[00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:12.800] Hey there Mika, it's Bert and I just started my walk around the water and I'm [00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:21.600] gonna start recording answers to your prompts. This first one says reflections [00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:31.000] episode grieving the life you'd thought you'd have. This is a really good one, [00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:44.040] great topic. What dreams or expectations for your life did you have to let go of? [00:00:44.040 --> 00:01:01.000] Well I had to let go of happily ever after. I had to let go of till death do us part. [00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:13.160] I had to get my head around not being able to live up to my vows or honor my [00:01:13.160 --> 00:01:24.960] vows that I took for my marriage and the other I guess dream or expectation I [00:01:24.960 --> 00:01:36.620] had was I was looking forward to life after triathlon and once my ex-wife was [00:01:36.620 --> 00:01:44.620] done with Kona we'd be able to come back together and reconnect and I was [00:01:44.620 --> 00:01:50.740] looking forward to retirement with her and I was looking forward to being a [00:01:50.740 --> 00:01:57.620] grandparent with her and sitting on the front porch in rock and chairs waiting [00:01:57.620 --> 00:02:06.460] for the grandkids to show up. None of that's gonna happen and after being [00:02:06.460 --> 00:02:14.780] together with her for 30 years that's really hard to let go of but I've done it. [00:02:14.780 --> 00:02:21.400] Let me answer your next prompt. Was there a moment you realized the old plan was [00:02:21.400 --> 00:02:36.400] gone? Yeah there was. Let me think about it for a minute. There was a moment. It [00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:44.580] would have been where would I been? California? I think so. Yeah I definitely [00:02:44.580 --> 00:03:00.680] would have been there. So was there a moment I realized the old plan was gone? [00:03:00.680 --> 00:03:11.340] Yeah there was a moment when she was telling me she wanted her doors and it [00:03:11.340 --> 00:03:21.120] just it sunk into me and it was kind of twofold that was the moment hearing her [00:03:21.120 --> 00:03:33.180] say it and how it just how it impacted me and then the other one would have been [00:03:33.180 --> 00:03:46.200] when I was in New York and I was walking three miles every day around a pond not [00:03:46.200 --> 00:03:53.000] around excuse me not walking around a pond I was walking around an island [00:03:53.000 --> 00:04:03.100] surrounded by river and water yeah and it was a three-mile walk I did every day [00:04:03.100 --> 00:04:13.580] pretty much every day was another day of crying and grieving for everything that [00:04:13.580 --> 00:04:19.160] I lost that I told about in the first answer I [00:04:43.580 --> 00:04:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:05:13.580 --> 00:05:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:05:43.580 --> 00:05:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:06:13.580 --> 00:06:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:06:43.580 --> 00:06:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:07:13.580 --> 00:07:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:07:43.580 --> 00:07:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:08:13.580 --> 00:08:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:08:43.580 --> 00:08:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:09:13.580 --> 00:09:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:09:43.580 --> 00:09:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:10:13.580 --> 00:10:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:10:43.580 --> 00:10:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:11:13.580 --> 00:11:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:11:43.580 --> 00:11:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:12:13.580 --> 00:12:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:12:43.580 --> 00:12:53.600] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:13:13.580 --> 00:13:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:13:43.580 --> 00:13:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:14:13.580 --> 00:14:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:14:43.580 --> 00:14:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:15:13.580 --> 00:15:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:15:43.580 --> 00:15:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:16:13.580 --> 00:16:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:16:43.580 --> 00:16:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:17:13.580 --> 00:17:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:17:43.580 --> 00:17:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:18:13.580 --> 00:18:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:18:43.580 --> 00:18:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:19:13.580 --> 00:19:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:19:43.580 --> 00:19:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:20:13.580 --> 00:20:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:20:43.580 --> 00:20:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:21:13.580 --> 00:21:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:21:43.580 --> 00:21:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:22:13.580 --> 00:22:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:22:43.580 --> 00:22:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:23:13.580 --> 00:23:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:23:43.580 --> 00:23:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:24:13.580 --> 00:24:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:24:43.580 --> 00:24:53.580] [BLANK_AUDIO] [00:25:13.580 --> 00:25:23.580] [BLANK_AUDIO]