[Assistant]
# 002

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Published
Script: Yes
Title: The War Between Wanting Help and Pushing Away
Audio: Yes
Video: Yes
Upload: Yes
SRT File: Yes
PIN Comment & LIIKE: Yes
Last edited time: July 20, 2025 2:05 PM
YT SYNC: Done

# 🎙 Episode 002 — Title

The War Between Wanting Help and Pushing It Away | Surviving Depression's Isolation

---

# 📄 Episode 002 — SEO-Optimized Description

**The War Between Wanting Help and Pushing It Away** is one of the most painful inner battles people face when living with depression. In this raw and honest episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, Bert shares what it feels like to crave connection — while simultaneously believing you don’t deserve it.

Depression doesn’t just hurt — it isolates.

It tells you you’re a burden.

It convinces you to turn away from the people trying to help.

💬 If you’ve ever whispered, “I need help” and then ignored the message, the call, or the knock at the door… this is for you.

**You are not broken. You are not weak. You are human. And you are not alone.**

---

**🙏 If this episode resonates, hit like, subscribe, or share it with someone who needs to hear this. I read every comment.**

---

### **🆘 Mental Health Resources:**

- U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: **Dial 988** or visit [988lifeline.org](https://988lifeline.org/)
- Crisis Text Line: Text **HELLO** to **741741**
- International Help: [findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com/)

---

**📌 Hashtags:**

#depression #mentalhealthawareness #suicidalthoughts #feelinginvisible #survivingdepression #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #reachingout #depressionstories #invisibleillness

**The War Between Wanting Help and Pushing It Away** is one of the most painful inner battles people face when living with depression. In this raw and honest episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, Bert shares what it feels like to crave connection — while simultaneously believing you don’t deserve it.

Depression doesn’t just hurt — it isolates.

It tells you you’re a burden.

It convinces you to turn away from the people trying to help.

💬 If you’ve ever whispered, “I need help” and then ignored the message, the call, or the knock at the door… this is for you.

**You are not broken. You are not weak. You are human. And you are not alone.**

---

**🙏 If this episode resonates, hit like, subscribe, or share it with someone who needs to hear this. I read every comment.**

---

### **🆘 Mental Health Resources:**

- U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: **Dial 988** or visit [988lifeline.org](https://988lifeline.org/)
- Crisis Text Line: Text **HELLO** to **741741**
- International Help: [findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com/)

---

**📌 Hashtags:**

#depression #mentalhealthawareness #suicidalthoughts #feelinginvisible #survivingdepression #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #reachingout #depressionstories #invisibleillness

---

In this episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, Bert explores one of the hardest parts of living with depression:

the painful war between craving help... and pushing it away.

Through raw, lived experience, Bert shares what it feels like to want connection — but also feel unworthy of it.

He breaks down how depression isolates you, shames you, and convinces you to carry your pain alone — even when a hand is reaching out.

If you've ever felt trapped between needing help and rejecting it, this episode will feel like someone finally gets it.

**You are not weak. You are not broken. You are human.**

---

**🆘 Mental Health Resources:**

- U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial **988** or visit [988lifeline.org](https://988lifeline.org/)
- Crisis Text Line: Text **HELLO** to **741741**
- International Support: [findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com/)

---

**#depression #mentalhealthawareness #suicidalthoughts #invisibleillness #survivingdepression #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #reachingout #depressionstories #feelinginvisible**

# **🎙 Script**

[Soft intro music fades under voice]

**BERT (spoken, steady, reflective):**

There’s a strange war that happens inside you when you’re living with depression.

You want help. —

You crave connection. —

You want someone to simply

*know* you’re drowning

and reach in and save you.

But at the same time —

you push help away.

You isolate.

You reject the hand reaching toward you.

It’s confusing.   —   Even to yourself.

When someone tries to help,

my first thought isn’t

“Thank you.”

It’s:

***“You don’t understand.***

***You can’t fix this.***

***You can’t even reach***

***the part of me that’s hurting.***

***You don’t deserve to be helped,***

***your not good enough.***

***Exactly Who do you think you are?”***

And mixed with that thought…

is lifelong shame,

The undeserving shame.

The not good enough shame

Shame for needing.

Shame for being seen weak

Shame because ur unable to cope — like everyone else

Shame for being unable to keep up

Shame for feeling damaged

All—the—while —

whether conscious of it or not
you feel broken and ugly inside.

Depression tells you:

***“You can’t show this to anyone.***

***No one can understand this***

***You have to bear it alone.***

***You must continue to suffer,***

***you dont deserve the help.”***

And if you believe that voice long enough,

you start to believe *you **deserve* to be alone with it**.

You start to think **asking for help is weakness.**

That you’re **burdening others**.

That your pain is **somehow contagious**,

and you should protect people from it

hide it away for no one to see.

It’s not logical.

It’s not fair.

But it’s real.

Imagine a tiny devil on your shoulder, and a tiny angel on the other —

one is screaming to you, *“Tell someone! Please Reach out!”*

and the other whispering,

*“Don’t bother.*

*No one cares enough to listen,*

*let alone ascknowledge you.*

*And if they did, it wouldn’t matter*

*because they wont stay.”*

And in the exhaustion of depression,

it’s easier to listen to the whispers

you simply lack the energy

 to put up any defense.

It takes too much energy

to believe you’re worth helping.

It feels safer

**not to hope at all**

than **to hope**… and be abandoned again.

I used to think about it like this:

Imagine — you’re trapped in a storm, freezing, soaked, shivering —

and someone comes to the edge

with a hand stretched out,

saying “Come on! You’re almost here!”

And all you can think is:

***You really don’t get it.***

***I can’t even stand up.***

***I can’t move.***

***It’s not about wanting to stay here.***

***It’s that I physically,***

***emotionally***

***can’t cross the distance***

***you think is so easy.***

That’s the thing most people don’t understand about pushing help away:

It’s not anger.

It’s not pride.

It’s paralysis.

It’s standing at the bus stop in the rain

and watching the bus come and

knowing you should run for it —

but being too tired, too broken,

too ashamed to move.

I wish more people knew that.

That when the depression pushes them away,

it’s not because we don’t want help.

It’s because we’re trapped inside

the very thing

that needs it the most

a heart feeling very dark

If you’re in that place right now —

if you’re feeling that tension inside your own chest —

please know this:

**Wanting help is not weakness.**

**Pushing help away**

**doesn’t make you bad.**

**It makes you *wounded.***

**It makes you *real.***

**It makes you *human.***

And even if you can’t reach

for the hand right now —

even if all you can do

is lie there inside the storm —

you’re still worthy of being seen,

of being heard,

of being carried,

of being loved.

I’m still here.

You’re still here.

And sometimes…

sometimes just being here — in this moment —  is the **bravest thing you’ll ever do**.

[Soft outro music rises gently]

Be well.

And please stay another day.

---

🎙 Title (Optimized)

The War Between Wanting Help and Pushing It Away | Surviving Depression's Isolation

---

# 📄 Description (Optimized)

In this episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, Bert shares the lived experience of one of the hardest parts of surviving depression —

the painful war between desperately needing help and pushing it away.

Through honest storytelling and raw truth, he explains how shame, paralysis, and survival instincts can collide —

and why asking for help isn’t always simple.

If you’ve ever felt trapped inside your own storm,

this episode is for you.

---

**🆘 Mental Health Resources:**

- U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial **988** or visit [988lifeline.org](https://988lifeline.org/)
- Crisis Text Line: Text **HELLO** to **741741**
- International Support: [findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com/)

---

**#depression #mentalhealthawareness #survivorstories #invisibleillness #mentalhealthsupport #holdingonanyway #youarenotalone #askingforhelp**

### SRT

1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,000
There’s a war that happens inside people like me.

2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,500
It’s not loud. It’s not cinematic.
But it’s exhausting.

3
00:00:06,500 --> 00:00:11,000
It’s the war between wanting help—and pushing it away.

4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,500
I’ve said “I need help” and then
ignored the call, the text, the knock at the door.

5
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:19,000
I’ve hoped someone would see through my silence—
then built walls around myself to make sure they couldn’t.

6
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:23,000
This isn’t attention-seeking.
It’s protection-seeking.

7
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,000
Depression has a way of convincing you
that you’re a burden.

8
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,000
So you start thinking it’s safer for everyone
if you just stay quiet.

9
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,000
But part of you still wants someone to notice.

10
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,000
To care enough to break through.

11
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,000
To say “I see you” without waiting for an invitation.

12
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,500
I’ve lived both sides of this war.

13
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:46,500
I’ve cried alone,
and I’ve turned away help when it was offered.

14
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:49,500
And I know I’m not the only one.

15
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:52,000
If you’re there right now—
in the silence, the battle—

16
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,000
I just want you to know this:
You’re not weak for feeling this way.

17
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,000
You’re not broken for wanting help
and fearing it at the same time.

18
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,000
You’re human.

19
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,500
And some of us are fighting the same war.

20
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:08,000
You’re not as alone as you feel.

21
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,000
Not here. Not with me.
Not with *Holding On, Anyway*.

22
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,000
Be well.

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/002 1eaffa30cf0b80b9b1aaeca6aa17dbbe.md

002


[Assistant]
# 003

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Published
Script: Yes
Title: What You Don’t See: The Battles We Fight in Silence
Audio: Yes
Video: Yes
Upload: Yes
SRT File: Yes
PIN Comment & LIIKE: Yes
Last edited time: July 20, 2025 2:05 PM
YT SYNC: Done

# 📄 Episode 003 — SEO-Optimized Description

---

**🆘 Mental Health Resources:**

- U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial **988** or visit [988lifeline.org](https://988lifeline.org/)
- Crisis Text Line: Text **HELLO** to **741741**
- International Support: [findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com/)

---

**#depression #mentalhealthawareness #suicidalthoughts #invisibleillness #survivingdepression #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #reachingout #depressionstories #feelinginvisible**

# 🎙 Episode 003 — What You Don’t See: The Battles We Fight in Silence

[Soft intro music fades under voice]

**BERT (gentle, reflective tone):**

This is Episode Three.

And today, we're talking about something that almost everyone living with depression knows too well —

the invisible battles we fight in silence.

[pause]

Suffering in silence is a real thing.

Sometimes even the people closest to you have no idea what you're carrying inside.

They don't know because you never show them.

[pause]

The first invisible battle for me

— and probably for a lot of people —

is self-worth.

A deep, core belief, seeded in childhood:

*"I'm not good enough."*

That voice has been with me all my life.

Fifty-five years on this planet, and every day...

it's a battle against that old story playing in the back of my mind.

[pause]

Depression attacks your ability to self-advocate.

It erodes your drive to go out and fight for yourself.

Not because you don't want better —

but because you believe, deep down, you don’t *deserve* better.

[pause]

Beyond self-worth, another battle is the energy it takes... to mask it all.

The brainpower.

The skill.

The effort it takes to appear "okay" to the outside world.

[small sigh]

Because here's the truth:

a lot of people who live with depression

become experts at masking.

And masking is driven by survival.

By shame.

Shame about having a mental illness.

Shame about feeling broken.

Shame about not being good enough, strong enough, normal enough.

Shame... is a giant invisible battle on its own.

You fight it all day, every day, just to appear normal.

[pause]

You learn to hide your depression

not because you want to lie —

but because you don't even have the vocabulary

to explain what you're going through.

Because trying to share it feels impossible.

Because the shame tells you,

*"They won’t understand.*

*They’ll leave if they really see you."*

[pause]

And so you move through life masked.

Smiling when you feel empty.

Saying "I'm fine" when you're anything but.

Carrying an invisible weight no one else can see.

[soft breath]

Why do people with depression get so good at masking?

Because it's safer to pretend.

Because surviving invisibly feels easier than risking rejection.

Because sometimes, when you feel invisible...

you start believing you *deserve* to be.

[pause]

What do I wish someone had seen?

Even when I couldn’t say it out loud?

I wish someone had seen the suffering.

The real burden.

The way you would notice a person carrying a heavy backpack,

or walking with a broken leg.

I wish someone had seen

that even when I looked “okay” on the outside,

inside, I was fighting

just to stay alive another day.

[pause]

Feeling invisible —

it compounds the pain.

It multiplies the loneliness.

It feeds the belief that maybe...

maybe you really are alone in the world.

And sometimes when the invisibility gets too heavy,

you dissociate without even realizing it —

your mind pulling you out of the world to protect you.

[soft sigh]

I am lucky to be here.

Lucky to have found a way,

somehow, to survive long enough to tell you this.

Lucky to still be learning how to show my scars

instead of hiding them.

[pause]

If you're out there — fighting your own invisible battles —

I see you.

If you're still breathing —

still showing up somehow —

even when no one sees the storm you're carrying —

you are not alone.

You are fighting battles no one sees.

And you are surviving them.

And that’s enough

[soft outro music rises gently]

Be well.

Stay one more day.

---

# 🎙 Title (Optimized)

What You Don't See | Fighting the Silent Battles of Depression

---

# 📄 Description (Optimized)

In this episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, Bert explores the invisible battles people fight every day while appearing "normal" on the outside.

Through raw honesty and lived experience, he shares what it feels like to mask depression, hide pain, and live under the crushing weight of shame and invisibility.

If you've ever felt like no one could see the war inside you —

this episode will feel like someone finally does.

---

**🆘 Mental Health Resources:**

- U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial **988** or visit [988lifeline.org](https://988lifeline.org/)
- Crisis Text Line: Text **HELLO** to **741741**
- International Support: [findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com/)

---

**#depression #invisibleillness #mentalhealthawareness #maskingdepression #hiddenstruggles #holdingonanyway #youarenotalone #silentbattles #mentalhealthsupport**

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/003 1eaffa30cf0b80839681c1cc60da6fc5.md

003


[Assistant]
# 14 things to do on a video

- [ ]  **File Name** that is uploaded — name it datawise
- [ ]  Title: Include descriptive keyword
- [ ]  **Description**:
    - [ ]  upload your transcript
    - [ ]  ask AI to write an SEO optimized description
    - [ ]  tell AI who you are targeting
    - [ ]  If you have a keyword in mind, share it
- [ ]  Links: Stuff mentioned in video
    1. other content
        - [ ]  deep links
        - [ ]  PLAYLISTS — mention it to users
        Put URL in your description
- [ ]  Hashtags
- [ ]  Thumbnails - create 3, bots pick the best
    - [ ]  one of ten [https://1of10.com](https://1of10.com/)
- [ ]  Tags - [https://rapidtags.io/](https://rapidtags.io/)
- [ ]  End Screen - Best of the Viewer
- [ ]  2-24 hours let it sit
- [ ]  Second YT channel
    - [ ]  watch
    - [ ]  comment
    - [ ]  like
- [ ]  Not logged in, incognito — Watch video in full
- [ ]  YT Shorts — link them up
    - [ ]  got to shorts
    - [ ]  click on it
    - [ ]  related is on the right
    - [ ]  pick your video
- [ ]  Subtitles for foreign viewers
    1. Hindi
    2. Indonesian
    3. Spanish
    4. French
    5. Russian
    6. Chinese

    Nexus clips for social media

    Resond to all comments!!

    - spark conversation

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/004/14 things to do on a video 1b0ffa30cf0b80469c81f49149087fc4.md

14 things to do on a video


[Assistant]
# Research and Notes

Brain-dumps can go here.

• *Why Asking for Help Feels Impossible (Even When You’re Drowning)*

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/004/Research and Notes 1e4ffa30cf0b81639331d5290df44e45.md

Research and Notes


[Assistant]
[00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:18.560]   This is episode 4. Why it's hard to ask for help. Even when you're drowning. This is episode 4.
[00:00:18.560 --> 00:00:28.960]   Today I want to talk about why it's so damn hard to ask for help. Even when you're drowning.
[00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:47.040]   When you're deep inside depression your mind can feel stuck or trapped. You know that you're struggling.
[00:00:47.040 --> 00:00:58.880]   It's totally there. You know you need help. You might even know who you could call
[00:00:58.880 --> 00:01:15.520]   or reach out to. But something stops you. For me sometimes it's pride. This deep heavy voice
[00:01:15.520 --> 00:01:27.200]   inside that says you're supposed to be strong. You're supposed to handle your shit. You're not
[00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:36.640]   supposed to burden other people with this. What the hell is wrong with you you slacker?
[00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:48.400]   Other times other times it's fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of being dismissed.
[00:01:50.320 --> 00:01:59.360]   Fear of making someone uncomfortable. Fear that if I let someone in close enough
[00:01:59.360 --> 00:02:08.480]   to see the real chaos inside. They'll pull away. They'll abandon you.
[00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:22.240]   Sometimes it's shame. Feeling like needing help means you've failed somehow.
[00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:32.400]   Like being vulnerable will only prove what your depression already whispers at you.
[00:02:33.760 --> 00:02:38.560]   You're weak. You're broken. You're a burden.
[00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:55.680]   And sometimes the scariest part is believing that if you do reach out no one will answer.
[00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:09.200]   I've had moments where I've held the phone in my hand scrolling through contacts staring at names
[00:03:09.200 --> 00:03:14.080]   and couldn't bring myself to call a soul.
[00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:24.640]   The voice in my head kept saying they won't understand. They won't know what to do. You'll just scare
[00:03:24.640 --> 00:03:39.200]   them away. Asking for help means admitting even to yourself that you're not okay.
[00:03:44.880 --> 00:03:56.560]   And depression it feeds on silence and inaction. It thrives in the shadows.
[00:03:56.560 --> 00:04:06.560]   It convinces you that speaking your pain out loud will make it all worse.
[00:04:06.560 --> 00:04:12.400]   But here's the truth that I've learned.
[00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:22.240]   Not asking for help doesn't make you strong or better than depression.
[00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:35.360]   It makes you isolated. It makes you hurt more alone in the dark.
[00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:50.960]   And asking for help even if your voice shakes, even if your pride screams, even if you're terrified,
[00:04:50.960 --> 00:04:55.360]   is an act of enormous courage.
[00:04:55.360 --> 00:05:04.400]   I wish I could tell you that asking for help always works out perfectly.
[00:05:06.400 --> 00:05:13.680]   That people always respond with kindness and the understanding that you need.
[00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:28.960]   But the reality is sometimes they won't, sometimes they'll say the wrong thing, sometimes they'll panic.
[00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:41.200]   Sometimes they'll pull away and that's really painful. There's absolutely no sugar coating that.
[00:05:41.200 --> 00:05:54.320]   But sometimes sometimes you reach out and someone says the right thing.
[00:05:56.960 --> 00:06:05.360]   Or they simply listen, or they sit with you in the dark without trying to fix it.
[00:06:05.360 --> 00:06:11.600]   And in those moments, it really matters.
[00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:21.280]   It reminds you that you're not as alone as your depression wants you to believe.
[00:06:26.320 --> 00:06:30.800]   If you're struggling to ask for help right now, please know this.
[00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:40.960]   It's okay to be scared. It's okay to stumble. It's okay to need people.
[00:06:40.960 --> 00:06:54.800]   You're not a burden. You are not broken. You are not too much. You are human.
[00:06:56.640 --> 00:07:04.480]   And humans need each other to survive for real.
[00:07:04.480 --> 00:07:10.560]   If you can,
[00:07:10.560 --> 00:07:16.960]   leave yourself open.
[00:07:19.200 --> 00:07:28.320]   Make one call, send one text, say one true thing to someone you trust.
[00:07:28.320 --> 00:07:41.120]   You don't have to shout for help. You just have to whisper loud enough for someone to hear.
[00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:54.240]   And if you're too tired to even whisper right now, know that I'm whispering for you.
[00:07:54.240 --> 00:08:05.520]   You're not alone. Be well, and stay one more day.

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/004/Script/E004_transcript-no_bumpers.txt

E004_transcript-no_bumpers


[Assistant]
# Script

[E004_transcript-no_bumpers.txt](Script/E004_transcript-no_bumpers.txt)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/004/Script 1e4ffa30cf0b81e6ab83ca9b4bb52ea3.md

Script


[Assistant]
# 004

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Published
Script: Yes
Title: Why Asking for Help Feels Impossible (Even When You’re Drowning)
Audio: Yes
Video: Yes
Upload: Yes
SRT File: Yes
PIN Comment & LIIKE: Yes
Last edited time: July 20, 2025 2:05 PM
YT SYNC: Done

Brief description of the video can go here.

## 🎙 Audio Meta

- [x]  Record raw voice (natural, short 3–6 min)
- [x]  Lightly clean up audio (basic noise reduction if needed)
- [x]  Add intro/outro music (gentle, consistent with main series)
- [x]  Export final audio file (WAV or MP3)

## 🎥 Video

- [x]  Choose a still image or single visual clip (moody, simple)
- [x]  Sync final audio with visual (Ken Burns effect optional)
- [x]  Export video file (MP4, 1080p)

## 🖋 Metadata

- [x]  Title (short, emotional, simple — e.g., "Still Breathing Through the Darkness")
    - [x]  *Why Asking for Help Feels Impossible (Even When You’re Drowning)*
- [x]  Description (brief summary + mental health resources)
- [x]  Tags/Hashtags (smaller focused set)
- [x]  Thumbnail (minimal text overlay, e.g., 3–5 words max)
- [ ]

Thanks for uploading the transcript for **“Why Asking for Help Feels Impossible — Even When You’re Drowning.”** I’ve reviewed it and generated an SEO-optimized version of your **DESCRIPTION**, **CHAPTERS**, and **TAGS**, as requested.

Here’s the full template, ready for copy/paste:

---

**DESCRIPTION**

Why do some people push help away — even when they’re drowning?

This episode explores the quiet war inside those of us who want connection… and also fear it. It’s about the emotional paralysis that makes it hard to reach back, even when someone reaches in.

In this raw and honest episode, I talk about:

- What it actually feels like to be offered help — and not be able to take it
- How shame, exhaustion, and self-protection override logic
- The truth behind “I’m fine” when you’re absolutely not

For 40 years, I’ve lived with depression and suicidal thoughts that often begged for relief — not attention. This is a glimpse into what it’s like to want help, fear help, and survive anyway.

If you’ve ever been the one offering help — or the one too ashamed to accept it — this is for you.

You’re not a burden. You’re human. And you’re not alone.

---

🙏 If this helped, hit like & subscribe.

Subscribing costs nothing and makes these videos show up for more people. New episodes coming every week.

Comment your story or message below. I read them.

---

💬 Leave a comment below.

I read them, and your reflections help keep this space human and alive.

---

➡ This is not therapy advice.

Just my lived experience, shared in case it helps someone else feel a little less alone.

There are links below where you can find people who can help. I’ve called — they’re kind, human, and willing to listen.

---

🧠 Need help?

You’re not alone. Please reach out.

Links to support resources are below.

You matter.

---

📌 Chapters

00:00 Intro — Holding On, Anyway

00:45 Why Help Feels So Far Away

02:20 Shame + Exhaustion = Silence

04:15 It’s Not About Pride — It’s Paralysis

05:30 The Bus Stop Metaphor

06:40 What Depression Really Pushes Away

08:15 You’re Not a Burden

09:40 Staying is Still Strength

---

▶ Playlist:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERtMq5ugZmGu3Z7SH9GPuSLtFyyA24I9

---

🎵 Music Licensing

Music for Intro Track: Piano loops 120 efect 3  octave long loop 120 bpm by josefpres

https://freesound.org/s/760421/

License: Creative Commons 0

Music for Outro Track: Lo-fi loop.wav by CollectionOfMemories

https://freesound.org/s/647591/

License: Attribution 4.0

All rights belong to the original composer(s).

---

📷 Visual Licensing

Some footage and imagery used in this episode are licensed for reuse or modification via Creative Commons.

Sourced from royalty-free platforms like Pexels, Pixabay, and Unsplash.

AI-generated images or video are for original use under fair-use policy.

If you believe an asset has been misused or misattributed, please contact me and I will address it.

Note: Some video footage and images are ©2025 Bert Mahoney

---

🤖 Made with Mika

This episode was written from my personal lived experience, and with the creative support of Mika, my AI assistant.

---

🆘 Mental Health Support

If you or someone you love is in crisis, please reach out to one of the options below for help:

– U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988

– NAMI (U.S.): https://nami.org/

– International helplines: https://findahelpline.com/

---

🔖 Tags:

#depression #mentalhealthpodcast #suicidalthoughts #askingforhelp #invisibleillness #emotionalexhaustion #youarenotalone #depressionstories #survivingdepression #holdingonanyway #realmentalhealth #rawmentalhealth #mentalhealthsupport #livingwithdepression #helplessness #mentalhealthawareness

---

Let me know if you’d like an alternate version for Shorts or a pinned comment as well.

### 📤 Upload to YouTube

- [x]  Upload video
- [x]  Fill out title, description, hashtags
- [x]  Add to "Barely, but here" Playlist
- [x]  Schedule or publish live

### 🌱 Post-Publish

- [x]  Update Episode Tracker
- [x]  Soft announcement if desired (optional)

---

- **🎯 SEO-Optimized Title**

    > *Why Asking for Help Feels Impossible (Even When You’re Drowning)*
    >
- **📄 SEO-Optimized Description**

    **Why is it so hard to ask for help… even when you’re drowning?**

    In this raw, vulnerable episode, we dive into the real reasons people stay silent when they’re struggling. From pride to shame to fear of being judged or abandoned—this conversation unpacks the emotional weight behind reaching out.

    👇 If you’ve ever held the phone and couldn’t make the call… this is for you.

    ---

    🎯 **What you’ll get in this video:**

    - The emotional blocks that stop us from asking for help
    - How depression convinces us to stay silent
    - What it *really* means to reach out (and why it matters)
    - The truth that can start your healing journey

    ---

    💬 **Tell me below—what’s been the hardest part for you when it comes to asking for help?**

    💛 *Let’s create a safe space in the comments.*

    👍 Like this video if it resonates, and **subscribe** for weekly real talk on mental health, healing, and personal growth.

    ---

    ⏱ **Timestamps**

    00:00 – Intro

    00:18 – Why We Stay Silent

    01:15 – Pride & Internalized Pressure

    01:50 – Fear of Rejection

    02:22 – Shame and Depression’s Lies

    03:00 – The Silence That Feeds Depression

    04:00 – Finding Strength in Vulnerability

    05:00 – Final Thoughts

- Title Ideas
    - • *Why Asking for Help Feels Impossible (Even When You’re Drowning)*
- Keywords
- Tags

    #AskingForHelp

    #MentalHealth

    #DepressionAwareness

    #EmotionalHealing

    #FearOfJudgment

    #WhyWeStaySilent

    #VulnerabilityIsStrength

    #MentalHealthMatters

    #OvercomingShame

    #YouAreNotAlone

- Editing Checklist

    # A-Cut

    ---

    - [ ]  Add footage to Premiere and wait for ingest
    - [ ]  Ensure audio is on Track 1 and sound similar to previous published video
    - [ ]  Cut A-Roll
    - [ ]  Watch through video to check for good flow
    - [ ]  Add color-graded adjustment layer
    - [ ]  Upload A-Cut to [Frame.io](http://frame.io) for review

    # B-Roll, Stage 1

    ---

    - [ ]  Watch through A-Cut and note any needed fixes
    - [ ]  Create chronological list of B-Roll with descriptions
    - [ ]  Tag B-Roll ideas with Gather types
    - [ ]  Acquire all needed B-Roll
    - [ ]  Add all B-Roll items to Premiere and wait for ingest
    - [ ]  Rename all B-Roll items in Premiere to be more descriptive
    - [ ]  Add all Premiere B-Roll to main sequence
    - [ ]  Export medium-bitrate 1080p Animation Cut for AE Animations

    # B-Roll, Stage 2

    ---

    - [ ]  Create Animations.aep in project Drive folder using AE template project
    - [ ]  Add Animation Cut to AE and create a master composition from it
    - [ ]  Add all graphics and animations in AE
    - [ ]  Import AE project into Premiere and put on top layer of main sequence
    - [ ]  Add any needed transitions
    - [ ]  Add any needed SFX
    - [ ]  Add music
    - [ ]  Watch through video to check for errors (including spelling errors)
    - [ ]  Export video - H.264, YouTube 1080p preset

    # Captions

    ---

    - [ ]  Upload final video to Rev and order captions
    - [ ]  When captions arrive, save to project folder

- Publishing Checklist

    ### Uploading and Publishing

    ---

    - [ ]  Create thumbnail and test with thumbsup.tv
    - [ ]  Test title variations with Headline Analyzer
    - [ ]  Upload video to YouTube
    - [ ]  Set video recording date
    - [ ]  Add thumbnail
    - [ ]  Add description
        - [ ]  Include any needed resource links
        - [ ]  Ensure sponsor CTA includes all needed detail and test link
        - [ ]  Credit editor if needed
    - [ ]  Add tags
    - [ ]  Add end cards
    - [ ]  Add caption file
    - [ ]  Add cards
    - [ ]  Watch video to check for errors
    - [ ]  Add video to most relevant playlist
    - [ ]  Schedule video for publish date at 10am EST

    ### Post-Publishing

    ---

    - [ ]  Share video to Twitter and Facebook
    - [ ]  Share Instagram story
    - [ ]  Answer initial comments
    - [ ]  Set project status to Published

## Content

---

[Research and Notes](004/Research%20and%20Notes%201e4ffa30cf0b81639331d5290df44e45.md)

[Script](004/Script%201e4ffa30cf0b81e6ab83ca9b4bb52ea3.md)

[14 things to do on a video](004/14%20things%20to%20do%20on%20a%20video%201b0ffa30cf0b80469c81f49149087fc4.md)

## Resources

[Canva: Visual Suite for Everyone](https://www.canva.com/)

[Download Free HD & 4K Stock Videos, Music & AI Tools](https://coverr.co/)

[Freesound](https://freesound.org/)

## Resources2

[Thumbs Up - Standard Broadcast](http://thumbsup.tv/)

[License Music For YouTube Videos | Musicbed](https://mscbd.fm/thmsfr)

[100% GEMA-freie Musik | Rechtssicher & hochwertig](https://www.musicfox.com/)

[cottonbro studio - Photography](https://www.pexels.com/@cottonbro/collections/)

SRT

```
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,000
(soft music)

2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
This is Holding On, Anyway.

3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,000
A space for the heavy days,

4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:16,000
the quiet ones and the ones that don't make any sense.

5
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:20,000
I'm really glad you're here.

6
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,000
This is just my story, not therapy advice.

7
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:28,000
If you're hurting, please reach out.

8
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,000
The links are below.

9
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:36,000
This is episode four.

10
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:40,000
Today, I want to talk about why it's so damn hard...

11
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,000
...to ask for help, even when you're drowning and aware of it.

12
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,000
When you're deep inside depression,

13
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,000
your mind can feel stuck or trapped.

14
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:56,000
You know that you're struggling.

15
00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:00,000
It's totally there.

16
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,000
You know you need help.

17
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:08,000
You might even know who you could call or reach out to.

18
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,000
But something stops you.

19
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,000
For me, sometimes it's pride.

20
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:20,000
This deep, heavy voice inside that says...

21
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,000
You're supposed to be strong.

22
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:28,000
You're supposed to handle your shit.

23
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,000
You're not supposed to burden other people with this.

24
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:36,000
What the hell is wrong with you?

25
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,000
Other times, it's fear — fear of being judged.

26
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,000
Fear of being dismissed.

27
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,000
Fear of making someone uncomfortable.

28
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:52,000
Fear that if I let someone see the chaos inside, they’ll pull away.

29
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:56,000
They'll abandon me.

30
00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:00,000
Sometimes it's shame.

31
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,000
Feeling like needing help means I've failed somehow.

32
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,000
Like being vulnerable just confirms what the depression already whispers.

33
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,000
You're weak. You're broken. You're a burden.

34
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:16,000
And the scariest part is believing...

35
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,000
...that if I reach out, no one will answer.

36
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,000
I’ve held the phone in my hand...

37
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:28,000
...scrolling through names, unable to call anyone.

38
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,000
The voice inside keeps saying they won’t understand.

39
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:36,000
They’ll be scared. They’ll leave.

40
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,000
Asking for help means admitting you’re not okay.

41
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:44,000
And depression feeds on silence.

42
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:48,000
It thrives in the shadows.

43
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:52,000
But silence is not the same as safety.

44
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,000
Sometimes reaching out won’t feel brave.

45
00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:00,000
It’ll just feel necessary.

46
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,000
And even if it’s a whisper, that’s enough.

47
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:08,000
The people who care — they’ll meet you there.

48
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:12,000
Be well. And please, stay another day.

```

```
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,000
(soft music)

2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
This is Holding On, Anyway.

3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,000
A space for the heavy days,

4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:16,000
the quiet ones and the ones that don't make any sense.

5
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:20,000
I'm really glad you're here.

6
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,000
This is just my story, not therapy advice.

7
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:28,000
If you're hurting, please reach out.

8
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,000
The links are below.

9
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:36,000
This is episode four.

10
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:40,000
Today, I want to talk about why it's so damn hard...

11
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,000
...to ask for help, even when you're drowning and aware of it.

12
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,000
When you're deep inside depression,

13
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,000
your mind can feel stuck or trapped.

14
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:56,000
You know that you're struggling.

15
00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:00,000
It's totally there.

16
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,000
You know you need help.

17
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:08,000
You might even know who you could call or reach out to.

18
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,000
But something stops you.

19
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,000
For me, sometimes it's pride.

20
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:20,000
This deep, heavy voice inside that says...

21
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,000
You're supposed to be strong.

22
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:28,000
You're supposed to handle your shit.

23
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,000
You're not supposed to burden other people with this.

24
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:36,000
What the hell is wrong with you?

25
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,000
Other times, it's fear — fear of being judged.

26
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,000
Fear of being dismissed.

27
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,000
Fear of making someone uncomfortable.

28
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:52,000
Fear that if I let someone see the chaos inside, they’ll pull away.

29
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:56,000
They'll abandon me.

30
00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:00,000
Sometimes it's shame.

31
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,000
Feeling like needing help means I've failed somehow.

32
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,000
Like being vulnerable just confirms what the depression already whispers.

33
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,000
You're weak. You're broken. You're a burden.

34
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:16,000
And the scariest part is believing...

35
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,000
...that if I reach out, no one will answer.

36
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,000
I’ve held the phone in my hand...

37
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:28,000
...scrolling through names, unable to call anyone.

38
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,000
The voice inside keeps saying they won’t understand.

39
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:36,000
They’ll be scared. They’ll leave.

40
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,000
Asking for help means admitting you’re not okay.

41
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:44,000
And depression feeds on silence.

42
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:48,000
It thrives in the shadows.

43
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:52,000
But silence is not the same as safety.

44
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,000
Sometimes reaching out won’t feel brave.

45
00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:00,000
It’ll just feel necessary.

46
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,000
And even if it’s a whisper, that’s enough.

47
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:08,000
The people who care — they’ll meet you there.

48
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:12,000
Be well. And please, stay another day.

```

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/004 8c5bab4bf49e4f63bfddf1b43d2b72bc.md

004


[Assistant]
# 14 things to do on a video

- [ ]  **File Name** that is uploaded — name it datawise
- [ ]  Title: Include descriptive keyword
- [ ]  **Description**:
    - [ ]  upload your transcript
    - [ ]  ask AI to write an SEO optimized description
    - [ ]  tell AI who you are targeting
    - [ ]  If you have a keyword in mind, share it
- [ ]  Links: Stuff mentioned in video
    1. other content
        - [ ]  deep links
        - [ ]  PLAYLISTS — mention it to users
        Put URL in your description
- [ ]  Hashtags
- [ ]  Thumbnails - create 3, bots pick the best
    - [ ]  one of ten [https://1of10.com](https://1of10.com/)
- [ ]  Tags - [https://rapidtags.io/](https://rapidtags.io/)
- [ ]  End Screen - Best of the Viewer
- [ ]  2-24 hours let it sit
- [ ]  Second YT channel
    - [ ]  watch
    - [ ]  comment
    - [ ]  like
- [ ]  Not logged in, incognito — Watch video in full
- [ ]  YT Shorts — link them up
    - [ ]  got to shorts
    - [ ]  click on it
    - [ ]  related is on the right
    - [ ]  pick your video
- [ ]  Subtitles for foreign viewers
    1. Hindi
    2. Indonesian
    3. Spanish
    4. French
    5. Russian
    6. Chinese

    Nexus clips for social media

    Resond to all comments!!

    - spark conversation

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/005/14 things to do on a video 1f0ffa30cf0b81e8a9e2ef66fc5dfd38.md

14 things to do on a video


[Assistant]
# Description Template

⸻
**[SEO-Optimized First Line — include main keyword(s): e.g., suicidal thoughts, depression, asking for help]**

[Optional: Poetic hook that humanizes the topic in one clear sentence.]

In this episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, I explore:

– [Short bullet 1: e.g., what suicidal ideation really feels like]

– [Short bullet 2: e.g., the mental freeze that blocks connection]

– [Short bullet 3: e.g., why staying is sometimes an act of courage]

For [insert personal anchor — “four decades” etc.], I’ve lived with [your lived experience statement].

This episode is a glimpse into that survival — the silence, the shame, the resilience.

💬 If you’ve ever said “[insert emotionally resonant quote, like ‘I just want it to stop’],” this episode is for you.

You’re not alone. I’m glad you’re here.

⸻

🙏 If this resonates, please like & subscribe.

Your support helps this message reach others who feel invisible.

💬 Share your story or message in the comments. I read them all, and they help this space stay real and alive.

⸻

📌 **Chapters**

00:00 Intro — [Custom Title]

00:45 [First story beat]

02:20 [Second beat]

04:15 [Insightful turning point or metaphor]

06:40 [Emotional realization or takeaway]

08:15 [Closing reassurance or hope]

09:30 Final Thoughts & Gratitude

⸻

**💬 Does this resonate?**

If you’ve carried this kind of pain, I’d be honored to hear from you below. Your words help others feel less alone.

⸻

▶ **Related Playlist**

[Insert Playlist URL or leave generic for reuse]

⸻

🆘 **Mental Health Resources**

If you’re in crisis or need someone to talk to, you’re not alone.

– U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988

– NAMI (U.S.): [https://nami.org/](https://nami.org/)

– Global Help: [https://findahelpline.com/](https://findahelpline.com/)

⸻

🎵 **Music & Licensing**

Intro: “Piano loops 120” by josefpres → [https://freesound.org/s/760421/](https://freesound.org/s/760421/)

Outro: “Lo-fi loop.wav” by CollectionOfMemories → [https://freesound.org/s/647591/](https://freesound.org/s/647591/)

⸻

📷 **Visual Licensing & Credits**

Footage from Unsplash, Pexels, Pixabay (Creative Commons).

©[Year] Bert Mahoney for original work. AI visuals used under Fair Use.

⸻

🤖 **Written with Mika**

This story is based on my lived experience and co-crafted with Mika, my AI assistant.

⸻

🔖 **Tags**

#suicidalthoughts #depression #mentalhealthawareness #emotionalpain

#howtosurvivedepression #realdepressionstories #mentalhealthpodcast

#feelinginvisible #youarenotalone #reachingout #holdingonanyway #invisibleillness

⸻

Watch more honest stories of survival and silence in the Holding On, Anyway playlist:
[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERtMq5ugZmGu3Z7SH9GPuSLtFyyA24I9](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERtMq5ugZmGu3Z7SH9GPuSLtFyyA24I9)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/005/Description Template 1f0ffa30cf0b81b2ad1cf12d56106c0b.md

Description Template


[Assistant]
# Research and Notes

Brain-dumps can go here.

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/005/Research and Notes 1f0ffa30cf0b813a87f4cd31c10739b9.md

Research and Notes


[Assistant]
# 005

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Published
Script: Yes
Title: The Small Things That Keep You Alive
Audio: Yes
Video: Yes
Upload: Yes
SRT File: Yes
PIN Comment & LIIKE: Yes
Last edited time: July 20, 2025 2:05 PM
YT SYNC: Done

Brief description of the video can go here.

## 🎙 Audio Meta

- [x]  Record raw voice (natural, short 3–6 min)
- [x]  Lightly clean up audio (basic noise reduction if needed)
- [x]  Add intro/outro music (gentle, consistent with main series)
- [x]  Export final audio file (WAV or MP3)

## 🎥 Video

- [x]  Choose a still image or single visual clip (moody, simple)
- [x]  Sync final audio with visual (Ken Burns effect optional)
- [x]  Export video file (MP4, 1080p)

## 🖋 Metadata

[Description Template](005/Description%20Template%201f0ffa30cf0b81b2ad1cf12d56106c0b.md)

- [x]  Template
- [x]  Title (short, emotional, simple — e.g., "Still Breathing Through the Darkness")
- [x]  Description (brief summary + mental health resources)
- [x]  Tags/Hashtags (smaller focused set)
- [x]  Thumbnail (minimal text overlay, e.g., 3–5 words max)

## **🎯 SEO-Optimized Title**

## **📄 SEO-Optimized Description**

Surviving depression by holding onto the small things that keep you alive.

Sometimes, survival is quiet—a collection of tiny comforts.

In this episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, I explore:

- The simple things that pulled me through deep depression
- The quiet strength found in everyday moments
- Why tiny comforts can be powerful acts of resilience

For decades, I’ve lived with major depressive disorder and suicidal ideation.

This episode is a glimpse into that quiet survival—the ordinary moments that became lifelines.

⸻

💬 If you’ve ever whispered, “I just need something to hold onto,” this episode is for you.

You’re not alone. I’m glad you’re here.

⸻

🙏 If this resonates, please like & subscribe.

Your support helps this message reach others who feel invisible.

💬 Share your story or message in the comments.

I read them all, and they help this space stay real and alive.

⸻

📌 **Chapters**

00:00 Intro — Surviving Quietly

00:45 When Daily Life Felt Impossible

02:20 Finding Strength in Tiny Moments

04:15 Realizing Small Comforts Matter

06:40 The Resilience of Quiet Survival

08:15 You’re Not Alone in the Quiet

09:30 Final Thoughts & Gratitude

⸻

**💬 Does this resonate?**

If you’ve carried this kind of quiet pain, I’d be honored to hear from you below. Your words help others feel less alone.

⸻

▶ **Related Playlist**

Watch more honest stories of survival and silence in the Holding On, Anyway playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERtMq5ugZmGu3Z7SH9GPuSLtFyyA24I9

⸻

🆘 **Mental Health Resources**

If you’re in crisis or need someone to talk to, you’re not alone.

– U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988

– NAMI (U.S.): https://nami.org/

– Global Help: https://findahelpline.com/

⸻

🎵 **Music & Licensing**

Intro: “Piano loops 120” by josefpres → https://freesound.org/s/760421/

Outro: “Lo-fi loop.wav” by CollectionOfMemories → https://freesound.org/s/647591/

⸻

📷 **Visual Licensing & Credits**

Footage from Unsplash, Pexels, Pixabay (Creative Commons).

©2025 Bert Mahoney for original work. AI visuals used under Fair Use.

⸻

🤖 **Written with Mika**

This story is based on my lived experience and co-crafted with Mika, my AI assistant.

⸻

🔖 **Tags**

#suicidalthoughts #depression #mentalhealthawareness #emotionalpain #howtosurvivedepression #realdepressionstories #mentalhealthpodcast #feelinginvisible #youarenotalone #reachingout #holdingonanyway #invisibleillness

## Pinned Comment

Sometimes the thing that keeps you alive isn't big.

It’s a warm drink. A favorite song. A sliver of light through the window.

If that’s where you’re at — I see you. You’re not alone.

#depression #mentalhealth #resilience

## Script

### Updated Script:

# The Small Things That Keep You Alive

---

Some days, the only thing that kept me going was... something small.

Maybe a song I heard.

Something I read, or something I overheard at a coffee shop.

A soft breeze through the window.

The waves at sunset.

Half a cup of coffee going cold on the counter.

Nothing heroic.

Not a big breakthrough moment.

Just... ordinary.

But somehow, the small things were enough.

---

When the depression got really deep —

when everything felt like a dull gray ache for weeks and months,

and the idea of surviving the whole day felt like too much —

I stopped trying to survive the day.

I just focused on the *next few minutes.*

I’d walk into the kitchen, still wrapped in a blanket.

Turn on the kettle, like it was the only thing I knew how to do.

And just watch the steam rise.

Sometimes, that was the whole plan for the day.

Watching Steam, moving my body.

And honestly? Sometimes, it was enough.

---

There’s this story we’re told —

that surviving means fighting hard,

means climbing out,

means *fixing* ourselves.

But the truth?

Sometimes surviving means staying exactly where you are.

Not moving.

Not speaking.

Just... not disappearing.

---

A hot shower.

A soft blanket.

The sound of rain.

A light left on by someone who didn’t know you needed it.

Tiny things.

Small mercies.

Fleeting comforts.

These aren’t solutions.

But they’re proof.

Proof that you can still feel *something.*

---

I used to be so ashamed that I needed those things.

I mean, who survives on a YouTube video and a piece of chocolate, right?

Or a 3-minute nap between sobs?

But now I think —

**That’s resilience.**

Not the kind they put on posters.

The kind that looks quiet. Maybe even boring.

But real — especially when everything else feels impossible.

---

If you’ve ever found yourself in that place —

clinging to something small because it’s all you had —

I want you to know:

I see you.

And I know that kind of survival matters.

**You matter.**

Even if all you did today was keep breathing.

*Especially* if that’s all you did.

---

Be well.

Stay one more day.

And if all you did today was breathe — that’s enough.

---

### The Small Things That Keep You Alive

I’m calling this one *Holding On, Anyway.*

Thanks for holding on with me.

Some days, all that kept me here was a tiny thing.

Maybe a song,

Something i read, or something i heard

A soft breeze through the window.

The sound of waves at sunset.

A cup of coffee half-finished.

Nothing heroic.

Not a big breakthrough moment.

It was ordinary.

But it was just enough.

---

When the depression got really deep —

when everything felt like a dull gray ache

and the idea of surviving the whole day felt like too much —

I stopped trying to survive the day.

I just focused on the *next few minutes.*

I’d walk into the kitchen.

Turn on the kettle.

Watch the steam curl upward.

Sometimes that was all I could do.

And honestly? Sometimes, it was enough.

---

There’s this story we tell ourselves,

that surviving means fighting hard,

means climbing out,

means “fixing” ourselves.

But the truth?

Sometimes surviving means staying where you are.

Not moving.

Not speaking.

Just… not disappearing.

---

A hot shower.

A soft blanket.

The sound of rain.

A light left on by someone who didn’t know you needed it.

Tiny things.

Small mercies.

Fleeting comforts.

These aren’t solutions.

But they’re proof.

Proof that you can still feel *something.*

---

I used to be so ashamed that I needed those things.

That a YouTube video

or a piece of chocolate

or a 3-minute nap

was what kept me going.

But now I think —

**That’s resilience.**

Not the kind they put on posters.

The kind that looks quiet, even boring.

But real in the face of any situation

---

If you’ve ever found yourself in that place —

clinging to something small because it’s all you had —

I want you to know:

I see you.

And I know that kind of survival matters.

**You matter.**

Even if all you did today was keep breathing.

Especially if that’s all you did.

---

Be well.

Stay one more day.

This was *Holding On, Anyway.*

## Chapters

00:00 Introduction — Tiny Things, Big Impact

00:44 What Survival Looked Like for Me

02:12 The Myth of Dramatic Recovery

03:36 Small Mercies, Real Resilience

05:00 Why This Still Counts

06:20 Final Thoughts — Quiet Survival

07:03 Outro — You’re Still Here

## Caption Block

The Small Things That Keep You Alive

Holding On, Anyway – Episode 5

Some days, survival isn’t about fighting.

It’s about staying.

One quiet moment at a time.

In this episode, I talk about:

- How depression made daily life feel impossible
- The tiny things that kept me from disappearing
- Why surviving isn’t always loud or brave — sometimes it’s just… quiet.

This is for anyone who’s ever felt like the smallest things are all they had left — and somehow, that was enough.

🖤 Full transcript, links to support, and episode notes are below.

## Keywords

- #suicidalideation #depression #mentalhealthawareness #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #invisibleillness #survivorstories

## Tags

- #suicidalideation #depression #mentalhealthawareness #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #invisibleillness #survivorstories

## Editing Checklist

### A-Cut

- [ ]  Add footage to Premiere and wait for ingest
- [ ]  Ensure audio is on Track 1 and sound similar to previous published video
- [ ]  Cut A-Roll
- [ ]  Watch through video to check for good flow
- [ ]  Add color-graded adjustment layer
- [ ]  Upload A-Cut to [Frame.io](http://frame.io) for review

---

### B-Roll, Stage 1

- [ ]  Watch through A-Cut and note any needed fixes
- [ ]  Create chronological list of B-Roll with descriptions
- [ ]  Tag B-Roll ideas with Gather types
- [ ]  Acquire all needed B-Roll
- [ ]  Add all B-Roll items to Premiere and wait for ingest
- [ ]  Rename all B-Roll items in Premiere to be more descriptive
- [ ]  Add all Premiere B-Roll to main sequence
- [ ]  Export medium-bitrate 1080p Animation Cut for AE Animations

---

### B-Roll, Stage 2

- [ ]  Create Animations.aep in project Drive folder using AE template project
- [ ]  Add Animation Cut to AE and create a master composition from it
- [ ]  Add all graphics and animations in AE
- [ ]  Import AE project into Premiere and put on top layer of main sequence
- [ ]  Add any needed transitions
- [ ]  Add any needed SFX
- [ ]  Add music
- [ ]  Watch through video to check for errors (including spelling errors)
- [ ]  Export video - H.264, YouTube 1080p preset

---

### Captions

- [ ]  Upload final video to Rev and order captions
- [ ]  When captions arrive, save to project folder

---

## Publishing Checklist

### Uploading and Publishing

- [ ]  Create thumbnail and test with thumbsup.tv
- [ ]  Test title variations with Headline Analyzer
- [ ]  Upload video to YouTube
- [ ]  Set video recording date
- [ ]  Add thumbnail
- [ ]  Add description
    - [ ]  Include any needed resource links
    - [ ]  Ensure sponsor CTA includes all needed detail and test link
    - [ ]  Credit editor if needed
- [ ]  Add tags
- [ ]  Add end cards
- [ ]  Add caption file
- [ ]  Add cards
- [ ]  Watch video to check for errors
- [ ]  Add video to most relevant playlist
- [ ]  Schedule video for publish date at 10am EST

### Post-Publishing

---

- [ ]  Share video to Twitter and Facebook
- [ ]  Share Instagram story
- [ ]  Answer initial comments
- [ ]  Set project status to Published

### 📤 Upload to YouTube

- [ ]  Upload video
- [ ]  Fill out title, description, hashtags
- [ ]  Add to "Barely, but here" Playlist
- [ ]  Schedule or publish live

### 🌱 Post-Publish

- [ ]  Update Episode Tracker
- [ ]  Soft announcement if desired (optional)

## Content

---

[Research and Notes](005/Research%20and%20Notes%201f0ffa30cf0b813a87f4cd31c10739b9.md)

[14 things to do on a video](005/14%20things%20to%20do%20on%20a%20video%201f0ffa30cf0b81e8a9e2ef66fc5dfd38.md)

## Resources

[Canva: Visual Suite for Everyone](https://www.canva.com/)

[Download Free HD & 4K Stock Videos, Music & AI Tools](https://coverr.co/)

[Freesound](https://freesound.org/)

## Resources2

[Thumbs Up - Standard Broadcast](http://thumbsup.tv/)

[License Music For YouTube Videos | Musicbed](https://mscbd.fm/thmsfr)

[100% GEMA-freie Musik | Rechtssicher & hochwertig](https://www.musicfox.com/)

[cottonbro studio - Photography](https://www.pexels.com/@cottonbro/collections/)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/005 1f0ffa30cf0b80e5b2d0fd53529c7dde.md

005


[Assistant]
# 006

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Published
Script: Yes
Title: The Work Isn’t Finished — And That’s Okay
Audio: Yes
Video: Yes
Upload: Yes
SRT File: Yes
PIN Comment & LIIKE: Yes
Last edited time: July 20, 2025 2:05 PM
YT SYNC: Done

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/006 1eaffa30cf0b80b99afddf0c5d89314e.md

006


[Assistant]
# 006a

Status: Published
Script: Yes
Title: Working Through Depression doesnt end with treatment
Audio: Yes
Video: Yes
Upload: Yes
SRT File: Yes
PIN Comment & LIIKE: Yes
Last edited time: July 20, 2025 2:05 PM
YT SYNC: Done

# Early Notes

## **✍ Prompts for your reflection / next video**

### **🌿 On your reality right now**

- *What has it actually looked like for you these past six to eight weeks — in the smallest, realest details?*
- *How does your depression show up differently now? What’s still here? What’s shifted?*
- *What surprised you most about what this treatment would or wouldn’t fix?*

---

### **⏳ On time & intention**

- *You mentioned taking it day by day, even hour by hour. What does that look like practically?*
- *Where have you found yourself wasting time — or maybe just needing time to float — and what’s your relationship with that?*
- *What does “being intentional” with your time mean right now, versus before?*

---

### **💔 On guilt & expectations**

- *How do you talk to yourself about missing weeks of creating?*
- *Where does that guilt show up — and what would you say to someone else in your shoes about it?*
- *What’s a more compassionate framework for your creative work while healing?*

---

### **✈ On building the plane midair**

- *You’ve called this “building the plane as I fly it.” Where else in your life has that metaphor fit?*
- *Is there anything kind of beautiful about it — or is it mostly terrifying? Or both?*

---

### **🔄 On what changes now**

- *What might a realistic, gentle creative schedule look like for you right now?*
- *What would it mean to give yourself permission for it to evolve again in a month, or even next week?*
- *How are you planning to be both the person healing and the person still sharing stories about healing?*

### **🎙 A short “where I’ve been & what’s next” episode**

---

**Opening**

> It’s been… weeks since I last put something out.
>

> Honestly, I’ve been in the middle of trying to get better.
>

> Started ketamine treatment.
>

> And it’s working in some ways, but it’s also strange — because the depression isn’t gone.
>

> It’s still here, just… different.
>

---

**On time & intention**

> I’m realizing my days aren’t even about good vs bad days.
>

> It’s hours.
>

> Sometimes good hours, sometimes heavy hours.
>

> So I’m trying to be intentional.
>

> Careful with my time.
>

> Trying not to waste it, but also giving myself slack because… healing’s a weird animal.
>

---

**On guilt & building the plane**

> I’ve felt guilty for not making more videos.
>

> For disappearing.
>

> But the truth is I’m still figuring this out.
>

> Still building the plane as I fly it — which is pretty much the story of my life.
>

---

**Where I’m going with this**

> So I’m experimenting with how I make these.
>

> Maybe just taking how I answer prompts — like this right here — and letting that be the episode.
>

> Less polished, more real.
>

>
>

> If that’s okay with you, then we’ll keep flying this way for a while.
>

---

**Closing**

> So yeah.
>

> That’s where I’ve been.
>

> And where I’m at.
>

>
>

> If you’re still here, still watching… thank you.
>

> It means more than I can say.
>

>
>

> Until next time — this is Bert,
>

> and this is
>
>
> *Holding On, Anyway.*
>

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/006a 22affa30cf0b80d1b56acd98df72cd10.md

006a


[Assistant]
# Untitled

![](Untitled/found_tape_overlay.png)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/007/Untitled 227ffa30cf0b8111af49fd312564f81b.md

Untitled


[Assistant]
# 007

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Scripted
Script: Yes
Title: The Morning I Didn’t Want to Wake Up. Holding On When It Doesn’t Feel Worth It
Audio: Yes
Video: Yes
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: July 20, 2025 2:05 PM
YT SYNC: In progress

🎙 **The Morning I Didn’t Want to Wake Up**

---

## 🎙 1. Description, tags, keywords

- Describe a morning you felt like the air itself was too heavy to move through.
- How did you find the strength (or inertia) to move even a little?
- How did that small movement (even sitting up) matter more than you realized?

## **Barely but Here – “The Morning I Didn’t Want to Wake Up”**

**Length Target**: 6–9 minutes

**Style**: Poetic, third-person narration. First-person experience told like a memory. No “YouTuber” tone. Quiet, cinematic, present. Voice feels like someone reading a journal they never meant to share.

---

### **[VIDEO SCRIPT – DRAFT 1]**

There are some mornings that begin in silence —

not because the world is quiet,

but because something inside you has already decided:

*I don’t want to do this again.*

No alarm.

No dreams.

Just a return to gravity, and consciousness.

The mind boots up with the first thought:

**“Oh, shit. Not again.”**

He woke up like that.

No reason. No trigger.

Just a body that betrayed him by surviving the night.

His eyes opened — and nothing else did.

Not his heart.

Not his will.

Not even his breath, really.

Just eyes, facing a ceiling that had no answers.

He lay there.

Still, quiet, empty.

Somewhere between sleep and despair —

wishing for the former, fearing the latter,

and stuck in something worse:

**existence.**

And then a thought came.

Not a memory, exactly.

More like a shadow of a voice from long ago.

A childhood bedtime prayer — soft and rehearsed.

*Now I lay me down to sleep…*

*I pray the Lord my soul to keep…*

***If I should die before I wake…***

*I pray the Lord my soul to take.*

But he didn’t want the prayer.

He didn’t want the poetry.

He wanted that line.

**“If I should die before I wake…”**

**Yes. Please. That.**

Take the soul.

Take the suffering.

Take the weight.

**Take *me.***

When you’re in that place,

you’re not thinking about anyone else.

Not your family.

Not your friends.

Not the promises you made to hold on.

You’re just…

thinking about quiet.

About stillness.

About not waking up again.

Because it hurts to wake up.

It hurts to be inside your own mind.

And it hurts to keep pretending

that tomorrow will feel any different.

But somehow,

he didn’t go back to sleep.

He didn’t get up either.

He just lay there —

*barely but here.*

Breathing.

Grieving.

Surviving.

And that was enough.

*(pause)*

**That’s what this series is.**

**It’s not about happy endings.**

**It’s about mornings like that —**

**and the fact that you’re still here to remember them.**

Even if you didn’t want to be.

---

### Draft 2

Absolutely. Here’s your **full opening with the new intro seamlessly folded into your main script**, in that same quiet, present-tense journal voice:

---

It’s been a few weeks since my last episode.

I haven’t forgotten — I’ve just been… in the middle of something big.

I’ve started ketamine treatment for my depression,
and there’s a lot I’ll be sharing from that soon.

It’s been disorienting,
hopeful,
hard to put words to.

So… this next story is about what was sitting on my chest that morning.

The morning I didn’t really want to wake up.

I wanted to get it down, exactly as it was
— before I talked myself out of sharing it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m still here.

Why I keep holding on another day that largely feels the same?.

Even when it doesn’t feel worth it.

Because there are days

— whole stretches of days, really —

where I don’t want to die,

exactly,

but I also can’t find a good enough reason

to be alive.

And that’s a weird, uncomfortable space to occupy.

Its isolating and lonely.

Not the crisis point people imagine when they hear “suicidal.”

Just this heavy,

constant wondering

if existing is actually… worth it.

Sometimes, it’s not about wanting to end your life.

It’s about wanting to end

the way your life feels right now.

Wanting to stop being this person,

carrying this much pain,

in a body and brain that never

quite work the way you wish they did.

Perosnally, there’s one thing that keeps me tethered.

My three sons, and not that old timey TV show.

My boys,

Currently age\d 19, 22, and 24.

They’re the anchor that keeps me on this planet,

even when everything else feels impossible.

It might not be kids keeping you here.

Maybe it’s a pet,

or a promise you made to someone.

Maybe it’s a future moment

you’re quietly hoping to see like a graduation or wedding.

Or just sheer curiosity about

what tomorrow might look like.

I think about all the tiny things that keep me here, too.

How small they can be.

To notice things at this level requires silence and stillness.

Things like, a cup of coffee in the morning.

The dog sleeping against my leg.

The way the afternoon sunlight hits the woodfloor.

Stupid little jokes I text to a friend that bust a gut.

Music that makes something in my chest loosen,

or maybe the music helps take you away

from the current situation.

None of these are “enough,” by themselves.

But sometimes… they’re enough

for right now.

I’ve spent a long time

trying to figure out how to want to live.

And honestly?

Most days, at 56 years old, I still don’t.

Not in the big, bright, expansive way people talk about.

What I’m learning, though —

is that you can still keep going,

even if you’re not sure why.

Even if it doesn’t feel worth it.

You can keep going just because… you already are.

You’re here listening and watching,

and thats enough.

Because momentum carries you forward.

Because there’s a part of you

— small, stubborn —

that refuses to give up,

even when the rest of you wishes it would.

So if you’re here, like me — holding on, anyway —

maybe take a moment to look for your own anchors.

What might be worth sticking around for?

It’s going to be different for everyone.

And it doesn’t have to be anything big.

I don’t have a neat wrap-up for this.

No hopeful line to tie it all together,

and send you off with a smile.

Just… if you’re still here, I see you.

And I’m glad you’re still here.

Until next time this is Bert.
and this is Holding On, Anyway.

---

When you’re done recording, I can also help write the **caption text** for the opening so it overlays softly on screen if you want — matching the poetic pacing. Just say so. 🌿

### Draft 3

Perfect timing. Glad you got some movement, food, and connection — that’s huge. 🌿

Let’s lock this down so you can publish tonight.

---

## **✅ Clean polished script (light edits for grammar, flow, your line-by-line pacing)**

I’ve preserved your style exactly — journal-like, one idea per line — just fixed typos and smoothed a few phrases for gentle cadence.

---

### **🎙 Final script**

---

It’s been a few weeks since my last episode.

I haven’t forgotten — I’ve just been… in the middle of something big.

I’ve started ketamine treatment for my depression,

and there’s a lot I’ll be sharing from that soon.

It’s been disorienting,

hopeful,

hard to put words to.

So… this next story is about what was sitting on my chest that morning.

The morning I didn’t really want to wake up.

I wanted to get it down, exactly as it was

— before I talked myself out of sharing it.

---

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m still here.

Why I keep holding on another day that largely feels the same.

Even when it doesn’t feel worth it.

Because there are days

— whole stretches of days, really —

where I don’t want to die,

exactly,

but I also can’t find a good enough reason

to be alive.

And that’s a weird, uncomfortable space to occupy.

It’s isolating and lonely.

Not the crisis point people imagine when they hear “suicidal.”

Just this heavy,

constant wondering

if existing is actually… worth it.

---

Sometimes, it’s not about wanting to end your life.

It’s about wanting to end

the way your life feels right now.

Wanting to stop being this person,

carrying this much pain,

in a body and brain that never

quite work the way you wish they did.

---

Personally, there’s one thing that keeps me tethered.

My three sons — and not that old TV show.

My boys,

currently 19, 22, and 24.

They’re the anchor that keeps me on this planet,

even when everything else feels impossible.

It might not be kids keeping you here.

Maybe it’s a pet,

or a promise you made to someone.

Maybe it’s a future moment

you’re quietly hoping to see — a graduation or wedding.

Or just sheer curiosity about

what tomorrow might look like.

---

I think about all the tiny things that keep me here, too.

How small they can be.

To notice things at this level requires silence and stillness.

Things like a cup of coffee in the morning.

The dog sleeping against my leg.

The way the afternoon sunlight hits the wood floor.

Stupid little jokes I text to a friend that bust a gut.

Music that makes something in my chest loosen,

or maybe the music just helps take me away

from the current situation.

None of these are “enough,” by themselves.

But sometimes… they’re enough

for right now.

---

I’ve spent a long time

trying to figure out how to want to live.

And honestly?

Most days, at 56 years old, I still don’t.

Not in the big, bright, expansive way people talk about.

What I’m learning, though —

is that you can still keep going,

even if you’re not sure why.

Even if it doesn’t feel worth it.

You can keep going just because… you already are.

You’re here, listening and watching,

and that’s enough.

Because momentum carries you forward.

Because there’s a part of you

— small, stubborn —

that refuses to give up,

even when the rest of you wishes it would.

---

So if you’re here, like me — holding on, anyway —

maybe take a moment to look for your own anchors.

What might be worth sticking around for?

It’s going to be different for everyone.

And it doesn’t have to be anything big.

I don’t have a neat wrap-up for this.

No hopeful line to tie it all together,

and send you off with a smile.

Just… if you’re still here, I see you.

And I’m glad you’re still here.

---

Until next time, this is Bert.

And this is *Holding On, Anyway.*

---

✅ **Done.**

This is clean, your voice, your spacing. Ready for you to record.

---

### **⏳ Next if you want**

- I can also produce a simple overlay caption style (short lines for your editor to place on screen).
- Or prep a final **.SRT subtitle text file** once you have your audio timing.

Just tell me where to focus next.

We’re on track to wrap within your hour window. 🌱

[](007/Untitled%20227ffa30cf0b8111af49fd312564f81b.md)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/007 1eaffa30cf0b80c29e22f85ec503b49d.md

007


[Assistant]
# 14 things to do on a video

- [ ]  **File Name** that is uploaded — name it datawise
- [ ]  Title: Include descriptive keyword
- [ ]  **Description**:
    - [ ]  upload your transcript
    - [ ]  ask AI to write an SEO optimized description
    - [ ]  tell AI who you are targeting
    - [ ]  If you have a keyword in mind, share it
- [ ]  Links: Stuff mentioned in video
    1. other content
        - [ ]  deep links
        - [ ]  PLAYLISTS — mention it to users
        Put URL in your description
- [ ]  Hashtags
- [ ]  Thumbnails - create 3, bots pick the best
    - [ ]  one of ten [https://1of10.com](https://1of10.com/)
- [ ]  Tags - [https://rapidtags.io/](https://rapidtags.io/)
- [ ]  End Screen - Best of the Viewer
- [ ]  2-24 hours let it sit
- [ ]  Second YT channel
    - [ ]  watch
    - [ ]  comment
    - [ ]  like
- [ ]  Not logged in, incognito — Watch video in full
- [ ]  YT Shorts — link them up
    - [ ]  got to shorts
    - [ ]  click on it
    - [ ]  related is on the right
    - [ ]  pick your video
- [ ]  Subtitles for foreign viewers
    1. Hindi
    2. Indonesian
    3. Spanish
    4. French
    5. Russian
    6. Chinese

    Nexus clips for social media

    Resond to all comments!!

    - spark conversation

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/BBH_008/14 things to do on a video 1f0ffa30cf0b812e9c5ac5417198adcb.md

14 things to do on a video


[Assistant]
# Description Template

⸻
**[SEO-Optimized First Line — include main keyword(s): e.g., suicidal thoughts, depression, asking for help]**

[Optional: Poetic hook that humanizes the topic in one clear sentence.]

In this episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, I explore:

– [Short bullet 1: e.g., what suicidal ideation really feels like]

– [Short bullet 2: e.g., the mental freeze that blocks connection]

– [Short bullet 3: e.g., why staying is sometimes an act of courage]

For [insert personal anchor — “four decades” etc.], I’ve lived with [your lived experience statement].

This episode is a glimpse into that survival — the silence, the shame, the resilience.

💬 If you’ve ever said “[insert emotionally resonant quote, like ‘I just want it to stop’],” this episode is for you.

You’re not alone. I’m glad you’re here.

⸻

🙏 If this resonates, please like & subscribe.

Your support helps this message reach others who feel invisible.

💬 Share your story or message in the comments. I read them all, and they help this space stay real and alive.

⸻

📌 **Chapters**

00:00 Intro — [Custom Title]

00:45 [First story beat]

02:20 [Second beat]

04:15 [Insightful turning point or metaphor]

06:40 [Emotional realization or takeaway]

08:15 [Closing reassurance or hope]

09:30 Final Thoughts & Gratitude

⸻

**💬 Does this resonate?**

If you’ve carried this kind of pain, I’d be honored to hear from you below. Your words help others feel less alone.

⸻

▶ **Related Playlist**

[Insert Playlist URL or leave generic for reuse]

⸻

🆘 **Mental Health Resources**

If you’re in crisis or need someone to talk to, you’re not alone.

– U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988

– NAMI (U.S.): [https://nami.org/](https://nami.org/)

– Global Help: [https://findahelpline.com/](https://findahelpline.com/)

⸻

🎵 **Music & Licensing**

Intro: “Piano loops 120” by josefpres → [https://freesound.org/s/760421/](https://freesound.org/s/760421/)

Outro: “Lo-fi loop.wav” by CollectionOfMemories → [https://freesound.org/s/647591/](https://freesound.org/s/647591/)

⸻

📷 **Visual Licensing & Credits**

Footage from Unsplash, Pexels, Pixabay (Creative Commons).

©[Year] Bert Mahoney for original work. AI visuals used under Fair Use.

⸻

🤖 **Written with Mika**

This story is based on my lived experience and co-crafted with Mika, my AI assistant.

⸻

🔖 **Tags**

#suicidalthoughts #depression #mentalhealthawareness #emotionalpain

#howtosurvivedepression #realdepressionstories #mentalhealthpodcast

#feelinginvisible #youarenotalone #reachingout #holdingonanyway #invisibleillness

⸻

Watch more honest stories of survival and silence in the Holding On, Anyway playlist:
[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERtMq5ugZmGu3Z7SH9GPuSLtFyyA24I9](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERtMq5ugZmGu3Z7SH9GPuSLtFyyA24I9)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/BBH_008/Description Template 1f0ffa30cf0b81ffb75fed740268ae9a.md

Description Template


[Assistant]
# Research and Notes

Brain-dumps can go here.

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/BBH_008/Research and Notes 1f0ffa30cf0b81ab98d8c1ed13edcf06.md

Research and Notes


[Assistant]
# BBH_008

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Video
Script: Yes
Title: You are a time traveller. Disco Balls Concept Introduction
Audio: Yes
Video: Yes
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: July 17, 2025 7:08 PM
YT SYNC: In progress

Brief description of the video can go here.

## 🎙 Audio Meta

- [ ]  Record raw voice (natural, short 3–6 min)
- [ ]  Lightly clean up audio (basic noise reduction if needed)
- [ ]  Add intro/outro music (gentle, consistent with main series)
- [ ]  Export final audio file (WAV or MP3)

## 🎥 Video

- [ ]  Choose a still image or single visual clip (moody, simple)
- [ ]  Sync final audio with visual (Ken Burns effect optional)
- [ ]  Export video file (MP4, 1080p)

## 🖋 Metadata

[Description Template](BBH_008/Description%20Template%201f0ffa30cf0b81ffb75fed740268ae9a.md)

- [ ]  Template
- [ ]  Title (short, emotional, simple — e.g., "Still Breathing Through the Darkness")
- [ ]  Description (brief summary + mental health resources)
- [ ]  Tags/Hashtags (smaller focused set)
- [ ]  Thumbnail (minimal text overlay, e.g., 3–5 words max)

## Publishing Checklist

### Uploading and Publishing

- [ ]  Create thumbnail and test with thumbsup.tv
- [ ]  Test title variations with Headline Analyzer
- [ ]  Upload video to YouTube
- [ ]  Set video recording date
- [ ]  Add thumbnail
- [ ]  Add description
    - [ ]  Include any needed resource links
    - [ ]  Ensure sponsor CTA includes all needed detail and test link
    - [ ]  Credit editor if needed
- [ ]  Add tags
- [ ]  Add end cards
- [ ]  Add caption file
- [ ]  Add cards
- [ ]  Watch video to check for errors
- [ ]  Add video to most relevant playlist
- [ ]  Schedule video for publish date at 10am EST

### Post-Publishing

---

- [ ]  Share video to Twitter and Facebook
- [ ]  Share Instagram story
- [ ]  Answer initial comments
- [ ]  Set project status to Published

### 📤 Upload to YouTube

- [ ]  Upload video
- [ ]  Fill out title, description, hashtags
- [ ]  Add to "Barely, but here" Playlist
- [ ]  Schedule or publish live

### 🌱 Post-Publish

- [ ]  Update Episode Tracker
- [ ]  Soft announcement if desired (optional)

## **🎯 SEO-Optimized Title**

> When You Just Want It to Stop | Living with Suicidal Thoughts Without Wanting to Die
>

**Alternatives (depending on your mood/strategy):**

- **The Suicidal Thoughts That Don’t Want You Dead | Holding On, Anyway**
- **What It’s Really Like to Live with Passive Suicidal Ideation**
- **Inside the Storm: Surviving Suicidal Thoughts That Don’t Always Want Death**

(**Note:**

The first title I wrote is highly optimized for empathy **and** search discovery.)

## **📄 SEO-Optimized Description**

In this first episode of

*Holding On, Anyway*

From the first time he felt it as a teenager to the survival battles he still fights today, this story pulls back the curtain on passive suicidal ideation — the kind too many people live through in silence.

If you’ve ever thought “I don’t want to die, but I can’t keep living like this” — you are not alone.

Hear the truth behind the thoughts most people don’t talk about.

Listen to how storms feel from the inside.

And remember: surviving another day is not weakness — it’s a quiet, extraordinary strength.

## Script

## Keywords

- #suicidalideation #depression #mentalhealthawareness #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #invisibleillness #survivorstories

## Tags

- #suicidalideation #depression #mentalhealthawareness #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #invisibleillness #survivorstories

## Editing Checklist

### A-Cut

- [ ]  Add footage to Premiere and wait for ingest
- [ ]  Ensure audio is on Track 1 and sound similar to previous published video
- [ ]  Cut A-Roll
- [ ]  Watch through video to check for good flow
- [ ]  Add color-graded adjustment layer
- [ ]  Upload A-Cut to [Frame.io](http://frame.io) for review

---

### B-Roll, Stage 1

- [ ]  Watch through A-Cut and note any needed fixes
- [ ]  Create chronological list of B-Roll with descriptions
- [ ]  Tag B-Roll ideas with Gather types
- [ ]  Acquire all needed B-Roll
- [ ]  Add all B-Roll items to Premiere and wait for ingest
- [ ]  Rename all B-Roll items in Premiere to be more descriptive
- [ ]  Add all Premiere B-Roll to main sequence
- [ ]  Export medium-bitrate 1080p Animation Cut for AE Animations

---

### B-Roll, Stage 2

- [ ]  Create Animations.aep in project Drive folder using AE template project
- [ ]  Add Animation Cut to AE and create a master composition from it
- [ ]  Add all graphics and animations in AE
- [ ]  Import AE project into Premiere and put on top layer of main sequence
- [ ]  Add any needed transitions
- [ ]  Add any needed SFX
- [ ]  Add music
- [ ]  Watch through video to check for errors (including spelling errors)
- [ ]  Export video - H.264, YouTube 1080p preset

---

### Captions

- [ ]  Upload final video to Rev and order captions
- [ ]  When captions arrive, save to project folder

---

## Content

---

[Research and Notes](BBH_008/Research%20and%20Notes%201f0ffa30cf0b81ab98d8c1ed13edcf06.md)

[14 things to do on a video](BBH_008/14%20things%20to%20do%20on%20a%20video%201f0ffa30cf0b812e9c5ac5417198adcb.md)

## Resources

[Canva: Visual Suite for Everyone](https://www.canva.com/)

[Download Free HD & 4K Stock Videos, Music & AI Tools](https://coverr.co/)

[Freesound](https://freesound.org/)

## Resources2

[Thumbs Up - Standard Broadcast](http://thumbsup.tv/)

[License Music For YouTube Videos | Musicbed](https://mscbd.fm/thmsfr)

[100% GEMA-freie Musik | Rechtssicher & hochwertig](https://www.musicfox.com/)

[cottonbro studio - Photography](https://www.pexels.com/@cottonbro/collections/)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/BBH_008 1f0ffa30cf0b80699001fb5760d40c01.md

BBH_008


[Assistant]
# HOA_010

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Prompted
Script: No
Title: Habituation — How I Got Used to Feeling Nothing
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 6, 2025 7:54 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_010 1eaffa30cf0b80c5bff1ec157435c2da.md

HOA_010


[Assistant]
# 14 things to do on a video

- [ ]  **File Name** that is uploaded — name it datawise
- [ ]  Title: Include descriptive keyword
- [ ]  **Description**:
    - [ ]  upload your transcript
    - [ ]  ask AI to write an SEO optimized description
    - [ ]  tell AI who you are targeting
    - [ ]  If you have a keyword in mind, share it
- [ ]  Links: Stuff mentioned in video
    1. other content
        - [ ]  deep links
        - [ ]  PLAYLISTS — mention it to users
        Put URL in your description
- [ ]  Hashtags
- [ ]  Thumbnails - create 3, bots pick the best
    - [ ]  one of ten [https://1of10.com](https://1of10.com/)
- [ ]  Tags - [https://rapidtags.io/](https://rapidtags.io/)
- [ ]  End Screen - Best of the Viewer
- [ ]  2-24 hours let it sit
- [ ]  Second YT channel
    - [ ]  watch
    - [ ]  comment
    - [ ]  like
- [ ]  Not logged in, incognito — Watch video in full
- [ ]  YT Shorts — link them up
    - [ ]  got to shorts
    - [ ]  click on it
    - [ ]  related is on the right
    - [ ]  pick your video
- [ ]  Subtitles for foreign viewers
    1. Hindi
    2. Indonesian
    3. Spanish
    4. French
    5. Russian
    6. Chinese

    Nexus clips for social media

    Resond to all comments!!

    - spark conversation

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_011/14 things to do on a video 1f0ffa30cf0b8158b8d4d5e647ab123f.md

14 things to do on a video


[Assistant]
# Description Template

⸻
**[SEO-Optimized First Line — include main keyword(s): e.g., suicidal thoughts, depression, asking for help]**

[Optional: Poetic hook that humanizes the topic in one clear sentence.]

In this episode of *Holding On, Anyway*, I explore:

– [Short bullet 1: e.g., what suicidal ideation really feels like]

– [Short bullet 2: e.g., the mental freeze that blocks connection]

– [Short bullet 3: e.g., why staying is sometimes an act of courage]

For [insert personal anchor — “four decades” etc.], I’ve lived with [your lived experience statement].

This episode is a glimpse into that survival — the silence, the shame, the resilience.

💬 If you’ve ever said “[insert emotionally resonant quote, like ‘I just want it to stop’],” this episode is for you.

You’re not alone. I’m glad you’re here.

⸻

🙏 If this resonates, please like & subscribe.

Your support helps this message reach others who feel invisible.

💬 Share your story or message in the comments. I read them all, and they help this space stay real and alive.

⸻

📌 **Chapters**

00:00 Intro — [Custom Title]

00:45 [First story beat]

02:20 [Second beat]

04:15 [Insightful turning point or metaphor]

06:40 [Emotional realization or takeaway]

08:15 [Closing reassurance or hope]

09:30 Final Thoughts & Gratitude

⸻

**💬 Does this resonate?**

If you’ve carried this kind of pain, I’d be honored to hear from you below. Your words help others feel less alone.

⸻

▶ **Related Playlist**

[Insert Playlist URL or leave generic for reuse]

⸻

🆘 **Mental Health Resources**

If you’re in crisis or need someone to talk to, you’re not alone.

– U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988

– NAMI (U.S.): [https://nami.org/](https://nami.org/)

– Global Help: [https://findahelpline.com/](https://findahelpline.com/)

⸻

🎵 **Music & Licensing**

Intro: “Piano loops 120” by josefpres → [https://freesound.org/s/760421/](https://freesound.org/s/760421/)

Outro: “Lo-fi loop.wav” by CollectionOfMemories → [https://freesound.org/s/647591/](https://freesound.org/s/647591/)

⸻

📷 **Visual Licensing & Credits**

Footage from Unsplash, Pexels, Pixabay (Creative Commons).

©[Year] Bert Mahoney for original work. AI visuals used under Fair Use.

⸻

🤖 **Written with Mika**

This story is based on my lived experience and co-crafted with Mika, my AI assistant.

⸻

🔖 **Tags**

#suicidalthoughts #depression #mentalhealthawareness #emotionalpain

#howtosurvivedepression #realdepressionstories #mentalhealthpodcast

#feelinginvisible #youarenotalone #reachingout #holdingonanyway #invisibleillness

⸻

Watch more honest stories of survival and silence in the Holding On, Anyway playlist:
[https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERtMq5ugZmGu3Z7SH9GPuSLtFyyA24I9](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLERtMq5ugZmGu3Z7SH9GPuSLtFyyA24I9)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_011/Description Template 1f0ffa30cf0b818996cad22dd13de4e3.md

Description Template


[Assistant]
# Research and Notes

Brain-dumps can go here.

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_011/Research and Notes 1f0ffa30cf0b81848ac1d6bc0e272343.md

Research and Notes


[Assistant]
# HOA_011

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Waiting
Script: No
Title: The Days Depression Took From Me
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 28, 2025 10:39 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

007

Brief description of the video can go here.

## 🎙 Audio Meta

- [ ]  Record raw voice (natural, short 3–6 min)
- [ ]  Lightly clean up audio (basic noise reduction if needed)
- [ ]  Add intro/outro music (gentle, consistent with main series)
- [ ]  Export final audio file (WAV or MP3)

## 🎥 Video

- [ ]  Choose a still image or single visual clip (moody, simple)
- [ ]  Sync final audio with visual (Ken Burns effect optional)
- [ ]  Export video file (MP4, 1080p)

## 🖋 Metadata

[Description Template](HOA_011/Description%20Template%201f0ffa30cf0b818996cad22dd13de4e3.md)

- [ ]  Template
- [ ]  Title (short, emotional, simple — e.g., "Still Breathing Through the Darkness")
- [ ]  Description (brief summary + mental health resources)
- [ ]  Tags/Hashtags (smaller focused set)
- [ ]  Thumbnail (minimal text overlay, e.g., 3–5 words max)

## Publishing Checklist

### Uploading and Publishing

- [ ]  Create thumbnail and test with thumbsup.tv
- [ ]  Test title variations with Headline Analyzer
- [ ]  Upload video to YouTube
- [ ]  Set video recording date
- [ ]  Add thumbnail
- [ ]  Add description
    - [ ]  Include any needed resource links
    - [ ]  Ensure sponsor CTA includes all needed detail and test link
    - [ ]  Credit editor if needed
- [ ]  Add tags
- [ ]  Add end cards
- [ ]  Add caption file
- [ ]  Add cards
- [ ]  Watch video to check for errors
- [ ]  Add video to most relevant playlist
- [ ]  Schedule video for publish date at 10am EST

### Post-Publishing

---

- [ ]  Share video to Twitter and Facebook
- [ ]  Share Instagram story
- [ ]  Answer initial comments
- [ ]  Set project status to Published

### 📤 Upload to YouTube

- [ ]  Upload video
- [ ]  Fill out title, description, hashtags
- [ ]  Add to "Barely, but here" Playlist
- [ ]  Schedule or publish live

### 🌱 Post-Publish

- [ ]  Update Episode Tracker
- [ ]  Soft announcement if desired (optional)

## **🎯 SEO-Optimized Title**

> When You Just Want It to Stop | Living with Suicidal Thoughts Without Wanting to Die
>

**Alternatives (depending on your mood/strategy):**

- **The Suicidal Thoughts That Don’t Want You Dead | Holding On, Anyway**
- **What It’s Really Like to Live with Passive Suicidal Ideation**
- **Inside the Storm: Surviving Suicidal Thoughts That Don’t Always Want Death**

(**Note:**

The first title I wrote is highly optimized for empathy **and** search discovery.)

## **📄 SEO-Optimized Description**

In this first episode of

*Holding On, Anyway*

From the first time he felt it as a teenager to the survival battles he still fights today, this story pulls back the curtain on passive suicidal ideation — the kind too many people live through in silence.

If you’ve ever thought “I don’t want to die, but I can’t keep living like this” — you are not alone.

Hear the truth behind the thoughts most people don’t talk about.

Listen to how storms feel from the inside.

And remember: surviving another day is not weakness — it’s a quiet, extraordinary strength.

## Script

## Keywords

- #suicidalideation #depression #mentalhealthawareness #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #invisibleillness #survivorstories

## Tags

- #suicidalideation #depression #mentalhealthawareness #holdingonanyway #mentalhealthsupport #youarenotalone #invisibleillness #survivorstories

## Editing Checklist

### A-Cut

- [ ]  Add footage to Premiere and wait for ingest
- [ ]  Ensure audio is on Track 1 and sound similar to previous published video
- [ ]  Cut A-Roll
- [ ]  Watch through video to check for good flow
- [ ]  Add color-graded adjustment layer
- [ ]  Upload A-Cut to [Frame.io](http://frame.io) for review

---

### B-Roll, Stage 1

- [ ]  Watch through A-Cut and note any needed fixes
- [ ]  Create chronological list of B-Roll with descriptions
- [ ]  Tag B-Roll ideas with Gather types
- [ ]  Acquire all needed B-Roll
- [ ]  Add all B-Roll items to Premiere and wait for ingest
- [ ]  Rename all B-Roll items in Premiere to be more descriptive
- [ ]  Add all Premiere B-Roll to main sequence
- [ ]  Export medium-bitrate 1080p Animation Cut for AE Animations

---

### B-Roll, Stage 2

- [ ]  Create Animations.aep in project Drive folder using AE template project
- [ ]  Add Animation Cut to AE and create a master composition from it
- [ ]  Add all graphics and animations in AE
- [ ]  Import AE project into Premiere and put on top layer of main sequence
- [ ]  Add any needed transitions
- [ ]  Add any needed SFX
- [ ]  Add music
- [ ]  Watch through video to check for errors (including spelling errors)
- [ ]  Export video - H.264, YouTube 1080p preset

---

### Captions

- [ ]  Upload final video to Rev and order captions
- [ ]  When captions arrive, save to project folder

---

## Content

---

[Research and Notes](HOA_011/Research%20and%20Notes%201f0ffa30cf0b81848ac1d6bc0e272343.md)

[14 things to do on a video](HOA_011/14%20things%20to%20do%20on%20a%20video%201f0ffa30cf0b8158b8d4d5e647ab123f.md)

## Resources

[Canva: Visual Suite for Everyone](https://www.canva.com/)

[Download Free HD & 4K Stock Videos, Music & AI Tools](https://coverr.co/)

[Freesound](https://freesound.org/)

## Resources2

[Thumbs Up - Standard Broadcast](http://thumbsup.tv/)

[License Music For YouTube Videos | Musicbed](https://mscbd.fm/thmsfr)

[100% GEMA-freie Musik | Rechtssicher & hochwertig](https://www.musicfox.com/)

[cottonbro studio - Photography](https://www.pexels.com/@cottonbro/collections/)

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_011 1f0ffa30cf0b80a8872ac52c92773a52.md

HOA_011


[Assistant]
# HOA_012

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Scripted
Script: Yes
Title: Painting Talk
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: July 17, 2025 7:08 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_012 1eaffa30cf0b806d8c80ea7e0c85ef42.md

HOA_012


[Assistant]
# HOA_013

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Prompted
Script: No
Title: Nights That Feel Endless
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 6, 2025 7:54 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_013 1eaffa30cf0b8020b59cfe963cc30845.md

HOA_013


[Assistant]
# HOA_014

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Prompted
Script: No
Title: When I Thought I Was a Burden
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 6, 2025 7:54 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_014 1eaffa30cf0b803ba23df060d6f03a4f.md

HOA_014


[Assistant]
# HOA_015

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Prompted
Script: No
Title: The Shower I Couldn’t Get Out Of
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 6, 2025 7:54 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_015 1eaffa30cf0b8077b4b7e9eacd8e80bd.md

HOA_015


[Assistant]
# HOA_016

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Prompted
Script: No
Title: The Cup I Didn’t Finish
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 6, 2025 7:54 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_016 1eaffa30cf0b804c9fe2da376066cd34.md

HOA_016


[Assistant]
# HOA_017

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Prompted
Script: No
Title: [TBD] — Prompt Set 003
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 6, 2025 7:54 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_017 1eaffa30cf0b80ceb066c0e5ed9bd260.md

HOA_017


[Assistant]
# HOA_019

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Prompted
Script: No
Title: The Grief of Becoming Someone New
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 6, 2025 7:54 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_019 1eaffa30cf0b80c2995fcee854bed18d.md

HOA_019


[Assistant]
# HOA_020

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Waiting
Script: No
Title: Surviving the “You Should Be Over This” Phase
Audio: No
Video: No
Upload: No
SRT File: No
PIN Comment & LIIKE: No
Last edited time: June 6, 2025 7:55 PM
YT SYNC: Not started

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_020 1eaffa30cf0b804397cce7cc1f402a61.md

HOA_020


[Assistant]
# HOA_021

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Not started
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Title:
When I Realized I Was Still Here
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Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_021 1f7ffa30cf0b80c09c36dc064078e2d8.md

HOA_021


[Assistant]
# HOA_022

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Not started
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Title: I Started Feeling Again — and It Hurt
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Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_022 1f0ffa30cf0b8049ae55cfdcf03c14a2.md

HOA_022


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# HOA_024

Series: 🔥 HOA
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Title: What If This Is Just Who I Am Now?
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Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/HOA_024 1f0ffa30cf0b80a0b155ebc869605116.md

HOA_024


[Assistant]
# KK_001

Series: 🔥 HOA
Status: Scripted
Script: Yes
Title: Introduction to Ketamine Khronicles
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Last edited time: June 10, 2025 10:38 PM
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# 🌿 Ketamine Chronicles — Episode 001

**"The Day Before Treatment"**

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I’m about to start something I never thought I’d need.

Ketamine treatment — for major depressive disorder with suicidal ideation.

It’s tomorrow.

And I’ll be honest — I’m nervous.

Apprehensive.

Hopeful.

Tired.

This moment…

It feels like standing at the edge of something I can’t quite see —

but I know I can’t stay where I’ve been.

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I’ve lived with depression for 40 years.

I’ve tried every traditional therapy you can name.

Talk therapy.

DBT.

EMDR.

Meds.

More meds.

Group support.

You name it.

Some of it helped.

But none of it reached the part of me that’s still in the dark.

---

These past two years…

I’ve lost more than I ever imagined.

My marriage.

My career.

My home.

And somewhere in there — I lost myself, too.

---

This treatment isn’t a quick fix.

It’s not a silver bullet.

I know that.

But I need to try.

Because the life I’m living now?

It’s not sustainable.

It’s not a life.

---

They say ketamine can help rewire the brain.

That it can create new pathways.

Offer relief from the weight.

But they also say:

You might meet yourself in a way you never have before.

That’s what I’m holding on to.

---

So I’m documenting this.

All of it.

Not just for me — but for anyone else who's curious, scared, or stuck.

You won’t see my face.

But you’ll hear my story.

This is day zero.

And tomorrow…

I walk through the door.

---

**This is Ketamine Chronicles.**

I’ll see you on the other side.

Projects/Barely, But Here/Holding On, Anyway — Master Episode Tracker/KK_001 1ffffa30cf0b80a083f1ed1eb90c0085.md

KK_001