I’m so very sorry you hurt. 
So incredibly sorry. 
Feeling deep remorse.

While meditating these past few weeks I realize that any time I’m angry its root is deeply seeded fear. The fear from a frightened and scarred child of my past. 

My heart and head never learned to process anger or frustration properly when I was young, and really never learned to process it in a way considered mentally and emotionally healthy.

Instead of keeping an open heart, learning to be with uncomfortable feelings, processing them intelligently, learning how to talk about emotions, I instead closed up, pushed my feelings down, kept quiet as to not draw attention, and I internally berated myself. 

I lacked the benefit of long-term exposure to any emotionally intelligent role models growing up and that frustrates me.

My deficiencies hurt those I love the most; 
You, Aidan, Declan, Darragh.

And when you hurt, and I'm undeniably the root cause of that hurt and unhappiness, it’s the opposite of love. 

It’s the opposite of what I want to give you, and should be giving you.

I know we only have so many trips around the sun left in life. I want nothing more than to spend them with you. I love our life, our family and most of all I love you with all my heart Elizabeth .