Sux Coming up on a year of unemployment and homelessness and all the other bullshit. May 15th. I’ll be honest. I’m fucking tired as a mofo being in this space and I don’t know what will happen to me. For example, haven't had a shower since March, but I don't smell at all. The magic of baby wipe showers, and the shame that comes with it when you wonder how the fuck you ended up here? I'm an educated guy with experience and no one wants me anywhere at any level. It’s a weird paradigm to feel rejection for the majority of your daily existence everywhere you go. I feel massively unwanted If by winning the lottery I get out of this it's going to take even more work to process everything I'm going thru now. I'm aware enough to know there are so many current events Im contending with that getting after root cause is wishful thinking until extended therapy. And right now I'm without health insurance despite applying online for Media-Calinsurance for the poors—thats me. This sums up how things feel

And it hurts more when you don't know WHY you're getting fucked over in the first place. Have I been that evil and awful a human? Guess so cuz I know no other reality ¬ Who or what did I fuck over SO BADLY to have a whole year of my life to be here in this eternally liminal space ?????????????????? ????????????????????????????? I feel severely punished just for being alive.

Every day hurts somewhere in someway.
And if by good Fortune, I find that I’m having a good day something will show up to put me back in my place