[00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.880]   (soft music)
[00:00:02.880 --> 00:00:07.000]   This is holding on anyway.
[00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:15.360]   A space for the heavy days, the quiet ones,
[00:00:15.360 --> 00:00:18.980]   and the ones that don't make any sense.
[00:00:18.980 --> 00:00:21.440]   I'm really glad you're here.
[00:00:21.440 --> 00:00:29.600]   This is just my story, not therapy advice.
[00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:33.080]   If you're hurting, please reach out.
[00:00:33.080 --> 00:00:34.200]   The links are below.
[00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:39.960]   This is episode five,
[00:00:39.960 --> 00:00:44.800]   a small things that keep you alive.
[00:00:44.800 --> 00:00:52.600]   Some days, the only thing that kept me going
[00:00:52.600 --> 00:00:57.760]   was something small.
[00:01:00.160 --> 00:01:04.880]   Maybe a song I heard, something I read,
[00:01:04.880 --> 00:01:09.760]   or maybe something I overheard at a coffee shop.
[00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:15.400]   Could be a soft breeze coming through the window,
[00:01:15.400 --> 00:01:18.560]   the waves at sunset,
[00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:23.780]   half a cup of coffee,
[00:01:23.780 --> 00:01:25.380]   well, then cold on the counter.
[00:01:25.380 --> 00:01:28.800]   Nothing heroic.
[00:01:29.960 --> 00:01:34.720]   Not a big breakthrough moment, just ordinary.
[00:01:34.720 --> 00:01:41.520]   But somehow, the small things were enough.
[00:01:41.520 --> 00:01:48.240]   When the depression got really deep,
[00:01:48.240 --> 00:01:53.920]   when everything felt like a dull, gray,
[00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:58.440]   ache for weeks and months,
[00:01:59.800 --> 00:02:06.800]   then the idea of surviving the whole day felt like too much.
[00:02:06.800 --> 00:02:10.800]   I stopped trying to survive the day.
[00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:16.280]   I just focused on the next few minutes.
[00:02:16.280 --> 00:02:27.360]   I'd find myself walking into the kitchen still,
[00:02:27.360 --> 00:02:28.680]   wrapped in a blanket,
[00:02:30.600 --> 00:02:32.200]   turn on the kettle.
[00:02:32.200 --> 00:02:37.920]   Like it was the only thing I knew how to do.
[00:02:37.920 --> 00:02:45.120]   And just to watch the steam rise.
[00:02:45.120 --> 00:02:51.040]   Sometimes that was the whole plan for my day,
[00:02:51.040 --> 00:02:53.600]   moving my body,
[00:02:53.600 --> 00:02:55.840]   watching steam,
[00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:58.080]   drinking tea.
[00:02:59.600 --> 00:03:04.040]   And honestly, sometimes it was enough.
[00:03:04.040 --> 00:03:12.320]   There's this mythology
[00:03:12.320 --> 00:03:20.720]   where told that surviving means fighting hard,
[00:03:20.720 --> 00:03:26.680]   means climbing out, means fixing ourselves.
[00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:29.800]   But the truth,
[00:03:29.800 --> 00:03:37.760]   sometimes surviving means staying exactly where you are.
[00:03:37.760 --> 00:03:41.200]   Not moving,
[00:03:41.200 --> 00:03:43.840]   not speaking,
[00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:47.920]   just not disappearing.
[00:03:47.920 --> 00:03:56.440]   A hot shower.
[00:03:59.200 --> 00:04:00.560]   A soft blanket.
[00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:03.360]   The sound of rain.
[00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:08.400]   A light left on by somebody
[00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:11.920]   who didn't know you needed it.
[00:04:11.920 --> 00:04:17.280]   Tiny things, small mercies,
[00:04:17.280 --> 00:04:20.240]   fleeting comforts.
[00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:26.160]   These aren't solutions.
[00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:29.600]   But they're proof.
[00:04:29.600 --> 00:04:38.000]   Proof that you can still be aware.
[00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:43.840]   And that you can still feel something.
[00:04:43.840 --> 00:04:53.760]   I used to be ashamed that I needed those things.
[00:04:54.720 --> 00:05:00.400]   Who survives on a YouTube video and a piece of chocolate, right?
[00:05:00.400 --> 00:05:09.360]   But now I think those things are resilience.
[00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:17.200]   Not the kind they put on posters or people ever talk about.
[00:05:17.200 --> 00:05:23.120]   It's the kind that looks really quiet, possibly boring.
[00:05:24.400 --> 00:05:25.200]   But real,
[00:05:25.200 --> 00:05:32.880]   especially when everything else feels absolutely impossible.
[00:05:32.880 --> 00:05:38.720]   If you've ever found yourself in that place,
[00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:43.520]   clinging to something small because it's all you had,
[00:05:43.520 --> 00:05:48.400]   I want you to know I see you.
[00:05:50.400 --> 00:05:57.840]   And I know those kind of things and that kind of survival matters.
[00:05:57.840 --> 00:06:00.080]   You matter.
[00:06:00.080 --> 00:06:04.800]   Even if all you did today was keep breathing.
[00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:08.880]   Especially if that's all you did.
[00:06:08.880 --> 00:06:11.120]   Be well.
[00:06:11.120 --> 00:06:14.960]   Stay one more day.
[00:06:19.840 --> 00:06:23.520]   This is holding on anyway.
[00:06:23.520 --> 00:06:29.600]   Thank you for being here, dear listener.
[00:06:29.600 --> 00:06:35.120]   If this episode struck a chord or stayed with you,
[00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:43.840]   helped you feel a little less alone or brought you closer to someone you care about,
[00:06:45.360 --> 00:06:52.960]   please consider liking, subscribing, or sharing it with someone who might benefit.
[00:06:52.960 --> 00:06:58.880]   It really helps more people find these conversations.
[00:06:58.880 --> 00:07:04.320]   And if something in this episode resonated with you,
[00:07:04.320 --> 00:07:07.520]   I'd love to hear from you in the comments.
[00:07:07.520 --> 00:07:14.000]   This episode was created from my own lived experience.
[00:07:14.960 --> 00:07:19.200]   It's not here to diagnose or treat, but to create empathy.
[00:07:19.200 --> 00:07:26.560]   If you're in crisis, please reach out to your local mental health services
[00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:29.120]   or a suicide prevention hotline.
[00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:33.120]   I've called the hotline myself before.
[00:07:33.120 --> 00:07:38.480]   They were kind, they listened, and they helped me through a tough time.
[00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:48.320]   That's the hope behind holding on anyway, to remind those struggling that you were not alone
[00:07:48.320 --> 00:07:50.880]   and to help those who love them.
[00:07:50.880 --> 00:07:58.640]   I'm Burke, creator and producer of this series.
[00:07:58.640 --> 00:08:07.440]   Be well, and until next time, this was holding on anyway.
[00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:15.920]   [Music]