[00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.500]   This is a Reflections episode.
[00:00:06.500 --> 00:00:09.100]   The work isn't finished.
[00:00:09.100 --> 00:00:13.300]   And that's okay.
[00:00:13.300 --> 00:00:21.380]   Today I want to talk about something a little messier, a little closer to the heart.
[00:00:21.380 --> 00:00:26.860]   I've spent the last 22 months alone.
[00:00:26.860 --> 00:00:34.020]   Not just living alone, but living inside myself.
[00:00:34.020 --> 00:00:48.820]   What I sometimes call bridge troll mode, where survival doesn't mean striving or growing.
[00:00:48.820 --> 00:00:58.620]   It just means enduring, and in that time I've learned something.
[00:00:58.620 --> 00:01:00.820]   The work of healing doesn't end.
[00:01:00.820 --> 00:01:08.100]   It's not a destination you reach, where everything finally makes sense.
[00:01:08.100 --> 00:01:14.260]   It's not a final chapter with a neat closing sentence.
[00:01:14.260 --> 00:01:24.660]   It's not a ribbon you break, or a finish line you cross, at the end of a long race.
[00:01:24.660 --> 00:01:33.980]   It's a river, it's fluid, it keeps moving.
[00:01:33.980 --> 00:01:43.060]   Some days you float, some days you struggle just to keep your head above water.
[00:01:43.060 --> 00:01:50.900]   Even a lot of the time, even when good things happen, even when someone sees you, or says
[00:01:50.900 --> 00:01:59.060]   something kind, your old wounds, they want to block it out.
[00:01:59.060 --> 00:02:07.300]   Your old voice says, "No, that can't be real, you don't deserve that."
[00:02:07.300 --> 00:02:20.260]   But it's so easy to believe that voice, because it's familiar, because it's been there longer
[00:02:20.260 --> 00:02:24.340]   than hope has.
[00:02:24.340 --> 00:02:27.020]   But here's what I'm learning.
[00:02:27.020 --> 00:02:34.740]   You don't have to fix it all, you don't have to perfectly heal, you don't have to erase
[00:02:34.740 --> 00:02:43.400]   every old scar, silence every old fear, you just have to leave a little crack open, a
[00:02:43.400 --> 00:02:52.180]   tiny crack where something good can get in, where a kind word can echo for a little while
[00:02:52.180 --> 00:02:56.060]   before that critic slams the door again.
[00:02:56.060 --> 00:03:01.820]   And sometimes, that's the bravest thing you'll do all day.
[00:03:01.820 --> 00:03:11.220]   Not defeating the storm, not conquering the pain, not fixing yourself.
[00:03:11.220 --> 00:03:21.020]   Just letting a little light find you before you disappear into the dark again.
[00:03:21.020 --> 00:03:29.300]   If you're still here, if you're still breathing, if you're still willing to leave, a tiny crack
[00:03:29.300 --> 00:03:37.620]   open even when it hurts, you're doing the work, you're healing.
[00:03:37.620 --> 00:03:50.740]   Even if it doesn't look like it yet, and I'm proud of you for it, be well.
[00:03:50.740 --> 00:03:52.220]   Stay one more day.