[00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.980]   And we got the wind, so hopefully we're getting this
[00:00:05.980 --> 00:00:16.000]   And the only way I'm gonna know is if it flashes off
[00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:21.060]   And right now I can't tell what the fuck it's doing
[00:00:21.060 --> 00:00:27.180]   There we go. So let's record. All right, let me get those prompts up
[00:00:30.540 --> 00:00:34.820]   The prompts, the prompts, hook me up the prompts
[00:00:34.820 --> 00:00:39.420]   So
[00:00:39.420 --> 00:00:42.740]   First prompt of set four is
[00:00:42.740 --> 00:00:51.080]   A barely but here episode the title is the cup. I didn't finish
[00:00:51.080 --> 00:00:59.060]   The prompts are was there a moment where
[00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:02.300]   Even finishing something simple
[00:01:02.300 --> 00:01:09.720]   Like a cup of coffee felt impossible
[00:01:09.720 --> 00:01:15.320]   What were the thoughts sleeping in your mind at the time
[00:01:15.320 --> 00:01:23.960]   Did you notice what stopped you or did it just slip away
[00:01:26.160 --> 00:01:34.600]   What made you realize you were still here anyway, was there okay, so first question. Was there a moment?
[00:01:34.600 --> 00:01:41.060]   We're finishing something like cup of coffee. Yeah
[00:01:41.060 --> 00:01:46.640]   My Answers. Yes, okay, let me think of an example of a time
[00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:54.560]   Yes, okay, so I actually had a coffee example happen and
[00:01:57.160 --> 00:01:59.160]   What
[00:01:59.160 --> 00:02:01.160]   What happened was
[00:02:01.160 --> 00:02:04.160]   I was at a coffee shop I
[00:02:04.160 --> 00:02:06.720]   Had been there
[00:02:06.720 --> 00:02:10.480]   maybe hour and a half two hours and
[00:02:10.480 --> 00:02:14.440]   I
[00:02:14.440 --> 00:02:16.440]   Maybe it was the coffee
[00:02:16.440 --> 00:02:24.160]   In combination with just what's going on in my mind and my body, but I felt this really
[00:02:26.440 --> 00:02:28.440]   You know
[00:02:28.440 --> 00:02:30.640]   Just this energy that
[00:02:30.640 --> 00:02:34.040]   Didn't want me
[00:02:34.040 --> 00:02:38.680]   Like didn't want me there it wanted me to leave and
[00:02:38.680 --> 00:02:48.440]   And I was confused cuz like I wanted to be there
[00:02:48.440 --> 00:02:51.360]   But there's this part of me
[00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:54.200]   telling me
[00:02:54.440 --> 00:02:56.840]   that I should get out of there and
[00:02:56.840 --> 00:03:02.240]   For the life of me and I had the hardest time
[00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:07.160]   Figuring out
[00:03:07.160 --> 00:03:13.920]   Why I went against the usual rhythm of things and
[00:03:20.160 --> 00:03:27.240]   Not clear if it was fear at a base level driving that or if it was
[00:03:27.240 --> 00:03:31.840]   Some other
[00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:38.040]   Manifestation, but my hunch is that fear was driving that
[00:03:38.040 --> 00:03:42.520]   The thoughts at the mind at the time was
[00:03:42.520 --> 00:03:45.520]   Let's get out of here
[00:03:45.520 --> 00:03:48.360]   But I looked at my coffee cup and it was still
[00:03:49.320 --> 00:03:51.320]   pretty full
[00:03:51.320 --> 00:03:53.520]   Maybe half full
[00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:55.720]   So I felt
[00:03:55.720 --> 00:03:58.480]   Like oh, I should stay
[00:03:58.480 --> 00:04:03.520]   But then that feeling said nope, you better get out of here. Let's get out of here
[00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:06.440]   And like I said, I don't know
[00:04:06.440 --> 00:04:09.360]   What the hell was driving that?
[00:04:09.360 --> 00:04:16.280]   At that time, but that was definitely the loop that was going on
[00:04:19.440 --> 00:04:21.440]   The next one is
[00:04:21.440 --> 00:04:23.840]   Did you notice?
[00:04:23.840 --> 00:04:28.280]   What stopped you or did it just slip away?
[00:04:28.280 --> 00:04:34.800]   I
[00:04:34.800 --> 00:04:42.200]   Actually went ahead and left the coffee shop. I did not
[00:04:42.200 --> 00:04:49.240]   Stay so I'm unsure how to read that prompt if I got stopped
[00:04:50.240 --> 00:04:58.120]   Or did just let it slip away is that meaning finishing my coffee cup or a cup of coffee because I did not do that
[00:04:58.120 --> 00:05:02.360]   I didn't finish my cup. I left and
[00:05:02.360 --> 00:05:06.560]   And
[00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:09.400]   In that moment answers the last prompt
[00:05:09.400 --> 00:05:18.200]   What made me realize is in that moment I went against normal habits and behavior I went against the green
[00:05:19.320 --> 00:05:21.320]   And I felt like I had
[00:05:21.320 --> 00:05:28.840]   Agency like I could make a decision and change my mind if I wanted to it wasn't that big of a deal
[00:05:28.840 --> 00:05:38.880]   Okay, next set of prompts holding on anyway episode
[00:05:38.880 --> 00:05:45.320]   Surviving the quote you should be over this phase
[00:05:48.840 --> 00:05:50.840]   So here are the prompts
[00:05:50.840 --> 00:05:56.960]   When people around you expected you to feel better. How did that feel?
[00:05:56.960 --> 00:06:02.200]   Next one. Did you try to perform recovery for others?
[00:06:02.200 --> 00:06:13.880]   Number three, what does it feel like when your pain outlasts other people's patience? Oh, that's a hard one
[00:06:13.880 --> 00:06:17.720]   How did you stay alive through that part?
[00:06:18.840 --> 00:06:22.240]   I almost want to say I'll be goddamn, if I know
[00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:28.960]   But really I will answer these best I can but these are some heavies
[00:06:28.960 --> 00:06:31.560]   Okay
[00:06:31.560 --> 00:06:36.800]   When people around me expect me to feel better. How did that feel?
[00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:39.640]   You know, it was
[00:06:39.640 --> 00:06:48.040]   It added to the already heavy load I was carrying
[00:06:48.440 --> 00:06:50.440]   because I
[00:06:50.440 --> 00:06:56.440]   Felt deficient in that I couldn't I
[00:06:56.440 --> 00:07:00.320]   Couldn't
[00:07:00.320 --> 00:07:08.440]   Get where they wanted me to be and that was disappointing them and
[00:07:08.440 --> 00:07:13.040]   Because of
[00:07:15.240 --> 00:07:22.960]   In core beliefs of not being good enough. I have a terrible habit of putting other people before me and
[00:07:22.960 --> 00:07:29.120]   Well, basically sacrifice my well-being to make others happy
[00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:35.960]   So when other people around me expect me to feel better, but I don't feel better
[00:07:35.960 --> 00:07:38.840]   It's as if it triggers some
[00:07:40.800 --> 00:07:45.240]   Deep need and me to make things right and want to
[00:07:45.240 --> 00:07:48.800]   You know
[00:07:48.800 --> 00:07:53.600]   please them or make it the way they want and that just adds a
[00:07:53.600 --> 00:08:01.360]   New gigantic level of stress and anxiety and fear on top of
[00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:06.520]   What you are already feeling and not feeling good enough about so
[00:08:07.320 --> 00:08:11.700]   It's you know, it's a robust. It's the snake eating its tail
[00:08:11.700 --> 00:08:16.400]   You know here. I am doing something that is in
[00:08:16.400 --> 00:08:20.800]   direct opposition of where I want to get to
[00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:23.720]   You know
[00:08:23.720 --> 00:08:31.960]   This the fake it or make it paradigm does not work when you have depression you can't fake happiness and
[00:08:31.960 --> 00:08:35.080]   Expected to just show up
[00:08:35.560 --> 00:08:37.560]   Doesn't work like that
[00:08:37.560 --> 00:08:40.040]   Next problem
[00:08:40.040 --> 00:08:48.400]   Did you try to perform recovery for others if by that you mean did I bust my ass trying to?
[00:08:48.400 --> 00:08:53.560]   You know pretend that I was okay. Yes
[00:08:53.560 --> 00:08:59.920]   And that was exhausting, you know that required
[00:08:59.920 --> 00:09:04.040]   levels of masking that are
[00:09:04.680 --> 00:09:06.680]   worthy of an Academy Award
[00:09:06.680 --> 00:09:12.880]   Really huge efforts of
[00:09:12.880 --> 00:09:20.960]   Mental emotional power is required to navigate those
[00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:24.080]   spaces and places
[00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:31.160]   So the third prompt says what does it feel like when you're paying out last other people's patients?
[00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:36.520]   And this I've lived and they become
[00:09:36.520 --> 00:09:42.240]   Very impatient, you know, why don't you just cheer up?
[00:09:42.240 --> 00:09:49.680]   Think about positive things, you know, remember good memories things like that and
[00:09:49.680 --> 00:09:57.720]   Again, I can meditate on those but it just because I focus on that doesn't flip a switch inside me
[00:09:57.960 --> 00:10:01.520]   I'll still be in that place where I'm stewing over
[00:10:01.520 --> 00:10:05.080]   You know, just bullshit, so
[00:10:05.080 --> 00:10:08.840]   Yeah
[00:10:08.840 --> 00:10:15.560]   So yeah, when it when it when my pain out lasts their patients
[00:10:15.560 --> 00:10:23.640]   Like it it like ties into the thing. I just said which is I suddenly feel like I've let other people down
[00:10:24.240 --> 00:10:28.160]   Because I could not get myself to where they wanted me to be
[00:10:28.160 --> 00:10:32.120]   to be better to be happy that kind of vibe, but
[00:10:32.120 --> 00:10:34.840]   was not
[00:10:34.840 --> 00:10:36.840]   going to happen and
[00:10:36.840 --> 00:10:41.160]   You know, that's how it rolls sometimes
[00:10:41.160 --> 00:10:45.240]   One thing I have learned
[00:10:45.240 --> 00:10:49.560]   Big time from this entire experience is acceptance
[00:10:50.560 --> 00:10:53.760]   I was someone who always fought against the waves
[00:10:53.760 --> 00:10:59.800]   Instead of surfing them and going with the flow
[00:10:59.800 --> 00:11:03.480]   Which is what I aim for now
[00:11:03.480 --> 00:11:13.600]   So when my pain outlast the people's patients, I would feel bad. I would beat myself up. I would
[00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:17.480]   trigger
[00:11:17.480 --> 00:11:18.960]   the
[00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:24.080]   Hard core critic inside of me that would just chew my ass out
[00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:33.120]   Making me feel even worse if I didn't have awareness that the voice and the depression were in control
[00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:37.920]   That evil voice drove the bus
[00:11:37.920 --> 00:11:40.840]   It drove it everywhere
[00:11:40.840 --> 00:11:44.240]   And when you're tired
[00:11:45.320 --> 00:11:49.000]   From masking and pretending you're okay
[00:11:49.000 --> 00:11:58.360]   It's hard to fight the inside battle when you're trying to present
[00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:04.660]   To the world a person that has little to no problems
[00:12:04.660 --> 00:12:10.320]   So you might win the battle on the outside
[00:12:10.320 --> 00:12:13.680]   But you lose the battle on the inside
[00:12:14.600 --> 00:12:20.880]   Because I honestly, I don't know if there's a person on this planet that could pull off both
[00:12:20.880 --> 00:12:24.720]   I am very skilled at
[00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:32.840]   masking and people pleasing but there are times the depression will outlast
[00:12:32.840 --> 00:12:36.520]   everyone's wishes and desires and
[00:12:36.520 --> 00:12:43.080]   You'll end up in a space in a place that's not good
[00:12:43.880 --> 00:12:46.120]   For you or everyone around you
[00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:52.760]   And the last question
[00:12:52.760 --> 00:12:55.720]   prompt on this
[00:12:55.720 --> 00:13:01.280]   Episode of holding on anyway, how did you stay alive through that part?
[00:13:01.280 --> 00:13:06.560]   I cried a lot I
[00:13:06.560 --> 00:13:11.760]   Spent the better part
[00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:15.240]   Of a year and a half
[00:13:15.240 --> 00:13:19.200]   Grinding my mind over this
[00:13:19.200 --> 00:13:28.840]   The idea of willing being willing to let go of pleasing others
[00:13:28.840 --> 00:13:34.400]   Letting go of a destination
[00:13:34.400 --> 00:13:42.440]   Which sets up expectation and unmet expectations
[00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:47.080]   Will trigger disappointment, so you don't even go there
[00:13:47.080 --> 00:13:50.240]   and
[00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:58.520]   Like I said before I've learned to go with the flow so by letting these things go it's allowed me to move
[00:13:58.520 --> 00:14:01.800]   through both
[00:14:01.800 --> 00:14:03.880]   my depression and
[00:14:03.880 --> 00:14:09.160]   On a bigger stage it helps me move better throughout the world
[00:14:10.560 --> 00:14:13.160]   Because things that previously would trigger me
[00:14:13.160 --> 00:14:17.080]   actions or deeds of others
[00:14:17.080 --> 00:14:20.760]   No longer have that power over me
[00:14:20.760 --> 00:14:24.320]   so there is a sense of liberation and
[00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:27.400]   I
[00:14:27.400 --> 00:14:29.400]   have to say there were
[00:14:29.400 --> 00:14:32.880]   bits and pieces it's like
[00:14:32.880 --> 00:14:40.240]   leaving crumbs in a trail and I kept finding one crumb after another and
[00:14:41.480 --> 00:14:44.840]   using that metaphor as as the experience of
[00:14:44.840 --> 00:14:53.880]   Basically staying alive to the point where I'm putting these words into a recording and
[00:14:53.880 --> 00:14:57.080]   Hopefully
[00:14:57.080 --> 00:15:00.240]   They'll show up and help somebody
[00:15:00.240 --> 00:15:03.920]   and
[00:15:03.920 --> 00:15:09.680]   So having those breadcrumbs a little bit over time
[00:15:10.840 --> 00:15:16.560]   slowly very slowly gave me these little glimpses of
[00:15:16.560 --> 00:15:19.680]   possibility and
[00:15:19.680 --> 00:15:21.720]   what could happen if
[00:15:21.720 --> 00:15:26.680]   XYZ, you know, whatever I might be doing at the moment
[00:15:26.680 --> 00:15:34.400]   So for example if I would catch myself
[00:15:36.400 --> 00:15:40.200]   I'd catch the the critic the voice beating me up and
[00:15:40.200 --> 00:15:47.240]   I'd suddenly have that snap of clarity and cat and realize I'm doing it again and
[00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:51.600]   Doing it once great, but then
[00:15:51.600 --> 00:15:55.960]   Let's say you do it again. You do it a few times
[00:15:55.960 --> 00:15:59.600]   You know in the same day
[00:15:59.600 --> 00:16:04.520]   You know, that's that becomes a new thing, right? That is
[00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:09.000]   Progress, that's
[00:16:09.000 --> 00:16:12.360]   Seeing yourself
[00:16:12.360 --> 00:16:21.840]   Getting better and understanding your
[00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:25.640]   Disease much much more
[00:16:25.640 --> 00:16:28.840]   and
[00:16:28.840 --> 00:16:31.320]   You're getting far more in tune with yourself
[00:16:36.400 --> 00:16:42.080]   That's the end of the holding on anyway
[00:16:42.080 --> 00:16:45.560]   The next one I have here
[00:16:45.560 --> 00:16:49.560]   Is called the reflections
[00:16:49.560 --> 00:16:54.800]   The grief of becoming someone new
[00:16:54.800 --> 00:16:58.400]   Wow, that is a killer title
[00:16:58.400 --> 00:17:04.000]   That right there. I read that title. I've lived that I
[00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:07.440]   Am living it right this moment
[00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:17.640]   Here are the prompts healing changes us sometimes faster than we can accept thank you
[00:17:17.640 --> 00:17:25.520]   What parts of you got left behind in recovery
[00:17:25.520 --> 00:17:30.640]   Do you ever mourn
[00:17:31.880 --> 00:17:36.000]   Your old self even this they were hurting
[00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:46.120]   And the last bullet is what's something you've learned to love about who you are now
[00:17:46.120 --> 00:17:50.160]   Some heavy shit
[00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:59.720]   Parts of me got left behind I read that question in
[00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:03.280]   the abstract sort of metaphorically because
[00:18:03.280 --> 00:18:06.320]   You know none of this
[00:18:06.320 --> 00:18:09.280]   Gets left behind
[00:18:09.280 --> 00:18:11.920]   It's all part of the bigger experience
[00:18:11.920 --> 00:18:19.440]   What I will say is I will interpret your question as
[00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:22.880]   What parts of you?
[00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:25.440]   Did you gain awareness?
[00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:34.240]   Around and you were able to change course or at least
[00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:37.480]   have the option of
[00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:44.560]   Making a choice rather than being on autopilot, and I think that's a very important distinction
[00:18:44.560 --> 00:18:47.520]   and
[00:18:47.520 --> 00:18:50.040]   Maybe it's just because I've lived this
[00:18:50.040 --> 00:18:52.880]   But that is very real
[00:18:55.280 --> 00:19:03.640]   So I don't think anything gets left behind in recovery because if you did you wouldn't have any lessons or scars
[00:19:03.640 --> 00:19:06.480]   to show for
[00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:08.600]   What you've been through
[00:19:08.600 --> 00:19:15.520]   Right, it's the wounds you have your wounds they're healed, but you still have them you don't get to leave them behind
[00:19:15.520 --> 00:19:20.200]   And you don't leave the stories behind or the experience behind
[00:19:21.600 --> 00:19:24.000]   maybe what you do leave behind is
[00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:28.440]   At least a little bit is your
[00:19:28.440 --> 00:19:34.520]   defenselessness
[00:19:34.520 --> 00:19:37.400]   Against
[00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:40.640]   The depressive tide that can take over your day
[00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:46.320]   And I've lived to this I've been able to turn a day around
[00:19:47.720 --> 00:19:53.160]   one that I knew was going to be dark and I was able to level it off and
[00:19:53.160 --> 00:19:56.440]   Not get so dark
[00:19:56.440 --> 00:19:59.120]   But on the other side
[00:19:59.120 --> 00:20:08.440]   Yesterday was a horrible day. I got to the point where I just could not function. I was not
[00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:14.200]   Worth it worth the time. That's how I'll put it
[00:20:17.040 --> 00:20:19.040]   Back to the prompt
[00:20:19.040 --> 00:20:27.560]   Do you ever mourn your old self even if they were hurting, you know, that's a great prompt I
[00:20:27.560 --> 00:20:30.400]   do mourn
[00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:32.760]   for myself at
[00:20:32.760 --> 00:20:37.160]   that time in my life because I lacked presence I
[00:20:37.160 --> 00:20:40.080]   lacked
[00:20:40.080 --> 00:20:42.080]   experience and awareness of
[00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:46.720]   the entirety of
[00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:50.400]   what was running
[00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:54.120]   My show or as I like to say who's driving the bus
[00:20:54.120 --> 00:20:59.200]   and
[00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:09.760]   Because in mourning my old self I realized if I had awareness at those times in my life
[00:21:09.760 --> 00:21:12.800]   My life would have taken a different course
[00:21:14.320 --> 00:21:17.920]   For sure, I would certainly not be where I am now
[00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:21.600]   And yeah
[00:21:21.600 --> 00:21:25.120]   So
[00:21:25.120 --> 00:21:27.120]   Maybe I mourn that a little
[00:21:27.120 --> 00:21:34.640]   But then again, like I said, then I'm not where I am now which it would in some sense would be a bummer as well
[00:21:41.640 --> 00:21:48.880]   Do I ever mourn my old self? Yeah, so I think that kind of touches on everything about mourning
[00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:53.240]   My old self or let's say mourning my old life
[00:21:53.240 --> 00:21:59.480]   I can share that there was a period of about three months
[00:21:59.480 --> 00:22:03.140]   Where I was on the east coast and every day I
[00:22:03.140 --> 00:22:05.840]   walked
[00:22:06.320 --> 00:22:12.200]   For just over an hour and I walked a little over three point one four miles
[00:22:12.200 --> 00:22:16.620]   Which is pie and I did this walk
[00:22:16.620 --> 00:22:20.040]   every day for
[00:22:20.040 --> 00:22:22.600]   the three months and
[00:22:22.600 --> 00:22:25.520]   on those walks I
[00:22:25.520 --> 00:22:28.400]   cried
[00:22:28.400 --> 00:22:33.040]   Buckets of tears for my old life and
[00:22:35.160 --> 00:22:39.640]   For the old self and all the herding
[00:22:39.640 --> 00:22:52.840]   Let's see last prompt and this is awesome because I got a great reply for it
[00:22:52.840 --> 00:22:56.280]   I'm way for the airplane to pass
[00:22:56.280 --> 00:23:03.860]   Walking around a pond that's not too far from an airfield
[00:23:05.940 --> 00:23:07.940]   Oh
[00:23:07.940 --> 00:23:14.540]   So what's something you've learned to love about who you are now and
[00:23:14.540 --> 00:23:20.340]   I'll share this one experience, and I think this fits the bill
[00:23:20.340 --> 00:23:23.460]   last weekend
[00:23:23.460 --> 00:23:29.200]   so about a week ago I was in deep meditation and I
[00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:31.960]   was
[00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:38.760]   Touching apart and let me repeat that so I was in deep meditation and I
[00:23:38.760 --> 00:23:49.760]   Was able to bring an old part of myself
[00:23:49.760 --> 00:23:53.600]   forward
[00:23:53.600 --> 00:24:00.920]   Someone from very long time ago and that would be
[00:24:03.120 --> 00:24:05.120]   the kinder gardener I was
[00:24:05.120 --> 00:24:11.640]   or first grader at five or six years old and that little guy
[00:24:11.640 --> 00:24:15.680]   Took not only
[00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:18.920]   The psychological and emotional
[00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:22.040]   wrath
[00:24:22.040 --> 00:24:24.040]   but also
[00:24:24.040 --> 00:24:27.400]   some physical stuff and
[00:24:30.320 --> 00:24:34.600]   in bringing that part of myself forward I
[00:24:34.600 --> 00:24:39.800]   Was actually able
[00:24:39.800 --> 00:24:42.920]   to bring that part of me
[00:24:42.920 --> 00:24:51.880]   into my heart as if I were giving that little guy a hug and
[00:24:51.880 --> 00:24:55.800]   thanking him
[00:24:55.800 --> 00:24:58.640]   Making it through
[00:25:00.320 --> 00:25:08.240]   Without him, I'm not here. There's no life
[00:25:08.240 --> 00:25:17.080]   And me that little man was so brave I just I just I'm so
[00:25:17.080 --> 00:25:19.600]   admire
[00:25:19.600 --> 00:25:21.600]   him and
[00:25:21.600 --> 00:25:29.240]   From that admiration comes love so I love that little guy
[00:25:30.320 --> 00:25:31.800]   and
[00:25:31.800 --> 00:25:34.400]   Then you realize the little guy is you
[00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:40.600]   And
[00:25:40.600 --> 00:25:45.960]   That's pretty powerful goddamn evidence that you love yourself
[00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:51.120]   And in that moment last week
[00:25:51.120 --> 00:25:54.240]   It was powerful
[00:25:54.240 --> 00:25:56.960]   It shook me pretty hard
[00:25:56.960 --> 00:26:00.040]   and
[00:26:00.040 --> 00:26:01.640]   I
[00:26:01.640 --> 00:26:03.640]   Think I cried for
[00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:08.880]   Good 10 15 minutes after that
[00:26:08.880 --> 00:26:15.160]   and really just sat still and just let it all sink in
[00:26:15.160 --> 00:26:17.920]   What was pretty heavy-duty?
[00:26:17.920 --> 00:26:25.920]   So
[00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:27.960]   Yeah
[00:26:27.960 --> 00:26:31.400]   Something I've learned to love about myself is the little me
[00:26:31.400 --> 00:26:35.360]   Tough little bastard that made it through
[00:26:35.360 --> 00:26:42.600]   Okay, that's it. I was heavy man. I'm crying
[00:26:42.600 --> 00:26:52.280]   Still hit me all right peace out
[00:26:56.000 --> 00:26:58.000]   You