[00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:14.420]   I'm answering a barely but here prompt and the prompt is tell me about a moment when
[00:00:14.420 --> 00:00:22.000]   something unexpected made you realize how deeply disconnected from yourself you'd become
[00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:30.300]   and how that small moment sparked even the slightest sense of reconnecting or coming
[00:00:30.300 --> 00:00:44.420]   back into your own body and I do have more than one moment I have many moments when
[00:00:44.420 --> 00:00:53.100]   I was deeply disconnected from myself and had many moments that sparked me coming back
[00:00:53.100 --> 00:00:56.940]   and being reconnected.
[00:00:56.940 --> 00:01:09.540]   There was a large period of time where I lived completely dissociated from myself and that
[00:01:09.540 --> 00:01:19.340]   was the time I was living in my car in California and Ventura and thankfully I was near the
[00:01:19.340 --> 00:01:33.620]   ocean and I was able to park my car 10 feet from the water in the waves so that was very
[00:01:33.620 --> 00:01:49.020]   much my respite and I would go there a lot to reconnect with myself reconnect with things
[00:01:49.020 --> 00:02:09.580]   going on around me reconnect with the earth my disconnection from society and culture
[00:02:09.580 --> 00:02:19.860]   and people in general was still there that that dissociation and disconnection is still
[00:02:19.860 --> 00:02:33.180]   with me I still feel very outside the snow globe as I like to put it and having a dissociation
[00:02:33.180 --> 00:02:41.460]   from oneself and to be in that space for a very long time is quite interesting because
[00:02:41.460 --> 00:02:54.860]   you lose your sense of self and there becomes an almost uncaring attitude that comes along
[00:02:54.860 --> 00:03:06.740]   with it at some point where there's really no care for yourself or what may befall you
[00:03:06.740 --> 00:03:13.420]   you know consequences aren't a concern I bet that's the best way to put it you really
[00:03:13.420 --> 00:03:23.780]   just don't care about the outcome of things because you're so dissociated that if you
[00:03:23.780 --> 00:03:31.840]   were to care it would bring you back into your body and it would be too painful you're
[00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:49.180]   dissociated to avoid feeling incredible amounts of psychological agony and pain and for someone
[00:03:49.180 --> 00:04:06.680]   who's walked hundreds of miles in that arena the disconnecting from yourself and the moment
[00:04:06.680 --> 00:04:20.720]   is one of the ways you're able to survive I wouldn't be here for four after five decades
[00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:32.640]   if I didn't dissociate on a regular regular basis it happens constantly and it's a survival
[00:04:32.640 --> 00:04:48.880]   mechanism that is in some sense hardwired right into my DNA it feels like yeah so the
[00:04:48.880 --> 00:05:01.740]   dissociation is really strong it is primarily survival mechanism so that you can just get
[00:05:01.740 --> 00:05:11.740]   through the day and survive because if you didn't dissociate you might end up in a mental
[00:05:11.740 --> 00:05:22.140]   home you'll be pretty messed up and I know this because I've done the dance with insanity
[00:05:22.140 --> 00:05:36.440]   and going psychotic I could have stepped to that side of the aisle but I consciously made
[00:05:36.440 --> 00:05:55.400]   a very strong effort to not allow myself to fall there and I see now how I was at this
[00:05:55.400 --> 00:06:05.460]   crossroads where I could have gone that way and I don't know if it was a choice or if
[00:06:05.460 --> 00:06:14.900]   it's a wired genetic thing maybe for me I've just been pushed so far that my brain was
[00:06:14.900 --> 00:06:25.360]   just going to give up anyhow I've recorded six minutes six and a half minutes on this
[00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:31.760]   so I'll call it there I have a lot more to say on dissociation