Jun 21, 2016 11:02:24 AM Me

Hi, Wondering if you’re getting these? Perhaps your just out of range of text messages. Ping when you can.

Jun 21, 2016 5:18:15 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Just back in range. On the road to Idaho- will get online when we get to hotel at 10

Jun 27, 2016 7:53:34 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Sent an email - can you chck and reply quickly

Jun 27, 2016 8:03:43 PM Me

I'm not at home

Jun 27, 2016 8:40:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Ok chrck when you get home - quick opinion

Jun 27, 2016 10:34:18 PM Me

Emails u back . It's good to go

Jun 27, 2016 10:43:04 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 36 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Tk

Jul 01, 2016 10:11:32 AM Me

Hey there, got your slack notes. Have a safe trip and drive. Hope you have a nice weekend away with the family. We’re still trying to get into a rhythm here. Liz has been sick since yesterday morning, the day after she got back. So in essence I’m still solo parenting 😊

Jul 01, 2016 10:11:44 AM Me

Happy 4th of July!!

Jul 01, 2016 10:32:04 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 55 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks - happy Fourth of July

Jul 05, 2016 11:24:41 AM Me

you disappeared on slack. where did you go?

Jul 05, 2016 11:39:31 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Bb there in 10

Jul 05, 2016 11:42:08 AM Me

np. just was surprised

Jul 05, 2016 12:16:43 PM Me

pinged you on slack with a technical question under the IS channel

Jul 06, 2016 4:17:33 PM Me

hey there. pinged on slack. files are on Basecamp for SD’s

Jul 06, 2016 6:09:52 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 23 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - out meeting with a potential client

Jul 06, 2016 8:33:12 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Any luck?

Jul 06, 2016 8:33:39 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Getting the client?

Jul 06, 2016 8:34:24 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 27 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Been working on her for a bit - soon

Jul 06, 2016 8:44:13 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 18 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

SD designs looked good. Sent to Dave

Jul 07, 2016 12:32:47 PM Me

pinged you on slack, but will ask here to expedite

Jul 07, 2016 12:32:48 PM Me

OK, dev replied. Doing 3 miltestones. We ok to put $250 on the card right now? About to click confirm….

Jul 07, 2016 1:00:16 PM Me

Needing to step away and be a taxi for a bit. still have not sent payment. waiting for you to green light

Jul 11, 2016 11:45:19 AM Me

hey there. tried pining you on slack. ready to review.

Jul 12, 2016 10:02:49 AM Me

GM pinged you back on slack with a question about SD’s if you can check it out

Jul 14, 2016 12:03:21 PM Me

These app icons and background for SD.....

Jul 14, 2016 12:03:24 PM Me

what project they a part of?

Jul 14, 2016 12:03:56 PM Me

I think its an old EAT project

Jul 14, 2016 12:18:18 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Mobile app

Jul 14, 2016 1:49:10 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Heads up that all the files are posted to Basecamp.

Jul 17, 2016 9:27:36 AM Me

GM. Dont forget to do a click thru on IS website and not anything off for Naumeer

Jul 17, 2016 9:28:10 AM Me

I hope to have him all setup later today. I have guests coming to the house today so my window is limited

Jul 17, 2016 10:27:35 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 7 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Jul 17, 2016 11:37:02 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 57 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Sent notes on slack

Jul 18, 2016 10:21:48 AM Me

GM, just pinged on slack. See you offline on slack, maybe you’re out somewhere?

Jul 18, 2016 10:21:56 AM Me

whoops, you just replied

Jul 20, 2016 11:03:36 AM (Read by you after 72 days, 3 hours, 48 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Sep 30, 2016 11:27:15 AM Me

Hey there. Happy Friday! Hope the day is going well. Hope you have a good weekend.

Sep 30, 2016 1:33:15 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 19 minutes) +13038752587

Happy Friday - in Lincoln Ne for a wedding

Sep 30, 2016 2:52:39 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Cool. Hope it's fun!

Sep 30, 2016 4:12:18 PM +13038752587

Sarah is in the wedding - mostly baby duty :-)

Sep 30, 2016 4:12:38 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Soccer this weekend for you?

Sep 30, 2016 4:12:57 PM Me

Yes. 2 games this weekend.

Sep 30, 2016 4:13:02 PM Me

One Sat, one Sun

Oct 03, 2016 10:28:46 AM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

Gm - see a charge on our account for Paypal??

Oct 03, 2016 10:28:49 AM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

210

Oct 03, 2016 10:29:32 AM Me

GM

Oct 03, 2016 10:29:52 AM +13038752587

Can you slack

Oct 03, 2016 10:29:59 AM Me

Yes.

Oct 03, 2016 10:30:25 AM Me

Just getting online. Have lots to catch up on.

Oct 06, 2016 11:47:29 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Skack messages waiting for you 😃

Oct 06, 2016 12:49:31 PM Me

Been down sick all day so far

Oct 06, 2016 1:50:52 PM +13038752587

Bummer

Oct 11, 2016 9:52:15 AM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

A bit disappointed - can you jump on slack?

Oct 11, 2016 9:52:49 AM Me

Yes

Oct 12, 2016 9:01:51 AM Me

GM. Hope it's a good day

Oct 12, 2016 9:32:57 AM +13038752587

Gm - it is a great day! A bit overcast and rain. Smells like fall

Oct 13, 2016 9:19:27 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

GM. It's colder here every morning, 50s. It's fall for us too

Oct 13, 2016 11:37:54 AM +13038752587

Gm - summer is back for a few days - high 70s low 80

Oct 14, 2016 9:41:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

GM. Summer still? It's still feels like fall here

Oct 18, 2016 9:08:58 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

GM. Just want to wish you a good Tuesday. Hope all is well.

Oct 18, 2016 3:12:00 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

GM - thanks

Oct 18, 2016 3:13:20 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

A bit stressful today - can't get in touch with Dave to finalize project and invoice.

Oct 18, 2016 3:13:48 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Hope you are having a good day😀

Oct 18, 2016 3:16:07 PM Me

Doing my best. Good luck getting Dave.

Oct 20, 2016 9:05:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

GM. Hope you were able to find Dave. And hope today is good for you.

Oct 20, 2016 9:59:54 AM +13038752587

GM. Yes talked with Dave - sounds like he has some things going on. Said he review this week.

Oct 20, 2016 10:00:49 AM Me

cool

Oct 20, 2016 10:01:51 AM (Read by you after 53 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah grandfather died in Tuesday night so that is throwing a bit if a curve into things. He was 90 and was fading. Still family is understandably upset.

Oct 20, 2016 10:02:21 AM Me

oh man, sorry to hear that. 90 is a good age to reach, a full life.

Oct 20, 2016 10:02:38 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

A bit stressed about $$$ - I was counting on being paid for smokin Dave's by now

Oct 20, 2016 10:04:09 AM Me

money stress is no fun, I know how that feels

Oct 25, 2016 9:27:10 AM Me

Hey GM, just want to say hi, see how you're doing.

Oct 25, 2016 11:07:54 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

GM - a bit stressed - wrapping up Dave's site and need to have him pay in person on Thursday

Oct 25, 2016 11:08:30 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Funzalo

Oct 25, 2016 12:48:55 PM Me

haha, Uncle Nick

Oct 25, 2016 12:49:12 PM Me

suffering from Funzalo

Oct 25, 2016 12:49:15 PM Me

I know that well

Oct 25, 2016 3:28:07 PM +13038752587

Just saw more paypal charges hit Francis Berchman acct - pushed us negative - one for 22.88 and one for 10.49 ???

Oct 25, 2016 3:29:16 PM Me

FUCK. I thought that was not going to happen again.

Oct 25, 2016 3:29:43 PM Me

what email is used on the acct? I can transfer cash right now

Oct 25, 2016 3:30:02 PM Me

wait, do I transfer to paypal, or to WF?

Oct 25, 2016 3:30:20 PM +13038752587

WF

Oct 25, 2016 3:31:03 PM Me

I don’t have access to that account online, can I send money to it?

Oct 25, 2016 3:32:02 PM +13038752587

Can you transfer those 2 plus the original one for 210 too

Oct 25, 2016 3:32:24 PM +13038752587

Should be getting all caught up with Dave this week

Oct 25, 2016 3:33:04 PM +13038752587

210 was the meet panchal

Oct 25, 2016 3:38:09 PM Me

right, but thought that was a disbursement since you never got right back to me. You said to keep it.

Oct 25, 2016 3:39:20 PM +13038752587

Dave went Mia for a while and we didn't get paid - if you can great of not I will pick up a check on Thursday

Oct 25, 2016 3:39:36 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Most of which we need to pay Naumeer

Oct 25, 2016 3:40:01 PM Me

k

Oct 25, 2016 3:40:25 PM Me

I need to get Liz’s computer to do this. I don’t have access from mine.

Oct 25, 2016 3:44:02 PM +13038752587

I thought we would be ok

Oct 25, 2016 3:45:40 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

But guess not - and they are suppose to deny charges if we don't have funds ??

Oct 25, 2016 5:09:10 PM +13038752587

Don't worry about transferring back funds right now - Dave will pay us something on Thursday and I will talk with bank about overdraft charges.

Oct 25, 2016 5:09:49 PM Me

ok, they should refund them. You are right they should not have approved the charges, and then pinged you with the fee.

Oct 25, 2016 5:09:57 PM Me

So they “should” take them off

Oct 25, 2016 5:10:10 PM +13038752587

They will

Oct 25, 2016 5:10:14 PM Me

I know they do it for our personal acct when you ask and its legit

Oct 28, 2016 11:28:36 AM Me

GM. Hope you were able to connect with Smoking Dave

Oct 28, 2016 11:28:54 AM Me

BTW, Willow had her first birthday if I’m not mistaken, yes?

Oct 28, 2016 2:11:45 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Hello. I did. Checks in the mail

Oct 28, 2016 2:12:14 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Yes on 9/27

Oct 28, 2016 2:15:48 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Got the bank to reverse charges. Make sure your Paypal and the biz account are no longer connected please . Probably on Paypals side

Oct 28, 2016 2:16:07 PM Me

ok, will do

Oct 28, 2016 2:16:57 PM Me

got out of one milestone this week, and right into another.

Oct 28, 2016 2:28:22 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet

Oct 28, 2016 3:08:02 PM Me

u there?

Oct 28, 2016 3:08:06 PM Me

quick ?

Oct 28, 2016 3:08:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes

Oct 28, 2016 3:08:38 PM Me

about to use paypal. I see 2 checking acts listed

Oct 28, 2016 3:08:44 PM Me

0723

Oct 28, 2016 3:08:52 PM Me

and 8633

Oct 28, 2016 3:08:58 PM Me

either of those FB

Oct 28, 2016 3:09:14 PM +13038752587

I think they both are

Oct 28, 2016 3:09:38 PM +13038752587

One is the checking and on is your card

Oct 28, 2016 3:10:00 PM +13038752587

Check the last four on your card

Oct 28, 2016 3:10:13 PM Me

different

Oct 28, 2016 3:10:23 PM Me

8954

Oct 28, 2016 3:10:53 PM +13038752587

Can you wait 20 mins ? I be in front of computer

Oct 28, 2016 3:12:45 PM +13038752587

Both the numbers you gave me are associated with our account

Oct 28, 2016 3:12:53 PM Me

ok, cool

Oct 28, 2016 3:12:56 PM Me

good to know

Oct 31, 2016 9:26:27 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

GM

Oct 31, 2016 9:26:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Happy Halloween 🎃

Oct 31, 2016 9:54:34 AM +13038752587

Happy Halloween

Oct 31, 2016 9:57:52 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes) +13038752587

Oct 31, 2016 10:24:28 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Super cute!! Great smile.

Oct 31, 2016 11:02:30 AM +13038752587

My work assistant demanded we have the pinwheel to add to the creatives energy

Oct 31, 2016 11:03:32 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 31, 2016 11:17:01 AM Me

haha, love it.

Oct 31, 2016 11:32:03 AM Me

Man struggling today.

Oct 31, 2016 12:42:27 PM +13038752587

It's on the air 😳

Oct 31, 2016 12:43:08 PM Me

whats on the air?

Oct 31, 2016 12:43:11 PM +13038752587

Take a moment for yourself . Go for a small hike.

Oct 31, 2016 12:43:18 PM +13038752587

In not on

Oct 31, 2016 12:43:25 PM Me

its in?

Oct 31, 2016 12:43:32 PM +13038752587

The sense of struggle

Oct 31, 2016 12:43:44 PM Me

yes!!

Oct 31, 2016 12:43:55 PM Me

Feeling it hard

Oct 31, 2016 12:44:13 PM +13038752587

Worth repeating

Oct 31, 2016 12:44:19 PM +13038752587

Take a moment for yourself . Go for a small hike.

Oct 31, 2016 12:44:39 PM +13038752587

Really! Take 10, 15 mins

Oct 31, 2016 12:45:07 PM Me

That’s the thing. Struggle never goes away. It’s always there, either small or humongous

Oct 31, 2016 12:45:44 PM Me

Feeling very exposed and sensitive to lots of things

Oct 31, 2016 12:46:20 PM +13038752587

Take a bit of time, get out of the house, breathe and appreciate everything

Oct 31, 2016 12:46:27 PM Me

yesterday was terrible. I was crippled by inaction and fear. totally groundless fear.

Oct 31, 2016 12:46:45 PM +13038752587

Go get grounded

Oct 31, 2016 12:46:49 PM Me

yep

Oct 31, 2016 12:47:35 PM +13038752587

Do it now 🚶

Oct 31, 2016 12:48:06 PM Me

on a group call right now. will be off in 10 mins.

Oct 31, 2016 12:48:52 PM +13038752587

Leave anyway. See if they notice 😜😛😊😀😃😉

Oct 31, 2016 12:49:04 PM Me

haha

Oct 31, 2016 12:49:26 PM Me

I did my $.02 update already. We’re almost done. Need to hear it to the end.

Oct 31, 2016 12:50:14 PM +13038752587

Ok, I guess it can wait a few minutes.

Oct 31, 2016 12:50:25 PM Me

a few mins 😊

Oct 31, 2016 12:51:26 PM Me

3 years ago today I started working at AGIA.

Oct 31, 2016 12:51:36 PM Me

doing endless emails

Oct 31, 2016 12:52:40 PM Me

money was good, benefits were excellent, but it was soul sucking to me to be in a windowless cubicle space.

Oct 31, 2016 12:55:11 PM Me

I can remember coming home from my first day and heading out trick or treating with the kids not feeling great about what I was involved with. I knew from day one that it wasn’t a good fit for me and proceeded to stay there for nearly 2 years.

Oct 31, 2016 12:55:54 PM +13038752587

Good thing that is all in the past

Oct 31, 2016 12:56:40 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

No time traveling to spaces and places of negativity allowed

Oct 31, 2016 12:57:10 PM Me

Thanks for the reminder. I was already visiting that space earlier today remembering how that felt.

Oct 31, 2016 12:57:32 PM Me

Need to remind myself about how long I was yearning to be out of there doing something else.

Oct 31, 2016 12:57:53 PM Me

And now I am, and to a large degree MUCH happier.

Oct 31, 2016 12:58:22 PM +13038752587

That's what we want to hear

Oct 31, 2016 12:58:56 PM Me

Yet I find it interesting that I still struggle with unhappiness and melancholy

Oct 31, 2016 12:58:58 PM +13038752587

Life is Great

Oct 31, 2016 12:59:12 PM Me

Makes me want to know why?

Oct 31, 2016 12:59:19 PM +13038752587

The pendulum will always swing

Oct 31, 2016 12:59:19 PM Me

What is at the root of that?

Oct 31, 2016 12:59:31 PM +13038752587

Human nature

Oct 31, 2016 12:59:31 PM Me

On the face of it I should not be unhappy.

Oct 31, 2016 12:59:46 PM Me

I have more than enough conditions to be happy.

Oct 31, 2016 1:00:07 PM +13038752587

Cool - then be happy

Oct 31, 2016 1:00:13 PM +13038752587

Smile

Oct 31, 2016 1:00:14 PM Me

haha

Oct 31, 2016 1:00:18 PM +13038752587

Laugh

Oct 31, 2016 1:00:25 PM +13038752587

Love

Oct 31, 2016 1:00:53 PM Me

It would be glorious if it were all that simple. We humans have an uncanny ability to make ourselves miserable.

Oct 31, 2016 1:01:28 PM +13038752587

It is that simple.

Oct 31, 2016 1:01:41 PM Me

I knew you would say that.

Oct 31, 2016 1:01:43 PM Me

😊

Oct 31, 2016 1:01:58 PM +13038752587

Patience is required when re programming a lifetime of crap

Oct 31, 2016 1:02:04 PM Me

I agree, you are correct.

Oct 31, 2016 1:02:12 PM Me

it is that simple, but we make it overly complex

Oct 31, 2016 1:02:34 PM +13038752587

Moment to moment practice until it is no longer something you do consciously

Oct 31, 2016 1:03:16 PM Me

great point/suggestion

Oct 31, 2016 1:03:48 PM +13038752587

Hey it should be fresh air time

Oct 31, 2016 1:05:26 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I'm going radio silent for a bit. Ttyl🎃👻

Oct 31, 2016 1:05:47 PM Me

ok, thanks for the words of encouragement.

Nov 01, 2016 9:31:48 AM Me

GM. Hope Halloween was good 😊🎃

Nov 03, 2016 10:38:15 AM Me

GM. Hope all is well in the Rocky Mountains. Did you see game 7 last night?

Nov 03, 2016 11:53:58 AM +13038752587

GM. Things are well. Followed it online. Heck of a game

Nov 03, 2016 12:47:48 PM +13038752587

Chrck slack - need latest email from Naumeer he sent today

Nov 04, 2016 11:19:11 AM Me

Hi there, I forwarded 2 emails to you from him. Looks like he may have deleted invoice.

Nov 04, 2016 11:19:17 AM Me

how are you doing today?

Nov 04, 2016 11:19:52 AM +13038752587

He is all set

Nov 04, 2016 11:19:57 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Doing well and you?

Nov 04, 2016 11:20:18 AM Me

do you want the veneered edition, or raw?

Nov 04, 2016 11:20:55 AM +13038752587

Raw - I was worried when you did not respond yesterday

Nov 04, 2016 11:22:05 AM Me

sick of my emotions taking control of me and my life.

Nov 04, 2016 11:22:47 AM Me

sick of being depressed

Nov 04, 2016 11:22:57 AM Me

sick of worry

Nov 04, 2016 11:23:11 AM Me

sick of thinking I’m worthless

Nov 04, 2016 11:23:23 AM Me

granted I’m smart enough to know these are thoughts

Nov 04, 2016 11:23:37 AM Me

but they come on like storms and I have to ride them out

Nov 04, 2016 11:23:58 AM Me

anyhow... I don’t want to mentally shit on your day

Nov 04, 2016 11:24:10 AM +13038752587

Or yours

Nov 04, 2016 11:24:42 AM +13038752587

Recognize these are thoughts and not who you are

Nov 04, 2016 11:25:05 AM +13038752587

Also don't judge them or yourself for having them

Nov 04, 2016 11:25:24 AM Me

big picture I’m headed to Lancaster this afternoon with Darragh and my soccer team manager and his son. We have League Cup tomorrow in Lancaster. We play 2 games against other teams in our level of play. Its win both or go home tomorrow.

Nov 04, 2016 11:25:31 AM Me

keep em coming

Nov 04, 2016 11:25:42 AM Me

I need the reminders

Nov 04, 2016 11:25:55 AM Me

both points are great

Nov 04, 2016 11:26:57 AM Me

Then on Sunday we have a regular league game in Oxnard. So 3 games to coach this weekend. I am going to be wiped out Sunday.

Nov 04, 2016 11:27:04 AM +13038752587

The more you can separate you from your thoughts the easier it will be to co-exist

Nov 04, 2016 11:27:16 AM Me

wow, that’s good

Nov 04, 2016 11:27:27 AM +13038752587

You are going to be energized

Nov 04, 2016 11:28:06 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Although you may be tired

Nov 04, 2016 11:28:20 AM +13038752587

Which is good

Nov 04, 2016 11:28:28 AM Me

if we win all 3 I will be VERY happy

Nov 04, 2016 11:28:55 AM Me

but as long as we play well and to our potential I will be happy

Nov 04, 2016 11:34:29 AM Me

I need a good mantra that helps me get clear when I start to flush my brain down the toilet

Nov 04, 2016 11:40:50 AM +13038752587

Plop plop fizz fizz

Nov 04, 2016 11:41:01 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Oh what a relief it is

Nov 04, 2016 11:41:28 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

The going to the bathroom mantra

Nov 04, 2016 11:41:45 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Except your flushing the thoughts

Nov 04, 2016 11:41:50 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Nov 04, 2016 11:46:08 AM Me

that is really good

Nov 04, 2016 11:46:19 AM Me

I just need to break the cycle

Nov 04, 2016 11:46:50 AM +13038752587

Do you remember the movie a beautiful mind

Nov 04, 2016 2:33:04 PM Me

I do remember it

Nov 04, 2016 2:33:09 PM Me

why do you bring it up

Nov 04, 2016 2:33:27 PM Me

and i’ve said the saying once already. it helps.

Nov 04, 2016 2:33:57 PM +13038752587

Cool

Nov 04, 2016 2:34:53 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

In it, he learns to separate the two realities in order to function in the physical. It popped in to my mind

Nov 04, 2016 2:35:39 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Keep up with the plop plop

Nov 04, 2016 2:35:54 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Makes me giggle every time I think of ot

Nov 04, 2016 2:47:00 PM Me

Have to watch it again

Nov 07, 2016 9:46:34 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

GM. Hope weekend was good! I wanted to let you know I appreciate all the times you field my notes about my being. Really grateful to have you there and to have your help and perspective. 👍😊

Nov 07, 2016 12:52:41 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 5 seconds) Me

I have the files and db's downloaded from SiteGround 😊

Nov 07, 2016 1:20:03 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

You are most welcomed

Nov 07, 2016 1:20:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Nov 14, 2016 9:52:30 AM Me

Hey there, GM. Hope your weekend went well! We had our last soccer games of the fall. We won 2, lost 1.

Nov 14, 2016 9:52:38 AM Me

Checking in with you on Basecamp

Nov 14, 2016 9:53:24 AM Me

Just got a notice today that $50 was charged for the account this month. Card ends in 8954. Is that a Francis Berchman card? It’s not my personal card, and trying to figure out what the deal is with that.

Nov 14, 2016 9:53:57 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

GM

Nov 14, 2016 9:53:59 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Yes they charged FB

Nov 14, 2016 9:54:17 AM +13038752587

We need to pull data and then we can cancel account

Nov 14, 2016 9:54:24 AM Me

OK, cool. Was checking in because I know you were wanting to get a handle on the charges.

Nov 14, 2016 9:54:53 AM Me

Whats the latest with SD?

Nov 14, 2016 9:55:11 AM +13038752587

Did you win part two on soccer tourn

Nov 14, 2016 9:56:00 AM +13038752587

Things are ok with SD - I will reach out on Thursday and checkin

Nov 14, 2016 9:56:05 AM Me

Right now we’re waiting to see if we get a wildcard berth. Losing that one game yesterday should put us out, but holding out hope the team will get invited back in

Nov 14, 2016 9:56:14 AM +13038752587

Sending you 500 today

Nov 14, 2016 9:56:20 AM Me

Any other Francis Berchman stuff percolating?

Nov 14, 2016 9:56:31 AM +13038752587

No

Nov 14, 2016 9:56:32 AM Me

Are you still working on the magazine?

Nov 14, 2016 9:57:00 AM +13038752587

Last issue - then selling out my share to partner

Nov 14, 2016 9:57:11 AM +13038752587

We print next week

Nov 14, 2016 9:57:13 AM Me

How many issues have you done?

Nov 14, 2016 9:57:22 AM +13038752587

3

Nov 14, 2016 9:57:38 AM Me

Wow! I thought you were still working on the first one

Nov 14, 2016 9:57:49 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 56 seconds) +13038752587

It's ok side money - bit ultimately a distraction

Nov 14, 2016 9:59:30 AM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Building a personal dev brand of sorts with Matt - first focus will be on inspiring tshirts - high quality

Nov 14, 2016 10:00:05 AM Me

trying to find balance

Nov 14, 2016 10:04:47 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Somehow I just got on this thread. Not sure why. But good to know Darrel is your buddha!

Nov 15, 2016 9:06:39 AM Me

Who got on this thread?

Nov 15, 2016 9:06:56 AM Me

Who posted?

Nov 15, 2016 10:14:27 AM Me

You there today Darrell?

Nov 15, 2016 11:35:26 AM Me

Found out that it was Liz on the thread

Nov 15, 2016 11:35:35 AM Me

has to do with my iCloud preferences

Nov 15, 2016 11:35:41 AM Me

Going to sort that out later today

Nov 15, 2016 12:26:01 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Nov 16, 2016 3:18:33 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Can you jump on slack?

Nov 16, 2016 3:25:56 PM Me

Can't off to teacher conference

Nov 16, 2016 3:30:25 PM +13038752587

Ok - I will post a question there - answer when you get online later

Nov 16, 2016 3:35:14 PM Me

Ok

Nov 16, 2016 3:45:58 PM +13038752587

Got them - thanks

Nov 16, 2016 3:46:18 PM +13038752587

Last message not for you 😃

Nov 16, 2016 3:46:44 PM Me

Ok

Nov 18, 2016 11:29:04 AM Me

GM

Nov 18, 2016 11:29:29 AM Me

HAPPY Friday!

Nov 19, 2016 9:50:02 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Happy Saturday! Hope you have a great weekend!

Nov 19, 2016 10:34:50 AM +13038752587

You too 😃

Nov 19, 2016 10:35:22 AM Me

Thanks! Trying to put positive energy out into the world so I don’t feel so isolated and depressed 😊

Nov 19, 2016 10:35:33 AM +13038752587

Nov 19, 2016 10:35:45 AM +13038752587

Pictures from Thursday

Nov 19, 2016 10:35:46 AM +13038752587

Should melt off tomorrow

Nov 19, 2016 10:36:11 AM +13038752587

Do you have amazon prime

Nov 19, 2016 10:36:24 AM Me

Wow!

Nov 19, 2016 10:36:36 AM Me

We could use some precipitation

Nov 19, 2016 10:36:40 AM Me

I do have prime

Nov 19, 2016 10:37:19 AM +13038752587

Nov 19, 2016 10:37:22 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Watching the snow fall is always magical

Nov 19, 2016 10:37:41 AM +13038752587

Watch a movie called - the letter writer- it is perfect for what you just said

Nov 19, 2016 10:37:58 AM Me

Cool.

Nov 19, 2016 10:38:13 AM Me

I just started seeing my therapist again after not going for 4 years.

Nov 19, 2016 10:38:26 AM +13038752587

Good

Nov 19, 2016 10:38:29 AM Me

Funny I didn’t go when I was in the darkest period of my life

Nov 19, 2016 10:38:37 AM Me

She found that interesting

Nov 19, 2016 10:40:04 AM +13038752587

Naw - people seldom seek out help when the feel low - it's part of the "I'm alone and no one cares" feelings

Nov 19, 2016 10:40:45 AM Me

True. agree

Nov 19, 2016 10:40:59 AM Me

she has me doing some homework

Nov 19, 2016 10:41:17 AM +13038752587

That's awesome - like what

Nov 19, 2016 10:41:18 AM Me

observing specific thoughts and behaviors and taking note of them

Nov 19, 2016 10:41:45 AM Me

when they happen, what the thought is, how it makes me feel

Nov 19, 2016 10:50:37 AM Me

My Honda Odyssey has blown a valve in the engine after 12-13 years of driving, 225,000 miles on it. Looks like we may be looking at a new car soon.

Nov 19, 2016 10:53:50 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 51 seconds) +13038752587

That is a good life for a car

Nov 19, 2016 10:54:34 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

What does a engine rebuild cost

Nov 19, 2016 10:55:57 AM Me

ballpark 1500-2000

Nov 19, 2016 10:56:07 AM Me

for the valve

Nov 19, 2016 10:56:24 AM Me

right now they’re not sure of the extent of the damage. 1500-2000 is worst case

Nov 19, 2016 10:56:59 AM Me

it would need to be taken to an engine specialist for testing and assessment

Nov 19, 2016 10:57:02 AM +13038752587

Not too bad

Nov 19, 2016 10:57:14 AM Me

yeah, but not sure what to do

Nov 19, 2016 10:57:28 AM Me

I sink that money in, and what’s next?

Nov 19, 2016 10:57:34 AM Me

what will break next?

Nov 19, 2016 10:58:36 AM +13038752587

Will it buy you 6 months to 1 year of use?

Nov 19, 2016 10:59:14 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Or at least can you sell it for 4grand once fixed?

Nov 19, 2016 10:59:25 AM +13038752587

Ok driving - will reply later

Nov 19, 2016 10:59:30 AM Me

ok

Nov 19, 2016 10:59:42 AM Me

prob can’t get 4k for it.

Nov 19, 2016 11:00:19 AM Me

has some body damage (dents), and the transmission rebuilt 3 years ago.

Nov 19, 2016 4:14:23 PM +13038752587

My logic - if you fix it and get 1 year out of it , good deal

Nov 19, 2016 4:14:37 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

If you can fix it and profit, better deal

Nov 19, 2016 4:16:45 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

If you don't want to worry about any of it and can afford a new car, could be best deal as you don't have to worry about the other stuff.

Nov 24, 2016 1:06:56 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Thankgiving!!

Nov 25, 2016 11:17:56 AM Me

Yes Gobble gobble! Hope you didn't eat too much!😊🦃💩

May 11, 2018 11:03:10 AM Me

Happy Friday! Sure. Working remote today. Lots of new financial stress in my lap now. I can give you details but suffice it to say I need to make more per hour, and more projects too. Unsure right now how

May 11, 2018 11:04:02 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Can you call me today

May 11, 2018 11:04:48 AM Me

Sure. I can call on my drive home from Ventura. 2-3pdt, that work?

May 11, 2018 11:10:13 AM +13038752587

Yes

May 11, 2018 11:10:54 AM +13038752587

What did you think ads on email

May 11, 2018 11:13:07 AM Me

looking now

May 11, 2018 11:13:35 AM Me

no brainer. red.

May 11, 2018 11:13:41 AM Me

contrast is best.

May 11, 2018 11:15:22 AM +13038752587

That was my thought when it occurred to change it to that but was not 100% - thanks

May 11, 2018 11:15:46 AM Me

sure, np

May 11, 2018 11:15:51 AM Me

that was EASY 😊

May 11, 2018 11:17:00 AM +13038752587

Btw sending you the link by email - send message "free pizza" to see bot in action

May 11, 2018 11:18:04 AM +13038752587

Actually I FB messaged it to you - best to do it on phone

May 11, 2018 11:18:38 AM Me

ok, in the middle os something at the moment but can check in a few.

May 11, 2018 11:18:57 AM +13038752587

Np -

May 11, 2018 11:19:05 AM Me

nearly hyperventilating here because of feeling overwhelmed 😛

May 11, 2018 11:19:39 AM Me

remind myself that its ok to feel it because the alternative of being dead and not feeling it is less desirable.

May 11, 2018 11:19:53 AM Me

btw, you are NOT contributing

May 11, 2018 11:19:58 AM Me

to that feeling.

May 11, 2018 11:20:03 AM Me

the money stuff

May 11, 2018 11:20:35 AM +13038752587

Understand - just do the next thing in the list - and keep your focus on the task at hand

May 11, 2018 11:22:08 AM Me

had a father of a tryout player drop dead of a heart attack one week ago today. He was on Santa Catalina island on an anniversary weekend hike/getaway. Stunned me and my team manager. Guy was only a few years older than us

May 11, 2018 11:22:29 AM Me

I keep thinking about that whenever I feel frazzled

May 11, 2018 11:22:41 AM Me

and take a deep breath

May 11, 2018 11:24:27 AM +13038752587

Like the Seth's post

May 11, 2018 11:25:01 AM +13038752587

Going silent to get ad on line

May 11, 2018 11:25:09 AM Me

ok

May 11, 2018 1:22:50 PM Me

I'm headed back early. And can call you now if that works

May 11, 2018 1:33:38 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Give me 5

May 21, 2018 11:48:23 AM Me

A very busy weekend for me. How was yours? Wondering about an email I think you sent late last week that I have not seen regarding ??? Liz is away camping this week so my time is pretty compressed. I want to help you out so let me know

May 21, 2018 4:17:48 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Sent to gmail account

May 21, 2018 4:25:58 PM Me

Ok

May 21, 2018 4:33:17 PM Me

This looks to be a print-ready PDF. I can remove the image, but when you say "text added" I didnt see any text.

May 21, 2018 4:39:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Not by computer

May 21, 2018 4:39:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 49 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Will be in 30

May 21, 2018 7:58:00 PM +13038752587

I will look into it tomorrow - either have mild food poisoning or a virus - fever, stomach upset

May 21, 2018 8:01:31 PM Me

Oh man so sorry to hear that. Get well soon!

May 23, 2018 12:19:56 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

May 23, 2018 12:20:42 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 40 seconds) +13038752587

I'm feeling better today - finally - still not 100% - but heading the right direction

May 23, 2018 12:21:57 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

As for the SubWorks menu - final version I am sending now - any critiques?

May 23, 2018 12:22:41 PM Me

good to hear. I’m hanging on by a thread.

May 23, 2018 12:22:56 PM Me

Liz is gone camping this week. Its the all Papa show

May 23, 2018 12:23:28 PM +13038752587

Is school still in session?

May 23, 2018 12:23:30 PM Me

between work, school, sports, meals, laundry and dishes.... oy vey!

May 23, 2018 12:23:30 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

syes

May 23, 2018 12:23:33 PM Me

ye

May 23, 2018 12:24:34 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wow - lots to do 😳

May 23, 2018 12:24:51 PM +13038752587

Good thing it's not your first time

May 23, 2018 12:24:54 PM Me

dude, you have no idea. Take Willow and 3X

May 23, 2018 12:25:14 PM Me

exactly. that’s why they grow up slowly

May 23, 2018 12:25:17 PM Me

so you can adjust

May 23, 2018 12:25:33 PM +13038752587

I can imagine

May 23, 2018 12:25:35 PM Me

still very challenging even though this isn’t my first goat rodeo

May 23, 2018 12:25:54 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Indeed

May 23, 2018 12:26:15 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

That is what keeps it fun and rewarding

May 23, 2018 12:27:00 PM Me

yep. big win for Darragh’s baseball team last night. 18-15 semifinal win to go to the championship game next weekend.

May 23, 2018 12:27:21 PM Me

was an epic battle. didn’t get home until 9:30 last night

May 23, 2018 12:31:57 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - lits of runs

May 23, 2018 12:32:20 PM +13038752587

Awesome - now to win the championship game

May 23, 2018 12:32:24 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

lots of runs, lots of fielding errors. More than normal for us. Kids were playing VERY nervous.

May 23, 2018 12:32:41 PM Me

I’ve coached enough that I can tell.

May 23, 2018 12:33:44 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Heard to mentally prepare for the big game

May 23, 2018 12:33:48 PM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

Hard

May 23, 2018 12:34:25 PM +13038752587

Now the have some experience - should help in the champ game

May 23, 2018 12:35:09 PM Me

Yep, it should help. One of the players on his team who has gone through this before was saying that these early games are more nerve-racking than the final game.

May 23, 2018 12:35:26 PM Me

Once you’re in the final, thats it.

May 29, 2018 9:27:15 AM Me

Hi, how was your holiday weekend? How are you doing?

May 29, 2018 9:45:03 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Good - how was yours?

May 29, 2018 9:45:59 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

I am well - feeling better - lasted 5 solid days

May 29, 2018 9:46:20 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

How was soccer training last weekend

May 29, 2018 9:46:29 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Bb in 30

May 29, 2018 9:54:31 AM Me

Glad to hear you are feeling better!! Very busy weekend. Liz got back from camping. Soccer tournament Saturday and Sunday. 4 games in 2 days. Won 2, lost 2.

May 29, 2018 9:54:59 AM Me

Even with nothing to do yesterday feeling really tired today

Jun 05, 2018 10:05:38 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Heard your parents are visiting 😃

Jun 05, 2018 10:05:58 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you a link yesterday and today- worth chrcking both out

Jun 05, 2018 11:26:55 AM Me

Yes, parentals descended last Friday. Been a whirlwind since their arrival as we're in the last weeks of school right now.

Jun 05, 2018 11:27:31 AM Me

Saw your email from DD. Thank You for that!!! Looking forward to checking it out.

Jun 05, 2018 11:27:53 AM Me

How are you doing? How is job/project hunt going?

Jun 05, 2018 11:35:10 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

I am well - Job hunt slow - sold a bot so that helps - plan to get a few more this week

Jun 05, 2018 11:35:49 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

We find out sex of baby tomorrow, excited and apprehensive

Jun 05, 2018 11:36:35 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

How long are your parents there?

Jun 05, 2018 11:39:36 AM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

Cool on the bots

Jun 05, 2018 11:39:56 AM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

and WOW very exciting about the baby! why apprehensive? do you want a boy?

Jun 05, 2018 11:40:11 AM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

I can send you one half grown up if you want 😊

Jun 05, 2018 11:40:45 AM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 10 seconds) Me

Parents are here until the 15th. Declan and Darragh have school promotions on the 14th so they are going to be here for that. Then they head back to NY.

Jun 05, 2018 11:41:40 AM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 10 seconds) Me

They don’t know about the anniversary party in august that russ and I are setting up right now. So Darragh and I will be flying back for that and surprise them.

Jun 05, 2018 12:39:34 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Healthy baby is important and this ultrasound helps confirm that.

Jun 05, 2018 12:40:18 PM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks for the offer :-)

Jun 05, 2018 12:40:50 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Wow / good long visit / that's nice

Jun 07, 2018 7:01:40 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 20 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Boy or girl?

Jun 08, 2018 11:22:23 AM Me

Girl

Jun 08, 2018 11:47:05 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

You are ...,

Jun 08, 2018 12:42:17 PM Me

Right?

Jun 08, 2018 12:48:38 PM +13038752587

Right :-)

Jun 08, 2018 12:48:59 PM Me

Congratulations!!!

Jun 08, 2018 12:49:16 PM Me

Very exciting news for you all

Jun 11, 2018 11:14:29 AM Me

Hey good morning, hope you are doing well and the family as well. Watched Darren Daily this morning about the seven whack signs. Wonder if you saw it? I think I had four or five out of seven active in my life right now. Wow! What the hell is that telling me? My life is really out of whack?

Jun 11, 2018 11:22:41 AM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

I did not - I will watch it later

Jun 11, 2018 11:23:01 AM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning -

Jun 11, 2018 11:23:26 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

You life is only out of whack if you believe it is

Jun 11, 2018 11:23:49 AM +13038752587

And if so , the good news is you can change it

Jun 11, 2018 11:25:33 AM Me

I feel mine is. Liz was very frank with me this morning. In terms of my energy and how I show up for her. I come across as constantly anxious 😩.

Jun 11, 2018 11:25:59 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Frankness is good

Jun 11, 2018 11:26:21 AM +13038752587

Do you feel constantly anxious?

Jun 11, 2018 11:26:41 AM Me

Primary root cause for most of my misery, and the Missouri I extend outward, has to do with my lack of sleep, or very poor sleep

Jun 11, 2018 11:27:02 AM Me

When I examine myself, yes.

Jun 11, 2018 11:27:23 AM Me

What I would consider calm would likely be anxiety for someone else

Jun 11, 2018 11:27:43 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

More curios how you feel

Jun 11, 2018 11:28:03 AM +13038752587

Not what it mst seem like to others - that us a big range

Jun 11, 2018 11:28:21 AM +13038752587

Two things you feel it and Liz feels it

Jun 11, 2018 11:28:33 AM +13038752587

That's is what matters

Jun 11, 2018 11:28:59 AM +13038752587

Ok - you say sleep will help and I agree

Jun 11, 2018 11:29:14 AM +13038752587

What are you doing to make that a priority

Jun 11, 2018 11:31:04 AM Me

Getting into bed before 10pm each night. Perhaps I don’t go to sleep right away, but my intention is to be IN bed. 99%+ of the time I’m going to bed after 12:30am

Jun 11, 2018 11:31:20 AM Me

and then getting up at 7-7:15

Jun 11, 2018 11:32:14 AM Me

k, going to get in the shower. Just done with my walk workout. I’ll be online pretty much all day. I have a meeting in 30mins.

Jun 11, 2018 11:32:30 AM +13038752587

Ok

Jun 11, 2018 11:32:57 AM +13038752587

- I will be offline from -12 - 2:30

Jun 11, 2018 11:33:30 AM Me

side note. with my parents here it definitely highlights my personal idiosyncrasies

Jun 11, 2018 11:33:42 AM Me

some what fascinating.

Jun 19, 2018 10:43:42 AM Me

Hey there! Hope all is well. Just pinging to check in and see how you’re doing.

Jun 19, 2018 11:01:38 AM +13038752587

Good - heading to Marble for family camping / anniversary trip. Pre trip stress mode 😃

Jun 19, 2018 11:01:52 AM Me

Haha, I know that.

Jun 19, 2018 11:02:31 AM Me

Today is our anniversary. 19 years ago today. Keeping it simple here, just a nice dinner for the two of us.

Jun 19, 2018 11:02:45 AM Me

Next year for 20th we’ll do a getaway

Jun 19, 2018 11:05:03 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Anniversary!

Jun 19, 2018 11:05:22 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Wow 19 years

Jun 19, 2018 11:12:44 AM Me

Thanks! Yes 19 years I can't believe it myself it's just a reminder to me that time waits for no one, and life is passing me by every day

Jun 19, 2018 12:53:37 PM +13038752587

It only can pass you by if you are standing still. You have not been standing still but have been in full movement with it. Raising three boys is a full contact effort 😃

Jun 19, 2018 12:54:07 PM Me

Haha yes

Jun 19, 2018 12:54:14 PM +13038752587

On the road for next few hours

Jun 19, 2018 12:55:07 PM Me

Cool. Travel safe up there. Don't know if I'd ever return driving along that Cliffside it's just too scary 😱

Jun 19, 2018 1:04:58 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 19, 2018 1:05:17 PM Me

Snow?

Jun 19, 2018 1:12:16 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 37 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Hail - 4-5 inches

Jun 19, 2018 1:14:24 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 35 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

In about 20 mins

Jun 21, 2018 11:04:07 AM Me

Hope your trip is going well

Jul 02, 2018 1:47:04 PM Me

Hey there! Haven't heard from you in a bit. Everything ok in the Rocky Mountains?

Jul 02, 2018 1:47:26 PM Me

Happy Summer!! ☀️

Jul 02, 2018 8:47:12 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 14 hours, 12 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

All good - will touch base with you tomorrow

Jul 04, 2018 9:13:50 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Happy 4th of July 🇺🇸

Jul 04, 2018 11:00:10 AM Me

Yes! Happy 4th of July 🇺🇸 to you too

Jul 04, 2018 12:19:29 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

When you can, let me know how you’re doing.

Jul 09, 2018 11:00:48 AM Me

Happy Monday! Hope you're doing well. Haven't heard from you in a while and wanted to make sure you're doing OK over there

Jul 09, 2018 4:46:00 PM +13038752587

Ondrei was in town for a couple of weeks. Hiked a 14er and a 13er. Fourth if a July festivities. Last week was busy. Feeling tired today.

Jul 09, 2018 4:46:25 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

How goes things in the heat?

Jul 09, 2018 4:48:16 PM +13038752587

Started an intern position through Colorado workforce with a job seeker/recruiter/hr/management training company. Helping them with digital marketing.

Jul 09, 2018 4:49:03 PM +13038752587

Building out some cool bots that allow sales with direct download to digital wallet

Jul 09, 2018 4:49:50 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Helped Lisa - Sarah's mom move out of Paul's into her house too

Jul 10, 2018 10:32:50 AM Me

Good to hear from you! Cool that Ondrei visited. Heat is tapering off here and getting more manageable.

Jul 10, 2018 10:33:33 AM Me

Are you interning with the company?

Jul 10, 2018 10:33:33 AM Me

Is this to get full time gig with them?

Jul 10, 2018 10:33:48 AM Me

Or are you helping them get their interns? Not sure I understand what you posted.

Jul 10, 2018 10:43:55 AM Me

As for me I’m struggling BIG with self-confidence. I’ve been able to identify that as my largest challenge, cultivating self-confidence. I have my first training session of the fall season today and I feel inadequate to coach the boys.

Jul 10, 2018 10:48:10 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - turning the corner llc

Jul 10, 2018 10:48:27 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Not necessarily - but is a possibility

Jul 10, 2018 10:49:47 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Dude - you know soccer and coaching plus you did the national training

Jul 10, 2018 10:50:17 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Trust in your knowledge and experience

Jul 10, 2018 10:52:57 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 39 seconds) Me

Yeah, but still feeling unsure of myself. And its not just coaching. Parenting, work, marriage. I feel very insecure and fragile.

Jul 10, 2018 10:53:04 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 39 seconds) Me

Only thing I can peg it to is sleep

Jul 10, 2018 11:48:25 AM +13038752587

How are you doing with sleep ? - are you going to bed at same time nightly

Jul 10, 2018 11:50:53 AM Me

you caught me 😛 nope.

Jul 10, 2018 11:51:12 AM Me

well, actually yes I am going to be at the same time every night except its 1:30am

Jul 10, 2018 12:27:49 PM +13038752587

My sleep schedule has been off and I can tell it

Jul 10, 2018 12:28:35 PM +13038752587

Make sleep a priority - set a schedule that allows 7-8 hours of rest

Jul 10, 2018 12:29:18 PM +13038752587

I was up to 1:30 last night and I can feel it's affect

Jul 10, 2018 12:29:47 PM Me

Yep. That’s how I feel pretty much every day.

Jul 10, 2018 12:31:46 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Make the change - commit to it - track it daily

Jul 10, 2018 7:50:22 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

At Rat Lamontagne at red rocks

Jul 10, 2018 7:58:47 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 16, 2018 11:35:37 AM Me

Hey there, happy Monday! Hope you are doing well. Let me know how you and the family are doing. We leave for Canada a week from this Thursday for Liz's Iron Man race

Jul 16, 2018 11:38:31 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Monday

Jul 16, 2018 11:39:09 AM +13038752587

Debugging why my camera is no longer recognized on my Mac

Jul 16, 2018 11:39:27 AM Me

Oh, that could be a lot of fun :-)

Jul 16, 2018 12:20:15 PM Me

Any luck with camera?

Jul 16, 2018 12:47:27 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Not yet

Jul 16, 2018 12:47:36 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Need to pull battery

Jul 16, 2018 12:47:58 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

If that doesn't work Mac offsite repair

Jul 16, 2018 12:53:12 PM Me

wow, hard resetting it

Jul 16, 2018 12:53:15 PM Me

good luck

Jul 16, 2018 12:53:33 PM Me

other than tech issues, how are you doing? You keeping busy?

Jul 16, 2018 12:54:25 PM +13038752587

Good - feeling the pressure to get lots done before second baby

Jul 16, 2018 12:56:11 PM Me

completely get that

Jul 16, 2018 12:56:35 PM Me

I have 2 teens and a tweener. Life gets more busy 😊

Jul 16, 2018 12:57:44 PM Me

I’m facing a challenging time right now mentally. Trying to make some changes to my life and habits and know it has potential to be uncomfortable for me. Have started working to get more sleep as I’ve had consistent headaches (but not today).

Jul 16, 2018 1:40:27 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

No headaches 😃

Jul 16, 2018 1:40:50 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Keep getting sleep - it is one of the main foundations

Jul 17, 2018 1:59:18 PM Me

Hey there, wondering how you deal/process when you're having a crisis of confidence?

Jul 17, 2018 1:59:35 PM Me

Feeling like I don't know shit. Imposter syndrome

Jul 17, 2018 2:12:00 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

I will reach out at 3

Jul 17, 2018 2:17:19 PM Me

Cool, thanks! Hope your day is going well!

Jul 17, 2018 8:33:47 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 52 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Phone died - then night took over - I can reach out tomorrow - hope they day got better 😃

Jul 18, 2018 10:04:09 AM Me

Can I call you later?

Jul 18, 2018 10:11:19 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 15 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to VM let me know whichb time

Jul 18, 2018 12:26:46 PM Me

2;30

Jul 19, 2018 10:54:35 AM Me

Sorry to miss your call yesterday. Been under lots of stress with Deadlines. One down, and one more to go at 11am meeting today. Probably busy until 12:30 with that. Then coach soccer @4pm. Let me know if you have any pockets of time today and perhaps we can connect

Jul 19, 2018 11:17:06 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 2 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

After 2:30 your time

Jul 21, 2018 12:50:02 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Can't talk right now...I'll call you later.

Jul 21, 2018 12:50:22 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

In 5mins

Jul 21, 2018 12:52:36 PM Me

No worries

Jul 23, 2018 11:48:12 AM Me

Happy Monday. Hope you’re doing well.

Jul 23, 2018 11:48:56 AM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Monday

Jul 23, 2018 11:49:13 AM +13038752587

Putting the kitchen back together after a week long exile

Jul 23, 2018 11:49:27 AM Me

yikes. that sounds ominous.

Jul 23, 2018 11:49:36 AM (Read by you after 41 seconds) +13038752587

The some work

Jul 23, 2018 11:49:44 AM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

Then more house stuff

Jul 23, 2018 11:49:47 AM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

Prepping for new baby

Jul 23, 2018 11:49:53 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

It was

Jul 23, 2018 11:50:28 AM (Read by them after 14 seconds) Me

whats your ETA on the baby?

Jul 23, 2018 11:50:50 AM Me

forgot the due date

Jul 23, 2018 11:50:51 AM +13038752587

Jul 23, 2018 11:50:53 AM +13038752587

How goes the prep for Canada?

Jul 23, 2018 11:50:59 AM +13038752587

Oct 23

Jul 23, 2018 11:51:53 AM Me

We have a house sitter to stay with Weston so we’re good there. This week its laundry and packing bags for Thursday take off. Liz’s bike is already on its way.

Jul 23, 2018 11:52:38 AM +13038752587

Cool - is this a qualifier for kona?

Jul 23, 2018 11:52:44 AM Me

yes

Jul 23, 2018 11:52:58 AM +13038752587

Awesome

Jul 23, 2018 11:53:24 AM +13038752587

Battery fading plugging in - out if reach -ttyl

Jul 23, 2018 11:53:30 AM Me

ok

Jul 24, 2018 10:18:46 AM Me

Good morning Colorado. Yesterday's high temp on my porch was 115° today it's supposed to be hotter, and tomorrow hotter still. It's pretty brutal.

Jul 24, 2018 10:19:03 AM Me

I am out for a morning walk right now and it's already on the way to mid 90s

Jul 24, 2018 12:30:38 PM +13038752587

Wow

Jul 25, 2018 12:38:43 AM Me

High temp today on the porch - in the shade - 117° Ties my record high temp here from a few years ago. Tomorrow said to be hotter. #cooking

Jul 25, 2018 11:52:21 AM +13038752587

We went from a consistent mid to high 90s to this... Strange weather

Jul 25, 2018 12:01:15 PM +13038752587

Feels like fall

Jul 25, 2018 12:01:21 PM Me

mmm... that is weird.

Jul 25, 2018 12:01:39 PM +13038752587

Can't believe you are so hot

Jul 25, 2018 12:01:41 PM Me

its low 90’s and climbing here. Expecting 100+ today

Jul 25, 2018 12:01:56 PM Me

cooling trend starts tomorrow

Jul 25, 2018 12:02:03 PM Me

so the heat is going to move your way

Jul 25, 2018 12:02:11 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

I get

Jul 25, 2018 12:02:14 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Bet

Jul 25, 2018 3:07:50 PM Me

man, I just beat myself up on another level. Made myself cry. I can be a real SOB to myself.

Jul 25, 2018 3:08:24 PM +13038752587

STOP IT!

Jul 25, 2018 3:08:35 PM +13038752587

With love

Jul 25, 2018 3:08:35 PM Me

Thanks Newhart

Jul 25, 2018 3:08:49 PM Me

only takes 5 minutes

Jul 25, 2018 3:08:51 PM +13038752587

😀👍

Jul 25, 2018 3:08:52 PM Me

haha

Jul 25, 2018 3:09:05 PM +13038752587

Just watch that again recently

Jul 25, 2018 3:09:07 PM Me

I had to share with someone

Jul 25, 2018 3:09:29 PM +13038752587

Can you talk?

Jul 25, 2018 3:10:31 PM Me

Not right now. Have to get crap done before 4:30, then the guy house sitting for us arrives so we can go over things with him. I could talk after that perhaps. Still need to pack, etc. Leave on our flight around 3pm Pacific tomorrow. 8pm flight to Vancouver.

Jul 25, 2018 3:10:57 PM +13038752587

Sweet

Jul 25, 2018 3:11:14 PM +13038752587

Canada and cooler weather here we come

Jul 25, 2018 3:11:59 PM +13038752587

What were you beating yourself up over?

Jul 25, 2018 3:13:23 PM Me

Being less than I can be. Making poor decisions and letting others down. All based on my own self assessment and self judgement. Others have no idea these things are going on. I have a monster headache right now I did such a number on myself, Oy!

Jul 25, 2018 3:15:09 PM +13038752587

1. Deep breathe

Jul 25, 2018 3:15:33 PM +13038752587

2. Take 5 and get up and move and get fresh air

Jul 25, 2018 3:16:29 PM +13038752587

3. Write down a quick list of these feelings and believes and burn the mother fucker

Jul 25, 2018 3:16:44 PM Me

oh I like that last part

Jul 25, 2018 3:17:14 PM +13038752587

Cool - take 10 mins and do the above list

Jul 25, 2018 3:18:31 PM +13038752587

Kitchen sink is best for burning or bathroom

Jul 25, 2018 3:18:45 PM +13038752587

Send me a picture if ashes

Jul 25, 2018 3:19:19 PM Me

k. Finishing current task at hand, then doing this before moving to next task

Jul 25, 2018 3:19:40 PM +13038752587

K - can't wait for pic

Jul 25, 2018 4:51:09 PM Me

Jul 25, 2018 4:53:02 PM Me

Jul 25, 2018 4:53:39 PM +13038752587

Right on

Jul 25, 2018 4:53:41 PM +13038752587

Now that shit has been destroyed

Jul 26, 2018 1:40:51 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

How goes the day

Jul 26, 2018 1:43:28 PM Me

It's crazy pack up your shit time. We are about to leave the house around 230 to head to the airport

Jul 26, 2018 2:06:04 PM +13038752587

Exciting

Jul 26, 2018 2:06:06 PM +13038752587

How long are you in Canada

Jul 26, 2018 2:06:21 PM Me

8 days

Jul 26, 2018 2:07:17 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Awesome - where exactly

Jul 26, 2018 2:14:38 PM Me

Whistler

Jul 26, 2018 2:15:06 PM +13038752587

Cool post some pictures on FB

Jul 26, 2018 2:15:15 PM +13038752587

When is race day?

Jul 26, 2018 2:30:16 PM Me

Sunday

Jul 26, 2018 2:31:04 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Safe & enjoyable travels

Jul 26, 2018 2:31:47 PM Me

Thanks 🙏🏽

Aug 06, 2018 9:52:21 AM Me

Hey there, happy Monday! I am back home and in the office working again. Really hard to get back into it. Plus take off on Thursday for New York visit. How are things there?

Aug 06, 2018 9:53:09 AM Me

Also last night Liz and I travel to Los Angeles and met up with Jen Kniffin i'm sure you remember her from Skidmore.

Aug 06, 2018 11:14:38 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - how is Jen?

Aug 06, 2018 11:15:26 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I bet. Getting back to work always a challenge

Aug 06, 2018 11:26:57 AM Me

Jen is great. We met her, husband Ted, and daughter Penelope for dinner in LA. She and her husband are teachers and they're in Pennsylvania

Aug 20, 2018 12:58:52 PM Me

Happy Monday! How goes your day?

Aug 20, 2018 1:00:32 PM +13038752587

😃

Aug 20, 2018 1:00:41 PM +13038752587

👍

Aug 20, 2018 1:00:48 PM +13038752587

And yours?

Aug 20, 2018 1:01:04 PM Me

Cool. Good to catch up albeit briefly on FaceTime last week when I was in NY

Aug 20, 2018 1:01:24 PM Me

I’m ok. First full day back to work after 3 weeks of hit/miss work.

Aug 20, 2018 1:02:27 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Hopefully refreshed and ready to go get it done

Aug 20, 2018 1:09:58 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Good visit home ?

Aug 20, 2018 1:12:27 PM Me

haha, unfortunately no. Don’t feel refreshed. Was busy the whole time.

Aug 20, 2018 1:12:39 PM Me

good visit home. didn’t get to see everyone I wanted to

Aug 20, 2018 1:12:55 PM +13038752587

Next time

Aug 20, 2018 1:13:15 PM Me

I was reflecting on the idea of vacation and why they are filled with activities that don’t allow you to rest/relax.

Aug 20, 2018 1:13:29 PM Me

and you end up coming back not feeling recharged

Aug 20, 2018 1:15:02 PM +13038752587

Different types of vaca - most folks try to cram all the fun into their week or two

Aug 20, 2018 1:15:22 PM +13038752587

Some go camping to simplify options

Aug 20, 2018 1:15:36 PM Me

yeah

Aug 20, 2018 1:16:09 PM Me

I’m thinking that a few days of rest would be good to do. Perhaps a 3 day weekend of rest.

Aug 20, 2018 1:16:55 PM +13038752587

I bet if people gave themselves 48 hours off the grid and did only relaxing things / meditation - yoga / hot tub - walks on Nature - read a book - this would be a great benefit

Aug 20, 2018 1:17:48 PM Me

I agree.

Aug 20, 2018 1:20:22 PM +13038752587

Away from phone for 45

Aug 20, 2018 1:20:27 PM Me

k

Aug 21, 2018 10:33:29 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 24 seconds) Me

Happy Tuesday, how goes it?

Aug 21, 2018 3:52:30 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Good - Willôws first day of pre-school

Aug 21, 2018 3:52:37 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

How's yours?

Aug 21, 2018 4:23:46 PM Me

wow, big day for your family! day has been so-so. school is ramping up for everyone. Feeling dragged in different directions. Have to leave for soccer practice in 20 mins and feeling like I have too much work to walk away from.

Aug 21, 2018 4:24:44 PM Me

realizing that my lack of sleep affects my ability to handle everything coming at me, and in particular the attitude that shows up with other people who have to deal with me (Liz & my kids)

Aug 21, 2018 4:25:42 PM +13038752587

Are you ready for some hard truth!

Aug 21, 2018 4:26:06 PM Me

when you say it like that I am unsure

Aug 21, 2018 4:26:09 PM Me

😊

Aug 21, 2018 4:26:12 PM Me

go for it

Aug 21, 2018 4:27:54 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

You MUST make getting sleep a PRIORITY, PERIOD

Aug 21, 2018 4:29:06 PM +13038752587

You also MUST create a daily schedule!

Aug 21, 2018 4:29:47 PM +13038752587

Don't over complicate it.

Aug 21, 2018 4:30:17 PM +13038752587

Give me your general day right now

Aug 21, 2018 4:30:33 PM Me

I hear you.

Aug 23, 2018 12:05:05 PM +13038752587

Good morning 😀

Aug 23, 2018 12:05:21 PM +13038752587

Question for the expert

Aug 23, 2018 12:06:07 PM Me

hey there

Aug 23, 2018 12:06:44 PM Me

good afternoon. was going to ping you... serendipitous that you’re pinging me.

Aug 23, 2018 12:06:55 PM +13038752587

The company I'm working with is going to do build a new site but does not want to lose Google ranking

Aug 23, 2018 12:07:06 PM Me

k

Aug 23, 2018 12:07:17 PM +13038752587

first q

Aug 23, 2018 12:07:33 PM +13038752587

Divi, thesis or genesis

Aug 23, 2018 12:09:00 PM +13038752587

Second q - how do we build out new site (dev area) and then when keep ranking when we go live?

Aug 23, 2018 12:09:10 PM Me

mmm... most of my recent experience is with Divi. I do like it.

Aug 23, 2018 12:09:28 PM +13038752587

You are also a thesis pro

Aug 23, 2018 12:09:30 PM Me

I would build the new site in full.

Aug 23, 2018 12:09:56 PM +13038752587

Wp is pushing out object oriented platform soon too

Aug 23, 2018 12:10:09 PM +13038752587

Gutenberg

Aug 23, 2018 12:10:34 PM Me

then you will need to map old URL’s to the new URL’s. This creates a map to follow for forwarding with 301’s (permanent redirects)

Aug 23, 2018 12:11:03 PM Me

You then need to build a series of redirect rules that point people (and more importantly bots) to the right place

Aug 23, 2018 12:11:28 PM +13038752587

Is there another way other then 301s

Aug 23, 2018 12:11:30 PM Me

And you should do this BEFORE you publish the new site. The redirects and new site should go online at the same time

Aug 23, 2018 12:12:05 PM Me

There may be, unsure, but I know 301’s are the best way to ensure you don’t lose any SEO juice

Aug 23, 2018 12:12:57 PM +13038752587

But won't the urls be the same on new site as old?

Aug 23, 2018 12:13:10 PM Me

not necessarily.

Aug 23, 2018 12:13:18 PM Me

for posts perhaps, but likely not pages

Aug 23, 2018 12:13:34 PM +13038752587

That makes sense

Aug 23, 2018 12:16:35 PM +13038752587

So to clarify - build out dev.url.com then do 301s then upload new theme/site on current hosting?

Aug 23, 2018 12:17:11 PM Me

don’t think you need to do the upload

Aug 23, 2018 12:17:42 PM Me

you have have the www.url.com domain point to the new dev location if its on the same server (that’s where I would build it so you don’t have to move it)

Aug 23, 2018 12:42:58 PM +13038752587

Any cool divi sites to show off

Aug 23, 2018 12:43:19 PM Me

Art+Logic: Custom Software Development

Aug 23, 2018 12:44:41 PM +13038752587

How much custom js

Aug 23, 2018 12:45:32 PM +13038752587

Is that your design work

Aug 23, 2018 12:46:02 PM Me

not too much custom js, but plugins provide a lot of the extra functionality.

Aug 23, 2018 12:46:21 PM Me

Design work is a collaboration with one of the other A+L designers and me.

Aug 23, 2018 12:47:09 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Like it

Aug 24, 2018 1:22:23 PM Me

Happy Friday! Hope you're having a good day

Aug 24, 2018 1:28:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

You too 😃👍🍸

Aug 24, 2018 3:04:20 PM Me

ooo, martini friday for you?

Aug 24, 2018 3:04:37 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Probably just a beer

Aug 25, 2018 11:18:04 PM Me

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/oprahs-master-class-the-podcast/id1401057414?mt=2

Aug 25, 2018 11:18:05 PM Me

Great podcast

Aug 25, 2018 11:18:58 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I will check it out

Aug 25, 2018 11:19:32 PM Me

Great stories from interviews they've done.

Aug 25, 2018 11:19:43 PM +13038752587

Is it not getting close to your bed time? 😴

Aug 25, 2018 11:19:51 PM Me

Haha

Aug 25, 2018 11:20:02 PM Me

Yeah off soon

Aug 25, 2018 11:20:56 PM Me

Up for soccer early, 6am. 9am kick off in semi finals

Aug 25, 2018 11:21:16 PM +13038752587

Early

Aug 25, 2018 11:21:34 PM Me

We were 1-1 today. W 2-1, L 1-9

Aug 25, 2018 11:21:39 PM Me

1-0

Aug 25, 2018 11:21:46 PM Me

Not 9 haha

Aug 25, 2018 11:22:20 PM Me

We win at 9am we're in 1pm finals game

Aug 25, 2018 11:23:00 PM Me

Ok, walking dog and headed home right now

Aug 25, 2018 11:23:08 PM Me

👍

Aug 25, 2018 11:23:23 PM Me

Send good soccer mojo our way

Aug 25, 2018 11:23:36 PM Me

We have a chance at winning our first tournament

Aug 25, 2018 11:35:15 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 10 hours, 58 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Will do - off to bed soon - mojo on the way

Sep 05, 2018 1:25:52 PM Me

Hey there, happy Wednesday! I'm curious how the last days of being 49 feel? That is partly a serious question, and partly a smart ass question

Sep 05, 2018 1:27:12 PM Me

Life is a little nuts here right now. We are in school schedule transition time where everyone is getting used to their new schedules, and the specially wake up times

Sep 05, 2018 1:48:56 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Good - been reflecting and planning

Sep 05, 2018 1:48:58 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Same here with school work and preparation for new arrival

Sep 05, 2018 1:49:23 PM Me

School work?

Sep 05, 2018 2:19:20 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

School, work

Sep 05, 2018 2:19:39 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I do need to start FB certification too

Sep 05, 2018 2:19:58 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Preschool that is

Sep 12, 2018 9:17:21 AM Me

Happy Birthday! 50 trips around the sun. Congratulations!!

Sep 12, 2018 8:47:04 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 49 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Cheers 😀

Sep 12, 2018 8:50:04 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Cheers 😀

Sep 12, 2018 8:51:07 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 12, 2018 8:59:02 PM Me

Cute picture

Sep 13, 2018 12:48:31 PM Me

So how does it feel to be 50 now?

Sep 15, 2018 11:21:42 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Been offline off phone

Sep 15, 2018 11:21:51 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Catching up

Sep 15, 2018 11:23:41 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Good - feel less tolerant of things not contributing to my life - been feeling that lately - though now it has more weight

Sep 15, 2018 11:40:34 AM Me

Starting to feel that now 😁

Sep 15, 2018 11:40:47 AM Me

You good?

Sep 15, 2018 11:41:25 AM Me

How goes work? Still doing bots? Maybe we can catch-up tomorrow

Sep 15, 2018 11:46:42 AM +13038752587

Yes

Sep 15, 2018 11:47:06 AM +13038752587

Sounds good - what is your schedule?

Sep 15, 2018 11:49:43 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Tell Aidan - happy birthday

Sep 15, 2018 12:50:27 PM Me

Will do. I have a 9am soccer kickoff and Home about 10:30

Sep 26, 2018 9:37:12 AM Me

Hey there, how are things? Just wondering how you're doing out there

Sep 26, 2018 10:57:09 AM Me

Imagine the silence is because you're busy 😜

Sep 26, 2018 12:08:47 PM +13038752587

Busy getting things prepared for baby. Has appt today and she is in position

Sep 26, 2018 12:08:55 PM +13038752587

How are you?

Sep 26, 2018 12:09:03 PM Me

Holy Cow! How soon?

Sep 26, 2018 12:09:07 PM Me

when is due date?

Sep 26, 2018 12:09:19 PM Me

October something

Sep 26, 2018 12:09:26 PM +13038752587

Oct 23

Sep 26, 2018 12:09:47 PM Me

holy crap! you’re in the zone now. Anytime

Sep 26, 2018 12:10:02 PM Me

very exciting

Sep 26, 2018 12:10:11 PM Me

everyone’s good I imagine

Sep 26, 2018 12:10:19 PM +13038752587

Yes

Sep 26, 2018 12:10:23 PM Me

excellent

Sep 26, 2018 12:11:17 PM Me

I’m doing ok. Finally settled into school year schedule for everyone. Aidan is 18 now (Sep.15th) and is very far from being an adult 😊

Sep 26, 2018 12:11:36 PM Me

Declan is a freshman here at Thacher and swimming in school work and taking care of, and riding, his horse

Sep 26, 2018 12:12:09 PM Me

Darragh (12) is now in junior high (7th grade) and still dislikes school 😊

Sep 26, 2018 12:13:42 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 39 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - they are grown up

Sep 26, 2018 12:13:48 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 39 minutes) +13038752587

Growing

Sep 26, 2018 2:53:38 PM Me

Yep. It goes by fast. They seem little for so long and then you turn around and they're looking you in the eye

Oct 05, 2018 1:24:06 PM Me

How are baby preparations going? And happy Friday!

Oct 05, 2018 2:51:22 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Mostly ready - some painting and a laundry room to finish

Oct 05, 2018 3:11:53 PM Me

Cool. How are you doing? Are you ready?

Oct 05, 2018 3:12:11 PM +13038752587

Mentally mostly

Oct 05, 2018 3:12:23 PM +13038752587

Financially not yet

Oct 05, 2018 3:12:26 PM Me

It's a lot to deal with

Oct 05, 2018 3:13:21 PM Me

Yeah the financial thing is a never ending stress. Wish it wasn't. I know part of it is mindset

Oct 05, 2018 3:22:24 PM +13038752587

I am determined to break on through - so many people I know make 6 figures

Oct 05, 2018 3:22:39 PM +13038752587

Of course in my terms

Oct 05, 2018 3:22:42 PM +13038752587

😀

Oct 05, 2018 3:23:41 PM +13038752587

The target is $3k per day to hit first goal - $365k

Oct 05, 2018 5:26:08 PM Me

I know many ppl doing 6, a few 7's, and I know a couple of 10's 😜

Oct 05, 2018 5:32:15 PM Me

For me it's devising a product or scalable service. So many niches out there that defining a "new space "is very difficult. Then it becomes a building a better mouse trap and entering an existing space

Oct 05, 2018 5:33:10 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

New space is chatbots

Oct 05, 2018 5:33:28 PM +13038752587

Going to get crowdedness over next 18 months

Oct 05, 2018 5:34:04 PM Me

In my field charging $500 an hour is impossible. Far too many practitioners that are as talented and cheaper

Oct 05, 2018 5:34:49 PM Me

Yeah you've mentioned on the chat bit thing before. Show me something on Facebook

Oct 05, 2018 5:35:33 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Go to thrive bots on FB and send a message

Oct 05, 2018 5:36:44 PM +13038752587

The other thing is niche down, differentiate yourself from others and charge what you want

Oct 05, 2018 5:51:59 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 16 hours, 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

So in web design - you can do it yourself and spend a lot of time building out a bad site. You can hire freelance site and good luck finding the realty good designers or you can hire an award winning designer who has marketing chops to build you a one of a kind money making website

Oct 05, 2018 5:53:04 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 16 hours, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Less time less money in the long run , less headaches and more free time and make money sooner

Oct 05, 2018 5:58:43 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 15 hours, 55 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

With all that said you are going to see a huge movement into messenger marketing with bots on all messenger platforms

Oct 07, 2018 2:42:19 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 5 seconds) Me

weird, get this

Oct 07, 2018 2:58:03 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Where are you in the process

Oct 07, 2018 2:59:07 PM (Read by you after 58 seconds) +13038752587

You should have first hit the "get started" button - then it should have prompted you through the flow

Oct 07, 2018 2:59:46 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Lots of test flows in there

Oct 07, 2018 3:00:14 PM +13038752587

Type - Loyalty (still working on that one)

Oct 07, 2018 3:00:35 PM +13038752587

Type -Coffee - that's a good one

Oct 07, 2018 3:01:15 PM Me

oh, and happy sunday! hope you’re doing something fun!! I’m not, I’m working

Oct 07, 2018 3:01:23 PM Me

I clicked on “send message” to start

Oct 07, 2018 3:02:01 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Yes then a welcome message appears with get started button

Oct 07, 2018 3:02:14 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Any way check out the other two

Oct 07, 2018 3:05:18 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Pumpkins earlier - fun

Oct 07, 2018 3:05:37 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Mudding sheet rock - bit as much

Oct 09, 2018 10:11:15 AM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

Hi there. Heard through the grapevine that you’re in labor over there. Sending good vibes and energy your way!!

Oct 09, 2018 10:58:36 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks - 6cm - labor under way 😳

Oct 09, 2018 11:02:38 AM Me

Send pictures!

Oct 09, 2018 1:25:53 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 17 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Details to come - Baby Girl Ritchie

Oct 09, 2018 2:44:07 PM Me

Nice!! Congratulations to you all!!!

Oct 09, 2018 4:35:30 PM +13038752587

We welcomed our baby girl into the family at 12:11pm today. She’s 6# 4.5oz and is 18.25” tall 🤗. Momma and baby are sleeping now.￼

Oct 09, 2018 4:36:14 PM Me

👍

Oct 10, 2018 1:20:03 PM Me

Hope all is going well with Sara and the baby 👶

Oct 10, 2018 2:38:38 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - in track to go home tomorrow afternoon

Oct 10, 2018 3:57:11 PM Me

Wow, that's fast

Oct 10, 2018 4:20:02 PM +13038752587

I know - we could of left tonight if we wanted

Oct 10, 2018 4:20:40 PM +13038752587

Moms recovering quickly

Oct 26, 2018 11:06:09 AM Me

Hey Daddy-O! How goes parenting 2 kids? You and Sarah adjusting to life with 2 yet? Been thinking about you guys. Hope all is well there in Colorado. Happy Friday! GO DODGERS!!!!

Oct 26, 2018 11:17:11 AM Me

read this today in an article about Jack Ma, who owns Alibaba. Here are 3 questions he asks himself and have helped keep him focused on his goals. "What do you have?" "What do you want?" "What will you give up?" He says the last question is key

Oct 26, 2018 4:14:42 PM (Read by you after 20 days, 37 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

We are well. Doing better then we thought - adjusting to the slips attention

Oct 26, 2018 4:14:58 PM (Read by you after 20 days, 37 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Like the three qs

Nov 15, 2018 2:51:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 39 seconds) +13038752587

How are you

Nov 15, 2018 2:51:27 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 14 seconds) +13038752587

How's the air quality for you ?

Nov 15, 2018 4:02:58 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

HI Darrell, I’m doing ok. Today is my last day of soccer practice. After four seasons as head coach I’ve decided to step down. Darragh is also going to try out for a new team. It was time to move onward.

Nov 15, 2018 4:03:18 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

Feeling a bit melancholy about it all. I’m sad to let it go, but also grateful.

Nov 15, 2018 4:04:00 PM Me

Air quality here is decent. The smoke has largely gone the other way despite only being 30 miles away.

Nov 15, 2018 4:04:15 PM Me

How are you and the family? How is life with 2 kids?

Nov 15, 2018 4:04:41 PM Me

Find work/life balance yet? 😂

Nov 15, 2018 4:18:20 PM +13038752587

Proud of the coaching you have done 👍. I understand the duality of feelings

Nov 15, 2018 4:18:40 PM Me

Thanks!

Nov 15, 2018 4:19:14 PM Me

we train in about an hour, and I’m going to do my best to keep it together and not get too emotional.

Nov 15, 2018 4:19:31 PM Me

its meant so much to me to be able to do this

Nov 15, 2018 4:19:45 PM +13038752587

Glad you aren't getting smoked out - perhaps after this run of fires, Cali will get a break for a few years

Nov 15, 2018 4:19:52 PM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

Lots of media coverage in state as you can imagine.

Nov 15, 2018 4:19:58 PM Me

I don’t think there will be a break.

Nov 15, 2018 4:20:00 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

Lots of forecasting

Nov 15, 2018 4:20:35 PM Me

there are large swaths of the state that are ripe for fire

Nov 15, 2018 4:21:09 PM Me

the drought has really made it so much worse

Nov 15, 2018 4:21:41 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Don't hold back your emotions - let the kids know how you feel. Good lesson in allowing your emotions to show and not bottle them up as is the unfortunate norm for males

Nov 15, 2018 4:24:44 PM Me

good point

Nov 15, 2018 4:25:30 PM +13038752587

Family is great - a bit stressful at time when Lillian is crying and Willow is in full 3 - year old mode.

Nov 15, 2018 4:25:41 PM Me

haha

Nov 15, 2018 4:25:47 PM Me

been there brother

Nov 15, 2018 4:25:58 PM +13038752587

Meme and Tree have been helping with Willow

Nov 15, 2018 4:26:04 PM Me

nice

Nov 15, 2018 4:26:11 PM Me

that’s HUGE to have that help

Nov 15, 2018 4:26:23 PM Me

sanity saver

Nov 15, 2018 4:33:22 PM +13038752587

Off to the store -

Nov 15, 2018 4:33:32 PM +13038752587

Have an amazing practice

Nov 15, 2018 4:33:45 PM Me

Thanks! Lets try to catch up next week during the holidays

Nov 15, 2018 4:33:56 PM +13038752587

Lots of love to you and the family

Nov 15, 2018 4:33:59 PM Me

maybe FaceTime. we can see the kids

Nov 15, 2018 4:34:09 PM +13038752587

Yes absolutejr

Nov 15, 2018 4:34:15 PM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

be more patient with the kids than you think you need to be.

Nov 15, 2018 4:34:21 PM Me

Likewise. Be well and remember....

Nov 15, 2018 4:34:25 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

I wish someone said that to me when they were little

Nov 15, 2018 4:34:53 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

😊

Nov 15, 2018 4:35:07 PM Me

kids pickup on EVERYTHING

Nov 26, 2018 12:01:01 PM Me

Having a tough time keeping myself hopeful and optimistic. Lots of change happening and it's challenging me mentally.

Nov 26, 2018 12:18:41 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Stop - breathe - tell me what's happening

Nov 26, 2018 12:28:47 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

in a work meeting (google hangout) at the moment. will ping when done.

Nov 26, 2018 12:29:29 PM Me

sorry to just ‘drop in’ to your text with a stressful note. didn’t even say “hi, how are you” etc.

Nov 26, 2018 12:30:05 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

😄

Nov 26, 2018 1:30:25 PM Me

so the things going on right now...

Nov 26, 2018 1:35:12 PM Me

Declan’s grades after first semester here at Thacher are not good. He’s struggling because he lacks some fundamentals that hamper his ability to produce work to the level of expectations at Thacher. It’s clear to teachers, admin and Liz and I that things are only going to get tougher for him as time progresses. So, he’s going to end up transferring from Thacher to the public high school here in Ojai. I’m bummed for him because he works SO HARD yet his efforts aren’t producing A/B range work, rather producing more C, D, F work. We talked with him before he applied and told him this was a distinct possibility, but now that its happening its tough. I talked with him yesterday about the idea of making the transfer after the Christmas break.

Nov 26, 2018 1:35:37 PM Me

second thing is getting a new car, a new lease. Money and finance stress.

Nov 26, 2018 1:38:13 PM Me

third is last night we had an end-of-year team party for the soccer team. It was my last function as head coach. As of today I’m no longer head coach of the team. AND this also officially marks Darragh’s departure from the team as well. It’s bittersweet as this was the team I created out of nothing with Darragh and some soccer friends. I’m going about things like its no big deal, but I feel a sense of loss as I have been working with the team for nearly 5 years in total. Not sure I’ve fully experienced this transition yet. It was all talk less than a month ago, but now its real.

Nov 26, 2018 1:40:14 PM Me

And from that is me trying to help Darragh transition to a new team in Ventura that is his age group. He’s reluctant to do it, and isn’t really loving soccer like he used to because this past season he didn’t score any goals or assists (after being a BOSS for 3 seasons). So I’m trying to make this happen for him and trying to help him process his feelings.

Nov 26, 2018 1:44:25 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

Nov 26, 2018 1:44:29 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 26, 2018 1:44:50 PM +13038752587

1. Does Declan want to stay at Thacher?

Nov 26, 2018 1:44:58 PM Me

Plus dealing with Aidan stuff too

Nov 26, 2018 1:45:18 PM Me

Good question. I don’t think I’ve asked him that, but need to

Nov 26, 2018 1:45:48 PM (Read by you after 29 seconds) +13038752587

Start there- will make everything easier

Nov 26, 2018 1:46:41 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

If he wants to stay, there are steps to improve his deficiencies

Nov 26, 2018 1:47:15 PM +13038752587

For the level Thacher require

Nov 26, 2018 1:48:15 PM +13038752587

2. Tell me more what kind if car? Why lease vs own?

Nov 26, 2018 1:50:09 PM Me

We’ve talked with head of school, and dean of studies about him with the feedback of teachers. They see too many gaps in his fundamental skills that for whatever reason make it extremely difficult for him to “Make up the gap” In other words he would need to do remedial work just to get up to speed and by that time his classmates would already have moved on. This is across all disciplines for him. Essentially Thacher is not equipped to work with these kinds of students, they would not be admitted. But we wanted to give Declan the opportunity to try it and see what happens instead of just steering him away and never trying. It sucks, but its the reality we’re facing.

Nov 26, 2018 1:50:53 PM Me

Because he’s a faculty student he’s given the opportunity that other kids would never even get

Nov 26, 2018 1:51:52 PM Me

Kia Sorento. Finishing up a 2 year lease on one right now, and going into a new one, a 2019 Sorento.

Nov 26, 2018 1:51:53 PM Me

https://www.kia.com/us/en/vehicle/sorento/2019

Nov 26, 2018 1:52:17 PM Me

I’ve leased because payments are less and can get a better vehicle.

Nov 26, 2018 1:52:58 PM Me

I should be turning in current car and getting the new one this week, maybe Wednesday

Nov 26, 2018 1:55:31 PM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Ask Declan if he wants to stay. Not disagreeing with teachers - I know lots of people who have overcome their learning challenges

Nov 26, 2018 1:55:52 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

First things first - does he want it?

Nov 26, 2018 1:56:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k

Nov 26, 2018 1:56:17 PM +13038752587

Car thing makes sense

Nov 26, 2018 1:56:38 PM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

Tell me what's up in the money dept

Nov 26, 2018 1:57:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I need more 😊

Nov 26, 2018 1:57:38 PM Me

now I’m not coaching I can get about 6-10 hours more of work a week

Nov 26, 2018 1:58:06 PM Me

brb

Nov 26, 2018 2:37:50 PM Me

k, back

Nov 26, 2018 2:38:28 PM Me

so, big picture I’m feeling stressed and anxious. And for me that means depression shows its face too.

Nov 26, 2018 3:03:07 PM Me

and forgot to mention the deep feeling of failure that shows its face every day

Nov 26, 2018 3:40:13 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Is there more work avail throug you current position

Nov 26, 2018 3:40:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

a bit, yes. I’m on a big project and there is a good deal of work to do on it. I can get some more hours there.

Nov 26, 2018 3:41:36 PM Me

curious, how are the kiddos?

Nov 26, 2018 3:43:59 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Nov 26, 2018 3:44:06 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Kiddos are good.

Nov 26, 2018 3:44:51 PM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

Lillian has lots of gas and doesn't enjoy popping. Lots of upset when she has to go

Nov 26, 2018 3:45:26 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Willow is being a three year old - testing boundaries

Nov 26, 2018 3:45:43 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Overall both are really good kids

Nov 26, 2018 3:45:52 PM Me

That’s great to hear

Nov 26, 2018 3:46:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Lillian is exactly how Declan dealt with anything poop related. He HATED pooping and would hold it in until he couldn’t. At that point he would fight it and scream but ultimately poop much to his dismay

Nov 26, 2018 3:47:43 PM Me

It was kinda funny because once he pooped and didn’t feel the pressure he was all smiles with tears streaming down his beet-red face

Nov 26, 2018 3:47:58 PM Me

and he would giggle. Wish I have video of that

Nov 26, 2018 3:48:34 PM Me

no smart phones back then (~2004/2005)

Nov 26, 2018 3:55:39 PM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

😃

Nov 26, 2018 4:58:28 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 8 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Thinking if getting Divi lifetime?

Nov 26, 2018 4:58:40 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 8 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Do you recommend?

Nov 26, 2018 9:07:37 PM (Read by them after 18 seconds) Me

I like Divi theme. Its what the Art+Logic website is built upon.

Nov 27, 2018 12:00:56 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

😄

Nov 27, 2018 12:22:10 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Whitehorcenter.com is not secured - not sure if you have contact with him still - but worth sending an email

Nov 27, 2018 3:41:39 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

cool, thanks.

Nov 27, 2018 3:41:45 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

you see this one today?

Nov 27, 2018 3:41:47 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/real-wealth

Nov 28, 2018 1:44:05 PM Me

Thanks for the video this morning!

Nov 28, 2018 1:44:25 PM Me

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I can win mega millions, or Powerball?

Nov 28, 2018 1:47:01 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

You are welcome

Nov 28, 2018 1:47:32 PM +13038752587

To win powerball...

Nov 28, 2018 1:49:44 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Buy tickets

Nov 28, 2018 1:50:31 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Then let go of any attachments to winning

Nov 28, 2018 1:51:29 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

And if the wind blows just right and the planets align and the gods favor you

Nov 28, 2018 1:51:49 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Well just maybe you will win 😃

Nov 28, 2018 1:53:15 PM Me

Damn! That was my problem last time when it was $1 billion. I bought tickets and kept daydreaming about what I would do. That daydreaming is attachments for sure

Nov 28, 2018 1:53:41 PM +13038752587

Me too

Nov 28, 2018 1:53:54 PM +13038752587

Is it high again

Dec 01, 2018 10:06:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Alot of self loathing today, and hate myself for hating myself, go figure. 🤯 I really hate feeling like this.

Dec 01, 2018 10:12:35 AM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 01, 2018 10:14:25 AM +13038752587

Dec 01, 2018 10:14:43 AM Me

Haha! Was that your voice?

Dec 01, 2018 10:14:50 AM +13038752587

Yes

Dec 01, 2018 10:15:22 AM Me

Hahaha

Dec 01, 2018 10:15:38 AM Me

Loved hearing willow. Her voice is so cute

Dec 01, 2018 10:16:06 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 01, 2018 10:16:57 AM +13038752587

Dec 01, 2018 10:17:18 AM +13038752587

Dec 01, 2018 10:23:05 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 01, 2018 10:24:40 AM Me

Wow, super cute

Dec 01, 2018 10:24:42 AM +13038752587

Heading out for a bit. Be back in a few hours

Dec 01, 2018 10:25:06 AM Me

K

Dec 01, 2018 10:25:07 AM +13038752587

Have something to share with you later

Dec 01, 2018 10:25:20 AM +13038752587

What’s your day like

Dec 01, 2018 10:25:25 AM Me

I have a work meeting at the top of the hour and will likely be online for about three hours doing work.

Dec 01, 2018 10:26:03 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Perfect - reach out to me after work

Dec 01, 2018 10:26:13 AM Me

K

Dec 01, 2018 10:26:29 AM Me

Enjoy those little people. They grow up really fast!

Dec 02, 2018 9:45:28 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 9 seconds) Me

hey there. hope the rest of your saturday went well. I’m about to head out on a 30 mile bike ride. Try to “air out” my head. Still have the self-loathing although not nearly as bad as it was yesterday. It’s all stemming from getting the new car (lease) on Friday. Thought the car was ‘exactly’ the same as the one I currently have and its not. Some features aren’t there. My own damn fault for not being patient and doing my homework deeper. I then find myself being pissed at me because I’m now stuck in a 36/mo lease 😟

Dec 02, 2018 11:56:38 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

There is a saying

Dec 02, 2018 11:56:51 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Dec 02, 2018 11:57:11 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

This may feel big but is it really?

Dec 02, 2018 12:39:17 PM Me

Done with my ride. You're spot on!! Thanks for always giving me great outside perspective

Dec 03, 2018 11:07:20 AM Me

Hope your monday is going well 😊

Dec 03, 2018 11:32:01 AM (Read by you after 55 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks

Dec 03, 2018 11:32:21 AM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

Not bad for a Monday 😀😃

Dec 03, 2018 11:32:31 AM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

How about yours

Dec 03, 2018 11:33:08 AM Me

I wish it was better.

Dec 03, 2018 11:33:57 AM Me

The car thing is just relentless

Dec 03, 2018 11:34:34 AM Me

Every time I look at the new car I see a bad decision and I can't shake that thought

Dec 03, 2018 11:35:14 AM +13038752587

Buyers regret, second guessing, 2020 hindsight

Dec 03, 2018 11:35:33 AM +13038752587

Can drive you crazy

Dec 03, 2018 11:35:57 AM +13038752587

You have a few options

Dec 03, 2018 11:36:12 AM Me

Yes

Dec 03, 2018 11:36:48 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Can the dealership get you the car you want with the options you wanted

Dec 03, 2018 11:40:36 AM Me

I don't think so. The combination of features on my current Kia isn't really possible because they don't do the same thing they did to years ago with the packages and options

Dec 03, 2018 11:40:54 AM Me

I realize now that the car I had is the one that I want

Dec 03, 2018 11:41:14 AM Me

Tricky part is I still have it. I don't turn it in until the end of this month

Dec 03, 2018 11:41:41 AM Me

If someone were to take over my lease, and I financed my current car. That would be the best case and Ariel I think

Dec 03, 2018 11:41:49 AM +13038752587

If you want to keep it do you have to buy it?

Dec 03, 2018 11:42:31 AM Me

The old one, yes. Coming out of the lease my only option is to buy

Dec 03, 2018 11:42:41 AM (Read by you after 41 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Dec 03, 2018 11:43:01 AM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Was the a reason you wanted a new car

Dec 03, 2018 11:43:35 AM Me

Yes, at least that's what I thought

Dec 03, 2018 11:43:56 AM Me

I'm sure I'll get over it, but will take some time

Dec 03, 2018 11:44:10 AM +13038752587

Non sense

Dec 03, 2018 11:44:23 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Run through your options

Dec 03, 2018 11:45:12 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Return new car and back out of lease- probably a fee. Then buy current car

Dec 03, 2018 11:46:30 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

2. Lease take over ( not sure how that works) and buy new one

Dec 03, 2018 11:47:04 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Do any them sound like what you want to do ?

Dec 03, 2018 11:53:43 AM Me

Maybe. Need to know cost of Financing old car

Dec 03, 2018 11:53:56 AM Me

I could text dealer and ask

Dec 03, 2018 11:54:10 AM Me

See what monthly they quote

Dec 03, 2018 11:54:38 AM Me

Walkaing back home and have big meeting in 5mins

Dec 03, 2018 11:55:15 AM Me

By the way, Liz thinks I'm crazy about all this 😁

Dec 03, 2018 11:55:51 AM +13038752587

Have a good meeting

Dec 03, 2018 11:56:04 AM +13038752587

Ping me later

Dec 03, 2018 11:56:12 AM Me

I will

Dec 03, 2018 2:36:49 PM Me

hey there.

Dec 03, 2018 2:37:15 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hi

Dec 03, 2018 2:37:17 PM Me

wondering if I should ping the guy I worked with at the dealer to ask him about monthly payments on financing the older lease vehicle

Dec 03, 2018 2:37:49 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Best place to get answer to all your questions

Dec 03, 2018 2:38:02 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Financing old car?

Dec 03, 2018 2:38:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Dec 03, 2018 2:38:20 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Exiting lease? Cost?

Dec 03, 2018 2:38:48 PM +13038752587

Finding person to take over lease?

Dec 03, 2018 2:39:25 PM Me

I can look at my contract, but I don’t think there’s a way out of the lease unless you are willing to make all the payments

Dec 03, 2018 2:39:57 PM Me

and there’s no “cooling off period”

Dec 03, 2018 2:40:01 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Not true - always a way out - for a fee

Dec 03, 2018 2:40:14 PM Me

k, I can ask

Dec 03, 2018 2:40:54 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Good first step - what are your options

Dec 03, 2018 2:41:18 PM +13038752587

Once you know that you can make the best decision for yourself

Dec 03, 2018 2:41:34 PM Me

k

Dec 03, 2018 2:54:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

some good info:

Dec 03, 2018 2:54:37 PM Me

http://www.realcartips.com/leasing/0437-how-to-get-out-of-lease-early.shtml

Dec 03, 2018 2:54:57 PM Me

guys says I should talk with the finance company, not the dealer if I’m looking to get out of the lease

Dec 03, 2018 2:55:05 PM Me

Dealer at this point is middle man

Dec 03, 2018 2:58:53 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Question

Dec 03, 2018 2:59:15 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

What does the old car have that the new one doesn’t

Dec 03, 2018 2:59:53 PM Me

V6 3.3L engine, new one has 4cyl 2.4L

Dec 03, 2018 3:00:13 PM Me

Front safety sensors that put on brakes if crash is imminent

Dec 03, 2018 3:01:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

then some smaller things, like the display on the dashboard is different. Just don’t like it. Thought when I looked at it I would be ok with it, but its a step back IMO.

Dec 03, 2018 3:02:11 PM Me

basically the older one has a bigger engine, and some safety features that I don’t have on the new one.

Dec 03, 2018 3:03:35 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

What was the motivation to get new one?

Dec 03, 2018 3:03:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My lease on the current car was up, and I like the make/model alot so I thought I would roll into a new one.

Dec 03, 2018 3:04:30 PM Me

Don’t like the new one as much as the old one, AND didn’t really know that until I had it for a couple days.

Dec 03, 2018 3:04:51 PM Me

and the fact that is has less power and safety features makes me 😟

Dec 03, 2018 3:05:07 PM +13038752587

Kia Sportage? Yes

Dec 03, 2018 3:05:10 PM Me

yes

Dec 03, 2018 3:05:22 PM +13038752587

2019

Dec 03, 2018 3:05:25 PM Me

yes

Dec 03, 2018 3:05:34 PM Me

think this will be the last time I lease a car

Dec 03, 2018 3:05:54 PM Me

learned a lesson here (of course) 😕

Dec 03, 2018 3:06:51 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

How many cars do you have

Dec 03, 2018 3:07:22 PM Me

2. Kia and Liz’s 2000 Jeep Wrangler.

Dec 03, 2018 3:07:36 PM Me

She’s going to need a new car soon

Dec 03, 2018 3:08:08 PM Me

oh and of course she told me I should have just bought the new one, and now is in “I told you so” mode 😊

Dec 03, 2018 3:09:18 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

If you bought it you still would be in same boat

Dec 03, 2018 3:09:31 PM +13038752587

What model did you get

Dec 03, 2018 3:09:36 PM Me

LX

Dec 03, 2018 3:09:46 PM Me

Convenience Package too

Dec 03, 2018 3:10:03 PM Me

She means buy the old leased car, not a new one

Dec 03, 2018 3:10:16 PM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

Ahh

Dec 03, 2018 3:10:41 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Now that seems like the obvious choice

Dec 03, 2018 3:10:47 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Hindsight

Dec 03, 2018 3:11:27 PM Me

yeah, and you pay more, but I’m paying more now too. Feels like there is no way to win out of this. It feels like I’m stuck

Dec 03, 2018 3:11:48 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Why not buy the old one- sell the Jeep and let Liz drive new one?

Dec 03, 2018 3:12:31 PM Me

We could do that, but then we go from having one car pmt to 2 and then paying ~$800 mo for cars for many years

Dec 03, 2018 3:13:02 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Ahh now we are getting to the good stuff

Dec 03, 2018 3:13:34 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

What is the additional monthly cost to do that

Dec 03, 2018 3:13:46 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

What year is old one

Dec 03, 2018 3:13:52 PM Me

2017

Dec 03, 2018 3:13:59 PM Me

Kia Sorento LX V6

Dec 03, 2018 3:15:14 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Mileage

Dec 03, 2018 3:15:23 PM Me

37,000

Dec 03, 2018 3:15:54 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Color

Dec 03, 2018 3:16:00 PM Me

Sangria

Dec 03, 2018 3:16:22 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Condition

Dec 03, 2018 3:16:35 PM Me

I would say Very Good condition.

Dec 03, 2018 3:17:19 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

What is the buy price from dealer

Dec 03, 2018 3:17:34 PM Me

don’t know off top of my head

Dec 03, 2018 3:17:44 PM Me

would have to dig up paperwork

Dec 03, 2018 3:18:22 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s go high and say 20

Dec 03, 2018 3:18:28 PM Me

k

Dec 03, 2018 3:19:32 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

What sales tax

Dec 03, 2018 3:19:40 PM Me

we’re 8%

Dec 03, 2018 3:20:29 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 27 seconds) +13038752587

About 380 monthly for 36 months

Dec 03, 2018 3:22:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s probably for someone with excellent credit, mine not so much

Dec 03, 2018 3:22:38 PM Me

what interest rate is that at?

Dec 03, 2018 3:22:50 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I did not do that right

Dec 03, 2018 3:23:09 PM Me

that comes out to less that $20k

Dec 03, 2018 3:23:11 PM Me

😊

Dec 03, 2018 3:23:20 PM +13038752587

Re run at 7%

Dec 03, 2018 3:23:35 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

617

Dec 03, 2018 3:24:01 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

478 for 48mo

Dec 03, 2018 3:24:23 PM Me

7% interest?

Dec 03, 2018 3:24:54 PM (Read by you after 53 seconds) +13038752587

Car is coming up at 15-16k on sale

Dec 03, 2018 3:25:06 PM (Read by you after 41 seconds) +13038752587

So it would be less

Dec 03, 2018 3:25:43 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s say it’s 500 more a month to keep both kiss

Dec 03, 2018 3:25:51 PM +13038752587

Kia s

Dec 03, 2018 3:25:53 PM Me

k

Dec 03, 2018 3:26:48 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

How do you make 500 more a month

Dec 03, 2018 3:29:02 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Do some research about what the buyout is for old car? This will give you a starting place

Dec 03, 2018 3:29:18 PM Me

exactly, how to make more $$$

Dec 03, 2018 3:29:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Paper route

Dec 03, 2018 3:29:43 PM Me

Honestly the older I get, the more depressed I get.

Dec 03, 2018 3:29:45 PM +13038752587

lol

Dec 03, 2018 3:29:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Dec 03, 2018 3:29:57 PM Me

yeah, paper route with my new car

Dec 03, 2018 3:30:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😛

Dec 03, 2018 3:30:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You keep looking at things from your current place - look at things from where you want them

Dec 03, 2018 3:31:05 PM +13038752587

I got a raise

Dec 03, 2018 3:31:08 PM Me

my depression has been off the charts over the weekend and into today.

Dec 03, 2018 3:31:25 PM +13038752587

I have 5 more hours of work time

Dec 03, 2018 3:31:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I got a new job at double the salary

Dec 03, 2018 3:31:46 PM Me

I see what you’re saying

Dec 03, 2018 3:31:58 PM Me

speak it, or think it, into reality

Dec 03, 2018 3:32:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes

Dec 03, 2018 3:32:12 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Know what you want

Dec 03, 2018 3:32:18 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Know where you are

Dec 03, 2018 3:33:18 PM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Then adobe mindset of being where you want and take action

Dec 03, 2018 3:33:30 PM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Adopt

Dec 03, 2018 3:34:19 PM Me

take action to get you there?

Dec 03, 2018 3:34:28 PM Me

to where the mindset is?

Dec 03, 2018 3:34:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

A type of meditation 🧘‍♀️

Dec 03, 2018 3:35:55 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

See yourself there , how do you feel

Dec 03, 2018 3:37:10 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Then put yourself in that feeling daily

Dec 03, 2018 3:37:16 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Be the feeling

Dec 03, 2018 3:38:16 PM Me

sounds simple

Dec 03, 2018 3:39:11 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It is to create. The trick is doing it consistently over time and not getting attached to when things show up

Dec 03, 2018 3:39:30 PM Me

attachment.... ugh

Dec 03, 2018 3:39:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Are you still seeing counselor

Dec 03, 2018 3:39:52 PM Me

if I could let go of the attachment to the car..

Dec 03, 2018 3:39:58 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You can

Dec 03, 2018 3:40:20 PM Me

I’ve not gone to see her in a long, long time.

Dec 03, 2018 3:40:26 PM Me

maybe a year

Dec 03, 2018 3:45:28 PM +13038752587

How much you time do you get daily

Dec 03, 2018 3:45:34 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No kids

Dec 03, 2018 3:45:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No work

Dec 03, 2018 3:45:44 PM +13038752587

No wife

Dec 03, 2018 3:46:34 PM Me

get daily for what?

Dec 03, 2018 3:47:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I took 30mins this morning to exercise today otherwise I’ve been in meetings and stressing out about work and the car.

Dec 03, 2018 3:47:29 PM Me

I wake up anxious, worried and stressed every single day.

Dec 03, 2018 3:47:54 PM Me

Can’t remember the last time I woke up not already worrying about something or feeling bad about something

Dec 03, 2018 3:52:54 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

You and I have had similar conversations about how important it is to have time

Dec 03, 2018 3:53:15 PM Me

I think so

Dec 03, 2018 3:53:34 PM +13038752587

I have been inconsistent and find my self stressed and easily upset

Dec 03, 2018 3:54:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What I have found is doing my morning routine is mandatory for me state of being

Dec 03, 2018 3:54:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I will also be adding a evening one

Dec 03, 2018 3:55:05 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Are you getting more consistent sleep

Dec 03, 2018 3:55:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve heard and read about those things for years but honestly i don’t even know where to start

Dec 03, 2018 3:55:44 PM Me

feels like a lost cause 😟

Dec 03, 2018 3:56:11 PM +13038752587

The best time to start is now

Dec 03, 2018 3:56:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It’s never too late

Dec 03, 2018 3:56:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sleep has been troublesome, but I know its likely the key to everything for me

Dec 03, 2018 3:56:53 PM Me

slept about 5 hours last night, maybe 6 the day before

Dec 03, 2018 3:57:10 PM Me

usually somewhere in the 5-7 range

Dec 03, 2018 3:57:51 PM Me

I need to shift gears in a few. have work stuff to wrap up.

Dec 03, 2018 3:58:23 PM +13038752587

Me too

Dec 03, 2018 3:58:44 PM +13038752587

So here is where you start

Dec 03, 2018 3:59:05 PM +13038752587

Get up tomorrow morning at 5am

Dec 03, 2018 3:59:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll share that I have dark thoughts quite often, but there is a part of me that knows that selfishness is at the root of that, and that anything in that realm is largely based on fantastical thinking, so I ignore and discount it entirely.

Dec 03, 2018 4:00:05 PM Me

k, 5am.... Ouch

Dec 03, 2018 4:00:13 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

And exercise, meditate, journal, read,

Dec 03, 2018 4:00:49 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Have a green smoothie

Dec 03, 2018 4:02:38 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

5am let’s you have you time - no one to disturb you, no calls no internet,

Dec 03, 2018 4:03:16 PM +13038752587

I will email you a more detailed morning ritual practice

Dec 03, 2018 4:03:23 PM Me

ok, cool.

Dec 03, 2018 4:03:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

looking forward to that

Dec 04, 2018 10:51:33 AM Me

Hey there, how did your morning routine go today?

Dec 04, 2018 10:57:07 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - Lillian needs attention

Dec 04, 2018 10:57:19 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Got 6/8 done

Dec 04, 2018 10:57:26 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

How about you

Dec 04, 2018 10:59:22 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

In meeting for next hour

Dec 04, 2018 10:59:29 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Then lunch

Dec 04, 2018 10:59:35 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Then meeting

Dec 04, 2018 11:36:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, just out of meeting myself.

Dec 04, 2018 11:37:12 AM Me

Finishing up some work, then exercise, then errand to get Liz a B-Day card. Today’s her Bday!

Dec 05, 2018 11:54:47 AM Me

It's a tough rainy day here.

Dec 05, 2018 11:55:31 AM Me

Last night Darragh gets into the car for the first time and what's his comment? "Oh man this car is a total downgrade"

Dec 05, 2018 11:56:05 AM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

It’s a different model

Dec 05, 2018 11:56:41 AM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Out and about

Dec 05, 2018 11:57:00 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Be home in a bit

Dec 05, 2018 11:57:16 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

He cut straight to it

Dec 05, 2018 12:12:25 PM Me

K, ping me when you can

Dec 05, 2018 12:44:43 PM +13038752587

Ping

Dec 05, 2018 12:45:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I meant when you’re home

Dec 05, 2018 12:45:46 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I am

Dec 05, 2018 12:45:59 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Lunch

Dec 05, 2018 12:46:20 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

I have a call in 15

Dec 05, 2018 12:57:32 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 31 seconds) Me

k, running errands now. Things will settle down later this afternoon and can text.

Dec 05, 2018 12:59:18 PM +13038752587

Ok

Dec 05, 2018 2:45:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there.

Dec 05, 2018 2:45:58 PM Me

i’m so screwed

Dec 05, 2018 2:46:09 PM Me

this just keeps getting worse

Dec 05, 2018 2:49:08 PM +13038752587

Why

Dec 05, 2018 2:49:24 PM Me

I was looking at the end of lease terms

Dec 05, 2018 2:49:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

for the older vehicle

Dec 05, 2018 2:51:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

mileage is 12k yr, not 15k. I remember it being 15k, but its not. So now I owe ever MORE money for miles. I drove the new car to town for an errand (my new glasses I picked up yesterday got bent and broke, plus lens go scratched) and the new car just feels cheaper than the older one.

Dec 05, 2018 2:51:45 PM Me

Just sucks all the way around.

Dec 05, 2018 2:52:29 PM +13038752587

Leasing has it pluses and minuses

Dec 05, 2018 2:53:09 PM Me

paying thousands of dollars to move to a new car, and I don’t like the new car as much as the old one. And stuck with it for 3 years

Dec 05, 2018 2:53:21 PM Me

no one is going to want to take over my lease

Dec 05, 2018 2:53:32 PM Me

only way out is to be dead

Dec 05, 2018 2:53:43 PM +13038752587

Why did you move down a level with the car? $$

Dec 05, 2018 2:53:54 PM +13038752587

Nonsense

Dec 05, 2018 2:54:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Honestly thought I was getting the same

Dec 05, 2018 2:54:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Same make and model, and convenience package

Dec 05, 2018 2:54:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

old one V6, new one 4Cyl

Dec 05, 2018 2:54:24 PM +13038752587

Model is different

Dec 05, 2018 2:54:35 PM Me

the engine changes things

Dec 05, 2018 2:54:59 PM Me

Just totally unhappy with the experience

Dec 05, 2018 2:55:07 PM +13038752587

Old one a sorrento

Dec 05, 2018 2:55:10 PM Me

yes

Dec 05, 2018 2:55:19 PM +13038752587

New one is not

Dec 05, 2018 2:55:22 PM Me

both Kia Sorentos

Dec 05, 2018 2:55:30 PM Me

Kia Sorento LX, both of them

Dec 05, 2018 2:55:32 PM +13038752587

Oh

Dec 05, 2018 2:55:51 PM +13038752587

Throught you said it was something else

Dec 05, 2018 2:56:05 PM Me

the engine is different between old and new

Dec 05, 2018 2:57:04 PM Me

beating myself up for being so fucking stupid.

Dec 05, 2018 2:57:18 PM +13038752587

What’s the upside of new car

Dec 05, 2018 2:57:41 PM Me

this mistake is costing me so much money. money I could have used for taking Liz on a nice 20th Anniversary trip this summer

Dec 05, 2018 2:58:05 PM +13038752587

Ah - living and learning

Dec 05, 2018 2:58:15 PM Me

Honestly I’m at a loss for the upside

Dec 05, 2018 2:58:28 PM Me

other than its new

Dec 05, 2018 2:59:12 PM +13038752587

This does not prevent anniversary plans - just need to re group and find the new path to what you want

Dec 05, 2018 3:00:04 PM Me

k

Dec 05, 2018 3:00:12 PM Me

right now I don’t see it

Dec 05, 2018 3:00:14 PM +13038752587

Upside- new car, less maintenance, higher mpg,

Dec 05, 2018 3:00:55 PM Me

thing is I now hate the new car. I don’t think anything can make me like it

Dec 05, 2018 3:01:08 PM +13038752587

It’s alright to feel bummed. Then learn what you need and move on

Dec 05, 2018 3:01:32 PM +13038752587

Nonsense - it’s a car - point a to point b

Dec 05, 2018 3:01:47 PM +13038752587

Everything else is an illusion

Dec 05, 2018 3:01:49 PM Me

Don’t understand why I’m so attached to this.

Dec 05, 2018 3:02:13 PM Me

I keep telling myself, “oh you can make more money”

Dec 05, 2018 3:02:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

money you can get

Dec 05, 2018 3:02:21 PM +13038752587

Because you are self identifying with the car. You are not the car

Dec 05, 2018 3:02:45 PM +13038752587

And that is true you can

Dec 05, 2018 3:03:02 PM Me

thank you for being good to me and talking with me about this. I honestly have no one else to talk with about all this.

Dec 05, 2018 3:03:23 PM +13038752587

My pleasure and I’m always here

Dec 05, 2018 3:03:25 PM Me

you have a great perspective

Dec 05, 2018 3:03:37 PM Me

that I value greatly

Dec 05, 2018 3:03:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

much gratitude

Dec 05, 2018 3:04:25 PM +13038752587

Been down the road a few times around buying things and then second, third, etc guessing it. Houses, cars , businesses

Dec 05, 2018 3:04:56 PM Me

yeah, that’s true. and probably dealing with things that have more that $5k of hurt

Dec 05, 2018 3:05:20 PM +13038752587

Money hurts are relative /

Dec 05, 2018 3:05:26 PM Me

true

Dec 05, 2018 3:06:43 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

We place to much value on things that really don’t matter.

Dec 05, 2018 3:07:34 PM +13038752587

We are not our things, our bank account, our house, our job

Dec 05, 2018 3:07:46 PM +13038752587

They really are things

Dec 05, 2018 3:09:34 PM +13038752587

You, however, are a unique one of a kind amazing person. Truly a gift to the world. Do not lose sight of what really matters

Dec 05, 2018 3:09:53 PM Me

I hear you on ‘we are not our things’

Dec 05, 2018 3:09:56 PM Me

I agre

Dec 05, 2018 3:10:19 PM Me

However, I don’t feel amazing. I feel stupid.

Dec 05, 2018 3:10:36 PM Me

I don’t feel like a gift to the world, I feel like a turd to the world

Dec 05, 2018 3:12:11 PM +13038752587

Perhaps right now - but that is because you are blaming yourself for what is part of living and that is “mistakes” (learning opportunities)

Dec 05, 2018 3:12:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wow

Dec 05, 2018 3:12:33 PM Me

man you are crystal clear

Dec 05, 2018 3:12:52 PM Me

“blaming myself for what is part of living”

Dec 05, 2018 3:13:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

again your perspective is clear and fantastic

Dec 05, 2018 3:14:17 PM Me

I still have to dig out of this money issue with the car. Getting the new car has cost me too much

Dec 05, 2018 3:14:36 PM +13038752587

Stop the blame - learn the lessons for yourself and what you can teach others -

Dec 05, 2018 3:14:53 PM +13038752587

You will solve the money issue

Dec 05, 2018 3:14:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

stop it 😊

Dec 05, 2018 3:17:02 PM +13038752587

You know where you are and where you want to go. The rest is just doing it and let go the attachment

Dec 05, 2018 3:17:47 PM Me

yes, true.

Dec 05, 2018 3:18:36 PM Me

what is so hard, is to see in hindsight what I should have done. I rushed and didn’t pause to think it through, or consult with enough outside people

Dec 05, 2018 3:19:04 PM Me

it really bothers me that the rep at the dealership didn’t say anything to me.

Dec 05, 2018 3:19:22 PM Me

I was in touch with him for almost 2 months about the car

Dec 05, 2018 3:19:41 PM Me

Anyhow, more attachment, more bitching and complaining

Dec 05, 2018 3:20:51 PM +13038752587

Look at the lessons learned - research, consult, slow down

Dec 05, 2018 3:21:04 PM Me

yes

Dec 05, 2018 3:21:08 PM Me

100% spot on

Dec 05, 2018 3:21:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its not a $1,000,000 mistake

Dec 05, 2018 3:21:42 PM +13038752587

The dealership motive - move cars - not necessary get you the perfect car

Dec 05, 2018 3:21:54 PM Me

yep

Dec 05, 2018 3:22:14 PM Me

and having me buy my old one isn’t in their best interests

Dec 05, 2018 3:22:37 PM +13038752587

Not at all in their interest

Dec 05, 2018 3:22:42 PM Me

just feels dishonest to me

Dec 05, 2018 3:23:50 PM +13038752587

Not really- they have their own agenda-

Dec 05, 2018 3:23:58 PM +13038752587

Sell cars

Dec 05, 2018 3:24:10 PM +13038752587

New cars that is

Dec 05, 2018 3:24:19 PM +13038752587

Hit quotas

Dec 05, 2018 3:24:20 PM Me

right

Dec 05, 2018 3:24:22 PM Me

right

Dec 05, 2018 3:24:27 PM +13038752587

Make bonuses

Dec 05, 2018 3:24:34 PM +13038752587

Get paid

Dec 05, 2018 3:24:46 PM +13038752587

Pay their bills

Dec 05, 2018 3:25:39 PM Me

yes

Dec 05, 2018 3:26:49 PM +13038752587

I have to roll. Take all of this and allow it to serve you, to grow and expand. Look to tomorrow with a vision of amazing possibilities

Dec 05, 2018 3:27:01 PM Me

ok

Dec 05, 2018 3:27:15 PM Me

thanks again for the advice and perspective

Dec 05, 2018 3:27:28 PM Me

incredibly valuable for me

Dec 05, 2018 3:27:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so THANK YOU

Dec 05, 2018 3:27:51 PM +13038752587

You are very welcome

Dec 05, 2018 3:28:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have a good evening and have fun with the kiddos

Dec 05, 2018 4:19:07 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

What is you address

Dec 05, 2018 4:27:08 PM Me

5025 Thacher Road, Ojai, CA 93023

Dec 05, 2018 4:27:25 PM Me

btw, I’ve tweeted to Kia and Kia Finance to see if I can get a dialogue going with them

Dec 05, 2018 4:45:05 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Dec 05, 2018 6:18:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

when you’re back online would love to brainstorm some ideas with you. We can do it tomorrow.

Dec 05, 2018 7:19:24 PM +13038752587

I maybe online in a few hours if i don’t fall asleep 💤 when reading to Willow

Dec 05, 2018 7:19:33 PM +13038752587

Otherwise tomorrow

Dec 05, 2018 7:19:39 PM Me

k

Dec 06, 2018 10:37:54 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

hey hope you’re doing well out there.

Dec 06, 2018 10:40:24 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

past 2 days have been all rain here. quite a contrast to being in a hotel for 7 days running away from the Thomas Fire last year. :-)

Dec 06, 2018 11:24:20 AM +13038752587

Much better

Dec 06, 2018 11:24:37 AM +13038752587

Out - be home in an hour

Dec 06, 2018 11:24:52 AM Me

k

Dec 06, 2018 11:25:07 AM Me

slept almost 9 hours last night

Dec 06, 2018 11:56:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey, going to reach out to the guy at dealership and let him know how unhappy I am about the new car and deal. He needs to know, and I’ll see if there is anything that can be done since the situation is unique. Any suggestions on what to say? or how to say it?

Dec 06, 2018 12:08:07 PM +13038752587

Tell him you are extreme disappointed that the car is lesser of your current car - and you are very unhappy with it. That you thought you were upgrading to a newer better one and in reality your did not.

Dec 06, 2018 12:09:21 PM +13038752587

Perhaps there is something they can do

Dec 06, 2018 12:09:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Dec 06, 2018 12:09:39 PM +13038752587

Free gas for life

Dec 06, 2018 12:09:41 PM Me

haha

Dec 06, 2018 12:10:05 PM Me

I was just texting with Russ about it. Don’t know why I didn’t reach out to him as he has alot of buy/selling car experience.

Dec 06, 2018 12:10:30 PM +13038752587

Be prepared to tell him what you want. As he will most likely ask

Dec 06, 2018 12:12:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

he just ran through all the numbers with me and looked forward in time and with depreciation, etc. the lease is actually not a bad option. A little less money over time, plus no major repair bills if something goes wrong on car. New lease is covered by warranty

Dec 06, 2018 1:28:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh, and thanks for the suggestions for reaching out to dealer rep

Dec 07, 2018 9:54:12 AM (Read by them after 6 minutes, 53 seconds) Me

happy friday! how are you doing out there today

Dec 07, 2018 10:01:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

?

Dec 07, 2018 10:02:38 AM +13038752587

Good - dropping flowers of to mom - it’s her birthday

Dec 07, 2018 10:03:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OMG! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AUNT PAT!!!

Dec 07, 2018 10:03:20 AM Me

or as Keegan calls her “Aunt Pot”

Dec 07, 2018 10:03:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Please tell her happy birthday from me! and a big hug to boot!

Dec 07, 2018 10:39:47 AM +13038752587

You mentioned online ideas the other day / what are they?

Dec 07, 2018 10:43:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was thinking about ways to make some more money.

Dec 07, 2018 10:44:15 AM Me

However its hard to think and be creative when your brain and body are so tired all the time.

Dec 07, 2018 10:44:27 AM Me

Past couple nights I’ve forced myself to get 8 hours of sleep.

Dec 07, 2018 10:44:39 AM +13038752587

That’s an interest story

Dec 07, 2018 10:44:55 AM +13038752587

Good sleeping / how do you feel

Dec 07, 2018 10:45:03 AM Me

Getting to bed a tiny bit earlier, but I make myself sleep in a bit more in the morning.

Dec 07, 2018 10:45:54 AM Me

the improvement is at a ‘micro’ level. I can feel/sense a small shift, but I need to do this every day for a long time to really get myself back

Dec 07, 2018 10:46:11 AM Me

I’ve been sleep deprived for many years now.

Dec 07, 2018 10:46:27 AM +13038752587

One day at a time

Dec 07, 2018 10:46:33 AM Me

yes

Dec 07, 2018 10:46:41 AM +13038752587

1% better daily

Dec 07, 2018 10:47:04 AM +13038752587

Ok -Sounds like you have some ideas for online

Dec 07, 2018 10:47:19 AM Me

actually no, I’m wanting to find some

Dec 07, 2018 10:47:27 AM Me

either out there, or from inside my own head

Dec 07, 2018 10:48:28 AM Me

I’m sure you see the same thing. You see/hear about people who are making lots of money online. I’ve been online for almost 25 years and I want to find a way to make it happen.

Dec 07, 2018 10:48:28 AM +13038752587

There are literally 100+ ways

Dec 07, 2018 10:48:44 AM Me

maybe some kind of ‘drop-ship’ business? not sure

Dec 07, 2018 10:49:44 AM +13038752587

Drop ship. Amazon, Shopify affiliate

Dec 07, 2018 10:49:49 AM Me

and yes 1% better daily.

Dec 07, 2018 10:50:02 AM +13038752587

I actually know folks in each business

Dec 07, 2018 10:50:27 AM Me

is it a side business for them? part-time or full time?

Dec 07, 2018 10:50:42 AM +13038752587

All take a commitment of time, energy and reinvestment to get rolling

Dec 07, 2018 10:50:53 AM +13038752587

Full time most of them

Dec 07, 2018 10:50:57 AM Me

wow

Dec 07, 2018 10:51:12 AM Me

the commitment part I get, and the reinvestment

Dec 07, 2018 10:51:34 AM +13038752587

The thing is to pick one path , follow the folks crushing it and doing the work

Dec 07, 2018 10:51:56 AM Me

and do you feel that there is still opportunity out there>

Dec 07, 2018 10:51:58 AM +13038752587

Roll your profits into the growth of the business

Dec 07, 2018 10:52:05 AM +13038752587

Yes

Dec 07, 2018 10:52:50 AM +13038752587

Drop shipping through messenger is a new arena

Dec 07, 2018 10:53:24 AM Me

you mean text messaging? messenger as the app I’m typing in on my mac to text

Dec 07, 2018 10:53:25 AM Me

?

Dec 07, 2018 10:53:50 AM +13038752587

We are stilling using a mess engine platform

Dec 07, 2018 10:54:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

mess = mass?

Dec 07, 2018 10:54:17 AM +13038752587

Messenger platform

Dec 07, 2018 10:54:23 AM +13038752587

Auto correct

Dec 07, 2018 10:54:31 AM Me

ah, k 😊

Dec 07, 2018 10:54:45 AM +13038752587

Soon all will be open for business

Dec 07, 2018 10:54:52 AM +13038752587

Facebook now

Dec 07, 2018 10:55:00 AM +13038752587

Slack now

Dec 07, 2018 10:55:11 AM +13038752587

What’s app any day

Dec 07, 2018 10:55:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

do you mean advertising through those platforms?

Dec 07, 2018 10:55:52 AM +13038752587

iMessage, google message, Instagram next year

Dec 07, 2018 10:56:20 AM +13038752587

Yes and ads to bot to sell

Dec 07, 2018 10:56:36 AM +13038752587

Google , FB ads

Dec 07, 2018 10:57:17 AM +13038752587

The next marketing platform is messenger apps

Dec 07, 2018 10:57:37 AM +13038752587

More people on them then any social media

Dec 07, 2018 10:57:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what is the global platform to get your ads into these spaces?

Dec 07, 2018 10:57:57 AM +13038752587

Adsense - google

Dec 07, 2018 10:58:00 AM Me

you surely cannot go to each platform and manage it individually. too much time

Dec 07, 2018 10:58:14 AM +13038752587

Right now that is the path

Dec 07, 2018 10:58:32 AM +13038752587

But you may have just found a sass

Dec 07, 2018 10:58:56 AM +13038752587

Although each platform operates uniquely

Dec 07, 2018 10:59:09 AM Me

of course

Dec 07, 2018 10:59:22 AM Me

but do they each have an API?

Dec 07, 2018 10:59:26 AM +13038752587

I have to jump into some work

Dec 07, 2018 10:59:32 AM +13038752587

Yes I believe

Dec 07, 2018 10:59:44 AM +13038752587

Some website questions

Dec 07, 2018 10:59:45 AM Me

k, no problem. me too. plus get some exercise in.

Dec 07, 2018 10:59:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feeling my age

Dec 07, 2018 11:00:07 AM +13038752587

Setting up new site within divi

Dec 07, 2018 11:00:28 AM +13038752587

We can only feel our age as it is where we are

Dec 07, 2018 11:00:37 AM +13038752587

Haha

Dec 07, 2018 11:00:49 AM +13038752587

Do you mean old

Dec 07, 2018 11:01:02 AM +13038752587

Https- yes?

Dec 07, 2018 11:01:18 AM +13038752587

Install WP

Dec 07, 2018 11:01:20 AM Me

yeah, the body isn’t as resilient as it once was. small aches and pains

Dec 07, 2018 11:01:32 AM Me

yes, https

Dec 07, 2018 11:01:39 AM Me

you want a secure site

Dec 07, 2018 11:01:58 AM Me

what is Divi question?

Dec 07, 2018 11:02:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know alot about it

Dec 07, 2018 11:02:28 AM +13038752587

Then install divi

Dec 07, 2018 11:02:39 AM +13038752587

Then upgrade to work 5

Dec 07, 2018 11:02:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes, the order is right so far

Dec 07, 2018 11:02:49 AM +13038752587

Wp 5

Dec 07, 2018 11:02:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would maybe stay away from WP5 for now

Dec 07, 2018 11:03:13 AM +13038752587

Ok

Dec 07, 2018 11:03:16 AM Me

just came out and its using Gutenberg, a new UI/publishing paradigm.

Dec 07, 2018 11:03:41 AM Me

It will likely have many issues in the first version so I would hold off

Dec 07, 2018 11:04:03 AM +13038752587

Ok

Dec 07, 2018 11:04:45 AM +13038752587

No I have some sites with http set up originally with ssl forcing https

Dec 07, 2018 11:05:05 AM +13038752587

Should I make them pure https

Dec 07, 2018 11:07:45 AM Me

the ssl should take care of it

Dec 07, 2018 11:08:47 AM +13038752587

Cool

Dec 07, 2018 11:09:39 AM +13038752587

Have a good day - let’s continue the online business convo

Dec 07, 2018 11:09:51 AM Me

k, sounds good

Dec 07, 2018 11:10:10 AM Me

I’ll be working most of today, and working a bit tomorrow as well.

Dec 07, 2018 11:10:13 AM +13038752587

Simple low cost is to sell your T-shirt designs on Amazon

Dec 07, 2018 11:10:37 AM +13038752587

You and Liz are both talented artists

Dec 07, 2018 11:11:44 AM +13038752587

Create design, upload to amazon - tell folks - amazon prints, delivers and collects payment - you can make 5-10 per shirt

Dec 07, 2018 11:12:08 AM +13038752587

No minimum order

Dec 07, 2018 11:12:10 AM Me

cool. is there a link? I should tell Aidan

Dec 07, 2018 11:13:02 AM +13038752587

https://merch.amazon.com/landing

Dec 07, 2018 11:13:13 AM +13038752587

Ok - to work I go

Dec 07, 2018 11:13:23 AM Me

Cool, thanks!

Dec 07, 2018 11:53:11 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

If I set up a website in siteground and the url is already being hosted somewhere else, can I build new site on siteground under url and use IP address to view it?

Dec 07, 2018 11:56:37 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

IP address on siteground to clarify

Dec 07, 2018 3:48:39 PM +13038752587

Your input is greatly appreciated 🙂

Dec 07, 2018 3:49:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh hey there

Dec 07, 2018 3:49:06 PM Me

didn’t see this

Dec 07, 2018 3:49:20 PM Me

yes, that should work

Dec 07, 2018 3:49:38 PM Me

type the IP into your browser and you should get served the site in progress

Dec 07, 2018 3:49:59 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - that way I don’t have to create a dev site

Dec 07, 2018 3:52:48 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Https or

Dec 07, 2018 3:52:48 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

https://www

Dec 07, 2018 3:53:10 PM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

Https www

Dec 07, 2018 4:00:25 PM +13038752587

If the url we put on siteground is an active url on another host, will what we develop on siteground affect the current live site?

Dec 07, 2018 4:00:43 PM Me

it shouldn’t

Dec 07, 2018 4:00:58 PM Me

unless you have things pointing to the true domain name (www.domain.com)

Dec 07, 2018 4:01:19 PM Me

https shouldn’t matter right now

Dec 07, 2018 4:02:26 PM +13038752587

So don’t link out of dev site - makes sense

Dec 07, 2018 4:02:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yep

Dec 07, 2018 4:02:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 50 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Dec 07, 2018 4:02:52 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 50 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks

Dec 07, 2018 5:07:53 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

So looks like I need to create dev site

Dec 07, 2018 5:53:08 PM (Read by them after 6 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

ok, you should be able to do that easy in siteground

Dec 10, 2018 11:30:54 AM (Read by them after 23 minutes, 48 seconds) Me

How goes your site building? Did you get things sorted out?

Dec 10, 2018 11:54:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, how goes Monday?

Dec 10, 2018 11:54:51 AM +13038752587

Good

Dec 10, 2018 11:55:00 AM +13038752587

Under a deadline

Dec 10, 2018 11:55:09 AM Me

I can appreciate that

Dec 10, 2018 11:55:13 AM Me

no worries

Dec 10, 2018 11:55:22 AM Me

mind is playing tricks on me today

Dec 10, 2018 11:55:40 AM Me

i’ll share when you have bandwidth 😊

Dec 10, 2018 11:56:15 AM +13038752587

Yes - host the site locally- that way I can use the url on siteground

Dec 10, 2018 11:56:35 AM +13038752587

I may have time in an hour

Dec 10, 2018 11:57:10 AM +13038752587

Share away now / get it out of your head - I will respond when I can

Dec 10, 2018 12:00:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, about to start a meeting with SAA.

Dec 10, 2018 12:00:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

probably go about 1.5 hours.

Dec 10, 2018 12:00:49 PM Me

will share what I can.

Dec 10, 2018 1:08:16 PM (Read by them after 23 minutes, 49 seconds) Me

Woke up groggy, and mind went to worrying as usual. Don’t remember a morning where I’ve not woken up and gone to worry, anxiety, shame in a long, long time. It impacts just about every facet of my life. I have moments, when focused, where I’m clear of this—but its seems to be a concentrated effort. Typically the awareness of this taking place is after the fact. So the challenge is to awaken with awareness to help “stop it” before it takes place.

Dec 10, 2018 3:53:06 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - sounds like you are clued in even if a bit delayed

Dec 10, 2018 3:54:27 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

What can you do in the morning to connect with how you feel and then move into your day with a clean slate

Dec 10, 2018 3:58:59 PM (Read by them after 23 minutes, 47 seconds) Me

unsure. emotions/feelings tend to hijack my brain/moment/day

Dec 10, 2018 4:27:18 PM Me

I was doing a short workout today and thought about “high functioning depression” and did a google search to see if such a thing existed. BAM! Symptomology is spot on for how I feel:

Dec 10, 2018 4:27:21 PM Me

Bridges to Recovery

Dec 10, 2018 4:32:53 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Wow so who do you have to see

Dec 10, 2018 4:33:09 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

To get official diagnosis

Dec 10, 2018 4:38:31 PM Me

First stop would likely be my primary care physician

Dec 10, 2018 4:41:15 PM Me

It really does match up and I've been feeling this way for many years now, maybe four or five

Dec 10, 2018 4:42:16 PM +13038752587

Cool - call Doc now to arrange appt

Dec 10, 2018 4:42:55 PM Me

I'm afraid they're going to want to push medication right away. I don't want medication at all. I've been on that shit and I just masks the problems

Dec 10, 2018 4:57:26 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

One step at a time

Dec 10, 2018 4:58:02 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Go see doc - confirm diagnosis - then ask for alternative to drugs

Dec 10, 2018 4:58:43 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Any reasearch into CDB products

Dec 10, 2018 4:59:22 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Combined with healthy living and probably meditation

Dec 11, 2018 1:16:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, how goes it?

Dec 11, 2018 1:58:17 PM +13038752587

Good

Dec 11, 2018 1:58:21 PM +13038752587

You?

Dec 11, 2018 2:00:16 PM +13038752587

Ready to see something cool

Dec 11, 2018 2:01:14 PM Me

i’m ok. sure, ready

Dec 11, 2018 2:03:04 PM (Read by you after 22 hours, 55 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Go to messenger

Dec 11, 2018 2:03:12 PM (Read by you after 22 hours, 55 minutes) +13038752587

On you phone

Dec 11, 2018 2:03:20 PM (Read by you after 22 hours, 54 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

FB messenger

Dec 11, 2018 2:05:45 PM (Read by you after 22 hours, 52 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Then go to - Longmont city pass

Dec 11, 2018 2:09:15 PM (Read by you after 22 hours, 48 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Hit “Get Started”

Dec 11, 2018 2:09:22 PM (Read by you after 22 hours, 48 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Follow the prompts

Dec 12, 2018 3:31:47 PM Me

Just saw these. Past few days been super busy from one thing to the next. That's why I've not been bugging you 😜

Dec 12, 2018 3:32:52 PM Me

Don't have messenger because phone is old, iPhone5, and not a lot of memory

Dec 13, 2018 7:19:49 AM (Read by you after 12 hours, 2 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

I had messenger on my iPhone 4

Dec 14, 2018 10:36:06 AM (Read by them after 39 minutes, 17 seconds) Me

Hey there, been a busy time here as of late. Was at a funeral service for a good chunk of yesterday. And today we took Declan to Nordhoff today for his tour and start the transition to the public high school. Plus Darragh was suspended for 2 days from school—he was involved (albeit innocently) in a larger student discipline issue.

Dec 14, 2018 10:38:52 AM (Read by them after 39 minutes, 16 seconds) Me

Still haven’t had time to try the messenger instructions you sent. Likely later today or tomorrow. Playing catchup with work today and this weekend.

Dec 14, 2018 11:19:08 AM +13038752587

Wow

Dec 14, 2018 11:19:22 AM +13038752587

lots to do

Dec 14, 2018 11:19:47 AM +13038752587

So, is Declan excited about going to Nordhoff?

Dec 14, 2018 11:20:05 AM +13038752587

How’s Darragh feel about the suspension thing?

Dec 14, 2018 11:24:10 AM Me

I think Declan is excited. A little apprehensive about the transition, but that’s to be expected.

Dec 14, 2018 11:24:33 AM +13038752587

Cool

Dec 14, 2018 11:24:50 AM Me

Darragh is rolling with it. He was very remorseful with lots of tears, so I know he understands the gravity of whats going on.

Dec 14, 2018 11:25:02 AM Me

He goes back to school on Monday.

Dec 14, 2018 11:25:47 AM +13038752587

that’s good

Dec 14, 2018 11:27:16 AM +13038752587

Going into focus mode. Lots to do. Do check out the messenger flow/pass - follow all the steps 😊

Dec 14, 2018 11:27:35 AM Me

ok, cool. Will do.

Dec 14, 2018 11:27:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m trying hard to get into focus mode. I have lots to do here. hours and hours of it after missing yesterday.

Dec 14, 2018 11:28:13 AM +13038752587

well...

Dec 14, 2018 11:28:17 AM Me

so much that I want to go and hide away

Dec 14, 2018 11:28:23 AM +13038752587

GET TO WORK 😊

Dec 14, 2018 11:28:23 AM Me

and not do anything 😊

Dec 14, 2018 11:28:25 AM Me

haha

Dec 14, 2018 11:28:30 AM Me

ok, off to it

Dec 14, 2018 11:28:57 AM +13038752587

seriously , just take it one task at a time

Dec 14, 2018 11:29:02 AM +13038752587

have fun

Dec 14, 2018 11:29:04 AM +13038752587

ttyl

Dec 14, 2018 11:29:05 AM Me

ok

Dec 14, 2018 11:29:09 AM Me

k, you too

Dec 19, 2018 1:38:39 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 26 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Dec 19, 2018 1:38:52 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 26 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

How goes your hump day

Dec 20, 2018 1:03:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. Its now day after hump day. Things are going ok for me and family. How are you doing?

Dec 20, 2018 1:05:23 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

good - crunch time for a website project (have to get some designs in place for review, getting some folks into new biz (funding to make it happen), preparing for xmas time rounds and family life 😊

Dec 20, 2018 1:26:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool. Busy working here and trying to focus.

Dec 20, 2018 1:26:19 PM Me

Heard sad news this morning.

Dec 20, 2018 1:26:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Heard this morning that friends of ours, who used to live/work here at Thacher for 20+ years and left a couple years ago, that their 13 year old daughter committed suicide last night. Totally tragic and feels senseless. I saw her and her dad here on campus 3 weeks ago. She was here interviewing to attend Thacher next fall. I remember when she was born and she grew up on campus, so I knew her well. It doesn’t seem real, or fair, or make any sense to me. And I cannot imagine what the family is going through, and to have it happen this time of year too. Just immensely tragic and sad.

Dec 20, 2018 1:28:10 PM Me

And Liz and I have to figure out how to tell the boys. They all knew her, and D&D used to hang out and play with her from time to time

Dec 20, 2018 1:39:39 PM +13038752587

oh no - so very sad 😟

Dec 20, 2018 1:39:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes, truly is

Dec 20, 2018 1:40:16 PM Me

Makes me hug my kids a bit longer and harder today

Dec 20, 2018 1:42:07 PM +13038752587

be truthful with the boys - be prepared to answer q’s best as you can and look up together the ones you don’t have answer for and sometimes there aren’t answers. Be open, they may surprise you with some insights

Dec 20, 2018 1:42:15 PM +13038752587

ok - bbs

Dec 20, 2018 1:43:09 PM Me

k, thanks for those words. very helpful.

Dec 24, 2018 12:28:11 PM Me

Hey there

Dec 24, 2018 1:18:18 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

Dec 24, 2018 1:18:52 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

How is your Christmas 🎄 eve day?

Dec 24, 2018 2:56:13 PM Me

☹️

Dec 24, 2018 3:02:39 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Right there with you.

Dec 24, 2018 3:03:01 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes) +13038752587

But not going to give in

Dec 24, 2018 3:03:26 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Digging in

Dec 24, 2018 3:04:10 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Happiness will prevail 😃😀😃😃😃😁😆😊🤩

Dec 24, 2018 3:04:29 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Love the power of a smile

Dec 24, 2018 4:04:03 PM Me

Here’s hoping

Dec 24, 2018 4:18:57 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

In the end it’s a choice

Dec 24, 2018 4:19:10 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

And my default is..

Dec 24, 2018 4:19:19 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

That’s is all good

Dec 25, 2018 12:42:00 PM Me

Merry Christmas! 🎄🎅🏼

Dec 25, 2018 12:42:15 PM Me

Say hi to everyone for us

Dec 25, 2018 1:14:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Merry Christmas 🎁🎄

Dec 27, 2018 9:47:54 AM Me

Hey there. How goes in between holidays?

Dec 27, 2018 9:50:48 AM +13038752587

A bit stressful- took Lillian into urgent care with a fever last night. She was not eating and extremely fussy 😩.

Dec 27, 2018 9:51:12 AM +13038752587

No flu or UTI - so yeah

Dec 27, 2018 9:51:55 AM +13038752587

Fever has gone down and she is in full 💤 mode now 😁

Dec 27, 2018 9:52:29 AM +13038752587

We will watch her today and into her Doctor tomorrow

Dec 27, 2018 9:52:54 AM +13038752587

Then I have three projects at deadline

Dec 27, 2018 9:53:02 AM +13038752587

Whoops 4

Dec 27, 2018 10:04:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Glad to hear she’s sleeping and fever is down.

Dec 27, 2018 10:05:17 AM Me

Always hard to handle sick kids when they can’t tell you what hurts and where.

Dec 27, 2018 10:05:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wow! 4 projects on deadline. That’s both good and bad

Dec 27, 2018 10:06:06 AM +13038752587

We were hesitant to bring her in and expose her to germs and testing

Dec 27, 2018 10:06:14 AM Me

That’s smart.

Dec 27, 2018 10:06:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

As long as you can keep the fever in check and keep her hydrated until the fever breaks you should be good

Dec 27, 2018 10:06:48 AM +13038752587

But, we were told many times of fever it’s 100.4 go - for infants

Dec 27, 2018 10:07:31 AM Me

did you mean “good” for infants?

Dec 27, 2018 10:07:45 AM +13038752587

It kept increasing and we learned things can change quickly

Dec 27, 2018 10:08:11 AM Me

yes, can change really fast for little kids. They can spike fevers hard and fast, and they can drop just as quickly

Dec 27, 2018 10:08:26 AM +13038752587

If it is 100.4 or higher - and baby is under 3months - get them checked out immediately

Dec 27, 2018 10:08:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ah, k

Dec 27, 2018 10:09:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

are you guys doing ok?

Dec 27, 2018 10:09:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know its stressful when your little person is sick and you feel helpless

Dec 27, 2018 10:09:24 AM +13038752587

Yes - tired

Dec 27, 2018 10:09:57 AM +13038752587

Put everything in perspective

Dec 27, 2018 10:10:06 AM +13038752587

Puts

Dec 27, 2018 10:10:33 AM +13038752587

2 move sites to divi

Dec 27, 2018 10:11:05 AM +13038752587

1 create new design layout for website

Dec 27, 2018 10:11:36 AM +13038752587

1 new local digital pass for city

Dec 27, 2018 10:13:10 AM Me

Wow! you are busy

Dec 27, 2018 10:27:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m trying to do some work today, but anxiety is getting in the way. I feel like this whole past year has been one large anxiety attack. I’ve not felt relaxed, comfortable and confident since I don’t know when.

Dec 27, 2018 10:28:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I need to make some changes because I can’t keep going on like this.

Dec 27, 2018 10:59:51 AM +13038752587

It’s small daily actions that add up

Dec 27, 2018 11:00:04 AM +13038752587

Both positive and negative

Dec 27, 2018 11:00:14 AM Me

spot on

Dec 27, 2018 11:00:37 AM Me

I’m sitting here on the computer right now afraid and scared

Dec 27, 2018 11:01:11 AM Me

fear is dominating my life, and by extension defining my life

Dec 27, 2018 11:01:29 AM Me

and I can see how it negatively impacts those around me that I love

Dec 27, 2018 11:02:10 AM +13038752587

Are you committed to becoming someone who doesn’t allow fear to run their life?

Dec 27, 2018 11:03:59 AM Me

All I can say to that is “I think so” mainly because fear and anxiety have dominated the scene for me for so long.

Dec 27, 2018 11:04:22 AM Me

I know it can be done

Dec 27, 2018 11:05:14 AM +13038752587

It takes consistently doing the small things

Dec 27, 2018 11:05:30 AM +13038752587

They are priority over everything else

Dec 27, 2018 11:06:40 AM Me

that seems to be the issue for me. small things applied consistently

Dec 27, 2018 11:07:46 AM +13038752587

Sleeping on a regular schedule, eating good food, daily exercise, daily meditation, daily learning, daily time with your family,

Dec 27, 2018 11:08:17 AM +13038752587

Yes it’s the secret for all who seek a better life then were they are

Dec 27, 2018 11:08:29 AM +13038752587

Bb in 15

Dec 27, 2018 11:08:32 AM Me

k

Dec 27, 2018 11:28:15 AM +13038752587

For today - just do the next thing you have to do

Dec 27, 2018 11:41:42 AM Me

right now doing some work. want to clean out my office so I actually want to be in it. Right now it feels overloaded with crap and is not a place where I feel energized or excited to be

Dec 27, 2018 11:42:02 AM Me

I’m sitting in the living room working because I don’t want to sit in the office

Dec 27, 2018 11:42:28 AM +13038752587

Understand that - in living room too

Dec 27, 2018 11:42:31 AM Me

haha

Dec 27, 2018 11:42:42 AM +13038752587

Willow watching cartoon

Dec 27, 2018 11:42:50 AM Me

cool.

Dec 27, 2018 11:42:57 AM +13038752587

Office space high priority

Dec 27, 2018 11:43:21 AM Me

Aidan and Declan are still sleeping upstairs. Darragh is behind me playing xbox. Liz took off to train and ride her bike.

Dec 27, 2018 11:43:23 AM +13038752587

However - right now it’s get work done

Dec 27, 2018 11:43:45 AM Me

yeah, I need to get some things done for work.

Dec 27, 2018 11:43:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then I think I’m going to work on the office

Dec 27, 2018 11:44:02 AM +13038752587

Some qs

Dec 27, 2018 11:44:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sure

Dec 27, 2018 11:44:23 AM +13038752587

Is it easy to manipulate header in divi

Dec 27, 2018 11:44:39 AM +13038752587

Center logo - move navigation

Dec 27, 2018 11:45:54 AM +13038752587

Also do you have a good mock-up builder you use?

Dec 27, 2018 11:46:04 AM Me

look at this:

Dec 27, 2018 11:46:06 AM Me

Elegant Themes Documentation

Dec 27, 2018 11:46:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

mock-ups = prototypes?

Dec 27, 2018 11:46:29 AM +13038752587

Yes

Dec 27, 2018 11:46:43 AM Me

with work they have a subscription to UXPin

Dec 27, 2018 11:46:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.uxpin.com/

Dec 27, 2018 11:47:00 AM Me

Its a good tool

Dec 27, 2018 11:47:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you could try Sketch:

Dec 27, 2018 11:47:36 AM Me

Sketch

Dec 27, 2018 11:47:40 AM +13038752587

Ultimate- site will be a clean and uncluttered design

Dec 27, 2018 11:49:01 AM Me

Let me know if that tutorial doesn’t cover what you want to do

Dec 27, 2018 11:49:02 AM +13038752587

Logo - navigation - image slider- then image navigation for each page - then footer

Dec 27, 2018 11:49:14 AM +13038752587

Ok - thanks

Dec 27, 2018 11:49:37 AM Me

You might need some custom CSS to make it happen, but its not brain surgery.

Dec 27, 2018 11:49:54 AM Me

THing I’ve found is that there are so many people using Divi there are many tuts and sharing out there

Dec 27, 2018 11:50:05 AM Me

I can usually find someone who has done what I’m trying to do

Dec 27, 2018 11:50:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Watched DarrenDaily video today. was pretty good, but in the end a sales pitch.

Dec 27, 2018 11:51:14 AM +13038752587

Focus on message - sales is how he gets to do free stuff - contest is always top notch

Dec 27, 2018 11:52:18 AM +13038752587

Ok - , diving in / text me when your done with Your work - I will show you what I have created 🧐

Dec 27, 2018 11:52:34 AM Me

ok, shouts goo

Dec 29, 2018 11:18:22 AM Me

Hey there, happy Saturday! What did you create the other day?

Dec 29, 2018 12:27:23 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

In process - ended up updating my skill set with divi

Dec 29, 2018 12:41:40 PM Me

👍

Dec 29, 2018 12:42:03 PM Me

Anything cool you’re working on?

Dec 29, 2018 12:48:09 PM +13038752587

Yes

Dec 29, 2018 12:48:32 PM +13038752587

Did you go checkout Longmont city pass?

Dec 29, 2018 12:48:51 PM +13038752587

Cool integration of messenger and mobile wallet

Dec 29, 2018 12:49:07 PM +13038752587

Several chat bots

Dec 29, 2018 12:53:41 PM Me

No, Send me the URL and I will check it out later

Dec 29, 2018 12:57:00 PM +13038752587

Did you install messenger?

Dec 29, 2018 1:24:52 PM Me

Installing now

Dec 29, 2018 1:41:02 PM Me

Ok

Dec 29, 2018 1:43:26 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 22 hours, 50 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Search for

Dec 29, 2018 1:43:34 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 22 hours, 50 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Longmont city pass

Dec 31, 2018 2:27:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, hope the last day of the year is going well for you.

Dec 31, 2018 2:28:05 PM Me

I’m still busy on client work (A+L) but will switch gears soon.

Dec 31, 2018 2:28:38 PM Me

laying low tonight. our friends the Perry’s are coming over for dinner, drinks, and games.

Dec 31, 2018 2:28:59 PM Me

be sure to take your activated charcoal before imbibing tonight! 😊

Dec 31, 2018 2:29:23 PM +13038752587

it is - and for you

Dec 31, 2018 2:30:25 PM +13038752587

just put one project to snooze - my part is done until client reviews and submits some requested parts - Next Year - of course that means later this week LOL

Dec 31, 2018 2:30:54 PM +13038752587

same here- hanging with Jim, Chele and their daughters

Dec 31, 2018 2:31:49 PM +13038752587

not drinking much - tomorrow is the beginning of a 90 day sprint to crush 2019

Dec 31, 2018 2:36:29 PM (Read by them after 24 minutes, 28 seconds) Me

cool.

Dec 31, 2018 2:37:56 PM (Read by them after 24 minutes, 28 seconds) Me

I’ve already started sleeping 7-8 hours the past 2 nights. I need to keep that up forever 😊

Dec 31, 2018 3:31:54 PM +13038752587

Dec 31, 2018 3:32:12 PM +13038752587

Good to hear keep sleeping 💤

Dec 31, 2018 3:32:29 PM +13038752587

Nice cool day of 15 today

Dec 31, 2018 3:32:37 PM +13038752587

Dec 31, 2018 3:32:38 PM Me

Sun setting on the last day of the year.

Dec 31, 2018 3:32:56 PM Me

Need to get outside once today before the sun goes down. Been sitting in front of laptop all day 😟

Dec 31, 2018 3:33:02 PM +13038752587

Cold tomorrow - then back into the 50s

Dec 31, 2018 3:33:11 PM +13038752587

Go do it now

Dec 31, 2018 3:33:40 PM +13038752587

Your laptop will be there when you get back 🤪

Dec 31, 2018 3:34:01 PM Me

haha, oh yes it will 😛

Dec 31, 2018 3:38:29 PM Me

2018 for me was the year of anxiety, doubt, and being tired.

Dec 31, 2018 3:38:42 PM Me

Wait, that’s been like the last 15years

Dec 31, 2018 3:38:47 PM +13038752587

Good thing it’s over

Dec 31, 2018 3:38:55 PM Me

haha

Jan 01, 2019 11:10:03 AM Me

🥳 Happy New Year!

Jan 01, 2019 11:32:31 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 21 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Happy New Year 🎊

Jan 01, 2019 7:53:49 PM (Read by them after 26 minutes, 58 seconds) Me

Hey this might interest you:

Jan 01, 2019 7:53:51 PM (Read by them after 26 minutes, 58 seconds) Me

GDGT Deals

Jan 01, 2019 8:20:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

$59

Jan 02, 2019 9:44:08 AM Me

Hey there, back to the working world today

Jan 02, 2019 10:16:33 AM +13038752587

Hey

Jan 02, 2019 10:16:46 AM +13038752587

Is the six sigma link from you

Jan 02, 2019 10:19:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Jan 02, 2019 10:19:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

saw that last night

Jan 02, 2019 10:20:34 AM +13038752587

cool - I will check it out

Jan 02, 2019 10:22:25 AM +13038752587

check this out

Jan 02, 2019 10:22:50 AM +13038752587

any reason why home is showing twice in nav

Jan 02, 2019 10:22:53 AM +13038752587

https://ci.transilient.net/

Jan 02, 2019 10:23:15 AM +13038752587

only one “home:” page, no “home” posts

Jan 02, 2019 10:27:16 AM +13038752587

I have not created any menus yet

Jan 02, 2019 10:27:29 AM +13038752587

is it a default setting?

Jan 02, 2019 10:28:35 AM +13038752587

figured it out

Jan 02, 2019 10:28:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wow, I’m that powerful 😊

Jan 02, 2019 10:29:02 AM Me

I didn’t even look yet. in a meeting for A&L

Jan 02, 2019 10:29:14 AM +13038752587

cool - check in when done with meeting

Jan 02, 2019 10:29:28 AM Me

k, will do. can answer questions for you if you need.

Jan 02, 2019 10:29:39 AM +13038752587

cool - thanks

Jan 02, 2019 10:52:55 AM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

should I be setting new sites up as child themes on Divi?

Jan 02, 2019 12:02:08 PM Me

hi there, out of meetings

Jan 02, 2019 12:02:11 PM Me

how can I help?

Jan 02, 2019 12:05:14 PM +13038752587

creating 3 new sites - 2 are actual copying over from current sites

Jan 02, 2019 12:05:17 PM +13038752587

one is new

Jan 02, 2019 12:05:26 PM +13038752587

should they br child themes

Jan 02, 2019 12:05:37 PM +13038752587

subworksdeli.com

Jan 02, 2019 12:05:46 PM +13038752587

goodeatsgrill.net

Jan 02, 2019 12:05:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

once they are copied over do they need to depend on one another?

Jan 02, 2019 12:05:57 PM +13038752587

no

Jan 02, 2019 12:05:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jan 02, 2019 12:06:31 PM Me

the idea behind child themes is that you can create custom php and custom css files to overwrite or enhance what the core theme files are doing.

Jan 02, 2019 12:06:50 PM Me

this way when you update the core files, your child theme stays in tact and you don’t lose customizations.

Jan 02, 2019 12:07:18 PM +13038752587

understand - is it best practices and is it necessary

Jan 02, 2019 12:07:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

most of your customization you can do in divi themes tools, but some custom css you’ll need to do by hand because divi doest have the tools to allow the tweaks you want

Jan 02, 2019 12:08:25 PM +13038752587

so - set up child theme or no?

Jan 02, 2019 12:08:48 PM Me

I would, yes. Even if you don’t use it extensively

Jan 02, 2019 12:08:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its good to have so that its easy to do customizations.

Jan 02, 2019 12:10:31 PM +13038752587

ok

Jan 02, 2019 12:10:32 PM Me

subwords type needs to be different sizes

Jan 02, 2019 12:10:40 PM Me

too much uppercase and large

Jan 02, 2019 12:11:01 PM +13038752587

they made some adjustments - I will be cleaning it up

Jan 02, 2019 12:11:08 PM Me

oh, ok

Jan 02, 2019 12:11:25 PM +13038752587

moving all sites to divi for ease of management

Jan 02, 2019 12:11:30 PM Me

good idea

Jan 02, 2019 12:14:22 PM Me

what can i help you with?

Jan 02, 2019 12:14:27 PM Me

you all set now?

Jan 02, 2019 12:24:02 PM +13038752587

for right now

Jan 02, 2019 12:24:08 PM Me

cool

Jan 02, 2019 12:24:25 PM +13038752587

adding child theme and style.css and factions.php files

Jan 02, 2019 12:28:04 PM Me

excellent.

Jan 02, 2019 12:29:16 PM Me

man, another day waking up with anxiety and self-criticism. This is so fucking old, like a broken record. My emotions and nervous system are always wanting to hijack me.

Jan 02, 2019 12:32:17 PM +13038752587

besides getting sleep are you doing a morning routine?

Jan 02, 2019 12:32:45 PM Me

no, but I should

Jan 02, 2019 12:33:39 PM Me

remind me what yours is?

Jan 02, 2019 12:45:33 PM +13038752587

will do in a bit

Jan 02, 2019 12:45:36 PM +13038752587

bb30

Jan 02, 2019 12:45:45 PM Me

ok

Jan 02, 2019 3:05:30 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Sitting in line at car wash

Jan 02, 2019 3:07:07 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Morning Routine...

Jan 02, 2019 3:18:43 PM Me

K

Jan 02, 2019 3:20:19 PM Me

Car wash got you wrapped up?

Jan 02, 2019 3:50:18 PM +13038752587

1. Pee 2. Wash hands 3. Brush teeth left handed 4. Rinse face with cold water 💦 3 times 5. Exercise - 4sets pushups, 4 sets air squats 6. Stretch/yoga 7. Read 8. Journal 9. Appreciation messages 10. Green smoothie 11. Share /teach

Jan 02, 2019 3:50:59 PM +13038752587

I was driving Willow around to get a nap in

Jan 02, 2019 3:51:32 PM +13038752587

Been only hitting 60% of late

Jan 02, 2019 3:51:46 PM +13038752587

On a 90 day march now

Jan 02, 2019 3:55:16 PM +13038752587

Main goal / be in position to buy a new 🏡

Jan 02, 2019 3:56:14 PM +13038752587

Main sub goal is creating a dependable recurring monthly income of $10,000

Jan 02, 2019 3:57:26 PM Me

cool

Jan 02, 2019 3:57:48 PM Me

driving kids to sleep—totally get it.

Jan 02, 2019 3:57:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so 1-11 takes how long on average?

Jan 02, 2019 3:58:07 PM Me

How much time do you “budget” for it?

Jan 02, 2019 3:59:35 PM +13038752587

60-90mins

Jan 02, 2019 3:59:41 PM Me

oh wow

Jan 02, 2019 3:59:53 PM +13038752587

missed meditation

Jan 02, 2019 4:00:01 PM Me

you exercise at home? or go to gym?

Jan 02, 2019 4:00:05 PM +13038752587

yes

Jan 02, 2019 4:00:07 PM +13038752587

for now

Jan 02, 2019 4:00:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

where does meditation fit in?

Jan 02, 2019 4:00:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

at the end?

Jan 02, 2019 4:00:35 PM +13038752587

order I prefer

Jan 02, 2019 4:00:38 PM +13038752587

is...

Jan 02, 2019 4:04:16 PM +13038752587

bathroom stuff, exercise, stretch, meditation, journal (any insights from meditation), read(relevant to life or business growth) - share something learned from what I am reading or meditation, appreciation messages (this is mostly to family ie. thank you honey for doing the laundry last night, I appreciate everything you do, Love Me - recommend you do one for each kid per day - text or sticky note) - green smoothie

Jan 02, 2019 4:04:39 PM +13038752587

only read until I get an aha or insight or revelation

Jan 02, 2019 4:05:36 PM +13038752587

morning exercise is to get your body awake - you may still want to do a workout at gym too

Jan 02, 2019 4:05:53 PM +13038752587

sometime later in the day

Jan 02, 2019 4:06:36 PM Me

k, that’s pretty good.

Jan 02, 2019 4:07:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll ruminate on this and see what I come up with. I definitely should have one. At least it provides some structure to start the day instead of the current, random “shot of of a cannon—good morning!” routine.

Jan 02, 2019 4:15:31 PM +13038752587

if you want to make positive changes in your life a MR is necessary

Jan 02, 2019 4:15:53 PM +13038752587

it sets the stage for the rest of your day - every day

Jan 03, 2019 10:55:28 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Pocket

Jan 03, 2019 10:55:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thought that this was an interesting way to look at your day.

Jan 03, 2019 10:55:40 AM Me

oh and good morning@

Jan 03, 2019 10:55:41 AM Me

!

Jan 03, 2019 11:07:42 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Jan 03, 2019 11:19:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I did a morning routine.

Jan 03, 2019 11:20:35 AM Me

morning vitamins, stretch/excercise, reading, meditation, made coffee

Jan 03, 2019 11:25:58 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Awesome

Jan 03, 2019 11:54:49 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

its a start

Jan 03, 2019 11:55:13 AM Me

I awoke with a great deal of anxiety, and it was trying hard to derail me

Jan 03, 2019 11:55:49 AM +13038752587

All all begins when you start

Jan 03, 2019 11:55:55 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Congratulations

Jan 03, 2019 11:56:09 AM Me

thanks.

Jan 03, 2019 11:56:14 AM Me

I need the help/support

Jan 03, 2019 11:56:35 AM Me

I told Liz about it, and she got on me about drinking coffee and sleep issues

Jan 03, 2019 11:57:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😊

Jan 03, 2019 11:57:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

spouses are very good at reminding you of blind spots

Jan 04, 2019 11:20:27 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey how goes your Friday?

Jan 04, 2019 11:20:49 AM Me

I did the routine again today. Vitamins, stretch, meditate, read.

Jan 04, 2019 12:13:25 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Good

Jan 04, 2019 12:13:27 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Yours

Jan 04, 2019 12:13:30 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

?

Jan 04, 2019 12:13:59 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Saweeet!

Jan 04, 2019 12:14:25 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have a printed calendar 📅 in your office?

Jan 04, 2019 12:36:02 PM Me

No, don’t

Jan 04, 2019 12:44:15 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

I’m going to send you something

Jan 04, 2019 12:45:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Jan 05, 2019 6:41:34 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 15 hours, 25 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

did you get the calendar

Jan 05, 2019 6:41:47 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 15 hours, 25 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

and did you do you MR today/

Jan 06, 2019 5:34:46 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 32 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

How about today?

Jan 07, 2019 11:09:08 AM Me

Hi there. Yes did get calendar and have been doing morning routine. Although weekend was modified a bit

Jan 07, 2019 11:10:57 AM Me

How was your weekend? How is your day going today?

Jan 07, 2019 11:13:37 AM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

In meeting

Jan 07, 2019 11:13:49 AM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

Will reach out after

Jan 07, 2019 11:14:58 AM Me

K, fyi I have a meeting starting at 11am here

Jan 07, 2019 11:15:39 AM +13038752587

K reach out when your done as I will finish mine at that time

Jan 07, 2019 11:20:40 AM Me

Ok

Jan 07, 2019 11:23:44 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Quick meeting- not everything preparedness

Jan 07, 2019 11:27:41 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

a little directions please

Jan 07, 2019 11:28:00 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

site ground hosting

Jan 07, 2019 11:28:02 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Martin M.: Yes, you can that by just pointing the rood director of the domain subworksdeli.com, to the directory that dev,subworksdeli.com uses. Martin M.: And then adjusting the data base url, to use the domain subworksdeli.com instead of the dev.subworksdeli.com Martin M.: That way the site will load as subworksdeli.com

Jan 07, 2019 11:42:20 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

installed divi site at dev.subworks and now want to movie ti to subworks. what is the easiest and fastest way?

Jan 07, 2019 11:42:39 AM Me

Was showering

Jan 07, 2019 11:45:24 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

basically replace current wordpress site with new site

Jan 07, 2019 11:46:18 AM Me

right

Jan 07, 2019 11:47:22 AM Me

if you’re not comfortable doing find/replace in the database (which can be dicey and break things) then I would use a migration/backup plugin.

Jan 07, 2019 11:47:28 AM Me

there are many out there

Jan 07, 2019 11:48:56 AM +13038752587

I thought it was easier

Jan 07, 2019 11:49:05 AM +13038752587

I will just hire it out on fiver.

Jan 07, 2019 11:49:28 AM Me

we’ll it can be “easy” if you do it all the time.

Jan 07, 2019 11:49:44 AM +13038752587

shoot, should have done that already, would shed 45 mins

Jan 07, 2019 11:50:11 AM +13038752587

ok - doing that now

Jan 07, 2019 12:06:10 PM +13038752587

do you know if I can create a cpanel user only on site ground?

Jan 07, 2019 12:06:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes, should be possible.

Jan 07, 2019 12:06:40 PM +13038752587

cool - looking now

Jan 07, 2019 12:07:23 PM +13038752587

btw - you never went through longmont city pass on fb messenger?

Jan 07, 2019 12:07:38 PM +13038752587

this at the heart of what I an working on now

Jan 07, 2019 12:07:57 PM Me

oh, ok. I have not. Been distracted by life

Jan 07, 2019 12:08:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

integration of messenger with digital passes (gift cards, loyalty, tickets etc)

Jan 08, 2019 10:36:32 AM Me

Good morning

Jan 08, 2019 11:41:13 AM +13038752587

Good morning

Jan 08, 2019 11:41:39 AM +13038752587

At lunch now

Jan 08, 2019 11:41:48 AM Me

cool

Jan 08, 2019 11:41:53 AM Me

working away over here

Jan 08, 2019 11:42:18 AM +13038752587

Did you “x” the calendar 🗓

Jan 08, 2019 11:42:22 AM Me

Yes

Jan 08, 2019 11:42:32 AM Me

6 days in a row now

Jan 08, 2019 11:43:01 AM Me

some days slightly modified, but its been consistent.

Jan 08, 2019 11:43:21 AM +13038752587

Excellent- keep it up

Jan 08, 2019 11:43:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I borrowed your left handed teeth brushing, which I find REALLY weird 😊

Jan 08, 2019 11:43:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feel uncoordinated when doing it

Jan 08, 2019 11:44:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

crazy how auto-pilot our dominant hand is

Jan 08, 2019 11:47:07 AM +13038752587

Activates your brain to form new neural pathways

Jan 08, 2019 11:47:19 AM Me

👍

Jan 08, 2019 11:47:35 AM Me

how did your site ground site move go?

Jan 08, 2019 12:38:18 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 23 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Still happening - the messed up a few pages

Jan 08, 2019 12:39:11 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 22 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Should be done

Jan 08, 2019 12:56:55 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 4 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

just checked its completed 😊 don’t know why i don’t use fiverr more - takes 15 to find someone and $5-15 and then its gets done -

Jan 08, 2019 1:22:53 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 38 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

ping me when you avail

Jan 08, 2019 3:45:04 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Any thing pop to mind for...

Jan 08, 2019 3:47:44 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Longmont City Pass is going to be The LOCO Pass - Your offers are always with you - Eat, Drink, Shop,Play & More - thinking of simple logo design in a circle - incorporate the traditional twin peaks that represents Longmont?? Used everywhere

Jan 08, 2019 3:48:15 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Share your thoughts please - creating a design tonight

Jan 08, 2019 4:01:54 PM Me

K, coaching right now

Jan 08, 2019 4:10:48 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 7 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Coaching? Thought you were done

Jan 08, 2019 6:18:24 PM Me

I’m assistant coach for Thacher Varsity Boys

Jan 08, 2019 6:24:23 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Cool

Jan 08, 2019 6:24:37 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

How long have you done that

Jan 08, 2019 6:25:31 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 25 seconds) Me

just this season.

Jan 08, 2019 6:27:58 PM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Any off the top of your mind ideas on logo

Jan 08, 2019 7:27:21 PM +13038752587

Had a thought - main logo and brand is limited by the actual pass layout

Jan 08, 2019 7:28:10 PM Me

The name LOCO pass makes me think about being “loco” = crazy.

Jan 08, 2019 7:28:18 PM Me

The LOCO pass has crazy offers

Jan 08, 2019 7:29:18 PM +13038752587

Visitors bureau already using that- might be to similar

Jan 08, 2019 7:29:31 PM Me

YouTube

Jan 08, 2019 7:29:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.visitlongmont.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Circle-logo_blue-JPG.jpg

Jan 08, 2019 7:29:53 PM +13038752587

That’s the one

Jan 08, 2019 7:30:05 PM +13038752587

Look at bottom of web page

Jan 08, 2019 7:30:46 PM Me

https://twitter.com/VisitLongmont

Jan 08, 2019 7:31:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the loco is everywhere

Jan 08, 2019 7:31:35 PM +13038752587

Very popular in Longmont

Jan 08, 2019 7:31:48 PM +13038752587

Stands for Longmont, Colorado

Jan 08, 2019 7:31:56 PM Me

looked at the bottom of page. what am I missing?

Jan 08, 2019 7:33:59 PM +13038752587

You have it - that is their apparel line

Jan 08, 2019 7:34:37 PM +13038752587

I am willing to scrap the name - only $10

Jan 08, 2019 7:36:19 PM +13038752587

It was confirmed by a branding specialist who does work nation wide and another local mover and shaker

Jan 08, 2019 7:36:36 PM +13038752587

Are you clear on what it is

Jan 08, 2019 7:36:40 PM +13038752587

The pass?

Jan 08, 2019 7:37:33 PM Me

I think so

Jan 08, 2019 7:37:35 PM +13038752587

Other folks are using City name VIP pass

Jan 08, 2019 7:37:51 PM Me

Longmont VIP Pass ??

Jan 08, 2019 7:38:11 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Only about 100 internationally as limited access to technology

Jan 08, 2019 7:39:06 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah dislikes it as she feels a vip pass is different from a local city pass with deals

Jan 08, 2019 7:39:58 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I think vip can work in tourist areas as it was designed originally for that purpose

Jan 08, 2019 7:40:27 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 08, 2019 7:44:51 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 08, 2019 7:46:14 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 25 seconds) Me

who is target market?

Jan 08, 2019 7:47:35 PM Me

VIP for tourists makes sense, but not for locals.

Jan 08, 2019 7:47:56 PM +13038752587

In this case mostly locals

Jan 08, 2019 7:48:20 PM +13038752587

When I do Boulder maybe target tourist

Jan 08, 2019 7:53:36 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

If the city pass works it has a broader market

Jan 08, 2019 7:55:06 PM +13038752587

What I would love to do is sell this to city, chambers or visitor bureaus. I would support for a monthly. So 10-30kset up and 1500-3000mo

Jan 08, 2019 7:55:34 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

They can sell spots and use it as a profit center

Jan 08, 2019 7:56:09 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Full build out will generate 100-150k per year revenue

Jan 08, 2019 7:56:50 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Dishes and bed 🛌 time for kiddos- bb s

Jan 08, 2019 8:04:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jan 09, 2019 11:13:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how goes your day over there?

Jan 09, 2019 11:14:54 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bad night of sleep for me. Slept in late and wasn’t able to get routine in before meetings, which I’m in the middle of now.

Jan 09, 2019 11:15:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

When meetings are done I plan to exercise, meditate and some reading.

Jan 09, 2019 11:59:29 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Let me know when completed

Jan 09, 2019 5:38:30 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Need your opinion

Jan 09, 2019 5:38:53 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 09, 2019 5:40:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Check out image on Facebook page - the loco pass

Jan 09, 2019 5:40:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Rough outline up

Jan 09, 2019 7:07:25 PM Me

I like top left one

Jan 10, 2019 5:10:13 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Checking in - did you do MR today

Jan 10, 2019 5:12:33 PM Me

Yes 👍

Jan 10, 2019 5:13:30 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 49 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

emailing you2 designs - like hate change

Jan 11, 2019 10:12:05 AM Me

Happy Friday! Replied to your email last night

Jan 11, 2019 10:26:01 AM +13038752587

Saw that and replied

Jan 11, 2019 10:27:04 AM +13038752587

Read when you can - share input

Jan 11, 2019 10:27:21 AM +13038752587

Under crunch time on a project

Jan 11, 2019 10:27:37 AM Me

K

Jan 11, 2019 10:27:45 AM Me

Understand that 😁

Jan 11, 2019 10:27:47 AM +13038752587

Are you avail to answer divi as

Jan 11, 2019 10:27:53 AM +13038752587

Questions

Jan 11, 2019 10:27:59 AM Me

Yes

Jan 11, 2019 10:28:05 AM +13038752587

Cool - thanks

Jan 11, 2019 10:28:18 AM +13038752587

Did you do MR?

Jan 11, 2019 10:28:41 AM Me

Doing now

Jan 11, 2019 10:28:47 AM Me

Slept in a bit

Jan 11, 2019 10:29:05 AM +13038752587

Cool

Jan 11, 2019 10:29:45 AM Me

Going to go to coffee shop in town to work today. Picking up boys from school later and want to get out of house a while

Jan 11, 2019 10:30:26 AM +13038752587

Change of environment- always a good idea

Jan 11, 2019 10:32:22 AM Me

Yep

Jan 11, 2019 10:32:38 AM Me

It affects my mind for sure

Jan 11, 2019 10:32:58 AM Me

Feelings of depression have been happening past few days

Jan 11, 2019 10:33:25 AM Me

And high anxiety about future

Jan 11, 2019 10:33:40 AM Me

Mind been time traveling

Jan 11, 2019 10:34:43 AM +13038752587

Let it flow by - don’t grab on to anything

Jan 11, 2019 10:35:16 AM +13038752587

Breathe and bring yourself back to this moment

Jan 11, 2019 10:36:14 AM +13038752587

Then get on whatever you are doing

Jan 11, 2019 10:37:53 AM Me

good suggestion

Jan 11, 2019 12:21:57 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 19 seconds) Me

sometimes I go down the drain/rabbit-holle

Jan 11, 2019 12:21:58 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 54 seconds) Me

Pocket

Jan 11, 2019 12:26:51 PM Me

read this yesterday. you ever heard of this?

Jan 11, 2019 1:00:21 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Was this one of those activities

Jan 11, 2019 1:00:36 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I will check it out later

Jan 11, 2019 1:38:51 PM Me

Not sure what you’re referring to, “those activities”

Jan 11, 2019 1:47:08 PM +13038752587

sometimes I go down the drain/rabbit-holle

Jan 11, 2019 1:47:35 PM +13038752587

Reading the article about time wasting activities

Jan 11, 2019 1:47:43 PM +13038752587

🤪

Jan 11, 2019 1:47:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah, haha

Jan 11, 2019 1:47:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I waste so much time its absurd

Jan 11, 2019 1:48:08 PM Me

at least I feel like its wasting

Jan 11, 2019 1:48:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and then as I reflect on things, I beat myself up for it

Jan 11, 2019 1:48:52 PM +13038752587

I have watched a few webinars where that state - how many webinars have you watched and gotten nothing but lost time / while you are actually engaged in said activity

Jan 11, 2019 1:49:10 PM Me

Right!

Jan 11, 2019 1:49:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OMG

Jan 11, 2019 1:49:16 PM +13038752587

Fuck that - we all do it and then feel a bit guilty

Jan 11, 2019 1:49:32 PM Me

where does that guilt come from?

Jan 11, 2019 1:49:56 PM +13038752587

One - we are procrastinating

Jan 11, 2019 1:50:28 PM +13038752587

Two - someone once said that procrastinating is bad

Jan 11, 2019 1:50:38 PM +13038752587

And we believed it

Jan 11, 2019 1:51:16 PM Me

but everyone feels it

Jan 11, 2019 1:51:21 PM Me

so everyone believed it?

Jan 11, 2019 1:51:27 PM Me

find that hard to process

Jan 11, 2019 1:51:45 PM +13038752587

Well / it’s a conspiracy

Jan 11, 2019 1:52:04 PM +13038752587

The powers at be keeping us small

Jan 11, 2019 1:52:13 PM Me

haha

Jan 11, 2019 1:52:14 PM +13038752587

🧐

Jan 11, 2019 1:52:15 PM Me

right!

Jan 11, 2019 1:52:16 PM +13038752587

🤪

Jan 11, 2019 1:52:53 PM +13038752587

Seriously- it is a believe that it’s bad and we are all conditioned to believe it

Jan 11, 2019 1:53:06 PM Me

right, agreed

Jan 11, 2019 1:57:30 PM +13038752587

The truth, we are not engaged in what we are doing for a myriad of reasons- so we seek a dopamine hit by learning something- so at least there is some justification. The guilt is not about the procrastination, there is perceived guilt and “real” guilt

Jan 11, 2019 1:57:40 PM +13038752587

TBC

Jan 11, 2019 1:57:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jan 11, 2019 4:27:24 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

perceived guilt - Others (wife, boss, people) will disapprove of what I am doing

Jan 11, 2019 4:31:12 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

“real” guilt - I should be doing ‘x’ instead of ...

Jan 11, 2019 4:31:38 PM Me

I feel and experience both

Jan 11, 2019 4:31:55 PM +13038752587

me too

Jan 11, 2019 4:32:01 PM +13038752587

probably most people do

Jan 11, 2019 4:33:16 PM +13038752587

A better question to ask is why am I procrastinating?

Jan 11, 2019 4:33:20 PM +13038752587

not happy with work

Jan 11, 2019 4:33:27 PM +13038752587

not challenging enough

Jan 11, 2019 4:33:39 PM Me

not interesting enough

Jan 11, 2019 4:33:41 PM +13038752587

feelings of insecurity about ability

Jan 11, 2019 4:33:49 PM Me

imposter syndrome

Jan 11, 2019 4:34:11 PM +13038752587

I get that one

Jan 11, 2019 4:34:26 PM +13038752587

and so do some very successful people I know

Jan 11, 2019 4:34:38 PM +13038752587

the difference is they do it anyway

Jan 11, 2019 4:34:40 PM Me

I get it all the time, and its gotten worse as I’ve gotten older

Jan 11, 2019 4:34:52 PM Me

yeah, they say ‘fuck it” and push ahead

Jan 11, 2019 4:34:57 PM Me

most people don’t

Jan 11, 2019 4:35:01 PM +13038752587

exactly

Jan 11, 2019 4:35:19 PM +13038752587

That could be your motto for 2019

Jan 11, 2019 4:35:32 PM Me

“fuck it” and push ahead

Jan 11, 2019 4:35:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

I like it 😊

Jan 12, 2019 11:18:11 AM Me

Happy Saturday! Lots of rain here today.

Jan 12, 2019 11:18:25 AM Me

Supposed to rain Monday–Thursday this week.

Jan 14, 2019 11:07:12 AM Me

Good morning out there. It’s a cloudy rainy windy day here in Southern California. We apparently are going to be like this until Thursday. It’s actually kind of nice, makes me want to sit and do work and not go outside and hike😁

Jan 14, 2019 11:07:23 AM Me

Hope you had a good weekend over there

Jan 14, 2019 11:07:46 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

GM

Jan 14, 2019 11:07:52 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Did you do your MR

Jan 14, 2019 11:08:45 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Rain is nice, especially for us dry climaters

Jan 14, 2019 11:08:58 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Weekend was good - how was yours?

Jan 14, 2019 11:23:17 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

best popup tool for Divi?

Jan 14, 2019 12:21:48 PM Me

hey there, was away for a bit, and I can’t track down my phone.

Jan 14, 2019 12:22:46 PM Me

weekend was alright. got a nice bike ride in yesterday. Didn’t get everything done that I wanted to, but not beating myself up over it.

Jan 14, 2019 12:23:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

when you ask “popup” tool, what are you looking for?

Jan 14, 2019 12:23:44 PM +13038752587

When someone clicks on a page I want a pop up with instructions to appear

Jan 14, 2019 12:28:49 PM Me

mmm... I’ve never had to do a custom one before.

Jan 14, 2019 12:29:04 PM Me

looks like there are some extensions/plugins that help

Jan 14, 2019 12:29:28 PM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

nothing from elegant themes though - right?

Jan 14, 2019 12:30:27 PM (Read by them after 25 seconds) Me

Elegant Themes

Jan 14, 2019 12:30:51 PM Me

found this from them:

Jan 14, 2019 12:30:59 PM Me

was published July 2018

Jan 14, 2019 12:31:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fairly recent.

Jan 14, 2019 12:31:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would lean towards “popup maker”

Jan 14, 2019 12:31:21 PM +13038752587

have you heard of Divilife?

Jan 14, 2019 12:31:45 PM Me

see them in search results, but have not used them before

Jan 14, 2019 12:33:17 PM Me

Divi Life

Jan 14, 2019 12:33:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did a search for “popup” in that link above

Jan 14, 2019 12:43:28 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

rolling with popup maker

Jan 14, 2019 12:43:46 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

another website question

Jan 14, 2019 12:44:30 PM +13038752587

Would you build out a shopify store for 15 products

Jan 14, 2019 12:44:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool. let me know how it goes with that tool. I might use it in the future

Jan 14, 2019 3:05:42 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

pretty decent plugin

Jan 14, 2019 4:29:11 PM +13038752587

I danced around this a few too many times

Jan 14, 2019 4:29:19 PM +13038752587

need you design input please

Jan 14, 2019 4:29:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jan 14, 2019 4:29:33 PM +13038752587

do you have 10 mins

Jan 14, 2019 4:30:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

at the moment no

Jan 14, 2019 4:31:17 PM Me

trying to reply to team member questions and have to take off for an appt in a few. Then back for dinner, then out for school meeting in town, then back to take Declan to soccer practice then home sometime after 9pm 😊

Jan 14, 2019 4:31:32 PM Me

crazy evening for me

Jan 14, 2019 4:31:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

if you can text link I can take a look

Jan 14, 2019 4:31:58 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

ci.transilient.net

Jan 14, 2019 4:36:08 PM +13038752587

Part of me wants to keep it really simple

Jan 14, 2019 4:36:36 PM +13038752587

another part is saying ornate like the atmosphere of business

Jan 14, 2019 4:36:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it can be both ornate and simple

Jan 14, 2019 4:37:04 PM Me

ornate visually, but organized and presented simply

Jan 14, 2019 4:37:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right off the bat I would make the navigation be on the right, logo on the left. Make more room for the cheese image below to be larger

Jan 14, 2019 4:38:11 PM Me

when that loads and I try to scroll, its very weird in the browser.

Jan 14, 2019 4:41:09 PM +13038752587

currently nothing below cheese to scroll to

Jan 14, 2019 4:41:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s ok, make the image be bigger. See the cheese.

Jan 15, 2019 11:37:58 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

good morning

Jan 15, 2019 11:38:08 AM Me

how are you?

Jan 15, 2019 11:43:49 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Gm

Jan 15, 2019 11:43:53 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Good

Jan 15, 2019 11:43:56 AM +13038752587

You?

Jan 15, 2019 11:44:51 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

i’m ok. Raining here. Struggling this morning. Crying, upset and sad. Got caught up in feeling sorry for myself—pitiful.

Jan 15, 2019 11:47:34 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

No judgement will please

Jan 15, 2019 11:48:12 AM +13038752587

You were feeling low, you experienced it. Now that’s over

Jan 15, 2019 11:48:23 AM Me

Been struggling to focus and get work done as well. Feeling VERY distracted by stories I keep telling myself.

Jan 15, 2019 11:48:41 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This is despite the morning routine, meditation, exercise, yoga, etc.

Jan 15, 2019 11:49:02 AM Me

Makes me realize how pervasive this is, and how its infected my whole being.

Jan 15, 2019 11:49:14 AM Me

Going to take some time to work it out of me.

Jan 15, 2019 11:49:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want to let go of the old stories, and create a new one

Jan 15, 2019 11:52:39 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes) +13038752587

Day by day

Jan 15, 2019 11:54:01 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

As for the stories / ok / do it

Jan 15, 2019 11:54:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes, day by day.

Jan 15, 2019 12:09:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

look at this - https://ci.transilient.net/?page_id=141

Jan 15, 2019 1:31:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Looks really good

Jan 15, 2019 1:32:08 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - need to match fonts better to their brand

Jan 15, 2019 1:38:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

that should be pretty easy

Jan 15, 2019 1:49:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wow. Powerful emotions just hit me like a wave. Tears welling up. Just wow.

Jan 15, 2019 1:49:26 PM Me

Like getting hit with a panic attack, but with tears and emotions

Jan 15, 2019 2:00:14 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

What are the emotions from?

Jan 15, 2019 2:02:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I saw something and it made me think about feelings of failure—work, parenting, spouse. It felt like it ran me over.

Jan 15, 2019 2:03:48 PM Me

And listening to binaural beats. Releasing negative emotions audio track.

Jan 15, 2019 2:04:20 PM Me

YouTube

Jan 15, 2019 2:04:43 PM Me

don’t know if you’ve ever tried binaural beats but they have an effect on me.

Jan 15, 2019 2:30:39 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

I have a little

Jan 15, 2019 2:30:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sounds like a good release

Jan 15, 2019 2:30:59 PM Me

I find them pretty effective

Jan 16, 2019 11:26:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, happy wednesday! big rain day here today. Rain starting around 1pm and should get about 3 inches in 24 hours.

Jan 16, 2019 11:27:16 AM +13038752587

wow - nice winter watering

Jan 16, 2019 11:27:32 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

do you know any woo commerce experts

Jan 16, 2019 12:14:38 PM (Read by them after 24 seconds) Me

not off hand

Jan 16, 2019 12:14:41 PM (Read by them after 22 seconds) Me

what you need?

Jan 16, 2019 1:25:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

a woo commerce pro

Jan 16, 2019 1:28:17 PM Me

No one specific comes to mind. Might be a fiver deal

Jan 16, 2019 1:28:57 PM +13038752587

hesitant to use fiver of something this customized

Jan 16, 2019 1:29:12 PM +13038752587

developer I was working with went MIA

Jan 16, 2019 1:29:16 PM +13038752587

hope she is alright

Jan 16, 2019 1:29:27 PM Me

I know some people, but none of them are two commerce pros that I know of

Jan 16, 2019 1:29:42 PM Me

How long mia?

Jan 16, 2019 1:29:49 PM +13038752587

8 days

Jan 16, 2019 1:30:29 PM Me

Yeah that’s a little long. But I know I’ve let people wait seven days sometimes 10 before replying on non-critical matters

Jan 16, 2019 1:30:57 PM +13038752587

she may be on vacation

Jan 16, 2019 1:31:08 PM Me

Just depends on what’s going on, and what projects pop up, I should say emergencies not projects

Jan 16, 2019 1:31:15 PM +13038752587

reached out to namer

Jan 16, 2019 1:31:15 PM Me

Is she she oversees?

Jan 16, 2019 1:31:25 PM +13038752587

naumeer

Jan 16, 2019 1:31:37 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

he will look at it tomorrow and let me know

Jan 16, 2019 1:31:45 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

yes - india

Jan 16, 2019 1:48:35 PM Me

Cool. I’m off to lunchtime. Working rest of day, have lots to do

Jan 16, 2019 1:48:56 PM +13038752587

did you do you MR

Jan 16, 2019 1:48:57 PM Me

Plus rain is coming at 3pm, hard ☔️

Jan 16, 2019 1:49:17 PM Me

Not all of it, parts of it

Jan 17, 2019 2:08:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, how goes your Thursday?

Jan 17, 2019 2:08:42 PM Me

woke up today with a mind more clear than its been in a very long time

Jan 17, 2019 2:08:45 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

progressing slowly

Jan 17, 2019 2:08:50 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

sweet

Jan 17, 2019 2:08:56 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

did you do MR

Jan 17, 2019 2:09:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I am rebuilding the LOCO Pass bot today

Jan 17, 2019 2:09:35 PM Me

Yes, did MR. vitamins, exercise, meditation, reading and coffee

Jan 17, 2019 2:09:47 PM +13038752587

It is really exciting that everybody is digging it

Jan 17, 2019 2:09:55 PM Me

oh and brushing teeth with left hand

Jan 17, 2019 2:10:04 PM Me

that’s great news!

Jan 17, 2019 2:10:10 PM Me

to hear that people are into it

Jan 17, 2019 2:10:19 PM +13038752587

yes -

Jan 17, 2019 2:10:42 PM Me

my clear headedness is helping me not get bogged down in my mental stories.

Jan 17, 2019 2:11:02 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 54 seconds) +13038752587

plus having the chops to promote it on FB helps - people are finally getting that digital , Facebook and technology are the way to reach their audience

Jan 17, 2019 2:13:10 PM Me

yeah, things like that take time.

Jan 17, 2019 2:13:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

people see the power when they are targeted in FB

Jan 17, 2019 2:13:25 PM Me

they wonder how the ads know what they are into

Jan 17, 2019 2:15:17 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

emailing you an image - any ideas how to keep the feel but give it an update?

Jan 17, 2019 2:15:34 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

actually go to ci.transilient.net and see the logo

Jan 17, 2019 2:30:10 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 2:30:12 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Like or no

Jan 17, 2019 2:31:49 PM Me

no mountains?

Jan 17, 2019 2:32:11 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

seems like it is to busy with mins

Jan 17, 2019 2:32:21 PM Me

even if they are tinted?

Jan 17, 2019 2:32:47 PM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Let me have him add them

Jan 17, 2019 2:33:22 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Blue outer ring still needs to pop more - probably add gradient

Jan 17, 2019 2:33:47 PM Me

if you do that, you need to not have gradients in the middle background. Too many gradients

Jan 17, 2019 2:34:23 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Ahh - what do you recommend to get it to pop

Jan 17, 2019 2:34:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

typically contrast = pop

Jan 17, 2019 2:34:58 PM Me

dark/light, 2 colors on opposite sides of a color wheel

Jan 17, 2019 2:35:57 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

check out colorado state flag colors - could be cool to incorporate them - blue is dark

Jan 17, 2019 2:43:40 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

so add the mountains under logo layer tinted?

Jan 17, 2019 2:43:56 PM Me

yes, tinted or screened back

Jan 17, 2019 2:49:02 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Should LOCO pass be White?

Jan 17, 2019 2:49:08 PM Me

yes

Jan 17, 2019 3:21:13 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:21:30 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:24:41 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:24:52 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:28:21 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:28:34 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:33:49 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:34:19 PM Me

The last one

Jan 17, 2019 3:35:04 PM +13038752587

Now, I need mountains that are more representative of our mountain horizon

Jan 17, 2019 3:35:15 PM +13038752587

trying on more variation

Jan 17, 2019 3:35:25 PM Me

K

Jan 17, 2019 3:39:25 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:43:14 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:54:04 PM +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:56:35 PM +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:58:09 PM +13038752587

Jan 17, 2019 3:58:16 PM +13038752587

Ok, overall thoughts

Jan 17, 2019 3:58:38 PM +13038752587

Colors, design, fonts

Jan 17, 2019 3:59:02 PM +13038752587

Is the car there?

Jan 17, 2019 3:59:16 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

whoops - meant for Mom

Jan 17, 2019 4:35:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I like the last 3

Jan 17, 2019 4:36:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

3rd one up is my favorite. Large, continuous mountains.

Jan 18, 2019 11:58:57 AM (Read by them after 22 seconds) Me

hope you’re doing well today.

Jan 18, 2019 1:47:18 PM (Read by them after 23 seconds) Me

hows the logo going?

Jan 18, 2019 2:31:36 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Stand still - not finding mtns

Jan 18, 2019 2:31:51 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Deciding on fonts??

Jan 18, 2019 3:01:44 PM Me

just off call. fonts?

Jan 18, 2019 3:04:30 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Typeface

Jan 18, 2019 3:07:29 PM Me

I gave you a the names of some a few days ago

Jan 21, 2019 10:38:21 AM (Read by them after 39 seconds) Me

Happy Monday and MLK Day. Hope you had a good weekend.

Jan 21, 2019 10:47:56 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Monday

Jan 21, 2019 10:48:05 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

I did - did you?

Jan 21, 2019 10:48:33 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

I’m not digging the logo - here is a new version

Jan 21, 2019 10:49:27 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 21, 2019 10:52:16 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Here are the two fonts you sent - should we only one for both the text in circle and the LOCO Pass?

Jan 21, 2019 10:52:18 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

https://fonts.google.com/specimen/Fascinate+Inline

Jan 21, 2019 10:52:30 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

https://fonts.google.com/specimen/Alfa+Slab+One

Jan 21, 2019 11:10:07 AM Me

Yes, did the MR

Jan 21, 2019 11:10:23 AM Me

I see what you mean on logo

Jan 21, 2019 11:11:05 AM Me

the solid blue part is causing issues for me. The mountains “stacked” on top of the logotype. I would screen the mountains and put them behind the text

Jan 21, 2019 11:11:31 AM +13038752587

Changing outer circle to green

Jan 21, 2019 11:11:42 AM Me

I would use the slab typeface first for both and see what you get

Jan 21, 2019 11:11:45 AM Me

keep it simple

Jan 21, 2019 11:11:59 AM Me

more things = more visual noice, especially as smaller sizes

Jan 21, 2019 11:14:44 AM +13038752587

When you say screen the mountains - do you mean change opacity?

Jan 21, 2019 11:15:24 AM Me

yes, tint them so they are visible but are “lightly visible” in the background. Put the typography in the center on top of the mountains—make sense?

Jan 21, 2019 11:15:35 AM +13038752587

yes

Jan 21, 2019 11:15:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

👍

Jan 21, 2019 11:18:46 AM Me

I’m finding yoga and meditation to be really good. Need more of both, and more sleep

Jan 21, 2019 11:21:33 AM +13038752587

That’s great! Keep doing them in the morning. Sleep is most likely the # 1 thing - you probably already know your ideal amount, so have a bed time and an awake time.

Jan 21, 2019 11:21:52 AM Me

working on that this week

Jan 21, 2019 11:21:59 AM Me

working to change my patterns

Jan 21, 2019 11:22:53 AM +13038752587

There are several 10 min meditations. you can do an additional session or two through out the day - say at lunch break or around 3

Jan 21, 2019 11:23:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

by the time my birthday rolls around I want to feel better overall.

Jan 21, 2019 11:23:46 AM Me

yes, I have an app on my phone, Simple Habit, that presents many 5-10 min meditations on a wide variety of topics, overthinking, anxiety, stress, etc.

Jan 21, 2019 11:23:50 AM Me

so far so goo

Jan 21, 2019 11:23:51 AM +13038752587

great goal - keep doing the daily routines

Jan 21, 2019 11:24:04 AM Me

Sometimes I’ll do more than one

Jan 21, 2019 11:24:05 AM (Read by them after 38 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jan 21, 2019 11:24:38 AM Me

this is the yoga channel on youtube I’ve been using. I like her videos and she has LOTS:

Jan 21, 2019 11:34:22 AM +13038752587

cool -

Jan 21, 2019 11:35:21 AM +13038752587

in the logo - how do you feel about not having the three stars on each side of “Longmont”

Jan 21, 2019 11:35:59 AM Me

you can drop them IMO.

Jan 21, 2019 11:36:04 AM Me

more “noise”

Jan 21, 2019 11:36:15 AM +13038752587

That is what I was thinking too

Jan 21, 2019 11:36:53 AM +13038752587

ok - when I have new version - I will send it to you - probably about 30 mins

Jan 21, 2019 11:36:59 AM Me

k

Jan 21, 2019 11:38:16 AM Me

somewhat of an aside. I find it very challenging to keep myself positive and feel good. I’ve been looking for things/people outside of me to make me feel those things, and looking for validation from those things as well. My internal lack of confidence and inability to feel “sure” about things feeds this.

Jan 21, 2019 11:39:13 AM Me

its confusing to me at this age that I am not sure of myself—why? I read lots of things that say people of “our age” should be well settled in these areas

Jan 21, 2019 11:44:07 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

1 - don’t believe the hype

Jan 21, 2019 11:44:16 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 40 seconds) +13038752587

😊

Jan 21, 2019 11:46:30 AM +13038752587

2 - I think many people question these things, especially around landmark birthdays

Jan 21, 2019 11:47:09 AM Me

my anxiety about my upcoming birthday has already started :-\

Jan 21, 2019 11:47:15 AM +13038752587

3 - looking to things and comparing to others is not beneficial

Jan 21, 2019 11:47:22 AM Me

1, got it

Jan 21, 2019 11:47:25 AM +13038752587

Stop it

Jan 21, 2019 11:47:27 AM Me

2, agreed

Jan 21, 2019 11:47:31 AM Me

3, agreed

Jan 21, 2019 11:50:16 AM +13038752587

Seriously - the only reason you have anxiety about turning 50 is you have believes and ideas of what that means and where you should be. These are constructs of you mind. and you can construct any believe you want

Jan 21, 2019 11:50:36 AM Me

wow, thank you for that

Jan 21, 2019 11:50:40 AM Me

spot ot

Jan 21, 2019 11:50:41 AM Me

on

Jan 21, 2019 11:50:53 AM Me

comparing myself to others

Jan 21, 2019 11:52:49 AM +13038752587

I suggest you start keeping a gratitude journal - every night right down - hold on I am going to see if I can find the TED talk I like about this

Jan 21, 2019 11:53:21 AM Me

great idea, thanks for suggesting and looking that up. I’ll watch it and start tonight.

Jan 21, 2019 11:53:40 AM Me

my worry and anxiety is interfering with my ability to focus and work.

Jan 21, 2019 11:55:21 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

https://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work?inf_contact_key=383df6c3ba53665942bce09f732b098ee276e04011d90bc4afd2c80165f3b68d#t-651814

Jan 21, 2019 12:32:46 PM +13038752587

Jan 21, 2019 12:33:15 PM +13038752587

Next is putting mtns behind the loco pass text

Jan 21, 2019 12:33:28 PM Me

thanks for that link

Jan 21, 2019 12:33:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

kind of like the green. what if mountains were green and circle was blue?

Jan 21, 2019 12:33:59 PM Me

because mountains are green, and never blue 😊

Jan 21, 2019 12:34:20 PM Me

and I do like that typeface, solid and strong

Jan 21, 2019 12:34:29 PM Me

will be legible at smaller sizes

Jan 21, 2019 12:40:03 PM +13038752587

I am having him move mtns now and text - can play with colors next

Jan 21, 2019 12:40:54 PM Me

k, going to step away for a bit. Back around 1pm for about 30mins and then out around 2pm until about 5:30pm (coaching soccer with Thacher, away game)

Jan 21, 2019 12:41:22 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

ok

Jan 21, 2019 12:42:19 PM Me

i’ll have my phone on me

Jan 21, 2019 12:53:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 21, 2019 1:15:01 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 58 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 21, 2019 4:15:14 PM Me

Like it. I would make mountains larger and bleed off the sides (cropped off). Mountains should stick out up top

Jan 22, 2019 9:29:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

good morning. hope its going well out there. up “early” and working. darragh is home sick. there is a cold going around and not feeling super awesome myself, but pushing on with work 😊

Jan 22, 2019 9:33:58 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Gm -did you MR?

Jan 22, 2019 9:34:22 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Kids colds - been through a few this season

Jan 22, 2019 10:33:25 AM Me

I did do MR, you?

Jan 22, 2019 10:34:02 AM Me

Struggling with self doubt this morning and trying to just observe and not succumb

Jan 22, 2019 10:34:50 AM Me

Darren daily has a podcast now

Jan 22, 2019 10:35:18 AM +13038752587

Yes

Jan 22, 2019 10:35:42 AM +13038752587

Get into action- stay out of your mind 😀

Jan 22, 2019 10:35:46 AM +13038752587

Cool

Jan 22, 2019 10:36:00 AM +13038752587

Did you see email with logos

Jan 22, 2019 10:50:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no, I’ll look now

Jan 22, 2019 12:06:26 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

any thoughts

Jan 22, 2019 12:15:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Like the first one with the mountains.

Jan 22, 2019 12:15:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would move LOCO up so that its vertically centered. Its ok that its above the mountains, but if the mountains can move up with the type thats the best.

Jan 22, 2019 12:16:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hope that helps

Jan 22, 2019 12:16:14 PM +13038752587

cool - how do I get it to layer properly - right now it shows sunburst behind it and it exceeds the margins of the circle

Jan 22, 2019 12:16:38 PM Me

photoshop or illustrator?

Jan 22, 2019 12:16:51 PM +13038752587

illustrator

Jan 22, 2019 12:18:03 PM +13038752587

side not _ I sent you an email to get an ebook - it screamed your name to me

Jan 22, 2019 12:18:18 PM Me

need to create a shape that sits on top in the shape of what you want to clip. Select that shape and what you want to clip. Then select right click, and “make clipping path”

Jan 22, 2019 12:18:21 PM Me

that should do it.

Jan 22, 2019 12:18:25 PM Me

what email address?

Jan 22, 2019 12:18:41 PM +13038752587

gmail

Jan 22, 2019 12:18:47 PM Me

I see it

Jan 23, 2019 11:25:52 AM Me

happy wednesday

Jan 23, 2019 11:25:58 AM Me

hope its going well

Jan 23, 2019 11:26:17 AM +13038752587

Indeed - happy Wednesday

Jan 23, 2019 11:26:22 AM +13038752587

It is

Jan 23, 2019 11:26:28 AM +13038752587

How about you?

Jan 23, 2019 5:06:24 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 21 seconds) Me

its going. not felt good all day. Darragh’s been home with a cold the past few days, declan has the sniffles, and I think I may be about to get sick.

Jan 23, 2019 5:07:04 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

I was able to get that book you recommended on Audible. We have an audible acct and I was able to download the whole thing, 4.5 hours long

Jan 23, 2019 5:09:28 PM +13038752587

Vitamin c high doses

Jan 23, 2019 5:09:49 PM +13038752587

Cool - I will start reading tomorrow

Jan 23, 2019 5:10:15 PM Me

36 reviews all 5 stars.

Jan 23, 2019 5:10:39 PM Me

I’m betting that I’ve either heard, or lived much of what he’ll share.

Jan 23, 2019 5:11:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

and that he phrases it a certain way, or packages it and that makes the difference. Finding that more and more.

Jan 23, 2019 5:16:56 PM +13038752587

Be open to what you hear without preconceived ideas. It slants your viewpoint

Jan 23, 2019 5:17:11 PM Me

good point 👍

Jan 24, 2019 9:29:47 AM Me

Good morning

Jan 24, 2019 9:30:52 AM Me

Worn down and exhausted

Jan 24, 2019 9:32:50 AM Me

Not feeling great today. May take a sick day, mental health day

Jan 24, 2019 9:50:56 AM (Read by them after 19 minutes, 56 seconds) Me

Weird. my last message that went through is green. like your connection is offline

Jan 24, 2019 10:06:21 AM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 31 seconds) Me

is your phone offline?

Jan 24, 2019 10:11:20 AM +13038752587

Just came online

Jan 24, 2019 10:11:37 AM +13038752587

Good morning

Jan 24, 2019 10:11:50 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Did you do MR

Jan 24, 2019 10:17:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

was just in a meeting and someone was AWOL.

Jan 24, 2019 10:18:04 AM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

I can now go about the MR. Got up late because I’ve not been feeling well.

Jan 24, 2019 10:18:30 AM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

Everyday I’ve had my head bobbing in middle of day—tired

Jan 24, 2019 10:33:31 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - let me know when it’s done

Jan 25, 2019 10:54:32 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 17 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Friday

Jan 25, 2019 10:54:46 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 17 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

MR?

Jan 25, 2019 12:50:01 PM Me

Hey 👋

Jan 25, 2019 12:50:06 PM Me

Happy Friday

Jan 25, 2019 12:50:12 PM Me

Yes on MR

Jan 25, 2019 12:50:32 PM Me

Have only missed a handful of days this month

Jan 25, 2019 12:50:46 PM Me

Meaning partial completion

Jan 25, 2019 12:55:44 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Good

Jan 25, 2019 12:56:04 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get the cold from Darragh

Jan 25, 2019 1:11:45 PM Me

I got a flavor of it

Jan 25, 2019 1:13:03 PM +13038752587

Did you start listening to the new book

Jan 25, 2019 2:44:56 PM Me

Yes indeed

Jan 26, 2019 3:26:02 PM Me

Happy Saturday! Did you do your MR today?

Jan 26, 2019 3:35:44 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Need to stretch

Jan 26, 2019 3:35:48 PM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

You?

Jan 26, 2019 3:36:44 PM Me

Yes. All done with extra meditation

Jan 26, 2019 3:48:43 PM +13038752587

Cool

Jan 26, 2019 3:48:47 PM +13038752587

Good job

Jan 26, 2019 3:49:11 PM Me

Struggling with anxiety big time today

Jan 26, 2019 4:07:06 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - remind me of the first 5 lessons in beginning if book

Jan 26, 2019 4:15:58 PM +13038752587

Fresh air, dogs 🐕, touch ???

Jan 26, 2019 4:16:09 PM +13038752587

What were the others

Jan 26, 2019 4:16:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Jan 26, 2019 4:16:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

movement

Jan 26, 2019 4:16:49 PM Me

basically ways to distract.

Jan 26, 2019 4:16:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and breathing

Jan 26, 2019 4:16:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

THAT helps

Jan 26, 2019 4:17:27 PM +13038752587

Right deep belly breathing

Jan 26, 2019 4:18:39 PM +13038752587

And remember “there is nothing wrong with you” physically

Jan 26, 2019 4:18:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right

Jan 26, 2019 4:18:54 PM Me

but it sure does feel like it 😊

Jan 26, 2019 4:19:05 PM Me

I’m about to head out and go to soccer practice

Jan 26, 2019 4:19:16 PM Me

will be outside, breathing, moving, etc.

Jan 26, 2019 4:19:18 PM Me

will be good

Jan 26, 2019 4:19:25 PM +13038752587

Perfect

Jan 28, 2019 10:53:49 AM Me

Hey it’s Monday

Jan 28, 2019 10:53:53 AM Me

How are you?

Jan 28, 2019 10:54:11 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

👋

Jan 28, 2019 10:54:29 AM +13038752587

Think I’m getting Willows cold / feel the fever

Jan 28, 2019 10:54:29 AM Me

Do your MR?

Jan 28, 2019 10:54:39 AM +13038752587

Yes

Jan 28, 2019 10:54:41 AM Me

Oh no

Jan 28, 2019 10:54:49 AM Me

Sorry to hear that

Jan 28, 2019 10:55:19 AM Me

My body and mind are telling me they are very very tired

Jan 28, 2019 10:55:27 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Got the shoveling done ✅

Jan 28, 2019 10:55:45 AM Me

Not garden variety, but deep fatigue

Jan 28, 2019 10:56:09 AM Me

Is that photo from last night?

Jan 28, 2019 10:56:26 AM +13038752587

This morning about 6:30

Jan 28, 2019 10:56:36 AM Me

Wow

Jan 28, 2019 10:57:49 AM Me

Still snowing?

Jan 28, 2019 10:58:44 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Just started again - not expecting much more

Jan 28, 2019 10:59:41 AM Me

Cool.

Jan 28, 2019 11:00:44 AM Me

I listened to my audiobook while doing my walk on the track. The two for one on the MR

Jan 28, 2019 11:09:52 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet

Jan 28, 2019 11:10:16 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 28, 2019 11:44:33 AM Me

👍

Jan 29, 2019 10:57:16 AM Me

Good morning. MR almost done, just meditation left. How about you?

Jan 29, 2019 11:55:58 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Same - meditation 🧘‍♀️

Jan 30, 2019 9:53:07 AM (Read by them after 1 hour, 35 minutes, 45 seconds) Me

hey there. how goes your wednesday?

Jan 30, 2019 11:32:27 AM +13038752587

Good -

Jan 30, 2019 11:32:34 AM +13038752587

How about you?

Jan 30, 2019 11:40:13 AM Me

its ok. I’m alive and awake 😊

Jan 30, 2019 11:40:40 AM +13038752587

Then it is a wonderful day

Jan 30, 2019 11:40:47 AM Me

haha, yes.

Jan 30, 2019 11:41:01 AM +13038752587

Let the fun begin

Jan 30, 2019 11:41:22 AM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

I’ve been SO terrible at going to be at night and I am paying the price BIG time.

Jan 30, 2019 11:41:36 AM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

I can feel the cognitive impact

Jan 30, 2019 11:42:09 AM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

its why things feel “bleh”

Jan 30, 2019 11:42:48 AM +13038752587

Ok - so change your behavior- go to bed a time that allows you to get adequate sleep

Jan 30, 2019 11:42:54 AM Me

yes

Jan 30, 2019 11:43:02 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

No bs - no excuses

Jan 30, 2019 11:43:40 AM +13038752587

In meeting for 30

Jan 30, 2019 11:43:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

coool

Jan 30, 2019 11:43:47 AM +13038752587

Bb after

Jan 30, 2019 11:43:48 AM Me

I agree

Jan 30, 2019 11:43:49 AM Me

k

Jan 31, 2019 1:07:56 PM Me

Hey there, how are you?

Jan 31, 2019 1:49:46 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Blah

Jan 31, 2019 1:49:52 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Stomachache

Jan 31, 2019 1:50:25 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Think it’s part of Willow cold

Jan 31, 2019 1:59:19 PM Me

So sorry

Jan 31, 2019 2:01:05 PM Me

Woke up with splitting headache. Back to bed for 2.5 hours. Been up about 1.5 hours and have done MR. slight hint of headache. Have teacher meeting for Darragh at 2:30 and otherwise doing work while the rainstorm moves by

Jan 31, 2019 2:02:11 PM Me

Just had a good talk with Aidan. Had a dream that made me relive time from 4 years ago when I was deeply depressed and not able to be a good dad

Jan 31, 2019 2:02:23 PM Me

To him

Jan 31, 2019 2:02:36 PM +13038752587

Heading into meeting - good to hear

Jan 31, 2019 2:02:36 PM Me

Was a good talk

Jan 31, 2019 2:02:49 PM +13038752587

Bb in about 1 hr

Jan 31, 2019 2:02:52 PM Me

K

Feb 01, 2019 10:27:48 AM Me

Good morning 🌞

Feb 01, 2019 10:27:53 AM Me

Happy Friday

Feb 01, 2019 11:02:38 AM (Read by you after 41 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Feb 01, 2019 11:03:46 AM +13038752587

Mostly back to feeling better- strange stomach bug-fever yesterday. Now actual stomachache sporadically

Feb 01, 2019 11:03:54 AM +13038752587

How ties your Friday

Feb 01, 2019 11:04:43 AM Me

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so crummy

Feb 01, 2019 11:04:52 AM Me

Hopefully will pass soon

Feb 01, 2019 11:05:32 AM Me

I’m doing ok. Feel like I have more to do than can be done in one day. Actually have that feeling many days.

Feb 01, 2019 11:05:47 AM +13038752587

Hopefully sometime today - I seem to get over tings in about 24 hrs

Feb 01, 2019 11:06:04 AM Me

Have kept up morning routine. Its sometimes broken up a bit but I get all the items done

Feb 01, 2019 11:06:50 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Good - I slept in a bit today - will get my done soon

Feb 01, 2019 11:07:33 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

If your like me, you put more on your schedule than can be done in a day

Feb 01, 2019 11:11:34 AM Me

slept in a bit too. yesterday until 11am

Feb 01, 2019 11:11:44 AM Me

I always have more than I can do. My list is long

Feb 01, 2019 11:12:23 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Tomorrow we’re supposed to have hard rain all day. Planning on sitting in my office and cleaning it. I have papers and shit everywhere. Not a space conducive to having a clear, calm mind.

Feb 01, 2019 11:12:36 AM Me

Its such a mess that I really don’t like being in here to work.

Feb 01, 2019 11:12:49 AM Me

its like the stuff is calling out to me “pick me up, put me away”

Feb 01, 2019 11:25:03 AM +13038752587

It is 😆

Feb 01, 2019 11:25:26 AM +13038752587

Feb 01, 2019 11:25:37 AM +13038752587

My temporary office is a mess too

Feb 01, 2019 11:26:15 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

I just traded some work for office space at a cowork place

Feb 01, 2019 11:26:22 AM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Move in on Monday

Feb 01, 2019 11:26:46 AM Me

Feb 01, 2019 11:26:51 AM Me

Sweet

Feb 01, 2019 11:27:31 AM +13038752587

Not too bad - my garage office and garage is a disaster

Feb 01, 2019 11:27:41 AM +13038752587

Hence the kitchen table

Feb 01, 2019 11:27:59 AM Me

I work at kitchen table sometimes when I can’t sit in that

Feb 02, 2019 12:41:03 PM Me

How is your Saturday going?

Feb 02, 2019 12:41:21 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Good

Feb 02, 2019 12:41:24 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Yours

Feb 02, 2019 12:42:00 PM Me

Rainy, hard to motivate myself.

Feb 02, 2019 12:42:02 PM +13038752587

Sent you a message on messenger- did you get it

Feb 02, 2019 12:42:19 PM Me

Want to clean office and not inspired

Feb 02, 2019 12:42:25 PM +13038752587

Rain ☔️ so relaxing and calming

Feb 02, 2019 12:42:27 PM Me

No on sesame

Feb 02, 2019 12:42:58 PM Me

On message

Feb 02, 2019 12:51:40 PM +13038752587

Put on American Beauty - and step into action

Feb 02, 2019 12:52:10 PM Me

good suggestion. getting some food and then going to get to it.

Feb 02, 2019 12:52:44 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Check FB messenger- it’s shows message delivered

Feb 02, 2019 12:53:19 PM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

It will say - “the LOCO Pass”

Feb 04, 2019 12:23:26 PM (Read by them after 33 seconds) Me

hey there, happy monday. hope the Super Bowl didn’t bore you too much

Feb 04, 2019 12:24:16 PM +13038752587

Hey

Feb 04, 2019 12:24:33 PM +13038752587

Hate to see a team mistake it away

Feb 04, 2019 12:24:40 PM Me

Yep

Feb 04, 2019 12:25:23 PM +13038752587

Ultimately not that invested in it - first game I watched this season

Feb 04, 2019 12:25:34 PM Me

same. I don’t watch nfl

Feb 04, 2019 12:26:24 PM +13038752587

Reminded me to not spend time doing things that are not moving me in the direction I want to go

Feb 04, 2019 12:26:29 PM Me

I spent more time talking with people than watching the game. There was one stretch where I thought Rams were going to make a run, but then that fizzled.

Feb 04, 2019 12:28:13 PM +13038752587

We had a small family gathering at Barry’s which was good. The game served as an excuse to get together- which is good

Feb 04, 2019 12:29:16 PM Me

cool. we were up at the Perry’s house with about 20’ish people. Was a nice party, but a bad game. People came and went because it failed to capture peoples attention

Feb 04, 2019 12:29:21 PM (Read by them after 33 seconds) Me

Imagine I don’t feel well because of my margaritas last night. Thankfully I took charcoal so its not too bad.

Feb 04, 2019 12:32:25 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Good call

Feb 04, 2019 12:41:20 PM (Read by them after 33 seconds) Me

still feel *off* a bit tho. This week/month is a new start for me. I made the Super Bowl a line in the sand for me with some self care issues.

Feb 04, 2019 12:42:08 PM Me

better sleep, better eating controls in the evening.

Feb 04, 2019 12:42:28 PM Me

not eating shit late at night (sweet tooth cravings)

Feb 04, 2019 12:42:40 PM +13038752587

Awesome

Feb 04, 2019 12:43:00 PM Me

This week will be a challenge for me. Need some help with accountability 😊

Feb 04, 2019 12:43:42 PM +13038752587

Cool - email me your targets. I will check in with you

Feb 04, 2019 1:35:07 PM (Read by them after 33 seconds) Me

in bed every day no later than midnight—preferably 11pm

Feb 04, 2019 1:35:18 PM (Read by them after 32 seconds) Me

No snacking/eating after 9pm

Feb 04, 2019 1:35:37 PM (Read by them after 33 seconds) Me

if I can do those 2 things consistently I should see some change

Feb 04, 2019 1:36:49 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

And MR

Feb 04, 2019 9:34:17 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

It’s 8:30 - no more snacks

Feb 04, 2019 9:34:53 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Bed time within next two hours

Feb 04, 2019 9:43:00 PM (Read by them after 35 seconds) Me

Wow. Excellent. that’s damn accountability

Feb 05, 2019 9:09:26 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 1 minute, 1 second) +13038752587

It’s 8 - no more snacks. Bedtime within next 2 hours

Feb 06, 2019 9:24:07 PM +13038752587

It’s 8:25 no more snacks. Bedtime within next 2 hours

Feb 06, 2019 9:24:56 PM Me

Thanks!

Feb 07, 2019 9:27:03 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

It’s your reminder - no snacks, bed within 2hours

Feb 07, 2019 9:29:33 PM Me

👍

Feb 25, 2019 10:53:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, hope you are doing well. 😊 haven’t heard from you in a bit and wanted to say HI!

Feb 25, 2019 10:53:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Lots been going on here.

Feb 25, 2019 11:07:50 AM (Read by you after 54 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

Feb 25, 2019 11:08:26 AM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

End on month 😬

Feb 25, 2019 11:08:47 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

How are you ?

Feb 25, 2019 11:08:50 AM Me

what about it

Feb 25, 2019 11:08:56 AM Me

end of month?

Feb 25, 2019 11:09:01 AM +13038752587

$$$ street

Feb 25, 2019 11:09:05 AM +13038752587

Stress

Feb 25, 2019 11:09:27 AM Me

oh, yes. I have that stress every day. taxes are coming up

Feb 25, 2019 11:10:41 AM +13038752587

Everyone loves the pass - now I have to get them to signup. I have to get out and talk to 100 businesses ASAP- need 50 to prove model

Feb 25, 2019 11:12:01 AM Me

Oh yes. Flyers, handouts, etc.

Feb 25, 2019 11:12:04 AM Me

blanket the area

Feb 25, 2019 11:12:16 AM Me

This past weekend Thacher boys soccer played in the CIF Division 7 state championships (I’m assistant coach) We lost on Saturday night 5-4. It was a great season but not the ending we were hoping for.

Feb 25, 2019 11:12:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We also were in Covina for Darragh’s new team and State Cup. They won 11-0 and advance top of the table to the next round this weekend in Lancaster.

Feb 25, 2019 11:13:11 AM Me

And we had another game on Sunday for Darragh.

Feb 25, 2019 11:13:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So 3 soccer games this past weekend, 2 big ones (1 win, 1 loss)

Feb 25, 2019 11:14:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And next weekend Declan starts up with his new club team. So soccer soccer soccer from now until summer for the boys.

Feb 25, 2019 11:15:13 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

Bummer for Thacher

Feb 25, 2019 11:15:28 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Awesome Darragh

Feb 25, 2019 11:15:38 AM +13038752587

Exciting fit Declan

Feb 25, 2019 11:15:59 AM Me

Aidan started his first job last week and started his work training here:

Feb 25, 2019 11:16:04 AM Me

Muay Thai in Ventura

Feb 25, 2019 11:16:17 AM Me

He’s been doing MuyThai for almost a year now and they hired him

Feb 25, 2019 11:16:18 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Kickboxing

Feb 25, 2019 11:16:21 AM Me

yes

Feb 25, 2019 11:16:34 AM Me

he’s lost 30 pounds and his getting very fit

Feb 25, 2019 11:16:34 AM +13038752587

Very cool

Feb 25, 2019 11:16:39 AM Me

life changing for him

Feb 25, 2019 11:16:59 AM Me

He has some great mentors at the gym

Feb 25, 2019 11:17:14 AM Me

I’m SOOOOO happy for him.

Feb 25, 2019 11:17:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its funny he has a similar relationship to me as I did to my dad

Feb 25, 2019 11:17:54 AM Me

anyhow I digress

Feb 25, 2019 11:18:09 AM Me

big bummer for Thacher. I really wanted to win that game

Feb 25, 2019 11:18:26 AM Me

brings up lots of failure thoughts for me

Feb 25, 2019 11:18:45 AM Me

its like a confirmation bias

Feb 25, 2019 11:49:38 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

We view the world through are beliefs. Change your story, change your belief - see the world anew

Feb 25, 2019 12:06:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

excellent perspective from you as always.

Feb 25, 2019 12:07:01 PM Me

SO grateful that I am connected to you and that I have the ability to reach out to get your feedback/advice/counsel

Feb 25, 2019 12:07:23 PM Me

You constantly help me reframe my perspectives

Feb 25, 2019 12:10:04 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

🤗

Feb 25, 2019 12:10:26 PM Me

I may reach out some more after my meeting I’m in right now.

Feb 25, 2019 12:12:48 PM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

👍

Feb 26, 2019 9:57:12 AM Me

Hey there, woke up on wrong side of brain 🧠

Feb 26, 2019 9:57:25 AM Me

How are you?

Feb 26, 2019 10:03:55 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Go back to sleep for 5 mins and get up in the right side

Feb 26, 2019 10:07:43 AM Me

Haha, if only were that simple

Feb 26, 2019 10:08:14 AM +13038752587

Try it - it just may be that easy 😴

Feb 26, 2019 10:09:05 AM Me

I’m in a very depressed place. Feeling quite worthless and struggling to shake the mindset. I usually can shift, but today it’s harder.

Feb 26, 2019 10:09:24 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Or maybe meditate for 10 with a focus on gratitude

Feb 26, 2019 10:09:29 AM Me

Going to workout now and see if it helps

Feb 26, 2019 10:09:35 AM Me

Then meditate

Feb 26, 2019 10:10:16 AM +13038752587

Good plan

Feb 26, 2019 10:10:30 AM Me

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Feb 26, 2019 10:13:17 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

👍

Feb 26, 2019 10:51:32 AM Me

Workout done. 30mins of sprinting, jogging, and plyometric excercise

Feb 26, 2019 10:51:48 AM Me

Out of breath and sweating like a pig

Feb 26, 2019 10:52:00 AM Me

🐷

Feb 26, 2019 10:52:18 AM +13038752587

That’s good

Feb 26, 2019 10:52:42 AM +13038752587

Love the new emojis

Feb 26, 2019 11:56:01 AM (Read by them after 40 seconds) Me

I feel better, but not 100%.

Feb 26, 2019 11:56:13 AM (Read by them after 40 seconds) Me

toying with the idea of making a dr appt and going and getting medication

Feb 26, 2019 11:56:26 AM (Read by them after 39 seconds) Me

I don’t want to do it. I hate being on pharmaceuticals

Feb 26, 2019 12:01:35 PM (Read by them after 41 seconds) Me

wonder what your thoughts are related to this.

Feb 26, 2019 12:06:59 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Have you tried cdb products?

Feb 26, 2019 12:09:21 PM (Read by them after 40 seconds) Me

have not. thought they were mostly for body aches, etc.

Feb 26, 2019 12:09:25 PM (Read by them after 41 seconds) Me

not mental health

Feb 26, 2019 12:11:14 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I haven’t done abt research

Feb 26, 2019 12:49:15 PM (Read by them after 41 seconds) Me

found this:

Feb 26, 2019 12:49:21 PM (Read by them after 40 seconds) Me

The Stoner Mom

Feb 26, 2019 12:50:49 PM +13038752587

I will check it out

Feb 26, 2019 12:51:19 PM +13038752587

Sarah’s sister uses it for her anxiety

Feb 26, 2019 12:51:33 PM Me

and how does she feel it works?

Feb 26, 2019 12:51:51 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Pretty good

Feb 26, 2019 12:52:10 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 26, 2019 12:52:17 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah picked this up to try

Feb 26, 2019 12:53:44 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

I got approved to lead a FB developer group in Boulder starting in July

Feb 26, 2019 12:59:44 PM (Read by them after 41 seconds) Me

wow!! so excited for you

Feb 26, 2019 12:59:54 PM (Read by them after 40 seconds) Me

that sounds awesome

Mar 01, 2019 10:06:49 AM Me

Happy Friday Darrell!

Mar 01, 2019 10:07:06 AM Me

How did Loco go?

Mar 01, 2019 3:00:54 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Friday

Mar 01, 2019 3:25:54 PM (Read by them after 46 seconds) Me

Thanks!

Mar 01, 2019 3:26:46 PM Me

How are you and the familia doing?

Mar 01, 2019 3:47:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Loco / lots of interest - looking to get 25 businesses to do big launch 🚀

Mar 01, 2019 3:48:32 PM +13038752587

Confident I can get 10k users fast - need offers

Mar 01, 2019 3:50:00 PM +13038752587

Everyone is healthy - the yo-yo of entrepreneurship income is stressful.

Mar 01, 2019 3:50:25 PM Me

its EXTREMELY stressful, know it well

Mar 01, 2019 3:50:44 PM +13038752587

I am committed to building a systematic business model -

Mar 01, 2019 3:51:10 PM Me

I always seem to find a way every month, but it was never without fretting

Mar 04, 2019 1:51:43 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Hey Darrell, how goes your Monday?

Mar 04, 2019 1:51:48 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

How was the weekend?

Mar 05, 2019 12:29:54 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

Mar 05, 2019 12:33:42 PM Me

Hey there, about to head into a client meeting text me a little bit later

Mar 05, 2019 12:36:29 PM (Read by you after 2 days, 1 hour, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Text me when you are available

Mar 13, 2019 12:07:59 AM (Read by them after 13 minutes, 18 seconds) Me

haha.

Mar 13, 2019 12:08:02 AM (Read by them after 13 minutes, 18 seconds) Me

DearQuote

Mar 13, 2019 7:31:26 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

😀and true

Mar 13, 2019 11:47:18 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Indeed.

Mar 13, 2019 11:47:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I laughed out loud when I read that. Had to share.

Mar 13, 2019 11:47:37 AM Me

Hope you’re doing well out there in the mountains.

Mar 13, 2019 11:48:03 AM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

The blizzard 🌨 has begun - so far not too bad

Mar 13, 2019 11:48:22 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Think it’s going to hit harder out east

Mar 13, 2019 11:48:39 AM Me

the “polar bomb?”

Mar 13, 2019 11:48:44 AM Me

what I read in the news?

Mar 14, 2019 12:47:53 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

Hey there, how are you doing this week?

Mar 14, 2019 12:48:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been flying solo since Monday with the boys. Balance is REALLY hard. Feeling anxious and nervous.

Mar 14, 2019 12:48:35 PM +13038752587

Good

Mar 14, 2019 12:48:39 PM +13038752587

Busy

Mar 14, 2019 12:48:54 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

busy is good, but hope its fruitful and not just spinning wheels.

Mar 14, 2019 12:49:24 PM +13038752587

Helping new client with launch , rebuilding website and order system and need to close 7k more in sales

Mar 14, 2019 12:49:30 PM Me

I feel like I’m spinning my wheels, and treading water. Not really going anywhere.

Mar 14, 2019 12:49:37 PM Me

Nice!!

Mar 14, 2019 12:49:38 PM +13038752587

Me too

Mar 14, 2019 12:49:54 PM +13038752587

Where’s Liz

Mar 14, 2019 12:51:07 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

up visiting her friend Barb near Sacramento working on a new business idea (horses and training). She’s laying the groundwork for potential summer work, and doing clinics. She’s thinking what’s next beyond Thacher (5-10 years out from now)

Mar 14, 2019 12:52:06 PM +13038752587

I just met someone locally who does something like that

Mar 14, 2019 12:52:15 PM Me

Cool!

Mar 14, 2019 12:52:51 PM Me

I know its what she wants to do. Spend time riding horses with a good friend, getting paid for it, and training for races—she would be quite happy doing just that

Mar 14, 2019 12:57:58 PM +13038752587

Great plan

Mar 14, 2019 12:58:28 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

Definitely would be nice. I feel claustrophobic sometimes sitting in a small office in the house and rarely getting out.

Mar 14, 2019 12:58:56 PM Me

Some days my biggest walk is up/down the stairs—not good.

Mar 14, 2019 1:02:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 58 seconds) +13038752587

I have been at home this past week and it definitely is not as good as my office - usually I walk in and home

Mar 14, 2019 1:04:41 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

feels like you missed finishing the thought

Mar 14, 2019 1:04:43 PM Me

and home....

Mar 14, 2019 1:05:23 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Walk home too

Mar 14, 2019 1:08:51 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

having separation between home and work is important—I’ve done this long enough to know that. Thinking I should look into office space in town maybe.

Mar 14, 2019 1:11:29 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Co office space is reasonable

Mar 16, 2019 12:01:23 PM Me

Happy Saturday!!

Mar 16, 2019 1:52:23 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 16, 2019 1:52:23 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Noosa yogurt tour

Mar 16, 2019 2:01:40 PM Me

Cool!

Mar 17, 2019 8:35:08 PM +13038752587

Happy St. Patrick’s Day 🍻🍀

Mar 17, 2019 8:36:09 PM Me

Same to you, and happy California poppies

Mar 17, 2019 8:37:30 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 17, 2019 8:38:44 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 17, 2019 8:39:40 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Second one is better

Mar 17, 2019 9:28:36 PM Me

Great photos!

Mar 17, 2019 9:28:55 PM Me

Mar 17, 2019 9:29:15 PM Me

There’s me with a guy who will be 16 next week, Declan

Mar 17, 2019 9:41:07 PM +13038752587

😀

Mar 18, 2019 10:45:56 AM Me

Hey there, it’s Monday. 😕

Mar 18, 2019 10:46:18 AM Me

Wondering what helps motivate you when you’re not feeling motivated

Mar 18, 2019 10:46:29 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

😁

Mar 18, 2019 10:48:27 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Pause, breathe- then ask what is the next one thing I have to do. Then do it

Mar 18, 2019 10:48:48 AM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

Put on some uplifting music 🎶

Mar 18, 2019 10:49:24 AM Me

👍

Mar 18, 2019 10:50:05 AM Me

Been struggling with worry and it can be debilitating at times

Mar 18, 2019 10:50:56 AM +13038752587

Keep you self occupied with the task at hand

Mar 18, 2019 11:11:07 AM Me

Great advice

Mar 18, 2019 11:25:05 AM Me

Remind me to ask you something later

Mar 18, 2019 1:22:12 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Hey - it’s cousin Terry’s 50ty bday today!

Mar 18, 2019 2:15:23 PM Me

I sent her a HB on FB

Mar 18, 2019 2:15:30 PM Me

Interesting...

Mar 18, 2019 2:15:39 PM Me

Pocket

Mar 18, 2019 2:23:00 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Ahh yes 😀 heard that one. It is very true. We GET to...

Mar 18, 2019 2:26:59 PM Me

its a good one.

Mar 19, 2019 10:28:32 AM Me

Hey there, hope your Tuesday is off to a good start.

Mar 19, 2019 10:29:00 AM Me

How is your loco pass going?

Mar 19, 2019 11:37:43 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

You too 😁

Mar 19, 2019 11:38:36 AM +13038752587

Pass in holding pattern- low funding caused me to shift focus to getting $$ in the door

Mar 19, 2019 11:38:51 AM Me

k

Mar 19, 2019 11:39:56 AM Me

you seemed to have good interest in it

Mar 19, 2019 11:44:42 AM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - need to change pricing model to get businesses in, so I can grow list, so then I can charge more

Mar 19, 2019 11:45:34 AM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

right

Mar 19, 2019 11:45:52 AM +13038752587

Business will invest in print without much hesitation even though you can’t prove ROI , digital is more of a mystery for them

Mar 19, 2019 11:45:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

tease them in

Mar 19, 2019 11:46:11 AM Me

even using things like QR codes, etc?

Mar 19, 2019 11:47:10 AM +13038752587

I can prove ROI in digital all day - businesses seem to have a mental block when it comes to marketing their biz

Mar 19, 2019 11:48:04 AM Me

Right

Mar 20, 2019 10:53:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Happy Hump Day! and Happy Spring Equinox!

Mar 20, 2019 10:54:01 AM Me

More sunshine in the days ahead

Mar 20, 2019 10:55:12 AM +13038752587

The season has changed, the shift has begun. Let in permeate your being.

Mar 20, 2019 10:55:53 AM Me

Been struggling with confidence this past week. Started a new project and imposter syndrome is high. Feel like I’m going to get called out as not knowing my shit. Wish I did not have these feelings. And then you write that reply 😊

Mar 20, 2019 10:57:33 AM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

We all feel that way - even the big guns 💪 just before they step on stage.

Mar 20, 2019 10:57:50 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

The trick is to do it anyway

Mar 20, 2019 10:58:11 AM +13038752587

Did you check out the link I emailed you?

Mar 20, 2019 10:58:43 AM Me

Yep. Had a memory come up and a regret about it. Nothing I can do but take away the learning, and you just said it—do it anyway

Mar 20, 2019 11:01:21 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Did you ad the visualization process to your morning routine?

Mar 20, 2019 11:01:46 AM Me

no, haven’t

Mar 20, 2019 11:01:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

is the link the talk by that woman?

Mar 20, 2019 11:02:00 AM +13038752587

Yes

Mar 20, 2019 11:02:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think I started it, but didn’t finish

Mar 20, 2019 11:02:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you have it handy?

Mar 20, 2019 11:02:18 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Resending now

Mar 20, 2019 11:03:30 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

It’s short - watch it now

Mar 20, 2019 2:30:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Medium

Mar 20, 2019 3:25:37 PM (Read by you after 19 hours, 20 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Great tip

Mar 21, 2019 10:42:28 AM Me

Can Inuit Moms Help Me Tame My 3-Year-Old's Anger? -

Mar 21, 2019 10:42:32 AM Me

NPR.org

Mar 21, 2019 10:46:20 AM Me

This was a great read and something I wish I had 15years ago

Mar 21, 2019 11:06:48 AM +13038752587

Sarah just read that 😀

Mar 21, 2019 11:07:05 AM Me

👍

Mar 21, 2019 11:07:27 AM Me

Monster stories would have worked wonders for me

Mar 21, 2019 11:07:51 AM Me

My relationship with all 3 boys is argumentative

Mar 21, 2019 11:07:56 AM Me

Hate it

Mar 22, 2019 9:58:53 AM Me

Happy Friday

Mar 22, 2019 10:24:23 AM Me

Hope things are going well out there, let me know 😊

Mar 22, 2019 10:30:02 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Chicken 🐔 with his head cut off - sort of 😁

Mar 22, 2019 10:30:05 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Friday

Mar 22, 2019 10:33:38 AM (Read by them after 49 seconds) Me

oh no! you’re ok tho, just crazy busy right?

Mar 22, 2019 10:36:23 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Mar 22, 2019 10:53:35 AM Me

ok cool

Mar 22, 2019 10:55:38 AM (Read by them after 48 seconds) Me

was just thinking about depression and wondering how long it will take to not feel depressed. Feels like I’ve been depressed for years (~5) and I’ve recalibrated to operating in a depressed mode.

Mar 22, 2019 11:14:27 AM Me

One thing I feel is alone. Despite having family I feel alone and everyone’s either upset with me, or indifferent 😕. Now that may not be true, but it’s what my brain is sensing and feeling.

Mar 22, 2019 11:16:20 AM Me

Anyhow, I share with you because you always have a great perspective. My brother tells me to just go get meds from dr. But don’t want to, so have stopped sharing. I can stop bugging u too, just let me know

Mar 22, 2019 11:20:24 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Call me I’m driving

Mar 22, 2019 11:38:32 AM +13038752587

In meeting for next 90 min

Mar 22, 2019 11:38:35 AM +13038752587

You are not bugging me

Mar 22, 2019 11:38:40 AM Me

K

Mar 22, 2019 11:38:59 AM Me

Free after 12?

Mar 22, 2019 11:43:44 AM Me

Pacific

Mar 22, 2019 12:39:48 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Mar 22, 2019 12:51:42 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Call me when your ready- I’m driving

Mar 22, 2019 1:00:20 PM Me

K, at pickup for Declan from school

Mar 22, 2019 3:21:01 PM Me

Man, today has been so weird schedule wise

Mar 22, 2019 3:21:27 PM +13038752587

It’s in the air today 🌞

Mar 22, 2019 3:21:44 PM Me

I’m waiting to see if Aidan catches the bus to Ventura

Mar 22, 2019 3:24:27 PM Me

I could talk for next 15mins if you’re free

Mar 22, 2019 4:07:15 PM +13038752587

Just got back to house -

Mar 22, 2019 4:07:38 PM +13038752587

Hey it’s Friday 😁😄😃😀

Mar 22, 2019 4:08:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

True, doesn’t feel like it to me. Feels like Monday. Have a monster headache right now and trying to get at least one thing done for work today.

Mar 22, 2019 4:09:26 PM +13038752587

I heard amazing wisdom the other day - sometimes doing nothing is how you do something great

Mar 22, 2019 4:09:56 PM Me

that’s cool, but doing nothing doesn’t pay bills 😊

Mar 22, 2019 4:10:10 PM +13038752587

Perhaps a draft beer is in order today

Mar 22, 2019 4:10:12 PM (Read by them after 48 seconds) Me

Something. As I heard in the recent Freddy Mercury movie, “life is such that you need some anesthesia from time to time.

Mar 22, 2019 4:11:15 PM +13038752587

Haha

Mar 22, 2019 4:13:05 PM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

We tend to get caught up in the unimportant and unnecessary often and make it seem important

Mar 22, 2019 4:13:35 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

In this moment everything is amazing 😉

Mar 22, 2019 4:14:34 PM +13038752587

We create our own story about this and that about the next moment and before we know it we are stressed out about the story we created

Mar 22, 2019 4:15:28 PM +13038752587

Breathe, do some jumping jacks and get to work on the next thing you want to accomplish

Mar 22, 2019 4:15:49 PM Me

again, great advice

Mar 22, 2019 4:15:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and largely spot on

Mar 22, 2019 4:16:53 PM Me

before I die, I just want to feel happy for a few days in a row

Mar 22, 2019 4:17:02 PM Me

I’m working on the stuff right now.

Mar 22, 2019 4:18:26 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 55 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

😄

Mar 26, 2019 10:07:06 AM Me

Hi there, how goes your week so far?

Mar 26, 2019 10:18:15 AM Me

That Mel Robbins video was good. Thanks for that.

Mar 26, 2019 10:18:43 AM Me

Need some reassurance today that things are going to be ok.

Mar 26, 2019 10:58:11 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

They are and will be

Mar 26, 2019 11:00:03 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Trying to fit a box frame through an opening that is just to small - frustrating- I think sometimes we fail to acknowledge the things we can change and the things we can’t 😀

Mar 26, 2019 11:00:44 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

And then we get frustrated with it and ourselves

Mar 26, 2019 11:01:14 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

I am if course talking about the box spring, however it has implications in general

Mar 26, 2019 11:14:21 AM Me

Thanks for that!

Mar 26, 2019 11:20:04 AM Me

My uncle Michael has cancer pretty bad and they don’t know how long he’s got. And this past weekend Nat his dad limited to the hospital with cardiac issues

Mar 26, 2019 11:20:08 AM Me

Rl

Mar 26, 2019 11:22:10 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 41 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I knew Michael was nit doing well - have you had a chance to talk with him

Mar 26, 2019 11:22:38 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 41 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

How is Nat doing? Is he back home?

Mar 26, 2019 2:04:05 PM Me

Have not talked with uncle Mike, and probably should

Mar 26, 2019 2:04:38 PM Me

Nat is better today and stable. Unsure if he’s still having his surgery this week.

Mar 26, 2019 2:04:56 PM Me

Thanks for the advice earlier. Always helpful

Mar 26, 2019 2:07:15 PM Me

Examining things lately and unhappy with parts of my life

Mar 26, 2019 6:29:19 PM +13038752587

This is normal- that way you know the areas you want to shift

Mar 26, 2019 6:30:40 PM +13038752587

I believe you are feeling what many are- i believe it is a zeitgeist

Mar 28, 2019 2:18:47 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

😀😃🎉

Mar 28, 2019 2:18:59 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Friday is one day away

Mar 28, 2019 2:19:26 PM Me

Hey there. Yes it is.

Mar 28, 2019 2:19:50 PM Me

Liz took off today for a 5 day trip with her mom to visit a family friend. Flying solo with the boys

Mar 28, 2019 2:23:58 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I thought you were solo last week

Mar 28, 2019 2:24:10 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Or recently anyway

Mar 28, 2019 2:24:27 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Sending you a good article later

Mar 28, 2019 2:24:44 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

I need your input quickly - check you gmail

Mar 28, 2019 2:30:07 PM Me

I was. She was on spring break and went to Sacramento to visit a horse friend

Mar 28, 2019 2:30:52 PM +13038752587

Imagine it is a bit easier now that they are older

Mar 28, 2019 2:31:17 PM Me

I don’t have to change their pants :-)

Mar 28, 2019 2:31:40 PM +13038752587

😀

Mar 28, 2019 2:32:21 PM Me

I am away from the computer at the moment. I can check in probably in 45 minutes

Mar 28, 2019 2:32:55 PM +13038752587

On the site I just sent - no upper nav. Will need to put hours, phone and address in header area

Mar 28, 2019 2:33:02 PM +13038752587

Cool - thanks

Mar 28, 2019 2:33:08 PM Me

K

Mar 29, 2019 11:42:57 AM Me

Happy Friday!

Mar 29, 2019 11:43:22 AM Me

Just realized I have to look at your email.I have a meeting in 15 minutes and I will look at it after that and reply to you

Apr 01, 2019 1:08:41 AM Me

I've listened to an Audible book you might enjoy. It’s totally free, if it’s your first time accepting a book from a friend.

Apr 01, 2019 1:08:45 AM Me

Audible.com

Apr 01, 2019 5:24:10 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 14 seconds) Me

Hey there, forgot to mention that I replied to you on how to setup that menu. Don’t know if you saw it. Been in survival mode with the boys all weekend.

Apr 01, 2019 5:25:33 PM Me

Hope you and yours are all well.

Apr 01, 2019 5:38:15 PM (Read by you after 2 days, 16 hours, 13 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks

Apr 04, 2019 9:52:16 AM Me

Hi 👋

Apr 04, 2019 9:52:27 AM Me

How are you doing today?

Apr 04, 2019 4:12:39 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Pocket

Apr 04, 2019 4:13:09 PM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

Good and you

Apr 04, 2019 4:13:35 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Need a design consult later

Apr 04, 2019 4:13:45 PM Me

k

Apr 04, 2019 4:13:48 PM Me

I’m so so.

Apr 04, 2019 4:15:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have tix to a concert in LA tonight and dont feel well enough to go. Was wanting Aidan to go with me but he doesnt want to. Bummed about it. Trying to offload/sell the tix but haven’t found anyone yet. I’ll be out $80

Apr 04, 2019 4:15:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You and Liz should go

Apr 04, 2019 4:15:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

if anything I’m learning lessons. that never stops in life.

Apr 04, 2019 4:15:47 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Date night

Apr 04, 2019 4:16:11 PM Me

I know, I asked her. She has advisee dinner tonight that will go until about 7:30

Apr 04, 2019 4:16:19 PM Me

Concert starts 8:30

Apr 04, 2019 4:16:33 PM Me

Travel there is about 2 hours

Apr 04, 2019 4:16:42 PM Me

both ways

Apr 04, 2019 4:16:47 PM +13038752587

Or go solo and sell ticket there

Apr 04, 2019 4:16:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Whose playing

Apr 04, 2019 4:17:37 PM Me

Modeselektor

Apr 04, 2019 4:17:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Apr 04, 2019 4:17:47 PM Me

German duo I like

Apr 04, 2019 4:18:14 PM Me

mode-selector is how you say it

Apr 04, 2019 4:18:53 PM Me

venue is only 350 people. The sound will likely pound through your body all night.

Apr 04, 2019 4:19:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

They are LOUD and very danceable

Apr 04, 2019 4:20:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One of my favorites from them, Evil Twin...

Apr 04, 2019 4:20:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Apr 04, 2019 4:23:12 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Did Aiden agree to go and change his mind?

Apr 04, 2019 4:23:27 PM Me

no, he doesnt want to go

Apr 04, 2019 4:23:50 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Ahh!

Apr 04, 2019 4:25:09 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Well you have three hours to find someone to go with or to buy the tickets

Apr 04, 2019 4:25:25 PM Me

right or nothing happens

Apr 04, 2019 4:25:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did you post on CL

Apr 04, 2019 4:25:45 PM Me

craigslist?

Apr 04, 2019 4:25:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes

Apr 04, 2019 4:25:50 PM Me

no

Apr 04, 2019 4:26:29 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Does the band have a Facebook page - you might be able to post on there too

Apr 04, 2019 4:30:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just looked on Facebook. Looks like alot of people trying to sell, AND the ticket vendor suddenly has more tix to sell.

Apr 04, 2019 4:30:35 PM Me

Looks like I might be stuck

Apr 04, 2019 4:31:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also read that they’re not starting their set until 10:30pm. That would put me home around 2am. Yikes.

Apr 04, 2019 4:31:34 PM Me

I could kick myself in the ass for this

Apr 04, 2019 4:31:43 PM Me

F U C K M E

Apr 04, 2019 4:31:49 PM Me

😊

Apr 04, 2019 4:32:17 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Hey m, if that’s the case you and Liz can go! Date night is back on 😉

Apr 04, 2019 4:32:40 PM Me

I can ask her if she’s game to do it.

Apr 04, 2019 4:34:31 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t ask - say I have a great idea - we can have an impromptu date night - we will leave as soon as advisers thing is done - about 7:45

Apr 04, 2019 4:36:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, I’ll give it a try. Since i know they are starting later I could also see if Aidan is still game.

Apr 04, 2019 4:39:00 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

No try - do 😀

Apr 04, 2019 4:40:21 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes) +13038752587

Also post on CL for $10 total less then door price - so $70

Apr 04, 2019 4:40:42 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Get all three balls in the air

Apr 04, 2019 4:41:08 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Liz, Aiden and CL

Apr 04, 2019 4:56:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I put it up on Facebook

Apr 04, 2019 4:56:40 PM Me

under the artists page specifically for the event

Apr 04, 2019 4:56:49 PM Me

and cross my fingers.

Apr 04, 2019 4:56:58 PM Me

Liz turned me down, emphatically

Apr 04, 2019 4:58:06 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Throw it up on CL too -

Apr 04, 2019 4:58:24 PM Me

k, just not sure how I can transfer the tickets.

Apr 04, 2019 4:58:30 PM Me

I got them on TicketFly

Apr 04, 2019 4:58:35 PM Me

They are electronic

Apr 04, 2019 4:59:19 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 04, 2019 5:04:07 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Emailed link to ur gmail

Apr 04, 2019 5:05:43 PM Me

ok, cool. Thanks!

Apr 04, 2019 5:11:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool its on CL now too

Apr 04, 2019 5:30:31 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Make a deal / something is better than nothing

Apr 04, 2019 5:30:57 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Good luck 🍀

Apr 04, 2019 5:31:38 PM +13038752587

Check out dev.mikeyswingshack.com

Apr 04, 2019 5:31:41 PM Me

Very true. And I will. I had one guy reach out from Facebook already. But I’m driving at the moment so it’s hard for me to reply. Having to take Declan to soccer practice

Apr 04, 2019 5:32:04 PM +13038752587

Reply when you get to practice

Apr 04, 2019 6:14:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m stationary

Apr 04, 2019 6:14:43 PM Me

looking at your link

Apr 04, 2019 9:26:57 PM Me

Tried all my options and no luck. Not the end of the world. They tour the states every year. Too bad you weren’t here. I would have taken you.

Apr 04, 2019 9:27:34 PM Me

Besides I get to spend the first night with liz since she got back on Tuesday

Apr 04, 2019 10:19:02 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Apr 05, 2019 3:03:51 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Thoughts on the website??

Apr 05, 2019 3:07:05 PM Me

Good start so far. Are you having issues of any kinds?

Apr 05, 2019 3:07:51 PM +13038752587

No - I do need to figure out how to put phone number, hours and address in header

Apr 05, 2019 3:09:01 PM (Read by them after 21 seconds) Me

Did those links I sent help out at all?

Apr 05, 2019 3:10:12 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - with logo and adding graphic to navigation

Apr 08, 2019 8:57:06 AM Me

Good Monday Morning to you! Hope you had a good weekend and hope all is well in your world

Apr 08, 2019 11:01:09 AM Me

Hey there, was just experiencing some thoughts that. Dredging up a lot of regret around family and work in life. These emotions and feelings really hard to sit with. Wondering if you have any advice for being with those feelings

Apr 08, 2019 12:22:37 PM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

Fuck em

Apr 08, 2019 12:24:21 PM +13038752587

🤔

Apr 08, 2019 12:24:37 PM +13038752587

After some more thought ...

Apr 08, 2019 12:26:28 PM +13038752587

Yeah! FUCK THEM! They go ride off on the horse 🐎 that brought and take their shit with them. Pack in, pack out.

Apr 08, 2019 12:26:45 PM Me

haha

Apr 08, 2019 12:26:53 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 5 seconds) Me

I think when I turn 50 in less than a month the “Fuck Them!” subroutine will finally be installed in my update that day

Apr 08, 2019 12:27:02 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 1 second) Me

Then this point will be moot

Apr 08, 2019 12:30:11 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Install it now

Apr 08, 2019 12:31:45 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - the trick is not to feed them when they show up. I see you and you are my currrnt interpretation of past events. I do not have anything for you

Apr 08, 2019 12:32:57 PM +13038752587

Then get back to the task at hand

Apr 08, 2019 12:33:09 PM +13038752587

In a call for a bit

Apr 08, 2019 12:33:15 PM Me

ok, cool.

Apr 08, 2019 12:33:18 PM Me

thanks for that

Apr 08, 2019 12:33:27 PM Me

don’t feed them

Apr 08, 2019 12:33:39 PM +13038752587

I need some design insights later

Apr 08, 2019 12:33:39 PM Me

makes total sense

Apr 08, 2019 12:34:12 PM Me

k, send my way. Not driving to soccer today. Want to hang at home and watch the NCAA final tonight

Apr 09, 2019 10:48:33 AM Me

Hey there, it’s Tuesday. Hope you’re doing well. Another day where I am trying to navigate the shit my mind is throwing at me. Honestly I am really fed up with feeling like I do.

Apr 09, 2019 10:51:17 AM Me

I feel like I need a break. A break from work, a chance to rest, a chance to have an unscripted week. I have not had a vacation in the true sense of the word since I cannot remember. Every time we have traveled recently, I’ve always brought the computer and work with me. The thing is how do you take a vacation when in some sense you can’t financially afford it? You need the money, but you also need your mind and balance. It’s like being caught between a rock and a hard place. The fuck do you do?

Apr 09, 2019 1:59:51 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you!

Apr 10, 2019 9:50:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

better off dead

Apr 10, 2019 9:51:04 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Great movie 🎥

Apr 10, 2019 9:51:21 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I want my 2 dollars 💵

Apr 10, 2019 9:52:05 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Look at all the things you do have- what is going well

Apr 10, 2019 9:52:43 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Your focus is in the wrong sector

Apr 10, 2019 9:55:43 AM Me

yeah, I hear you.

Apr 10, 2019 9:55:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have a meeting now.

Apr 10, 2019 11:21:44 AM Me

Liz said some things to me this morning that while true, they hurt. She’s tired of dealing with my negativity. I’m tired of my negativity and tired of always feeling broken, things aren’t right, or there is something I need to fix.

Apr 10, 2019 11:37:46 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Just sent two vids

Apr 10, 2019 11:38:05 AM Me

Thanks. I see them

Apr 10, 2019 5:58:57 PM Me

This was good too:

Apr 10, 2019 5:59:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Apr 10, 2019 6:07:20 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 19 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Apr 11, 2019 10:36:22 AM +13038752587

😀😄😃😆😊

Apr 11, 2019 10:36:35 AM +13038752587

🤓😎🤩

Apr 11, 2019 10:36:45 AM Me

Hi

Apr 11, 2019 10:36:59 AM +13038752587

Hello

Apr 11, 2019 10:37:20 AM Me

Lots of :-) faces for you starting the day

Apr 11, 2019 10:37:27 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did you get a chance to watch any of Jamie’s videos

Apr 11, 2019 10:37:45 AM +13038752587

Yes 🥳 the day

Apr 11, 2019 10:38:19 AM Me

I was able to watch some of one. Watching rest today. Like what I’ve seen so far

Apr 11, 2019 10:38:46 AM Me

Liz’s knows Jim Kwik. She seen him on other podcasts

Apr 11, 2019 10:39:02 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Watch the Facebook one - it’s only 5 mins

Apr 11, 2019 10:39:28 AM +13038752587

I like him

Apr 11, 2019 10:39:30 AM Me

Thought they are both YouTube

Apr 11, 2019 10:39:43 AM +13038752587

I sent another email

Apr 11, 2019 10:39:55 AM Me

Doing excercise right now. Away from computer at moment

Apr 11, 2019 10:40:23 AM Me

Really bad teeth grinding last night. I have a monster headache from all the pressure

Apr 11, 2019 10:40:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Great - being away from that is good medicine

Apr 11, 2019 10:41:16 AM +13038752587

I hear ibuprofen helps with that 😉

Apr 11, 2019 10:42:08 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Exercise- take some ibuprofen- check in when your back to screen time

Apr 11, 2019 10:42:49 AM Me

Ok I have a couple of meetings this morning and I will watch it today for sure and let you know when I do.

Apr 11, 2019 10:43:15 AM Me

Lots of gratitude for you, and for sending me these things.

Apr 11, 2019 10:43:32 AM +13038752587

😁

Apr 17, 2019 1:23:05 PM Me

Hey there Darrell, hope everything’s going well in your world. Just want to say hi

Apr 17, 2019 5:21:04 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Apr 17, 2019 5:21:29 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Mamas got a head cold - papa may be getting it

Apr 17, 2019 5:21:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sorry to hear that

Apr 17, 2019 5:21:43 PM +13038752587

willow had it first

Apr 17, 2019 5:21:51 PM Me

welcome to kids cooties

Apr 17, 2019 5:22:06 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 54 seconds) +13038752587

😱

Apr 17, 2019 5:22:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Generally they pass quickly

Apr 17, 2019 5:23:51 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Something big in personal development coming from Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosiand Russell Brunson this week or next

Apr 17, 2019 5:37:15 PM Me

cool.

Apr 17, 2019 5:37:53 PM Me

been reading alot about ppl microdosing for depression and anxiety. LOTS of interesting articles our there on it.

Apr 17, 2019 5:38:07 PM Me

you read anything about it? know anyone who’s done it?

Apr 17, 2019 5:53:48 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

A little

Apr 17, 2019 5:53:50 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

No

Apr 17, 2019 5:54:20 PM Me

each person I read about talks about it being transformative

Apr 17, 2019 5:54:38 PM Me

like they feel “better” very quickly

Apr 17, 2019 5:54:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

then again all we see is the positive stories, nothing about bad experiences.

Apr 17, 2019 6:29:36 PM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 17, 2019 6:29:58 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Look at me any time you need a smile

Apr 17, 2019 6:30:16 PM Me

so cute. how old now?

Apr 17, 2019 6:34:34 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 27 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

6 mo

Apr 18, 2019 11:50:27 AM Me

Hey there, I am off to the doctors today for an outpatient procedure. I have something on my skin that’s not normal. And they are going to biopsy it. Needless to say that my anxiety is very high. I’m having trouble concentrating and focusing on anything.

Apr 18, 2019 11:50:48 AM Me

I head out in about an hour for the procedure and then head home

Apr 18, 2019 11:51:02 AM Me

Taking the afternoon off from work

Apr 18, 2019 11:52:13 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I had a growth removed about 6 months ago - a type of skin cancer- superficial, so no concerns

Apr 18, 2019 11:52:35 AM +13038752587

It will be fine, you will be fine 😀

Apr 18, 2019 11:52:52 AM +13038752587

It does make you pause though

Apr 18, 2019 11:52:58 AM +13038752587

Which is good

Apr 18, 2019 11:53:30 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Smell the spring air, and enjoy the afternoon

Apr 18, 2019 11:53:58 AM Me

I’ll likely be enjoying the fresh air of dirty laundry and dirty dishes that are piled up very high in our house

Apr 18, 2019 12:49:39 PM Me

Simple question for you. Why do I continuously choose suffering?

Apr 18, 2019 12:50:24 PM Me

On an intellectual level I despise it I don’t want it and I don’t want to feel it. Yet it’s the thing I continuously find myself generating inside my head, suffering

Apr 18, 2019 12:51:48 PM Me

And, it’s compounding in nature. So that suffering begets distraction, begets more suffering because of things your not attending to

Apr 18, 2019 12:54:26 PM +13038752587

One - do the boys help out around the house -

Apr 18, 2019 12:55:12 PM Me

Not as they should.

Apr 18, 2019 12:56:13 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

You should start doing what mom did to me- if it was my responsibility and I did not do it, it ended up in my bed

Apr 18, 2019 12:56:57 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

- of course, no tv etc can work too

Apr 18, 2019 12:57:08 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

———-

Apr 18, 2019 12:57:13 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

The 1st tenet of Buddhism - life is suffering

Apr 18, 2019 12:57:40 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

It is best to accept this and not suffer the suffering

Apr 18, 2019 12:58:26 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

I’m personally don’t believe that it has to be suffering at all

Apr 18, 2019 12:59:52 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

You don’t have to walk on your hands and knees through the desert. You only have to allow yourself to live what it loves

Apr 18, 2019 1:00:15 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

To love what you love

Apr 18, 2019 1:24:19 PM Me

Thank you for this.

Apr 18, 2019 1:24:40 PM Me

At drs, in room waiting

Apr 19, 2019 12:01:16 PM Me

Happy Friday! Hope your day is going well and you’re getting everything you want

Apr 19, 2019 12:09:07 PM +13038752587

Happy Friday to you as well 😀🎉

Apr 19, 2019 12:09:45 PM +13038752587

Was reading a post today about Easter and I had a thought a few hours later

Apr 19, 2019 12:10:29 PM +13038752587

Jesus died and 3 days later rise again

Apr 19, 2019 12:11:05 PM +13038752587

There has been lots of talk in the personal growth sphere of

Apr 19, 2019 12:11:10 PM Me

That would mean he died today

Apr 19, 2019 12:11:20 PM +13038752587

Yes

Apr 19, 2019 12:11:29 PM +13038752587

Dark night of the soul

Apr 19, 2019 12:11:51 PM +13038752587

Your old self must die to your new self

Apr 19, 2019 12:12:10 PM +13038752587

Etc

Apr 19, 2019 12:13:48 PM +13038752587

So Easter could be a good time to let go of the old ways and embrace the new.

Apr 19, 2019 12:14:22 PM +13038752587

A personal resurrection

Apr 19, 2019 12:47:19 PM Me

Wow. Great idea

Apr 19, 2019 12:47:23 PM Me

Like that

Apr 19, 2019 12:48:49 PM +13038752587

Feeling it’s time to let go of struggle and forcing, and move into ease and flow

Apr 19, 2019 12:49:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YES

Apr 19, 2019 12:49:13 PM Me

10,000%

Apr 21, 2019 10:40:53 AM Me

Happy Easter 🐣🐇🐰

Apr 21, 2019 10:41:23 AM Me

If you see you your mom tell her thank you from the boys!

Apr 21, 2019 10:42:04 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Apr 21, 2019 10:42:08 AM Me

Apr 21, 2019 10:42:18 AM +13038752587

I will pass your message along

Apr 21, 2019 10:42:29 AM +13038752587

How old is he now

Apr 21, 2019 10:42:46 AM Me

He’s 12. 13 this summer

Apr 21, 2019 10:43:13 AM +13038752587

WOW

Apr 21, 2019 10:43:25 AM Me

Apr 21, 2019 10:43:28 AM Me

Declan, 16

Apr 21, 2019 10:43:38 AM Me

Aidan is asleep

Apr 21, 2019 10:43:50 AM Me

But he’s taller than me

Apr 21, 2019 10:43:57 AM Me

6’ 2”

Apr 21, 2019 10:44:39 AM Me

Yeah, no more kids for me. All teens now

Apr 21, 2019 10:46:25 AM +13038752587

3 is a good numbers

Apr 21, 2019 10:47:16 AM Me

Less than 10 years they’ll all be full blown adults

Apr 21, 2019 10:47:54 AM Me

Your kids are VERY cute. Enjoy them while they’re little

Apr 21, 2019 10:48:19 AM Me

They grow up and start talking back

Apr 21, 2019 10:51:40 AM +13038752587

That has already begun with Willow

Apr 23, 2019 4:40:49 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Tuesday

Apr 24, 2019 1:02:51 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 56 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Did you watch the money revealed video

Apr 24, 2019 2:59:35 PM Me

Hi there.

Apr 24, 2019 2:59:48 PM Me

I have it queued up on screen, but have not watched yet

Apr 24, 2019 3:02:34 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

It’s 1.45 hr - I watched it at speed 1.25

Apr 24, 2019 3:02:52 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Wellb worth the time

Apr 24, 2019 3:03:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Apr 24, 2019 3:03:13 PM Me

thanks for the suggestion of watching it fast.

Apr 24, 2019 3:03:16 PM Me

how are you doing?

Apr 24, 2019 3:03:29 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Limbo

Apr 24, 2019 3:03:38 PM +13038752587

Great of course

Apr 24, 2019 3:03:46 PM Me

limbo?

Apr 24, 2019 3:03:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It’s nice to be able to be here

Apr 24, 2019 3:04:12 PM Me

at home with the kids?

Apr 24, 2019 3:04:25 PM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - time to stop 🛑 the craziness

Apr 24, 2019 3:04:55 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

And create my desired life - do what I do - and make $$$

Apr 24, 2019 3:05:15 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

So I am quitting my smaller clients

Apr 24, 2019 3:05:23 PM Me

WOW

Apr 24, 2019 3:05:27 PM Me

big decision

Apr 24, 2019 3:06:09 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Focusing on bringing in 5-10 clients that can invest 3-5k mo into growing their business

Apr 24, 2019 3:06:20 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

I have one 😀

Apr 24, 2019 3:06:36 PM Me

that’s a start! 😊

Apr 24, 2019 3:06:39 PM Me

good for you

Apr 24, 2019 6:30:02 PM Me

I’m a week away from my birthday and feeling like absolute shit about it already.

Apr 24, 2019 6:33:57 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Dude...

Apr 24, 2019 6:34:02 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

You made it

Apr 24, 2019 6:34:09 PM +13038752587

Half a century

Apr 24, 2019 6:34:17 PM +13038752587

Awesome 👏

Apr 24, 2019 6:34:24 PM +13038752587

Congratulations 🎉🍾🎊

Apr 24, 2019 6:52:23 PM +13038752587

Reflect on all the amazing things you did.

Apr 24, 2019 6:57:36 PM Me

It’s hard when only regrets come to mind. Trying to let go of the cloud of depression that my head is apparently inside of.

Apr 24, 2019 6:58:28 PM Me

Best way to describe it is I feel like I let everyone down consistently.

Apr 24, 2019 6:59:30 PM +13038752587

What causes you to feel that way?

Apr 24, 2019 6:59:50 PM +13038752587

How are letting yourself down?

Apr 24, 2019 7:13:45 PM Me

I’m thinking on that. Will get back to you

Apr 24, 2019 7:36:18 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

What episode one to night - there is a great quote from buckminster fuller from Robert kyosaki

Apr 24, 2019 7:40:52 PM Me

I watched preview and 2nd vidz how do I see others?

Apr 24, 2019 7:41:24 PM +13038752587

Did you registered

Apr 24, 2019 7:41:40 PM +13038752587

Sign up

Apr 24, 2019 7:41:59 PM +13038752587

They sent emails with links

Apr 24, 2019 7:56:29 PM +13038752587

I emailed you the link

Apr 24, 2019 7:59:04 PM Me

K, thanks!

Apr 25, 2019 9:03:40 AM Me

Good morning! I watched about an hour of the program last night. Have more to watch. Does it expire?

Apr 25, 2019 9:07:26 AM Me

So what causes me to feel the way I do? To me it’s many things. Lack of confidence, stress about many, many things, lack of sleep, anxiety and depression mood swings.

Apr 25, 2019 9:07:57 AM +13038752587

Good morning ☀️

Apr 25, 2019 9:08:10 AM +13038752587

Apr 25, 2019 9:10:28 AM Me

It’s ironic that I live in a very special and spiritual place, Ojai, in a beautiful campus in an idyllic setting yet find myself struggling to keep my spirits up and outlook positive.

Apr 25, 2019 9:15:32 AM +13038752587

The things you listed are not the root - they appears as reasons. They are actually manifestations of the root. Dig deeper

Apr 25, 2019 9:30:10 AM Me

My tendency is to always see the negative, what’s not working, what’s not right. It was conditioning from when I was a kid

Apr 25, 2019 9:32:55 AM +13038752587

Keep digging ⚒

Apr 25, 2019 9:33:47 AM +13038752587

You said your tendency and conditioning

Apr 25, 2019 9:34:29 AM +13038752587

What’s underneath those

Apr 25, 2019 9:45:42 AM Me

Thinking?

Apr 25, 2019 9:45:48 AM Me

Patterns?

Apr 25, 2019 9:46:45 AM +13038752587

What do you need to believe to experience looking for the negative?

Apr 25, 2019 10:16:56 AM Me

Marie kondo the tidy up lady was just in my coffee shop

Apr 25, 2019 10:29:14 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 45 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Apr 25, 2019 10:29:21 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 45 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Spark joy

Apr 27, 2019 8:42:56 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 26 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 27, 2019 8:43:10 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 25 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Another beautiful day 😀

Apr 28, 2019 9:09:29 AM Me

Nice. Happy Sunday!!!

Apr 29, 2019 2:29:29 PM Me

hey there, happy Monday. How goes it?

Apr 29, 2019 2:30:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Was given some big time constructive criticism today regarding my being “on time” to things and it really rung my bell. Need some strategies to being better.

Apr 29, 2019 2:30:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, watched the entire first video of that money series—it was VERY good. Do you have the other links?

Apr 29, 2019 2:38:06 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Hey there

Apr 29, 2019 2:38:18 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Waiting in the snow ❄️ here

Apr 29, 2019 2:39:01 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

78 yesterday- 38 and dropping

Apr 29, 2019 2:39:20 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Rain 🌧 turning to snow

Apr 29, 2019 2:45:45 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

No - they pulled them 24 hrs after release

Apr 29, 2019 2:46:01 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

I have most recorded

Apr 29, 2019 3:09:51 PM Me

Snow? Wtf?

Apr 29, 2019 3:09:59 PM Me

Awesome on recordings.

Apr 29, 2019 3:10:21 PM Me

I didn’t know that they were dead in 24 hours. They mention re-watching things in the video, so I find it weird that they remove them when they’re suggesting you watch them multiple times

Apr 29, 2019 3:23:10 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Sales a strategy - watch for Free for 24 hrs from release. Watch in demand for $297 forever

Apr 29, 2019 3:24:15 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Oprah and Depak do same thing for meditation series. Watch for free - but whole program

Apr 29, 2019 3:24:40 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Session 6 is active until 6pm

Apr 29, 2019 3:35:06 PM Me

K

Apr 29, 2019 3:37:22 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 11 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Emailed you link to main screening page

Apr 29, 2019 4:25:15 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 23 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 29, 2019 5:48:53 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

wow

Apr 30, 2019 9:57:56 AM Me

Good morning!

Apr 30, 2019 9:58:30 AM Me

Realize today is my last day of being 40 something

Apr 30, 2019 9:58:53 AM +13038752587

Good morning 😃

Apr 30, 2019 10:03:52 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Besides being an arbitrary number- what does it mean to you

Apr 30, 2019 10:05:55 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 46 seconds) +13038752587

And CONGRATULATIONS 🎉🍾 on making it to this moment

Apr 30, 2019 10:08:05 AM (Read by them after 23 seconds) Me

It means I’m ending another decade. Its a milestone for sure.

Apr 30, 2019 10:08:41 AM Me

Thanks for the congratulations on survival 😊

Apr 30, 2019 10:13:40 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Exciting times ahead

Apr 30, 2019 10:22:19 AM Me

I’ve never done well with my birthdays since I turned 30. Each year I have more anxiety around this time, especially the day of.

Apr 30, 2019 10:25:48 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Well then this birthday is a great time changing that 😃

Apr 30, 2019 10:26:28 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

That is the old story - tell me the new one

Apr 30, 2019 10:32:32 AM (Read by them after 23 seconds) Me

I agree.

Apr 30, 2019 10:33:59 AM (Read by them after 23 seconds) Me

Maybe go for a hike?

Apr 30, 2019 10:34:05 AM Me

For me, tomorrow is just another day. I had planned on taking the whole day off, but I have standing meetings all morning (one of which is a new client project for A+L). So meetings tomorrow from 8am - 12 noon. Then I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself.

Apr 30, 2019 10:34:25 AM Me

Sleep?

Apr 30, 2019 10:34:42 AM Me

Got this feedback from a client yesterday which was nice

Apr 30, 2019 10:34:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Apr 30, 2019 10:35:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It was a pile of comments from people inside technical documentation

Apr 30, 2019 10:35:11 AM +13038752587

Nice

Apr 30, 2019 10:35:26 AM Me

I was able to make sense of it at a glance—one of my technical superpowers

Apr 30, 2019 10:35:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

we didn’t need to chat at all.

Apr 30, 2019 10:35:51 AM Me

I fixed it on the first pass

Apr 30, 2019 10:36:04 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

😀

May 01, 2019 9:05:47 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

The day has arrived! You are now officially “old”...

May 01, 2019 9:06:12 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 52 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Well, that’s what we used to think 🤔

May 01, 2019 9:07:21 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 51 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Hopefully, we are about 1/3 of the way along the journey.

May 01, 2019 9:08:40 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 50 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

This is your official welcome to “50s”. We are happy you have joined us 😁

May 01, 2019 9:09:24 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 49 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Birthday 🎂🎈🎉🎁🎊

May 01, 2019 11:59:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha, thank you for being my representative and welcoming me to the fold.

May 01, 2019 11:59:39 AM Me

So far I’ve had 3 meetings this morning and about to go into my 4th right now.

May 01, 2019 12:02:09 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have Apple Pay

May 01, 2019 5:47:34 PM Me

Hey there, I just had a memory of you at three erasure concert dancing around

May 01, 2019 5:47:46 PM Me

The not three

May 01, 2019 5:48:33 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Great time- think I can still do that dance 💃

May 01, 2019 6:01:01 PM Me

That would be great to see

May 01, 2019 6:05:08 PM +13038752587

YouTube
Erasure A Little Respect (Official Video)

May 03, 2019 10:00:01 AM Me

Hey there, its Friday!

May 03, 2019 10:00:03 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Hope you’re doing well.

May 03, 2019 10:00:37 AM Me

Feeling a little blue today, and seeing if I can keep it at bay

May 03, 2019 10:14:49 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Friday

May 03, 2019 10:18:21 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Look for the yellow in the day

May 03, 2019 11:38:30 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

The sunshine 🌞, the brightness, the joy, the happiness

May 03, 2019 11:38:55 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have Apple Pay set up on your phone?

May 03, 2019 11:45:29 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I do not

May 06, 2019 10:29:31 AM Me

Hi, how are you?

May 06, 2019 2:23:05 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Good and you?

May 06, 2019 2:53:29 PM Me

scrambling to keep up. feel like too much work at the moment.

May 06, 2019 2:53:40 PM Me

which is better than having no work I guess.

May 06, 2019 2:53:57 PM +13038752587

True

May 06, 2019 2:55:03 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

One thing at a time - focused attention 😳

May 06, 2019 2:55:11 PM Me

yeah

May 06, 2019 2:55:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hear ya

May 06, 2019 2:55:24 PM Me

k, have to pickup declan from school. back online in about 30min

May 06, 2019 2:55:50 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

👌

May 06, 2019 2:56:25 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

You saw it your sister-in-law Jennifer’s bday?

May 06, 2019 4:01:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no I did not

May 09, 2019 9:37:58 AM Me

Hi out there in the land of legal mushrooms

May 09, 2019 9:38:15 AM Me

Hope I’m not catching you in the middle of a trip

May 09, 2019 9:38:56 AM Me

🥺😳🤪

May 09, 2019 9:48:30 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

😎

May 09, 2019 9:48:41 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Did it just pass?

May 09, 2019 10:23:19 AM Me

Did what just pass?

May 09, 2019 10:46:59 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Legal mushrooms

May 09, 2019 10:56:13 AM (Read by them after 14 seconds) Me

yes, in Denver

May 09, 2019 10:56:19 AM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

are you tripping?

May 09, 2019 10:56:20 AM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

😊

May 09, 2019 10:59:18 AM (Read by you after 29 seconds) +13038752587

Full dosage or micro?

May 09, 2019 10:59:37 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Personal growth or commercial?

May 09, 2019 11:00:00 AM Me

I think both

May 13, 2019 9:46:07 AM Me

Good morning! Happy Monday, wonder how things are going for you. Been really busy last couple weeks with lots of work. Levels are very high and feeling lots of anxiety to deliver

May 13, 2019 9:48:54 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Must be in the air- same feeling here - lots to do this week

May 16, 2019 10:22:37 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 23 seconds) Me

hey how are you doing?

May 16, 2019 10:37:42 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Good- you

May 16, 2019 10:38:06 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

?

May 16, 2019 10:52:15 AM Me

been busy so its been a distraction. stress levels have been very high for about 2+ weeks since I took on a project management role for A+L. I have 5 active projects right now 2 are very busy, one I am PM on, and the other 2 are active, but not touching them every day.

May 16, 2019 10:52:27 AM Me

Feeling of overwhelm is always on my shoulder.

May 16, 2019 10:52:54 AM Me

haven’t found a rhythm being this busy

May 16, 2019 11:06:28 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

That is definitely in the air everywhere

May 20, 2019 9:47:32 AM Me

Hey there, how goes it?

May 20, 2019 10:01:17 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

May 20, 2019 10:01:38 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Rough week with the girls being sick 😷

May 20, 2019 10:02:02 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Willow is at the end - Lilly is in the middle

May 20, 2019 10:03:30 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah and I have been mega dosing vitamin c. We avoided a direct hit, altough we can feel it. Sore throats, low fever 🤒

May 20, 2019 10:04:24 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes) +13038752587

It’s hard to know all you can do is comfort them and control their temperatures

May 20, 2019 10:05:10 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

How are you?

May 20, 2019 10:25:37 AM Me

Good to hear you’re learning the tricks of parenting!

May 20, 2019 10:26:30 AM Me

I’m doing OK. Liz is leaving for camping today for the rest of the end of the week. 20 years of this and I’m still anxious about her departure. I’m not sure what the underlying anxiety is there maybe abandonment? Unsure but it’s definitely bothersome. Any suggestions?

May 20, 2019 10:35:57 AM Me

I may text you this week for support 😁

May 20, 2019 10:36:18 AM Me

Nuggets of wisdom

May 20, 2019 10:38:24 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 7 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

On a call - I’ll send more when done

May 20, 2019 10:38:41 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 7 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

In the mean time stay focused on task at hand

May 20, 2019 1:46:16 PM Me

Ok, cool.

May 20, 2019 1:46:54 PM Me

Had 2 morning meetings im done with. Now on to lunch and tasks.

May 20, 2019 5:01:36 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Camping with the school?

May 20, 2019 5:02:09 PM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Will you be solo parenting

May 20, 2019 6:02:25 PM Me

Yeah, Liz is off camping with the students. Its the spring camping time again

May 20, 2019 6:02:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am solo parenting.

May 20, 2019 6:02:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Teenagers can wipe their own ass, but they talk back FAR more than wee ones.

May 20, 2019 6:18:17 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

I don’t know - Willow has already begun to tell us “no” and “here is what I want “

May 21, 2019 10:22:16 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning forming sunny ☀️ and warm Colorado

May 21, 2019 10:25:54 AM Me

That’s really funny. How are you doing today?

May 21, 2019 10:26:08 AM Me

Any insights for me on making it through Friday

May 21, 2019 10:26:23 AM Me

Been listening to subliminal YouTube videos

May 21, 2019 10:27:01 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Good overall - about 100 temp less snotty

May 21, 2019 10:27:28 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Put your head down and keep plowing ahead

May 21, 2019 10:28:31 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

😂 LOL

May 21, 2019 10:28:59 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

SHIFT your Question -

May 21, 2019 10:29:50 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

How do I have the most incredible week while Liz is away?

May 21, 2019 10:30:27 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

What amazing things are possible?

May 21, 2019 10:53:30 AM (Read by them after 24 seconds) Me

I like how you’re trying to reframe things.

May 21, 2019 10:54:30 AM Me

You know, over time I can see how shifting perspective and such helps, but I find myself still ‘stuck’, ie, depressed and anxiety rattled.

May 21, 2019 10:54:40 AM Me

Then I keep seeing articles like this:

May 21, 2019 10:54:43 AM Me

Human Parts

May 21, 2019 10:54:57 AM Me

or other referencing micro dosing.

May 21, 2019 10:55:03 AM Me

You know anyone who’s done this?

May 21, 2019 10:55:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

macrodosing mushrooms.

May 21, 2019 11:29:15 AM +13038752587

Macro ?

May 21, 2019 11:29:26 AM +13038752587

🙀

May 21, 2019 11:29:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

microdosing

May 21, 2019 11:29:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

May 21, 2019 11:29:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you’re right. You would turn into a kitty with no eyes

May 21, 2019 11:29:59 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

No- what did Jamie and genome project say about it

May 21, 2019 2:25:56 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 50 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

“You know, over time I can see how shifting perspective and such helps, but I find myself still ‘stuck’, ie, depressed and anxiety rattled.”

May 21, 2019 2:26:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 49 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

The point is not to analyze the exercise. It is to do the exercise

May 21, 2019 2:31:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 44 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Ultimately, I feel you will need to continue practice shifting your state of mind. Until some day you don’t.

May 21, 2019 2:31:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 44 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Are you still doing morning routine?

May 21, 2019 2:32:30 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 43 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Shift in the morning, shift at lunch, shift at dinner, shift at bedtime. Shift when ever you need to.

May 21, 2019 2:33:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 43 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Drugs will also help your brain chemistry but not the pathways.

May 21, 2019 2:35:09 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Your brain is conditioned and the pathways have been well formed. It is going to take effort to firm new ones and divert traffic permanently. Just like highway repairs seem to take for ever until one day there done and you find yourself unable to remember how it was before.

May 21, 2019 2:35:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Continual daily action

May 21, 2019 2:38:07 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

To accelerate the permanent shift you could go to some courses designed to shake up your pathways and beliefs

May 21, 2019 6:23:59 PM +13038752587

May 21, 2019 6:24:04 PM +13038752587

Look him up online

May 21, 2019 6:24:12 PM Me

I’ve heard of him

May 21, 2019 6:24:32 PM Me

actually think I’ve seen some youtube videos of his.

May 23, 2019 8:31:19 AM Me

Good morning over there

May 23, 2019 8:44:43 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

GM

May 23, 2019 8:44:55 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Feeding Lilly right now

May 23, 2019 9:03:37 AM Me

Just talk to your mom for 25 minutes. I called my parents house, and she answered the phone! Had a great time catching up with her

May 23, 2019 9:11:43 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 19 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

😀

May 30, 2019 9:41:17 AM (Read by them after 26 seconds) Me

Hey there. how is it going over in Colorado?

May 30, 2019 10:05:55 AM Me

Having a mental struggle today. Ugh

May 30, 2019 2:36:57 PM Me

Hope all is going ok 👌 😁

May 30, 2019 2:40:39 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Crazy

May 30, 2019 2:40:46 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

How are you?

May 30, 2019 2:41:07 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Have you kept noise to a minimum

May 31, 2019 9:40:23 AM Me

good morning. By “crazy” do you mean things are crazy for you?

May 31, 2019 9:41:56 AM Me

I’ve been better. Been under alot of stress past 3 weeks. Higher than normal from work. Also end of school year time. Graduation is tomorrow for Thacher. Kids out of school in less than 2 weeks. Its transition to summer time. Always hectic and unpredictable.

May 31, 2019 9:42:15 AM Me

“keeping noise to minimum” are you referring to me keeping it down?

May 31, 2019 9:44:21 AM +13038752587

Crazy as in signs to change things up. Had a client basically threatened to sue me if I did not do what that what. Upside got lots of clarity and it’s an empty threat

May 31, 2019 9:44:48 AM +13038752587

They want - not that what

May 31, 2019 9:45:57 AM +13038752587

Realization, I’m still doing the little things- upside setting clear boundaries

May 31, 2019 9:46:39 AM Me

had someone want to sue me a long, long time ago after I threatened to take them to court.

May 31, 2019 9:46:47 AM Me

they didn’t pay their bill.

May 31, 2019 9:46:58 AM Me

I regret never taking them to court.

May 31, 2019 9:46:58 AM +13038752587

I find myself in a very similar “space” even though the environment is a bit different

May 31, 2019 9:47:39 AM Me

but my lawyer friend said, you can spend all that time making your case, win the case and get a judgement, but that doesnt make the money show up

May 31, 2019 9:47:49 AM +13038752587

The spinning of plates game is over fir me

May 31, 2019 9:48:00 AM +13038752587

True

May 31, 2019 9:48:19 AM +13038752587

Court is a waste of money and time in most cases

May 31, 2019 9:48:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so I never pursued it. Spent time working on projects and billing

May 31, 2019 9:48:29 AM +13038752587

Especially for low dollars

May 31, 2019 9:48:37 AM Me

It was about 5k

May 31, 2019 9:49:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

would have lost lots of time I spent working on projects. anyhow i digress

May 31, 2019 9:49:09 AM +13038752587

Best to cut your losses and move on

May 31, 2019 9:49:40 AM Me

so what’s your change up now? to move away from spinning plates?

May 31, 2019 9:49:53 AM Me

I hear you on that = spinning plates

May 31, 2019 9:50:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

can drive you nuts

May 31, 2019 9:51:17 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I have a client right now that covers 50% of income- coaching/consulting/business development

May 31, 2019 9:51:42 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Right up case study and attract more of these type of clients

May 31, 2019 9:52:52 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

I know that coaching people is very fulfilling for me - and can provide the income I desire

May 31, 2019 9:53:27 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

I also want to create - diy programs that run on auto

May 31, 2019 9:58:59 AM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

I have clarity if vision - now it time to step into the fire 🔥 (fear) and out the other side

May 31, 2019 10:46:28 AM Me

Yes!

May 31, 2019 11:10:13 AM Me

Have you started?

May 31, 2019 11:15:13 AM Me

I have something to text you later. Need your feedback

May 31, 2019 11:26:00 AM +13038752587

Started back with Transilient/ now com full circle back to Thrive . Launch 🚀 tomorrow with first video

May 31, 2019 11:26:12 AM +13038752587

Ok - send my way

Jun 03, 2019 2:00:26 PM Me

Hi, how are you over there in Colorado?

Jun 03, 2019 2:01:02 PM Me

Graduation for Thacher on past Saturday. Aidan would have graduated from here if he had stayed in. Somewhat bittersweet in the way.

Jun 03, 2019 2:01:45 PM Me

We were at a soccer tournament all weekend. Darragh‘s team made it to the final game and lost 10. It was a bummer, but great that they couldn’t make it that far. Declans team did all right, but teams in his bracket got into a fight and they had to kick them out of the tournament. So he didn’t get to play as many games and was bombed

Jun 03, 2019 2:02:10 PM Me

Speech to text mangled things

Jun 03, 2019 2:09:06 PM Me

How is your transient re-launch going?

Jun 03, 2019 3:19:49 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like a good weekend

Jun 03, 2019 3:20:28 PM Me

So busy. Spent my entire weekend doing that stuff. And got nothing done on my big task lists

Jun 03, 2019 3:20:38 PM +13038752587

Not much here with launch - I got distracted by yard work and Aunt Sharon Karl and Kievin we’re here

Jun 03, 2019 3:20:54 PM Me

Cool!

Jun 03, 2019 3:26:04 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Feeling screwed right now- had a client miss payment - funds are low- bills to pay - behind on work - ahhh Monday

Jun 03, 2019 3:46:45 PM Me

That feels like everyday to me

Jun 03, 2019 3:48:14 PM +13038752587

I do not sit well in it - however I have been allowing other small tasks to distract me from the main one

Jun 03, 2019 3:49:21 PM Me

Me either. My nervous system feels fractured. I’m convinced that I’ve had a nervous breakdown and just continue to push on and function 😊

Jun 03, 2019 3:49:43 PM Me

I also get easily disctracted from my core tasks.

Jun 03, 2019 3:49:59 PM +13038752587

And keep repeating this circle - although it is beginning to become a spiral up

Jun 03, 2019 3:50:09 PM Me

or a spiral down

Jun 03, 2019 3:50:12 PM Me

😊

Jun 03, 2019 3:50:15 PM +13038752587

Lol

Jun 03, 2019 3:50:51 PM +13038752587

What the kicker is I am reluctant to follow my own advice

Jun 03, 2019 3:52:38 PM Me

I find myself giving advice to the boys constantly and at the end thinking “I need to practice what I preach”

Jun 03, 2019 3:52:41 PM Me

because I’m not

Jun 03, 2019 3:58:23 PM +13038752587

Well - I think we have the answer

Jun 03, 2019 3:59:04 PM +13038752587

Do unto yourself as you would do unto others

Jun 03, 2019 3:59:46 PM +13038752587

Baby woke up from nap 😴- now napping on me

Jun 03, 2019 4:00:03 PM Me

nice

Jun 03, 2019 4:00:09 PM Me

I need a nap speaking of that

Jun 03, 2019 4:00:13 PM +13038752587

Jun 03, 2019 4:00:25 PM Me

you look sleepy too

Jun 03, 2019 4:00:45 PM +13038752587

I am - did not sleep well last night

Jun 03, 2019 4:01:10 PM Me

didn’t know you had the James Harden Beard going on

Jun 03, 2019 4:01:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 3 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Jun 03, 2019 4:01:42 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 3 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Due for a trim

Jun 03, 2019 4:31:38 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

What would you charge to reactivate a dormant website build. Went quiet 3 mos ago. 8k original price - 6k paid

Jun 03, 2019 5:05:04 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 47 seconds) Me

how much work you talking?

Jun 03, 2019 5:10:23 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Almost a new start

Jun 03, 2019 5:11:41 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Revisit project - re approval if design or new design - build with my content for now - they can add theirs when the creat it

Jun 03, 2019 5:12:02 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Create temp site as original one has to go

Jun 03, 2019 5:34:15 PM Me

So you’re having to take this old site, use the content that’s inside of it, and create an entirely new website?

Jun 03, 2019 5:34:32 PM Me

Are you creating a new design? Or are you using what you have?

Jun 03, 2019 5:35:12 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

New design was created and approved - never got new content

Jun 03, 2019 5:35:36 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Now think the new design may need a rethinking

Jun 03, 2019 5:38:15 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

This is the new design

Jun 03, 2019 5:38:20 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

https://ci.transilient.net/

Jun 03, 2019 5:48:21 PM Me

That’s what I see by default I don’t know who this is. (Facetious)

Jun 03, 2019 5:48:52 PM Me

Is this Divi?

Jun 03, 2019 5:50:25 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 33 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jun 04, 2019 9:25:58 AM Me

I would charge between 1-2k to resurrect it with the old design and new content. If you were to do a new design I would say 3k more, so 4-5k

Jun 04, 2019 9:26:09 AM Me

Oh and good morning!

Jun 04, 2019 10:59:39 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks

Jun 04, 2019 10:59:45 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Jun 04, 2019 11:02:30 AM Me

Hi

Jun 04, 2019 11:03:33 AM Me

Doing my best over here to fight off old thought patterns that want me to feel bad and make me feel worthless

Jun 04, 2019 11:04:24 AM Me

Trying to stay busy and not be depressed

Jun 04, 2019 11:52:27 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

That is good

Jun 05, 2019 11:59:04 AM Me

How goes your Tuesday?

Jun 05, 2019 3:54:10 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

My Wednesday goes well 😀

Jun 05, 2019 3:54:43 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Working in Lyons - we are doing a camping night about 30 mins away

Jun 05, 2019 3:54:56 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

How about you?

Jun 05, 2019 4:14:16 PM Me

I’m ok. Lots of work and dint feel like working. Its summer outside.

Jun 05, 2019 4:20:51 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

I know - worked last night til 2:30

Jun 05, 2019 4:21:14 PM Me

wow. that has me beat!

Jun 05, 2019 4:21:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

A little useless today - put in 4 hrs - no happy hour

Jun 05, 2019 4:21:24 PM Me

I was up until about 1am but just relaxing

Jun 05, 2019 4:21:43 PM Me

yeah, going until the wee hours does make you useless the next day.

Jun 05, 2019 4:21:56 PM Me

I can typically only handle production-like work.

Jun 05, 2019 4:22:04 PM Me

Forget create on demand tasks

Jun 05, 2019 4:22:14 PM Me

dont have the brain power to be creative

Jun 05, 2019 4:22:46 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 05, 2019 4:23:02 PM Me

that looks nice

Jun 05, 2019 4:29:48 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 05, 2019 4:34:03 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 05, 2019 4:34:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

that is a super cute kid

Jun 05, 2019 4:35:51 PM Me

our boys never got those chairs. think they came along after those wouldn’t work for them. they got too big

Jun 06, 2019 10:42:46 AM Me

Hey there, hope your day is going well!

Jun 06, 2019 11:27:05 AM Me

Sitting here wondering why everything feels so fucked up. Caught in this wicked comparison loop. Comparing myself to others and then beating myself up because I feel like shit. I’m not a good enough husband, a shitty father, has done poor planning for mine and my families future, on and on and on.

Jun 06, 2019 11:27:14 AM Me

I f I could pull that asshole out of my head and shoot him I would

Jun 06, 2019 11:27:43 AM Me

Sick of the criticism

Jun 06, 2019 11:30:31 AM Me

I cannot remember a day in the past any number of years where I’ve not felt depressed, anxious, negative towards myself in someway. It’s tiring and exhausting, but for some reason I keep doing it. And for the life of me I can’t get underneath what the draw is for me. What’s the win ? what am I getting out of this? Why would I want to feel like shit? It’s exactly the opposite of how I want to feel

Jun 06, 2019 11:31:38 AM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Just getting settle back in the office

Jun 06, 2019 11:32:12 AM +13038752587

Back to back nights with little sleep

Jun 06, 2019 11:32:14 AM Me

No problem, sorry for the unload. I just get these things in my head and really, you’re the only person I share this shit with.

Jun 06, 2019 11:32:39 AM Me

I’m good right now, I’m just getting to work after trying to get a little extra sleep this morning.

Jun 06, 2019 11:34:01 AM Me

Sorry to hear you’ve been struggling on the sleep front

Jun 06, 2019 11:35:42 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Not a struggle - worked late on night, camping ⛺️ the next

Jun 06, 2019 11:37:57 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

It’s an excuse for not taking action to live your desired life.

Jun 06, 2019 11:38:47 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I suspect you are it happy with your life. It is easier to blame yourself and get caught up in all of it.

Jun 06, 2019 11:40:15 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

And there is a strong identity at play. And it does not want to go. I mean who are you if you let go of the identity?

Jun 06, 2019 11:40:58 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

You must decide on what you want your life to be.

Jun 06, 2019 11:42:03 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Then who (a new identity) do you have to become to have what?

Jun 06, 2019 11:42:50 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

Then go become that person

Jun 06, 2019 11:43:17 AM +13038752587

This is how you kill off the old identity

Jun 06, 2019 11:47:16 AM Me

thank you for that

Jun 06, 2019 11:49:04 AM Me

By every objective measure I should be very happy with my life. I live in incredible place, I have a great wife, my kids are good people, yet I Find myself unhappy.

Jun 06, 2019 11:51:51 AM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Identify what your unhappy with

Jun 06, 2019 12:51:41 PM (Read by them after 29 seconds) Me

only place I find myself pointing is at me.

Jun 06, 2019 1:23:25 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Be more specific

Jun 06, 2019 1:28:09 PM Me

I’m mad at myself for not doing things 10-15 years ago that could have made a difference on where I find myself now. decisions and actions I took. I catch myself comparing to other and it triggers these feelings.

Jun 06, 2019 1:28:19 PM (Read by them after 30 seconds) Me

I find that for whatever reason I’m unable to let this go, or forgive myself. Most likely because of the constant reminder when I find myself comparing to others.

Jun 06, 2019 1:33:55 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

I hear a few things

Jun 06, 2019 1:39:09 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

1. Your not completely happy with where you find yourself now

Jun 06, 2019 1:53:04 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

2. You are looking for cause, blame

Jun 06, 2019 1:55:52 PM Me

1 makes sense

Jun 06, 2019 1:56:17 PM Me

2 is interesting. I’ve never thought about that.

Jun 06, 2019 1:56:53 PM Me

That I’m looking to blame someone, and who more perfect than myself

Jun 06, 2019 1:57:40 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

3. You are looking to change things based on your current level of experience on from who you are now. You made the best decision from who you were - the self judgement is self defeating and your telling yourself lies

Jun 06, 2019 1:59:34 PM Me

Looking back I see mistakes. I should have taken action, I didn’t, and now consequences

Jun 06, 2019 1:59:42 PM +13038752587

If you did x then y would have happened. If looking back the crystal ball 🔮 still can’t tell you where you would end up

Jun 06, 2019 2:00:05 PM +13038752587

Those are lies your telling yourself

Jun 06, 2019 2:00:15 PM Me

I know I would have more money for retirement.

Jun 06, 2019 2:02:41 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Perhaps

Jun 06, 2019 2:03:39 PM +13038752587

Maybe you would have been more risky with your retirement funds. Perhaps you would have done ...

Jun 06, 2019 2:03:44 PM Me

I essentially have nothing saved. I went into business for myself and was stupid and never set money aside. 13 years... poof! Nada. Now I don’t ever see the prospect of “retirement” in the sense I can travel and not be burdened with work.

Jun 06, 2019 2:04:03 PM Me

I’ll be working until I drop dead

Jun 06, 2019 2:04:29 PM +13038752587

You took the chance - most people never do and they are in the same boat

Jun 06, 2019 2:04:47 PM Me

True. I did try.

Jun 06, 2019 2:05:09 PM +13038752587

Now out comes the crystal ball 🔮 again- and it’s telling you lies

Jun 06, 2019 2:05:28 PM +13038752587

You did - no trying involved

Jun 06, 2019 2:05:37 PM +13038752587

You learned and moved on

Jun 06, 2019 2:05:55 PM +13038752587

You get to be master of your life

Jun 06, 2019 2:06:03 PM Me

If I hadn’t, I would’ve continued to work for the school. I would’ve continued retirement savings, with matching funds from school. I would likely have hundreds of thousands of dollars right now. Granted I would not of started my business, but I could have tried to start it now with lots of money in the bank and the Safetynet. Now I feel fucked over by myself. Talking this through is making things clear for me

Jun 06, 2019 2:06:14 PM Me

I can see how I’m so pissed at myself

Jun 06, 2019 2:06:36 PM +13038752587

You decide if you work until you die

Jun 06, 2019 2:07:13 PM Me

Food, shelter, and health insurance essentially decide when I stop working. I won’t have the financial means to stop working.

Jun 06, 2019 2:07:24 PM +13038752587

You can still generate millions let alone a few 100k or 2

Jun 06, 2019 2:07:39 PM Me

If I can’t provide the essentials with my own saved resources, then I have to work.

Jun 06, 2019 2:07:53 PM +13038752587

Again your telling yourself lies from your current identity

Jun 06, 2019 2:08:00 PM Me

Haha

Jun 06, 2019 2:08:10 PM Me

I love when you say that

Jun 06, 2019 2:08:11 PM +13038752587

Who do you need to become to have what you want

Jun 06, 2019 2:08:23 PM Me

Great question

Jun 06, 2019 2:08:40 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

1st decide what you want and by when

Jun 06, 2019 2:08:44 PM +13038752587

Then why

Jun 06, 2019 2:08:58 PM Me

K

Jun 06, 2019 2:09:00 PM +13038752587

Then ask the question of who

Jun 06, 2019 2:11:00 PM Me

“Who” what?

Jun 06, 2019 2:11:08 PM +13038752587

Do this before you spend any more time in the “if only” mad house

Jun 06, 2019 2:11:26 PM +13038752587

Who you need to be to have what you want

Jun 06, 2019 2:40:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jun 13, 2019 10:39:06 AM Me

A good morning, was just re-reading what you sent me last and it’s so good

Jun 13, 2019 10:39:46 AM Me

Next Wednesday is Liz and mine 20th wedding anniversary. I’m racking my brain for a clever gift idea. Wonder if you have any ideas?

Jun 13, 2019 12:31:22 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - 20 years 🎉

Jun 13, 2019 12:33:57 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

Traditionally it was china

Jun 13, 2019 12:34:04 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Modern is platinum

Jun 13, 2019 12:34:54 PM (Read by them after 37 seconds) Me

I know, 20 years. I cannot believe it myself

Jun 15, 2019 2:06:22 PM Me

Happy Saturday! Hope all is well.

Jun 15, 2019 2:15:47 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Jun 15, 2019 2:15:53 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Come eats

Jun 15, 2019 2:15:59 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Esta

Jun 15, 2019 2:16:09 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Love spell check

Jun 15, 2019 2:16:21 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Como esta

Jun 15, 2019 2:18:39 PM Me

Bien Ta Bien

Jun 15, 2019 3:10:23 PM +13038752587

Jun 15, 2019 3:10:29 PM +13038752587

5 years next week

Jun 15, 2019 3:11:28 PM Me

Why do I know that bottle?

Jun 15, 2019 3:21:48 PM +13038752587

It’s the brewery we went to in Carbondale before the wedding

Jun 15, 2019 3:33:12 PM +13038752587

Jun 15, 2019 3:34:22 PM Me

Ok now I remember. What a weekend that was.

Jun 15, 2019 3:35:00 PM Me

Beautiful location, but a bitch to get to

Jun 15, 2019 3:47:26 PM +13038752587

Last weekend

Jun 15, 2019 3:47:55 PM Me

Wow! That looks awesome

Jun 15, 2019 3:48:19 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

how long you been growing the beard? That thing is getting bushy

Jun 15, 2019 4:30:55 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

That’s probably 3-4 months length

Jun 15, 2019 4:31:16 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Much shorter now - just trimmed

Jun 15, 2019 4:45:51 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

wow.

Jun 15, 2019 4:46:12 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

I started growing one. let it go a month and a half. It felt big.

Jun 15, 2019 4:46:18 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

then I cut it off

Jun 15, 2019 4:59:24 PM +13038752587

I’ve let it grow 7 months

Jun 15, 2019 4:59:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Santa

Jun 16, 2019 7:12:37 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 33 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Happy Father’s Day!! Have a great day 😃

Jun 16, 2019 9:46:51 AM Me

Hey there, Happy Fathers Day to you! Have a great day!!! 😁

Jun 16, 2019 9:51:12 AM +13038752587

Jun 16, 2019 9:51:38 AM Me

You skiing today?

Jun 16, 2019 9:51:51 AM +13038752587

Yes

Jun 16, 2019 9:52:13 AM +13038752587

Until 1 - then dinner at Barry’s

Jun 16, 2019 9:53:07 AM Me

Nice. About to watch USA v Chile in women’s World Cup, then go on hike when Liz is back from training ride. Then dinner here with Nat and Laura later

Jun 16, 2019 9:53:34 AM Me

Sounds like you have a great day going on out there. Very happy for you!

Jun 16, 2019 9:53:51 AM +13038752587

Thanks - your day sounds good too

Jun 16, 2019 9:54:22 AM Me

I’ve texted my brother, but I can’t forget to call my dad

Jun 16, 2019 9:56:01 AM +13038752587

Call now

Jun 18, 2019 10:08:19 AM Me

Hey there, how goes Tuesday?

Jun 18, 2019 10:10:18 AM Me

I’ve been dealing with very high stress levels from work. I have a project where I am project manager and I am out of my depth. It’s very stressful, and not fun at all. We are writing a requirements document and I feel useless

Jun 18, 2019 10:25:32 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Jun 18, 2019 10:28:06 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

This is normal- you are expanding- growing pains

Jun 18, 2019 10:29:04 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes) +13038752587

You know how to swim 🏊‍♂️. So being in the deep end is no problem.

Jun 18, 2019 10:41:28 AM Me

I guess. Doesn’t feel like it

Jun 18, 2019 10:43:05 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

What is the job description for this project?

Jun 18, 2019 10:43:16 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

How many folks on the team?

Jun 18, 2019 11:02:18 AM Me

It’s a fashion shopping service. Building e-commerce site and 3 mobile apps interacting with it.

Jun 18, 2019 11:02:28 AM Me

4 ppl on team

Jun 18, 2019 12:10:10 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jun 18, 2019 12:10:37 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

What is each person area of expertise?

Jun 18, 2019 12:11:03 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

2 developers, Salesperson, and me

Jun 18, 2019 12:11:43 PM +13038752587

Ecom devs?

Jun 18, 2019 12:12:51 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 42 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

When you say salesperson- your sales person or the company your building it for

Jun 18, 2019 2:56:06 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

regular developers, iOS and Android. Its our salesperson

Jun 18, 2019 2:56:55 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Are you using Ecom platform for store or building from scratch

Jun 18, 2019 3:09:54 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

Woo as the base, then using Woo’s API

Jun 19, 2019 11:12:57 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Anniversary!

Jun 19, 2019 12:25:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thank you!

Jun 19, 2019 12:27:08 PM (Read by them after 48 seconds) Me

We’re headed out to Ventura in a few hours for a couple of days. Since Liz is so close to her race, and training is important, we didn’t get on a plane and go someplace far away (hard to bring her bike). I’m planning a European get away for our 25th. Plan is to stash away $100/mo for many years. 😊

Jun 19, 2019 12:28:47 PM +13038752587

Very nice

Jun 19, 2019 12:28:55 PM +13038752587

When is the race

Jun 19, 2019 12:29:09 PM +13038752587

Good plan for 25th

Jun 19, 2019 12:29:36 PM Me

Upcoming Ironman is July 28th in Lake Placid NY.

Jun 19, 2019 12:29:42 PM Me

We have our plane tix.

Jun 19, 2019 12:30:23 PM Me

Whole family is going. Rented a cabin in the Adirondacks for a week. Should be a fun trip. That’s our “big adventure” as a family this summer.

Jun 19, 2019 12:30:43 PM Me

Otherwise boys are working as camp counselors, Aidan is working, and me too.

Jun 19, 2019 12:31:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

I have not been to Lake Placid in a long time. That will be a good trip

Jun 21, 2019 12:13:09 PM Me

Happy Friday! Happy summer solstice!

Jun 21, 2019 12:32:49 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Yes happy solstice

Jun 21, 2019 12:33:15 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

We were going to go to crystal - but chance of snow up there

Jun 21, 2019 12:39:31 PM Me

Wow

Jun 21, 2019 12:39:49 PM Me

Just back from two days in Ventura staying at the Crowne Plaza right on the beach

Jun 21, 2019 12:42:24 PM +13038752587

Nice

Jun 21, 2019 12:44:29 PM Me

Alas, far too short

Jun 21, 2019 12:44:59 PM Me

But did take mid Wednesday until Monday off from work

Jun 21, 2019 2:40:31 PM (Read by you after 2 days, 21 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Very nice- breaks are important

Jun 23, 2019 3:01:59 PM Me

Hope you’re having a good Sunday

Jun 23, 2019 3:02:50 PM +13038752587

Driving around recharging our battery

Jun 23, 2019 3:03:36 PM +13038752587

Happy Sunday to you 😀

Jun 23, 2019 3:03:50 PM Me

Yes likewise

Jun 23, 2019 3:04:37 PM Me

Darragh turns 13 today. A child no more. We’re done with children. Can’t believe it

Jun 23, 2019 3:51:24 PM +13038752587

Wow

Jun 24, 2019 2:49:06 PM Me

Hey Darrell, sad news here today. Nat, Elizabeth’s dad, passed away this morning. He was 86

Jun 24, 2019 2:51:10 PM +13038752587

Oh no! How is Liz? And you? And the boys?

Jun 24, 2019 2:52:33 PM Me

She’s very sad, and processing. We haven’t been old boys yet. We’re about to this afternoon

Jun 24, 2019 3:22:01 PM +13038752587

I’m sending you all love and our deepest condolences. I can imagine how you are feeling.

Jun 24, 2019 3:22:21 PM +13038752587

Is there anything I can do for you and Liz?

Jun 24, 2019 3:37:00 PM Me

It’s a bit surreal honestly. You know the end is coming for all of us, but it always feels abrupt and unannounced

Jun 24, 2019 3:37:35 PM Me

I don’t think there’s anything. About to go pickup boys from camp. We haven’t told them yet

Jun 24, 2019 3:45:20 PM +13038752587

Lots if hugs 🤗 and deep breaths

Jun 24, 2019 3:46:16 PM +13038752587

Text or call me if you need anything

Jun 24, 2019 3:49:52 PM Me

Will do

Jun 25, 2019 9:48:32 AM Me

Hey Darrell, good morning. I’m struggling this morning. Trying to focus and do things, but can’t. Think Nats passing is affecting me in ways I didn’t expect. Liz is off doing her workouts and riding client horses. She seems ok, and I think it’s he distraction of doing things is good to some degree, but I also understand we need to allow grieving and process our feelings. I guess I need someone to share with and get perspective in terms of what might be best despite what we’re thinking or feeling

Jun 25, 2019 9:50:09 AM Me

I guess I’m traditionally used to two or three days of sitting around doing nothing and just morning passing of someone. Typically there’s a week and a lot of people at funeral and all of that. In this case really not having it. That’s body was taken away for cremation yesterday, and then there’s talk of a memorial/celebration service later in August over at Westlake school. But I don’t think there’s any official formal funeral. I understand different people in different places do things differently, and perhapsThat is what is throwing me off. Is that this is unfolding in a different way

Jun 25, 2019 9:52:49 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Did Nat have a Will with instructions or did his wife know his wishes

Jun 25, 2019 9:53:26 AM Me

They had planned a cremation in advance, and that was put into action yesterday

Jun 25, 2019 9:53:51 AM Me

But talk of nothing else at the moment

Jun 25, 2019 9:54:05 AM Me

But I also didn’t ask

Jun 25, 2019 9:56:44 AM +13038752587

One step at a time

Jun 25, 2019 9:57:05 AM Me

I can ask Sherry if she knows

Jun 25, 2019 9:57:44 AM +13038752587

If Nat had wishes, then it’s a question, can you help, if needed

Jun 25, 2019 9:58:43 AM +13038752587

If not, then it’s a question of, is your input needed?

Jun 25, 2019 9:59:49 AM +13038752587

Setting the logistics of a ceremony and funeral aside.

Jun 25, 2019 10:01:04 AM +13038752587

How are you feeling? What are your thoughts right now?

Jun 25, 2019 10:04:04 AM Me

I’m feeling quite sad, a bit depressed and unsure 😐 but I’m also thinking a lot about Liz and how she’s feeling/doing, and the boys. They we very tears when we told them last night

Jun 25, 2019 10:04:35 AM Me

So worried about my family nd their mental states

Jun 25, 2019 10:04:53 AM Me

I need to be solid for them

Jun 25, 2019 10:05:29 AM Me

I’ve already said to Liz many times, let me know how I can help you

Jun 25, 2019 10:12:12 AM +13038752587

Showing sadness and grieving is strength. I was wondering how the boys were doing

Jun 25, 2019 10:13:42 AM +13038752587

You have been with Liz for years - how does she process death? This is different, but our default way of being is there

Jun 25, 2019 10:14:15 AM Me

She has a VERY hard time processing

Jun 25, 2019 10:15:01 AM Me

She left and rode a horse yesterday when I went to the hospital. She was there and then had to leave and go do something. That’s how she processes

Jun 25, 2019 10:15:15 AM Me

And it’s what she’s out doing now

Jun 25, 2019 10:31:55 AM +13038752587

Horses are very therapeutic. She has always had them to process

Jun 25, 2019 10:32:02 AM Me

very true.

Jun 25, 2019 10:32:13 AM +13038752587

So, it makes sense that is where she would go

Jun 25, 2019 10:32:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its always been her refuge

Jun 25, 2019 10:33:01 AM +13038752587

Mine is the mountains

Jun 25, 2019 10:33:24 AM +13038752587

Did you inform you work?

Jun 25, 2019 10:33:35 AM Me

Mine is mountains too.

Jun 25, 2019 10:33:41 AM Me

That’s actually what I need today.

Jun 25, 2019 10:33:45 AM Me

a good hike

Jun 25, 2019 10:33:49 AM Me

with the dog

Jun 25, 2019 10:34:07 AM Me

I have informed work. did that yesterday, and said that I would be offline for a bit.

Jun 25, 2019 10:34:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think its reasonable that I would be off yesterday and today—besides I’m hourly so they’re not losing money 😊

Jun 25, 2019 10:34:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thanks for mentioning the mountains.

Jun 25, 2019 10:35:27 AM Me

I’m about to do a morning workout, then a tiny bit of work (right now I’m answering emails from yesterday) and then I could go for a hike around 11-11:30.

Jun 25, 2019 10:35:45 AM +13038752587

Sounds like a great plan

Jun 25, 2019 10:36:03 AM +13038752587

Make the hike a priority today

Jun 25, 2019 10:37:22 AM Me

I also have to take Declan to soccer practice today, and then tonight we had a planned poker night with faculty—that is still on. Liz LOVES poker and again, a good activity to engage with friends and colleagues.

Jun 25, 2019 10:51:45 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Keep in community. It is very good

Jun 25, 2019 11:05:13 AM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 34 seconds) Me

yeah

Jun 25, 2019 11:15:30 AM +13038752587

😀

Jun 25, 2019 11:16:33 AM +13038752587

Do you take a moment to sit on your hike and just be / meditate

Jun 25, 2019 11:16:49 AM Me

I wil

Jun 25, 2019 11:16:51 AM Me

will

Jun 26, 2019 11:33:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hi there

Jun 26, 2019 11:36:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

i’m still finding it difficult to operate (work). Doing chores or things that don’t require lots of concentration I can do, but deep focus at the computer, not so much.

Jun 26, 2019 11:52:40 AM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

😃

Jun 26, 2019 11:53:12 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get a hike in yesterday?

Jun 26, 2019 11:53:31 AM Me

I did, and alot of exercise.

Jun 26, 2019 11:53:43 AM Me

About to go workout, just had 2 work meetings.

Jun 26, 2019 11:53:55 AM Me

Then I go to chiropractor

Jun 26, 2019 11:54:00 AM Me

which should feel good

Jun 26, 2019 11:54:07 AM +13038752587

Nice

Jun 26, 2019 11:54:45 AM Me

I’m finding it really hard to concentrate

Jun 26, 2019 11:57:35 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Grab a notebook 📒 and write out how your feeling both about Nats death and what it is triggering for you.

Jun 26, 2019 2:35:48 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you an email - your expert opinion is requested

Jun 26, 2019 2:38:11 PM Me

K

Jun 28, 2019 11:07:38 AM Me

Hi Darrell, I owe you a reply on your email. Sorry been tardy on that. I find myself struggling. This week has been thoroughly and productive yet, and emotionally a roller coaster. I have one more meeting today, going to do it because it work, and then maybe go on a really long hike.

Jun 28, 2019 11:08:00 AM Me

I have to say it is very strange to be with my family, yet I feel so alone

Jun 28, 2019 11:24:15 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Bring a journal with you on your hike/ sit down and write out your feelings then take 15-20 mins of meditation

Jun 28, 2019 11:46:48 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

How are the kids and Liz doing?

Jun 28, 2019 12:01:26 PM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

That’s a good suggestion, thanks!

Jun 28, 2019 12:01:56 PM Me

I went on a walk and meditated as best I could this morning. Helped a bit. Cried a bit.

Jun 28, 2019 12:02:15 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

The boys seem entirely unfazed by it all. Likely because is out of sight, our of mind.

Jun 28, 2019 12:03:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Liz, on the surface, seems to be doing well. She’s not shown one sign of sadness or grief—and I think that part of what is throwing me so off.

Jun 28, 2019 12:03:37 PM Me

I’ve not seen her cry once since we knew Nat had passed.

Jun 28, 2019 12:04:53 PM (Read by them after 14 seconds) Me

She seems entirely fine. I just find it strange not to have seen her cry

Jun 28, 2019 4:08:26 PM Me

How are you doing?

Jun 28, 2019 4:11:27 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

I am well! Glad you had a good hike

Jun 28, 2019 4:12:54 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I think kids are exposed to so much death in video games, movies and tv. Also they are young and the old die - they don’t relate to it

Jun 28, 2019 4:13:31 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Does Liz cry in front of you much?

Jun 28, 2019 4:14:13 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Nat health was failing - correct?

Jun 28, 2019 4:22:24 PM Me

She has rarely if ever cried in front of me, very rare

Jun 28, 2019 4:22:57 PM Me

Nat was wheelchair-bound for about 8 to 9 years. He just had a recent surgery, but otherwise was an OK Health. He didn’t have any active major issues going on that I’m aware of

Jun 28, 2019 4:24:34 PM Me

For me I’ve had my sleep interrupted pretty harshly. I’ve gone to bed since Monday at 2 AM 3 AM and 1:30 AM. And I’ve not been able to concentrate really at all this week. It’s been a real struggle for me this week on a lot of levels.

Jun 28, 2019 4:25:11 PM Me

I’m troubled that I’ve been on able to snap back into a routine, or feel grounded in someway. Why am I more off the rails than Liz is? It just doesn’t make any sense to me

Jun 28, 2019 5:02:50 PM +13038752587

Everybody has a different way of grieving

Jun 28, 2019 5:03:06 PM +13038752587

What do you need to do for you?

Jun 28, 2019 6:04:15 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

this is true.

Jun 28, 2019 6:04:40 PM (Read by them after 21 seconds) Me

at the moment I am just trying to get back into doing some work. Trying to feel like I’m making a contribution or impact.

Jun 28, 2019 6:04:44 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

Right now feel useless

Jun 28, 2019 6:12:52 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Why do you feel useless

Jun 28, 2019 6:21:06 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Everyday / you make a contribution

Jun 28, 2019 6:23:20 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Allow yourself time to grief and process - don’t rush it or force it.

Jun 28, 2019 6:24:22 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Also if it would help - talk about Nat with Liz. And a while family too

Jun 28, 2019 6:50:14 PM (Read by them after 26 seconds) Me

thanks!

Jun 28, 2019 6:50:31 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

k

Jun 28, 2019 6:52:31 PM (Read by them after 22 seconds) Me

replied to your website questions.

Jun 28, 2019 6:52:36 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

hope that helps

Jun 28, 2019 6:58:43 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 2 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks

Jul 02, 2019 10:12:57 AM Me

Hi Darrell, happy Tuesday! Hope you are well. Hope the family and kids are well. Let me know how you’re doing

Jul 02, 2019 10:32:29 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Tuesday 😀

Jul 02, 2019 10:33:13 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

We are well - in preparation for a two week trip to Montana at end of month

Jul 02, 2019 10:33:25 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

How are you and the family?

Jul 02, 2019 10:46:09 AM Me

Wow! That sounds like a fun. Never been to Montana. We leave for New York in 3 weeks from today for Ironman Lake Placid

Jul 02, 2019 10:48:13 AM Me

Family is great. Boys are all good in full summer mode.

Jul 02, 2019 10:51:03 AM Me

I’ve been struggling with thoughts that don’t help. Worry, anxiety about future. Feeling in adequate and not measuring up. I’m letting old patterns run me. Hard to stop them

Jul 02, 2019 11:13:21 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Sending you a link - this just hit my messages- timing for sure

Jul 02, 2019 11:13:58 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Mindvalley Blog

Jul 02, 2019 11:18:45 AM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 35 seconds) Me

Super. just finished my workout. going to watch in a few

Jul 02, 2019 11:19:00 AM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 31 seconds) Me

need together cleaned up first.

Jul 02, 2019 11:20:05 AM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 34 seconds) Me

you know i was thinking that by the time I reached 50 I would be done with this shit. I would be well established, settled and no getting riled by crappy thoughts. It literally brings me to tears I get so frustrated beating the same drum again and again in my mind.

Jul 02, 2019 11:24:41 AM Me

FYI, USA v England @ 11am your time on Fox. Semifinal of WorldCup

Jul 02, 2019 11:24:48 AM Me

1pm your time

Jul 02, 2019 11:25:26 AM +13038752587

I watched something the other day - that we are operating mostly from the self conscious level of the brain

Jul 02, 2019 11:25:53 AM +13038752587

This presentation and exercise is good from mind valley

Jul 02, 2019 11:27:16 AM Me

cool. I’ll watch and let you know when I’m done

Jul 02, 2019 4:12:16 PM Me

I watched that video earlier today and found some of her other videos. Interesting.

Jul 02, 2019 4:12:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Making you look back to your childhood to find an event. I’ve done this type of thing before.

Jul 02, 2019 4:13:10 PM Me

Have any other vids worth sharing? 😊

Jul 02, 2019 4:13:36 PM Me

BTW USA got past England today in Semifinal of WorldCup

Jul 02, 2019 4:30:55 PM +13038752587

I’ll look - the basis is what identity are you operating as - what believes support that identity and what core event set everything in motion?

Jul 02, 2019 4:31:18 PM Me

Its pretty heavy when you think about it

Jul 02, 2019 4:31:26 PM Me

one core event?

Jul 02, 2019 4:31:31 PM Me

can there be more than one?

Jul 02, 2019 4:31:56 PM +13038752587

It took years to form - but can be dissolved quickly

Jul 02, 2019 4:32:12 PM Me

That I need to experience to beleive

Jul 02, 2019 4:32:21 PM +13038752587

Yes you can have many identities

Jul 02, 2019 4:32:28 PM Me

I know I have these things. Based on her descriptions in the vids

Jul 02, 2019 4:32:41 PM Me

and I can relate to her saying “i

Jul 02, 2019 4:32:56 PM Me

“i’ve tried all these things and nothing seems to work....”

Jul 02, 2019 4:33:05 PM +13038752587

Dad, husband, coach, good person, bad person etc

Jul 02, 2019 4:33:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right

Jul 02, 2019 4:33:35 PM +13038752587

Each identity is built upon believes

Jul 02, 2019 4:34:09 PM +13038752587

What lessons did you learn from the forum?

Jul 02, 2019 4:34:25 PM Me

do you mean “the” forum?

Jul 02, 2019 4:34:29 PM +13038752587

Yes

Jul 02, 2019 4:34:32 PM Me

the one based on EST

Jul 02, 2019 4:34:38 PM Me

k

Jul 02, 2019 4:34:39 PM +13038752587

Yes

Jul 02, 2019 4:34:58 PM Me

The big one for me was “winning formulas”

Jul 02, 2019 4:35:19 PM Me

we all have these ways of operating in the world that we’re successful with in certain situations.

Jul 02, 2019 4:35:26 PM Me

hence the name

Jul 02, 2019 4:35:46 PM Me

and what happens to people when their winning formula comes up empty

Jul 03, 2019 1:32:28 AM (Read by them after 7 hours, 36 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

https://twitter.com/hashtag/UnwantedIvanka

Jul 03, 2019 1:36:09 AM (Read by them after 7 hours, 32 minutes, 43 seconds) Me

This was funny today:

Jul 03, 2019 9:44:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. Another morning of bad anxiety. Been waking up scared the past 3-4 days and dont shake it until the afternoon. 😟

Jul 03, 2019 9:44:44 AM Me

I’ve been having GI issues and feeling the brain-gut connection

Jul 03, 2019 11:42:14 AM Me

How are you doing? How’s the day-today going?

Jul 03, 2019 12:37:14 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

I am well - normal stresses of a paycheck to paycheck life

Jul 03, 2019 12:37:29 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Today is well -

Jul 03, 2019 12:37:50 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

What are you scared of?

Jul 03, 2019 1:00:33 PM Me

Yeah, I feel the paycheck thing, hate it.

Jul 03, 2019 1:00:54 PM Me

That’s been how I’ve rolled for 13 years now

Jul 03, 2019 1:04:46 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Shift is in the air in on that area

Jul 03, 2019 1:04:55 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Tell me about being scared

Jul 03, 2019 3:21:04 PM Me

Shift is in the air for what area?

Jul 03, 2019 3:21:36 PM Me

I know I still have not articulated what I’m scared of. I will do that shortly, I’m still ruminating on the details

Jul 03, 2019 3:41:06 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

Money

Jul 03, 2019 3:41:15 PM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Jul 04, 2019 12:26:00 PM Me

Happy 4th!

Jul 04, 2019 12:26:18 PM Me

Boom!
Sent with Fireworks

Jul 04, 2019 12:26:18 PM Me

😁

Jul 04, 2019 2:11:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 35 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Happy 4th!!

Jul 04, 2019 2:16:25 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 19 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Happy 4th!!

Jul 04, 2019 3:35:38 PM Me

Yes indeed

Jul 04, 2019 3:40:49 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 04, 2019 3:47:11 PM Me

Is that today?

Jul 04, 2019 3:49:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - they have not opened on the forth for many years so I met some friends for a run

Jul 04, 2019 5:05:28 PM Me

So cool

Jul 04, 2019 5:05:39 PM Me

Looks like fun

Jul 04, 2019 5:57:41 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 6 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Lots of waiting in line - definitely fun

Jul 04, 2019 9:09:20 PM Me

You doing fireworks?

Jul 04, 2019 9:20:38 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 18 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - right now

Jul 04, 2019 9:26:10 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 12 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Are you?

Jul 04, 2019 11:44:12 PM Me

We did watch, was fun as always

Jul 08, 2019 9:55:56 AM Me

How are you today? How was holiday weekend?

Jul 08, 2019 9:58:50 AM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

Good - missing my wallet right now - but frustrating

Jul 08, 2019 9:59:11 AM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Have a call in 2 mins

Jul 08, 2019 9:59:26 AM Me

K

Jul 08, 2019 10:19:34 AM Me

Hear u on the wallet. Have been there

Jul 08, 2019 10:36:09 AM +13038752587

Call done - now find the wallet

Jul 08, 2019 10:36:36 AM Me

Sending good search mojo your way

Jul 08, 2019 10:39:35 AM +13038752587

🙂

Jul 08, 2019 10:43:55 AM +13038752587

Found / left it at Moms

Jul 08, 2019 10:46:18 AM Me

👍

Jul 08, 2019 10:49:30 AM Me

I’ve made a little bit of progress in unpacking what I am afraid of

Jul 08, 2019 10:50:09 AM Me

I’ve been thinking about it a lot ever since you directly asked me that question. And it’s been really interesting observing my mind moving from one thing to the next

Jul 08, 2019 10:51:07 AM Me

I’ve discovered I have a giant insecurity around people that are close to me. I fear that people are going to leave me. And ultimately I will be all alone.

Jul 08, 2019 10:51:35 AM Me

I tried to dig deeper to understand what’s underneath this. Why would I fear people leaving me? I don’t think I have abandonment issues, or do I?

Jul 08, 2019 10:52:38 AM Me

One thing I did discover, is that I have a huge fear of disappointing people, and letting people down. Or more precisely not meeting people’s expectations.

Jul 08, 2019 10:57:53 AM Me

I dug deeper and discovered that stems from my disappointment disappointing my father with my grades when I was a kid. He would break me for not getting better grades and I always felt like I wasn’t living up to some standard.

Jul 08, 2019 10:58:29 AM Me

What’s wild is that theory manifests it self everywhere in my life now. I see you’re disciplining my kids, my wife, my coworkers and I in a constant state of panic and fear that I’m going to let people down, it gets fucking annoying after a while

Jul 08, 2019 10:58:56 AM Me

Disciplining = dissapointing

Jul 08, 2019 11:09:00 AM +13038752587

Switching over to laptop

Jul 08, 2019 11:14:09 AM Me

K

Jul 08, 2019 11:14:51 AM Me

Btw this is just one thing fear, there are others but they are Still not entirely clear to me

Jul 08, 2019 11:15:24 AM Me

What I need is a way to figure out how to process that first thing with my dad and hard to know that everything’s OK and I don’t need to be fucking scared

Jul 08, 2019 11:15:58 AM Me

You know the big thing this makes me realize just how much I’ve been sabotaging myself for so many years

Jul 08, 2019 11:16:22 AM Me

I’m tempted to be really disappointed and bummed out and think about I would’ve could’ve should’ve, but I’m trying to focus on the positive of being free of feeling like this every day of my life

Jul 08, 2019 11:22:08 AM +13038752587

I’m showing you offline?

Jul 08, 2019 11:39:04 AM Me

What?

Jul 08, 2019 11:47:41 AM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

I jumped on iMessage on laptop

Jul 08, 2019 11:50:29 AM +13038752587

Not sure what’s up with it

Jul 08, 2019 11:50:52 AM Me

I’m here on my computer now. I was contacting you earlier from my phone

Jul 08, 2019 11:52:00 AM +13038752587

1st fear is called the ultimate fear for many- not death but being left alone - last person

Jul 08, 2019 11:52:47 AM +13038752587

And or realizing your dying and your are all alone

Jul 08, 2019 11:53:29 AM Me

Its weird because when I was younger that’s all I wanted, and now I feel the opposite.

Jul 08, 2019 11:53:50 AM Me

I can feel the impending departure of the boys over the next 5-10 years.

Jul 08, 2019 11:55:21 AM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

2nd fear / directly related to first - if you disappoint they will leave

Jul 08, 2019 11:57:37 AM +13038752587

Your Dad and grades - classic problem - forgiveness of your younger self for not knowing your Dad was doing what he thought would help. Forgiveness for your Dad for not knowing

Jul 08, 2019 11:58:10 AM Me

So do u suggest meditating on that? How do I help myself “process” it?

Jul 08, 2019 11:58:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How do I let go of that deeply engrained belief?

Jul 08, 2019 11:58:49 AM +13038752587

Did I send you the book “The Journey”

Jul 08, 2019 11:58:59 AM Me

not that I can remember

Jul 08, 2019 11:59:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

in email?

Jul 08, 2019 11:59:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I could search

Jul 08, 2019 12:00:17 PM +13038752587

“I’m tempted to be really disappointed and bummed out and think about I would’ve could’ve should’ve, but I’m trying to focus on the positive of being free of feeling like this every day of my life”

Jul 08, 2019 12:00:36 PM +13038752587

This would be a waste of time and energy

Jul 08, 2019 12:02:41 PM +13038752587

You are now ready to handle this - not earlier or later

Jul 08, 2019 12:02:58 PM +13038752587

I will send you a link for the book

Jul 08, 2019 12:03:12 PM Me

I am ready

Jul 08, 2019 12:03:44 PM +13038752587

I heard this before and again today - you live will be what you focus on

Jul 08, 2019 12:04:11 PM +13038752587

Focus on the negative live will be negative

Jul 08, 2019 12:04:28 PM Me

That is what I’ve been doing the past 10+ years

Jul 08, 2019 12:04:29 PM +13038752587

Focus on the positive your live will be positive

Jul 08, 2019 12:04:48 PM +13038752587

Life not live

Jul 08, 2019 12:04:52 PM Me

VERY negative. Now I see it in my kids and it makes me sad because I know I’ve put that in place

Jul 08, 2019 12:05:41 PM +13038752587

They are individuals who have fee will / it is not completely one sided

Jul 08, 2019 12:05:55 PM Me

true

Jul 08, 2019 12:06:06 PM +13038752587

Good thing is you can also help them break free

Jul 08, 2019 12:06:11 PM +13038752587

Be the example

Jul 08, 2019 12:06:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Exactly! That’s what I want to be/do

Jul 08, 2019 12:07:15 PM +13038752587

Correction - That’s what you are/doing

Jul 08, 2019 12:08:00 PM Me

Right

Jul 08, 2019 12:09:46 PM +13038752587

Yesterday / I realized I fear not being around for my daughters. To raise them, instill self confidence and self reliance.

Jul 08, 2019 12:10:05 PM Me

Exactly. I know what you mean.

Jul 08, 2019 12:10:17 PM Me

Take good care of yourself

Jul 08, 2019 12:10:26 PM +13038752587

Indeed

Jul 08, 2019 12:11:34 PM +13038752587

Getting skin checked this week since I had a growth that was cancerous last year - a bit paranoid/worried

Jul 08, 2019 12:11:41 PM Me

had that.

Jul 08, 2019 12:11:47 PM Me

had surgery to remove it

Jul 08, 2019 12:11:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m all good but now looking at myself all the time now

Jul 08, 2019 12:12:20 PM +13038752587

Probably a good thing - keep on top of it

Jul 08, 2019 12:12:50 PM +13038752587

I could use your insight design wise

Jul 08, 2019 12:16:16 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you link / the book is now free 😀

Jul 08, 2019 12:16:40 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Sending message about shirt next

Jul 08, 2019 12:37:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, no prob. Sorry for radio silence – been in a meeting.

Jul 08, 2019 12:58:33 PM +13038752587

Email sent

Jul 08, 2019 1:00:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jul 08, 2019 1:46:35 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Just sent you a video too

Jul 08, 2019 1:52:03 PM Me

Cool, thank you

Jul 09, 2019 10:05:14 AM Me

Are you there, good morning. Hope you’re doing well out there.

Jul 09, 2019 10:06:44 AM Me

Having a rough morning here, was doing OK for couple of hours and then this massive cloud of depression moved in. I can’t tell if this is momentary, but it’s moving in for the day.

Jul 09, 2019 10:08:50 AM Me

Out on a walk right now to try and change my headspace.

Jul 09, 2019 10:16:35 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 🌞

Jul 09, 2019 10:18:48 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

The sun rose. I rose. The earth is still spinning. 🎉🎊

Jul 09, 2019 10:19:51 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

You get to decide- walk is a good idea - shift your focus to the positive in life

Jul 09, 2019 10:20:43 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Like being able to go for a walk - seems simple, however not everybody gets to walk

Jul 09, 2019 10:22:15 AM Me

Always love that you keep focus on simple

Jul 09, 2019 10:33:07 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Most of what we stress over is our creations and we can shift them or discreate them at will. We forget this from within their matrix. When we get stuck it is a good idea to come back to the simple things. It reminds us of all the amazing things we get to have and do. Also that the creations are just that a creation, a story and we are the all powerful creator and author.

Jul 09, 2019 10:34:44 AM (Read by you after 59 seconds) +13038752587

Start re-writing, crossing out and editing 🖊

Jul 09, 2019 10:38:10 AM +13038752587

Write this out, ideally in a journal 📓, or anywhere ... Today I am changing the narrative and the stories of my life. I am creating my desired life starting now.

Jul 09, 2019 10:38:44 AM Me

k

Jul 09, 2019 10:38:46 AM Me

cool

Jul 09, 2019 11:18:06 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

just replied to your YOLO email

Jul 09, 2019 11:45:03 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 24 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks

Jul 09, 2019 11:52:06 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 17 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Reply sent

Jul 09, 2019 7:09:32 PM Me

Cool. I’ll try to look at it soon

Jul 10, 2019 4:14:37 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

Jul 10, 2019 4:29:54 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jul 10, 2019 4:30:10 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

of course that is quick and dirty

Jul 10, 2019 4:35:02 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 7 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

I’m driving

Jul 11, 2019 9:56:43 AM Me

Hi, good morning.

Jul 11, 2019 9:57:00 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hola

Jul 11, 2019 9:57:21 AM Me

Ever since you’ve asked me what I’m afraid of I wake up each morning looking for it

Jul 11, 2019 9:59:18 AM Me

It’s been a very interesting exercise. It’s forced me to really think about what I’m focused on. And where I’m putting my attention

Jul 11, 2019 9:59:29 AM Me

That being said old habits die slow and hard

Jul 11, 2019 9:59:47 AM Me

Or, at least they feel like they do

Jul 11, 2019 10:00:01 AM +13038752587

Be careful of the sayings and beliefs you accept

Jul 11, 2019 10:00:27 AM +13038752587

Old habits die easily and quickly

Jul 11, 2019 10:01:46 AM Me

It’s funny, as soon as I said those things to the phone and sent them to you I had that exact thought, Be careful of what I’m saying and believing

Jul 11, 2019 10:05:47 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Did you just get a voice message? It disappeared on my phone

Jul 11, 2019 10:07:19 AM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

No

Jul 11, 2019 10:12:42 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 11, 2019 10:14:10 AM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

got it

Jul 11, 2019 11:09:01 AM Me

Just listened to your voice. Very cool. Thanks for sending that. I have downloaded the book and started in on it yesterday.

Jul 11, 2019 11:09:17 AM Me

It’s a lot of pages

Jul 11, 2019 11:09:21 AM Me

😁

Jul 11, 2019 2:22:47 PM (Read by them after 22 seconds) Me

been reading book. on page 41 of 172

Jul 11, 2019 3:28:01 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 16 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Great job

Jul 12, 2019 10:34:10 AM Me

Good morning Colorado!

Jul 12, 2019 10:34:39 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning California!

Jul 12, 2019 10:48:40 AM Me

How did your skin check go?

Jul 12, 2019 10:54:11 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Good - all clear. And removal site looks good

Jul 12, 2019 12:31:38 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 22 seconds) Me

That’s good news.

Jul 12, 2019 2:46:33 PM Me

Remember the fear thing? I’m afraid of getting in trouble.That may sound weird but it’s the best way I can describe trying to avoid my father’s wrath growing up. I’m sure you remember the notoriety by which uncle Bert could operate

Jul 12, 2019 2:48:20 PM Me

I don’t know how that type of fear extends into my life in general. But it’s a fear that’s very real for me and it’s kind of free-floating

Jul 12, 2019 5:13:07 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

That is a good one. I feel that too every now and then. I heard a mom say something along the lines. She said there are moments when thinking about how good things were going and then the dreaded - oh shit something bad is going to happen

Jul 13, 2019 10:57:05 AM +13038752587

Happy Saturday- off camping for two days. Have a good weekend

Jul 13, 2019 11:34:33 AM Me

You too! Hope you have fun off grid.

Jul 13, 2019 11:35:03 AM Me

Liz is still training for lake Placid. We leave one week from Tuesday

Jul 13, 2019 11:38:34 AM Me

Whereabouts are you headed? Meaning what mountain or area

Jul 13, 2019 11:42:43 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 25 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Gould- moose capital of Colorado

Jul 14, 2019 11:32:38 AM (Read by them after 1 day, 2 hours, 53 minutes, 55 seconds) Me

My Uncle Michael Mahoney passed away last night after a long fight with cancer.

Jul 15, 2019 10:06:47 AM Me

Good morning, are you back from camping?

Jul 15, 2019 2:52:21 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 50 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Just got to house - unpacking

Jul 15, 2019 5:42:58 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 55 seconds) Me

How was your trip?

Jul 15, 2019 5:48:41 PM +13038752587

Good- unplugged for 2 1/2 days

Jul 15, 2019 5:48:52 PM +13038752587

Have a call in 5ms

Jul 15, 2019 5:50:42 PM +13038752587

Jul 15, 2019 5:53:47 PM Me

Wow, so great for you to unplug.

Jul 15, 2019 5:53:56 PM Me

And look at how cute your family is

Jul 15, 2019 6:40:11 PM +13038752587

Thanks

Jul 15, 2019 6:40:29 PM +13038752587

Did you see what is behind them in the grass?

Jul 15, 2019 6:43:47 PM Me

Moose!

Jul 15, 2019 6:43:49 PM Me

Everywhere

Jul 15, 2019 6:44:02 PM Me

She literally has her hands full

Jul 15, 2019 6:44:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, the baby is an official “chunkmaster”

Jul 15, 2019 6:44:26 PM Me

😊

Jul 15, 2019 6:44:53 PM Me

I can see both of you in each of them

Jul 15, 2019 6:45:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Willow especially reminds me of pics of you when you were little

Jul 15, 2019 6:45:24 PM +13038752587

She is plump 🙂

Jul 15, 2019 6:45:37 PM +13038752587

All the moms love it 😍

Jul 15, 2019 6:45:50 PM Me

haha

Jul 15, 2019 6:46:00 PM Me

plumpmaster vs chunkmaster

Jul 15, 2019 6:46:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

we have pics of Declan when he was the chunkmaster

Jul 15, 2019 6:46:32 PM Me

now he’s 5’ 10” and looking me right in the eye

Jul 15, 2019 6:48:00 PM Me

trust me, one day 10 years will have got behind you and they’ll be 12 and 14.

Jul 15, 2019 6:48:19 PM Me

You’ll be looking at pics of them when they were little, like now, and wonder where all the time went.

Jul 15, 2019 6:48:24 PM Me

I do that now all the time

Jul 15, 2019 6:48:43 PM +13038752587

I know - I have not missed the starting gun on this area

Jul 15, 2019 6:48:57 PM Me

and 10 years from now for me, they’ll be gone—empty nest

Jul 15, 2019 6:49:10 PM +13038752587

Treasure each day

Jul 15, 2019 6:49:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

nice, glad to see you got the reference 😊

Jul 15, 2019 6:49:42 PM Me

it does go frighteningly fast

Jul 15, 2019 6:49:57 PM Me

doesnt feel like it when you’re in it

Jul 15, 2019 6:50:04 PM +13038752587

Already noticing that with Willow

Jul 15, 2019 6:50:31 PM Me

I think now reflecting the transition starts when you don’t have to ‘lo-jack’ them any more.

Jul 15, 2019 6:50:44 PM Me

Following them around to make sure they dont get into shit they shouldn’t be touching

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:01 PM +13038752587

Yesterday she(Willow) was just learning to crawl and no we are telling her to freeze as she runs down the street

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:09 PM Me

haha

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:11 PM Me

yep.

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:16 PM Me

she’s not a baby anymore

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:19 PM Me

full on kid

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:31 PM Me

enjoy the kid years

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:33 PM +13038752587

Lojak is a great idea 😊

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:41 PM Me

haha, yes it is.

Jul 15, 2019 6:51:50 PM +13038752587

For kids

Jul 15, 2019 6:52:09 PM Me

a device to clip on their clothes, then pull up an app and see where the hell they are

Jul 15, 2019 6:52:26 PM +13038752587

Ok - off on a walk with Willow

Jul 15, 2019 6:52:37 PM +13038752587

Yes . Exactly

Jul 16, 2019 10:41:24 AM Me

Happy Tuesday

Jul 16, 2019 11:06:40 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Jul 16, 2019 11:09:03 AM Me

Hey there.

Jul 16, 2019 11:09:19 AM Me

Did you see my note about my Uncle Michael over the weekend?

Jul 16, 2019 11:12:13 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

No - Mom told me last night. How are you?

Jul 16, 2019 11:12:21 AM +13038752587

How is your Dad?

Jul 16, 2019 11:13:34 AM Me

i’m doing ok. even though he was very sick its still a shock when he passed. he was trying to hang in there to see us next week when we arrived.

Jul 16, 2019 11:14:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My Dad seems ok. Since Uncle Mike was sick for some time it wasn’t a surprise, except when it actually happens, then it is a surprise.

Jul 16, 2019 11:19:45 AM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

I’m glad he is no longer suffering. It is a bummer he left before you arrived. Yes, even though we know it is coming it does not lessen the initial emotional hit.

Jul 16, 2019 11:20:02 AM +13038752587

The finality of it.

Jul 16, 2019 11:21:06 AM Me

Yes, it doesnt lessen it for sure.

Jul 16, 2019 11:23:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had a lot of emotion the first day. yesterday had trouble concentrating, like I did when Nat passed

Jul 16, 2019 11:24:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just taking one thing at a time.

Jul 16, 2019 11:24:32 AM Me

2 people I knew well passing in 3 weeks time

Jul 16, 2019 11:27:54 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

A moment of pause for sure.

Jul 16, 2019 11:28:18 AM Me

I know. It’s affecting me in ways I haven’t fully figured out yet

Jul 16, 2019 11:29:40 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

It is bringing light to the elephant 🐘 hiding in the shadows. Everyone knows it’s there, but rather ignore it.

Jul 16, 2019 11:29:54 AM Me

The death elephant?

Jul 16, 2019 11:29:54 AM +13038752587

There are many reason we all do that

Jul 16, 2019 11:29:57 AM +13038752587

Yes

Jul 16, 2019 11:30:05 AM Me

ah, ok

Jul 16, 2019 11:31:04 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

We all know we are going to die, however no one fully appreciates the fact until it is right in front of us

Jul 16, 2019 11:31:13 AM Me

exactly

Jul 16, 2019 11:32:42 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

When it hits close to home, it’s a near mis. So, we have a moment to self evaluate.

Jul 16, 2019 11:32:51 AM Me

Yes! So true

Jul 16, 2019 11:32:59 AM Me

You find yourself looking at your own life

Jul 16, 2019 11:34:27 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

We can allow it to pass and go back to how we were before or we can shift in any way that comes up for us

Jul 16, 2019 11:34:50 AM Me

great clarity there, thanks!

Jul 16, 2019 11:35:55 AM Me

Find it interesting that I’m right up against a vacation and shift if daily schedule. It will be a good disruptor for me to challenge my routines

Jul 16, 2019 11:36:09 AM Me

examine habits, etx

Jul 16, 2019 11:36:23 AM Me

see what comes up for me when routine is absent

Jul 16, 2019 11:37:39 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Indeed

Jul 16, 2019 1:08:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this came across my radar. pretty cool.

Jul 16, 2019 1:08:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Apollo 11 in Real Time

Jul 17, 2019 12:25:37 PM Me

Hey there Darrell, hope your Wednesday is going OK

Jul 17, 2019 3:57:20 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Hey - good and enlightening

Jul 17, 2019 3:57:27 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

How about you?

Jul 17, 2019 4:04:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have a weird mix of anxiety, fear, and fatigue.

Jul 17, 2019 4:05:12 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

I know that - parenthood 😀

Jul 17, 2019 4:05:56 PM Me

yeah, parenthood for sure will bring that.

Jul 17, 2019 4:06:03 PM Me

Been in that state for a long time.

Jul 17, 2019 4:06:16 PM Me

I can feel that my nervous system is very tired.

Jul 18, 2019 11:17:14 AM Me

Hey man! How are you doing on this Thursday? Been a weird week trying to process the passing of my uncle Michael and still feeling for Nat too.

Jul 18, 2019 11:17:37 AM Me

Just spoke to my parents, and they are on their way to New Jersey, Wildwood, to be with Russ Jen and the kids. They just got done with my uncles funeral this morning

Jul 18, 2019 11:18:24 AM Me

Meanwhile we are shipping things and getting ourselves ready for our travel early next week to New York in Lake Placid for Elizabeth’s Iron Man race a week from this Sunday

Jul 18, 2019 11:24:53 AM Me

By the way, sharing something that’s been in the back of my mind and that is I feel like there is some kind of change coming. Change for me. Like some kind of life shift, new job new something I don’t know. But it’s like my Spidey senses are tingling that something is going to happen. Perhaps it’s just high levels of anxiety :-)

Jul 18, 2019 11:25:08 AM Me

Do you ever have thoughts/feelings like that? That you can sense somethings coming?

Jul 18, 2019 11:34:14 AM (Read by you after 58 seconds) +13038752587

Glad you Dad, Mom and the Waterford gang is going on vacation.

Jul 18, 2019 11:34:45 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

Prep for the podium - exciting

Jul 18, 2019 11:35:58 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - keep your eyes and ears open. Be ready to follow your heart and intuition

Jul 18, 2019 11:41:28 AM Me

ok.

Jul 18, 2019 11:41:45 AM Me

feeling like this trip to NY is a pivot point of some kind.

Jul 18, 2019 11:41:58 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jul 18, 2019 11:42:01 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Exciting

Jul 18, 2019 11:43:41 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

I am exiting as gracefully as I can from current client base and moving in a focused direction building out a messenger marketing agency.

Jul 18, 2019 11:44:00 AM Me

that is cool—very clear statement

Jul 19, 2019 11:07:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, happy friday!

Jul 19, 2019 11:07:42 AM Me

hope you’re well.

Jul 19, 2019 11:33:15 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Jul 19, 2019 11:33:44 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

In full prep for 3 weeks in Wyoming and Montana

Jul 19, 2019 11:34:01 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Love the remote capabilities of my work

Jul 19, 2019 11:42:49 AM Me

Cool

Jul 19, 2019 11:43:31 AM Me

I’ll be doing 2 weeks in NY. Hope my WiFi lake placid is good

Jul 19, 2019 12:01:58 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

It will be

Jul 19, 2019 12:02:13 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

I have not been there in a long time

Jul 19, 2019 12:03:30 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Putting rack on car - getting hot 🥵 94 already on its way to 💯

Jul 19, 2019 12:43:59 PM (Read by them after 44 seconds) Me

wow, that is really hot for you

Jul 19, 2019 1:04:08 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Mission complete - loss of weight 5lbs pure water

Jul 19, 2019 1:30:49 PM Me

from sweating?

Jul 19, 2019 1:39:31 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jul 19, 2019 1:49:42 PM Me

That is incredible. 5 pounds? How long did it take for that to happen?

Jul 19, 2019 1:49:54 PM Me

I could use that right about now

Jul 19, 2019 2:05:56 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

1 hour - had to use some different screws to mount is so added some time. Getting a burger 🍔 now

Jul 19, 2019 2:09:35 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Btw probably a couple pounds - the roof was burning hot and a black box- just got to 100. I think first triple digit day this summer. Lots of days in high 90s

Jul 19, 2019 2:23:26 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

How’s the heat been there

Jul 19, 2019 10:02:36 PM Me

We’ve had 3-5 days around 100, that’s it. Mostly 70-80s

Jul 19, 2019 10:03:22 PM Me

Lots of intense sun, but you don’t feel like you’re in the crisper

Jul 19, 2019 10:04:19 PM Me

Liz just saw in her Facebook feed that Mary Lou Whitney passed away. You must remember her from Saratoga and the racetrack. She was 93

Jul 21, 2019 10:47:54 AM Me

Happy Sunday

Jul 21, 2019 10:56:34 AM +13038752587

Jul 21, 2019 10:57:00 AM +13038752587

Willow is ready to go bring in the cattle 🐄

Jul 21, 2019 12:44:37 PM Me

That is really cute

Jul 21, 2019 12:44:48 PM Me

You still on the road?

Jul 21, 2019 12:45:25 PM Me

We’re packing for NY today. Getting ready. To LA tomorrow afternoon, fly early Tuesday

Jul 21, 2019 12:45:40 PM Me

To Nuevo York!

Jul 21, 2019 1:02:41 PM +13038752587

Yeah- nNY here you come

Jul 21, 2019 1:03:19 PM +13038752587

Yes - I’m Pinedale WY now -

Jul 21, 2019 1:05:22 PM +13038752587

Ennis MT - tomorrow

Jul 21, 2019 1:11:29 PM +13038752587

Then Glacier International for 7 days

Jul 21, 2019 1:17:19 PM Me

Oh wow! What a great trip. Never been to Montana

Jul 21, 2019 1:22:54 PM +13038752587

Jul 21, 2019 1:31:59 PM Me

Very nice!

Jul 22, 2019 12:02:23 PM Me

Today is my first day of vacation. And I am already stressed out. We have not left the house for los Angeles yet.

Jul 22, 2019 12:02:28 PM Me

Haha

Jul 22, 2019 12:02:43 PM Me

How’s your vacation?

Jul 22, 2019 12:06:58 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

That’s normal- getting out the door is usually stressful. You will probably take a day or two to decompress

Jul 22, 2019 12:07:07 PM +13038752587

Just entered Idaho

Jul 22, 2019 12:07:35 PM +13038752587

Off to a wolf 🐺 and grizzly sanctuary

Jul 22, 2019 12:08:20 PM Me

Nice

Jul 22, 2019 12:08:29 PM Me

And yes stress travel

Jul 22, 2019 12:09:08 PM +13038752587

Then to Ennis MT for the night before heading to Glacier national park

Jul 22, 2019 12:09:23 PM Me

What is annoying is that I have three able-bodied the boys largely sit around ignorant. And when I asked him to do something I get pushback

Jul 22, 2019 12:09:34 PM Me

Nice

Jul 22, 2019 12:09:43 PM Me

Your busy/moving

Jul 22, 2019 1:43:24 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Shark 🦈

Jul 22, 2019 1:43:39 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 22, 2019 3:17:40 PM Me

Haha

Jul 22, 2019 3:22:06 PM +13038752587

West side of the Tetons

Jul 22, 2019 3:22:24 PM Me

Nice

Aug 02, 2019 12:06:00 PM Me

Guess where I am?

Aug 02, 2019 12:31:23 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Pick me a winner

Aug 02, 2019 12:31:48 PM +13038752587

Aug 02, 2019 12:31:52 PM Me

Aug 02, 2019 12:32:05 PM Me

Remember running all over this place with you.

Aug 02, 2019 12:32:12 PM Me

Wild to be here

Aug 02, 2019 12:32:59 PM Me

Liz says you’re getting her ready for Thacher

Aug 02, 2019 12:51:44 PM Me

Darragh just won a 22-1 place bet

Aug 02, 2019 6:36:26 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

I do - fun times

Aug 03, 2019 7:47:52 AM +13038752587

I have not been there in 28 years or so

Aug 03, 2019 7:53:51 AM +13038752587

How did Liz do in Placid

Aug 03, 2019 7:56:07 AM Me

It was so much fun. Went to track and then to Parting Glass for dinner and darts.

Aug 03, 2019 7:58:55 AM Me

Aug 03, 2019 8:03:59 AM Me

Aug 03, 2019 8:04:32 AM Me

Aug 03, 2019 8:05:17 AM +13038752587

Ahh man! Wish I was there to enjoy that day!

Aug 03, 2019 8:06:11 AM +13038752587

Morning view in Teton National Park 🏞

Aug 03, 2019 8:24:18 AM Me

Nice pics!

Aug 03, 2019 8:25:07 AM Me

Here’s her final stats from the race

Aug 03, 2019 8:25:54 AM Me

She had digestive issues from bike to run for first time in this race.

Aug 03, 2019 8:26:06 AM Me

Overall a great race

Aug 03, 2019 8:47:35 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 33 seconds) Me

You’re still in Wyoming? You back to Colorado next week?

Aug 03, 2019 11:34:41 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Yes / Dubois for a week - home 8/11

Aug 03, 2019 12:59:58 PM Me

Nice!

Aug 03, 2019 3:22:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 3 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Where we are for the next week

Aug 03, 2019 3:24:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 03, 2019 3:24:05 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 03, 2019 3:24:14 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 03, 2019 4:28:31 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 18 seconds) Me

nice

Aug 03, 2019 4:28:58 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) Me

imagine you’re feeling lots of gratitude

Aug 03, 2019 5:03:06 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 37 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Yes and peace. Could sit here for days

Aug 03, 2019 5:08:57 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 31 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 04, 2019 7:36:40 AM Me

That’s incredibly beautiful

Aug 04, 2019 7:37:01 AM Me

I’m in upstate NY so not as pretty as that :-)

Aug 04, 2019 5:29:56 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 04, 2019 5:31:22 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 04, 2019 5:31:23 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

Morning rainbow 🌈

Aug 08, 2019 9:22:52 AM Me

Wow, just saw your great photos from Sunday.

Aug 08, 2019 9:23:00 AM Me

Hope you are well

Aug 08, 2019 9:32:13 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes) +13038752587

Aug 08, 2019 9:32:50 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 08, 2019 9:32:50 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Off to fish

Aug 08, 2019 9:39:39 AM Me

Nice! You there thru weekend?

Aug 08, 2019 9:40:27 AM Me

Our travel home on Tuesday was very, very long. Got home at 4 AM yesterday. Yesterday was a fog. Woke up this morning and is mildly out of it. But have to start to work today.

Aug 08, 2019 9:40:27 AM Me

Having this weird super the motions starting hard back into work today after two weeks of nothing.

Aug 08, 2019 9:40:27 AM Me

After a long period without vacation, two weeks almost felt entirely insufficient. Working today and tomorrow and going to try and treat this weekend as a vacation as well

Aug 08, 2019 9:40:28 AM Me

And here is a totally random share, just want to say how sorry I am that working together did not work out for us at that time. I’m confident that we could find a way to work together someway somehow. During my travel time, I was reflecting on lots of things and that was something that came up for me

Aug 08, 2019 10:24:52 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Good plan to ease back into work and make this weekend vacation time

Aug 08, 2019 10:26:41 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 53 seconds) +13038752587

My goal is to work 3 weeks a month regular schedule then _part time like I’m doing now so we can travel

Aug 08, 2019 10:27:26 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Timing was off for both of us - my mindset was not in right place either, which is obvious now but not then.

Aug 08, 2019 10:28:07 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

Simple thing is to take consistent action and stay focused

Aug 08, 2019 10:28:26 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Which I know, but don’t always practice

Aug 08, 2019 10:28:38 AM Me

Likewise

Aug 08, 2019 10:28:51 AM Me

And I get derailed with anxiety

Aug 08, 2019 10:29:00 AM Me

Makes me sad to think about how much anxiety has limited me

Aug 08, 2019 10:33:02 AM +13038752587

Going offline- have a great day - stay in the present

Aug 08, 2019 10:59:04 AM Me

Okay. Catch a big one!

Aug 08, 2019 4:22:05 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

They caught 5 rainbow trout fur dinner

Aug 08, 2019 4:22:25 PM Me

Nice!!

Aug 10, 2019 10:49:48 AM Me

Hey there wilderness man. How goes your trip?

Aug 10, 2019 11:14:02 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 38 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

On the way - in Lander Wyoming- stop to feed the kids and checkout local farmers market

Aug 10, 2019 2:57:56 PM Me

cool!

Aug 10, 2019 2:58:24 PM Me

Just finished watching Declans soccer game. 4-2 loss

Aug 12, 2019 10:01:56 AM +13038752587

Forwarded a couple email from MT to your gmail

Aug 12, 2019 10:24:30 AM Me

Thanks!

Aug 12, 2019 10:24:54 AM Me

You on way home? Still on the road?

Aug 13, 2019 10:11:29 AM Me

Hey there, how are things?

Aug 13, 2019 11:05:21 AM +13038752587

Pre school orientation

Aug 13, 2019 11:11:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool! Its like I get to relive my early childhood years again through you 😊

Aug 13, 2019 11:12:20 AM Me

you might find this interesting:

Aug 13, 2019 11:12:22 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/08/12/upshot/are-you-rich-where-does-your-net-worth-rank-wealth.html

Aug 13, 2019 11:25:30 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - have to up my game

Aug 13, 2019 2:18:09 PM Me

I’m struggling here, having a challenging day

Aug 13, 2019 2:18:54 PM Me

I’m getting triggered and knee-jerk emotions and reactions ensue.

Aug 13, 2019 2:19:42 PM Me

Trying my best to pause and process, but it’s hard. Im upsetting and frustrating people I love around me

Aug 13, 2019 2:21:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Well....

Aug 13, 2019 2:22:02 PM +13038752587

STOP 🛑 IT!!

Aug 13, 2019 2:23:34 PM Me

Yeah I know

Aug 13, 2019 2:24:04 PM Me

What to do with the fellow sitting in the corner gnashing his teeth, and filled with anxiety and dread?

Aug 13, 2019 2:27:28 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Leave him there

Aug 13, 2019 2:27:33 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

🤣

Aug 13, 2019 2:28:03 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

What are you dreading?

Aug 13, 2019 2:38:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I were to take a guess its compounded fears and such over time. I get this feeling more and more frequently and cannot unpack whats underneath

Aug 13, 2019 2:39:40 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Right now - what are you worried or stressed about

Aug 13, 2019 2:39:54 PM Me

oh man.... list is long

Aug 13, 2019 2:40:24 PM Me

work, kids, retirement, savings, money, on and on....

Aug 13, 2019 2:41:12 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

What one is the biggest or your #1

Aug 15, 2019 10:22:54 AM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

hey there, happy thursday. I didn’t forget about your question and been thinking about it alot. Not having enough resources in the future I think is my fear—getting old and being dirt poor, living in some public convalescent home and all alone, and dying alone.

Aug 15, 2019 10:23:34 AM (Read by them after 18 seconds) Me

I have this fear, that I’ve never really identified, and its being alone.

Aug 15, 2019 11:13:47 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

That is a big one

Aug 15, 2019 11:14:11 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

I think many folks have a similar feeling but have not identified it

Aug 15, 2019 11:15:45 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

The fear of being alone may be hard wired into us as we are in pack animals

Aug 15, 2019 11:16:16 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Again I would say most be would not identified it

Aug 15, 2019 11:32:49 AM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

Yeah, its weird because I consciously avoid people. Fear of embarrassment, feeling less than others, low self esteem, etc. whatever holds me back from engaging with people sometimes.

Aug 15, 2019 11:41:14 AM Me

Interesting point about pack animals

Aug 15, 2019 11:41:34 AM Me

How you doing? Back home from mountains yet?

Aug 15, 2019 11:41:54 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Aug 15, 2019 11:45:38 AM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

I take it from the brevity of your answer that you’re busy 😊

Aug 15, 2019 11:49:44 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Aug 15, 2019 11:55:52 AM +13038752587

Driving to airport to pick up Deidre and Joe

Aug 15, 2019 11:55:59 AM Me

oh cool

Aug 15, 2019 11:56:01 AM +13038752587

Can talk no text

Aug 15, 2019 11:56:13 AM Me

np. have a meeting right now

Aug 16, 2019 9:49:40 AM Me

Aug 19, 2019 11:21:00 AM Me

Hey there. Saw your post in FB about spending $900 in ads, and generating $18k in sales. Is that for you or a client?

Aug 19, 2019 11:21:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How is your Monday going

Aug 19, 2019 11:21:26 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes) +13038752587

Yes

Aug 19, 2019 11:21:30 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Good

Aug 19, 2019 11:21:37 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

How about yours?

Aug 19, 2019 11:29:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok I guess

Aug 19, 2019 11:32:00 AM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 23 seconds) Me

How do you keep positive despite setbacks and emotions? What’s your go-to?

Aug 19, 2019 11:43:54 AM +13038752587

I take action / in a tight spot right now coming off basically three weeks of no production. Lots of moments of internal shit - then I remind myself others have been there and get through. Then I do shit

Aug 19, 2019 11:45:20 AM +13038752587

Feeling the weight big time today- been living on hopium to long- the plan is in place now daily consistent work

Aug 19, 2019 11:46:02 AM Me

yeah I get that feeling

Aug 19, 2019 11:46:11 AM +13038752587

By the way - I can get results like that one consistently - taking referrals 😀

Aug 19, 2019 11:46:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can take time off, but I’m not getting paid

Aug 19, 2019 11:46:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

super stressful

Aug 19, 2019 11:46:39 AM +13038752587

150 spend - 7k sales for same client

Aug 19, 2019 11:46:43 AM Me

makes me not want to take time away, and that suck

Aug 19, 2019 11:46:55 AM Me

wow, those are good numbers

Aug 19, 2019 11:47:11 AM +13038752587

Time to do it for myself.

Aug 19, 2019 11:47:34 AM Me

yeah, exactly. But you need the funnel to do the production and deliver

Aug 19, 2019 11:48:51 AM +13038752587

Yes - I have a team to do builds for messenger. FB ads is still me.

Aug 19, 2019 11:49:35 AM +13038752587

The plan is to make 30k in sales so I can hire some folks or at least outsource

Aug 19, 2019 11:49:47 AM Me

Right

Aug 19, 2019 11:50:45 AM +13038752587

Tweaking website now- need basic biz cards

Aug 19, 2019 11:52:00 AM Me

cool.

Aug 19, 2019 11:52:36 AM Me

For me I just want to wake up without feeling nervous/anxious each day about the day ahead

Aug 19, 2019 11:52:50 AM Me

imposter syndrome runs high

Aug 19, 2019 11:56:03 AM +13038752587

I get it

Aug 19, 2019 11:56:40 AM Me

been thinking about how we answer people when they ask “how are you doing?” and how we hide so much from others. We rarely ever share what is truly going on, or what we’re dealing with—we do, but its only with those that are closest. And even then I don’t share all the time even with those closest. Sometimes it makes me feel so alone

Aug 19, 2019 11:57:03 AM +13038752587

So what needs to be in place for you to feel excited for the day ahead everyday?

Aug 19, 2019 11:58:02 AM +13038752587

We like to lie to ourselves and others- we fear they will judge us or leave us.

Aug 19, 2019 11:58:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

to answer your question. I think confidence needs to be in place. I dont think its changing anything outside of me. Its all about changing whats inside

Aug 19, 2019 11:58:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes, fear of leaving us and being left all alone

Aug 19, 2019 11:59:11 AM +13038752587

It always starts on the inside

Aug 19, 2019 11:59:55 AM +13038752587

Those that can hear you out are good relationships the rest can fade away.

Aug 19, 2019 12:00:06 PM +13038752587

Start speaking your truth

Aug 19, 2019 12:00:15 PM Me

out loud?

Aug 19, 2019 12:00:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

when people ask?

Aug 19, 2019 12:00:38 PM +13038752587

Yes

Aug 19, 2019 12:01:13 PM +13038752587

Tone it to your audience

Aug 19, 2019 12:02:13 PM +13038752587

ie. work relationships- feeling ok when things are shitty

Aug 19, 2019 12:02:23 PM Me

right

Aug 19, 2019 12:02:27 PM +13038752587

Personal- feeling shitty

Aug 19, 2019 12:03:43 PM Me

right

Aug 19, 2019 12:04:36 PM Me

so you share you’re feeling ok with co-workers when in fact you feeling shitty

Aug 19, 2019 12:12:57 PM +13038752587

Scale is I feel great I feel good I feel ok

Aug 19, 2019 12:16:57 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 23 seconds) Me

notice how there’s no “I’m not ok” on there

Aug 19, 2019 12:21:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right.

Aug 19, 2019 12:21:27 PM Me

no one would want to admit weakness.

Aug 19, 2019 12:29:03 PM +13038752587

If you are not ok - share that with those that are close and with folks who can help

Aug 19, 2019 12:31:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Right. Thing is for me I’ve kept alot of my mental gymnastics to myself and not shared them with Liz. I’ve felt like it is just noise and she doesn’t need to see/hear it. When things get bad I seek professionals.

Aug 19, 2019 12:31:58 PM Me

I’ve done that on the advice of a professional.

Aug 19, 2019 12:32:42 PM Me

They suggested that me always going to Liz with my weaknesses simply reinforces the idea that I’m the broken one in the relationship.

Aug 19, 2019 12:33:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

About to go on a run. Trying to get back into running with my low back. I have delusions of doing an IRONMAN.

Aug 19, 2019 12:59:51 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Good advice

Aug 19, 2019 1:00:03 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Have a good run 🏃

Aug 19, 2019 1:00:22 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

You can do it - IRONMAN

Aug 19, 2019 1:54:50 PM Me

Run is done. 3 miles. Foot a bit numb, but done.

Aug 19, 2019 1:55:01 PM Me

I would love to do a 1/2 IRONMAN first.

Aug 19, 2019 1:55:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I can get that done, I can likely do the full. Just a matter of training and preparation.

Aug 19, 2019 4:50:42 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

At A+L they use Google Ads quite a bit and have good success at generating new leads for work

Aug 19, 2019 4:55:18 PM Me

I was thinking about your FB work

Aug 19, 2019 6:02:42 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Google is good - people are actively searching for what your putting ads up for-

Aug 19, 2019 6:04:10 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 2 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

FB is great at targeting - you how getting in front of people in your niche over and over

Aug 19, 2019 6:04:26 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 2 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

YouTube is amazing for branding and lead gen

Aug 19, 2019 6:04:43 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 2 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

LinkedIn for the professional b2b

Aug 19, 2019 6:04:55 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 1 minute, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Do they use LI?

Aug 19, 2019 6:05:33 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 1 minute, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Combo any and all of them to blanket the niche

Aug 20, 2019 10:32:53 AM Me

Early morning haircuts in Santa Barbara. First day of school tomorrow

Aug 20, 2019 10:53:09 AM (Read by you after 11 hours, 28 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Buzz cuts 🤪

Aug 20, 2019 10:53:39 AM (Read by you after 11 hours, 27 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Like the style

Aug 20, 2019 10:53:59 AM (Read by you after 11 hours, 27 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Check this site - thank you

Aug 20, 2019 10:54:20 AM (Read by you after 11 hours, 27 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Purple Mountain Marketing

Aug 20, 2019 10:54:35 AM (Read by you after 11 hours, 26 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

I changed home page

Aug 20, 2019 11:44:13 PM Me

I would drop the circle from the logo. Navigation needs to be out of the way, takes up too much valuable space. Need to change the mobile first screen. Too much too padding in purple. You don’t begin to hint at what you can do for me until 2nd to last sentence. CTA button needs contrast, and change title, “schedule free consultation” button should tell me what action I’m taking by clicking. Ok, done for now

Aug 20, 2019 11:44:14 PM Me

First headline I see is about your business, not mine.

Aug 21, 2019 8:46:49 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - thanks

Aug 21, 2019 9:11:28 AM Me

👍 let me see it again after you tweak it

Aug 21, 2019 9:41:00 AM Me

So many thoughts and emotions are trying to hijack me this morning. They’re trying to get me to cry, get me to be sad and feel bad about myself and basically let my day piss away into despair and feeling like shit about myself, and this morning I just cut myself about the fall down that hole. I have to be vigilant about this, it’s too much of a habit to let my emotions just hijacked my ass. There feel a little bit better now

Aug 21, 2019 9:41:45 AM +13038752587

😀

Aug 21, 2019 9:42:22 AM Me

Some speech to text mangling, but you get the picture

Aug 21, 2019 9:49:15 AM Me

I can’t believe I’m 50 and still dealing with this. I would’ve thought that my ability to transcend this would’ve move me way beyond this along time ago

Aug 21, 2019 9:49:24 AM Me

Perhaps there is some lesson in this

Aug 21, 2019 9:56:26 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you!

Aug 21, 2019 9:56:51 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

I keep finding myself in the same situation financially

Aug 21, 2019 9:57:33 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 40 seconds) +13038752587

I know better but have been lax about doing what I know to do

Aug 21, 2019 10:09:18 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

How do you disable nav on mobile?

Aug 21, 2019 11:07:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel you too on the financial info—without a doubt!

Aug 21, 2019 11:07:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did you see Darren Daily today? He’s giving 24 hour access to special content.

Aug 21, 2019 11:08:08 AM Me

You might want to check it out.

Aug 21, 2019 11:08:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OK, nav on mobile—are you on Divi theme with your site?

Aug 21, 2019 11:17:18 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Yes divi

Aug 21, 2019 11:19:04 AM Me

Let me take a look.

Aug 21, 2019 11:19:15 AM Me

thanks for sending that sleep email.

Aug 21, 2019 11:19:18 AM Me

did you see DD?

Aug 21, 2019 11:26:00 AM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Email me DD link - I didn’t get it

Aug 21, 2019 11:26:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

DarrenDaily: Ancient wisdom that is important on this day. http://slkt.io/2NyJ -Darren Reply STOP to unsub

Aug 21, 2019 1:19:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If you go into Theme Customizer inside of the Divi options you should be able to change how the menu works on mobile.

Aug 21, 2019 1:19:20 PM Me

If you’re having issues and can send me admin login I can take a quick look.

Aug 21, 2019 1:19:39 PM Me

Let me know. I’m around a bit this afternoon working. About to step away to get a workout in.

Aug 21, 2019 1:32:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Great list of Slack communities. Some of these might be of interest to you:

Aug 21, 2019 1:32:09 PM Me

Medium

Aug 21, 2019 1:33:18 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Aug 21, 2019 1:33:32 PM Me

some good finance and marketing channels

Aug 21, 2019 1:34:33 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Unable to find easy solution to remove menu on mobile

Aug 21, 2019 1:34:48 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Check out page now

Aug 21, 2019 1:36:52 PM Me

we might be able to move it.

Aug 21, 2019 1:38:15 PM Me

we use this on A+L

Aug 21, 2019 1:38:21 PM Me

Divicio.us

Aug 21, 2019 1:38:21 PM Me

might help you

Aug 21, 2019 2:12:00 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 38 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Check site now

Aug 21, 2019 2:12:07 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 38 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Think I found a solution

Aug 21, 2019 6:47:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert.

Aug 21, 2019 6:47:24 PM Me

Better

Aug 21, 2019 6:47:26 PM Me

haha

Aug 21, 2019 6:47:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it changed what I typed.

Aug 21, 2019 6:50:34 PM Me

On mobile for me there is too much space below the video—too much gray space. Make that less to move the CTA up the screen. The contrast is better on the button, but that doesnt look like a button, maybe because its white. I would change it to orange [ #d46a24 ], or yellow [ #cbd122 ] and make the type white. LMK

Aug 21, 2019 6:50:55 PM Me

Think those will help

Aug 21, 2019 7:19:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 32 seconds) +13038752587

😎

Aug 21, 2019 7:19:35 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 21, 2019 7:21:52 PM Me

Cool to see everyone.

Aug 22, 2019 11:03:49 AM (Read by them after 53 seconds) Me

Hey there. Hope Thursday is going well. Things are ok here. Day 2 of school. House is VERY quiet and I feel alone. Just had a nice talk with a colleague on google hangouts. We actually just talked about life and stuff for almost 30mins of our hour call. Took about 10 mins to talk about the work we’re doing together, but that 30 mins was so valuable and we both took note of that. Anyhow, even thought I love remote work and the flexibility it provides me, its challenging to stay connected and feel plugged into something larger than yourself.

Aug 22, 2019 11:05:10 AM Me

Let me know when and if you are able to get changes on your site. I’ll take another look if you like. Its looking MUCH better! 😊

Aug 22, 2019 2:51:47 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

That’s awesome - glad you had a stellar convo

Aug 22, 2019 2:52:07 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Changes made - each button a bit different

Aug 22, 2019 6:58:16 PM Me

“False ideas about yourself destroy you” Just heard that in audiobook I’m listening to.

Aug 22, 2019 6:59:18 PM Me

Hit me. Made me pause big time

Aug 22, 2019 7:18:08 PM +13038752587

Hum

Aug 22, 2019 7:18:36 PM +13038752587

Identities

Aug 22, 2019 7:19:04 PM +13038752587

Like how they put it

Aug 22, 2019 7:22:25 PM Me

Me too

Aug 23, 2019 11:39:52 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Friday

Aug 23, 2019 11:39:58 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

How ya doin

Aug 23, 2019 11:40:26 AM Me

Hey there! Happy Friday to you too

Aug 23, 2019 11:40:55 AM Me

I’m working to not let depression and emotions hijack me

Aug 23, 2019 11:40:59 AM Me

Today

Aug 23, 2019 11:41:17 AM Me

Feel like I do that every day

Aug 23, 2019 11:41:36 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

What are you working to let happen?

Aug 23, 2019 11:42:02 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Focus on what you want

Aug 23, 2019 11:46:57 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Need some direction for logo

Aug 23, 2019 11:55:11 AM Me

JuJust saw your reply’s. When you say what are you working to let happen? Are you asking me what I am allowing to happen? Or what am I working to make happen?

Aug 23, 2019 11:55:39 AM Me

What’s up with logo?

Aug 23, 2019 11:57:10 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

You let me know your focus was on “not” instead of on what you do want

Aug 23, 2019 11:57:57 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Target market is high end boutique resorts/hotels

Aug 23, 2019 11:58:10 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Image is clip arty

Aug 23, 2019 12:01:52 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Looking for luxury, 5star, clean

Aug 23, 2019 12:06:14 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 1 second) Me

OH, now I see what you mean. “ I DON’T want this...” vs “I DO want this”

Aug 23, 2019 12:06:38 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes) Me

are the logo questions about your logo? Purple Mountain?

Aug 23, 2019 12:09:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Purple mountains majesties?

Aug 23, 2019 12:22:32 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Aug 23, 2019 1:25:17 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 1 second) Me

So what can I do to help you and your logo?

Aug 23, 2019 2:22:20 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Any suggestions on type face

Aug 23, 2019 2:23:09 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Should I use a single mountain ⛰ or perhaps a purple “m”

Aug 26, 2019 7:43:11 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

How are you? Heard your Dad is going to be ok 😷

Aug 26, 2019 7:58:36 PM Me

I’m good. Yeah, he’s lucky. Just a warning

Aug 26, 2019 8:01:42 PM Me

When Russ called that morning and said he was in an ambulance I was concerned

Aug 27, 2019 10:00:43 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 19 seconds) Me

Hey there. My dad went home today. Numbers are good. He has to give up cerveza—if you can believe it. Or he will end up in the same place. His pancreas can’t take it anymore.

Aug 27, 2019 10:08:22 PM Me

Hope you are doing well out there in the mountains.

Aug 28, 2019 1:02:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Happy Wednesday

Aug 28, 2019 2:07:41 PM Me

Colonoscopy for me tomorrow morning

Aug 28, 2019 2:07:57 PM Me

Having to survive on liquids today. No fun

Aug 28, 2019 2:26:00 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

I’m actually getting more nervous as the day goes on.

Aug 28, 2019 2:26:42 PM +13038752587

Yeah - I need to get mine rescheduled

Aug 28, 2019 2:27:08 PM +13038752587

Nervous / that’s normal

Aug 28, 2019 2:27:11 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

yeah, dont want me any colon cancer

Aug 28, 2019 2:28:18 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Definitely not

Aug 28, 2019 2:29:30 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

It’s a standard procedure

Aug 28, 2019 2:29:43 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

So don’t worry too much

Aug 28, 2019 2:30:03 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Heading into catch someone

Aug 28, 2019 2:35:34 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

yeah, medical stuff makes me anxious on some level—some more than others

Aug 28, 2019 2:35:58 PM Me

hope you catch them!

Aug 28, 2019 2:38:18 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

On a side note... I don’t know about you, but I’ve been noticing changes in my mindset—just these little moments of peace and relaxation. Its kinda weird because I felt this over the weekend and it felt like I was letting go of something and I was falling—but I was sitting in a chair when that happened. It was this “letting go” mentally that I had to reassure myself wasn’t anything wrong with me.

Aug 28, 2019 2:38:52 PM Me

But I literally felt like I was falling—weird

Aug 28, 2019 2:39:18 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

That’s good

Aug 28, 2019 2:40:06 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

yes

Aug 28, 2019 2:40:39 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Many things in our mind are connected to our bodies

Aug 28, 2019 2:41:59 PM Me

yes. mind-body connection is valid for sure.

Aug 28, 2019 2:48:07 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 40 seconds) +13038752587

So when you mind let’s go you get a physical reaction

Aug 28, 2019 2:50:31 PM Me

Yes. A physical release and then a falling feeling

Aug 28, 2019 2:50:57 PM Me

I can feel the tension in my body like girl and then it feels like I’m free falling, like skydiving but it’s light and not too scary

Aug 28, 2019 2:51:11 PM Me

I hate speaking in having a concert to text

Aug 28, 2019 2:51:26 PM Me

Concert = convert

Aug 28, 2019 2:51:31 PM Me

Point proven

Aug 28, 2019 2:51:45 PM Me

Like girl = let go

Aug 28, 2019 2:54:52 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Haha 😆

Aug 28, 2019 2:56:40 PM Me

Listening to this : I'm listening to Ego Is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday, narrated by Ryan Holiday on my Audible app. Try Audible and get it here: https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B01GSIZ5AC&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006

Aug 28, 2019 2:56:52 PM Me

Pretty interesting

Aug 28, 2019 3:12:19 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you a ted talk today

Aug 29, 2019 9:39:19 AM Me

Sitting waiting to go in for my closeup

Aug 29, 2019 9:39:55 AM +13038752587

Oooohh - so exciting 💯

Aug 29, 2019 9:39:59 AM +13038752587

🤪

Aug 29, 2019 9:40:03 AM Me

Yeah, right

Aug 29, 2019 9:40:20 AM +13038752587

What time is procedure

Aug 29, 2019 9:41:30 AM Me

Supposed to be here for 8:30, just in waiting room right now. But I’m cleaned out for sure 😁

Aug 29, 2019 9:41:40 AM Me

And I’m SO hungry

Aug 29, 2019 9:41:47 AM +13038752587

I bet

Aug 29, 2019 9:41:54 AM +13038752587

How long does it take

Aug 29, 2019 9:41:58 AM Me

Nothing solid since Tuesday

Aug 29, 2019 9:43:17 AM Me

Say I’ll be here for 2.5 hours

Aug 30, 2019 8:56:02 AM Me

Happy Friday

Aug 30, 2019 8:56:26 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

😎

Aug 30, 2019 8:56:45 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

How the test go? All clear

Aug 30, 2019 4:24:32 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 44 seconds) Me

Hey there. Color is clear. They had to take a biopsy from my throat—there is something going on inside. I should know within a week.

Aug 30, 2019 4:24:46 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 43 seconds) Me

A little nervous about it. Hard to focus today

Aug 31, 2019 7:20:00 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

I’m sure it is nothing - keep your thoughts positive

Aug 31, 2019 9:00:33 AM Me

Trying my best :-)

Aug 31, 2019 9:09:52 AM Me

What you have going on this weekend?

Aug 31, 2019 12:25:34 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 48 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Family day - carousel 🎠 of happiness - meet friends on Estes Park

Aug 31, 2019 12:25:48 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 48 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Tomorrow creek fest in Boulder

Aug 31, 2019 12:26:01 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 47 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Mon - house bound 😃

Sep 01, 2019 9:14:06 AM Me

Hey there, sounds like you got a good weekend in progress.

Sep 01, 2019 9:14:20 AM Me

We have the opening of school, new students arrive today.

Sep 01, 2019 9:15:58 AM Me

I woke up this morning completely angry. Just woke up angry. Emotions are really powerful, and I don’t wanna feel angry. And now I’m mad at myself for being angry about the things I’m pissed off about, because they seem petty. Anyway there you go, I don’t have anyone else I can do this with so thank you 😊

Sep 01, 2019 9:21:52 AM +13038752587

Hola

Sep 01, 2019 9:22:32 AM +13038752587

Down the matrix you go ...

Sep 01, 2019 9:26:32 AM +13038752587

Allow yourself to feel how you feel - find a space/place you can be alone for 20m - grab a pen 🖊 and write it out, be expletive - release the rage

Sep 01, 2019 9:28:19 AM +13038752587

Fuck if you can - go slam a door 🚪, yell “mother fucker” as loud as you can, go hit a punching bag

Sep 01, 2019 9:31:18 AM Me

Yes

Sep 01, 2019 9:31:24 AM Me

I will

Sep 03, 2019 10:18:08 AM Me

Happy Tuesday! Hope you had a good weekend. Did you labor on Labor day yesterday?

Sep 03, 2019 10:18:42 AM Me

Liz left about two hours ago to go camping in the Eastern Sierra’s with the students. The new school year is underway

Sep 03, 2019 10:19:15 AM Me

Supposed to be really fucking hot here this week. Not really looking forward to 100+ degrees multiple days in a row

Sep 03, 2019 10:40:29 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Bob Jour

Sep 03, 2019 10:40:52 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

I cleaned one garage bay 😀

Sep 03, 2019 10:41:51 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Rig up a mister

Sep 03, 2019 10:55:37 AM Me

Wow one garage bay, that is a serious achievement. My garage is waiting for the same love.

Sep 03, 2019 10:55:51 AM Me

When you say rig up a Mr., do you mean a spray Mr.? Like the kids can run through it and get wet

Sep 03, 2019 10:56:29 AM Me

About to head in to my one and only meeting of the day at the top of the hour, then it’s just work work work until it’s time to take the boys to soccer

Sep 03, 2019 11:00:08 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Sep 03, 2019 11:34:23 AM Me

Nice!

Sep 03, 2019 11:34:46 AM Me

Would love to see vid of them running through it

Sep 03, 2019 11:36:16 AM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

We don’t have one, but it’s a good idea

Sep 03, 2019 3:29:16 PM (Read by them after 27 seconds) Me

Deep:

Sep 03, 2019 3:29:20 PM (Read by them after 28 seconds) Me

reddit

Sep 03, 2019 4:47:11 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Interesting

Sep 03, 2019 4:51:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah, it is for sure. it stood out to me because I’ve experienced similar

Sep 03, 2019 4:58:02 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

You can have guides along when you work on consciousness/ although you have to travel it alone

Sep 04, 2019 10:47:01 AM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Watch DD today

Sep 04, 2019 11:46:42 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 1 second) Me

Will do.

Sep 04, 2019 11:46:45 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 1 second) Me

How are you today?

Sep 04, 2019 11:48:07 AM Me

Day 2 of Liz in the woods for me—the annual event where I stay home with the boys and scar them for life.

Sep 04, 2019 11:48:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Tough night with Darragh last night.

Sep 04, 2019 4:45:57 PM (Read by you after 19 hours, 54 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Keeping busy getting shit done

Sep 04, 2019 4:46:21 PM (Read by you after 19 hours, 54 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Why - what happened?

Sep 05, 2019 12:41:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there, I’m here working away. Feeling underwater in terms of work. Trying to do everything without Liz here and its challenging. I’m ok, just too much going on.

Sep 05, 2019 12:43:13 PM +13038752587

Cool - remember DD thing on overwhelm

Sep 05, 2019 12:43:37 PM (Read by them after 20 seconds) Me

I was being impatient with Darragh and was so present to it while it was happening. I’m creating stress for my kids and it drives them away. Like now with Aidan I’m just a passer by to him—like I have no connection to him other than being put on the earth to annoy him.

Sep 05, 2019 12:45:27 PM (Read by them after 20 seconds) Me

Its ironic that I was only able to watch 4 minutes of that video yesterday.

Sep 05, 2019 12:45:54 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

In a meeting now, and will finish watching when done.

Sep 05, 2019 2:04:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Darragh has told me to my face, “you always seem mad at me.” and I explained to him that I get annoyed with things, but not him specifically. But he still perceives it as ‘angry at him’ Everytime it comes up I cringe that I’m ruining my relationship with him like Aidan.

Sep 05, 2019 2:05:04 PM Me

BTW, side note. Today has been very weird for me. I’ve not had good sleep past 3 nights. Feel very disconnected and distracted. Oy vey I’m a mess 😊

Sep 05, 2019 2:27:56 PM Me

Darren Daily on Overwhelm made me cry. haha

Sep 05, 2019 2:50:10 PM Me

That was a good post. I may record it and keep a local copy of it.

Sep 05, 2019 4:22:08 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 36 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Good idea

Sep 05, 2019 4:25:16 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 32 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Good to separate his behaviors or actions from him. Remind him that you love him unconditionally. Aidan is at that age

Sep 09, 2019 12:04:25 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 1 second) Me

Hey there. Hope your Monday is going well.

Sep 09, 2019 12:06:03 PM +13038752587

Bonjourno

Sep 09, 2019 12:06:16 PM +13038752587

It is

Sep 09, 2019 12:06:31 PM +13038752587

How about you? Liz back?

Sep 09, 2019 12:07:16 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 1 second) Me

Yes. Liz got back 4pm Saturday.

Sep 09, 2019 12:09:58 PM Me

We were in LA all day yesterday for her Dad’s memorial service at Harvard-Westlake.

Sep 09, 2019 12:10:08 PM Me

it was so very nice and a great tribute to him.

Sep 09, 2019 12:10:49 PM Me

I met Gray Davis, past Govenor of California, at the service. Turns out he was a student of Nat’s.

Sep 09, 2019 12:13:59 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Sep 09, 2019 12:17:23 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 09, 2019 12:17:48 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 1 second) Me

OMG, SO damn cute

Sep 09, 2019 12:18:55 PM Me

how do you get anything done?

Sep 09, 2019 12:19:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Picture of me and Liz, our boys, her mom (next to Declan) and Liz’s cousin Anne next to Aidan on the left.

Sep 09, 2019 12:19:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 09, 2019 12:21:44 PM +13038752587

It’s is hard to get much done 😃

Sep 09, 2019 12:21:57 PM +13038752587

Great picture of the family

Sep 09, 2019 12:22:14 PM Me

I know. Everyone looks good.

Sep 09, 2019 12:22:44 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Made me emotional when I first saw it—I’m feeling incredibly fragile and emotional.

Sep 09, 2019 12:23:05 PM Me

that event yesterday really moved me

Sep 09, 2019 12:28:58 PM Me

You have a good weekend?

Sep 09, 2019 12:29:58 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - distracted myself from work 🙃

Sep 09, 2019 12:30:07 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 09, 2019 12:30:20 PM +13038752587

Sep 09, 2019 12:30:36 PM +13038752587

Deciding on color for house 🏡

Sep 09, 2019 12:30:59 PM +13038752587

Went out on Sat with Tree and Din last min

Sep 09, 2019 12:31:13 PM +13038752587

Sep 09, 2019 12:31:39 PM +13038752587

Sep 10, 2019 3:30:17 PM Me

Loved your video. Hope you had a good weekend. Hey, what are your thoughts about appreciation, or lack there of more specifically. What to do when you feel like you’re not being appreciated. Just curious how you would tackle something like that

Sep 10, 2019 3:31:15 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Start appreciating others

Sep 10, 2019 3:32:05 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

What exactly do you mean by “appreciation”?

Sep 10, 2019 3:38:38 PM Me

It might be interpreted as gratitude,

Sep 10, 2019 3:38:44 PM Me

Or love

Sep 10, 2019 3:41:53 PM +13038752587

Again is begin loving and being grateful

Sep 10, 2019 3:42:36 PM +13038752587

Almost all of the feelings stem from how you feel about yourself

Sep 10, 2019 3:46:40 PM Me

So if I follow that logic, you’re saying is if I see things that aren’t the way I want them to be that I need to put more of what I’m missing in the world

Sep 10, 2019 5:40:51 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Sep 10, 2019 5:41:47 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 31 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Someone wise said - be the change you want to see in the world

Reactions:

Emphasized by Me

Sep 10, 2019 5:42:27 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 30 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

And do it without expectation

Sep 10, 2019 8:14:01 PM Me

Yes, of course. 😆

Sep 11, 2019 9:05:53 AM Me

Happy Wednesday!!

Sep 11, 2019 9:42:48 AM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 11 seconds) Me

Hope you’re having good day over there

Sep 11, 2019 9:46:48 AM Me

My anxiety and depression have been creeping up on me

Sep 11, 2019 11:31:50 AM (Read by them after 58 seconds) Me

How has work been going?

Sep 11, 2019 1:04:04 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Sep 11, 2019 1:04:27 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Getting paperwork done to refinance house

Sep 11, 2019 1:04:46 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Work a bit slow - good meetings today

Sep 11, 2019 1:05:29 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Are there things that trigger anxiety depression?

Sep 11, 2019 1:06:07 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

ie. caffeine, sleep, work

Sep 11, 2019 3:43:54 PM Me

Certainly sleep, for me, plays a role

Sep 11, 2019 3:45:31 PM Me

Mostly it’s thoughts and dwelling on them that triggers it. But work has been stressful. Having imposter syndrome issues, and lots of procrastination 😁

Sep 11, 2019 3:53:38 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

You have to stay out of the recesses of your mind

Sep 11, 2019 3:54:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Especially when it’s label the “past”

Sep 11, 2019 3:54:06 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

🙃

Sep 11, 2019 3:55:19 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

The second you start to time traveling and then make judgments of your past self. Stop 🛑 it!!!!

Sep 11, 2019 3:55:55 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Change your state immediately- stand up, jump, clap your hands

Sep 11, 2019 3:56:32 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Get your body into an excited energized state

Sep 11, 2019 3:57:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Watch something funny

Sep 11, 2019 3:57:20 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Listen to something inspiring

Sep 11, 2019 3:57:26 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe all 3

Sep 11, 2019 3:58:07 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

The one that is mandatory is change your physical being which will change your mental state

Sep 11, 2019 4:36:40 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 11, 2019 4:37:01 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Hail

Sep 11, 2019 5:03:11 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 13 seconds) Me

Perfect! Change the physical to change the mental

Sep 11, 2019 5:03:22 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 8 seconds) Me

That looks to be large hail.

Sep 11, 2019 5:05:10 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

It was - some just shy of a golf 🏌️ ball

Sep 11, 2019 5:05:37 PM +13038752587

I had to grab something outside - they hurt a bit

Sep 12, 2019 12:11:04 AM Me

Happy birthday to you old man! 😁🎂🎈🎉🎊🎁🎂🎂🎂🎂
Sent with Confetti

Sep 12, 2019 9:15:55 AM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

Feeling old today?

Sep 12, 2019 9:41:25 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

A bit - more frustrated. Bumping into actual life not matching up with my vision of life at this point in time.

Sep 12, 2019 11:11:28 AM Me

Maybe a bit of “cranky old man” going on? Get off my lawn!

Sep 12, 2019 11:11:33 AM Me

😁

Sep 12, 2019 11:16:39 AM Me

I hear you too. I think back to when I was 30, 25, or even 35 and what kind of idea/vision I had for my life. And then I consider where I’m at. I’m definitely not want to be. I feel captive in some sense. For me, I don’t have enough money saved for either retiring or kids college, and professionally I feel OK. Doing work I like with interesting people. Health is not where I want to be I am. Not getting enough sleep every day. So we all have our basket of shit it doesn’t match up with the pristine vision. It’s good to have goals aspirations things to shoot for, but sometimes you miss. And that’s OK. Re-calibrate, learn, and take action again

Sep 12, 2019 11:17:45 AM Me

The thing I contemplate now is do I want to spend time on this “thing”. Whatever it may be I realize I don’t have infinite time so picking my efforts wisely it’s becoming more important to me

Sep 12, 2019 11:20:57 AM Me

Big thing is you have your health, you can always make more money, and you have your amazing kids, and your lovely wife. He has a family which is something a lot of people never get to have and really want it. I always read remember that no matter what I have my family

Sep 12, 2019 11:41:32 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

All good points

Sep 12, 2019 11:41:57 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Wrote this on the board today -

Sep 12, 2019 11:42:09 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 12, 2019 12:36:01 PM Me

Even dirty diapers? 😁

Sep 12, 2019 1:18:59 PM +13038752587

😀

Sep 12, 2019 7:45:13 PM Me

Hey man, hope you’re out for some pints tonight. You have to be pretty damn sick to not be out for pints is my guess. In any event I heard these four lines on a guided meditation today and it was quite profound. You are safe You are accepted You are forgiven You are loved

Sep 12, 2019 7:54:46 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Very nice

Sep 12, 2019 7:54:54 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 12, 2019 7:55:18 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

No pints - margs, steak and red wine 🍷

Sep 12, 2019 8:02:31 PM Me

That looks like a great evening right there. Big hello from OJAI to everyone. Be well, and have a margarita for me

Sep 12, 2019 8:29:45 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 36 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Sep 13, 2019 10:07:00 AM Me

https://apple.news/Af6tnj7VpTbW5F0h-l3kbWQ

Sep 13, 2019 11:02:36 AM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

Sep 16, 2019 10:12:15 AM Me

Hey there, happy Monday! Hope your weeks off to a good start. I wonder what you know about sudden weeping. This morning and on Saturday I had moments where I just started crying and feeling very sad and a lot of emotion coming out of me, but I’m on mobile to pinpoint the source. It’s a very strange song, to have a release like that and not know why it’s happening. Any ideas?

Sep 16, 2019 10:55:37 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - feelings you have repressed most likely

Sep 16, 2019 10:55:46 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Nat - uncle Dave

Sep 16, 2019 10:56:20 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Feelings have a way of surfacing

Sep 16, 2019 12:22:27 PM Me

It was really weird. I was hiking yesterday, I stopped to take break and suddenly started. Then later in the hike, while hiking, it started. This morning it happened while on the eliptical machine.

Sep 16, 2019 2:08:19 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Release 😀

Sep 16, 2019 2:08:40 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Let it out 😭

Sep 16, 2019 2:08:55 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

You will feel better

Sep 17, 2019 10:09:12 AM Me

And again this morning listening to a podcast about work, wtf? It feels like I have untold volumes of repressed sadness. If I think about it, it’s like floodgates open.

Sep 17, 2019 10:09:28 AM Me

Oh happy Tuesday 😱

Sep 17, 2019 10:09:45 AM Me

🤪

Sep 17, 2019 1:34:34 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Let it all out

Sep 18, 2019 10:47:34 AM Me

Hey man, happy Wednesday! Hope you’re doing well out there in Colorado. I’ve got a link pasted below to a meditation practice been listening to on something called insight timer, meditation, we got work recommended to me, he’s a meditation teacher. In any event this meditation is extremely powerful, The woman speaking, speaks directly to me and the things I struggle with. At the same time the struggles are universal, so I thought I would share this with you. It’s nine minutes long and it’s definitely worth the listen in a peaceful quiet place. And a sidenote, this woman has many meditations on the app and all of them are outstanding, in fact I have not run into a bad meditation from any of the teachers on the app. Cheers!

Sep 18, 2019 10:47:38 AM Me

https://insig.ht/foH3Eo1u5Z

Sep 18, 2019 10:49:02 AM Me

Every time I listen to her talks, emotions swirl powerfully. Feels quite good

Sep 18, 2019 10:54:52 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 31 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Sep 18, 2019 10:55:04 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 31 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Sep 18, 2019 12:46:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

I love this ...

Sep 18, 2019 12:47:06 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 18, 2019 12:47:07 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Did you do DD today?

Sep 18, 2019 2:27:33 PM Me

Haha. You always liked those crazy sounding things. I remember that from when we were kids

Sep 18, 2019 2:27:44 PM Me

Did not do the Darren Daily today, is it a good one?

Sep 18, 2019 2:52:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 43 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Sep 18, 2019 9:46:51 PM Me

The Darren Daily was hilarious!!!! Multitasking makes you twice as dumb as a stoner!! Hahaha 🤣

Sep 18, 2019 9:47:11 PM Me

That and “Stop It!!!”

Sep 18, 2019 9:47:23 PM Me

Made me think of Newhart

Sep 19, 2019 8:36:27 AM Me

Good morning over there!

Sep 19, 2019 8:39:07 AM (Read by you after 29 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Sep 23, 2019 10:10:43 AM Me

Good morning out there

Sep 23, 2019 10:27:03 AM (Read by you after 47 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Sep 23, 2019 10:27:12 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Monday

Sep 23, 2019 10:27:44 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Forwarding email from mediatemple

Sep 23, 2019 10:27:58 AM Me

Oh ok cool, thanks

Sep 23, 2019 10:29:37 AM Me

We had a busy soccer weekend. Game on Saturday, and game on Sunday. Both were 8 AM kick off’s, which means we were up at 5:30 5:45 in the morning to get to the game on time. Of course I was staying up late over the weekend, so my head is all screwed up today

Sep 23, 2019 10:29:44 AM Me

I woke up and did not know what day it was

Sep 23, 2019 10:32:38 AM Me

You guys do anything big over the weekend? Or just lay low and keep it local

Sep 23, 2019 10:35:53 AM +13038752587

Get sleep 💤

Sep 23, 2019 10:36:04 AM +13038752587

How the boys do at soccer

Sep 23, 2019 10:36:32 AM +13038752587

Local - sat clean outside , sun clean computer

Sep 23, 2019 10:36:56 AM Me

Yeah, slept in a bit this morning until 9

Sep 23, 2019 4:06:54 PM Me

We won both our games this weekend! Darragh’s team won 1 to 0 and I was very tightly contested match

Sep 23, 2019 4:07:29 PM Me

Declan’s team won 5 to 2, he scored his first goal in years and had an assist. It was a great weekend for the boys on the pitch

Sep 25, 2019 11:46:33 AM Me

Hey there, hope your Wednesday is going well. How are things going? What’s going on these days?

Sep 25, 2019 12:26:21 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Willows doc appt today - all good

Sep 25, 2019 12:26:37 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Be back home in 20

Sep 25, 2019 3:05:39 PM Me

I’ve been battling alot of old internal dialogue lately. Its been hard taking on ideas that feel like they’ve always been the truth. Lots of mental dredging going on for me. It feels hard, but I hope its worthwhile (freeing me up)

Sep 25, 2019 3:06:00 PM Me

Lots of tears with this too

Sep 25, 2019 3:06:38 PM Me

very emotional experience. its been hard to concentrate

Sep 25, 2019 3:06:47 PM Me

big picture thinking this is positive.

Sep 25, 2019 3:06:55 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Sep 25, 2019 3:07:20 PM +13038752587

Journal it - then burn it 🔥

Sep 25, 2019 3:07:26 PM Me

haha

Sep 25, 2019 3:07:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve done that type of thing before

Sep 25, 2019 3:07:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cathartic

Sep 25, 2019 3:07:57 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Set yourself free from the chains holding you to the past

Sep 25, 2019 3:08:08 PM Me

indeed.

Sep 25, 2019 3:08:39 PM Me

every time I go there—incredibly emotional and release. But I can only do so much at a time.

Sep 25, 2019 3:08:54 PM Me

too intense. Feel like I could be a mess all day 😊

Sep 25, 2019 3:10:48 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

They may feel like steel but they are paper - as you write them down and burn them, you can set yourself free

Sep 25, 2019 3:11:07 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Glad to hear your our releasing them 😀

Sep 25, 2019 3:11:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah, me too.

Sep 25, 2019 3:12:59 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

You are not the past you, you are not the judgements of your past self, your are not your past experiences or events

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Sep 27, 2019 10:29:50 AM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

Hey there, hope you’re having a good Friday over there.

Sep 27, 2019 10:38:16 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Friday

Sep 27, 2019 10:38:26 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Willow turned 4 today

Sep 27, 2019 10:38:41 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

And Lilly will be 1 in 2 weeks

Sep 27, 2019 10:38:55 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

How goes your day?

Sep 27, 2019 10:39:06 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Did you watch DD this week?

Sep 27, 2019 10:47:22 AM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

I cannot believe she’s 4

Sep 27, 2019 10:47:30 AM Me

Wow! Happy Birthday Willow!!!

Sep 27, 2019 10:48:02 AM Me

same for Lilly. Can’t believe its been a year already.

Sep 27, 2019 10:48:08 AM Me

Time is flying!!!!

Sep 27, 2019 10:49:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had a 3/4 year old boy sit near me with his mom in the dentist office waiting area yesterday taking Declan to the dentist. He was incredibly cute with his mom and it made me incredibly nostalgic for my time with all my boys when they were that little.

Sep 27, 2019 10:51:08 AM +13038752587

I am consciously reminding myself to be present as I hear it often - the grow up so quickly

Sep 27, 2019 10:51:20 AM Me

I nearly started to cry because I was so moved rememebering my boys when they were that little. Made me want to go back in time.

Sep 27, 2019 10:51:31 AM Me

I miss that

Sep 27, 2019 10:51:31 AM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

Each age has its charm

Sep 27, 2019 10:51:39 AM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

but you never get to go back

Sep 27, 2019 10:51:51 AM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

enjoy little people while you have them

Sep 27, 2019 10:52:32 AM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

they can be frustrating, and not do what you ask when you ask, and life can distract you from how incredible little kids are.

Sep 27, 2019 10:53:21 AM Me

other thing, I would record videos of them. My boys are fascinated with video of them when they were tiny. I dont have much so I regret not taping more

Sep 27, 2019 10:54:52 AM +13038752587

We took a ton of Willow- reminding myself to take them with Lilly

Sep 27, 2019 10:55:05 AM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

exactly. took lots of aidan, but not much else

Sep 27, 2019 10:55:25 AM +13038752587

I would like your professional input

Sep 27, 2019 10:55:29 AM Me

sure

Sep 27, 2019 10:55:46 AM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

Branding/ logo

Sep 27, 2019 10:57:30 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Main target will be companies doing 10-20 mil in revenue, most likely high end resorts

Sep 27, 2019 10:57:56 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Purple with gold?

Sep 27, 2019 10:58:14 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Mtn photo or graphic?

Sep 27, 2019 10:58:22 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Best font type?

Sep 27, 2019 10:59:11 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

We want to portray ...

Sep 27, 2019 10:59:36 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

High end - best - experts

Sep 27, 2019 10:59:48 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Systematic approach

Sep 27, 2019 11:00:00 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Elite

Sep 27, 2019 11:00:15 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Transparent

Sep 27, 2019 11:00:19 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 54 seconds) +13038752587

No BS

Sep 27, 2019 11:00:47 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Thoughts 💭

Sep 27, 2019 11:00:50 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Ideas 💡

Sep 27, 2019 11:00:55 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds) +13038752587

?

Sep 27, 2019 11:03:00 AM Me

purple/gold is good = high end

Sep 27, 2019 11:03:12 AM Me

I would use graphic/illustration vs image

Sep 27, 2019 11:03:30 AM Me

scales better, easier to see/understand

Sep 27, 2019 11:04:29 AM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodoni

Sep 27, 2019 11:04:39 AM Me

type is subjective, but if you’re going high-end/resort then a serif typeface would be good. Depends on how “elegant” you want to get going for something like Bodoni

Sep 27, 2019 11:05:08 AM Me

If its high-end, but more “outdoorsy” then I would go with a modern sans-serif

Sep 27, 2019 11:05:38 AM Me

Whenever I want ideas for good typefaces I go to this guys website, Typewolf

Sep 27, 2019 11:05:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Typewolf

Sep 27, 2019 11:05:56 AM Me

great site that shows pairings too

Sep 27, 2019 11:07:17 AM Me

And colors depend on what mood/vibe your after

Sep 27, 2019 11:08:00 AM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

ColorBox

Sep 27, 2019 11:08:10 AM Me

And this is a cool color palette tool for building stepped pallets:

Sep 27, 2019 11:11:01 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Cool thanks - digging in after I send out a couple a pre - proposals

Sep 30, 2019 10:00:46 AM Me

Hey there, how goes Monday? How was your weekend?

Sep 30, 2019 1:46:19 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 49 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Good

Sep 30, 2019 1:46:21 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 49 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Your?

Sep 30, 2019 1:47:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 49 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Did a bday party for Willow and friends- that took most of Sat and a Sunday

Sep 30, 2019 3:36:33 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

Wow! A birthday weekend—you guys dont kid around. 😊

Sep 30, 2019 3:37:35 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

We had 3 soccer games Sat/Sun. 2 wins and a tie (should have won).Darraghs team moved from 6th place to tied for 2nd with 2 big wins. Declans team still tied for 2nd too. There are 8 teams in each of their respective divisions.

Sep 30, 2019 3:38:03 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

We’re fully into soccer season now through November

Sep 30, 2019 3:40:02 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Nice - how many games left in the season

Sep 30, 2019 3:50:51 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

We’ve reached mid - season after next weekends games.

Sep 30, 2019 3:51:30 PM Me

5-6 more weeks of regular season. Then League Cup

Sep 30, 2019 3:51:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That will take us nearly to December

Sep 30, 2019 3:52:22 PM Me

Not many more years of this with the boys. Trying to soak it all up and enjoy these last seasons. So much fun!

Sep 30, 2019 3:55:03 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Enjoy everyday

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Oct 01, 2019 9:36:35 AM Me

How are you today?

Oct 01, 2019 9:36:51 AM Me

I woke up with my head in the wrong place

Oct 01, 2019 9:37:28 AM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Great

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Oct 01, 2019 9:37:36 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Nice rainy morning

Oct 01, 2019 9:37:56 AM +13038752587

Go watch DD

Oct 01, 2019 9:38:00 AM Me

K

Oct 01, 2019 9:39:19 AM Me

In its essence I’m unhappy and I have all the conditions to be nothing but happy. That is compounding the unhappiness ☹️

Oct 01, 2019 9:39:50 AM Me

The awareness that I should be happy and can chose happy, but I’m not

Oct 01, 2019 9:39:55 AM Me

Wtf?

Oct 01, 2019 9:49:52 AM Me

That was a good DD

Oct 01, 2019 9:49:57 AM Me

Just finished

Oct 01, 2019 10:34:49 AM +13038752587

You are looking to the outside for happiness. And also using social norms to define your happiness. And judging yourself for not feeling as these norms dictate.

Oct 01, 2019 10:35:07 AM +13038752587

What are the two words....

Oct 01, 2019 10:35:17 AM Me

stop

Oct 01, 2019 10:35:18 AM Me

it

Oct 01, 2019 10:35:24 AM +13038752587

😀

Oct 01, 2019 10:35:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

was expecting confetti with that.

Oct 01, 2019 10:35:40 AM Me

haha

Oct 01, 2019 10:35:48 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 51 seconds) +13038752587

🎊

Oct 01, 2019 10:36:05 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) +13038752587

🎉

Oct 01, 2019 10:36:34 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

What brings you joy?

Oct 01, 2019 10:37:47 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 6 seconds) Me

That is a GREAT question

Oct 01, 2019 10:38:02 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 6 seconds) Me

and honestly nothing immediately comes to mind

Oct 01, 2019 10:39:27 AM +13038752587

BS

Oct 01, 2019 10:39:39 AM +13038752587

1st these chats

Oct 01, 2019 10:39:47 AM +13038752587

😁

Oct 01, 2019 10:39:53 AM Me

haha, yes of course

Oct 01, 2019 10:40:07 AM +13038752587

Seriously...

Oct 01, 2019 10:40:20 AM +13038752587

Watching the boys play soccer?

Oct 01, 2019 10:40:32 AM +13038752587

A yummy margarita

Oct 01, 2019 10:40:55 AM +13038752587

Swimming 🏊‍♀️

Oct 01, 2019 10:40:58 AM Me

I need to make a list

Oct 01, 2019 10:41:11 AM Me

I’m so focused on negative things

Oct 01, 2019 10:41:15 AM +13038752587

Yes - right now - 10 things

Oct 01, 2019 10:41:17 AM Me

ALL THE TIME

Oct 01, 2019 10:41:32 AM +13038752587

Start expecting joy and happiness

Oct 01, 2019 10:42:09 AM Me

my mind never stops looking for what’s not right, what’s off, what needs attention. its an annoying habit

Oct 01, 2019 10:42:25 AM +13038752587

You are in control

Oct 01, 2019 10:43:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my family, Liz, Soccer, margaritas, dancing, making and looking at art, hiking, learning, music, good food

Oct 01, 2019 10:43:48 AM Me

10 things

Oct 01, 2019 10:45:57 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Great - do those things as often as possible

Oct 01, 2019 10:46:46 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Well maybe not too many margs🤮

Oct 01, 2019 10:47:49 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

When you feel negative- go do something that brings you joy

Oct 01, 2019 10:49:02 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 6 seconds) Me

exactly

Oct 01, 2019 10:51:06 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 7 seconds) Me

honestly, I’ve been in a very weird head space lately. Not healthy and very dark. I’ve been in a similar headspace before and got through it—but it was not easy. Similar thoughts and feelings, but I consciously engage as an observer and not giving the thoughts power.

Oct 01, 2019 10:51:39 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 6 seconds) Me

It comes and goes and I’m savvy to its ways

Oct 01, 2019 10:52:14 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 7 seconds) Me

you will remember the times I was in the cubicle years ago texting you—those were dark times for me inside my head

Oct 01, 2019 11:00:07 AM +13038752587

Yes - and the past is

Oct 01, 2019 11:00:10 AM +13038752587

Well

Oct 01, 2019 11:00:19 AM +13038752587

In the past 😀

Oct 01, 2019 11:00:39 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Keep vigilant and expect happiness

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Oct 04, 2019 10:08:41 AM Me

Hey there. Hope Friday is treating you well out there

Oct 04, 2019 1:42:34 PM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

When is that?

Oct 04, 2019 1:42:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey spoke with my parents and they were talking about going to Colorado because Tree is planning something for your moms 80th.

Oct 04, 2019 1:43:27 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

?? I will have to talk with Tree

Oct 04, 2019 1:43:36 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Friday

Oct 04, 2019 1:43:47 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Morning dash with Willow

Oct 04, 2019 1:44:05 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 04, 2019 1:44:26 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Then fall gathering for preschool

Oct 04, 2019 1:44:38 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 04, 2019 1:44:49 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Now to get work done

Oct 04, 2019 1:44:57 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Ps watch today’s DD

Oct 04, 2019 2:29:55 PM Me

Awesome

Oct 04, 2019 2:30:02 PM Me

Dd was good

Oct 04, 2019 2:30:08 PM Me

I needed that

Oct 05, 2019 7:40:37 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: FullSizeRender.jpg.jpeg

This is the best tweet I’ve ever seen

Oct 07, 2019 9:06:43 AM Me

Good Monday morning over there. Hope you had a good weekend

Oct 07, 2019 9:21:08 AM Me

DD is interesting

Oct 07, 2019 9:21:12 AM Me

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/getting-unstuck-1-of-3

Oct 07, 2019 9:21:19 AM Me

Hope all is well

Oct 07, 2019 10:00:24 AM Me

I had a thought this morning, I seem to have awareness all the time. I see my behaviors thoughts actions, etc. sometimes before I am subject to them, sometimes after the fact. But I do see them. Therefore am I not awake? Am I Somehow chasing and looking for something that I already have?

Oct 07, 2019 10:01:27 AM Me

Buddhists who are awake and aware, will say that they are not free of suffering, or mental stress. But they work through it faster better quicker. I have to and for that I am awake. Am I not?

Oct 07, 2019 10:12:26 AM Me

Ginger Baker, Cream Drummer And Force Of Nature, Dies At 80

Oct 07, 2019 10:12:33 AM Me

NPR.org

Oct 07, 2019 11:05:56 AM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Yes you are awake

Oct 07, 2019 11:07:22 AM +13038752587

I find that we become so use to something that when it is gone we look for it to make sure it is gone/ which in many cases brings it back

Oct 07, 2019 11:07:49 AM +13038752587

Be aware - work through it - move on and don’t look back

Oct 07, 2019 11:07:54 AM Me

Never thought that but totally plausible

Oct 07, 2019 11:08:17 AM Me

I’ve been playing ping pong 🏓 for a while 😁

Oct 07, 2019 11:08:28 AM Me

Back and forth

Oct 07, 2019 11:09:51 AM Me

Cool. Glad to know I’m awake

Oct 07, 2019 11:10:10 AM Me

How are you doing.? Seem very busy

Oct 07, 2019 11:10:35 AM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Distracted

Oct 07, 2019 11:11:01 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Getting focused this week

Oct 07, 2019 11:11:19 AM Me

Know it well

Oct 07, 2019 11:12:07 AM Me

I have things I put off every week, With the promise of getting it done the following week in the evenings, or on the weekend after soccer. It never happens. And today I’ve made and commitment to myself to spend at least one hour a night going through that stuff I put off perpetually

Oct 07, 2019 11:12:33 AM Me

I think I look at it like Mount Everest how to eat an elephant one bite, rather than one bite at a time

Oct 07, 2019 11:13:10 AM +13038752587

Yes

Oct 07, 2019 11:13:23 AM +13038752587

Small steps

Oct 07, 2019 11:14:05 AM +13038752587

And staying focused in the moment -

Oct 07, 2019 11:14:11 AM Me

Yes

Oct 07, 2019 11:14:30 AM Me

Perhaps we can help each other with this?

Oct 07, 2019 11:14:44 AM +13038752587

Of course

Oct 07, 2019 11:15:34 AM Me

We both have this desire to get certain shit done but it falls off the radar: distraction, emergencies, kids.

Oct 07, 2019 11:16:14 AM Me

And getting tThose things back on the radar is extremely challenging. Many times you’re busy playing catch-up just on the urgent things that got put off because you were dealing with something.

Oct 07, 2019 11:17:57 AM +13038752587

#1 focus for me is getting income back on track -

Oct 07, 2019 11:18:09 AM +13038752587

I like the one hour thing -

Oct 07, 2019 11:19:00 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

First thing that will help is unsubscribe from everything - cleans up the inbox, the mental space and distraction

Oct 07, 2019 11:19:12 AM +13038752587

That is my task this evening

Oct 07, 2019 11:19:18 AM +13038752587

What’s yours?

Oct 07, 2019 11:21:16 AM Me

I have piles of papers. In baskets, in boxes, etc. I need to be gone through and either pitch, or filed in someway. I just keep making piles and not processing

Oct 07, 2019 11:32:57 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - game on

Oct 07, 2019 11:35:22 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

haha, ok.

Oct 07, 2019 11:35:52 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

thing I think about is I always find time to watch tv, documentaries, etc. but always have this shit sitting around in boxes.

Oct 07, 2019 11:36:20 AM Me

I know it can be done. I’m getting distracted 😊

Oct 07, 2019 11:39:39 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Priorities and create your bubble of unavailable unless it’s a real emergency like 911 type of emergencies

Oct 07, 2019 11:46:15 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

right

Oct 07, 2019 11:46:40 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I carve out time for work meetings/calls, I can do it for this.

Oct 07, 2019 11:47:00 AM Me

I’m subconsciously deciding that its not important

Oct 07, 2019 11:50:07 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Or you there is pain around doing it so we avoid it

Oct 07, 2019 11:50:15 AM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Which causes more pain

Oct 08, 2019 9:38:38 AM Me

Hey there, good morning!

Oct 08, 2019 9:38:41 AM Me

😁

Oct 08, 2019 9:39:26 AM Me

I got 8 hours of sleep last night. First time I’ve done that since I can’t rememberer

Oct 08, 2019 10:09:29 AM Me

DD is good today, and yesterday. Tomorrow is part 3 about getting unstuck

Oct 08, 2019 10:10:33 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Yes to sleep

Oct 08, 2019 10:10:53 AM Me

Was great. I feel differently

Oct 08, 2019 10:11:01 AM +13038752587

DD definitely was in target for you today

Oct 08, 2019 10:11:09 AM Me

Got 7+ night before

Oct 08, 2019 10:11:30 AM +13038752587

Your on a roll - keep it up

Oct 08, 2019 10:11:39 AM Me

Yeah, I’ve been stuck a while in some areas. Just surviving really

Oct 08, 2019 10:12:30 AM Me

I just don’t enjoy physically feeling like shit anymore. Darren said it today, if you’re tired and burned out frustrated etc. he said you’re not taking care of yourself. You’re no good to anybody until you get yourself better.

Oct 08, 2019 10:12:44 AM Me

I’ve heard those lines before over and over and over again you’re finally starting to crack through my head

Oct 08, 2019 10:13:18 AM Me

They are, Not you are

Oct 08, 2019 10:14:34 AM Me

Had a realization yesterday that the time I have left here, or we have left here at Thacher is far less and the time we spent.

Oct 08, 2019 10:15:55 AM Me

Did you get your hour of work done last night?

Oct 08, 2019 10:55:29 AM Me

My new morning desk location from the new dining hall

Oct 08, 2019 10:56:35 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Very nice

Oct 08, 2019 10:56:46 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Not an hour

Oct 08, 2019 10:56:57 AM +13038752587

Did you do your hour?

Oct 08, 2019 10:57:15 AM Me

Yep. Did an hour+ a bit more.

Oct 08, 2019 10:57:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I made up for you

Oct 08, 2019 10:57:26 AM Me

😊

Oct 09, 2019 9:51:34 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 23 seconds) Me

good morning

Oct 09, 2019 10:13:30 AM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Oct 09, 2019 10:14:20 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 22 seconds) Me

😁

Oct 09, 2019 10:17:08 AM Me

didn’t get my hour in last night. got home about 8:15, ate dinner and was tired 😟

Oct 09, 2019 10:17:42 AM +13038752587

Sleep is the highest priority

Oct 09, 2019 10:17:54 AM +13038752587

Did you watch any distractions

Oct 09, 2019 10:18:53 AM Me

do you mean tv?

Oct 09, 2019 10:19:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I did get fairly decent sleep 7+, but woke up 2 times in the middle of the night

Oct 09, 2019 10:21:11 AM +13038752587

Yes tv or any other screen

Oct 09, 2019 10:21:21 AM +13038752587

Awesome on the sleep

Oct 09, 2019 10:21:46 AM Me

yes, liz and I are watching a Steven King series called “Castle Rock”

Oct 09, 2019 10:27:17 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Did you watch one or two or more episodes

Oct 09, 2019 10:27:21 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 22 seconds) Me

ONE

Oct 09, 2019 10:27:27 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 21 seconds) Me

whoops cap lock on

Oct 09, 2019 10:29:02 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 55 seconds) +13038752587

🤗

Oct 10, 2019 8:48:02 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Let it snow ❄️

Oct 10, 2019 9:54:42 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Let it snow ❄️

Oct 10, 2019 9:55:01 AM Me

Wow!

Oct 10, 2019 10:20:05 AM Me

I go to the Gastro doctor today for a follow up appointment and get my results back. There’s something going on in my esophagus, and I’m really nervous about that appointment today

Oct 10, 2019 10:25:20 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t worry over what you don’t know

Oct 10, 2019 10:25:39 AM +13038752587

Could be something as simple as reflux

Oct 10, 2019 10:28:24 AM +13038752587

I remember a few years back I had this pressure in my upper esophagus and when they checked it out it was a swollen sphincter caused by acid reflux. Shifted diet and propped bed - gone in about 6 weeks

Oct 10, 2019 10:30:13 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Had me worried - I stopped eating anything I thought could be causing the issue before I found out what it was. Always best to get it checked out and it is always not as bad as my mind will make it out especially if I feed my mind internet research 🙄

Oct 10, 2019 10:30:44 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Let me know what they say

Oct 10, 2019 10:44:17 AM Me

Will do.

Oct 10, 2019 10:44:33 AM Me

Yes staying away from the Internet entirely. It just makes things crazier

Oct 10, 2019 11:55:10 AM Me

This particular meditation speeks to me on a deep level. I feel and live what she’s saying. It’s 10mins. You should try it. It brings me to tears every time

Oct 10, 2019 11:55:17 AM Me

https://insig.ht/kTGvdAD5F0

Oct 10, 2019 5:51:12 PM Me

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/getting-unstuck-3-of-3

Oct 10, 2019 5:51:12 PM Me

This is really good

Oct 10, 2019 5:53:46 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 52 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Been keeping up - good stuff - watch today’s

Oct 10, 2019 5:54:09 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 52 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Liked the meditation

Oct 10, 2019 5:54:17 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 52 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

How the doc go

Oct 11, 2019 12:47:08 PM (Read by them after 1 minute) Me

Hey there, Happy Friday!

Oct 11, 2019 12:47:12 PM (Read by them after 1 minute) Me

Oct 11, 2019 12:47:32 PM (Read by them after 59 seconds) Me

Officially is bad esophigitous. They want to put me on meds for a year and see if it stabilizes or gets better. Next step would be Barrettes. So I’m past GERD and at #2. He says we don’t want Barrerts and if that were to happen then we would need to be concerned about cellular changes that’s when people get esophagus cancer. He said he’s not worried about me heading down that road because I’m 50 and very healthy

Oct 11, 2019 12:48:08 PM (Read by them after 59 seconds) Me

And I have a hiatal hernia. Part of my stomach is pushed up above the diaphragm. This is contributing to the issue.

Oct 11, 2019 1:31:32 PM (Read by them after 59 seconds) Me

HI Declan, 2 things we need to know from your coach. 1. What field number are we playing on? 2. What time do we need to be there for warmups?

Oct 11, 2019 1:48:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

You sent the last message to me 😳

Oct 11, 2019 1:48:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Meme has a hiatal too

Oct 11, 2019 1:49:09 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

What kind of meds? Can diet alone work?

Oct 21, 2019 3:59:01 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 41 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Just landed in NYC

Oct 21, 2019 3:59:19 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 41 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to ID8 at Facebook tomorrow

Oct 22, 2019 10:41:04 AM Me

Whoa! NYC? Wow 😲

Oct 22, 2019 10:41:15 AM Me

That will be fun

Oct 22, 2019 10:41:27 AM Me

You’re there now

Oct 22, 2019 10:42:21 AM Me

When you have a minute and your head is not in all the information give me a shout out and let me know how it went

Oct 22, 2019 11:08:08 AM +13038752587

Oct 22, 2019 11:21:59 AM Me

Be sure to say hi to Zanuck! And tell him to stop being such an asshole with our private data 😁

Oct 22, 2019 11:22:09 AM Me

Zuck

Oct 22, 2019 4:44:59 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 3 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

You realize nothing is private anymore 😳

Oct 22, 2019 4:45:33 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 2 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

It was a great day - lots of smart folks doing some cool things with FB

Oct 23, 2019 9:48:42 AM Me

Cool. You there again today? How long in nyc?

Oct 23, 2019 11:26:00 AM +13038752587

Yes

Oct 23, 2019 11:26:20 AM +13038752587

Oct 23, 2019 11:26:35 AM +13038752587

Til Friday

Oct 23, 2019 11:27:08 AM +13038752587

Developer Community summit today and tomorrow

Oct 23, 2019 11:27:22 AM Me

You in the offices? That’s what it looks like

Oct 23, 2019 11:27:33 AM +13038752587

On this floor

Oct 23, 2019 11:27:39 AM Me

If so, cool. Get a coffee mug

Oct 23, 2019 11:27:42 AM Me

Haha

Oct 23, 2019 11:27:53 AM Me

Imagine their swagging you up

Oct 23, 2019 11:28:02 AM +13038752587

A little so far

Oct 23, 2019 11:29:24 AM Me

Cool, you’ll love this. Last night after working 6 to 8 hours on styling an application, my app crashed as I was saving and erased the file. I’ve been spending all morning redoing my work. The amount of swearing was a bit much last night

Oct 23, 2019 11:29:39 AM Me

🤬

Oct 23, 2019 11:29:45 AM +13038752587

I bet

Oct 23, 2019 11:29:51 AM Me

That was my emoji last night

Oct 23, 2019 11:30:16 AM Me

Well, have fun. I’ll be curious to hear your destination and download of what you got out of it after you get back and reflect

Oct 23, 2019 11:30:51 AM +13038752587

Oct 23, 2019 11:32:28 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Back to meeting

Oct 23, 2019 11:32:32 AM +13038752587

Ttyl

Oct 23, 2019 11:33:16 AM Me

K

Oct 28, 2019 6:53:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Cajones the size of Coconuts....

Oct 28, 2019 6:53:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Oct 29, 2019 8:52:55 AM Me

Hey there, are you back in Colorado? Still in New York? You’ve been super quiet everything OK?

Oct 29, 2019 8:59:05 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Yes back

Oct 29, 2019 8:59:14 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Last week was packed

Oct 29, 2019 8:59:58 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

At baby appt

Oct 29, 2019 10:10:58 AM Me

Cool. Hope baby and all of you are well 😁

Oct 29, 2019 10:43:05 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

1st year appt

Oct 29, 2019 10:43:17 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Vaccines

Oct 29, 2019 10:43:30 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

I got a flu shot

Oct 29, 2019 11:19:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

good to get that with kiddos around

Oct 29, 2019 11:19:45 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Fast Company

Oct 30, 2019 10:39:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there, good morning. You back at your desk? Back to your routine?

Oct 30, 2019 10:41:15 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Oct 30, 2019 10:41:37 AM (Read by you after 54 seconds) +13038752587

No - two snow days this week

Oct 30, 2019 10:42:12 AM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Next week tomorrow Halloween and clear liquid day

Oct 30, 2019 10:42:28 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Friday- colonoscopy

Oct 30, 2019 10:42:58 AM Me

Is that your 50th birthday present deferred? or something else?

Oct 30, 2019 10:43:09 AM +13038752587

Yes

Oct 30, 2019 10:43:15 AM Me

snow days? you get snow days?

Oct 30, 2019 10:43:28 AM Me

kids in school do, but heck I need some snow days

Oct 30, 2019 10:43:32 AM Me

😊

Oct 30, 2019 10:43:42 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Had it scheduled and some how never got info so let it go

Oct 30, 2019 10:44:45 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Sort of for me - Willow needs to burn some energy, so we get some father daughter time

Oct 30, 2019 10:45:08 AM Me

Ahhh, ok makes sense.

Oct 30, 2019 10:45:12 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 30, 2019 10:45:47 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 30, 2019 10:45:54 AM Me

see we’re still in the 70’s here. we have 20mph winds today, and the state is burning to the ground, but not here

Oct 30, 2019 10:46:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

LA and up north have it bad

Oct 30, 2019 10:46:45 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Nice temp- bummer in fires

Oct 30, 2019 10:48:11 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Our house is in a state of clutter. We sold our dressers, moved bedrooms back upstairs and In process of setting my office back up.

Oct 30, 2019 10:50:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dude, having kids means you’re always in a state of clutter. We live out of sorted laundry baskets. The laundry gets done, put in a pile and we sort into 5 baskets. Clothes never make it to the dresser. Been like that for YEARS and I’m just coming to terms with it. Soon enough I’ll be sad I’m not sorting my kids underwear because they’ve moved out 😊

Oct 30, 2019 12:48:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just randomly came across emails from 5 years ago working with you on FREE BEER idea

Oct 30, 2019 12:48:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

can’t believe its been 5 years

Oct 30, 2019 12:59:33 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Wow that was 5 years ago

Oct 30, 2019 12:59:46 PM Me

RIght?

Oct 30, 2019 12:59:49 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 30, 2019 1:00:00 PM +13038752587

Willows snow hill

Oct 30, 2019 1:00:04 PM Me

Nice!

Oct 30, 2019 1:00:11 PM Me

Wish we got snowhere

Oct 30, 2019 1:00:14 PM Me

just wind and fire

Oct 30, 2019 1:00:36 PM Me

good map of active fires:

Oct 30, 2019 1:00:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

www.latimes.com

Oct 31, 2019 9:02:13 AM Me

Fighting off the demons this morning. Trying to drag me to the dark places 🙁ugh this is getting so old

Oct 31, 2019 9:02:36 AM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Willow will chase them away

Oct 31, 2019 9:03:33 AM Me

So damn cute. I can see you in her.

Oct 31, 2019 9:03:57 AM Me

I forgot it was a holiday

Oct 31, 2019 9:04:27 AM Me

No costumes or pumpkins 🎃 here

Oct 31, 2019 9:05:07 AM +13038752587

Really ~ boys getting to old?

Oct 31, 2019 9:07:31 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Question At Cheese Importers to resurrect their web project and of course it a rush to get ready for holiday season What is a fair price for revive and rush project

Oct 31, 2019 9:18:56 AM Me

From nothing? To full website?

Oct 31, 2019 9:21:55 AM Me

Or do they have something and you’re updating?

Oct 31, 2019 9:22:14 AM Me

Trying to understand where they are currently at where you need to get them to be. Once I know that then I can give you an estimate

Oct 31, 2019 9:26:50 AM +13038752587

Basically scratch start- all files deleted

Oct 31, 2019 9:28:22 AM Me

Wow ok.

Oct 31, 2019 9:28:49 AM Me

Wordpress? Wix? Square space?

Oct 31, 2019 9:29:51 AM Me

Imagine Wordpress

Oct 31, 2019 9:31:04 AM Me

Thanksgiving is 3 weeks away so if they want to be online before then. I would estimate and double it for the rush

Oct 31, 2019 9:31:33 AM Me

So if you’re thinking 2-3k, then it’s 4-6k

Oct 31, 2019 9:31:54 AM Me

But not sure how much heavy lifting you have here

Oct 31, 2019 9:32:27 AM Me

If it’s just taking the old site and getting it back online it’s not going to take very long, but if they want new stuff, new pages, edit content, then the price goes up significantly

Oct 31, 2019 10:06:08 AM +13038752587

We had redesigned the site, then put it on hold for content. That was almost a year ago. So I’m thinking a slightly different layout now - using current content and will edit as needed after the holidays

Oct 31, 2019 10:06:49 AM +13038752587

They have been billed 6k for work done

Oct 31, 2019 10:21:21 AM Me

Is the website online right now or not?

Oct 31, 2019 10:22:44 AM +13038752587

Old one is

Oct 31, 2019 10:23:28 AM +13038752587

This is a new site, new hosting, new store (Shopify)

Oct 31, 2019 11:56:58 AM Me

Sorry been in a in person meeting for a while.

Oct 31, 2019 11:57:07 AM Me

The reason you had radio silence from me

Oct 31, 2019 11:57:38 AM Me

If you’re having to create an entirely new site then I would say this is a 2do $3000 job

Oct 31, 2019 11:57:45 AM Me

2-3k

Oct 31, 2019 11:59:50 AM Me

By the way, I’ve got some serious mental gymnastics going on today and is driving me crazy

Oct 31, 2019 1:02:48 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Your in control - dig into the tool bag - meditate or journal or list of gratitude or ...

Oct 31, 2019 1:03:12 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

One of things you know

Nov 01, 2019 10:47:08 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Good morning over there. Hope you’re well.

Nov 01, 2019 10:48:08 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Yesterday huge feelings of failure, regret, and inadequacy. Was time-traveling with my mind again.

Nov 01, 2019 10:50:41 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ve signed up for a membership to Insight Timer, a meditation app I’ve been using based on a colleague recommendation. Its the first app of its kind that I actually enjoy using and has a TON of meditations and classes from a wide variety of teachers. With free you are limited to what you can access and how long you can meditate, so for me I can see the value of paying for an annual subscription ($30 to start). I’m hopeful that by investing in a daily practice I can begin to free up my mind from its less than fun habits. 😊

Nov 01, 2019 12:29:19 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - daily habits lay the foundation

Nov 01, 2019 12:29:40 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to colonoscopy 😀

Nov 01, 2019 12:29:48 PM Me

Enjoy!

Nov 01, 2019 12:30:20 PM Me

Nov 01, 2019 12:34:15 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 6 hours, 33 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Haha 🤣

Nov 02, 2019 7:07:10 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 02, 2019 7:07:41 PM Me

Cool

Nov 02, 2019 7:08:03 PM +13038752587

Btw - all clear on colonoscopy

Nov 02, 2019 7:08:12 PM Me

Nice

Nov 02, 2019 7:08:29 PM +13038752587

Nov 02, 2019 7:10:12 PM Me

Darragh‘s team was in Lancaster today and defeated to higher division teams in the second round of league cup. That puts them in the final 32 teams for their age in all of Southern California club soccer. First time any of our boys have gotten to the round of 32

Nov 02, 2019 7:10:21 PM Me

They beat 2 teams today, 4-2 and 3-1

Nov 02, 2019 7:10:51 PM Me

That’s out of over 120 teams

Nov 02, 2019 7:11:08 PM +13038752587

Sweet

Nov 02, 2019 7:11:14 PM Me

Win next week in San Bernardino and sweet 16

Nov 02, 2019 7:11:24 PM Me

So much fun

Nov 02, 2019 7:11:32 PM Me

Reliving my glory days of soccer

Nov 02, 2019 7:11:41 PM +13038752587

I bet

Nov 02, 2019 7:12:06 PM +13038752587

Nov 02, 2019 7:12:10 PM Me

Thing is his club team could beat my high school team, and they are only 13 they are that good

Nov 02, 2019 7:12:19 PM Me

Omg

Nov 02, 2019 7:12:24 PM Me

Butterball

Nov 02, 2019 7:15:34 PM Me

Declan won his game too, 6-2 with a goal and assist

Nov 04, 2019 10:45:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Happy Monday. How goes it?

Nov 04, 2019 10:46:17 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Good . A bit crazy

Nov 04, 2019 10:46:43 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah’s phone screen trashed - $100 repair or buy new 11

Nov 04, 2019 10:47:30 AM Me

tough call. what version is her phone now

Nov 04, 2019 10:47:39 AM +13038752587

6

Nov 04, 2019 10:47:52 AM Me

I would make the jump.

Nov 04, 2019 10:48:12 AM +13038752587

My thoughts too - ultimately her decision

Nov 04, 2019 10:48:56 AM Me

if you dont want/need that iPhone 6 with broken screen I could use it. Darraghs old iPhone SE broke and he has no phone so looking for alternative. I could get the screen repaired. LMK what you decide.

Nov 04, 2019 10:49:28 AM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

I will check with the boss 😀

Nov 04, 2019 10:49:49 AM Me

Sent with Normal effect

Nov 04, 2019 10:50:46 AM +13038752587

Nice memogi

Nov 04, 2019 10:56:53 AM Me

Yeah, customized after last software upda

Nov 04, 2019 10:56:56 AM Me

Update

Nov 04, 2019 11:46:56 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

She went with repair option

Nov 07, 2019 1:18:28 PM Me

Hey there, how are you doing out there in Colorado?

Nov 07, 2019 1:20:44 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Nov 07, 2019 1:20:47 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Good

Nov 07, 2019 1:20:52 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

You in California

Nov 07, 2019 1:20:57 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

?

Nov 07, 2019 2:00:46 PM Me

https://insig.ht/cNLVmvrMq1 Check this out on Insight Timer! I bought a subscription and have been doing courses. Really liking it

Nov 08, 2019 9:41:23 AM Me

Just saw your reply from yesterday. I am in Cali, where else would I be?

Nov 08, 2019 9:41:32 AM Me

Good morning out there

Nov 08, 2019 9:41:44 AM Me

Sent with Normal effect

Nov 08, 2019 9:42:28 AM +13038752587

How are you doing in California - texting quickly - it was a bit cryptic

Nov 08, 2019 9:42:37 AM +13038752587

Bon Jour

Nov 08, 2019 9:46:16 AM Me

I’ve been better honestly. I’m sick right now, but have been having high BP and palpitations past couple weeks. My stress levels are very high, and then I start worrying about health. On the positive side I am meditating more than ever, exercising a great deal, and now starting some natural supplements to help with the blood pressure

Nov 08, 2019 9:46:49 AM Me

However I’m finding the meditation to be kind of disturbing right now. It’s dredging up a lot of emotion and sadness and shit I don’t even know that’s bubbling up

Nov 08, 2019 9:47:11 AM Me

I’ll just find myself crying in the middle of a meditation and not really know why it just happens

Nov 08, 2019 9:47:13 AM +13038752587

Let the emotions out

Nov 08, 2019 9:47:54 AM +13038752587

You don’t need to know or revisit the why / express the repressed

Nov 08, 2019 9:49:39 AM Me

And there we go, just got a text back from the accountant at Art & Logic, and payments are delayed because of slow paying clients. Fuck, I don’t need this money stress

Nov 08, 2019 9:49:59 AM Me

Going to miss car payment

Nov 08, 2019 9:55:52 AM Me

Not a great start to day

Nov 08, 2019 10:18:40 AM +13038752587

What? Sorry that is BS - your payment should not be delayed. The company should be able to cover payroll regardless of what a client does

Nov 08, 2019 10:19:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it happened once before. They have employees and they have contractors. I’m a contractor.

Nov 08, 2019 10:19:42 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I’m not happy about it.

Nov 08, 2019 10:20:00 AM +13038752587

In either case - they have an obligation to you

Nov 08, 2019 10:20:41 AM +13038752587

You did they work AL hired you to do - they client did not hire you

Nov 08, 2019 10:20:55 AM Me

And they were just asking me a favor to help with their taxes—they need me to incorporate (LLC) to ease/help a tax issue (new California labor law) and they want me to do it by the end of the year.

Nov 08, 2019 10:21:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Funny because I’ve been daydreaming about getting my own website/portfolio back online and running... maybe I need to focus on that and start looking around.

Nov 08, 2019 10:22:03 AM Me

Don’t know as what time I have I don’t want to waste

Nov 08, 2019 10:22:09 AM +13038752587

You should always be doing that

Nov 08, 2019 10:22:43 AM +13038752587

What are the $$ consequences of you forming an LLC

Nov 08, 2019 10:23:23 AM +13038752587

Nov 08, 2019 10:23:43 AM +13038752587

Positive vibes for today

Nov 08, 2019 10:23:48 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I would pay ~$150 to get it started and beyond that its how you file taxes. Not sure beyond that.

Nov 08, 2019 10:24:24 AM +13038752587

Is the company willing to compensate you for that

Nov 08, 2019 10:24:56 AM Me

Not sure, but was going to ask them if they would pick up the tab for that. However it is tax deductible for me. If I have them pay, no deduction.

Nov 08, 2019 10:32:15 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Thanks for that image

Nov 08, 2019 10:32:22 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Just read this:

Nov 08, 2019 10:32:28 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Medium

Nov 08, 2019 10:32:33 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

some interesting perspectives there

Nov 08, 2019 10:40:27 AM Me

My desk location this morning. With a view and location like this one would think you have no worries

Nov 08, 2019 10:40:41 AM Me

That’s my laptop obviously

Nov 08, 2019 10:41:00 AM Me

I’m in the new dining hall on campus

Nov 08, 2019 10:46:21 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/07/style/dopamine-fasting.html

Nov 08, 2019 10:46:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

here’s an interesting idea:

Nov 08, 2019 10:55:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You don’t have any worries

Nov 08, 2019 10:55:42 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

And who cares what others think

Nov 08, 2019 10:56:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

money, relationship, fatherhood — all big worries for me

Nov 08, 2019 10:56:58 AM +13038752587

Your worries are projections of a future that does not exist and is purely a figment of your imagination

Nov 08, 2019 10:57:19 AM +13038752587

Right now everything is ire

Nov 08, 2019 10:57:47 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

there’s a word I’ve not heard in decades

Nov 08, 2019 10:57:54 AM +13038752587

It is only when you time travel that worry is allowed to exist

Nov 08, 2019 10:57:55 AM Me

“ire”

Nov 08, 2019 10:58:12 AM +13038752587

It pop in so I used it

Nov 08, 2019 10:58:21 AM +13038752587

That is popped in my head

Nov 08, 2019 10:58:52 AM +13038752587

Nov 08, 2019 2:24:31 PM Me

https://apple.news/A843gonDcTleiQ31bpx7mRw

Nov 08, 2019 2:24:31 PM Me

Wow!

Nov 14, 2019 11:13:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey man, what’s shaking in Colorado?

Nov 14, 2019 11:14:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just got word Declan made JV soccer at the public school. 50+ kids competing for 34 spots between JV and Varsity. Really happy for him.

Nov 14, 2019 12:07:08 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

Nov 14, 2019 12:07:32 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Congrats Declan

Nov 14, 2019 12:09:02 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Rushing to get cheese site done for Black Friday. Discussing consulting gig for software company. Looking to identify the niche I want to offer devices too😳

Nov 14, 2019 12:09:27 PM +13038752587

And thrive is always close at mind

Nov 14, 2019 12:53:10 PM Me

Cool on Cheese Site.

Nov 14, 2019 12:53:17 PM Me

What type of consulting?

Nov 14, 2019 12:53:31 PM Me

Not sure I know what you mean about ‘devices’

Nov 14, 2019 1:11:44 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 35 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

#divices - services

Nov 14, 2019 1:12:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 35 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Startup consulting

Nov 14, 2019 2:48:01 PM Me

Cool. Let me know if I can help

Nov 14, 2019 2:48:49 PM Me

FYI school shooting 30miles away from here today. Very Sad day. And makes me worry about my own kids in public school

Nov 14, 2019 2:50:21 PM Me

And our governments inability to take on the NRA and gun lobby. Massacre Mitch McConnel refuses to allow even a DEBATE on the issue, not a vote, just a debate. Sickens me that they won’t take any action

Nov 14, 2019 2:50:54 PM Me

USA TODAY

Nov 14, 2019 7:22:03 PM (Read by you after 53 seconds) +13038752587

Sad to hear this

Nov 15, 2019 11:16:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Happy Friday!!

Nov 15, 2019 11:16:13 AM Me

Grrrrrr:

Nov 15, 2019 11:16:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Nov 15, 2019 11:17:01 AM Me

Rome is burning. I think I know what it feels like to watch a republic go down the toilet.

Nov 15, 2019 11:21:37 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - reality check

Nov 15, 2019 11:23:25 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

The 2nd amendment is a touchy area. Visit pre-world 2 Germany - and how the systematically disarmed the civilians

Nov 15, 2019 11:24:25 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Let me first say this is sad. That we have to worry about guns in school. And there are many solutions to that problem.

Nov 15, 2019 11:24:49 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

This is separate from gun laws.

Nov 15, 2019 11:25:42 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - back to Germany. This situation allowed the Nazi party to gain control without much resistance

Nov 15, 2019 11:26:02 AM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Next thought- I don’t one a gun do you?

Nov 15, 2019 11:26:49 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

So it is easy to say gun control is the solution since it won’t impact us directly

Nov 15, 2019 11:29:16 AM Me

Its the blocking of doing anything at all that is infuriating. I don’t think that one law is going to change anything. But we’ve had 38 school shootings this year, 38!!!! Yet every time it happens people all get sad, and the GOP obstructs any law, or EVEN A DEBATE on the issues. The failure of lawmakers to make society safer is a #FAIL every day of the week for me. Doesn’t matter what party.

Nov 15, 2019 11:29:50 AM Me

And I’m not saying we have to take ALL guns away from people.

Nov 15, 2019 11:30:17 AM Me

I blame all of this on Congress. It’s their fault. They failed the American people to enact sensible gun laws long long ago, and they continue to be owned by monied interests

Nov 15, 2019 11:30:53 AM Me

Why is it when 10-30 people suddenly die from something (think vaping) feds are ready to instantly ban it. Yet thousands die from gun violence and crickets...

Nov 15, 2019 11:31:57 AM Me

I cannot drive a car without taking courses, passing tests, and having a probation period. I cannot sell real estate without getting a license and passing classes, hell I can’t even cut hair without taking classes, passing courses and getting certified before I can do it.

Nov 15, 2019 11:32:23 AM Me

But I can go to a gun show and walk out with something that can have far greater impact on peoples lives than a bad haircut.

Nov 15, 2019 11:32:50 AM Me

makes no sense

Nov 15, 2019 11:36:14 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Congress is not to blame. And the moment we rely on them to keep us safe is a dangerous time

Nov 15, 2019 11:37:39 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

People do not ban together and change things - it needs to start at a local level and then move up. It is how almost all movements have made an impact on the government of the country

Nov 15, 2019 11:41:11 AM +13038752587

Some stats of deaths appx 70,000 drug overdose 40000 cars 80000 flu 40000 guns of which (24000 where suicide ☹️)

Nov 15, 2019 11:41:12 AM Me

well can’t disagree on congress

Nov 15, 2019 11:43:19 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

License or laws or common sense doesn’t change people’s determination for destruction of self or others

Nov 15, 2019 11:44:16 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

I think we need to address over all mental health in this country.

Nov 15, 2019 11:46:37 AM Me

agree 100%

Nov 15, 2019 11:47:53 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Ok last thought 💭 on this event. It was a 15 year old and I don’t believe he could by a gun. And in most school shootings the guns were not gotten through legal channels. So, the question may not be gun control as much as why are these young people driven to this state? What is happening in their world that this is the outcome they seek?

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 15, 2019 11:50:07 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I also believe the politicians are using these tragedy to further their own cause and not address the real problem of what is happening with these young people. And the news, well, tragedy is big money for them for a few weeks. This is another sad thing.

Reactions:

Emphasized by Me

Nov 15, 2019 11:50:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

agree on mental states of kids.

Nov 15, 2019 11:50:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and the politicians

Nov 15, 2019 11:51:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It was weird having a conversation with both Declan and Darragh last night about the event.

Nov 15, 2019 11:51:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Neither of them had heard it happened (which I found interesting) and we talked about “what if...” scenarios.

Nov 15, 2019 11:51:48 AM Me

Cant believe I had that talk with them

Nov 15, 2019 11:52:02 AM Me

I also hugged them hard yesterday

Nov 15, 2019 11:52:26 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

They don’t run drills in school - they do here. Scary stuff

Nov 15, 2019 11:52:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

They both know what to do, and more importantly I told them that if they hear or see anything weird to talk to an adult they trust immediately. Even if they think its not a big deal.

Nov 15, 2019 11:52:57 AM +13038752587

Reminds me of the Cold War kids doing nuclear bomb drills in school

Nov 15, 2019 11:53:04 AM Me

yes.

Nov 15, 2019 11:53:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

D&D have had “training”

Nov 15, 2019 11:53:18 AM Me

sad but true

Nov 15, 2019 11:53:44 AM Me

And we got emails from the Ojai school superintendent yesterday updating parents on their preparedness.

Nov 15, 2019 11:53:53 AM Me

just a different world

Nov 15, 2019 11:54:18 AM Me

I just cant imagine going to school, being asked to concentrate on learning with that in the back of your mind

Nov 15, 2019 11:54:36 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

I know, right

Nov 15, 2019 11:58:15 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Big hugs to you and the family.

Nov 15, 2019 11:58:33 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Time to do some work

Nov 15, 2019 12:05:23 PM Me

Sent with Normal effect

Thanks, and yes been ranting and not working. My blood pressure is high

Nov 15, 2019 12:09:12 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Remember DD - my world and the world

Nov 15, 2019 12:10:11 PM Me

DD?

Nov 15, 2019 12:10:20 PM Me

dungeons and dragons?

Nov 15, 2019 12:10:53 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

And the prayer. Know what you can change and what you can’t

Nov 15, 2019 12:11:01 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Darren daily

Nov 15, 2019 2:50:36 PM Me

https://apple.news/A69DJM3FlTaijTTh2YGsSvQ

Nov 15, 2019 2:50:36 PM Me

Reminds me of the 3 eyed fish on simpsons

Nov 16, 2019 10:53:08 AM Me

Off to San Bernardino today for Darraghs League Cup tournament and a chance at the sweet sixteen teams for his age group across ALL of Southern California. Over 150 teams.

Nov 16, 2019 10:53:33 AM Me

This is our third round of games, now single elimination

Nov 16, 2019 10:58:33 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 58 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Awesome. Go get it Darragh

Nov 16, 2019 3:56:47 PM Me

Thanks!! About to kickoff

Nov 17, 2019 2:23:03 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

How did the game go?

Nov 17, 2019 3:13:30 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

We lost yesterday 3-1. A competitive game, we had our chances to score but failed to convert. That and the “lucky bounces” going the other way. It was a winnable game that didn’t happen.

Nov 17, 2019 3:15:15 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Today we won our final game of the regular season 1-0. Darraghs team finishes the season 4th out of 8 teams. 3 of their losses were winnable games and one tie they handed to another team. So a very good season of learning. Like one of my old coaches says... when you’re not winning, you’re learning—or you’re doing it wrong.

Nov 18, 2019 9:05:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. Good Morning. It’s Monday, and it feels like it.

Nov 18, 2019 9:34:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wow. just had this feeling come over me—very strong. Has to do with regret. I saw a woman with her small child and made me reflect back to me with the boys. I only see my shortcomings, and struggling to see myself positively as a father. In fact I struggle to engage with my boys positively today because I feel I’m always on their case about something. Especially Aidan—he really has no love for me at all. I can feel it.

Nov 18, 2019 9:54:13 AM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

You roll as a parent is to best prepare your boys to live the best live they can

Nov 18, 2019 9:54:50 AM Me

😢

Nov 18, 2019 9:55:15 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

It is not to be their best friend (although a good friend when they are out in their own)

Nov 18, 2019 9:55:34 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Have you been listening to DDs

Nov 18, 2019 9:56:08 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

no, been meditating and busy with end of soccer season stuff.

Nov 18, 2019 9:56:27 AM Me

I’m sure you’re familiar with feeling like you’re losing control.

Nov 18, 2019 9:56:47 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

of course “control” in a true sense is an illusion—I get that.

Nov 18, 2019 9:58:44 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I am - everyday ever moment I am aware of how I need to be better with not letting the girls trigger my need for control

Nov 18, 2019 9:58:54 AM +13038752587

Ok - on a call with FB

Nov 18, 2019 9:58:56 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k

Nov 18, 2019 9:59:05 AM +13038752587

Bb later

Nov 18, 2019 9:59:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Nov 18, 2019 9:59:12 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

have a good call 😊

Nov 18, 2019 4:21:03 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 50 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

How gues the woo commerce project? Debating on it or Shopify for cheese

Nov 18, 2019 4:21:36 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 49 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

I have 10 products

Nov 18, 2019 4:21:53 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 49 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Possible gift card order

Nov 20, 2019 9:13:00 AM Me

Hey there good morning

Nov 20, 2019 9:18:02 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 20, 2019 9:41:55 AM Me

Such a cutie

Nov 20, 2019 9:42:42 AM Me

Hey, Declan had his first high school soccer game yesterday and they lost 3 to 2, which was a bummer. However, he scored one goal and had the assist on the other. #proudpapa

Nov 20, 2019 10:48:34 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Nov 20, 2019 10:49:10 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Thoughts 💭 on woo commerce should shoipify solution

Nov 20, 2019 10:52:00 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

General info: Order one or multiple baskets Send to one or multiple addresses Include gift message with each basket FedEx delivery plugin for delivery fee options Sales Tax solution plugin as required

Nov 20, 2019 10:55:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

mmm... my take is that shopify is more “plug-n-play” whereas Woo is more hands on (meaning you tweak settings to dial things in how you want)

Nov 20, 2019 10:55:26 AM Me

I just scanned this and looks helpful:

Nov 20, 2019 10:55:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

WebsiteToolTester

Nov 20, 2019 11:25:24 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I will check it out

Nov 20, 2019 11:25:53 AM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

Did you complete the WooCommerce project you had?

Nov 20, 2019 11:26:39 AM Me

yes, although I moved off the project:

Nov 20, 2019 11:26:41 AM Me

eliteUSA

Nov 20, 2019 11:28:59 AM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Website will be on Wordpress

Nov 20, 2019 11:29:30 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Thing with WooCommerce is support limitations

Nov 20, 2019 11:58:24 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

that’s why I would lean to shopify IMO

Nov 20, 2019 12:32:45 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks

Nov 20, 2019 12:32:57 PM Me

👍

Nov 21, 2019 10:06:02 AM Me

Hey there, hope you’re doing well today. The past couple of days have been interesting in terms of internal dialogue, awareness, and overall observation of my thoughts and patterns. Feels like meditation is helping with awareness, but it’s difficult to process some of it. It’s like you’re in conflict with yourself it can be a little disorienting

Nov 21, 2019 10:10:37 AM Me

I’m at 24 days straight with over 1.5k minutes of total meditation (71 total days with missed days, etc.)

Nov 21, 2019 10:28:36 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

That is awesome 👏. Keep the streak going

Nov 21, 2019 10:49:00 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m working on it 👍

Nov 21, 2019 10:49:12 AM Me

How are the projects coming along?

Nov 21, 2019 11:05:45 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

whoa, just got slammed by reflecting back to when the boys were little—makes me sad that I never get that back. Listening to a song and it triggered it. tearing up

Nov 21, 2019 11:11:34 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Enjoy the memory without attaching it to “never get it back” feeling.

Nov 21, 2019 11:12:11 AM Me

dont know why my brain attaches that. I get that all the time when I think back in time with boys

Nov 21, 2019 11:14:41 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

It’s normal - we all do it

Nov 21, 2019 11:15:38 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Part of the reason our memories are precious is because we don’t get to get the experience back.

Nov 21, 2019 11:16:21 AM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

So enjoy the memory - it is a way of getting it back

Nov 21, 2019 11:16:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

true

Nov 21, 2019 11:16:59 AM Me

thanks for that reminder

Nov 21, 2019 11:17:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

making me cry

Nov 21, 2019 11:59:39 AM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Tears are ok

Nov 21, 2019 12:39:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no doubt. huge release.

Nov 21, 2019 12:39:58 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ve had numerous times during meditation started crying for what felt like no apparent reason.

Nov 21, 2019 12:42:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was really confused by it, but didn’t stop. I read later in the comments from other meditators that they too were having the same experience. The teacher said its completely normal for unknown crying and grief to surface. They say that its deep, repressed pain and/or memories that are surfacing—sometimes its concious and one can link the event or time, other times there’s nothing there but the tears and its then that it feels confusing. At this stage for me I’m used to it and I actually go looking for it—so I can release

Nov 21, 2019 12:42:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There are a few meditations that I can listen to that will make me cry every time I listen.

Nov 21, 2019 12:43:51 PM Me

They are quite moving. There is one teacher in particular that has about 3, or 4 meditations that are very powerful. I can’t explain it other than you need to listen to them.

Nov 21, 2019 12:44:12 PM Me

and they are all 10 mins or less

Nov 21, 2019 12:44:54 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Send the links

Nov 21, 2019 12:45:27 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Glad to hear you are releasing

Nov 21, 2019 12:50:11 PM Me

Check this out on Insight Timer!

Nov 21, 2019 12:50:12 PM Me

https://insig.ht/AGSJEu6VN1

Nov 21, 2019 12:50:24 PM Me

Shared from inside the app.

Nov 21, 2019 12:50:31 PM Me

This one makes me cry every time

Nov 21, 2019 12:51:35 PM Me

She doesn’t tell you to lie down, start breathing, etc. For me I lie down with headphones, close my eyes, breathe slowly and listen. She has a way with words, very powerful.

Nov 21, 2019 12:52:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I listed to the beginning for 20 seconds and it was hitting me already. When she says “I know you go to the dark places....” it hits me like a wall.

Nov 21, 2019 12:53:20 PM Me

Check this out on Insight Timer!

Nov 21, 2019 12:53:21 PM Me

https://insig.ht/gARfsUjWN1

Nov 21, 2019 12:53:42 PM Me

Check this out on Insight Timer!

Nov 21, 2019 12:53:43 PM Me

https://insig.ht/ZaXoKjmWN1

Nov 21, 2019 12:54:02 PM Me

Check this out on Insight Timer!

Nov 21, 2019 12:54:03 PM Me

https://insig.ht/smxHWInWN1

Nov 21, 2019 12:54:18 PM Me

Check this out on Insight Timer!

Nov 21, 2019 12:54:19 PM Me

https://insig.ht/uKU9YUoWN1

Nov 21, 2019 12:54:29 PM Me

OK, there are some of my favorites

Nov 21, 2019 1:04:41 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I take a listen

Nov 21, 2019 1:35:56 PM Me

Sent with Normal effect

Nov 22, 2019 9:35:57 AM Me

You a river or a swamp?

Nov 22, 2019 9:36:13 AM Me

And did you listen to meditation?

Nov 22, 2019 9:42:48 AM +13038752587

Old river - meandering all over 😀

Nov 22, 2019 9:43:03 AM +13038752587

No meditation yet

Nov 22, 2019 9:43:11 AM Me

Haha, me too.

Nov 22, 2019 9:45:15 AM Me

Sometimes I feel like an oxbow lake

Nov 22, 2019 9:45:29 AM Me

Broken off and stagnant 😁

Nov 22, 2019 9:46:09 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Never saw that before - very cool

Nov 22, 2019 9:58:50 AM +13038752587

Yes this is a great metaphor - we all find ourselves there at times

Nov 22, 2019 10:29:53 AM Me

Feel like I’ve been in one of those for almost 10 years

Nov 22, 2019 10:31:01 AM Me

That being said, I do feel a shift happening as a product of my meditation over the past 25 days. My sense of awareness is obviously heightened, but also sensitivity and frequency is up too

Nov 22, 2019 10:31:37 AM Me

I’m way more aware of the shit my ego is pulling and the mind games that are going on

Nov 22, 2019 10:34:12 AM +13038752587

That is wonder to 👂

Nov 22, 2019 10:34:45 AM +13038752587

I found when I’m meditating daily I’m more centered and connectedness

Nov 22, 2019 10:34:51 AM +13038752587

Wonderful

Nov 22, 2019 10:34:51 AM Me

Also, my parents head your way on Sunday. Wish I could get all of our asses in a plane and come out, would’ve been quite fun

Nov 22, 2019 10:35:18 AM +13038752587

Don’t wish do it - 😀

Nov 22, 2019 10:35:39 AM +13038752587

I’m sure there are some 69 deals

Nov 22, 2019 10:35:42 AM Me

Not enough room on the credit cards for the plane tickets 🙁

Nov 22, 2019 10:35:48 AM +13038752587

Or 99 round trip

Nov 22, 2019 10:36:19 AM +13038752587

That is probably wise then - especially with the holidays upon us

Nov 22, 2019 10:36:36 AM Me

LA to Denver is always an expensive trip. Don’t know why but it is

Nov 22, 2019 10:37:16 AM +13038752587

Heading offline to focus on projects - I’ll check in later

Nov 22, 2019 10:47:22 AM Me

👍

Nov 25, 2019 9:00:17 AM Me

Happy Monday! Hope all is well. My parents are on their way to you.

Nov 25, 2019 10:21:59 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

They will arrive for big storm

Nov 25, 2019 10:40:49 AM Me

Nice, hopefully they get in Before the storm hits hard

Nov 25, 2019 10:41:08 AM Me

I highly recommend the Mr. Rogers movie, you should go see it

Nov 25, 2019 10:41:17 AM Me

Saw it last night in the theater it was quite moving

Nov 25, 2019 10:45:06 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

There is a new one?

Nov 25, 2019 10:45:19 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Watched a few on amazon

Nov 25, 2019 10:46:05 AM Me

In theaters now with Tom Hanks

Nov 26, 2019 8:03:17 AM Me

Hey my parents are I Denver but apparently you have freak snow storm you predicted. You been in touch with them?

Nov 26, 2019 8:03:54 AM Me

Just took phone out of airplane mode and it blew up with messages

Nov 26, 2019 8:23:34 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 26, 2019 8:23:37 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Just dig our car

Nov 26, 2019 8:23:43 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 23 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

On my way

Nov 26, 2019 9:47:49 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Wow!

Nov 26, 2019 9:48:07 AM Me

Darragh and I are in Santa Barbara getting haircuts this morning.

Nov 26, 2019 9:48:21 AM Me

Warm and sunny, but fire close by.

Nov 26, 2019 9:48:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cave Fire, just north of Santa Barbara

Nov 26, 2019 9:53:03 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 26, 2019 9:53:08 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 26, 2019 9:56:44 AM Me

Awesome

Nov 26, 2019 3:22:26 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 26, 2019 3:37:03 PM Me

Thanks for the pix!

Nov 26, 2019 3:37:11 PM Me

Hope all is well

Nov 26, 2019 3:38:38 PM +13038752587

All is well. I am beat from early morning and lots of shoveling

Nov 26, 2019 3:39:55 PM Me

Cool. I have to get some work done still

Nov 26, 2019 4:43:57 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Me too

Nov 27, 2019 9:13:47 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t eat romaine lettuce -cdc announced today -outbreak of ecoli

Nov 27, 2019 10:44:09 AM Me

👍

Nov 27, 2019 10:44:25 AM +13038752587

Found out it is Romain from Salinas California- so it it says that on the package or doesn’t say anything- to avoid it

Nov 27, 2019 10:44:25 AM Me

Big rains here over the next week

Nov 27, 2019 10:44:43 AM Me

How goes it over there?

Nov 27, 2019 10:44:53 AM Me

My parents staying with your mom?

Nov 27, 2019 11:13:54 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) +13038752587

I’m sick 😷

Nov 27, 2019 11:13:59 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

But dealing

Nov 27, 2019 11:14:28 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Trees out of town do their staying there

Nov 27, 2019 11:15:03 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Hey - I need you input - feeling lost with cheese site and need to get it done ASAP

Nov 27, 2019 11:15:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k

Nov 27, 2019 11:15:30 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Are you by your laptop

Nov 27, 2019 11:18:24 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

yes

Nov 27, 2019 11:21:58 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

about to step away to run an errand. brb tho

Nov 27, 2019 11:25:34 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 27, 2019 11:25:40 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Sending email

Nov 27, 2019 11:33:58 AM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Sent to gmail

Nov 27, 2019 12:35:33 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

You back?

Nov 27, 2019 12:40:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

yes. just looked

Nov 27, 2019 12:40:08 PM Me

I would use this layout:

Nov 27, 2019 12:40:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Elegant Themes

Nov 27, 2019 12:40:15 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Elegant Themes

Nov 27, 2019 12:40:18 PM Me

or this one:

Nov 27, 2019 12:40:27 PM Me

both those will work great

Nov 27, 2019 12:40:44 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

of the examples I think these are best matchups

Nov 27, 2019 12:40:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bedford Cheese Shop

Nov 27, 2019 12:41:00 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Campbell & Co. - Brooklyn, NYC - Catering, Cheese, Cafe and Custom Gifting

Nov 27, 2019 12:41:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.formaggiokitchen.com/

Nov 27, 2019 12:41:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And I think both of those layouts will get you there.

Nov 27, 2019 12:47:37 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - thank you

Nov 27, 2019 12:47:45 PM +13038752587

What are you doing tomorrow

Nov 27, 2019 12:47:53 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I have an image website for you

Nov 27, 2019 12:54:00 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Cool email it to me

Nov 27, 2019 12:56:36 PM Me

You will like this. All free and high quality.

Nov 27, 2019 12:56:40 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://unsplash.com/s/photos/cheese

Nov 27, 2019 12:56:52 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

unsplash is a great image resource

Nov 27, 2019 12:56:57 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

if you’re looking for videos

Nov 27, 2019 12:57:08 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Familiar with it and like it

Nov 27, 2019 12:57:17 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://coverr.co/

Nov 27, 2019 12:57:35 PM +13038752587

Have not heard of that

Nov 27, 2019 12:57:47 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Cool. You should be all set then 😊

Nov 27, 2019 12:58:14 PM +13038752587

Two as

Nov 27, 2019 12:58:18 PM +13038752587

Qs

Nov 27, 2019 12:58:47 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

How do I make logo image bigger in Navigation?

Nov 27, 2019 1:00:12 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I guess 1 - when I added logo it would not resize in them customized

Nov 27, 2019 1:04:32 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Not sure.

Nov 27, 2019 1:04:50 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

not sure how its all setup under the hood

Nov 27, 2019 1:05:19 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

No worries I’ll get it close

Nov 27, 2019 1:05:25 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Lunch time bb

Nov 27, 2019 2:53:48 PM Me

https://apple.news/AFkHpFrdbTKukFPEahd4RQQ

Nov 28, 2019 8:44:07 AM Me

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/its-a-beautiful-day

Nov 28, 2019 8:44:07 AM Me

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃🍁🍽 🍺🏈

Nov 28, 2019 9:37:23 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Thanksgiving 🍁🦃🍽 🙂

Nov 28, 2019 9:52:35 AM Me

https://apple.news/AZ2-ZCl_-Rmq8bcU3WgGFLQ

Nov 28, 2019 9:56:17 AM Me

https://apple.news/A1rZUIiDdQ2G-EhyUuuJOlA

Nov 28, 2019 10:43:01 AM +13038752587

Are you sending these Apple news ?

Nov 28, 2019 11:30:49 AM Me

Yes

Nov 28, 2019 11:31:00 AM Me

Thought you’d find them interesting

Nov 28, 2019 11:31:43 AM Me

View walking dog

Nov 28, 2019 12:20:55 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - double checking

Nov 29, 2019 9:11:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

good morning colorado

Nov 29, 2019 10:47:18 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

GM - crazy day 😀 here

Nov 29, 2019 10:47:23 AM +13038752587

How are you

Nov 29, 2019 10:47:24 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

everything ok?

Nov 29, 2019 10:48:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

i’m good. having a hard time figuring out what to do today. we have a dance lesson at 2pm (Liz and I have been taking Dance lessons for months now)

Nov 29, 2019 10:48:54 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

currently doing last of dishes from last night

Nov 29, 2019 11:02:47 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Yeah - behind on project, road closed due to rock slide so had to change reservations for this weekend which worked out but took time

Nov 29, 2019 11:03:05 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Need to buy some things during Black Friday

Nov 29, 2019 11:03:25 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Lots to do - little time

Nov 29, 2019 11:03:42 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Fell better now that I ate 😀

Nov 29, 2019 11:19:17 AM Me

That’s good, glad to hear it’s garden-variety stuff, and not some kind of family emergency

Nov 29, 2019 11:19:46 AM Me

I am super indecisive this morning. No schedule means choices, and I get cripple buy them when they’re really simple

Nov 29, 2019 11:20:46 AM +13038752587

Love they garden variety metaphor. Think I can take my surplus to a farmers market 😀😀😀😋

Nov 29, 2019 11:22:24 AM +13038752587

Tip for decisions. 1. It’s either a hell yes or it’s a hell no 2 follow your joy 3 do only things that move you in a direction you wan to go

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 29, 2019 11:30:45 AM Me

Thanks for that reminder

Dec 01, 2019 12:11:22 PM Me

Hey there

Dec 01, 2019 1:58:05 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Dec 01, 2019 1:58:34 PM Me

Hi

Dec 01, 2019 1:59:03 PM +13038752587

On our way to Aspen/Snowmass

Dec 01, 2019 1:59:19 PM Me

Nice. Lucky you

Dec 01, 2019 1:59:27 PM +13038752587

Yes

Dec 01, 2019 1:59:50 PM Me

Dec 01, 2019 1:59:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Still feeling this cold - hoping one more day knocks it out

Dec 01, 2019 2:00:04 PM Me

Hi up on a trail....

Dec 01, 2019 2:00:09 PM +13038752587

Nice

Dec 01, 2019 2:00:21 PM +13038752587

Dec 01, 2019 2:00:24 PM Me

Trying to get my head straight

Dec 01, 2019 2:00:52 PM +13038752587

In parking lot while Sarah shops outlet store to find snow pants for Willow- she our grew the ones we had

Dec 01, 2019 2:01:15 PM Me

Wow! You blink and they need new pants

Dec 01, 2019 2:01:37 PM Me

Declan is now very much taller than me

Dec 01, 2019 2:01:51 PM Me

6 foot and more to go

Dec 01, 2019 2:02:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wow

Dec 01, 2019 2:04:16 PM Me

Enjoy the snow! Should be lots of fun with the little people. Enjoy them while they’re little and look up to you. Those are good years

Dec 01, 2019 2:04:54 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Noted- thanks

Dec 01, 2019 2:05:10 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 01, 2019 2:05:25 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Lilly first time climbing up into Dishwashers

Dec 01, 2019 2:17:18 PM Me

Haha! That is awesome. Did she do it while you were not looking?

Dec 01, 2019 2:17:39 PM Me

Did she open door?

Dec 01, 2019 2:39:16 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 34 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

No - I watched 😀

Dec 01, 2019 2:39:49 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 33 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

She has been at it for a few weeks

Dec 01, 2019 2:40:09 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 33 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Finally was able to pull herself up

Dec 02, 2019 9:13:56 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Good morning out there in Colorado!

Dec 02, 2019 9:26:52 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning 😃

Dec 02, 2019 9:27:27 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 02, 2019 9:27:44 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Getting breakfast - then some work -then some ⛷

Dec 02, 2019 9:34:03 AM Me

Nice!

Dec 02, 2019 9:34:52 AM Me

I’m dealing with a 19-year-old crippled with anxiety and panic can’t go into work because of it. Trying to talk him through it but it ain’t happening

Dec 02, 2019 4:05:29 PM +13038752587

Jamie wheal area

Dec 02, 2019 4:05:56 PM +13038752587

Remember the “flow” author

Dec 02, 2019 4:06:43 PM +13038752587

Btw I’m at Klaus Obermeyers 💯 bday party in Aspen

Dec 02, 2019 4:06:50 PM +13038752587

Very nice man

Dec 02, 2019 4:07:45 PM +13038752587

Dec 03, 2019 10:22:39 AM Me

Great pics you sent my way! Who’s the man in the photo with you guys?

Dec 03, 2019 10:25:29 AM (Read by you after 47 seconds) +13038752587

Klaus Obermeyer - 💯 bday

Dec 03, 2019 10:25:48 AM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Aspen icon and ski clothing line

Dec 03, 2019 10:26:46 AM Me

That’s cool

Dec 03, 2019 10:33:53 AM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

Can only imagine what he’s seen in his life.

Dec 03, 2019 10:46:17 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 03, 2019 10:46:46 AM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

nice

Dec 03, 2019 10:46:51 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

day on the slopes?

Dec 03, 2019 10:47:22 AM +13038752587

Yes

Dec 03, 2019 10:47:29 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) +13038752587

1st of the season

Dec 03, 2019 10:48:50 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Nice—I bet its therapeutic

Dec 03, 2019 10:49:09 AM Me

I need something therapeutic

Dec 03, 2019 10:51:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just had a thought... I’ve been feeling not myself, out of sorts, for some time now. Always working and fighting to get back to ‘normal.’ But what if this IS normal? I need acceptance and stop fighting for something that is likely just an illusion I have in my mind. Chasing the “someday” that will never come.

Dec 03, 2019 10:52:12 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Good insight!

Dec 03, 2019 10:52:21 AM +13038752587

Be present

Dec 03, 2019 10:52:37 AM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

yeah this meditation thing I’ve been doing for nearly 40 days straight may have some merit to it

Dec 03, 2019 10:53:13 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 keep it up

Dec 03, 2019 7:08:43 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 03, 2019 7:12:22 PM Me

First time?

Dec 03, 2019 7:17:35 PM +13038752587

Dec 03, 2019 7:19:31 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 03, 2019 8:48:20 PM Me

So cool. You get to practice going backwards

Dec 03, 2019 8:48:33 PM Me

She’s getting the hang of it

Dec 04, 2019 9:56:14 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - on the road - meme parties tonight / have a great day

Dec 04, 2019 9:57:25 AM Me

That’s right! Party time for Aunt Pat!!

Dec 04, 2019 9:57:43 AM Me

Today is Lizs 49th Birthday

Dec 04, 2019 9:57:56 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 7 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Wow -

Dec 04, 2019 9:58:06 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 6 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Happy birthday 🎉🎈🎂 Liz

Dec 04, 2019 9:09:44 PM Me

to Aunt Pat! 🎂🎉

Dec 04, 2019 9:09:57 PM Me

Happy Birthday

Dec 04, 2019 9:10:14 PM Me

Yoda style

Dec 09, 2019 7:58:32 PM Me

This is too perfect and exactly how I feel. A must own item! 😁￼

Dec 11, 2019 11:25:51 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Hey there, how goes Colorado living? How are you and the family doing?

Dec 11, 2019 3:05:24 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 33 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Good and good

Dec 11, 2019 3:05:28 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 33 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

How about you

Dec 11, 2019 3:05:39 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 33 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Did you buy the toy above

Dec 11, 2019 3:05:52 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 33 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

How’s Cali and family

Dec 11, 2019 8:40:44 PM Me

Hey there. Didn’t By the toy because it’s not real. There’s a guy who creates fake products and then we’ll go hang them in the store, and this is one of them.

Dec 11, 2019 8:41:32 PM Me

Everybody is doing well, we are almost to Christmas break. Just pushing through a lot of work, and trying to get to the holiday to take a rest.

Dec 11, 2019 8:42:01 PM Me

California is cold right now. We had some rain last week but not nearly enough. We need 40 days and 40 nights here to really get out of the drought

Dec 16, 2019 9:06:16 AM +13038752587

Bob hour

Dec 16, 2019 9:06:26 AM +13038752587

Haha 😂

Dec 16, 2019 9:06:33 AM +13038752587

Bob Jour

Dec 16, 2019 9:06:48 AM +13038752587

Sent you and email on sleep

Dec 16, 2019 9:07:04 AM +13038752587

Bon Jour

Dec 16, 2019 9:07:25 AM +13038752587

Too funny “bob”

Dec 16, 2019 9:10:48 AM Me

Sent with Normal effect

Dec 16, 2019 9:32:03 AM Me

Bon jour to you over there

Dec 16, 2019 9:32:20 AM Me

How was your weekend?

Dec 16, 2019 11:40:24 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Good- yours

Dec 16, 2019 11:40:32 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

?

Dec 16, 2019 2:20:51 PM Me

Ok. Heading to the doctors today and getting physical test results back. Needless to say but I’m anxious about all this.

Dec 16, 2019 2:21:12 PM Me

I feel lots of dread and stress

Dec 16, 2019 2:44:26 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Understandable

Dec 16, 2019 3:05:10 PM +13038752587

I’m sure all. Will be well

Dec 16, 2019 3:06:38 PM Me

Me too. Anxiety is high. I have a thing in my throat that’s been bugging for 2 years. 2 cat scans and they say all is well, but I still feel it. THAT is making me nervous. Waiting for the “you have cancer” talk

Dec 16, 2019 3:07:16 PM Me

“ OG now it’s showing up in your blood work…” well why couldn’t you figure out it was cancer two years ago when I came in about it?

Dec 16, 2019 3:08:00 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - be careful of that spiral thought

Dec 16, 2019 3:08:40 PM Me

I know, my mind likes to take things to the end

Dec 16, 2019 3:08:55 PM +13038752587

Let me know

Dec 16, 2019 3:09:00 PM +13038752587

What they say

Dec 16, 2019 3:09:04 PM +13038752587

Driving now

Dec 16, 2019 3:09:06 PM Me

I will

Dec 17, 2019 12:58:39 PM Me

Sent with Normal effect

Hey there, all clear on bloodwork

Dec 17, 2019 12:59:32 PM Me

Could you text me all your addresses? You, your mom, and Tree?

Dec 17, 2019 1:27:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Dec 17, 2019 1:27:54 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

You not dying

Dec 17, 2019 1:28:43 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

The Ritchie’s 327 Francis St Longmont CO 80501

Dec 17, 2019 1:30:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

The Schmidt’s 4015 DaVinci Dr Longmont CO 80503

Dec 17, 2019 1:31:08 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 29 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Meme Iacovelli 3790 Oakwood Dr Longmont CO 80503

Dec 17, 2019 3:01:38 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Actually, when you think about it we’re all dying, all the time at a very slow rate—some faster than others. The telomeres on your cells get shorter as years go by until cell death. Enough of that and eventually you go the way of the Dodo.

Dec 17, 2019 3:01:54 PM Me

Thanks for the addresses!

Dec 17, 2019 3:02:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Motivation! For sure 😀

Dec 17, 2019 3:02:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha, yes its that or resignation

Dec 20, 2019 10:37:04 AM Me

Hey there, how goes things?

Dec 20, 2019 10:37:16 AM Me

Ready for the holidays?

Dec 20, 2019 10:46:01 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Dec 20, 2019 10:46:08 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

No - sick kids

Dec 20, 2019 10:46:22 AM Me

Oh man

Dec 20, 2019 10:46:55 AM Me

🤒🤧😷

Dec 20, 2019 10:47:14 AM Me

Been there with my kiddos and during holidays

Dec 20, 2019 10:47:34 AM Me

Be sure to take care of yourself so that you don’t catch it too

Dec 20, 2019 10:48:41 AM Me

Still waiting for the spirit of the season to hit. Today is last day of school for boys. Liz is already on break

Dec 20, 2019 10:49:00 AM Me

Me, still working

Dec 20, 2019 10:49:03 AM Me

🥴

Dec 20, 2019 2:03:40 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Sent with Normal effect

Dec 20, 2019 2:15:04 PM Me

Sent with Normal effect

Dec 25, 2019 1:06:20 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 29 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Wishing you a magical day filled with peace, love and joy! Merry Christmas 🎄

Dec 25, 2019 6:42:34 PM Me

Sent with Shooting Star

A merry day to you over there too! It’s been a splendid relaxing day with great gifts, some HORSE against d and d (I won!) and now about to have homemade carnitas with beans, rice and some steamed tamales! Homemade pumpkin pie 🥧 with gluten free gingerbread crust. Mmm 😋
Sent with Shooting Star

Dec 25, 2019 7:07:30 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 26 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Dec 26, 2019 8:56:21 AM Me

Hope you’re having a great holiday with the family! Happy Boxing Day!

Dec 26, 2019 11:35:31 AM +13038752587

Clean up pick up put away day😀

Dec 26, 2019 11:35:43 AM +13038752587

Hike on agenda

Dec 26, 2019 11:37:35 AM Me

Nice. Workout, maybe hike and watching lots of soccer

Dec 26, 2019 11:38:45 AM Me

For me here. Boys are headed to mall with friends and I have day off. Liz is doing workout

Dec 29, 2019 12:02:15 PM Me

Hey there! Happy Sunday!!

Dec 29, 2019 12:38:36 PM Me

How has the holiday been going?

Dec 29, 2019 12:39:13 PM Me

We’ve been going a week solid. 5 events in 7 days. Feeling wiped out today

Dec 29, 2019 12:40:29 PM Me

Have a little work to do today and maybe get a hike in. You guys?

Dec 29, 2019 1:41:40 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Same here events wise

Dec 29, 2019 1:46:40 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 29, 2019 1:46:40 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Read the sign

Dec 29, 2019 1:55:09 PM Me

Wow! You out there now?

Dec 29, 2019 1:55:17 PM Me

Your beard is amazing

Dec 29, 2019 1:55:44 PM Me

Who’s there with you?

Dec 29, 2019 1:59:57 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Just left

Dec 29, 2019 2:00:05 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Don, Joe

Dec 29, 2019 2:00:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 29, 2019 2:03:45 PM Me

That looks much more sensible to me 😁

Dec 29, 2019 2:04:43 PM Me

Getting my exercise in now too. Maybe a hike later.

Dec 29, 2019 2:06:45 PM Me

Is that a saison or Hefeweizen? Looks cloudy so think it is

Dec 29, 2019 2:07:26 PM +13038752587

Unfiltered oat ipa

Dec 29, 2019 2:08:01 PM Me

Ah, ipa always taste like Xmas trees to me

Dec 29, 2019 2:20:44 PM Me

Damn, can’t look at news. Keep seeing really sad stories

Dec 29, 2019 2:23:43 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Stop it 🛑

Dec 29, 2019 2:23:49 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Dec 29, 2019 2:24:09 PM Me

I know

Dec 29, 2019 2:24:12 PM +13038752587

Seriously unplug from news entertainment

Dec 29, 2019 2:25:59 PM Me

It was my News app on the phone, showing me sad stories about people who died after Christmas

Dec 29, 2019 2:26:42 PM Me

I tend to get emotionally triggered around New Year’s. For some reason it’s a holiday that stresses me out

Dec 30, 2019 10:57:58 AM Me

Hey there! What’s shaking in Colorado today?

Dec 30, 2019 10:58:44 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Getting some work done Planning what’s next How about you

Dec 30, 2019 10:59:17 AM Me

Getting work ramped up right now. Have a list of tasks waiting for me.

Dec 30, 2019 10:59:48 AM Me

But first back exercises, a quick walk to open up the hips, make some coffee.

Dec 30, 2019 11:00:06 AM Me

“Planning what’s next”.... That sounds big.

Dec 30, 2019 11:00:21 AM Me

what you planning?

Dec 30, 2019 11:01:22 AM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Retirement

Dec 30, 2019 11:01:36 AM Me

Nice.

Dec 30, 2019 11:01:46 AM Me

Do share. I’m curious. 😊

Dec 30, 2019 11:05:48 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s say we live another healthy 50 years Multiply that by net income of 120000 so gross 200000 This equals goal of 10000000 lump sum or 200000 residual per year There’s the goal 🥅 Working on here to there plan ... I’ll let you know

Dec 30, 2019 12:02:38 PM Me

Love that you’re thinking long game. My mind has been so ‘stuck’ on get-through-today thinking for a while and I’ve not been growing or getting better at much—like a plateau for many years. Realizing my body is shifting (getting older) and having to “adjust” to things too. Lots to tackle this next year.

Dec 30, 2019 12:09:05 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Keep it simple - what few goals when achieved make the biggest impact

Dec 30, 2019 1:30:12 PM Me

Yeah, need to think about it. I think it may be health and money related.

Dec 30, 2019 1:31:13 PM Me

I know I just went over 60 consecutive days of meditation averaging about 25 mins a day. Starting to notice slight shifts in thinking and behaviors. Takes time, but starting to feel it.

Dec 30, 2019 1:48:10 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

That is great🤩

Dec 30, 2019 1:48:15 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Keep it going

Dec 30, 2019 1:48:45 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - health is the foundation for everything else

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Dec 30, 2019 2:40:38 PM Me

Just done with 35 mins of meditation on confidence

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Dec 31, 2019 11:17:08 AM Me

Hey there. Last day of the year! Doing anything to mark the occasion? I know when you have a little kids things like New Year’s Eve parties are the last thing on your mind 😁🥳

Dec 31, 2019 11:19:06 AM Me

Exercise and meditation going on here now. Then a little writing (blog post for work) and then maybe a good nap 😴 We’re having a friend and their teens over tonight for games and ring in new year

Dec 31, 2019 4:35:44 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Met friends in Estes Park / know home for a quiet family night

Dec 31, 2019 4:36:04 PM Me

👍

Jan 01, 2020 10:41:58 AM Me

Happy New Year! 🎊🎈🎆

Jan 01, 2020 10:49:43 AM +13038752587

Happy New Year 🎈🎆🎊

Jan 02, 2020 10:41:18 AM Me

Hey there!

Jan 02, 2020 10:42:53 AM Me

Hope you’re having a good start to the year.

Jan 02, 2020 10:45:50 AM Me

Question for you. I have to send your mom money for the gift my dad received. Do you know if you or your mom have Zelle or Venmo? We have both and I can transfer it over quick. Otherwise it’s a handwritten check in snail mail.

Jan 02, 2020 10:45:58 AM Me

Let me know when you can

Jan 02, 2020 11:14:34 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

Jan 02, 2020 11:15:05 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Sick -Sarah and I have Willows stomach bug

Jan 02, 2020 11:16:05 AM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

I think Sarah has Venmo - I’ll check and let you know

Jan 02, 2020 11:16:27 AM +13038752587

Other options are FB and Apple Pay

Jan 02, 2020 11:16:42 AM +13038752587

It’ll be a few hours

Jan 02, 2020 11:17:44 AM Me

Oh no! Sorry to hear your got the bug. Russ and Jenn just got through the big from Keegan

Jan 02, 2020 11:17:56 AM Me

Big = bug

Jan 02, 2020 11:19:06 AM Me

If you could let me know today that would be great. If I can’t transfer I’ll get a check out to her tomorrow

Jan 02, 2020 11:19:52 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Jan 02, 2020 11:20:41 AM Me

Working? or you offline while 🤢?

Jan 02, 2020 11:21:35 AM +13038752587

Offline for now - achey and nausea

Jan 02, 2020 11:22:16 AM +13038752587

Meme is picking up Willow to go skating. Willow is back to healthy

Jan 02, 2020 11:23:29 AM Me

Get well soon. I feel for you, been there so many times with boys over the years. Silver lining is that you’re building your immune system big time 😁

Jan 04, 2020 2:25:19 PM Me

Happy Saturday! Hope you and Sarah are feeling better today. How is it going?

Jan 04, 2020 2:46:54 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Over what ever we had on Thursday Friday maybe was food poising

Jan 04, 2020 2:48:34 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Now just drained- Sarah is may br getting a head cold

Jan 04, 2020 2:48:44 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

How you doing v

Jan 04, 2020 3:05:29 PM Me

Everyone here is good. I have a recurring pain in my right salivary gland under my chin. Have had it for a few years. Comes and goes. Have had mri, soft tissue ct scans, been to 2 ENT docs and no solution. One doc suggested removal if it’s persistent and annoying, which it is. Contemplating having it done this year

Jan 04, 2020 3:27:15 PM Me

Oh and do you know if your mom has Zelle or Venmo? Need to get money to her and want to see if we can do that instead of mailing a check

Jan 04, 2020 7:24:15 PM (Read by you after 58 seconds) +13038752587

Really - surgery- does it bother you that much?

Jan 04, 2020 7:24:35 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

I follow up tomorrow about transfer of funds

Jan 04, 2020 7:25:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its been bugging me for 2 years

Jan 04, 2020 7:25:36 PM Me

cool on the funds

Jan 07, 2020 10:14:05 AM Me

Hi, happy Tuesday. any word on money transfer?

Jan 07, 2020 10:50:50 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Can you do PayPal me or FB

Jan 07, 2020 11:25:31 AM (Read by them after 19 minutes, 41 seconds) Me

We can PayPal you. Do you have Venmo?

Jan 07, 2020 7:10:48 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Distracted today - we decided to put the cat down. That took over the afternoon and evening

Jan 07, 2020 7:45:17 PM Me

Sorry to hear about 🐱

Jan 07, 2020 8:17:53 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 5 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Thank you She was almost 20. Had kidney failure Two years of giving her fluids energy few days. IV

Jan 07, 2020 8:18:16 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 5 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Every not energy

Jan 08, 2020 9:24:49 AM Me

Again sorry for the loss. A 20-year-old cat just made me think of our old cat in New York named Jesse. Not sure if you remember her, but we had her for 20 years

Jan 08, 2020 9:25:01 AM Me

Always hard to lose a long time Pet no matter what

Jan 08, 2020 9:25:18 AM Me

Let me know when you can about PayPal or Venmo or Zell and we can do it

Jan 08, 2020 10:23:37 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Venmo set up

Jan 08, 2020 10:24:02 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

User Darrell-Ritchie

Jan 08, 2020 10:30:16 AM Me

Awesome!

Jan 08, 2020 10:30:23 AM Me

Liz really likes it

Jan 08, 2020 1:38:02 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 49 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Let me know when your send funds

Jan 08, 2020 5:30:42 PM Me

Sent with Normal effect

Liz is sending it right now

Jan 08, 2020 5:31:40 PM Me

If you could confirm that would be great!

Jan 08, 2020 5:32:01 PM +13038752587

😀

Jan 08, 2020 5:33:51 PM +13038752587

Received

Jan 08, 2020 5:34:54 PM +13038752587

Dinner time

Feb 04, 2020 9:13:15 AM +13038752587

Hello stranger 😀

Feb 04, 2020 9:13:28 AM +13038752587

How is everything on CA

Feb 05, 2020 9:57:24 AM +13038752587

Are you doing the DDs and how’s meditation

Feb 06, 2020 10:33:59 AM Me

Hi there. Things are good. Been really busy past few weeks. Haven’t been doing the DDs 😣 meditation and yoga are going really well. How are you doing? How is family?

Feb 07, 2020 9:17:22 AM +13038752587

Glad to hear all is well

Feb 07, 2020 9:17:45 AM +13038752587

Yoga and meditation 🧘‍♀️- great combo

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Feb 07, 2020 9:18:34 AM +13038752587

I’m in a familiar place of what the fuck do I want to do to make money 💰

Feb 07, 2020 9:19:06 AM +13038752587

Finishing a website and store / then helping grow the online store

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Feb 07, 2020 9:19:37 AM +13038752587

I have a torn rotator cuff - meeting with surgeon today

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Questioned by Me

Feb 07, 2020 9:20:15 AM +13038752587

Family is well - girls growing fast. Sarah is back working part time from home

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Feb 08, 2020 5:18:02 PM Me

All is good over here

Feb 08, 2020 6:25:03 PM +13038752587

Shoulder - heavy snow fall in November. Probably initial injury from shoveling too much heavy snow - then skiing irritated- so after a couple of months a wake you up int middle of the night pain, night after night - I went to the Drs and here we are

Feb 08, 2020 6:26:12 PM +13038752587

Waiting to schedule surgery - recovery is 6-12 weeks with full recovery in a year

Feb 08, 2020 6:43:04 PM Me

Wow. Sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is when a part of your body hurts or isn’t working well. So I can relate. At least you have a path forward, stick to your exercises and get well soon 😷

Feb 08, 2020 6:43:54 PM Me

Event Tickets Center

Feb 08, 2020 6:43:54 PM Me

Any interest in going?

Feb 08, 2020 6:44:36 PM Me

Liz mentioned it the other day and would be a great excuse to come visit

Feb 08, 2020 7:05:44 PM +13038752587

We would go if you guys came

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Feb 12, 2020 10:42:54 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Hey There, Did you see this one?

Feb 12, 2020 10:42:57 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/how-to-find-more-time-in-your-day

Feb 12, 2020 11:52:28 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 43 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Yes- prune the roses 🌹

Feb 13, 2020 10:00:13 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to today’s

Feb 13, 2020 10:00:16 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes) +13038752587

DarrenDaily: This one idea will transform the way you think. slkt.io/533e/38109486 -Darren Reply STOP to unsub

Feb 13, 2020 10:00:25 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Great message

Feb 13, 2020 10:07:32 AM Me

OkThanks for the heads up. How are you doing out there?

Feb 13, 2020 10:07:58 AM +13038752587

Good overall

Feb 13, 2020 10:08:57 AM +13038752587

Have a list of - get done in next three weeks - surgery March 4

Feb 13, 2020 10:13:04 AM Me

Oh wow. You have a date, that’s good

Feb 13, 2020 10:21:17 AM Me

Really good DD

Feb 13, 2020 10:21:31 AM Me

Wish I had heard that 10years ago

Feb 13, 2020 10:54:38 AM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

I know - me too - oh wait I did with different language!

Feb 13, 2020 10:55:03 AM +13038752587

I’m sure it resonates differently at different times

Feb 13, 2020 10:55:23 AM Me

yes, and I got a call from Aidan after listening to it and it came up in my head.

Feb 13, 2020 10:55:25 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Until you walk a mile in someone short

Feb 13, 2020 10:55:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

He was not being who I wanted him to be and I was getting upset

Feb 13, 2020 10:55:37 AM +13038752587

👞

Feb 13, 2020 10:55:45 AM +13038752587

Shoes that is

Feb 13, 2020 10:56:01 AM Me

shoes or shorts, both work 😊

Feb 13, 2020 10:56:27 AM +13038752587

Be kind to others, they to are trying to create their best life

Feb 13, 2020 10:57:45 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Great message for today and how it resonates- of course a great one for the man in the mirror

Feb 13, 2020 10:58:00 AM Me

yes agree

Feb 13, 2020 10:58:40 AM Me

struggling to teach a teenager to be proactive and take care of their own stuff

Feb 13, 2020 11:00:26 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Have home listen to DD

Feb 13, 2020 11:00:38 AM Me

good idea

Feb 13, 2020 11:00:43 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

The be a man series good be good too

Feb 24, 2020 11:02:26 AM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

GM

Feb 24, 2020 11:02:36 AM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

How are you and family?

Feb 24, 2020 11:49:26 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey there! Good morning, err... afternoon over there in Colorado!

Feb 24, 2020 11:49:48 AM Me

We are all good. Work and life have been very busy lately.

Feb 24, 2020 11:51:04 AM Me

How are you doing over there?

Feb 24, 2020 11:51:14 AM Me

How are you, the kids and your lovely bride?

Feb 24, 2020 11:52:40 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

We are well

Feb 24, 2020 11:53:14 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Preparing for Papa to only have use of one arm for 6-8 weeks

Feb 24, 2020 11:53:26 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Surgery is next Wednesday

Feb 24, 2020 11:53:50 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

I sent an email - need an experts help

Feb 24, 2020 11:54:21 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Have you been to Carmel?

Feb 25, 2020 11:18:43 AM Me

Hey there, have not been too Carmel. Have driven through/by it, but not stayed there.

Feb 25, 2020 11:18:51 AM Me

Just replied to your email.

Feb 25, 2020 11:18:54 AM Me

about the website.

Feb 25, 2020 11:32:26 AM (Read by you after 59 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Mar 04, 2020 6:35:23 PM +13038752587

Mar 05, 2020 1:12:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

is that post surgery?

Mar 05, 2020 1:21:56 PM +13038752587

Yes

Mar 05, 2020 1:21:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How are you doing?

Mar 05, 2020 1:22:17 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Good

Mar 05, 2020 1:22:50 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

They did a nerve block - so numb but it’s fading

Mar 05, 2020 1:23:07 PM Me

get those pain meds going 😊

Mar 05, 2020 1:23:29 PM +13038752587

They have me taking pain pills now as to keep in front of pain

Mar 05, 2020 1:24:16 PM Me

yep

Mar 05, 2020 1:24:24 PM Me

normal protocol

Mar 05, 2020 1:25:01 PM +13038752587

Sleepin in a recliner for the next two months

Mar 05, 2020 1:25:50 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Hey I was talking to Sarah about you bring a soccer coach

Mar 05, 2020 1:26:01 PM (Read by you after 58 seconds) +13038752587

Are you still coaching for the school

Mar 05, 2020 1:27:09 PM Me

I do help out as much as I can, as time permits

Mar 05, 2020 1:29:01 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Volunteer or paid

Mar 05, 2020 1:32:11 PM Me

Volunteer

Mar 05, 2020 1:32:17 PM Me

that’s why its “when I have time"

Mar 05, 2020 1:32:36 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Nice

Mar 05, 2020 1:32:55 PM Me

back in a little bit. have a client call

Mar 05, 2020 1:33:14 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be here

Mar 05, 2020 1:33:37 PM Me

👍

Mar 09, 2020 1:15:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How goes the healing out there?

Mar 09, 2020 1:21:46 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Not bad - sleeping at night is a challenge as the pain increases and I can’t lay down. The recliner helps

Mar 09, 2020 1:21:58 PM Me

cool

Mar 09, 2020 1:21:59 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 09, 2020 1:22:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

A little bruising already

Mar 09, 2020 1:23:01 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

First PT appt tomorrow

Mar 09, 2020 1:59:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh wowo

Mar 09, 2020 1:59:30 PM Me

can see muscle atrophy

Mar 09, 2020 2:01:42 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

I haven’t really used this shoulder for about 3 months

Mar 09, 2020 2:02:11 PM Me

I can see that

Mar 09, 2020 2:02:36 PM Me

Raising your hand over your head is the goal

Mar 09, 2020 2:03:26 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - phase 1 PT is flexibility

Mar 09, 2020 2:03:41 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Phase 2 strength building

Mar 13, 2020 10:13:59 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 29 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

How you doing in Cali with the current event? Schools here just closed a week before spring break. No official word when they will reopen. May go virtual. CU is a virtual campus now. Are you all well? Everybody flu free? Oh and we only have 12 rolls of TP 😀. Stores are sold out. Overall being grateful for the all we do have. I hope others pause and reflect on what matters... Health, Family, Friends, Community and of course toilet paper 🧻 😄

Mar 13, 2020 1:43:18 PM Me

haha

Mar 13, 2020 1:43:33 PM Me

I know where all the TP is

Mar 13, 2020 1:43:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mar 13, 2020 3:10:54 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 37 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Ahh good 😁

Mar 15, 2020 8:19:43 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey there, realized I didn’t reply to the other parts of your text. I imagine you’re paying attention to covid-19 and what that brings. Make sure your mom stays safe.

Mar 15, 2020 8:19:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here our boys have school off next week

Mar 15, 2020 8:20:21 PM Me

school district is going to wait and see, expect them to shut id town for prob 2-3 more weeks

Mar 15, 2020 8:20:33 PM Me

thacher is on spring break

Mar 15, 2020 8:20:47 PM +13038752587

Schools off through end of March minimally

Mar 15, 2020 8:20:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

kids delayed in coming back, now April 10th.

Mar 15, 2020 8:21:06 PM Me

school is “wait and see” mode

Mar 15, 2020 8:21:10 PM +13038752587

Mom just got from NY - chilly at home for a week

Mar 15, 2020 8:22:12 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 59 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

At Barry’s - catch up tomorrow

Mar 15, 2020 8:22:46 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 58 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Oh we went to a mountain town for a hike - early spring day

Mar 15, 2020 8:23:13 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 58 minutes) +13038752587

You would have no idea we are under “don’t go out”

Mar 15, 2020 8:24:12 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 57 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

We did a picnic and hike thinking no close contact - went through a few towns - bars and restaurants full

Mar 15, 2020 8:24:47 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 56 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

And all Ski areas were shot down by government

Mar 15, 2020 8:27:46 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Strange days indeed - a flu 😷 is halting the world - I understand all sides.

Mar 15, 2020 8:28:26 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 52 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Be safe - find the message of gratitude we are being offered

Mar 16, 2020 8:14:15 PM Me

Mar 16, 2020 8:14:32 PM Me

Click the image to read the top

Mar 16, 2020 8:16:34 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 5 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

😁

Mar 16, 2020 8:17:59 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 3 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

How are you doing? Lols like we are headed to virtual schools for the rest of the year. Denver just said no dine in eating only Togo

Mar 17, 2020 2:31:01 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 25 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Happy St Patrick’s Day 💚🍀

Mar 17, 2020 5:56:39 PM Me

So cute!

Mar 17, 2020 5:56:59 PM Me

Happy St Paddy’s to you too!

Mar 17, 2020 7:53:08 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

A couple car bombs 💣- and a couple of Guinness - and corn beef 🥩 and cabbage 🥬 with Tree and Don = a goods nights sleep 😴

Mar 17, 2020 9:04:17 PM Me

Cool

Mar 17, 2020 9:04:31 PM Me

We’re just chilling at home

Mar 17, 2020 11:08:57 PM Me

Mar 17, 2020 11:09:13 PM Me

Mar 18, 2020 9:01:32 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 12 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

😁

Mar 18, 2020 12:14:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hope you’re doing well out there

Mar 18, 2020 12:14:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mar 18, 2020 12:14:49 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Only the best

Mar 18, 2020 12:15:11 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Kids off to a park - 65 today/ tomorrow snow

Mar 18, 2020 12:24:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

haha, exactly. sunny here after about 8-9 days of clouds and rain. Sun for a few days here and then more rain over weekend.

Mar 18, 2020 8:06:33 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Travel + Leisure

Mar 18, 2020 9:07:15 PM +13038752587

Very cool - thanks for sharing

Mar 19, 2020 11:24:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sure thing. Also the Met Opera is streaming shows every night as well.

Mar 19, 2020 11:24:44 AM Me

How you guys doing out there?

Mar 19, 2020 11:24:47 AM Me

How are the kids?

Mar 19, 2020 11:25:09 AM Me

Imagine you’re taking turns taking a “kid break” from time to time.

Mar 19, 2020 11:27:30 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 11 seconds) +13038752587

We are well Heading to doc appt get stitches out Most of kid care has been Sarah as I’m one armed and Lilly still nursing 🤱 Going to come up with schedule for next week so she can have some down time

Mar 19, 2020 11:29:06 AM Me

Cool. Good luck getting stiches out! Have you been able to move your arm at all?

Mar 19, 2020 11:29:23 AM Me

And yes Sarah will need a break for sure 😊

Mar 19, 2020 11:31:48 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Move it yes - minimally - no weight baring or strengthening for 4 more weeks

Mar 19, 2020 11:32:45 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes) +13038752587

Mar 19, 2020 11:55:09 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Arm will be ready when the zombie apocalypse

Mar 19, 2020 11:55:13 AM Me

is over

Mar 22, 2020 12:25:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/21/opinion/scott-kelly-coronavirus-isolation.html

Mar 22, 2020 2:24:55 PM Me

Mar 24, 2020 8:29:47 PM Me

Hope you’re doing ok

Mar 24, 2020 8:29:51 PM Me

Mar 24, 2020 8:30:19 PM Me

Mar 24, 2020 8:38:33 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

We are . Shoulder healing pains come in waves mostly at night

Mar 24, 2020 8:38:43 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

How are you all?

Mar 24, 2020 8:39:10 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Have you left campus before lockdown?

Mar 24, 2020 9:57:31 PM Me

No. We’re happily tucked away on campus. No one here has it, but we have cases in Ojai and Ventura.

Mar 24, 2020 9:59:20 PM Me

My colleague in Pasadena found that his wife has it as of yesterday. They have 4 kids roughly same age as mine. He has asthma so it’s worrisome. Kids have mild symptoms and his wife is isolating from the family

Mar 24, 2020 9:59:59 PM Me

They we told to quarantine for 21 days

Mar 25, 2020 3:07:53 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 9 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Boulder county went to stay at home tomorrow 8am

Mar 25, 2020 3:08:04 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 8 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

It’s a gorgeous day

Mar 25, 2020 3:09:24 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 7 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

How’s everyone? Work? What are the kids doing to keep busy?

Mar 25, 2020 7:17:58 PM Me

Super beautiful here today. We’re stay at home 2 weeks this Friday other than markets.

Mar 25, 2020 7:18:09 PM Me

Just staying on campus

Mar 25, 2020 7:19:03 PM Me

Mar 25, 2020 7:19:10 PM Me

Been hiking a ton

Mar 25, 2020 7:19:46 PM Me

We’ve had lots of rain and it’s been nice

Mar 25, 2020 8:03:56 PM Me

you might like this:

Mar 25, 2020 8:03:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

NPR.org

Mar 25, 2020 8:04:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mar 25, 2020 9:02:00 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

We love them

Mar 25, 2020 9:11:35 PM Me

Yeah, me too

Mar 26, 2020 2:29:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Mar 26, 2020 2:30:09 PM Me

Sports Annoucers with nothing to do have started doing play by play of regular events.

Mar 28, 2020 12:24:26 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 28, 2020 12:24:31 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 28, 2020 12:45:01 PM Me

So cool that you’re getting outside with the kids! Not many other people out there by the looks of it. Reminds me of the spa golf course for some reason

Mar 28, 2020 12:45:20 PM Me

Is it a golf course?

Mar 28, 2020 12:54:27 PM +13038752587

Yes a golf course - the are closed to golfers

Mar 28, 2020 1:16:47 PM Me

weird, golfs one of those things where you can keep the 6f distance. I would think they keep that open

Mar 28, 2020 1:17:06 PM Me

Good for you guys and the kiddos

Mar 28, 2020 1:18:21 PM Me

We’ve basically had a two-week Xbox fortnight tournament going on in this house. They’ve seen daylight a few times, but mostly they’ve been hiding in their video game cave 😷

Mar 28, 2020 1:19:33 PM Me

Is your Mom, Tree and Don doing OK?

Mar 28, 2020 1:20:04 PM Me

My parents, Russ and Jen and the kids are all doing OK in New York. Just talk to my parents for about an hour this morning

Mar 28, 2020 1:29:19 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Mom Tree and Don are well. Mom has been in self quarantine since returning from Long Island two weeks ago. Now we are a stay at home state- we are running food for her. Want to keep her at home - we did a virtual dinner last night.

Mar 28, 2020 1:31:23 PM Me

Cool.

Mar 28, 2020 1:31:29 PM Me

Good to hear

Mar 30, 2020 5:13:19 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Hey there! How goes the arm? How’s everyone?

Mar 30, 2020 5:43:25 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Healing well - keeps me awake at night along with the kids

Mar 30, 2020 5:45:07 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

We are doing well - moments of wtf come every now and then. Ultimately keeping an eye out for the good in everything and know this too shall pass

Mar 30, 2020 5:45:30 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

How are you? And crew?

Mar 30, 2020 5:45:44 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like your mom is painting

Mar 30, 2020 5:45:57 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

How’s Lizs mom?

Mar 31, 2020 8:18:14 PM Me

We are all doing well. Universe has been sick. I know two people, colleagues of mine, whose wives both have it.

Mar 31, 2020 8:19:04 PM Me

Liz’s mom is doing fine, she get groceries for her but otherwise everyone is keeping to themselves

Mar 31, 2020 8:21:31 PM Me

Mar 31, 2020 8:21:31 PM Me

Watch, funny

Mar 31, 2020 10:05:41 PM +13038752587

😁

Apr 01, 2020 11:04:40 AM Me

Heard this morning on npr how grim all this might be, and how long.

Apr 01, 2020 11:05:25 AM Me

Makes me wonder if societally can get thru this?

Apr 01, 2020 11:05:42 AM Me

At what time does it all turn to Mad Max?

Apr 01, 2020 11:10:17 AM Me

Hope you are all well and healthy

Apr 01, 2020 11:10:17 AM Me

And we go beyond thunder dome? 😀

Apr 01, 2020 12:13:00 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 48 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

I think we will start going back to “normal” in May. I think the idea is to slow down spread and get the resources in place to handle more medically. This is definitely accelerating the digital/virtual/online/delivery economy. Which I believe we were heading toward anyway. At some point they have to let this virus run its course. Unfortunately it cost lives, however, if they can get hospitals and staff and equipment in place. It will be a minimum. And follow stricter procedures for when someone has the virus and quarantine all they have been in contact (Asia seems to have a good method in place) AND more access to testing for everyone - whether symptomatic or not. Heck - weekly testing. I’m not sure how everything will look when the dust settles. I do have faith in humanity. We are resilient, creative and we require a lot less than we are accustomed to having. Of course it could go all Mad Max 😜 Much love and joy

Apr 01, 2020 4:04:30 PM Me

Apr 01, 2020 4:04:44 PM Me

That’ll be my look when the time comes

Apr 01, 2020 4:05:02 PM Me

😆

Apr 01, 2020 4:06:30 PM +13038752587

You should create a California version of outfit and take a photo like this 😀

Apr 01, 2020 4:07:40 PM Me

Actually could be my new post-apocalyptic avatar

Apr 04, 2020 12:22:29 PM Me

Apr 04, 2020 12:22:52 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Haha 😂

Apr 05, 2020 12:57:33 AM Me

Instagram

Apr 05, 2020 12:58:07 AM Me

NSFW

Apr 05, 2020 1:02:24 AM Me

You’ll like this

Apr 06, 2020 1:21:54 PM Me

Apr 06, 2020 1:25:04 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

4

Apr 06, 2020 1:25:16 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Apr 10, 2020 11:39:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Apr 10, 2020 11:40:00 AM Me

Happy Friday!

Apr 10, 2020 11:41:08 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Apr 10, 2020 12:00:42 PM Me

How is your shoulder?

Apr 10, 2020 12:03:47 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Getting better - range is good - next week I think I can start rebuilding strength

Apr 10, 2020 4:27:47 PM Me

Cool. In case you need a mask...

Apr 10, 2020 4:27:49 PM Me

Twitter

Apr 10, 2020 4:28:58 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Haha

Apr 11, 2020 2:43:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Project Penis Mask, hahaha

Apr 11, 2020 2:44:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Apr 12, 2020 12:46:36 PM Me

Happy Easter 🐰🐇🐣

Apr 12, 2020 12:46:48 PM Me

Hope you’re having a nice day with all your ladies

Apr 12, 2020 1:06:36 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Easter 🐣🐰

Apr 12, 2020 1:06:40 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

We are

Apr 12, 2020 1:06:46 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

How about you

Apr 12, 2020 1:07:18 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 12, 2020 1:07:38 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 12, 2020 1:27:16 PM Me

Like the mask, nice touch! Cool you have some snow to play in! Rainy here. I am at home, going to do some work. Liz is in the studio, Declan and Darragh are still sleeping, and Aidan is off to do work. It’s the most ‘non-Easter’ atheistic Sunday I think I’ve had. 😝

Apr 24, 2020 11:29:14 AM +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/what-zone-are-you-living-in

Apr 24, 2020 11:29:32 AM +13038752587

Hola - hope you are and family are doing well

Apr 24, 2020 11:29:41 AM Me

Hey!

Apr 24, 2020 11:30:31 AM Me

Was going to ping you to see How your arm is doing

Apr 24, 2020 11:32:22 AM Me

Liz and Boys are good. Schools back full steam online. Liz is teaching, riding horses and recalibrating her training.

Apr 24, 2020 11:32:57 AM Me

How are you and all the ladies doing?

Apr 24, 2020 11:33:36 AM +13038752587

It’s getting better - no doing assisted strength moves - only where sling at night and when I leave the house

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Apr 24, 2020 11:34:59 AM +13038752587

We are mostly well. Some days we slip into the WTF matrix for a bit. Pivoting to the new world

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Apr 24, 2020 11:35:42 AM +13038752587

😀😷

Apr 24, 2020 11:36:04 AM +13038752587

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Apr 24, 2020 11:36:41 AM Me

I’m Bill Murray and I’m stuck in Groundhog Day mode

Apr 24, 2020 11:38:12 AM Me

I have lots of trouble concentrating for long stretches. Working in 30 min bursts

Apr 24, 2020 11:39:49 AM Me

Those bikes are very cool. Those became popular after my boys learn how to ride bikes

Apr 24, 2020 11:43:39 AM +13038752587

Try 50 mins work 10m break 50m work 10m break 50m work 40m break - 1 or 2 sessions day

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Apr 24, 2020 11:44:00 AM Me

Interesting

Apr 24, 2020 11:44:10 AM +13038752587

Or Darrens - 90m work 30m break - 3yimes a day

Apr 24, 2020 11:45:44 AM +13038752587

Check this out on desktop - any idea how to keep it to viewer height? Ci.purplemountainmarketing.com

Apr 24, 2020 11:46:39 AM +13038752587

This is the beginning of new site -rest will come after we build out 1000+ item woocommerce store

Apr 24, 2020 11:47:17 AM Me

Walking 🐕 and headed back to desk

Apr 24, 2020 11:47:27 AM Me

Will look 👀 when back

Apr 24, 2020 11:47:35 AM +13038752587

Cool - thanks 🙏

Apr 24, 2020 11:47:53 AM +13038752587

Enjoy the walk and fresh air

Apr 24, 2020 11:48:04 AM Me

Thanks!

Apr 24, 2020 2:53:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Looked at your link

Apr 24, 2020 2:53:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Apr 24, 2020 2:54:03 PM Me

A very BUSY screen.

Apr 24, 2020 2:54:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Only thing I can pick out is the brick wall, different color umbrellas, the dude in the black shirt, the windows.

Apr 24, 2020 2:55:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The order buttons I can slightly see, but they use the same color palette as what’s behind them—making them blend in more.

Apr 24, 2020 2:57:43 PM Me

when you say “keep it viewer height” what are you trying to do?

Apr 24, 2020 2:58:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can point in you in the right direction if I know exactly what you’re after.

Apr 24, 2020 3:00:13 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Text will go away in a bit - great pointers on visibility- we will make a popup once the bistro is open again

Apr 24, 2020 3:00:31 PM +13038752587

Model is cafeflore.fr

Apr 24, 2020 3:00:36 PM Me

note how the guy in the black shirt stands out

Apr 24, 2020 3:01:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you need high contrast AGAINST the background

Apr 24, 2020 3:01:18 PM Me

😊

Apr 24, 2020 3:02:19 PM +13038752587

Does the bottom of screen - footer appear on your screen or do you have to scroll to it

Apr 24, 2020 3:02:20 PM Me

I have a nice color palette tool builder that will help you immensely. hold on have to get the link... you plug in ONE hex color and it builds many different palettes

Apr 24, 2020 3:02:35 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - email it please

Apr 24, 2020 3:02:45 PM Me

the little white footer?

Apr 24, 2020 3:02:50 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Apr 24, 2020 3:03:31 PM Me

its behavior isn’t consistent

Apr 24, 2020 3:03:43 PM Me

rather its consistent, but not correct

Apr 24, 2020 3:03:59 PM Me

I can see what you’re trying to do

Apr 24, 2020 3:04:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

responsive background image to viewport.

Apr 24, 2020 3:04:28 PM Me

all content within responsive framework above it

Apr 24, 2020 3:05:27 PM Me

you can get the whole thing on screen for desktop, maybe tablet, but not mobile—unless you purposely display:none; some content at mobile viewports < 425px wide

Apr 24, 2020 3:06:52 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Mobile was next on how to get a good ui

Apr 24, 2020 3:08:07 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Right now I’m rebuilding pages on main site - have custom coming soon page- which is this home screen - cheeseimporters.com

Apr 24, 2020 3:09:21 PM Me

cool

Apr 24, 2020 3:09:27 PM Me

here’s the color tool:

Apr 24, 2020 3:09:29 PM Me

https://mycolor.space/

Apr 24, 2020 3:09:55 PM Me

Its VERY good, and gives you a wide variety

Apr 24, 2020 3:10:11 PM Me

I have no problem picking one and running with it

Apr 24, 2020 3:11:42 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

They have so much going on in images and store/ the logo doesn’t really match the feel of outside of store but does the bistro - see bistro page

Apr 24, 2020 3:12:32 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

The main pages will eventually not have text - idea is to let people know how to order right now

Apr 24, 2020 3:20:05 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks for you help

Apr 24, 2020 3:20:46 PM Me

sure, no problem

Apr 24, 2020 4:03:10 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 2 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Willows added to the mirror

Apr 25, 2020 3:57:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 17 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

I sitting outside Home Depot and it feels very apocalyptic

Apr 25, 2020 3:58:14 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 17 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Busy - but almost everyone is wearing masks and gloves

Apr 25, 2020 4:01:19 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

This video reminds me of the original invasion of the body snatchers

Apr 25, 2020 4:01:53 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 25, 2020 4:03:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

He leaves her to check out something - snatched people are loading pods in a train car- when he returns she’s asleep

Apr 25, 2020 4:03:36 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Actually as I recall the movie the ending is quite depressing

Apr 25, 2020 4:04:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Good thing this is not an alien 👽 invasion

Apr 25, 2020 4:04:55 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

😄

Apr 25, 2020 5:15:56 PM Me

Exactly

Apr 25, 2020 5:16:12 PM Me

I just got out of Home Depot. Was there for 2 hours

Apr 25, 2020 5:56:00 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Whatcha building

Apr 25, 2020 5:56:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

We a were gettin hornet traps and 🌱

Apr 25, 2020 7:36:16 PM Me

A loft in D and Ds room

Apr 25, 2020 7:36:32 PM Me

Built into the wall, no posts

Apr 25, 2020 7:37:31 PM Me

We have 12’ ceilings upstairs so it will be about 7’ off the ground, above the windows

Apr 25, 2020 7:37:53 PM Me

I’ll be taking pics along the way

Apr 25, 2020 7:38:30 PM Me

Fun part? Buying a new powerful cordless drill/driver

Apr 25, 2020 7:38:42 PM Me

New adult toys

Apr 27, 2020 10:28:39 AM Me

Happy Monday!

Apr 27, 2020 10:42:32 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Apr 27, 2020 11:00:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what’s on tap for you today?

Apr 27, 2020 11:15:24 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Main tasks Call to get money Outline flow with Cheese and determine next three month agreement Make the plan for the new normal and deign preparation

Apr 27, 2020 11:15:29 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

What about you

Apr 27, 2020 11:15:47 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Of course 3 session for my shoulder

May 01, 2020 12:00:24 PM +13038752587

HAPPY “5-1” on 5/1 BIRTHDAY 🎂 WISHING YOU A DAY OF JOY, LOVE HAPPINESS MAGIC AND WONDER!

Aug 06, 2020 10:36:37 AM (Read by you after 1 day, 5 hours, 43 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Hey Cuz

Aug 06, 2020 10:36:48 AM (Read by you after 1 day, 5 hours, 43 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

How are you and the family?

Aug 07, 2020 8:44:19 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Aug 07, 2020 9:13:10 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 22 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah got the reference - I did not

Aug 07, 2020 9:13:18 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 22 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

So the end is near

Aug 07, 2020 9:13:24 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 22 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

What end?

Aug 23, 2020 6:08:55 PM +13038752587

It’s been a bit Smokey the past two weeks- how’s the air there?

Aug 23, 2020 6:09:16 PM +13038752587

Aug 23, 2020 6:09:51 PM +13038752587

Normally there are mountains 🏔 about 5 miles away

Aug 24, 2020 9:55:50 AM Me

Hi, air is better but still smoky. Very humid

Sep 11, 2020 1:03:37 PM +13038752587

You were in my mind today

Sep 11, 2020 1:03:47 PM +13038752587

How are you?

Sep 11, 2020 1:03:59 PM +13038752587

How’s the family

Sep 12, 2020 11:54:08 AM Me

Hey man

Sep 12, 2020 11:54:38 AM Me

Sep 12, 2020 11:54:42 AM Me

Sep 12, 2020 11:55:45 AM Me

Hope you’re having a good day

Sep 12, 2020 12:16:56 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Thank you

Sep 12, 2020 12:17:59 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Taking girls to carousel 🎠 in Nederland. Then dinner with TreeDonMom RobMarisa

Sep 12, 2020 12:36:23 PM Me

Nice! Say hi to everyone from the smoky west coast 👋

Sep 29, 2020 10:16:01 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I was reading some posts on a men’s group I’m part of. Common pattern I see is most are tired of living a mediocre live, not living up to their potential, knowing they are capable of so much more. There is a challenge going on right now that I’m doing. Main start is tomorrow. I thought this may be of interest to you too. Here is a link to check it out... Bit.ly/WUWLI How has the transition been back to school? Are the kids on campus or did Thacher go virtual? What about the boys school?

Sep 29, 2020 10:38:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there! transition to school has been interesting. All students back on campus. Sophomores and Juniors are still quarranteened until this weekend. Freshman and Seniors are doing in person classes, but outdoors—sunny and dry here. Darragh started as a freshman at Thacher this year and so far its going well. Declan is a Junior at the public school, Nordhoff—he’s totally virtual. Been doing classes online for about a month now. Declan likes the online classes but I can tell he misses hanging with his friends in person.

Sep 29, 2020 10:38:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how are you all doing there? are you guys fire free?

Sep 29, 2020 10:46:43 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

We are well. Willow turned 5 on a Sunday. We did a small party with some of her friends at a park. Lilly turns 2 on Oct 9. Willow is doing virtual kindergarten. Occupies Sarah’s day until 1 as here para teacher. Lilly goes to my moms. I have been working on the cheese importers online store. Been a bigge project than I thought. Mom Tree and Don are well.

Sep 29, 2020 10:47:09 AM Me

WHAT? WTF? 5????

Sep 29, 2020 10:47:54 AM Me

dude, you’re feeling it now I bet. 🕒 🚀

Sep 29, 2020 10:48:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Something I’ve learned in the last 3 years (oddly taken me this long to figure this out)....

Sep 29, 2020 10:48:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Fires 🔥 still burning. Sunday it was like bring in a campfire. Monday clear air but you could smell the fires. One is growing bigger daily. Sarah’s cousin was evacuated from her home in the mountains as the fire moves that way

Sep 29, 2020 10:48:45 AM Me

ALL projects are bigger than you expect.

Sep 29, 2020 10:49:06 AM Me

😊

Sep 29, 2020 10:49:19 AM +13038752587

Yes they are

Sep 29, 2020 10:49:36 AM +13038752587

And time does fly

Sep 29, 2020 10:49:43 AM Me

I find my time estimates are off by bit a factor of 1.75x to 2x

Sep 29, 2020 10:50:06 AM Me

So I basically double whatever I think it will take

Sep 29, 2020 10:50:43 AM Me

I’m just wrapping up a month of “full focus” on a software project.

Sep 29, 2020 10:50:52 AM Me

Eye surgery software

Sep 29, 2020 10:50:56 AM Me

super fun

Sep 29, 2020 10:51:56 AM Me

When your kids hit big birthdays it makes you pause.

Sep 29, 2020 10:52:15 AM Me

Willow turning 5, next it will be when she’s 10

Sep 29, 2020 10:52:39 AM Me

Aidan just hit 20 this month. talk about WTF?

Sep 29, 2020 10:52:46 AM Me

I have a 20 year old kid.

Sep 29, 2020 10:52:48 AM Me

hahahaha

Sep 29, 2020 10:53:24 AM Me

Now just waiting for him to grow up. 😊

Sep 29, 2020 11:04:32 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

WOW 20

Sep 29, 2020 11:05:04 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Growing may take another 😳 20

Sep 29, 2020 11:06:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Oct 06, 2020 1:52:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just heard.

Oct 06, 2020 1:52:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

TMZ

Oct 06, 2020 1:55:23 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 38 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

🙁

Oct 08, 2020 2:32:04 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Twitter

Oct 08, 2020 2:51:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey, this is a FANTASTIC interview with Eddie Van Halen. Get to hear about how he came to America, got into music, found the guitar—amazing interview and storytelling:

Oct 08, 2020 2:51:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Oct 08, 2020 2:52:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

from 3 years ago

Oct 13, 2020 1:44:09 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

hey hope you and the family are doing ok

Oct 13, 2020 1:44:13 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Twitter

Oct 13, 2020 1:44:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

checkout the night time pic in the thread

Oct 21, 2020 6:18:38 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 21, 2020 6:19:26 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Smoke from the fire 🔥 about 10 miles west of here

Oct 21, 2020 6:19:40 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

The west is burning

Oct 21, 2020 6:44:58 PM Me

stay safe!

Oct 21, 2020 6:57:43 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

We are far enough away with no fuel for it between it and us

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Oct 21, 2020 7:02:12 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

The spider video was cool

Oct 26, 2020 12:56:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how are the fires going out there?

Oct 26, 2020 1:42:51 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Have not checked today / this came yesterday so hope it helped

Oct 26, 2020 1:43:02 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 26, 2020 2:01:01 PM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

Seems to have stalled them - two closest to us - 100 and 70% contained

Oct 26, 2020 2:02:13 PM (Read by you after 50 seconds) +13038752587

Cameron pass 60% and they are focused see on bulidfing structures around Estes Park and Fort Collins

Oct 26, 2020 2:03:19 PM Me

wow

Oct 26, 2020 2:03:46 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

East troublesome- 10% - it reaches into Rocky mtn national park

Oct 26, 2020 2:04:03 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

The park has fires all around it

Oct 26, 2020 2:04:30 PM Me

you guys feel safe tho?

Oct 26, 2020 2:04:42 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Oct 26, 2020 2:05:32 PM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

This week should let some friends and family no if they are out of danger

Oct 26, 2020 2:05:57 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

How are the California fires doing

Oct 26, 2020 2:06:11 PM +13038752587

How life going overall

Oct 26, 2020 2:07:00 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Willow brought home a cold - which we all have - of course stress goes up thinking it could be COVID-19

Oct 26, 2020 2:07:53 PM +13038752587

Only runny noses though and high energy - pretty sure we don’t meet testing criteria

Oct 26, 2020 2:08:46 PM +13038752587

So probably normal kid cold at the beginning of school

Oct 31, 2020 10:46:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hope you guys are feeling better!

Oct 31, 2020 10:46:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dont forget to vote!

Nov 01, 2020 9:00:41 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 56 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

This is great

Nov 01, 2020 9:00:52 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 56 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

We are all well

Nov 08, 2020 7:17:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Had to share this. Hope all is well. How is your family? How is your Mom? Tree & Don?

Nov 08, 2020 7:17:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Nov 08, 2020 7:18:31 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Too funny

Nov 08, 2020 7:18:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have so much stuff I’ve saved during the election. Some great stuff.

Nov 08, 2020 7:20:24 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Everyone here is well too. Mom had a bad migraine that we were concerned as it had stroke like symptoms. Two cat scans and Er visit reassured us she was ok. Took her a few days to recover.

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 08, 2020 7:20:39 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes) +13038752587

How’s everyone there doing?

Nov 08, 2020 7:21:20 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

We are one level away from stay home orders.

Reactions:

Disliked by Me

Nov 08, 2020 7:34:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We’re all good. Students been on campus about 9 weeks now. Zero Covid so far. 5 more weeks and they go home for holiday and return in February. School got a $5M gift to ‘do what it needs’ to make on campus schooling happen. We have a new testing center that can do hundreds of Covid tests a day, plus a multi-room on campus quarantine. Incredible measures in place but it’s working. Masks everywhere you go.

Nov 08, 2020 7:41:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Boys are all good. Darragh is Freshman at Thacher and is riding every day. So far so good. Declan is a Junior @ Nordhoff and is doing remote learning (pubic school)—he wants to get back to school so soccer season can happen. Aidan, who is now 20, is figuring himself out. He’s still training muay–thai and looking for his next gig. Liz is busy teaching, training horses at a ring across town and now training for her next ironman—c’or dalaine idaho

Nov 08, 2020 7:42:02 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

me: eat, sleep, work, worry, rest, repeat

Nov 08, 2020 7:42:23 PM Me

various levels at various times 😊

Nov 08, 2020 7:46:18 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Stop the worry

Nov 08, 2020 7:47:03 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Coure D Alain is beautiful

Nov 08, 2020 7:47:57 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

What your schools is found us what every should be doing. Testing is still not easy

Nov 08, 2020 7:48:57 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

*found - doing

Nov 08, 2020 7:49:44 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Driving - chat soon - be well

Nov 11, 2020 2:10:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Nov 11, 2020 2:10:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Nov 26, 2020 2:06:01 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 50 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Thanksgiving 🍁

Nov 26, 2020 5:56:44 PM Me

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nov 26, 2020 5:56:45 PM Me

Twitter

Nov 27, 2020 10:32:33 AM +13038752587

Ha ha

Dec 18, 2020 11:31:10 AM Me

2020 FTW! Deck the Halls to Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs” So fitting. Hope you are all well!

Dec 18, 2020 11:31:11 AM Me

Twitter

Dec 18, 2020 11:56:01 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Love it

Dec 18, 2020 11:56:13 AM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

How are you all?

Dec 18, 2020 11:56:14 AM Me

knew you would 😊

Dec 18, 2020 11:56:58 AM Me

were good. in our bubble since March. you?

Dec 18, 2020 12:04:39 PM +13038752587

Pretty much the same here Are bubble is a bit bigger though

Dec 18, 2020 12:05:29 PM +13038752587

We are going to see our new nephew tonight- Nick/Whitney baby boy was born 12/12

Dec 18, 2020 12:06:54 PM +13038752587

Then to Trees with Christmas with mom on Saturday. Then we stay away so they have no issues before Deidre and Joe’s wedding in Mexico

Dec 18, 2020 12:09:11 PM +13038752587

Are you getting together with Sally?

Dec 25, 2020 12:07:53 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 4 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Merry Christmas 🎄

Dec 25, 2020 10:22:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey merry xmas. love your picture! kids are adorable. and so are you two!

Dec 31, 2020 12:18:47 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dec 31, 2020 7:12:16 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 56 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

I immediately heard the song 🎵

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Dec 31, 2020 7:13:27 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 55 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Audios 2020 Here’s to 2021 🥳

Jan 01, 2021 12:06:10 AM Me

Twitter

Jan 01, 2021 9:25:24 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

That’s good

Jan 02, 2021 1:29:41 PM Me

Jan 09, 2021 11:16:16 AM Me

Hope all is well.

Jan 09, 2021 11:16:17 AM Me

Twitter

Jan 10, 2021 12:35:33 PM +13038752587

Ouch

Jan 10, 2021 12:35:54 PM +13038752587

We are well. How are you

Jan 10, 2021 7:29:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

doing so so.

Jan 10, 2021 7:29:56 PM Me

watch this. great speech. So glad I voted for him.

Jan 10, 2021 7:30:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Jan 14, 2021 10:05:31 PM Me

Haha

Jan 14, 2021 10:05:36 PM Me

Twitter

Feb 12, 2021 9:17:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Feb 13, 2021 10:07:57 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Mar 02, 2021 6:44:14 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

How the H are you and the family?

Mar 22, 2021 4:00:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dude are you OK?

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

See shooting in South Boulder

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:07 PM Me

Table Mesa

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:13 PM +13038752587

We are -

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:16 PM Me

King Soopers store

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:28 PM +13038752587

Did not hear about until right now

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:31 PM +13038752587

Holy shit

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:37 PM +13038752587

What happened

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:39 PM Me

see it on youtube

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:50 PM Me

YouTube

Mar 22, 2021 4:01:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This dude is there live

Mar 22, 2021 4:02:00 PM Me

saw bodies on ground, hear gunshots

Mar 22, 2021 4:02:03 PM Me

fucking crazy

Mar 22, 2021 4:02:12 PM Me

stay safe

Mar 22, 2021 4:02:23 PM Me

hope everyone out there is OK

Mar 22, 2021 4:06:28 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

This dude is given the cops too much grief for the situation at hand

Mar 22, 2021 4:07:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

rewind to the beginning. BE CAREFUL

Mar 22, 2021 4:07:17 PM Me

shots and dead people on ground

Mar 22, 2021 4:07:23 PM Me

he stands in doorway of store

Mar 22, 2021 4:07:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hear shots

Mar 22, 2021 4:07:53 PM Me

see what he’s doing now. if you scroll back he was on scene within 1 min of it happening

Mar 22, 2021 4:07:57 PM Me

lady on ground

Mar 22, 2021 4:08:03 PM Me

dude in parking lot on ground

Mar 22, 2021 4:08:06 PM Me

not moving at all

Mar 22, 2021 4:08:37 PM Me

I’m afraid more people are going to “pop” like this clown and the asshole in Atlanta

Mar 22, 2021 4:09:15 PM Me

I was on twitter and I saw someone post about live shooter in Boulder and I started tracking it down

Mar 22, 2021 4:09:27 PM Me

freaked me out because I immediately thought of you guys

Mar 22, 2021 4:13:57 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes) +13038752587

Watching live on Fox

Mar 22, 2021 4:14:29 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

They just walked a cuffed guy with bloody leg to ambulance

Mar 22, 2021 4:28:50 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Live footage on news showing dead bodies in the parking lot- strange the are not covering them or removing them

Mar 22, 2021 4:29:05 PM +13038752587

Unreal

Mar 22, 2021 4:29:09 PM Me

totally

Mar 22, 2021 4:29:21 PM Me

how far away is that from you?

Mar 22, 2021 4:29:39 PM Me

imagine you know where that is

Mar 22, 2021 4:30:02 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

15mins

Mar 22, 2021 4:30:13 PM +13038752587

12 miles

Mar 22, 2021 4:30:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wow, closer than Ventura for me

Mar 22, 2021 4:30:21 PM Me

holy shit

Mar 22, 2021 4:30:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

that is local

Mar 22, 2021 5:09:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hope all your friends and peeps you know are ok

Mar 22, 2021 5:09:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont think this is what the founding fathers had in mind with the 2nd amendment

Mar 22, 2021 5:10:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

pretty sure they would shit their pants if they were alive today

Mar 22, 2021 5:15:41 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Me too. Pretty scary

Mar 22, 2021 5:16:40 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Seeing the dead bodies and the video that you sent and hearing the shots was heard to see

Mar 22, 2021 5:16:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Mar 22, 2021 5:16:59 PM +13038752587

Definitely hits harder when it’s so close.

Mar 22, 2021 5:17:06 PM Me

hear you on that

Mar 22, 2021 5:18:26 PM Me

like when I watch wildfires online, but then have to be on the run for a week while the town nearly burns down. I was lucky, others were not. I know a local musician who lost his house and ALL of his giant instrument collection. I would be gutted.

Mar 22, 2021 5:18:30 PM +13038752587

When I told Sarah who is akready freaked out by the shooting trigger me emotionally

Mar 22, 2021 5:19:17 PM +13038752587

*shootings happening everywhere

Mar 22, 2021 5:19:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

saw a guy online share that he was in high school when columbine happened and listed off like 7 shootings that have all happened within 20 miles of him since including today

Mar 22, 2021 5:20:12 PM Me

people sharing that when they go to stores or out, is to look where they can escape if shit goes down

Mar 22, 2021 5:20:16 PM Me

WTF????

Mar 22, 2021 5:20:29 PM +13038752587

Exactly

Mar 22, 2021 5:20:50 PM Me

brings on the Anxiety, my OLD friend :-)

Mar 22, 2021 5:20:57 PM +13038752587

Your Dad told me he is always looking for exits when out in public

Mar 22, 2021 5:21:06 PM Me

that’s fucked up

Mar 22, 2021 5:21:26 PM Me

no other first world nation deals with this

Mar 22, 2021 5:22:04 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

I have to say I am alert to my surroundings and people often when out in public

Mar 22, 2021 5:22:37 PM Me

i’m aware of people, especially tweaks, but not dialed in on the exits

Mar 22, 2021 5:22:52 PM Me

tweaks = tweakers

Mar 22, 2021 5:23:18 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Wow! Although they have bombings and drivers

Mar 22, 2021 5:23:27 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Crazy folks everywhere

Mar 22, 2021 5:24:05 PM Me

yes. but where else in the world can you buy a gun, and go hog wild the SAME DAY?

Mar 22, 2021 5:24:15 PM +13038752587

We definitely can do a better job with mental health and better screening when purchasing a gun

Mar 22, 2021 5:24:28 PM Me

They won’t let you register and vote the same day, but hell here’s a gun

Mar 22, 2021 5:24:39 PM +13038752587

What happen led to the waiting period and background check

Mar 22, 2021 5:25:02 PM +13038752587

Ignore “led” typo

Mar 22, 2021 5:25:11 PM Me

I have ZERO problem with people having background checks, take a class, pass a test.

Mar 22, 2021 5:25:16 PM Me

can’t drive a car

Mar 22, 2021 5:25:23 PM Me

AND insurance for your gun

Mar 22, 2021 5:25:37 PM +13038752587

Yes - that makes sense

Mar 22, 2021 5:25:59 PM Me

like I said, Founding Fathers would shit their pants if they saw what is going on

Mar 22, 2021 5:26:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

even though many owned slaves, dont think they were down with senseless killing

Mar 22, 2021 5:27:31 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Acros s the board - the militarization on the nation. Our police are almost as weaponized as the military

Mar 22, 2021 5:27:42 PM Me

oh yeah they are

Mar 22, 2021 5:29:55 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

This fuels the arguement for amendment two - the govt should never be able to use force against the populace- which was the intention of the 2nd. A check and balance. Things are out of control.

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Mar 22, 2021 5:31:39 PM +13038752587

I believe we can step down all weaponry. Put reasonable safety checks in place to own a gun. And improve the mental health of our country

Mar 22, 2021 5:31:53 PM Me

never thought about it being a check like that, and it makes TOTAL sense. They were all about checks/balances. Keeping “a lid” on things

Mar 22, 2021 5:33:01 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Unfortunately, things won’t change until there is enough tragedy. Seems to be human nature. It has to get bad enough before we change

Mar 22, 2021 5:37:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Agree 100% with you there.

Mar 22, 2021 5:37:26 PM Me

problem is, until its happened to YOU or someone you love, most people dont get it

Mar 22, 2021 5:37:41 PM Me

plus we’re desensitized to it

Mar 22, 2021 5:38:25 PM Me

The shooting today is the 102nd this year in the US. More shootings than days of the year.

Mar 22, 2021 5:38:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve heard of a handful

Mar 22, 2021 5:39:14 PM +13038752587

Those are the numbers that will change things

Mar 22, 2021 5:40:27 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

I had no idea

Mar 22, 2021 5:41:35 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah just brought up a pint we are all to busy chasing things and paying the bills instead of formin relationships and community

Mar 22, 2021 5:42:04 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Which further causes isolation

Mar 22, 2021 5:43:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 20 seconds) +13038752587

And we live in a society that wants to sugar coat everything. People say I’m fine or good when they are not. It has become unacceptable to have a bad day and worse to want to talk it out

Mar 22, 2021 5:44:59 PM Me

True

Mar 22, 2021 5:45:06 PM Me

All of it

Mar 22, 2021 5:46:58 PM Me

Shooting aside, you guys all good?

Mar 22, 2021 5:47:07 PM Me

Vaccines?

Mar 22, 2021 5:47:33 PM +13038752587

Waves of sadness about the lives lost today and huge love as I look at the girls and gratitude for each day I get to be with them

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Mar 22, 2021 5:47:46 PM +13038752587

Yes, shooting aside

Mar 22, 2021 5:48:38 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

We are well. Re grouping income production. Sarah getting back into travel. Girls are well.

Mar 22, 2021 5:49:32 PM +13038752587

No vaccines yet. Need to research for Mom. We are not on the list. Mom can have hers

Mar 22, 2021 5:49:44 PM +13038752587

Did you get the vaccine?

Mar 22, 2021 5:49:51 PM Me

No

Mar 22, 2021 5:49:55 PM Me

Not eligible yet

Mar 22, 2021 5:49:59 PM Me

My parents are

Mar 22, 2021 5:50:19 PM Me

Liz got 1st of 2 last week. She’s a teach

Mar 22, 2021 5:50:23 PM Me

Teacher

Mar 22, 2021 5:50:42 PM Me

CA doing teachers now, 65 and over

Mar 22, 2021 5:50:46 PM +13038752587

My dad had a bad reaction- loss feelings in his legs -paralyzed- for about 12 hours and when I spoke to him you would think he had corona

Mar 22, 2021 5:50:55 PM Me

Whoa

Mar 22, 2021 5:51:22 PM Me

Ok now?

Mar 22, 2021 5:51:29 PM +13038752587

Not recommending second shot for him - good news is his body is producing antibodies

Mar 22, 2021 5:51:40 PM +13038752587

Yes - he is well

Mar 22, 2021 5:52:07 PM +13038752587

Patti has to have heart surgery- partial blocked artery

Mar 22, 2021 5:52:45 PM Me

That can be tricky older you get

Mar 22, 2021 5:53:51 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Did you give your mom recovery tips for her back? Same surgery as you right

Mar 22, 2021 5:54:27 PM Me

yes, we’ve talked about it a lot. she seems to be doing well, but taking longer to recover than me. Likely just age

Mar 22, 2021 5:55:47 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Mar 22, 2021 5:56:24 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Was your house a mess when the boys were young. Toys everywhere all the time 🤪

Mar 22, 2021 5:56:59 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

The girlnado can untidy a room in 2 mins

Mar 22, 2021 6:01:40 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Dinnertime. - let’s do a better job of staying in touch.

Mar 22, 2021 6:02:12 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Sending our love to you and the family ❤️

Mar 22, 2021 6:34:55 PM Me

Hey, yes house always a mess, dishes, laundry, toys everywhere. A clean house was like an eclipse, it happens, but rare.

Mar 22, 2021 6:36:34 PM Me

Was offline taking Declan to soccer practice. Been training 2 weeks now with masks. Lots of spacing

Mar 22, 2021 6:37:05 PM Me

Sitting in parking lot tethered to phone working online :-)

Mar 22, 2021 6:38:03 PM Me

Ok, be well. Love to you all

Mar 27, 2021 2:16:18 AM Me

Twitter

Mar 27, 2021 6:08:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ve not been vaccinated, but love this tweet.

Mar 27, 2021 6:08:04 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Mar 28, 2021 12:11:32 PM Me

Smooth footwork

Mar 28, 2021 12:11:33 PM Me

Twitter

Mar 28, 2021 4:20:38 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Smooth. Like he is floating

Apr 20, 2021 6:32:16 PM +13038752587

You were on my mind today - now doing dishes and listening to Dark Side of the Moon 🌚

Apr 20, 2021 6:32:22 PM +13038752587

How are you?

Apr 20, 2021 6:32:33 PM +13038752587

How’s the family?

May 01, 2021 10:34:11 AM +13038752587

Happy Birthday 🎂🎊🎈🎁 Hope your having a great day and a margarita is in the plans

May 03, 2021 10:53:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thanks for the birthday wishes.

May 20, 2021 8:19:31 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

#TDIGDH “This day in Grateful Dead history) 5-20-1973 UC Santa Barbara (Just 30 miles down the road) This show is GREAT—must listen

May 20, 2021 8:19:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Internet Archive

May 20, 2021 8:19:43 PM Me

Look at the set list

May 20, 2021 8:21:12 PM Me

heard this on SirusXM GD channel while driving the boys to their Covid vaccinations today

May 20, 2021 8:23:09 PM +13038752587

We got a second shot yesterday- today we were low energy

May 20, 2021 8:23:42 PM +13038752587

Did not sleep Last night Planning on some tonight

May 20, 2021 8:23:45 PM Me

I’m 2wks out from second—100% ☣️

May 20, 2021 8:23:55 PM +13038752587

😀

May 20, 2021 8:24:14 PM Me

yeah. day after second I felt slow/tired but all good after that

May 20, 2021 8:24:48 PM Me

Good to get the boys theirs. 2nd one scheduled for 6/10

May 20, 2021 8:25:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no side effects for either

May 20, 2021 8:25:14 PM Me

Declan is 18 (holy shit)

May 20, 2021 8:25:25 PM Me

Darragh will be 15 in 3 weeks

May 20, 2021 8:25:43 PM Me

Aidan will be 21 this September

May 20, 2021 8:26:03 PM Me

I’m getting fucking OLD

May 20, 2021 8:26:20 PM Me

your kids keep you young

May 20, 2021 8:26:24 PM Me

enjoy it

May 20, 2021 8:26:28 PM +13038752587

Wow - meme FaceTime Addison yesterday - got to wish her HB

May 20, 2021 8:27:06 PM Me

Be weird and silly when they’re little. They LOVE it. My boys did.

May 20, 2021 8:27:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then they become teenagers and they dont want you to be weird and silly anyomore

May 20, 2021 8:28:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was scolded today for being weird in public with them at vaccinations—go figure

May 20, 2021 8:28:12 PM +13038752587

All the more reason to be silly

May 20, 2021 8:28:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

HAHA

May 20, 2021 8:28:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Haha

May 20, 2021 8:28:29 PM Me

totally your modus operandi

May 20, 2021 8:28:59 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

intensify when you see its making them tweak

May 20, 2021 8:29:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Indeed

May 20, 2021 8:29:48 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

May 20, 2021 8:30:23 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

On our way home from Barry’s this young calf wanted to say hello

May 20, 2021 8:31:28 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

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Willow helping me paint touch up before new gutters

May 20, 2021 8:33:28 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Is Ojai back open - we just hit level clear

May 22, 2021 11:17:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hilarious

May 22, 2021 11:17:08 AM Me

#fuckinggoat

May 22, 2021 11:17:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

May 22, 2021 11:18:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ojai’s been open for a while. Hotels and outdoor dining since early March. masks inside everywhere despite vax status

May 22, 2021 11:18:27 AM Me

until june 15th I think. Then not sure what happens

May 26, 2021 10:57:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey, how are things?

May 26, 2021 10:59:59 AM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

May 26, 2021 11:00:14 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

How about with you

May 26, 2021 11:00:59 AM Me

which version you want?

May 26, 2021 11:01:47 AM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

The raw and real version

May 26, 2021 11:03:44 AM Me

feel done with everything

May 26, 2021 11:04:23 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

I understand- be more specific

May 26, 2021 11:29:20 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

May 26, 2021 11:29:34 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Where did you go?

May 26, 2021 11:53:36 AM Me

hey

May 26, 2021 11:53:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just distracted

May 26, 2021 11:55:37 AM Me

feel stuck, stuck in depression and unhappiness for a long time (years)

May 26, 2021 11:56:45 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

I can relate to feeling stuck

May 26, 2021 12:01:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

keep trying to find happiness and contentment from inside — self generated — but no luck. keep looking, and trying, and not looking, and not caring, and nothing seems to shift. One reaches the point of ‘why bother’

May 26, 2021 12:01:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

met with endless dead ends and shortcomings

May 26, 2021 12:02:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I never knew what was beyond “I don’t give a shit” but I think I’ve been living here a while

May 26, 2021 12:02:48 PM Me

I dont know

May 26, 2021 12:10:03 PM Me

I liken myself to a functional depressive. I can work, and move thru all the required machinations and jump through the requisite hoops every day. But its living life on a daily basis—the excitement comes from making it through another day. And then the dread of having to do it again, like Bill Murray in Groundhog day.

May 26, 2021 12:20:37 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

What is the destination you are seeking to arrive at or attain?

May 26, 2021 12:25:40 PM Me

good question. I look at it more like what am I trying to avoid

May 26, 2021 12:25:49 PM Me

ie, feeling like shit

May 26, 2021 12:29:01 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Action away from pain is a good motivator but without a destination of pleasure, it becomes an empty pursuit

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May 26, 2021 12:36:22 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Example - I need to lose weight so I don’t die early from a heart attack. This is an excellent motivator as one wants to live. However if you connect this to the pleasure to by living longer I will get to see my kids grow up, graduate, marry- have kids if their own. Now the daily effort and the goal met of losing the weight has real and powerful meaning

May 26, 2021 12:39:08 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

So you know where you are. Do you know where you are going? (What do you want? , what do you desire? What fills you with joy?)

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May 26, 2021 1:53:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haven’t thought that way for a while. not much thinking beyond the day/week.

May 26, 2021 1:57:08 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Each day, each week are the steps you are taking to get...?

May 26, 2021 1:59:21 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Everything we are doing is for a reason. On a simple level we eat to stay alive. Next level is conscious- I eat healthy to live with more energy

May 26, 2021 2:00:57 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Some of our daily tasks are taking us to the next and the same for our weekly tasks. Some of them are contributing to a compelling future

May 26, 2021 2:01:41 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) +13038752587

vision of our life

May 26, 2021 2:03:11 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I feel we keep ourselves chasing what isn’t important and this keeps us so busy we have lost site of what is important and what we really want.

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Jun 01, 2021 2:50:46 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Hola 👋

Jun 01, 2021 2:51:04 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes) +13038752587

How was the holiday?

Jun 01, 2021 3:11:29 PM Me

Uneventful

Jun 01, 2021 3:11:31 PM Me

You?

Jun 01, 2021 3:12:45 PM +13038752587

Busy

Jun 01, 2021 3:14:56 PM +13038752587

Thursday was Willows last day of kindergarten so we went to a special park for dinner. Friday to the zoo as a celebration. Saturday we camped out at Barry’s - Memorial Day event and Odie Sarah’s 92 old grand ma was finalable to see everyone. Firs time she got it hold to of her great grand kids

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Jun 01, 2021 3:15:49 PM +13038752587

Sunday and Monday where house/yard days as it rained a bunch

Jun 01, 2021 3:16:12 PM +13038752587

Are the boys in summer soccer?

Jun 02, 2021 10:10:17 AM Me

No soccer. Darragh hasn’t played in over a year. Says he’s done, burned out on it. Declan had a great Varsity season, lots of assists and a goal. He’s training over summer but that’s it.

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Jun 02, 2021 11:30:14 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Hey - just sent you an email about something we should do together- check it out -let me know what you think

Jun 02, 2021 5:59:50 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Where you able to check out the link?

Jun 03, 2021 10:58:08 AM Me

Yeah

Jun 03, 2021 10:58:44 AM Me

Declan got that last night at soccer banquet

Jun 03, 2021 10:59:51 AM +13038752587

That’s great - well done Declan

Jun 03, 2021 11:00:43 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

What do you think about the course? Are you done to do it with me?

Jun 03, 2021 11:38:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I don’t know what I’m going to do. Thinking about it. Right now not sure what I want to do

Jun 03, 2021 11:39:36 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Did you read the questions in the landing page?

Jun 03, 2021 11:47:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I read through it, went all the way to the bottom

Jun 03, 2021 12:05:22 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Did any of them hit home?

Jun 03, 2021 12:05:54 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

I relate to many of the feelings

Jun 03, 2021 12:14:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

same. I’ve tried story changing techniques before. still have the same stories. I find that some things are baked into DNA and liken it to walking into ocean waves, vs surfing the ocean waves

Jun 03, 2021 12:15:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

aka, “go with the flow”

Jun 03, 2021 12:15:17 PM Me

“work with what you got”

Jun 03, 2021 12:16:15 PM Me

of course I’m also REALLY good at coming up with excuses

Jun 03, 2021 12:16:23 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Haha

Jun 03, 2021 12:16:29 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Aren’t we all

Jun 03, 2021 12:17:43 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Almost everything I have done has the storytelling component as it is a critical piece

Jun 03, 2021 12:18:14 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Here is my thought 💭

Jun 03, 2021 12:21:23 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

This course seems interesting and fun 🤩 It’s only like 38$ each And we can do it as an intensive a mod a day

Jun 03, 2021 12:21:47 PM Me

ok

Jun 03, 2021 12:33:05 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

I sign is up today

Jun 03, 2021 12:33:11 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Jun 04, 2021 1:22:19 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

I signed us up last night Looks like there is 5 mods. Can you begin this weekend with the pre-course - mod 1 really? Then we can do one a day m-th next eeek

Jun 04, 2021 2:54:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I could. I don’t have anything going on

Jun 04, 2021 2:55:39 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 19 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - I’ll take that as I will 😀

Jun 04, 2021 2:55:53 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll send you over the login today

Jun 04, 2021 4:16:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, cool.

Jun 04, 2021 4:29:56 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

What’s a good time daily starting on Monday - Thursday to set up a 15-30m call

Jun 04, 2021 4:30:36 PM +13038752587

I can schedule in anytime between 9-5 mst

Jun 04, 2021 4:30:45 PM Me

uh…. 12

Jun 04, 2021 4:30:54 PM Me

that will work

Jun 04, 2021 4:31:07 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

12pst or mst?

Jun 04, 2021 4:31:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh pst

Jun 04, 2021 4:31:42 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - perfect - inking it into my Calendar

Jun 04, 2021 4:32:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok. I better do the same. I’m senile, but come by it honestly

Jun 04, 2021 4:37:44 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Haha - too much of a green leaf on the college days

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Jun 04, 2021 4:43:51 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Link sent Password is 20Change21

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Jun 04, 2021 4:44:36 PM Me

what email?

Jun 04, 2021 4:44:39 PM Me

I have a few

Jun 04, 2021 4:44:43 PM +13038752587

Gmail

Jun 04, 2021 4:44:46 PM Me

k

Jun 04, 2021 4:50:08 PM Me

cool. logged in. downloaded all the “before you start” pdfs—there are 3

Jun 06, 2021 7:58:11 PM Me

Did the homework hours ago. You?

Jun 07, 2021 1:00:55 PM Me

One min

Jun 08, 2021 1:07:28 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Running late / I’ll call in 10m

Jun 08, 2021 1:07:43 PM Me

K

Jun 09, 2021 1:05:22 PM Me

Give me a min

Jun 09, 2021 1:56:12 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

I am sending you 1π! Pi is a new digital currency developed by Stanford PhDs, with over 10 million members worldwide. To claim your Pi, follow this link https://minepi.com/darrellritchie and use my username (darrellritchie) as your invitation code.

Jun 09, 2021 5:03:46 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 16 minutes) +13038752587

Let me know when you set up the app

Jun 10, 2021 1:00:39 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

give me a minute to get outside with the dog

Jun 10, 2021 1:00:51 PM Me

was trying to text u right before you called

Jun 10, 2021 1:01:09 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 36 seconds) +13038752587

👍

Jun 10, 2021 1:23:20 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry, I can't talk right now.

Jun 10, 2021 1:23:36 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Call you in 5

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Jun 10, 2021 3:23:59 PM Me

Twitter

Jun 10, 2021 3:53:57 PM +13038752587

Puzzling

Jun 11, 2021 12:53:18 PM +13038752587

Putting Lilly in car for nap - let’s connect at 1:15

Jun 11, 2021 12:53:35 PM +13038752587

12:15 your time

Jun 11, 2021 10:17:39 PM Me

Great track. From recent Apple privacy commercials. Feels like the 90s to me.

Jun 11, 2021 10:17:53 PM Me

Spotify

Jun 11, 2021 10:18:21 PM Me

Think you’ll like it

Jun 11, 2021 10:19:31 PM Me

Btw, I know u have little kids and have little time to know what are good shows to binge on with little tome u have. Or what is some good new music, etc.

Jun 11, 2021 10:19:47 PM Me

I have lots of refs if u want some

Jun 11, 2021 10:20:05 PM Me

Lmk

Jun 13, 2021 1:56:20 PM Me

Hahaha

Jun 13, 2021 1:56:21 PM Me

Twitter

Jun 13, 2021 3:37:01 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Love it

Jun 14, 2021 12:58:37 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Have to push call to 12:15

Jun 14, 2021 1:16:59 PM Me

No prob. Just got back to my phone

Jun 14, 2021 1:56:10 PM Me

Liz gave me the card on the left. Drawing is from an art students of hers from a few years ago.

Jun 14, 2021 1:56:18 PM Me

Jun 14, 2021 4:05:33 PM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

Live it

Jun 14, 2021 4:07:10 PM Me

I framed it a few years back. Was too perfect

Jun 15, 2021 1:01:14 PM Me

In the middle of car/Kid transfer. Will call when back home in 20-30

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Jun 15, 2021 2:22:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just got home. I can talk for about 15 mins whenever you’re free. LMK

Jun 15, 2021 2:29:00 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

At 2:15ish your time

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Jun 15, 2021 2:31:04 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

What’s a good TOS and privacy page generator?

Jun 15, 2021 2:31:22 PM Me

new version of WordPress has it built in

Jun 15, 2021 2:37:48 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jun 15, 2021 4:32:58 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Long call with client

Jun 15, 2021 4:33:24 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get your worksheets done?

Jun 15, 2021 5:12:39 PM Me

No worries. Getting work done before hiking in heat and basketball. Didn’t get sheet done, committing to having done tonight

Jun 15, 2021 5:13:18 PM Me

107 in garden today Heat is coming

Jun 15, 2021 5:13:39 PM Me

Humidity dropped bigly

Jun 15, 2021 5:38:49 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 8 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

Jun 15, 2021 5:39:12 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 8 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

We hit 100 today

Jun 16, 2021 11:48:05 AM Me

Hey we on for noon pst today?

Jun 16, 2021 11:48:14 AM Me

LMK

Jun 16, 2021 12:01:43 PM +13038752587

Yes

Jun 16, 2021 12:02:00 PM +13038752587

I can’t do Thursday or Friday

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Jun 16, 2021 12:02:49 PM Me

We can set a target 🎯 for next call

Jun 16, 2021 12:55:21 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Need to push 15m today

Jun 16, 2021 12:55:47 PM Me

k

Jun 16, 2021 3:47:17 PM Me

Hey there. Was out picking boys up from summer job. Now working so that I can chill later (instead of procrastinating and having to work later)

Jun 16, 2021 3:47:58 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like a good plan

Jun 16, 2021 3:58:52 PM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?i=1000525505696

Jun 16, 2021 3:58:52 PM Me

Good episode (in light of what I’ve been talking about) and this is an OUTSTANDING podcast. Highly recommend. Been listening for years

Jun 18, 2021 1:16:29 PM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

You are not mining ⛏ Pi. Friendly reminder

Jun 18, 2021 2:16:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OMG

Jun 18, 2021 2:16:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Jun 18, 2021 2:16:55 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

Haha

Jun 18, 2021 2:58:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

charging my phone

Jun 18, 2021 2:58:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Jun 20, 2021 7:07:56 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Father’s Day

Jun 20, 2021 7:28:51 PM Me

Likewise

Jun 20, 2021 7:31:13 PM Me

Twitter

Jun 21, 2021 2:15:52 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Missed you today - do you want to plan for tomorrow?

Jun 21, 2021 2:28:17 PM Me

Hi there, yes. Was busy with Declan. Let’s plan for tomorrow. I did work thru rest of C workbook. Have stuff to share tomorrow for sure

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Jun 21, 2021 2:29:56 PM Me

We fly to Spokane Wednesday, then drive to Idaho. May not be able to talk that day, but will continue with next module. I’ll be able to talk Thur/Fri but may need to shift time slightly. Will let you know

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Jun 21, 2021 2:30:35 PM Me

Race is Sunday, fly back one week from tomorrow

Jun 22, 2021 11:38:14 AM +13038752587

Can we move call to 1:30-2 ish your time?

Jun 22, 2021 11:47:05 AM Me

Yes, that works for me

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Jun 22, 2021 3:20:59 PM +13038752587

Just got off call. Left you a voicemail

Jun 22, 2021 3:21:27 PM +13038752587

Let’s talk tonight

Jun 22, 2021 3:22:17 PM Me

May be able to call soon. Driving Darragh and friends for putt putt golf

Jun 22, 2021 3:23:50 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to Voicemail first

Jun 22, 2021 4:36:31 PM Me

k

Jun 22, 2021 7:16:19 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 23 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

What time do you leave tomorrow?

Jun 23, 2021 9:17:30 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning

Jun 23, 2021 9:20:05 AM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

Safe travels Send times you are available to talk on Thursday and Friday. If you get time and want to talk today, I should be around all day after 9:30 your time.

Jun 23, 2021 9:22:26 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey there. yeah busy morning, sorting, packing, cleaning car, get dogs squared away, etc. in next few hours to then head to LAX. We’ll be on the road all day. I may have time today to talk, just not sure when and where. Maybe when we’re at airport sitting at the gate waiting.

Jun 23, 2021 9:24:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

In terms of talking tomorrow or Friday, right now I don’t have a “schedule” per se, but I do know we’ll need to hit the supermarket, and the course check-in on Thursday. I will have time on Thurs to talk, just don’t know when. For now lets plan on the same time 12noon unless I need to shift it.

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Jun 23, 2021 9:24:24 AM Me

oh and listened to the voicemail, no worries.

Jun 24, 2021 12:38:59 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 7 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/capitalism-com-with-ryan-daniel-moran/id721987947?i=1000526246315

Jun 24, 2021 12:38:59 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 7 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to this today. Go for a walk while listening

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Jun 27, 2021 9:53:11 AM Me

Hey 👋 in case you’re curious

Jun 27, 2021 9:53:12 AM Me

IM Coeur d'Alene Live Tracking

Jun 27, 2021 9:53:30 AM Me

Tracking info for Liz

Jun 27, 2021 10:42:53 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jun 27, 2021 10:43:01 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Yes I’ll track her

Jun 27, 2021 10:43:11 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

How goes the trip

Jun 27, 2021 3:29:18 PM +13038752587

Pace looks good. How’s she tracking against her time?

Jun 27, 2021 3:41:34 PM Me

She’s on pace

Jun 27, 2021 3:41:45 PM Me

Following her race plan and so far things are going well

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Jun 27, 2021 8:27:37 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

I see Liz finished in 6th place 😀

Jun 27, 2021 8:34:11 PM Me

Yeah looks like it

Jun 28, 2021 11:35:45 AM +13038752587

Kona bound?

Jun 28, 2021 11:36:06 AM Me

Waiting to find out right now

Jun 28, 2021 11:36:34 AM Me

Will let u know

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Jun 28, 2021 11:37:04 AM Me

Exhausted

Jun 28, 2021 11:37:08 AM Me

Me that is

Jun 28, 2021 11:37:12 AM +13038752587

Time to chat today?

Jun 28, 2021 11:37:37 AM Me

Maybe later, we’ll see

Jun 28, 2021 11:47:14 AM Me

KONA!!! She did it
Sent with Fireworks

Jun 28, 2021 1:43:16 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 40 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Yahoo!

Jun 30, 2021 12:23:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, are we talking today?

Jun 30, 2021 12:34:12 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

You back home?

Jun 30, 2021 12:34:27 PM Me

unfortunately yes

Jun 30, 2021 12:35:28 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Can you do the call at 1 your time?

Jun 30, 2021 12:35:38 PM Me

yeah

Jun 30, 2021 12:37:51 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎

Jun 30, 2021 2:01:52 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Making tea - I’ll call in 5m

Jun 30, 2021 2:03:42 PM Me

K

Jul 01, 2021 12:34:12 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Need to delay today - can we push it an hour

Jul 01, 2021 12:34:26 PM Me

So 1pm my time?

Jul 01, 2021 12:34:34 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

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Jul 01, 2021 8:44:27 PM +13038752587

I had to pop in to the show for a client/non-profit I do some low price marketing for. Pretty good time for an hour

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Jul 01, 2021 8:45:10 PM +13038752587

This is like a mix between the dead, reggae and the blues

Jul 01, 2021 8:45:23 PM Me

Jul 01, 2021 8:45:44 PM Me

I’m working on some updates to my dart 🎯 area

Jul 01, 2021 8:46:37 PM Me

Jul 01, 2021 8:46:56 PM Me

Jul 01, 2021 8:47:48 PM +13038752587

Jul 01, 2021 8:48:14 PM +13038752587

Is that on your porch?

Jul 01, 2021 8:48:24 PM Me

Taking old shelving I built for boys when little for all their shit. Left it Outside a few years to weather. Now going to turn it into a darting cabinet. Place for darts, parts, and a place to hold beers 🍻

Jul 01, 2021 8:48:33 PM Me

Yes that’s my porch

Jul 01, 2021 8:48:48 PM Me

Jul 01, 2021 8:49:04 PM +13038752587

Dude - you have gotten serious about darts 🎯 😀

Jul 01, 2021 8:49:04 PM Me

Aidan’s training bag in middle

Jul 01, 2021 8:49:36 PM Me

Used to be in garage. Moved it to porch over COVID

Jul 01, 2021 8:49:43 PM +13038752587

When the pergola get added?

Jul 01, 2021 8:49:49 PM +13038752587

I live it

Jul 01, 2021 8:50:09 PM Me

Was there when moved in

Jul 01, 2021 8:50:35 PM +13038752587

Hum somehow not in my memory of the deck

Jul 01, 2021 8:50:53 PM +13038752587

Almost looks like a college deck

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Jul 01, 2021 8:51:07 PM Me

Yes

Jul 01, 2021 8:51:14 PM +13038752587

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Jul 01, 2021 8:51:17 PM Me

20, 18, 15

Jul 01, 2021 8:51:30 PM Me

Remember how old my guys are

Jul 01, 2021 8:51:45 PM Me

Declan (18) is a good darter

Jul 01, 2021 8:51:54 PM Me

He beats me every so often

Jul 01, 2021 8:54:37 PM Me

Declan, Darragh, Liz on way home from LAX 2 days ago

Jul 01, 2021 8:55:05 PM Me

Declan is taller than me. Darragh talker than Liz and on his way to me

Jul 01, 2021 8:55:59 PM Me

Like that backdrop

Jul 02, 2021 1:10:09 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Running late - day high jacked

Jul 02, 2021 1:12:05 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Two excited kids at home - getting into everything as we get packed up

Jul 02, 2021 1:12:21 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

How about 1 your time?

Jul 02, 2021 1:21:12 PM Me

Maybe. 😁 I may be in middle of a run to town with teens who want to buy half the supermarket

Jul 02, 2021 1:21:31 PM Me

Once back from that I’m home rest of afternoon

Jul 02, 2021 1:21:41 PM Me

I’ll ping u when I’m back

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Jul 03, 2021 3:08:29 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Forgot how good these are

Jul 05, 2021 10:08:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, checking to see if we’re on to talk today at 12noon

Jul 05, 2021 10:09:31 AM Me

? — how is that freihoffer image from my parents living room. how are you there?

Jul 05, 2021 10:13:32 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also, did you ever send the info about the website(s) you needed me to look @?? FYI - my workload has gone down @ A+L and looking for more work

Jul 05, 2021 10:15:06 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Check your VM. I left you a voice message yesterday. We just left your parents house, and are driving to Vermont.

Jul 05, 2021 10:15:59 AM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you when we get to our hotel later today.

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Jul 05, 2021 4:20:20 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Just got to Hotel. Need to feed the kids.

Jul 05, 2021 4:35:17 PM Me

No worries. We can talk tomorrow if you’re busy with family. Trust me, I get it

Jul 08, 2021 2:23:02 PM Me

https://join.tts.gsa.gov/join/executive-director/

Jul 08, 2021 2:23:02 PM Me

This might be of interest. Upcoming leadership position

Jul 08, 2021 2:27:10 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Hum

Jul 08, 2021 2:27:24 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

How goes the week?

Jul 08, 2021 2:28:23 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Travel with the kiddos is both fun and anxiety inducing

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Jul 08, 2021 2:28:47 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 08, 2021 2:28:52 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 08, 2021 2:29:02 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 08, 2021 2:29:28 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

A little calm moment for you

Jul 08, 2021 2:30:46 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

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Jul 08, 2021 2:35:41 PM Me

Just on way home from a meditation hike. A bit 🥵

Jul 08, 2021 2:54:46 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 1 hour, 36 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Overcast and cool here - feels good

Jul 09, 2021 4:33:31 PM (Read by them after 15 minutes, 19 seconds) Me

been doing a meditation course over past 3 days. been intense but good. processing lots of shit

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Jul 09, 2021 8:12:47 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 28 minutes, 33 seconds) Me

hahah

Jul 09, 2021 8:12:52 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 28 minutes, 33 seconds) Me

Twitter

Jul 09, 2021 9:04:37 PM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?i=1000527885704

Jul 10, 2021 1:24:27 PM Me

Omg 😆 ￼

Jul 10, 2021 1:27:20 PM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

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Jul 11, 2021 3:27:58 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 21 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 11, 2021 3:28:10 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 21 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Memory lane

Jul 11, 2021 3:28:23 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 21 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 12, 2021 11:50:50 AM Me

Yeah, last time we were back there we went by. Was a shop in there, still there?

Jul 12, 2021 11:58:52 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Wine shop

Jul 12, 2021 12:17:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

think it was a metaphysical shop when we were there in 2018

Jul 12, 2021 12:18:11 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 12, 2021 12:18:11 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Do you know where this is?

Jul 12, 2021 12:56:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no idea

Jul 12, 2021 12:57:15 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

just took the personality type test. Says my type is rare.

Jul 12, 2021 12:57:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.16personalities.com/profiles/f6610a193bd7f

Jul 12, 2021 12:57:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I like the long goatee it gave me

Jul 12, 2021 1:02:19 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

I like 16personality

Jul 12, 2021 1:02:42 PM +13038752587

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A bigger clue

Jul 12, 2021 1:03:33 PM Me

one of those moments we talked about where I never meant to be on that site taking the test, but I started clicking on things and now trying to refocus.

Jul 12, 2021 1:03:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my old school

Jul 15, 2021 8:18:59 PM Me

https://insig.ht/CHM591YxVhb

Jul 15, 2021 8:18:59 PM Me

This is the 10 day course I just did. A few meditations I’ve done more than once

Jul 15, 2021 8:40:42 PM +13038752587

Nice

Jul 15, 2021 8:40:48 PM +13038752587

I’ll check it out

Jul 15, 2021 8:41:08 PM +13038752587

Let’s plan to get back in track next Monday with mod 2

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Jul 16, 2021 4:11:29 PM +13038752587

Hello

Jul 16, 2021 4:11:34 PM +13038752587

😀

Jul 16, 2021 4:11:55 PM +13038752587

Ps sent you an email from media temple

Jul 16, 2021 4:12:09 PM Me

Yeah, paid them

Jul 16, 2021 4:12:29 PM Me

Thx

Jul 16, 2021 5:46:58 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

You up for next week - may have to do an earlier time

Jul 16, 2021 6:02:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Jul 16, 2021 6:03:13 PM Me

BTW, this is fucking hilarious. More of this flashback animation to fight back on these bozos who are killing people with their bullshit

Jul 16, 2021 6:03:20 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://video.twimg.com/amplify_video/1416147244454227970/vid/640x480/mFLkVoBt4-czTJRX.mp4?tag=14

Jul 16, 2021 6:37:14 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 49 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Amazing that they are able to say such things and mislead people Everyone is all over social media but ignoring regular media

Jul 16, 2021 6:38:10 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 49 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

The other side that is scary is people don’t know that what they are saying is false or not valid arguments

Jul 16, 2021 6:38:48 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 48 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

And I wonder 💭 Do they have their vaccinations? I would bet “yes”

Jul 16, 2021 9:28:07 PM Me

They do. All of them. All they want is to own the libs. Libs like science, fuck science

Jul 17, 2021 3:38:00 PM Me

In the paper here yesterday

Jul 17, 2021 3:43:18 PM (Read by you after 55 seconds) +13038752587

Very cool

Jul 17, 2021 3:43:45 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Is the whole family going or just you and Liz

Jul 17, 2021 3:44:20 PM Me

all of us

Jul 17, 2021 3:59:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, I have some extra bandwidth. If you know of any projects LMK

Jul 17, 2021 4:40:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 54 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

I may have something- need to talk to cheese importers - will need to bring in woocommerce person to tweak store out if they want to continue

Jul 17, 2021 4:41:40 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

What type of projects do you want to do

Jul 17, 2021 6:34:41 PM (Read by them after 37 minutes, 56 seconds) Me

I can easily handle anything Woo related.

Jul 17, 2021 6:35:34 PM (Read by them after 37 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

user interface/user experience focus on any digital assets.

Jul 19, 2021 1:12:56 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be calling in 10m

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Jul 19, 2021 1:14:05 PM Me

A heads up — I have a “telemedicine” call @ 1pm today that I want to be on time for.

Jul 19, 2021 2:39:20 PM Me

Appointment went really well. Made me realize that for intake type of appts (meeting doc for first time) it makes sense to meet on vid call. You really dont do anything other than answer questions. No need to take vitals, etc.

Jul 19, 2021 2:40:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Adjusting my meds based on call. Follow up in 4-6 weeks. Meet with a therapist this upcoming Sunday. We’ll see how it goes.

Jul 19, 2021 2:52:11 PM Me

whoa…

Jul 19, 2021 2:52:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Jul 19, 2021 2:55:22 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

😀 about call

Jul 19, 2021 2:55:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

That’s a scary quote

Jul 20, 2021 1:13:32 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Running late obviously

Jul 20, 2021 1:13:40 PM +13038752587

I call at 12;30

Jul 20, 2021 1:13:43 PM Me

no worries

Jul 20, 2021 1:13:57 PM Me

i’m busy

Jul 20, 2021 1:32:44 PM Me

One min

Jul 20, 2021 1:43:06 PM Me

Sorry wrapping something up

Jul 20, 2021 1:43:32 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 24 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

No worries- call when your down

Jul 20, 2021 2:00:07 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 8 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 20, 2021 2:01:00 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 7 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 21, 2021 1:05:57 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

In the middle of an unintended project

Jul 21, 2021 1:06:04 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 21, 2021 1:06:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Can we push an hour?

Jul 21, 2021 1:15:39 PM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 21, 2021 2:10:21 PM Me

hey there, did you just try to call?

Jul 21, 2021 2:10:41 PM Me

someone with denver area code, but your face didn’t show up on screen

Jul 21, 2021 2:10:48 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes

Jul 21, 2021 2:11:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh, sorry. phone just came back online. battery was dead, died overnight and didn’t realize it until about noon. It just came to life a short while ago.

Jul 21, 2021 2:11:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

let me get my headphones on.

Jul 21, 2021 2:11:58 PM Me

can I call you back?

Jul 21, 2021 2:12:13 PM Me

BTW, are you chopping that whole thing down?

Jul 21, 2021 2:12:15 PM +13038752587

Can we do 215 your time

Jul 21, 2021 2:12:36 PM Me

sure. I may be at the hardware store 😊

Jul 21, 2021 2:12:42 PM Me

I have projects going on too.

Jul 21, 2021 2:12:45 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No - that would be easier- trying to save some of it

Jul 21, 2021 2:16:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

new dart cabinet recycled from old shelves I built for boys rooms when they were little. Shelves sat outside and are weathered/distressed. Going to put a transparent stain on it so weathering comes through. Top rack will hold 24 full sets of darts ( I own about 21-22 sets) In the middle I have shelves and will have storage for flights, stems, parts, etc. I also have a shelf built into it to hold beers. I’ll send before after pics when its all done.

Jul 21, 2021 2:16:59 PM Me

wood is about 12-15 years old

Jul 21, 2021 2:17:16 PM +13038752587

Nice

Jul 21, 2021 2:19:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, now have a TV outside next to the dartboard. Only missing the pub grub now…

Jul 21, 2021 2:43:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

headed to town. will call when I get back.

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Jul 22, 2021 1:24:10 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 32 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Calling in 10M

Jul 22, 2021 1:50:19 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 6 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Need to chat about cheese importer project

Jul 23, 2021 2:52:40 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Whoops 😬 Hit the wrong key Have a great weekend

Jul 23, 2021 2:52:50 PM Me

Phone 📱 hung up for us

Jul 23, 2021 2:52:57 PM Me

You too!

Jul 23, 2021 2:53:12 PM Me

Jul 23, 2021 2:53:16 PM Me

Sanding and finishing

Jul 23, 2021 2:53:44 PM +13038752587

Looking good

Jul 23, 2021 2:53:46 PM Me

Jul 23, 2021 2:59:19 PM Me

Rack is done. Heaviest (l) to lightest (r)

Jul 23, 2021 2:59:26 PM Me

Holds 24 sets

Jul 23, 2021 2:59:26 PM Me

30g down to 14g

Jul 23, 2021 3:48:48 PM (Read by them after 19 minutes, 41 seconds) Me

hey there.

Jul 23, 2021 3:50:10 PM (Read by them after 18 minutes, 19 seconds) Me

here is the plugin you want for any data heavy WordPress website. Makes editing content SO much easier. They charge for each type of spreadsheet, so I pass the cost along to the client and leave it installed. Clients know how to scroll thru and edit spreadsheets and save so the UI helps them, anyhow here is main website:

Jul 23, 2021 3:50:14 PM (Read by them after 18 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

WP Sheet Editor

Jul 23, 2021 3:50:29 PM (Read by them after 18 minutes, 5 seconds) Me

Here is the Woo specific product:

Jul 23, 2021 3:50:30 PM (Read by them after 18 minutes, 5 seconds) Me

WP Sheet Editor

Jul 23, 2021 3:51:23 PM (Read by them after 17 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

Play with the demo to see how it works. They have dummy data:

Jul 23, 2021 3:51:25 PM (Read by them after 17 minutes, 10 seconds) Me

https://demo.wpsheeteditor.com/en-woo/wp-login.php?redirect_to=https%3A%2F%2Fdemo.wpsheeteditor.com%2Fen-woo%2Fwp-admin%2Fadmin.php%3Fpage%3Dvgse-bulk-edit-product%26wpse_id%3D778%26wpse_post&reauth=1

Jul 23, 2021 3:52:06 PM (Read by them after 16 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

you can edit which columns appear/hide, you can sort, you can search. I’ve had nothing but good experiences with it

Jul 23, 2021 4:09:55 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

What is 30g down to 14g?

Jul 23, 2021 4:54:41 PM (Read by them after 15 minutes, 55 seconds) Me

30 grams weight for each dart.

Jul 23, 2021 4:54:49 PM (Read by them after 15 minutes, 47 seconds) Me

down to 14 grams

Jul 24, 2021 9:22:18 AM +13038752587

Tha nks for the 411 on woo And 🎯

Jul 26, 2021 11:06:02 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Have a training I’m doing that will cut into our time. Can you do 2pm your time?

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Jul 26, 2021 11:32:25 AM Me

Can do

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Jul 26, 2021 3:11:08 PM (Read by you after 19 hours, 2 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call in 10m - getting girls set up to play

Jul 27, 2021 1:15:23 PM Me

Do u need more time today?

Jul 27, 2021 1:50:34 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - sitting in construction 🚧 traffic - how's about 2 ish your time

Jul 27, 2021 1:53:33 PM Me

Should be ok. Have lots to do today so can’t talk long

Jul 27, 2021 3:07:19 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Today turned into chaos- checking in and pool and grandpa

Jul 27, 2021 3:07:32 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s plan for tomorrow

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Jul 28, 2021 4:16:27 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Hey cuz, bike ride with kids took longer than expected.

Jul 28, 2021 4:17:34 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

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Liked by Me

Jul 28, 2021 4:18:01 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

How goes your day?

Jul 28, 2021 4:18:51 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Btw. Issues with site appears to be the Gutenberg plugin. Need to uninstall it

Jul 30, 2021 9:39:04 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning ☀️

Jul 30, 2021 9:39:29 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you a user account to website Check your Gmail

Jul 30, 2021 11:16:19 AM Me

hey there. I checked gmail but dont see anything. checked personal and work

Jul 30, 2021 11:17:29 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

One should come from Wordpress

Jul 30, 2021 11:24:47 AM (Read by them after 34 minutes, 42 seconds) Me

to bert.mahoney@gmail.com??

Jul 30, 2021 3:38:46 PM (Read by them after 25 minutes, 50 seconds) Me

hey there, I got the email. Logged in and can see everything

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Jul 30, 2021 4:05:19 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

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Liked by Me

Jul 30, 2021 4:56:25 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 50 seconds) Me

Can I begin to make changes to Tree’s site?

Jul 30, 2021 4:56:49 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

r u tied to anything?

Jul 30, 2021 6:17:18 PM +13038752587

Not tied to anything

Jul 30, 2021 6:17:36 PM +13038752587

I have four images for main content

Aug 01, 2021 5:38:16 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: Screenshot 2021-08-01 at 4.31.27 PM.png.jpeg

105 in shade on my deck now

Aug 01, 2021 5:40:47 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 15 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Nice cool day

Aug 01, 2021 5:41:00 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 14 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

That is 🥵

Aug 02, 2021 10:59:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you good to talk today?

Aug 02, 2021 11:01:31 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

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Aug 02, 2021 1:04:28 PM +13038752587

Calling in 10m

Aug 02, 2021 4:05:01 PM +13038752587

Hold off on Trees site - redesigned main page - going for a elegant, clean, and direct approach. I should have general layout done by tomorrow night.

Aug 03, 2021 2:19:22 AM Me

Twitter

Aug 03, 2021 2:19:22 AM Me

Any idea if true? What’s behind this?

Aug 03, 2021 7:39:48 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 48 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Could be. Worth researching

Aug 03, 2021 1:21:27 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

I can call in 10m

Aug 03, 2021 1:49:41 PM Me

been dealing with work emergency

Aug 03, 2021 1:49:56 PM Me

I’ll call in about an hour if that works for you

Aug 03, 2021 1:50:08 PM +13038752587

Yes that will work

Aug 03, 2021 4:48:19 PM Me

Hey there, got caught up in things/errands. I can call in a few if you can do it. I know its around dinner time there. Lmk

Aug 03, 2021 4:52:21 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Can talk for a bit

Aug 03, 2021 5:35:07 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Dinner time

Aug 04, 2021 1:14:13 PM +13038752587

Are you ready

Aug 04, 2021 1:14:38 PM Me

Sure

Aug 05, 2021 12:01:59 PM Me

Hey not feeling well today. Can we talk tomorrow?

Aug 05, 2021 12:05:33 PM +13038752587

Yes - feel better

Aug 07, 2021 11:30:16 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 10 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Are you feeling better?

Aug 07, 2021 1:45:52 PM Me

Yes, thanks

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Aug 09, 2021 2:55:09 PM (Read by you after 19 hours, 55 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

How goes your day

Aug 10, 2021 9:39:53 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes) +13038752587

Are we on for today?

Aug 10, 2021 10:50:57 AM Me

Yes

Aug 10, 2021 12:33:01 PM Me

Actually flip that

Aug 10, 2021 12:57:55 PM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

So no go today?

Aug 10, 2021 1:52:52 PM Me

unfortunately no. playing catchup on a project. I was about to dive in deep and Declan woke up and reminded me there was no food in the house. Just got back from market and NOW digging into what I need to finish and post a working example by the end of afternoon.

Aug 10, 2021 1:52:55 PM Me

I’m on for tomorrow

Aug 10, 2021 1:53:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also, any updates on Tree’s website?

Aug 10, 2021 1:53:36 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Aug 10, 2021 1:53:54 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll update on Trees site tonight

Aug 10, 2021 1:54:11 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Need help with custom header

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Aug 10, 2021 1:58:14 PM Me

just let me know what you need

Aug 10, 2021 1:58:37 PM Me

trying to solve woo commerce plugin conflicts with other 3rd party tools

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Aug 10, 2021 1:59:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What plugins?

Aug 10, 2021 1:59:24 PM Me

LearnPress

Aug 10, 2021 2:00:20 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Good luck. You said they were good. How’s the support community for them

Aug 10, 2021 5:51:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so so

Aug 10, 2021 5:51:56 PM Me

I think they’re under new ownership

Aug 10, 2021 5:52:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Aug 10, 2021 6:43:07 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Haha

Aug 10, 2021 8:14:35 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Sent email to gmail about Tree s site

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Aug 10, 2021 8:30:38 PM Me

Aug 10, 2021 8:31:21 PM Me

Convenient store in NY…

Aug 10, 2021 8:31:28 PM Me

Aug 10, 2021 8:33:10 PM Me

“No titty or shoe 👞 money 💴” Think that was one of Uncle Nicks rules for making bets if I’m not mistaken 😝

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Loved by +13038752587

Aug 10, 2021 8:35:03 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Were you surprised about Cuomo?

Aug 10, 2021 8:50:30 PM Me

Yes and no

Aug 10, 2021 8:51:34 PM Me

Loved his line about “I’ve done this all my life, you moved the lines…” or some shit like that 🤦‍♂️

Aug 10, 2021 8:52:43 PM Me

Not surprised about pressure from inside/outside NY, but surprised he actually resigned.

Aug 10, 2021 8:53:25 PM Me

Why do Dems always resign, and Republicans given a pass?

Aug 10, 2021 8:53:40 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 24 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Good question

Aug 10, 2021 8:55:36 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 22 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I always wonder what’s happening behind closed doors. - I thought he would stand strong against the charges- sounds like NY is cleaning house. Will the chatges against Trump stick?

Aug 11, 2021 12:17:45 PM Me

Twitter

Aug 11, 2021 1:07:59 PM +13038752587

Gallagher

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Liked by Me

Aug 12, 2021 1:18:43 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Can you talk at 2

Aug 12, 2021 1:19:01 PM +13038752587

1 your time

Aug 12, 2021 1:21:44 PM Me

yes

Aug 12, 2021 2:05:59 PM Me

Tried calling back

Aug 12, 2021 2:18:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

something must have come up or I have the time wrong 😊

Aug 12, 2021 2:32:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey I’m here. had my other headphones on testing something

Aug 12, 2021 2:32:34 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll all in 2m

Aug 12, 2021 2:32:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Aug 16, 2021 1:06:34 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 16, 2021 1:06:39 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Ready?

Aug 16, 2021 1:30:14 PM Me

Yes

Aug 16, 2021 1:30:22 PM Me

Just saw this

Aug 18, 2021 10:37:50 AM Me

hey there, do you have the bora bora logo as an SVG?

Aug 18, 2021 10:38:03 AM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe

Aug 18, 2021 10:38:45 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

In the middle of dryer repair/ I’ll check in a bit

Aug 18, 2021 10:38:56 AM Me

no worries, whenever you can

Aug 18, 2021 10:57:37 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I don’t - jpg pdf gif formats

Aug 18, 2021 10:57:57 AM Me

PDF might convert to AI

Aug 18, 2021 10:58:06 AM Me

Illustrator

Aug 18, 2021 10:58:22 AM +13038752587

Sending file

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Liked by Me

Aug 18, 2021 10:58:25 AM Me

Need it in line art, not pixels

Aug 18, 2021 1:05:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there. checking in. letting you know I failed to watch/listen to the vids, but have been meditating and hiking.

Aug 18, 2021 1:17:49 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Aug 18, 2021 1:17:56 PM +13038752587

I’ll call in 10m

Aug 18, 2021 1:17:59 PM Me

k

Aug 18, 2021 2:40:07 PM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?i=1000532198417

Aug 18, 2021 2:40:08 PM Me

Here it is. Fascinating listening

Aug 18, 2021 3:29:23 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you an email- go read it

Aug 19, 2021 12:45:51 PM Me

Hey running errand. Will call when back

Aug 19, 2021 12:46:22 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Aug 19, 2021 4:27:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there

Aug 19, 2021 4:28:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

too late to connect?

Aug 19, 2021 4:28:07 PM Me

back from school pickups

Aug 19, 2021 4:30:58 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Let me see when dinner is?

Aug 19, 2021 4:31:03 PM Me

k

Aug 19, 2021 4:45:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

bet its dinner now

Aug 20, 2021 12:55:35 PM Me

making toast and getting dogs ready to go walking.

Aug 20, 2021 1:30:22 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you in 5m

Aug 21, 2021 2:31:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Aug 21, 2021 2:31:31 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

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Aug 22, 2021 4:46:42 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Aug 22, 2021 4:47:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

epic venn diagram of the day

Aug 22, 2021 4:48:36 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

:-)

Aug 23, 2021 1:16:11 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Ready

Aug 23, 2021 1:17:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Aug 23, 2021 11:12:41 PM Me

Some days I’m so done. Just ready to check out 💀 or get beamed up. 🛸

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Aug 24, 2021 11:56:26 AM Me

Just found out about 15 mins ago ☹️ Glad I got to see them play live

Aug 24, 2021 11:56:28 AM Me

Twitter

Aug 24, 2021 11:57:36 AM Me

Twitter

Aug 24, 2021 11:57:50 AM Me

Twitter

Aug 24, 2021 1:24:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there. you got things going on? If you do, that’s cool. I have lots keeping me busy today. Pushing myself to focus on getting work/things done rather than putter around thinking I’m doing things, but essentially rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic—fruitless any way you look at it. LMK

Aug 24, 2021 2:22:17 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 50 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Meeting went long

Aug 24, 2021 2:22:28 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 50 minutes) +13038752587

I can call you in 10

Aug 24, 2021 3:06:30 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 5 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s chat at some time today

Aug 24, 2021 5:13:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, been slightly busy, and then trying to take care of myself. About to go do some stair master ( running is too hard on the disc degeneration on L4/L5 )

Aug 24, 2021 5:14:03 PM Me

Can I call you when I’m done huffing/puffing?

Aug 24, 2021 5:14:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes - text first in case dinner or kids

Aug 24, 2021 5:15:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, sounds good

Aug 24, 2021 6:17:27 PM Me

Ping

Aug 24, 2021 6:54:23 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Dinner late and Willow ate a mouth full of salt and then got sick 😝

Aug 24, 2021 6:58:49 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

What time are you awake until

Aug 24, 2021 6:59:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not sure.

Aug 24, 2021 7:24:25 PM Me

Incredibly hard evening here

Aug 24, 2021 7:31:53 PM (Read by you after 29 seconds) +13038752587

Relax - breathe- sleep

Aug 24, 2021 7:32:11 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

We will talk tomorrow can you do 11 your time?

Aug 24, 2021 7:32:29 PM Me

Sure.

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Aug 24, 2021 7:33:33 PM +13038752587

Aug 24, 2021 7:33:34 PM Me

It’s far more complicated than you know. You said something to me yesterday and I nearly LOLd when you said it

Aug 24, 2021 7:34:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The garden- remind me tomorrow about the planting of a garden downloadable

Aug 24, 2021 7:34:21 PM +13038752587

*download

Aug 24, 2021 7:34:48 PM +13038752587

What did I say

Aug 24, 2021 7:34:51 PM +13038752587

?

Aug 24, 2021 7:36:04 PM Me

It’s was about when I shared Lizs comment with you. You said something like, “she’s your friend, lover, confidant, etc”

Aug 24, 2021 7:39:51 PM Me

Been sleeping on the couch for 2 months.

Aug 24, 2021 7:40:09 PM Me

Tonight is opening of school party and Liz went alone

Aug 24, 2021 7:40:28 PM Me

I can’t go face people and lie to them.

Aug 24, 2021 7:40:40 PM Me

“How are you?”

Aug 24, 2021 7:41:53 PM Me

Well, I’m severely depressed, lost my job, and my marriage is falling apart, but hey I got a smile on my face and life is fucking FANTASTIC! 😝

Aug 24, 2021 7:42:51 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Good on you not to want to lie about life

Aug 24, 2021 7:43:34 PM Me

Just more stress and anxiety

Aug 24, 2021 7:44:03 PM Me

Been killing me mentally over the decision to go or not

Aug 24, 2021 7:45:06 PM Me

Plus I had my father on my ass today about traveling there for Christmas.

Aug 24, 2021 7:46:10 PM Me

We would leave Sallie here alone for the holidays. She’s not very mobile. Anyhow, his retort was, “well that must mean you can’t go to Ironman”

Aug 24, 2021 7:46:16 PM +13038752587

You could always say It’s been a tough year and leave it at that- truth without the details

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Emphasized by Me

Aug 24, 2021 7:46:30 PM Me

Total passive aggressive shit.

Aug 24, 2021 7:46:36 PM +13038752587

Indeed

Aug 24, 2021 7:46:48 PM Me

He and my mom know nothing of my situation

Aug 24, 2021 7:47:06 PM Me

My brother knows about the depression but that’s it

Aug 24, 2021 7:47:28 PM Me

You now know more than anyone but me.

Aug 24, 2021 7:47:56 PM Me

Good point.

Aug 24, 2021 7:48:01 PM +13038752587

🤩😞from Lilly

Aug 24, 2021 7:48:13 PM Me

That’s why I struggled with decision not to go to party

Aug 24, 2021 7:48:15 PM +13038752587

Can you still join the party?

Aug 24, 2021 7:48:24 PM Me

Am I just pissing Liz off more?

Aug 24, 2021 7:48:31 PM +13038752587

Is it on compass

Aug 24, 2021 7:48:35 PM Me

Yes

Aug 24, 2021 7:48:44 PM Me

Head of schools house

Aug 24, 2021 7:49:15 PM +13038752587

Do you feel it’s important to go for you and to support Liz

Aug 24, 2021 7:51:35 PM Me

Only reason to go is they introduce all the new people, faculty.

Aug 24, 2021 7:52:00 PM Me

Im already a satellite around here. I don’t matter

Aug 24, 2021 7:52:25 PM Me

My absence will go unnoticed

Aug 24, 2021 7:53:24 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Interesting words you chose

Aug 24, 2021 7:53:49 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

My question was not about other people

Aug 24, 2021 7:53:57 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

It was about you and Liz

Aug 24, 2021 7:54:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Is it important to you? Is it important to Liz that you go?

Aug 24, 2021 7:56:19 PM Me

Not important to me

Aug 24, 2021 7:57:32 PM Me

I would guess/wager that it’s not important to Liz that I go. She never asked me if I was going, and only said hi to me before leaving to go.

Aug 24, 2021 7:58:09 PM Me

In fact she’s only said the words hi and bye to me over the past 3 days

Aug 24, 2021 7:59:18 PM Me

Anytime I open my mouth I usually put my foot in

Aug 24, 2021 7:59:50 PM Me

Every day is like walking on eggshells

Aug 24, 2021 7:59:52 PM Me

Sucks

Aug 24, 2021 8:00:36 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

When did the event start

Aug 24, 2021 8:02:14 PM Me

6 or 6:30

Aug 24, 2021 8:03:35 PM Me

I know what’s happening… new people stand up on stage while the head of school introduces them to the community at large. What they teach, coach, and advise students

Aug 24, 2021 8:04:04 PM Me

That will take a while, while everyone sips cocktails 🍸

Aug 24, 2021 8:04:59 PM Me

Then when intros are done they serve dinner and there are tables all over the HOS’ yard. Ppl sit, eat and talk.

Aug 24, 2021 8:05:17 PM Me

Then ppl trickle off and head home

Aug 24, 2021 8:06:20 PM (Read by you after 55 seconds) +13038752587

Drinks and dinner- sounds good

Aug 24, 2021 8:06:59 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

If you go now you you’ll arrive just before dinner - perfect timing

Aug 24, 2021 8:08:45 PM +13038752587

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Aug 24, 2021 8:14:44 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

I have to out Lilly to bed

Aug 24, 2021 8:15:03 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t think too much about going

Aug 24, 2021 8:15:24 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

If it feels right go Heart centered

Aug 24, 2021 8:15:36 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

If not, don’t

Aug 24, 2021 8:15:58 PM +13038752587

Sending you love either way

Aug 24, 2021 8:16:08 PM +13038752587

You do matter

Aug 24, 2021 8:17:30 PM Me

One thing I always persevere to be is authentic. I’m terrible at faking it, or lying, and I’m not great at poker, go figure.

Aug 24, 2021 8:17:53 PM Me

I can’t go over there and be true to me, and be open hearted

Aug 24, 2021 8:19:54 PM Me

Thanks for reminding me about the heart

Aug 24, 2021 8:20:41 PM Me

The book I read is ALL about that. I HIGHLY recommend it.

Aug 24, 2021 8:20:48 PM Me

I'm listening to Heart Minded by Sarah Blondin, narrated by Sarah Blondin on my Audible app. Try Audible and get it here: https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=1683643453&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006

Aug 24, 2021 8:26:39 PM Me

I’ve lived my entire life in my head. When young I hid my heart far, far away because of the constant fear of punishment (verbal and/or physical) at the hands of my father. Loving kindness was not modeled for me as a child, tween, teen, young adult. Instead I lived in a heightened state of alarm, 24/7 - or at least while my father was at home.

Aug 24, 2021 8:28:17 PM Me

The only respite was when he was at work, out, or I was visiting you in geyser crest ( the reason I LOVED going there ) Your mom didn’t put up with my dads shit, and I felt safer around her. My mom, god bless her, was under similar tyranny from my father. And while she did fight back (woken up dozens of times to late night fights,screaming, breaking dishes, etc) he ultimately had the upper hand.

Aug 24, 2021 8:31:53 PM Me

I’ve gone back through my mind and have unpacked nearly all of my shit. The challenge is, some wounds are VERY deep and it takes more than one or two visits with the pain to be able to sit with it and not fall apart

Aug 24, 2021 8:32:36 PM Me

K need to walk dogs before total darkness here

Aug 25, 2021 10:08:10 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Courageous, Determined, Strong, Persistent

Aug 25, 2021 10:11:19 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

A few words that come to mind when I think about the journey you have embarked on. To seek out the chains from the past holding you from growing and hammering away on them until they break. The hammer 🔨 of course is love ❤️, forgiveness, acceptance and appreciation.

Aug 25, 2021 10:11:30 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Watch this

Aug 25, 2021 10:11:32 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/one-tip-to-radically-improve-your-life

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Aug 25, 2021 10:11:46 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

NOW

Aug 25, 2021 10:12:12 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you at 11 your time

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Aug 25, 2021 8:37:11 PM Me

My patience with this life, the amount of mental suffering I’ve endured thus far and continue to endure, is running out. I’ve been working on me legit for 15+ years and it feels like going backwards. No matter what I do or where I go, there I am. There is no payoff, no winners medal, no one waiting with a big hug to celebrate when I finally break thru. The more I think about it there is no payoff, there is no there there. Mindset, state of mind, whatever you want to call it is perhaps something unsustainable for me. Not all people can do all things.

Aug 25, 2021 8:38:03 PM Me

Maybe I was put on this Earth to suffer hard in this life. Be given a great life that you cannot enjoy

Aug 25, 2021 8:38:44 PM Me

Paying back for something I did in a previous incarnation

Aug 25, 2021 8:39:34 PM Me

It’s honestly excruciating to know all I have yet derive no enjoyment

Aug 25, 2021 8:40:30 PM Me

Been in the pit a long, long time. It’a terribly hard to climb out

Aug 25, 2021 8:47:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Perhaps and perhaps not

Aug 25, 2021 8:49:37 PM +13038752587

I am putting Lilly to bed. I have some thoughts 💭 on what your talking about. If she goes to sleep quickly I’ll text back tonight. If not I’ll text in the morning.

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Aug 25, 2021 11:13:09 PM Me

OpenSea

Aug 25, 2021 11:13:09 PM Me

This is an NFT collection from Pablo Stanley, a designer I’ve followed for a while. Cool concept. Algorithmically created from parts, unique

Aug 25, 2021 11:16:40 PM Me

Aug 26, 2021 9:33:17 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

It s another beautiful day

Aug 26, 2021 9:33:22 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning ☀️

Aug 26, 2021 9:33:40 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Wow we need to talk about NFT

Aug 26, 2021 9:34:40 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

The reward for you is not an external thing although there will most certainly be signs of it everywhere

Aug 26, 2021 9:35:03 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

On call with Europe- talk with you in a few hours

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Aug 26, 2021 5:50:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Lets connect tomorrow. In the meantime… Part 1

Aug 26, 2021 5:50:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Aug 26, 2021 5:50:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

part 2

Aug 26, 2021 5:50:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Aug 26, 2021 7:57:29 PM Me

Hey all ok? Weird to not hear back from you

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Aug 26, 2021 9:57:58 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Solo parent this weekend

Aug 26, 2021 9:58:09 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Talk with you tomorrow

Aug 26, 2021 10:21:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ah, ok. No worries. Believe me I’ve been there. When they were 1, 4, and 7 I was left with them all for a week

Aug 26, 2021 10:21:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I did manage to survive, but it tested me 😊

Aug 26, 2021 10:23:52 PM Me

Then again when Liz went to Japan and China for a month during the summer about 5 years back— so 9, 12, 15. A little easier, but doing all the cooking and cleaning for a month, for all of them, plus working full time was a challenge I’ll admit

Aug 26, 2021 10:24:22 PM Me

So believe me when I say, I FEEL YOU. 😊

Aug 26, 2021 10:24:25 PM Me

You got this.

Aug 27, 2021 12:08:25 PM Me

Can we connect @ 2pm PST? in the middle of something that will take me up to Declan’s pickup at school

Aug 27, 2021 12:08:36 PM Me

Or anytime thereafter

Aug 27, 2021 12:08:45 PM Me

know you’re flying solo

Aug 27, 2021 12:09:32 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe 2:30

Aug 27, 2021 12:09:46 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I pick Willow up at 2pst

Aug 27, 2021 12:10:04 PM Me

k, whenever you’re back and settled

Aug 27, 2021 8:01:14 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Time with meme went late / getting Lilly ready for bed.

Aug 27, 2021 8:01:36 PM Me

no worries. everyone is home. not a good time to talk freely anyhow 😊

Aug 27, 2021 8:01:49 PM Me

tomorrow I’m around. doing nothing special.

Aug 27, 2021 8:01:57 PM Me

ping me if you have a pocket of time

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Aug 27, 2021 8:02:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, I’ll have tree’s navigation dialed in later tonight.

Aug 27, 2021 8:02:46 PM Me

For some reason feeling it tonight with the mouse in hand.

Aug 27, 2021 8:02:51 PM Me

Rare, like an eclipse

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Aug 27, 2021 8:03:12 PM Me

😁

Aug 28, 2021 2:59:53 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Copyblogger

Aug 28, 2021 3:00:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://rally.io/

Aug 30, 2021 10:33:01 AM Me

Hope weekend went well! We on today?

Aug 30, 2021 10:33:35 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 58 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

It did - we are

Aug 30, 2021 1:17:56 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Just called

Aug 30, 2021 1:32:39 PM Me

Hey. Will call in a few. Was stretching neck. Have hard headache

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Aug 30, 2021 5:24:21 PM Me

Here is the talk by Andrew Solomon that I’ve watched and listened to many times.

Aug 30, 2021 5:24:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Aug 30, 2021 5:24:57 PM Me

And another talk he gave 6 months later:

Aug 30, 2021 5:25:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Aug 30, 2021 5:28:43 PM Me

"We cannot bear a pointless torment : but we can endure great pain if we believe that it's purposeful."

Aug 30, 2021 5:29:44 PM Me

" If I succeed in sheltering them from adversity I will have failed as a parent."

Aug 30, 2021 5:31:09 PM Me

If you can, be sure to not be distracted while watching. VERY powerful stuff

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Aug 31, 2021 1:01:16 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call at 12:15

Aug 31, 2021 1:09:07 PM Me

K

Aug 31, 2021 3:00:41 PM Me

here is the specific “social” flavor I talked about:

Aug 31, 2021 3:00:43 PM Me

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia#Social_anhedonia

Aug 31, 2021 5:46:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

send me the edits. I have the PDF

Aug 31, 2021 7:05:14 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Will do latter

Aug 31, 2021 7:05:20 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Later

Aug 31, 2021 7:26:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Aug 31, 2021 7:31:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

came across something today that reminded me of homey the clown… enjoy!

Aug 31, 2021 7:31:31 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 01, 2021 12:47:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, about to do school pickups and then busy all afternoon. let me know what your schedule is like.

Sep 01, 2021 12:59:02 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes) +13038752587

School pickups early today?

Sep 01, 2021 1:00:17 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

I am available at 12:15 or 1:30 your time

Sep 01, 2021 1:00:42 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get pdf edit file?

Sep 01, 2021 1:15:06 PM Me

Yes

Sep 01, 2021 1:21:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Do either times work for you?

Sep 01, 2021 2:49:58 PM Me

whoops, guess I just answered your question 😊

Sep 01, 2021 2:50:11 PM Me

Just replied to your ?’s about resources—intl project

Sep 01, 2021 2:50:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Will get Tree’s one sheet done today too

Sep 02, 2021 3:00:49 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Started doing layout and realized I should run it by you before I go thru the whole thing. I think less image is more image. They’re more likely to hit me harder. Let me know what you think

Sep 02, 2021 9:11:48 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 9 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll share with Tree and get back to you

Sep 02, 2021 9:12:14 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 9 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Tree found a new site she like the layout of …

Sep 02, 2021 9:12:15 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 9 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

https://beyondtravelexplorations.com/

Sep 02, 2021 9:56:00 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Tree likes your design

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Sep 02, 2021 12:59:24 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Can we push call until 1 your time

Sep 02, 2021 1:09:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sure. I’m working on something so works for me.

Sep 02, 2021 1:56:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

need about 10-15

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Sep 03, 2021 10:31:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Sep 03, 2021 10:43:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have school pickup @ 1:15pm, but otherwise here working. Planning on getting through the flyer for Tricia today. Also before I do anything on the website I just want to make sure I’m doing what’s needed—we can talk about it.

Sep 03, 2021 10:44:02 AM Me

Let me know what you’re day looks like

Sep 03, 2021 10:45:14 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I’m meeting with Tree at 11 about website

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Sep 03, 2021 11:35:19 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Can you jump on a call with me and Tree

Sep 05, 2021 5:05:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

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Sep 05, 2021 6:10:13 PM (Read by them after 8 minutes, 34 seconds) Me

Click to download v-02-WIP.pdf (1008.87 KB)

Sep 05, 2021 6:11:08 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 39 seconds) Me

I got thru items 1-7. Still need to do the last pages, but its moving. I ran text through grammary. There is still some passive voice in there, and I haven’t put the logo and ‘pink’ in yet. Work - in - progress

Sep 05, 2021 6:11:48 PM (Read by them after 6 minutes, 59 seconds) Me

Also, before I start re-doing website just want to confirm to push ahead making it look like this:

Sep 05, 2021 6:11:49 PM (Read by them after 6 minutes, 59 seconds) Me

https://beyondtravelexplorations.com/

Sep 05, 2021 6:20:05 PM +13038752587

Let’s chat tomorrow about website. I started doing general layout for home page already

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Sep 05, 2021 6:20:16 PM Me

This twitter thread is worth a scroll through:

Sep 05, 2021 6:20:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Sep 05, 2021 6:20:45 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

What does your morning look like?

Sep 05, 2021 6:23:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a tentative 10am but otherwise open

Sep 05, 2021 6:23:58 PM Me

I’ll confirm 10am tomorrow

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Sep 06, 2021 10:24:56 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

hey there, no meeting @10am, but taking the dog for a walk right now. I’ll ping when I’m back @ computer

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Sep 06, 2021 11:38:46 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

I have a narrow window avail now until 11:30 your time

Sep 06, 2021 11:44:44 AM Me

Making my way back to computer. Tough morning so far

Sep 06, 2021 11:55:36 AM Me

In the house

Sep 07, 2021 10:23:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hi there, I have the PDF done. Had it done last night, but need to clean up a few things. So it will be your way in a few hours. Later today I’ll have time to work on the website. Have a few A+L things I’m doing, and of course trying to practice some kind of self care instead of being anxious and stressed all day

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Sep 07, 2021 12:04:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://thechoiceisyours.whatisthematrix.com/

Sep 07, 2021 12:05:16 PM Me

and for a good laugh…. Join the herd! Say Nay to the FDA today!

Sep 07, 2021 12:05:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Sep 07, 2021 1:15:38 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Sucked into woo

Sep 07, 2021 1:15:50 PM +13038752587

Can you talk at 1 your time

Sep 07, 2021 1:15:57 PM Me

yes

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Sep 07, 2021 8:28:10 PM Me

Hey there. Sent u the PDF. Cleaned it up more. URL is a link to her website Button links to calendly from inside the PDF

Sep 07, 2021 8:28:29 PM Me

Let me know what you think

Sep 07, 2021 8:33:46 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Looks great - send it off to Tree’s

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Sep 07, 2021 8:37:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you can appreciate this I’m sure:

Sep 07, 2021 8:37:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

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Sep 07, 2021 8:49:04 PM Me

in a tangential way somewhat reflective of your life 😊

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Sep 08, 2021 6:56:03 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/stop-being-manipulated-how-to-break-free

Sep 08, 2021 6:56:13 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Good message today

Sep 08, 2021 1:08:41 PM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

Just called

Sep 08, 2021 1:08:52 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

It’s 1208 your time

Sep 08, 2021 1:09:41 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll send a series of messages to get your attention if your phone 📞 is on silent

Sep 08, 2021 1:09:46 PM Me

oh, didn’t hear phone

Sep 08, 2021 1:09:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one sec

Sep 08, 2021 1:09:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That was fast 💨

Sep 08, 2021 1:10:01 PM Me

have to click send on something

Sep 08, 2021 1:10:19 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

I was about to send 10 non sensical messages 🤪

Sep 08, 2021 1:10:38 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Call when you r ready

Sep 08, 2021 1:17:00 PM Me

k

Sep 08, 2021 1:20:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

calling

Sep 09, 2021 12:59:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there. I

Sep 09, 2021 12:59:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve got a hard core headache today.

Sep 09, 2021 12:59:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hey

Sep 09, 2021 1:00:12 PM Me

not feeling too good. can you talk a little later today? Hoping my head isn’t pounding by then

Sep 09, 2021 1:00:35 PM Me

Let me know what time(s) work

Sep 09, 2021 1:00:45 PM (Read by you after 53 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Sep 09, 2021 1:27:10 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

What time do you get back from school pickup?

Sep 09, 2021 2:02:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

pu is @ 3:45pm, with stop at store on way back likely 4:30pm

Sep 09, 2021 2:07:28 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

That will be too late - dinner time here

Sep 09, 2021 2:07:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been a tough day mentally. Hard/impossible to focus for very long with tension headache.

Sep 09, 2021 2:08:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.aans.org/

Sep 09, 2021 2:12:47 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Hot tub 🛀, heat pad or hammer 🔨 to the toe

Sep 09, 2021 2:13:13 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Or the red and blue pill together

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Sep 09, 2021 2:21:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

used a roller on my neck

Sep 09, 2021 2:36:13 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 29 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want to chat 💬 I’m going for a walk now

Sep 10, 2021 1:04:29 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Going to jump on zoom with Tree for about 45 - do you want to join us?

Sep 10, 2021 1:05:50 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Header looks good

Sep 10, 2021 1:22:48 PM Me

School pickups 🛻

Sep 10, 2021 1:23:01 PM +13038752587

Early today

Sep 10, 2021 1:25:52 PM Me

Yes. Also will have footer scaffolding done this afternoon. So if u have logos for “as seen on/in” send them over

Sep 10, 2021 2:23:44 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Text when you are home

Sep 14, 2021 2:52:10 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Hola 👋

Sep 14, 2021 2:52:29 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Bon Jour

Sep 14, 2021 2:52:48 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Hi 😅

Sep 14, 2021 2:52:54 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Sep 14, 2021 3:23:45 PM Me

Hi, doing pickups and voting

Sep 14, 2021 3:23:56 PM Me

Can u talk later this afternoon?

Sep 14, 2021 3:39:03 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 38 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe

Sep 14, 2021 3:39:19 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 38 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Does he stay or go?

Sep 14, 2021 5:17:54 PM Me

Think he stays

Sep 14, 2021 5:18:21 PM Me

4 out of 5 in my family can vote. We all said no

Sep 14, 2021 5:18:35 PM Me

Declan voted for first time

Sep 14, 2021 5:18:44 PM Me

Aidan turns 21 tomorrow

Sep 14, 2021 5:19:57 PM +13038752587

Wow 21

Sep 14, 2021 5:21:02 PM Me

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Exactly.

Sep 14, 2021 5:32:47 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Sounded like he would stay when I listened to NPR

Sep 15, 2021 12:04:47 PM Me

I should be good for noon today

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Sep 15, 2021 1:05:54 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call in 10m

Sep 15, 2021 1:13:44 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Just called

Sep 15, 2021 1:14:55 PM Me

Hey ther

Sep 15, 2021 1:15:05 PM Me

Call u in a couple

Sep 15, 2021 1:15:13 PM +13038752587

K

Sep 15, 2021 7:11:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey here is before and after. Colors and fine tuning isn’t final, but scaffolding is in place. Login and have a look too

Sep 15, 2021 7:12:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 15, 2021 7:12:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

After

Sep 15, 2021 7:12:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

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Sep 15, 2021 7:13:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also you need to figure out what nav items you want in each column. I have the menus setup under “appearance/menus”

Sep 15, 2021 7:13:49 PM Me

they’re clearly labeled, it will make sense

Sep 16, 2021 10:04:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, I have your PDF email — the edits. I’ll bust those out today and get them back to you. Also should have time to start dialing in details on webpage.

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Sep 16, 2021 1:42:45 PM Me

Hey just emailed you updated PDF. notes in the email.

Sep 16, 2021 1:43:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Installed Bloom plugin on website. Its an opt-in plugin for managing email address collection

Sep 16, 2021 2:43:13 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I’ll call at 2 your time

Sep 16, 2021 2:59:59 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Sep 16, 2021 3:00:02 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

😁

Sep 16, 2021 3:00:08 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

🤩

Sep 16, 2021 3:00:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

see u calling one sec

Sep 16, 2021 3:00:25 PM Me

have to get headphones

Sep 17, 2021 12:14:55 PM Me

hey there, I have pickups early today right in the middle of when we would talk. what’s your afternoon look like?

Sep 17, 2021 12:40:22 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

I can talk around 12:15 for 30m

Sep 17, 2021 12:42:06 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Or after 2pm

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Sep 17, 2021 12:42:10 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Your time

Sep 17, 2021 3:05:02 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Remind me of your address

Sep 17, 2021 3:06:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

5025 Thacher Road Ojai, CA 93023

Sep 17, 2021 3:47:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 56 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

You available to talk?

Sep 18, 2021 1:21:45 PM Me

Sorry I missed you yesterday

Sep 20, 2021 1:17:17 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Can you push until 1 your time?

Sep 20, 2021 1:17:26 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Sent final pdf edits

Sep 20, 2021 1:18:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok. I can talk @ 1. Need to jump @ 1:30 for school pickups

Sep 20, 2021 1:18:35 PM Me

Just me and Declan this week. Liz and Darragh camping. Aidan in Goleta working all week.

Sep 20, 2021 1:18:57 PM Me

I begin the transition to no children… :-\

Sep 20, 2021 1:54:26 PM Me

great blue eyed eel images here:

Sep 20, 2021 1:54:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mookie Crew

Sep 20, 2021 2:01:20 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Phone 📞

Sep 20, 2021 2:01:25 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Call ☎️

Sep 20, 2021 2:01:47 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

🕰

Sep 20, 2021 2:13:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one sec, calling you

Sep 20, 2021 8:29:40 PM Me

Hey, quick question. Is the logo TIED to pink? Could the color change?

Sep 20, 2021 8:30:21 PM Me

I love the icon, but I’m thinking that looking at other colors would help

Sep 20, 2021 8:31:20 PM Me

And if we’re looking at typography, is the current logo typeface locked?

Sep 20, 2021 8:32:02 PM Me

Not sure if things are out in the world already, or biz cards printed etc Let me know. I’ll work within limits

Sep 20, 2021 8:32:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Play with both color and typeface

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Sep 20, 2021 8:40:02 PM Me

Will send updates later tonight.

Sep 21, 2021 1:58:45 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

The day is slipping away

Sep 21, 2021 1:58:56 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Just gave you a call

Sep 21, 2021 2:14:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey yo

Sep 21, 2021 2:14:58 PM Me

I’m here. been staring @ fonts

Sep 21, 2021 7:10:52 PM (Read by them after 10 hours, 10 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

PDF sent

Sep 21, 2021 7:10:55 PM (Read by them after 10 hours, 10 minutes, 18 seconds) Me

check email

Sep 21, 2021 7:11:06 PM (Read by them after 10 hours, 10 minutes, 7 seconds) Me

also look what came by after we talked…

Sep 21, 2021 7:11:10 PM (Read by them after 10 hours, 10 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

Medium

Sep 21, 2021 9:18:40 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 21, 2021 9:23:39 PM Me

Also in light of our conversation today. This is various recordings of talks given by the philosopher Alan Watts. His mid 20th century insights I find so prescient in living today.

Sep 21, 2021 9:26:13 PM Me

I discovered him in the middle of last year during COVID

Sep 22, 2021 12:51:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Headlines:

Sep 22, 2021 12:52:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Google Fonts

Sep 22, 2021 12:52:06 PM Me

Montserrat

Sep 22, 2021 12:52:42 PM Me

body text, Lora:

Sep 22, 2021 12:52:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Google Fonts

Sep 22, 2021 1:24:41 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Call time

Sep 22, 2021 3:28:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sorry to miss you. cranking through tasks. have lots to do and Liz comes back tomorrow 😬 Did manage to take 4 molds of my teeth and get it sent out to Tennesee to start my teeth realignment 🦷

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Sep 23, 2021 12:34:28 PM Me

Hey there. I have pickups early today. Should be home and settled by 1:30 pst. You free after that?

Sep 23, 2021 12:34:50 PM Me

Everyone gets home from camping ⛺️ today

Sep 23, 2021 12:35:21 PM +13038752587

That is a good time for me

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Sep 23, 2021 3:57:18 PM Me

Hey there

Sep 23, 2021 3:57:33 PM Me

Good or bad time?

Sep 23, 2021 4:22:51 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Bad - forgot Sarah’s parents were coming down to celebrate Willows 6 bday a few days earlier as they are out of town on her party day

Sep 23, 2021 4:23:01 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Manana

Sep 23, 2021 4:27:06 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you a gift 🎁

Sep 23, 2021 4:27:19 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Confirming you received it

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Sep 23, 2021 4:27:29 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

?

Sep 24, 2021 11:23:39 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

We on for today? just checking.

Sep 24, 2021 11:25:58 AM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - can you do it at 11:30

Sep 24, 2021 11:26:04 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

PST

Sep 24, 2021 11:26:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

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Sep 25, 2021 6:34:54 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

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Almost adjusted them 😀

Sep 25, 2021 7:18:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Amazon.com

Sep 25, 2021 7:18:49 PM Me

Here are typefaces. Lora for text. Google Fonts

Sep 25, 2021 7:18:51 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Google Fonts

Sep 25, 2021 7:19:26 PM Me

Lexand Deca for headlines. I like it at the lighter weights:

Sep 25, 2021 7:19:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Google Fonts

Sep 25, 2021 7:20:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Those typefaces are set in the site. You can apply them in modules, but they should be applied at the root level in the stylesheet.

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Sep 25, 2021 7:24:14 PM Me

FYI, started the book earlier today

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Sep 25, 2021 7:25:51 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

In a ridiculous line to get into concert - Van Morrison

Sep 25, 2021 7:26:08 PM Me

Oy

Sep 25, 2021 7:26:25 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 25, 2021 7:26:48 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 25, 2021 7:26:56 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Headlining down to head up

Sep 25, 2021 7:27:14 PM Me

indoor?

Sep 25, 2021 7:27:31 PM Me

surprised ppl with no masks

Sep 25, 2021 7:28:09 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Outdoor

Sep 25, 2021 7:28:43 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Supposedly they are checking vaccines status last minute

Sep 25, 2021 7:28:57 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

My guess is they are checking temperatures

Sep 25, 2021 7:29:14 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Funny though - no one in line is to concerned

Sep 25, 2021 7:29:20 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

No 😷

Sep 25, 2021 7:35:37 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

you’ll like this weird connection. Was playing darts 2 nights ago and put a new set of stems/flights on and noticed the colors were quite cool. Using them on the site.

Sep 25, 2021 7:36:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sep 25, 2021 7:36:17 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Nice

Sep 25, 2021 7:51:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sep 27, 2021 1:49:00 PM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call in 10m

Sep 27, 2021 3:31:30 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Bad timing on my side

Sep 27, 2021 3:31:48 PM +13038752587

What did you think of the book

Sep 27, 2021 3:32:05 PM +13038752587

Let’s plan for 11;30 your time tomorrow

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Sep 27, 2021 3:32:09 PM Me

No worries. Need to finish book

Sep 27, 2021 7:02:06 PM Me

Favorite line in book so far. “Nice. Fuck Off.” 😂

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Sep 27, 2021 7:27:24 PM Me

Finished book

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Sep 28, 2021 12:36:09 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

You ready to chat?

Sep 28, 2021 12:41:04 PM Me

Making coffee, need couple mins

Sep 28, 2021 12:43:32 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Sep 28, 2021 12:54:22 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Getting into car - I’ll call you in a few

Sep 28, 2021 12:54:39 PM Me

K, just ready now

Sep 28, 2021 1:14:48 PM Me

U in bad cell spot?

Sep 28, 2021 1:42:01 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) +13038752587

What’s the clear box on the bottom of the pages in the pdf for Tree

Sep 28, 2021 1:42:37 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

Website and or call to action location?

Sep 28, 2021 1:43:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

we can have the url on the bottom link to the website. We can make the clear box/button link to the schedule URL

Sep 28, 2021 1:44:05 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Sitting in waiting room - normally appt are right on time

Sep 28, 2021 1:44:21 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Perfect

Sep 28, 2021 1:44:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

need to confirm that’s in the PDF

Sep 28, 2021 1:46:01 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get fonts set up in the site?

Sep 28, 2021 1:46:24 PM Me

Yes, but need to confirm they’re being rendered. Code is in place

Sep 28, 2021 1:47:01 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Can you tweak design of Destinations and about page?

Sep 28, 2021 1:48:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes

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Sep 28, 2021 3:08:10 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Can you chat now

Sep 28, 2021 9:29:32 PM Me

sorry to miss you. was an interesting day. processing a lot

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Sep 29, 2021 9:48:52 AM Me

Struggling today

Sep 29, 2021 9:49:19 AM Me

Not even up for 5 mins and in the pit

Sep 29, 2021 1:30:14 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

READY!

Sep 29, 2021 1:30:28 PM Me

give me a min

Sep 29, 2021 1:30:29 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Whoops that’s a question mark

Sep 29, 2021 1:30:36 PM Me

actually 5

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Sep 29, 2021 1:30:51 PM Me

moving files and can’t lose track

Sep 29, 2021 2:01:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, things are astable

Sep 29, 2021 2:01:20 PM Me

sorry about delay

Sep 29, 2021 2:04:21 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you momentarily

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Sep 30, 2021 12:42:06 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Can you talk now

Sep 30, 2021 1:09:05 PM Me

Had phone in pocket and never did anything. Just seeing this now

Sep 30, 2021 6:50:00 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 50 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

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Sep 30, 2021 6:51:00 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 49 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

High of 60 today - a little fire 🔥 and hot chocolate

Sep 30, 2021 6:59:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

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Sep 30, 2021 8:40:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Tree’s site has latest Divi 4.11 New feature dropped—Condition Options. Allows conditional control over content display.

Sep 30, 2021 8:40:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Elegant Themes

Sep 30, 2021 8:42:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

the expressions on all 3 are perfect! BTW—❤️ the 🔥pit!!!

Sep 30, 2021 8:42:43 PM Me

u build or buy that?

Sep 30, 2021 8:43:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

need a new pic of the family. the kids are enormous compared to the pic on my fridge.

Sep 30, 2021 8:44:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

both 5x bigger

Oct 01, 2021 1:08:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have school pickups now. Early on Fridays. Did bunch of updates on website styling. Almost done.

Oct 01, 2021 1:08:04 PM Me

Take a looks

Oct 01, 2021 1:08:31 PM +13038752587

Cool

Oct 01, 2021 3:24:28 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Are you editing the website right now

Oct 01, 2021 3:27:39 PM Me

yes. about to switch to some A+L stuff I have to get done before EOD

Oct 01, 2021 3:28:06 PM Me

doing some final massaging/fine tuning on the homepage

Oct 01, 2021 3:28:21 PM Me

at least for desktop—have not fine tuned the other viewports

Oct 01, 2021 3:28:32 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I was in there - no I’m out

Oct 01, 2021 3:28:53 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Makes sure I didn’t undo yours when I saved mine

Oct 01, 2021 3:34:09 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Can you talk for 5

Oct 01, 2021 4:01:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

All done for now. Saved and I’m out. You can go in and edit content. Try not to tweak the styles. We’re getting there

Oct 01, 2021 5:37:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, I know you like good music to dance to, or to workout to—here’s the latest FatboySlim mix. I can send you tons more. This one’s appropriately titled for you… “All The Ladies…”

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Oct 01, 2021 5:37:28 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Mixcloud

Oct 01, 2021 5:37:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I also use it to do housework/chores. Helps keep a nice rhythm

Oct 01, 2021 7:17:36 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

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Oct 01, 2021 7:17:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

dropped some scripts in to customize the login

Oct 03, 2021 10:42:06 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 53 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Meme arrived in Cali yesterday

Oct 03, 2021 10:42:14 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 53 minutes) +13038752587

She has you contact info

Oct 03, 2021 10:42:24 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 52 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Here’s hers

Oct 03, 2021 10:42:54 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 52 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Click to download Mom.vcf (207.00 B)

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Oct 04, 2021 9:00:30 AM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Meme is trying to connect with you

Oct 04, 2021 9:00:39 AM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Says she called a few times

Oct 04, 2021 9:30:19 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ll reach out today.

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Oct 04, 2021 1:04:41 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes) +13038752587

Taking Lilly for nap drive - I’ll call in 15m

Oct 04, 2021 1:52:14 PM Me

Howdy, I’m here

Oct 04, 2021 1:52:20 PM Me

Talked to your mom

Oct 04, 2021 1:55:19 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

You free at 2 your time

Oct 04, 2021 1:59:43 PM Me

Yes, but will be on way to pickup at 2:30. Can talk tho

Oct 04, 2021 3:12:59 PM +13038752587

Hola

Oct 04, 2021 3:13:01 PM +13038752587

Hi

Oct 04, 2021 3:13:21 PM +13038752587

Ciao

Oct 04, 2021 3:13:37 PM +13038752587

Bon jour

Oct 04, 2021 3:14:00 PM Me

Getting in car or Declan will roast me 😁

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Oct 04, 2021 3:17:49 PM (Read by you after 22 hours, 19 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want to talk when you get home?

Oct 05, 2021 1:07:29 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Are you ready

Oct 05, 2021 1:37:16 PM Me

Hey

Oct 05, 2021 1:38:21 PM Me

Been dealing with laptop acting up

Oct 05, 2021 2:18:07 PM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Me too

Oct 05, 2021 2:18:14 PM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Final figures it out

Oct 05, 2021 2:18:20 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

What’s happening with yours

Oct 05, 2021 2:19:32 PM Me

SUPER slow. spinning beach ball a bunch of times.

Oct 05, 2021 2:19:43 PM Me

I do need a new one, think this is 7 years old

Oct 05, 2021 2:22:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Mine is older 🙂

Oct 05, 2021 2:23:32 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Mine was an issue with let’s encrypt and chrome- had to manually install certificate

Oct 05, 2021 2:24:09 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

You have too much happening on it I bet - haha

Oct 05, 2021 2:24:45 PM Me

so many things… running web server locally so I can do dev and then push mods up to servers

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Oct 05, 2021 2:25:08 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Three qs

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Oct 05, 2021 2:25:43 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get a chance to do anything on Trees site

Oct 05, 2021 2:26:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not since weekend

Oct 05, 2021 2:26:30 PM Me

All I need to do is make sure responsive is not going off the rails.

Oct 05, 2021 2:26:43 PM Me

What about rest of content?

Oct 05, 2021 2:28:53 PM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

I think content is dialed in for now

Oct 05, 2021 2:29:17 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s plan to go over it tomorrow

Oct 05, 2021 2:29:25 PM Me

k

Oct 05, 2021 2:29:46 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

2. How goes the warrior book?

Oct 05, 2021 2:32:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Haven’t cracked it yet. Took the weekend to rest. I’ll be able to get at it later today after school pickups

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Oct 05, 2021 2:33:27 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

3 are you going to see my mom

Oct 05, 2021 2:34:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes, spoke with her yesterday. We’re connecting tomorrow @ 12 for lunch here in Ojai. Gave her the name of a local place to meet me

Oct 05, 2021 2:34:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Think her friend is driving her

Oct 05, 2021 2:34:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

since she knows how to get up here

Oct 05, 2021 2:34:50 PM +13038752587

Great

Oct 05, 2021 2:35:13 PM Me

looking forward to it. can’t remember last time I saw your mom.

Oct 05, 2021 2:35:31 PM Me

oh, last time I was back in NY

Oct 05, 2021 2:35:48 PM Me

she was visiting and we overlapped

Oct 05, 2021 2:36:03 PM Me

and that was many years ago 3+

Oct 05, 2021 2:36:53 PM Me

“Covid times” are like this void in your memory of events. You start to think back and there’s this blank spot, its weird

Oct 05, 2021 2:37:30 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Indeed

Oct 05, 2021 2:48:38 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Thoughts on wpforms? Good bad don’t know

Oct 05, 2021 5:14:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just saw this…. no opinion. haven’t used them. I do hear good things about ninja forms

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Oct 05, 2021 5:18:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also tomorrow I’m lunching with ur mom then doing school pickups.

Oct 05, 2021 5:19:22 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Oct 05, 2021 5:19:26 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

No worries

Oct 06, 2021 12:23:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey there, I have just a couple panels on the homepage to work out in mobile and I think its good. There is missing content on homepage4 which I’ve renamed. Missing headlines, etc.

Oct 06, 2021 12:23:59 PM Me

Let me know what you think.

Oct 06, 2021 12:24:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

heading out to meet ur mom in a few

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Oct 06, 2021 2:26:21 PM Me

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Oct 07, 2021 12:08:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, you good for today? got meetings? just curious

Oct 07, 2021 12:11:07 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

With tree around 1 but should leave us time

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Oct 07, 2021 12:34:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I have the responsive tweaks complete: desktop, tablet, mobile should all be good.

Oct 07, 2021 12:35:01 PM Me

There is some missing content

Oct 07, 2021 12:35:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Checking the custom header and footer responsiveness, and then I think its set—at least the homepage

Oct 07, 2021 12:42:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also footer needs logos and association text

Oct 07, 2021 1:09:45 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it out / call you in about 30mins

Oct 07, 2021 1:44:24 PM Me

going to grab lunch. you have call with tree coming up. you can call me after that call.

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Oct 11, 2021 12:07:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, what time do you want to talk today?

Oct 11, 2021 12:16:32 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 41 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

1 your time

Oct 11, 2021 1:58:37 PM Me

getting my gear together. going to go outside and walk during call.

Oct 11, 2021 1:58:47 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Oct 11, 2021 2:01:19 PM Me

I’ll call u if that’s ok

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Oct 12, 2021 11:41:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I do have a thing at 1pm

Oct 12, 2021 11:48:01 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

We can shoot for 12

Oct 12, 2021 11:54:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I won’t have cracked the book by then 😕

Oct 12, 2021 12:33:38 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Ok tomorrow then?

Oct 12, 2021 12:33:51 PM Me

Yes, for sure

Oct 12, 2021 1:35:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

need good mojo. about to go to counseling session with Liz

Oct 12, 2021 1:35:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok

Oct 12, 2021 1:35:44 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

MOJO

Oct 12, 2021 1:37:10 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

YouTube

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Oct 12, 2021 1:38:37 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

❤️

Oct 12, 2021 2:59:22 PM Me

Looks like I’m going to be heading back East soon. For an unknown duration.

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Oct 12, 2021 3:20:15 PM Me

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Parked next to the “VanGo”

Oct 12, 2021 3:28:20 PM Me

Liz needs space

Oct 12, 2021 3:29:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Why would you go to the east

Oct 12, 2021 3:29:53 PM Me

I need to leave my house for a while, I have nowhere to go here

Oct 12, 2021 3:30:16 PM +13038752587

Do you want to go East

Oct 12, 2021 3:30:27 PM Me

Not really

Oct 12, 2021 3:30:37 PM Me

Too cold

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Oct 12, 2021 3:32:12 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

How do you feel about this?

Oct 12, 2021 3:38:39 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Do You want to talk today?

Oct 12, 2021 4:05:43 PM Me

Sure. Just got home from school pickups

Oct 12, 2021 4:06:04 PM +13038752587

Give me 10m

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Oct 12, 2021 4:06:18 PM Me

Doesn’t need to be long. Besides I still have a couple hours of A+L to do

Oct 12, 2021 11:02:31 PM Me

Capt Kirk is going into space tomorrow.

Oct 12, 2021 11:02:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Oct 12, 2021 11:03:12 PM Me

He’s 90!

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Oct 12, 2021 11:20:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey check out the image in this tweet. Open up full screen and look close. This image is a foretelling and a warning the universe has asked me to pass on to you and Sarah. Be mindful of taking the kids to the home improvement store. 🤣

Oct 12, 2021 11:20:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Oct 13, 2021 8:43:08 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 seconds) +13038752587

That would be Willow for sure

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Oct 13, 2021 9:43:52 AM Me

You’ve been warned! 🤣

Oct 13, 2021 9:44:31 AM Me

“Bob, we have a code yellow on aisle 5!”

Oct 13, 2021 9:44:57 AM Me

totally plausible for you

Oct 13, 2021 2:11:36 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Lost track of time today

Oct 13, 2021 2:11:49 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

What’s around 4 your time look like

Oct 13, 2021 2:22:12 PM Me

No worries. Been taking things slow since yesterday. Trying to process things and shift About to wrap up working on other ppls stuff and work on mine

Oct 13, 2021 2:22:48 PM Me

I’ll be with Declan then. He has first day of preseason ⚽ today

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Oct 15, 2021 11:29:12 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

I have a call from 12-2 your time. Can you chat after?

Oct 15, 2021 11:30:08 AM Me

yes

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Oct 15, 2021 12:30:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

mage for Brazilian Condom company. Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Oct 15, 2021 4:29:06 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Heading out with the girls now. What’s your day like tomorrow morning or later tonight?

Oct 15, 2021 5:50:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

we could talk tomorrow. I’ll be around

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Oct 16, 2021 10:34:16 PM Me

Today was very hard

Oct 16, 2021 10:34:33 PM Me

More so than other days

Oct 16, 2021 10:37:42 PM +13038752587

Sorry to hear you had a rough day. Let’s plan a chat in the morning

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Oct 17, 2021 9:47:03 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 21 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you link to warrior challenge- check it out

Oct 17, 2021 9:52:05 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 7 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you link to warrior challenge- check it out

Oct 17, 2021 10:19:51 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

I did it about a year ago

Oct 17, 2021 4:08:08 PM Me

Hi. Did u ever send the link/access to that resume tool? I want to run mine thru and see what I get

Oct 17, 2021 4:08:25 PM Me

Working on my website

Oct 17, 2021 4:08:48 PM +13038752587

At zoo

Oct 17, 2021 4:09:03 PM +13038752587

Did you check out the email I sent

Oct 17, 2021 5:18:03 PM Me

🦓

Oct 17, 2021 5:18:15 PM Me

🐘

Oct 17, 2021 5:18:33 PM Me

🦍

Oct 17, 2021 5:18:38 PM Me

cool.

Oct 17, 2021 5:18:54 PM Me

will check out vid soon. just got home from hike and errands

Oct 18, 2021 10:05:22 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 6 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

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Tea bag wisdom

Oct 18, 2021 10:08:09 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 3 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Morning present 🎁

Oct 18, 2021 12:12:44 PM Me

must have gotten cold last night

Oct 18, 2021 12:12:54 PM Me

what time works for you today.

Oct 18, 2021 12:13:12 PM Me

I have school pickup between 2-3

Oct 18, 2021 12:13:22 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

In 15m is best

Oct 18, 2021 12:34:56 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

You Available?

Oct 18, 2021 12:35:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah

Oct 18, 2021 12:44:25 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

I barely can hear you and you can’t hear me

Oct 18, 2021 12:44:39 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Call me - see if we get a better connection

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Oct 18, 2021 2:33:35 PM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?i=1000538246142

Oct 18, 2021 2:33:35 PM Me

Started listening to this today. Very interesting hearing about the research into the self critical voice in your head 🙂

Oct 19, 2021 10:14:15 AM Me

U try to call or pocket dial?

Oct 19, 2021 10:14:28 AM +13038752587

Pocket

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Oct 19, 2021 12:24:31 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

had a good morning texting with my father and brother…

Oct 19, 2021 12:24:51 PM Me

feeling the luv

Oct 19, 2021 12:25:10 PM Me

just confirms why I moved the fuck away

Oct 19, 2021 12:25:21 PM (Read by you after 29 seconds) +13038752587

Wtf

Oct 19, 2021 12:25:44 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

What was this in regards to?

Oct 19, 2021 12:26:41 PM Me

started with CRT and got into racism

Oct 19, 2021 12:27:39 PM Me

I brought up Emmett Till. and my dad replied with this:

Oct 19, 2021 12:27:48 PM Me

“Do you honestly think that he was the only boy killed because of his color how about because of your nationality Irish Italian etc”

Oct 19, 2021 12:28:00 PM Me

I then sent this, which garnered the screen capture

Oct 19, 2021 12:28:20 PM Me

“Dad, be honest. Far more blacks have been killed in this country because of their skin color than all the white skinned immigrants. Actually kind of disgusting to even make the comparison.”

Oct 19, 2021 12:28:44 PM Me

its always “whataboutism”

Oct 19, 2021 12:29:21 PM Me

anyhow, I’m fine. There have been worse text threads over COVID times.

Oct 19, 2021 12:31:03 PM +13038752587

Have a suggestion but first a question

Oct 19, 2021 12:31:04 PM Me

Russ and my Dad think I live on another planet—and have used exactly those words. They talk about all the bad crime in Waterford and how I live in a fancy elite place. Kind of mocking me in a way, and somehow insinuating that I live in some ivory tower

Oct 19, 2021 12:31:48 PM Me

and I’m supposed to go visit them?

Oct 19, 2021 12:31:51 PM Me

for a few weeks?

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Oct 19, 2021 12:31:59 PM Me

GTFO

Oct 19, 2021 12:32:23 PM +13038752587

Don’t know the acronym

Oct 19, 2021 12:32:42 PM Me

anyhow I have a few hours of work I need to crank out for the one client I still do work for at A+L

Oct 19, 2021 12:32:51 PM Me

GTFO = Get The Fuck Out

Oct 19, 2021 12:33:01 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That was my guess

Oct 19, 2021 12:33:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my head is actually in an ok place today

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Oct 19, 2021 12:33:41 PM Me

in the past that text thread would have sent me off-line for the day

Oct 19, 2021 12:33:55 PM Me

hiking in the hills and getting lost on the trails

Oct 19, 2021 12:34:02 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Glad to hear

Oct 19, 2021 12:34:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

me too—hoping the weekend was a blip

Oct 19, 2021 12:34:37 PM +13038752587

Get back to work and we can chat when your done

Oct 19, 2021 12:34:41 PM +13038752587

Text me

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Oct 19, 2021 12:34:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I mean my life is still fucked up by my standards, but its not taking me down in flames

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Oct 19, 2021 2:12:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

SEO Blog by Ahrefs

Oct 20, 2021 12:57:37 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Hola 👋

Oct 20, 2021 12:57:51 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

How’s about 1:30 to chat

Oct 20, 2021 12:57:59 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

My time

Oct 20, 2021 12:58:06 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

12:30 for you

Oct 20, 2021 1:15:15 PM Me

Not good. Later is better

Oct 20, 2021 1:15:42 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

What time later?

Oct 20, 2021 1:20:11 PM Me

After 2:30 my time?

Oct 20, 2021 1:20:37 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Oct 20, 2021 4:41:47 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I’m around now

Oct 20, 2021 4:42:00 PM Me

need to drive Declan to soccer practice in about 30 mins

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Oct 20, 2021 6:17:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

can you send that resume link? Or did you already?’

Oct 20, 2021 6:50:56 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

I send it tonight

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Oct 20, 2021 6:56:01 PM Me

Working on my stuff. Actually getting shit💩 done

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Oct 20, 2021 6:57:11 PM Me

Oct 21, 2021 1:48:31 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Resume link emailed

Oct 21, 2021 1:49:16 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

User darrell@purplemountainmarketing.com

Oct 22, 2021 11:52:45 AM Me

its parents weekend here at the school. I’ll be out of pocket until Sunday — campus is like a beehive

Oct 22, 2021 11:53:07 AM +13038752587

Ok

Oct 22, 2021 5:29:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

CTO of Coaching.com reached out to me and wants to talk with me about a Sr. Product Designer role. 👀!?!

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Oct 22, 2021 5:30:12 PM Me

guys name is David Gray

Oct 22, 2021 5:30:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.coaching.com/about-us

Oct 22, 2021 5:30:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

they’re in San Diego, but its remote

Oct 22, 2021 8:44:36 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Very cool - like the concept- great url - when will you talk with him

Oct 22, 2021 8:48:20 PM Me

Waiting to hear back but anticipate next week

Oct 22, 2021 8:48:44 PM Me

SD is 4 hr drive from here

Oct 22, 2021 8:49:53 PM Me

Depending on traffic. You are driving across the entire LA basin north to south

Oct 22, 2021 8:52:10 PM +13038752587

How long is a commuter flight?

Oct 22, 2021 8:52:32 PM Me

Position is full remote 😜

Oct 22, 2021 8:52:39 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet

Oct 22, 2021 8:52:55 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Keep me updated

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Oct 24, 2021 7:37:55 PM Me

Hey there, hope you had good weekend! ? Would it be possible for me to come out say... In a week (?) and perhaps stay in CO for 2 weeks total? Check your family schedule, check with Sarah, and lmk. Plan on working, hiking, visiting, sleeping, and generally staying as 👻 like as possible.

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Oct 24, 2021 7:38:05 PM Me

No rush on answer

Oct 24, 2021 7:38:10 PM Me

Take ur time

Oct 24, 2021 7:40:05 PM Me

Btw, today was the yin to last weekends yang ☯️

Oct 24, 2021 8:25:46 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s chat tomorrow

Oct 25, 2021 9:36:11 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you an email - discover your why - do it, it’s quick and insightful- should be free

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Oct 25, 2021 10:05:06 AM Me

Taking boys to dentist today so afternoon is tough to connect. Meeting from 10-11, but otherwise I'm around

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Oct 25, 2021 1:06:14 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Oct 25, 2021 1:09:19 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s chat now

Oct 25, 2021 1:09:29 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Oct 25, 2021 1:09:31 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

🤪

Oct 25, 2021 1:09:40 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

🙄

Oct 25, 2021 1:09:59 PM Me

one min. I’ll connect my headphones.

Oct 25, 2021 1:10:06 PM Me

In the middle of updating website

Oct 25, 2021 1:11:08 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

When do you leave to get boys for dentist

Oct 25, 2021 1:11:28 PM Me

in 45mins

Oct 25, 2021 1:11:48 PM Me

have like zero time to do anything today

Oct 25, 2021 1:11:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

calling

Oct 25, 2021 4:03:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Simplify

Oct 25, 2021 4:04:01 PM Me

You believe in making things simple so they are useful and understandable. You have a unique gift of reducing the number of steps required for almost any task. You constantly look for ways of simplifying. For you, life is better when it’s simple and uncluttered. If you can simplify something and help the world, you will.

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Oct 25, 2021 4:16:51 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 1 minute, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Hows that feel?

Oct 25, 2021 7:18:21 PM Me

Prettyaccurate

Oct 27, 2021 1:16:21 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 54 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Calling in 15m

Oct 27, 2021 9:28:58 PM Me

Hey there, what is your address?

Oct 27, 2021 10:31:19 PM +13038752587

327 Francis St Longmont CO 80501

Oct 27, 2021 11:05:55 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 48 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

327 Francis St Longmont CO 80501

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Oct 27, 2021 11:22:51 PM Me

Looking at possibly next Tuesday arrival. Nov 2. Talk with Sarah and make sure all is cool for that to happen.

Oct 28, 2021 9:38:10 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - you driving out or flying?

Oct 28, 2021 9:39:33 AM Me

I think flying

Oct 28, 2021 9:41:19 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Ok Sarah said some awesome prices out of Burbank -$49

Oct 28, 2021 10:29:15 AM +13038752587

It’s on aerlo - fly’s into Loveland Fort Collins which is closer to us

Oct 28, 2021 10:29:30 AM +13038752587

Also southwest has some sale too

Oct 28, 2021 11:55:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Burbank is 90mins away

Oct 28, 2021 11:55:34 AM Me

looking at going out of Santa Barbara. 45 mins away

Oct 28, 2021 11:55:59 AM Me

more $, but less ⏰

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Oct 28, 2021 4:22:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

every flight that takes me to Fort Collins has me transferring through Denver

Oct 28, 2021 4:22:47 PM Me

is that really worth it?

Oct 28, 2021 4:22:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No

Oct 28, 2021 4:22:59 PM Me

SBA->DEN

Oct 28, 2021 4:23:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

then to Fort Collins

Oct 28, 2021 4:23:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Oct 28, 2021 4:23:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can get in at 4:13pm

Oct 28, 2021 4:23:30 PM Me

OR

Oct 28, 2021 4:24:04 PM Me

12:37pm

Oct 28, 2021 4:24:39 PM Me

I can get a shuttle to your place

Oct 28, 2021 4:25:25 PM Me

so tempted to pay $179 more for first class

Oct 28, 2021 4:25:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I may be able to pick you up

Oct 28, 2021 4:25:56 PM Me

we have a few days to sort that out

Oct 28, 2021 4:26:00 PM Me

key that I book now

Oct 28, 2021 4:26:04 PM Me

flight that is

Oct 28, 2021 4:26:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can always get a shuttle or rent a car for a day—no big deal

Oct 28, 2021 4:27:01 PM Me

you have little people, I know it increases the level of difficulty for everything -)

Oct 28, 2021 4:27:04 PM Me

😊

Oct 28, 2021 4:27:45 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Earlier - you will avoid rush hour traffic

Oct 28, 2021 4:27:58 PM Me

ah, ok

Oct 28, 2021 11:22:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Oct 28, 2021 11:22:13 PM Me

🤯

Oct 29, 2021 7:25:04 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Is this from the new book by Dan Sullivan

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Oct 29, 2021 8:36:47 AM +13038752587

It’s 99c on kindle version

Oct 29, 2021 2:14:03 PM Me

Doing school pickups when u called

Oct 29, 2021 3:40:14 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you around 3

Oct 29, 2021 3:42:48 PM Me

K

Oct 29, 2021 8:03:24 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Just got a free kindle copy of gap and gain as a gift 🎁- sent you the email

Oct 29, 2021 8:08:26 PM Me

Haha that's how got it

Oct 29, 2021 8:08:40 PM Me

Was h Going to do the same

Oct 31, 2021 1:12:35 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 55 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

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Papa sorry you feel like poop 💩 My get well card from Willow it a piece of candy in poop 🤣

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Oct 31, 2021 6:08:55 PM Me

That's a keeper

Oct 31, 2021 6:09:02 PM Me

Frame 🔲 it

Oct 31, 2021 6:09:23 PM Me

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Nov 02, 2021 1:17:01 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call in 15

Nov 02, 2021 1:34:34 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Nov 02, 2021 2:08:52 PM Me

Hey

Nov 02, 2021 2:09:21 PM Me

I can connect now

Nov 02, 2021 2:09:25 PM Me

Eating

Nov 02, 2021 2:09:55 PM Me

Was out walking dogs 🐕

Nov 02, 2021 2:11:09 PM Me

Have to get Declan at 2:10

Nov 02, 2021 2:14:06 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 02, 2021 2:14:16 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I call in a few

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Nov 02, 2021 9:47:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Oy. got super bad vibes tonight. really ominous feelings. waves of fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, grief and despair. feeling awful, but if I remember correctly its just a feeling and hopefully it will pass

Nov 02, 2021 9:47:38 PM Me

time to go meditate

Nov 03, 2021 10:02:59 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you at 10:15 your time to go over trees site

Nov 03, 2021 10:03:29 AM Me

K

Nov 03, 2021 11:20:07 AM (Read by you after 50 seconds) +13038752587

Give me 10m

Nov 03, 2021 11:21:01 AM Me

k

Nov 03, 2021 11:37:01 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Ready

Nov 03, 2021 11:37:04 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Nov 03, 2021 11:42:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh yeah

Nov 03, 2021 11:42:49 AM Me

was away getting tea

Nov 03, 2021 11:55:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, pages should be all set.Have a look and tune the content if you like. Let me know what you think. Let me know if you have any questions. https://beyondborabora.com/ https://beyondborabora.com/destinations/

Nov 04, 2021 12:41:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://beyondborabora.com/about/

Nov 04, 2021 12:41:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have not checked tablet and mobile on that one.

Nov 04, 2021 11:14:17 AM Me

did you look at the site?

Nov 04, 2021 11:18:35 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Yes 🙌

Nov 04, 2021 11:19:13 AM (Read by you after 55 seconds) +13038752587

Have 2 tweaks needed and we have two hidden pages to style

Nov 04, 2021 11:20:04 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

You good to chat at 12 your time

Nov 04, 2021 11:20:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah

Nov 04, 2021 11:44:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, I just got some of my shit in order. That means I should be getting my travel plans dialed in today. Just need to confirm when Declan and Darragh play against each other (they go to different high schools and they’re going to have a pre-season friendly game) It will likely be the one and only time they will play against each other in an official setting.

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Nov 04, 2021 1:16:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

u called an hung up?

Nov 04, 2021 1:16:46 PM Me

I answered

Nov 04, 2021 4:01:08 PM Me

FYI, no reply from coaching.com, but submitted a follow up simply to confirm receipt of previous reply with samples. Stay tuned.

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Nov 04, 2021 4:11:24 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 41 minutes) +13038752587

Did you get pdf edits from tree?

Nov 04, 2021 4:12:12 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 40 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

We need to add calendy link to it

Nov 04, 2021 9:52:56 PM Me

Have not looked 👀 I will shortly

Nov 04, 2021 9:57:05 PM Me

Ok looks like I'll be heading out on the 16th. Boys game is 15th and I told Liz I don't want to miss that. I said could leave asap and be back for the game. Or go after. She agreed to going after.

Nov 05, 2021 1:03:00 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I do see the changes for the PDF. I will do them in the morning and send them over ASAP.

Nov 05, 2021 12:14:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have pickups for school at Noon today. I can talk at, after 2pm

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Nov 08, 2021 1:21:55 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call in 10m

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Nov 08, 2021 1:41:21 PM +13038752587

Just called

Nov 08, 2021 1:42:05 PM Me

Oh

Nov 08, 2021 1:42:19 PM Me

Call back at that number?

Nov 08, 2021 1:43:07 PM Me

U calling from computer?

Nov 09, 2021 1:40:24 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Hola 👋

Nov 09, 2021 1:40:48 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Bon Jour 🇫🇷

Nov 09, 2021 1:41:15 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Buenos Tardes 🇪🇸

Nov 09, 2021 1:43:31 PM Me

Hey

Nov 09, 2021 1:43:41 PM Me

Was away from phone desk

Nov 09, 2021 4:10:37 PM Me

I'm here

Nov 09, 2021 4:43:35 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 17 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call in 20m

Nov 09, 2021 7:48:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

made updates to the website. are you putting the link to the calendar on the CTA buttons?

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Nov 09, 2021 7:48:34 PM Me

I’ll do the PDF later.

Nov 10, 2021 1:17:27 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Calling in 10

Nov 10, 2021 1:44:55 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

Nov 10, 2021 1:45:21 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Is there anybody out there?

Nov 10, 2021 1:45:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Anybody Anybody Bueller?

Nov 10, 2021 1:46:47 PM Me

Hi

Nov 10, 2021 1:46:58 PM Me

Was outside taking break

Nov 10, 2021 1:49:50 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you in 5

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Nov 11, 2021 1:42:34 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Phone was installing update- I’ll call in 10

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Nov 11, 2021 1:42:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

will be walking dog, that ok?

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Nov 11, 2021 1:43:04 PM Me

or do I need to be on computer?

Nov 11, 2021 2:13:39 PM Me

2mins

Nov 11, 2021 2:13:55 PM Me

finishing up summary of work update

Nov 11, 2021 2:14:05 PM Me

then done with it for the day

Nov 11, 2021 2:14:08 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 11, 2021 7:34:19 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Just getting back to computer 💻 Girls are in bed

Nov 11, 2021 7:56:01 PM Me

K, finishing up glueing and tacking my new raised Oche

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Nov 11, 2021 7:56:19 PM Me

Nov 11, 2021 7:56:37 PM Me

Nov 11, 2021 7:57:13 PM Me

Can stream anything thru telly

Nov 11, 2021 7:57:54 PM Me

I did some writing

Nov 11, 2021 7:58:03 PM Me

And re-org

Nov 11, 2021 7:58:08 PM Me

In the doc

Nov 11, 2021 7:58:11 PM +13038752587

Lookin at it now

Nov 11, 2021 7:58:24 PM Me

And shared spreadsheet

Nov 11, 2021 7:59:01 PM Me

You'll get how it works and it's quite handy for quick estimates

Nov 11, 2021 7:59:17 PM Me

I have a other more detailed one too

Nov 11, 2021 8:00:44 PM Me

Let me finish this oche work and ill get online for a bit.

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Nov 11, 2021 8:00:57 PM Me

I tend to be a night owl and like to tinker and work at night

Nov 11, 2021 10:12:13 PM Me

Hey u still at it?

Nov 11, 2021 10:12:41 PM Me

Nov 11, 2021 10:13:01 PM +13038752587

Yes

Nov 11, 2021 10:13:05 PM +13038752587

Fancy

Nov 11, 2021 10:13:07 PM Me

Nov 11, 2021 10:14:17 PM Me

I just finished building the platform and putting lights in. And cleanup

Nov 11, 2021 10:14:53 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

About to call it a night

Nov 11, 2021 10:15:11 PM Me

Understand

Nov 11, 2021 10:15:22 PM Me

In wipes out

Nov 11, 2021 10:15:26 PM Me

Haha

Nov 11, 2021 10:15:34 PM Me

Auto correct

Nov 11, 2021 10:16:36 PM +13038752587

Check out the notes on the proposal outline on bottom of page Need to transfer to pretty project on and simply the messaging

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Nov 11, 2021 10:16:36 PM Me

I'm online tomorrow trying to wrap up things and organize others

Nov 11, 2021 10:16:58 PM Me

We can talk tomm

Nov 11, 2021 10:17:52 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Ps - they have some good videos on their website that is a good beginning to pulling their story together

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Nov 12, 2021 11:33:40 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 19 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Need your input - when are you available?

Nov 12, 2021 12:53:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there.

Nov 12, 2021 12:54:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

taking Declan to coffee right now, and then home and online. I’ll ping in about 30-40mins

Nov 12, 2021 12:55:38 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 12, 2021 12:57:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

was offline until about 15 mins ago. Aidan is here, came back last night with his girlfriend Cory and their dog. Westons chi is not cool with another dog hanging around—he can barely chill with Coda around. Anyhow, different routine for me this morning with the change in personnel 😊

Nov 12, 2021 12:58:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m good to work all afternoon—deck should be cleared.

Nov 12, 2021 12:58:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have a suggestion that might alleviate some stress.

Nov 12, 2021 1:01:32 PM Me

Does it make any difference if you get the proposal over today versus Monday? Does it make a difference to her? It will to you and me (more time to dial it in and cross check) and provide a better estimate. If you were to reach out and say we are close to having it complete but want the weekend to review/edit and have it waiting for her Monday morning—think that would cause any issues? I suggest this because we do that all the time on estimates. People understand that its complex and you want to get it as right as possible k, think about that and we can talk when I’m back online.

Nov 12, 2021 1:02:20 PM Me

We still complete it today, but get to sleep on it, edit on Sat—deliver on Sun

Nov 12, 2021 2:37:33 PM Me

hey there. back on computer, fixing a bug for A+L at the moment.

Nov 12, 2021 2:38:41 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - when will you be available

Nov 12, 2021 2:39:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

mmm… likely 2;30 to be safe. asking for a voice call after I fix the bug—which is odd to me. Usually keep friction low. Anyhow I will keep you posted

Nov 12, 2021 4:18:52 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

How goes it

Nov 12, 2021 4:53:44 PM Me

Hey there. Goes ok. Had a 40 minute phone call/video call to talk through a bunch of recent issues and trying to troubleshoot them. So I have some work to do there. I took a break to reset my head and about to get online

Nov 12, 2021 4:54:54 PM Me

Took just over 2hrs, but billable 💵 😁

Nov 12, 2021 4:55:27 PM Me

To me they are a client more than employer.

Nov 12, 2021 4:56:39 PM +13038752587

Dinner time here

Nov 12, 2021 4:56:50 PM +13038752587

I’ll be back online later

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Nov 12, 2021 4:57:12 PM +13038752587

Look at my notes on both Google docs

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Nov 12, 2021 4:57:47 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Ps trees pdf did not have links buttons in it - check email

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Nov 14, 2021 1:01:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

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sent pdf last night. working on proposal

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Nov 14, 2021 1:01:29 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

watch vid, funny

Nov 14, 2021 2:41:55 PM Me

Helpful trigger list

Nov 14, 2021 2:42:17 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Nov 14, 2021 2:42:26 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be online in 20m

Nov 14, 2021 2:42:38 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

You available to chat?

Nov 14, 2021 2:42:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

yeah.

Nov 14, 2021 2:43:01 PM Me

hey, do you have Slack?

Nov 14, 2021 2:43:55 PM Me

you can do voice/video calls inside the app for a while now. A+L uses it. Have channels for different projects, etc. I like it a lot

Nov 14, 2021 2:52:27 PM Me

Just cut my right pointer finger pretty badly. Bleeding pretty good. It was an X-Acto knife. I am trying to get it to Claud and get a bandage on it so I may be a little tardy

Nov 14, 2021 2:54:52 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 14, 2021 3:00:17 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

We can do it this chat too

Nov 14, 2021 3:00:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

I have not used slack for awhile

Nov 14, 2021 3:00:51 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Unpacking car / then to the office

Nov 14, 2021 3:03:23 PM Me

Nov 14, 2021 3:03:37 PM Me

Homemade Firstaid

Nov 14, 2021 3:04:00 PM Me

Have bandaid underneath

Nov 14, 2021 3:05:38 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Nice

Nov 14, 2021 3:37:49 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Calling in 5

Nov 14, 2021 3:42:29 PM Me

Refine Ng coffe

Nov 14, 2021 3:42:44 PM Me

Getting coffee, one sec

Nov 14, 2021 6:58:34 PM Me

Worked on Proposal more. Its getting close.

Nov 14, 2021 9:30:38 PM Me

there will be an eclipse while there:

Nov 14, 2021 9:30:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/lunar/2021-november-19

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Nov 14, 2021 10:01:42 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Made some edits, notes see document What’s missing? Where are we being repetitive? I think we need to put up a phase 1 bid amount? Need graphic(s) that visual represent the journey of the proposal

Nov 14, 2021 10:06:58 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Getting some sleep now I will be up at 4am to finalize the proposal Please add your final input , suggestions and graphic I’ll be sending it to her at 8am tomorrow

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Nov 15, 2021 8:36:08 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning- last thoughts - how much fur discovery and design phase

Nov 15, 2021 10:34:30 AM Me

Hey there, just saw this

Nov 15, 2021 10:34:56 AM +13038752587

No worries- I sent the proposal

Nov 15, 2021 10:35:52 AM Me

I went in and saw the changes

Nov 15, 2021 10:37:43 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Reminder - bring warrior book

Nov 15, 2021 10:37:53 AM Me

K

Nov 15, 2021 10:38:15 AM +13038752587

Suggest and recommend you start to read it on your travels

Nov 15, 2021 10:38:54 AM Me

have lots to do today 😊

Nov 15, 2021 10:38:58 AM Me

button things up

Nov 15, 2021 10:39:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have a meeting soon, errands, packing, and then Declan vs. Darragh @ 3pm

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Nov 15, 2021 10:39:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what I’ve been hanging around for

Nov 15, 2021 10:41:20 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

Get going 🤠

Nov 15, 2021 10:41:55 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ill let you know if I hear anything from the bank today

Nov 15, 2021 10:42:03 AM Me

no 💩

Nov 15, 2021 10:42:17 AM Me

I spent the weekend getting lots done so…

Nov 15, 2021 10:42:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, keep me posted

Nov 15, 2021 10:42:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll ping you.

Nov 15, 2021 6:50:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Who won

Nov 15, 2021 7:58:16 PM Me

Tie 1-1

Nov 15, 2021 8:05:42 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 50 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Nov 16, 2021 8:57:09 AM Me

Sitting at gate. All checked in and ready.

Nov 16, 2021 8:57:41 AM +13038752587

What times your flight

Nov 16, 2021 8:57:49 AM +13038752587

Depart

Nov 16, 2021 8:57:58 AM Me

9

Nov 16, 2021 8:58:10 AM Me

Hour from now, flight takes 3

Nov 16, 2021 9:02:55 AM Me

Also ZERO pressure on you guys to entertain me. I brought plenty to keep me busy. You have little people and I know how busy the can be.

Nov 16, 2021 9:03:50 AM +13038752587

We are counting on you to entertain us 🤪

Nov 16, 2021 9:03:57 AM Me

Haha

Nov 16, 2021 9:04:24 AM Me

Remember, I'm a hermit

Nov 16, 2021 9:04:28 AM +13038752587

Did you check bags

Nov 16, 2021 9:04:32 AM Me

No

Nov 16, 2021 9:05:08 AM Me

Daypack and computer bag

Nov 16, 2021 9:05:51 AM +13038752587

Start reading Warrior

Nov 16, 2021 9:57:48 AM Me

On plane. Looks like we might be in early, maybe 20mins

Nov 16, 2021 9:58:30 AM Me

12:10 instead of 12:30

Nov 16, 2021 10:12:18 AM +13038752587

I’ll keep a watch in it - safe travels

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Nov 16, 2021 12:07:22 PM Me

On the ground

Nov 16, 2021 12:11:01 PM +13038752587

Nov 16, 2021 12:24:45 PM +13038752587

Where are you right now

Nov 16, 2021 12:26:10 PM Me

Terminal B United

Nov 16, 2021 12:26:44 PM +13038752587

Did you get in sub train to main terminal

Nov 16, 2021 12:26:47 PM +13038752587

Yet

Nov 16, 2021 12:26:56 PM Me

No

Nov 16, 2021 12:27:06 PM +13038752587

Answer call

Nov 16, 2021 12:42:02 PM Me

I came.out 410

Nov 17, 2021 2:42:14 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want to meet us at Thompson park to do walk with Willow at 3-3:15p

Nov 18, 2021 4:22:03 PM Me

Nov 19, 2021 12:48:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey ESPN has Lakers vs Celtics starting @ 4:30 today. Think we might be able to have it on at Tree and Don’s?

Nov 20, 2021 11:37:55 AM Me

Just before railroad tracks on way to bike path

Nov 21, 2021 11:59:17 AM Me

Nov 23, 2021 2:44:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Tribal Core

Nov 23, 2021 10:18:31 PM Me

Pics over the past few days

Nov 24, 2021 10:53:44 AM Me

Hey there, hope its going well

Nov 24, 2021 10:54:02 AM Me

Does Tricia know I'm coming to steal her car?

Nov 24, 2021 10:54:35 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, taking it a slow day

Nov 24, 2021 10:54:49 AM +13038752587

Yes - text her

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Nov 24, 2021 10:55:42 AM +13038752587

Is there a slipper in the driveway? Missing one and think it may have fallen out in transit from house to car

Nov 24, 2021 11:01:39 AM Me

Need trees #

Nov 24, 2021 11:03:31 AM Me

Don't see a slipper. Walked out and looked

Nov 24, 2021 11:04:17 AM +13038752587

Click to download Tree.vcf (166.00 B)

Nov 24, 2021 11:09:34 AM +13038752587

Nov 24, 2021 11:09:53 AM Me

Yeah that's not outside

Nov 24, 2021 11:10:57 AM +13038752587

Keep an eye out - could be in house - also it was a bit windy last night may have blown around

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Nov 24, 2021 11:11:59 AM +13038752587

How goe your day?

Nov 24, 2021 11:13:30 AM Me

Ok. Just going to get A+L work done, and then work on my stuff today.

Nov 24, 2021 11:13:48 AM Me

Maybe hike at ponds later

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Nov 24, 2021 11:34:43 AM Me

This your moms #? +1 (303) 909-8921

Nov 24, 2021 11:35:40 AM +13038752587

Yes

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Nov 24, 2021 2:10:32 PM Me

howdy. hope the day is going well with the kiddos

Nov 24, 2021 2:10:39 PM Me

car swap is done.

Nov 24, 2021 2:11:21 PM Me

question: the beverage store we went to with Don… what’s the name of that place? Want to go there and pick something up.

Nov 24, 2021 2:13:06 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 41 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Wyatt’s

Nov 24, 2021 2:27:13 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 27 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Btw - Pat went with another marketing company, which is good because I way underbid it

Nov 24, 2021 2:28:04 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 26 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

The bank presentation e will be around December 15th - waiting on confirmation

Nov 24, 2021 5:35:32 PM +13038752587

Found the slipper 🙃

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Nov 24, 2021 5:35:51 PM +13038752587

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Nov 24, 2021 5:36:54 PM Me

Wow

Nov 24, 2021 5:37:37 PM +13038752587

Nov 24, 2021 6:03:42 PM Me

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Nov 24, 2021 6:03:53 PM Me

93 wine spectator

Nov 24, 2021 6:04:02 PM Me

$31

Nov 25, 2021 11:54:09 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 25, 2021 11:54:51 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃 I sent a video but it failed to send. It’s a gorgeous day - hiking day for sure.

Nov 25, 2021 11:58:59 AM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

These are about 10m drive - one on the east side goes around reservoir The one on the west goes toward the mountains- both are easy hikes

Nov 25, 2021 11:59:35 AM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

The p is the trail heads

Nov 25, 2021 11:59:50 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

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Zoom out a bit

Nov 25, 2021 12:00:21 PM Me

Happy Thanksgiving!!! 🦃🍽🍁

Nov 25, 2021 12:00:37 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

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Nov 25, 2021 12:10:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to head over to Tree’s soon.

Nov 25, 2021 12:11:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what time you eating?

Nov 25, 2021 12:11:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

think 3:30 for us

Nov 25, 2021 12:11:46 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 2 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

4:30

Nov 26, 2021 11:35:53 AM Me

Howdy! Helped Tree with her site. If you give me the Mailchimp I can get it into place.

Nov 26, 2021 12:24:22 PM +13038752587

I’ll send you the code in a bit The list is going to be beyond bora bora and they will get tagged for secrets pdf

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Nov 26, 2021 2:00:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We have the image issues sorted out. I’m cleaning up the footer logos and once mailchimp is installed we can turn on the site.

Nov 26, 2021 2:03:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet - I’ll get the option setup Tonight

Nov 26, 2021 2:04:07 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Optin

Nov 26, 2021 2:04:24 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to grocery store

Nov 26, 2021 2:04:43 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Are you back at our house

Nov 26, 2021 2:04:56 PM +13038752587

Did you eat the rotisserie chicken

Nov 26, 2021 2:04:58 PM Me

yes, just got here about 20mins ago

Nov 26, 2021 2:05:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

some of it, but not all of it

Nov 26, 2021 2:05:22 PM Me

more than 1/2 left

Nov 26, 2021 2:05:39 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Eat it up or freeze it

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Nov 26, 2021 2:06:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going to go to boulder reservoir shortly to move

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Nov 26, 2021 4:36:31 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Call me when you get back

Nov 26, 2021 4:37:08 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

To discuss Estes Park/ rRocky Mtn Park

Nov 26, 2021 4:57:23 PM Me

https://www.gaiagps.com/public/Qd75tARuTHO1z18T6e2gRSPq/

Nov 26, 2021 4:57:23 PM Me

Just over 3 miles

Nov 26, 2021 4:59:57 PM +13038752587

Nice

Nov 26, 2021 7:19:42 PM Me

You will like this talk. You can listen instead of watch

Nov 26, 2021 7:19:45 PM Me

YouTube

Nov 27, 2021 9:25:15 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Drive to Estes Park is 45 min for each of us We will leave here at 9:45

Nov 27, 2021 9:26:33 AM (Read by you after 47 seconds) +13038752587

When you arrive in Estes Park there is a public parking building on you right. You can’t miss it. Park there and go to Kind Coffee

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Nov 27, 2021 9:37:50 AM +13038752587

Bring layers - can get windy up there

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Nov 27, 2021 10:21:09 AM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

We’ll roll into Estes about 11. Enjoy the drive up :)

Nov 27, 2021 10:59:21 AM Me

I’m pretty close

Nov 27, 2021 10:59:38 AM Me

Just parked

Nov 27, 2021 11:02:48 AM Me

I'm Parked and by visitor center

Nov 27, 2021 11:02:54 AM Me

You here?

Nov 27, 2021 11:03:09 AM Me

Going to put on my panrs

Nov 27, 2021 11:05:30 AM +13038752587

Just rolled into town.

Nov 27, 2021 11:05:50 AM +13038752587

We’ll swing by and pick you up

Nov 27, 2021 11:07:32 AM Me

I'm in downstairs parking

Nov 27, 2021 11:08:13 AM +13038752587

Walk across bridge to visitor center. We’re parked in front

Nov 27, 2021 11:08:32 AM Me

K

Nov 27, 2021 11:09:03 AM Me

We're coming back to car before heading back to your place?

Nov 27, 2021 11:09:15 AM +13038752587

Yes

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Nov 30, 2021 8:40:37 AM Me

Good morning. Do you have Trees key somewhere?

Nov 30, 2021 8:42:13 AM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Check the key drawer upstairs

Nov 30, 2021 8:43:15 AM Me

K

Nov 30, 2021 8:48:46 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Dec 01, 2021 11:39:01 AM Me

YouTube

Dec 01, 2021 1:17:27 PM Me

Twitter

Dec 01, 2021 1:20:12 PM Me

Haha

Dec 01, 2021 1:20:14 PM Me

Twitter

Dec 03, 2021 1:56:53 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Just finished lunch

Dec 03, 2021 1:57:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

still working and dont want to stop

Dec 03, 2021 1:57:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

want to get this done today

Dec 03, 2021 1:57:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so its ready for Monday morning meeting

Dec 03, 2021 1:58:37 PM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - will check in around HH time 🍸

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Dec 03, 2021 3:46:46 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

You all finished

Dec 03, 2021 3:46:55 PM Me

no, are you?

Dec 03, 2021 3:47:31 PM Me

had to troubleshoot stuff

Dec 03, 2021 3:48:40 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

We are heading to winter park for ice skating

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Dec 03, 2021 3:48:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

i’m good

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Dec 03, 2021 11:17:22 PM Me

“14 Peaks: Nothing Is Impossible” on Netflix

Dec 03, 2021 11:17:27 PM Me

Dec 04, 2021 2:46:54 PM Me

Dec 04, 2021 5:31:59 PM Me

Dec 04, 2021 9:49:11 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 11 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 04, 2021 10:13:59 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 46 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 05, 2021 1:00:19 PM Me

Hey I’m at your house but no key

Dec 05, 2021 1:01:00 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

We are about 30m away

Dec 05, 2021 1:36:42 PM Me

I’m at tree and dons.

Dec 05, 2021 1:36:46 PM Me

You home?

Dec 05, 2021 1:36:50 PM +13038752587

Yes

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Dec 05, 2021 1:37:19 PM Me

Dons going to bring me over

Dec 05, 2021 1:38:23 PM +13038752587

Ok

Dec 08, 2021 12:34:51 PM Me

you will appreciate this shot:

Dec 08, 2021 12:34:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Dec 08, 2021 9:24:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey, wondering if I may use the car tomorrow to go to 1250 H St, Greeley. I was able to sign up and get a walk-in appt for my covid booster. Gmaps says 37.5 miles, 48 mins each way. So looking at roughly 2.5 hours using the car. Let me know if that will work.

Dec 08, 2021 9:25:07 PM Me

can get there as early as 9am

Dec 08, 2021 9:26:25 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Tomorrow is tough- we only have the one car

Dec 09, 2021 2:08:14 PM Me

Boosted!!

Dec 09, 2021 2:08:19 PM Me

Just got it

Dec 09, 2021 2:08:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

😀

Dec 09, 2021 2:08:36 PM Me

This place is empty and has 7 stations

Dec 09, 2021 4:47:27 PM Me

Voila! All done. Circuit #3 was the winner.

￼￼￼￼

Dec 09, 2021 4:54:34 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet

Dec 09, 2021 5:12:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and I just confirmed it turns off in 5 mins

Dec 09, 2021 5:12:17 PM Me

room is dark

Dec 09, 2021 7:32:07 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

I found something

Dec 09, 2021 7:32:12 PM +13038752587

….

Dec 09, 2021 7:32:17 PM Me

?

Dec 09, 2021 7:32:25 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Can you make a guess

Dec 09, 2021 7:32:40 PM Me

headphones?

Dec 09, 2021 7:32:46 PM +13038752587

Yes

Dec 09, 2021 7:33:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

whooooooo
Sent with Lasers

Dec 09, 2021 7:33:45 PM Me

or wahooo, I misspelled 😊

Dec 09, 2021 7:33:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

stoked you found them

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Dec 09, 2021 11:39:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want to go to the Still museum, this Sunday would be great to see this:

Dec 09, 2021 11:39:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Clyfford Still Museum

Dec 09, 2021 11:41:14 PM Me

be fun to spend one night in Denver. museums by day, restaurant+bar at night - no driving home 😴

Dec 09, 2021 11:43:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

would like to go across the street too and spend a day in here: denverartmuseum.org

Dec 10, 2021 12:11:54 AM Me

hey, came across this interesting analytics company that is growing. this role looks like something that could interest you. Senior Level, working across multiple teams to implement solutions (funnels, etc) to execute marketing plans—FULLY REMOTE:

Dec 10, 2021 12:11:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Heap

Dec 10, 2021 12:13:50 AM Me

more I read what they’re looking for you check all the boxes and then some.

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Dec 10, 2021 4:27:46 PM Me

On way back

Dec 10, 2021 4:28:18 PM +13038752587

Ok

Dec 10, 2021 7:16:35 PM (Read by you after 41 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 10, 2021 7:32:59 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 12, 2021 4:22:58 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Milk 1/2 and 1/2 Organic apples Organic OJ

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Dec 12, 2021 4:26:13 PM Me

Almost done

Dec 12, 2021 10:35:46 PM Me

Here’s the singing bowls I mentioned. Lots of vids

Dec 12, 2021 10:35:49 PM Me

https://consent.youtube.com/ml?continue=https://www.youtube.com/c/HealingVibrationsMedia&gl=GB&hl=en&pc=yt&uxe=23983171&src=1

Dec 13, 2021 11:51:10 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to Lilly dance class - should be back around 1 with the car

Dec 13, 2021 12:01:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sounds good. just off my call and doing work.

Dec 13, 2021 4:58:32 PM Me

Just getting in car. Need anything?

Dec 13, 2021 4:59:20 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll do a quick check

Dec 13, 2021 5:25:24 PM +13038752587

Should be good

Dec 15, 2021 12:44:16 AM Me

Enjoy!

Dec 15, 2021 12:44:20 AM Me

YouTube

Dec 16, 2021 2:33:17 PM Me

Heads up. I may have dropped a cartridge on the floor somewhere downstairs, kitchen, bathroom, not sure. Don’t want kids to stumble on it 😀

Dec 16, 2021 2:33:41 PM Me

Just in case I don’t see this
Sent with Fireworks

Dec 16, 2021 4:00:43 PM +13038752587

What’s it look like

Dec 16, 2021 4:01:07 PM Me

Dec 16, 2021 4:01:17 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Can you pick up a few things on your way home

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Dec 16, 2021 4:01:41 PM Me

Almost done

Dec 16, 2021 4:01:52 PM +13038752587

It can’t be used with out mout piece correct?

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Dec 16, 2021 4:02:23 PM Me

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At the top on the bench

Dec 16, 2021 4:02:47 PM Me

Can’t be used w/o 🔋 battery

Dec 16, 2021 4:03:54 PM +13038752587

Organic milk Organic 1/2 1/2 Cheese cauliflower crust pizza Bacon

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Dec 16, 2021 4:38:06 PM Me

Dec 16, 2021 4:38:18 PM Me

Just got to car

Dec 16, 2021 4:38:31 PM Me

Going to sprouts

Dec 16, 2021 4:44:41 PM +13038752587

Cool

Dec 16, 2021 4:58:04 PM +13038752587

All purpose flour

Dec 16, 2021 5:31:43 PM Me

All done at market

Dec 16, 2021 5:31:49 PM Me

On way back

Dec 16, 2021 5:34:01 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 11 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

😅

Dec 16, 2021 5:34:04 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 11 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Dec 17, 2021 2:49:04 PM Me

All done. Was INCREDIBLE

Dec 17, 2021 5:05:23 PM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?i=1000544848380

Dec 17, 2021 5:05:23 PM Me

Great episode

Dec 17, 2021 10:39:04 PM Me

Photos
Fraser & Granby - 19 Photos

Dec 18, 2021 11:47:45 AM Me

So they didn’t have my prescription filled, and I’m out. It’s Blood Pressure med, and feel like sh*t when I don’t take it. 😞

Dec 18, 2021 11:48:40 AM Me

They’re going to try and fill it today and said come back tomorrow

Dec 18, 2021 2:32:36 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Ready to come over?

Dec 18, 2021 2:32:54 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Willow thought you might like to water color

Dec 18, 2021 2:35:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thought it was carousel?

Dec 18, 2021 2:40:23 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - but we are still at wild bear

Dec 18, 2021 2:41:23 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

And the girls ask for you to come

Dec 18, 2021 2:43:02 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

i’m good, but thank you for the offer!! I’ll be good to go at carousel time.

Dec 18, 2021 2:43:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right now in flow, just arrived a short while ago 😊

Dec 18, 2021 2:43:45 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Dec 18, 2021 3:11:55 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

On my way to pick you up

Dec 18, 2021 3:12:04 PM +13038752587

Be there in 3m

Dec 18, 2021 3:12:45 PM Me

K, working on calling my doc about getting scrip. Have to call the “on call” doctor. Be outside in a minute

Dec 18, 2021 3:13:24 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Dec 18, 2021 6:01:10 PM Me

Made it! Got in my hands. All set

Dec 18, 2021 6:01:33 PM +13038752587

Yahoo 🥳

Dec 18, 2021 6:37:58 PM +13038752587

They may still be at the restaurant if you wanted to catch them

Dec 18, 2021 6:38:20 PM +13038752587

We will all have dinner at Memes tomorrow

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Dec 18, 2021 8:54:08 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Did you want to hike tomorrow

Dec 18, 2021 8:54:19 PM Me

sure

Dec 18, 2021 8:54:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what time you want to leave?

Dec 18, 2021 8:54:34 PM Me

we should do it first

Dec 18, 2021 8:54:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

otherwise won’t happen—trust me 😊

Dec 18, 2021 9:07:27 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Can you be ready at 7

Dec 18, 2021 9:07:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes. coffee on the way?

Dec 18, 2021 9:08:12 PM Me

I can do it thru Starbucks mobile order

Dec 18, 2021 9:08:23 PM +13038752587

Yes

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Dec 18, 2021 9:17:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

check this post out. Talks about 3 ways to get to Green Mountain summit. The roads and locations will make sense to you:

Dec 18, 2021 9:17:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Your Boulder

Dec 18, 2021 9:18:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Gregory Canyon Trailhead — steepest

Dec 18, 2021 9:19:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sorry, Saddle Rock / EM Greenman Approach is steepest

Dec 18, 2021 9:20:05 PM Me

Gregory Canyon is “classic” way

Dec 18, 2021 9:20:40 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

We can loop it too

Dec 18, 2021 9:22:21 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Gregory Canyon approach we can loop. we come to this

Dec 18, 2021 9:22:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

says to take Ranger—more carved out steps and a bit steeper

Dec 18, 2021 9:23:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and come down Greenman, as it’s a slower sloping descent (easier on the knees)

Dec 18, 2021 9:26:11 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like a plan

Dec 18, 2021 9:26:32 PM Me

if we can park in gregory canyon parking lot that would be ideal

Dec 18, 2021 9:27:48 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

We should be able - early and it will still be a bit chilly - if not there is parking about 1/4 mile away

Dec 18, 2021 9:28:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

google map link directly to parking lot:

Dec 18, 2021 9:28:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

39°59'51.3"N 105°17'33.9"W · Gregory Canyon Rd, Boulder, CO 80302

Dec 18, 2021 9:28:42 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 41 seconds) +13038752587

I know it well 😀

Dec 18, 2021 9:30:20 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be up at 6 plan to leave at 7

Dec 18, 2021 9:30:39 PM Me

sounds good. I’m getting my stuff ready now

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Dec 18, 2021 9:31:13 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

Nighty night

Dec 18, 2021 9:32:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

🥱😴😜

Dec 19, 2021 2:08:50 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Jai Thai 2055 Ken Pratt Blvd Longmont CO 80501 United States

Dec 19, 2021 2:08:59 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

mysite

Dec 19, 2021 4:09:00 PM +13038752587

On our way back - be there in 10 - be ready food will be ready right after we pick you up

Dec 20, 2021 10:25:26 AM Me

I’m on third floor. 2 up from where u dropped me off

Dec 20, 2021 10:25:38 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Walking in

Dec 20, 2021 10:25:45 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

E ther in 5

Dec 20, 2021 10:25:51 AM Me

Under the #7 yellow sign

Dec 20, 2021 11:34:47 AM Me

Boarding now. See you on the flip side.

Dec 20, 2021 11:37:26 AM Me

Forgot to express my gratitude 🙏 for your hospitality and kindness. I was there a long time, and I know at some level it adds stress to mix. 😝

Dec 20, 2021 11:56:39 AM +13038752587

It was our pleasure

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Dec 20, 2021 12:00:33 PM +13038752587

What little stress, and I mean very little stress, was far outweighed by the joy and fun you brought to the household 😍😀

Dec 20, 2021 12:04:53 PM Me

Forgot to share one other thought. Feeling that the perception of my trip to others was a lazy, blissed out chill session for 5 weeks. When really I was struggling to find peace in my mind every day, trying to practicing self compassion and generally doing my best to BE with uncomfortable emotions. It was a great visit and enjoyed time spent with you and your family and time spent doing things, but I wouldn’t consider it a vacation.

Dec 20, 2021 12:05:32 PM Me

K, getting ready to takeoff Want us to turn off phones, etc

Dec 20, 2021 12:07:44 PM +13038752587

Safe travels

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Dec 20, 2021 12:08:44 PM +13038752587

Btw - I felt you were doing what you needed to do for you. And Fuck what other peoples perception was.

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Dec 20, 2021 12:08:51 PM +13038752587

Much love ❤️

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Dec 20, 2021 12:10:21 PM +13038752587

Oh yeah / starting to feel the effects from our hike yesterday

Dec 20, 2021 12:11:42 PM Me

I feel ok, although mind isn’t focused on physical pain so much

Dec 20, 2021 2:31:03 PM Me

On the ground in SB

Dec 20, 2021 2:34:25 PM Me

Feeling calm

Dec 20, 2021 2:49:14 PM +13038752587

😀

Dec 20, 2021 4:50:35 PM Me

I’m home. Got great reception from dogs. I was able to keep it together until I saw them

Dec 20, 2021 4:50:55 PM Me

Being back here is a bit overwhelming

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Dec 20, 2021 4:57:56 PM +13038752587

Did you and Liz talk?

Dec 20, 2021 5:12:52 PM +13038752587

The heart is sending you love and support

Dec 20, 2021 5:26:22 PM Me

We have not talked about the long term issue yet

Dec 20, 2021 5:26:48 PM Me

Just out on a hike now. And the difference in air and working hard is incredible

Dec 20, 2021 5:26:58 PM Me

I’m flying up inclines that usually slow me down

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Dec 20, 2021 5:28:29 PM Me

Dec 20, 2021 5:31:19 PM Me

I felt as though on the drive home that she maybe wanted to talk about it, but I don’t want to bring it up. Feeling like I’ll let her bring it up when she feels ready rather than me pushing the issue

Dec 20, 2021 5:32:29 PM Me

She’s distant. No hugs or any physical connection of any kind

Dec 20, 2021 5:37:00 PM +13038752587

So back on the couch for now?

Dec 20, 2021 5:37:53 PM Me

That was my expectation.

Dec 20, 2021 5:38:33 PM Me

Mind keeps wanting to behave like my life before, before the BS

Dec 20, 2021 5:38:52 PM Me

But I’m choosing to stay relaxed and open

Dec 20, 2021 5:39:20 PM Me

My hope is that she can “feel” the lack of negative energy

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Dec 20, 2021 5:46:18 PM +13038752587

Better everyday 😀

Dec 20, 2021 6:10:16 PM +13038752587

Lilly just said during our gratitude time that she was grateful for you going to the museum with us

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Dec 20, 2021 6:52:08 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 46 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

For your enjoyment

Dec 20, 2021 6:52:12 PM +13038752587

YouTube

Dec 21, 2021 9:39:56 AM Me

Good morning Hope the day is off to decent start. Sorry I did t strip the bed 😬 Also, did I leave my big fat headphones there? Think I left them charging in the room

Dec 21, 2021 9:40:43 AM Me

Oh can you have Sarah send the video of husbands who talk at their wives when they come home?

Dec 21, 2021 9:40:53 AM +13038752587

Good morning ☀️ No worries about the bed 🛌 I’ll check in the headphones 🎧

Dec 21, 2021 9:41:15 AM +13038752587

Man park - SNL

Dec 21, 2021 9:42:08 AM +13038752587

We have some clean up in trees site for mobile When do you have 10 m to go over

Dec 21, 2021 9:44:51 AM +13038752587

I get them in the mail next week- avoiding holiday time at post office

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Dec 21, 2021 10:00:49 AM Me

Does an hour work? 11 am your time?? Talk trees site?

Dec 21, 2021 10:49:40 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Dec 21, 2021 10:50:18 AM Me

Haha, let me text u when I’m back. Out walking dog

Dec 21, 2021 10:51:00 AM Me

Be back by 10-15 after the hour. I’ll ping you when I’m on laptop and send a google hangout link

Dec 21, 2021 10:52:42 AM Me

More sore today from hike on Sunday

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Dec 21, 2021 11:21:27 AM Me

Just got in the house. Let me hook up the computer and I’ll ping you

Dec 21, 2021 11:31:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, have a hangout setup

Dec 21, 2021 11:31:51 AM Me

Darrell Tuesday, December 21 · 11:00 – 11:45am Google Meet joining info Video call link: https://meet.google.com/cju-qdhi-wit Or dial: ‪(US) +1 617-675-4444‬ PIN: ‪693 753 177 1713‬# More phone numbers: https://tel.meet/cju-qdhi-wit?pin=6937531771713

Dec 21, 2021 11:32:51 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I’m here

Dec 21, 2021 9:47:08 PM Me

Angry, frustrated, and sad. No outlet. Picking up on the “fuck you” vibes. Drove home from Ventura with boys on phones in back seat. Not one word was said. I kept quiet just allowing space…. And crickets 🦗 🦗 🦗

Dec 21, 2021 9:58:19 PM Me

Having a hard time tonight. Feelings of aloneness are high. Feel abandoned

Dec 21, 2021 10:45:10 PM Me

Twitter

Dec 21, 2021 10:48:51 PM Me

Find it

Dec 22, 2021 8:21:40 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 23 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

If you had access to the stack tool would you do an angry stack?

Dec 22, 2021 8:22:36 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 22 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Love these tweets

Dec 22, 2021 8:23:14 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 21 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

The cold returned last night - coughing and a slight fever

Dec 22, 2021 8:24:02 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 20 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Seems to be a pattern past few Christmas’ Probably related to stress

Dec 22, 2021 8:24:31 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 20 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Text me when you wake up - I m home

Dec 22, 2021 8:26:43 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 11 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

If you had access to the stack tool would you do an angry stack?

Dec 22, 2021 8:27:39 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 10 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

The cold returned last night - coughing and a slight fever

Dec 22, 2021 8:27:40 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 10 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Text me when you wake up - I m home

Dec 22, 2021 8:27:40 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 10 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Love these tweets

Dec 22, 2021 8:27:41 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 10 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Seems to be a pattern past few Christmas’ Probably related to stress

Dec 22, 2021 2:35:38 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Dec 22, 2021 2:38:20 PM Me

Hey, getting on my bike before rain hits shortly

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Dec 22, 2021 4:47:36 PM Me

Came across this connection and is what you need to connect easily to the posts 😀

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Dec 23, 2021 10:15:45 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 56 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Just finished 14 peaks Wow - great story. Lots of good wisdom to apply to my life. Declare what you will do Train - do the work Stay true to yourself Don’t allow others to sway you Fight for what you want Giving up is not an option

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Dec 23, 2021 6:29:34 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

YouTube

Dec 23, 2021 7:32:22 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

:-)

Dec 23, 2021 7:38:27 PM Me

Sent tree some Seo keyword websites

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Dec 23, 2021 8:01:35 PM Me

Also it’s “poker night” in our house. A holiday tradition of sorts. A few folks coming tonight I’ve not seen in 2+yrs. Way before Covid times. Anyhow… off to lose my shirt 👕

Dec 23, 2021 8:01:56 PM Me

I’ll send a picture of the table later

Dec 23, 2021 8:12:09 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like fun 🤩

Dec 23, 2021 9:28:00 PM Me

From my end of the table, Liz is across

Dec 23, 2021 9:43:08 PM Me

Lost a lot early. Good hands but didn’t think others were better

Dec 23, 2021 9:44:39 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

What game - Texas Holdem?

Dec 23, 2021 10:03:34 PM Me

Dealers choice

Dec 23, 2021 10:14:08 PM Me

Dec 24, 2021 12:37:45 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.instagram.com/accounts/login/

Dec 24, 2021 12:37:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dec 24, 2021 11:01:30 AM Me

Twitter

Dec 24, 2021 12:13:06 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 17 seconds) +13038752587

😁

Dec 24, 2021 10:11:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dec 24, 2021 10:49:17 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 31 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Love it

Dec 25, 2021 3:17:35 AM Me

Just putting last thing under the 🌲 My gift to Liz

Dec 25, 2021 3:17:53 AM Me

Merry Christmas 🎄

Dec 25, 2021 12:10:22 PM Me

Merry Christmas 🎄!!! Show Willow and Lilly they got their cake pops from Ziggis! Darragh gobbled his up right away and said it was very good

Dec 25, 2021 2:34:03 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 56 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Nice Merry Christmas 🎄 Willow smiled when she saw the boys with the cake pops

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Loved by Me

Dec 25, 2021 2:34:28 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 55 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Did Liz like her gift

Dec 25, 2021 3:20:45 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 9 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 25, 2021 5:31:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

she did like it — made me happy. She put both necklaces on immediately.

Dec 25, 2021 5:32:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also, lots of language about “us” in future tense.

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Dec 25, 2021 11:10:01 PM Me

Sux. 2 xmases in a row spending night alone…

Dec 25, 2021 11:12:40 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 21 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

?

Dec 25, 2021 11:12:58 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 21 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Where’s everyone

Dec 26, 2021 11:17:47 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Family is sick. After you left I came down with a cold - thought it was the same one or sinus infection I had but now see it wasn’t. Last week lots of coughing at night for me. I am feeling much better today. Lilly and Sarah are in the middle of it. Willow seems to be handling it better. Tested me and Lilly for Covid. Both negative 😀 Just a nasty cold. It’s hard to hear Lilly being all congested

Dec 26, 2021 11:19:11 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

The worry factor is high during the pandemic. “It too shall pass” 😍

Dec 26, 2021 11:25:51 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

The worry factor is high during the pandemic. “It too shall pass” 😍

Dec 26, 2021 11:34:14 AM +13038752587

Family is sick. After you left I came down with a cold - thought it was the same one or sinus infection I had but now see it wasn’t. Last week lots of coughing at night for me. I am feeling much better today. Lilly and Sarah are in the middle of it. Willow seems to be handling it better. Tested me and Lilly for Covid. Both negative 😀 Just a nasty cold. It’s hard to hear Lilly being all congested

Dec 27, 2021 1:26:11 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Dec 27, 2021 1:26:21 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

😀

Dec 27, 2021 2:03:45 PM Me

Sorry to hear you’re all sick 🤒

Dec 27, 2021 2:03:52 PM Me

Hope u feel better soon

Dec 27, 2021 2:04:12 PM Me

In LA at art exhibition

Dec 27, 2021 2:04:16 PM Me

Banksy

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Dec 27, 2021 2:11:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 3 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have time tomorrow or tonight to do some touch up design? I’ll be adding specials to Trees site today

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Dec 28, 2021 1:35:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, I can work on trees site right now.

Dec 28, 2021 1:35:13 PM Me

Anything in particular other than general responsive formatting?

Dec 28, 2021 1:35:32 PM +13038752587

Give me 5 and I’ll call you I’m in there

Dec 28, 2021 1:35:40 PM +13038752587

And I set up a staging site

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Dec 28, 2021 1:43:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

was outside, one minute

Dec 28, 2021 3:13:40 PM Me

Forgot to mention you should be getting an Amazon delivery 📦 today Got u 2 things you’ll like

Dec 28, 2021 3:25:31 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Dec 28, 2021 3:25:38 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Can’t wait

Dec 28, 2021 3:25:42 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Thank you

Dec 28, 2021 5:04:41 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Can you send me the horizontal logo for Beyond with a transparent background in png please 😁

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Dec 28, 2021 6:33:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just emailed logos to you.

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Dec 28, 2021 6:34:04 PM Me

apologies for delay

Dec 28, 2021 6:36:12 PM (Read by you after 19 hours, 46 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

No word from - Bank Not expecting contact until mid January

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Dec 29, 2021 2:23:17 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

hey there. working on finishing up Trees site. Working on styling deals. The other issues should be addressed, but I still need to double check them. Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions. Hope you’re feeling better

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Dec 29, 2021 6:30:15 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks for the books 📚 😀

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Dec 29, 2021 6:53:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hope you like those books. Easy to digest

Dec 29, 2021 6:53:21 PM Me

Just finished basic styling of the specials:

Dec 29, 2021 6:53:23 PM Me

https://staging2.beyondborabora.com/destinations/

Dec 29, 2021 6:53:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Note that each special is in the content twice. Once for desktop/tablet, once for mobile.

Dec 29, 2021 6:54:12 PM Me

Right now button links go nowhere, but you can go in and set them to whatever you like.

Dec 29, 2021 6:55:24 PM Me

#frenchpoly is the anchor for the polynesian specials

Dec 29, 2021 6:56:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://staging2.beyondborabora.com/destinations/#frenchpoly

Dec 29, 2021 6:56:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

takes you right there

Dec 29, 2021 6:56:42 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

Viewing now

Dec 29, 2021 6:57:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://staging2.beyondborabora.com/destinations#reopenfiji

Dec 29, 2021 6:57:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

gets you to the Fiji special

Dec 29, 2021 7:08:45 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I’ll check in a bit / bedtime for the girls begins

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Dec 29, 2021 7:56:52 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

You mentioned sleep meditation for kids - who was that?

Dec 29, 2021 8:12:41 PM Me

YouTube

Dec 29, 2021 8:13:25 PM Me

This one looks good. Has its own app too

Dec 29, 2021 8:13:26 PM Me

https://youtube.com/c/NewHorizonHolisticCentre

Dec 29, 2021 8:14:15 PM Me

https://youtu.be/nsPo4T3v6dA

Dec 29, 2021 8:24:44 PM +13038752587

Thanks 🙏

Dec 30, 2021 1:52:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi, another rainy day here. Any tweaks to make to Tree’s site? Remember the “Book Now” is not linking to anything at the moment.

Dec 30, 2021 2:24:07 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Can you Change the “Book Now” to link to calendly?

Dec 30, 2021 2:24:17 PM Me

Sure, easy to do

Dec 30, 2021 2:24:29 PM +13038752587

Thanks

Dec 30, 2021 2:24:40 PM Me

how about all the styling issues that needed fixing?? Are they good? Do you see them corrected?

Dec 30, 2021 2:25:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And then the styling right now for the specials is just simple and plain. More important to be functional and digestible, than fancy

Dec 30, 2021 2:33:22 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 39 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Just driving out of the city. I’ll reach out when we get home.

Dec 30, 2021 3:45:01 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 27 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Major grass fires 🔥 just south of Boulder- two towns evacuated

Dec 30, 2021 3:45:19 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 27 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 30, 2021 6:09:05 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Glow of the fire from Longmont

Dec 30, 2021 6:10:16 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

About 12 miles away

Dec 30, 2021 7:35:14 PM Me

Twitter is lit up about fire

Dec 30, 2021 7:35:34 PM Me

Everything looks to be south of Boulder

Dec 30, 2021 7:35:42 PM Me

But moving what way?

Dec 30, 2021 7:41:40 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

West

Dec 30, 2021 7:43:32 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

500+ structures gone

Dec 30, 2021 7:43:54 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

21000+ ppl displaced

Dec 30, 2021 7:46:03 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Transformer got blown down - high winds fueling the fires

Dec 30, 2021 7:46:51 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Snow storm due tomorrow- need the winds to stop

Dec 30, 2021 7:47:07 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Big snow storm

Dec 30, 2021 7:57:16 PM Me

That’s the storms we’ve had. Rained all day here

Dec 30, 2021 10:49:00 PM Me

Twitter

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Dec 31, 2021 9:35:25 AM +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/fav-5-one-tip-to-radically-improve-your-life

Dec 31, 2021 9:35:41 AM +13038752587

Make it happen

Dec 31, 2021 9:45:20 AM +13038752587

Best you can for now

Dec 31, 2021 9:45:24 AM +13038752587

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LAQWWR6eKkH-houeJz_qi5bwP8rwgswNWY0TZctcRbM/mobilebasic

Dec 31, 2021 10:48:04 AM Me

Twitter

Dec 31, 2021 10:55:57 AM Me

Twitter

Dec 31, 2021 1:12:29 PM Me

Betty White has passed

Dec 31, 2021 1:12:48 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Oh no - sad

Dec 31, 2021 1:12:58 PM +13038752587

She had a great life

Dec 31, 2021 1:13:06 PM Me

All over web

Dec 31, 2021 1:13:19 PM Me

11 days from 100th birthday

Dec 31, 2021 1:16:13 PM +13038752587

Oh man - thought she already made the milestone

Dec 31, 2021 1:16:37 PM +13038752587

She had a fantastic ride

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Dec 31, 2021 1:28:39 PM Me

Dec 31, 2021 1:43:54 PM +13038752587

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Dec 31, 2021 1:44:09 PM +13038752587

Heavy snow setting in

Dec 31, 2021 1:52:07 PM Me

Maybe ⛄️

Dec 31, 2021 1:52:19 PM Me

Rain ☔️ let up today

Dec 31, 2021 1:52:41 PM Me

Dec 31, 2021 1:52:49 PM Me

Drying things out

Dec 31, 2021 2:09:13 PM +13038752587

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Dec 31, 2021 2:09:25 PM Me

Had time to check trees site?

Dec 31, 2021 3:29:01 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

No

Dec 31, 2021 3:29:09 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Yes and no

Dec 31, 2021 3:29:41 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Checked it out in staging - desktop seemed off

Dec 31, 2021 3:29:53 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Need to push it live

Dec 31, 2021 3:38:18 PM Me

Let me know when u do

Dec 31, 2021 5:18:13 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Pretty with the lights

Dec 31, 2021 5:18:24 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 31, 2021 6:09:57 PM Me

very cool. still snowing?

Dec 31, 2021 6:42:06 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Dec 31, 2021 6:42:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

All night

Dec 31, 2021 8:22:37 PM Me

Merry New Years!!

Dec 31, 2021 8:22:40 PM Me

YouTube

Dec 31, 2021 8:23:14 PM +13038752587

Happy New Year

Dec 31, 2021 8:23:31 PM Me

Did you watch?

Dec 31, 2021 8:23:39 PM Me

😛

Dec 31, 2021 8:23:39 PM +13038752587

No

Dec 31, 2021 8:23:53 PM +13038752587

Will watch now

Dec 31, 2021 8:24:03 PM Me

30 secs

Dec 31, 2021 8:24:39 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Dec 31, 2021 8:26:25 PM Me

I remember NYE losing its magic after kids

Dec 31, 2021 8:26:54 PM Me

Slowly coming back for me I think. Darragh will be 16 this summer

Dec 31, 2021 8:27:37 PM +13038752587

Putting girls to bed

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Dec 31, 2021 8:28:12 PM Me

Use the YouTube story channel

Dec 31, 2021 8:28:44 PM Me

It will help. Get lights low… 😴💤💤💤💤💤

Jan 01, 2022 8:54:33 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 10 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Happy 😃 New Year 🎊🎉

Jan 01, 2022 9:35:38 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 29 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

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Jan 01, 2022 11:06:49 AM Me

HNY

Jan 01, 2022 11:38:27 AM Me

Jan 01, 2022 11:38:40 AM Me

New year, clean face.

Jan 01, 2022 11:39:09 AM +13038752587

Wow / looks great

Jan 01, 2022 11:39:47 AM Me

My face looks and feels smaller

Jan 01, 2022 11:40:09 AM +13038752587

Yes it does

Jan 01, 2022 12:04:00 PM Me

Jan 01, 2022 12:07:22 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

I was telling Sarah you found a time machine

Jan 01, 2022 12:07:33 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

You shaved off some years

Jan 01, 2022 12:07:48 PM Me

No doubt

Jan 01, 2022 12:08:25 PM Me

Getting shoes on and hitting the wet, drying trails.

Jan 01, 2022 12:08:35 PM Me

50ish here, sunny

Jan 01, 2022 12:09:03 PM +13038752587

We mark the our birthdays after we have lived the year. So, my calculations is she live 100 years and 348 days

Jan 01, 2022 12:09:10 PM Me

If I used the comb in hair color I could take more years off

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Jan 01, 2022 12:09:52 PM Me

Have some wrinkles but not too many

Jan 01, 2022 12:11:23 PM +13038752587

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Jan 01, 2022 12:11:34 PM +13038752587

Got a new do yesterday

Jan 01, 2022 12:12:09 PM Me

Need a new pic of the fam for the fridge

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Jan 01, 2022 4:29:02 PM +13038752587

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Estes park - in town for Xmas with the Bosley family

Jan 01, 2022 5:01:30 PM Me

Out in the backyard with my friends 😁 A favorite thing to do

Jan 01, 2022 5:02:39 PM Me

Jan 01, 2022 5:04:01 PM Me

Places I haunt… Literally my ghost, and ghosts of dogs 🐕 will be hiking these hills for eternity 😀

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Jan 01, 2022 5:10:13 PM Me

Click to download CL.loc.vcf (215.00 B)

Jan 01, 2022 5:15:34 PM Me

https://www.gaiagps.com/public/yoIsEdy7MyNKinNffoAo0lVR/

Jan 01, 2022 5:15:34 PM Me

Here’s my hike from the Gaia GPS app.

Jan 03, 2022 8:10:13 PM Me

Haha

Jan 03, 2022 8:10:21 PM Me

Twitter

Jan 03, 2022 8:25:41 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 35 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Haha

Jan 04, 2022 12:01:52 PM Me

Hope you are all feeling better out there!

Jan 04, 2022 2:16:42 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

We are - my sinuses still be a bit out of whack. Kids are good. Sarah mostly recovered

Jan 04, 2022 2:18:19 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Quick question

Jan 04, 2022 2:19:14 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

The mustard you bought while your were here. Did you open it? Just found it in cupboard and the seal was broken

Jan 04, 2022 2:23:36 PM Me

I think I did, can’t remember for sure

Jan 04, 2022 3:05:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - just being cautious. I always get a bit nervous with broken seals

Jan 04, 2022 5:24:17 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Twitter

Jan 05, 2022 3:48:07 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

More snow ❄️ today

Jan 05, 2022 3:48:35 PM Me

👍

Jan 05, 2022 3:48:55 PM Me

Off to Declans first Home soccer game

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Jan 05, 2022 3:49:03 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 46 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 05, 2022 3:49:33 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 46 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

The bird sound is a young falcon I believe

Jan 05, 2022 3:50:06 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 45 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Go Declan 🥅

Jan 07, 2022 5:43:22 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

Did he win? How are you? New cold or this one is lingering Temp 101.6 - no Covid Go to Doc on Monday

Jan 07, 2022 5:45:43 PM Me

Lost 7-1. Headed to 2nd game now. I’m ok. 1 day at time. You’ve been sick for almost a month 😷 no bueno. Hope u feel better soon

Jan 07, 2022 6:04:07 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Me too

Jan 07, 2022 6:05:32 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Keeps going and coming back Noticed felt better did Green Mtn hike- felt bad again Felt bette me shoveled - felt bad again

Jan 07, 2022 6:05:55 PM +13038752587

Laying low until it is gone for good

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Jan 07, 2022 6:06:00 PM +13038752587

Good luck

Jan 07, 2022 6:06:07 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Declan

Jan 09, 2022 11:54:12 AM Me

Cool mask. Programable!!

Jan 09, 2022 12:12:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hope you and the family are doing well

Jan 09, 2022 12:22:31 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

We are all pretty sick 🤒 Sarah is on the upside Lilly too Willow and I are in the middle of it

Jan 09, 2022 12:24:07 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll go see the doc tomorrow- we tested negative for Covid. This cold is a nasty

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Jan 10, 2022 10:41:16 AM Me

Twitter

Jan 10, 2022 5:34:59 PM Me

COVID is in our house. Declan tested definitively positive just now. Lockdown for me this week.

Jan 10, 2022 8:15:06 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Bummer- any symptoms? How is he?

Jan 10, 2022 8:16:43 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Doc tested me today as well I present with many of the symptoms

Jan 10, 2022 8:16:54 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Hoping not

Jan 10, 2022 8:18:36 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

They did a chest X-ray - all clear. Gave me a round of antibiotics since there may be an underlying infection

Jan 10, 2022 8:59:09 PM Me

He’s feels ok right now but complains about being tired

Jan 12, 2022 10:04:24 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Jan 12, 2022 10:04:44 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Heard your not feeling well.

Jan 12, 2022 10:05:43 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

How’s Declan doing?

Jan 12, 2022 10:06:10 AM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Is everyone else Covid free?

Jan 12, 2022 10:40:11 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

I have a friend who had Covid bad and did this to help recovery. She started to feel better in 2 days. Every morning I took: 26 mg of ivermectin Two tablets of the quercetin plus D3 One tablet of the sink, echinacea, and vitamin C Jill said she also took an extra tablet of D3 plus K2 I also did a nasal saline rinse every morning and every night, see the picture for what I put into it. And at night I took two of the melatonin. You can order all of these things online except for the ivermectin.

Jan 12, 2022 11:25:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Declan is doing fine. I’m good. He’s largely asymptomatic

Jan 12, 2022 11:25:22 AM Me

we’re all good, just have COVID in the house

Jan 12, 2022 11:27:47 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

When can you chat today? Making some additions to Trees site.

Jan 12, 2022 11:55:31 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 12, 2022 11:57:30 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Just opened site and the filter doesn’t cover entire screen. Did you make any edits? It did used to be full screen-right?

Jan 12, 2022 12:02:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes, was full screen

Jan 12, 2022 12:02:42 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

My mind is still a bit fuzzy from this last cold

Jan 12, 2022 12:03:29 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

I’m going to send you a link to suggested edits - let me know your thoughts before I start to make them

Jan 12, 2022 12:05:03 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Also need a tagline for the company? Any thoughts 💭 South Pacific luxury experiences

Jan 12, 2022 12:06:54 PM +13038752587

Tree has sent you the review on 1/7

Jan 12, 2022 12:07:05 PM Me

‘south pacific luxury travel’

Jan 12, 2022 12:07:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

experience could happen anywhere, travel implies I’m going there

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Jan 12, 2022 12:08:20 PM Me

i could have a South Pacific Luxury Experience by VR, not really the same 😊

Jan 12, 2022 12:09:46 PM +13038752587

Like Arnold in total recall

Jan 12, 2022 12:09:47 PM Me

I did get that email

Jan 12, 2022 12:09:50 PM +13038752587

😀

Jan 12, 2022 12:16:38 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

What time can you get on a call today?

Jan 12, 2022 5:51:06 PM Me

Sorry didn’t get back

Jan 12, 2022 5:51:48 PM Me

Feeling very broken

Jan 12, 2022 5:52:08 PM Me

💔

Jan 12, 2022 5:52:40 PM Me

Liz unloaded on me

Jan 12, 2022 5:55:50 PM Me

The pain is nearly unbearable

Jan 12, 2022 7:11:00 PM Me

I’m back. She’s here. Said nothing to me. I did leave her a rose and a note before I left.

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Jan 12, 2022 7:11:35 PM Me

Feeling very defeated

Jan 12, 2022 7:13:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 38 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Understandable.

Jan 12, 2022 10:51:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

u around?

Jan 12, 2022 10:52:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

if near asleep and woke u — we can talk in morning and fix Tree’s site. I’m ok. Can update you tomorrow

Jan 13, 2022 8:47:17 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

I was asleep 💤 Let me know when you are awake

Jan 13, 2022 9:52:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

getting coffee. will ping when I’m at the desk

Jan 13, 2022 10:58:21 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Good coffee ☕️

Jan 13, 2022 10:58:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

almost ready. just sat down.

Jan 13, 2022 10:58:50 AM Me

long night / early morning

Jan 13, 2022 10:58:59 AM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

It ok - I just saw your message

Jan 13, 2022 10:59:09 AM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Getting my tea and water

Jan 13, 2022 10:59:25 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s plan for 10m

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Jan 13, 2022 11:16:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there.

Jan 13, 2022 11:17:47 AM Me

can you do a hangout?

Jan 13, 2022 11:19:42 AM Me

i’ @ computer

Jan 13, 2022 11:21:16 AM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jan 13, 2022 11:21:31 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Send link

Jan 13, 2022 11:21:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jan 13, 2022 11:26:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BoraBora Thursday, January 13 · 10:30 – 11:30am Google Meet joining info Video call link:

Jan 13, 2022 11:26:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://meet.google.com/

Jan 13, 2022 12:16:04 PM Me

Iy end

Jan 13, 2022 12:16:05 PM Me

my end

Jan 13, 2022 12:16:05 PM Me

network

Jan 13, 2022 12:16:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one sec

Jan 13, 2022 3:24:19 PM Me

sent you email with links

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Jan 13, 2022 4:16:53 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 13, 2022 4:17:39 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Added the language suggested in Hannah’s review- she recommended this on every CTA

Jan 13, 2022 4:18:30 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Staging site

Jan 13, 2022 4:23:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

are you saying you did that already?

Jan 13, 2022 4:23:36 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jan 13, 2022 4:24:26 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

So you have the words - I did not add it everywhere there is a CTA

Jan 13, 2022 4:25:07 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

each CTA may need it’s only style?

Jan 13, 2022 4:25:39 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Your specialty 🧐

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Jan 13, 2022 4:35:43 PM Me

Hey, talking to A+L in the next hour.

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Jan 13, 2022 4:35:46 PM Me

GTD

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Jan 13, 2022 4:35:59 PM Me

Email sent to you

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Jan 13, 2022 4:36:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Email sent to prospective coach

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Jan 13, 2022 4:37:01 PM Me

About to cut Aidans hair, and then working on my website rest of the night.

Jan 13, 2022 4:37:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Listen to good music and crank it out.

Jan 13, 2022 4:45:03 PM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

🤩

Jan 13, 2022 6:16:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

just off call with Daisey @ A+L. was on call for 45mins, only meant to be 15, whoops

Jan 13, 2022 6:16:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

VERY good talk.

Jan 13, 2022 6:17:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I shared a lot of what’s up and where I am

Jan 13, 2022 6:17:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

For the meantime, I’ll still have work on the website. Other projects I’ll talk to the President, Bob and see what’s possible.

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Jan 13, 2022 6:17:47 PM Me

walking dogs then back to work on Trees site

Jan 13, 2022 7:37:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just back

Jan 13, 2022 7:39:45 PM Me

reading another article by Imi. This post describes the “underfunctioner (me), and overfunctioner (liz)” in our relationship dynamic and the way I experience it EXTREMELY well

Jan 13, 2022 7:39:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Medium

Jan 13, 2022 7:40:38 PM +13038752587

I’ll take a read tonight

Jan 13, 2022 7:42:39 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 13, 2022 7:42:52 PM +13038752587

Day 2 of glue repair

Jan 13, 2022 7:43:00 PM Me

oh excellent

Jan 13, 2022 7:44:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this one is also excellent

Jan 13, 2022 7:44:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Eggshell Coaching

Jan 13, 2022 7:45:59 PM Me

I like her writing style and way of communicating. Its very clear to me. not EVERYTHING is a total match in her writing, but more than 75% on everything I’ve read so far

Jan 13, 2022 7:46:48 PM Me

matches up with my experiences and puts into words things I cannot describe, but have lived and been unable to explain—therefore I swallow it 😊

Jan 13, 2022 7:47:31 PM Me

in some ways its like I just found a decoder ring 💍

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Jan 13, 2022 7:52:40 PM Me

k Trees website time

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Jan 13, 2022 8:45:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

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love this

Jan 13, 2022 9:02:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

dont know how I’m still @ computer…

Jan 13, 2022 9:02:28 PM Me

updating WordPress to 5.8.3

Jan 13, 2022 9:03:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also these 4 plugins

Jan 13, 2022 9:20:15 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I’m unplugging for the night now

Jan 13, 2022 9:20:25 PM +13038752587

Sleep well 😴

Jan 13, 2022 9:20:29 PM Me

k, almost done with the text above button

Jan 13, 2022 9:20:36 PM Me

I’ll send you links to look at

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Jan 13, 2022 9:21:00 PM Me

good nite

Jan 13, 2022 9:21:05 PM Me

im wiped out

Jan 13, 2022 9:21:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

really tired

Jan 13, 2022 9:21:16 PM Me

but Im not crying

Jan 13, 2022 9:22:03 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Finish this last task and turn off all screens. Then go to sleep 😴

Jan 13, 2022 9:23:50 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

You deserve a good 12 hr sleep

Jan 13, 2022 9:24:00 PM Me

I wish

Jan 13, 2022 9:24:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll see when my body wakes up

Jan 13, 2022 9:24:49 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Nighty night

Jan 13, 2022 9:24:56 PM Me

good night

Jan 14, 2022 12:16:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey there. checking in on the changes I made.

Jan 14, 2022 12:16:43 PM Me

Everything good?

Jan 14, 2022 12:16:46 PM Me

How are you feeling?

Jan 14, 2022 12:16:56 PM Me

and the family?

Jan 14, 2022 12:17:48 PM Me

people laying low here. COVID seems to be peaking in the house right now.

Jan 14, 2022 12:18:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Weird that COVID hit our family, and then I have the talk with Liz about the future. Timing is just too weird.

Jan 14, 2022 12:44:04 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

I’m middle of something- I’ll check in later

Jan 14, 2022 12:44:13 PM Me

k

Jan 14, 2022 12:44:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

everything OK?

Jan 14, 2022 12:44:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

u good??

Jan 14, 2022 2:02:25 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

I’m ok - think the antibiotics are messing with me energy level

Jan 14, 2022 2:02:40 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Checking changes now

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Jan 14, 2022 2:29:41 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Talk time?

Jan 14, 2022 2:38:02 PM +13038752587

Hola

Jan 14, 2022 2:38:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m going to be talking to my mom, and then I need to get back on my website stuff. Its been stalled and sooner I get it out there the sooner I get more work. Otherwise I’ll be working some weird job in downtown Ojai that I can walk to because I dont have a car, and I’ll likely end up living somewhere near town.

Jan 14, 2022 2:38:31 PM +13038752587

😀

Jan 14, 2022 2:38:34 PM Me

can I ping you later?

Jan 14, 2022 2:38:41 PM Me

after I get something done?

Jan 14, 2022 2:38:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes

Jan 14, 2022 2:38:58 PM Me

cool. I’ll do that. May be a 2-3 hours

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Jan 14, 2022 3:08:49 PM Me

Jan 14, 2022 3:10:58 PM Me

My desk

Jan 14, 2022 3:12:03 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jan 14, 2022 5:04:54 PM Me

That’s a video btw

Jan 14, 2022 5:09:55 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

I watched

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Jan 14, 2022 9:29:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Jan 15, 2022 12:35:00 AM Me

Jan 15, 2022 7:47:55 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 48 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

That’s great

Jan 15, 2022 1:25:33 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Start mining ⛏ PI

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Jan 15, 2022 2:29:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I am

Jan 15, 2022 7:04:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dude…

Jan 15, 2022 7:04:19 PM Me

😟

Jan 15, 2022 7:04:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Jan 15, 2022 7:04:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I gots the COVID.

Jan 15, 2022 7:05:04 PM Me

Whole house tested positive today.

Jan 15, 2022 7:05:15 PM Me

Lockdown until test again next Thursday.

Jan 15, 2022 7:24:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Oh no 🙉 Everyone? Are you all doing well?

Jan 15, 2022 7:26:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes. We all tested today. Open testing on campus.

Jan 15, 2022 7:27:22 PM Me

all 3 of them tested +

Jan 15, 2022 7:27:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and I thought “what are the chances I have it???”

Jan 15, 2022 7:28:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So ran over, they were still open testing. Swabbed up both nostrils. Test takes like 30 mins for results

Jan 15, 2022 7:31:05 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

And everyone feels ok?

Jan 15, 2022 7:32:26 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 2 seconds) +13038752587

We keep hearing about folks we know who got it too. Seems everyone had mild to no symptoms- all vaccinated

Jan 15, 2022 7:33:24 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Watching movie with girls - phones upstairs

Jan 15, 2022 7:33:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah. think its inevitable for most ppl

Jan 15, 2022 11:07:58 PM Me

Jan 16, 2022 5:06:16 PM Me

Feeling any better? Antibiotics kick in?

Jan 16, 2022 7:53:28 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Feeling better - cold almost gone Not sure if antibiotics did anything

Jan 16, 2022 8:05:26 PM Me

Jan 16, 2022 8:05:31 PM Me

Sticker I got

Jan 16, 2022 8:06:21 PM Me

I’m currently in the My God! What have I done phase

Jan 16, 2022 8:07:19 PM +13038752587

Love the Talking Heads

Jan 16, 2022 8:07:41 PM +13038752587

Great sticker

Jan 16, 2022 8:08:02 PM Me

Glad to hear 👂 you’re feeling better

Jan 16, 2022 8:08:13 PM Me

Not feeling so hot

Jan 16, 2022 8:08:30 PM Me

The feeling you have before u get sick

Jan 16, 2022 8:08:48 PM Me

Like fever 🤒 not barf 🤮

Jan 16, 2022 8:08:59 PM +13038752587

Uh oh

Jan 16, 2022 8:09:32 PM +13038752587

Start getting the fluids and vitaminC and D

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Jan 16, 2022 8:09:47 PM Me

I’ll be sending you some links shortly to case studies I’ve written. I’m setting them up in edit suggestion mood. That way you can suggest edits to me if you like. I need some people to read these before I publish them just saw that they make sense to someone outside my own head

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Jan 16, 2022 8:10:08 PM +13038752587

Unfortunately I know the feeling to well - like groundhogs day since Dec 5

Jan 16, 2022 8:10:20 PM Me

Citrus martini and White Russians

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Jan 16, 2022 8:10:30 PM Me

Good fluids

Jan 16, 2022 8:10:46 PM Me

With C and D

Jan 16, 2022 8:11:34 PM Me

Stay tuned to email. Sending tonight. Also my resume

Jan 16, 2022 8:12:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Your body has the defenses in place.

Jan 16, 2022 8:12:43 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I’ll read through things tomorrow

Jan 16, 2022 9:58:51 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Jan 16, 2022 10:38:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

HAHAHAHAHA

Jan 16, 2022 10:38:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Jan 17, 2022 9:04:16 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 55 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Jan 17, 2022 1:59:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just sent you links

Jan 17, 2022 2:00:02 PM (Read by them after 22 seconds) Me

Twitter

Jan 17, 2022 2:00:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool

Jan 17, 2022 2:00:13 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

How do you feel today

Jan 17, 2022 2:08:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

same as yesterday

Jan 17, 2022 2:08:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Good

Jan 17, 2022 2:09:03 PM +13038752587

Hopefully it’s stays that way

Jan 17, 2022 2:09:17 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll open links whe. I get home

Jan 17, 2022 2:09:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

headed out to walk as its going to rain later today. nothing too strenuous. I went on an EASY hike yesterday that turned out NOT to be easy—I was walking VERY slow. My body wouldn’t let me go any faster

Jan 17, 2022 2:09:52 PM Me

So shorter and more flat today

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Jan 17, 2022 9:24:05 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

😊

Jan 17, 2022 9:24:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Medium

Jan 18, 2022 1:22:56 PM (Read by you after 54 seconds) +13038752587

Edits sent

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Jan 18, 2022 1:23:43 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

How you feeling today? Ran into Hunter, he said he had very little symptoms from Covid

Jan 18, 2022 1:31:21 PM Me

Fatigue, lethargy, body aches

Jan 18, 2022 1:31:39 PM Me

No respiratory issues 👍

Jan 18, 2022 1:32:07 PM Me

Got trees email. She officially launched now?

Jan 18, 2022 2:11:33 PM +13038752587

Yes

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Jan 18, 2022 2:12:00 PM +13038752587

Need to push staging live after a couple more edits

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Jan 18, 2022 2:13:13 PM +13038752587

On your resume- is Thacher and Jansen too long ago ?

Jan 18, 2022 2:35:19 PM Me

Do you mean not include them?

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Jan 18, 2022 2:35:33 PM Me

And anything before that?

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Jan 18, 2022 2:36:03 PM +13038752587

Yes

Jan 18, 2022 2:37:01 PM Me

Mmm… Let me think about that. Just had an idea but need to let it simmer while I process images for case studies

Jan 18, 2022 2:53:23 PM Me

Jensen was where I started on the web. Thacher I designed and built the entire website TWICE. Last version was online for nearly 10 years (info design was 💶

Jan 18, 2022 2:53:49 PM Me

But I think I understand why you say drop them

Jan 18, 2022 2:54:29 PM Me

I have this business card design idea for my resume…

Jan 18, 2022 2:54:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But before I get fancy with UX, I need to get the MVP online. Then trick it out later.

Jan 18, 2022 2:55:02 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Makes sense

Jan 18, 2022 2:55:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

otherwise it will take a couple months to get it online

Jan 18, 2022 2:55:45 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Can you make the about header look like the contact header in Trees site?

Jan 18, 2022 2:56:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Jan 18, 2022 5:10:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Jan 18, 2022 6:12:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey, should be good now

Jan 18, 2022 6:12:34 PM Me

https://staging2.beyondborabora.com/about/

Jan 18, 2022 6:39:57 PM Me

My dads been in hospital all day. Fell and hit his head. Was unconscious. He’s ok but waiting for more from Russ

Jan 18, 2022 7:17:32 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Oh shit. Keep me updated

Jan 18, 2022 7:17:40 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Is he still at hospital

Jan 18, 2022 7:32:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The latest is that they did a CT scan. They see some things so sending him to Albany Med for more tests, and overnight observation. He broke 2 ribs in the thoracic area. They’re watching for internal bleeding or brain swelling.

Jan 18, 2022 7:33:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

He stays at Albany Med overnight

Jan 18, 2022 7:33:09 PM Me

My mom is at home for the night.

Jan 18, 2022 7:33:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Imagine your mom has been in touch with mine

Jan 18, 2022 7:44:21 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - just got the 411 from her as you were texting me

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Jan 18, 2022 7:51:58 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Scary - Sarah fell yesterday skating with Willow and hit her head - shook her up. Hope everything is alright with your dad.

Jan 18, 2022 7:52:38 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

He’s pretty hard headed 😀 so I imagine he’ll be good to go home tomorrow

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Jan 18, 2022 7:54:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

here’s a vid in 2 parts. late 80’s martin short, christopher guest, and harry shearer — f-ing HILARIOUS

Jan 18, 2022 7:54:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dropbox

Jan 18, 2022 7:55:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dropbox

Jan 19, 2022 2:56:27 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 19 seconds) +13038752587

How ya feeling?

Jan 19, 2022 2:56:35 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 11 seconds) +13038752587

How’s everyone feeling

Jan 19, 2022 2:56:42 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 4 seconds) +13038752587

How’s your Dad?

Jan 19, 2022 4:58:11 PM Me

hey there. feeling ok, just fatigue and unable to concentrate for super long periods of time

Jan 19, 2022 4:58:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Declan and Darragh feel great. Liz has a lingering cough and I think fatigue, but that’s it for us.

Jan 19, 2022 5:00:12 PM +13038752587

Good to hear it’s mild

Jan 19, 2022 5:00:24 PM +13038752587

How’s your dad?

Jan 19, 2022 5:00:25 PM Me

My Dad spent the night at Albany Med. Getting another CT scan today to compare to yesterday. Make sure whatever bleed in the head was happening has stopped, and make sure no swelling—if good they release him. So, for now out of the woods. He has to deal with 2 broken ribs on his upper back, right side (coughing will be a BITCH), and I told my mom to take notes of any weird cognitive shit that he may do over next few weeks.

Jan 19, 2022 5:00:39 PM Me

Good to keep track of any weirdness and document day/time for docs

Jan 19, 2022 5:01:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Liz’s dad got fucked up from a car accident and cognitively was never the same. Mild at first, but then progressed.

Jan 19, 2022 5:01:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

with my dad’s age a trauma like this can trigger all sorts of shit

Jan 19, 2022 5:01:39 PM Me

He’ll be 75 in April

Jan 19, 2022 5:01:57 PM +13038752587

Wow 75

Jan 19, 2022 5:02:07 PM Me

born in 1947

Jan 19, 2022 5:03:55 PM Me

I know—he would have bet his house he would likely never see his 70s. He has/had a MASSIVE fear of dying early. jbert#1 died 41 jbert#2 died 43 jbert#3 died 33

Jan 19, 2022 5:04:18 PM Me

thought he was going to be like them. passed that anxiety on to me

Jan 19, 2022 5:04:24 PM +13038752587

Good advice for your mom - hopefully he will get a all clear with 2nd cat

Jan 19, 2022 5:04:37 PM Me

That’s why we have “Aidan” not J Bert #6

Jan 19, 2022 5:04:59 PM Me

didn’t need to burden him with that nonsense

Jan 19, 2022 5:05:06 PM Me

Aidan is his own dude

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Jan 19, 2022 5:05:07 PM +13038752587

Well- he surpassed them and living well

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Jan 19, 2022 5:05:35 PM Me

I know for all the years of cigarettes and cases of beer!?!

Jan 19, 2022 5:06:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Shit, I’ve done less than HALF of the abusing of his internals. I might get to 150 years! hahaha

Jan 19, 2022 5:06:29 PM Me

you and the family good?

Jan 19, 2022 5:06:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feeling “healthy?”

Jan 19, 2022 5:06:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

There is hope for us to reach that age

Jan 19, 2022 5:07:44 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Still a little congested for me. But if it follows the course it took with Sarah should clear out in the next day or two

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Jan 19, 2022 5:09:12 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah grandma Odie died yesterday - 93. She went down hill quickly and passed in her sleep

Jan 19, 2022 5:09:24 PM Me

oh man, sorry to hear that.

Jan 19, 2022 5:09:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

93 is a good amount of years tho

Jan 19, 2022 5:10:08 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

She said she was ready and was tired - she’s been wheel chair bound for about 5 years

Jan 19, 2022 5:10:38 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

She had a good long life and always had a positive attitude

Jan 19, 2022 5:13:04 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

We saw her about a month ago when she had a scare with feeling Ill. Thought she might outlive her boys. She lost one about 8 years ok. And Bruce and Barry had heart issues about 6 years ok

Jan 19, 2022 5:14:03 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Seems odd to say. It I’m glad she didn’t have to go through losing all her children

Jan 19, 2022 5:15:04 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

That is the silver lining I’m sure she would tell me 😀

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Jan 20, 2022 5:50:20 PM +13038752587

How’s everyone?

Jan 20, 2022 5:50:26 PM +13038752587

How’s your dad

Jan 21, 2022 12:20:19 PM Me

Hi, we’re all good. My dad is still at the hospital. He has Covid and on anabiotic‘s and they’re trying to get him comfortable because of his ribs. He hast to go to physical therapy otherwise he may be crooked. He’s leaning one way because of his ribs and if he doesn’t get PT and it heals with him leaning he will be leaning forever

Jan 21, 2022 12:44:52 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Bummer - Covid on top of fall How long are the going to keep him in the hospital. Is he symptomatic with Covid? What antibiotics?

Jan 21, 2022 12:50:46 PM ⇲ Me

Not sure what antibiotics and so far seems asymptomatic.

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Jan 21, 2022 12:21:49 PM Me

Otherwise, I’m working on myself, working on my website and looking for work. Also I think we are out of quarantine today, so I probably have to start looking for an apartment, or room somewhere.

Jan 21, 2022 12:46:38 PM ⇲ +13038752587

How did talk with A and L go? They were going to get back with you

Jan 21, 2022 12:55:12 PM ⇲ Me

I spoke with Daisy the creative Director and she believes that there will continue to be website work after it’s launched. But was unsure about new projects. I’m thinking about reaching out to the president of the company, who I have a very good rapport with to find out if they would ever work on new projects with me again. I think the sales people were frustrated with me, primarily because I was going through depression and unable to keep up. 😞

Jan 21, 2022 12:22:31 PM Me

It’s really hard for me to understand spending money on renting an apartment when the money could go to paying debt, or getting a car

Jan 21, 2022 12:49:28 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I get that logic. A thought 💭 For Liz it’s about more than money concerns. Let’s chat on phone soon

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Jan 21, 2022 12:42:12 PM +13038752587

Did everyone test negative in your house

Jan 21, 2022 12:42:44 PM Me

Not yet. Test today

Jan 21, 2022 12:44:52 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Bummer - Covid on top of fall How long are the going to keep him in the hospital. Is he symptomatic with Covid? What antibiotics?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 21, 2022 12:46:38 PM ⇱ +13038752587

How did talk with A and L go? They were going to get back with you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 21, 2022 12:49:28 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I get that logic. A thought 💭 For Liz it’s about more than money concerns. Let’s chat on phone soon

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 21, 2022 12:50:46 PM ⇱ Me

Not sure what antibiotics and so far seems asymptomatic.

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Jan 21, 2022 12:54:15 PM +13038752587

Just sent you an email fir a company I’m applying for Can you check out the job description and my cover letter(needs layout) content - am I addressing their needs

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Jan 21, 2022 12:55:12 PM ⇱ Me

I spoke with Daisy the creative Director and she believes that there will continue to be website work after it’s launched. But was unsure about new projects. I’m thinking about reaching out to the president of the company, who I have a very good rapport with to find out if they would ever work on new projects with me again. I think the sales people were frustrated with me, primarily because I was going through depression and unable to keep up. 😞
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 21, 2022 12:56:41 PM +13038752587

You should reach out directly

Jan 21, 2022 12:57:18 PM Me

Also I made a connection to a coach based in London who specializes in quiet borderline personality disorder. Following up with her today to setup first appt.

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Jan 21, 2022 12:57:48 PM +13038752587

Reality is they will most likely need help on things in the future- but I would still look for something more consistent

Jan 21, 2022 12:58:19 PM Me

And getting started on EMDR therapy today as well to deal with old trauma that is still harboring inside my body

Jan 21, 2022 12:58:35 PM +13038752587

What is EMDR

Jan 21, 2022 12:59:06 PM Me

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing

Jan 21, 2022 12:59:48 PM Me

Using to treat old PTSD

Jan 21, 2022 1:01:03 PM Me

Some of my old memories I never processed properly. I stuffed them deep down inside and they shaped my world view, and how I see myself in the world

Jan 21, 2022 1:01:54 PM Me

But they’re misguided beliefs and on a conscious level I understand it, but can’t shake it

Jan 21, 2022 1:02:09 PM +13038752587

Sounds interesting therapy

Jan 21, 2022 1:02:22 PM Me

It still negatively impacts my life every damn day

Jan 21, 2022 1:02:37 PM +13038752587

Ah limiting beliefs in the subconscious

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Jan 21, 2022 1:02:46 PM Me

Bingo

Jan 21, 2022 1:03:04 PM +13038752587

You can be doing a few other things too

Jan 21, 2022 1:03:16 PM +13038752587

Stack the conscious parts

Jan 21, 2022 1:03:26 PM Me

No matter how smart you are, how much self clarity you have, and clearheaded miss about what’s troubling you you still cannot get beyond it. Been trying my whole life

Jan 21, 2022 1:04:20 PM +13038752587

Input positive messaging with binural beats

Jan 21, 2022 1:04:45 PM +13038752587

I know you do these things but are you consistent

Jan 21, 2022 1:05:16 PM Me

Also I’ve noticed a big shift in emotional disregulation with consistent daily meditation

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Jan 21, 2022 1:05:57 PM Me

Have an audiobook I’m in the middle of too.

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Jan 21, 2022 1:06:02 PM Me

I’m listening to Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder by Blaise Aguirre MD, Gillian Galen PsyD, narrated by Laura Copland on my Audible app. Try Audible and get it here: https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B01N42GV8U&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow

Jan 21, 2022 1:06:35 PM Me

Found that book day after I discovered BPD

Jan 21, 2022 1:07:01 PM Me

Good so far, got some insights and strategies and haven’t finished yet

Jan 21, 2022 1:08:47 PM Me

So working on me on multiple fronts. I want to get better ❤️‍🩹 So I don’t feel like 💩 every day. Hopefully can come out of this entire fuckup a better person.

Jan 21, 2022 1:13:58 PM +13038752587

You will

Jan 21, 2022 1:14:51 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Our sister n law administers nuerofeedbavk therapy

Jan 21, 2022 1:15:13 PM +13038752587

Seems to help folks

Jan 21, 2022 3:27:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, just emailed you from google docs. Put your letter in there and fixed it up with Grammarly. Let me know if you have any questions.

Jan 22, 2022 5:33:34 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 46 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks for the suggestions

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Jan 22, 2022 5:33:45 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 46 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Are you all negative now?

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Jan 22, 2022 10:13:48 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Covid

Jan 22, 2022 5:34:17 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 45 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you an email- good read and ideas

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Jan 22, 2022 10:13:20 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Covid

Jan 22, 2022 9:45:29 PM Me

Hahaha

Jan 22, 2022 9:45:31 PM Me

Twitter

Jan 22, 2022 10:14:57 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Screenshot this one

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Jan 22, 2022 10:15:37 PM ⇲ Me

Make it the desktop background image

Jan 22, 2022 9:49:25 PM Me

Jan 22, 2022 10:13:20 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Covid
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2022 10:13:47 PM Me

Oh yes. Both boys and I are clear

Jan 22, 2022 10:13:48 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Covid
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2022 10:14:47 PM Me

Liz still not 100% but VERY close. She’ll teach next week once she tests negative

Jan 22, 2022 10:14:57 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Screenshot this one

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2022 10:15:09 PM Me

Tested positive last Thursday

Jan 22, 2022 10:15:37 PM ⇱ Me

Make it the desktop background image
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2022 10:17:43 PM +13038752587

Not sure reply feature makes things clearer

Jan 22, 2022 10:18:29 PM +13038752587

So you and the boys are Covid negative and Liz is currently positive

Jan 22, 2022 10:18:38 PM Me

Yes

Jan 22, 2022 10:19:06 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 56 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

How’s you father doing?

Jan 23, 2022 7:16:54 PM Me

He’s doing better. Off the hard painkillers. In a room at hospital still until they get his ribs sorted out.

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Jan 23, 2022 7:26:52 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

What your schedule tomorrow?

Jan 23, 2022 7:43:49 PM Me

Have a morning A+L meeting. Then working on the work hunt

Jan 23, 2022 7:52:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 36 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s plan a call at 12 your time

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Jan 24, 2022 1:28:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. I’m here, just working away. call when you can

Jan 24, 2022 1:28:30 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call in 30m +-

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Jan 24, 2022 2:23:43 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Calling in 5

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Jan 24, 2022 10:18:14 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Updated the cover letter - can you take one more pass through it. Added areas of training experience- did I miss anything? Thanks 🙏 I want to send out in the morning

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Jan 25, 2022 9:24:41 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 27 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Just realized skills belong in resume- moving them over now

Jan 25, 2022 9:25:00 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 27 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get a chance. To do one more review?

Jan 25, 2022 9:55:33 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 24 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Just realized skills belong in resume- moving them over now

Jan 25, 2022 9:55:33 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 24 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get a chance. To do one more review?

Jan 25, 2022 9:58:48 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 21 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Just sent you an email with Resume

Jan 25, 2022 11:17:41 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

You awake

Jan 25, 2022 12:20:18 PM Me

Hey there

Jan 25, 2022 12:20:30 PM Me

I’ll look now

Jan 25, 2022 12:20:43 PM Me

Just done with all the morning stuff

Jan 25, 2022 12:22:13 PM Me

Slow start today

Jan 25, 2022 12:52:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

running your resume thru grammarly now

Jan 25, 2022 1:20:47 PM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 Thank you 😊

Jan 25, 2022 1:21:24 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Did you check edits on cover letter

Jan 25, 2022 1:21:37 PM Me

in my google docs?

Jan 25, 2022 1:21:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Yes

Jan 25, 2022 1:22:50 PM Me

k,

Jan 25, 2022 1:23:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

do you have the resume text in another format?

Jan 25, 2022 1:23:07 PM Me

.txt

Jan 25, 2022 1:23:39 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I can - give me a moment

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Jan 25, 2022 1:23:52 PM Me

will be easier to grammarly it

Jan 25, 2022 1:27:14 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

Just sent

Jan 25, 2022 1:27:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jan 25, 2022 2:04:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

is this right

Jan 25, 2022 2:04:27 PM Me

“Infusionsoft (Keap) “

Jan 25, 2022 2:19:12 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - Infusionsoft is now called Keap

Jan 25, 2022 2:04:43 PM Me

grammarly want to change it to “Keep”

Jan 25, 2022 2:04:55 PM Me

e not a

Jan 25, 2022 2:05:02 PM Me

lmk

Jan 25, 2022 2:08:02 PM Me

cover letter is done.

Jan 25, 2022 2:08:12 PM Me

just figure out Keep vs Keep

Jan 25, 2022 2:14:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you around?

Jan 25, 2022 2:14:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have changes for the resume

Jan 25, 2022 2:19:12 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - Infusionsoft is now called Keap
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 25, 2022 2:19:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Jan 25, 2022 2:19:35 PM +13038752587

Yes

Jan 25, 2022 2:19:47 PM +13038752587

Shall I call you

Jan 25, 2022 2:19:54 PM Me

Ran it thru grammarly. there are a few changes. It reads better, more succinct in a few places

Jan 25, 2022 2:20:00 PM Me

nah

Jan 25, 2022 2:20:05 PM Me

we’re good

Jan 25, 2022 2:20:46 PM Me

so, about to take the revisions and run it thru InDesign so the text can be formatted a bit more golden-ratio-like

Jan 25, 2022 2:20:51 PM Me

that ok with you?

Jan 25, 2022 2:20:59 PM +13038752587

Yes

Jan 25, 2022 2:21:10 PM +13038752587

I need it as a pdf

Jan 25, 2022 2:21:26 PM +13038752587

Actually both docs need to be pdf

Jan 25, 2022 2:21:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I won’t go overboard. Just make it look like a modern pro, instead of Times New Roman 😊

Jan 25, 2022 2:21:51 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Jan 25, 2022 2:30:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the Sonia letter needs PDF

Jan 25, 2022 2:30:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right?

Jan 25, 2022 2:30:26 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jan 25, 2022 2:30:36 PM +13038752587

Actually they can be word or pdf

Jan 25, 2022 2:30:53 PM +13038752587

I don’t have word on my computer

Jan 25, 2022 2:30:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

doing InDesign, can export any flavor of PDF that exists

Jan 25, 2022 2:31:18 PM Me

I’m copying it right out of the docs.

Jan 25, 2022 2:31:56 PM Me

just shared doc with you

Jan 25, 2022 2:32:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://accounts.google.com/ServiceLogin?service=wise&passive=1209600&continue=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RhneKGvaCP71Jnxz6Hnk1OhaMo_VW0b7-Dj6KhOr588/edit?usp%3Dsharing&followup=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RhneKGvaCP71Jnxz6Hnk1OhaMo_VW0b7-Dj6KhOr588/edit?usp%3Dsharing<mpl=docs

Jan 25, 2022 2:32:08 PM Me

it’s the raw text of resume with the edits

Jan 25, 2022 2:32:36 PM Me

Changed “CAREER OBJECTIVE”

Jan 25, 2022 2:32:43 PM Me

to Overview or Summary

Jan 25, 2022 2:33:19 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Away from desktop for 15m

Jan 25, 2022 2:33:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jan 25, 2022 2:33:36 PM Me

school pickups 😊

Jan 25, 2022 2:56:48 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Back

Jan 25, 2022 2:57:18 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

I forgot to pull areas of training… out if cover - I put them on resume

Jan 25, 2022 2:57:31 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

*of

Jan 25, 2022 2:59:52 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

I want to remove - marketing manager from resume - either eliminate it or put digital marketing professional

Jan 25, 2022 3:00:38 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Ate you in the doc now?

Jan 25, 2022 3:00:51 PM Me

no, i’m in indesign

Jan 25, 2022 3:00:58 PM Me

copied things ov3r

Jan 25, 2022 3:01:13 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - do my notes here make sense

Jan 25, 2022 3:01:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haven’t looked yet

Jan 25, 2022 3:01:41 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Just two

Jan 25, 2022 3:01:47 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

See above

Jan 25, 2022 3:04:30 PM Me

k

Jan 25, 2022 3:04:37 PM Me

got it, makes sense

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Jan 25, 2022 4:05:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just emailed it to you

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Jan 25, 2022 4:06:07 PM Me

off to a soccer game, back in a few hours

Jan 25, 2022 4:50:44 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

They look great 😊 A few small things Need them as separate pdfs / not sure how to do it with acrobat pro Need to reword one sentence in last paragraph - working in that now Need to add a signature in cover letter I appreciate your help

Jan 25, 2022 6:17:38 PM Me

Just headed back. Darragh lost 4-2

Jan 25, 2022 6:42:30 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Bummer / how did he play

Jan 25, 2022 6:42:58 PM Me

he didn’t still getting his fitness back

Jan 25, 2022 6:51:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just realized something

Jan 25, 2022 6:51:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this phrase

Jan 25, 2022 6:52:00 PM Me

“ the outlined responsibilities associated with the position “

Jan 25, 2022 6:52:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

where are those? where do the outlined responsibilities live?

Jan 25, 2022 7:32:08 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 14 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

In the job description/listing

Jan 25, 2022 6:53:45 PM Me

if they’re in some other document I suggest rewording it to this…

Jan 25, 2022 6:54:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“You’re looking for a candidate that is highly familiar with the responsibilities you outlined for the position and can perform them confidently.”

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Jan 25, 2022 6:54:45 PM Me

it reads better

Jan 25, 2022 6:54:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know what you think.

Jan 25, 2022 7:04:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, do you want me to put a closing on the letter? Best regards, Darrell ??

Jan 25, 2022 7:30:48 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 34 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

Jan 25, 2022 7:09:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ready to go once you tell me

Jan 25, 2022 7:30:48 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 34 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 25, 2022 7:31:19 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

I sent email with last paragraph edit

Jan 25, 2022 7:32:08 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 14 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

In the job description/listing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 25, 2022 7:32:23 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Busy getting girls to bed

Jan 25, 2022 7:32:30 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

There in bath now

Jan 25, 2022 8:12:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

revisions sent back to you

Jan 25, 2022 8:13:07 PM Me

off to pickup Declan from soccer practice

Jan 25, 2022 8:13:14 PM Me

back online in about 30 mins

Jan 25, 2022 8:13:38 PM Me

working on my stuff tonitght so ping me if needed

Jan 25, 2022 8:38:32 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Looks great - thank you

Jan 25, 2022 8:39:29 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Can you send the resume as a separate pdf and the cover letter as a separate pdf?

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Jan 25, 2022 9:15:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sent to you

Jan 25, 2022 9:33:59 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

That’s a beautiful thing - thank you again 😁

Jan 26, 2022 2:20:37 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you a link for Tony Robbins / wow thought if you many times during it

Jan 26, 2022 2:28:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool, thanks

Jan 26, 2022 2:29:27 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

It’s free too

Jan 26, 2022 2:29:55 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Powerful message - you can forward to when he comes on the video

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Jan 26, 2022 2:30:10 PM +13038752587

How goes your day

Jan 26, 2022 2:30:25 PM Me

mmm…. so so

Jan 26, 2022 2:30:43 PM Me

old stories+shit in the brain trying to take over

Jan 26, 2022 2:31:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its not working, but mentally in my skull sized kingdom it’s a fucking WAR

Jan 26, 2022 2:31:34 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Then day 2 will help

Jan 26, 2022 2:31:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

on the outside I look like the Buddha

Jan 26, 2022 2:31:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

somewhat stoic

Jan 26, 2022 2:32:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

but in my brain I’m piling up the bodies

Jan 26, 2022 2:32:42 PM Me

employing a bit of the Bob Newhart “STOP IT” method

Jan 26, 2022 2:32:56 PM +13038752587

Great 😊

Jan 26, 2022 2:33:02 PM Me

I remember when you sent me that

Jan 26, 2022 2:33:04 PM +13038752587

Then replace it

Jan 26, 2022 2:33:09 PM Me

I was literally LOL

Jan 26, 2022 2:33:41 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

If you can catch the thoughts 💭 you can get in control

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Emphasized by Me

Jan 26, 2022 2:33:55 PM Me

exactly

Jan 26, 2022 2:34:35 PM Me

I’m learning to unplug from anxiety brain knee-jerking emotions running my life.

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Jan 26, 2022 2:34:57 PM +13038752587

I need to edit summary to a more general on - virtual job fair tomorrow If I send the text can you create a copy resume y with new summary

Jan 26, 2022 2:35:47 PM ⇲ Me

No problem. Just be sure to ping me here and let me know. Sometimes I dont know you emailed.

Jan 26, 2022 2:35:14 PM Me

I listened to something this morning that crushed me—made me feel incredibly sad, like a gut punch, but I needed to hear it.

Jan 26, 2022 2:35:47 PM ⇱ Me

No problem. Just be sure to ping me here and let me know. Sometimes I dont know you emailed.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 26, 2022 2:35:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

From someone or a podcast etc

Jan 26, 2022 2:36:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

A meditation/talk on InsightTimer

Jan 26, 2022 2:36:22 PM +13038752587

Ahh

Jan 26, 2022 2:36:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That app makes me cry more than anything

Jan 26, 2022 2:36:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

gets me DEEP

Jan 26, 2022 2:36:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its good, but its sucks to go through it

Jan 26, 2022 2:37:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That’s good - release the energy - free yourself from the bondage of unknown repressed feelings

Jan 26, 2022 2:37:34 PM Me

I thought I knew a lot about myself and I’m just finding out there are things I dont know, that I dont know about myself.

Jan 26, 2022 2:38:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll get better or die trying.

Jan 26, 2022 2:38:19 PM +13038752587

Release it all and let it go

Jan 26, 2022 2:40:11 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

If you can do it now go watch the replay of day 2

Jan 26, 2022 2:40:34 PM Me

k, shortly. Trying out Pomodo timing for work today.

Jan 26, 2022 2:40:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

25mins PUSH — 5MIN break

Jan 26, 2022 2:41:33 PM Me

breaking now. its interesting to force the focus and not go down Twitter rabbit holes 😊

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Jan 27, 2022 8:52:27 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

YouTube link for day 2

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Jan 27, 2022 8:52:30 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 41 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

YouTube

Jan 28, 2022 11:41:31 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

How you doing?

Jan 28, 2022 11:43:45 AM Me

i’m ok, head down and trying to work on my site

Jan 28, 2022 11:44:14 AM Me

bit distracted today, but I should have bandwidth this weekend.

Jan 28, 2022 11:44:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how are you and the family?

Jan 28, 2022 11:45:27 AM Me

Hey you have to show this to Willow, I think she might find it cool that the President of the US just got a cat and named it Willow! 😊

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Jan 28, 2022 11:45:29 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Jan 28, 2022 11:45:39 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

We are well

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Jan 28, 2022 11:46:06 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Did you watch day 2?

Jan 28, 2022 11:46:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The first lady’s post, with pics…

Jan 28, 2022 11:46:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Jan 28, 2022 11:47:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have not had the time yet, will do it this weekend. third day in a row with soccer games for boys—in thick of season

Jan 28, 2022 11:47:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

takes about 3 hours out of each day, but so worth it

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Jan 28, 2022 11:48:05 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I was editing trees site and came across this…

Jan 28, 2022 11:48:15 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Wrong place

Jan 28, 2022 11:48:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

That leaves 13 hours after sleep

Jan 28, 2022 11:48:05 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I was editing trees site and came across this…
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 28, 2022 11:48:15 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Wrong place
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 28, 2022 11:48:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

That leaves 13 hours after sleep
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 28, 2022 11:48:59 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 28, 2022 11:49:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

definitely will watch it. Any time I have had been meditating, listening to audiobook on QBPD and meditation, and signed up for virtual EMDR. Started EMDR online and have to say I definitely feel something shift but cant describe it just yet.

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Jan 28, 2022 11:49:16 AM +13038752587

Mobile view of seven secrets landing page

Jan 28, 2022 11:49:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can fix that—

Jan 28, 2022 11:49:35 AM +13038752587

Cool

Jan 28, 2022 11:49:37 AM Me

or I should say I can FORCE it

Jan 28, 2022 11:49:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Jan 28, 2022 11:49:47 AM +13038752587

😉

Jan 28, 2022 11:50:00 AM Me

should I do that on staging first?

Jan 28, 2022 11:50:08 AM +13038752587

Yes

Jan 28, 2022 11:50:23 AM Me

that’s what I would do normally but wanted to check because I dont know if staging is up to date

Jan 28, 2022 11:50:31 AM +13038752587

Going to push it live

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Jan 28, 2022 1:43:24 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Let me know when you get it done

Jan 28, 2022 1:43:47 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Send me link to your site when it’s ready for review

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Liked by Me

Jan 28, 2022 2:18:02 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

A very rare panda 🐼 cheetah 🐆 in my office

Jan 28, 2022 2:22:08 PM Me

WHOA 😳

Jan 28, 2022 2:22:16 PM Me

FIERCE

Jan 28, 2022 2:22:32 PM Me

and impossibly cute 😊

Jan 28, 2022 9:00:35 PM Me

Tough day of soccer. Darragh tied 2-2, but they should have won. Declan’s team just lost 2-1 😞

Jan 28, 2022 9:01:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Bummer

Jan 28, 2022 9:01:23 PM Me

Fun to watch

Jan 28, 2022 9:01:50 PM Me

Hey when I get home I should have that fix in place on Tricia’s site

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Jan 28, 2022 9:02:00 PM Me

I’ll ping when ready

Jan 28, 2022 10:42:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey there, take a look:

Jan 28, 2022 10:42:32 PM Me

https://staging2.beyondborabora.com/

Jan 28, 2022 10:42:40 PM Me

send me screen captures of anything weird.

Jan 28, 2022 10:42:48 PM Me

not seeing anything too wacky here

Jan 28, 2022 11:38:13 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 19 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I don’t have login on phone to view it

Jan 28, 2022 11:40:02 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 17 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

It was on the seven secrets landing page (optin box sizing on mobile) - you can’t get to it from main navigation on the website only through wp dashboard

Jan 28, 2022 11:44:49 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 12 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to bed We can talk tomorrow about it

Jan 29, 2022 4:16:23 PM Me

https://insig.ht/CAZxtiVXdnb

Jan 29, 2022 4:16:23 PM Me

This is an incredibly powerful meditation

Jan 29, 2022 4:18:56 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

I will give a listen tonight

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Jan 29, 2022 4:44:11 PM Me

A creature in his element

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Jan 29, 2022 4:44:34 PM Me

Squirrel 🐿?!?

Jan 29, 2022 4:56:58 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

You MUST watch this. LOL

Jan 29, 2022 4:57:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

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Jan 29, 2022 5:15:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OMG I went down the rabbit hole of course. I found this musical genius as well. Metal, so hard on the ears, but man he matches the rage in the vids. 🤣

Jan 29, 2022 5:16:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Genius…. https://youtu.be/0UJLtHqPA1E https://youtu.be/0UJLtHqPA1E

Jan 29, 2022 5:16:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

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Jan 29, 2022 6:27:20 PM Me

Twitter

Jan 29, 2022 6:28:36 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Looks like fun

Jan 29, 2022 11:55:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

saturday wordle Wordle 224 3/6 ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛ ⬛🟧🟧🟧🟧 🟧🟧🟧🟧🟧

Jan 29, 2022 11:55:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you play yet?

Jan 30, 2022 7:13:25 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 54 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

No

Jan 30, 2022 7:24:55 PM Me

https://insig.ht/vNkwszhQfnb

Jan 30, 2022 7:24:55 PM Me

This may be of benefit. Teaching kids how to wind themselves down! #FTW

Jan 30, 2022 8:11:04 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I’ll check it out

Jan 30, 2022 9:39:03 PM Me

Can we connect tomorrow afternoon? Busy until 1pm pst LMK

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Jan 30, 2022 10:29:07 PM Me

https://content.fifthstarlabs.io/featuredItem?id=February2022&lang=en

Jan 30, 2022 10:29:07 PM Me

Get your telescope 🔭 out!

Jan 31, 2022 8:57:33 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/whats-impeding-your-progress

Jan 31, 2022 8:57:36 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Good one

Jan 31, 2022 2:07:02 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Get in lunch they I can call

Jan 31, 2022 2:07:08 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Getting

Jan 31, 2022 2:37:44 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Have to push until 2:30 your time. Have to see a man about a job

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Laughed by Me

Jan 31, 2022 2:38:05 PM Me

I’m super busy at moment

Jan 31, 2022 2:38:31 PM Me

Hopefully bank project or job you’re after!

Jan 31, 2022 2:42:02 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

Bank chose another company- heard on Friday

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Disliked by Me

Jan 31, 2022 2:42:45 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

This is some quick temp work helping out Jim and Michele

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Liked by Me

Jan 31, 2022 2:43:11 PM +13038752587

Heading to check it out now

Jan 31, 2022 3:59:06 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

You ready

Feb 01, 2022 5:31:40 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Feb 01, 2022 5:31:54 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Que pass?

Feb 01, 2022 5:39:12 PM Me

Head down on some things. Otherwise ok.

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Feb 04, 2022 9:57:46 AM Me

Feb 04, 2022 10:52:34 AM Me

Twitter

Feb 04, 2022 1:51:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Haha

Feb 09, 2022 5:32:25 PM Me

People in your state are getting arrested for fucking around with the election (Trumpster) 😁 whose got the popcorn🍿

Feb 09, 2022 5:32:26 PM Me

Twitter

Feb 09, 2022 6:19:47 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 30 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Wow. Amazed the arrested her in public

Feb 09, 2022 7:11:49 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 38 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

How are you? How goes the eye 👁 therapy, did you get an appt with counselor in England? How are the boys doing in soccer 🥅

Feb 10, 2022 3:25:18 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

Feb 10, 2022 3:25:23 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hola 👋

Feb 10, 2022 3:25:31 PM +13038752587

Bon Jour

Feb 10, 2022 3:25:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there. meant to answer your ?’s but have my head down

Feb 10, 2022 3:25:53 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 10, 2022 3:25:56 PM Me

things are ok

Feb 10, 2022 3:26:07 PM Me

no big changes, same as it ever was?

Feb 10, 2022 3:26:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

EMDR is going well. Its helping for sure but its subconscious so it just shows up without you noticing until after the fact

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Feb 10, 2022 3:28:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have connected with a therapist in Ventura who does the type of treatment I’m looking for. Going to do it virtually so that will be good. It should help a lot. Practitioners say this is reversible/fixable etc. Basically, you can rewire your behavior and emotions around things and it apparently does “take” if you work at it

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Feb 10, 2022 3:29:11 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Boys soccer seasons wrapped up. Unfortunately neither of their teams made playoffs so seasons ended last weekend. 😟

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Feb 10, 2022 3:30:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Spoke to my mom the other day. Thinking I’m going to go out to visit them soon and stay a spell-like I did with you guys. Going to give Liz what she asked for and that’s to clear out so I’m not around.

Feb 10, 2022 4:16:06 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Cool to visit the parents. A whole month??

Feb 10, 2022 3:32:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel a lot different mentally than I did when I left. Since doing EMDR I’ve had days where my entire being is not being run by anticipatory anxiety—trying to get everything in its right place so as to not create ripples on the pond of life.

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Feb 10, 2022 3:33:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve faced intentionally and not—many triggers what would in most cases send me on an emotional bender (all internal—no one outside my head has NO idea) and I’ve not been triggered. In fact I find it REALLY interesting not to feel fear/panic AT ALL. Like I’m kool and the gang with whatever is going down.

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Feb 10, 2022 3:34:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Noticed a BIG decrease in impulsivity. Dont feel need to jump into middle of conversations and interrupt people because what I have to share is SO IMPORTANT 😊

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Feb 10, 2022 3:35:42 PM Me

Just feel calmer overall in general. I still oscillate but I’m definitely moving in the right direction based on how I feel. Once I get working with therapist I should see further acceleration in progress.

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Feb 10, 2022 3:41:21 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Walking Lilly- I’ll read when I get home

Feb 10, 2022 4:16:06 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Cool to visit the parents. A whole month??
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 10, 2022 4:16:19 PM Me

maybe, not sure. playing by ear

Feb 10, 2022 4:17:49 PM Me

my dad had that accident. spoke to him the other night on FaceTime (already spoke on phone previously) and to see his face and how he responds

Feb 10, 2022 4:18:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

to me he reached a tipping point

Feb 10, 2022 4:19:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not as sharp, a bit slower, lost in thought, but like a senior citizen. Always used to engaging with him and his mind and mouth are SHARP

Feb 10, 2022 4:19:27 PM Me

we’re all getting older, right? 😊

Feb 10, 2022 4:19:57 PM +13038752587

Hopefully just part of his brain Healy

Feb 10, 2022 4:19:57 PM Me

but just like with Nat the accident accelerated something in the space / time continuum

Feb 10, 2022 4:20:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

nat had head injury and was never the same

Feb 10, 2022 4:20:25 PM +13038752587

Or put it back on course

Feb 10, 2022 4:21:32 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Who really knows for sure

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Feb 10, 2022 4:20:34 PM Me

moments of sharpness, but then lost at sea

Feb 10, 2022 4:21:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so want to visit him, hang out and see for myself how both of them are. Haven’t seen them in 4 years so it will be quite telling

Feb 10, 2022 4:21:32 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Who really knows for sure

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 10, 2022 4:21:50 PM +13038752587

That is a great idea

Feb 10, 2022 4:21:55 PM Me

probably wont stay a month, more like 2-3 weeks range

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Feb 10, 2022 4:22:27 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Tree visit to my dads was enlightening- they are moving toward assisted care soon

Feb 10, 2022 4:22:38 PM Me

wow

Feb 10, 2022 4:22:44 PM Me

how old is your dad now?

Feb 10, 2022 4:23:07 PM +13038752587

82 83 in June

Feb 10, 2022 4:23:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

👀

Feb 10, 2022 4:23:53 PM Me

he has good genes, as do you. He might be hanging out a few more years like Pop did 😊

Feb 10, 2022 4:23:54 PM +13038752587

Tree suspects A few more years

Feb 10, 2022 4:24:24 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

the big worry is them getting hurt in some way they cant get help

Feb 10, 2022 4:24:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

or help themselves

Feb 10, 2022 4:24:49 PM Me

hey need to go and get Declan from school, late day today

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Feb 20, 2022 2:36:00 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 1 minute, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

Feb 20, 2022 2:36:10 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

How ya doin?

Feb 20, 2022 3:07:46 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 17 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

Feb 20, 2022 3:07:46 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 17 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

How ya doin?

Feb 20, 2022 11:26:21 PM Me

I’m fair. Tired 🥱 about to crash

Feb 20, 2022 11:35:34 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 1 minute, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s catch up this week

Feb 21, 2022 10:37:18 AM Me

Liked “Let’s catch up this week”

Feb 23, 2022 6:54:04 PM Me

Tomorrow is good day to talk. Let me know. Start DBT on Friday. Supply chain hiccup leaves craft breweries scrambling for aluminum can alternatives

Feb 23, 2022 6:54:06 PM Me

NPR.org

Feb 23, 2022 7:05:03 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

What is DBT

Feb 23, 2022 7:10:45 PM ⇲ Me

https://www.google.com/knowledgegraphshares?kgmid=/m/029cm5&hl=en-US&q=Dialectical+behavior+therapy&kgs&shndl=17&source=sh/x/kp/osrp/3&entrypoint=sh/x/kp/osrp

Feb 23, 2022 7:11:25 PM ⇲ Me

At its root it’s about changing behavior when triggers hit.

Feb 23, 2022 7:11:59 PM ⇲ Me

At least that’s what I understand. You can find videos on YouTube with the woman who invented it. She developed it late 80s early 90s

Feb 23, 2022 7:05:39 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Tomorrow is good for me to

Feb 23, 2022 7:06:25 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Between 12-3 pst

Feb 23, 2022 7:10:45 PM ⇱ Me

https://www.google.com/knowledgegraphshares?kgmid=/m/029cm5&hl=en-US&q=Dialectical+behavior+therapy&kgs&shndl=17&source=sh/x/kp/osrp/3&entrypoint=sh/x/kp/osrp
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 23, 2022 7:11:25 PM ⇱ Me

At its root it’s about changing behavior when triggers hit.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 23, 2022 7:11:59 PM ⇱ Me

At least that’s what I understand. You can find videos on YouTube with the woman who invented it. She developed it late 80s early 90s
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 23, 2022 7:45:11 PM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 24, 2022 11:37:15 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 43 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

https://insig.ht/lWz28gvNUnb

Feb 24, 2022 11:37:15 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 43 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Check this out on Insight Timer!

Feb 25, 2022 12:18:02 AM Me

Thanks for sending that meditation I listen to it it was very good. And sorry to miss connecting with you today. I’ll give you a call tomorrow I have an appointment in Ventura with a therapist to work on some DBT. Call you after 11am pst, ok?

Feb 25, 2022 9:40:54 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

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Feb 26, 2022 12:48:53 PM Me

https://insig.ht/hndJQvocYnb

Feb 26, 2022 12:48:53 PM Me

This guy has great meditations. Like his style. And he’s in Boulder

Feb 26, 2022 2:03:30 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Cool I’ll Check it out

Feb 26, 2022 2:03:50 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Ps I pulled the specials off Trees site

Feb 26, 2022 2:04:37 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

For now we will make sure edits on live site- the import staging is not clean

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Mar 01, 2022 10:26:17 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Yo

Mar 01, 2022 10:26:28 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

YO!

Mar 01, 2022 10:26:53 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

YES, YOU!

Mar 01, 2022 10:27:10 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

I’m in a spirited mood 🤩

Mar 01, 2022 10:27:30 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

How are you?

Mar 01, 2022 10:27:55 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

You genius is required/ see email

Mar 01, 2022 10:28:25 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Send me a link to your resume again

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Mar 01, 2022 10:36:25 AM Me

I’m doing ok. Glad to hear spirits are high

Mar 01, 2022 10:36:39 AM Me

Will send link shortly

Mar 01, 2022 6:14:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

check ur email

Mar 01, 2022 6:15:03 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Mar 01, 2022 6:15:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mar 01, 2022 6:15:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Mar 02, 2022 5:04:34 PM Me

Sent you updates and my resume

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Mar 02, 2022 9:14:11 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

watch

Mar 02, 2022 10:41:55 PM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

Talented nostril

Mar 02, 2022 10:43:33 PM Me

? what did u need my resume for?

Mar 02, 2022 10:49:42 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 56 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

I tell you tomorrow- just got home from skiing - tired 😴

Mar 02, 2022 10:49:54 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 56 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

When are you available to talk?

Mar 03, 2022 12:46:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there, just sent an updated resume by email. Last one had errors/issues

Mar 03, 2022 12:47:48 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Calling you in 20m

Mar 03, 2022 1:15:21 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s plan a call at 1 your time

Mar 03, 2022 1:15:28 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Today

Mar 03, 2022 1:18:21 PM Me

was ready now 😁

Mar 03, 2022 1:18:54 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Call I’m in is running late - I’ll call as soon as it’s over

Mar 03, 2022 1:19:10 PM +13038752587

May be sooner

Mar 03, 2022 1:19:11 PM Me

👍

Mar 03, 2022 1:36:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one sec

Mar 03, 2022 2:05:09 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

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Mar 04, 2022 2:04:53 PM Me

Some days are just so sad and depressing. Random thoughts 💭 drop in and make it rain 🌧 in my mind

Mar 04, 2022 2:10:29 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Pull out the umbrella ☔️. the sun ⛅️ is there too just behind the clouds

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Mar 04, 2022 3:18:56 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

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Mar 04, 2022 3:19:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Gabagool!

Mar 04, 2022 3:20:11 PM Me

moderate mental health day for me

Mar 04, 2022 3:20:24 PM Me

some focus, some distraction 😊

Mar 04, 2022 3:20:30 PM Me

all about the balance

Mar 04, 2022 3:23:43 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Likewise

Mar 08, 2022 8:58:16 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

What time is your flight ✈️ tomorrow

Mar 08, 2022 9:07:06 PM Me

👋 10:30am pst to ORD

Mar 08, 2022 9:07:33 PM Me

Leaving house at 5:30am 😮

Mar 08, 2022 9:09:07 PM Me

1:30 in Chicago Then arrive ALB at 9:30pm EST, Which for me is 6:30 so ~13 hours until touchdown

Mar 08, 2022 9:09:39 PM Me

Parental units will escort me to their house.

Mar 08, 2022 9:10:07 PM Me

I’ll ping tomorrow, I’ll be in airports reading Twitter

Mar 08, 2022 9:10:20 PM Me

Finishing packing

Mar 08, 2022 9:10:33 PM Me

And shipping a 📦

Mar 08, 2022 9:10:40 PM +13038752587

You have the plan

Mar 08, 2022 9:10:53 PM +13038752587

Stay off Twitter

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Mar 08, 2022 9:11:34 PM Me

Actually been not listening to NPR because it’s nothing but war.

Mar 08, 2022 9:11:38 PM +13038752587

I’m sure there is something you could read, listen to , heck learn a new language 😀

Mar 08, 2022 9:11:52 PM Me

No doomscrolling

Mar 08, 2022 9:12:06 PM Me

Be working on my website

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Mar 08, 2022 9:12:13 PM Me

Making progress

Mar 08, 2022 9:12:28 PM +13038752587

That’s good

Mar 08, 2022 9:13:12 PM Me

New York will allow me a change of venue and focus on getting it published

Mar 08, 2022 9:13:22 PM +13038752587

You should be able to make a good progress with 10 hours in the airports

Mar 08, 2022 9:13:33 PM Me

I’m shipping out my darts and my 30 year old parting glass T-shirt to go play darts in Saratoga

Mar 08, 2022 9:13:47 PM Me

Saint Patrick’s day is next week

Mar 08, 2022 9:14:03 PM Me

I will behave

Mar 08, 2022 9:14:17 PM +13038752587

That would be an awesome place to be in St Patty’s

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Mar 08, 2022 9:15:04 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll send you Matt’s number - I’m sure he would be up for a game or two

Mar 08, 2022 9:16:32 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Click to download Matt Gutchell.vcf (170.00 B)

Mar 08, 2022 9:17:31 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

I FaceTimed with your parents last night. Lilly asked - said we had not seen them lately

Mar 08, 2022 9:18:11 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - heading ti bed - tired 😴

Mar 08, 2022 9:18:33 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Safe travels.

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Mar 09, 2022 7:18:58 AM Me

Sitting here on the bench waiting for my shuttle kind of freezing. This mornings drive to the shuttle with Liz was so uncomfortable. Total silence whole way. Dropped me off and slight wave and pulled away.

Mar 09, 2022 7:19:13 AM Me

Struggling with big emotions right now

Mar 09, 2022 7:30:29 AM Me

That was SO hard. Makes me feel there is no hope

Mar 09, 2022 7:33:38 AM Me

Pain and emotions are fresh all over again

Mar 09, 2022 7:33:59 AM Me

Feels like I’ve done nothing to help myself

Mar 09, 2022 7:41:30 AM Me

It’s like I went back in time. The emotional 😭 pain right now is intense. I’ve not stopped crying since she dropped me off and left in the most awkward way.

Mar 09, 2022 7:44:57 AM Me

That combined with anxiety of going to NY is making today triggering beyond belief. The hurt is hard, and feels like your skin is turned inside out and all your nerves are exposed

Mar 09, 2022 7:48:26 AM Me

Incredibly depressing sadness to start the day, anxiety travel all day long, capped with seeing parents at the end of the day which has its own special anxiety.

Mar 09, 2022 8:05:26 AM +13038752587

First a BIG HUG 🫂 🤗

Mar 09, 2022 8:11:49 AM +13038752587

Is the emotional release based on a perceived future?

Mar 09, 2022 8:13:42 AM Me

Yes and no. Some is emotions in these moments. Not all projection and reflection

Mar 09, 2022 8:15:21 AM +13038752587

Taking Willow to school- bb

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Mar 09, 2022 8:16:12 AM Me

The hurt for me is like Groundhog Day. Feel it every day. Have done a great deal of meditation on self forgiveness and letting go, but 5 decades of internal critic is challenging to come up against

Mar 09, 2022 8:19:07 AM Me

Moments where feel a little “better” but always seem to end in deep sadness, regret, and shame.

Mar 09, 2022 8:30:59 AM +13038752587

How is this sadness,regret and shame serving you? What is it giving you?

Mar 09, 2022 8:46:18 AM Me

Perspective. Reminding me that I made mistake and atone for it, don’t feel like I have

Mar 09, 2022 8:54:59 AM +13038752587

I have an exercise called the walk of atonement you can do. I’ll look it up when I get home tonight

Mar 09, 2022 8:55:36 AM +13038752587

How is all of this here to help you?

Mar 09, 2022 8:55:59 AM +13038752587

I’m driving - so can’t text - call me to talk

Mar 09, 2022 8:56:51 AM Me

Almost to airport. We can connect on a call tomorrow.

Mar 09, 2022 8:57:09 AM Me

But will still randomly text 😊

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Mar 09, 2022 8:58:09 AM +13038752587

Stay out of your mind and in the present

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Mar 09, 2022 11:29:39 AM Me

On first plane and waiting to taxi

Mar 09, 2022 11:30:36 AM Me

Been a really tough day so far. Doing my best to stay in present moment

Mar 09, 2022 11:59:12 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 22 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Watch a movie - read a book- or journal away until there is nothing left.

Mar 09, 2022 3:22:13 PM Me

On ground in Chicago

Mar 09, 2022 3:22:51 PM Me

Didn’t really have ability. I slept thru most of flight

Mar 09, 2022 3:23:05 PM Me

Feel awful

Mar 09, 2022 3:44:29 PM +13038752587

Stop 🛑

Mar 09, 2022 3:44:45 PM +13038752587

Feel better 😀

Mar 09, 2022 3:50:31 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 29 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

When your next flight ✈️

Mar 09, 2022 4:01:03 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 19 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Breathe ❤️

Mar 09, 2022 4:34:23 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Watch a movie - read a book- or journal away until there is nothing left.

Mar 09, 2022 5:00:48 PM Me

On my next flight. In my chair and waiting to take off for Albany

Mar 09, 2022 5:37:38 PM Me

Massive waves of sadness hitting me hard. Crying in my plane seat. And I can’t stop, wish I could and feel at least not ashamed. I had a thought. Maybe I’m trying too hard? Maybe I’m not meant to be happy? Maybe I was put here to “have it all” and then have it all taken away? Like a reincarnation karma setting in. Maybe I’m supposed to feel more pain and suffering than anything else?

Mar 09, 2022 5:39:46 PM Me

Maybe my lesson in life is pain and suffering and not happiness ?

Mar 09, 2022 5:45:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 35 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Well that is a perspective. However I believe you are here to paint your own canvas and make it a beautiful masterpiece

Mar 09, 2022 5:45:54 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Cry if you feel it. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

Mar 09, 2022 7:10:53 PM Me

I don’t feel worthy Of pretty much anything in this headspace

Mar 09, 2022 7:14:57 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

What is the story you are telling yourself right now about this situation?

Mar 09, 2022 7:20:51 PM Me

Just landed

Mar 09, 2022 7:21:02 PM Me

Will text u when get to parents

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Mar 10, 2022 1:01:39 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Hope this day finds you feeling better

Mar 10, 2022 1:02:19 PM Me

Yeah. Will fill u in later. Headed to market for GF supplies

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Mar 10, 2022 5:56:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Well I was triggered the moment Liz replied to me as I was saying goodbye in the Jeep at drop off. Her reply was direct and cutting (at least the way I heard it and experienced it) and I was crying within 5 mins and the rest of the day felt awful—as you saw on text.

Mar 10, 2022 8:52:07 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

What is the story your telling yourself about how she dropped you off?

Mar 10, 2022 5:57:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Got off the plane and saw everyone. They were excited to see me of course and I pleaded with them that all 6 of them didn’t need to come pick me up at the airport—its just me, not everyone. Anyhow they all showed up.

Mar 10, 2022 8:52:53 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I bet it felt good the have a welcoming reception 😍

Mar 10, 2022 5:58:10 PM Me

Everyone is doing really well.

Mar 10, 2022 5:59:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

except my father. His shoulders are crooked (left shoulder lower than right) and his head hangs all the way forward, as if you were looking down at the tips of your toes and touching your chin to chest W/O bending your upper torso.

Mar 10, 2022 5:59:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It looks painful, and I’ve asked him more than once, but he says its fine

Mar 10, 2022 6:01:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

He’s not being consistent with his homework/exercises so he’s getting better at sloth like speeds.

Mar 10, 2022 6:03:28 PM Me

So once we got to Waterford from the airport my parents wanted to go to the corner bar (WTF?) and get drinks. I’ve been largely “off the sauce” since new years maybe having 1/2 beers in 2 months. Anyhow, by the time I went to bed I wasn’t feeling as miserable namely because I was talking to people.

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Mar 10, 2022 6:06:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Today I woke up and one of the first things out of my fathers mouth was that “you live a gentrified life!”

Mar 10, 2022 6:06:06 PM Me

excuse me?

Mar 10, 2022 6:07:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Once I asked for a definition, what he meant was that I’m not working a 9-5 job trading my life for soul sucking, all to put money in a 401K for “someday” — the day that never comes.

Mar 10, 2022 6:08:34 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I told him I’ve decided to live my life here today, with what I’ve been given. Not live today trading my time and soul for some money to sit around for “someday” Fuck that.

Mar 10, 2022 6:09:07 PM Me

My life has never gone according to his plan.

Mar 10, 2022 7:35:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

That’s good since it’s your life 😀

Mar 10, 2022 7:36:02 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

From his point of view he wants what he believes would be good for you

Mar 10, 2022 7:35:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

That’s good since it’s your life 😀
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 10, 2022 7:36:02 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

From his point of view he wants what he believes would be good for you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 10, 2022 7:36:20 PM +13038752587

Just got home - I’ll text more after bedtime

Mar 10, 2022 7:36:24 PM Me

K

Mar 10, 2022 8:52:07 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

What is the story your telling yourself about how she dropped you off?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 10, 2022 8:52:53 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I bet it felt good the have a welcoming reception 😍
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 10, 2022 8:52:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That she’s still completely pissed off at me.

Mar 10, 2022 8:53:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

like the past 8 months has done nothing to soften

Mar 10, 2022 8:53:23 PM Me

time isn’t healing wounds

Mar 10, 2022 8:53:34 PM Me

got it in 4 words

Mar 10, 2022 8:54:28 PM Me

The emotions yesterday were like the day at your place when I literally was this 🤯 in your downstairs bathroom

Mar 10, 2022 8:54:38 PM Me

except I was this emoji yesterday

Mar 10, 2022 8:54:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😭

Mar 10, 2022 8:56:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

there was so much going on in that SILENT drive from our house to the parking lot in Ventura. There was no conversation, no banter. Almost been a year since we’ve had anything like that.

Mar 10, 2022 8:56:53 PM Me

I can tell that subconsciously I’m reticent to really engage with her for fear of hurting her more, and making her leave

Mar 10, 2022 8:57:11 PM Me

like living on thin ice

Mar 10, 2022 8:59:22 PM +13038752587

Some direct questions Ready?

Mar 10, 2022 8:59:32 PM Me

yeah

Mar 10, 2022 8:59:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

stop it?

Mar 10, 2022 8:59:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Haha

Mar 10, 2022 9:01:05 PM Me

Hey one thing I have to take into account I am trying to find the best way forward with my lifelong mental illness.

Mar 10, 2022 9:01:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Trying to heal my marriage and heal myself at the same time

Mar 10, 2022 9:01:27 PM Me

aint fucking easy

Mar 10, 2022 9:01:42 PM Me

to do that and stay positive in light of shit days

Mar 10, 2022 9:03:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

last thing I need is my dad giving me shit. I will politely and precisely put him in his fucking place if he says one thing to me about my wife and my relationship with her. One asshat comment and 😊

Mar 10, 2022 9:04:03 PM Me

I need one more night of decent sleep tonight and then I should feel back to myself tomorrow.

Mar 10, 2022 9:04:13 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok - some words to eliminate “Trying” “Lifelong”

Mar 10, 2022 9:04:35 PM Me

I can see how yesterday was both triggering and its own unique brand of situation and stressors

Mar 10, 2022 9:04:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not an atypical day for anyone, unless you travel for a living

Mar 10, 2022 9:05:11 PM Me

ah yes, “there is no try, only do”

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Mar 10, 2022 9:05:23 PM Me

lifelong = fact

Mar 10, 2022 9:05:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve had my shit as long back as I have memories

Mar 10, 2022 9:06:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

only in the past few months have I been able to step back and see my entire life jigsaw puzzle and how the pieces fit

Mar 10, 2022 9:06:31 PM Me

that’s what knowing about BPD has done for me

Mar 10, 2022 9:07:13 PM Me

all my weird shit in my head makes fucking sense now. Its not just some random expression of genetics, emotions and hormones

Mar 10, 2022 9:07:51 PM Me

The patterns, habits and mysterious connections are clear to me now.

Mar 10, 2022 9:08:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Doenst mean that shit cant still run me, but I know what the hells going on. I know I’m not the only one with this going on in the world and its recognized by mental health professionals.

Mar 10, 2022 9:09:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its weirdly validating when all you’ve felt is like the round peg and all there are is square holes

Mar 10, 2022 9:09:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and someone comes and says, no its actually cool that you’re round and here’s why

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Mar 10, 2022 9:15:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

exactly. my new DBT therapist is very confident that once I’ve learned the skills and put them into practice consistently I should see transformation

Mar 10, 2022 9:16:10 PM Me

I look at it as a way to crawl out of the hole in my head.

Mar 10, 2022 9:17:15 PM Me

Also I’ve done A LOT of EMDR work since mid January. That shit WORKS for me personally. If you have old childhood trauma I highly suggest seeking out a EMDR pro — they’re everywhere in the US.

Mar 10, 2022 9:17:39 PM Me

I’m using an online tool by myself (with guidance from the online tools) and get great results

Mar 10, 2022 9:18:52 PM Me

basically because I know my shit—stories, habits, triggers, weird behaviors, etc because I’ve been looking inward for over 20 years investigating myself. I know all the shit

Mar 10, 2022 9:19:21 PM Me

its easy for me to bring things to the surface to check it out and explore it is what I’m getting at

Mar 10, 2022 9:21:20 PM Me

My DBT therapist also does EMDR and she’s is both surprised and very happy that I’m getting really positive results. Caveat: in our talks she said typically patients have one EMDR session a week and process over the week. I had to be honest and let her know that I’ll do 3-4 days in a row, take one day off and then do 2-3 days in a row more. Her….

Mar 10, 2022 9:21:25 PM Me

👀

Mar 10, 2022 9:21:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and I can see it on her face.

Mar 10, 2022 9:22:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m smile and say “don’t worry, once I get going the tears come and I ride the wave all the way into shore”

Mar 10, 2022 9:22:32 PM Me

I actually got a “Wow” from her after that

Mar 10, 2022 9:23:46 PM Me

So my EMDR work is on like HYPER-SPEED and I can seriously say that is has literally SHUT OFF things in my body and brain that have been turned on for over 30-40 years from triggering events of the past.

Mar 10, 2022 9:24:50 PM Me

I can think about them in great detail, and its just a memory with zero power or control or impact on your psyche at a root level because you’ve processed your shit — its quite amazing

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Mar 10, 2022 9:25:33 PM Me

listen I dont know why putting tiny thin needles into people bodies does magic and they call it accupuncture and people swear by it, I liken this as the same thing

Mar 10, 2022 9:26:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I remember when I was visiting you mentioning family/parent shit that went down as a kid.

Mar 10, 2022 9:26:44 PM Me

if that shit still has impact on you today, or even if you suspect it does I would checkout EMDR

Mar 10, 2022 9:27:59 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

I’m sure it is under there a bit. I’ll look into it.

Mar 10, 2022 9:28:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

here’s search results for 25miles within Longmont from the National EMDR therapist registry :

Mar 10, 2022 9:28:45 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

EMDR International Association

Mar 10, 2022 9:29:26 PM Me

like 5 ppl in longmont, then you’re into niwot and erie

Mar 10, 2022 9:29:50 PM Me

and you may know ppl locally that know one of these ppl and can vouch

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:07 PM +13038752587

I’m going to get some rest. You have come far in the past few months with your mental game. Well done and keep it up 😀

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:12 PM Me

haha me too

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:19 PM Me

thank you

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:23 PM Me

I do feel it

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:32 PM Me

but I still have bad days like everyone

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:38 PM Me

😛

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, bed for me too

Mar 10, 2022 9:30:47 PM Me

talk soon

Mar 10, 2022 9:31:03 PM Me

take care and thanks for texting with me yesterday

Mar 10, 2022 9:31:15 PM Me

it helps/helped A LOT

Mar 10, 2022 9:32:17 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Always 😍

Mar 12, 2022 3:18:34 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

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Mar 15, 2022 10:00:04 AM +13038752587

I’m calling

Mar 16, 2022 7:59:43 AM +13038752587

Mar 17, 2022 1:35:32 PM +13038752587

What’s up in Waterford.?

Mar 17, 2022 9:04:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey

Mar 17, 2022 9:04:49 PM Me

overall things in wfd are ok.

Mar 17, 2022 9:05:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I however had a personal St Patricks Day Massacre.

Mar 17, 2022 9:05:48 PM Me

call with A+L mgmt today and looks like once i’m done with this project there doesnt look like they want to work with me anymore.

Mar 17, 2022 9:08:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my suspicion is there is either politics or power at play here with my push out. They’re a company that treats people really well, at least that is the perception and the brand they project. The creative director is a good friend and I do not think she would want me to leave, she actually cried in our call today. Surprisingly, to me, I didn’t get visibly emotional or shaken.

Mar 17, 2022 9:09:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I “FELT” all the emotions inside my brain and body that I expected, but they never took over my experience. I remained not only calm and relaxed but kept the conversation going for over 30 mins to catch up with her.

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Mar 17, 2022 9:11:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have been expecting this, but its still hard when it happens. The hardest thing is not knowing clearly why and who is against me working there. Not sure its worth the effort in pursuing, or will it eat at me long term?

Mar 17, 2022 9:19:40 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 50 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This is understandable that it is hard. I would suggest looking inward for how this serves you. You had mentioned that your work performance fell off in your dark period. Give it a day or two to settle. If you feel the need to have more insight, you can reach out to key folks and ask them for feedback as an opportunity for your professional development??

Mar 18, 2022 9:11:53 AM (Read by them after 31 minutes, 7 seconds) ⇲ Me

Yeah, was going to maybe reach out and ask. I know they are getting busy with work, yet not looping me in on some of them stings.

Mar 17, 2022 9:11:15 PM Me

😛

Mar 17, 2022 9:11:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

we can talk over the weekend when you have time. I’m here—I think—until I can afford a plane ticket out of here (not kidding)

Mar 17, 2022 9:19:40 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 50 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This is understandable that it is hard. I would suggest looking inward for how this serves you. You had mentioned that your work performance fell off in your dark period. Give it a day or two to settle. If you feel the need to have more insight, you can reach out to key folks and ask them for feedback as an opportunity for your professional development??
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 17, 2022 9:21:42 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 48 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

There are some cool companies out there looking for folks with your skill set - I was reading some job description for travel companies and thought of you a few times today.

Mar 18, 2022 9:11:53 AM (Read by them after 31 minutes, 7 seconds) ⇱ Me

Yeah, was going to maybe reach out and ask. I know they are getting busy with work, yet not looping me in on some of them stings.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 18, 2022 9:16:03 AM (Read by them after 26 minutes, 57 seconds) Me

Also i’m psychologically challenged by the idea that I was not myself last year and lost my job, and (nearly) lost my marriage and family — and yet here I am working my ass off to get better and stable — feeling more stable now than really at any time in life despite the shit going down around me. Yet, I feel like a prisoner doing time for crimes of the past with what feels like no end in sight.

Mar 18, 2022 9:16:07 AM (Read by them after 26 minutes, 53 seconds) Me

Yeah I fucked up.

Mar 18, 2022 9:16:17 AM (Read by them after 26 minutes, 43 seconds) Me

But how long do I have to pay a price?

Mar 18, 2022 9:51:25 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 56 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

As long as you choose. Once you forgive yourself other things will follow

Mar 18, 2022 9:17:38 AM (Read by them after 25 minutes, 22 seconds) Me

Already have beaten my mind to a pulp over these issues—never mind outside punishment. Internal built in shame and guilt scripts have played over and over in my head and only meditation has been able to calm that down.

Mar 18, 2022 9:18:14 AM (Read by them after 24 minutes, 46 seconds) Me

Anyhow, just getting words/thoughts out of my head. Big picture I’m ok, my life is just fucked up right now

Mar 18, 2022 9:18:30 AM (Read by them after 24 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

It can get better, I do know that

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Mar 18, 2022 9:53:47 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 53 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It is getting better everyday Two phrases that are beneficial How does it get better than that? What else is possible? In that order

Mar 18, 2022 9:51:25 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 56 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

As long as you choose. Once you forgive yourself other things will follow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 18, 2022 9:53:47 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 53 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It is getting better everyday Two phrases that are beneficial How does it get better than that? What else is possible? In that order
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 20, 2022 7:35:14 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Spring

Mar 20, 2022 7:36:04 PM Me

Mar 20, 2022 7:36:41 PM Me

Yes. If I could 👂 Russ took me to the a Korn show

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Mar 20, 2022 8:25:52 PM Me

So f ing loud

Mar 20, 2022 8:27:07 PM Me

Mar 22, 2022 5:34:58 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 22, 2022 7:06:04 PM Me

Hope all is well

Mar 22, 2022 8:01:51 PM Me

Don’t know if it’s just me, or me being here, but feels like my depression is getting worse over past 2 weeks of being here. Maybe less sun and hiking, no dogs, not sure, but I feel worse.

Mar 22, 2022 8:02:29 PM ⇲ +13038752587

🛑

Mar 22, 2022 8:02:36 PM ⇲ +13038752587

😍

Mar 22, 2022 8:02:29 PM ⇱ +13038752587

🛑
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Mar 22, 2022 8:02:32 PM Me

ALOT of triggers here, like a fucking minefield

Mar 22, 2022 8:02:58 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I bet - into the heart of the beast

Mar 22, 2022 8:02:36 PM ⇱ +13038752587

😍
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2022 8:02:58 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I bet - into the heart of the beast
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2022 8:03:42 PM Me

Mar 22, 2022 8:04:02 PM Me

Sky is the same for sure

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Mar 22, 2022 8:04:21 PM +13038752587

What are you doing to capitalize on the triggers to fund the gifts?

Mar 22, 2022 8:04:40 PM +13038752587

*find

Mar 22, 2022 8:04:53 PM Me

Being not doing

Mar 22, 2022 8:05:20 PM Me

avoiding distractiins and sitting with tortuous emotions

Mar 22, 2022 8:05:41 PM +13038752587

The triggers are entry ways for the work you are doing - yes?

Mar 22, 2022 8:06:25 PM Me

If I can’t sit with them and just be with them This will run my life until I’m dead

Mar 22, 2022 8:07:06 PM +13038752587

If you can’t sit with them then there is still gold for you to uncover

Mar 22, 2022 8:07:12 PM Me

It’s one thing to sit in California and imagine the triggers, and be triggered and try to process. It’s an entirely different situation sitting inside the death star trying to use the force

Mar 22, 2022 8:07:31 PM Me

It’s really fucking hard

Mar 22, 2022 8:08:09 PM +13038752587

Ah my young padewan- you have been training for this

Mar 22, 2022 8:09:17 PM Me

anyhow, apologies for dumping Today has been particularly cruel to me and doing my best

Mar 22, 2022 8:10:33 PM +13038752587

No apologies required or necessary

Mar 22, 2022 8:10:43 PM Me

Even had suicide show up in my head today. That was fucked up

Mar 22, 2022 8:10:52 PM Me

I am not suicidal

Mar 22, 2022 8:11:04 PM Me

Or even thinking of it

Mar 22, 2022 8:11:36 PM Me

just showed up in my head while under ALOT of overwhelm and stress

Mar 22, 2022 8:11:41 PM +13038752587

I heard something about what that is - there is a psych term for that ??

Mar 22, 2022 8:11:59 PM Me

Suicidal ideation

Mar 22, 2022 8:12:09 PM +13038752587

Yes

Mar 22, 2022 8:12:12 PM Me

Thinking about it, not doing it

Mar 22, 2022 8:12:58 PM Me

Shows up in my head, and it just makes me feel like more shit because that’s the only thing my mind can come up with. So fucking weak

Mar 22, 2022 8:13:12 PM +13038752587

No judgements

Mar 22, 2022 8:14:06 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Especially negative ones

Mar 22, 2022 8:13:40 PM +13038752587

By the way - I see you as courageous, and strong

Mar 22, 2022 8:14:06 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Especially negative ones
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Mar 22, 2022 8:14:23 PM Me

I'm headed to sleep. Need today to be over

Mar 22, 2022 8:14:55 PM Me

Dude I’m glad you think that about me I just feel like a total failure and fuck up.

Mar 22, 2022 8:15:53 PM Me

Being around the guy who put That in my head with all that I know now makes things more painful.

Mar 22, 2022 8:16:23 PM Me

In fact ive been made to feel that way more than once since being here

Mar 22, 2022 8:18:47 PM ⇲ +13038752587

No one makes you feel anyway - you choose how you feel. Although the pattern is also familiar to you.

Mar 22, 2022 8:17:30 PM +13038752587

Your dads patterns on very ingrained.

Mar 22, 2022 8:18:47 PM ⇱ +13038752587

No one makes you feel anyway - you choose how you feel. Although the pattern is also familiar to you.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2022 8:21:29 PM +13038752587

Sleep well. Be well.

Mar 22, 2022 8:21:51 PM Me

Thx

Mar 22, 2022 8:25:36 PM Me

Big picture, the overriding feeling is that I will never experience happiness, joy, or love ever again - that how I’ve felt for over a year now. I’m losing hope

Mar 22, 2022 8:33:06 PM +13038752587

It’s understandable how you are feeling that. Deep in the darkness everything fades away to dark. Hope is inside you, so it can not fade away. True joy is inside you. Love, oh love, love is never ending. As the world outside fades into the darkness, look inside and you will find hope and joy and LOVE. The light you seek is within and it is shining brightly. And it is ready for you to see it.

Mar 23, 2022 8:47:04 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 21 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 23, 2022 8:47:24 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 21 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 23, 2022 8:47:40 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 20 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 23, 2022 8:48:09 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 20 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 23, 2022 8:49:07 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 19 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 23, 2022 8:49:28 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 19 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

From my morning reading today

Mar 24, 2022 9:35:51 AM (Read by you after 22 hours, 32 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me

Mar 25, 2022 8:17:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hi there, yes I’m here. was busy yesterday helping my mom with stuff around house—fixing broken sliding spice rack (2hours) and setup/install/config of a new Ring video doorbell. Since my dad is largely incapacitated I told my mom to make a list of things she would like done while I’m here. So, was largely offline yesterday, didn’t do much other than look at social media.

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Mar 25, 2022 8:17:39 AM Me

Did play darts with my brother last night, a place in Albany. Parting Glass is next weekend. Going to spend the night up there

Mar 25, 2022 8:24:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think you sent me Matt’s info? I’ll be sure to ping him when we have it locked down.

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Mar 25, 2022 8:24:45 AM Me

would be cool to see him, haven’t in LONG time

Mar 25, 2022 12:24:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

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Mar 25, 2022 1:02:03 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

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Mar 25, 2022 1:02:43 PM Me

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Mar 25, 2022 2:32:29 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 50 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

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Mar 26, 2022 8:20:51 AM Me

hope you’re having a good saturday

Mar 26, 2022 8:39:30 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

found this funny

Mar 26, 2022 8:39:39 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Mar 26, 2022 8:46:05 AM Me

you and the family might find watching this video fun.

Mar 26, 2022 8:46:08 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Mar 26, 2022 8:46:35 AM Me

amazing juggling skills btw

Mar 28, 2022 10:36:41 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

a challenging day on the seas of the mind. Strong winds, large swells early but still choppy, dark clouds everywhere. Been through these type of storms before, but my fatigue is deep. Feels like there is more ballast to lose before smooth sailing.

Mar 28, 2022 10:39:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my dad asked me when I’m going to sit down and tell them what is going on with me and Liz. My reply is there is nothing to tell, the relationship is in a bad space and I don’t want to talk about it.

Mar 28, 2022 10:39:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it was intensely triggering internally.

Mar 28, 2022 10:40:09 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

but I didn’t express anything, just silence

Mar 28, 2022 10:54:34 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Did you express later through any of your tools?

Mar 28, 2022 11:23:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no. also still processing an emotional outburst from my father as we were going out to dinner last night. He went mental over seriously trivial stuff ( getting out of the car before I pull into the parking space because it will be easier for him ) Yelled at me, angry as all hell, and proceeded to get out of the car and slam the door. Acting like a 5-year-old. Anyhow, every day there are multiple triggers here for me. It’s far more intense than remembering the past while sitting in sunny California. I sit here under 24/7 gray skies and rain/snow inside my parents’ bubble feeling intense shame, guilt, and an overwhelming sense of failure not just on one ‘thing’ or area of life, but failing as a human. I suspect you may reply and tell me that I’m a good human and I matter, I hear you, I understand you, I can see it logically, but I don’t FEEL IT I’m struggling with the juxtaposition of the past, the present, and feeling emotions intensely while at the same time striving for equanimity and peace. I meditated this morning for 20 mins and half of it was spent crying as I focused on my breathing. And here I sit in procrastination in front of the one thing that WILL move me forward, my own website and portfolio. If I can get some momentum there I think it would help my psyche and emotions. Self-esteem is essentially non-existent and self-doubt very strong. All that by 12 noon today. 😊

Mar 28, 2022 11:24:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m tired and ready for bed. haha

Mar 28, 2022 11:36:56 AM (Read by you after 59 seconds) +13038752587

Take a nap 💤

Mar 28, 2022 11:37:52 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Binural Beats so you wake up energized- then just sit at you computer until the work is done

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Mar 28, 2022 1:38:35 PM Me

carpocalypse in PA today

Mar 28, 2022 1:38:38 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Mar 28, 2022 2:13:11 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

Mar 28, 2022 2:22:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

exactly

Mar 28, 2022 2:23:06 PM Me

my eyes the whole time

Mar 28, 2022 2:23:11 PM Me

👀

Mar 28, 2022 2:23:34 PM Me

couldn’t look away even tho I knew more bad was coming

Mar 28, 2022 2:24:12 PM Me

how about that one dude who got out his car and was nearly killed by car coming his way…. holy heart attack

Mar 28, 2022 3:19:11 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

He definitely has angels watching over him

Mar 29, 2022 11:38:06 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey there. hope u r doing well and the family too!

Mar 29, 2022 11:38:30 AM Me

In a better head space today. not so grim

Mar 29, 2022 11:45:51 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Mar 30, 2022 8:46:30 AM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I read this poem in my book this morning and thought of you. I went online to find a version for you to read and found this with an afterward I liked.

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Mar 30, 2022 8:46:31 AM +13038752587

http://thepracticelondon.org/poetry/poems-of-transformation-the-journey-by-mary-oliver/

Mar 30, 2022 9:38:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thanks for that. I like it quite a bit.

Mar 30, 2022 9:38:57 AM Me

discovering that I am my biggest obstacle

Mar 30, 2022 9:39:29 AM Me

“if I could only get out of my own way…”

Mar 30, 2022 9:50:10 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

You are getting out of your own way , you are well into the journey, keep pressing on

Mar 30, 2022 9:58:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had a surreal experience on my last hike through Peebles Island. While on a trail I suddenly recognized the scene in front of me exactly matched a 30-year-old sketch I have in an old sketchbook, titled “Nowhere Man” a forest of thin, leafless trees reaching for the cold gray sky so numerous its hard to see where sky ends and land begins. The perspective leads to a vanishing point straight ahead into who knows what… And there I was, the nowhere man, hiking in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody…

Mar 30, 2022 9:59:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the earworm crawled in and was with me fore the remainder of the day

Mar 30, 2022 10:20:16 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Send the sketch

Mar 30, 2022 3:22:44 PM Me

I just 🤯🤬 my dad got pissy with me. Totally mental dump of word salad and rage in his face. Anyhow… now closed off on the room

Mar 30, 2022 3:25:09 PM +13038752587

Well… How do you feel now that you let it out?

Mar 30, 2022 3:25:21 PM Me

Awful

Mar 30, 2022 3:25:27 PM +13038752587

Why?

Mar 30, 2022 3:25:56 PM Me

Made no sense, word salad rage 😡

Mar 30, 2022 3:26:18 PM +13038752587

Yes - but you released the emotional component

Mar 30, 2022 3:26:24 PM Me

Couldn’t think straight or logically

Mar 30, 2022 3:26:50 PM +13038752587

Makes sense- rage is not eloquent

Mar 30, 2022 3:26:59 PM Me

Doesn’t feel like it. Feels like it’s still here

Mar 30, 2022 3:27:16 PM +13038752587

I bet there is more

Mar 30, 2022 3:27:31 PM Me

Great ugh

Mar 30, 2022 3:27:45 PM +13038752587

Do you want to release more and get some valuable insight?

Mar 30, 2022 3:28:12 PM +13038752587

Without engaging with your father to do it

Mar 30, 2022 3:28:32 PM Me

I just want my life back

Mar 30, 2022 3:28:41 PM +13038752587

Of course

Mar 30, 2022 3:29:23 PM +13038752587

I believe this step will head you in that direction

Mar 30, 2022 3:31:45 PM +13038752587

Now is the perfect moment to take the step… Ready?

Mar 30, 2022 3:32:05 PM Me

K

Mar 30, 2022 3:32:37 PM +13038752587

Ok - get a paper and pen

Mar 30, 2022 3:32:48 PM +13038752587

A headset

Mar 30, 2022 3:32:53 PM Me

K

Mar 30, 2022 3:33:18 PM +13038752587

Go pee, get water I’m calling in 5 mins

Mar 30, 2022 5:12:57 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Reactions:

Loved by Me

Mar 30, 2022 7:18:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey there

Mar 30, 2022 7:18:25 PM Me

been hammering away on UpWork since we got off

Mar 30, 2022 7:18:31 PM Me

doing lots of edits now

Mar 30, 2022 7:19:02 PM Me

anyhow, reason I’m pinging is that my father just walked in and asked me… “what what that all about?”

Mar 30, 2022 7:19:18 PM Me

“you were all over the place”

Mar 30, 2022 7:23:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

and so I proceeded to engage emotional regulation and tell him as succinctly as possible why I blew up. That moment was a trigger, the “all over the place” was trying to fit 10lbs in a 2lb bag, gotta work fast 😊 anyhow I explained that I’m working through my shit. he then somehow began to critique me for taking the time to hike every day, that I live a gentrified life. I submitted to him that I’ve been very hard on myself for 9 months and I’ve got all the critique I can handle. Don’t worry I’m likely already berating myself about what you’re thinking.

Mar 30, 2022 7:25:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I told him that I’m on the verge of losing my marriage and my family — neither of whom I want to lose at all. (saying/thinking of that in the moment nearly made me cry, and as I write this I do)

Mar 30, 2022 7:25:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Said I remain optimistic but have no idea how my life is going to turn out going forward. Its not all my decision.

Mar 30, 2022 7:26:12 PM Me

k, back to it.

Mar 30, 2022 7:34:05 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

I’m glad you were able to talk with him and let him know what’s going on 😍

Mar 30, 2022 8:02:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey, here’s some $$$ for your help earlier 😊

Mar 30, 2022 8:02:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Mar 30, 2022 8:02:48 PM Me

🤣

Mar 30, 2022 8:02:58 PM Me

click on it

Mar 30, 2022 8:12:17 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Is it supposed to be interactive?

Mar 30, 2022 8:12:31 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Just the image shows

Mar 30, 2022 8:13:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no

Mar 30, 2022 8:13:14 PM Me

just thought a trillion dollar bill was hilarious

Mar 30, 2022 8:13:40 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

It is - thought there was something more to it

Mar 30, 2022 8:15:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey is $120 an hour right for me?

Mar 30, 2022 8:15:20 PM Me

or $90

Mar 30, 2022 8:15:37 PM +13038752587

What’s the going rates

Mar 30, 2022 8:15:41 PM +13038752587

On Upwork

Mar 30, 2022 8:15:49 PM Me

obviously 90 will get more work

Mar 30, 2022 8:15:51 PM Me

not sure

Mar 30, 2022 8:15:55 PM Me

where to look

Mar 30, 2022 8:16:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m at last step before I publish

Mar 30, 2022 8:16:15 PM Me

been working on it since we hung up.

Mar 30, 2022 8:16:31 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Great

Mar 30, 2022 8:16:54 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

I’m checking now from client side as I’m set up for both

Mar 30, 2022 8:22:09 PM +13038752587

Can you jump in a zoom

Mar 30, 2022 8:22:41 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll show you what’s folks are charging

Mar 30, 2022 8:23:06 PM Me

according to the bible of my industry for salary, depending on location, someone in my type of role makes 110-150k

Mar 30, 2022 8:23:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://aquent.com/pdf/Aquent_Salary_Guide_2022.pdf

Mar 30, 2022 8:25:08 PM Me

150k untaxed is $75hr for 40hrs wk

Mar 30, 2022 8:25:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no zoom

Mar 30, 2022 8:25:45 PM +13038752587

It’s all over the place on salary sites

Mar 30, 2022 8:26:07 PM Me

pick a dude on upstart who u think has chops like mine, what’s he/she/they charge?

Mar 30, 2022 8:26:51 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 30, 2022 8:26:54 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Patrick

Mar 30, 2022 8:27:09 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 30, 2022 8:27:11 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Shannon

Mar 30, 2022 8:28:04 PM Me

let me put $90 and see what happens

Mar 30, 2022 8:28:19 PM Me

I’ll find out quick 😊

Mar 30, 2022 8:30:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Did you buy connects

Mar 30, 2022 8:31:26 PM Me

Upwork

Mar 30, 2022 8:34:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I got 50 connects for free. See them on my page. didn’t pay anything

Mar 30, 2022 8:35:19 PM Me

maybe because I filled out my profile thoroughly from the start and verified my phone #?

Mar 30, 2022 8:35:57 PM Me

I’m beat. I’ll look at projects tomorrow. going to watch something to zone out a while. brain is tired

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Mar 30, 2022 8:36:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thanks again for spending time with me today—very grateful

Mar 30, 2022 8:36:35 PM Me

gnite

Mar 30, 2022 8:37:12 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Great job 👏

Mar 31, 2022 8:33:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

first words I hear this morning are my father criticizing me. Really? What the actual FUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!

Mar 31, 2022 8:34:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

to my face

Mar 31, 2022 8:34:44 AM Me

my head is going to 🤯

Mar 31, 2022 8:35:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its weird sometimes I reflect back and think that suicide may have been a good option

Mar 31, 2022 8:35:54 AM Me

I hate my life

Mar 31, 2022 8:36:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Mar 31, 2022 8:36:42 AM Me

just venting

Mar 31, 2022 8:36:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m ok

Mar 31, 2022 8:38:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I woke up actually feeling little to no stress and inside of 60 seconds that was gone and now have a tension headache which I was dealing with all day yesterday.

Mar 31, 2022 8:38:46 AM Me

and to clarify I hate my life right now

Mar 31, 2022 9:37:54 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Did you write down the questions we did yesterday?

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Mar 31, 2022 9:38:07 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Stack it again

Mar 31, 2022 9:38:50 AM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

Also take action on the first duck 🦆

Mar 31, 2022 9:39:32 AM +13038752587

Dive into Upwork - reminder about verified payment postings

Mar 31, 2022 9:39:56 AM +13038752587

I suggest doing a stack first

Mar 31, 2022 12:31:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Mar 31, 2022 1:18:45 PM Me

just sent a proposal to an architectural firm in NYC who needs help with WordPress website.

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Mar 31, 2022 1:19:03 PM Me

chose to boost my proposal. kept it very low-key and chill

Mar 31, 2022 1:19:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

talk like a human, not a “high-performer with a can-do attitude who like to stay late and work weekends”

Reactions:

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Mar 31, 2022 1:20:23 PM Me

also added 4 WordPress projects to portfolio

Mar 31, 2022 1:20:34 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Smart

Mar 31, 2022 1:20:26 PM +13038752587

People hire people

Mar 31, 2022 1:20:34 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Smart
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 31, 2022 1:20:47 PM Me

once I have my site done I’ll link there.

Mar 31, 2022 1:21:13 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

have some visuals there, one of which won an award in 2012

Mar 31, 2022 1:21:56 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Find some more to apply to

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Mar 31, 2022 1:22:12 PM Me

I will

Mar 31, 2022 1:22:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

spent a lot of time putting portfolio stuff in there

Mar 31, 2022 1:22:29 PM Me

push a little here, a little there

Mar 31, 2022 1:22:53 PM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

Good job

Mar 31, 2022 1:23:34 PM Me

nothing could go wrong

Mar 31, 2022 1:23:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Mar 31, 2022 1:25:01 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Your profile looks great

Mar 31, 2022 1:25:11 PM Me

cool

Mar 31, 2022 1:25:52 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

I have been invite to two interviews this week - people are starving for talent. And you have a lot

Mar 31, 2022 1:26:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh I also “turned on” my available sign so I show up in searches higher, etc.

Mar 31, 2022 1:26:31 PM Me

Anything to up my profile

Mar 31, 2022 1:26:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hasn’t cost me real money….. yet!

Mar 31, 2022 1:32:49 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

I don’t think 🤔 so - I’ll let you know

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Mar 31, 2022 1:36:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

i miss the sun and nice weather.

Mar 31, 2022 1:37:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

more rain in a week than Ojai gets in a year

Apr 01, 2022 11:00:02 AM Me

Twitter

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Apr 01, 2022 7:23:44 PM Me

TikTok

Apr 01, 2022 7:23:44 PM Me

Watch the cat walking

Reactions:

Laughed by +13038752587

Apr 04, 2022 1:33:41 PM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

What’s happening

Apr 04, 2022 2:27:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

not much. submitting proposals and trying to land a project. still working on my site. Made excellent progress past few days, its getting close.

Apr 04, 2022 2:36:31 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Cool

Apr 04, 2022 2:28:07 PM Me

as you may imagine, a designers website has to be up to a minimal standard to be taken seriously

Apr 04, 2022 2:36:16 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

That is one story 😀

Apr 04, 2022 2:36:16 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

That is one story 😀
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 04, 2022 2:36:31 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Cool
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 04, 2022 2:38:58 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 17 seconds) +13038752587

All of my websites are outstanding and are immediately appreciated for their design.

Apr 04, 2022 3:15:37 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Reactions:

Loved by Me

Apr 04, 2022 3:21:54 PM Me

Really do love that. Speaks to my insides directly

Apr 05, 2022 10:36:18 AM +13038752587

May need your paid help on a project - let’s chat today

Apr 05, 2022 4:02:51 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Apr 06, 2022 7:43:10 AM Me

Hey sorry to miss u yesterday. Was helping my mom with lots of work around the house. I can help u out today if u need

Apr 06, 2022 7:44:44 AM +13038752587

Waiting in response from client- I’ll text once I hear

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Apr 06, 2022 7:45:14 AM Me

Been submitting proposals and no bites yet

Apr 06, 2022 7:45:31 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

How many?

Apr 06, 2022 8:28:42 AM Me

5

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Apr 06, 2022 8:30:52 AM Me

Btw, was triggered hard this morning waking up to the sound of my dad raging 😡 Took me back to 11 years old. The fear trigger was instant. Was a weird way to start the day

Apr 06, 2022 8:32:32 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Stack it. These are great opportunities for you to clear them out

Apr 06, 2022 9:48:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

just sent another proposal for an Adobe XD gig

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Apr 06, 2022 1:29:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think I scare people with how much experience I have. 😊

Apr 06, 2022 1:30:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I emailed you a link to something I wrote up that I want to send to A+L’s creating director, but I dont want to piss ppl off or burn bridges

Apr 06, 2022 1:46:50 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Hold off in sending that. Let’s chat. I’ll call you in about 15

Apr 06, 2022 5:59:52 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Apr 06, 2022 5:59:52 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

haha

Apr 06, 2022 6:03:59 PM +13038752587

ROFL 🤣

Apr 06, 2022 6:12:24 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

so, went on a 5-mile walk (no hills here so not technically a hike to me) and had an insight that was a moment of clarity around what is bothering me. they called a meeting with me to “let me go” flat out. but Daisey fought for me and said that was too harsh. So IMO someone was done. That was BEFORE anyone at A+L knew about my depression and how it was affecting my work and decision-making. Now that I have my head screwed on straight, while grateful for the off-ramp of work on the website I still feel slighted by the lack of compassion towards my situation. Hence the cognitive dissonance of “we care about people” which I honestly did feel cared for until the floor fell out. I’m pissed because it was great work, good people, flexible and the position I longed for after suffering in the cubicle all those years ago. Again “depressed me” fucked up all my shit—my relationship with Liz and my bread-n-butter—and back to “normal me” has to reconcile, pay and redeem myself from all I did and messed up. Having to suffer twice over the same thing is god damn cruel, at least that’s how it feels. And yes I’m aware that suffering is a choice, but we’re talking about the woman I love down to my DNA and in that case the hurt is at a level where there is no decision to be made, the body just reacts at a root level without thought, like your heartbeat or breathing. OK, off my chest now. Thanks again for calling today. Despite my lack of response and enthusiasm on the other end you were heard and I am grateful. off to eat and vegetate on some video

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Apr 07, 2022 8:45:24 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Watch - it’s a good message

Apr 07, 2022 9:20:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

watch what? was there supposed to be a link or something?

Apr 07, 2022 9:21:44 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/the-success-state-of-mind

Apr 07, 2022 9:30:32 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Did you look at the website I emailed to you

Apr 07, 2022 9:31:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not yet, doing my exercises and meditation

Apr 07, 2022 9:46:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

watched it. very good and I signed up for his April 12th talk

Apr 07, 2022 9:46:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thanks!

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Apr 07, 2022 9:48:59 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Website response?

Apr 07, 2022 11:28:14 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

wut?

Apr 07, 2022 11:28:18 AM Me

what response?

Apr 07, 2022 11:28:53 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

had A+L disconnect my access to Adobe yesterday. No apps for me unless I pony up $50+ bucks a month for a subscription

Apr 07, 2022 11:28:55 AM Me

😟

Apr 07, 2022 11:29:12 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

problem is, dont have $50, or a cc to put it on

Apr 07, 2022 11:29:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what a GREAT day!

Apr 07, 2022 11:29:56 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

universe is telling me something

Apr 07, 2022 11:42:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it just came into my brain! Its telling me I should not get out of bed.

Apr 07, 2022 12:06:45 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Haha

Apr 07, 2022 12:07:02 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

It’s telling you to have a sense of humor

Apr 07, 2022 12:07:34 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I sent an email with a site I may need help tweaking

Apr 07, 2022 12:07:44 PM Me

k

Apr 07, 2022 12:08:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going out on a walk while there is a pocket of clouds open before it comes down hard @ 3

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Apr 07, 2022 1:45:41 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

got back and a bit wet. walk was good for the mind.

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Apr 07, 2022 1:45:51 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

I’ll look for your email

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Apr 07, 2022 2:09:42 PM Me

Just subscribed to adobe suite. Can’t work without it for now

Apr 07, 2022 2:16:12 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get deal?

Apr 07, 2022 2:16:56 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes) +13038752587

I get offers often for it - free trials for a bit - although it is a tool you need

Apr 07, 2022 2:29:20 PM Me

no deal, $52/mo for every app they have

Apr 07, 2022 3:07:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

took a look at the site. I can see enormous opportunities to improve the overall presentation of information on that website. Good thing is they have enough content, but its either disorganized, or overload (products page) Off top of head I would say finding a new theme and moving them into that while simultaneously reorganizing content. But before organizing you have to take literal stock of where things are now so you know where all the content sits at the moment. Then take time to do some information architecture to reorganize it. Once you have the content mapped out, time to move it over. Let me know what you think.

Apr 07, 2022 3:36:18 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

We are on the same page. Once I get a firm go ahead and login info then we can begin - has to be a quick turnaround

Apr 07, 2022 3:52:15 PM Me

do they want to approve where its going before we actually move it?

Apr 07, 2022 4:05:39 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Apr 07, 2022 4:06:19 PM Me

if they want quick turnaround they need to provide quick feedback once the solution is presented.

Apr 07, 2022 4:06:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just saying 😊

Reactions:

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Apr 07, 2022 4:15:19 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Off to swimming with the girls

Apr 07, 2022 4:15:26 PM Me

cool

Apr 08, 2022 10:31:03 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Solo parent patrol this weekend- girls go to grandmas for a sleepover tonight

Apr 08, 2022 11:22:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so no kids. no spouse too? “solo” makes me think so

Apr 08, 2022 11:33:09 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

kids today - tonight and Sat morning no kids - Saturday night Sunday kids

Apr 08, 2022 11:33:38 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Hopefully Willow wants me to stay at grandmas too

Apr 08, 2022 12:17:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool

Apr 08, 2022 12:17:42 PM Me

when you have a minute see if you can look at the different videos I have in the background. Not sure which is best. I have 5 options. Let me know what you think.

Apr 08, 2022 12:17:46 PM Me

Bert Mahoney

Apr 08, 2022 12:27:36 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 41 seconds) +13038752587

2 and 4

Apr 08, 2022 12:29:05 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

1 and 3 - serious and unfriendly

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Apr 09, 2022 12:22:10 PM +13038752587

Hola

Apr 09, 2022 4:22:54 PM Me

Hey

Apr 09, 2022 4:25:22 PM +13038752587

At Barry’s right now

Apr 09, 2022 4:25:40 PM +13038752587

Want your opinion on something

Apr 09, 2022 4:25:47 PM +13038752587

I’ll text you later

Apr 09, 2022 4:26:04 PM Me

Ok

Apr 11, 2022 8:32:35 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

hahahahaha

Reactions:

Laughed by +13038752587

Apr 11, 2022 8:32:50 AM Me

happy monday

Apr 11, 2022 10:14:19 AM Me

A share. No action for you. Reconciling the suffering I feel daily as “a choice” with daily reminder/memory of hurting the one I love more deeply than I can comprehend. It can be an overwhelming and all-encompassing feeling that is hard to be rational with. It has an ouroboros quality to it—something I’m all too familiar with. The ‘gut-punch’ is autonomic to me — it happens without thought or provocation, just tears, sadness, and weeping. Liken it to eternal grieving. All these months later it hurts more as time goes on. I can see it in my face in the mirror—grief, and loss. And yet I breathe and somehow wake up… just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world. …another day closer to the end passing without notice to the sound of joy in the air about you deafened by the sounds your soul infinitely weeping from the unwanted hurt you cannot take back. I have no way to say to the one I love dearest how deeply sorry I am for all the hurt I’ve caused over all these years together. Unable to undo what was done I fear all bridges are burned and I can never return to the love I cherish more than any other.

Apr 11, 2022 10:17:56 AM Me

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist. — Oscar Wilde

Apr 11, 2022 10:31:22 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Powerful message ❤️ There is a way to say your sorry Bridges can be rebuilt Mending a broken love is possible Your fear is given life by a story about a future that has not happened.

Apr 11, 2022 10:31:59 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

A word popped into my mind as I hit send Forgiveness

Apr 11, 2022 3:59:24 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Requesting your opinion asap

Apr 11, 2022 3:59:37 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes) +13038752587

On a zoom

Apr 11, 2022 3:59:49 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

See text

Apr 12, 2022 7:35:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

howdy, replying to your opinion need

Apr 12, 2022 7:35:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“see text” ??

Apr 12, 2022 7:35:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what text?

Apr 12, 2022 9:00:16 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

On your phone number channel

Apr 12, 2022 9:00:49 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Either way no worries- are you available for 15m at 11:30 your time?

Apr 12, 2022 9:00:57 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I want your opinion

Apr 12, 2022 9:34:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

dont see text you are referring to. Looked on computer and phone

Apr 12, 2022 10:00:50 AM +13038752587

No worries

Apr 12, 2022 11:00:17 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s connect at 3 pm your time

Apr 12, 2022 11:00:21 AM +13038752587

I’ll call

Apr 12, 2022 11:00:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

EST, right?

Apr 12, 2022 11:00:40 AM +13038752587

Yes

Apr 12, 2022 12:12:30 PM Me

I’m headed out on a short hike, technically not a hike it’s really a flat walk, and this is my window of opportunity with weather here. I will likely be back I touch after three if you need me to look at screens otherwise I could talk while I’m walking

Apr 12, 2022 12:12:45 PM Me

And if I do need a screen just let me know and I will ping you when I am back here at my parents house

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Apr 12, 2022 2:10:36 PM Me

hey. I’m back in front of computer finally. NOTE: my father is sitting about 10 feet away so I wont talk about personal stuff. Last time I did he was eavesdropping on me. how do I know? He came to me and said “I was listening to your conversation and blah blah blah…” Tuned the fuck out after that. Just so u know

Apr 12, 2022 2:11:45 PM Me

u there?

Apr 12, 2022 2:11:58 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Give me 10

Apr 12, 2022 2:30:23 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Link in email

Apr 12, 2022 2:32:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, one min to login

Apr 12, 2022 4:52:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Gilbert Gottfried died. Great scene, totally ad-libbed with Eddie Murphy:

Apr 12, 2022 4:52:04 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Twitter

Apr 12, 2022 4:55:34 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

What a great scene and movie

Apr 13, 2022 6:57:17 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Apr 14, 2022 9:02:20 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

howdy, just checking in on the project work you mentioned. Found a project on Upwork yesterday that matched up with my UX skills nicely. Sent them my Orion Case Study as they’re looking for someone with medical software experience. Crossing my fingers…

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Apr 14, 2022 9:03:23 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Bringing Willow to school

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Apr 14, 2022 10:58:00 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

put intro video linked from YouTube on my upwork profile page. Let me know what you think.

Apr 14, 2022 10:58:02 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Upwork

Apr 14, 2022 12:45:52 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it out in a bit

Apr 14, 2022 12:46:29 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Lilly is positive for Covid. Whole family just went to get pct test

Apr 14, 2022 1:18:57 PM Me

Oy vey! Hope everyone is asymptomatic

Apr 14, 2022 1:20:32 PM +13038752587

Lilly is feverish, congested and threw up. And yet has good playful energy

Apr 14, 2022 1:21:02 PM +13038752587

Willow complained earlier in the week so we tested her on Tuesday / negative

Apr 14, 2022 1:21:38 PM +13038752587

Sarah has been feeling blah - cough, sore throat since she got back from Cali

Apr 14, 2022 1:22:02 PM Me

So quarantined?

Apr 14, 2022 1:22:10 PM +13038752587

Not officially

Apr 14, 2022 1:22:32 PM Me

It’s not like the quarantine police sit outside your door 😁

Apr 14, 2022 1:22:59 PM +13038752587

Willow school said if she test negative she can return in Monday. We pulled her today to get tested

Apr 14, 2022 1:24:13 PM +13038752587

Bit will keep low profile and may not be joining extended family for Easter

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Apr 15, 2022 8:12:07 AM Me

Hope u all are doing well this morning!

Apr 15, 2022 8:26:19 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

So far - Sarah Willow and I tested negative. Waiting in Lilly s results

Apr 15, 2022 8:26:53 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah has a persistent cough though

Apr 15, 2022 9:58:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

🤞

Apr 15, 2022 9:58:52 AM Me

any word from your client?

Apr 15, 2022 10:21:22 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Not yet / he got back and his daughter has Covid- I will communicate with him today

Apr 15, 2022 10:47:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh man, its everywhere again. 2 strains in NY going crazy now.

Apr 15, 2022 11:44:10 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

home page is basically all set, still need to do responsive adjustments. I have all the images selected for case studies and text written, now putting those together, and I have all the other portfolio images ready too. Almost there:

Apr 15, 2022 11:44:12 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney

Apr 15, 2022 12:55:54 PM Me

Sunny day on Peebles Island

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Apr 15, 2022 3:37:11 PM +13038752587

Apr 15, 2022 3:37:15 PM +13038752587

Verifying it’s you?

Apr 15, 2022 3:37:52 PM Me

that is me

Apr 15, 2022 3:38:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

that’s first grade

Apr 15, 2022 5:19:00 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 53 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Paint therapy- left handed

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Apr 16, 2022 11:12:55 AM Me

How’s everyone feeling?

Apr 16, 2022 1:52:41 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Lilly and Sarah not so good but getting better. Willow and I pretty good but starting to feel blah and scratchy throat

Apr 16, 2022 1:53:37 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Whole family tested negative with PCR - so it’s some other cold

Apr 16, 2022 2:10:00 PM Me

I remember something similar a while back, it’s called having kids. You guys are in that phase where the kids bring all kinds of cooties home and everybody’s getting sick. Happened to us too. Until the kids immune system‘s become more resilient it’s par for the course 😀 I really do hope you and Willow avoid it and the other ladies start feeling better soon

Apr 16, 2022 2:10:34 PM Me

I just spent an hour on an archaeological dig inside my parents garage. I begin stacking items and trying to make sense of an amorphous pile of everything. 😳

Apr 16, 2022 2:11:05 PM Me

my father asked me why I wanted to do that, my response I’m trying to get a Headstart before you’re dead 💀

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Apr 16, 2022 2:11:31 PM Me

My mom thought that was hilarious

Apr 16, 2022 2:12:10 PM Me

Besides it’s making the clean and neat freak in my mother giddy with anticipation of getting in there and sweeping the garage floor

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Apr 16, 2022 5:21:27 PM Me

Apr 16, 2022 7:30:07 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 2 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Not too bad. I is about the same

Apr 16, 2022 7:30:55 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 1 minute, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Lilly was not doing well at nap time so retested

Apr 16, 2022 7:31:07 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 1 minute, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Willow next

Apr 17, 2022 10:33:24 AM Me

Happy Easter 🐰 🐣
Sent with Balloons

Apr 17, 2022 11:24:08 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 3 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Easter 🐇

Apr 18, 2022 8:19:59 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Looks like A+L is done with me. I can’t log in to any of their accounts. I lost access to all my personal passwords. 😡

Apr 18, 2022 8:21:06 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

sent me an email saying thanks and send us your final invoice

Apr 18, 2022 8:21:16 PM Me

wow

Apr 18, 2022 8:22:23 PM +13038752587

Wow

Apr 18, 2022 8:22:31 PM Me

sat here for a few weeks waiting for them to send me the next task. I’m stunned at how they just dropped me like a bad habit. Especially after they found out about my struggles with depression

Apr 18, 2022 8:30:34 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes) +13038752587

I say all this with LOVE This was not a complete shock. Unfortunately standard protocol is to cut all access to resources and say goodbye. Feel the feelings around this. Stack them it will help unpack it. Seek the gift that this actually is. Back to taxes - done to the wire let’s chat tomorrow

Apr 18, 2022 8:45:07 PM Me

I'm ok. Shock was last year at height of depression getting dumped after delivering on 2 projects they're still making 10s of thousands to pay team's of people (they're still working on them both). THAT was shock.

Apr 18, 2022 8:46:20 PM Me

It's a virtual kick in the ass to get moving on.

Apr 18, 2022 8:46:44 PM Me

If I’m honest I’ve been dragging my ass for too long on it anyway.

Apr 18, 2022 8:52:16 PM Me

The thing I’m mentally struggling with is going back to Ojai knowing I need an apartment and not live in the same house as my family. Makes me cry to think about that every day. Not really seeing all the awesomeness in sitting in a place by myself for a majority of time into the unknown - not knowing your future and free falling

Apr 18, 2022 8:54:12 PM Me

No work. No home. Marriage basically non existent

Apr 18, 2022 8:59:51 PM Me

Been living with a broken heart for almost a year now while simultaneously working on my depression and now my BPD. It’s REALLY FVCKING HARD to stay positive and see anything get better when it continuously feels like it’s getting worse

Apr 18, 2022 9:00:16 PM Me

K, done ranting

Apr 19, 2022 5:51:13 AM Me

Apr 19, 2022 5:51:21 AM Me

This morning

Apr 19, 2022 8:29:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how u doing in CO?

Apr 19, 2022 8:30:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

get the taxes done?

Apr 19, 2022 8:50:57 AM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Wow some spring snow

Apr 19, 2022 8:51:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YEP

Apr 19, 2022 8:51:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

still out there, and still going. supposed to stop at 2-3

Apr 19, 2022 9:00:56 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Taxes done

Apr 19, 2022 9:02:24 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Cool mornings and hot days the next few 78 is hot for April

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Apr 19, 2022 9:09:00 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Having little ones and Covid is a bit draining. Lilly is effected the most. Sarah is almost back to 💯 after 10 days of zombie status. Willow mostly unaffected except at night. Sunday was a low energy day for me. Feel I’m in bounce back stage now

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Apr 19, 2022 9:15:12 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

coming out of covid took me longer to recover from any other illness. Just drags out a bit longer than you expect. Hoping NO LONG COVID for all you guys.

Apr 19, 2022 9:18:52 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Short for me did not feel it too much until Saturday and already feel much better

Apr 19, 2022 9:16:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I came across this position last night while clicking around. I read it, but positions like this I feel unsure if I’m qualified for. Let me know what you think after giving it a scan. It will help me determine what I should be applying for.

Apr 19, 2022 9:16:12 AM Me

https://jobs.lever.co/1password/e619198d-2798-438d-aaf5-d8acce8b5015

Apr 19, 2022 9:16:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

seems interesting, but dont want to waste time applying for things that dont seem a decent/good match

Apr 19, 2022 9:17:33 AM Me

FYI — getting canned (no matter the time or place) gives one a good dose of imposter syndrome when you are clueless as to the specifics of getting canned.

Apr 19, 2022 9:18:00 AM Me

Professionally VERY unsure of myself right now

Apr 19, 2022 9:18:28 AM Me

I’ll send a link to updated personal site later. Making good progress, and working on it pretty much all of today

Apr 19, 2022 9:18:52 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Short for me did not feel it too much until Saturday and already feel much better
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2022 9:27:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont handle rejection well emotionally. Being rejected by a parent during your entire upbringing has a way of distorting reality and if one is particularly sensitive, it makes things much harder to process since it helps reinforce childhood beliefs that you are not good enough.

Apr 19, 2022 12:41:51 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This is a story that has become your identity neither of which is who you really are. The story or the identity but who you are being. What something different? Create a story that makes it happen.

Apr 19, 2022 12:43:02 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Then repeat the story over and over. Meditate on the story. Write it out 50 times daily.

Apr 19, 2022 9:27:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hence imposter syndrome being triggered VERY hard

Apr 19, 2022 10:08:08 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like you have much of what they need - where do you feel you dont line up?

Apr 19, 2022 12:02:00 PM Me

Its more the imposter thing I think. Making me see it as something beyond my reach

Apr 19, 2022 12:38:56 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - reach for it - nothing to lose

Apr 19, 2022 12:41:51 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This is a story that has become your identity neither of which is who you really are. The story or the identity but who you are being. What something different? Create a story that makes it happen.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2022 12:43:02 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Then repeat the story over and over. Meditate on the story. Write it out 50 times daily.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2022 12:43:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Apr 19, 2022 1:29:43 PM Me

a song that randomly showed up in a mix today. I suddenly heard what the lady was singing…

Apr 19, 2022 1:29:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Spotify

Apr 19, 2022 1:30:14 PM Me

a bit techno/electro. good for working

Apr 19, 2022 1:47:15 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Like it

Apr 19, 2022 2:20:52 PM Me

wow, just happened across this epic speech on a statehouse floor against hate. Finally someone standing up and not being quiet about it

Apr 19, 2022 2:20:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Twitter

Apr 19, 2022 2:27:52 PM Me

dont think I sent this to you:

Apr 19, 2022 2:27:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Apr 19, 2022 2:28:03 PM Me

hilarious

Apr 19, 2022 6:00:24 PM Me

Depression is strong today

Apr 19, 2022 6:00:40 PM Me

Been spontaneously crying a lot

Apr 19, 2022 6:09:45 PM Me

Feels like there’s a part of me that has boot on my throat for getting myself in this situation and it will never give up. It is furious with me for allowing myself to fall apart so spectacularly. Should have been on meds, and not drinking. Not hurting my family, my wife, and my life. The shame feels eternal and inescapable, even with meds and talking about it. I’ve had smart people give me many perspectives, many insights and logically it all makes sense, and I can hear it, but not feel it. It never seems to stick around.

Apr 19, 2022 6:10:38 PM Me

Self forgiveness is my new holy grail

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Apr 21, 2022 8:01:17 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Saw this online this morning and it hit hard:

Apr 21, 2022 8:01:20 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Apr 21, 2022 8:02:14 AM Me

How is the family doing today? How is everyone feeling? I hope you’re feeling better today

Apr 21, 2022 8:24:43 AM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - kids both still getting fever at night. Right now full energy they had medicine this morning. Sarah has a lingering cough I am getting better but coughing often and low energy

Apr 21, 2022 8:25:35 AM Me

Oy

Apr 21, 2022 8:25:50 AM +13038752587

I want to address this mistaken point of view you have of yourself as bad.

Apr 21, 2022 8:26:37 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Let it go!

Apr 21, 2022 8:26:48 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

It does not serve you.

Apr 21, 2022 8:27:12 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

And it is false

Apr 21, 2022 8:31:35 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

When you find yourself listening to this identity and feeling it is you. Catch yourself. Step out. Tell yourself this is not me. I am (positive attributes)

Apr 21, 2022 8:38:25 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

You keep the pain and injury alive by not accepting the facts without judgement, without feelings and without stories. You seem to be choosing to stay stuck in the story of blame/shame which keeps you in victimhood. It is time to STOP being a victim and START being a victor. It’s in you. In fact you already are the victor. You are doing the work to open your eyes to it. Keep going. Assassinate the victim identity!

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Apr 21, 2022 9:17:26 AM Me

Check my progress out on Insight Timer

Apr 21, 2022 9:17:27 AM Me

https://insig.ht/b6le2UQvppb

Apr 21, 2022 9:51:26 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Excellent

Apr 21, 2022 12:22:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Question. I’ve not communicated with Elizabeth about anything other than logistics/location of things back in Ojai. No talk about our relationship, what has happened, or where things are going. Part of me desperately wants to talk about it to know where we’re at. Another part of me is so afraid to start talking because it could be the end of everything if I put my foot in my mouth—there is no room for error. A HUGE/ENORMOUS component to our relationship is what I feel is a lack of communication/connection. In the past I’ve shared with Liz that I feel forgotten. Days and weeks go by with work, training, horses, kids, eat, sleep. No time on relationship or talking about just day-to-day life. My codependent self does not want to make a big deal about things, “because my needs dont matter (a learned childhood belief). What I completely lack is the language, approach and nuance of beginning to heal things. What I also lack is a good understanding of where Liz is at mental and emotionally with me. She did look into my eyes (and through my brain and back of skull) and said “I’m DONE” and it felt like a Samurai sword went through my navel and through my spine—unheralded physical and emotional pain. I miss her dearly, love her deeply, and dont want to lose her. I turn into a sobbing mess when I think about that — which has been every day since last July. My life is in a place it shouldn’t be, because of my mental illness. I’m responsible for what happened and the fallout is literally rotting my heart from the inside out because I don’t see her smile, or hear her voice. Right now I want to buy a ticket to go back and not miss Declan’s soccer banquet on May 10, but I have no work, no job, no car, no apartment — all of which I need if I’m to go back to Ojai and move into my own place as Liz asked. I feel incredibly stuck

Apr 21, 2022 12:23:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just ranting about what is going on inside my head. nothing more

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Apr 22, 2022 1:19:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My father just insulted me to my face without even knowing what he was saying or implying thinking he was telling me either something I don’t know, or “you just gotta get over it.” The topper is that I was already struggling with the long-held beliefs he burned into my synapses decades ago and trying to elevate myself above and beyond. Then he showed up with his crossbow and shot down my balloon — today sux

Apr 22, 2022 1:20:35 PM Me

was a super trigger for depression thinking

Apr 22, 2022 1:20:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyhow, back to working on my portfolio “for whatever that’s worth”

Apr 22, 2022 3:27:17 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry to hear that.

Apr 22, 2022 3:28:03 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

Glad you identified and moved on.

Apr 22, 2022 3:29:31 PM +13038752587

Tomorrow I have time to talk and I want to take you through a cool exercise

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Apr 23, 2022 7:19:33 AM Me

Apr 23, 2022 11:33:31 AM Me

Going through my mom‘s old photo albums looking for a particular photo and I came across these. Wild !

Apr 23, 2022 11:40:41 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Great

Apr 23, 2022 12:06:00 PM Me

Show Sarah!

Apr 23, 2022 2:06:01 PM +13038752587

For sure

Apr 23, 2022 2:06:20 PM +13038752587

I’ll be ready to get on a call with you in 30m

Apr 23, 2022 2:06:45 PM +13038752587

This exercise will give you perspective and direction

Apr 24, 2022 7:09:08 PM Me

Hiked here today. First time ever. Never went here as a kid. It’s south of Albany in Voorheesville NY, about 45mins from my parents

Apr 27, 2022 2:23:44 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 55 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Apr 27, 2022 2:23:53 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 55 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Que pasa?

Apr 27, 2022 4:01:28 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 33 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Apr 28, 2022 7:35:36 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

👋

Apr 28, 2022 9:02:08 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s chat today

Apr 28, 2022 9:08:47 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

In a meeting until 1 your time

Apr 28, 2022 9:09:02 AM +13038752587

Let’s plan a call at 2pm?

Apr 28, 2022 9:09:20 AM Me

I have something at 2:45. Hard stop

Apr 28, 2022 9:09:40 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Apr 29, 2022 10:20:45 AM +13038752587

A little ❄️

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Apr 29, 2022 5:51:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

made good progress today. possibility of having the case studies dialed in by end of weekend.

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Apr 29, 2022 5:51:38 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

May 01, 2022 2:07:26 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

May 01, 2022 3:21:38 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: Screenshot 2022-05-01 at 5.14.25 PM.png.jpeg

I saw 👀 your message today and it made me smile 😊 So cool 😎 to see you all. I know we will see each other again sometime soon.

May 02, 2022 10:00:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there. hope you and the family are doing well. Back at it today after a few beverages yesterday. Good thing its raining.

May 02, 2022 10:19:33 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

early California visit with my parents. I’m older than both of them in that photo now. oy… 😊

May 02, 2022 10:23:18 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Wow- what year was that

May 02, 2022 10:22:12 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Did the video chat me through

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May 02, 2022 10:23:18 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Wow- what year was that
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 02, 2022 10:33:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

video came through. Sent you a reply. did u get it?

May 02, 2022 10:40:20 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - did not know if the video made it

May 02, 2022 10:41:05 AM Me

sure did. was a bit low rez/small but could see/hear you fine

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May 02, 2022 10:47:33 AM Me

Had an insight on my birthday yesterday, and that is — I’ve been doing life wrong. Long story short — lack, less-than, insufficiency & ‘overarching’ negative leaning thinking has been a bedrock of my existence. Clear as day it’s nurtured thinking from the cradle. Facing that thinking head on now.

May 02, 2022 10:47:46 AM Me

Feels like the early stages of this…

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May 02, 2022 10:47:52 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

May 02, 2022 1:57:10 PM Me

So far today….

May 02, 2022 1:57:13 PM Me

The outside world will never be 100% the way you want it, but the inner world can be whatever you want it to be 100%

May 02, 2022 1:57:36 PM Me

A different way to say control the controllables

May 02, 2022 1:57:47 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

🥹

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May 02, 2022 1:57:51 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

😀

May 02, 2022 1:58:05 PM +13038752587

First emoji - whoops

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May 02, 2022 1:58:39 PM Me

May 02, 2022 1:58:45 PM Me

Hiking in between the rain clouds

May 02, 2022 2:12:20 PM +13038752587

Nice

May 02, 2022 2:20:25 PM Me

May 02, 2022 2:53:10 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Pretty Grey day here too and a chilly 42

May 02, 2022 2:53:33 PM Me

Maybe 55 here. Damp

May 02, 2022 3:21:03 PM +13038752587

May 02, 2022 3:21:07 PM +13038752587

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Grouse

May 02, 2022 3:21:31 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

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Elk

May 02, 2022 3:22:59 PM Me

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May 02, 2022 3:23:05 PM Me

From bday

May 02, 2022 3:24:37 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: A5744F41-90F4-4878-B019-58295BF651E4.heic

This one too. Which I’ll now use on my website & socials

May 02, 2022 6:11:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

looking at this. once I have steady $$$:

May 02, 2022 6:11:15 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://rivian.com/r1s

May 04, 2022 10:19:15 AM +13038752587

Sweet

May 05, 2022 9:12:57 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Brain food

May 05, 2022 9:12:59 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/what-people-worship

May 06, 2022 10:36:24 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I am interested in the car. I know I could use it, but also Declan for school/work next year. Next step would be a basic tune up and assessment of its viability to make it to Ojai — is there any major work to do? Brakes, belts, struts, new tires? Let me know what you think.

May 06, 2022 11:10:11 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Tires 🛞

May 06, 2022 11:10:22 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Other stuff?

May 06, 2022 10:37:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, going to fly from here to CA I think for Declans graduation unless the car is good to go in 2 weeks. 😊 I can always fly out after my parents leave and drive back with it. Maybe bring Declan with me on the trip.

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May 06, 2022 10:38:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Major technical hurdle getting accordions working on my case studies, full steam ahead today.

May 06, 2022 11:10:11 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Tires 🛞
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 06, 2022 11:10:22 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Other stuff?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 06, 2022 7:55:56 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

May 06, 2022 7:56:09 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Dinner or championship

May 06, 2022 7:56:20 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Of champions

May 06, 2022 9:50:26 PM Me

Those margaritas are 🔥

May 10, 2022 10:49:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hope all is well. read this earlier today, was part of a larger article. Rang a bell inside my head… “Realise that you are only resentful to the extent that you have given away your personal power. Ultimately, to forgive someone means to cancel the debt you feel they owe you. It is a surrender and release of the hurt that has passed between you. The antidote to resentment is acceptance.”

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May 10, 2022 3:33:44 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

May 10, 2022 3:43:50 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

This will s similar to something I read in power of now today

May 11, 2022 10:35:22 AM (Read by them after 31 seconds) Me

At last nights team soccer banquet for Declan won “Most Impactful Player of the Season” award and made “First Team All-League.” He’s won a different team award each year he’s played: Coaches Award (10th) and Most Improved Player (11th), and now Most Impactful (12th). Serious deal is All-League. The type of player making this team in our soccer league is an EXCELLENT player — they ALL play club soccer year round so the competition and talent level is SUPER high. To be recognized by other teams and coaches is HUGE. So stoked for him. ⚽️

May 11, 2022 11:44:45 AM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Great job 👏 Declan.

May 11, 2022 11:54:09 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

working on my website. its getting very close

May 11, 2022 12:01:07 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Exciting

May 11, 2022 12:01:20 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s chat later today

May 11, 2022 12:01:27 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Car, etc

May 11, 2022 1:34:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going for a hike now. usually takes an hour.

May 11, 2022 1:35:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just finished dialing in the desktop versions of all the case study hero sections

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May 11, 2022 1:35:21 PM +13038752587

Have a good hike

May 11, 2022 1:35:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

May 11, 2022 1:35:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

May 11, 2022 1:35:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

May 11, 2022 1:36:20 PM Me

the color area is a video playing in slow motion behind the white icon(s)

May 11, 2022 1:36:38 PM +13038752587

Looks great

May 11, 2022 1:37:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

really happy with how its turning out so far

May 13, 2022 4:28:43 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 49 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Logistics Car

May 13, 2022 4:29:51 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 48 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Minimum two tires 🛞 New battery - I’ll get Registration Insurance Get a mechanic to check it out We can accomplish this all next week

May 15, 2022 11:00:19 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 38 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Inspiration for the day

May 15, 2022 11:00:26 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 38 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

The thing is, you still gotta believe in YOU. Markets down? Relationships tough? Bad day? Still gotta wake up and believe in your ability to figure things out. Please remember today: You're stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Your coach, Brendon

May 15, 2022 8:56:42 PM Me

YouTube

May 17, 2022 12:18:05 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you some emails can you check out the files

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May 18, 2022 12:08:12 PM +13038752587

Are the files clean and useable

May 18, 2022 1:06:02 PM +13038752587

Saw email - thanks - reply sent

May 19, 2022 8:41:34 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Earth to Bert

May 19, 2022 8:41:44 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s get on the phone Tom

May 19, 2022 8:41:49 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Tomorrow

May 20, 2022 3:24:47 PM (Read by you after 19 hours, 42 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Yes that’s snow ❄️

May 21, 2022 11:07:39 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://insig.ht/9UpEOoNqdqb

May 21, 2022 11:07:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This teacher is a bit different but I like his stories and style

May 21, 2022 11:42:09 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 36 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

May 21, 2022 12:15:48 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Car?

May 25, 2022 10:55:36 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

May 25, 2022 10:55:38 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Hi

May 25, 2022 10:55:58 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Bon Jour

May 25, 2022 10:56:22 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Left VM and email

May 25, 2022 10:56:54 AM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Forgot in VM - I have a paying project for you to work on if you want

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May 25, 2022 11:46:39 AM Me

Replied to email

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May 26, 2022 9:34:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola! Heads up sending you an email in just a few mins.

May 26, 2022 9:45:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, sent

May 26, 2022 12:00:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

poignant image

May 26, 2022 12:01:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

May 26, 2022 12:34:06 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Indeed

May 26, 2022 3:08:07 PM Me

Hola

May 26, 2022 3:08:14 PM Me

Lost track

May 26, 2022 3:08:20 PM Me

Started packing

May 26, 2022 3:08:53 PM Me

Let me grab something to drink and then I’ll be ready

May 26, 2022 3:09:43 PM +13038752587

Ok ✅

May 26, 2022 3:14:14 PM Me

K

May 26, 2022 3:14:16 PM Me

Back

May 26, 2022 3:15:10 PM Me

Ping me when you’re ready I’m here

May 26, 2022 3:15:19 PM +13038752587

May 28, 2022 8:38:11 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 25 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Walk by this often and part of it was covered/ it spoke to me today Don’t just do it Do it well

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May 28, 2022 5:50:51 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_4500.heic

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_4500.heic

Out in hills again. Feels good until it doesn’t. Mind drifting to the unknown and uncertainty. It’s uncomfortable. Not knowing if the most important person to you wants to be with you going forward. Meditating on that right now. The discomfort has too powerful a grip on my emotions 🖤

May 28, 2022 5:51:54 PM Me

And this shows up entering InsightTimer app

May 28, 2022 5:53:46 PM +13038752587

🧐

May 28, 2022 6:14:40 PM Me

Was good to do

May 28, 2022 6:15:43 PM Me

3 times a day now for me. Need it to disarm the fear and worry, and deepen my ability to stay calm continuously

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May 28, 2022 6:36:24 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 54 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

May 28, 2022 6:36:24 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 54 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

My day

May 28, 2022 9:31:18 PM Me

You cleaned up nice 👍

May 29, 2022 12:53:26 PM Me

The yoke of guilt and regret weighs heavily on my neck and conscience today

May 29, 2022 12:54:04 PM Me

Just sharing so it’s heard outside my head

May 29, 2022 1:09:08 PM +13038752587

Take off the yoke and surrender the past to the past. The blame shame guilt regret are attached to an old identity that lives in the past and it is trying to get you back. Awareness is good - now consciously say goodbye 👋

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May 29, 2022 2:20:50 PM Me

Was in the bedroom folding clothes when it happened. First time being in that space for an extended period in months. Emotions were intense

May 29, 2022 2:21:06 PM Me

Thanks 4 feedback

May 29, 2022 7:56:13 PM Me

When I passed thru the outdoor chapel today on my hike. I was struck by the site of my wedding vows. It made me pause and remember what I hold most dear to me, and how I failed to uphold my vows. It breaks my heart. I wept then as I do now writing this. Deep remorse for what happened. I’m cautious of the egos desire to feel “absolved of sin” Might you have 15mins tomorrow to talk? I’m of course nervous about Tuesday and could use a sounding board. Be well!

May 29, 2022 7:56:30 PM Me

Oh and had a good meditation today.

May 29, 2022 7:58:22 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 51 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - I’ll have time tomorrow

May 30, 2022 9:17:25 PM Me

Hello?

May 30, 2022 9:34:05 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Just got back home - getting girls to bed - can talk in 20m

May 30, 2022 10:25:31 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

You there?

May 30, 2022 10:32:10 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to bed I’m up early What time do they return? Call me when you wake up

May 30, 2022 10:36:50 PM Me

Here

May 30, 2022 10:37:30 PM Me

I can put a 10 min timer on so we don’t talk long. I have 2 things to bounce off u for feedback

May 30, 2022 10:37:43 PM Me

Just saw your text

May 31, 2022 12:52:30 PM Me

Quite confused today. But calm which I find surprising

May 31, 2022 12:52:59 PM +13038752587

Calm is a good state

May 31, 2022 12:53:08 PM Me

Feeling motivated to get my responsive work done on my site

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May 31, 2022 3:06:30 PM Me

I just saw her and said hello a moment ago. No Eye contact and not a lot of enthusiasm in the greeting. I could feel a lot of hurt and distance.

May 31, 2022 3:07:11 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Or not

May 31, 2022 3:07:17 PM Me

I’m driving to pick Declan up from school right now and really upset and crying. This hurts a lot

May 31, 2022 3:07:29 PM Me

I wasn’t expecting to be this emotional

May 31, 2022 3:07:45 PM +13038752587

Calling

May 31, 2022 3:53:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Your comment about creating stories when your mind doesn’t have anything to sink its teeth into is spot on.

May 31, 2022 3:53:44 PM Me

My mind kept trying to bring me down, make me fear.

May 31, 2022 3:54:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

back home and heading out on a hike. I discovered the family is going out to dinner tonight with Sallie, and the Thurstons (Wendy and Jerry)—good friends of ours for over 15 years

May 31, 2022 3:55:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Haven’t seen Thurstons since before the incident, almost a year. We used to go to dinner with them once a month, like a couples date.

May 31, 2022 3:56:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m sure everyone will have cocktails, but I’m going to stay dry. Drinking is what got me into this deep pile of shit that feels like I’ll never shake it

May 31, 2022 3:56:48 PM Me

Feeling lost, but not panicked

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May 31, 2022 4:21:21 PM Me

feeling LOTS of shame too. Not that it is surprising since I’ve felt ashamed of myself every day since last July 4th.

May 31, 2022 4:27:31 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Family dinner 😀 When I don’t want to drink I order a fruit juice of choice with soda water. Let go of the shame it is negative energy. PS you are not the only person to stumble - surrender the self judgement. PSS - you are a good man!

May 31, 2022 5:13:45 PM Me

I feel awful. Hiking 🥾 right now I’m texting you from the trail. My face is full of tears and my eyes are bright red.

May 31, 2022 5:14:25 PM Me

I honestly don’t know if I could ever forgive myself for this. Every time I look at her I see how much hurt is there

May 31, 2022 5:34:43 PM Me

I think deep in my psyche it’s not gonna be satisfied until it feels like I’ve suffered enough

May 31, 2022 5:56:56 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This is a lie! And a dangerous one! Tell this story to get the fuck out of here.

May 31, 2022 5:56:03 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

BS! We can get into it another day. Right now let out the emotions. Forgive yourself. Find a place to meditate and shift into a positive vibration space. Things are moving in a good direction today. Appreciate the NOW!

May 31, 2022 5:56:56 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This is a lie! And a dangerous one! Tell this story to get the fuck out of here.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 31, 2022 6:01:58 PM Me

k, got home from the hike. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. Meeting Liz, Darragh, Sallie and the Thurstons @ 6pm.

May 31, 2022 6:13:45 PM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - you have 30ms to zen out

May 31, 2022 6:13:56 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Take a relaxing shower

May 31, 2022 6:14:43 PM Me

Yep

May 31, 2022 6:14:51 PM +13038752587

Sending love and positive vibrations 😍

May 31, 2022 6:15:02 PM Me

Thanks

May 31, 2022 9:41:36 PM Me

Back. Did Arnold Palmers with dinner. Was nice to hear about the camping trip. I couldn’t stop looking at her and her beautiful eyes. It makes me so sad that shit happened! I could at least get a hug, and right now I don’t know if I’ll ever get one. I have this weird feeling I’m waiting for a show to drop.

May 31, 2022 9:43:46 PM Me

Shoe, not show. Focusing on calm, but anxiety of unknowns is chewing on my nerves. Breathe in, I’m aware of my in breath Breathe out, I’m aware of my out breath

May 31, 2022 10:23:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was able to ask her if she needed help this week up through graduation?, all good. I asked if we could go get coffee or tea sometime this week? She said maybe after graduation this Saturday as between tomorrow morning and Saturday morning its non-stop stuff on campus.

May 31, 2022 10:23:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So something to look forward to.

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May 31, 2022 10:25:45 PM Me

However, and this is the last thought I’ll leave, I don’t feel at home. I don’t know how to express it other than that. I’m inside the house I’ve lived in since 2008 and I feel like a visitor and I can’t stop crying. k, gnite. talk tomorrow

Jun 01, 2022 2:22:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Hola - Que pasa

Jun 01, 2022 2:23:51 PM Me

hey there. feel more like myself today.

Jun 01, 2022 2:23:57 PM Me

not feeling so separate

Jun 01, 2022 2:24:22 PM Me

just finished Dons biz card edits and Tree’s first draft for her cards.

Jun 01, 2022 2:24:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

about to take dog on a short walk and meditate/decompress.

Jun 01, 2022 2:25:07 PM Me

I was beyond exhausted physically, emotionallly and psychologically yesterday

Jun 01, 2022 2:25:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Still incredibly tired right now. Going to work a bit more when I come back, but after that I think I’m going to sleep

Jun 01, 2022 2:25:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, keep remembering to ask you about the website project — still happening?

Jun 01, 2022 2:28:28 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - start on it next week. Stoneagefair.com Modernize, clean simple design, Divi-ability for members to join and pay. Annual event registration

Jun 01, 2022 2:26:08 PM Me

and forgot to ask you how you are?

Jun 01, 2022 2:29:28 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 59 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Doing well - lots of things to do to get house ready to sell

Jun 01, 2022 2:28:28 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - start on it next week. Stoneagefair.com Modernize, clean simple design, Divi-ability for members to join and pay. Annual event registration
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 01, 2022 2:28:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, some ecommerce going on

Jun 01, 2022 2:29:28 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 59 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Doing well - lots of things to do to get house ready to sell
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 01, 2022 3:37:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The lack of progress on our relationship hurts a lot and makes me sad. And the longer it goes on the more hope I lose to ever get back together.

Jun 01, 2022 3:43:43 PM Me

Feeling ignored and forgotten constantly before I f*cked up, and it continues. That is what hurts me most, feeling like I’m invisible.

Jun 01, 2022 3:52:00 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

The work you have done on you is progestin your relationship. Keep it up

Jun 01, 2022 3:52:46 PM Me

Its SO hard when all you feel is inertia, or sliding backwards

Jun 01, 2022 3:53:18 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Question and be real with yourself - how much did you engage with Liz before everything hit the fan?

Jun 01, 2022 3:54:08 PM Me

not much, but that is exactly the problem in our relationship. lack of connection, communication, and caring

Jun 01, 2022 3:54:45 PM Me

feeling lost as sea and no one is looking for me

Jun 01, 2022 3:55:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Good thing your in a boat, have power and a North Star ⭐️

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Jun 01, 2022 3:55:52 PM Me

you are good

Jun 01, 2022 3:59:58 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 seconds) +13038752587

You know the problem- good You know you have an obstacle (July 4th) that needs to be resolved - good You are living in your home - good You have a coffee date in the works - good The negative outcome stories in your head - not good

Jun 01, 2022 4:00:27 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Focus on the good Let go of the negative stories

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Jun 01, 2022 4:04:13 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

My thought is come to the table with what you want for you, what you want for Liz, what you want for you and her, what you want for the family. Also what you have done to date and your plan.

Jun 01, 2022 4:09:06 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Suggestion to think about for plan Seek a marriage counselor- not her counselor (that is for her personal well-being) Start intentional dating weekly to communicate and build a new Find or create steady income (whatever feels best for you) Seek your own counselor Possibly work outside of the house even if a remote position

Jun 01, 2022 4:09:56 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Stay living in your home

Jun 01, 2022 5:01:24 PM Me

I like all of what you sent

Jun 01, 2022 5:01:46 PM Me

Was talking with Sherry. She’s been helpful to talk to

Jun 01, 2022 10:39:27 PM Me

I feel a constant need to apologize for what I’ve done. I know I’ve hurt her in a way I may never understand but I want to show I cherish her and love her dearly.

Jun 01, 2022 11:36:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was able to speak to her tonight and express my deep remorse and regret for all that has happened. I was very emotional and at times could only get words out in between breathing spaces.

Jun 01, 2022 11:37:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She said to me that she cannot “bridge the gap”

Jun 01, 2022 11:38:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

that hurt a lot.

Jun 01, 2022 11:42:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She displayed no outside emotion, but kept listening to me profess my apologies over and over.

Jun 01, 2022 11:43:11 PM Me

Darrell, I’m really scared and hurt.

Jun 01, 2022 11:43:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

when will the suffering end

Jun 01, 2022 11:44:11 PM Me

I’ve got mountains of gratitude, but the suffering isn’t stopping

Jun 01, 2022 11:45:22 PM Me

can stop crying and heaving

Jun 01, 2022 11:47:17 PM Me

times like this when the phrase “better off dead” sounds good

Jun 01, 2022 11:50:15 PM Me

I’m so fucking lost, I cannot believe this is happening

Jun 01, 2022 11:50:48 PM Me

such a fuck up loser

Jun 02, 2022 12:04:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so a negative story was validated tonight with her being unable to “bridge the gap” which means she cannot be intimate with me.

Jun 02, 2022 12:05:44 AM Me

where do I go with that?

Jun 02, 2022 12:14:49 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

my heart is so broken

Jun 02, 2022 12:15:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

our anniversary is coming up, then the 4th of July. Feel like I cant celebrate that with her and the family any more.

Jun 02, 2022 12:16:45 AM Me

I’m gutted, I don’t want to play the game of life anymore. It hurts too much

Jun 02, 2022 12:21:08 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

FYI, these texts are a release

Jun 02, 2022 1:57:08 AM Me

I broke my heart by breaking hers. I’m so sad. I’ve never felt this way before

Jun 02, 2022 8:13:47 AM Me

This hurt in me is still going hard this morning. It’s unshakable. Intense crying and sadness, followed by sniffles and hyperventilation until I catch my breath. Calm for maybe 30-60s and it starts all over again. All last night after talking until 2am, and then woke up crying at 6am

Jun 02, 2022 8:15:36 AM Me

Crying for over an hour now. Don’t want all of this to be real, I wish it would all just go away like a bad dream. I wanna wake up from this nightmare that my life is turned into

Jun 02, 2022 8:19:16 AM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

I am sorry to hear the sadness you are feeling. Do you want to jump in a call?

Jun 02, 2022 8:21:44 AM Me

Can u talk in maybe an hour? Walking The dog on campus and crying of course. But I can get home and I know Liz will be at the barn about 8-8:15 here

Jun 02, 2022 8:25:59 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - let’s plan for 8:30

Jun 02, 2022 8:24:06 AM Me

I’ve NEVER felt such heartache and pain inside. Been feeling awful for a long time, YEARS, and finally feeling like Im beginning to get my feet under me, and no

Jun 02, 2022 8:25:59 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - let’s plan for 8:30
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2022 8:29:31 AM Me

Last night had an idea to write all that I've learned about the WHY things happened the way they did for me: the reason, triggers, and underlying causes. I know the WHY and now can transcend it. It saddens me that I cannot share any joy about this, and have Liz benefit after having gone thru things with me. i’m on the verge of being the best version of myself and I don’t want to live anymore it all hurts too much

Jun 03, 2022 12:59:01 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Did you write this out?

Jun 02, 2022 8:37:22 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Did you write it all down?

Jun 02, 2022 8:37:39 AM Me

No

Jun 02, 2022 8:37:57 AM Me

It was just a thought and I didn’t wanna spend time on some thing for me to have somebody say it’s not a good idea to do it

Jun 02, 2022 8:40:28 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Do you think it’s a good idea? Then do it. FUCK what anyone thinks. PS I think it would be good to do.

Jun 02, 2022 8:38:53 AM Me

Didn't know I had this much tears, grief and sadness in me

Jun 02, 2022 8:39:00 AM +13038752587

Liz is growing and benefitting. She is going at her pace and in her way.

Jun 02, 2022 8:40:08 AM Me

Just wanting to go away, from Earth.

Jun 02, 2022 8:40:28 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Do you think it’s a good idea? Then do it. FUCK what anyone thinks. PS I think it would be good to do.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2022 8:40:51 AM Me

K

Jun 02, 2022 8:41:01 AM Me

I’ll start writing ✍️

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Jun 02, 2022 8:41:24 AM Me

Who knows at least it may benefit me to get it out of my head

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Jun 02, 2022 8:42:48 AM Me

It just sucks so much to figure something out this big about yourself and then the pain and hurt getting there feel like it’s all for nothing

Jun 02, 2022 8:46:14 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 53 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Patience. Everything you have done and will continue to do is serving you. Let go of any expectations and allow it to be BIG for you.

Jun 02, 2022 8:43:21 AM Me

We go thru this in our relationship and then poof

Jun 02, 2022 8:46:14 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 53 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Patience. Everything you have done and will continue to do is serving you. Let go of any expectations and allow it to be BIG for you.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2022 8:47:04 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Get to writing and we will talk in 45m

Jun 02, 2022 8:49:47 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Last thought - there is light on the other side of this darkness - keep moving through- you will find the way

Jun 02, 2022 9:35:24 AM Me

Give me 10

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Jun 02, 2022 9:48:29 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

I have a narrow window- you ready

Jun 02, 2022 9:54:36 AM Me

Yes

Jun 02, 2022 11:38:05 AM Me

Something I used to do long ago in good times was leave little notes for her. I feel compelled to keep writing these and hiding them around house for her to find. Too much too fast?

Jun 02, 2022 1:23:04 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Perhaps 🤔

Jun 02, 2022 1:23:38 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes) +13038752587

I’ll let it percolate

Jun 02, 2022 2:03:47 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

ok

Jun 02, 2022 2:04:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

just back from hike with dogs and darragh. Was SO much fun to spend alone time with him. First time in forever.

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Jun 02, 2022 2:04:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I LOVE my family.

Jun 02, 2022 2:05:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I havent sat and told the boys whats going on with me and Liz. I don't know if she has, and I could ask, but then that opens the door.

Jun 02, 2022 2:06:27 PM Me

Should I stay away from that conversation until checking with Liz? I dont want to do the wrong thing and I cant think straight at the moment. Let me know when you can, no rush

Jun 02, 2022 2:07:12 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Talk with Liz about that

Jun 02, 2022 2:07:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok. thank you. I’ll bring that up on Saturday

Jun 02, 2022 6:05:58 PM (Read by them after 58 minutes, 23 seconds) Me

I reached out to a counselor in Ventura about couples therapy:

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Jun 02, 2022 6:06:00 PM (Read by them after 58 minutes, 21 seconds) Me

Beachside Adult and Family Therapy, Inc

Jun 02, 2022 7:35:33 PM Me

Instagram

Jun 02, 2022 9:35:41 PM Me

Feeling lighter tonight. Something u said about carrying all the weight had a positive effect on me.

Jun 02, 2022 9:36:09 PM Me

Still feeling lots of stress tho. Only slept 4 hrs last night

Jun 02, 2022 9:52:35 PM Me

Just got hit with wave of emotions. Liz isn’t wearing her wedding ring and I’m making a bad story about what that means. It could be symbolic, I don’t know. But it triggers fear from childhood insecurities.

Jun 02, 2022 9:53:54 PM Me

Showering and then veg on documentary. Yoga Nidra for sleep.

Jun 03, 2022 10:23:08 AM Me

Hi 👋 Another hard morning of regrets, remorse and tears 😭 that seem to have no end for me. I’ve never cried this much and for so long about anything in my life

Jun 03, 2022 10:23:50 AM Me

I hope everything is going OK for you and the family trying to get everything rounded up so you can move to the next phase of your life.

Jun 03, 2022 12:03:32 PM +13038752587

Hi

Jun 03, 2022 12:08:29 PM ⇲ Me

Hi

Jun 03, 2022 12:04:24 PM +13038752587

I feel you. The tears will stop.

Jun 03, 2022 12:08:29 PM ⇱ Me

Hi
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2022 12:10:17 PM Me

Since I texted you this morning I’ve really not done nothing other than be inside my head. My mind keeps wanting to make stories to make sense of all of this and it’s hard to ignore the stories but I spend a lot of energy fighting it

Jun 03, 2022 12:10:40 PM Me

I can feel depression again inside my mind and body. I got pretty intimate with it these past few years so I know it pretty well.

Jun 03, 2022 12:12:00 PM Me

While at my parents house I was able to rise above it, but being back home in the presence of Liz and feeling her energy and experiencing her attitude towards me is triggering. It’s hard to pause and make a conscious decision about allowing that to affect me if that makes sense

Jun 03, 2022 12:12:15 PM Me

It’s sort of runs over you like a truck

Jun 03, 2022 12:14:07 PM Me

The movie title “Better off dead” Sums up my attitude and feelings now

Jun 03, 2022 12:15:23 PM Me

Just feel like a worthless loser.

Jun 03, 2022 12:17:00 PM Me

K i’ll stop with the texts now otherwise I’ll keep sending you stuff for an hour.

Jun 03, 2022 12:59:01 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Did you write this out?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2022 1:42:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to do it now. Also had another idea about a post to Instagram since that’s where I have a small group of ppl following. Going to share about my depression and trying to hide it because of shame. I didn’t get proper help in the darkest of times because I felt not worth it, and that I can keep pushing through like I always have. I turned to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain, and that made things worse to the point I hurt the ones I love the most in the whole world. And now I don’t know if I can ever earn their love and trust back. It hurts, but now there’s no numbing. Almost a year ago I began to cultivate the smallest speck of self-worth through daily meditation. I created a daily habit of self-love and I can say now that months later I still feel intense emotional pain, but I sit with it, I feel it, and do my best to stay with it. Its not easy I will not lie as I’ve never done this my entire life. I’ve always been silent about my misery as best I could until it overflowed. Wow. What was that?

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Jun 03, 2022 1:43:12 PM Me

total stream of consciousness

Jun 03, 2022 1:43:17 PM Me

I just typed

Jun 03, 2022 1:43:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And that’s the elevator speech version

Jun 03, 2022 1:46:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ve also discovered over the last year that I am what some call “neurodivergent.” Meaning I have some brain settings turned up to “11.” Anyhow I digress.

Jun 03, 2022 1:46:44 PM Me

I feel a lot better after writing just that.

Jun 03, 2022 1:46:52 PM Me

I’ll keep at it and send you a link

Jun 03, 2022 1:52:26 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

and its only been a few days of seeing and interacting after nearly 3 months of nothing. The waves of feelings come over me strong. Like you said this morning, things will level out.

Jun 03, 2022 2:16:15 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 03, 2022 5:43:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey there. About to email you a link to what I wrote. Would love your feedback. I’ve run it thru gramma rly so spelling and such should be all good. Looking for: — clarity — contrition — and caring I hopefully make sense. I always find it hard to read my own stuff and know if it makes chronological and logical sense.

Jun 03, 2022 5:51:53 PM Me

OK, email sent to you.

Jun 03, 2022 5:52:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

just making sure you see this. email sent with link for you to read — 3 pages

Jun 03, 2022 6:17:22 PM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 03, 2022 6:18:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what is all over you?

Jun 03, 2022 6:49:19 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Saw dust

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Jun 03, 2022 6:54:18 PM Me

Sent email with link

Jun 03, 2022 6:54:28 PM Me

😁

Jun 03, 2022 8:07:50 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 30 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Took down lattice and sanded frame

Jun 03, 2022 10:48:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Nice!

Jun 03, 2022 10:49:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know when you’ve had a chance to look it over. I plan on reading this to her. That way I can stay focused and possibly keep my tears at bay (for a while)

Jun 03, 2022 10:49:28 PM Me

Google Docs

Jun 04, 2022 7:51:33 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Read it - have some thoughts 💭 let’s talk this morning around 9

Jun 04, 2022 7:51:41 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Your time

Jun 04, 2022 8:59:29 AM Me

K

Jun 04, 2022 8:59:41 AM Me

Been up a bit but I’ll be ready

Jun 04, 2022 10:41:17 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Call you when I’m done with first coat

Jun 04, 2022 10:41:30 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 04, 2022 10:42:16 AM Me

Ok

Jun 04, 2022 10:42:27 AM Me

Here doing some edits and additions

Jun 04, 2022 11:50:15 AM Me

k, was edits are done. Its 6 pages.

Jun 04, 2022 11:50:24 AM Me

making more coffee 😊

Jun 04, 2022 11:50:33 AM Me

I gots more work to do today.

Jun 04, 2022 11:51:07 AM Me

stuck in mobile fixes on my site. Once that’s done I’m making it live and then letting you and others know to visit and try to break it 😊

Jun 04, 2022 11:53:31 AM +13038752587

Calling now

Jun 04, 2022 4:30:13 PM Me

So turns out that “after graduation” didn’t mean EXACTLY after graduation which is fine as I’m patient. Perhaps give her the letter tonight anyway? When we do talk that letter will have been read, and we can talk the whole time. Let me know what you think.

Jun 04, 2022 4:58:40 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

russ sent this, couldn’t resist

Jun 04, 2022 6:42:57 PM Me

Let me know what you think about handing her the letter. She’s headed out to dinner with her friend tonight. I could leave it on her pillow, or hand it to her, or wait until we sit down. Thing is I’ve waited this long to deliver something this deep and comprehensive and impatience to deliver is calling.

Jun 04, 2022 9:16:25 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Suggestion- ask for a committed time for coffee/communication. If she does not want to set a definite time, then hand her the letter with a simple statement like “I want you to know” or similar

Jun 04, 2022 6:47:23 PM Me

Also, I don’t know how to describe it, but at times she’s like different people. Sometimes, like today I got to see her smiling and laughing. It was so wonderful to see. Then sometimes if I ask a question etc I feel negative energy and I can sense low level “mad mind” as you called it. I don’t know how to read that switching cause I’m too close. I so want to repair this.

Jun 04, 2022 8:54:52 PM ⇲ +13038752587

She’s human 😀. One moment she is in the now (joy) and another in the past or future (stories). Does that make sense.

Jun 04, 2022 9:16:21 PM ⇲ Me

Yes completely, duh

Jun 04, 2022 6:55:18 PM Me

Last thing, I have these periods of time where I feel very calm and don’t feel the frequency or vibration in my body and it’s amazing. Then I have some random thought and trigger here and anxiety and uncertainty thoughts that my whole life is going to blow up on me, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Feeling that a lot and it terrifies me stops me in my tracks and sometimes crying hard and dry heaving. I won’t lie I’m really scared. Actually the most scared I’ve ever been in my entire life eclipsing anything from my childhood it’s almost incomprehensible, and unbearable when my mind is in that scared space. Fear of abandonment.

Jun 04, 2022 9:05:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I would question your label of the fear. That may be one component but you know this fear and so it’s power is not as strong? It’s probably a combination of fears… Fear of loss of identity Fear of loss of a future you thought was a given Fear of failure Fear of judgement I list these not to impart them as your fears or ones you should consider. I list them to point out each one has a story that causes a feeling. All of which is happening in the matrix and is not real. Remember the best course of action is self care.

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Jun 04, 2022 6:59:58 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll reply when I get back from dinner There is no other shoe 👞 There is a story at play though - what is it? How is it serving an old identity?

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Jun 04, 2022 7:34:08 PM Me

Universe just delivered this to me:

Jun 04, 2022 7:34:10 PM Me

Twitter

Jun 04, 2022 8:51:35 PM +13038752587

What does this mean to you?

Jun 04, 2022 8:54:52 PM ⇱ +13038752587

She’s human 😀. One moment she is in the now (joy) and another in the past or future (stories). Does that make sense.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 04, 2022 9:05:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I would question your label of the fear. That may be one component but you know this fear and so it’s power is not as strong? It’s probably a combination of fears… Fear of loss of identity Fear of loss of a future you thought was a given Fear of failure Fear of judgement I list these not to impart them as your fears or ones you should consider. I list them to point out each one has a story that causes a feeling. All of which is happening in the matrix and is not real. Remember the best course of action is self care.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 04, 2022 9:16:21 PM ⇱ Me

Yes completely, duh
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 04, 2022 9:16:25 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Suggestion- ask for a committed time for coffee/communication. If she does not want to set a definite time, then hand her the letter with a simple statement like “I want you to know” or similar
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 04, 2022 9:17:55 PM Me

That’s a good idea. Not going to ask tonight, but will in the morning

Jun 04, 2022 9:22:52 PM Me

Was a big and busy day for her with graduation and 3 hours on the bike

Jun 04, 2022 9:28:18 PM Me

Come on over and play some darts and bring some beer😁

Jun 04, 2022 9:28:18 PM Me

I’m practicing right now

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Jun 04, 2022 9:38:52 PM Me

Jun 05, 2022 1:37:02 PM Me

Had an incredible meditation this morning. I was staring at the root of a story that has gripped me my whole life; you aren’t good enough, you don’t measure up. I wasn’t feeling my body, I was beyond physical form and everything made sense. No effort, no stress, pure being.

Jun 05, 2022 1:38:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

To not feel your physical form, and have awareness of it, and continue to not feel it was unlink anything I’ve experienced — conscious out of body feeling

Jun 05, 2022 1:38:41 PM Me

🧘 🤯

Jun 05, 2022 3:12:30 PM Me

Think u might like these guys. Aidan my oldest turned me onto these guys they get it interesting sound.

Jun 05, 2022 3:12:33 PM Me

Spotify

Jun 05, 2022 3:12:53 PM Me

King gizzard & the lizard Wizard, they have a fantastic name

Jun 05, 2022 3:13:19 PM +13038752587

Cool - I’ll listen

Jun 05, 2022 3:13:34 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Your meditation sounds awesome

Jun 05, 2022 3:14:05 PM ⇲ Me

I can share the track I was listening to that helped make it happen

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Jun 05, 2022 3:13:49 PM +13038752587

Ready to start working on sites tomorrow

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Jun 05, 2022 3:14:05 PM ⇱ Me

I can share the track I was listening to that helped make it happen

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 05, 2022 3:14:25 PM Me

Yes. I’m ready to live again

Jun 05, 2022 3:14:36 PM +13038752587

😀

Jun 05, 2022 3:15:33 PM Me

I unhooked a tractor trailer this morning. Good Fucking Bye 🖕

Jun 05, 2022 3:15:40 PM Me

😁

Jun 05, 2022 3:16:08 PM Me

It does feel really nice to have a momentary respite if this lasts only a few more hours it’s been fantastic

Jun 05, 2022 3:16:20 PM Me

🤣

Jun 05, 2022 3:18:27 PM Me

In all seriousness I know life ebbs and flows

Jun 05, 2022 3:19:18 PM Me

I feel grounded in a very different place today

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Jun 05, 2022 3:21:59 PM Me

Past week has been like a roller coaster for my emotions and my psyche

Jun 05, 2022 8:19:56 PM Me

Jun 05, 2022 8:21:11 PM +13038752587

I like it! A lot!

Jun 05, 2022 9:02:15 PM Me

She has the letter

Jun 05, 2022 9:02:22 PM Me

More soon

Jun 05, 2022 9:02:33 PM Me

Off to meditation

Jun 05, 2022 9:02:39 PM +13038752587

😀

Jun 05, 2022 9:02:45 PM +13038752587

Off to bed

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Jun 05, 2022 9:03:12 PM Me

Send me some pictures I’d love to see the progress

Jun 05, 2022 9:03:24 PM Me

When you have a spare moment of course :-)

Jun 05, 2022 9:03:34 PM +13038752587

Will do

Jun 05, 2022 9:04:16 PM Me

And just know how grateful I am to have you as my cousin and as sounding board and an ear for all my travails

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Jun 05, 2022 10:26:46 PM Me

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Jun 05, 2022 10:26:47 PM Me

https://insig.ht/fLOIu6U6Cqb

Jun 06, 2022 10:40:03 AM +13038752587

Let’s talk work at 10:30 your time

Jun 06, 2022 10:41:44 AM Me

Ok

Jun 06, 2022 11:34:16 AM Me

This was the meditation

Jun 06, 2022 11:34:18 AM Me

https://insig.ht/B33ZFac1Dqb

Jun 06, 2022 12:07:25 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 07, 2022 10:47:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what is your purple cow google account?

Jun 07, 2022 10:48:27 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Darrell@purplemountainmarketing.com

Jun 07, 2022 10:58:40 AM Me

put that in but doesn’t seem to “see” you. no worries.

Jun 07, 2022 10:59:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

was going to ask about using a staging site to setup the blog. Working on that now and need to make the blog ‘live” to edit/design it.

Jun 07, 2022 10:59:13 AM Me

Let me know what you think.

Jun 07, 2022 10:59:23 AM +13038752587

In garage now - be online in an hour

Jun 07, 2022 10:59:43 AM Me

K, have to go pickup declan from school and run and errand. I’ll be back online ~11 am

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Jun 07, 2022 5:20:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://berchman.slack.com/join/shared_invite/zt-1ab9fupsm-XGiKegkgHFTSWY1mTAzxrw

Jun 07, 2022 5:20:09 PM Me

That's an invite to my slack channel

Jun 07, 2022 5:24:35 PM +13038752587

Cool - as for LAS project - not sure when I’ll get into siteground as they have a authentication code - so we will be in holding pattern for a few days

Jun 07, 2022 5:24:50 PM Me

k

Jun 07, 2022 5:24:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

doing some bora website things

Jun 07, 2022 5:25:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

as soon as you’re on slack I wont text you work stuff here, just life stuff 😊

Jun 07, 2022 5:25:22 PM +13038752587

Settting up new staging for BBB now

Jun 07, 2022 5:25:28 PM +13038752587

Cool

Jun 07, 2022 5:25:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

we have a channel for each project

Jun 07, 2022 5:25:53 PM Me

keeps conversations about different projects separate

Jun 07, 2022 5:26:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I used it for over a year with A+L, it’s a good tool for online working

Jun 07, 2022 5:26:18 PM +13038752587

Email me slack link code please

Jun 07, 2022 5:26:25 PM Me

sure

Jun 07, 2022 5:30:03 PM Me

k, email sent

Jun 07, 2022 5:31:10 PM Me

let me know when you have staging ready. ‘

Jun 07, 2022 5:31:34 PM Me

will setup the blog and other pages, then when you’re happy you can push it to production (live)

Jun 07, 2022 5:31:55 PM +13038752587

Set up and emailed to you

Jun 07, 2022 5:32:02 PM Me

k

Jun 07, 2022 5:35:39 PM +13038752587

Where did you email slack link

Jun 07, 2022 5:35:49 PM Me

purple mountain

Jun 08, 2022 1:28:32 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Jun 08, 2022 1:28:45 PM Me

hey

Jun 08, 2022 1:29:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

nuts day here. parents arrive, are 4 hours late into LA and may miss pickup of their rental car in Oxnard because of it. And you know of good my father deals with inconvenience and sudden change of plans.

Jun 08, 2022 1:29:58 PM Me

my anxiety is high and sun

Jun 08, 2022 1:30:01 PM Me

sun

Jun 08, 2022 1:30:04 PM Me

sux

Jun 08, 2022 1:31:15 PM Me

Still no reply from Liz on the letter. We were supposed to talk before my parents rolled in, but that didn’t happen. She’s staying at Joanna’s house the entire time my parents are here. I’m so excited 😟

Jun 08, 2022 1:31:54 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Are you picking them up in LA

Jun 08, 2022 1:32:57 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s talk for a few moments

Jun 08, 2022 1:33:18 PM Me

cant right now

Jun 08, 2022 1:33:25 PM Me

have to go get declan from school

Jun 08, 2022 1:33:45 PM Me

feeling big time “better off dead” vibes

Jun 08, 2022 1:33:46 PM +13038752587

Talk on the way

Jun 08, 2022 1:34:05 PM +13038752587

Put your headset in and call me

Jun 09, 2022 12:36:42 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

What’s your work bandwidth while parents visit?

Jun 09, 2022 12:37:08 PM +13038752587

Graduation is next Friday or this Friday

Jun 09, 2022 12:37:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can work for sure. Right now until graduation tomorrow is hard

Jun 09, 2022 12:37:33 PM Me

weekend and next week can work

Jun 09, 2022 12:37:38 PM Me

working on bora right now

Jun 09, 2022 12:37:54 PM Me

custom blog landing and custom post template. Just testing them now

Jun 09, 2022 12:38:29 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - we should chat about specials flow before you work on that anymore

Jun 09, 2022 12:38:44 PM Me

content issue?

Jun 09, 2022 12:38:56 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Layout and flow

Jun 09, 2022 12:41:15 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

There will be a special slider for each special which links to a page for that special. Plan is to have 3-4 specials at any given time

Jun 09, 2022 12:45:02 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Do we want a “specials” page listing all special in excerpt? I thought you mentioned this might be unnecessary due to limited number of specials

Jun 09, 2022 12:45:32 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Forgot - I’ll move this over to slack

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Jun 09, 2022 9:43:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Today was a hard day emotionally and psychologically. Lots of stress with my parents here. They are asking questions about me and Liz and its triggering. I just got back from a walk with the dogs trying to calm down. Meanwhile, the end-of-year faculty party is happening at this moment and I’ve never felt more like an outsider here and I’ve lived 20 years of my life. I’m totally confused by that feeling.

Jun 10, 2022 12:11:45 AM Me

And later I realize that was quite a story I made up 🙂

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Jun 10, 2022 10:22:04 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Ask your parents not to ask any questions about you and Liz. You are figuring things out and will let them know when you do.

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Jun 10, 2022 1:14:01 PM Me

https://insig.ht/eAT8RYWLKqb

Jun 10, 2022 1:14:11 PM Me

Good one

Jun 10, 2022 1:18:26 PM Me

Sarah is my favorite teacher. She has helped me immensely over past 3 years. Her meditations kept me going in my deepest and darkest times of the soul. She’s actually part of why I’m still here, why I didn’t check out of Earth. Would love to meet her to say thank you. I may write to her and let her know what her words have helped me do. Anyhow I digress… Declan 👨‍🎓 graduation this evening and then a party at Joanna’s house ( she bought a house in Ojai this past year )

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Jun 20, 2022 8:51:38 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I was sharing how powerful you found Sarah with a friend who lives with depression and it moved me to tears. Keep on keeping on! ❤️

Jun 20, 2022 11:19:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

wow.

Jun 11, 2022 11:03:45 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Todays work already 93

Jun 11, 2022 11:03:54 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 11, 2022 11:04:01 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

May wait for this afternoon

Jun 11, 2022 11:04:18 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

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New lattice

Jun 11, 2022 12:00:21 PM Me

Busy busy

Jun 12, 2022 4:31:37 PM +13038752587

Front yard

Jun 12, 2022 4:32:14 PM Me

Looks great! Hi Sarah!!

Jun 12, 2022 4:32:40 PM Me

Btw do U have info for other project?

Jun 12, 2022 4:32:58 PM Me

Have all trees stuff done as far as I can take it.

Jun 12, 2022 5:04:56 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 12, 2022 5:06:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 12, 2022 5:06:18 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Unable to locate attachment: 67676797153__3921FD56-1860-4194-8EA0-B6E05F40C8BD.heic

Jun 12, 2022 5:08:09 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 23 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll reach out in work stuff tomorrow

Jun 12, 2022 5:10:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

I sent login for stoneage

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Jun 12, 2022 5:10:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want to use a theme or from scratch

Jun 12, 2022 6:32:21 PM Me

Do you have an elegant themes login? I know they have pre made divi themes I could base it off of, will save a lot of time

Jun 13, 2022 10:49:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ping 😊 I posted to Slack

Jun 14, 2022 9:17:29 PM Me

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indeed

Jun 14, 2022 11:26:08 PM Me

Made more progress today

Jun 15, 2022 11:53:07 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

I can send you 500 today- are you still banking at Wells Fargo? I can deposit it into your account. Probably the fastest way

Jun 15, 2022 12:19:55 PM ⇲ Me

Yep, still @ wellsfargo

Jun 15, 2022 12:20:06 PM ⇲ Me

And I have a venmo acct too

Jun 15, 2022 12:19:55 PM ⇱ Me

Yep, still @ wellsfargo
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2022 12:20:06 PM ⇱ Me

And I have a venmo acct too
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2022 12:32:57 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Send me you account number and name in account - that way money will be in you account. Venmo takes 1-3 days to put it in your bank right?

Jun 16, 2022 10:45:54 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Slack post for BoraBora LAS home page sent for feedback Wells Fargo account info please Call me before starting on Bora Bora

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Jun 16, 2022 1:08:18 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Worth listening too - his Mom would be proud of you

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Jun 16, 2022 1:59:42 PM Me

What’s worth listening to? No link to anything

Jun 16, 2022 2:00:42 PM (Read by you after 7 hours, 21 minutes) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/hit-with-a-challenge-do-this

Jun 19, 2022 9:57:35 AM +13038752587

Happy Father’s Day!

Jun 19, 2022 10:58:05 AM Me

Same to u 😁

Jun 19, 2022 7:23:03 PM Me

Today is our anniversary too. Here’s the car they painted for Liz, and the quotation I found that I put inside

Jun 19, 2022 7:23:12 PM Me

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Jun 19, 2022 7:24:44 PM Me

Got her 2 pendants. One is local artist who is a friend. The other is a big piece of turquoise

Jun 19, 2022 8:42:58 PM Me

Observation. Took parents and DARRAGH to train station, the are NY bound. It’s both Fathers Day and 23rd wedding anniversary today I’ve spent the day doing for others and largely alone. It’s been contemplative. Thinking about invisibility and what is driving NOT wanting to feel that, or what is feeling that in the first place. In the past the thought would consume me and that is who I would become. Now it’s just fucking annoying. 🙂

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Jun 19, 2022 8:45:52 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Anniversary! Here’s to 23 more.

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Jun 19, 2022 9:20:19 PM Me

Patient and hopeful

Jun 20, 2022 6:22:45 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 29 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Put new battery in car and oil change $380

Jun 20, 2022 6:23:17 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 28 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

It will need two tires $350-400

Jun 20, 2022 6:24:01 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 27 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Will need suspension work in near future

Jun 20, 2022 6:24:21 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 27 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Waiting on word in mechanically making it to Cali

Jun 20, 2022 6:26:52 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 25 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Still interested?

Jun 20, 2022 8:51:38 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I was sharing how powerful you found Sarah with a friend who lives with depression and it moved me to tears. Keep on keeping on! ❤️
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 20, 2022 9:09:06 PM +13038752587

I met a Darragh from Ireland tonight

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Jun 20, 2022 11:19:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

wow.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 20, 2022 11:28:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

tonight Liz came back home after my parents departure yesterday. Her mom has been in the hospital for 4 days and is having a difficult time getting her health in order so they can release her. Issues with her kidneys, BP, calcium, and oxygen levels, and of course medications. Needless to say its an enormous weight on Elizabeth — I can both see it and feel it energy-wise. Yet, I feel so helpless and want nothing more that TO help. Anyhow its been triggering for me tonight. Many emotions came right to the surface—more sadness and suffering because I fucked everything up story. I was feeling ok the past 3-4 days and not so much anymore. There is a part of me that believes I will never be over this. The amount of suffering, pain and internal anguish I’ve been through this past year has been enough for 2 lifetimes IMO. I keep chasing NOT to be manipulated, but here I sit in my tears, ok… good night

Jun 21, 2022 9:01:13 AM Me

One can dream… 😄

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Jun 21, 2022 9:01:14 AM Me

Twitter

Jun 21, 2022 9:03:55 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Did you see messages about car 8

Jun 21, 2022 10:59:30 AM Me

I did see. I’m stuck between wanting the car and not having any money to make it happen right now. And I don’t know when I’ll have money. Working towards that every day Stuck between a rock and a hard place? 😜

Jun 21, 2022 11:04:32 AM +13038752587

Understand- let’s see what the mechanics say about overall engine

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Jun 21, 2022 11:05:57 AM Me

Also mind is making up stories about last night. I gave Elizabeth a card and small wrapped gifts for our anniversary last night when she returned. It all sits unopened in the dresser drawer this morning. I know it’s nothing as she has much bigger things on her mind, but the brain 🧠 wants to make meaning out of it, and old habits want me to suffer more. She avoids eye contact, speaks to me in the minimal amount of words, or actually just replies. She doesn’t talk to me unless I speak to her. I’m getting much better at avoiding any meaning, but when it’s this close to your heart it’s incredibly challenging not to get sucked in

Jun 21, 2022 11:13:18 AM +13038752587

I bet. Stay away from the stories - especially the negative ones! As for Sally, ask Liz if there is anything you can do to help. If this feels right for you. With all this going on for Liz, be patient and don’t read into anything. Which it’s sounds like you know and are doing

Jun 21, 2022 11:14:46 AM +13038752587

I’ll be away from phone for a bit

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Jun 21, 2022 11:21:21 AM Me

https://insig.ht/z6eFsYLT2qb

Jun 21, 2022 11:21:21 AM Me

This showed up after telling the app how I was feeling today. Spoke directly to me in this moment

Jun 21, 2022 9:24:49 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 52 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

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Enjoying an Anniversary dinner Meme brought us yesterday (our actual anniversary) and a fire 🔥 for the solstice.

Jun 21, 2022 9:25:21 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 52 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Taking a break from prepping the house for sale. First informal showing tomorrow

Jun 24, 2022 9:20:26 AM Me

In case u haven’t heard Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade this morning 🤬😡

Jun 24, 2022 9:25:35 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I did - amazingly shocking

Jun 24, 2022 3:57:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Jun 25, 2022 9:45:40 PM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pod-save-america/id1192761536?i=1000567663006

Jun 25, 2022 9:45:40 PM Me

These women break down the legalease

Jun 27, 2022 9:45:33 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 7 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

I like this…

Jun 27, 2022 9:45:36 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 7 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

If you wind up in a place where you think you've been buried and forgotten, you are mistaken. You’ve been PLANTED, and you’ll grow into the BEST PARTS of your life soon enough. 🌳 Keep watering your growth!

Jun 27, 2022 1:24:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Getting back in the swing if things

Jun 27, 2022 1:25:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

This week. Give me a day to catch up and we can touch base tomorrow Things are looking good on both projects

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Jun 27, 2022 4:54:31 PM (Read by them after 15 seconds) Me

Found my nowhere man drawing from 30 years ago. This is it

Jun 27, 2022 5:23:13 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

Jun 27, 2022 5:23:28 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Your memory of it was spot on

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Jun 28, 2022 10:49:49 PM Me

This tune by Gnod packs great rage that’s cathartic for the moment. Besides the album title is fucking ART of the highest order. If I get it on a t-shirt. Want one?

Jun 29, 2022 1:11:49 AM Me

This is precisely what I do everyday in meditation. Create distance and find peace and relief.

Jun 29, 2022 9:24:06 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Liked “This is precisely what I do everyday in meditation. Create distance and find peace and relief.”

Jun 29, 2022 12:35:54 PM Me

Jun 29, 2022 6:32:36 PM Me

how you doing over there?

Jun 29, 2022 6:32:45 PM Me

have a tough part of the day today

Jun 30, 2022 12:42:08 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Let's get in a call

Jun 30, 2022 6:13:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

apologies for not connecting. Sallie, Liz’s mom, has been in the hospital for about 10 days now. Liz is feeling a lot right now and all I can do is watch. I would love to be more, but right now I believe “quiet and kind” is the best approach Anyhow. I’ve setup a meeting for us. Email is sent. Here is link just in case. Stone Age Fair Info in Email and Other Shit Friday, July 1 · 9:00 – 10:05am Google Meet joining info Video call link:

Jun 30, 2022 6:13:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://meet.google.com/

Jun 30, 2022 6:14:04 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

we can move it if you have a conflict. I’ll keep you posted on Sallie

Jun 30, 2022 7:50:59 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 4 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I was concerned about Sallie since you old me a while back. Hope she will be ok.

Jun 30, 2022 10:02:29 PM Me

Word tonight from Liz is she was feeling better today. Declan and I saw her on Tuesday and she was MUCH better than anticipated. Mentally sharp and quick to jump topics, just dealing with a Collection of symptoms that continue to stump the doctors. She’s had so many tests I don’t even know how many. A bone marrow sample stomach scoping she’s had dialysis on her kidneys for a while she’s dealing with erratic blood pressure high calcium it’s just this weird complex thing. Anyhow I digress I’ve spoken to very few people today and I’m rambling into text to speech. I just finished cooking dinner so I’m gonna go fill my face. You didn’t say anything about 9 AM Pacific tomorrow, so I assume that that is going to work for you. If you have a conflict let me know, otherwise no news is good news for me and we’ll talk tomorrow morning

Jul 01, 2022 10:13:13 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Jumping in now - lost track of time

Jul 01, 2022 10:21:16 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Can’t access Meet

Jul 01, 2022 10:26:40 AM Me

Hey, my alarm never went off.

Jul 01, 2022 10:27:33 AM +13038752587

Haha- I got caught up with paperwork for selling the house

Jul 01, 2022 10:28:23 AM Me

Give me 20 mins

Jul 01, 2022 10:28:28 AM Me

Need coffee

Jul 01, 2022 10:28:34 AM +13038752587

Ok

Jul 01, 2022 10:28:58 AM +13038752587

Send invite to thrivebots@gmail.com

Jul 01, 2022 10:29:08 AM +13038752587

For Google Meet

Jul 01, 2022 10:29:11 AM Me

K

Jul 01, 2022 11:08:16 AM Me

https://meet.google.com/

Jul 01, 2022 11:08:36 AM Me

i'm in meeting

Jul 01, 2022 11:10:25 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

I’m here

Jul 01, 2022 11:10:29 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Or there

Jul 01, 2022 11:15:06 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

You did nit let me in and it timed out

Jul 01, 2022 12:37:44 PM Me

https://account.venmo.com/u/Bert-Mahoney

Jul 01, 2022 12:37:45 PM Me

Jul 01, 2022 8:18:40 PM Me

made a bit of progress

Jul 01, 2022 8:18:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

http://newsite.stoneagefair.com/about-the-society/

Jul 04, 2022 3:57:15 PM Me

Hey there, I just left the hospital visiting Sallie and she is doing much much better. I ran into Liz as I was leaving and this being the one year to the day of the happening and seeing her... Massively triggering

Jul 04, 2022 3:58:19 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I can imagine

Jul 04, 2022 4:09:45 PM Me

Feeling personna non grata

Jul 04, 2022 4:11:21 PM Me

Anyhow, enough about me what are you up to today?

Jul 04, 2022 4:12:55 PM +13038752587

Parade in steamboat now packing up to go home tomorrow

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Jul 04, 2022 4:13:22 PM +13038752587

Jul 04, 2022 4:27:32 PM Me

Just pulled into driveway after visiting Sallie for a few hours today. Whole drive home been triggered about what feels like a year of my life gone by and nothings changed in my relationship with Liz. I still feel the mad mind around her every time I see her. Feels like this is never getting better ❤️‍🩹 it breaks my fucking heart to contemplate that. I love her so much, always have. My life still feels so it’s uncertain 🤨 to me. 365 days of not knowing what’s happening and sleeping on the couch. Sometimes it feels like I’m becoming numb to feeling anymore, because when I do it seems to hurt. When I think about someone touching me, hug, hand on the back, I feel recoil. It just feels fucked up.

Jul 04, 2022 4:27:54 PM Me

K done venting. On with the day 😁👍

Jul 04, 2022 4:29:59 PM Me

I need to sit with the part of me that recoils and find out what’s behind that. I suspect it’s not feeling worthy of love or affection as it’s what my weak ego has been denied for so long

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Jul 04, 2022 4:31:10 PM Me

Also, Side note on the universe. I wish that clarity would sometimes come before catastrophe rather than always arriving afterwards 😁

Jul 04, 2022 4:46:31 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Me too

Jul 04, 2022 4:48:14 PM Me

Longing for affection is a real nuisance

Jul 04, 2022 6:35:57 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

found this and feel it

Jul 05, 2022 11:58:02 AM Me

Pain and suffering loom large today. Already 40mins of meditation to be with it. Realizing I haven’t felt true happiness and contentment in years, and that triggers a lot of sadness

Jul 05, 2022 12:02:41 PM Me

Days like this are challenging as my ability to focus is affected. I use pomodoro technique of 25mins work, 5 min break. We’ll see how it goes.

Jul 05, 2022 12:03:01 PM Me

Be sure to checkout Stone Age today if possible

Jul 05, 2022 1:50:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

you on the road today?

Jul 05, 2022 1:51:36 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 2 hours, 47 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - stopped for lunch

Jul 05, 2022 2:43:49 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 1 hour, 54 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Hum they said it was out of oak creek

Jul 06, 2022 11:54:14 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 44 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

I did not make it to Wells Fargo on Saturday. Lost the paper with your account number. Please text it here and I will go directly to bank today

Jul 06, 2022 9:29:41 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 36 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Just heard about your dad’s shoulder - bummer

Jul 07, 2022 11:03:21 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

You have money 💰

Jul 07, 2022 11:06:18 AM Me

Cool thanks!

Jul 07, 2022 11:31:41 AM Me

Twitter

Jul 07, 2022 11:34:57 AM Me

Spot On!

Jul 07, 2022 11:35:06 AM Me

Twitter

Jul 07, 2022 12:26:23 PM (Read by you after 54 seconds) +13038752587

Valid points

Jul 07, 2022 9:31:03 PM Me

I know this is bad, please forgive me 😀 ￼

Jul 08, 2022 3:18:51 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Did you receive the money

Jul 08, 2022 3:21:21 PM Me

I did, thanks!

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Jul 08, 2022 9:18:08 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Jul 08, 2022 9:18:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

happy friday!

Jul 08, 2022 9:21:15 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

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Jul 08, 2022 9:21:38 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Just put in an outlet so lights are controlled my switch from inside

Jul 08, 2022 10:55:22 PM Me

Making everything so nice and then you’re going to walk away from it. It’s kind of sad in a way

Jul 08, 2022 11:00:18 PM Me

Do you have any time tomorrow for maybe 15 minutes on FaceTime

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Jul 08, 2022 11:01:26 PM Me

Let me know I’m around. I’ve just had very little adult interaction. Some checking in with Declan, trying to get them to play me and darts, or watch a series with me on Netflix. It’s really hard to engage with teenagers. Once they get old enough to find their interests to go down the rabbit hole I’m sure you remember it well

Jul 08, 2022 11:01:51 PM Me

My text to speech is tweaking some words

Jul 15, 2022 10:23:00 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 54 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Jul 15, 2022 10:23:12 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 54 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

What’s happening

Jul 16, 2022 4:16:28 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

You there?

Jul 16, 2022 6:52:16 PM Me

Yeah. Here. Been busy. Really tired and if I’m honest, sad

Jul 16, 2022 7:57:32 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry to hear your feeling sad.

Jul 16, 2022 7:57:43 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

How’s Sally?

Jul 16, 2022 7:58:04 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

much better. will be heading home on Monday

Jul 16, 2022 7:58:14 PM +13038752587

How’s your Dad doing?

Jul 16, 2022 7:58:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

better, but still wearing a sling

Jul 16, 2022 7:59:09 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

heading out to run errands.

Jul 16, 2022 7:59:24 PM Me

I can text later.

Jul 16, 2022 7:59:30 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

if you have time you can visit:

Jul 16, 2022 7:59:33 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 35 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney

Jul 16, 2022 7:59:47 PM (Read by them after 35 seconds) Me

Its ready for now, check it out

Jul 16, 2022 8:00:03 PM (Read by them after 20 seconds) Me

there is a feedback tab bottom right. Allows you to report any bugs you see

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Jul 18, 2022 3:52:17 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Hi there, just sent you an email inviting you to the admin dashboard for the Ybug tool I’m using on the site. If it doesn’t conflict with Divi I think you might find it helpful working with clients. Let me know how you’re doing when you can. Oh, and let me know what’s up with BoraBora and Loveland sites 😊

Jul 19, 2022 11:57:01 AM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Project to bid finishing Dev.cheeseimporters.com Resolve responsive design Get woocommerce dialed in - some design elements - shipping functionality Take a peak What time can you chat today

Jul 19, 2022 12:55:52 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

Is Don working this week

Jul 19, 2022 1:21:59 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Whoops - last message was for Tree

Jul 19, 2022 1:25:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I figured

Jul 19, 2022 1:25:44 PM Me

just got online

Jul 20, 2022 10:28:37 AM +13038752587

What brand is your little flashlight the girls liked

Jul 20, 2022 11:07:12 AM (Read by you after 1 day, 13 hours, 18 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

What brand is your little flashlight the girls liked

Jul 22, 2022 12:14:41 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ll get that to you, remind me again if I fall asleep.

Jul 22, 2022 12:14:54 AM Me

saw this thought you might be interested:

Jul 22, 2022 12:14:55 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 22, 2022 12:15:19 AM Me

dont know if you have a way to send that to Bobby but I’m sure he would like it.

Jul 22, 2022 8:42:48 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

I think I have a number for him

Jul 22, 2022 9:30:21 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

This is a simple statement/question that defines the journey you have been on.

Jul 22, 2022 9:30:23 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/one-question-to-solve-all-your-problems

Jul 22, 2022 9:30:43 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Well done and keep going

Jul 22, 2022 9:56:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

getting my computer moved. they’re cutting into cement outside my office—VERY loud.

Jul 22, 2022 9:57:56 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Ok what’s your ETA?

Jul 22, 2022 9:58:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just need 5 mins

Jul 22, 2022 9:58:17 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Jul 22, 2022 10:07:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey here

Jul 22, 2022 10:07:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ready

Jul 22, 2022 10:07:40 AM +13038752587

Be there in 5

Jul 22, 2022 10:07:46 AM +13038752587

My computer was off

Jul 22, 2022 10:07:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

let me create a google meet

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Jul 27, 2022 12:43:58 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Check email

Jul 27, 2022 12:45:47 PM Me

ok

Jul 27, 2022 12:46:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have started applying to more and more opportunities now that I have the baseline of my personal site online.

Jul 27, 2022 12:46:31 PM Me

applying to Spotify right now

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Jul 27, 2022 12:49:21 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Who else was proofing your website? Good edits 😀

Jul 27, 2022 12:49:40 PM Me

My friend and former colleague Kurt Meyer

Jul 27, 2022 12:49:52 PM Me

aka “The Smithy” as in wordsmith

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Jul 27, 2022 12:50:17 PM Me

Retired math teacher from Thacher. Lives in Santa Barbara now

Jul 27, 2022 12:50:40 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

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Jul 27, 2022 12:50:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I emailed him about something else and sent him the link to have a look

Jul 27, 2022 12:50:54 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

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Jul 27, 2022 12:52:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

OMG! didn’t realize until I clicked on it

Jul 27, 2022 12:53:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

How long since you’ve seen her in person?

Jul 27, 2022 12:53:38 PM ⇲ Me

say hello if you see her

Look who we got to visit with

Jul 27, 2022 12:51:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m working on mobile case studies today.

Jul 27, 2022 12:51:41 PM Me

making mobile more succinct, less text, a few images. And post a note saying desktop is the real deal.

Jul 27, 2022 12:53:38 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Maybe the note is mobile website has been optimized for a mobile audience and to get more details check out the desktop version

Jul 27, 2022 12:52:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

OMG! didn’t realize until I clicked on it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 27, 2022 12:53:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

How long since you’ve seen her in person?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 27, 2022 12:53:38 PM ⇱ Me

say hello if you see her
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 27, 2022 12:53:38 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Maybe the note is mobile website has been optimized for a mobile audience and to get more details check out the desktop version
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 27, 2022 12:54:08 PM Me

yep

Jul 27, 2022 12:54:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

reminds me of the 2 versions of websites back in the day. One for Netscape, one for IE

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Jul 27, 2022 12:55:11 PM Me

with a BIG NOTE at the top. This site is best experienced in <browser_name>. You can download it here. :-)

Jul 27, 2022 12:56:01 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Check out that email quickly Make any suggestions I will send it today

Jul 27, 2022 12:56:08 PM Me

ok

Jul 27, 2022 12:56:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just wrapping up an application

Jul 27, 2022 12:56:22 PM Me

sending out about 6 a day

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Jul 27, 2022 1:33:05 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

The email looks good to me, is there anything in particular you wanted me to weigh in on?

Jul 27, 2022 1:34:50 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

That’s perfect - just your quick overview

Jul 27, 2022 1:37:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool

Jul 27, 2022 1:37:19 PM Me

have you checked out all the other work I posted last Friday?

Jul 27, 2022 1:37:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know you’ve been on the move, so no worries if not

Jul 27, 2022 1:41:07 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Not LAS

Jul 27, 2022 1:41:13 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Check slack

Jul 28, 2022 12:13:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Jul 28, 2022 12:13:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how are you today?

Jul 28, 2022 12:32:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI—got an interview tomorrow morning with a software dev company very similar to Art+Logic.

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Jul 28, 2022 12:32:43 PM Me

https://www.meetveracity.com/

Jul 28, 2022 12:33:06 PM Me

they’re based in Virginia, but this is a remote role for them

Jul 28, 2022 7:14:13 PM Me

Uco

Aug 01, 2022 1:19:35 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Hey r u online today?

Aug 01, 2022 1:19:38 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Travelling?

Aug 01, 2022 3:13:27 PM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?i=1000574682366

Aug 02, 2022 11:00:50 AM Me

Hola

Aug 02, 2022 11:01:00 AM Me

You ok?

Aug 02, 2022 11:51:15 AM (Read by them after 7 hours, 8 minutes, 47 seconds) Me

I'm guessing you are off the grid

Aug 02, 2022 7:56:52 PM +13038752587

Service spotty no local internet

Aug 02, 2022 7:56:52 PM +13038752587

We are well

Aug 02, 2022 8:07:40 PM +13038752587

Message drone Gary Vee today… Can u do me a huge favor, can u be nicer to yourself,listen, every other human being has struggles and shortcomings too,enough of beating urself up,enough of being insecure,middle school is behind u, find a way to love urself more, regardless of how much or little u love yourself now you're amazing in many ways focus on that pls take a deep ass breathe & be grateful for who u are & what you have ❤️

Aug 02, 2022 8:20:02 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 9 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

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On the beach this morning

Aug 02, 2022 8:20:26 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 9 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

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Aug 04, 2022 12:30:54 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 19 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

hey, when you back online?

Aug 04, 2022 12:52:50 PM (Read by them after 57 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

I’ve been ok for a while, but this past week things are hitting hard. I’m pretty much on my own aside from interacting with the boys each day. Liz has been living in town with Joanna pretty much all summer. She was here a short while when she returned from camping in May, but when my parents came to town for graduation in June, she stayed down at Joannas so my parents could sleep in the master bedroom. And she hasent been back to stay since. Only visits to get mail and change of clothes. of course the mind wants to make sense of this and has come up with, a) she’s wanting to get away from house and campus between school years since it looks like no one is going on a vacation (FYI-I can’t remember the last time we’ve been on a family vacation, 5 years ago?) OR b) she really cannot take being around me (which when I think about that is like a knife in the heart—I’ve never wavered in my love for my wife, its that my illness has destroyed my relationship and my life) Besides I have negative money, and tons of debtors looking to get paid. So I’m not going anywhere soon. All this is to say that I’m trying REALLY HARD to stay positive and open, but when so much around you is the opposite of that if feels like paddling a canoe upstream in the rapids. I’ve felt that way for about 3 years now and I’m really tired of it.

Aug 04, 2022 1:39:51 PM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 29 seconds) Me

Anyhow, this is more venting and sharing than a cry for any help. I’m just experiencing a cloudy day. 😊

Aug 04, 2022 1:56:57 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

It makes sense your mind would seek stories to explain the unknown. You have reached out to Liz. Until she reaches back out, you will have to wait. In the mean time keep up the work on yourself. Get your personal house in order. Allow the clouds 🌧 to come and go. The sun ☀️ is always there. Sending love ❤️

Aug 04, 2022 1:57:19 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

thanks!

Aug 04, 2022 1:57:54 PM +13038752587

Hopefully I’ll have a good connection at the hotel in Neah Bay tonight

Aug 04, 2022 1:58:11 PM +13038752587

And access to power

Aug 04, 2022 1:58:18 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

😊

Aug 04, 2022 2:00:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just google mapped Neah Bay, very cool. Are you going to go out to the point?

Aug 04, 2022 2:02:26 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 51 seconds) Me

1236 miles north of me

Aug 04, 2022 2:06:49 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Aug 04, 2022 2:07:23 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Going into no signal land for an hour

Aug 04, 2022 2:07:34 PM (Read by them after 48 seconds) Me

see ya on the other side

Aug 04, 2022 7:16:48 PM Me

portfolio is now published beyond just case studies:

Aug 04, 2022 7:16:50 PM Me

Bert Mahoney—User Experience and User Interface Designer

Aug 05, 2022 10:25:33 AM Me

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Aug 05, 2022 11:13:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Question for you. I know you’re traveling and vacationing. When u back online? I’m getting more recruiters reaching out to me. I’m hopeful that something will pan out that is a good fit, and if it does, I’ll likely go down a rabbit hole during the ramp-up process. I don’t want to leave you in the lurch if Cheese folks show up and are ready to rock and roll.

Aug 05, 2022 11:14:19 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m planning on getting it all done but there may be a period where bandwidth is low.

Aug 05, 2022 11:25:12 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I will have time on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday

Aug 05, 2022 11:26:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool. Just want to raise the possibility on my bandwidth so you’re in the loop. Imagine you have some distractions :-) I’ll likely have one or two interviews early next week. Trying to schedule today.

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Aug 05, 2022 1:34:31 PM +13038752587

Aug 05, 2022 8:31:16 PM Me

I’ve noticed every time I go into public I get very depressed. Doesn’t matter where I go if there’s people I’m depressed.

Aug 05, 2022 8:35:01 PM Me

It’s that I see a lot of people living their lives, having fun, be happy. I haven’t had any of that in years it really sucks

Aug 05, 2022 8:38:32 PM Me

Aug 06, 2022 2:06:10 PM Me

An Oracle recruiter sent a message on LinkedIn. Says they’re looking to inject new designers to elevate their UX/UI (Global, all devices). Says he looked over my stuff and wants to know if I’m interested. 🤯 He’s invited me to get on the phone. I’ll talk to him this week. Keep you posted.

Aug 06, 2022 2:19:01 PM Me

haha

Aug 06, 2022 9:08:38 PM Me

Aug 07, 2022 12:54:48 AM (Read by them after 11 hours, 7 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

A bit of design humor I created.

Aug 09, 2022 12:50:49 AM Me

So feel this

Aug 09, 2022 12:50:55 AM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_3476.png.jpeg

Aug 09, 2022 10:46:12 AM Me

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Aug 09, 2022 12:45:59 PM Me

Just got off a call with a recruiter who is connecting me to Kaiser Permanente for a possible contract position, and another healthcare company based in Long Beach for a full-time remote position. Chances are I will interview with them at the beginning of next week

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Aug 09, 2022 12:50:47 PM Me

Added regular portfolio items to my website:

Aug 09, 2022 12:50:48 PM Me

Bert Mahoney—User Experience and User Interface Designer

Aug 09, 2022 1:40:32 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 43 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Did a quick look in mobile. - looks great

Aug 09, 2022 2:17:07 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Sent a slack message earlier

Aug 09, 2022 3:23:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

ok

Aug 09, 2022 7:43:20 PM Me

Twitter

Aug 10, 2022 10:06:23 AM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Haha

Aug 10, 2022 8:17:54 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 13 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

Just had a small interpersonal interaction with Liz Just feeling the dark side of her. Little to know words, and flat. She seems extremely tired and burnt out or mad and keeps a lid on it. I cannot tell. There are parts of my ability to interact with her that are stymied for whatever reason. I have 2 things. 1. I am concerned about her well-being with as many demands that are on her shoulders—in particular, with being the primary contact and caregiver with her mom and the myriad of details that involves. Besides the fact that her mom’s health has been unsteady these past couple of months. 2. I am so confused as to how to be most helpful. I’ve offered help anytime it is needed to both Liz and Sallie—perhaps I need to reiterate that to them. But I don’t know if maybe going away again would be most helpful. Is my being here a burden to Liz because she’s already dealing with a lot? I was gone 1/3 the year of the incident. I’ve processed it alone for myself, but not entirely with her. I keep thinking back on her looking me square in the eye and saying, “I’m done.” and it pierced my heart. I love her dearly and have never wavered in my devotion to her, but I’m somehow standing here seemingly watching her suffer with trying to keep everything going. There’s a part of me that thinks she wants a divorce, but a part of her is afraid to say it to me for fear of my reaction (considering her experience of my state of mind). This is all so fucking heartbreaking and sad for both of us. Our relationship should have never gotten into this weird space. Personally, I was just hit with a wave of tears and sad emotion—like love dying and had to pause. Was just thinking about the feeling of living between spaces in suspended animation like Man on Wire

I feel like that, between two stable places and that’s been for over a year now. This is both in my marriage, and professionally (work wise). Dealing with one is enough stress—2 + covid + severe depressive disorder has been a lot. Anyhow I’m rambling

Aug 10, 2022 10:55:48 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 18 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Just got to camp 🏕. Sending you positive thoughts and energy. I’ll reach out tomorrow

Aug 11, 2022 10:20:20 AM Me

Thanks, I feel much better this morning, I realize I was triggered in the moment of course and went on tons of feelings. Back to work for me this morning everything’s cool and the gang

Aug 11, 2022 10:23:19 AM Me

Also, enjoy your vacation, don’t worry about me I’m OK 😆

Aug 12, 2022 1:29:43 PM Me

https://insig.ht/avCIHJRlrsb

Aug 12, 2022 1:30:09 PM Me

Check this out. A short amazing teaching about “being seen” and more importantly about consciousness about being. I found it enlightening

Aug 13, 2022 10:50:08 AM Me

https://youtu.be/fPouKL83RR8

Aug 13, 2022 10:50:31 AM Me

Geddy and Alex play LIVE for the first time since 2015. With obvious absence of Neil Peart

Aug 15, 2022 4:18:53 PM +13038752587

Need some help with last few edits on LAS

Aug 15, 2022 4:19:32 PM +13038752587

Do you have time in about 30 m

Aug 15, 2022 4:20:09 PM Me

I can do them. You have them written down?

Aug 15, 2022 4:29:27 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Mostly - need to talk a few over with you

Aug 15, 2022 4:35:53 PM Me

K

Aug 17, 2022 3:42:09 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Ignore voice message

Aug 18, 2022 9:34:27 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

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Aug 18, 2022 11:12:19 AM Me

This spoke to me

Aug 18, 2022 11:14:58 AM Me

This too. Big time. When I read this it’s a big fuck you to everyone else who didn’t do jack shit to help me when I was in the deepest darkest place and confused.

Aug 18, 2022 11:15:15 AM Me

Except u helped 😁

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Aug 19, 2022 11:40:33 PM Me

Spotify

Aug 21, 2022 1:08:02 PM Me

Hey there, Hope u and the family are all well. 😊

Aug 21, 2022 1:33:59 PM Me

I’ve been thinking a great deal about where I am presently. I’m feeling a great deal of daily stress from my work status (have made maybe $500 in 3 months) and my relationship is essentially a persistent feeling of being ghosted. Whenever I’m in the same space as Liz I can feel her energy, I feel the suffering she is holding on to. I feel it, I see it, I experience it. She is dealing with a great deal. Her mom is ok, but on dialysis now and not knowing if that’s permanent. Sallie also has some ticker issues going on too. Students arrive today for preseason sports, so the impending school year is looming large. Imagine going back to the classroom is it’s own unique stress as well. I find myself feeling similar to how I felt before things blew up, forgotten, ignored, & ghosted. However, I’m unsure if my selfishness for a relationship resolution is lying to me by making those feelings surface, it’s what I sense. Simultaneously I have an enormous amount of compassion and empathy for Liz and want to be helpful, not hurtful, as I’ve sadly exceeded that quota. I’ve shared my willingness to help out Sallie and her in whatever ways I can be of service. Oh, and I just remembered Kona. She is still training for it, but no one is talking about it and unsure what if any travel plans are in place. I know I don’t have a ticket, that’s about it. I’m in uncharted territory taking things hour by hour, day by day, and it’s incredibly stressful. I can feel as I type this that my shoulders and neck and locked and hot to touch. My body is feeling it hard. Meditation practice is deepening and sessions less than 30mins feel too short now. It’s been good because I feel I’m fighting a lie inside my head, and that is this. Liz is avoiding me very hard at moment because the wall she’s holding up between us is how she is surviving this period of time. But that’s because she wants to tell me that she’s done being married to me, but she can’t do that right now because that would be too much with everything going on, and push her over her “edge.” A part of my brain is reading her likes she’s afraid to say it to my face because she fears my reaction(s). She’s seen me lose it over much much less. I feel more and more like I shouldn’t be here, but if not here, where? I’m in my house but weirdly feel homeless. Lots of confusion based on hunches and nonsense. Anyhow feel like I’m rambling now. Haven’t talked with another person about these thoughts and needed to get them out of my head. Thanks for reading and be well 🙏

Aug 21, 2022 1:35:28 PM +13038752587

At museum with meme and the girls

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Aug 21, 2022 1:35:50 PM Me

Read reply later 👍

Aug 21, 2022 1:36:39 PM Me

That sounds like lots of fun

Aug 21, 2022 1:46:26 PM +13038752587

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Aug 21, 2022 1:52:31 PM Me

LOVE 💙 the blue accent on Aunt Pats hair 🙌

Aug 22, 2022 11:08:37 AM +13038752587

I have some thoughts for you on life… let’s talk later

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Aug 22, 2022 11:09:24 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I sent an email with last edits for LAS - can you do them today?

Aug 22, 2022 11:09:31 AM Me

Yep

Aug 22, 2022 11:10:38 AM Me

Can start it shortly. Going to meditate. Not feeling particularly well physically or mentally this morning. Just feeling big fatigue dragging uncertainty around for a long time

Aug 22, 2022 11:11:21 AM Me

Optimism and positivity are hard to come by and in very very short supply

Aug 22, 2022 11:11:38 AM +13038752587

Sounds like a good topic for meditation

Aug 22, 2022 11:11:57 AM Me

Right now I’m focused on my work situation and trying to resolve that since it’s something I can take action on and potentially resolve.

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Aug 22, 2022 11:12:39 AM Me

I have applied to over 50 opportunities. Have gotten rejected from nine so far

Aug 22, 2022 3:24:39 PM Me

have another interview tomorrow.

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Aug 22, 2022 3:25:01 PM Me

FYI, taking boys to town for an errand then I’ll be back working on the edits

Aug 22, 2022 3:25:16 PM Me

I’ll let u know when I’m online

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Aug 22, 2022 3:36:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this is just too good. You might want to share with Uncle Don…

Aug 22, 2022 3:36:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

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Aug 23, 2022 12:38:40 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

interview with recruiter went really well.

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Aug 24, 2022 1:21:38 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey there, got your VM about the footer. I looked at the site and see the footer is the same on News+Events (blog) and the rest of the site. Is everything set?

Aug 24, 2022 1:22:30 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

I resolved it - right after leaving VM

Aug 24, 2022 1:22:46 PM Me

k, all good then?

Aug 24, 2022 1:22:54 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Aug 24, 2022 4:22:20 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Sent vector file for logo How’s it look I

Aug 24, 2022 4:22:35 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

@Gmail.com

Aug 24, 2022 4:22:53 PM Me

let me take a look.

Aug 24, 2022 4:23:06 PM Me

ur lucky day, caughtt me online 😊

Aug 24, 2022 4:23:34 PM +13038752587

Winner winner chicken dinner 🥘

Aug 24, 2022 4:25:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

working on a new “proficiencies” page for my website. - skills, coding, design, soft skills, etc. summing up what I do, what I’m good at, and what my current toolkit is for doing work (figma, Adobe, etc.) For some reason, some employers care what you use/d

Aug 24, 2022 4:27:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2 emails?

Aug 24, 2022 4:28:10 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Second is a reference if needed

Aug 24, 2022 4:28:16 PM Me

k

Aug 24, 2022 4:32:52 PM Me

k, so the goal here is to generate a new SVG logo to replace the current one on the site?

Aug 24, 2022 4:33:48 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Aug 24, 2022 4:33:54 PM Me

super

Aug 24, 2022 4:34:07 PM Me

inside the file now, so far so good, looking clean

Aug 24, 2022 4:34:21 PM Me

oh wow.

Aug 24, 2022 4:34:44 PM Me

what I thought were small images are actually illustration

Aug 24, 2022 4:35:24 PM Me

the number of points inside the vector would make your eyes pop

Aug 24, 2022 4:36:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Aug 24, 2022 4:37:02 PM Me

here’s the eyes on the skull close up

Aug 24, 2022 4:37:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

can you see them?

Aug 24, 2022 4:37:35 PM Me

zoom up on that photo, you’ll see what I mean

Aug 24, 2022 4:38:12 PM Me

I can simplify it and maintain the integrity with some filters

Aug 24, 2022 4:39:30 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - do you think it looks better as an illustration versus using layered pictures(like the ppt file or current logo)?

Aug 24, 2022 4:39:45 PM Me

this is FAR better.

Aug 24, 2022 4:39:56 PM Me

computers like this, and its scalable.

Aug 24, 2022 4:43:02 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Great - do your thing 😀

Aug 24, 2022 4:44:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one arrowhead 150 -> 121 points

Aug 24, 2022 5:03:38 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Aug 24, 2022 5:03:49 PM Me

was 9.5MB EPS

Aug 24, 2022 5:03:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

1MB svg

Aug 24, 2022 5:04:00 PM +13038752587

Wow

Aug 24, 2022 5:04:13 PM +13038752587

Please email

Aug 24, 2022 5:04:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It was also too BIG

Aug 24, 2022 5:04:29 PM Me

1440 x 1440

Aug 24, 2022 5:04:38 PM +13038752587

Can you email a .png version as well

Aug 24, 2022 5:04:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

made it 1024x1024 which is still gigantic

Aug 24, 2022 5:04:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can get it under a MB easy

Aug 24, 2022 5:05:58 PM Me

also color was in CMYK

Aug 24, 2022 5:06:06 PM Me

now RGB

Aug 24, 2022 5:09:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

png is 346 @ 1024

Aug 24, 2022 5:09:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

346K

Aug 24, 2022 5:09:27 PM Me

emailing now

Aug 24, 2022 5:10:33 PM Me

k, sent

Aug 24, 2022 5:12:40 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Aug 24, 2022 5:13:24 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Making LAS live tomorrow Will add stripe functionality when they set up bank

Aug 24, 2022 5:13:35 PM Me

k, logo almost in place

Aug 24, 2022 5:13:44 PM Me

had to tweak SVG support plugin

Aug 24, 2022 5:13:56 PM Me

always something xtra

Aug 24, 2022 5:13:59 PM Me

never fails

Aug 24, 2022 5:16:38 PM Me

ok, all set

Aug 24, 2022 5:16:48 PM Me

been replaced in all headers/footers

Aug 24, 2022 5:16:53 PM Me

off running an errand now

Aug 24, 2022 5:18:15 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

😃

Aug 24, 2022 6:21:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

all good?

Aug 24, 2022 8:08:42 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Bedtime for girls I’ll check later

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Aug 25, 2022 12:48:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so, I put the NDA project behind a password, and got another email today saying it can’t be shared at all. 😟

Aug 25, 2022 12:48:33 PM Me

Feels like being blackballed

Aug 25, 2022 12:49:30 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I guess I have to take another portfolio project and put it as Case Study. Will do VInBid mobile application

Aug 25, 2022 1:00:55 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

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Aug 25, 2022 7:47:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have an interview with Toptal.com tomorrow: https://www.toptal.com/

Aug 25, 2022 7:50:17 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Awesome- that is one of the companies I was talking about. Go get it!!

Aug 25, 2022 8:03:25 PM Me

I saw a job ad point at their website and thought…

Aug 25, 2022 8:03:30 PM Me

wait I know that name.

Aug 25, 2022 8:03:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sure enough I started applying with them back in 2019, but stopped

Aug 25, 2022 8:04:04 PM Me

I have the email receipts

Aug 25, 2022 8:04:35 PM Me

I’m confident I’ll do well and get to the next interview.

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Aug 25, 2022 8:05:00 PM Me

I can talk about my process and work all day long if someone gives me a platform to “riff”

Aug 25, 2022 8:06:03 PM Me

I honestly can answer any question. Impossible to “stump” or “surprise” me. Too many scars for that.

Aug 25, 2022 8:06:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hell I’ve been doing this work longer than some young colleagues have been alive, HAHAHAHA

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Aug 25, 2022 8:07:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was making websites professionally during the Netscape/IE browser wars of the mid 90s

Aug 25, 2022 8:07:40 PM Me

pretty sure that gives me OG credentials

Aug 25, 2022 8:07:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

or dinosaur hahaha

Aug 25, 2022 8:32:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey for comparison, here is a UX/UI designer on Total:

Aug 25, 2022 8:32:07 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.toptal.com/designers/resume/emily-michels

Aug 26, 2022 10:21:31 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

You should reach out and connect on LI. Strike up a conversation about ui/ux and toptal

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Aug 26, 2022 10:21:41 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 55 seconds) +13038752587

I sent an email about logo

Aug 26, 2022 11:18:51 AM +13038752587

Brain block - moving subdomain to be main domain

Aug 26, 2022 11:19:44 AM ⇲ Me

Should be as simple as dragging files up one directory via SFTP.

Aug 26, 2022 11:18:56 AM Me

In meditation. Saw the email. Can do once done

Aug 26, 2022 11:19:08 AM +13038752587

Thanks

Aug 26, 2022 11:19:34 AM +13038752587

Reply when done meditation

Aug 26, 2022 11:19:44 AM ⇱ Me

Should be as simple as dragging files up one directory via SFTP.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 26, 2022 11:20:00 AM Me

But you’re inside ground there should be an easy tool to do that

Aug 26, 2022 12:00:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

prepping for my meeting in 20 mins.

Aug 26, 2022 12:01:12 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

I think I’m good on migration

Aug 26, 2022 12:01:19 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Go get it!

Aug 26, 2022 12:42:04 PM Me

OMG, was a great interview. I’m thru to next step, present a portfolio of 6 projects.

Aug 26, 2022 12:42:42 PM Me

in PDF format. This is when all the work I’ve done on the site pays off. I have everything already curated and written — just assembly for me.

Reactions:

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Aug 26, 2022 12:50:59 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

New ‘do

Aug 26, 2022 12:51:13 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Last week

Aug 26, 2022 12:51:21 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Willow was very excited

Aug 26, 2022 12:51:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, YES

Aug 26, 2022 12:51:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You cut the back short and you have my haircut

Aug 26, 2022 12:52:51 PM Me

Just wait until Willow comes home with that haircut, lip piercings, blue hair, and tattoos. that is Aidan 😊

Aug 26, 2022 12:54:44 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

I know 🫣

Aug 26, 2022 12:58:43 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Can you make the svg a negative? I’ll send what they want

Aug 26, 2022 12:59:06 PM Me

yep, on it now.

Aug 26, 2022 12:59:09 PM Me

so to confirm

Aug 26, 2022 12:59:19 PM Me

make it black and white, and invert it?

Aug 26, 2022 12:59:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

grayscale and tones?

Aug 26, 2022 12:59:40 PM Me

Or hard Black and White?

Aug 26, 2022 1:00:04 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll send an example

Aug 26, 2022 1:02:10 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

Can’t find it He asked for b&w inverted

Aug 26, 2022 1:02:28 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

You can do both if it’s an easy process

Aug 26, 2022 1:02:35 PM Me

k

Aug 26, 2022 1:02:37 PM Me

it is

Aug 26, 2022 2:16:13 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 30 seconds) Me

coming in a minute. Sorry for delay

Aug 26, 2022 2:16:37 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 9 seconds) Me

Aug 26, 2022 2:17:54 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

No worries

Aug 26, 2022 2:22:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

on their way

Aug 28, 2022 9:31:40 PM Me

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Aug 29, 2022 10:40:26 AM Me

Aug 29, 2022 10:44:46 AM Me

This too

Aug 29, 2022 10:44:52 AM Me

Aug 29, 2022 11:23:08 AM Me

Aug 29, 2022 11:32:28 AM +13038752587

How goes toptal process?

Aug 29, 2022 11:58:53 AM Me

Interview was great. Have to submit a 6 project PDF portfolio 💼

Aug 29, 2022 11:59:14 AM Me

Working on it today and tomorrow

Aug 29, 2022 11:59:20 AM Me

Proof Wednesday

Aug 29, 2022 11:59:37 AM Me

Send Thursday, it’s due Friday

Aug 29, 2022 11:14:58 PM Me

Aug 30, 2022 10:55:07 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Aug 30, 2022 6:58:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Howdy, I have a bill due tomorrow on a new account but I am penniless until I get some more work. Any chance you can shoot me over a patch until full payment comes in?

Aug 30, 2022 6:58:49 PM Me

working on a consolidation loan but things aren’t fully in place yet

Aug 30, 2022 6:59:39 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Possibly- how much- I’m waiting on tow client payments

Aug 30, 2022 6:59:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

checking…

Aug 30, 2022 7:03:20 PM Me

150 would work, 200 would be great

Aug 30, 2022 7:03:36 PM Me

btw, how’s things?

Aug 30, 2022 7:03:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have another interview tomorrow morning @ 8:30am

Aug 30, 2022 7:06:28 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

On my way to Target to have some words with the manager. Someone blew up a condom and pit it in the kids balloons - question is it may have been used. He did not fill out an incident report and kind of brushed it off.

Aug 30, 2022 7:06:49 PM Me

wow

Aug 30, 2022 7:07:13 PM +13038752587

Can the bill be paid online by credit card?

Aug 30, 2022 7:08:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

think so

Aug 30, 2022 7:08:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its an apple card

Aug 30, 2022 7:09:41 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - we can take care of it tomorrow?

Aug 30, 2022 7:09:54 PM Me

yes

Aug 30, 2022 7:10:10 PM +13038752587

I’ll call you in the morning

Aug 30, 2022 7:22:10 PM (Read by them after 28 seconds) Me

k

Aug 30, 2022 7:23:32 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

At Target now

Aug 30, 2022 7:27:21 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 5 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

At Target now

Aug 30, 2022 7:29:50 PM Me

Good luck! 🍀

Aug 31, 2022 9:56:38 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 35 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

I have a meeting from 10-11 your time. I’ll call you after to take care of Apple 🍎

Aug 31, 2022 1:32:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hola

Aug 31, 2022 1:34:45 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Crazy moment- getting passport and the file was not here- of course because I moved all important paperwork to meme- had to run over there. Filling out forms now

Aug 31, 2022 1:35:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Aug 31, 2022 1:35:12 PM +13038752587

Can I Zelle you money to wells account?

Aug 31, 2022 1:35:23 PM +13038752587

Are you set up with Zelle

Aug 31, 2022 1:35:35 PM Me

let me chek

Aug 31, 2022 1:35:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

use it rarely

Aug 31, 2022 1:35:42 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Aug 31, 2022 1:47:47 PM Me

K I just sent a request from inside my Wells Fargo app to you through your contact info

Aug 31, 2022 1:51:00 PM +13038752587

What email did you use?

Aug 31, 2022 1:51:14 PM +13038752587

I have 2 accounts

Aug 31, 2022 1:51:23 PM Me

Your cell, this number

Aug 31, 2022 2:20:54 PM Me

Any chance to do it yet?

Aug 31, 2022 2:21:19 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Driving

Aug 31, 2022 2:21:25 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check in a mi

Aug 31, 2022 2:21:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no problem. Just want to make sure I didn’t miss.

Aug 31, 2022 2:22:08 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

want to pay right away so some other auto pay doesn’t eat it 😊

Aug 31, 2022 2:27:55 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

k, headed to town for market, errands. Hold off till I ping you on my return. Cool?

Aug 31, 2022 3:35:45 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

You back

Aug 31, 2022 3:41:35 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

See request - let me know when your ready

Aug 31, 2022 4:18:04 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

yep i’m back

Aug 31, 2022 4:23:50 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

Sending now

Aug 31, 2022 4:24:18 PM Me

cool

Aug 31, 2022 4:25:21 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 31, 2022 4:25:32 PM Me

yeah, I got a text

Aug 31, 2022 4:25:33 PM +13038752587

Sent

Aug 31, 2022 4:56:33 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

As soon as LAS pays their invoice I’ll send you another 350

Aug 31, 2022 6:30:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool

Aug 31, 2022 6:30:57 PM Me

Hey, are you around tomorrow/

Aug 31, 2022 6:32:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m working on this Toptal portfolio I’m sending to them tomorrow night. I need someone else to look at it and click on the links. If we could do that online together, that would be great. The PDF will take you to my website, so I want to ensure things work. Cool??

Aug 31, 2022 6:36:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - morning

Aug 31, 2022 6:33:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Was 103 in the shade today, humidity was ~60%

Aug 31, 2022 6:34:01 PM Me

We’re supposed to cook here through the holiday weekend. Coming true so far 😊

Aug 31, 2022 6:36:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - morning
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 31, 2022 6:37:47 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Welcome September

Aug 31, 2022 6:38:46 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Indian Summer plus the 10 degrees

Aug 31, 2022 6:39:42 PM Me

Next few days

Aug 31, 2022 6:39:56 PM Me

Look at tonight, wont get below 83

Aug 31, 2022 6:41:14 PM Me

Aug 31, 2022 6:41:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We’ll hit 100+ until maybe next Thursday

Aug 31, 2022 6:42:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This might be the one week a year we cook

Aug 31, 2022 10:06:53 PM Me

Instagram

Aug 31, 2022 10:31:57 PM Me

Listening to some oldies but goodies. Yes these are about 40yrs old

Aug 31, 2022 10:31:58 PM Me

Spotify

Aug 31, 2022 10:33:02 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 01, 2022 11:41:24 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Important- let’s get on a call

Sep 01, 2022 1:43:19 PM Me

Hi there, on my way home right now. Been out since 630 this morning driving Sallie to doctors appointments in Ventura.

Sep 01, 2022 1:43:50 PM +13038752587

Good on you mate

Sep 01, 2022 1:44:05 PM +13038752587

I have a meeting from 2-3

Sep 01, 2022 1:44:15 PM +13038752587

I’ll call after

Sep 01, 2022 1:44:19 PM Me

K

Sep 01, 2022 3:02:39 PM +13038752587

Calling

Sep 01, 2022 9:11:32 PM Me

U still up? Around?

Sep 01, 2022 9:11:48 PM Me

Says u have notifications silencio

Sep 02, 2022 1:32:02 PM Me

Hola, you around?

Sep 02, 2022 1:32:38 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - can talk in 20m

Sep 02, 2022 1:33:18 PM +13038752587

I need to be online - yes? Go over your pdf

Sep 02, 2022 1:33:49 PM Me

yeah, but not quite there yet. Have all the content in the document, but still getting it into the right place on the page.

Sep 02, 2022 1:34:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The myth that the computer does everything for you LIVES ON!!!

Sep 02, 2022 1:34:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Sep 02, 2022 1:34:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sep 02, 2022 1:35:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sep 02, 2022 1:35:23 PM Me

getting there

Sep 02, 2022 1:42:14 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 41 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Suggestion - change “I’m hopeful” to “ I look forward to”

Sep 02, 2022 1:44:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

“I look forward to continuing…

Sep 02, 2022 3:24:01 PM Me

cool, did that.

Sep 02, 2022 3:24:10 PM Me

just got #4 of 6 complete

Sep 02, 2022 3:24:35 PM Me

everthing is in the file, its layout and design of all the elements to make it look interesting

Reactions:

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Sep 02, 2022 3:50:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m on the layout of the last one, #6

Sep 02, 2022 3:51:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Will create and email PDF your way soon

Sep 02, 2022 3:51:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

stay tuned

Sep 02, 2022 3:51:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

pretty please

Sep 02, 2022 5:21:42 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 39 seconds) Me

OK, emailing you the PDF

Sep 02, 2022 5:21:45 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 36 seconds) Me

1.4 MB

Sep 02, 2022 5:24:10 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 11 seconds) Me

OK, email has left the building.

Sep 02, 2022 5:24:20 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 1 second) Me

Taking Declan to town and run an errand.

Sep 02, 2022 5:24:38 PM (Read by them after 6 minutes, 43 seconds) Me

Back in about 40mins. Hopefully you can scan and reply by then.

Sep 02, 2022 5:24:41 PM (Read by them after 6 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

I need to ship it

Sep 02, 2022 5:57:50 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Just got your messages

Sep 02, 2022 6:08:40 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Looks good with a good once over

Sep 02, 2022 6:09:16 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Could not access links from my phone - could be where I am an internet connection

Sep 02, 2022 6:14:27 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Could not access links from my phone - could be where I am an internet connection

Sep 02, 2022 6:18:29 PM Me

K

Sep 02, 2022 6:18:34 PM Me

Just got back

Sep 02, 2022 6:18:38 PM Me

I’ll look

Sep 02, 2022 6:19:10 PM +13038752587

Double check links then SHIP IT!

Sep 02, 2022 6:19:16 PM Me

K

Sep 02, 2022 6:19:20 PM Me

Doing

Sep 02, 2022 6:25:48 PM Me

Added “next page” links inside doc

Sep 02, 2022 7:03:00 PM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

sent

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Sep 02, 2022 7:03:16 PM (Read by them after 34 seconds) Me

Sep 02, 2022 7:16:35 PM +13038752587

Where we house sat

Sep 02, 2022 7:26:37 PM Me

hopefully 🙏 things will work out with them. They operate like art and Logic, it’s contract based work. However they pay you regardless of the client being. That’s not your problem that’s there’s

Sep 02, 2022 10:01:40 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Visiting Aaron and Elizabeth’s

Sep 04, 2022 7:28:39 PM Me

It’s been a really hard fucking day

Sep 04, 2022 7:34:53 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Pot Que

Sep 04, 2022 7:34:56 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Por

Sep 04, 2022 7:37:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

there have been moments that have been challenging

Sep 04, 2022 7:37:47 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Liz and Darragh returned from a week camping

Sep 04, 2022 7:38:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just dealing with the ever present ghosting

Sep 04, 2022 7:40:05 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

its been over a year, I still have a moment EVERY day where the uncertainty and suffering I generate from that and what I’ve caused crushes me—but now for moments, when it used to be weeks.

Sep 04, 2022 7:40:34 PM Me

I’ve gotten far better at dealing with this.

Sep 04, 2022 7:40:49 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

its hard to not think its not intentional.

Sep 04, 2022 7:41:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Liz and Darragh got in the car to go get dinner at Fresh Grill. I was looking for my phone and when I got to the driveway they drove past me and kept on going.

Sep 04, 2022 7:42:07 PM Me

I’m WAY OVER SENSITIVE to being forgotten.

Sep 04, 2022 7:42:51 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

its what Liz has done to me for years—but she had no clue she was doing it. Now it feels like emotional cruelty.

Sep 04, 2022 7:42:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, done ranting.

Sep 04, 2022 7:43:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

off to work on my dads cane. Almost done with sanding. I’ll send you some pics.

Sep 04, 2022 7:43:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

have a good night and maybe we can talk tomorrow

Sep 04, 2022 7:57:30 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Yes have a good night. Can't wait to see the cane. I'll have time to talk after 12 mst

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Sep 04, 2022 7:58:14 PM Me

Also, one last thought. If you want to bid on a project and tap on me to help with production etc. feel free to.

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Sep 04, 2022 8:28:42 PM Me

Need money 💰 badly

Sep 04, 2022 8:29:24 PM Me

All cc’s at limit and no cash ☹️ sux

Sep 04, 2022 8:30:51 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Do not worry There is money to be had We will talk tomorrow

Sep 04, 2022 8:31:03 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Putting girls to sleep

Sep 04, 2022 8:50:15 PM Me

My sanctuary

Sep 04, 2022 8:52:15 PM Me

Just setup my Buddha next to my fountain.

Sep 04, 2022 8:52:39 PM Me

May sleep 💤 out here tonight. 80°

Sep 05, 2022 2:23:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this looks like you

Sep 05, 2022 2:23:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Upwork

Reactions:

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Sep 05, 2022 3:05:15 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

13 job applications sent out

Sep 05, 2022 3:05:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

notables: Mayo Clinic, Nvidia

Sep 05, 2022 3:05:50 PM Me

1 Upwork proposal sent too

Sep 05, 2022 3:58:22 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Great job!

Sep 05, 2022 3:58:37 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

At Barry’s for Laurie’s bday celebration

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Sep 05, 2022 4:58:08 PM Me

Activated charcoal

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Sep 05, 2022 4:58:15 PM Me

Will save a hangover

Sep 05, 2022 6:59:14 PM Me

Also, today was harder than yesterday

Sep 05, 2022 7:27:52 PM Me

A lot of feeling my heart breaking. I just watched Liz walk out of the house for the New Year’s banquet looking beautiful, and paid her complement and got a mumbled “thanks,”. and then I wished her an enjoyable banquet and got same response.

Sep 05, 2022 7:59:35 PM Me

Hey! Check out this awesome quote on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

Sep 05, 2022 7:59:38 PM Me

https://insig.ht/t8J3PCzD5sb

Sep 05, 2022 8:01:52 PM Me

This is probably me just ranting and sharing outside my head. In some ways I feel like I’m making something out of nothing, but I’ve been avoided since arriving at the end of May. Ignored and ghosted. I’m just confused because I don’t understand her. She doesn’t talk to me, when I ask questions I get one-word answers. I’ve asked to meet for coffee or some thing and had schedule conflicts so I asked her to let me know when it works for her schedule, and that was three weeks ago. She has been worried about her mom, but she seems stable at the moment. I feel she’s pissed that I’m not working. Vibes I have a lot of stress man. And I’ve had it over a year now between work and my marriage. Neither are settled or stable. Meanwhile working to find work, dealing with ageism, being patient and rejection is hard. The part I can’t rationalize is why I’m still in the house if she wants nothing to do with me. Perhaps it’s pity and she doesn’t wanna kick me out on the street without no job. My prediction is when I do find something steady or wise and have a regular source of income again she’s gonna want me to move out. That’s what it feels like right now, it really sucks because I don’t want that. Depression tried to lie it’s way back into running my life but I’m savvy to it. It shows up a lot, and some days days it’s bad. I’ve talked to my depression doc about this already. Anyhow that’s my brain 🧠 dump 🛻 for now.

Sep 05, 2022 9:17:48 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 30 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Be careful of the stories you create. They lead to unnecessary worry, fear and stress. Look at the positive.

Sep 05, 2022 9:21:19 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 59 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

She is talking with you. And she agreed to meet for coffee (although it was postponed). The past three weeks with a new year starting probably has a lot of things happening.

Sep 05, 2022 9:22:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

And you are tuned into your depression and know how to counter it.

Sep 05, 2022 8:06:55 PM Me

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Clouds and la Luna

Sep 05, 2022 8:52:44 PM Me

Listened 3 x now

Sep 05, 2022 9:23:12 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Excellent- did you write your goal out on a card?

Sep 05, 2022 9:17:48 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 30 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Be careful of the stories you create. They lead to unnecessary worry, fear and stress. Look at the positive.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2022 9:21:19 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 59 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

She is talking with you. And she agreed to meet for coffee (although it was postponed). The past three weeks with a new year starting probably has a lot of things happening.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2022 9:22:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

And you are tuned into your depression and know how to counter it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2022 9:23:12 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Excellent- did you write your goal out on a card?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2022 9:23:30 PM Me

I made mental notes. I have two goals

Sep 05, 2022 9:23:41 PM Me

does it have to be a card?

Sep 05, 2022 9:23:45 PM Me

can it be Evernote?

Sep 05, 2022 9:29:42 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I suppose. I think the thing is to look at it several times a day as instructed. This is the important thing.

Sep 05, 2022 9:29:55 PM ⇲ Me

ok

Sep 05, 2022 9:30:38 PM ⇲ Me

I can do that. I have cards that are neon orange

Sep 05, 2022 9:29:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, liz just got back from the banquet in a sour mood, went upstairs and changed, and then took the dog out seeming VERY pissed about something.

Sep 05, 2022 9:29:55 PM ⇱ Me

ok
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2022 9:30:38 PM ⇱ Me

I can do that. I have cards that are neon orange
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2022 9:31:17 PM Me

plain and simple it hurts me not to be close to her

Sep 05, 2022 9:32:04 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I hear you

Sep 05, 2022 9:31:23 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

There is power in writing it down too.

Sep 05, 2022 9:31:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

true.

Sep 05, 2022 9:31:58 PM Me

FYI, just applied to 2 more jobs

Sep 05, 2022 9:32:04 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I hear you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2022 9:32:16 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

I have to get the girls to sleep

Sep 05, 2022 9:32:20 PM Me

ok

Sep 05, 2022 9:32:37 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Tomorrow we can talk

Sep 05, 2022 9:32:40 PM Me

I need to find a good counselor, but no $$$

Sep 05, 2022 9:33:01 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I have ideas for $$&

Sep 05, 2022 9:33:10 PM Me

I’ll be driving Declan to school. Can talk while he’s in class

Sep 05, 2022 9:33:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

10-11am PST

Sep 05, 2022 9:33:17 PM Me

that work?

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Sep 05, 2022 9:33:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool

Sep 06, 2022 8:26:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Got rejected by Toptal this morning. This sucks.

Sep 06, 2022 8:33:29 AM (Read by you after 17 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Wow really. Any feedback?

Sep 06, 2022 8:26:51 AM Me

nice way to start the day

Sep 06, 2022 8:30:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and getting the hard silent treatment as per usual

Sep 06, 2022 8:33:29 AM (Read by you after 17 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Wow really. Any feedback?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 06, 2022 8:37:05 AM Me

“Although your portfolio presented some interesting projects, we’re looking for excellence in every aspect and a more refined design overall with a more modern design aesthetic and usability to match our current clients’ needs. Also, in your reapplication please present all case studies in detail guiding us through the methodology used, showing your design process as well presenting the final design solutions, so we are able to make an informed decision on the quality and scope of work.”

Sep 06, 2022 8:39:31 AM +13038752587

This is great. They told you exactly what they want. And invited you to re-apply.

Sep 06, 2022 8:40:03 AM Me

I do have one question for him. How would I know what their current clients' needs were when I was never told?

Sep 06, 2022 8:40:41 AM Me

They say they’re looking for things that match their clients current needs and I was never told what that was

Sep 06, 2022 8:40:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Like designing a project without a scope document

Sep 06, 2022 8:41:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Nice of them to tell me this after I submit the portfolio

Sep 06, 2022 8:43:31 AM +13038752587

Good point. Before re-applying you could ask

Sep 06, 2022 8:43:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

In the email he says” if you have any questions or feedback please contact me”

Sep 06, 2022 8:44:03 AM Me

here’s what I want to send

Sep 06, 2022 8:44:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi Alexandru, I do have one question. "We're looking for excellence in every aspect and a more refined design overall with a more modern design aesthetic and usability to match our current clients’ needs." How would I know your current clients' needs when I was never told?

Sep 06, 2022 8:45:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I didn’t know I was designing for their clients already

Sep 06, 2022 8:47:28 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You are and you are not. They have an ideal of what they want and are fishing for talent to match. Some they toss back as not a match. Some they give feedback and invite to reapply. And a few may get accepted the first time.

Sep 06, 2022 8:45:23 AM +13038752587

You may want to go for a walk and stack it. Then come back and send a message

Sep 06, 2022 8:45:32 AM Me

k

Sep 06, 2022 8:47:28 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You are and you are not. They have an ideal of what they want and are fishing for talent to match. Some they toss back as not a match. Some they give feedback and invite to reapply. And a few may get accepted the first time.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 06, 2022 8:48:28 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

This feels like a good trigger to dive into a stack. Do you still have the Questions?

Sep 06, 2022 8:48:47 AM Me

No

Sep 06, 2022 8:48:57 AM Me

Is there a link u can send?

Sep 06, 2022 8:49:12 AM +13038752587

Do you have the book?

Sep 06, 2022 8:49:23 AM ⇲ Me

Yes

Sep 06, 2022 8:49:17 AM Me

Going into meditation

Sep 06, 2022 8:49:23 AM ⇱ Me

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 06, 2022 8:49:23 AM +13038752587

Good plan

Sep 06, 2022 8:49:35 AM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

It may be in there

Sep 06, 2022 9:46:53 AM Me

I’m still having a very hard time reconciling what they sent me in the rejection. They’re saying they are rejecting me because I didn’t meet a standard and they didn’t tell me about. How the hell can I deliver something towards a target and I don’t even know exists? To take it a step further on my think well if you’re good at your job you’re going to ask enough questions to notice. For me Toptal was the client, not their clients. I knew what Toptal wanted, they told me in the email where they mentioned nothing about their clients or their clients needs. I want Toptal to really think about their process. I’m being Rejected on a standard/measurement that I was absolutely not aware of and should have been

Sep 06, 2022 9:52:41 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

What feelings arise from being “rejected”?

Sep 06, 2022 11:07:50 AM Me

A lot. I was “never good enough” for my entire life in NY, so there is that. Also rejected for years in my relationship. So yeah, lots of feelings come up. However I’m so used to it I just acknowledge it and on to the next thing

Sep 06, 2022 11:09:30 AM +13038752587

Yes but how does it make you feel? Angry, sad, pissed off, What are the feelings

Sep 06, 2022 11:29:32 AM Me

Makes me feel unwanted and insignificant in my relationship. Just want to go away and disappear. Professionally it’s frustrating but part of process. Like art critiques, They can be frustrating but are a necessary part of the process

Sep 06, 2022 11:32:11 AM Me

I’ve had some reflections during meditation lately that has made me feel incredibly sad when I look at my life. I did not know it at the time but I’ve basically lived my entire life from the space and place of fear.

Sep 06, 2022 11:33:45 AM Me

I wasn’t awake and aware at how amazing things have been. I was too wrapped up in fear and anxiety in the moment to be present to all the good fortune and blessings I had

Sep 06, 2022 11:37:18 AM Me

And now I sit on the edge of my life waiting for it to collapse down on me like an old rotted barn.

Sep 06, 2022 11:37:31 AM Me

I feel like I woke up too late

Sep 06, 2022 11:39:49 AM +13038752587

How does that make you feel? What you just said and waking up too late? Just the feelings

Sep 06, 2022 11:40:46 AM Me

Comes full circle, “I’m not good enough”

Sep 06, 2022 12:05:47 PM +13038752587

That is a judgement(false belief)- which is good to identify

Sep 06, 2022 12:06:06 PM +13038752587

But what are you lr raw feelings

Sep 06, 2022 12:06:44 PM +13038752587

I am angry 😡 I am sad 😢 I am …

Sep 06, 2022 12:10:09 PM +13038752587

Please use this statement “I am feeling “ Not “I am”

Sep 06, 2022 12:10:56 PM Me

K, driving Declan home now. Will have answer when I get home

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Sep 06, 2022 2:16:55 PM Me

I am feeling I don’t matter, because I am not good enough

Sep 06, 2022 2:20:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

No - you are believing you don’t matter and you are believing you are not good enough.

Sep 06, 2022 2:22:09 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Now how do you “feel” about that. Your feelings. See this image

Sep 06, 2022 2:22:12 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Hilarious Humanitarian

Sep 06, 2022 2:24:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I like this a lot

Sep 06, 2022 2:25:06 PM Me

I have a hard time coming up with these

Sep 06, 2022 2:25:26 PM +13038752587

BS

Sep 06, 2022 2:25:30 PM Me

and I dont see the connections

Sep 06, 2022 2:26:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Do the work Daniel-San

Sep 06, 2022 2:28:19 PM +13038752587

I sense anger, sadness, bad, fear, disgust

Sep 06, 2022 2:28:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Read the chart do any of them resonate for you

Sep 06, 2022 2:30:23 PM Me

inadequate, insignificant, excluded, annoyed, withdrawn, numb, embarrassed, hesitant, disappointed, inferior, remorseful, ashamed, isolated, sensitive, free, perplexed, disillusioned, overwhelmed (at times), pressured, worried, nervous.

Sep 06, 2022 2:30:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

all that

Sep 06, 2022 2:30:41 PM +13038752587

Ahh - good job

Sep 06, 2022 2:30:44 PM Me

that’s my stew

Sep 06, 2022 2:31:12 PM Me

around the wheel entirely. Every one of those rang true when I read the word

Sep 06, 2022 2:33:08 PM Me

I feel many of those things (in some combination) most of the time, and certainly during the darkest depression is was 24/7 for a few years at a time

Sep 06, 2022 2:33:54 PM Me

I also find it tragically sad how little I feel on the happy spectrum

Sep 06, 2022 2:41:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyhow, I have to try and get something done on the job/work front today.

Sep 06, 2022 2:41:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 06, 2022 2:41:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my latest selfie

Sep 06, 2022 2:41:42 PM Me

haha

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Sep 06, 2022 2:47:43 PM Me

listening to Earl

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Sep 07, 2022 12:20:29 AM Me

I’m heading to sleep. Did more applications and worked on a skills page for the website. Had many more emotional breakdowns today than in a long time. Super stressed and my body is tight. Stretching then bed. I feel forlorn I feel lost I feel sadness

Sep 07, 2022 9:55:42 AM Me

Feeling sad/down, ignored, and unwanted this morning. Surprise surprise, right? 425 days since it happened and I still feel the same. Feeling discouraged, broken, and wanting to give up. I’m not looking for Liz to “make” me happy, she can’t do that only I can. But being ghosted to your face for this long hurts mentally and emotionally. I maintain a positive and upbeat intention when asking Liz questions, but I typically have to ask the question twice. After I ask, I wait for a reply until Liz realizes I was speaking to her and then asks “what?” I again keep it positive as I can. She doesn’t talk to me, or ask me questions about anything other than logistics for her mom or the kids. She hasn’t asked me how I’m doing in way more than a year. Just a simple “how are you?”

Sep 07, 2022 9:57:17 AM Me

I feel the need to look her straight in the eye and ask her if she wants me gone, a divorce, but a part of me is so afraid to ask because if she were to say yes… I don’t know wtf I would do.

Sep 07, 2022 9:58:24 AM Me

Anyhow, just a lot on my mind and I want to transcend this miserable feeling and state of existence

Sep 07, 2022 9:59:12 AM Me

Just releasing what’s in my head. It feels good to share it in some way.

Sep 07, 2022 9:59:51 AM Me

Not looking for anyone or anything to fix it, just feel the need to share it

Sep 07, 2022 10:01:32 AM Me

What I can’t unearth is why the universe put this in my lap

Sep 07, 2022 10:02:01 AM Me

I feel weak, stupid, fearful and massive SHAME

Sep 07, 2022 10:09:07 AM Me

Ok thanks for letting me share

Sep 07, 2022 10:10:10 AM Me

Sorry to dump all this text on you

Sep 07, 2022 10:10:45 AM +13038752587

❤️

Sep 07, 2022 7:54:28 PM Me

Hope u had a decent day

Sep 07, 2022 7:54:53 PM Me

12 more apps out New interview tomorrow

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Sep 07, 2022 7:57:09 PM Me

Listened to great dharma talk about compassion and relationships that helped me to understand how to speak with Liz to maybe get a conversation going. Honestly I don’t know what to do. Frozen by fear of fucking up It’s hard to relax, be yourself and be real when fear is in the forefront

Sep 07, 2022 8:00:18 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Little steps. And lots of patience

Sep 07, 2022 8:01:48 PM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Right now you have some communication

Sep 07, 2022 8:02:51 PM Me

Yes, and Kona is weeks away

Sep 07, 2022 8:03:05 PM +13038752587

When is Kona

Sep 07, 2022 8:03:21 PM Me

Maybe after that we can begin to sort shit out. Kona is the first weekend of October

Sep 07, 2022 8:03:54 PM Me

The last I knew we have a house rented Airbnb and the whole families going

Sep 07, 2022 8:04:15 PM Me

But then people may have changed plans and I have not been informed I don’t know

Sep 07, 2022 8:04:53 PM Me

After also be neurotic anxiety base paranoid thinking to

Sep 07, 2022 8:05:01 PM Me

😃

Sep 07, 2022 8:07:22 PM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

Bedtime for the girls.

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Sep 07, 2022 8:07:46 PM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

12 applications and an interview is a good day.

Sep 07, 2022 8:08:02 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Go crush it.

Sep 07, 2022 8:08:30 PM Me

I go with no expectation

Sep 07, 2022 8:09:24 PM +13038752587

See the goal to nail it.

Sep 07, 2022 8:09:25 PM Me

I don’t want to start my life over ☹️

Sep 07, 2022 8:09:39 PM +13038752587

*set

Sep 07, 2022 8:10:35 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Stop thinking about that then-

Sep 07, 2022 8:10:48 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Think about what you do want.

Sep 07, 2022 8:11:18 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

The strangest secret 🤫

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Sep 07, 2022 8:11:32 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - off text for a bit

Sep 08, 2022 12:09:37 PM Me

The queen is dead

Sep 08, 2022 12:09:41 PM Me

Sep 08, 2022 12:10:04 PM Me

https://open.spotify.com/track/03ZwNF6FTvazNuOXNQf8k8?si=E_ugiBgNS_2wkrVGYEtE1w

Sep 08, 2022 12:25:47 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

I just heard

Sep 08, 2022 12:48:53 PM Me

In honor of her Majesty…

Sep 08, 2022 12:48:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Spotify

Sep 08, 2022 12:49:14 PM Me

worth a listen if you haven’t heard in a while

Sep 08, 2022 12:50:22 PM Me

the whole album is 🔥

Sep 08, 2022 12:50:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Spotify

Sep 08, 2022 5:42:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how goes it?

Sep 08, 2022 5:54:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sep 08, 2022 6:00:29 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Who knew folks like hot dog flavored water 🤔🫢

Sep 08, 2022 6:00:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right

Sep 08, 2022 6:13:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

experiencing some triggering moments right now

Sep 08, 2022 6:13:39 PM Me

ugh

Sep 08, 2022 6:22:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

had an interview today, went ok. Moving to next step. And even that bit of progress on a job lead and I still feel this suffering in my heart.

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Sep 08, 2022 6:23:19 PM Me

its so hard to be this close to her, and not have things be “normal” It hurts every day.

Sep 08, 2022 6:23:22 PM Me

that’s all

Sep 08, 2022 6:23:51 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Makes sense

Sep 08, 2022 6:24:24 PM Me

I liken it to having your face “rubbed” in something to teach you a lesson

Sep 08, 2022 6:25:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and it makes you feel shame, guilt, and the heaviest fucking heart you’ve ever had (literally makes me start to hyperventilate)

Sep 08, 2022 6:25:40 PM Me

except its groundhog day, and you experience this pretty much every day

Sep 08, 2022 6:26:59 PM Me

its very hard to generate self-compassion and self-forgiveness when I sit with the effects of my behavior every day.

Sep 08, 2022 6:27:29 PM Me

I feel the need to get deeper into meditation

Sep 08, 2022 6:27:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and at the same time dont want that to become my new way of “escape” from taking things on

Sep 08, 2022 6:31:24 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

There are some silver linings I think. Can you see any?

Sep 08, 2022 6:34:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

beating self compassion and forgiveness into me through the experience of suffering.

Sep 08, 2022 6:35:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

trying to teach me that it’s a “choice” etc

Sep 08, 2022 6:35:53 PM Me

beyond the compassion and suffering on the self, I’m not sure what other lining there is. And if there is one, I’m blind to it

Sep 08, 2022 6:37:31 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

You get to see her Your still at home You spend time with the 2 boys

Sep 08, 2022 6:50:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

true on all accounts

Sep 08, 2022 7:00:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thanks for keeping it real + for perspective

Sep 08, 2022 7:00:54 PM Me

non sequester

Sep 08, 2022 7:01:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sequitur

Sep 08, 2022 7:02:17 PM Me

You ever seen Dall-E?

Sep 08, 2022 7:02:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

OpenAI

Sep 09, 2022 10:36:25 AM Me

Sep 09, 2022 10:38:13 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

And you are the master of your thoughts 💭

Sep 09, 2022 11:36:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yep.

Sep 09, 2022 11:36:56 AM Me

how goes today?

Sep 09, 2022 11:37:03 AM Me

moving or still?

Sep 09, 2022 11:38:50 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Outside it’s overcast and 58 a bit of a drop from 98 yesterday. Inviting in a still state. Alas I am getting stuff done ✅

Sep 09, 2022 11:39:00 AM +13038752587

Need to run something by you

Sep 09, 2022 11:39:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sure.

Sep 09, 2022 11:39:17 AM +13038752587

I’m calling

Sep 09, 2022 11:39:21 AM Me

oh

Sep 09, 2022 1:36:23 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 09, 2022 1:39:50 PM Me

that is awesome

Sep 09, 2022 1:39:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool that you stumbled on that

Sep 09, 2022 1:40:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, I was going to send a reply to Toptal still. It still bugs me that they shared about what they were measuring me against, without telling me. Any how read this text and Let me know what you think.

Sep 09, 2022 1:46:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi Alexandru, I do have one question. "We're looking for excellence in every aspect and a more refined design overall with a more modern design aesthetic and usability to match our current clients’ needs." How would one know your current clients' needs and be able to match the aesthetic and usability? If not shared in a scope document or conversation, you are measuring someone against a yardstick they have no clue about. I liken it to the client who says, "I'll know it when I see it," as their sole piece of creative direction and/or feedback. I have the talent, skills, and experience to chameleon any design aesthetic or design system—this I know because I've lived it. If you asked me for über clean mid-century swiss design—that's what you get. Also, you say if I reapply that I should “please present all case studies in detail guiding us through the methodology used, showing your design process as well presenting the final design solutions.” You must not have looked at my case studies with their lengthy descriptions about the process and methods used for each project, hand sketches, and final wireframes, maps and matrices, duration, medium and my role. Please look again at one of my case studies and tell me what’s missing? https://bertmahoney.com/projects/vehicle-auction-software Have a great weekend. -Bert

Sep 09, 2022 1:48:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going for a walk. Need to decompress

Sep 09, 2022 1:48:28 PM +13038752587

Did you send that?

Sep 09, 2022 1:48:33 PM Me

no

Sep 09, 2022 1:48:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Sep 09, 2022 1:48:43 PM +13038752587

Good 😊

Sep 09, 2022 1:48:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want to tho

Sep 09, 2022 1:48:58 PM +13038752587

I bet

Sep 09, 2022 1:48:59 PM Me

I want to send the bit about my case studies tho

Sep 09, 2022 1:49:10 PM Me

they ask for everything I already have up there

Sep 09, 2022 1:50:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“in detail, guide us thru your methodology, show final designs” WTF are my case studies then? Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Sep 09, 2022 1:50:34 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

I have some suggestions for how to make it obvious it’s there but without a “hello Mcfly”

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Sep 09, 2022 1:51:52 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Enjoy your walk and we can circle back on it when you return

Sep 09, 2022 3:45:10 PM Me

Twitter

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Sep 09, 2022 5:34:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

did you get the website all done?

Sep 09, 2022 5:38:51 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Making some small tweaks

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Sep 09, 2022 5:39:41 PM Me

I’m editing the skills page. When I have a preview ready, could I send it to you for a quick scan and opinion

Sep 09, 2022 5:39:53 PM +13038752587

Yes

Sep 09, 2022 5:39:58 PM Me

Awesome

Sep 10, 2022 11:23:24 AM Me

I don’t like mornings when all I want to do is not be alive. Then to push through another day only to wake up and feel it again. The hope is it won’t show up the next morning. You work hard, don’t fuck around and be incredibly humble. But no matter what there you are. My existence the past 400+ days. Some days the feeling is barely there, others there’s no escaping it all day. The end of life is inevitable and my experience of the past year+ has hardened me in some ways I don’t like. I find myself liking myself less despite working on self love for a year. One can see, I hope, how it looks and feels pointless and hopeless. To not feel joy, happiness, or fun—for even 10 minutes—for year's changes you. I know because it’s where I am. Why the fuck bother if this is the new normal, the new baseline of my life? Being alive feels pointless. Everything feels pointless. I’m sticking around so I won’t destroy others lives, but mine already feels destroyed. So now my purpose in life is to live and suffer silently as I have so that others can live fun, carefree lives? Part of me would have wanted me gone back in 2014 when I nearly drove my minivan off a cliff. I mean if I had no impact on anyone or anything any right now I choose NOT life. I'd rather not feel anything, than to keep feeling like this over and over and over and over. I am venting serious thoughts but I won’t act on them because I’m a coward in addition to being a worthless skin sack of meat and bones. The one person I wish would show ANY empathy compassion or caring shows me nothing but disdain. That hurts more than u can know. No need to reply. I don’t have any other outlet than writing this on paper and throwing it away

Sep 10, 2022 11:49:49 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Reply, I must (a little Yoda humor)

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Sep 10, 2022 11:52:21 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

This is quite (what I mean about quite is it is detailed) a story you are telling yourself about where you are right now. I also hear how you feel.

Sep 10, 2022 11:52:40 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Is it all 100% true?

Sep 10, 2022 11:57:11 AM ⇲ Me

It FEELS 100% true.

Sep 10, 2022 11:56:02 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Side note - you are loved and valued more than you know.

Sep 10, 2022 11:57:52 AM ⇲ Me

I’ve heard that said before, yet it’s hard to find evidence to support it. It’s not like people shout it from the rooftops for me

Sep 10, 2022 11:57:11 AM ⇱ Me

It FEELS 100% true.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2022 11:57:52 AM ⇱ Me

I’ve heard that said before, yet it’s hard to find evidence to support it. It’s not like people shout it from the rooftops for me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2022 11:58:59 AM Me

Also note, I have recently discovered Nuro divergent traits with autism and I realize there are some interpersonal and social cues that I either don’t see or don’t pick up on at all. I wasn’t given the software before booting up

Sep 10, 2022 11:59:57 AM Me

Also note this is not a place or a mindset anybody wants to be stuck in. You want to be free of this. But despite that the power of feeling and beliefs really overrides common sense

Sep 10, 2022 12:02:03 PM +13038752587

Ok my dearest one, my friend, my cousin, I am going to share things I am downloading right now

Sep 10, 2022 12:03:06 PM +13038752587

Pause your mind Don’t reply until I am done Except right now the say “I’m ready”

Sep 10, 2022 12:19:23 PM +13038752587

Well, I’m sure you are ready 😍

Sep 10, 2022 12:19:28 PM +13038752587

You were born perfect You are perfect Nothing is wrong with you. Currently you are viewing your world through distorted lenses. Lenses that you have been wearing for so long that they feel like your eyes. These lenses prevent you from seeing the facts of your life. They prevent you from seeing with clarity about where you can go and what you can do. These lenses only allow you to see what is missing and not what is there. They filter out the good and replace it with lack. It is time to remove theses lenses and wake up to who you really are, to wake up to the wonderful beautiful being you are, to wake up and live. For so long you have placed your value in other people’s hands. Looking for their approval as validation of you. These lenses are very powerful and serve only to keep your light from shining through. It is time to remove and destroy these glasses. It is time to see once again the beauty of yourself. It is time to see that you are the master (creator ) of your fate (life).

Sep 10, 2022 12:21:12 PM Me

Let me digest

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Sep 10, 2022 12:21:21 PM Me

Cooking at moment

Sep 10, 2022 12:41:16 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, sit with it, meditate on it. Reply when you have made a decision about the lenses(glasses).

Sep 10, 2022 12:41:39 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I will be driving in the mountains 🏔 so my response may be delayed.

Sep 10, 2022 5:53:22 PM Me

Being alive hurts every day

Sep 10, 2022 5:53:28 PM Me

Every

Sep 10, 2022 5:53:30 PM Me

Day

Sep 10, 2022 5:54:55 PM +13038752587

So, you have decided to keep the glasses?

Sep 10, 2022 5:56:02 PM Me

I erased a long thing I probably should have sent

Sep 10, 2022 5:58:30 PM Me

I’ve gotten a hi and bye from her today.

Sep 10, 2022 5:58:40 PM Me

I get that and not much else

Sep 10, 2022 5:58:44 PM Me

Every day

Sep 10, 2022 6:00:00 PM Me

I’ll stop bugging u I’m really sorry I dragged u into all my shit

Sep 10, 2022 6:00:45 PM Me

If the rules were flipped I wouldn’t know what to say so don’t worry

Sep 10, 2022 6:06:04 PM Me

Bad mental weather and storms today in the brain

Sep 10, 2022 6:06:51 PM +13038752587

No worries. You can always reach out. Especially on bad mental days.

Sep 10, 2022 8:30:13 PM +13038752587

Sep 10, 2022 9:17:50 PM ⇲ Me

Was this today?

Sep 10, 2022 10:03:17 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

Sep 10, 2022 10:03:19 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

At the carousel 🎠 of happiness

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Sep 10, 2022 8:30:32 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 10, 2022 9:17:50 PM ⇱ Me

Was this today?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2022 9:31:42 PM Me

Sep 10, 2022 10:03:17 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2022 10:03:19 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

At the carousel 🎠 of happiness

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 11, 2022 10:53:33 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 11, 2022 11:56:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m sorry to send this, but if I don’t it will only live in my head. Sadly, my depression is back—I have to face it head on. I’ve had over a week of every day being mentally hard to get thru. Waking up directly in a depressed mental state (I know when I’m in it). Lots of spontaneous crying and an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness. I’m not doing ok as it repeats every day. I know its joblessness and my relationship making me feel this way, with a combination of rumination and self-hatred that doesn’t allow me to take the boot off my own neck. The ego clinging to cultural standards and norms I’m not upholding or living up to, or just plain failing at it. I know its ego and cultural ‘norms’ that have me feeling this way through comparing myself to others and “what’s expected.” The ego and its ability to lie and trick you is powerful. I’ve been working on my connection to ego and lessen its grip, but its fighting back for its existence—or that’s what it feels like. I’m ignored, overlooked, and not spoken to by the woman I love and it feels permanent—no going back—and the idea of never reconciling and making up makes me not want to continue existing. I’ve never felt such deep failure in my life. I’ll never be the same again, and don’t know if I’ll ever TRULY feel happiness or bliss ever again. I’m tired of life. —— I know that after I send this I will start to feel better. It happens every time I send a text like this to you. I think its because I’ve shared it outside my skull sized kingdom and at least one person knows what’s going on in my head besides me.

Sep 11, 2022 11:57:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would like to feel happiness, if only for 10 minutes, so I know its possible. Like I said I haven’t felt happy is years and I know this is a large contributing factor to my state of mind.

Sep 11, 2022 11:58:23 AM Me

No need to reply, like I said I just need to get it out of my head so someone else reads/hears it.

Sep 11, 2022 12:03:29 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

What terrific insight!!

Sep 11, 2022 12:03:58 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

I sense your depression has you seeing only the worst outcomes.

Sep 11, 2022 12:04:16 PM Me

that is all I ever see and feel

Sep 11, 2022 12:04:35 PM Me

I’m conditioned to think that way since before I knew I was thinking

Sep 11, 2022 12:06:53 PM Me

Honestly, I’m just bone-marrow-deep tired of living depressed every day, after day, after day.

Sep 11, 2022 12:08:47 PM +13038752587

One thing that stood out is “I’m ignored, overlooked… no going back…never reconcile” The facts don’t support this from my vantage point. You are right though there is no going back, but there is moving forward. There is hope for a brighter tomorrow. Keep the faith.

Sep 11, 2022 12:09:53 PM Me

When it feels like its never ending is when I question the idea of living — the mental and emotional suffereing is something I cannot describe in words. Language fails me.

Sep 11, 2022 12:10:44 PM Me

Shameful Failure

Sep 11, 2022 12:10:53 PM Me

I want a t-shirt with that on it

Sep 11, 2022 12:11:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

two words that most sum up how it feels to be me every day, after day, after day

Sep 11, 2022 12:17:36 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Design it. Put all your feelings of shame and failure into the design. So when I see the design I can feel it.

Sep 11, 2022 12:12:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s a hard place to see positivity and light from. I know because I’ve been here for a while. I get glimpses of life not like this, but its fleeting

Sep 11, 2022 12:15:01 PM +13038752587

Two things stood out for me as steps to take 1. Get a job, any job while you search for the ideal job. 2. Be patient with your relationship. The rift took many years to form . It was not a singular event. You are not responsible for all of it. So you can’t resolve all of it. Oh yeah stop reading into everything she does or doesn’t do.

Sep 11, 2022 12:17:36 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Design it. Put all your feelings of shame and failure into the design. So when I see the design I can feel it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 11, 2022 12:18:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oh, and with the resurgence of depression comes suicidal ideation. I had that come up the past couple of days and its not easy to share because I know it scares people. When you are in the pit, it's hard NOT to see that as viable only because it puts an end to ones suffering. However, it ends for you, but you pass the suffering burden you were carrying on to those close to you. That is a cruel and selfish act I could not do to others. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel what I’m feeling.

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Sep 11, 2022 12:18:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its my depression to bear, and no one else

Sep 11, 2022 12:19:11 PM Me

well, except for you reading my text messages 😊

Sep 11, 2022 12:20:43 PM Me

Depression lies to you when you’re in the middle of it. Someone told me that recently and its what I remind myself of when I’m underwater and drowning in depression

Sep 11, 2022 12:21:07 PM +13038752587

Always continue to send me messages

Sep 11, 2022 12:21:27 PM Me

So I don’t take everything I think as unrefutable fact

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Sep 11, 2022 12:22:32 PM Me

k, going outside to walk. hopefully not be as depressed afterwards

Sep 11, 2022 12:23:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been up for 4 hours doing nothing but ruminating in my head

Sep 11, 2022 12:23:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this past week has been particularly hard

Sep 11, 2022 12:23:55 PM +13038752587

Find a place you can walk barefoot and feel the ground beneath our feet.

Sep 11, 2022 12:24:01 PM Me

k

Sep 11, 2022 12:32:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one last insight before I walk

Sep 11, 2022 12:32:48 PM Me

High-functioning depression for a few years now It masks that anything awful is going on but makes others think ur ok Slogging thru things provides a momentary distraction with the hope that tomorrow will be better, but it simply makes the suffering deepen and/or worsen

Sep 11, 2022 12:34:33 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

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Sep 11, 2022 12:59:41 PM Me

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This shows up today

Sep 11, 2022 5:36:28 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 35 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 11, 2022 5:36:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 11, 2022 5:36:56 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 11, 2022 5:37:27 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

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Sep 11, 2022 7:12:30 PM Me

Love the pics

Sep 11, 2022 8:52:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

speaking of pics, which of these do you like better for my site?

￼

Sep 12, 2022 8:57:41 AM Me

Happy Monday! Terrible start to the day. Tears and sadness. Here we go again… survive another day so I can go to sleep and not be conscious and suffer

Sep 12, 2022 9:06:50 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Second picture

Sep 12, 2022 9:07:15 AM Me

It’s massively discouraging and disappointing to wake up and be underwater every day Something has to change soon. I HATE MY LIFE AND DAILY EXISTENCE OF WORTHLESSNESS. I’m liability with a negative 40 thousand dollar hole I’m in with no retirement savings. I’m a loser baby, so why don’t ya kill me

Sep 12, 2022 9:07:45 AM Me

“LOSER” is my anthem

Sep 12, 2022 9:12:20 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

You have to start telling yourself a new story.

Sep 12, 2022 9:13:09 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

What’s one thing you can do today that moves in the direction you want to go?

Sep 12, 2022 9:15:59 AM Me

I’m emailing a few people who may have some extra work, and then going into town and look for help wanted signs. To me this is like admitting defeat, that I can’t “hang” with others that are in my profession

Sep 12, 2022 9:16:13 AM Me

Not good enough

Sep 12, 2022 9:17:05 AM Me

Those 3 words are burned into my brain. I hear it in my fathers voice in my head for christs sake

Sep 12, 2022 9:18:45 AM Me

It’s ALWAYS been there. And I felt as though my whole life I’ve kept myself just ahead of the line of “not good enough,” but I’m way behind the line now psychologically

Sep 12, 2022 9:19:18 AM Me

Anyhow, time to go meditate and do my best to empty the head for a short while

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Sep 12, 2022 3:11:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. Forgot to wish you a Happy Birthday!

Sep 12, 2022 3:12:24 PM +13038752587

Thank you

Sep 12, 2022 3:12:25 PM Me

Happy Birthday 🎂🎊🎈
Sent with Balloons

Sep 12, 2022 3:13:54 PM Me

imagine you have a birthday spectacular planned

Sep 12, 2022 3:15:16 PM +13038752587

No mellow- had a dinner with Tree Don and Meme yesterday. It was perfect. Although a little too much wine 🍷

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Sep 12, 2022 6:21:36 PM Me

applied to 13 more opps. Sent emails to local people who may be able to connect me to work, drove into town looking for “help wanted” but weirdly is was raining insanely and had to get the car back for Liz I’m mentally exhausted. Honestly could probably fall asleep if I let myself. Mentally still feeling like crap

Sep 12, 2022 6:24:52 PM Me

and physically I dont feel well. Not sick, like cold or flu, its something else I cant quite explain—just dont feel like myself

Sep 12, 2022 6:31:19 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

Good work today

Sep 12, 2022 6:32:06 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Go to bed early tonight - put headphones in and listen to some sleep tunes

Sep 12, 2022 6:32:25 PM +13038752587

Drink some water 💦

Sep 12, 2022 6:39:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K. I’m just super discouraged and depressed, and BROKE. Getting super dark vibes from Liz about not working on top of the usual silent treatment. It adds to my already Everest height of stress.

Sep 12, 2022 6:40:43 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Actually I need to shift gears and work on my own site a bit tonight. My Adobe subscription ran out and I can’t pay for more, so need to work fast before I can’t use any apps.

Sep 12, 2022 7:44:03 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Keep the faith. You will find work.

Sep 12, 2022 7:45:09 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Unless Liz says something to you don’t read into anything. Looks, sighs or vibes. Deal?

Sep 12, 2022 7:45:19 PM Me

ok

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Sep 12, 2022 7:45:39 PM Me

this is genius

Sep 12, 2022 7:45:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Sep 12, 2022 7:46:01 PM Me

dude show you how to find jobs on all the job hosting sites using google

Sep 12, 2022 7:46:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BRILLIANT

Sep 12, 2022 7:47:26 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 34 seconds) +13038752587

That’s cool

Sep 13, 2022 11:53:02 AM Me

How is Tuesday?

Sep 13, 2022 1:06:54 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 47 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Good / had my knees checked. Same diagnosis- PT - keep muscle strong

Sep 13, 2022 1:07:03 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 46 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

How about yours

Sep 13, 2022 3:54:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

11 more apps out the door today, working on resume tweaks, and some site tweaks

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Sep 13, 2022 3:54:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Google + YouTube among todays submissions

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Sep 13, 2022 3:55:17 PM Me

1 google opportunity was looking for 15+ years experience. Dont see that a lot and hoping I get a reply

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Sep 13, 2022 4:59:04 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 14, 2022 12:36:58 PM +13038752587

Hello

Sep 14, 2022 12:37:34 PM +13038752587

Thoughts 💭 about filezilla pro? Good buy or not

Sep 14, 2022 12:37:35 PM Me

hi

Sep 14, 2022 12:37:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

u need FTP client?

Sep 14, 2022 12:38:09 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I have ftp acces only protocol is WebDAV

Sep 14, 2022 12:38:17 PM Me

oh

Sep 14, 2022 12:38:58 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

It’s only 20 - but if I don’t need it that’s cool too

Sep 14, 2022 12:41:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have Transmit, and I’ve had it since the early 00’s Its rated the best FTP client for macOS and it does WebDav “Transmit now connects to 11 new cloud services, like Backblaze B2, Box, Google Drive, DreamObjects, Dropbox, Microsoft Azure, and Rackspace Cloud Files. And yes, Transmit still handles the classics — FTP, SFTP, WebDAV, and S3 — better than any. We make complex services drag-and-drop simple” You can try it before you buy it:

Sep 14, 2022 12:41:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://panic.com/transmit

Sep 14, 2022 12:41:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its $34, but IMO well worth it. Lets you get into anything

Sep 14, 2022 12:42:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool, while on their site I saw this and didn’t even know I had it:

Sep 14, 2022 12:42:05 PM Me

https://panic.com/sync/

Sep 14, 2022 12:42:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Panic is a solid software company

Sep 14, 2022 12:42:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Slant

Sep 14, 2022 12:44:33 PM Me

spent all morning meditating and using tools to try and loosen up my neck. Over the past month I’ve started to develop bad neck / upper back tightness and nerve pinching. Stress, poor sleep, etc.

Sep 14, 2022 12:45:34 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Can I use your license code after the 7 days

Sep 14, 2022 12:45:45 PM Me

I think so

Sep 14, 2022 12:45:48 PM Me

you can try

Sep 14, 2022 12:45:59 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Can you email it to me

Sep 14, 2022 12:46:08 PM Me

sure

Sep 14, 2022 12:46:28 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Installing T5 now

Sep 14, 2022 12:46:33 PM Me

k

Sep 14, 2022 12:52:28 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Can’t use it my os is too old

Sep 14, 2022 12:52:38 PM Me

ouch

Sep 14, 2022 1:10:25 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Who new I can access the server directly through finder

Sep 14, 2022 1:10:35 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

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Sep 14, 2022 1:12:15 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Did you know that? Is it the same as ftp

Sep 14, 2022 1:12:27 PM Me

no

Sep 14, 2022 1:12:51 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I realized that’s two questions

Sep 14, 2022 1:13:02 PM +13038752587

Is it no to both

Sep 14, 2022 1:13:08 PM Me

no to first

Sep 14, 2022 1:13:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its is the same, you’re just doing it thru OS

Sep 14, 2022 1:13:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool

Sep 14, 2022 1:13:47 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Keep learning new things

Sep 14, 2022 1:13:53 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Sep 14, 2022 11:14:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

emailed you my new designed resume. It has an image of me on it. Take a look and Let me know what you think.

Sep 15, 2022 10:31:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hola

Sep 15, 2022 10:31:42 AM Me

how is the morning going?

Sep 15, 2022 10:31:55 AM Me

did you happen to see my note about the resume?

Sep 15, 2022 10:56:14 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Good - had some folks look at the place to rent this morning. Nice young couple. Doing some logistics but they will most likely move in.

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Sep 15, 2022 10:56:18 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

October

Sep 15, 2022 10:56:26 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Go go go time

Sep 15, 2022 10:56:39 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

How about you?

Sep 15, 2022 10:57:08 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

I will review this morning and get back to you by 12

Sep 15, 2022 12:03:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going ok I guess. I keep sending things out, and get little engagement. Think I’m feeling the ageism I guess I have more experience than managers who would be above me — hence they dont want to bring someone like me in

Sep 15, 2022 12:03:15 PM Me

sucks

Sep 15, 2022 12:22:14 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Interesting story

Sep 15, 2022 12:22:23 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

I’m calling about resume

Sep 15, 2022 12:25:13 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Went to VM - call me when you can I have intel from listening to 2 hours of questions with recruiters yesterday for Meta

Sep 15, 2022 12:46:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hi there, running errands in town. Back in about 30 mins. I can ping when back, that work?

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Sep 15, 2022 2:38:35 PM Me

Hey I’m back

Sep 15, 2022 2:43:28 PM Me

ping me to let me know when your free

Sep 15, 2022 3:27:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hola, you fall off earth?

Sep 15, 2022 3:27:43 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Give me 10 and I’ll call

Sep 15, 2022 4:07:44 PM +13038752587

Just tried to call

Sep 15, 2022 4:07:53 PM Me

Oh

Sep 15, 2022 4:08:33 PM Me

Ready

Sep 15, 2022 4:08:42 PM Me

Phone was in mindfulness mode

Sep 15, 2022 7:50:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there

Sep 15, 2022 7:50:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just finished redesign, and want to send to you for second set of eyes

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Sep 15, 2022 8:01:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, its all set. Emailing. Clink on links in header, and email address, also button bottom left

Sep 15, 2022 8:06:12 PM Me

sent

Sep 15, 2022 10:53:34 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Email will not send

Sep 15, 2022 10:53:46 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

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Sep 16, 2022 1:16:13 PM Me

how goes friday?

Sep 16, 2022 1:16:19 PM Me

btw I did get your email this morning

Sep 16, 2022 1:17:30 PM Me

have spent 3 hours this morning trying to get into Sallies PC. She forgot her login password. Have had to create a backup of all her files, fry the drive, and restore to factory settings.

Sep 16, 2022 1:17:39 PM Me

Its doing the restore to factory right now.

Sep 16, 2022 3:00:00 PM Me

my mind is drifting today. been largely ok without too much dark thinking past two days. Now the brain says “wait, I’ve not made you feel bad the past 48 hours, time to ramp up” So that’s my entry to this weekend.

Sep 16, 2022 3:01:26 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Say… “Fuck that” I am in control and I’m going to flood you with positveness

Sep 16, 2022 3:01:52 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

That is a better start to the weekend

Sep 16, 2022 3:50:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Sep 16, 2022 4:30:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just got REALLY dizzy in a weird way. Just out of no where while sitting here applying to jobs.

Sep 16, 2022 4:30:49 PM Me

think it might be a HARD CORE panic attack

Sep 16, 2022 4:31:01 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

No - it’s not

Sep 16, 2022 4:31:15 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

It’s allergies 🤧

Sep 16, 2022 4:31:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

allergic to stress 😊

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Sep 16, 2022 4:31:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I get that sometimes

Sep 16, 2022 4:32:50 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Usually caused by sinuses, allergies, change in weather and/ or my c1 needs to be adjusted

Sep 16, 2022 4:33:06 PM Me

c1 is it

Sep 16, 2022 4:33:18 PM Me

I’m all cranked in a seat in front of computer

Sep 16, 2022 4:33:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

neck has been killing me for days

Sep 16, 2022 4:33:53 PM +13038752587

Do you have a affordable chiropractic or

Sep 16, 2022 4:34:04 PM Me

when I press on my neck muscles the ripples it send thru my body make me cry

Sep 16, 2022 4:34:28 PM Me

our chiro left town

Sep 16, 2022 4:34:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

moved into sierras

Sep 16, 2022 4:34:44 PM Me

she was a Jedi Chiro

Sep 16, 2022 4:34:50 PM Me

the force was strong with her

Sep 17, 2022 12:15:11 AM Me

Sep 17, 2022 12:22:04 AM Me

11 minutes. Opens the heart.

Sep 17, 2022 12:22:07 AM Me

https://insig.ht/AWM50ffcotb

Sep 17, 2022 9:15:00 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 5 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

I give a listen to it

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Sep 18, 2022 5:07:16 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

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Sep 19, 2022 11:29:49 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 29 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

What’s your name and account number for Wells Fargo? Sending you money 💰

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Sep 19, 2022 1:00:17 PM Me

Just got out of the deep meditation and headed back up to the computer. I will send you the info ASAP

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Sep 19, 2022 1:00:27 PM Me

How is your Monday?

Sep 19, 2022 1:03:54 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Good

Sep 19, 2022 1:04:01 PM (Read by you after 53 seconds) +13038752587

Getting on a call

Sep 19, 2022 1:04:09 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll reach out after

Sep 19, 2022 2:16:47 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 52 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Calling

Sep 19, 2022 2:18:57 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 50 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Went through to voicemail - call me back

Sep 19, 2022 9:10:10 PM Me

Hi, sorry I missed you. Today was a delayed start. Just wrapping up now.

Sep 20, 2022 10:04:45 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I worries

Sep 20, 2022 10:05:02 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

You avail to do some work?

Sep 20, 2022 10:17:51 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Yes

Sep 20, 2022 10:17:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Doing my morning Ventura run with Declan for college and will be back home about 1 o’clock

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Sep 20, 2022 12:06:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Lots more rejection from companies. Working on updates to website this week hoping they’ll help. Mostly streamlining and editing copy

Sep 20, 2022 12:40:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

At a stoplight in Ventura today

Sep 20, 2022 1:08:59 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 50 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Nice

Sep 20, 2022 2:33:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

You home

Sep 20, 2022 2:38:37 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Left you a voicemail

Sep 20, 2022 3:59:20 PM Me

Just back. Let me get setup

Sep 20, 2022 4:01:37 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Sep 20, 2022 4:15:02 PM Me

Ok

Sep 20, 2022 4:15:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What’s your preferred way to connect?

Sep 20, 2022 4:15:22 PM Me

Do you need to share a screen with me?

Sep 20, 2022 4:18:36 PM +13038752587

No

Sep 20, 2022 4:18:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

We can talk it through

Sep 20, 2022 4:18:55 PM +13038752587

Pretty straight forward

Sep 20, 2022 4:18:56 PM Me

K

Sep 20, 2022 4:20:30 PM Me

Sorry I thought

Sep 20, 2022 4:20:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That I answered

Sep 20, 2022 4:37:38 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sep 21, 2022 8:40:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s never felt more certain that Liz is done with me. Has said only hi to me this entire week. It’s that or she has the best “wall” put up between 2 people I’ve ever known. Attrition? Is that’s what’s going on? Make me feel so rejected that I just go away? Im confused, mistreated, tired, frustrated, unemployed, broke, and miserable In some ways going to Kona is like rubbing it all in my face “Here’s what you gave up your wife and family for…” Been thinking about not going as it might be too emotional 🖤 for me, but then I’m just massively confused 🫤

Sep 21, 2022 9:36:36 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 47 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

These are understandable feelings and stories. Now, look at the facts. - You are living in the same house with your family - Your wife still speaks to you (which is an acknowledgment of you) - You get is be around the boys daily - You are going to Kona as a family - Liz has her game face on for Kona

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Sep 21, 2022 9:37:07 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 47 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Straight talk - ready (my opinion)

Sep 21, 2022 9:49:56 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Right now is not the time to make it about you! Support your wife with this quest! You will get a job and your finances will turn around! Go to Kona and do whatever is needed to support the quest! Be vigilant with the depression matrix. Stop making up negative stories about the future! Throw down the glasses that are distorting your world and smash the shit out of them. (Really this could be good therapy - find an old pair of glasses or Sun glasses, label them (write on them) with all the filters you want to destroy (I’m not good enough, depression, confusion, Tired, broke, mistreated and whatever resonates. (This could be a piece of paper attached to the lenses). Then find a place you can unleash the wrath of your feelings and stomp the mother fucking shit out of the glasses!!!

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Sep 21, 2022 11:25:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good idea on 👓

Sep 21, 2022 11:25:41 AM Me

I hear u

Sep 21, 2022 11:25:59 AM Me

I’m back from my mile walk and a good 20 minute meditation

Sep 21, 2022 11:26:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mind is better

Sep 21, 2022 11:26:30 AM Me

It’s clear to me

Sep 21, 2022 1:56:10 PM (Read by them after 52 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

Decent day of job hunting. 6 interview requests: Cybercoders (recruiter) Mobiquity Mathys& Potestio Hatch Learning Solomon Page (recruiter) and Amazon! 2 meets tomorrow, First Amazon interview is on Monday.

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Sep 21, 2022 1:56:45 PM (Read by them after 52 minutes, 5 seconds) Me

Finally feels like getting some traction

Sep 21, 2022 2:01:32 PM (Read by them after 47 minutes, 18 seconds) Me

Twitter

Sep 21, 2022 2:14:51 PM (Read by them after 33 minutes, 59 seconds) Me

Also, 5 more applications out. Numbers so far: 162 — applied to 35 — replied No (21%) 13 — replied for interview (8%) 114 — nothing heard yet

Sep 21, 2022 3:03:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://labs.openai.com/

Sep 21, 2022 3:08:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

the link is to this

Sep 21, 2022 3:09:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 21, 2022 3:09:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sep 21, 2022 3:09:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 21, 2022 3:10:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 21, 2022 3:11:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 21, 2022 3:13:03 PM Me

prompt for the ai: high resolution image of a couple on a beach watching the sunset in the south pacific on their honeymoon

Sep 21, 2022 3:13:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 21, 2022 3:13:15 PM Me

that’s what I got back

Sep 21, 2022 3:14:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 21, 2022 3:14:15 PM Me

Let me know what you think.

Sep 21, 2022 4:28:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Have the Tahiti page Cloned. Waiting for copy

Sep 21, 2022 4:28:29 PM Me

Beyond Bora Bora

Sep 21, 2022 4:40:06 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 45 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Sep 21, 2022 4:41:19 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 44 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

First fox 🦊 maybe. Reminds me at Tom and jerry

Sep 21, 2022 11:39:07 PM Me

Sep 22, 2022 10:15:20 AM Me

1 of 4 interviews done today. First one went well, talked for an hour

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Sep 22, 2022 11:02:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Second interview complete. Also good talk. Only 30 mins and always feels like not enough time

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Sep 22, 2022 11:02:34 AM Me

First was Mathys&Potestio:

Sep 22, 2022 11:02:37 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Mathys+Potestio

Sep 22, 2022 11:03:06 AM Me

Second was with Solomon Page staffing:

Sep 22, 2022 11:03:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Staffing Solutions & Executive Search

Sep 22, 2022 11:03:34 AM Me

need a brain break

Sep 22, 2022 11:44:54 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 45 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Sep 22, 2022 1:32:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just off 3rd call. It’s a prep-call for next one—video call with mgrs/team. These guys are like A+L but MUCH bigger (1,000+ employees) Again call went really well (I’m good with ppl on these kinds of things, I guess I interview well). This would be a great gig. They’re flexible on hiring (Freelance, contract, or contract-2-FT)

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Sep 22, 2022 1:32:35 PM Me

https://www.mobiquity.com/

Sep 22, 2022 1:32:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 22, 2022 1:33:09 PM Me

They also have a parent company called Hexaware:

Sep 22, 2022 1:33:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hexaware |

Sep 22, 2022 1:33:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mobiquity is their digital products “arm”

Sep 22, 2022 4:17:22 PM Me

Wow. 4th interview went really well. I spoke with Product Manager + they are looking for someone to come in and take over the design side of their application. I interview with the VP of Product next. From there they make an offer or pass.

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Sep 22, 2022 4:17:23 PM Me

https://www.hatchearlylearning.com/

Sep 22, 2022 4:17:23 PM Me

Sep 22, 2022 4:17:29 PM Me

Good day of interviews

Sep 22, 2022 4:17:58 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Awesomeness

Sep 22, 2022 8:27:31 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 57 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 22, 2022 8:27:56 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 57 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

A fire for the solstice and a bit of journey background from the high school football game.

Sep 22, 2022 8:28:08 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 56 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

They followed it up with Kanye

Sep 22, 2022 10:25:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wait is that still your house?

Sep 23, 2022 7:51:12 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Sep 23, 2022 7:51:32 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Here until the end of the month

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Sep 23, 2022 11:58:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how goes the Friday?

Sep 23, 2022 11:58:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, not sure I’ve seen the $$$ hit the bank

Sep 23, 2022 11:59:18 AM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

You have not - car timing with one car - going over there today

Sep 23, 2022 11:59:30 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll text when it s done

Sep 23, 2022 11:59:47 AM Me

cool, just making sure

Sep 23, 2022 12:00:30 PM Me

in oxnard at starbucks waiting for Sallie to get out of Surgery. Getting a stent put into her arm so she can easily get dialysis.

Sep 23, 2022 12:01:24 PM Me

trying to work, but its hard. Really tired from yesterday. Being “UP” and “ON” for 4+ hours. First time I’ve had to do that in nearly 2 years. Big headache this morning

Sep 23, 2022 12:44:46 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Relax a bit today. Lots of good progress yesterday. Do some work when you get home

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Sep 23, 2022 12:45:03 PM +13038752587

0465718633

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Sep 23, 2022 12:45:19 PM Me

What’s the number?

Sep 23, 2022 12:45:19 PM +13038752587

Verifying account number?

Sep 23, 2022 12:45:36 PM +13038752587

On my way to bank

Sep 23, 2022 12:45:51 PM Me

Not near check book I have to look it up in the app so hold on

Sep 23, 2022 12:46:03 PM +13038752587

Ok

Sep 23, 2022 12:46:39 PM Me

Yep, that’s right

Sep 23, 2022 12:46:56 PM Me

Picking up Sallie now

Sep 23, 2022 12:46:57 PM +13038752587

?

Sep 23, 2022 12:47:09 PM +13038752587

Gotcha

Sep 23, 2022 12:47:11 PM +13038752587

Thanks

Sep 23, 2022 12:47:24 PM +13038752587

Say hello

Sep 23, 2022 12:47:32 PM Me

Will do!

Sep 23, 2022 1:22:25 PM +13038752587

Deposit made

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Sep 24, 2022 1:14:58 PM Me

Happy Saturday!

Sep 24, 2022 3:07:16 PM +13038752587

Celebrating Willows bday early

Sep 24, 2022 3:07:43 PM +13038752587

Sep 24, 2022 3:08:04 PM +13038752587

Sep 24, 2022 3:08:05 PM +13038752587

Utility box

Sep 26, 2022 10:51:20 AM Me

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It’s Monday, and the streak is still going. Over 4 months 🧘‍♂️

Sep 26, 2022 10:55:56 AM Me

Instagram

Sep 26, 2022 10:56:40 AM Me

Ever heard of yung Pueblo? He’s on insta and has a book. Lots of Great insights

Sep 26, 2022 11:42:00 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

No - like the insight- it’s expands on Rumi’s statement about marriage

Sep 26, 2022 11:45:41 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

About how marriage is an acceptance of each other, it creates a place for each person to expand who they are.

Sep 26, 2022 11:46:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Amazon interview @ top of the hour

Sep 26, 2022 12:50:36 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet

Sep 26, 2022 12:53:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just out of first call with Amazon. Essentially a prep call for Wednesdays interview. They have FOUR rounds of interviews. The process is lengthy and thorough

Sep 26, 2022 5:41:06 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 26, 2022 5:44:21 PM ⇲ Me

I’ve done plenty of tap dancing in the rain the past 18 months, and before that wasn’t so great either so I’m well-versed in this arena 😁

Sep 26, 2022 5:44:47 PM ⇲ Me

Question for you, do you happen to know anyone who has been through the Amazon recruiting process and works at Amazon now or in the past

Sep 26, 2022 5:45:53 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Not off the top of my head

Sep 26, 2022 5:46:03 PM ⇲ Me

No prob

Sep 26, 2022 5:46:26 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Did you do a Google search about the process

Sep 26, 2022 5:47:51 PM ⇲ Me

Not yet. I’m going to. The woman I spoke with today said there are videos on YouTube about the whole process and about questions that they ask. They definitely have a very planned out and somewhat methodical process. I am really curious if it’s partly attrition. Meaning people just drop off because it’s a lot to do to get a job

Sep 26, 2022 5:48:18 PM ⇲ Me

When all is said and done I think it will be for interviews with seven or eight people

Sep 26, 2022 5:49:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Cool - let me know how the videos are -

Sep 26, 2022 5:44:21 PM ⇱ Me

I’ve done plenty of tap dancing in the rain the past 18 months, and before that wasn’t so great either so I’m well-versed in this arena 😁
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 26, 2022 5:44:47 PM ⇱ Me

Question for you, do you happen to know anyone who has been through the Amazon recruiting process and works at Amazon now or in the past
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 26, 2022 5:45:53 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Not off the top of my head
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 26, 2022 5:46:03 PM ⇱ Me

No prob
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 26, 2022 5:46:26 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Did you do a Google search about the process
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 26, 2022 5:47:51 PM ⇱ Me

Not yet. I’m going to. The woman I spoke with today said there are videos on YouTube about the whole process and about questions that they ask. They definitely have a very planned out and somewhat methodical process. I am really curious if it’s partly attrition. Meaning people just drop off because it’s a lot to do to get a job
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 26, 2022 5:48:18 PM ⇱ Me

When all is said and done I think it will be for interviews with seven or eight people
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 26, 2022 5:49:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Cool - let me know how the videos are -
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 26, 2022 7:24:57 PM Me

Potentially crappy news. The guy who was going to housesit for us came by today to meet the dogs and our new dog did not like him. She growled she snapped, it wasn’t good. So unless we can find an alternative looks like I’ll be staying here while everyone else goes to IRONMAN I’m not mad in the slightest bit, rather it’s typical for my life to unfold like that so I’m not really surprised mad or anything. I am hopeful the universe will find a way for me to go. I’ve already nearly sacrificed my marriage for this endeavor, it would suck not to see the crowning glory before he potentially could all go up in flames.

Sep 26, 2022 7:25:07 PM Me

Hope you had a good Monday!

Sep 26, 2022 7:42:47 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Change your thoughts and actions. You are going. You will find someone to watch the dogs.

Sep 26, 2022 7:53:50 PM Me

I realize that. Just getting automatic thoughts out. What was noticeably different was that I was not triggered at all. And that is certainly something that would’ve sent me off into clear anxiety and frustration before

Sep 26, 2022 7:54:03 PM Me

That’s why I mentioned I wasn’t mad or anything, because I am very surprised at how I feel after hearing all that

Sep 26, 2022 7:54:28 PM Me

Sep 26, 2022 8:00:01 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

You have shifted - that’s great 😃 and you are aware of it all

Sep 26, 2022 8:04:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

completely. In fact I didn’t have to “stop” myself and consciously make the switch, aka—very deliberately. It just happened automatically without thought

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Sep 26, 2022 8:04:36 PM Me

but I was aware of the difference, that’s what made me go WOW

Sep 26, 2022 8:05:33 PM Me

oh, check this site out. They will help you negotiate, for a fee 😊

Sep 26, 2022 8:05:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://levels.fyi/services

Sep 26, 2022 8:09:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I did find out that an “L6” design role at Amazon gets paid fairly well. Here are senior level designers at Amazon:

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Sep 26, 2022 8:09:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Levels.fyi

Sep 26, 2022 8:38:47 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

that range is huge

Sep 26, 2022 8:45:53 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Did you watch the YouTube videos about the process

Sep 26, 2022 8:48:59 PM Me

not yet

Sep 26, 2022 8:49:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

reading from ppl who have had the UX interview here:

Sep 26, 2022 8:49:30 PM Me

Glassdoor

Sep 26, 2022 8:49:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Lots of people saying “difficult” and “negative” experience

Sep 26, 2022 9:01:39 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Well they must not be in the 5% (reference to the strangest secret) and have your level of experience 😀

Sep 26, 2022 9:02:22 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

So set your mind to it and let your expert status shine

Sep 26, 2022 9:03:01 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 51 seconds) +13038752587

You got it if you want it

Sep 26, 2022 9:03:36 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Step one complete Next up step two

Sep 26, 2022 9:04:41 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

I would check out the YT vids the recruiter mentioned

Sep 26, 2022 9:05:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Sep 28, 2022 8:58:58 AM Me

Super nervous today. Have my 2nd interview at noon

Sep 28, 2022 9:03:26 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

You are going to do great

Sep 28, 2022 9:04:19 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

This video above is the final interview prep right?

Sep 28, 2022 10:26:48 AM Me

No it for whole process

Sep 28, 2022 10:27:40 AM Me

I am reviewing how to answer questions in STAR format. It’s something they want when you answer questions. Give the situation the task the action you took in the result. It’s so you don’t go on rambling about 10 projects and stay focused on the one.

Sep 28, 2022 10:28:10 AM Me

Their questions are behavioral-based. They ask you questions that align with their 14 leadership principles and in those questions they’re looking for how you behaved or responded to a situation.

Sep 28, 2022 10:28:45 AM Me

In my meeting on Monday they said it’s a good idea to come up with stories, examples you can use in your interview of things projects and things that happened to you. The thing for me is I have so many it’s hard for one to come to mind.

Sep 28, 2022 10:29:20 AM Me

I just have this idea that I’m gonna stutter stumble and do a lot of ”aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh”

Sep 28, 2022 10:30:12 AM Me

This whole time for through all the interviews and this whole process I’m fighting against myself. There’s a part of me that doesn’t think I’m good enough for anything so, I have to deal with that self-doubt and try to project confidence. That’s really fucking hard to do

Sep 28, 2022 10:31:01 AM +13038752587

Practice time format and you will be able to apply it in the spot

Sep 28, 2022 10:31:04 AM +13038752587

Think about stories from coaching

Sep 28, 2022 10:31:51 AM +13038752587

I have something for you to try

Sep 28, 2022 10:32:00 AM +13038752587

Just learned it

Sep 28, 2022 10:33:41 AM +13038752587

Calling

Sep 28, 2022 10:38:05 AM Me

I’m just getting out of the shower I’m not in a spot to answer

Sep 28, 2022 10:38:21 AM +13038752587

Left you a short voicemail. Give a quick listening asap. I’m on a call for the next 1hr

Sep 28, 2022 10:38:38 AM Me

K

Sep 28, 2022 11:10:07 AM Me

Sep 28, 2022 1:51:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My call is done. I felt like I answered the questions well. And I certainly asked him a lot of questions. However, I didn’t get a good feeling at the end of the call. My gut tells me that was it, now wait for the HR email that says, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Sep 28, 2022 1:54:05 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Switch your thought 💭 to it went amazingly well and they will be reaching out to schedule the next round

Sep 28, 2022 1:54:18 PM Me

😊

Sep 28, 2022 1:54:30 PM Me

brain is badly conditioned to go negative

Sep 28, 2022 1:54:44 PM Me

been that way as long as I can remember back as a little kid

Sep 28, 2022 1:57:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

It’s a deep canyon that needs to be flooded with positive thoughts forming a new river

Sep 28, 2022 3:13:54 PM Me

I keep thinking back to how I answered a question about managing people. I was honest, but I think it wasn’t what they wanted to hear. Have to let it go.

Sep 28, 2022 4:55:04 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - let it go. Did you talk about being a coach?

Sep 28, 2022 4:55:33 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Or did that not come into play?

Sep 28, 2022 5:35:11 PM Me

Not come into play. It was more a question about the future. It seemed to me like they were asking if I would like to manage people in the future, but I replied that I much prefer the craft of doing the work and helping clients rather than managing people who are doing that work

Sep 28, 2022 5:36:23 PM Me

I was clear about it, but I think it’s going to kill me because I wasn’t thinking about junior designers that might be on the team. I haven’t been in a corporate environment like there’s ever, they are so big they need a lot of structure so it makes sense that there is a hierarchy, so if I come in as a senior designer there are designers and then junior designers even below them.

Sep 28, 2022 5:38:43 PM Me

Not sure if any of that makes sense anyway, I am back in front of the computer right now going to review things, i’ve already done follow ups with everyone I’ve met with and have an active connection to, maybe work on my site a bit. I’ve been up and stressed since 7am. I’ve had my brain lying to me telling me stories about how awful I am and worthless and how I’m letting everybody down. Fatigue really cranks that shit up

Sep 28, 2022 5:39:12 PM Me

I won’t lie you get this much rejection you can’t not think there’s something fucking wrong with you

Sep 28, 2022 5:39:47 PM Me

Anyhow I found two new job board websites that are specific to my line of work so I’m going to scour them and then call it a day

Sep 30, 2022 12:11:15 PM Me

Happy Friday! Taste the Biscuit Must watch!

Sep 30, 2022 12:11:20 PM Me

Twitter

Sep 30, 2022 12:11:37 PM Me

😊

Sep 30, 2022 12:25:40 PM Me

I’ve noticed I’ve developed a severe aversion to people. I avoid people when walking, will go out of my way to not have to walk by them and engage in any way. In fact I’ve noticed that when people get physically close to me I have a huge need to move away. If somebody brushes up against me or inadvertently touches my hand I feel a huge repulsion in mind and body. It is if my subconscious has decided some thing that I haven’t figured out yet. Yesterday was one of the if worst days. Splitting headache all day, dizzy, irregular heartbeat, all.kinds of fun. I mentally don't feel like myself, only for moments then feel spaced out, like pure dumb other times. My stress level feels immeasurable and things like exercise and other healthy things seem to have zero effect on me or my well-being Over a year living in an alternate universe fucks you up mentally. Im well over 400 days of mental excommunication in my marriage and as much as I try to stay positive the collective stress of no job and zero love are literally making my body and mind do weird shit. Anyhow, no need to answer, just getting it out. But no matter what, I feel incredibly broken down with just enough energy to get out of bed and pretend I'm doing ok.

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Sep 30, 2022 1:30:54 PM Me

Just heard back from Amazon, and made it to the next round of interviews. I present 2-3 case studies of my work with a UX Designer from Amazon to assess my functional skills. Truly surprised

Sep 30, 2022 1:35:47 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Right on - never a doubt. You are a ux rockstar !

Sep 30, 2022 1:31:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hope your “getting out of the house” mode is going well.

Sep 30, 2022 1:36:02 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Getting there

Sep 30, 2022 1:35:47 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Right on - never a doubt. You are a ux rockstar !
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 30, 2022 1:36:01 PM Me

gulp

Sep 30, 2022 1:36:02 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Getting there
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Sep 30, 2022 1:36:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah, imagine its nuts with the kids

Sep 30, 2022 1:36:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

or is Papa watching them?

Sep 30, 2022 1:36:34 PM +13038752587

Today the are with Tree

Sep 30, 2022 1:36:41 PM +13038752587

Yesterday with papa bear

Sep 30, 2022 1:37:12 PM Me

perfect. It would 100x harder with them around. Love them as you do, its great not to have them at the moment 😊

Sep 30, 2022 1:37:20 PM Me

I speak from experience

Sep 30, 2022 1:38:06 PM Me

k, well working on a redesign of my website with some new content. Simplifying Less is more

Sep 30, 2022 1:38:19 PM Me

I’ll ping you to have a look sometime

Sep 30, 2022 1:38:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and let me know about Tree’s content/copy for the PDF when you can.

Sep 30, 2022 1:42:53 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Will do

Sep 30, 2022 9:20:33 PM Me

Just had the weird feeling come over me that I'm headed to the funeral of my marriage next week. So.tired of this shit

Sep 30, 2022 9:22:26 PM Me

Tired of the fucking storytelling in my head. Bunch of fucking lies that won't stop fucking with me. Like having a poltergeist in your brain that incessantly haunts you

Sep 30, 2022 9:22:38 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

In the matrix of the unknown all things are possible to be created.

Sep 30, 2022 9:24:06 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

When the negative shit starts to take over you have to say … STOP 🛑 IT. Then as quickly as possible but in a positive story

Sep 30, 2022 9:31:00 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

When the dark thoughts of fear come in I do a few things. One - I say “whatever that is. Will I destroy and uncreate it all? Yes”. Then take a deep breath. Two- let it roll along for a bit and say -“this is fear talking not reality” When I am feeling energetic… I ask myself what belief and trauma triggers this thinking 🤔 sometimes I get an answer most times not. I have faith my subconscious will go to work and present the answer.

Sep 30, 2022 9:31:57 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Ultimately- I shut it down as quickly as I can and replace it with positive thoughts 💭 and stories

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Sep 30, 2022 9:37:45 PM Me

Just sow low on energy; emotional and spiritual its hard to combat and simultaneously easy to succumb to it.

Sep 30, 2022 9:42:27 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Deep meditation and sleep to quiet the mind.

Sep 30, 2022 9:42:43 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I feel you.

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Sep 30, 2022 9:38:52 PM Me

The headache from yesterday was Top 3 lifetime, over 24 hours

Sep 30, 2022 9:42:59 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Ouch!

Sep 30, 2022 9:42:27 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Deep meditation and sleep to quiet the mind.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 30, 2022 9:42:43 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I feel you.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 30, 2022 9:42:59 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Ouch!
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 30, 2022 9:49:42 PM Me

Yes, kept me up past 1 am

Sep 30, 2022 9:50:05 PM Me

I think it’s just all the stress I’ve had this week with interviewing at Amazon and following up on the other leads and still feeling like I’m running in place

Sep 30, 2022 9:51:46 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 8 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The facts say otherwise. / next round of interviews is progress.

Sep 30, 2022 9:50:45 PM Me

Tons of energy expended, and then tons of energy just trying to steady the mental ship

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Sep 30, 2022 9:51:46 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 8 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The facts say otherwise. / next round of interviews is progress.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 30, 2022 10:15:07 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 45 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

I just realized that when I Heart ❤️ comments I’m sending love and positive energy your way. Not loving the comment most of the time 😀

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Oct 01, 2022 3:00:24 PM Me

Haha

Oct 01, 2022 3:55:52 PM +13038752587

Empty

Oct 01, 2022 4:13:01 PM Me

Wow 😮

Oct 01, 2022 4:13:23 PM Me

Impressive. You do it all or pay a service?

Oct 01, 2022 4:13:36 PM Me

Oh, and I saw “Bert’s room”

Oct 01, 2022 4:14:07 PM +13038752587

We did it all

Oct 01, 2022 4:14:33 PM Me

Bravo

Oct 01, 2022 4:14:50 PM +13038752587

Final packing in storage

Oct 01, 2022 4:14:56 PM Me

I can smell how clean it is through the photos

Oct 01, 2022 4:16:36 PM +13038752587

Oct 01, 2022 4:31:25 PM Me

Again, really impressed

Oct 01, 2022 4:31:39 PM Me

I could send you photos of how well I’m packing my bag for Hawaii

Oct 01, 2022 4:32:17 PM +13038752587

What times the flight

Oct 01, 2022 4:42:24 PM Me

9 or 10 am

Oct 03, 2022 12:03:53 AM Me

I hate it here

Oct 03, 2022 12:17:16 AM Me

I hate my existence.

Oct 03, 2022 12:17:41 AM Me

Completely fed up

Oct 03, 2022 12:18:21 AM Me

I want the check and I'm ready to check out of Earth

Oct 03, 2022 12:18:55 AM Me

There is a rage inside that is killing me

Oct 03, 2022 12:24:06 AM Me

I’m sleeping on a hardwood floor all week here. Screw the aloha and fuck the mahalo. Been here 6 hours and I'm done

Oct 03, 2022 12:28:21 AM Me

Hate feeling like this when I should be happy or just relaxing, but I can't relax because I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MY LIFE IS HEADED it's been like this for over a year, and the anxiety is very bad and my depression is back.

Oct 03, 2022 12:32:03 AM Me

Every day I wake up and dont want to get out of bed because I know I'm going to go thru the day incredibly depressed. And I do. I find humor in nothing and when I do laugh, it always feels forced because I'm around other people and I don't 't want to let anyone know

Oct 03, 2022 12:32:19 AM Me

Masking

Oct 03, 2022 12:33:49 AM Me

Honestly if the holidays come around and my life is still stuck like this...

Oct 03, 2022 12:41:55 AM Me

What makes no sense is how awful I feel and MY FAMILY all give me shit about it There’s not a fucking ounce of empathy and understanding, like I don’t exist or matter to anyone. When I get that from them it’s hard to stay tethered and not think about ending the fucking pain. My life has been hard pain and suffering for 15 months. I just don’t have the energy to care since I get nothing from my family that says “love” It’s just constant reminders of how I’m letting people down and how I’ve hurt them.

Oct 03, 2022 12:46:12 AM Me

Going on a nice hike and then leaving Earth and never coming home is my preference right now. I’m sick of fighting myself inside my head all day every day. It’s a shitty way to live trust me.

Oct 03, 2022 12:47:06 AM Me

I can’t even remember the last time I was happy for more than a few mins. Sad and sucks.

Oct 03, 2022 12:52:32 AM Me

Anyhow, done texting now. Going to sleep and prey the lord take me before I wake. That would be the cleanest way. The irony is when I’m dead and gone suddenly they’ll care and it might affect them emotionally, like they actually gave two shits.

Oct 03, 2022 7:17:34 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 10 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Im sorry to hear the depression is ruling your mind right now. Text or call me when you wake up.

Oct 03, 2022 2:33:53 PM +13038752587

Hello

Oct 03, 2022 3:46:40 PM Me

Hi. Thanks for the note. I was triggered by all the happy people here in Kona. Everyone is excited for the race coming up. I’m still living in my depression. In fact I thought it was over, but I don’t think it is. Think I was just not feeling the bottom of the pit anymore and thought I was free of it. Swindled in a way. I’m not rock bottom, just a couple levels above, a functional depressive is what I call it. No matter what, the darkness seems to always be there. Even when not feeling dark if I think about depression I risk falling in the pit. Again thanks for your note. I got up and out the door to do bike wheels and watch Liz practice swim in the bay. Feels like 6pm and it’s not even noon

Oct 03, 2022 3:50:53 PM +13038752587

A couple of questions. When does the race start

Oct 03, 2022 3:58:34 PM ⇲ Me

Women race Thursday, Men on Friday

Oct 03, 2022 3:53:58 PM +13038752587

Are the boys sleeping on beds? They are younger and can easily sleep on the floor. (A suggestion) Although do whatever is going to be in best support of Liz. Are you in an Airbnb?

Oct 03, 2022 3:59:41 PM ⇲ Me

Yes, at Airbnb 2 bedroom Liz in one, Aidan and Cori (his girlfriend) in the other. Darragh is on the couch

Oct 03, 2022 3:55:57 PM +13038752587

You are loved 🥰. Liz has her game face on! The boys are well… boys and can be self absorbed. As I am sure you know.

Oct 03, 2022 4:03:48 PM ⇲ Me

Hearing it said to me is VERY different than feeling it. I don’t feel it at all. Most of the time I feel like a stranger and uncomfortable like I shouldn’t be here. It’s how u feel

Oct 03, 2022 3:56:37 PM +13038752587

Send me some pictures of Hawaii

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Oct 03, 2022 3:57:14 PM +13038752587

Palm trees 🌴 ocean waves 🌊

Oct 03, 2022 3:58:34 PM ⇱ Me

Women race Thursday, Men on Friday
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2022 3:59:41 PM ⇱ Me

Yes, at Airbnb 2 bedroom Liz in one, Aidan and Cori (his girlfriend) in the other. Darragh is on the couch
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2022 4:03:19 PM +13038752587

A suggestion- Call up the host and see if they have a blowup mattress available. Is the couch a pull out bed? We

Oct 03, 2022 4:03:43 PM +13038752587

“We” just appeared when I hit send

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Oct 03, 2022 4:03:48 PM ⇱ Me

Hearing it said to me is VERY different than feeling it. I don’t feel it at all. Most of the time I feel like a stranger and uncomfortable like I shouldn’t be here. It’s how u feel
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2022 4:04:40 PM +13038752587

I understand that, however this is a story we tell ourselves and is not based on fact

Oct 03, 2022 4:04:55 PM Me

Oct 03, 2022 4:07:22 PM Me

Last one is view from our window. We’re 3 mins from beach

Oct 03, 2022 4:33:51 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Nice

Oct 03, 2022 4:34:55 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

You can go on some walks on the beach. Sit and meditate to the sound of the waves 🌊

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Oct 05, 2022 1:58:10 PM Me

Hey there

Oct 05, 2022 2:03:33 PM +13038752587

How’s Hawaii

Oct 05, 2022 2:06:19 PM Me

Oct 05, 2022 2:27:37 PM +13038752587

Wow 🤩 it’s getting close to go time!

Oct 05, 2022 2:31:26 PM ⇲ Me

Yes, tomorrow morning at 6:30am Hawaii time pro women start.

Oct 05, 2022 2:32:20 PM ⇲ Me

The whole event is streamed live online at ironman.com, or go to YouTube and search for the IRONMAN channel and you could watch it there. They start pre-race broadcast at 4:30 or 5 AM Hawaiian time and within an hour the race will start with the pro women. Loses start time is around 6:50 AM that’s when her group will get in the water and start.

Oct 05, 2022 2:32:42 PM ⇲ Me

Loses = Lizs

Oct 05, 2022 2:32:58 PM ⇲ Me

Oct 05, 2022 2:34:40 PM ⇲ Me

Her number you can enter on the athlete tracker and then follow her on course

Oct 05, 2022 2:35:10 PM ⇲ Me

Or download the IRONMAN app too

Oct 05, 2022 2:35:16 PM ⇲ Me

They all stream it

Oct 05, 2022 2:35:41 PM ⇲ Me

Tomorrow women only race. The men’s race is on Saturday. They’ve never split the race like this and had to do it because they have three years worth of people who have qualified

Oct 05, 2022 2:28:58 PM +13038752587

Will it be televised live? Is there a place we can trac her progress?

Oct 05, 2022 2:31:26 PM ⇱ Me

Yes, tomorrow morning at 6:30am Hawaii time pro women start.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 2:32:20 PM ⇱ Me

The whole event is streamed live online at ironman.com, or go to YouTube and search for the IRONMAN channel and you could watch it there. They start pre-race broadcast at 4:30 or 5 AM Hawaiian time and within an hour the race will start with the pro women. Loses start time is around 6:50 AM that’s when her group will get in the water and start.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 2:32:42 PM ⇱ Me

Loses = Lizs
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 2:32:58 PM ⇱ Me

This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 2:34:40 PM ⇱ Me

Her number you can enter on the athlete tracker and then follow her on course
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 2:35:10 PM ⇱ Me

Or download the IRONMAN app too
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 2:35:16 PM ⇱ Me

They all stream it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 2:35:41 PM ⇱ Me

Tomorrow women only race. The men’s race is on Saturday. They’ve never split the race like this and had to do it because they have three years worth of people who have qualified
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 2:38:43 PM +13038752587

Cool - what time does she start?

Oct 05, 2022 2:39:17 PM Me

6:50am Hawaii time 20mins after pros takeoff

Oct 05, 2022 2:39:29 PM Me

Almost 11 for you

Oct 05, 2022 2:39:47 PM Me

Anticipating a time somewhere between 11 and 12 hours

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Oct 05, 2022 2:40:22 PM Me

Her personal best is right around 11am ours

Oct 05, 2022 2:40:29 PM Me

11 hours

Oct 05, 2022 3:54:52 PM Me

Depression is high today

Oct 05, 2022 3:55:36 PM Me

Lots of self hate and self disgust

Oct 05, 2022 3:56:46 PM +13038752587

Well… Ya know.. 🛑 IT

Oct 05, 2022 3:56:49 PM Me

Thinking that I don’t want to continue in my marriage. Today is first day it came into my mind and I didn’t break down in years

Oct 05, 2022 3:57:01 PM Me

Tears

Oct 05, 2022 3:57:47 PM Me

Really thinking hard about how I've been treated these past 5-8 years

Oct 05, 2022 3:58:32 PM Me

My love is unconditional, and hers is on condition. If it's not met, fuck off

Oct 05, 2022 3:58:45 PM Me

That's how it FEELS

Oct 05, 2022 3:58:48 PM +13038752587

Sounds like you are starting to accept the worst outcome. Which is good because this will allow you to proceed without fear

Oct 05, 2022 4:00:36 PM +13038752587

I’m glad you are starting to see the whole picture. Relationships take two. And you have accepted all the blame(not a good word or situation) for things not being good

Oct 05, 2022 4:00:38 PM Me

I can't do conditional love. It makes me question my worth, and I already don't think much of myself, but then when ur sitting in a pile of shit for year's it changes you whether you want to or not

Oct 05, 2022 4:01:37 PM +13038752587

Ultimately you are accountable for your life and what you allow and accept. People will respect that and treat you as you allow them to.

Oct 05, 2022 4:01:41 PM Me

I'm sick of seeing happy couples

Oct 05, 2022 4:01:56 PM +13038752587

False statement

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Oct 05, 2022 4:03:39 PM Me

I just know she's not truly happy, and she cannot let.go of the idea that I need her to fix me. All I want is her to acknowledge I exist

Oct 05, 2022 4:04:17 PM Me

To listen, so I feel like someone who supposedly loves me gives a shit

Oct 05, 2022 4:04:31 PM Me

I have the opposite of that

Oct 05, 2022 4:06:03 PM Me

Today everyone walked out and left me behind. Nobody gives a shit. Which makes me incredibl jaded and want to tell everyone to “sit and spin” 🖕

Oct 05, 2022 4:06:45 PM Me

A plain Lack of consideration

Oct 05, 2022 4:07:03 PM Me

And it's constant, the “norm”

Oct 05, 2022 4:07:49 PM Me

If enlightened there would be no ego to care, but then is there any caring at all?

Oct 05, 2022 4:10:11 PM Me

I'm clinging to ideas and feelings, it's abundantly obvious. However right now I'm still somewhat at it's mercy. I'm aware of it, but when depression is high its VERY hard to meditate and let go.

Oct 05, 2022 4:11:10 PM +13038752587

Understandable. I tell you it’s not about you. You have one son caught up in his relationship, one who is a teenager and Liz is in game time mind set.

Oct 05, 2022 4:12:00 PM Me

Right, I know it's not about me, and that adds.to my bowl of spaghetti thinking

Oct 05, 2022 4:12:03 PM +13038752587

And, I believe you have been keeping a low profile.

Oct 05, 2022 4:12:52 PM ⇲ Me

Incredibly low profile. Some days I don't talk much. Monk like

Oct 05, 2022 4:13:15 PM ⇲ Me

I think I may have been a monk in a previous life because both meditation and being alone are very enjoyable

Oct 05, 2022 4:12:12 PM Me

All tangled up

Oct 05, 2022 4:12:23 PM +13038752587

In blue

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Oct 05, 2022 4:12:52 PM ⇱ Me

Incredibly low profile. Some days I don't talk much. Monk like
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 4:13:15 PM ⇱ Me

I think I may have been a monk in a previous life because both meditation and being alone are very enjoyable
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2022 4:14:00 PM Me

I find 80-90% of people annoying

Oct 05, 2022 4:14:41 PM Me

Anyhow, about to walk with Liz to take her bike to check in

Oct 05, 2022 4:15:47 PM Me

I’m either going to be divorced by the end of this year, or not

Oct 05, 2022 4:16:04 PM Me

Can’t keep being a mouse

Oct 05, 2022 4:17:02 PM +13038752587

Keep your eyes in the prize. Keep your mind on supporting Liz in this pinnacle

Oct 05, 2022 4:17:38 PM Me

I am. No subversion or negativity coming from me AT ALL

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Oct 05, 2022 4:18:06 PM Me

again, have kept low profile and not a PITA to travel with

Oct 05, 2022 4:18:52 PM Me

And when I mentioned this to her, the reply was “oh, so you’re an adult now?” Just what I wanted to hear

Oct 05, 2022 4:28:55 PM ⇲ +13038752587

The opposite of love is apathy not anger or sarcasm. just sayin - they are both feelings connected to caring.

Oct 05, 2022 4:19:17 PM Me

Felt like doing this

Oct 05, 2022 4:19:28 PM Me

🖕

Oct 05, 2022 4:26:05 PM +13038752587

I’m proud of you for being there for her right now and all along her quest.

Oct 05, 2022 4:28:55 PM ⇱ +13038752587

The opposite of love is apathy not anger or sarcasm. just sayin - they are both feelings connected to caring.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 06, 2022 2:07:39 AM Me

I so wish I had what’s mentioned below. I tried to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek to wish her good luck 🍀 before she went to sleep and u can imagine how it went from what I’ve told you previously about our complete lackluster connection. Nonexistent might be more accurate

Oct 06, 2022 2:07:42 AM Me

Instagram

Oct 07, 2022 2:47:22 PM Me

It’s Friday but feels like Monday. Everyday feels like Monday 😕

Oct 07, 2022 2:47:33 PM Me

How is the move going?

Oct 07, 2022 3:24:29 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

We are out and living at Lisa’s for the next few weeks. We will leave for Florida on 21 then France 🇫🇷 on Monday he 26

Oct 07, 2022 3:25:01 PM +13038752587

Is Liz still sleeping 💤

Oct 07, 2022 3:25:06 PM Me

Wow

Oct 07, 2022 3:25:10 PM Me

No

Oct 07, 2022 3:25:27 PM Me

She’s walking around town

Oct 07, 2022 3:40:35 PM Me

Depression is BIG TODAY and was late last night. Part of my brain thinks that this is the first day of the rest of my life. And because I feel depressed in a big way tends to make me think that is going to be the rest of my life just more fucking depression. It takes so much goddamn energy and effort to pretend that life‘s OK, or tolerable. Feels like dragging yourself thru everyday just to get to the end and collapse mentally and physically. It’s made me very jaded and cynical and I hate that

Oct 07, 2022 3:44:13 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Get some rest today.

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Oct 07, 2022 4:29:17 PM +13038752587

Seriously- isn’t it a down day.

Oct 07, 2022 4:29:44 PM +13038752587

Are you staying to watch the men

Oct 07, 2022 4:30:08 PM Me

Yeah, men race tomorrow. It’s like a repeat of Wednesday

Oct 07, 2022 4:31:57 PM Me

Had to take bike to get race wheels off. Finished laundry, and now at event hotel watching people eat shaved ice and coffee

Oct 07, 2022 4:34:43 PM +13038752587

Take a pic 🤳 let’s see

Oct 08, 2022 12:17:39 AM Me

There are moments I find myself at peace, and there are moments where I am ready to kill everything. There’s a really deep anger in me that I’m not really sure how to process and it would be great if you had some ideas or pointers that might help process that Of course I could easily go run to the Google and search and find some fucking YouTube videos but that’s just random shit, and who knows what I will get. I’d rather have you provide some guidance.

Oct 08, 2022 9:33:46 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Warrior- is designed to help get through the BS and release the rage in a healthy and productive way

Oct 08, 2022 12:18:09 AM Me

I just can’t fucking read people and it’s killing every possible chance I have reconciling anything at all

Oct 08, 2022 12:18:56 AM Me

Like I said before, and I will say it again without question my life as it is right this moment is absolutely on fucking tenable on every fucking level. I’m just totally done with this shit

Oct 08, 2022 12:47:09 AM Me

Whole time I texted you that I walked down the road next to her for a mile. It was like I wasn’t there. Total silence. I say nothing because I want to create space for her, and I get nothing, over and over and over and over again. I have no idea what she is thinking or feeling. She doesn’t talk at all when it’s just the two of us. Totally ghosted to my face over and over again.

Oct 08, 2022 9:36:38 AM ⇲ +13038752587

If your not engaging her in conversation how can she engage you. A thought - is she thinking something similar about you - “he isn’t talking to me?”

Oct 08, 2022 12:47:37 AM Me

All of this is premised on fucking and utter bullshit.

Oct 08, 2022 12:56:59 AM ⇲ Me

Meaning the interpretation of what happened.

Oct 08, 2022 12:56:11 AM Me

It’s starting to feel like attrition until I just go away

Oct 08, 2022 12:56:59 AM ⇱ Me

Meaning the interpretation of what happened.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 08, 2022 12:58:03 AM Me

The feeling of “better off dead 💀 “ is incredibly strong right now

Oct 08, 2022 12:58:46 AM Me

Again I’m in a beautiful romantic place and I have a boot on my heart 💔

Oct 08, 2022 2:14:04 AM Me

Depressed mood swings are brutal

Oct 08, 2022 2:17:28 AM Me

I haven’t searched for it but convinced I have some kind of blindness when reading people. I have no idea what people convey with body language, etc. for example I have no idea how to read subtle cues and they could be happening with Liz trying to communicate in some horse whispering way and I have zero idea it’s happening

Oct 08, 2022 2:23:43 AM Me

It just sucks It feels like not having anything to look forward to over and over I love her so much I would do anything for her—take a bullet level commitment That’s why it hurts so much I am attached to my love for her, or am I attached to her? I don’t know because I’m so confused

Oct 08, 2022 2:26:18 AM Me

Ok, done. I got triggered before dinner at this beautiful Oceanside restaurant and Liz just shut off towards me at that moment. It dredged things up. Anyhow using this space as a journal of sorts to get these ideas out of my skull

Oct 08, 2022 9:32:43 AM +13038752587

Warrior

Oct 08, 2022 9:33:46 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Warrior- is designed to help get through the BS and release the rage in a healthy and productive way
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 08, 2022 9:36:38 AM ⇱ +13038752587

If your not engaging her in conversation how can she engage you. A thought - is she thinking something similar about you - “he isn’t talking to me?”
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 08, 2022 10:23:50 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Warrior

Oct 08, 2022 10:23:51 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

There are books and courses available

Oct 08, 2022 10:23:53 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

If your not engaging her in conversation how can she engage you. A thought - is she thinking something similar about you - “he isn’t talking to me?”

Oct 08, 2022 10:23:53 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Warrior- is designed to help get through the BS and release the rage in a healthy and productive way

Oct 08, 2022 10:48:22 AM Me

I was very clear to her in my letter about where I am and where I stand and that she’s got to start the process When she’s ready.

Oct 08, 2022 10:48:58 AM Me

Oh, good morning I forgot to say good morning

Oct 08, 2022 10:51:27 AM Me

Just walked by her in the thick of the crowd, looked right at me waved no anything and that was it she just kept on walking Yay Life!

Oct 08, 2022 11:06:32 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Stop putting soo much on her response to you or lack thereof. Enjoy your day!! Sent with love ❤️ and a kick in the butt

Oct 08, 2022 11:10:05 AM Me

Ok

Oct 08, 2022 11:10:52 AM Me

I’m just exhausted from keeping my head above water and feel like I’m being asked to walk on water

Oct 08, 2022 1:11:00 PM Me

It’s weird, I don’t want to go back to California. Feels like face the music time

Oct 08, 2022 1:12:43 PM +13038752587

Stories - change your story about going back to one you want

Oct 08, 2022 1:17:29 PM Me

Story can’t change when self hate is dominant. I’m so angry with myself for all of this. Makes me double down on the “I don’t deserve nice” “Who TF am I to demand anything from anyone when I’m failing so hard. Honestly I think I’ve given up over this trip. I had changed my story before I got here and I’ve been reminded that I’m not worthy of Liz, my family, or this life. I had it, and I fucked it up, and now I live with that.

Oct 08, 2022 1:18:02 PM Me

Right now that’s it

Oct 08, 2022 1:23:25 PM Me

I apologize to you for dragging u into this nonsense I keep sharing. You have a life and are very busy. I text because I literally have no one else to share these things with and I find that if I don’t get them out they grind my soul Not my brother or parents read this stuff. It would stress my mom hard

Oct 08, 2022 1:58:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just got an email. Amazon cancelled my interview.

Oct 08, 2022 1:58:28 PM Me

dude can things keep getting worse for me?

Oct 08, 2022 1:58:44 PM (Read by them after 21 seconds) Me

I’m fucking crying, this is ridiculous

Oct 08, 2022 2:03:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

the rejections in all areas of my life are just dragging me down farther

Oct 08, 2022 2:06:36 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Until you forgive yourself no one can forgive you

Oct 08, 2022 2:07:00 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Until you stop asking how’s it get worse, it will continue to get worse

Oct 08, 2022 2:08:02 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Change what you are telling yourself? Even if you don’t believe it. Keep saying it

Oct 08, 2022 2:20:04 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ll be honest. The amount of rejection I’m having in many areas of my life all at once is both immediately frustrating and triggering my depression very hard. As much as I’ve wanted this trip to Hawaii to be relaxing and restorative—its felt like the opposite. Its been so long since I’ve not felt some level of depression and sadness that I’m unsure if I’ve ever truly been happy and content in life. I’ve always felt not good enough and a failure pretty much my entire life. Any time I do “achieve” its never felt good enough and I’ve never felt relaxed about any of it as well—just tension and stress of not being good enough.

Oct 08, 2022 7:42:38 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Message from Gary V

Oct 08, 2022 7:42:40 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

You deserve a clap 👏.. you're doing as much as you can .. can u do something for me ? .. take a deep breathe and smile .. like a deep ass breathe .. and a big smile .. you're wonderful - have a epic Saturday night 💛 🌙

Oct 08, 2022 8:06:34 PM Me

Oct 08, 2022 8:54:22 PM +13038752587

Wow 🤩

Oct 09, 2022 3:39:22 AM Me

My depression is back with a vengeance. Today and tonight has been hard to get thru. Aidan and Darragh have both caught me crying, they were shocked and simultaneously very kind and asked if they could help. I told them no. Im struggling mentally harder than ever. Just tired from masking and pretending nothings wrong 😑 it’s all caught up with me this week here in Kona. The triggers were everywhere I looked. I leave here knowing I gave up 12 years of my marriage to this race and sport. Hundreds maybe thousands of hours of watching kids while ppl are doing 80miles on the bike. I feel punished every day. Sleeping on the floor or couch after 14 months is both sad and painful emotionally and physically (my back). It’s my reminder every night that I made a mistake and I’m going to be reminded of this the remainder of my days alive.
Sent with Invisible Ink

Oct 09, 2022 3:59:17 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Keep fighting through the depression.There are better days ahead. ❤️

Oct 09, 2022 12:36:11 PM Me

Thanks for the wish. Each time I fight thru it always comes back. That’s my experience so it’s hard to have optimism When every time it always comes back.

Oct 09, 2022 12:37:17 PM Me

It’s disheartening

Oct 09, 2022 12:38:21 PM Me

I cried myself to sleep last night and woke up crying crying this morning. Makes me wonder if I cry in my sleep

Oct 09, 2022 12:48:12 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

What is triggering the crying?

Oct 09, 2022 1:10:49 PM Me

Sadness that I had a whole week here and could not find peace and stillness at all. With as much wallowing I’ve done at home it’s imbued with a weird energy to me. Partly why I have to leave the house to have a better meditation. I had placed hope in that this trip would allow me some space to let shit go but… not the case

Oct 09, 2022 1:11:14 PM Me

It made it more intense

Oct 09, 2022 1:12:38 PM Me

Also Amazon cancelled my interview for tomorrow. Something about canceling the position. More rejection didn’t help on top of the rejection I live with every day

Oct 09, 2022 1:14:28 PM ⇲ +13038752587

This is not rejection of you. They cancelled the opening. I would reach out and ask what other position out available, especially since you already made it through two rounds

Oct 09, 2022 1:16:26 PM ⇲ Me

Intellectually it’s crystal clear, emotionally it runs right over me simply because I’m already on my knees bleeding from fighting the rejection in my mind

Oct 09, 2022 1:14:28 PM ⇱ +13038752587

This is not rejection of you. They cancelled the opening. I would reach out and ask what other position out available, especially since you already made it through two rounds
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 09, 2022 1:16:26 PM ⇱ Me

Intellectually it’s crystal clear, emotionally it runs right over me simply because I’m already on my knees bleeding from fighting the rejection in my mind
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 09, 2022 1:16:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You are not being rejected daily either. You may not be getting what you want, however you are missing the facts!

Oct 09, 2022 1:17:34 PM Me

I’m entirely over sensitive because it’s a wound that never gets to scab over and heal

Oct 09, 2022 1:18:30 PM (Read by you after 21 hours, 41 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

What do you feel/think would help you heal?

Oct 09, 2022 2:34:00 PM Me

Getting paid and getting laid

Oct 09, 2022 2:36:42 PM +13038752587

Good - now you know your destination

Oct 09, 2022 2:37:40 PM +13038752587

First is getting paid. What’s your plan moving forward?

Oct 09, 2022 3:35:25 PM ⇲ Me

I have 2 interviews this week. Already reached out to Amazon AWS, a recruiter from that division when Interviewing for the one that just was cancelled

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Oct 09, 2022 3:35:49 PM ⇲ Me

I’ll also likely go fill out some job apps in town

Oct 09, 2022 3:36:04 PM ⇲ Me

Work at the supermarket or something

Oct 09, 2022 2:37:57 PM +13038752587

When do you return to California

Oct 09, 2022 2:57:58 PM Me

Leaving in 5 mins to eat and then to airport

Oct 09, 2022 2:58:07 PM Me

Flight departs in 4 hours

Oct 09, 2022 2:58:16 PM Me

3pm Hawaii time

Oct 09, 2022 3:35:25 PM ⇱ Me

I have 2 interviews this week. Already reached out to Amazon AWS, a recruiter from that division when Interviewing for the one that just was cancelled

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 09, 2022 3:35:49 PM ⇱ Me

I’ll also likely go fill out some job apps in town
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 09, 2022 3:36:04 PM ⇱ Me

Work at the supermarket or something
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 09, 2022 7:32:26 PM Me

How was weekend?

Oct 09, 2022 7:33:55 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Busy with Lilly bday. And moving from house to house. Overall great though

Oct 09, 2022 7:32:42 PM Me

I’m leaving n the plane back to LA

Oct 09, 2022 7:33:16 PM Me

Sad to leave island 🏝 It’s incredibly beautiful here

Oct 09, 2022 7:33:55 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Busy with Lilly bday. And moving from house to house. Overall great though
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 09, 2022 7:34:13 PM Me

Wow that’s a lot

Oct 09, 2022 7:34:14 PM +13038752587

Safe travels.

Oct 09, 2022 7:34:20 PM Me

Thanks

Oct 09, 2022 7:34:28 PM +13038752587

Take a nap on the way

Oct 09, 2022 7:34:40 PM Me

Oh yes

Oct 10, 2022 4:50:27 PM Me

Hi, how’s the move going?

Oct 10, 2022 4:53:14 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Leaving Meme to Estes Park for until Wednesday then back

Oct 10, 2022 4:54:17 PM +13038752587

Flights booked for France 10/26

Oct 10, 2022 4:59:27 PM Me

Got home at 4:15am 🥱 Slept until 12:15 Incredibly stressed today because I’m failing at life. Relationships, personal well being, work, and money are a daily struggle. I’m sadly miserable. I just had to tell Aidan I couldn’t give him some gas money because I’m dirt broke. 😢 Makes me feel like a shit parent on top of everything else. I can’t catch a break.

Oct 10, 2022 5:01:32 PM +13038752587

Well that sucks!

Oct 10, 2022 5:03:05 PM Me

There has to be positive somewhere. I think life gave me everything I wanted. I wasn’t awake. I wasn’t present. And then it was mostly taken away. Now that I am awake and can be present, the suffering I feel for not being is immense.

Oct 10, 2022 5:03:34 PM Me

I have deep appreciation for it all

Oct 10, 2022 5:04:01 PM Me

The feeling now is Tough shit, you had your chance

Oct 10, 2022 5:04:22 PM +13038752587

Let’s assume for right now you are behind the game of life. There is no failure by the way. What do you need to do to get ahead?

Oct 10, 2022 5:07:55 PM ⇲ Me

Yes, lessons not failure. The depression lies and tricks one into believing failure

Oct 10, 2022 5:08:25 PM ⇲ Me

I feel better already

Oct 10, 2022 5:09:31 PM ⇲ Me

About to go thru email and process. See what’s there Confirm next interviews this week Follow up with leads that haven’t shut the door

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Oct 10, 2022 5:10:19 PM ⇲ Me

I have a YT vid about ways to make $$ online. Going to check that out and see what’s up

Oct 10, 2022 8:47:23 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Send the link

Oct 10, 2022 5:04:55 PM Me

What I formerly had suddenly starts to feel unattainable the longer I’m in this space

Oct 10, 2022 5:06:05 PM Me

I’m processing while writing these

Oct 10, 2022 5:06:49 PM Me

I’ve never thought these particular things in this articulate type of way, so in some sense they’re a stream of consciousness

Oct 10, 2022 5:07:55 PM ⇱ Me

Yes, lessons not failure. The depression lies and tricks one into believing failure
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2022 5:08:25 PM ⇱ Me

I feel better already
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2022 5:09:31 PM ⇱ Me

About to go thru email and process. See what’s there Confirm next interviews this week Follow up with leads that haven’t shut the door

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2022 5:10:19 PM ⇱ Me

I have a YT vid about ways to make $$ online. Going to check that out and see what’s up
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2022 5:50:04 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Driving

Oct 10, 2022 5:53:32 PM Me

k

Oct 10, 2022 8:47:23 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Send the link
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2022 9:15:00 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

YouTube

Oct 11, 2022 11:10:38 AM Me

How’s Monday?

Oct 11, 2022 12:44:24 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Monday was busy. Today is going well. How about you?

Oct 11, 2022 12:59:27 PM Me

I’m headed into an interview at this minute I’ll let you know how it goes

Oct 11, 2022 2:06:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

interview went well. We’re talking again tomorrow to wrap it up.

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Oct 11, 2022 2:06:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I like the guy interviewing me

Oct 11, 2022 2:06:47 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Seems like a good guy

Oct 11, 2022 5:15:00 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 29 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 11, 2022 6:44:11 PM Me

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Hey! Check out this awesome quote on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

Oct 11, 2022 6:44:12 PM Me

https://insig.ht/XOoXeYIi3tb

Oct 12, 2022 4:08:23 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

how is hump day? Humpy?

Oct 12, 2022 4:15:23 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) Me

I can’t get liz to say anything much to me other than hi after getting back home. I try to engage in simple conversation brining up topics (tri) and I get no response, like I’m not there. This way of being for her towards me is something I tune into when I’m not busy burning energy worrying. She was like this before Kona, before NY, less so before NY, and occasionally before that. Its gotten worse the longer time goes on from the “event” I still feel we walk around with that cloud hanging in the middle of us. I dont want to push her away, but I also dont want to be a ghost. It sucks because i dont know what to do. I dont have money to get a good counselor to help guide me, and my largest concern is I feel like I’m running out of time.

Oct 12, 2022 4:17:35 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

Is this just the “dark times” of our marriage and I just need to ride out the storm?

Oct 12, 2022 4:50:30 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Possibly

Oct 12, 2022 4:18:21 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

uncertainty and impermanence are uncomfortable to sit with for very long periods of time

Oct 12, 2022 4:18:42 PM Me

part of suffering, part of being human

Oct 12, 2022 4:50:30 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Possibly
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 12, 2022 4:51:09 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

How did second interview go today

Oct 12, 2022 5:30:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

second interview went really well. Waiting 3/4 days to hear final decision on role

Oct 12, 2022 5:30:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Meeting with evaluator in 30 mins from Aquent

Oct 12, 2022 5:30:53 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

I have lots of moving parts right now

Oct 12, 2022 5:32:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

but broke to the bone economic stress in gigantic right now I didn’t even have $20 to give aidan for gas money 😞 Makes failure a easy feeling

Oct 12, 2022 7:43:39 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Stop it. 😍. You are on the cusp of breaking through. Keep the thoughts positive

Oct 12, 2022 7:43:48 PM +13038752587

I have some work for you. I can send you a couple hundred tomorrow

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Oct 12, 2022 7:46:59 PM ⇲ Me

Send me the details of what you need done via email, and if you write a good creative summary I should be able to get it all done without bugging you. I will reach out and ask questions if I’m confused on anything or uncertain

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Oct 12, 2022 7:44:28 PM Me

Better head space Good FaceTime with my mom

Oct 12, 2022 7:45:12 PM Me

Talked With her this afternoon for about an hour, and it helped me lighten up

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Oct 12, 2022 7:46:59 PM ⇱ Me

Send me the details of what you need done via email, and if you write a good creative summary I should be able to get it all done without bugging you. I will reach out and ask questions if I’m confused on anything or uncertain

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 12, 2022 8:57:50 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 3 seconds) Me

today apps

Oct 12, 2022 8:58:41 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

this is better. Mon Tue Wed up to 180 apps now

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Oct 12, 2022 11:51:00 PM Me

🤣

Oct 12, 2022 11:51:02 PM Me

Twitter

Oct 13, 2022 7:27:55 PM Me

Ping

Oct 13, 2022 7:28:14 PM Me

I was checking email and don’t see any thing from you regarding you needing some work done

Oct 13, 2022 7:30:55 PM +13038752587

Tomorrow

Oct 13, 2022 7:31:03 PM Me

Ah ok

Oct 13, 2022 7:31:29 PM Me

I have a one call early in the morning from 9 to 10 otherwise I’m around working on my website

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Oct 13, 2022 9:56:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How much longer do I wait?

Oct 13, 2022 9:58:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There is so much tension in the house you could cut it with a knife (bills and bank accounts) if this interview process I just finished doesn’t create an offer I do have to go to whatever work mode

Oct 13, 2022 10:20:59 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Keep the faith. Interview process is moving along. And yes, getting money coming in the door is important even if that’s an hourly position. Set a positive thought about tomorrow’s call. Repeat it over and over until you fall asleep.

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Oct 13, 2022 10:33:06 PM Me

can think straight when feeling this much pressure

Oct 13, 2022 10:33:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

or hard to think straight

Oct 14, 2022 10:25:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Howdy, just off call with recruiter with Applied Systems: https://www1.appliedsystems.com/en-us/ They make software for the insurance industry. Initial call was good and they’re passing my info along to next round

Oct 14, 2022 10:25:29 AM +13038752587

Great!!

Oct 14, 2022 10:25:32 AM Me

Let me know when you send the “stuff” and I’ll be on the lookout. Working on the design update to my website

Oct 14, 2022 10:26:25 AM Me

FYI — I’m noticing more companies putting the brakes on hiring. I think they’re wincing at the upcoming rate hikes from the Fed to see how things shake out.

Oct 14, 2022 10:27:01 AM Me

I’ve had that happen to 4 good leads. Suddenly stopped

Oct 14, 2022 10:27:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, going to walk doggies and meditate

Oct 14, 2022 10:27:33 AM Me

then back at it

Oct 14, 2022 11:05:28 AM Me

Oct 14, 2022 12:41:01 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 42 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Vpn recommendations

Oct 14, 2022 6:24:17 PM Me

I personally use NordVPN I think I can give you a code for a discount if you would like

Oct 14, 2022 6:37:53 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Send it over

Oct 14, 2022 7:35:03 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

ok.

Oct 14, 2022 7:35:10 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 36 seconds) Me

did you email what you need done?

Oct 14, 2022 7:37:51 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Not yet - check out Essencetribe.com Need to re format this page

Oct 14, 2022 7:41:14 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 32 seconds) Me

side note. I have a nagging suspicion that once I get a gig, she’s going to punt me. Doesn’t have the heart to throw me on the street right now, but if I were employed I’d be out. I’m still on the couch, hammock in the garden mode. Been over a year of that, sux. A suffering tax on the conscience as long as I mentally hold on to it. I’ve been listening to lots of Eastern teachers on the ideas of impermanence, suffering, and letting go.

Oct 14, 2022 7:47:28 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Interesting story

Oct 14, 2022 7:42:56 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 50 seconds) Me

I can have my worst nightmare in my head and not be a puddle now. Most of the time I’m unattached, but once and a while emotions hit like a wave out of no where, some random trigger, etc

Oct 14, 2022 7:44:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m far better at not being attached in a larger sense in my life. In college I could listen to people trash my work all day, I wasn’t attached to it with my ego, it was just a painting. Now I can see more of life in an unattached way. It makes room for something else.

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Oct 14, 2022 7:47:28 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Interesting story
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 14, 2022 7:48:29 PM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

and I’m sticking to it 😊

Oct 14, 2022 7:50:53 PM (Read by them after 16 seconds) Me

OK, found the link

Oct 14, 2022 7:50:57 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

NordVPN

Oct 14, 2022 7:51:13 PM Me

If you sign up we both get a month free

Oct 14, 2022 7:52:31 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Heres the page I see for the package I have, the standard plan, $84 for 2 years of service. I have it on all our laptops AND phones

Oct 14, 2022 7:52:39 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 48 seconds) Me

https://nordcheckout.com/

Oct 14, 2022 7:53:00 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 27 seconds) Me

Oct 14, 2022 7:53:30 PM (Read by them after 57 seconds) Me

service is very good. I’ve never had to contact support and I’m in year 2 now

Oct 14, 2022 7:54:06 PM (Read by them after 21 seconds) Me

you can pick any country in the world. Lets you access things you can’t if you dont have a country IP

Oct 14, 2022 7:54:30 PM Me

I use it for soccer to access Sky Sports for Premier League

Oct 14, 2022 8:25:54 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it ou

Oct 14, 2022 8:27:01 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Seriously, everyday tell yourself the story of the life you want. Write it down once and read it throughout your day.

Oct 14, 2022 8:29:18 PM Me

so whatcha need on that website

Oct 14, 2022 8:30:10 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

Clean up the design. Meeting with her tomorrow finalize content

Oct 14, 2022 8:30:42 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Click the join now button.. we will need to carry the design through that page.

Oct 14, 2022 8:31:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Oct 14, 2022 8:31:09 PM +13038752587

Have you used wpbakery at all

Oct 14, 2022 8:31:14 PM Me

yes

Oct 14, 2022 8:31:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

is that what its using?

Oct 14, 2022 8:31:41 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Yes and buddypress

Oct 14, 2022 8:32:05 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Builder is not super intuitive

Oct 14, 2022 8:32:26 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

kleo is the theme

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Oct 14, 2022 8:35:19 PM Me

holy crap

Oct 14, 2022 8:37:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hatch is making me an offer for the position. Jason, my equivalent on the product side, emailed me a few hours ago to tell me. He apologized profusely about not having a # and all the details because they didn’t wrap it up before EOD today. He said they will be sending me the ‘official’ offer on Monday but wanted to let me know. I can tell in the email he is excited

Oct 14, 2022 8:37:45 PM Me

He didn’t want me waiting over the weekend wondering I guess.

Oct 14, 2022 8:37:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

holy shit

Oct 14, 2022 8:38:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am happy, but not in an attached way. Its cool, but kinda weird honestly.

Oct 14, 2022 8:38:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feels better

Oct 14, 2022 8:40:00 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Awesome

Oct 14, 2022 8:40:16 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Remind me about hatch

Oct 14, 2022 8:40:28 PM Me

early childhood learning platform

Oct 14, 2022 8:40:38 PM Me

they make the software and the hardware

Oct 14, 2022 8:40:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool

Oct 14, 2022 8:41:36 PM Me

able to capture data and qualitatively and quantitatively assess kids math, reading and comprehension skills. Makes reports, lets parents in the backend etc

Oct 14, 2022 8:41:39 PM +13038752587

Very exciting 🎉

Oct 14, 2022 8:42:31 PM Me

they are in a growth moment, hence needing someone like me, to help them hit their 2025 target of 1.2 million kids on the platform called “Ignite”

Oct 14, 2022 8:43:25 PM Me

market is roughly 12 million preschool kids, their goal is 1.2 million of the 12, or 10% by 2025. Right now they have about 300k

Oct 14, 2022 8:43:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

but they need to improve the product, and that’s where I come in

Oct 14, 2022 8:45:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

They are likely to offer me a contract, and I talked with the VP about it. I’m not adverse to it because I have benefits through Liz. But it should give me some bargaining leverage because they’re saving not having to give me full bennies

Oct 14, 2022 8:45:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It also gives both parties time to make sure the fit is right

Oct 14, 2022 8:45:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

at the end of the contract I could walk away, no hard feelings

Oct 14, 2022 8:48:51 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Great way to wrap up the week of interviews

Oct 14, 2022 8:54:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

indeed.

Oct 14, 2022 8:54:47 PM Me

will be curious to see how I sleep this weekend and how I feel come Monday

Oct 14, 2022 8:55:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This could be a lot of fun because they’re a smallish team so we’ll be able to pivot more easily

Oct 14, 2022 8:56:06 PM Me

Plus I’ll have more of an impact than I would at an Amazon or Google — although a great learning experience

Oct 15, 2022 1:59:35 AM Me

Darrell She’s done with me. Said it to me tonight. I’m so gutted

Oct 15, 2022 2:00:01 AM Me

None of this makes any sense

Oct 15, 2022 2:00:28 AM Me

I’m most likely gonna be up all night so text me if you want

Oct 15, 2022 2:03:22 AM +13038752587

What happened

Oct 15, 2022 2:19:14 AM Me

She was out and came home. While she was out I texted her about getting the offer. She did the thumb up reply

Oct 15, 2022 2:19:58 AM Me

When she got home she said nothing to me about it and found it weird she didn’t ask one question not even the name of the company.

Oct 15, 2022 2:20:20 AM Me

Was a ghost 👻 moment

Oct 15, 2022 2:20:26 AM Me

Like I wasn’t there

Oct 15, 2022 2:21:09 AM Me

So I texted “no curiosity? About the offer”

Oct 15, 2022 2:21:32 AM Me

I could see she read it but still no reply

Oct 15, 2022 2:22:18 AM Me

So I went upstairs to ask in case she was busy etc.

Oct 15, 2022 2:23:44 AM Me

I said to her I found it weird she didn’t ask me questions w

Oct 15, 2022 2:24:20 AM Me

I thought she’d be baseline curios even if distracted

Oct 15, 2022 2:25:58 AM Me

We started talking, and it comes to this moment where she says “I’m done” “I told you I was done back in December”

Oct 15, 2022 2:28:16 AM Me

Once I asked her to confirm what she just said it was crystal clear what was being communicated

Oct 15, 2022 2:28:41 AM Me

She said she was done the night it happened

Oct 15, 2022 2:29:42 AM Me

So I’ve lived an entire year of my life incredibly depressed and anxious and have had my worst nightmare and worst fear come to be real

Oct 15, 2022 2:30:06 AM Me

That started at 11pm 2.5 hours ago

Oct 15, 2022 2:30:28 AM Me

I sat on the end of her bed crying for a long time

Oct 15, 2022 2:31:21 AM Me

And then started talking out loud between the long sessions of tears trying to make sense of it all.

Oct 15, 2022 2:31:41 AM Me

Today isn’t real

Oct 15, 2022 2:32:18 AM Me

I don’t want a future without her But no future for me

Oct 15, 2022 2:33:00 AM Me

The talk wasn’t planned, we fell into it

Oct 15, 2022 2:33:11 AM Me

No tears on her end

Oct 15, 2022 2:35:18 AM Me

I won’t be able to go to Christmas with my family any more

Oct 15, 2022 2:35:27 AM Me

No more holidays

Oct 15, 2022 2:35:40 AM Me

I don’t want to start my fucking life over

Oct 15, 2022 2:36:08 AM Me

I just want my life back from before Covid in my depression and all the drinking, but I can’t have it back

Oct 15, 2022 2:36:38 AM Me

And seems like I can’t have it going forward

Oct 15, 2022 2:37:37 AM +13038752587

Do not despair. Do not allow the negative matrix to suck you in. All is not lost.

Oct 15, 2022 2:37:55 AM Me

I’m already down the rabbit hole

Oct 15, 2022 2:38:18 AM Me

My depression was really bad last week in Kona, and this triggered me hard

Oct 15, 2022 2:39:02 AM Me

I don’t even know how I will function next week. I can’t stop thinking about it

Oct 15, 2022 2:39:38 AM Me

And the dark thoughts are back too I won’t lie or mask

Oct 15, 2022 2:40:18 AM Me

I have a number in the text for the national suicide hotline, so I can reach out to them if I need to

Oct 15, 2022 2:40:44 AM Me

I can’t believe that I just said that

Oct 15, 2022 2:42:12 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It’s ok. If you feel you want to call them. You should.

Oct 15, 2022 2:43:07 AM Me

I just feel so incredibly lost in the middle of the ocean all by myself

Oct 15, 2022 2:43:28 AM Me

My fears are coming true

Oct 15, 2022 2:44:20 AM Me

I don’t wanna keep you up man. You can go to sleep

Oct 15, 2022 2:45:04 AM Me

My brain is on the carousel going in circles. And my brain hurts a lot right now because of all the crying

Oct 15, 2022 2:45:15 AM +13038752587

I am happy to stay up and chat with you. A few thoughts 💭

Oct 15, 2022 2:45:29 AM Me

I am back to spontaneous crying that I can’t hold back it just comes out of me

Oct 15, 2022 2:46:45 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I am here. Giving you a hug 🫂

Oct 15, 2022 2:47:20 AM Me

Honestly I just don’t know if I can do this anymore

Oct 15, 2022 2:47:35 AM Me

All this emotion shit and working on myself and trying to get better

Oct 15, 2022 2:48:34 AM Me

I mean tonight talking with her I was sharing things that I withheld from her long ago only because my depression was lying to me and telling me I wasn’t worthy and that she didn’t give a shit about me. Now I find that when I share these things it seems to be OK to share them.

Oct 15, 2022 2:48:57 AM Me

Many years ago I got some bad advice from a psychologist who told me that I should share what I’m thinking with my wife if I don’t want to be perceived as the broken one.

Oct 15, 2022 2:49:14 AM Me

Shouldn’t

Oct 15, 2022 2:49:24 AM Me

Not should

Oct 15, 2022 2:50:00 AM Me

Anyhow that was easily 10 years ago and from that moment I definitely started holding back and sharing about all my anxiety and depressive thinking with Liz

Oct 15, 2022 2:51:13 AM Me

The feeling of not wanting to be here, and be gone keeps coming at me like sets of waves. It will hit me subside it’ll hit me again subside and then it’ll be quiet for a while and that the feeling of thoughts come back again in sets

Oct 15, 2022 2:51:54 AM Me

I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight.

Oct 15, 2022 2:52:02 AM Me

Bye

Oct 15, 2022 2:52:09 AM Me

Wait

Oct 15, 2022 2:52:27 AM Me

Did it mean by, I’m using the microphone to type so he gets things wrong all the time and then I tap the wrong damn thing

Oct 15, 2022 2:52:49 AM Me

I’m gonna put on my jacket and go for a walk outside

Oct 15, 2022 2:53:13 AM Me

Hopefully I don’t run into the campus security guy

Oct 15, 2022 2:54:28 AM Me

Besides you being awake I hope that I didn’t wake up anybody else there

Oct 15, 2022 2:55:53 AM +13038752587

Fresh air is a good idea.

Oct 15, 2022 2:58:50 AM +13038752587

They are all asleep

Oct 15, 2022 3:02:00 AM Me

She said I made her scared a lot and that she has no trust. This was during the dark depression days of Covid when I was numbing with lots of booze and weed

Oct 15, 2022 3:04:02 AM Me

I explained how my mind was telling me no one cared and lying to me that she didn’t care. At the time everyone was avoiding me so it reinforced the lies

Oct 15, 2022 3:05:05 AM Me

I think she’s thinking I would behave like that again, hence I’m done and don’t even want to be in that situation

Oct 15, 2022 3:07:25 AM Me

I know I wasn’t right in the mind and should have gone to get help, but I was inside Major Depressive disorders darkest days and I could barely brush my teeth let alone show will power and get into a clinic for help

Oct 15, 2022 3:07:53 AM Me

I wish someone had done that for me.

Oct 15, 2022 3:08:34 AM Me

I was fine in my misery and the depression didn’t want anything changed

Oct 15, 2022 3:08:59 AM Me

Shame

Oct 15, 2022 3:09:02 AM Me

Guilt

Oct 15, 2022 3:09:36 AM Me

The feeling of LOSS hits the pit of my stomach

Oct 15, 2022 3:09:55 AM Me

I’m losing my family 😢

Oct 15, 2022 3:10:31 AM +13038752587

No, you are not losing your family.

Oct 15, 2022 3:11:03 AM ⇲ Me

Divorce = no family to me

Oct 15, 2022 3:10:32 AM Me

I will grow old by myself and die alone

Oct 15, 2022 3:11:03 AM ⇱ Me

Divorce = no family to me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:11:10 AM +13038752587

You are telling me about a future you don’t want.

Oct 15, 2022 3:11:18 AM Me

I have kids, but nonfamily

Oct 15, 2022 3:12:19 AM Me

I told Liz very clearly in my letter about the future that I wanted. With us retiring and her being able to do races and ride horses and do her art while I kept the lights on. We could travel and at some point maybe grandkids

Oct 15, 2022 3:12:20 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did she say divorce? Or just “done”

Oct 15, 2022 3:12:26 AM Me

Done

Oct 15, 2022 3:12:46 AM Me

I said divorce out loud and lost it in front of her

Oct 15, 2022 3:12:53 AM Me

I nearly fell to the floor

Oct 15, 2022 3:14:02 AM Me

Oh, I’m not sure you recall from early on but she said before I left for Colorado that I would come back and we would regroup and talk with the counselor. Well that was a year ago and it never happened. I have never been able to explain myself clearly, but I don’t think any explanation is going to help.

Oct 15, 2022 3:18:39 AM +13038752587

How did the conversation end with Liz tonight.

Oct 15, 2022 3:19:02 AM Me

When I explain what I remember in my perspective, one can see how I realized the moment some thing was wrong and she was upset I stopped and focused on her. I had no idea in that moment that what we were doing was not consensual. The whole time I had thought things were consensual, but apparently weren't. she said she told me NO earlier in the day, and then told me no downstairs in the kitchen before heading upstairs, but then when we got upstairs things proceeded like they did any other time there was intimacy... Music, massage etc. Same routine dozens of times And then I I see she’s upset I stop everything and try to understand why she’s crying.

Oct 15, 2022 3:19:46 AM Me

But I'm made to feel that my perspective, doesn't matter

Oct 15, 2022 3:20:55 AM Me

mainly because I hurt her, and the fact I was drunk creates an assumption I don't remember

Oct 15, 2022 3:21:28 AM Me

Remember anything clearly accurately

Oct 15, 2022 3:23:02 AM Me

Let’s not forget leading up to this we hadn’t had intimacy in months and I was wanting to. Once I thought things were consentual I was excited who wouldn't be

Oct 15, 2022 3:23:35 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What you just said above. Did you share this with Liz after that night

Oct 15, 2022 3:23:53 AM Me

The Fact that she can’t understand that I would never hurt her, and that I would literally take a bullet for her is really confusing

Oct 15, 2022 3:24:35 AM Me

Just tonight

Oct 15, 2022 3:24:47 AM Me

I’ve kept an incredibly low profile since it was asked for

Oct 15, 2022 3:25:14 AM Me

When I’ve mentioned before that it’s a struggle to get them to say hello once a day I’m not kidding

Oct 15, 2022 3:25:38 AM Me

I said tonight that I’m still waiting for that conversation that was supposed to happen a year ago

Oct 15, 2022 3:28:48 AM Me

I felt invisible and forgotten by her for a long time because of lack of connection

Oct 15, 2022 3:29:32 AM Me

I told her I felt forgotten in early days of covid

Oct 15, 2022 3:30:00 AM Me

She said sorry is a sad way, and that was the last on that topic

Oct 15, 2022 3:30:53 AM Me

I feel I'm being made to feel like everything is my fucking fault

Oct 15, 2022 3:32:07 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Understandable, but obviously not the truth

Oct 15, 2022 3:31:42 AM Me

And don’t even begin to dream of the idea that I would tell Liz it’s her fault for forgetting me all the time that led to that night. None of that night was her fault

Oct 15, 2022 3:33:21 AM (Read by you after 42 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

There is no fault. There is accountability.

Oct 15, 2022 3:32:07 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Understandable, but obviously not the truth
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:32:15 AM Me

Things before that night maybe, but my actions that night or what created the problem

Oct 15, 2022 3:33:21 AM (Read by you after 42 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

There is no fault. There is accountability.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:34:49 AM Me

How does accountability work in this situation. I am not trying to be a pain in the ass, I am just a little slow in the brain from all the crying and it being the middle of the night morning

Oct 15, 2022 3:35:11 AM Me

I’m still awake, and don’t feel tired really

Oct 15, 2022 3:35:30 AM +13038752587

Fault implies right or wrong, good or bad, judgement

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Oct 15, 2022 3:35:38 AM Me

I have a full size bath towel that is completely wet from my tears

Oct 15, 2022 3:35:43 AM Me

Soaked

Oct 15, 2022 3:36:05 AM Me

I almost cannot touch my eyes because they are so puffy and sting

Oct 15, 2022 3:37:16 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Accountability is about seeing how you did or did not do something that contributed to a situation.

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Oct 15, 2022 3:41:30 AM ⇲ Me

I feel like I’m pretty clear on accountability. And Dave openly apologize to Elizabeth for my actions for hurting her for being drunk and for the depression but I didn’t have any control over that part

Oct 15, 2022 3:41:49 AM ⇲ Me

and Dave = and I've

Oct 15, 2022 3:40:29 AM +13038752587

I want to ask you to spend time on thinking about a future you do want. Let go of the past. Let go of the stories of what you don’t want.

Oct 15, 2022 3:43:18 AM ⇲ Me

The future I want is what I wrote to Elizabeth back in June, and I reminded her that about that tonight. I mentioned about growing old together and having grandkids and all of that. I was hoping to take her to Tahiti or Bora-Bora for our 25th wedding anniversary and after she retired from Thacher we could travel to different races and have fun

Oct 15, 2022 3:43:46 AM ⇲ Me

I can see it in my head, but I’ll be honest I don’t think it’s happening

Oct 15, 2022 3:44:45 AM ⇲ Me

Liz either an incredible poker player, or is already long past processing all of this. I was surprised at how stoic she seemed in light of all my crying and blibbering

Oct 15, 2022 3:45:25 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You must continue to see this in your head. And you must have faith in it becoming a reality

Oct 15, 2022 3:41:30 AM ⇱ Me

I feel like I’m pretty clear on accountability. And Dave openly apologize to Elizabeth for my actions for hurting her for being drunk and for the depression but I didn’t have any control over that part
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:41:49 AM ⇱ Me

and Dave = and I've
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:43:18 AM ⇱ Me

The future I want is what I wrote to Elizabeth back in June, and I reminded her that about that tonight. I mentioned about growing old together and having grandkids and all of that. I was hoping to take her to Tahiti or Bora-Bora for our 25th wedding anniversary and after she retired from Thacher we could travel to different races and have fun
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:43:46 AM ⇱ Me

I can see it in my head, but I’ll be honest I don’t think it’s happening
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:44:45 AM ⇱ Me

Liz either an incredible poker player, or is already long past processing all of this. I was surprised at how stoic she seemed in light of all my crying and blibbering
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:45:25 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You must continue to see this in your head. And you must have faith in it becoming a reality
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:46:22 AM Me

Since I wrote that in June that’s been the case, but I have weak moments as you know and text you about them. That being said the conversation today made me throw everything into doubt

Oct 15, 2022 3:46:57 AM Me

She seemed very much of my mind has been made up

Oct 15, 2022 3:47:26 AM Me

But dude, I called it

Oct 15, 2022 3:48:07 AM Me

I did ask how long she was going to drag me along. Not telling me this and letting me continue to walk around anxious and depressed about possibilities

Oct 15, 2022 3:48:35 AM Me

She had an assumption that I knew it was all over From last December

Oct 15, 2022 3:50:23 AM Me

And you know honesty just for the record I would rather be dead than to not have my family, and have to start my life over again Honest to goodness. That seems like 10 Mount Everest to climb

Oct 15, 2022 3:51:41 AM Me

Also I have lost all excitement about receiving the details of the offer on Monday. I could almost not care at this point

Oct 15, 2022 3:52:43 AM +13038752587

So its fair to say you are motivated to do what needs to be done to fight for the relationship and your family

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Oct 15, 2022 3:53:57 AM ⇲ Me

I know I’m all Lynn, I just know that she’s not

Oct 15, 2022 3:53:18 AM Me

Also I don’t think Liz realizes it but if she does divorce me she hast to give me half of her retirement 😱

Oct 15, 2022 3:53:57 AM ⇱ Me

I know I’m all Lynn, I just know that she’s not
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 3:54:09 AM Me

All in

Oct 15, 2022 3:55:08 AM +13038752587

This is about you being all in.

Oct 15, 2022 3:55:31 AM Me

Yes. I am

Oct 15, 2022 3:55:38 AM Me

But it takes 2

Oct 15, 2022 3:56:21 AM Me

It’s awesome it’s 3 AM I’m outside and there’s this mist that when you touch it makes you wet

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Oct 15, 2022 3:56:41 AM Me

Like pea soup

Oct 15, 2022 3:57:36 AM +13038752587

You only have to be concerned with your commitment to playing all out

Oct 15, 2022 3:58:04 AM +13038752587

Full out

Oct 15, 2022 3:58:26 AM Me

That’s just it, I’ve been withholding myself for a long time. For years, even years before Covid simply because I felt like too much of a bother

Oct 15, 2022 3:59:15 AM Me

What does full out mean? Not sure what you mean by that

Oct 15, 2022 3:59:31 AM Me

Does that mean walking around in being positive all the time?

Oct 15, 2022 3:59:40 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Different words for all in

Oct 15, 2022 3:59:46 AM Me

The better question to think about is what does full out look like

Oct 15, 2022 4:00:03 AM +13038752587

Same meaning - that you are 100% committed

Oct 15, 2022 4:00:22 AM Me

Yes, Or I will be committed

Oct 15, 2022 4:00:30 AM +13038752587

To creating the life you want

Oct 15, 2022 4:00:34 AM Me

To loony bin

Oct 15, 2022 4:01:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I just heard bugs say What’s up doc 😀

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Oct 15, 2022 4:02:32 AM +13038752587

Step one repeat what you want to your self 10x

Oct 15, 2022 4:02:40 AM +13038752587

Step two is get some sleep

Oct 15, 2022 4:03:21 AM Me

Feel broken

Oct 15, 2022 4:03:34 AM +13038752587

Step 3 is focus on getting a great offer. Be excited about it.

Oct 15, 2022 4:04:23 AM +13038752587

The next steps will then be revealed

Oct 15, 2022 4:04:31 AM Me

K

Oct 15, 2022 4:04:47 AM Me

Ping me tomorrow and let me know how you’re doing after you get some sleep

Oct 15, 2022 4:05:36 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Ditto

Oct 15, 2022 4:05:03 AM Me

Also I need login details in a little more info to Design that screen for you

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Oct 15, 2022 4:05:36 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Ditto
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 4:05:43 AM Me

See where does an ADD autistic brain go to after talking about emotions? He goes to work

Oct 15, 2022 4:07:25 AM +13038752587

A big hug 🤗 Much love ❤️

Oct 15, 2022 4:07:54 AM Me

And to think about five hours ago I was looking forward to enjoying the shit out of this weekend and now this

Oct 15, 2022 4:08:29 AM Me

I weirdly thought that things were finally going to start going in a positive direction and it’s like the universe slapped me in the face

Oct 15, 2022 4:09:32 AM +13038752587

Although it may not appear or feel like it. Things are going in a positive direction.

Oct 15, 2022 4:09:37 AM Me

I mean I should’ve been doing somersaults when I read their email, but my responsewas weirdly flat

Oct 15, 2022 4:10:25 AM Me

Tempered joy

Oct 15, 2022 4:10:26 AM +13038752587

There is no prescribed reaction. And I heard excitement in your text to me

Oct 15, 2022 4:10:31 AM Me

That’s the phrase that comes to mind

Oct 15, 2022 4:12:03 AM Me

I mean seriously it’s like the one of the best piece of excellent news I’ve gotten in a very long time, tempered by the other news I receive later this evening that I did not want to hear

Oct 15, 2022 4:14:15 AM Me

I think what really hurts is that my love is unconditional, but hers isn't, or doesn't feel that way

Oct 15, 2022 4:14:23 AM Me

That might be the court thing that really hurts

Oct 15, 2022 4:15:23 AM Me

I’m just having a hard time coming to terms with her giving up on me

Oct 15, 2022 4:15:40 AM +13038752587

Appreciate your love Judge not another’s love

Oct 15, 2022 4:16:42 AM Me

When I was in my darkest moments I remember begging her in the bedroom to not give up on me because I knew how depressed I was and how it was affecting people. I felt like nobody cared, because nobody talked to me, or interacted with me, or anything. Everybody pretty much avoided me which made me go deeper into myself in buying the more of my depressed lying inside my head

Oct 15, 2022 4:17:35 AM Me

I felt like she was going to leave me before the incident happened when I think about it. That’s how it felt to me that it was going to happen

Oct 15, 2022 4:17:54 AM Me

Of course all of that is inside a very depressed and not well brain

Oct 15, 2022 4:18:07 AM +13038752587

I don’t believe she has give up on you.

Oct 15, 2022 4:18:54 AM Me

I'm pretty sure she has. She can be stubborn if pushed

Oct 15, 2022 4:19:18 AM +13038752587

Don’t push 😀

Oct 15, 2022 4:20:04 AM +13038752587

Focus all your attention on yourself and creating the future you want

Oct 15, 2022 4:21:12 AM ⇲ Me

I’ve actually felt very selfish for how much time I have focused on myself this past year. I feel more selfish and self-centered and I have it any other time in my life which is a weird feeling.

Oct 15, 2022 4:20:19 AM Me

That’s just say I haven’t pushed at all. I’ve been very hands off and in the backseat because I understood that time and space was of the upmost importance

Oct 15, 2022 4:21:12 AM ⇱ Me

I’ve actually felt very selfish for how much time I have focused on myself this past year. I feel more selfish and self-centered and I have it any other time in my life which is a weird feeling.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 4:21:16 AM +13038752587

Steps 1,2 and 3

Oct 15, 2022 4:21:58 AM Me

Man I just know the depression‘s coming

Oct 15, 2022 4:22:35 AM Me

I have had it enough that I can see a storm on the horizon type of thing

Oct 15, 2022 4:24:35 AM Me

I gave my marriage to Iron Man

Oct 15, 2022 4:24:38 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Well then, you have time to grab you rain coat, galoshes and an umbrella to prepare to dance in the rain

Oct 15, 2022 4:25:45 AM Me

Honestly it would’ve been really great to get a thank you for all the support for all the years

Oct 15, 2022 4:26:04 AM +13038752587

Ok - so go do steps 1 and 2 and call me when you wake up

Oct 15, 2022 4:26:09 AM Me

Not even in a flat platonic way

Oct 15, 2022 4:29:04 AM Me

My brain is tired and I’m rambling about nonsensical things now like the story about needing I think you

Oct 15, 2022 4:29:23 AM Me

A thank you

Oct 15, 2022 4:29:49 AM Me

It’s funny when I read some of the texts I send you.

Oct 15, 2022 4:30:00 AM Me

It’s like I hear you saying to me “that’s a nice story”

Oct 15, 2022 4:30:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

😀

Oct 15, 2022 4:31:14 AM Me

I have no freaking idea how I will do this, but I want to stay married to Liz because I love her dearly. I have to figure out how to earn her trust

Oct 15, 2022 4:31:29 AM Me

I don’t have her trust at all.

Oct 15, 2022 4:31:30 AM +13038752587

And you will

Oct 15, 2022 4:32:00 AM Me

Well if that were to happen then maybe we would stay together

Oct 15, 2022 4:32:17 AM +13038752587

Step by step

Oct 15, 2022 4:33:06 AM +13038752587

I’m signing off. Go do steps 1,2 and 3

Oct 15, 2022 4:33:16 AM Me

I just had this weird déjà vu like I am in the same place where I was at this time last year

Oct 15, 2022 4:35:45 AM Me

K gnite

Oct 15, 2022 4:35:47 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

In 5 mins I want you to text me. “I repeated to myself what I want my future to be. And I’m going to sleep”

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Oct 15, 2022 4:37:12 AM +13038752587

💤

Oct 15, 2022 4:44:20 AM Me

Ok

Oct 15, 2022 4:44:37 AM Me

I did the repeat thing about my future and now I am going to bed

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Oct 15, 2022 4:44:45 AM Me

I did cry a bit while doing it

Oct 15, 2022 8:43:07 AM Me

Woke up with eyes crusted shut Head feels like an axe fell on it

Oct 15, 2022 8:58:00 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

I bet. Today practice self love. Stop and repeat the future you want 10x at least 3 times throughout the day. Also, give thought about the ideal offer for your new job.

Oct 15, 2022 9:57:51 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

This could be worth checking out today. I’ll be listening to it for a bit

Oct 15, 2022 9:57:51 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

https://em.myneurogym.

Oct 15, 2022 10:31:03 AM Me

Hi, I’m awake

Oct 15, 2022 10:31:23 AM Me

My eyes are screwed up

Oct 15, 2022 10:31:53 AM Me

Im awake but honestly wish I didn’t wake up

Oct 15, 2022 10:32:11 AM Me

I’m numb

Oct 15, 2022 10:34:05 AM Me

My apologies for making you very tired today

Oct 15, 2022 10:50:04 AM ⇲ +13038752587

No worries - I’m doing ok

Oct 15, 2022 10:35:06 AM Me

Honestly hard to not keep thinking about not being alive. The suffering ends

Oct 15, 2022 10:36:28 AM Me

And right now there is no end to it. It’s been a year of hard suffering. The most I’ve suffered ever, ever, ever. 1000x more than what I thought was suffering

Oct 15, 2022 10:36:47 AM Me

It’s like part of me is dead inside

Oct 15, 2022 10:46:26 AM Me

She’s up. Not talking because she has her headphones in (as usual) listening to something. She’s so distant. And feels millions of miles farther away than yesterday. This hurts a lot

Oct 15, 2022 10:50:04 AM ⇱ +13038752587

No worries - I’m doing ok
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 10:50:28 AM Me

when I brought up the idea again of us seeing a couples counselor her attitude is why bother. Her mind is made up and as she said, “there’s no going back”

Oct 15, 2022 10:53:00 AM ⇲ +13038752587

There is going forward though - stay in your thoughts if the future you want. Keep repeating it as a mantra

Oct 15, 2022 10:53:12 AM ⇲ Me

K

Oct 15, 2022 10:54:00 AM ⇲ Me

Based on what I see and feel, to borrow a line from the Sex Pistols, “no future for you!!!”

Oct 15, 2022 10:51:18 AM Me

I cannot believe that after nearly 30 years it’s over without even talking through it with guidance

Oct 15, 2022 10:51:35 AM Me

Just totally fucking gutted

Oct 15, 2022 10:52:10 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Find somewhere you can create space for yourself. - get out for a hike

Oct 15, 2022 10:52:24 AM Me

I have no idea what to do. Lost in a sea of tears

Oct 15, 2022 10:52:59 AM Me

I feel worse than I did when I was visiting u last year. Didn’t know that was possible

Oct 15, 2022 10:53:00 AM ⇱ +13038752587

There is going forward though - stay in your thoughts if the future you want. Keep repeating it as a mantra
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Oct 15, 2022 10:53:12 AM ⇱ Me

K
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Oct 15, 2022 10:53:57 AM +13038752587

Out with kids - I’ll be back soon

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Oct 15, 2022 10:54:23 AM ⇲ Me

I’m jealous

Oct 15, 2022 10:54:49 AM ⇲ Me

it’s going to gut me to tell the boys

Oct 15, 2022 10:55:09 AM ⇲ Me

My boys are going to be crushed by this

Oct 15, 2022 10:55:20 AM ⇲ Me

And I’m to blame

Oct 15, 2022 6:29:09 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No - your not. It takes two n a relationship.

Oct 15, 2022 10:54:00 AM ⇱ Me

Based on what I see and feel, to borrow a line from the Sex Pistols, “no future for you!!!”
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Oct 15, 2022 10:54:23 AM ⇱ Me

I’m jealous
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 10:54:49 AM ⇱ Me

it’s going to gut me to tell the boys
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 10:55:09 AM ⇱ Me

My boys are going to be crushed by this
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 10:55:20 AM ⇱ Me

And I’m to blame
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Oct 15, 2022 10:57:32 AM Me

I totally forgot about the job offer until you mentioned it above

Oct 15, 2022 10:59:54 AM Me

I realize I keep texting. I’ll chill for a bit. I don’t have another outlet for thoughts that bounce around in my head.

Oct 15, 2022 6:31:20 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 9 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Text away

Oct 15, 2022 11:00:41 AM Me

I just realized I should start going thru my shit and packing up

Oct 15, 2022 6:31:58 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 31 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Did she ask you to start packing?

Oct 15, 2022 11:16:54 AM Me

Oct 15, 2022 11:43:10 AM Me

For some reason that’s how Saturday sounds in my head

Oct 15, 2022 11:43:18 AM Me

And what a turd day it is

Oct 15, 2022 11:43:28 AM Me

An incredibly sad for me

Oct 15, 2022 11:44:51 AM Me

The first time I could confidently hit all eight buttons on how I feel today. And relationship is the thing that I selected on top

Oct 15, 2022 12:10:43 PM Me

Hey I was just thinking you need to send me the info to get that work done. It’s a misty wet day here, which is quite uncommon. The user experience of the morning really fits the mood for me today Reminds me of wet mornings in a big city

Oct 15, 2022 12:13:07 PM Me

Also about two minutes ago maybe three it really hit me there is no going back. I keep looking at pictures from early in our relationship and I can see the love of there. My attachment to wanting that feeling back is a big part of my suffering. if not all of it.

Oct 15, 2022 12:13:32 PM Me

It felt amazing to feel loved

Oct 15, 2022 12:15:13 PM Me

Oct 15, 2022 1:40:26 PM Me

Hello, my mind has been racing all morning. Anxiety has a way of fueling crazy thinking I folded laundry and it helped slow down things. Heavy sadness and a deep understanding of how I contributed to the current situation. So much behavior driven from a place of fear, perceived failure, shame, guilt, and emotional and interpersonal immaturity. Also, the Inability to speak my truth, self advocate, ask for something I want or need help with, and inability to share what I’m thinking because of shame. All that part of me is survival. It’s who I was as a kid. A part of me that’s frozen in time and sadly where I operated from when depressed.

Oct 15, 2022 4:04:54 PM Me

Apple Cash

Oct 15, 2022 4:04:54 PM Me

This is for the work. Send me details and I can make a first pass

Oct 15, 2022 4:30:35 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll have to put money in Apple Pay. Out right now. But I can get this taken care of tomorrow

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Oct 15, 2022 4:31:31 PM Me

will you be online later?

Oct 15, 2022 4:32:19 PM +13038752587

Should be

Oct 15, 2022 6:29:09 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No - your not. It takes two n a relationship.
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Oct 15, 2022 6:31:20 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 9 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Text away
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Oct 15, 2022 6:31:58 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 31 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Did she ask you to start packing?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2022 6:54:12 PM Me

no, she didn’t ask me to pack

Oct 15, 2022 6:54:44 PM Me

but I’m also like a ghost in this house

Oct 15, 2022 6:56:43 PM Me

I think I made a huge mistake giving her all the room and space. I should have asked for counseling right away. I think she’s used to not having me part of her life—she’s made it through this past year just fine. But then I’ve always felt secondary to other things from her since at least 2014

Oct 15, 2022 6:58:29 PM Me

Honestly, I just dont know how to navigate this part of my life really well, but I’m going to find out

Oct 15, 2022 7:12:44 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 33 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

One step at a time

Oct 15, 2022 9:46:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

THX!

Oct 15, 2022 9:47:15 PM Me

when you have time I would love your feedback on these 2 links before Monday if possible

Oct 15, 2022 9:47:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Built In

Oct 15, 2022 9:47:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://levels.fyi/services

Oct 15, 2022 9:48:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this is my field

Oct 15, 2022 9:48:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Levels.fyi

Oct 15, 2022 9:49:58 PM Me

and also take a look at this PDF

Oct 15, 2022 9:51:52 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check them out tomorrow- off to bed. Sleep well 😴

Oct 15, 2022 9:51:59 PM Me

k

Oct 15, 2022 9:52:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

u too

Oct 15, 2022 9:52:06 PM Me

off to bed soon

Oct 15, 2022 9:54:24 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Click to download Aquent_Salary_Guide_2022-opt.pdf (6.46 MB)

Oct 15, 2022 11:49:52 PM Me

You might like this short talk. Good for when you’re on the bike or trail.

Oct 15, 2022 11:49:53 PM Me

https://insig.ht/bdRjBq8haub

Oct 16, 2022 10:42:00 AM Me

Depressions back

Oct 16, 2022 10:45:17 AM Me

From moment eyes open until I pass out each night from exhaustion (mental) it’s no fun.

Oct 16, 2022 10:45:47 AM Me

How is your Sunday

Oct 16, 2022 11:54:31 AM Me

You around today?

Oct 16, 2022 12:03:01 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

In and out

Oct 16, 2022 12:05:02 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

It is important to counter your depression with a compelling future. Repeat your ideal future you created often

Oct 16, 2022 12:13:03 PM Me

Ok. I did repeat the mantra yesterday. Going to go hike shortly to get some air and then back to work on my website updates.

Oct 16, 2022 12:13:24 PM Me

Are you gonna send me the details on the website today? I need a login and password to start styling it

Oct 16, 2022 12:32:33 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

When I get home later

Oct 16, 2022 12:35:45 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

In addition imagine your future in as much details and feel how good it feels. This is going to be your daily ritual to do at least three times a day. I suggest you spend 1/3 your hike on future, 1/3 on amazing job offer and 1/3 on being present to the surroundings

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Oct 16, 2022 1:07:31 PM Me

Oct 16, 2022 1:07:39 PM Me

Great timing I’m literally walking up to the trail head now

Oct 16, 2022 1:08:03 PM Me

Also I had a big moment of clarity this morning

Oct 16, 2022 1:14:48 PM Me

Here is said trail head coming in from the right and then going to the left and then up

Oct 16, 2022 1:14:50 PM Me

Oct 16, 2022 1:27:40 PM Me

I have noticed a shift in my reaction to Liz this morning. She was a bit upset about coda running off chasing squirrels. Creates bad habits that show up when she's at the barn with her and a bunch of horses. Not good Anyway, Liz was in Fattic with her voice the expression on her face mannerisms etc. in a way that I'm familiar with except I didn't Sheila cowering which is what I would typically feel.

Oct 16, 2022 1:28:38 PM Me

I also understand that Liz thinks she's talking to the version of me from last year, last summer. She think she's talking to a person that honestly in someways doesn't exist. The core of me is still here obviously but my head is definitely shift it on things.

Oct 16, 2022 1:31:33 PM Me

I feel in many ways she has no idea who I am now, she has no idea of the amount of suffering introspection learning work meditation etc. that I've done in the past 14 months. There's no way that it could not change you in someway, and I was most definitely looking for a big change. It's hard for me a times to see myself from outside, hell it's nearly impossible. but in that moment I realized I reacted in a way that I aspire to, and I did it automatically without thinking and then was aware of it and then I almost had a smile on my face while Liz was looking at me berating about the dog I made sure she knew I heard her and as that moment when away we went about our days all of this suddenly became very clear to me that she's talking to me in a way or to the old Bert scolding me because because I would it's like, it's like my reaction to my dad

Oct 16, 2022 1:40:21 PM Me

Also something that became very clear to me. I asked her to tell me how she is feeling. I asked her to tell me about you know her feelings of around you know us whatever you know around things and she never really answers the question she answers it by saying something along the lines I'm paraphrasing here "what do you think my feelings would be, you raped me." And I realize that her feeling is just that she feels that word, the "r" word. I have a blank spot, lack of understanding on how she would think I would ever be capable of that. We been together nearly 30 years and all of a sudden I'm a rapist? WTF And I've asked her and the response is that I scared her, I intimidated her she was frightened of me. I didn't know that until way later on deep into the depression and drinking and getting high. I've been very clear to her that I love her beyond measure, that I would take a bullet for her I would die for her. And it's not within my DNA to harm her in anyway. Even if I was intoxicated. I may have been intoxicated but I wasn't blacked out I wasn't unconscious. I was not myself when that happened. I was mentally ill deeply mentally ill and in copious amounts of alcohol and pot and you have a hot mess on your hands Now what she does not understand is that even in that state of mind I never would do that to her ever ever ever. That night the moment, the millisecond I sensed something not right I jumped right up and was right next to her asking what was wrong what is the matter what's going on what's the matter I had no idea because she hit her face and head under a pillow, the lights were low, the music was on, I was giving her a massage, we've done this routine many many times. There was nothing unusual about any part of that night except that if she didn't want me on her she should've turned and shouted in my face. She hid her face expression and voice and she didn't move her legs or anything in any kind of weird way, she was her body language was totally normal but she was suffering under the pillow and I, word on my mothers life, I had no goddamn idea that was going on.

Oct 16, 2022 1:42:21 PM Me

She also mentioned some thing the other night that came back to me and that was, you would stand next to me on looking over me while I was sleeping. Yes I did do that, and she's thinking I'm standing there wanting to hurt her, when it's absolutely the opposite I am so lonely for the slightest bit of compassion, touch, anything to let me know that I'm worth something. And they would stand there and cry from all the rejection and she's laying right there and I so close but I can't be with her. I respect her so much and it hurts me so much to be in the situation.

Oct 16, 2022 1:45:28 PM Me

The final rub is that around this clarity is my inability to share this with her and have it really sink in. I feel like there is this giant gap in our understanding of each other. I don't fully understand her feelings, and that's partly because I don't inquire as much as I should, and when I do ask I just get fine. I can explain my perspective to her, and she will never see it. Which is completely and totally understandable. But I submit what if someone else were to explain to her what I've shared. If she hears it from someone else who isn't me who is talk to me about this event perhaps she could have a better understanding. There is no way I can change how you she feels, or what has been done, but we can change understanding through a full and complete transparency of the thinking decisions and actions of that evening At least that's what I think. Let me know what you think

Oct 16, 2022 1:47:05 PM Me

I feel this Bigly

Oct 16, 2022 2:11:14 PM Me

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On the peak

Oct 16, 2022 2:12:40 PM Me

Did you get all the text I sent from this image back to the trail head image?

Oct 16, 2022 2:12:59 PM Me

I ask because it’s showing up green on my phone and these things I’m sending you now have a blue background and I’m unsure if they totally went through to you

Oct 16, 2022 2:19:32 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

I got it

Oct 16, 2022 2:19:36 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Good insights

Oct 16, 2022 2:22:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

I think there is more fear and she had an emotional release at that moment. It was a trigger for how she has been feeling. I don’t know if she feels physically violated as much as emotionally

Oct 16, 2022 2:25:31 PM Me

I have a little to no insight into her inner world. She doesn’t share her fears and feelings with me

Oct 16, 2022 2:26:02 PM Me

That combine with having patchy blind spots for communication through body language and facial expression an audio tone like makes it so hard to navigate

Oct 16, 2022 2:26:24 PM Me

So in that struggle to communicate on my side I would retreat and just bottle shit up

Oct 16, 2022 2:27:08 PM Me

I should’ve been telling her I feel forgotten every week, or whenever I felt it instead of just going it’s nothing keep going. Or thinking that by sharing that I feel forgotten, I’m somehow week or not a man

Oct 16, 2022 2:30:32 PM +13038752587

Lots of conditioned beliefs rolling around imagine

Oct 16, 2022 2:30:55 PM Me

For both of us? For me to?

Oct 16, 2022 2:31:16 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

Both - shit everyone

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Oct 16, 2022 2:32:03 PM Me

Oct 16, 2022 2:32:14 PM Me

A pano from the top

Oct 16, 2022 2:32:30 PM Me

The peek behind me has a cloud sitting on the top of it as do many of the other higher peaks

Oct 16, 2022 2:32:48 PM Me

It’s great weather for hiking cool and overcast, I’m not getting cooked

Oct 16, 2022 2:32:49 PM +13038752587

Beautiful fall day

Oct 16, 2022 2:33:21 PM Me

Summertime making it 115 120 where I’m standing right now on this peak it’s exposed hard sandstone a bit crushed

Oct 16, 2022 2:33:47 PM Me

Radiant heat from below, sun ☀️ cooking from above

Oct 16, 2022 2:33:57 PM Me

MF hot 🥵

Oct 16, 2022 2:34:53 PM Me

K I’m hiking down and then I may run an errand with Declan to the market but then I’m going to be on the computer for sometime and working on my stuff, but also ready to crank out that site if you wanna shoot me the details

Oct 16, 2022 2:36:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did you give thought to the offer you would like for the new position

Oct 16, 2022 2:37:36 PM ⇲ Me

Yes

Oct 16, 2022 2:37:02 PM Me

Also I mantrad “I want my wife in my life in the future” dozens of times up the hill. Got a good Ruth’s going

Oct 16, 2022 2:37:15 PM Me

Rythym not Ruth WTAF

Oct 16, 2022 2:37:36 PM ⇱ Me

Yes
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Oct 16, 2022 2:39:13 PM Me

Did you look at any of those links or the PDF

Oct 16, 2022 2:40:25 PM Me

I’m curious if you were to review that data, those sites all contain data of real world employees salaries submitted I believe anonymously, in any event from these different sites in this data you can glean what you think someone who is doing what I do, senior UX designer, with the number of years experience I have, who lives in the Los Angeles area

Oct 16, 2022 2:41:08 PM Me

If you look at all that data what do you think the average senior UX designer makes in the Los Angeles area,

Oct 16, 2022 2:41:14 PM Me

Much more succinct we clear

Oct 16, 2022 2:41:24 PM Me

Way Not we

Oct 16, 2022 2:42:01 PM Me

And then once you find the average or median, look at the 75th percentile. What’s that range

Oct 16, 2022 2:42:49 PM Me

I know the levers site is legit and known, some of those other links are new to me. But not a quick I’ve known about them for decades. Their data is totally legit

Oct 16, 2022 2:43:07 PM Me

A quick = Aquino

Oct 16, 2022 2:43:11 PM Me

Haha

Oct 16, 2022 2:43:17 PM Me

Aquent

Oct 16, 2022 2:43:46 PM Me

My phone changed Aquent to Aquino when I typed it

Oct 16, 2022 2:43:54 PM Me

For real

Oct 16, 2022 2:44:06 PM Me

That was weird

Oct 16, 2022 2:44:37 PM Me

Oct 16, 2022 2:44:53 PM Me

Bush totally overgrown the trail. I need my machete

Oct 16, 2022 2:48:14 PM Me

I was just thinking that it really breaks my heart that she would think I would do that to her. Truly stabs me right in the heart

Oct 16, 2022 2:48:33 PM Me

Depressed drunk or otherwise I would never do that ever in 1 million fucking years

Oct 16, 2022 2:49:41 PM Me

And that’s what kills me is that me, and in that moment I had no signal say anything was wrong until I saw her face and her voice. Everything else, body language piece everything was like any other night we did massage, etc. I am getting much clearer on this

Oct 16, 2022 3:02:39 PM Me

I’ve never been violent with her in 30 years of us being together, or physically violent. Certainly my father set the bar for that. What I don’t understand is before that event she was scared of me I mean she even said that. I didn’t doubt her, but I didn’t understand, and still do not understand what she thought I was gonna do to her or the kids. I was in the middle of major depressive disorder, so I wasn’t a very pleasant person to be around, I was pretty goddamn negative about just everything. I was told I should get help, and to some degree I agreed. But the depression was a lying motherfucker and convinced me, fuck that, don’t check yourself into a hospital, they take away the things I use to numb me from despair and Depression and nail biting anxiety, keep beating yourself up because you deserve it, you’re not worth it, you are better off dead. So I get it I was miserable to be around, but that’s a mental illness, what the fuck am I supposed to do when I’m the one drowning???? I’m supposed to jump out of the water and grab the lifesaver, and throw it in and save myself?? WTAF Should have interventioned my ass with Derick and Molly and others to convince me to get help and I know I would have done it. The depression was totally in control of me And the depression only wanted my suffering I think you know me pretty well, know who I am at my core. I love people I love animals I love living things I am not evil, I’m not a bad person I’ve tried all my life to be as good a person as I can be otherwise I get the fucking belt, right? It just breaks my heart she thinks I did something that I’m not capable of

Oct 16, 2022 3:03:02 PM Me

Man I’ve never seen it so fucking clearly, I’m crying like a motherfucker right now

Oct 16, 2022 3:03:18 PM Me

And I know you’ve seen me do that

Oct 16, 2022 3:08:38 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Some really good revelations- let the emotions flow out.

Oct 16, 2022 3:16:49 PM Me

As we approached the end of the trail, or the other side trail head the clouds started to break and the sun was shining down on us. It was an amazing hike, I don’t think I’ve ever felt as centered, calm, and lots of gratitude. I feel like a lot of things that have seemed very confusing to me for quite some time came to me in a way where it all made sense suddenly., At least my understanding of everything now makes sense to me, because before what I didn’t understand was that she would think that of me that I was capable of doing that to her. The only thing I could see was my own depression at that time I was so deep in a hole. Wow like 30 seconds went by where I just stared at the garage after I said that and believe me I never wanna go back there.

Oct 16, 2022 3:20:12 PM Me

With clarity, for me, comes more confidence. Simply because of increased understanding. And I have yet to fully understand where Liz is at. She changed after her dad passed. Pulled away from me “metaphorically speaking”

Oct 16, 2022 3:20:52 PM Me

Like I shared earlier, you know as much as I do in regards to what she’s thinking.

Oct 16, 2022 3:21:02 PM Me

Or feeling.

Oct 16, 2022 3:21:47 PM Me

I get either a wall, which means flat monotone minimal conversation. Or restraint because she could unleash

Oct 16, 2022 3:22:14 PM Me

I feel hostility and anger at times

Oct 16, 2022 3:40:47 PM ⇲ Me

Meaning hers

Oct 16, 2022 3:40:38 PM Me

Interestingly I feel not depressed or sad or any of that shit I actually feel OK which feels good actually feels really good because I’m usually in the toilet mentally but I guess having a more elevated mind off of me to think more clearly, go figure

Oct 16, 2022 3:40:47 PM ⇱ Me

Meaning hers
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 16, 2022 3:41:40 PM Me

Oct 16, 2022 3:42:15 PM Me

This is Thacher’s new FIFA sized perfectly flat imitation grass field. It looks like grass it plays like grass and it almost feels like grass, but it’s not

Oct 16, 2022 3:42:34 PM Me

It’s at the end of the canyon we come out of headed back home

Oct 16, 2022 3:43:38 PM Me

OK I promise this will be the last text for a while today, the focus of today’s meditation for me with compassion, passion for all things, all living things, and especially those that we love

Oct 16, 2022 3:43:59 PM Me

Compassion for all beings

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Oct 16, 2022 5:23:44 PM Me

Talked with Liz. Wasn’t great

Oct 16, 2022 5:29:47 PM Me

Got emotional of course. But it’s the first time I’ve been able to speak and not feel inferior She didn’t receive me well Anything I say about that evening or my experience is invalid because I was drinking I said that just because I was drinking doesn’t mean I have no memory. I was definitely not blacked out. I asked her when did she feel I was threatening to her. She said many times I would be drinking and angry or yelling. It was me depressed fueled on alcohol and pot. I WAS NEVER PHYSICALLY VIOLENT OR THREATENED THEM WITH VIOLENCE. I only said I wanted to hurt myself in front of them.

Oct 16, 2022 5:30:14 PM Me

She said clearly she is done with us.

Oct 16, 2022 5:30:40 PM Me

That one event was it, sealed the fate

Oct 16, 2022 5:31:19 PM Me

More than half my life… must admit I’m in tears and sad at that prospect

Oct 16, 2022 5:44:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, she felt threatened by me somehow and locked herself in the bathroom for a while. I had to talk to her thru the door.

Oct 16, 2022 5:45:18 PM Me

She finally came out and I tried to talk to her but she got her jacket and left.

Oct 16, 2022 5:46:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I sense she’s upset her version of the evening isn’t the only one, the sacrosanct truth.

Oct 16, 2022 5:46:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Anyhow, I know that right now I would be typically crying but I’m not.

Oct 16, 2022 5:48:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh, I also notice she added/changed her story of events adding in new information, weird.

Oct 16, 2022 5:51:48 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I did ask her how she could destroy our family and do to her boys what happened to her when her mom and dad divorced. She said what they dealt with and went thru that time was worse. I just had a conversation with Darragh 10 mins ago about that period of time and mentioned how “nuts” I was and apologized for being that way, for being angry and yelling. I asked if he ever felt threatened like I was going to hurt, or hit him, he says “no” and says its “no big deal”

Oct 16, 2022 5:53:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

nice false equivalency. Dude I’m sad. I’m realizing more every day that she’s dug in. Likely the year talking with her therapist validating her story and emotions—locking it in airtight like a brainwashing. When I look, I dont see an open mind or an open heart.

Oct 16, 2022 5:53:59 PM Me

How long does one wait?

Oct 16, 2022 5:55:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and, what’s the going rate for a flat in Colorado?

Oct 16, 2022 6:00:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One thing I refuse to do is leave this marriage without talking things out with the help of a counselor. At the very least we have closure and understanding. That is all I want.

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Oct 16, 2022 6:13:31 PM Me

tap tap tap, is this mic on?

Oct 16, 2022 6:15:54 PM Me

ping me when you can, after you’ve read and digested all I sent

Oct 16, 2022 7:00:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

all of that and 👍 hahahaha no worries, you have kids I get it

Oct 16, 2022 7:28:44 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Quick responses until later

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Oct 16, 2022 7:59:52 PM Me

I’ve been cooking tri tip grilled onions 🧅 broccoli and 🍚 thinking a lot about what just happened

Oct 16, 2022 7:59:59 PM Me

Oct 16, 2022 8:04:31 PM Me

It’s dawned on me that I am free of mental chains that I’ve been carrying for 14 months. Liz was unequivocally clear to me where she stands. Despite that and the fact that we may spend time talking and getting counseling. I feel as though a huge enormous weight has come off of my shoulders. I feel free and happy

Oct 16, 2022 8:04:52 PM Me

Unequivocally clear this evening in our conversation I should’ve said.

Oct 16, 2022 8:45:55 PM Me

Send me website login info

Oct 16, 2022 8:46:16 PM Me

You promised 😝

Oct 16, 2022 8:53:49 PM Me

4 mins worth it

Oct 16, 2022 8:53:50 PM Me

https://insig.ht/5L8PoLuKbub

Oct 16, 2022 10:16:32 PM Me

Let me know if you have 15 mins for a call on Monday

Oct 16, 2022 10:38:05 PM +13038752587

Day got long - still preparing for new passport appointment tomorrow. I’m glad to hear you have had so much insight and perspective today. 😍 Clarity is golden! Yes , we can set up a call. I will be driving to Denver from 7:30ms -9:30mst and back around 12-2

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Oct 17, 2022 10:52:33 AM Me

I’m just up. Bad night of sleep Go figure My calendar is open today

Oct 17, 2022 10:53:20 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Sitting at the passport office.

Oct 17, 2022 10:53:56 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

I thought you would sleep better with the revelations you had yesterday

Oct 17, 2022 10:59:04 AM +13038752587

Reviewing offer sites you sent

Oct 17, 2022 10:59:33 AM Me

Also last night I came up with some questions that I don’t know the answers to, and they’re really meant for Liz.

Oct 17, 2022 11:00:05 AM Me

I thought I would sleep well too, but I am sleeping on the floor, so there is that. Even with cushions I found myself waking up three or four times in the night

Oct 17, 2022 11:01:08 AM Me

I have a faint headache but it’s there. And honestly I feel a bit detached today. I feel a little bit like things are surreal, somewhat like you’re walking around inside a movie, not your real life.

Oct 17, 2022 11:01:38 AM Me

I am overwhelmed with sadness at the prospect of all of this

Oct 17, 2022 11:01:52 AM +13038752587

Makes sense

Oct 17, 2022 11:02:38 AM Me

It’s incredibly upsetting To have a personal relationship apart like this, and at the same time be so close to solving unemployment issues

Oct 17, 2022 11:02:48 AM +13038752587

Email. The links for offer sites. They are to far back in this thread

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Oct 17, 2022 11:03:48 AM ⇲ Me

I will send them momentarily I’m just making coffee and trying to stop crying

Oct 17, 2022 11:03:17 AM Me

Maybe I’m just being selfish but I want my Life back

Oct 17, 2022 11:05:54 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Absolutely not selfish. You are on your way. One step at a time. Although “back” is not where you are going. You are going forward.

Oct 17, 2022 11:06:31 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I am being particular about the word as you are expanding into a new version of life.

Oct 17, 2022 11:03:48 AM ⇱ Me

I will send them momentarily I’m just making coffee and trying to stop crying
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 11:04:09 AM Me

I’ve lost an incredible amount of body fluid through my eyes over the weekend

Oct 17, 2022 11:04:39 AM Me

I had a full body towel soaked in my tears on Friday

Oct 17, 2022 11:05:31 AM Me

It’s just totally not fair

Oct 17, 2022 11:05:54 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Absolutely not selfish. You are on your way. One step at a time. Although “back” is not where you are going. You are going forward.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 11:06:31 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I am being particular about the word as you are expanding into a new version of life.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 11:06:50 AM Me

I mean I want my relationship what is Beck, it’s fucking killing me

Oct 17, 2022 11:07:03 AM Me

With Liz

Oct 17, 2022 11:07:11 AM Me

Not what is

Oct 17, 2022 11:07:34 AM +13038752587

Understand, it is going to be a new, better and more expanded relationship

Oct 17, 2022 11:07:40 AM Me

And she’s right, she looks at me and says you think you’ve done nothing wrong.

Oct 17, 2022 11:08:33 AM Me

Up until the moment I saw and heard her crying And jumped up to her aid, everything was like any other evening from all the years before

Oct 17, 2022 11:09:07 AM +13038752587

I agree you two need to seek out a professional to get you through this in the best way.

Oct 17, 2022 11:09:50 AM Me

The other thing I don’t understand, is that if she felt like she was being truly attacked, why didn’t she fight back? That’s not the Elizabeth I know. She’s strong tough and always fights back

Oct 17, 2022 11:10:56 AM Me

However when I bring that up, it’s somehow interpreted like I’m trying to blame her for everything that happened. I am responsible for my actions yes, but like I said I was conscious I was aware and everything up until that moment was completely normal and like dozens of other times before

Oct 17, 2022 11:11:26 AM Me

Because I had been drinking, my interpretation of anything from that evening is completely invalid in her mind

Oct 17, 2022 11:12:15 AM +13038752587

There is your version, her version and the facts. Each person story will trigger feelings based on the stories and not the facts.

Oct 17, 2022 11:12:36 AM Me

She even agreed she’s never felt threatened by me previously in our entire relationship, nor does she feel threatened by me now.

Oct 17, 2022 11:12:53 AM +13038752587

Have you asked her for her interpretation

Oct 17, 2022 11:14:12 AM ⇲ Me

She says I raped her. She says that now, and she said it may be a day or two after it happened. I remember vividly saying to her if she felt that strongly that’s what happened that she needs to call the cops and I need to be arrested and prosecuted. I looked at her and said I was ready so call them if that’s what happened.

Oct 17, 2022 11:13:07 AM Me

The events are the events, but our user experience of the evenings events were a polar opposite ends of the earth

Oct 17, 2022 11:14:12 AM ⇱ Me

She says I raped her. She says that now, and she said it may be a day or two after it happened. I remember vividly saying to her if she felt that strongly that’s what happened that she needs to call the cops and I need to be arrested and prosecuted. I looked at her and said I was ready so call them if that’s what happened.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 11:15:17 AM Me

That’s why she says there is no going back, that’s why she’s done with us. That is her experience and her belief and I probably will never change that

Oct 17, 2022 11:15:22 AM +13038752587

Is that her own interpertation

Oct 17, 2022 11:15:54 AM Me

There were only two of us in that room, and I was conscious not blacked out and aware of what was going on and can remember details

Oct 17, 2022 11:16:57 AM Me

You can see why I want to go to a counselor to talk this through and sort it out because I have too many questions that are unresolved and I won’t have closure if I walk away from this relationship and don’t have answers to these questions

Oct 17, 2022 11:23:51 AM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 17 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This makes sense

Oct 17, 2022 11:19:35 AM Me

Coffee is brewing in getting you the links in a few

Oct 17, 2022 11:23:51 AM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 17 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This makes sense
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 11:27:18 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

The reason I asked if it was her interpretation or did she recount the event to other. And of course they would concur. I don’t want to discount wow she feels about the event or her story. Professional help Is the path for both of you to get closure in the event

Oct 17, 2022 12:21:27 PM Me

yep, totally agree

Oct 17, 2022 12:22:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m of the mindset that if I truly did what you said, why did you not press charges, or remove all my photos from the house, or kick me out? If I’ve done a thing so inherently EVIL how could you still be in the same room as me let alone speak to me?

Oct 17, 2022 12:23:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont get that, makes no sense to me. If someone had crossed a line and hurt me like that they would be excommunicated from my life (at least that’s how I think I would react)

Oct 17, 2022 12:24:05 PM (Read by them after 45 seconds) Me

Like I’ve mentioned before, I think her counseling has validated her over this past year to the point where she’s not coming back 😟

Oct 17, 2022 12:24:21 PM (Read by them after 29 seconds) Me

To her, its her truth of what happened

Oct 17, 2022 12:30:03 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

Built In

Oct 17, 2022 12:30:21 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

https://levels.fyi/services

Oct 17, 2022 12:30:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Levels.fyi

Oct 17, 2022 12:30:54 PM +13038752587

Driving back home

Oct 17, 2022 12:30:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Click to download Aquent_Salary_Guide_2022-opt.pdf (6.46 MB)

Oct 17, 2022 12:30:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Oct 17, 2022 12:31:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll be here all after aside from walking the dog(s) at some point.

Oct 17, 2022 12:31:24 PM +13038752587

Have to connect tomorrow to pick up new passport

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Oct 17, 2022 12:31:41 PM Me

have to pay rush fees I’m sure

Oct 17, 2022 12:32:01 PM +13038752587

No - because it arrived damaged

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Oct 17, 2022 12:32:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I remember when we went to Canada we had to get passports for the whole family

Oct 17, 2022 12:32:28 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No fees to replace

Oct 17, 2022 12:32:40 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I had originally paid rush fee

Oct 17, 2022 12:32:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ah, ok

Oct 17, 2022 12:36:04 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This is from Aquent. LA region is included in these averages. You’re seeing the 25th percentile, 50 and 75th percentile.

Oct 17, 2022 1:45:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Was just reading a twitter thread of a woman who wants to find someone to share life with, never married, etc and over 40. She says she has a good life but the idea of finding someone seems like it will never happen. The comments in the thread made me incredibly sad. So many contemporaries who have either never found someone, or did and its over—some multiple times. I dont want to be one of them. I love my wife on a deep cellular level that I can’t shake.

Oct 17, 2022 1:47:01 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Well then, keep that as your focus and do not feed your mind anything that doesn’t contribute to that goal.

Oct 17, 2022 2:07:59 PM Me

FYI

Oct 17, 2022 2:08:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Oct 17, 2022 4:22:54 PM Me

How goes it?

Oct 17, 2022 4:23:51 PM +13038752587

Crazy

Oct 17, 2022 4:29:52 PM Me

What?

Oct 17, 2022 4:47:05 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

you ok?

Oct 17, 2022 4:47:07 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

all good?

Oct 17, 2022 4:48:20 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

Florida in 4 days, then France. Lots of packing and organizing for 4 people, two of whom cant do it for themselves

Oct 17, 2022 4:48:48 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

2 words

Oct 17, 2022 4:48:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

pack LIGHT

Oct 17, 2022 4:49:20 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

no one needs an entire week of clothes to drag halfway around the world

Oct 17, 2022 4:49:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😊

Oct 17, 2022 5:20:44 PM Me

6 month contract to start. $10k a month. After 6 mos, if we both feel it’s a good fit I would then go to FTEmployee with full benefits, etc.

Oct 17, 2022 5:21:09 PM Me

Those were the details we talked about. Asked to sleep on it, no problem.

Oct 17, 2022 5:22:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wondering your thoughts on replying with an ask for more. Yes or No on the ask? If yes, how much? Also, to consider… do I lose negotiation leverage for the FTE offer by doing one or the other? These are things I dont know 😊

Oct 17, 2022 5:23:26 PM +13038752587

Did you get their offer?

Oct 17, 2022 5:23:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Just saw above

Oct 17, 2022 5:23:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just verbal at the moment. They are sending over paperwork

Oct 17, 2022 5:24:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I were to target the FTE it would be 140k annual + benefits

Oct 17, 2022 5:24:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would like 160 ideally, but 140 is doable.

Oct 17, 2022 5:25:03 PM Me

And honestly I need money, but I dont want to be rash or leave money on the table

Oct 17, 2022 5:25:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont want to lock myself in if you know what I mean

Oct 17, 2022 5:25:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I will review the links - did you email them to me?

Oct 17, 2022 5:25:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oh shit, I texted them

Oct 17, 2022 5:25:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me email

Oct 17, 2022 5:25:54 PM Me

whoops

Oct 17, 2022 5:30:38 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Things to consider. You are not getting benefits Limited time contract 6mos to love it and shine Your value is higher - if FT offer does it include options Signing bonus, achievement incentives (growth levels, 10% -20% and up)

Oct 17, 2022 5:34:23 PM Me

Yes, FT will include full benefits; 401k, medical, and others. Makes me think I should ask for more.

Oct 17, 2022 5:34:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ask for more now

Oct 17, 2022 5:35:03 PM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

Are they waiting for you to respond before sending official offer letter

Oct 17, 2022 5:36:07 PM Me

not sure

Oct 17, 2022 5:37:08 PM Me

I think it wont be here until tomorrow. I can email Jason, my contact, with any questions at this point. I spoke with him and we discussed that. I could send it to him right now if I had it written up.

Oct 17, 2022 5:37:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can send the counter tonight, that’s not a prob. The key is knowing what pitch, and how to throw it??

Oct 17, 2022 5:38:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Like 12k would make it feel better to me.

Oct 17, 2022 5:38:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

but that’s a big jump, 20%

Oct 17, 2022 5:38:59 PM Me

Let me know what you think when you have time, going to walk the dogs and air my head out right now.

Oct 17, 2022 6:59:02 PM Me

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I find it interesting That if it comes to sports, work, or professional endeavors I am the optimist, whereas personally in my life I seem to be quite a pessimist

Oct 17, 2022 7:39:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is ground control to Major Tom…

Oct 17, 2022 7:39:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

come in Major Tom

Oct 17, 2022 7:40:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you doing ok?

Oct 17, 2022 7:50:03 PM +13038752587

Tired

Oct 17, 2022 7:50:09 PM Me

I believe it

Oct 17, 2022 7:50:27 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Too many nights of 6 hours sleep

Oct 17, 2022 7:50:55 PM +13038752587

It’s only 8 and I’m ready for bed

Oct 17, 2022 7:51:30 PM ⇲ Me

I still haven’t recovered from Friday night

Oct 17, 2022 7:51:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

haven’t been able to focus at all today waiting to hear

Oct 17, 2022 7:51:30 PM ⇱ Me

I still haven’t recovered from Friday night
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 7:51:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

haven’t been able to focus at all today waiting to hear
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 7:57:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was thinking of emailing this… Let me know what you think. I'm excited and grateful for the offer to work with everyone at Hatch to help kids and teachers be successful. I'm also happy with the idea of the 6-month contract to make sure it's a fit. I have one question regarding the monthly compensation number of $10k. Financially for me, it would be ideal to have that number be $12k a month, if possible; I know you are working within budgets. Let me know what you think may be possible. Again, I’m excited to get started as soon as everyone is ready for on-boarding. Looking forward to working together. Kind regards, Bert

Oct 17, 2022 7:58:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not sure if it needs anything more. Simple and direct.

Oct 17, 2022 8:01:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe.... I think that’s fair for someone with my skills and experience based on the most recent data I’ve discovered in my research. Just to backup the 12k ask. Let me know what you think when you can, and THANKS!!!!!!

Oct 17, 2022 8:02:37 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

What is your job title

Oct 17, 2022 8:03:04 PM Me

Haven’t seen it on the paperwork, but the ad was for Senior UX Designer

Oct 17, 2022 8:03:18 PM +13038752587

Cool

Oct 17, 2022 8:03:30 PM +13038752587

I have a few edits for the email.

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Oct 17, 2022 8:03:37 PM Me

12k is 144K a year

Oct 17, 2022 8:03:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Less passive voice

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Oct 17, 2022 8:04:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont want to come off aggressive, for sure

Oct 17, 2022 8:06:09 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Firm with the openess to finding what works for everyone

Oct 17, 2022 8:08:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool

Oct 17, 2022 8:13:15 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Where the company based

Oct 17, 2022 8:13:28 PM Me

I belive NC

Oct 17, 2022 8:14:19 PM Me

Specifically Winston-Salem, NC

Oct 17, 2022 8:28:27 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

I think 12 is a good number co sifting they are not paying benefits or taxes. This is a 1099 position correct?

Oct 17, 2022 8:28:32 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

W-9

Oct 17, 2022 8:28:56 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Considering*

Oct 17, 2022 8:31:35 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

I think my response would be vague at this point until I see the entire full offer letter.

Oct 17, 2022 8:35:19 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I would like to see the complete offer letter before making a final decision. I believe we are in the right track and I look forward to joining the team at Hatch Early Learning

Oct 17, 2022 8:35:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it’s a w2

Oct 17, 2022 8:35:44 PM Me

they do taxes

Oct 17, 2022 8:36:12 PM Me

so how to reword? Where to add that?

Oct 17, 2022 8:37:12 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - just no benefits What about PTO? Vacation? Performance Bonuses? What is the expected work schedule?

Oct 17, 2022 8:37:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haven’t received all those details yet, just 40hr wk

Oct 17, 2022 8:37:56 PM Me

Bbut I know they work what I call flex

Oct 17, 2022 8:38:02 PM Me

get the work done

Oct 17, 2022 8:38:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

meet the deadlines

Oct 17, 2022 8:38:13 PM Me

be available for meetings

Oct 17, 2022 8:38:30 PM Me

the VP told me he doesn’t care if it takes you 2 or twenty hours

Oct 17, 2022 8:41:04 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Cool.

Oct 17, 2022 8:51:14 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Hi Jason, I'm excited and grateful for the offer to work with everyone at Hatch to help kids and teachers be successful. A 6-month contract to make sure it's a fit for everyone is a great place to start. I would like to see the complete offer before finalizing the monthly compensation. I believe we are on the right track and I look forward to joint the team at Hatch. Kind regards, Bert

Oct 17, 2022 8:51:38 PM Me

ok

Oct 17, 2022 8:52:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I see how this tells them the money isn’t final until I see everything wrapped around it

Oct 17, 2022 8:52:36 PM Me

so dont mention 12k at all

Oct 17, 2022 8:53:44 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Correct- there may be financial compensation that is not salary based and you really have to see the complete offer before accepting or countering

Oct 17, 2022 8:52:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You can wait and send this or similar in the morning or just simply let him know you would like to see the complete offer before getting into the details.

Oct 17, 2022 8:53:22 PM Me

plan to send now

Oct 17, 2022 8:53:34 PM Me

told him I may email questions

Oct 17, 2022 8:53:44 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Correct- there may be financial compensation that is not salary based and you really have to see the complete offer before accepting or countering
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 8:54:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont think there is, but then I dont know

Oct 17, 2022 8:54:24 PM Me

nor did I think to ask for anything beyond

Oct 17, 2022 8:54:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Typo *joining not joint

Oct 17, 2022 8:55:17 PM +13038752587

Run through grammarly

Oct 17, 2022 8:55:22 PM Me

k, doing now

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Oct 17, 2022 8:56:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, this is it

Oct 17, 2022 8:56:42 PM Me

Hi Jason, I'm excited and grateful for the offer to work with everyone at Hatch to help kids and teachers be successful. A 6-month contract to make sure it's a fit for everyone is a great place to start. I would like to see the complete offer before finalizing the monthly compensation. I believe we are on the right track, and I look forward to joining the team at Hatch. Kind regards, Bert

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Oct 17, 2022 8:57:40 PM Me

cool, I’ll send it

Oct 17, 2022 8:58:27 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Oct 17, 2022 8:58:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and now we wait

Oct 17, 2022 8:58:50 PM Me

I’m not worried. I know they want to work with me

Oct 17, 2022 8:59:29 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

He will respond tomorrow. Looks like he is in mountain time

Oct 17, 2022 8:59:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

He’s in LONGMONT!

Oct 17, 2022 8:59:45 PM Me

haha

Oct 17, 2022 8:59:53 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Too funny

Oct 17, 2022 9:00:20 PM Me

I dont know exactly where, felt rude to ask specifically, but I know I’ll find out. I’ll mention the Roost to him

Oct 17, 2022 9:00:20 PM +13038752587

In a small world way

Oct 17, 2022 9:00:25 PM Me

I know

Oct 17, 2022 9:00:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I told him I have family there

Oct 17, 2022 9:00:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Will be cool if I come visit I could actually meet him in person

Oct 17, 2022 9:01:15 PM Me

I believe he originally an Aussie, he as an accent

Oct 17, 2022 9:01:36 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Once you are on the team officially, there will be time to learn more

Oct 17, 2022 9:01:44 PM Me

oh yeah

Oct 17, 2022 9:01:57 PM Me

I’ll be on hours long vid calls for days

Oct 17, 2022 9:02:29 PM Me

will be a tiring ramp up, but once I’m on my feet and get some momentum and rhythm things should click

Oct 17, 2022 9:02:31 PM +13038752587

Great job today. Repeat your mantras Put on some good sleeping music and get some rest

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Oct 17, 2022 9:03:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the one reflection thought I had is this is a business type I’ve not worked for that has its tech team setup how they do. It will be a great learning experience

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Oct 17, 2022 9:04:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

showering, eating and watching streaming vids. documentary junkie

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Oct 17, 2022 9:04:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

then crash

Oct 17, 2022 9:04:32 PM Me

going to get a massage this week too

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Oct 17, 2022 9:04:38 PM Me

first time since before covid

Oct 17, 2022 9:04:40 PM +13038752587

Only one video

Oct 17, 2022 9:04:48 PM Me

I watch a lot of vids

Oct 17, 2022 9:05:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Rest is important

Oct 17, 2022 9:05:18 PM Me

a lot of stress will fall when I sign that contract.

Oct 17, 2022 9:05:28 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes it will

Oct 17, 2022 9:05:37 PM Me

its funny, Declan and Darragh were already spending the money

Oct 17, 2022 9:05:50 PM Me

“how soon until you get your electric car?”

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Oct 17, 2022 9:06:23 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

They are. Excited to drive it

Oct 17, 2022 9:06:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been talking about it since my last lease was turned in when I was with you

Oct 17, 2022 9:06:40 PM Me

they are

Oct 17, 2022 9:06:44 PM +13038752587

It will be a real soon

Oct 17, 2022 9:06:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Reality

Oct 17, 2022 9:07:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’m going to bed - have to get up early to go pick up passport

Oct 17, 2022 9:07:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I imagine. Once I feel like the FTE is a lock I’ll make that happen

Oct 17, 2022 9:07:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sleep well 😴

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Oct 17, 2022 9:07:55 PM ⇲ Me

I will, you too.

Oct 17, 2022 9:08:08 PM ⇲ Me

Thanks for your help and I’ll send you an update when I have one

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Oct 17, 2022 9:07:38 PM Me

I may get a used cheap reliable car for now. One of the boys could inherit it when I go elector

Oct 17, 2022 9:07:41 PM Me

electric

Oct 17, 2022 9:07:55 PM ⇱ Me

I will, you too.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 17, 2022 9:08:08 PM ⇱ Me

Thanks for your help and I’ll send you an update when I have one

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Oct 18, 2022 9:38:16 AM Me

There is so much anger in her heart. I can feel it because my heart is open and full of compassion for her suffering. It so clear to me, all of this mess is. The hike over the weekend I was hit with clarity like never before.

Oct 18, 2022 12:08:02 PM Me

She has a white-knuckle grip on her pain and it feels like she needs my validation. Since the hike and my shift when I spoke with her I see everything differently. I still feel sorrow and remorse for what happened that night and Liz was hurt deeply from that experience and the accumulation of toxic fear leading up to it. She feared me for the rage, anger, and dark depression that was overflowing out of me regardless of the masking I tried. She feared for herself and the boys. I was lost inside the lies of my depression and could not see or perceive clearly so my sense of her fear was minimal at best. What she did not know was that all the rage and anger was aimed at myself fighting the inner dialogue of self-hate, self-loathing and not understanding why it felt that no one cared about me. I was suffering badly and no one was going to save me, except I didn't know that. I held out hope that things would get better, or someone would intervene. None of that happened and I kept falling deeper with self medication. I'm not sure what she knew about what was going on with me. I don't remember any moment of communication where there was overt empathy and compassion towards me or even a basic curiosity seemed to be hard to come by. She may have been too afraid to inquire or help, I don't know. What I do know is that her creating distance only reinforced the belief in the lies depression was telling me — you are worthless and no one gives a shit about you, not even you're wife! Look she doesn't care about you! It's right in front of your face, she hates you.” I fought that inner dialogue for months and can't honestly can't believe I'm still alive. My basic plan involved hiking to a beautiful spot in the sespe and check out. The ideation was BIG, and I thought about it a lot. I was going to take Weston with me, so I wasn't alone. But then I realized Weston would be alone with me dead, and I could NEVER hurt him, or leave him alone like that who knows how many miles from home. Plus, the burden of my pain would be put on my wife and children to carry throughout their lives. That would be beyond any cruelty a person should ever have to bear. I decided ultimately that I was the only one that was going to save me. I put off getting help because depression kept lying and telling me that I deserved to suffer and don't ever get help, I don't deserve it. Wow, ok have to stop, that's alot

Oct 18, 2022 2:13:07 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - WOW. You have come so far in your journey. The clarity of how you are seeing everything is crystal clear.

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Loved by Me

Oct 18, 2022 12:10:09 PM Me

Even after signing up online for help I stumbled getting started

Oct 18, 2022 12:20:41 PM Me

I’m trying to use my heart to hold my sadness rather than letting it sit in my mind and generate feelings. I’ve never been able to really do this before and it’s feels a bit strange. Is this something you do, or you are conscious of? Do normal people do this?

Oct 18, 2022 2:14:06 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Do you mean allow yourself to feel it without generating stories?

Oct 18, 2022 2:15:31 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I feel many of us suppress feelings. Stories may be a way to mask the actual feeling.

Oct 18, 2022 2:45:46 PM ⇲ Me

Yes, when I feel the sadness in my heart it's somewhat meditative, and compassionate. I don't hear stories and I'm not busy creating them When sadness is in my mind it's all story, triggers and feelings

Oct 18, 2022 12:24:07 PM Me

Another thought came to mind now that the prospect of working and getting paid again is close that I would like to stay in the home until I have all of our debt paid off. I feel it’s important that if we do go our separate ways, wow when I say that I break down and cry... That we have no debt

Oct 18, 2022 12:36:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Driving to Denver

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Liked by Me

Oct 18, 2022 1:53:27 PM Me

I’m about to head into a 1 PM interview with aquent. It’s a portfolio review with one of their UX people just to validate my experience for their net work. It’s good to have in the back pocket if this somehow falls through.

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Oct 18, 2022 1:53:37 PM Me

Going off-line but will ping you when I am back from the meeting

Oct 18, 2022 2:13:07 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - WOW. You have come so far in your journey. The clarity of how you are seeing everything is crystal clear.

Reactions:

Loved by Me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 18, 2022 2:14:06 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Do you mean allow yourself to feel it without generating stories?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 18, 2022 2:15:31 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I feel many of us suppress feelings. Stories may be a way to mask the actual feeling.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 18, 2022 2:45:46 PM ⇱ Me

Yes, when I feel the sadness in my heart it's somewhat meditative, and compassionate. I don't hear stories and I'm not busy creating them When sadness is in my mind it's all story, triggers and feelings
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 18, 2022 2:46:31 PM Me

These past two weeks have been exhaust ing

Oct 18, 2022 2:46:43 PM Me

Where r u now?

Oct 18, 2022 2:46:54 PM Me

Drive back?

Oct 18, 2022 2:47:49 PM Me

Also I’ve noticed that her grip on the pain has tightened since the talk on Friday and again yesterday we spoke and the grip got tighter. I’m not going to discuss the event with her any longer until we’re able to get in the room with a professional to guide us unpacking it

Oct 18, 2022 6:37:16 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Smart move

Oct 18, 2022 6:37:16 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Smart move
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 18, 2022 7:14:21 PM Me

I miss her love so very much The idea that she will never love me again strikes me at my core. I made a vow through good times and bad. We've really never had any big problems over the years. I want nothing more than to talk and work through this problem. I don't know if she genuinely doesn't care about me at all. I want to grow old with her and take care of her for all she's done for me 😭😭😭

Oct 18, 2022 7:14:48 PM Me

I'm just so sad right now

Oct 18, 2022 7:30:48 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Focus I what you want. Acknowledge the sadness and then put your focus on what you want. Think about it. Feel how that future. Imagine it.

Oct 18, 2022 7:30:55 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Over and over

Oct 18, 2022 7:32:17 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Allow her the space to heal her wounds. Lock in the first few steps and then you can introduce counseling.

Oct 18, 2022 7:33:41 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

I think you perceiving more pain for her. Is that there is discrepancies between your accounts if the evening. As you mentioned earlier- let go of that until you are in counseling

Oct 18, 2022 7:45:52 PM ⇲ Me

She's now having to deal with me recounting MY experience which is just as valid as hers. And you are right there are differences in the accounts. Or rather things I note that proceeded just like business as usual and questioning why if feeling threatened as she describes there was ample opportunity to put a stop to it but that never happened. I’ve and turned away in the past, in our history, and has been persistent and the evening turned out great for everybody. But this one time in nearly 30 years it’s a nuclear weapon

Oct 18, 2022 7:45:52 PM ⇱ Me

She's now having to deal with me recounting MY experience which is just as valid as hers. And you are right there are differences in the accounts. Or rather things I note that proceeded just like business as usual and questioning why if feeling threatened as she describes there was ample opportunity to put a stop to it but that never happened. I’ve and turned away in the past, in our history, and has been persistent and the evening turned out great for everybody. But this one time in nearly 30 years it’s a nuclear weapon
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 18, 2022 7:48:33 PM Me

I have zippo history of any kind of violence in my entire history as a human. I do however have a history of running my mouth having a lot of anger ads and all over the place, but I have never in my entire life acted out physically against someone in a violent angry way or assaulting them in any form

Oct 18, 2022 7:49:09 PM Me

As an adult of course, it doesn’t count when I was 11, a PITA, and Bobby beat my ass in the bunkbeds

Oct 18, 2022 7:49:23 PM Me

I deserve that

Oct 18, 2022 7:49:29 PM Me

😁

Oct 18, 2022 8:06:23 PM +13038752587

😀

Oct 19, 2022 10:27:12 AM Me

How goes it over there?

Oct 19, 2022 10:28:28 AM Me

I’m wondering if today you could send me that login info for that website, and ping the 200 to the Apple Cash request? You’re about to get on a plane and head out, and I want to make sure I can get this done for you, before hatch might take over my life

Oct 19, 2022 10:59:01 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Howdy, heard back from Jason. He’s at a conference and HR got really busy yesterday. He said I’ll have the contract today.

Oct 19, 2022 11:01:41 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

In meeting for about another hour

Oct 19, 2022 11:01:48 AM Me

k

Oct 19, 2022 12:53:36 PM Me

hey there

Oct 19, 2022 12:53:53 PM Me

got a great resource from my new care counselor at cerebral

Oct 19, 2022 12:54:09 PM Me

ever heard of “The 5 Love Languages” ??

Oct 19, 2022 1:58:09 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

I have

Oct 19, 2022 1:58:19 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Good book and theory

Oct 19, 2022 1:58:52 PM Me

I took one of their quizzes and was intrigued.

Oct 19, 2022 1:59:07 PM +13038752587

Money will have to wait until tomorrow. Spent more than expected this week getting stuff for trip.

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Oct 19, 2022 2:00:24 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Website is casing issues - attempting to migrate and in second round of corrupted files

Oct 19, 2022 2:00:38 PM Me

Ugh

Oct 19, 2022 2:00:49 PM Me

Siteground?

Oct 19, 2022 2:01:03 PM Me

If So they may be able to help you do the migration, they have excellent support

Oct 19, 2022 2:01:13 PM +13038752587

Oct 19, 2022 2:01:58 PM Me

Tried removing all the plugins?

Oct 19, 2022 2:02:10 PM +13038752587

I did it manually the first time and they let me know the site was corrupted. Fix or site will be banned

Oct 19, 2022 2:02:34 PM Me

Do you know what to do? Or are you stuck

Oct 19, 2022 2:03:08 PM +13038752587

Had it cleaned up. Updated php. Site looked good. Went to migrate with their plug-in and got the message

Oct 19, 2022 2:03:46 PM +13038752587

The person who did cleaning is willing to look at it as part of service

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Liked by Me

Oct 19, 2022 2:05:00 PM +13038752587

I’ll give him a day and try again. If not I will reach out or siteground. I would like the site to be corruption free before migrating

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Liked by Me

Oct 19, 2022 2:05:37 PM +13038752587

Once that is down we can clean up landing and pay pages

Oct 19, 2022 2:06:13 PM Me

Could you just explored the continent do a clean install of WordPress an import at all? Don’t bring any of the old files over, just bring the continent

Oct 19, 2022 2:08:43 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Hoping to keep time commitment low

Oct 19, 2022 2:09:06 PM ⇲ +13038752587

This site has already eaten a lot of hours

Oct 19, 2022 2:06:46 PM Me

This is so weird text, rather speech to text has gotten a lot worse at translating what I’m saying they used to be a lot better

Oct 19, 2022 2:07:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Both speak and regular texting has been poor for about 2 years. Seems to be getting worse

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Liked by Me

Oct 19, 2022 2:08:43 PM Me

OK, I’m gonna work on implementing some of the changes at Katie, the Aquent designer gave me yesterday

Oct 19, 2022 2:08:43 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Hoping to keep time commitment low
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2022 2:09:06 PM ⇱ +13038752587

This site has already eaten a lot of hours
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2022 2:09:22 PM Me

Ugh

Oct 19, 2022 2:09:41 PM Me

So another words a huge burn rate just to get the site to the point where you can actually do the work

Oct 19, 2022 2:30:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

some good stuff came thru today

Oct 19, 2022 2:30:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://zapier.com/blog/b2b-email-marketing/

Oct 19, 2022 2:31:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://zapier.com/blog/marketing-operations/

Oct 19, 2022 2:32:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And especially this one. I’m giving Notion a try with this second-brain idea:

Oct 19, 2022 2:32:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://zapier.com/blog/second-brain-notion-template/

Oct 19, 2022 3:30:25 PM Me

I got the contracts

Oct 19, 2022 3:31:01 PM Me

In case you didn’t see the message above
Sent with Echo

Oct 19, 2022 3:32:36 PM +13038752587

Sweet

Oct 19, 2022 3:32:39 PM +13038752587

How’s is read

Oct 19, 2022 3:32:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

reading now

Oct 19, 2022 3:33:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

need to refresh that reply you coined yesterday,

Oct 19, 2022 3:33:10 PM Me

queue it for email

Oct 19, 2022 3:36:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

up to point 6, Confidential Information, so far very standard

Oct 19, 2022 3:37:06 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

defining we are separate entities, not employer/employee

Oct 19, 2022 3:37:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

7. Intellectual Property. Signing over all rights on my work products

Oct 19, 2022 3:40:58 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

OK, Appendix A has the details

Oct 19, 2022 3:45:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

10k a month for all services performed under agreement I invoice them monthly, they pay in 7 days of receiving invoice. They are not responsible for federal state and local taxes derived from my net income. They do no withholding.

Oct 19, 2022 3:45:13 PM Me

that’s in

Oct 19, 2022 3:45:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it

Oct 19, 2022 3:47:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

nothing else in Appendix A. So, 10k a month. I have to do work on the taxes and get double taxed because I have to pay my tax and the “business tax” 12k seems totally reasonable to me now, and renegotiate FTE if that should become reality

Oct 19, 2022 3:47:45 PM Me

Let me know what you think.

Oct 19, 2022 3:48:19 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 9 seconds) Me

going to run errands to town. Would like to reply to Jason ASAP. Hes at a conference so unsure how much email he’s doing, but I know he’s looking out

Oct 19, 2022 5:12:29 PM Me

So, thoughts 💭???
Sent with Spotlight

Oct 19, 2022 5:32:20 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Did you email me anything

Oct 19, 2022 5:32:30 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Why double taxes?

Oct 19, 2022 6:05:06 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) ⇲ Me

I pay taxes out of my check, and then the LLC pays taxes too.

Oct 19, 2022 6:05:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇲ Me

I feel when You are a one-person business that tax should be waived. ONLY for 1 person biz’s

Oct 19, 2022 6:10:42 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I’ll talk to you about this

Oct 19, 2022 6:11:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

If you are an employee - w4 don’t count on self employment tax

Oct 19, 2022 6:11:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

You separate them out

Oct 19, 2022 6:04:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

emailing now. Look at Appendix A, Page 6

Oct 19, 2022 6:04:34 PM Me

apologies, was meditating

Oct 19, 2022 6:05:06 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) ⇱ Me

I pay taxes out of my check, and then the LLC pays taxes too.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2022 6:05:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇱ Me

I feel when You are a one-person business that tax should be waived. ONLY for 1 person biz’s
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2022 6:08:51 PM Me

I just sent it your way

Oct 19, 2022 6:09:05 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

to your iCloud and .me.com addresses

Oct 19, 2022 6:09:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not hotmail

Oct 19, 2022 6:10:42 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I’ll talk to you about this
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2022 6:11:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

did u get it?

Oct 19, 2022 6:11:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

If you are an employee - w4 don’t count on self employment tax
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2022 6:11:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

You separate them out
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2022 6:11:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right

Oct 19, 2022 6:14:22 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Nothing at me.com

Oct 19, 2022 6:14:28 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Send to hotmail

Oct 19, 2022 6:14:43 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 22 seconds) Me

k

Oct 19, 2022 6:16:53 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 10 seconds) Me

k, says sent

Oct 19, 2022 6:31:57 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Pulling it up now

Oct 19, 2022 6:32:03 PM Me

k

Oct 19, 2022 6:38:28 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 19, 2022 6:38:39 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Typo - his not her

Oct 19, 2022 6:42:40 PM Me

touche!

Oct 19, 2022 6:42:57 PM Me

I did read it

Oct 19, 2022 6:43:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But I know you’ve read LOTS of these

Oct 19, 2022 6:43:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I should run the text through grammarly 🤣🤣🤣

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Oct 19, 2022 6:44:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I see another type in your screen cap

Oct 19, 2022 6:44:13 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Ok so it is a w9 deal

Oct 19, 2022 6:44:28 PM Me

Withoout

Oct 19, 2022 6:44:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes w9

Oct 19, 2022 6:44:42 PM Me

so they will 1099 me

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Oct 19, 2022 6:45:09 PM Me

this is all fine with me, pretty much how I worked with A+L

Oct 19, 2022 6:45:17 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Agreement is boiler plate.

Oct 19, 2022 6:45:28 PM Me

totally, a tweak here or there

Oct 19, 2022 6:45:44 PM Me

so I’ll reply with typos, etc.

Oct 19, 2022 6:45:58 PM Me

And I think I phrase it this way.

Oct 19, 2022 6:47:41 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

12.1 doesn’t mention arbitration as a first course of action for any legal. Interesting- almost always see that

Oct 19, 2022 6:48:04 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

So what’s yiuothoughts in compensation

Oct 19, 2022 6:48:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mmm. I think 12k is totally reasonable ask right now.

Oct 19, 2022 6:48:53 PM Me

if they do it, I’ll be @ 144k

Oct 19, 2022 6:49:33 PM Me

negotiating FTE salary and benefits from that space is far more enticing than 120k

Oct 19, 2022 6:49:59 PM Me

I actually thought they were taking all the taxes out

Oct 19, 2022 6:50:23 PM Me

I could be mistaken, I would have to check notes, but that’s not that big a deal for me

Oct 19, 2022 6:55:25 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

I think keep it simple. Agreement is good (here’s a few typo I found) Compensation I would like $12k Payment schedule 6k on the 15th and 6k on the 30th. Invoice is an unnecessary step I believe.

Oct 19, 2022 6:56:00 PM Me

that sounds good. Super simple

Oct 19, 2022 6:56:24 PM Me

how about closing that?

Oct 19, 2022 6:56:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Let me know what you think.”

Oct 19, 2022 6:56:37 PM Me

no

Oct 19, 2022 6:56:46 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

No

Oct 19, 2022 6:57:00 PM Me

they may counter, which is fine

Oct 19, 2022 6:57:14 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Typing out now

Oct 19, 2022 6:57:18 PM Me

k

Oct 19, 2022 7:16:53 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Sent - thoughts?

Oct 19, 2022 7:20:39 PM Me

I am walking the dogs at the moment right before the sun goes down

Oct 19, 2022 7:21:34 PM Me

Oct 19, 2022 7:23:11 PM +13038752587

Just for your knowledge- accounting may require invoicing- so no big deal. Edit needed In the email… Two equal Payments of $6k made on the 10th …

Oct 19, 2022 7:48:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I see it

Oct 19, 2022 7:48:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just got back and read it.

Oct 19, 2022 7:48:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll run it through grammarly

Oct 19, 2022 7:49:03 PM Me

one observation

Oct 19, 2022 7:49:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feels emotionless not like an email I would send

Oct 19, 2022 7:49:32 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Put it in your voice

Oct 19, 2022 7:49:39 PM Me

this part: I would like the compensation to be $12,000.00 per month with payments made on the 10th and 25th of each month via direct payment or ACH.

Oct 19, 2022 7:49:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you around?

Oct 19, 2022 7:49:59 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Oct 19, 2022 7:50:07 PM Me

I’ll tinker in grammarly and send a revision back

Oct 19, 2022 7:50:11 PM Me

cool?

Oct 19, 2022 7:50:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

maybe 30 mins

Oct 19, 2022 7:50:17 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Oui

Oct 19, 2022 7:50:38 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Practicing my French

Oct 19, 2022 7:52:07 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Vin Rouge S’il vous plait

Oct 19, 2022 8:36:34 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

I’m going back I go to bed about 9

Oct 19, 2022 8:36:52 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Late night yesterday early morning

Oct 19, 2022 8:39:42 PM Me

Ok

Oct 19, 2022 8:40:02 PM Me

I was showering while I could get to the bathroom

Oct 19, 2022 8:40:09 PM Me

I’m in the middle of it now

Oct 19, 2022 8:50:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k

Oct 19, 2022 8:50:52 PM Me

have it done

Oct 19, 2022 8:51:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can text it right out of grammarly

Oct 19, 2022 8:51:04 PM Me

lmk

Oct 19, 2022 8:51:52 PM +13038752587

Email please

Oct 19, 2022 8:52:16 PM Me

K

Oct 19, 2022 8:52:20 PM Me

Doing now

Oct 19, 2022 8:53:39 PM Me

Done

Oct 19, 2022 8:54:06 PM Me

Has my voice now

Oct 19, 2022 9:08:37 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Replied

Oct 19, 2022 9:17:49 PM Me

yep

Oct 19, 2022 9:18:00 PM Me

grammarly says “would like” is passive

Oct 19, 2022 9:19:06 PM Me

good catch

Oct 19, 2022 9:19:13 PM Me

I think its good.

Oct 19, 2022 9:19:21 PM Me

Jason, The general agreement looks good. ( I noticed a couple of typos and noted them in the attachment ). There are a few things to bring up after thinking things over since we talked and now have read the documents. I would like the compensation to be $12,000.00 per month. I researched this role in my part of the country to find what I think is fair, especially considering I will not have any benefits for the next six months. I will invoice Hatch at the beginning and middle of each month. I want payments made via direct payment or ACH, and I can provide those details for you. I am excited to begin working with you and the entire team at Hatch. Once you update the agreement, send it over, and I will get it signed and returned immediately and cc whoever needs a copy. Then we can prepare for onboarding. Reach out to me if you have any questions.

Oct 19, 2022 9:20:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

only think I could think is to add< “I would be happy to share my salary research sources if you like, let me know.” Or is that too much

Oct 19, 2022 9:22:36 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Not necessary

Oct 19, 2022 9:20:44 PM Me

once this is gone I get to play some darts and chill. Then sleep

Oct 19, 2022 9:22:36 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Not necessary
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2022 9:22:42 PM Me

ok

Oct 19, 2022 9:22:49 PM Me

otherwise good?

Oct 19, 2022 9:22:52 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Oct 19, 2022 9:22:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

coolio

Oct 19, 2022 9:23:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hopefully I will hear back in short order

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Oct 19, 2022 9:23:15 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Bon nuit 💤

Oct 19, 2022 9:23:27 PM Me

Merci!

Oct 19, 2022 9:23:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Viva La Sleep!

Oct 19, 2022 9:23:41 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

De ruin

Oct 19, 2022 9:23:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Vive le Sleep

Oct 19, 2022 9:24:14 PM Me

you remember robin williams french person impersonations? OMG

Oct 19, 2022 9:24:45 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Oct 20, 2022 10:47:03 AM Me

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Good morning, I hope things are going well for you. I know you have a lot going on trying to get out of town. Here is the quotation that showed up in my face today

Oct 20, 2022 11:45:53 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also, can you ping the Apple $$ request today? 😊 And send me the site info once you know what’s up with the corruption. I may be able to do an export/import and make it work. I’ve saved sites like that before.

Oct 20, 2022 11:49:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have a 15min meeting @ 11am PST

Oct 20, 2022 11:50:04 AM Me

Jason got back 40 mins ago

Oct 20, 2022 11:50:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

can appreciate me going thru things and asking for what’s right for me. 😊 He’s running it up the flagpole to Srikar. Hopefully hear good news by EOD

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Oct 20, 2022 11:50:57 AM Me

crossing fingers

Oct 20, 2022 12:15:24 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Banking will happen this afternoon

Oct 20, 2022 12:15:49 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

I will get you access to all then too

Oct 20, 2022 12:33:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool

Oct 20, 2022 4:51:17 PM Me

hey, let me know when you’re back from banking. Need to run an errand and holding off 😊

Oct 20, 2022 5:33:50 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Let me see how I find my Apple Pay / I dont use it

Oct 20, 2022 5:45:28 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Any other way to get you funds

Oct 20, 2022 5:50:47 PM Me

It’s not easy for you to use what I sent? I’ve never had to reply to it, so I don’t know if it’s easy or hard to do

Oct 20, 2022 6:05:33 PM +13038752587

It needs to be attached to a bank

Oct 20, 2022 6:06:27 PM Me

I thought people could send money to that Apple Pay request from any credit card bank etc.

Oct 20, 2022 6:07:00 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I added a cc and the. I had to I stallcc app and that said card was invalid

Oct 20, 2022 6:07:19 PM +13038752587

Lots of hoop jumping

Oct 20, 2022 6:07:27 PM +13038752587

To get things set up

Oct 20, 2022 6:07:31 PM Me

That’s weird because that’s not how they usually do things

Oct 20, 2022 6:07:42 PM Me

Do you think it was because the request was few days old

Oct 20, 2022 6:08:17 PM (Read by you after 58 seconds) +13038752587

No - I just don’t have Apple Pay attached to any banks or cards

Oct 20, 2022 6:08:54 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Not sure why I had to add another app for the credit card and. It sure why it said cc was not valid

Oct 20, 2022 6:09:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I can get it sorted out in a bit

Oct 20, 2022 6:09:19 PM Me

https://account.venmo.com/u/Bert-Mahoney

Oct 20, 2022 6:09:33 PM Me

Oct 20, 2022 6:09:33 PM Me

Does that work better

Oct 20, 2022 6:13:19 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get $1

Oct 20, 2022 6:16:49 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

To Venmo

Oct 20, 2022 6:20:27 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Confirm receipt and I’ll send the rest

Oct 20, 2022 6:24:01 PM Me

Yes

Oct 20, 2022 6:24:06 PM Me

Yay!

Oct 20, 2022 6:25:33 PM +13038752587

Just sent confirm please

Oct 20, 2022 6:33:49 PM Me

Yep I see both of them one dollar and 199, I’ve been driving the car that’s why it took me so long

Oct 20, 2022 6:41:46 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

thanks for that!

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Oct 20, 2022 6:41:56 PM Me

make sure to send me the website information

Oct 20, 2022 6:48:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

did the site get fixed?

Oct 20, 2022 6:50:40 PM Me

taking dogs for hike before dark

Oct 20, 2022 6:50:55 PM Me

back online in about hour

Oct 20, 2022 7:02:30 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 47 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Once I get everything done here to depart at 4pm tomorrow

Oct 20, 2022 7:02:56 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 47 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll send login info et al

Oct 20, 2022 7:03:20 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Sometime tomorrow night - hopefully 🙏

Oct 20, 2022 7:04:14 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Probably have to do a manual migration- then tweak the pages a bit

Oct 21, 2022 12:00:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hola, its Friday

Oct 21, 2022 12:00:43 PM Me

how are things in mountain time?

Oct 21, 2022 12:02:29 PM Me

UPDATE: Heard back this morning from Jason. He spoke with Srikar (our ‘boss’) and also with Finance and HR. He told me he’s getting t’s crossed, I’d dotted and said he still has to talk with one person in the company and that looks to be happening Monday morning. So, looks like I’ll see the updated proposal on Monday EOD at the earliest.

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Oct 21, 2022 12:02:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So, if you like, send me some login info — lets kick this site out

Oct 21, 2022 12:03:11 PM Me

Also when do you fly to FLORIDA??

Oct 21, 2022 12:06:29 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Medium

Oct 21, 2022 12:50:15 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Crazyish but calm. Doing what I can to wrap up - rest will wait or be done remotely

Oct 21, 2022 1:19:49 PM Me

cool. Can you send me the login info for the site?

Oct 21, 2022 1:28:39 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Later

Oct 21, 2022 1:28:49 PM Me

k

Oct 21, 2022 9:07:30 PM Me

How goes it?

Oct 21, 2022 9:11:31 PM +13038752587

At our friends - taking a showering and doing final prep before heading to Florida in the morning

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Oct 21, 2022 9:12:38 PM Me

How long overseas?

Oct 21, 2022 9:33:00 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

6-9 mos is the plan

Oct 21, 2022 9:33:15 PM Me

👀

Oct 21, 2022 9:34:02 PM Me

Wow, thought it was a vacation, hahaha

Oct 21, 2022 9:34:12 PM Me

Like 6-9 weeks

Oct 21, 2022 9:41:29 PM +13038752587

Year abroad with the family- travel dates will depending on girls and war

Oct 21, 2022 9:42:28 PM Me

You realize how f’ed up it is? “Depends on the war”

Oct 21, 2022 9:42:40 PM Me

No bueno

Oct 21, 2022 9:45:09 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I know - already pulled Romania off the wish list. Interesting juxtaposition for sure. Going abroad with family, while Ukraine is dealing with destruction. Well aware as my one client has been there for humanitarian efforts - 5-6 times already.

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Oct 21, 2022 9:49:32 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Going to bed early. Get a good nights rest. Pu on some good sleep meditation

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Oct 21, 2022 9:53:38 PM Me

Bon voyage!

Oct 21, 2022 9:54:02 PM Me

Let me know when you're there

Oct 21, 2022 10:24:55 PM +13038752587

Off to Orlando for 4 days - visit my Dad and Patti. Leave Wednesday for France

Oct 23, 2022 11:44:10 AM Me

Hope Florida is treating you all well!

Oct 23, 2022 11:57:22 AM Me

Saw this quotation this morning and it hit HARD.

Oct 23, 2022 11:57:29 AM Me

Don’t ascribe ill intent where incompetence is likely to blame.

Oct 23, 2022 11:58:57 AM Me

Its as close to trying to say what I feel. I would replace “incompetence” with something, but it has yet to reveal itself to me. Maybe on a hike today.

Oct 23, 2022 3:53:23 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Perhaps “ignorance”

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Oct 23, 2022 3:55:50 PM ⇲ Me

Definitely ignorance and I think a few other things need to think a bit more about it today. but the challenges how does it not come across as trying to park this as an excuse? Anytime I try to bring clarity to my side of the situation it is either third perceived were taken in as me trying to make excuses for what happened

Oct 23, 2022 3:59:50 PM ⇲ +13038752587

You are both looking at the same door but seeing it through different lenses.

Oct 23, 2022 4:01:47 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Until there is a trusted advisor in between to help you see it through the same lense, there will be a stalemate

Oct 23, 2022 11:59:26 AM Me

Hope the humidity isn’t too bad. And say HI! To your dad and Patty for me.

Oct 23, 2022 12:43:37 PM Me

Sharing an observation. Liz is incredibly stoic with me. If I don’t say a word, or try to interact with her, she would act like I don’t exist. I feel the energy and vibration of disdain.

Oct 23, 2022 3:55:46 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Sounds like she is in a place of “mad” mind and interacting with you triggers her feelings

Oct 23, 2022 3:56:44 PM ⇲ +13038752587

You have made a break through by talking. Allow space and time for it to settle in.

Oct 23, 2022 12:46:03 PM Me

Finally heard back from local counselor and unfortunately she has a waitlist at this time. I’ll need to look into Ventura to find someone on our plan.

Oct 23, 2022 12:46:37 PM Me

Stories and lies are trying hard to break inside and dictate the narrative today.

Oct 23, 2022 12:47:14 PM Me

And the dark side is trying to pull me down I can feel it big time.

Oct 23, 2022 2:47:03 PM Me

Btw, you have my notifications silencd

Oct 23, 2022 2:48:42 PM Me

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Powerful

Oct 23, 2022 3:52:02 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Phone was in silence

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Oct 23, 2022 3:53:05 PM Me

Makes total sense, if I was traveling on vacation I wouldn’t want my life bothering me either 😂

Oct 23, 2022 3:53:23 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Perhaps “ignorance”

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2022 3:53:29 PM Me

Oct 23, 2022 3:53:41 PM Me

Current view

Oct 23, 2022 3:55:46 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Sounds like she is in a place of “mad” mind and interacting with you triggers her feelings
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2022 3:55:50 PM ⇱ Me

Definitely ignorance and I think a few other things need to think a bit more about it today. but the challenges how does it not come across as trying to park this as an excuse? Anytime I try to bring clarity to my side of the situation it is either third perceived were taken in as me trying to make excuses for what happened
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2022 3:56:44 PM ⇱ +13038752587

You have made a break through by talking. Allow space and time for it to settle in.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2022 3:59:50 PM ⇱ +13038752587

You are both looking at the same door but seeing it through different lenses.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2022 4:01:47 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Until there is a trusted advisor in between to help you see it through the same lense, there will be a stalemate
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2022 4:07:30 PM Me

I’ve been reflecting on how I behave during the talk. I broke down was very emotional, and honestly I let emotion drive my thinking and some of what I said. Nothing inflammatory just speaking my reality and truth for this past year plus. She has no idea or any insight into what this past year has been like for me. I regret we didn’t communicate, but I was operating from a space of time and distance for her to heal. meanwhile I was just trying to process why I was being accused of and what transpired that day. And processing everything that led up to it because I felt rejection for such a long period of time through a lot of training for IRONMAN etc. There was just no time for us to spend time together. from my side I am guilty of just swallowing it and not bringing it up every time. But whenever I did I could see her get very sad and then sort of disappear like go inside herself and withdraw, she would just disappear into training as her medicine to deal with everything, but that of course made her more distant from me and us. Her experience of this time especially before Covid is very different than mine. Of course I was depressed and that made me feel more isolated. Meanwhile I was spiraling into my depression deeper and deeper because I was feeling the ultimate rejection from my wife. Here I am as depressed as I’ve ever been and I can’t even get a hand put on my back and“are you OK?“ I think it was one night I was having a depressive episode she said that I should go check myself in. At first I didn’t know what she meant so I asked her what do you mean? When she made it clear what she was talking about, my depression instantly took over I need to suffer more and I rejected the idea when, if I had done that at that time I would not be in the situation i am today. 🥺 Anyhow I digress into my stories. Back to work here I want to know what this past year has been like for her but obviously she is very closed off and guarded.

Oct 23, 2022 4:07:46 PM Me

sorry for the long text but I’ve been hiking, and whenever I do I think about a lot of shit

Oct 23, 2022 4:45:56 PM +13038752587

It’s good to get it out of of your head - better place to process things.

Oct 23, 2022 4:46:24 PM +13038752587

Playing with the girls

Oct 23, 2022 5:14:20 PM +13038752587

We will be back by 8

Oct 24, 2022 2:32:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hope your monday in FL is going well! Waiting for the updated contract. Will let you know when it hits. Also, I know when traveling it is next to impossible to find time to do ANY work even with good intentions. I know, I’ve lived it. But any chance you can send me the login details? If not send me whatever state its in and I can make it work. I have the time to help now, before I get pulled into Hatch.

Oct 24, 2022 2:35:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, still looking for an MFT to help Liz and me. The one I found in Ojai has a waiting list of people. I found some in Ventura and reaching out today to some. It feels weird to ask people “hey anyone know a good marriage counselor?” 😛 Continued working on my website redesign too. I’ll send an update when I have one.

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Oct 24, 2022 9:18:03 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Some nights I lose hope. Tonight is one one them.

Oct 24, 2022 9:18:53 PM Me

Doing my best to ignore the lies of depression.

Oct 24, 2022 9:21:45 PM Me

Something in me wanting to make things I see into a story, a story providing more kindling for suffering.

Oct 25, 2022 6:32:55 AM +13038752587

Being aware of this is your opportunity to shift the story into one that moves you in a positive direction. You are aware, you have the tools, you have the skills and you have the desire.

Oct 25, 2022 8:40:54 AM +13038752587

Login info sent

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Oct 25, 2022 11:44:25 AM Me

This morning I’ve discovered I don’t know who I am. My whole life has been lived in reaction to and fear of others. Decisions, actions, thoughts all massively influenced and driven by other peoples words and reactions. Many times fictional stories made in my mind drove decisions and thinking. Certainly the last 5 years of my marriage have been this way intensely for me.

Oct 25, 2022 11:45:22 AM Me

When I think of the question who am I? No immediate answer comes to mind. I’m over 50 years old one would think by this time I would know who the hell I am Westy come on Weston come on let’s go Weston come on Weston let’s go

Oct 25, 2022 11:45:36 AM Me

You caught me calling for the dog there

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Oct 25, 2022 11:47:00 AM +13038752587

There is constant contact info birth if who we are

Oct 25, 2022 11:47:21 AM Me

I remember long ago one day I was standing in Nat and Sallie‘s house and Nat had a conversation with me, and he asked me so who are you? What do you stand for? What are you all about? And in that moment I came up totally blank I actually said to him “I don’t know“

Oct 25, 2022 11:48:15 AM Me

This was probably 1995 or 1996 and I remember it vividly. I felt very much put on the spot, and embarrassed and confused that I could not answer those questions

Oct 25, 2022 11:50:38 AM Me

For example, if someone were to ask you those questions right now, could you answer them? I still struggle for the words

Oct 25, 2022 12:04:12 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

No - not because I don’t know but because I think my answer is incomplete

Oct 25, 2022 12:04:56 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

I believe many people struggle with this because we spend so much time trying to fit in. It is part of our dNA as humans and pack animals

Oct 25, 2022 12:05:50 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Right now at this moment I am a very angry man working through the best course of action over the next 24 hrs for me and my family

Oct 25, 2022 12:38:29 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) ⇲ Me

i’ll prod — why angry? Everything ok?

Oct 25, 2022 12:06:24 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

I stand for fairness, clear communication, personal accountability

Oct 25, 2022 12:07:25 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Look to your core, the answer are there. You may not see them, or recognize them.

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Oct 25, 2022 12:07:58 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

And the best part is we can also choose new answers to these questions as we grow.

Oct 25, 2022 12:10:06 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

You have done lots of work this past year. You have unraveled lots of identities. You are at a great place to create the answers you want to these questions.

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Loved by Me

Oct 25, 2022 12:38:29 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) ⇱ Me

i’ll prod — why angry? Everything ok?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 25, 2022 12:43:05 PM +13038752587

Father son shit. I use that loosely. More like human to human

Oct 25, 2022 12:43:14 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

Just got back from a walk with Weston. I texted you that after my meditation. Things show up that I wasn’t looking for most of the time. Then I spend a whole day processing it. Those 2 sentences may encapsulate my daily routine/ritual for the past 14/15 months. There is some form of suffering every day. It’s part of peeling back each layer of the infinitely hided “onion of life 🧅” — if you’re not prepared or ready, there are usually tears involved 😿

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Oct 25, 2022 12:43:21 PM +13038752587

Father crossed a line in a big way.

Oct 25, 2022 12:43:42 PM ⇲ Me

understand and understood

Oct 25, 2022 12:43:42 PM ⇱ Me

understand and understood
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 25, 2022 12:46:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had that happen while I was in NY for all those months. My dad triggered me in one of his manipulative passive aggressive whiney rants and crossed a line with me. My dad didn’t like the adult version of me. I stood up to him, and pushed back ( I actually yelled ) I watched him cringe at ME for the first time in his life. That one moment was cathartic on many levels for me. I unloaded quite a bit in that moment.

Oct 25, 2022 12:46:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel you.

Oct 25, 2022 12:48:05 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Actually I’m grateful- expose the truth for what I knew it was and I don’t have to pretend for others benefit

Oct 25, 2022 12:49:31 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Well another day for my daughters.

Oct 25, 2022 12:50:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

in relation to what’s going down between you and your dad?

Oct 25, 2022 12:50:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Also, feel free to say “no mas” Not sure if I am an annoyance to you over there, or an outlet.

Oct 25, 2022 12:51:00 PM ⇲ Me

You can always vent in our thread 😊

Oct 25, 2022 12:52:02 PM ⇲ Me

I know I do that and let you know. It’s the “I need to get this out of my head” mode—I know it well. If I don’t get it out it eats up all the cycles in my brain.

Oct 25, 2022 12:50:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

in relation to what’s going down between you and your dad?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 25, 2022 12:50:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Also, feel free to say “no mas” Not sure if I am an annoyance to you over there, or an outlet.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 25, 2022 12:51:00 PM ⇱ Me

You can always vent in our thread 😊
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 25, 2022 12:52:02 PM ⇱ Me

I know I do that and let you know. It’s the “I need to get this out of my head” mode—I know it well. If I don’t get it out it eats up all the cycles in my brain.
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Oct 25, 2022 12:52:49 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, I had lunch by myself. Looking for the gift in the night

Oct 25, 2022 12:55:20 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

The truth is revealed. There is a sadness to it, but I don’t think it is mine. And that feels a bit sad. I really don’t care if I see or speak to the man.

Oct 25, 2022 12:56:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

that must be very powerful—feeling the need to remove yourself from everyone else

Oct 25, 2022 12:56:40 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Truth is I was hear for him to see his grand daughters. Been tiptoe ing around because we are not really welcome in the house (Patti) he actually said she can’t wait for us to leave.

Oct 25, 2022 12:59:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇲ Me

not everyone can see beyond their own needs or desires, and others lack the courtesy to keep their mouth shut and not share their simple-mindedness. I feel compassion for those people because they are suffering and do not know it.

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Oct 25, 2022 1:06:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

things people don’t know, that they don’t know completely outside their realm of awareness or reality

Oct 25, 2022 12:57:19 PM +13038752587

Tempted to leave now. But keeping it on the low down for the girls

Oct 25, 2022 12:58:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Time to be go in stage

Oct 25, 2022 1:05:31 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) ⇲ Me

The phrasing reeks of insincerity. However, what I think is needed is ‘masking’ and the force is strong with me on this. I had no idea this term existed in psychology and when I read about it, it was if I wrote the manual on it. In this situation I would mask myself (and this is just me) this way. I would be, not do. Observe, see, and be present. Speak when spoken to with politeness and brevity. Let go when awareness presents you with triggers. Breathe — pause, exhale, repeat — then resume. If someone were to ask me if anything is “up” I would reply “I’m processing some heavy things at the moment, yet working to remain present and be here with you.”

Oct 25, 2022 12:58:26 PM +13038752587

On

Oct 25, 2022 12:59:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇱ Me

not everyone can see beyond their own needs or desires, and others lack the courtesy to keep their mouth shut and not share their simple-mindedness. I feel compassion for those people because they are suffering and do not know it.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 25, 2022 1:05:31 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) ⇱ Me

The phrasing reeks of insincerity. However, what I think is needed is ‘masking’ and the force is strong with me on this. I had no idea this term existed in psychology and when I read about it, it was if I wrote the manual on it. In this situation I would mask myself (and this is just me) this way. I would be, not do. Observe, see, and be present. Speak when spoken to with politeness and brevity. Let go when awareness presents you with triggers. Breathe — pause, exhale, repeat — then resume. If someone were to ask me if anything is “up” I would reply “I’m processing some heavy things at the moment, yet working to remain present and be here with you.”
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 25, 2022 1:06:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

things people don’t know, that they don’t know completely outside their realm of awareness or reality
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Oct 25, 2022 1:07:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And of course all my thinking is what it is, just thinking. No judgement in there.

Oct 25, 2022 4:13:27 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

UPDATE: Heard back from Hatch. They have a few options to consider in reply to my counter. We have a meeting setup for this Friday. Hopeful we can seal the deal and I can start Monday, we’ll see. In the meantime, being broke sucks. I literally have no savings, all cards maxed, paying off back taxes, and maybe 5k in a fund. My net worth is literally negative. That’s the mindset thing that in The Strangest Secret

Oct 25, 2022 4:16:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

In a perfect world, there’s a giant “reset” button that when hit takes all your debt and consolidates it into a reasonable payment loan. One payment for all the debt. Let’s one simplify their life significantly. Problem is one cannot get a unsecured loan for this without paying Mafia loan rates. 😟

Oct 25, 2022 8:58:20 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

There are options for debt that are reasonable

Oct 25, 2022 8:59:11 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You must be willing to cut up all credit cards and go to a cash only system

Oct 25, 2022 8:59:52 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Tell me more about Hatch - what are the options?

Oct 25, 2022 9:00:24 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be awake until 8:45 PST

Oct 25, 2022 9:00:44 PM Me

dont know the options yet, I get them on Friday

Oct 26, 2022 10:47:20 AM +13038752587

Will you be able to migrate the site today?

Oct 26, 2022 11:58:56 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

serendipitous because I was going to ask you what was needed specifically. I’m logged in, have the page in visual composer mode, but I’m at the point where I need to know what the “finish line” is. Mainly because it looks like lots to do and I dont want to spin my wheels (you know what I mean :-) If you can make a simple bullet list of the high level things that need to happen that would be great.

Oct 26, 2022 11:59:45 AM Me

I have one appt today and that is to take Sallie to Drs. Be gone 90 to 120 mins. From 12:15pm—2:00ish

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Oct 26, 2022 12:15:09 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Migrate the site to siteground first

Oct 26, 2022 12:15:57 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

On the way to the airport now

Oct 26, 2022 12:22:37 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

ok

Oct 26, 2022 12:23:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Duh

Oct 26, 2022 12:23:05 PM Me

I see your notes in the email

Oct 26, 2022 12:23:21 PM Me

🤦‍♂️

Oct 26, 2022 12:25:28 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

been hard to focus over here… Amazon recruiter reached out today to setup an interview for a UX Design position in their FinTech division. The universe made that happen, so I’m inclined to pursue it. I have no idea how Friday will turn out, so not wanting to put all my eggs in one basket… Curious what you think about that? I’ll ping you updates on migration process.

Oct 26, 2022 12:47:57 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

That’s great to keep your options open. When is that interview?

Oct 26, 2022 12:48:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇲ Me

They are reaching out today to schedule. Following up with the e-introduction I was given to the recruiter from an Amazon contact I kept in touch with during all these months of hunting

Oct 26, 2022 12:48:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇱ Me

They are reaching out today to schedule. Following up with the e-introduction I was given to the recruiter from an Amazon contact I kept in touch with during all these months of hunting
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 26, 2022 12:49:13 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Friday will go well. They are looking for a way to bring you on board and want to see what will work.

Oct 26, 2022 12:52:39 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) ⇲ Me

They said they have multiple options, which makes me think they’ve looked at various ways to make it possible within their budget/structure. I’m hopeful they’ve taken into account that it costs more to live in SoCal than NorthCarolina, even if they’re in Winston-Salem (think Wake Forest University)

Oct 26, 2022 12:53:31 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I agree

Oct 26, 2022 12:54:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇲ Me

Honestly I’m looking for the market average/median for my specific geographic area (Aquent) Not the 75th percentile or above

Oct 26, 2022 12:51:12 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) +13038752587

What time is that meeting?

Oct 26, 2022 12:52:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

12pm PST

Oct 26, 2022 12:52:39 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) ⇱ Me

They said they have multiple options, which makes me think they’ve looked at various ways to make it possible within their budget/structure. I’m hopeful they’ve taken into account that it costs more to live in SoCal than NorthCarolina, even if they’re in Winston-Salem (think Wake Forest University)
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 26, 2022 12:52:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

12pm PST
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 26, 2022 12:53:31 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I agree
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 26, 2022 12:54:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇱ Me

Honestly I’m looking for the market average/median for my specific geographic area (Aquent) Not the 75th percentile or above
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 26, 2022 6:54:39 PM Me

Transfer is underway

Oct 26, 2022 6:55:09 PM Me

Applied to Amazon and will interview sometime in next couple weeks

Oct 27, 2022 12:28:18 AM (Read by you after 10 hours, 21 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Just arrived in Iceland airport depart in about an hour to Paris

Oct 27, 2022 7:32:25 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 17 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

In Paris 😀

Oct 27, 2022 10:51:02 AM Me

Wow, Bienvenue!!

Oct 27, 2022 10:51:31 AM Me

Let me know how hard it is to communicate with regular people on the street

Oct 27, 2022 10:53:46 AM Me

https://translate.google.com/?sl=fr&tl=en&op=translate

Oct 27, 2022 10:54:05 AM Me

If you give your phone the permission to use the microphone with that website people can talking to your phone and it will translate real time for you and vice versa

Oct 27, 2022 12:44:14 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Very cool

Oct 27, 2022 12:48:53 PM ⇲ Me

did you not know about that feature?

Oct 27, 2022 12:49:31 PM ⇲ Me

I’ve read online that many people swear by it when traveling abroad in places they don’t know the language and it works really well for them.

Oct 27, 2022 12:51:03 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I didn’t

Oct 27, 2022 12:44:38 PM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

Is migration complete?

Oct 27, 2022 12:45:30 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

If so I will change nameservers

Oct 27, 2022 12:48:25 PM Me

I ran into errors trying to use SiteGround’s tools. I tried to address the first two errors that came up — one at a time — and I was presented another error. Took about 15-20 mins each time to *hit* the error. I figured I was peeling an onion with no end in sight, so I’ve manually copied over the files. Today I connect the DB to the files and makes sure all the data inside the DB has the correct URL’s updated as well. I should have that done in the next hour or two. Have one thing to do before that. I’ll send an update when I have one. Let me know if you have any questions.

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Oct 27, 2022 12:48:53 PM ⇱ Me

did you not know about that feature?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 27, 2022 12:49:31 PM ⇱ Me

I’ve read online that many people swear by it when traveling abroad in places they don’t know the language and it works really well for them.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 27, 2022 12:51:03 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I didn’t
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 27, 2022 12:51:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Awesome. I likely just made some interactions easier for you + the fam.

Oct 27, 2022 12:52:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you can talk into it to ask a question and show it to the other person who sees it in their language. Then they can reply easily and you see what they said. And like I said, if cell service is good it should be nearly instantaneous translation

Oct 27, 2022 12:52:45 PM Me

good for restaurants, etc

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Oct 27, 2022 12:55:05 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Long day of travel with little sleep - we pushed through to now so we can adjust easier to this time zone. I believe we are 9hrs apart unlit fall back them 8 hour’s

Oct 27, 2022 12:55:55 PM Me

we are 9 hrs, because I know the difference with London because of Premier League.

Oct 27, 2022 12:56:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its 8

Oct 27, 2022 12:56:13 PM Me

just about 9pm there

Oct 27, 2022 12:56:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just about noon here

Oct 27, 2022 12:56:32 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Yep

Oct 27, 2022 12:57:43 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Have a good rest of the day Text when website migration complete. What time is your meeting tomorrow for offer options

Oct 27, 2022 2:58:11 PM Me

12 noon PST, so 9pm for you

Oct 27, 2022 4:55:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Transfer DNS of the site to SiteGround ASAP, Merci!

Oct 27, 2022 10:12:58 PM Me

me know when you have that done. I’ll try to make this work

Oct 28, 2022 6:36:15 AM +13038752587

Oct 28, 2022 11:26:43 AM ⇲ Me

Plug-ins turned off why it’s a mess

Oct 28, 2022 6:36:28 AM +13038752587

What happen to existing site?

Oct 28, 2022 6:36:57 AM +13038752587

This is our fallback if migration issues continue?

Oct 28, 2022 6:37:08 AM +13038752587

Updating dns now

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Oct 28, 2022 6:37:15 AM +13038752587

For siteground

Oct 28, 2022 6:40:57 AM +13038752587

No worries - I know it will all be good

Oct 28, 2022 11:26:43 AM ⇱ Me

Plug-ins turned off why it’s a mess
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 28, 2022 11:27:02 AM Me

I’ll let you know how my call at noon goes

Oct 28, 2022 11:55:35 AM Me

I’ve been able to login to the new server through WordPress. Now to get the old content to show up.

Oct 28, 2022 1:31:12 PM Me

Good Meeting. Their counter to me is to give me the rate I want (so they are going to pay me hourly) and the contract will be for 30 hours a week for the 6 month contract. If I work more than 30, I invoice it. So I get the rate I want, but with less committed hours per week. I actually like that setup. They did say they realize that I’m looking at data for salaries and regions. They also acknowledged that they are a small company, not anything compared to the Amazons, Google, FB, Apples of the world. They have to deal with P+L and budgets. Totally get it. I think I am going to sign the contract. I like Striker and Jason, the 2 main people I will work with almost constantly. Now I just wait for the revised paperwork and sign.

Oct 28, 2022 3:41:27 PM +13038752587

So, 8600 month? Approx. If you like them, and it feels good then it will be good.

Oct 28, 2022 3:49:18 PM +13038752587

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Oct 28, 2022 3:52:58 PM ⇲ Me

That is tres cool. I’ve stood in front of that painting too, but it was 1986

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Oct 28, 2022 3:49:21 PM Me

I do like them just from our conversations. Srikar, who will be my “boss” had built teams and products before. He’s been on board under 2yrs, and Jason, who is Product Manager, has been there just over a year. It’s a small team and I do like that over being inside a Googolplex. They both have plusses and minuses. Right now being on a small team is more appealing. The money is in the market for what I do. — $25/hr raise over what I was getting at A+L Guaranteed 30hrs wk, some wks more but invoice for all time over 30 @ my rate. No bennies for now. That will come if/when they want me as FTE. 9k a month is 30hrs/wk 12k is 40hrs/wk <— what I asked for So, I got the rate I asked for. They are guaranteeing 9k/mo, but offered 10k/mo So if they can keep me at 30hrs they will pay less. After a month I know it will be 40 and maybe more.

Oct 28, 2022 3:50:58 PM Me

And today was the first time all 3 of us were on the vid at the same time. I could feel from that meeting that we’ll work well together. I’ve met enough clients to know 😊

Oct 28, 2022 3:51:53 PM Me

So, just getting REALLY to working now. Working in wrapping up the move. The WordPress is up and running, however the posts and pages aren’t in place yet, so it looks empty

Oct 28, 2022 3:52:14 PM +13038752587

Oct 28, 2022 3:52:44 PM +13038752587

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Oct 28, 2022 3:54:30 PM ⇲ Me

how were they?

Oct 28, 2022 3:52:58 PM ⇱ Me

That is tres cool. I’ve stood in front of that painting too, but it was 1986
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 28, 2022 3:54:30 PM ⇱ Me

how were they?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 28, 2022 3:56:36 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Ah good - garlic pesto- tender

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Oct 28, 2022 3:56:55 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah said garden snails 🐌

Oct 28, 2022 4:03:36 PM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

How long to get the site functioning

Oct 28, 2022 4:04:22 PM ⇲ Me

couple hours or less

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Oct 28, 2022 4:04:21 PM +13038752587

Deal sounds good, feels good, is good

Oct 28, 2022 4:04:22 PM ⇱ Me

couple hours or less

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Oct 28, 2022 4:05:11 PM Me

sites running and the plugins are in there, just that the content isn’t in there yet. Finding best way to import thru MySQL Lots of guidance online and what to watch out for

Oct 28, 2022 4:07:54 PM Me

FYI — In todays Political News… Nancy Pelosis husband Paul was attacked in his home in San Fran today by a lunatic with a hammer. He was looking for Nancy. He’s been caught and Paul is in surgery with no other updates yet. Crigne-worthy political violence.

Oct 28, 2022 4:19:21 PM +13038752587

Wow

Oct 28, 2022 4:19:41 PM +13038752587

Oct 28, 2022 4:20:06 PM +13038752587

Better news - Lilly fell asleep after the louvre

Oct 28, 2022 4:21:15 PM Me

QUESTION: what is the original DNS server? Who was the hosting with? Now that DNS has propagated I can’t FTP into the old server and need to.

Oct 28, 2022 4:22:19 PM Me

FTP address was essencetribe.com and now I get prompted for password — doesn’t work because its going to site ground now

Oct 28, 2022 4:24:42 PM +13038752587

Login into siteground

Oct 28, 2022 4:25:14 PM Me

The other server, not site ground

Oct 28, 2022 4:25:21 PM Me

I’m in SiteGround

Oct 28, 2022 4:25:42 PM Me

whois shows traces of GoDaddy, but unsure

Oct 28, 2022 4:27:17 PM +13038752587

Oct 28, 2022 4:27:30 PM +13038752587

See siteground ftp

Oct 28, 2022 4:28:04 PM Me

I have that. The first host no longer works. It forwards to SiteGround because of the DNS change

Oct 28, 2022 4:28:21 PM Me

I need to get into the top server, not the bottom

Oct 28, 2022 4:28:35 PM +13038752587

Do you need acces la to original host wp- admin

Oct 28, 2022 4:29:24 PM Me

I need the server name or IP address to target the server the files are on. Dont need to login to WordPress at all

Oct 28, 2022 4:29:43 PM Me

Look at the host name on the top server listed

Oct 28, 2022 4:30:27 PM Me

its set to the domain name, which redirects to SiteGround. I need to know what company was the host on top. Like I said I think its GoDaddy, but unsure

Oct 28, 2022 4:31:03 PM Me

I checked and dont have all the uploads (images) and need to get them. The old DNS name would help

Oct 28, 2022 4:31:21 PM +13038752587

Domain is registered on GoDaddy

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Oct 28, 2022 4:32:12 PM +13038752587

Original host name as Indian company reselling GoDaddy I think

Oct 28, 2022 4:33:05 PM +13038752587

I have a complete backup of db and website on my laptop

Oct 28, 2022 4:33:08 PM Me

do you have the GoDaddy sign in?

Oct 28, 2022 4:33:12 PM +13038752587

Yes

Oct 28, 2022 4:33:31 PM Me

I can get the info I need if you can send that to me.

Oct 28, 2022 4:33:57 PM Me

I see how to find it, looked up in GD help center, but I need to be logged in to see the server name

Oct 28, 2022 4:34:23 PM Me

Once I’m in I wont need to bug you until I say I’m done 😊

Oct 28, 2022 4:34:25 PM +13038752587

In about 30m

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Oct 28, 2022 4:34:35 PM Me

Perfect

Oct 28, 2022 4:34:39 PM +13038752587

On the way back to hotel

Oct 28, 2022 4:34:47 PM Me

after midnight

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Oct 28, 2022 4:35:13 PM Me

So today you tried to get into the circadian rhythm of Paris

Oct 28, 2022 4:35:21 PM +13038752587

Oct 28, 2022 4:36:27 PM ⇲ Me

great pic

Oct 28, 2022 4:35:26 PM Me

Tired?

Oct 28, 2022 4:36:06 PM Me

Boulangerie? Patisserie? Somethingerie?

Oct 28, 2022 4:36:27 PM ⇱ Me

great pic
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 28, 2022 5:50:15 PM +13038752587

Sent GoDaddy

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Oct 28, 2022 5:51:57 PM +13038752587

At a certain supposed burial site

Oct 28, 2022 5:59:57 PM Me

haha, I think he’s there. If he was alive someone would have blurted it out by now

Oct 28, 2022 6:59:38 PM Me

I used the email and pw you sent but it didn’t work 😟￼

Oct 29, 2022 9:53:41 AM +13038752587

Sent email with login

Oct 29, 2022 9:54:07 AM +13038752587

Let me know when you are attempting to login

Oct 29, 2022 9:57:44 AM Me

Cool. Will try shortly

Oct 29, 2022 11:07:03 AM Me

hey there

Oct 29, 2022 11:07:06 AM Me

at computer

Oct 29, 2022 11:07:10 AM Me

got your email

Oct 29, 2022 11:07:15 AM Me

ready to sign in

Oct 29, 2022 11:07:56 AM Me

I see you want me to let you know in the email — 👋

Oct 29, 2022 11:08:39 AM Me

ping me

Oct 29, 2022 11:25:22 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

In the Eiffel Tower

Oct 29, 2022 11:26:57 AM Me

haha

Oct 29, 2022 11:26:59 AM Me

great timing

Oct 29, 2022 11:27:10 AM Me

when should I try?

Oct 29, 2022 11:29:53 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 29, 2022 11:30:18 AM Me

most excellent

Oct 29, 2022 11:31:09 AM Me

i’ll never forget our class getting to the top and looking out at the Parisian skyline and one girl says “where’s the Eiffel Tower?” 🤦‍♂️

Oct 29, 2022 11:33:41 AM Me

let me know when you can focus and I’ll login

Oct 29, 2022 11:45:15 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 29, 2022 11:47:20 AM Me

I’m imagining chachkas of all shapes and sizes of tower

Oct 29, 2022 11:47:50 AM Me

interesting its in english and not Francais

Oct 29, 2022 12:04:37 PM Me

again, I’m here on the computer now working on my site. Let me know when to login and get the code from you

Oct 29, 2022 12:14:16 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Try now - it will be a 3-way relay

Oct 29, 2022 12:21:13 PM Me

k

Oct 29, 2022 12:21:53 PM Me

k, had it text her the 6 digit code

Oct 29, 2022 12:21:59 PM Me

let me know

Oct 29, 2022 12:22:32 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

312426 is your GoDaddy verification code for login.

Oct 29, 2022 12:34:21 PM Me

didn’t work, had to ask again

Oct 29, 2022 12:34:57 PM +13038752587

713270 is your GoDaddy verification code for login.

Oct 29, 2022 12:35:21 PM Me

cool I’m in

Oct 29, 2022 12:38:49 PM Me

damn, files aren’t here. She wasn’t hosting at godaddy

Oct 29, 2022 12:46:07 PM Me

so i’m SOL without those old images

Oct 29, 2022 12:51:15 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

When you transferred - were they not in wp-content folder?

Oct 29, 2022 12:51:23 PM Me

nope

Oct 29, 2022 12:51:41 PM Me

Like I said yesterday I was having terrible drops on the servers

Oct 29, 2022 12:52:08 PM Me

have maintenance page up now:

Oct 29, 2022 12:52:09 PM +13038752587

They were hosted at infobridge

Oct 29, 2022 12:52:10 PM Me

https://www.essencetribe.com/

Oct 29, 2022 12:52:34 PM +13038752587

If I point the site back to GoDaddy

Oct 29, 2022 12:52:56 PM +13038752587

Ns31.domain control

Oct 29, 2022 12:53:07 PM +13038752587

Ns32.

Oct 29, 2022 12:53:19 PM Me

if you switch it back, I would be able to use FTP again

Oct 29, 2022 12:53:24 PM +13038752587

Then you can access files via ftp

Oct 29, 2022 12:53:28 PM Me

yep

Oct 29, 2022 12:53:41 PM +13038752587

Can you point it back

Oct 29, 2022 12:53:49 PM Me

yes

Oct 29, 2022 12:53:53 PM Me

no prob

Oct 29, 2022 12:54:05 PM Me

https://www.siteground.com/

Oct 29, 2022 12:54:08 PM Me

haha

Oct 29, 2022 12:54:18 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 29, 2022 12:54:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

My current locale

Oct 29, 2022 12:54:25 PM Me

I typed their name server address and it brought up the web preview

Oct 29, 2022 12:54:34 PM Me

haha you have a good antenna right now

Oct 29, 2022 12:55:45 PM Me

and to think sometime in the future that thing will eventually rust and fall down long after humans are gone

Oct 29, 2022 12:58:14 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 29, 2022 12:58:28 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 29, 2022 3:23:24 PM +13038752587

How goes things?

Oct 29, 2022 3:23:35 PM Me

Still waiting for propagation

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Oct 29, 2022 5:34:15 PM Me

Twitter

Oct 29, 2022 6:20:10 PM Me

Still waiting for propagation

Oct 30, 2022 11:16:24 AM Me

still waiting over here

Oct 30, 2022 11:16:31 AM Me

for propagation

Oct 30, 2022 3:36:33 PM Me

2:30pm here. Still not seeing propagation. I just logged into GoDaddy and see that its still set to ns1.siteground.net

Oct 30, 2022 3:36:38 PM Me

thought you were changing it

Oct 30, 2022 4:10:30 PM Me

I changed it. Just waiting for it to show up in my browser

Oct 31, 2022 9:31:17 AM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

What’s up with the website?

Oct 31, 2022 9:31:25 AM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

The theme is different.

Oct 31, 2022 9:32:12 AM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

It is also showing code on the pages.

Oct 31, 2022 9:33:26 AM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

The migration has to be completed today. Old hosting is expires.

Oct 31, 2022 10:22:27 AM Me

The DNS is pointing to old location. I have a maintenance page up, are you not seeing it? Everything should be done today

Oct 31, 2022 11:27:21 AM (Read by them after 2 hours, 29 minutes, 50 seconds) Me

Currently synching my local copy of wp-content with the new websites wp-content

Oct 31, 2022 12:47:01 PM Me

Feeling quite sad and depressed today. Been ghosted hard 4 days in a row

Oct 31, 2022 12:48:49 PM Me

Weird I’m used to it. Ghosting was “normal” for Liz before. She would claim she’s not doing it, but she was, and now it VERY intentional.

Oct 31, 2022 12:48:49 PM Me

I don’t like my life, forget about loving it. It’s been shit for almost a year and a half

Oct 31, 2022 12:48:49 PM Me

And ideation crawled into my brain this morning

Oct 31, 2022 2:17:48 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

🛑

Oct 31, 2022 2:17:55 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

IT

Oct 31, 2022 2:19:38 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Your path is not through Liz. In fact it has nothing to do with her. When you seek attention or any validation from her, you are listening to an old identity grasping to stay alive.

Oct 31, 2022 2:20:58 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Your path is through you. When your self worth and self love is from within then it can be from without.

Oct 31, 2022 2:26:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thanks for that

Oct 31, 2022 3:27:23 PM Me

FYI, just finished copying everything off the old web server. Just changed DNS

Oct 31, 2022 3:27:40 PM Me

Once I can login to the new location I’ll get it setup and running properly

Oct 31, 2022 3:27:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this was a very sticky process

Oct 31, 2022 3:38:33 PM Me

Had to reset admin email on the site. Its set to email you @ hotmail.

Oct 31, 2022 3:38:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If you could reset the pw and let me know what it is that would be great

Oct 31, 2022 3:39:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

actually scratch that

Oct 31, 2022 3:41:57 PM Me

I’m in . I was able to reset it.

Oct 31, 2022 3:46:34 PM Me

you should see this if you visit

Oct 31, 2022 3:46:36 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Oct 31, 2022 3:46:42 PM Me

the is from the site ground servers

Oct 31, 2022 4:06:18 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Still seeing maintenance

Oct 31, 2022 4:06:25 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 31, 2022 4:16:16 PM Me

Yeah, propagation

Oct 31, 2022 4:16:21 PM Me

That’s the old one

Oct 31, 2022 4:21:21 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Question - so we are migrating the existing site without changes - however I see changes to theme and I don’t see all the plugins that were in the original. Was it not possible to copy all files via ftp to siteground?

Oct 31, 2022 5:08:51 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 31, 2022 5:16:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 31, 2022 5:40:24 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

It’s 12:40 am. Off to bed

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Oct 31, 2022 6:38:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just back. I was at the first soccer practice of season for Thacher. I’m helping coach varsity. Darragh plays on Varsity.

Oct 31, 2022 9:47:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

login with ET-Admin

Oct 31, 2022 9:47:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2022@EssenceTribe

Oct 31, 2022 9:48:08 PM Me

the one theme that was active was corrupt. Is there a clean copy somewhere?

Oct 31, 2022 9:48:16 PM Me

Everything else is there.

Oct 31, 2022 9:48:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One note: some user roles were not assigned properly. So other than the one admin, all others are subscribers.

Oct 31, 2022 9:51:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my database export doesn’t include the membership data. If you can send me your copy of the database I can move the data over into the right tables

Oct 31, 2022 9:52:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve spent TOO MUCH time on this. This was exponentially harder than it should have been.

Nov 01, 2022 9:45:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey, saw your email.

Nov 01, 2022 9:45:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how can we get a copy of the theme?

Nov 01, 2022 9:58:57 AM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Probably- not when I get back to house

Nov 01, 2022 9:59:22 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Ignore the word not

Nov 01, 2022 9:59:34 AM Me

k

Nov 01, 2022 10:19:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

got my revised contract this morning

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Nov 01, 2022 11:09:34 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

let me know when you can send the theme.

Nov 01, 2022 11:09:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m at the desk.

Nov 01, 2022 11:29:43 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Walking home - about 30m

Nov 01, 2022 11:53:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Nov 01, 2022 1:09:33 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Compressing files to send

Nov 01, 2022 1:15:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Nov 01, 2022 2:07:13 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

You should have received them - issues with hotmail so sent via gmail

Nov 01, 2022 2:12:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yep I see them.

Nov 01, 2022 2:12:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

all currently downloading

Nov 01, 2022 2:13:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

getting on a call then can get back on this until I have coaching

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Nov 01, 2022 8:14:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m back online. You’re probably asleep. No worries. I have the files. I’ll take it as far as I can. Note: When I inherited the site, nothing looked right and nothing seemed to work properly. I dont know what plugins should be on/off, and I would not be able to tell if things are configured properly, etc. I’m sure you have notes, etc. let me know and thanks!

Nov 02, 2022 12:37:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its 11:30pm and I’m wiped out. I’ve gotten 1/2 through the database edits so it will import smoothly from your backup. It should return to the state it was on on Oct 2. I’ll pick up in the am. Getting up early, so let me know about the settings etc. I’ll ping you when online.

Nov 02, 2022 2:06:00 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Not sure what plugins were active - was not able to find my screenshot

Nov 02, 2022 2:06:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Nov 02, 2022 2:06:25 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Can you get it functional

Nov 02, 2022 2:06:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

working on that now

Nov 02, 2022 2:06:49 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Awesome- your the best

Nov 02, 2022 2:07:15 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Which I already knew but worth repeating aloud 😀

Nov 02, 2022 2:13:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

dealing with permissions issues for users.

Nov 02, 2022 2:14:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have the old database imported, and all the files in place. Just a matter of getting everything to talk

Nov 02, 2022 2:26:47 PM Me

The “ink” theme doesn’t have a header.php file. I’m getting error messages about it.

Nov 02, 2022 2:28:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Nov 02, 2022 2:28:57 PM Me

Is there a way to download a fresh copy of that theme from envato?

Nov 02, 2022 2:46:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m inside an onion at the moment.

Nov 02, 2022 2:46:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Restoring a database on siteground before import and starting it again. Not files, just the DB

Nov 02, 2022 3:59:42 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll have to buy it. Give me an hour. Putting girls to sleep

Nov 02, 2022 3:59:53 PM Me

ok

Nov 02, 2022 4:11:55 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Actually checking with client to see if the has her purchase receipt

Nov 02, 2022 4:12:08 PM Me

perfect

Nov 02, 2022 4:13:50 PM Me

if it doesn’t work this time, I’ll open a ticket and have the techs at SG take look. They won’t fix it, but will tell you where the issue is.

Nov 02, 2022 4:24:46 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Would it be easier to rebuild it in divi?

Nov 02, 2022 4:25:13 PM +13038752587

This site has been an issue since I asked for ftp access originally

Nov 02, 2022 4:25:26 PM Me

has it always been messed up?

Nov 02, 2022 4:26:19 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

No site seemed to be fine until client requested access to hosting account. And then the issues starte from what I can tell

Nov 02, 2022 4:26:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so someone was messing around via FTP?

Nov 02, 2022 4:26:58 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Ultimately this site was not maintained

Nov 02, 2022 4:27:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe, but it’s unclear who had access besides hosting company. From where I sit, they were in control of the whole thing

Nov 02, 2022 4:28:40 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Doesn’t matter know though. I want the fastest path to a functioning website. Use current theme or rebuild.

Nov 02, 2022 4:29:29 PM +13038752587

Current Users (members) are not needed. With new membership only a handful will have access in the future

Nov 02, 2022 4:29:31 PM Me

Let me try this one last import and if unsuccessful rebuild

Nov 02, 2022 4:30:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m headed out to take sallie to doctor. Be gone for a few hours. I’ll be back online tonight. Right now the synchronization is happening in the background

Nov 02, 2022 4:30:32 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - do you need a clean theme (repurchase Kleo) if she doesn’t have access?

Nov 02, 2022 4:30:57 PM Me

not yet. Save it for Divi if we need it

Nov 02, 2022 4:31:04 PM +13038752587

Ok

Nov 02, 2022 4:31:34 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be asleep when you get back. Message me how it went and I’ll pick it up from there

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Nov 02, 2022 4:33:53 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 1 minute, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like she has some info from original build. I will forward it to you when I get it. Not sure what may be of value but you can determine that

Nov 02, 2022 5:01:14 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 33 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Sent theme files from themeforest

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Nov 02, 2022 5:01:36 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 33 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Sent original build backup files from 2018

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Nov 02, 2022 9:44:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

walking dog then I’ll sit down and take another try at getting it to work

Nov 03, 2022 12:07:57 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

uploads still synchronizing, I have the DB ready to import, but want to do it in the morning when my mind is fresh. I’ll be back at it tomorrow. Things are looking good this tie around

Nov 03, 2022 6:25:03 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 16 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Text when your online

Nov 03, 2022 9:42:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hola

Nov 03, 2022 10:03:36 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Bon soir

Nov 03, 2022 10:04:03 AM Me

I know

Nov 03, 2022 10:04:12 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

How goes the progress

Nov 03, 2022 10:05:07 AM Me

Slow, but steady

Nov 03, 2022 10:05:14 AM Me

do you see the maintenance mode page?

Nov 03, 2022 10:06:13 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Nov 03, 2022 10:06:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool. Better than a broken site.

Nov 03, 2022 10:08:05 AM Me

so, having issues with FTP. Connection is erratic and likes to drop. I’m emailing the IT director here at the school to see if there’s anything I can do. I’ve tried using my VPN but that doesn’t seem to help either. Its weird.

Nov 03, 2022 10:08:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The site is nice and clean, I’m the admin.

Nov 03, 2022 10:08:31 AM Me

or my email is admin email.

Nov 03, 2022 10:09:03 AM Me

I have a clean copy of the database from backup

Nov 03, 2022 10:11:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going through and changing table names to match stiegrounds database installed with the site. There are a few other places in the database where some setting need changing too—less than 5 places. That way when I import the tables will overwrite what is there. Until the database is in place and working it will not “look” like it did.

Nov 03, 2022 10:12:28 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 03, 2022 10:13:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is the 5th try from the ground up. Each time I’ve run into issues — been frustrating, and an enormous time eater.

Nov 03, 2022 10:13:56 AM Me

11 hours so far

Nov 03, 2022 10:14:02 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

I need to upgrade my OS to use any vpn - high sierra is the requirement for nord

Nov 03, 2022 10:15:38 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

I understand- I have 3 or 4 attempts to migrate it too. Next time I will automatically require a new build when a site triggers siteground to say it’s corrupted

Nov 03, 2022 10:16:22 AM Me

I found it odd that site grounds migration tool barfed when it tried to move the site

Nov 03, 2022 10:16:38 AM Me

a warning sign 😊

Nov 03, 2022 10:17:13 AM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Btw - can you send invite for nords highest plan - the cloud storage is beneficial for me

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Nov 03, 2022 10:17:39 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did you accept contract with Hatch

Nov 03, 2022 10:18:06 AM Me

yes, signed docs and sent link to zip file on Dropbox last night

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Nov 03, 2022 10:18:27 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

When do you start?

Nov 03, 2022 10:19:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

They need some time to setup my access, accounts, etc inside their digital workspace and that is IT’s job. Plus they are shipping me devices—the ones the kids use in the classrooms so I can experience the tool myself

Nov 03, 2022 10:20:39 AM Me

on contract it said 11/14, and I did ask about why so far out. Setting me up, shipping, and prepping onboarding for them

Nov 03, 2022 10:22:16 AM Me

going to use time to rest. getting to this point has been exhausting, stressful, and riddled with anxiety, guilt, and shame. Today the focus is gratitude and letting go of the list above.

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Nov 03, 2022 10:23:13 AM Me

Other than the obvious financial benefit, mentally being busy on a new project will help calm my mind

Nov 04, 2022 2:23:24 PM (Read by them after 8 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

Nov 04, 2022 2:23:35 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 58 seconds) Me

It’s a rebuild

Nov 04, 2022 4:58:24 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 28 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ok - I’ll let her know and follow up tomorrow

Nov 04, 2022 2:23:49 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 44 seconds) Me

chasing my tail every time I get close to making it work

Nov 04, 2022 2:24:03 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

Let me know what you think. I’ll be away from computer for a bit

Nov 04, 2022 2:26:09 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

I have the content, pages, posts, images users, etc. But this is too messed up to fix on transfer

Nov 04, 2022 2:26:33 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes) Me

I’m up to 19 hours 👀

Nov 04, 2022 2:39:11 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

been at it a whole week

Nov 04, 2022 4:37:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hatch is getting ready to ship me equipment. Wrote a letter I’m sending to Credit Card companies about being slack on paymennt due to no $$$. Told them I’m starting a new gig and can begin paying meaningfully in December.

Nov 04, 2022 4:57:49 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

What is your monthly nut for credit cards?

Nov 04, 2022 4:58:24 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 28 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ok - I’ll let her know and follow up tomorrow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 04, 2022 5:02:36 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Based on what we have - how long to rebuild with a fresh database?

Nov 04, 2022 7:24:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

A few questions. Are there designs somewhere? Screenshots of what the site looks like? I never saw it functional.

Nov 04, 2022 7:25:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It looks to be using WPBakery Visual builder. Lots of <vb> tags

Nov 04, 2022 7:26:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I guess what I’m after is a scope document. What does this site need to do? What is BBEdit for? What functionality does it need to support?

Nov 05, 2022 2:43:47 AM +13038752587

I will put something together today and talk with Kimberly. She may just want to add a section to her main site.

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Nov 07, 2022 1:33:31 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

She is thinking about what she wants to do

Nov 07, 2022 1:34:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool. Was about to text you to ask

Nov 07, 2022 1:34:27 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Question- did you delete old version of theme and reload a clean version?

Nov 07, 2022 1:34:38 PM Me

yes

Nov 07, 2022 1:34:42 PM Me

version you sent me

Nov 07, 2022 1:34:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I was pulling out content and noticed it wants certain elements updated

Nov 07, 2022 1:35:36 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

Btw- admin password was reset- of course I did not save it- was rushing

Nov 07, 2022 1:36:08 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Anyway she is thinking of a rebuild based on her wireframe and pulling existing content out

Nov 07, 2022 1:36:33 PM Me

wireframe? Nice! That would be immensely helpful

Nov 07, 2022 1:36:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the road map

Nov 07, 2022 1:37:04 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Indeed- she realized she has all her notes from original build

Nov 07, 2022 3:13:26 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Outside last Wednesday

Nov 08, 2022 11:29:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good days bring pleasure, bad days bring experience. Both are important. Enjoy the good days, appreciate the bad ones, and keep the courage it takes to live fully.

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Nov 08, 2022 11:29:36 AM Me

—Bhante Sujatha

Nov 08, 2022 12:12:22 PM Me

any word from Kathleen?

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Nov 08, 2022 2:52:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

about the website

Nov 08, 2022 2:55:51 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Kimberly- she is digging through her files

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Nov 08, 2022 12:12:35 PM Me

how goes trying to find balance?

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Nov 08, 2022 2:53:18 PM ⇲ Me

family / work / self time balance?

Nov 08, 2022 2:56:41 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Adjusting - it’s a daily balancing act right now - we will get into a groove soon

Nov 08, 2022 2:52:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

about the website
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 08, 2022 2:53:18 PM ⇱ Me

family / work / self time balance?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 08, 2022 2:55:51 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Kimberly- she is digging through her files

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 08, 2022 2:56:41 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Adjusting - it’s a daily balancing act right now - we will get into a groove soon
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 08, 2022 2:56:54 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

How’s coaching going?

Nov 08, 2022 2:57:10 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Did you continue with other interviews

Nov 08, 2022 2:57:44 PM Me

coaching is going well. Getting to know the guys. Most dont know me. Some seniors do, but underclassmen

Nov 08, 2022 2:58:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this is first week with breaking into V/JV for training so I have only the big guys, including Darragh

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Nov 08, 2022 3:05:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Btw- you did not tell me what your monthly cc obligation is?

Nov 08, 2022 3:06:32 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Also did you look into 0% offers to consolidate? Now you can put down $144k salary based on hourly

Nov 08, 2022 3:07:00 PM Me

true, but they require proof, paystub, etc

Nov 08, 2022 3:07:54 PM (Read by you after 41 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Wells Fargo credit card and Bank of America dont require proof

Nov 08, 2022 3:08:16 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Both have 0% for 21 months

Nov 08, 2022 3:07:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve tried

Nov 08, 2022 3:07:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my credit score is in the 600s and I cant get anything below 22%

Nov 08, 2022 3:07:54 PM (Read by you after 41 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Wells Fargo credit card and Bank of America dont require proof
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 08, 2022 3:08:16 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Both have 0% for 21 months
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 08, 2022 3:09:48 PM Me

I can try BofA.

Nov 08, 2022 3:10:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I also know online banks like bestegg and sofi others offer solutions although there rates are 10-15% which is better than 22%

Nov 08, 2022 3:10:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

they wont lend to me at those rates. Some disqualify me outright.

Nov 08, 2022 3:11:12 PM ⇲ Me

I’ve tried ALL the online options. I was trying last year when I was visiting

Nov 08, 2022 3:10:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

WF I’m a known quantity. They likely wont touch me. They see my checking act

Nov 08, 2022 3:10:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

they wont lend to me at those rates. Some disqualify me outright.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 08, 2022 3:11:12 PM ⇱ Me

I’ve tried ALL the online options. I was trying last year when I was visiting
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 08, 2022 3:11:43 PM Me

rates are only higher now. With no income proof, online ppl wont touch you.

Nov 08, 2022 3:13:54 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Here is bofa link

Nov 08, 2022 3:14:02 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 1 second) +13038752587

Bank of America

Nov 08, 2022 3:14:15 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Could give you a little breathing room

Nov 08, 2022 3:14:40 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

Good news is in 30days you will be back in the flow

Nov 08, 2022 3:15:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

still behind on a few bills. Discover and MC

Nov 08, 2022 3:15:42 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Seriously- what is you current monthly obligation?

Nov 08, 2022 3:16:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have it, one min. Its in a google doc

Nov 08, 2022 3:17:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

750-800

Nov 08, 2022 3:17:55 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Does that include the amount your behind? How far behind 30, 60??

Nov 08, 2022 3:18:02 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Days

Nov 08, 2022 3:19:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

behind 45 on 3 of them. that totals 700 to get current on those

Nov 08, 2022 3:20:25 PM Me

then its 7750-800 normally

Nov 08, 2022 3:21:23 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

What three and exact amount past due?

Nov 08, 2022 3:21:52 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Then what accounts with amount due and due dates

Nov 08, 2022 3:33:28 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

1. Apply to Bank of America. (Could help bridge the gap) 2. Send due details in an email. Sounds like about $2k would do you solid to get you to your first check??

Nov 08, 2022 3:33:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’m off to bed it’s 11:30 here

Nov 08, 2022 3:33:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Nov 08, 2022 3:33:56 PM Me

I’ll send it

Nov 08, 2022 3:35:39 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Oh yeah! - you are awesome!! You went through the interview gauntlet and hit a bullseye 🎯 WELL DONE.

Nov 08, 2022 3:35:49 PM Me

thanks

Nov 08, 2022 3:35:59 PM Me

also, I did stop interviewing

Nov 08, 2022 3:36:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m tired

Nov 09, 2022 12:29:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

I was able to login to essencetribe website yesterday- not today?? Any thoughts

Nov 09, 2022 12:29:42 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 09, 2022 1:42:07 PM Me

that’s a theme error

Nov 09, 2022 1:42:11 PM Me

I can fix it

Nov 09, 2022 1:42:34 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Nov 09, 2022 1:42:49 PM Me

one sec, in there now

Nov 09, 2022 2:04:17 PM Me

k try now

Nov 09, 2022 2:04:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

had to restore database from 4 days ago

Nov 09, 2022 2:04:50 PM Me

was the first day that worked

Nov 09, 2022 2:05:16 PM Me

something messed up the db

Nov 09, 2022 2:36:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

let me know next steps when you can

Nov 09, 2022 2:57:35 PM (Read by you after 55 seconds) +13038752587

Able to login. Need to extract images and some content

Nov 09, 2022 2:58:39 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Thanks for the quick fix

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Nov 09, 2022 2:58:19 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

For me knowledge- can that be done via the database?

Nov 09, 2022 2:59:11 PM ⇲ Me

You do that inside of sight ground, you can go into the back ups and tell her to just restore the backup not the files I mean just the database not the files

Nov 09, 2022 2:59:20 PM ⇲ Me

I kept going back day by day until the damn thing worked

Nov 09, 2022 2:58:39 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Thanks for the quick fix

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 09, 2022 2:59:04 PM +13038752587

Sent you a good email

Nov 09, 2022 2:59:11 PM ⇱ Me

You do that inside of sight ground, you can go into the back ups and tell her to just restore the backup not the files I mean just the database not the files
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 09, 2022 2:59:20 PM ⇱ Me

I kept going back day by day until the damn thing worked
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 09, 2022 10:20:29 PM Me

Did u get my email 📧 as you asked?

Nov 10, 2022 1:24:09 AM +13038752587

1400 by 11/11 et 11/12

Nov 10, 2022 3:33:12 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Resend

Nov 10, 2022 3:34:24 PM ⇲ Me

11/12 will work

Nov 10, 2022 3:35:06 PM ⇲ Me

But need prescription refills tomorrow. Or side effects kick in on Sat 🤢

Nov 10, 2022 1:24:51 AM +13038752587

Did you apply for B of A

Nov 10, 2022 3:32:53 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Resend

Nov 10, 2022 10:09:07 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Nov 10, 2022 3:33:54 PM ⇲ Me

Here it is

Nov 10, 2022 10:09:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the credit system is totally messed up. Once you are in a hole, they want to keep you there

Nov 10, 2022 10:11:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Any word on the site?

Nov 10, 2022 10:12:24 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I get my new laptop from Hatch tomorrow and received an email outlining my upcoming week. Meetings, meetings, meetings.

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Nov 10, 2022 10:39:58 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 10, 2022 10:39:58 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

On our way home

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 10, 2022 10:40:15 AM +13038752587

Nov 10, 2022 10:40:32 AM +13038752587

Pretending to sleep

Nov 10, 2022 10:40:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

get rest when you can 😊

Nov 10, 2022 10:40:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m around/online the next 4-5 hours, then off to soccer

Nov 10, 2022 10:40:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

get rest when you can 😊
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 10, 2022 10:42:59 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 10, 2022 10:44:39 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 10, 2022 10:52:56 AM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

great pics

Nov 10, 2022 2:07:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

is it possible to venmo me $100? I’ve run out of my prescriptions, refills are ready tomorrow. lmk

Nov 10, 2022 2:07:28 PM Me

thanks!

Nov 10, 2022 3:32:53 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Resend
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 10, 2022 3:33:12 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Resend
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 10, 2022 3:33:54 PM ⇱ Me

Here it is
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 10, 2022 3:34:24 PM ⇱ Me

11/12 will work
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 10, 2022 3:35:01 PM +13038752587

You replied

Nov 10, 2022 3:35:06 PM ⇱ Me

But need prescription refills tomorrow. Or side effects kick in on Sat 🤢
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 10, 2022 3:39:57 PM +13038752587

Sent 100

Nov 10, 2022 3:41:43 PM +13038752587

Confirm receipt please

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 10, 2022 4:10:01 PM Me

I got it. Hit like and sent a message from inside the app. Thanks 🙏
Sent with Echo

Nov 11, 2022 11:09:51 AM Me

how goes today?

Nov 11, 2022 11:16:06 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Good day - long

Nov 11, 2022 11:30:33 AM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

How about you?

Nov 11, 2022 11:31:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just getting into the day. feeling a bit uncertain and lost—best way to describe it.

Nov 11, 2022 11:32:15 AM Me

big loser vibes

Nov 11, 2022 11:32:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it’s a light dusting of depression to go with my Friday

Nov 11, 2022 11:33:08 AM +13038752587

I understand that feeling but don’t let it suck you in

Nov 11, 2022 11:33:27 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Things are shifting.

Nov 11, 2022 11:33:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

whether I want them to or note

Nov 11, 2022 11:33:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not

Nov 11, 2022 11:34:12 AM +13038752587

Focus on the things that you want.

Nov 11, 2022 11:34:21 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

And only in them

Nov 11, 2022 11:42:29 AM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

I have a small project updating a website

Nov 11, 2022 11:42:44 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

If your up for it

Nov 11, 2022 11:42:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sure

Nov 11, 2022 11:43:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

need the $$$

Nov 11, 2022 11:43:14 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll send login details today

Nov 11, 2022 11:49:25 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

If you can complete it today that would be awesome

Nov 11, 2022 11:49:34 AM Me

Ok

Nov 11, 2022 11:50:10 AM +13038752587

Email sent- I get you login info momentarily

Nov 11, 2022 12:22:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Nov 11, 2022 12:30:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

is this the cheese site?

Nov 11, 2022 12:30:12 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Nov 11, 2022 12:30:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://cheeseimporters.com/

Nov 11, 2022 12:30:36 PM Me

just went there to confirm

Nov 11, 2022 12:30:53 PM Me

that favicon looks like a red taco

Nov 11, 2022 12:31:17 PM Me

should be a wedge of cheese

Nov 11, 2022 12:31:25 PM +13038752587

Theme and plugins need to updated-

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 11, 2022 12:31:54 PM Me

should I use a staging site to make sure things dont break?

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Nov 11, 2022 12:32:11 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

I can suggest that the lady has been part of their imagery from the beginning of the biz

Nov 11, 2022 12:33:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

understood, but to someone that doesn’t know them, it looks like a taco Its now how YOU see it, brand, logo, impression… its how people who dont know that you even exist see it. simple truth of branding, advertising, and user experience

Nov 11, 2022 12:32:17 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Nov 11, 2022 12:32:52 PM +13038752587

Creating a login with my email for us

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 11, 2022 12:33:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

understood, but to someone that doesn’t know them, it looks like a taco Its now how YOU see it, brand, logo, impression… its how people who dont know that you even exist see it. simple truth of branding, advertising, and user experience
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:34:40 PM Me

people have a hard time taking their likes/dislikes out of the equation and looking at “WHAT IS”

Nov 11, 2022 12:35:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll stop and not go down a rabbit hole.

Nov 11, 2022 12:35:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think I may start blogging with this new position. Just about the work of UX, tech, users, bullshit, hiking, darts, the buddha, ya know.

Nov 11, 2022 12:36:25 PM Me

I kick myself in the ass for not blogging in 1998 when it was staring me in the face. Seemed stupid at the time

Nov 11, 2022 12:36:54 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Water under the bridge

Nov 11, 2022 12:37:03 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get your meds

Nov 11, 2022 12:37:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no

Nov 11, 2022 12:37:53 PM Me

went to market with boys last night and spent $98. Be glad you’ll not have teenage boys. stomachs are black holes.

Nov 11, 2022 12:38:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I put my kids before me, go figure

Nov 11, 2022 12:38:57 PM +13038752587

Thought love ❤️ coming

Nov 11, 2022 12:39:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

thank thanks for the warning 🤣🤣🤣

Nov 11, 2022 12:39:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

thank thanks for the warning 🤣🤣🤣
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:40:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I beat myself up enough already

Nov 11, 2022 12:40:20 PM Me

and I know that if it worked, it would have worked already

Nov 11, 2022 12:47:38 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Is this regarding your meds

Nov 11, 2022 12:47:46 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Or something else

Nov 11, 2022 12:49:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

about being hard on myself. If being hard on myself worked, it would have worked already, long, long ago and I would be well past it. Instead is a vicious and pernicious habit as far back as I have memories. I did it when I was in preschool, K-12 and on…

Nov 11, 2022 12:51:36 PM (Read by you after 31 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ok, start pattern interrupting that 💩 and replacing it with good juju

Nov 11, 2022 12:52:03 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ok so you still need to get your meds- correct?

Nov 11, 2022 12:54:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I hear you. Been battling the depression and despair of relationships and when the mind and body are tired its VERY EASY for other old habits to go unchecked to a damaging degree. Part of the imbalance to balance challenges of life. Some people do not get blown over by some bits of life. But the longer I go on I’m convinced that I’m more autistic than I’m willing to admit. I have odd OCD things, weird anxieties, just shit that isn’t logical, not Spock-like.

Nov 11, 2022 12:55:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I do still need to get meds

Nov 11, 2022 12:57:39 PM ⇲ Me

I see your emails for the site.

Nov 11, 2022 12:40:35 PM +13038752587

1. Use knew it’s a priority to take care of your health. 2. You asked for help for that reason. 3. Taking care of yourself is making the boys a priority

Nov 11, 2022 12:41:22 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) ⇲ Me

Nov 11, 2022 12:40:38 PM Me

its one of my HARD habits from when I was a wee one

Nov 11, 2022 12:41:02 PM +13038752587

You will soon be able to treat them to snacks on a consistent level

Nov 11, 2022 12:42:11 PM ⇲ Me

VERY true.

Nov 11, 2022 12:41:22 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) ⇱ Me

This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:42:11 PM ⇱ Me

VERY true.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:43:13 PM Me

I’ve been making it by on financial vapor since February of this year

Nov 11, 2022 12:47:18 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

And you have done a good job

Nov 11, 2022 12:47:38 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Is this regarding your meds
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:47:46 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Or something else
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:48:17 PM Me

I can see that and know it. And I’m so close to not losing my fingernail grip on the cliffs edge before my new gig kicks in

Nov 11, 2022 12:49:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

about being hard on myself. If being hard on myself worked, it would have worked already, long, long ago and I would be well past it. Instead is a vicious and pernicious habit as far back as I have memories. I did it when I was in preschool, K-12 and on…
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:51:36 PM (Read by you after 31 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ok, start pattern interrupting that 💩 and replacing it with good juju
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:52:03 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ok so you still need to get your meds- correct?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:54:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I hear you. Been battling the depression and despair of relationships and when the mind and body are tired its VERY EASY for other old habits to go unchecked to a damaging degree. Part of the imbalance to balance challenges of life. Some people do not get blown over by some bits of life. But the longer I go on I’m convinced that I’m more autistic than I’m willing to admit. I have odd OCD things, weird anxieties, just shit that isn’t logical, not Spock-like.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:55:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I do still need to get meds
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:57:39 PM ⇱ Me

I see your emails for the site.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 12:58:33 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I’m going to hold you to your word. I’ll will Venmo the amount for the prescription and I would like to see the receipt today. Deal?

Nov 11, 2022 12:59:04 PM Me

deal

Nov 11, 2022 12:59:12 PM Me

easy-easy

Nov 11, 2022 12:59:21 PM Me

easy-peasy

Nov 11, 2022 12:59:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

lemon-squeezie

Nov 11, 2022 12:59:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

How much is the prescription

Nov 11, 2022 1:00:06 PM Me

$hould be $50 for 3 bottles I’m picking up

Nov 11, 2022 1:01:51 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Can you call them and ask the amount? This way you know you have the funds

Nov 11, 2022 1:03:31 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

It doesn’t help to go there and be off by a few bucks.

Nov 11, 2022 1:03:39 PM Me

true

Nov 11, 2022 1:03:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

give me a min to call then I need to get on the site

Nov 11, 2022 1:04:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

want to get it done today and now is my window

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Nov 11, 2022 1:04:02 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool

Nov 11, 2022 1:04:21 PM Me

I got your access emails I can see them but not opened

Nov 11, 2022 1:04:23 PM Me

calling first

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Nov 11, 2022 1:10:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, $50 confirmed

Nov 11, 2022 1:10:59 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

going to login to cheese site now

Nov 11, 2022 1:20:10 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Sent

Nov 11, 2022 1:20:36 PM +13038752587

Am creating a new staging site now

Nov 11, 2022 1:20:41 PM Me

I see it in my venmo

Nov 11, 2022 1:20:44 PM Me

thx

Nov 11, 2022 1:21:00 PM Me

and I’m logged into site so the credentials are working over here

Nov 11, 2022 1:21:56 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

What is your cafe beverage you treat yourself too

Nov 11, 2022 1:21:58 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

To

Nov 11, 2022 1:22:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

either latte, or frappacinos

Nov 11, 2022 1:36:29 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

There was a bit more than needed for your meds. I want you to treat yourself to a small reward in celebration 🎉 of your new job.

Nov 11, 2022 1:36:59 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Take a pic

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 11, 2022 1:23:35 PM Me

18 updates needed. Staging is a good idea

Nov 11, 2022 1:31:48 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

So I had a sub-domain I was doing lots of woo-commerce work on, but using that doesn’t make sense right now as that info isn’t being used currently.

Nov 11, 2022 1:32:37 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Thinking a staging for this update and then re-entering data for woo if they decide to finish that project.

Nov 11, 2022 1:34:09 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Or do we update the sub-domain and push that as the live site and then make woocommerce inactive

Nov 11, 2022 1:34:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

This probably makes the most sense

Nov 11, 2022 1:34:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Make woo inactive, clone a staging site, I’ll make changes, push it back.

Nov 11, 2022 1:34:50 PM Me

do backups

Nov 11, 2022 1:35:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I wont touch woo updates

Nov 11, 2022 1:35:25 PM Me

it already wants to update the database

Nov 11, 2022 1:36:29 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

There was a bit more than needed for your meds. I want you to treat yourself to a small reward in celebration 🎉 of your new job.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 1:36:59 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Take a pic

Reactions:

Liked by Me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2022 1:39:01 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Look a dev.cheese importers.com

Nov 11, 2022 1:46:12 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Login is the same

Nov 11, 2022 1:46:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Nov 11, 2022 1:46:23 PM +13038752587

No it’s not

Nov 11, 2022 1:48:38 PM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Same user name

Nov 11, 2022 1:49:17 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Password for dev site emailed

Nov 11, 2022 1:49:25 PM Me

k

Nov 11, 2022 1:51:16 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

The only difference in the dev site is it has all the work for woocommerce on it and a slightly different menu for the store

Nov 11, 2022 1:51:36 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

It is the most updated version of the website

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 11, 2022 1:54:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s make a staging site for dev. Get it dialed updated - push it live - then migrate the dev site to the main site

Nov 11, 2022 1:57:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll get it set up - go get you meds and treat

Nov 11, 2022 1:57:44 PM Me

I’m confused now

Nov 11, 2022 1:57:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and I only have an hour left

Nov 11, 2022 1:58:00 PM Me

then offline until about 6pm

Nov 11, 2022 1:58:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll detail the steps in an email

Nov 11, 2022 1:58:25 PM Me

soccer scrimmage against another school today.

Nov 11, 2022 1:58:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Nov 11, 2022 1:58:43 PM +13038752587

First things first go get your prescription

Nov 11, 2022 1:59:09 PM Me

not yet. That’s on my way to pickup sallie to watch darragh play in scrimmage

Nov 11, 2022 1:59:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ah perfect

Nov 11, 2022 1:59:27 PM Me

dont want multiple loops to town

Nov 11, 2022 1:59:31 PM +13038752587

Glad she doing better

Nov 11, 2022 1:59:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

30mins min each time

Nov 11, 2022 1:59:49 PM Me

just get it done asap and I’ll go as far as I can

Nov 11, 2022 1:59:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 11, 2022 2:21:27 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Had to push out an email for client- now girls to bed- I’ll be back an get things set up for you for later

Nov 11, 2022 2:25:55 PM Me

k

Nov 11, 2022 4:31:40 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 26 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Email with login to staging sent and notes

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 12, 2022 12:38:41 AM Me

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Nov 12, 2022 10:31:58 AM +13038752587

Bon Jour

Nov 12, 2022 11:22:39 AM Me

Hi, watching Chelsea play Newcastle right now with Darragh, I will get the website done today for sure

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Nov 12, 2022 2:01:09 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

can’t login to staging6 It doesn’t know who cheeseim_staging is BTW, instructions to me were very confusing. 😛 let me know on the password￼

Nov 12, 2022 2:02:32 PM Me

forget it. I got in, used FB22

Nov 12, 2022 4:54:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just emailed you an update.

Nov 12, 2022 4:54:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

all work is done

Nov 12, 2022 4:54:38 PM Me

notes in email.

Nov 12, 2022 4:54:44 PM Me

you need to review things.

Nov 12, 2022 4:54:58 PM Me

be sure to clear cache, dump cookies so you see pop-up

Nov 12, 2022 11:29:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

well off to bed

Nov 12, 2022 11:30:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Another Saturday night, and I ain’t got nobody… Depressing. Same as it ever was.

Nov 13, 2022 11:17:46 AM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

Let me know about Cheese Site and essencetribe when you can.

Nov 13, 2022 11:47:39 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Will do I’m about an hour

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 13, 2022 3:07:43 PM (Read by you after 21 hours, 10 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

I attempted to message you from MacBook but they did not go through

Nov 13, 2022 3:08:36 PM (Read by you after 21 hours, 9 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Popup plug-in is not active. Are you doing something with it?

Nov 14, 2022 12:18:47 PM Me

Hey there, I emailed you back this morning. Today’s my first day at hatch so I’m busy this afternoon for a couple of hours and then I have soccer

Nov 14, 2022 12:19:03 PM Me

I reactivated the pop-up plug-in, I must’ve left it off

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Nov 14, 2022 1:29:44 PM Me

I can move ahead and fix the tablet in Mobile navigation menus if you would like me to. Let me know if there is anything else beyond that otherwise I’ll Consider it done after I finish the menus

Nov 14, 2022 2:43:23 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, go ahead and fix Mobile navigation menus (there are custom css changes in Divi Theme options for menu and navigation)

Nov 14, 2022 2:43:40 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

What edits did you see needed in footer?

Nov 14, 2022 2:44:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It looked like the footer was built inside the page.

Nov 14, 2022 2:44:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so if you change it, you have to go to each page and change it

Nov 14, 2022 2:47:07 PM +13038752587

The footer is unique - so it completes the white border framing of the website.

Nov 14, 2022 3:04:49 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

The social media links are white and I don’t see how to easily change them without coding it.

Nov 14, 2022 3:09:46 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

I saved the footer section as a global section in library. This will all changes made to populate site wide

Nov 14, 2022 3:09:56 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 14, 2022 3:10:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

perfect

Nov 14, 2022 4:05:02 PM +13038752587

Ignore email about social links in footer. Issue resolved

Nov 14, 2022 4:07:54 PM +13038752587

Go ahead and do the background image change on the home page only you suggest. I will see what Samm thinks once he can see it.

Nov 14, 2022 4:08:30 PM +13038752587

Hope you had a great first day with Hatch

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Nov 14, 2022 4:13:40 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 58 minutes) +13038752587

We lost communication about CCs I thought I was going to have $3k come in by Saturday but that did not happen. One client is pulling back funding right now and the other went MIA. Shifted my available funds ☹️ Cheese project will bring in a few $

Nov 14, 2022 7:13:18 PM ⇲ Me

Cool. Just got back home and about to go online. I’ll get menus done and do the treatment on the homepage. I’ll clone it so we don’t lose the original and switching back is easy

Nov 14, 2022 7:13:18 PM ⇱ Me

Cool. Just got back home and about to go online. I’ll get menus done and do the treatment on the homepage. I’ll clone it so we don’t lose the original and switching back is easy
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 15, 2022 12:31:43 PM Me

emailed you

Nov 16, 2022 9:25:57 AM (Read by them after 45 seconds) Me

everything ok over there.

Nov 16, 2022 9:26:06 AM (Read by them after 36 seconds) Me

weird for you to be quiet for a whole day

Nov 16, 2022 12:50:16 PM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - out early today, all day

Nov 17, 2022 9:54:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Let me know next steps when you can. Been an incredibly busy week. My brain hasn’t felt this tired in a LONG time.

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Nov 17, 2022 9:54:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m “out of shape” when it comes to working

Nov 17, 2022 3:44:44 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 54 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you an email about cheese

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Nov 17, 2022 3:47:16 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 52 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 17, 2022 9:40:41 PM ⇲ Me

love the beer poster. can you buy one?

Nov 17, 2022 9:40:41 PM ⇱ Me

love the beer poster. can you buy one?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 18, 2022 4:49:45 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 53 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

It was in a pub’s toilette

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Nov 18, 2022 9:45:13 AM Me

Woke up to the realization that I’m a ghost here

Nov 18, 2022 9:45:52 AM Me

I don’t fucking deserve that treatment

Nov 18, 2022 9:46:31 AM Me

Anyhow, I find myself on the edge of anger this morning

Nov 18, 2022 9:47:17 AM Me

What’s the most infuriating is how I’m treated now, is exactly how I was treated before all of this it’s like I don’t fucking exist. I only exist when someone else needs me

Nov 18, 2022 9:47:48 AM Me

I’m not a priority, and honestly I don’t think I ever was

Nov 18, 2022 9:48:19 AM Me

Anyhow enough of that shit for today I’m done. You don’t have to text me anything about it. I’m just venting

Nov 18, 2022 11:45:19 AM +13038752587

Let it out

Nov 18, 2022 12:08:25 PM +13038752587

Nov 19, 2022 3:53:04 PM Me

A new anthem perhaps? We’ll see…

Nov 19, 2022 3:53:09 PM Me

https://open.spotify.com/track/1Uxti0PEEdieT526B8dAxZ?si=PWzG0Z6-SQ6WCLwTTfvmEw

Nov 19, 2022 9:03:25 PM Me

Saturday night and I’m bored When I’m not poor in a few weeks I’m going to start going out on weekends. Fuck this sitting around shit

Nov 20, 2022 3:13:10 PM +13038752587

How goes the World Cup?

Nov 20, 2022 3:13:34 PM +13038752587

Hope your Sunday was sunny 🌞

Nov 20, 2022 3:13:45 PM +13038752587

Off to bed

Nov 20, 2022 3:15:18 PM +13038752587

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A few pics from yesterday- a school fundraiser we happened upon

Nov 20, 2022 3:17:00 PM +13038752587

Kids climbing gym

Nov 21, 2022 12:08:06 AM Me

I’m definitely getting to the I don’t give a shit anymore part of the experience. I’m a non entity here, A ghost, Vaporware. Still don’t like life, it’s been almost 5 fucking years and I’m still miserable, but not clinically depressed There are times I want to end it all, but I continue to live in suffering so others don’t have to.

Nov 21, 2022 12:12:31 AM Me

Sometimes I really want to be done with the human experience. Whole life of fear, anxiety and depression only to be left alone and told to fuck off by the person I thought had my back. I’m so sad and hurt and just want it all to stop

Nov 22, 2022 12:31:32 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Nov 22, 2022 12:31:52 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Fun street art

Nov 22, 2022 12:32:15 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

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Nov 23, 2022 8:07:51 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 55 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

I have not listened but this came across my view and thought 💭 it may be of value

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Nov 23, 2022 8:07:57 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 55 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

https://konect.to/edmylett?utm_source=community.com&utm_medium=sms&utm_campaign=a38af38f-ac14-4a0c-b50c-921f91437bf3&cmty_campaign=a38af38f-ac14-4a0c-b50c-921f91437bf3

Nov 23, 2022 11:33:25 AM +13038752587

Did you check Venmo yesterday

Nov 23, 2022 11:33:59 AM Me

Yes, I received $250, thank you!

Nov 23, 2022 11:34:14 AM +13038752587

🥹

Nov 23, 2022 11:34:16 AM +13038752587

😀

Nov 23, 2022 11:34:42 AM +13038752587

First one was errand finger

Nov 23, 2022 4:35:58 PM Me

Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

Nov 23, 2022 4:36:02 PM Me

Gobble gobble

Nov 24, 2022 3:13:45 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

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Happy Thanksgiving 🍁

Nov 24, 2022 3:21:54 PM Me

Same to you guys!

Nov 25, 2022 9:08:29 PM Me

Celibacy SUCKS. 18mos and counting. What to do? Sit around? Find someone? Thoughts?

Nov 26, 2022 4:41:25 AM +13038752587

Let’s schedule a time to talk.

Nov 27, 2022 4:10:25 PM ⇲ Me

When r u free?

Nov 26, 2022 4:41:40 AM +13038752587

How goes the new position?

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Nov 26, 2022 4:41:53 AM +13038752587

How goes soccer ⚽️

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Nov 27, 2022 4:10:25 PM ⇱ Me

When r u free?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 27, 2022 4:21:53 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Calling it a night now 12:20am here

Nov 27, 2022 4:22:33 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

What your day like tomorrow? Reminder I’m 9 hours in front of you

Nov 27, 2022 4:25:02 PM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have time in your morning?

Nov 27, 2022 4:25:43 PM Me

I do have time but it would be before 9 AM Pacific

Nov 27, 2022 4:26:19 PM +13038752587

Nov 27, 2022 4:27:22 PM +13038752587

Cool - what say you 8am?

Nov 27, 2022 4:27:51 PM Me

That will work for me send

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Nov 27, 2022 4:30:08 PM +13038752587

A few more pics

Nov 27, 2022 4:31:37 PM +13038752587

Nov 27, 2022 4:31:45 PM +13038752587

Bon Nuit

Nov 27, 2022 4:37:15 PM Me

On the trail with two of my best friends trying to sort out my mind

Nov 27, 2022 4:37:41 PM Me

Be sure to zoom in to see if close

Nov 27, 2022 4:42:32 PM +13038752587

They look 👀 interested in something

Nov 27, 2022 4:45:21 PM +13038752587

What’s the sign say? Helrs or helps? Or is the a missing letter at the beginning

Nov 27, 2022 4:45:33 PM Me

They’re just excited to be out on the trail! Uphill climb to a peak right now and then a nice easy downhill hike to home with a sunset

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Nov 27, 2022 4:45:39 PM +13038752587

Beautiful day

Nov 27, 2022 4:46:09 PM Me

We’ve had extremely good weather the past four or five days, cool at night in the 40s and 70s in the daytime

Nov 27, 2022 4:48:21 PM +13038752587

Enjoy - sleep 💤 is calling

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Nov 28, 2022 9:11:16 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Ready

Nov 28, 2022 9:13:53 AM Me

Yes

Nov 28, 2022 9:18:39 AM +13038752587

I’ll call in 5

Nov 28, 2022 9:53:27 AM Me

U dropped

Nov 28, 2022 9:53:43 AM Me

I tried calling you back and it went straight to voicemail. It also says you have notifications silenced

Nov 28, 2022 3:49:15 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 18 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 30, 2022 9:13:10 AM Me

good morning

Nov 30, 2022 9:13:23 AM Me

replied to your text from the iCloud account

Nov 30, 2022 9:13:35 AM Me

my messages are turning green here

Nov 30, 2022 9:13:38 AM Me

you getting these>

Dec 01, 2022 12:49:59 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 23 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Dec 01, 2022 9:13:21 AM Me

Liked “Yes”

Dec 01, 2022 8:41:28 PM Me

Just emailed estimate back

Dec 24, 2022 6:39:09 PM Me

Does moon on my walk to dinner

Dec 27, 2022 8:30:12 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Loved “Does moon on my walk to dinner”

Jan 07, 2023 2:55:35 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it out

Jan 07, 2023 2:55:39 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Just got to Innsbruck Austria 🇦🇹 long day of travel. Off to bed.

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Jan 07, 2023 2:55:59 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 08, 2023 3:22:20 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

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Jan 08, 2023 3:26:53 PM Me

Are u back on phone for texting?

Jan 08, 2023 3:26:57 PM Me

Use this?

Jan 08, 2023 3:27:20 PM Me

Are you turning into Europeans by now?

Jan 08, 2023 3:27:28 PM Me

😝

Jan 08, 2023 3:53:14 PM Me

A sign of luck and hope growing out of horse shit

Jan 08, 2023 3:53:25 PM Me

Literally

Jan 08, 2023 4:14:18 PM Me

Look 👀 ￼

Jan 08, 2023 4:14:37 PM Me

Made local paper 😛

Jan 08, 2023 5:46:11 PM Me

Twitter

Jan 09, 2023 5:49:21 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 28 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Interesting 🤨 info

Jan 09, 2023 3:15:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 59 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

My likes of your messages did not send. Go Darragh! Luck 🍀 from 🐎 💩- love it. Good twitter post

Jan 09, 2023 3:16:05 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 09, 2023 5:15:05 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hi, just had our first couples therapy session.

Jan 09, 2023 5:15:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Liz wants a divorce. I was asked if I heard her. I did.

Jan 09, 2023 5:26:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I didn’t sign up for this

Jan 09, 2023 6:09:32 PM Me

I’m gutted. Having a hard time.

Jan 09, 2023 6:10:23 PM Me

Processing

Jan 09, 2023 6:33:29 PM Me

I’m dead inside

Jan 09, 2023 6:46:47 PM Me

I’m having a very hard time tonight. It’s raining intensely here and I wish I could fall asleep and either not wake up, or wake up back before COVID. It feels like I woke up from a coma after 18 months and told I can’t go back to my old life

Jan 09, 2023 6:47:34 PM Me

😨

Jan 09, 2023 8:35:01 PM Me

When you love someone unconditionally with all your being fiber and essence and to have history and wanting of a future relationship to be denied. It hurts so goddammed much Your house x10

Jan 09, 2023 8:37:08 PM Me

When you love someone unconditionally with all your fiber and essence and have history and wanting of a future relationship denied, It hurts so goddammed much Your house x10

Jan 09, 2023 8:38:05 PM Me

Decades, kids, all just exploded 💥

Jan 09, 2023 8:38:31 PM Me

I hate my life

Jan 09, 2023 8:44:10 PM Me

Twitter

Jan 09, 2023 8:49:17 PM Me

Jan 09, 2023 8:50:10 PM Me

And then this shows up. 😭😭😭😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jan 09, 2023 8:50:43 PM Me

Grieving hard here

Jan 09, 2023 8:50:49 PM Me

I'm ok

Jan 09, 2023 8:53:34 PM Me

But this is the only place I can say things to get them out I don't want to add to your plate 😁 Please know that. I just want someone in the universe to hear me. Feeling major tom to ground control…

Jan 09, 2023 9:35:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I joined this today. Been on there waitlist for a while:

Jan 09, 2023 9:35:44 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

SelfHealers Circle

Jan 09, 2023 11:03:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

To lose the woman I love and the family we built together is something I will never be able to overcome. Its literally like a part of me is dying right now.

Jan 09, 2023 11:48:12 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Sending you love and a big hug 🫂 I hear you and am listening always.

Jan 09, 2023 11:49:30 PM Me

It's about 11 and been crying since 4pm. Eyes hurt alot

Jan 09, 2023 11:49:41 PM Me

7 there?

Jan 09, 2023 11:49:50 PM +13038752587

750

Jan 09, 2023 11:50:03 PM +13038752587

It snowed some lost night

Jan 09, 2023 11:50:32 PM Me

We got 2+inchs of rain the past few hous

Jan 09, 2023 11:50:47 PM +13038752587

Seeing about renting skis as this looks like the only new snow for a while here

Jan 09, 2023 11:51:00 PM +13038752587

I heard California is getting tons of rain

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Jan 09, 2023 11:51:30 PM Me

We started counseling today. The woman we have is very nice.

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Jan 09, 2023 11:51:56 PM Me

Respectful and professional.

Jan 09, 2023 11:52:18 PM Me

Keep thinking too little too late

Jan 09, 2023 11:52:30 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I read the texts above.

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Jan 09, 2023 11:52:34 PM Me

To get to this point

Jan 09, 2023 11:53:17 PM Me

Suffering continues until I can let go

Jan 09, 2023 11:53:18 PM +13038752587

Yes it feels that way often in life

Jan 09, 2023 11:53:25 PM Me

That simple

Jan 09, 2023 11:53:58 PM Me

Listened to enough Dharma talks to know

Jan 09, 2023 11:54:25 PM Me

I know suffering quite well. We're old friends

Jan 09, 2023 11:55:32 PM +13038752587

Allow the feelings to flow. Do not get sucked into stories of blame/shame/guilt or what if’s.

Jan 09, 2023 11:58:00 PM Me

Already feeling those. Came on strong in session

Jan 09, 2023 11:59:18 PM Me

I'm in woulda coulda shoulda mode

Jan 10, 2023 12:01:23 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Write them down, get them out of your head and then burn the paper and let them go. They do not serve you. Note: you may need to repeat

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Jan 09, 2023 11:59:52 PM +13038752587

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Jan 10, 2023 12:00:07 AM Me

Therapy long ago would have made us way stronger. Makes me sad

Jan 10, 2023 12:00:50 AM Me

From earlier this afternoon

Jan 10, 2023 12:00:57 AM Me

Wow

Jan 10, 2023 12:01:23 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Write them down, get them out of your head and then burn the paper and let them go. They do not serve you. Note: you may need to repeat

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 10, 2023 12:02:31 AM +13038752587

Lots of rain

Jan 10, 2023 12:05:31 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

This is what is coming up for me… The current relationship may need to “die” in order for the new relationship to blossom. Therapy may be a way to facilitate this for both of you.

Jan 10, 2023 12:06:52 AM Me

I can see that but Liz is emotionless and expressionless during this. She seems very checked out to me

Jan 10, 2023 12:07:48 AM Me

I asked her not to ignore me tonight. I told her she makes me feel like I don't exist

Jan 10, 2023 12:09:29 AM +13038752587

Glad you are asking for what you need.

Jan 10, 2023 12:09:33 AM Me

She tried to talk back and down to me but I said excuse me I'm not your child which raised her eyebrows And left it at that

Jan 10, 2023 12:09:38 AM +13038752587

When is your next session

Jan 10, 2023 12:10:19 AM Me

Next Sunday. We get one a week. But unlimited text/chat during week

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Jan 10, 2023 12:11:09 AM Me

K going to try and wind down

Jan 10, 2023 12:11:35 AM Me

Have to present a logo tomorrow and need to finish up in the am

Jan 10, 2023 12:12:21 AM Me

Enjoy Austria 🇦🇹 and say hello to Sarah and the wee ones! Be safe and well

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Jan 10, 2023 12:12:45 AM Me

Ping me if anything comes to mind

Jan 10, 2023 12:12:57 AM +13038752587

Will do

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Jan 10, 2023 12:13:00 AM Me

You know what I mean, those thoughts that kind of fall out of the sky

Jan 10, 2023 12:13:27 AM +13038752587

Deep breaths

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Jan 10, 2023 7:01:55 AM Me

Woke up after a few hours of sleep and can't stop crying 😭 My head is splitting from headache.

Jan 10, 2023 7:03:21 AM Me

I can't live like this. Nothing is going to change the way I want, and my heart is broken HARD

Jan 10, 2023 7:05:17 AM +13038752587

Nothing is final. She said what she wanted. Now the task becomes how do you both let go of the past so you can build a future together. Keep what you want forefront

Jan 10, 2023 7:05:21 AM Me

I truly don't care about life anymore. Heartbreak and punishment of failing at love

Jan 10, 2023 7:05:59 AM +13038752587

You did not fail at love.

Jan 10, 2023 7:06:12 AM +13038752587

You are a champion of love.

Jan 10, 2023 7:06:31 AM Me

Can't reconcile that with how I feel

Jan 10, 2023 7:06:33 AM +13038752587

I am offline for a few hours

Jan 10, 2023 7:06:51 AM +13038752587

Lots of care coming your way

Jan 10, 2023 7:07:26 AM Me

This hurts too much

Jan 10, 2023 7:07:28 AM +13038752587

Get a tea or coffee and get to work on your project. Occupy your mind d

Jan 10, 2023 7:09:32 AM Me

I keep thinking it, so I'll say it I don't want to be alive I don't want a different life

Jan 10, 2023 7:10:12 AM +13038752587

Yes you do

Jan 10, 2023 7:10:57 AM +13038752587

You want a different life than the one you have been living for about 6+ years

Jan 10, 2023 7:11:22 AM Me

Almost 10

Jan 10, 2023 7:11:22 AM +13038752587

You want to live fully

Jan 10, 2023 7:11:37 AM +13038752587

Right now is a transition point

Jan 10, 2023 7:12:02 AM Me

Transition YEARS

Jan 10, 2023 7:12:05 AM +13038752587

Keep your focus on what you want especially now

Jan 10, 2023 7:12:11 AM +13038752587

Liked “Transition YEARS”

Jan 10, 2023 7:12:24 AM +13038752587

Ok - offline- I'll be back

Jan 10, 2023 7:12:39 AM Me

Liked “Ok - offline- I'll be back”

Jan 10, 2023 7:12:44 AM +13038752587

Text away - I read later

Jan 10, 2023 7:12:56 AM Me

Ok

Jan 10, 2023 7:39:42 AM Me

Conditional love

Jan 10, 2023 7:39:52 AM Me

Careful

Jan 10, 2023 7:39:58 AM Me

Cold

Jan 10, 2023 7:40:04 AM Me

Composed

Jan 10, 2023 7:41:04 AM Me

Her love always feels conditional, and has for a decade

Jan 10, 2023 7:41:57 AM Me

Only if her standard or need is met, then you might get some love

Jan 10, 2023 7:42:29 AM Me

“But make it quick” is what she said everytime, so she can get back to sleep

Jan 10, 2023 7:43:28 AM Me

So anytime there was intimacy, I was employed to “make it quick”

Jan 10, 2023 7:44:01 AM Me

Comes across as, quick then leave me the fuck alone

Jan 10, 2023 7:53:03 AM Me

I feel very broken.

Jan 10, 2023 12:39:13 PM Me

Don't have enough money to buy my medications and in out. Get paid tomorrow so on TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE WITHDRAWL SYMPTOMS

Jan 10, 2023 12:53:10 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Dude - how much is your medicine?

Jan 10, 2023 2:01:09 PM Me

I got it

Jan 10, 2023 2:01:12 PM Me

I'm ok

Jan 10, 2023 6:22:20 PM Me

I walk by this often and my heart hurts when I do. It’s where I took my vow, good times and bad, till death do us part.

Jan 10, 2023 6:23:23 PM Me

Heart break and suffering are still with me. And I've been masking going unto town or just now at soccer practice

Jan 11, 2023 12:50:34 AM Me

https://insig.ht/5MTpaOqPuwb

Jan 11, 2023 11:41:55 AM Me

love this; https://youtu.be/Zm1VIGNmPxI?t=285

Jan 12, 2023 11:28:58 PM Me

But honestly it still sucks

Jan 24, 2023 10:29:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there, you getting texts here again?

Jan 24, 2023 10:29:37 AM Me

Should I send here or the other location?

Jan 24, 2023 10:31:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m going to email you the link to my google doc. Hoping you can review and turnaround asap. I know that is a gigantic ask, but our session is tomorrow night and want to give our therapist time to review. the delay is on me. This is hard to write and edit. Painful shit.

Feb 15, 2023 9:31:24 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Feb 15, 2023 9:45:10 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Feb 15, 2023 9:47:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Feb 16, 2023 1:00:04 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Feb 16, 2023 1:04:21 PM Me

Feb 17, 2023 9:14:48 AM Me

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Feb 17, 2023 9:15:38 AM Me

Liz isn't trying

Feb 17, 2023 9:16:06 AM Me

And I can't accept that

Feb 17, 2023 12:17:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I forwarded the email I sent to our counselor about an hour after my last session last Wednesday.

Feb 17, 2023 2:18:24 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Got email - will read later

Feb 17, 2023 2:19:16 PM Me

Ok, a lot of knee jerk but most was on target now with a few days perspective. This was before I heard you say, “if you allow, there is giving not taking”

Feb 17, 2023 5:30:03 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 17, 2023 5:55:49 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

You can explained your feelings well. Did she respond to you? (Laurie)

Feb 17, 2023 5:56:14 PM Me

Not yet

Feb 17, 2023 5:56:36 PM Me

Cool clouds

Feb 17, 2023 5:57:17 PM Me

I am very in touch with my shit. It’s very easy for me to be clear in and on my mind.

Feb 17, 2023 5:57:30 PM Me

I’ve been doing it nonstop for almost 2 years

Feb 17, 2023 6:06:21 PM Me

This is the after work walk the dogs

Feb 17, 2023 6:07:52 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Mountains ⛰️ are magical

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Feb 17, 2023 6:31:44 PM Me

Total random question. How hard would it be for me to move to London or surrounding area and live there and work there let’s say for a year. I imagine I have to apply for something and you probably know all about it. Let me know.

Feb 17, 2023 6:34:14 PM +13038752587

Yes you would mostly likely apply for a type of remote worker visa. Each country has different rules

Feb 17, 2023 6:34:21 PM Me

Thinking of the idea after Darragh graduates he wants to take a gap year before starting college. I was thinking of moving to London having him come over maybe Declan and go see all our favorite soccer players all the teams.

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Feb 17, 2023 6:35:36 PM Me

I already shared it with Darragh and he was very excited. We would be able to see an entire premier league season. Plus, we could fly to the continent for champions league games and go see Real Madrid Barcelona go see Bayern Munich, Borussia, Dortmund.

Feb 17, 2023 6:36:12 PM Me

We would basically be visiting Spain, Italy, Germany probably Holland

Feb 17, 2023 6:36:58 PM Me

It would be a big year. I would of course be working as I normally would, and imagine if they were there living for a year they could get a part-time job so they have their own money and maybe take classes somewhere

Feb 17, 2023 6:41:57 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Students (taking a class or two) can be easier to get visas

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Feb 17, 2023 6:37:26 PM Me

We would be doing games for the Premier league during the week and weekends. And the champions league would be on the weekends.

Feb 17, 2023 6:38:17 PM Me

We might even get to catch Messi at PSG with MBappe, and Neymar jr. before he hangs up his cleats

Feb 17, 2023 6:39:26 PM Me

Actually, I could see us living in Newcastle on Tyne. Darragh loves Newcastle United. We could get season tickets have season seats.

Feb 17, 2023 6:41:57 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Students (taking a class or two) can be easier to get visas

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2023 8:03:02 PM Me

Can you talk tomorrow anytime?

Feb 17, 2023 8:03:30 PM Me

I want to talk with you about my idea for a plan moving forward with what my objectives are and timeframe.

Feb 17, 2023 8:04:59 PM Me

I plan to present this to the therapist in our talk on Sunday morning, and I want to get straight with her about what my objectives are here. We’re very clear on what Liz wants. I need to find a way to make that not happen and I do have some ideas and want to share those with you to see what you think.

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Feb 17, 2023 8:05:40 PM +13038752587

I’ll text you time frames tomorrow morning- depends how girls are feeling. Had to take Lilly to ER from croup- trouble breathing She is better today 😀

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Feb 17, 2023 8:06:26 PM Me

Sorry to hear about Lily not feeling well. Say hello from me.

Feb 17, 2023 8:06:50 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 17, 2023 8:07:04 PM Me

Wow

Feb 18, 2023 8:05:00 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

I should be available in about 15m for a little bit tonight or I have availability most of the day tomorrow

Feb 18, 2023 8:05:44 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

What time is you appt tomorrow with therapist?

Feb 18, 2023 8:34:07 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

9:15am. Lets l

Feb 18, 2023 8:34:22 PM Me

Lets talk tomorrow post session.

Feb 18, 2023 8:34:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Will be good to share with you as I come out of session, about 10am PST

Feb 18, 2023 8:35:09 PM Me

Free then?

Feb 18, 2023 8:39:04 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Feb 18, 2023 8:39:39 PM +13038752587

Are you sure you don’t want to talk before too. I have about 20m free now

Feb 18, 2023 8:39:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Cool

Feb 18, 2023 8:43:59 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Had a 2 hour talk with Derick Perry today. We talked about my situation. He was very honest with me. Told me I have put up with far too much shit when I told him about my experience over years. I was surprised, but then not. I learned to take less than I’m worth and have lived that way my whole life. Only my latest position did I negotiate for more than was initially offered, 24k more. I regretfully learned this from my mother. She never stood up for herself and me to the point of removing us, or me, from that hot kettle. Would have been cool if I could have lived in the Crest with you and Johnny Gusier(sp?) and gone swimming in his pool. 😊 I remember him and Billy Snyder on the corner

Feb 18, 2023 8:46:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m ready for my talk tomorrow with the therapist. Right now most things are high level because I haven’t done anything on the, Ala, apartment. However, I do have a plan in place to pay down all my debt sometime mid-summer. My plan is to stay here until my credit debt is zero. Then I can realistically look for an apartment if I am to live around here through Darraghs senior year. All that said, we need to continue weekly counseling as long as I am in this house. Its a must so we can establish normal human acknowledgement of someones existence on a consistent and persistent basis. 😊

Feb 18, 2023 8:46:59 PM +13038752587

Glad you had a good talk with Derick.

Feb 18, 2023 8:47:21 PM Me

Filled him in on lots he did know

Feb 18, 2023 8:47:27 PM +13038752587

Johnny and Bill - I wonder what they are up too

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Feb 18, 2023 8:47:46 PM ⇲ Me

Right? Facebook…

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Feb 18, 2023 8:47:28 PM Me

He has sway with Liz

Feb 18, 2023 8:47:46 PM ⇱ Me

Right? Facebook…

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 18, 2023 8:47:53 PM Me

Or LInkedIn

Feb 18, 2023 8:48:37 PM +13038752587

Worth looking - last I searched for Bill in FB when his younger sister died

Feb 18, 2023 8:48:43 PM +13038752587

No luck

Feb 18, 2023 8:48:58 PM Me

Sad to hear that

Feb 18, 2023 8:49:29 PM Me

2 guys I knew very well in high school recent passed away back in Wfd

Feb 18, 2023 8:49:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Both younger than me

Feb 18, 2023 8:49:52 PM Me

One was on Russ’ soccer team

Feb 18, 2023 8:52:07 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I remember teacher telling us about the statistics if who would make it to 30 or 40 or something. Shocking but quickly ignored as we were invincible

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Feb 18, 2023 8:52:27 PM +13038752587

At least we thought so then

Feb 18, 2023 8:52:30 PM Me

True

Feb 18, 2023 8:52:36 PM Me

No doubt

Feb 18, 2023 8:52:41 PM Me

I did

Feb 18, 2023 8:52:49 PM Me

50 seemed forever away

Feb 18, 2023 8:52:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Now its behind me

Feb 18, 2023 8:58:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Non sequitur: I had a significant letting go 2 days ago and didn’t really understand what I was experiencing until I sat with it. Knew knowledge triggered me and allowed a significant load of shame and guilt I’ve been carrying for two years to fall off my consciousness. It’s like being out of prison. I’m actually excited about getting an apartment and making it mine. Been looking for something by the beach $$$$. Farther in is less but everything is in its nascent phase. What I’m getting at is the prospect of going through all my shit here and shedding EVERYTHING but essentials, paying off debt, and getting my own pad would feel really excellent.

Feb 18, 2023 8:59:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It actually is something I look forward to instead of dread

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Feb 18, 2023 9:10:31 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Sleep well. I’ll talk with you tomorrow

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Feb 19, 2023 11:08:51 AM Me

Hey there. Done with my session.

Feb 19, 2023 11:09:02 AM Me

Getting fresh coffee, can you talk?

Feb 19, 2023 11:11:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m on the laptop doing some work to use up the extra 5 hours. Get to invoice for 65 hours past two weeks. Most I will have bullied

Feb 19, 2023 5:31:47 PM Me

Feb 19, 2023 5:38:29 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Just tried to call

Feb 19, 2023 5:38:34 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Call me

Feb 19, 2023 5:45:23 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

☎️

Feb 19, 2023 6:47:55 PM Me

I am emailing you a copy of my plan, it’s a rough draft for me to progress

Feb 19, 2023 6:49:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok, email sent to hotmail. Doing the writing now.

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Feb 19, 2023 7:48:35 PM Me

WOW! I just had Declan come talk to me and did not pick my face up from the screen for an hour. I’m gonna send you what I just wrote about her decision. The one thing I need your perspective on is taking in the context of her fear. The question I have is if you are, that terrified, you scream, you kick you punch.

Feb 19, 2023 7:56:37 PM Me

Just emailed you the link to it. Please give it a read tonight if you can.

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Feb 19, 2023 9:19:43 PM Me

Thanks. Even reflecting just this short time after writing it, I think it’s repeating itself, but I’m too emotionally tied to it to see where the repeats are, if that makes sense. I also want to know if there are parts where I am being too abstract, and just not tying it to real people in real feelings, and having it be without emotion

Feb 19, 2023 9:20:59 PM Me

I’ve actually done a lot of writing around all of this experience and I thought about trying to put it together in one long experiential thing. Is there any value in me writing down all these experiences in revelations? Is this just about me inside my school size kingdom? Would anyone in the world benefit from reading my nonsense?

Feb 19, 2023 9:22:35 PM Me

I’ve actually done a lot of writing around all of this experience and I thought about trying to put it together in one long experiential thing. Is there any value in me writing down all these experiences in revelations? Is this just about me inside my skull sized kingdom? Would anyone in the world benefit from reading my nonsense?

Feb 19, 2023 9:23:44 PM Me

Also thought 💭 about the fact that she brought me to her therapist multiple times few months after this happened. The deal there was to give space and time and then come back to talk about it. Thing is she’s not come back to talk about it and try to process it. She was willing back then otherwise why drag me into a therapist, right? Or am I off the mark here?

Feb 19, 2023 9:33:21 PM Me

I’m suspicious that she’s been talking to one particular person I know who doesn’t have anything against me per se, but if Liz told her the story the way she does from the victims perspective this person would have huge sway and influence Lizs thinking and direction. How do I deal with something like that? Note that there was a distinct difference in her after I came back from Colorado to New York. I remember her seeming far more pissed off when I came back from Colorado, and before I left for New York. Before I left for Colorado, she pulled herself into a cocoon of sorts, and really didn’t engage with me all that much. I vividly remember the painful moment when she dropped me off to catch my flight to New York, and I put my bags on the ground turned around and was gonna walk up to the window to say goodbye and she just gives me a cold stare, made a U-turn and pulled away. It was in that moment I began to cry, and basically didn’t stop until I landed in New York. It was a terrible time for me. I did start meditating, but that took about 7-8 weeks to really show results. And now I’ve been able to regulate my nervous system through meditation. I’ve never felt my nervous system calm ever in my life. It seriously was like seeing the second coming of Jesus Christ himself. I couldn’t believe the feeling I had inside of my body. There was a calmness and a serenity that I have never ever felt in my entire life. It was so peaceful that it was blissful. I don’t feel that all the time, of course, but that moment in meditation resonated through the rest of the day, when I did tap into it, and it was very powerful. Liz has never known me other than diss regulated ain’t mostly anxious with the sprinkling of depression, Bert, then I went massive depressive disorder with alcoholism and drug use to self medicate. I was in no state of mind to make clear, rational decisions. However, that’s not to say I am not accountable for what I’ve done to others. I’m totally responsible and I have spoken to my sons about this time in our lives and expressed my regret and remorse and apologize if I had hurt them in anyway either. They both accepted the apology and told me honestly they never felt threatened by me were scared by me. They were just confused as to what was going on with me. And then returning from New York she was more or less how she is now only talking to me when it’s about the boys or logistics.

Feb 19, 2023 9:34:55 PM Me

She’s been willing to come to the sessions with the counselor, and we’ve had a few negatives interactions at home outside of that after I confronted her about passing pain on to others. She did not like hearing that one bit. It pissed her off so much that she pointed at the door and said leave the room right now. Funny how effective that was because I quietly backpedal then shut the door.

Feb 19, 2023 9:36:00 PM Me

If we’re going to make any progress, we have to keep going to sessions and communicating. I will do this as long as it takes. Believe it or not I still want to save my marriage, because I love this woman more than she will effort be able to comprehend. So be it.

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Feb 19, 2023 9:36:49 PM Me

The big question I have is why is she unwilling to open up her heart to me? What did I do? Why have I been shut out from her life?

Feb 20, 2023 8:37:20 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Right now she is angry with you and probably herself. Prior to the depression episode. I suspect it has to do with Liz protecting herself and being in control. It is not about you. Perhaps she has past traumas from her childhood too. Self preservation is a powerful drive. Most times we are unaware of how we are operating by measures that were put in place long ago.

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Feb 19, 2023 9:38:13 PM Me

OK, maybe not open up her heart, but open up and be vulnerable and be willing to talk this out so we can understand each other. If I’m not able to understand her. I’m going to carry this to my grave

Feb 19, 2023 9:38:27 PM Me

The not understanding

Feb 20, 2023 8:37:20 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Right now she is angry with you and probably herself. Prior to the depression episode. I suspect it has to do with Liz protecting herself and being in control. It is not about you. Perhaps she has past traumas from her childhood too. Self preservation is a powerful drive. Most times we are unaware of how we are operating by measures that were put in place long ago.

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Feb 20, 2023 9:04:12 AM Me

Thanks for that

Feb 20, 2023 9:08:08 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 40 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Read both emails. I need to get on my laptop to make comment on the epiphany one. Sent in an email response to the plan

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Feb 20, 2023 11:48:30 AM Me

Thanks

Feb 20, 2023 1:34:54 PM Me

Is it wrong for me to ask Elizabeth if she has talked with her mother about our situation? I want to do that, so I know. I want to bring it up with her mom, but only if she knows.

Feb 20, 2023 1:37:16 PM +13038752587

Will you be seeing Sally soon

Feb 20, 2023 1:37:42 PM Me

At 2pm

Feb 20, 2023 1:37:56 PM (Read by you after 29 seconds) +13038752587

That’s pretty soon 😀

Feb 20, 2023 1:39:11 PM Me

I will be with her for many hours. I am taking her to an appointment for a doctor in Ventura.

Feb 20, 2023 1:40:02 PM +13038752587

I think it’s fine you ask Liz if she has mentioned you are considering divorce. You don’t want to catch Sally off guard.

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Feb 20, 2023 1:40:46 PM Me

I will text her right now. I think she is swimming at the club from 12 to one they call it the lunch Bunch.

Feb 20, 2023 2:08:23 PM Me

She has spoken with her about it

Feb 20, 2023 2:09:54 PM Me

Have to admit that I now feel a bit foolish being so upbeat and positive when I’m with her, she either thinks I’m crazy or she knows that I don’t know she knows

Feb 20, 2023 2:10:21 PM Me

My question for you and I hope you can answer before I leave is how do I broach the subject with her?

Feb 20, 2023 2:23:57 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

What do you want to know from her?

Feb 20, 2023 2:48:33 PM Me

What her thoughts are about it? Does she have any questions for me about it? And probably since she’s been through this hard to deal with it? Let me know. I am about to take off and go pick her up.

Feb 20, 2023 2:59:05 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 51 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Good questions

Feb 20, 2023 2:50:16 PM Me

She would know if Liz experienced any childhood trauma. She also knows her daughter pretty well, and might know ways in which I could get her to listen or to open up?

Feb 20, 2023 3:01:07 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

She may be able to give you insight into how to reach Liz. Not sure I would phrase anything as childhood trauma- could be a sensitive area

Feb 20, 2023 2:50:36 PM Me

What is rarely if ever opens up with me so I don’t know the details Sallie wood

Feb 20, 2023 2:59:05 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 51 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Good questions
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 20, 2023 3:01:07 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

She may be able to give you insight into how to reach Liz. Not sure I would phrase anything as childhood trauma- could be a sensitive area
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 20, 2023 6:50:17 PM Me

On my way home now. I just dropped Sallie off. I did not bring it up. I thought about it a lot for the whole time we were driving and I don’t know. I just didn’t have the courage I guess. I don’t know if it’s a shame or what it is. But I was definitely feeling it.

Feb 20, 2023 6:51:33 PM Me

However, I did share a lot about my mental illness and living with it dealing with it, and the inside teeth gained from it. I also shared with her my suicidal tendencies going all the way back to when I was 16. So I shared and opened up a lot with her tonight and Definitely told her things about my past. She had no idea about like how physically violent my dad could be.

Feb 20, 2023 6:53:19 PM Me

I mean, it’s probably the most traumatic thing that’s happened to Liz in her life, and she spoke into it with her mom. I feel a lot of shame and guilt around that, and to bring it up with her mom there is a side of that that is quite unknown to me in terms of expectations. In other words, she’s friendly and fine with me. Doesn’t treat me, like I’m a bad person, but I’m afraid if we start talking about that, I don’t know it’s gonna change our relationship or something. Let me know what you think.

Feb 20, 2023 6:54:55 PM Me

Hi also just had a wave of very dark feeling pass by me. I was talking a lot about depression with Sallie and I think talking about it a lot somehow dredges it in my brain.

Feb 20, 2023 6:59:41 PM +13038752587

Meditate and shift

Feb 20, 2023 7:00:02 PM +13038752587

I’ll respond later - but don’t read into anything or make up stories

Feb 20, 2023 7:00:14 PM Me

Ok

Feb 20, 2023 7:09:27 PM Me

The clearest way I can describe it is that I’m feeling extreme amounts of shame and guilt that were triggered by the idea of trying to talk to Sallie about the most traumatic thing that happened to her daughter and I was a part of it. So I don’t know if I can get over that Internally to allow myself the space to speak with her. I have a feeling she could be a great asset/Ally even though she is Elizabeth’s mom. Sallie has known me for old most 30 years and I would think that she knows who I am and that I am not that evil thing that I was. Anyway, on the verge of getting me emotional again I’m just tired of feeling ashamed.

Feb 20, 2023 9:08:57 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 44 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Breathe 🧘‍♂️

Feb 20, 2023 9:11:37 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 41 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

I would not assume what Liz has told her mother. She may have simply said you two have grown apart and decided to split.

Feb 20, 2023 11:53:53 PM Me

Right

Feb 20, 2023 11:53:58 PM Me

Thanks

Feb 20, 2023 11:54:15 PM Me

Actually, your instantaneous comment reply to tell me not to make stories helped me out immensely

Feb 21, 2023 9:48:45 AM Me

I’m struggling mentally. The unfairness of my situation is very painful 😖

Feb 21, 2023 9:49:31 AM +13038752587

Your next session is when? Solo or both

Feb 21, 2023 9:49:57 AM Me

Both is tommorw evening

Feb 21, 2023 9:50:26 AM Me

We’re supposed to connect solo today but haven’t heard back from her yet

Feb 21, 2023 9:51:09 AM +13038752587

What is the subject of the meeting today

Feb 21, 2023 9:51:36 AM Me

Finishing up from last session. Had some things to share

Feb 21, 2023 9:52:25 AM +13038752587

You and the therapist?

Feb 21, 2023 9:52:42 AM Me

Yes

Feb 21, 2023 9:53:00 AM Me

Insights into Waze are behaving in patterns

Feb 21, 2023 10:05:44 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Are you in meetings this morning for work

Feb 21, 2023 10:25:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi, yeah. You texted right while I was in one. 😊

Feb 21, 2023 10:27:47 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes) +13038752587

What your schedule today

Feb 21, 2023 10:35:32 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

have two more meetings today. One in 25 mins. Other is 12noon — 1pm

Feb 21, 2023 10:35:51 AM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

Just saw this and love it

Feb 21, 2023 11:07:06 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Text me if f you have time in between

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Feb 21, 2023 11:07:53 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Suggestion to “ A DISCOVERY” doc.

Feb 21, 2023 12:12:29 PM Me

Saw your emails come in for the recommendations

Feb 21, 2023 12:12:45 PM Me

Heading out to walk the dog right now. My next meeting is in 40 minutes.

Feb 21, 2023 12:16:33 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want to chat now or after your next meeting

Feb 21, 2023 12:17:57 PM Me

Let’s do after if that works for you

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Feb 21, 2023 12:18:16 PM +13038752587

Text when you’re done

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Feb 21, 2023 12:18:35 PM Me

It’s scheduled from 12 to one, but last time it ended early so I could potentially reach out earlier than one

Feb 21, 2023 2:32:38 PM Me

Hey there

Feb 21, 2023 2:33:39 PM Me

I am taking a break at the moment and walking Weston

Feb 21, 2023 11:42:55 PM Me

Liz spent the weekend in town at Joanna’s and still there tonight. I think she wants to be there during our call. Last week after the call I was incredibly triggered afterwards finding out she had “decided” to let things progress. I was very upset and disappointed 😢 and it made things more complicated to unpack than I thought. Of course my heart was broken and I let her know how upset I was. I was so mad I told her about my suicidal ideation and that in the darkest moments I chose them over the alternative, not once but twice. She knew I was depressed but not that far gone. All of this scares her. There is something deeper going on. In my conversation with Sallie yesterday I was sharing about my struggle with depression and the alcohol and the drugs. And then she shared about Adam and Greg list. His brothers, who have both gone through multiple periods of depression, drug use incarceration the whole ball of wax. I also need to know right now she is the only one taking care of her mother. Her brother Adam is MIA, and her brother Greg couldn’t help her if he wanted to. His back is basically disintegrating on him and he uses a walker to get around now .

Feb 21, 2023 11:45:28 PM Me

Sorry for that long diatribe. My point being and I will say this short as I can I believe Liz has some kind of phobia about mental illness. Her boyfriend, Tim, who she had been with right before me went schizophrenic and she watched it all happen. She watched him disappear and turn into somebody else. She has that trauma in her past, so it’s no surprise that when I got depressed and dark, I disappeared and turned into somebody else, and I’m sure triggered her past trauma. I never put that together before. She has the trauma of watching him turn into somebody else, and she was probably terrified of him. And then the same thing happens with her husband that makes so much more sense to me. It’s like she lives the trauma all over again .

Feb 21, 2023 11:46:52 PM Me

She was scared of me in a way that the boys were not and when I asked him about being scared, it’s more about my driving during that period of time which I was a grumpy driver. But I didn’t drive my car in the other people because I was angry with them that’s what a nut job would do. I wasn’t nuts. Her heightened fear makes total sense to me now, and I remember the way she used to look at me with big eyes and there was like concern/fear behind them. Oh my god this is huge.

Feb 22, 2023 10:28:52 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - great discoveries and perspective.

Feb 22, 2023 10:52:42 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I copied all that text in my notes.

Feb 22, 2023 10:54:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She was living her early life trauma all over again. In retrospect, I recall her being weird/afraid in a way I had never seen before. It was confusing, but I could barely keep myself going, let alone ask her what was up.

Feb 22, 2023 10:56:02 AM Me

## I never put that together before. She has the trauma of watching Tim turn into somebody else, and she was terrified seeing him go through that transformation—SHE FELT HELPLESS and TERRIFIED. I know this because she told me the stories long ago. And then the same thing happens with her husband; he drops into a deep depression, and self-hate turns him into someone else; SHE FELT HELPLESS, TERRIFIED AGAIN, and for someone **who likes to be in control,** this was more than unsettling. She watched my dark spiral happen until it blew up in my face—which it had to at some point. I know there is a long history of alcohol and drug abuse with her brothers. Interventions, rehab, etc. I sat in on an intervention with her brother Adam. When I was profoundly mentally ill, I was self-medicating with both to numb my suffering of feeling rejected. She was feeling the energy of my frustration. I didn’t believe I was worthy of asking for help. I had completely lost my ability to communicate pretty much anything with Liz because the energy of my severe depression and rejection frustration was palpable—it terrified her. I was lost inside my mind, blindfolded in a never-ending lightless labyrinth of suffocating silence and loneliness—depression—stranded inside my brain cells. This makes so much more sense now. I can see more of her suffering.

Feb 22, 2023 10:57:31 AM Me

Should I share this tonight? If so, how should I approach it? Just read this journaling?

Feb 22, 2023 11:31:35 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 9 minutes, 27 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes. An approach may be. I have been struggling to understand where you were and possibly are. I’d like to share something I journaled with you. After reading it, pause a moment to see how it lands for her. A follow up question may be to ask her what see thinks about it.

Feb 22, 2023 3:42:46 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 19 seconds) ⇲ Me

Perfect. And if she begins to open up, I want to offer her the chance to tell me everything that’s bothered her. Behaviors, habits, anything at all. I want her to be able to tell me personally everything that has been bothering her about me. Shes not had that chance. With me being quiet

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Feb 22, 2023 10:58:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think I answered a big void of my understanding, the WHY behind her way of being

Feb 22, 2023 10:58:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It helps me understand her suffering

Feb 22, 2023 10:58:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s all I want to do. Understand it so I can help

Feb 22, 2023 11:31:35 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 9 minutes, 27 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes. An approach may be. I have been struggling to understand where you were and possibly are. I’d like to share something I journaled with you. After reading it, pause a moment to see how it lands for her. A follow up question may be to ask her what see thinks about it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 22, 2023 3:42:46 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 19 seconds) ⇱ Me

Perfect. And if she begins to open up, I want to offer her the chance to tell me everything that’s bothered her. Behaviors, habits, anything at all. I want her to be able to tell me personally everything that has been bothering her about me. Shes not had that chance. With me being quiet

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Feb 22, 2023 7:09:38 PM Me

Hi having some sushi then meditating until session time at 6:45. I think I might talk about wearing the scarlet letter for a year and a half and last week session was triggering but was also a release so. I think I’m also going to bring up Elizabeth‘s relationship with the men in her family. Both of her brothers struggle with alcohol and drugs and yet she’s had to show the mercy and not get rid of them, and her father, the man who she idolized ended up having an affair and breaking up the marriage, which devastated her. Yet she was able to show him mercy, and I had a relationship after that with him, and even hung out with Laura his new wife. so I also had a problem with alcohol and drugs, but I was suffering a deep mental illness, causing that wasn’t just because the weather was blowing a certain way my illness, and the fact that I wasn’t properly treated meant I tried to self soothe with alcohol and drugs, which is wrong. So I have made mistakes. Yet I thought I was one of the men in her life and somehow Mercy is nowhere to be found. Please let me know what you think about that.

Feb 22, 2023 7:56:31 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Not sure if I seeing this too late. I would stay with what you sent me earlier. See where that goes.

Feb 22, 2023 7:57:03 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 30 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I would hold off on this part for now

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Feb 22, 2023 7:11:23 PM Me

K I may text you after the session. I’m gonna meditate so I can get regulated and not get triggered.

Feb 22, 2023 7:56:31 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Not sure if I seeing this too late. I would stay with what you sent me earlier. See where that goes.
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Feb 22, 2023 7:57:03 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 30 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I would hold off on this part for now

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Feb 23, 2023 2:36:38 AM Me

Feb 23, 2023 3:38:06 PM Me

How are things going today for you? What are you up to? Are you working on projects or daydreaming or what?

Feb 23, 2023 4:20:03 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Good. And you? Came down to Longmont-Willow is starting ing at Trees. Sarah is staying at her moms to help her tomorrow. Lilly and I will head back up the mtn. Lilly had preschool tomorrow morning. Yes to all the other qs. 😀

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Feb 23, 2023 3:38:52 PM Me

I’m all prepped for the rain. I can see it over the mountains. It is going to be here this evening and then tomorrow is I think 24 hours of water from the sky so I am planning on staying indoors, and working on things like cleaning the office and working on my plan.

Feb 23, 2023 4:20:48 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I heard 5” of rain 🌧️ ☔️

Feb 23, 2023 4:20:03 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Good. And you? Came down to Longmont-Willow is starting ing at Trees. Sarah is staying at her moms to help her tomorrow. Lilly and I will head back up the mtn. Lilly had preschool tomorrow morning. Yes to all the other qs. 😀

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Feb 23, 2023 4:20:48 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I heard 5” of rain 🌧️ ☔️
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 23, 2023 4:20:55 PM Me

Yes

Feb 23, 2023 4:20:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just started

Feb 23, 2023 4:29:34 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

I heard snow in parts of LA and Ventura counties. In the hills? Is it cold enough?

Feb 23, 2023 4:30:47 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Yes, storm is coming in from NW. Alaska. BIG cold front. Last night on my deck playing darts… 30 degrees.

Feb 23, 2023 4:37:15 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Wow that’s cold for your part of the woods

Feb 23, 2023 4:37:37 PM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

We were -8 this morning

Feb 23, 2023 4:38:45 PM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Here the temps at 8

Feb 23, 2023 5:31:42 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Wow

Feb 23, 2023 11:12:16 PM Me

Friday no bueno. 4-7 inches of rain 🌧️ 10-40mph wind 💨 Oy Vey!

Feb 25, 2023 2:46:25 PM Me

Be careful when basing your beliefs of another's account of what is right and wrong. Building your understanding should not rely on opinions of others, but through listening, thinking, and then making your own decision.

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Feb 25, 2023 3:49:21 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Has the rain stopped

Feb 25, 2023 3:53:06 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

JJ (Sarah’s sister) went to the mountains (China Peak Mtn Resort, south if Mammoth) to ski for her boyfriends birthday. No skiing ⛷️ too much snow 5’. Hopefully tomorrow the lifts will be operational and the roads cleared so they can get home in Monday.

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Feb 25, 2023 3:53:44 PM Me

Still raining, but lighter

Feb 25, 2023 8:06:31 PM Me

Instagram

Feb 25, 2023 8:16:41 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Like it The page sucked me in a bit Love to auto tone one and the early techno and oh yeah going back in time and meeting your younger self

Feb 25, 2023 8:22:57 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

We are watching our nephews this weekend

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Feb 25, 2023 8:28:07 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 26, 2023 11:51:43 AM Me

An excellent thread. Must read

Feb 26, 2023 11:51:45 AM Me

Twitter

Feb 26, 2023 12:27:37 PM Me

Twitter

Feb 26, 2023 1:11:15 PM Me

Feeling down today. Sucks

Feb 26, 2023 1:14:08 PM +13038752587

Feb 26, 2023 1:16:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Run to the hills… Or hike Did you get any snow on the peaks by you?

Feb 26, 2023 3:15:34 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Feb 26, 2023 3:15:57 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Feb 26, 2023 3:16:18 PM Me

Snow and oranges 😊

Feb 26, 2023 4:18:19 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful

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Feb 26, 2023 5:28:01 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Can I use your chat gpt login? Still waiting on mine

Feb 26, 2023 6:13:18 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

I was able to creat one today :-)

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Feb 26, 2023 6:15:50 PM Me

U got in?

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Feb 26, 2023 6:16:01 PM Me

How many submissions u get?

Feb 26, 2023 6:51:44 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

How do I know?

Feb 26, 2023 6:16:41 PM Me

Also Notion has Ai built in. You can ask her to summarize notes, speech, a presentation, whatever you throw at it, they can give you a summary, and if you tell it what kind of summary it will do exactly as you ask it.

Feb 26, 2023 6:52:24 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 52 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This week is all about diving in to AI - I have a course to catch up on

Feb 26, 2023 6:17:22 PM Me

U working or playing?

Feb 26, 2023 6:52:35 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 41 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Both

Feb 26, 2023 6:32:35 PM Me

“Give your questions time to breathe, and the answers will find you.” Jeff Foster

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Feb 26, 2023 6:51:44 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

How do I know?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 26, 2023 6:52:24 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 52 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This week is all about diving in to AI - I have a course to catch up on
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 26, 2023 6:52:35 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 41 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Both
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Feb 26, 2023 7:00:12 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Cool I am also part of Dall E too

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Feb 26, 2023 9:08:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bought myself a suit:

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Feb 26, 2023 9:08:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://senestudio.com/products/soho-flextech-suit?variant=41921072791749

Feb 26, 2023 9:16:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Reflect on how much useful energy you have spent on fear and worry. If it solved your problems, then please continue. If you find it wasn't energy well spent, find a new relationship with the challenges that concern you.

Feb 26, 2023 9:17:29 PM Me

“A prudent question is one half of wisdom.” – Francis Bacon

Feb 26, 2023 9:18:52 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

I believe the question is 80%

Feb 26, 2023 11:28:46 PM Me

Feb 27, 2023 9:19:07 AM Me

Rainy Monday here

Feb 27, 2023 9:25:49 AM Me

Going to give up alcohol for a while. Not that I’m drinking a lot, some on weekends shooting darts. But I notice how much more psychologically down I am the day after. Far more negative and down. Can u help keep me accountable on that? Also starting into a keto diet. I have the $$ to buy the pre made meals delivered. And going to learn how to get my body into ketosis by using fasting. I have stubborn gut fat I want gone. Not good for ticker.

Feb 27, 2023 10:45:05 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - I suggest finding a bubbly substitute- soda water. Something healthy to drink

Feb 27, 2023 10:45:48 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 39 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I’m going to send you a link about something to consider for getting healthy. Think I’m going to do it.

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Feb 27, 2023 9:25:51 AM Me

YouTube

Feb 27, 2023 9:26:52 AM Me

Also have ordered supplements to help with years of adrenal fatigue.

Feb 27, 2023 9:27:27 AM Me

And already been doing Athletic Greens for a month.

Feb 27, 2023 10:42:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

AG link:

Feb 27, 2023 10:42:12 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://fbuy.io/ag/5ha57eye

Feb 27, 2023 10:45:05 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - I suggest finding a bubbly substitute- soda water. Something healthy to drink
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 27, 2023 10:45:48 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 39 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I’m going to send you a link about something to consider for getting healthy. Think I’m going to do it.

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Feb 28, 2023 10:52:01 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

“We fight and suffer to gain ownership. We fight and suffer to keep ownership. We fight and suffer after losing ownership. Everything is a fight and suffering. The best alternative is to find the way to let go and discover the peace within ourselves.”

Feb 28, 2023 10:59:22 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 44 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

10X Health System

Mar 01, 2023 10:14:53 PM Me

Listened to the poet read this on Twitter. It spoke to me big time.

Mar 01, 2023 10:14:55 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Twitter

Mar 01, 2023 10:17:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dude, maybe Santa will bring this...

Mar 01, 2023 10:17:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

10X Health System

Mar 01, 2023 10:17:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

$132,936.00 USD

Mar 01, 2023 10:17:37 PM Me

GTFO! 🤣🤣🤣

Mar 02, 2023 10:32:03 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

For the busy millionaire

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Mar 02, 2023 10:35:58 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 17 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Did you look at the gene test and blood test? More interested in the supplement protocol. The owner of the company said you can get all the benefits without the equipment. Those are a convenience item.

Mar 03, 2023 1:57:15 AM Me

I did. But focused on some other things at the moment. Paying down bills and getting a used car. I have preapproved financing ready to go, so I just need to make the deal. I’ve also been very distracted by work, and I’ve been feeling very sad about Liz. She’s been down at Joanna‘s house for about a week now, and it’s now spring break so I expect her to stay down there for the next two weeks. I basically never see her. Don’t talk to her and don’t really text her. I’m wondering if I should, not be annoying, but be persistent in my outreach. When I do see her, I act normal optimistic positive. I’m not depressed or mopey. I am feeling really depressed and sad though because I still love my wife deeply. I really can’t get through to her because she won’t pay attention to me. There is still anger and other things that are making her put a wall up between us. I believe that I need other people to lobby her on my behalf. That’s what I’ve been thinking about in terms of talking with her mom. Her mom and I have a great relationship . And I think her mom knows who I am at my core. I also know she talked with her mom about it, but I have no idea to what level of detail and description she wet. So I am hesitant to bring it up with Sallie, but if I don’t, then I never Can get more understanding. Last time I spoke with Derick Perry I asked him straight up if he could help me and Liz try to uphold our vows like he promised to do when he was in the crowd on our wedding day. And I would ask the same of you. I know you’re far away, but there are ways to communicate. I’ve also been thinking about speaking to Joanna about this. I know that she knows this is a very tough time for everybody, but I want to ask her if she could at least consider the idea of having a conversation with Liz about reconsidering being with me. So at this point, I’m just looking for some advice on what I might be able to do to break through to my wife who I love with all my heart and don’t want to lose. Not because of anything other than love.

Mar 03, 2023 12:59:45 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s talk today’s

Mar 03, 2023 12:59:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Mar 03, 2023 1:00:00 PM +13038752587

What’s your schedule

Mar 03, 2023 1:00:05 PM +13038752587

I have time now

Mar 03, 2023 1:00:08 PM Me

Working now.

Mar 03, 2023 1:00:17 PM Me

Any other windows?

Mar 03, 2023 1:00:37 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - what’s you availability

Mar 03, 2023 1:00:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Later in afternoon is better for me

Mar 03, 2023 1:01:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

After 4

Mar 03, 2023 1:01:49 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

That’s close to dinner time here

Mar 03, 2023 1:01:58 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

How about 3

Mar 03, 2023 1:02:03 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Your time

Mar 03, 2023 1:02:07 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

?

Mar 03, 2023 1:02:17 PM Me

That could work

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Mar 03, 2023 1:03:15 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

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Mar 03, 2023 1:03:48 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Came across this - I like it

Mar 03, 2023 4:15:57 PM Me

I’m here

Mar 03, 2023 4:20:33 PM Me

Hola 👋 u said 3 been waiting

Mar 04, 2023 12:51:33 PM Me

Had a good talk with Derick. We talked for almost 2 1/2 hours. He didn’t share anything I didn’t already know. The one thing he did emphasize because it stood out to him was how concrete and final Liz sounded when she said she was “done“

Mar 04, 2023 12:53:26 PM Me

He also shared that she has decided to live down at Joanna‘s until I can get moved out of the house. She just feels better/happier when she’s not around me I guess. That’s kind of fucked up I think, but so be it. I’m getting to the point where I just feel a big “fuck you heartless motherfucker.” I think and feel that but I won’t express it. It’s just to hurt doing the talking and I know that. It’s very clear to me that the only way forward is going through divorce now. Which totally sucks and was not part of my life plan and has completely blindsided me. I thought she loved me.

Mar 04, 2023 12:54:57 PM Me

I didn’t know about her decision to basically move out until I move out. She doesn’t talk to me so I don’t know anything. I only know because Derick shared it with me. He did say some thing, though that I need to make sure I am moving forward. He said I don’t want to get to the point where maintenance is loading my shit on a truck and dumping it off campus I hope to God Liz does not do that. I’m going to communicate with her today about my plan for moving forward because she has not heard it because she hasn’t been in session the past two weeks. I don’t think she’ll ever come back to me dude. Breaks my fucking heart to have to go through this, but I will with my best fuck your face on.

Mar 04, 2023 12:59:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sorry to hear this. I’m not in a place to chat. I’ll reach out later. The future is it set in stone. It s malleable

Mar 04, 2023 1:12:56 PM Me

Thanks

Mar 04, 2023 1:15:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So fucking hurt and angry.

Mar 04, 2023 1:15:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its moments like this when I wish I had checked out of life

Mar 04, 2023 1:17:27 PM Me

Just wrote this and wanted to text it to her

Mar 04, 2023 1:17:30 PM Me

You know what, your dad was right. I am transition man. It was just a 30 year transition to break up our family. Thanks for making his prediction come true!

Mar 04, 2023 1:17:55 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Should I add a “fuck you!” To it? 😊

Mar 04, 2023 1:19:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ugh……………….

Mar 04, 2023 1:19:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feelings are so mixed up messed up right now.

Mar 04, 2023 1:20:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

SO ANGRY! I ALWAYS did right by her, ALWAYS!!!!!!! And this is what I get.

Mar 04, 2023 1:22:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling like I might not be able to hold back on saying “your fucking mother…” to the boys.

Mar 04, 2023 1:34:16 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Looking around the house, there is so much to do. I think I might just leave everything. Like why take plates and furniture, etc? I’ll just take my core shit and leave. I actually don’t want too much stuff from the past to remind me of her.

Mar 04, 2023 1:35:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its fitting that the last decision in the relationship is Liz getting her way

Mar 04, 2023 2:00:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I shared my plan and today I am a combination of angry, upset, sad, I’m all mixed up.

Mar 04, 2023 2:01:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want to ask Liz is sacrificing her marriage for Kona was worth it?

Mar 04, 2023 2:01:26 PM Me

Also want half of her medals.

Mar 04, 2023 2:01:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And half her retirement account since I dont have one.

Mar 04, 2023 2:02:08 PM Me

I’m going to make divorce hurt

Mar 04, 2023 2:33:58 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to my voicemail

Mar 04, 2023 2:34:34 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok, was away from phone doing laundry.

Mar 04, 2023 2:34:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Lots of resentment bubbling up

Mar 04, 2023 2:35:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Today in my texting to Liz… Bert Mahoney: I’m done. Sorry you have to hear that by text, but you won’t talk to me. Elizabeth Mahoney: Thank you. For me it’s better by text.

Mar 04, 2023 2:36:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Of course its better for you! You don’t have to face your decisions AND you get to remain in control. Its a win win for her and I really want to text that back to her. She’s chicken and can’t deal with her emotions. Fuck her

Mar 04, 2023 2:37:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m SOOOOOOOO DONE. Guess whose getting the invisible treatment now? What, wait…. what was that?? I thought I heard Liz, must be hearing things 😊

Mar 04, 2023 2:37:52 PM Me

Its YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEART time

Mar 04, 2023 2:38:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I texted her to let her know my plan because Derick said something about her having maintenance load my shit on trucks and take it off campus.

Mar 04, 2023 2:39:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

If she pulled that stunt on me… just hearing that it was part of her thinking boils my blood.

Mar 04, 2023 2:39:46 PM Me

Here’s what I texted after what I sent above…

Mar 04, 2023 2:40:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Elizabeth Mahoney: Thank you. For me it’s better by text. Bert: For me its not I’m sorry you feel unheard. I’m sorry you feel like I don’t listen to you. I’m sorry for not being a good husband. I’m sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry I didnt speak up. I thought I was being helpful by not bothering you. I am very hurt, and I will continue to express that hurt until is passes, if it ever does. I always did right by you, always All I ask is that you communicate with me and stop treating me like I don’t exist.

Mar 04, 2023 2:43:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Can you talk

Mar 04, 2023 2:44:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Yes. Can I have a few mins?

Mar 04, 2023 2:43:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She can’t talk with me unless a counselor is around. I know it’s because she doesn’t like NOT being in control. Now that I woke the fuck up, I’m not quiet and won’t sit in the corner and be silent, like my father used to do to me. I’m not going to allow her to fuck me over ANY MORE or mistreat ME ANY MORE. And I will call her shit out in that moment right in front of her no matter who is present. 30 years and I get treated like this? After all the sacrifices? Get The Fuck Out Of Here!

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Mar 04, 2023 2:44:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Yes. Can I have a few mins?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 04, 2023 2:44:11 PM +13038752587

2

Mar 04, 2023 2:44:14 PM Me

I’ll call you. Are you in a good place

Mar 04, 2023 2:44:15 PM +13038752587

😀

Mar 04, 2023 2:44:26 PM +13038752587

For 10m

Mar 04, 2023 2:44:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Mar 04, 2023 2:44:36 PM Me

One min.

Mar 04, 2023 3:19:34 PM Me

Otter: Transcribe Voice Notes

Mar 04, 2023 7:48:57 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Great app

Mar 04, 2023 7:49:15 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Had it for a while but used it little

Mar 04, 2023 7:49:26 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 53 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It’s reall good

Mar 04, 2023 3:19:34 PM Me

I just found this, and I have downloaded to check it out and try it. If you can record my voice and then turn those into transcribe notes. That would be great, especially if I could make it listen to my meetings, then I could ask AI to draft notes from the transcripts and I wouldn’t have to take notes inside the calls.

Mar 04, 2023 3:57:22 PM Me

Mar 04, 2023 4:39:04 PM Me

Evidence of me doing shit. Paring down

Mar 04, 2023 4:39:34 PM Me

Clean out rolling toolbox 🧰

Mar 04, 2023 4:42:36 PM Me

My pic on new bank card

Mar 04, 2023 6:51:45 PM Me

Sunset just now as I walk the dog

Mar 04, 2023 7:00:50 PM Me

I know that Barb, Lyza‘s friend had influence on her. I know this because she and Barbara’s been friends since Liz was in high school, and that Barb Lycans herself as a psychiatrist psychologist would have you for people that ride with her she’s a horse trainer. So she’s as much working on their writing technique is helping them deal with the shit in their life. So I would imagine that Barb and Jack did herself into my marriage and made Liz go down this path because this path she’s on now was not where she was initially. All of this to say that I would like to verify that Barb was involved before I rip her a new asshole.

Mar 04, 2023 7:01:48 PM Me

She may be a friend, but she’s not a mental health expert and for her to offer anything but empathy and compassion to Liz, and start to give her leading questions, or leading her with ideas that’s meddling, and I’ll tell you what she will get a fucking earful from me if I find out that that is true

Mar 04, 2023 7:02:40 PM Me

It be really cool if you could jump in the Star Trek transporter or I could jump into it and we could connect and go out for pints tonight and shoot some darts. That would be a lot of fun.

Mar 04, 2023 7:04:39 PM Me

OK, back to the relationship Brandt all I’m saying is I don’t think Liz arrived at divorce without outside interference of some kind from someone. That’s what I mean when I say this is not her this isn’t like her. When when have you heard of Liz being the type of person that gives up? Right exactly. I’m done is a total copout and not living up to your vows so I am pissed at her for that and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for that

Mar 04, 2023 7:05:40 PM Me

The thing I’m really having a hard time. Also wrapping my head around is how did we go from? Bert is not well has a mental illness and needs help to. I want to divorce. There that’s where we jumped from and two and I’m looking for an explanation why Derick shared with me the hard fact, sorry, the hard plausibility that I may never really know why she may hold that a secret till her grave.

Mar 04, 2023 7:06:26 PM Me

She was triggering so much of my behavior. I didn’t know it at the time, and I’m sure she didn’t know.

Mar 04, 2023 7:07:33 PM Me

The students left campus today for spring break. The campus will be quiet the next two weeks so I am going to put in a request to have a dumpster put outside my garage so that I can start going through shit and weeding out things and stacking them nicely somewhere until I’m ready to put them in a vehicle and move on.

Mar 04, 2023 7:08:14 PM Me

I’m going to go room by room, closet by closet, bathroom by bathroom, and put things in boxes that I want to keep. Otherwise, I’m gonna pitch it or give it away.

Mar 04, 2023 7:09:29 PM Me

Also, I already saw a hot looking woman on that app who lives 36 miles away and is 54. She has kids and doesn’t want anymore. At least that’s what the app tells me

Mar 04, 2023 7:09:33 PM Me

🤣

Mar 04, 2023 7:11:14 PM Me

I was thinking that some people may perceive my idea of jumping out and going dating as being disrespectful somehow. The thing is, I’ve been ignored for years. So mentally for me like I’m ready to meet somebody new who is interesting fun to talk to fun to hang out with and just a good human being. It wouldn’t hurt if they’re also very good looking. 😬

Mar 04, 2023 7:14:36 PM Me

also, I have two ideas for making some art, and selling it. This is not make me $1 million kind of thing. It’s just me making art that I think other people might think cool. One is stickers, like bumper, stickers, window stickers, of different noodle bowl places around Ohio. And some of the mountain tops like the Chiefs peak in the TOPA topas. Anyhow, I know you have a business head one that I don’t have and maybe you know of a resource online that is here’s the 75 or 87 steps to setting up your small tiny art shop business online. I’m not sure if I wanna go with something like an Etsy etc. I’d love to hear your thoughts around this .

Mar 04, 2023 7:15:19 PM Me

I think Liz is using wicks or square space to run her Liz Mahoneyart.com website. You should check it out if you have it. She has some great posters, rather photographs on there that you can get in any size and the calendar is amazing.

Mar 04, 2023 7:48:57 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Great app
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 04, 2023 7:49:15 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Had it for a while but used it little
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 04, 2023 7:49:26 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 53 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It’s reall good
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Mar 04, 2023 7:49:54 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

I will read and reply later

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Mar 04, 2023 11:23:10 PM Me

I was just thinking that I wanted to Text Liz and say, “I hope triathlon and chasing Kona gave you everything you wanted in life.”

Mar 04, 2023 11:23:32 PM Me

It was certainly more important than me

Mar 04, 2023 11:25:06 PM Me

When shit gets tough during training, she somehow figure out a way to make things work in the end. Interesting that she’s in capable of doing the same thing with what many would consider the singular most important relationship in her life if they were looking from the outside. But they would be mistaken Because triathlon is more important than her husband ever was.

Mar 04, 2023 11:27:05 PM Me

Mar 04, 2023 11:28:13 PM Me

I want to tell her that I find it incredibly sad that at some point during her life, she lost sight of what was important

Mar 04, 2023 11:31:58 PM Me

Let me know what you think.

Mar 05, 2023 1:20:32 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Selfish

Mar 05, 2023 1:20:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

selfish

Mar 05, 2023 1:48:40 AM Me

My reply to Joanna i nearly sent Everything is shit right now. I’ll be flat honest. Having to deal with someone’s else pain because they are incapable of stepping up and honoring their vows. Passing pain onto me and the boys and breaking up this family will never be forgiven just because someone’s done. I was done for over 5 years of being ignored and forgotten because triathlon came first. But I’m not selfish and can help the people I love achieve their goals because I love them and want nothing more than for them to have success. It just sucks that after they succeed, you get shit on and kick to the side of the road so yeah.

Mar 05, 2023 2:08:22 AM Me

I’ve been hurting for years. I just never spoke up because I didn’t want to be a distraction from people chasing their life’s dreams. It doubly hurts helping someone you love achieve something incredible only to not even be an afterthought, but rather collateral damage. It also hurts never being asked if everything was ok with me. There wa never curiosity or caring extended my way when I was not well.

Mar 05, 2023 5:16:05 AM Me

I’m thinking about suicide again it’s four in the morning

Mar 05, 2023 6:07:20 AM Me

It’s now five in the morning and I haven’t had one minute of sleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m really fucking scared.

Mar 05, 2023 6:10:27 AM Me

I did a stupid thing and got texting with Joanna tonight. We were just texting about all kinds of shit anyway I don’t think there was any harm done but she knows. I’m not happy.

Mar 05, 2023 6:10:47 AM Me

Ask me about it if we talk tomorrow and I can tell you and answer any questions

Mar 05, 2023 6:11:45 AM Me

Honestly, I don’t know why but my depression feels like it’s back.

Mar 05, 2023 6:12:17 AM Me

I am on a fair amount of medication for this, but it seems like it doesn’t matter to my brain because of what I’m experiencing right now.

Mar 05, 2023 6:13:07 AM Me

I just feel incredibly hurt and alone and I feel that way through a really long time and it hurts too much to feel it anymore

Mar 05, 2023 6:14:49 AM Me

I just don’t feel like living anymore. I don’t want to go through all of this I don’t want this I feel no future. All I see is black.

Mar 05, 2023 6:16:53 AM Me

i’m gonna try to go to sleep, and if I fall asleep, I actually am praying that I don’t wake up because I’m tired of this, tired of my life that is just getting worse for me.

Mar 05, 2023 6:17:09 AM Me

It’s never felt more hopeless in my life

Mar 05, 2023 6:18:44 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 57 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

I know it feels hopeless BUT it is not!

Mar 05, 2023 6:19:42 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 56 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Get some sleep and we will talk later today.

Mar 05, 2023 10:16:12 AM Me

I’m awake and have been for about 20 minutes

Mar 05, 2023 10:16:40 AM Me

Got a little under four hours of sleep, brilliant it’s gonna be a great day 😢

Mar 05, 2023 10:17:36 AM Me

The anger I feel, and rage is pretty large, I just feel so hard done by this. It doesn’t feel justified to me, it feels like a week cop out and passing your pain on to everybody else. The divorce isn’t going to make things better it’s gonna make things fucking worse.

Mar 05, 2023 10:20:22 AM Me

and I hear people saying to me. Oh, it will get easier over time, it will get better. That’s you, it ain’t me. I don’t soften overtime. I harden overtime. I could’ve asked for a divorce 78 years ago, but I didn’t. Even though I was hurting and being hurt, I sucked it up because it was my problem. So I guess I’m a bit pissed because I feel I put up with shit for years and now it’s someone else’s turn to put up with some shit, but they can’t even handle a little bit Without crying Uncle and wanting out.

Mar 05, 2023 10:22:13 AM Me

Like, if I imagine the future, we show up at one of the boys weddings I am going to give her the laser, death stare, the whole time I am near her. My eyes will be sending out a message of fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you Over and over and over again To me, the idea that I’m somehow going to be in a good mood, or in a not upset mood in the presence of her in the future is absolutely ludicrous and sorely mistaken

Mar 05, 2023 10:24:45 AM Me

What is happening here is nobody is listening to me. Everybody is telling me she made a decision and you have to honor it. What about my decision? What about what I want. I have every right to happiness that anybody else does and I don’t want a divorce I am being made to feel that my opinion doesn’t matter, I am being told that I don’t matter. I just worked on myself for two years and I know when I’m getting fucked over, and I am not gonna sit by quietly anymore I’m going to bark, I may even fucking bite. Nobody is going to tell me what the fuck to do, and if I don’t like some thing, I open my mouth now and honestly, I kind of don’t care about other peoples feelings because I care about mine more. I care about me more than anybody else. I just assumed to tell everybody else go fuck off.

Mar 05, 2023 10:25:14 AM Me

I’m done acquiescing to other people and that’s what people are going to find out

Mar 05, 2023 10:26:33 AM Me

She has gotten her way and everything she has ever wanted inside this relationship I relationship isn’t what she wants, so she wants out. The relationship wasn’t what I wanted for fucking years but I sucked it up and kept going. That was the stupidest thing I did.

Mar 05, 2023 10:27:30 AM Me

The other day, I thought somehow I was beyond feeling angry, and that I had been regressing in my acceptance of things but things people have been saying to me in the past 24,48 hours have only gotten me more angry. Everybody is on her side it seems and I just have to bend over and take it up the ass I guess.

Mar 05, 2023 10:29:33 AM Me

Last night and texting with Joanna she kept sharing her relationship with David. They were married and are now divorced, but she was saying how her and David are friends now, etc. And I honestly wanted to text back to Joanna. That’s great I’m happy for you, but Liz is not gonna be my friend. She’s rejecting me, so I’m gonna disappear off the face of the fucking earth from her. She will never hear from me again. I mean, why would I want to talk or be around a woman who basically told me she wants nothing to do with me. Yeah, I really think I’m going to be good friends with him for the rest of my life, fuck that and fuck you and fuck the boat you rode in on .

Mar 05, 2023 2:10:24 PM Me

Did some meditation I bought an eye massage machine that’s pretty good did that for 1015 minutes and then have a neck massager machine that I did for you about the same. Running errands right now into town and I will be back here probably by 230 3 o’clock my time if you are interested in talking later.

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Mar 05, 2023 9:22:30 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 48 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Long day - the girls are now in bed. How are you doing? You have had some good insights and new boundaries declared. Keep expressing your anger in writing and/or texting. Glad to hear you are taking care of you. What is you work schedule tomorrow or more appropriate when are you available for a call? I have availability between 10-11:30 or 1-3 mst.

Mar 06, 2023 8:11:59 AM Me

Hi, it was the worst weekend I’ve had since everything happened last July. I felt a huge amount of regression and going backwards. Twice I felt like depression and suicide was coming back. I’m not feeling that so much today just feeling defeated feeling like a loser and a failure. it’s gonna be hard to shake that field

Mar 06, 2023 8:12:18 AM Me

Feeling

Mar 06, 2023 8:15:53 AM Me

A bit of irony just popped into my head. I am feeling absolutely unheard in this process. Everybody keeps asking me if I hear Elizabeth, and I say yes. I keep getting asked well doesn’t she have the right to decide what she wants to do.? Of course she does, but to say you want a divorce without even talking about it, and that I just have to do what she wants, is exactly what I am complaining about for these past many years. Elizabeth always gets her way, and gets what she wants in this relationship. The one time she decides to let go of her power and control in this relationship, she’s unhappy with that decision and now wants to divorce because she’s unhappy with what she decided

Mar 06, 2023 8:16:53 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 50 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Be careful of the judgements. They are based in some beliefs which arr not serving you

Mar 06, 2023 8:17:09 AM Me

No one is hearing me say what about my decision, what about my opinion and what I want? Nobody seems to hear me and I just get discounted and feel like that is the case again like I’ve always had in this relationship except now I am fucking talking and speaking up and people don’t like it, Why is that? Why is everybody having such a hard time hearing me say what about me?

Mar 06, 2023 8:18:46 AM Me

For example, yesterday I was texting with Joanna and told her about the years of psychological and emotional abuse of Liz and rejection. She had to confirm with me three times over text that went on for years. It’s almost like she refused to believe that Liz could do it. She even went as far as she gave me this whole thing about how she’s known her for 40 years and that she’s kind, caring, etc. I said to Joanna and text. Yes she is those things, but she’s also this, what she has done to me. Joanna had a very hard time hearing that Elizabeth was capable of being that cruel.

Mar 06, 2023 8:18:48 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 48 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

You are not the person they know. They are treating you as the knew you to be.

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Mar 06, 2023 8:19:05 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 47 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Have to take Lilly to school- bbs

Mar 06, 2023 8:19:24 AM Me

I am going to ask for that from everyone. Suspend what you know about me because I am not that person anymore.

Mar 06, 2023 8:21:34 AM Me

It’s exactly the Pema Chodron quotation which I served up to Joanna twice yesterday , the understanding and story you cling to make it impossible to hear or understand anything new. And I have to say when you say that to someone, there’s a pause, and then there’s I think an understanding, and then a denial, all happening at the same time . I think the logic of that sentence takes a moment to syncing to people. And of course, when you’re challenging, someone’s truth, or what someone clings to believe is true, they are going to resist.

Mar 06, 2023 8:22:17 AM Me

I am getting screwed over by Elizabeth and this divorce. Everybody may not want to hear that, but that is how I feel.

Mar 06, 2023 8:27:17 AM Me

Also, I will share that Joanna replied by text and was very upset, and challenged by the idea that Elizabeth could be cruel. I replied to her and said that I am sorry you’re hearing this, but it is the truth, and it is been my lived reality for many years. People can think what they want, but if they doubt my claims, fuck them! Fuck them, and as far as I’m concerned there a ghost to me too

Mar 06, 2023 8:29:08 AM Me

Also, people think I’m being overdramatic may be saying you will never see, or hear from me again. The thing is think about how many friends I have, that I keep in touch with or talk to. A don’t really have super close friends, I have you and maybe one other person I could talk to. It’s very easy for me, to drop a connection with somebody and not reach out and not do anything and let it fall dead. I’ve done that in my entire life because I’ve never felt worthy of connection with other people because I’ve always felt less then. So I never follow up with people because why bother them with my insignificance. At least that’s the way I used to think .

Mar 06, 2023 8:31:00 AM Me

After I texted that to Joanna about her struggle to believe her friend, could be like that, she went silent didn’t text me anymore

Mar 06, 2023 8:31:56 AM Me

I mean I get it she may not want to pick sides. Call mom but she’s gonna have to. Honestly I think everybody who is connected to one of us is going to have to choose who they stay connected to. I think some people will feel awkward trying to maintain a connection to both of us.

Mar 06, 2023 8:35:23 AM Me

Also, I logged into one of those dating apps, that I had filled out some info on and put a profile picture in, I log back in, and I have 14 people that apparently liked my profile. I have no idea who these people are, of course, because this is when the app says hey you need to pay us money, so I didn’t not sure what I want to do. When I was looking at the pictures of people on there, there were some attractive and interesting sounding people, so yeah.

Mar 06, 2023 10:30:33 AM Me

Also, last night, I realized it’s very painful to go into my digital photo collection. There are a lot of photos of me and Liz looking happy together. It’s really painful to see those images right now. In someways, I just want to delete them, but I don’t know that’s just being over reactive.

Mar 06, 2023 11:06:56 AM +13038752587

Yes - don’t delete. When do you have a 15 m window

Mar 06, 2023 11:21:24 AM Me

In about 15-20

Mar 06, 2023 11:23:12 AM Me

I’ll be free until 1pm, then next meeting

Mar 06, 2023 12:40:45 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 13 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Calling

Mar 06, 2023 2:56:04 PM Me

Got this text from Joanna. I want to reply but also don’t want to appear defensive. I think what she’s seeing as me being “vindictive” is that I’m be assertive and clear, something no one, not even I am used to it yet. In any event, I would appreciate you reading this, and perhaps helping me with an objective perspective on a reply

Mar 06, 2023 2:56:08 PM Me

Bert, I'm going to step back bc I don't think I'm helping here. I'll say for the record that comments that seem intended to make me feel guilty don't sit well with me. They feel manipulative and unfair. I've done a great deal to support your marriage, starting with taking care of your wonderful kids pretty much every time Liz left town. I think if you weigh what I've done to support you and Liz against what you've done to support me and David, you'll find your comment unfounded, to say the least. But I know these comments are coming out of the hard time you're going through and likely aren't really you. I had a dad who tried to controll people through guilt, shame and anger (perhaps you did too?) and tried to keep people close to him that way. I've found it never works and only drives people further away...cauing more anguish and anger. It's a terrible cycle and I don't want to see you go down that road...a road that ultimately leads to resentment and (sometimes) vindictiveness. Bert, you're too good a person to go down that road. I have seen your kindness and warm heart, and all the work you've done in the past 2 years getting to a better place. You don't deserve to be resentful or ever become vindictive (that's a dark place). Your kids don't deserve seeing you in that place. And Liz doesn't deserve it either. I'm going to sign off (please don't think I'm ghosting you if I don't respond...I'm just trying to ensure I don't make things any harder than they already are). But please know I love you, I love Liz, I love your kids (I'm getting tears in my eyes as I write this...I know I don't tell any of you this often enough)...I love your whole family and want nothing but happiness and peace for all of you.

Mar 06, 2023 3:00:04 PM +13038752587

What comment or comments is she referring to

Mar 06, 2023 3:00:09 PM +13038752587

Can you talk

Mar 06, 2023 3:00:22 PM Me

Yeah

Mar 06, 2023 3:00:36 PM Me

I can send you the previous thing I sent that cause this reply

Mar 06, 2023 4:02:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

He’s exactly what I sent

Mar 06, 2023 4:02:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Jo, Thanks for communicating Thanks for being a friend I hear you, and no problem going quiet. A few last things need to be made clear, and please ask if you have any questions: - I am not looking to discount Liz's experience or her story at all - I understand I hurt her badly. - I know she continues to feel hurt. - I know my role in all of this hurt. - I'm trying to help us heal. - I've repeatedly expressed remorse, regret, and repentance to Elizabeth for causing this hurt. - I'm not trying to make anyone believe my story as, or take it as, the truth. - Different people have different experiences. All of the information I've heard about the reason for this divorce beyond Jul 3 has been secondhand. I'd like to fully understand how Elizabeth has gotten to divorce as the solution to this situation. And to improve our communications so we can co-parent well in the future. I appreciate you and respect you. Thank you for understanding. Bert

Mar 06, 2023 5:33:21 PM Me

This is great

Mar 06, 2023 5:33:26 PM Me

Mar 06, 2023 5:33:37 PM Me

Share that with Don

Mar 06, 2023 5:33:49 PM Me

😆

Mar 07, 2023 4:07:52 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 15 hours, 37 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

Here’s what I just emailed the therapist.

Mar 07, 2023 4:07:56 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 15 hours, 37 minutes, 16 seconds) Me

Let me know what you think

Mar 07, 2023 4:07:58 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 15 hours, 37 minutes, 14 seconds) Me

Hi Laurie, I hope this email finds you well. Tomorrow I would like to work on communication again. I hope Elizabeth can let down her guard or drop the wall she's holding up between us. Besides our sessions, she honestly will not talk to me and cannot look me in the eye.I've told you about the ghosting. When I was the old Bert, I constantly put up with this treatment—the feeling of being ignored or forgotten. It would go on for long periods, and I repeatedly could not speak up to her in those times to say, "hey, hi, hello, it's me, Bert, your husband. Let's talk." Part of my hangup back then about not speaking up to her came from 2 places.My unconscious patterned behavior since childhood of minimizing myself and what I need—I'm not worthy of such consideration.I did not want to give my wife the impression that I was a whiney crybaby, always begging for attention. After all, she's a multi-time Ironman who has been to Kona—a top-level amateur—and the idea that I will complain to her about that? C'mon suck it up, sunshine (the asshat voice in my head).That's what stopped me from speaking up. But now I will not stand for being ghosted like that to my face. No one deserves that. I've woken up from the experience of the nearly past two years of having my life on hold. I've learned to speak up, and honestly, I think some parties now take that as I am "outraged and being confrontational." No, I'm just not putting up with being mistreated any longer. I need to be treated respectfully as a human, that's all. Do unto others as they do unto you. Once I can communicate with her, things will move forward. I am looking forward to tomorrow.Let me know if you have any questions or feedback. -- Bert Mahoneybert.mahoney@gmail.com805-798-3430

Mar 08, 2023 8:49:02 PM Me

We just got done with the Wednesday session. It was probably the most balanced and calm session we’ve had and elizabeth was able to do a good deal of speaking and I listen to her and I didn’t interrupt her. I heard her clearly and it hurt me badly. Everything she talked about was the problem was during the most depressing time. Time when I was so deeply depressed and could not make good decisions or behave properly, or get myself help. So much of that is not me yet it’s the reason why she’s divorcing me. Basing it on my illness. I feel so abandoned.

Mar 09, 2023 7:55:07 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

I have signal for a moment. What you sent the therapist was good. Glad you were able to listen and Liz communicated. You are gaining understanding. What is the next thing you need to understand? What questions do you still have to ask? Keep the faith. One step at a time. 😍

Mar 09, 2023 8:46:40 AM Me

I woke up with tears coming out of my eyes. I didn’t know that you could cry in your sleep. My question for her is how do we go from the relationship? I think is fine, to divorce with nothing in between? I won’t lie I’m really struggling super hard. I thought about checking out . Only because this hurts too much and considering my unwavering commitment to her. And my unconditional love that still stands. Despite all the rejection over all those years, I still want to be with her. I just don’t understand why she can be so selfish.

Mar 09, 2023 8:47:27 AM Me

In some sense it’s not very surprising, she’s been controlling and withholding affection from me for years.

Mar 09, 2023 8:47:51 AM Me

All of this is to say that, I’ve been getting notifications from the dating apps. People, or women are apparently interested in me. If I pay money, then I can see who they are. My question to you is should I pursue that right now? Why all this is going on? Or wait, since it’s my private life I don’t need to share it unless I want to. Does that seem right? And she wants nothing to do with me why would she care if I was dating someone . Please let me know what you think about that. Should I be opaque or transparent about it?

Mar 09, 2023 5:20:08 PM (Read by you after 53 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Wait.

Mar 09, 2023 8:49:04 AM Me

I feel like I should be opaque, and not tell anybody what I’m doing. Just live my own private life. On the flipside, if I was transparent about it, I’m not sure if it will create issues.

Mar 09, 2023 8:49:51 AM Me

Anyway, I’ve been waiting around for two years to try to reconcile with elizabeth and she doesn’t want me after all these decades, and having kids together. I feel like I should go dating and find somebody who will give a shit about me.

Mar 09, 2023 8:50:14 AM Me

I just feel like I wake up, confused, angry and bitter every day until I can call myself down

Mar 09, 2023 1:39:51 PM Me

Mar 09, 2023 1:52:53 PM Me

I am strongly feeling as though I have no say in my life right now

Mar 09, 2023 2:52:55 PM Me

Mar 09, 2023 2:53:16 PM Me

I have 4 or five likes

Mar 09, 2023 2:53:22 PM Me

OMG 😳

Mar 09, 2023 2:53:40 PM Me

bumble is an app where women make the first move

Mar 09, 2023 5:20:08 PM (Read by you after 53 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Wait.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 09, 2023 5:21:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Mar 09, 2023 5:21:40 PM +13038752587

Totally understand what you are saying. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. Let’s plan a talk in the afternoon. What’s your work schedule?

Mar 09, 2023 5:21:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You must be sensing something swami

Mar 09, 2023 5:22:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have one meeting at 9am and other than that its push hard on work.

Mar 09, 2023 5:23:30 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - ill text you when I get home around 3 PST

Mar 09, 2023 5:24:31 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sounds good. We had a bit of a “crisis” at work today created by the sales department that is causing a huge pivot for our department to jump in and help fix things.

Mar 09, 2023 5:24:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

People are somewhat freaking out

Mar 09, 2023 5:24:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m having lots of FUN

Mar 09, 2023 5:24:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I LOVE a good pivot

Mar 09, 2023 5:24:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hahaha

Mar 09, 2023 5:25:18 PM Me

I made my colleague laugh hard today at that one

Mar 09, 2023 5:25:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

He was checking in with me to see if I was cool with it

Mar 09, 2023 5:26:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can give you a heads-up on last night’s session as well.

Mar 09, 2023 5:27:25 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Continental Divide 12000 ft. Peak closest to my helmet is a 14 er called Holy Cross

Mar 09, 2023 5:27:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

WOW

Mar 09, 2023 5:27:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sweet

Mar 09, 2023 5:28:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you look frosty

Mar 09, 2023 5:28:22 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And lucky you. I haven’t gone and done anything fun like that in forever.

Mar 09, 2023 5:28:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I did go to Kona which was great, but I had the specter of my relationship blanketing every experience.

Mar 09, 2023 5:29:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

If only….

Mar 09, 2023 5:29:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The dream I had about that had come true

Mar 09, 2023 5:29:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m crying typing this. Ugh

Mar 09, 2023 5:29:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, looking forward

Mar 09, 2023 5:29:33 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Talk tomorrow

Mar 09, 2023 5:32:53 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful Day - probably 25 - 30. Which is warm at that elevation and no wind 😀

Mar 09, 2023 5:32:54 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Lots of love my friend. Ohh sending you a page from Greenlights book

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Mar 09, 2023 5:33:36 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 09, 2023 5:34:41 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 09, 2023 5:34:41 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Read the page- I think you will like it.

Mar 09, 2023 11:32:40 PM (Read by them after 13 hours, 40 minutes, 53 seconds) Me

I’m not sure I understand it.

Mar 09, 2023 11:39:53 PM (Read by them after 13 hours, 33 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

I’ve had a long day. Been very sad and depressed. I caught lies of depression showing up today. I feel as if I’m distracted by work, but when that is over, I fall backward into a sad hole and can’t do much with myself. Lacking motivation. I found the dart league and got excited, but I haven’t gone. That was 3 weeks ago. I don’t have much interest in anything right now, save working and thinking about life and wavering in a cycle of sadness and depression. It’s been more than 2 years now that I have been sad and depressed. I had a MAJOR episode during covid. I’ve been on a solid combo of meds, which has helped. However, I’m struggling. I actually contemplated calling 988 tonight. Also, if Id had access to a handheld firearm, you probably wouldn’t be reading this text. For some reason that came into my mind tonight, the idea of suicide. I have faced it head on twice.

Mar 09, 2023 11:48:20 PM (Read by them after 13 hours, 25 minutes, 13 seconds) Me

And both times I wanted the pain and suffering to stop I wanted it all to end so the pain would end. I then realized I would just be passing my pain onto my family. Now I’m facing divorce and I have no control over the hurt hitting my boys having their family broken up. Thinking of their pain, and my own is truly unbearable for me. After this truly goes through I’m not sure I can go on. I’m closer to the real deep pain of this than I ever have been after yesterday. And now that everyone is feeling pain, passing pain on isn’t as traumatic. Difficult to be traumatized when you’re already there. I really feel done, defeated, and tired. I’m off to bed. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the universe will take on me So when I die before I wake

Mar 09, 2023 11:48:38 PM (Read by them after 13 hours, 24 minutes, 55 seconds) Me

I pray the universe my soul to take.

Mar 09, 2023 11:49:22 PM (Read by them after 13 hours, 24 minutes, 11 seconds) Me

Peace out

Mar 10, 2023 9:26:53 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Hey - just got back and had a family dinner with meme.

Mar 10, 2023 9:36:36 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

I have some insights to talk over with you. What does your day look like tomorrow?

Mar 10, 2023 9:37:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi, I have a counseling session at 9:15 am tomorrow

Mar 10, 2023 9:37:10 PM Me

Free after that

Mar 10, 2023 9:37:32 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - text me when your done with your session

Mar 10, 2023 9:37:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Mar 10, 2023 9:37:45 PM Me

Good night

Mar 10, 2023 9:38:06 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 25 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

😴

Mar 10, 2023 9:44:36 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 18 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Always text me if you need to get the energy out. Call me too if you need an ear? Anytime! And definitely call the help line if you feel the need. Don’t believe the lies of depression. You are loved 🥰 You matter & You are worth it.

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Mar 11, 2023 1:16:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Great session today. My therapist really ‘gets’ where I’m coming from. Next session she, Laurie, wants to know what “all the ‘things’ over the years is.” As do I. Laurie is seeing the logic the way I see it now. Took me a while with her. I guess I’m better at helping people “get” tech. Anyhow, great session.

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Mar 11, 2023 1:18:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And look at the poem I found on Instagram… I shared it with Liz and said, “This spoke to me the instant I saw it. Mary Oliver too”

Mar 11, 2023 1:18:30 PM Me

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift. “The Uses of Sorrow” by Mary Oliver

Mar 11, 2023 1:19:12 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Mar 11, 2023 1:27:45 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 8 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

At 4h carnival with the girls

Mar 11, 2023 8:09:08 PM Me

Reddit

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Mar 12, 2023 2:13:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Knew you would like that.

Mar 12, 2023 7:00:37 PM Me

Mar 12, 2023 9:24:06 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful

Mar 13, 2023 8:57:54 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 17 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Checking in - how ya doin?

Mar 14, 2023 10:16:29 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 1 second) Me

So so. I find myself swept up into emotions at least once a day. It no longer an all day thing. That said, it’s still intense. I still love my wife, but feel stuck.

Mar 14, 2023 10:19:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

A woman on one of the applications sent me a note. I haven’t clicked on it, but I can see the first few words. She’s in Ventura, very close. I want to do something on St Patricks Day and I am very tempted to click and see if she wants to connect on Friday. I would just meet her. No intention of anything other than meeting a new person. I’m feeling stuck between doing nothing and clicking on her message.

Mar 14, 2023 10:22:04 AM Me

Your perspective would be welcome on this.

Mar 14, 2023 3:50:01 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I wanted to address this directly. I believe it is not the right time. It is best to keep you attention on your “marriage”. Anything else would be a distraction and it is also moving you away from what you said you want.

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Mar 14, 2023 12:01:07 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

I have one question 🙋‍♂️

Mar 14, 2023 12:02:01 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Is your ultimate goal to reconcile with Liz and build a newer better relationship?

Mar 14, 2023 12:17:27 PM (Read by them after 22 minutes, 57 seconds) Me

Right now it is. However I face Elizabeth’s “I’m DONE” stance with a hard stare in the eyes when she says that. I’m unsure that will ever be overcome by me. That’s work she needs to do on herself. I also know 2 other things. She is incredibly stubborn. She will hold out to save face — meaning even if in her heart she feels like reconciling she won’t. It would admit weakness and fault — Neither of which she will entertain because, stubborn.

Mar 14, 2023 12:18:12 PM (Read by them after 22 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

Again... The understanding you hold as truth stands in the way of learning anything new”

Mar 14, 2023 12:51:30 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Re read what you just wrote to me about Liz to yourself

Mar 14, 2023 12:52:10 PM +13038752587

Then read “the understanding…

Mar 14, 2023 12:52:30 PM Me

Yes, did

Mar 14, 2023 12:52:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

A stubborn hold on things

Mar 14, 2023 12:53:03 PM Me

Holding on to the past. Holding on to the suffering.

Mar 14, 2023 12:54:11 PM Me

She falsely believes that divorcing me will solve her problems, but it won’t. It will make them starker.

Mar 14, 2023 12:55:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The problems she has with me are things and stories she’s holding on to. Stories about the mentally ill Bert mostly during Covid.

Mar 14, 2023 12:55:26 PM Me

She doesn’t see possibility

Mar 14, 2023 12:55:45 PM Me

Like I’ve summarized before

Mar 14, 2023 12:56:00 PM Me

She’s done, no options. I’m done, many options.

Mar 14, 2023 12:58:38 PM +13038752587

My arm chair counseling She needs to forgive herself first before she can let go of the stories attached to the past two years. Then she can begin to forgive you.

Mar 14, 2023 12:59:00 PM Me

We both believe we have legit reasons for leaving. However, I want to TRY changing how we interact and relate. Let's start there because there is no relationship between us right now. She does Liz like she has for years with little to no consideration towards me.

Mar 14, 2023 1:03:35 PM +13038752587

In your best guess? How many years have you felt like there has been no relationship? That Liz does what she does without consideration towards you?

Mar 14, 2023 1:06:24 PM Me

Late 2018 into 2019 when my depression started in hard. Then covid made everything worse and more amplified.

Mar 14, 2023 1:06:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Felt more isolated and ignored, and forgotten over time

Mar 14, 2023 1:07:15 PM Me

Buts that’s all on me being able to express that to her (for a wide variety of reasons I am very clear on now)

Mar 14, 2023 1:07:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

As I’ve expressed independently to Laurie, our counselor. Elizabeth cannot look me in the eye and speak and treat me like any other human and wants to divorce me with the IDEA that after a divorce, she’ll feel like she can interact with me. That is how I am reading Elizabeth’s approach. I’ve been emphatically clear with both Elizabeth and Laurie, in group, and both independently, if that is how I will be treated then when the divorce is over you don’t deserve my attention or conversation. You just rejected me and kicked me out of a 30 years relationship without showing any sign of consideration and now I’m supposed to treat her like a regular human after the treatment I’ve received? No thank you. That will take a long time, if ever, to heal.

Mar 14, 2023 1:08:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling very “hard done” by that experience

Mar 14, 2023 1:08:40 PM Me

And I’m in the middle of that feeling now. I contend with it daily.

Mar 14, 2023 1:10:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m open-minded to any criticism on my perspective and viewpoint because I’m blinded by it.

Mar 14, 2023 1:10:52 PM Me

As Madge used to say “You’re soaking in it!”

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Mar 14, 2023 1:11:00 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

I’m going to retype something with a bit of a twist

Mar 14, 2023 1:11:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Glas you got that

Mar 14, 2023 1:12:15 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

In your best guess? How many years has Liz felt like there has been no relationship? That Bert does what he does without consideration towards Liz?

Mar 14, 2023 1:12:50 PM Me

That is a great question. I should ask her in session.

Mar 14, 2023 1:13:01 PM Me

If given the opportunity tomorrow

Mar 14, 2023 1:13:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Laurie told me she would like to focus on “all the things before Covid” that Liz references when saying she wants a divorce. Laurie would like to understand what those “things” are, as would I.

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Mar 14, 2023 1:16:11 PM Me

Also noted is that Laurie did not catch Liz when she said she “decided at that moment to allow it to go on. And took notes when I mentioned that. I quickly riddled off the logic that if you decide to allow, you are in essence giving. Logically how can one be taking anything when a decision was made by the other to allow it?

Mar 14, 2023 1:17:02 PM Me

I paused and saw her tip her head and reflect on my logic… then took some notes of which I know not what they are.

Mar 14, 2023 1:18:05 PM Me

I’m curious if Laurie goes digging around on Liz and makes her talk through things it may expose some things I am clueless about. Meaning she has reasons I don’t even know.

Mar 14, 2023 1:21:04 PM +13038752587

When is the next session

Mar 14, 2023 1:21:35 PM ⇲ Me

tomorrow evening

Mar 14, 2023 1:21:40 PM ⇲ Me

Wed 7pm

Mar 14, 2023 1:21:56 PM ⇲ Me

Grab your popcorn

Mar 14, 2023 1:21:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I also discovered that Liz stopped seeing the therapist she took me to a couple times before I headed your way. I did not probe further to ask if she saw anyone after that. I know, for sure, she spoke to her friend Barb who fancies herself a therapist. My suspicion based on a weird hunch is that over time Liz has been talking to Barb and convinced her this is the way. Remember there was no talk of divorce after the event. Liz took ME to counseling with her a few times. At that time I was still deeply depressed but also suddenly WIDE AWAKE after that experience. Divorce did not enter the picture until sometime last year in the spring while I was in NY

Mar 14, 2023 1:26:16 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Stop tip toeing around questions for Liz and stop creating stories. Ask directly about if she continues to see a counselor. Also I would not insinuate Barb led Liz to choose divorce. I think as you read this last line, you realize that Liz seldom lets someone lead her.

Mar 14, 2023 1:21:35 PM ⇱ Me

tomorrow evening
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 14, 2023 1:21:40 PM ⇱ Me

Wed 7pm
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 14, 2023 1:21:56 PM ⇱ Me

Grab your popcorn
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 14, 2023 1:23:13 PM +13038752587

Let Laurie get her answers from Liz and you can sit on mute and gaan more understanding of her point of view

Mar 14, 2023 1:23:32 PM Me

That’s the plan I was planning on 😊

Mar 14, 2023 1:25:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been very clear. I want my marriage to continue but we need to start over. Otherwise, I will find the love I want with someone else.

Mar 14, 2023 1:25:21 PM Me

That’s me in a nutshell right now

Mar 14, 2023 1:25:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If Laurie can help us talk through all this, who knows? Right?

Mar 14, 2023 1:26:16 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Stop tip toeing around questions for Liz and stop creating stories. Ask directly about if she continues to see a counselor. Also I would not insinuate Barb led Liz to choose divorce. I think as you read this last line, you realize that Liz seldom lets someone lead her.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 14, 2023 1:27:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think you’re right. She does think for herself.

Mar 14, 2023 1:27:59 PM Me

I’ll have Laurie ask her if she’s been seeing someone for counseling. Its in context for her in unpacking Liz’s stuff

Mar 14, 2023 1:29:05 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Back to the page from the book I sent. The point is the argue not to be right or prove the other wrong but to gain a better understanding

Mar 14, 2023 1:29:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Right

Mar 14, 2023 1:30:39 PM Me

understood. And that’s what I want because I am still confused as to the reasoning. We went from “things are fine” to divorce in what feels like less than a second — with only the counseling with Laurie as the only serious work we’ve EVER done with the exception of pre-marriage work with the pastor.

Mar 14, 2023 1:31:13 PM Me

It feels like we jumped MANY steps to get to where she is

Mar 14, 2023 1:31:29 PM Me

Anyhow, need to get some work done

Mar 14, 2023 1:32:14 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Me too

Mar 14, 2023 1:32:27 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I’m here if you need and ear I

Mar 14, 2023 1:32:42 PM Me

Ok, thanks

Mar 14, 2023 3:50:01 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I wanted to address this directly. I believe it is not the right time. It is best to keep you attention on your “marriage”. Anything else would be a distraction and it is also moving you away from what you said you want.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 14, 2023 11:22:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

So good

Mar 14, 2023 11:22:10 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Mar 14, 2023 11:22:26 PM Me

Just found this channel and LOVE IT

Mar 14, 2023 11:22:38 PM Me

Why Files?

Mar 15, 2023 8:51:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey, just got out of my session with the counselor and Liz. Very disheartened and feeling dead inside. Was a hard session for me. Liz said some things that really hurt. She is never coming back. I can tell and feel it.

Mar 15, 2023 8:52:00 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I just cannot believe this is happening to me

Mar 15, 2023 8:53:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

These are the moments that I want to check out. The pain, heartbreak, and devastation mentally are excruciating. For me, it’s more intense than the dark depression and equally sad and down.

Mar 15, 2023 8:53:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I do want to reconcile but she is absolutely unwilling to budge at all.

Mar 15, 2023 8:54:31 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

She shared that she’s living at Joanna’s because she feels safer. She said I won’t attack her if she’s not here. She feels emotionally attacked by me.

Mar 15, 2023 8:54:37 PM Me

That’s nice

Mar 15, 2023 8:55:11 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I was emotionally fucking ignored for years so I have a reason to be pissed.

Mar 15, 2023 8:55:41 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Tonight we mainly focused on when can I move out?

Mar 15, 2023 8:56:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m feeling like I want to reply to that woman on bumble.

Mar 15, 2023 8:56:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know I would be happier talking to someone who ISN’T MAKING ME OUT TO BE SOMETHING I’M NOT. NO IDEA WHO PLANTED THE IDEA that I’m bad in her head.

Mar 15, 2023 8:58:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, I think I want to move on now. And honestly I don’t think I’ll show her much respect going forward. Other than birthing my children WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO TALK WITH HER OR BE AROUND HER. SHE’S DIVORCING ME. IF I HAVE TO LIVE WITH HER DECISION TO DIVORCE ME

Mar 15, 2023 8:58:28 PM Me

SHE’S LIVING WITH THE CONSEQUENCES

Mar 15, 2023 8:58:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Which I wonder if she’s even thought about.

Mar 15, 2023 9:00:13 PM Me

Like how will she like me bringing a new girlfriend onto campus when I come visit Darragh or coach his soccer games? How about taking the boys out to dinner with the girlfriend?

Mar 15, 2023 9:01:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Or bringing the girlfriend to Thanksgiving or Family Christmas? SHE WANTED THE DIVORCE, LIVE WITH YOUR DECISION SWEETHEART.

Mar 15, 2023 9:02:01 PM Me

I’M REALLY REALLY ANGRY BUT NOT SHURE AT WHAT or at who

Mar 15, 2023 9:02:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m just incredibly highly emotionally charged right now.

Mar 15, 2023 9:03:05 PM +13038752587

That’s ok - keep texting it out

Mar 15, 2023 9:03:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This still makes no sense to me. I know someone HAD to influence her to get to this state of mind

Mar 15, 2023 9:03:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow

Mar 15, 2023 9:03:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

None of it matters

Mar 15, 2023 9:04:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Can’t wait to bring up splitting her retirement money as we’re going through the list of things that need to happen. Bet she hasn’t thought about that.

Mar 15, 2023 9:04:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dude, she’s sticking it to me

Mar 15, 2023 9:04:32 PM Me

I shall do the same

Mar 15, 2023 9:04:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do unto others as they do unto you

Mar 15, 2023 9:04:47 PM Me

Its what Jesus taught me

Mar 15, 2023 9:04:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Blame him

Mar 15, 2023 9:05:56 PM Me

I’m going to do what is asked, but I am going to be an UNBENDING RIGID MOTHER FUCKER in my relations with her FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Mar 15, 2023 9:06:41 PM Me

ONE THING PEOPLE LEARN ABOUT A TARUS. ONCE YOU REALLY FUCK US OVER, YOU ARE DEAD TO US.

Mar 15, 2023 9:06:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

WE CAN BE THE MOST STUBBORN OF MOTHERFUCKERS

Mar 15, 2023 9:07:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, done ranting

Mar 15, 2023 9:07:31 PM Me

I can never get anything done after these sessions

Mar 15, 2023 9:07:38 PM Me

Mind is frazzled

Mar 15, 2023 9:07:55 PM +13038752587

That’s understandable

Mar 15, 2023 9:08:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I can’t shake the feeling of being hard done and fucked over in this situation

Mar 15, 2023 9:08:20 PM Me

ZERO talk of any reconciliation

Mar 15, 2023 9:08:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just “how quick can you move on”

Mar 15, 2023 9:08:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Liz believes that I will not move out

Mar 15, 2023 9:08:52 PM Me

She said that tonight in session

Mar 15, 2023 9:09:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s what’s freaking her out. As she said my work is up there, everything is up there.

Mar 15, 2023 9:09:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I then reminded her that SHE DECIDED TO MOVE TO JOANNAS.

Mar 15, 2023 9:09:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

However, it turns out its my behavior towards Liz that made her go.

Mar 15, 2023 9:10:19 PM Me

She said “I feel safer, more comfortable, like I can breathe and not feel like I am going to be attacked.”

Mar 15, 2023 9:10:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Those are her words verbatim

Mar 15, 2023 9:10:35 PM +13038752587

Confused

Mar 15, 2023 9:10:39 PM Me

I can’t work with that

Mar 15, 2023 9:10:51 PM +13038752587

What behaviors of yours?

Mar 15, 2023 9:11:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

First few sessions I was really triggered emotionally

Mar 15, 2023 9:11:13 PM +13038752587

How have you been “attacking” her

Mar 15, 2023 9:11:17 PM Me

I tried to go talk with her upstairs after session

Mar 15, 2023 9:11:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We got into arguments

Mar 15, 2023 9:11:33 PM Me

That’s what being attacked is to her

Mar 15, 2023 9:12:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She doesn’t like being confronted with facts when I have my voice raised, being emotional and emphatic

Mar 15, 2023 9:12:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She can’t deal with my emotions

Mar 15, 2023 9:12:19 PM Me

Or is unwilling

Mar 15, 2023 9:12:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m at the point where I don’t care, I want to be happy.

Mar 15, 2023 9:12:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She isn’t going to do that

Mar 15, 2023 9:12:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She makes me feel awful

Mar 15, 2023 9:13:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She makes me feel like a scumbag rapist asshole

Mar 15, 2023 9:13:33 PM Me

She makes me feel like an asshole husband who beats his wife and kids

Mar 15, 2023 9:13:50 PM Me

She makes me feel like a failure and loser

Mar 15, 2023 9:13:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She makes me feel less than

Mar 15, 2023 9:14:07 PM +13038752587

Have you been confrontational in the past - prior to 2019. I’m mean stood your ground about something that matter to you?

Mar 15, 2023 9:14:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No

Mar 15, 2023 9:14:25 PM Me

Really never in our relationship

Mar 15, 2023 9:14:39 PM Me

I always ducked when I felt it was getting too hot

Mar 15, 2023 9:14:43 PM +13038752587

Ah, so you are acting differently than ever

Mar 15, 2023 9:15:21 PM ⇲ Me

Yes, I’m not the same. I can see she is freaked out by me from the look in her eyes.

Mar 15, 2023 9:14:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We never learned how to talk through disagreements

Mar 15, 2023 9:15:21 PM ⇱ Me

Yes, I’m not the same. I can see she is freaked out by me from the look in her eyes.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 9:15:42 PM Me

Tonight I didnt lose my cool.

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Mar 15, 2023 9:15:48 PM +13038752587

And do you see how that makes sense from her point of view

Mar 15, 2023 9:16:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I think so. But why does she see me as such a threat? Like I’m looking to hurt her

Mar 15, 2023 9:16:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Was teary emotional when sharing I feel heartbroken and devastated as to where I;’n at

Mar 15, 2023 9:16:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I think so. But why does she see me as such a threat? Like I’m looking to hurt her
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 9:17:01 PM Me

Just so fucking angry because none of this should be happening

Mar 15, 2023 9:17:14 PM Me

Makes me cry every time I think about that or write it

Mar 15, 2023 9:17:42 PM Me

Counselor asked me if July 3rd hadn’t happened would we still be moving along in our relationship.

Mar 15, 2023 9:19:19 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Did she ask Liz this too?

Mar 15, 2023 9:17:52 PM Me

I replied yes, but I would have got us into counseling

Mar 15, 2023 9:18:29 PM Me

Liz is unwilling to put in the work to heal the relationship in any form — that’s what I’m experiencing.

Mar 15, 2023 9:18:55 PM Me

And I honestly don’t know who she is anymore because the woman I married wouldn’t be doing this.

Mar 15, 2023 9:19:17 PM Me

There is something incredibly selfish at the bottom of this for her

Mar 15, 2023 9:19:19 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Did she ask Liz this too?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 9:19:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not that I know of, would be a good one

Mar 15, 2023 9:20:20 PM Me

One this is incredibly clear. She is working REALLY HARD at making sure I understand that SHES DONE

Mar 15, 2023 9:20:36 PM Me

I feel like texting her and saying, “relax, I get the message”

Mar 15, 2023 9:21:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok. Taking a break away from the machine.

Mar 15, 2023 9:21:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m hurting big time.

Mar 15, 2023 9:21:29 PM +13038752587

I understand

Mar 15, 2023 9:21:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But I also know if I go after it, I can find happiness out there somewhere

Mar 15, 2023 9:21:59 PM +13038752587

Of course

Mar 15, 2023 9:22:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What would be sweet is to find happiness and be SO FUCKING HAPPY that it annoys the everlasting SHIT out of Liz

Mar 15, 2023 9:23:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Every time we were to see each other at a family affair I’ll be living the BEST LIFE, and be happy to talk about it with everyone. Tell them all about the INCREDIBLE SEX I’m having now. I never knew what it was like until now.

Mar 15, 2023 9:24:08 PM Me

If I have to live with this decision, so will she

Mar 15, 2023 9:24:33 PM Me

And I will remind her every chance I get

Mar 15, 2023 9:24:36 PM Me

Oh get this.

Mar 15, 2023 9:24:46 PM Me

We were talking about me paying down the debt

Mar 15, 2023 9:25:27 PM Me

Liz brought up that she’s concerned about me buying a new truck because that’s going to slow me down from paying the debt. In other words, hurry the fuck up and get away from me.

Mar 15, 2023 9:25:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I couldn’t believe she was like that

Mar 15, 2023 9:25:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Really fucking petty

Mar 15, 2023 9:27:40 PM Me

\That was the other takeaway from tonight, apparently I haven’t given Liz enough time and space. I was GONE for 4 fucking months and didnt contact her at all. But yeah, I didnt give enough

Mar 15, 2023 9:28:11 PM +13038752587

Time and space for what

Mar 15, 2023 9:28:34 PM Me

to feel safer?

Mar 15, 2023 9:28:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not sure

Mar 15, 2023 9:28:54 PM Me

That’s why this whole thing is a cluster fuck

Mar 15, 2023 9:29:05 PM Me

I’m getting a divorce for half assed reasoning

Mar 15, 2023 9:29:41 PM Me

Until I understand the real reason why, I plan to be an unpleasant asshat

Mar 15, 2023 9:30:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe then she’ll appreciate when she had a docile compliant man who didnt complain about her selfishness

Mar 15, 2023 9:32:58 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Take a breathe. Meditate and find the quiet space and spend some time allowing your mind to rest.

Mar 15, 2023 9:33:13 PM Me

I want to send her this.

Mar 15, 2023 9:33:16 PM Me

I want to ask that if you have a problem with me or what I’m doing, talk to me about it. Don’t harbor it and be upset. If you don’t communicate I can’t know what you’re thinking.

Mar 15, 2023 9:33:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel like she’s sitting on all these things that are annoying her and I have no idea what they are.

Mar 15, 2023 9:33:54 PM +13038752587

I would refrain from communicating with her tonight

Mar 15, 2023 9:33:57 PM Me

Simply because she doesn’t talk to me

Mar 15, 2023 9:34:02 PM Me

Ok

Mar 15, 2023 9:34:24 PM +13038752587

That is a good suggestion though.

Mar 15, 2023 9:35:02 PM Me

And when people ask me why I’m being such an asshole in the future, I’ll say, “as Liz, this wasn’t my decision I was forced into it.”

Mar 15, 2023 9:35:12 PM Me

I am being forced to divorce her

Mar 15, 2023 9:35:15 PM Me

That’s how I feel

Mar 15, 2023 9:35:45 PM Me

And I will gladly continue my assholeness in perpetuity.

Mar 15, 2023 9:37:25 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I understand how you feel , however that would not serve you

Mar 15, 2023 9:36:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Seriously tho

Mar 15, 2023 9:36:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I will never have another Christmas with my family

Mar 15, 2023 9:36:31 PM Me

HOW FUCKING SAD IS THAT

Mar 15, 2023 9:36:44 PM Me

CANT BREATHE

Mar 15, 2023 9:36:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hurst so musch

Mar 15, 2023 9:37:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Monments like this is when I just want to be dead already

Mar 15, 2023 9:37:25 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I understand how you feel , however that would not serve you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 9:37:52 PM +13038752587

Stop projecting negatively into the future

Mar 15, 2023 9:38:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Being nice isn’t going to serve me. Besides after the divorce treatment no one is getting a pass

Mar 15, 2023 9:38:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I can be as angry about it as I want

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Mar 15, 2023 9:38:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

She can do what she wants, SO THE FUCK CNA I

Mar 15, 2023 9:38:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

CAN I

Mar 15, 2023 9:38:52 PM +13038752587

Yes you can

Mar 15, 2023 9:39:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Why the fuck can she focus on the past, but I can’t

Mar 15, 2023 9:39:25 PM +13038752587

Because you have learned that that keeps you in the past

Mar 15, 2023 9:39:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So if I can do what I want why can’t I be a dick?

Mar 15, 2023 9:39:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ive been treated like shit, and I am being treated like shit now

Mar 15, 2023 9:39:43 PM +13038752587

And life is ahead of us not behind us

Mar 15, 2023 9:40:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would actually like to know why she ignored me all that time

Mar 15, 2023 9:40:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What did I do to desever that?

Mar 15, 2023 9:40:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s when I was a good husband

Mar 15, 2023 9:40:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And she thought everything was great

Mar 15, 2023 9:40:50 PM +13038752587

I have a question for you - what if it had nothing to do with you?

Mar 15, 2023 9:40:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Because she was living the life she wanted

Mar 15, 2023 9:40:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And I was getting the shaft

Mar 15, 2023 9:41:00 PM +13038752587

What if it was not intentional

Mar 15, 2023 9:41:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What wasn’t intentional?

Mar 15, 2023 9:41:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the ignorance?

Mar 15, 2023 9:41:36 PM +13038752587

Her ignoring you

Mar 15, 2023 9:42:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

It probably wasn’t. But when I brought it up with her, she looked sad and said, “sorry” and that was about it

Mar 15, 2023 9:42:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Behaviour didnt change

Mar 15, 2023 9:43:02 PM Me

I did bring it up when I was in one of my sad crying fits

Mar 15, 2023 9:43:18 PM Me

I told her to her face that I felt ignored.

Mar 15, 2023 9:43:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I got sorry

Mar 15, 2023 9:43:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No hug, no anything else

Mar 15, 2023 9:44:57 PM Me

I waver between wanting to just get on with it and start dating and move on, and wanting to be dead because I don’t want to start my life over and I don’t want this life I’m being forced to take on

Mar 15, 2023 9:45:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m mean if Liz can decide to divorce me, I should be able to decide to die.

Mar 15, 2023 9:45:40 PM Me

My choice, fuck everyone else

Mar 15, 2023 9:45:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s how she’s operating right now

Mar 15, 2023 9:46:08 PM +13038752587

And you don’t like how she is acting?

Mar 15, 2023 9:46:18 PM +13038752587

Operating?

Mar 15, 2023 9:46:33 PM Me

Back then or now

Mar 15, 2023 9:46:37 PM Me

Or both

Mar 15, 2023 9:46:40 PM +13038752587

Now

Mar 15, 2023 9:46:51 PM Me

No

Mar 15, 2023 9:47:04 PM Me

she acts like a stranger towards me

Mar 15, 2023 9:47:19 PM Me

I don’t know her anymore

Mar 15, 2023 9:47:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She hasn’t really shared or spoken with me in over THREE years

Mar 15, 2023 9:48:01 PM Me

At least a year of avoiding me HARD before Jul 3rd

Mar 15, 2023 9:48:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s what I mean when I say I feel done. I’ve been “separated” from Liz for almost 3 years.

Mar 15, 2023 9:48:58 PM Me

She’s turned into a person who is more concerned with herself than EVER before

Mar 15, 2023 9:49:13 PM Me

And before she was already totally focused on her

Mar 15, 2023 9:49:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There is nothing I can do or say to change this.

Mar 15, 2023 9:49:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am fucked, and I will become a statistic

Mar 15, 2023 9:49:57 PM +13038752587

Nonsense

Mar 15, 2023 9:50:24 PM Me

When I look ahead I see a future that in my heart of hearts I have no interest in living at all

Mar 15, 2023 9:51:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

So you would return to your relationship with Liz as it was prior to mid 2019? Is that was an option

Mar 15, 2023 9:51:42 PM ⇲ +13038752587

If that

Mar 15, 2023 9:50:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How do I deal with that?

Mar 15, 2023 9:50:37 PM Me

Check the fuck out

Mar 15, 2023 9:50:42 PM Me

Game over

Mar 15, 2023 9:51:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Easy way not to feel all the emotional and psychological pain

Mar 15, 2023 9:51:28 PM Me

I mean if Liz gets to decide to pass her pain onto the family, I can too

Mar 15, 2023 9:51:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

So you would return to your relationship with Liz as it was prior to mid 2019? Is that was an option
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 9:51:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander

Mar 15, 2023 9:51:42 PM ⇱ +13038752587

If that
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 9:52:21 PM Me

I want my wife back, I do. But its evidently clear to me that she’s lost.

Mar 15, 2023 9:52:35 PM +13038752587

Right now she is

Mar 15, 2023 9:52:55 PM Me

Only way she would ever come back is if she somehow “saw the light”

Mar 15, 2023 9:52:58 PM Me

No idea

Mar 15, 2023 9:53:19 PM +13038752587

Exactly - she needs to see the light

Mar 15, 2023 9:53:23 PM Me

She’s the type of person I think that could never admit she was wrong to divorce me

Mar 15, 2023 9:53:25 PM +13038752587

Her light

Mar 15, 2023 9:53:53 PM Me

I wish she would talk with me, but she can’t, it sucks

Mar 15, 2023 9:54:15 PM +13038752587

Again right now she can’t

Mar 15, 2023 9:54:19 PM Me

I went from being married and having depression to divorce - with like nothing in between

Mar 15, 2023 9:54:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

0 to 60 in -5 seconds

Mar 15, 2023 9:55:34 PM Me

That night of Jul3 I was only looking to feel like I existed. A hug would have sufficed for me. Something to make me feel not invisible.

Mar 15, 2023 9:56:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My brain is staring to think about the courage it will take me to go away.

Mar 15, 2023 9:56:39 PM Me

I know its not fair to everyone else

Mar 15, 2023 9:56:42 PM +13038752587

HARD STOP 🛑

Mar 15, 2023 9:56:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But am I expected to walk around the rest of my life like this.

Mar 15, 2023 9:56:57 PM Me

NO WAY

Mar 15, 2023 9:56:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

BE SILENT AND HEAR ME

Mar 15, 2023 9:57:05 PM Me

K

Mar 15, 2023 9:57:37 PM +13038752587

You have said many things and I want to address them

Mar 15, 2023 9:57:51 PM Me

Like Devo said, “Freedom of Choice, is what you got!”

Mar 15, 2023 9:59:42 PM Me

I’m good at mentally projecting and imagining what things will look like

Mar 15, 2023 10:01:27 PM ⇲ +13038752587

So use this gift to project and imagine a positive happy and fulfilled life

Mar 15, 2023 9:59:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I get paid to do it for a living

Mar 15, 2023 10:00:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No one makes you feel a certain way - you decide how you feel. You can accept their stories or even stories you create about what you think they think.

Mar 15, 2023 10:01:27 PM ⇱ +13038752587

So use this gift to project and imagine a positive happy and fulfilled life
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:02:03 PM Me

When I look at my life, and REALLY think about what it’s going to entail on a day-to-day level I’m really not interested in the prospect. Living alone, for me — NOT GOOD. I’m way more likely to fall into another deep hole of depression, except with no one around, no one will know and I can slowly slide out stage left

Mar 15, 2023 10:02:30 PM +13038752587

YOU ARE LOVED YOU MATTER THE WORLD NEEDS YOU

Mar 15, 2023 10:02:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m actually frightened by the prospect of living alone

Mar 15, 2023 10:02:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Truly

Mar 15, 2023 10:03:02 PM +13038752587

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Mar 15, 2023 10:03:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m frightened the depression is going to come out of the closet at night and get inside me again

Mar 15, 2023 10:03:11 PM +13038752587

YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE

Mar 15, 2023 10:03:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If that happens, I can tell you, game over

Mar 15, 2023 10:03:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel it

Mar 15, 2023 10:03:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

More than I ever have

Mar 15, 2023 10:04:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can actually see the peace on the other side if I dwell on it. That’s what hooks depressives in on their way. Its clear.

Mar 15, 2023 10:04:58 PM ⇲ +13038752587

No peace is out there

Mar 15, 2023 10:04:30 PM +13038752587

That’s good to know - now you know what not to be

Mar 15, 2023 10:04:41 PM Me

You look at the prospect of your pain and misery being OVER, or waking up tomorrow still living in it.

Mar 15, 2023 10:04:58 PM ⇱ +13038752587

No peace is out there
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:04:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

When you look at it like that its an EASY decision

Mar 15, 2023 10:06:02 PM Me

I think this is partly why I’m anxious to reach out to the woman who showed interest in me

Mar 15, 2023 10:06:13 PM Me

The fear of being alone.

Mar 15, 2023 10:06:16 PM +13038752587

This is assuming there is nothing after this live. If there is heavan and hell and purgatory

Mar 15, 2023 10:06:22 PM +13038752587

Oh yeah Karma

Mar 15, 2023 10:06:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not so much because of the aloneness, rather what I might do to myself if left alone long enough in a state of being and living I have no interest in

Mar 15, 2023 10:06:58 PM +13038752587

Oh shit what if this live dictates how you get reincarnated

Mar 15, 2023 10:07:16 PM Me

It does, every time

Mar 15, 2023 10:07:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Depending on the lessons learned, you’re deposited into the next existence for your being to evolve

Mar 15, 2023 10:07:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve thought about this a lot

Mar 15, 2023 10:08:04 PM Me

Why I got dropped into the life I have, and WHY

Mar 15, 2023 10:08:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And WHAT am I supposed to be learning

Mar 15, 2023 10:08:33 PM Me

Apparently my life is about unwanted suffering

Mar 15, 2023 10:08:42 PM +13038752587

So if you leave before learning it, then what

Mar 15, 2023 10:08:57 PM +13038752587

Do you just do it over again

Mar 15, 2023 10:09:06 PM Me

In some respects I feel like I’ve done it over the past two years

Mar 15, 2023 10:09:16 PM +13038752587

Until you learn it

Mar 15, 2023 10:09:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m enlightened now. I know that I am because I have sat with it and felt it. I’ve experienced it and the knowing of it.

Mar 15, 2023 10:19:23 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Take a break and sit in this space

Mar 15, 2023 10:09:58 PM Me

That being said, I swing like a pendulum still

Mar 15, 2023 10:10:17 PM Me

Messy being <—> blissful being

Mar 15, 2023 10:10:32 PM +13038752587

Human being

Mar 15, 2023 10:10:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, one non sequitur and I’ll stop

Mar 15, 2023 10:10:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

On insight timer, the check ins

Mar 15, 2023 10:11:40 PM Me

I’ve never touched anything in response to the question “how are you doing?” Than “BAD” and “AWFUL” for over two years

Mar 15, 2023 10:11:57 PM Me

I notice that every day I’m asked

Mar 15, 2023 10:12:20 PM Me

I havnt felt “ok” or “good” in years — for real

Mar 15, 2023 10:12:31 PM Me

I’ve not experienced any form of true joy in that time too

Mar 15, 2023 10:12:59 PM Me

It’s not a great place to be in and seeing possibility and opportunity from here is next to impossible

Mar 15, 2023 10:13:41 PM +13038752587

I will tell you - I have seen joy from you, heard joy from you.

Mar 15, 2023 10:13:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just don’t want to live in the direction I’m heading. I see it as an extension of more suffering and depression

Mar 15, 2023 10:13:57 PM Me

The joy you perceive is masking

Mar 15, 2023 10:14:16 PM ⇲ +13038752587

This is a lie you are telling yourself

Mar 15, 2023 10:14:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Or my attempt at joy — fake it until you make it

Mar 15, 2023 10:14:16 PM ⇱ +13038752587

This is a lie you are telling yourself
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:14:24 PM Me

I’m trying to feel joy

Mar 15, 2023 10:15:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No I don’t think so. I’m projecting happiness to others to send a message of hope and happiness. It makes others not worry about you

Mar 15, 2023 10:15:04 PM +13038752587

There is no effort involved to feel joy

Mar 15, 2023 10:15:09 PM Me

That’s how depressives do it

Mar 15, 2023 10:15:20 PM Me

They mask and make you believe nothings wrong

Mar 15, 2023 10:15:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m the Obi Wan Kenobi of masking

Mar 15, 2023 10:15:47 PM +13038752587

Do You mean unconsciously

Mar 15, 2023 10:15:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Believe me, these are not the droids you’re looking for

Mar 15, 2023 10:16:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes, people do it unconsciously and have no awareness of it

Mar 15, 2023 10:16:16 PM +13038752587

I know where you are, you have stated it clearl

Mar 15, 2023 10:16:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I do have awareness and know when its happening

Mar 15, 2023 10:16:33 PM +13038752587

So it’s a lie they are telling themselves

Mar 15, 2023 10:16:52 PM Me

In essence to make other not worry about them

Mar 15, 2023 10:16:56 PM Me

Yes

Mar 15, 2023 10:17:09 PM Me

they lie to themselves to make others feel better

Mar 15, 2023 10:17:22 PM Me

Or the depression lies to them to make others better

Mar 15, 2023 10:17:53 PM +13038752587

Since it’s unconscious they believe they are fooling everyone else but actually fooling themselves

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Liked by Me

Mar 15, 2023 10:18:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

And without awareness, they have no idea

Mar 15, 2023 10:18:25 PM ⇲ Me

a thing they don’t know, they don’t know

Mar 15, 2023 10:18:31 PM ⇲ Me

They have no idea they are doing it

Mar 15, 2023 10:17:54 PM Me

BTW, watch the Why Files vid I sent you

Mar 15, 2023 10:18:27 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I started it - like it so far

Mar 15, 2023 10:18:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

And without awareness, they have no idea
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:18:25 PM ⇱ Me

a thing they don’t know, they don’t know
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:18:27 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I started it - like it so far
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:18:31 PM ⇱ Me

They have no idea they are doing it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:19:23 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Take a break and sit in this space
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:19:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Once you’re educated on what the behavior is, and how it works, the why behind the perceived benefit

Mar 15, 2023 10:19:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You can start to see it more and more

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Mar 15, 2023 10:20:09 PM Me

K, going to sign off

Mar 15, 2023 10:20:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Keep catching it and shifting

Mar 15, 2023 10:20:14 PM Me

Tired

Mar 15, 2023 10:20:24 PM +13038752587

I love you

Mar 15, 2023 10:20:29 PM Me

Thanks

Mar 15, 2023 10:20:51 PM +13038752587

Your kids love you

Mar 15, 2023 10:20:58 PM Me

I know

Mar 15, 2023 10:21:11 PM +13038752587

Your mom loves you

Mar 15, 2023 10:21:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Honestly I don’t want to die. However, when facing all this and the pain and future, its very appealing to just make it all stop

Mar 15, 2023 10:22:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I also don’t want to continue living in the space I’m in now and have been for years

Mar 15, 2023 10:24:01 PM ⇲ +13038752587

The way out of this space will appear. Ask it before meditation. Be patient for the answer

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Liked by Me

Mar 15, 2023 10:23:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I mean I heard Liz say something tonight as a reason behind her thinking that isn’t true from my side, but I have ZERO way to convince her otherwise.

Mar 15, 2023 10:23:47 PM Me

I can’t win this fight

Mar 15, 2023 10:24:01 PM ⇱ +13038752587

The way out of this space will appear. Ask it before meditation. Be patient for the answer

Reactions:

Liked by Me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:24:12 PM Me

The more I push back on her, the more she’s going to hate me

Mar 15, 2023 10:24:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, good night

Mar 15, 2023 10:25:22 PM +13038752587

Text away any thoughts you want to unload

Mar 15, 2023 10:25:29 PM Me

K

Mar 15, 2023 10:25:59 PM +13038752587

If it gets dark in there - call me anytime

Mar 15, 2023 10:26:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Mar 15, 2023 10:26:47 PM Me

Simply put I just don’t know why this is happening to me. Why is my life falling apart? Why I’ve been in this multi-year dragging it out thing

Mar 15, 2023 10:27:45 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Take these questions into meditation too

Mar 15, 2023 10:27:17 PM +13038752587

If I don’t answer - use the hotline

Mar 15, 2023 10:27:42 PM Me

Sometimes I feel if we just went into hard therapy right away we might have fixed things. Liz is too entrenched in her stories to see anything else. It’s terribly heartbreaking for me. Heart killing is more like it

Mar 15, 2023 10:27:45 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Take these questions into meditation too
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2023 10:27:50 PM Me

Ok

Mar 15, 2023 10:28:29 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

😍😴

Mar 15, 2023 10:28:46 PM Me

g nite

Mar 15, 2023 11:09:54 PM Me

I’m mad at myself. Feeling this experience is evidence of my father’s persistent refrain, “you’re not good enough,” and making it a prophetic implant that my subconscious made true. Self-sabotaging subconscious? I remember, in my depressed state, continuously saying to Liz you hate me, essentially because I was feeling her rejection and pushing me further and further away. And she would reply if you keep saying that, I am going to hate you. Wow, talk about irony. And again, more evidence of my depressed subconscious, like sabotaging my life. I feel, in some ways, this weird metaphor that I woke up from a coma, and all this shit happened in my life while I was away, and I wake up, and everything is fucked up, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Like the most important person you love in the world, the most certainly what seems like undiscussed reasons turns on you. That’s what this feels like.

Mar 15, 2023 11:12:58 PM Me

Sleeping is hard with increasing tinnitus. Stress-making volume 🔊 in quiet spaces

Mar 15, 2023 11:17:01 PM Me

Also wondering what u think I should do about the woman who reached out. I'm looking for friends. If it becomes a friend with benefits over time so be it. Be likely to meet in Ventura somewhere if she wants to meet in person. She may just want to meet in video meeting. I'm open to either. Anyhow...

Mar 15, 2023 11:20:01 PM Me

the vulnerable part of me yearns for true affection. Going on 5 years 😕

Mar 15, 2023 11:20:21 PM Me

2018 was last time I felt it

Mar 16, 2023 9:45:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good morning.

Mar 16, 2023 9:45:21 AM Me

I woke up in the middle of the night with my brain thinking…

Mar 16, 2023 9:48:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

In order for me to move forward, and stay on Earth, I will need to not see or speak to Elizabeth. Right now I find any interaction with her triggering. Seeing her triggers feelings of love and longing. I cannot move forward and continue to be triggered every time I interact with her. So, as I am required to honor her decision for a divorce, she will be required to not be at anything I am at. This means we will never be present at the same time in the same space.

Mar 16, 2023 9:49:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can choose not to see or speak to her because that’s what’s best for me going forward.

Mar 16, 2023 9:49:27 AM Me

Everyone else can suck it

Mar 16, 2023 9:49:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I don’t care what other people think about my decision to do that.

Mar 16, 2023 9:49:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s to protect me and my heart and mind.

Mar 16, 2023 9:50:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just like Liz wants a divorce, I never want to see or speak to her again.

Mar 16, 2023 9:50:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

As far as I am concerned, she will be dead to me.

Mar 16, 2023 9:51:24 AM +13038752587

You have my ear for 5 mins before meeting

Mar 16, 2023 9:51:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She makes her choice and she’ll live with it

Mar 16, 2023 9:52:07 AM Me

Anytime the boys ask me about my relationship with their mother, I will tell them to go talk to her.

Mar 16, 2023 9:52:11 AM Me

This was her decision

Mar 16, 2023 9:52:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not mine

Mar 16, 2023 9:52:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She can deal with their broken hearts and minds

Mar 16, 2023 9:52:54 AM Me

Fuck her for breaking up our family

Mar 16, 2023 9:53:08 AM Me

FUCK HER AND THE FUCKING HORSE SHE RODE IN ON

Mar 16, 2023 9:53:17 AM Me

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK

Mar 16, 2023 9:53:20 AM Me

Haha

Mar 16, 2023 9:53:32 AM Me

Venting of course

Mar 16, 2023 9:53:40 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

And a sense of humor - that’s good 😊

Mar 16, 2023 9:53:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But I’m serious about the no seeing or talking

Mar 16, 2023 9:54:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And as a stubborn Taurus that will be the Bert she’ll experience for the rest of her life. Bitter—you fucked me over-Bert

Mar 16, 2023 9:54:57 AM Me

Took away the love of my life and my family.

Mar 16, 2023 9:54:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FUCK YOU

Mar 16, 2023 9:55:06 AM Me

So angry

Mar 16, 2023 9:55:21 AM Me

Not my father type of angry

Mar 16, 2023 9:55:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not fateful

Mar 16, 2023 9:55:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

rageful

Mar 16, 2023 9:55:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not fate

Mar 16, 2023 9:56:04 AM +13038752587

Keep releasing the rage 😡 in a productive way - here, in paper, on walks, in meditation

Mar 16, 2023 9:56:14 AM Me

I realized she’s totally focused on her and her future.

Mar 16, 2023 9:56:21 AM Me

I’m just doing the same thing

Mar 16, 2023 9:56:43 AM Me

So when Joanna or anyone else tells me I’m overreacting….

Mar 16, 2023 9:57:13 AM Me

FUCK YOU and YOUR OPINION

Mar 16, 2023 9:57:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have a nice day!

Mar 16, 2023 9:57:35 AM Me

K meeting time

Mar 16, 2023 9:58:01 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

K - 😀

Mar 16, 2023 12:47:56 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Betrayed and abandoned

Mar 16, 2023 12:48:16 PM Me

2 words that say my feelings succincntly

Mar 16, 2023 1:16:23 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

What are the stories attached to these feelings?

Mar 16, 2023 1:16:29 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Text them out here

Mar 16, 2023 3:56:54 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Mar 16, 2023 4:03:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Feeling lots of grief today

Mar 16, 2023 4:04:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also the feeling of being forced to do something I don’t want to (divorce).

Mar 16, 2023 4:04:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Did you read my writing from late last night? Before I started riffing this AM? If not check it out

Mar 16, 2023 4:21:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I discovered today that I am an aspiring language model

Mar 16, 2023 4:21:28 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Mar 16, 2023 4:21:28 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Top left

Mar 16, 2023 4:21:43 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Mar 16, 2023 4:27:40 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Driving - I’ll check it out

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Mar 16, 2023 4:28:31 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

Had some thoughts before going to bed that I want to make sure you see it

Mar 16, 2023 9:18:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 56 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ok

Mar 16, 2023 4:28:51 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 10 seconds) Me

Also, listening to this:

Mar 16, 2023 4:28:54 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 7 seconds) Me

Blinkist

Mar 16, 2023 4:29:06 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 55 seconds) Me

See if you can listen from that link

Mar 16, 2023 9:23:14 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 16 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I like Dr Joe Dispenza. His story is amazing. Inspiring to say the least.

Mar 16, 2023 9:23:46 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 44 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I need to set up a free trial of k listen to it all.

Mar 16, 2023 9:25:01 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 29 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Thanks for sharing as I would like to learn more about his methods

Mar 16, 2023 4:29:18 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 43 seconds) Me

My free blink of the day

Mar 16, 2023 4:32:11 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Driving - I’ll check it out

Mar 16, 2023 8:55:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

I hear a man who is at a crossroads. Between owning his power and allowing others to have power over him. Between being accountable for his life or holding others accountable. Between being a victor or being a victim. Between growth and expansion or surrender and contraction. Between embracing the unknown or suffering the known.

Mar 16, 2023 9:07:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

A man at a crossroads is faced with many thoughts and feelings. Confidence and fear, independence and acceptance, master and slave, love and apathy, are at war in his head and heart.

Mar 16, 2023 9:30:04 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

These two messages are in response to what you wrote yesterday and this morning. Keep doing the work and the war will cease.

Mar 16, 2023 9:18:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 56 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ok
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 16, 2023 9:23:14 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 16 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I like Dr Joe Dispenza. His story is amazing. Inspiring to say the least.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 16, 2023 9:23:46 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 44 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I need to set up a free trial of k listen to it all.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 16, 2023 9:25:01 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 29 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Thanks for sharing as I would like to learn more about his methods
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 16, 2023 9:30:04 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

These two messages are in response to what you wrote yesterday and this morning. Keep doing the work and the war will cease.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 16, 2023 9:30:41 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Off to bed 🛌

Mar 17, 2023 12:00:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Medium

Reactions:

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Mar 17, 2023 1:36:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just felt earthquake out here

Mar 17, 2023 1:48:06 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

Where

Mar 17, 2023 1:48:33 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

There was a small on in Livermore

Mar 17, 2023 1:48:50 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

By San Francisco

Mar 17, 2023 1:49:16 PM Me

That must be what I felt. It was bang, and then quiet.

Mar 17, 2023 1:49:26 PM Me

Sounded like a bomb went off

Mar 17, 2023 1:50:59 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 36 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Eerie

Mar 17, 2023 4:28:21 PM Me

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. I’m just sitting home alone like every other day, so no St. Patrick’s Day for me. I’m in this weird space where I can’t have a life.

Mar 17, 2023 4:29:49 PM +13038752587

Happy St Patrick’s Day

Mar 17, 2023 4:29:54 PM Me

Just feeling fucking depressed again. If I could go out, I would feel better but I feel like I can’t go out because of the situation with Liz. I just don’t know what the fuck to do.

Mar 17, 2023 4:30:12 PM +13038752587

Sure you can- isn’t there a local place to go get an Irish meal

Mar 17, 2023 4:30:18 PM Me

Late at night I sit around and just ruminate in my head which is an any fucking good makes me just want to check out

Mar 17, 2023 4:30:34 PM +13038752587

Go fucking out

Mar 17, 2023 4:30:56 PM Me

No, there really aren’t any Irish places in Ojai. The nearest place I know of is in Ventura and I don’t feel like going to Ventura again depression curbing me on going that far.

Mar 17, 2023 4:31:30 PM +13038752587

So you have decided to stay at home?

Mar 17, 2023 4:31:52 PM Me

Plus, I don’t like going out alone, I don’t enjoy standing around by myself like a dork. And to extenuate the problem I don’t really have any friends here. All my friends were through my marriage. Most of the people I have been friends with on campus have moved away or moved on like Derick. So, I technically don’t have any Homies

Mar 17, 2023 4:32:24 PM Me

I am a friendless fuck up

Mar 17, 2023 4:32:36 PM Me

Or a depressed friendless fuck up

Mar 17, 2023 4:32:47 PM +13038752587

Your a man in America

Mar 17, 2023 4:33:01 PM +13038752587

Little to no active friendships

Mar 17, 2023 4:33:08 PM Me

And I don’t need a lecture on looking for happiness outside yourself, I know, and understand all that I just don’t interact with humans.

Mar 17, 2023 4:33:49 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Interesting limiting belief

Mar 17, 2023 4:34:59 PM ⇲ Me

Not interacting with humans, means the only face-to-face interactions I really have with people or with cashiers at the supermarket at the pharmacy and at the hardware store. Oh, and the therapist, but that’s a virtual meeting so it doesn’t technically count as in person.

Mar 17, 2023 4:35:42 PM ⇲ Me

I so dislike that when I’m feeling like this, in this depressed state of mind that I have obnoxious amounts of self-pity and self hate

Mar 17, 2023 4:36:43 PM ⇲ Me

And I had all that before having to go through this. It is an incredibly triggering event for me. There are days and times where I’m distracted and not thinking about it but then I do think about it. How can I not because I’m pink asked to hurry up and pack my shit get the fuck out.

Mar 17, 2023 4:37:34 PM ⇲ Me

I can see some of my words are being miss interpreted. I am speaking into the phone and trying to annunciate myself. However, there are times when I start to get upset and it really Mangels my words and I sometimes hit send before reading it. So apologies for having to deal with that.

Mar 17, 2023 4:33:14 PM +13038752587

Don’t label yourself

Mar 17, 2023 4:33:32 PM Me

I know about the labeling thing depression does that to me

Mar 17, 2023 4:33:49 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Interesting limiting belief
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 17, 2023 4:33:54 PM Me

It’s part of the angry voice, talking back at me going you’re just a fuck up, who the fuck do you think you are to be doing what you do or to be alive frankly

Mar 17, 2023 4:34:29 PM +13038752587

Well tell the voice the SHUT THE FUCK UP

Mar 17, 2023 4:34:42 PM +13038752587

AND GO GET SIME GRUB

Mar 17, 2023 4:34:52 PM +13038752587

Where are the boys?

Mar 17, 2023 4:34:59 PM ⇱ Me

Not interacting with humans, means the only face-to-face interactions I really have with people or with cashiers at the supermarket at the pharmacy and at the hardware store. Oh, and the therapist, but that’s a virtual meeting so it doesn’t technically count as in person.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 17, 2023 4:35:42 PM ⇱ Me

I so dislike that when I’m feeling like this, in this depressed state of mind that I have obnoxious amounts of self-pity and self hate
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 17, 2023 4:36:33 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

We’ll go out

Mar 17, 2023 4:36:39 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Well*

Mar 17, 2023 4:36:43 PM ⇱ Me

And I had all that before having to go through this. It is an incredibly triggering event for me. There are days and times where I’m distracted and not thinking about it but then I do think about it. How can I not because I’m pink asked to hurry up and pack my shit get the fuck out.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 17, 2023 4:37:34 PM ⇱ Me

I can see some of my words are being miss interpreted. I am speaking into the phone and trying to annunciate myself. However, there are times when I start to get upset and it really Mangels my words and I sometimes hit send before reading it. So apologies for having to deal with that.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 17, 2023 4:37:50 PM +13038752587

Here’s a place - menu looks good - and the Fish and Chips has high ratings

Mar 17, 2023 4:37:59 PM +13038752587

https://www.seafreshseafood.com/menu

Mar 17, 2023 4:38:25 PM Me

I know see Fresh quite well, and remember, I can’t do fish and chips or at least the fish because it’s coded in wheat

Mar 17, 2023 4:38:47 PM Me

Not to worry, I’m just having pasta and some sauce

Mar 17, 2023 4:38:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok - get something else

Mar 17, 2023 4:38:59 PM Me

When you’re alone, you really don’t have to cook a lot of stuff

Mar 17, 2023 4:39:09 PM +13038752587

Go out!

Mar 17, 2023 4:39:48 PM +13038752587

Sit at the bar, have a non-alcoholic beverage- lots of tasty options and Jess days

Mar 17, 2023 4:40:08 PM +13038752587

These*

Mar 17, 2023 4:40:24 PM Me

I’m gonna end up, fighting myself to go out. So I’m not gonna do it. It’s some thing that I’m gonna have to work on a lot. I’d rather stay inside and not go out and be disappointed, and or disappoint other people. As much as part of me wants to put myself out there, another part of me never really wants to interact with a lot of people ever again.

Mar 17, 2023 4:41:09 PM +13038752587

The more reason to just get up of your ass and go

Mar 17, 2023 4:41:14 PM Me

Unfortunately, there’s a side of this experience that is really hammering home reinforcement on a lot of beliefs

Mar 17, 2023 4:41:18 PM +13038752587

Fuck other’s opinion

Mar 17, 2023 4:41:39 PM Me

No seriously I’m good. I’m sorry I brought it up.

Mar 17, 2023 4:41:40 PM +13038752587

Let them be disappointed

Mar 17, 2023 4:41:50 PM +13038752587

I believe you

Mar 17, 2023 4:42:08 PM +13038752587

…

Mar 17, 2023 4:42:17 PM +13038752587

That you are good.

Mar 17, 2023 4:42:31 PM +13038752587

And you should still go out!

Mar 17, 2023 4:42:46 PM +13038752587

😀

Mar 17, 2023 4:43:35 PM Me

I know I can be happy alone. How I grew up really. I spent many winters all by myself in my room growing up. So I know I can get back into that mindset. It’s not a problem. I am really used to being all alone, it’s just that I haven’t been in a very long time.

Mar 17, 2023 4:44:42 PM Me

I can go out in public and pretend to be happy. It’s fine it’s I’m really good at it. I just don’t want to try to generate energy to do some thing and just be fucking disappointed. Everything is fucking black right now.

Mar 17, 2023 4:45:15 PM Me

My head is inside of some dark clouds at the moment. I am sure that in a few hours I will feel better. I just got a ride it out.

Mar 17, 2023 4:45:49 PM Me

I just get triggered all the time and sometimes I see it and can deal with it and process it and other times it hits me out of nowhere and I don’t see it coming

Mar 17, 2023 4:46:12 PM Me

like it just did a while ago

Mar 17, 2023 4:47:06 PM Me

you should text my brother; he’ll send you pictures of himself getting drunk in a bar dress like an Irishman

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Mar 17, 2023 5:15:43 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 46 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Off to get dinner stuff

Mar 17, 2023 8:03:04 PM Me

Don’t let the title fool you. I think this talk is a wise listen for anyone especially those in a relationship with another. Give it a listen. Let me know what you think do it while you’re on a walk Hey! Check out this track on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

Mar 17, 2023 8:03:07 PM Me

https://insig.ht/YiymGbeYfyb

Mar 17, 2023 8:04:31 PM Me

While listening to it, I really had a strong feeling that I wanted to share it with Elizabeth only because even though she puts on a brave face which honestly she’s masking, she probably would never admit it but that’s what she’s doing by hiding her emotions anyway, I know she’s dealing with emotions probably in private, crying etc. I don’t know but I don’t think anybody would go through something like this without feeling some thing. My goodness if you didn’t feel anything I don’t know if you’re human. Let me know what you think about the idea of sharing it with her. Again it is purely from a place of compassion.

Mar 17, 2023 11:00:29 PM Me

Hello?

Mar 17, 2023 11:09:51 PM Me

Thanks for your help and everything.

Mar 17, 2023 11:11:11 PM Me

I'm sorry for the inconvenience caused by myself and my crap. It will be over soon

Mar 18, 2023 1:10:36 AM Me

Or I will

Mar 18, 2023 9:06:54 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 52 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Always here for you 😍

Mar 18, 2023 9:07:47 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 51 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll listen to the talk today and reply to your question regarding sharing it with Liz

Mar 18, 2023 11:59:23 AM Me

K

Mar 18, 2023 11:59:33 AM Me

Yesterday was tough

Mar 18, 2023 12:00:36 PM Me

I’ve been up for about an hour doing some cleanup after the rains. It’s warm here today. I’m also going to clean out my stuff from the walk-in closet today and perhaps go through everything in my dresser and you know throwaway giveaway keep piles and you know start re-packing shit I gotta start at some point I guess.

Mar 18, 2023 12:01:05 PM Me

It’s just really depressing to be packing yourself up because you’re being kicked out of your family. It’s like a kick in the gut.

Mar 18, 2023 12:02:58 PM Me

It’s not just the end of my marriage and being rejected by the woman I’m in love with; I’m also being kicked out of my family and out of the house and out of the place. I've lived in for over two decades. It fucking hurts.

Mar 18, 2023 12:06:31 PM Me

And I want none of this. It would be so different if I truly felt I wanted it sincerely. I want it on some level, but I don’t want it because it’s more about breaking up the family than the marriage. We can always work on the marriage. But once you break up the family, that’s it; you’ve blown that shit up.

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Emphasized by Me

Mar 18, 2023 12:08:30 PM +13038752587

Searching for lost Fob on hiking trail - I’ll read and reply later

Mar 18, 2023 3:45:45 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Luckily someone found it and left it in a fence post

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Mar 18, 2023 3:46:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There seems to be no way out from the place, I'm in. No matter what I do, the pain repeats again. Depression grips me tight. Isolation is my friend. Unable to communicate; I'm in a constant trend. My thoughts are delusions. My actions, unskillful ways Self-hate, self-loathing Consuming all my days My wife wants out Despair, my constant mate Unable to change my ways My life, I cannot recreate I try to reach out But my voice is but a whisper Invisible, ignored My world, a constant blister The weight is heavy My soul is tired and worn I pray for a way out For a new hope to be born But for now, I'm stuck In this dark, endless night Searching for a glimmer of hope In this world without light.

Mar 18, 2023 3:48:14 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Yours poem?

Mar 18, 2023 3:48:23 PM Me

Yes

Mar 18, 2023 3:48:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

last night

Mar 18, 2023 3:49:56 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

It’s great.

Mar 18, 2023 3:50:23 PM +13038752587

Captures the feeling and emotes the situation

Mar 18, 2023 3:50:32 PM Me

Yep

Mar 18, 2023 3:50:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going to send it to my counselor

Reactions:

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Mar 18, 2023 3:51:05 PM Me

Going on. Hike now

Reactions:

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Mar 18, 2023 3:51:20 PM Me

To end my 16 hour fast

Mar 18, 2023 3:51:34 PM Me

Been going 5 days now

Mar 18, 2023 3:51:43 PM +13038752587

Wow - how’s the going?

Mar 18, 2023 3:51:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Doing a month

Mar 18, 2023 3:51:54 PM Me

Fine

Mar 18, 2023 3:51:55 PM +13038752587

Sweet

Mar 18, 2023 3:53:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I basically ate my meals in the 8 hour window every day for years. What kills me is all the chips and carbs outside the 8 window which my body packs on. Also doing my best to give no less than 2 hours after eating before going to bed. Avoid GERD

Mar 18, 2023 3:53:38 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Not snacking during video binging is no fun 😟

Mar 18, 2023 3:55:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, today I can tell Liz I’m moved out of the walk in closet. She has it all by EOD today. Taking it room by room—pulling my shit out. Will stage it all in the garage for the day I leave campus, which might be the hardest day of my life yet.

Mar 18, 2023 3:56:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Funny we talked about “coming on to campus” and Liz acted like its no big deal. To me it’s HUGE. I feel scorned and kicked out of my family. I don’t want to come back on to campus and feel uncomfortable.

Mar 18, 2023 3:56:24 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to walk in the house after I move out

Mar 18, 2023 3:56:51 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Shunned — need that on a T-Shirt

Mar 18, 2023 4:00:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m being divorced because of my mental illness. Very sad to desert someone

Mar 18, 2023 5:29:51 PM Me

Feeling thus...

Mar 18, 2023 5:29:59 PM Me

Spotify

Mar 18, 2023 6:34:29 PM Me

Mar 18, 2023 7:13:26 PM Me

Mar 18, 2023 7:49:42 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 29 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Where are these from

Mar 18, 2023 10:19:26 PM Me

Lyrics from Portishead songs

Mar 18, 2023 11:02:09 PM Me

Love this Speaks to me Plus it's a great song to pace hikes to

Mar 18, 2023 11:02:12 PM Me

Spotify

Mar 18, 2023 11:36:34 PM Me

Mar 19, 2023 12:02:17 AM Me

I'm glad I don't own a gun. I'd already be gone.

Mar 19, 2023 12:03:11 AM You unsent a message.

Mar 19, 2023 12:04:56 AM Me

Im honestly fearful of moving out away from my family and being isolated and alone.

Mar 19, 2023 12:05:28 AM Me

Im not u or anyone else, im me

Mar 19, 2023 12:08:09 AM Me

Last time I lived alone was 30+ years ago in a studio apt on the third floor of the Algonquin on broadway in Saratoga. I hated it.

Mar 19, 2023 12:08:43 AM Me

I only see this as rejection and being kicked out of my family

Mar 19, 2023 12:09:34 AM Me

My disease killed my relationship. I fucking hate that so much

Mar 19, 2023 12:24:51 AM Me

There are long periods of time when I really just don’t feel like going on I think because I can’t be with my wife who is the woman I love dearly. All of this is such a giant cluster fuck of mistake and misinterpretation and assumptions. I’m losing my life for reasons that are truly unclear to me. And I’m willing to do literally ANYTHING to save my marriage. I’d run naked thru town if need be. I’d be fine with that. I just know I’m headed to my grave if I can’t find a way back. I know nobody wants to hear that, and I’m not by any means trying to twist Elizabeth‘s arm, or anything of that nature, but I would honestly no longer want to live instead of living alone. Right now I have my boys upstairs for me and they are close. When I move out of this house, I’m going to be alone all the time. It’s not as if I’m going to be entertaining all my friends which don’t exist, or entertaining anyone really. I had desire to try and meet other women, but I got discouraged after you told me to wait. I was really wanting to follow up with that woman on the bumble app Maybe that would be a good thing for me. But I don’t know if that’s me just trying to substitute and pacify instead of denying myself yet again for even more time. Remember, it’s been basically five years since we had a strong connection that we always had. I’m not looking for codependency, and I’m not looking for anything other than some basic care in a section which is been absent in my life for an incredibly long time, and it makes me feel jaded, and at times makes me wonder if I can even meet another woman, and even be with another woman at all.

Mar 19, 2023 12:27:57 AM Me

I actually pictured myself in the future, being with another woman, and possibly being intimate, and when that moment comes, I was thinking that I mentally might have a very hard time with that. I’ve been with Elizabeth for three decades. Longer than a lot of adults that are alive.

Mar 19, 2023 12:29:35 AM Me

All of this is to say, in summary, that my life used to oscillate between depression and deep depression. Now, my all life isolates between work, and various distractions, or thinking about my future, it really does not feel like a future to me. It feels far more like the beginning of my end.

Mar 19, 2023 10:48:21 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

What do you want? Stated clearly and succinctly. In these categories… Health - physical mental spiritual and emotional Relationships- self, romantic, kids, community Lifestyle - the ideal average day (bed, house, car, work, clothes, play, etc) Finances - this is dictated by Lifestyle. What amount supports your he lifestyle you want?

Mar 19, 2023 11:02:52 AM Me

Good ?s

Mar 19, 2023 11:03:32 AM Me

It’ll be best for me to write it out in a bullet list of some kind. Let me put it into my subconscious and later this afternoon or early evening I’ll sit down and write what comes to mind.

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Mar 19, 2023 11:46:57 AM Me

What a lovely dart that was! Practicing, Put the dart thru the pin hole of my target with pin still intact. Never happened before. I’ve hit the pin 📍 but it’s shattered and the dart was on the floor in the past. New one for me.

Mar 19, 2023 11:47:19 AM Me

That’s on 20 btw

Mar 19, 2023 11:49:52 AM Me

Mar 19, 2023 11:50:02 AM Me

Plus, it had a pinhead in the way

Mar 19, 2023 12:35:08 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Watch out Robinhood

Mar 19, 2023 12:54:29 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 20 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 19, 2023 12:57:05 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 17 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Not sure if I sent this when we were in Hungary

Mar 20, 2023 12:36:52 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Here are replies to your previous queries. hop[e this helps

Mar 20, 2023 12:36:52 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Mar 20, 2023 2:55:53 AM Me

Up at 2am crying

Mar 20, 2023 2:57:47 AM Me

I want to not be alive, I don’t want the life I’m headed towards. I’d rather be nothing and non existent

Mar 20, 2023 2:59:39 AM Me

I know if I move out it’s a matter of time until someone finds me dead and gone. The isolation will kill me

Mar 20, 2023 3:00:17 AM Me

This is the worst feeling in the world

Mar 20, 2023 8:49:28 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 8 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry to hear you had a rough night

Mar 20, 2023 8:50:22 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 7 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Read your answers to prompts - what you schedule this afternoon

Mar 20, 2023 2:10:42 PM ⇲ Me

Free after 3. Need to talk to car people about getting new car

Mar 20, 2023 2:09:13 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Sent an email - Dr Gabor

Mar 20, 2023 2:09:55 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

This was in my messages from a mentor … You weren't born with negative thoughts and self-doubt. You were born BELIEVING you were DESTINED for great things. What will you do today to BUILD BACK that POSITIVE BELIEF in yourself?

Mar 20, 2023 2:10:42 PM ⇱ Me

Free after 3. Need to talk to car people about getting new car
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 20, 2023 6:03:41 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

k, done with car stuff. Here working until 6:30, running an errand to town and straight back home. The therapist suggested I get alcohol inks and create some art about my journey up until now. Thinking of it as a movie preview, capturing specific moments. I have some pieces of work already in my mind, and need to get them out there I’ve never used alcohol inks before, should be interesting to experiment.

Mar 20, 2023 6:04:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Those are some examples I found online that I really like. Like the technique and application

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Mar 21, 2023 5:21:35 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

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Mar 21, 2023 6:04:59 PM Me

hard day so far. Multiple breakdowns today.

Mar 21, 2023 6:46:22 PM Me

Just gutted every time I think about it.

Mar 21, 2023 6:47:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No matter how I approach it, inside meditation, outside, subconscious I wake up crying in the night. Its literally everywhere—no peace.

Mar 21, 2023 6:47:26 PM Me

At least that’s the feeling

Mar 21, 2023 7:15:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I still don’t understand why I deserve a divorce. Yes things were awful, but I’m way beyond that now, but she doest seem to care. We went from 2018, and “everything is fine” in the relationship (with its normal stuff ike they all do), to “believe me, if there is something wrong, you will know about it!” with a stare that could kill you cold. I took that to heart. then Covid. during that time I do recall her saying she was scared of me and I was taken aback. She said the boys were scared of me—I asked them individually and no—didnt feel scared or threatened by me in any way all during the pandemic. I asked them. Yet at one point that was part of the divorce soup. Yet when I bring that up, that I talked to the boys and they counter what she claims, its ignored or whataboutism, or on to the next thing. the thing is she never asked me questions to see what I was thinking or feeling—NEVER—during that whole time of Covid. She just saw me in major depressive disorder being massively triggered because she’s pushing me away at a time I want to be close. But I was repulsive because of my anger. I keep telling them its towards myself but NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND THAT unless you’re a mental healthcare professional. Anyhow this is what I’ve come to

Mar 21, 2023 7:18:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How do we go from “everything is ok” to “I’ll tell you when things are wrong” to “I’m scared of you, you’re scaring me,” to “I want a divorce?” With no counseling prior to coming to that decision. She just came in with that attitude after promising me that we would come back together and talk. Here I was thinking I was giving her the space and time to heal and she was hardening her heart and I had NO IDEA — again, because she doesn’t communicate to me.

Mar 21, 2023 7:24:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want to ask her this question in the session tomorrow night. With whom has/had she been counseled about our marriage and arriving at her decision? I feel it entirely fair and appropriate for me to ask who she talked to—about OUR future, MY future, without my knowledge or involvement at any level or in any capacity. She’s likely to ask me and I can say you, my mom, Derick, and our mutual therapist. I’ve not talked about my marriage with any other counselors—I keep focused on me, the depression, the borderline personality disorder—working on triggers and their reactions, working on self-hate and self-loathing. Let me know if you think its alright I ask it.

Mar 21, 2023 7:25:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, is it appropriate for me to ask if she is dating or in a relationship already? (why the rush to get me out of the house? And avoiding me at all costs)

Mar 21, 2023 7:26:24 PM Me

There is SO MUCH she’s not sharing in our sessions. Guess that means we’ll have lots of sessions going forward.

Mar 21, 2023 7:26:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok time to sulk 😊

Mar 21, 2023 8:29:01 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 20 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

I suggest you write down all your questions that you have for Liz. What questions will help you understand where she is coming from and why divorce is the next step in her mind?

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Mar 22, 2023 1:00:38 AM Me

Twitter

Mar 22, 2023 1:02:52 AM Me

Also, more women are liking my profile on the app I have. Want to see who they are

Mar 22, 2023 1:04:44 AM Me

One woman sent me a message but have not replied. I want to but….. 💔☹️

Mar 22, 2023 2:09:14 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

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A little snow ❄️

Mar 22, 2023 2:09:14 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to the Dharma broken heart meditation. Very good. Be kind and compassionate. Forgive yourself and others.

Mar 22, 2023 8:53:31 PM Me

Just done with group session.

Mar 22, 2023 8:53:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So depressed

Mar 22, 2023 8:53:40 PM Me

So down

Mar 22, 2023 8:54:28 PM Me

Having a hard time breathing and catching my breath

Mar 22, 2023 8:54:38 PM Me

Like anxiety hyperventilation

Mar 22, 2023 8:54:48 PM Me

While crying

Mar 22, 2023 8:55:59 PM Me

I’ve not felt the pain this deep yet

Mar 22, 2023 8:56:26 PM Me

It’s excruciating, like the depression. I just want it to stop.

Mar 22, 2023 8:56:41 PM Me

Thing is the pain is here every day, and has been for almost 3 years

Mar 22, 2023 8:57:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What about tonight’s session triggered the feelings

Mar 22, 2023 8:58:43 PM ⇲ Me

She’s seeming exasperated because I have questions. She said she’s answered them and I either don’t listen or think the story is wrong.

Mar 22, 2023 8:57:29 PM Me

I now have to cut off that entire side of my life. No more Sallie, Joanna, Sherry, etc

Mar 22, 2023 8:57:37 PM Me

I won’t be able to see any of them

Mar 22, 2023 8:57:41 PM Me

It will be triggering

Mar 22, 2023 8:57:48 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Why

Mar 22, 2023 8:58:43 PM ⇱ Me

She’s seeming exasperated because I have questions. She said she’s answered them and I either don’t listen or think the story is wrong.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2023 8:59:33 PM Me

Any interaction with anyone in her circle, save my boys, will be impossible for me to be around

Mar 22, 2023 9:00:11 PM Me

I’m the fucking asshole who hurt Liz and made the divorce happen, remember

Mar 22, 2023 9:01:22 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Or is this your story of what you think their story is?

Mar 22, 2023 9:00:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am so dead

Mar 22, 2023 9:00:39 PM +13038752587

Is that what she told you?

Mar 22, 2023 9:00:51 PM Me

“Aint no stopping us now… we’re in the groove!”

Mar 22, 2023 9:01:22 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Or is this your story of what you think their story is?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2023 9:01:43 PM +13038752587

Putting girls to sleep - bb

Mar 22, 2023 9:01:52 PM Me

She did say she has answered all my questions. She also made assumptions about what I was thinking/feeling and I barged right in and said, YOU KNOW NOTHING about that because you NEVER asked me.

Mar 22, 2023 9:02:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I just know that I’m walking the plank of life right now

Mar 22, 2023 9:02:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m on the end, hands tied bouncing up and down

Mar 22, 2023 9:03:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Honestly I need distractions

Mar 22, 2023 9:03:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Work is one

Mar 22, 2023 9:03:54 PM Me

She said it all comes down to not trusting me any more.

Mar 22, 2023 9:04:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She said she can never trust me again.

Mar 22, 2023 9:15:17 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

She may be feeling this now, but never is unlikely. A question that comes up is if you were to ever trust me again, not saying you will, but if you did, what would have to happen?

Mar 22, 2023 9:04:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Truly my whole life is so fucked up right now. Better off dead never sounded better.

Mar 22, 2023 9:07:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also very sad moment in session when I was asked if I have any friends to go hang out with, or go to the beach with. She was referring to adult friends not hanging out with the boys. I honestly answered no. I don’t have any friends. I like it on one hand because I don’t have anyone to let down. But I hate it because it triggers huge loser vibes.

Mar 22, 2023 9:16:00 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Why do you feel you would let down people?

Mar 22, 2023 9:14:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was asked what I was planning on taking from the house when I move out. - my clothes + shoes - my computer and desk - some papers and books - my tools I said that’s it. I’ll just buy new stuff. The therapist seemed surprised because we’re not arguing over who gets what. I didn’t bring up Liz’s retirement account, honesty because I thought I wouldn’t have to. If the shoe was on the other foot, would she not want half of my retirement heading out? I honestly do need it. I think I have $18k in an old retirement account. I cashed in to payoff the kids private school bills when they were young. I never recovered financially from that. I believe she has about $250k in a retirement account. If I take nothing else walking away, but ask for that—can’t imagine that will be received warmly. I didnt decide to divorce—consequence time.

Mar 22, 2023 9:15:17 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

She may be feeling this now, but never is unlikely. A question that comes up is if you were to ever trust me again, not saying you will, but if you did, what would have to happen?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2023 9:15:43 PM Me

What is never unlikely

Mar 22, 2023 9:16:00 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Why do you feel you would let down people?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2023 9:16:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s been my life, letting people down

Mar 22, 2023 9:17:09 PM Me

My dad, my mom, my brother, Liz, Aidan, Declan, Darragh. Only the core people in my life

Mar 22, 2023 9:17:30 PM Me

I’ve lef EVERY ONE of them down

Mar 22, 2023 9:17:40 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I don’t think this is true

Mar 22, 2023 9:17:54 PM Me

In some aspect or fashion, yes

Mar 22, 2023 9:17:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I believe this is a false believe you have

Mar 22, 2023 9:18:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Never made my father happy

Mar 22, 2023 9:18:32 PM +13038752587

It’s not your job

Mar 22, 2023 9:18:38 PM Me

I let my mom down when I moved out here

Mar 22, 2023 9:18:43 PM Me

Same with brother

Mar 22, 2023 9:18:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

His happiness is depended on him

Mar 22, 2023 9:19:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I don’t believe that - you had your life to live they had theirs

Mar 22, 2023 9:19:11 PM Me

And Liz and the boys for fucking up and destroying my family.

Mar 22, 2023 9:19:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I will never forgive myself

Mar 22, 2023 9:19:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Forgive yourself you must

Mar 22, 2023 9:20:06 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Hear yoda

Mar 22, 2023 9:19:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Forgive yourself you must
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2023 9:20:02 PM Me

I cannot forgive myself for my behavior to drive Elizabeth to mistrust me and make this dire a decision.

Mar 22, 2023 9:20:06 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Hear yoda
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2023 9:20:15 PM Me

She may as well have just shot me.

Mar 22, 2023 9:20:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, I need to mind shift

Mar 22, 2023 9:20:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to walk the dog

Mar 22, 2023 9:20:54 PM Me

I bought 2 new audio books

Mar 22, 2023 9:21:12 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Which ones

Mar 22, 2023 9:21:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Audible.com

Mar 22, 2023 9:21:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Audible.com

Mar 22, 2023 9:21:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Both Pema Chodron

Mar 22, 2023 9:21:59 PM Me

Buddhist nun.

Mar 22, 2023 9:22:06 PM +13038752587

I like Pema

Mar 22, 2023 9:22:06 PM Me

She’s same age as my parents

Mar 22, 2023 9:22:22 PM +13038752587

Only know a little about her

Mar 22, 2023 9:22:35 PM Me

She had a hard life early on

Mar 22, 2023 9:23:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I really like her recorded sanghas, so good.

Mar 22, 2023 9:23:46 PM Me

Also, this man who passed away not long ago:

Mar 22, 2023 9:23:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nh

Mar 22, 2023 9:24:09 PM Me

His talks are amazing

Mar 22, 2023 9:24:29 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

I have read one of hos books and listened to him - very good

Mar 22, 2023 9:25:33 PM Me

A guy I know who used to live in Ojai was/is a student of his for many many years. Maybe back to the late 90’s. He went to many retreats with him and sat in on many sanghas

Mar 22, 2023 9:26:04 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Can you get together with this guy?

Mar 22, 2023 9:26:17 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I bet you could have some good talks

Mar 22, 2023 9:26:21 PM Me

I think he moved up norther CA somewhere

Mar 22, 2023 9:26:42 PM Me

He did move away tho. He’s married and a couple kids about the same age as mine

Mar 22, 2023 9:26:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Do you know his name?

Mar 22, 2023 9:27:04 PM Me

I did reach out to him online a while back but did not hear from him

Mar 22, 2023 9:27:14 PM Me

Kenley Neufeld

Mar 22, 2023 9:27:25 PM +13038752587

Try again

Mar 22, 2023 9:27:52 PM +13038752587

He may have gotten busy - it happens to the best of us 😀

Mar 22, 2023 9:28:03 PM Me

Yeah, should. I have lots I need to do. I’ve been somewhat numb. Anything outside of work I have like, zero energy.

Mar 22, 2023 9:28:11 PM Me

Anyhow, taking dog on walk now.

Mar 22, 2023 9:28:26 PM Me

Listen to poems books and maybe go do bed. Not sure.

Mar 22, 2023 9:28:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

While I have you

Mar 22, 2023 9:28:38 PM Me

One thin

Mar 22, 2023 9:28:45 PM +13038752587

Have a good walk. A good listen.

Mar 22, 2023 9:28:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You never replied about me getting on that app

Mar 22, 2023 9:29:02 PM Me

and connecting with others, the ladies

Mar 22, 2023 9:29:42 PM Me

It would be excellent distraction. And I can be very discrete

Mar 22, 2023 9:29:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll likely be NOT in Ojai if I were to meet up.

Mar 22, 2023 9:30:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been in this pit for nearly 3 years. Living like a monk

Mar 22, 2023 9:31:39 PM Me

I can of course, continue to deny myself that pursuit, and push onward but that is how I’ve been living — kinda sucks if I’m honest

Mar 22, 2023 9:31:58 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

My only thought is Is it in conflict with you goal of reconciliation with Liz? I understand the desire

Mar 22, 2023 9:32:20 PM Me

I don’t think there is reconciliation

Mar 22, 2023 9:32:25 PM Me

Not the way I want it

Mar 22, 2023 9:32:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe sometime in the future, but not now

Mar 22, 2023 9:33:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe if I’m out getting laid she’ll notice

Mar 22, 2023 9:33:57 PM Me

The prospect of getting laid might be the only thing that keeps me alive

Mar 22, 2023 9:34:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

You and the whole male segment of the human race 😉

Mar 22, 2023 9:34:13 PM Me

Its been YEARS

Mar 22, 2023 9:34:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Embarrassed to admit

Mar 22, 2023 9:34:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

You and the whole male segment of the human race 😉
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 22, 2023 9:35:04 PM Me

As one of my mentors from long ago, Jimmy Higgins, used to say, “Son, you got to USE IT OR LOST IT!”

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Mar 22, 2023 9:35:18 PM Me

Lose it

Mar 22, 2023 9:35:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not lost

Mar 22, 2023 9:36:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Sit with the question in a silent meditation. Trust your voice when it speaks to you.

Mar 22, 2023 9:38:01 PM Me

What ?

Mar 22, 2023 9:38:19 PM Me

The Liz question? About reconciliation

Mar 22, 2023 9:38:32 PM +13038752587

No - the app

Mar 22, 2023 9:39:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K. I had 3 more women ping my photo. Curiosity is HUGE

Mar 22, 2023 9:39:47 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Remember, I’m here of you need to talk.

Mar 22, 2023 9:40:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Mar 22, 2023 9:40:08 PM Me

Heading out

Mar 22, 2023 9:40:11 PM +13038752587

Off to bed now.

Mar 22, 2023 9:40:22 PM Me

K

Mar 22, 2023 9:40:32 PM Me

g nnite

Mar 22, 2023 9:40:41 PM +13038752587

Good night 🌙

Mar 22, 2023 9:49:41 PM Me

I’m going to end up with a nasty disregard for Liz. It’s going to make things in the future very difficult when there are weddings or other parent things need to happen. I will not able to bring my self to speak with her, or even within her presence as in the same room

Mar 22, 2023 9:50:04 PM Me

I’m being treated badly

Mar 22, 2023 9:50:28 PM Me

I would never do this to her, if roles were reversed

Mar 22, 2023 11:13:24 PM Me

I suddenly feel like a sucker for sitting around for years, waiting to go into session and talk about our relationship. Did I really just waste two years of my life? I can’t get my head around that. Was she just gonna dump divorce right away? or did she and I didn’t hear it? Or maybe she was afraid of me blowing my top because I was still not stable.

Mar 22, 2023 11:14:22 PM Me

I thought the idea was after those first sessions that I was going to give Liz time and space and that we were going to come back and go into session. And we go in the session and she’s divorced no compromise right from the start. Can you help me understand that?

Mar 23, 2023 12:37:52 AM Me

Last sentence

Mar 23, 2023 8:31:51 PM Me

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Mar 24, 2023 7:58:46 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

5 planets are visible in the sky the nest few nights

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Mar 24, 2023 3:26:56 PM Me

Mar 24, 2023 4:09:03 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 11 seconds) Me

Spotify

Mar 24, 2023 7:58:46 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

5 planets are visible in the sky the nest few nights

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Mar 24, 2023 8:00:22 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 24, 2023 8:00:22 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

We wont be seeing it tonight

Mar 24, 2023 8:00:23 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

In Steamboat with Barry and Laurie

Mar 24, 2023 8:04:31 PM Me

I saw one of them right next to the moon last night when the sun was setting. I see the moon right now, but not the planet yet it’s not late enough and not dark

Mar 24, 2023 8:08:29 PM +13038752587

Everything but Saturn Neptune

Mar 24, 2023 8:08:39 PM +13038752587

Mar 24, 2023 8:08:54 PM +13038752587

This is for Santa Barbara area

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Mar 24, 2023 8:18:37 PM Me

I thought a bit about what you said regarding the app. I am really torn between meeting new people and at least while I am still in the house before moving out. The idea of holding out. Hope the idea that maybe once she sees that it’s really happening, and it becomes more real for her and that I am going to leave. Perhaps things will change If I were to use the app tonight, I could most likely have a date set up for tomorrow. I have received at least another half dozen notifications that someone has liked my profile when someone likes your profile that means if you like their profile, there is a match. At that point the woman has to make the first move and reach out if she’s interested.

Mar 24, 2023 8:19:52 PM Me

If I start setting updates, I’m not sure if that helps or hurts my cause. An anecdotal share is that who is was heard to have said in a conversation with friends, that if I was with another woman, it would turn her on. I was thinking that’s an invitation to a threesome. 😁 hahaha

Mar 24, 2023 8:21:56 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 38 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Threesome - there is something for the bucket list 😁

Mar 24, 2023 8:21:56 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 38 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Threesome - there is something for the bucket list 😁
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 24, 2023 8:22:33 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Off to movie time

Mar 24, 2023 8:22:45 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check text befor me bed

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Mar 24, 2023 8:23:14 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

See if you can see the 5 planets in the sky at the same time

Mar 24, 2023 8:25:45 PM Me

K

Mar 24, 2023 8:27:20 PM Me

Listening

Mar 24, 2023 8:27:23 PM Me

Audible.com

Mar 24, 2023 8:27:42 PM Me

Pema Chodron

Mar 24, 2023 8:34:32 PM Me

Mar 24, 2023 8:35:09 PM Me

I think that might be Venus below the sun straight down just a tick to right

Mar 25, 2023 10:23:15 AM Me

Every day I wake up crying. I’m being forced into a life I don’t want. I’ve spent my entire life getting my life to this point and I don’t want to change tracks. Why is it I have to be forced into something I don’t want an order for Liz to get what she wants? Liz has always gotten what she wants in this relationship, Whereas I have not. When is it my turn to get my way in this relationship?

Mar 25, 2023 10:24:03 AM Me

I see a dark future for me when I meditate on it. A future I have no interest in pursuing or living in.

Mar 25, 2023 10:24:51 AM Me

I’ll wait to see Darragh graduate and then I’ll decide whether I live or die

Mar 25, 2023 10:25:15 AM Me

It’s my life and if I want it over, that is my choice

Mar 25, 2023 10:26:04 AM Me

I can check out on my terms, fuck everyone and everything that says otherwise

Mar 25, 2023 10:28:17 AM Me

The amount of pain being placed on me to carry for the rest of my life it’s totally fucking unacceptable. I already have to work with my mental proclivities and have ZERO interest n carting her pain around.

Mar 25, 2023 10:29:15 AM Me

Living vs Not is what I’m thinking about.

Mar 25, 2023 10:31:31 AM Me

Again, I am being forced into a life I do not want to live.

Mar 25, 2023 5:40:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I now have AAA car insurance and waiting to sign the docs on my new car. I’ll have it soon. Very excited to get an electric car and drive by gas stations 😊

Mar 25, 2023 5:40:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Docs will be finalized on Monday and the car will start the delivery/moving process. Should have it in 4-8 days

Mar 25, 2023 5:41:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You can “track it” like a dominoes pizza 😊

Mar 25, 2023 6:35:35 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 17 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Congratulations!

Mar 25, 2023 8:53:48 PM ⇲ Me

Thanks!

Mar 25, 2023 8:53:24 PM Me

Mar 25, 2023 8:53:48 PM ⇱ Me

Thanks!
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 26, 2023 12:13:00 AM Me

I have all my shit out of the closet

Mar 28, 2023 9:31:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

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Mar 28, 2023 1:57:34 PM Me

Twitter

Mar 28, 2023 1:59:59 PM Me

Twitter

Mar 30, 2023 9:15:04 AM Me

Feeling done with life. I have not felt happiness, or joy in over 3 years. my present situation, and how it will carry into the future is going to be persistent. I know myself well enough to know that I will never be able to let it go. I just realized that this is my way of being now, persistent sadness. I keep trying to let sadness go or escape it, but there is no escaping it because it is what it is for me. There is no escape. This is my life from here forward, sadness, persistent, inescapable sadness as my baseline.

Mar 30, 2023 9:15:34 AM You unsent a message.

Mar 30, 2023 10:52:32 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

What did you I send

Mar 30, 2023 10:52:49 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

*unsend

Mar 30, 2023 11:38:51 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Speech to text got my words totally wrong

Mar 30, 2023 11:39:35 AM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

Ah

Mar 30, 2023 11:40:23 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Has the cloud lifted?

Mar 30, 2023 11:41:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not really

Mar 30, 2023 11:42:15 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I’m still getting kicked out of the house, my family and my marriage. Not sure I’ll ever get over this

Mar 30, 2023 11:42:45 AM Me

I’m headed to hermitdom

Mar 30, 2023 11:44:27 AM Me

Only come out to go to the store, that’s about it. I have no interest in engaging with people. Every time I’m in public I am harshly reminded and triggered constantly seeing happy couples, or any couples together for that matter. Its painful and causes incredible suffering every time I’m outside.

Mar 30, 2023 11:47:16 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

You are only seeing the surface of couples and then layering on a story if that’s looks nice and also drawing a comparison

Mar 30, 2023 11:44:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can’t walk around blind, so don’t walk around

Mar 30, 2023 11:45:30 AM Me

I have to take action to end the suffering – if that means living in a mental and “physical” cave then so be it.

Mar 30, 2023 11:48:16 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Nonsense - you have done too much work. There is a bright sunshiny day waiting for you

Mar 30, 2023 11:46:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Living like a hermit, or don’t live at all is what I’m deciding

Mar 30, 2023 11:47:16 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

You are only seeing the surface of couples and then layering on a story if that’s looks nice and also drawing a comparison
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2023 11:47:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I distract myself with work, meditation, hiking, but whenever I sit with the hard feelings and emotions the suffering is never ending—day after day, week after week, year after year.

Mar 30, 2023 11:49:56 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

I believe this is the first tenant of Bhuddism 😀

Mar 30, 2023 11:48:16 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Nonsense - you have done too much work. There is a bright sunshiny day waiting for you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2023 11:49:56 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

I believe this is the first tenant of Bhuddism 😀
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2023 11:50:27 AM Me

No, I’m sorry I disagree. I have done a great deal of work to uncover a lot. There are things I cannot change about me or my situation and that’s life. I’m headed in a direction I DONT WISH TO GO — I’M BEING FORCED TO WALK THE PLANK OF MY LIFE

Mar 30, 2023 11:51:26 AM Me

I’ve brought this upon myself. I never wanted it, but its here and I have to live with it. No one else has to live with this feeling.

Mar 30, 2023 11:52:01 AM Me

I have to live with this feeling and experience FOREVER. Its not going to go away or disappear from my life. Part of the permanent record

Mar 30, 2023 11:54:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I will never see this as opportunity or new beginning or anything other than a massive failure on my part. I know It takes two to tango — however I know and own my part in it.

Mar 30, 2023 11:54:55 AM Me

K, need to work so I can stop crying and dwelling

Mar 30, 2023 11:57:19 AM Me

I osscilate all day between work and distraction to being reminded that my life is incredibly FUCKED. There is no forgiveness or mercy for me and there never will be — that is what I have come to learn. My own forgiveness and mercy doesn’t cut it. I’ve forgiven myself dozens of times these past three years. Pain and suffering are ever present. my life sucks I hate it I really want to to end

Mar 30, 2023 1:29:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Forgiveness or mercy from who?

Mar 30, 2023 12:02:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The only thing I’ve been able to depend on these past 3 years is suffering. It’s here every day, all day no matter what I do. Meditate, sleep well, eat well, exercise, etc. nothing is making anything LESS hurtful. The volume on my suffering has only gone up over time. I’m already bearing the burden of my depression and mental illness and trying to stand back up on my feet and now being asked to carry the burden of a failed marriage and broken family thru the rest of my life… I can’t carry my burden and what she’s passing off to me — its too much to contend with

Mar 30, 2023 1:35:16 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 12 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Who says you have to carry it? —— You have not failed your marriage in my opinion. In fact I think there is much confusion about marriage -“judging” it as a success or failure is not appropriate

Mar 30, 2023 12:03:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can carry a lot, but I can’t carry that

Mar 30, 2023 1:09:38 PM Me

Retail therapy

Mar 30, 2023 1:09:42 PM Me

Bought a car

Mar 30, 2023 1:38:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

When the car arrive

Mar 30, 2023 1:09:50 PM Me

Just bought this for the car

Mar 30, 2023 1:09:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Crutchfield

Mar 30, 2023 1:10:14 PM Me

SUBWOOFER

Mar 30, 2023 1:29:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Forgiveness or mercy from who?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2023 1:35:16 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 12 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Who says you have to carry it? —— You have not failed your marriage in my opinion. In fact I think there is much confusion about marriage -“judging” it as a success or failure is not appropriate
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2023 1:38:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

When the car arrive
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2023 3:00:38 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Not sure of exact date yet

Mar 30, 2023 3:00:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

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Mar 30, 2023 3:00:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Freaky

Mar 30, 2023 3:37:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Trying to work, but a future I dont want to be in is in front of me. I dont want what’s coming. There is no ‘going forward’ with that

Mar 30, 2023 3:41:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can put my mind in other places — a skill I learned by meditating. When I put it to the future, deep future not near… its not what I want, and what I want I can’t have.

Mar 30, 2023 3:54:40 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

You can’t have it right now.

Mar 30, 2023 3:55:10 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

The future is unfolding and malleable

Mar 30, 2023 3:55:52 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I’m watching Scotti at trees tonight solo. Let’s chat

Mar 30, 2023 5:26:01 PM Me

I’m actually headed out about 6 o’clock to check out the Ventura dart league tonight. I’m gonna see if it’s worth going every week because it’s a big commitment of time and driving.

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Mar 30, 2023 5:26:27 PM Me

Planning on staying may be an hour and then head back. I should be home about nine-ish. Not sure if you’ll be up or not.

Mar 30, 2023 5:41:10 PM +13038752587

Let’s plan a talk tomorrow- what’s your schedule in the morning? Got a good bug right now that my body is defeating, so off to bed around 9 my time, if I make it until then. I’m not taking any medication until bedtime- let my immune system kick but- then a little help so I get a good nights sleep

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Mar 30, 2023 5:41:45 PM Me

I have a meeting from 9 AM to 930 but otherwise my day is open just working and maybe for a hike if the weather is decent

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Mar 30, 2023 5:42:42 PM +13038752587

I’ll text you around 10 pst

Mar 30, 2023 5:43:05 PM Me

Ok

Mar 31, 2023 10:01:30 AM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call in 10m

Mar 31, 2023 10:46:27 AM Me

I was in my only meeting of the day when you called. When you texted last night and said 10 Pacific I thought it was Pacific it was 10 your time. 🙂

Mar 31, 2023 10:49:33 AM +13038752587

It was - my feverish brain was off

Mar 31, 2023 10:49:46 AM +13038752587

Heading to store - bb in 30m

Mar 31, 2023 10:49:51 AM Me

K

Mar 31, 2023 12:13:44 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Moving slow today - I have to pick up Willow at and call you when driving

Mar 31, 2023 12:13:56 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

At 2pm my time

Mar 31, 2023 12:39:43 PM Me

K

Mar 31, 2023 7:05:28 PM Me

Finished yesterday

Mar 31, 2023 7:05:34 PM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/B0BR5X523V?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow

Mar 31, 2023 7:06:00 PM Me

Started today

Mar 31, 2023 7:06:00 PM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/1645470091?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow

Mar 31, 2023 7:06:23 PM Me

And this is next

Mar 31, 2023 7:06:29 PM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/B002V8LHX8?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow

Mar 31, 2023 11:26:14 PM Me

There was an excellent section of the book today while I was hiking, and it spoke to the idea that every moment you are in is its own brief life. So when you look at things in the past, those are events that both were born and then died so that they had a temporal existence. And by looking at events or experiences and then your life as if they have a beginning and an end... conditions your mind to the idea of impermanence and, in the future, will make passing on a little easier. It conditions your mind to the idea that nothing is permanent, as sad as that is. Tears in my eyes as I say that. And at that moment, as I say that I am born, I die simultaneously as the moment ends. Because I am not the same person at this moment that I was five minutes ago when I said that thing, and I was feeling all that emotion. It’s shifting the mindset to being Alive and then dying and then being reborn again. Please do not be worried; I'm not talking about being born again. It’s more an idea in an exercise for the mind to accept impermanence

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Apr 04, 2023 1:15:58 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 35 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

How was Darts? On Sunday

Apr 04, 2023 1:16:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 35 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

A spring storm

Apr 04, 2023 1:16:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 04, 2023 2:51:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Darts was great. Nice people and some very good players.

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Apr 04, 2023 2:52:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One guy, Tim, is from the UK and a past professional

Apr 05, 2023 10:17:31 AM Me

I'm not doing well. Waking up crying and falling asleep crying day after day. Woke up to fact that I'm existing and not living. I don't want to be alive anymore. No future

Apr 05, 2023 10:18:53 AM Me

Just existing and I'm done fighting against myself. There is no point in me being alive now.

Apr 05, 2023 11:11:29 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 8 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

There was never a future promised. Just moments that come and go. Am I paraphrasing the book correctly?

Apr 05, 2023 11:16:30 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 3 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

The idea that you are desiring for more is proof that you can have it. What is your definition of “living”?

Apr 05, 2023 1:20:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good point on the first one.

Apr 05, 2023 2:05:09 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) +13038752587

Congratulations 🎉 Google named there AI in your honor 😀

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Apr 05, 2023 2:07:03 PM Me

The definition of living is feeling something other than “awful” or “bad” for the past 800+ days. Being in either of those states for that long isn’t living; it’s existing. Existing is going through the daily motions to get to the end of the day. Existing is living one day at a time with no hope of tomorrow, and no idea if you’ll wake up in the morning. I have a headache and not feeling great physically today—in a meeting with 2 more. Lots of tasks to do and just lots to do period. After my meetings I need to go sit in the sun, or walk in it. Its warm and sunny outside. I know outside and sunshine will do wonders for my state of mind.

Apr 05, 2023 2:07:45 PM Me

My goal is to end the day in a better mindset and accomplish something.

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Apr 07, 2023 2:40:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just sent this to the therapist. Meet with her tomorrow morning at 8am.

Apr 07, 2023 2:40:07 PM Me

Hi Laurie, I just read your message. Apologies for the delay in responding; I see you sent this four days ago. In terms of things with Elizabeth, for me — they are incomplete and unresolved. I am moving forward as promised, but as things stand now, I will not communicate with Elizabeth at all in perpetuity. I have no idea how anything related to the boys will be handed or approached when things come up (graduations, marriage, grandkids?) Right now, I'm of the mindset that if items are left as—is, I will not want to be in her presence. I would not be able to be relaxed and friendly in her presence after being treated this way, not only before but this entire "I want a divorce, no talk, no compromise" stance she's maintained. She doesn't communicate with me now in person or session, so there's not much I can do with someone who continuously ghosts me and acts as if all they want is for me to go away and stop bothering them. For who I've been in my marriage, who I've been as a father and family man, and all I've done for my wife in supporting her dreams to reach Kona — I am genuinely gobsmacked with how I'm being treated. In some ways, it feels like she's held onto decades of shit and is dumping it all at once. She's talked things through with her friends and others and gotten her mindset and stance solid while at the same time not being faithful to her vows and even trying to talk through this challenging time. She appears to have just given up, which is STUNNING for me to experience. This is a woman who will be stopped by nothing; I watched it myself with her training and racing—superhuman mental and physical strength. No Ironman could stop her, but I can. Am I tougher than Ironman, so much that she's given up and thrown in the towel before the race is over?? Truly stunned because it's totally not her personality to give up on ANYTHING. This is part of why this "logically makes zero sense" to me. I'm at the point where I want to ask if she has some romantic interest or is dating or something — I'm just lost on how to move forward mentally and emotionally. Physically I'm still working on getting myself out of the house, but I feel the mental side every day. My body is moving, but my mind is stuck. I look forward to talking tomorrow morning.

Apr 07, 2023 2:43:54 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Solo meeting with her?

Apr 07, 2023 2:46:11 PM Me

Yes

Apr 07, 2023 2:46:45 PM Me

Also, found this enlightening man on Youtube. The algorithm served him up. This 20 min talk spoke to me IMMENSELY:

Apr 07, 2023 2:46:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Apr 07, 2023 2:47:25 PM Me

I recommend listening to him. Dont need to watch, just listen in the background while you fold laundry etc. His words are WISE.

Apr 07, 2023 2:48:15 PM +13038752587

off subject

Apr 07, 2023 2:48:26 PM +13038752587

Did you get your car

Apr 07, 2023 2:48:31 PM Me

Yes

Apr 07, 2023 2:48:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Subwoofer installed

Apr 07, 2023 2:48:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

?

Apr 07, 2023 2:48:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

almost

Apr 07, 2023 2:49:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have to splice wiring next. Have it physically in position

Apr 07, 2023 2:49:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And all wires run thru car - had to somewhat disassemble interior to do it right

Apr 07, 2023 2:49:56 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Nice

Apr 07, 2023 2:50:03 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 41 seconds) +13038752587

How’s it handle

Apr 07, 2023 2:50:28 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 16 seconds) +13038752587

How’s the giddy up and go

Apr 07, 2023 2:51:58 PM Me

Really fast. Makes the boys say WOW out loud

Apr 07, 2023 2:52:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Question for you. I see a couple hundred dollars worth of restaurant bills from this past week. I want to ask who she’s going to dinner with. To weird a question?

Apr 07, 2023 2:52:56 PM +13038752587

Send along a picture

Apr 07, 2023 2:53:21 PM +13038752587

Do you share finances?

Apr 07, 2023 2:53:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She’s been to this restaurant in town twice now in just over a month

Apr 07, 2023 2:53:28 PM Me

A fancy one

Apr 07, 2023 2:53:50 PM Me

Yes, she’s spending money from an account where my checks get deposited _ so yes

Apr 07, 2023 2:54:46 PM Me

My check just took it from $200 to $4700 this TUESDAY. Today I login and its $2600 and I went to the market 3 times in 3 days since I got that money.

Apr 07, 2023 2:55:24 PM Me

She has a fat bill pay that went out $600 (no idea what that debt is)

Apr 07, 2023 2:55:35 PM Me

Plus over $240 in restaurants

Apr 07, 2023 2:55:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s 2 restaurant visits for 240

Apr 07, 2023 2:55:58 PM Me

For one person???

Apr 07, 2023 2:56:14 PM +13038752587

A question - why are you paying for her debt? I though you kept your finances separate

Apr 07, 2023 2:56:43 PM Me

I have an account but it’s not setup for the direct deposit. Going to have to change that now. Hadn’t done it fully yet.

Apr 07, 2023 2:56:48 PM Me

Didnt think Id be here

Apr 07, 2023 2:56:59 PM +13038752587

Possibly for one person - we went out and the kids split a meal, we split a meal, app, 2 margs and the total with tip - 80

Apr 07, 2023 2:57:02 PM Me

My life is all fucked up and I hate it

Apr 07, 2023 2:57:31 PM +13038752587

Does Liz’s check get deposited into that account

Apr 07, 2023 2:57:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Apr 07, 2023 2:58:12 PM Me

I’ll switch over the deposit and move all my bill pay over.

Apr 07, 2023 2:58:38 PM Me

Question is, why the fuck do I have to do all the work like this?? I dont even want the fucking divorce!!

Apr 07, 2023 2:58:59 PM Me

She should have to do all the bill splitting and account bullshit, not me.

Apr 07, 2023 2:59:23 PM Me

Fuck it. I’ll just make the change and let shit fall where it does

Apr 07, 2023 2:59:52 PM Me

She doesn’t communicate so she can have a taste of her own “fuck you” medicine

Apr 07, 2023 3:01:27 PM Me

Therapist has commended me in session with Liz on how gracious and accommodating I’m being for going thru this process. Time to turn off nice, and just be non-plussed.

Apr 07, 2023 3:02:08 PM Me

Flatline on emotions. Maybe if she sees me moving on and not giving a fuck about her she’ll wake up.

Apr 07, 2023 3:02:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, back to work

Apr 07, 2023 8:38:31 PM Me

Tricycle: The Buddhist Review

Apr 07, 2023 8:49:13 PM Me

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Apr 09, 2023 10:19:26 AM Me

Yesterday was very hard mentally and emotionally. Everything is more painful and difficult as time moves on. I fear the day I finally move out. It very well may be the end of my time on Earth. Every time I think about where I’m headed I think about how I don’t want it. There is nothing about moving out and moving forward that is appealing or desirable to me. I’m being forced to go live a life I don’t want to live at all. I know people don’t wanna hear that, but it is the persistent and consistent thought and wine. Space I am in whenever I think about the future and a divorce. If I sign divorce papers, I will not be alive very soon there after and I know this to be true.

Apr 09, 2023 11:32:05 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 27 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry to hear it was a rough day.

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Apr 09, 2023 11:35:37 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 23 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

How do the session with the therapist go?

Apr 09, 2023 7:59:39 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 09, 2023 9:28:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Session with Therapist was good. I did get something out of it. I was able to vent some, and she suggested that I might find an artistic muse inside my suffering and what I’m experiencing.

Apr 09, 2023 9:30:19 PM Me

I see some validity to that. I opened up the new alcohol ink kit I bought a month ago—but its been sitting there—mainly because every evening when I want to do it I’m just too damn exhausted from the energy and focus required for the 6 hours of work.

Apr 09, 2023 9:34:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I got them open and discovered how they appear to work. Really interesting medium—not like watercolor, acrylic, or oils. It’s workable with brushes, but the alcohol can evaporate quickly. Anyhow, going to try it some more tonight. Once I get a feel for the medium it could be quite an expressive result. I was thinking about how best to portray all the flavors and levels to depression. Think of it like the “color wheel”

Apr 09, 2023 9:34:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Last bit.

Apr 09, 2023 9:43:59 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Today was hiking on a trail that is rarely traveled and so overgrown from lack of use and recent rains makes keeping track of the switchback difficult if not near impossible in some places. I ended up missing a switchback and kept going—mind you this is making your way through chest-high sagebrush and assorted tough bushes. I got to a section that was suddenly steep. I had gotten far off trail and it was worthless to walk back the way I came—it was just as thick with brush. Only way wasn’t through, it was up. I had my sticks and proceeded to climb about 30 feet up the side of the mountain. Rocks were slightly exposed among small shrubs and it was tight wire manageable. There were two moments where I lost my balance switching weight between my legs to climb up. Dont know how I didn’t fall backwards, not once, but twice. After the second one I was a bit nerve wracked. The first one was intense but I thought that was it. The second one was a close call. I’m lucky to be sitting home and typing this out to you. I was thinking how lucky I was to avoid a helicopter lift out of the foothills. I was about 1500’ up when it happened. I would not have fallen that far, probably 20 feet or so, but after I hit, I would have likely rolled downhill some more based on where I was. Broken leg, hip, arm, back or all of it — or no mas alive.

Apr 09, 2023 10:19:05 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Whoa 😳

Apr 09, 2023 10:19:25 PM Me

It was good.

Apr 09, 2023 10:20:22 PM Me

Soaked in sweat top of head to feet. Dripping. Was over 70 here today

Apr 09, 2023 10:22:00 PM Me

With my recent return of depression and suicidal ideation it interestingly made the experience both thrilling and weirdly disappointed

Apr 09, 2023 10:24:00 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Did you talk about this with the therapist? The return of depression and suicidal ideation

Apr 09, 2023 10:24:00 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Did you talk about this with the therapist? The return of depression and suicidal ideation
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 09, 2023 10:24:19 PM Me

Yes

Apr 09, 2023 10:25:38 PM Me

Right now it's like surfing 🏄 sets of waves 🌊 I'm all too familiar with. I've been through this twice before with far less experience

Apr 09, 2023 10:26:22 PM Me

I feel knowledgeable and skillful enough to recognize if the sets of waves coming in or changing or are going to be overwhelming

Apr 09, 2023 10:27:11 PM Me

I can tell you this. After you have been through it once, the second time is more than two times harder. Maybe 10 X is more appropriate.

Apr 09, 2023 10:27:30 PM Me

That being said, I am also aware that the third time around could be 100 X so I’m on the lookout

Apr 09, 2023 10:30:54 PM +13038752587

Being aware I imagine is helpful. And the tools and experience don’t make you better at surfing the waves?

Apr 09, 2023 10:31:40 PM ⇲ Me

Yes, without question

Apr 09, 2023 10:32:07 PM ⇲ Me

However, one could get a false sense of security yes, they are not vigilant

Apr 09, 2023 10:31:01 PM Me

All that is to say, I have a lot of experience in this arena. What it is not to say is that given that choice with the proper soup of circumstances, it might be an invitation very hard to turn down. That I do know.

Apr 09, 2023 10:31:40 PM ⇱ Me

Yes, without question
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 09, 2023 10:32:07 PM ⇱ Me

However, one could get a false sense of security yes, they are not vigilant
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 09, 2023 10:32:21 PM Me

yes = if

Apr 09, 2023 10:33:38 PM Me

Had a conversation with Derick today for 15 minutes shy of two hours we talked about a lot of shit. Spent probably half the time talking about me and Liz.

Apr 09, 2023 10:34:46 PM Me

Hes been around since we were married, so knows us both well.

Apr 09, 2023 10:35:02 PM Me

We raised our kids together

Apr 09, 2023 10:35:43 PM Me

And he really has a big brother little sister relationship with Liz. He’s very good at teasing her and annoying the shit out of her all in good humor, of course

Apr 09, 2023 10:36:06 PM Me

He’s also very good at calling her out on her shit

Apr 09, 2023 10:36:23 PM Me

Part of the reason I asked him to talk with her on my behalf, a couple months back

Apr 09, 2023 10:37:33 PM +13038752587

Glad to hear you had a good chat with him

Apr 09, 2023 10:37:50 PM +13038752587

I’m fading into sleep 💤

Apr 09, 2023 10:38:02 PM Me

Got ya

Apr 09, 2023 10:38:14 PM Me

I speak to so few people

Apr 09, 2023 10:38:44 PM Me

It was very sad to admit in therapy with Liz sitting there, the fact that I have no friends here, or in and around Ojai.

Apr 09, 2023 10:39:14 PM Me

The therapist said to me in our one on one session how impressed she was that I was open and admitted that freely. She said that is not something common in men.

Apr 09, 2023 10:40:35 PM Me

Also, in our session yesterday, when I was sharing about some very deep feelings, and I was weeping, incredibly like my eyes were faucets, turned on, yet I was able to continue explaining myself clearly. I noticed at a certain point my therapist was wiping the corners of her eyes. Exactly as if you were catching someone who was trying to clear their eyes of tears before they started coming out

Apr 09, 2023 10:41:36 PM Me

Yeah, made me wonder what about what I was sharing was so powerful to move her to tears?

Apr 09, 2023 10:42:17 PM Me

She was completely professional. Of course, I did not ask her that question, but in that moment it came to mind. I could tell she was keeping her composure and remaining professional, but at the same time I was expressing some really heavy shit.

Apr 09, 2023 10:44:07 PM +13038752587

Sounds like a really good session

Apr 09, 2023 10:44:11 PM Me

The unsaid expression I took away from seeing that from her was, “That poor man, that poor poor man.🥹”

Apr 09, 2023 10:45:05 PM Me

Someone else can see how fucked over I am getting

Apr 09, 2023 10:45:57 PM Me

All I’m trying to do is understand. Literally that’s all I want is to understand why this is happening

Apr 09, 2023 10:46:20 PM Me

I have a lot of Y questions that aren’t answered and remain open

Apr 10, 2023 9:36:17 AM Me

Struggling right out of the gate.

Apr 10, 2023 9:42:39 AM Me

Was just thinking it would be great if my plane were to go down. Then I'm out of this pain. I would go out like J Bert II. He's died in a plane crash in Kentucky flying back out here and is buried out here.

Apr 10, 2023 9:56:06 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Stop 🛑 now. I know right now you are dealing with “heavy” life situations. What if they actually did not carry the “heavy” meaning or judgement and instead were just things? And you could assign any meaning to them…? And you could decide how you want to feel about each situation? Good news you can 😀! You have the power! You have the experience! You have the tools! & You know how to use them 🚀

Apr 10, 2023 10:00:17 AM Me

I do.

Apr 10, 2023 10:00:24 AM Me

But I’m tired

Apr 10, 2023 10:00:52 AM Me

Tired of working hard just to stay tethered for the last 3 years.

Apr 10, 2023 10:01:34 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Haven’t felt true happiness or lasting joy (more than 5 mins) longer than that—maybe going on 5. Years.

Apr 10, 2023 10:02:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Since 2018, before we went into deep covid times—was deeply depressed, unmanaged and was precursor to covid hole I fell into

Apr 10, 2023 10:02:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Simply put — I’m tired of being alive

Apr 10, 2023 10:04:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

In “God Save the Queen” by the Sex Pistols, there is a line they repeat over and over and over… “NO FUTURE, NO FUTURE, NO FUTURE FOR YOU!!!”

Apr 10, 2023 10:05:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel that intensely — and the riff is an ear worm that’s stuck in my head most days

Apr 10, 2023 10:06:27 AM Me

Just feel futureless

Apr 10, 2023 10:06:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont get to have the future I want.

Apr 10, 2023 10:08:38 AM Me

K, need to switch into work — meetings, lots. Then rest of day is errands and getting ready to leave late tonight. Going to sleep in my car until my 4am check-in for a 5am flight instead of waking up here at 3am and racing to the airport really stressed. Will be farthest I’ve driven the electric one way - 48 miles each way.

Apr 10, 2023 10:09:24 AM Me

Plus if the car craps on me I can get a tow, and then an Uber to the airport late at night.

Apr 10, 2023 10:11:50 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

The Marginalian

Apr 10, 2023 10:24:44 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 14 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Where are you going?

Apr 10, 2023 4:58:14 PM Me

North Carolina.

Apr 10, 2023 4:58:39 PM Me

I just had a wicked mind, an emotional shift, and suddenly experiencing massive amounts of sadness and anxiety

Apr 10, 2023 4:59:07 PM Me

I’m just tired of the shit. It’s every day and it doesn’t stop.

Apr 10, 2023 4:59:29 PM Me

And for the record, I’m talking years of every day not like a couple weeks or maybe a month almost 3 fucking years

Apr 10, 2023 5:00:45 PM Me

In some respects, it feels like nobody fucking believes me and nobody believes me and how fucking hard this is with coming out of depression and get kicked right back in

Apr 10, 2023 5:01:10 PM Me

It’s fucked up that the only Joy I see is in being dead

Apr 10, 2023 5:02:57 PM Me

I’m anxious because I know all week, I am going to have to generate incredible amounts of energy to maintain and sustain a mask of happiness. The last thing I want to do is to have people knowing I’m depressed

Apr 10, 2023 5:03:32 PM Me

And I won’t have the creature comforts of walking and hiking in the hills

Apr 10, 2023 5:04:18 PM Me

Also, the brain gave me a flash forward, so that when I’m leaving for the airport, my brain wants me to pretend that I’m leaving the house forever. As painful as that fucking is in some ways to prepare me for that day because it’s gonna be so fucking hard.

Apr 10, 2023 11:34:43 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Hey - be kind to yourself.

Apr 10, 2023 11:36:22 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Ondrei came into to town today unannounced- on his way to Washington from Texas. Lilly has been having issues going to sleep

Apr 10, 2023 11:38:05 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll Tex you the n the morning

Apr 10, 2023 11:39:48 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 23 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Breathe deeply often

Apr 11, 2023 1:04:27 AM Me

I am getting in the car as I talk into my microphone and wanted to say that I am on my way to Santa Barbara Airport to catch my 5 AM flight. Going to sleep in the car until 4 AM or 345. My flight leaves at 5 AM Pacific.

Apr 11, 2023 5:51:14 AM Me

On my plane. Lots of emotions in this past day. I'm exhausted and just taking off. Apologise for the flood of crazy texts. I'm not very good at this. Whatever “this” is.

Apr 11, 2023 8:26:32 AM +13038752587

Safe travels

Apr 11, 2023 8:51:27 AM Me

Apr 11, 2023 8:51:50 AM Me

In Dallas

Apr 11, 2023 8:54:17 AM +13038752587

Having bagels with Todd and Ondrei before they leave

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Liked by Me

Apr 11, 2023 9:00:42 AM +13038752587

How long is your layover

Apr 11, 2023 9:09:59 AM Me

2 hours

Apr 11, 2023 9:10:28 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Time for a movie 🍿

Apr 11, 2023 9:31:05 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Safe travels

Apr 11, 2023 9:32:17 AM Me

Thanks!!

Apr 11, 2023 10:35:57 AM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

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Loved by Me

Apr 11, 2023 4:44:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve heard the phrase “groundless” or “groundlessness” a lot lately in my meditations, etc. Its a key feeling for me. I dont feel grounded at all and its not a nice feeling. I feel detached from life and reality. Have felt this way for some time.

Apr 11, 2023 6:20:31 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

I understand that feeling. We have felt that way sense deciding to sell the house and then keeping it. Adrift in a sea of possibilities.

Apr 11, 2023 7:03:50 PM Me

I like how you phrased that, “possibilities” I don’t deny that there’s possibilities, and I can see some, but when I really think about it, I don’t want that. I don’t want to start over. I don’t wanna work to get to know somebody deeply, and intimately again. It takes a lifetime to develop deep bonds and I don't have the time, besides I don't want to go out in dates and feel awkward. I just don't want that, I want to be with Liz. When I'm out in public I try to imagine myself with someone else, and it's incredibly uncomfortable to the point of public crying. Seeing mature couples together hurts a lot. I see me and Liz, over and over. I'm still in love with her and love her unconditionally.

Apr 11, 2023 7:04:32 PM Me

Anyhow just back from dinner with colleagues and alone in hotel room.

Apr 11, 2023 7:05:52 PM Me

Honestly, when I move out of it the house and I'm all alone, it really may be the very end of me. I fear that day

Apr 11, 2023 7:07:57 PM Me

Last thing I’ll say, is that the groundlessness that you feel is a different feeling than I have. Mine feels a little bit more like getting pushed out of the plane without a parachute.

Apr 11, 2023 7:08:18 PM Me

Or being forced to walk the plank.

Apr 11, 2023 7:09:06 PM Me

I will share some thing that I think you can take to the bank. After I move out, I give myself 12 months or less. I’ll either get over this or I’ll be dead.

Apr 11, 2023 7:11:52 PM Me

And I know you don’t want to hear it or anything, but I truly don’t want to carry on if this is gonna be permanent part of my life. It’s already painful enough as it is right now and it’s not even final. I will be unable to function. I'm barely holding it together. most people in my situation would probably be hospitalized at this point it takes a lot of experience with depression to be able to continue to function in this world, and appear as if nothing is wrong Takes an incredible amount of experience incredible amount of energy and an incredible amount of effort to not let people wonder if you’re depressed

Apr 11, 2023 7:13:44 PM Me

Just got done with the evening crying Going to go to sleep. At least sleeping I'm not conscious to feel the depression

Apr 11, 2023 7:32:10 PM Me

What did I do to deserve this? What did I do? I’m not a mean person, and I don’t know why this is happening to me

Apr 11, 2023 7:34:58 PM Me

I feel like being punished so hard course so incredibly hard that I really am having a hard time finding the will to live. This experience just keeps getting more intense for me, it’s not getting easier. It’s getting harder. typically, I have buckets of optimism, buoying me, but not with Liz’s determination and resolve with regard to this. Just literally going to be the end of me and i know it thousand percent. Everything feels meaningless to me

Apr 11, 2023 8:11:34 PM +13038752587

A thought to let your subconscious ponder while you sleep. What questions can you be asking that empower you?

Apr 11, 2023 8:12:38 PM ⇲ Me

The more

Apr 11, 2023 8:12:56 PM ⇲ Me

Good idea

Apr 11, 2023 8:11:52 PM +13038752587

What is your schedule daily while you are there?

Apr 11, 2023 8:13:46 PM ⇲ Me

8:30am start. Meeting colleagues at 8:15 to head to office 4 blocks away

Apr 11, 2023 8:15:29 PM ⇲ Me

tomorrow night we go to a fancy dinner. Same work schedule on Thurs. Then Fri am i fly back

Apr 11, 2023 8:12:38 PM ⇱ Me

The more
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 11, 2023 8:12:56 PM ⇱ Me

Good idea
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 11, 2023 8:13:46 PM ⇱ Me

8:30am start. Meeting colleagues at 8:15 to head to office 4 blocks away
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 11, 2023 8:15:29 PM ⇱ Me

tomorrow night we go to a fancy dinner. Same work schedule on Thurs. Then Fri am i fly back
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 12, 2023 7:27:52 PM Me

Good day of meetings. My colleagues are very nice. And restaurants are top-notch.

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Apr 12, 2023 7:32:13 PM Me

However as.much fun as I had, I'm in the hotel room crying. I was thinking how much Liz would have liked coming along on this trip. I'm stil in love with her and can't shake it. Even with evset thing said and transpired. I would go back with her yesterday. I don't think I will ever not love her. I never anticipated that we wouldn't be together until death makes us part. This hurts more than that because she's still alive, duh! And I can't be with her

Apr 12, 2023 7:32:42 PM Me

I really hate my situation. There is nothing good about it. It’s nothing but suffering 24/7.

Apr 12, 2023 7:33:53 PM Me

Denied the love and compassion of the human I love more than anyone. And have for 30 years. Nothing u get over quickly if ever.

Apr 12, 2023 7:37:25 PM Me

I'm simply miserable and generating a mask when in public to survive interaction with other humans. All while feeling completely groundless and lost. Projecting confidence and certainty when you feel as deeply depressed as I do is nothing short of a Herculean task. Even more hard than that is doing it without anyone knowing deep down what’s going on for you. It is a hard earned skill over a lifetime of fooling people that you’re OK. In some respects, I wish I could be more honest with people when they ask how is it going? I wish I could say my life is shit right now my wife wants to get rid of me.

Apr 12, 2023 7:37:59 PM Me

I wish I could tell people that I haven’t had a good day in three years, that I haven’t had a feeling of happiness or joy in his long as that or longer. And then I don’t ever know if I will ever feel truly happy again.

Apr 12, 2023 7:39:34 PM Me

I know that in reply, you could say, stop it that is silly. Of course you will be happy again. But after three years? 1050 something days of unhappiness? I think anyone that is going on that long not feeling true happiness has every right to feel like they will never feel it again, Who am I to tell them they will feel it again when I have never sat in their shoes for three years off un fucking happiness.

Apr 12, 2023 7:41:25 PM Me

I’m really close to the point of giving up. As hard as it is for me to say that, I know that I’ve been working my ass off and trying so hard to get shit right. And all the feedback I’ve gotten from all this work is that my wife does not be with me anymore. Which is literally like taking a katana and sticking it through, my chest plate through my heart and out through the back of my spinal column.

Apr 12, 2023 7:42:22 PM Me

All of this work to get clear, to be transparent, and to be honest with my wife has gotten me to a place that I don’t want to be. And I’m at a point in my life where I don’t wanna start my life over. I want to be with her, that was my plan for my life.

Apr 12, 2023 7:44:57 PM Me

I feel like if I can’t be with her, and I can’t be in my family that I’d rather be dead I mean, if you couldn't be with all the people you love, why the fuck would you wanna live anymore? As interesting and instant hammock is all the women in the world might be, I really only want my wife. I don’t think I could ever be comfortable being intimate with another human being honestly. Even if I were to have a divorce, and sign paperwork and make it official. I could not bring myself to be intimate with another woman , I know that sounds fucked up but it’s like my mind won’t let me do it

Apr 12, 2023 7:45:39 PM Me

If it’s just headed your direction I don’t want to go. I don’t see positivity. I don’t see opportunities. I don’t see possibilities. I see nothing but dark negativity and shit I don’t want.

Apr 12, 2023 7:47:43 PM Me

OK, I’m going to try to distract myself with some YouTube. Part of me thinks I shouldn’t do that and I should just sit with my hard emotions all night. Last night I did ask my subconscious to work on those things and I ended up waking up late today and showed up late to my meeting this morning by 45 minutes. so it wasn’t really a great start to my day today. All of this is to say I still feel as fucked up as ever, I know my wife doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I really don’t want what’s coming.

Apr 12, 2023 7:50:34 PM Me

If I live to be 55 years old, I’ll be really surprised - and I’m dead fucking honest about that. If this divorce does materialize legally, I won't be around much longer. I won't be able to live. It's hard enough now with the idea that it’s all coming my way, but when it’s here it’s going to be different for me mentally. I will feel a finality that will convince me that everything is final including me.

Apr 12, 2023 7:53:27 PM Me

Look at it this way, you have so much writing from me and insight into my thinking that this will not seem like it comes out of nowhere when it happens, at least from your perspective. Other people will likely be shocked and saddened to hear that I’m gone, thinking things like he seemed so happy, he had such a good life, and not knowing of all of my suffering. You have an insight into my suffering that not even my mother, my brother, my father, my wife, or really, anyone has. I’ve shared more with you than anyone else. There is no one better suited to explain why I did what I eventually will do. Should things come into reality I don’t want to put that burden on you, but there’s no one else shared as much with And there’s probably nobody who knows my current mindset better. Hell you know more than my counselor or anyone else other than me.

Apr 12, 2023 7:54:45 PM Me

And big picture if I think about leaving earth, it’s not entirely bad, my suffering will be over, and I know my sons will likely feel suffering, but I plan on speaking with them, and communicating with them in ways, so that should things come to pass it will ease Their grief in enormous ways

Apr 12, 2023 7:56:16 PM Me

If I decide to leave, I won’t just leave and not leave a letter or some thing behind explaining why I’ve done what I have done. Unless you felt this kind of suffering, you may not understand the desire to check out. But trust me, I would not entertain this idea lightly if at all.

Apr 12, 2023 7:57:11 PM Me

Right now, today in this moment, the idea of being not alive-is more appealing than being alive

Apr 12, 2023 7:57:27 PM Me

I hate to admit that, but is the truth, and how I feel right now

Apr 12, 2023 7:58:42 PM Me

It’s hard to have that thought be so pervasive, and at the same time hold up a mask to the world that everything is fine. I’ve been doing it for years and I’m tired of pretending I’m OK

Apr 12, 2023 8:12:52 PM +13038752587

You are right that unless people have experienced the level of depression you have, they will not and understandably cannot relate completely.

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Emphasized by Me

Apr 12, 2023 8:15:05 PM Me

Word

Apr 12, 2023 8:15:53 PM +13038752587

I heard you say something a few times throughout this thread… That you want to be with Liz. So, what’s your plan or idea of how to make that possible?

Apr 12, 2023 8:17:05 PM ⇲ Me

I dont have one. Mainly because contending with Elizabeth’s fortitude and determination, not to look fallible is nothing I can compete with.

Apr 12, 2023 8:16:04 PM Me

I’m just getting tired of faking happiness.

Apr 12, 2023 8:17:05 PM ⇱ Me

I dont have one. Mainly because contending with Elizabeth’s fortitude and determination, not to look fallible is nothing I can compete with.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 12, 2023 8:17:36 PM Me

She has a level of commitment to things that is superhuman. That comes from Iron Man.

Apr 12, 2023 8:17:52 PM Me

When she commits, that’s the end of it

Apr 12, 2023 8:18:05 PM Me

At least that’s the woman that I know

Apr 12, 2023 8:18:34 PM Me

Even if she wanted to change her mind, she likely wouldn’t because she wouldn’t want to appear wishy-washy

Apr 12, 2023 8:18:40 PM +13038752587

I don’t think you need to fake happiness 24/7. And, you also can’t be all doom and gloom. You could let people just know your dealing with relationship shit and sometimes it sucks

Apr 12, 2023 8:19:46 PM Me

I could do that. You are absolutely correct. However, what do I do when I’m sitting in a meeting and suddenly have to cry? Or I met a restaurant and I suddenly have to cry? If I don’t mask, people would be very disturbed by me, and to be in my presence.

Apr 12, 2023 8:20:42 PM Me

It would be very unsettling for non-neurodivergent, and non-human suffering people to witness me fall apart in the middle of the day, without any seeming trigger to be about.

Apr 12, 2023 8:21:23 PM Me

And simultaneously their reaction would provoke an additional trigger beyond my depressive suffering of embarrassment, and societal shunning of behavior in public places of a severe’s personal nature

Apr 12, 2023 8:22:14 PM Me

I just summarize, if I “let it all hang out“ I will keep people at a distance, because it is uncomfortable to be in my presence when I am suffering deeply

Apr 12, 2023 8:23:27 PM Me

For example, when I got back to the hotel room tonight, I cried for about 30 minutes because I had been holding it in all day. When I am working at home alone, and I get the thoughts and triggers in my head, I am able to step outside for five minutes let it all out, and then regain my composure and carry-on with the day. I’m not afford that option when I’m in the presence of my colleagues for over 12 hours.

Apr 12, 2023 8:25:02 PM Me

This could be a byproduct of me, just holding it in all day and letting it all out at once, whereas I’ve not had this cycle of meetings in person which caused me to withhold. Typically when I’m working with my colleagues, I only see them in 30 minute snippets. Then, after our meeting, I am able to step away and deal with my Neuro divergence as necessary.

Apr 12, 2023 8:25:34 PM Me

Things just feel more acute

Apr 12, 2023 8:27:59 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I agree you can’t suddenly melt in public. And if you need a break take 5-10mins. Bathroom, check with the boys, get some fresh air

Apr 12, 2023 8:29:31 PM Me

And thank you for acknowledging the fact that you can’t know my mindset, because you’ve not experienced depression as deeply as I have. You would be surprised, or maybe not, and how contrite, belittling, or downright unfeeling some peoples comments can be when sharing about depression. I’ve had people say to me, well, you just need to stop thinking about it l, That to me or to anyone suffering from severe depression is so incredibly insulting it’s not even funny. If it was that goddamn easy to not feel depressed, simply by not focusing on it, do you think there would be very many depressed people in our world?

Apr 12, 2023 8:30:33 PM Me

My father is actually someone who told me I just need to cheer up and not think about depressing things, and that was somehow supposed to magically make me feel better, when I found it to be who won of the most insulting and infuriating things I’ve ever heard as a depressed person

Apr 12, 2023 8:31:11 PM Me

I mean, I’m on three different depression, medication’s, and do counseling, yet I’m still struggling deeply with this

Apr 12, 2023 8:31:22 PM Me

And I meditate the shit out of my brain

Apr 12, 2023 8:34:07 PM +13038752587

Depression is very misunderstood. It is not really talked about. It’s also an illness that is not visible (like, being in a wheelchair). Actually, people wheelchair bound should just shift their focus and get up and walk.

Apr 12, 2023 8:34:15 PM Me

It’s not as if I’m not doing the work, or trying to be better, and complaining about my depressed life. I’m getting counseling, I am on medication and continuously check in with my provider, I’m doing all the things I didn’t do in Covid times when I was severely depressed. The only difference now is that nothing seems to be getting better. Even with all the work and medication, I still feel as deep depression. However, . The only difference now is that nothing seems to be getting better. Even with all the work and medication, I still feel as deep depression,. However, I’m not self-medicating in Lou of professional care, and that does indeed make a big difference. But I have found out that even with good care and advisement that one can still feel and think these corrosive thoughts

Apr 12, 2023 8:34:40 PM +13038752587

The ridiculousness of that statement is what you are describing

Apr 12, 2023 8:35:57 PM ⇲ Me

Can you explain that? I am sorry. In some sense for asking. I feel stupid honestly because I don’t get what you’re trying to convey.

Apr 12, 2023 8:36:36 PM ⇲ +13038752587

The wheelchair comment

Apr 12, 2023 8:34:51 PM Me

I can understand how someone who’s getting care could still decide to check out. I know it because I can feel it in my body and in my mind.

Apr 12, 2023 8:35:57 PM ⇱ Me

Can you explain that? I am sorry. In some sense for asking. I feel stupid honestly because I don’t get what you’re trying to convey.
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Apr 12, 2023 8:36:32 PM Me

Do you mean that it sounds ridiculous that you could be under all this treatment yet still feel kind of the same as you did without treatment?

Apr 12, 2023 8:36:36 PM ⇱ +13038752587

The wheelchair comment
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 12, 2023 8:37:13 PM Me

Huh did I talk about wheelchairs? Am I losing my mind that bad?

Apr 12, 2023 8:37:25 PM +13038752587

I did

Apr 12, 2023 8:37:31 PM +13038752587

Scroll up

Apr 12, 2023 8:39:15 PM +13038752587

Depression is very misunderstood. It is not really talked about. It’s also an illness that is not visible (like, being in a wheelchair). Actually, people wheelchair bound should just shift their focus and get up and walk.

Apr 12, 2023 8:39:16 PM Me

Yeah, I didn’t see that when you sent it. I think I was busy talking into my phone when that showed up. You were absolutely correct that is the able bodied and able minded mindset. When you do not suffer from mental illness or a physical impairment of course it seems easy to just buck up and pull up your bootstraps and get on with it. Believe me, as someone who is clinically diagnosed with more than one mental illness, I didn’t tell you that if all it took was my concentration and willpower to get rid of this and I could somehow package that and sell it to people I’d be a fucking gazillion air

Apr 12, 2023 8:40:18 PM Me

It’s really condescending when able minded people mock you for your inability to overcome what you’re suffering with

Apr 12, 2023 8:40:53 PM Me

And in most cases, it’s completely unintentional, and they believe they are being kind. However, it’s just hurtful and rude. They should just keep their fucking mouths shut.

Apr 12, 2023 8:41:19 PM +13038752587

I have to get Lilly to sleep

Apr 12, 2023 8:41:24 PM Me

k

Apr 12, 2023 8:41:33 PM Me

Cute picture of her and Andre by the way

Apr 12, 2023 8:41:34 PM +13038752587

She keeps escaping the bedroom

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Apr 12, 2023 8:41:39 PM Me

ondrei

Apr 12, 2023 8:41:55 PM Me

She’s a little Houdini

Apr 12, 2023 8:42:22 PM Me

I totally get it go get her to bed. I’m gonna crash and I will text you tomorrow at some point.

Apr 12, 2023 8:42:48 PM Me

After the meetings tomorrow, all my colleagues take off and fly out however, I am staying the night and flying out Friday morning. Otherwise I would end up sleeping on the floor in an airport to get my flight Friday morning.

Apr 12, 2023 8:42:49 PM +13038752587

Get the best sleep you can. Set three alarms and request a wake up call( they still do them I believe)

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Apr 12, 2023 8:43:54 PM Me

Thanks for reading my brain dump. And thanks for not getting too freaked out about what I shared. I appreciate that you didn’t seem to get to tweaked out.

Apr 12, 2023 8:44:37 PM Me

I think and feel everything I shared, but me actually taking those actions still seem far off and somewhat impossible to me

Apr 12, 2023 8:44:59 PM Me

gnite

Apr 12, 2023 8:46:11 PM +13038752587

❤️

Apr 13, 2023 9:22:31 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 2 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Message from Gary V today I hope todays a really amazing day for you and remember ... you're capable of a lot more than most think ... including yourself ❤️🧡

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Apr 13, 2023 2:29:34 PM Me

“Youre braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” — AA Milne, Winnie the Pooh

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Apr 13, 2023 2:30:22 PM Me

Me and the product team at the end of our 2 day session.

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Apr 13, 2023 3:19:05 PM Me

It was literally printed on the wall outside our conference room

Apr 13, 2023 3:23:06 PM Me

FYI, my anxiety right now is very high😳 Not feeling very well.

Apr 13, 2023 3:23:32 PM Me

Waiting to have a final talk with the VP and then heading to the hotel because I need to cry

Apr 13, 2023 3:25:51 PM Me

I'm having a hard time dealing with existence. I get triggered by a lot of things that never used to bother me. Primarily Hass to do with seeing happy couples and happy people. I know not everyone is happy, but those people that are publicly displaying their happiness. It’s hard to avoid seeing and it’s triggering because it’s some thing I used to have and I haven’t had it in a long time and it hurts every time I see it.

Apr 13, 2023 3:28:02 PM Me

Apr 13, 2023 3:38:20 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Feeling incredible groundlessness and fake reality right now — by product of anxiety

Apr 13, 2023 3:38:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One of my least favorite feelings, the fake reality. Feels like you’re inside a movie or TV show and nothing is real.

Apr 13, 2023 3:39:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

All the while having incredibly high anxiety.

Apr 13, 2023 4:46:14 PM Me

Just told the VP about what's going on with my life. He had some hard performance questions about my work thus far and was digging to understand what's going on with me. Anyhow, feeling like I might get shitcanned now.

Apr 13, 2023 4:47:36 PM Me

Just got incredible amount of pressure put on me to deliver work on Monday/Tuesday

Apr 13, 2023 4:47:53 PM Me

It basically has to kick ass or I'm toast

Apr 13, 2023 4:48:37 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What exactly did he say about work to date?

Apr 13, 2023 4:48:41 PM Me

If I lose this opportunity at working here. I truly have no idea what the fuck I will do

Apr 13, 2023 4:49:05 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Telll that thought to get the fuck out of here

Apr 13, 2023 4:49:25 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 47 seconds) +13038752587

A phrase from Andy Dooley

Apr 13, 2023 4:51:19 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

I wish

Apr 13, 2023 4:51:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It ratcheted my anxiety.

Apr 13, 2023 4:51:37 PM Me

I broke down crying in front on him

Apr 13, 2023 4:51:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Fucking embarrassing

Apr 13, 2023 4:52:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I told him I’m going through divorce stuff and lots my shit — super triggering for me. It was 10 mins ago and still wiping tears away.

Apr 13, 2023 4:52:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My life really sucks

Apr 13, 2023 4:52:46 PM Me

I’m going back to the hotel to cry for the night.

Apr 13, 2023 4:53:13 PM Me

My anxiety and depression are off the charts right now, 😬

Apr 13, 2023 4:53:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, going to walk to hotel now. I’ll ping when I’m there.

Apr 13, 2023 5:27:34 PM Me

Back at hotel

Apr 13, 2023 5:28:39 PM Me

There's an Irish pub called Finnegans Wake

Apr 13, 2023 5:28:48 PM Me

I might just go check it out and have a beer and then come back

Apr 13, 2023 5:29:10 PM Me

I got my Uber ready for tomorrow morning at 4:45 AM pick up for the airport

Apr 13, 2023 5:29:38 PM Me

I was just thinking now I don’t have to pray for my marriage to stay together, but I also have to pray that I don’t lose this job

Apr 13, 2023 5:31:44 PM Me

Really feels like no matter what I do. I fuck up now.

Apr 13, 2023 5:33:31 PM Me

I just reached 700 days of meditating

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Apr 13, 2023 5:51:16 PM Me

More alone and feeling lost and groundless

Apr 13, 2023 5:52:27 PM Me

Pervasive feeling is that whatever I touch breaks or turns to shit

Apr 13, 2023 8:20:36 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The facts don’t support that statement

Apr 13, 2023 5:55:18 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Out to dinner - I’ll reply later

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Apr 13, 2023 6:04:35 PM Me

Apr 13, 2023 8:20:05 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Cool looking bar

Apr 13, 2023 8:20:36 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The facts don’t support that statement
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 13, 2023 8:25:32 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Can you give me the facts about what the VP said?

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:11 PM ⇲ Me

He was initially asking me questions about process and workflow. Then asked me about how I would start a project. So I told him what I would ask, and he noted that I didn’t ask him some of those questions when he dumped a list of things on me to take care of. And he was hammering me with questions, and he was trying to understand me because I wasn’t being clear and at some point I just said to him, actually talked over him and said I am going through a divorce. And then I broke down. He was silent and then, his humanity showed up and I could feel his compassion. At the same time this guy is really good at what he does. I’ve already learned a good deal from him. He’s basically our age maybe three or four years older, but not much. Anyhow, that’s the gist of it. I’m about to try and fall asleep as I am waking up at 4:10 so I can be downstairs for my pick up at 4:45. My plane takes off at 7 AM Eastern, maybe I will try to text you when I am in Dallas on my layover. This was all chalking up to be such a nice get away from everything that’s bothering me because when I’m working and with these people, I don’t think about all the things that drag me down. It just sucks at the very end, and my last interaction with a colleague brought me to tears.

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:19 PM ⇲ Me

It just so happened to be the VP

Apr 13, 2023 8:31:16 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

I have no doubt that you can “WOW” him with the next milestone. FYI Reminder - YOU ARE GREAT AT WHAT YOU DO!

Apr 13, 2023 8:45:03 PM Me

I'm scared, won't lie. Feels like exam anxiety

Apr 13, 2023 8:48:42 PM +13038752587

Get a good nights rest tonight and use your travel time to get to work on the project.

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:11 PM ⇱ Me

He was initially asking me questions about process and workflow. Then asked me about how I would start a project. So I told him what I would ask, and he noted that I didn’t ask him some of those questions when he dumped a list of things on me to take care of. And he was hammering me with questions, and he was trying to understand me because I wasn’t being clear and at some point I just said to him, actually talked over him and said I am going through a divorce. And then I broke down. He was silent and then, his humanity showed up and I could feel his compassion. At the same time this guy is really good at what he does. I’ve already learned a good deal from him. He’s basically our age maybe three or four years older, but not much. Anyhow, that’s the gist of it. I’m about to try and fall asleep as I am waking up at 4:10 so I can be downstairs for my pick up at 4:45. My plane takes off at 7 AM Eastern, maybe I will try to text you when I am in Dallas on my layover. This was all chalking up to be such a nice get away from everything that’s bothering me because when I’m working and with these people, I don’t think about all the things that drag me down. It just sucks at the very end, and my last interaction with a colleague brought me to tears.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:12 PM +13038752587

Is your flight direct or connecting

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:48 PM ⇲ Me

Connect in dallas

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:59 PM ⇲ Me

Then SB

Apr 13, 2023 8:50:49 PM ⇲ Me

I need to work this weekend, and perhaps take an hour to get a chair massage in town. But I am going to walk right back into my divorce to do list work, and I need to take care of taxes this weekend to. Yay, me yay, my life.

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:19 PM ⇱ Me

It just so happened to be the VP
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:48 PM ⇱ Me

Connect in dallas
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 13, 2023 8:49:59 PM ⇱ Me

Then SB
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 13, 2023 8:50:49 PM ⇱ Me

I need to work this weekend, and perhaps take an hour to get a chair massage in town. But I am going to walk right back into my divorce to do list work, and I need to take care of taxes this weekend to. Yay, me yay, my life.
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Apr 13, 2023 8:51:43 PM Me

I just hope to God that things work out for me at least with the job stuff. If that shit falls through, I may go totally mental.

Apr 13, 2023 8:52:56 PM Me

And hoping to God, it’s just an expression I believe there’s something behind the universe in the earth and all of this shit, so I guess I just pray to whatever or whomever that is. Or maybe this is just my decade of despair, problem is I thought that was my 40s.

Apr 13, 2023 8:53:33 PM Me

Time for some Alan Watts

Apr 13, 2023 8:55:32 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 13, 2023 8:55:50 PM Me

Guy was a genius imo

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Apr 13, 2023 8:56:03 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 43 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Sleep well 😴 Txt me in Dallas Safe travels

Apr 14, 2023 3:42:51 AM Me

I'm at the airport in Greensboro. First flight of the day. My transfer window is right, 1 hour

Apr 14, 2023 3:43:14 AM Me

Tight not right

Apr 14, 2023 4:00:30 AM Me

I've come to the realization that I will always feel suffering when thinking of my personal life. The pain I carry will not go away ever. I've been fighting against it and that's not working. Just acknowledge it and feel it.

Apr 14, 2023 4:00:56 AM Me

Sucks I'm headed home feeling like shit from my visit

Apr 14, 2023 8:19:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m in Dallas and boarding starts in about 25 mins for my 3+ hour flight to Santa Barbara

Apr 14, 2023 8:20:12 AM Me

Hope all is going well for you and the family.

Apr 14, 2023 8:20:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been flooding your phone with my texting nonsense — thanks for putting up with that

Apr 14, 2023 8:23:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One interesting observation during this trip. ZERO traveling anxiety. Have never traveled by air and have not had pervasive anxiety throughout the entire trip until I get on my last plane. The “being on time” and not missing your transfer its what eats at me under my skin.

Apr 14, 2023 9:38:19 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 46 minutes, 34 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Know that feeling well. When traveling by train you have a short window to get on board. 2 kids 6 bags. Go go go!

Apr 14, 2023 8:26:57 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

My seat on this last flight is in the absolute back row. I can sit and work on my laptop the entire time and work on what I need to prep for work on Monday. I hope to get most pixel pushing done today on the flight and wrap it all up tomorrow. I need to deliver it on Monday to the team for their review. Right after that pivoted to another project and had it turned in to my colleagues on Wednesday for their review.

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Apr 14, 2023 8:50:52 AM Me

Boarding now.

Apr 14, 2023 8:51:04 AM Me

Ping u when I land in SB

Apr 14, 2023 9:38:19 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 46 minutes, 34 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Know that feeling well. When traveling by train you have a short window to get on board. 2 kids 6 bags. Go go go!
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Apr 14, 2023 9:46:48 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 5 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Know that feeling well. When traveling by train you have a short window to get on board. 2 kids 6 bags. Go go go!

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Apr 14, 2023 12:25:20 PM Me

On the ground in Santa Barbara

Apr 14, 2023 12:25:51 PM Me

I have a solo counseling session tomorrow morning at 9

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Apr 14, 2023 12:26:00 PM Me

Not sure what to work on

Apr 14, 2023 12:58:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 54 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Ping me when you get home

Apr 14, 2023 2:55:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m home. About to help Declan install a new window in his car.

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Apr 15, 2023 11:17:23 AM Me

Just done with counselor session. It was interesting because she had a one on one with Liz while I was gone. She had some things to relay to me from Liz. Apparently Liz cannot speak to me, or even text me anymore. Sending communications through the counselor. Anyhow, it appears as if Liz wants me out in six weeks and there is honestly no way I will be financially ready to go in six weeks. It’s likely I’ll have to move to the East Coast probably immediately and move in with my parents which sucks. Not only that I feel like my contract position with hatches, now in jeopardy of becoming full-time because of me breaking down at the end of meetings when I was talking to the VP disclosing that I’m dealing with a divorce

Apr 15, 2023 11:53:42 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Did the counselor actually say she is now the intermediary? Well if it’s not feasible for you to be out then when is? Do not move back in o the East Coast! There are solutions where you are. People understand humanity and life. Do the projects you have on time and shine! (You are more than capable - trust your genius). After that send a personal message to the VP thanking him for the feedback, and his empathy. Let him know that you enjoy the team, company and work.

Apr 15, 2023 11:23:31 AM Me

Angry

Apr 15, 2023 11:23:39 AM Me

So upset

Apr 15, 2023 11:24:01 AM Me

I’m feeling doomed

Apr 15, 2023 11:24:17 AM Me

Feeling my impermanence

Apr 15, 2023 11:28:13 AM Me

I’ll be gone, but I don’t know when. The certainty of it feels stronger. I’m more at peace with my impermanence more and more I think about it

Apr 15, 2023 11:53:42 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Did the counselor actually say she is now the intermediary? Well if it’s not feasible for you to be out then when is? Do not move back in o the East Coast! There are solutions where you are. People understand humanity and life. Do the projects you have on time and shine! (You are more than capable - trust your genius). After that send a personal message to the VP thanking him for the feedback, and his empathy. Let him know that you enjoy the team, company and work.
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Apr 15, 2023 11:57:51 AM Me

K. Dude. Lost in my head for an hour. Trying to snap out of it now. I have a lot of shit to do this weekend to be ready for Monday morning. And that’s beyond the work stuff. I have some other things I would like to accomplish then I’m gonna try right now.

Apr 15, 2023 11:58:32 AM Me

Honestly, though, I can’t envision my life past my family and I don’t want to. I’m being kicked out of my marriage and my family because I’m not good enough. If I was good enough, things would be fine. Logical in fact.

Apr 15, 2023 11:58:42 AM Me

Logical and fact

Apr 15, 2023 11:59:18 AM Me

I just refuse to accept the future I’m headed into. People can push me into it, but when I’m there I can already tell you I don’t want it and I’m going to get out of it.

Apr 15, 2023 11:59:57 AM Me

I’m sick of living with everyone else’s decisions

Apr 15, 2023 12:03:53 PM Me

My future is unacceptable to me.

Apr 15, 2023 12:04:10 PM Me

Yeah, I’m not in control of my future somehow. That sucks because it forces my hand.

Apr 15, 2023 10:57:33 PM Me

I’m not in control of my life or my future

Apr 15, 2023 11:01:44 PM Me

Oh, my future and direction of my life is being decided by someone other than me. I just have to live with the consequences. Thing is I’m not gonna live. Fuck the consequences. I’m going to check the fuck out. I have made up my mind. I am fine with impermanence. I know life but has beginning and an end, but I also know it’s cyclical. So what, this round of a human existence didn’t work out in my favor fuck that’s the way it goes. When I move out of this house and off of campus That is the end of my life. If not that day sometime there after it will be over. It won’t be dramatic. It’s not gonna be a gun. It’s not gonna be anything anyone expects. I’ll be flat straight with you. I’ve gone beyond ideation and I’m planning. I’ve decided that’s what I want to do. I’m gonna go Kevorkian and take my own life and fuck everybody else. If others can be this selfish, why the fuck can’t I be? Right I am told I have to live with other peoples decisions, well, guess what I’m going to make a decision and other people are gonna have to fucking live with that too. Wanna pass the pain along to me, guess what coming right back around to ya. Fuck it all.

Apr 15, 2023 11:01:54 PM Me

This is not a rant

Apr 15, 2023 11:02:10 PM Me

I’m in Nostradamus mode

Apr 15, 2023 11:05:17 PM Me

I I’ve put on the fisheye lens and looked at my life. I looked at what I’m about to head into, and want to be on that. Honestly, there’s very little I want to stick around for. Other than hanging out to be with my boys, there’s nothing here on earth for me anymore. I’m mentally checked out of earth at this point in the game. Remember I’ve been at this for close to three years this is it some kind, a whim, or new idea, this is been on the crockpot on the back burner for a long time in my mind. It’s essentially come down to as lemony Snicket said a series of unfortunate events. It really sucks because I have discrete vision being a grandpa with elizabeth. The kids said our boys may have some day. Unfortunately, I’m not gonna be around to see that, I don’t want to be Riendo grandpa and not be grandma and grandpa. So fuck it . I only knew my grandmother, and knew no one else beyond my father so the idea of not knowing your grandparents personally, it’s not anything new, or anything they’ll miss. I can always record some YouTube videos and tell some jokes.

Apr 15, 2023 11:07:51 PM Me

I’m just sick of pretending that everything is gonna be OK, and then I’m somehow going to move out and start my life over. I am more certain about this than I have been about just about anything. When I move off this campus my life is essentially ending. I’ll have my work, and that’s about it. I don’t want to just live at work fuck that. I’m still in love with my wife and I always will be and that’s never going to change for me. I can’t be on that so, that’s the way the cards fall. Stan and I got Dale in life so at the end of this hand I’ll just fold cash out.

Apr 15, 2023 11:08:21 PM Me

Just so you know, I completely fucking hate speech to text it Mangels everything I fucking say

Apr 15, 2023 11:10:03 PM Me

I’ve I’m good, I mean really really good at a path of sizing the future, it’s part of what I get paid for as a profession. I can look at situations and problems, and given the context of the set of resources, and people asked me what the fucks going to happen? So this isn’t necessarily my first rodeo at forecasting what the fuck is going to happen. If I were putting odds on this, it’s pretty fucking certain what’s gonna go down after I move out

Apr 15, 2023 11:12:50 PM +13038752587

I’m here listening/ reading

Apr 15, 2023 11:13:49 PM Me

Look at it this way man, I’m really grateful and blessed and fortunate to have had the life that I’ve lived this far given how my life started and the mental baggage I carried with me all my life. I’m really fucking lucky, like Willy Wonka golden ticket kind of lucky to have three really good boys and Been able to raise them to the point where they’re on their own feet They are all kind, compassionate, empathetic, caring, fun, interesting, and intelligent humans. They are with a question the best thing I ever created I’m going to think long and hard about how best to give them a final message and insight in guidance for the future before I disappear

Apr 15, 2023 11:14:57 PM Me

I mean the only thing that would clip me from doing that would be to get hit by a bus tomorrow morning. And if that were to happen, I would be fine and complete and satisfied with my life. I can say that right now in this moment, as I dictate these words in my phone, if a lightning, bolt or to hit me, zap me like a bug zapper I’d be fine.

Apr 15, 2023 11:16:12 PM Me

I’m happy and grateful to have lived as long as I have. The only Bert Mahoney to live longer than me is my father. I’ve known that since I was 10 years old that the oldest Bert Mahoney only lived to be 40 something. So, I’ve beat the odds of being a Bert Mahoney, I’d beat the odds of being fucked up by my father’s tweaking me when I was a kid, and I made it out of my small hometown, and got beyond that fucking place that made me so depressed in my early years

Apr 15, 2023 11:16:32 PM Me

I’ve lived a lot longer than a lot of people and I think on these rotations around the sun I’ve done OK

Apr 15, 2023 11:17:04 PM Me

Sooooo to summarize I’m all good, and beam me up Scotty. Live long and prosper

Apr 15, 2023 11:18:25 PM Me

Being alive it’s too painful. I’ve had 700 days of meditation in my app. One of those days was OK, every other day was bad or awful.

Apr 15, 2023 11:19:07 PM Me

I don’t need more reminders or proof that I’ve come to the end of a chapter and a cycle. And I’m totally content and happy to exit stage left.

Apr 15, 2023 11:20:35 PM Me

And the philosophical question is this? If I want to be happy, and me ending my existence, will make me happy, I should have every right to make that decision for myself, without concern or care what others think.

Apr 15, 2023 11:21:07 PM Me

I’m very much reflecting back to life what it is handing me

Apr 15, 2023 11:23:04 PM Me

I just laughed out loud because I remembered in my session this morning with my therapist I was waxing and waning ad nauseam on all matters of suffering and cycles and bullshit I’ve been dealing with. She said to me you need to write a book, you need to capture all this and put it together for other people, rather other men who are in a similar situation, do you. Primarily with regard to borderline personality disorder, and relationships

Apr 15, 2023 11:25:05 PM Me

I thought that very funny because there’s probably 100 maybe 1000 guys out there total, who the fuck knows how many anyway point being I don’t have enough discipline to write a book. What would most likely work for me would be recording videos, or just audio. If I were to sketching outline on paper before ranting, it would not be hard for me to crank it out as you sit here and read this, I know because I’m speaking it and it’s translating it into text that some words are messed up, but if I did this into AI it likely could clean it up pretty well And that makes me think it’s gonna suck to miss out on all the fun shit AI’s gonna crank out

Apr 15, 2023 11:25:46 PM Me

Think of all the texting I’ve done to you that could’ve turned into a video post of some kind. I don’t know it seems kind of silly but there you have it.

Apr 15, 2023 11:26:12 PM +13038752587

And what do you think 💭 about the idea of writing ✍️ a book 📖

Apr 15, 2023 11:26:22 PM +13038752587

Well you just answered that

Apr 15, 2023 11:27:17 PM Me

Very last thing I will leave you with is this I discovered today that my therapist had a session lined up right after me. She shared with me that the next client was a porn actress, who is very good at compartmentalizing. Seeing as I have not had sex in three years, I thought for a moment, well if she’s good at compartmentalizing, could I ask my therapist to connect me with her for some mercy? 🤣

Apr 15, 2023 11:27:34 PM +13038752587

I think it’s a great idea. And you would be surprised how many people especially men are dealing with similar situations

Apr 15, 2023 11:28:20 PM +13038752587

About the book

Apr 15, 2023 11:28:54 PM Me

A book for me feels like standing at the bottom of Mount Everest, and looking at the top. Not some thing I could take on right now. Even though I know you eat an elephant, one bite at a time.

Apr 15, 2023 11:30:09 PM +13038752587

Like you said - create an outline - talk away to otter 🦦 then feed it to an editing AI and voila you have a book

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Apr 15, 2023 11:31:02 PM Me

Again, it’s a fantastically, wild, fanciful idea, but dude, I am barely hanging on here

Apr 15, 2023 11:31:38 PM Me

I feel like one of those astronauts with a jet pack on his back, floating a couple hundred yards away from the spaceship. I’m just a strong breeze away from never coming back.

Apr 15, 2023 11:32:46 PM Me

It’s weird for me to say that I have gone beyond ideation into planning, but that’s where I feel like my mind is in at the same time I’m a cool as a cucumber about it all. None of it scares me, frightens me or phases me in the slightest

Apr 15, 2023 11:33:19 PM Me

I’ll give you the benefit of sharing the plan with you once I have it

Apr 15, 2023 11:33:36 PM Me

No one else will have that information

Apr 15, 2023 11:43:58 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get the window in Declan’s car

Apr 16, 2023 12:19:30 AM ⇲ Me

Not yet

Apr 16, 2023 12:19:54 AM ⇲ Me

Finished putting subwoofer 🔊 in my new car

Apr 15, 2023 11:49:29 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Hey 👋.

Apr 15, 2023 11:59:59 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Just tried to call you.

Apr 16, 2023 12:19:16 AM Me

Sorry I missed

Apr 16, 2023 12:19:30 AM ⇱ Me

Not yet
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 16, 2023 12:19:54 AM ⇱ Me

Finished putting subwoofer 🔊 in my new car
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 16, 2023 12:20:29 AM Me

I’m headed off to bed

Apr 16, 2023 12:20:40 AM Me

Need to do taxes and work tomorrow

Apr 16, 2023 12:22:25 AM Me

Now I lay me Down to sleep 🛌 Pray the aliens 👽 My soul to keep If I should croak 🐸 Before I wake Pray 🙏 the universe My soul to take

Apr 16, 2023 12:23:08 AM Me

I’ve been masking hard I’m exhausted

Apr 16, 2023 12:23:55 AM Me

I hate that I cannot be with Elizabeth Eternally breaking my heart

Apr 16, 2023 12:28:13 AM Me

Impermanence is a constant

Apr 16, 2023 12:35:23 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Sleep well 😴 I’ll talk with you tomorrow

Apr 16, 2023 1:54:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling is quite strong that the juice of life aint worth the squeeze

Apr 16, 2023 9:38:34 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning. What’s your schedule today?

Apr 16, 2023 10:15:18 AM Me

Hi Working on delivables for work tomorrow Dart tournament at 2pm Not sure if I’ll go, depending on if my work is well along the way, plus I have to work on my taxes to have them done tomorrow.

Apr 16, 2023 10:15:39 AM Me

I have a pretty busy day. Basically if I don’t go to the dart tournament, I’ll be here working and doing taxes.

Apr 16, 2023 11:14:20 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 32 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - keep working. I think darts is a good idea if you can get the deliverables complete. Taxes - file an extension is time is short.

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Apr 16, 2023 4:47:04 PM Me

Actually at darts

Apr 16, 2023 4:47:25 PM Me

Just made it to semifinals out of 16 teams.

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Apr 16, 2023 5:46:12 PM Me

Waiting for other bracket to finish

Apr 16, 2023 8:27:33 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

How you do?

Apr 16, 2023 8:54:41 PM Me

We came in second place and I won 20 bucks

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Apr 16, 2023 8:57:06 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Putting Willow to sleep

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Apr 16, 2023 9:17:49 PM Me

Going to keep.going to these pick up tournamenst . Eventually I'll get picked up by a team. What was fun is that no one really knows who I was except for 3 or 4 guys I played with in the last tournament. The guys we played in the final today I played in the first round of the my first tournament and lost, but it was damn close. Just like the final was tonight. We literally lost by two darts .

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Apr 16, 2023 9:18:05 PM Me

I basically keep running into the best players and lose by a coin toss really

Apr 16, 2023 9:18:46 PM Me

I’m just excited to play against a large number of very good dart players who also are fun guys and really enjoy playing

Apr 16, 2023 9:19:19 PM Me

They play seriously but like a good laugh.

Apr 16, 2023 9:52:05 PM Me

Suddenly quite sad

Apr 16, 2023 9:53:37 PM Me

I’m missing time with someone I care deeply about. I’ll never have that again and it breaks my heart 💜 over and over and over again

Apr 16, 2023 10:03:14 PM Me

I am sitting alone on the porch quietly, with this really intense emotion of sadness Time is moving, body is moving, mind is moving, heart is broken 😞 and stuck It’s cruel not to be given the opportunity to make things right. Everyday my heart breaks fresh when I awaken to light and life. As sure as Earth orbits the sun I will reawaken to another broken heart 💔 tomorrow morning It’s as if unseen forces are working against me. Be it people, ideas, or quantum mechanics

Apr 16, 2023 10:09:15 PM Me

Every day is new Until I realize My broken heart 💔 Is still here No matter the path Of patience or pessimism It greets me like an old friend Healing is impossible There’s no compassion found Wherever I look Even at self

Apr 16, 2023 10:13:34 PM Me

I have no self empathy I had it good Until I didn’t Except I was I’ll Mind cancer Of depression Fogging thoughts 💭 Yet somehow that’s lost And I’m to blame Or blame depression ?

Apr 17, 2023 9:05:31 AM Me

Another day closer…

Apr 17, 2023 9:05:54 AM Me

Up at 4am crying Another day closer

Apr 17, 2023 9:51:15 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Twitter

Apr 17, 2023 6:05:47 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

How did the project review go?

Apr 17, 2023 6:58:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Meetings are setup for Thursday and next week. I’m working on my deliverables right now.

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Apr 17, 2023 6:58:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Still have more to do tonight

Apr 17, 2023 7:48:45 PM Me

Taking break right now

Apr 17, 2023 7:49:01 PM Me

Walking the dog Walking the dog eat

Apr 17, 2023 7:49:29 PM Me

I meant to say I am walking the dog and shooting a few darts. My arm is very sore from the tournament yesterday. I was shooting darts for five hours straight.

Apr 17, 2023 7:53:48 PM Me

Gorillas in the mist here today

Apr 17, 2023 7:54:21 PM Me

I’ve been high elevation with the cloud cover like that, and I have to tell you it’s pretty damn cool to begin seeing the transition and suddenly you feel as if you’re standing on the clouds not under them

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Apr 17, 2023 7:55:06 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Our hike yesterday

Apr 17, 2023 7:55:16 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Live hiking into the mist

Apr 17, 2023 7:58:29 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 17, 2023 7:58:29 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) +13038752587

No cloud cover

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Apr 17, 2023 8:01:21 PM Me

I just heard an extremely powerful statement in the book I’m listening to buy Pema Chodron

Apr 17, 2023 8:02:52 PM +13038752587

Willow befriending a chipmunk

Apr 17, 2023 8:03:04 PM Me

Would anyone be able to hurt another purposefully because they are on unable to hold their own suffering inside of their vulnerable heart

Apr 17, 2023 8:06:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Is this what you heard in the book

Apr 17, 2023 8:03:27 PM Me

Liz is clearly in capable of holding on to her own suffering

Apr 17, 2023 8:04:10 PM Me

And that is not my opinion that is fact

Apr 17, 2023 8:06:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Is this what you heard in the book
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 17, 2023 8:07:26 PM Me

Someone moved my chair I said in about a month ago to the other side of this baseball field. And I just dragged it back to my spot. When the cloud cover isn’t there, you can sit here and stare at Twin Peaks.

Apr 17, 2023 8:08:34 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful

Apr 17, 2023 8:27:08 PM Me

I just shared this with my parents and brother

Apr 17, 2023 8:27:15 PM Me

...

Apr 17, 2023 8:27:18 PM Me

Yesterday I sat for meditation as I usually do. However the app let me know I hit a new milestone 700 days of meditation I can say with certainty that I have felt and sat with “the force” of life in its myriad of forms. I’m living the explored life, the explored mind with all joy and all suffering. Sitting with incredibly painful thoughts and emotions to the point of feeling my humanness and compassion for suffering. I’ve been able to transcend SOME of what challenges me ( some I’ve dealt with my entire life ). This involves staying with it, no distractions, no numbness, no substances. Just pure being. I focus on my breathing moving in and out. Incredibly simple and relaxed but challenging to attain, like riding a unicycle. I can drop in to it within seconds and stay there for as long as I like, up to an hour of stillness is incredible medicine Anyway, just wanted to share some. Hope you are all having a good evening.

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Apr 17, 2023 8:49:45 PM Me

This is the practice that I do now when breathing. Previously, I used to focus on the breath as a way of staying away from thinking to stay present, but now with this practice, I can focus on suffering and healing. It’s quite unique. This is a video of Pema herself Telling you how to do this meditation it’s only less than five minutes and worthy of you/listen

Apr 17, 2023 8:49:47 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 17, 2023 9:13:41 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 27 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

I will listen in the morning- thanks for sharing

Apr 18, 2023 8:37:31 AM Me

This morning I woke up with a plan in my head. Apparently my subconscious mind is taking the lead.

Apr 18, 2023 8:53:14 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

A suicide plan?

Apr 18, 2023 9:00:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes

Apr 18, 2023 9:01:39 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

what is weird is that it makes sense and is reasonable — its logical and thinking ahead

Apr 18, 2023 9:02:08 AM Me

As if my brain has been working on it in the back rooms for years without my knowledge

Apr 18, 2023 9:06:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s obvious to me that I do not want to go forward and leave my marriage — my subconscious is prepping to drop the mic.

Apr 18, 2023 9:07:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

For reasons beyond my knowledge and control my wife is unwilling to honor her vows and talk through her issues.

Apr 18, 2023 9:07:44 AM Me

She’d rather pass her pain to others because she’s incapable of being with her pain and processing it.

Apr 18, 2023 9:08:31 AM Me

She is unwilling to be vulnerable and sit with uncomfortable and painful emotions to process them.

Apr 18, 2023 9:08:53 AM Me

She is passing those emotions on to me and the boys to carry.

Apr 18, 2023 9:09:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m already carrying enough, thank you. If I try to take on MORE I’m out.

Apr 18, 2023 9:10:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If its cool for her to pass her emotions to me, I’m going to return the favor — with a far heavier load.

Apr 18, 2023 9:11:14 AM Me

Then she can explain to the boys why things turned out how they did. She can explain to them why she was unwilling to reconcile

Apr 18, 2023 9:12:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Why is it MY responsibility to stay alive to carry her pain?

Apr 18, 2023 9:13:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She has this illusion that our boys experience is going to turn out how her situation did with her mom and dad and she is TERRIBLY MISTAKEN to think I’m going to show kindness EVER.

Apr 18, 2023 9:14:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want to say “Fuck You!” Instead of “Hi” when greeting her if this materializes and I’m still alive

Apr 18, 2023 9:15:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Seriously how fucking delusional does one have to be in thinking I’ll be nice after this?

Apr 18, 2023 9:15:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

For real?

Apr 18, 2023 9:16:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ironic she’s divorcing me for me “anger” when she really has yet to see me angry towards HER. She’s not going to like it, especially when I drop the mic.

Apr 18, 2023 9:16:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, I have a lot of work to do. Going quiet

Apr 18, 2023 9:29:24 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

FYI dont fret on this. Just sharing

Apr 18, 2023 9:32:45 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 57 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Text me when you have a real in your day

Apr 18, 2023 1:30:11 PM Me

Soon

Apr 18, 2023 1:30:19 PM Me

meetings and hard deadlines

Apr 18, 2023 2:14:47 PM Me

I’ll be free after 4pm pST

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Apr 18, 2023 2:15:08 PM Me

More deadlines and one meeting left. Lots of activity coming off our in person meetings last week.

Apr 18, 2023 8:47:22 PM Me

Feeling for the sake of healing

Apr 18, 2023 8:48:13 PM Me

Had a long conversation with my colleague Jason today. Have lots of meetings tomorrow

Apr 18, 2023 8:48:31 PM Me

We talked about what's up

Apr 18, 2023 8:59:39 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

How was that? Any insights

Apr 18, 2023 9:31:04 PM Me

Other people have mixed up shit in their lives

Apr 18, 2023 9:32:04 PM Me

People in a line of work that requires a heavy cognitive load, suffer greatly from the amount of energy, consumed by personal life matters of this magnitude.

Apr 18, 2023 9:32:50 PM Me

Example given was if I just flipped burgers, I could zone out do it my burger flipping and go home. I’m not paid to do that. I’m paid to find insights that helped create results.

Apr 18, 2023 9:33:39 PM Me

The acknowledgment of that fact, alone was massive for me. In fact, he brought it up I didn’t. He shared that he went through some tough stuff last year, and I know the VP went through a divorce about four years ago after being married for seven.

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Apr 18, 2023 9:34:06 PM Me

He suffered very hard first about six months, and the VP shared that with me. Just about the suffering he did not go into any detail.

Apr 18, 2023 9:35:02 PM Me

Apr 18, 2023 9:35:24 PM Me

Apr 18, 2023 9:36:04 PM Me

Practice today between work sessions. I grab a quick 1015 minutes of throwing multiple times a day plus shoot for an hour at least every night

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Apr 18, 2023 9:36:32 PM Me

That’s probably why I can hang with the big boys in Ventura darting scene That’s probably why I can hang with the big boys in Ventura dirt Cean

Apr 18, 2023 9:36:41 PM Me

dart scene

Apr 18, 2023 9:39:53 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get feedback from Monday’s project?

Apr 18, 2023 9:40:47 PM ⇲ Me

Yes VP said first glance looked good.

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Apr 18, 2023 9:40:13 PM Me

I want to get sponsored by my favorite local Ojai dispensary called Sespe Creek.

Apr 18, 2023 9:40:15 PM Me

Sespe Creek Collective

Apr 18, 2023 9:40:47 PM ⇱ Me

Yes VP said first glance looked good.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 18, 2023 9:41:17 PM Me

The entire oriduct team huddles around it on Thursday

Apr 18, 2023 9:41:22 PM Me

product

Apr 19, 2023 12:49:32 AM Me

Sure enough, without fail, I find myself in a puddle of tears going to bed. I can’t not feel suffering. I’ve come to the realization that I will feel this suffering for the rest of my life. It’s just a matter of feeling the pain every day. even feeling, as though I may have partly accomplished something at work, I still feel horrible, and like a failure. Besides, being in a perpetual mindset of failure, and crying, and sadness doesn’t really make you a likable or attractive person to hang out with. I find myself reminded of the plan that I dreamt up. In the plan, I actually thought that after I pack all my boxes, I would move them down wherever, but I would just stack them neatly against the wall, and not unpack them to save someone the trouble of having to pack it all back up and take it away. I Donely need one or two sets of clothes, because ever since 2019 and going in to another deep depression, I find myself doing less upkeep

Apr 19, 2023 12:50:46 AM Me

Same here at the house I would pack up all my shit put it in boxes, neatly on the shelves down in the garage because I assume I am not going to cart away everything immediately, but at least get it out of the house upstairs. So in a way, it’s planning ahead for packing me up off planet earth.

Apr 19, 2023 12:55:42 AM Me

Being alive is no fun. There is no joy in my days or past 4 years. I’ve not felt love in that time either. logically I’m inclined to infer that this will continue for me Also logically, no thanks

Apr 19, 2023 12:56:03 AM Me

I’m being sent to my end

Apr 19, 2023 12:57:26 AM +13038752587

Logic is not at play here. Emotions are. Your feelings are opening up the doors for the lies of depression to enter

Apr 19, 2023 12:57:36 AM Me

just stop for 30 seconds and think about not feeling loved in four years. That’s a huge chunk of your kids lives, every day for years of nothing.

Apr 19, 2023 12:58:20 AM +13038752587

I hear that you are not feeling loved but the fact is you are loved by many.

Apr 19, 2023 12:58:25 AM Me

I can’t see some thing as a lie when it is also fact. Emotions are there, but the fact remains.

Apr 19, 2023 12:59:10 AM Me

I am being forced to go live a life that I do not want in any way, shape or form

Apr 19, 2023 12:59:48 AM Me

And that’s separate from my emotions. That is truly what I want. I want us to resolve this and figure it out but, no.

Apr 19, 2023 1:00:28 AM Me

I am just gonna go quietly pack up my shit leave things, tidy and get the fuck out

Apr 19, 2023 1:00:52 AM +13038752587

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to resolve it?

Apr 19, 2023 1:01:44 AM Me

No, because I’m not delusional. I know the level of stubbornness. I am up against in the unwillingness of someone to change their mind.

Apr 19, 2023 1:02:16 AM Me

Nothing I personally can do or say or pretend or anything to change what is going on

Apr 19, 2023 1:02:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That is not true

Apr 19, 2023 1:02:42 AM Me

This isn’t a discussion it’s being told what I am going to do

Apr 19, 2023 1:03:06 AM Me

There is no dialogue. At this point I don’t even text her anymore.

Apr 19, 2023 1:03:15 AM Me

I communicate through the therapist now

Apr 19, 2023 1:03:48 AM Me

I say nothing to her when she comes in the house, and don’t acknowledge her presence, unless for some odd reason, she happens to acknowledge me

Apr 19, 2023 1:04:08 AM Me

I’m just some asshole. That’s in the way right now.

Apr 19, 2023 1:04:24 AM +13038752587

That is your judgment

Apr 19, 2023 1:06:20 AM Me

The last thing I will say is that I’ve worked so fucking hard just to get my chin back above water and not drown. Now while I’m treading water, I’m being asked to carry another heavy load of someone else’s pain the rest of my life. I didn’t sign up for that, and when that pain is passed, it won’t be long until the boomerang goes right on back

Apr 19, 2023 1:08:45 AM Me

Nobody knows what I feel like nobody knows the pain is suffering. Not a person on the 988 suicide line, not my therapist, not another person who’s been through divorce, nobody knows what I am contending with. I just don’t have the intellect to describe it, particularly well or accurately, but I know that the existence I have now, and have had for the past four years is a state of being that it’s completely undesirable to me as a way of being.

Apr 19, 2023 1:08:59 AM +13038752587

Cough medicine is kicking in - starting to fade. You do not have to accept another’s pain. It is theirs and not yours. I remember taking on Nicole’s illness as if it were mine. But it wasn’t mine.

Apr 19, 2023 1:09:45 AM Me

In the same way that Elizabeth said she’s just done being married to me. I am just done with being alive and pervasively feel suffering.

Apr 19, 2023 1:10:05 AM Me

Just like she can’t do it anymore neither can I

Apr 19, 2023 1:10:21 AM Me

Tit for tat, I for an eye who gives a shit honestly

Apr 19, 2023 1:11:23 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Lots of people

Apr 19, 2023 1:10:42 AM Me

I’ll be gone people feel sad for a little while and then in life goes on c’est la vie

Apr 19, 2023 1:12:51 AM ⇲ +13038752587

No, your children’s life will not just go on. What you are planning will be effect them forever

Apr 19, 2023 1:13:54 AM ⇲ Me

He’s been living with me and see what this is doing to me every day. I am ashamed to say that they see the depths of my suffering, and would likely think that I would be in a place where I would not be suffering anymore.

Apr 19, 2023 1:14:54 AM ⇲ Me

Plus, I wouldn’t leave them without leaving some kind of message, video, something. I wouldn’t be that thoughtless.

Apr 19, 2023 1:11:04 AM +13038752587

I believe there are people who know the depth of your pain. I believe there are trained folks who can help.

Apr 19, 2023 1:11:23 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Lots of people
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 1:11:25 AM Me

I would truly honestly be surprised if many people even fucking noticed if I was gone, so there is that

Apr 19, 2023 1:12:08 AM Me

What if I don’t want help? What is this is what I want

Apr 19, 2023 1:12:37 AM Me

I don’t see the difference between her getting to choose a divorce and me getting to choose to go Kevorkian.

Apr 19, 2023 1:12:51 AM ⇱ +13038752587

No, your children’s life will not just go on. What you are planning will be effect them forever
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 1:12:55 AM Me

I have the right to decide what I wanna do with my own life

Apr 19, 2023 1:13:54 AM ⇱ Me

He’s been living with me and see what this is doing to me every day. I am ashamed to say that they see the depths of my suffering, and would likely think that I would be in a place where I would not be suffering anymore.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 1:14:54 AM ⇱ Me

Plus, I wouldn’t leave them without leaving some kind of message, video, something. I wouldn’t be that thoughtless.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 1:15:52 AM Me

Additionally, I also know this is not the deepest and darkest part of this experience yet and it’s so painfully hard to acknowledge that and say it out loud

Apr 19, 2023 1:15:56 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Do you really want everything to end or just the pain and suffering you feel?

Apr 19, 2023 1:17:06 AM Me

I want to end. All of it.

Apr 19, 2023 1:17:57 AM Me

I thought about it the other day in that I’ve had a very good life and I’ve been extremely lucky and fortunate. Far more fortunate and lucky in any humans so big picture I’m OK.

Apr 19, 2023 1:18:37 AM Me

In the end, everything fucked up and hit all the blew up in a face in there was no fixing it

Apr 19, 2023 1:18:53 AM +13038752587

No more soccer with the boys. No trips with them. No junk food trips to the grocery store.

Apr 19, 2023 1:20:10 AM Me

I don’t have a family anymore

Apr 19, 2023 1:20:34 AM Me

I have some fucked up fragment thing that I don’t fucking want

Apr 19, 2023 1:21:51 AM Me

Just sick of waking up every morning sucking down half a gallon of coffee to force myself to do work and then feel like shit the rest of the day to go to bed and wake up and do it again except in a few weeks I get to go do that in some fucking apartment cave somewhere by myself

Apr 19, 2023 1:22:16 AM +13038752587

So change it. ( I know easier said than done) but you can do it

Apr 19, 2023 1:22:31 AM Me

There’s some thing about leaving this place and going to an apartment that makes me feel like I will never come out of it alive.

Apr 19, 2023 1:24:01 AM Me

So in the end, it’s my job to sit around the rest of my life and suffer perpetually so that other people can feel good

Apr 19, 2023 1:26:03 AM ⇲ +13038752587

No, your job is to find a way through the suffering to the other side… joy, and happiness. I know this may seem impossible, but it is not

Apr 19, 2023 1:24:32 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What would things need to look like when you leave to fee good?

Apr 19, 2023 1:25:02 AM ⇲ Me

Not to leave

Apr 19, 2023 1:28:22 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Yes I hear you there. But if you have to leave what would things neee to look like to feel good?

Apr 19, 2023 1:24:38 AM Me

I mean, I’m doing the medicine I’m doing the therapy. I’ve been doing it for a long time and everything’s going backwards.

Apr 19, 2023 1:25:02 AM ⇱ Me

Not to leave
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 1:26:03 AM ⇱ +13038752587

No, your job is to find a way through the suffering to the other side… joy, and happiness. I know this may seem impossible, but it is not
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 1:26:24 AM Me

If I move into an apartment, I’ll be gone before July 3, which is the anniversary if wirst day in my life

Apr 19, 2023 1:27:16 AM Me

The suffering is never going away

Apr 19, 2023 1:27:35 AM Me

Suffering will be there every day, the rest of my life

Apr 19, 2023 1:28:03 AM Me

I don’t want to live with myself any longer

Apr 19, 2023 1:28:22 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Yes I hear you there. But if you have to leave what would things neee to look like to feel good?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 1:28:34 AM Me

There are times long periods of time where I don’t want to be with myself. I don’t want to be me I want to be done and gone.

Apr 19, 2023 1:29:58 AM Me

Plus, there’s the obvious overriding question of who the fuck am I to feel good. There is so much incredible suffering in this world, and in some sense I find it kind of obnoxious to have a righteousness about feeling good.

Apr 19, 2023 1:30:27 AM +13038752587

It’s sad to hear that. You are an amazing person.

Apr 19, 2023 1:30:40 AM Me

I am no one special, I haven’t earned anything or completed. Some kind of exam qualifies me for anything.

Apr 19, 2023 1:31:16 AM Me

I am not a special person. I’m broken it fucked up. Totally undesirable.

Apr 19, 2023 1:31:33 AM +13038752587

You are human.

Apr 19, 2023 1:31:41 AM Me

Look at what the woman who married me is doing

Apr 19, 2023 1:32:39 AM Me

I am undesirable. If I had the slightest bit of desirability left and B, my wife would acknowledge my humanness. Acknowledge my mistakes, and be willing to show me mercy. I don’t get any mercy, I just get sent away.

Apr 19, 2023 1:33:39 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Have you given these things to yourself?

Apr 19, 2023 1:33:39 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Have you given these things to yourself?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 1:33:42 AM Me

I don’t feel human, I feel outcast, I feel thrown away, I feel discarded, I feel less then, I feel hopeless, I feel suffering, I feel pain, I feel Gray, I feel dead inside

Apr 19, 2023 1:34:31 AM Me

I have felt lifeless for four years, I am somewhat like a zombie, can you tell by how I act it’s not normal

Apr 19, 2023 1:35:17 AM Me

a neuro divergent fuck up, who is in capable of being a good person

Apr 19, 2023 1:36:58 AM +13038752587

Who is currently unable to see he is a good person. With many talents to share.

Apr 19, 2023 1:39:43 AM +13038752587

I love you. I wish I had a magic wand to help you banish this darkness that is causing you pain and suffering. Alas, I have my words to keep reminding you of the good in you and the love all around you.

Apr 19, 2023 1:39:58 AM Me

Apr 19, 2023 1:40:30 AM Me

Amazing how simply that captures my daily existence

Apr 19, 2023 1:40:55 AM Me

Muttering to myself, in the most depressing of landscapes

Apr 19, 2023 1:41:41 AM +13038752587

☔️

Apr 19, 2023 1:41:58 AM Me

The thing is people can tell me about love all they want. They can tell me about all these people that love me that like me blah blah blah. I don’t feel love. I feel empty. I feel groundless I feel dead.

Apr 19, 2023 1:42:22 AM +13038752587

I hear you.

Apr 19, 2023 1:42:39 AM Me

And I have felt that way for years. This isn’t somebody who’s having a bad day. This is fucked up perpetual shit that I’m never getting out of.

Apr 19, 2023 1:43:05 AM +13038752587

I’m hoping it hits your subconscious

Apr 19, 2023 1:43:30 AM Me

I can pretend that things are going to get better, it’s kind of like masking when I pretend everything is OK in my life and show people a normal face. Wow deep down I’m dying inside.

Apr 19, 2023 1:44:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What did you discover it was? Border line personality

Apr 19, 2023 1:45:47 AM Me

I have classic quiet type borderline personality disorder. What that means is I have a lot of anger that is directed at myself. Because of a toxic upbringing that involved complex post traumatic stress disorder that forced my brain into perpetual survival mode.

Apr 19, 2023 1:46:25 AM Me

I lived my entire life from a place of fight or flight. I’ve never known what it means to be truly relaxed, as it was never talk to me or encouraged when I was young in anyway.

Apr 19, 2023 1:47:11 AM Me

I operate from fear. A place from fear where I am going to let people down or they will discover that I am a fraud.

Apr 19, 2023 1:47:45 AM Me

So you spend all your time and energy and effort, doing everything in your power to not let people down and to fool them into thinking you are not a fraud

Apr 19, 2023 1:48:19 AM Me

Then, when you get home, you crash mentally, and physically from the expenditure of energy. You’re basically character acting every time you’re in public with other people.

Apr 19, 2023 1:49:04 AM Me

You’re not disingenuous, you are being yourself, but you’re projecting and acting as the happy version of yourself. You are never leading on to just how much suffering and self hate you have.

Apr 19, 2023 1:49:26 AM Me

😴💤

Apr 19, 2023 1:49:54 AM +13038752587

Yes - I’m fading fast.

Apr 19, 2023 1:50:12 AM +13038752587

Good night 💤😴

Apr 19, 2023 1:50:37 AM +13038752587

I’ll chat with you tomorrow

Apr 19, 2023 1:50:45 AM Me

YouTube

Apr 19, 2023 9:46:32 AM Me

Hard start today

Apr 19, 2023 10:04:31 AM Me

Just taking up space

Apr 19, 2023 10:05:40 AM Me

Not existing is more appealing than waking up every day to this

Apr 19, 2023 10:05:40 AM Me

I want off the ride

Apr 19, 2023 10:05:40 AM Me

Over and over and over Hundreds and hundreds of days in a row like this

Apr 19, 2023 10:12:44 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

What if you can get of the ride and just pause for a bit, breathe for a bit and just relax?

Apr 19, 2023 10:15:20 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

| I was thinking about some of the therapies you did? What were they again? I remember you saying they help you shift without conscious effort. The was the rapid eye one. Anything else?
Edited 1 minute, 57 seconds later | I was thinking about some of the therapies you did? What were they again? I remember you saying they help you shift without conscious effort. The was the rapid eye one. Anything else?

Apr 19, 2023 10:16:09 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have another project deadline today?

Apr 19, 2023 10:16:29 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Lots of questions for the morning 😀

Apr 19, 2023 10:28:58 AM Me

Today is extremely meeting heavy and I go into that in two minutes. Basically start now and don’t wrap up until 330. I have 1/2 hour pocket and another one hour pocket at 1:30. Otherwise it’s meetings And notes.

Apr 19, 2023 10:29:25 AM Me

I am free from 1030 to 11 Pacific and 130 to 230 Pacific

Apr 19, 2023 10:30:07 AM Me

I’ve got some tasks. I need to check off my list today like submitting invoices and receipts and following up with DMV for an appointment and getting paperwork to someone for billing.

Apr 19, 2023 10:31:03 AM Me

Every day I have anywhere from 3 to 6 of these miscellaneous non-work tasks I have to get done and shit piling up on me otherwise. When I was super depressed, I didn’t do anything and everything got behind. I had to file three years of taxes, all at once That’s done but now I’m paying off about 12 grand back taxes

Apr 19, 2023 10:32:24 AM ⇲ +13038752587

We’ll done on completing that task. Been there - feels good to have it completed and a plan to pay off taxes

Apr 19, 2023 10:32:58 AM ⇲ +13038752587

It’s an easy one to procrastinate, well it was for me.

Apr 19, 2023 10:32:24 AM ⇱ +13038752587

We’ll done on completing that task. Been there - feels good to have it completed and a plan to pay off taxes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 10:32:58 AM ⇱ +13038752587

It’s an easy one to procrastinate, well it was for me.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2023 10:33:47 AM +13038752587

Have good meetings, tick some todos off the list. Reach out to me when you can

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Apr 19, 2023 3:31:03 PM Me

Feeling incredibly triggered

Apr 19, 2023 3:31:08 PM Me

Have a meeting right now

Apr 20, 2023 7:42:12 PM (Read by you after 22 hours, 46 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

How did todays team meeting go?

Apr 21, 2023 9:39:51 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 48 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Bon Jour

Apr 21, 2023 3:09:16 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 19 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 21, 2023 6:18:07 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

What’s up? Two days of radio silence 🤫

Apr 21, 2023 6:18:53 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

We may be heading to Cali in late May.

Apr 21, 2023 6:29:25 PM Me

I’m still here on earth.

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Apr 21, 2023 6:34:49 PM Me

Question for you. I had a session with my therapist, rather our marriage counselor therapist. She was concerned about me the other day, because she reached out, and I didn’t reply. I shared with her today that I confronted an emotion that came up that actually stopped me from replying from to her, to you for the past two days, into Derick, enter Sallie. These are people all of whom I typically respond as soon as I see it. However this time, for whatever reason there was something in me that stopped me from replying. The key thing here is that I was fully, and completely aware of this behavior in the moment that it happened. I questioned it immediately and saw it more as a curiosity rather than some script I have to follow. Needless to say, I shared this insight with my therapist, and now I am sharing it with you. My therapist asked me today in session, is there someone I can contact if I can’t get a hold of you. What she is looking for is someone to help her confirm at a high-level that I’m alive and OK. When she asked me this, my immediate reaction was sure no problem. However, I’m respectful of peoples boundaries and privacy and did not immediately offer up your information to her. I told her I’d speak to you and ask if it was cool, and if so, I will go ahead and share information both ways. I’ll give her your phone and email, and I can do the same for you. I can send you her phone number and email. She is responsive to both. Sidenote, she is within the five-year range of both our ages, however, she married a much older man. I believe he is 15 to 20 years, her senior, and is presently facing Terminal cancer. It is a very incredibly sad situation as they have two adult children that are roughly the age of Aidan and Declan. Anyhow, just giving you some context about her. She is smart, a great listener, and a great conversationalist. I do enjoy spending time in session with her OK I will stop here because I am talking into the phone and pacing the house. I don’t stop now I could do this for an hour and this text message might be 50 pages long.

Apr 21, 2023 7:00:10 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Out with the girls - yes share contact information- I’ll reply to messages tonight

Apr 21, 2023 6:35:02 PM Me

Happy Friday, your gift is that I am still alive. :-)

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Apr 21, 2023 6:38:17 PM Me

Right before I went radio silent with you for the past couple days, I was ranting as you could see if you scroll back in this this thread. I was in a pretty miserable place, and the ideation went to planning for the first time. And I watched my mind do it, and observed it, and just was an observer. But it is the first time my mind went that direction, and some thing inside of me did not stop me. In the past, there is that we spent some thing inside me That I can’t describe but would surface and say OK this is enough stop we got to stop this. And I would stop. This time that didn’t exist it was gates open. Proceed forward.

Apr 21, 2023 6:40:36 PM Me

It felt kind of weird that it happened and it was this if I was sitting on my own shoulder, watching it happen like I would jump in and stop myself if I needed to. again, some of this is quite hard to articulate into words, at least in a way that’s logical, and makes sense instead of a torrent of emotions and stories. I’m trying to stay focused at a high-level operationally. I see the Contant I see here, the Contant, but what is key is that I don’t act on the continent. I’m keenly aware and acting on the Contant is no Bueno. What is incredibly wild I’m keenly aware and acting on the Contant is no Bueno. What is incredibly wild?

Apr 21, 2023 6:42:36 PM Me

Is that if I were in this state of mind and being, let’s say even six months ago, I would be fetal in a puddle of tears. Yet somehow I can still operate go to work and carry about my day. I am a fully operational human being walking around with an 800 pound depression, gorilla sitting on his shoulders, compressing a spine. The funny thing is nobody can see the gorilla that’s the thing about mental illness you walk around and you look like any old dumb ass that’s out there. Reminds me of the saying because mind you know not what suffering anyone is carrying. OK I’ll zip it for now. Going to do some stretching and maybe play some darts

Apr 21, 2023 6:43:52 PM Me

I have to practice, if I ever have a dream of beating, Tim Lucas, Rastaman, as he is known.

Apr 21, 2023 6:44:20 PM Me

He’s about 62 has dreadlocks and has the four British accent. He’s been dominant in the Ventura dirt Cean for 15 years at a minimum.

Apr 21, 2023 6:44:49 PM Me

6’2” “full British”

Apr 21, 2023 6:45:02 PM Me

Cean = scene

Apr 21, 2023 6:45:10 PM Me

Fucking speech to text

Apr 21, 2023 7:00:10 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Out with the girls - yes share contact information- I’ll reply to messages tonight
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 21, 2023 7:00:18 PM Me

K

Apr 21, 2023 7:00:27 PM Me

Have fun

Apr 21, 2023 7:00:45 PM Me

I miss my guys being little ppl

Apr 21, 2023 7:00:54 PM Me

Good times

Apr 21, 2023 7:01:18 PM Me

Don't get it back, so do savor

Apr 21, 2023 7:02:07 PM Me

Darragh will be 17 in June. 2mos

Apr 21, 2023 7:07:16 PM Me

I have lived this song.... My God what have I done!

Apr 21, 2023 7:07:21 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 21, 2023 7:07:25 PM Me

Context

Apr 21, 2023 7:07:46 PM Me

Apr 21, 2023 7:08:25 PM Me

Sticker covering the Apple logo on my laptop

Apr 21, 2023 7:09:41 PM Me

The irony is that sticker was on my laptop years before all this happened and are used to look at it and be thankful for my god. What have I done not to come to pass. Is it prophetic? Did I somehow have my Nostradamus on that day when I put the sticker on my laptop and didn’t know it?

Apr 21, 2023 7:10:45 PM Me

It’s just incredibly weird how that song syncs up with my life I’m in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife. How did I get here? Are used to ask myself that question 20 years ago. OK crying now I miss her so much

Apr 21, 2023 7:11:42 PM Me

Apr 21, 2023 7:11:42 PM Me

A fucking mess I am

Apr 21, 2023 7:48:00 PM Me

Click to download Laurie Richardson .vcf (173.00 B)

Apr 21, 2023 8:16:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you. Big HUG!

Apr 22, 2023 10:38:28 AM Me

Another day closer to the end of this

Apr 22, 2023 10:49:16 AM +13038752587

What is the current timeline?

Apr 22, 2023 10:51:37 AM Me

Mine or hers?

Apr 22, 2023 10:51:52 AM +13038752587

Are they different

Apr 22, 2023 10:52:28 AM Me

Way things are going I’m going to move away, not stay in OJAI, or maybe even California

Apr 22, 2023 10:53:02 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Explain - way things are going?

Apr 22, 2023 10:52:44 AM Me

Yes, they are different

Apr 22, 2023 10:52:59 AM Me

She wants me out in 5 weeks

Apr 22, 2023 10:53:51 AM ⇲ +13038752587

How does this work on the plan you created a month or so ago

Apr 22, 2023 10:54:28 AM ⇲ Me

It’s about 2 months sooner than expected

Apr 22, 2023 10:54:49 AM ⇲ Me

Financially be unable to do it

Apr 22, 2023 10:53:02 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Explain - way things are going?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 22, 2023 10:53:44 AM Me

Not sure how to articulate “how things are going” it’s complicated

Apr 22, 2023 10:53:51 AM ⇱ +13038752587

How does this work on the plan you created a month or so ago
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 22, 2023 10:53:53 AM Me

As u know

Apr 22, 2023 10:54:28 AM ⇱ Me

It’s about 2 months sooner than expected
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 22, 2023 10:54:49 AM ⇱ Me

Financially be unable to do it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 22, 2023 10:55:53 AM Me

Rent on a one bedroom in Ojai STARTS at $2k a month. And that’s basic, zero fancies

Apr 22, 2023 10:56:27 AM +13038752587

Is financial the only factual obstacle?

Apr 22, 2023 10:56:34 AM Me

If I want something nice in a nice place likely closer to 3k

Apr 22, 2023 10:56:37 AM +13038752587

Are there others

Apr 22, 2023 10:56:53 AM Me

I can find cheaper places if I move further away

Apr 22, 2023 10:57:12 AM Me

Moving further away is just going to isolate me more not good

Apr 22, 2023 10:57:16 AM +13038752587

List the facts of what is necessary to move out and stay in Ojai

Apr 22, 2023 10:57:32 AM Me

Right this second? I was about to start some work.

Apr 22, 2023 10:57:54 AM +13038752587

No - whenever you have time today

Apr 22, 2023 10:58:01 AM +13038752587

Focus in work

Apr 22, 2023 10:58:25 AM Me

My plan right now is to get all my shit in boxes. I have everything stacked in the garage in a particular spot. I’ve already eyeballed. Then I’ll probably live in my car for the for seeable future.

Apr 22, 2023 10:59:20 AM Me

Because she wants me out of here by June 1. I’m just gonna quickly grab all my shit and put it in a pile in the garage. Then at some point, I’ll either figure my life out, or I’ll be dead. And the good thing is all my shit will be in a nice tidy pile so it’ll be easy to get rid of.

Apr 22, 2023 10:59:43 AM Me

Fatalism is my new fashion

Apr 22, 2023 11:03:34 AM Me

I sat and gave some serious thought about what my life might look like if I was willing and able to survive this transition. I’m honestly and seriously unsure I could ever be close and intimate with another person. Not because I don’t want to, because there is something inside me, that is incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of being with someone else or someone else touching me. Actually, just touching me even holding a hand or putting a hand on me. My first gut reaction is going to be to withdraw and pull back. Mainly because I have not Had intimate relations in years and life just feels fucked up. To me, this is never going to get better, at least that one part so that factors in for me when I talk shit about checking out. I look at a lonely future of isolation.

Apr 22, 2023 11:04:05 AM Me

It’s a neurodivergent thing that I haven’t been able to unpack yet

Apr 22, 2023 11:14:04 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Who can help you unpack it? Are there therapist who specializes in this

Apr 22, 2023 11:14:48 AM Me

Not sure. I haven’t brought it up in session yet mainly because I am not there yet.

Apr 22, 2023 11:15:10 AM Me

There’s a part of my brain that’s been there for years, but the rest of me needs to catch up

Apr 22, 2023 11:15:43 AM Me

In other words, fantasizing about a future, is very different than standing in and facing it

Apr 22, 2023 11:19:45 AM Me

I get stuck a lot every day. My mind will start thinking of some thing and then it locks in suddenly half an hour is gone by for 45 minutes That whole time I’m just zoned out.

Apr 22, 2023 1:32:16 PM Me

Wow. This thread is part of my early life

Apr 22, 2023 1:32:19 PM Me

Twitter

Apr 22, 2023 7:24:25 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 22, 2023 7:29:05 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 22, 2023 8:04:56 PM Me

https://share.icloud.com/photos/09bPps0zIvBfBNQitu-mgCNeA

Apr 22, 2023 8:07:04 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 22, 2023 8:10:18 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 22, 2023 8:13:38 PM Me

I’m out on a hike with Weston and these tracks I’m sharing with you, keep getting served up by the AI one after the other. Every single one is applicable to my current situation. I know people can read shit into a lot of things but if you check out the lyrics on these songs, it’s un fucking canny.

Apr 22, 2023 8:13:46 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 22, 2023 8:14:07 PM Me

I haven’t heard that last track I just sent you since may be 12 years old sitting in the backseat of my dad’s car drive and who the fuck knows where

Apr 22, 2023 8:14:30 PM Me

But that groove is burned into my head. I recognize this song instantly, and I’ve never really tuned into the lyrics until just now and holy shit.

Apr 22, 2023 10:31:20 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 6 minutes) +13038752587

Keeps cutting out on me

Apr 22, 2023 10:31:47 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 5 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I Will listen in the morning

Apr 23, 2023 9:14:07 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 34 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I listen to the clip - wow - I have it heard that sing it along time

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Apr 23, 2023 11:49:02 AM Me

?

Apr 23, 2023 11:51:06 AM Me

When do I bring up wanting half of Lizs retirement account? I ask because I think right now she believes I’m gonna just pack up my underwear and leave, and that’s it. My life plan did not include this so when I liquefied my retirement account to pay for Monica Ros 15 years ago, I never imagined this day coming. I anticipated retiring together and living out our lives together. That’s not happening now, so show me the money

Apr 23, 2023 11:51:52 AM Me

California is a 50-50 state when it comes to splitting up anything in a marriage

Apr 23, 2023 11:52:09 AM Me

And I am worth negative money, so there’s no getting money from me

Apr 23, 2023 11:54:45 AM Me

I just realized that I am a 50 year old plus white male in a capitalistic society, and my net worth is negative tens of thousands of dollars. That’s with an expensive college education too. I have no assets I don’t own house or anything really I have a car but the bank owns that.

Apr 23, 2023 12:37:56 PM Me

I want to acknowledge the amount of ranting I do related to pity. Someone pointed out to me the other day when I was talking about my situation that I was freezing in Waze, trying to get pity. I didn’t know that I was doing this at all. I was just expressing my frustration with my situation. Today’s the first day I felt truly terrified for where I’m headed

Apr 23, 2023 12:39:22 PM Me

I got Sallie asking me about taking me and the boys out to dinner for my birthday next week. How do I politely decline? The ask alone was incredibly triggering to read

Apr 23, 2023 12:42:49 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Why would you declined

Apr 23, 2023 12:42:35 PM +13038752587

Battery died Helping meme I’ll reply a little later

Apr 23, 2023 12:42:49 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Why would you declined
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 23, 2023 12:43:18 PM Me

There are reasons. If I text them, it might turn into a 500 or thousand page manifesto.

Apr 23, 2023 12:44:35 PM Me

Everything is rooted in my depression. I simply have nothing to celebrate in my life. There’s something incredibly in authentic and fake about the idea of me celebrating anything other than my pain stopping.

Apr 23, 2023 12:45:38 PM Me

I just want the pain to stop

Apr 23, 2023 12:46:35 PM Me

And it’s there waiting for me everywhere every morning.

Apr 23, 2023 12:47:46 PM Me

I’ve tried to sit with my pain, and meditate, and just try to be with it. However, when I invited in, I suddenly cannot breathe, have shortness of breath, and a tsunami of sorrow knocks me over.

Apr 23, 2023 12:49:37 PM Me

The depth and magnitude of my pain is gargantuan. In fact, it goes darker, and deeper than I have been. I know this because I can feel it inside of me, unexplored depths. That space frightens me as I think that’s when people check out.

Apr 23, 2023 12:50:07 PM Me

Honestly, I’m getting close to being afraid of myself

Apr 23, 2023 1:55:25 PM Me

3 G’s of Liz

Apr 23, 2023 1:55:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ghosting Gaslighting Greymasking

Apr 23, 2023 1:56:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Brainstorming a lot of open questions I have for Liz. She refuses to open up and share, so I’m putting together a list of questions I want to ask her in person, but I know they’ll be triggering and couldn’t be answered on the spot—too much emotion. Here is an example from what I got…

Apr 23, 2023 1:57:23 PM Me

You’re DONE without talking it through to honor your vows to me. You are leaving me to wonder so many things… What would your father say? I wonder if he would think you’re being honorable? Would he think you were being fair and kind? What would your father say if he were here right now?

Apr 23, 2023 8:09:59 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 30 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

What would be your goal with these questions?

Apr 23, 2023 1:57:43 PM Me

I know the answer to those, and she does too. She won’t want to think about these questions

Apr 23, 2023 1:58:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, back to work…

Apr 23, 2023 2:00:16 PM Me

I gave you all the home support you needed to pursue Kona. I cannot recall a moment when I was genuinely thanked for helping put all your medals on the wall — that smacks of self-absorption. - I felt your self-centeredness. - your sense of self-importance with training and racing - your lack of empathy, kindness, and gratitude toward me for my support - and a preoccupation with your triathlon training Were you ever going to simply say “thank you?” Is it hard to express gratitude for what would not have been possible without my help? Why and how did triathlon become more important to you than me?

Apr 23, 2023 6:51:05 PM Me

The closer she got to Kona, her narcissism knows no bounds. Even now. Peak narcissist

Apr 23, 2023 6:51:28 PM Me

Only thinking of herself

Apr 23, 2023 6:53:49 PM Me

People have begun to say that I need to be careful what I say when with them. Meaning saying disparaging things. Mmm… hard to avoid the fact we all share our family getting blown up by her and her choice. We all had no say, and no discussion

Apr 23, 2023 6:54:18 PM Me

Talking about being with boys, hanging out w them

Apr 23, 2023 6:54:57 PM Me

For all, I know she may have them reporting on me like some kind of spy.

Apr 23, 2023 7:33:11 PM Me

– dashed hope # 639

Apr 23, 2023 8:09:59 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 30 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

What would be your goal with these questions?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 23, 2023 8:13:48 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

What is #639?

Apr 23, 2023 9:00:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dont know. Some random construction number. Its a joke

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Apr 24, 2023 12:20:08 AM Me

Think I need help

Apr 24, 2023 12:20:19 AM Me

Don’t know who to ask

Apr 24, 2023 8:35:35 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Ask Laurie

Apr 24, 2023 8:36:51 AM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I also heard about an app that allows you to find local folks in the area

Apr 24, 2023 8:37:10 AM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Looking it up now

Apr 24, 2023 8:40:51 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Zocdoc

Apr 24, 2023 8:42:04 AM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

I did a quick search in Ojai for psychologist- there are folks with openings

Apr 24, 2023 9:26:47 AM Me

Hi

Apr 24, 2023 9:26:57 AM Me

Still here

Apr 24, 2023 9:27:02 AM Me

FYI

Apr 24, 2023 9:28:35 AM Me

Wasn’t thinking about exiting

Apr 24, 2023 9:30:09 AM Me

Just realized you’ve been putting up with me and my shit around my life for over a year and a half going on two years later this year. I can’t fucking believe that. Just want to say thanks for putting up with my shit.

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Apr 24, 2023 9:30:31 AM Me

I’m tired of life

Apr 24, 2023 9:31:23 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Jumping on a work call

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Apr 24, 2023 9:49:49 AM Me

A few meetings this am then just working

Apr 24, 2023 1:00:44 PM Me

Again realizing how grateful I am for you, listening to my fire hose of pity and despair. While I’ll never say I won’t feel pity or despair again, there are moments when I don’t feel it, so that. My awareness is finally attuned to just how heavy this is hitting my ability to be sharp. I have hard-core cognitive fatigue.

Apr 24, 2023 1:30:52 PM +13038752587

Tune in for a bit if you can

Apr 24, 2023 1:30:55 PM +13038752587

http://artoflivinevent.com/ (http://artoflivinevent.com/)

Apr 24, 2023 1:31:12 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 24, 2023 1:31:17 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Just go to the page on Facebook

Apr 24, 2023 1:33:50 PM Me

Signed up weeks ago

Apr 24, 2023 1:33:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😊

Apr 24, 2023 1:44:45 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Are you tuned in

Apr 24, 2023 2:17:38 PM Me

No, working on my deadline

Apr 24, 2023 4:47:56 PM Me

Just had an idea. I can easily consolidate myself to a small storage space. I was thinking I could hop on a plane and come visit people a little bit over the summer. Come visit you guys and your mom and Sherry and Don, I’m also thinking of visiting Derick and Molly Perry in Texas, and then obviously visiting my parents There is a very good chance that Darragh and possibly Declan will come with me. Let me know high-level what your summer looks like and if you know your mom tree and Dawn are going to be around this summer.

Apr 24, 2023 5:52:02 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 24, 2023 5:54:02 PM Me

Where are you?

Apr 24, 2023 5:54:18 PM Me

Is that Eisenhower pass ahead of you in the mountains?

Apr 24, 2023 6:32:09 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Estes park this is our backyard

Apr 24, 2023 6:36:39 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 24, 2023 6:37:33 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

We live right up against the mountains 🏔️ and Rocky Mountain National Park

Apr 24, 2023 7:06:04 PM Me

Join me and thousands of others at this free Live Event happening soon on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content

Apr 24, 2023 7:06:07 PM Me

https://insig.ht/e/oU69AcyYgzb

Apr 24, 2023 7:06:49 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

What is your schedule tomorrow? Lets get on a call

Apr 24, 2023 7:06:58 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Did you check out zocdoc?

Apr 24, 2023 7:07:15 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

I will check with Tree’s summer plans and let you know

Apr 24, 2023 7:22:37 PM Me

Made it to the top in less than 12 minutes from my steps

Apr 24, 2023 7:22:38 PM Me

This may truly be the hardest thing to leave

Apr 24, 2023 7:43:43 PM +13038752587

Beautiful

Apr 24, 2023 10:34:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yeah, but honestly… I saw Liz today here at the house and heard her voice. I broke down after she left. I’m still in love with her even after all this. I have enough awareness to know this is deeply true.

Apr 24, 2023 10:35:57 PM Me

I feel emotions about her being stoic and unwilling to talk and honor the vows she took. Anyhow, feels like everything is crystalizing—meaning its all clear to me.

Apr 24, 2023 10:40:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I asked Sherry, who I believe you remember from our wedding, about the dating. Her most significant caution to me was to get deeply involved too fast. I’m keenly aware of both the excitement of meeting someone new and even more excitement of finding they have mutual feelings for you. When I explained that I hadn’t felt a woman’s touch in nearly 3 years, no kisses, no hugs, not even a hand on the back. Being a human who I know has a physical love style — I feel some kind of void in my life, hard to explain.

Apr 24, 2023 10:42:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That supposed to say/mean she said dont go too fast INTO a new relationship. Something like don’t lock down with the first nice woman you meet—take your time.

Apr 24, 2023 10:43:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So I’m considering paying money in the app and seeing what happens. See if someone reaches out and wants to meet me.

Apr 24, 2023 11:05:34 PM Me

So I want to ask your opinion on this, of course, and I will say this, that I do still love my wife, and would go back with her in a heartbeat. However, she seems stuck, and the most resolute I have ever seen her in my life. Not to mention she can be pretty damn stubborn when her buttons are pushed, and all of that is combined into one. I have no idea if she’ll ever get to a space where she could see her self with me again But even if that time were to come, do you suppose I sit around like the wife of a soldier who’s lost in the war, waiting and waiting and waiting. Like I said, I feel like I’ve waited a damn long time she’s putting her foot down so, maybe what I need to do is go out and get an apartment and show her that I can take care of myself

Apr 25, 2023 10:01:27 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 51 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Hum- I have some thoughts. When can you talk in the phone today?

Apr 25, 2023 1:53:53 PM Me

Hi there, I just spent an hour and 10 minutes on the phone with Derick. I have to head into meetings in 30 minutes for an hour and a half, then I’m free after 3 o’clock Pacific for the rest of the evening. It would be good to connect later if you can swing it. I still feel like I’m walking to the gas chamber, not knowing what I did wrong.

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Apr 25, 2023 2:04:20 PM Me

Let me know when you might be free

Apr 25, 2023 2:07:12 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll have about 45m at 3pst

Apr 25, 2023 2:09:53 PM Me

That could work. How about after my call is done. I will text you to make sure the coast is clear, and then I can give you a call. Let me know if that works.

Apr 25, 2023 2:11:14 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 57 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like a plan

Apr 25, 2023 4:11:00 PM Me

Are you ready?

Apr 25, 2023 4:11:36 PM +13038752587

Yes

Apr 25, 2023 5:55:26 PM Me

Haven’t stopped crying since we hung up

Apr 25, 2023 7:32:19 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Apr 25, 2023 7:33:12 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 18 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Have the tears subsided for now

Apr 25, 2023 5:56:18 PM Me

Click to download Darragh Mahoney.vcf (29.00 KB)

Apr 25, 2023 5:56:45 PM Me

Click to download Declan Mahoney.vcf (279.00 B)

Apr 25, 2023 7:32:19 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 7:33:12 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 18 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Have the tears subsided for now
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 7:37:06 PM Me

Enough work for one day. Clearing space so there’s a spot to hold my shit until I move it. There’s some thing incredibly depressing about doing this, I feel like I’m building my own coffin ⚰️ and arranging the chairs for the wake.

Apr 25, 2023 7:38:05 PM Me

Failure 😣 Loss I’m in this space all the time. I’m exhausted 😩

Apr 25, 2023 7:38:38 PM Me

Going to make a private video blog

Apr 25, 2023 7:38:55 PM Me

That way, if something does happen, at least there will be some videos to look at

Apr 25, 2023 8:20:00 PM +13038752587

When is your next session with Laurie? Is it solo or both of you?

Apr 25, 2023 8:20:26 PM Me

It’s on Saturday and it’s solo

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Apr 25, 2023 8:21:13 PM Me

Right now, Liz isn’t coming to sessions because she said in session she feels like she has said everything she needs to

Apr 25, 2023 8:23:34 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Ask Laurie If a written dialogue between you and Liz may be beneficial with her (Laurie) as the go between.

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Apr 25, 2023 8:21:29 PM +13038752587

Sent you the replay link for Art of Livin

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Apr 25, 2023 8:21:37 PM Me

Which, of course, to me is like unacceptable because I have so many unknowns

Apr 25, 2023 8:21:56 PM Me

I am listening to an incredible book right now. I’ll send you the link.

Apr 25, 2023 8:22:20 PM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/B078RNT2R6?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow

Apr 25, 2023 8:23:34 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Ask Laurie If a written dialogue between you and Liz may be beneficial with her (Laurie) as the go between.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 8:31:38 PM Me

I think that’s partially the plan. I know that I’ve said more than once I have an answered questions, and I know Laurie has asked me to pull the list together, but as of yet after work most days, I’m wiped from my cognitive load between work and trying to meet the demands, and just trying to get through every day Without failing at life too

Apr 25, 2023 8:45:45 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Keep a doc or Evernote available and add them as they come up - or create an otter folder and speak them in - little by little (one bite at a time)

Apr 25, 2023 9:30:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Tonight is really really really hard

Apr 25, 2023 9:31:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The pain keeps getting worse—more intense when it shows up.

Apr 25, 2023 9:36:31 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

What is the pain? Label it for me

Apr 25, 2023 9:39:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Love

Apr 25, 2023 9:39:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Love pain

Apr 25, 2023 9:40:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

All I did was create space to stack boxes and I’m a mess. Wait until almost all of its out of the house. Or the last bit. That may be it.

Apr 25, 2023 9:41:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Driving off campus, I dont even know if I’ll have the wherewithal to walk off campus.

Apr 25, 2023 9:41:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s the last day, for sure

Apr 25, 2023 9:41:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s a premonition

Apr 25, 2023 9:43:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont deserve this, I’ve been a good person my whole life. I’ve always tried to do the right thing. Why am I being punished so harshly? I can’t make sense of it.

Apr 25, 2023 9:45:14 PM Me

The purpose of all this, as I see it—is to make me suffer greatly, and then destroy me.

Apr 25, 2023 9:46:19 PM +13038752587

Why do you judge it as punishment?

Apr 25, 2023 9:47:03 PM ⇲ Me

Its torture

Apr 25, 2023 9:47:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Mentally and emotionally

Apr 25, 2023 9:47:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I’m being mentally waterboarded

Apr 25, 2023 9:46:43 PM Me

I can’t stop crying and my stomach hurts from it

Apr 25, 2023 9:47:03 PM ⇱ Me

Its torture
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 9:47:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Mentally and emotionally
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 9:47:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I’m being mentally waterboarded
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 9:47:57 PM Me

EVERY DAY I QUESTION MY EXISTENCE — WHY AM I HERE?

Apr 25, 2023 9:48:06 PM +13038752587

Early today - did you sense a glimmer of hope for the future?

Apr 25, 2023 9:48:27 PM Me

Other than suffering — that is my existence

Apr 25, 2023 9:49:02 PM Me

Something Derick wrote was triggering

Apr 25, 2023 9:49:11 PM Me

“Listen, I know this is hard, but she seems to have made a hard decision. You have to move on productively. Your personal interactions with her no longer matter. You have to take care of you. "

Apr 25, 2023 9:50:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Your personal interactions with her no longer matter”

Apr 25, 2023 9:50:53 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I don’t agree with that statement

Apr 25, 2023 9:50:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That kills me

Apr 25, 2023 9:50:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That to me says I no longer matter

Apr 25, 2023 9:51:17 PM ⇲ +13038752587

That is not a logical conclusion

Apr 25, 2023 9:50:51 PM Me

Nothing I ever say or do will ever make her come back

Apr 25, 2023 9:56:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Tony R - told a story yesterday- I’ll paraphrase. When a situation is spinning out of and you focus on the negative out come you are sure to hit it. (Race car analogy- don’t look at the wall). Instead focus on where you want to go and you won’t hit the wall.

Apr 25, 2023 9:50:53 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I don’t agree with that statement
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 9:50:57 PM Me

If that’s to be

Apr 25, 2023 9:50:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am out

Apr 25, 2023 9:51:17 PM ⇱ +13038752587

That is not a logical conclusion
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 9:52:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Why should I have to hand around in constant mental and psychological pain every day… so other people stay happy and aren’t bothered?

Apr 25, 2023 9:52:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

GTFO

Apr 25, 2023 9:52:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There’s comes a point where you just dont give a shit anymore

Apr 25, 2023 9:52:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and I’ve never felt that, but it feels closer than ever

Apr 25, 2023 9:53:22 PM Me

This all sucks immensely

Apr 25, 2023 9:53:38 PM Me

I’m in some fucking alternate universe that I can’t get out of

Apr 25, 2023 9:54:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So just take myself out of the equation — voila

Apr 25, 2023 9:54:34 PM Me

Why do people not hear me when I say I’m headed into a future I dont want to live in

Apr 25, 2023 9:54:38 PM Me

For ANY reason

Apr 25, 2023 9:54:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just dont

Apr 25, 2023 9:54:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I keep coming back to that conclusion over and over and over

Apr 25, 2023 9:55:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m in pain, and I’m venting.

Apr 25, 2023 9:56:02 PM Me

I’m not going to do anything stupid

Apr 25, 2023 9:56:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Tony R - told a story yesterday- I’ll paraphrase. When a situation is spinning out of and you focus on the negative out come you are sure to hit it. (Race car analogy- don’t look at the wall). Instead focus on where you want to go and you won’t hit the wall.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 9:56:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll go to be tonight but this will be right back on the brain screen when I wake up. Wake up crying, like I do every day.

Apr 25, 2023 9:57:57 PM Me

I know what you’re saying with the Tony story

Apr 25, 2023 9:58:10 PM Me

Here’s the rub.

Apr 25, 2023 9:59:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been in pain and suffering already for almost 2 years solid. Before that I was in massive depressive disorder episode that lasted 4 years w/o professional care and self medication.

Apr 25, 2023 9:59:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its been a LONG time to get where I’m at now, just to make it through a day

Apr 25, 2023 10:00:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel so ashamed of my existence. I let the most important person in my life down. I’ll NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR CREATING THE CONDITIONS FOR THIS TO COME ABOUT.

Apr 25, 2023 10:00:36 PM Me

NEVER

Apr 25, 2023 10:00:36 PM Me

NEVER

Apr 25, 2023 10:00:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

NEVER

Apr 25, 2023 10:02:02 PM Me

Hopeless + Helpless weak fuck I am

Apr 25, 2023 10:02:20 PM Me

A real man would handle this so much more smoothly

Apr 25, 2023 10:02:43 PM ⇲ +13038752587

That’s a lie

Apr 25, 2023 10:04:06 PM ⇲ +13038752587

A “real man” as we were raised would bury his emotions

Apr 25, 2023 10:05:04 PM ⇲ +13038752587

| Not a healthy one wise choice
Edited 50 seconds later | Not a healthy choice

Apr 25, 2023 10:06:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

We have a photo of Nat on the side of the refrigerator. I see it every day and stop and talk to him. I so wish he could hear me and me hear something back.

Apr 25, 2023 10:08:32 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Keep asking, keep listening- take it into the silence of meditation

Apr 25, 2023 10:02:35 PM +13038752587

Forgive you must (Yoda voice) this is the key

Apr 25, 2023 10:02:43 PM ⇱ +13038752587

That’s a lie
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:03:02 PM Me

I feel like a fucked up kid

Apr 25, 2023 10:03:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I looked at myself today and didnt recognize me

Apr 25, 2023 10:03:33 PM Me

The disassociation is off the charts too

Apr 25, 2023 10:03:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feels like I’m in a movie or tv show every day

Apr 25, 2023 10:03:55 PM Me

Black Mirror

Apr 25, 2023 10:04:05 PM Me

Bad episode of black mirror

Apr 25, 2023 10:04:06 PM ⇱ +13038752587

A “real man” as we were raised would bury his emotions
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:05:04 PM Me

Maybe, but it drives my wife away. She has a hard time being around me when I’m emotional

Apr 25, 2023 10:07:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Is that true - did she say that.

Apr 25, 2023 10:05:04 PM ⇱ +13038752587

| Not a healthy one wise choice
Edited 50 seconds later | Not a healthy choice

This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:05:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its too much for her

Apr 25, 2023 10:06:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

We have a photo of Nat on the side of the refrigerator. I see it every day and stop and talk to him. I so wish he could hear me and me hear something back.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:06:47 PM Me

He’s the only person who would know what to do

Apr 25, 2023 10:06:58 PM Me

He knows her so well.

Apr 25, 2023 10:07:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Is that true - did she say that.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:08:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe not verbatim. But I do know that when I get triggered an emotional (crying) she’s done with thiat

Apr 25, 2023 10:08:18 PM Me

That

Apr 25, 2023 10:08:32 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Keep asking, keep listening- take it into the silence of meditation
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:10:02 PM Me

K, going to distract myself with some YouTube and try to go to bed early. I can barely open my eyes they are so swollen and puffed out from crying.

Apr 25, 2023 10:12:03 PM Me

My birthday is coming up and others want to celebrate. I feel so opposite of celebratory its sad. One the one hand I want to not disappoint them, but that requires a certain level of masking.

Apr 25, 2023 10:12:33 PM Me

Pretending I’m having fun on my birthday

Apr 25, 2023 10:12:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve actually done it many years

Apr 25, 2023 10:13:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I go through different levels of disliking myself

Apr 25, 2023 10:13:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Up and down all the time — never happy. Incredibly sad that internalizing my father as an inner critic haunts me to this day

Apr 25, 2023 10:14:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, feeling bedtime tired over here

Apr 25, 2023 10:14:22 PM Me

You?

Apr 25, 2023 10:14:24 PM +13038752587

Change your perspective from celebrating to one of them honoring and loving you. Because that is what it really is.

Apr 25, 2023 10:14:51 PM Me

I wish I could feel love

Apr 25, 2023 10:14:56 PM Me

I can’t right now

Apr 25, 2023 10:15:54 PM Me

just too depressed. Ugh. On meds and feeling shit.

Apr 25, 2023 10:16:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think if I was not professionally medicated right now I’d be toast

Apr 25, 2023 10:16:29 PM Me

Ok, enough of me texting endlessly.

Apr 25, 2023 10:16:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Apologies for eating up a lot of your day with my shit

Apr 25, 2023 10:16:55 PM +13038752587

Sending you love

Apr 25, 2023 10:17:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?

Apr 25, 2023 10:18:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

This is from a Flaming Lips song

Apr 25, 2023 10:19:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I truly LOVE this song

Apr 25, 2023 10:19:58 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇲ Me

YouTube

Apr 25, 2023 10:18:08 PM +13038752587

Let your mind rest as best as you can - I listen to sleep music for hours - I think they have 8hout tracks

Apr 25, 2023 10:18:22 PM Me

They do

Apr 25, 2023 10:18:25 PM Me

I’ve seen them

Apr 25, 2023 10:18:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

This is from a Flaming Lips song
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:19:48 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 1 second) +13038752587

One of the universal truths of this ride.

Apr 25, 2023 10:19:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I truly LOVE this song
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:19:58 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇱ Me

YouTube
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 25, 2023 10:20:23 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

I listen in the morning

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Apr 25, 2023 10:21:16 PM Me

Do you realize were floating in space?

Apr 25, 2023 10:21:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?

Apr 25, 2023 10:23:06 PM Me

The sun doesn’t go down, its an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Apr 25, 2023 10:23:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Unite

Apr 25, 2023 10:23:53 PM Me

Unite

Apr 25, 2023 10:23:56 PM Me

g nite

Apr 25, 2023 10:24:39 PM (Read by you after 7 hours, 58 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

😴

Apr 26, 2023 9:55:48 AM Me

Woke up poorly again today. In bed for 10 hours and I still feel exhausted. Have a headache and serious wondering why I’m still here? I have work and stress, and sometimes they happen together. No joy, happiness, contentedness, relaxation, inner peace, satisfaction, well-being. None of that for over 3 years. Why does no one believe me when I say my life sucks and I want out?

Apr 26, 2023 10:06:02 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Who doesn’t believe you?

Apr 26, 2023 9:56:37 AM Me

When the first thought of the day is “why am I here?” Its not great

Apr 26, 2023 10:06:59 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Unfortunately you are not alone with this question. Many people don’t know the answer to this powerful question.

Apr 26, 2023 10:00:02 AM Me

Today is a day of packing and staging my stuff — yesterday was clearing the space. Honestly when all my shit is in a nice pile and weeded out all the junk, I have all my financial accounts separate, I will have “my affairs in order.” That will be a dangerous time for me

Apr 26, 2023 10:08:53 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Why is it dangerous?

Apr 26, 2023 10:02:07 AM Me

I can’t take much more of this

Apr 26, 2023 10:02:57 AM Me

Almost sent this to liz

Apr 26, 2023 10:02:57 AM Me

Soon enough, I will be gone and you won’t have to deal with me anymore—just as you wished.

Apr 26, 2023 10:11:36 AM ⇲ +13038752587

This would not serve the possible future we discussed yesterday. I hear anger, resentment, and FUCK YOU - toward Liz. Which is understandable, however it is something you have to resolve for you, I believe

Apr 26, 2023 10:06:02 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Who doesn’t believe you?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:06:58 AM Me

Been awake not even an hour and I’m done with today already

Apr 26, 2023 10:14:50 AM ⇲ +13038752587

The task you have before you is one you don’t want to do and also has you focus on the negative. It makes sense you are done with it. Like any task the idea of it and meaning we give it is usually worse than doing the task

Apr 26, 2023 10:06:59 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Unfortunately you are not alone with this question. Many people don’t know the answer to this powerful question.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:07:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

most of them are not deeply depressed

Apr 26, 2023 10:07:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And wanting to check out

Apr 26, 2023 10:08:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, I am putting too much stress on you with all this.

Apr 26, 2023 10:08:23 AM Me

You are far away and I can only imagine this is a bit worrying to get all this from me

Apr 26, 2023 10:08:53 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Why is it dangerous?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:10:11 AM Me

because everything is in boxes and I can save everyone a lot of time dealing with all my shit. Its dangerous because its an inviting time to leave. Mom always told you to pickup after yourself before you go. I will at least have done that

Apr 26, 2023 10:10:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Easy to chuck in a dumpster or keep it

Apr 26, 2023 10:11:01 AM Me

I am disposable

Apr 26, 2023 10:11:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Apparently I can’t be fixed or modified, so just get rid of me

Apr 26, 2023 10:16:38 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Well that is a huge lie you are telling yourself. And you are projecting that on to others

Apr 26, 2023 10:17:17 AM ⇲ Me

That’s how I’m made to feel

Apr 26, 2023 10:17:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

That’s a feeling, not a lie

Apr 26, 2023 10:22:14 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Last thought before your meetings and coffee. You are not made to feel this way. This is a story you have created. YOU DECIDE how you feel ( I say this in consideration of the depression.) Something Just popped - Is the struggle between you knowing you are valuable and matter and are loved, versus what the depression is telling and past embedded believes?

Apr 26, 2023 10:23:40 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

“I can’t be fixed or modified so just get rid of me” is a story - a false story. The feelings you feel based on making this a true story, are indeed, your feelings

Apr 26, 2023 10:11:36 AM ⇱ +13038752587

This would not serve the possible future we discussed yesterday. I hear anger, resentment, and FUCK YOU - toward Liz. Which is understandable, however it is something you have to resolve for you, I believe
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:11:59 AM Me

Its not a fuck you to lix

Apr 26, 2023 10:12:02 AM Me

Liz

Apr 26, 2023 10:12:53 AM Me

The pain in my heart and mind is so enormous I can’t see around it. When it comes on it literally makes it hard for me to breathe. I start to heave and feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut.

Apr 26, 2023 10:13:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its hard to function when you’re like that

Apr 26, 2023 10:13:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow I have to go get coffee and “mask up” for my meetings this morning. Its exhausting pretending you’re normal.

Apr 26, 2023 10:14:50 AM ⇱ +13038752587

The task you have before you is one you don’t want to do and also has you focus on the negative. It makes sense you are done with it. Like any task the idea of it and meaning we give it is usually worse than doing the task
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:14:54 AM Me

I’m honestly at the point where I almost dont care anymore. You get too tired trying to cope and carry on like life aok.

Apr 26, 2023 10:15:22 AM Me

K, going silent

Apr 26, 2023 10:15:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But not going to go check out

Apr 26, 2023 10:15:48 AM Me

I have to try and get work done

Apr 26, 2023 10:16:38 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Well that is a huge lie you are telling yourself. And you are projecting that on to others
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:16:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I gotta say there are moments where I’m wondering why I haven’t left already. Everyday is exactly the same for me the past nearly 3 years — pain and suffering.

Apr 26, 2023 10:17:17 AM ⇱ Me

That’s how I’m made to feel
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:17:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

That’s a feeling, not a lie
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:21:49 AM Me

Havent stopped crying since I got up. Over an hour of it now

Apr 26, 2023 10:24:58 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 19 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Channel your inner Bob Newhart - 🛑 Sent with love and understanding

Apr 26, 2023 10:22:14 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Last thought before your meetings and coffee. You are not made to feel this way. This is a story you have created. YOU DECIDE how you feel ( I say this in consideration of the depression.) Something Just popped - Is the struggle between you knowing you are valuable and matter and are loved, versus what the depression is telling and past embedded believes?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:23:40 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

“I can’t be fixed or modified so just get rid of me” is a story - a false story. The feelings you feel based on making this a true story, are indeed, your feelings
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 10:24:58 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 19 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Channel your inner Bob Newhart - 🛑 Sent with love and understanding
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2023 4:35:23 PM Me

Twitter

Apr 26, 2023 4:46:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Good list to explain this - how many do you related with?

Apr 26, 2023 4:48:30 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

We condensed the must-see highlights from McConaughey's Art Of Livin' into 90 mins - you have to see it before it's taken down soon! Watch Today > slkt.io/XLwD

Apr 26, 2023 6:43:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi, can you send me that proposal idea you shared the other day?

Apr 26, 2023 6:43:30 PM Me

The one where you were saying, move out, separation, dialog, etc?

Apr 26, 2023 6:44:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

BTW, today has been a lot.

Apr 26, 2023 6:44:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I still have to find time to pack some boxes before bed. Taking a photo every day to show progress.

Apr 26, 2023 6:46:09 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also, I began impulsively texting liz and almost completed and sent it. 1. Should I do this through Laurie? or would that seem weird coming from her not me? Or maybe it would be me respecting Liz’s boundaries Hi, I want to understand and listen to you, but I’m having a hard time. Mainly because we have no conversational dialog going, and we haven’t in years. I own my part and apologize sincerely for not allowing your voice to be heard. I am different now; I do listen. However, we have not given conversation a chance. Would it be

Apr 26, 2023 6:47:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

#2 question How would you suggest starting a dialog? We need to be able to have a conversation. Otherwise the idea of “co-parenting” is horsehit to me

Apr 26, 2023 6:47:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We cannot only communicate thru email and text about matters relating to our kids IMO.

Apr 26, 2023 6:49:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been thinking. The idea that she says there’s no way back is a soul crusher and really makes me want to just give up. That’s the killer for me. If she would at least entertain the idea that it’s possible for us to re-connect I could see myself sticking around.

Apr 26, 2023 6:49:26 PM Me

Maybe Laurie can help negotiate and remove the emotions for us.

Apr 26, 2023 7:14:58 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Talk to Laurie about this. What you’re saying makes sense.

Apr 26, 2023 7:15:37 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Did Liz ask you not to communicate with her?

Apr 26, 2023 7:15:56 PM +13038752587

I will send the proposal from laptop tonight

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Apr 26, 2023 7:16:32 PM Me

Not outright. And I am being very quiet with her now and we haven’t had a group session in a few weeks. I see her in passing, but that’s it.

Apr 26, 2023 7:16:43 PM Me

She did stop and ask me how my trip to NC was.

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Apr 26, 2023 7:17:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was pleasantly surprised, but answered her in kind, “Good.”

Apr 26, 2023 7:19:10 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Dates are shaping up for Cali - arriving the week of may 22. Probably closer to the end of the week. When does school end for the year?

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Liked by Me

Apr 26, 2023 7:52:45 PM Me

I was thinking how weird it is that where we are now stems from all that rejection. And what hurts the most is that I’m getting the ultimate rejection, the thing I shared most

Apr 26, 2023 7:53:13 PM Me

So big picture she started it and she gets to decide how this ends?

Apr 26, 2023 8:57:23 PM Me

Wow. Back from hike/walk. Mentally exhausting day from both work and life

Apr 26, 2023 8:58:07 PM Me

Got this today, pm

Apr 26, 2023 8:58:22 PM Me

I have to go through my library and pull them all out. I have a lot.

Apr 26, 2023 9:44:34 PM Me

https://share.icloud.com/photos/040BD7C8hvgp4wMjCVHayYg7Q

Apr 26, 2023 9:44:36 PM Me

I will share this video I recorded at the end of my hike walk with the dog, do me a favor and listen on headphones and maybe watch it on the phone and not let anybody else see it, pretty please? I get emotional and I am sharing a lot of personal shit Because I’m just talking out of my head anyway, here it is. I’d be interested to hear your take away from it. Also, I am not in these videos looking for pity with my emotions. It’s just the emotions hit me and they come out through tears at least now anyway, watch the video.

Apr 26, 2023 9:45:02 PM Me

Also 2 more from yesterday

Apr 26, 2023 9:45:15 PM Me

Need to put them online

Apr 26, 2023 9:47:56 PM +13038752587

Send my way- I’m fading into sleep 🛌- I’ll be watch and reply in the morning

Apr 26, 2023 10:04:43 PM Me

Apr 27, 2023 12:22:12 AM Me

https://twitter.com/theholisticpsyc/status/1651320006213500929?s=42&t=73pMjYgsCw4By0MuUzWRCg

Apr 27, 2023 11:04:13 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Good day

Apr 27, 2023 11:04:43 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

The iCloud one never loaded - I’ll double check on laptop

Apr 27, 2023 11:19:49 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes) +13038752587

Beautiful Sunset

Apr 27, 2023 11:23:10 AM Me

Hi. Just out of meeting. Been going for 2 hours straight

Apr 27, 2023 11:23:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Taking short walk and back at it. I have a lot on my plate for work.

Apr 27, 2023 11:26:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Apr 27, 2023 11:27:14 AM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

In the meditation video - only the sounds of the birds come through. I can see emotions bubble up and out. I love that the dog (what’s his name) came to check in and sit with you.

Apr 27, 2023 11:29:33 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

First recording 3 days ago

Apr 27, 2023 11:30:31 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 35 seconds) +13038752587

I will listen when Im alone - watching Lilly and she suddenly is fascinated with what I am doing

Apr 27, 2023 11:32:07 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Just saw the sunset was a video - I watch that too

Apr 27, 2023 11:32:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Video from yesterday

Apr 27, 2023 11:32:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Weston. 3 mins and I dont move. My mind was blank that whole time as well.

Apr 27, 2023 11:32:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That was in ref to the meditation video.

Apr 27, 2023 11:32:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Off to do that now.

Apr 27, 2023 12:51:47 PM Me

https://ai.facebook.com/blog/ai-dataset-animation-drawings/

Apr 27, 2023 12:52:09 PM Me

You can animate the girls drawings. Just upload.

Apr 27, 2023 12:52:09 PM Me

https://sketch.metademolab.com/?trk=public_post-text

Apr 27, 2023 12:52:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Using AI

Apr 27, 2023 12:57:40 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

So many options popping up with AI - I believe the societal shift will come faster than originally expected

Apr 27, 2023 12:58:09 PM Me

Oh yeah

Apr 27, 2023 12:58:15 PM Me

3-5 years max

Apr 27, 2023 12:58:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have a meeting in 2 mins

Apr 27, 2023 12:58:32 PM +13038752587

Google said they were purposely slowing down access to Bard to allow people to adapt

Apr 27, 2023 12:58:38 PM +13038752587

Have a good meeting

Apr 27, 2023 12:58:56 PM Me

Last meeting of day then have to push on tasks. Then need to go offline, maybe hike

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Apr 27, 2023 12:58:59 PM Me

Something

Apr 27, 2023 12:59:15 PM Me

not sure if those videos are worth anything

Apr 27, 2023 12:59:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feels like the same shit I think about over and over

Apr 27, 2023 12:59:29 PM +13038752587

Ill watch when I get quiet tome today

Apr 27, 2023 12:59:34 PM Me

K

Apr 27, 2023 12:59:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

if they’

Apr 27, 2023 12:59:44 PM +13038752587

Does it help you - keep doing them

Apr 27, 2023 12:59:58 PM Me

If they’re insightful for others

Apr 27, 2023 1:00:02 PM Me

Ill keep doing them

Apr 27, 2023 1:00:11 PM Me

Not sure I see value in it unless others do

Apr 27, 2023 1:00:17 PM Me

K meeting time

Apr 27, 2023 4:49:05 PM Me

Twitter

Apr 27, 2023 4:51:44 PM Me

I expected to read myself here. But this feels like Liz.

Apr 27, 2023 4:51:50 PM Me

Twitter

Apr 27, 2023 4:54:31 PM Me

I believe I've emotionally matured significantly in this process. I wish Elizabeth would give me a chance to show her. I know it's a big thing for her. My triggeredness

Apr 27, 2023 7:47:20 PM Me

Any luck watching or being able to Read the outline of that proposal idea?

Apr 27, 2023 8:20:37 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Just got home - day got away with me. Dropped the girls off for a sleepover with cousins. No cleaning up and then early to bed. Lots to accomplish tomorrow. I put both in get it done list for tomorrow

Apr 28, 2023 9:03:21 AM Me

Another day of feeling depressed, sad, and numb. I think somethings shifted this week because sometimes now instead of crying, I’m just numb, silent disassociating, and going off into some other mental place. It’s kind of like daydreaming for me except there’s no thoughts really you’re just staring at the wall and yeah you’re just there. Back when I had major depressive disorder, I actually disassociated for about almost an hour, sitting still staring at the same thing. When I snapped out of it, I thought maybe 10 minutes had gone by 15 at the most, but almost an hour ahead, and it was so not fun .

Apr 28, 2023 9:03:46 AM Me

The fact that it was happening to my brain, compounded my feelings of failure, an ability to control my situation

Apr 28, 2023 9:04:02 AM Me

I hope your Friday is off to a better start than mine

Apr 28, 2023 11:38:37 AM Me

I am the Mahoney Black Sheep. I worked Hard to break the cycle with my kids upbringing, so they wouldn’t have to experience what I did.

Apr 28, 2023 11:38:40 AM Me

Twitter

Apr 28, 2023 12:47:37 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Hopefully the day got better

Apr 28, 2023 12:47:57 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

Like the Black Sheep metaphor

Apr 28, 2023 12:48:09 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Are part of the community

Apr 28, 2023 12:48:14 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

https://selfhealerscircle.com/waitlist/

Apr 28, 2023 12:48:44 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Sending something that may be of interest to you.

Apr 28, 2023 12:49:00 PM Me

Yes I am

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Apr 28, 2023 12:49:56 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Have you engaged with others in the community

Apr 28, 2023 1:23:20 PM ⇲ Me

No

Apr 28, 2023 1:23:37 PM ⇲ Me

im a loner dotty

Apr 28, 2023 1:23:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

“Lone Wolf” Laverne & Shirley

Apr 28, 2023 12:50:35 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Check this place out when you have time…

Apr 28, 2023 12:50:42 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

https://www.esalen.org/visit

Apr 28, 2023 1:23:20 PM ⇱ Me

No
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 1:23:37 PM ⇱ Me

im a loner dotty
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 1:23:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

“Lone Wolf” Laverne & Shirley
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 4:15:57 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

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Apr 28, 2023 4:16:21 PM +13038752587

Out walking around Estes sans the children

Apr 28, 2023 4:17:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ray of fucking sunshine mug. That and everything will be fucking ok.

Apr 28, 2023 4:17:37 PM Me

I like those

Apr 28, 2023 4:18:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the parallelogram statement IS SO TRUE

Apr 28, 2023 4:18:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Teach us how to balance a check book, not balance an abstract equation

Apr 28, 2023 4:19:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

More Opinions tray is hilarious as well.

Apr 28, 2023 4:19:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Apr 28, 2023 4:19:34 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sarcasm is Free. Sprinkle that shit EVERYWHERE

Apr 28, 2023 4:19:36 PM Me

Indeed

Apr 28, 2023 4:26:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

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Apr 28, 2023 4:33:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 28, 2023 7:34:58 PM ⇲ Me

Word

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:05 PM ⇲ Me

you home?

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:14 PM ⇲ Me

Any chance to write that draft?

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I meet with Laurie tomorrow @ 9am.

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Feeling really numb past 2 days

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Sucks

Apr 28, 2023 7:36:07 PM ⇲ Me

Fridays and weekends suck now too.

Apr 28, 2023 7:37:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇲ Me

All I can think of is these are post-Kona weekends that were supposed to be the good times after all that sacrifice. I sit home alone. Every. Day. Every. Night.

Apr 28, 2023 7:37:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Done that a long while now. Ever since I arrived here last June. Almost a year.

Apr 28, 2023 7:40:53 PM ⇲ Me

No purpose. No design.

Apr 28, 2023 7:44:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I dont talk to people. I sit inside my head…

Apr 28, 2023 7:44:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

A lot

Apr 28, 2023 7:44:36 PM ⇲ Me

More speak when spoken to kinda guy these days

Apr 28, 2023 5:45:04 PM Me

Apr 28, 2023 7:34:58 PM ⇱ Me

Word
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:05 PM ⇱ Me

you home?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:14 PM ⇱ Me

Any chance to write that draft?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I meet with Laurie tomorrow @ 9am.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Feeling really numb past 2 days
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:35:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Sucks
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:36:07 PM ⇱ Me

Fridays and weekends suck now too.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:37:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇱ Me

All I can think of is these are post-Kona weekends that were supposed to be the good times after all that sacrifice. I sit home alone. Every. Day. Every. Night.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:37:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Done that a long while now. Ever since I arrived here last June. Almost a year.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:40:53 PM ⇱ Me

No purpose. No design.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:44:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I dont talk to people. I sit inside my head…
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:44:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

A lot
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 7:44:36 PM ⇱ Me

More speak when spoken to kinda guy these days
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 28, 2023 9:21:06 PM Me

It’s a very good thing that when I was at the market today I didn’t buy alcohol. I am happy and sad. Sad because I’d like to be very numb, but happy because I know if I was drinking, my head would be in a really really bad space my brain right now it’s not in the Korean space all the alcohol so there you go anyhow let me know what’s up been waiting to hear back. Remember I have no friends and no life so I just sit around and do nothing now. Absolute opposite of what my life was when I had children so I can appreciate your situation, OK hope to hear from you soon. Cheers.

Apr 28, 2023 11:17:49 PM Me

Hola?

Apr 28, 2023 11:17:54 PM Me

You ok?

Apr 28, 2023 11:18:10 PM Me

Found something that could help me

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Apr 28, 2023 11:18:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/8W-Coaching-Intensive

Apr 28, 2023 11:18:35 PM Me

I just found this woman and her website.

Apr 28, 2023 11:19:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Apr 28, 2023 11:37:42 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

I wanted to respond before it got too late. I did not watch the videos you sent yet. Bring up the numb state of mind with Laurie tomorrow. Also ask her about recommendations for a counselor who specializes in Borderline Personality Disorder

Apr 28, 2023 11:40:37 PM Me

What was the deal that you had proposed? It had something to do with moving out, but being separated, rather than divorce, and there was something else that I cannot remember.

Apr 28, 2023 11:47:56 PM +13038752587

Proposal: The goal is that you and Liz can be great parents and communicate well in regards to them and in general. Once you move out. You want to see a couples counselor (could be Laurie)1x week for a 4-6 months to work through all the issues so the goal can be achieved. You acknowledge Liz’s desire for divorce. You acknowledge your desire to not. However, you are willing to take an intermediary step and get a separation. You also want to let her know what you have done and what you are doing to heal mentally, physically and emotionally.

Apr 28, 2023 11:49:51 PM +13038752587

Heading to bed a few. I’ll be up early and can respond before your session tomorrow

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Apr 29, 2023 9:30:42 AM Me

Hey! Check out this awesome quote on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

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Apr 29, 2023 9:30:42 AM Me

https://insig.ht/idRda8WBozb

Apr 29, 2023 11:03:08 AM (Read by them after 28 seconds) Me

Just done with session

Apr 29, 2023 11:03:37 AM (Read by them after 59 seconds) Me

Lots of sharing. Kept my composure in a moment when I would usually lose it—took a moment to take a breath and all was good.

Apr 29, 2023 11:03:54 AM (Read by them after 43 seconds) Me

Shared - many hard days - deep depression - Basic things, work, eat, sleep, repeat - no life for almost three years - in a weird space - groundless

Apr 29, 2023 11:04:05 AM (Read by them after 32 seconds) Me

ideation and planning thoughts—but no action

Apr 29, 2023 11:04:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Shared idea that Liz is making this all about her. This isn't about her, it's about us, about family. She made a decision about us and about the family without talking to either.

Apr 29, 2023 11:05:22 AM Me

Shared that I have DVD of Wedding and going to watch Nat’s speech to us on our wedding day. Something in my subconscious is telling me to watch it.

Apr 29, 2023 11:05:47 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also shared that I found this lady last night.

Apr 29, 2023 11:05:55 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

The Crappy Childhood Fairy

Apr 29, 2023 11:08:51 AM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 37 seconds) Me

https://player.vimeo.com/video/715862224

Apr 29, 2023 11:17:10 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also, Laurie said I was a “gift” I had a hard time hearing that and told her. I accept it gratefully, and then set it down on the shelf, I NEVER take compliments to heart — I see them as meant for someone else. I’m not worthy—lifelong belief.

Apr 29, 2023 11:20:42 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Wish Liz could see me as a gift. Instead I feel like a disease.

Apr 29, 2023 1:06:07 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like a productive session. 😀

Apr 29, 2023 1:08:02 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

If you can’t see yourself as a gift, it will be hard for others to see you as a gift. What would it take for you to be able to fully accept Laurie compliment?

Apr 29, 2023 1:13:43 PM Me

Every time you take some thing I say, and flip it into some kind of question, this is exactly what I feel like. 🙏

Apr 29, 2023 1:18:17 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Wow - have not thought about that show in a long time Grasshopper

Apr 29, 2023 1:15:02 PM Me

I literally just walked by a pile of shit in the road next to it looks like the letter B

Apr 29, 2023 1:24:16 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Rorschaching dog 🐕 shit and pee. This is a new technique I have not heard about before. 😁

Apr 29, 2023 1:29:54 PM ⇲ Me

🤣🤣🤣

Apr 29, 2023 1:18:17 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Wow - have not thought about that show in a long time Grasshopper
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Apr 29, 2023 1:19:08 PM Me

There is wisdom in the choice of your birds. Sometimes it’s obvious.

Apr 29, 2023 1:24:16 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Rorschaching dog 🐕 shit and pee. This is a new technique I have not heard about before. 😁
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Apr 29, 2023 1:25:05 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Checking out crappy baby website

Apr 29, 2023 1:30:38 PM ⇲ Me

Crappy childhood fairy, nothing to do with crappy babies. Your kids must be acting up.🤣🤣

Apr 29, 2023 1:29:54 PM ⇱ Me

🤣🤣🤣
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Apr 29, 2023 1:30:38 PM ⇱ Me

Crappy childhood fairy, nothing to do with crappy babies. Your kids must be acting up.🤣🤣
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 29, 2023 1:41:53 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Apr 29, 2023 1:42:02 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did you take her quiz?

Apr 29, 2023 1:42:08 PM Me

No

Apr 29, 2023 1:42:17 PM Me

U?

Apr 29, 2023 1:42:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Signed up - sitting in car waiting for Lillty to wake up

Apr 29, 2023 1:42:59 PM +13038752587

Phone at 2%

Apr 29, 2023 1:43:12 PM Me

Watch the vids?

Apr 29, 2023 1:43:22 PM +13038752587

A few

Apr 29, 2023 1:43:32 PM +13038752587

You mean yours v

Apr 29, 2023 1:43:35 PM +13038752587

?

Apr 29, 2023 1:43:39 PM Me

Si

Apr 29, 2023 1:43:50 PM Me

Feel like there a pity party to some degree

Apr 29, 2023 1:44:01 PM +13038752587

Started then Willow threw up

Apr 29, 2023 1:45:45 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The girls had two days at cousins and are tired. Willow came down with a stomach bug last night

Apr 29, 2023 1:46:13 PM ⇲ Me

Micro-organisms had a rave

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Apr 29, 2023 1:45:46 PM Me

Nice

Apr 29, 2023 1:46:13 PM ⇱ Me

Micro-organisms had a rave

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 29, 2023 3:55:50 PM Me

Question for you. I am thinking of applying for the May 7 start up of the eight week counseling. It’s a small group less than 10 people. Can you meet once a week for an hour and a half in the morning on the weekend. Imagine you’re given a workbook or things to work on during the week Anyhow it’s 1600 bucks and it’s pay all upfront or 50-50. In light of everything else I’m trying to do this puts a little cramping my style moneywise That being said you could be incredible value for me and doing this. Value beyond the cost of money, I can make more money, but maybe I shouldn’t miss this opportunity? I look at it in a way that some thing in the universe made that thing show up in YouTube in front of me last night and lead me to her website and made me find that she has this program. I look at it as a happening but it’s just so serendipitous. The SelfHealers group is just that it’s individually driven and while I know I could do that all on my own I think it would be a more valuable experience going through this with other people dealing with the same shit with a counselor who’s done this with dozens and dozens of groups So, you have to fill out an application online, and if you look like a good candidate they want a zoom call with you for 15 minutes just to talk with you before they confirm that you’re in to the program. So it appears as though they’re diligent about who they let into this thing. I think I’ve got more than enough to qualify in terms of baggage, plus I’ve done a lot of work already, so I’m not starting from 0. Let me know what you think

Apr 29, 2023 4:38:39 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

What program is it on there site?

Apr 29, 2023 4:38:59 PM Me

One sec

Apr 29, 2023 4:39:04 PM Me

Getting link

Apr 29, 2023 4:39:18 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Did Laurie have an opinion on the program?

Apr 29, 2023 4:41:32 PM ⇲ Me

No never heard of it

Apr 29, 2023 4:39:57 PM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

If she was aware of it

Apr 29, 2023 4:40:45 PM Me

https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/8W-Coaching-Intensive

Apr 29, 2023 4:41:25 PM +13038752587

Cool - I ll check it out toningt.

Apr 29, 2023 4:41:32 PM ⇱ Me

No never heard of it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 29, 2023 4:41:58 PM +13038752587

that makes sense

Apr 29, 2023 4:42:11 PM Me

I’m emailing plan to her

Apr 29, 2023 4:42:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did you do the quiz

Apr 29, 2023 4:42:24 PM Me

Oh shit no

Apr 29, 2023 4:42:32 PM Me

I’ll do it now

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Apr 29, 2023 4:44:30 PM Me

I’ve had a productive week, and if I stay motivated today, I’ll get a lot done

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Apr 29, 2023 4:45:29 PM Me

Past few months it’s been pretty numb. I still feel them, but I realize I won’t make any progress with Liz unless I get out of the house first. Would you agree with that statement?

Apr 29, 2023 4:46:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

Apr 29, 2023 4:45:58 PM Me

That I need to leave if they have any idea of coming back. Do you agree? That is the path

Apr 29, 2023 4:46:20 PM Me

No way back but thru leaving

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Emphasized by Me

Apr 29, 2023 4:46:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 29, 2023 4:46:28 PM Me

K

Apr 29, 2023 4:46:51 PM Me

What does the rest of your day look like?

Apr 29, 2023 4:46:57 PM Me

And how about tomorrow?

Apr 29, 2023 4:47:40 PM Me

It helps me anticipate delays in your responding to me.

Apr 29, 2023 4:48:10 PM Me

You need to put yourself into an AI. Then I could just text the AI anytime day or night 247365.

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Apr 29, 2023 4:48:19 PM Me

🤣🤣🤣

Apr 29, 2023 4:48:47 PM Me

let me know when you can

Apr 29, 2023 4:49:48 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cleaning up laptop tabs from AI research, chilling with the family, Lilly stuffy and tired, Willow is curl up on the bed watching tv - she can’t eat anything without throwing it up

Apr 29, 2023 4:50:11 PM Me

get some Pedialyte

Apr 29, 2023 4:50:31 PM Me

and if you can get some magical, bubblegum flavor, or some thing that you would never usually give her that she’ll go bananas to drink

Apr 29, 2023 4:50:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

We have electrolyte they will drink - they do no like pedialyte

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Apr 29, 2023 4:50:46 PM Me

don’t worry about the food right now just keep her hydrated

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Apr 29, 2023 4:51:22 PM Me

I would say if she didn’t eat some thing by maybe late Monday afternoon Monday night I might take her in on Tuesday but as long as she’s hydrated that whole time you should be good

Apr 29, 2023 4:51:57 PM Me

Although she is tiny. Maybe give her Sunday night

Apr 29, 2023 4:52:15 PM Me

Actually, I’m pretty sure Dr. google knows the answer to that

Apr 29, 2023 4:52:59 PM Me

Question for you to answer at any random time. Are there any dart leagues, or places to play darts out where you’re at in Colorado?

Apr 29, 2023 4:55:05 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Not sure - I imagine there are

Apr 29, 2023 4:53:17 PM Me

I know that’s totally random

Apr 29, 2023 4:55:05 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Not sure - I imagine there are
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 29, 2023 6:20:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

On the quiz…

Apr 29, 2023 6:21:07 PM Me

18 / 20 — Yes

Apr 29, 2023 6:21:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Could be 19 if you added one word to one question

Apr 29, 2023 6:22:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

actually scratch that 19/20

Apr 29, 2023 6:22:31 PM Me

Still change the word on this one, and I’m yes on all

Apr 29, 2023 6:22:52 PM Me

8. Do your relationships have an unusually high amount of arguing, or is there violence?

Apr 29, 2023 6:23:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would say an unusually high amount of being ignored and forgotten

Apr 29, 2023 9:32:13 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Just getting Lilly to bed - Willow has been in bed all day - threw 2x - running a low fever

Apr 29, 2023 9:32:48 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t touch the rack under the fire - it’s hot

Apr 29, 2023 9:33:24 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 29, 2023 9:33:46 PM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Bag of ice peas is helping- burns more now then when I did it an hour ago

Apr 29, 2023 9:34:52 PM Me

Ouch

Apr 29, 2023 9:56:11 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Did you download free course to check out the practice?

Apr 29, 2023 9:56:18 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/daily-practice

Apr 29, 2023 10:32:11 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Off to bed - I’ll text you availability for a call in the morning. I know we have a birthday party from 11:30-2 as long as Willow feels well enough

Apr 29, 2023 10:32:35 PM Me

No

Apr 29, 2023 10:33:22 PM Me

I’m in Ventura and feeling awkward

Apr 29, 2023 10:33:54 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Why are in Ventura

Apr 29, 2023 10:33:35 PM Me

Fucking surreal

Apr 29, 2023 10:33:54 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Why are in Ventura
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 29, 2023 10:35:54 PM Me

Trying to get out of house

Apr 29, 2023 10:35:58 PM Me

Was bad idea

Apr 29, 2023 10:36:18 PM Me

Triggers everywhere with everything

Apr 29, 2023 10:37:01 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Did you have a plan or destination? Or just wandering around

Apr 29, 2023 10:39:13 PM Me

Not really. OJAI is packed with Tennis tournament ppl

Apr 29, 2023 10:39:20 PM Me

But so is here

Apr 29, 2023 10:40:02 PM +13038752587

Getting out of the house was a good idea. Facing the anxiety, triggers and such is courageous. Well done facing down the dragon

Apr 29, 2023 10:40:16 PM Me

Wandering around like a lost soul by the ocean

Apr 29, 2023 10:40:40 PM +13038752587

That must be a line from a song or poem

Apr 29, 2023 10:40:49 PM +13038752587

😉

Apr 29, 2023 10:40:51 PM Me

Actually

Apr 29, 2023 10:41:07 PM Me

Feeling lost Like a sock…

Apr 29, 2023 10:45:33 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Make notes so you can do some work in the triggers and feelings that are coming up so you can go to work on them later. When you get back - download the free course and dive into it.

Apr 29, 2023 10:45:57 PM Me

How do you capture everything in context like “everything”

Apr 29, 2023 10:47:39 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Make a list of the things that have the strongest resonance. Start with 7 or so. Don’t try to eat the how elephant in one sitting

Apr 29, 2023 10:48:01 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

*whole elephant 🐘

Apr 29, 2023 10:50:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Alright be kind and patient with yourself. I’m proud of you for facing the dragon 🐉. Text me whatever shows up for you. Let me know how the free course is? I’ll reply in the morning

Apr 29, 2023 10:51:02 PM Me

Wow, I just got triggered so hard. I’m ready to check out right this fucking second.

Apr 29, 2023 10:51:15 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

What triggered you

Apr 29, 2023 10:51:52 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

?

Apr 29, 2023 11:11:20 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

You still there

Apr 29, 2023 11:11:42 PM Me

Yes

Apr 29, 2023 11:11:50 PM Me

I’m good

Apr 29, 2023 11:11:54 PM Me

Don’t worry

Apr 29, 2023 11:12:10 PM Me

Going home now

Apr 29, 2023 11:12:18 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

😍

Apr 29, 2023 11:12:37 PM +13038752587

Talk with you tomorrow

Apr 29, 2023 11:18:28 PM Me

Just realized how hard this will be for me

Apr 29, 2023 11:18:55 PM Me

Being forced to do something you don’t want to do is never fun

Apr 30, 2023 12:15:17 PM Me

I really wish that I didn’t wake up Every fucking days like this

Apr 30, 2023 12:48:48 PM Me

Liz ripped into me via text this morning. So triggered

Apr 30, 2023 12:58:57 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 9 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Explain more.

Apr 30, 2023 12:59:21 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I thought you had a June 1st date.

Apr 30, 2023 12:49:51 PM Me

Basically telling me to get the fuck out now

Apr 30, 2023 12:50:50 PM Me

I’ve never had convulsions crying before, but now I have

Apr 30, 2023 12:55:09 PM Me

Im scared how pathetic is that?

Apr 30, 2023 1:00:26 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Not pathetic at all. What is scaring you?

Apr 30, 2023 12:58:57 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 9 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Explain more.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 30, 2023 12:59:21 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I thought you had a June 1st date.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 30, 2023 1:00:26 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Not pathetic at all. What is scaring you?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 30, 2023 1:09:18 PM Me

I’m scared of me

Apr 30, 2023 1:10:25 PM Me

I didn’t know there was more pain, harder pain than I’ve ever felt It showed up today

Apr 30, 2023 1:11:07 PM Me

I’m trying to stay busy to distract myself, so it may be a minute for me to reply

Apr 30, 2023 1:14:33 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Why are you scared of you?

Apr 30, 2023 1:22:31 PM Me

Liz is triggering me this morning with texts

Apr 30, 2023 1:22:44 PM Me

Being mean about money and bills

Apr 30, 2023 1:42:24 PM Me

I have finally calm down a little bit.

Apr 30, 2023 1:43:09 PM Me

It had been going for about two hours, strong. Super intense feelings of just being done with life and done with everything. Just done done done

Apr 30, 2023 1:44:01 PM Me

Yeah, energy was really impulsive and I’m just glad I didn’t have anything around me that I could hurt myself with. I did bang my head against the wall three times pretty hard and that hurt and there were noises coming out of me when I was crying that I’ve never heard a human being hiccup before guttural weird noises

Apr 30, 2023 1:44:46 PM Me

Anyway, it’s like anything it comes and then it passes like clouds. I just have to remind myself to stick it out. The thing is when you’re in the middle of it you don’t think it’s ever going to end.

Apr 30, 2023 1:46:30 PM Me

I was just feeling a lot of pressure reading Lyza‘s texts to get the fuck out of the house. She actually texted me at one point and said you can get out tomorrow. She was really pissed through text and I could tell. I think that’s what our relationship has boils down to is random text shots at each other. This sucks Anyhow I have a some shit I got to get done today and I am so distracted and mentally it’s gonna be very hard to pull off.

Apr 30, 2023 1:47:42 PM Me

I also asked her who she’s been hanging out with, and I have not gotten a reply

Apr 30, 2023 2:12:20 PM Me

Hey, you never replied about my 19/20 on the quiz

Apr 30, 2023 2:33:09 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Wow - that is almost all of them. However, not surprising.

Apr 30, 2023 2:33:19 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Did you check out the fre course

Apr 30, 2023 2:33:09 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Wow - that is almost all of them. However, not surprising.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 30, 2023 2:33:19 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Did you check out the fre course
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 30, 2023 2:34:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not yet, but I want to apply for the 8 week course that starts in a week. The idea she talks about sounds incredible if possible through doing the work. I’m game for sure because I dont want to feel like this and have my past running my future anymore

Apr 30, 2023 2:35:40 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

Start the application process. Hold off on investment until you jump into free course as I believe it is the key principle of the intensive

Apr 30, 2023 2:36:24 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Did you and Liz agree on a move out date?

Apr 30, 2023 2:36:53 PM ⇲ Me

We didnt agree, I was told when to leave.

Apr 30, 2023 2:36:53 PM ⇱ Me

We didnt agree, I was told when to leave.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 30, 2023 2:37:08 PM Me

“She wants you out by June 1st”

Apr 30, 2023 2:37:11 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I thought you presented a plan

Apr 30, 2023 2:37:21 PM +13038752587

Before that request

Apr 30, 2023 2:37:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just emailed the plan to Laurie

Apr 30, 2023 2:37:33 PM +13038752587

So she never saw it?

Apr 30, 2023 2:37:42 PM Me

Im confused

Apr 30, 2023 2:37:46 PM +13038752587

Me too

Apr 30, 2023 2:37:55 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

Hold on I’ll call

Apr 30, 2023 2:38:10 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Need to bring laundry

Apr 30, 2023 2:38:14 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

5m

Apr 30, 2023 2:38:22 PM Me

K

Apr 30, 2023 5:43:25 PM Me

Defeated

Apr 30, 2023 5:43:56 PM Me

That’s a giant feeling for me right now.

Apr 30, 2023 5:44:13 PM Me

Lost love and life

Apr 30, 2023 8:14:39 PM Me

Apr 30, 2023 8:31:44 PM Me

Apr 30, 2023 8:43:01 PM Me

Apr 30, 2023 9:01:06 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Was the last one of sunset tonight

Apr 30, 2023 9:11:49 PM Me

Yes

Apr 30, 2023 9:11:56 PM Me

I sent it right after I took it

Apr 30, 2023 9:12:16 PM Me

I have hundreds of photos like that from my hiking in the hills over 20 years

Apr 30, 2023 9:17:30 PM Me

Thx for talking today. I was thinking of a time boxed 5 min daily FaceTime call

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Apr 30, 2023 9:19:10 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Did you do first part of application for intensive? Did you check out the free course?

Apr 30, 2023 9:21:09 PM Me

No just getting done with shower and dinner. Going to check it out tonight. I have some of her videos Queued up to watch.

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Apr 30, 2023 9:21:47 PM Me

Went on a hike with the dog, and before that I was trying to make some progress on putting Declan’s new window in. We have rain coming on Wednesday so I’m up against it.

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Apr 30, 2023 9:44:38 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to bed. Early to rise

Apr 30, 2023 9:45:58 PM Me

Ok

Apr 30, 2023 9:46:12 PM Me

I will try the same we will see

May 01, 2023 9:02:25 AM Me

This is the card Declan and Darragh left me last night on my desk. Made me cry for a long time.

May 01, 2023 9:03:06 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Birthday!

May 01, 2023 9:03:42 AM Me

Great sentiment but honestly struggling with happy

May 01, 2023 9:04:13 AM Me

I wish I didn’t feel numb to life

May 01, 2023 9:04:38 AM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

That is beautiful

May 01, 2023 9:05:01 AM Me

I’m still crying about it

May 01, 2023 9:05:08 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You don’t feel numb - I know you keep saying that - but your tears say otherwise

May 01, 2023 9:06:00 AM Me

Numb for me is the absence of happiness and joy. I have been numb for about two years.

May 01, 2023 9:06:14 AM Me

I have no problem being sad and crying and what not

May 01, 2023 9:10:38 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Flip that shit around to happy and smiling 😊

May 01, 2023 9:08:43 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Lot’s of love for you. It’s all around you. Part of you feels it and then the mind jumps in to tell you that your aren’t worthy and don’t deserve it. You are worthy and you do deserve it. My wish for you today is… That you accept the love today. Allow it to simply “be” without any expectation or mind trickery.

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May 01, 2023 9:09:27 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe this as a mantra for the day - “I allow the love to enter my life”

May 01, 2023 9:10:38 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Flip that shit around to happy and smiling 😊
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 01, 2023 9:11:45 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Oh yeah! I have something for you. Look for it in the mail later this week.

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May 01, 2023 9:12:11 AM Me

I so wish that I could have my marriage back and happy for my birthday

May 01, 2023 9:12:26 AM Me

So fucking hard

May 01, 2023 9:12:49 AM Me

Meditation time

May 01, 2023 9:14:09 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - I in meeting from 9.30 to 10.30, then 11-3

May 01, 2023 9:17:01 AM Me

K

May 01, 2023 9:17:48 AM Me

Working until 1030 then driving to Santa Paula DMV for my new drivers license picture. Then headed home. I may go get an hour massage in town this afternoon. We’ll see.

May 01, 2023 9:22:56 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Definitely get the massage

May 01, 2023 9:57:13 AM Me

I didn’t know this, but today was David G’s birthday and he just did a live meditation through Insight Timer end. It was really good.

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May 01, 2023 12:43:05 PM Me

Woman at DMV complimented me on my hair 👀

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May 01, 2023 2:57:44 PM Me

Just done with a hot oil and a hot stone massage for an hour and oh I was ready to just go to sleep on the table. I did not want to get up. I’m sitting in my car now yawning Anyhow, it was good

May 01, 2023 3:02:12 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

AHH- Glad to hear that 😊

May 01, 2023 3:29:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Back home. Now I work to prep for tomorrows meeting

May 01, 2023 3:29:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Presentation

May 01, 2023 3:55:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I think you’re done with meetings

May 01, 2023 3:57:34 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I am

May 01, 2023 3:57:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

working now? Or you done? Kid / Family Time?

May 01, 2023 3:58:25 PM +13038752587

Break for 15 the. Pickup Lilly

May 01, 2023 3:58:37 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I got happy birthday wishes from everyone with one stark exception

May 01, 2023 3:59:01 PM Me

She texted me HBD last year. Guess I’m not on the xmas card list either

May 01, 2023 4:00:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel a vindictiveness from this entire experience. I was meditating on my marriage, and honestly she held on to everything she had issues with for what seems like forever. She never wanted to communicate or talk about the issues. She’s either hiding something, or someone is having a profound influence on her. Like I said, this is not the Liz I know.

May 01, 2023 4:01:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont know what to do

May 01, 2023 4:01:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m still in love with her. What do I do with that? Other than continue to have a broken heart.

May 01, 2023 4:02:29 PM Me

It all hurts far too much — the broken heart hurts more than the depression

May 01, 2023 4:06:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And when I have both going intensely at the same time? That’s when I get scared of myself. I can tell if given the chance… see ya tomorrow! Good thing is I can see it, I know its there, and I’m not in denial about it being threatening.

May 01, 2023 4:07:36 PM Me

I’ve had that combination a few times now and its a matter of riding it out. Like a bad acid trip.

May 01, 2023 4:33:41 PM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry for the abrupt end to call.

May 01, 2023 4:34:01 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

Have a great dinner with the boys.

May 01, 2023 4:34:14 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Chat with you tomorrow

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May 01, 2023 4:34:32 PM Me

All good

May 02, 2023 1:13:46 AM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dharmapunx-nyc/id680768069

May 02, 2023 8:13:24 PM Me

Feeling very 😞

May 02, 2023 8:14:37 PM Me

What u up to?

May 02, 2023 8:16:09 PM +13038752587

Sorry to hear that

May 02, 2023 8:16:25 PM Me

I felt a major shift in my being yesterday I was aware of it while it was happening

May 02, 2023 8:16:36 PM +13038752587

Sitting on a couch shivering with a fever with Lilly sitting on me with a higher fever

May 02, 2023 8:16:56 PM Me

From Willow?

May 02, 2023 8:17:17 PM +13038752587

Text away - I will respond when ibuprofen kicks in

May 02, 2023 8:17:42 PM +13038752587

All four kiddos - from one of the schools most likely - I guess its been going around

May 02, 2023 8:17:46 PM +13038752587

W

May 02, 2023 8:17:56 PM +13038752587

What was the shift?

May 02, 2023 8:18:29 PM Me

My entire physical body changed its frequency

May 02, 2023 8:19:14 PM Me

I can feel the frequency my body is at. It’s some thing I became way attuned to after meditating as much as I have.

May 02, 2023 8:19:40 PM Me

If you get still enough and you still feel like you’re moving or vibrating, that’s it

May 02, 2023 8:20:18 PM Me

I’ve told people in the past it’s like there’s a hum inside your body a mmmmmmmm going on for a long time inside your body

May 02, 2023 8:37:28 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

That’s cool that you can feel it. The energy moving around

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May 02, 2023 8:38:24 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Shivering in bed now going to see if I can sleep

May 02, 2023 8:58:12 PM Me

Ok. Hope you feel better soon. I may text more. Have some thoughts

May 02, 2023 11:50:49 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

May 02, 2023 11:53:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just found this tonight. Initially I thought I was BPD. I imagine you heard me talking about it_the silent type. However I believe I may have both of these I have all the middle, I have all the orange symptoms ALOT, and I have some of the yellow, but not all. I should go get a real diagnosis from someone that does it professionally

May 03, 2023 10:04:52 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Great find. And yes a professional is a great idea 💡

May 03, 2023 10:06:13 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Willow is recovered. Lilly is still dealing with it. I feel ok today. A bit tired. The cold hit me hard yesterday.

May 03, 2023 10:06:25 AM Me

Cold with fever??

May 03, 2023 10:06:34 AM Me

GM btw

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May 03, 2023 10:06:36 AM +13038752587

Sarah has an eye infection. She headed to urgent care.

May 03, 2023 10:07:07 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Stomach flu. For the three of us

May 03, 2023 10:07:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oy

May 03, 2023 10:07:16 AM Me

sux

May 03, 2023 10:07:24 AM +13038752587

| I’m supposed g tea slowly
Edited 15 seconds later | I’m sipping tea slowly

May 03, 2023 10:07:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

At least that comes/goes fast

May 03, 2023 10:22:55 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Did you see the text from Tree with both of us on the thread?

May 03, 2023 10:23:00 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Is that something you could do easily?

May 03, 2023 10:23:13 AM Me

Yeah

May 03, 2023 10:23:17 AM Me

And yeah

May 03, 2023 10:23:37 AM Me

I have a lot of meetings today, so there will be good stretches of time where I’m just sort of sitting and listening, I should be able to take care of it

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May 03, 2023 11:26:08 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

May 03, 2023 11:26:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I didnt get to it. I will do it first thing tomorrow am

May 04, 2023 12:14:09 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

YouTube

May 04, 2023 12:37:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

May 04, 2023 5:18:49 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

May 04, 2023 5:18:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Today, May the 4th be with you day, Spotify turned their time status bar inside the user interface into a light saber.

May 04, 2023 9:07:28 PM Me

👩‍🚀

May 04, 2023 9:07:32 PM Me

This is Major Tom to Ground Control

May 04, 2023 9:10:13 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ground control is in sleep/recover mode. Is a Major Tom still tethered to the ship?

May 04, 2023 10:10:58 PM Me

Yeah. Work has been distracting, but have felt a BIG shift since by birthday that has continued to this point. I’m calm and not miserable. I’m not happy, but I’m not in meltdown on and off.

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May 04, 2023 10:11:12 PM Me

Hope you are feeling better—and the whole familia

May 05, 2023 9:39:31 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Bonjour - kids are better. Sarah and I 80% better.

May 05, 2023 9:59:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi, was just going to text to see the status

May 05, 2023 1:57:24 PM Me

Totally random but saw these 1:01 apart today

May 05, 2023 2:28:49 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 22 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

May 05, 2023 4:09:26 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Saw this van today’s

May 05, 2023 4:10:04 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

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May 05, 2023 4:10:04 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Counseling company

May 05, 2023 4:10:07 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

May 05, 2023 4:52:23 PM Me

That graphic and statement on the back of the Mercedes would make me contact them and check them out

May 06, 2023 10:52:13 PM Me

Hello?

May 06, 2023 10:55:57 PM Me

Feeling the grim reaper over my shoulder again

May 07, 2023 11:02:47 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 1 minute, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Just got this

May 07, 2023 11:02:58 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

How are you feeling today?

May 07, 2023 4:04:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Having to pack to stay on track, so a bit triggered today.

May 07, 2023 4:04:57 PM (Read by them after 20 seconds) Me

Emailed you invites to 2 of the fear/resentment exercises I did from CrappyFairy.

May 07, 2023 4:05:12 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Interesting reading. Wondering if anything surprises you on that.

May 07, 2023 4:05:23 PM Me

If you can keep it on the DL that would be great.

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May 07, 2023 4:53:51 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Will read tonight.

May 07, 2023 4:54:29 PM Me

Thx

May 07, 2023 4:55:16 PM Me

Going to do another list tonight after packing and see if anything different comes up

May 07, 2023 9:21:53 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 41 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

First read through seemed like you had some good insights? How did you feel after doing them. I read again tomorrow to see if anything stands out.

May 07, 2023 9:22:37 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 40 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Off to bed. Sleep 💤 well.

May 08, 2023 7:46:53 PM Me

SOOOOOOO Good

May 08, 2023 7:46:59 PM Me

https://insig.ht/XZgBXW5fEzb

May 09, 2023 12:25:29 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

YouTube

May 09, 2023 2:06:07 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

How goes your day?

May 09, 2023 2:06:40 PM Me

Not great. Having some hard periods

May 09, 2023 2:08:14 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Car at mechanics Girls got haircut Just finished lunch at park - 77 in Longmont

May 09, 2023 2:08:34 PM +13038752587

Did you sign up for the intensive program

May 09, 2023 2:08:34 PM Me

I think I may be trying to fool myself

May 09, 2023 2:08:40 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

May 09, 2023 2:08:57 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Like the meme - haha

May 09, 2023 2:09:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

When I tell people I’m ok, that’s what its like inside my head

May 09, 2023 2:10:39 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

You have some fire 🔥 extinguishers in there too

May 09, 2023 3:27:09 PM Me

Getting triggered intensely It hurts Trigger is being alive, triggers everywhere makes me think of her 😢

May 09, 2023 3:27:27 PM Me

Remembering things

May 09, 2023 3:27:40 PM Me

Makes it all hurt fresh

May 09, 2023 3:28:09 PM Me

I took the boys to get coffee and on the drive back I just started crying

May 09, 2023 3:28:36 PM Me

1step forward 10000 backward

May 09, 2023 3:46:47 PM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

The waves of emotions - like the tide will recede again

May 09, 2023 4:55:54 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I have finally woken up to my life. Been depressed so long it was a wall that kept the full impact away

May 09, 2023 4:56:10 PM Me

I see it now.

May 09, 2023 4:59:09 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

May 09, 2023 5:17:13 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

This seems more like a vision created from depression.

May 09, 2023 5:34:40 PM Me

Maybe, but it’s the reality I see and feel

May 09, 2023 8:41:30 PM Me

May 09, 2023 8:41:39 PM Me

Packed

May 09, 2023 8:41:49 PM Me

The dresser

May 11, 2023 11:09:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Place I’m hoping to tour tomorrow. This would be my first choice:

May 11, 2023 11:09:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Zillow

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May 11, 2023 11:10:38 AM Me

Not cheap, but IMO, worth the privacy and autonomy. Other places are connected to main house, etc. Or you’re going through main house property to get to your place. Feels like you’re being monitored. I know, weird.

May 11, 2023 11:11:15 AM Me

I did tour one place yesterday. Cheaper, smaller, and NOT nearly as nice outside/around property

May 11, 2023 1:11:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And it’s in a VERY quiet part of town, which I’m willing to pay for. Dont want traffic and random people noise 😊

May 11, 2023 2:09:54 PM Me

I JUST LOST MY JOB

May 11, 2023 2:10:08 PM Me

LITERALLY MOMENTS AGO

May 11, 2023 2:10:12 PM Me

I’M FROZEN

May 11, 2023 2:23:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 19 seconds) +13038752587

What?

May 11, 2023 2:25:09 PM Me

Yes

May 11, 2023 2:25:18 PM Me

Sitting here literally shaking

May 11, 2023 2:26:12 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - deep breathes

May 11, 2023 2:26:42 PM Me

I can’t breathe

May 11, 2023 2:26:47 PM +13038752587

I literally just heard something and immediately thought of you. - income opportunity

May 11, 2023 2:26:50 PM Me

Hyperventilating now

May 11, 2023 2:26:56 PM Me

Fuck

May 11, 2023 2:27:08 PM Me

Think I’m going to puke

May 11, 2023 2:27:36 PM +13038752587

Let the feelings flow.

May 11, 2023 2:28:02 PM +13038752587

A door has opened

May 11, 2023 2:28:32 PM Me

Have to put my shit in storage and hope I can pay the bill on it and not get my shit taken away

May 11, 2023 2:28:45 PM Me

I have to move out in 2 fucking weeks

May 11, 2023 2:29:00 PM +13038752587

Don’t run down the oh shit the sky is falling path

May 11, 2023 2:29:03 PM Me

Was going to live in my car, but that might be taken away

May 11, 2023 2:29:09 PM Me

Oh yeah baby

May 11, 2023 2:29:13 PM +13038752587

It won’t

May 11, 2023 2:29:15 PM Me

Homeless in 2 weeks

May 11, 2023 2:29:23 PM +13038752587

You will not be

May 11, 2023 2:29:57 PM Me

I have to honor my promise to Liz and do what I said I would. She already said she doesn’t care where I go, just GTFO

May 11, 2023 2:30:20 PM Me

I was planning on living in my car until I could sign for an apartment. But now….

May 11, 2023 2:30:52 PM Me

I’ll have to stop working with the therapist I’ve spent so much time investing in getting her to know our shit. Its too expensive

May 11, 2023 2:31:00 PM Me

So fucked by this

May 11, 2023 2:31:18 PM Me

Totally money for them. I’m not mad, it’s business.

May 11, 2023 2:31:26 PM Me

The blindside its what’s killing me

May 11, 2023 2:31:57 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Be back in 15m

May 11, 2023 2:32:09 PM Me

Ok

May 11, 2023 2:32:46 PM Me

I’m literally out of work right now. They’re cutting off my access to everything later today.

May 11, 2023 2:53:20 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Was the contract up

May 11, 2023 2:53:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes, may 15th

May 11, 2023 2:53:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Texting Liz right now to let her know my situation.

May 11, 2023 2:53:59 PM Me

Going to start applying today

May 11, 2023 2:54:14 PM Me

At least looking and back at it again

May 11, 2023 2:55:00 PM Me

I just need money to pay my bills and one meal a day. I can live in my car until I can make my life change.

May 11, 2023 2:57:27 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

There are opportunities out there

May 11, 2023 2:57:43 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I just picked up a few gigs on Upwork

May 11, 2023 2:58:09 PM Me

I tried that for weeks, got nowhere

May 11, 2023 2:58:11 PM +13038752587

And I will be launching an AI group next week

May 11, 2023 2:58:20 PM Me

Even paid for credits to bump my shit cup

May 11, 2023 2:58:22 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It’s hit or miss on Upwork

May 11, 2023 2:58:23 PM Me

up

May 11, 2023 2:58:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I got nothing for all the time spent there

May 11, 2023 2:59:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont think my skills are right for that market - meaning yeah I can do anything anyone asks, but they’re looking for someone FAR cheaper than me

May 11, 2023 2:59:39 PM Me

Honestly I’m numb at the moment

May 11, 2023 2:59:47 PM Me

Sitting here at computer

May 11, 2023 3:00:16 PM +13038752587

I’m charging 75/hour

May 11, 2023 3:00:30 PM +13038752587

Do you want to talk?

May 11, 2023 3:00:41 PM Me

I feel like I need to go for a walk and then come back to start looking.

May 11, 2023 3:00:48 PM +13038752587

I have a few minutes away from people

May 11, 2023 3:00:51 PM Me

Shifting right now hurts my head

May 11, 2023 3:00:55 PM Me

Sure

May 11, 2023 3:01:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Call me

May 11, 2023 3:18:27 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Yes Sounds good

May 11, 2023 3:20:01 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

The job is Called Prompt engineers

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May 11, 2023 6:18:14 PM Me

I’m beside the water Meditated and played a track that serendipitously spoke to me, and was extremely triggering. But triggering I think in a good way to get me out to think about certain things. Mainly what’s important to me. As much as I liked working at Hatch, there were things that were important to me that weren’t happening there honestly. And I knew that some of it would be a very hard uphill battle.

May 11, 2023 6:19:40 PM Me

Heading home in a few minutes, then taking the boys to town to the market. Then I’ll be home and starting the next search. If I draft up a list of to do’s might be good to throw it by you and see what you think

May 11, 2023 6:19:47 PM Me

I wanna make sure I’m not being blind to something

May 11, 2023 6:37:38 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Absolutely

May 11, 2023 6:56:13 PM Me

Back home showering and going to eat and get online. I had an idea for my website on the hike

May 11, 2023 7:36:54 PM Me

Numb

May 11, 2023 7:37:02 PM Me

Disassociated

May 11, 2023 9:08:46 PM Me

Not sure what I’m feeling. Maybe it’s nothing, or everything and I’m so overwhelmed I’m mentally flatlined.

May 11, 2023 9:09:31 PM Me

Have to return the amazing MacBook 💻 Pro and cool monitor

May 11, 2023 9:09:53 PM Me

Back to old equipment for me

May 11, 2023 9:12:30 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

I forgot they gave you equipment- good thing macs are fun no matter the age

May 11, 2023 9:12:58 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

I still use my 2010 and the new one is a 2015

May 11, 2023 9:13:07 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Antiques

May 11, 2023 9:13:30 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

And they still are awesome machines

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May 11, 2023 9:26:27 PM Me

I’ll share my document as soon as it’s ready. I’m also sending you an updated résumé.

May 11, 2023 9:27:30 PM Me

Waiting for my tater tots to cook. I ran to the store before they closed. Was really craving tater tot‘s, so it’s tater tots and then finish watching the Denver Nuggets crush the Phoenix Suns and then maybe some art before I go to bed Thinking of channel some of my Energy etc. into art for a bit

May 12, 2023 11:39:34 AM Me

Hi

May 12, 2023 11:39:47 AM Me

You working today?

May 12, 2023 11:40:04 AM Me

Curious what you biz hours are.

May 12, 2023 11:40:29 AM Me

Been doing updates on computers all morning

May 12, 2023 11:40:48 AM Me

Resume update is next

May 12, 2023 12:28:51 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Yes Generally 9-4

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May 12, 2023 12:29:36 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Had a call now but waiting to hear from them

May 12, 2023 12:45:46 PM Me

doing some mediation now.

May 12, 2023 12:46:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

still feeling numb

May 12, 2023 3:36:09 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Signed you up for a saas Relatable check it out let me know what you think of the tool

May 12, 2023 3:52:10 PM Me

K

May 12, 2023 3:53:13 PM Me

Just home from touring apartments Had an appointment I made before losing the gig and kept it. Nice place, quiet.

May 12, 2023 3:53:27 PM Me

Will be sending you some things in the next hour or two, so be on the lookout

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May 12, 2023 6:05:06 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

I emailed you a share link to my Notion world. I bought Thomas J Franks “Ultimate Brain” Notion Template that uses Tiago Forte’s PARA principles — talk about organizing the shit out of things so you dont forget ANYTHING

May 12, 2023 6:06:00 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Checking it out now

May 12, 2023 6:09:30 PM Me

Cool. Working on resume text now. Grammarly has AI built in

May 12, 2023 6:09:38 PM Me

Going to create new version with that

May 12, 2023 6:09:42 PM Me

And with ChatGPT

May 12, 2023 6:09:46 PM Me

Then compare the 2

May 12, 2023 6:10:00 PM Me

I’ll be sure to share the results, will be tracking in a spreadsheet

May 12, 2023 6:10:18 PM Me

Aiming to have all this done before bed 😊

May 12, 2023 6:14:25 PM +13038752587

I can run it through Bard too

May 12, 2023 6:14:35 PM Me

Sweet 😊

May 12, 2023 6:14:41 PM Me

Shouldn’t take too long

May 12, 2023 6:18:47 PM Me

Also @ hatch I used this timer tracking app for keeping track of my shit. It has a chrome plugin that lets to start stop projects. I found it VERY customizable. Not sure what you use to track your time on things but this works really well timecamp.com

May 12, 2023 9:13:57 PM Me

just emailed you a link to a spreadsheet with my current resume text taken thru 2 different AI tools.

May 12, 2023 9:15:49 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Did you start with the original each time?

May 12, 2023 9:15:57 PM Me

yes

May 12, 2023 9:16:01 PM Me

its on the left

May 12, 2023 9:16:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

column titles on top

May 12, 2023 9:16:29 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have a complete resume

May 12, 2023 9:16:44 PM Me

yes

May 12, 2023 9:17:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

still need to add Hatch work to it. Going to pull Thacher off when I do that.

May 12, 2023 9:17:42 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

May 12, 2023 9:17:47 PM +13038752587

Email it to me as is for now in a doc format not pdf

May 12, 2023 9:18:10 PM Me

I have to stitch that together from the InDesign file

May 12, 2023 9:18:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

these are the export options it give me from InDesign

May 12, 2023 9:19:24 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

What are the options

May 12, 2023 9:21:23 PM Me

wont let me add the screen capture

May 12, 2023 9:21:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no doc

May 12, 2023 9:21:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

pub

May 12, 2023 9:22:26 PM +13038752587

Email it as is then

May 12, 2023 9:22:36 PM +13038752587

Let’s see if I can copy it out

May 12, 2023 9:23:16 PM +13038752587

What was your prompt for GPT

May 12, 2023 9:27:12 PM Me

EPUB

May 12, 2023 9:33:43 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

It says you can export asRTF or PDF

May 12, 2023 9:34:06 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

How do you upload it on applications?

May 12, 2023 10:16:20 PM Me

PDF

May 12, 2023 10:16:35 PM Me

Sorry making dinner for me and the boys

May 12, 2023 10:16:44 PM Me

Nothing like saying dinner is ready at 10 after 9 PM

May 12, 2023 10:47:54 PM Me

Tinnitus is LOUD

May 12, 2023 11:24:35 PM +13038752587

Off to bed - send me the pdf via email

May 12, 2023 11:24:43 PM Me

K

May 13, 2023 9:33:07 AM Me

Hi there, getting ready for my therapist session. Today and tomorrow working on the website and résumé updates and goal is to have everything updated this weekend and start applying to places that look interesting. Aside from the résumé deal, I’m struggling with the idea of a side hustle. I see so many videos of people making money Doing XYZ, and what they’re doing is not hard, but I cannot figure out what I can do that would have value to others. I am in it so I can’t see the value. I need someone outside of me to say I know you can do these things in these are very valuable to other people, and they would pay money for them to save them time. I don’t know what that is, but I suspect I have maybe one or two things that I could monetize in someway but don’t know what they are. I’m not looking at creating a course. I’m thinking more in the realm of templates, etc. But I may be wrong I’m not sure what the marketplace needs right now maybe you know? Let me know what your weekend is like, if you’re working at all or you’re out and about with family. I’ll be sending things your way today like the résumé and maybe some sketches for my website. Update idea. It’s not extensive it’s just a change in strategy. OK talk later.

May 13, 2023 9:33:18 AM Me

Oh, and my autistic self forgot to say to you good morning!

May 13, 2023 9:59:04 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

May 13, 2023 9:59:20 AM Me

hi, about to go into therapy session

May 13, 2023 9:59:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

45 mins

May 13, 2023 9:59:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

then back on resume

May 13, 2023 9:59:33 AM Me

see the bard column

May 13, 2023 9:59:33 AM +13038752587

You have many skills that could be translated into value offers

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May 13, 2023 9:59:37 AM Me

can you get that in there

May 13, 2023 9:59:43 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Have a good session

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May 13, 2023 11:01:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

out of session. Was really good

May 13, 2023 11:01:23 AM Me

back on resume.

May 13, 2023 11:01:35 AM Me

if you cant get to the Bard, can I try?

May 13, 2023 11:01:45 AM Me

didn’t you send me your credentials at one point?

May 13, 2023 11:10:22 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Go to bard.google.com and signup

May 13, 2023 11:49:34 AM ⇲ Me

I got in right away. No approval. 😊 using it now.

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May 13, 2023 11:49:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Will add to spreadsheet, and also the write-ups I currently have on

May 13, 2023 11:50:01 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) ⇲ Me

Bert Mahoney—Distinguished visual designer with UX/UI background

May 13, 2023 11:50:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Going to update some things on the site.

May 13, 2023 11:10:46 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

It was less than a day to get approved

May 13, 2023 11:11:08 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be at my computer in about an hour

May 13, 2023 11:49:34 AM ⇱ Me

I got in right away. No approval. 😊 using it now.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 11:49:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Will add to spreadsheet, and also the write-ups I currently have on
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 11:50:01 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) ⇱ Me

Bert Mahoney—Distinguished visual designer with UX/UI background
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 11:50:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Going to update some things on the site.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 2:16:51 PM Me

All the main resume text has been run thru 5 different AI engines

May 13, 2023 2:17:01 PM Me

And I wrote one for Hatch

May 13, 2023 2:55:36 PM Me

I promised Sallie I would help her fix a few things on her house and was going to go over and get that done now.

May 13, 2023 2:55:54 PM Me

Been editing and sketching all day. Need to take a break and come back fresh.

May 13, 2023 2:56:34 PM Me

Liz and Darragh are packing for camping. So she’s around. I miss her so damn much. It hurts just to be in the space with her

May 13, 2023 2:56:44 PM Me

I feel like crying

May 13, 2023 2:59:02 PM Me

Losing my shit inside right now, but masking hard

May 13, 2023 2:59:13 PM Me

Heartbroken

May 13, 2023 3:00:42 PM Me

Feeling really depressed came on hard and now it’s pushing

May 13, 2023 3:01:20 PM +13038752587

Go for a hike

May 13, 2023 3:01:37 PM +13038752587

When do they leave for camping

May 13, 2023 3:04:34 PM Me

Tomorrow morning

May 13, 2023 3:06:05 PM Me

Im gut wrenching every time I encounter her. I still love her and my life feels like I’m in an alternate dimension Nothing feels real

May 13, 2023 4:15:50 PM Me

The lack of joy and happiness in my life is really discouraging. At least when it comes to personal relations it’s been at least three years since I have felt any kind of romantic love and having been in a relationship for decades, it’s psychologically fucking with my head

May 13, 2023 4:17:36 PM +13038752587

Did you talk with therapist about it? Did therapist look at your plan?

May 13, 2023 4:39:45 PM Me

Not that no

May 13, 2023 4:39:54 PM Me

No time ran out

May 13, 2023 5:05:55 PM Me

I’m just extremely present to how much I’m losing at life right now

May 13, 2023 5:09:02 PM Me

I’m just tired and exhausted from feeling like shit and I don’t have anybody in my life to share life with

May 13, 2023 5:10:20 PM Me

I feel abandoned. And cast off. I’m feeling that I am on the island of misfit toys and I’m done hanging out on that island.

May 13, 2023 5:12:27 PM Me

I’m definitely on the downhill slide mentally. Can feel it. I’m aware of it and feel kind of powerless. I know about the happy tacos. Oh happiness is inside you blah blah blah whatever just fed up.

May 13, 2023 5:13:18 PM Me

Feeling or desire of giving up is growing and gaining steam

May 13, 2023 5:52:17 PM +13038752587

You are waging war with yourself. As you know. The battle is between old beliefs and new beliefs. You know how to step outside of both and find the calm center of the storm. Go there and gain the strength to defeat the old beliefs and embrace the new beliefs

May 13, 2023 6:13:53 PM Me

Feeling tired and done

May 13, 2023 6:14:40 PM Me

Tired of fighting Tired of getting no where Tired of feeling isolated and stuck

May 13, 2023 6:14:55 PM Me

Tired of everything

May 13, 2023 6:17:58 PM Me

I’m going to sit home alone yet another week of my life. I don’t have many left to go so makes me feel like why the fuck bother Pointless

May 13, 2023 6:19:06 PM Me

Said before and say again I don’t want a new life. I don’t want to leave Elizabeth.

May 13, 2023 7:20:21 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 54 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

If you want her, you need to stop needing her.

May 13, 2023 6:29:11 PM Me

Sitting alone in home office staring at wall for past 20 mins

May 13, 2023 6:30:33 PM Me

Looks like Liz the boys and her mom are going to dinner for Mother’s Day today because she leaves for camping early tomorrow Feeling kicked out of the family and it FUCKING HURTS BAD

May 13, 2023 6:42:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

trying to process this but I’m having a hard time with it

May 13, 2023 6:43:53 PM Me

full court press of depression

May 13, 2023 6:43:56 PM Me

this hurts

May 13, 2023 6:44:22 PM Me

I wonder if people know how are they are hurting me?

May 13, 2023 7:22:04 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The only one hurting you is you. It is your choice to suffer. You create the stories of what everything means or doesn’t

May 13, 2023 6:52:07 PM Me

I texted Liz to ask f this is how things are going to be going forward. Am I excluded from family get togethers? I thought I wasn’t kicked out of my family but guess I am

May 13, 2023 6:52:14 PM Me

This is not good

May 13, 2023 6:52:20 PM Me

No family no life

May 13, 2023 6:52:29 PM Me

Dead Bert

May 13, 2023 6:52:52 PM Me

Sooner rather than later

May 13, 2023 6:52:57 PM Me

Check please!

May 13, 2023 6:54:27 PM Me

I didn’t sign up for this

May 13, 2023 6:54:34 PM Me

I want off

May 13, 2023 6:54:38 PM Me

I want out

May 13, 2023 6:55:39 PM Me

I’m beginning to get more convinced than ever that I should’ve fucking checked out years ago

May 13, 2023 6:57:47 PM Me

☮️ out

May 13, 2023 7:06:39 PM Me

Edited to “ ”

May 13, 2023 7:07:17 PM Me

Plan is to pack all my shit in boxes, group things by who gets what. Throw away any trash I have and make sure I leave earthly things in a neat tidy pile. Would want to leave a mess behind ☺️

May 13, 2023 7:09:34 PM Me

I’ve never felt more outcast and alone than this moment

May 13, 2023 7:10:20 PM Me

Hate living and hate life now

May 13, 2023 7:10:45 PM Me

Very much “why the fuck bother” mode

May 13, 2023 7:11:22 PM Me

K stopping the texting And stopping being annoying

May 13, 2023 7:23:38 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t stop texting

May 13, 2023 7:23:52 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

If it helps

May 13, 2023 7:24:07 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You are never an annoyance

May 13, 2023 7:20:21 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 54 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

If you want her, you need to stop needing her.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 7:22:04 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The only one hurting you is you. It is your choice to suffer. You create the stories of what everything means or doesn’t
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 7:23:38 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t stop texting
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 7:23:52 PM (Read by you after 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

If it helps
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 7:24:07 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You are never an annoyance
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 7:25:56 PM +13038752587

Leaving things/life is not going to get you what you want.

May 13, 2023 7:26:23 PM Me

Honestly, this is one of those times when I remember I tried to commit suicide at 16. That happened and I never said anything to anyone about it my parents and my brother I don’t think anybody knew about that. If I had done it, my mom would’ve found me lying dead in the kitchen with a serrated 12 inch long knife stuck just under the sternum into my spinal column

May 13, 2023 7:27:04 PM Me

And then, the time I almost drove my car off a cliff and turned at the last fucking second, that actually scared the shit out of me

May 13, 2023 7:27:45 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Good - it should have - and glad to hear it did

May 13, 2023 7:27:15 PM Me

That was really close

May 13, 2023 7:27:18 PM +13038752587

Very visual- not a pleasant surprise

May 13, 2023 7:27:30 PM Me

I would have been gone in 2014 if I had not turn the wheel

May 13, 2023 7:27:45 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Good - it should have - and glad to hear it did
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 13, 2023 7:27:49 PM Me

That was sent me probably 400 feet over a cliff down into Lake Casitas

May 13, 2023 7:28:35 PM Me

Honestly, if you had told me back, then what my life was going to turn into, I would never turned that fucking wheel

May 13, 2023 7:28:48 PM +13038752587

I will be back soon

May 13, 2023 7:29:39 PM Me

It’s my marriage send it’s just suffered because of my mental illness and I’m sick of fighting myself. You said it perfectly. I’m at war with myself. I totally am and I’m sick of it. I’m done I just I’ve done I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t like a choice for me. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve meditated on this long and hard about it being a choice. It’s not a choice it’s a it’s DNA. Don’t know how else to explain it.

May 13, 2023 7:32:08 PM Me

I don’t get or feel love. Wanting to be loved isn’t a choice for me. In human form I need love. I have not felt it deeply in a very long time and it breaks my fucking heart to type these words

May 13, 2023 7:38:44 PM Me

I feel forgotten, alone, broken, and deep sense of failure. That’s all ego driven, I’m well aware But to be human is to have ego. No human is egoless. They may not make demands or be loud, but there is ego no matter how small. My ego is woven in family When things affect my family they affect me deeply, profoundly, and it can be a trigger and a call to arms. I’ll happily die for my family so they could live. However I don’t think anyone in my family knows how much family means to me and how important it is. For all the fucked up shit with my parents and even after me moving out here and living my life, they haven’t given up on me. They still have my back. Right now, no one in my family has my back. Maybe it’s my fault for not instilling that. K done

May 13, 2023 7:40:02 PM Me

Deeply feeling outcast after feeling forgotten for years. That’s it in a sentence

May 13, 2023 7:41:08 PM Me

I’m gonna go throw darts listen to music and then maybe do some art and then go crawl into a cave in Rolla boulder in front of it 😀

May 13, 2023 7:43:12 PM Me

by the way, just in case, I get hit by a bus and people asked questions about what I was thinking, you more than anyone know the most. I’ve shared more with you than anyone else in this last stretch of craziness in my life So I’m just putting this out there not that I’m going to do anything I’m just venting, what I’m getting at is should I have a heart attack and drop dead and everybody wonders what was going on with me you probably can explain it best

May 13, 2023 7:43:34 PM Me

you have the best insight

May 13, 2023 7:44:18 PM Me

more than my parents more than my brother more than my mom. Out of those three people I’m closest to my mom, and my brother then obviously the last Man standing J. Bert the fourth.

May 13, 2023 7:44:51 PM Me

if I texted half the shit I’ve sent to you to my mom she may have had a heart attack :-)

May 13, 2023 7:45:06 PM Me

I’m just kidding, what I mean is it what is stressed her out to no end to hear this from me

May 13, 2023 7:46:18 PM Me

do you know if there is a way to download our entire text thread going back to the very beginning? Since we’re both on iPhones is there a way to get it through iCloud maybe? I bring it up because written a lot in these texts and if I pulled it out through it all together in Notion and let a I go over it it could take all my desperate thoughts, important together and help me make it one

May 13, 2023 7:49:09 PM Me

I was just thinking remember how you said on Thursday when I was stoned from losing the gig that I only had that day to have my pity party? I think today the numbness wore off 😆 Today is pity party depression feel bad for myself, bullshit. Lyza’s been around the house all day getting ready for camping. I’ve been around her more today than I have in the past 2 to 3 months so perhaps all that exposure is subconsciously triggering the FUCK out of me

May 13, 2023 7:49:42 PM Me

I literally just put that together and it makes total sense to me

May 13, 2023 7:59:48 PM Me

Sketches from earlier today Going to prototype a mobile version

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May 13, 2023 9:09:16 PM +13038752587

I’ll look into downloading the thread

May 13, 2023 9:09:25 PM Me

I'm cycling

May 13, 2023 9:09:49 PM Me

🔃

May 13, 2023 9:10:13 PM Me

Felt.better for a bit. Now going down again

May 13, 2023 9:11:34 PM Me

Really this is my life now. Been this way for months, not a passing phase. New entrenched ways of being

May 13, 2023 9:11:43 PM Me

😔

May 13, 2023 9:12:09 PM Me

Some days are better than others

May 13, 2023 9:12:33 PM Me

Spotify

May 13, 2023 9:12:44 PM Me

Made me think of that

May 13, 2023 9:13:04 PM Me

How perfect, lovely British melancholy

May 13, 2023 9:13:44 PM Me

I listen to a lot of Smiths and Radiohead

May 14, 2023 5:18:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what is this? openexo

May 14, 2023 5:19:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also happy mothers day to Sarah and your Mom!

May 14, 2023 5:19:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Imagine you’re spending time with both today.

May 14, 2023 5:44:47 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Openexo is a group of forward thinking businesses and people

May 14, 2023 5:45:11 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Check it out - I’m certified at the foundational level

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May 14, 2023 5:45:39 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Exponential organixmzation

May 14, 2023 5:50:47 PM Me

And did u send something else?

May 14, 2023 5:52:09 PM +13038752587

3 Openexo jobs

May 14, 2023 6:16:55 PM Me

Oh, ok

May 14, 2023 6:17:06 PM Me

My resume is just about ready. Are you home?

May 14, 2023 6:17:17 PM Me

Going to send you a proof.

May 14, 2023 7:14:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know when I can send you the PDF

May 14, 2023 7:17:15 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Send tonigh / I’ll review tomorrow

May 15, 2023 8:42:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hi, up and at it. Resume coming your way

May 15, 2023 9:07:05 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

https://www.productizeyourself.co/

May 15, 2023 9:07:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know when you’re online

May 15, 2023 9:20:05 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Online

May 15, 2023 9:20:08 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

May 15, 2023 9:20:16 AM Me

hola

May 15, 2023 9:20:24 AM +13038752587

I’ll check out that link later

May 15, 2023 9:20:45 AM Me

its what you mention to me that I should do

May 15, 2023 9:21:05 AM Me

He does it for graphic design

May 15, 2023 9:21:06 AM +13038752587

I have a few courses that teach about productizing yourself

May 15, 2023 9:21:37 AM Me

I’m not sure if I’ve seen a user experience and interface subscription based design service

May 15, 2023 9:22:18 AM +13038752587

Ohh - worth researching

May 15, 2023 9:22:25 AM +13038752587

Ask GPT

May 15, 2023 9:22:32 AM Me

will do.

May 15, 2023 9:22:56 AM Me

resume is re-written, just finishing the layout so its balanced and doesn’t look like everyone else

May 15, 2023 9:23:49 AM Me

Then need to update my website. Haven’t touched it in 6 months. Needs some clean up. If I am looking for gigs I need it to be ready for eyeballs

May 15, 2023 9:24:15 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Set a timeframe to get it ready

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May 15, 2023 9:25:01 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

That way your working toward a due date

May 15, 2023 9:37:11 AM Me

not just deadline. I try to time box my day so I touch all the thing I want to.

May 15, 2023 9:37:55 AM Me

we all have more than one thing to get done a day. If I dont time box I will spend an infinite amount of time doing something.

May 15, 2023 9:38:39 AM Me

Last time I spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME doing my resume and website. Granted nothing had been touched in 6 years, but it could have been far more streamlined. Lesson learned… Timebox

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May 15, 2023 10:42:58 AM Me

OK, emailing you the resume complete with QR code

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May 15, 2023 11:10:26 AM Me

I can get a free month of LinkedIn Premium. Ever tried that? I’ve never seen it

May 15, 2023 11:49:42 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

No - go for it

May 15, 2023 11:49:52 AM Me

cool

May 15, 2023 11:50:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also, made layout update, but no content update on the resume.

May 15, 2023 11:50:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

want to make .doc and .txt versions once you say its good to go

May 15, 2023 11:51:53 AM Me

layout change is up top. Put the QR on the right. My name left. Makes more sense

May 15, 2023 11:51:56 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

May 15, 2023 11:55:38 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

almost forgot to make the “E” like a menu —

May 15, 2023 11:56:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

would QR the same height at the type be better? Let me know what you think.

May 15, 2023 11:59:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

May 15, 2023 12:47:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have resume in Interactive PDF, DOC and TXT — Done

May 15, 2023 1:13:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Just reached out to 4 recruiters that interviewed me last time. Sent new resume and the following template: —— Hi Tierra, This is Bert Mahoney. I hope this email finds you well! We spoke last September when I was actively looking for a position in the design field. I did find a 6-month contract that has just ended, and unfortunately, the company was not in a position to keep me on board either through contract or employee. So I find myself looking for a remote position, preferably on a team, but I'm happy to be the lone designer (I have done that many times before). I've attached an updated resume and am updating my website. Let me know what makes sense to move forward. Many thanks, Bert

May 15, 2023 1:27:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also going to update my HIRED.com profile and reapply to Toptal https://www.toptal.com/

May 15, 2023 1:28:15 PM Me

I applied over 6months ago so I can try again. Last time they turned me down. Think it was my website

May 15, 2023 1:54:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hired Profile is done. Businesses reach out if they want to interview you.

May 15, 2023 2:30:20 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Great job -

May 15, 2023 2:30:47 PM Me

Heard back from one recruiter already

May 15, 2023 2:31:00 PM Me

She shared my updated resume with her team.

May 15, 2023 2:31:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Found my old Google search query to find gigs I’m after.

May 15, 2023 2:31:43 PM Me

Wonder if AI can help search? Or create an excellent google query

May 15, 2023 2:32:03 PM +13038752587

It can

May 15, 2023 2:32:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool. What you working on?

May 15, 2023 2:32:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

client work?

May 15, 2023 2:32:26 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 3 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

YouTube ad

May 15, 2023 2:32:33 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 2 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

And training

May 15, 2023 2:32:44 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 2 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Website redesign and copy

May 15, 2023 4:35:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney—Distinguished visual designer with UX/UI background

May 15, 2023 4:35:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have it down while I redo it

May 15, 2023 4:36:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

taking dog for a short walk, meditate, and perhaps more brainstorm on content approach for new website. I want it to be MUCH simpler.

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May 15, 2023 8:18:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Applied to 7 opps, 8 more selected that I’ll do tomorrow

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May 16, 2023 10:48:08 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

May 16, 2023 10:49:17 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Highlights/ lots of “and”s in that sentence

May 16, 2023 10:50:23 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

In the section - can you add quantitative results or estimation of quantitative results

May 16, 2023 10:50:52 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Call me on this

May 16, 2023 11:13:38 AM Me

hi

May 16, 2023 12:01:12 PM Me

just called and left a message

May 16, 2023 12:01:19 PM +13038752587

I’ll call back in 3

May 16, 2023 12:01:21 PM Me

working on it

May 16, 2023 1:00:39 PM Me

Zain's Notion on Notion

May 16, 2023 3:06:01 PM Me

good progress on this end. I rebuilt the structure of my PDF document, consolidated style tags, and now tagging content so when its made into PDF and displayed online the content will flow how I say.

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May 16, 2023 3:35:58 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Out the front door

May 16, 2023 3:36:08 PM Me

awesome

May 16, 2023 4:07:45 PM Me

ok, resume is tagged EXPERTLY. this will help it being consumed by the bots.

May 16, 2023 4:08:39 PM Me

tagged in InDesign (had to setup whole structure) exported and some elements weren’t showing in the PDF, literally Poof. So had to troubleshoot until I figured things out. STOKED. First time I’ve done this.

May 16, 2023 4:28:10 PM Me

emailed you the PDF

May 16, 2023 4:42:31 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

The peak in the left is Longs peak 14.100 ft

May 16, 2023 5:05:35 PM Me

wow

May 16, 2023 6:33:03 PM Me

This place, right? https://maps.app.goo.gl/Cw2siiSQcMZA8zct9?g_st=i Carbondale

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May 16, 2023 6:33:28 PM Me

Put your house. Where are you going to rent on a map so I can see the whereabouts

May 16, 2023 7:07:27 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I will

May 17, 2023 9:53:51 AM Me

Hola

May 17, 2023 9:54:39 AM Me

Working on my site. Will share with you to look at on mobile and desktop once I have something to share 😬

May 17, 2023 9:54:50 AM Me

let me know what your game plan is today just so I have a frame of reference

May 17, 2023 10:04:19 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 45 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Busy until 3pm

May 17, 2023 5:49:27 PM Me

Hola

May 17, 2023 5:51:06 PM Me

Just getting home from a hike. The first one I’ve done in many days and have been feeling weird. I’m in the weirdest fucking place. I’m between worlds and I’ve been in the space for a long time and it’s totally disorienting. in other news, I’ll be home back working on the website shortly

May 17, 2023 6:50:32 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Limbo

May 18, 2023 9:59:34 AM Me

Hola 👋

May 18, 2023 10:45:40 AM Me

Instagram

May 18, 2023 11:07:03 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Chaperone at Willows school

May 18, 2023 12:09:13 PM Me

Nice

May 18, 2023 12:09:22 PM Me

When will you be tethered back to a laptop?

May 18, 2023 12:11:01 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 33 seconds) +13038752587

4

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May 18, 2023 6:22:51 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

May 18, 2023 6:22:51 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Somehow missed half of me foot with sunscreen

May 18, 2023 6:23:13 PM Me

Ouch

May 18, 2023 6:27:06 PM +13038752587

Itchy right now - not to much burn

May 18, 2023 7:34:59 PM Me

Take a look at my site.

May 18, 2023 7:35:09 PM Me

Should be done tonight

May 18, 2023 7:39:35 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

May 18, 2023 7:39:52 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Typo 😀

May 18, 2023 7:42:08 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

All on Mobil

May 18, 2023 7:42:20 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

About page

May 18, 2023 7:46:22 PM Me

Still working on it

May 18, 2023 7:53:51 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - let me know when your ready

May 18, 2023 7:53:57 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Ill check it out

May 18, 2023 7:55:16 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Check footer on desktop - “colophon”

May 18, 2023 7:55:49 PM Me

You don’t need to send me all these errors I know shit is broken

May 18, 2023 8:09:58 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 34 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

May 18, 2023 8:11:11 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 33 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

You asked me to take a look 👀- thought you were asking for a second set of eyes

May 19, 2023 9:45:27 AM Me

hey yo. Good morning. Been at it since 7. Will have the new site dialed in today. There will be minor things but 99% will be done.

May 19, 2023 9:45:33 AM Me

you around today online?

May 19, 2023 10:01:20 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - after 2pm - on YouTube project until then

May 19, 2023 10:01:26 AM +13038752587

Good morning

May 19, 2023 10:01:33 AM Me

cool

May 19, 2023 10:01:49 AM Me

my site is coming along nicely. SO much happier with it now. WAY more simple

May 19, 2023 10:02:32 AM Me

I’ll hopefully have it online by 12 noon PST

May 19, 2023 10:02:36 AM Me

trying to time block

May 19, 2023 10:03:32 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Me too 😀

May 19, 2023 4:58:55 PM Me

hi, how goes it?

May 19, 2023 4:59:03 PM Me

imagine you’re done with work

May 19, 2023 4:59:06 PM Me

offline?

May 19, 2023 5:01:29 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Out with girls on a chilly smoky walk

May 19, 2023 5:02:09 PM (Read by you after 47 seconds) +13038752587

Denver has worst air in world today

May 19, 2023 5:03:12 PM Me

China would like to have a word

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May 19, 2023 5:03:36 PM Me

feeling really depressed. Started crying randomly while sitting at computer

May 19, 2023 5:04:14 PM Me

everything is feeling pointless

May 19, 2023 5:05:19 PM Me

feeling the desire to isolate, hermit, and sleep

May 19, 2023 5:30:06 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Is it just you and Declan at home

May 19, 2023 5:30:32 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Is Darragh still camping

May 19, 2023 5:40:34 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

May 19, 2023 6:05:16 PM Me

Everyone came back today

May 19, 2023 6:06:48 PM Me

Feeling triggered Because of the tradition is to go out to dinner and have margaritas when she gets back from camping. I know for damn sure she’s going out for margaritas tonight, but not me. 🥹 All of this would be a lot different if I didn’t want to get divorced and I wasn’t still in love with her

May 19, 2023 6:11:03 PM Me

Divorce Moving Job loss Just need cancer and a death in the family and I’ll be five for five for life‘s biggest stressors.

May 19, 2023 8:32:52 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Be careful what you ask for

May 19, 2023 6:12:01 PM Me

This is hard, and I feel all alone.

May 19, 2023 6:12:47 PM Me

I know you’re gonna tell me that all these people are here for you, and that you’re not alone, but that’s not the kind of alone I mean

May 19, 2023 6:13:16 PM Me

Companionship, alone. I’m used to having somebody with me for the past 30 years and now I got nothing.

May 19, 2023 6:13:53 PM Me

I’m aware of it all day every day. It never goes away. My awareness is totally keyed on it.

May 19, 2023 8:25:37 PM Me

Hey

May 19, 2023 8:32:52 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Be careful what you ask for
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 19, 2023 8:35:28 PM Me

I'm not ok

May 19, 2023 8:35:41 PM +13038752587

What’s going on?

May 19, 2023 8:37:52 PM Me

The, combination of everything is hitting me all have one to read now. The stress of my life falling apart is too much to handle at the moment.

May 19, 2023 8:38:08 PM Me

I’m hyperventilating

May 19, 2023 8:38:35 PM +13038752587

Pause the mind Breathe

May 19, 2023 8:39:12 PM Me

I serendipitously ran into Joanna in town. We talked for a bit. And it was incredibly triggering.

May 19, 2023 8:40:08 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Anything particular or just seeing her?

May 19, 2023 8:41:53 PM Me

She is so close to Elizabeth, and she thinks she knows exactly what the story is, but has no clue about my side of everything and anytime I bring it up. It challenges the truth that elizabeth has given her.

May 19, 2023 8:43:37 PM Me

I am accused of trying to make my version of events the truth. That is not the case and I am not trying to do that. Needless to say speaking to Joanna confirmed for me just how messed up all of this is. If it was adultery, or infidelity, or something very black-and-white, it would make sense, but this right now makes no sense to me still.

May 19, 2023 8:44:09 PM Me

And honestly, even if I were to have a magic wand and get a job, find an apartment, I have to rebuild my wife, and has I said to Joanna I’m going into the future I don’t want to live in

May 19, 2023 8:46:00 PM Me

Dude, if you’re out with your wife, or out with friends, just let me know and I’ll deal on this side please

May 19, 2023 8:47:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Attention is split - winding down the night with the girls

May 19, 2023 8:48:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Keep texting Get the thoughts out I’ll reply in a bit

May 19, 2023 8:49:07 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Unfortunately they are not seeing the work you have done or the changes you have made.

May 19, 2023 8:49:30 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Revisiting the past with Joanna will not get you anywhere

May 19, 2023 8:49:48 PM Me

Right

May 19, 2023 8:50:18 PM Me

I’m still headed off packing up my shit and feel zero closure or whatever the fuck you wanna call it

May 19, 2023 8:50:33 PM Me

Apparently, she has some kind of closure, but help me

May 19, 2023 8:50:48 PM +13038752587

Have you communicated directly with Liz or via therapist about what you have done

May 19, 2023 8:51:09 PM Me

About what?

May 19, 2023 8:51:54 PM +13038752587

Therapy, counseling, medication , meditation, stop drinking and herb

May 19, 2023 8:52:22 PM +13038752587

You went away with the intention to give Liz some space.

May 19, 2023 8:53:00 PM Me

I did all that but nothing came of it other than her moving farther away from me

May 19, 2023 8:53:34 PM Me

There is no good outcome for me here

May 19, 2023 8:54:05 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Did you communicate it to Liz

May 19, 2023 8:54:13 PM Me

No

May 19, 2023 8:54:30 PM Me

I was in total communication silence

May 19, 2023 8:54:42 PM Me

No calls no texts

May 19, 2023 8:54:53 PM +13038752587

So she has no idea then and so p probably assumes you have done nothing

May 19, 2023 8:55:02 PM Me

Of course

May 19, 2023 8:55:11 PM Me

Doesn’t matter

May 19, 2023 8:55:23 PM Me

She’s never coming back to me

May 19, 2023 8:55:35 PM Me

Everyone around here just keeps telling me to get over it and move on

May 19, 2023 8:55:44 PM Me

Joanna and Sherry

May 19, 2023 8:55:51 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Doesn’t matter only if you don’t give her a chance to know

May 19, 2023 8:56:13 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Fuck them

May 19, 2023 8:56:16 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

!

May 19, 2023 8:56:35 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

It doesn’t matter what they say

May 19, 2023 8:58:40 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 20 seconds) +13038752587

If you are unwilling to fight for your relationship ( I mean tell Liz what you have done and are doing to get/be healthy. Apologize for hurting her without any excuses or holding her to blame.)

May 19, 2023 9:03:06 PM Me

I’ve been in a headspace of working on me, and I’m not one to brag about shit. But I honestly don’t think she cares or she would still be in our relationship.

May 19, 2023 9:03:38 PM Me

Or willing or open minded to working on the relationship

May 19, 2023 9:04:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

By you not communicating to her she probably thinks you don’t care about her.

May 19, 2023 9:04:57 PM Me

And here I’m trying to be respectful, because I know I can be overwhelming sometimes

May 19, 2023 9:05:29 PM Me

So what you’re saying to me is that I’m fucking myself over more than I already am

May 19, 2023 9:05:34 PM Me

Great

May 19, 2023 9:05:52 PM Me

Just what I need right now. More good news 🫤

May 19, 2023 9:06:49 PM +13038752587

No - you are acting out of fear

May 19, 2023 9:07:25 PM Me

How do I change that with her without freaking her out

May 19, 2023 9:07:57 PM Me

Was just thinking I’m glad I don’t own a gun

May 19, 2023 9:08:30 PM +13038752587

Write a letter, run it by the therapist and get it in Liz’s hand

May 19, 2023 9:11:05 PM ⇲ Me

A letter about what I’ve done?

May 19, 2023 9:11:05 PM ⇱ Me

A letter about what I’ve done?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 19, 2023 9:11:46 PM Me

Liz will say great Im happy for you. Fin.

May 19, 2023 9:12:19 PM Me

Everyone keeps saying to me over and over, she’s done, done, done, done

May 19, 2023 9:13:32 PM Me

I still don’t know why she went from my wife and things are fine to done done done with nothing in between

May 19, 2023 9:14:17 PM Me

Maybe she was going through things but she said nothing

May 19, 2023 9:15:26 PM Me

My suspicion is she talked through our relationship with someone else, not me.

May 19, 2023 9:15:47 PM Me

And got to her decision or headspace that way

May 19, 2023 9:16:05 PM Me

She wasn’t in that headspace when I left

May 19, 2023 9:18:08 PM Me

Anyway My life is totally fucked and the future I had in my head my whole marriage is toast. Everyone keeps saying you have to let go If I let go, I’m checking out I refuse to live in a world that I don’t want to be in

May 19, 2023 9:19:07 PM Me

I will chose not suffering through not living

May 19, 2023 9:42:21 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Putting girls to bed - you life is not fucked only your perception of it is. To move into any future, especially the one you want will require letting go of the past.

May 19, 2023 10:06:03 PM Me

Agree on the past

May 20, 2023 11:07:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hi, I’m pushing through the portfolio today and should have the site nearly complete. Homepage, About page, Portfolio Landing are all done (responsive). Now plowing through the portfolio. Got the first project dialed in responsively and using that as a template.

May 20, 2023 11:08:04 AM Me

Hope you have a good day over there

May 20, 2023 11:08:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Good day

May 20, 2023 11:08:33 AM Me

Just out of my therapy session

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May 20, 2023 11:08:47 AM +13038752587

Packing up - in between for 2 weeks before move in to Carbondale

May 20, 2023 11:09:18 AM +13038752587

Let me know when it’s ready to review

May 20, 2023 11:09:22 AM Me

Came out asking the question… look at my life experience as an asset — how to leverage my life with my skillset

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May 20, 2023 11:09:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I will let you know.

May 20, 2023 11:09:38 AM Me

It will be today for sure

May 20, 2023 11:09:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Took me a whole day to format the about page (resume, skills, overview, etc)

May 20, 2023 11:10:25 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Anyhow, best of luck packing. I’ll be doing that once the website is done.

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May 20, 2023 1:43:10 PM Me

Join me and thousands of others at this free Live Event happening soon on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content

May 20, 2023 1:43:12 PM Me

https://insig.ht/e/yJKKaRYKXzb

May 20, 2023 1:43:49 PM Me

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Hey! Check out this awesome quote on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

May 20, 2023 1:43:50 PM Me

https://insig.ht/Fn7LuH1KXzb

May 20, 2023 6:57:31 PM Me

Still packing?

May 20, 2023 6:57:57 PM Me

Still working on the website. Nearly there

May 20, 2023 6:58:27 PM Me

Had to workout responsive for the portfolio

May 20, 2023 7:03:16 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Heading back from trip to drop stuff off

May 20, 2023 8:24:17 PM Me

Cool

May 21, 2023 12:49:33 PM Me

Hi 👋

May 21, 2023 12:49:39 PM Me

Happy Sunday, hope it’s going well

May 21, 2023 12:50:35 PM Me

I’ve been thinking, and I think I would like to take you up on the offer to come to Carbondale this summer. Let me know if that’s still a possibility, and of course I am more than happy to pay you rent. 😁

May 21, 2023 12:56:04 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I’m 98% sure that is cool 😎 with everyone. I’ll confirm with you tomorrow for sure.

May 21, 2023 12:50:47 PM Me

I think a change of scenery for a while would give me some good

May 21, 2023 12:53:09 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Hello o

May 21, 2023 12:56:04 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I’m 98% sure that is cool 😎 with everyone. I’ll confirm with you tomorrow for sure.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 21, 2023 12:56:14 PM Me

Ok

May 21, 2023 12:56:51 PM Me

And I am happy to defer to you when it would be cool to head that way. I need to figure out how to get my car there since I only have 125 130 mile battery.

May 21, 2023 12:57:11 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah took the girls - I’m finishing cleaning.

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May 21, 2023 12:57:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wow that’s like a 1/3 of a tank

May 21, 2023 12:57:40 PM +13038752587

How quickly does it charge

May 21, 2023 12:57:52 PM Me

I have not had it on a super charger yet

May 21, 2023 12:58:05 PM Me

But the charger I hooked up to in Ventura said four hours

May 21, 2023 12:58:16 PM Me

If I plugged in the wall it’s 24 hours

May 21, 2023 12:58:58 PM Me

But that’s a fully empty battery, most times I only need 40-50 mile charge

May 21, 2023 12:59:07 PM Me

Plus, as you break going downhill, he charges the battery

May 21, 2023 12:59:39 PM Me

Of course, I would map it out the trip from charging station to charging station before I took off

May 21, 2023 1:00:49 PM +13038752587

Is there a battery back up you can bring along to extend your drive time between charges

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May 21, 2023 1:00:53 PM Me

It would be a fun adventure

May 21, 2023 1:01:13 PM Me

I should research that and see if it’s possible

May 21, 2023 1:01:34 PM Me

I’d be willing to bet someone’s got a hack out there on YouTube, maybe even with the ability to hook up a solar panel

May 21, 2023 1:02:01 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

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May 21, 2023 1:02:07 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I ask the new oracle

May 21, 2023 1:03:26 PM Me

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May 21, 2023 1:03:33 PM Me

Let’s see if you get the reference

May 21, 2023 1:03:48 PM Me

I loved her character in that movie

May 21, 2023 1:04:24 PM Me

I wish I could dream and find myself sitting at the kitchen table with her. Her kitchen reminded me of my granny Marie’s kitchen when I was a kindergarten.

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May 21, 2023 1:05:20 PM Me

I found something very calming, soothing and reassuring about her coming through the screen. Like you felt safe to be hanging out with her.

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May 21, 2023 1:15:40 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Certainly! Taking into account the parameters of the e-Golf and the availability of charging stations, here's a recommended route from Los Angeles, California to Glenwood Springs, Colorado: 1. Start in Los Angeles and head northeast on Interstate 10 East. 2. Continue on I-10 East until you reach the junction with Interstate 15 North in San Bernardino. 3. Take Interstate 15 North and continue through Nevada. 4. In Las Vegas, Nevada, merge onto Interstate 70 East. 5. Drive on I-70 East, and approximately 76 miles into Utah, you'll find the town of Green River. Here, you can take a break and use the EVgo charging station located at 1070 East Main Street, Green River, UT 84525. 6. Resume your journey on I-70 East, and approximately 78 miles later, you'll reach the city of Grand Junction, Colorado. Here, you can find multiple charging stations, including those at Grand Junction Subaru and Cross Orchards Historic Site. 7. From Grand Junction, continue on I-70 East for approximately 90 miles until you reach Glenwood Springs, Colorado, your final destination. Throughout your trip, it's advisable to use smartphone apps or websites like PlugShare or ChargePoint to locate additional charging stations along the route, should you need to recharge the e-Golf. These platforms provide real-time information about charging station availability, types of chargers, and their compatibility with the e-Golf. Remember to consider factors such as charging times and the e-Golf's range to plan your stops accordingly. It's always a good idea to have a backup charging plan in case a particular charging station is occupied or unavailable.

May 21, 2023 1:16:09 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Had to play with the app for a moment 🤔

May 21, 2023 1:17:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) +13038752587

There’s was a series of prompts before this response. Fastest route for egolf with consideration on charging stations

May 21, 2023 1:18:56 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Ok back to cleaning

May 21, 2023 1:19:13 PM Me

Thx!

May 21, 2023 1:19:24 PM Me

I’m in the homestretch on my website.

May 21, 2023 1:20:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have some copywriting to do which should be quick with Grammarly. They have a nice AI integration that you can tap into beyond just grammatical corrections. Its really nice.

May 21, 2023 8:37:00 PM Me

“I Used ChatGPT (Every Day) for 5 Months. Here Are Some Hidden Gems That Will Change Your Life” by Diana Dovgopol

May 21, 2023 8:37:09 PM Me

Medium

May 21, 2023 10:29:24 PM Me

May 22, 2023 8:45:39 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes) +13038752587

Pretty great stats

May 22, 2023 10:48:23 AM Me

Hola

May 22, 2023 10:49:57 AM Me

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Good one

May 22, 2023 11:37:37 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

I received this one today.. Something told me you needed this message today: There is GREATNESS in you and you are STRONGER, more RESILIENT and more RELENTLESS than you can imagine! #MAXOUT

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May 22, 2023 1:20:14 PM +13038752587 unsent a message.

May 22, 2023 1:48:32 PM Me

What are you up to today? Are you packing and moving or working?

May 22, 2023 1:49:05 PM +13038752587

Unpacking packing working

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May 22, 2023 1:51:23 PM Me

Same without the unpacking

May 22, 2023 4:23:05 PM Me

If I can stay alive until I find a gig and get a place while homeless ASAP that would be great.

May 22, 2023 4:23:21 PM Me

Next month is live or die time

May 22, 2023 4:23:27 PM Me

For reals

May 22, 2023 4:45:36 PM Me

I’m hurting bad mentally

May 22, 2023 4:46:21 PM Me

Putting my shit in boxes and moving them is far too real Moving out has been an idea And here it is

May 22, 2023 4:46:46 PM Me

Walking out of here “the last time” is going to be the end of me

May 22, 2023 4:46:49 PM Me

I feel it

May 22, 2023 4:48:53 PM Me

Just started out on one of my last hikes here, only so many left

May 22, 2023 4:54:51 PM Me

Hard to hike when you’re crying 😭

May 22, 2023 5:09:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sending you a hug A breathe of air & compassion

May 22, 2023 5:10:03 PM Me

I’m really wanting to end it

May 22, 2023 5:10:10 PM Me

Hurts so much

May 22, 2023 5:11:23 PM Me

I’m sick of living like this

May 22, 2023 5:11:33 PM Me

Fuming zero

May 22, 2023 5:18:28 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah was listening to a podcast and I thought of you - I’ll ask and send it to you

May 22, 2023 5:25:34 PM Me

May 22, 2023 5:25:43 PM Me

I’m at a new campground they built off one of the trails

May 22, 2023 5:25:57 PM Me

Pointing to my location

May 22, 2023 5:27:32 PM Me

May 22, 2023 5:29:37 PM Me

This is a good spot to drop the mic 🎤

May 22, 2023 5:30:23 PM Me

May 22, 2023 5:34:29 PM Me

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be more dead than now. Cause a really hard time for me. I don’t see anything positive here. my marriage lost what little job I had is lost, where I have lived for almost a quarter of a century, just too much loss to much rejection all at once. It’s too much for anyone person to handle let alone someone is Weak minded this me. It just sucks to fail. I had to like my whole life went by and I didn’t fucking enjoy it. I was too distracted by anxiety and depressed. How fucking sad is that. I realize now after I’ve lost my marriage

May 22, 2023 5:34:46 PM Me

Too painful

May 22, 2023 5:37:48 PM Me

I’m just treading water being alive. I feel the weight of my own suffering, and now I carry the suffering of others.

May 22, 2023 5:38:00 PM Me

I’m literally being crushed by my life

May 22, 2023 5:40:01 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

Whose suffering besides your own have you placed upon your shoulders

May 22, 2023 5:40:49 PM Me

And yeah, out of our marriage. We’ve never had a real discussion about ending our marriage. I’m just being told what what an end of story.

May 22, 2023 5:41:00 PM Me

Lizs

May 22, 2023 5:41:12 PM Me

And the relationship suffering

May 22, 2023 5:46:41 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Lizs is here to carry

May 22, 2023 5:46:52 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

*hers

May 22, 2023 6:36:11 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get my package

May 22, 2023 6:37:44 PM Me

Yes 🙌

May 22, 2023 6:37:50 PM Me

Thanks 🙏

May 22, 2023 6:37:53 PM Me

Love it

May 22, 2023 6:38:18 PM Me

I could make lots of those little sayings

May 22, 2023 6:39:00 PM Me

I was thinking about what Laurie said the other day about using my life experience in someway. And I was thinking of doing some posters related to mental health. However they’re all going to be in the van of switch design. So they’ll be very geometric, etc. the forms or communicate the feeling I think it could be really powerful than going to like real imagery.

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May 22, 2023 6:39:16 PM Me

Swiss not switch

May 22, 2023 6:40:08 PM Me

Been wanting to do some for days, but also, I’ve been so focused on the website. Which I’m happy to say is basically done. All I need to do is confirm some settings in portfolio pages and I can turn it on and let you look at it. Will you have some time to take a peek at it tonight?

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May 23, 2023 12:08:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have some things to share tomorrow if you have time.

May 23, 2023 12:08:59 AM Me

Let me know

May 23, 2023 2:51:56 AM Me

YouTube

May 23, 2023 8:17:43 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

How about 11 my time

May 23, 2023 9:54:06 AM Me

K, I’ll text

May 23, 2023 12:57:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Some things I saw this morning

May 23, 2023 12:57:18 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Fox News

May 23, 2023 12:57:41 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 11 seconds) Me

https://www.browse.ai/?utm_source=superhuman.beehiiv.com&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=ai-tech-designed-to-mimic-deceased-loved-ones

May 23, 2023 12:57:42 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 10 seconds) Me

Hoppy Copy

May 23, 2023 12:58:07 PM (Read by them after 45 seconds) Me

tl;dv

May 23, 2023 1:38:09 PM Me

Spotify

May 23, 2023 8:40:47 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

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Live this. It’s from a friends house

May 23, 2023 9:37:05 PM Me

Me too

May 23, 2023 9:39:08 PM Me

https://images.app.goo.gl/UAGVwB1b49RBfZrd7

May 23, 2023 9:39:08 PM Me

There looks to be a series? I love google image search ❤️

May 23, 2023 10:19:23 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

May 23, 2023 10:19:30 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Off to bed - sleep well

May 23, 2023 10:19:40 PM Me

K

May 23, 2023 10:19:53 PM Me

Got my storage space

May 23, 2023 10:20:10 PM Me

Shits moving :-)

May 23, 2023 10:21:12 PM Me

Also been texting with Helena the woman who I met online last night.

May 23, 2023 10:23:36 PM Me

She’s serious about finding a relationship. She wants the same things I do. I’m curious to know more about her and of course meet.

May 23, 2023 10:23:56 PM Me

We’ll see 🙃

May 24, 2023 8:17:50 AM Me

Good morning

May 24, 2023 10:25:35 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://invest.liquidpiston.com/

May 24, 2023 10:25:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Looks interesting

May 24, 2023 10:27:52 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

MIT News | Massachusetts Institute of Technology

May 24, 2023 12:55:22 PM Me

Hey how goes it?

May 24, 2023 1:02:17 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Messing with squarespace 😊

May 24, 2023 12:55:57 PM Me

One of my recruiters, Tierra, sent me a contract opportunity that looks very good. Possible FT at the end.

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May 24, 2023 12:55:59 PM Me

https://www.se.com/us/en/

May 24, 2023 1:02:17 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Messing with squarespace 😊
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 24, 2023 1:02:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Gotcha. For a client?

May 24, 2023 1:13:51 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 58 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

May 24, 2023 6:18:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Tina Turner passed away today. Age 83

May 24, 2023 6:18:11 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

May 24, 2023 6:18:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is EPIC

May 24, 2023 9:10:48 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

😢

May 24, 2023 9:11:11 PM Me

How’s the day gone?

May 25, 2023 10:48:13 AM Me

Hola

May 25, 2023 10:48:20 AM Me

u there?

May 25, 2023 10:48:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How goes it?

May 25, 2023 11:13:55 AM Me

Whoa just discovered this. 6 days ago. Fuck.

May 25, 2023 11:13:59 AM Me

the Guardian

May 25, 2023 11:14:28 AM Me

No idea how close in age the Smiths are to us. Thought they were at least 10 years older

May 25, 2023 12:22:01 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

I’m here

May 25, 2023 12:22:03 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

May 25, 2023 12:22:10 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Working

May 25, 2023 1:01:17 PM Me

Cool

May 26, 2023 11:10:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is major tom to ground control…

May 26, 2023 11:10:29 AM Me

Havent heard from you.

May 26, 2023 11:10:38 AM Me

Checking to see if you’re circuits are dead

May 26, 2023 11:10:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Over…

May 26, 2023 1:09:39 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

May 26, 2023 1:25:23 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

May 26, 2023 1:25:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wow

May 26, 2023 1:25:47 PM Me

You’re in another world

May 26, 2023 1:26:09 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Bug exhibit at museum

May 26, 2023 4:09:52 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 57 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

May 26, 2023 6:07:56 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Hey guess what?

May 26, 2023 6:07:59 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney — A Multi-Discplinary Designer with over 30 years of experience.

May 26, 2023 6:10:59 PM Me

Lets see if the share icon changes

May 26, 2023 6:11:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney — A Multi-Discplinary Designer with over 30 years of experience.

May 26, 2023 6:11:08 PM Me

Awesome!!

May 27, 2023 12:03:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Major tom to ground control

May 27, 2023 12:03:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I found some new things

May 27, 2023 12:03:43 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

https://www.getmunch.com/?utm_source=superhuman.beehiiv.com&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=ai-robots-are-coming

May 27, 2023 12:04:03 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Both are AI

May 27, 2023 12:04:05 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

One above could help Tree

May 27, 2023 12:04:20 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

The next one is for making stories for kids. Might be fun for bedtime stories.

May 27, 2023 12:04:22 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

https://www.scarlettpanda.com/

May 27, 2023 12:23:16 PM (Read by them after 40 seconds) Me

Lots happening here this weekend. Lots to update you on the “dipping my toe into women looking for men” space. Let me know when you’re online

May 27, 2023 3:07:41 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Looking forward to catching up - probably later tonight I’ll be online

May 27, 2023 3:20:55 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have an image as a header? Reviewing on mobile

May 27, 2023 3:21:18 PM +13038752587

Read background section - looks good - maybe a few tweaks

May 27, 2023 3:21:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no, not yet its on purpose

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May 27, 2023 3:58:16 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Hahaha

May 27, 2023 3:58:19 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

https://airmail.news/look/issues/2023-4-7/lets-get-it-on

May 27, 2023 3:58:29 PM Me

The last line is hilarious

May 27, 2023 7:19:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Looks like 9 nights at Lake Casitas to camp tent is $382. That gets me access to a toilet 😊 They have showers there too, but I’ll likely come back by the house to do some laundry and take a shower after a couple days. Thoughts?

May 27, 2023 7:32:39 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

What’s your camping 🏕️ set up?

May 27, 2023 7:51:24 PM Me

⛺️

May 27, 2023 7:51:28 PM Me

Simple

May 27, 2023 8:07:34 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Stove, lantern etc

May 27, 2023 8:30:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yeah, I should be all set. I can use some of the family gear. Then when ready to hit to road and come your way I’ll drop it off.

May 27, 2023 8:31:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just paid for reservation. Here is exactly where I’ll be:

May 27, 2023 8:31:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

34°24'39.9"N 119°20'57.7"W

May 28, 2023 9:00:56 AM Me

Hola 👋

May 28, 2023 9:03:29 AM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Bon Jour

May 28, 2023 9:03:55 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Looks like a nice camp/park/recreation area

May 28, 2023 9:04:04 AM Me

Hi

May 28, 2023 9:04:17 AM Me

I have a picture up on my homepage now in that big empty spot 😁

May 28, 2023 9:04:51 AM Me

are you still in packing and moving mode? Or is everything up in Carbondale and you are in unpack mode

May 28, 2023 9:05:13 AM +13038752587

Still packing mode

May 28, 2023 9:05:17 AM Me

and have you talked to Sarah and the girls is what you and I have been talking about kosher with your family

May 28, 2023 9:05:27 AM +13038752587

Have to get ready for camping too

May 28, 2023 9:06:32 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - I’ve talke with them. Things are good. Let’s talk details and dates in a few hours. I have to push out a little work this morning

May 28, 2023 9:13:03 AM Me

Cool, no problem. I’m here just putting stuff in the boxes all day and making iterative trips to the storage place in town. I have to say even as recent is two weeks ago. I was scared shitless of the end of this month. Since meeting Helena online, she has helped me focus on the future and focus on moving forward rather than being stuck Where I am or stuck in the past

May 28, 2023 9:13:43 AM Me

And don’t worry, I’m not going to run and move in with her next week and get married in a month 😜

May 28, 2023 9:14:01 AM Me

Maybe six months 🤣🤣🤣

May 28, 2023 9:14:35 AM Me

Seriously though I’ve been texting with her every day since last Tuesday pretty much since I wake up till I go to bed. She definitely has a keen interest in me.

May 28, 2023 9:15:04 AM Me

And I’m definitely drawn to her, she’s really hot

May 28, 2023 9:15:13 AM Me

🔥

May 28, 2023 9:15:51 AM Me

and let me know when you might have 15 minutes to chat on the phone, or if you want to text that’s fine too

May 28, 2023 10:57:34 AM Me

Started sharing location!

May 28, 2023 12:16:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oh, I discovered she likes to read. She’s reading Shakespeare for fun. Such a turn on!!

May 28, 2023 6:58:07 PM Me

Spotify

May 28, 2023 9:43:24 PM Me

Dude you awake?

May 28, 2023 9:43:41 PM Me

Major Tom to Ground Control

May 28, 2023 10:29:17 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to bed

May 28, 2023 10:29:22 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

What’s happening

May 28, 2023 10:29:53 PM +13038752587

You have your coffee ☕️ tomorrow - what time

May 28, 2023 10:29:58 PM Me

Nothing. Just feeling 180°

May 28, 2023 10:30:26 PM Me

Of what I was anticipating when I am in the middle of packing and moving my shit into storage and in transition.

May 28, 2023 10:31:13 PM Me

I’m actually feeling really happy about the future, and about my meet up tomorrow morning, and I have another one week from Friday, and another one in the works for margaritas and then the other one being Helena who I’ve been texting with on the East Coast since last Tuesday

May 28, 2023 10:31:55 PM Me

Dipped my toe and have 5 ladies and dates starting tomorrow

May 28, 2023 10:32:07 PM Me

🤦

May 28, 2023 10:32:44 PM Me

If u told me that 2 weeks ago I would have laughed at you.

May 28, 2023 10:33:00 PM Me

I was queuing up Radiohead, the Smiths and Portishead for my moving

May 28, 2023 10:33:07 PM Me

Instead, I’m listening to Prince

May 28, 2023 10:33:30 PM +13038752587

Love the music analogies

May 28, 2023 10:33:32 PM Me

Ready for sexy time

May 28, 2023 10:33:50 PM Me

May 28, 2023 10:34:47 PM Me

This will be me before I head to Colorado to meet the mountain ladies

May 28, 2023 10:34:53 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What time is your coffee

May 28, 2023 10:35:17 PM Me

10 am

May 28, 2023 10:35:26 PM Me

Ready to go

May 28, 2023 10:35:34 PM Me

😁

May 28, 2023 10:35:34 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool o

May 28, 2023 10:35:51 PM Me

Dude I’m just excited to get out

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May 28, 2023 10:36:23 PM Me

Living at the bottom of a well hoping Liz would help me out

May 28, 2023 10:36:31 PM Me

Nada

May 28, 2023 10:36:44 PM Me

So I’m done being sad

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May 28, 2023 10:37:24 PM Me

Haven’t had sudden bursts of tears in a long time

May 28, 2023 10:37:34 PM Me

I feel way better

May 28, 2023 10:38:06 PM Me

But compared to neurotypical people I’m still a few notches below average

May 28, 2023 10:38:33 PM Me

sleep this past week has been mummy like

May 28, 2023 10:39:07 PM Me

I’m TOTALLY DONE living in the past

May 28, 2023 10:39:19 PM Me

Totally done waiting

May 28, 2023 10:39:53 PM Me

If Liz wants me, she has my number But no promises I’ll be available

May 28, 2023 10:40:25 PM Me

I may be busy with someone who can vibe with me

May 28, 2023 10:40:34 PM Me

Someone on my frequency

May 28, 2023 10:42:59 PM Me

So, I’m exhausted

May 28, 2023 10:42:59 PM Me

So much shit moved today

May 28, 2023 10:43:00 PM Me

Doesn’t look like much but my paintings and wall hangings are down too

May 28, 2023 10:43:59 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be on the road from 10-4 tomorrow. Heading to Carbondale to check out property and go over details. Then hotel for the night then off to Moab to camp 🏕️

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May 28, 2023 10:44:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Making progress - you are

May 28, 2023 10:44:22 PM +13038752587

Sleep well 😴

May 28, 2023 10:44:43 PM Me

What is address if I’m planning mail forwarding??

May 28, 2023 10:44:56 PM Me

Or should I do P.O. Box?

May 28, 2023 10:45:36 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

PO Box or find a service that will scan or forward your mail

May 28, 2023 10:45:56 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Most of our stuff is online.

May 29, 2023 8:52:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

HOLA!

May 29, 2023 8:53:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Heading out on a date in 45mins. Driving to Newbury Park for coffee to meet April.

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May 29, 2023 8:53:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then back home for more packing. Then applications later

May 29, 2023 8:55:31 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Packing up car then off to Carbondale

May 29, 2023 8:55:39 AM Me

Nice

May 29, 2023 8:55:47 AM Me

Send some pics of the place

May 29, 2023 8:55:54 AM (Read by them after 58 seconds) Me

😊

May 29, 2023 12:45:43 PM Me

Just done with my first coffee date and it went really well. She’s a lovely woman and I would definitely go out with her again

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May 29, 2023 1:41:41 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Lunch break

May 29, 2023 2:12:10 PM Me

Nice. Looks like a beautiful day out there.

May 29, 2023 2:12:53 PM Me

I’m back home, back to packing

May 29, 2023 2:15:51 PM Me

April, that’s her name, is truly lovely and I find her attractive. She’s a high-level administrator in the Newberry Park public school system. She’s working on the last bit of her PhD. She’s been backpacking all over the world, and is headed to Krzysik Stan in September for another adventure. Same age as me divorced for four years married with 2 kids 1 is 25, the other 22. We are in the same place in life and had a very similar First part of our life experience. She’s also from a small town outside of Chicago, roughly the same size as Waterford. So we both come from small towns and love the outdoors. When we said goodbye she said “I hope to hear from you.” Oh you will! 😁

May 29, 2023 2:21:52 PM Me

Do you send pics of the place when you get there. The only thing I have seen is an old picture of a structure obscured by foliage through google streets.

May 29, 2023 2:22:17 PM Me

I’ll send pics and progress update at the end of the day with my move operations.

May 29, 2023 2:25:38 PM Me

Just a week ago two weeks ago I would’ve never thought that I would feel freedom. People told me that, and I didn’t believe them. But in the last seven days, it’s been like that moment in the blues Brothers, where I grade in Belushi are at the back of the church, and James Brown is the pastor up at the altar, and he screams back to them at the back of the church, “do you see the light,“ and they look at each other and don’t know what to say, so James Brown repeats “do you see the light! I have seen the light!!!!

May 29, 2023 2:25:41 PM Me

YouTube

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May 29, 2023 7:41:38 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

May 29, 2023 7:50:51 PM Me

Awesome

May 29, 2023 7:54:46 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

May 29, 2023 7:57:02 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

May 29, 2023 7:57:18 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

May 29, 2023 7:57:41 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

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Liked by Me

May 29, 2023 8:16:29 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Miami is up - are you eat by

May 29, 2023 8:16:33 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Watching

May 29, 2023 8:16:46 PM Me

Yeah

May 29, 2023 8:17:01 PM Me

We did special tonight and order Domino’s in gourmet tater tots and are watching the fourth quarter right now

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May 29, 2023 8:18:10 PM Me

House is NICE!

May 29, 2023 8:18:28 PM Me

it came furnished?

May 29, 2023 8:22:10 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 52 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

May 30, 2023 12:14:43 AM ⇲ Me

Nada

May 30, 2023 12:15:04 AM ⇲ Me

Besides Declan says Nuggets will win in 4

May 30, 2023 12:15:19 AM ⇲ Me

Sports fans are going to be very happy in Colorado in a few weeks. First NBA title.

May 29, 2023 8:22:45 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 51 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Can Celtics come back

May 29, 2023 8:30:30 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 43 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Hot springs about 30 mins away

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May 30, 2023 12:14:43 AM ⇱ Me

Nada
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 30, 2023 12:15:04 AM ⇱ Me

Besides Declan says Nuggets will win in 4
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 30, 2023 12:15:19 AM ⇱ Me

Sports fans are going to be very happy in Colorado in a few weeks. First NBA title.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 30, 2023 12:16:27 AM Me

More packing and moving tomorrow. No dates so I will get a lot done. The date today took up half my day but was so worth it. Her name was April. She’s super smart, super outdoors and super sexy.

May 30, 2023 12:17:13 AM Me

Blonde hair, hazel green eyes, beautiful smile, and she has nice curves

May 30, 2023 12:17:25 AM Me

😛

May 30, 2023 9:49:27 AM Me

Here’s what I gave up my marriage for. I hope they love her as much as I did.

May 30, 2023 11:22:22 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola to you in Mountain Time.

May 30, 2023 11:22:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just bought this. Going to get a solar panel for it next:

May 30, 2023 11:22:40 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

eBay

May 30, 2023 11:23:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I got a car tent that hooks up on the back of my hatchback, and a mosquito/noseeums net for my hammock 😊

May 30, 2023 11:24:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I should have a good setup and I’ll have a week to refine it while I’m still close to home

May 30, 2023 11:36:25 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Will the battery station be able to give the car a boost if needed

May 30, 2023 11:36:54 AM +13038752587

Good morning

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May 30, 2023 11:36:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No. I read up more online about that. Electricians say there isn’t a way

May 30, 2023 11:37:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

However I found a device sold in Europe that helps control the juice and can EXTEND the battery. However they dont ship to US (not sure why)

May 30, 2023 11:37:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I had someone in Europe, I could buy it and they could send my way, but I dont know anyone presently

May 30, 2023 11:37:50 AM Me

You?

May 30, 2023 11:39:23 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - however I hear customs can be problematic out of France

May 30, 2023 11:38:22 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

It’s a $150-200 part you plug into the engine. No bigger than your fist

May 30, 2023 11:38:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Full speed ahead Ahoy over here!

May 30, 2023 11:39:13 AM Me

The battery I bought does work with a solar panel so I can be totally off grid with it 😊

May 30, 2023 11:39:23 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - however I hear customs can be problematic out of France
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 30, 2023 11:39:48 AM Me

mmm… let me dig up the link and send it to you to see what you think when you have 60secs

May 30, 2023 11:39:53 AM Me

I know your busy

May 30, 2023 11:40:09 AM Me

Besides I dont need it ASAP, but I would like to get it if possible

May 30, 2023 11:40:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My car tent and other gear I bought will all arrive this week

May 30, 2023 11:40:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

STOKED!!!!

May 30, 2023 11:41:17 AM Me

I had a crazy idea of blogging this experience… “the Divorce Dispatches”

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May 30, 2023 11:41:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Because who the fuck knows where I’ll be posting from

May 30, 2023 11:42:27 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Getting on the road to Moab - have a good day

May 30, 2023 11:44:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Awesome

May 30, 2023 11:44:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Send pics!

May 30, 2023 11:44:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Never been to Moab but want to hike there

May 30, 2023 12:32:13 PM Me

Twitter

May 30, 2023 12:33:06 PM Me

Twitter

May 30, 2023 4:43:08 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

May 30, 2023 4:43:29 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 59 seconds) Me

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May 30, 2023 4:47:27 PM Me

Do u like?

May 30, 2023 4:48:02 PM Me

Thinking of doing a Brady Bunch like grid on my homepage next to my intro. Could look cool to have eight different nine different pictures of me all AI generated in different styles.

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May 30, 2023 4:48:08 PM Me

Thoughts?

May 30, 2023 4:58:53 PM Me

I had dozens of avatars I have generated and download it all for free

May 30, 2023 4:58:55 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

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Moab

May 30, 2023 4:59:00 PM Me

FREE

May 30, 2023 4:59:29 PM Me

That’s exactly what I expected Moab to be

May 30, 2023 4:59:43 PM Me

Just got a find a taco truck

May 30, 2023 5:01:25 PM Me

A few questions for you when you have time to answer. Number one I believe I asked you if you cleared my appearance this summer with your beloved and the girls Is there a date that is too early for me to arrive? Would bringing Weston my dog with me to Colorado be a possibility? If not totally cool, but I thought I would ask, he does nothing but lay in sleep he’s 14 and getting elderly. I would just hate for him to pass in the summer and I wasn’t with him.

May 30, 2023 5:01:59 PM Me

The dog, and still hike like a mofo, he’s just not lightning fast anymore

May 30, 2023 5:02:16 PM Me

He would be living his best life hiking in the Rocky Mountains

May 30, 2023 5:02:43 PM Me

I call him the Yoda of the Sespe

May 30, 2023 5:13:19 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

May 30, 2023 5:14:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

May 30, 2023 5:44:40 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Love these images

May 30, 2023 5:45:08 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

May 30, 2023 5:45:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can basically make myself into anything

May 30, 2023 5:46:00 PM Me

I know art + I know META thinking

May 30, 2023 5:46:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Give me something for kicks, a style, genre, etc.

May 30, 2023 5:47:03 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 11 seconds) Me

Headed to town right now with a load but will be back

May 30, 2023 5:51:16 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

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May 30, 2023 6:01:05 PM Me

Amazing, you found a taco truck and that is an amazing photo. Color palette is perfect. Sarah’s dress color of the trailer Willow’s dress color color of your shirt and sunglasses. It’s a really cool pallet.

May 30, 2023 6:01:25 PM Me

Says summer

May 30, 2023 6:02:00 PM Me

❤️ ur 👓

May 30, 2023 6:58:28 PM Me

Drive one load down, unpack it, drive back up, park, hop in the other car, drive it down, unpack, go to the store, come home and call it a night

May 30, 2023 6:58:35 PM Me

Still have my computer desk and 2 big aeron chairs to come down

May 30, 2023 6:58:35 PM Me

4 loads after these 2

May 30, 2023 6:58:35 PM Me

I have to Erin chairs and I could barter one for some rent 🤣🤣

May 30, 2023 7:29:23 PM Me

First image for the divorce dispatches

May 30, 2023 7:46:13 PM Me

May 30, 2023 7:47:02 PM Me

May 31, 2023 7:50:40 AM Me

Gut morning

May 31, 2023 7:51:05 AM Me

What rocking today?

May 31, 2023 7:52:30 AM Me

Also FYI If u wanted to pitch some projects on upwork and sub the work to me I'm down with that while I'm looking. The fact that you have an active profile and customers who have given you reviews, makes it for more likely you'll get more work a new projects let me know what you think

May 31, 2023 8:46:39 AM Me

Feeling this, this week

May 31, 2023 9:03:23 AM (Read by them after 4 hours, 47 minutes, 51 seconds) Me

May 31, 2023 11:44:03 AM Me

Just saw Liz Not triggered No emotions She’s just there. I’m doing me and happy as a clam

May 31, 2023 9:40:44 PM Me

See my real-time location on Google Maps!

May 31, 2023 9:45:42 PM Me

My camp location See my real-time location on Maps:

Jun 01, 2023 10:39:55 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 10 minutes, 44 seconds) Me

Hola, Happy Thursday

Jun 01, 2023 10:40:12 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 10 minutes, 27 seconds) Me

First day of my new life — Day 0

Jun 01, 2023 10:40:43 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 9 minutes, 56 seconds) Me

Feeling pretty damn good and positive. I love that I feel entirely opposite of what I was anticipating

Jun 01, 2023 10:40:52 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 9 minutes, 47 seconds) Me

Expectation = Trail of Tears

Jun 01, 2023 10:41:05 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 9 minutes, 34 seconds) Me

And fears

Jun 01, 2023 10:41:17 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 9 minutes, 22 seconds) Me

Wait….. Tears for Fears. OMG

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Jun 01, 2023 10:41:34 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 9 minutes, 5 seconds) Me

Spotify time… good stuff to move boxes to 😊

Jun 01, 2023 10:42:05 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 8 minutes, 34 seconds) Me

Everybody wants to Rule the World

Jun 01, 2023 10:42:20 AM (Read by them after 5 hours, 8 minutes, 19 seconds) Me

How is the MOAB???

Jun 01, 2023 4:39:35 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 26 minutes) ⇲ +13038752587

Fun and busy

Jun 01, 2023 1:36:54 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 13 minutes, 45 seconds) Me

This is MAJOR TOM to ground control.

Jun 01, 2023 1:37:24 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 13 minutes, 15 seconds) Me

GROUND CONTROL you there, OVER…

Jun 01, 2023 1:37:24 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 13 minutes, 15 seconds) Me

🛰️

Jun 01, 2023 2:16:04 PM Me

Jun 01, 2023 4:39:35 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 26 minutes) ⇱ +13038752587

Fun and busy
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 01, 2023 4:41:15 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 24 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

At dinosaur 🦕 amusement now

Jun 01, 2023 6:03:36 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 1 minute, 59 seconds) +13038752587

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Jun 01, 2023 10:06:21 PM Me

Just laying down in my car after setting up the new car tent Day zero

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Jun 01, 2023 10:36:00 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Start journaling for the dispatch

Jun 01, 2023 10:36:10 PM Me

Yes

Jun 01, 2023 10:37:38 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Send a picture of your setup tomorrow.

Jun 01, 2023 10:37:48 PM Me

Ok

Jun 01, 2023 10:38:40 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 51 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

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Jun 01, 2023 10:42:30 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 47 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Sleep well 😴 I should have time tomorrow to chat 💬.

Jun 02, 2023 9:30:18 AM Me

Love that pic

Jun 02, 2023 9:30:52 AM Me

Jun 02, 2023 9:31:06 AM Me

Unable to locate attachment: 70741265444__86907F1F-A60C-4FAE-BA89-A0C79ED3B78F.fullsizerender.HEIC

Jun 02, 2023 9:31:42 AM Me

Unable to locate attachment: 70741268613__52880BB7-651A-4E04-B49B-F41A262DEFB0.fullsizerender.HEIC

Jun 02, 2023 9:31:54 AM Me

It’s more comfortable than I thought

Jun 02, 2023 9:32:15 AM Me

Unable to locate attachment: 70741272522__6C992019-3DAB-4272-A9FB-847D21568B70.fullsizerender.HEIC

Jun 02, 2023 9:32:34 AM Me

I got this sweet portable battery to that will juice anything and you can plug a solar panel into it to charge

Jun 02, 2023 9:34:10 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet

Jun 02, 2023 9:36:39 AM Me

Going to write a blog post. Then I am headed back over to the house for the last bit to the office. Got all the big shit out it’s just random pens and shit.

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Jun 02, 2023 9:57:38 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Unable to locate attachment: 70741425102__C650026E-B383-4D9F-AA94-948ADC2CDDBB.heic

Jun 02, 2023 9:57:44 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Repair flat on Willows bike

Jun 02, 2023 10:58:21 AM Me

I’ll let you know when I’m done on campus

Jun 02, 2023 10:59:09 AM Me

And back to camp. Going to bring Weston over tonight 🐾

Jun 02, 2023 12:15:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good reminder from one of my teachers sent to me today

Jun 02, 2023 12:15:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Be conscious of the expectations you keep about people. Even those who promise their lives to you can change their mind in a moment.”

Jun 02, 2023 12:26:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://checklist.gg

Jun 02, 2023 12:27:22 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://fathom.video/

Jun 02, 2023 8:32:22 PM Me

My favorite shelf that has little toys going back to win the boys or four and five years old. The cleaning that up tomorrow. The last bit OK I’m out.

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Jun 02, 2023 10:30:00 PM Me

Hola

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

Going to hit it. Packed 10 boxes 📦 from office today

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

I asked Helena for a picture today and OMG 😍

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

She’s sent photos before but there’s something in her eyes. Anyhow…

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

?

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

Loud tonight

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

Return tomorrow am for last few things. Then I’m done done

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

I’m taken by her 🔥

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

At least until i return this fall

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

When is it ok to arrive?

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:10 PM Me

I’m here until 9th. Then I could hit the road sometime after that

Jun 02, 2023 10:30:14 PM Me

Jun 02, 2023 10:31:40 PM Me

https://youtube.com/shorts/eAbVzs2Xddc?feature=share

Jun 02, 2023 11:21:59 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful. He looks comfortable 😍 We will arrive on the 10th. Will need 5-7 days to settle in. After a few days in the desert 🏜️ we were ready to hit the national parks of the west. Could be a great way for you to travel this way and see some amazing places. Joshua Tree, Lake Havasu, Grand Canyon, Glen Canyons, Canyonlands, Arches Or Through Vegas to Zion, Bryce Canyon, Canyon. Lands, Arches

Jun 02, 2023 11:23:41 PM ⇲ Me

If I could figure out a way to do it with the car in charging. Going to have to do a little sleuthing to see if it’s possible.

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Jun 02, 2023 11:22:54 PM +13038752587

We will be back in Longmont tomorrow night to start the final packing for the summer move.

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Jun 02, 2023 11:23:41 PM ⇱ Me

If I could figure out a way to do it with the car in charging. Going to have to do a little sleuthing to see if it’s possible.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2023 11:24:42 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 49 minutes) +13038752587

Of the sleep. Sleep well 😴

Jun 03, 2023 11:05:58 AM Me

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Good morning. I’m back in the office and just happened to look up and saw the sticky note I had not grabbed Interesting I read that, I must’ve written that to myself, and stuck it on the wall three years ago, and at that time I couldn’t feel it.

Jun 03, 2023 11:10:28 AM Me

How goes it

Jun 03, 2023 11:10:43 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

GM

Jun 03, 2023 11:11:09 AM +13038752587

Heading to hot springs

Jun 03, 2023 11:11:33 AM +13038752587

Then back to Longmont

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Jun 03, 2023 11:11:52 AM Me

I should only be here for a couple of hours, then take the last load to storage. I can’t decide if I should then go back to the campground and just chill for the day, or stay at storage and organize stuff. I do have to organize things before I takeoff only because I sort of threw the last load in the air without really thinking about it and as you know if you put things in there with thought you can create more space. Let me know what you think on the spending all day finishing up the moving stuff versus splitting it today and tomorrow.

Jun 03, 2023 11:12:51 AM Me

I am sore only because I’ve done this three days, straight all by myself, with the exception of some help from Declan

Jun 03, 2023 11:16:59 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Go organize a bit and then chill

Jun 03, 2023 11:18:18 AM +13038752587

So split it

Jun 03, 2023 11:21:46 AM Me

K

Jun 03, 2023 11:22:22 AM Me

I’m a bit too tired to think sensefully

Jun 03, 2023 11:34:00 AM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 03, 2023 12:33:46 PM Me

Wow

Jun 03, 2023 12:36:36 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

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Jun 03, 2023 12:56:37 PM ⇲ Me

Love the glasses

Jun 03, 2023 12:56:44 PM ⇲ Me

Looks cold

Jun 03, 2023 12:44:00 PM Me

Jun 03, 2023 12:44:17 PM Me

So much fucking work

Jun 03, 2023 12:44:23 PM Me

14 boxes

Jun 03, 2023 12:44:34 PM Me

What’s left is hers

Jun 03, 2023 12:56:37 PM ⇱ Me

Love the glasses
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2023 12:56:44 PM ⇱ Me

Looks cold
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2023 12:58:17 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

54 air temp

Jun 03, 2023 12:58:41 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

85-90 main pool

Jun 03, 2023 12:58:51 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

104 therapy pool

Jun 03, 2023 12:59:17 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Water slide temp 65-70

Jun 03, 2023 1:06:41 PM Me

Brrrr

Jun 03, 2023 1:06:47 PM Me

🥶

Jun 03, 2023 1:07:03 PM Me

Btw here’s a pic Helena sent me last night

Jun 03, 2023 1:07:30 PM Me

So now you know what she looks like

Jun 03, 2023 1:07:44 PM Me

I find her 🔥🔥🔥

Jun 03, 2023 4:39:27 PM Me

Spotify

Jun 03, 2023 6:58:58 PM Me

Question for you, do you think you’ll spend the rest of your life in Colorado? Do you think you’ll live in another state maybe or is Colorado it for you?

Jun 03, 2023 7:17:09 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 10 minutes, 44 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Maybe Washington- really like the Olympic Peninsula

Jun 03, 2023 6:59:50 PM Me

I’m starting to think beyond Darragh‘s graduation, because I suspect a year from now, my life will be in a vastly different place, and literally a year from today will be graduation and once he’s graduated, I have nothing holding me to Ohio any longer

Jun 03, 2023 7:00:08 PM Me

Or OJAI

Jun 03, 2023 7:00:13 PM Me

🤣

Jun 03, 2023 7:02:03 PM Me

Definitely not a married man again (yet) but certainly could be in a relationship possibly serious

Jun 03, 2023 7:02:57 PM Me

If I find someone I’m smitten with I don’t have time to wait for some idealized woman.

Jun 03, 2023 7:03:22 PM Me

I have fewer years ahead than behind 🤣

Jun 03, 2023 7:17:09 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 10 minutes, 44 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Maybe Washington- really like the Olympic Peninsula
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2023 8:06:08 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 04, 2023 9:53:23 AM Me

Hey 👋

Jun 04, 2023 11:19:49 AM Me

Buddha is my copilot

Jun 04, 2023 12:09:58 PM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Jun 04, 2023 12:10:11 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Like the Buddha

Jun 04, 2023 1:02:09 PM Me

In Longmont?

Jun 04, 2023 1:02:19 PM Me

I just packed up car

Jun 04, 2023 1:02:39 PM Me

Think today is a rest day

Jun 04, 2023 1:03:05 PM Me

Going hard all week

Jun 04, 2023 1:03:58 PM Me

Maybe go to beach to chill and meditate Might be good energies by ocean

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Jun 04, 2023 1:04:19 PM Me

Take a nap on beach 🏖️ 😴

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Jun 04, 2023 1:15:04 PM Me

Remember this?

Jun 04, 2023 1:15:09 PM Me

https://open.spotify.com/track/0q21FNwES2bbtcduB6kjEU?si=xfpfunsWRRiOSzQvpCAcYw&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1DX8eMyhtzAuvp

Jun 04, 2023 2:01:23 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 13 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Great song

Jun 04, 2023 2:01:53 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 12 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - in Longmont- catching up on some work. Girls went to a dog show

Jun 04, 2023 5:15:32 PM Me

Hiked Gretch

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Jun 04, 2023 5:15:32 PM Me

On top now

Jun 04, 2023 5:39:03 PM Me

No see ums HOLY SHIT

Jun 05, 2023 9:26:54 AM Me

Hi

Jun 05, 2023 9:27:00 AM Me

Depressed today

Jun 05, 2023 9:27:49 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Good morning

Jun 05, 2023 9:27:52 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

On a call

Jun 05, 2023 9:27:58 AM Me

Went to bed upset last night crying. Woke up it’s been light rain all night and my stuff is soaked

Jun 05, 2023 9:29:26 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

The adventures of camping

Jun 05, 2023 9:29:51 AM Me

Don’t need the hassle right now

Jun 05, 2023 9:32:51 AM Me

I’m already depressed enough don’t need rain and my shit wet. There is no joy or fun in that for me now

Jun 05, 2023 11:43:01 AM Me

What’s going on in your world today? Sounds like you’re working a bit.

Jun 05, 2023 11:44:05 AM Me

I had a thought, and that was that since you have traction on the website getting gigs, if you wanted to offer what my Skillset can do and sub it out to me I’m happy to take it on if you wanted to take on more. And I would be happy to take over the client back-and-forth so it takes you out of the middle. You were just hand it off to me professionally of course like have a three person meeting. Anyhow, ponder that let me know what you think

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Jun 05, 2023 11:45:03 AM Me

Today is the first day I am really starting applications hard. Been getting my stuff dry this morning and I need the car charged I’m up at campus and going to sit online for a few hours and set a goal of at least 12 applications minimum.

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Jun 05, 2023 11:45:29 AM Me

I got to say I’m feeling really ungrounded metaphorically speaking

Jun 05, 2023 11:45:51 AM Me

Like feeling pseudo—homeless

Jun 05, 2023 11:52:11 AM Me

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Jun 05, 2023 11:52:30 AM Me

Jun 05, 2023 12:12:55 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 33 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Working for a bit

Jun 05, 2023 12:13:07 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 33 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Send me your Upwork profile again

Jun 05, 2023 12:13:14 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 33 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Via email

Jun 05, 2023 2:47:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, will do. Just getting online. Been going through piles of papers I threw in a pile to get out of the office. A Mount Everest of paper waste in my wake

Jun 05, 2023 5:34:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here you go. Let me know what you see:

Jun 05, 2023 5:34:47 PM Me

https://www.upwork.com/freelancers/~0156730549b2588c01?s=1044578476142100492

Jun 05, 2023 6:38:44 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

It’s set to private? So I can’t see it.

Jun 05, 2023 6:42:38 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

I was thinking about your set up - may be worth investing in a quick popup tent to keep things in and dry. So you don’t have to break camp every time you go somewhere - We had a decent one from Walmart for a few years -

Jun 05, 2023 6:45:45 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

This is similar to the one we had - you lay it out and lift it up - the poles are attached - takes 10 mins to set up

Jun 05, 2023 6:45:51 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Walmart.com

Jun 05, 2023 8:42:41 PM Me

I may just get a good Bivy

Jun 05, 2023 8:43:12 PM Me

Saw a 2 person that’s held up by hiking poles

Jun 05, 2023 8:44:42 PM Me

Trekker Tent 2V

Jun 05, 2023 8:44:46 PM Me

Amazon.com

Jun 05, 2023 8:49:33 PM Me

Limited-time deal: Clostnature 1-Person Tent for Backpacking - Ultralight One Person Backpacking Tent, Hiking Tent for One Man, Solo,...

Jun 05, 2023 8:49:37 PM Me

Amazon.com

Jun 05, 2023 8:50:25 PM Me

River Country Products One Person Trekking Pole Tent, Ultralight Backpacking Tent

Jun 05, 2023 8:50:28 PM Me

Amazon.com

Jun 05, 2023 8:53:56 PM Me

KAZOO 2／4 Person Camping Tent Outdoor Waterproof Family Large Tents 2/4 People Easy Setup Tent with Porch Double Layer

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Jun 05, 2023 8:54:00 PM Me

Amazon.com

Jun 05, 2023 8:57:32 PM Me

Clostnature Lightweight Backpacking Tent - 3 Season Ultralight Waterproof Camping Tent, Large Size Easy Setup Tent for Family, Outdoo...

Jun 05, 2023 8:57:36 PM Me

Amazon.com

Jun 05, 2023 10:29:30 PM Me

—— I got this because I like that it works with my poles and I don’t have to carry extras Trekker Tent 2V

Jun 05, 2023 10:29:35 PM Me

Amazon.com

Jun 05, 2023 10:29:51 PM Me

And a basic first aid kit

Jun 05, 2023 10:30:42 PM Me

Jun 05, 2023 10:31:14 PM Me

2 new bulbs are LED USB rechargeables with 3 dim settings

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Jun 05, 2023 10:32:26 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Bed time here - sleep well 😴

Jun 06, 2023 1:36:31 PM Me

Good afternoon, apparently up Work sets your account private if you don’t earn money in 90 days and our brand, new, if you do or money, they keep you live for two years without earning money and then will set you to private. In either instance, they say they do this to keep the marketplace, vibrant. I click the button to ask support to turn my account back on to public. Once I receive the email confirmation I’ll ping you and let me know if you can see my profile.

Jun 06, 2023 1:37:05 PM Me

Slept really well on new pad

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Jun 06, 2023 2:54:14 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

OpenExO

Jun 06, 2023 2:54:28 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

A couple of smart dudes

Jun 06, 2023 2:54:57 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Ne registration needed - just click the video

Jun 06, 2023 5:05:50 PM Me

Try seeing my upward profile again

Jun 06, 2023 5:06:02 PM Me

https://www.upwork.com/freelancers/~0156730549b2588c01?s=1044578476142100492

Jun 06, 2023 5:11:59 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 9 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

What is your experience with Digital Ocean - Droplets and SSH?

Jun 06, 2023 5:13:00 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 8 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

UBUNTU AND LEMP?

Jun 06, 2023 5:25:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 56 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Resend Upwork link again - message did not come through on laptop

Jun 06, 2023 6:38:43 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Are you getting these messages?

Jun 06, 2023 7:21:36 PM Me

Hi

Jun 06, 2023 7:21:53 PM Me

I was gone all afternoon taking the boys to the dentist and just got back into Ojai

Jun 06, 2023 7:24:02 PM Me

I have experience with all you mentioned

Jun 06, 2023 7:25:50 PM Me

It’s turned on now

Jun 06, 2023 7:25:55 PM Me

Upwork

Jun 06, 2023 7:26:04 PM Me

You can see my little face now

Jun 06, 2023 8:02:38 PM Me

Just applied to this. Kind of org I'm after: https://www.aha.io/company/careers/current-openings/sr-ux-designer-remote

Jun 07, 2023 9:35:46 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning

Jun 07, 2023 9:36:51 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want to do a few hours work on PHP, Permissions, and website layout?

Jun 07, 2023 9:53:58 AM Me

Sure!

Jun 07, 2023 9:54:29 AM Me

I’m headed to the optometrist right now to get my glasses fixed. I’ll ping you when I’m done.

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Jun 07, 2023 11:10:07 AM Me

Hey i’m all done at the optometrist and headed to campus to get online. I should be online in 1520 minutes. If you want to email me any resources etc. send them my way now and when I open ping you and maybe do a quick call if you feel you need to talk to me about it. You know how good I am at reading the tea leaves and inferring what people want so I typically know what to do. If you give me the 100,000 foot picture. In other words what outcome do you want. Where do you want things to be when I’m done? Make sense?

Jun 07, 2023 11:14:45 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Best to do a quick call/zoom

Jun 07, 2023 11:31:55 AM Me

Ok

Jun 07, 2023 11:32:21 AM Me

I am on campus. Plugging in my car. Come on Misty up by maintenance, they have a couple of better than wall plug chargers.

Jun 07, 2023 11:38:08 AM Me

Jun 07, 2023 11:38:42 AM Me

That’s my white VW golf plugged in on the end.

Jun 07, 2023 11:38:50 AM Me

Headed back to the laptop. Will ping you shortly

Jun 07, 2023 11:39:49 AM Me

Looking at, maybe Zion or arches as stops on my way. Maybe I do one on the way to you and do the other on the way back. Would like to camp there for one or two nights and hike the area and see the sights.

Jun 07, 2023 11:40:21 AM Me

I’d rather spend a couple of days in one place then one day in each place. I’ll be too rushed for any quality exploring.

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Jun 07, 2023 11:41:10 AM Me

Right now it looks like I would roll in to Carbondale somewhere between 15th and 17th but that is not firm at all. It’s very spitball based on the little I know so far.

Jun 07, 2023 12:02:55 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Eating something- I’ll call you in 30m

Jun 07, 2023 12:03:10 PM Me

K I just sat down at the machine, so I’m ready to rock ‘n’ roll

Jun 07, 2023 12:34:04 PM +13038752587

Setting up zoom

Jun 07, 2023 12:34:10 PM Me

K

Jun 07, 2023 12:38:29 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Zoom Video

Jun 07, 2023 12:43:00 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hello? Is there anybody out there?

Jun 07, 2023 12:50:46 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Computer shut down - rebooting- are you ready??

Jun 07, 2023 1:48:22 PM Me

Sorry about that had someone from maintenance come by about replacing our refrigerator and we had a long discussion about stuff. I’m ready in the next 3 to 5 minutes. I just need to use the restroom. I’ll click on the zoom and text you and wait.

Jun 07, 2023 2:00:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Says your meeting ID is invalid

Jun 07, 2023 2:06:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OK, I setup a meeting and am in there now

Jun 07, 2023 2:06:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Zoom Video

Jun 07, 2023 2:06:43 PM Me

Drop in when you can

Jun 07, 2023 2:07:11 PM +13038752587

Be right there

Jun 07, 2023 2:08:11 PM Me

No prob

Jun 07, 2023 2:12:02 PM +13038752587

Email me the zoom link please

Jun 07, 2023 2:12:12 PM Me

Think I did

Jun 07, 2023 2:12:17 PM Me

FDR email

Jun 07, 2023 2:13:38 PM +13038752587

Try again

Jun 07, 2023 2:13:54 PM +13038752587

Internet gremlins today

Jun 07, 2023 2:14:13 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Messages not loading in laptop either

Jun 07, 2023 2:51:22 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

Hey! Good morning. I’m so sorry about yesterday. Idk what happened. I reset my password 3 times, and it still wouldn’t work. Today, ta da - it did lol let me know if this is helpful. Another thought altogether (if there are any issues) which may be a little crazy but doable is to transfer the whole website to my other hosting (hostgator). I’m wondering if it is because I am not the original admin that it’s giving a hard time 🤔🤔🤔 Logins for the hosting digitalocean.com – username : professionalvideoads3@gmail.com password: USAflag2023! Server Droplet SSH Access Info Droplet IP : 159.203.170.93 username : root password : pva2021ADS /var/www/professionalvideoads.com/html

Jun 07, 2023 4:33:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do you have a download of the droplet?

Jun 07, 2023 4:52:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do you recall the server costs?

Jun 07, 2023 4:52:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I created a new droplet, a fresh WP VM

Jun 07, 2023 5:15:49 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

No, no, cool

Jun 07, 2023 5:29:26 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Ok, I have a new droplet, clean with WP running. I set all emails to mine for the time being (can change later).

Jun 07, 2023 5:29:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Still pushing. I have the UpdraftPlus backup files I can restore

Jun 07, 2023 5:33:42 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Hey Yo!

Jun 07, 2023 5:33:44 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

Jun 07, 2023 5:33:51 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

New WP is running on the domain.

Jun 07, 2023 5:33:55 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

I’m logged in

Jun 07, 2023 5:34:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

With the certs in place, etc

Jun 07, 2023 5:34:13 PM Me

Will add you as an admin momentarily

Jun 07, 2023 5:34:30 PM Me

Do me a favor and DONT FUCK IT UP 😊

Jun 07, 2023 5:34:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hahahah

Jun 07, 2023 5:35:21 PM Me

Updated Aksimet

Jun 07, 2023 5:35:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Deleted Hello Dolley

Jun 07, 2023 5:38:17 PM Me

Updated to WP 6.2.2

Jun 07, 2023 5:38:23 PM Me

Updated themes

Jun 07, 2023 5:39:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Deleted 2021 and 2020 themes. Only 2023 theme now

Jun 07, 2023 5:42:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So I have the UpdraftBackups local, all the plugins, themes, downloads, etc.

Jun 07, 2023 5:42:58 PM Me

Easiest thing is for me to connect via SFTP and copy everything in place.

Jun 07, 2023 5:43:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Last bit is to import the right tables from the DB download I have.

Jun 07, 2023 5:43:41 PM Me

Dont want all the config crap, just data (content) and image/asset pointing to the right place.

Jun 07, 2023 5:43:57 PM Me

Sometimes takes a little tweaking but I’ll get it working

Jun 07, 2023 5:44:07 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Going to go pickup pizza I ordered.

Jun 07, 2023 5:45:08 PM Me

Be back by 5:30 and this will be done shortly thereafter

Jun 07, 2023 5:51:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maintenance plugin set

Jun 07, 2023 5:51:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://professionalvideoads.com/

Jun 07, 2023 5:51:18 PM Me

K back soon, getting pizza

Jun 07, 2023 6:44:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Howdy. Back. Eating dinner quick and back at it

Jun 07, 2023 7:12:58 PM Me

K, back on laptop. Going to get everything back on the server

Jun 07, 2023 8:00:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Files are uploading now to uoloads

Jun 07, 2023 8:00:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Was able to SFTP into the droplet ;-P

Jun 07, 2023 8:01:55 PM Me

Plugins going up now

Jun 07, 2023 8:03:31 PM Me

Do you have downloads of all the updraft backups???

Jun 07, 2023 8:30:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Just the oldest one

Jun 07, 2023 8:44:25 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 19 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

There is another backup plugin that may have a back up - wp import/export??

Jun 07, 2023 9:32:56 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Emailed you what I have

Jun 07, 2023 10:04:26 PM Me

Ok

Jun 07, 2023 10:04:40 PM Me

Just got camp setup

Jun 07, 2023 10:05:25 PM Me

Getting online now

Jun 07, 2023 10:05:33 PM Me

Need theme

Jun 07, 2023 10:05:45 PM Me

And DB backup

Jun 07, 2023 10:06:08 PM Me

Once I have those I should be good

Jun 07, 2023 10:29:48 PM Me

K, gots all the goods now

Jun 07, 2023 10:29:51 PM Me

You online?

Jun 07, 2023 10:30:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You asleep

Jun 07, 2023 10:30:49 PM Me

BTW, this is REALLY cool. I am way off grid and on my laptop tethered to the phone sitting on top of a giant battery getting juiced through the back magnet

Jun 08, 2023 12:31:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Check your email

Jun 08, 2023 8:42:46 AM Me

Hey yo

Jun 08, 2023 8:42:56 AM Me

You up?

Jun 08, 2023 8:44:00 AM Me

Get the email to the website?

Jun 08, 2023 8:44:05 AM Me

Just got online

Jun 08, 2023 8:44:10 AM Me

Right now dealing with plugin update issues.

Jun 08, 2023 8:57:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wifis working

Jun 08, 2023 9:05:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My wifi is working, but its slow

Jun 08, 2023 9:06:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

May just backup and go to Starbucks for faster wifi

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Jun 08, 2023 9:06:13 AM Me

less than 5 miles away

Jun 08, 2023 9:14:57 AM Me

Jun 08, 2023 9:58:17 AM Me

About to leave the site and be at Starbucks

Jun 08, 2023 9:59:10 AM Me

I’ll have the plug-in thing sorted out in about 30 minutes after I get on it and then I think everything is OK I just need to check some settings

Jun 08, 2023 9:59:33 AM Me

Also, I see multiple plug-ins that do the same thing in there, so there needs to be some tidying up

Jun 08, 2023 10:05:17 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I saw that too. I’m not sure as the purchased the site. My guess is they are not aware. Let’s get it back online and then address the plug-ins

Jun 08, 2023 9:59:41 AM Me

Are you aware of that or is that the clients doing?

Jun 08, 2023 10:00:06 AM Me

Lots of overlapping functionality

Jun 08, 2023 10:05:17 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I saw that too. I’m not sure as the purchased the site. My guess is they are not aware. Let’s get it back online and then address the plug-ins
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 08, 2023 10:05:41 AM +13038752587

Away for 20m BBS

Jun 08, 2023 10:05:56 AM Me

K

Jun 08, 2023 10:06:06 AM Me

By then, I’ll probably just be at Starbucks rocking it just about to pull out

Reactions:

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Jun 08, 2023 10:50:58 AM Me

I’m here

Jun 08, 2023 10:51:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just into the plugins now

Jun 08, 2023 10:51:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know when you can login to the admin area?

Jun 08, 2023 10:54:38 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I’m here

Jun 08, 2023 10:54:56 AM Me

Cool, you in?

Jun 08, 2023 10:55:09 AM Me

Can see WP-admin>

Jun 08, 2023 10:55:27 AM +13038752587

What is new pw

Jun 08, 2023 10:55:42 AM Me

I can reset to whatever you want

Jun 08, 2023 10:55:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What you want?

Jun 08, 2023 10:56:00 AM +13038752587

123enter

Jun 08, 2023 10:56:21 AM +13038752587

I’ll reset it after

Jun 08, 2023 10:56:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW I love staring at beautiful women with wild abandon and no repercussions 😊

Jun 08, 2023 10:56:41 AM Me

Starbucks Ojai is full of them walking thru

Jun 08, 2023 10:57:02 AM Me

And I’m sitting directly across from drive thru window so I see everyone who pulls up

Jun 08, 2023 10:57:18 AM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

May be challenging to focus

Jun 08, 2023 10:57:23 AM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Jun 08, 2023 10:57:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Haha

Jun 08, 2023 10:57:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just emailed you a link from the site

Jun 08, 2023 10:57:55 AM Me

Has your 123enter on it

Jun 08, 2023 10:58:02 AM Me

Lmk when you can get in

Jun 08, 2023 10:58:21 AM Me

Also I set this droplet to the LOWEST price for the premium hard drives

Jun 08, 2023 11:01:29 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I’m in

Jun 08, 2023 11:05:40 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

What are the next steps

Jun 08, 2023 11:05:49 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 08, 2023 11:14:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hold on. You may be seeing a cached version

Jun 08, 2023 11:14:38 AM Me

Go incognito

Jun 08, 2023 11:14:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You should see the maintenance page

Jun 08, 2023 11:15:51 AM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

I was seeing maintenance but now see error message

Jun 08, 2023 11:16:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My dashboard

Jun 08, 2023 11:16:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Jun 08, 2023 11:17:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

U logged in>

Jun 08, 2023 11:17:37 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - see dashboard

Jun 08, 2023 11:17:54 AM Me

But seeing broken when looking at it local I get it

Jun 08, 2023 11:18:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I see it too

Jun 08, 2023 11:18:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hold on

Jun 08, 2023 11:26:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Restarted the droplet

Jun 08, 2023 11:26:08 AM Me

Not the issue

Jun 08, 2023 11:28:59 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

What php is it running

Jun 08, 2023 11:29:16 AM Me

should be 8, let me confirm

Jun 08, 2023 11:31:06 AM Me

PHP 8.0.28 (cli) (built: Feb 14 2023 18:33:29) ( NTS )

Jun 08, 2023 11:31:42 AM Me

Are you thinking there’s something taking the site down because of the PHP issue

Jun 08, 2023 11:32:41 AM Me

Theme issue

Jun 08, 2023 11:32:43 AM Me

https://professionalvideoads.com/

Jun 08, 2023 11:32:55 AM Me

No plugins and 2023 theme and its up

Jun 08, 2023 11:33:38 AM Me

I know right now there are permission issues with all the existing plugins sitting in there, the themes too

Jun 08, 2023 11:33:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its because of the copying back and forth

Jun 08, 2023 11:34:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I tried god level updates to sort that out and for whatever reason it didnt stick

Jun 08, 2023 11:34:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So I’m manually downloading the latest version of each plugin

Jun 08, 2023 11:34:31 AM +13038752587

That was the original issue updating the them

Jun 08, 2023 11:34:31 AM Me

Then uploading over existing version

Jun 08, 2023 11:34:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There are issues inside the DB and WP-options right now causing all this error bullshit

Jun 08, 2023 11:35:07 AM Me

Once I overwrite with latest versions errors should go *poof*

Jun 08, 2023 11:35:07 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Needed to adjust permissions and then notice php issue with woocommerce

Jun 08, 2023 11:35:24 AM Me

Let me get it running with plugins and theme on

Jun 08, 2023 11:35:37 AM +13038752587

The theme star to with A

Jun 08, 2023 11:35:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then you can set whatever you need, and then can go in and tweak permissions

Jun 08, 2023 11:35:48 AM Me

I know what I’m dealing with now

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Jun 08, 2023 11:36:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was bumping into things digitally speaking — last night

Jun 08, 2023 11:36:23 AM Me

When I created a new droplet the light build went off

Jun 08, 2023 11:36:24 AM +13038752587

Can you set up the maintenance page

Jun 08, 2023 11:36:36 AM Me

Sure

Jun 08, 2023 11:36:42 AM Me

Be sure to look at incognito

Jun 08, 2023 11:36:56 AM +13038752587

Keep client secure if she checks site

Jun 08, 2023 11:36:56 AM Me

Logged in as admin will show u hidden website

Reactions:

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Jun 08, 2023 11:40:39 AM Me

Should be up

Jun 08, 2023 11:40:49 AM Me

Take a peek on incognito

Jun 08, 2023 11:41:12 AM +13038752587

See maintenance page 😀

Jun 08, 2023 11:41:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Simple message

Jun 08, 2023 11:41:16 AM Me

Cool

Jun 08, 2023 11:41:29 AM Me

I’ll keep at the plugin theme work

Jun 08, 2023 11:41:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What ones help you out first so you can start doing your thing?

Jun 08, 2023 11:41:56 AM Me

And what info do you need from me for the client?

Jun 08, 2023 11:42:26 AM (Read by you after 55 seconds) +13038752587

Theme, elementor

Jun 08, 2023 11:42:37 AM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Then woo

Jun 08, 2023 11:43:16 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

List of redundant plug-in

Jun 08, 2023 11:43:31 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

To go over with her

Jun 08, 2023 11:43:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Jun 08, 2023 11:43:29 AM Me

Let me do those now

Jun 08, 2023 11:43:31 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

To go over with her
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 08, 2023 11:43:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, easy, can do

Jun 08, 2023 12:30:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So your theme is installed and ready

Jun 08, 2023 12:30:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Astra

Jun 08, 2023 12:30:22 PM Me

And Elementor core is in there

Jun 08, 2023 12:30:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Still doing uploads

Jun 08, 2023 12:30:39 PM Me

Takes time. Do it one by one

Jun 08, 2023 12:30:46 PM Me

To make sure nothing is missed and no errors

Jun 08, 2023 12:31:08 PM Me

Bulk copying can introduce errors that are hard to overcome and then you have to copy it all over again

Jun 08, 2023 12:31:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Live and learn

Jun 08, 2023 12:52:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Need to head to house. Less than 10% battery and my cable is at the house.

Jun 08, 2023 12:52:30 PM Me

Nearly done updating woo

Jun 08, 2023 12:52:43 PM Me

Will finish other plugins when home. Less than 5 needing updates

Jun 08, 2023 12:55:35 PM Me

K 4 left to update

Jun 08, 2023 12:55:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Jun 08, 2023 12:55:54 PM Me

Will do asap when online at home. Moving now.

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Jun 08, 2023 2:03:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Im online

Jun 08, 2023 2:03:36 PM Me

Had to stop at store

Jun 08, 2023 2:03:40 PM Me

Will be done shortly

Jun 08, 2023 2:04:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Got my solar panel hooked up to my portable battery testing out its charging capabilities. So far so good. Like the panel -its flexible, but one straight piece

Reactions:

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Jun 08, 2023 2:05:21 PM Me

And got my new hiking tent too. Going to setup later with hiking poles to check it out. May camp up at Twin Peaks off campus here the couple nights before I go. About 1.5 mile hike into camp

Jun 08, 2023 2:05:37 PM Me

And started looking at campsites in Utah

Jun 08, 2023 2:06:02 PM Me

I may sleep while the car charges 😊

Jun 08, 2023 2:06:30 PM Me

Same charges will take 4 hours depending on speed of charging stations

Jun 08, 2023 2:07:14 PM Me

And I do have my plug into the wall option which COULD plug into my portable battery. It does have a wall outlet on it,

Jun 08, 2023 2:07:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So my car COULD work from the solar panel through the portable battery 😊

Jun 08, 2023 2:08:33 PM Me

I should go down and hook that up to see if the car shows its getting juice from the battery. If I can confirm that—holy shit—I could charge the car sitting in camp on a sunny day

Jun 08, 2023 2:08:42 PM Me

Off grid

Reactions:

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Jun 08, 2023 2:08:56 PM Me

w00t

Jun 08, 2023 2:09:00 PM Me

#ftw

Jun 08, 2023 2:10:04 PM Me

K fixing the rest of th site right now

Jun 08, 2023 2:10:08 PM +13038752587

Let me know when we can put the site back live

Jun 08, 2023 2:10:13 PM Me

Ping u when plugins are done

Reactions:

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Jun 08, 2023 2:46:30 PM Me

Charging battery 🪫😜

Jun 08, 2023 3:01:34 PM Me

FINALLY

Jun 08, 2023 3:01:40 PM Me

Plugins are updated

Jun 08, 2023 3:02:08 PM Me

Doing the plugin report

Jun 08, 2023 3:03:31 PM Me

One thing I can tell you is that 40 plugins are FAR TOO MANY

Reactions:

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Jun 08, 2023 3:04:38 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

I noticed two Astras is one a child

Jun 08, 2023 3:05:01 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s make that theme active

Jun 08, 2023 3:25:47 PM Me

Ok

Jun 08, 2023 3:25:52 PM Me

Here is plugin report

Jun 08, 2023 3:25:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Google Docs

Jun 08, 2023 3:26:17 PM Me

4th column is my comments

Jun 08, 2023 3:26:58 PM Me

One astra is version 2.4.5

Jun 08, 2023 3:29:08 PM Me

How old are the girls now?

Jun 08, 2023 3:29:14 PM Me

7 and 4?

Reactions:

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Jun 08, 2023 3:30:15 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Have permissions but updated too

Jun 08, 2023 3:32:32 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Did a preview and that’s not what the site looked like

Jun 08, 2023 3:33:08 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Missing images

Jun 08, 2023 3:36:02 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes) +13038752587

Thinking may be an opportunity to rebuild website instead of just move things around

Jun 08, 2023 3:37:37 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Let me play with something’s and get back to you in about 1 hr

Jun 08, 2023 3:37:51 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to dinner with Sarah’s mom

Jun 08, 2023 3:55:24 PM Me

Cool

Jun 08, 2023 3:56:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have it back

Jun 08, 2023 3:56:35 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Jun 08, 2023 3:56:42 PM Me

Turned on theme

Jun 08, 2023 3:56:55 PM Me

Turned on Elementor

Jun 08, 2023 3:56:55 PM Me

That’s all

Jun 08, 2023 3:59:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Elementor Pro plugin took down the site.

Jun 08, 2023 3:59:27 PM Me

I removed it

Jun 08, 2023 4:02:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, done for now. Spent about 5-6 hours on it all together

Jun 08, 2023 4:02:47 PM Me

Was a mess of sorts. Still lots of plugins that are redundant in there. Run it with as few as possible.

Jun 08, 2023 4:06:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) +13038752587

The website is going to stay as a one page sales page - not locked into astra

Jun 08, 2023 4:07:46 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Off to dinner - and be back online in about 4 hours

Jun 08, 2023 4:08:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Jun 08, 2023 7:32:51 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Off to Thacher end of year party

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Jun 08, 2023 8:03:17 PM Me

Jun 09, 2023 8:27:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey there

Jun 09, 2023 9:05:50 AM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

GM - in a meeting Check in about an hour

Jun 09, 2023 10:12:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

New AI tools I saw this morning

Jun 09, 2023 10:12:22 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://spinach.io/

Jun 09, 2023 10:12:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

caspa AI_Waitlist

Jun 09, 2023 10:13:00 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This one summarizes your inbox

Jun 09, 2023 10:13:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://breef.in/

Jun 09, 2023 10:13:29 AM Me

This one is a news monitoring service:

Jun 09, 2023 10:13:31 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.concise.app/

Jun 09, 2023 11:31:44 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Anything to do on provideo site?

Jun 09, 2023 1:01:18 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Perhaps -

Jun 09, 2023 1:01:23 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Just getting online

Jun 09, 2023 1:02:18 PM Me

Bert Mahoney — A multi-disciplinary designer with over 30 years of experience.

Jun 09, 2023 1:02:38 PM Me

Updated graphics for the share. Changed myself to a Master Digital Designer

Jun 09, 2023 1:02:50 PM Me

I like my new avatars too much

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Jun 09, 2023 1:03:12 PM Me

Even Bert Van Gogh to the right in the background

Jun 09, 2023 1:04:58 PM Me

My last tweak I’m making is to make the homepage graphics for the projects more consistent, and also change their order. And a handful of other suggestions from my most recent colleague Jason. He’s the dude who lives in Longmont. I worked at Hatch with him. He’s a kiwi (from New Zealand) and is a good guy

Jun 09, 2023 1:06:06 PM Me

If we end up in Longmont over the summer I’m going to ping him to connect in person and hang out. You’ll like him. Smart grounded dude

Jun 09, 2023 1:06:20 PM Me

But a millennial 😊

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Jun 09, 2023 1:08:21 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 09, 2023 1:08:27 PM Me

FYI My day is online for a bit. —some finance stuff —clothes selection for summer, rest in storage —reviewing what’s coming in the car with me

Jun 09, 2023 1:09:05 PM +13038752587

This space feels like something is missing

Jun 09, 2023 1:09:08 PM Me

Let me guess, too much blank space

Jun 09, 2023 1:09:10 PM Me

Hahahahahahahaha

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Jun 09, 2023 1:09:13 PM Me

I was right

Jun 09, 2023 1:09:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Almost beat you to it

Jun 09, 2023 1:09:36 PM Me

Yeah agree. The untrained eye will see something missing.

Jun 09, 2023 1:10:16 PM Me

The trained eye sees grid and balance

Jun 09, 2023 1:11:09 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 48 seconds) +13038752587

The question then is “who will be viewing this page?”

Jun 09, 2023 1:11:28 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Those with trained or untrained eyes

Jun 09, 2023 1:13:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

First eyes are hiring managers

Jun 09, 2023 1:13:18 PM Me

Hit or miss

Jun 09, 2023 3:17:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, here ya go

Jun 09, 2023 3:17:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney — A multi-disciplinary designer with over 30 years of experience.

Jun 09, 2023 3:19:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney — A multi-disciplinary designer with over 30 years of experience.

Jun 09, 2023 3:19:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Added image

Jun 09, 2023 3:36:41 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Are the images for mobile

Jun 09, 2023 3:36:59 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 2 seconds) +13038752587

I will check desktop when I get back

Jun 09, 2023 3:37:30 PM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Also mobile has password protection for case studies

Jun 09, 2023 3:38:10 PM Me

Yes

Jun 09, 2023 3:38:20 PM Me

2 are protected

Jun 09, 2023 3:38:25 PM Me

NDAs

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Jun 09, 2023 3:39:03 PM Me

If someone’s serious about collecting and inquiring, I will let them look at it, but I’m just not gonna show it to the whole world. I already had the art and Logic copresident Paul reach out to me about it.

Jun 09, 2023 3:40:54 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 34 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Is the left justified intentional

Jun 09, 2023 3:50:42 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 24 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Clarifying design -the mobile site does not have any images besides case study images?

Jun 09, 2023 5:35:46 PM Me

Need to check it out. Liz just walked in and dumped word salad and anger at me.

Jun 09, 2023 5:36:04 PM Me

I just stood there and looked at her

Jun 09, 2023 5:37:51 PM Me

She said " I thought you would be out of here June 1" I replied, that all my shit was out of here, and I was out of here. She doesn't want my presence in the house unannounced

Jun 09, 2023 5:38:00 PM Me

Can't believe this

Jun 09, 2023 5:39:18 PM Me

Is now the time when I say that she's slowly turning into a b*tch?

Jun 09, 2023 6:01:49 PM Me

May blow out of here tonight

Jun 09, 2023 6:02:02 PM Me

Don't have a camp ⛺️

Jun 09, 2023 6:10:25 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Just stay at the campground where you have been staying

Jun 09, 2023 6:15:27 PM ⇲ Me

No reservation and it’s the weekend they’ll be sold out

Jun 09, 2023 6:11:23 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Have you not communicate about how the move out would go and ground rules.

Jun 09, 2023 6:16:12 PM ⇲ Me

No one told me that I had to ask to come into the house.

Jun 09, 2023 6:16:30 PM ⇲ Me

Plus, my washer and dryer is in this house so unless somebody’s paying me for half of that washer and dryer I’m gonna go access it

Jun 09, 2023 6:15:27 PM ⇱ Me

No reservation and it’s the weekend they’ll be sold out
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 09, 2023 6:15:52 PM Me

Officially fucking homeless now

Jun 09, 2023 6:16:12 PM ⇱ Me

No one told me that I had to ask to come into the house.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 09, 2023 6:16:21 PM +13038752587

You have a car

Jun 09, 2023 6:17:09 PM ⇲ Me

Slept in it last night but not setup as tent. Body hurts

Jun 09, 2023 6:16:30 PM ⇱ Me

Plus, my washer and dryer is in this house so unless somebody’s paying me for half of that washer and dryer I’m gonna go access it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 09, 2023 6:16:32 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Al two tents 🏕️

Jun 09, 2023 6:17:09 PM ⇱ Me

Slept in it last night but not setup as tent. Body hurts
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 09, 2023 6:17:36 PM Me

Anyhow depression my old friend is here tonight

Jun 09, 2023 6:17:51 PM Me

Just arrived about 20mins ago

Jun 09, 2023 6:29:28 PM Me

So much anger

Jun 09, 2023 6:37:17 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Let the anger go

Jun 09, 2023 6:38:11 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

You have options - don’t create stories that trigger mad/sad feelings

Jun 09, 2023 6:39:03 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Do a quick search for campsites in the area.

Jun 09, 2023 6:40:35 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Create an adventure out of finding a place

Jun 09, 2023 6:42:31 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 45 seconds) +13038752587

I can call you in about an hour

Jun 09, 2023 6:44:24 PM Me

K

Jun 09, 2023 6:44:31 PM Me

Trying to get off campus

Jun 09, 2023 7:03:40 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Thought you had plans to hike up from there and camp in the hills with your new tent

Jun 09, 2023 7:30:08 PM Me

Day got away from me, not prepared

Jun 09, 2023 7:30:34 PM Me

Plans that I had for Friday Saturday Sunday have evaporated. So I had planned on staying around on the weekend but now it looks like it’s not gonna happen.

Jun 09, 2023 7:30:53 PM Me

I may just take off early and unfortunately not get to spend Father’s Day with the guys

Jun 09, 2023 7:37:45 PM Me

Pulling away from the house right now and I have everything including my darts.

Jun 09, 2023 8:52:52 PM Me

I just got hit in the face with depression

Jun 09, 2023 8:53:10 PM Me

Hard ideation while driving

Jun 09, 2023 9:32:13 PM Me

I’m parked next to the ocean. Hopefully they won’t enforce no parking from 9pm -6am There are many cars and a few mobile homes parked and it’s dark now https://maps.app.goo.gl/BrDQhaiByhgsm9tb9?g_st=i Ventura River Group Camp (805) 968-1033

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Jun 09, 2023 10:00:28 PM Me

From the back of my car

Jun 09, 2023 10:00:28 PM Me

Nothing like ocean front

Jun 09, 2023 10:01:14 PM +13038752587

Beautiful

Jun 10, 2023 7:51:42 AM Me

Ended up having to move at 10:30. Ventura County Sheriff showed up with his bright lights in big microphone.

Jun 10, 2023 7:52:12 AM Me

I ended up at Walmart and headed back to OJAI

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Jun 10, 2023 8:42:21 AM Me

Learn something new. Pulled into a charging station and none of the chargers will plug in my car.

Jun 10, 2023 8:42:40 AM Me

Looks like I now have to order adapters and sit around till they get fucking delivered on Monday. God dammit.

Jun 10, 2023 8:43:28 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

There is not a store and dealer that has them in the area

Jun 10, 2023 8:51:42 AM Me

I have to drive all the way back into Ventura and I don’t know only because I haven’t done any searching yet. I’m at the storage place right now.

Jun 10, 2023 8:51:47 AM Me

Being homeless sucks

Jun 10, 2023 8:54:44 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

You are not homeless - you are in transition -

Jun 10, 2023 8:58:38 AM Me

That makes it sound like I’m getting gender, affirming care

Jun 10, 2023 8:59:10 AM Me

Anyway, don’t pay any attention to me. I’m just angry and frustrated today.

Jun 10, 2023 9:06:21 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Understand - be with it, process it, and let it go

Jun 10, 2023 9:07:29 AM (Read by you after 50 seconds) +13038752587

What year is your car

Jun 10, 2023 9:08:01 AM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Ventura VW may have adapters

Jun 10, 2023 9:08:25 AM Me

2019

Jun 10, 2023 9:13:13 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Here is there parts phone number

Jun 10, 2023 9:13:18 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Parts Call Parts Phone Number(805) 642-6707

Jun 10, 2023 9:15:03 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Faster to cal them with your details

Jun 10, 2023 9:17:38 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

My suggestion is check first with VW and then here is what Merlin said… Yes, it is possible to buy a charging adapter for an EGolf in Ventura. There are several online and physical stores in Ventura that sell charging adapters for electric cars, including the EGolf. You can check popular online stores like Amazon or Walmart, or visit a local auto parts store like AutoZone or O'Reilly Auto Parts to find the adapter you need. It is important to ensure that the charging adapter is compatible with your EGolf's charging specifications. You can consult your vehicle owner's manual or speak to a knowledgeable salesperson to confirm compatibility before making your purchase. Additionally, you may want to consider purchasing a charging station for your home to ensure convenient and reliable charging of your EGolf. There are many options available on the market, with various features and price points to suit your needs and budget.

Jun 10, 2023 9:18:43 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Hope this helps - I will be by my computer until about 10 am your time - then we will be on the road

Jun 10, 2023 9:32:48 AM Me

Ok

Jun 10, 2023 10:18:36 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m up at Thacher and my car is charging by Maintenance. I’ve not gone over near the house.

Jun 10, 2023 10:18:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m on my laptop in the arts building looking for adaptors

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Jun 10, 2023 10:49:19 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok, I bought now

Jun 10, 2023 10:49:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One

Jun 10, 2023 10:49:29 AM Me

Delivered tomorrow

Jun 10, 2023 10:49:38 AM (Read by them after 15 seconds) Me

Amazon.com

Jun 10, 2023 10:50:41 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

No one sells an adapter that hooks to Tesla Superchargers. Tesla doesntly allow non Teslas to hook up to them even with adapters. So this device should allow me to charge going across country

Jun 10, 2023 10:51:05 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

That’s probably my other task today-other than storage unit. Map out my trip as best as possible

Jun 10, 2023 11:27:13 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Does this match you specs for your car?

Jun 10, 2023 11:27:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes

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Jun 10, 2023 11:28:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It plugs into my car, then plugin the Tesla cable into the other side

Jun 10, 2023 12:37:40 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

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Jun 10, 2023 1:01:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Lake Casitas has camping available. Going to go over and pick a spot and get it dialed in

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Jun 10, 2023 1:37:53 PM Me

A reflection. Better for me to discover the need for this adapter now then halfway to you.

Jun 10, 2023 1:38:24 PM Me

While the car was charging this morning, I spent the time and reviewed five months worth of bank statements to identify recurring bill, payments, etc. that need to be moved over to me so I don’t have to put money in the other account anymore

Jun 10, 2023 1:39:06 PM Me

One of Lyza’s grapes is that all the bill paying is coming out of the one account as it had for 20 something years but now I have my own bank account so I need to figure out how much money to put over to cover the bills

Jun 10, 2023 1:39:25 PM Me

Looking at the time and thinking you should be almost there maybe within the hour

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Jun 10, 2023 1:47:08 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

We haven’t left yet - too many last minute things- plus we want to leave Memes house decently clean

Jun 10, 2023 1:39:51 PM Me

If it was even conceivable, maybe later today, you could FaceTime me and walk through the house and show me the lay of the land. The couple of Stelzer great but you walking through gives a sense of space and largesse.

Jun 10, 2023 1:47:08 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

We haven’t left yet - too many last minute things- plus we want to leave Memes house decently clean
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 10, 2023 1:47:41 PM Me

K

Jun 10, 2023 1:51:14 PM Me

Going to try for the most remote spot at Casitas. Apparently has great views of lake

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Jun 10, 2023 4:00:19 PM Me

Got a great camping spot for 2 nights. Depart Monday

Jun 10, 2023 4:06:23 PM Me

I got a great spot high elevation with a view of the lake. It’s a better camping spot in terms of remoteness and view. Plus plus in my book.

Jun 10, 2023 4:06:56 PM Me

If I have a fairly decent Internet connection through my phone, I may stay out there most of the day tomorrow. I’m taking the boys to dinner tonight for our see you at the end of summer dinner

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Jun 10, 2023 4:55:55 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Memes house cleaned, car stuffed, next bikes then hit the road 😀

Jun 10, 2023 5:32:12 PM Me

Wow

Jun 10, 2023 5:32:36 PM Me

Imagine your on the road

Jun 10, 2023 5:32:39 PM Me

Safe travels

Jun 10, 2023 5:32:47 PM Me

Ping me when you’re in

Jun 10, 2023 5:33:01 PM Me

I’ll ping when I’m settled at camp later

Jun 10, 2023 5:34:47 PM Me

Last picks of what’s coming and staying

Jun 10, 2023 8:40:45 PM Me

Just parked

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Jun 10, 2023 9:37:00 PM Me

Jun 10, 2023 9:37:47 PM Me

Jun 10, 2023 10:08:05 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet

Jun 10, 2023 10:09:58 PM ⇲ Me

I’ll have to show you my multipurpose set up when I arrive. I have my two person tent with me that I will set up tomorrow and leave here on the campsite while I go to town. I’ve not set it up yet so I’ll have time in the morning to tinker and get it right

Jun 10, 2023 10:08:12 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Just arrived at house

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Jun 10, 2023 10:08:33 PM Me

Cool

Jun 10, 2023 10:08:47 PM Me

Kids asleep?

Jun 10, 2023 10:09:58 PM ⇱ Me

I’ll have to show you my multipurpose set up when I arrive. I have my two person tent with me that I will set up tomorrow and leave here on the campsite while I go to town. I’ve not set it up yet so I’ll have time in the morning to tinker and get it right
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 10, 2023 10:10:40 PM Me

This way I have options. If I get in early enough, I can set up the two person but if I roll in late, it’s easy to throw this thing on the back of the car and zip myself and it’s basically like putting a sleeping bag on the back of your car

Jun 10, 2023 10:11:38 PM Me

Are Tricia and Don around this summer in Longmont? Will they come up and visit? And your mom too?

Jun 10, 2023 10:12:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes yes and yes

Jun 10, 2023 10:11:57 PM Me

I’d be happy to camp outside in the car tent for a few days if somebody wants to sleep in the room I will occupy

Jun 10, 2023 10:12:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes yes and yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 10, 2023 10:13:19 PM Me

Plus, I’m still talking to the boys about coming out to visit. Instead of traveling with me in the car, the deal I can strike is to fly them out to Colorado hang for a week there and then the three of us hop on a plane in Denver and fly to New York and go visit my parents for a week, then we all fly back to Denver. I stay in Denver but then I can walk them to the transfer back to Santa Barbara. That would happen if it were to unfold the last week of July 1 week of August.

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Jun 10, 2023 11:01:11 PM Me

By the way, this is way better than Walmart parking lot

Jun 11, 2023 10:11:29 AM +13038752587

Jun 11, 2023 10:18:45 AM +13038752587

View of Sopris from kitchen window and backyard- on the hiking list 😀

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Jun 11, 2023 10:32:50 AM Me

Please tell me that’s more than one day hike 🤣

Jun 11, 2023 10:33:14 AM Me

do you have sunshine? I’ve got overcast, Gray New York.

Jun 11, 2023 10:36:36 AM Me

What is your agenda today?

Jun 11, 2023 10:49:11 AM +13038752587

Sunny - walk around town - unpack - groceries

Jun 11, 2023 10:49:35 AM +13038752587

Jun 11, 2023 10:49:39 AM +13038752587

Does this place look familiar

Jun 11, 2023 10:50:00 AM +13038752587

It’s a one day hike - 6-8hrs

Jun 11, 2023 10:52:34 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Sopris

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Jun 11, 2023 11:43:57 AM Me

Did you notice that I was right there From behind that looks like me except he’s in touch more bald than me

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Jun 11, 2023 11:44:39 AM Me

What is that place? And why do you ask if it looks familiar it doesn’t in the photo.

Jun 11, 2023 11:46:25 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

It’s where we had breakfast before heading to the hotel where the rehearsal was

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Jun 11, 2023 11:52:12 AM Me

Got it

Jun 11, 2023 11:53:08 AM +13038752587

Better description of Mt Sopris

Jun 11, 2023 11:53:13 AM +13038752587

AllTrails.com

Jun 11, 2023 3:50:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Question. It looks like whomever lives there has a pet who lives there, yes?

Jun 11, 2023 3:51:11 PM +13038752587

They do

Jun 11, 2023 3:51:18 PM Me

I ask because of Weston. I would like to bring him, but can leave him here.

Jun 11, 2023 3:51:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Declan can care for him

Jun 11, 2023 3:51:32 PM Me

Already talked about it

Jun 11, 2023 3:52:54 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I would live for you to bring him, however, I don’t think the folks would agree to that

Jun 11, 2023 3:53:10 PM Me

Completely understand

Jun 11, 2023 3:53:12 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

There dog is being watched by a neighbor

Jun 11, 2023 3:53:14 PM Me

No worries

Jun 11, 2023 3:53:18 PM Me

Cool

Jun 11, 2023 3:54:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Tool I’m using says its 14 hours, 5 mins of driving to the exact address in Carbondale

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Jun 11, 2023 4:47:19 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 18 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

You plane to hit the road on Monday

Jun 11, 2023 4:47:21 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 18 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

?

Jun 11, 2023 4:48:27 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 17 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

2days to St George 2 Days in Zion then where

Jun 11, 2023 5:42:31 PM Me

Filler up

Jun 11, 2023 5:45:16 PM +13038752587

What’s it cost ?

Jun 11, 2023 6:27:57 PM Me

Jun 11, 2023 6:28:20 PM Me

$2.88 for 20% of battery in 20 mins

Jun 11, 2023 6:28:32 PM Me

Have 145miles on it now

Jun 11, 2023 6:28:43 PM Me

Never had that much to 74

Jun 11, 2023 6:28:48 PM Me

Much before

Jun 11, 2023 6:28:57 PM Me

Only ever got to 125

Jun 11, 2023 6:29:16 PM Me

Supercharger can push more in there

Jun 11, 2023 6:30:24 PM Me

Going down freeway I can charge my portable battery 🪫

Jun 11, 2023 6:30:55 PM Me

Battery is underneath the solar panel in the hatchback and the cables run from the panel down to the battery

Jun 11, 2023 6:31:33 PM Me

My big idea is to get a rack on top of the car and put two or three of the solar panels on the bottom of it and wire them to the inside of the car and have my own portable batteries that just charge while I’m driving

Jun 11, 2023 6:32:02 PM Me

And then I have a bike/storage rack

Jun 11, 2023 6:32:11 PM Me

On top 😊

Jun 11, 2023 8:37:43 PM Me

https://open.spotify.com/track/6JFgBE2seXKTUkHdOVq3N1?si=8wEJ34mPSiCwa94lVKdImg&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A6743nwQowHjVGR8Ftwt4Dv

Jun 11, 2023 11:40:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok.

Jun 11, 2023 11:41:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here is my plan to you

Jun 11, 2023 11:41:09 PM Me

987 W Ojai Ave to 698-600 Sopris Ave

Jun 12, 2023 11:31:26 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Zion, Arches. Any other NPs on the list

Jun 12, 2023 11:34:55 AM Me

Not yet

Jun 12, 2023 11:35:16 AM Me

Want to see how it goes traveling electric over distance

Jun 12, 2023 11:35:36 AM Me

Never ventured beyond 50 miles away from the house

Jun 12, 2023 11:35:46 AM Me

Today is day 0

Jun 12, 2023 11:37:16 AM Me

Jun 12, 2023 11:37:46 AM Me

Meditation lakeside in OJAI Now, say goodbye and see you soon to the valley

Jun 12, 2023 11:38:21 AM Me

A couple of pitstops in Ojai to pick up things from storage drive by say goodbye to the boys and Westy, and then I’m out

Jun 12, 2023 11:39:27 AM Me

I’ll see how much energy I have inside me today to keep pushing on the driving and where the batteries take me today. As of right now I am unsure where tonight will be spent, all know that later this afternoon based on how far I’ve gotten.

Jun 12, 2023 11:43:38 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

A relaxed pace is a good pace

Jun 12, 2023 11:43:46 AM Me

Agreed

Jun 12, 2023 11:44:06 AM Me

I will learn all I need to know about traveling with this car long distances from this road trip alone

Jun 12, 2023 11:44:21 AM Me

I’ve already learned a ton just in a week camping in it

Jun 12, 2023 11:45:00 AM Me

I’ve gotten way better at using the cars features to conserve battery power since I don’t have a very large battery capacity

Jun 12, 2023 2:29:55 PM Me

Stuck in OJAI

Jun 12, 2023 2:31:04 PM Me

My Tesla converter plug hasn’t arrived here. Delivered. It was delivered to Ohio yesterday, but didn’t make it to campus. It should’ve been in the morning mail run, but it wasn’t, the guy who runs the package area at Thacher is going to run to the post office right now and see if it’s there and bring it up for me. Otherwise, I’m gonna take off without it and hope for the best.

Jun 12, 2023 2:31:50 PM Me

So I’m sitting on campus with my thumb up my ass for the next hour. At least, this really sucks I’ve gotten nothing done no jobhunting no work no nothing. Just breathing sweating, shitting, eating, and losing money.

Jun 12, 2023 3:05:41 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Well you got an hour - stop 🛑 nothing and do something

Jun 12, 2023 3:07:16 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Word patrol / “losing” money? Or “using” money?

Jun 12, 2023 3:08:23 PM Me

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My car 😜

Jun 12, 2023 3:09:12 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

I see you in the “W”

Jun 12, 2023 3:12:23 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Reminder a relaxed pace mindset. You will be on your way soon enough.

Jun 12, 2023 3:20:34 PM Me

OK, so my adapter is not here, making an executive decision, and going to leave right now. There are multiple Walmart supercenters I’m stopping at before I get deep into desert, I will try to buy an adapter at one of those places, I know they carry them.

Jun 12, 2023 3:21:39 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Did you check with Amazon

Jun 12, 2023 3:21:41 PM Me

I’m pretty sure I have 0 T connections on my path, they are in the same location as the CCS plug I will use, no matter I should be a OK

Jun 12, 2023 3:22:06 PM Me

They attempted delivery yesterday. I ordered Saturday for one day delivery. Today is day two and it is nowhere to be found and I’m not gonna sit around another day waiting for it.

Jun 12, 2023 3:22:38 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Attempted on a Sunday

Jun 12, 2023 3:23:09 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Tracking says it was delivered?

Jun 12, 2023 3:23:19 PM Me

No

Jun 12, 2023 3:23:33 PM Me

“Out for delivery”‘yesterday

Jun 12, 2023 3:24:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Was it from USPS or UPS or Amazon

Jun 12, 2023 3:24:41 PM Me

No updates today, and the guy who works the package room. Here is retired post office. He told me it’s likely the package went back into the system and will get routed to Ohio’s post office later today and it will show up here tomorrow. He took the address in Carbondale at Sopras Avenue and he’s going to send it to me, So big picture I’m gonna drive and don’t think I need it, the adapter, but I’ll look for one at the Walmart supercenters and then if I buy one, I’ll just return the Amazon one

Jun 12, 2023 3:25:01 PM Me

All the electric stations. I’m stopping at have Tesla, but I won’t require Tesla. I just have the adapter for peace of mind more than anything.

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Jun 12, 2023 3:25:51 PM Me

I connect into what’s called CCS, four points in a circle on top with two big circles on the bottom. It’s direct current and charges the car really fucking fast faster than anything I’ve ever hooked up to it. That’s when it was doing one percent a minute yesterday on my test in town. OK

Jun 12, 2023 3:26:18 PM Me

OK in a fucking around 225 I’m gonna hit it right now and will give you an update as things unfold. Ping me if you have questions

Jun 12, 2023 3:29:15 PM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 Drive safely Enjoy the road trip

Jun 12, 2023 3:29:55 PM Me

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Jun 12, 2023 3:30:32 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

See you in a week or so. You are going to love Arches and Moab. Send pics along the way

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Jun 12, 2023 5:08:56 PM Me

First recharge. Santa Clarita 30mins and full - 44% used to get here

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Jun 12, 2023 5:41:56 PM +13038752587

Sarah like your Hunter S Thompson shades. Are you channeling him as you prepare for Vegas and the Roaring Fork Valley

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Jun 12, 2023 9:45:23 PM Me

See my real-time location on Google Maps!

Jun 12, 2023 9:46:11 PM Me

Jun 12, 2023 9:47:13 PM Me

In Baker CA Going to stop when I get to Mesquite Nevada which is just south of Vegas. There is a Walmart supercenter with a charging station so I’ll arrive there. I’ll charge my car and then I’m gonna crash in the car for I don’t know until I wake up and then go into supercenter and get some food and then hit the road again I think I’m just gonna keep on trucking until I get to Arches I believe. Tomorrow morning I think I can make it basically from Las Vegas to arches so Vegas to St. George and then the whole from Saint George through. No Mans Land

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Jun 12, 2023 9:52:16 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

I thought you were going to stop at Zion and or Bryce for a few days before heading to Arches

Jun 12, 2023 10:09:07 PM Me

I’ve already been camping for 12 days, how much more fucking camping I got in me

Jun 12, 2023 10:09:15 PM Me

I don’t know

Jun 12, 2023 10:09:24 PM Me

And my back fucking hurts beautifully

Jun 12, 2023 10:09:48 PM Me

My hope is there a quality, masseuse, and chiropractor in Carbondale? I wonder if Dawn knows anyone practicing up there or maybe in Aspen?

Jun 12, 2023 10:09:52 PM Me

Don

Jun 12, 2023 10:09:57 PM Me

Not dawn

Jun 12, 2023 10:10:06 PM Me

I must be letting my New York accent slipped a bit

Jun 12, 2023 10:11:13 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Get a cheap hotel for the night instead of sleeping in your car.

Jun 12, 2023 10:17:01 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 46 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep. Drive carefully. Text me when you stop tonight.

Jun 13, 2023 3:04:16 AM Me

Jun 13, 2023 3:04:41 AM Me

I’ve been here at Walmart supercenter in Mesquite Nevada for about 20 minutes, the car is charging. I am about to go to sleep. I’ll be in Utah before lunch tomorrow.

Jun 13, 2023 3:04:49 AM Me

I’m gonna look at my Zion options in the morning

Jun 13, 2023 4:33:35 AM Me

One of my charging stops tonight reminded me of pizza port from toy story

Jun 13, 2023 8:55:09 AM +13038752587

Cool. Let’s jump on a quick call when you wake up.

Jun 13, 2023 10:06:33 AM Me

Jun 13, 2023 10:06:48 AM Me

Going into Walmart to get some food for today and sunscreen for the car

Jun 13, 2023 10:07:04 AM Me

There’s a really cool campground I found outside of Zion, I’ll send you the details in a little bit

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Jun 13, 2023 11:07:35 AM Me

Zion Wright Ranch

Jun 13, 2023 11:07:35 AM Me

$35 a night, views of everything

Jun 13, 2023 11:08:27 AM Me

Take a look and let me know what you think. I’m out of Walmart, and going to drive into St. George and maybe go get some lunch and then figure out about reservation at this place and then logistics getting in and out with my car and the battery. I’ve looked at my PlugShare app and there are stations. They’re just super slow, drip recharge, not the super fast chargers that I’ve been running into.

Jun 13, 2023 11:09:47 AM +13038752587

Just called you went right to voicemail

Jun 13, 2023 11:09:55 AM Me

Oh

Jun 13, 2023 11:10:53 AM Me

I have one bar

Jun 13, 2023 11:11:20 AM +13038752587

Ahh - are you still at Walmart

Jun 13, 2023 11:11:35 AM ⇲ Me

Yeah

Jun 13, 2023 11:12:12 AM ⇲ Me

Going to go use the restroom before I hit the road. Going to take an alternate route that the map is suggesting that is more eco-friendly for electric cars. It’s going to take me a different way through Arizona and Utah to get to St. George. it should be fun. I have not gone this way before.

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Jun 13, 2023 11:11:28 AM Me

Got to get back out on the freeway so I should have a good connection. Clear line of sight in about 10 minutes

Jun 13, 2023 11:11:35 AM ⇱ Me

Yeah
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 13, 2023 11:11:53 AM +13038752587

Ok - I’ll call you in 15mins

Jun 13, 2023 11:12:12 AM ⇱ Me

Going to go use the restroom before I hit the road. Going to take an alternate route that the map is suggesting that is more eco-friendly for electric cars. It’s going to take me a different way through Arizona and Utah to get to St. George. it should be fun. I have not gone this way before.

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Jun 13, 2023 11:13:59 AM Me

Jun 13, 2023 11:14:17 AM Me

I crushed my clip bones by sitting on them, so I bought this new pair of sunglasses that go right over my regular glasses and you can’t even tell

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Jun 13, 2023 11:17:07 AM Me

The construction through Las Vagas last night at midnight stopped me still for 15 mins last night. I’m glad I drove thru that last night Can’t imagine what it’s like during the day with full traffic

Jun 13, 2023 11:33:55 AM Me

Hitting the road I’ll text you when I’m in St. George

Jun 13, 2023 11:54:33 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Call me when you get there

Jun 13, 2023 12:20:59 PM Me

In St George juicing up

Jun 13, 2023 12:29:06 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

I may have a lunch recommendation for you

Jun 13, 2023 12:29:15 PM Me

Cool

Jun 13, 2023 12:29:23 PM Me

25mins left

Jun 13, 2023 12:29:30 PM Me

Can I call?

Jun 13, 2023 12:29:37 PM +13038752587

Talking with someone from there

Jun 13, 2023 12:29:59 PM Me

I’m at exit 4

Jun 13, 2023 12:30:09 PM +13038752587

Not right now - had to run out

Jun 13, 2023 12:30:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

We’re you looking in hipcamp for sites?

Jun 13, 2023 12:31:30 PM Me

I did

Jun 13, 2023 12:31:32 PM Me

Why

Jun 13, 2023 12:31:41 PM Me

That’s how I found that huge place

Jun 13, 2023 12:31:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Simple Mexican quick services - Angelica’s Mexican Grill

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Jun 13, 2023 12:43:41 PM ⇲ Me

6 miles away!!

Jun 13, 2023 12:43:48 PM ⇲ Me

10 min drive

Jun 13, 2023 12:43:56 PM ⇲ Me

Psyched

Jun 13, 2023 12:32:05 PM +13038752587

Good and cheap

Jun 13, 2023 12:32:15 PM Me

Excellente!

Jun 13, 2023 12:32:37 PM Me

Carnitas tacos FTW

Jun 13, 2023 12:33:09 PM Me

That family campground I was looking at has something like 45 to 60 camping spots. And had like 30 empty so I imagine I could roll up to the front door and get a spot and not even have to make a reservation. Thoughts

Jun 13, 2023 12:33:24 PM Me

And when I get there, I’m likely to ask them for a remote say I don’t mind not being near people

Jun 13, 2023 12:34:13 PM +13038752587

The one you sent doesn’t have facilities I 🤔

Jun 13, 2023 12:34:22 PM Me

Lake Casitas, one of the employees at the gate, asked me why I liked my particular camp spot? He said because is it that you’re not near anyone? I had not thought about it, but then it dawned on me. Yes, that is exactly why I’m there, that’s the whole damn reason I go into the wilderness is to get the fuck away from everything

Jun 13, 2023 12:34:49 PM Me

OK I can do a better search now. I found that hit campsite at two in the morning delirious from 10 hours of staring at the road.

Jun 13, 2023 12:36:08 PM Me

hot shower would be sweet

Jun 13, 2023 12:36:23 PM Me

Almost worth getting cheap hotel room

Jun 13, 2023 12:36:29 PM Me

Motel 6

Jun 13, 2023 12:36:58 PM Me

Like I said I’ve been camping nearly 2 weeks. Sleeping in car or tent

Jun 13, 2023 12:37:13 PM Me

I’ve had a few in particular uncomfortable nights

Jun 13, 2023 12:43:41 PM ⇱ Me

6 miles away!!
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 13, 2023 12:43:48 PM ⇱ Me

10 min drive
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 13, 2023 12:43:56 PM ⇱ Me

Psyched
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Jun 13, 2023 12:44:34 PM Me

That’s when I’ll bust out laptop and do a good search for camping ⛺️

Jun 13, 2023 12:52:07 PM +13038752587

We can talk over lunch 🥙 ca

Jun 13, 2023 12:53:49 PM Me

K

Jun 13, 2023 12:54:34 PM Me

Car is done charging I’m going to head there now, I just found Motel six in St. George for 50 bucks a night with free Wi-Fi etc. I might do that, I got like four hours sleep last night

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Jun 13, 2023 12:55:12 PM Me

Will be nice to sleep in a bad, hot shower I could spend the rest of the day researching

Jun 13, 2023 12:55:27 PM +13038752587

Book it for two nights

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Jun 13, 2023 12:55:31 PM Me

Take a nap, and they have a pool

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Jun 13, 2023 12:55:45 PM Me

Why 2

Jun 13, 2023 12:55:56 PM +13038752587

Relax today, hike and explore tomorrow

Jun 13, 2023 12:55:58 PM Me

Are you wanting to keep me away? 🤣🤣🤣

Jun 13, 2023 12:56:19 PM Me

Actually, that’s not a bad idea, I could do the hiking without the hassle of camping

Jun 13, 2023 12:56:36 PM Me

Just day hike from the hotel, and then Wednesday I could push to Arches

Jun 13, 2023 12:56:51 PM Me

Maybe do the same thing in arches, unless there’s incredible camping

Jun 13, 2023 12:56:59 PM Me

I just know that a mattress will feel nice

Jun 13, 2023 12:57:27 PM Me

Jun 13, 2023 12:57:53 PM Me

While I’m charging my car, I’m also charging my portable battery with my panel on top of the car. The whole battery set up is pretty sweet. It would be nice if the solar panels rolled up or folded it’s just a flexible panel, but it works for my purposes.

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Jun 13, 2023 1:03:01 PM +13038752587

Is your phone on - just called again - straight to voicemail

Jun 13, 2023 1:03:19 PM Me

One min

Jun 13, 2023 1:03:32 PM Me

I’ll call you

Jun 13, 2023 1:03:48 PM Me

At the restaurant I’m driving over there right now

Jun 13, 2023 1:04:59 PM +13038752587

Ok - get you order in then call me 🤙

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Jun 13, 2023 1:24:36 PM Me

Jun 13, 2023 1:28:30 PM Me

Line is EPIC

Jun 13, 2023 3:25:47 PM Me

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Stoked

Jun 13, 2023 7:21:06 PM Me

Snow canyon scenic overlook and Gila Trail!

Jun 13, 2023 7:23:28 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful!

Jun 13, 2023 7:48:54 PM Me

No THIS is beautiful in Utah, this rivals the mountains for me

Jun 13, 2023 7:49:00 PM Me

In the drive-through right now. Yummy yummy.

Jun 13, 2023 7:49:25 PM Me

They don’t have In-N-Out in Colorado do they? I think they have it in Texas Dallas perhaps or Austin I think that’s it though.

Jun 13, 2023 8:02:15 PM +13038752587

Jun 13, 2023 8:02:25 PM +13038752587

Looking south

Jun 13, 2023 8:03:13 PM +13038752587

They do have them in Denver

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Jun 14, 2023 9:28:48 AM Me

Just woke up

Jun 14, 2023 9:29:12 AM Me

Slept in since it’s the first real bed. I’ve slept on it almost 2 weeks.

Jun 14, 2023 10:12:02 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 19 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Nice 👍

Jun 14, 2023 11:33:24 AM Me

Juicing up in Washington at Walmart before I head in towards Zion. Going to go get my national park pass and explore at a high-level. Not gonna go Agro on the trails. More exploratory so that on the way back I can go exactly where I want and not a hike some thing and Later Discover oh shit I should’ve like this.

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Jun 14, 2023 2:32:58 PM Me

Jun 14, 2023 2:36:35 PM Me

Going to hit this

Jun 14, 2023 2:36:36 PM Me

I’m in fucking heaven

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Jun 14, 2023 2:36:37 PM Me

I’m going to cry 😭

Jun 14, 2023 8:42:24 PM Me

Jun 14, 2023 8:42:32 PM Me

My reward for today. Was epic. No expectations and 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

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Jun 14, 2023 9:53:14 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you an email for Moab camping 🏕️

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Jun 14, 2023 9:55:16 PM Me

Sweet

Jun 14, 2023 10:01:36 PM Me

I’m showering and going to bed, getting up to do the Angels Peak view hike tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Then after that hike, likely get a bite to eat and then hit the road to Moab.

Jun 14, 2023 10:01:36 PM Me

Plan to stay in Moab for a few days obviously 😜

Jun 14, 2023 10:05:36 PM Me

Today is in the Best day ever 🙌 category. I’ll share this vid, but I have a few photos that blow my mind 🤯 You would’ve absolutely loved it today

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Jun 15, 2023 11:07:12 AM Me

In Washington Utah waiting for charger

Jun 15, 2023 11:21:13 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Hike above town

Jun 15, 2023 11:21:13 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Did you do Angels hike

Jun 15, 2023 12:06:54 PM Me

No. About to get on the road. Slept in

Jun 15, 2023 12:09:22 PM Me

Also, I am somehow down to my last $30. In my bank acct. anyway to pay me for that recent work?

Jun 15, 2023 12:33:07 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - can you write checks for camping 🏕️

Jun 15, 2023 12:35:56 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Meaning do you have checks with you

Jun 15, 2023 12:33:28 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Did I venmo you last time

Jun 15, 2023 12:35:56 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Meaning do you have checks with you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2023 12:36:35 PM +13038752587

I get you funds today.

Jun 15, 2023 12:37:00 PM Me

I don’t think I have paper checks with me.

Jun 15, 2023 12:37:20 PM +13038752587

When you get to Moab - head straight to find a campsite

Jun 15, 2023 12:37:20 PM Me

I just have cards, but I do have a Venmo card. I got one in case I wanted to spend money out of my Venmo account.

Jun 15, 2023 12:38:25 PM +13038752587

They are first come first get

Jun 15, 2023 12:39:08 PM +13038752587

What is your eta in Moab

Jun 15, 2023 12:41:32 PM Me

I’m not sure right now. I’m on the road to Cedar city. Will top off my battery there go to beaver recharge again and then I head east towards Moab. I’m just not sure because I’m going to electric and I don’t know if I’ll have to wait for someone else to finish charging before I can charge so my wait time could be up to two hours at the charging stations just don’t know.

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Jun 15, 2023 12:44:05 PM +13038752587

Cool 😎

Jun 15, 2023 12:44:13 PM +13038752587

Enjoy the drive

Jun 15, 2023 1:06:53 PM Me

Electrify America must have some kind of contract with Walmart because these chargers are at every Walmart I’ve been to, or I should say every time I show up in the charger there’s a Walmart attached 🤣🤣🤣 That’s why I’ve been spending all my money! I wander around Walmart for 45 minutes and end up spending 75 bucks on stuff

Jun 15, 2023 2:19:14 PM Me

Leaving Cedar city. On my way to Beaver. I’ll text you when I get there.

Jun 15, 2023 2:49:10 PM (Read by you after 47 seconds) +13038752587

Isn’t beaver 50miles away - are you able to do longer legs between charges.

Jun 15, 2023 2:51:48 PM Me

I’m gonna see where my battery is at when I get to Beaver. My last charge said my battery was fully charged but only showed 95 miles available. This car has 150 mile range so I am unsure why the battery is not taking more power. Maybe because I’m recharging it so frequently, it’s hot, from charging up and just charging so much, I have no idea since this is the first time I’ve done this. My hunch is that I may not make it to Moab today unless I’m willing to drive into the night so I may spend the night somewhere before Moab just not sure.

Jun 15, 2023 2:52:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Look up Richfield it’s 115 m away and has charging stations

Jun 15, 2023 2:55:35 PM Me

I’m gonna see where my battery is at when I get to Beaver. My last charge said my battery was fully charged but only showed 95 miles available. This car has 150 mile range so I am unsure why the battery is not taking more power. Maybe because I’m recharging it so frequently, it’s hot, from charging up and just charging so much, I have no idea since this is the first time I’ve done this. My hunch is that I may not make it to Moab today unless I’m willing to drive into the night so I may spend the night somewhere before Moab just not sure.

Jun 15, 2023 3:21:47 PM Me

I am on street level in beaver Utah. On my way to top up. My battery is at 58 miles remaining so gonna check out the charger if it’s a fast one I’m gonna do it and well I’m gonna charge him with it what. And check the map and see how much further I can push today

Jun 15, 2023 3:22:06 PM Me

I don’t have to get to Moab today. I’m not having my heart set on it.

Jun 15, 2023 3:24:26 PM +13038752587

Research as there is not much between Salina and Green River

Jun 15, 2023 3:25:12 PM Me

I was thinking Salina

Jun 15, 2023 3:25:26 PM Me

Just pulled into spot to juice

Jun 15, 2023 3:25:34 PM Me

4 spots no one here

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Jun 15, 2023 3:25:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Green river is showing it has charges if you need to full up before heading to Moab

Jun 15, 2023 3:26:03 PM Me

PlugShare is the app I use it’s great!!

Jun 15, 2023 3:29:28 PM Me

The juxtaposition of my one electric car across from a Flying J Mega gas station

Jun 15, 2023 3:30:18 PM Me

This will be historically significant archaeological photo 75 to 100 years from now

Jun 15, 2023 3:30:46 PM Me

My grandchildren and great grandchildren Kingspoint, back to their great grandfather and his dinosaur electric car 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Jun 15, 2023 3:34:47 PM +13038752587

Venmo sent $150

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Jun 15, 2023 3:44:43 PM Me

I just added my Venmo card to my Electrify America account. Which is what I’m on right now in Beaver and all the Walmarts.

Jun 15, 2023 3:46:13 PM Me

this is my second day of real travel in the car. The first day was the push passed Vegas set still in Saint George and now pushing today. I think Salinas will be the stop. I still have some time to check out what’s available there

Jun 15, 2023 4:02:10 PM Me

I just called these guys and left a message. It sounded like an older woman and left my number and was what I’m looking for. They’re an hour away from me here right in Salina just north of the exit and the charging station. It would be perfect spot for tonight.

Jun 15, 2023 4:02:12 PM Me

Butch Cassidy Campground · 3.8 ★ (54) · RV park

Jun 15, 2023 4:03:04 PM Me

Interestingly, when I went to their website, it came up with a Plesk control panel default page. Their website is disconnected somehow. I’m going to mention that when I check in and tell him I know how to fix that and see what they say. Maybe I’ll pick up a client. 🤣🤣

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Jun 15, 2023 4:24:26 PM Me

This charger is filling up my battery better. I’m up to 113 miles, which is more than enough to get me to Selena. It might get me to Green River coffee where the next charging station is at least fast one before heading south into Moab.

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Jun 15, 2023 4:34:06 PM Me

K, done charging

Jun 15, 2023 4:34:16 PM Me

Leaving the Beaver 🦫

Jun 15, 2023 4:34:25 PM Me

Jun 15, 2023 4:34:32 PM Me

Off to Salina

Jun 15, 2023 5:07:30 PM Me

I just transitioned onto the 70. Straight shot from here.

Jun 15, 2023 5:44:47 PM Me

Just pulled into Loves Salina Utah !

Jun 15, 2023 5:45:01 PM Me

Making headway. It’s 🌧️

Jun 15, 2023 5:45:24 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

We have a few thunderstorms roll through this afternoon

Jun 15, 2023 5:50:44 PM Me

Here’s my screen capture from Electrify America’s app, showing my car at top. Currently charging the map, showing my location with a list of the next electrify America locations, but there are 27 electric charging networks including ones in Canada that are listed in PlugShare so it’s not the only game in town it just so happens there on my corridor of travel.

Jun 15, 2023 6:00:12 PM Me

https://twitter.com/rowancheung/status/1669402190757367809?s=42&t=73pMjYgsCw4By0MuUzWRCg

Jun 15, 2023 6:02:30 PM Me

https://twitter.com/sethjkramer/status/1669193001187278848?s=42&t=73pMjYgsCw4By0MuUzWRCg

Jun 15, 2023 6:35:43 PM Me

I’m at 77% May unplug and go get a spot nearby 🤞

Jun 15, 2023 6:36:03 PM Me

At campground Come back in the morning, top off and take off

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Jun 15, 2023 7:52:54 PM Me

Jun 15, 2023 7:52:54 PM Me

Perfect!

Jun 15, 2023 7:52:55 PM Me

$14 all to myself 😜

Jun 15, 2023 8:00:24 PM +13038752587

Sweet

Jun 15, 2023 8:39:51 PM ⇲ Me

I know

Jun 15, 2023 8:39:33 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: httpswww.recreation.govaccountorders0572081335reservations7edf1108-15c8-4449-9961-a494a39c18e5ticketsviewReservation.jpeg

Just made my reservation for arches tomorrow at 3 o’clock figure I get in get a campground spot, pitch my tent and then go over

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Jun 15, 2023 8:39:51 PM ⇱ Me

I know
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2023 9:11:39 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_2208.heic

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_2208.heic

Jun 15, 2023 9:11:40 PM Me

From today

Jun 15, 2023 9:14:04 PM Me

I’ll have a nice little photo collage from this trip I’ll have to pull may be the best the best picture from each day

Jun 16, 2023 8:46:53 AM Me

I’m at loves charging up. It said I had 80% battery this morning, last night it said I was full. There’s something with battery discharge and turning around immediately and asking did you set up. I’m witnessing it and experiencing it firsthand I’ve just done no research into it so I don’t know if it’s a real thing.

Jun 16, 2023 8:47:16 AM Me

That being said, this is good news I should have plenty of juice to get me to green river coffee, which is the next super charge station and sort of the midpoint to my destination

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Jun 16, 2023 8:54:16 AM Me

How are things in Carbondale?

Jun 16, 2023 8:54:27 AM Me

Settling in?

Jun 16, 2023 9:16:47 AM Me

Maps say green river is 109 miles. My car says it has 116 miles I’m going to put it in eco-mode and cross my fingers and make it to Green River. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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Jun 16, 2023 10:23:12 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

A bit crazy as the girls are excited for the grand parents arriving today

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Jun 16, 2023 11:20:57 AM Me

Unable to locate attachment: FullSizeRender.heic

I’m a bit crazy because I just made it through the longest stretch with no charging through the greatest elevation game so far. After my first incline I was 12 miles in the whole of making it here I ended up +49 miles due to my evolving skills in battery management over a long distance. I’m just stoked. I made it and I’m charging.

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Jun 16, 2023 11:40:42 AM +13038752587

Next stop Moab 🏕️

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Jun 16, 2023 11:50:08 AM Me

Have about 20mins left to charge

Jun 16, 2023 11:50:32 AM Me

I have 2 campgrounds that are first come first served.

Jun 16, 2023 11:50:50 AM Me

https://maps.app.goo.gl/R6TJ9F5XgWJCTNhG7?g_st=i

Jun 16, 2023 11:51:01 AM Me

https://maps.app.goo.gl/hMHnb2DvAC2s4x3NA?g_st=i

Jun 16, 2023 11:59:54 AM +13038752587

No no - all are first come first serve

Jun 16, 2023 12:00:02 PM +13038752587

Did you see my email

Jun 16, 2023 12:00:55 PM +13038752587

Check out the sites in 128

Jun 16, 2023 12:03:21 PM +13038752587

You will be coming down 191 toward Moab. You will go left on 128 immediately after you go over the Colorado River.

Jun 16, 2023 12:04:19 PM +13038752587

The sites on 128 are considered by many to be the best in Moab

Jun 16, 2023 12:08:04 PM +13038752587

Here’s a screenshot of sites on 128

Jun 16, 2023 12:08:26 PM +13038752587

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_3584.jpeg

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_3584.jpeg

Jun 16, 2023 12:09:14 PM +13038752587

If these are full then head to Kings Bottom

Jun 16, 2023 12:09:47 PM +13038752587

Here’s is the link to blm camping

Jun 16, 2023 12:09:51 PM +13038752587

https://www.discovermoab.com/blm-campgrounds/

Jun 16, 2023 12:11:54 PM +13038752587

FYI - I don’t recommend going beyond Upper Big Bend as the next campground is too far from Moab and Arches etc.

Jun 16, 2023 12:12:31 PM +13038752587

You are early enough - you should be able to get a spot at Goose Island

Jun 16, 2023 12:19:56 PM Me

Just leaving green river right now

Jun 16, 2023 1:06:01 PM Me

I'm about 4 miles out from goose Island according to the map, I'll let you know if I get a spot

Jun 16, 2023 2:42:43 PM Me

About to enter Arches

Jun 16, 2023 3:21:35 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 20 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Send some pictures

Jun 16, 2023 3:26:39 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 56 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Send some pictures

Jun 16, 2023 8:43:04 PM Me

I scored the last open spot. Ask the people next to me if it was empty. They said the people there rolled out about an hour and a half ago. Told him I just came from Green River nonstop and he said it’s your lucky day I scored the last open spot. Ask the people next to me if it was empty. They said the people there rolled out about an hour and a half ago. Told him I just came from Green River nonstop and he said “it’s your lucky day..”

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Jun 16, 2023 8:44:15 PM Me

I don’t really have good connection at my campground for cell service. So I’ll text you again tomorrow morning when I come into town to browse around.

Jun 16, 2023 8:47:25 PM Me

Headed back to camp from supermarket and going to crash. If I can. I'm hoping I have a signal there so I can watch some vid's. Otherwise it will be a quick night.

Jun 16, 2023 8:53:33 PM Me

Made it to camp ⛺️ Stoked

Jun 16, 2023 8:54:17 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to the river -‘d gaze at the stars. Let tech sleep for a night

Jun 16, 2023 8:54:40 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

What campground?

Jun 16, 2023 8:59:19 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to the river -‘d gaze at the stars. Let tech sleep for a night

Jun 16, 2023 8:59:42 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

What campground?

Jun 16, 2023 9:21:54 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Liked “Goose island ”

Jun 16, 2023 9:22:35 PM +13038752587

Cool - what's your plans for tomorrow?

Jun 16, 2023 9:23:02 PM Me

Goose island

Jun 17, 2023 12:05:07 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_2448.heic

Juicing in Moab on one level up from binary. This is machine language level charging 🤙

Jun 17, 2023 12:07:30 PM +13038752587

What’s in the agenda

Jun 17, 2023 12:07:45 PM Me

I’m filling to 💯 % and then going into downtown Moab to window shop. I did a VERY fast 6+ miles in the Devils Garden 🪴 yesterday. 2 of my top five hikes of all time of happened in three days. So I’m on a wicked hiking high 😜

Jun 17, 2023 12:07:47 PM +13038752587

Canyonlands -

Jun 17, 2023 12:08:11 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_2448.heic

Jun 17, 2023 12:08:13 PM +13038752587

Island in the sky - drive to overlook

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Jun 17, 2023 12:08:27 PM Me

How many miles?

Jun 17, 2023 12:08:46 PM +13038752587

It’s in canyon lands - from goose - 12miles

Jun 17, 2023 12:08:48 PM Me

I was just going to troll in downtown Moab, and then go chill in camp, the rest of the day and do some art and relax.

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Jun 17, 2023 12:09:15 PM Me

After I fill up my battery, I’m reluctant to burn miles so I can get out of here and get to Grand Junction without having to sit here and charge for three more hours tomorrow

Jun 17, 2023 12:10:58 PM Me

I have yet to even look at what local hikes are around the area just from downtown. I have my shit with me so I don’t have to go back to camp. I think I’ll go to the Moab brewery get lunch and look at what my 2 to 3 mile hiking options are around the downtown area If you know if some thing send me a link. I’ve got a little less than a half an hour left and then I’m topped on my battery. Which means I am stoked. I’m paying about 40% more per kilowatt charging here on a slow charger than I would if I was at Walmart charging on a super charger. About $.75 a kilowatt here Walmart I get it at 36.

Jun 17, 2023 12:11:17 PM Me

All that being said, it’s still a hell of a lot cheaper than gas

Jun 17, 2023 12:11:49 PM Me

I’m gonna total up all my receipts when I get to Carbondale next week and take a look at how much I spent on “fuel“

Jun 17, 2023 12:12:11 PM Me

I tried plugging my car into my portable battery that sucks in from the solar panel and my battery is in powerful enough

Jun 17, 2023 12:12:35 PM +13038752587

Pop into the visitor center and ask them about local hikes

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Jun 17, 2023 12:13:01 PM ⇲ Me

🤦‍♂️

Jun 17, 2023 12:12:44 PM Me

If I knew more about electricity, I would know what kind of portable battery would be able to fire up my car. It’s a good summer project for me.

Jun 17, 2023 12:13:01 PM ⇱ Me

🤦‍♂️
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 17, 2023 12:13:14 PM +13038752587

It’s in Main Street

Jun 17, 2023 12:13:20 PM Me

Like I said, I’m still on this hiking. Hi in the scenery where I am charging is beautiful.

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Jun 17, 2023 12:14:03 PM Me

Excellent I will find it. Not a problem. I have so many pictures. It’s ridiculous far too many to try to text on this 2 bar situation. I find myself in

Jun 17, 2023 12:14:26 PM Me

I’ll whip up little slide shows and send links out to people when I can get solid Wi-Fi tomorrow

Jun 17, 2023 12:16:22 PM Me

Speaking of tomorrow two quick things. If I planned to arrive at five or 6 PM, would that work? What is your plan if anything for my arrival tomorrow? My hope is you have nothing planned and that I can casually roll in and we can all dance and sing and be happy and then chill. I will confess I’ve been living on hard, boiled eggs and prosciutto, wrapped around mozzarella and it’s been fantastic. However, I would definitely be in the mood for some thing other than eggs prosciutto or mozzarella Sunday night.

Jun 17, 2023 12:16:33 PM Me

🤣

Jun 17, 2023 12:20:12 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Barry tools out about 12:30 Probably head out to either Aspen or Marble I’ll double check with Sarah and make sure we will be back by then

Jun 17, 2023 12:26:43 PM Me

And please don’t worry about prepping the room. I’m happy to roll in change sheets to wash, which I have some to do. I am intensely low maintenance.

Jun 17, 2023 12:27:17 PM Me

I will stop at the market before I hit the house, so let me know if there’s anything you want me to bring to the house on my way

Jun 17, 2023 12:27:42 PM Me

And tomorrow I’ll put my breakfast order in with the girls 🤣🤣🤣

Jun 17, 2023 12:27:53 PM Me

For Monday 😜

Jun 17, 2023 12:28:02 PM Me

I’ll be excited to have breakfast with them

Jun 17, 2023 12:55:30 PM Me

Here’s one option right near my campground, and it has one of the top 36 arches either in the United States, are world at the end of it

Jun 17, 2023 12:55:34 PM Me

https://maps.app.goo.gl/WktHL5ZJmY3UKcjd8?g_st=i

Jun 17, 2023 12:55:54 PM Me

The rating is really high for that close hikes around town. That’s one of three top rated ones.

Jun 17, 2023 1:56:38 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_2462.heic

Cool idea. Stickers that wrap around water bottles with cool landscapes

Jun 17, 2023 2:07:09 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: FullSizeRender.heic

Purchased 🤣

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Jun 17, 2023 2:10:59 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_2467.heic

At pagan climbing 🧗‍♀️ store

Jun 17, 2023 3:06:37 PM Me

Let me know if you guys are out in Aspen can I show up then? Or is everybody coming back to the house after that?

Jun 17, 2023 3:30:49 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Barry and Laurie leave at noon

Jun 17, 2023 3:31:33 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll text you in the am what we are doing after and let you know what time we will be home

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Jun 17, 2023 3:32:49 PM Me

Headed to trail

Jun 18, 2023 9:40:03 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 26 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning ☀️ Happy Father’s Day! Not sure what hike you did yesterday- but we did one about 5miles from town called Mill Creek Falls that we enjoyed

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Jun 18, 2023 10:08:06 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning ☀️ Happy Father’s Day! Not sure what hike you did yesterday- but we did one about 5miles from town called Mill Creek Falls that we enjoyed

Jun 18, 2023 10:10:24 AM Me

I can fill you in later. I just got cell service. On my way north out of Moab to the 70 right now. Got out of camp right about 10 AM I know I will have one probably two stops to charge Grand Junction in somewhere else so I won't be there at the earliest until four 5 o'clock. I'll keep you posted as I make my way.

Jun 18, 2023 12:07:49 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_2629.heic

Grand Junction!!! 25 miles left on the juice. Learning how to tortoise 🐢 my way over long distances 🤣

Jun 18, 2023 1:11:37 PM (Read by you after 50 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet - how long to a full charge?

Jun 18, 2023 1:11:51 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Unable to locate attachment: 70880830254__7B96842C-BDDA-47AA-BB27-312B90543B9E.heic

Jun 18, 2023 1:11:55 PM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

Just rolled into Aspen

Jun 18, 2023 1:13:17 PM Me

My car is totally full. Went to sprouts got water, lunch and back on the road headed east. I’ll let you know on my next charging pitstop and 63 miles where I am.

Jun 18, 2023 1:15:38 PM Me

Rifle, CO

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Jun 18, 2023 3:24:25 PM Me

Leaving Rifle, Colorado

Jun 18, 2023 3:24:29 PM Me

Stopping in Glenwood springs

Jun 18, 2023 3:24:30 PM Me

To charge and then house 🏠 is next after that

Jun 18, 2023 3:26:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Let me know when you finish your charge in Glenwood

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Jun 18, 2023 3:39:37 PM Me

I’m about 12 miles away from getting the charge station

Jun 18, 2023 3:55:40 PM Me

Yo-yo

Jun 18, 2023 3:59:07 PM Me

I’m here at Starbucks in Glenwood Springs😜

Jun 18, 2023 3:59:39 PM Me

Just shared location

Jun 18, 2023 3:59:57 PM Me

I was going to hit up the supermarket in Carbondale when I roll in

Jun 18, 2023 4:00:17 PM Me

Before I get to the house.

Jun 18, 2023 4:00:45 PM Me

Imagine you have had a pretty busy damn weekend with Barry visiting, I am Magine his level of energy and enthusiasm has not rained in the years since your wedding that’s the last time I saw him

Jun 18, 2023 4:01:00 PM Me

Getting stoned in the cabin, and then going in laying out across the lawn while you’re taking your vows. I was gob smacked to see the least.

Jun 18, 2023 4:09:07 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Can you get this when you’re at the store?

Jun 18, 2023 4:09:24 PM Me

Sure send me a list pictures whatever you need

Jun 18, 2023 4:09:40 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_7555.heic

Jun 18, 2023 4:10:41 PM (Read by you after 41 seconds) +13038752587

The grocery store is on 133 (city market)

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Jun 18, 2023 4:12:16 PM Me

I have 100 miles in my battery and I just filled it up so recently I plug it in and my car is like now. So I’m not worried I’m gonna drive from here to the house which is 12 miles with a detour to the market and then I don’t plan on moving for a little while unless I get in the car with you. I don’t plan on driving anywhere in the next 40 hours unless it’s vital to my existence.

Jun 18, 2023 4:12:33 PM Me

Speech to text still sucks

Jun 18, 2023 4:13:03 PM Me

I know these are here there’s four of them and they work with my car

Jun 18, 2023 4:13:18 PM Me

Plus, there’s a Starbucks so I could go inside and work while my car charges bonus!!!

Jun 18, 2023 4:16:41 PM Me

FYI Hot shower is first before I touch humans.

Jun 18, 2023 4:16:47 PM Me

☣️

Jun 18, 2023 4:17:04 PM Me

Who knows what the fuck creepy crawlies I’m bringing with me 🤣

Jun 18, 2023 4:17:24 PM Me

I think you remember how much mosquitoes like me, Utah was a motherfucker

Jun 18, 2023 4:17:50 PM Me

Oh, I gotta remember to hold my tongue 😜

Jun 18, 2023 4:24:48 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

You’ll probably get to house before we get back

Jun 18, 2023 4:25:24 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes) +13038752587

Text me when you are there. I put a key in the dirt for you

Jun 18, 2023 4:36:34 PM Me

At market

Jun 18, 2023 4:40:43 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Santa Cruz limeade - aisle 7

Jun 18, 2023 4:42:28 PM Me

Haha

Jun 18, 2023 4:42:30 PM Me

K

Jun 18, 2023 4:53:53 PM Me

No beer in markets??

Jun 18, 2023 4:53:57 PM Me

Wtf?

Jun 18, 2023 4:54:11 PM Me

Am I blind??

Jun 18, 2023 4:58:59 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Should be

Jun 18, 2023 4:59:27 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sopris liquor a block away

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Jun 18, 2023 4:59:45 PM Me

How close are you guys to being back?

Jun 18, 2023 5:00:04 PM +13038752587

Hourish

Jun 18, 2023 5:00:09 PM Me

K

Jun 18, 2023 5:00:21 PM Me

I can hide if you want me too

Jun 18, 2023 5:00:29 PM Me

Do they know I’m arriving?

Jun 18, 2023 5:01:53 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

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Jun 18, 2023 5:01:45 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

When you get to house Go around side to back Open gate - pushes in Key is between the two organic compost/garden soil bags.

Jun 18, 2023 5:01:53 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 18, 2023 5:04:44 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: 70882222719__45B992A3-AAB4-4AE7-8A4D-AA81E4A57984.fullsizerender.HEIC

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Jun 18, 2023 5:04:44 PM Me

Getting 2

Jun 18, 2023 5:06:29 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have a Kroger card?

Jun 18, 2023 5:06:44 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

If not use 3035024230

Jun 18, 2023 5:06:56 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Alt id

Jun 18, 2023 5:32:28 PM Me

Crap

Jun 18, 2023 5:32:53 PM Me

I Even went to the car to look for the new card. I got in Utah and couldn’t find it and they wouldn’t hook me up so I ended up paying full price. Some kind of pissed makes me not wanna fucking go back there.

Jun 18, 2023 5:33:18 PM Me

Anyhow, I’ll be fine I just left the package store so rolling in to the house momentarily

Jun 18, 2023 5:40:22 PM Me

I'm here

Jun 19, 2023 2:01:48 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Hey! Good morning. I’m so sorry about yesterday. Idk what happened. I reset my password 3 times, and it still wouldn’t work. Today, ta da - it did lol let me know if this is helpful. Another thought altogether (if there are any issues) which may be a little crazy but doable is to transfer the whole website to my other hosting (hostgator). I’m wondering if it is because I am not the original admin that it’s giving a hard time 🤔🤔🤔 Logins for the hosting digitalocean.com – username : professionalvideoads3@gmail.com password: USAflag2023! Server Droplet SSH Access Info Droplet IP : 159.203.170.93 username : root password : pva2021ADS /var/www/professionalvideoads.com/html

Jun 19, 2023 3:39:24 PM Me

https://www.plugshare.com/location/142817

Jun 19, 2023 3:39:24 PM Me

Marble Distilling Company 150 Main St, Carbondale, CO 81623, USA we can use this place as an excuse to go over and try out my Tesla adapter. The car can charge while we swing back some whiskey. 😁

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Jun 20, 2023 10:25:25 AM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have your house key with you?

Jun 20, 2023 10:25:47 AM Me

Yes

Jun 20, 2023 10:26:07 AM Me

FYI this would be a good place to work

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Jun 20, 2023 10:29:21 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah washed your hiking hat 🎩

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Jun 20, 2023 2:15:49 PM Me

Let me know when you are ball parking your return here

Jun 20, 2023 2:16:42 PM Me

I was going to take the car out for a ride, maybe go to the market. But I want to make sure I’m here for you guys so you can take off

Jun 20, 2023 4:21:20 PM Me

Hola

Jun 20, 2023 4:21:32 PM Me

Get my messages?

Jun 20, 2023 5:10:24 PM Me

I'm on my way back to the house right now

Jun 20, 2023 5:45:06 PM Me

I'm here

Jun 20, 2023 9:04:34 PM Me

Saw this bike in Basalt today. Want to get it for Darraghs bday But maybe graduation?

Jun 20, 2023 9:14:03 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry, we were out of service all day.

Jun 20, 2023 9:14:04 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Hike took way longer then expected…ate dinner in Marble and just got into service between Redstone and Carbondale.

Jun 20, 2023 9:14:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Be home in 10

Jun 21, 2023 11:36:06 AM Me

You guys already blow through farmers marke??

Jun 21, 2023 11:36:28 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Still here

Jun 21, 2023 11:37:31 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

The girls are eating empanadas and mango on a stick

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Jun 21, 2023 12:20:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Girls are sitting the lawn by art center

Jun 21, 2023 1:22:07 PM Me

Charger 🔌 is great!

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Jun 21, 2023 1:22:42 PM Me

39kW highest input I’ve seen in my car on any chargers so far

Jun 21, 2023 1:22:54 PM Me

32 was previous

Jun 21, 2023 1:23:21 PM Me

So with 40% battery 🔋 It says 40mins and full

Jun 21, 2023 1:39:46 PM Me

In life's grand embrace, Moments of joy interlace, Shit times leave a trace.

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Jun 21, 2023 1:40:10 PM Me

GPT haiku

Jun 21, 2023 4:02:16 PM Me

I’m in the market and they sell beer, is there a particular six pack you would like or something? Seeing it is the solstice, I figure you may imbibe.

Jun 21, 2023 4:02:53 PM Me

I did pick up pre made margaitas in a bottle and a red wine for the beef

Jun 21, 2023 4:22:24 PM Me

I’m on my way back home now and I can get started on dinner

Jun 21, 2023 11:25:32 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 22, 2023 9:24:57 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

😎🤓🥳🤪😎😎🤓🤓

Jun 22, 2023 9:25:10 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

🥺🥺🥺

Jun 22, 2023 9:25:27 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

🤬😡😤😠😡🤬😡🤬

Jun 22, 2023 9:39:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Literally just sat down

Jun 22, 2023 9:39:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Line was out the door for coffee

Jun 22, 2023 9:40:21 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

People with babies who were in no rush at all with a line of 20 people behind them oblivious that there may be people behind them that need to get shit down

Jun 22, 2023 9:40:23 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 1 second) Me

Done

Jun 22, 2023 9:43:21 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Akunamatata

Jun 22, 2023 9:43:49 AM +13038752587

Emoji above were from Willow having fun 🤩

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Jun 22, 2023 9:48:49 AM +13038752587

In case I forgot last night. Thank you for a delicious dinner 🍽️

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Loved by Me

Jun 22, 2023 9:49:04 AM Me

Was yummy

Jun 22, 2023 9:49:16 AM Me

Tri tip was a good cut

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Jun 22, 2023 9:59:12 AM Me

🤯

Jun 22, 2023 9:59:15 AM Me

YouTube

Jun 22, 2023 10:02:07 AM (Read by them after 45 seconds) Me

Trying to get into digital ocean

Jun 22, 2023 10:42:05 AM (Read by them after 11 minutes, 54 seconds) Me

Do you have the special code that will get me in?

Jun 22, 2023 10:56:12 AM (Read by them after 15 minutes, 13 seconds) Me

I can’t get things sorted out until I can get into digital ocean and see what’s up with the image.

Jun 22, 2023 10:56:36 AM (Read by them after 14 minutes, 49 seconds) Me

Right now I can SFTP in but nothings there. Like I’m logged into he wrong place or something

Jun 22, 2023 11:15:48 AM (Read by them after 15 minutes, 45 seconds) Me

https://www.augment.co/?ref=superhuman1_mar23&utm_source=www.joinsuperhuman.ai&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=amazon-replaces-human-authors-with-ai

Jun 22, 2023 11:28:19 AM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 15 seconds) Me

https://www.essense.io/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=essense_promotion_superhuman

Jun 22, 2023 11:28:59 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 34 seconds) Me

https://libraria.dev/

Jun 22, 2023 11:51:03 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Did you use to login information I texted you the other day?

Jun 22, 2023 11:51:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yeah, it wants a 6 digit code after I submit

Jun 22, 2023 11:52:17 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I ping Nicole

Jun 22, 2023 11:52:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Jun 22, 2023 11:52:28 AM +13038752587

She just sent it

Jun 22, 2023 11:52:47 AM +13038752587

911093

Jun 22, 2023 11:52:57 AM Me

cool

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Jun 22, 2023 11:53:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

im iun

Jun 22, 2023 11:53:12 AM Me

In

Jun 22, 2023 12:03:33 PM Me

cool, I’m in WP-ADMIN

Jun 22, 2023 12:03:56 PM Me

Thinking elementor pro was the issue

Jun 22, 2023 12:04:08 PM Me

What do you need out of this install to start the new build?

Jun 22, 2023 12:05:04 PM Me

I can help you get the new site up fast. You can focus on Woo and products, I can do the rest of the design to make it match current site in Divi. Let me know what you think.

Jun 22, 2023 12:05:14 PM Me

I’m going to pack up and head back to the house.

Jun 22, 2023 12:05:26 PM Me

Starting to zone out than doing work.

Jun 22, 2023 12:05:56 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 I’m Here see you soon

Jun 23, 2023 4:48:33 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Taking girls here at 5:30

Jun 23, 2023 4:48:41 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 23, 2023 4:48:48 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wanna join us

Jun 23, 2023 4:49:13 PM +13038752587

Tree et al will be here around 7

Jun 23, 2023 4:49:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

margaritas

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Jun 23, 2023 4:49:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Jun 23, 2023 4:49:36 PM Me

Ill be over

Jun 23, 2023 5:31:55 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Walking there now

Jun 23, 2023 5:32:08 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Cool, headed out momentarily

Jun 23, 2023 5:32:18 PM Me

Lock up, yes?

Jun 23, 2023 5:32:25 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jun 23, 2023 5:55:47 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

On the back porch- ordered you a margarita

Jun 23, 2023 5:55:55 PM Me

Cool

Jun 23, 2023 5:56:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Assuming you want two

Jun 23, 2023 6:10:42 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

“Where’s Bert?” - Willow

Jun 23, 2023 6:11:21 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 23, 2023 7:02:24 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Is this yours? Girls found it on the ground

Jun 23, 2023 7:07:58 PM Me

Yes

Jun 23, 2023 7:07:59 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

?

Jun 23, 2023 7:08:05 PM +13038752587

😀

Jun 23, 2023 7:08:15 PM Me

Fell out of pocket

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Jun 23, 2023 7:30:46 PM Me

K on way back

Jun 23, 2023 7:33:19 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

We left you retainer- crap

Jun 23, 2023 7:33:44 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 54 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

My hands were full - totally spaced it

Jun 23, 2023 7:33:51 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 54 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Stop by and ask them

Jun 23, 2023 7:34:16 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 54 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Aaarrrgggh

Jun 25, 2023 1:05:47 PM Me

We parked

Jun 26, 2023 7:45:10 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Hey, where are you? Call me

Jun 26, 2023 7:50:45 PM Me

I'm enjoying a view of the mountains

Jun 26, 2023 7:51:53 PM Me

I want to be alone

Jun 26, 2023 7:52:43 PM Me

I'll be fine

Jun 26, 2023 7:53:56 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Can you chat with me for a moment? Or a quick call

Jun 26, 2023 8:01:59 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Please give me a call

Jun 26, 2023 8:03:48 PM Me

I'm ok, just want to be alone

Jun 26, 2023 8:07:01 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Can you tell me where you are?

Jun 26, 2023 8:07:26 PM Me

In town

Jun 26, 2023 8:07:30 PM Me

Not far

Jun 26, 2023 8:23:15 PM Me

Going to the market and then back theee

Jun 26, 2023 8:23:23 PM Me

Need anything at store?

Jun 26, 2023 8:24:03 PM Me

I'm in a super dark space and needed to get away and be alone. Why I took off

Jun 26, 2023 8:29:47 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I don’t think so

Jun 26, 2023 8:35:26 PM Me

K

Jun 26, 2023 8:35:32 PM Me

At store now

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Jun 27, 2023 10:20:40 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Made reservation

Jun 27, 2023 10:21:49 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

We love that campsite

Jun 27, 2023 10:22:06 AM Me

Got lucky and got #12 next to the river

Jun 27, 2023 10:22:28 AM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Reviews said it’s one of the best spots in whole campground.

Jun 27, 2023 4:53:42 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Butter 🧈 Coffee ☕️ White frosting 🧁

Jun 27, 2023 5:03:32 PM Me

Ok

Jun 27, 2023 5:03:40 PM Me

Headed there now

Jun 28, 2023 11:31:45 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 28, 2023 6:27:21 PM Me

You have gorilla glue??

Jun 28, 2023 6:33:28 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - “white” it drs white

Jun 28, 2023 6:33:59 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

New set up

Jun 30, 2023 1:46:13 PM Me

Jun 30, 2023 2:29:21 PM Me

Hey

Jun 30, 2023 2:29:32 PM Me

You around?

Jun 30, 2023 2:35:13 PM Me

Headed to market, then was hoping to head back. Will keep a low profile. Getting away helped me ge

Jun 30, 2023 3:09:38 PM Me

Hola??

Jun 30, 2023 3:14:58 PM Me

At the house, no one home

Jun 30, 2023 3:59:08 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Hey, we are heading up to Redstone. Hope you had a good time.

Jun 30, 2023 4:00:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

See you later tonight :)

Jun 30, 2023 5:32:23 PM Me

Ok

Jul 01, 2023 5:44:46 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 27 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 02, 2023 12:20:02 PM Me

Went for a walk

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Jul 02, 2023 1:08:02 PM Me

Is camping yay or nay? I know u guys need more down time so I’m cool with nay. Feeling tired

Jul 02, 2023 1:08:20 PM Me

Thinking I’ll pass actually

Jul 02, 2023 6:00:38 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Just leaving Glenwood- be home in 30m

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Jul 02, 2023 6:27:00 PM Me

Tiny Pine Bistro · 4.9 ★ (55) · Restaurant

Jul 02, 2023 6:27:00 PM Me

This is the little restaurant I kept driving by I was trying to tell you about

Jul 02, 2023 9:21:52 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 02, 2023 9:22:29 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 02, 2023 9:22:52 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 02, 2023 9:24:07 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 02, 2023 9:24:47 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 03, 2023 10:15:14 AM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dharmapunx-nyc/id680768069?i=1000618576675

Jul 03, 2023 10:15:14 AM Me

Great episode

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Jul 03, 2023 10:19:57 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Text me when the dns is all set

Jul 03, 2023 10:20:02 AM Me

K

Jul 03, 2023 10:34:07 AM (Read by them after 3 hours, 23 minutes, 39 seconds) Me

I can’t change DNS inside SiteGround for the D5. Where is the domain registered? We need to change it there

Jul 03, 2023 10:54:40 AM (Read by them after 3 hours, 3 minutes, 6 seconds) Me

Let me know when you can. I’m around.

Jul 03, 2023 1:31:20 PM (Read by them after 26 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

Did you get my texts?

Jul 03, 2023 1:31:43 PM (Read by them after 26 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

I can’t change the DNS at Siteground.

Jul 03, 2023 1:32:44 PM (Read by them after 25 minutes, 2 seconds) Me

Also, I’m going to go to Mt. Sopris trailhead later this afternoon for a hike. Let me know when you might be back if you’re interested in going. I would like to take off at 4pm

Jul 03, 2023 2:16:49 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

It’s at digital cloud I think

Jul 03, 2023 2:17:02 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

K

Jul 03, 2023 2:17:14 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Do a check where the main domain is registered

Jul 03, 2023 2:43:46 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 39 minutes, 28 seconds) Me

Need the 6 digit

Jul 03, 2023 2:45:46 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 37 minutes, 28 seconds) Me

For digital ocean

Jul 03, 2023 2:45:58 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 37 minutes, 16 seconds) Me

Also says domain name bought at

Jul 03, 2023 2:45:58 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 37 minutes, 16 seconds) Me

https://www.namecheap.com/

Jul 03, 2023 2:46:22 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 36 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

Current DNS is set to Digital Ocean, but until I can login to that I dont know if I can change it

Jul 03, 2023 2:46:30 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 36 minutes, 44 seconds) Me

Bummer

Jul 03, 2023 2:46:44 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 36 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

Thought this was going to be cleaner 😊

Jul 03, 2023 3:36:40 PM Me

Spotify

Jul 03, 2023 3:41:36 PM Me

This cover kills me, WOW 😮

Jul 03, 2023 3:57:33 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 25 minutes, 41 seconds) Me

Here’s my draft resume for Prompt Engineer

Jul 03, 2023 3:57:34 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 25 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

https://assets.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:sc:US:f3eadeee-7b0c-4f2f-a7da-da701cdb4bfb?view=published

Jul 03, 2023 3:57:45 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 25 minutes, 29 seconds) Me

K, getting my gear and going to Sopris trail head

Jul 03, 2023 4:58:52 PM Me

Just made it to trail head

Jul 03, 2023 4:59:24 PM Me

Remind me next time we go in your truck. 😄

Jul 03, 2023 5:00:43 PM Me

Jul 03, 2023 5:03:30 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

What cover?

Jul 03, 2023 5:09:11 PM Me

Song I sent

Jul 03, 2023 5:11:01 PM Me

U home?

Jul 03, 2023 5:12:03 PM Me

Jul 03, 2023 6:24:48 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Just got back

Jul 03, 2023 8:39:39 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

https://www.rickcrandall.net/mt-sopris-via-northeast-ridge/

Jul 05, 2023 5:02:42 PM Me

275ft in 1/4 mile. 9.5 mins for my fat out of shape body

Jul 06, 2023 5:59:11 PM Me

There it is. The benchmark. .75 miles 750 ft gain Under 26 mins

Jul 06, 2023 6:01:07 PM Me

Jul 06, 2023 6:18:37 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Garbage bags Honey 🍯 Eggs Pulled pork Coffee ☕️ beans Milk 1/2 1/2

Jul 06, 2023 6:18:51 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 06, 2023 6:19:03 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 06, 2023 6:21:55 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

And butter 🧈

Jul 06, 2023 6:22:01 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Please and thank you

Jul 06, 2023 6:30:58 PM Me

Pulled pork?

Jul 06, 2023 6:33:17 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - we can make fresh or buy pre done. We have a bunch of coleslaw. For dinner tomorrow

Jul 06, 2023 9:35:34 PM (Read by you after 54 seconds) +13038752587

Rifle Mountain Park · 4.8 ★ (226) · Park

Jul 06, 2023 10:32:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

HOLY SHIT

Jul 06, 2023 10:33:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I learned things I did not know existed or were plausible. Watching this made me a bit more freaked about AI

Jul 06, 2023 10:33:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 06, 2023 10:34:12 PM Me

The doomsday story is freakishly plausible

Jul 07, 2023 5:34:36 PM Me

Hola 👋 If possible to stop and get limeade or lemonade 😁

Jul 07, 2023 5:34:47 PM Me

Muchas gracias

Jul 08, 2023 4:29:30 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah request for Tito’s vodka

Jul 08, 2023 4:44:23 PM Me

Crap

Jul 08, 2023 4:44:35 PM Me

I saw this after I left

Jul 08, 2023 4:44:48 PM Me

I did get you guys something to try

Jul 08, 2023 4:46:48 PM Me

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Jul 08, 2023 4:46:48 PM Me

10% !!

Jul 08, 2023 5:06:22 PM Me

On way home

Jul 08, 2023 10:36:14 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 08, 2023 10:36:33 PM Me

20 seconds, lol

Jul 10, 2023 8:04:29 PM Me

Can you share with Sarah??

Jul 10, 2023 8:04:33 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 10, 2023 9:28:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 11, 2023 6:47:33 PM Me

Killer hat for meme frogs 🐸 all over it

Jul 11, 2023 7:09:08 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 11 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Where did you find it

Jul 12, 2023 10:20:10 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Business Insider

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Jul 13, 2023 2:25:00 PM Me

BBC News

Jul 13, 2023 2:25:00 PM Me

Sarah Silverman sues OpenAI and Meta

Jul 13, 2023 10:07:28 PM Me

ChatGPT

Jul 13, 2023 10:08:50 PM Me

I asked it to write pitch deals for each of those four islands based on the 22 immutable laws of marketing book. It came out pretty damn good. I asked for seven bullet points for each island with a title and subtitle.

Jul 13, 2023 10:17:13 PM Me

Instagram

Jul 15, 2023 8:27:59 PM Me

I can hear them from the deck

Jul 16, 2023 6:08:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If you’re out and about and happen to stumble upon adult beverages that would be cool. Red wine would work.

Jul 17, 2023 8:26:18 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Jul 18, 2023 6:19:18 PM Me

If you could, forward this to Sarah. I told her about this channel a while ago.

Jul 18, 2023 6:19:20 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 19, 2023 4:43:47 PM Me

https://chat.openai.com/share/f91d4c5a-909c-435e-9604-90a24510f3b5

Jul 19, 2023 4:43:47 PM Me

This was fun

Jul 19, 2023 8:18:52 PM Me

At the house, no key.

Jul 19, 2023 8:19:03 PM Me

Not feeling the park

Jul 19, 2023 8:21:16 PM Me

You were following me, but gave into the “I want mama” violin song

Jul 19, 2023 8:23:19 PM Me

Notice when I call them out on it, they immediately stop—because I'm calling it out. I said it to my boys faces. “I know you're fine and you're whining a great violin song to get your way—aint happening.

Jul 19, 2023 8:24:08 PM Me

Then they had to think about manipulating people to do what you want

Jul 19, 2023 8:24:45 PM Me

Wasn't really an issue by the time Darragh came around

Jul 19, 2023 8:25:34 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jul 19, 2023 8:25:44 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Chill and meditate

Jul 19, 2023 8:25:53 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

We will be home in 15

Jul 19, 2023 8:42:10 PM Me

Close?

Jul 19, 2023 8:42:27 PM Me

17 mins later....

Jul 19, 2023 8:42:44 PM Me

🤣

Jul 19, 2023 8:55:57 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 19, 2023 10:20:45 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 20, 2023 6:38:09 PM Me

All good

Jul 20, 2023 6:38:23 PM Me

Totoro is in and they’re downtown the rabbit hole

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Jul 20, 2023 7:07:30 PM Me

Just a quick update everything is A-OK. They are both laughing and loving the movie.

Jul 20, 2023 7:07:52 PM Me

Have a good time and don’t think about the house for the kids

Jul 20, 2023 7:08:09 PM Me

That was OR the kids,

Jul 20, 2023 8:28:15 PM Me

Still all good heee

Jul 20, 2023 8:28:20 PM Me

Here

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Jul 21, 2023 10:21:28 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Funds are in Venmo

Jul 21, 2023 10:25:15 AM Me

Yay! Thanks 🙏☺️

Jul 24, 2023 12:33:32 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Hello! Happy Monday! Yes I can give you the Vimeo but there wasn’t an original Mailchimp 😔 they used hubspot, and then they cancelled it prior to the transition. I can resend the contacts that they downloaded from hubspot though. Or I can import it into Mailchimp? Up to you whatever makes things easier🤩 This is the login for Vimeo​support@professionalvideoads.com Password - ​ N1c@le345 If you need a code I’ll be on the lookout!

Jul 24, 2023 9:44:43 PM Me

Hello?

Jul 25, 2023 8:24:23 PM Me

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Just arrived

Jul 25, 2023 8:36:34 PM Me

Plenty of juice

Jul 25, 2023 8:36:46 PM Me

Utah was scarier

Jul 25, 2023 8:39:11 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet

Jul 26, 2023 8:42:50 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

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I like this

Jul 26, 2023 9:57:27 AM Me

How is it going with just family in the house??

Jul 26, 2023 11:26:06 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The space feels a bit empty without you here.

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Laughed by Me

Jul 26, 2023 11:37:24 AM ⇲ Me

You sense it’s the dark force that’s missing. I know, I generate it and people pick up on it 😁

Jul 26, 2023 11:52:37 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 17 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Perhaps 🤔 But their is an excitement around WF, Tour, Music, missing

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Liked by Me

Jul 26, 2023 9:59:10 AM Me

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Jul 26, 2023 11:26:06 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The space feels a bit empty without you here.

Reactions:

Laughed by Me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 26, 2023 11:27:42 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Are you available to fix the videos layout on the sg4 website?

Jul 26, 2023 11:38:06 AM ⇲ Me

Yes. Meditation and then can help. Do you have a hit list?

Jul 26, 2023 11:37:24 AM ⇱ Me

You sense it’s the dark force that’s missing. I know, I generate it and people pick up on it 😁
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 26, 2023 11:38:06 AM ⇱ Me

Yes. Meditation and then can help. Do you have a hit list?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 26, 2023 11:49:04 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll send one

Jul 26, 2023 11:52:37 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 17 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Perhaps 🤔 But their is an excitement around WF, Tour, Music, missing

Reactions:

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 26, 2023 12:24:53 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Email sent

Jul 26, 2023 12:27:47 PM Me

K looking at it

Jul 26, 2023 12:55:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, I think I have it setup how you asked for. Note, I cannot change the size of the Vimeo ads.

Jul 26, 2023 1:31:38 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

In a meeting I’ll reach out soon

Jul 26, 2023 2:52:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Jul 26, 2023 2:54:50 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Tried to call twice. - I have another call in 5m - I call you after around 4

Jul 26, 2023 2:55:18 PM Me

Crap, airplane mode charging

Jul 26, 2023 2:55:28 PM Me

If you FaceTime audio I can talk on the laptop

Jul 26, 2023 3:24:04 PM Me

Jul 26, 2023 3:24:42 PM Me

Jul 26, 2023 3:25:07 PM Me

Jul 26, 2023 4:17:29 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Just got off call - I’ll call you in 10m

Jul 26, 2023 6:03:18 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 7 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

YouTube vids complete

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Jul 26, 2023 10:49:25 PM Me

Notion

Jul 26, 2023 10:49:25 PM Me

Hahahaha

Jul 27, 2023 10:31:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. Doing my meditation then on the laptop for majority of the day.

Jul 27, 2023 10:31:44 AM Me

Will work on finishing Tree’s site work and I can estimate that project for you

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Jul 27, 2023 5:40:06 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 40 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Work up an estimate to give catchmygiglive.com a facelift, including new logo(name), and the templates updated to new look. Target audience is influencers online (sports, social, models, etc).

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Jul 28, 2023 9:50:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, in the midst of the proposal / estimate

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Jul 28, 2023 9:51:28 AM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Emailing you login s you can see users dashboard

Jul 28, 2023 10:25:15 AM Me

Just emailed the estimate to you

Jul 28, 2023 11:59:16 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 32 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Got it - looks good in first read. I’m reviewing business plan and creating DM🤖

Jul 28, 2023 11:59:29 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 32 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be talking with them this afternoon

Jul 28, 2023 3:26:20 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

I have access to the code if you want to see the backend

Jul 28, 2023 4:14:07 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ton of work done on trees site.

Jul 28, 2023 4:14:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Done for now, but need Tahiti accordion copy.

Jul 28, 2023 4:14:30 PM Me

Switching gears to my stuff and applications. Plus car packing

Jul 28, 2023 9:16:09 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 40 seconds) +13038752587

When are you heading out? Thought you’d spend time there for a week.

Jul 28, 2023 9:17:59 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Heading out tomorrow—Saturday

Jul 28, 2023 9:18:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I should get there Tues/Wed

Jul 28, 2023 9:18:39 PM +13038752587

4 days travel?

Jul 28, 2023 9:19:12 PM Me

Its 20 + recharge stops. 26 hours of driving and prob that much time in changing

Jul 28, 2023 9:19:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and that’s no sleep

Jul 28, 2023 9:19:29 PM Me

52 hours

Jul 28, 2023 9:20:09 PM Me

I’m at 68 hours if I put 2 8 hour sleeps in. But I can sleep on SOME recharges. On some I’ll be job hunting.

Jul 28, 2023 9:21:34 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Take it a pace that feels good

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Jul 28, 2023 9:22:14 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

What’s your route?

Jul 28, 2023 9:26:43 PM Me

I have a google map set with all my pit stops I’ve planned.

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Jul 28, 2023 9:27:17 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Looks like this

Jul 28, 2023 9:29:59 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

What time you hitting the road?

Jul 28, 2023 9:30:07 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Longmont—to—Waterford · Bert Mahoney

Jul 28, 2023 9:30:15 PM +13038752587

Did you spend time with Mene

Jul 28, 2023 9:30:30 PM ⇲ Me

Had dinner at her house last night.

Jul 28, 2023 9:30:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Got my gift from her

Jul 28, 2023 9:30:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Whenever all my shits in the car

Jul 28, 2023 9:30:30 PM ⇱ Me

Had dinner at her house last night.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 28, 2023 9:30:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Got my gift from her
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 28, 2023 9:31:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Tree and Don head out tomorrow to a party @ 2pm so planning to head out before that. Hopefully before noon.

Jul 28, 2023 9:31:15 PM Me

I’ll ping everyone

Jul 28, 2023 9:31:34 PM Me

My dad doesn’t like that I’m driving

Jul 28, 2023 10:04:48 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

How do you feel about driving? You can still fly if you want.

Jul 28, 2023 10:05:22 PM Me

I feel fine about it. I’m good

Jul 28, 2023 10:05:49 PM Me

Not in that headspace and haven’t been since then. I think moving helps

Jul 28, 2023 10:07:11 PM Me

In my mind the sooner I get there the sooner I can get locked in and getting work.

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Jul 28, 2023 10:07:21 PM Me

Sometimes it can feel like you have a curse on you

Jul 28, 2023 10:24:39 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Sleep well. I’ll text in the morning

Jul 28, 2023 11:03:41 PM Me

K

Jul 28, 2023 11:04:20 PM Me

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Jul 29, 2023 12:56:38 PM Me

Blast off!

Jul 29, 2023 12:57:54 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 - send pics of your stops along the way 📸

Jul 29, 2023 12:59:27 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Safe travels 😀

Jul 29, 2023 1:07:12 PM Me

Thanks! I will

Jul 29, 2023 4:49:06 PM Me

In Sterling. Last stop in CO.

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Jul 29, 2023 4:50:48 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Go Cornhuskers

Jul 29, 2023 4:51:10 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

How far you going tonight?

Jul 29, 2023 4:51:51 PM Me

Lexington Nebraska

Jul 29, 2023 4:52:12 PM Me

That’s the target. If I still feel good I’ll go more

Jul 29, 2023 4:52:27 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jul 29, 2023 4:53:32 PM Me

The breaks to charge are great to stretch. Perfectly timed

Jul 29, 2023 6:14:25 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_3538.heic

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Unable to locate attachment: IMG_3538.heic

Jul 29, 2023 10:23:50 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: Screenshot 2023-07-29 at 11.23.04 PM.jpeg

Went 321. I'm in Lexington Nebraska

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Jul 30, 2023 11:48:27 AM Me

Unable to locate attachment: FullSizeRender.heic

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Lincoln Nebraska

Jul 30, 2023 1:10:58 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Lincoln is a cool place

Jul 30, 2023 1:45:51 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

When you can / give me edit abilities over the proposal doc for catch my gig live

Jul 30, 2023 1:49:51 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

No worries- I copied it out of doc 😊

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Jul 30, 2023 1:56:42 PM Me

I am in Omaha Nebraska

Jul 30, 2023 2:56:59 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Where the pic? 😀

Jul 30, 2023 3:01:00 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_3563.heic

Avoca, Iowa Approaching Des Moines

Jul 30, 2023 3:01:09 PM Me

One state down

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Jul 30, 2023 3:25:16 PM Me

I reached out to Heidi and waiting for a reply

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Jul 30, 2023 5:52:49 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: FullSizeRender.heic

Waukee Iowa 15 miles west of Des Moines. I have a campground spot reserved nearby for the night.

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Jul 30, 2023 6:08:06 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - how are the books your listening too

Jul 30, 2023 7:35:41 PM Me

Starting tomorrow. Been listening to the dead

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Jul 30, 2023 7:35:52 PM Me

It’s perfect for road trips

Jul 30, 2023 7:37:43 PM Me

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_3577.heic

Unable to locate attachment: IMG_3577.heic

Jul 30, 2023 8:27:33 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Nice campsite

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Jul 30, 2023 8:55:54 PM Me

Instagram

Jul 30, 2023 8:57:37 PM Me

Excited to meet Heidi tomorrow. Maybe we’ll take a selfie together? Who knows?, her super power is intuition so she should be able to figure out I’m not a creep 😁

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Jul 30, 2023 9:55:12 PM Me

Also, have taken my conversation with Annika to another level. She’s from Sweden 😍 and discovered all her family is back there. She lives in Los Olivos which is Santa Barbara wine country. She shared with me that she’s close to buying a house up there. And she wants to bring her mom and her daughter over from Sweden to live with her.

Jul 31, 2023 9:44:13 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes) +13038752587

Where are you now 😀

Jul 31, 2023 10:22:34 PM Me

Ottawa Illinois

Jul 31, 2023 10:22:41 PM Me

Ottawa

Jul 31, 2023 10:23:10 PM Me

Almost Chicago. Aiming for Pennsylvania tomorrow

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Aug 01, 2023 7:31:26 AM Me

Highland Indiana, just south of Chicago

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Aug 01, 2023 12:37:32 PM Me

Just west of Toledo Ohio

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Aug 01, 2023 12:37:58 PM Me

Aiming for Erie

Aug 01, 2023 2:50:47 PM Me

Anything left to fix on Trees site? There were a few things, but I am unsure if you took care of them

Aug 01, 2023 2:53:43 PM +13038752587

Talking with her tomorrow

Aug 01, 2023 2:53:50 PM +13038752587

I’ll let you know

Aug 01, 2023 2:54:33 PM Me

Oh, and wondering might I get paid for that last little bit of work to create the pages and do the responsive? That’s why I’m asking about it. I do need to take care of one thing. I should have a solid connection when I get to Erie later tonight. I’ll be at a Walmart supercenter.

Aug 01, 2023 2:55:12 PM Me

I’m negative in my bank 😬

Aug 01, 2023 2:55:52 PM Me

So stressed out driving thinking about shit.

Aug 01, 2023 3:06:15 PM +13038752587

Dude, of course. I’ll send Tree an invoice. How many hours did you work in it?

Aug 01, 2023 3:18:55 PM Me

A dozen

Aug 01, 2023 7:06:30 PM Me

Aug 01, 2023 8:05:48 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Do funds need to be there tonight or tomorrow morning

Aug 01, 2023 8:36:08 PM Me

Either

Aug 01, 2023 8:36:21 PM Me

Just pulled into Erie Pennsylvania

Aug 01, 2023 8:42:35 PM +13038752587

Wow - Pennsylvania!

Aug 01, 2023 8:44:59 PM Me

Yeah did Indiana Illinois and Ohio in one day

Aug 01, 2023 8:45:09 PM Me

15.5 hours

Aug 01, 2023 8:45:16 PM +13038752587

NY tomorrow morning

Aug 01, 2023 8:45:22 PM Me

Yep

Aug 01, 2023 8:45:23 PM +13038752587

Long day

Aug 01, 2023 8:45:54 PM Me

Long tomorrow too. But I’ll sleep in a bed 🛏️

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Aug 01, 2023 8:46:30 PM Me

K sleepy time for me almost 11

Aug 01, 2023 8:47:02 PM Me

I think I’m EST now

Aug 01, 2023 8:47:05 PM +13038752587

Waiting on a response from Tree - might be tomorrow for funds. I’ll text when she sends it.

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Aug 01, 2023 8:47:50 PM +13038752587

Sleep well 😴

Aug 01, 2023 8:48:48 PM +13038752587

Major storm ⛈️ today - hail hit the garden 🪴 hard. Hopefully it will bounce back strong

Aug 01, 2023 8:49:46 PM +13038752587

￼￼￼￼￼￼￼

Aug 01, 2023 8:55:02 PM Me

Wow 😮

Aug 02, 2023 7:52:05 AM Me

Fredonia, Nuevo York Just crossed in this morning at my first charge south of Buffalo

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Aug 02, 2023 7:52:37 AM Me

God willing and the creek don’t rise, I should make it to Waterford today

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Aug 02, 2023 8:37:32 AM +13038752587

Money sent

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Aug 02, 2023 11:30:16 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

Deidre’s living in Rochester for 6 months

Aug 02, 2023 11:30:31 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

You can see if she’s off work

Aug 02, 2023 11:30:52 AM Me

I’m about to leave now for Syracuse

Aug 02, 2023 6:34:48 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 44 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Are you there yet

Aug 04, 2023 8:57:07 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Howdy, headed out on an hour walk then will be working this afternoon on the site and be online. Supposed to be storms here this afternoon, so getting outside now.

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Aug 04, 2023 9:11:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Free 30 day trial with code ‘SUPERHUMAN”

Aug 04, 2023 9:11:27 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Zupyak

Aug 04, 2023 9:11:48 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Might be helpful for Tree

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Aug 04, 2023 3:13:04 PM Me

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2 pieces in my collection now

Aug 04, 2023 3:30:58 PM Me

I’ll send a video tour of the apt soon

Aug 04, 2023 3:31:29 PM Me

Bare bones & minimalist. YES!!!!!

Aug 04, 2023 9:53:42 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

YouTube

Aug 04, 2023 10:02:38 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 32 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Saw these and thought to send them to you as a reminder

Aug 05, 2023 6:35:33 PM Me

Dart living room

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Aug 05, 2023 6:37:40 PM Me

Honestly I don’t know why I’m still here. I’ve been feeling VERY dissociated since arriving It’s like not being in your body and mind They are somewhere else, then where my physical manifestation is standing.

Aug 05, 2023 6:38:16 PM Me

only time I feel slightly good is when I’m alone

Aug 05, 2023 6:38:24 PM Me

And that feels wrong

Aug 05, 2023 6:39:08 PM Me

Like I should be social and try to connect with people, yet deep down I don’t want to.

Aug 05, 2023 6:39:21 PM Me

I’d rather be all alone

Aug 05, 2023 6:41:27 PM Me

And that is unsettling because I’ve been alone now going on 4 years. I’m losing MORE faith that life is going to work out for me in the end. I’m going to leave this experience and existence frustrated that I could have been more and done more

Aug 05, 2023 7:25:19 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 53 minutes, 57 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Not to minimize your feelings at all. You are not allow in this feeling. Many folks have this to a degree.

Aug 05, 2023 6:41:39 PM Me

Just fucking sad all the time

Aug 05, 2023 6:41:44 PM Me

No joy

Aug 05, 2023 6:41:50 PM Me

No happy

Aug 05, 2023 6:41:59 PM Me

No deep fun

Aug 05, 2023 6:43:36 PM Me

Just placated fake face pretending that my life is great I’m lying to everyone and I’m so aware in the moment I mean am I supposed to say that my life is shit right now?!?

Aug 05, 2023 7:29:00 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 50 minutes, 16 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I think you can tell folks around you that life is a shit show right now. End of a marriage etc. and that you’re doing the best you can to navigate through the storm.

Aug 05, 2023 6:45:49 PM Me

Feeling pro death now

Aug 05, 2023 6:47:00 PM Me

I’m blocks away from where I nearly checked out at 16, 38 years ago. How did different things would be

Aug 05, 2023 6:47:22 PM Me

I'd miss the kids

Aug 05, 2023 6:47:38 PM Me

But not the suffering

Aug 05, 2023 6:53:43 PM Me

I would submit that suffering, in some but not all instances, is NOT A CHOICE but rather something that you need to carry.

Aug 05, 2023 7:17:29 PM Me

And process

Aug 05, 2023 7:25:19 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 53 minutes, 57 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Not to minimize your feelings at all. You are not allow in this feeling. Many folks have this to a degree.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 05, 2023 7:29:00 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 50 minutes, 16 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I think you can tell folks around you that life is a shit show right now. End of a marriage etc. and that you’re doing the best you can to navigate through the storm.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 06, 2023 12:19:58 PM Me

Thx 😊

Aug 06, 2023 12:20:20 PM Me

How goes moving out? I know you need to be out tomorrow

Aug 06, 2023 12:38:32 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Gearing up 😀 - one last outing this afternoon then pack and hustle mode

Aug 06, 2023 12:55:32 PM ⇲ Me

It’s afternoon now. Time to hustle

Aug 06, 2023 12:43:55 PM +13038752587

Can you create a mock-up of what catchmygiglive.com would look like- full creative license (name idea - influencer central?) I’m thinking 🤔 landing page with video demo of builder and call to action- once they sign up the admin area will match brand.

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Aug 06, 2023 12:55:32 PM ⇱ Me

It’s afternoon now. Time to hustle
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 07, 2023 7:41:05 AM Me

How is it going??

Aug 07, 2023 7:41:49 AM Me

I was thinking of applying for unemployment

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Aug 07, 2023 7:55:02 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Lots of deep breathing 🙂

Aug 07, 2023 7:56:06 AM Me

My bank account is negative and I’m behind on bills. Feeling Fucked

Aug 07, 2023 7:56:26 AM Me

Making my anxiety ratchet up

Aug 07, 2023 7:56:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

On top of feeling about as worthwhile as a pile of dog shit

Aug 07, 2023 8:14:29 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you in the financial front- apply for unemployment it will help ease the burden a bit(you’ve paid in for years and that’s why it exists)

Aug 07, 2023 8:14:57 AM Me

I may not qualify because I’m seen as a contractor

Aug 07, 2023 8:16:18 AM (Read by you after 40 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t assume- call them or get online and fill out an application

Aug 07, 2023 8:15:09 AM Me

Sux

Aug 07, 2023 8:15:42 AM +13038752587

Did you look into task rabbit. Good money

Aug 07, 2023 8:15:56 AM Me

Not yet

Aug 07, 2023 8:16:18 AM (Read by you after 40 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t assume- call them or get online and fill out an application
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Aug 07, 2023 8:17:45 AM Me

Did you ever hear back on that estimate? You asked me to design a screen, but I wasn’t sure what that was for

Aug 07, 2023 8:18:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Same company - that’s what I wanted the mock up for

Aug 07, 2023 8:17:58 AM +13038752587

Step one setup a task rabbit account now Next fill out California unemployment application

Aug 07, 2023 8:18:12 AM Me

Also Tahiti is updated and reviewing responsive

Aug 07, 2023 8:18:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Same company - that’s what I wanted the mock up for
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 07, 2023 8:19:13 AM Me

So ? Are we designing something for free?

Aug 07, 2023 8:23:55 AM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

He needs a wire frame/ mock up to show the money people

Aug 07, 2023 8:24:48 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Could even be an existing page as an example - minimum design effort

Aug 07, 2023 10:14:03 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Can you jump on a call at 12:30

Aug 07, 2023 10:50:31 AM Me

I’m on a walk right now. Depression is BAD

Aug 07, 2023 10:54:51 AM Me

It sucks to know that your life was capable of so much more than the scared, frightened life I’ve lived. I feel totally worthless and valueless. I am past my prime and don’t want the future ahead of me. It’s just nonstop suffering, and I know checking out put an end of that shit and I’m so ready for that. I’ve been sitting around suffering in this fucking mind hell hole for over a year just so everybody else can feel OK? Am I just supposed to continue living and suffering just so other people aren’t uncomfortable? Is that my fucking purpose? If I’m still alive in two months I’ll be surprised.

Aug 07, 2023 10:56:21 AM Me

I stupidly was blind to the fact that coming back here would be an enormous fucking trigger

Aug 07, 2023 10:56:46 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

I hear you

Aug 07, 2023 10:56:57 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want some reflection

Aug 07, 2023 11:01:58 AM Me

As it stands, now I’m going to be stuck here and not be able to return to California because I can’t fucking afford it. I either still be unemployed. Be working at fucking Walmart. And scraping by isn’t gonna cut it budget wise out there so I look forward to the prospect of missing my son‘s senior year of soccer. There is some gigantic fucking universal karmic thing that is fucking my life over for something I did, I don’t know wtf it is At this point, I feel like the rest of my life it’s just gonna be suffering, no matter what the fuck I do. Nothing will get better despite good behavior, good intentions, and being an all-around OK person. Look got me so far.

Aug 07, 2023 11:03:23 AM Me

You don’t have to reply, or say anything or give me a reflection. Don’t waste your mind and time on me spend it on making money

Aug 07, 2023 11:18:30 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

A little perspective for the glorious dark creation your mind is crafting. There are other possible futures, better futures. I declare your Karmic debt paid in full! Create a space of appreciation and gratitude for yourself and sit there a while.

Aug 07, 2023 11:19:39 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Look 👀 someone’s appreciating our work… “Oh I love. It is so much easier on the eye too.” Pro videos ads website feed back

Aug 07, 2023 12:27:24 PM Me

Sorry to miss that meeting.

Aug 07, 2023 12:27:57 PM Me

I’ll work on the design shortly. Do you want the public facing page for the admin desktop dashboard of the private space ?

Aug 07, 2023 1:37:22 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Just tried to call

Aug 07, 2023 1:37:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Working up presentation know

Aug 07, 2023 1:37:38 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Now

Aug 07, 2023 1:37:47 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s get on a call

Aug 07, 2023 1:38:07 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Lighting up your text thread 😀

Aug 07, 2023 2:48:45 PM Me

Been asleep. Just woke up

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Aug 07, 2023 3:04:06 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s jump on a call in 30m

Aug 07, 2023 7:16:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey, I was going to start designing something, but do you want to talk in the morning about it before I start?’

Aug 07, 2023 7:22:01 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s jump on a call

Aug 07, 2023 7:22:09 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I started something

Aug 07, 2023 8:04:00 PM Me

Ok. Let me know what time

Aug 07, 2023 8:04:16 PM Me

I’ll be online tomorrow

Aug 07, 2023 8:13:29 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 27 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you around 10 your time.

Aug 07, 2023 8:13:35 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 27 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Tomorrow

Aug 08, 2023 6:40:48 AM Me

Ok

Aug 08, 2023 7:58:29 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you in 15m

Aug 08, 2023 9:21:25 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 08, 2023 9:21:28 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Is this yours?

Aug 08, 2023 9:25:38 AM Me

Yes

Aug 08, 2023 9:26:41 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - we will pack it. With our stuff

Aug 08, 2023 10:28:46 AM Me

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Aug 08, 2023 10:58:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I also left my Athletic Greens and Kachava there by mistake. No worries.

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Aug 08, 2023 11:15:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did you put that ad out there?

Aug 08, 2023 11:32:27 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Next on the list - any thoughts 💭

Aug 08, 2023 11:32:46 AM Me

Nothing yet

Aug 08, 2023 11:33:43 AM Me

Maybe site assessments? Give report on errors under the hood

Aug 08, 2023 1:24:51 PM Me

Howdy, back from Lowe’s and Walmart with my mom. She grabbed me right after my walk and hijacked me for 2 hours. Needless to say but I’m stressing. 😰 Behind a car payment, and storage bounced today 😬

Aug 08, 2023 1:25:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But I’m sitting here now working on things. 😊

Aug 08, 2023 1:34:59 PM Me

Let me know how your 11:45 went.

Aug 08, 2023 1:48:42 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

He is dialed in in the presentation- meeting with money person tomorrow

Aug 08, 2023 2:24:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Nice!!

Aug 08, 2023 2:24:17 PM Me

And Thay talk?

Aug 08, 2023 2:41:35 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 54 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

He wants to pull public talks into a database, sort them, then build a JavaScript framework or python algorithm that is a compassion library. Allow others to use it in their AIs.

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Aug 08, 2023 2:25:22 PM Me

Rewrote my LinkedIn Introduction and my resume introduction

Aug 08, 2023 2:41:35 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 54 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

He wants to pull public talks into a database, sort them, then build a JavaScript framework or python algorithm that is a compassion library. Allow others to use it in their AIs.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 09, 2023 8:27:01 AM Me

What’s going on today?

Aug 09, 2023 8:27:20 AM Me

Let me know if there’s anything to do on Tricia’s website

Aug 09, 2023 10:21:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hello…..

Aug 09, 2023 10:24:18 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Hi - busy day packing and cleaning

Aug 09, 2023 10:24:27 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

How was the concert

Aug 09, 2023 10:27:33 AM Me

Ah, ok. Concert was excellent. I was pleasantly surprised and really enjoyed the show. I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed their music.

Aug 09, 2023 10:28:25 AM Me

Applying to Trader Joe’s

Aug 09, 2023 10:28:32 AM Me

And Lowe’s

Aug 09, 2023 10:39:13 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - what positions

Aug 09, 2023 11:25:08 AM ⇲ Me

Just regular crew, pays 19-20 an hour

Aug 09, 2023 11:24:30 AM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

On Trees site - fix navigation background and the drop-down menus are not functioning On mobile the navigation doesn’t open

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Aug 09, 2023 11:24:46 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 09, 2023 11:25:49 AM ⇲ Me

Thanks for sending that

Aug 09, 2023 11:25:08 AM ⇱ Me

Just regular crew, pays 19-20 an hour
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 09, 2023 11:25:46 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 09, 2023 11:25:49 AM ⇱ Me

Thanks for sending that
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 09, 2023 11:26:17 AM Me

Cool. I’ll switch to that shortly

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Aug 09, 2023 11:26:36 AM Me

Applying to LOTS of opportunities

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Aug 09, 2023 11:28:24 AM Me

Was thinking you could take on more Upwork seeing you have a work history and are able to get a Projects. And depending on the project I could swing in do the work, and help find freelancers to sub work out to

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Aug 09, 2023 3:57:18 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Hey I have all of the tweaks done. Menu is working now!!!

Aug 10, 2023 9:02:13 AM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

Content @ Scale

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Aug 10, 2023 11:06:47 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

On the road about 1/3 the way there

Aug 10, 2023 11:07:18 AM Me

there? Where?

Aug 10, 2023 11:08:40 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 56 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Grand Teton National Park

Aug 10, 2023 11:09:45 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 55 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Camping 🏕️ for 3 days then Longmont to pickup furniture then back to new apartment

Aug 10, 2023 8:05:09 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 10, 2023 8:46:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool

Aug 12, 2023 10:45:33 AM Me

How goes it?

Aug 12, 2023 1:18:30 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Good - Sarah and Willow off for a horse ride

Aug 12, 2023 1:19:04 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Lilly and I are heading swimming

Aug 12, 2023 1:26:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool. Off on a walk around the island.

Aug 12, 2023 1:26:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Chores and applying to more jobs for me

Aug 12, 2023 1:32:27 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Been on the phone with Heidi (Des Moines) for the past few days. We’re just getting to know each other, but there is ALOT of attraction on both sides of the equation. We’re talking about seeing each other in the next few weeks, like flying one way or the other — we’ll see. I’m obviously not being foolish and running myself into something too quick. However, to have someone show and SAY to me that she’s got the hots for me. Its a little hard not to “feel” that on some level. Lots of awareness, communication, and questions. The both of us are feeling the same way, and we both shared that we both wanted to stay longer when we first met — but like I said we JUST MET and to go home with her, etc. would not be the same experience as this. I like this much better only for the fact I’m getting to know more about her personally and her life + background. Ok off to walk.

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Aug 13, 2023 10:20:28 AM Me

Howdy 🤠

Aug 13, 2023 10:20:53 AM Me

Today your last day in Jackson Hole?

Aug 13, 2023 10:20:53 AM Me

Wondering if you’re online tomorrow

Aug 13, 2023 11:05:18 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes and yes

Aug 13, 2023 11:05:18 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes and yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 13, 2023 11:05:27 AM Me

Cool

Aug 14, 2023 9:14:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know when ur online

Aug 14, 2023 10:32:52 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

It will be n and offf

Aug 14, 2023 10:33:15 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Is there something specific

Aug 15, 2023 8:54:37 AM Me

Howdy 🤠 Wondering how things are going

Aug 15, 2023 8:54:49 AM Me

You guys moving in yet?

Aug 15, 2023 8:55:23 AM Me

Oh was wondering about projects and if you heard back

Aug 15, 2023 8:57:37 AM Me

I got rejected by Trader Joe’s looking for work. They needed evenings and weekends, I offered and they said no thanks. AND they were advertising for that need and if you had artistic skills to draw signs that was a bonus. Still rejected WTF?!?

Aug 15, 2023 9:00:40 AM Me

Im behind on car payments and they’re “knocking on my door” Already borrowed 3k from my dad for bills and that’s gone. No room on any cards and my credit score is poor. Just feeling fucked over financially. Oh been on task rabbit and no luck on anything yet. Stress is large.

Aug 15, 2023 9:01:48 AM +13038752587

I can call you from the road. Driving back to Carbondale with moving truck. Around 12 your time

Aug 15, 2023 9:03:16 AM Me

no worries. Take care of yourself, the family and moving. I thought you might be stationary today.

Aug 15, 2023 10:58:21 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

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Aug 16, 2023 4:45:22 PM Me

Hey what’s up

Aug 16, 2023 4:54:39 PM Me

Darrell Have a question. I found a ticket for 289 round trip to Des Moines that puts me there the day Heidi gets back into town on Aug 29. Any chance you could front me 300 for work now and going forward? Like having 300$ credit with me. It would personally mean a lot to me more than just a loan. I want to be there on the 29th BADLY. It promises to be personally epic for both of us. We’ve been talking about it ALOT and this could be a serious pivot point for both of us. Attraction and feelings are mutual (and intense 😊) I’ve been on the phone with her every night. Yesterday for 5 hours, day before 4 hours, on and on. And it’s like no time goes by at all and we enjoy our talks and each other’s company immensely. We both want to explore our connection and see where it might take us. 😊 Let me know if it’s possible. Just venmo if you can. As always eternally grateful for all you’ve done for me, like helping me not checkout. I would never had met Heidi 😍 Thanks!

Aug 16, 2023 7:41:57 PM Me

You must be out of range

Aug 16, 2023 7:43:30 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Busy day - just in Carbondale picking up the last of our stuff

Aug 16, 2023 7:45:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Not sure if we have the funds right now. - is there something special about the 29th? I’ll need a day or two to see if it’s possible 🤞

Aug 16, 2023 7:47:01 PM Me

Cool. 29th is the day she gets back from dropping off her friend in Detroit short road trip with her friend

Aug 16, 2023 7:47:25 PM Me

She’s going to be on the road from the 22nd to the 28th and the idea was like flying on the 29th. Stay for a while.

Aug 16, 2023 7:49:46 PM Me

I’m behind on my car and 3 cards. Crickets with resume submissions. It feels grim… my prospects of not being able to afford moving back to CA and missing soccer ⚽️ season 😒

Aug 16, 2023 7:51:50 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

It will happen. You will return for soccer ⚽️

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Aug 17, 2023 11:57:13 AM Me

Hey there, How goes it today? Been on the phone with Heidi for over 17 hours over 4 days. Time melted, felt like barely any time passed. I had a meditation today that was profound. I’m suddenly finding Heidi as a catalyst in me growing beyond my current stagnant mindset. And I have to say I love it.

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Aug 17, 2023 12:33:44 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Unpacking

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Aug 17, 2023 12:57:05 PM Me

I’m headed to Starbucks to do some jobhunting. I’ll be around later tonight if you want to connect but I understand how damn busy you are. 🙂

Aug 18, 2023 9:49:09 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey

Aug 18, 2023 9:49:18 AM Me

whats shaking in CO today??

Aug 18, 2023 9:49:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You on the work train yet??

Aug 18, 2023 9:51:54 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

Aug 18, 2023 9:52:30 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

A bit unpacking this morning- I’ll be online for a few hours around 1 EST

Aug 18, 2023 10:09:10 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Cool

Aug 18, 2023 3:27:52 PM Me

She bought me a plane ticket

Aug 18, 2023 3:28:07 PM Me

I’m off to Iowa Aug 29th

Aug 18, 2023 3:28:20 PM Me

For a week

Aug 18, 2023 4:00:44 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

Aug 18, 2023 4:06:07 PM Me

This is for real

Aug 18, 2023 4:06:50 PM Me

Ridiculous synchronicity and synergy

Aug 18, 2023 4:07:18 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 40 seconds) +13038752587

You had coffee with her on the way through?

Aug 18, 2023 4:09:34 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Same person- yes

Aug 18, 2023 4:10:08 PM Me

Yes

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Aug 20, 2023 8:25:01 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

What’s happening with the weather in California. Heard there a hurricane 🌀 Is it near Ojai. My interest os almost non-existent

Aug 20, 2023 8:25:38 PM Me

Tropical Storm.

Aug 20, 2023 8:25:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And they had an Earthquake today

Aug 20, 2023 8:26:07 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

The Weather Channel

Aug 20, 2023 9:27:41 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

How did the boy handle it

Aug 20, 2023 9:27:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Aug 21, 2023 8:35:14 AM Me

Hey 👋

Aug 21, 2023 8:35:46 AM Me

Online today. Ping me if you k ow anything about projects 😊

Aug 21, 2023 11:20:33 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Will do - I have some backend functionality you can help with on provideo

Aug 21, 2023 11:05:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want an apt here:

Aug 21, 2023 11:05:49 AM (Read by them after 36 seconds) Me

Apartments.com

Aug 21, 2023 11:20:33 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Will do - I have some backend functionality you can help with on provideo
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2023 11:21:00 AM (Read by them after 16 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

Just sent email for updating cert on the website looks like it expired

Aug 21, 2023 11:24:43 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 14 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Will do - I have some backend functionality you can help with on provideo

Aug 21, 2023 11:38:32 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

What website?

Aug 21, 2023 11:54:40 AM Me

Pro vid

Aug 21, 2023 11:58:58 AM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Where did you sent an email

Aug 21, 2023 11:59:18 AM Me

Hotmail

Aug 21, 2023 11:59:31 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Aug 21, 2023 4:46:51 PM Me

Going to send you my new resume ideas 💡 tonight. Need to change it up.

Aug 21, 2023 4:47:16 PM Me

I’m 100 apps in and one interview

Aug 21, 2023 4:47:54 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

That’s sounds about right

Aug 21, 2023 4:48:02 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

When’s the interview

Aug 21, 2023 5:00:25 PM Me

Already happened

Aug 21, 2023 5:00:36 PM Me

Aquent

Aug 21, 2023 5:29:57 PM Me

1% return? Really?

Aug 21, 2023 5:38:47 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Yes -

Aug 21, 2023 5:39:02 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

You apps are not hitting people

Aug 21, 2023 5:39:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

That’s why changes on resume

Aug 21, 2023 5:39:36 PM +13038752587

Do you have a list of 10 companies you would love to work with

Aug 21, 2023 5:39:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Certainly could make a list

Aug 21, 2023 5:39:39 PM Me

You’ll see. I have multiple ideas to present

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Aug 21, 2023 5:39:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Certainly could make a list
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2023 5:40:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know where ur going with this

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Aug 21, 2023 5:40:37 PM +13038752587

Then you will want to do some networking- see if anyone you know has a connection

Aug 21, 2023 5:41:09 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Yep. I’m connected to over 600 ppl on liked in

Aug 21, 2023 5:41:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m 2 levels on lots of people\

Aug 22, 2023 1:34:52 PM Me

Hey there

Aug 22, 2023 1:34:56 PM Me

You working?

Aug 22, 2023 1:35:10 PM Me

Wondering about ProVid backend you mentioned.

Aug 22, 2023 1:35:33 PM Me

I fly to Iowa one week from today and will be there until the following Tuesday.

Aug 22, 2023 1:36:31 PM Me

So, that week I’ll largely be offline getting laid 😛

Aug 22, 2023 1:36:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Want to help you out before I go offline next week and I have time now.

Aug 22, 2023 1:37:25 PM Me

Had a recruiter reach out about an interactive designer position for an AI product they’re making. Replying and showing interest. Could be good.

Aug 22, 2023 1:37:38 PM Me

Also, check this out. You are going to LOVE this:

Aug 22, 2023 1:37:42 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.luminaries.ai/

Aug 22, 2023 1:37:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

World-class coaching, powered by AI Chat with a personalized team of digital experts, trained on real-world knowledge.

Aug 22, 2023 1:38:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Think Tony Robbins AI as your own personal version of him.

Aug 22, 2023 1:39:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oh found this too:

Aug 22, 2023 1:39:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

http://pdf.ai/

Aug 22, 2023 1:42:49 PM Me

This is company that reached out to me:

Aug 22, 2023 1:42:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

WaferWire

Aug 22, 2023 3:13:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just applied for this.

Aug 22, 2023 3:13:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.google.com/about/careers/applications/jobs/results/73095694778278598-ai-consultant-google-cloud?_gl=1*13nhpxf*_ga*MTUyOTU3MjQyNS4xNjkwNDA0MTI5*_ga_41NEC9ZD62*MTY5MjczODAxMC4xMS4xLjE2OTI3MzgwNTUuMC4wLjA

Aug 22, 2023 3:13:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

.

Aug 22, 2023 3:55:08 PM Me

Lots of apps out the door and had a recruiter reach out

Aug 23, 2023 8:30:08 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

How’s your knowledge of Mailchimp, trello, zapier

Aug 23, 2023 8:30:14 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Aug 23, 2023 8:39:18 AM Me

Hola 👋

Aug 23, 2023 8:39:34 AM Me

I know each one of the 3

Aug 23, 2023 8:46:32 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I’ll send you details in about one hour

Aug 23, 2023 8:46:44 AM Me

Awesome!

Aug 23, 2023 8:48:23 AM Me

6 days until Des Moines

Aug 23, 2023 8:48:36 AM Me

Resting up 🤣

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Aug 23, 2023 10:08:43 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

Loving this quote today. “If ever we shall sit down in Paradise in some little shady corner by ourselves; and if we shall by any means be able to smuggle a basket of champagne there (I won’t believe in a Temperance Heaven); and if we shall then cross our celestial legs in the celestial grass that is forever tropical, and strike our glasses and our heads together till both ring musically in concert: then, O my dear fellow mortal, how shall we pleasantly discourse of all the things manifold which now so much distress us.” Herman Melville

Aug 23, 2023 10:09:14 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Tree and Dons brother-in-law posted this today

Aug 23, 2023 10:11:03 AM Me

I like that

Aug 23, 2023 10:11:06 AM Me

Thx

Aug 23, 2023 11:43:30 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Just sent email for provideo

Aug 23, 2023 11:43:41 AM Me

Perfecto

Aug 23, 2023 11:43:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anything xtra I need to know?

Aug 23, 2023 11:44:01 AM +13038752587

You have a user account for the sg4 website

Reactions:

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Aug 23, 2023 11:44:33 AM Me

Oh, BTW, I sent 10 of the “Wait a damn minute” resumes out yesterday. Final version looks good

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Aug 23, 2023 11:44:47 AM +13038752587

Add a backup plugin to sg4 and back up it up please

Aug 23, 2023 11:45:00 AM Me

will do, first thing

Aug 23, 2023 11:45:18 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 33 seconds) +13038752587

In transit fir 25 mins

Aug 23, 2023 11:45:23 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Bb

Aug 23, 2023 11:46:58 AM Me

Ok

Aug 23, 2023 1:08:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This blog post from Seth Godin struck me—but not until the very ending. This is a truth we’re all nearly blind to.

Aug 23, 2023 1:08:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Aug 23, 2023 1:09:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is a thing you don’t know that you know. Just need the reminder, and this is one.

Aug 23, 2023 1:09:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😜

Aug 23, 2023 1:10:05 PM Me

choose wisely

Aug 23, 2023 1:20:16 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have the login for the Mailchimp account?

Aug 23, 2023 1:20:29 PM Me

I do not, can you send?

Aug 23, 2023 1:21:51 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I only have access to 5 via Siteground Admin

Aug 23, 2023 1:21:59 PM Me

Can you let me have access to 4?

Aug 23, 2023 1:22:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

That’s what you said, right?

Aug 23, 2023 1:23:57 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

Aug 23, 2023 1:22:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also, we should be using either slack or google chat rather than text messages for the work stuff

Aug 23, 2023 1:22:42 PM Me

I can set that up if you like

Reactions:

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Aug 23, 2023 1:23:15 PM Me

Once I have all the access I need (MC, SG, Trello, etc.) I can begin scaffolding and testing

Aug 23, 2023 1:23:57 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 23, 2023 1:24:21 PM +13038752587

Google

Aug 23, 2023 1:24:21 PM Me

K

Aug 23, 2023 1:24:27 PM Me

Got it

Aug 23, 2023 1:25:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Use this email

Aug 23, 2023 1:25:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

purplemtnmarketing@gmail.com

Aug 23, 2023 1:25:21 PM Me

I just posted to you

Aug 23, 2023 1:38:47 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 23, 2023 1:38:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sweet

Aug 23, 2023 1:39:32 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

You may need to reset it

Aug 23, 2023 2:52:08 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Usernames emailed

Aug 23, 2023 2:52:16 PM Me

Ok

Aug 23, 2023 2:52:23 PM +13038752587

I did not get anything on gmail

Aug 23, 2023 2:52:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Passwords coming here

Aug 23, 2023 2:52:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Aug 23, 2023 2:54:11 PM +13038752587

MC N1c@le345

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Aug 23, 2023 2:54:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI I just created a single column version of my resume. Something I read today said that AST (application screen and tracking) software scans resumes and then stores the data so recruiters can search on keyword etc. The guy who wrote the article said he had one interview for 100 apps. After changing format the number of interviews was like night and day. So going to use this new PDF file to submit and see what happens

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Aug 23, 2023 2:57:38 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Last pw is for Vimeo

Aug 23, 2023 2:57:59 PM Me

I only see MC

Aug 23, 2023 2:58:18 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

MC is MailChimpPVA2023!

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Aug 23, 2023 2:58:35 PM Me

Trello?

Aug 23, 2023 2:58:52 PM Me

And Zapier

Aug 23, 2023 2:59:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Zap is Videoads2022!

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Aug 23, 2023 2:59:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Brb

Aug 23, 2023 3:00:59 PM +13038752587 unsent a message.

Aug 23, 2023 3:01:39 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Trello PVAbiz2023!

Aug 23, 2023 4:01:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can’t reset my password on 5

Aug 23, 2023 4:01:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Professional Video Ads

Aug 23, 2023 4:01:23 PM Me

Never get the reset email

Aug 23, 2023 4:01:27 PM +13038752587

5 is jacked

Aug 23, 2023 4:01:38 PM Me

Ugh

Aug 23, 2023 4:01:43 PM +13038752587

We don’t need to access the backend though

Aug 23, 2023 4:01:44 PM Me

Been trying for 20 mins

Aug 23, 2023 4:02:24 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Elementor issue

Aug 23, 2023 4:02:26 PM Me

Check your email hotmail for the link to the chat

Aug 23, 2023 4:02:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So how to setup an integration when I can’t login and the site is jacked?

Aug 23, 2023 4:03:10 PM Me

Is there a clean, live, clone anywhere?

Aug 23, 2023 4:03:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I only have access to #4

Aug 23, 2023 4:03:37 PM +13038752587

5 for viewing

Aug 23, 2023 4:03:52 PM Me

Where do I work then?

Aug 23, 2023 4:03:55 PM +13038752587

4 is the site

Aug 23, 2023 4:04:04 PM Me

K

Aug 23, 2023 4:04:33 PM Me

Says it’s not secure. You have the cert working?

Aug 23, 2023 4:04:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yay! I’m in

Aug 23, 2023 4:05:15 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Access it it’s a safe site

Aug 23, 2023 4:05:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool

Aug 23, 2023 4:05:27 PM +13038752587

I am not getting any warnings

Aug 23, 2023 4:16:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Checkyour email for the new chat

Aug 23, 2023 4:19:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No user on MC named — multiroger

Aug 23, 2023 4:19:38 PM Me

wtf

Aug 23, 2023 4:20:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

feel like chasing my tail 🪡 Gonna go on my walk. I’ll try again when I get back. LMK on MC

Aug 23, 2023 5:41:48 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

MC username changed

Aug 23, 2023 5:41:51 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

It’s

Aug 23, 2023 5:42:24 PM +13038752587

professionalvideoads

Aug 23, 2023 5:42:27 PM Me

K

Aug 23, 2023 5:42:31 PM Me

Just back

Aug 23, 2023 5:42:38 PM Me

I’ll do a little bit after I shower

Aug 23, 2023 5:46:52 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

She needs to upgrade account for mailchimp- standby

Aug 23, 2023 5:47:17 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Might be worth a quick talk through minimum requirements

Aug 24, 2023 10:17:05 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Aug 24, 2023 10:18:36 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

MC is all set to add customer journeys 1. 50% off code

Aug 24, 2023 10:18:54 AM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

I did not get a link via email for Google

Aug 24, 2023 11:04:36 AM Me

K

Aug 24, 2023 11:04:51 AM Me

Just back from running errands and getting online right now to Dial all of this in

Reactions:

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Aug 24, 2023 11:09:16 AM Me

SMS for MC needed

Reactions:

Questioned by +13038752587

Aug 24, 2023 11:10:00 AM Me

Code

Aug 24, 2023 11:10:14 AM Me

Trying to sign in

Aug 24, 2023 11:11:45 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ok - she will send it

Aug 24, 2023 11:11:45 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ok - she will send it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 24, 2023 11:11:55 AM Me

cool

Aug 24, 2023 11:12:02 AM Me

I’m logged in on Trello and Vimeo

Aug 24, 2023 11:12:59 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Should not need Vimeo for anything right now

Aug 24, 2023 11:15:57 AM +13038752587

369126

Aug 24, 2023 11:17:16 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did it work

Aug 24, 2023 11:19:30 AM Me

Took forever but looks like I’m on in

Aug 24, 2023 11:19:34 AM Me

Yes

Aug 24, 2023 11:20:00 AM Me

OK, can you change to google chat?

Aug 24, 2023 11:20:05 AM Me

I created a space and emailed you

Aug 24, 2023 11:25:58 AM +13038752587

What email

Aug 24, 2023 11:30:44 AM Me

Your Hotmail

Aug 24, 2023 11:31:05 AM Me

Are you online? Are you working right now? I won’t bug you if you are not working.

Aug 24, 2023 11:31:49 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - I’m available

Aug 24, 2023 11:32:08 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

No emails from you or Google chat

Aug 24, 2023 11:33:43 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Stepping away for 15m

Aug 24, 2023 11:34:50 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Fchat.google.com%2Froom%2FAAAAqlufa2Q%3Fcls%3D7&hl=en_US&ifkv=AXo7B7Xm1uNuG-n0uFfT9mEESLhtsrC1FUOradf4dzZN98TYszyPsLEUwrN6JIr_xAG8Gl4jj2ck&rip=1&sacu=1&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S-1543197144%3A1692898489254394

Aug 24, 2023 11:35:46 AM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

I did - nothing there - I’ll try again when o get back

Aug 24, 2023 11:52:44 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Here is what I see

Aug 24, 2023 11:53:45 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 24, 2023 11:58:49 AM Me

K, was on the phone

Aug 24, 2023 11:59:15 AM Me

What email are you signed in with when you see that screen??

Aug 24, 2023 11:59:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll add that to this space

Aug 24, 2023 12:00:19 PM Me

Also I just @fdrboulder@hotmail.com in the space inside the thread.

Aug 24, 2023 12:04:54 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 26 seconds) +13038752587

FDR

Aug 24, 2023 12:06:14 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Checking in a moment

Aug 24, 2023 12:06:30 PM Me

Ok

Aug 24, 2023 12:06:43 PM Me

Its in spaces, not chat

Aug 24, 2023 12:06:54 PM Me

Darrell+Bert (space)

Aug 24, 2023 12:07:10 PM Me

Brb

Aug 24, 2023 2:34:17 PM Me

Hey there, question for you from my mom. What is your mom’s cocktail? Does she like Jen? Vodka? And if so, do you happen to know which brand thanks.

Aug 24, 2023 2:35:12 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

White wine usually

Aug 24, 2023 2:38:39 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

“J” is the brand - I think the have a white blend

Aug 24, 2023 2:38:51 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Lemon drops for cocktails

Aug 24, 2023 2:39:45 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

I think she likes Jen 🤣 you’ll have to ask her hehe

Aug 24, 2023 5:21:55 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 24, 2023 5:22:04 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

A little stormy ⛈️ over Sopris

Aug 24, 2023 5:32:54 PM Me

Rain here

Aug 24, 2023 5:33:02 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Internet slow - may have to wait until I’m home in about 45

Aug 24, 2023 5:33:30 PM Me

K

Aug 24, 2023 6:45:05 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 27, 2023 7:52:38 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

YouTube

Aug 27, 2023 7:52:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

🤯

Aug 27, 2023 7:54:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is a game changer for me personally. Will allow me to totally focus on meeting conversation and not pause my brain so I can finish a note. Plus the older I get the more cumbersome it is to do it old school.

Aug 27, 2023 7:55:23 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Plus, Thomas’ tut’s are AMAZING. This guy is the best video tutorial guy I’ve seen. To the point, full of info, no bullshit, smart, quick, all the resources listed in notes. Brilliant dude

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Aug 27, 2023 8:42:27 AM Me

You would love his ultimate brain in notion using Tiago Forte’s PARA principles. (Projects, Areas, Resources, Archive)

Aug 27, 2023 9:24:54 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Where are we on the provideo project?

Aug 27, 2023 11:02:24 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Sent with Normal effect

🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🤗🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌮🌶️🤩🌀🏡👋👋😎🥺😀🥳🥺🥺🥺😄😎🤪🚀👋🤣🤪

Aug 27, 2023 11:04:51 AM Me

Hahaha

Aug 27, 2023 12:26:21 PM (Read by you after 19 hours, 5 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Willow got my phone

Aug 28, 2023 8:24:34 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

What time do you leave for airport?

Aug 28, 2023 8:58:14 PM Me

In an hour

Aug 28, 2023 9:11:05 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - where exactly in Des Moines are you heading?

Aug 28, 2023 9:20:07 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Did you say that your flight ✈️ is at 6am?

Aug 28, 2023 9:21:19 PM Me

6:15am

Aug 28, 2023 9:21:38 PM Me

I’d rather go now and sleep at the airport then wake up at 4:30 in the morning

Aug 28, 2023 9:22:22 PM +13038752587

How long is the flight?

Aug 28, 2023 9:22:36 PM Me

5

Aug 28, 2023 9:23:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Where are you connecting through? Long layover

Aug 28, 2023 9:23:32 PM Me

Chicago

Aug 28, 2023 9:25:09 PM Me

Is this the inquisition?

Reactions:

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Aug 28, 2023 9:25:43 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 20 seconds) +13038752587

No - just curious 👀

Aug 28, 2023 9:26:49 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

I had issues with getting paypal setup so adding Stripe so we can test order flow

Aug 28, 2023 9:27:06 PM Me

Cool

Aug 28, 2023 9:27:08 PM +13038752587

Should have it online tomorrow.

Aug 28, 2023 9:27:13 PM Me

Cool

Aug 28, 2023 9:28:04 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll ping you when it’s active. If you have time during travel you can test things

Aug 28, 2023 9:28:14 PM Me

Ok

Aug 29, 2023 8:43:09 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Just got kids to school Off to pick up a couch

Aug 29, 2023 8:43:34 AM Me

Wasn’t that yesterday?

Aug 29, 2023 8:53:20 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Another one today

Aug 29, 2023 8:53:27 AM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

Are you on the plane

Aug 29, 2023 8:53:37 AM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

Or on layover

Aug 29, 2023 8:54:43 AM Me

On plane about to take off to Des Moines

Aug 29, 2023 8:56:08 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Are you excited?

Aug 29, 2023 8:55:11 AM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Aug 29, 2023 8:55:16 AM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Couch from yesterday trip

Aug 29, 2023 8:55:31 AM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

West elm

Aug 29, 2023 8:55:46 AM +13038752587

Heading to get a chaise lounge today

Aug 29, 2023 8:56:08 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Are you excited?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 29, 2023 8:56:23 AM Me

Ah… yes

Aug 29, 2023 8:57:18 AM Me

Im interested to see where this goes

Aug 29, 2023 8:57:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

One moment at a time

Aug 29, 2023 8:57:47 AM Me

Yeah I know

Aug 29, 2023 8:58:05 AM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

Enjoy the adventure of getting to know someone new

Aug 29, 2023 9:00:34 AM Me

I know, that’s fun and exciting. I just can’t believe that this is happening. Didn’t think I’d fly out one month since meeting ONCE for breakfast.

Aug 29, 2023 9:03:36 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I know! However, you have put in the time talking to each other.

Aug 29, 2023 9:02:03 AM Me

It’s feels like it’s moving fast, but we’ve already talked about how fast things move etc

Aug 29, 2023 9:02:30 AM Me

We’ve been more transparent than I ever was with Liz

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Aug 29, 2023 9:03:36 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I know! However, you have put in the time talking to each other.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 29, 2023 9:04:05 AM Me

We spent over 24 hours on the phone over 6 days

Aug 29, 2023 9:04:22 AM +13038752587

Wowza - and Awesome

Aug 29, 2023 9:04:29 AM Me

And we both felt like no time had passed

Aug 29, 2023 9:04:40 AM Me

5 hours on the phone felt like 1

Aug 29, 2023 9:04:46 AM Me

For both of us

Aug 29, 2023 9:05:34 AM Me

We have ALOT of synchronicity with experience and where we’re both at in our lives

Aug 29, 2023 9:06:12 AM Me

Ok, taking off in a few. Ping me later

Aug 29, 2023 9:06:43 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Safe travels

Aug 29, 2023 9:14:07 AM Me

Thx!

Aug 30, 2023 10:27:55 AM Me

Hey there, how is Wednesday treating you?

Aug 30, 2023 12:55:25 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Hi - getting better at routine 🗓️

Aug 30, 2023 10:33:41 AM Me

I will have some time today to work.

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Aug 30, 2023 12:55:49 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I’ll have some things

Aug 30, 2023 12:56:09 PM ⇲ +13038752587

When will you be available

Aug 30, 2023 10:34:49 AM Me

Have you advanced the trello workflow at all? Is the store ready to test with stripe? What’s the fake Cc # to use with the test??

Aug 30, 2023 12:56:20 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Not yet

Aug 30, 2023 10:35:32 AM Me

I will have a few hours each day to some stuff so send things my way if u need help 😁

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Aug 30, 2023 10:35:57 AM Me

I could get Trello done today if the store is working

Aug 30, 2023 10:46:33 AM Me

Btw, SO MUCH CHANGE IS GOING ON REAL TIME for me since I arrived yesterday. It’s both overwhelming and joyful. Heidi is VERY into me, and honestly I’ve never had someone be so expressive about their feelings and attraction to me. On one hand absolutely love it, and the internalized critic is telling me I’m not worthy of this attention, “who the fuck are you thinking you deserve this?” I’m fighting myself in my mind about being here. Feels fucked up, and I’ve shared it with Heidi. She is SO UNDERSTANDING and tells me to relax and not worry. That helps so much, to communicate and receive her understanding. I’ve forgotten how this feels. And being here brings on the realization that I was not in a relationship but a self imposed prison of my own making. I was willing to stay in my marriage because 1. I admit failure otherwise 2. I was afraid of life without wife/family 3. My evil side was happy I was miserable in my marriage, I was providing maximum mental anguish to myself thru it and subconsciously winning at suffering. 4. I believed there was nothing but a lifetime of aloneness on the other side.

Aug 30, 2023 10:50:12 AM Me

I’m now working real time on allowing myself to be ok and relaxed being here and being showered with love and affection. Heidi told me that yesterday while I took a short nap she was touching me and I would recoil and pull back, all done unconsciously. I didn’t know I did that until she told me after I woke up. Makes sense to me. Part of me deep down is afraid of opening up and getting hurt. That’s a good thing because it keeps me tethered to reality.

Aug 30, 2023 10:50:44 AM Me

And not run off to Las Vegas and elope via Elvis the pastor 🤣🤣🤣

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Aug 30, 2023 12:55:25 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Hi - getting better at routine 🗓️
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 30, 2023 12:55:49 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I’ll have some things
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 30, 2023 12:56:09 PM ⇱ +13038752587

When will you be available
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 30, 2023 12:56:20 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Not yet
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 31, 2023 8:50:10 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 47 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning ☀️ What time are you online today?

Aug 31, 2023 12:37:49 PM (Read by you after 1 day, 1 hour, 5 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning ☀️ What time are you online today?

Aug 31, 2023 12:42:36 PM Me

Hey there! Been between the sheets since Tuesday and heading outside today. I’ll be back later this afternoon. I’m in a state of bliss

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Sep 01, 2023 11:38:15 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Stripe is set up - it prompts you with test info. Are you available to work on this today?

Sep 01, 2023 12:02:10 PM Me

Yes!

Sep 01, 2023 12:02:39 PM Me

Heading to Starbucks in about 30mins. I’ll be there for about 2 hours.

Sep 01, 2023 12:03:00 PM Me

I should be able to get things sorted out

Sep 01, 2023 12:27:42 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Text me if you need anything

Sep 01, 2023 1:00:00 PM Me

Ok

Sep 01, 2023 1:00:07 PM Me

Just got to Starbucks

Reactions:

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Sep 01, 2023 1:43:06 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Some new resources

Sep 01, 2023 1:43:07 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

https://skills.ai/analytics/?utm_source=www.joinsuperhuman.ai&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=tesla-s-300million-ai-supercomputer

Sep 01, 2023 1:43:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.getprops.ai/?utm_source=www.joinsuperhuman.ai&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=tesla-s-300million-ai-supercomputer

Sep 01, 2023 1:43:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://durable.co/?utm_source=NewsletterAd&utm_campaign=SuperHuman&utm_medium=Email&utm_term=SuperHuman

Sep 01, 2023 1:43:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.codeai.studio/?utm_source=www.joinsuperhuman.ai&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=linkedin-21x-increase-in-jobs-mentioning-chatgpt

Sep 01, 2023 1:50:22 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I’ll Check them out

Sep 01, 2023 1:50:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m in sg4

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Sep 01, 2023 1:50:37 PM Me

Just FYI

Sep 01, 2023 2:18:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Important piece of info for you to keep somewhere. Its used with my bert.mahoney@gmail.com

Sep 01, 2023 2:21:47 PM Me

Looks like we need this:

Sep 01, 2023 2:21:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

WooCommerce

Sep 01, 2023 2:22:10 PM Me

6.59 a month

Sep 01, 2023 2:22:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

$79 annucally

Sep 01, 2023 2:26:23 PM Me

Hold up. I may be able to trigger off of stripe instead of Woo

Sep 01, 2023 2:26:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do you have a login for Pro Video to the Stripe website??

Sep 01, 2023 2:27:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m only here for 30 mins or less. Whenever my ride comes by

Sep 01, 2023 2:29:01 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Sep 01, 2023 2:29:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool

Sep 01, 2023 2:29:16 PM +13038752587

What about the wpzap plugin

Sep 01, 2023 2:31:45 PM Me

checking

Sep 01, 2023 2:37:10 PM Me

I dont see that plugin

Sep 01, 2023 2:37:29 PM Me

Not even in the WP plying directory

Sep 01, 2023 2:39:19 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Hold on I’ll check sP5

Sep 01, 2023 2:43:11 PM Me

Ok

Sep 01, 2023 2:43:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont see a “free” way to connect the two

Sep 01, 2023 2:44:17 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

I wonder where it went - I have a link to it through sg5 but it want open

Sep 01, 2023 2:44:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You dont have original developers site??

Sep 01, 2023 2:45:43 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

That was what was in digital ocean - which is what sg5 should be a copy of

Sep 01, 2023 2:47:00 PM +13038752587

Just tried to call you

Sep 01, 2023 2:47:14 PM Me

Phone is set to no calls

Sep 01, 2023 2:47:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

In Starbucks

Sep 01, 2023 2:48:02 PM +13038752587

So the zap won’t work

Sep 01, 2023 2:48:36 PM +13038752587

App is called webhooks by zapier

Sep 01, 2023 2:48:37 PM Me

No, not without purchase of a plugin subscription. When I go to Woo or Zapier they both point me the same way

Sep 01, 2023 2:49:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Zapier

Sep 01, 2023 2:50:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

WooCommerce

Sep 01, 2023 2:52:16 PM Me

The “other” way to do it would be to code your own way through the API’s and spec out the passing of the data and building of the cards in trello — FAR more work than using this plugin

Sep 01, 2023 2:53:19 PM Me

The 6.50 / mo OR $79 annual are the same price

Sep 01, 2023 2:53:28 PM Me

No advantage to annual subscription

Sep 01, 2023 2:54:56 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Working on something- let’s see if it works

Sep 01, 2023 3:02:56 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Did you add the custom wp zapier plugin

Sep 01, 2023 3:06:46 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll have her get the plugin

Sep 01, 2023 3:06:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Sep 01, 2023 3:07:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sit tight then until we have it

Sep 01, 2023 3:07:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Once we do it should be less than another 30 minutes of work

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Sep 01, 2023 3:07:37 PM +13038752587

Switching gears

Sep 01, 2023 3:08:34 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Beyond bora bora I added buttons in the destination page can you get them all the same size or better?

Sep 01, 2023 3:08:51 PM Me

Sure. Is that on live site?

Sep 01, 2023 3:08:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Can you send URL?

Sep 01, 2023 3:08:59 PM +13038752587

Yes

Sep 01, 2023 3:09:40 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

They look ok in mobile but not desktop

Sep 01, 2023 3:09:44 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Beyond Bora Bora

Sep 01, 2023 3:31:28 PM (Read by them after 14 minutes, 58 seconds) Me

Still working on buttons but changing locations now.

Sep 01, 2023 3:31:34 PM (Read by them after 14 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

I’ll ping when they’re done.

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Sep 02, 2023 8:52:52 AM Me

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Sep 02, 2023 8:53:51 AM Me

Buttons are done

Reactions:

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Sep 02, 2023 8:54:04 AM Me

Let me know if they’re good

Sep 02, 2023 8:54:56 AM Me

Also let me know when you have plug-in and I can keep going on pro video

Sep 02, 2023 8:55:12 AM Me

Have more bandwidth if u need me

Sep 02, 2023 9:07:14 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 40 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

So the zap was for the onboarding form and not the order from woo

Sep 02, 2023 9:07:35 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 40 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

We should be able to do it with webhooks

Sep 02, 2023 12:48:51 PM ⇲ Me

Need plugin to use web hooks with woo and zapper

Sep 02, 2023 9:09:19 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 38 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Flow - checkout - then go complete your order input form (this is what gets zapped to Trello

Sep 02, 2023 9:09:51 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 37 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

We need to build form in a builder that we can connect to zapier through a webhook.

Sep 02, 2023 9:10:22 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 37 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

May be able to do it with mailchimp

Sep 02, 2023 12:48:51 PM ⇱ Me

Need plugin to use web hooks with woo and zapper
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 02, 2023 1:19:09 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Not using woo with zapier

Sep 02, 2023 1:20:08 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Im started to build form in mailchimp which we can embed in website and use a webhook to create trello card

Sep 02, 2023 1:20:24 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Are you online now

Sep 02, 2023 1:20:26 PM Me

That seems like a kludge

Sep 02, 2023 1:20:29 PM Me

Yes

Sep 02, 2023 1:21:32 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

The info we need is not coming from woo for trello - elementors form build has this all built in

Sep 02, 2023 1:22:01 PM Me

Where do elementor form data get stored?

Sep 02, 2023 1:22:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

We could put elementor form into divi -

Sep 02, 2023 1:22:37 PM Me

That’s a recipe for bad things

Sep 02, 2023 1:22:52 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I think so too

Sep 02, 2023 1:22:41 PM +13038752587

Elementor sends it to trello and Mailchimp

Sep 02, 2023 1:22:52 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I think so too
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 02, 2023 1:23:18 PM Me

So someone signs up for the coupon.

Sep 02, 2023 1:23:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You want that to go to troll

Sep 02, 2023 1:23:35 PM Me

You also want order information to go to Trello

Sep 02, 2023 1:23:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Not exactly

Sep 02, 2023 1:24:03 PM Me

But order info DOESNT come from Woo (how the fuck that is going to happen is beyond me at the moment.)

Sep 02, 2023 1:24:20 PM +13038752587

Can you talk in the phone

Sep 02, 2023 1:24:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not at moment. Next to someone napping 😊

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Sep 02, 2023 1:25:08 PM Me

I’m now lost on what has to happen

Sep 02, 2023 1:25:12 PM +13038752587

Customer flow

Sep 02, 2023 1:25:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2 forms?

Sep 02, 2023 1:25:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

1 form?

Sep 02, 2023 1:25:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I will text it

Sep 02, 2023 1:25:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Sep 02, 2023 1:25:52 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Need to do something first -BB in 10

Sep 02, 2023 1:28:07 PM Me

k

Sep 02, 2023 1:47:06 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

1. Potential customer opts in for discount code 2. They shop the site and pick a package 3. They pay for the package-woo emails triggered 4. After purchase they go to order details form(Mailchimp) once this is submitted it will trigger Zapier from Mailchimp webhook to build Trello card 2 forms

Sep 02, 2023 1:56:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok 2 forms

Sep 02, 2023 1:56:21 PM Me

1 zap

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Sep 02, 2023 1:56:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How do they get to order details from? (Data to go to Trello)

Sep 02, 2023 1:58:57 PM +13038752587

We add a webhook to mail chimp

Sep 02, 2023 1:59:30 PM +13038752587

Then the zap pulls the info from Mailchimp to Trello

Sep 02, 2023 1:59:51 PM Me

Ok, where is mail chimp form>

Sep 02, 2023 1:59:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

?

Sep 02, 2023 2:00:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do you know you can capture all data types you need with order details using MC’s form tools?

Sep 02, 2023 2:01:34 PM ⇲ +13038752587

We have to add about 4 more inputs for Mailchimp

Sep 02, 2023 2:00:24 PM +13038752587

I started to create it under embedded forms

Sep 02, 2023 2:00:45 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

We could technically create a second audience called customers

Sep 02, 2023 2:00:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes

Sep 02, 2023 2:00:58 PM Me

I would suggest doing that

Sep 02, 2023 2:01:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

People can be in both groups

Sep 02, 2023 2:01:34 PM ⇱ +13038752587

We have to add about 4 more inputs for Mailchimp
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 02, 2023 2:01:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Sep 02, 2023 2:01:56 PM Me

Do you want to finish form since you’re already at it?

Sep 02, 2023 2:02:21 PM +13038752587

Yes

Sep 02, 2023 2:02:43 PM Me

I can look at MC to Trello via Zapier

Sep 02, 2023 2:02:52 PM Me

That right?

Sep 02, 2023 2:03:09 PM +13038752587

Putting together new bid for mygig project then I’ll complete form

Sep 02, 2023 2:03:18 PM Me

Ok

Sep 02, 2023 2:03:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What time zone are you in?

Sep 02, 2023 2:03:45 PM Me

Central

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Sep 02, 2023 2:03:53 PM Me

3:03 here

Sep 02, 2023 2:04:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m in farm country 😊

Sep 02, 2023 2:56:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/signup

Sep 02, 2023 2:56:26 PM Me

A comment I put on a LI post

Sep 02, 2023 3:27:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I dont see form submission as a MailChimp trigger in Zapier

Sep 02, 2023 3:59:08 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Let me review

Sep 02, 2023 4:55:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can take another look later. Making dinner @ Heidis home.

Sep 02, 2023 7:29:12 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Form complete Zap complete

Sep 02, 2023 7:30:25 PM Me

Ok

Sep 02, 2023 7:30:34 PM Me

So is it working?

Sep 02, 2023 7:30:42 PM Me

Should I test?

Sep 02, 2023 7:30:45 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

After the user checks out, we need them to go the order details page. That’s it then the website is complete

Sep 02, 2023 7:30:56 PM +13038752587

Yes - working

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Sep 02, 2023 7:31:00 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Yes test

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Sep 02, 2023 7:31:26 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 02, 2023 7:31:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Page to test zap

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Sep 02, 2023 7:33:35 PM Me

Watching a movie now. Will do after

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Sep 03, 2023 10:12:11 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey there, Testing the form Everything is functional from what I can see so far. The confirmation message is lost as you can see in the screen cap. Let me know what you want to do there. I can fix it and make it more prominent by using the alert or notice dialog

Sep 03, 2023 10:17:57 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

COOL. My new order created a new card in Trello. This is ready to rock and roll !!

Sep 03, 2023 10:25:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I did some custom CSS in Divi options and saved it. The Notifications in form look MUCH BETTER. Let me know what you think.

Sep 03, 2023 10:25:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, should I send you my time on both projects now? Or might there be more to do?

Sep 03, 2023 10:39:23 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

A bit more to do on Provideo

Sep 03, 2023 10:39:40 AM Me

Cool LMK

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Sep 03, 2023 11:01:47 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ll likely be headed out to the museum soon for the afternoon

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Sep 03, 2023 11:24:13 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes) +13038752587

I in kid patrol until this afternoon

Sep 03, 2023 11:28:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Sep 04, 2023 11:23:45 AM Me

Any updates??

Sep 04, 2023 11:23:55 AM Me

How goes the weekend?

Sep 04, 2023 11:24:59 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

No busy with the girls I’m solo today

Sep 04, 2023 11:25:39 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Whe. Do you head back to NY

Sep 04, 2023 11:25:49 AM Me

Tomorrow at 3pm

Sep 04, 2023 11:26:11 AM Me

Tomorrow is a lost day sort of.

Sep 04, 2023 11:38:46 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 04, 2023 11:38:51 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

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Sep 04, 2023 11:42:34 AM Me

Do you think you might have an update for me later today? Or will it come tomorrow?

Sep 04, 2023 11:42:36 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

It’s a mural contest - one will go on a building here in Basalt

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Sep 04, 2023 11:42:45 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sep 04, 2023 11:44:57 AM Me

Have had a great week here. Heidi and I are definitely into each other big time. This relationship will continue 😁

Sep 04, 2023 11:45:26 AM Me

She’s planning on driving west with me so you’ll get to meet her.

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Sep 04, 2023 11:46:16 AM ⇲ +13038752587

West to California?

Sep 04, 2023 11:45:36 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Later today - we need to change the staging site to Professionalvidoeads.com. Then migrate to her hosting

Sep 04, 2023 12:51:38 PM ⇲ Me

Is there a specific time I should wait until?

Sep 04, 2023 11:46:16 AM ⇱ +13038752587

West to California?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 04, 2023 11:46:23 AM Me

Yes

Sep 04, 2023 11:46:46 AM Me

She has air b n b for 6 weeks in Burbank

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Sep 04, 2023 11:47:13 AM Me

Until end of November

Sep 04, 2023 11:47:30 AM +13038752587

How far is that from Ojai

Sep 04, 2023 11:47:46 AM Me

Too far to be practical 😣

Sep 04, 2023 11:47:58 AM Me

Plan is to find an apartment in Ventura before the Airbnb is done

Sep 04, 2023 11:48:07 AM Me

Preferably walking distance to the beach

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Sep 04, 2023 11:48:31 AM +13038752587

Does she have a house in Des Moines?

Sep 04, 2023 11:51:06 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Too

Sep 04, 2023 11:51:18 AM Me

No, just apt. Plan is to stay in CA until darragh graduates and then decide where we want to go and what we want to do We’re not going to run out and get married 🤣 at least not for a good long while. Neither of us wants that right away. We’re very happy and wanting the same right now

Sep 04, 2023 11:51:42 AM Me

We’re going with the flow

Sep 04, 2023 11:52:11 AM Me

And have to say it’s incredible to be in a relationship with somebody who has awareness and understands what it takes to make a relationship not just survive but thrive

Sep 04, 2023 11:52:31 AM Me

The openness in communication out of the gate it’s like nothing else I’ve ever experienced

Sep 04, 2023 11:53:23 AM Me

Now I just need to work out my employment/money making deal

Sep 04, 2023 11:57:25 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

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Sep 04, 2023 12:51:38 PM ⇱ Me

Is there a specific time I should wait until?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 04, 2023 3:05:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://prompteasy.co/

Sep 04, 2023 3:12:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Aadit's Notion on Notion

Sep 04, 2023 4:24:52 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 14 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll add them to the list

Sep 04, 2023 4:25:09 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 13 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be home an online @ 5:30

Sep 04, 2023 7:40:08 PM Me

Hey 👋 I’m back at Heidi’s and wiped out. 😴 Is the site ready?

Sep 04, 2023 7:42:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

No - just getting to my computer- need to go help with bedtime

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Sep 04, 2023 7:45:51 PM ⇲ Me

That’s right. Tomorrow is school day

Sep 04, 2023 7:43:02 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Enjoy your last night - we can pick up tomorrow night or Wednesday

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Sep 04, 2023 7:45:51 PM ⇱ Me

That’s right. Tomorrow is school day
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2023 11:58:21 AM Me

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Happy Tuesday About to start my trip back So inspired and motivated

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Sep 06, 2023 8:48:00 AM Me

Back from my run and cooling off. Showering and then online.

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Sep 06, 2023 8:48:14 AM Me

Today is my mom’s birthday 🥳

Sep 06, 2023 8:54:14 AM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll ping you when I get online - about 11:30 your time

Sep 06, 2023 8:55:09 AM Me

Ok

Sep 06, 2023 9:06:23 AM Me

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Sep 06, 2023 11:03:17 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

I created a child’s theme for PVA I made an edit to the functions php. Thus the reason for a child’s theme

Sep 06, 2023 11:11:39 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

I noticed the time 😀

Sep 06, 2023 11:53:39 AM Me

Sweet!

Sep 06, 2023 11:54:13 AM Me

I've been sitting with my mom a bit catching up. I also gave her her birthday present. Getting online now for a good chunk of time in me win we're ready to move.

Sep 06, 2023 12:39:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

SO with the child theme is this thing ready to rock and roll?

Sep 06, 2023 12:39:52 PM Me

Can I move it over?>

Sep 06, 2023 12:50:58 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

It is - going to have her test it. Then we can move it over.

Sep 06, 2023 12:51:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OK

Sep 06, 2023 12:51:28 PM Me

Anything else at the moment?

Sep 06, 2023 1:01:29 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Not right now. I expect her to give the go ahead later today

Sep 06, 2023 1:52:03 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

How do I turn back on the popup

Sep 06, 2023 2:18:19 PM Me

Mail chimp

Sep 06, 2023 2:18:40 PM Me

Mowing the lawn right now

Sep 07, 2023 8:07:12 AM Me

Good morning ☀️ Let me know about the website 😊

Sep 07, 2023 9:21:57 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Will do

Sep 07, 2023 9:22:03 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Be online soon

Sep 07, 2023 9:29:36 AM Me

Headed to local Starbucks Need change of environment Too easy to slack at apt

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Sep 07, 2023 9:58:01 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Im tweaking some detail information on the website. I’ll update you in a bit. On networking call till 1 EST

Sep 07, 2023 10:39:22 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m online at Starbucks for a good chunk of time, perhaps 4

Sep 07, 2023 10:51:50 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

HDC

Sep 07, 2023 11:04:51 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

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Sep 07, 2023 5:25:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did you get my notion emails that shared the scope??

Sep 07, 2023 6:14:55 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Only saw - migrate the website on notion

Sep 07, 2023 6:19:12 PM Me

There are lots of to dos. Need to find the task list inside there

Sep 08, 2023 11:33:32 AM Me

Super sick. Came on last night. Sweats all night

Sep 08, 2023 11:36:58 AM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Bummer - did you test for Covid - it been popping up lately Deidre, my Dad, a good friend here in Colorado, JJs boyfriend

Sep 08, 2023 11:38:07 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Or are the sleepless nights from Des Moines catching up 😉

Sep 08, 2023 12:17:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Haha

Sep 08, 2023 12:17:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

right

Sep 08, 2023 12:17:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This is more than fatigue for sure. Haven’t felt sick like this in a long time.

Sep 08, 2023 12:17:41 PM Me

I still have my sense of smell

Sep 08, 2023 12:17:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, were you able to see the Notion task list?

Sep 08, 2023 12:36:02 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 08, 2023 4:31:33 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 21 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Site is renamed - messed up image urls and some woocommerce buttons. If you’re feeling better tomorrow, you can clean it up. If not I will. Get some sleep and feel better soon.

Sep 09, 2023 11:23:29 AM ⇲ Me

Did you clean it up?

Sep 08, 2023 4:31:52 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 21 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Then we will be migrating to Host Gator 🐊

Sep 09, 2023 8:53:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, Been up for an hour. Slept last 40 of 48 hours

Sep 09, 2023 8:53:46 AM Me

Still not 100, but better than 50%

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Sep 09, 2023 11:23:29 AM ⇱ Me

Did you clean it up?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 09, 2023 11:32:27 AM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

No

Sep 09, 2023 11:32:41 AM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

At bday party with the girls Niwot

Sep 09, 2023 11:32:44 AM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Now

Sep 09, 2023 11:33:09 AM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Are you feeling up for it?

Sep 09, 2023 12:31:00 PM Me

Hey

Sep 09, 2023 12:31:41 PM Me

Just off the phone with Heidi. Showering and then online. I’ll take a look 👀

Sep 09, 2023 12:58:59 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

You may need to reset password Professionalvideoads.com/wp-admin

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Sep 09, 2023 2:00:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

mobile version

Sep 09, 2023 2:00:41 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 09, 2023 2:01:20 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Notice the “e” in the button-

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Sep 10, 2023 11:15:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola. I tried resetting the password, but it won’t let me see the reset page. I get the maintenance page again

Sep 10, 2023 1:32:35 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I will do it

Sep 10, 2023 1:32:48 PM Me

Cool

Sep 10, 2023 1:32:52 PM Me

I’m here now

Sep 10, 2023 1:33:56 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 10, 2023 1:34:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Grazi!

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Sep 10, 2023 1:53:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

In

Sep 10, 2023 2:18:40 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 10, 2023 2:37:44 PM (Read by them after 15 seconds) Me

Pinged you. Have another look

Sep 10, 2023 2:37:48 PM (Read by them after 52 seconds) Me

Should be fixed

Sep 10, 2023 2:38:35 PM Me

Going to meditate a bit so I’ll be offline for a bit.

Sep 10, 2023 2:39:10 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Sep 10, 2023 2:39:29 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it all out including functionality

Sep 10, 2023 2:39:38 PM Me

Ok

Sep 10, 2023 2:39:46 PM Me

This still on Siteground?

Sep 10, 2023 2:40:10 PM +13038752587

Yes - I have host gator 🐊 info to migrate it

Sep 10, 2023 2:40:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool

Sep 10, 2023 2:40:35 PM +13038752587

Text me when your back and we can wrap it up today

Sep 10, 2023 2:40:36 PM Me

Can put in google space.

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Sep 10, 2023 2:40:44 PM Me

Safer

Sep 10, 2023 2:40:53 PM Me

k

Sep 11, 2023 8:13:48 AM Me

Good morning, when you get online, let me know when I should start pushing things to host gator, and what the credentials are

Sep 12, 2023 7:36:59 AM Me

Happy Birthday 🎂
Sent with Fireworks

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Sep 12, 2023 7:37:19 AM Me

Hope you have a good day!

Sep 12, 2023 8:16:18 AM Me

You working or offline for birthday?

Sep 12, 2023 8:16:29 AM +13038752587

Working

Sep 12, 2023 8:16:37 AM Me

😑

Sep 12, 2023 8:17:02 AM Me

Covid day 6 here

Sep 12, 2023 8:17:42 AM ⇲ +13038752587

How you feeling

Sep 12, 2023 8:17:28 AM +13038752587

I have a quick pdf edit for you for Tree - I’ll send over when I get back from drop off

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Sep 12, 2023 8:17:42 AM ⇱ +13038752587

How you feeling
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 12, 2023 8:18:46 AM Me

Runny nose, slight headache, last vestiges of soreness

Sep 12, 2023 8:53:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey, was just thinking this “tool” is nothing but a wrapper around some specific AI tools — everything this does I can find for free. So, I’m wondering, not what tech to put together, but rather.... “What PROBLEM can we SOLVE for people, and/or business owners based on what we know?” If we can create the “Easy Button” to solve their problems for a nominal monthly fee, we may be planting money trees 😊 Forget the tech and AI for a moment and just think about what problems you can solve that they dont know the answer to, or too big investment of their own time (they’re not the expert)

Sep 12, 2023 8:53:57 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.wonsulting.ai/pricing

Sep 12, 2023 8:56:03 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

We are on the same wavelength-

Sep 12, 2023 9:13:36 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Sent Google chat about NS for host 🐊

Sep 12, 2023 9:13:45 AM Me

Ok

Sep 12, 2023 9:13:50 AM Me

In writing mode

Sep 12, 2023 9:14:01 AM Me

Trying to finish my piece

Sep 12, 2023 9:14:29 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

No worries - when you get to it

Sep 12, 2023 9:37:51 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I found them 😀

Sep 12, 2023 9:38:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool

Sep 12, 2023 11:18:56 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Sent the pdf to your email

Sep 12, 2023 12:51:21 PM Me

Cool, looking in one min.

Sep 12, 2023 12:51:32 PM Me

Read this and let me know what you think:

Sep 12, 2023 12:51:32 PM Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F19w67YWahTUrcX1JpwNSQ263gSC-1X8s0cWICjpC655o%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&followup=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F19w67YWahTUrcX1JpwNSQ263gSC-1X8s0cWICjpC655o%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&ifkv=AYZoVhcidxelNa76wkYXb4J3bSujJ1PDPyKNPN1JgQivrFmyjDV8Kwgslat7azhuh40s1nusCnZXXw<mpl=docs&osid=1&passive=1209600&service=wise&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S537609549%3A1694544691744103

Sep 12, 2023 1:24:04 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Good - run it through grammarly /

Sep 12, 2023 1:24:16 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Where you plan to post it

Sep 12, 2023 1:27:36 PM Me

Maybe Medium?

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Sep 12, 2023 1:27:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Link to in inside LinkedIn

Sep 12, 2023 1:28:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m going to let it sit overnight. I want to tweak it, as its not exactly what was in my head

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Sep 12, 2023 1:47:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Almost done with Trees doc tweak

Sep 12, 2023 1:52:42 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll have the new copy for the first inside page

Sep 12, 2023 5:26:57 PM (Read by you after 58 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 12, 2023 5:26:57 PM (Read by you after 58 seconds) +13038752587

We lost the icons again

Sep 12, 2023 5:27:49 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Probably same fix as before

Sep 12, 2023 5:28:04 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 12, 2023 5:28:08 PM Me

Yes it’s the same. Same fix as before.

Sep 12, 2023 5:28:11 PM Me

Divi settings

Sep 12, 2023 5:28:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Toggle the icon slider

Sep 12, 2023 5:28:43 PM Me

I dont need to see it I know it

Sep 12, 2023 5:29:18 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Under theme options

Sep 12, 2023 5:29:34 PM Me

Second screen int

Sep 12, 2023 5:29:34 PM Me

In

Sep 12, 2023 5:30:10 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Dynamic icons?

Sep 12, 2023 5:30:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes

Sep 12, 2023 5:30:34 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

That’s it 🥹

Sep 12, 2023 5:30:36 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Sep 12, 2023 5:34:01 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Is it possible to redirect the Mailchimp order details form to a thank you page upon submission

Sep 12, 2023 5:57:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

yes

Sep 12, 2023 5:57:50 PM Me

you can do it somewhere in the form settings

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Sep 13, 2023 9:34:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Happy Wednesday

Sep 13, 2023 9:34:52 AM Me

How are you?

Sep 13, 2023 9:35:04 AM Me

This was a VERY good Seth Godin today:

Sep 13, 2023 9:35:06 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Sep 13, 2023 9:35:16 AM Me

Fear and the MVP

Sep 13, 2023 9:49:04 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Ooh perfect - I listen after 10 am call

Sep 13, 2023 9:49:26 AM Me

PDF work out ok?

Sep 13, 2023 9:49:55 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Have not looked yet

Sep 13, 2023 9:49:31 AM Me

For Tree

Sep 13, 2023 9:49:42 AM +13038752587

What industry/niche would you most like to work with/in

Sep 13, 2023 9:50:43 AM ⇲ Me

Perhaps the cannibis industry. Its going nowhere, and I imagine my expertise could be valuable inside that world.

Sep 13, 2023 9:51:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

If not that, then custom software design and dev, like my Art+Logic gig. Was ideal.

Sep 13, 2023 9:49:55 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Have not looked yet
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 13, 2023 9:50:01 AM Me

K

Sep 13, 2023 9:50:43 AM ⇱ Me

Perhaps the cannibis industry. Its going nowhere, and I imagine my expertise could be valuable inside that world.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 13, 2023 9:51:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

If not that, then custom software design and dev, like my Art+Logic gig. Was ideal.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 13, 2023 9:52:38 AM (Read by you after 50 seconds) +13038752587

Thinking back to your message yesterday about packaging AI tools to solve a problem. What is some in the cannabis industry’s problems

Sep 13, 2023 9:53:58 AM Me

I may publish to substack.

Sep 13, 2023 9:54:00 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://substack.com/@berchman

Sep 13, 2023 9:54:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then link everything to that. Medium is paywalled

Sep 13, 2023 9:54:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also did editing of article last night, doing some more now, then will ponder your question

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Sep 13, 2023 9:55:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, just read this WOW! So worth the read. Promise because its true of TECH and AI at large.

Sep 13, 2023 9:55:53 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://jakobnielsenphd.substack.com/p/ux-angst-of-2023

Sep 13, 2023 9:56:26 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Sendt you an email with video test

Sep 13, 2023 9:56:37 AM Me

K

Sep 13, 2023 10:24:29 AM Me

2 things to check on pro video ads

Sep 13, 2023 10:24:56 AM Me

1. Google Analytics hooked up 2. Indexing is turned on in WP so the site gets crawled

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Sep 13, 2023 10:28:36 AM +13038752587

I’ll check

Sep 13, 2023 10:29:02 AM Me

And the certificate of course, need that SSL working or ppl will not want to put CC info in

Sep 13, 2023 10:29:47 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

resolved SSL yesterday

Sep 13, 2023 11:45:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool

Sep 13, 2023 12:13:42 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Emailed you content for page 2 of pdf

Sep 13, 2023 7:18:12 PM Me

Hey there, sent PDF back to you.

Sep 13, 2023 7:18:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also sent you updated link to my article.

Sep 13, 2023 7:18:29 PM Me

I rewrote it much shorter.

Sep 13, 2023 7:21:30 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 Writing lease for new tenant I’ll check them out later

Sep 13, 2023 7:21:45 PM Me

Ok

Sep 14, 2023 8:44:39 AM Me

Hola, happy Thursday. Any chance to scan my writing? I was hoping to publish on substack today and then share out via other outlets.

Sep 14, 2023 8:51:15 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Will read this morning

Sep 14, 2023 8:45:10 AM Me

Also, I believe we’re done on Pro Vids, and on Trees PDF. Can I send you the hours?

Sep 14, 2023 8:46:36 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

Sep 14, 2023 8:45:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m still mr negative net worth

Sep 14, 2023 8:50:44 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Unfortunately, welcome to the group. I heard a statistic that 70% of folks are here too. Although, most are rich in ways we don’t look at or value. Enough philosophical 🧐 thought 💭

Sep 14, 2023 8:46:36 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 14, 2023 8:50:44 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Unfortunately, welcome to the group. I heard a statistic that 70% of folks are here too. Although, most are rich in ways we don’t look at or value. Enough philosophical 🧐 thought 💭
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 14, 2023 8:51:15 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Will read this morning
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 14, 2023 8:51:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the other ways of being rich dont pay creditors

Sep 14, 2023 8:51:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sad

Sep 14, 2023 8:51:44 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

True

Sep 14, 2023 8:53:12 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

May have a AI project. Waiting on funds this week. Not huge but it’s something. I’ll let you know. It will happen by tomorrow or not.

Sep 14, 2023 9:16:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Sep 14, 2023 9:16:22 AM Me

Cool

Sep 14, 2023 9:32:03 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Do I have editing capabilities on the doc- a few small suggestions I have

Sep 14, 2023 9:32:25 AM Me

You have commenting ability

Sep 14, 2023 9:32:51 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool - must have to do it in laptop

Sep 14, 2023 9:58:05 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Thoughts and suggestions made

Sep 14, 2023 9:58:18 AM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

On a call until 11

Sep 14, 2023 10:48:37 AM Me

K

Sep 14, 2023 11:45:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Great show and music if you can put it on and listen:

Sep 14, 2023 11:45:49 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Sep 14, 2023 2:01:06 PM Me

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Sep 15, 2023 11:50:53 AM Me

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New arts

Sep 15, 2023 6:11:26 PM Me

10.22 hours on pro video

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Sep 15, 2023 6:12:20 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Ill send money tomorrow

Sep 16, 2023 6:15:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola, any chance to send funds?

Sep 16, 2023 6:15:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Suffering from “Funzalo”

Sep 16, 2023 7:36:38 PM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Can Venmo 100 tonight

Sep 16, 2023 7:37:11 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

More on Monday - had issues with Zelle. Funds don’t clear until Monday

Sep 17, 2023 9:25:50 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Money sent - more tomorrow

Sep 17, 2023 10:53:00 AM Me

Ok Thx 🙏

Sep 17, 2023 10:53:29 AM Me

How goes settling into routines?? Happen yet?

Sep 17, 2023 11:03:28 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 12 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Last week was a good first run

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Sep 18, 2023 8:34:29 AM Me

Instagram

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Sep 18, 2023 10:10:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Any reply on the AI work?

Sep 18, 2023 10:11:06 AM Me

Now goes day so far?

Sep 18, 2023 10:11:33 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Not yet

Sep 18, 2023 11:12:32 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Reactions:

Loved by Me

Sep 18, 2023 1:57:23 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you an email about project. Am I insane for even thinking about taking on this project. Is he insane for asking for so much for so little? Is this other company insane for offering do it for 5500? Overall I’m frustrated with Ivan. Promised funding for 8 weeks, the n gets it - says he will pay first installment, and then when I ask for it after 2 weeks for this smaller project. He changes the terms. Condensed version.

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Sep 18, 2023 3:13:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Looking

Sep 18, 2023 3:13:16 PM Me

will reply in a few…

Sep 18, 2023 7:41:25 PM Me

Just replied to your estimate. Went to watch Waterford soccer team—they’re good. Won 4-1

Sep 18, 2023 7:41:35 PM Me

Based on what you shared I would pass.

Sep 18, 2023 7:41:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Details in email.

Sep 18, 2023 7:42:13 PM Me

Also, any word on Venmo? Some of my subscriptions are past due like Spotify 😊

Sep 18, 2023 8:29:02 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Money sitting in Zelle waiting to clear. Hopefully tomorrow- since it came in over the weekend

Sep 19, 2023 11:05:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola

Sep 19, 2023 11:05:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How goes today?

Sep 19, 2023 11:06:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did you get my feedback?

Sep 19, 2023 11:06:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We can chat on Google and take it off here if you like let me know

Sep 19, 2023 11:06:35 AM Me

Online for the next 3 hours.

Sep 19, 2023 11:06:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Finally feel “normal” again and past Covid

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Sep 19, 2023 11:06:54 AM Me

12 days of that shit. Dont catch it

Sep 19, 2023 11:16:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, any update? I need to get Amazon Pharmacy ordered/delivered before I hit the road 😊

Sep 19, 2023 11:25:17 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Sep 19, 2023 11:25:43 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Just phone my phone / it went missing in the house 🏡 🤣

Sep 19, 2023 11:26:36 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Yes got feedback - let’s chat more in a bit - call at 12

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Sep 19, 2023 11:27:49 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Zelle is still in holding pattern- instead of instant he hit scheduled- so it takes 2-3 days - need it today

Sep 19, 2023 11:28:12 AM ⇲ Me

Should hit today

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Sep 19, 2023 11:28:12 AM ⇱ Me

Should hit today

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 19, 2023 11:29:26 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Have a quick project for Trees - it’s adding a popup, a download page, and a banner. You up for it - needs to be completed today?

Sep 19, 2023 11:29:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yep. Lets do it.

Sep 19, 2023 11:30:00 AM Me

Doing apps right now

Sep 19, 2023 11:30:26 AM Me

Getting everything up to date in Notion. Been using Ultimate Brain and its starting to take over 😊

Sep 19, 2023 11:31:22 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 how soon until it can apply for you?!

Sep 19, 2023 11:54:44 AM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Once I get into siteground - I will create a new staging site and give you access. In about an hour

Sep 19, 2023 11:55:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Sep 19, 2023 1:45:32 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

2 Pages created - they are in the draft pages folder. Unique Journeys Need to create and image, change copy and connect to Mailchimp and tag it. Thank you - change bg image, pdf image and text to reflect name of pdf

Sep 19, 2023 1:46:07 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

I was not able to login into siteground - waiting on new password from Tree

Sep 19, 2023 1:46:29 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Do you have the login for Mailchimp

Sep 19, 2023 1:47:12 PM Me

I believe so. We can put it in Google space we have

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Sep 19, 2023 1:47:40 PM Me

Going to look at docs now, getting right tunes on

Sep 19, 2023 1:51:10 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Got password to SG - creating staging site now

Sep 19, 2023 1:52:30 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Switching to g chat

Sep 19, 2023 1:52:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Sep 19, 2023 1:52:46 PM Me

cool

Sep 20, 2023 8:24:26 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola, I’m online now. Can you send the MailChimp login for Tree? I dont seem to have it, or can’t find it—and I’ve looked.

Sep 20, 2023 9:35:31 AM Me

Major Tom here sitting in a tin can

Sep 20, 2023 10:09:55 AM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Hi

Sep 20, 2023 10:10:11 AM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll reach out in 10m

Sep 20, 2023 2:30:13 PM Me

I’m back from mowing about to go online and check things out

Sep 20, 2023 3:21:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Intriguing:

Sep 20, 2023 3:21:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

UX Tigers

Sep 20, 2023 3:43:14 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get into Mailchimp- sent you the code

Sep 20, 2023 3:43:46 PM Me

Let me look was taking time out

Sep 21, 2023 12:41:38 PM Me

Any word on Venmo?

Sep 21, 2023 12:41:54 PM Me

Need to order meds

Sep 21, 2023 12:43:58 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have Zelle?

Sep 21, 2023 12:47:47 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Sending 125

Sep 21, 2023 12:49:11 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Now I can’t Zelle from one bank to another

Sep 21, 2023 12:49:55 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

My one bank is integrating with Zelle but is is blocking the account I had setup.

Sep 21, 2023 12:50:21 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

The blessing and challenges of insta banking

Sep 21, 2023 1:14:16 PM Me

I believe I do have Zelle

Sep 21, 2023 1:19:07 PM Me

Sep 21, 2023 1:27:37 PM Me

And I’m 165.00 overdrawn 😖

Sep 21, 2023 1:27:59 PM Me

I’m negative money every where.

Sep 21, 2023 1:33:11 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you / what just came in is going out

Sep 21, 2023 1:33:48 PM +13038752587

What are you paying for that you can pause for a few months?

Sep 21, 2023 1:34:17 PM +13038752587

That is a want but not a need

Sep 21, 2023 1:35:00 PM Me

Behind on all creditors. Some by more than one

Sep 21, 2023 1:36:18 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Did you exhaust the consolidation route?

Sep 21, 2023 1:37:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not yet. I have no source of income to pay the bill. They want to know that when you apply. Why give a loan to someone who can’t pay right now?

Sep 21, 2023 1:37:38 PM Me

I’m in a big

Sep 21, 2023 1:37:41 PM Me

🕳️

Sep 21, 2023 1:37:45 PM +13038752587

You can base it on what you normally make in a year

Sep 21, 2023 1:37:57 PM +13038752587 unsent a message.

Sep 21, 2023 1:38:08 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Get some breathing room.

Sep 21, 2023 1:38:37 PM +13038752587

They don’t check

Sep 21, 2023 1:38:46 PM Me

I’ve been mooching money to buy groceries from my parents. Otherwise haven’t a pot to piss in.

Sep 21, 2023 1:39:06 PM Me

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me…

Sep 21, 2023 1:40:57 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

No you’re not that just how you are judging things. No doubt it sucks to be with funds. I dance in and out of it - that is until know. I’m done dancing the one foot in one foot out dance.

Sep 21, 2023 1:41:12 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

*without

Sep 21, 2023 1:41:32 PM Me

Gotcha

Sep 21, 2023 1:41:35 PM +13038752587

Let’s get real for a minute - ok

Sep 21, 2023 1:41:44 PM Me

Let me get back to finishing the form

Sep 21, 2023 1:41:49 PM +13038752587

Ok

Sep 21, 2023 1:42:00 PM Me

I was just curious and asking

Sep 21, 2023 1:42:06 PM Me

Didnt mean to go down rabbit hole

Sep 21, 2023 1:42:30 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s continue this after - I’ve been in bigger financial holes 🕳️ and can share some things I learned

Sep 21, 2023 1:42:52 PM Me

K

Sep 21, 2023 1:43:11 PM +13038752587

Let me know when the form and banner are completed

Sep 21, 2023 1:43:19 PM Me

I may be close on hitting one of these gigs, I can kinda feel it. Just something in me

Reactions:

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Sep 21, 2023 1:44:02 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Zelle ing you another 125

Sep 21, 2023 1:45:07 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

You set it Zelle with your phone number?

Sep 21, 2023 1:45:38 PM Me

Not sure, that’s the bank doing that. It goes into my separate Bert sing

Sep 21, 2023 1:45:42 PM Me

Checking

Sep 21, 2023 1:45:54 PM Me

That’s the -165.00 one

Sep 21, 2023 1:46:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So my account will be -40 when u done

Sep 21, 2023 1:46:17 PM Me

Which is cool by me

Sep 21, 2023 1:46:50 PM Me

But dont have my meds 😊 which I think is just under $200

Sep 21, 2023 1:47:15 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Meds are more important

Sep 21, 2023 1:48:00 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Finish the website then let’s chat

Sep 21, 2023 1:48:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Sep 21, 2023 6:52:01 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Where did you go?

Sep 21, 2023 6:52:38 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want me to Zelle money tonight or I can Venmo money tomorrow

Sep 21, 2023 7:14:15 PM Me

Venmo tomorrow

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Sep 22, 2023 8:31:13 AM (Read by you after 29 minutes) +13038752587

Funds sent

Reactions:

Loved by Me

Sep 22, 2023 8:59:55 AM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 22, 2023 9:00:06 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 22, 2023 9:00:32 AM Me

Padding

Sep 22, 2023 9:00:43 AM +13038752587

We don’t have an image at top on mobile as well?

Sep 22, 2023 9:01:44 AM ⇲ Me

Think. No photo, snappier on mobile. Homepage yes, landing pages yes, others no

Sep 22, 2023 9:00:44 AM Me

I can fix it

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Sep 22, 2023 9:01:23 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Next up some is landing page and thank you page

Sep 22, 2023 9:01:44 AM +13038752587

Vertical and horizontal

Sep 22, 2023 9:01:44 AM ⇱ Me

Think. No photo, snappier on mobile. Homepage yes, landing pages yes, others no
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 22, 2023 9:02:30 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Currently there is no photo on homepage on mobile

Sep 22, 2023 9:02:51 AM ⇲ Me

Easy fix

Sep 22, 2023 9:02:35 AM Me

More photos = slower experience depending on variables out of our control

Sep 22, 2023 9:02:47 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 22, 2023 9:02:51 AM ⇱ Me

Easy fix
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 22, 2023 9:03:01 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 22, 2023 9:03:26 AM Me

7 secrets is fucked up

Sep 22, 2023 9:03:32 AM Me

Can fix

Sep 22, 2023 9:03:52 AM Me

If you want, I could record a video of me doing this shit, so you see what I do, let me know. It’s no skin off my back.

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Sep 22, 2023 9:04:13 AM Me

Finnegan, you should probably spend your time doing higher-level things then adjusting padding on shit

Sep 22, 2023 9:04:38 AM Me

Finnegan is the phones way of translating, “but then again”

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Sep 22, 2023 9:05:03 AM Me

Ok. Getting online

Sep 22, 2023 9:05:12 AM Me

Switching from phone

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Sep 22, 2023 9:05:15 AM +13038752587

Switching to laptop and g chat

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Sep 23, 2023 6:38:55 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

YouTube

Sep 23, 2023 6:39:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yoyo Ma, amazing

Sep 23, 2023 6:39:45 AM Me

Watching genius at play, amazing

Sep 25, 2023 8:07:23 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 49 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

How went your a Monday? Do you have your route planned?

Sep 26, 2023 7:57:46 AM Me

Monday was ok. More rejection. Figuring out what way to go still

Sep 26, 2023 8:55:51 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 37 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Good day! More rejection?

Sep 26, 2023 11:33:55 AM Me

Apps for postings

Sep 26, 2023 12:13:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What happened with the guy who you sent estimate to and came back with an alternate bid? Did you let him go?

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Sep 26, 2023 12:13:31 PM Me

Just curious

Sep 26, 2023 12:13:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also, do u know if Tree is traveling at the moment?

Sep 26, 2023 12:42:14 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

She is not currently

Sep 26, 2023 1:21:46 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Although the may be traveling again next week

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Sep 26, 2023 2:12:55 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Next trip is oct 8th

Sep 27, 2023 10:20:54 AM Me

How goes the project world?

Sep 27, 2023 10:25:05 AM Me

Lots of transformation over here, which is great however that’s not going to keep me from being homeless in CA. I think I could camp from October to June, but I may get sick of it, but also may not have a choice in the matter. I know I want to go back and Coach, but I’m not getting interviews with companies only with head hunters. Upwork doesn’t work for me. Never got one project from the site and I can do ALOT of what’s being sought. Just frustrated coming up on 5 months of searching and nothing.

Sep 27, 2023 10:38:15 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Understand the frustration. Upwork is a long game of persistence and timing

Sep 27, 2023 10:39:14 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Did you come up with must have, good to have and luxuries to have list of expenses?

Sep 27, 2023 10:25:58 AM Me

I should be turning work away. Who did I piss off?

Sep 27, 2023 10:26:34 AM Me

Or what did I piss off? What mystical power is in the way?!?

Sep 27, 2023 10:40:10 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Within you, the power is.

Sep 27, 2023 10:36:58 AM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

Project world slow - but will pick up this week. Need to get on Upwork

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Sep 27, 2023 10:38:15 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Understand the frustration. Upwork is a long game of persistence and timing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:39:14 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Did you come up with must have, good to have and luxuries to have list of expenses?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:39:43 AM Me

No

Sep 27, 2023 10:41:12 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Although it may seem daunting, it will give your clarity and relieve to know these numbers

Sep 27, 2023 10:40:10 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Within you, the power is.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:40:38 AM Me

Being around my fathers energy is not helpful

Sep 27, 2023 10:41:04 AM Me

His comments and attitude towards me are “you’re a loser”

Sep 27, 2023 10:42:07 AM ⇲ +13038752587

You can choose to accept them or return to sender.

Sep 27, 2023 10:41:12 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Although it may seem daunting, it will give your clarity and relieve to know these numbers
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:41:29 AM Me

He’s been incredibly helpful but at a mental cost

Sep 27, 2023 10:43:50 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Yes, this comes with the help. Be grateful for the help. Let go of any judgments

Sep 27, 2023 10:42:07 AM ⇱ +13038752587

You can choose to accept them or return to sender.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:42:20 AM Me

He’s now floating idea that I ship my car, and fly back.

Sep 27, 2023 10:44:24 AM ⇲ +13038752587

What are the pros and cons?

Sep 27, 2023 10:42:57 AM +13038752587

Hum - what do you think about that

Sep 27, 2023 10:43:16 AM Me

Feels like trying to make decisions for me, feels like I’m 17 again

Sep 27, 2023 10:43:25 AM Me

Don’t like it

Sep 27, 2023 10:43:50 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Yes, this comes with the help. Be grateful for the help. Let go of any judgments
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:44:13 AM Me

All of this would disappear if I do.

Sep 27, 2023 10:44:24 AM ⇱ +13038752587

What are the pros and cons?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:44:49 AM Me

Checking out is back in my head, ugh

Sep 27, 2023 10:45:03 AM Me

Mentally exhausted from being awake

Sep 27, 2023 10:46:01 AM Me

It’s frustration

Sep 27, 2023 10:46:07 AM +13038752587

It’s time to get real with yourself. No lies, no judgements. Just facts

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Sep 27, 2023 10:46:42 AM ⇲ Me

Yeah

Sep 27, 2023 10:46:47 AM ⇲ Me

I hear you

Sep 27, 2023 10:46:42 AM ⇱ Me

Yeah
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:46:47 AM ⇱ Me

I hear you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 10:49:07 AM Me

Also not with Heidi, she wants some space right now. She wants to get parts of her life in line before a relationship. I can appreciate that, and her honesty.

Sep 27, 2023 10:49:38 AM Me

K, going to meditate for 2nd time today.

Sep 27, 2023 10:50:08 AM Me

Then back online and STOP my skull sized pity party 🎈

Sep 27, 2023 10:50:09 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

When you come back. Let’s start with financial as this is the first domino to push over.

Sep 27, 2023 10:50:37 AM Me

Action

Sep 27, 2023 10:50:48 AM Me

Not reaction

Sep 27, 2023 10:52:43 AM Me

I also realize that I am gripping with white knuckles onto an expectation in my mind that isn’t happening thereby frustration

Sep 27, 2023 10:53:13 AM Me

Both with my work, life and love life

Sep 27, 2023 10:53:51 AM Me

As Yogi, Brian on Instagram would say “let go fuck face“

Sep 27, 2023 10:55:00 AM Me

By the way, I had an incredibly transformational weekend just me and the universe. It sucks. I feel this way because I’m making a lot of progress and other areas of my life but not career money and love.

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Sep 27, 2023 11:30:00 AM (Read by you after 57 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Sep 27, 2023 11:30:48 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 46 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

😀incredibly transformational

Sep 27, 2023 11:31:15 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 19 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The rest will follow

Sep 27, 2023 10:58:13 AM Me

Which either ironically or serendipitously are the three pillars of American consumer culture. It’s the whole white picket fence and a family myth that is sold to you when you’re young. 1. Good job 2. Make lots of money 3. Fall in love 4. Make a family 5. Live happily ever after

Sep 27, 2023 10:58:38 AM Me

And keep consuming 🤣

Sep 27, 2023 11:30:00 AM (Read by you after 57 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 11:30:48 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 46 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

😀incredibly transformational
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2023 11:31:15 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 19 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The rest will follow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 28, 2023 8:15:14 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Happy Thursday. I hope all is well.

Sep 28, 2023 8:15:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Fighting an uphill mental battle

Sep 28, 2023 9:40:15 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

Sep 28, 2023 9:40:45 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Get out of your mind and into action

Sep 28, 2023 9:42:51 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

I’m sending you something to listen to now. Listen from the place of now and moving forward. Do not review the past and say what if or place judgement.

Sep 28, 2023 9:43:08 AM Me

Ok

Sep 28, 2023 9:43:41 AM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

This week I'm answering YOUR question: "What can I do RIGHT NOW, TODAY to get UNSTUCK and get back to chasing my dreams?" Click the link to Watch/Listen!

Sep 28, 2023 9:43:44 AM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

https://konect.to/edmylett?utm_source=community.com&utm_medium=sms&utm_campaign=f1b6f384-0f84-4861-8a3e-dfc21c93840a&cmty_campaign=f1b6f384-0f84-4861-8a3e-dfc21c93840a

Sep 28, 2023 9:44:32 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

It’s is short enough. Listen to it now

Sep 28, 2023 9:44:41 AM Me

Ok

Sep 28, 2023 9:45:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This vid?

Sep 28, 2023 9:45:28 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Sep 28, 2023 9:45:48 AM Me

That link above sent me top all his stuff

Sep 28, 2023 9:46:11 AM (Read by you after 58 seconds) +13038752587

Now it’s a podcast - listen to most recent

Sep 28, 2023 9:46:22 AM (Read by you after 47 seconds) +13038752587

*no

Sep 28, 2023 9:47:15 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ed-mylett-show/id1181233130

Sep 28, 2023 9:50:08 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Looks like the video is the same

Sep 28, 2023 9:51:03 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Let me know when your done listening

Sep 28, 2023 10:15:02 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Done listening

Sep 28, 2023 10:15:15 AM Me

Lots of Jesus, dying, and sins

Sep 28, 2023 10:22:17 AM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎

Sep 28, 2023 10:24:04 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Did it inspire you with a vision for yourself?

Sep 28, 2023 11:20:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Made me begin to think about it. I have some ideas, but nothing happens without being a slave to Corporate Capitalism

Sep 28, 2023 11:34:23 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This statement is not empowering. Sharing your value with others in exchange for the value(money)you want is basic trade

Sep 28, 2023 11:21:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Need Money Badly. I’m behind on all payments across the board 😰

Sep 28, 2023 11:34:23 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This statement is not empowering. Sharing your value with others in exchange for the value(money)you want is basic trade
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 28, 2023 11:35:44 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, I feel you on need money badly Did you get your exact monthly numbers in the three areas? Must have, good to have and it’s a luxury to have

Sep 28, 2023 11:36:37 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 33 seconds) +13038752587

These are the key to you getting what you need/want and more

Sep 28, 2023 11:38:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, I’ll have that done today. Checking in with my mom to make sure she doesn’t need garden help. She’s getting it all ready for winter.

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Sep 28, 2023 11:39:39 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also, I’m looking at 3 ways of going cross-country. I’ll share them when I share the money sheet

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Sep 28, 2023 11:40:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

10 more apps out. And interview at 5pm EST with company. THey’re not hiring but they want to talk to me—curious. I’ll let you know how that goes

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Sep 28, 2023 2:11:37 PM Me

Got triggered by my dad this afternoon inquiring about job search. Was able to talk it thru .

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Sep 28, 2023 2:12:56 PM Me

I realize I get triggered whenever he’s judging me, comments like, have you done this? What about the other thing? Have you looked here? Like questioning my ability to look, or is if I’m looking in the wrong places. Anyhow, the bigger issue for me is the trigger and the judgment, which is what has triggered me since I was a kid, constant critique, but never praise of any kind that’s part of the reason I feel like a perpetual loser, which is made up story that I burned into my synopsis when I was little

Sep 28, 2023 3:25:49 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

what did you learn that will help you not get trigger triggered

Sep 28, 2023 3:33:11 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

To be patient and listen before making assumptions

Sep 28, 2023 3:35:07 PM Me

Just off interview call. They dont currently have a FT role on offer but the company recruiter saw my stuff and wanted to talk with me about it. Great conversation, went incredibly well and they are very much like an art+logic custom digital solution company. One of their offices is in Boulder, but about 60% are FT remote—company lets you pick.

Sep 28, 2023 3:35:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.viget.com

Sep 28, 2023 3:56:29 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

cool 😎

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Sep 28, 2023 3:56:49 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Any PT or consulting opportunities

Sep 28, 2023 3:57:39 PM Me

They definitely entertain it when the workload bubbles over common but they’re not doing it at the moment. They need to see how projects are lining up for Q4. That’s why they don’t have a position on offer, they don’t know how much work they have yet.

Sep 28, 2023 3:58:06 PM Me

So she noted that I am open to freelancing with them, so she said she would reach out. I suspect if a role comes up, I’m going to get an interview.

Sep 28, 2023 3:58:27 PM Me

And she’s a recruiter inside the company she’s on the company about us headshot page

Sep 28, 2023 3:58:45 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Great connection

Sep 28, 2023 3:58:49 PM Me

It’s the first time I’ve spoken to someone at the company that’s a potential role

Sep 28, 2023 3:59:06 PM Me

I’ve only spoken to third-party recruiters, essentially filters and gatekeepers

Sep 28, 2023 3:59:31 PM Me

I get past them easy, and when I talk to people at the companies, I think I charm them. I don’t try to it just happens.

Sep 28, 2023 4:00:03 PM Me

Lexi, that’s the woman’s name. I spoke to, noted at the end of our conversation that I have a lot of enthusiasm, and it comes through in the conversation. She can tell I love what I do.

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Sep 28, 2023 4:00:20 PM Me

I really appreciated that feedback

Sep 29, 2023 8:48:01 AM Me

Hola

Sep 29, 2023 8:48:07 AM Me

Happy Friday

Sep 29, 2023 9:18:38 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Day

Sep 29, 2023 10:12:15 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/how-to-harness-your-god-like-creative-powers

Sep 29, 2023 12:30:19 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

I heard from Tree that you invoiced her. I was expecting you to send me yours hours for the work you did.

Sep 29, 2023 12:31:19 PM Me

Oh, I sent her hours from the website and PDFs I changed for her. I had emailed her back and forth about sending the invoices for the PDFs, and I had put my hours on the website in there too

Sep 29, 2023 12:33:04 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Ahh - I’ll be chatting with her in about an hour. We’ll figure it out

Sep 29, 2023 12:33:33 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Are you hitting the road on Sunday?

Sep 29, 2023 1:03:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

No. Not ready to leave yet. Plus I dont have any way to pay for my trip, my checking account is in the negative, and all my creditors are after me

Sep 29, 2023 1:15:11 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Did you figure out your monthly nut? Don’t count creditors or luxuries

Sep 29, 2023 1:15:43 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Plus what will be your cost to get out west?

Sep 29, 2023 1:43:13 PM Me

I’m working on that this afternoon.

Sep 29, 2023 2:34:43 PM Me

Watch

Sep 29, 2023 2:34:48 PM Me

https://youtu.be/eash3X5Zi8A?si=KATLXxcj8wfmGoea

Sep 29, 2023 3:25:37 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

This looks good. Started / will finish in a bit

Sep 29, 2023 3:25:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool

Sep 29, 2023 3:26:04 PM Me

I was hearing ideas I knew would interest you

Sep 29, 2023 3:26:09 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Send me a breakdown of work I need to create an invoice for Tree

Sep 29, 2023 3:26:18 PM Me

Ok

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Sep 29, 2023 3:27:31 PM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

2:41 on PDFs

Sep 29, 2023 3:27:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

8:49 on Mailchimp and Thankyou page

Sep 29, 2023 3:27:55 PM Me

11:30 TOTAL

Sep 29, 2023 6:40:51 PM Me

Feeling better off dead

Sep 29, 2023 6:41:29 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Traveling back to front range

Sep 29, 2023 6:41:46 PM Me

Hit me hard tonight. Was out and had to mask super hard and it was exhausting. Left me falling into the hole 🕳️

Sep 29, 2023 6:42:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Don’t fall in

Sep 29, 2023 6:42:27 PM +13038752587

Too deep

Sep 29, 2023 6:42:27 PM Me

Already have

Sep 29, 2023 6:42:37 PM +13038752587

🪜

Sep 29, 2023 6:42:46 PM +13038752587

Climb out

Sep 29, 2023 6:42:50 PM Me

I’m used to it

Sep 29, 2023 6:43:32 PM Me

I’m fine, this is fine, everything is fine

Sep 29, 2023 6:44:35 PM Me

Having to pretend you’re ok when people ask how you’re doing is exhausting. I should have a fucking Oscar

Sep 29, 2023 6:46:17 PM Me

The lying bothers me. I could say, “I’m unemployed for months, going thru divorce and I have major depressive disorder AND a terrible financial situation. I’m fine, everything is fine.

Sep 29, 2023 6:46:41 PM Me

Masking triggered this

Sep 29, 2023 6:47:13 PM Me

I’ll be fine, enjoy your evening. Just had to talk it out.

Sep 29, 2023 6:47:47 PM +13038752587

Stop lying

Sep 29, 2023 6:48:17 PM +13038752587

Letting people now times are tough right now is ok.

Sep 29, 2023 6:48:22 PM +13038752587

Know

Sep 29, 2023 7:06:35 PM Me

These arent my friends, they’re my parents friends and people from town. They had a political event tonight in town, and my brother begged me to go with him and my mom and dad. Said that Dad isn’t going to go to many more of these, etc. The event had nothing to do with acknowledging my father, or celebrating him, it was just a political rally type thing. In any event I begrudgingly said yes when I really did not want to go because I knew I would have to mask and it would trigger me. Where am I right now? Home triggered beyond all fucking belief. I had planned on going out tonight to play darts in Saratoga but I can’t even be around people now. Just sux

Sep 29, 2023 7:07:35 PM Me

| And believe me, I’ve tried to let it go. I’ve tried to drop it once your triggered it’s fucking game on with muchacho .
Edited 13 seconds later | And believe me, I’ve tried to let it go. I’ve tried to drop it once your triggered it’s fucking game on muchacho .
Edited 18 seconds later | And believe me, I’ve tried to let it go. I’ve tried to drop it. once your triggered it’s fucking game on muchacho .

Sep 29, 2023 7:08:45 PM Me

I’ll be fine tomorrow morning, but I get to sit inside tonight pissed off because I didn’t say no and not go to the thing

Sep 29, 2023 7:08:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Channel your inner nacho libre

Sep 29, 2023 7:08:55 PM Me

Another lesson learned, and not honoring myself

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Sep 29, 2023 7:09:27 PM Me

I knew. I knew it would trigger me. I knew I would have to mask. I knew it was going to be a huge expenditure of energy to do that.

Sep 29, 2023 7:11:03 PM Me

That’s why I didn’t. But I get people begging and saying come on. It’s not a big deal. The explanation of “oh I can’t go because I’ll get triggered and go mental” doesn’t go over very well. Besides, I feel like such a fucking stranger here. It’s the town I grew up in, but I don’t know anybody. My parents and my brother know everybody everybody and the cockroaches.

Sep 29, 2023 7:11:43 PM Me

OK I acknowledge him at the point where I’m ranting so I will stop and let you go. I’m sorry to have bothered you with my nonsense again.

Sep 29, 2023 7:12:16 PM Me

You unsent this message part 6 seconds after sending!

Peace out ✌️

Sep 29, 2023 7:12:38 PM Me

Sep 29, 2023 7:18:10 PM +13038752587

No bother Getting back on the road

Sep 30, 2023 11:36:53 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Hi

Sep 30, 2023 11:37:06 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Have costs for driving across country.

Sep 30, 2023 11:37:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Roughly $700, but down to $500 if I dont use money for camping and just stay in Walmart parking lots

Sep 30, 2023 11:38:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just spent 4 hours contacting creditors and letting them know I can’t make payments. AMEX wanted to charge me $56 on the spot to start their program. I told them I dont have it, and they hung me out to dry. Basically sorry you’re fucked and we’re going to report you to credit bureaus

Sep 30, 2023 1:21:19 PM Me

Smartflower

Sep 30, 2023 1:21:19 PM Me

Amazing product combining both Form & Function Powerful and sculptural Love it

Sep 30, 2023 4:16:31 PM Me

What’s the name of that great bbq place we went to?

Sep 30, 2023 4:29:05 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Slow grovin in Marblr

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Sep 30, 2023 4:29:11 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Marble

Sep 30, 2023 7:10:51 PM Me

? Any idea when I might see $$ from trees work?

Sep 30, 2023 8:19:32 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

By Monday / busy day with kids bday party with the family. I’ll get her the invoice tomorrow. It’s Tree and Dons anniversary tomorrow.

Oct 01, 2023 8:35:42 AM Me

It’s Sunday yo

Oct 02, 2023 6:18:08 AM Me

Good morning ☀️ Wondering if you can show me the money 💵 first thing today? Would like to get my bank account out of negative balance

Oct 02, 2023 6:18:21 AM Me

Ps. Great movie

Oct 02, 2023 8:28:12 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

It was a great movie. Yes. Bringing Sarah to work be back in 1 hour

Oct 02, 2023 8:41:21 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

ok

Oct 02, 2023 10:31:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

HOla

Oct 02, 2023 10:31:54 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Hi there

Oct 02, 2023 10:32:00 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hi

Oct 02, 2023 10:32:06 AM +13038752587

Email sent to tree

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Oct 02, 2023 10:32:08 AM Me

I miss mr Farley

Oct 02, 2023 11:10:20 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Money sent

Oct 02, 2023 11:13:11 AM Me

Yay!!

Oct 02, 2023 11:13:24 AM Me

Thx!!

Oct 03, 2023 2:51:13 PM Me

Sux but truth

Oct 03, 2023 2:57:55 PM Me

Oct 03, 2023 3:09:53 PM Me

Couldn’t match my commitment to us. All about her.

Oct 04, 2023 9:04:58 AM Me

What is the greatest mistake we all make in life? We think we have time. Time is free and priceless. We can’t own it, but we can spend it. Once we use it, we can’t get it back.

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Oct 04, 2023 9:05:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good morning. A deep thought for you to start your day

Oct 04, 2023 9:05:41 AM Me

Let me know if you get any word on the speed optimization. I’m here doing applications all day.

Oct 04, 2023 9:25:25 AM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Oct 04, 2023 9:25:31 AM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Will let you know

Oct 04, 2023 10:08:30 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

ZDNET

Oct 04, 2023 5:53:38 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 46 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 05, 2023 7:40:45 AM Me

Hola 👋

Oct 05, 2023 7:40:59 AM Me

How goes it?

Oct 05, 2023 8:01:35 AM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Morning

Oct 05, 2023 8:01:49 AM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Bringing girls to school

Oct 05, 2023 8:02:44 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

What is your new profile image? It’s too small for my eyes

Oct 05, 2023 8:58:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

didnt know I had a new profile image

Oct 05, 2023 8:58:58 AM Me

Screen cap and send it to me

Oct 05, 2023 9:03:06 AM Me

Oct 05, 2023 9:11:20 AM Me

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Oct 05, 2023 9:27:23 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 17 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 05, 2023 10:45:00 AM Me

Oh 👍

Oct 05, 2023 10:45:18 AM Me

That’s right, I’m transitioning

Oct 05, 2023 10:45:57 AM Me

Full size on desktop

Oct 05, 2023 10:46:56 AM Me

I’ve changed a bit since leaving and it’s getting more intense and interesting

Oct 05, 2023 10:47:39 AM Me

keep getting messages that all will be well

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Oct 05, 2023 10:48:07 AM Me

Working on putting trust into that and parking the doubt and fear

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Oct 05, 2023 11:13:32 AM Me

Word

Oct 05, 2023 11:34:40 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Preach

Oct 05, 2023 12:01:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

The Leap

Oct 05, 2023 1:06:32 PM Me

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Oct 05, 2023 2:29:42 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

How this pervades many

Oct 05, 2023 2:30:01 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Can relate - for sure

New triptych “Fear Shame Guilt”

Oct 05, 2023 2:29:04 PM (Read by you after 59 seconds) +13038752587

Love the studio/gallery

Oct 05, 2023 2:29:42 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

How this pervades many
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Oct 05, 2023 2:30:01 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Can relate - for sure
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Oct 05, 2023 2:30:11 PM Me

Yep

Oct 05, 2023 2:30:32 PM Me

Controlled my whole life until recently

Oct 06, 2023 7:45:12 AM Me

When you practice introspective awareness, regret transforms into a lesson.

Oct 06, 2023 7:48:38 AM Me

On the road to visit our great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather Stephen Noble, and his dad Thomas buried in Massachusetts. With m + d and Russ in the car.

Oct 06, 2023 7:48:47 AM Me

I’ll send pics

Oct 06, 2023 7:49:13 AM Me

Online later but do have my phone on me so you can reach me by text or call

Oct 06, 2023 9:09:29 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Snap a few pics of the fall colors too

Oct 06, 2023 9:10:41 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

What prompted a visit to our distant relatives grave sites?

Oct 06, 2023 9:40:05 AM Me

Our 6th great grandfather who was a lieutenant in the revolutionary war

Oct 06, 2023 9:41:07 AM Me

Here is our 7th great grandfather Thomas Noble, Stephens dad

Oct 06, 2023 9:41:35 AM Me

Thomas’s wife Sarah, your 7th great grandmother

Oct 06, 2023 9:45:37 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - that’s great you are there. Thanks for sending these

Oct 06, 2023 10:07:29 AM Me

Sure

Oct 06, 2023 1:09:49 PM Me

Hola 👋

Oct 06, 2023 1:09:55 PM Me

Back home

Oct 06, 2023 1:10:05 PM Me

Any news on the optimization?

Oct 06, 2023 1:10:26 PM Me

I realized after I sent that estimate to you that I should send you a range, so, for example, give you a low number medium number, or what I think it is going to be, and then the high-end number

Oct 06, 2023 1:11:44 PM Me

It all depends on what happens once you get in there, so it’s hard to give precise numbers easier to give them a range and say it will fall somewhere in here

Oct 06, 2023 1:24:27 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Hi - she is going to hold off on optimizing for now.

Oct 06, 2023 1:33:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Oct 06, 2023 1:34:02 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

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Oct 06, 2023 1:55:49 PM Me

Oct 07, 2023 8:02:05 AM Me

👋

Oct 07, 2023 8:06:28 AM Me

Yesterday was fun, but then went south last night. Suffice it to say I’ve blocked Dale from my phone. And struggling mentally hard last night. The feels are hard this morning. Want to numb out but that makes me more depressed and meditating the whole day away seems absurd but I could do it. Anyway feeling like shite and realize I’m about to go metaphorically skydiving next week when I take off from here. Feeling like I’m going without a parachute

Oct 07, 2023 8:07:02 AM Me

And the landing in CA will be rough mentally

Oct 07, 2023 8:07:24 AM Me

Preparing for the worst Hoping for the best

Oct 07, 2023 8:10:52 AM Me

Indian summer is over. Yesterday was last day, high 70s low 80s. Today 60s is high and all week getting lower 🥶 That’s the signal to pack up

Oct 07, 2023 9:19:19 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Hi 👋 Off to Carbondale for a parade. It’s Potato Days

Oct 07, 2023 9:20:01 AM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

This used to be the potato capitol for the US

Oct 07, 2023 9:21:16 AM Me

Aren’t you in Carbondale?

Oct 07, 2023 9:23:37 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Technically Glenwood Springs

Oct 07, 2023 9:23:47 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Door to door is 20m

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Oct 08, 2023 5:59:19 AM Me

| Hola 👋 good morning. I find myself in a very difficult situation and wonder if you could please help me. I have a car payment due tomorrow, or they will move it to collections. I have $242 left from Trees payment, and need 433.70 to make payment. So I’m short ~$200. If you could lend me that I could put it as advance for future work, or I can pay you back when I have $$$. I’m really deep into my parents already, many thousands of dollars 💸 so it’s difficult to go ask for more. Especially when my father came up unannounced yesterday and talk to me about his worry of me surviving. I actually kept my cool and pointed out to him that everything he saying is from a perspective of failure or negativity. I said to him instead of saying you’re worried about me surviving why don’t you say I really want you to thrive? and he just looked at me. I said to him he has been critical of me my whole life. I told him that he continuously told me I wasn’t good enough. My report cards weren’t good enough. My efforts were good enough, he always pointed out deficiencies. He paused and then looked at the floor, and then said I don’t remember being so critical of you. At that moment, I could’ve completely lost my mind on him, but I didn’t. I just took a deep breath and sat there with it and let him sit in that empty space after he said that. Big picture is he wanted to express his concern and care for me. But he came at me, totally negative like you’re not gonna survive you’re going to fail. And that is not a great message to come at me with because I will just flip you off and tell you to go fucking sit and spin. I’ve had a big Shift I don’t put up with anyone’s shit anymore. I don’t have time for it and if they don’t like it, they can fuck off. I have a teased everyone I’ve encountered in my life. I’ve always put their needs and concerns before mine, and this may be one of the first time in my life where I am asserting myself. Anyway, I’ll stop there at my long-winded text. Let me know on the money situation as soon as you can because if you can’t, then I am going to need to walk downstairs and ask my parents for more money
Edited 2 minutes, 27 seconds later | Hola 👋 good morning. I find myself in a very difficult situation and wonder if you could please help me. I have a car payment due tomorrow, or they will move it to collections. I have $242 left from Trees payment, and need 433.70 to make payment. So I’m short ~$200. If you could lend me that I could put it as advance for future work, or I can pay you back when I have $$$. I’m really deep into my parents already, many thousands of dollars 💸 so it’s difficult to go ask for more. Especially when my father came up unannounced yesterday and talk to me about his worry of me surviving. I actually kept my cool and pointed out to him that everything he saying is from a perspective of failure or negativity. I said to him instead of saying you’re worried about me surviving why don’t you say I really want you to thrive? and he just looked at me. I said to him he has been critical of me my whole life. I told him that he continuously told me I wasn’t good enough. My report cards weren’t good enough. My efforts were good enough, he always pointed out deficiencies. He paused and then looked at the floor, and then said I don’t remember being so critical of you. At that moment, I could’ve completely lost my mind on him, but I didn’t. I just took a deep breath and sat there with it and let him sit in that empty space after he said that. Big picture is he wanted to express his concern and care for me. But he came at me, totally negative like you’re not gonna survive you’re going to fail. And that is not a great message to come at me with because I will just flip you off and tell you to go fucking sit and spin. I’ve had a big Shift I don’t put up with anyone’s shit anymore. I don’t have time for it and if they don’t like it, they can fuck off. I have appeased everyone I’ve encountered in my life. I’ve always put their needs and concerns before mine, and this may be one of the first time in my life where I am asserting myself. Anyway, I’ll stop there at my long-winded text. Let me know on the money situation as soon as you can because if you can’t, then I am going to need to walk downstairs and ask my parents for more money

Oct 08, 2023 10:50:45 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

G’day Sounds like a good interaction and communication with your Dad. Money is super tight here too. Let me see what the month looks like and see if it’s possible. Question- your monthly must have is what? $435 car $200 meds $750 food $1000 rent (Cali - room in shared house) Is this accurate?

Oct 08, 2023 11:37:15 AM Me

Yes, unless I start with Camping ⛺️ at Lake Casitas for a bit

Oct 08, 2023 11:37:48 AM Me

I have cc bills but talking with someone about a loan

Oct 08, 2023 11:38:58 AM Me

Been in the 90s with heat warnings this week

Oct 08, 2023 11:46:29 AM +13038752587

So, roughly $2500/month if you rent?

Oct 08, 2023 11:47:38 AM Me

Yeah

Oct 08, 2023 11:48:10 AM Me

Plus cc’s but that may change this week

Oct 08, 2023 12:16:52 PM Me

No rush , but do Need to know in case I need to scramble 😁

Oct 08, 2023 12:25:47 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Just reviewed- I don’t have it. 🙁

Oct 08, 2023 12:26:51 PM Me

Okay 👍

Oct 08, 2023 12:26:55 PM +13038752587

In fact, I have to hustle to meet our rent on the 15th

Oct 08, 2023 12:27:48 PM Me

I don’t know how I’ll make it across the country. No money and all my cc’s are maxed

Oct 08, 2023 12:28:16 PM Me

Have some credit on one of my electric car charging accts

Oct 08, 2023 12:28:33 PM Me

Otherwise nada.

Oct 08, 2023 12:28:39 PM Me

Basically fucked

Oct 08, 2023 12:28:55 PM Me

Car will go to collections now.

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Oct 08, 2023 12:32:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Are you current with payments? They don’t send you to collections for missing one payment

Oct 08, 2023 12:32:37 PM ⇲ Me

Been late 3 times

Oct 08, 2023 12:29:41 PM Me

No car, no job, no family, only thing left to give up is my life

Oct 08, 2023 12:30:27 PM Me

Just venting

Oct 08, 2023 12:31:38 PM +13038752587

Suggestion - before you ask for assistance from your parents, have a plan. I need $3500 to get set back up in CA. This includes getting there, renting a room, food, meds, and car. I will be getting whatever job I can get to pay monthly bills while I continue to apply for career type job.

Oct 08, 2023 12:32:01 PM Me

My father believes that if he keeps paying I’ll keep “sitting on my ass”

Oct 08, 2023 12:32:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Are you current with payments? They don’t send you to collections for missing one payment
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Oct 08, 2023 12:32:21 PM Me

Already into him for over 6k

Oct 08, 2023 12:32:37 PM ⇱ Me

Been late 3 times
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Oct 08, 2023 12:32:47 PM Me

Money issues

Oct 08, 2023 12:32:56 PM +13038752587

But are you current

Oct 08, 2023 12:33:04 PM Me

I spoke to an agent on the phone on Friday. She told me if my payment isn’t in that it goes to collections.

Oct 08, 2023 12:33:11 PM Me

I am not current I am a payment behind

Oct 08, 2023 12:33:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ahh

Oct 08, 2023 12:34:01 PM Me

I had previously asked my father for money to cover the car through October. I put that money in my checking account. Some other fucking Bill came in and took money out, and automatic payment. Then my account didn’t have enough to cover the car, so it got bounced and I thought it was paid, so I got fucked over by the machines and my father’s gonna look at me like I have six fucking heads

Oct 08, 2023 12:34:36 PM Me

I spoke to the credit card company. I told them I’ve been unemployed for six months. I told him I’m going through a divorce. I told him I don’t have a place to live. I told him I have some shit going on in my life and that there’s just no humanity. It’s fucking capitalism. It’s brutal.

Oct 08, 2023 12:35:13 PM Me

Now I know how people become homeless because I’m on that fucking path right now

Oct 08, 2023 12:35:43 PM Me

Sometimes dude, I just wanna give up too fucking tired

Oct 08, 2023 12:36:24 PM Me

I’ll figure it out. Hope you have a good rest of the day. Don’t worry about me. I always somehow figure this shit out but this feels closer than I’ve come to losing shit

Oct 08, 2023 12:37:04 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

I think if you come with a plan, tell him the truth, all of it and say you understand you need to get an hourly job until a better opportunity shows up

Oct 08, 2023 12:37:42 PM Me

I had that conversation with him yesterday. He kept asking me how are you going to survive, I said when I get out there, I’ll have to get some kind of fucking job until I can get what I’m after interviewing.

Oct 08, 2023 12:38:01 PM Me

I told him I can camp. I don’t mind it I like camping and it won’t be that fucking cold anyway.

Oct 08, 2023 12:38:28 PM Me

I honestly don’t need much I don’t need an apartment or a room I can live in the car. I camped across the country in my car it’s fine.

Oct 08, 2023 12:38:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I personally would stop paying credit cards, cancel all autopay’s and get on a cash basis life.

Oct 08, 2023 12:39:11 PM Me

All I know is I looked at my father, and said there’s no way I’m not going. I made a promise to my kid, and if I sat here and let soccer season go by, that would haunt me the rest of my life.

Oct 08, 2023 12:41:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Then make it happen. Set aside ego, pride ask for the help you need and then do what it takes - their are all sorts of

Oct 08, 2023 12:41:31 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Hourly jobs

Oct 08, 2023 12:42:22 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Tasker, Lyft etc. there are many options

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Oct 08, 2023 12:43:02 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I know you know this - just make the decision and take the next step

Oct 08, 2023 12:43:59 PM ⇲ Me

Let me see if I can get my retirement account liquidated and before I ask him for more big money. If I can’t get that money to move, then I ask him tonight.

Oct 08, 2023 12:44:09 PM ⇲ Me

That’s a plan

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Oct 08, 2023 12:40:53 PM Me

I think I actually may have a few thousand dollars in a 401(k) account somewhere. I could just liquidate that but I think I only get 50% because I’m pulling it early and the government eats half of it if you do that.

Oct 08, 2023 12:41:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Then make it happen. Set aside ego, pride ask for the help you need and then do what it takes - their are all sorts of
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Oct 08, 2023 12:41:22 PM Me

What I’m getting at is to make the trip I can probably withdraw that money and have my ass covered. But what I’m still lacking is the 200 bucks to get the auto loan company off my ass before they start fucking with me tomorrow.

Oct 08, 2023 12:41:31 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Hourly jobs
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Oct 08, 2023 12:42:22 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Tasker, Lyft etc. there are many options

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Oct 08, 2023 12:42:32 PM Me

He also asked me how the hell are you going to interview or respond to people driving across the country. I reminded him that I stop every hour and a half for anywhere from half an hour to 45 minutes to recharge the car. I have plenty of time to read email. I have plenty of time to plan a call in the future, and I can easily take a break and do the interview on my phone from wherever

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Oct 08, 2023 12:42:37 PM Me

Except Utah

Oct 08, 2023 12:43:02 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I know you know this - just make the decision and take the next step
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Oct 08, 2023 12:43:15 PM Me

I know I can work out all that shit this week. My plan is to leave one week from today and start my trek towards you guys.

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Oct 08, 2023 12:43:59 PM ⇱ Me

Let me see if I can get my retirement account liquidated and before I ask him for more big money. If I can’t get that money to move, then I ask him tonight.
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Oct 08, 2023 12:44:09 PM ⇱ Me

That’s a plan

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Oct 08, 2023 12:44:45 PM Me

I could also ask my brother, but I bet he’s in a squeeze like you. With the kids and all the activities and shit your money is spread out thin I know that from experience.

Oct 08, 2023 12:45:13 PM Me

I honestly wasn’t expecting you to have it, but I thought I would ask :-)

Oct 08, 2023 12:45:40 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wish I did

Oct 08, 2023 12:46:40 PM ⇲ Me

Same. There’s this guy that gives away money on Twitter every day. 1000 here 2000 there. I shit you not he does it every week multiple times a week. Look up @PULTE.

Oct 08, 2023 12:46:21 PM Me

Oct 08, 2023 12:46:21 PM Me

Turner the century postcard of the old Waterford Townhall that burned down I’m doing a big watercolor of it for my dad

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Oct 08, 2023 12:46:40 PM ⇱ Me

Same. There’s this guy that gives away money on Twitter every day. 1000 here 2000 there. I shit you not he does it every week multiple times a week. Look up @PULTE.
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Oct 08, 2023 1:10:30 PM Me

I just looked. If I withdraw 10k, I’ll have 7800 in my account

Oct 08, 2023 1:41:14 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

If you go this way - only take what you need

Oct 08, 2023 1:41:58 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Heading out of service in 20m

Oct 08, 2023 1:43:05 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Will a bank give you a loan against this - that way you don’t get penalized but can access the funds

Oct 08, 2023 1:45:06 PM Me

I have no idea how long things will go on so I’m taking everything I can. And then let’s say I get a gig. I’ll just put what I have. Whatever I have left back.

Oct 08, 2023 1:45:24 PM Me

I’ll put what I have left back into the Account

Oct 08, 2023 1:46:21 PM Me

There’s only 19 K in there will only let me take out 13 tops. That way oh after taxes, I think I’ll have to get 10 in my pocket. That will cover car payments insurance payments for the car and credit card payments for many months. In fact, my cover me all the way to February and not have to worry about cooing.

Oct 08, 2023 1:46:43 PM Me

Coaching

Oct 08, 2023 3:13:15 PM Me

Hey, was thinking. I’m going to get the money this week. If I pay you back by Friday could that work?

Oct 08, 2023 5:54:39 PM Me

Ok $55 is all I need to borrow until Friday. Russ is hooked me up with 145. Once I get the money I can pay bills and get some stress off my back

Oct 08, 2023 7:21:36 PM Me

Actually hold on

Oct 08, 2023 8:30:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Would it be possible to borrow $100 until Friday? I would like to avoid my dad if I can. LMK. I need to make the payment on Monday.

Oct 08, 2023 8:47:00 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

I can confirm with you in the morning.

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Oct 09, 2023 7:00:00 AM Me

Hola 👋 My gift 🎁 to you today.

Oct 09, 2023 7:00:03 AM Me

https://insig.ht/xLzxWgcYKDb

Oct 09, 2023 7:01:57 AM Me

She dropped 6 new meditations. I vibe with this teacher. She hits me at my core over and over and over. One of the teachers, I continuously listen to when I was jeep on the dark side. I attribute much of her teaching and helping me stay tethered to earth.

Oct 09, 2023 7:02:19 AM Me

And you of course 😁

Oct 09, 2023 7:03:19 AM Me

Once you get through your morning routine and sit down in front of the machine, if you could let me know about that hundred bucks that would be super Duper. Hope you have a great Monday, I am now in Countdown ‎ mode because I am driving out this Sunday. This week will be busy with applications and packing.

Oct 09, 2023 7:04:01 AM Me

Right now I don’t know how many days it will take me to get to the front range. I’m not sure yet about stopping in Des Moines. If Heidi is still there, I’ll stop, but she may take off to California before I get there.

Oct 09, 2023 7:04:26 AM Me

She has her Airbnb rental starting this Sunday the 16th

Oct 09, 2023 7:04:38 AM Me

In the game show of the world, Burbank, California

Oct 09, 2023 9:49:57 AM Me

👋

Oct 09, 2023 10:12:06 AM (Read by you after 54 seconds) +13038752587

Back to back calls - be free in 45

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Oct 09, 2023 10:13:17 AM Me

I may be hiking 🥾😁

Oct 09, 2023 10:13:27 AM Me

Have ventured beyond the yard in two days

Oct 09, 2023 11:06:18 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Text me when your back

Oct 09, 2023 11:06:36 AM Me

Hey, all good on payment. I got it covered 👍👍

Oct 09, 2023 11:08:51 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎

Oct 09, 2023 11:09:54 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Things are coming together as you prepare for the next step 😁

Oct 09, 2023 11:24:05 AM Me

Car payment made. Just called and spoke to an agent and they took my information but couldn’t process it because it’s Columbus Day.🤦‍♂️ that being said I was assured everything is fine. They made a note in my file that I called today they read me everything back. They said today’s date is the day I am making the payment so everything is cool and the gang Next step is confirming with TIAA the connection to my checking account. They are depositing two different things probably two cents and four cents kind of thing I have to confirm that and then I can get the money transfer

Oct 09, 2023 11:24:49 AM Me

I’d rather take out that money and take the hit since it’s my money and who knows I could get hit by a bus after Darragh graduates then I spent the money well. I think about it if you were in my shoes and had that resource sitting there. It is my money, so why wouldn’t I use it? Let me know what you think about that

Oct 09, 2023 11:26:51 AM Me

Let me rephrase that it looks like spaghetti above, If you were in my shoes, and had $20,000 of your money sitting in a 401(k), not knowing if you’ll ever see a retirement, yet are in a pinch in your life, having to keep your commitment to your kid, while at the same time still hunting for jobs. It gives you a bit of a cushion, look at it as more runway. What do you think? Does it sound kosher or feel kosher to you?

Oct 09, 2023 12:22:46 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 27 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The only reason I can think of to not use the funds is if you have another means available If you had to - life and death scenario - make 10k this week, what would you do

Oct 09, 2023 12:29:43 PM ⇲ Me

Sell a kidney

Oct 09, 2023 12:42:28 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Funny - not funny

Oct 09, 2023 11:35:34 AM Me

By the way, I just got confirmation for my car payment, so… I came close 😰😥😅 And this is not the first and probably not the last time until I get myself solidly on my feet again

Oct 09, 2023 11:37:09 AM Me

Out why the universe didn’t drop that money idea into my head until now. I would’ve likely blown through all that money this summer thinking I would’ve had a job by now. And then I wouldn’t have it right now to get me through Feb 😨 But I do and literally within days of needing it if not, hours

Oct 09, 2023 12:10:21 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Today is the day that matters. If you have a store of food for the future and you are starving but don’t touch the store out of fear that you will not have it for future needs, then the store will be there in the future but you will not.

Oct 09, 2023 12:12:30 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 35 seconds) +13038752587

As for he near future, you now have a hard deadline, no time to dolly, no time for dally. What’s the plan of action when you get back to Cali?

Oct 09, 2023 12:14:41 PM Me

I’ll be there on or before Nov 1st

Oct 09, 2023 12:15:15 PM Me

Already have a plan for this week

Oct 09, 2023 12:15:26 PM Me

Takeoff Sunday

Oct 09, 2023 12:22:46 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 27 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The only reason I can think of to not use the funds is if you have another means available If you had to - life and death scenario - make 10k this week, what would you do
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Oct 09, 2023 12:23:58 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Just got this in my messages “KEEP GOING just one more day... You're probably making more progress than you realize you are, even if it's not showing yet. There is such a thing as "invisible progress". So get BUSY. Put in the WORK. And DON'T QUIT.

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Oct 09, 2023 12:29:43 PM ⇱ Me

Sell a kidney
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Oct 09, 2023 12:31:37 PM Me

I have 3 paintings going now. I’ve got the process almost down. More time until mastery but I’ll get there

Oct 09, 2023 12:42:28 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Funny - not funny
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Oct 09, 2023 12:43:03 PM Me

It’s possible I could get 50 K for it

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Oct 09, 2023 12:43:10 PM +13038752587

Nice work

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Oct 10, 2023 10:01:15 AM Me

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Oct 10, 2023 10:36:17 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Good day

Oct 10, 2023 10:36:52 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 59 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

What’s your password to jet pack? Need to get Trees site out of safe mode

Oct 10, 2023 12:36:39 PM Me

Hi

Oct 10, 2023 12:39:01 PM Me

Let me look

Oct 10, 2023 12:56:19 PM Me

Hey there, so there was some kind of weird disconnect. Nobody was connected the way I saw it, so I went ahead and connected it to my Jetpack account that’s associated with my Google email address, so I’m connected in control and can control it, but I can also transfer it to you or Tricia, however, you need to have a word press.com/.org login

Oct 10, 2023 1:08:15 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll set one up for her

Oct 10, 2023 1:11:35 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Btw- like the LI posts. Thought 💭 Create a subject for your posts… AI for Design or AI for UI/UX Then make posts that connect to this subject.

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Oct 10, 2023 2:15:05 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Please Transfer to tree4015@hotmail.com

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Oct 11, 2023 8:31:37 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning Great message from Gary Vee

Oct 11, 2023 8:31:49 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

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Oct 11, 2023 8:32:06 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 11, 2023 9:00:19 AM Me

My internal critic would scare the fuck out of anybody

Oct 11, 2023 9:02:59 AM Me

🤣

Oct 11, 2023 9:03:12 AM Me

It’s a version of my father

Oct 11, 2023 9:26:56 AM Me

Why a search engine that scans your face is dangerous

Oct 11, 2023 9:26:58 AM Me

NPR

Oct 11, 2023 10:55:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

How goes today?

Oct 11, 2023 10:56:18 AM Me

I’ve got my bank acct confirmed with TIAA and submitted for the withdrawal. Could hit as early as Friday

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Oct 11, 2023 11:08:30 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Ok -debugging mobile issue in Trees site

Oct 11, 2023 11:09:03 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 11, 2023 11:09:23 AM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

The overlay links to the top of the page?

Oct 11, 2023 11:09:45 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 11, 2023 11:10:59 AM Me

Oh, that’s not right, I don’t know why it’s doing that. Maybe the video link is broken

Oct 11, 2023 11:13:13 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Video link works without overlay, but then it’s just a white screen fir video instead of pretty picture

Oct 11, 2023 11:13:26 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

I will ping support

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Oct 11, 2023 11:11:15 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

And here the video is not showing

Oct 11, 2023 11:11:25 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Oct 11, 2023 11:13:13 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Video link works without overlay, but then it’s just a white screen fir video instead of pretty picture
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 11, 2023 11:13:26 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

I will ping support

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Oct 11, 2023 11:19:01 AM Me

FYI, it will be just me stopping in Colorado, Heidi is not tag teaming with me. She’s going at a different time because of her moving out of her apartment schedule. If I do leave on Sunday, I estimate getting to the front range either Thursday or Friday morning. The plan is to spend the night at Tre and Dan‘s. See them. See your mom, then the next morning I hope my car makes it over Eisenhower pass and then , I’ll visit with you guys

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Oct 11, 2023 11:19:55 AM Me

Depending on how many days there are until the beginning of November, I know I want to stop at Zion and hike angels Peak so thinking I may stay with you for certainly one maybe two nights

Oct 11, 2023 11:20:17 AM Me

Reassess when that is my reality

Oct 11, 2023 11:26:32 AM Me

So you guys plan on seeing me not this weekend coming up but the weekend after. Check your schedule to see if you guys will be in town, if you have festivals, birthday parties, etc. I just wanna know what you guys are up to. Don’t change your schedule for me I’m fine, just want to know and plan ahead.

Oct 11, 2023 1:20:06 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

We should be here

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Oct 11, 2023 11:27:27 AM Me

PS. When that money hits my account, I’m gonna feel a gigantic weight come off my shoulders, almost if I can breathe again.

Oct 11, 2023 11:27:27 AM Me

When I take breaks from the computer, I do some painting, then go back to the computer. Got a nice rhythm now to this.

Oct 11, 2023 11:27:27 AM Me

🙃

Oct 11, 2023 11:27:27 AM Me

I also know it’s the last cushion I have to Land on

Oct 11, 2023 12:45:36 PM (Read by them after 17 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

Vengeance is not the path to dissolving hatred. The fires of hatred are extinguished through loving-kindness and forgiveness.

Oct 11, 2023 12:45:44 PM (Read by them after 16 minutes, 55 seconds) Me

We often think the most challenging moments to our practice are in the hardest times in life. But in truth, suffering motivates us to change. The most challenging moments for us to be mindful of impermanence, are when we are most comfortable.

Oct 11, 2023 1:01:05 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 34 seconds) Me

“Home is not where you were born; home is where all your attempts to escape cease.”​ — Naguib Mahfouz

Oct 11, 2023 1:20:06 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

We should be here

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Oct 12, 2023 9:07:51 AM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?i=1000630733903

Oct 12, 2023 9:47:56 AM Me

X (formerly Twitter)

Oct 12, 2023 9:48:23 AM Me

| Btw, I bought a subscription to ChatGPT for and I am using plug-ins now 😁
Edited 13 seconds later | Btw, I bought a subscription to ChatGPT 4 and I am using plug-ins now 😁

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Oct 12, 2023 9:49:06 AM Me

Having it help me with the job search. Also, I’ve got an idea that I will email you about. It’s an idea for my website to change it up a bit to maybe make it a bit more interesting and engaging.

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Oct 12, 2023 9:49:22 AM Me

But I want to get feedback before I go plowing forward

Oct 13, 2023 6:58:17 AM Me

Happy Friday 😁

Oct 13, 2023 6:59:11 AM Me

How are you? How goes making monthly nut 🌰 🐿️ ???

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Oct 13, 2023 7:06:14 AM Me

Oct 13, 2023 7:07:40 AM Me

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Mmmm 💭 🤔

Oct 13, 2023 7:30:54 AM Me

https://insig.ht/e/1HCI4qkERDb

Oct 13, 2023 8:43:34 AM Me

Hey, are you alive? Tell me about the snow. Should I buy chains before I takeoff from here?

Oct 13, 2023 9:15:05 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, came to front range last night - Doctors and Dentists today. At Memes

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Oct 13, 2023 9:17:00 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

I would wait and see if any snow ❄️ is called for when you are here. Depending on he amount you may need them if there’s going to be snow

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Oct 13, 2023 10:42:51 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Yesterday I had the idea of emailing Jeff Hooper the new head of school at Thacher and asking if there might be housing for me on campus during soccer season.

Oct 13, 2023 10:43:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I can be on the other side of campus, that would work for me. I would be close to the soccer field and travel on the opposite side of campus from her.

Oct 13, 2023 10:43:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would see the boys and the dogs

Oct 13, 2023 10:44:53 AM Me

I asked for a place during soccer season until I can find a gig and get on my feet. I’ve been coaching since 2018 and they’ve never paid me a single penny, so I’m hopeful that may play for something 😊

Oct 13, 2023 10:45:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know there is a small studio space for “visiting scholar of soccer”

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Oct 13, 2023 11:04:15 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Did you email him?

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Oct 13, 2023 11:24:47 AM ⇲ Me

Took me an hour and 15 to write an edit it, but it’s perfect email

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Oct 13, 2023 11:04:29 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

View from Longmont

Oct 13, 2023 11:04:53 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Pretty white peaks

Oct 13, 2023 11:08:08 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

It will melt off in a day or two

Oct 13, 2023 11:08:36 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

A hint if winter to come

Oct 13, 2023 11:24:47 AM ⇱ Me

Took me an hour and 15 to write an edit it, but it’s perfect email

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Oct 15, 2023 9:26:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wut up?

Oct 15, 2023 9:27:55 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

At Tree and Don- dons bday breakfast

Oct 15, 2023 9:28:07 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

You on the road

Oct 15, 2023 9:44:19 AM Me

No

Oct 15, 2023 9:44:31 AM Me

Tomorrow is the day

Oct 15, 2023 9:44:46 AM Me

Buttoning everything up today

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Oct 15, 2023 11:05:21 AM Me

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Oct 15, 2023 12:17:47 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Be sure to send final photos of paintings

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Oct 15, 2023 12:18:20 PM Me

I should have five complete today. They’re all sort of in the same spot and I’m trying to get them wrapped up so I can leave because they’re for my parents and my brother.

Oct 15, 2023 3:32:34 PM Me

They’re drying and then I’m framing One for my parents, and one for my brother as a thank for putting up with me and my shit. You might know what it is let me know.

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Oct 15, 2023 7:47:27 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

3rd street bridge to the island

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Oct 15, 2023 7:47:43 PM Me

Close, 2nd st

Oct 15, 2023 7:48:18 PM Me

God willing in the creeks don’t rise. I will have my car packed in the morning and hit the road. I will let you know.

Oct 15, 2023 8:53:33 PM Me

Not doing ok Every once in a while the pain of being rejected by both women and prospective employers over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over over and over and over and over again makes the floodgates open. Im stuffing it down and unconscious when it happens. That is until what I’m experiencing right now which is a huge amount of crying a lot of shame and just feeling unwanted. I always tell myself to stop it and keep going, keep pushing. But I ALWAYS end up here. Moments like this when I want to checkout. I’m also reminded that I’ll be back in Ojai’s energy soon. And near Elizabeth. I have no idea if she’s dating or seeing someone, but if I get back there, and that’s happening while I’m still jobless, homeless, and loveless… That will push me over the edge ☠️☠️☠️

Oct 15, 2023 10:24:16 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 15 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Keep the faith😍

Oct 16, 2023 10:04:31 AM Me

Flesh wound

Oct 16, 2023 10:36:24 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 19 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Keep it for Halloween 👻

Oct 16, 2023 7:56:58 PM Me

TikTok

Oct 17, 2023 10:49:38 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have access to the new features on ChatGPT yet?

Oct 17, 2023 12:48:16 PM Me

Haven’t looked. Packed all day yesterday, and then drove, and I’ve been driving since 730 this morning.

Oct 17, 2023 12:48:35 PM Me

I can look later I think I got two more hops until I stop maybe three

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Oct 18, 2023 8:24:34 PM Me

Oct 19, 2023 8:36:35 AM Me

Hey 👋

Oct 19, 2023 8:39:41 AM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

Bonjour

Oct 19, 2023 8:41:11 AM Me

How is the project hunting / monthly nut hunt going?

Oct 19, 2023 8:41:32 AM Me

In Des Moines. On the thread, I don’t need to repeat myself, you know

Oct 19, 2023 8:42:11 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

In fast pursuit 🐆

Oct 19, 2023 8:45:42 AM Me

Tired and defeated here

Oct 19, 2023 8:46:47 AM Me

The boys were asking me where I’m staying when I arrive in California, and I don’t have the guts to tell them I don’t have anywhere to live and that I’m gonna be camping because I can’t find a job

Oct 19, 2023 8:46:58 AM Me

Ashamed

Oct 19, 2023 8:47:08 AM Me

Loser

Oct 19, 2023 8:47:31 AM +13038752587

Judgements based on conditioning

Oct 19, 2023 8:47:53 AM +13038752587

Feel your way through them and be done with them

Oct 19, 2023 8:48:18 AM +13038752587

What happen with Thacher housing

Oct 19, 2023 8:48:41 AM Me

not happening, they don’t have space

Oct 19, 2023 8:48:50 AM +13038752587

Bummer

Oct 19, 2023 8:49:08 AM +13038752587

Ok - so rent a room for now -

Oct 19, 2023 8:49:19 AM Me

I’m going to lake casitas to camp as of now

Oct 19, 2023 8:49:32 AM Me

I don’t wanna rent a room I can’t share space with strangers

Oct 19, 2023 8:49:47 AM Me

I just don’t need the added stress

Oct 19, 2023 8:50:23 AM Me

Won’t be able to relax at all

Oct 19, 2023 8:50:54 AM Me

Hell I can’t relax now 🤣

Oct 19, 2023 8:51:10 AM +13038752587

There are rooms set up as effiencies with private entrance and bath - don’t reall need to interact

Oct 19, 2023 8:51:30 AM +13038752587

A thought 💭 anyways

Oct 19, 2023 8:51:36 AM Me

After enough rejection from prospective employers and women it starts to sink in

Oct 19, 2023 8:51:42 AM Me

No one wants you

Oct 19, 2023 8:52:15 AM +13038752587

Well - I have found it’s about networking

Oct 19, 2023 8:52:16 AM Me

I don’t want me sometimes

Oct 19, 2023 8:52:20 AM +13038752587

For both

Oct 19, 2023 8:52:46 AM Me

I have no networks.

Oct 19, 2023 8:52:59 AM +13038752587

Start creating them

Oct 19, 2023 8:53:01 AM Me

Never been able to stay connected to people

Oct 19, 2023 8:53:14 AM Me

Part of the way my brain works

Oct 19, 2023 8:53:16 AM +13038752587

That’s because if self talk

Oct 19, 2023 8:53:26 AM Me

No

Oct 19, 2023 8:53:35 AM Me

Been whole life

Oct 19, 2023 8:54:00 AM Me

I don’t have one person I’m connected with from my college years, I have one person who I’m no longer connected with from high school because he pissed me off with a comment, and I refuse to talk with him again. And professionally, I don’t have any friends from old jobs?

Oct 19, 2023 8:54:24 AM Me

I think I can count the number of people I have any kind of serious connection with on one hand

Oct 19, 2023 8:54:33 AM +13038752587

I feel you, I deal with that too Self perception may be a better statement

Oct 19, 2023 8:54:38 AM Me

It’s sad, but it’s my life

Oct 19, 2023 8:54:53 AM Me

I like not bothering people

Oct 19, 2023 8:54:55 AM +13038752587

It’s many peoples life , especially men

Oct 19, 2023 8:55:16 AM +13038752587

See that statement Bothering people - hum

Oct 19, 2023 8:55:23 AM Me

Yeah that’s where I’m headed, lonely old man

Oct 19, 2023 8:55:33 AM Me

Walmart greeter

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Oct 19, 2023 8:55:45 AM +13038752587

Believe it or not people enjoy you

Oct 19, 2023 8:57:29 AM ⇲ Me

My read is that people tolerate me until they can get away

Oct 19, 2023 8:55:58 AM Me

I had it all and I lost it

Oct 19, 2023 8:56:31 AM +13038752587

You had most of it - and you only lost some of it

Oct 19, 2023 8:57:00 AM +13038752587

Time will give you perspective

Oct 19, 2023 8:57:12 AM +13038752587

Ok lecture over 😀

Oct 19, 2023 8:57:29 AM ⇱ Me

My read is that people tolerate me until they can get away
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2023 8:57:49 AM Me

I’m sick of this

Oct 19, 2023 8:58:24 AM Me

Some days I don’t want to be alive and this is starting out like one

Oct 19, 2023 8:58:37 AM Me

😔

Oct 19, 2023 8:58:55 AM Me

Venting

Oct 19, 2023 8:59:02 AM +13038752587

Ultimately, you have to start with you. Accept you, love you, be you

Oct 19, 2023 8:59:06 AM Me

Feeling sorry for myself

Oct 19, 2023 8:59:10 AM +13038752587

Let it out

Oct 19, 2023 8:59:48 AM ⇲ Me

Been going on 5 years. It will never end. I have a lifetime of shit I’ve stuffed down.

Oct 19, 2023 8:59:14 AM Me

Self pity

Oct 19, 2023 8:59:48 AM ⇱ Me

Been going on 5 years. It will never end. I have a lifetime of shit I’ve stuffed down.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2023 9:00:14 AM Me

K

Oct 19, 2023 9:00:20 AM Me

Go work

Oct 19, 2023 9:00:47 AM +13038752587

When you getting on the road

Oct 19, 2023 9:00:59 AM +13038752587

When is your ETA in Longmont

Oct 19, 2023 9:01:45 AM Me

Trying to see Heidi and say hello before I leave. Waiting for her text

Oct 19, 2023 9:02:03 AM Me

Got in too late last night

Oct 19, 2023 9:02:29 AM Me

I pushed too hard yesterday and feel wiped out today

Oct 19, 2023 9:06:05 AM Me

Why has my whole life been silent suffering? Growing up fearing your father with zero sense he cared, only criticism. Those years planted the seeds of anxiety and depression plagueing me all my life

Oct 19, 2023 9:07:40 AM Me

I wasn’t even relaxed and happy on wedding day. Anxiety made it hard to be truly present

Oct 19, 2023 9:07:46 AM Me

Anyhow, rambling now I’ll talk to you later

Oct 19, 2023 9:08:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

😍

Oct 19, 2023 9:10:58 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Could be worth a listen 🎧 I have not listened yet but I like Ed

Oct 19, 2023 9:11:01 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Will your life be a WHISPER or a ROAR? I'm sharing my REVOLUTIONARY LIFE STRATEGY that I have only shared with my top coaching clients. Click the link to Watch/Listen!

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Oct 19, 2023 9:11:05 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

https://konect.to/edmylett?utm_source=community.com&utm_medium=sms&utm_campaign=77335c04-43ae-4b56-860b-182547f335a9&cmty_campaign=77335c04-43ae-4b56-860b-182547f335a9

Oct 19, 2023 10:01:48 AM Me

Longmont should be Saturday. Depends on how far I get today.

Oct 19, 2023 11:13:04 AM Me

"The only true and lasting capital that a successful person possesses is a strong and courageous mind. "

Oct 19, 2023 2:34:28 PM Me

Could you give me your address so I can have something shipped to your house from Amazon?

Oct 19, 2023 2:37:48 PM +13038752587

1476 Crawford Way Glenwood Springs CO 81601

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Oct 20, 2023 7:41:35 AM Me

I’m not sure what time I will hit Longmont but I’m pretty sure I’ll hit it today. Let me get across the border into Colorado and I’ll have a better idea of time range And if you could let tree and Don know that would be great. I know Don is aware. I’m on my way, but I’m not sure tree is.

Oct 20, 2023 9:13:56 AM Me

Yo

Oct 20, 2023 9:14:21 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Yo, Yo 🤪

Oct 20, 2023 9:14:39 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

I sent Tree a message

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Oct 20, 2023 9:14:51 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

You should reach out too

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Oct 21, 2023 9:21:25 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Are you spending a day in Longmont?

Oct 21, 2023 9:21:42 AM Me

Think so. I’m wiped out tired

Oct 21, 2023 9:22:17 AM Me

I’m rushing to nothing it seems

Oct 21, 2023 9:22:59 AM +13038752587

I bet - a couple of long days

Oct 21, 2023 9:23:14 AM Me

Feeling pretty worthless

Oct 21, 2023 9:38:02 AM Me

Some days I wake up and realize the suffering is always there. I carry it wherever I go. I’ve been in this headspace of rejection, depression and suffering for 5 years now and it’s been getting worse. “Why are you bothering?” Is a big theme. As if I’m not getting the message. Rejection from prospective employers, who I am clearly qualified to work with, and then personal life rejection. It’s too much to carry around feeling unwanted personally and professionally. The two primary spaces that people operate in. It’s always there for me. It just will never go away, that’s why I start thinking I should go away.

Oct 21, 2023 9:38:38 AM Me

Driving to California feels like the last chapter for me.

Oct 21, 2023 9:40:24 AM Me

I keep hanging around thinking things are going to get better, and all they’ve done is get worse and worse and not going anywhere.

Oct 21, 2023 9:42:36 AM Me

Things have gotten worse since my first visit to Longmont and thought that was the bottom. Nope, I keep taking down deeper and deeper and I don’t want to be alive anymore. I feel like I’m alive for the benefit of other people so that they don’t have to deal. Like Joanna said to me “doesn’t Liz have the choice to not be in her marriage?“ Well, yeah, just like I have the choice not to be alive anymore because it’s my choice .

Oct 21, 2023 9:43:15 AM Me

If anyone else was inside my skull, they would’ve checked out years ago. I honestly don’t know why the fuck I’m still here. Just more suffering.

Oct 21, 2023 9:44:22 AM Me

Part of it is self-pity, but part of it is serious. For real I don’t know how much more this I can do

Oct 21, 2023 9:48:14 AM Me

Vent

Oct 21, 2023 10:04:05 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Sending ❤️

Oct 21, 2023 10:04:21 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Girls are excited to see you

Oct 21, 2023 10:10:05 AM Me

I’m so low vibe and frequency right now that others sense it and give me space

Oct 21, 2023 10:13:40 AM Me

Just texted Heidi to let her know that I won’t bug her anymore. She asked for some space and I’ve been annoying her. She’s been gracious and I simply let her know if she’s interested in continuing staying connected to reach out

Oct 21, 2023 10:14:14 AM Me

Can put that in the rejection column

Oct 21, 2023 10:28:58 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 36 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I think you’re placing this in the wrong column. Your filter is set to see things through a rejection screen.

Oct 21, 2023 10:15:52 AM Me

Anyhow, I’ll put my mask on and head back into society

Oct 21, 2023 10:16:14 AM Me

Feeling incredibly defeated

Oct 21, 2023 10:28:58 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 36 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I think you’re placing this in the wrong column. Your filter is set to see things through a rejection screen.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 21, 2023 10:33:22 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 32 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

You must first see the gift you are, before you will accept that others see you as the gift you are.

Oct 21, 2023 10:38:56 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 26 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

And, I was happy you found Heidi and had a good experience. Right now may not be the time for you to enter into a serious relationship. A suggestion perhaps is to refrain from making things good/bad, right/wrong, accepted/rejected. Enjoy the experiences for the experience.

Oct 21, 2023 10:42:31 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 23 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Hum - along the lines of what you have been practicing. Could expand it. Insight timer

Oct 21, 2023 1:06:41 PM Me

Link?

Oct 21, 2023 1:21:26 PM Me

Question. How would you explain/ describe me to others in my online profile (dating kind)? I find it most interesting to read in someone’s bio how those closest see them. As you’ve experienced, I’m not accurate with subjective opinions about myself.

Oct 21, 2023 1:21:39 PM Me

Let me know if you need an example. I can copy paste one off of the app.

Oct 21, 2023 2:29:37 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Yes please

Oct 21, 2023 2:32:40 PM Me

We be chlliimg

Oct 21, 2023 5:39:45 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 19 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - any tasty winners

Oct 22, 2023 9:03:10 AM Me

Yes. I’m going to drive over today. Once I have car packed and charged.

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Oct 22, 2023 9:10:09 AM Me

I’m in a really tough mental state right now. Just a heads up. I’m low energy and feeling incredibly stressed and depressed right now. Been doing ideation again. Maybe I’m permanently mentally unstable? Been this way for years now and I’ve only gotten more aware, not better. I see all the issues and patterns of behavior, and no matter what I do nothing seems to ever feel or get better inside me. The answer to me has to come from inside me, and it’s not. I don’t know if it ever will, that’s why I’m asking the question am I just fucking broken and it’s never going to fix itself. I don’t know the answer to that I’m stuck . Heading to California I don’t think I’ve ever felt as unstable as I do now. I’m just not sure how to take this and what the fuck to do other to check the fuck out. I’ve actually been disappointed because I’ve woken up. At this has happened far more than I cared to admit.

Oct 22, 2023 9:10:46 AM Me

OK time to rally energy so that I can mask up for the day

Oct 22, 2023 10:12:28 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Drive safely- let me know when your on the road

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Oct 22, 2023 10:31:20 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Please remember my jacket and a willows boots -

Oct 22, 2023 10:59:56 AM Me

I have both your jacket and her boots in my car already 😁

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Oct 22, 2023 11:00:47 AM Me

right now I’m thinking of leaving maybe around 1 o’clock and get to you by say 5. I’m taking into account any chart, stopping and charging I’ll have 2do on the way

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Oct 22, 2023 1:10:45 PM Me

Packing car up. Leaving in next 20 mins

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Oct 22, 2023 3:26:25 PM Me

1/3 way there

Oct 22, 2023 3:26:29 PM Me

Georgetown

Oct 22, 2023 5:18:29 PM Me

Anything that I should stop at store for? I would love to not have to get back in the car and drive more 🤣🤣🤣

Oct 22, 2023 5:46:18 PM Me

Leaving now

Oct 22, 2023 6:01:39 PM Me

Past Avon

Oct 22, 2023 6:14:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) +13038752587

We don’t have adult beverages. Anything you may want - we have the staples but Monday is usually shopping day.

Oct 22, 2023 6:17:03 PM Me

OK, I'm happy to pick up adult beverages that you and Sara like as well. I realize it's a school night but one would not hurt. I'm about 35 minutes out, so get it to me ASAP.

Oct 22, 2023 6:46:28 PM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Cut water mango margarita

Oct 22, 2023 7:09:47 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 22, 2023 7:10:33 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Parking is limited. Pull up in front of house to unload. Then I’ll show you where we park when all spots are gone

Oct 22, 2023 7:25:13 PM Me

I’ve stopped at two stores, but I’ve got everything I need and I’m on my way to your house

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Oct 22, 2023 7:25:35 PM Me

Are the kids still awake or is it bedtime for school?

Oct 22, 2023 7:26:08 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

In bath now

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Oct 22, 2023 7:27:36 PM Me

Maps says 10 mins

Oct 22, 2023 7:27:41 PM Me

On my way!

Oct 24, 2023 3:25:26 PM Me

I realized I left my blueberry drink my yogurt and my two leftover pieces of pizza in the fridge so have at it. I’m in rifle right now juicing up for Grand Junction then I’ll be there Jason for the big push. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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Oct 24, 2023 4:47:41 PM Me

Meet me at Walmart in rifle

Oct 24, 2023 4:47:50 PM Me

Car is getting loaded this very minute

Oct 24, 2023 4:50:08 PM Me

1000 Airport Rd, Rifle, CO 81650

Oct 24, 2023 5:01:39 PM +13038752587

I’m at the auto care

Oct 24, 2023 5:01:51 PM Me

Cool

Oct 24, 2023 5:02:22 PM Me

We’re turning around in Parachute right now Was the first off ramp after my breakdown

Oct 24, 2023 5:02:42 PM Me

I’ll ping you when we’re off the exit

Oct 24, 2023 5:03:26 PM +13038752587

I’m going to go in and pick up trash bags - ping me when you are here

Oct 24, 2023 5:03:34 PM Me

Ok

Oct 24, 2023 5:22:59 PM Me

I’m at tire center

Oct 24, 2023 5:23:07 PM Me

Car getting dropp

Oct 24, 2023 5:23:12 PM Me

Dropped off

Oct 24, 2023 5:23:17 PM +13038752587

Cool

Oct 24, 2023 5:23:44 PM Me

Awesome

Oct 24, 2023 5:28:34 PM +13038752587

Shopping 😀. I’ll come back once I check out

Oct 24, 2023 5:36:58 PM Me

I’m inside the store right now. Where are you?

Oct 24, 2023 5:37:23 PM +13038752587

Grocery- opposite side as you

Oct 24, 2023 5:38:13 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Oct 24, 2023 5:38:17 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to checkout

Oct 24, 2023 5:38:48 PM Me

K

Oct 25, 2023 9:53:37 AM Me

Here’s what we couldn’t remember:

Oct 25, 2023 9:53:45 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Butch Cassidy Campground · 1050 S State St, Salina, UT 84654

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Oct 25, 2023 9:56:33 AM Me

Also, I want to let you know that I am eternally grateful for all you have done for me 🙏 Thank you for being a vent and soundboard for me all these years that shit has been upside down for me.

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Oct 25, 2023 9:57:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You are part of the soup that helped keep me on Earth

Oct 25, 2023 9:57:27 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Always here for you

Oct 25, 2023 10:01:10 AM Me

I was reflecting on yesterday even before I got to Green River last night. It’s weird, but I feel I was meant to meet the tow truck driver. His story about trying to help out this guy down on his luck was incredible to hear. His humanity and compassion were incredible and from a guy who if you saw him would never think that’s in him—judging book by cover. Dude gave me a hug after I thanked him and said goodbye. And his name? Matthew. Not Matt, Matthew. Thats how he introduced himself on the phone and you wouldn’t think that’s his name. His sense of calm was undeniable. Really interesting dude.

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Oct 25, 2023 10:01:39 AM Me

“Biblical” experience

Oct 25, 2023 10:12:50 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 3 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Got goosebumps reading this message

Oct 25, 2023 11:17:10 AM Me

Love the outside of the taco 🌮 shop

Oct 25, 2023 11:19:41 AM Me

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Oct 25, 2023 10:04:32 PM Me

129 2 nights 😛

Oct 25, 2023 10:05:26 PM Me

Headed to Zion on Friday morning to hike. And then I will head out to California and go as far as I can on Friday. I should arrive in Ojai on Saturday and will head directly to my storage space to unload crap from my car 😁

Oct 26, 2023 12:28:50 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Hola

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Oct 26, 2023 12:28:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How goes Thursday?

Oct 26, 2023 12:30:14 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Just got home from chaperone duties for Willow’s class

Oct 26, 2023 12:29:11 PM Me

Just scheduled Francis for Next Tuesday!!

Oct 26, 2023 12:29:11 PM Me

Stoked

Oct 26, 2023 12:29:26 PM Me

Even if I can be an advisor — I would love to be involved in some capacity.

Oct 26, 2023 12:30:14 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Just got home from chaperone duties for Willow’s class
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 26, 2023 12:31:11 PM Me

Cool

Oct 26, 2023 12:31:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have my application in for a permit tomorrow — crossing fingers! I’ll know just after 3pm. Pretty sure I’ll get one. I’m a party of 1, not 5 😊

Oct 26, 2023 12:32:09 PM Me

I’ll let you know if I get it.

Oct 26, 2023 12:32:58 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Stressed a bit / feeling lost on direction to go. Simplifying is the theme. Looking to abandon my half assed entrepreneurial journey. My focus was on spending time with the family that I feel I have been out of the loop

Oct 26, 2023 12:33:32 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Double down or hit refresh

Oct 26, 2023 12:35:31 PM Me

Balance is the key. You’ve woken up to imbalance — it’s good to have that awareness, and not be blind to it and self implode. 😊 Look at this as fortuitous!

Oct 26, 2023 12:36:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would advise NOT dumping your entrepreneurial ambitions completely. You’ve created a great network I and many are envious of — DONT lost that!!

Oct 26, 2023 12:37:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Time Box your week, Day by Day. FIrst put in the NON-Negotiables (walking kids to school, pickups, workout, meditation time, etc.) Then put in your work blocks. Break those up based on your own matrix of priotities and deliverables.

Oct 26, 2023 12:38:14 PM Me

I think you need a template to base your week of of instead of shooting from the hip.

Oct 26, 2023 12:38:38 PM Me

Adds extra subconscious stress — “not knowing what to work on next/now”

Oct 26, 2023 12:39:22 PM Me

The time boxing the week, day by day, creates a template you can modify easily and there are too many tools that can help you schedule that and setup all the reminders.

Oct 26, 2023 12:39:27 PM Me

Let me know what you think

Oct 26, 2023 4:11:50 PM Me

Hey Darrell, Liz says something she ordered from Amazon got delivered to you by mistake. I had left the address on there. Anyhow, she’s wondering if you could forward it back to her in Ojai I think you have my address ask me if not.

Oct 26, 2023 4:12:15 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Oct 27, 2023 11:24:06 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Have a great hike 😀

Oct 27, 2023 11:24:21 AM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Send some pictures of the journey

Oct 27, 2023 12:07:32 PM Me

Thanks very much. I’m on my way to Zion right now.

Oct 27, 2023 12:07:40 PM Me

All charged up and ready to go

Oct 27, 2023 8:52:56 PM Me

2 inch interesting observations from the hike today, number one actually two things both involved losing something. First one was a light on the ascent just slipped off my bag and I watched it bounce I couldn’t go after it because if I did, I would be dead. ☠️ it was a tiny, USB rechargeable light. I can replace for five bucks.

Oct 27, 2023 8:54:20 PM Me

Metaphorically speaking it as if I didn’t need the light anymore to help me see. The second thing that I lost this one on the descent. I had my bracelets on and my bracelet I got in Kona for Liz final at Iron Man. It got caught broken, half and just disappeared down the mountain. Again, metaphorically speaking very interesting

Oct 27, 2023 8:55:26 PM Me

What was wild was me being bummed for about two seconds for both items and just moved on. Typically I’d be whining about it inside my head. I never happened. Anyhow I’m just wandering through Walmart as I talk into my phone. I will stop now because I’m gonna go buy some beer, and then I’m gonna go sleep in my car because I’m fucking exhausted. Tomorrow I should easily be at Lake Casitas

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Oct 28, 2023 9:20:29 PM Me

Everything is getting emotional for me right now. The fact that I’m back here and I can’t go back to the place. I’ve lived for 25 years really fucking hurts and I don’t think I deserved that.

Oct 28, 2023 9:34:18 PM +13038752587

I feel you. I was thinking about you today. I’m here if you need to talk or just as a sounding board.

Oct 28, 2023 10:23:26 PM Me

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Oct 28, 2023 11:09:27 PM +13038752587

You have a warrior’s heart ❤️ and I’m proud of you for being there for Darragh’s senior season!

Oct 28, 2023 11:12:36 PM Me

That means a great deal to me. You’re probably the only one who can truly give an objective perspective of me. You know more than anyone else other than me. You know more than my brother, my parents and Liz and the boys. So like I said in the video, I’m super grateful. you and everything you’ve done to help me keep my feet on the planet and not check out I had more than one chance , I would say legitimately there were four good chances. 2014. 2018, 2019, 2020

Oct 28, 2023 11:13:03 PM Me

I could add 2021 in there too. It really wasn’t until last year that I started to crawl out of the basement.

Oct 28, 2023 11:14:56 PM Me

It would’ve been super easy for me to check out and then pass all my pain onto the boys to carry the rest of their lives. Even if I left a note or a video, there’s still would’ve been questions unanswered and it would bother them greatly. I’m so glad that I did not do that and that I’m carrying all of my pain and suffering myself. The last thing I want to do is to provide fuel to the fire of generational suffering That is passed down from father to son on and on

Oct 28, 2023 11:15:31 PM Me

So instead, tomorrow, I’ll drive to Ojai storage dump all my crap off quickly and then zip up to campus pick up Declan and Darragh and both dogs, and then we will drive to Starbucks for our typical weekend run, and the puppies will get Papa chinos

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Oct 28, 2023 11:16:20 PM Me

I’m really looking forward to that. I don’t know if I told you, but I bought both of them a really nice top shelf, soccer ball, then today at the outlets, Nike was running a deal and I got Anne and then at the Adidas store I got them cool zip up tops training or hanging out

Oct 28, 2023 11:17:27 PM Me

OK I’m gonna shut up now. I’m still sitting here watching the waves come in and I’m gonna go crash at Walmart in Ventura and sleep in my driver seat. I’m going so Lofi tough

Oct 28, 2023 11:17:35 PM Me

Tonight

Oct 28, 2023 11:17:40 PM Me

Not tough

Oct 28, 2023 11:18:12 PM Me

I’ve gotten incredibly comfortable sleeping in my car. And when I can jump off a bunch of my shit to the storage place, it will be like I’ve gone from a twin bed to a king make that a California king.

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Oct 28, 2023 11:18:54 PM Me

I honestly have no qualms about sleeping in my car

Oct 28, 2023 11:19:04 PM Me

I’d rather enjoy it

Oct 28, 2023 11:19:43 PM Me

Gives me much more of the pneumatic sense of my life which I’m really drawn to. Not necessarily having a permanent location, rather, I’m in places for weeks or a month and off I go.

Oct 28, 2023 11:21:05 PM ⇲ +13038752587

The inner adventurer

Oct 28, 2023 11:20:43 PM Me

Pneumatic equals nomadic

Oct 28, 2023 11:21:05 PM ⇱ +13038752587

The inner adventurer
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 28, 2023 11:21:19 PM Me

If I can get solid remote gig with Benny’s, then I can be fluid and I would love that

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Oct 28, 2023 11:21:54 PM Me

The goal would be to end up with one of those really awesome Mercedes camper vans that’s customized to the shit and that’s Home

Oct 28, 2023 11:22:11 PM Me

If I could get something electric, that would be amazing but I only think their gas powered right now

Oct 28, 2023 11:22:15 PM +13038752587

Get me one too 😀

Oct 28, 2023 11:23:01 PM +13038752587

Amazon has electric trucks - so soon we should have electric camper vans

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Oct 28, 2023 11:23:06 PM Me

That would be instead of having a house. Right now about 100 grand with all the pills and whistles

Oct 28, 2023 11:23:49 PM +13038752587

I think it’s a great plan

Oct 28, 2023 11:24:59 PM Me

Right now that’s the plan. That being said, if I met a really special lady who had a home she didn’t wanna leave I would certainly snuggle up to that😴

Oct 28, 2023 11:25:35 PM +13038752587

😀

Oct 28, 2023 11:25:44 PM Me

but I’d still want to road trip. I’ve never been to the Dakota’s or Montana or Wisconsin. I need to get to the central north of the country.

Oct 28, 2023 11:26:16 PM +13038752587

Indeed there’s beautiful country out there

Oct 28, 2023 11:26:36 PM Me

exactly dude you should think about getting property in Montana and building there

Oct 28, 2023 11:26:43 PM Me

The plan for once the kids are grown

Oct 28, 2023 11:28:10 PM Me

Just note that in 10 years your kids will be 15 and 17

Oct 28, 2023 11:28:27 PM +13038752587

We have thought about it and it’s still on the list. Check out Kalispell and Whitefish. We seriously considered the area

Oct 28, 2023 11:28:32 PM Me

and you will be far more hands off than you anticipate

Oct 28, 2023 11:29:17 PM Me

preteens are self-sufficient inside the home, and confident teenagers are self-sufficient outside the home

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Oct 28, 2023 11:29:45 PM Me

meaning, they can go hide with friends for three or four days and sleepover and you will not know what they are up to

Oct 28, 2023 11:30:05 PM +13038752587

No rush in that

Oct 28, 2023 11:30:14 PM +13038752587

😁

Oct 28, 2023 11:30:29 PM +13038752587

*on

Oct 28, 2023 11:30:38 PM Me

you gotta be cool with not knowing what the fuck your kids are doing. For example, I haven’t heard from Aidan for three weeks and have no idea what he’s up to and he doesn’t answer my text messages. So I have to ask Declan and Darragh how Aidan is doing because I know he texts with them on a weekly basis

Oct 28, 2023 11:31:22 PM Me

Aidan is very independent minded like me. He just wants to runoff and go do his own shit just like me. 😁

Oct 28, 2023 11:31:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

In time, I will adjust. Part of the journey as a parent

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Oct 28, 2023 11:31:49 PM Me

Trust me, the kids will let you know when you are being overbearing

Oct 28, 2023 11:33:35 PM Me

Or if the Spanish inquisition is happening. I have to remind my father that all the time. This summer, for example, who were you with, when did you leave, when did you get back, what did you do, did their parents know you left, how was the weather, Did you think about getting ice cream while you were out there, how are your feet feeling? Oy Vey!!

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Oct 28, 2023 11:34:11 PM Me

I went out with friends I had fun. It was nice the end.

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Oct 28, 2023 11:34:42 PM Me

If there was anything of serious significance, I would let you know, otherwise, it was just sort of boring life

Oct 28, 2023 11:35:00 PM Me

Rather exciting life, not boring

Oct 28, 2023 11:35:25 PM Me

I’ve been catching my language all the time. Today was incredible in the car because I was catching a lot of my mental language and self talk. That makes me feel awful.

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Oct 28, 2023 11:36:00 PM Me

I was able to nip a lot of that shit in the bud. I had a few moments of tears as I was getting closer to Ventura, but when I went by the exit for Santa Paula, which would take me directly into Ojai I was nonplussed.

Oct 28, 2023 11:36:29 PM Me

Completely cool, and the gang, and I wasn’t trying it was just there

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Oct 28, 2023 11:36:52 PM Me

OK time for me to scoot over to Walmart and crash

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Oct 28, 2023 11:37:08 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Getting sleepy 😴. I imagine you are too.

Oct 28, 2023 11:37:12 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Sleep well 😴 and have a great day with the boys tomorrow.

Oct 29, 2023 12:10:02 PM +13038752587

They change them daily

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Oct 29, 2023 3:06:35 PM Me

Love it

Oct 29, 2023 3:06:44 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

I light dusting of snow ❄️

Oct 29, 2023 3:06:55 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

They got a foot in Aspen

Oct 29, 2023 3:24:01 PM Me

I got out of

Oct 29, 2023 3:24:15 PM Me

They’re just in time

Oct 29, 2023 3:44:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Longmont got 4-6”

Oct 29, 2023 3:45:02 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) +13038752587

And it will be gone by Tuesda

Oct 29, 2023 3:47:23 PM Me

I’m feeling a lot of shame. I feel all of a sudden that I’m being punished being here. The feeling of punishment won’t go away. I can’t go back in the house and I just feel like a little kid being punished.

Oct 29, 2023 3:48:31 PM +13038752587

Did Liz say you can’t go to the house?

Oct 29, 2023 3:50:31 PM Me

Objectively coming back here seem like a great idea but not feeling that

Oct 29, 2023 3:50:57 PM Me

That’s why she had me move out. The house is her boundary her safe space from me.

Oct 29, 2023 3:51:18 PM Me

It sounds fucking ridiculous. Honestly, like I’m some kind of violent fucking rapist. Makes me so fucking mad.

Oct 29, 2023 3:54:42 PM +13038752587

No, it’s about her physically separating from you - because you are getting divorced and it’s too emotional to be in close proximity.

Oct 29, 2023 3:54:43 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

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Oct 29, 2023 3:55:12 PM +13038752587

I thought you could go when she is not at home with advanced notice

Oct 29, 2023 3:55:45 PM Me

I thought all I could do was stay outside the house

Oct 29, 2023 3:56:16 PM Me

Just realized too, that I’m gonna be enjoying Thanksgiving and Christmas all alone

Oct 29, 2023 3:56:34 PM Me

Yay ☹️

Oct 29, 2023 3:57:46 PM Me

I realize I’m all complaining and sour

Oct 29, 2023 3:57:59 PM Me

I wanna choose peace in my mind, but the thoughts won’t go away

Oct 29, 2023 3:58:26 PM +13038752587

Project a different future

Oct 29, 2023 3:58:46 PM Me

I’m trying to man, but life is bitch slapping me in the face right now

Oct 29, 2023 3:59:00 PM +13038752587

No reason you can’t spend time with the boys on both holidays

Oct 29, 2023 3:59:14 PM Me

I just feel LOSS being here

Oct 29, 2023 3:59:41 PM +13038752587

It make sense. It’s different for you there now.

Oct 29, 2023 3:59:45 PM Me

I can tell them more I get into this tomorrow I’m not gonna like living like this. I didn’t choose this and I didn’t want this.

Oct 29, 2023 4:01:11 PM Me

I never knew that Lizs love was conditional. And how she ever got the idea in her head that I wanted to hurt her is fucking crazy talk

Oct 29, 2023 4:01:40 PM Me

Problem is she won’t sit down and have real discussion and real engagement with a therapist. She shows up stoic says one or two words when ask questions. That’s not showing up that’s fucking phoning it in.

Oct 29, 2023 4:02:15 PM Me

That’s the other reason I’m super pissed off always promised that we would come back and go to therapy and that was just a crock of shit what we went through my whole fucking life is getting flushed down the toilet because she hung out with a bunch of fucking divorce ladies convincing her it was so fucking fabulous

Oct 29, 2023 4:03:06 PM Me

The best fuck you would be to go live a fabulous life, but that’s gonna take me a long fucking time to build. And I want it right now to rub it in her fucking face.

Oct 29, 2023 4:03:29 PM Me

It’s ironic because now I do want to grab her and smack her in the fucking face

Oct 29, 2023 4:04:12 PM Me

K U N T With a fucking capital K

Oct 29, 2023 4:04:49 PM Me

And I swear to God, if she gives me any lip, I am going to say I didn’t ask for anything from you Cunt shut up

Oct 29, 2023 4:05:43 PM +13038752587

It’s cool to vent it - get it out here. But bite your tongue around her.

Oct 29, 2023 4:05:55 PM Me

She’s never gonna get this fucking nice nice relationship like her mom and dad had after divorce. I doubt I’ll be able to be in the same fucking room with her. I’m already thinking I’m gonna have a hard fucking time at Doris graduation because I have no fucking idea how that’s all gonna play out I could see Liz here with her mom and Joanna and then I’m here just me and they all go have a fucking party and a good time and I get to go stick a fork in my ass because I’m gone

Oct 29, 2023 4:06:47 PM Me

I’m going through all that same fucking emotions that I left here and I don’t want them

Oct 29, 2023 4:07:08 PM +13038752587

No - you can choose to have an active roll. And be part of the festivities 🥳

Oct 29, 2023 4:07:39 PM Me

Right now dude I don’t even know if I wanna choose life long-term I just don’t know how this is gonna play out

Oct 29, 2023 4:07:46 PM +13038752587

Feel them , own them and be done with them

Oct 29, 2023 4:08:15 PM Me

Everybody can tell me anything they want and they may believe that I am a good guy I’m nice kind, etc. But I don’t feel that nothing makes me feel that I don’t have anything reflecting me back to me if that makes any fucking sense

Oct 29, 2023 4:09:16 PM Me

Just feels like my heart is getting fucking stomped on

Oct 29, 2023 4:09:33 PM Me

And I’m way more attuned to my heart than I’ve ever ever been so it hurts even more than it did before I left for the summer

Oct 29, 2023 4:09:46 PM Me

My heart chocolates open, and it fucking kills me

Oct 29, 2023 4:12:16 PM +13038752587

Everything you are experiencing is of your creation. You are the judge, jury and executioner of the stories you are creating.

Oct 29, 2023 4:12:54 PM +13038752587

Look for the facts not the stories

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Oct 29, 2023 4:13:13 PM +13038752587

Then pick at story the serves you

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Oct 29, 2023 4:14:02 PM +13038752587

Away from phone for a bit- bb

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Oct 29, 2023 4:15:25 PM Me

I’m about to watch Declan and Darragh play pick up Soccer with the Thacher people. I’m going to see a lot of players I will be coaching so this should be fun.

Oct 29, 2023 4:15:32 PM Me

A nice distraction

Oct 30, 2023 10:56:37 AM Me

👋

Oct 30, 2023 11:07:52 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Oct 30, 2023 11:13:40 AM Me

Be Receive Give Thanks

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Oct 30, 2023 2:21:54 PM Me

“The ones who love you the most will not limit their love by holding you to their expectations; but be mindful of the value they have for the time you make for them.”

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Oct 30, 2023 2:22:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Word.

Oct 30, 2023 2:22:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sums up Liz quite nicely. NEVER made time for me consistently. Once a month or more wasn’t working.

Oct 30, 2023 2:23:24 PM Me

Yet I gave SO MUCH of ME to help her achieve a HUGE life goal. And I’m left on the curb. Make it make sense.

Oct 30, 2023 2:25:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She doesn’t see the real me. She has some story her ego is tied to about who I am and how I treat her. I was SO GOD DAMMED respectful of her independent streak of just leaving the house without saying anything, just *poof* gone. Then I text to say “where did you go?” “Why do I have to report to you?” Uh, common courtesy to your husband?

Oct 30, 2023 2:25:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She got whatever she wanted from me in our relationship.

Oct 30, 2023 2:25:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sadly wasn’t the same for me

Oct 30, 2023 2:27:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have some serious shit I won’t let go of until she sits and faces my music. I need to vent to her face about all this. And she should have the common decency to sit there and listen and to HEAR me. She’s so stuck in her own story and ego of control I think it nearly impossible.

Oct 30, 2023 2:28:27 PM Me

Last night I texted and said. Hey, I figure you know I’m back. I just wanted to text and say hello 😊 “ The reply this morning. “Hi, could you cancel or stop the Athletic Greens subscription from hitting her checking account (which used to be ‘ours’)

Oct 30, 2023 2:29:04 PM Me

Wish I had money for a REALLY GOOD lawyer and slice our lives in half appropriately. I’m likely to get the short end of the stick here

Oct 30, 2023 2:30:55 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Only if you allow that to happen. The law is straight forward about divorce in Cali

Oct 30, 2023 2:31:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 30 seconds) +13038752587

She may ask for things, that doesn’t mean you have to say yes.

Oct 30, 2023 2:33:13 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Setting aside the emotional aspects of divorce, it’s a logical process

Oct 30, 2023 2:33:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool. I need to tap into GPT-4 😊 I’m sure it can answer my questions

Oct 30, 2023 2:34:39 PM +13038752587

Has she filed for separation or divorce? Have you?

Oct 30, 2023 2:35:26 PM ⇲ Me

No, she told me she was waiting for me to get a job so I still have health insurance.

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Oct 30, 2023 2:35:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Which is cool and all.

Oct 30, 2023 2:34:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been in Starbucks since 11. Slow getting up and moving today. Still incredibly sore from Angels Landing—sore to the touch. Squatting for the toilet is hard, 🤣🤣🤣

Oct 30, 2023 2:35:26 PM ⇱ Me

No, she told me she was waiting for me to get a job so I still have health insurance.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:35:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Which is cool and all.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:35:55 PM Me

Still doesn’t make up for her ghosting me. Nothing EVER will.

Oct 30, 2023 2:37:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Unless she was willing to work through it, like she promised when she took her wedding vow. I have many, many examples of her NOT in integrity. Ghosting, lying, saying one thing, and then changing it then saying “sorry”

Oct 30, 2023 2:38:38 PM Me

Until she acknowledges my mental illness and its control over me, making me incapable to helping myself. And HER failure to help her husband get help. Telling a severely depressed person to go get help doesn’t work—never has, never will. They dont value themselves enough.

Oct 30, 2023 2:39:10 PM Me

SHE is to blame for divorce. Completely and Totally.

Oct 30, 2023 2:42:42 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Not true. Two people in a relationship - two people responsible for it working or not

Oct 30, 2023 2:41:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m still willing to talk and work this out — this VERY minute. I want to be back with her, but that won’t happen until she lets go of her story about me, of control, and is willing to open her heart

Oct 30, 2023 2:47:24 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Your sincerity would require massive action and proof for Liz before she would budge - (but it’s possible) Ready 1. Get professional counseling in person (no matter the obstacles) 2.Stop drinking 3. Stop Hemp 4. Get back on your feet financially (I know you working hard at this) Then perhaps 🤔 ???

Oct 30, 2023 2:49:46 PM ⇲ +13038752587

In essence change the facts she is basing her story on you

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Oct 30, 2023 2:41:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That will likely never happen.

Oct 30, 2023 2:41:38 PM Me

She’s far too stubborn to admit she’s wrong

Oct 30, 2023 2:41:44 PM +13038752587

Do you want hard talk?

Oct 30, 2023 2:41:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No compassion in her

Oct 30, 2023 2:42:42 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Not true. Two people in a relationship - two people responsible for it working or not
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:43:57 PM Me

Hard talk to me?

Oct 30, 2023 2:44:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

8 more apps out today.

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Oct 30, 2023 2:45:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Working on the “ageless” material I bought before leaving your place. I should be able to implement it this week.

Oct 30, 2023 2:47:13 PM Me

One thing that really sux. Nights and mornings are incredibly lonely and have been for years now. Actually a majority of life has been lonely for last few years now.

Oct 30, 2023 2:48:56 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I feel that often. Like do you hear me, see me, live with young kids

Oct 30, 2023 2:47:24 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Your sincerity would require massive action and proof for Liz before she would budge - (but it’s possible) Ready 1. Get professional counseling in person (no matter the obstacles) 2.Stop drinking 3. Stop Hemp 4. Get back on your feet financially (I know you working hard at this) Then perhaps 🤔 ???
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:47:25 PM Me

Ok, back to working

Oct 30, 2023 2:48:56 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I feel that often. Like do you hear me, see me, live with young kids
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:49:21 PM Me

“We are all capable of both noble and terrible deeds, and each of us have performed action to some degree on each side. It is not those actions that define us, but rather what we have learned from them , and how we apply that wisdom.”

Oct 30, 2023 2:49:46 PM ⇱ +13038752587

In essence change the facts she is basing her story on you

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:50:04 PM Me

She has no idea what I’ve been up to with personal introspection and getting my mental and emotional world under some semblance of control from where I was

Oct 30, 2023 2:51:23 PM +13038752587

This is where proof comes in Receipts of courses, counselors, hours of meditation. Show don’t tell

Oct 30, 2023 2:51:55 PM ⇲ Me

Show as in behaviors?

Oct 30, 2023 2:52:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Not showing receipts?

Oct 30, 2023 2:52:07 PM ⇲ Me

That’s my autism coming out there

Oct 30, 2023 2:51:32 PM Me

The best thing would be to meet an incredible woman and spend the rest of time with her, meanwhile Liz sees that and lives a life of loneliness because no one can stand how much control she wants, and that her love is conditional.

Oct 30, 2023 2:51:55 PM ⇱ Me

Show as in behaviors?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:52:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Not showing receipts?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:52:07 PM ⇱ Me

That’s my autism coming out there
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:52:38 PM +13038752587

Hard data - followed by change in behaviors

Oct 30, 2023 2:53:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How to prove sobriety? Yes actions and behavior, but also there are no receipts for that or weed

Oct 30, 2023 2:56:18 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Both would be proven by folks telling her that you have stopped. Outside validation

Oct 30, 2023 2:56:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Ah gotcha

Oct 30, 2023 2:54:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, wishful and magical thinking. Like I’ll give birth to a unicorn.

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Oct 30, 2023 2:54:23 PM Me

Got about another 30 mins then going to head up to training.

Oct 30, 2023 2:55:09 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

I need to jump back into resume land. Need to cover monthly but while developing anything else.

Oct 30, 2023 2:56:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can share the “ageless” material with you.

Oct 30, 2023 2:56:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes please

Oct 30, 2023 2:56:18 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Both would be proven by folks telling her that you have stopped. Outside validation
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:56:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Ah gotcha
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 30, 2023 2:56:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes please
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 31, 2023 10:18:52 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

To many of you are worried about "it's" instead of being focused on today and enjoying what's working, you're worried about "what if xyz happens" ... worry about "what ifs" when they happen .. give yourself the grace of piece of mind ♥️ also take a breathe right now and smile and then go to twitter and tweet me at @garyvee how that deep deep breathe felt and what you felt afterwards ;)

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Oct 31, 2023 10:19:24 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Send over the login info for ageless please 🙏 and thank you 😊

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Oct 31, 2023 10:23:31 AM Me

Woke up at nine and just getting everything packed up and heading to the café in town to work. Period.

Oct 31, 2023 11:20:34 AM Me

If you want some, excellent, truly excellent ambient music while you’re working during the day. I found this woman on Insight Timer who plays the cello, and she’s amazing. She actually replied to one of my comments about one of her tracks, and she’s in Amsterdam. So it kind of blew my mind that she even noticed me, anyhow do check out a track or two and if you want to suggestion, I can make one, but the music is perfect for the background Hey! Check out this Teacher on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

Oct 31, 2023 11:20:38 AM Me

https://insig.ht/Is3f2nXMlEb

Oct 31, 2023 12:16:24 PM Me

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Treating myself to pesto toast GF for breakfast. Been pretty much bars the whole time traveling

Oct 31, 2023 2:56:57 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Just off my call with Francis. Was a very cool conversation. He gave me access to his prototype and I can create an account and play around. He’s very much in the bootstrap phase but is planning on getting his MVP out the door next month. He hopes to take the MVP and start presenting to potential clients. All VERY exciting. Going to stay connected to him and stay plugged in. His company would be exactly the type of AI company I would want to work for. I definitely see his vision and what he wants to do with the software. The potential to create ground breaking interfaces in a 3-dimensional space is very exciting indeed.

Oct 31, 2023 2:57:10 PM Me

Will send you the resume access in a few.

Nov 01, 2023 1:25:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola 👋

Nov 01, 2023 1:25:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Literally just got online

Nov 01, 2023 1:25:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Was busy at storage this am, getting the car down to the essentials so I have, and can easily make room for both boys at any moment. Yesterday I had to perform miraculous feats of Tetris to make room for a third person in the car — too much shit.

Nov 01, 2023 1:25:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Anyhow

Nov 01, 2023 1:25:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Access coming momentarily _ for real this time.

Nov 01, 2023 1:25:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ll forward the three emails she hit me with after I signed up. Worth looking at her strategy of what is behind the tactic of using 3 up front.

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Nov 01, 2023 1:27:41 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

Nov 01, 2023 1:28:05 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Breaking for lunch then walk the back on computer

Nov 01, 2023 1:32:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2 emails sent. Third was just a receipt for payment.

Nov 01, 2023 1:32:13 PM Me

Here is URL to access:

Nov 01, 2023 1:32:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ageless Careers

Nov 01, 2023 1:40:21 PM Me

berchman@mac.com

Nov 01, 2023 2:09:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

emailing pwd

Nov 01, 2023 2:31:49 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Nov 01, 2023 3:11:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You should have everything you need

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Nov 02, 2023 10:34:56 AM Me

Good morning. Getting hit With a wave of bad emotions and I hate it. dredging up all kinds of shit from the past, and rubbing my face in making me realize everything I lost

Nov 02, 2023 10:35:13 AM Me

The first day here it was a little weird and then I have been feeling fine since since then until today

Nov 02, 2023 10:35:37 AM Me

Anyhow, just trying to survive over here

Nov 02, 2023 10:43:01 AM Me

Life really has no meaning for me anymore. Thinking I’ll suffer past Darraghs graduation, then drive off never to be seen or heard from again. I’m all full on Rejection. People can tell me all they want about how great and wonderful I am. But when you keep getting fucking rejected every day for months and months and months, it grinds you down hard The message is getting hammered into my head. Nobody fucking wants me. I mean it’s plain as day , you don’t have to be a fucking genius to figure this out

Nov 02, 2023 10:43:03 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Good morning

Nov 02, 2023 10:43:26 AM Me

Hi

Nov 02, 2023 10:43:42 AM Me

Hope it’s going well over there

Nov 02, 2023 10:43:45 AM +13038752587

That’s the filter you are operating from

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Nov 02, 2023 10:44:20 AM Me

Got it

Nov 02, 2023 10:47:38 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

I listened to Benjamin Hardy the other day and thought it insightful Basically you have three points of few lenses - past, present future Let me see if I can find it

Nov 02, 2023 10:49:32 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Emailing now

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Nov 02, 2023 10:55:50 AM Me

I’m meeting Sallie for coffee today to catch up. I’ve never brought up Elizabeth in this whole divorce thing in conversation with Sallie. I’m feeling really strongly about telling Sallie how I really feel about her daughter and her inability to keep her promises and live with any integrity.

Nov 02, 2023 10:56:46 AM Me

I’m feeling I want to tell her that if I never see her daughter again it wouldn’t matter to me. She stuck a sword thru wheat

Nov 02, 2023 10:56:51 AM Me

Heart

Nov 02, 2023 10:56:59 AM Me

AutoCorrect, I fucking hate AutoCorrect

Nov 02, 2023 10:58:46 AM Me

Hi I just wanna let everything out. Tell people how I really feel about everything. I want to kind of live life with no filter.

Nov 02, 2023 10:59:11 AM Me

In a sense be concerned about my well-being in my emotions. Quit putting other people in front of my well-being.

Nov 02, 2023 10:59:44 AM Me

My whole life I’ve put everybody else in front of me I’m fucking done with that

Nov 02, 2023 11:07:16 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

That’s living one dimensional. Other people add a second dimension. I don’t advise telling a mother how poorly you think about their daughter.

Nov 02, 2023 11:08:42 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Remember Liz has her own story about you and how she feels.

Nov 02, 2023 11:11:11 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Somewhere in between is a more accurate story

Nov 02, 2023 11:11:51 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes) +13038752587

Where you are is not where either one of you thought you would be.

Nov 02, 2023 12:19:55 PM Me

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hidden-brain/id1028908750?i=1000633134936

Nov 02, 2023 1:14:14 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.nintee.com/

Nov 02, 2023 1:16:00 PM Me

Good stuff, Found her on Insight Timer:

Nov 02, 2023 1:16:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://sezkristiansen.substack.com/p/this-weeks-remembrances

Nov 02, 2023 1:23:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

AI SEO Outlines

Nov 02, 2023 1:23:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Persuwise

Nov 02, 2023 1:23:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.phot.ai/?utm_source=www.joinsuperhuman.ai&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=ai-agents-are-the-future-of-work

Nov 02, 2023 1:24:22 PM Me

https://agenty.vercel.app/?utm_source=www.joinsuperhuman.ai&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=ai-agents-are-the-future-of-work

Nov 02, 2023 1:30:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“For some, the practice is just a mask. It can be exciting, and draw attention from others, but without truth and determination, their practice will only remain a costume.”

Nov 02, 2023 3:48:38 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Where did this come from

Nov 02, 2023 1:33:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Practica

Nov 02, 2023 3:48:38 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Where did this come from
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 02, 2023 4:19:12 PM Me

One of my teachers. On Insight Timer.

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Nov 02, 2023 4:19:27 PM Me

Nov 02, 2023 4:20:23 PM +13038752587

Were you able to access nintee

Nov 02, 2023 8:10:43 PM Me

No, I didn’t try, did you?

Nov 02, 2023 8:11:47 PM Me

I just got into camp after soccer and trying to put some kind of sandwich together for dinner. One thing I can feel really big is loneliness. It just makes me so incredibly sad. Every time I pull into the driveway of the house and I can’t go in. It just feels so wrong. As if I’m in some kind of parallel fucking universe.

Nov 02, 2023 8:14:00 PM Me

Something that I have felt ever since I left here in June is a massive sense of loneliness. Here’s the thing I don’t want friends. I want my family around. I went from Family to literally nothing from one day to the next in it hurts, dropping off the boys and not being able to hang out with them afterwards at home.

Nov 02, 2023 8:46:24 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 15 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Tough spot for sure.

Nov 02, 2023 8:55:06 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 6 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I say this in consideration that what you are experiencing sucks right now. “This too shall pass” The hurt will fade. Focus on gratitude and practice forgiveness. Sent with love ❤️ and a big hug 🤗

Nov 03, 2023 9:02:24 AM Me

Thx.

Nov 03, 2023 9:02:28 AM Me

Good morning

Nov 03, 2023 9:10:24 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 🌞

Nov 03, 2023 9:10:57 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Did you listen to the whole episode of the human brain you sent me?

Nov 03, 2023 9:11:20 AM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Hidden Brain

Nov 03, 2023 9:12:06 AM Me

Just over halfway through

Nov 03, 2023 9:12:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Finish it first thing today

Nov 03, 2023 9:12:50 AM Me

I

Nov 03, 2023 9:34:36 AM Me

Different kinds of well being You’re the main character You’re the narrator The way you tell your own story matters.

Nov 03, 2023 9:34:50 AM Me

Pretty simple

Nov 03, 2023 9:35:26 AM Me

It’s funny how the most insightful and impactful things tend to be the simplest. We just get so convoluted and caught up in the spaghetti bowl of our lives. It’s impossible to see the forest through the trees.

Nov 03, 2023 9:40:31 AM Me

Thanks for reminding me to finish that. I listen to half of it and then I got busy. Something distracted me, and this morning had forgotten about not finishing

Nov 03, 2023 9:41:07 AM Me

I’m headed off to the café in a few minutes. I woke up early which is good. I can get more done today. Have you had a chance to listen to the ageless, résumé lady?

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Nov 03, 2023 10:14:33 AM Me

Forbes

Nov 03, 2023 12:42:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://jakobnielsenphd.substack.com/p/2500-roi-ai

Nov 03, 2023 2:37:23 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

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Nov 03, 2023 6:50:49 PM Me

It’s exactly in these moments on a Friday when I’m headed off to Hermitage and I know everyone else culturally is out socializing. I’m not someone who just walks by myself into a place where I don’t know a fucking soul. So I know I’m the narrator of my life, and I guess there’s no getting around saying I am alone/lonely. And it does feel like shit kind of because that’s been every weekend except for one with Heidi in you know what the past three fucking years just my life is just going by and yeah it’s kinda like whatever not hating it but I’m not fucking enjoying it at all that’s for goddamn sure

Nov 03, 2023 8:12:07 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Change your narrative to One that gets you what you want.

Nov 03, 2023 8:28:09 PM ⇲ Me

It’s hard to honestly. My existing narrative has changed me over my life and the feeling of being sucked into a black hole of existence by which only family know you exist and you become a background character in everyone else’s story and life all the while feeling invisible

Nov 03, 2023 8:12:46 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 03, 2023 8:28:09 PM ⇱ Me

It’s hard to honestly. My existing narrative has changed me over my life and the feeling of being sucked into a black hole of existence by which only family know you exist and you become a background character in everyone else’s story and life all the while feeling invisible
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 03, 2023 8:33:06 PM Me

We’re weeks away from the holidays and I’m honestly unsure how I’ll feel and navigate it. Imagine being invited to either thanksgiving or Christmas dinner and some asshat new boyfriend of Liz’s is there trying to take my fucking place in MY FAMILY? GTFO 😡 NOW BEFORE I FUCKING STAB YOU AND HAVE YOUR LIVER WITH SOME FAVA BEANS AND A NICE CHIANTI 😡

Nov 03, 2023 8:36:26 PM Me

Put yourself in my shoes. How cool would you be if you were in my situation with Sarah bringing in some new boyfriend to Christmas dinner pretending he was going to be new pop out of your girls like fuck that you would not be cool with that shit. You’ve gotta know where I’m fucking coming from on this. I don’t think I will ever be able to tolerate being in that space with a person thinking they’re playing the fucking role that I’m supposed to be fucking playing. I fucking hate my existence right now. Glad I don’t own a gun or a Rambo knife

Nov 03, 2023 10:27:26 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Are you creating a story about a possible future? Boyfriend, holidays, replacing you??

Nov 03, 2023 10:27:51 PM Me

Yup

Nov 03, 2023 10:28:48 PM Me

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Nov 03, 2023 10:29:18 PM +13038752587

I was just thinking that exactly

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Nov 03, 2023 10:29:34 PM Me

Only $5

Nov 03, 2023 10:30:35 PM Me

people were like wow that’s crazy. It’s so cheap. I remember him saying yeah cause only takes a few mins

Nov 03, 2023 10:30:48 PM Me

I’m better now

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Nov 03, 2023 10:30:57 PM +13038752587

I was going to text - “Bob Newhart here and you know what I’m going to say…”

Nov 03, 2023 10:33:03 PM Me

I don’t feel so incredibly lonely. I’m texting with a high school friend name, Maribeth, who I had the hots for a long time ago, and she is still very hot. Also, there is a woman I was connected with on my app and she is moving to Ojai by December 1. Right now she lives in West Hollywood but is moving up here. Her name is Jan and she’s originally from London and she is a designer. She’s just two years older than me. She gave me her phone number and a little XO at the end of the message. That improved my spirits greatly. Not that I need that to improve my spirits but considering how long I’ve felt like shit like my time with Heidi I’ll take what I can get.

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Nov 03, 2023 10:34:15 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 5 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

I’m off to bed 🛌 Sleep 😴 well

Nov 04, 2023 9:59:48 AM Me

It’s Saturday. That’s about it

Nov 04, 2023 10:00:23 AM Me

Looks like I’ll be sleeping at Walmart tonight. Don’t have a camping spot

Nov 04, 2023 10:12:47 AM Me

Haven’t showered in a week. In fact, I haven’t showered since I took my angels Landing hike.

Nov 04, 2023 10:13:29 AM Me

Been drafting texts to Liz in erasing them all morning, wanting to let her know how much she failed me and how self-centered she was when I was in deep depression and she did nothing to help me. Telling me to go get help isn’t fucking helping me, that doesn’t count.

Nov 04, 2023 10:26:03 AM Me

Brought back to the conclusion that I’m only living my life so that other people can live their lives without carrying the burden of my pain. But I have to go through the rest of this life carrying fucking Elizabeth’s pain. I did not sign up for this

Nov 04, 2023 10:31:16 AM +13038752587

Weird, I can’t reply to individual messages Go get a hotel, take a shower and get a good meal. Don’t send any messages to Liz. They will only create more distance, which is not what you want.

Nov 04, 2023 10:32:00 AM +13038752587

You don’t have to carry her pain.

Nov 04, 2023 10:34:25 AM +13038752587

Question- do you want to be there to see the boys graduate, find mates, hopefully have children?

Nov 04, 2023 10:36:20 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Weird, I can’t reply to individual messages Go get a hotel, take a shower and get a good meal. Don’t send any messages to Liz. They will only create more distance, which is not what you want.

Nov 04, 2023 10:37:02 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

You don’t have to carry her pain.

Nov 04, 2023 10:37:03 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Question- do you want to be there to see the boys graduate, find mates, hopefully have children?

Nov 04, 2023 10:38:45 AM +13038752587

Yes, things suck right now. But you have put in the work and know how to get out of the matrix. I’m here to support you ❤️

Nov 04, 2023 10:39:12 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, things suck right now. But you have put in the work and know how to get out of the matrix. I’m here to support you ❤️

Nov 04, 2023 10:45:31 AM Me

I don't want to spend money because I don't know how long I'll be stuck like this

Nov 04, 2023 10:46:07 AM Me

Hotels aren't cheap like they are in middle of desert

Nov 04, 2023 10:48:52 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Where are you - Ventura?

Nov 04, 2023 10:49:37 AM Me

Ojai right now. Have soccer training today at 3:30 otherwise I am being homeless and unemployed, and hated by my wife

Nov 04, 2023 10:50:32 AM Me

My life has been sucking for 4 good years now with no end in sight. It's only gotten worse over time.

Nov 04, 2023 10:51:13 AM Me

Wanna throw my hands up in the air give up it's all too fucking much at once

Nov 04, 2023 10:51:41 AM Me

One of these knocks people over I have 3

Nov 04, 2023 11:12:05 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Goes to show are resilient you are! Look for the positives.

Nov 04, 2023 11:12:44 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

What is the best next step for you to take that moves you in the direction you want to go? Small and simple step

Nov 04, 2023 11:35:35 AM Me

Take a shower 😢

Nov 04, 2023 11:35:59 AM Me

I'm intensely upset right now

Nov 04, 2023 12:18:32 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Barry Laurie and Lisa showed up for the night. 2 grandmas and 1 papa bear.

Nov 04, 2023 12:18:44 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Liked “Take a shower 😢”

Nov 04, 2023 12:19:41 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Shower is good

Nov 04, 2023 12:20:14 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Then maybe go do something you love. Like hiking, or painting 🖼️

Nov 04, 2023 1:00:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m in Ojai. Still no shower. It may be a dip in the ocean tomorrow that does it for me. And then the rinse showers near restrooms.

Nov 04, 2023 1:01:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m in Starbucks. Watching important rivalry soccer game right now and continuing to work on my resume and cover letter based on watching ageless resume vids for both. Doing those, then going to do the LinkedIn vid, revise. Going to use ChatGPT 4 to help with editing and ideation.

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Nov 04, 2023 1:02:52 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I have to coach from 3:30-5. I want to hike and may do that tomorrow morning. But my checkin time for the beach spot is 12 noon and I want to be there to max my beachfront property time 😊

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Nov 04, 2023 1:03:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

May just keep working here until 3 and then go to training. Keep using the time to push on the revisions. then maybe send a few out with the new format and cover letter

Nov 04, 2023 1:08:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would like to automate the cover letter creation process. If I get the right prompts and text templates in one submission: - Instructions on what to do — replace job name and company with template variables — write out bullet points of relevant skills (hard and soft) that align with specifics in the job description - Text of my resume - Text of Cover Template with {variables} - Text of opportunity being offered Then it spits it out.

Nov 04, 2023 1:08:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thoughts?

Nov 04, 2023 2:10:00 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

I’ve been giving it the job description, resume and asking it to write a cover letter and update resume to match job description. Results been decent. I tweak it run it then through grammarly

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Nov 04, 2023 2:17:17 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Although the more detail your prompt the better- oh yeah . I start the prompt with act as “——-“ and do —- Act as a senior head hunter working with UI/UX clients and write a cover letter and resume for the attached job description using the attached resume

Nov 04, 2023 2:17:53 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

That is pretty good but can be better

Nov 04, 2023 2:18:11 PM Me

Cool

Nov 04, 2023 2:19:19 PM Me

I’ll send you what results I get.

Nov 04, 2023 3:41:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Top of new resume

Nov 04, 2023 3:41:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

JOSEPH BERT MAHONEY Ojai, California • 805-798-3430 hello@bertmahoney.com • https://bertmahoney.com/ • https://www.linkedin.com/in/bertmahoney/ [ SOME KIND OF ] DESIGNER AWARD-WINNING, HUMAN-CENTERED DESIGNER | ACCESSIBLE, INCLUSIVE, EQUITABLE AWARD-WINNING EXECUTIVE-LEVEL DESIGNER EXPLORING AI’S DESIGN IMPACT with 20+ years of experience helping people create and use digital experiences for themselves and their clientele across dozens of business types and industries. Grow revenue by providing a world-class problem-solving experience for my clients and theirs. Subject Matter Expert in design, Internet, user experience, user interface, and information architecture. Expertise in ambiguity and unknowns, hitting impossible deadlines, and design systems, Building relationships with clients and executives to promote trust and inclusiveness. Providing comprehensive consultation and digital deliverables for all client project work. Served as Director of Internet Services as a founding member of AIGA Santa Barbara. Consistently expanding skill set with continuing self-education and sharing of tools and techniques.

Nov 04, 2023 3:41:48 PM Me

Skills, hard and soft:

Nov 04, 2023 3:41:50 PM Me

User Experience • UX Design • User Interface • UI Design • Artificial Intelligence, AI • Wireframes / Wireframing • Prototypes / Prototyping • HTML • CSS • JS • React • Vue • Design Systems • Project Management • User Research • Analysis • Design Leadership • Coaching • Mentoring • Leadership / C Suite • Marketing • Branding • Documentation • Presentations • Data and Analytics • Storytelling • Visual Layout • Visual Design • Art Direction • Creative Direction • Photography • Typesetting • Graphic Design • Advertising Design • Packaging Design • Editorial Design • Adobe Creative Suite • Figma • Experience in handling different personalities • Expertise in navigating economic downturns • Skills solving different kinds of problems • Experience managing different projects • Experience learning new technologies • Experience in rebounding from failure • Experience working in various teams • Expertise across multiple disciplines • Experience working across cultures • Experience adapting to change • Accumulated business acumen • Proven track record of success • Learnings from past mistakes • In-depth industry experience • Confidence to drive change • Informed decision making • Extensive leadership skills • Effective communication • Emotional intelligence • Relationship building • Maturity (hopefully!) • Long-term planning • Retention strategies • Knowledge transfer • Pattern recognition • Mentoring abilities • Interpersonal skills • Work-life balance • Transferable skills • Decision-making • Resourcefulness • Strong network • Self-awareness • Team building • Trend analysis • Collaboration • Negotiations • Skill stacking • Resilience • Wisdom

Nov 04, 2023 3:42:41 PM Me

I am perfect I am human I am flawed So love that. Going to make it a t-shirt

Nov 04, 2023 3:43:15 PM Me

K, 2:45pm here. Heading out to soccer practice. Darragh can’t go today, he’s too sick.

Nov 04, 2023 3:43:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Likely going down to Ventura and staying in Walmart parking lot tonight

Nov 04, 2023 3:44:06 PM Me

Maybe stay down there until I have to come up here for practice on Monday. I have beach front camping starting tomorrow at 12 noon.

Nov 04, 2023 3:44:30 PM Me

K, thanks as always for putting up with my everlasting large pile of

Nov 04, 2023 3:44:30 PM Me

💩

Nov 04, 2023 3:45:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Didnt get as far as I wanted. That’s been the pattern all week ☹️

Nov 04, 2023 4:30:59 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 21 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Me neither

Nov 04, 2023 4:11:05 PM Me

Feeling lots of shame now

Nov 04, 2023 4:31:12 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Let it go

Nov 04, 2023 4:11:18 PM Me

Wow it hurts

Nov 04, 2023 4:30:59 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 21 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Me neither
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 04, 2023 4:31:12 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Let it go
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 04, 2023 11:02:13 PM Me

download the co-star astrology app & add me asap ->

Nov 05, 2023 7:52:11 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Did you install the app? Don’t see you

Nov 04, 2023 11:02:16 PM Me

https://www.costarastrology.com/

Nov 05, 2023 12:37:00 AM Me

Today was a really tough day. One of the hardest days I’ve had since being back here. I feel a deep fatigue, the likes of which I haven’t felt since I had Covid.

Nov 05, 2023 12:37:31 AM Me

Anyhow, wishing you a good night of rest, be well

Nov 05, 2023 7:52:11 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Did you install the app? Don’t see you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 05, 2023 7:55:36 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Found you

Nov 05, 2023 8:00:29 AM Me

Cool

Nov 05, 2023 8:00:52 AM Me

Heidi turned me on to this app. I find it fun.

Nov 05, 2023 11:27:08 AM Me

Just left campus after taking Declan and Darragh to Starbucks. I got to see the dogs and I was overwhelmed with emotion as I am right now texting this to you thinking about it. There is such a large large part of this entire thing that I don’t know, and I have to sit with Ann yeah

Nov 05, 2023 11:54:10 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Are you struggling with discouragement in your life? In today's episode, explore effective strategies and insights on how to overcome obstacles and regain a sense of motivation and purpose in your life. Because you deserve to be happy ❤️ Your coach, Brendon From my message inbox

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Nov 05, 2023 11:54:36 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

YouTube

Nov 05, 2023 12:27:49 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you an email about a logo fir an idea - if you have time and want to play around with AI design

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Nov 05, 2023 12:28:14 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 05, 2023 12:28:24 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 05, 2023 12:28:32 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Stable diffusion

Nov 05, 2023 12:28:51 PM +13038752587

Nov 05, 2023 12:29:16 PM +13038752587

Canva- most likely dall e 3

Nov 05, 2023 1:01:14 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Currently at Starbucks waiting for my clothes to wash before I head down to the beach for the rest of the day

Nov 05, 2023 1:01:29 PM Me

I can try to mess around later when I’m on my laptop.

Nov 05, 2023 1:44:05 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 38 seconds) Me

Hey, could you read this text I drafted to send to Liz? I’m trying to get her to just open up and treat me like a person instead of some rancid asshat. thx — Hi, I have an honest question for you. Since returning to the Ojai Valley, I've had some moments where memories flood back and hit like a tsunami—it's taken my breath away more than once. This has me reflecting and finding unknowns. What changed for you from going to therapy sessions together with your therapist to mentally getting 'done?' There needs to be more understanding there for me. On one side, you wanted to go talk about it, then all of a sudden not, and I have no idea as to why? Or where was the failure? I went to Colorado to give you the space you asked for. I gave you everything you ever asked through all our years and always worked hard to be better after each and every time I was human. I had a mental illness—depression—running my mind and body in late '19 until I returned last summer in '23. It was a consistent path down multiple dark nights of the soul. The depression wants me to suffer, over and over, deeper and deeper. It was and is unrelenting. I have it in check with proper therapies, and I'm sober. Even though drinking would numb the immediate emotional and mental pain, the morning after, it was fuel for depression, making it FAR worse, FAR darker, just severe. I want to apologize for my depression, and that feels weird to me. It's like apologizing because I had some other bodily illness. People don't usually apologize for their diseases' effect on others, but I do. I AM SO SO SO SORRY for all the pain, fear, misery, frustration, unsaid conversations, and unshared feelings, hopes and dreams. I failed you and was, at that moment, incapable of overcoming the grip depression had on my heart and mind. I didn't want this to happen to us, our family, or our lives. My heart always hurts thinking of you being unhappy. Be well.

Nov 05, 2023 5:03:52 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

I have a few edits for you- can you email to me

Nov 05, 2023 5:04:01 PM Me

Yes

Nov 05, 2023 5:04:27 PM Me

Nov 05, 2023 5:04:43 PM Me

Nov 05, 2023 9:13:17 PM Me

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Nov 06, 2023 9:04:27 AM Me

Good morning from the ocean 🌊

Nov 06, 2023 9:05:01 AM Me

Chilly overnight but can’t beat the soundtrack for sleeping

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Nov 06, 2023 9:05:56 AM Me

Will send text edits soon. Also will send my updated resume and new cover letter too

Nov 06, 2023 12:44:27 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Bonjour

Nov 06, 2023 12:52:09 PM Me

Hi

Nov 06, 2023 12:53:21 PM Me

Camping has been really good. VERY grounding!

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Nov 06, 2023 1:23:41 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

“Humanity is worth more than any possession or power.”

Nov 06, 2023 5:03:03 PM Me

Nov 06, 2023 5:05:46 PM Me

Remind me to tell you about my neighbors

Nov 07, 2023 11:46:07 AM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning ☀️ Are you online?

Nov 07, 2023 12:15:38 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Ping me when you get this.

Nov 07, 2023 12:25:17 PM Me

Ping

Nov 07, 2023 12:25:27 PM Me

Getting online

Nov 07, 2023 12:25:52 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool 😎 Are you at a coffee office?

Nov 07, 2023 12:26:06 PM +13038752587

Or beachfront

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Nov 07, 2023 12:27:09 PM +13038752587

Ok - I’m going to cal you in 10mins

Nov 07, 2023 12:29:31 PM Me

I

Nov 07, 2023 12:30:11 PM Me

K

Nov 07, 2023 1:33:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Check that I have all the return QR codes from Amazon please. I have 2. I’m returning socks, soap and boot racks

Nov 07, 2023 2:42:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sent u email confirming

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Nov 07, 2023 2:44:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Toptal Design Blog

Nov 07, 2023 3:03:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://cloudwall.aquent.com/mat/myaquent?PROC=AWUIDrawJobDetails&selectedJob=2&postingId=192361&rating=none&totalResults=8&lang=en&utm_source=Job%20Alert&utm_term=senior%20AND%20(ux%20OR%20user%20experience)%20AND%20(design%20OR%20designer)%20AND%20remote

Nov 08, 2023 9:28:11 AM Me

Hola! Sent you an email this morning for a marketing manager position

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Nov 08, 2023 12:30:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Another:

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Nov 08, 2023 12:30:41 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

onX Maps

Nov 08, 2023 1:15:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Every once and a while the enormity of what I am trying to carry and get through overwhelms me. Tears, fear, frozen from action. Its incredibly intense. Leaves me with a feeling that I dont matter

Nov 08, 2023 1:16:23 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you

Nov 08, 2023 1:16:35 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Breathe 🧘‍♂️

Nov 08, 2023 1:23:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, still not getting “create a GPT” option on the site.

Nov 08, 2023 1:24:13 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Me neither 😕

Nov 08, 2023 1:46:29 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

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Nov 08, 2023 1:46:50 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Got access!!! 😀😎🎉

Nov 08, 2023 2:13:34 PM Me

That’s very exciting, but I can’t get excited about much today just mentally in a hole

Nov 08, 2023 2:14:27 PM Me

Going to try to put my feet in the sand and see if that helps. I’m really getting sick of fucking living like this. I hate my life I want out

Nov 08, 2023 3:20:10 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

What does a be your love looks like

Nov 08, 2023 3:20:43 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

* a life you love look like

Nov 10, 2023 1:50:17 AM Me

I don’t know What I do know is that I’ve been living a life I don’t love or want since Elizabeth sent me packing. The crimes of my marriage were experienced on my end as if the trial was conducted under the assumption I was lying and hiding my depression—masking. Anyhow Today Liz has been on my mind all day. I keep pondering when I’ll be able to be around her and not be unsettled or triggered? I keep wondering WHY wasn’t I given an honest chance to heal our relationship? Why was she SO obstinate? i’ve also been thinking forward to Darragh‘s graduation. Whenever faculty children graduate, their parents are allowed to join them on the stage while the accolade is red. In this instance, Elizabeth will be standing up there with Darragh and I will be in the audience. I am going to have incredibly difficult time, keeping my composure in that moment , because my son will be receiving glowing accolades, and all I will see on stage is the destruction of what was once my family. I dreamed of the day we would be all together as a family, at Darraghs graduation from Thacher. Alas, that will not happen. 😩😭😭😭😭

Nov 10, 2023 6:02:23 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 27 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

That future story is not inspiring. Change it. Sent with love ❤️ (Suggestion: Put yourself on stage too)

Nov 10, 2023 6:18:38 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 50 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

That future story is not inspiring. Change it. Sent with love ❤️ (Suggestion: Put yourself on stage too)

Nov 10, 2023 9:29:51 AM Me

Hey

Nov 10, 2023 9:30:20 AM +13038752587

Hey

Nov 10, 2023 9:30:46 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

On a zoom but can text intermittently

Nov 10, 2023 9:34:37 AM Me

Woke up at 6am today. Been in Starbucks for 1.5 hours already. Went through a bag of bills and paperwork I dragged across country and back this morning. Lots of late notices, and letters saying show me the money I’m being bombarded by bad mental habits—time travel and stories.

Nov 10, 2023 9:35:09 AM Me

Comparing myself to others, all the things that make me feel like shit 💩

Nov 10, 2023 9:35:35 AM Me

Feeling defeated 😔

Nov 10, 2023 9:39:58 AM Me

And feeling like I’m falling apart

Nov 10, 2023 9:40:20 AM Me

And feeling a fuck up

Nov 10, 2023 9:41:35 AM Me

Sitting here in Starbucks trying to not appear like I’m crying 😢 and wiping away tears

Nov 10, 2023 10:27:14 AM Me

Now having to deny myself things. $$$

Nov 10, 2023 10:29:13 AM Me

Better off Dead ☠️ My vibe right now

Nov 10, 2023 11:40:47 AM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you. I have been dancing with some of those feelings of late. There is a way through. There is a way out. There is a way beyond. One step. That’s it. Then the next one. That is the message that hit me with meaning for all the 11.11 or 1.11 or 1.23, 12.34 etc one step then the next.

Nov 10, 2023 4:35:18 PM +13038752587

Are you crashing at the beach tonight?

Nov 10, 2023 6:17:29 PM Me

No

Nov 10, 2023 6:41:56 PM Me

Not sure where

Nov 10, 2023 6:42:06 PM Me

Next two nights are homeless mode

Nov 10, 2023 6:43:30 PM Me

depressed when I’m in this space

Nov 10, 2023 6:46:13 PM +13038752587

Understand, and you are not homeless( I know what you mean). You have a mobile home. So where ever you are is home.

Nov 10, 2023 7:13:21 PM Me

Going to Walmart In Ventura

Nov 10, 2023 7:14:03 PM Me

Might try to camp on east end of Ojai in the avocado orchards

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Nov 10, 2023 7:25:40 PM Me

I’m gonna stay in Walmart parking lot tonight if security doesn’t kick me out like they did in Oxnard. Being alone in the car 6 o’clock on a Friday night and driving down the middle of town and seeing everybody having a good time. So many weekends of the past, three years of my life have been nothing except for two and those were this summer in Iowa. At least, if I could date, it might take my mind off of things, however, being unemployed and homeless isn’t really a great look for the dating scene. I’m getting really tired of all this. My current situation isn’t sustainable long-term. My brain will explode.

Nov 10, 2023 7:31:50 PM +13038752587

I hear you. Good thing it’s temporary 😍. Keep reminding yourself that “this too shall pass”

Nov 10, 2023 7:45:26 PM Me

Spotify

Nov 10, 2023 7:45:33 PM Me

Mood

Nov 10, 2023 10:20:37 PM Me

Where I am in case no one hears from me

Nov 10, 2023 10:20:39 PM Me

See my real-time location on Google Maps!

Nov 10, 2023 10:22:49 PM Me

1962-1908 Goodyear Ave

Nov 11, 2023 10:25:48 AM Me

Incredibly sad and hard morning. Slept awful. Didn’t wake up, but body aches and don’t feel like I slept very much. It hurts a lot to feel so fucking insignificant

Nov 11, 2023 10:26:51 AM Me

Like it doesn’t matter if you’re here or not. Things go on. Ppl forget about you, just like when your alive

Nov 11, 2023 10:28:24 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, this is a realization I had years after my car accident.

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Nov 11, 2023 10:29:38 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Your life is not validated by others. It is validated by you. Live for you.

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Nov 11, 2023 11:09:04 AM Me

Thx

Nov 11, 2023 11:09:38 AM Me

Feeling super alone. So used to being on campus in Ojai

Nov 11, 2023 11:10:24 AM Me

Up here now. Laundry. Starbucks. Computer 💻 For a bit

Nov 11, 2023 11:10:54 AM Me

Soccer ⚽️ at 2pm

Nov 11, 2023 11:11:19 AM Me

Then ? Then find somewhere to park and sleep

Nov 11, 2023 11:12:13 AM Me

It’s hard to develop a routine when you’re moving around a lot. Packing car, unpacking car, etc

Nov 11, 2023 11:12:19 AM Me

PITA

Nov 11, 2023 12:02:04 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

I bet

Nov 11, 2023 12:21:32 PM Me

Clever people and grocers, They weigh Everything

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Nov 11, 2023 12:24:58 PM Me

I just met a very interesting man while at the storage place in town. He’s been living out of his car for the past eight years Jo kindred spirit. He’s also a writer and we got to talking. Long story short, he gave me a copy of one of his books. He wrote about, his encounter of going to jail in town, and the colorful characters he met

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Nov 11, 2023 2:05:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“You are born alone. You die alone. The value of the space in between is trust and love,” artist Louise Bourgeois wrote in her diary at the end of a long and illustrious life as she contemplated how solitude enriches creative work. It’s a lovely sentiment, but as empowering as it may be to those willing to embrace solitude, it can be tremendously lonesome-making to those for whom loneliness has contracted the space of trust and love into a suffocating penitentiary. For if in solitude, as Wendell Berry memorably wrote, “one’s inner voices become audible [and] one responds more clearly to other lives,” in loneliness one’s inner scream becomes deafening, deadening, severing any thread of connection to other lives.

Nov 11, 2023 2:06:08 PM Me

“ those for whom loneliness has contracted the space of trust and love into a suffocating penitentiary. ”

Nov 11, 2023 2:06:53 PM Me

Put so so so well — suffocating penitentiary

Nov 11, 2023 2:14:21 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Do you feel you have allowed loneliness to occupy the space of trust and love?

Nov 11, 2023 2:15:40 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

How to SHIFT into the ENERGY you want! One of life's truly great skills. Setting the intention for your energy in every situation just CHANGES the game. Enjoy todays Daily Fire 🔥 in GrowthDay!!

Nov 11, 2023 2:16:01 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 55 seconds) +13038752587

https://share.growthday.com/dailyfire?cmty_campaign=3527c510-8399-4faf-91f2-595365940134&dt=111123&tz=America%2FLos_Angeles&utm_campaign=3527c510-8399-4faf-91f2-595365940134&utm_medium=sms&utm_source=community.com

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Nov 11, 2023 2:18:07 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Spotify

Nov 11, 2023 2:18:28 PM Me

My vibe right now

Nov 11, 2023 2:18:45 PM Me

Soccer training @ 2pm. Heading that way now.

Nov 11, 2023 7:36:53 PM Me

34°27'07.7"N 119°11'51.0"W

Nov 11, 2023 7:39:07 PM Me

6:40 parked for the night. Map is in case you need to find me or my body. You are the only one that has this. Even out here in the dark there are people I can hear who are having fun and reminds me I’m a loser.

Nov 11, 2023 7:40:56 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Farmland?

Nov 11, 2023 7:41:16 PM Me

East end of Ojai Between all the orange Groves and avocado treats

Nov 11, 2023 7:42:51 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Btw- you are not a loser. You are more courageous than you know.

Nov 11, 2023 7:43:21 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Stop telling yourself stories that are not empowering. Flip the script

Nov 11, 2023 7:44:24 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

A suggestion/ starter journaling in written form you travels. Reflect back on where you traveled 🧳

Nov 11, 2023 7:45:39 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Need to take care of the girls

Nov 12, 2023 10:15:59 AM Me

SOS

Nov 12, 2023 10:16:13 AM Me

I’m here at Thacher picking up the boys and I’ve been hit with the biggest load of shame in my life

Nov 12, 2023 10:16:23 AM Me

Overwhelming

Nov 12, 2023 10:17:13 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

What are you feeling shame about

Nov 12, 2023 11:55:05 AM ⇲ Me

Not being able to get help for myself way back when. I wouldn’t be where I am right now, I’d most likely still be in my relationship with Liz even though not perfect we’d still be together and could work things out. Where we are now that feels next to impossible. Like I have a better chance of jumping up in the air and getting to the moon .

Nov 12, 2023 10:17:25 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

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Nov 12, 2023 10:17:54 AM Me

Fucking up my life

Nov 12, 2023 11:04:48 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds) +13038752587

What are you doing with the boys today

Nov 12, 2023 12:21:50 PM ⇲ Me

We did our Sunday morning Starbucks run. Maybe about 20 minutes to 30 minutes in the car that’s it

Nov 12, 2023 11:55:05 AM ⇱ Me

Not being able to get help for myself way back when. I wouldn’t be where I am right now, I’d most likely still be in my relationship with Liz even though not perfect we’d still be together and could work things out. Where we are now that feels next to impossible. Like I have a better chance of jumping up in the air and getting to the moon .
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 12, 2023 12:21:50 PM ⇱ Me

We did our Sunday morning Starbucks run. Maybe about 20 minutes to 30 minutes in the car that’s it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 12, 2023 12:23:16 PM Me

On the trails begin school with Weston. Holding incredible amounts of joy and sadness simultaneously

Nov 12, 2023 12:24:08 PM Me

First hike here since been back. Feels good and bad (memories of better times)

Nov 12, 2023 12:24:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Enjoy the good, allow the bad the pass by

Nov 12, 2023 12:25:18 PM Me

And either I’m really super old and out of shape, OR I’m so fatigued from past two weeks I have no oomph left

Nov 12, 2023 12:25:29 PM +13038752587

*to

Nov 12, 2023 12:25:34 PM Me

Hiking an easy trail is hard

Nov 12, 2023 12:25:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Both haha

Nov 12, 2023 12:25:49 PM Me

Right

Nov 12, 2023 12:25:55 PM Me

😂

Nov 12, 2023 12:26:18 PM Me

at least I’m in the same campsite for a week and it’s only a few miles away not a half an hour

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Nov 12, 2023 12:26:33 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sweet

Nov 12, 2023 12:26:41 PM +13038752587

Can you book it for longer

Nov 12, 2023 12:29:25 PM ⇲ Me

I would have but somebody booked next Saturday and every time you book you get charged at $10 fee. So I’ve already paid $30 in fees just to make reservations.

Nov 12, 2023 12:26:46 PM Me

and if I had an apartment in Ventura, I won’t mind the drive, but driving back-and-forth to campsite is tons of extra work

Nov 12, 2023 12:27:12 PM Me

The stress of finding somewhere to sleep is also on me

Nov 12, 2023 12:28:16 PM Me

K going to attempt a meditation. We are at a nice spot that overlooks the whole Ojai Valley, and there is no noise pollution up here it is perfectly silent.

Nov 12, 2023 12:28:26 PM Me

I can hear the light breeze move through the trees

Nov 12, 2023 12:29:25 PM ⇱ Me

I would have but somebody booked next Saturday and every time you book you get charged at $10 fee. So I’ve already paid $30 in fees just to make reservations.
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Nov 12, 2023 12:30:10 PM Me

Another realization is that if I have a part-time job and I’m coaching soccer and I’m still homeless, it gives me very little time to hunt for jobs, meaning the type of career I want

Nov 12, 2023 1:24:13 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 18 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Change this script. A part time gig will relieve financial stress, allowing me to look to a more permanent place to stay, and create more energy for career search

Nov 12, 2023 1:30:24 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Logically, you have 12 hours a day for coaching, pt job and job search and that gives you gives you 4 hours of Flex Time each day. How can you block your time in these 16 hours.

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Nov 12, 2023 1:33:43 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I personally have to do this too.

Nov 12, 2023 1:38:28 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 46 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I allow my days to get high-jacked to easily. Sarah is off for six weeks starting Wednesday. So I can get out of house 🏡

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Nov 12, 2023 12:30:49 PM Me

That said, I’ve also been massively ineffective the last two weeks where I thought when I came back I’d be stable enough sleeping wise, that I wouldn’t have a problem, putting more time into the search effort

Nov 12, 2023 1:24:13 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 18 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Change this script. A part time gig will relieve financial stress, allowing me to look to a more permanent place to stay, and create more energy for career search
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 12, 2023 1:30:24 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Logically, you have 12 hours a day for coaching, pt job and job search and that gives you gives you 4 hours of Flex Time each day. How can you block your time in these 16 hours.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 12, 2023 1:33:43 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I personally have to do this too.
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Nov 12, 2023 1:35:15 PM Me

I’ll do it today on my Google calendar. I can time box everything and send you a screen capture. I’m on my way to the car and then on my way to set up camp.

Nov 12, 2023 1:38:28 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 46 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I allow my days to get high-jacked to easily. Sarah is off for six weeks starting Wednesday. So I can get out of house 🏡

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Nov 12, 2023 1:59:45 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 24 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

I’m coaching the girls with a muffin stand. They are doing great. Recruited friends to help. Getting big tips. Lessons / Be where people can see you - traffic Smile and wave Say hello to everyone Stay attentive to your store Sometimes it’s boring

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Nov 13, 2023 9:38:54 AM Me

👋

Nov 13, 2023 9:45:27 AM Me

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😂😂

Nov 13, 2023 9:48:13 AM Me

True my entire life. I’ve never been a magnet for women. I struggle to connect with people. Shame I feel “less than” I’ve thought that way since I was five years old. I know exactly the moment it happened. I’ve tried and tried and tried to get over that hump and I can’t. It is impossible. I’ve spent 49 years trying to. I don’t think I’ll ever unglue myself from that

Nov 13, 2023 10:26:54 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I feel you always have and it definitely seems lately that you have expanded your ability to easily connect with people. What

Nov 13, 2023 10:27:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

What was the event that has you stuck?

Nov 13, 2023 10:29:15 AM ⇲ Me

I was five years old, and my great grandfather looked at me after I asked him some simple questions and told me that children are to be seen and not heard. It literally created new synapsis in my brain in that moment from those words

Nov 13, 2023 9:49:20 AM Me

I think that’s partly why I look for validation outside myself. I don’t have the capacity to value myself completely. So I look outside myself to have someone reflect back to me all those things they see that are good in me that I don’t see.

Nov 13, 2023 9:50:49 AM Me

All I know is, I’m headed to a dark place and I can feel it every day. The holidays are coming up and I’m gonna spend them alone sleeping in my car. That’s not where I imagined spending a Thanksgiving or Christmas, but here I am.

Nov 13, 2023 10:28:41 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

What is soccer schedule around thanksgiving? Are the students gone for the week?

Nov 13, 2023 10:29:52 AM ⇲ Me

Yes, campus goes empty and the dining hall closes for the week

Nov 13, 2023 10:30:42 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Suggestion- fly here or to NY

Nov 13, 2023 10:30:55 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Get a cheap ticket

Nov 13, 2023 10:26:54 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I feel you always have and it definitely seems lately that you have expanded your ability to easily connect with people. What
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 13, 2023 10:27:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

What was the event that has you stuck?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 13, 2023 10:28:41 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

What is soccer schedule around thanksgiving? Are the students gone for the week?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 13, 2023 10:29:15 AM ⇱ Me

I was five years old, and my great grandfather looked at me after I asked him some simple questions and told me that children are to be seen and not heard. It literally created new synapsis in my brain in that moment from those words
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 13, 2023 10:29:52 AM ⇱ Me

Yes, campus goes empty and the dining hall closes for the week
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 13, 2023 10:29:55 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Time to re-wire

Nov 13, 2023 10:30:42 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Suggestion- fly here or to NY
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 13, 2023 10:30:55 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Get a cheap ticket
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 13, 2023 10:32:53 AM Me

I’m in a bad headspace today, I’m sure it will move on. Most of these mind fucks that I face every day come hang out for 3 to 6 hours, eat up a good chunk of my day, burn a lot of cycles of brain power, and generally make me feel like shit and unmotivated to get my life back together.

Nov 13, 2023 10:33:24 AM Me

This seems to be a pattern since New York, or hell, maybe even back to Colorado

Nov 13, 2023 10:33:48 AM Me

OK time to get online and try to do something

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Nov 13, 2023 11:26:36 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Basic Day time boxed

Nov 13, 2023 11:42:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.synthesia.io/post/ai-tools

Nov 13, 2023 1:32:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Zaplify

Nov 13, 2023 2:18:14 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

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Nov 13, 2023 2:37:30 PM Me

I would add, and all of the time

Nov 14, 2023 9:37:09 AM Me

Hi

Nov 14, 2023 9:38:22 AM Me

I actually woke up kind of slow and peaceful today. However, entering meditation just brings up everything that I lost. And the idea that I can’t have it back just perpetually killing me. Being away from Ojai was very much in out of sight out of mind paradigm. I’m finding now that I’m here things are far more intense than I have ever imagined.

Nov 14, 2023 11:06:44 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

I’m going to send you an email in a bit - click the future self link - watch the videos and do the exercises

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Nov 14, 2023 11:26:38 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

I’m going to send you an email in a bit - click the future self link - watch the videos and do the exercises

Nov 14, 2023 11:28:53 AM Me

I’m refereeing the soccer game today

Nov 14, 2023 11:29:05 AM Me

Paying me $80

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Nov 14, 2023 11:42:55 AM Me

And I’ll get a few more games to ref as well. It’s something., By the way, I’m applying to Vons, Trader Joe’s, target, and a bunch of other regional employers in Ventura Oxnard, looking for part-time gig.

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Nov 14, 2023 11:43:26 AM Me

I started doing it last night and I’m gonna try to get it all done this morning if not later tonight after the soccer game. Once I get those all done, then I’ll double back to the résumé generation.

Nov 14, 2023 12:52:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thanks for that email with the future work. I’ll look at it later today.

Nov 14, 2023 12:52:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Past few days have been mentally rough for me. But I’m lucid now.

Nov 14, 2023 12:52:35 PM Me

Then this shows up "Problems in our life are like a washing machine. They beat us, shake us, twist and turn us around. But if used properly, in the end, we can come out clean.”

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Nov 14, 2023 12:52:46 PM Me

Lucid = clean

Nov 14, 2023 12:52:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So fresh and so clean clean

Nov 14, 2023 3:04:58 PM Me

Having to put the comment here that well, driving down the road I happen to notice a really good looking woman, walking her incredibly cute dog, and as I drove by slowly I totally locked eyeballs on her and she noticed turn and looked at me and kept walking. I look in the rearview mirror as she’s walking, she stops, turns and looks around to see What car it was. I’ve never ever ever had a woman do a double take ever. Or if they did, I never saw it.

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Nov 14, 2023 3:05:21 PM Me

I got my coffee and now I’m on my way to referee the game. Wish me luck. Hopefully I get the calls, right

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Nov 14, 2023 3:05:27 PM Me

I don’t have VR

Nov 14, 2023 3:15:12 PM Me

Hey, this will also be the first time I will lay my eyes on Liz, so I’ve got to keep it together

Nov 14, 2023 3:20:13 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Be Zen

Nov 14, 2023 3:23:55 PM Me

I will find a shady spot meditate for a few moments and enjoy stillness and quiet

Nov 15, 2023 10:34:49 AM Me

Join me and thousands of others at this free Live Event happening soon on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content

Nov 15, 2023 10:34:51 AM Me

https://insig.ht/e/Woi9pwBHKEb

Nov 15, 2023 10:57:44 AM Me

Hope you’re doing ok over there ⛰️ 🙂

Nov 15, 2023 10:58:11 AM Me

Rain starts today until Saturday 😕 🌂

Nov 15, 2023 12:05:14 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Surviving

Nov 15, 2023 12:24:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Heard loud and clear over here

Nov 15, 2023 12:24:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Emailed you some jobs I saw that might be in line with you

Nov 15, 2023 12:24:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also

Nov 15, 2023 12:24:15 PM Me

Outside is hiring a Sales Executive - Endemic in Boulder, CO or remote considered in (New York, NY; San Francisco, CA; Seattle, WA; or Los Angeles, CA) Full job description here Salary: $68,000 - $100,000

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Nov 15, 2023 12:24:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Outside Inc.

Nov 15, 2023 12:24:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://outside.breezy.hr/p/7793fe9de89f-sales-executive-endemic

Nov 15, 2023 12:25:05 PM Me

The North Face is hiring a Senior Director, PR & Global Brand Communications in Denver, CO Full job description here Salary: $181,440 - $226,800

Nov 15, 2023 12:25:23 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

https://vfc.wd5.myworkdayjobs.com/en-US/vfc_careers/job/Senior-Director--PR-and-Global-Brand-Communications_R-20231030-0115-1

Nov 15, 2023 12:44:13 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check them out

Nov 15, 2023 12:44:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Are you in the 6 days of silence?

Nov 15, 2023 12:45:36 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Not yet but heading that way

Nov 15, 2023 1:14:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been time boxing 40 / 5 and its good

Nov 15, 2023 1:22:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/sethgodin_my-brand-new-course-in-project-management-activity-7128117206936145920-zXJX/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop

Nov 16, 2023 9:18:26 AM Me

Hey, hope you’re doing OK today. I was wondering if you guys in Colorado are all getting together for Thanksgiving. Are you heading over the ridge to your mom’s?

Nov 16, 2023 9:18:59 AM Me

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Made it through a rainy night, and the clouds are clearing out a bit this morning

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Nov 16, 2023 9:19:37 AM Me

Darragh and Thacher play again today against Nordhoff the crosstown Public school that Declan graduated from and played for. Should be very competitive and fun. Last game for the boys before they head out on Thanksgiving break next week.

Nov 16, 2023 9:21:57 AM Me

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Hahaha

Nov 16, 2023 9:26:50 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

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Nov 16, 2023 9:26:57 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Similar day here

Nov 16, 2023 9:27:10 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Rainy night - clouds lifting

Nov 16, 2023 11:27:13 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 16, 2023 11:27:24 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 16, 2023 11:48:25 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Exactly like here this morning. Then the sun burned most of it off. Partly sunny with puffy clouds

Nov 16, 2023 1:10:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Be silent, let go of time, and allow flowing mindfulness reveal the wisdom our busyness hides.”

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Nov 16, 2023 4:21:22 PM (Read by you after 6 hours, 50 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Somewhere in the thread you asked about Thanksgiving- we will probably go to Memes and Barry’s. Are you thinking of flying out?

Nov 16, 2023 11:12:35 PM Me

Don't know yet. I may spend time with someone new. Haven't nailed down plans yet

Nov 16, 2023 11:24:28 PM Me

| Honestly I am not hung up on it or Christmas after today. Something shifted for me this past week. The “idea” of being alone during the holidays is sold and told to everyone that it’s so hard to be alone and people suffer because they don’t see they’re being sold the idea that aloneness is somehow undesirable and can cause despair and depression. I see it as both cultural and societal and it’s very tied to ego. I can see that next week, should I be alone, will still be glorious because I plan to be at the beach 🏝️ relaxing and enjoying the waves 🌊 go in and out. I’m free from the idea during the holidays is going to cause me great suffering. That’s a story I’m inventing and telling myself. And it’s also tied to ego and being able to let go of things. Like I said in the past weeks, some things have shifted and being alone these past couple weeks while there’s been literally stretches of days of great mental suffering due to me trying to process everything that’s going on currently in my life and I don’t know if you wanna call it a breakthrough, and epiphany, a shift as I call it, but I am fine and everything is good. I am not hungry and I can get out of the rain and the cold. And my shoes are have holes. So big picture personally for myself things are good I’m not thriving, but I’m surviving and right now that is great work considering my circumstances. So in some respects, I feel quite free despite the current situation. This isn’t gonna be forever and I know that. OK that’s enough for now. I’ll leave you with that . I hope you have fun with your family and going and seeing grandparents. Talk to you soon
Edited 5 minutes, 57 seconds later | Honestly, I am not hung up on it or Christmas after something shifted for me this past 4-5 days The “idea” of being alone during the holidays is sold and told everyone that it’s so hard to be alone, and people suffer because aloneness is undesirable and can cause despair and depression. I see it as both cultural and societal, and it’s very tied to ego. I can see that next week, should I be alone, will still be glorious because I plan to be at the beach 🏝️ relaxing and enjoying the waves 🌊 going in and out. I’m free from the idea during the holidays are going to cause me great suffering. That’s a story I’m inventing and telling myself. And it’s also tied to ego and being able to let go of things. Like I said in the past weeks, some things have shifted, and being alone these past couple of weeks while there have been stretches of days of great mental suffering due to me trying to process everything that’s going on currently in my life. I don’t know if you want to call it a breakthrough, an epiphany, or a shift, as I call it, but I am fine, and everything is good. I am not hungry, and I can get out of the rain and the cold. And my shoes don't have holes. So, big picture, personally for myself, things are good. I’m not thriving, but I’m surviving, and right now that is great work considering my circumstances. So in some respects, I feel quite free despite the current situation. This isn’t gonna be forever and I know that. OK that’s enough for now. I’ll leave you with that . I hope you have fun with your family and going and seeing grandparents. Talk to you soon

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Nov 17, 2023 12:00:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is cool:

Nov 17, 2023 12:00:23 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.framer.com/

Nov 17, 2023 12:00:43 PM Me

Takes your LI profile and creates a website from it.

Nov 17, 2023 12:11:14 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

Nov 17, 2023 12:51:42 PM Me

I’ve been saving all the AI tools that I see in my AI emails. I have ALOT of tools

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Nov 17, 2023 12:51:48 PM Me

How is Friday going?

Nov 17, 2023 12:52:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Good - about to send in an application

Nov 17, 2023 2:40:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Cool

Nov 17, 2023 2:40:16 PM Me

I have my resume redone

Nov 17, 2023 2:40:26 PM Me

Could you scan it for me?

Nov 17, 2023 2:40:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a PDF

Nov 17, 2023 2:47:17 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Click to download Joseph_Bert_Mahoney.pdf (106.40 KB)

Nov 17, 2023 2:56:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My prompt for chatgpt4

Nov 17, 2023 2:56:25 PM Me

I have text for my resume that I have rewritten to be better with current resume scanning technologies and recruiter preferences. I'll paste the text below. I would like you to review it as if you are one of the leading experts on modern resume writing. Review the format, content quality and length, order of sections, and overall impression. Please provide a bullet list of specific examples of improvement that would make my resume even better.

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Nov 17, 2023 2:58:17 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Email it please - to small on my phone

Nov 17, 2023 2:58:23 PM Me

This is what I got back WOW

Nov 17, 2023 2:58:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thank you for sharing your resume text. Here's a detailed review focusing on the format, content quality, length, order of sections, and overall impression: ### Format and Presentation - **Consistency:** Ensure consistent formatting throughout the resume. This includes font sizes, bullet point styles, and spacing. - **Visual Hierarchy:** Use bolding and italics strategically to highlight important information like job titles or key achievements. ### Content Quality and Length - **Conciseness:** Some sections seem verbose. Aim for brevity while maintaining substance, especially in the opening summary and skills sections. - **Quantifiable Achievements:** You've done well in including specific achievements. However, more quantifiable metrics (like percentages, revenue figures, or user engagement statistics) could further strengthen your accomplishments. - **Relevance:** Tailor your resume to the specific role you're applying for. This might mean emphasizing certain experiences over others. ### Order of Sections - **Professional Experience:** Well-structured and appropriately placed. Consider placing the most impactful achievements first in each job description. - **Education and Certifications:** These are appropriately placed at the end. However, the certifications could be condensed to save space. - **Technical and Design Skills:** This section is comprehensive but could be overwhelming. Consider categorizing skills (e.g., Design Skills, Technical Skills) for easier readability. - **Soft Skills:** While important, this section could be shortened. Focus on the most relevant soft skills for the roles you're targeting. - **Industries Worked Within:** This is a unique section and showcases your versatility. However, consider if all industries listed are relevant to your target job. ### Overall Impression - **Professional and Diverse Experience:** Your resume demonstrates a strong, diverse background in design, which is excellent. - **Focus on AI and Current Trends:** You've highlighted your experience with AI and current design trends, which is highly relevant in today's market. - **Length:** The resume is quite detailed, which is good for context, but consider the attention span of recruiters. Aim for a balance between detail and brevity. ### Specific Suggestions for Improvement: 1. **Trim Lengthy Sections:** Reduce the length of the opening statement and the soft skills list. 2. **Highlight Key Achievements:** Use bullet points to emphasize key achievements in each role. 3. **Quantify Successes:** Where possible, quantify your achievements (e.g., "Increased user engagement by 30%"). 4. **Customization:** Tailor the resume for the specific role you're applying for, highlighting the most relevant experiences and skills. 5. **Design Layout:** Consider the visual design of the resume itself, ensuring it reflects your skills as a designer. 6. **Use Action Verbs:** Start bullet points with strong action verbs to make your experiences more dynamic. 7. **Update Technical Skills:** If any skills are outdated or less relevant, replace them with more current skills. 8. **Proofread for Clarity:** Ensure that each point is clear and concise, eliminating any unnecessary jargon or complex language. Overall, your resume is comprehensive and showcases a wealth of experience. The key will be to package this information in a way that's easily digestible and tailored to the roles you're targeting.

Nov 17, 2023 3:04:47 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

Nov 17, 2023 3:05:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yeah, and that’s AFTER following the ageless resume format and instructions

Nov 17, 2023 3:05:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Emailing it now

Nov 17, 2023 3:07:32 PM Me

Need to get this to a recruiter in the next hour

Nov 17, 2023 3:07:44 PM Me

Making AI suggestion changes already

Nov 17, 2023 3:09:44 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you a resume and cover letter generator I built for GPT

Nov 17, 2023 3:11:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Cool

Nov 17, 2023 3:28:52 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Just added this last section as I think its pertinent

Nov 17, 2023 3:28:53 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

MISCELLANEOUS WINNING SOCCER COACH ( June 2004 — Present ) 16 kids — I coached a youth team for five years from the ages of 8 through 13 2017 Coast Soccer League Champions, U10 Boys Bronze Division Promoted to Silver Division for the 2018 season Three kids are now in their collegiate soccer careers 18 kids — I’ve coached high school boys varsity soccer since 2018 2019 CIF Boys Varsity Soccer State Championship Runner’s Up Consistent record of improving player performance year after year

Nov 17, 2023 3:31:11 PM Me

Changed title to Coaching from Misc

Nov 17, 2023 3:31:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

More accurate

Nov 17, 2023 3:55:11 PM Me

Cool. Have it down to 4 pages. And I’ve excluded ALOT of experience but note that its online with a link

Nov 17, 2023 4:07:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Awesome, Just helped me write a cover letter for what I’m sending this in for.

Nov 17, 2023 4:07:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s taken at least 10 hours to rewrite this. Even with the AI help. Oy!

Nov 17, 2023 4:13:19 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

It takes a while for sure

Nov 17, 2023 4:13:28 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Great job

Nov 17, 2023 4:18:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s all done. Now on to the LinkedIn page rewrite. Hopefully the work on the resume feeds into it.

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Nov 17, 2023 4:35:56 PM Me

Calling it a day online for now. Darragh is going to go out to the field and do some shooting so I’m going to join him.

Nov 17, 2023 8:46:13 PM Me

I just got off the phone with Jan, she’s a new connection from the app. She’s moving from West Hollywood up to Ojai and is up here this weekend. Just spent an hour and a half speaking to her on the phone, and we are meeting for drinks tomorrow night. Bonus fact, she’s from England so she has a fantastic accent.!

Nov 17, 2023 9:48:50 PM Me

John Michael Godier One of my fave YT channels. Imagine putting AI on the task of deciphering Dolphin 🐬 communications! There’s enough data, but can it create a link between us and the animals? Such an interesting idea

Nov 17, 2023 9:48:53 PM Me

YouTube

Nov 18, 2023 9:15:50 AM Me

Saw Elizabeth for first time face to face, or 10 feet away at Starbucks yesterday. Closest I’ve been to her in 6 months. I didn’t even notice her. She saw me and said hi to me. Once I realized it was her, it was a quick “hi” and right back to what I was focusing on. Didn’t engage or look at her the rest of the time as she sat at a table with some students. I wasn’t trying to do anything other than be, and that’s what I did

Nov 18, 2023 9:17:50 AM Me

She left and that was that

Nov 18, 2023 9:18:02 AM Me

Wasn’t triggered or bothered in the slightest

Nov 18, 2023 9:18:17 AM Me

I was surprised that I didn’t have any reaction. Not love, not hate, not anger, just a void.

Nov 18, 2023 9:18:45 AM Me

She still looks great, but I feel dead to her now.

Nov 18, 2023 9:19:45 AM Me

She ALWAYS THINKS I’m trying to emotionally manipulate her when all I’m doing is expressing myself and my emotions.

Nov 18, 2023 10:00:58 AM +13038752587

Good first step - seeing her, saying hello. And allowing the space for it to BE

Nov 18, 2023 10:06:21 AM Me

How are you doing?

Nov 18, 2023 10:06:49 AM Me

I’m homeless starting tonight

Nov 18, 2023 10:07:10 AM Me

Ugh

Nov 18, 2023 10:07:20 AM Me

On the positive side

Nov 18, 2023 10:07:23 AM Me

Have a date for drinks tonight with a woman named Jan who is originally from London UK 🇬🇧 plus she’s a designer Spoke on the phone for over an hour last night and decided to meet tonight. We’ll see how it goes.

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Nov 18, 2023 10:07:24 AM +13038752587

Good - listening to Grant Cardone

Nov 18, 2023 10:07:35 AM Me

Just need to shower

Nov 18, 2023 10:07:45 AM Me

Haven’t in over a week

Nov 18, 2023 10:07:47 AM +13038752587

Where is your next camping 🏕️ place

Nov 18, 2023 10:08:05 AM +13038752587

Rec centers for showers

Nov 18, 2023 10:08:07 AM Me

Don’t have one 💵

Nov 18, 2023 10:08:38 AM Me

Need to get some steady work before I can pay for more camping

Nov 18, 2023 10:08:42 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Didn’t you pull out 10k?

Nov 18, 2023 10:08:46 AM Me

Going to be on the streets

Nov 18, 2023 10:10:17 AM Me

After taxes it’s 7, then pay back bills down to 6, some spent x country, and another months of bills and spending on food since being here. Only a few thousand dollars left

Nov 18, 2023 10:10:26 AM Me

Worried but not worried

Nov 18, 2023 10:11:09 AM Me

This is coming to a head like a deeply rooted pimple

Nov 18, 2023 10:11:41 AM Me

It may explode It may be nothing I don’t know

Nov 18, 2023 10:14:09 AM Me

As long as I can keep my stuff in storage and keep my car I’ll be ok. If I lose either I may lose myself. Won’t lie, it’s stressful as all fucking hell, but I’m numb to it now because I’m in it all the time. When I have to change locations it all comes falling back down on your head

Nov 18, 2023 10:15:19 AM Me

If by some miracle I make it through this… I have no idea. I can only think of and live today

Nov 18, 2023 10:16:18 AM Me

And T I R E D VERY T I R E D But sleep doesn’t help. It’s in my bone marrow now

Nov 18, 2023 10:16:37 AM Me

Deep Fatigue

Nov 18, 2023 10:18:01 AM Me

I need to figure out, because I haven’t taken the time to do it yet, but what is the minimum amount of money I need to eat and have clean water for a week?

Nov 18, 2023 10:20:00 AM Me

And this is without cooking. Remember. I don’t have a stove or a way to heat water. I prefer not building fires they smell. It’s a mess. It’s a pain in the ass. Anyhow. I’ll figure this out somehow I got to this point, but I’m not really sure what is happening next

Nov 18, 2023 10:21:45 AM Me

Just realized I’ve cried every day for over 3 years now for one reason or another

Nov 18, 2023 10:24:16 AM Me

Time to stop feeling sad for myself and crying.

Nov 18, 2023 10:24:43 AM Me

Think it was summed up pretty well in the Shawshank redemption, get busy living or get busy dying

Nov 18, 2023 12:31:31 PM Me

🤣🤣🤣

Nov 18, 2023 12:31:43 PM Me

Sounds about right 🤣

Nov 18, 2023 12:32:07 PM Me

I know! Let’s use AI 🤖

Nov 18, 2023 12:52:33 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Nov 18, 2023 5:30:21 PM Me

So much alone time. It’s wonderful. To A Point

Nov 18, 2023 5:37:46 PM +13038752587

What time is your drinks at

Nov 18, 2023 5:45:30 PM Me

Not sure. Might be rain check She’s not feeling great

Nov 18, 2023 5:50:39 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

No need to push it

Nov 18, 2023 5:51:13 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

What’s your plan for places to sleep

Nov 18, 2023 5:51:36 PM Me

Not sure yet

Nov 18, 2023 5:52:08 PM Me

Going back in to town to storage and then maybe Starbucks for WiFi and work some

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Nov 18, 2023 5:52:47 PM Me

Then likely park car on east end roadside and hope popo doesn’t come knocking

Nov 18, 2023 6:31:24 PM Me

Done at storage now off to Starbucks

Nov 18, 2023 7:24:33 PM Me

No cocktails tonight. Just got word she’s hunkering down for the night.

Nov 18, 2023 9:02:08 PM Me

Well Starbucks kicked me out and now headed to ? At least when I had a campground, I could sit outside my car. The way this is I don’t feel like I can. Anyhow.

Nov 18, 2023 9:05:22 PM Me

I was able to put a job application into Whole Foods

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Nov 18, 2023 9:05:40 PM Me

Before I switch off my brain and just watch alien videos on YouTube tonight like I usually do, I’m going to try to get another application in for either Walmart or target

Nov 19, 2023 8:17:24 AM Me

👋

Nov 19, 2023 8:17:35 AM Me

How is it going over there?

Nov 19, 2023 8:20:27 AM Me

Feeling failure over here

Nov 19, 2023 8:22:37 AM Me

Realizing that I may never feel deeply rooted happiness in my life and it’s quite sad to me. I had it all and lost it, but while I did I was incapable of feeling it because of my mental illness

Nov 19, 2023 8:57:58 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

You may if you choose to

Nov 19, 2023 8:59:13 AM ⇲ Me

If the conditions for happiness aren’t present no amount of choice or wanting will make it happen

Nov 19, 2023 9:00:11 AM ⇲ Me

If it was that goddamn easy, just to say, I’d like the blue one rather than the red one don’t you think I would’ve chosen happiness and be fucking gleeful every day. I don’t wanna fucking feel like this it’s something you can’t shake, it’s like it’s permanently tattooed on you.

Nov 19, 2023 9:01:22 AM ⇲ Me

Also it’s hard to choose happiness when unemployed, homeless and out on the streets thru no choices of my own

Nov 19, 2023 9:03:50 AM ⇲ Me

If I didn’t have kids, I’d already be dead and this wouldn’t be a problem and everybody would already be on with their lives. The grieving would be over. I’d either be buried or burned, and there you go. It’s existential, I don’t fucking matter at all. we create meaning out of thin air. Things on matter if you believe they do. I don’t believe

Nov 19, 2023 9:07:12 AM ⇲ +13038752587

You have found the answer. It’s what you decide, what you create, what you believe. Happiness is defined by you. It’s not outside of you or your conditions. Find your hope. Read Viktor Frankl book 📕

Nov 19, 2023 8:25:38 AM Me

Is that my life lesson? If so I’ve already peaked and I’m ready to go away and die I don’t want to live this life. I didn’t choose it. It was thrown on me and I’m still not clear as to why? I was told for years and years that I was a great husband, and a great father. WTF happened?
Sent with Slam

Nov 19, 2023 9:03:26 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Perhaps you didn’t choose it, but you did choose and do choose what to do with it. It’s your life and you are accountable for it. Placing control and responsibility outside of your self is called victim hood and that will not serve you well. I’m not discounting you mental health. You are aware of it and yet choose not to get professional help. If those you’ve been to haven’t help keep searching. I know you have done a lot of work on your own. But as a soccer coach you know an outside opinion from someone experienced is invaluable

Nov 19, 2023 8:28:54 AM Me

I’ll meditate and swallow it all back down

Nov 19, 2023 8:54:22 AM Me

Been awake for an hour and I am ready for day to be over

Nov 19, 2023 8:57:58 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

You may if you choose to
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Nov 19, 2023 8:58:12 AM Me

I’m sick of tears I’m sick of feelings

Nov 19, 2023 8:59:13 AM ⇱ Me

If the conditions for happiness aren’t present no amount of choice or wanting will make it happen
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 19, 2023 9:00:11 AM ⇱ Me

If it was that goddamn easy, just to say, I’d like the blue one rather than the red one don’t you think I would’ve chosen happiness and be fucking gleeful every day. I don’t wanna fucking feel like this it’s something you can’t shake, it’s like it’s permanently tattooed on you.
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Nov 19, 2023 9:01:22 AM ⇱ Me

Also it’s hard to choose happiness when unemployed, homeless and out on the streets thru no choices of my own
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Nov 19, 2023 9:03:26 AM (Read by you after 24 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Perhaps you didn’t choose it, but you did choose and do choose what to do with it. It’s your life and you are accountable for it. Placing control and responsibility outside of your self is called victim hood and that will not serve you well. I’m not discounting you mental health. You are aware of it and yet choose not to get professional help. If those you’ve been to haven’t help keep searching. I know you have done a lot of work on your own. But as a soccer coach you know an outside opinion from someone experienced is invaluable
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 19, 2023 9:03:50 AM ⇱ Me

If I didn’t have kids, I’d already be dead and this wouldn’t be a problem and everybody would already be on with their lives. The grieving would be over. I’d either be buried or burned, and there you go. It’s existential, I don’t fucking matter at all. we create meaning out of thin air. Things on matter if you believe they do. I don’t believe
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 19, 2023 9:05:21 AM Me

I’ve never mattered my whole life. That’s how I feel from living it.

Nov 19, 2023 9:06:17 AM Me

| On the whole. There are glimpses of things. But glimpses are rooted in anything They are fleeting, like life
Edited 12 seconds later | On the whole. There are glimpses of things. But glimpses arent rooted in anything They are fleeting, like life

Nov 19, 2023 9:07:12 AM ⇱ +13038752587

You have found the answer. It’s what you decide, what you create, what you believe. Happiness is defined by you. It’s not outside of you or your conditions. Find your hope. Read Viktor Frankl book 📕
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Nov 19, 2023 9:07:26 AM Me

Weird thing is is I didn’t drink any alcohol last night. Yet here I find my mind in the sewer again. This usually only happens after arrive. Had something to drink the night before but now it’s coming at me no matter what. Yay me

Nov 19, 2023 9:07:57 AM +13038752587

Stop drinking

Nov 19, 2023 9:08:08 AM Me

I have

Nov 19, 2023 9:12:16 AM Me

That’s it. The creation is on me. Any time I went for happiness as a kid it was shutdown. Little to no expression of happiness or joy as a child. Happiness wasn’t nurtured in me as a child behaving was. That’s what has fucked me up

Nov 19, 2023 9:13:29 AM +13038752587

You have identified it as a trigger for depression and anxiety. Break the habit. Give it time to release its grasp both physically and mentally. The first part is easy as I know you have stopped fir periods of time. The mental pull is strong and societal’s norm for adults is to have drinks. We deal with it every time we are around family. We slip into the pattern if 5 o’clock cocktail

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Nov 19, 2023 9:13:46 AM Me

Falling in line, and keeping quiet. Then maybe some happiness would be given to you. When I was a kid, I wasn’t in control of my happiness it was taken away from me. And I had no idea, I just thought that’s the way everybody grows up.

Nov 19, 2023 9:14:16 AM Me

Happiness is given when you behave and do good

Nov 19, 2023 9:15:20 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

This is where you should focus. Still feeling a victim of your life. You have to go back and heal this! Forgive yourself and all parties.

Nov 19, 2023 9:15:56 AM Me

Go about your day. I don’t mean to hijack your morning

Nov 19, 2023 9:16:10 AM +13038752587

Do you still have the Journey book?

Nov 19, 2023 9:16:40 AM ⇲ Me

Think so but packed in storage

Nov 19, 2023 9:16:31 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I sent it probably 5-7 years ago

Nov 19, 2023 9:16:40 AM ⇱ Me

Think so but packed in storage
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 19, 2023 9:17:16 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I will send you the steps to follow this afternoon

Nov 19, 2023 9:17:38 AM Me

ok

Nov 19, 2023 9:17:50 AM +13038752587

It’s part meditation, self hypnosis and cell memory

Nov 19, 2023 9:18:00 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Cellular

Nov 19, 2023 9:18:23 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Keep the faith 😍

Nov 19, 2023 9:18:48 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Phone is plugged in upstairs- going down to help the girls

Nov 19, 2023 9:24:13 AM Me

Just got a text from Heidi. She's disconnecting from me 😢

Nov 19, 2023 9:25:07 AM Me

I was supposed to have Thanksgiving with her since we both don't have anywhere to go. Guess not.

Nov 19, 2023 9:42:42 AM Me

So now I can feel the rejection of Heidi all day Wtf More fucking rejection!!

Nov 19, 2023 9:42:51 AM Me

Just gutted

Nov 19, 2023 9:45:41 AM Me

I’m getting a message from the world nobody fucking wants me so there you go.

Nov 19, 2023 9:48:28 AM Me

Loser Loser Loser Loser Loser Loser

Nov 19, 2023 12:00:33 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

Stop putting it on the world 🌎 and everyone in it to want you. FUCK THEM! There is only one person who needs to want you… YOU!! Start there and then the world will reflect that back to you.

Nov 19, 2023 12:01:02 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Shift your self talk now

Nov 19, 2023 12:02:02 PM Me

Was a giant rant You're right

Nov 19, 2023 12:02:30 PM Me

Heading on hike with Weston and hoping it helps ground me

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Nov 19, 2023 12:02:46 PM Me

Heidi cut me off today

Nov 19, 2023 12:03:06 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I did not realize you were talking that much

Nov 19, 2023 12:03:44 PM ⇲ Me

Shes out here and plan was to meet and go to the beach

Nov 19, 2023 12:03:06 PM Me

“Leaving the past behind”

Nov 19, 2023 12:03:44 PM ⇱ Me

Shes out here and plan was to meet and go to the beach
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Nov 19, 2023 12:03:59 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That’s good advice but better said, “Leaving my BS stories if the past behind”

Nov 19, 2023 12:04:16 PM +13038752587

*of

Nov 19, 2023 12:04:22 PM Me

and do Thxgiving togwther since neither of us have anywhere to go out here

Nov 19, 2023 12:04:51 PM Me

She's “ leaving it behind “ not me

Nov 19, 2023 12:05:35 PM Me

I was somehow lumped into her past when I’m part of her present. So be it, she has her healing journey she’s on and said that I’m not a part of it so that’s that

Nov 19, 2023 12:09:52 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

On a positive note - there is some seasonal need for folks in your area

Nov 19, 2023 12:11:11 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Text me when you’re back. I just “applied” to deliver UPS. Basically as long as background check is good you get brought on board

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Nov 19, 2023 1:08:39 PM Me

Be Useful Or get your ass to Mars

Nov 19, 2023 1:08:42 PM Me

Spotify

Nov 19, 2023 2:16:25 PM Me

I’m 200 yards from done

Nov 19, 2023 2:16:38 PM Me

Ready to hear about the UPS thing

Nov 19, 2023 2:22:19 PM Me

Can you send me a URL??
Sent with Echo

Nov 19, 2023 2:23:09 PM Me

I could google but want to use yours

Nov 19, 2023 2:24:04 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Emailed them to you

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Nov 19, 2023 2:24:21 PM Me

😁

Nov 19, 2023 2:24:43 PM Me

R you in?

Nov 19, 2023 2:25:34 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Waiting on verification

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Nov 19, 2023 2:26:03 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

The clouds you send ads cool. What was the time lapse

Nov 19, 2023 2:58:24 PM ⇲ Me

On my iPhone

Nov 19, 2023 2:58:43 PM ⇲ Me

Timelapse is one of the options

Nov 19, 2023 3:15:10 PM ⇲ +13038752587

How long was the actual time it took?

Nov 19, 2023 3:15:46 PM ⇲ Me

Maybe 1 min not much

Nov 19, 2023 2:26:43 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Sent are

Nov 19, 2023 2:54:55 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Cool. I got to conditional job offer part. Need to shower now after hike. Feel a bit gross.

Nov 19, 2023 2:58:24 PM ⇱ Me

On my iPhone
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 19, 2023 2:58:43 PM ⇱ Me

Timelapse is one of the options
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Nov 19, 2023 3:10:34 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I submitted all the info and now watching a “Welcome to the Team” video

Nov 19, 2023 3:14:31 PM +13038752587 unsent a message.

Nov 19, 2023 3:14:44 PM +13038752587

Cool 😎

Nov 19, 2023 3:15:10 PM ⇱ +13038752587

How long was the actual time it took?
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Nov 19, 2023 3:15:12 PM Me

I’m not sure exactly if I’m totally in, but they did ask me to confirm a start date and time

Nov 19, 2023 3:15:46 PM ⇱ Me

Maybe 1 min not much
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Nov 19, 2023 4:02:51 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 42 seconds) Me

I can book next two weeks solid at Dennison - where I was staying - but one campground over which is not as ideal as you feel someone is watching over you $350

Nov 19, 2023 4:03:21 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

Not sure if I should do it

Nov 19, 2023 4:42:12 PM Me

Nov 19, 2023 4:42:49 PM Me

Took a bit to get all the pictures but I've Given them everything. I’m hopeful I’ll get this.

Nov 19, 2023 5:25:07 PM Me

A week would be 185

Nov 19, 2023 5:25:46 PM Me

I should do the week. Then go from there

Nov 19, 2023 5:25:52 PM +13038752587

What’s the benefit of only staying 1 week?

Nov 19, 2023 5:26:05 PM Me

Less $$ up front

Nov 19, 2023 5:27:12 PM Me

I could do more car sleeping, but feels weird in Ojai. But not Vta

Nov 19, 2023 5:27:59 PM Me

Have 2500 left and need to be frugal

Nov 19, 2023 5:28:29 PM Me

At least until more $$

Nov 19, 2023 5:28:44 PM Me

And I’m probably not thinking clearly, because I’m in this situation that I am very aware of

Nov 19, 2023 5:28:47 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Would 2 weeks allow a more stability

Nov 19, 2023 5:29:30 PM Me

Not really. I can get more campground time with more $$

Nov 19, 2023 5:31:04 PM +13038752587

Will it be easy to extend your stay? You are talking 30 more to book week by week - right

Nov 19, 2023 5:31:20 PM Me

10 more

Nov 19, 2023 5:31:50 PM Me

So 370 instead of 350

Nov 19, 2023 5:32:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Plus booking fee right?

Nov 19, 2023 5:32:18 PM Me

Yes easy to get another week

Nov 19, 2023 5:32:27 PM Me

10 is the fee

Nov 19, 2023 5:32:58 PM Me

175 a week + 10 fee

Nov 19, 2023 5:33:17 PM Me

I ended up paying 10 bucks every time I want to make a reservation

Nov 19, 2023 5:34:42 PM Me

It’s easy to get spots because it’s off-season. Only the hardy people are out now. That said I’m not sure if I’ll do that tonight. I may just go to Ventura for another night in the car and then maybe start camping tomorrow. I can roll into the campground Midday instead of rolling in the dark, save myself 25 bucks. That’s enough to buy me a fancy dinner like premade sushi.

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Nov 19, 2023 5:42:23 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 19, 2023 5:42:48 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

This just came across my notifications- thought I’d pass it along

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Nov 19, 2023 5:43:12 PM Me

OK, going to leave campus stop by storage drop off some things, then head to Starbucks in Ojai until the 730 closing, and do a bit of work on the computer After that, I’ll drive to Ventura and find a spot to crash for the night

Nov 19, 2023 5:43:32 PM Me

I’ll probably send you a Google map pin where I’m at when I stop for the night

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Nov 19, 2023 5:44:14 PM Me

Thanks for putting up with my ranting and nonsense. I know it’s probably not easy to discern the wheat from the chaff. I appreciate you staying cool.

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Nov 19, 2023 5:44:31 PM Me

My brother would freak out if I texted him the stuff I sent you and my mom would have a meltdown

Nov 19, 2023 8:35:22 PM Me

Nov 19, 2023 8:35:49 PM Me

Nov 19, 2023 8:36:41 PM Me

OK I am off to Ventura. I’m likely going to hit Walmart and then will ping you the map location once my car is parked for the night.

Nov 19, 2023 11:34:47 PM Me

I’m here

Nov 19, 2023 11:34:50 PM Me

1962-1908 Goodyear Ave

Nov 20, 2023 8:54:56 AM Me

Hi, awake for a bit. I won’t lie waking up on the street is triggering makes me feel like shit Its very depressing The feeling of “Ive lost at life is all over you”

Nov 20, 2023 8:58:24 AM Me

In the morning, I feel like I can’t push through another day and get to the end of it so fucking exhausted. Mentally, I feel like I’m doing nothing but so fucking exhausted every day. I can only think the weight of all of this on my mind.

Nov 20, 2023 8:58:52 AM Me

Anyhow, I’ll end up sitting here for two hours just sulking in my head I’ve got to get moving

Nov 20, 2023 9:03:49 AM Me

I thought “better off dead” for years now, and nothings changed my mind on that. i’m carrying mine and Lizs shit on my back for the rest of my life. Fact.

Nov 20, 2023 9:04:23 AM Me

And I’ll share that some mornings I wake up and wonder if this is the last day I’ll be alive

Nov 20, 2023 9:05:08 AM Me

K shutting up now

Nov 20, 2023 9:16:34 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t sit anymore - get in motion

Nov 20, 2023 9:50:02 AM Me

At Starbucks. $3 gets me WiFi until I can figure out what’s next

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Nov 20, 2023 9:51:29 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I am literally in lizard brain survival mode. Not sure why, but feeling zero energy. Its like I didnt sleep.

Nov 20, 2023 9:59:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How can I turn all of what I’m going thru in my head into something? There is a deeeeeeeeep quality to what I am experiencing. If I can find the right medium to convey it… Art? Design? Something? I dont know. Is it Fucked Up?

Nov 20, 2023 11:12:56 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Art and writing ✍️

Nov 20, 2023 10:04:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thing is I still laugh at the premise that I’m in my 50s and have no fucking clue who I am. I’ve been so dissociated and living in either anxiety or depression my whole life that my identity feels like whatever suits the moment in order to make peace, make no ripples in the pond, and generate a mask of likability. When I resonate with the rage/anger vibration inside me, it’s volatile. I got in that headspace in the mosh pit back in NY at the Jinjer show. I didnt give one shit about what happened — I just wanted to feel alive. Getting your ass handed to you and getting up off the floor has a way of waking you up.

Nov 20, 2023 11:14:39 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This second paragraph I believe is how much us are living our lives.

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Nov 20, 2023 10:05:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been indecisive my entire life, based in fear of going the wrong way, or picking the wrong thing.

Nov 20, 2023 11:15:27 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 34 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Just now discussed this on a call.

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Nov 20, 2023 10:07:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That combined with the mask of likability can severely limit a person. Not to mention the ever-persistent internal critic ( the internalized voice of the father ) who has reminded you since you have memories, that you dont measure up, you are to be seen and no one cares what you have to say or if you have an opinion — you dont matter in the chessgame on Earth.

Nov 20, 2023 10:08:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Your feelings dont matter. Your opinions dont matter. Your voice doesn’t matter. YOU dont matter.

Nov 20, 2023 10:09:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Getting a bit existential, I know. But THIS is the at the root level for me There may be other tangential items, but I believe those things I mentioned are at the root of me.

Nov 20, 2023 10:10:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s a sweet baby Jesus fucking miracle that I’m not incarcerated or institutionalized. It sometimes feels like I’m out of the ward, but shouldn’t be and someone is out looking for me.

Nov 20, 2023 10:13:11 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Random: Woke myself up the other night from a deep sleep where I was fistfighting this guy….

Have NO fucking idea what that is all about.

Nov 20, 2023 10:13:11 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Nov 20, 2023 10:13:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m so fucked up

Nov 20, 2023 10:13:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m crying and laughing as I type this at Starbucks thinking about where the fuck I find myself

Nov 20, 2023 10:30:12 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Got my follow up from UPS — they’re putting me thru. Filling out lots more forms and info now. Agreeing to lots of things.

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Nov 20, 2023 11:17:47 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I’m doing it too - start next Monday If you need me to verify for I9. Let me know

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Nov 20, 2023 11:12:56 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Art and writing ✍️
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 20, 2023 11:14:39 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This second paragraph I believe is how much us are living our lives.

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Nov 20, 2023 11:15:27 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 34 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Just now discussed this on a call.

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Nov 20, 2023 11:17:47 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I’m doing it too - start next Monday If you need me to verify for I9. Let me know

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 20, 2023 11:19:43 AM Me

Yeah, let me watch the video

Nov 20, 2023 11:38:21 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Ok, you should have an email with a code

Nov 20, 2023 11:38:29 AM Me

Who did you use?

Nov 20, 2023 12:09:14 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Sarah

Nov 20, 2023 12:09:41 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I think all you need is the code I sent back.

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Nov 20, 2023 11:39:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, I can feel part of my subconscious relax now that this is setup for next Monday. Dont feel so dire anymore.

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Nov 20, 2023 12:04:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Just reserved camp spot for today, and checking out one week from this morning, and heading to UPS for first day. After work I’ll decide where I’m going after. We’ll see.

Nov 20, 2023 12:04:24 PM Me

This is all going to move fast I thikn

Nov 20, 2023 12:09:14 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Sarah
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 20, 2023 12:09:41 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I think all you need is the code I sent back.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 20, 2023 12:15:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The code expires.

Nov 20, 2023 12:15:41 PM Me

Expired that you sent back

Nov 20, 2023 12:15:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sending email again right now.

Nov 20, 2023 12:16:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, just sent

Nov 20, 2023 12:16:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

ssiq3dH9

Nov 20, 2023 12:17:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thx!

Nov 20, 2023 12:37:12 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Checkout hellotech. I got waitlisted due to low customer volume in the area. Which makes sense. But Ventura should br good

Nov 20, 2023 12:46:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Got the same

Nov 20, 2023 12:46:17 PM Me

I also applied to Whole Foods too

Nov 20, 2023 12:46:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok. Been here for almost 3 hours and need to change scenery

Nov 20, 2023 1:08:43 PM Me

Going to go pickup my tent and other camp gear and move into camp

Nov 20, 2023 1:08:52 PM Me

Then I think chill out.

Nov 20, 2023 1:09:04 PM Me

I’m on for cocktails with Jan @ 6pm tonight

Nov 20, 2023 1:10:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Had great laughs on the phone so hoping it continues in person. Besides I love British accents and their slang, “bubbles and squeak”, “snogging”, “wanker”, “tosser” et al

Nov 20, 2023 1:12:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe yesterday was the lowest point. Maybe its still to come. At some point things have to start moving the other way for me. The pendulum feels like it may never swing back the other way

Nov 20, 2023 1:13:03 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

It will

Nov 20, 2023 4:05:10 PM Me

Join me and others at this free Live Event happening soon on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content

Nov 20, 2023 4:05:13 PM Me

https://insig.ht/e/922AJ9HnTEb

Nov 20, 2023 9:45:57 PM Me

Hey there, just got done with cocktails hanging out with Jan. She’s super cool I like hanging out with her and I love her British accent.

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Nov 21, 2023 9:31:30 AM Me

Hi 👋

Nov 21, 2023 9:34:20 AM Me

How goes it? Slept past 8. First time I’ve done that since I can’t remember. Still feel incredibly lonely. And it feels like I can’t move on with my life until I’ve been alone for a long time. Thing is in my marriage I was alone. Probably the last five or six years of it. I felt pushed outside, and an orbiting satellite.

Nov 21, 2023 9:35:40 AM Me

So now that that’s blown up, I have to sit through even more years of this. I don’t think I can do that simply because I’m just too fucking sensitive. One of two things will happen either. I lose that sensitive side to myself, and become hardened and fucking cranky asshole. Or I get lucky and die in my sleep. I have a heart attack or get hit by lightning.

Nov 21, 2023 9:37:13 AM Me

Instead of seeing every day as a gift, I see it as another fucking hoop I had to jump through. And every day the hoop is different, and I have to figure it out By mid afternoon my brain is exhausted simply because I’ve been spinning cycles on stress. Don’t know how much longer I can do this

Nov 21, 2023 9:53:28 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Breathe You are going to have some space soon. The temp job will occupy your mad mind and put some money in your pocket. Keep things simple- one step at a time.

Nov 21, 2023 9:53:48 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes) +13038752587

On a call until 10:30 🕥 MST

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Nov 21, 2023 11:11:46 AM Me

My vibe. For past 3 years. And still going strong. Days come and go….

Nov 21, 2023 11:11:49 AM Me

Spotify

Nov 21, 2023 12:14:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Call with a recruiter for a UX position this afternoon. I think this could move fast.

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Nov 21, 2023 12:20:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“If you have even one companion in your life in whom you can trust without reservation, you have found one of existence's greatest gifts.” I thought I had that. I was disillusioned after 30 years for reasons still unclear to me. The crux for me is losing everything and not knowing why. Yes I was ill, but that’s no reason to break a 30 year relationship. She was holding back things I have no idea about apparently. She wanted to go to therapy as a couple, but then something changed — I dont know what that is, or what triggered it for her — person, place, or thing. I’m left holding open questions to a broken heart that I carry around with me every day. I fear that I will go into a ‘normal’ routine and hermit myself to the world and life. Eat, sleep, work, shit, shower, repeat until I die. All work and no play make Bert a dull boy. What about “All broken-hearted and no work or play make Bert a miserable sod.”

Nov 21, 2023 12:20:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

More brain dumps

Nov 21, 2023 12:21:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com

Nov 21, 2023 12:32:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there, Looks like my I-9 didnt go thru

Nov 21, 2023 12:32:17 PM Me

Can you check email and tell me the code

Nov 21, 2023 12:32:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just sent it, good for only 30 mins

Nov 21, 2023 12:32:53 PM +13038752587

eBnybYSB

Nov 21, 2023 12:32:58 PM Me

Got a message from UPS overnight about it

Nov 21, 2023 12:51:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Cool, got a confirmation email that its complete

Nov 21, 2023 12:51:58 PM Me

Turned in my passport info

Nov 21, 2023 12:52:04 PM Me

Easy peasy

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Nov 21, 2023 1:04:52 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.analyticsinsight.net/10-ai-tools-that-chatgpt-says-every-consultant-should-know/?utm_source=www.neatprompts.com&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=openai-s-focus-after-sam-altman

Nov 21, 2023 1:35:30 PM Me

The flag on the door here in the common room made me think of you and the girls when you walked to school. I’ll look at the label to see if I can find out who makes it

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Nov 21, 2023 3:14:53 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Nov 21, 2023 3:16:21 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Nov 21, 2023 3:46:10 PM Me

I did the hoop, jumping and now I’m waiting for a text from them that should show up this week and I’ll get the details of just what this is about

Nov 21, 2023 3:46:19 PM Me

I’d imagine they want me to go to Santa Barbara and Ventura

Nov 21, 2023 6:23:55 PM Me

It was just made abundantly clear to me, that I don't have a family, rather, I have two boys living with their mother.

Nov 21, 2023 6:25:35 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

?

Nov 21, 2023 9:31:59 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

One, I’m not sure who said something in regards to your family. Two, how you define family is not up for interpretation. While the circumstances may not fit the stereotypical definition, you still have a family. Your boys are and always will be your family. And, nothing can change the fact that you are their father and Liz is their mother. And, “that’s the fact Jack”

Nov 21, 2023 9:32:45 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Message me back tonight.

Nov 21, 2023 9:35:57 PM Me

🥶

Nov 21, 2023 9:36:09 PM Me

⛺

Nov 21, 2023 9:38:27 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have a sleeping bag and pad?

Nov 21, 2023 9:38:36 PM Me

Yes

Nov 21, 2023 9:39:22 PM Me

Nov 21, 2023 9:41:34 PM Me

Going in tent momentarily

Nov 21, 2023 9:42:06 PM Me

I'm fine This is fine Everything is fine

Nov 21, 2023 9:51:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I generally find the word “fine” suspicious 🤨 It’s kind of like “sure” Or “whatever” However, I will take as it’s all good I’m here if you want to chat or talk. Be back in 30m. Putting girls to sleep. Late movie night. Love ❤️

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Nov 22, 2023 8:55:00 AM Me

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Good morning. Got hired to do the brand thing!

Nov 22, 2023 9:18:04 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning ☀️

Nov 22, 2023 9:18:18 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Getting in highway to Denver

Nov 22, 2023 9:34:41 AM Me

Headed to your moms and Barrys?

Nov 22, 2023 10:14:01 AM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Staying at Trees - T day at Barry’s

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Nov 22, 2023 11:56:44 AM (Read by them after 18 seconds) Me

Medium

Nov 22, 2023 3:34:40 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 22, 2023 3:34:50 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Currents in the ocean

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Nov 22, 2023 3:38:29 PM +13038752587

At the museum

Nov 22, 2023 3:38:46 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

They have an ice age exhibit

Nov 22, 2023 4:00:18 PM +13038752587

First page I opened to

Nov 22, 2023 4:01:03 PM +13038752587

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Nov 22, 2023 4:08:29 PM Me

I feel that

Nov 22, 2023 4:08:35 PM Me

Have felt it

Nov 22, 2023 4:14:41 PM Me

Deep down, there’s a coldhearted motherfucker in everybody all they need is the right trigger

Nov 22, 2023 4:21:20 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Read the binders

Nov 22, 2023 4:27:23 PM Me

Well, I’ve had my last interaction with another being for the day. Now I’m going to go buy a can opener for my tuna fish can and go sit at my campsite alone for the rest of the day

Nov 22, 2023 4:32:19 PM Me

I’m going quiet now. Won't be communicating until Friday. Wishing anyone a happy Thanksgiving is triggering despite awareness and being ready for it. You can’t stop the thoughts, emotions, and feelings. You have to be, and just let it flow and run its course. I know tomorrow people will reach out, well, maybe not people maybe one or two might reach out to wish me a happy Thanksgiving and I won’t be able to reply simply because Already triggered right now just talking about it. For some reason, a weakness in my mind is buying into the idea that spending the holidays alone is some kind of evil sentence, or purgatory of some kind,. Thing is, it’s just another day on the calendar. It only means something because people give it that. And paradoxically if I follow the logic, if I myself put no meaning and value into Thanksgiving, I shouldn’t have triggers. So, that’s what I’m attempting to do. Experience tomorrow like it’s a Tuesday and some random non-event week of the year

Nov 22, 2023 4:33:20 PM Me

I don’t feel awesome. Far from it. I don’t think for a millisecond. I thought that I’ve got this. It’s just constant uncertainty, ambiguity, and unknown.

Nov 22, 2023 4:34:05 PM Me

In fact, I said to the recruiter yesterday and my interview that you wouldn’t find anyone who has more comfort and calmness in the midst of unknown ambiguity and uncertainty.

Nov 22, 2023 4:34:37 PM Me

OK, I’m gonna try to be quiet now and I’m already crying about it so I’ll just reach back out on Friday morning

Nov 22, 2023 4:35:02 PM Me

Have a great holiday tomorrow, and say hi to everyone for me 😊

Nov 22, 2023 5:08:42 PM Me

Ps. Just picked up the Turkey for tomorrow.

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Nov 22, 2023 6:05:14 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 54 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

A thought 💭 Last year we were in France for Thanksgiving and of course it’s not a holiday there. And the Americans who live there don’t have the day off, kids are in school. When you step outside the norm and culture. It really is just another day. I believe each of us can choose how we spend the day. No preconceptions, no judgements. It’s a great day of calm if you’re in a place of observation. Things get still. There is a peace in the stress of the day to day, that folks stressing about traveling, seeing people they rather not, dealing with the rush of getting somewhere. I remember many a tday that I went out and observed the stillness. You can breathe, really breathe! Have a wonderful day. Grateful for you in my life. Happy Peaceful Day. Do message me if you are inspired to. Love you ‘cuz 😍

Nov 22, 2023 6:41:32 PM Me

Thx

Nov 22, 2023 6:42:22 PM Me

I was able to change the story I’m telling myself, albeit tenuous.

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Nov 22, 2023 6:43:44 PM Me

In the end I’ll be fine. I’m fine. 🙂 It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

Nov 22, 2023 6:43:57 PM Me

🤣

Nov 22, 2023 6:44:49 PM Me

I know that’ll get under your skin a bit. I should get you the t-shirt for the holiday

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Nov 22, 2023 10:33:59 PM Me

Most people spend their lives preparing to be unknown Let it guide you … message received 👍

Nov 22, 2023 11:18:26 PM Me

Interesting

Nov 22, 2023 11:59:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Best BPM Tools, Vendors, Software and BPMS

Nov 23, 2023 8:53:52 AM Me

Woke up feeling nothing. Half my tent fell on me while sleeping. My teeth hurt a lot. Been grinding them down to nubs while sleeping since this started over a year ago. Never thought I’d be homeless for the holidays and lose the family I spent my life building and raising.

Nov 23, 2023 8:56:39 AM Me

Better off dead Still hard for me to refute that over a year later. Life is worse now. Honestly could not care about work or money. It’s my heart that will NEVER recover from this. I think I’m just going to be alone rest of my life because then no one can hurt me

Nov 23, 2023 9:02:37 AM Me

Meeting new people is fine, but I already know that finding someone new is a lost cause for me. I’m too broken and can see and admit it. Why would anyone ever want to put up with me 24/7? Fuck I can’t put up with me 24/7 and you know it because I’m texting you constantly, weeks have turned into months and now years. I don’t know why this is happening to me. What I’ve experienced is more punishment than anything I’ve ever been through and it’s always there for more. K, done ranting. Time to go sit

Nov 23, 2023 9:11:27 AM Me

Yeah, hermit mode I’m usually kind of miserable when I’m in hermit mode. But I know I can just get used to it as it’s better than being hurt or setting myself up to be hurt. Maybe that’s might take away from all this is that I just need to be alone. For the rest of my life.

Nov 23, 2023 9:12:13 AM Me

It’s really not hard just to disappear in the masses

Nov 23, 2023 11:56:13 AM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

A thought for your reflection is why have YOU chosen to experience this? Why do YOU feel the need to have this “punishment” and see there is always more to come? How does being alone serve you? Keep the faith 😍

Nov 23, 2023 12:00:31 PM Me

Exactly that. It’s a choice to be miserable, and when I woke up I wasn’t “awake” yet to realize what I was doing to myself. Done sulking and self pity. That’s a choice too Headed into town to swap gear at storage. Then Starbucks for coffee WiFi and power up my remote battery 🪫 ( they have plugs 🔌) Then back here in the afternoon to watercolor which I’ve been wanting to do but haven’t found the right time/energy.

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Nov 23, 2023 12:12:55 PM Me

‼️ Swipe the phone that’s the time

Nov 23, 2023 12:13:50 PM Me

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Nov 23, 2023 12:14:13 PM Me

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Nov 23, 2023 12:16:41 PM Me

Nov 23, 2023 12:18:22 PM Me

Nov 23, 2023 7:09:23 PM Me

Hope you’re having a good day today — no triggers 😁

Nov 23, 2023 7:09:58 PM Me

Just wished Liz a good holiday and wellness and peace.

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Nov 23, 2023 7:11:43 PM Me

I’m curious if someone else new has been at Thanksgiving dinner playing my role at my old house tonight.

Nov 23, 2023 7:12:58 PM Me

I so want to ask D and D in person because if they try to get on over on me I’ll see and feel it. Best to prepare for the worst and hope for the best

Nov 23, 2023 7:13:07 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Probably not, and why create fictions. Not good for the psyche

Nov 23, 2023 7:13:42 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 8 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t ask them!

Nov 23, 2023 7:14:50 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 6 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

If you want know if Liz is dating- ask her. Obviously, not tonight.

Nov 23, 2023 7:15:38 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 6 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Let go of any thoughts about that for now

Nov 23, 2023 7:37:35 PM Me

I’ve heard talk of her questioning her sexuality, ie. She’s now a Dyke.

Nov 23, 2023 7:38:13 PM +13038752587

Talk from whom?

Nov 23, 2023 7:41:09 PM Me

Sherry. They were all hanging out at Joanna’s over the summer and Liz brought up the topic by asking “don’t you ever feel like you’re a guy?” And sherry puzzlingly answered no, I enjoy my femininity and wearing dresses etc. Liz also has had “deep chats” with the campuses newest chief Lesbians Things changed for me with Liz when they came to campus

Nov 23, 2023 7:41:25 PM Me

That was pre Covid

Nov 23, 2023 7:42:26 PM Me

She was questioning it during Covid too Makes sense she’s just DONE with me because she has enough going on internally and her moms decline

Nov 23, 2023 7:44:05 PM Me

And how do you say to your husband that you’re a lesbian now? Liz isn’t vulnerable AT ALL and wouldn’t share that with me, or any of her thoughts feelings or emotions on any topic for a very long time

Nov 23, 2023 7:44:20 PM Me

And then the ghosting

Nov 24, 2023 9:24:59 AM +13038752587

Keep warm

Nov 24, 2023 9:38:44 AM Me

Trying

Nov 24, 2023 9:46:02 AM +13038752587

Nov 24, 2023 9:47:06 AM +13038752587

Use this to get something warm - think it has 10-15 on it. So perhaps 2-3 drinks

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Nov 24, 2023 9:48:30 AM Me

Thx! 🙏

Nov 24, 2023 9:48:46 AM Me

Crying because of the kindness

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Nov 24, 2023 9:51:42 AM +13038752587

$19.65. I just checked ✅

Nov 24, 2023 9:54:57 AM Me

it’s wild out $20 suddenly seems like a lot of money to me

Nov 24, 2023 9:55:21 AM +13038752587

That’s could get 4-5 cups of coffee and internet 🛜 time 😀

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Nov 24, 2023 10:33:36 AM Me

I’ve added that Starbucks card to my digital Starbucks wallet, so if you want to chuck it, you can,. Also was keenly aware when I woke up this morning about not allowing my mind to fall into that thing, I do where I beat myself up every morning and feel awful soI’ve largely bypass that. I don’t feel great but I’m not a puddle and a mess. Which is kind of nice.

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Nov 24, 2023 11:22:27 AM Me

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Nov 24, 2023 11:22:27 AM Me

Just arrived. Drink waiting 😁

Nov 24, 2023 3:30:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Got my first hi-rez product on Zazzle here:

Nov 24, 2023 3:30:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Zazzle

Nov 24, 2023 3:30:48 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I took the idea that guy had for flowers and did it with birds. I have a total of 35 birds, 7 each from 5 regions.

Nov 24, 2023 3:31:18 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I have all the high-res artwork created. Just a matter of uploading files and putting meta data in there

Nov 24, 2023 3:31:43 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Zazzle, society6, and maybe Etsy

Nov 24, 2023 3:31:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And talk about WEIRD

Nov 24, 2023 3:32:59 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Liz walked into Starbucks to pick up a coffee for herself. I happened to look up and she was locked eyes on me and said “hi” with a slightly friendly face. I replied “hi” and then continued looking down at my computer and working. I did not look back up as she left.

Nov 24, 2023 4:15:07 PM Me

Back at camp. It’s interesting when you drive in the car and don’t put the radio or anything on to distract you. Period. You go into your mind and it makes perfect sense. Why so many people just loved to distract themselves constantly.

Nov 24, 2023 4:51:57 PM Me

Vibe

Nov 24, 2023 4:52:02 PM Me

Spotify

Nov 24, 2023 4:53:12 PM Me

Spotify

Nov 24, 2023 6:16:46 PM Me

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Nov 25, 2023 11:43:12 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Good morning. Is all ok?

Nov 25, 2023 12:00:24 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 26 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Hello - all is ok 👌

Nov 25, 2023 12:00:43 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

How are you? It s cold and snowy

Nov 25, 2023 1:28:09 PM Me

This a Is a goal. Show in Mexico City. Never seen Kendrick, LCD, FourTet, OMG 😱 this would be a lot of fun. I get a good gig and I'll fly me and you down 👍

Nov 25, 2023 1:39:33 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Make it happen 😀

Nov 25, 2023 1:42:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m trying to show GPT handwritten pages of notes through my camera and convert it into text. CGPT4 says no can do, but this…

Nov 25, 2023 1:42:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt-can-now-see-hear-and-speak

Nov 25, 2023 1:43:01 PM Me

BTW, first image of purple green… Hey openAI 1998 called and wants its neon web back 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Nov 25, 2023 1:58:05 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Best part of CGPT reading my handwriting…

Nov 25, 2023 1:58:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I'VE BEEN WHORED OUT SOUL AS DASTARD OR WOLF

Nov 25, 2023 1:58:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

🤣🤣🤣

Nov 25, 2023 1:58:23 PM Me

Wut?

Nov 25, 2023 2:16:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There's An AI For That

Nov 25, 2023 2:53:38 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

2 things I’ve finally been pushing on.

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Bert Sherts (more work needs to be done above) and Berty Birds￼Designer wrapping paper based on Audubon￼￼

Nov 25, 2023 2:53:59 PM Me

Bottom artwork and the little guy — me and my prompts

Nov 25, 2023 2:55:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a Zazzle store, society6, deviant, and one other. Going to put the art on all 4 and see what happens. Whichever shows the most is where I will do the next one.

Nov 25, 2023 2:55:21 PM Me

Been working on this Since Turkey Day

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Nov 25, 2023 4:09:24 PM Me

Nov 26, 2023 11:07:11 AM Me

Good morning

Nov 26, 2023 12:41:47 PM Me

Hey, fyi I have a date with a new woman at 1pm, Jenica-44. Lives in Ventura, 2kids 16 &20. Cool profile and had fun chatting and said we should meet before my fingers fall off.

Nov 26, 2023 12:43:45 PM Me

I thought a lot about this, going out in meeting new people when so much of my other parts of my life are unsettled. The thing is the interaction conversation. Engagement of another woman isn’t something I’ve not had in five years or more so even though the divorce may seem recent the separation—intimate and intellectually happened years ago, maybe 5+

Nov 26, 2023 12:44:11 PM Me

I Work tomorrow so if somebody asks me where I work, I just say UPS

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Nov 26, 2023 1:09:54 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds) +13038752587

On the road home

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Nov 26, 2023 1:10:42 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

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Nov 26, 2023 1:12:22 PM Me

I’ll text you back later and let you know how everything goes

Nov 26, 2023 7:50:42 PM Me

Started at 1pm. We’re still out 😊

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Nov 26, 2023 9:11:03 PM Me

She told me that she wants to kiss me. 😱

Nov 26, 2023 11:04:31 PM Me

So she just dropped me off at my car we spent nine hours together. And yes, kissing did happen but we were both well aware that that’s where it should stop for tonight. She is a lot of fun and very funny and animated and tells good stories

Nov 27, 2023 8:33:34 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Ping me when you wake up

Nov 27, 2023 8:33:45 AM Me

Awake

Nov 27, 2023 8:33:53 AM Me

Ping

Nov 27, 2023 8:36:19 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Just got back from 1st day - sort of. Seems it’s a third party who hires us and you may only need to fill out paperwork for the union. Bring two forms of identification Things may be different in Cali.

Nov 27, 2023 8:37:03 AM Me

So no, delivering just going validating you exist and filling out paperwork

Nov 27, 2023 8:37:30 AM Me

I imagine people don’t show up so they don’t expect to depend on them delivering the first day perhaps

Nov 27, 2023 8:38:22 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

For me, yes.

Nov 27, 2023 8:39:57 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I asked the exact question about people not showing up. A bit of a bummer - had I realize all I needed to do was quick paperwork I could have done it last week. Oh well it’s all good

Nov 27, 2023 8:40:48 AM Me

I believe all mine is done W2, etc

Nov 27, 2023 8:40:59 AM +13038752587

Things may work differently out there, but wanted to give you a heads up, in case it’s the same

Nov 27, 2023 8:41:09 AM Me

I don’t have a hard toe boot/shoe so I was planning on going to Ventura early and buying a pair so I have them on my feet when I show up

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Nov 27, 2023 8:41:30 AM Me

Based on what you say, I don’t know if I need to do that so I’m unsure. However, I know I will need them so I might as well get them.

Nov 27, 2023 8:42:08 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The paperwork was one form for the union. All other stuff we did online

Nov 27, 2023 8:42:14 AM Me

I’m breaking down my campground because I have to check out this morning then running to storage to empty my car so it’s ready for packages if I need to do that

Nov 27, 2023 8:42:28 AM Me

Yeah, I don’t remember doing any union related stuff so I probably need to do it too

Nov 27, 2023 8:42:46 AM +13038752587

Cool - let me know how it goes

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Nov 27, 2023 8:44:03 AM Me

Will do. I’m on the move.

Nov 27, 2023 12:13:39 PM Me

You were right. I showed up filled out some paperwork and then was told that the supervisor will contact me to go out on the route with them .

Nov 27, 2023 12:34:28 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 - it takes a few hours for the system to process. I received a text to confirm hire date and vehicle. Waiting to here from supervisor for official start day

Nov 27, 2023 12:36:16 PM Me

Right. Are you a driver, or driver helper?

Nov 27, 2023 12:40:10 PM Me

By the way, I hustled so hard this morning to break down camp loaded all in the car drive to storage take three loads out of my car put it in storage drive to charging charge. Then realize I need to get boots so I drive to Ventura park in Charge by the mall Run in to target by some steel toe boots and taller socks. Hustle over to UPS and I have 10 minutes left. Took me three hours and 15 minutes of nonstop to get there prep to the car ready to put tons of stuff in it and ended up not doing any of it

Nov 27, 2023 12:40:32 PM Me

My morning could’ve been far more chill less stressful

Nov 27, 2023 1:13:04 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Where is the next campsite 🏕️

Nov 27, 2023 2:39:09 PM Me

What I’m trying to figure out

Nov 27, 2023 2:42:41 PM Me

Hanging out with Jenica having coffee in downtown Ventura. She lives down here. I like her, she has a great vibe and personality. Very funny, and authentic. No masks. She opened up and shared things she said she never shares with new people

Nov 27, 2023 7:17:02 PM Me

I just realized yesterday I had six beers or eight hours and today I haven’t felt super depressed. Usually I feel wicked depressed after drinking

Nov 27, 2023 7:17:39 PM Me

Staying at a new park in Ventura County, Foster Park, right at the end of the 33, almost in the middle between Ojai and Ventura. I was lucky and got what the reviewers consider the best campsite for four nights

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Nov 27, 2023 7:54:42 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Nov 27, 2023 11:25:58 PM Me

On the phone with Jenica for 2 hrs tonight. We’re both enjoying each others company. It feels good and totally natural. Not being anything but myself, no mask, no “please like me” just show up and be me. Not too hard 😊 She’s a good soul and a very caring person who is grounded and shows up for everyone around in her family. She has 2 boys, Ezra 20 and Owen 17. Going to keep connecting and see how it goes. I’m in no rush, but also want to have fun 🤩

Nov 28, 2023 9:54:19 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Got message this morning- Wednesday start day with supervisor

Nov 28, 2023 10:01:51 AM Me

I haven’t got mine yet, I didn’t reply to their text until late last night about 11. I’ll let you know when I receive mine.

Nov 28, 2023 10:02:11 AM Me

By the way, Jenica asked me out to coffee this morning and then asked me out to dinner tonight

Nov 28, 2023 10:02:21 AM Me

I think she has the hots for me

Nov 28, 2023 10:02:45 AM Me

I also informed her that I’m clueless about when women are hitting on me so if she told her if she’s trying to put the moves on, she hast to be really straightforward

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Nov 28, 2023 10:02:55 AM Me

🤣

Nov 28, 2023 1:35:40 PM Me

Still no response from UPS

Nov 28, 2023 1:44:17 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Patience- it took almost day for mine

Nov 28, 2023 1:44:39 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Did they tell you how long it would take

Nov 28, 2023 2:20:53 PM Me

No. Just said to keep a lookout

Nov 28, 2023 3:29:36 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 50 minutes) +13038752587

Does my hurt to give them a call and check in

Nov 28, 2023 3:30:09 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 49 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

* It doesn’t hurt

Nov 29, 2023 12:00:13 PM Me

How goes UPS?

Nov 29, 2023 12:01:39 PM Me

Jenica 😍 I’m VERY attracted to her. She tells me she has butterflies when with me. This is a woman in her 40s I give her butterflies 🦋 Wow 😮

Nov 29, 2023 12:04:32 PM Me

In her mind, she can’t understand why I’m single. She keeps asking me like aren’t you dating someone? No one? Really? Yes. I had to inform her that I’ve been a hermit for a long time and I’m just putting my toe into the pond. I think she feels like she’s got Willy Wonka‘s golden ticket Oh, she said to me last night I’m camping with you this weekend. And I said, oh OK ! 😍 Already have my reservations up at Dennison spot number 15, my favorite and best spot in the park with a view of the mountains and I’m tingling with fucking excitement for Friday

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Nov 29, 2023 8:08:01 PM Me

Hola 👋

Nov 29, 2023 8:08:07 PM Me

How was the day?

Nov 29, 2023 8:14:47 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

I just got home - had to run errands

Nov 29, 2023 8:14:55 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Putting girls to bed

Nov 29, 2023 8:15:01 PM Me

K

Nov 29, 2023 9:05:01 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Good first day - a bit of technical hiccups getting clocked in but it worked out.

Nov 29, 2023 9:05:10 PM +13038752587

Did you start too?

Nov 29, 2023 9:05:19 PM Me

Not yet

Nov 29, 2023 9:05:35 PM Me

This tomorrow or Friday

Nov 29, 2023 9:06:23 PM +13038752587

Did they text you back confirming your in the system

Nov 29, 2023 9:06:31 PM Me

Yep

Nov 29, 2023 9:07:25 PM Me

I’ve logged in, did tasks, and they texted, asking me if I could work Monday through Saturday, and I replied yes. Now they tell me to just sit tight and wait.

Nov 29, 2023 9:07:48 PM Me

They said I will train tomorrow or Friday

Nov 29, 2023 9:08:10 PM Me

Likely Friday because I haven’t heard anything yet and it’s 8 PM What time of day did you get notified you were training

Nov 29, 2023 9:08:32 PM Me

And now that you’ve had a day of training, do you show up tomorrow load your car and go do it yourself?

Nov 29, 2023 9:16:43 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

Nov 29, 2023 9:16:31 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

I was notified a day prior to start day

Nov 29, 2023 9:16:43 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 29, 2023 9:17:01 PM Me

How many hours?

Nov 29, 2023 9:17:12 PM +13038752587

8 hrs

Nov 29, 2023 9:17:20 PM Me

And do you just deliver one load of your car?

Nov 29, 2023 9:17:26 PM +13038752587

Per day give or take

Nov 29, 2023 9:18:21 PM +13038752587

No - you are given a route to complete. I did two loads today

Nov 29, 2023 9:18:51 PM +13038752587

Fill up car, deliver - return fill up and deliver

Nov 29, 2023 9:19:21 PM +13038752587

He said extra hours will be available if I want

Nov 29, 2023 9:19:51 PM Me

So it’s as much or little as you want

Nov 29, 2023 9:20:10 PM Me

But a minimum of a load

Nov 29, 2023 9:20:43 PM +13038752587

I think so

Nov 29, 2023 9:21:00 PM Me

Cool

Nov 29, 2023 9:21:21 PM Me

Will they let you buy one of those cool brown UPS uniforms? Just think you’d have a Halloween costume for the rest of your life

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Nov 29, 2023 9:22:00 PM +13038752587

I need to figure out picking up the girls for about a 45 min window

Nov 29, 2023 9:22:17 PM Me

Jenica and I are camping ⛺️ this weekend 😍

Nov 29, 2023 9:22:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool

Nov 29, 2023 9:22:33 PM Me

She told me last night she can’t wait to to devour me

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Nov 29, 2023 9:23:11 PM Me

She’s so effortless to be with

Nov 29, 2023 9:23:37 PM Me

No mask, no holding things back

Nov 29, 2023 9:24:00 PM Me

Open and it’s been good so far

Nov 29, 2023 9:24:36 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

That’s great to hear. It’s how all relationships should be

Nov 29, 2023 9:26:34 PM Me

Had such a great evening last night. Conversation so fluid and absorbing that I didnt notice we were the last people in the restaurant and shut it down. Being with her is effortless and relaxing. Its like being with no other person in my life so far—a unique experience. And I am happy to know that she is also present to the pace at which “this” or “we” move. We are not running off to Las Vegas to get married. That said I’ve put my dating app on pause because I want to focus on her. If I’m honest with myself I am a one-woman-at-a-time guy. I can’t be jumping back and forth, it would feel very weird to me, anyhow just sharing what’s going on.

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Nov 29, 2023 9:26:58 PM Me

And I’ve shared all of that with her as well. I am transparent with what I’m thinking and feeling, and unafraid to share—no more suppression, and deal with things rationally 😊

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Nov 29, 2023 9:27:22 PM Me

I’m being smart with my heart. ❤️

Nov 29, 2023 9:27:50 PM Me

This is not “rebounding”

Nov 29, 2023 9:29:10 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

I’m off to bed - sleep well 😴 Talk with you tomorrow

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Dec 01, 2023 9:12:08 AM Me

Howdy 👋 I start Monday morning. Camping with Jenica this weekend. Sent her pic. She has blue eyes I want to swim in 😍

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Dec 01, 2023 9:12:36 AM Me

5’5” and so cool

Dec 01, 2023 10:51:12 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Dec 02, 2023 11:05:05 AM Me

I’m having the best time with Jenica.

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Dec 02, 2023 11:40:26 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Dec 03, 2023 10:21:53 AM Me

Dude, we’re a thing.

Dec 03, 2023 10:43:51 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Wow 🤩! Must have a been a stellar weekend 💥

Dec 03, 2023 10:49:49 AM Me

Yes

Dec 03, 2023 10:54:12 AM Me

We’ve spent a lot of time talking about what each other want in a relationship, and discovering what we want, the other comes by naturally. We both don’t want to date around and want to focus on one person. So we’re both enjoying the shit out of one another and going to keep going

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Dec 03, 2023 1:31:27 PM Me

Dec 04, 2023 9:21:27 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

How was your first day

Dec 04, 2023 9:22:15 PM Me

It was good.

Dec 04, 2023 9:22:23 PM Me

Busy and tired

Dec 04, 2023 9:22:26 PM Me

You?

Dec 04, 2023 9:22:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Eating dinner after 12 hrs

Dec 04, 2023 9:23:23 PM +13038752587

It’s been busy here - imagine it is there too

Dec 04, 2023 9:24:08 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Actually I think it was a 10:45 hr day

Dec 04, 2023 9:30:23 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Just looked - 3 days last week = $1000, not bad. Anything over 8 hrs a day is OT

Dec 04, 2023 9:30:53 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Potential to make some decent money

Dec 04, 2023 9:32:11 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Load up your favorite podcast and expand your mind while you work

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Dec 04, 2023 9:40:45 PM Me

It was training today and just finishing one manifest. I was in Ventura so had to use maps to get everywhere. I was not efficient. Tomorrow I work up in OJAI and stay there doing deliveries 📦

Dec 04, 2023 9:41:10 PM Me

Haven’t had chance to do OT yet

Dec 04, 2023 9:41:20 PM Me

Imagine I will

Dec 04, 2023 9:42:13 PM Me

I’ll also get more efficient at deliveries

Dec 04, 2023 9:42:52 PM Me

Dec 04, 2023 9:42:52 PM Me

I’m in Ventura

Dec 04, 2023 9:43:47 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 26 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Are you moving there?

Dec 04, 2023 9:45:23 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 25 minutes) +13038752587

Everyday I learn more ways to improve the process.

Dec 04, 2023 9:46:41 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 23 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

I like the lighting

Dec 04, 2023 9:56:02 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 14 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Off to bed

Dec 07, 2023 10:38:51 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 2 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning ☀️

Dec 07, 2023 10:39:00 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 2 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Off to make deliveries 📦

Dec 07, 2023 10:39:10 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 1 minute, 55 seconds) +13038752587

How goes your route?

Dec 07, 2023 3:42:09 PM Me

Yesterday was good. Most organized day I had Today I’m off in Santa Barbara at Laguna Blanca for our first league game Back at deliveries tomorrow

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Dec 07, 2023 6:42:17 PM Me

Feeling depressed. Freaking me out because I’ve been having good things going on in my life lately

Dec 07, 2023 6:45:51 PM Me

I’m really drained. Deeply exhausted. I find it difficult to rally at all. The desire to deny myself things is HUGE right now As if I don’t deserve it. Stems from childhood trauma

Dec 07, 2023 6:46:55 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Stop 🛑

Dec 07, 2023 6:46:57 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 13 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Dec 07, 2023 6:47:14 PM (Read by you after 56 seconds) +13038752587

You deserve the best life has to offer

Dec 07, 2023 6:51:57 PM Me

Not now I don’t My life is too unsettled No job and no apt. Feeling burned out from car camping and feeling stuck and depressed about my life. I don’t deserve anything until my shit is handled

Dec 07, 2023 6:52:36 PM Me

I’m dissociating from people

Dec 07, 2023 6:53:43 PM Me

I’m incredibly aware of my thinking and habits of the mind.

Dec 07, 2023 6:54:19 PM Me

Yet powerless to its depressive whims

Dec 07, 2023 7:36:56 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 9 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Finishing my route - I’ll text you in about 1.5 hrs

Dec 07, 2023 7:36:58 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Dec 07, 2023 8:43:28 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 3 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Putting girls to bed 🛌 There are no pre-requisites to deserving all you want out of life. Know that there is nothing you need to do or prove to anyone. Accept all that comes to you with gratitude and enjoy it.

Dec 08, 2023 1:22:29 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 24 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 08, 2023 1:22:36 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 24 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Snowy day

Dec 08, 2023 4:46:41 PM Me

Wow

Dec 08, 2023 4:46:49 PM Me

How goes it?

Dec 08, 2023 6:31:07 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 46 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Snow cleared - last run for tonight- finish about 8

Dec 08, 2023 6:31:13 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 46 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

How about you

Dec 09, 2023 1:18:21 PM Me

I did a 5 hour day yesterday Pretty much 5 a day which is good for me

Dec 09, 2023 2:16:55 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

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Dec 09, 2023 2:59:39 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 09, 2023 3:03:14 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 09, 2023 3:55:18 PM Me

Did you get paid yesterday? I didn’t

Dec 09, 2023 3:55:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes

Dec 09, 2023 3:55:56 PM +13038752587

It’s a week delayed

Dec 09, 2023 3:56:05 PM Me

Sux. Only have $7 in bank until next Friday. This is not livable for me. Fucking sux

Dec 09, 2023 3:56:47 PM Me

Parking on the streets with $7 Am I officially homeless yet? I think so

Dec 09, 2023 3:58:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes and no

Dec 09, 2023 3:58:12 PM Me

Anyhow I’m not your problem The stress is off the charts. Boys asking to go to Starbucks tomorrow and I have to say no

Dec 09, 2023 3:58:55 PM Me

It hurts emotionally not to be able to do that for them

Dec 09, 2023 3:59:20 PM +13038752587

I feel you

Dec 09, 2023 4:00:16 PM Me

Lots of shame

Dec 09, 2023 5:11:39 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Verify your hours are correct on upsers.com

Dec 09, 2023 5:12:46 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

I just found I was not getting clocked in right on three days and clocked out wrong on one day.

Dec 09, 2023 5:13:14 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Glad I figured it out. I Will keep a log from now on.

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Dec 09, 2023 5:54:20 PM Me

Dec 09, 2023 8:55:11 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 56 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful sunset 🌅 where are you in the picture?

Dec 10, 2023 8:51:51 AM Me

Ventura, at Jenica’s house

Dec 10, 2023 10:02:00 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Very nice

Dec 10, 2023 6:21:29 PM Me

I’m really enjoying spending time with Jenica. I admire her for a wide array of reasons that include her past experiences growing up, and what she’s been through with raising her children and being the anchor for her extended family. To me she’s world-class. An amazing woman with incredible life experience and qualities that I’m looking for in someone I want to spend time with long term. And she has more than what I’m looking for that I find from her that I do want. This is an incredible experience I’m having and I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes.

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Dec 10, 2023 6:26:11 PM Me

And I find that the feelings are mutual. We’re both somewhat beside ourselves realizing what’s happening

Dec 11, 2023 11:39:34 PM Me

YouTube

Dec 12, 2023 9:38:22 AM (Read by them after 15 seconds) Me

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Dec 12, 2023 10:14:37 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Hey - how goes the delivery 📦

Dec 12, 2023 10:15:03 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

I’ve been putting in 10hrs on average

Dec 12, 2023 10:15:35 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Tired but paycheck is sweet

Dec 12, 2023 10:47:14 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

WOW

Dec 12, 2023 10:50:17 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Yesterday they didnt have a route in Ojai. Today they only had Ventura, but I have a game kicking off at 3pm. So instead today I’m spending working on my applications for the big gig, updating my website and other digital housekeeping. Tomorrow I will hopefully have a route up here. When I do have routes up here they typically start at 10:30am, I’m sorted and have first load in and driving within an hour. Trailer is delivered with things largely tossed in the trailer randomly and there are always two routes in the Ojai trailer.

Dec 12, 2023 10:52:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Start at 10:30am and go until about 2:30—3:30 depending upon number of stops and boxes. So roughly 5-6 hours a day for me. So ~ 120 – 145 a day.

Dec 12, 2023 10:52:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You’re doing double of what I am.

Dec 12, 2023 10:54:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I were to drive in Ventura I could probably get that kind of volume. Ojai doesn’t have it right now. HOWEVER, I expect the next 12 days to get larger every day. We’re about to hit the homestretch.

Dec 12, 2023 10:56:26 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Also, personal note: meds make half-masts. Talked to med doc at 4:30am PST and tweaked current slate—PLUS picking up Cialis script today and headed to Jenica’s tonight 🥳🎉

Dec 12, 2023 11:00:40 AM Me

Also 👀

Dec 12, 2023 11:00:40 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.frontitude.com/

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Dec 12, 2023 1:01:52 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Packed like a Tetris pro 😎

Dec 12, 2023 1:33:43 PM Me

How many of those do you do? A day?

Dec 12, 2023 2:26:43 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

3-4

Dec 13, 2023 9:52:48 AM Me

I have a route today. This is where Jenica’s place is in relation to the ocean

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Dec 13, 2023 9:52:52 AM Me

1594 Vista Del Mar Dr · Building

Dec 13, 2023 10:41:27 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 25 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Me too - 112 stops

Dec 13, 2023 10:41:43 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 24 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

204 packages

Dec 13, 2023 7:07:05 PM Me

52 stops today

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Dec 13, 2023 7:09:28 PM Me

| Next two days nights are a bit harsh. No money, negative bank account balance and pbjs That’s all I got until I get paid Friday. Sleeping in car on streets 35° when I wake up Is this rock bottom? Or do I need more suffering?
Edited 25 seconds later | Next two days nights are a bit harsh. No money, negative bank account balance and pbjs That’s all I got until I get paid Friday. Sleeping in car on streets 35° when I wake up Is this rock bottom?

Dec 13, 2023 7:11:00 PM Me

Dec 13, 2023 7:11:03 PM Me

What life has felt like since I heard the word divorce and lost my job

Dec 13, 2023 7:11:17 PM Me

Groundless

Dec 13, 2023 7:14:35 PM Me

Borrowed $300 from my dad last Friday to get me to this Friday and Capital One took $123 today and made it negative 😡🤬😡😤🤬😖

Dec 13, 2023 8:54:22 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Keep on pushing through. Just got home. Putting girls to bed

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Dec 13, 2023 9:44:14 PM Me

On my way to the parking spot

Dec 14, 2023 12:31:34 PM Me

First load 33 stops 40 plus pkgs

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Dec 14, 2023 12:36:49 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 8 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Are you writing the address on them?

Dec 14, 2023 3:45:08 PM Me

Yes

Dec 14, 2023 3:45:18 PM Me

Makes finding them easy

Dec 14, 2023 3:45:24 PM Me

Two corners

Dec 14, 2023 4:49:36 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Dec 15, 2023 10:45:17 AM Me

How goes it?

Dec 15, 2023 11:25:00 AM Me

Dec 15, 2023 11:32:58 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Good - just finishing reorganization of route

Dec 15, 2023 12:11:23 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Is that your ride for the day 😁

Dec 15, 2023 12:41:04 PM Me

The trailer is what they deliver to us and it has our boxes in it

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Dec 15, 2023 12:41:26 PM Me

Dec 16, 2023 8:52:25 AM Me

Happy Saturday You working today? They have a route for me so I am going to work today

Dec 16, 2023 9:08:48 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 16, 2023 9:08:48 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Dec 16, 2023 9:09:26 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes) +13038752587

Dec 16, 2023 9:33:39 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Small day

Dec 16, 2023 9:34:00 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

How about you?

Dec 16, 2023 11:07:47 AM Me

Yes, start at 11

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Dec 16, 2023 11:51:12 AM Me

Dec 16, 2023 11:51:12 AM Me

Have lots to share on personal life front. Getting a latte right now before I head to the trailer and pack up my car

Dec 16, 2023 11:51:34 AM Me

I’ll text/talk it after my shift

Dec 16, 2023 11:54:12 AM Me

Things are going well, better than I thought or expected them to be. Generating internal happiness. It feels different than before because it’s not rooted outside me It makes happiness feel even better

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Dec 18, 2023 9:23:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Good days bring pleasure, bad days bring experience. Both are important. Enjoy the good days, appreciate the bad ones, and keep the courage it takes to live fully.

Dec 18, 2023 9:37:07 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Read something else this morning that was good

Dec 18, 2023 9:37:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

To be human is to suffer from a peculiar congenital blindness: On the precipice of any great change, we can see with terrifying clarity the familiar firm footing we stand to lose, but we fill the abyss of the unfamiliar before us with dread at the potential loss rather than jubilation over the potential gain of gladnesses and gratifications we fail to envision because we haven’t yet experienced them. When faced with the most transformative experiences, we are ill-equipped to even begin to imagine the nature and magnitude of the transformation — but we must again and again challenge ourselves to transcend this elemental failure of the imagination if we are to reap the rewards of any transformative experience.

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Dec 18, 2023 6:14:28 PM Me

https://insig.ht/Ldr8P6g0DFb

Dec 19, 2023 9:48:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey Yo. How are you doing? You still working the 10+ hour days?

Dec 19, 2023 9:48:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did 6 yesterday and was spent. 60 stops.

Dec 19, 2023 9:51:55 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m feeling deep fatigue like I’ve never experienced before. Believe it’s a combination of working, sleeping in my car (not ideal), and having a new girlfriend — plus still working on the job hunt every day. Have a few leads on LI I need to follow up on.

Dec 19, 2023 9:54:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“It's okay to be selfish in your spiritual journey. But we must remember our goal is to be kind as we become self-less.”

Dec 19, 2023 9:54:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Morning Coffee with Bhante Sujatha

Dec 19, 2023 10:32:14 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

GrowEasy: Kickstart a lead generation campaign on Facebook and Instagram in less than 5 minutes using AI.

Dec 19, 2023 10:32:27 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

GrowEasy

Dec 21, 2023 9:16:55 AM Me

Good morning Got paid and car pmt hit. I have $65 left to live off of for a week. Good times 👍😁

Dec 21, 2023 10:04:11 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Pay day tomorrow

Dec 21, 2023 10:28:53 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 19 seconds) +13038752587

?

Dec 21, 2023 10:30:35 AM Me

I get paid on Wednesdays at midnight. 2 weeks in a row

Dec 21, 2023 10:31:03 AM Me

Even still I’m living on a wire

Dec 21, 2023 11:22:34 AM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you, you’re not alone - living in a wire too.

Dec 21, 2023 11:22:54 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Although it feels good to have cash coming in 😀

Dec 21, 2023 12:06:49 PM Me

I’m living in my car

Dec 21, 2023 12:10:31 PM Me

Which is better than not having one. It still sucks. I feel I’m being cast off by the corporate working world / economy now. First Elizabeth casts me off Now the economy is saying fuck off… Years of accumulated rejection Feeling done with life again

Dec 21, 2023 12:11:21 PM Me

Feeling I need to disappear 🫥

Dec 21, 2023 12:12:17 PM Me

The weird thing is it feels like if I were to even get a new job once I did I’d want a fucking vacation right from the start just so I could fucking unstressed my mind and body from years of chronic chronic stress

Dec 21, 2023 3:06:48 PM Me

Adobe just took $60

Dec 21, 2023 3:07:21 PM Me

Have $7 to live on for a week. I have half a loaf of bread half a bottle of jelly, half a bottle of peanut butter and half a bottle of water. That’s all I got.

Dec 21, 2023 3:08:04 PM Me

Knowing my luck by the time I’m done working some motherfucking company is going to come in and take what I owe them and I’ll be negative till next week so you know it’s like you work and it’s for fucking nothing

Dec 21, 2023 3:08:50 PM Me

It’s been raining here really hard all day. I’m soaking fucking wet. I have half more route to do and I have no place warm and dry to hang out. I fucking hate this life.

Dec 21, 2023 5:33:38 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 11 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Shit 💩

Dec 21, 2023 5:35:06 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 10 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Suggestions Find a cheap rec center to take a hot shower and relax a bit Turn off all automatic payments

Dec 22, 2023 9:54:08 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hi, I was really upset with everything yesterday. I could feel the end of it all, and it was very unsettling ( to say the least ) I’ve awakened to the fact that I’m invisible to the world — as if I don’t exist. “better to be seen than heard” ( thanks great grandpa, you fuck! ) I’ve known no other way of being, than being small. How do you become something, shift to something, that you’ve not every experienced and goes against one of the root tenets of your being???? To me this is a FUCKING HUGE thing. I never speak up even when I know people are headed off the cliff sometimes. Because its not my place, I’m a PITA, I’m just there to make more work for people, etc. Anyhow I will find myself alone on Christmas morning. No presents, no decorations, no anything. I reflected on this year versus last year when living in the house, my stocking was completely empty on Christmas morning. I got zero gifts from my family — that fucking hurt ALOT at the time, but I’ve been able to meditate on it and let that go — the hurt created from the decision to do that intentionally to me was profound. I had grown up with the threat of coal in my stocking from my father, and I thought he would do it many years, but he NEVER did. To me it speaks to a particular individuals cold and callous heart. I had experienced that coldness for a long time, but that experience was next level.

Dec 22, 2023 9:56:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I find myself very fucking angry this time of year and I think it may stick and be my new version of the holiday spirit. “Humbug! And fuck off!” — Gen X

Dec 22, 2023 9:57:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m feeling the desire to go fuck something up. me, something else, a person, a place, a thing….

Dec 22, 2023 9:57:38 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

My heart is not in a good place right now.

Dec 22, 2023 9:59:16 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hi Bert, Hope you had a great week! We appreciate your interest in our Director of User Experience role! Unfortunately, we had other candidates that were a bit further along in the interview process so the team has decided to go with one of those candidates. --- Yeah I was having a GREAT FUCKING week until I got your REJECTION EMAIL! Fuck… They’re is zero fucking awareness out there…

Dec 22, 2023 9:59:46 AM Me

The cognitive dissonance is stunning.

Dec 22, 2023 10:03:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just replied to their email with this…

Dec 22, 2023 10:03:38 AM Me

Hi Melissa, Not to be an ass (but maybe it will come across that way) Your email.... "Hope you had a great week! We appreciate your interest in our Director of User Experience role! Unfortunately, we had other candidates that were a bit further along in the interview process so the team has decided to go with one of those candidates." I would remove the "hope you had a great week!" as the next paragraph would take the week down a notch IMO and show BIGTIME cognitive dissonance. For those looking for over six months, with 200+ applications this one sentence smacks of cluelessness. In any event, just sharing constructive criticism. I hope you all are happy with your selection and best of luck. I hope you have a nice holiday with family and friends. - Bert

Dec 22, 2023 10:19:21 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Sending you ❤️

Dec 22, 2023 10:24:57 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Thx

Dec 22, 2023 10:25:35 AM Me

So much coming at my mind these days. I’ve been keeping depression at bay. I can feel its hand on my shoulder.

Dec 22, 2023 11:05:08 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Duck 🦆 and weave 😀

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Dec 22, 2023 11:05:51 AM +13038752587

Off on first run of a short day

Dec 22, 2023 11:06:12 AM Me

Cool How many stops

Dec 22, 2023 11:06:43 AM Me

I’m seeing the sun for the first time in three days

Dec 22, 2023 11:06:48 AM +13038752587

Spoke a bit prematurely- 101

Dec 22, 2023 11:06:57 AM Me

I think I will be gladly not soaked today

Dec 22, 2023 11:07:01 AM +13038752587

122 yesterday

Dec 22, 2023 11:07:14 AM Me

Fuck, that’s a lot of stops. I usually get about 60, and it takes me about four hours.

Dec 22, 2023 11:07:38 AM Me

Do you have a lot of space between your stops?

Dec 22, 2023 7:17:13 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

About 1/2 are a good distance apart

Dec 22, 2023 11:08:00 AM Me

Part of my run is in a close neighborhood, and the other part is on top of the hill where many of the houses are far apart

Dec 22, 2023 11:20:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Nothing like finding your portfolio website in maintenance mode when I thought it was otherwise.

Dec 22, 2023 4:31:16 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Can you follow this link and verify me?

Dec 22, 2023 4:31:18 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

ZipRecruiter

Dec 22, 2023 7:17:13 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

About 1/2 are a good distance apart
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 22, 2023 7:37:32 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/bertmahoney_seven-months-and-counting-230-applications-activity-7144153436383551488-MAzh

Dec 22, 2023 7:37:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I posted something on LinkedIn

Dec 22, 2023 7:49:13 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Officially at 250 applications

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Dec 22, 2023 9:14:17 PM Me

U still working?

Dec 22, 2023 10:10:44 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Finsished at 7:30 tonight - 10 hour day

Dec 22, 2023 10:16:26 PM Me

Wow

Dec 22, 2023 10:19:03 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

No work tomorrow

Dec 22, 2023 10:19:32 PM ⇲ Me

Wow

Dec 22, 2023 10:19:30 PM +13038752587

Are you working tomorrow?

Dec 22, 2023 10:20:03 PM ⇲ Me

We are available, and we will hear from UPS in the morning if there is a route for us, otherwise, I think we’re done

Dec 22, 2023 10:19:32 PM ⇱ Me

Wow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 22, 2023 10:20:03 PM ⇱ Me

We are available, and we will hear from UPS in the morning if there is a route for us, otherwise, I think we’re done
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 22, 2023 10:20:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The week was slower than I thought it would be.

Dec 22, 2023 10:20:14 PM Me

Same

Dec 22, 2023 10:20:24 PM Me

I was expecting double the boxes I had

Dec 22, 2023 10:20:37 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

They are bringing us in next Tuesday, expecting a busy day

Dec 22, 2023 10:21:11 PM Me

That’s for all the shit that didn’t make it before Christmas

Dec 22, 2023 10:22:08 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep

Dec 22, 2023 10:22:28 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

When do you go to the beach 🏝️ camping

Dec 22, 2023 10:22:39 PM Me

Sunday

Dec 22, 2023 10:22:47 PM Me

Leave Tue am

Dec 22, 2023 11:44:39 PM Me

Join me and thousands of others at this free Live Event happening soon on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content

Dec 22, 2023 11:44:42 PM Me

https://insig.ht/e/8F13Cju1KFb

Dec 25, 2023 9:03:19 AM Me

Merry Christmas 🎄

Dec 25, 2023 2:15:11 PM Me

Dec 25, 2023 2:20:40 PM Me

Dec 25, 2023 2:21:54 PM Me

Dec 25, 2023 2:22:43 PM Me

Very much so

Dec 25, 2023 2:23:37 PM Me

Dec 25, 2023 2:24:52 PM Me

Dec 25, 2023 2:25:14 PM Me

WORD On that last one

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Dec 25, 2023 4:55:12 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Merry Christmas 🎁

Dec 25, 2023 5:45:29 PM Me

I’m on laptop, not phone.

Dec 25, 2023 5:45:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Yo!

Dec 25, 2023 6:27:40 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Hoho.

Dec 25, 2023 6:40:33 PM Me

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Dec 26, 2023 12:39:00 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Happy Boxing Day!

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Dec 26, 2023 4:12:11 PM +13038752587

You working today

Dec 26, 2023 4:14:02 PM ⇲ Me

You working?

Dec 26, 2023 4:12:14 PM Me

No

Dec 26, 2023 4:12:23 PM Me

I think they’re done with us

Dec 26, 2023 4:13:45 PM Me

Just brainstorming ideas for making money. CCs maxed 💳 $1 left ( literally ) in my wallet. And I’ve tapped out my parents.

Dec 26, 2023 4:14:02 PM ⇱ Me

You working?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 26, 2023 4:14:47 PM Me

Just looked and got this 7 mins ago

Dec 26, 2023 4:29:47 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Just wrapping up my day. May help out if needed. Some regular drivers were sick 😷 today. Think today may be last day for us

Dec 26, 2023 6:56:52 PM Me

Hey you might want a listen.

Dec 26, 2023 6:56:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-find-job-using-ai-andrew-seaman-38fdf

Dec 26, 2023 6:58:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I also bought this book on a recommendation from a colleague. You join groups to help support each other.

Dec 26, 2023 6:58:06 PM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

https://www.phyl.org/

Dec 26, 2023 6:58:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve already signed up and waiting for things to start.

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Dec 27, 2023 1:22:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. How goes it? You still working?

Dec 27, 2023 2:18:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 25 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No - they didn’t release us but no work today. We head to see Sarah’s family tomorrow

Dec 27, 2023 2:18:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

So probably yesterday was my last day

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Dec 27, 2023 1:23:50 PM Me

I’m scrambling to figure out where to focus my time and energy to find the next source of income. I’m not good at this skill—the finding things part—I struggle mainly because I struggle to maintain long term relationships with people. I’ve worked for 30 years but have little to no network of colleagues.

Dec 27, 2023 2:22:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Make a list of all the folks you have worked with, and then see if they are on social media. Then send a re-connecting message - mention something that is happening in their live. There is a framework I’ll find it and send to you

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Dec 27, 2023 1:24:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I have a few things I’m focused on. 1. Job Hunt 2. The Chief Shirt and Sticker project

Dec 27, 2023 1:34:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

3. Bert Sherts — t-shirts with odd sayings on them 4. BertyBirds — AI generative bird illustrations that

Dec 27, 2023 1:34:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Are used on wrapping paper, etc.

Dec 27, 2023 2:18:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 25 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No - they didn’t release us but no work today. We head to see Sarah’s family tomorrow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 27, 2023 2:18:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

So probably yesterday was my last day

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Dec 27, 2023 2:22:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Make a list of all the folks you have worked with, and then see if they are on social media. Then send a re-connecting message - mention something that is happening in their live. There is a framework I’ll find it and send to you

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 27, 2023 3:25:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Working on edits to my LinkedIn Profile. I’m noticing people looking at it that I dont know.

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Dec 27, 2023 3:29:51 PM Me

Im stressed as all fuck

Dec 27, 2023 3:31:57 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Money stress sucks

Dec 27, 2023 4:17:47 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It does- straight to the gut

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Dec 27, 2023 3:53:32 PM Me

Getting nausea from the stress

Dec 27, 2023 4:07:22 PM Me

Why is money so hard to find

Dec 27, 2023 4:18:45 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It isn’t. It’s the story we are telling us that makes it appear that way. Look around and you will see money is everywhere.

Dec 27, 2023 4:07:50 PM Me

Like enough to cover basic expenses

Dec 27, 2023 4:08:24 PM Me

Feeling deeply shit today Feel worthless Feel unwanted

Dec 27, 2023 4:11:37 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

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Cold crisp day

Dec 27, 2023 4:17:47 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It does- straight to the gut

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 27, 2023 4:18:45 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It isn’t. It’s the story we are telling us that makes it appear that way. Look around and you will see money is everywhere.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 27, 2023 4:20:59 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

I have felt the feeling of nausea over money. Feel it then release it.

Dec 27, 2023 4:21:28 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

What is the basic amount you want to make right now?

Dec 27, 2023 4:46:48 PM Me

2.5 or 3 k a month

Dec 27, 2023 5:45:35 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

I have time to talk - driving to Carbondale. You available?

Dec 27, 2023 6:01:52 PM Me

Call u in a few Mins

Dec 28, 2023 9:48:08 AM Me

I’m not ok

Dec 28, 2023 9:50:28 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

What’s up

Dec 28, 2023 9:54:09 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

I just tried to call

Dec 28, 2023 9:54:29 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Call me back

Dec 28, 2023 10:22:24 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Call someone please. You are loved.

Dec 28, 2023 11:46:52 AM Me

I just got paid from UPS, and then fucking Wells Fargo takes $105 from me leaving me with 75 bucks to live on fucking fuck

Dec 28, 2023 4:28:25 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Call the bank and ask them to reverse the charges?

Dec 28, 2023 4:29:28 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

A question- do you need whatever those recurring charges are for?

Dec 28, 2023 5:57:04 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

one of them no

Dec 28, 2023 8:06:10 PM Me

Hey there, I just got off the phone with Wells Fargo and was able to get all 105 bucks back. So right now I’m on my way to the ATM to get my money out in hard cash so no other fucking bills can come in and siphon things off.

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Dec 28, 2023 8:07:33 PM Me

Also, there was a company called coalition technologies based in Los Angeles that had an advertisement for web designers needed. I replied to their ad, sent my résumé, they sent me a exam to take today. So I did the Photoshop test and then recorded a three minute video, answering some questions I had. it would be an interim gig looking for the big one, but it would be Webb design at least, it wouldn’t be at my high rate rather more like 35 bucks an hour

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Dec 29, 2023 2:01:56 PM Me

Hi

Dec 29, 2023 2:04:22 PM Me

Living on the streets next few days. Feeling ashamed, and a failure again. Sucks to cry yourself to sleep in that situation.

Dec 29, 2023 2:09:16 PM Me

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to not feel shame sleeping on the streets

Dec 29, 2023 2:30:10 PM ⇲ +13038752587

That judgement is based in the past. The future will have a different perspective. Feel it completely then be done with it. Then take the best next step

Dec 29, 2023 2:24:04 PM Me

Working on website and LinkedIn profile

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Dec 29, 2023 2:30:10 PM ⇱ +13038752587

That judgement is based in the past. The future will have a different perspective. Feel it completely then be done with it. Then take the best next step
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2023 2:37:01 PM Me

Thx for that

Dec 29, 2023 3:36:48 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 42 seconds) Me

Hey, have you ever tried this website? You have to pay $29 a month for access to opportunities, but is it worth it?

Dec 29, 2023 3:36:51 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 39 seconds) Me

https://www.hustlewing.com/

Dec 29, 2023 3:59:59 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Dec 29, 2023 4:01:49 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Have not heard about it? So what am I paying for

Dec 29, 2023 4:02:13 PM Me

It’s a scam

Dec 29, 2023 4:02:23 PM Me

Did some digging

Dec 29, 2023 4:02:30 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

This is a text to remind you .. that you're in control of making 2024 an incredible year .. and of course there will be issues but how you put them in perspective will dictate the outcome ❣️❣️❣️❣️

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Dec 29, 2023 4:02:40 PM +13038752587

Gary Vee text today

Dec 29, 2023 4:03:30 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/ericsnowden_for-almost-a-decade-when-non-tech-people-activity-7146348654105165824-XWQ7

Dec 29, 2023 4:03:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m commenting on UX stuff in LI

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Dec 29, 2023 4:03:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

AI suggested it as a way to show you’re engaged/plugged in.

Dec 29, 2023 4:05:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, applied to this app last night. Might be the best gig I’ve seen for me. Perfect Match. HQ is in Santa Barbara. I actually interviewed with them 9-10 years ago for a design position.

Dec 29, 2023 4:05:34 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

LogicMonitor

Dec 29, 2023 4:09:48 PM +13038752587

Cool

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Dec 29, 2023 4:10:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its my top pick of anything I’ve seen since the start of searching

Dec 29, 2023 4:10:43 PM Me

And its a senior position

Dec 30, 2023 12:14:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

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Dec 30, 2023 1:11:21 PM Me

https://malekzadeh.net/doon/jaw/

Dec 30, 2023 1:56:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

That second link is a GPT that does a lot more than what yours does. Just found it and worth a look

Dec 30, 2023 1:57:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, I lit my Upwork account again. I have 5 proposals submitted—3 of which could lead to FT offers if the fit is good.

Dec 30, 2023 2:37:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“ Translating Vision into Reality: Crafting User-Centric Software Across Industries " The tagline the Merlin job helper created for me based on a bunch of info I supplied. It really sums it up for me in one sentence

Dec 30, 2023 2:37:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just used it for a role and it’s great.

Dec 30, 2023 2:37:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Highly suggest it

Dec 31, 2023 9:51:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good Morning

Dec 31, 2023 9:51:58 AM Me

Happy Last Day of the year

Dec 31, 2023 9:52:09 AM Me

Ponder this…

Dec 31, 2023 9:52:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

"Meaning is not something you stumble across, like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you, out of your own talent and understanding, out of the things you believe in, out of the things and people you love, out of the values for which you are willing to sacrifice something. The ingredients are there. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. If it does, then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account."

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Dec 31, 2023 10:46:05 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 25 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 🌞

Dec 31, 2023 7:11:35 PM Me

Dec 31, 2023 7:12:24 PM Me

Dec 31, 2023 7:14:34 PM Me

Dec 31, 2023 7:19:17 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 33 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Hum

Dec 31, 2023 9:52:39 PM Me

What say you?

Dec 31, 2023 9:52:44 PM Me

YouTube

Dec 31, 2023 10:19:21 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Happy New Year 🎊

Jan 01, 2024 11:29:43 AM (Read by them after 1 hour, 44 minutes, 53 seconds) Me

Holy Shit - Its 2024!

Jan 01, 2024 11:30:02 AM (Read by them after 1 hour, 44 minutes, 34 seconds) Me

Saw this.

Jan 01, 2024 11:30:07 AM (Read by them after 1 hour, 44 minutes, 29 seconds) Me

Jobot

Jan 01, 2024 3:40:53 PM Me

Jan 01, 2024 4:19:17 PM (Read by you after 20 hours, 2 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, I concur

Jan 02, 2024 12:32:57 PM (Read by them after 23 minutes, 28 seconds) Me

Hey there

Jan 02, 2024 12:33:11 PM (Read by them after 23 minutes, 18 seconds) Me

Curious what’s going on in your world professionally these days?

Jan 02, 2024 12:33:17 PM (Read by them after 23 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

Any big plans for new year?

Jan 02, 2024 12:34:04 PM (Read by them after 22 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

I’m adjusting color scheme and typographical heirachy on my website. Doing some studies in Figma first to see what it would look like then implementing.

Jan 02, 2024 12:47:11 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

https://bit.ly/48yjSAQ

Jan 02, 2024 12:47:11 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

Good article

Jan 02, 2024 1:19:59 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Hey - first day getting things done New brakes on car - manufactures warranty 😀 Getting insurance reinstated Once I’m home - tomorrow is go time on income generation

Jan 02, 2024 1:31:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool. May send links your way to check out

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Jan 03, 2024 11:38:09 AM Me

The IDLES

Jan 03, 2024 11:38:12 AM Me

Spotify

Jan 03, 2024 11:48:45 AM Me

Spotify

Jan 03, 2024 12:03:19 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Home with sick kids today

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Jan 03, 2024 12:03:59 PM +13038752587

Did you make it into Ventura employment center?

Jan 03, 2024 12:05:02 PM +13038752587

Any oppty on Upwork?

Jan 03, 2024 12:07:05 PM Me

Didn’t get to Ventura employment Ctr

Jan 03, 2024 12:07:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Have 5 proposals out. One was looked at. No other action on that front.

Jan 03, 2024 12:07:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sux that no one EVER fucking replies to me.

Jan 03, 2024 12:08:12 PM Me

Worse than job hunting

Jan 03, 2024 12:21:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

“Struggling with our memories is like fighting a shadow. We can try with all our might, but we can never win.”

Jan 03, 2024 12:29:44 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Upwork is not rejection as much as it is timing

Jan 03, 2024 12:30:09 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I have had many people respond quickly and others a week later

Jan 03, 2024 12:31:19 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Catch the person at the right time. I also suggest asking to getting on a call to learn more about the project in my proposal

Jan 03, 2024 1:03:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good idea

Jan 03, 2024 1:03:57 PM Me

Just made a good connect with a recruiter on a long term contract role.

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Jan 03, 2024 2:12:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve been working on my site. My HTML Page Titling was a f*cking mess. Used AI to help me reformat and make collective sense of every page on my site.

Jan 03, 2024 2:12:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.notion.so/Update-Meta-Data-on-pages-29c12ea46672446a8376c79cb83c631c?pvs=4

Jan 03, 2024 2:12:22 PM Me

Shared a link to a notion page where I made tables to work with the data, etc.

Jan 03, 2024 2:12:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You need to get on Notion. It has AI inside 😊

Jan 03, 2024 2:14:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ps. Things have been going really well with Jenica. However, I need to get an independent stationary floor underneath me stat. Or as the brits say, FLAT

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Jan 03, 2024 5:29:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

5.5 hours doing updates on my own website. Streamlined a few things. Portfolio tweaks coming next

Jan 03, 2024 5:29:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney — Award-Winning Designer, Human-Centered, Accessibility & Inclusivity Focused

Jan 03, 2024 6:18:54 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - I’ll check it out

Jan 03, 2024 6:56:17 PM Me

Today

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Jan 04, 2024 11:21:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Is today income generation day?

Jan 04, 2024 11:57:54 AM Me

Instagram

Jan 04, 2024 12:00:09 PM Me

Instagram

Jan 04, 2024 7:27:20 PM +13038752587

Sick day - me and the girls - fever 🤒

Jan 04, 2024 9:43:30 PM Me

I’d rather be sick than depressed. and rather be sick than homeless and without a job. Another month or so none of it’s gonna matter anyway cause if shit doesn’t fall into place for me I’m done I can’t keep living my life like this. It is one of two things I either just fuck working and become permanently homeless, or check the fuck out. I’ve got about three or four weeks and then that’s the end

Jan 04, 2024 9:44:52 PM Me

Laying in the back of my car crying myself to sleep parked out on the street somewhere. This is not my fucking life. At least not for too much longer

Jan 04, 2024 9:45:29 PM Me

There are days and times where I can’t keep my shit together if I lose it because of the stress right now is one of those times

Jan 04, 2024 9:55:45 PM Me

I can actually say with a fair degree of certainty that nobody fucking understands. How many other people do you know that had their wife fucking kick them out of their marriage then kick them out of the house and make them homeless after they knew that I lost my job. It’s just like extra fucking cruel. so Unless you’re separated, unemployed and homeless you really don’t have a fucking clue what it feels like

Jan 05, 2024 8:25:44 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Many a wife has kicked out their husband. With less notice and with more cruelty. You can find others out there who have been where you are at.

Jan 04, 2024 9:56:20 PM Me

All I wanna know is, who did I fuck over to deserve this?

Jan 05, 2024 8:26:22 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Yourself

Jan 05, 2024 8:25:44 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Many a wife has kicked out their husband. With less notice and with more cruelty. You can find others out there who have been where you are at.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 05, 2024 8:26:22 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Yourself
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 05, 2024 8:33:08 AM +13038752587

Sending this with love ❤️

Jan 05, 2024 8:39:46 AM +13038752587

You are the only person who can change your life. Stop drinking Stop greenery Both are contributing to your depression. Go get a job, any job right now. (Job center). This will give you a foundation.

Jan 05, 2024 8:47:35 AM Me

Hey

Jan 05, 2024 8:48:11 AM Me

Thx

Jan 05, 2024 8:48:12 AM +13038752587

You are stuck in victimhood and it’s a bad neighborhood. Time to move into accountabilityville where the grass is always green because YOU installed a sprinkler system 😀. Just found this: “Take responsibility for your life The opposite of victimhood is accountability. While your circumstances may not be your fault, they are your responsibility. That doesn't mean that you caused it. It just means that you have the ability to respond to your circumstances and change the outcome” I know much of this you know but you are not living it. It’s time for a mindset shift. The depth of the darkness you have gone to is a reflection of the light that is possible. (Actually, the light is exponentially brighter then the darkness)

Jan 05, 2024 8:51:00 AM Me

The mind will not shift until my outer world does. I’ve shifted my mind dozens of times since this all started. The world has to meet me where I’m at, otherwise I’ll checkout. I’m done.

Jan 05, 2024 8:51:47 AM Me

I’ve taken a figurative cock up the ass for years now. I’m done

Jan 05, 2024 8:52:12 AM Me

Something has shifted My attitude

Jan 05, 2024 8:54:00 AM Me

40 degrees outside the car this morning

Jan 05, 2024 8:55:15 AM +13038752587

Your world is a reflection of you. Stop punishing yourself. Forgive yourself and all others. Your mind controls the outer world. So get your ass to the Ventura employment services TODAY! Mindset + Action ( hitting singles) will get the ball moving.

Jan 05, 2024 9:01:04 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

In the face a fear (shame, blame, etc), in the chorus of depression, I WILL TAKE ACTION to create the life I want.

Jan 05, 2024 9:29:05 AM +13038752587

A thought 💭 You have been swinging for a home run 🏃 and part of that is striking out a lot. Let’s get you on 1st base - step by step you score a run!

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Jan 05, 2024 10:35:50 AM Me

I hear you

Jan 05, 2024 10:36:05 AM Me

My frustration builds and they pops

Jan 05, 2024 10:36:10 AM Me

Then pops

Jan 05, 2024 10:36:26 AM Me

Last night and this morning are the pop

Jan 05, 2024 10:37:15 AM Me

Have an interview with recruiter at 11am pst today and more work on my site. New case study is in the works

Jan 05, 2024 10:37:33 AM Me

Did all other changes past 2 days

Jan 05, 2024 11:50:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have my recruiter meeting in 10 mins.

Jan 05, 2024 11:51:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Another recruiter from Florida reached out to me about a position. Following up with her as well.

Jan 05, 2024 11:53:57 AM Me

BTW, making some more updates to my materials today. I have a new case study I am working on (Hatch) and doing a re-write of my LinkedIn Profile

Jan 05, 2024 12:16:52 PM Me

Well that was a big nothing burger

Jan 05, 2024 12:17:03 PM Me

Sat in the meeting space for 15 mins and she never showed up.

Jan 05, 2024 12:17:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Is that the universe telling me to fuck off?

Jan 05, 2024 12:17:44 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 28 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Stop reading negatively into everything

Jan 05, 2024 12:17:52 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 28 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

You are your universe

Jan 05, 2024 12:18:43 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 27 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Did you reach out via email or phone to the recruiter? Maybe something came up in their world

Jan 05, 2024 12:21:08 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 25 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - two home run swings. Now go hit a single and go to Ventura Employment center

Jan 05, 2024 12:21:13 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 24 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Today

Jan 05, 2024 12:31:53 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 14 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

YouTube

Jan 06, 2024 11:08:57 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 58 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Go here now and tune in

Jan 06, 2024 11:09:01 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 58 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

There's only 24 hours left to get a seat with me for tomorrow's strategy session. If you want to discover the habits & patterns to ignite your entrepreneurial spirit & create predictable success in 2024... Then hurry & RSVP now -> slktxt.io/ZfHq - Dean

Jan 06, 2024 11:09:12 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 58 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

It’s happening now

Jan 06, 2024 2:07:53 PM Me

Just woke up

Jan 06, 2024 2:16:29 PM Me

Slept in for first time in forever

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Jan 09, 2024 9:21:25 AM Me

Hi 👋 How are things?

Jan 09, 2024 9:22:08 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Hey 👋

Jan 09, 2024 9:22:55 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

On my way to do some work getting the hotel ready to open. Night shifts won’t start until then

Jan 09, 2024 9:23:09 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

How about you?

Jan 09, 2024 9:23:23 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Looks like good steps yesterday

Jan 09, 2024 10:35:04 AM Me

Yes and first day back to soccer 🥅 training too. Have some follow ups today, and more work on my website. Making portfolio experience consistent for each case study, and complete new case study for Hatch. 🐣 Also applying to many opportunities I saw on CalJobs. Then off to coaching at 3

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Jan 09, 2024 11:21:51 AM Me

If I send you links to my site, can you look at them on mobile and let me know what you think?

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Jan 09, 2024 11:49:02 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

CareerBuilder

Jan 09, 2024 11:55:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

saw that looking today

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Jan 09, 2024 5:51:20 PM Me

Jan 09, 2024 7:12:56 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

True

Jan 10, 2024 4:18:35 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Good day Quick question

Jan 10, 2024 4:19:03 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Have you worked with Google domains

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Jan 10, 2024 4:19:57 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

If so, I want to only forward the website to hosting, not email. I do that with the A record right?

Jan 10, 2024 4:29:36 PM Me

Yes

Jan 10, 2024 4:31:21 PM Me

And good day to you. I watched my mind create new stories from hearing something and then trigger an emotional response with fear 😰 If not conscious and aware that would have autopiloted me.

Jan 10, 2024 4:31:57 PM Me

Incredible to think how much of my life was determined, based on my emotional reaction to triggers, and the subsequent decision-making from that.

Jan 10, 2024 4:32:11 PM Me

This happened in a conversation with Jenica earlier today.

Jan 10, 2024 4:33:38 PM Me

She’s processing some heavy duty stuff at the moment, because she is at the early stages of transitioning her life from Ventura to the northwest. Anyhow, my point being, I see today as a big inflection point in my level of awareness around the current moment and not falling into auto pilot

Jan 10, 2024 4:34:18 PM Me

You catch it at the trigger and suddenly you’re not making up stories and living by them anymore

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Jan 10, 2024 7:55:42 PM Me

What’s your take on manifestation?

Jan 10, 2024 8:21:44 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Ultimately we manifest everything in our lives.

Jan 10, 2024 8:22:18 PM Me

Can one impart will on it? Bend it?

Jan 10, 2024 8:22:35 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

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Jan 10, 2024 8:22:58 PM Me

There’s a lot of BS out there and it’s hard to tell the BS from the real stuff that you should listen to

Jan 10, 2024 8:23:11 PM Me

For example, if you search on YouTube, you can get thousands of videos that are shit

Jan 10, 2024 8:33:09 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Mindvalley

Jan 10, 2024 8:33:21 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

The sylvan approach

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Jan 10, 2024 8:34:53 PM +13038752587

Silva

Jan 10, 2024 8:34:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Whoops

Jan 10, 2024 8:35:21 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Mindvalley

Jan 10, 2024 8:37:00 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Look up Jose Silva

Jan 10, 2024 8:39:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Will do. Thanks!!

Jan 10, 2024 8:40:06 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Audible.com

Jan 11, 2024 9:39:13 AM Me

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Word

Jan 11, 2024 9:48:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m living that

Jan 12, 2024 7:50:44 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Good Morning

Jan 12, 2024 7:50:48 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Jobot

Jan 12, 2024 7:51:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Jobot

Jan 12, 2024 8:27:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Spot on :

Jan 12, 2024 8:27:37 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://jakobnielsenphd.substack.com/p/3-ages-authorship

Jan 12, 2024 9:13:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Haven’t tried this, but here we go….

Jan 12, 2024 9:13:38 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://kombai.com/

Jan 12, 2024 12:50:19 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 40 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Interesting - let me know how it well you like it

Jan 13, 2024 5:24:57 PM Me

I’m in Palm Springs for the weekend with Jenica. Having a wonderfully relaxing time together. I really enjoy her company. She’s expressed having feelings for me because I’m the type of guy she’s always wanted but could never find. She’s happy, I’m happy. Right now that’s all that matters

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Loved by +13038752587

Jan 13, 2024 5:31:31 PM Me

Jan 14, 2024 8:45:13 PM Me

Yo!

Jan 14, 2024 8:45:19 PM Me

No replies

Jan 14, 2024 8:45:22 PM Me

U ok?

Jan 15, 2024 7:54:59 AM Me

Hola?

Jan 15, 2024 7:55:36 AM Me

Have a draft text to Send Liz’s way Could you read it? — I’m sorry I never texted or called you to see how were doing when I left for Colorado and New York. My silence, I mistakenly thought, was giving you time and space away from me. It was not meant to be hurtful or show I didn’t care. Quite the opposite. I was honoring your wishes and giving you what you wanted. I cared so much I would have done anything. I never ever stopped loving you or caring about you. I thought for a very long time that you didn’t care about me. The way I was consistently ignored and ghosted. You filled your days so there was nothing left to give. You had no curiosity about what was going on with me. Actually you did, but didn’t ask me. When I found that out I was gutted and hurt to my core. I know you expressed the desire to be civil and respectful going forward. I’m fine with that, but until you can look me in the eye and acknowledge I exist, it’s a pipe dream.

Jan 15, 2024 7:56:50 AM Me

I’m going thru some shit right now

Jan 15, 2024 7:59:58 AM +13038752587

Good morning I must have been picking up your vibes. I just thought to check my phone as we have not texted in a few days. Let me sit with what you wrote. What’s shit are you going through right now?

Jan 15, 2024 8:01:07 AM Me

mental stuff I’m tired of this Tired of life

Jan 15, 2024 8:01:30 AM +13038752587

Re read what you sent me on Saturday

Jan 15, 2024 8:28:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Living in a momentary space — reality slapped me in the face waking up in my car, 35º outside, feet cold, at 5:03. I

Jan 15, 2024 8:28:51 AM ⇲ Me

I’m having a hard time getting myself out of liminal space and liminal thinking

Jan 15, 2024 8:15:05 AM +13038752587

By the way - I somehow missed your messages over the weekend until today.

Jan 15, 2024 8:28:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Living in a momentary space — reality slapped me in the face waking up in my car, 35º outside, feet cold, at 5:03. I
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 15, 2024 8:28:51 AM ⇱ Me

I’m having a hard time getting myself out of liminal space and liminal thinking
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 15, 2024 9:07:20 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

From an outside perspective it is puzzling too. You seem to want to suffer on some level. As there is a path to a warmer environment.

Jan 15, 2024 11:01:32 AM Me

Spotify

Jan 15, 2024 12:21:35 PM Me

Updated home page content:

Jan 15, 2024 12:21:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney — Award-Winning Designer, Human-Centered, Accessibility & Inclusivity Focused

Jan 15, 2024 12:48:28 PM Me

Jan 15, 2024 1:37:57 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

FYI - home page on mobile

Jan 15, 2024 1:38:03 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Reactions:

Emphasized by Me

Jan 15, 2024 7:56:25 PM Me

I’m on it

Jan 15, 2024 7:56:48 PM Me

Using Starbucks WiFi from parking lot

Jan 15, 2024 9:21:10 PM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/B0B3L2T9W5?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow

Jan 15, 2024 9:21:10 PM Me

Such a great book

Jan 16, 2024 8:57:25 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Any feedback on the Liz text draft?

Jan 16, 2024 9:04:37 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 17 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Can you send talk?

Jan 16, 2024 9:05:00 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Easier for me to relay edits / thoughts 💭

Jan 16, 2024 9:12:12 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 9 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

I figured out a way to edit

Jan 16, 2024 9:16:06 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 5 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Have a draft text to Send Liz’s way Could you read it? — I’m sorry I never texted or called you to see how were doing when I left for Colorado and New York. My silence, I mistakenly thought, was giving you time and space away from me. It was not meant to be hurtful or show I didn’t care. Quite the opposite. I was honoring your wishes and giving you what I thought you wanted. I cared(care) so much I would have done anything. I never ever stopped loving you or caring about you. I thought for a very long time that you didn’t care about me. The way I (felt) was consistently ignored and ghosted. You filled your days so there was nothing left to give. You had no curiosity about what was going on with me. Actually you did, but didn’t ask me. When I found that out I was gutted and hurt to my core. I know you expressed the desire to be civil and respectful going forward. (I would very much desire that too. I feel for that to happen, I need to know you can look me in the eyes and acknowledge me on a consistent basis) Please let me know your thoughts and feelings.

Jan 16, 2024 10:23:05 AM Me

This is good

Jan 16, 2024 10:23:07 AM Me

Thx

Jan 16, 2024 10:23:17 AM Me

Still working on my site

Jan 16, 2024 10:23:28 AM Me

Some weird stuff going on

Jan 16, 2024 10:24:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll ping you to take a look on mobile when I think it handled.

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Jan 16, 2024 12:23:45 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Find time to listen to this today!

Jan 16, 2024 12:23:51 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

https://konect.to/edmylett?utm_source=community.com&utm_medium=sms&utm_campaign=548de98b-2406-45a7-9136-e00af3210c51&cmty_campaign=548de98b-2406-45a7-9136-e00af3210c51

Jan 16, 2024 12:24:08 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Tony Robbins interview

Jan 16, 2024 12:49:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok. Have a soccer game. Will likely listen after the game.

Jan 16, 2024 12:49:28 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney — Award-Winning Software Designer, Human-Centered, Accessibility Focused

Jan 16, 2024 12:49:28 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Have a look

Jan 17, 2024 9:26:33 AM Me

Spotify

Jan 17, 2024 9:31:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

GREAT article:

Jan 17, 2024 9:31:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/caseymoeckel_jobseeker-barbiemovie-jobhunt-activity-7153134583025164288-fEaA

Jan 17, 2024 9:31:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“It is literally impossible to be a job seeker.” It resonates with SO MANY people. You’ll find yourself in there.

Jan 17, 2024 9:31:59 AM Me

BTW, Good Morning.

Jan 17, 2024 9:32:08 AM Me

We should build a product.

Jan 17, 2024 9:32:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😊

Jan 17, 2024 9:35:32 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning

Jan 17, 2024 9:35:40 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll give it a read

Jan 17, 2024 9:45:45 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Great article

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Jan 19, 2024 3:55:21 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

Jan 19, 2024 4:38:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hola

Jan 19, 2024 4:39:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have something I want to share with you that I started. You can decide if you want to do it. I found it interesting after someone recommended it to me. Yesterday I had my first JSC ( job search council ) meeting with 4 other people across the country doing the same thing as me. The concept is “Never Search Alone”

Jan 19, 2024 4:40:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.phyl.org/

Jan 19, 2024 6:26:48 PM Me

https://www.challenge.gov/

Jan 19, 2024 6:26:48 PM Me

Hey, want to take a stab at this with me?

Jan 19, 2024 9:41:07 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, could be fun 🤩

Jan 20, 2024 3:10:00 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

In the next 5 minutes .. just decide whatever is bothering you .. isn't as big as it seems ... please follow me .... take a deep deep breathe ... now out loud say ... please out loud ... say " I can handle this shit" ... now smile .. yes actually smile ... now text me back or tweet me how you actually feel 🩵

Jan 20, 2024 3:10:07 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Gary Vee

Jan 21, 2024 5:42:23 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 34 seconds) Me

Jan 21, 2024 6:12:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How goes your weekend?

Jan 21, 2024 6:12:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How are things?

Jan 21, 2024 6:13:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

What are you up to these days?

Jan 21, 2024 7:28:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ground control to Major Tom

Jan 21, 2024 7:30:46 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 2 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Jan 21, 2024 7:31:02 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 2 minutes) +13038752587

Just heading home after seeing some friends

Jan 21, 2024 9:33:10 PM Me

Cool

Jan 21, 2024 9:33:53 PM Me

Found 2 Ventura County tech jobs that fit. I’ve applied to one and tomorrow the other

Reactions:

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Jan 21, 2024 9:59:32 PM Me

William Meller

Jan 21, 2024 10:00:39 PM Me

Inc.com

Jan 22, 2024 9:09:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here is one I’m applying for. Who knew that the county calls what I do “Customer Relationship Manager”

Jan 22, 2024 9:09:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.governmentjobs.com/careers/ventura/jobs/4311594/customer-relationship-manager/apply?pagetype%3DjobOpportunitiesJobs&source=gmail&ust=1706026046366000&usg=AOvVaw1mprjUnn_00a_TCwu6KhtP

Jan 22, 2024 9:39:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Rain Wilson just walked into/out of Starbucks here in Ojai. Gave me a nod.

Jan 22, 2024 9:41:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dwight!!

Jan 22, 2024 9:41:31 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Jan 22, 2024 9:53:45 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This is a MUST READ. I’m going to play off this on the homepage of my website.

Jan 22, 2024 9:53:46 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/grant-smith-3aa0544_nfts-crypto-ar-activity-7153873306931085313-4Gua

Jan 22, 2024 11:55:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Karel Vredenburg

Jan 22, 2024 12:52:01 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Jan 22, 2024 3:49:48 PM Me

I want to be gone from Earth 🌍 I hate everything right

Jan 22, 2024 3:49:51 PM Me

Now

Jan 22, 2024 3:50:07 PM Me

So sick of my existence

Jan 22, 2024 3:51:23 PM Me

Feeling like I might hurt myself

Jan 22, 2024 3:53:24 PM Me

I’m so fed up with my life right now

Jan 22, 2024 3:55:32 PM Me

All I know is if I was dead five minutes ago, I would be OK with that

Jan 22, 2024 3:58:16 PM Me

Feel like writing a blog post about how I tried for months and months to get a gig with more experience than 2 people put together yet constantly got the message that I’m a fucking loser and time to check the fuck out

Jan 22, 2024 4:37:05 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Your value is intrinsic, not extrinsic!

Jan 22, 2024 3:58:32 PM Me

So fucking fed up

Jan 22, 2024 3:59:47 PM Me

Listen I m sorry to drop this I don’t have the money for therapy despite having health insurance

Jan 22, 2024 4:01:13 PM Me

I need help from a professional but can’t afford one. That’s fucked yo. So you can rack up lack of access as a cause of people fucking themselves

Jan 22, 2024 4:12:05 PM +13038752587

Find a therapist that accepts your insurance and then tell me how much the copay is?

Jan 22, 2024 4:13:38 PM +13038752587

Also, a question, have you applied for hourly work anywhere? I know it is not the ideal but it does put cash in your pocket

Jan 22, 2024 4:37:05 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Your value is intrinsic, not extrinsic!
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 4:45:22 PM Me

Just done with this. Why life fucked me over SO HARD is beyond me but I’m done with it

Jan 22, 2024 4:45:34 PM Me

Can’t do this anymore

Jan 22, 2024 4:50:25 PM Me

Only thing left to lose is my life

Jan 22, 2024 4:52:20 PM ⇲ +13038752587

This is a false truth

Jan 22, 2024 4:50:58 PM Me

Anyhow…

Jan 22, 2024 4:51:08 PM +13038752587

By the last statement, do you mean it’s time to let go of trying to do it all by yourself, to let go off false pride, to let go of the conditioned life and…

Jan 22, 2024 4:51:52 PM Me

Jan 22, 2024 4:52:20 PM ⇱ +13038752587

This is a false truth
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 4:52:39 PM +13038752587

You favorite gif 😀

Jan 22, 2024 4:53:50 PM Me

I would have saved months of suffering if I had checked out last summer By now everyone would have moved on and healed and I would be a memory

Jan 22, 2024 4:54:17 PM +13038752587

Another lie your telling yourself

Jan 22, 2024 4:54:23 PM Me

Why the fuck do I wanna stay around to live a life that is shit?

Jan 22, 2024 4:54:35 PM Me

That’s not a lie

Jan 22, 2024 4:55:11 PM Me

Every day I wake up and I’m wearing a fucking mask that pretends that everything is all fucking OK and it ain’t. I’m done.

Jan 22, 2024 4:56:15 PM Me

I’m done faking it until I make it. I’m just tired of this. I am tired of this I am tired of this existence

Jan 22, 2024 4:56:35 PM +13038752587

True - why are you continuing to live a life that is shit? It’s not you who has to stop 🛑 It’s this experience of life that has to stop. You are attached to the what is, possibly because of fear of what can be

Jan 22, 2024 4:57:24 PM Me

I am absolutely not afraid of fucking moving forward. That’s all I wanna do is get the fuck out of this thing. Why the fuck do I want to stay here. That just makes me wanna fucking check out even harder.

Jan 22, 2024 4:58:30 PM Me

Hey there I’ll be ok I’m just so fucking angry

Jan 22, 2024 4:58:35 PM +13038752587

So, what’s stopping you from moving forward?

Jan 22, 2024 4:58:54 PM ⇲ Me

A job that pays me what I’m worth

Jan 22, 2024 4:59:13 PM ⇲ Me

Not Walmart or some other stop gap

Jan 22, 2024 4:58:54 PM ⇱ Me

A job that pays me what I’m worth
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 4:59:13 PM ⇱ Me

Not Walmart or some other stop gap
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 4:59:31 PM +13038752587

I understand , now use that anger to propel your self, not punish yourself or blame

Jan 22, 2024 5:00:07 PM ⇲ Me

Done that a few times. Always end up back here no matter what

Jan 22, 2024 4:59:39 PM Me

I’m just fed the fuck up

Jan 22, 2024 4:59:53 PM +13038752587

Ah - pride is in the way

Jan 22, 2024 5:00:07 PM ⇱ Me

Done that a few times. Always end up back here no matter what
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 5:00:25 PM +13038752587

If Walmart gets you a place to stay, food on the table then it’s a good first step

Jan 22, 2024 5:00:31 PM Me

It sucks to have to piss in Nalgene bottles

Jan 22, 2024 5:00:40 PM Me

Cause you don’t have a bathroom

Jan 22, 2024 5:00:52 PM +13038752587

Better than your pants 😁

Jan 22, 2024 5:00:59 PM Me

It sucks to sleep with your knees bend every night because you don’t have a space big enough to put your legs out straight

Jan 22, 2024 5:02:40 PM Me

I know you’re trying to be positive and optimistic. But the thing is nobody understands where I’m at. Nobody knows how fucking hard it is to deal with three of these things simultaneously Divorce, unemployment, homelessness Seriously what the fuck did I do?

Jan 22, 2024 5:04:00 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Lots of people do, not me personally, but you are not the first and unfortunately the last person to deal with this situation

Jan 22, 2024 5:06:29 PM ⇲ +13038752587

You stopped believing in your potential and started listening to lies about yourself. Believe it or not, I think many people are on the ledge of slipping deep into the lies and never returning. Shit, many are already the walking dead. But not you, you are aware, you are waging war, keep going… you will win

Jan 22, 2024 5:02:57 PM +13038752587

I bet! Interesting that you seem to be willing to do that instead of swallowing the false pride you have been conditioned to believe.

Jan 22, 2024 5:04:00 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Lots of people do, not me personally, but you are not the first and unfortunately the last person to deal with this situation
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 5:04:22 PM Me

K done with my pity party

Jan 22, 2024 5:06:29 PM ⇱ +13038752587

You stopped believing in your potential and started listening to lies about yourself. Believe it or not, I think many people are on the ledge of slipping deep into the lies and never returning. Shit, many are already the walking dead. But not you, you are aware, you are waging war, keep going… you will win
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 5:07:54 PM Me

Nothing has changed in over a year, nothing will change

Jan 22, 2024 5:08:43 PM Me

Ease clear to me nobody sees any value in me otherwise I’d have more opportunities than I know what to do with. So, I guess that’s what happens in life at some point you’re just done and nobody gives a shit anymore.

Jan 22, 2024 5:10:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

No one ever really did - they are all dealing with there own shit

Jan 22, 2024 5:10:49 PM ⇲ +13038752587

It’s up to you to care about you

Jan 22, 2024 5:09:43 PM Me

I wish it was just as easy as flipping the switch, or being positive, keeping a positive mindset, meditating the fuck out of my brain, it’s none of that it’s just core basic fucking shit that for whatever reason is never gonna resolve itself while I’m alive

Jan 22, 2024 5:09:47 PM +13038752587

A few suggestions Go in person to job center Get any paying work (this will give you money, time space and purpose) Find a professional therapist There are resources available

Jan 22, 2024 5:10:00 PM Me

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there’s just some shit that’s broken and can never be fixed inside of me. I’m just fucked.

Jan 22, 2024 5:10:26 PM Me

I feel too fucking tired to care to even try to go do all that shit you just listed

Jan 22, 2024 5:13:09 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I don’t believe it ( it’s an excuse) I think there are lies at play … Shame, Fear, Pride, all conditioned

Jan 22, 2024 5:10:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

No one ever really did - they are all dealing with there own shit
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 5:10:49 PM ⇱ +13038752587

It’s up to you to care about you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 5:12:50 PM Me

Maybe my life is supposed to suck ass hard for the rest of my time, who knows

Jan 22, 2024 5:13:09 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I don’t believe it ( it’s an excuse) I think there are lies at play … Shame, Fear, Pride, all conditioned
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 22, 2024 5:13:15 PM Me

All I know is that I can’t do this much longer

Jan 22, 2024 5:13:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It’s all up to you. You can change things. One step at a time

Jan 22, 2024 5:14:20 PM Me

I’m just simply tired Tired of doing Tired of trying Tired of holding out hope

Jan 22, 2024 5:14:49 PM Me

Tired of the rejection Tired of being fucked over

Jan 22, 2024 5:15:28 PM Me

It’s not like I won’t wake up and go to fucking work and work hard. I will but no opportunity exists out there for me at least that I can find with what I do. So yeah there it is.

Jan 22, 2024 5:15:34 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok - I hear you. Change the game. The traditional path is not working. Find another path

Jan 22, 2024 5:16:49 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

You are stuck in only seeing one way out.

Jan 22, 2024 5:17:34 PM Me

Working and being compensated fairly for first time in my life?

Jan 22, 2024 5:17:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Take care of your basic needs first then continue the search for where your talents/skills can serve you

Jan 22, 2024 5:18:15 PM Me

Been doing that and not paying bills

Jan 22, 2024 5:18:28 PM Me

Down to my last $2k

Jan 22, 2024 5:18:52 PM Me

After that I’m a dead man walking

Jan 22, 2024 5:19:45 PM Me

Ok, you can stop Sorry to bug u and drop this pile of shit in your lap

Jan 22, 2024 5:21:58 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Why are you refusing to go get paying work? Why are you refusing to use the resources available to you? These are questions to ask yourself. No one owes you anything, it’s up to you to go get it. And, there are tools, resources and help along the way. They are waiting for you to use them.

Jan 22, 2024 5:23:55 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Hope my listening helps Hope my kick in the ass questions help. You can do it. I love you

Reactions:

Loved by Me

Jan 22, 2024 6:17:43 PM Me

I imploded like an arctic sinkhole today.

Jan 22, 2024 6:18:16 PM Me

Sorry for mentally 🤮 on you

Jan 22, 2024 6:18:51 PM Me

I’m channeling some of that energy into a piece of art I’ve been working on in Photoshop and on some writing I’m doing that I might publish on Medium and or LinkedIn

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Jan 23, 2024 12:49:14 PM Me

Failure is the information you need to get where you’re going

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Jan 23, 2024 6:48:49 PM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/B071HY6C79?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow

Jan 23, 2024 6:48:49 PM Me

This only 47 mins but SO GOOD!!!

Jan 23, 2024 9:03:08 PM Me

YouTube

Reactions:

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Jan 24, 2024 10:13:06 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Great cover

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Jan 24, 2024 10:14:02 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

I signed you up for Tony Robbins free event starting tomorrow- it’s virtual 😁 Good Morning

Jan 24, 2024 10:19:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. Working on my Job Search Council work, doing some tweaks to my website, and have a date later tonight in Ventura with Jenica.

Jan 24, 2024 10:19:49 AM Me

Apologies for the other day. That was a RARE meltdown — the enormity of it all crashed in on my head.

Jan 24, 2024 10:20:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Every once in a while I fall completely off my rocker. I guess its expected considering how much uncertainty and ambiguity I live with

Jan 24, 2024 10:22:03 AM Me

Saw the doc this morning. Getting varicose veins dealt with. They hurt a lot now. Also getting new imaging done on my low back. I think it’s time to visit Dr. Dorsi again and think about another surgery.

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Jan 24, 2024 12:53:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have applications in at Target, TraderJoes, and Walmart.

Reactions:

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Jan 24, 2024 2:02:04 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

The discouragement this week is BIG

Jan 24, 2024 2:02:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just really really BIT

Jan 24, 2024 2:02:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BIG

Jan 24, 2024 2:13:56 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Keep taking action - big action

Jan 24, 2024 2:14:21 PM Me

Tomorrow I plan on going to the county offices

Reactions:

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Jan 24, 2024 2:15:52 PM Me

I’ll be down in Ventura tomorrow morning and have my job search council meeting and then we’ll go over to the county and see what I can find. Right now I’m just looking for part-time something 20 bucks an hour 20 hours a week or 30 just something so I don’t end up broke, and can at least pay for my car and insurance. I took your advice and haven’t paid a few credit cards in a while now. They are hounding me, but I don’t have any fucking money to give them. I don’t care about my credit score, when I do get employment and can apply for an apartment. I will tell the landlord or whomever that I was unemployed for a year and burned through all my money. I am hopeful someone will understand.

Jan 24, 2024 8:02:28 PM Me

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Jan 25, 2024 11:33:53 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Good morning. Just done with Job Search Council meeting. I really like the people in my group.

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Jan 25, 2024 11:34:09 AM Me

On my way to Ojai. Have an away soccer game today that I’m driving to.

Jan 25, 2024 11:34:23 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 50 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 25, 2024 11:34:43 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 50 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Folding sheets

Jan 25, 2024 12:45:07 PM Me

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Wow. Heavy and profound for me

Jan 26, 2024 9:51:38 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Jan 26, 2024 9:52:04 AM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Did you watch the time to rise replay?

Jan 26, 2024 9:52:45 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

It is powerful and I strongly think it will resonate with you

Jan 26, 2024 10:22:34 AM Me

Hola, not in its entirety. Had a soccer game yesterday and my job search council. Today I’m moving toolboxes to help Jenica with her airstream renovation then off to soccer

Jan 26, 2024 10:22:50 AM Me

Not sure I'll see it today

Jan 26, 2024 10:22:58 AM Me

I saw parts of it live

Jan 28, 2024 3:26:47 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Hey there. How is Sunday

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Jan 28, 2024 3:32:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Why You Should Hire a UX/UI Wizard Like Me: The Bert Mahoney Edition Old School Cool: I'm a font of ideas, not just experienced. After all, I've been in the game since dial-up internet was a thing. Remember that sound? Yeah, that was me starting up my career. Tech Savvy… Sort of: I've seen technology evolve from floppy disks to cloud computing. I understand all the newfangled tech lingo, and I've always designed a user interface like a boss. Battle-Tested: I've survived Y2K, the dot-com bubble, and every Windows update known to humanity. If that's not resilience, I don't understand what is. No Nonsense: I'm immune to office drama. I've outlasted enough corporate fads to know that the only 'Agile' I care about is avoiding meetings that could've been emails. Efficiency Guru: I work fast, mainly because I remember when we had to walk over to someone's desk to talk to them. Terrifying, I know. Value for Money: I won't leave for a tiny pay raise, mostly because I need to remember my LinkedIn password, and updating my resume sounds like a lot of work. Eternal Optimist: I'm old enough to be realistic about project outcomes but still young at heart to get overly excited about font choices. Jack of All Trades: I don't charge extra for my decades of experience. You get all my skills - from arguing about the best wireframe tool to nostalgically reminiscing about the days of coding in HTML4 and the browser wars. Tech Trend Skeptic: I've lived through enough 'next big things' to know that not every shiny new tech is the future. Except AI – that stuff is like digital magic. Wisdom Dispenser: I know what works and what doesn't, and I'm not shy to tell you – just as soon as I finish yelling at the cloud services to work correctly. #DigitalWizardry #VintageTech #UXChampion

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Jan 28, 2024 7:22:38 PM Me

I'll share when it's setup on my website

Jan 28, 2024 7:23:01 PM Me

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Sunset tonight

Jan 28, 2024 7:23:17 PM Me

Island in bkgd

Jan 29, 2024 7:54:54 AM Me

Happy Monday 🤣🤣🤣

Jan 29, 2024 12:50:12 PM Me

How r u? Haven’t heard details lately

Jan 29, 2024 12:50:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Home with Lilly

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Jan 29, 2024 12:53:44 PM Me

Interested in joining a JSC? Very interesting process that is helping me distill my value, my focus and how to find a match in the market. Just had our 3rd meeting today

Jan 29, 2024 12:55:12 PM Me

So instead of scattershot, or buckshot, I can fire a laser at opportunities

Jan 29, 2024 12:55:27 PM Me

Way less wasted energy

Jan 29, 2024 12:55:44 PM Me

K going to meditate.

Jan 29, 2024 12:56:51 PM Me

Jan 30, 2024 10:27:57 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

In a free market for attention, someone is always racing to the bottom.

Jan 30, 2024 10:28:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Jan 30, 2024 10:29:13 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

True

Jan 30, 2024 10:38:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://agentherbie.com/

Jan 30, 2024 2:21:30 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Did you try it

Jan 30, 2024 2:21:52 PM Me

No , saw link in newsletter

Feb 01, 2024 9:37:43 AM Me

Hi 👋

Feb 01, 2024 9:38:07 AM Me

How r u doing? What is latest update with you

Feb 01, 2024 9:38:12 AM Me

Job etc

Feb 01, 2024 9:57:42 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Feb 01, 2024 9:57:48 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Good

Feb 01, 2024 9:58:09 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll text more in a bit jumping on networking call

Feb 01, 2024 10:00:19 AM Me

K jumping on my job search Council meeting right now for an hour and a half

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Feb 01, 2024 1:42:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.logoai.com/

Feb 01, 2024 1:43:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Logomaker by Designs.ai

Feb 01, 2024 1:51:09 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Neither one is super exciting- quick go through and they are the same results as pre ai logo makers

Feb 01, 2024 1:53:02 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Have a thought on how this good be done better with AI - call me

Feb 04, 2024 3:02:11 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 12 minutes, 49 seconds) Me

Howdy, didnt see your “call me” until now.

Feb 04, 2024 3:02:28 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 12 minutes, 32 seconds) Me

Working on an issue with my personal website. Text is missing on mobile. Totally weird.

Feb 04, 2024 3:03:04 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 11 minutes, 56 seconds) Me

Anyhow, that’s what I’m on cause that’s no bueno. Let me know what your’e up to. Sitting at Jenica’s watching the rain come down.

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Feb 04, 2024 8:21:03 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 38 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Chat with you tomorrow

Feb 04, 2024 9:59:25 PM Me

Ok

Feb 04, 2024 10:01:50 PM Me

Having a bad spell at the moment. I don’t think life is going to work out. Based on experience and how life is going. Not much left after soccer

Feb 05, 2024 9:28:04 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 🌞

Feb 05, 2024 9:28:09 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Checking in

Feb 05, 2024 9:30:58 AM Me

Hey there, I’m just getting online. Discovered yesterday that my website was broken on mobile for an unknown amount of time. It’s a bit, but it’s fixed now there’s nothing I can do about the fact someone may have seen my broken site and decided not to contact me.

Feb 05, 2024 9:31:06 AM Me

So a let it go moment

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Feb 05, 2024 9:31:56 AM Me

I do have some good news, a aviation guy from Santa Barbara reached out about an app idea he has. He scheduled a meeting with me for this Wednesday.

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Feb 05, 2024 9:32:36 AM Me

He’s a former marine and been in the aviation industry for 30 years. Am not sure what his idea is, but I’m certainly willing to have a meeting and talk about it.

Feb 05, 2024 9:33:10 AM Me

Also, I have been working on my art a little bit. I will send you some of the graphics and such.

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Feb 05, 2024 9:33:45 AM Me

I could trouble you to go to my website and just click on every link and scroll to the bottom. Let me know if there’s any margins or spacing out of whack. Getting the margins in spacing right on all viewport is a game of whack-a-mole

Feb 05, 2024 10:42:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What’s up with you? Still working at hotel?

Feb 05, 2024 10:43:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You might be sleeping now. Not sure what your schedule is. LMK

Feb 05, 2024 12:19:45 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Minimum hrs until they get opened in the next few weeks

Feb 05, 2024 12:45:46 PM Me

Oh

Feb 05, 2024 12:45:58 PM Me

Are you doing anything to fill the gaps?

Feb 05, 2024 2:07:08 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Looking

Feb 05, 2024 5:03:48 PM Me

Feeling like a loser big time past couple days

Feb 05, 2024 5:03:54 PM Me

Hard to shake

Feb 05, 2024 5:05:24 PM Me

Depressed

Feb 05, 2024 5:31:34 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

Change your state, then get in motion and repeat some affirmations

Feb 05, 2024 5:31:59 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Are you staying at your GFs

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Feb 05, 2024 5:33:58 PM Me

Being with her proves to me that happiness is on me I’m still feeling the need to people please and sometimes I’m afraid of saying things

Feb 05, 2024 5:34:20 PM Me

Feeling small, insignificant and worthlessness’s

Feb 05, 2024 5:36:47 PM Me

Can’t get unemployment because I’m 1099 despite paying into the system for a couple decades. Rejections over and over, feeling like Everything is going against me for a long time now

Feb 05, 2024 7:00:28 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Not being able to get unemployment because of how the system is designed is not rejection.

Feb 05, 2024 7:03:38 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

What other programs are available in California? SNAP?

Feb 05, 2024 7:04:40 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Look up General Assistance or General Relief - see if you qualify? It’s not much but it will help

Feb 05, 2024 7:05:13 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Check out Calworks too

Feb 05, 2024 7:06:36 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Found this Cds.ca.gov

Feb 05, 2024 7:29:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Something I realized. I am going thru an adjustment in my meds too so things are a bit up/down

Feb 05, 2024 7:58:07 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Good observation

Feb 05, 2024 8:11:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was feeling VERY disconnected from the boys today while at practice. It was very triggering

Feb 06, 2024 9:44:15 AM Me

Good morning

Feb 06, 2024 9:45:57 AM Me

Wondering how to get a therapist when I can’t afford one My shit is too heavy for a normal person to hear and respond to, and I know it Sucks when you need help and can’t get it

Feb 06, 2024 9:54:49 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Have you checked out any online apps- AI solutions etc

Feb 06, 2024 10:09:03 AM ⇲ Me

No have just gotten up and already fallen into mental hole. 🕳️ I’m getting online shortly and will look

Feb 06, 2024 10:09:10 AM ⇲ Me

Feeling overwhelmed

Feb 06, 2024 9:57:48 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 06, 2024 9:58:21 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

That is the number for mental health resources in Cali

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Feb 06, 2024 9:59:32 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Call them and let me know what they said.

Feb 06, 2024 10:09:03 AM ⇱ Me

No have just gotten up and already fallen into mental hole. 🕳️ I’m getting online shortly and will look
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 06, 2024 10:09:10 AM ⇱ Me

Feeling overwhelmed
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 06, 2024 10:11:35 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Suggestion- Don’t get online first call the Ventura number. Get in conversation with a person. And do it NOW🧐

Feb 06, 2024 10:15:14 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Text me back with what they say - I’ll expect an message within the hour

Feb 06, 2024 4:25:11 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 20 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Update?

Feb 07, 2024 9:49:33 AM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

Hola, Been taking care of Jenica, she has covid really bad. Day 3 now. I’m negative. I made good progress on job search front yesterday—connected to new recruiter. Got an hour of meditation in. Have an initial client consultation today with a man named Greg Ballou—former marine who’s been in aviation 30 years. Has an app idea and wants to talk with me about it. I’m excited because if this goes well and he has funding$$$ I can do all his UX/UI work and I could subcontract it to someone—I was actually thinking of taking it to A+L if it has enough scale. How are you?

Feb 07, 2024 9:50:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oh, and I have signed up for Benefits with California. A few more things to upload today and then I wait for an interview with a case worker.

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Feb 07, 2024 9:50:40 AM Me

Never EVER thought I would apply for govt assistance. But its why its there and we pay for it.

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Feb 07, 2024 9:52:04 AM Me

There is a certain / specific type of HUMILITY one feels when you’ve lived a life where you were able to take care of all your needs - and then something, or SOMEONE, fucks you over in life and you find yourself dangling on a thread…

Feb 07, 2024 9:59:57 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

I hope she feels better soon. Subcontract parts you can’t do is a good idea. However, you can take on the project as GM and the client only engages with you. This way you control the project. Get quotes and add 20% to the ones you accept. This approach is less cumbersome for all parties involved Good luck and let me know how it goes

Feb 07, 2024 10:03:11 AM Me

Also going to reach out to my last therapist. The woman who was working with me and Liz. I liked her demeanor and will see if shell work with me until I can pay her.

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Feb 07, 2024 10:48:40 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

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Feb 07, 2024 11:25:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ugh, I tested positive for Covid. I can feel it, but its not nearly as intense as it is for Jenica.

Feb 07, 2024 11:28:49 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Bummer -

Feb 07, 2024 4:20:03 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Be sure to pad your bid for unseeable budget 😀

Feb 07, 2024 4:20:59 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Suggestion - run the general idea through gpt to get an outline

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Feb 07, 2024 4:29:06 PM Me

I’ll share what I’ve done thus far

Feb 07, 2024 4:29:16 PM Me

Give me a few, changing locations

Feb 07, 2024 4:54:51 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

So I took info that the client gave me before the meeting. I asked AI to identify important questions to ask in discovery based on the outline of what is to be built. It returned ones I would ask, but then gave me some I didnt think of that were important for one reason or the other—tech, compliance, functionality, etc. So I asked some of those questions in our meeting and got the answers I was after. It was a 30 min meeting. I’m now writing up the scope of an MVP document detailing what needs to exist for it to function at its most basic level.

Feb 07, 2024 4:55:47 PM Me

I’m using a GPT called UX Builder that is a great tool. It’s going to help me bang out the outline and write ups rather quickly.

Feb 07, 2024 4:56:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have it draft and I Grammarly edit. Then send 😊

Feb 07, 2024 4:56:12 PM Me

Cuts HOURS off the process—Amen

Feb 07, 2024 5:12:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wow. I just spent 15mins with UX Builder and its helped me write the entire outline for this web-based app idea. Its raised issued I didn’t know I didn’t know (priceless) and I should have it edited soon. I’ll share it with you so you can scan over it and see.

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Feb 07, 2024 6:49:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just finished the draft. I have you setup in comment mode. Take a look and Let me know what you think.

Feb 07, 2024 6:49:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1Y4W5Ae1Qg8Rzvz-BvreXRG6ipdjHop24AJQvmmKybEY%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&followup=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1Y4W5Ae1Qg8Rzvz-BvreXRG6ipdjHop24AJQvmmKybEY%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&ifkv=ASKXGp3qi-sIrNR5Vw9BIMgwd7VzA05Z8G6WCSyD9bdji4ULxSm09kulu25llweyuSHaD3Bp9lbaLw<mpl=docs&osid=1&passive=1209600&service=wise&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S1258667560%3A1707356997703484

Feb 07, 2024 7:41:05 PM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it after girls are asleep

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Feb 07, 2024 8:34:53 PM Me

Thanks!

Feb 07, 2024 9:06:03 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Looks good - one question , marketing is not usually part of a build? Surprised to see it in the proposal. Have you estimated timeline and cost?

Feb 07, 2024 9:09:51 PM ⇲ Me

Have not established timeline and cost yet. I want to confirm MVP definition first before estimating

Feb 07, 2024 9:10:26 PM ⇲ Me

I could pull marketing, the AI put that in there

Feb 07, 2024 9:08:23 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

Depending on budget you may be able to do it all yourself if you use one of the PWA platforms. And you have an excellent AI assistant

Feb 07, 2024 9:10:58 PM ⇲ Me

Good point didn’t think of PWA platforms

Feb 07, 2024 9:09:51 PM ⇱ Me

Have not established timeline and cost yet. I want to confirm MVP definition first before estimating
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 07, 2024 9:10:26 PM ⇱ Me

I could pull marketing, the AI put that in there
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 07, 2024 9:10:58 PM ⇱ Me

Good point didn’t think of PWA platforms
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Feb 08, 2024 9:24:28 AM Me

Hola, good morning

Feb 08, 2024 9:24:32 AM Me

Just got this

Feb 08, 2024 9:24:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Jetpack WordPress.com Your site appears to be down beyondborabora.com did not load when Jetpack Monitor last checked on it. What's happening? Your site is responding intermittently, or extremely slowly. This can indicate an overloaded, under-powered, or misconfigured server. Your site is probably loading for some users, but not for everyone. Error reference: 215162592/intermittent

Feb 08, 2024 9:25:06 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Also seeing this

Feb 08, 2024 9:51:19 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Crap / I’m on our

Feb 08, 2024 9:51:21 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

It

Feb 08, 2024 9:51:47 AM Me

?

Feb 08, 2024 9:51:58 AM Me

You’re what?

Feb 08, 2024 9:52:23 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Beyond bora bora error

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Feb 08, 2024 10:36:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I added a walkthrough for signup and use, an a set of user personas who could be potential users. If you could scan it over that would be great:

Feb 08, 2024 10:36:18 AM Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1Y4W5Ae1Qg8Rzvz-BvreXRG6ipdjHop24AJQvmmKybEY%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&followup=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1Y4W5Ae1Qg8Rzvz-BvreXRG6ipdjHop24AJQvmmKybEY%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&ifkv=ASKXGp2j1bV-mvuE2dgHndF4bCurEY6EunapRHl0tkLX-lejmOuM7WGjoBsSNnp9izWQZwuMf2_lOA<mpl=docs&osid=1&passive=1209600&service=wise&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S-1240936947%3A1707413776807245

Feb 08, 2024 10:36:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Honestly would have taken me many hours to write these.

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Feb 08, 2024 3:44:51 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 54 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Thorough proposal

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Feb 08, 2024 3:48:31 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 50 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

https://uizard.io/

Feb 08, 2024 3:48:52 PM (Read by you after 18 hours, 50 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Didn’t check it out yet / looks cool

Feb 10, 2024 9:45:44 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 43 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

How are you and Jenica feeling?

Feb 10, 2024 11:30:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good morning. She’s nearly 100%, I have a high pressure headache and glue in my head still. Hoping to be clean and clear by Monday. How are you doing?

Feb 10, 2024 11:34:23 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

We are well. Hanging in Denver for a family bday tomorrow on Sarah’s side

Feb 10, 2024 11:34:47 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Bit chill and snowy today. Off to the art museum

Feb 10, 2024 11:45:00 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

The Clyfford Styll museum is my favorite

Feb 10, 2024 11:51:18 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

If we have time

Feb 10, 2024 11:51:38 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 10, 2024 11:51:51 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 10, 2024 11:54:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Looks chilly

Feb 10, 2024 3:56:26 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Some cool art from teen agees

Feb 10, 2024 3:57:03 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 10, 2024 3:57:26 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 10, 2024 3:57:42 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 10, 2024 4:04:40 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

This looks like it’s going to be a cool building

Feb 11, 2024 9:05:42 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Here is another side of it

Feb 11, 2024 9:05:59 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 11, 2024 9:06:44 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Listen to the end - another good reminder

Feb 11, 2024 9:06:47 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/no-more-excuses-take-control-of-your-life-today

Feb 11, 2024 11:10:32 AM Me

Feeling crap today mentally. Jenica is taking a break from us. Says call me when you want to go out and date. I took all my shit, and gave her the remote to her gate back. Now sitting in a parking lot. Figuring out where I’m gonna spend the rest of my day

Feb 11, 2024 11:23:10 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 48 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Sorry to hear

Feb 11, 2024 11:11:09 AM Me

More rejection But I’m used to it, right?

Feb 11, 2024 11:13:40 AM Me

I’m realizing I’m pretty fucking broken. Meaning the negative thinking has taken root over these past two years and it’s become a way of being and thinking that’s the default. It’s fucked because I see myself as less and unwanted constantly

Feb 11, 2024 11:25:02 AM (Read by you after 56 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Un root that shit. The world will continue to reflect you as you see yourself.

Feb 11, 2024 11:25:51 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Keep your mind on the opportunities that are in front of you.

Feb 11, 2024 11:26:11 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

County job Freelance job

Feb 11, 2024 11:23:10 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 48 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Sorry to hear
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 11, 2024 11:25:02 AM (Read by you after 56 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Un root that shit. The world will continue to reflect you as you see yourself.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 11, 2024 11:25:51 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Keep your mind on the opportunities that are in front of you.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 11, 2024 11:26:10 AM Me

Ok

Feb 11, 2024 11:26:11 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

County job Freelance job
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Feb 11, 2024 11:26:55 AM Me

I forget about them. That’s interesting that I do that.

Feb 11, 2024 11:27:08 AM Me

So used to being rejected

Feb 11, 2024 11:29:49 AM +13038752587

Design your compelling future - if this time next year you’re telling me about how awesome life’s is, what has happened over 2024.

Feb 11, 2024 11:31:32 AM Me

Driving to coffee I’ll reply after I get there

Feb 11, 2024 12:08:58 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I’m in a very strange head space at the moment. Hard to describe.

Feb 11, 2024 12:09:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m at Starbucks in Ojai

Feb 11, 2024 12:09:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling gigantic disassociation right now

Feb 11, 2024 12:12:41 PM Me

Ok, have coffee now

Feb 11, 2024 12:21:49 PM +13038752587

That makes sense - allow the feelings to flow through, then let them go.

Feb 11, 2024 12:26:11 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Wish I knew the lesson I’m supposed to be getting from all this going on in my life for me right now? I would really like to learn the lesson and move the fuck on. I’ve been in this space too long and its taking its toll on me — I can feel it. No person is meant to go this long, with this many life stressors all happening simultaneously. The fact I’ve not gone mental, in a bottle or at the end of a gun is a sign of how stubborn I am. This experience I’m having hurts at the quantum level. Deeper than most people are capable of feeling. I’ve made myself aware to the fact I can take a lot on mentally, and let a whole lot of shit go and roll off my back—that said there is a suffering that comes with the items that don’t roll off. Those can linger, or leave and re-appear a long time later and bring along all the associated emotions, etc. I just had a realization that “gee no wonder it’s hard for me to concentrate on work, or other things and stay focused. Gee why do I seem to be restless, or dissatisfied, etc.

Feb 11, 2024 12:26:29 PM Me

Sorry bout that long one. Need to hit send more often

Feb 11, 2024 12:29:08 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I may get into the moutains on a hike today with Weston. It’s making me cry to think about it, wow. I’m fragile

Feb 11, 2024 12:35:51 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

That is a good place for healing

Feb 11, 2024 12:36:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just texting with Declan. Going to take him to Starbucks. Then probably go hike with Weston. Its going to be intensely triggering

Feb 11, 2024 12:37:09 PM Me

Its already triggering me just thinking about it

Feb 11, 2024 12:39:08 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 11, 2024 12:39:36 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 11, 2024 12:39:48 PM Me

Unfortunately I( dont feel fit for purpose

Feb 11, 2024 12:40:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m not fit for purpose

Feb 11, 2024 12:40:27 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

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Feb 11, 2024 12:44:21 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇲ Me

An incredibly summarized TRUTH by an incredibly insightful being

Feb 11, 2024 12:44:21 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇱ Me

An incredibly summarized TRUTH by an incredibly insightful being
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Feb 12, 2024 9:20:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola! How goes your Monday?

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Feb 12, 2024 9:31:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just got a note that BoraBora is down

Feb 12, 2024 12:23:40 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 54 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Site is live

Feb 12, 2024 9:34:12 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I may switch scribing from OpenAI to Google Gemini. Gemini can, if I allow it, go through my Google Docs and help with anything. Same price per month. $20 What say you?

Feb 12, 2024 12:24:56 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 38 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Depends on what you will use it for? Do the two week trial and see

Feb 12, 2024 10:46:27 AM Me

Ps. Just had a nice conversation with the recruiter who’s with an agency that specializes in technology placements He said he knows of freelance opportunities that could be a good fit for me. Stay tuned.

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Feb 12, 2024 11:03:05 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Saw this:

Feb 12, 2024 11:03:06 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://zapier.com/blog/best-ai-app-builder/?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=itbl-gbl-pgv-ooc-blog_best_ai_app_builder_20240212-ctn

Feb 12, 2024 12:23:40 PM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 54 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Site is live
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Feb 12, 2024 12:24:56 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 38 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Depends on what you will use it for? Do the two week trial and see
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 12, 2024 1:15:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool.

Feb 12, 2024 1:16:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just finished final read-through of the MVP overview doc and sent it to Greg, the client. Next is taking any edits, then its estimate time. Interested to use AI to help estimate.

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Feb 12, 2024 1:47:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m tired. Even tho I’m sleeping I think I either have sleep apnea, or I am sleeping, but the gigantic fucking mountain of stress weighs so heavy that I need more sleep than is possible.

Feb 12, 2024 1:49:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel like failure on many fronts daily, for going on 9 months now. Always more to do than I can get done. Guilt is unstoppable when taking ANY time or ANY thing for oneself. MUST return to working on hunting.

Feb 12, 2024 1:50:55 PM Me

Dude, I’m fucking TIRED of this liminal space life

Feb 12, 2024 1:51:13 PM Me

Anyhow… onward

Feb 12, 2024 2:03:38 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

A suggestion based on some recent learnings Start work immediately upon waking for 3 hrs block on the most important thing. Reset: Do stretching, meditation, etc after Then another 2-3 hrs of work. When feeling tired, get into physical action. Jumping jacks are good. Remove all distractions- ie get off scrolling social, avoid the news at all costs, and any other numbing activities In non work non sleep time, journal, read, create (art for you)

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Feb 12, 2024 5:29:57 PM Me

I Have your last text inside my Notion app to turn it into a morning routine, or rather daily routine template for me. I’ve been running my days boot scrappy with the rough mental outline, but nothing rigid, or any kind of structure that I could add two or throwaway, so I’m gonna take this on.

Feb 12, 2024 5:30:15 PM Me

Also, today got a lot of Adulting done. My MRI appointment for my low back is scheduled and I also have an appointment scheduled to get rid of the varicose veins in my legs.

Feb 12, 2024 5:31:14 PM Me

And I followed up Mei with Cal, Fresh and the county to connect about getting services. Plus I got my new business cards today and I applied to three jobs and I’m going to go chill at the park and watch the sunset and then likely get something at the market to eat and then go park at Libby in Ojai, which is where I stayed last night it’s quiet and no one bugs you.

Feb 12, 2024 5:31:42 PM Me

Blah, blah, blah 😂😂😂

Feb 12, 2024 5:38:10 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Great progress!

Feb 12, 2024 5:47:43 PM Me

Notion is helping me I wouldn’t technically be able to keep track of as many things as I am right now without using that application. It’s flexibility to do what I want is unparalleled and that’s saying a lot because I’ve seen a lot and used a lot of shit.

Feb 12, 2024 5:48:28 PM Me

I’m surprised that you haven’t given it serious consideration because it can handle anything you can throw at it or you can create your own templates

Feb 12, 2024 5:48:53 PM Me

Hell you could create a product. Sell a set of Notion templates to someone that helps them run a restaurant, checklist, forms, processes, links, videos, you name it it could do it all.

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Feb 13, 2024 9:19:30 AM Me

Good morning 😁

Feb 13, 2024 10:30:56 AM +13038752587

Bonjour

Feb 13, 2024 10:41:48 AM Me

What's up today? Curious How are you making the monthly nut beyond hotel?

Feb 13, 2024 11:14:25 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

It’s getting to crunch time

Feb 13, 2024 11:15:05 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Working on ai appointment solution for mortgage brokers - looking to make proposal this week

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Feb 13, 2024 11:18:10 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Checkout bark, create a profile in river

Feb 13, 2024 11:18:33 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Scan Craig’s list for tech gigs

Feb 13, 2024 11:24:33 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

https://www.bark.com/en/us/

Feb 13, 2024 12:14:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m so Po, I can’t afford the “or” to finish the word

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Feb 13, 2024 12:16:59 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 47 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Task rabbit

Feb 13, 2024 12:24:15 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Send you an invite to signup

Feb 13, 2024 12:31:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 33 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Actually install the taskr app to get work

Feb 13, 2024 2:05:38 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Made that list into a daily framework template

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Feb 13, 2024 2:21:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, I have officially completed EVERYTHING for my unemployment application today. Applied to 5 good jobs

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Feb 13, 2024 2:21:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

FYI haven’t paid AMEX or Apple Credit Cards in a Looooonggg time. THey[re going to crush me soon.

Feb 13, 2024 2:22:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Right now I dont have enough to make my car payment in 6 days. Need $450

Feb 13, 2024 2:22:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ve spent all my retirement savings

Feb 13, 2024 2:23:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Is now the time I am officially fucked? Been wondering when that was going to arrive. Fuck me.

Feb 13, 2024 2:32:09 PM ⇲ +13038752587

That’s one way of looking at it

Feb 13, 2024 2:33:19 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Or The bridges are burnt and there is only one direction to go - FORWARD.

Feb 13, 2024 2:24:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m emptying my soul to my NSA group. Telling them of my situation of sleeping in my car since October and having nothing left to live on— and rejections to the rooftops. Anyhow. I know you know how this feels.

Feb 13, 2024 2:32:06 PM Me

Just asked Ai and it says I'm unlikely to get any fed help No unemployment insurance

Feb 13, 2024 2:32:09 PM ⇱ +13038752587

That’s one way of looking at it
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Feb 13, 2024 2:33:19 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Or The bridges are burnt and there is only one direction to go - FORWARD.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 13, 2024 2:33:53 PM Me

Been doing that for 9 months

Feb 13, 2024 2:33:58 PM Me

Forward

Feb 13, 2024 2:34:10 PM Me

I ain't the same I don’t have my beard anymore

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Feb 13, 2024 2:36:52 PM Me

| There are moments every day where I nearly lose it in public Like right now in Starbucks 😆
Edited 6 seconds later | There are moments every day where I nearly lose it in public Like right now in Starbucks

Feb 13, 2024 2:37:09 PM Me

🥹😭

Feb 13, 2024 2:40:05 PM +13038752587

Your mind has been on I’m fucked, Change that to my life gets better everyday in every way Go on a hike and chant that over and over for hours. Emphasize different words each time. MY life,… my LIFE,… my life GETS, …

Feb 13, 2024 2:42:50 PM +13038752587

This is a version of what T Robbins calls incantations. Get physical, get vocal and shift your actual brain patterns

Feb 13, 2024 2:43:15 PM +13038752587

Are you in Ojai

Feb 13, 2024 2:44:18 PM Me

Dude. While I appreciate the idea and gesture… The reality I'm living isn't getting better, it's more tenuous and fragile. Only thing I have to sell is myself now Hoping tomorrow leads somewhere, but I'm hedging my bets thats It’s likely to turn out like one of those recruiter meetings. Meeting goes very well, and that’s the end of it.

Feb 13, 2024 2:45:03 PM Me

I’m not sure how many days it is after you stop paying for your car that the cops are looking for you but that’s something I’ll probably Google soon

Feb 13, 2024 2:45:27 PM Me

Losing the car will suck

Feb 13, 2024 2:46:59 PM Me

Honestly have no expectations anymore on just about anything. You're dissapointed less

Feb 13, 2024 2:47:12 PM Me

Less frustrating too

Feb 13, 2024 2:48:18 PM Me

K, getting free refill and going to leave here. Need to dig thru storage for my shoes. Need them for tomorrow

Feb 13, 2024 2:49:28 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Re read what you are writing ✍️ You do not have a compelling vision for your future. Your vision has been stuck on worst case scenarios Change it to best case scenarios

Feb 13, 2024 2:50:37 PM Me

K

Feb 13, 2024 2:50:40 PM Me

Hear you

Feb 13, 2024 2:51:40 PM Me

I’m gonna take a five minute break with this fresh coffee, I may write a short article on an experience I had today filing for unemployment. I think it might be interesting to share it on LinkedIn. I’m gonna draft it up in Grammarly and then I’ll paste it into Google Docs and share it with you.it’s a take on what it’s like to be where I’m at so it should be fun to read😂

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Feb 13, 2024 2:52:44 PM Me

Maybe sharing stories about This experience might get me some traction? Notes from ageism

Feb 13, 2024 2:53:28 PM Me

Could turn into something like clients from hell, do you remember that Twitter handle/Tumblr feed?

Feb 13, 2024 2:53:44 PM Me

That thing made me laugh out loud many times

Feb 13, 2024 3:07:38 PM Me

Hey. BIG thanks for listening to my bullshit

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Feb 13, 2024 3:40:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok, I sat down and just cranked out this ALL PURPOSE cover letter. Let me know what you what you think. According to Grammarly it will take less than one minute to read.

Feb 13, 2024 3:40:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

All purpose Cover Letter Hola Hiring Manager! Here's the deal, I respond to the design problem(s) before me—no cookie-cutter process. The issues are not the same; most times, neither is the software, business, or industry, so why would one apply the same. damn. process? Each design problem is different, so the approach to solving it should also be—the point being that you don't need to use every tool because it is in your toolbox—I use what's needed and nothing more in service to only the user and the reduction of friction. I bring a rare blend of world-class skills to the table. My extensive digital design background spans thirty-five industries over twenty-nine years—before Facebook and Google were online—the time of table-based layouts and spacer.gifs. This exposure and experience have equipped me with a unique precognition to tackle potential challenges and preemptively save time and resources. I'm comfortable with ambiguity, surprises, and deadline pressure. I'm approachable and adaptable and value collaboration and constructive feedback to achieve the best outcomes—I parked my ego long ago. My expertise in the digital project cycle includes discovery, strategy, design, deliverables, documentation, presentation, instruction and education, and implementation. If I might be of service, please reach out. It always starts with a conversation. Cheers, Bert Postscript: Explore my portfolio at https://bertmahoney.com . The password is: l3tm3in

Feb 13, 2024 3:41:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can’t get more authentic and real than that unless I start swearing

Feb 13, 2024 3:42:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Now to my article for the web based on my experience today.

Feb 13, 2024 3:57:04 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Email it to me so I can edit it

Feb 13, 2024 3:58:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok

Feb 13, 2024 3:59:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

done

Feb 13, 2024 4:00:06 PM Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1_Tpn02pUQ_T5Gl04ZfnRdijiwsAp7cdkyWGqReU4ZdE%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&followup=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1_Tpn02pUQ_T5Gl04ZfnRdijiwsAp7cdkyWGqReU4ZdE%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&ifkv=ATuJsjwG6L0e2MCQVFv9jsWF0dShyLr7L-dYBHB2yxEx2G7iT2ERmQkpRTDJRERSMXB2LmUVJnBf6g<mpl=docs&osid=1&passive=1209600&service=wise&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S134824465%3A1707865204426523

Feb 13, 2024 5:38:56 PM Me

Tee designs I’m working on

Feb 13, 2024 5:52:56 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Make one design for each and post on social with a link to buy.

Feb 13, 2024 6:03:00 PM Me

Cool. I'll work on it tonight

Feb 13, 2024 6:03:19 PM Me

Headed to walk Weston on campus

Feb 13, 2024 6:04:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute) +13038752587

Your am I post is good

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Feb 13, 2024 6:58:49 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Comments made on cover letter

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Feb 13, 2024 7:01:48 PM ⇲ Me

I may do some editing tonight, but certainly in the morning after I’ve slept on it

Feb 13, 2024 7:02:19 PM ⇲ Me

I’m also going to have all of the GPT writing assistants give it a go over

Feb 13, 2024 7:01:48 PM ⇱ Me

I may do some editing tonight, but certainly in the morning after I’ve slept on it
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Feb 13, 2024 7:02:19 PM ⇱ Me

I’m also going to have all of the GPT writing assistants give it a go over
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 13, 2024 7:02:46 PM Me

Just done hiking with Weston. Taking him back home right now and then to storage looking for my black beats.

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Feb 13, 2024 7:02:53 PM Me

Boots 🥾

Feb 14, 2024 10:22:42 AM Me

Guden Taag!! New track from my favorite DJ. All instrumental, he makes great stuff to work to in the background. “Get shit done music”

Feb 14, 2024 10:22:47 AM Me

Spotify

Feb 14, 2024 10:23:12 AM Me

His name is “ Four Tet “

Feb 14, 2024 10:23:51 AM Me

Feb 14, 2024 10:24:12 AM Me

Another DIY card in the works at Starbucks by c’est moi

Feb 14, 2024 10:24:47 AM Me

Send good mojo my way at 2pm pacific

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Feb 14, 2024 10:26:07 AM Me

If they were to offer, even if not great, I will take it. I can always keep hunting for the ideal gig while I’m working. And can be far pickier

Feb 14, 2024 11:01:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My Dart Design Branding Logo for shirts.

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Feb 14, 2024 11:33:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Stomach has been hurting weirdly. Could be anxiety, not sure.

Feb 14, 2024 11:34:09 AM Me

That would be great, huh? Full blown panic Attack while I’m in the interview having to answer a question. that would be my luck

Feb 14, 2024 12:36:54 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 16 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Change the story NOW! “I nailed the interview and they offered me the position”

Feb 14, 2024 12:17:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

The first of MANY sayings I have from watching darts

Feb 14, 2024 12:17:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

That design on a T-shirt of Mug

Feb 14, 2024 12:19:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feb 14, 2024 12:19:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feb 14, 2024 12:20:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feb 14, 2024 12:36:54 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 16 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Change the story NOW! “I nailed the interview and they offered me the position”
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 14, 2024 12:38:08 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - create some mock-ups on placeit or similar app

Feb 14, 2024 9:56:48 PM Me

❤️

Feb 15, 2024 12:20:47 PM Me

FYI Officially down to my last $21 No more money. Just debt and taxes. Or was that death and taxes?? Fuck.

Feb 15, 2024 12:21:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

| Have to start thinking how to strategically run out of power in my car my some kind of charger.
Edited 11 seconds later | Have to start thinking how to strategically run out of power in my car by some kind of charger.

Feb 15, 2024 12:22:23 PM Me

Think I have enough to get around today. But tomorrow I could find myself stranded. We’ll see. Life’s a fucking adventure—amiright?

Feb 15, 2024 12:32:17 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Can’t you part on campus and plug-in to outlet or somewhere

Feb 15, 2024 12:38:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I asked about parking on campus and they won’t allow it. Policies have changed since the “me too” moments on campus

Feb 15, 2024 12:24:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Very poor sleep last night, maybe 5 hours. Woke up at 4am, stressed the fuck out and crying. Had my NSA meeting this morning. I’m behind everyone because of Covid, so having to play catch up.

Feb 15, 2024 12:24:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling incredibly discouraged and defeated today. Have darts tonight at 7pm. Will be weird to play darts and drink water all night.

Feb 15, 2024 12:32:49 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No alcohol is a good thing

Feb 15, 2024 12:25:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I may drive over to surfers point and see if I can find a parking spot. Take a nap maybe. I feel like shit, physically and mentally.

Feb 15, 2024 12:25:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m a loser baby, so why dont you kill me

Feb 15, 2024 12:32:17 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Can’t you part on campus and plug-in to outlet or somewhere
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 15, 2024 12:32:49 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No alcohol is a good thing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 15, 2024 12:33:55 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Did you search Craigslist, Tasker for gig work?

Feb 15, 2024 12:39:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I’ll take a look today. I was busy making a valentine that was cooly received last night, and had my exam in the afternoon, prepping beforehand and then was wiped out afterwards.

Feb 15, 2024 12:35:00 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

I have a small project / probably 100 bucks

Feb 15, 2024 12:36:39 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

It’s transfering a website from one url to another in siteground and adding in some basic SEO

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Feb 15, 2024 12:38:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I asked about parking on campus and they won’t allow it. Policies have changed since the “me too” moments on campus
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 15, 2024 12:39:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I’ll take a look today. I was busy making a valentine that was cooly received last night, and had my exam in the afternoon, prepping beforehand and then was wiped out afterwards.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 15, 2024 12:40:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I realize I dont have much more space before I fall off the plank.

Feb 15, 2024 12:41:06 PM +13038752587

I’ll get the new url pointed to siteground and get you login info

Feb 15, 2024 12:41:08 PM Me

I have enough food to maybe get me to Saturday morning.

Feb 15, 2024 12:41:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I followed up with County on getting food stamps but no call back yet.

Feb 15, 2024 12:41:33 PM +13038752587

What happened with interview yesterda

Feb 15, 2024 12:41:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It was oral examination

Feb 15, 2024 12:41:58 PM Me

Not interview

Feb 15, 2024 12:42:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Interesting and different process

Feb 15, 2024 12:42:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2 people who know NOTHING about me ask me 9 job related questions that I have to answer in 25mins.

Feb 15, 2024 12:43:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

They score me based on my answers. If I score over 70 I’m in the interview list, ranked by score. That list is handed to the hiring manager and then they decide who they want to interview.

Feb 15, 2024 12:43:33 PM Me

If I dont get interviewed I’m one that list for one year should another position come up. I wouldn’t have to do the oral exam again.

Feb 15, 2024 12:43:44 PM Me

I was told I will know my score today.

Feb 15, 2024 12:44:09 PM Me

I felt I was 85 or higher, but I have no idea what I’ll get—I’ll let you know.

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Feb 15, 2024 12:44:46 PM Me

And if I DO get called for an interview I have no idea how long that will go on for, and I dont know when they’re making their decision. Lots of variables at play.

Feb 15, 2024 12:45:17 PM Me

I was sharply dressed and had more to say and reply with than time that was offered.

Feb 15, 2024 12:46:11 PM Me

I’m now at the mercy of the process

Feb 15, 2024 12:46:20 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Lots of food banks in the area - so don’t go hungry out if pride

Feb 15, 2024 12:46:36 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Foodshare.com is one

Feb 15, 2024 12:47:54 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Found this too

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Feb 15, 2024 12:48:11 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 15, 2024 12:52:39 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Do you think you can get the website migrated today? Not sure what the day looks like

Feb 15, 2024 12:54:10 PM Me

Yes. I can get started asap. Going to move from Starbucks by the mall. Been sitting here for 3 hours now

Feb 15, 2024 12:54:44 PM Me

Going to surfers point. I’ll shoot you another text when I’m there and parked.

Feb 15, 2024 1:01:15 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I’m waiting on access codes - might be a while

Feb 15, 2024 12:56:43 PM Me

Oh, and I plan on finish editing the MI? Article I’ve written. I am putting more of a spin on the software designer, UX, designer, product designer, title, conundrum in my industry. That tied with not finding any of those, except product designer in that database was fucked up.

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Feb 15, 2024 12:56:55 PM Me

Am I? Article

Feb 15, 2024 1:01:15 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I’m waiting on access codes - might be a while
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 15, 2024 1:02:22 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

See if you can find an outlet to plug-in to 😀

Feb 15, 2024 1:10:04 PM ⇲ Me

My battery back up fully charged

Feb 15, 2024 1:04:38 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Got the codes

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Feb 15, 2024 1:09:28 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What do you know about hostlingrr hosting

Feb 15, 2024 1:10:25 PM ⇲ Me

Fair amount, why?

Feb 15, 2024 1:10:04 PM ⇱ Me

My battery back up fully charged
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 15, 2024 1:10:25 PM ⇱ Me

Fair amount, why?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 15, 2024 1:11:20 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Thinking of moving hosting from siteground

Feb 15, 2024 1:14:40 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Bb in about 30m

Feb 15, 2024 1:28:30 PM Me

Ok

Feb 15, 2024 1:53:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m sitting here by the beach in my car tethered to my cell phone.

Feb 15, 2024 1:53:09 PM Me

Ready to rock and roll

Feb 15, 2024 2:14:59 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - project just got a bit easier

Feb 15, 2024 2:15:09 PM (Read by you after 29 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll call you in 5m

Feb 15, 2024 2:15:48 PM Me

Ok

Feb 15, 2024 2:25:23 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Interesting:

Feb 15, 2024 2:25:27 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

https://www.iterationx.com/

Feb 15, 2024 3:38:00 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get email from Wordpress

Feb 15, 2024 3:38:28 PM Me

Not at my computer at the moment

Feb 15, 2024 3:39:36 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

I sent you one too

Feb 15, 2024 3:39:45 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Cool you should be all set

Feb 15, 2024 3:39:55 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Waiting on address

Feb 15, 2024 3:40:13 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Actual physical address

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Feb 15, 2024 3:46:43 PM Me

Back at car. At Vons and Starbucks near the ocean

Feb 15, 2024 4:06:33 PM Me

Getting to it

Feb 15, 2024 4:09:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Menu title color looks messed up here.

Feb 15, 2024 4:20:04 PM Me

You around for me to ask questions?

Feb 15, 2024 4:35:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI making list of things that need doing that aren’t apart of what you asked for

Feb 15, 2024 4:35:47 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Feb 15, 2024 5:03:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do you have a backup?

Feb 15, 2024 5:03:21 PM Me

The homepage content did that dissapearing thing when you toggle divi

Feb 15, 2024 5:03:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Fucker

Feb 15, 2024 5:05:03 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

If stoneage

Feb 15, 2024 5:05:06 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Of

Feb 15, 2024 5:05:10 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Emailing

Feb 15, 2024 5:07:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Feb 15, 2024 5:07:47 PM Me

Also can you easily upload html files to the server root?

Feb 15, 2024 5:07:59 PM +13038752587

Yes

Feb 15, 2024 5:08:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Need to verify the site for Google and then it will index

Feb 15, 2024 5:08:06 PM Me

K

Feb 15, 2024 5:08:15 PM Me

Emailing file to you. Simple HTML file

Feb 15, 2024 5:09:05 PM Me

K, just emailed file

Feb 15, 2024 5:09:26 PM Me

Lmk when its online so I can keep pushing on SEO setup.

Feb 15, 2024 5:09:55 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Backup is in dashboard

Feb 15, 2024 5:10:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Feb 15, 2024 5:10:12 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 15, 2024 5:10:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Using this SEO plugin:

Feb 15, 2024 5:10:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Rank Math

Feb 15, 2024 5:10:36 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Uses AI

Feb 15, 2024 5:11:18 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

However you can’t restore directly from backup siteground warned before changing primary url

Feb 15, 2024 5:16:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

When I restored just the DB my user isn’t in there

Feb 15, 2024 5:16:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

berchman kfbQ2dyc6&POfL*6y!EwuV)y

Feb 15, 2024 5:16:31 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Home page is there in divi editor

Feb 15, 2024 5:16:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yep

Feb 15, 2024 5:16:55 PM Me

I just can’t get into admin anymore

Feb 15, 2024 5:17:11 PM +13038752587

Hold on

Feb 15, 2024 5:17:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sorry about that

Feb 15, 2024 5:18:07 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Pw just sent

Feb 15, 2024 5:18:14 PM Me

k

Feb 15, 2024 5:20:17 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Where am I butting Google html

Feb 15, 2024 5:20:37 PM Me

dont worry for the moment

Feb 15, 2024 5:20:52 PM Me

I’ll let you know if I need it. Site kit might solve the problem

Feb 15, 2024 5:20:58 PM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Feb 15, 2024 5:22:07 PM Me

Cool, I’m verified and connected. All good

Feb 15, 2024 5:22:12 PM Me

Onward

Feb 15, 2024 5:27:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Whenever you have that address info, and the main Contact Email for the org that would be helpful.

Feb 15, 2024 5:30:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, I have the site setup with Google Analytics and SiteKit

Feb 15, 2024 5:31:09 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Will send as soon as I get it 😀

Feb 15, 2024 6:02:21 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Cool. I have things setup. Now its tweaking and improvement, but the framework is in place.

Feb 15, 2024 6:02:29 PM Me

I have the first post published here:

Feb 15, 2024 6:02:31 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Loveland Archaeological Society

Feb 15, 2024 6:05:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a blog post outline with keywords and tags.

Feb 15, 2024 6:05:38 PM Me

### Blog Post Series Outline 1. **Exploring Ancient Puebloan Societies** - **Keywords**: Ancient Puebloan, Ancestral Puebloans, archaeology, American Southwest - **Tags**: Puebloans, Cliff Dwellings, Mesa Verde, Chaco Canyon 2. **The Mystery of the Anasazi** - **Keywords**: Anasazi, archaeology, disappearance, American Southwest - **Tags**: Chaco Culture, Navajo National Monument, Anasazi Heritage 3. **Rock Art of the Southwest: Petroglyphs and Pictographs** - **Keywords**: Rock Art, Petroglyphs, Pictographs, American Southwest archaeology - **Tags**: Canyonlands, Petroglyph National Monument, Rock Drawings 4. **Archaeological Methods in the Desert** - **Keywords**: Archaeological Methods, Desert Archaeology, American Southwest, Fieldwork - **Tags**: Excavation Techniques, Dating Methods, Surveying 5. **The Role of Pottery in Understanding Ancient Cultures** - **Keywords**: Pottery, Archaeology, Ancient Cultures, American Southwest - **Tags**: Ceramic Analysis, Trade Networks, Cultural Exchange 6. **The Impact of Climate Change on Archaeological Sites** - **Keywords**: Climate Change, Archaeological Sites, Preservation, American Southwest - **Tags**: Erosion, Site Conservation, Environmental Impact 7. **Navajo Nation: A Living Heritage** - **Keywords**: Navajo Nation, Living Heritage, Archaeology, American Southwest - **Tags**: Diné, Cultural Preservation, Navajo Culture 8. **Colorado's Hidden Archaeological Treasures** - **Keywords**: Colorado Archaeology, Hidden Treasures, Ancient Sites, American Southwest - **Tags**: Lindenmeier Site, Magic Mountain Site, Colorado History 9. **The Archaeology of Ancient Trade Routes** - **Keywords**: Trade Routes, Archaeology, Ancient Economies, American Southwest - **Tags**: Turquoise Trail, Chocolate Trade, Pre-Columbian Exchange 10. **Understanding Archaeological Conservation** - **Keywords**: Archaeological Conservation, Site Preservation, American Southwest, Cultural Heritage - **Tags**: Conservation Techniques, Public Archaeology, Heritage Management 11. **The Technology Behind Archaeology** - **Keywords**: Archaeology Technology, Remote Sensing, GIS, American Southwest - **Tags**: LIDAR, Drone Survey, Technological Advances 12. **Exploring the Fremont Culture** - **Keywords**: Fremont Culture, Ancient Peoples, Archaeology, American Southwest - **Tags**: Fremont Sites, Rock Art, Cultural Practices 13. **The Significance of Basketry in Archaeological Finds** - **Keywords**: Basketry, Archaeological Finds, Ancient Crafts, American Southwest - **Tags**: Weaving Techniques, Cultural Artifacts, Basketmaker Culture 14. **Prehistoric Fauna of the American Southwest** - **Keywords**: Prehistoric Fauna, Fossils, Archaeology, American Southwest - **Tags**: Pleistocene Megafauna, Fossil Sites, Paleoecology 15. **Cultural Layers: Understanding Time Through Archaeology** - **Keywords**: Cultural Layers, Stratigraphy, Archaeology, American Southwest - **Tags**: Excavation, Chronology, Site Analysis 16. **Sacred Sites and Archaeology: Respect and Understanding** - **Keywords**: Sacred Sites, Cultural Respect, Archaeology, American Southwest - **Tags**: Spiritual Significance, Cultural Sensitivity, Indigenous Heritage This plan outlines a diverse range of topics that will engage readers and encourage them to explore the fascinating field of archaeology in the American Southwest and Colorado. Each post will be designed to not only educate but also inspire curiosity and respect for the ancient cultures and the landscapes that have shaped them.

Feb 15, 2024 6:05:42 PM Me

Kick ass

Feb 15, 2024 6:07:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Easier way to see the list:

Feb 15, 2024 6:07:51 PM Me

https://www.notion.so/Blog-Post-Series-760aeab99885486ba84889fcabda31b7?pvs=4

Feb 15, 2024 6:09:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to stop for the afternoon. Going to head over to start practicing for my dart match at 7pm. Last time only had 15 mins warm up and I sucked

Feb 15, 2024 6:10:53 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Feb 15, 2024 6:11:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have the next blog post drafted. Cleaning it up and Grammarly. Then I’ll queue it for posting.

Feb 15, 2024 6:11:43 PM Me

Going to get images into them too.

Feb 15, 2024 6:17:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Curious, when could you ping my Venmo with any $$$?

Feb 15, 2024 6:17:20 PM Me

Figuring out dinner and that could impact my decisions 😊

Feb 15, 2024 6:17:32 PM Me

No is ok, just need to know

Feb 15, 2024 6:17:39 PM Me

K, heading to darts.

Feb 15, 2024 6:17:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Will send you a pic. Its at our “home court"

Feb 15, 2024 7:02:08 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Get dinner

Feb 15, 2024 7:02:49 PM Me

Home court

Feb 15, 2024 7:02:50 PM Me

If you come out to Ventura, I’ll bring you here

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Feb 15, 2024 7:03:07 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Funds sent

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Feb 15, 2024 7:03:16 PM Me

Feb 15, 2024 7:03:31 PM Me

All 4 boards are nice

Feb 15, 2024 7:03:38 PM Me

I’m the first one here so I get to fuck around

Feb 15, 2024 7:10:47 PM Me

Darrell Ritchie paid you $100.00 🍕

Feb 15, 2024 7:10:56 PM Me

❤️grazie!

Feb 15, 2024 7:11:11 PM Me

Now to winning tonight!!

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Feb 16, 2024 12:12:50 AM Me

Won 2 And have one game to play. Just done and it’s closing time

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Feb 16, 2024 11:12:41 AM Me

So we have one game left in the tiebreaker it’s one to one. We have to play that game still and I’m waiting to hear from the league when and where. I’m headed to Starbucks to get back on those articles and have them queued up for publishing

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Feb 16, 2024 11:12:51 AM Me

Let me know if there’s anything else you need

Feb 16, 2024 1:04:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dude.

Feb 16, 2024 1:04:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m hurt

Feb 16, 2024 1:04:37 PM Me

I didnt make it to interviews on the Ventura County Job

Feb 16, 2024 1:04:44 PM Me

fuck me

Feb 16, 2024 1:05:21 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I get 3 minutes to mourn Then let go

Feb 16, 2024 1:12:19 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Just wrote an email to the HR person following up.

Feb 16, 2024 1:12:28 PM Me

First time going thru this type of process

Feb 16, 2024 1:12:28 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

Hi Mary, I got word about my score, and I find it interesting. Since I'm still determining the specific criteria on an examination as subjective as this, it's hard to know how or why I got the score I did. This was my first time going through this process, and I'm left scratching my head and needing more clarity. There is a way/tactic/strategy to go into these and score well, which I didn't have. Seems a pity. You're likely leaving good candidates out of intervies. Thank you for your time and effort on my behalf and your kindness. Be well, Bert -- Bert Mahoney Software Designer hello@bertmahoney.com

Feb 16, 2024 1:19:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Question.

Feb 16, 2024 1:19:42 PM Me

What email address do you use for your Google Search Console Access>

Feb 16, 2024 1:19:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Want to share access to the Loveland Search Console for you

Feb 16, 2024 1:46:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have first post queued, complete with images:

Feb 16, 2024 1:46:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://lovelandarchaeologicalsociety.com/exploring-ancient-puebloan-societies-a-journey-through-time/

Feb 16, 2024 1:47:12 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check my notes and let you know in a bit

Feb 16, 2024 1:59:56 PM Me

Ok

Feb 16, 2024 2:00:10 PM Me

On the second article now

Feb 16, 2024 2:00:18 PM Me

Anasazi

Feb 16, 2024 2:21:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wow. Hit the wall with GPT4. Won’t let me use it again until almost 4pm WTF????

Feb 16, 2024 2:21:22 PM Me

Might try google

Feb 16, 2024 2:21:46 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Switch to gpt 3.5

Feb 16, 2024 2:52:46 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I did

Feb 16, 2024 2:52:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://lovelandarchaeologicalsociety.com/unraveling-the-mysteries-of-the-desert-archaeological-methods-in-the-american-southwest/

Feb 16, 2024 3:00:02 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) Me

https://lovelandarchaeologicalsociety.com/unraveling-the-past-the-significance-of-pottery-in-ancient-cultures/

Feb 16, 2024 5:47:03 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

Howdy. Working next to the beach right now. Waiting for the sunset to get close. Will go sit and meditate and put feet in the sand to ground me.

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Feb 16, 2024 5:47:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Imagine its dinnertime for you and busy with familia

Feb 16, 2024 5:47:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You out and about tonight?

Feb 16, 2024 6:15:30 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Meme tree and Deidre are here visiting

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Feb 16, 2024 8:47:27 PM Me

Hey there. Just finished all 16 blog posts. You have one a day publishing until March 2nd.

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Feb 17, 2024 9:18:30 AM Me

Good morning

Feb 17, 2024 9:18:56 AM Me

Anything else that needs doing?

Feb 17, 2024 9:55:17 AM Me

I’m up and headed to Starbucks to work

Feb 17, 2024 10:02:40 AM Me

Send work if you have it

Feb 17, 2024 11:59:04 AM (Read by them after 55 seconds) Me

New artwork I created. Photos of me in the dark in Colorado camping. Words are artwork I painted this past summer/fall.

Feb 17, 2024 11:59:07 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 40 seconds) Me

Feb 17, 2024 11:59:24 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 50 seconds) Me

Feb 17, 2024 12:17:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Feb 17, 2024 12:21:25 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

Feb 17, 2024 12:21:35 PM (Read by them after 31 seconds) Me

Feb 17, 2024 12:21:55 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

Going thru some old screen caputures and I have some gems

Feb 17, 2024 1:22:07 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey there.

Feb 17, 2024 1:22:13 PM Me

A very bad day here.

Feb 17, 2024 1:22:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just off phone with Jenica.

Feb 17, 2024 1:22:43 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 2 seconds) Me

She basically doesn’t want anything to do with me until I have my shit together.

Feb 17, 2024 1:23:08 PM (Read by them after 37 seconds) Me

I can’t take her on dates because I couldn’t afford it (my thinking). And she wants to be wooed etc,

Feb 17, 2024 1:23:33 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

We had a “Sip and Paint” and tickets for Porno for Pyros tonight.

Feb 17, 2024 1:23:47 PM Me

She doesn’t want to go now.

Feb 17, 2024 1:24:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling really bad and awful

Feb 17, 2024 1:24:42 PM Me

Maybe today is the day

Feb 17, 2024 1:35:13 PM Me

You around? I need perspective

Feb 17, 2024 2:00:13 PM Me

Struggling very hard today And I’m present to the fact that I really don’t want to be alive

Feb 17, 2024 2:02:00 PM Me

Also resigned to idea that things aren’t changing or going anywhere. Feel like I’m going backwards

Feb 17, 2024 2:22:02 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

I’m here

Feb 17, 2024 2:25:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry to hear about he canceled date. I was a bit caught off guard as I thought you texted me last week, that she was putting things on hold. Either way I can see how that was disappointing to hear.

Feb 17, 2024 2:27:27 PM Me

Can chat in a few. I’m headed up to campus to pick up mail. I think it’s my welfare and food stamps.

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Feb 17, 2024 2:29:32 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’m reading a book about “re-wild ing” so far it’s about the stress we carry around trying to live in the digital technology world ( which is designed to be an easier live and is in many ways, but the price is high on our overall well-being). Interesting read so far.

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Feb 17, 2024 2:30:55 PM +13038752587

If you were to observe your life as an outsider, what patterns would you see?

Feb 17, 2024 2:31:36 PM Me

Total non sequitur. I’m feeling very broken. I’m feeling I have no awareness about how broken I am. And when things are brought up to me, I’m aware of them but not when they’re happening.

Feb 17, 2024 2:34:58 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Expound on “broken”

Feb 17, 2024 2:46:07 PM Me

I just went to the house to pick up mail and I completely lost my shit. Started crying uncontrollably in front of Darragh. All I could say was but I can’t stay here. It hurts too much and he gave me my mail and then he hugged me really hard and made me cry more.

Feb 17, 2024 2:48:23 PM Me

Honestly, and I know I said this before today would not be a bad day to die

Feb 17, 2024 2:48:41 PM Me

I just feel so fucking done

Feb 17, 2024 2:54:59 PM Me

I have no friends I have no place to stay. I don’t have a job I don’t have money. I have no credit I’m kind of fucked.

Feb 17, 2024 2:55:25 PM Me

Signed up for Instacart DoorDash GrubHub you name it and waiting to get verified

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Feb 17, 2024 2:59:40 PM +13038752587

So, you will be able to get some cash coming in.

Feb 17, 2024 2:59:50 PM +13038752587

This is good.

Feb 17, 2024 3:00:07 PM Me

$450 car payment on Monday that I don’t have

Feb 17, 2024 3:00:24 PM Me

I’m fucked, like I said

Feb 17, 2024 3:01:26 PM Me

Broken = persistent rejection because I’m not fit for purpose

Feb 17, 2024 3:01:41 PM Me

By jobs and now Jenica

Feb 17, 2024 3:01:49 PM Me

It’s killing me

Feb 17, 2024 3:02:08 PM Me

I’m just walking around crying and water just keeps coming out of my face

Feb 17, 2024 3:02:19 PM +13038752587

You are not. However, this one of your patterns that needs to be ended. This mantra is not serving you and yet you cling to it. “I’m fucked” needs to be thrown away

Feb 17, 2024 3:02:36 PM Me

I think when I feel normal, I’m still very broken, depressed and sad. It just feels better than the normal deeper version of that.

Feb 17, 2024 3:03:13 PM Me

Shit fucks you up when you get stuck in a headspace for too long, you know that and I know that. I’ve been in this space of no work, no money no house for almost a year now.

Feb 17, 2024 3:06:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

And only recently have you decided to take action to shift that. You have been stuck in a pattern of I must get a corporate job as a ui designer, which keeps leading to the same place.

Feb 17, 2024 3:03:26 PM +13038752587

Another pattern is the need for outside validation. You value is intrinsic, own it and things will change.

Feb 17, 2024 3:03:54 PM Me

That’s just it I don’t have value. That’s being proven to me by things outside of me.

Feb 17, 2024 3:08:20 PM ⇲ +13038752587

The world is reflecting your own beliefs back at you. I’m not saying be arrogant, I’m saying believe in yourself.

Feb 17, 2024 3:04:11 PM Me

I can think I’m special all I want but unless the world thinks you are, it’s just a fucking silly idea in your head

Feb 17, 2024 3:04:46 PM Me

People like that tend to be full of themselves, and think their God’s gift to everything

Feb 17, 2024 3:06:21 PM Me

Sorry

Feb 17, 2024 3:06:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

And only recently have you decided to take action to shift that. You have been stuck in a pattern of I must get a corporate job as a ui designer, which keeps leading to the same place.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 3:06:50 PM Me

I realize I dump all this into your text thread and you don’t deserve this. I am not your problem.

Feb 17, 2024 3:08:20 PM ⇱ +13038752587

The world is reflecting your own beliefs back at you. I’m not saying be arrogant, I’m saying believe in yourself.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 3:09:11 PM +13038752587

You are not anyone’s problem. And get it out of your head - dump away

Feb 17, 2024 3:09:16 PM Me

Would it be weird for me to say that I truthfully, and honestly do not know how to believe in myself

Feb 17, 2024 3:09:26 PM +13038752587

No

Feb 17, 2024 3:09:34 PM Me

Well, there you go

Feb 17, 2024 3:09:46 PM Me

I honestly don’t think I have a fucking clue how to do that

Feb 17, 2024 3:09:53 PM +13038752587

Your narrative has been the opposite for so many years

Feb 17, 2024 3:10:44 PM +13038752587

There is where you are wrong. Yo do know, it is a question of reminding yourself constantly

Feb 17, 2024 3:11:20 PM Me

So I have to believe a belief that I don’t believe in yet I know all about it.

Feb 17, 2024 3:11:35 PM Me

The, knowing all about it part I am coming up empty

Feb 17, 2024 3:11:47 PM +13038752587

Faith

Feb 17, 2024 3:12:28 PM Me

Ah, religiosity

Feb 17, 2024 3:12:41 PM +13038752587

Now - faith In yourself

Feb 17, 2024 3:13:02 PM +13038752587

You can do it 😀

Feb 17, 2024 3:13:24 PM +13038752587

Seriously though - you can do it

Feb 17, 2024 3:15:44 PM Me

Ok

Feb 17, 2024 3:16:16 PM +13038752587

Ok - let the sadness of your current situation pass. Get into action. Goal is find a way (legally 😀) to make money asap.

Feb 17, 2024 3:16:19 PM Me

Am at the storage unit now doing some reorganization of my storage space for better access to my clothes, and also a chance to clean out my car after sleeping in it for now

Feb 17, 2024 3:17:07 PM Me

A week now

Feb 17, 2024 3:17:40 PM Me

Also, I’m not sure how to approach Jenica. Should I reach out to her, or let her come to me? I did text her after we got off the phone but wondering what your take is

Feb 17, 2024 3:19:34 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Hum - what do you want from the relationship? How did the call end - friendly or angsty? Did she text back?

Feb 17, 2024 3:18:12 PM +13038752587

Organization is good - let the goal dance I your head without a leading it, while you do the task at hand.

Feb 17, 2024 3:18:31 PM Me

Let the gold dance in my head? What goal?

Feb 17, 2024 3:19:34 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Hum - what do you want from the relationship? How did the call end - friendly or angsty? Did she text back?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 3:19:57 PM Me

Angsty She didn’t text back

Feb 17, 2024 3:27:53 PM Me

I want to be with her and see where things go.

Feb 17, 2024 3:28:02 PM Me

She’s worth it

Feb 17, 2024 3:49:02 PM +13038752587

Did she tell you what she expect in a partner

Feb 17, 2024 3:57:10 PM Me

Yes

Feb 17, 2024 3:58:47 PM Me

She got triggered because she couldn’t get a hold of me last night (fell asleep) and this morning (woke up early and got to work) she tried to call but phone was in WORK mode. No calls. That trigger opened up the door

Feb 17, 2024 4:00:40 PM Me

My situation is triggering to her. She says she always gets involved with guys that have some aspect of their lives not together. I happen to be the nicest guy she’s ever met, but the job in the apartment thing sucks. I’ve asked for patience, but what else can I do?

Feb 17, 2024 4:01:11 PM Me

She’s sick of finding guys and then there’s something not complete

Feb 17, 2024 4:01:58 PM Me

I want to send her the screen capture of some thing I saw this morning. I would like your take on it before I send it to her. I’m not sure if I see anything triggering in what it says, but I have no idea what my trigger her.

Feb 17, 2024 4:02:16 PM +13038752587

Ok

Feb 17, 2024 4:13:07 PM Me

Feb 17, 2024 4:13:29 PM Me

The owner of the storage place stopped by and we were chatting for about 10 minutes. Sorry for the delay, but I’d appreciate what you think of that graphic and what it says.

Feb 17, 2024 4:14:18 PM Me

I do feel those sentiments exactly

Feb 17, 2024 4:15:59 PM +13038752587

It’s powerful - how would you present it

Feb 17, 2024 4:19:38 PM Me

I would simply say I saw this this morning, and it made me think of you and us

Feb 17, 2024 4:19:57 PM Me

And that I wanted to share it with you because I feel the sentiments in it. Does that sound OK?

Feb 17, 2024 4:27:36 PM Me

?

Feb 17, 2024 4:27:51 PM +13038752587

Yes

Feb 17, 2024 4:29:08 PM Me

Ok

Feb 17, 2024 5:43:54 PM Me

Today was to be our valentine’s celebration. We had reservations for “sip and paint” and then tickets to Porno for Pyros. She said she wants to take care of her self. She’s feeling very hurt

Feb 17, 2024 5:45:05 PM Me

It’s a big rejection and it hurts. I was looking forward to this night 😢😢😢

Feb 17, 2024 5:48:09 PM +13038752587

Did you speak with her again

Feb 17, 2024 5:48:25 PM Me

No not since this morning

Feb 17, 2024 5:48:33 PM Me

No reply to my texts

Feb 17, 2024 5:48:42 PM +13038752587

Did you apologize for going off the grid

Feb 17, 2024 5:49:01 PM Me

Yes. Multiple times.

Feb 17, 2024 5:49:15 PM Me

At a loss

Feb 17, 2024 5:49:45 PM Me

What to do? Call? Drive to her house and talk in person?

Feb 17, 2024 5:50:02 PM Me

Be quiet until she reaches out?

Feb 17, 2024 5:50:24 PM +13038752587

When was the last time you spoke to her before today

Feb 17, 2024 5:50:25 PM Me

Would be very strange, not to speak with her tonight

Feb 17, 2024 5:50:34 PM Me

Last night

Feb 17, 2024 5:50:58 PM Me

She had her boys with her. Asked if she could call back

Feb 17, 2024 5:51:02 PM +13038752587

And did you make a time to meet today

Feb 17, 2024 5:51:05 PM Me

Was asleep when she did

Feb 17, 2024 5:51:11 PM Me

No

Feb 17, 2024 5:51:58 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

So you had plans for tonight but no set time to meet up?

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Feb 17, 2024 5:52:36 PM ⇲ Me

She had an event beforehand with friends and she’s off doing that

Feb 17, 2024 5:53:27 PM ⇲ Me

We were supposed to go out together all day. And it became about something else

Feb 17, 2024 5:53:34 PM ⇲ Me

Sux

Feb 17, 2024 5:53:46 PM ⇲ Me

Feel more alone than ever

Feb 17, 2024 5:52:01 PM Me

That’s what we were supposed to talk about when I called her this morning and she went off on not be able to connect when she reaches out

Feb 17, 2024 5:52:24 PM +13038752587

What time did she call back

Feb 17, 2024 5:52:27 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Last night

Feb 17, 2024 5:52:47 PM ⇲ Me

10pm

Feb 17, 2024 5:52:36 PM ⇱ Me

She had an event beforehand with friends and she’s off doing that
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 5:52:47 PM ⇱ Me

10pm
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 5:53:27 PM ⇱ Me

We were supposed to go out together all day. And it became about something else
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 5:53:34 PM ⇱ Me

Sux
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 5:53:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

So, that’s reasonable to be asleep, interesting you did not check your phone when you woke up? Just an observation

Feb 17, 2024 5:54:49 PM ⇲ Me

Saw she texted and was expecting to connect this am. I was up early so I didn’t bug her so she could sleep. She’s been complaining about being tired

Feb 17, 2024 5:53:46 PM ⇱ Me

Feel more alone than ever
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 5:54:49 PM ⇱ Me

Saw she texted and was expecting to connect this am. I was up early so I didn’t bug her so she could sleep. She’s been complaining about being tired
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 17, 2024 5:55:40 PM Me

Sent her this after we talked

Feb 17, 2024 5:55:42 PM Me

I’m sorry I’ve upset you and hurt you because of my actions and inactions—truly and deeply sorry. 💕

Feb 17, 2024 5:55:57 PM Me

ps. phone is fixed. there was indeed an issue that’s resolved now. Sorry for the frustrations

Feb 17, 2024 5:56:42 PM Me

—- It’s weird because it’s like I’m being ghosted HARD

Feb 17, 2024 5:56:59 PM Me

So fucking sad

Feb 17, 2024 5:57:39 PM Me

I have to feel, I don’t want to get to not feeling and sometimes feels like I’m already there

Feb 17, 2024 5:58:03 PM Me

And I also feel like no one understands me.

Feb 17, 2024 5:58:31 PM Me

We could still go to the concert but not sure what to do

Feb 17, 2024 5:58:36 PM Me

Thoughts??

Feb 17, 2024 6:01:07 PM Me

??

Feb 17, 2024 6:02:55 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 25 seconds) +13038752587

What time is the sip and paint

Feb 17, 2024 6:04:31 PM Me

That’s now

Feb 17, 2024 6:04:33 PM Me

5

Feb 17, 2024 6:05:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok - hum tough call - when’s the concert

Feb 17, 2024 6:06:01 PM Me

8

Feb 17, 2024 6:06:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

So, what do you want to do

Feb 17, 2024 6:06:38 PM Me

I want to go see her and go to the concert

Feb 17, 2024 6:06:50 PM Me

No idea what she wants

Feb 17, 2024 6:06:59 PM +13038752587

So, go get a card and a flower 🌺

Feb 17, 2024 6:07:27 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Give me 10m - bbs

Feb 17, 2024 6:07:36 PM Me

K

Feb 17, 2024 6:18:57 PM Me

Dark is coming. I’m going to get depressed, ugh

Feb 17, 2024 7:36:09 PM Me

Feb 17, 2024 7:36:26 PM Me

Wish me luck. 🍀 I’m at her house. Don’t know if she’s home. I’ll let you know

Feb 17, 2024 7:41:17 PM Me

She isn’t home

Feb 17, 2024 7:41:30 PM Me

Just texted her Hi, I came by to apologize in person. You said you would be home later so I took a chance and hoped that I would find you here. I’m sorry I missed you. ❤️ Bert

Feb 17, 2024 7:41:43 PM Me

Feb 17, 2024 7:41:57 PM Me

Should I call her ? Or wait??

Feb 17, 2024 7:42:46 PM Me

Dude. This hurts my heart badly.

Feb 17, 2024 7:43:29 PM Me

I’m off to use WiFi at Starbucks and finish signing up for the delivery services

Feb 17, 2024 7:43:51 PM Me

This just fucking hurts a lot like a lot a lot a super a lot

Feb 17, 2024 7:46:48 PM Me

Calling you when I get to the Starbucks in Park

Feb 17, 2024 8:06:06 PM +13038752587

Great job! Dropping off tge fliwers and nice text message.

Feb 17, 2024 8:08:31 PM +13038752587

I feel you. I’ve felt that way before. I suggest keeping a positive mindset. No negative future stories. You made your move, now you have to wait.

Feb 17, 2024 8:10:43 PM +13038752587

Keep up the action taking. Let me know how things go tomorrow

Feb 17, 2024 8:11:11 PM +13038752587

Lots of love and a big virtual hug

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Feb 17, 2024 8:29:36 PM Me

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Feb 17, 2024 8:57:19 PM +13038752587

Heading to bed

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Feb 17, 2024 9:00:53 PM Me

Ok

Feb 17, 2024 9:00:59 PM Me

She replied

Feb 17, 2024 9:01:08 PM Me

I’ll share more tomorrow

Feb 18, 2024 8:29:24 AM Me

Hi

Feb 18, 2024 8:31:22 AM +13038752587

Hello

Feb 18, 2024 8:49:55 AM Me

Hey

Feb 18, 2024 8:50:54 AM Me

Going to talk with Jenica this morning.

Feb 18, 2024 9:17:42 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

When

Feb 18, 2024 9:58:34 AM Me

Im headed there now

Feb 18, 2024 9:58:39 AM Me

Why?

Feb 18, 2024 9:58:49 AM +13038752587

Cool 😎

Feb 18, 2024 9:59:28 AM Me

I just got off the phone with my mom, and now headed to talk with her and square things up so we both know where things are at. And then I will probably go DoorDash in Ojai if possible.

Feb 18, 2024 9:59:44 AM Me

See if I can do a few deliveries and see how it goes

Feb 18, 2024 9:59:53 AM Me

I’ll let you know how things go.

Feb 18, 2024 10:00:20 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like a great plan

Feb 18, 2024 11:28:58 AM Me

Just done talking with Jenica. I think it went well. We’re apart for now. i’m going to work to get my feet on the ground and as I said to her once I have that, I’ll see if you’re single. and she said back to me it’s likely that I will be. 😍 She is very particular about the partner that she wants in her life. She is done fucking around with eggheads

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Feb 18, 2024 11:29:14 AM Me

headed up to Ojai now to see if I can do any GrubHub or DoorDash

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Feb 18, 2024 10:48:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey there. Wondering if there is anything more to do on Loveland? I’m available if you need me. Like you said. You can take on more work by offloading it to me. I enjoyed doing that project and using AI.

Feb 19, 2024 8:33:38 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Thoughts, do you think it is better for SEO to have a Loveland address, versus some other town

Feb 19, 2024 8:34:05 AM Me

I would believe so

Feb 19, 2024 8:34:09 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll be in the hotel from 9-3 my time - training

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Feb 19, 2024 8:34:13 AM Me

Good morning

Feb 19, 2024 8:34:21 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 🌞

Feb 19, 2024 8:34:52 AM Me

Spotify

Feb 19, 2024 8:35:16 AM ⇲ Me

Great tune, listen

Feb 19, 2024 8:35:37 AM ⇲ Me

He says mo fo

Feb 19, 2024 8:34:52 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll have two meeting’s this afternoon, which may bring in more work

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Feb 19, 2024 8:35:16 AM ⇱ Me

Great tune, listen
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 19, 2024 8:35:37 AM ⇱ Me

He says mo fo
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 19, 2024 8:35:55 AM Me

Use it for waking up

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Feb 19, 2024 8:52:45 AM Me

Feb 19, 2024 10:24:15 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Good Seth Today:

Feb 19, 2024 10:24:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Seth's Blog

Feb 19, 2024 10:25:21 AM Me

And Powerful Morning Coffee with Bhante Sujatha: Few see your suffering, few see your pain. Few see your stress, but all see your mistakes.

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Feb 19, 2024 10:28:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

EU-Startups

Feb 19, 2024 11:10:38 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

May be of interest:

Feb 19, 2024 11:10:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://careers.breef.com/role/agency-community-lead?utm_source=others&utm_medium=paidsocial&utm_campaign=02_prospecting_leadgen_lc_abo_2.2.2024&utm_content=photo_dwyl_lp-getstarted_%20923341699795639&utm_term=dsl_b2b-marketing-decision%20makers_lead_22%20_mf_autop

Feb 19, 2024 12:18:54 PM Me

Whoa:

Feb 19, 2024 12:18:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ChatGPT

Feb 19, 2024 12:19:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ChatGPT

Feb 19, 2024 12:19:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ChatGPT

Feb 19, 2024 12:19:21 PM Me

ChatGPT

Feb 19, 2024 12:19:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ChatGPT

Feb 19, 2024 1:04:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hope day is going well. Off to see if I can do some deliveries and eat some lunch. Ping me about the projects.

Feb 20, 2024 10:36:57 AM Me

Hey 👋

Feb 20, 2024 10:37:01 AM Me

Good morning ☀️

Feb 20, 2024 10:37:17 AM Me

How goes things?

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Feb 20, 2024 11:16:45 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

—

Feb 20, 2024 11:16:47 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Groq is the lightening fast innovation that could give ChatGPT a run for its money Comparison of Groq vs other AI models powered by GPUs. Source: Groq. While others are trying to get ahead by designing better AI models, a relatively unknown startup called Groq has surprised everyone by designing an AI chip that allegedly runs a lot faster than anything else out there. Groq (not to be confused with Elon Musk’s Grok) is a new type of processor that can run applications like AI models at supposedly lightening fast speeds. We couldn’t believe all the hype on social media so we went to the website to give it a spin, and we gotta say, it’s pretty darn fast. For a rough technical comparison to ChatGPT, Grok generates roughly 500 tokens per second, whereas ChatGPT-3.5 generates around 40 tokens per second. A token is a unit of information, like a word or number, that AI models process to generate responses. Groq claims that it’s built a “Language Processing Unit,“ which it says is faster than traditional graphics processing units (GPUs) that power most major AI models, like the one behind ChatGPT. The move could signal a new generation of chips built specifically for AI workloads. GPUs behind many of today’s major AI models were originally built to handle computer graphics and video games. A new generation of chips may prove to be a more powerful alternative. As the race to capture the rapidly growing generative AI market heats up, Groq’s new chips could spurn new competitors to major model makers like OpenAI, as well as chip manufacturers like Nvidia.

Feb 20, 2024 11:17:33 AM Me

https://groq.com/

Feb 20, 2024 11:18:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dude. Holy shit. Try it. SOOOOOO fast.

Feb 20, 2024 12:02:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Let me know about those projects you mentioned. Wondering what’s up?

Feb 20, 2024 12:13:31 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

I will - heard about it a few weeks back as a new chip maker - but did not look into it

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Feb 20, 2024 12:15:35 PM Me

I’m estimating a discovery phase for my client right now. Could I ask you to give it a look 👀 before I send his way? I’ll have $$$ amounts in there and want to make sure I’m not too high/low based on my deliverables

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Feb 20, 2024 12:18:22 PM Me

Thx

Feb 20, 2024 12:18:53 PM Me

I have a head hunter trying to get me in front of Microsoft

Feb 20, 2024 12:19:08 PM Me

I gave them permission to represent me

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Feb 20, 2024 12:19:18 PM Me

😜

Feb 20, 2024 2:11:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just shared the estimate with you.

Feb 20, 2024 2:11:33 PM Me

Headed to Ventura to DoorDash now into the dinner hours.

Feb 20, 2024 2:11:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll be on texts

Feb 20, 2024 2:12:26 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Headed to hotel - I’ll check when I get home

Feb 20, 2024 2:13:17 PM Me

Ok

Feb 20, 2024 2:13:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Already put 5 hours in on computer today

Feb 20, 2024 2:13:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, text ya later

Feb 20, 2024 5:53:56 PM Me

Hola, in Ventura Dashing and Ubering right now.

Feb 20, 2024 5:54:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Share some things I found:

Feb 20, 2024 5:54:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://destiny.xyz/

Feb 20, 2024 5:54:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The Destiny Tech100 will be an exchange-listed portfolio of 100 of the top private tech companies. Current holdings include SpaceX, OpenAI, Discord, and Stripe. Anyone can invest through a brokerage account when the fund lists on the New York Stock Exchange in March, under the ticker DXYZ. Sign up here to claim your free share before it lists.

Feb 21, 2024 7:15:12 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s chat briefly about app proposal

Feb 21, 2024 7:15:34 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll have time around 9am PST

Feb 21, 2024 8:30:59 AM Me

Ok

Feb 21, 2024 8:31:15 AM Me

Just up here

Feb 21, 2024 8:31:21 AM Me

G morning

Feb 21, 2024 12:03:06 PM Me

Here’s my spreadsheet. With a 20% padding I come in at $7500

Feb 21, 2024 12:03:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feb 21, 2024 12:03:49 PM Me

Actually that’s 10% pad

Feb 21, 2024 12:20:11 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

OK, it’s all set. I just need to put the totals in there. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1A1VXhHZLPKmATHwJCGOJiPe08FYWb3c8HD2hAt6bjYE/edit?usp=sharing Let me know what you think.

Feb 21, 2024 12:28:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Once I have your feedback I am going to let it go to Greg.

Feb 21, 2024 12:28:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know when you can.

Feb 21, 2024 12:43:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m off to charge my car so I can get to delivering. Hoping to get to my car payment today… maybe we’ll see.

Feb 21, 2024 12:56:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just had to pay my adobe subscription $60 or I can’t use the tools 😟

Feb 21, 2024 12:56:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Going to make some money now

Feb 21, 2024 12:59:21 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

The money is flowing again. - keep going it will attract more

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Feb 21, 2024 12:59:41 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Off to hotel for a few hours

Feb 21, 2024 1:00:04 PM Me

Is my estimate OK?

Feb 21, 2024 1:00:29 PM Me

I’d like to see if I can get this signed and deposited by Friday

Feb 21, 2024 1:28:38 PM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Review now

Feb 21, 2024 1:38:57 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Remove this highlighted area

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Feb 21, 2024 1:39:59 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Re-word this to state a smooth transition to the development/build stage

Feb 21, 2024 2:36:19 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) ⇲ Me

Finally, the Documentation Phase includes delivering all items listed under the “Deliverable” column in the table below and completing this project. I package all the files together—those that are digital assets, like logos and graphics—and share all documentation written in the cloud so they have access to all documents and the ability to comment and ask questions. I’ll be notified whenever someone comments, and I’ll reply. You will have access to all of this.

Feb 21, 2024 1:40:59 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Add time to competitive analysis 5 hours

Feb 21, 2024 1:42:09 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Require a 10% deposit/retainer to commence agreement then you can bill hourly

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Feb 21, 2024 2:36:19 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) ⇱ Me

Finally, the Documentation Phase includes delivering all items listed under the “Deliverable” column in the table below and completing this project. I package all the files together—those that are digital assets, like logos and graphics—and share all documentation written in the cloud so they have access to all documents and the ability to comment and ask questions. I’ll be notified whenever someone comments, and I’ll reply. You will have access to all of this.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 21, 2024 3:56:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

How is this??

Feb 21, 2024 3:56:28 PM Me

Just below estimate number. In friendly BLUE, and the start amount in friendly GREEN instead of black.

Feb 21, 2024 4:10:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OK, going to send his way.

Feb 21, 2024 4:10:34 PM Me

Using Docusign to sign it.

Feb 21, 2024 7:22:26 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Cool.

Feb 22, 2024 10:17:23 AM Me

Hola.

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Feb 22, 2024 10:17:32 AM Me

Is everything ok where you’re at?

Feb 22, 2024 10:17:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anything seem weird this morning

Feb 22, 2024 10:47:52 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Ground control….

Feb 22, 2024 10:47:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is Major Tom…

Feb 22, 2024 10:55:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Had a word feeling I woke up in another dimension, a parallel universe. I felt it last week too. Was a strange feeling.

Feb 22, 2024 10:56:24 AM Me

Anyhow, I am about to head into Ventura for a day of DoorDashing. Feeling very tired. I may take a nap this afternoon. Last thing I want to do is get sick while living in the car.

Feb 22, 2024 10:59:01 AM Me

I have a case of mold in the car too. It’s from all the rain getting through small cracks opened on the windows. Anyhow did some research online and discovered that some vinegar or baking soda with water in a spray bottle will take care of it. I simultaneously learned that if you have “water stains” on auto upholstery its from the salt and minerals in the water. Use the Vinegar and water combo. The vinegar dissolves the salt and you can wipe with a cloth to dry

Feb 22, 2024 10:59:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Last bit. Going to create my own GPT. Was reading here:

Feb 22, 2024 10:59:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://help.openai.com/en/articles/8554397-creating-a-gpt

Feb 22, 2024 10:59:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ping me later when you have a moment. heads up — I may be dashing

Feb 22, 2024 11:01:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oh, I think you will like this. I’m going to use it for this project with Greg assuming he green lights it.

Feb 22, 2024 11:01:28 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Mule Design

Feb 22, 2024 11:10:21 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also this is a good article:

Feb 22, 2024 11:10:22 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

https://jakobnielsenphd.substack.com/p/multi-craft-specialized-content

Feb 22, 2024 11:11:17 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Meetings this morning - preparing to next one now

Feb 22, 2024 4:15:38 PM ⇲ Me

How did things go?

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Feb 22, 2024 4:16:39 PM ⇲ Me

Taking break

Feb 22, 2024 4:17:20 PM ⇲ Me

Eating, shopping 4 food, recharging car. Made $75 during lunch

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Feb 22, 2024 11:58:26 AM Me

Cool

Feb 22, 2024 11:58:35 AM Me

Estimate sent and I wait. Off to Ventura now

Feb 22, 2024 4:15:38 PM ⇱ Me

How did things go?

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 22, 2024 4:16:39 PM ⇱ Me

Taking break
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 22, 2024 4:17:20 PM ⇱ Me

Eating, shopping 4 food, recharging car. Made $75 during lunch

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 22, 2024 4:17:57 PM Me

Going to hustle between 4 and 6 PM and then head to darts so I have time to warm up for a first dart at 7 PM

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Feb 23, 2024 8:53:04 AM Me

Hey

Feb 23, 2024 8:53:43 AM Me

Minutes into being awake and overwhelmed with emotions

Feb 23, 2024 8:53:55 AM Me

Shit morning

Feb 23, 2024 8:54:10 AM Me

Hope you’re doing well

Feb 23, 2024 10:13:00 AM Me

Yo

Feb 23, 2024 10:13:11 AM Me

For whatever reason, this morning is bringing it. Weeping moments after waking up. A disassociated drive up to Ojai. Feeling incredible gratitude and nearly weeping because my laundry was still in the dryer at the public laundry.🧺 Now, I'm sitting inside Starbucks, and I’m the only person sitting inside with the crew at almost 9 am in the morning. I’m witnessing a beehive of activity churning out hot and cold caffeinated concoctions of various sizes in service to a line of vehicles in a race to the bottom of an oil barrel. It’s incredible when you get still enough… You can see the distractions humans create to unconsciously distract themselves from deeper realities with deeper meaning. I can see the difference in the faces walking in to pick up their mobile app order sent while burning fossil fuels to get here. Some sad, Some angry, Some zombies, Many insecurities, And a whole panoply of people are numb to the fact, That this—living human—experience ends at some precise point and moment in time. And this simple fact alone can make one’s subconscious do all it can to avoid the inevitable truth. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming already in progress…….

Feb 23, 2024 10:14:04 AM Me

Let me know two things.

Feb 23, 2024 10:14:25 AM Me

1. How go your distractions?

Feb 23, 2024 10:14:40 AM Me

2. How did your meetings go?

Feb 23, 2024 10:26:17 AM Me

I’m going to go offline for about 10 minutes. Meditation, and working towards getting grounded. I am feeling frazzled and exhausted. Looking forward to the day when waking up and being alive doesn’t trigger the mind down a hall of mirrors it’s familiar with, fear, anxiety, dread, deafening solitude, and a sense of what happened to get me to this fucked up point in my own “journey” or story made up in my mind.

Feb 23, 2024 10:26:42 AM Me

K, back after these messages 💬

Feb 23, 2024 10:32:10 AM Me

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Feb 23, 2024 10:33:05 AM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Building a minimum demo for ai voice solution, worked 12 hrs last night been up 28 hrs, then taking nap before kids get home.

Feb 23, 2024 10:33:29 AM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

Great observation at Starbucks

Feb 23, 2024 10:33:48 AM Me

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Word

Feb 23, 2024 10:34:27 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Going silent for a bit- ttyl

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Feb 23, 2024 10:34:34 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Have a great day

Feb 23, 2024 11:39:49 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://jakobnielsenphd.substack.com/p/multi-craft-specialized-content

Feb 23, 2024 11:40:15 AM Me

Going to play around with some voice AI today. If I get it working how I think I’ll share it.

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Feb 23, 2024 3:59:24 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

ChatGPT

Feb 23, 2024 3:59:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Not mine

Feb 23, 2024 3:59:31 PM Me

But interesting

Feb 23, 2024 3:59:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Makes me think of Neo downloading how to fly a helicopter in the Matrix

Feb 23, 2024 4:00:42 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it out

Feb 23, 2024 4:00:49 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Getting on a call

Feb 23, 2024 4:50:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, heading up to campus to grab Weston and get out on teh trail before sundown.

Feb 23, 2024 4:51:02 PM Me

How goes your day?

Feb 23, 2024 4:51:14 PM Me

I have a monster tension headache I’ve had all day.

Feb 23, 2024 4:51:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Gave myself permission to work on the computer all day. I MIGHT dash later. See how I feel. Right now Feel RUNDOWN.

Feb 23, 2024 4:52:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Trying to honor how I feel instead of being BULLHEADED and just forging ahead without allowing decompression to happen.

Feb 23, 2024 8:52:03 PM Me

https://www.brendandell.com/freelance-formula-2

Feb 23, 2024 8:52:03 PM Me

Wonder your thoughts

Feb 23, 2024 8:53:22 PM Me

Instagram

Feb 23, 2024 9:11:51 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

I feel tired 😴 long day yesterday into to day. I did nap for 2 hours not much sleep for 38 hrs. Off to bed. I’ll check out the link in the morning

Feb 23, 2024 9:44:22 PM Me

ChatGPT

Feb 23, 2024 11:26:06 PM Me

YouTube

Feb 24, 2024 10:58:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey Darrell dont know if you saw in my channel you’re in with my parents, but my prospective client Greg DocuSigned my estimate for $6,600.00

Feb 24, 2024 10:58:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😜

Feb 24, 2024 11:00:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Stoked because I’ll send him my Venmo information or PayPal business account and get my 10% deposit, 660.00 That pays the car and more. With the Dashing money I have - my car - storage - US BackTax bill - car insurance

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Feb 24, 2024 12:30:58 PM Me

Yo, how are you doing?

Feb 24, 2024 12:32:56 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Good off to kid time

Feb 24, 2024 12:33:01 PM Me

K

Feb 24, 2024 12:33:13 PM Me

Need any digital help anywhere?

Feb 24, 2024 12:33:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Online until about 2:30

Feb 24, 2024 12:33:23 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Listen to this very early test

Feb 24, 2024 12:34:02 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Feb 24, 2024 12:37:11 PM Me

What is this a test of?

Feb 24, 2024 12:39:33 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Voice concierge project hopefully

Feb 24, 2024 12:40:06 PM Me

Ok. Ill check it out.

Feb 24, 2024 12:44:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There are a couple of longer, uncomfortable pauses between when you respond and it picks up again. She also seems long winded in some sections. A bit robotic too. Maybe shorten some of that delivery back to the user, and get more interaction.

Feb 24, 2024 12:45:07 PM +13038752587

Yes indeed

Feb 24, 2024 12:45:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I like how its started however. How did you get that voice?

Feb 24, 2024 12:52:05 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

It’s part of a saas - actually pulls in from Amazon Polly

Feb 24, 2024 12:52:34 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Will use 11 labs most like in future versions

Feb 24, 2024 2:41:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Invoice sent to client.

Feb 24, 2024 2:41:20 PM Me

Gave him PayPal or Venmo

Feb 24, 2024 2:48:04 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Just fed UX Builder GPT my approved project proposal and said. My target deadline is X, take this proposal and provide me with a chronological to do list broken down by area, and this is what I got.

Feb 24, 2024 2:48:33 PM Me

### Week 1: March 4 - March 10 - **Research Phase Initiation** - User Research: Conduct stakeholder and user interviews, and/or surveys. - Due Date: March 6 - Competitive Analysis: Analyze competitors' products. - Due Date: March 8 - Heuristic Evaluation: Evaluate current product against UX best practices. - Due Date: March 10 ### Week 2: March 11 - March 17 - **Information Architecture Development** - Content Audit: Review and organize existing content. - Due Date: March 13 - Site Map Creation: Visual representation of software structure. - Due Date: March 15 - User Flows Mapping: Map out user journeys within the software. - Due Date: March 17 ### Week 3: March 18 - March 24 - **Continuation of Information Architecture** - Accessibility Audit: Evaluate software's accessibility. - Due Date: March 20 - **Beginning of Wireframes and Prototyping** - Sketching: Create low-fidelity wireframes. - Due Date: March 22 - Prototyping: Start building an interactive prototype. - Due Date: March 24 ### Week 4: March 25 - March 31 - **Continuation of Wireframes and Prototyping** - Continue Prototyping: Refine interactive prototype. - Due Date: March 27 - Usability Testing: Conduct tests with real users. - Due Date: March 29 - Analytics Review: Analyze existing user data. - Due Date: March 31 ### Week 5: April 1 - April 7 - **Design Phase** - Visual Design: Create high-fidelity designs. - Due Date: April 3 - Asset Creation: Prepare design assets for development. - Due Date: April 5 ### Week 6: April 8 - April 14 - **Documentation** - Design Documentation: Document design decisions and specifications. - Due Date: April 10 - Development Documentation: Create a comprehensive "blueprint" for development. - Due Date: April 12 ### Final Week: April 15 - **Project Review and Final Adjustments** - Review all deliverables and make any necessary adjustments. - Final Submission: April 15 This schedule aims to distribute the workload evenly, ensuring that each phase is given adequate time for completion while allowing for some flexibility in case of unforeseen delays or adjustments. Each week focuses on specific milestones, ensuring a structured and focused approach to the project, leading to a comprehensive and thoughtful delivery by the target completion date.\

Feb 24, 2024 2:48:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Total game changer for me.

Feb 24, 2024 2:48:54 PM Me

This is the part of the work that would take me FOREVER and cause me SO MUCH FRUSTRATION

Feb 24, 2024 2:49:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its kinda easy when you know what the hell you’re asking for

Feb 24, 2024 2:49:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wow - so cool.

Feb 25, 2024 9:21:38 AM Me

Hola, Happy Sunday.

Feb 25, 2024 9:21:55 AM Me

I went out and had some beers with Jenica last night. But did not spend the night.

Feb 25, 2024 9:22:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It was great to connect with her. Had not seen her in a week. She’s shared that she’s dealing with stuff she’s working thru and that its not me, but I’m part of it.

Feb 25, 2024 9:23:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, long story short. We both agree that we are each not in the ideal place we want to be, but I need to get grounded _ ie apartment _ before we can get hot and heavy again.

Feb 25, 2024 9:30:04 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Feb 25, 2024 9:30:40 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

That’s good to hear.

Feb 25, 2024 9:35:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good Seth today:

Feb 25, 2024 9:35:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Seth's Blog

Feb 25, 2024 9:35:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Short

Feb 25, 2024 9:36:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Might be some things of interest here:

Feb 25, 2024 9:36:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.philipwallage.com/freelancer-tools

Feb 25, 2024 4:26:54 PM Me

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I personally like this cropping 😁

Feb 26, 2024 11:34:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola, how goes Monday?

Feb 26, 2024 11:34:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good Bhante today:

Feb 26, 2024 11:34:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

People change, feelings dry out, friends go away; triumph prevails, success abounds, and romance appears endless. Lovers become strangers, friends become enemies, and victory absent. Our lives flow amid all these, and we must learn to move happily with them if we intend to experience peace.

Feb 26, 2024 1:42:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You ok out there??

Feb 26, 2024 3:04:33 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Hola - been sleeping a bit - the overnights will take some adjusting

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Feb 26, 2024 3:05:13 PM Me

Ah, ok Makes total sense

Feb 26, 2024 3:06:50 PM Me

FYI Jenica wants to see me later today. I’ll keep you posted

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Feb 26, 2024 5:15:01 PM Me

I’m on my way to her place now. Honestly I am quite apprehensive. However, if she were to tell me, she can’t do it, I would be fine with that. I am super confident. I’m going to find someone that clicks. It’s not if it's when, and actually it could be her. Who knows?

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Feb 26, 2024 9:44:29 PM Me

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Feb 26, 2024 10:36:28 PM Me

We had a nice, simple fun time tonight. Basic date stuff. It was perfect

Feb 26, 2024 10:37:51 PM Me

I dream of having an apartment blocks from the ocean and inviting her over as long as she likes.

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Feb 27, 2024 10:22:05 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

HOLA

Feb 27, 2024 10:22:10 AM Me

How goes your Tuesday?

Feb 27, 2024 10:22:15 AM Me

How does time shifting go?

Feb 27, 2024 10:22:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Saw this:

Feb 27, 2024 10:22:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Comeback Kid: Bitcoin just hit a two-year high after crossing the $57,000 price mark.

Feb 27, 2024 10:27:44 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 32 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It will hit 100

Feb 27, 2024 10:29:06 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I let Don know to buy it at 3k I didn’t have the funds. - he thought it was to speculative

Feb 27, 2024 10:29:46 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Oh well - AI is the next opportunity and maybe last one fir a long while to see big returns

Feb 27, 2024 10:22:24 AM Me

Fuck

Feb 27, 2024 10:23:08 AM Me

This, mmm

Feb 27, 2024 10:23:11 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.spinach.io/

Feb 27, 2024 10:42:44 AM (Read by you after 30 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Is this the one you used

Feb 27, 2024 10:26:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Gemini

Feb 27, 2024 10:26:22 AM Me

Advanced for $20 a month.

Feb 27, 2024 10:26:37 AM Me

Once its considered better than ChatGPT I may jump

Feb 27, 2024 10:27:44 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 32 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It will hit 100
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 27, 2024 10:29:06 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I let Don know to buy it at 3k I didn’t have the funds. - he thought it was to speculative
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 27, 2024 10:29:22 AM Me

Woe

Feb 27, 2024 10:29:24 AM Me

Wow

Feb 27, 2024 10:29:46 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Oh well - AI is the next opportunity and maybe last one fir a long while to see big returns
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 27, 2024 10:29:56 AM Me

3 to 56 I'd Personally kick Myself in the ass

Feb 27, 2024 10:30:23 AM Me

More than 15x

Feb 27, 2024 10:30:40 AM Me

Dream investment

Feb 27, 2024 10:30:44 AM +13038752587

I first though about it at 1800

Feb 27, 2024 10:32:00 AM +13038752587

I let it go, hurts to much to think about it 😭😢

Feb 27, 2024 10:32:06 AM Me

Right

Feb 27, 2024 10:32:15 AM Me

How is ur sleep?

Feb 27, 2024 10:32:42 AM Me

Circadian rhythm

Feb 27, 2024 10:32:50 AM +13038752587

Need to get some - up 50 hrs on 6 hrs ish sleep

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Feb 27, 2024 10:37:29 AM Me

K, been staring at screen for 1 hour solid. Need to get pomodoro timer going.

Feb 27, 2024 10:37:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I get impacted by long stretches than I ever have.

Feb 27, 2024 10:37:46 AM Me

Old fucker

Feb 27, 2024 10:42:44 AM (Read by you after 30 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Is this the one you used
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 27, 2024 10:43:19 AM Me

Yes

Feb 27, 2024 10:43:57 AM Me

Playing with it but it’s too comprehensive for my project. Meaning it’s an 800 pound gorilla for a project with two people, it would be well suited for three or more.

Feb 27, 2024 10:44:35 AM Me

I would’ve loved to of had that when I was working on Southern auto auction with Arden Logic. Our team was 15 people and it was hard to take notes and keep focused on the discussion.

Feb 27, 2024 10:45:03 AM Me

I knew I was missing shit and it was getting by me. And it was really annoying and I couldn’t ask to stop the meeting so I can take notes and make 15 people sit around.

Feb 27, 2024 10:54:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You’ve seen this?

Feb 27, 2024 10:54:24 AM Me

https://openai.com/sora

Feb 27, 2024 10:58:17 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - not available yet to the public

Feb 27, 2024 10:58:27 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Pretty maxing tool

Feb 27, 2024 10:58:32 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Amazing

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Feb 27, 2024 10:55:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here is my list in Notion. I’ve been adding to it every day:

Feb 27, 2024 10:55:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Feb 27, 2024 10:55:58 AM Me

Lots of AI tools

Feb 27, 2024 10:58:17 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - not available yet to the public
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 27, 2024 10:58:27 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Pretty maxing tool
This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 27, 2024 10:58:32 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Amazing

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Feb 27, 2024 11:00:39 AM Me

Game changer

Feb 27, 2024 11:01:17 AM Me

I'm waiting for virtual stars, music and movies Non human, but look human

Feb 27, 2024 10:51:00 PM Me

Apple cancels its electric car project

Feb 27, 2024 10:51:03 PM Me

NPR

Feb 28, 2024 9:22:28 AM Me

Hola

Feb 28, 2024 11:12:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How goes Wednesday?

Feb 28, 2024 11:17:19 AM Me

I’m deep into the application for the Website Manager role with the State of CA. It’s a fucking long-ass application. Asks a specific question, then says, Give me a paragraph about this at Work—how many hours have you done this? Give a paragraph of specific work examples where this happened? Checkboxes of which work place this took place at so they can contact reference and confirm? How did this show up in your college course work, how many credits did you earn in this area? and name what classes did you take? How many hours of training have you done related to this specific thing? List all your class titles that are relevant to this, and give us the name of someone who can verify this. Now do this for 15 questions….

Feb 28, 2024 1:53:50 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Wow!

Feb 28, 2024 2:06:03 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Just finished.

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Feb 28, 2024 2:06:04 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Think it took about 4-5 hours to complete

Feb 28, 2024 2:06:11 PM Me

That alone weeds out the posers

Feb 28, 2024 2:36:19 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Feb 28, 2024 3:45:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dude, you alive?

Feb 28, 2024 3:46:45 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

On a call

Feb 28, 2024 3:50:34 PM Me

🤣

Feb 28, 2024 3:50:34 PM Me

Ok

Feb 28, 2024 4:43:13 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Been going a lot / had to get some sleep today. Probably a little nap before next 10hr shift.

Feb 28, 2024 4:43:50 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

How’s the project going? How’s dashing going?

Feb 28, 2024 5:39:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Project is good. Check it out latest here:

Feb 28, 2024 5:39:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Feb 28, 2024 5:39:52 PM Me

Updates are still happening

Feb 28, 2024 5:49:42 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Check out the user persona section.

Feb 28, 2024 5:49:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had Dall E create avatars based on the user persona

Feb 28, 2024 5:49:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

They look good

Feb 28, 2024 6:19:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

8 hours on laptop today. Applying to CA state Email processing Notion Audio Notes Auto Transcription setup ( I record and when I hit finish, it takes my file and shows up as notes and action items in notion — fucking brilliant — stoked

Feb 28, 2024 6:19:34 PM Me

And just now finishing up UXR work.

Feb 28, 2024 6:19:43 PM Me

Time to go dash until 7

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Feb 28, 2024 6:29:59 PM +13038752587

I’ll check things out tonight

Feb 29, 2024 9:21:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have a chance to look things over last night?

Feb 29, 2024 9:22:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, I have a text design for my “neurodivergent” tee shirt. Idea based off Radioheads “in rainbows” album cover.

Feb 29, 2024 9:22:28 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Feb 29, 2024 9:22:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feb 29, 2024 9:23:36 AM Me

To me it says — we’re not all the same divergence. I love it 😊

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Feb 29, 2024 9:23:51 AM Me

Ok, off to my never search alone meeting. Time for more art later

Feb 29, 2024 6:10:42 PM Me

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Word

Mar 01, 2024 9:00:57 AM Me

Hola

Mar 01, 2024 9:00:57 AM Me

its Friday

Mar 01, 2024 11:26:39 AM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Mar 01, 2024 11:45:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey, would love your thoughts on this PDF. It’s a different model for doing the type of work we do — pitching ‘intensive’s’. Let me know what you think.

Mar 01, 2024 11:45:35 AM (Read by them after 26 seconds) Me

Click to download NO_BS_Blueprint_to30k_Months-22.pdf (1.84 MB)

Mar 01, 2024 1:33:12 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Be stationary in 30 m - look 👀 th n

Mar 01, 2024 1:35:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Mar 01, 2024 1:46:10 PM Me

Dood This is BIG Did you know this??

Mar 01, 2024 1:46:14 PM (Read by them after 35 seconds) Me

https://help.openai.com/en/articles/8988022-winding-down-the-chatgpt-plugins-beta

Mar 01, 2024 1:46:20 PM (Read by them after 29 seconds) Me

Losing access

Mar 01, 2024 2:06:21 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Suspected it - now with gpts doing what the plugins did

Mar 01, 2024 2:07:05 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

A lot of plugins have already moved to being a gtps

Mar 03, 2024 5:19:25 PM Me

Please don’t let Don know I shared this but he came at me fairly in solo channel and you can see what I started in the screen capture. Sometimes people hit a nerve and I write a stream of consciousness like this —— Because I’m homeless living in my car, unemployed, and still in divorce no man’s land having spent any money I ever saved. I own no land, stock or anything. I’ve been living on the edge of falling out of society so I’m busy working door dash and Uber eats, sleeping in my eGolf. Why does someone like me who paid into the unemployment insurance system for decades become ineligible now because I’m a 1099? Fuck the Psycho Right-Wing Capitalist Fascist Industrial War Death Machine already. Hat tip to GNOD Also, “Well, Americans don't care for much of anything Land and water the least And animal life is low on the totem pole With human life not worth more than infected yeast Americans don't care too much for beauty They'll shit in a river, dump battery acid in a stream They'll watch dead rats wash up on the beach Complain if they can't swim They say things are done for the majority Don't believe the half of what you see and none of what you hear It's like what my painter friend Donald said to me "Stick a fork in their ass and turn 'em over, they're done"” Lou Reed Last Great American Whale

Mar 03, 2024 5:22:00 PM Me

That sums up my feelings nicely towards the money machines allowed to kill people pay a fine and continue biz as usual, let Alone the shit we don't know we don't know So clandestine 🤯 Anyhow, I need to go throw darts and do some art

Mar 03, 2024 5:22:56 PM Me

Ps. Watch “the Octopus” on Netflix. Adults only. You will ♥️ it

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Mar 03, 2024 5:23:08 PM Me

Promise

Mar 03, 2024 5:52:01 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry to hear you and Don got political. He can be ruthless in his pursuit to prove his point of view. I suggest not to engage with him about politics. His beliefs run deep. And like many of us, it is hard to shift ones beliefs. We can only see what supports our beliefs.

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Mar 03, 2024 5:52:23 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Darts and arts. I like it

Mar 03, 2024 6:27:40 PM Me

Spotify

Mar 05, 2024 9:01:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola

Mar 05, 2024 9:01:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How are you today?

Mar 05, 2024 9:01:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How goes things?

Mar 05, 2024 9:01:44 AM Me

How is life treating you?

Mar 05, 2024 9:05:40 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

👋

Mar 05, 2024 9:05:48 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Good - 😴

Mar 05, 2024 9:06:03 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Adjusting to nights

Mar 05, 2024 9:06:19 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Life is good 👍

Mar 05, 2024 9:06:32 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

How about you?

Mar 05, 2024 9:06:52 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

How’s the project going?

Mar 05, 2024 9:11:14 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Off to bed 🛌- I’ll check in when I wake up

Mar 05, 2024 9:40:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Mar 05, 2024 9:40:48 AM Me

Claud dropped today. Says it can beat ChatGPT4

Mar 05, 2024 9:40:49 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.anthropic.com/news/claude-3-family?utm_source=www.superhuman.ai&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=anthropic-releases-latest-version-of-claude-claims-it-beats-gpt-4

Mar 05, 2024 4:08:58 PM Me

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Hahaha

Mar 05, 2024 6:19:11 PM Me

I'll share my work to date on software project tonight

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Mar 05, 2024 6:19:22 PM Me

Would ♥️ your feedback

Mar 06, 2024 9:06:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

G’morning

Mar 06, 2024 9:07:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Notice and be grateful when the path becomes difficult to tread. Troubles are so, because we have named them troubles.” — Morning Coffee with Bhante Sujatha

Mar 06, 2024 12:51:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Howdy.

Mar 06, 2024 12:52:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here is the link to my competitive research for this project.

Mar 06, 2024 12:52:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Mar 06, 2024 12:52:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know what you think. Note commenting is turned on FOR THE CLIENT.

Mar 06, 2024 12:52:45 PM Me

Send comments to me, DONT POST pretty please

Mar 07, 2024 9:45:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola

Mar 07, 2024 9:46:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling disassociated from life today. Feeling like things are taking far too long for me to produce anything

Mar 07, 2024 10:04:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling really fucked over today

Mar 07, 2024 2:03:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey

Mar 07, 2024 2:05:03 PM Me

I went in and did ALOT of editing and rewriting of my AM I article. I am ready to publish. Grammarly is happy, and so am I. However it would be good to have another human read this over and let me know what you think. PRetty Please? Could you do it asap? Would like to get this published.

Mar 07, 2024 2:05:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Google Docs

Mar 07, 2024 2:05:16 PM Me

You can comment status in teh document

Mar 07, 2024 8:53:53 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I like it. The comments are good suggestions.

Mar 07, 2024 2:05:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

GRAZIE!!

Mar 07, 2024 2:23:11 PM Me

Building a life I love from the life I lost. Fell into my head

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Mar 07, 2024 4:07:19 PM Me

Spotify

Mar 07, 2024 8:33:17 PM Me

Mar 07, 2024 8:53:53 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I like it. The comments are good suggestions.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 07, 2024 10:04:57 PM Me

Cool. Doooooood!!! We just came back down 1-0 and won 2-1 in doubles 501. I checked out on 15 Single 5, double 5 Won second game with that on third dart! Third game I had 12 left and checked out on double 6 on second dart! Magic Darts!!! Fuck yeah!!! 🎯

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Mar 08, 2024 12:24:03 AM Me

OMG!! I needed to hit the red bullseye to win our doubles match coming back again down 1-0, I scored great darts and we won the second game. All tied up. This third and final game would decide whether our team wins the entire night, or if the other team wins, we go to a tiebreaker. We play the third game and we did really well. I got down to the last throw and only needed to hit the red bull’s-eye to win the game and win the entire night. I HIT IT!!! But it bounced OUT 😮OMG! The other players took their turns, and my turn came again. All I needed to do was hit the red Bullseye and we win the game. The match and the whole night I throw my dart I hit the red Bullseye FOR A SECOND TIME!! And for a second time it Bounced out AGAIN!!! we ended up in the tiebreaker and lost the entire match

Mar 08, 2024 12:24:36 AM Me

😡🤬😭

Mar 08, 2024 11:14:55 AM Me

Hola

Mar 08, 2024 11:15:19 AM Me

Feeling shit today Mentally Physically feel ok

Mar 08, 2024 11:18:07 AM Me

I’m upset. I’m just tired of where I am. I’m tired of working and feeling like I’m getting no where and that I’m truly worthless. Not of value for work or love.

Mar 08, 2024 11:18:47 AM Me

Emailing the therapist today. Need to get on her schedule

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Mar 08, 2024 12:16:14 PM +13038752587

That’s a great. Sorry you are feeling low. Let me know when you are scheduled.

Mar 08, 2024 12:16:22 PM Me

Ok

Mar 08, 2024 12:16:36 PM Me

Todays Jenica’s birthday

Mar 08, 2024 12:18:53 PM Me

And I already screwed up. I drove back to Ojai this morning after sleeping in car in Vta. Was supposed to meet her in Oxnard and bring her coffee. I woke up thinking about losing darts and was on autopilot It’s the little things and they mean so much

Mar 08, 2024 12:19:27 PM Me

Like kerosene on the “feel shit” mode

Mar 08, 2024 12:20:14 PM Me

Just spent 30mins on call with Electrify America about an app error

Mar 08, 2024 12:20:57 PM +13038752587

Ok - you want an ear. Or an earful 😀

Mar 08, 2024 12:21:31 PM Me

Not sure how to read that

Mar 08, 2024 12:22:05 PM Me

Need to get out of my head

Mar 08, 2024 12:22:33 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Fuck yeah

Mar 08, 2024 12:22:38 PM ⇲ +13038752587

😍

Mar 08, 2024 12:22:13 PM +13038752587

Some on to listen or someone to call it as it is

Mar 08, 2024 12:22:33 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Fuck yeah
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 08, 2024 12:22:38 PM ⇱ +13038752587

😍
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 08, 2024 12:22:58 PM Me

Beating my head against the wall

Mar 08, 2024 12:23:26 PM +13038752587

So here’s an in between

Mar 08, 2024 12:23:28 PM Me

I wasn’t an hour into the day and I was ready for tomorrow

Mar 08, 2024 12:23:37 PM Me

Common theme for me

Mar 08, 2024 12:24:04 PM Me

Been feeling super sensitive and triggered

Mar 08, 2024 12:25:26 PM +13038752587

Too much emphasis on the unimportant 🎯 No enough on the important (you) Look at things right now. You have two streams of income. What’s the next step to improve things for you?

Mar 08, 2024 12:26:06 PM Me

Working the JSC and finding the big gig

Mar 08, 2024 12:26:08 PM +13038752587

Therapist said she a great step and then…

Mar 08, 2024 12:26:26 PM +13038752587

Ok not what o type exactly

Mar 08, 2024 12:26:28 PM Me

Not sure I follow the therapist comment

Mar 08, 2024 12:26:56 PM +13038752587

Getting into therapy- great step

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Mar 08, 2024 12:28:55 PM +13038752587

How much income do you have coming in weekly?

Mar 08, 2024 12:29:58 PM +13038752587

BBS

Mar 08, 2024 12:30:04 PM Me

K

Mar 08, 2024 12:30:29 PM Me

Weekly is variable depending on how much driving I do.

Mar 08, 2024 12:30:54 PM Me

I am working to wrap up this initial phase today, the heuristic evaluation, and then going to invoice for the next chunk of the app discovery

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Mar 08, 2024 2:27:23 PM Me

So electrify America took $50 out of my account but said the transactions didn’t go thru Now I have $15 for Jenica’s birthday tonight.

Mar 08, 2024 2:29:31 PM Me

One thing after another today for me

Mar 08, 2024 2:47:47 PM +13038752587

Confused / who is electrifying America?

Mar 08, 2024 2:48:01 PM Me

Car charger company

Mar 08, 2024 2:48:28 PM Me

Had issues with app this morning

Mar 08, 2024 2:49:02 PM +13038752587

They refuse to refund do to error on their side?

Mar 08, 2024 2:49:15 PM Me

Been on hold 30 mins

Mar 08, 2024 2:49:28 PM Me

Error their side

Mar 08, 2024 2:51:03 PM Me

Trying to dry clothes so I have something to wear

Mar 08, 2024 2:51:48 PM Me

Just want to go hide away

Mar 08, 2024 2:52:04 PM Me

Feel so bad

Mar 08, 2024 3:03:56 PM +13038752587

What time are you going to meet her

Mar 08, 2024 3:04:08 PM Me

5pm

Mar 08, 2024 3:04:18 PM Me

Still on hold 45 mins

Mar 08, 2024 3:04:22 PM Me

Ridiculous

Mar 08, 2024 3:05:03 PM Me

Don’t have enough to buy beer to cry into

Mar 08, 2024 3:05:07 PM Me

Haha

Mar 08, 2024 3:05:17 PM +13038752587

For sure - especially in the times we live in - a proper tech solution could have resolved the issue in 5m

Mar 08, 2024 3:06:01 PM Me

First door dash fucking with me and now this. Ugh

Mar 08, 2024 3:06:21 PM +13038752587

What’s up with door dash

Mar 08, 2024 3:06:22 PM Me

I’ve spent over 2 hours on phone with this today

Mar 08, 2024 3:06:38 PM Me

New cc not working

Mar 08, 2024 3:06:47 PM Me

Debit card rather

Mar 08, 2024 3:07:01 PM +13038752587

Did you get it resolved

Mar 08, 2024 3:07:20 PM Me

With DD yes

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Mar 08, 2024 3:07:33 PM Me

EA still on hold

Mar 08, 2024 3:07:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

So do you have DD funds available

Mar 08, 2024 3:07:58 PM Me

$15

Mar 08, 2024 3:08:17 PM Me

EA Ate the rest and it’s on hold

Mar 08, 2024 3:08:34 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have a bank account

Mar 08, 2024 3:08:55 PM Me

Negative 600 $

Mar 08, 2024 3:09:09 PM Me

I have Venmo

Mar 08, 2024 3:09:14 PM Me

And PayPal

Mar 08, 2024 3:09:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

How’s the bank account negative. Stop the overdraft protection

Mar 08, 2024 3:10:03 PM ⇲ Me

Ok

Mar 08, 2024 3:10:10 PM ⇲ Me

Moreshit to do

Mar 08, 2024 3:10:03 PM ⇱ Me

Ok
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 08, 2024 3:10:10 PM ⇱ Me

Moreshit to do
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 08, 2024 3:10:22 PM +13038752587

How much of it is fees

Mar 08, 2024 3:10:34 PM Me

No idea

Mar 08, 2024 3:12:42 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Can you call the debit company and refuse the charges from EA? Usually that frees up the funds immediately while they research it

Mar 08, 2024 3:17:12 PM ⇲ Me

Think I’ll need to do that

Mar 08, 2024 3:13:05 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

If EA charge you in error they will resolve it for you.

Mar 08, 2024 3:17:12 PM ⇱ Me

Think I’ll need to do that
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 08, 2024 3:17:25 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Let me know what happens

Mar 08, 2024 3:17:33 PM Me

Ok

Mar 08, 2024 3:17:44 PM Me

Going to hang up 55 mins

Mar 08, 2024 3:17:47 PM Me

Fuck me

Mar 08, 2024 3:17:53 PM +13038752587

When is you next billing for the project do

Mar 08, 2024 3:18:07 PM Me

This weekend

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Mar 08, 2024 3:18:21 PM +13038752587

Call DD card provider - refuse the charge

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Mar 08, 2024 3:19:02 PM Me

Done folding clothes Going to get first Coffee of the day

Mar 08, 2024 3:19:05 PM +13038752587

Cool - between that and some DD work you will be back in cash flow

Mar 08, 2024 3:19:12 PM Me

That’s how fucked it’s been today

Mar 08, 2024 3:19:28 PM Me

2:30 morning coffee

Mar 08, 2024 3:20:12 PM Me

Guess I’ve had it too easy

Mar 08, 2024 3:20:35 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Time for that to end - “how’s it get better than this” “ what else is possible” Ask those in order and let go

Mar 08, 2024 3:21:01 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Let me know what the DD card folks say

Mar 08, 2024 3:36:09 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I have to sit on the phone waiting for DD too.

Mar 08, 2024 3:36:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just called

Mar 08, 2024 3:36:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But I cannot do it just now. Need a break from being on hold.

Mar 08, 2024 5:09:13 PM Me

Been emailing ping pong with EA. They say to talk to door dash. And door dash says the other way. Reminds me of this meme

Mar 08, 2024 5:09:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mar 08, 2024 5:10:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What I did hear from EA is that the money is in a 24-48 hour “hold” and then would be released.

Mar 08, 2024 5:10:58 PM Me

So looks like I’m SOL for the evening. But I’ve been in worse situations. I can drink water and say my stomach is sour, etc — some BS

Mar 08, 2024 5:13:14 PM +13038752587

Will you be dashing this weekend

Mar 08, 2024 5:13:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

All day Sunday. 8am—6:30pm

Mar 08, 2024 5:13:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This sums up how things have felt lately

Mar 08, 2024 5:13:53 PM Me

Mar 08, 2024 5:14:14 PM Me

TWO BOUNCEOUTS on the reddit last night, etc

Mar 08, 2024 5:14:16 PM +13038752587

What up tomorrow

Mar 08, 2024 5:14:28 PM Me

Fucking up this morning, ugh

Mar 08, 2024 5:14:39 PM +13038752587

What are BOUNCEOUTS

Mar 08, 2024 5:16:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

When you HIT the number you want, but when it hits, for some reason only beknowst to the dart gods, it bounces off the board/wire, something and ends up on the ground. What is CLEAR is that you hit the number, everyone sees it, and you throw with enough force for it to go in, no rainbow throws—if you know what I mean.

Mar 08, 2024 5:16:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

When you HIT the number you want, but when it hits, for some reason only beknowst to the dart gods, it bounces off the board/wire, something and ends up on the ground. What is CLEAR is that you hit the number, everyone sees it, and you throw with enough force for it to go in, no rainbow throws—if you know what I mean.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 08, 2024 5:16:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Why do I always get my feet stuck in the super glue of my storyteller mind??

Mar 08, 2024 5:17:07 PM Me

At least I can see and acknowledge it

Mar 08, 2024 5:17:13 PM +13038752587

I saw Reddit- understood

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Mar 08, 2024 5:17:28 PM Me

Dead fucking center

Mar 08, 2024 5:17:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I hit it TWICE

Mar 08, 2024 5:17:48 PM Me

With EVERYONE watching, like 15-20 people

Mar 08, 2024 5:18:30 PM Me

So there was my own pressure, and then the being under the spotlight, big time shot that I need to hit. And I fucking hit it twice!!

Mar 08, 2024 5:18:39 PM Me

Just cruel, like soccer.

Mar 08, 2024 5:18:46 PM Me

Fucking British games

Mar 08, 2024 5:19:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The silver lining is that I know I can deliver the goods under the lights with everyone watching. For me that was a huge win. Next time I’m in that situation, I’ll remember that double reddit 😊

Mar 08, 2024 5:20:03 PM Me

Some fluke of space-time continuum

Mar 08, 2024 5:20:28 PM Me

K, want to wrap up what I’m working on and get on the road to Jenica’s party

Mar 08, 2024 5:21:01 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It’s a bday party? At her house?

Mar 08, 2024 5:21:21 PM Me

No, at a big brewery in Ventura, in the public.

Mar 08, 2024 5:21:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She has big titty balloons that are going to be up

Mar 08, 2024 5:21:42 PM +13038752587

What did you get her?

Mar 08, 2024 5:21:43 PM Me

I’ll send pics

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Mar 08, 2024 5:25:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

At least I have a present for her. A soccer jersey of a very famous Brazilian player nicknamed Kaká, and that is a nickname that only her brother and one cousin call her— Kaka. Its a genuine, new Adidas AC Milan jersey from the 2006-07 season. #22 in gold on the back

￼

Mar 08, 2024 5:25:34 PM Me

It was the season he won the Ballon D’Or for best player in teh world

Mar 08, 2024 5:26:08 PM Me

I showed the boys and they gave it their seal of approval. That means its pretty dope

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Mar 08, 2024 5:26:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Theres a story behind it, that’s why I like it

Mar 08, 2024 5:27:02 PM Me

its that clima cool fabric

Mar 08, 2024 5:27:19 PM Me

sweat wicking and lightweight

Mar 08, 2024 5:32:56 PM Me

Possible for you to front me $50 until Sunday night at latest? Send to Venmo?

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Mar 08, 2024 5:33:20 PM Me

I can likely send it tomorrow once the money comes back

Mar 08, 2024 5:35:46 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get card too? I just watch a clip - he was great

Mar 08, 2024 5:49:15 PM ⇲ Me

I designed her a card made it myself. And wrote a little poem inside. I’ll take a picture because traffic is slow.

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Mar 08, 2024 5:48:23 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Ok have fun tonight

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Mar 08, 2024 6:00:14 PM ⇲ Me

Just want to say thanks for fronting the money. You always have my damn back. You’re too damn good to me.

Mar 08, 2024 5:49:15 PM ⇱ Me

I designed her a card made it myself. And wrote a little poem inside. I’ll take a picture because traffic is slow.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 08, 2024 5:49:35 PM Me

Mar 08, 2024 5:50:09 PM Me

Mar 08, 2024 6:00:14 PM ⇱ Me

Just want to say thanks for fronting the money. You always have my damn back. You’re too damn good to me.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 09, 2024 9:58:24 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

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Mar 09, 2024 10:42:37 AM Me

They’re great

Mar 10, 2024 10:22:46 AM Me

How goes things?

Mar 10, 2024 10:31:35 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 1 minute, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Good - Barry’s here - leaving today

Mar 10, 2024 11:43:19 AM Me

Busy times I’m sure

Mar 10, 2024 11:43:39 AM Me

Been door dashing since 9am

Mar 10, 2024 11:47:24 AM Me

Feeling down. Feeling a large sense of failure. Feeling rejection from my kids Been texting Aidan for a month and no response. Feeling incredibly isolated and feel like an outcast and outsider to society and culture. Have never really felt like I’ve belonged, to anything or anyone really

Mar 10, 2024 11:47:45 AM Me

Feeling dissociated again

Mar 10, 2024 11:48:15 AM Me

In fact I feel that more than not every day and week

Mar 10, 2024 11:51:03 AM Me

I feel like I don’t belong anywhere like anywhere I am I shouldn’t be there

Mar 10, 2024 12:19:54 PM Me

Boys are in car with Liz to La for a few days.

Mar 10, 2024 12:20:13 PM Me

Been texting them and unloading some feelings

Mar 10, 2024 12:20:18 PM Me

Like this…

Mar 10, 2024 12:20:21 PM Me

For everyone else, life is largely the same. You are all in the same place doing the same things and seeing the same people except for me. I’ve been treated extremely poorly by your mother She failed to live up to her obligations to me. She would rather kick me out of the house and move on with her life, then sit and have a conversation with me. She phoned in our break up. She is dishonorable, she is untrustworthy, And I have absolutely zero respect or anything nice to say about her. In my life, she is evil, uncaring, and extremely SELF-CENTERED. There I've said it

Mar 10, 2024 3:37:40 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Did you send this to the boys?

Mar 10, 2024 12:21:12 PM Me

Feeling so wronged today

Mar 10, 2024 1:39:12 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 59 seconds) Me

Darragh was offered admittance to CU Boulder!

Mar 10, 2024 3:37:40 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Did you send this to the boys?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 10, 2024 3:38:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No

Mar 10, 2024 3:38:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

but it had to come out of me.

Mar 10, 2024 3:38:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have plans for riffs like this.

Mar 10, 2024 3:38:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m seeing how far back I can go getting our text threads.

Mar 10, 2024 3:39:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I wrote some crazy shit

Mar 10, 2024 3:39:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been dating for 5.5 hours and Car only has 15 miles on it. Waiting for Venmo transfer so I can put $10 into the car and dash the rest of the day.

Mar 10, 2024 3:40:39 PM Me

But I am tired as hell. Would be nice to work more on the project and finish heuristics today. Then I can send a report and an invoice as the first 25% of the project is done.

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Mar 10, 2024 3:41:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

✅ User Personas ✅ Competitive Apps Analysis (who are existing players?) Heuristic Evaluation Report - 40% done

Mar 10, 2024 3:42:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Love using Notion. I know how far along I am on things as long as I have to-dos listed it calculates % done

Mar 10, 2024 3:42:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have you trolled through the entire document? I have a web link, lmk

Mar 10, 2024 3:43:19 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Not all of it - like what I saw though

Mar 10, 2024 3:43:17 PM Me

Also, is it more advantageous to call it a day with door dash and finish the heuristics?

Mar 10, 2024 3:43:19 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Not all of it - like what I saw though
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 10, 2024 3:43:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Or keep dashing?

Mar 10, 2024 3:43:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Need perspective outside my head

Mar 10, 2024 3:43:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I could probably have it wrapped up in 4-5 hours

Mar 10, 2024 3:43:53 PM +13038752587

Is Sunday keep you busy all day

Mar 10, 2024 3:44:17 PM Me

I can dash until 6:30 I’m scheduled.

Mar 10, 2024 3:44:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But also waiting for money to move, and I just saw that it did. OK

Mar 10, 2024 3:44:54 PM Me

Let me know what you think about which to do

Mar 10, 2024 3:45:00 PM Me

Going to go over and hook up and charge

Mar 10, 2024 3:45:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Then check back fire your reply

Mar 10, 2024 3:47:35 PM Me

Fuck, DoorDash logged me out and now I can’t get back in for 630. Oh well I guess the universe has decided what I’m doing right now. OK I will email you an update on the project. Otherwise ping me when you can.

Mar 10, 2024 3:55:12 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Why can’t you get back in? How’s it work?

Mar 10, 2024 3:58:54 PM Me

Too hard to explain by text

Mar 10, 2024 3:59:46 PM Me

Queuing system with reserved dashing times based on ratings delivery’s and acceptance rate’s

Mar 10, 2024 4:00:50 PM Me

So once you drop off early from a dash, that time is “on the market” and people can instantly take whatever time they want that’s left

Mar 10, 2024 4:01:28 PM Me

So, like me, by time I got back in only one hour from 3.5 Is left

Mar 10, 2024 4:01:46 PM Me

Someone else took my spot

Mar 10, 2024 4:01:52 PM Me

Make sense?

Mar 10, 2024 4:03:45 PM Me

So I’ve called it a day on dashing, moving around and driving all that much as you know doing UPS has a weird way of making you tired. So for the remain car charging which is gonna take about 35 minutes I’m gonna do a 10 minute meditation and a 20 minute nap binaural beat brain reboot thingy on YouTube and then head to Starbucks get a coffee and go full steam ahead on finishing the heuristic evaluation.

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Mar 10, 2024 4:04:50 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Send my the reboot link please

Mar 10, 2024 4:05:18 PM Me

Will do

Mar 10, 2024 4:05:44 PM Me

I’ve used it for years. And with good headphones, preferably ones that go over the year, possibly noise canceling if you can in a quiet room this video never fails.

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Mar 10, 2024 4:06:21 PM Me

YouTube

Mar 10, 2024 4:06:47 PM Me

Apple in ear headphones will work too. But over the year work best. You definitely need headphones for this to work.

Mar 10, 2024 5:20:12 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 11 seconds) Me

I’m fully engaged in doing a heuristic evaluation of every competitive product we profiled previously. I’ve downloaded all of them and screen captured teh entire onboarding process. I am using the help of AI to upload each onboarding process and have it assess the entire process against this:

Mar 10, 2024 5:20:12 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 14 seconds) Me

Design Principles

Mar 10, 2024 5:20:26 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes) Me

Here is what I’m asking.

Mar 10, 2024 5:23:34 PM (Read by them after 26 seconds) Me

Hypotheses 1. There will be opportunities for supporting new users in ways current applications do not. 2. Most applications will score poorly overall. — Goals Discover if any applications miss on one or more of the heuristic principles. Discover if each application supports heuristics. Rank them in order of support in a table that can help us measure one applications performance against another—clearly. — Research Questions Does the application support each heuristic? Which heuristics are missed by all current applications? If they do score poorly, where is that specifically in the onboarding process? What step or screen presents the issue(s)?

Mar 10, 2024 5:26:04 PM (Read by them after 26 seconds) Me

This will allow us to identify areas of improvement, and allow us to design the best hypothetical onboarding process against all competitive products. Less steps. Less intrusive initially. Quicker to “let me play with it” When I share my figma file you will see all six onboarding processes in a linear presentation top to bottom

Mar 10, 2024 6:28:15 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - awesomeness

Mar 10, 2024 9:08:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there

Mar 10, 2024 9:08:45 PM +13038752587

Just getting to work - give me 30 to reply

Mar 10, 2024 9:08:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here’s. Link to my work so far on the entire project. If you see ways to make this more digestible please let me know

Mar 10, 2024 9:08:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Mar 10, 2024 10:28:03 PM Me

It says you have notification silence but I wanted to ask if you’re going to look at that page tonight if you could put any notes in a Google doc, that would be cool. I don’t think there’s a way to put comments on that Notion page. But I could look into a plug-in or something If you could let me know before you go to bed, that would be super cool

Mar 10, 2024 10:29:24 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 13 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be able to look 👀 tonight - bedtime set for 10am tomorrow morning

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Mar 10, 2024 10:30:42 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Hotel schedule- 9pm-7am, drop off for school 8-8:30am, then unwind and sleep 💤 Sunday night through Thursday

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Mar 10, 2024 10:31:06 PM Me

Actually 👎

Mar 10, 2024 10:31:10 PM Me

Haha

Mar 10, 2024 10:31:23 PM Me

Just be careful

Mar 10, 2024 10:31:32 PM Me

🧛‍♂️

Mar 10, 2024 10:31:36 PM Me

🦇

Mar 10, 2024 10:31:46 PM Me

😂🤣

Mar 10, 2024 10:32:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

🧟‍♂️

Mar 10, 2024 10:32:20 PM Me

Haha zombie

Mar 10, 2024 10:33:28 PM Me

At storage and going to squeeze in a couple of games of Bob’s 27. I can explain it to you sometime.

Mar 11, 2024 8:04:50 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 3 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

The work is very detailed 😀

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Mar 11, 2024 9:09:32 AM Me

With AIs help I’m able to dig deeper and find out more from the information I gather. The ability to see patterns is crazy

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Mar 11, 2024 10:09:53 AM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep 💤

Mar 11, 2024 10:10:41 AM Me

Cool

Mar 11, 2024 10:10:56 AM Me

I suddenly had a feeling that I’m doing th wrong thing

Mar 11, 2024 10:11:06 AM Me

Like chasing after a UX job

Mar 11, 2024 10:11:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

weird

Mar 11, 2024 10:12:27 AM Me

Ran into this today. I know it would interest you

Mar 11, 2024 10:12:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Google Docs

Mar 11, 2024 2:35:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Check out the documentation now from my project. I’m creating all this in Notion and it turns it into a web page AUTOMAGICALLY and doesn’t share my todos etc with client 😊

Mar 11, 2024 2:35:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Mar 11, 2024 3:14:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Let me know what you think about what I have so far. Heuristics goes DEEEEP, but I needed to learn from those other applications.

Mar 11, 2024 3:15:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Link to Figma file for the screen captures of each apps onboarding process. https://www.figma.com/file/xx4ThTxhmhW00H20MwPDwQ/Heuristic-Evaluation?type=design&node-id=0%3A1&mode=design&t=QOuRQ98Cp0J9fbUc-1 Yes, I installed each application and took every single one of those. I go to work like Kool Moe Dee.

Mar 11, 2024 3:15:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Figma

Mar 11, 2024 6:42:51 PM Me

Me and Jenica at her 44th. She’s an amazing person.

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Mar 12, 2024 3:48:34 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry to hear about Sallie 🙁.

Mar 12, 2024 4:11:34 PM Me

Thanks 🙏

Mar 12, 2024 4:12:05 PM Me

I’m very saddened but not weeping

Mar 12, 2024 10:12:18 PM Me

How are you? You’re working I presume

Mar 12, 2024 10:33:09 PM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Good - a bit sleepy 🥱- I don’t sleep solid in daylight hours

Mar 12, 2024 10:34:33 PM ⇲ Me

It makes a lot of sense and I imagine that daylight savings jumping time around doesn’t fucking help either. Just sidenote, I am tired from the change and I have a pretty flexible fucking schedule.

Mar 12, 2024 10:33:27 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Yes at work

Mar 12, 2024 10:33:34 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

How are you?

Mar 12, 2024 10:33:55 PM Me

So so

Mar 12, 2024 10:34:33 PM ⇱ Me

It makes a lot of sense and I imagine that daylight savings jumping time around doesn’t fucking help either. Just sidenote, I am tired from the change and I have a pretty flexible fucking schedule.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 13, 2024 10:13:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey yo

Mar 13, 2024 10:13:15 AM Me

You asleep?

Mar 13, 2024 12:23:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Thoughts??

Mar 13, 2024 2:14:46 PM +13038752587 unsent a message.

Mar 13, 2024 2:15:45 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Who is your target market? How do you structure your offer?

Mar 13, 2024 2:25:00 PM Me

good questions

Mar 14, 2024 9:58:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Target Market would be Family or Independently Owned business that DO NOT have an in house designer, or design team, OR they have minimal and their workload is more ambitious than they can handle. Membership is 2 levels: Standard OR Pro Standard — $4,995/m What's included: One request / project at a time Average 48 hour delivery Unlimited brands Agile development Unlimited stock photos Unlimited users Pause or cancel anytime PRO — $7,995/m Double the requests. What's included: Two requests / projects at a time Average 48 hour delivery Unlimited brands Webflow development Unlimited stock photos Unlimited users Pause or cancel anytime Its the DesignJoy model.

Mar 14, 2024 9:59:03 AM Me

You and I could do this and make $$$

Mar 14, 2024 10:01:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You run Biz Dev and Ops, I manage Designers we outsource to and do design myself.

Mar 14, 2024 10:01:41 AM Me

Looks like DesignJoy builds on this:

Mar 14, 2024 6:55:28 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

What do you think about Webflow.

Mar 14, 2024 10:01:43 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://webflow.com/

Mar 14, 2024 12:40:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

NVIDIA CEO's advice to students is so spot on: "People with high expectations have low resilience, and resilience matters in success... I don't know how to teach it to you except for, 'I hope suffering happens to you'... greatness comes from character & character... is formed out of people who suffered...I wish upon you ample doses of pain & suffering"- Jensen Huang

Mar 14, 2024 6:55:28 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 52 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

What do you think about Webflow.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2024 12:49:49 AM Me

It looks similar to other web platforms at first glance. As in you can build websites on it like squarespace or Wordpress.com Right??

Mar 15, 2024 12:51:19 AM Me

Doooood You must / watch listen to this guy who was in CIA. Applies his skills in business in interesting ways. Perception vs perspective

Mar 15, 2024 12:51:26 AM Me

https://youtu.be/QVVe2rCHtN0?si=ZHGFosVf_thya7JU

Mar 15, 2024 10:57:28 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Too funny - I just watched this 3 days ago. Loved it.

Mar 15, 2024 9:12:19 AM Me

Happy Friday

Mar 15, 2024 9:12:36 AM Me

At Starbucks working already

Mar 15, 2024 9:13:07 AM Me

How are you?

Mar 15, 2024 9:13:26 AM Me

My team lost at darts 🎯 last night, sucked

Mar 15, 2024 9:35:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just saw this post. You will like this exercise and its timely for both of us.

Mar 15, 2024 9:35:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://yearofmentalhealth.substack.com/p/grading-your-future-self

Mar 15, 2024 9:42:17 AM Me

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Mar 15, 2024 10:57:28 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Too funny - I just watched this 3 days ago. Loved it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 15, 2024 10:59:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Knew you would. The mind fuck shit is right up your alley 🤣🤣🤣

Mar 15, 2024 6:40:23 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

I told Sarah about Darragh getting into Boulder et al She started asking why those three schools. What does he want to study?

Mar 15, 2024 7:09:06 PM Me

There are three or more he's still waiting to hear from, one being skidmore

Mar 15, 2024 7:26:21 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 11 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

What is he interested in learning

Mar 16, 2024 1:09:35 PM Me

Unsure

Mar 16, 2024 1:09:55 PM Me

Happy Saturday If happiness is your thing

Mar 16, 2024 1:10:20 PM Me

Perception vs Perspective

Mar 16, 2024 1:10:51 PM Me

Every time I get into a story in my head I think about that CIA interview

Mar 16, 2024 1:11:47 PM Me

Feeling incredible amounts of anxiety past 2-3 days. I haven’t felt it this intense in a very, very long time.

Mar 16, 2024 1:13:03 PM Me

I had Jenica tell me this morning that I kept her up for a good portion of the evening because I was swinging my arms and kicking and doing all kinds of shit while I was sleeping and then I was mumbling as if I was having a full on conversation with somebody and it went on for a long time. Makes me realize why I’m so fucking tired all these years. I’m living an entirely another life in my subconscious. I wake up exhausted every day because I’m busy living some motherfucking life I don’t even have a conscious awareness of fucking kicking moving I mean Jesus.

Mar 16, 2024 1:13:32 PM Me

How the fuck I’m still capable of not falling off into some kind of permanent mental illness is beyond me

Mar 16, 2024 1:19:54 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

A thought 💭 Your subconscious is battlefield- reconciliation of the old version of you with the new version of you. Continue to power the new version in your conscious mind.

Mar 16, 2024 1:20:36 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

This will empower the new version or you in your subconscious

Mar 16, 2024 6:05:15 PM Me

Feeling completely isolated yet surrounded by people

Mar 16, 2024 6:16:54 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Is he top of a soccer goal only 7ft

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Questioned by Me

Mar 18, 2024 10:33:59 AM Me

Hey there, how are you?

Mar 18, 2024 10:35:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m feeling worn down today. Feeling deep fatigue with living in the car, and deep fatigue with life

Mar 18, 2024 10:36:45 AM Me

In 5 weeks I’ll have been treading water in my life for a year

Mar 18, 2024 10:37:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feels really weird to have almost a year go by and I’m not linked or connected to something and getting steady work.

Mar 18, 2024 10:39:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My isolationist, low self esteem, and mindset of staying small has led to to not have any kind of professional network. I dont have a deep reservoir of past colleagues I’m in touch with as it appears that every other person on LinkedIn has. (Making up that story)

Mar 18, 2024 10:39:25 AM Me

Anyhow feeling useless today

Mar 18, 2024 10:41:21 AM Me

Sat around all weekend doing nothing and staying away from the computer as a form of bargaining with myself and now I sit here on a Monday morning and I’m failing again. Failing to step up and get work done and push forward. I’m sick of pushing and getting no where.

Mar 18, 2024 10:43:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Need to meditate and reset my brain. Hopefully it works

Mar 18, 2024 2:58:56 PM Me

Meditation helped.

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Mar 18, 2024 2:59:18 PM Me

Had my first meeting for my JSC with Jerry Holden and it was fantastically incredible.

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Mar 18, 2024 5:34:15 PM Me

Dont know when you get up, but let me know when you’re awake 😊

Mar 18, 2024 5:34:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Can share about insights from Jerry

Mar 18, 2024 6:23:41 PM +13038752587

Awake - just had dinner - I have about 10mins now - then time to get ready. I can also talk on my way to work around 8:20 MST

Mar 18, 2024 6:34:55 PM Me

All good. I can share via text. Didn’t know when you’re up

Mar 18, 2024 6:39:57 PM Me

Practice 🎯

Mar 18, 2024 6:40:26 PM Me

Mar 18, 2024 6:40:52 PM Me

If I want to do better have to put in some time

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Mar 18, 2024 6:53:39 PM Me

If I had my touch when I left last May I d be top 15 Instead I’m bottom 10

Mar 18, 2024 6:53:43 PM Me

Brutal

Mar 18, 2024 6:54:07 PM Me

I leave chances for others and I get punished

Mar 18, 2024 6:55:32 PM Me

I need to be better at finishing it off. 90% of the time I have 3/4 chances to close out while they catch up and then get beat to double out

Mar 18, 2024 6:55:56 PM Me

Would be super cool to have you join the league 🤣

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Mar 18, 2024 6:56:09 PM Me

Ppl are cool

Mar 19, 2024 9:10:27 AM Me

Weird start to the day

Mar 19, 2024 9:11:05 AM Me

No money So no coffee today 😞 Sucks

Mar 19, 2024 10:48:16 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Have you been dashing? When do you get your next installment on the project?

Mar 19, 2024 10:48:39 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Was on a call - off to sleep for 5 hrs

Mar 19, 2024 10:49:30 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

I reach out when I wake up.

Mar 19, 2024 11:00:31 AM Me

Found $ for coffee. Dashing later

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Mar 19, 2024 11:01:09 AM +13038752587

Sleep 🛌 time

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Mar 19, 2024 11:03:50 AM Me

All good here Just minor frustrations

Mar 19, 2024 11:04:15 AM Me

I’m ready for the next thing, step, chapter

Mar 20, 2024 10:07:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there. How goes Wednesday? How goes your circadian rhythm switch? Imagine its NOT easy at all. I’m in Ventura today. Working on the App project, but I also want to push on my artwork for the Ojai mountains. It has the potential to turn into t-shirts, stickers, posters, etc. Something a local shop would love to sell, especially the tourists. This is the design I have in mind has appeal to not just the tourists, but locals too.

Mar 20, 2024 10:14:23 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Just getting to sleep for 3.5 hrs before o have pickup Willow. I’m on the intermittent sleep plan 😵‍💫

Mar 20, 2024 10:14:49 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Send over the design

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Mar 21, 2024 8:58:47 AM Me

G’morning Finishing up wireframes today then back on the artwork

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Mar 21, 2024 9:15:14 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Finishing up a few things- then going to sleep 🛌 I’m 15m

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Mar 21, 2024 10:52:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Love this track…

Mar 21, 2024 10:52:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Spotify

Mar 21, 2024 10:59:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Feeling affection is heartwarming, but absorbing into this feeling can create attachment. Those who understand its trappings can release grief and lessen their fears.

Mar 21, 2024 11:30:28 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Good article

Mar 21, 2024 11:30:29 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://yearofmentalhealth.substack.com/p/time-blindness-why-youre-always-late

Mar 21, 2024 2:43:18 PM Me

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Mar 21, 2024 7:17:09 PM Me

Clever marketing going on here in these images. I’m at Ventura brew company and they have something called tap nine where every week they highlight a microbrew from somewhere else in California and you get a card and every time you show up and get one of the tap nine beers you get your card stamped, once you have nine beers or nine weeks, they don’t need to be consecutive. You then get a tap nine glass that you cannot get anywhere else, and it is a cool style glass.

Mar 21, 2024 7:18:47 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - needs to be digital and live in the wallet in your phone. Then they can communicate with you

Mar 21, 2024 7:20:06 PM Me

Parked at the farthest end of surfers point the last car the farthest north on the map and this is my view. I look across the walking path and there’s nothing but sand and then the water and I see at least seven surfers out there

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Mar 21, 2024 7:27:35 PM Me

See my real-time location on Maps:

Mar 21, 2024 7:27:38 PM Me

https://maps.app.goo.gl/UERwioMQtVmGM7Sj7

Mar 22, 2024 9:16:03 AM Me

Hola 👋

Mar 22, 2024 9:16:07 AM Me

Happy Friday

Mar 22, 2024 9:22:50 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋

Mar 22, 2024 9:22:58 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

I’m m a call

Mar 22, 2024 9:23:15 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful scenery yesterday

Mar 22, 2024 9:29:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yeah

Mar 22, 2024 9:33:33 AM Me

Have had 2 meetings with week for my JSC. One with Jerry Holden, one with Derick Perry. Today I meet with Janessa Tames who is a recruiter with a northwest firm specializing in creative placements. Going to pick her brain on my two pager which I think you’ve seen. Would love your feedback on it if possible. What seems right, what’s missing?

Mar 22, 2024 9:33:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Mar 22, 2024 10:02:01 AM Me

Yo:

Mar 22, 2024 10:02:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s finally here! If you’ve been subscribed to this newsletter for long enough, you know how excited we are about Gemini 1.5 Pro, Google’s new AI model that lets you upload entire books, videos, images, and otherwise. It also boasts a memory recall that’s almost perfect, making it the best AI model in theory for extracting accurate details from large files. Here’s how to use it: Go to the AI Studio website Select Gemini 1.5 Pro from the Model menu on the right Attach a file from the Insert menu in the top of the window Type a prompt in the chat and you’re good to go While you can do all the regular stuff here that you can do with other chatbots like ChatGPT, Gemini 1.5 Pro really shines when you upload large files and try to get answers or summaries related to the file. Note: AI Studio can be accessed in most major countries but it’s yet to be rolled out in a small number of locations.

Mar 22, 2024 10:02:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Faistudio.google.com%2Fapp%2F%3Futm_source%3Dwww.superhuman.ai%26utm_medium%3Dnewsletter%26utm_campaign%3Dfirst-neuralink-patient-shows-off-telekinetic-powers&followup=https%3A%2F%2Faistudio.google.com%2Fapp%2F%3Futm_source%3Dwww.superhuman.ai%26utm_medium%3Dnewsletter%26utm_campaign%3Dfirst-neuralink-patient-shows-off-telekinetic-powers&ifkv=ARZ0qKLAOs9vmpgSre9SvCBref3dbXBhPQZ3HQO10tCQMZeCUgwd6ZxSxKVidrY7gwRwNUSc4WDC7A&passive=1209600&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S1577231549%3A1711123344536884

Mar 22, 2024 11:47:22 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Is it better than Claude at summarizing large text files?

Mar 22, 2024 11:47:41 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll read your two pager this afternoon

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Mar 22, 2024 11:47:57 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

New tool - this is a game changer

Mar 22, 2024 11:48:47 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

https://openinterpreter.com/

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Mar 22, 2024 11:49:02 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Watch the video to the end

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Mar 22, 2024 4:33:49 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Cool tool here:

Mar 22, 2024 4:33:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://tally.so/

Mar 24, 2024 10:08:47 AM Me

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Mar 24, 2024 10:31:03 AM Me

How goes your day?

Mar 24, 2024 11:16:44 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

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Mar 24, 2024 8:33:04 PM Me

Mar 25, 2024 9:50:36 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Hope your Monday is going well.

Mar 25, 2024 9:51:57 AM Me

Mine…

Mar 25, 2024 9:52:01 AM Me

Spotify

Mar 25, 2024 9:56:16 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Medium

Mar 25, 2024 9:58:06 AM Me

Spotify

Mar 25, 2024 9:58:11 AM Me

Bigtime Loser vibes today…

Mar 25, 2024 9:58:36 AM Me

BTW, that’s a great version of Loser by the Dead.

Mar 25, 2024 11:05:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Last night I got triggered by not making the dart team. Didnt know that was going to happen. The “I’m not good enough” vibe was dominant and feeling shit today. Despite knowing all of this, I’m still having mind and body go thru the feelings and emotions. Its DOUBLY exhausting

Mar 25, 2024 3:55:59 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

It makes sense that you would feel a bit of a let down. And old patterns would emerge. Let them pass without attachment

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Mar 25, 2024 3:56:36 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Just waking up - getting on a call

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Mar 25, 2024 4:24:39 PM Me

Will share high level wireframes for my clients software project

Mar 25, 2024 4:24:45 PM Me

In Figma

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Mar 26, 2024 3:29:46 PM Me

Hope you’re well. This was good today, or any day That’s why I share

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Mar 26, 2024 3:29:50 PM Me

https://insig.ht/9l50BhF3hIb

Mar 26, 2024 4:05:06 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Wow! Declan is 21!

Mar 26, 2024 4:06:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I saw the text thread earlier- does he drink? Doesn’t CA have a state 🪪- non drivers license?

Mar 26, 2024 5:23:30 PM ⇲ Me

No drinking for him

Mar 26, 2024 4:51:36 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

What’s your bandwidth? Can you do fine tune touches on a website this week?

Mar 26, 2024 5:23:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Yes I can.

Mar 26, 2024 5:23:55 PM ⇲ Me

Doing a prototype now for Last-Known

Mar 26, 2024 5:24:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I have the wireframe ready if you want to see

Mar 26, 2024 5:23:30 PM ⇱ Me

No drinking for him
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 26, 2024 5:23:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Yes I can.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 26, 2024 5:23:55 PM ⇱ Me

Doing a prototype now for Last-Known
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 26, 2024 5:24:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I have the wireframe ready if you want to see
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 26, 2024 5:24:13 PM +13038752587

Yes send it

Mar 26, 2024 5:26:24 PM Me

I first created a 5 minute overview video and sent it to him:

Mar 26, 2024 5:26:24 PM Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM5nFA1DOAo&feature=youtu.be

Mar 26, 2024 5:26:30 PM Me

Then I sent him the Figma link to mess about himself. So he can provide feedback

Mar 26, 2024 5:26:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Figma

Mar 26, 2024 5:27:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The list on the left is the MVP site map that is inside documentation and a product of competitive research. So he’s seen that list already. But, as you can see, once its graphic its an entirely different experience to look at.

Mar 26, 2024 5:28:01 PM +13038752587

Can you email these to me

Mar 26, 2024 5:28:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sure

Mar 26, 2024 5:29:08 PM Me

Done

Mar 26, 2024 5:29:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.” —a passage from Louise Erdrich’s 2005 novel The Painted Drum

Mar 26, 2024 7:29:34 PM Me

I’m very sad tonight. Today’s Declan‘s birthday and I don’t get to see him because Elizabeth gets him. I’m getting rather fed up with her getting the boys on every fucking holiday and every significant day and I always get them some fucking Rando time after.

Mar 26, 2024 7:30:57 PM Me

The reason I can’t see him is because it makes her uncomfortable. All I wanna do is stop by and give him a present. I don’t want to hang out. I’m tempted to ask her if I should make other plans than attending Darragh graduation because it’s going to make her fucking uncomfortable. I’m tempted to stand up in the middle of graduation and say fuck you Elizabeth you kunt and give her two big middle fingers right in the air.

Mar 26, 2024 7:31:11 PM Me

And then finish with a giant suck my dick

Mar 26, 2024 7:31:23 PM Me

Oh wait, that’s right you don’t do that

Mar 26, 2024 7:32:33 PM Me

Dude, I’m more than ready to be the fucking adult in the room, but she is going to be perpetually uncomfortable, so fuck her and the fucking horse she rode in on

Mar 26, 2024 7:33:12 PM Me

She’s gonna have to deal with me being a smart ass. Her family loves being smart asses towards one another so I don’t see what the problem is. She should be absolutely fine with this. I never met was a smart ass tour during our marriage, but I’m gonna be one now, so again, fuck her.

Mar 26, 2024 7:34:11 PM Me

I think I’ve got some fucking mental anguish and pain and suffering since being kicked out of the house last May and being unemployed. She knew I was unemployed before I moved out out of the house yet. She still kicked me out. I am going for fucking damages and pain and suffering. I’m gonna fucking liquidate her

Mar 26, 2024 7:46:28 PM +13038752587

Thought 💭- don’t ask for permission. Say I’m coming by at x time to bring a present and see Declan in his birthday. I understand you don’t want to see me, so if you can stay upstairs or head out for 30m that would be cool

Mar 26, 2024 7:57:48 PM Me

Good suggestion. Did you get my emails with the links to Sigma etc. Let me know.

Mar 26, 2024 7:58:08 PM Me

PS. Are you going to be up all night and super busy busy?

Mar 26, 2024 8:18:45 PM +13038752587

I’ll be up all night. Not super busy. Guardian of the night.

Mar 26, 2024 9:07:09 PM Me

K

Mar 26, 2024 9:07:43 PM Me

At storage and packing up for another night in the car.

Mar 26, 2024 9:08:08 PM Me

I'll reconnect when I'm done moving for the night

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Mar 26, 2024 10:35:12 PM Me

Stationary and wiped out

Mar 26, 2024 10:35:42 PM Me

I did some audio recording today and I will try to put it together shortly on my laptop. It’s part of my audio project idea. I’ll share it with you shortly.

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Mar 27, 2024 8:38:49 AM Me

Mar 27, 2024 8:47:10 AM Me

Fell asleep before getting audio done. I'll send it soon

Mar 27, 2024 8:56:31 AM +13038752587

I’ll check it out when I wake up

Mar 27, 2024 8:56:42 AM +13038752587

Bed time 🥱

Mar 27, 2024 11:57:15 AM Me

Yo my peoples!!

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Mar 27, 2024 12:42:09 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Can you take a look at this when you have time? And provide some feedback?

Mar 27, 2024 12:42:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Mar 28, 2024 3:05:29 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 3 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

The exercise looks like it was productive. Now that you have a clearer picture of what you want, how does this help position you to give an employer what they want? Btw- may have a lead at door dash corporate - design position. I’ll find out more this weekend

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Mar 28, 2024 9:19:11 AM Me

This came out yesterday. In case you didnt see:

Mar 28, 2024 9:19:13 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

TechCrunch

Mar 28, 2024 3:12:36 PM Me

Just done with 2.5 hours of online meetings.

Mar 28, 2024 3:12:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

NSA group. 3, thirty min interviews

Mar 28, 2024 3:13:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Got some good insight

Mar 28, 2024 3:14:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And a brilliant idea from someone in my group. Create a GPT, feed it a bunch of writing that you’ve done, copy/paste it all into one document, feed that to the GPT. Tell it that is your writing and you want it to study your writing style because you are going to ask it to write things and they should sound like this person wrote them.

Mar 28, 2024 3:15:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

He did that, and the cover letters it writes sound exactly like him on first draft. No heavy editing. Going to make one for myself today

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Mar 28, 2024 3:35:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Headed to surfers point to have hard boiled eggs and do some design work in my car

Mar 28, 2024 3:36:07 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 28, 2024 3:36:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Legoland worth

Mar 28, 2024 3:36:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Worthy

Mar 28, 2024 3:36:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

TONS of great insight into HOW and WHERE I might position myself in this market.

Mar 28, 2024 3:36:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Legoland worth
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 28, 2024 3:36:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Worthy
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 28, 2024 3:50:38 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 28, 2024 3:50:58 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 28, 2024 5:43:39 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Mar 28, 2024 5:44:25 PM Me

Wtf are u doing?

Mar 28, 2024 5:45:14 PM +13038752587

In grand junction for a few days- girls spring break

Mar 28, 2024 5:45:35 PM +13038752587

Unfortunately it’s closed. Have to come back in summer

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Mar 28, 2024 11:00:18 PM Me

Just hit the winning shot, double 10, on my first dart to win the tie-breaker tonight. Magic Darts 🎯😁 Won the match for the whole team 😛

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Mar 28, 2024 11:00:31 PM Me

Teammates said I was clutch and walked up there like a boss and just stood there casually and hit it like it ain’t nothing 😁

Mar 28, 2024 11:01:15 PM Me

Btw I'm an alternate if someone else can't go to the tournament

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Mar 28, 2024 11:31:25 PM Me

Mar 29, 2024 10:09:18 AM Me

Going to send this to Darragh after this weeks experience: Hey Darragh I want you to know that I may not be at your graduation or senior night dinner, or anything on graduation weekend. Pretty sure Meme and Abuelo will be there but not me. Your mom can’t be in the same place as me for her reasons so I’ll likely not be there because, well, she always gets her way, always. I’m so sorry but that’s life now. I wanted to communicate this to you as early as possible.

Mar 29, 2024 10:10:58 AM Me

Honestly, I think Elizabeth is totally fucking clueless of what the fuck I’m dealing with, not that she has to give a shit anymore but she’s living in a fucking ivory tower in living her fabulous life. I think she was a bit surprised when I told her, I didn’t have any fucking money to take Declan to In-N-Out for a fucking burger

Mar 29, 2024 10:16:38 AM Me

I haven't felt the desire to be dead this strong since I was in NY

Mar 29, 2024 10:17:04 AM Me

It's full frontal assault on my brain today

Mar 29, 2024 10:17:57 AM Me

I'm tired and I've only been awake an hour. Ready for today to be over

Mar 29, 2024 12:12:04 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t send that

Mar 29, 2024 12:12:55 PM Me

Didnt

Mar 29, 2024 12:13:48 PM +13038752587

When is graduation

Mar 29, 2024 12:14:19 PM Me

Everything is fine

Mar 29, 2024 12:14:31 PM Me

June

Mar 29, 2024 12:14:51 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Your favorite meme

Mar 29, 2024 12:14:58 PM Me

It's me

Mar 29, 2024 12:14:58 PM +13038752587

Can’t text much now - can in a few hours

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Mar 29, 2024 12:15:18 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Send you love and a hug

Mar 29, 2024 1:21:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

thx

Mar 29, 2024 1:22:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have an NSA-JSC meeting at 1pm PST for 30 mins. Then I think I’m going to work on my art. I keep pushing it off for the immediate shit — and its eating at me both conscious and subconscious.

Mar 29, 2024 1:23:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I keep getting “the message” I should be making art and not chasing technology anymore. Its coming from the ether, its that or I’m talking to myself and going mental.

Mar 29, 2024 1:23:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Makes sense, crazy artist dude from California who is homeless and lives by the beach. What a fucking stereotype

Mar 29, 2024 1:23:53 PM Me

Hahahahaha

Mar 29, 2024 1:24:29 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 51 seconds) +13038752587

😆

Mar 29, 2024 1:26:18 PM +13038752587

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Mar 29, 2024 1:26:42 PM Me

Found my emoji for today

Mar 29, 2024 1:26:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

🪫

Mar 29, 2024 1:26:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ppl get that

Mar 30, 2024 11:23:48 AM Me

Hola. This past week was incredibly hard. I've not been able to door dash in over a week and don't have any software project funds. I literally have $0.10 on me, half a bag of popcorn and a half a jar of blueberry 🫐 jelly Being homeless and broke sucks really hard

Mar 30, 2024 11:26:02 AM Me

AmEx and Discover have sent me to collections. Can't pay what I don't have. My credit is now fucked over. But that honestly doesn't bother me it's just fucking annoying

Mar 30, 2024 11:26:53 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Glad it doesn’t bother you.

Mar 30, 2024 11:27:46 AM +13038752587

Why have you not been door dashing. Isn’t it part of your daily schedule? Are you going out today?

Mar 30, 2024 11:28:39 AM ⇲ Me

I can't get on the schedule. All the times are taken and when I look ahead on the schedule everything is taken

Mar 30, 2024 11:28:55 AM ⇲ Me

Doesn't matter time of day

Mar 30, 2024 11:29:11 AM ⇲ Me

And if you're not scheduled you don't work

Mar 30, 2024 11:29:21 AM ⇲ Me

App locks you out

Mar 30, 2024 11:27:52 AM Me

It's stress but not like others who might have a nervous breakdown

Mar 30, 2024 11:28:39 AM ⇱ Me

I can't get on the schedule. All the times are taken and when I look ahead on the schedule everything is taken
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2024 11:28:55 AM ⇱ Me

Doesn't matter time of day
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2024 11:29:11 AM ⇱ Me

And if you're not scheduled you don't work
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2024 11:29:18 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

It’s been conditioned into us to feel bad about debt and defaulting in it But if you look at very successful company founders it is just part of the game.

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Mar 30, 2024 11:29:21 AM ⇱ Me

App locks you out
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2024 11:30:18 AM +13038752587

What about signing up fir Uber eats, grub hub

Mar 30, 2024 11:31:32 AM ⇲ Me

On waitlist for grub hub for 2 months, uber eats I have to update car insurance documents but don't have latest documents

Mar 30, 2024 11:30:21 AM Me

It sucks because it's fucking amazing day out and my head is in a dark cloud

Mar 30, 2024 11:31:32 AM ⇱ Me

On waitlist for grub hub for 2 months, uber eats I have to update car insurance documents but don't have latest documents
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2024 11:32:21 AM Me

Werent in mail yesterday so I guess I’ll try to look online to see if I can get it. Otherwise, I’m just sitting in my car in a parking lot watching the day go by.

Mar 30, 2024 11:32:41 AM Me

Feel Burned out

Mar 30, 2024 11:33:15 AM +13038752587

Go get out into nature - hike or walk on the beach

Mar 30, 2024 11:34:27 AM +13038752587

I’ll have that small website prophecy first you later today/

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Mar 30, 2024 11:36:10 AM ⇲ Me

Ready to work. I do have NSA JSC stuff to do too but just not feeling it

Mar 30, 2024 11:34:42 AM +13038752587

When do you get paid next on app project

Mar 30, 2024 11:34:59 AM Me

Week from Monday

Mar 30, 2024 11:36:10 AM ⇱ Me

Ready to work. I do have NSA JSC stuff to do too but just not feeling it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Mar 30, 2024 11:37:35 AM Me

Noticing that part of me still wants to suffer To inflict more harm

Mar 30, 2024 11:37:59 AM Me

And it never ever goes away. It's always over my shoulder

Mar 30, 2024 11:38:32 AM Me

It feels like It's been there my whole life

Mar 30, 2024 11:40:21 AM Me

By the way, I’ve been working on my audio project and it sounds OK, it needs a little polish but the essence of what I’m after is there. Maybe I will send you a four minute sample later I’m thinking I may do little 3 to 4 minute things like that, I don’t know it seems like they could be interesting or entertaining to someone other than me

Mar 30, 2024 11:41:01 AM Me

Maybe I’ll drive to Ojai with what little battery and rearrange my storage space

Mar 30, 2024 11:43:01 AM Me

So much to do and so little motivation to do anything.

Mar 30, 2024 12:07:12 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

One bite at a time

Mar 30, 2024 12:07:32 PM Me

Haha

Mar 30, 2024 12:08:10 PM Me

🤣🤣I literally have nothing to eat

Mar 30, 2024 7:35:42 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Grocery/power Venmo

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Mar 31, 2024 11:08:56 AM Me

Happy Easter 🐰

Mar 31, 2024 12:47:10 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 30 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Happy Easter

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Apr 01, 2024 10:50:50 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola, Monday is here. Are you still on spring break with the girls?

Apr 01, 2024 10:51:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Do you have the web work for me?

Apr 01, 2024 10:51:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Today is a good day for it.

Apr 01, 2024 3:51:48 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll send it over in a bit.

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Apr 01, 2024 3:52:26 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

No - they are at home sick. Back to school tomorrow though

Apr 02, 2024 9:27:41 AM Me

Happy Tuesday!

Apr 02, 2024 9:53:50 AM Me

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Apr 02, 2024 11:16:26 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Todd Henry - Todd Henry, author and keynote speaker

Apr 02, 2024 12:17:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Good article on AI impact on User Testing:

Apr 02, 2024 12:17:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://jakobnielsenphd.substack.com/p/ux-roundup-20240401

Apr 02, 2024 12:18:18 PM Me

Here’s AI summary from Merlin plugin in Chrome. Understanding Participation Inequality and AI Impact in User Testing 1. TikTok Participation Inequality: - Participation inequality is prevalent on TikTok as well, where a small percentage of heavy contributors dominate the content creation. - A Pew Research Center study revealed that the top 25% of users on TikTok are responsible for 98% of the videos posted, highlighting the significant contribution gap. 2. GPT-5 Advancements: - Anticipation surrounds the release of GPT-5 by OpenAI, promising a significant leap forward in machine intelligence. - GPT-5 is expected to revolutionize user testing by eliminating the need for expensive human resources, allowing for faster and more efficient usability testing. 3. Implications of Participation Inequality: - Participation inequality challenges the representativeness of online communities, skewing perceptions and decisions. - Efforts to mitigate participation inequality include simplifying contribution processes and recognizing valuable contributions. 4. Benefits of AI in User Testing: - The use of AI in user testing can revolutionize the process by facilitating parallel test sessions and accelerating the testing timeline. - AI facilitators can ensure consistent treatment of users, reducing bias and improving data quality. 5. UX Recommendations: - UX experts advise against designers conducting user testing on their own designs to maintain objectivity and reduce bias. - Leveraging AI for user testing can eliminate bias concerns by having separate AI entities function as users and facilitators. 6. Experimenting with AI Models for User Testing: - Utilize different AI products targeting diverse user segments for enhanced user testing. - Use various language models in a usability study for more independent analysis. 7. Debriefing After UX Talks or Podcasts: - Discussing UX content with a colleague deepens understanding and reveals differing interpretations. - Set up debrief sessions post-conferences or events for enriched insights. 8. Importance of Iterative Design in UX: - Iterative design significantly influences the quality of UX outcomes. - Consistent iterations lead to improved design quality over time. 9. About Jakob Nielsen: - Jakob Nielsen is a usability pioneer with extensive experience in the field. - Recognized for his contributions to usability and human-computer interaction.

Apr 02, 2024 12:18:28 PM Me

I love using the summary tool.

Apr 02, 2024 3:47:37 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll sent our login to the website. It’s for my sister n law Whitney. Can you tighten up the design and responsiveness?

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Apr 03, 2024 9:34:13 AM Me

Hola!

Apr 03, 2024 9:34:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll put some time in on Whitney’s site today

Apr 03, 2024 9:34:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anything I “Shouldn’t” do?

Apr 03, 2024 9:34:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Or avoid?

Apr 03, 2024 3:01:46 PM Me

Hey dude, just texting to say that I’m having a shitty afternoon. Liz texted me. It was triggering. So triggering. She’s texting me and asking me to do things I either don’t have the time to do or if I do them people are gonna want money from me that I don’t have. I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do anyway talk to you later

Apr 03, 2024 3:05:00 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Let’s chat in a bit - on papa duty until around 4 PST

Apr 03, 2024 3:05:01 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Apr 03, 2024 3:40:49 PM Me

https://www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/3829437658

Apr 03, 2024 3:40:49 PM Me

Check out this job at Upwork: Principal Product Designer - Transformation I’m well suited for exactly this kind of role and put my application in I guarantee you I will hear absolutely nothing

Apr 03, 2024 4:06:02 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I’m tempted. I would leave GPT and do this instead. What do you think?

Apr 03, 2024 4:12:42 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Overall GPT offers more in one place. Soon the difference will be less noticeable between them. I expect 4.5 to raise the bar again and imagine a release this quarter

Apr 03, 2024 4:13:30 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Lots of folks using Claude over GPT

Apr 03, 2024 4:40:40 PM Me

Can I call you later?

Apr 03, 2024 4:41:11 PM +13038752587

We can talk at 7:30 pst

Apr 03, 2024 4:41:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

At Starbucks and also online for door dash until 4pm

Apr 03, 2024 4:41:20 PM Me

7:30 is perfect

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Apr 03, 2024 4:41:34 PM Me

Have your AI talk to my AI

Apr 03, 2024 4:41:38 PM Me

🤣

Apr 03, 2024 4:41:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

😂

Apr 03, 2024 4:41:52 PM Me

Book it Dano

Apr 03, 2024 4:42:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll call mine Dano!

Apr 03, 2024 4:42:20 PM Me

Ok got an order, have to bounce

Apr 03, 2024 4:42:26 PM Me

Talk l8r

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Apr 03, 2024 9:17:53 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Shoot totally was pre occupied on my drive and forgot to call

Apr 03, 2024 9:48:08 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

I should be able to talk around 10 pst or tomorrow

Apr 03, 2024 9:48:40 PM Me

Ok

Apr 03, 2024 9:49:03 PM Me

Was a challenging day

Apr 04, 2024 8:26:04 AM Me

I've normalized my current situation

Apr 04, 2024 8:26:45 AM Me

My depression, living situation, all of it

Apr 04, 2024 8:27:47 AM Me

Makes sense since I’ve been in it almost a year now

Apr 04, 2024 11:26:22 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

What I submitted to Aquent today in their “tell us why you’re best for the job” box when applying: "Honestly, I've filled out this box so many times, with so many submissions for the past ten months, it all seems pointless to give any reasons; it doesn't really matter what I say—nothing happens. I have decades of experience, and I can't get an interview. You can't be in this business that long unless you know your shit. Been in the game since 1996. I have all the skills and requirements met 3x, and could do this job blindfolded. Word.”

Apr 04, 2024 5:39:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here’s a Pilot, Test Episode, “This morning is bringing it…”

Apr 04, 2024 5:39:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dropbox

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Apr 04, 2024 5:39:51 PM Me

Let me know what you think.

Apr 04, 2024 5:40:04 PM Me

I already have other monologues recorded

Apr 04, 2024 5:53:58 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

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Apr 04, 2024 8:54:18 PM Me

Hate

Apr 05, 2024 10:32:35 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Feeling like shit. Have 24 miles of charge in my car. Stuck in Ojai $9 on über card $5 on DoorDash Card Need $10 to resupply my charging card. Last night was chips and chocolate granola for dinner.

Apr 05, 2024 10:34:01 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ve been existing like this for a while now. Honestly would rather be dead than keep living like this.

Apr 05, 2024 10:52:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want to crawl into a hole and disappear forever

Apr 05, 2024 10:54:38 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Get small, get quiet, and no one will even notice I’m there or not. I’m good at it as I’ve honed that skill my entire life and I’m comfortable like that — small and quiet.

Apr 05, 2024 10:55:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

A good day for me now is making $10 to eat

Apr 05, 2024 11:11:08 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s jump on a call

Apr 05, 2024 11:11:30 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

I call you in 30m

Apr 05, 2024 11:28:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have a door dash going for 30 mins right now

Apr 05, 2024 11:29:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

See if I can get $5 or $10

Apr 05, 2024 11:31:30 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 6 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Apr 05, 2024 11:32:08 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 5 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Sent you Venmo

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Apr 05, 2024 2:58:47 PM Me

This is the artist, Joe Frank, who I’m riffing on He’s a SoCal late night radio hero

Apr 05, 2024 2:58:51 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 05, 2024 3:01:22 PM Me

This is the extension of the previous clip

Apr 05, 2024 3:01:26 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 05, 2024 3:11:05 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 05, 2024 3:35:29 PM Me

Hey Darrell, definitely listen to those clips. His style is unique and very evocative. The second clip I think you will get a chuckle out of. You should actually listen from 23 minutes on on the entire hour episode because he talks about children being a little vampires, sucking the life for side of you and it’s funny because I say that all the time.

Apr 05, 2024 3:35:57 PM Me

You might enjoy listening to him when you’re on the graveyard shift. His storytelling is incredible. It really takes you places in your head. Highly highly recommended.

Apr 05, 2024 3:36:17 PM Me

Last thing I’ll say is, it’s like radio noir

Apr 05, 2024 4:10:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here it is before anything

Apr 05, 2024 4:10:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Apr 07, 2024 10:06:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola, Its Sunday

Apr 07, 2024 10:07:03 AM Me

How are you doing?

Apr 07, 2024 10:08:51 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Our conversation has been on my mind multiple times since we had it. I’m fed up with where I’m at for sure. So I’ve been thinking what’s in my way? I think its having and sticking to, a schedule.

Apr 07, 2024 10:09:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Right now I have nothing. And every day unfolds organically with no structure.

Apr 07, 2024 10:10:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to see if there’s a GPT to help with creating one

Apr 07, 2024 10:14:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, working on Whitney’s site right now. Should have something to show shortly. Then off to dash 4 cash. I SO need my clients next infusion to pay storage and my car. And my car is making noises. Its LONG overdue for service, but don’t want an $800 bill. That would hurt and slow me down. The more I have to dash4cash, the longer it’s going to take me to get where I want. In CO and NY I was still deeply depressed. Now I’m a functionally depressed person — Someone who’s been in some form of consistent measurable Depression for at least 5 years. I’m at 6 maybe 8, but a SOLID 6 for sure with the darkest years of my life in that lot.

Apr 07, 2024 10:14:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, back to site tweaks. Ping you soon

Apr 07, 2024 10:15:24 AM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 33 seconds) Me

And thank you for your words and help. Its made a difference.

Apr 07, 2024 10:17:32 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

PS. I have a pro therapy session with Laurie tomorrow @ 1pm. I believe I’m going to do a trade with her. Build her a world class web presence for her practice complete with scheduling, and going to get her connected with a Note Taking AI.

Apr 07, 2024 10:18:17 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 40 seconds) Me

Come to think of it, do you know of any that are aimed at Shrinks? I know about HIPPA, etc. But imagine them NOT having to take notes and get a summary at the end of the day for ALL their sessions. Could be done with END-2-END encryption and this could be a good business idea. Let me know what you think

Apr 07, 2024 10:19:40 AM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

Here are Whitneys new fonts:

Apr 07, 2024 10:19:43 AM (Read by them after 14 seconds) Me

Google Fonts

Apr 07, 2024 10:20:02 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 19 seconds) Me

Google Fonts

Apr 07, 2024 10:20:23 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 55 seconds) Me

Good resource :

Apr 07, 2024 10:20:24 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 58 seconds) Me

The Decision Lab

Apr 07, 2024 2:09:25 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

The rays of sun at any scale make things out of balance. I’m going to do some editing, not change the logo, just crop creatively.

Apr 07, 2024 2:09:46 PM (Read by them after 14 seconds) Me

The billboard section is done.

Apr 07, 2024 2:09:53 PM (Read by them after 31 seconds) Me

Apr 07, 2024 2:09:59 PM (Read by them after 25 seconds) Me

Keep it text. Image makes it too challenging an introduction.

Apr 07, 2024 2:10:40 PM Me

I’ll keep going down the page and keep you updated. Currently charging car. Then Dashing 4 cash, then to Ojai.

Apr 07, 2024 2:10:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Talk soon

Apr 07, 2024 2:13:35 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Apr 07, 2024 2:16:37 PM Me

Cool, I got a spot

Apr 07, 2024 2:21:58 PM Me

Apr 07, 2024 2:22:43 PM Me

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Apr 07, 2024 2:27:10 PM ⇲ Me

Putting this on my email signature and LinkedIn profile

Apr 07, 2024 2:30:09 PM ⇲ Me

I would add… Rest. Reflect. Resurrect. Thoughts??

This hit hard. Feel it

Apr 07, 2024 2:26:04 PM Me

Other day when you hooked me up…

Apr 07, 2024 2:26:13 PM Me

15 miles left

Apr 07, 2024 2:27:10 PM ⇱ Me

Putting this on my email signature and LinkedIn profile
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 07, 2024 2:30:09 PM ⇱ Me

I would add… Rest. Reflect. Resurrect. Thoughts??
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 07, 2024 2:33:31 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Apr 07, 2024 6:15:26 PM Me

Done dashing in Ojai, $36 Working on my setup at storage. Declan helped me move everything yesterday Now I hook up monitor desk etc.

Apr 07, 2024 6:16:32 PM Me

I think it will help with distractions and noise. Starbucks is fine but it’s not the most productive environment especially when really good looking women wearing yoga pants are walking in all morning.

Apr 07, 2024 6:17:12 PM Me

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Apr 07, 2024 8:20:18 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

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Apr 08, 2024 12:08:20 PM Me

New footer:

Apr 08, 2024 12:08:21 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Apr 08, 2024 2:32:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Great Portfolio Example. This is DIFFERENT and VERY GOOD,

Apr 08, 2024 2:32:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.mitchellclements.com/case-study/startup-to-unicorn

Apr 08, 2024 3:47:15 PM Me

Emotional problems are a challenge because we find them easy to pick up and difficult to put down. Acknowledge them, honor them, and understand them by asking yourself if they still serve you.

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Apr 08, 2024 4:31:38 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola, lmk if/when ur around.

Apr 08, 2024 8:23:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Check out Whitney’s website when you have a chance. I have it looking good on all viewports.

Apr 08, 2024 8:23:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

10h 21m so far. Been Tracking. That’s a lot of time

Apr 09, 2024 9:27:36 AM Me

Still awake over there?

Apr 09, 2024 9:27:57 AM Me

Curious if you've seen the site

Apr 09, 2024 10:49:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have the base navigation pages setup too.

Apr 09, 2024 2:23:27 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Having the original digital file will help me create a better rendition. I would actually recommend going to raw text. Put the logo in the footer instead. LMK

Apr 09, 2024 3:36:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This is good:

Apr 09, 2024 3:36:31 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 30 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Apr 09, 2024 4:22:39 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check out the website in about an hour

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Apr 09, 2024 4:22:57 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Picking up the tornado 🌪️ in the house 🏡

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Apr 09, 2024 7:11:39 PM Me

hey there I’m about to be at storage done dashing for the day. I made 84 actually maybe 100 bucks in the past couple days.

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Apr 09, 2024 7:37:59 PM Me

Tired

Apr 09, 2024 7:38:05 PM +13038752587

The tornado is tamed, dinner and quick errand - shower time and off to night shift

Apr 09, 2024 7:38:26 PM Me

Did you see the website? If not, I can send you screen captures via text message.

Apr 09, 2024 7:38:37 PM +13038752587

I will actuall have time to look at the website tonight

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Apr 10, 2024 8:43:52 AM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep. Let’s chat about the website this afternoon.

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Apr 10, 2024 8:44:41 AM Me

Have in person client meeting today. Worried he's stopping it.

Apr 10, 2024 8:46:59 AM +13038752587

Why?

Apr 10, 2024 8:48:56 AM +13038752587

Aren’t you almost done with it?

Apr 10, 2024 8:50:56 AM +13038752587

Isn’t the plan to do the design as one project and the build as the next. Perhaps he wants to meet in person to discuss the build 😀

Apr 10, 2024 8:51:37 AM +13038752587

Signing off for 6 hrs - bbl

Apr 10, 2024 8:52:49 AM +13038752587

Create positive stories about the project - good luck 🍀

Apr 10, 2024 8:55:24 AM Me

I put the brakes on all work two weeks ago when he said he was concerned and wanted to meet

Apr 10, 2024 8:56:24 AM Me

his main concern is whether or not it’s possible to functionally do what he wants. I researched all security apps online and found some that have clever ways of making things work, and instead of reinventing the wheel, I’m borrowing their ideas.

Apr 10, 2024 12:18:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Had a great client meeting today — we’re aligned and its full steam ahead 😛

Apr 10, 2024 12:19:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Modifying wireframes based on our talk. We’ve refined some specs and I’m clear on next steps.

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Apr 10, 2024 1:55:11 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Apr 10, 2024 3:39:23 PM Me

You awake?

Apr 10, 2024 3:39:46 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Apr 10, 2024 3:39:57 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Out with Willow

Apr 10, 2024 3:40:18 PM Me

K

Apr 10, 2024 3:41:23 PM Me

At storage, working at my half together desk. I set aside min 30 mins a day getting it to fully wired and functional

Apr 10, 2024 3:41:52 PM Me

Apr 10, 2024 3:41:56 PM Me

Apr 10, 2024 3:42:34 PM Me

Setup is Function Over Form

Apr 10, 2024 3:42:45 PM Me

For Now

Apr 10, 2024 3:43:35 PM Me

Hey Liz just texter

Apr 10, 2024 3:43:40 PM Me

Text me

Apr 10, 2024 3:43:57 PM Me

“Thatcher is in process of having our re enrollment for health insurance. You will be without insurance starting May 1 so MediCal is worth looking into.”

Apr 10, 2024 3:44:09 PM Me

Thanks

Apr 10, 2024 3:47:52 PM Me

| No, I hope you are doing well Not even a simple fucking Hi, …. Or Hello, ….. Just a piano 🎹 out of the sky
Edited 53 seconds later | No, I hope you are doing well Not even a simple fucking Hi, …. Or Hello, ….. Just hey on your birthday I'm taking away your health insurance.

Apr 10, 2024 3:49:58 PM Me

Was having a good day, then 7 mins ago She's in KUNT mode. Fuck her

Apr 10, 2024 3:53:30 PM Me

I'll wait until she inherits everything from her mom then I'm going in for 50% Plus pain and suffering case when kicking me out KNOWING I was unemployed causing me to literally go bankrupt and destroyed my credit I have more than enough documentation of rejection from everyone

Apr 10, 2024 3:55:30 PM Me

Showing that I've been hustling. Put my bank accts and do or dash over the past 12 months and you see that I have a good case of causing housing and food insecurity for someone with mental health issues. Again… Fuck her

Apr 10, 2024 5:32:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Interesting:

Apr 10, 2024 5:32:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Seth's Blog

Apr 10, 2024 8:27:44 PM Me

On the mistake that happens a second time isn’t a mistake, it’s a decision

Apr 10, 2024 8:27:48 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 10, 2024 11:27:08 PM Me

Soooooooo Goooooooood

Apr 10, 2024 11:27:12 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 10, 2024 11:28:10 PM Me

Good background vibes

Apr 10, 2024 11:28:31 PM Me

U can tune in and out

Apr 11, 2024 10:54:36 AM Me

Well Jenica just broke things off with me

Apr 11, 2024 10:54:55 AM Me

It's rejection I don't need

Apr 11, 2024 10:57:10 AM Me

Dude I said it before and I'll say it again…. Better Off Dead

Apr 11, 2024 11:05:52 AM Me

Existing hurts Being alive hurts Be conscious hurts

Apr 11, 2024 11:23:25 AM Me

Feeling the feelings

Apr 11, 2024 12:22:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Unique AI revenue model Poe, Quora’s AI chatbot platform, introduces a new revenue model for AI chatbot creators on their platform. Previously, creators could only earn a share of revenue if users subscribed to Poe's premium offerings. The new model allows creators to set a price-per-message for their bots. This will enable creators to earn money each time a user messages one of their bots. → More details about Poe’s new revenue model Meta’s new AI launch Meta is planning to release Llama 3, the next version of its large language model, within the next month. Llama 3 is expected to be more capable than previous versions, able to answer a wider range of questions more accurately. Meta hopes this will make its AI assistant more useful and popular with users. → More details about Llama 3’s release

Apr 11, 2024 12:49:14 PM Me

There are a handful of people who can dry tears with a smile. Their hearts are open, and they always have room for one more person.

Apr 11, 2024 2:22:09 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Also, have dart league tonight. Wanting to play, just not wanting to be around people.

Apr 11, 2024 2:25:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, still at storage. Going to do a couple things here and then head to surfers point in Ventura and go sit by the ocean. Will feel good to put my bare feet on the sand and get grounded. My energy is off and so is everything else in my life. Big picture I have unfettered time. My 24hours are all mine now so I can spend them how I like.

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Apr 11, 2024 3:45:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://yearofmentalhealth.substack.com/p/what-is-demand-avoidance-a-case-study

Apr 11, 2024 3:46:20 PM Me

Definitely have that

Apr 11, 2024 4:11:40 PM Me

Reflection My life has sucked every day for a long time… any whiff of progress and life always turns around to raise the ante on me. No experience or possession brings joy, peace, or comfort—there is only suffering, numbness, and dissociation.

Apr 11, 2024 4:44:04 PM Me

Feeling depressed. Not wanting to do anything I typically enjoy.

Apr 11, 2024 4:46:40 PM Me

I ask myself, my god, what have I done? How did I get here? By letting the days go by Once in a lifetime…

Apr 11, 2024 4:47:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That song and Pink Floyd answers it

Apr 11, 2024 4:47:49 PM +13038752587

Resonate in my head often

Apr 11, 2024 4:48:09 PM Me

To feel loss and rejected this deeply by so many… Fucks with u hard

Apr 11, 2024 4:49:51 PM Me

Currently in the “Life, why the fuck bother? Mode/vibe. Been here before. Know this place / headspace well

Apr 11, 2024 4:50:50 PM Me

Have darts tonight but not feeling social. Last week played sober because I was too poor to buy an $8 beer

Apr 11, 2024 4:51:13 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sober is good - 👍

Apr 11, 2024 4:51:26 PM Me

Anyhow I'll quit my bitchin

Apr 11, 2024 4:52:01 PM Me

Ran into technical roadblocks today

Apr 11, 2024 5:20:17 PM Me

Maybe I’ll just stay alone the rest of my life. People hurt me too much

Apr 11, 2024 5:20:31 PM Me

Not worth it

Apr 11, 2024 11:21:11 PM Me

But it also hurts to be alone.

Apr 11, 2024 11:22:18 PM Me

I have to give up the idea I’m going to meet someone The rub is I cannot stand being around happy couples

Apr 12, 2024 10:28:12 AM Me

I just realized that I’m a nice guy, but the thing about nice guys is they always finish last. It’s because we’re too fucking nice. I hate that.

Apr 12, 2024 10:28:50 AM +13038752587

Interesting belief

Apr 12, 2024 10:29:03 AM +13038752587

That’s a saying to justify being a dick

Apr 12, 2024 10:29:22 AM Me

I’ve been a nice guy, my whole life and look where I am

Apr 12, 2024 10:29:30 AM Me

Maybe if I’m a dick I’ll get somewhere

Apr 12, 2024 10:29:44 AM +13038752587

You’ve been a people pleaser there is a difference

Apr 12, 2024 10:30:23 AM Me

I’m tired. Tired of being alive. Tired of existing

Apr 12, 2024 10:30:27 AM +13038752587

You can be nice and still make a stand without being a dick

Apr 12, 2024 10:30:44 AM Me

That’s just a dick with a smile on his face

Apr 12, 2024 10:31:14 AM +13038752587

No - but that is another interesting belief

Apr 12, 2024 10:32:56 AM Me

I had the realization this morning that I haven’t felt happy, or any kind of joy in more than a few years Every day has been flat or miserable. And I also had the realization that I know why people commit suicide. I feel all of it. I feel very deeply about wanting to be done With this existence. Always think about what people say after someone passes, at least they’re not in pain anymore. At least they’re not suffering. Sounds pretty goddamn nice right now.

Apr 12, 2024 10:36:30 AM ⇲ +13038752587

One - your statements about happiness are false. You somehow choose to not recognize them or discount them. And therefore not remember them

Apr 12, 2024 10:38:50 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Two - how you are existing is completely up to you. Make a decision to change it and start taking action You are stuck in victimhood. To your past, to your mental health, to Liz, to the universe. STOP IT 🛑 😍

Apr 12, 2024 10:34:35 AM +13038752587

Here’s an example of… I understand you can’t go any higher, unfortunately that is the price Vs The price is what it is take it or leave it Vs It’s obvious you are shopping out of you league, best to go to Walmart

Apr 12, 2024 10:35:42 AM Me

I talk to therapist today

Apr 12, 2024 10:36:30 AM ⇱ +13038752587

One - your statements about happiness are false. You somehow choose to not recognize them or discount them. And therefore not remember them
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 12, 2024 10:36:54 AM Me

Maybe after Darragh graduates I’ll head your way. Hang out in Colorado for summer

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Apr 12, 2024 10:38:50 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Two - how you are existing is completely up to you. Make a decision to change it and start taking action You are stuck in victimhood. To your past, to your mental health, to Liz, to the universe. STOP IT 🛑 😍
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 12, 2024 10:39:05 AM Me

Dude you should sleep and go do you. I’m ranting. I have a list of things I want to work on with therapist. Things I’m getting stuck on and keep repeating

Apr 12, 2024 10:39:25 AM +13038752587

On day hours now until Sunday

Apr 12, 2024 10:39:41 AM +13038752587

I slept last night

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Apr 12, 2024 10:40:12 AM +13038752587

When do you talk to therapist

Apr 12, 2024 10:45:09 AM ⇲ Me

1:30 pst

Apr 12, 2024 10:40:15 AM Me

I closed my eyes, went unconscious and then opened them back up in the morning what I did in between I wouldn’t call sleep. I’m convinced I’m living a whole Nother life in my subconscious because I wake up thoroughly exhausted every day as if I’ve not slept.

Apr 12, 2024 10:45:09 AM ⇱ Me

1:30 pst
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 12, 2024 10:45:32 AM +13038752587

Saaweeeet

Apr 12, 2024 10:45:48 AM +13038752587

That’s the action I’m talking about 🎉

Apr 12, 2024 10:46:10 AM Me

Doing trade for website design and build

Apr 12, 2024 10:46:26 AM +13038752587

Cool - whatever it takes

Apr 12, 2024 10:46:34 AM Me

I can’t afford it otherwise

Apr 12, 2024 10:47:00 AM Me

And I know that I need to talk to someone trained professionally because I’m wrapped up by an octopus, and I don’t know how to get out

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Apr 12, 2024 10:47:34 AM +13038752587

You are affording it - trading skills directly for what you want.

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Apr 12, 2024 10:48:25 AM Me

Hey, meant to ask, do you have any tweaks for Whitney’s website?

Apr 12, 2024 10:48:25 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Let me know how it goes

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Apr 12, 2024 10:48:43 AM Me

Did you see anything wonky or off?

Apr 12, 2024 10:48:43 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Nothing in the website- sometime today

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Apr 12, 2024 10:49:22 AM Me

I’ll share a chrome plug-in with you today that lets you see a website on mobile tablet and desktop all at the same time inside your browser it’s pretty cool

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Apr 12, 2024 10:50:29 AM Me

And when you start scrolling, mobile tablet and desktop, scroll in unison. Also, if you have multiple mobile view ports open, they all scroll together. You can have multiple versions of each level of Newport. For example, you can have a Samsung galaxy and iPhone, and whatever else in a variety of versions because each viewport footprint is slightly different.

Apr 12, 2024 10:51:00 AM Me

The x and y are not the same

Apr 12, 2024 10:52:27 AM Me

Apr 12, 2024 10:52:37 AM Me

It’s weird it looks like New York here today. Endless gray skies.

Apr 12, 2024 10:53:11 AM Me

Heard people at the coffee shop say they love this weather so much and I’m thinking really, if you grew up with and lived with it six months or more out of the year, you wouldn’t think it’s so great

Apr 12, 2024 10:53:29 AM Me

I’ll take blue sky and sunshine any day?

Apr 12, 2024 7:10:18 PM Me

Here’s what I promised: Its very cool. You’ll need to play around with it a bit, but you’ll get it. Viewport options down the left, toggle on/off… To then see them appear on the right side — the render area. Note tabs at top: custom, mobile, tablet, desktop let you filter things QUICKLY. I find this indispensable.

Apr 12, 2024 7:10:22 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://chromewebstore.google.com/detail/responsive-viewer/inmopeiepgfljkpkidclfgbgbmfcennb

Apr 12, 2024 7:11:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, once you have a site rendered, be sure to move over one viewport and scroll. Watch the others

Apr 12, 2024 7:11:07 PM Me

😊

Apr 12, 2024 7:11:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, back to Figma for me. Want to finish the wireframe edits and send to Greg (client) tonight.

Apr 13, 2024 12:10:03 PM Me

You among the living, or is it awake?

Apr 13, 2024 12:35:20 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Awake- heading out in a bike ride with the girls

Apr 13, 2024 1:05:22 PM Me

Rainfall here all day ☔️ Hard when homeless 😔

Apr 13, 2024 1:05:51 PM Me

Car starts to feel like an isolation chamber

Apr 13, 2024 1:06:17 PM +13038752587

Library

Apr 13, 2024 1:06:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Museum

Apr 13, 2024 1:06:27 PM +13038752587

Great places to work

Apr 13, 2024 1:06:48 PM Me

True So is a tasting room with WiFi

Apr 13, 2024 1:07:43 PM Me

At Starbucks at moment but am burnt out being here all the time The staff know me by name, like Norm from Cheers

Apr 13, 2024 1:48:06 PM Me

Sent you the plugin info. Did you get it

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Apr 13, 2024 3:37:17 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 13, 2024 10:52:09 PM Me

I feel I’m only here to be poor and homeless and get old

Apr 13, 2024 10:52:59 PM Me

As good as it gets has got up and went.

Apr 13, 2024 10:53:52 PM Me

I’m negative because I’ve been in this shit space too long

Apr 13, 2024 10:54:48 PM Me

Hard to shake when all you feel is rejection Even from my own family

Apr 13, 2024 10:56:06 PM Me

Anyhow, I’m parked in A rainy parking lot alone and going to sleep. Pray the lord My soul to take Before I wake

Apr 13, 2024 10:56:26 PM Me

A fucken men

Apr 13, 2024 11:06:43 PM Me

If you had told me That I’d be doing this for a whole fucking year to my birthday. I would’ve just taken myself out then why the fuck am I alive? The shit ain’t gonna change, shit changes But my situation ain’t gonna get any better. I’ve already had my best days. Which just fucking want to be alive anymore pretty simple.

Apr 13, 2024 11:07:18 PM Me

My depression is fucking beating me hard right now

Apr 14, 2024 9:35:56 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 😃

Apr 14, 2024 12:30:53 PM Me

😕 unfortunately woke up Good news is that it’s rainy as fuck today and I love it

Apr 14, 2024 12:32:03 PM Me

Spent all morning consolidating shit in storage to make more space. Which I did.

Apr 14, 2024 12:32:38 PM Me

I’ll be online in about 1520 minutes gonna stretch and get some coffee

Apr 15, 2024 10:25:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey there

Apr 15, 2024 10:25:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You on days today?

Apr 15, 2024 12:15:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Notifications silenced? Thought you were days. Or am I hallucinating??

Apr 15, 2024 4:42:41 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Days on Friday Saturday Sunday

Apr 15, 2024 4:43:13 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Nights Sunday, Monday, Tuesday Wednesday

Apr 15, 2024 4:43:43 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Thursday is a blended day - transitional night to day

Apr 15, 2024 6:52:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool

Apr 15, 2024 6:52:27 PM Me

Just done with taxes. Got just under $100 back between US and CA

Apr 15, 2024 7:00:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I was messing around with AI last night and looked into possibly searching for jobs in Cork, Ireland — seriously. For Tech workers the Govt lets you in to work. If I could find something over there I might jump at the chance, who knows.

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Apr 16, 2024 8:54:56 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning ☀️

Apr 16, 2024 8:55:06 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Rainy day here

Apr 16, 2024 8:55:16 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to sleep 💤

Apr 16, 2024 8:55:38 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

How did your therapy session go the other day?

Apr 16, 2024 10:49:16 AM ⇲ Me

It was OK. We didn’t weren’t able to cover a lot of ground because it was catching up mostly

Apr 16, 2024 10:50:56 AM ⇲ Me

Question Should I declare bankruptcy? Insolvency? Credit cards are starting to send me to collections

Apr 16, 2024 9:35:06 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Apr 16, 2024 10:49:16 AM ⇱ Me

It was OK. We didn’t weren’t able to cover a lot of ground because it was catching up mostly
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 16, 2024 10:50:56 AM ⇱ Me

Question Should I declare bankruptcy? Insolvency? Credit cards are starting to send me to collections
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 16, 2024 4:22:05 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

No- bankruptcy

Apr 16, 2024 4:22:36 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Have the actually closed your accounts? Or is it internal collections

Apr 16, 2024 4:23:00 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

What is the total debt owed?

Apr 16, 2024 4:26:52 PM Me

External

Apr 16, 2024 4:27:06 PM Me

20k across multiple accounts

Apr 16, 2024 4:28:33 PM Me

I’m screwed either way What’s less?

Apr 16, 2024 4:29:37 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 56 seconds) +13038752587

That means they have written off the debt and sold it to the collection company usually. Check your credit rating to verify that actual wrote it off. Let me know what it says.

Apr 16, 2024 4:30:09 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Claiming bankruptcy is not necessary.

Apr 16, 2024 4:31:22 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

No you not screwed- just a set back. It will take you less than a year to restore credit. Although living and not using a card is a better practice

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Apr 17, 2024 11:41:53 AM Me

Hey How goes things? Kinda shit here. Another day opening my eyes and just wanting to roll over and have the day be over. Trying to work thru it. At Starbucks and have to do some writing editing of my stuff with my new candidate market fit statement

Apr 17, 2024 11:42:17 AM Me

On some level it all seems pointless to me.

Apr 17, 2024 12:26:59 PM Me

Someone shared about their loneliness and asshats were replying so had to throw in my $.02

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Apr 17, 2024 3:12:44 PM Me

FYI, I had AI help me develop and entire series for my Video Art Project

Apr 17, 2024 3:12:57 PM Me

Amazing first draft

Apr 17, 2024 3:56:46 PM Me

This is DEFINITELY me:

Apr 17, 2024 3:56:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/dysthymia

Apr 17, 2024 3:57:09 PM Me

I have 6 years persistent — since 2018

Apr 17, 2024 3:57:12 PM Me

Its a motherfucker

Apr 17, 2024 9:34:29 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Finally got Double Double in a frame yesterday 😊￼

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Apr 17, 2024 9:43:38 PM Me

I’m thinking of perhaps getting a high resolution, scan of that, and making it into a poster or sticker. I would pull the burger out of the background. So the background would be gone as if it was on white What do you think? When you look at that do you see a double double for In-N-Out The reason I ask is if I don’t put any words on it it’s just a painting of a hamburger with two patties but for those in the know that looks like a double double. Because I painted it from their fucking lap, Mat 😂 Thoughts

Apr 17, 2024 11:28:25 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Title it “Double Double”. Definitely worth scanning it.

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Apr 17, 2024 11:29:06 PM Me

I have to check and see if they have double double trademarked, but I like it

Apr 18, 2024 1:04:33 AM Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/leonardrodman_necromancy-ugcPost-7186015334452101122-Wpnx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios

Apr 18, 2024 1:04:33 AM Me

Check out

Apr 18, 2024 1:04:59 AM Me

“$1200 per chat to be precise. With a $42,000 set up fee.”

Apr 18, 2024 1:05:11 AM Me

Dooood

Apr 18, 2024 1:20:36 AM (Read by you after 9 hours, 7 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

That’s a bummer people are taking advantage of folks.

Apr 18, 2024 1:22:19 AM (Read by you after 9 hours, 5 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - who knew the market was wanting this. I was thinking of it as a way of preserving family history. An image of Harry Potter and the framed portraits comes to mind.

Apr 18, 2024 10:28:31 AM Me

Good image.

Apr 18, 2024 10:29:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So, wonder if you’re curious to see my Candidate Market Fit Statement and how its affecting the edits on my LinkedIn profile and resume

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Apr 18, 2024 4:30:36 PM Me

Depression hitting me hard right now. Darts was canceled Sux it’s the only thing I do with other people. Otherwise I’m alone. Been alone over a week now. Today had me reflecting back on a time when my parents were visiting and Liz invited the whole faculty to our house for a birthday party for me. No one showed up. I know you care. But something like that hurts deep and says a lot about me. Unless you’re family member or paid to speak to me I’m invisible to the world. It’s as if I don’t exist, and I’ve had that feeling for many years now

Apr 18, 2024 4:31:24 PM Me

Just feeling deeply shitty and alone

Apr 18, 2024 6:21:35 PM Me

Wondering if you’re just getting up and getting ready for work?

Apr 18, 2024 6:22:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

On our way to Denver

Apr 18, 2024 6:22:32 PM Me

I am headed to the market and then to storage place. I was just able to successfully load money onto my DoorDash card which is a reloadable debit card that behaves like a Visa card. So I did to pay a couple car payments because the bank likes to eat $35 fees, so fuck them I’m going around them.

Apr 18, 2024 6:22:51 PM Me

Oh wow under Denver for what reason? Hopefully it’s a good reason.

Apr 18, 2024 6:24:07 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Visit family. Our nephew is in Children’s Hospital- was Diagnosed with Leukemia over the weekend

Apr 18, 2024 6:24:34 PM Me

Fuck

Apr 18, 2024 6:24:54 PM Me

Hopefully they caught it relatively early in its process

Apr 18, 2024 6:25:23 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Good thing is they discovered it. It’s the most common one - 90% survival rate

Apr 18, 2024 6:25:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

He already started treatment

Apr 18, 2024 6:26:41 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes) +13038752587

2 year treatment protocol

Apr 18, 2024 7:00:48 PM Me

Wow

Apr 18, 2024 7:01:34 PM Me

I heard a message the other day that you could wake up in the morning and by the end of the day your life is totally different so from one week into the next it could be a totally different world. A gigantic reminder to be present, and to be grateful in the moment

Apr 18, 2024 7:02:12 PM Me

I actively listen now, whereas before I did know how to do it. Meditation has helped.

Apr 18, 2024 7:02:55 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

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Apr 18, 2024 7:03:03 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful lighting

Apr 18, 2024 7:04:01 PM Me

Apr 18, 2024 7:04:01 PM Me

I’m enjoying the Topa Topa, actually Dos Topas

Apr 18, 2024 7:04:28 PM Me

I remember when they started their brewery now they have a fucking warehouse and tractor trailers driving their beer all over Southern California

Apr 18, 2024 7:04:51 PM Me

It’s in Vons Safeway Albertsons, Walmart they’re fucking everywhere

Apr 18, 2024 7:05:17 PM Me

| One of my good early investor and gets a free keg of beer per month for life
Edited 15 seconds later | One of my good friends was an early investor and gets a free keg of beer per month for life

Apr 18, 2024 7:05:55 PM Me

He can never drink at all and I remember bringing growlers over and filling them up when I used to live on campus. No more free beer for me

Apr 18, 2024 7:07:16 PM Me

By the way, I’ve been working all hard on my writing of the résumé and LinkedIn profile and also been working hard on my art. I remember what you said about having eight or so episodes in the can before a letting it out of the bag that’s a great idea and I’m going to do that. I actually have written an outline for an entire three part series and in each part there’s probably 5 to 8 episodes so we’re talking about like somewhere in the range of 15 to 30 episodes each episode ranging somewhere is shortest. Let’s say three minutes and as long as maybe seven or eight At least that’s what things are looking like right now.

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Apr 18, 2024 7:07:31 PM Me

And I have a name for the project, I’m not sure if I told you

Apr 18, 2024 7:07:43 PM Me

The Mind of an X

Apr 18, 2024 7:08:00 PM Me

Gen and husband

Apr 18, 2024 7:08:44 PM Me

Who’s homeless and unemployed. Now living on the line of society between acceptance and destitute.

Apr 18, 2024 7:09:11 PM Me

Meaning, I can still clean up and look like everything is cool in the gang. I don’t look like that wet swamp rat homelessness yet

Apr 18, 2024 11:14:19 PM Me

Don’t Mind the X

Apr 18, 2024 11:14:33 PM Me

Mind of X

Apr 18, 2024 11:15:19 PM Me

😴🥱💤

Apr 19, 2024 10:15:17 AM Me

Friday

Apr 19, 2024 10:15:29 AM Me

Used to be the greatest day

Apr 19, 2024 10:15:39 AM Me

Now it’s just another

Apr 19, 2024 10:16:06 AM Me

Awake but tired

Apr 19, 2024 10:16:21 AM Me

Always

Apr 19, 2024 11:12:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The digital barback A barback supports the bartending staff. There are always clean glasses and fresh ingredients, ready to go. Having someone else do your mise en place can dramatically improve your productivity. And now, with a bit of effort, you can train an AI and a few systems to do it for you. If you won’t, your competition will.

Apr 19, 2024 11:12:25 AM Me

Seth G

Apr 19, 2024 11:14:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Market pressure Every competitor faces pressure, and it varies by industry, consumer/investor segment and geography. This applies to services, products, ideas, organizations, jobs… whenever there’s a choice and a market. The pressure might push you to be: Cheaper Simpler Dumber More short term Easier Coarse More convenient Hyped But it’s also possible to choose a marketplace that rewards: Durability Difficulty Elegant design Resilience Thoughtfulness Higher performance and efficiency Patience

Apr 19, 2024 11:21:37 AM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Like it - may incorporate into my talk today

Apr 19, 2024 11:22:01 AM Me

Talk?

Apr 19, 2024 11:26:32 AM Me

Dude. Living hurts.

Apr 19, 2024 11:54:16 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

You can buy a house, but you can't buy a family. You can buy a bed, but you can't buy sleep. You can buy a book, but you can't buy wisdom. You can buy a watch, but you can't buy time.

Apr 19, 2024 11:55:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just read that REASONING and MEMORY are coming to AI. It will be able to remember, and with reasoning it can anticipate the future. Dooooooooooooood

Apr 19, 2024 11:56:10 AM Me

Execs at both OpenAI and Meta recently told the Financial Times they’re working on new models that show glimmers of reasoning capabilities Both companies have been hazy on the details, but the basic takeaway is that each model will see improvements in their ability to remember what happened in the past We won’t have to wait long: OpenAI’s long-awaited GPT-5 is reportedly coming “soon,” while Meta’s Llama 3 should be out in a few weeks

Apr 19, 2024 2:42:58 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 17 seconds) +13038752587

The tech is evolving quickly, but the adoption is slow overall- people dipping a toe into a bucket but not ready for venturing into the ocean

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Apr 19, 2024 2:43:00 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Apr 19, 2024 2:45:57 PM Me

Today is been a very hard day so far. I did get my LinkedIn about section rewritten. I will do my best to send it to you later. I’m at storage right now quickly throwing on some shorts in a backpack. I’m gonna go hike with Weston. Being in this space is really starting to fuck me up I won’t lie

Apr 19, 2024 2:46:44 PM Me

I realize driving the storage just now that at the end of this month in just over 10 days I will have lived in my car for half the year, six months since I arrived here on Halloween of last year

Apr 19, 2024 2:48:12 PM Me

Hence, why being in the space is really fucking with my brain. It’s reinforcing deep beliefs. I have that I’m shit I’m not good enough and I never will be.

Apr 19, 2024 2:48:37 PM Me

Tries to let go of that belief. It’s unshakable inside me. It’s had five decades to calcify.

Apr 19, 2024 2:49:01 PM Me

I’ll keep trying, but I’m a realist and realize I may never get there.

Apr 19, 2024 2:51:36 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Have you heard of

Apr 19, 2024 2:51:57 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

https://www.marymorrissey.com/

Apr 19, 2024 2:52:54 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

She’s has been popping up in my feeds lately. - might be worth checking her YouTube channel

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Apr 19, 2024 2:56:09 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

What does a happy, successful, fulfilled life look like for you? Looking forward from today. No time traveling to the past.

Apr 19, 2024 2:57:40 PM Me

It’s funny when I think about my present state of mind, it’s in the present, I’m not thinking about my past my past isn’t what’s putting me in this state of mind my present situation is what has me in the state of mind

Apr 19, 2024 2:57:55 PM Me

If I was not in this situation, my mind would not be where it is

Apr 19, 2024 2:58:34 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Keep it simple Where do you live? What type of house is it? What do you drive? What do you do for income? What do you do for fun? What do you do for health?

Apr 19, 2024 2:58:20 PM Me

There’s no way to pretend or put your mind in this space if you’ve never actually lived it

Apr 19, 2024 2:58:34 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Keep it simple Where do you live? What type of house is it? What do you drive? What do you do for income? What do you do for fun? What do you do for health?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2024 2:58:58 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That was not a reply to your statement

Apr 19, 2024 2:59:33 PM +13038752587

The reply is … Change your mind to change your situation

Apr 19, 2024 3:02:00 PM Me

I live somewhere with a solid house or rather solid roof over my head not sure about a house. Not sure what I’ll drive. Maybe the car I have right now. I’m hopeful I can be in a place where I won’t have to drive much. for money I’m either working on software projects or maybe doing art. I’ve been thinking about maybe trying that but I don’t know. I’m not sure what I would do for fun. I haven’t thought that in a very long time maybe years definitely years. In order to feel like I’m doing something fun I have so many other parts of my life that need to be anchored in someway and right now, I have very little tethering me to this reality. So without truly feeling grounded, I can’t think about things like fun. It’s hard to think about the future when all I’m trying to do is get through today.

Apr 19, 2024 3:09:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Get specific and detailed in your answers. Start with the basics House - small 2bed with large deck and a garden overlooking the ocean Car - Pink Ripian truck 😀 Health - eat organic foods, no processed foods, no alcohol, hike 5 miles daily with my dog, talk with counselor weekly, no news at all Fun - darts, art, music Income - design consultant to outdoor based businesses

Apr 19, 2024 3:11:55 PM ⇲ Me

That’s a pretty cool write up. It would take me a really long time to write that right now. I shared with my job search group yesterday in our meeting that I’ve been struggling really hard and that it’s hard for me to look at myself in a positive light, and write about myself positively, yeah it’s just a big challenge and they got it

Apr 19, 2024 3:13:11 PM ⇲ Me

Part of it is that the stuff I’m doing in my job search council is making me reflect on a lot of things and it’s probably really triggering in some respects, but I’m never one to shy away from taking on emotions and shit

Apr 19, 2024 3:13:54 PM ⇲ Me

K I’m gonna go get my gear on and head up to go hike with Weston

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Apr 19, 2024 3:16:16 PM (Read by you after 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Our whole life we been taught to not float our own boat I got employee of the month - 1st one every for the hotel. It’s nice to be recognized, however I don’t truly feel appreciation. Propably because I discount myself on some level

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Apr 19, 2024 3:18:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

It’s an interesting thing. I just recently started to tell people of my accomplishments. Starting to recognize and feel them.

Apr 19, 2024 3:19:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Spent so many years discounting them as no big deal.

Apr 19, 2024 3:20:15 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes) ⇲ +13038752587

Measure what you have done not what you haven’t

Apr 19, 2024 3:20:48 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 27 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

And keep on keeping on 😍

Apr 19, 2024 3:21:01 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 14 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ok - have a great hike

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Apr 19, 2024 3:03:04 PM Me

The shame I feel is inexplicable

Apr 19, 2024 3:03:32 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

A question came to mind Who is more powerful? A man with a desire and with nothing to lose in pursuit of the desire? Or A man with a desire and risks losing everything in pursuit of his desire?

Apr 19, 2024 3:03:34 PM Me

And sense of failure is too.

Apr 19, 2024 3:04:36 PM Me

Dude, I know I’ve got nothing to lose and can totally reinvent my life anyway, I want yet even despite that knowledge, I don’t find myself liberated in anyway

Apr 19, 2024 3:05:14 PM Me

Once Darragh graduates, I could literally move anywhere and reinvent myself

Apr 19, 2024 3:05:34 PM Me

Yet the Spector of that doesn’t excite me it doesn’t get me jacked up or juiced. It’s just whatever.

Apr 19, 2024 3:05:50 PM Me

Like I said, I’m just trying to get through today

Apr 19, 2024 3:06:26 PM Me

That’s pretty much every day for me. And it’s been that way for years. Waking up and thinking I just gotta get through the day.

Apr 19, 2024 3:08:39 PM Me

I like to think of myself, somewhat rational and intelligent, and I try my best to be kind to people I meet somehow I’ve got the 8 foot dildo of the universe up my ass fucking me over incredibly hard. It’s emotionally draining and psychologically exhausting.

Apr 19, 2024 3:09:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Get specific and detailed in your answers. Start with the basics House - small 2bed with large deck and a garden overlooking the ocean Car - Pink Ripian truck 😀 Health - eat organic foods, no processed foods, no alcohol, hike 5 miles daily with my dog, talk with counselor weekly, no news at all Fun - darts, art, music Income - design consultant to outdoor based businesses
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2024 3:09:55 PM Me

And this is a pendulum. This rant that I’m in the midst of at this moment. I’m at the far end of the swing. I would likely be back to Center sometime later today. I’m just really in touch with my state of being right now and sharing it.

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Apr 19, 2024 3:11:55 PM ⇱ Me

That’s a pretty cool write up. It would take me a really long time to write that right now. I shared with my job search group yesterday in our meeting that I’ve been struggling really hard and that it’s hard for me to look at myself in a positive light, and write about myself positively, yeah it’s just a big challenge and they got it
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Apr 19, 2024 3:12:12 PM (Read by you after 59 seconds) +13038752587

I hear you - my goal is two fold Pattern interior And pregnant questions

Apr 19, 2024 3:13:11 PM ⇱ Me

Part of it is that the stuff I’m doing in my job search council is making me reflect on a lot of things and it’s probably really triggering in some respects, but I’m never one to shy away from taking on emotions and shit
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2024 3:13:54 PM ⇱ Me

K I’m gonna go get my gear on and head up to go hike with Weston

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Apr 19, 2024 3:16:16 PM (Read by you after 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Our whole life we been taught to not float our own boat I got employee of the month - 1st one every for the hotel. It’s nice to be recognized, however I don’t truly feel appreciation. Propably because I discount myself on some level

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2024 3:18:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

It’s an interesting thing. I just recently started to tell people of my accomplishments. Starting to recognize and feel them.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2024 3:19:13 PM Me

I know once I get out for a hike today I will feel better. I’ve been inside my head for a whole week and really have not interacted with humans at any level other than sales people at the register.

Apr 19, 2024 3:19:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Spent so many years discounting them as no big deal.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2024 3:20:15 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes) ⇱ +13038752587

Measure what you have done not what you haven’t
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2024 3:20:48 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 27 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

And keep on keeping on 😍
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 19, 2024 3:21:01 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 14 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ok - have a great hike

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Apr 19, 2024 10:05:11 PM Me

Lifes a Bitch and then you die My anthem

Apr 20, 2024 10:51:44 PM Me

I tried being social and sat by myself. Ppl I knew from my past on campus were there. Didn’t say hello. I don’t want to be in other people’s lives I experienced mean and evil staring today from the ppl with Liz. One woman in particular was giving me the total evil eye and I could feel her negativity pointed at me. Anyhow, if that’s what graduation is going to be then I’m not sure if I want to participate. Why would one want to be in a space where you’re made to feel bad about being you, just the bad energy coming at me from new people around Liz. I have no idea what tales she’s told but all I felt was bad vibes. I’ve become more attuned to it. Ok Should I tell Elizabeth that it’s me or your horse friends at graduation.

Apr 20, 2024 10:58:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s chat in the morning- long day just getting into bed. Ultimatums are not a good option in general. I have some thoughts about graduation.

Apr 20, 2024 10:59:31 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Oh yeah be a mirror and let those negative vibes bounce right back to the sender. No need to accept them.

Apr 20, 2024 10:59:43 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Love Darrell

Apr 20, 2024 11:00:08 PM Me

K

Apr 20, 2024 11:04:36 PM Me

I realized when trying to interact with other people today that I am not where others are. I have very little in common with others. And they have no idea what I’ve been through or what I’ve been trying to do and accomplish I feel Morris sense of failure and probably hit any other point than today. To be in a place of education with such accomplished people, and just a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me

Apr 20, 2024 11:09:39 PM Me

I’m walking to my car parked in the park in town where I’ve been sleeping all week. I had hoped to be sleeping up in the mountains tonight. thinking the universe decided they shouldn’t be up there for some reason so I thought oh I’ll go out in town. Maybe there’s a reason I should be out. But there wasn’t a reason to be there other than to be seen by other people who know Liz and I’m sure texted her the minute I walked into that place. Fortunately, I just sat alone like a big fucking loser because I don’t have any friends or any people that I can fucking relate to so there you go. Have decided to give the fuck up. I am just this is my life I am just fucking lost in just want to not be alive anymore Wanna go away and not deal with this. All of this. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up

Apr 20, 2024 11:10:38 PM Me

Too much rejection from everywhere

Apr 20, 2024 11:12:44 PM Me

Good thing I don’t have a gun right now cause I’d be gone The vibe is that intense right now, but I’ve been here before I’ll ride this out to only suffer more. Even knowing it’s a choice

Apr 20, 2024 11:13:52 PM Me

I’m living in paradoxes and liminal spaces. It’s not good for anyone

Apr 21, 2024 10:04:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

"People with high expectations have low resilience, and resilience matters in success... I don't know how to teach it to you except for, 'I hope suffering happens to you'... greatness comes from character & character... is formed out of people who suffered... I wish upon you ample doses of pain & suffering" Jensen Huang CEO Nvidia

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Apr 21, 2024 10:10:37 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

I believe you have had ample - do you?

Apr 21, 2024 10:13:32 AM Me

Probably enough for a handful of people

Apr 21, 2024 10:14:05 AM +13038752587

A thought that came to mind reading your message. - why do you care what other people who don’t care about you think 🤔 Academia is a world onto itself. It’s not the real world to me. A world powered by ego primarily.

Apr 21, 2024 10:14:36 AM Me

Interestingly I woke up as clear and well rested as I’ve ever felt in so long I cannot remember. I may have actually slept last night instead of having Fight Club in my sleep.

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Apr 21, 2024 10:15:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s not the education world, per se. Its Thacher. There is a never ending pursuit of excellence and perfection.

Apr 21, 2024 10:16:07 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

To what end? How does it serve humanity

Apr 21, 2024 10:15:38 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I have an appointment- be back in around 11 pst

Apr 21, 2024 10:15:43 AM Me

K

Apr 21, 2024 10:16:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its dirty looks from people who dont know me that only talk to Liz.

Apr 21, 2024 10:16:07 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

To what end? How does it serve humanity
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 21, 2024 10:16:30 AM Me

If I get another one of those I am going to walk right up into their personal space and ask them if they have a question or a problem.

Apr 21, 2024 10:16:51 AM Me

Otherwise wipe the asshat expression off your face

Apr 21, 2024 10:17:08 AM Me

They all think I’m a rapist

Apr 21, 2024 10:17:21 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You think they all think that.

Apr 21, 2024 10:17:25 AM Me

That’s the look I got yesterday

Apr 21, 2024 10:17:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was looked at like a very contemptible person. Someone who should have their ass handed to them.

Apr 21, 2024 10:18:01 AM +13038752587

Let them think what they may, you know your truth

Apr 21, 2024 10:18:06 AM Me

And I could feel the stare when I wasn’t even looking

Apr 21, 2024 10:18:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bad energy

Apr 21, 2024 10:18:30 AM +13038752587

Return to sender with love

Apr 21, 2024 10:18:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe just staring right back at them is the way

Apr 21, 2024 10:18:39 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Don’t accept it

Apr 21, 2024 10:18:49 AM Me

With big FUCK YOU eyes

Apr 21, 2024 10:19:01 AM +13038752587

Ok - offline I’ll reply later

Apr 21, 2024 10:19:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Apr 21, 2024 10:21:00 AM Me

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

Apr 21, 2024 2:05:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This is for one of my t-shirt designs.

Apr 21, 2024 2:06:17 PM Me

You online? I have to change location. Down to 5% battery and dont have my charge cord.

Apr 21, 2024 2:06:28 PM Me

Plus I need to get outside a bit.

Apr 21, 2024 7:42:54 PM Me

Hey

Apr 21, 2024 9:35:29 PM Me

U alive?

Apr 21, 2024 9:35:38 PM Me

Asleep awake?!

Apr 21, 2024 9:35:41 PM Me

No idea

Apr 21, 2024 9:35:57 PM Me

🤷

Apr 21, 2024 9:36:04 PM +13038752587

Haha

Apr 21, 2024 9:36:47 PM +13038752587

Awake for a little longer / took the night off since we came down to front range

Apr 21, 2024 9:36:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Back on night shift tomorrow

Apr 21, 2024 9:43:29 PM Me

K

Apr 21, 2024 9:44:03 PM Me

Just wondering Been a hard day inside the skull 💀

Apr 21, 2024 9:44:38 PM Me

Typical themes and bullshit.

Apr 21, 2024 9:45:07 PM Me

I need some ketamine or micro-dose

Apr 21, 2024 9:50:44 PM Me

Apr 21, 2024 9:50:45 PM Me

Practice

Apr 21, 2024 10:07:46 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 22, 2024 7:36:50 AM Me

Another day of painful existence There’s When you open your eyes, it might last for a half of a second before reality locks back in and reminds you that your life is shit

Apr 22, 2024 10:41:05 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

When is your next session with therapist?

Apr 22, 2024 10:55:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

A week from this Saturday

Apr 22, 2024 10:55:36 AM Me

How is your day so far?

Apr 22, 2024 10:55:51 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Chaotic

Apr 22, 2024 10:57:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Kids?

Apr 22, 2024 10:57:16 AM +13038752587

Getting front tire looked at before leaving back to glenwood, have a bunch of stuff to pack

Apr 22, 2024 10:57:17 AM Me

Or you, or work?

Apr 22, 2024 10:57:23 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Kids at dentist

Apr 22, 2024 10:57:39 AM +13038752587

No time this morning for work

Apr 22, 2024 10:57:48 AM +13038752587

Back at the hotel tonight

Apr 22, 2024 10:57:54 AM Me

K

Apr 22, 2024 10:58:12 AM Me

Been working on my edits to LinkedIn and Resume this morning.

Apr 22, 2024 10:58:24 AM Me

Realizing this is all going to have to go through my website too

Apr 22, 2024 10:59:18 AM +13038752587

Massive change coming. - I know you will relate, I’m tired physically and mentally of where life is at for me.

Apr 22, 2024 10:59:35 AM Me

Yep

Apr 22, 2024 10:59:44 AM Me

was intense yesterday

Apr 22, 2024 10:59:57 AM Me

After waking up with as clear a mind as I’ve had in years

Apr 22, 2024 11:00:14 AM +13038752587

I taking the wheel and control. Lots of no’s coming to shit that doesn’t move us forward

Apr 22, 2024 11:00:50 AM Me

Have you been committing to things maybe you shouldn’t??

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Apr 22, 2024 11:01:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just remembered I have to finish signing up for Medi-Cal. I dont have health insurance at the end of this month.

Apr 22, 2024 11:03:03 AM +13038752587

Get on it now 😀

Apr 22, 2024 11:03:08 AM Me

Which made me think of something last night.... Should I be getting some kind of alimony? I didn’t make myself unemployed, and I didn’t force myself to leave the house. I wonder if under CA law she’s obligated to help me out? I know when the shit went down with Nat and Sallie, he had to pay for her to live

Apr 22, 2024 11:03:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I may see if there’s an AI CA Lawyer I can pepper

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Apr 22, 2024 11:03:38 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Probably

Apr 22, 2024 11:04:01 AM Me

If the AI tells me I have a good case, I may contact a lawyer

Apr 22, 2024 11:04:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Free consult kind of thing

Apr 22, 2024 11:04:22 AM +13038752587

When is graduation for Darragh

Apr 22, 2024 11:04:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

June 1st

Apr 22, 2024 11:04:41 AM Me

I’ve been thinking about coming to CO. Dont know.

Apr 22, 2024 11:04:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can live in my car anywhere

Apr 22, 2024 11:05:10 AM Me

And door dash

Apr 22, 2024 11:05:47 AM Me

Sick of being in survival mode not being able to look beyond today

Apr 22, 2024 11:05:53 AM +13038752587

I going to see if I can make it there for that. Will be a last minute decision though - lots to get done in the next two weeks

Apr 22, 2024 11:06:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Your Mom is coming out

Apr 22, 2024 11:06:21 AM Me

You could crash with her

Apr 22, 2024 11:06:47 AM +13038752587

My phone battery is almost out. - no charger with me.

Apr 22, 2024 11:06:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its first weekend of June

Apr 22, 2024 11:06:53 AM Me

Always

Apr 22, 2024 11:07:01 AM Me

Saturday Morning

Apr 22, 2024 11:07:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Friday night dinner evening before

Apr 22, 2024 11:07:11 AM Me

Where I saw Tom Hanks

Apr 22, 2024 11:07:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Flea might be doing the speech this year

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Apr 22, 2024 11:07:32 AM Me

His daughter is in Darraghs class.

Apr 22, 2024 11:07:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Red Hot Chili Peppers Bassist

Apr 22, 2024 11:08:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll send you links to my edited materials so far for your feedback later tonight when you have a chance to look

Apr 22, 2024 11:08:43 AM Me

Hope today goes ok

Apr 22, 2024 11:08:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I see Jenica today. Going to her house to pickup the last of my shit.

Apr 22, 2024 11:09:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll get triggered for sure. I’m so smitten with her, but she doesn’t want to continue.

Apr 22, 2024 11:09:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Because I’m homeless and broke. 😟

Apr 22, 2024 11:09:55 AM Me

Sux

Apr 22, 2024 11:11:49 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Apr 22, 2024 11:51:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just did some research. Should have filed for divorce right when I left. No “back alimony” to go backwards. Must file to get things moving. We dont have a complicated history of assets and liabilities so I imagine that it should take weeks instead of months. Court decides what happens — if I get support, how much, and for how long. Good resources online for me to do this all myself. But lots of work.

Apr 22, 2024 11:52:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Interesting stipulation… “provide support to maintain the standard of living during the divorce.” An apartment in the east end of Ojai alone will eat half her monthly income.

Apr 22, 2024 11:53:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So alimony should provide me the same standard of living I had during the marriage.

Apr 22, 2024 11:53:55 AM Me

That may be why she hasn’t filed. She has to start paying up.

Apr 22, 2024 11:54:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Plus its $500 to file

Apr 22, 2024 11:54:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can get a waiver because I’m “the poor”

Apr 22, 2024 6:57:52 PM Me

Hey 👋 The Poor here How goes it??

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Apr 22, 2024 10:13:31 PM Me

Werner

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Apr 23, 2024 8:15:39 AM Me

Just woke up Hate my fucked up life. I want off.

Apr 23, 2024 8:18:36 AM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Understandable

Apr 23, 2024 8:19:57 AM Me

I’ll stay alive until Darraghs graduation. But after that who knows. I don’t. What I do know is I’m done with this life.

Apr 23, 2024 8:20:41 AM Me

It’s incredibly painful to be alive

Apr 23, 2024 8:21:57 AM Me

Anyhow, I won’t bug you. You’ve heard enough of my ranting and bullshit about it.

Apr 23, 2024 8:22:02 AM +13038752587

You need a new compelling vision for your new life. Shift from running away to running towards

Apr 23, 2024 8:22:36 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Meditate on what that vision is

Apr 23, 2024 8:24:56 AM Me

My neck is all fucked up this morning from sleeping in my car

Apr 23, 2024 8:25:07 AM Me

Can’t turn left

Apr 23, 2024 8:25:26 AM Me

Ok quiet for real now

Apr 23, 2024 9:55:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good post:

Apr 23, 2024 9:55:21 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/sanjaymudnaney_ageism-activity-7183659694102573056-IAyo

Apr 23, 2024 4:00:19 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Updated LInkedIn About and Experience Section:

Apr 23, 2024 4:00:20 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Google Docs

Apr 23, 2024 4:00:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Updated Resume:

Apr 23, 2024 4:00:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Google Docs

Apr 23, 2024 4:01:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My CMF Statement: I am seeking a remote senior-level IC design role collaborating with founders on complex design problems in healthcare, software, or the arts at an early-stage startup in need of design strategy and execution.

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Apr 23, 2024 4:02:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, computer running out of batteries.

Apr 23, 2024 4:02:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Changing location

Apr 23, 2024 4:02:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Like that CMF???

Apr 23, 2024 4:02:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That took months

Apr 23, 2024 4:03:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Since end of Jan.

Apr 23, 2024 4:03:09 PM Me

Its hard to do.

Apr 23, 2024 4:03:18 PM Me

It reads and sounds simple.

Apr 23, 2024 4:03:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

VERY HARD to write for oneself AND have others see it aligned with you

Apr 23, 2024 4:03:43 PM Me

K, moving

Apr 24, 2024 9:03:50 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola, any chance to look at my resume or LinkedIn edits??

Apr 24, 2024 5:23:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Email the resume

Apr 24, 2024 5:23:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Apr 24, 2024 5:23:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

LinkedIn too?

Apr 24, 2024 5:24:11 PM +13038752587

Logging in to LI now

Apr 24, 2024 5:24:36 PM Me

K

Apr 24, 2024 5:24:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dont have all of that online

Apr 24, 2024 5:24:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Emailing you the links now

Apr 24, 2024 5:28:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sent

Apr 24, 2024 5:28:40 PM Me

Should see them any minute

Apr 24, 2024 5:28:58 PM Me

I’m streamlining my website too

Apr 24, 2024 5:29:18 PM Me

Modest editing on text based on new CMF statement

Apr 24, 2024 5:29:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

CMF is

Apr 24, 2024 5:29:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am seeking a remote senior-level IC design role collaborating with founders on complex design problems in healthcare, software, or the arts at an early-stage startup in need of design strategy and execution.

Apr 24, 2024 5:33:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, have been working every day since I sent you that beta of my show idea. I have LOTS in progress. Probably over 20 audio files recorded, some transcribed, and going to make an AI of my voice on Play.ht and then have it read my scripts. No uhs, all that. I have 30 background tracks already in the bag. I have well over two dozen royalty free videos that I’ll be using during the monologues. I also have all the pieces for my show intro, audio, video, etc. Want to have at least a basic intro instead of just rolling into it.

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Apr 24, 2024 5:33:56 PM Me

Once I have 2 or 3 under my belt I will automate as much as possible.

Apr 24, 2024 5:34:22 PM Me

I send you the next beta soon

Apr 24, 2024 5:40:41 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

What does IC stand for

Apr 24, 2024 6:47:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Individual Contributor

Apr 24, 2024 6:02:56 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

All looks good

Apr 24, 2024 6:04:59 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

This line - maybe change this to include team and solo projects

Apr 24, 2024 6:05:14 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Single-handedly take ideas from discovery to delivery as a solo designer providing research, design, and testing Providing

Apr 24, 2024 6:06:16 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Or ability to take projects from ideation to viability

Apr 24, 2024 6:47:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Individual Contributor
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 24, 2024 6:47:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Check out my latest wireframe for my mobile app project.

Apr 24, 2024 6:47:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wait see this first:

Apr 24, 2024 6:48:12 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/endritrestelica_ai-tech-innovation-activity-7188929722905489409-GYHQ

Apr 24, 2024 6:50:59 PM Me

Here’s figma

Apr 24, 2024 6:51:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Figma

Apr 25, 2024 3:03:59 PM Me

I just got a text that said dart

Apr 25, 2024 3:05:21 PM Me

Darts are canceled tonight. That’s the second week in a row it’s been canceled or postponed. And it just so happens that the past two weeks have been the lowest I’ve been in this past year and the timing couldn’t be worse. I’m gonna go work at Starbucks for a few hours. Then decide if I’m just gonna stay here in Ojai and go to sleep or drive to Ventura, go out where there’s people, and then go to sleep somewhere I don’t know what to do save money or get out there. And the advice is appreciated.

Apr 25, 2024 3:58:04 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Gary V today Be kind ... first to yourself ... everyone else sucks at things too ... pls take a breathe now and say " I love you" and mean it .. love yourself pls 🩷 you're worth it

Apr 25, 2024 4:00:52 PM Me

Cool

Apr 25, 2024 4:01:19 PM Me

You working tonight?

Apr 25, 2024 4:04:33 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 54 seconds) +13038752587

What activity do you feel called to? Can you go shoot darts somewhere - pickup games? Do you have any dart team members contact numbers who might want to meet up to shoot a few games? What is your current status money wise? How much would you need to go out?

Apr 25, 2024 4:08:57 PM Me

I have less than $100 on hand. No other money or credit available. I door dash about 4 hours tomorrow. Its Tennis Tournament Weekend (Ojai’s version of Traver’s weekend—biggest of the year) so hotels are full and could be LOTS of delivery orders to hotels, etc. Car is paid up until late May. Storage, I need $120 by May 1st to be paid through to June 1st.

Apr 25, 2024 4:10:23 PM +13038752587

Dart team members l?

Apr 25, 2024 4:12:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Right now I think the universe is saying, pause and think about going down there. Now I dont need to. No loss of car juice (have a gripe with charging company going on) and no loss of money going down to Ventura and spending on anything. So, I’ll stay here. Its 3pm I’m in Starbucks Ojai working on portfolio edits. I’m going to keep working until maybe 7pm. I did 12 hours of work on my stuff yesterday, already did 4 today. Been writing, reading, editing, reading, editing, reading. Anyhow, the sooner I get my overhaul done on my materials, the sooner its all aligned and focused on something good and fun.

Apr 25, 2024 4:12:44 PM Me

I’ll play darts by myself later against the bots.

Apr 25, 2024 4:13:09 PM Me

I’ve had no human interaction going into my 4th week.

Apr 25, 2024 4:13:19 PM Me

Other than at registers

Apr 25, 2024 4:13:19 PM +13038752587

How goes the app project?

Apr 25, 2024 4:13:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s he figma link I sent

Apr 25, 2024 4:13:33 PM Me

Going really well

Apr 25, 2024 4:13:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Need to make some minor tweaks and I think we’re into prototype mode

Apr 25, 2024 4:13:59 PM +13038752587

Cool A I need to pull it up on computer to see it - tonight

Apr 25, 2024 4:14:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Would love you to click around when I have that ready for primetime

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Apr 25, 2024 4:14:14 PM Me

The prototype

Apr 25, 2024 4:14:17 PM Me

That is

Apr 25, 2024 4:14:51 PM Me

I’ll give you some user stories, and use cases and see if you can navigate your way through how I describe in words, etc.

Apr 25, 2024 4:15:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok

Apr 25, 2024 4:15:26 PM +13038752587

Brb checking in girls

Apr 25, 2024 4:15:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

np

Apr 25, 2024 4:30:21 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Apr 25, 2024 4:36:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/stevenouri_things-are-moving-fast-this-billboard-activity-7188887190939090944-K334

Apr 25, 2024 4:37:21 PM Me

You’ll love that phone thing. Except what happens in 5 years when all those call center people are replaced by a dozen servers.

Apr 25, 2024 4:49:40 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 13 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Been playing with bland - it’s one of the top AI right now

Apr 25, 2024 4:56:39 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 6 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Check out

Apr 25, 2024 4:56:42 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 6 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

https://vapi.ai/

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Apr 25, 2024 8:06:02 PM Me

I’ll try using it tonight. I just got done at the store buying some groceries. I’m having a hard time right now being out in public. There are moments when I dream about the future and what it could be like and I start crying because I think about where I am now what it’s gonna feel like to be able to go to the supermarket and not think about money and just buy whatever the fuck you want. There’s so many little things that people take for granted and I haven’t had them in a very long time and it hurts a lot and things that you just are fucking inebriated to you just don’t even notice them when you’ve you know a way to make a living and put food in your mouth anyway just sick of feeling like shit

Apr 25, 2024 8:14:00 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 25, 2024 10:39:30 PM Me

This Wow

Apr 25, 2024 10:39:34 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 26, 2024 9:12:14 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Watching the clouds roll by and the birds sing

Apr 26, 2024 9:31:12 AM Me

Got woken up at 5:30am by some asshat parking right next to me with the entire parking lot open and playing their music so loud I could hear it in my car. Bob Marley

Apr 26, 2024 10:49:22 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 17 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Finding the bright side 😀

Apr 26, 2024 9:31:26 AM Me

It could’ve been a worse song

Apr 26, 2024 9:31:34 AM Me

So there’s that

Apr 26, 2024 9:31:55 AM Me

Door dashing most of today

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Apr 26, 2024 9:32:04 AM Me

Another lonely one

Apr 26, 2024 10:33:20 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ugh, have to go door dash.

Apr 26, 2024 10:33:42 AM Me

Would much rather spend time updating my website to get it line with my other materials.

Apr 26, 2024 10:33:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But I need to pay storage and right now I dont have enough money 😟

Apr 26, 2024 10:34:23 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Feeling the fatigue of my existence in my bone marrow

Apr 26, 2024 10:49:22 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 17 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Finding the bright side 😀
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 26, 2024 7:17:24 PM Me

Wut up yo

Apr 26, 2024 7:18:36 PM Me

Just ended door dash. Feeling burned out and tired

Apr 26, 2024 7:19:45 PM Me

Have had my head deep into Adobe premiere pro and Adobe Audition for audio

Apr 26, 2024 7:19:50 PM Me

Learning a lot

Apr 26, 2024 7:22:05 PM Me

Aside from that I’m lying to everyone who asks how I am. Great! I say Fucking liar.

Apr 27, 2024 9:46:17 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Start saying ok you dont have to give an expected reply “good” or “great”. Now the upside of saying great is if you want to reprogram your subconscious in subtle ways. This only requires you to accept that it’s possible to feel great. I suggest not judging yourself for saying great.

Apr 26, 2024 7:23:10 PM Me

I was just at the supermarket and the really cute nice cashier asked me how I was doing and I was walking around inside the store nearly crying because every day is the fucking same and I’m all by myself and I’m depressed as fuck

Apr 27, 2024 9:36:31 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Apr 27, 2024 9:46:17 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Start saying ok you dont have to give an expected reply “good” or “great”. Now the upside of saying great is if you want to reprogram your subconscious in subtle ways. This only requires you to accept that it’s possible to feel great. I suggest not judging yourself for saying great.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 27, 2024 9:47:42 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

He was great actor

Apr 27, 2024 9:53:25 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

You are attempting to appease two gods (beliefs) 1. I don’t like being around people. I’m a lone wolf 🐺 2. I don’t want to be alone everyday. Accepting that depression is part of the game for now, what god do you want to serve. And a better question is what god serves you?

Apr 27, 2024 10:06:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have no idea. I’m too lost and too tired to know. Besides I’m a real bummer to be around. I dont like being with myself because I’m so miserable

Apr 27, 2024 10:08:09 AM Me

I dont like my life and I feel too fucking tired to rebuild it. Everything I got, energy, thought, etc. is poured into keeping my head above water each despite having weights tied around my ankles. Getting through the day is the accomplishment. Thinking about the future, or tomorrows isn’t on the table right now. No time or energy for it dealing with my present situation.

Apr 27, 2024 10:09:19 AM Me

I struggle energy and effort wise just to do that. Forget trying to do more, or be more now. No bandwidth.

Apr 27, 2024 10:11:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, it’s only 9:10am, been online for 40mins, and I’m tired already. My subconscious isn’t letting me sleep at night. I have fight club every night. 😟

Apr 27, 2024 10:11:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have a good weekend 😊

Apr 27, 2024 10:22:33 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

I hear you! Here’s the kicker. You have to think about a future to be able to move beyond the present state. It can be as simple as, taking out a piece of paper and writing down what a better day looks like. Read it to yourself in the morning and envision it. Read it to yourself in the evening and envision it. 5-10m per day. Then do one thing that moves you in that direction daily. (This part is easy as you are doing that anyway). The door dash, is also a step that both puts cash in your pocket and creates a base (even if it’s only a small base to launch from 🚀 ). Find your blessings daily and have a moment of gratitude for what they are.

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Apr 27, 2024 11:57:50 PM Me

I’m still deeply hurting inside I’m not sure I’ll ever heal before I’m dead Like I said to Jenica the last time I saw her, “I’ll get out of this dead or alive” As much as I might want something I don’t have, I’ve been hurt too much and too deep. Walking thru a supermarket and suddenly start crying because of deep down pain. I feel isolated and sad. I went to darts today and felt nothing. Numb I’m finding it difficult to feel positive in any form when my experience of every day feels the same. Lost and losing. K, parked on a street in Ventura and going to sleep now

Apr 28, 2024 9:29:50 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 😃 Do you want to change things? Do you want to heal the hurt? One would think the answer to these questions is obvious, however, I want you to feel into them. Ask yourself what do I get by staying where I am (victimhood and negative self judgement)? Please sit with this last question and list out all the benefits you receive by staying where you are? Love ❤️ -D

Apr 28, 2024 9:41:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

| I want this to end. I’m unsure how I will make that happen, but its going to stop eventually. FIghting it, hating it, loving it, wanting, needing, feeling, etc. none of that changes it, it’s ever-present and has been a part of me my entire life. I’ve not know life with the part of me that needs to die in order for me to be free.
Edited 29 seconds later | I want this to end. I’m unsure how I will make that happen, but its going to stop eventually. FIghting it, hating it, loving it, wanting, needing, feeling, etc. none of that changes it, it’s ever-present and has been a part of me my entire life. I’ve not known life with the part of me that needs to die in order for me to be free.

Apr 28, 2024 9:43:58 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

It’s this entirely invisible thing to others. To me it’s a psychological elephant man. I see it and feel it constantly. An affliction that no amount of medication, meditation, or time is going to tame.

Apr 28, 2024 9:49:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

| It’s NEVER going away. It will never go away entirely until I go away entirely. Life’s not fair. And life is more unfair for some than others. Some through their own faults (born or bred) and decision making, others through not fault of their own. I like to think of myself in the latter camp as if I’ve just ended up here wondering, huh? how the fuck did this happen?!? However, my sitiuation, if I reflect honestly is one through my own faults (genetic and upbringing). To me the most cruel part of this is to have real clarity around all of it, yet stuck when confronting part of yourself that has to die in order for you to truly live and be free. THAT is fucking hard.
Edited 49 seconds later | It’s NEVER going away. It will never go away entirely until I go away entirely. Life’s not fair. And life is more unfair for some than others. Some through their own faults (born or bred) and decision making, others through no fault of their own. I like to think of myself in the latter camp as if I’ve just ended up here wondering, huh? how the fuck did this happen?!? However, my sitiuation, if I reflect honestly is one through my own faults (genetic and upbringing). To me the most cruel part of this is to have real clarity around all of it, yet stuck when confronting part of yourself that has to die in order for you to truly live and be free. THAT is fucking hard.

Apr 28, 2024 9:52:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Like I said, this part of me, the mean spirited, cruel, hateful motherfucker has always been inside me — I always kept it buried because when I was young there would be hell to pay - fire and brimstone, ass whipping and grounding that makes time in jail seem short. Anyhow. Typing this shit out helps in the immediate. I can feel it. But the deeper stuff isn’t going away _ its part of my fabric.

Apr 28, 2024 9:54:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Acceptance and gratitude that I have a hateful motherfucker inside me who’s top priority is to remind me I’m nothing special and I don’t deserve anything special. I’m just here, just existing in this human experience.

Apr 28, 2024 9:55:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I hope there is something after this only so I can feel what its like not to exist here.

Apr 28, 2024 9:56:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Had a question just pop into my head. Am I a whiny bitch? Do I just need to suck this up? I have this feeling but can’t tell where its coming from — the good part or nasty part of me in disguise

Apr 28, 2024 9:57:25 AM Me

Wow. Only up for an hour and that brain dump has me ready for bed.

Apr 28, 2024 9:57:39 AM Me

I must have been in Fight Club last night

Apr 28, 2024 11:32:35 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 29 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Good release

Apr 28, 2024 11:34:47 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 27 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

I believe you can let this identity die and be free of it for good. I believe you have been doing the work to make that happen. It’s been a rough road and there may still be some bumps ahead.

Apr 28, 2024 11:40:55 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 21 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Now, answer the question - how is your current state benefiting you? An example, by keeping myself busy with family stuff, cleaning the house etc I am able to feel I’m contributing. It needs to get done, right? It allows me to have a “justifiable” excuse for not doing the work necessary to change our financial position. This is my dragon. 🐉 Well one of them 😀

Apr 28, 2024 2:06:58 PM Me

Got it. First thing that comes to mind is not having better structure to my day Second is holding myself accountable Third is not beating myself up when I don’t stay on schedule and

Apr 28, 2024 2:08:24 PM Me

No weekly review No goal setting No plans — Sadly I’ve lived most of my life reactively, not proactively

Apr 28, 2024 2:12:00 PM Me

And when I get motivated to get proactive it’s like making a New Year’s resolution. It never sticks, ever ADD OCD Anxiety Depression Depersonalization Isolation Poor/low/non-existent self esteem And a host of others but those tend to be biggies

Apr 28, 2024 2:13:32 PM Me

They’re all in a mind soup whose recipe sucks and tastes terrible 😂

Apr 28, 2024 2:21:31 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Throw out the recipe 😀

Apr 28, 2024 2:21:42 PM Me

Exactly

Apr 28, 2024 2:25:35 PM Me

Without financial stability nothing else happens

Apr 28, 2024 2:27:17 PM Me

At finals of darts 🎯 today

Apr 28, 2024 2:32:49 PM Me

Supposed to DoorDash from 3:30-7 in OJAI Was scheduled to this morning but slept on streets of Ventura last night. Wanted to stay here and watch. Last round of play just started and we’ll know who is champ soon. Maybe by 3pm but I may head back to Ojai at 2:45 to dash. I’m still very tired. Had Fight Club in my sleep again. Anyway… It’s going to take me a long time to recover from this experience. Experiencing 3 life traumas while trying to heal childhood trauma, no biggie

Apr 28, 2024 2:33:11 PM Me

It’s its own trauma thing

Apr 28, 2024 2:35:17 PM Me

So even if you see or say “you’re healing ❤️‍🩹” I feel traumatized by the current situation and don’t feel healing or progress Blinded by my own suffering

Apr 28, 2024 5:11:00 PM Me

Spotify

Apr 28, 2024 7:21:55 PM Me

YouTube

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Apr 28, 2024 7:22:10 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 28, 2024 7:22:49 PM Me

So good

Apr 28, 2024 7:23:03 PM Me

Long silences

Apr 28, 2024 7:25:57 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 35 seconds) +13038752587

I listen tonight

Apr 28, 2024 11:26:55 PM Me

YouTube

Apr 28, 2024 11:27:02 PM Me

Great for sleeping

Apr 29, 2024 9:02:22 AM Me

Hola

Apr 29, 2024 9:04:08 AM Me

at my computer ready to get to work on my shit for another day

Apr 29, 2024 9:04:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feels like Groundhog Day

Apr 29, 2024 9:09:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Word to this…. It can be easy to hear the reality of life, but it can be difficult to understand and accept. This is because the truth is not often supported by the larger community deeply rooted in ignorance.

Apr 29, 2024 9:10:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Same as saying... THEY DONT GET IT

Apr 29, 2024 9:14:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The Buddha teaches that "all phenomena, all conditioned things, are impermanent." Because of this, they give rise to stress. Because of this they are not-self. What we call "self" is a process, not a thing."

Apr 29, 2024 9:15:02 AM Me

A process… Not a thing. 🤯

Apr 29, 2024 9:31:59 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

There is far more to consume and want to do, yet I dont have the organizational and attention abilities to make it happen.

Apr 29, 2024 9:34:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I always end up with stuff I never get to dig into that I would love to. Interesting topics, more learning, more stuff. Not that I need more challenges, but, I’m having a tough time dealing with that kind of mind and my situation. It makes everything take longer, and drags everything out. It adds to frustration and stress significantly because my critic uses it as a weapon against me to point out how I have failed persistently through my life.

Apr 29, 2024 9:35:45 AM Me

I should make either a mind map, or a workflow journey for my way of thinking. I wonder if there’s value in that or is it a fruitless exercise??

Apr 29, 2024 9:35:54 AM Me

Not that I need more to do.

Apr 29, 2024 9:38:56 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

FWIW I created a frame for my weekly days. Has all my standard things I do every day. Email, big project work, project reviews + Updates, then 2 more hours of afternoon work.

Apr 29, 2024 9:38:59 AM Me

Up at 7 start at 8am end at 3:30ish

Apr 29, 2024 9:39:03 AM Me

Thoughts??

Apr 29, 2024 9:51:18 AM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

Drifting to sleep on quick read it all makes sense and sounds good

Apr 29, 2024 9:51:35 AM +13038752587

I’ll be online around me 3 pst

Apr 29, 2024 9:51:43 AM +13038752587

Ttyl

Apr 29, 2024 9:51:55 AM Me

Listen to the BBC weather vid I sent. Youll sleep in minutes 😊

Apr 29, 2024 10:16:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I would so love to just get to the orange level…

Apr 29, 2024 4:22:34 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 43 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Sweet - we have a target 🎯

Apr 29, 2024 2:07:47 PM Me

Apr 29, 2024 4:21:22 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 44 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

I screenshot that one too

Apr 29, 2024 4:22:34 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 43 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Sweet - we have a target 🎯
This message responded to an earlier message.

Apr 29, 2024 4:23:24 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 42 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Whats the first one step?

Apr 29, 2024 7:06:37 PM Me

I still need one red item, shelter

Apr 29, 2024 7:07:02 PM Me

I need to not be thinking about where I’m sleeping every day

Apr 29, 2024 7:17:46 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

What are the available options for shelter?

Apr 29, 2024 7:56:24 PM Me

Stationary shelter is a place of my own. An apartment

Apr 29, 2024 7:57:41 PM Me

Not a room in a place with strangers. I need my own cocoon that is where I can get my self care on

Apr 29, 2024 7:58:09 PM Me

The latter adds stress to an already full plate 🍽️

Apr 29, 2024 7:58:42 PM Me

| A neurodivergent major depressive, who is functional enable to fool the world that he’s normal
Edited 16 seconds later | A neurodivergent major depressive, who is functional and able to fool the world that he’s normal

Apr 29, 2024 8:00:31 PM Me

| Also, on a side track, I’m excited to share my audio video. Art with you soon. I’ve been quiet because I’ve been knowing away like a chipmunk on it. I’ve been learning premier and audition and having fun learning some new software. So it’s good to learn new stuff plus it’s a great distraction from Reality for a few minutes
Edited 42 seconds later | Also, on a side track, I’m excited to share my audio video/art with you soon. I’ve been quiet because I’ve been gnawing away like a chipmunk on it. I’ve been learning premier and audition and having fun learning some new software. So it’s good to learn new stuff plus it’s a great distraction from Reality for a few minutes

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Apr 29, 2024 8:06:19 PM Me

Just like with a design project, there are a myriad of assets you need in order to produce the finished product. Some of these assets I’m able to get through stock video and photo. Some I can’t and either make it myself or use AI to help. I first record all audio raw with me just riffing in my phone. I take that file and have AI transcribe it. I then take all those transcriptions and feed it to ChatGPT one of the GPT’s that I created specialized in radio noir. It helps me create Scripps and give an extra bit of depth and description to things . Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. I have entire seasons and episodes already mapped out and I have the first episodes transcript which I will edit tonight. I have also cloned my voice in Play.Ht So what I will do is feed my transcripts to play HT and generate MP3 files of the voice, my Artificial voice, reading my writing That’s kind of fucking wild that the AI helped me write it and it mimics my voice based on a 32nd audio sample, and Ken create finished readings of the transcripts for me in one take whereas me being human will, uhhhh, do this, uhhhh Anyhow, once I share it with you and you check it out if you’re curious, I could meet online with you and do a screen share and show you what I did and how I made it. Of course the way that I create digital things is always looking forward so that the files I create become master files and I can replicate what I do over and over and over again. Because within a year maybe two I will be able to tell AI what to do with my raw audio and have it come out the other hand as a finished piece of work that sounds exactly like me.

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Apr 29, 2024 8:06:35 PM Me

🙃

Apr 29, 2024 8:06:42 PM Me

🤯

Apr 29, 2024 8:06:55 PM Me

🤖

Apr 29, 2024 8:09:33 PM Me

Dropbox

Apr 29, 2024 8:09:33 PM Me

Here is Ai reading my project name

Apr 30, 2024 1:39:46 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 13 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Send this to my email- can’t access on phone

Apr 30, 2024 9:39:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey, good morning or evening — not sure which it is for you

Apr 30, 2024 9:40:36 AM Me

Back at Starbucks working again this morning. Then around 12:30 I plan to go up to Thacher and work in the dining hall during the afternoon. Then I’ll take Weston for a walk later.

Apr 30, 2024 9:42:04 AM Me

My days are full of depression, work, and isolation and loneliness. Go to sleep. Wake up do it again. Now repeat for 11 months. Sounds fun doesn’t it. 😊

Apr 30, 2024 12:02:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This is fucking amazing.

Apr 30, 2024 12:04:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

1. I recorded raw audio of me speaking. 2. Fed it to AI - Transcribed it to raw text. 3. Edit to make sure that the transcription is correct 4. Feed raw text to Play.ht and generate audio one paragraph at a time. 5. Review the result. Speed up or slow down voice based on your preferences, then generate audio 5. You end up with what I have attached here. This is not me speaking. Its AI. I cloned my voice. Have to say my clone sounds better than me.

Apr 30, 2024 12:04:53 PM Me

🤯

Apr 30, 2024 12:05:31 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

My thoughts spoken in a stream of consciousness. Then replicated by AI.

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Apr 30, 2024 5:03:01 PM Me

Is it awake time for you now?

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Apr 30, 2024 5:04:20 PM Me

At least I’m not bored

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Apr 30, 2024 6:12:05 PM +13038752587

Sending two email

Apr 30, 2024 6:12:12 PM +13038752587

#1

Apr 30, 2024 6:12:20 PM +13038752587

#2

Apr 30, 2024 6:12:24 PM Me

What about

Apr 30, 2024 6:12:43 PM +13038752587

Click and watch - very short

Apr 30, 2024 6:13:01 PM Me

K

Apr 30, 2024 6:13:16 PM Me

K

Apr 30, 2024 6:13:59 PM Me

Really angry and depressed right now simultaneously and when I’m like this, it’s a good thing I don’t have a gun cause I would just go fucking bananas

Apr 30, 2024 6:14:36 PM Me

I just got triggered really hard but I am driving in the car now and changing my location so all will be good in a few minutes

Apr 30, 2024 7:08:12 PM Me

All good

Apr 30, 2024 7:08:52 PM Me

FYI Darragh has decided for Lewis and Clark in Portland for college

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Apr 30, 2024 7:09:42 PM Me

Now I want to help him pay, but have no means Somehow, someway it will happen

Apr 30, 2024 7:10:34 PM Me

No fucking idea right now but that’s ok. What’s important today I think Is intention Put that shit out there

Apr 30, 2024 7:10:44 PM Me

Amiright?

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Apr 30, 2024 7:11:47 PM Me

6 months from now I’m in that beachfront apartment

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Apr 30, 2024 7:11:50 PM Me

😁

Apr 30, 2024 7:27:44 PM Me

I wanted to be there already I should be there and have my Rivian

Apr 30, 2024 7:28:22 PM Me

Fucking universe making me wait Tick fucking Tock Bitches

Apr 30, 2024 7:28:25 PM +13038752587

Don’t should on yourself 🤣

Apr 30, 2024 7:28:58 PM Me

YouTube

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Apr 30, 2024 7:29:22 PM +13038752587

You are here , you know where you going, now take the next step

Apr 30, 2024 7:29:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Clip this for you

Apr 30, 2024 7:29:45 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

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Apr 30, 2024 7:30:05 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Zoom in on front wheel area

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Apr 30, 2024 7:30:37 PM Me

I’m a little bitch right now

Apr 30, 2024 7:30:55 PM Me

And I’ve fucking earned every second of it

Apr 30, 2024 7:31:02 PM Me

As is said

Apr 30, 2024 7:31:05 PM Me

Suck it

Apr 30, 2024 7:31:08 PM Me

Hahahaha

Apr 30, 2024 7:31:10 PM +13038752587

Getting in shower

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Apr 30, 2024 7:31:47 PM Me

I’m laughing over here and that’s rare

Apr 30, 2024 7:32:10 PM Me

Just saw a sexy tattooed blonde walk by

Apr 30, 2024 7:32:13 PM Me

Wow

Apr 30, 2024 7:32:56 PM Me

Btw I miss Jenica like crazy

Apr 30, 2024 7:33:24 PM Me

She literally checks all my boxes

Apr 30, 2024 7:33:45 PM Me

K back to work

Apr 30, 2024 10:43:55 PM Me

Messing around with DallE

Apr 30, 2024 10:44:43 PM Me

Early rendition

May 01, 2024 9:19:39 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 46 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

HaPpY BiRtHdAY 🎂🎁🎉

May 01, 2024 9:20:26 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 45 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Welcome to the double nickel club!

May 01, 2024 9:37:28 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 28 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

| Birthday present Venmo’s
Edited 19 seconds later | Birthday present Venmo’d

May 01, 2024 5:00:19 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

How goes the day?

May 01, 2024 5:05:36 PM Me

No bueno. Ideation all morning. Feeling intense loneliness. Distractions with work etc don’t really work Just another shitty birthday alone. This makes three or four in a row., I can’t remember I lost count.

May 01, 2024 5:06:10 PM Me

About to go into Starbucks and try to do some work on the computer. I’m scheduled to DoorDash from 6 to 8 and then I’ll probably just go to bed in my car in the park

May 01, 2024 5:20:31 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Did you check your Venmo

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May 01, 2024 5:06:52 PM Me

My birthday is like a shitty day but 10x

May 01, 2024 5:24:14 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I imagine you’ve been playing a comparison game. And letting self judgement rule the land. Suggestion - burn 🔥 that fucking game - it’s evil 😈.

May 01, 2024 5:08:02 PM Me

Wondering if I should cancel DoorDash Not feeling

May 01, 2024 5:08:06 PM Me

It

May 01, 2024 5:09:28 PM Me

Think I’m going to Thoughts on the canceling

May 01, 2024 5:09:43 PM Me

I’ll likely use the time and work on my art I won’t be idle

May 01, 2024 5:11:15 PM Me

I’m going to cancel unless you advise me not to

May 01, 2024 5:11:41 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Don’t cancel it

May 01, 2024 5:11:53 PM Me

Fuck

May 01, 2024 5:12:12 PM Me

Well there goes any darts or chilling fuck

May 01, 2024 5:12:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wait

May 01, 2024 5:12:38 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 2 seconds) +13038752587

I thought you meant for good

May 01, 2024 5:12:46 PM (Read by you after 54 seconds) +13038752587

Do you just mean for today

May 01, 2024 5:13:49 PM Me

Just my 6-8 tonight

May 01, 2024 5:15:30 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

How much do you stand to make roughly?

May 01, 2024 5:16:01 PM Me

Anywhere from 25 to 40 at most

May 01, 2024 5:18:10 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

It’s your birthday 🥳.

May 01, 2024 5:19:45 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Do something that brings you joy!

May 01, 2024 5:20:31 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Did you check your Venmo

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This message responded to an earlier message.

May 01, 2024 5:24:14 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I imagine you’ve been playing a comparison game. And letting self judgement rule the land. Suggestion - burn 🔥 that fucking game - it’s evil 😈.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 01, 2024 5:24:47 PM Me

Thx 4 Venmo

May 01, 2024 5:25:16 PM Me

Went to beach meditated 30 mins with feet buried in the sand

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May 01, 2024 5:25:31 PM Me

Then put my feet in the freezing water

May 01, 2024 5:26:11 PM Me

I’m trying to regroup and get going

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May 01, 2024 5:26:27 PM +13038752587

Im sending my you two Darren Daily’s - good messages.

May 01, 2024 5:27:13 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/unlocking-the-real-causes-of-procrastination

May 01, 2024 5:27:30 PM +13038752587

Listen in order sent.

May 01, 2024 5:27:44 PM Me

Ok

May 01, 2024 5:27:51 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/how-to-escape-the-procrastination-trap

May 01, 2024 5:29:16 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Oh yeah, have you texted, chatted with east coast family today

May 01, 2024 5:29:43 PM Me

No

May 01, 2024 9:45:56 PM Me

Want to create a fractional marketing company?

May 01, 2024 9:46:31 PM Me

Subscriber based. Monthly fee. One project at a time, and as many projects as you want but one at a time. And limited number of meetings per project.

May 01, 2024 9:47:13 PM Me

So one project could go over many months you could do as many as five projects in one month, but the fee per month stays the same. And it’s fractional because you could have multiple clients paying you that monthly nut

May 01, 2024 9:47:24 PM Me

Between the two of us, we should be able to crush something like this

May 01, 2024 9:47:50 PM Me

If you’re interested, I could send you links to a bunch of articles I’ve read about it

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May 01, 2024 9:48:15 PM Me

And there are a lot of companies that it would be happy to play a flat fee to know they always have somebody that can work on their shit

May 01, 2024 9:48:46 PM Me

Fees are paid upfront. So the month you’re working has already been paid for if you don’t get payment by the first of the month project stop

May 01, 2024 9:49:49 PM Me

It’s pretty goddamn simple. We would have to build up a subscriber base but I figure with your marketing knowledge of Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. we could likely target small businesses and buy small. I mean 50 to 100 employees without a full creative team.

May 01, 2024 9:51:06 PM Me

There is definitely a specific size of business that is too small to have an in-house team but it’s bigger than just mom and Pop who have no fucking marketing budget and you literally have to do a blood letting to get paid

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May 01, 2024 9:51:29 PM Me

And I know you know

May 01, 2024 9:53:06 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

So true

May 01, 2024 9:53:42 PM +13038752587

Upload articles to Claude or gpt and send me a summary

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May 01, 2024 9:53:54 PM Me

Anyhow, just ranting and riffing I’m gonna go distract myself with a beer at Topa Topa

May 01, 2024 10:07:59 PM Me

So I walk into the tasting room for Topa Topa brewing across from Chevron if you know where that is in downtown Ojai anyhow, I proceeded to walk in people are drinking all over the place and I walk up to the bar and they say we’re so sorry we had last call. The tabs are closed and I said it’s 9 o’clock, you guys are open till 10 they’re like yes but we close the tabs so I proceeded to pull out my license and show them it’s literally my fucking birthday and you’re telling me I cannot get a fucking beer on my birthday. They felt quite bad so they gave me one of their 19.2 ounce beers to go. now I get to sit in the park and drink alone. Instead of having the beer in the bar. They were explicit to me and said that’s to go I had to take it and leave. so please, for the record note that I tried to go out and sit am and potentially socialized with who the fuck knows but the universe set up this fucking wall for some goddamn reason that’s unbeknownst to me driving me the fuck bananas that’s for goddamn sure

May 01, 2024 10:09:20 PM Me

Also, I went to Westridge to get a freshly made gluten-free pizza for dinner and they were out of gluten-free dough. So it’s turkey, cheese and maybe some chips with my beer tonight alone. That’s it.

May 01, 2024 10:11:45 PM Me

May 01, 2024 10:12:00 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Smile - don’t take it personally. You got a free beer 🍻

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May 01, 2024 10:12:35 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

I imagine there are other bars open if you want socialization

May 01, 2024 10:13:05 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Perhaps the universe is pointing you somewhere else.

May 01, 2024 10:15:21 PM +13038752587

First text was meant to be WTF 😳 Then smile …

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May 01, 2024 10:16:16 PM Me

May 01, 2024 10:17:00 PM Me

Sitting in the middle of town, Libby Park. If you know where the post office is on the corner with the big tower Bell tower, I am a couple hundred feet to the left of that tower sitting on a bench by the big fountain at the front of the park Right by where I used to take the kids to the playground when they were little

May 01, 2024 10:20:41 PM Me

I can sum up a big dissatisfaction with my life pretty simply. Too many ideas not enough time mental illness, preventing optimal execution of any efforts No illness far more output and completion. Main issue is starting and never finishing then believing feelings of failure.

May 01, 2024 10:26:35 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This resonates with me. This is the true entrepreneurs dilemma- the successful folks don’t sweat “failure”.

May 01, 2024 10:28:17 PM ⇲ Me

Some don’t even reach failure of idea They reach failure of self VERY different worlds/paradigms

May 01, 2024 10:28:51 PM ⇲ Me

The self fails to execute the idea to see if it would fail or succeed

May 03, 2024 10:22:43 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Probably most - or they did not expand themselves

May 03, 2024 10:23:11 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I’ve done both

May 01, 2024 10:21:23 PM Me

Wash rinse repeat Welcome to Groundhog Day

May 01, 2024 10:24:46 PM Me

Anyhow, I have been chipping away at something that is probably the least potential for any kind of monetary payback But it’s the most personal and RC and weird at the same time. You’ll get it when you see it. I am about to head back to the car and actually work on a piece of it right now. I have all the desperate pieces it’s just a matter of assembly And fine tuning the editing. The thing I’m working on at the moment intro bumper that then introduces you to the episode. I have episodes and once I get the intro and outro bumpers dialed in it’s production time. I’m also well aware of the 8020 principal and I would take it to 6040 because I know that if this word is somehow persist that the intro will likely go undergo tweaking.

May 01, 2024 10:25:09 PM Me

I’m sorry for any sentences or words that don’t make sense. I’m letting the phone interpret my voice and then just sending it. I’m doing zero proofreading.

May 01, 2024 10:26:10 PM Me

By the way, I have recently found some pretty cool, YouTube channels. This one in particular I know will interest you. If you did not have a wife and children, you might actually join this guy.

May 01, 2024 10:26:17 PM Me

YouTube

May 01, 2024 10:26:35 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This resonates with me. This is the true entrepreneurs dilemma- the successful folks don’t sweat “failure”.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 01, 2024 10:28:17 PM ⇱ Me

Some don’t even reach failure of idea They reach failure of self VERY different worlds/paradigms
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 01, 2024 10:28:51 PM ⇱ Me

The self fails to execute the idea to see if it would fail or succeed
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 01, 2024 10:29:43 PM Me

That’s why you should get big bottles of vodka and put on a tape recorder and just fucking go bananas on reflecting all the bullshit that grips your fucking throat as you try to live every day

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May 01, 2024 10:38:58 PM Me

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May 03, 2024 10:21:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Well, it’s another day I’m conscious but feel like I didnt sleep last night

May 03, 2024 10:21:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Must be another night of fight club

May 03, 2024 10:22:43 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Probably most - or they did not expand themselves
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 03, 2024 10:23:11 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I’ve done both
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 03, 2024 10:23:48 AM Me

Find myself Fed up, Angry, Depressessed and a new clarity that multiple parts of my personality are frozen in time from the past.

May 03, 2024 10:24:54 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Get out the flame 🔥 thrower

May 03, 2024 10:25:16 AM Me

Parts of you can get so fucked up from trauma that you “freeze” or encapsulate that part of yourself. Explains why I feel incredibly inferior to other people everywhere even when I’m 30 years older

May 03, 2024 10:26:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I often feel like a kid. If I didnt know my age I would say I’m in my 20s

May 03, 2024 10:26:15 AM +13038752587

The only battle we ever really wage is one with ourselves.

May 03, 2024 10:27:10 AM +13038752587

The only person we are truly angry with is ourselves

May 03, 2024 10:27:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, time to go run on the fucking mind treadmill all day only to end up all alone in my car parked on some random street. Wash rinse repeat

May 03, 2024 10:27:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Life is shit

May 03, 2024 10:27:35 AM +13038752587

Change the pattern- it’s your choice

May 03, 2024 10:27:47 AM Me

Sad to think that over maybe past 6 years or so I’ve wanted to be not alive versus alive most days

May 03, 2024 10:28:12 AM Me

I have no memories, just blanks when I try to think of things from recent times

May 03, 2024 10:28:48 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Quit the drugs

May 03, 2024 10:29:02 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Alcohol and weed that is

May 03, 2024 10:29:22 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

You will find clarity on the other side

May 03, 2024 10:29:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Why would I want to remember any of this anyway. Hahaha

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May 03, 2024 10:29:44 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I’m 4 months no alcohol

May 03, 2024 10:28:19 AM +13038752587

Forgive yourself for who you were when xyz happened. The let it go

May 03, 2024 10:28:48 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Quit the drugs
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 03, 2024 10:29:02 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Alcohol and weed that is
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 03, 2024 10:29:22 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

You will find clarity on the other side
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May 03, 2024 10:29:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Why would I want to remember any of this anyway. Hahaha

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May 03, 2024 10:29:44 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I’m 4 months no alcohol
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May 03, 2024 10:30:00 AM Me

That’s why people numb, shit hurts too fucking hard.

May 03, 2024 10:30:09 AM Me

I know

May 03, 2024 10:30:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, go about your day. You have kids and busy family life

May 03, 2024 10:30:54 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

More than most - you been going head to head with the pain

May 03, 2024 10:34:25 AM ⇲ Me

I take it on full stop and let it burn. I definitely take on the feelings. I feel the feelings. But even then, the feelings become TOO much. Like when I say if I was near a gun…. Shit does get that bad. And more often that I care to admit. I understand why people snap because I have multiple times but have been able to somehow get myself back to center. I’ll be better when either this episode is over, or I am done and gone. Its one or the other.

May 03, 2024 10:30:56 AM Me

I’m not your problem

May 03, 2024 10:31:21 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

| I agree - I don’t view as a problem
Edited 1 minute, 31 seconds later | I agree - I don’t view you as a problem

May 03, 2024 10:32:00 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

| No - stop the depressive mind shit 💩 And find beauty in the day
Edited 25 seconds later | Now - stop the depressive mind shit 💩 And find beauty in the day

May 03, 2024 10:32:36 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Also send me 411 on fraction articles

May 03, 2024 10:33:23 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Love ❤️ and peace ☮️

May 03, 2024 10:34:25 AM ⇱ Me

I take it on full stop and let it burn. I definitely take on the feelings. I feel the feelings. But even then, the feelings become TOO much. Like when I say if I was near a gun…. Shit does get that bad. And more often that I care to admit. I understand why people snap because I have multiple times but have been able to somehow get myself back to center. I’ll be better when either this episode is over, or I am done and gone. Its one or the other.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 03, 2024 10:35:27 AM Me

Like I said to Jenica with tears in my eyes, I’ll get out of my current situation dead or alive — I just don’t know what it will be

May 03, 2024 10:39:43 AM Me

What hurts is that I could be with her if my shit was together—job, apt, etc. I can’t blame her, she has lot going on in her life and doesn’t need someone to help get on their feet — and like I said to you I’m not either of yours problems. I’ll dredge up the articles on the fractional stuff. I looked yesterday but came up empty

May 03, 2024 7:17:14 PM Me

My favorite part of the week Weekends when I’m reminded that I am broke and alone. It’s the homelessness that makes everything really difficult for me

May 03, 2024 7:20:02 PM Me

Was about to go sit by myself at the bar at the tasting room but it’s $8 for one pint and that’s too much for my budget. to spend money I don’t really have that puts me in a place where everyone is happy and with other people.

May 03, 2024 7:20:30 PM Me

Sucks that going out anywhere is triggering

May 03, 2024 7:22:20 PM Me

K going to walk around the block and then see how I feel

May 03, 2024 7:51:28 PM Me

Didn’t help. Feel more shitty because I saw 👀 lots of jolly people out having drinks and good times.

May 03, 2024 7:51:43 PM Me

Over the course of a year I’ve missed out on a lot

May 03, 2024 7:52:35 PM Me

Started MAX depression meds today on one of two I take for the dark side

May 03, 2024 7:55:30 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Time do to some art

May 04, 2024 5:18:38 PM Me

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May 04, 2024 7:42:18 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

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May 04, 2024 8:54:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The other choices. — The intentional, noticed choices are obvious. “Vanilla or chocolate?” But most of the choices we live with are unseen. They’re expensive, challenging and invisible. When we plan an event with an outdoor component, we’re choosing to be anxious about the weather in the week leading up to the big day. When we buy something with a credit card, we’re choosing the long-term cost of paying the ongoing debt. When we stick with a deadend job instead of quitting today, tomorrow’s angst was a choice. These invisible choices are all around us, often hidden by forces that would rather we didn’t think about them. And it’s usually easier to simply look the other way. But they’re still choices.

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May 04, 2024 8:55:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Beyond CRM — Many marketers spend time with their CRM systems. Expensive cloud-based tools that automate Customer Relationship Management. Maybe customers don’t want to be managed. They probably don’t. It might be more useful to think of our most important work as customer relationship leadership. CRL is voluntary. It’s done with customers and for them, not to them. It’s not an app, it’s a point of view.

May 04, 2024 8:59:04 PM Me

Check this:

May 04, 2024 8:59:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Instagram

May 04, 2024 9:01:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

| Here’s the guts of the article that I want you to read about “Fractional and Subscription Based” What’s a fractional design agency? Fractional design agencies offer services on a part-time basis and engage with clients as needed. Agencies like Flexxi and Continuum are crushing the fractional niche. Some nuances of the fractional positioning: 1) They deliver like an agency. I spoke with Allie Vogel, Founder and Head of Design at Flexxi, who told me that her agency may be a temporary solution, but they leave a lasting impression. Their approach? Treat clients like Flexxi is part of their in-house team—while shipping like an agency. “We’re not just delivering the work. We’re teaching the in-house team how to do work more effectively,” she told me. 2) They “embed” differently for each client. Some companies may want a fractional designer to help grow their in-house team, while others may seek a long-term partnership with fractional designers for their external perspective—they like to keep “fresh eyes on retainer,” as Allie told me. 3) They act as a true strategic partner. In many ways, fractional agencies act as an individual, temporary CDO with an on-call team of ICs to tap into as needed. “We’re placing designers at companies that essentially ‘rent’ the designer," Allie told me. "With the traditional freelance model, if the freelancer is sick or goes on vacation, the client is out of luck. But with a fractional agency, the client has a whole team behind them." P.S. Allie said Flexxi is looking for designers. Hit her up to learn more! Sound like your vibe? Fractional may be for you if you have: The ability to set clear boundaries with clients Deep experience as an individual strategic partner Willingness to embed into product teams like a full-time designer (with part-time hours) What’s a subscription design agency? Subscription design services charge a flat monthly fee in exchange for unlimited design requests each month. A few agencies I’m watching are Off Menu, Endless, Designjoy, and Rex. Let’s look at the nuances: 1) They see fast and furious as a lifestyle, not a phase. Subscription design agencies work quickly and ship quicker—they typically offer three- to four-day turnarounds and unlimited monthly requests. This may sound like a lot (it is), so to offset chaos, subscription agencies hold artificial limitations—they accept one request at a time and take limited meetings. 2) They have high-ticket monthly fees. Just like a product subscription, all fees are typically paid upfront. This model simplifies payments—so the agency doesn’t have to track time, submit itemized invoices, etc. This model is built for a specific type of client that wants predictable monthly fees, even if they’re high, and a reliable service provider for a higher volume of tasks. Side note: Higher churn is expected with subscription models, but some argue this doesn't matter if you have a good funnel for marketing and sales. 3) And they have the potential to make millions. One such agency is Off Menu, founded by Hunter Hammonds. But this doesn’t happen overnight. As Hunter shares in this thread: If you’re considering building a subscription agency, these skills will give you a head start: The ability to provide quality work under tight timelines A turnkey onboarding process for fast client ramping Clear communication surrounding scope of work But what about traditional agencies? New models aside, there are still unique ways to position traditional agencies to stand out in today's market. Reboot is a great example. The bottom line: Freelance design models keep evolving: Fractional and subscription design agencies will likely look different even six months from now. At the end of the day, these new models are a testament to the resilience of designers. When all odds are against us, we find ways to adapt.
Edited 1 minute, 12 seconds later | Here’s the guts of the article that I want you to read about “Fractional and Subscription Based” What’s a fractional design agency? Fractional design agencies offer services on a part-time basis and engage with clients as needed. Agencies like Flexxi and Continuum are crushing the fractional niche. Some nuances of the fractional positioning: 1) They deliver like an agency. I spoke with Allie Vogel, Founder and Head of Design at Flexxi, who told me that her agency may be a temporary solution, but they leave a lasting impression. Their approach? Treat clients like Flexxi is part of their in-house team—while shipping like an agency. “We’re not just delivering the work. We’re teaching the in-house team how to do work more effectively,” she told me. 2) They “embed” differently for each client. Some companies may want a fractional designer to help grow their in-house team, while others may seek a long-term partnership with fractional designers for their external perspective—they like to keep “fresh eyes on retainer,” as Allie told me. 3) They act as a true strategic partner. In many ways, fractional agencies act as an individual, temporary CDO with an on-call team of ICs to tap into as needed. “We’re placing designers at companies that essentially ‘rent’ the designer," Allie told me. "With the traditional freelance model, if the freelancer is sick or goes on vacation, the client is out of luck. But with a fractional agency, the client has a whole team behind them." P.S. Allie said Flexxi is looking for designers. Hit her up to learn more! Sound like your vibe? Fractional may be for you if you have: The ability to set clear boundaries with clients Deep experience as an individual strategic partner Willingness to embed into product teams like a full-time designer (with part-time hours) What’s a subscription design agency? Subscription design services charge a flat monthly fee in exchange for unlimited design requests each month. A few agencies I’m watching are Off Menu, Endless, Designjoy, and Rex. Let’s look at the nuances: 1) They see fast and furious as a lifestyle, not a phase. Subscription design agencies work quickly and ship quicker—they typically offer three- to four-day turnarounds and unlimited monthly requests. This may sound like a lot (it is), so to offset chaos, subscription agencies hold artificial limitations—they accept one request at a time and take limited meetings. 2) They have high-ticket monthly fees. Just like a product subscription, all fees are typically paid upfront. This model simplifies payments—so the agency doesn’t have to track time, submit itemized invoices, etc. This model is built for a specific type of client that wants predictable monthly fees, even if they’re high, and a reliable service provider for a higher volume of tasks. Side note: Higher churn is expected with subscription models, but some argue this doesn't matter if you have a good funnel for marketing and sales. 3) And they have the potential to make millions. One such agency is Off Menu, founded by Hunter Hammonds. But this doesn’t happen overnight. As Hunter shares in this thread: If you’re considering building a subscription agency, these skills will give you a head start: The ability to provide quality work under tight timelines A turnkey onboarding process for fast client ramping Clear communication surrounding scope of work But what about traditional agencies? New models aside, there are still unique ways to position traditional agencies to stand out in today's market. Reboot is a great example. The bottom line: Freelance design models keep evolving: Fractional and subscription design agencies will likely look different even six months from now. At the end of the day, these new models are a testament to the resilience of designers. When all odds are against us, we find ways to adapt.

May 05, 2024 11:29:16 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 30 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I’m thinking a hybrid approach possibly. Fractional to limits numbers of clients needed to sustain business model. With the subscription model of one project at a time. Work as part of the team and design on demand.

May 04, 2024 9:02:21 PM Me

lmkw

May 04, 2024 9:05:44 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 5 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll watch and read later - movie time with the girls

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May 05, 2024 8:42:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there

May 05, 2024 8:43:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

got woken up before 6am. Someone listening to Kendrick Lamar SO LOUD Not the way I wanted to wake up. Couldnt go back to sleep so I’m in Starbucks at 7:30am back to work.

May 05, 2024 10:11:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey yo

May 05, 2024 10:11:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been working for about 2 hours on my updated homepage. Almost ready to have you smash it.

May 05, 2024 10:12:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Came up with the most distilled version to say “what I do” to anyone and they can understand what I do. First time I’ve ever read/seen this statement.

May 05, 2024 10:12:31 AM Me

Only 5 words

May 05, 2024 10:12:39 AM Me

“I design ideas into software.”

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May 05, 2024 10:13:28 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

OR

May 05, 2024 10:13:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I design software from ideas.

May 05, 2024 10:18:04 AM Me

—- Dart 🎯 Tournament today in Ventura First Sunday every month Open tournament 🏟️ $10 buy in

May 05, 2024 11:29:16 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 30 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I’m thinking a hybrid approach possibly. Fractional to limits numbers of clients needed to sustain business model. With the subscription model of one project at a time. Work as part of the team and design on demand.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 05, 2024 11:32:19 AM Me

Not following you

May 05, 2024 11:32:49 AM Me

Do both?

May 05, 2024 11:33:08 AM Me

Same biz? Or setup as separate??

May 05, 2024 11:33:25 AM Me

One site/facade for each

May 05, 2024 11:34:25 AM Me

With the right stable of clients that could be a very profitable and sustainable model. The key is finding that right size of company. That’s too small to have their own in-house people but also not too big that they do or they’re growing and they need supplement the staff.

May 05, 2024 11:34:47 AM Me

I think they are different clients

May 05, 2024 11:35:22 AM Me

You’ve got the subscription model, which is the smaller company who needs full projects cranked out. The fractional model is where a big company and we need an extra designer for two months to push through a project

May 05, 2024 11:35:36 AM Me

Am I tracking you right with that?

May 05, 2024 11:40:36 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

I hear you - what I’m thinking 💭 Is basically a service that is the design team small or large projects. But it’s on demand. Priced per month.

May 05, 2024 11:41:43 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

So for smaller companies that need an in house team but don’t have the budget.

May 05, 2024 11:43:07 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

How much does a team cost a business? How much does an agency charge a business?

May 05, 2024 11:44:13 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

And for fun we can create a team of agents to do the initial creation of a lot.

May 05, 2024 12:19:46 PM Me

So if I’m hearing you right, we need to discover what the answers are to those questions

May 05, 2024 12:20:05 PM Me

what is “team of agents”

May 05, 2024 1:13:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

See my new navigation for my site.

May 05, 2024 1:13:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.awesomescreenshot.com/video/27372491

May 05, 2024 1:14:07 PM Me

Video capture. Off to dart tournament.

May 05, 2024 11:59:46 PM Me

Feeling incredibly sad and alone going to bed now. I’m not sure I’ll ever get through this. Realizing how much of my life has been wasted

May 06, 2024 12:02:18 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

You will

May 06, 2024 12:02:27 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I’m here to lean on

May 06, 2024 12:04:30 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

When we reflect on life we often focus on what we did not due instead of focusing on what we did!

May 06, 2024 12:05:26 AM Me

Watched a movie and got triggered

May 06, 2024 12:06:37 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 58 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

You were not the man you now are. It’s is easy to think how differently you may have done things from your current perspective. However, this is not the perspective you had then.

May 06, 2024 9:09:07 AM Me

Just woke up. Feeling I wish I hadn’t. It’s going to take a LONG time to heal my brain from this if I ever do. I’ve been pushed so hard and so far that I’ll never feel settled in my mind and body. I haven’t been settled my whole life, but I was hoping that I could feel normal once before I die

May 06, 2024 9:09:30 AM Me

Being alive hurts a lot

May 06, 2024 9:16:14 AM Me

I feel I don’t belong anywhere. That wherever I am I shouldn’t be because I’m homeless and don’t belong. The feeling of “not belonging” to the rest of everyone around me is huge and strong. It makes me leave somewhere as soon as I feel that “don’t belong” vibe

May 06, 2024 9:16:55 AM Me

Inferiority complex is LARGE

May 06, 2024 9:18:31 AM Me

I’ve been reminded that I’m unwanted a whole year. I got the message that I’m unwanted loud and clear

May 06, 2024 9:38:42 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

There is only one person that needs to want you and that is you! Your world is a reflection of your beliefs. Other people do not validate you or decide whether you “belong” so stop giving them that power.

May 06, 2024 9:39:49 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

About the fall into my phone asleep 💤 Text it out of your brain and psyche. I check in later. 😍

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May 06, 2024 9:48:19 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Hey! Check out this awesome quote on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

May 06, 2024 9:48:23 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

https://insig.ht/ybsi1qmInJb

May 06, 2024 11:03:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Emailed my therapist this today. She asked me to watch the movie. I had seen it before, but that was long before I was homeless.

May 06, 2024 11:03:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So I watched the movie: Frances McDormand — NomadLand incredibly triggering me multiple times — I cried alot It hit close to “home” in many ways I knew precisely how Fern’s character felt turning away charity fierce independence quiet uncomfortableness It reminded me I dont have a lot of time left in this human experience no matter if I’m enjoying it or not. The "Tyranny of the dollar" line stood out to me. Being unemployed this long and feeling SO desperate to have a job and be 'PLUGGED IN" to the economy of US Capitalism. If you're not a part of that club (having a steady full time employment) you are made to feel like an outsider and not wanted since you're not doing anything to contribute — you're a negative drain on the collective whole. I mean we ask people "What do you do for a living?" when we meet someone rather than, "Tell me about yourself?" avoiding reference to work. The cultural brainwashing we all succumb to blindly (chasing money competitively with complete disregard of others fate) is really very sad. I would bet if you were to survey peolpe on the street and asked them if they felt brainwashed by the economy they'd look at you like you've got a screw loose (which I may at this point hahaha)

May 08, 2024 8:48:49 AM (Read by you after 49 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I was just talking last night t a guest how easy it is for people t marginalize other people and miss the essence of them

May 06, 2024 11:09:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The Kevin Rose Show

May 06, 2024 11:09:50 AM Me

Good list of guests. I remember Kevin from the early days of the web.

May 06, 2024 11:09:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The Kevin Rose Show

May 07, 2024 9:07:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Doooood

May 07, 2024 9:07:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

back at it before 8am this morning.

May 07, 2024 9:12:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yesterday after 8 straight hours and doing that 8 days in a row I couldn’t do much in the afternoon. Brain was saying no more. I’m in this weird space where if I’m not looking for work, I’m kicking myself in the ass for not looking. So if I want to “relax” (whatever that is 🤣) I have to find work before I can relax. My body is overall tight, and incredibly stressed. I’m watching myself age a lot in this past year. And here I am in the middle of my peak earning years earning nothing and I have nothing. Can’t take anything with me when I check out but to be wanting around everyone who has what you want — and to push thru each day when everyone naturally assumes that my life is all good.

May 07, 2024 9:14:04 AM Me

I’ve been up here on campus a bunch the past few weeks. PPl who know me on campus say to me “oh wow, haven’t seen you in a while, how are things?” And I can tell from being here, that everyone assumes I still live here on campus. Liz must not have shared anything with anyone, or the boys.

May 07, 2024 9:17:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So, do I tell them I’m homeless and dont live on campus anymore? Should I speak my truth, Liz be damned? Should I drop it like its hot, and then let her deal with teh fallout on campus? I want to be truthful to people. I had to lie to someones face when they asked me how it was going yesterday and had all I could do to squeeze the word “good” out of mouth. The chatter in my brain was saying I’m a fucking liar. What am I lying for? What am I trying to protect? The shame I’ll feel in sharing? The repercussions from Liz? The “I dont know” stuff?

May 07, 2024 9:20:01 AM +13038752587

Good questions t let percolate

May 07, 2024 9:20:02 AM Me

People on campus, some not all, will look at her very differently once they know my situation. Some may interact with her differently. What she won’t want is me causing ripples in her world. Should I care about that? Shoudl I care about anything??

May 07, 2024 9:20:45 AM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

I will let them percolate too

May 07, 2024 9:21:03 AM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

More to come in 7 hours

May 07, 2024 9:21:09 AM Me

K

May 07, 2024 9:21:10 AM +13038752587

Off to sleep

May 07, 2024 9:21:28 AM Me

I have a good meditation sleep guy on YT if your interested

May 07, 2024 9:22:03 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

May 07, 2024 9:22:23 AM Me

Variety of sleep meditations

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May 07, 2024 9:22:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

228 vids

May 07, 2024 9:22:50 AM Me

1.8 Million subs, so he’s doing something right

May 07, 2024 4:07:12 PM Me

Have had a rough past couple hours. My sense of time is skewed Feel like more time is going by than is for real

May 07, 2024 4:07:17 PM Me

Anyhow

May 07, 2024 4:17:15 PM +13038752587

How goes the app project?

May 07, 2024 4:26:10 PM Me

going ok. Have to update user stories to match the wireframe adjustments so they read properly. Should be a quick job with AI help

May 07, 2024 4:26:42 PM Me

Then I jump right into Prototyping. Going to go section by section, then link the sections up

May 07, 2024 4:27:09 PM Me

So, Login, Forgot Password Loop First. Then Sign up, etc

May 07, 2024 4:29:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Question. You had mentioned previously that you were maybe going to be able to hook me up with “a little bit” of payment for work on Whitney’s site. LMK when you can. THx

May 07, 2024 6:56:50 PM Me

Could you let me know when you’ve read my texts? I have a question for you when you’re done reading.

May 07, 2024 7:08:29 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Send questions- I will reread when I get to work around 10 mst

May 08, 2024 8:48:49 AM (Read by you after 49 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I was just talking last night t a guest how easy it is for people t marginalize other people and miss the essence of them
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 08, 2024 8:49:51 AM Me

Yep

May 08, 2024 8:50:01 AM Me

The invisible people

May 08, 2024 8:50:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just sat down to push on things. Didnt realize its Wednesday. When you work through the weekend and put in 20 hours on Sat Sun you lose track

May 08, 2024 8:51:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did you have a chance to look at my website?

May 08, 2024 8:54:09 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No - I will look this afternoon

May 08, 2024 8:51:50 AM Me

That’s my primary push right now. Getting that updated so I can start promoting and applying again in earnest because I’ve been so focused on upddating materials

May 08, 2024 8:52:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If there is any good thing about this I feel my resume and materials are the best I’ve ever had them. Concise and dense.

May 08, 2024 8:52:45 AM +13038752587

As far as the questions about Liz. I suggest keeping the silence or at least hushed for now. You don’t have to lie, and you don’t have to give full disclosure. “I am going through some big changes/challenges right now and some days it’s a struggle”

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May 08, 2024 8:54:09 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No - I will look this afternoon
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 08, 2024 8:54:30 AM Me

Ok, if you could look on laptop AND mobile that would be great.

May 08, 2024 8:55:05 AM +13038752587

Door dash may be looking for a contract hire. When I find out more I will let you know.

May 08, 2024 8:55:20 AM Me

Going to do accessibility and other tests on it to make it fall into compliance. For example - I DO know that all my colors have enough contrast.

May 08, 2024 8:55:57 AM Me

I wish I could complete projects solidly — as well as I start them

May 08, 2024 8:58:56 AM Me

Btw, last night I realized that with the .ai domain

May 08, 2024 8:59:01 AM Me

OJ.AI

May 08, 2024 8:59:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Havent looked yet, but if its available you should buy it.

May 08, 2024 8:59:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont have the $$ or I would

May 08, 2024 9:04:26 AM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

This dude has it and a bunch more

May 08, 2024 9:04:31 AM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

https://oj.ai/

May 08, 2024 9:04:51 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Ok off to my 5 hrs of sleep today

May 08, 2024 9:05:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That dude is Tyler hahahaha

May 08, 2024 12:43:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Depressing.

May 08, 2024 12:43:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

HuffPost

May 08, 2024 5:26:44 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

You among the living?

May 08, 2024 5:52:04 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

May 08, 2024 6:00:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool.

May 08, 2024 6:01:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

was following up on my question about Whitneys website $$. I know you said you could score me something and if it could hit now it would help big time. Less than $20 on me 😟

May 09, 2024 1:13:17 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 33 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I can Venmo you $100 tomorrow.

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May 08, 2024 6:13:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Uncontrolled spontaneous crying is back. And a new one. Vertigo

May 08, 2024 6:14:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Had an appointment for an ultrasound today but couldn’t go because I dont have health insurance and I can’t pay. if something bad happens I’m fucked

May 09, 2024 1:15:28 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 31 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Did they cancel or did you?

May 09, 2024 1:16:26 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 30 minutes, 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

| They appointment
Edited 23 seconds later | The appointment

May 08, 2024 6:15:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hahahaha

May 08, 2024 6:16:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyway, another hard day here

May 08, 2024 6:30:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just read this and it HIT…

May 08, 2024 6:30:26 PM Me

— There are few things darker than staring down a hole and feeling you can’t emotionally get out of it.

May 08, 2024 6:37:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— when will I have a day without all this misery? I want this shit in the rear view mirror yesterday and patience is nearly running out. So angry right now

May 09, 2024 1:13:17 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 33 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I can Venmo you $100 tomorrow.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 1:15:28 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 31 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Did they cancel or did you?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 1:16:26 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 30 minutes, 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

| They appointment
Edited 23 seconds later | The appointment

This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 8:46:50 AM Me

I cancelled.

May 09, 2024 8:47:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, I have heard of Patreon. I’ve know about it for many years, know about it before covid times

May 09, 2024 8:52:23 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Many of the creative people I listen to on podcasts and such have patterns. The Why Files has Patreon.

May 09, 2024 8:53:00 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Wow. Throw any long form learning content at this — will save you hours. This was made for you:

May 09, 2024 8:53:01 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Study Fetch

May 09, 2024 8:58:25 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Cool I’ll check it out

May 09, 2024 9:03:53 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

C note sent

May 09, 2024 9:04:32 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Have you been dashing on a regular schedule?

May 09, 2024 9:06:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

No, getting time slots is challenging

May 09, 2024 9:07:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I do have some but not nearly what I’m after

May 09, 2024 9:05:50 AM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

I will look at the website this afternoon- after I pick up girls

May 09, 2024 9:07:33 AM ⇲ Me

Cool. You mean my website right?

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May 09, 2024 9:07:53 AM ⇲ Me

I have my JSC meeting today. Going to share my website with them and have them poke some holes.

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May 09, 2024 9:06:49 AM +13038752587

Heading to sleep for 6hours

May 09, 2024 9:06:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

No, getting time slots is challenging
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 9:07:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I do have some but not nearly what I’m after
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 9:07:33 AM ⇱ Me

Cool. You mean my website right?

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May 09, 2024 9:07:36 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Are you only doing Ojai

May 09, 2024 9:07:53 AM ⇱ Me

I have my JSC meeting today. Going to share my website with them and have them poke some holes.

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May 09, 2024 9:08:11 AM Me

Found a few really good gigs online last night. One was PERFECT

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May 09, 2024 9:08:40 AM Me

In description they said they have a 100% no A$$hole policy and that you can’t take yourself too seriously

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May 09, 2024 9:08:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes please

May 09, 2024 9:09:04 AM Me

I applied with my new resume etc

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May 09, 2024 9:09:16 AM +13038752587

Zombie 🧟 state approaching -must sleep 🛌

May 09, 2024 9:09:25 AM +13038752587

Ttyl ✌️

May 09, 2024 9:09:27 AM Me

So I’m going back into applying hard core again

May 09, 2024 9:09:45 AM Me

Listen to Michael the sleep hypnotists

May 09, 2024 10:43:13 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://notegpt.io/

May 09, 2024 4:00:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just got an email from one of the administrators at Thacher: "Good seeing you on campus earlier this week. Due to all of the current situations on campus, I wanted to ask that you not be on the campus or in the dining hall unless you are here for a specific parent event such as graduation. Please reach out if you have any questions.” So, I couldn’t help myself and replied. I was literally shaking, trembling, and crying as I typed — I am LITERALLY SHOOK He’s what I wrote back…

May 09, 2024 4:00:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi Justin, I don't understand. I'm up there to see my kids and walk the dog. I hang out in the dining hall between times in the morning. Are you saying I can't visit my kids? Is anyone else being denied the right to see their kids? Bert

May 09, 2024 4:01:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I also sent it to the head of school Jeff Hooper who is a personal friend.

May 09, 2024 4:01:20 PM Me

I also emailed Elizabeth to see if I offended someone or crossed some line.

May 09, 2024 4:01:48 PM Me

Needless to say I was actually feeling good today. At least my form of good.

May 09, 2024 4:02:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I get literally SHOOK like this.

May 09, 2024 4:27:15 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I feel you! This definitely hit the gut, just reading it.

May 09, 2024 4:28:26 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes) ⇲ +13038752587

Then the other thoughts followed.

May 09, 2024 4:02:05 PM Me

wow

May 09, 2024 4:13:34 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

This may have nothing to do with you. I know that sounds weird, but they are in a reactive state.

May 09, 2024 4:15:59 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I don’t think their request is totally resonable though.

May 09, 2024 4:20:38 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

In light of what has happened, they may be circling the wagons.

May 09, 2024 5:01:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

The kids passing?

May 09, 2024 5:15:42 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 25 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

May 09, 2024 4:27:15 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I feel you! This definitely hit the gut, just reading it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 4:28:26 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes) ⇱ +13038752587

Then the other thoughts followed.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 4:31:25 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

I’m here for you 😍. Call or text I’m awake

May 09, 2024 5:00:33 PM Me

Ok, thx

May 09, 2024 5:00:51 PM Me

Headed to Ventura early. Have dart league tonight.

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May 09, 2024 5:01:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

The kids passing?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 5:15:42 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 25 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 5:28:17 PM Me

Sitting in my car alone crying.

May 09, 2024 5:28:28 PM Me

Heading to Vta now

May 09, 2024 5:58:07 PM Me

May 09, 2024 5:58:45 PM Me

Tap 9 on Thursdays Stop here before heading to “the Garage” our ‘home field’

May 09, 2024 6:23:02 PM Me

Just left VCBC and headed to the bar where we play.

May 09, 2024 6:23:34 PM Me

Was thinking on the way to the car. I’m not sure how much more of rejection I can take. Driving down here to Ventura I was a mess

May 09, 2024 6:32:18 PM Me

— Incredibly bummed Just got a text that our match tonight is canceled. It’s the one day a week I get to socialize with other people and now it’s canceled. I’m alone 24 seven other than going to Darts every Thursday night and seeing Declan when I swing by to grab the dog for a walk , which apparently can’t happen anymore. What the fuck man? I mean I’m used to shitty times so it’s no big deal right?

May 09, 2024 6:33:24 PM Me

Maybe tonight the lord will take my soul. Remember when we were kids and you would pray that you didn’t wake up you’d pray that the Lord, her soul to take or some kind of shit like that

May 09, 2024 6:34:07 PM Me

Just feeling broken and totally fucking rejected

May 09, 2024 6:35:07 PM Me

Maybe I’ll drive over by surfers point. I’m only a mile away. Maybe breathing in some fresh ocean air will help because I don’t think anything is gonna help.

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May 09, 2024 6:37:03 PM Me

the only thing that will help is me playing the stupid game of convincing myself that it’s OK it’ll be better tomorrow, but it never ever is. Less than seven days away from the day I got dropped from work and it’s like everything is all coming to head like a giant pimple

May 09, 2024 6:38:33 PM Me

It really sucks to feel so incredibly unwanted in so many ways by so many people, and by so many organizations not to mention the economy The feeling of loneliness and repeatedly being told you’re unwanted is a vicious fucking cycle. I’ve said it once I’ll say it again. I’m glad I don’t have a gun cause I already be gone.

May 09, 2024 6:55:46 PM Me

Took a picture of this guy. The one no one wants. Should make an “UNWANTED” poster 🤣

May 09, 2024 7:04:08 PM Me

Spotify

May 09, 2024 7:22:27 PM Me

Spotify

May 09, 2024 8:33:20 PM Me

U @ work

May 09, 2024 8:34:00 PM ⇲ +13038752587

No - just about to put girls to bed

May 09, 2024 8:33:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I know you are feeling rejection on many levels. Let the feelings flow and go

May 09, 2024 8:34:00 PM ⇱ +13038752587

No - just about to put girls to bed
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 09, 2024 8:35:50 PM Me

Since our match was canceled I have been here throwing by myself in a very full bar and a hopping pool table. I can pick any board. Again, in a full place but alone (observation not complaint) IMAGINE THAT

May 09, 2024 8:37:06 PM Me

May 09, 2024 8:37:07 PM +13038752587

I used to play right hand versus left hand.

May 09, 2024 8:37:48 PM Me

May 09, 2024 8:38:07 PM Me

May 09, 2024 8:38:07 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Girls calling - bb in a bit

May 09, 2024 8:38:39 PM Me

K

May 09, 2024 8:39:29 PM Me

Once done with this game against 🤖 Im driving back to Ojai I might shave 🪒 All off

May 09, 2024 8:40:59 PM Me

I stand out with it and would rather blend in right now Feeling wounded like a mother fucker metaphorically Mentally and emotionally exhausted as a mofo

May 09, 2024 8:41:50 PM Me

I may record some audio on my way home Wait what home? There’s the topic

May 09, 2024 8:43:05 PM Me

Kicked out of my home, well it was my home for the past quarter—fucking—century…

May 09, 2024 8:44:47 PM Me

Can’t get no respect from anywhere

May 09, 2024 8:44:59 PM Me

No respect I tell ya!!

May 10, 2024 7:51:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

6:50 am and at Starbucks already working

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May 10, 2024 8:01:54 AM Me

Have a client meeting at 8am and then working all day, and then go park somewhere else and sleep.

May 10, 2024 8:02:54 AM Me

I’m ready to give up. I’ve had enough of this and don’t need anymore thanks 😊

May 10, 2024 8:17:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What’s up for you on this Friday?

May 10, 2024 8:20:30 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Work

May 10, 2024 8:25:32 AM Me

Duh, haha

May 10, 2024 8:25:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sleep and shit too

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May 10, 2024 8:25:53 AM Me

You doing ok?

May 10, 2024 8:36:24 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Radical change. Make I must

May 10, 2024 8:38:07 AM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

Not enough income to match expenses. And expenses are increasing. Ultimately, I have to get off the hamster 🐹 wheel and build a flywheel

May 10, 2024 8:38:28 AM (Read by you after 36 seconds) +13038752587

Of course this all starts with me and getting out of my own way.

May 10, 2024 8:39:50 AM Me

Right. I can help keep you accountable. Just need to know what your target/goal is and how you want to track it.

May 10, 2024 8:40:42 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And what the hell do you want to do first off? Like once you’re out of your way, what are you doing?

May 10, 2024 10:36:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just had a good in-person client meeting. Makes me feel like I know what I am doing — at least a little bit.

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May 10, 2024 10:42:30 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

I had a conversation with someone the other night and he kept asking why I was working at the hotel. He said you’re obviously very smart, you have a set of skills and are motivated. What are you doing here?

May 10, 2024 10:46:49 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

My response when spoken sounded reasonable, but the reality is the job may become more of a hindrance than help. Big picture it is filling a need and also motivation as it creates lack. Both in life and income.

May 10, 2024 10:48:08 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

OK voice to text is winning. It’s faster than packing away with my fingers pecking away from my fingers. It doesn’t AutoCorrect. Well that’s coming soon I’m sure. I had an idea the day I wrote down. I will find out my notes but the gist of it is you need to create 2 to 5 minute tutorials of how you were using AI to to create and post them on LinkedIn

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May 10, 2024 2:06:46 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Just done making revisions to wireframes post meeting with the client. Only took 3 hours 😊

May 10, 2024 2:07:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Figma

May 10, 2024 2:07:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I love look at the evolution of an idea 😊

May 10, 2024 2:28:51 PM Me

It’s strange to not have a place where you can go and just do whatever Always have to be thinking about where to next

May 10, 2024 2:29:04 PM Me

It’s exhausting

May 10, 2024 2:29:28 PM Me

K going to go hangout with myself

May 10, 2024 3:05:07 PM Me

You got me a four pack of margaritas in a can and I’m gonna go shoot darts in my storage place for the rest of the night and spend the day by myself because I don’t have anywhere to fucking go

May 10, 2024 3:06:23 PM Me

That’s the part about not having a place. This is exactly when I want my own place end of the fucking week I’m frazzled I just want a place I can go that’s mine with my shit it’s my space I can go there and know that I don’t have to fucking leave for anybody for any reason. I haven’t had that in a long fucking time.

May 10, 2024 3:08:44 PM Me

OK besides shooting darts I’m gonna work on my art. I have so much art ideas I mean this is the time I should be able to work on it right but I’m so preoccupied with finding a job and so mentally and cognitively invested in it that when I am unplugged, my brain is like mashed potatoes.

May 10, 2024 3:10:36 PM Me

One last thing, and I thought about this yesterday. I have the ability to send encrypted emails and I was thinking of sending you copies of you know my most prominent passwords just in case some kind of shit happens to me. You know yesterday I felt like I was gonna get hit by a car last week. I had two people try to start a fight with me. You know I have no fucking idea what’s gonna happen with me and you know maybe one night I’ll go on my sleep who knows anyway, if I don’t get those passwords to somebody, nobody will Be able to get into all my shit

May 10, 2024 4:57:56 PM Me

I’m noticing that I’m talking to myself a lot out loud because I don’t talk to anyone all day and it’s weird when you go a couple of days and don’t hear a voice talking to you

May 10, 2024 4:58:35 PM Me

| I completely understand my homeless people talk to themselves on the street. I totally get it.
Edited 11 seconds later | I completely understand why homeless people talk to themselves on the street. I totally get it.

May 10, 2024 4:59:27 PM Me

You’re ignored and massively rejected. Nobody will talk to you and you need that at some level and if you’re lonely like me it’s really hard.

May 10, 2024 5:46:39 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Sending password makes sense.

May 10, 2024 5:49:03 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Talking to yourself too. When you’re out , try saying hey to someone. What do you mean get hit by a car? And why was someone wanting to get in a fight?

May 10, 2024 5:51:23 PM Me

Throwing darts 🎯 at storage I will reply in a little bit. And depending on how busy you are or how late do you want maybe we could FaceTime for 10 minutes and don’t worry I can put a timer on track And that’s what I meant earlier by holding you accountable for you your ideas and goals yeah?

May 10, 2024 5:51:37 PM Me

I can be a hype man trust me

May 10, 2024 5:52:55 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

If tonight doesn’t work for FaceTime. Let’s plan for tomorrow

May 11, 2024 10:01:40 AM Me

Hola

May 11, 2024 10:03:57 AM Me

Trying to figure out what to do with my day work wise

May 11, 2024 10:19:52 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Good day

May 11, 2024 10:21:35 AM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Walk on the beach 🏝️ Go for a hike Do the lunch and or dinner dash for cash 💰 Paint 🎨 Read 📖

May 11, 2024 10:21:44 AM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Do them all 😀

May 11, 2024 11:22:38 AM Me

Thought you’d be sleeping

May 11, 2024 11:23:02 AM +13038752587

Day hours on the weekend

May 11, 2024 11:23:20 AM Me

Wow hard core

May 11, 2024 11:24:11 AM +13038752587

Transition days are tricky Sunday is usually a 24-26 hr day. And Thursday a recovery day

May 11, 2024 11:25:41 AM Me

What’s your bandwidth like today?

May 11, 2024 11:26:20 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I may have 15m in 15

May 11, 2024 11:26:56 AM +13038752587

Then this afternoon- I’ll head to true nature for an hour around 3

May 11, 2024 11:27:08 AM Me

K

May 11, 2024 11:27:34 AM Me

I might be able to do 15 in 15

May 11, 2024 11:28:11 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll text when I’m ready

May 11, 2024 11:28:17 AM Me

K

May 11, 2024 11:45:44 AM Me

Afternoon would be better for me

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May 11, 2024 11:51:08 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll text you then 😀

May 11, 2024 12:06:35 PM Me

Ok

May 11, 2024 12:09:08 PM Me

I just got sign off on the wireframes from my client. That means I can get prototypes underway

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May 11, 2024 12:17:49 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 14 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Sweet

May 11, 2024 12:17:49 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 14 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Sweet
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 11, 2024 3:45:42 PM (Read by them after 15 seconds) Me

Just replied to a post that had this grid in it from a guy named Jonas on LinkedIn. Got me thinking I should use this in combination with the Eisenhower matrix in Notion and it should bubble up the most important, most urgent, high value, low effort options on top. I’m going to implement a new label in Notion (part of its AMAZINGNESS) and then assign Value vs. Effort to each task and project. Should give me a much better picture of my project/work/mind landscape.

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May 11, 2024 3:46:50 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

And now I have an app on my phone that auto uploads the audio, transcribes and puts a to-do in my list for me to assign and categorize later. The key is that I can be anywhere and talk to that audio recording app, record and send. 😊

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May 11, 2024 7:16:05 PM Me

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Example of 2 meals. $8

May 11, 2024 8:17:07 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Facing east

May 11, 2024 8:17:16 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

May 11, 2024 8:17:22 PM +13038752587

Facing west

May 11, 2024 8:17:28 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

May 11, 2024 8:17:35 PM Me

Have you gone out at night and looked for the aurora borealis?

May 11, 2024 8:18:02 PM Me

Apparently, we’re getting some wicked sun storms right now that are pushing the aurora’s all way way down so we should be able to see them tonight possibly

May 11, 2024 8:18:03 PM +13038752587

Just heard about it today

May 11, 2024 8:18:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Last night at midnight people saw it here

May 11, 2024 8:18:24 PM Me

If you need as good of you of the horizon as possible. I’m tempted to drive down to the ocean. It doesn’t get any better than that.

May 11, 2024 8:18:32 PM +13038752587

Wish I knew before

May 11, 2024 8:18:41 PM Me

True

May 11, 2024 8:19:05 PM Me

It was brought to my attention today just how out of touch I am with what might be considered everyone else’s normal reality

May 11, 2024 8:19:06 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I was told it is happening all week

May 11, 2024 8:20:57 PM Me

I think I heard the same thing, I was reading online from of my favorite space video creators, John Michael Gautier, and he mentioned he wanted to put a video out, but was too busy outside, staring at the Aurora. He’s an author and futurist and has a really cool voice. His videos are really incredible and super informational. And they are something you could let your kids watch and they’ll learn stuff.

May 11, 2024 8:21:12 PM Me

YouTube

May 11, 2024 8:21:21 PM Me

The picture is not flattering

May 11, 2024 8:21:55 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 25 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

USA TODAY

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May 11, 2024 8:22:02 PM Me

But definitely pull up one of his popular videos and most of them are 15 minutes to a half an hour and they’re very entertaining and informative and good stuff. You don’t need to watch the videos he puts visuals with what he’s talking about. You could listen to it in the background in the kitchen if you wanted to kind of like a podcast.

May 11, 2024 8:23:11 PM Me

And he has us cool baritone voice and has a great sign off where he says the world live, but says it like this

May 11, 2024 8:25:08 PM Me

May 11, 2024 8:25:37 PM +13038752587

Sounds like between 10pm and 2am is the opportunity window

May 11, 2024 8:25:54 PM Me

And look towards your northern horizon, it says

May 11, 2024 8:26:19 PM +13038752587

I’ll keep my eye out and ping you if o see them

May 11, 2024 8:26:22 PM Me

Which for me weirdly is looking right at the Topa Topa

May 11, 2024 8:26:29 PM Me

I’ll do the same

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May 11, 2024 8:26:45 PM Me

I fixed some things on my website today. It should look good on mobile phone now.

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May 11, 2024 8:26:54 PM +13038752587

Dinner time with kids then bedtime for them

May 11, 2024 8:27:13 PM Me

By the way, the main navigation is hidden in the letter E at the top in my name. It’s a hat tip back to the days when finding a website was an Easter egg hunt.

May 11, 2024 8:27:36 PM Me

Or finding the navigation and your way around the website was an Easter egg hunt

May 11, 2024 8:28:11 PM Me

We’re talking GeoCities days or maybe Friendster, Napster times

May 11, 2024 8:29:03 PM Me

By the way, I confirmed today that I was one of the first 25 million human beings on the modern Internet and now the number of people is at 5.44 billion. Which puts me at .4%. I’m at the fucking top of Internet lifetime.

May 11, 2024 8:29:25 PM Me

I put it in my LinkedIn headline. Because I think it’s fucking notable.

May 11, 2024 8:29:40 PM Me

I’m an OG

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May 11, 2024 8:30:10 PM Me

if you remember the month and year you got online, I could tell you where you are in the line

May 11, 2024 10:45:28 PM Me

May 11, 2024 10:46:17 PM Me

The madness in photo form

May 11, 2024 10:46:20 PM Me

Flock of Seagulls vibe

May 11, 2024 10:46:59 PM Me

May 11, 2024 10:47:26 PM Me

Actually just a beard trim

May 11, 2024 10:48:15 PM Me

I don’t wanna look too much Duck Dynasty when I go to Darragh’s graduation. I am planning on visiting a proper barber before I attend those events and get myself a straight razor cleanup.

May 11, 2024 10:49:21 PM Me

I want to have that irresistible vibe for the older ladies in the audience. And I want to make Liz regret dismissing me when I show up in my black suit with my black shirt and my black tie Men in black

May 11, 2024 10:50:27 PM Me

Makes me remember how much I miss Jenica. That is a woman who literally checks every fucking box that I want in a partner and the only thing stopping me from having her is getting my fucking feet nailed down. Once I have my own place it’s game on.

May 11, 2024 10:50:55 PM Me

I honestly cannot wait for the fucking day. I get to message her and call her and say hey let’s go out. I have some news to share.

May 11, 2024 10:51:32 PM Me

Literally crying as I think about her and everything

May 12, 2024 10:46:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good morning. Happy Mother’s Day to Sara!

May 12, 2024 10:46:57 AM Me

I’m at Starbucks working a bit before my door dash starts at 10:30am. Dashing until 4:30pm.

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May 12, 2024 10:47:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hoping I can make some $$ because I have $2 to my name :-)

May 12, 2024 11:01:12 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

May 12, 2024 5:44:41 PM Me

So fucking angry right now and I have no fucking outlet. I don’t have a person a place nothing so I’m gonna go buy some liquor.

May 12, 2024 5:45:33 PM +13038752587

Why ae you angry

May 12, 2024 5:46:50 PM Me

I just spent two hours DoorDash Ing Six dollars. Three times I went to the supermarket and their card got refused. I spent all the time shopping and I had to put everything away and I got fucking nothing. I’m so pissed like fucking eat.

May 12, 2024 5:47:06 PM Me

I’m also pissed at speech to text because it sucks balls and never gets anything right

May 12, 2024 5:48:48 PM Me

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t ya kill me

May 12, 2024 5:49:10 PM Me

Fucking head feels like it’s going to crack open.

May 12, 2024 5:49:58 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Was there more supposed to be on card from dashing?

May 12, 2024 5:50:40 PM Me

No, they make an offer, I take it. I go to the work then I try to pay using their stuff and it doesn’t work and then I get the dildo of consequences.

May 12, 2024 5:50:54 PM Me

I’m just so fucking fed up with life and living

May 12, 2024 5:51:29 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

| What you are saying does not Naha sense - did your earn money today
Edited 18 seconds later | What you are saying does not make sense - did your earn money today

May 12, 2024 5:52:52 PM Me

It does make sense. When you have the app on they offer you a delivery for X dollars you accept it. Then I went shopping for the stuff they wanted, I go to the register to pay with DoorDash credit card and it doesn’t work that is on them, not me. So I cannot, leave the store without paying and I can’t stand there and work things out with tech-support when I have a line of 20 people behind me. So I’m never able to complete the order and deliver it. I do a bunch of work for nothing.

May 12, 2024 5:53:27 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I get it

May 12, 2024 5:53:34 PM Me

It was funny I was on chat support and the guy got my card sorted out and said oh go ahead do the other order. I said dude I’m in my car. I left the store. I don’t hang out for that shit.

May 12, 2024 5:53:50 PM +13038752587

Why not stand n line and figure it out with tech

May 12, 2024 5:54:12 PM +13038752587

Or the cashier can hold the order while you get it resolved

May 12, 2024 5:54:17 PM Me

Doesn’t matter my dash ended at 4:30 so my window is gone. I had two hours to make money and I made six bucks.

May 12, 2024 5:54:48 PM Me

And of course, driving around back-and-forth through town seeing families together happy have a great time that doesn’t hurt at all

May 12, 2024 5:55:04 PM +13038752587

You said you were dashing for 6 hours

May 12, 2024 5:56:07 PM ⇲ Me

Only had 4, 2 hour gap in the middle. Anyhow, I’m figuring out what beer I’m buying. I haven’t eaten food all day and fuck it. I don’t give a fucking shit anymore Ta.Da!

May 12, 2024 5:55:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Earlier

May 12, 2024 5:56:07 PM ⇱ Me

Only had 4, 2 hour gap in the middle. Anyhow, I’m figuring out what beer I’m buying. I haven’t eaten food all day and fuck it. I don’t give a fucking shit anymore Ta.Da!
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 12, 2024 5:56:40 PM +13038752587

Food is better for you

May 12, 2024 5:56:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Than beer

May 12, 2024 5:56:47 PM Me

I discovered today that I hate myself because I don’t want to be in relationships with other people because it will hurt me

May 12, 2024 5:57:04 PM Me

| Yeah, don’t figure that one out. That’s why my head hurts too.
Edited 6 seconds later | Yeah, go figure that one out. That’s why my head hurts too.

May 12, 2024 5:57:27 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

When do you get paid next on gig

May 12, 2024 5:57:58 PM Me

I’ll probably invoice him either the end of this week on Friday or next Monday after I have some prototype work to show him

May 12, 2024 5:58:45 PM Me

I’m just watching myself turn into bitter hateful person

May 12, 2024 5:58:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You already invited for wire frames updates

May 12, 2024 5:59:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Invoiced

May 12, 2024 5:59:34 PM Me

For wire frames yes and all of that he’s paid 4600 so far and he hasn’t seen a prototype yet

May 12, 2024 6:00:05 PM Me

We essentially have the rough blueprint of what needs to be built now I’m gonna make a hi-fi prototype to click through and make sure shit is what we want

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May 12, 2024 6:00:21 PM Me

This will have every feel that every checkbox every whatever

May 12, 2024 6:00:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

May I ask- where have you spent 4600 over the past 6 ish weeks

May 12, 2024 6:02:09 PM Me

Car payments, storage, insurance, subscriptions, cellphone, food, plus taking checking out of -800 balance

May 12, 2024 6:02:19 PM Me

Which it has again right now

May 12, 2024 6:03:08 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

May I suggest you go in a cash only basis - cancel overdraft protection on checking

May 12, 2024 6:03:22 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Cancel any non essential subscriptions

May 12, 2024 6:04:19 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

If you don’t have the funds then it doesn’t get paid. - the overdraft rate is sucking you dry - which you know

May 12, 2024 6:05:00 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Ok lecture over - I know it sucks.

May 12, 2024 6:05:38 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Use the anger and upset as motivation- change what you are doing to better serve you

May 12, 2024 6:11:29 PM Me

for some perspective, these four items cost me $24

May 12, 2024 6:11:50 PM Me

And the alcohol is the cheapest thing there

May 12, 2024 6:13:32 PM Me

I’ve just had a frustrating afternoon on top of my regular frustration

May 12, 2024 6:14:38 PM Me

I just pulled into storage and hopefully can shoot shoot some darts for a bit it might help me calm the fuck down

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May 12, 2024 9:32:48 PM ⇲ Me

I shot darts. About to leave and go park and work on my audio project.

May 12, 2024 9:32:55 PM ⇲ Me

What u doing?

May 12, 2024 6:32:02 PM Me

And I’m calling my mom. Did you call your mom?

May 12, 2024 6:32:28 PM Me

Oh, I’m curious if you still wanna talk about me holding you accountable and what that involves

May 12, 2024 7:54:42 PM Me

Am I doing that??

May 12, 2024 9:32:48 PM ⇱ Me

I shot darts. About to leave and go park and work on my audio project.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 12, 2024 9:32:55 PM ⇱ Me

What u doing?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 12, 2024 9:48:11 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

At hotel

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May 12, 2024 10:12:14 PM Me

YouTube

May 13, 2024 7:14:44 PM Me

May 13, 2024 7:19:06 PM Me

May 13, 2024 7:21:17 PM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

May 13, 2024 7:22:11 PM Me

May 13, 2024 7:22:53 PM Me

Cycle starts in a month

May 14, 2024 8:31:08 AM Me

Dude

May 14, 2024 8:31:17 AM Me

Bad morning

May 14, 2024 8:32:04 AM Me

Awake 2 mins and want the day to be over

May 14, 2024 8:32:51 AM Me

Got full rejection from Jenica last night Just what I need in my life more significant rejection

May 14, 2024 8:33:30 AM +13038752587

At appt

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May 14, 2024 8:40:42 AM Me

I’m ok, I guess Just more rejection I’m all filled up

May 14, 2024 8:43:40 AM +13038752587

You had stopped seeing her - how is this more rejection?

May 14, 2024 8:45:05 AM +13038752587

Please throw out the rejection filter. Reframe things

May 14, 2024 8:45:11 AM Me

She said she would stay friends with me. So I’ve been texting her stuff that I find funny or whatever. And I wished her a happy Mother’s Day and I get a text from her yesterday that says she doesn’t wanna communicate with me anymore. And this is after she looked me in the face and told me she wasn’t rejecting me .

May 14, 2024 8:45:50 AM Me

It hurts because I have no fucking friends and every time I put myself out there and fucking hurt. I just don’t wanna do this anymore.

May 14, 2024 8:46:40 AM Me

I crave that closeness and intimacy with another person. Yet some reason I can’t stop people from rejecting me.

May 14, 2024 8:47:13 AM Me

So if he stop seeking something then you don’t have the problem anymore. The thing is I’m just gonna get more grouchy and more of an asshole overtime.

May 14, 2024 8:48:52 AM Me

Anyway, I’ll I’ll be fine. I’m just tread the fucking water like always.

May 14, 2024 8:49:43 AM Me

Go about your day don’t worry about me. I’m just venting. I’m fine just another layer of rejection on me and yeah, fuck everybody.

May 14, 2024 8:54:58 AM +13038752587

Seriously let the rejection identity, believe and judgement go.

May 14, 2024 8:57:06 AM Me

I do know that I will never fully trust someone the rest of my life. People are too un fucking predictable.

May 14, 2024 8:57:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

There is part of you attached to it. I would guess it reinforces other negative beliefs you have.

May 14, 2024 8:57:23 AM Me

Even when you’ve been with them for 30 years, they’ll still do shit you never expect

May 14, 2024 8:58:30 AM +13038752587

True - we are all expanding into new version of ourselves and as such shit changes

May 14, 2024 8:59:04 AM Me

I mean guys that are just fucking assholes and especially assholes to women somehow end up with all these incredible women after them and somehow a nice guy like me is fucking trash so fuck everybody

May 14, 2024 8:59:50 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

They have a different self identity - I’m great and women love m

May 14, 2024 8:59:55 AM +13038752587

Me

May 14, 2024 9:00:11 AM +13038752587

And so that is there experience

May 14, 2024 9:00:13 AM Me

I’m just all fucked up, dude that’s my brain. That’s my life.

May 14, 2024 9:00:38 AM Me

I need to accept that I’m alone. That’s just the fucking way. Things are.

May 14, 2024 9:01:07 AM ⇲ +13038752587

For now , not forever

May 14, 2024 9:00:49 AM +13038752587

Be patient as you unfuck yourself

May 14, 2024 9:01:07 AM ⇱ +13038752587

For now , not forever
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 14, 2024 9:01:12 AM Me

Tomorrow is one year of this shit and I’m so incredibly fucking jaded silly

May 14, 2024 9:01:39 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

When is your next counseling session?

May 14, 2024 9:54:25 AM Me

Saturday

May 14, 2024 9:55:51 AM Me

Don’t get me wrong therapists are great because it’s good to talk to people. But talking to therapist isn’t going to solve my head I’m afraid.

May 14, 2024 10:20:46 AM Me

Defeated That’s how it feels

May 14, 2024 10:29:37 AM Me

When everything feels so negative and down all the time it’s incredibly discouraging just to be awake and breathing. I don’t know how to say it other than that. As much as I try to put my mind in a positive state, to keep motivated, to get up every daytry to push forward, it all feels like I’m getting nowhere. An entire year of my life has gone by and I did nothing other than be depressed and homeless and jobless. It’s incredibly discouraging and defeating to have worked and put as many hours in as I have not get noticed at all

May 14, 2024 10:30:12 AM Me

I’m at the why bother point of my life

May 14, 2024 10:41:39 AM Me

I gotta say, though minutes after unloading all that shit out of my head, I feel a lot better

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May 14, 2024 11:23:33 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Wow. Joyful, where did that come from?

May 14, 2024 11:59:28 AM Me

Got super triggered by an email from Thacher. Coming at me without knowing the facts. So fucking upset. I wrote a reply, but haven’t sent it.

May 14, 2024 11:59:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Spent the past hour shaking at the keyboard and on the verge of tears again. FUCKCUFCKGFUFKCKUFUKF

May 14, 2024 12:00:09 PM Me

🤬🤬🤬

May 14, 2024 2:05:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Today might be one of the hardest days I’ve had so far

May 14, 2024 2:23:11 PM Me

Literally shaking and crying in Starbucks. Had to leave.

May 14, 2024 3:42:51 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

What did the email say?

May 14, 2024 4:49:55 PM Me

It was related to the being on campus again — except I was with Darragh. And then I was told that the car charger on campus is for faculty only.

May 14, 2024 4:50:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I was told its new “protocols”

May 14, 2024 4:51:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI — emailed you about a festival at the end of May in Denver. It’s about jobs related to teh outdoor industry. You might be interested and able to attend

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May 14, 2024 4:51:22 PM Me

I get the email bi weekly with job opps

May 14, 2024 5:03:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Is it awake time for you now?

May 14, 2024 5:03:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Tuesday is a tough day, yes?

May 14, 2024 5:27:15 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

It’s easily been one of the top 5 hardest days for me so far this year. FWIW

May 14, 2024 5:29:32 PM +13038752587

My schedule is off this week. Willow sick yesterday, Lilly sick today. Laying down for a nap before getting ready for the hotel.

May 14, 2024 5:31:17 PM Me

I hope they feel better soon

May 14, 2024 5:31:20 PM Me

That sucks

May 14, 2024 5:31:23 PM Me

I’m sorry

May 14, 2024 5:31:24 PM +13038752587

Sorry the day has been tough. Hang in there. I’ll be back online in a few hours

May 14, 2024 5:34:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s that it never ends. The stress of having to deal with the unexpected parts of my situation, and having no means to take care of things you should be able to

May 14, 2024 5:35:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One doesn’t realize how many triggers there are in one’s daily routine until things are taken away, or changed in ways that dont make sense

May 14, 2024 6:44:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If you could look over my website that would be great.

May 14, 2024 6:44:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney — I design ideas into software. Award-Winning, Human-Centered, Accessibility Focused

May 14, 2024 6:45:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m thinking of paring down the case studies on mobile. It shows the same content as desktop and it’s FAR TOO much. What do you think?

May 14, 2024 9:18:31 PM Me

Hi

May 14, 2024 9:19:01 PM Me

At storage, exhausted from a day of heavy mindedness

May 14, 2024 9:19:51 PM Me

If you could check my site that would be great

May 14, 2024 9:20:35 PM Me

Let me know if the front makes sense with that script generating all those statements. Just not sure if it makes sense. You can be objective put on your strategy marketing hat my landing doesn’t look like other designers so it’s got that going. Maybe I don’t need the animation with the text. I just don’t know.

May 14, 2024 9:20:46 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it out tonight

May 14, 2024 11:07:47 PM Me

Thx

May 14, 2024 11:08:05 PM Me

Need to run lighthouse on it

May 15, 2024 10:08:04 AM Me

Good morning

May 15, 2024 10:08:16 AM Me

Or good night 😴

May 15, 2024 10:09:21 AM Me

I have two phone calls today. One with someone who is in the never search alone process who is a full stack developer based in Texas. He put a post on Slack asking if anybody was interested in the idea of teaming up and working together in a consulting fashion. Kind of like the subscription model or fractional, designer fractional developer model So I’ll be interested in what comes out of that talk

May 15, 2024 10:09:54 AM Me

The other conversation is with a recruiter from insight global who has a UX position and they’re looking to send candidates over to Deloitte by the end of the day. So who knows?

May 15, 2024 10:10:20 AM Me

She texted me on my phone so she has my contact info and must have my website and résumé because I did not apply to this

May 15, 2024 10:10:58 AM Me

And I almost forgot to say happy anniversary to me

May 15, 2024 10:11:11 AM Me

One year ago today, I was told thanks for your work, but we don’t need you anymore

May 15, 2024 3:46:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola

May 15, 2024 3:46:57 PM Me

you among the awake yet?

May 15, 2024 3:49:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.deadmansswitch.net/

May 15, 2024 3:50:35 PM Me

Emails you every week or so. If you dont reply, it can alert someone so you dont smell too bad haha

May 15, 2024 3:53:48 PM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Good day

May 15, 2024 3:54:38 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

I have some thoughts for your website / minor wording stuff and

May 15, 2024 3:55:24 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

The plus signs are not vertically centered with the text on my phone

May 15, 2024 3:55:56 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Congrats on the two calls

May 15, 2024 3:56:46 PM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

May 15, 2024 3:58:18 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I would change last line - it could implant the idea of slow development and possibly complaining May say an intense amount of love

May 15, 2024 3:58:54 PM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

“Ridiculous amount of time”

May 15, 2024 3:59:48 PM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Phone 📱 s plugged in to wall - response time may vary 😁

May 15, 2024 8:50:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

May 15, 2024 8:50:46 PM Me

Thx for feedback so far

May 16, 2024 8:25:07 AM Me

Hi

May 16, 2024 8:27:24 AM +13038752587

Good morning Good night 💤

May 16, 2024 8:28:02 AM Me

Yeah, I wish I could go back to sleep too

May 16, 2024 8:30:06 AM Me

Starting to feel really numb to being alive. It’s been sadness unhappiness and unpredictability for every day for a whole year. Feeling this kind of intense negativity every day for that length of time does something to you

May 16, 2024 8:30:31 AM Me

I’m losing any sense of caring about anything or anyone?

May 16, 2024 8:30:50 AM Me

Had an incredibly triggering interaction with Aidan yesterday too

May 16, 2024 8:31:13 AM Me

I never see the guy and then when I do, he triggers me all the fuck up

May 16, 2024 8:32:01 AM Me

Just feeling super numb and don’t want to really be here and or do anything

May 16, 2024 8:32:54 AM +13038752587

Go do it anyway.

May 16, 2024 8:33:06 AM Me

And I’m well aware that my situation at this point has permanently impacted me and changed me in Waze that I don’t like and other people are gonna like

May 16, 2024 8:33:41 AM Me

Lake when I look people straighten the eye and tell him to go fuck off

May 16, 2024 8:33:45 AM +13038752587

It’s only permanent if you choose it

May 16, 2024 8:33:56 AM Me

It feels good to tell people to fuck off

May 16, 2024 8:34:14 AM Me

It feels good so I might make it permanent

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May 16, 2024 8:34:45 AM Me

I’ve done nothing but care about what other people think for my whole fucking life. If I turned that off right now and walked around and just looked at somebody and said hey fuck you it went about my day. I’d be pretty happy.

May 16, 2024 8:35:17 AM Me

It really doesn’t matter who you are. I pretty much will tell everyone to fuck off at this point in my life. I just don’t care anymore.

May 16, 2024 8:35:50 AM Me

I truly do not care. I could be struck dead this second and I’d be fine with it. In fact, I’d ask what took you so long. I’ve been fucking waiting for you.

May 16, 2024 8:36:05 AM +13038752587

Be selective- there are folks who need to here it and others need a hug

May 16, 2024 8:36:14 AM Me

I’m to the point where you give up and you give the world the finger

May 16, 2024 8:38:02 AM +13038752587

There’s a dude Sarah has on Instagram who spins poems about not giving a fuck. I’ll see who it is

May 16, 2024 8:38:04 AM Me

I’m fine with people hearing it. The thing is I needed a hugs my whole life and I never got them, Liz thought it too needy. So the world can fuck right the hell off

May 16, 2024 8:38:11 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

I think you’ll like them

May 16, 2024 8:39:02 AM Me

I’ve definitely flipped the switch to the point where if I was in this headspace a couple of weeks ago and those people tried to start a fight with me. I would’ve just gone right at them and not even said anything and just started pounding on them.

May 16, 2024 8:39:18 AM Me

I’ve crossed the Rubicon

May 16, 2024 8:39:49 AM Me

I’m not the same anymore and I don’t think I’ll ever be what I was before. I’m far more abrasive and irritable

May 16, 2024 8:40:15 AM Me

And I’ve lost almost every filter, keeping things from coming out of my mouth

May 16, 2024 8:40:47 AM +13038752587

I’m fading Keep texting 💬 I’ll read when I bring Lilly to school

May 16, 2024 8:40:51 AM Me

I have no problem, speaking the truth out loud, especially in fact, I enjoyed the most when it makes others extremely uncomfortable to the point where they skin is crawling

May 16, 2024 8:42:16 AM Me

It’s one of the reasons I’m hesitant to go to graduation. When I went to Darragh senior exhibition, Liz’s friends were giving me dirty, looks and staring at me constantly. I won’t go to Darragh‘s graduation if that’s gonna be the case because that’s boundary that I have to put up to protect myself I’m tempted to ask Elizabeth not to invite her friends to the graduation. I’m tempted to say it’s either your friends can come to the graduation or I come to the graduation and since you get to decide everything Liz, I’ll let you decide this too.

May 16, 2024 8:43:04 AM Me

That’s the thing nobody’s really kind of noticed about all of this. Liz has made every fucking decision about this. The boys and Elizabeth continued to live their lives like nothings happened. And it’s like I don’t exist.

May 16, 2024 8:43:32 AM Me

And I’ve said this to the boys already that I feel like you guys are just going on with your lives and I got kicked out of the family

May 16, 2024 8:45:31 AM Me

Just completely fed up. I’m on a fucking carnival ride. I can’t get off of until I’m dead. The really the only question I have is do I wait for the universe to do it? Or do I do it and get this fucking mess over with

May 16, 2024 8:46:51 AM Me

| I so wish there was a way to make people see and feel what I do for just one minute. No hon, just no one just understands no one gets it. And when nobody gets you, it’s frustrating.
Edited 20 seconds later | I so wish there was a way to make people see and feel what I do for just one minute. No one, just no one just understands no one gets it. And when nobody gets you, it’s frustrating.

May 16, 2024 8:49:20 AM Me

There is zero Happiness Joy Peace Relaxing Stress and Survival 24/7

May 16, 2024 8:50:21 AM Me

The last bit is, I’ve actually thought about what would I do if I suddenly was offered a job. I realized that going from where I am back to what society considers normal is going to take a very, very, very long time

May 16, 2024 8:52:41 AM Me

The other thing is the idea that nobody understands you. And the thing is unless you’ve got the combination of shit going on that I do you don’t understand. I don’t know if there’s a lot of people out there with the exact combination of what I got going on, I might be a unicorn who knows. What I do know is that what I’m dealing with and going through something I’m not sure everybody could do. There is a quality to this that I can’t quite put into words yet.

May 16, 2024 11:03:36 AM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Keep staying strong! Up for a minute , then back to sleep for a few hours. What was the type of therapy you mentioned about a week ago?

May 16, 2024 1:05:11 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://aiverse.design/

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May 16, 2024 4:48:19 PM (Read by them after 23 hours, 55 minutes, 36 seconds) Me

Hey there.

May 16, 2024 4:48:28 PM (Read by them after 23 hours, 55 minutes, 27 seconds) Me

how you doing??

May 16, 2024 5:01:52 PM (Read by them after 23 hours, 42 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

You have to be up because it’s past pickup time. U must be absorbed in something

May 16, 2024 5:58:06 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 45 minutes, 49 seconds) Me

Applied to about 6 good roles today that line up well with what I’m after

May 16, 2024 5:58:10 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 45 minutes, 45 seconds) Me

One is a startup

May 16, 2024 5:58:14 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 45 minutes, 41 seconds) Me

Founding designer role

May 16, 2024 5:58:20 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 45 minutes, 35 seconds) Me

Ai startup

May 16, 2024 5:58:28 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 45 minutes, 27 seconds) Me

K, off to darts

May 16, 2024 5:58:44 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 45 minutes, 11 seconds) Me

Bummed. Have no money for pints 😟 only $3 in my pocket

May 16, 2024 8:55:27 PM Me

Losing at darts

May 16, 2024 10:02:26 PM Me

Have lost both matches tonight. Trying for the self talk to boost confidence and convinced darts are going to go in.

May 16, 2024 10:02:50 PM Me

Not working

May 16, 2024 10:33:04 PM Me

We lost by one dart

May 16, 2024 10:41:36 PM Me

You ok?

May 16, 2024 11:42:11 PM Me

Weird to get no response from you. I’m off to sleep. Parked in OJAI. Time for some chips and water, tonight’s dinner

May 17, 2024 8:05:24 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

I was asleep - back on days

May 17, 2024 8:44:28 AM Me

Oh

May 17, 2024 11:17:57 AM (Read by them after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 23 seconds) Me

You alive now?

May 17, 2024 11:17:58 AM (Read by them after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 22 seconds) Me

Among the concisous

May 17, 2024 12:59:00 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

Back on days? Its daytime

May 17, 2024 2:10:02 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 18 seconds) Me

Did you fall asleep? 🤣

May 17, 2024 2:18:06 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Su-W at hotel at night - Thursday - Sunday awake during daytime

May 17, 2024 2:18:27 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Event with Willows class today

May 17, 2024 2:21:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool

May 17, 2024 3:19:58 PM (Read by them after 41 seconds) Me

Hola, you might be interested in this:

May 17, 2024 3:19:59 PM (Read by them after 42 seconds) Me

https://careers.hireology.com/matchnode/505211/description

May 17, 2024 3:20:16 PM (Read by them after 26 seconds) Me

Strong interest in a career in Digital Marketing. Communication skills (written) and a positive attitude. Customer service focus. Ability to work both collaboratively and independently are a necessity. Able to successfully manage and prioritize multiple campaigns in a deadline-driven atmosphere. Strong analytical skills: the ability to gather, analyze, synthesize, summarize, and present data. Ability to manage multiple projects in a fast-paced environment and shift priorities quickly. Proficiency in Google Docs. Familiar with tracking, analytics, and reporting, including GA4. High level of hands-on proficiency in ad platforms, especially Meta. Experience working in digital health or healthcare marketing preferred. Extra points for those with an intense interest in business generally, as strategy ultimately is our highest value service offering.

May 17, 2024 3:20:30 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

What You’ll Be Doing: Hands-on ad strategy: you will be a leader on a team managing ad accounts and client relationships, connecting strategy to our ad operations. Lead client relationships and communication, connecting strategy to deliverables and collaborating with teammates who support clients.

May 17, 2024 3:20:48 PM Me

Dood — that’s you

May 17, 2024 6:19:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Frustrated. DoorDashing and getting no orders. Not making money. Have half bag of tortilla chips and water for dinner. Its what I had last night after darts. Granola bars during day, tortilla chips at night. I can’t stop thinking about not having money. Its part of the daily existential crisis I live inside of.

May 17, 2024 6:22:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Where is the work? Where is the money? Where do I sleep? Where can I pee and 💩 Do I smell bad?

May 17, 2024 6:23:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have those questions every day

May 17, 2024 6:28:30 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 33 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Are you dashing in Ojai or Ventura

May 17, 2024 6:44:17 PM Me

OJAI

May 17, 2024 6:44:29 PM Me

I don’t know why it always wants to make Ojai BUT there you go

May 17, 2024 6:44:53 PM Me

I’m even sitting inside the apps hotspot zone where you’re supposed to get more orders, but I’m not getting shit

May 17, 2024 6:46:59 PM Me

I wish I could do Ventura, but I don’t have enough money to pay for charging to get me back-and-forth to Ventura. Last night I was lucky and barely made enough to put 10 bucks on my car charging card and was able to get enough battery to get to Darts and back.

May 17, 2024 6:49:38 PM Me

I get to go lay in my car by myself for the rest of the night Bored out of my mind When you don’t interact with people everyday it sort of fucks with your head.

May 17, 2024 6:50:49 PM Me

For me, the longer this goes on the more I identify with this fucked up existence

May 17, 2024 7:04:37 PM Me

$6 for 2 hours. That will get me 9oz package of Turkey meat. Better than nothing. But if I'm still in this at the end of summer there really is no point in going on. I can't live like this much longer

May 17, 2024 7:05:46 PM Me

Better off gone No more frustration and mental suffering from a life I was forced into

May 17, 2024 7:15:03 PM +13038752587

How much is a full charge on your car?

May 17, 2024 7:17:13 PM Me

$10

May 17, 2024 7:19:05 PM Me

I dashed this morning to make money to charge. I made $9, but had a $1 in the account so I could transfer. I transferred the money and was able to charge. So I have battery to drive and deliver but no orders.

May 17, 2024 7:20:21 PM Me

It sux to be so down on your luck and put an effort in to keep your Head above water and nothing seems to be dependable

May 17, 2024 7:21:40 PM Me

To make matters worse, I drive to where the app says the hot zones are and I just sat here in a hot zone for a half an hour with the app telling me I’d get an app order in 2 to 6 minutes and I got nothing

May 17, 2024 7:22:03 PM Me

The hot zone just changed so now I’m gonna drive my ass over to another part of town and do the same fucking thing all over again

May 17, 2024 7:23:12 PM Me

My next DoorDash is in until tomorrow night dinner time so good to hang out by myself till then. Yay me.

May 17, 2024 7:28:34 PM Me

I havee do or dash and uber eats apps running and getting nothing

May 17, 2024 7:32:15 PM Me

Oh a sidenote I woke up this morning with a piece of paper on my windshield. Someone walked around and put notes on peoples windshield who were parked overnight in the park. They’re about homeless services like healthcare and that kind of shit. I started crying because I’m so fucking ashamed of myself.

May 17, 2024 7:33:16 PM +13038752587

No need to fell ashamed

May 17, 2024 7:33:17 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 17, 2024 7:34:03 PM +13038752587

Charging phone - I’ll check in later.

May 17, 2024 7:34:26 PM Me

Probably the hardest thing for me is walking around with an inferior complex the size of Jupiter. People don’t know I’m homeless, but I’m pretty sure they’re picking up that vibe from me I feel sketchy so I have to be putting out the sketchy vibes

May 17, 2024 7:57:40 PM +13038752587

I’m sure the family will come through with food funds. Are you already on the schedule for Ojai tomorrow or can you do Ventura or Santa Barbara?

May 17, 2024 8:15:49 PM Me

On the schedule for Ojai

May 17, 2024 8:17:22 PM Me

My brother just helped me get a figma template for my client project yesterday so I’m unsure. Probably missed parents it’s after 10pm.

May 17, 2024 8:24:15 PM Me

😔

May 17, 2024 9:58:50 PM Me

Darrell that Chicano Batman cover will bring you back to the old Brian Inn

May 17, 2024 9:59:00 PM Me

Spotify

May 17, 2024 9:59:45 PM Me

I would so love to see them live. That’s actually something I would love to be able to do if I had money. Is I would be going to LA to see a lot of music. I did that before I had kids, I think you remember me and Liz going bananas on concerts

May 17, 2024 10:00:47 PM Me

Sometimes I wish I had gone down the music rabbit hole rather than the Computer rabbit hole. I so love music. It literally moves through me as I know you have seen your eyes. 👀

May 17, 2024 10:11:32 PM Me

Spotify

May 17, 2024 10:12:06 PM Me

That hits SOOO fucking hard I’m crying as I type this

May 17, 2024 10:13:16 PM Me

Not only your dreams but everything you got might be gone too That’s how it hits

May 17, 2024 10:13:31 PM Me

That’s what I’m talking about

May 17, 2024 10:20:40 PM Me

Lose the life you currently live, but not on your terms, you’re forced out. Your families life and lifestyle moves on largely unchanged with the exception being, my presence. Go homeless Live in your car Go jobless Want to work Rejected everywhere Contend with fluctuating major depression and CPTSD symptoms at times Liquidated any and all assets to live. Every morning I wake up with existential dread for the day. Despite pushing and meditating and trying to be a good human I find myself feeling done.

May 17, 2024 10:21:09 PM Me

I just don’t feel the juice for act two

May 17, 2024 10:21:30 PM Me

I’ve got too many problems with the base code and re-factoring is not an option

May 17, 2024 10:21:51 PM Me

I’ve tried to reactor and discovered it’s not software. It’s hardware.

May 17, 2024 10:28:47 PM Me

Therapy tomorrow at 3

May 18, 2024 8:44:35 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 41 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Bring all of what you just texted up in therapy

May 18, 2024 8:45:08 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ask about her take on ketamine and psilocybin therapies?

May 18, 2024 12:43:21 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

May 18, 2024 8:44:35 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 41 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Bring all of what you just texted up in therapy
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 18, 2024 8:45:08 AM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ask about her take on ketamine and psilocybin therapies?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 18, 2024 9:47:36 AM Me

I wish I could afford it, even if I’m perfect candidate I don’t have working health insurance to cover it Would be completely out of pocket and that’s not even knowing how it would turn out

May 18, 2024 9:49:30 AM Me

Just woke up 10 mins ago Already had an intense cry and now a headache has replaced it. I cry when I wake up I cry when I go to bed Been that way for a long time

May 18, 2024 9:54:17 AM Me

Sometimes feel as if I could sit and cry all day long but I then get self conscious and mean towards myself saying suck it up buttercup You’re a fucking weak selfish man who can’t handle the simplest of situations or problems. Your incapable of putting on your big boy pants Any emotional expression ultimately becomes too much and I have to stop

May 18, 2024 9:54:19 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Still ask her opinion

May 18, 2024 9:54:56 AM Me

Ok

May 18, 2024 9:58:24 AM Me

U know how much I dredge through my mind on a daily basis U r the only person who has a good gauge on how much suffering I’ve contended with I know for certain that others who know me are clueless Some very close to me

May 18, 2024 9:58:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Well don’t cry all day - but allowing time to let the emotions flow out is probably good therapy Above all don’t judge yourself

May 18, 2024 10:00:30 AM Me

It hurts more when you know that people don’t know the depths of what you’re going through, how long it’s been there, and what you do to survive inside your own head

May 18, 2024 10:01:37 AM Me

It’s not like I walk around with part of me visibly handicapped. If that’s even what I want to call this.

May 18, 2024 10:02:17 AM Me

I’m tired of this existence

May 18, 2024 10:03:40 AM (Read by you after 43 seconds) +13038752587

Indeed - it’s actually called invisible handicaps. Be assume everything is ok because there are no visible cues

May 18, 2024 10:03:51 AM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

Bb in 10m

May 18, 2024 11:08:35 AM Me

Being alive hurts. Being conscious hurts. Being aware hurts. Just being hurts

May 18, 2024 11:09:16 AM Me

Hurt is everywhere and ever present

May 18, 2024 11:09:51 AM Me

Trying to go find somewhere to park and cry

May 18, 2024 11:10:37 AM Me

That’s the thing there’s nowhere to go. I feel unwanted and as if I’m trespassing everywhere I go

May 18, 2024 11:10:52 AM Me

That’s what homelessness does to you makes you feel like you don’t fucking belong

May 18, 2024 11:11:56 AM Me

From where I sit, it’s very easy to understand why people check the fuck out don’t fucking be around anymore. Nobody wants you. You’re not wanting anywhere. Why the fuck exist

May 18, 2024 11:12:59 AM Me

When you start to feel that the only reason you’re alive is to suffer. That’s where I’m at. That’s all I feel is. I’m only fucking here to suffer.

May 18, 2024 11:17:58 AM Me

Today the predominant feeling is I just don’t wanna be alive. I just don’t understand why I’m alive. I don’t contribute anything. I don’t provide happiness. I don’t provide anybody pretty much anything kind of fucking useless.

May 18, 2024 11:22:27 AM Me

Nowhere to go nowhere to be Nowhere to just exist

May 18, 2024 11:23:39 AM Me

It might be time to go distract myself by putting my face in the computer screen. Doesn’t do anything to make me feel any better just delays the inevitable suffering that’s gonna come back because it’s always there.

May 18, 2024 11:26:19 AM Me

The suffering thoughts and feelings are always in my head. This past year or so my state of mind is either suffering or I’m distracted. But whenever I’m present, I’m suffering because I am in this moment. I am fully aware of my situation and circumstances so in many ways being present is suffering for me. I’m seeing everything I do as a temporary minor distraction from returning to pain and suffering inside my head forever and ever

May 18, 2024 11:30:16 AM Me

Maybe if I accept the worthless this is suffering instead of fighting it? Should I just encompass it and be the suffering? No fucking idea. I just know that my daily existence for this past year hurts because I have no memories of the year and have lost a lot of time. I discovered that there are huge parts of my life. I have no memories of because I was too fucking stressed out and worried about bullshit to be in the moment to form a memory.

May 18, 2024 11:30:27 AM Me

So well, I may have left a great life raising my kids. I don’t remember it.

May 18, 2024 11:30:45 AM Me

It’s really sad 😢

May 18, 2024 11:35:51 AM Me

I keep thinking about going to Darragh‘s graduation and the predominant thought is I will not be able to take my mind off of sitting in the knowledge and awareness of all that I’ve lost. I’ll be sitting right in the middle of it. All can I not think that How much I lost. Going to his graduation is gonna be really painful. And I know that Elizabeth‘s friends who give me the fucking dirty looks are gonna be there I already said it to Aidan that I may not be able to be at graduation. And he freaked out and said, but what about Darragh And I said Aidan my whole life I’ve never taken care of myself and I’ve never protected myself so now that I want to it suddenly not OK? He told me I would regret not going to Darragh‘s graduation. I reminded him that plenty of people will be video recording it so I’ll see it. So it really comes down to a decision. Do I wanna sit there and suffer for the whole day? An expose myself to a ridiculous number of triggers, which include basically the eyeballs of every faculty member on campus looking at me. It would be just so much easier if I didn’t exist because then me being at graduation would be in moot Point.

May 18, 2024 11:36:48 AM Me

Do I protect myself? Or do I go to graduation knowing that at any moment I could just burst out into tears and not be able to stop crying and draw a shit ton of attention that probably nobody wants.

May 18, 2024 11:42:18 AM Me

No coffee for me 😔 Literally 3¢ short in the app to buy a small coffee and no money to reload Yay!

May 18, 2024 11:42:53 AM Me

Spent the money last night on food and money all gone poof

May 18, 2024 12:09:22 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 38 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

How much did Russsll send you? When are you dashing today?

May 18, 2024 12:08:03 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Alright! First thing first - a lot of ego - everyone will be looking at you - really? They have the own shit to deal with. Let that bullshit belief go! That’s all your creation. Second if anyone has an issue with you - that’s their fucking problem- let them carry its weight. Really, smile and say have a good day! Next, if you’re suffering anyway going to the graduation doesn’t change things. Btw - according to Buddhism - suffering in the first tenant of life. Accepting this actually relieves the burden of it. Yes, you will be facing the loss of your past life. And, understandably, that comes with some discomfort. Channel that into motivation to change. My belief, of all times to do something for someone, now is the time. Your last son is graduating from Thacher, from high school, from childhood, next year he begins the next stage of his life. Be there! You will have family there to support you.

May 18, 2024 12:08:03 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 18, 2024 12:09:22 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 38 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

How much did Russsll send you? When are you dashing today?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 18, 2024 12:17:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dashing from 5-7pm

May 18, 2024 12:17:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

25

May 18, 2024 12:17:43 PM Me

Money goes fast out here in CA. Nothing less than $5, for real

May 18, 2024 12:19:46 PM Me

Sent you that pick of bread and a couple of items and it was 24

May 18, 2024 1:12:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

May 18, 2024 1:12:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

May 18, 2024 2:10:55 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

What insights do you get from these?

May 18, 2024 2:27:22 PM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 41 seconds) ⇲ Me

That life is short

May 18, 2024 2:11:07 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks for sending them

May 18, 2024 2:26:51 PM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

May 18, 2024 2:27:22 PM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 41 seconds) ⇱ Me

That life is short
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 18, 2024 2:29:48 PM (Read by them after 8 minutes, 17 seconds) Me

I happened to see an email and thought I had received it long ago—5 days

May 18, 2024 2:30:02 PM (Read by them after 8 minutes, 1 second) Me

My sense of time passage is all fucked up

May 18, 2024 5:02:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good therapy session. It helps just to let lots of shit out to someone who can connect the dots

May 18, 2024 5:02:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m exhausted

May 18, 2024 5:02:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Still have door dash from 5-7

May 18, 2024 6:30:32 PM (Read by them after 19 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

Hola, 1/2 an hour in and no deliveries yet. $0

May 18, 2024 6:30:33 PM (Read by them after 19 minutes, 51 seconds) Me

Ugh

May 18, 2024 6:54:37 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m one hour done of two for tonight. $0

May 18, 2024 7:40:47 PM Me

20 minutes left in a 2 hour block and I’ve gotten no deliveries. Have made $0

May 18, 2024 7:42:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Ojai seems like it’s not the lace for dashing

May 18, 2024 7:43:14 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe try Ventura

May 18, 2024 7:44:29 PM Me

Can’t

May 18, 2024 7:44:35 PM Me

its on a schedule

May 18, 2024 7:44:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Only so many deliver at any time

May 18, 2024 7:45:00 PM Me

If you’re not up at 6-7 am 7 days out you dont get slots

May 18, 2024 7:45:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

They get taken

May 18, 2024 7:45:18 PM Me

15 mins left. Sux

May 18, 2024 7:45:40 PM Me

It would be a week before I could get into Ventura, and then its more competitive than here

May 18, 2024 7:46:04 PM Me

Whenever I’m in Ventura Ojai is Super Busy

May 18, 2024 7:46:08 PM Me

And vice versa

May 18, 2024 7:46:30 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Then it makes sense to stay in one place

May 18, 2024 7:46:30 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 18, 2024 7:48:46 PM Me

Not driving Sitting in my car

May 18, 2024 7:50:10 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Was 25 all you asked Russell for?

May 18, 2024 7:59:22 PM Me

He asked me yesterday if 20 bucks would be OK and I had to pause and think and remembered that I bought those four things that cost me 24 bucks so I asked him for 25

May 18, 2024 8:00:23 PM Me

And that’s gone. I tried to extend my dash but there’s no slots left and my dash ends in one minute this sucks. Guess I’m off to park and sleep for the night. I don’t have any money to do anything yay.

May 18, 2024 8:04:52 PM Me

I DoorDash for a couple of timeslots tomorrow and I’m hoping my luck turns around. I never thought rejection would creep into this. Just fucking rejected in every fucking part of my life.

May 18, 2024 8:05:15 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It’s not creeping in

May 18, 2024 8:05:20 PM Me

Socially professionally publicly doesn’t matter where I show up it’s rejection

May 18, 2024 8:05:40 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Let go of that horse

May 18, 2024 8:05:49 PM Me

It’s what it feels like it feels pointless

May 18, 2024 8:06:43 PM Me

And when things are pointless, I just stare into fucking space and flatline my brain. I did it for about half an hour 45 minutes today. It’s like my brain has too many thoughts and too much stress all at once so it fucking shuts off or it turns me off and I just kinda sit there until I snap out of it.

May 18, 2024 8:07:53 PM Me

It’s like going catatonic temporarily. What’s weird is I can perceive things, but I am kind of frozen. You have no desire to move or do anything.

May 18, 2024 8:08:35 PM Me

In some ways, it’s kind of like a safe place. Just turn off the fucking world and hide inside your head.

May 18, 2024 8:09:38 PM Me

I was really hoping I could have some money to buy a drink of some kind. I don’t use it as a crutch and I’m not an alcoholic but damn I really want one right now.

May 18, 2024 8:25:53 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you - hopefully tomorrow will be a money day.

May 18, 2024 8:27:36 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

A thought - create a fiver profile and offer to do logos or other Graphic Arts for for a ridiculous price

May 18, 2024 8:29:00 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 39 seconds) +13038752587

First 25 get a professionally designed for logo for $99 - one logo - three revisions. Reason for such a good deal - build up fiver profile as you are new to it

May 18, 2024 8:30:59 PM Me

Not a bad idea

May 18, 2024 8:32:04 PM Me

Well, I’m done sitting in the parking lot of the supermarket and I guess I’m gonna head over to the park for the night.

May 18, 2024 8:44:22 PM Me

Dinner 🥘

May 18, 2024 8:45:12 PM Me

I had some dollar bills and a ton of change Storage at my storage place so I went and got one beer and chips for eight dollars flat

May 18, 2024 8:46:20 PM Me

Mark my words, I’m gonna get my shit back together and within one year I’m gonna have terminal cancer diagnosis for real

May 18, 2024 9:26:20 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 54 minutes, 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Interesting story.

May 18, 2024 9:27:18 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Now , rip it up and write another. You will get through this and an amazing future awaits

May 18, 2024 8:47:23 PM Me

It’s just how my fucking luck is going it’s that or maybe the cancer will come before then who knows. I’m certainly not healthy and not clean and my body has the welcome mad out for something.

May 18, 2024 9:09:21 PM Me

My hope is that someone will remember how hard I tried

May 18, 2024 9:26:20 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 54 minutes, 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Interesting story.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 18, 2024 9:27:18 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 53 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Now , rip it up and write another. You will get through this and an amazing future awaits
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 19, 2024 12:32:58 AM Me

Interesting that when I face Elizabeth I feel fear. She still has shit going on

May 19, 2024 10:13:48 AM Me

Good morning Woke up sad again. All I have left in me is sadness

May 19, 2024 10:26:33 AM Me

I have no life I exist, I don’t live

May 19, 2024 10:36:18 AM Me

I’m invisible, forgotten and consistently rejected in multiple ways on a daily basis My birthday is forgotten by my kids… If I weren’t here or alive it would only affect your text message inbox No one needs me. No one will miss me. I have no purpose. I’m only here to feel suffering I have nothing I didn’t choose this I want it to stop

May 19, 2024 10:38:18 AM Me

I hate being alive

May 19, 2024 10:55:09 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

A question 🙋‍♂️

May 19, 2024 10:56:02 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Do you hate being alive or do you hate your current experience?

May 19, 2024 11:05:22 AM ⇲ Me

Being alive

May 19, 2024 11:05:44 AM ⇲ Me

There’s no guarantees that anything will work out

May 19, 2024 11:04:39 AM Me

A year of unemployment and homelessness, food insecurity and loneliness has taken a toll on me. It’s fucked me up and I hate waking up each day to suffer the day through. I don’t want to be alive plain and simple. I’m invisible Forgotten and Rejected consistently What message do I take away?? I dont matter, and living hurts too much to keep going

May 19, 2024 11:05:04 AM Me

Being alive

May 19, 2024 11:05:22 AM ⇱ Me

Being alive
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 19, 2024 11:05:44 AM ⇱ Me

There’s no guarantees that anything will work out
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 19, 2024 11:06:38 AM Me

That big paragraph above is what I about to send Liz. She lives in an ivory tower and thinks or doesn’t think about me. And she needs to know that I am not OK.

May 19, 2024 11:07:26 AM Me

Anyhow, I have to DoorDash crossing my fingers that I’ll be able to fucking eat today

May 19, 2024 11:07:36 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The “im invisible” one

May 19, 2024 11:09:01 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You will - say to yourself Money flows easily from everywhere to me Repeat it all day long

May 19, 2024 12:49:40 PM Me

I just nearly locked eyes with the guy who took my job at Thacher and has since retired and living the good life. And the level of shame as I looked towards the ground and proceeded to walk to my car with the delivery. It was a lot to deal with in that moment.

May 19, 2024 12:50:25 PM Me

It’s like the universe has triggers for me everywhere I already have a fucking headache. It’s noon not even noon. I haven’t had any coffee or anything to eat because I don’t have any fucking money until my dash is over and even then I have to spend money to charge my car so I don’t have as much as I think I do.

May 19, 2024 12:51:01 PM Me

I really would prefer not to be alive. If this is gonna be the way I have to live because this isn’t living is fucking survival.

May 19, 2024 3:38:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Finished my intro vid for my Vodcast. Let me know what you think. I did all of the editing, video and audio.

May 19, 2024 3:38:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

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May 19, 2024 3:39:14 PM Me

Now that’s done I can start cranking out the episodes.

May 19, 2024 4:41:16 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 19, 2024 7:01:59 PM Me

May 19, 2024 7:24:21 PM Me

The path diverged I went left

May 19, 2024 10:00:31 PM Me

Spotify

May 19, 2024 10:18:34 PM Me

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May 19, 2024 11:45:18 PM Me

Periodic Catatonic

May 19, 2024 11:55:42 PM Me

YouTube

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May 20, 2024 2:29:47 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 35 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Good episode

May 20, 2024 8:06:03 AM Me

Day or night this week?

May 20, 2024 8:51:52 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Nights through Thursday morning

May 20, 2024 8:52:02 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Then days

May 20, 2024 8:56:02 AM Me

I’ll never remember 😝

May 20, 2024 8:56:20 AM Me

Dashed from 5:30-7:30 Made $23

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May 20, 2024 8:56:49 AM Me

Rest of day is work and art

May 20, 2024 8:57:31 AM Me

I’ll send prototype links 🔗 for you to test and try

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May 20, 2024 8:57:42 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Are you dashing today?

May 20, 2024 8:57:59 AM Me

Just finished

May 20, 2024 8:58:18 AM +13038752587

You dashed this morning- got it

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Liked by Me

May 20, 2024 8:58:56 AM Me

Took one to see if you got orders and they show up at 6am

May 20, 2024 8:59:13 AM Me

4 deliveries $23

May 20, 2024 9:00:48 AM Me

Plus in CA they’re required to pay up to minimum wage for the per hour. So if you “sit” for 2 hours and make no deliveries they still have to pay you $15per hour

May 20, 2024 9:02:22 AM Me

About to go down prototype rabbit hole

May 20, 2024 9:06:41 AM +13038752587

So you actually make a minimum of $30 gross whether you make a delivery or not. That’s pretty cool.

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May 20, 2024 9:14:10 AM ⇲ Me

But if you make $32 on deliveries that's what you get. Once you meet the per hour amount they’re off the hook

May 20, 2024 9:14:39 AM ⇲ Me

ie, made $50 for 2hrs once

May 20, 2024 9:07:41 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok tuning out until 3:20

May 20, 2024 9:14:10 AM ⇱ Me

But if you make $32 on deliveries that's what you get. Once you meet the per hour amount they’re off the hook
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 20, 2024 9:14:39 AM ⇱ Me

ie, made $50 for 2hrs once
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 20, 2024 9:37:01 AM Me

Spotify

May 20, 2024 9:52:19 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

So good.

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May 20, 2024 9:52:48 AM Me

“I am so distant from the hope of myself…” damn, that hits hard

May 20, 2024 12:49:52 PM Me

May 20, 2024 4:06:32 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 19 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Wow - simple and profound

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Emphasized by Me

May 20, 2024 3:33:24 PM (Read by them after 29 seconds) Me

May 20, 2024 4:06:32 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 19 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Wow - simple and profound

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Emphasized by Me
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 20, 2024 7:26:44 PM Me

Right!

May 20, 2024 7:27:12 PM Me

Let me know you saw that old dancing geezer, the other link I sent

May 20, 2024 7:27:42 PM Me

I made good progress today. I’ll send you some screen captures and if I can get links working, I’ll send a link.

May 20, 2024 7:28:13 PM Me

Also, I’m gonna change my homepage on mobile if you notice it says Bert at the top and then it says hi I’m Bert and so you’ve got Bert Bert unless I want to call myself Bert Bert from now on 🤣🤣

May 20, 2024 7:28:34 PM Me

Actually, my T-shirt thing is going to be BertSherts

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May 20, 2024 10:12:14 PM Me

I just got incredibly sad to the point of weeping, thinking about Jenica. She’s fucking perfect for me. She checks every fucking box that I have, like some of them 50 times over. She gave me all I wanted from Liz and didn’t get. And it smacks me in the face to realize the only reason I’m not with her is because I’m poor. Have a place to live. For real. If I had myself grounded in an apartment and my own space that I could live in, I’d still be with her. It bothered her immensely that I would leave her place and not have a place to go. She had been through relationships where she cared for people, which significantly hurt her. So, she protects herself by not extending that kindness to others anymore. So it’s terrible timing. What I do know is that I want nothing more than to get fucking grounded. Call her up and see if she wants to go on a trip somewhere. I miss her. I fell for her hard.

May 20, 2024 10:13:06 PM Me

By the way, I’ve sent applications out that are far more targeted, and I have gotten replies and they are all rejections. And some I haven’t heard from, basically ghosting. And I’ve had that happen with a couple recruiters recently, even when I talk to you on the phone.

May 20, 2024 10:14:08 PM Me

By the way, let me know if you have any clever ideas for my website. Something storytelling perhaps? I need something more engaging. I need something that helps me stand out in a positive way.

May 20, 2024 10:15:01 PM Me

It shouldn’t be this hard to come up with a clever idea of because it’s my own shit. It’s next to impossible to be objective and clever. I’m not being hired by somebody else to do this. It’s my shit and I’m trying to sell me and it’s really fucking hard. I’m going to, make sure I do study on my website and put it on there

May 20, 2024 10:19:19 PM Me

I just parked my car for the night. Going to run a couple of tests on my website and then call it a night

May 20, 2024 10:19:58 PM Me

Are you at the hotel?

May 20, 2024 10:22:45 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

May 20, 2024 10:24:12 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Have you made post of how you are using AI in the creative world. This will get attention. People need people who understand how to implement AI to solve problems

May 20, 2024 10:24:22 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes) +13038752587

On LinkedIn

May 20, 2024 11:06:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Good idea

May 21, 2024 8:18:04 AM Me

Hey

May 21, 2024 8:32:38 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

May 21, 2024 8:48:11 AM Me

No money 4 coffee 😕 Spotify took the $17 from account last night and broke again. I hate this

May 21, 2024 8:49:31 AM Me

I'm behind on a bunch of subscriptions too, like Adobe. Feels like a matter of Time until I'm on the streets with nothing

May 21, 2024 8:50:13 AM Me

Car pmt, storage, car registration $1000 right there

May 21, 2024 8:52:41 AM Me

The stress is indescribable

May 21, 2024 8:53:15 AM Me

Like persistent hyperventilating

May 21, 2024 8:54:06 AM Me

Then stress gets so intense I burst into tears and can't stop

May 21, 2024 8:56:33 AM Me

I'm tired of life. There is only pain and suffering

May 21, 2024 8:56:54 AM Me

Or distraction.

May 21, 2024 8:58:24 AM Me

Ok, time to go pretend I'm going to find work to distract me sufficiently for a few hours only to return right back to the pain

May 21, 2024 8:59:23 AM Me

It's never leaving, the pain of my life. It will always be here and always feel fresh

May 21, 2024 9:00:10 AM Me

Going on 4 years of this, and hard depression for 12 years

May 21, 2024 9:00:49 AM Me

Death is more appealing than life right now

May 21, 2024 9:01:04 AM Me

All this pain and depression stops

May 21, 2024 9:02:49 AM Me

I’m sick of listening to myself bitch and moan about this. Can only imagine what it like for you Im sorry I’m slamming you with these texts

May 21, 2024 9:13:35 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Let it out.

May 21, 2024 9:14:36 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Cancel the subscriptions that you don’t need. List what you’re currently subscribing too

May 21, 2024 9:15:05 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Are you signed up for dashing

May 21, 2024 9:15:20 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

today?

May 21, 2024 9:26:28 AM ⇲ Me

Yes, 2 shifts. 12-1, 4-7

May 21, 2024 9:16:07 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

I have some things to talk over with you - I’ll call you this afternoon.

May 21, 2024 9:16:28 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Stay strong - lots of love coming your way

May 21, 2024 9:26:28 AM ⇱ Me

Yes, 2 shifts. 12-1, 4-7
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 21, 2024 9:27:06 AM Me

All I could get. I’ve gotten Saavy to sign ups

May 21, 2024 10:13:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey, I have no idea how this happened. But after my last text to you, I opened my uber app and instantly got a $14 delivery. I did that, and then noticed I had $12 sitting in Uber. I was able to transfer money into Starbucks card with a few hops thru apps and I sit inside Starbucks with a coffee and feel a lot better.

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May 21, 2024 10:14:11 AM Me

Working on the prototype. Want to send an update and a partial invoice for the last payment.

May 21, 2024 1:20:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Getting emails from CC companies now saying that account is closed and they’re asking to arrange paying part of the debt. I wonder what part of “I dont have any money” they dont understand in my letter?

May 21, 2024 1:21:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What happens when CC companies close your accounts and write off your debt? Is that worse than declaring bankruptcy? I mean if I’m not bankrupt, I dont know what is. I’ve seen bankrupt people still able to go around and buy lunch, etc.

May 21, 2024 4:46:28 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 19 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It dings your credit rating for a bit. Bankruptcy is a 7 year in general.

May 21, 2024 4:47:53 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 54 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

First sentence is about CCs

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Liked by Me

May 21, 2024 1:21:32 PM Me

I dont get it

May 21, 2024 1:21:40 PM Me

Just like unemployment

May 21, 2024 1:22:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I want to tell my next employer to not take federal taxes out of my paycheck, they can suck my dick.

May 21, 2024 1:22:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

frustrated with just about everything

May 21, 2024 1:22:57 PM Me

Im very jaded now’

May 21, 2024 1:24:24 PM Me

K, going to sit in my car outside of Starbucks for a few minutes. Couple more hours then I go door dash. I really dont like this life… its lonely and depressing. My user experience is less than stellar

May 21, 2024 1:24:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wouldn’t even get half a star from me

May 21, 2024 1:40:14 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

May 21, 2024 1:40:50 PM Me

I have/had both. Sux to have nothing and watch your family keep living their lives as if nothing happened — that hurts a lot

May 21, 2024 1:41:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling overwhelmed today — actually I feel it every day, but today its particularly acute.

May 21, 2024 2:08:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I get this message multiple times a day from the companies that are nice enough not to ghost you.

May 21, 2024 2:11:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/news/story/disneys-pixar-cutting-jobs-6041612/

May 21, 2024 2:11:49 PM Me

175 people

May 21, 2024 2:12:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

14% of their people

May 21, 2024 2:12:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

More creatives looking for work

May 21, 2024 4:30:44 PM Me

I’m dashing for 💰

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May 21, 2024 4:46:28 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 19 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It dings your credit rating for a bit. Bankruptcy is a 7 year in general.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 21, 2024 4:47:53 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 54 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

First sentence is about CCs

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May 22, 2024 8:48:39 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning- I’m going to bed. Have you signed up for instacart too? Do you have any designs for bertsherts completed? Ttyl - when I wake up

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May 22, 2024 9:27:20 AM Me

Just up. Feeling super tired. I think I’m doing fight club again in the middle of the night.

May 22, 2024 10:20:36 AM Me

I got a tax refund overnight deposited into my account and then woke up to find Adobe went in and took their 60 bucks so I guess I need their apps, but I also need money to survive so fuck. It seems like even if I get the tiniest bit ahead like $50 ahead something calms and chops my feet out from under me. Just fucking tired I’m sick of this and I don’t want to do it anymore. I think the medication dosage change is kicking in because right now Would typically be crying like a motherfucker, I’m not crying. I’m just sort of staring off into space blindly numb disconnected lost

May 22, 2024 11:27:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yo! —

May 22, 2024 11:28:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Highmark Health Careers

May 22, 2024 11:28:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Pay Range Minimum: $92,300.00 Pay Range Maximum: $170,800.00

May 22, 2024 11:28:34 AM Me

Word. And remote

May 22, 2024 11:29:14 AM Me

Also, this.

May 22, 2024 11:29:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

X (formerly Twitter)

May 22, 2024 11:29:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool things with 4o

May 22, 2024 1:11:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://careers.qualcomm.com/careers/job/446698896274-manager-digital-marketing-strategist-artificial-intelligence--san-diego-california-united-states-of-america?domain=qualcomm.com

May 22, 2024 5:06:40 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

May 22, 2024 5:06:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

A headline idea

May 22, 2024 5:13:06 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Is this for the app?

May 22, 2024 5:29:29 PM ⇲ Me

No the group x

May 22, 2024 5:29:39 PM ⇲ Me

Wire framing now

May 22, 2024 5:30:32 PM ⇲ Me

Been working since 9am. Was doordashing

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May 22, 2024 5:29:17 PM Me

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/05/openai-scarlett-johansson-sky/678446/

May 22, 2024 5:29:29 PM ⇱ Me

No the group x
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 22, 2024 5:29:39 PM ⇱ Me

Wire framing now
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 22, 2024 5:30:19 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

What is group x

May 22, 2024 5:30:32 PM ⇱ Me

Been working since 9am. Was doordashing

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May 22, 2024 5:30:46 PM Me

Dashing more from 5:30-7

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May 22, 2024 5:34:34 PM Me

Then practice darts for league games tomorrow and this weekend I’d like to finish season strong. Imagine if I didn’t have all this shit 💩 going on in my life? I’m in the top 🔝 half of the league. If Maslows hierarchy of basic needs was met for me to take the daily emotional psychological and physical stress that comes with my situation and make it go 💨 If I were secure in my life my dart game would be better I have to believe that it would

May 22, 2024 5:34:43 PM Me

What do u think?

May 22, 2024 5:35:12 PM Me

Obviously I have my priorities straight 😝

May 22, 2024 5:38:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 3 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Most likely - your focus would be better.

May 22, 2024 5:40:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s plan to talk tomorrow- my night is short tonight. Should be home around 4:30 and able to be up and functioning on Tuesday by 12.

May 22, 2024 6:41:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

May 22, 2024 6:42:11 PM Me

So its a Tuesday on a Thursday

May 22, 2024 10:29:21 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 4 minutes, 39 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Whoops 😬

May 22, 2024 6:42:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I applied to this:

May 22, 2024 6:42:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/lead-user-experience-designer-at-hilton-3925533905

May 22, 2024 7:13:08 PM Me

Been dashing and Uber eats at same time for 45 mins and no orders ☹️ I got no food

May 22, 2024 7:13:17 PM Me

🙏

May 22, 2024 7:13:34 PM Me

Need a couple of deliveries

May 22, 2024 7:59:54 PM Me

So pissed. 😡

May 22, 2024 8:00:08 PM Me

Fucking $80 of bills hit

May 22, 2024 8:00:23 PM Me

All the dashing 💨

May 22, 2024 8:00:42 PM Me

My own fault

May 22, 2024 8:00:53 PM Me

Fuck me

May 22, 2024 8:03:18 PM Me

What a frustrating fucking day. I wake up by DoorDash so I can have money for coffee and make money then I go work at Starbucks then I go DoorDash again then I’m done dashing and I look at my money and fucking everybody come in and stuck their hand in my pocket Half a jar of peanut butter maybe a quarter jar of jelly and fat on my body so fucking hate this? What the fuck else do I have to deal with. It’s my own fault :-(

May 22, 2024 8:41:38 PM Me

I’m just being cranky and not grateful. I think that’s my problem is that even though I’m in the shit situation that I’m in when I put my in perspective compared to the people in Gaza, I’d rather be in my spot than being in Gaza right now, although I was feeling really hopeless, I wouldn’t mind going there cause I’d have a high probability of getting blown up and then just wouldn’t have to deal with shit. It just feels like everything is endless red tape and hassle. I mean if I get a job, I instantly have to go to work, but when do I find time to do other shit moves. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to it might take me three months three more months of living in my car while I’m working just to get enough money to pay for first month rent last month rent current month rent and a deposit OK I’m gonna shut up now. I’m done talking for now.

May 22, 2024 8:47:02 PM Me

Dooooood The second guy off the jump OMG 😳

May 22, 2024 8:47:06 PM Me

YouTube

May 22, 2024 8:47:23 PM Me

This guy makes funny videos

May 22, 2024 9:53:09 PM Me

Spotify

May 22, 2024 9:53:25 PM Me

Spotify

May 22, 2024 10:29:21 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 4 minutes, 39 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Whoops 😬
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 9:05:22 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes) +13038752587

Worked late - just getting to sleep now. I’ll text when I wake up in about 6 ish hours

May 23, 2024 9:21:15 AM Me

K. Trying to find money. 💵 Have darts tonight. Last week I was broke so I just played while everyone was having beers. Not that I need to drink to play, but it’s weird to be at the one social event I do, and I’m uncomfortable. I’m not having a good start today. Have my JSC meeting today too.

May 23, 2024 9:22:12 AM Me

Just assume that it’s always a bad day unless I say otherwise. Bad day are the rule not the exception

May 23, 2024 9:23:39 AM Me

Actually may not have enough battery to go to darts. No money to charge. So I may have to ping team and bow out

May 23, 2024 9:24:16 AM Me

Only 50 miles on battery. No way I’ll make round trip

May 23, 2024 10:11:37 AM Me

I fail to understand why I keep trying when all I have to show for a year is rejection, ghosting, and feeling miserable at some point Every. Fucking. Day. Am I blind to my own stupidity and ignorance? Getting on my NSA call in an hour. Everyone in my group is interviewing, some multiple places. One dude found a job… Feeling like I want to go away somewhere, like middle of nowhere with no people and just end this.

May 23, 2024 10:52:05 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

X (formerly Twitter)

May 23, 2024 1:07:05 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

May 23, 2024 1:15:07 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Question. Any chance you could spot me $40 for charging and food? The $80 in bills yesterday crushed my account.

May 23, 2024 1:46:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Trying to use Uber Eats to make money and getting nothing. 😟

May 23, 2024 1:53:05 PM Me

Feeling massively burned out today. And that stresses me out because I feel I’m not pushing myself hard enough. Huge feeling that nothing is working and this will not end, or it will not end well

May 23, 2024 1:54:49 PM Me

Everything feels pointless

May 23, 2024 2:00:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Overwhelming desire to go away and be small and dissapear. Overwhelming sense of being done with this experience, its the carnival ride I can’t get off of.

May 23, 2024 2:43:10 PM Me

Dont want to go to darts tonight. Feeling incredible urge to self isolate. Feeling really low—worthless

May 23, 2024 2:43:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Why go if I’m just a drag on everyones good time? Dont want to be a party pooper

May 23, 2024 2:45:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And the idea of having my parents here next week in a hotel is starting to freak me the fuck out. In my head by the time this graduation was here I would have been working for about 8 months by now, in my beachfront apartment in Ventura. I think about that manifestation all the time, but it never arrives. I’m a proton width away from giving the fuck up—for real

May 23, 2024 2:49:04 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Everything I do feels wrong. Wrong decisions, wrong focus, I can’t even do door dash or ubereats right. That should be easy to make money off that, but somehow I make just enough to float an ass hair above having nothing. The overwhelm right now is literally taking my breath away like a hyperventilation thing.

May 23, 2024 3:01:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You dont need to reply to me. Venting

May 23, 2024 3:01:52 PM Me

but feeling all of it

May 23, 2024 4:17:09 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

What time is darts?

May 23, 2024 4:24:34 PM Me

Oh hey 👋 7pm start. I just left Starbucks. I needed to leave. I’ve spent all day every day this week in there. Starting to go a bit nuts

May 23, 2024 4:25:59 PM Me

At storage. Im doing a 20 min nap to see if it helps.

May 23, 2024 4:39:11 PM Me

Too many people and distractions and loud noises

May 23, 2024 4:39:36 PM Me

Going to the park.

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May 23, 2024 4:40:20 PM Me

This whole time I’m stressing incredibly hard

May 23, 2024 4:40:45 PM Me

Like head is going to explode. It physically hurts

May 23, 2024 4:41:00 PM +13038752587

Stop it 😍

May 23, 2024 4:42:34 PM Me

If I’m awake and not working towards something then I will begin to get physical symptoms. Happens all the time

May 23, 2024 4:42:44 PM Me

It’s my life now

May 23, 2024 4:43:06 PM Me

I’m only stressed. Just a matter of what level.

May 23, 2024 4:43:15 PM +13038752587

Start working towards something

May 23, 2024 4:43:38 PM ⇲ Me

Yeah, the end 🤣

May 23, 2024 4:43:17 PM Me

There is no relax

May 23, 2024 4:43:27 PM +13038752587

Sign up for instacart

May 23, 2024 4:43:38 PM ⇱ Me

Yeah, the end 🤣
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 4:43:44 PM +13038752587

Create a fiver profile

May 23, 2024 4:44:21 PM +13038752587

I signed you up for a video about how to stand out in a tech interview

May 23, 2024 4:44:26 PM Me

I’m unmotivated Frustrated at getting nowhere and busting my ass

May 23, 2024 4:45:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No doubt the traditional job market - resume game sucks

May 23, 2024 4:45:16 PM Me

All I do is stress out all day and I’m alone and have no one to talk to

May 23, 2024 4:45:18 PM +13038752587

BUT

May 23, 2024 4:45:31 PM Me

I just don’t care anymore

May 23, 2024 4:46:05 PM +13038752587

there are opportunities

May 23, 2024 4:46:26 PM Me

I hear you 1000%. Every opportunity I apply to I get rejected or ghosted. It doesn’t matter if it’s a traditional job or not. Nobody fucking wants me.

May 23, 2024 4:46:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Phone about to die -plugging in

May 23, 2024 4:46:51 PM Me

I’m either overqualified or people are looking at me like what the fuck are you applying for this for? You’re a college educated experience, dude

May 23, 2024 4:46:54 PM +13038752587

BBS

May 23, 2024 4:47:15 PM Me

I’m gonna go park my car in the park for the night and just fucking stay there cause I got nothing else

May 23, 2024 4:47:33 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Can you go dash?

May 23, 2024 4:47:55 PM Me

No, I can’t get on the schedule. You have to try to get spots seven days in advance or they get all taken.

May 23, 2024 4:48:17 PM Me

And I sat with Uber eats open for a couple of hours today and got nothing

May 23, 2024 4:51:22 PM +13038752587

Leave it open - if something comes through cool 🆒

May 23, 2024 4:52:43 PM Me

Yeah, great meanwhile I have to text my dart team and they’ll be pissed. We’re going to end up having a forfeit.

May 23, 2024 4:53:18 PM Me

We have a ton of games to make up before the end of the month and I’m gonna fucking let everybody down

May 23, 2024 4:53:24 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Stop caring some more unecccssry pressure

May 23, 2024 4:54:04 PM Me

I’m just pissed because it’s the one thing I do that takes my mind off of my bullshit and I can’t do it so I get to stew in my fucking head all night

May 23, 2024 4:54:15 PM +13038752587

If you want to go, make it happen

May 23, 2024 4:54:26 PM Me

I can’t put electricity in my car

May 23, 2024 4:54:46 PM Me

I don’t have enough miles or battery or money to put juice in the car

May 23, 2024 4:54:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Your mobile sleep in Ventura

May 23, 2024 4:55:00 PM Me

My life is about lack of resources and it sucks

May 23, 2024 4:55:09 PM +13038752587

You said you have 50 miles

May 23, 2024 4:55:47 PM Me

Right, but that doesn’t count the thousand feet of climbing from sea level up to Ojai which eats twice as much battery I need about 75 miles a battery to go to Darts

May 23, 2024 4:56:34 PM Me

I can’t catch a solid break

May 23, 2024 4:56:53 PM +13038752587

Stop trying to catch a break, make one!

May 23, 2024 4:56:57 PM Me

I’d have 80 bucks on my debit card if it wasn’t for bills taking it away. So I’d be able to eat and fill my car.

May 23, 2024 4:57:17 PM Me

I’ve been busting my ass to make a break for a fucking year and it ain’t working

May 23, 2024 4:58:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

True - so what lessons have you learned , what needs to change?

May 23, 2024 4:57:38 PM +13038752587

Last I knew you were in control of your banking.

May 23, 2024 4:57:38 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 23, 2024 4:57:52 PM Me

I’m not driving. I’m sitting in my fucking car on the side of the road.

May 23, 2024 4:58:12 PM Me

I’m not in control of my banking. My checking account is $800 negative. In fact, I haven’t looked in a month because I’m afraid it’s worse.

May 23, 2024 4:58:22 PM Me

I’m living through a reloadable debit card that’s my life

May 23, 2024 4:58:39 PM Me

I got collection agencies calling, and emailing me now to

May 23, 2024 4:58:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

True - so what lessons have you learned , what needs to change?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 4:59:30 PM Me

I’ve learned that people have a lot of subconscious and unconscious biases that I have no ability to change and I’m fighting against it. So I can’t make myself younger. I can’t change peoples unconscious spies I don’t know.

May 23, 2024 4:59:32 PM +13038752587

Hard place no doubt

May 23, 2024 4:59:59 PM Me

It’s an incredibly hard, fucking place and it’s harder when you have a fucking mental illness that’s active and constantly getting in your fucking way

May 23, 2024 5:00:12 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

This is not about others - what have you learned about you

May 23, 2024 5:00:30 PM Me

I’ve learned that I’m unwanted

May 23, 2024 5:00:54 PM +13038752587

That is what you belief, it’s not reality

May 23, 2024 5:00:58 PM Me

That’s what the data is telling me

May 23, 2024 5:01:06 PM +13038752587

Perception vs perspective

May 23, 2024 5:01:12 PM Me

I have 700 or 800 rejections as proof of reality

May 23, 2024 5:01:31 PM Me

That’s not my imagination that’s people passing on connecting with me

May 23, 2024 5:02:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What the data is telling me is you have been continuing to go after something where the odds are stacked against you. Time to pivot, find a different way. The traditional job market is not the path.

May 23, 2024 5:03:57 PM ⇲ Me

The traditional job market probably isn’t the path. But my problem is I have no network. I have no extended colleague network over the history of my career when I leave a place. I leave it all behind the place the people everything. That’s what I’m discovering in the never search alone process right now everybody in my group has a network of colleagues and such to tap into and I’ve got no one

May 23, 2024 5:04:20 PM ⇲ Me

I don’t have any buddies I hang out with every day to shoot the shit with or they have an idea or they have a friend. They know that I should talk to or shit like that. I don’t have that.

May 23, 2024 5:04:37 PM ⇲ Me

I’ve got nothing I’m totally fucking isolated and alone

May 23, 2024 5:02:42 PM Me

It’s weird because I don’t want to be in the space but somehow the universe is fucking keeping me here. There are times when I think I’ve mentally crossed the line and I’m not coming back.

May 23, 2024 5:03:35 PM +13038752587

You can and you will shift things. Not back but new and better

May 23, 2024 5:03:57 PM ⇱ Me

The traditional job market probably isn’t the path. But my problem is I have no network. I have no extended colleague network over the history of my career when I leave a place. I leave it all behind the place the people everything. That’s what I’m discovering in the never search alone process right now everybody in my group has a network of colleagues and such to tap into and I’ve got no one
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 5:04:20 PM ⇱ Me

I don’t have any buddies I hang out with every day to shoot the shit with or they have an idea or they have a friend. They know that I should talk to or shit like that. I don’t have that.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 5:04:37 PM ⇱ Me

I’ve got nothing I’m totally fucking isolated and alone
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 5:04:59 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Go form a network

May 23, 2024 5:05:27 PM Me

I actually held back in my job search council meeting today. We always have an emotional check-in at the beginning and I didn’t wanna share, so I pretended

May 23, 2024 5:05:33 PM +13038752587

What happen to pay from clien

May 23, 2024 5:05:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

When is next milestone

May 23, 2024 5:06:04 PM Me

just sent him an invoice today

May 23, 2024 5:06:13 PM +13038752587

Cool

May 23, 2024 5:06:14 PM Me

But that doesn’t help me today

May 23, 2024 5:07:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No, but it’s good to know money is flowing.

May 23, 2024 5:07:45 PM Me

Literally seeing stars in peripheral vision. Wow, fucked up

May 23, 2024 5:07:50 PM Me

I’m just sitting here

May 23, 2024 5:08:15 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Been there - stress can fuck with you no doubt

May 23, 2024 5:11:24 PM Me

I’m trying to figure out what to say to my dart team. It’s kind of embarrassing saying I can’t come to Darts because I don’t have money, I’m broke and can’t afford to travel. I just get sick of lying to everybody about how I’m doing or what’s up.

May 23, 2024 5:11:45 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What if you spend the day in Ventura tomorrow? Go to darts, tonight and figure out how to make a few bucks tomorrow

May 23, 2024 5:12:49 PM ⇲ Me

Two things. One I have no idea how much battery I will have left, and two I don’t know if what battery I have left. Will be enough for me to go make enough money to fill my car back up. Is it nasty catch 22

May 23, 2024 5:12:12 PM Me

Like I mentioned before the past couple of weeks, I was able to go, but I didn’t have any money when I got there so I just played darts with a dry mouth while everybody drank

May 23, 2024 5:12:31 PM +13038752587

Good - water is free

May 23, 2024 5:12:43 PM +13038752587

Beer is not helping you anyway

May 23, 2024 5:12:49 PM ⇱ Me

Two things. One I have no idea how much battery I will have left, and two I don’t know if what battery I have left. Will be enough for me to go make enough money to fill my car back up. Is it nasty catch 22
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 5:13:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

How much is a charge

May 23, 2024 5:13:15 PM Me

Of course, none of this matter have money in your pocket

May 23, 2024 5:13:30 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Answer the question please

May 23, 2024 5:13:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Full charge

May 23, 2024 5:13:54 PM +13038752587

And how far does that get you?

May 23, 2024 5:14:15 PM Me

Now that I am not a member, it’s $.52 a kilowatt hour so probably 15 bucks

May 23, 2024 5:14:34 PM Me

A full battery gets me around Ojai for about a week

May 23, 2024 5:14:54 PM Me

Going down to Ventura and back up here really puts a lot of stress on the battery

May 23, 2024 5:15:19 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Ojai - doesn’t seem to be a place to make money. Just a place to scrap by

May 23, 2024 5:15:42 PM Me

Yeah, but all my shits up here in storage and so are my kids

May 23, 2024 5:16:03 PM Me

And I don’t know what I’m gonna fucking do after his graduation

May 23, 2024 5:16:27 PM +13038752587

Dude, if you can make money in Ventura then you can commute back and forth

May 23, 2024 5:17:08 PM Me

But I’m not on the schedule in Ventura and everything else is like going fishing, which is fine but then I sit my spend my day in my car and not looking for a job

May 23, 2024 5:17:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Can we reactivate you membership and can I attach a card to it?

May 23, 2024 5:19:19 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Yes or no?

May 23, 2024 5:19:29 PM ⇲ +13038752587

To e charge

May 23, 2024 5:17:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Do both

May 23, 2024 5:17:46 PM Me

It’s hard to search for a job tethered to my phone and I can’t do it on my phone

May 23, 2024 5:18:00 PM Me

I need Wi-Fi solid Wi-Fi not a cocktail straw

May 23, 2024 5:18:09 PM +13038752587

And search for an hourly while working dash, Uber, insta

May 23, 2024 5:18:49 PM +13038752587

You are full of ways it can’t work. Which doesn’t serve you. How do you MAKE it work?

May 23, 2024 5:19:19 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Yes or no?
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 5:19:29 PM ⇱ +13038752587

To e charge
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 5:20:56 PM Me

I think so

May 23, 2024 5:21:41 PM +13038752587

Find out and then Email me the login info

May 23, 2024 5:22:31 PM Me

You don’t do it through a website you do everything through an app

May 23, 2024 5:22:52 PM +13038752587

Ok - send app and login

May 23, 2024 5:23:02 PM Me

It’s stores payment methods inside the app and you pick your payment method to recharge your card and then use your card at the charger

May 23, 2024 5:23:28 PM Me

Electrify America

May 23, 2024 5:24:12 PM Me

use my Gmail email address and my phone number.

May 23, 2024 5:24:12 PM +13038752587

Walking Lilly to friends - bbs - we will get you transportation abilities when I get back

May 23, 2024 5:24:29 PM +13038752587

Phone is attached to wall

May 23, 2024 5:24:34 PM Me

I’m unsure about the password, but I think we’ll figure that out

May 23, 2024 6:19:51 PM +13038752587

It’s going to take me a moment - I’ll be able help with fuel ⛽️

May 23, 2024 6:20:00 PM +13038752587

Go play darts 🎯

May 23, 2024 6:20:12 PM +13038752587

It’s ok not to drink 🍺

May 23, 2024 6:21:11 PM +13038752587

😍

May 23, 2024 6:21:11 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 23, 2024 6:21:21 PM Me

Unfortunately, I don’t have enough charge to get me to Darts and then back to the charger Ventura

May 23, 2024 6:21:35 PM Me

I’ve got 39 miles on left on my battery

May 23, 2024 6:21:51 PM +13038752587

You will can charge going to Ventura

May 23, 2024 6:22:12 PM Me

No, I don’t have any money

May 23, 2024 6:22:27 PM +13038752587

Gain not can

May 23, 2024 6:22:44 PM Me

I might gained three or 4 miles that’s it

May 23, 2024 6:23:17 PM Me

I do have to use battery going to Ventura. It’s not a steep enough downhill to have me go 65

May 23, 2024 6:23:51 PM Me

And I’ve done the drive to Ventura and back on the freeway on the back roads I’ve done it slow. I’ve done it fast. I’ve done it all kinds of ways to see. Which way is the best for the battery and going on the freeway at 60 seems to do it.

May 23, 2024 6:24:35 PM Me

And if I don’t plug-in soon, I won’t have enough time to charge and drive so…

May 23, 2024 6:25:31 PM Me

I will sit here in Vons parking lot, watching people buy food and pack it in their cars and drive away

May 23, 2024 6:25:52 PM Me

I’m sitting here in the parking lot, hoping I can get an order for a

May 23, 2024 6:27:24 PM Me

And I know I don’t have to drink to play darts. I’ve done it many weeks before because I’m fucking broke, but I feel like a fucking outsider because I’m not doing what everybody else is doing.

May 23, 2024 6:28:52 PM Me

I know that’s a thing so whatever, I have zero fucking outlets in my life for any kind of enjoyment in any shape or form. The weeks they cancelled were hard because I have no interactions with people.

May 23, 2024 6:29:18 PM Me

Last Thursday was my first week of Darts in 3 weeks

May 23, 2024 6:29:59 PM Me

Between the stress of trying to find a job, the stress of figuring out where I’m gonna fucking sleep every night the stress of do I have enough money to buy food to fucking eat. And I’m not eating well. I’m eating the cheapest shittiest food available. I’ve had one warm meal in six months.

May 23, 2024 6:30:21 PM Me

And I’ve had one shower in three months

May 23, 2024 6:31:25 PM Me

Anyhow digressing

May 23, 2024 6:39:46 PM +13038752587

I’ll Venmo you 10

May 23, 2024 6:40:16 PM +13038752587

I’ll for tonight ⛽️

May 23, 2024 6:59:13 PM Me

DoorDash let me in because it said Ojai was busy. Was on from 5-6 and got 0 orders

May 23, 2024 6:59:43 PM +13038752587

Cool so you made $15

May 23, 2024 6:59:50 PM +13038752587

Right

May 23, 2024 6:59:57 PM +13038752587

One hour of work

May 23, 2024 7:00:00 PM Me

I need money now not next Monday

May 23, 2024 7:00:18 PM Me

They only give it out Monday morning

May 23, 2024 7:00:30 PM +13038752587

Good morning effort - money is flowing

May 23, 2024 7:00:45 PM +13038752587

$10 should be there momentarily

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May 23, 2024 7:00:53 PM Me

Still have nothing so….

May 23, 2024 7:02:26 PM Me

I can’t exist like this. My heads going to fucking explode the headache I have feels like somebody hit me with a cricket bat.

May 23, 2024 7:02:48 PM Me

I’ve lost an entire fucking year of my life

May 23, 2024 7:05:00 PM +13038752587

Stop looking backwards

May 23, 2024 7:05:33 PM +13038752587

Ok - $ sent -

May 23, 2024 7:06:26 PM Me

All I see is backwards and negativity. I’ve had it over a year of it. It’s how I operate now and I can’t fucking shake it. I frame everything negatively.

May 23, 2024 7:07:17 PM Me

The 10 bucks helps but now I’ve got to decide whether I go to Darts or I eat so…

May 23, 2024 7:08:09 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Get in the car and go. It’s something you enjoy

May 23, 2024 7:07:29 PM +13038752587

Have fun, play well , we can chat in the morning

May 23, 2024 7:08:09 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Get in the car and go. It’s something you enjoy
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 7:09:49 PM Me

It’s this way there’s nothing positive in my life. Rejection and ghosting and nobody fucking wants to deal with you. It’s hard for me to see positive anything. My parents are showing up in less than a week. That’s gonna stress me like no other fucking thing in the world. My intention was to have my fucking life together for over six months by now and I would be living in a apartment and none of this shit would be going on, but it is and I’m sick of it I’m so sick of it that I really, seriously for fucking real I’m gonna check the fuck out if things don’t change I just cannot do this anymore

May 23, 2024 7:10:33 PM Me

The only person I think that could put up with this shit is David Goggins nobody else

May 23, 2024 7:10:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You are on the cusp of change

May 23, 2024 7:10:55 PM Me

I’m just angry, so fucking angry

May 23, 2024 7:11:08 PM +13038752587

Understand

May 23, 2024 7:11:14 PM Me

I don’t wanna go play Darts fucking crying. I’m a mess. I’m depressed. I’m angry. Darts ain’t gonna help.

May 23, 2024 7:11:46 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like you should go

May 23, 2024 7:12:11 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Get out of you head and focus on the red

May 23, 2024 7:12:24 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Love you

May 23, 2024 7:12:51 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

I will be away from phone - it’s attaché to wall

May 23, 2024 7:35:31 PM Me

I’m super pissed that I couldn’t make any money because I ordered some stuff from the dispensary and was going to pick it up today before Darts Fuck

May 23, 2024 7:38:08 PM Me

OK, pulling out of charging in Ojai the way it looks. I’ll be about probably 1520 minutes late and everybody is going fucking 10 miles an hour here so great.

May 23, 2024 8:13:02 PM Me

I’m here Match is already underway Missed first game… Boards are full so no warmups Lots of people… unfortunately Unless I’m at a concert can’t deal with people

May 23, 2024 8:14:00 PM Me

I feel more not ok than I ever have

May 23, 2024 8:34:38 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Text or call me if the darkness feels overwhelming Or call the hotline and talk to someone Let me know how darts is going

May 23, 2024 8:31:04 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Shift your focus - everything is being filtered through a dark filter

May 23, 2024 8:31:06 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Ask

May 23, 2024 8:31:36 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

How does it get better than that?

May 23, 2024 8:32:06 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Your at darts 🎯 😀

May 23, 2024 8:32:37 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

| No let go of everything else
Edited 8 seconds later | Now let go of everything else

May 23, 2024 8:34:38 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Text or call me if the darkness feels overwhelming Or call the hotline and talk to someone Let me know how darts is going
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 23, 2024 9:04:12 PM Me

Darts Lost first match 0-2 Lost 501 Lost cricket

May 23, 2024 9:04:56 PM Me

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me

May 23, 2024 9:06:56 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

That’s how it goes sometimes with games

May 23, 2024 9:57:16 PM Me

Playing last match Then drive back to Ojai

May 24, 2024 3:23:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ExploreCareers.io

May 24, 2024 4:43:31 PM (Read by them after 17 seconds) Me

WOw, doooood. WHen you have time to sit still and check this out when you’re still:

May 24, 2024 4:43:32 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 24 seconds) Me

X (formerly Twitter)

May 24, 2024 4:43:41 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 15 seconds) Me

Its about upcoming AI inside of Figma

May 24, 2024 4:43:47 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 9 seconds) Me

🤯

May 24, 2024 4:43:52 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 4 seconds) Me

End-to-end

May 24, 2024 5:17:46 PM Me

Good to bounce to:

May 24, 2024 5:17:46 PM Me

Spotify

May 24, 2024 8:00:34 PM Me

This is what tomorrow’s DoorDash schedule for me looks like. The only reason I got that much was because I was awake at 7 o’clock in the morning if you’re not up that early, you don’t don’t get to the whole calendar.

May 24, 2024 8:26:54 PM Me

Just done working. 7 AM to 7:30 PM I’m at storage going to throw Darts for a bit and then I plan to charge my car and do some T-shirt work while charging because the place right there has high-speed Wi-Fi like Starbucks.

May 24, 2024 8:27:29 PM Me

I also just realized I have another dart match tomorrow afternoon. So I’ll have to curb some of that afternoon DoorDash. I’m pretty confident that Saturday morning 9 AM to noon is going to be a banger for Starbucks orders.

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May 24, 2024 8:53:36 PM Me

Have you had a chance to look at that Figma link I sent earlier?

May 24, 2024 9:01:37 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Resend to email

May 24, 2024 8:56:02 PM Me

They give a sneak peek of what’s coming. Full AI immigration tuned for UX and it will take your designs to code for handoff so basically kind of eliminates Fran developers. So when the research comes in researchers, don’t do what I do. They do research and gather data and information and generate insights then what they do is hand that to people like me who say OK because we know this we can design things this way, so once the designs are done and that’s all in vector format I can turn that into standards valid HTML,CSS and JavaScript. Everything else requiring CGI or my SQL access will be coded in a way where the plugs are sort of hanging on the floor for the developer to borrow a phrase that or the receptacles like the place that you plug into is in the code so it developer could take the source code generated and just, start beta testing right from the first file

May 24, 2024 8:56:24 PM Me

My hope is not only would it do HTML but it will do Swift so you could create mobile, apps, layouts, etc.

May 24, 2024 8:57:38 PM Me

I know that AI can write Swift. I’m just wondering if it could be integrated into sigma so that it could take a mobile design and literally turn it in to a functional application database interactivity like authentication OAuth, that kind of stuff.

May 24, 2024 9:01:37 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Resend to email
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 24, 2024 9:07:48 PM Me

K

May 24, 2024 9:07:57 PM Me

Have you made it to the front range or are you stationary?

May 24, 2024 9:22:26 PM +13038752587

Yes at meme’s

May 24, 2024 9:31:21 PM Me

Cool. Say hello from me. And I have a somewhat obscure question. I am literally missing one onyx bead from my mala. The original thread broke and I was unable to find one of the black beads. It’s standard size bead and it’s the black one black onyx. I’m missing. I ask because I know your mom has probably a collection of little , odds and ends of jewelry and this would be like kind of a black pearl with a hole drilled in it. I thought I would if she has it she could bring it and get it from her when I pick her up.

May 24, 2024 9:32:12 PM Me

May 24, 2024 9:32:13 PM +13038752587

I’ll ask

May 24, 2024 9:32:15 PM Me

Penny for scale

May 24, 2024 9:33:00 PM +13038752587

I’ll be away from phone for a bit

May 24, 2024 9:33:00 PM Me

Obviously it has a hole to put thread 🧵 thru

May 24, 2024 9:33:03 PM Me

Ok

May 24, 2024 9:33:20 PM Me

I’m practicing darts right now and then I’ll be charging the car and working on my T-shirt stuff or my episodes

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May 24, 2024 9:35:26 PM Me

Here’s some dope grooves for summer

May 24, 2024 9:35:37 PM Me

YouTube

May 24, 2024 9:35:41 PM Me

These guys are 🔥🔥🔥

May 24, 2024 10:00:53 PM Me

I got this on my windshield This week I’m going on Tuesday to see what’s up with health insurance and I can probably get food stamps and general relief which is typically a few hundred dollars 💵 I’m also going to see what the behavioral health STAR assessment is

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May 24, 2024 10:04:20 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Off to bed - sleep well

May 24, 2024 10:11:18 PM Me

K

May 24, 2024 10:12:11 PM Me

God willing and increase the rise. I’ll send you something, meaning the screen capture or something proof of my output for the day on top of my 12 1/2 hour combo DoorDash working on my shit and client and side projects too.

May 25, 2024 1:54:51 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

This T will be done soon.

May 25, 2024 6:49:29 PM Me

Won our dart 🎯 match today

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May 25, 2024 6:49:41 PM Me

Final match of season

May 25, 2024 6:51:57 PM Me

Next is June 22 season end party

May 25, 2024 7:05:17 PM Me

I played well from 100,000 ft However unhappy with inconsistency

May 25, 2024 7:06:27 PM Me

I’m able to score 80, 100, 120, but the outer ring and closing is my nemesis

May 25, 2024 7:07:07 PM Me

I’m literally 2-3mm away from laying waste to anyone I play

May 25, 2024 7:10:46 PM Me

Tonight was excellent Improvement. Used technique to look up with eyes closed take a deep breath and when I open my eyes I’m at my dartboard practicing. I also have an ear worm of “whos world is this” from NAS in my head playing on loop

May 25, 2024 7:10:53 PM Me

Spotify

May 25, 2024 7:11:31 PM Me

It’s mine it’s mine it’s mine, whose world is this… 🎶

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May 25, 2024 7:11:53 PM Me

Straight NYC. ❤️

May 25, 2024 7:12:41 PM Me

K, driving to recharge in Ventura and then head back to Ojai and work on my art

May 25, 2024 7:13:22 PM Me

Going to target and hope new Prices will allow me to buy more and eat 🙏

May 25, 2024 7:23:32 PM Me

Feeling massively alone after having such a team oriented day

May 25, 2024 7:23:41 PM Me

Sad

May 25, 2024 7:23:50 PM Me

Anyway

May 25, 2024 7:24:31 PM Me

Hopefully I have some money for food at Target with their new prices

May 25, 2024 7:24:56 PM Me

Think I have $15 and 10 goes to car

May 25, 2024 7:25:26 PM Me

4 juice. 🧃 K text soon

May 25, 2024 7:28:10 PM Me

Seriously, I can’t get it out of my head that if my life was stable and I didn’t have these extreme stressors, how much better my dark game would be. I know that might seem crazy from outside, but truly Darts might be the only piece of light I have going right now. Otherwise, it’s lonely, isolating, and never ending. For someone whose lived almost half their life with someone else being alone again is really fucking hard. Especially when you didn’t wanna be alone in the first place. And if I look inside my heart I still would wanna heal the relationship, believe it or not I can’t even believe I’m saying that but what I know is it would know the same set up. It would be a very coexistence.

May 25, 2024 7:32:26 PM Me

It would be a different relationship

May 25, 2024 7:32:49 PM Me

If I went into a 30 day program like you described to get my fucking head screwed on straight, she might actually talk to me again

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May 25, 2024 7:35:27 PM Me

I thought about this a lot as I’m sure you can imagine. When I married that woman, my love is unconditional. It did not matter. What the fuck happened. I had her back, I was a part of her team. Together, we would be able to take shit on. To a great extent, I think the success of my devotion to her is shown by her achieving Kona and getting the most massive bucket list item off her plate.

May 25, 2024 7:35:39 PM Me

What I don’t know is is would she have been able to do that without me?

May 25, 2024 7:35:59 PM Me

Of course, being inside the bubble, you have no idea of what things look like objectively so I am actually asking you for that objectivity

May 25, 2024 7:36:32 PM Me

Then again, I don’t know. Maybe she’s a lesbian now and I’m just don’t know yet.

May 25, 2024 7:36:37 PM +13038752587

Who knows - too many unknowns

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May 25, 2024 7:37:30 PM +13038752587

Step one - get mentally healthy. Don’t t is the primary domino

May 25, 2024 7:37:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Saying good bye to Nick and Whitney Bb in a bit

May 25, 2024 7:38:43 PM Me

I keep thinking about having to sit at the same dinner table with her at Senior banquet. It will be one of the first hot meals I’ve had in months. And I actually am going to make a point of that when everyone is seated back at their table and my point is not too curry pity rather it is to show my gratitude for what I’m about to receive and that is fucking legitimate, Considering my life situation and the shit I’ve been rolling with every fucking right to express myself freely. No longer will. I bite my tongue and not that I have some sort of psychological vendetta or meanness in my heart, rather I’m done holding back I am done hiding. I’m done being small I’m done being invisible.

May 25, 2024 7:39:25 PM Me

My goal is authenticity and keeping it real and speaking the truth. The only thing that has a problem with that is something that’s not right

May 25, 2024 7:39:36 PM Me

Word

May 25, 2024 7:40:23 PM Me

Like for example, if I’m ready to get real and somebody’s afraid, that somebody else needs to get check in on what that afraid is

May 25, 2024 7:40:36 PM Me

It’s their shit that’s all up in their face not mine

May 25, 2024 7:41:07 PM Me

If people are speaking the truth by enlarge, no one should have a problem with that unless there’s something hidden

May 25, 2024 7:41:33 PM Me

Or unspoken or unexpressed and that is not on me that is on them

May 25, 2024 7:44:14 PM Me

I just have to be real in this moment and have to say things are so not OK and not settled between Elizabeth and myself. I’ve realized I’ve lived in an entire year and more homeless. If I had applied for divorce last year, I would be getting alimony and being set up for a life on the East End of Ojai, which would mean I basically eat Liz’s entire salary, which is not possible. That being said I am in a situation that I technically do not need to be in. If I go file the right paperwork, the court is going to order her to pay me some kind of money so that I can fucking survive. Beyond that, I have liquidated myself from any retirement money. She has a fat retirement account from her ears at Thacher. Just like when her father fucked up and had to give half of his shit to Sallie, I expect her to have to give half of her fucking shit to me That’s the California. I didn’t choose it but pay the fucking tab.

May 25, 2024 7:44:57 PM Me

And trust me if we go through with this, I am absolutely getting half of everything that woman has not just retirement but all the shit in the house everything I’m gonna fucking squeeze everything out that I can

May 25, 2024 7:45:24 PM Me

That’s what happens when you fuck with a Taurus. Either I will take a bullet for you or I will kill you.

May 25, 2024 7:45:39 PM Me

I really don’t hang out between those two spaces. It’s one of the other.

May 25, 2024 7:46:29 PM Me

I’m not sure if you’re picking up on my intensity right now. I’m still sitting in my car after Darts. I haven’t started my way to target yet because I’m mentally so lit 🔥

May 25, 2024 7:47:13 PM Me

Please help provide me some perspective, at what point have I cross the line where it’s not about Reminder it’s about being an asshole

May 25, 2024 7:47:53 PM Me

One thing that I know is ever present is she forgets my existence and what I’m contending with despite not signing the fucking paperwork

May 25, 2024 7:48:47 PM Me

I can tell you this right fucking now. I don’t need anybody outside of myself to validate me. I’m good. OK with me. I may not be perfect, but I’m authentic and I don’t fuck people over.

May 25, 2024 7:49:07 PM Me

I don’t leave people fucking hanging

May 25, 2024 7:49:33 PM Me

Oh, OK, it’s just before seven here. I want to get moved in towards Ojai before it’s dark.

May 25, 2024 8:13:49 PM Me

Dude it sux to have to put “fuel” in my vehicle yet I have no control over how much goes on the card. It’s always 10 bucks. I can’t put file on there etc., it sucks when you’re poor because now it’s charged my car five dollars for dinner.

May 25, 2024 8:16:19 PM Me

Make that $4 🤣

May 25, 2024 8:27:31 PM Me

I was just thinking the only motherfuckers that could block eyes with me and make me look away would be dudes that have spent time in prison. Otherwise, I can stare anybody the fuck down don’t give a fuck who you are.

May 25, 2024 8:27:56 PM Me

Once you’ve lived on the fucking edge long enough, you ready to fucking go down hard

May 25, 2024 8:42:19 PM Me

May 25, 2024 8:42:31 PM Me

It hurts to be so broke I can’t buy this

May 25, 2024 8:42:59 PM Me

I hate fucking capitalism

May 25, 2024 8:43:32 PM Me

Capitalist

May 25, 2024 8:53:02 PM Me

Having conscious awareness of everything makes it all hurt more

May 25, 2024 8:53:31 PM Me

At least if I was an imbecile, which I feel like one anyway I’d be so stupid. I would just be like that’s the way the universe works.

May 25, 2024 8:54:00 PM Me

Currently enjoying my thin, sliced provolone and flavored water dinner

May 25, 2024 8:54:13 PM Me

$3😁

May 25, 2024 8:54:24 PM Me

i’d like to think that I’ve earned my homeless merit badge

May 25, 2024 9:00:42 PM +13038752587

Glad you have some food and power for your card.

May 25, 2024 9:02:47 PM +13038752587

Have to say I’m confused - one moment you’re talking about reconciliation and moments later you’re talking reparations. You moved from Hope to anger.

May 25, 2024 9:04:41 PM +13038752587

If you get back together wonderful. If you get divorced, the laws are clear. No justification needed. I do understand your feelings. Just an observation how quickly the flipped

May 25, 2024 9:05:18 PM +13038752587

May 25, 2024 9:05:25 PM +13038752587

Meme has these two

May 25, 2024 9:05:38 PM +13038752587

😀

May 25, 2024 9:09:47 PM Me

For whatever reason, I feel like it has been like you know past tense it’s over for me

May 25, 2024 9:11:16 PM Me

I was just lamenting driving and saying I wish the person in front of me would go faster so I could get home. Then it suddenly hit me. I don’t have a home.

May 25, 2024 9:12:41 PM Me

Since you have mentioned about having heightened awareness around, feeling comfortable in my lifestyle. I’ve realized how much the way I now live is fluid and thoughtless. It’s like when you would ride a bike when you were a kid talking to your friend and you could pedal home for 3 miles not even thinking about which way to turn, but all of a sudden you end up in your driveway, I’m like that way with homelessness now. Like I said, I’ve been doing it more than a year. I’ve earned my merit badge probably 10 times over.

May 25, 2024 9:17:32 PM Me

I am about 2 miles from the parking lot where I park pretty much every night. And, I don’t know, when I got to the end, I had a huge pause for a good minute about rather not being able to say the next thing, but in my mind, I had like 50 plates all spinning at once, I’m just fucking tired. All my brain does is spend time in this fucking existential worry and it’s not good to be there all the time every day every night every day every night over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. While it hits you even if you’re numb to it, you still realize that things are fucked up you know maybe I should’ve been hospitalized my whole life and I’m one of the crazy people that got let out and I just assimilated to culture and society and made it this far! OK, it’s time for a cupcake a pat on the back and off you go

May 25, 2024 9:18:57 PM Me

It’s something else that just came to mind was that I realize when I met Darts I mask conversation. In other words, I avoid talking about my life at all cost. Because I can’t go there in front of other people it’s too shameful. However I also know I want to be honest and straight up with people, so perhaps I should just fucking let it rip I don’t know. Am I gonna put people off? Who gives a shit that’s their problem am I right or tell me if I am misinterpreting that take?

May 25, 2024 9:19:10 PM +13038752587

Is there a candle in the cupcake 🧁

May 25, 2024 9:20:40 PM Me

It depends only if it’s lit and you stick it up my ass so I can really appreciate it

May 25, 2024 9:20:48 PM +13038752587

You can tell people lives rough - going through divorce and things are tough. If they want more info you can share more after darts over a drink.

May 25, 2024 9:21:25 PM Me

For me, it’s a very all or nothing. By the way, a giant Tesla silver truck just l, drove by me.

May 25, 2024 9:22:28 PM Me

I’m having a hard time with an existential part of my current life. And that is projecting forward. Imagining being beyond this, and having some kind of daydream of what that is going to look like. And when that happens, I suddenly feel it all just disappeared once I realize what I’m doing.

May 25, 2024 9:25:22 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Daydream away over and over- this is a step in creating it for real

May 25, 2024 9:26:30 PM ⇲ Me

Oh, yes, but let me tell you am well aware of my daydreaming capacity ever since I was in fourth or fifth grade and it doesn’t work that way for me unfortunately

May 25, 2024 9:26:52 PM ⇲ Me

Daydreaming for me does not create manifestation

May 25, 2024 9:27:16 PM ⇲ Me

If weirdly psychologically pushes things further away, as if you’re reaching for the carrot, but the wind blows and pushes it away from your hand

May 25, 2024 9:23:59 PM +13038752587

| Then nothing. People are mostly caught up in their own stuff and want really tune in unless they invite it.
Edited 20 seconds later | Then nothing. People are mostly caught up in their own stuff and won’t t really tune in unless they invite it.

May 25, 2024 9:24:25 PM Me

It says if you think there’s a future, but it’s only right now. And honestly, my horizon is less than a day now. It used to be 24 to 48 hours. But I honestly now live in 6 to 12 hour segments of whether or not I have money to eat or get my battery charged or to get coffee It’s really sad because I watch everybody around me, living their lives and pursuing things ad nauseam with their issues but with far less in their way than what I’m dealing with.

May 25, 2024 9:25:17 PM Me

Like it’s one thing if you’re a Neurotypical human being and having to deal with all the shit I’m dealing with, but I’m not Neurotypical. I’m a total neurodivergent. I am Mr. ADHD and CPTSD

May 25, 2024 9:25:22 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Daydream away over and over- this is a step in creating it for real
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May 25, 2024 9:25:31 PM Me

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say I’m the poster boy and you should have my fucking mug shot in Wikipedia next to those terms

May 25, 2024 9:26:30 PM ⇱ Me

Oh, yes, but let me tell you am well aware of my daydreaming capacity ever since I was in fourth or fifth grade and it doesn’t work that way for me unfortunately
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May 25, 2024 9:26:52 PM ⇱ Me

Daydreaming for me does not create manifestation
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May 25, 2024 9:26:55 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

You decide the rules

May 25, 2024 9:27:16 PM ⇱ Me

If weirdly psychologically pushes things further away, as if you’re reaching for the carrot, but the wind blows and pushes it away from your hand
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May 25, 2024 9:27:48 PM Me

And every time you go for it some little tweak happens that just puts it out of your grasp

May 25, 2024 9:28:24 PM Me

That’s kind of like the job hunt honestly except there’s nothing hanging on the string No carrot 🤣🤣🤣

May 25, 2024 9:28:47 PM Me

Just this👻

May 25, 2024 9:28:57 PM Me

👻

May 25, 2024 9:29:15 PM Me

Fucking ghost perpetually teasing you

May 25, 2024 10:13:37 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 50 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Sending love - off to sleep

May 26, 2024 9:38:58 AM Me

Makes sense. I have no relationships so my life has no quality meaning or purpose whatsoever

May 26, 2024 10:26:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey

May 26, 2024 10:29:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been door dashing for 30mins and so far nada. Having this as a daily stress and disrupter is hard. Anyhow… was just thinking that people are out of town, it’s Memorial Day Weekend. So orders will not be coming in like usual. I say that while parked in Starbucks parking lot at 9:30am and its 75% empty, on a Sunday — that NEVER happens

May 26, 2024 10:31:11 AM Me

A $9 bill for a channel that Liz watches hit my account this week, one of the dips into my pocket. I texted her about it and asked if she could send me the $9 because it would help me eat. That was 3 days ago. She’s busy at “art in the park” this weekend selling her art and making even more money on top of her salary and horse training.

May 26, 2024 10:31:29 AM Me

Should I demand it, or say how about some alimony?

May 26, 2024 10:32:19 AM Me

I’m living like this and under CA law I technically should not be living like this. I should be setup with the style of life I’ve had for the past 25 years. Thats the law. That’s what Sallie got.

May 26, 2024 10:41:19 AM Me

I have enough for a coffee now. $5

May 26, 2024 11:00:24 AM Me

“The day you meet one from whom you can't be apart, you may begin to understand love. The day you and that person have to part, you may begin to understand life.”

May 26, 2024 11:14:20 AM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Keep positive- at a minimum you make $15/ hr and tomorrows Monday

May 26, 2024 11:15:22 AM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

I think a kind reminder that the $9 bill is due is ok

May 26, 2024 11:15:43 AM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Why is one of her bills in your account?

May 26, 2024 12:04:47 PM ⇲ Me

All of our streaming and cloud services are still wound up together

May 26, 2024 12:05:02 PM ⇲ Me

I just don’t have the bandwidth to take that on right now

May 26, 2024 12:05:39 PM ⇲ Me

When I get stable and a place to stay, then I can work on all of those particulars

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May 26, 2024 12:08:16 PM ⇲ Me

I’m like a triage surgeon, but that’s like regular surgeon work

May 26, 2024 12:09:44 PM ⇲ Me

I’m on an hour and a half break right now before my next hour and a half of DoorDash Ing and after that, I hope I have enough money to eat tonight and to be able to charge down to Ventura probably spend the night there because my parents come in at 9:15 and I need to go to the mall to charge the car to get up to Ojai get their bags and all the weight so. The other thing I realized my car smells awful. I am living in it so it smells like somebody’s bedroom and I don’t know what the fuck I should do about the smell because I can’t smell it. I know it’s there.

May 26, 2024 12:11:17 PM ⇲ Me

I have to spend some time at car storage cleaning this thing out and only having essentials in it because I’m gonna need to pack them in their bags in this thing

May 26, 2024 12:11:44 PM ⇲ Me

The back of my car looks like someone’s closet

May 26, 2024 12:12:11 PM ⇲ Me

OK, enough money for coffee and egg bites and do some work

May 26, 2024 12:12:20 PM ⇲ Me

$10

May 26, 2024 11:16:41 AM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Btw Meme is bringing the black beads for you

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May 26, 2024 12:04:47 PM ⇱ Me

All of our streaming and cloud services are still wound up together
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May 26, 2024 12:05:02 PM ⇱ Me

I just don’t have the bandwidth to take that on right now
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May 26, 2024 12:05:39 PM ⇱ Me

When I get stable and a place to stay, then I can work on all of those particulars

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This message responded to an earlier message.

May 26, 2024 12:05:59 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 26, 2024 12:08:16 PM ⇱ Me

I’m like a triage surgeon, but that’s like regular surgeon work
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May 26, 2024 12:09:44 PM ⇱ Me

I’m on an hour and a half break right now before my next hour and a half of DoorDash Ing and after that, I hope I have enough money to eat tonight and to be able to charge down to Ventura probably spend the night there because my parents come in at 9:15 and I need to go to the mall to charge the car to get up to Ojai get their bags and all the weight so. The other thing I realized my car smells awful. I am living in it so it smells like somebody’s bedroom and I don’t know what the fuck I should do about the smell because I can’t smell it. I know it’s there.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 26, 2024 12:11:17 PM ⇱ Me

I have to spend some time at car storage cleaning this thing out and only having essentials in it because I’m gonna need to pack them in their bags in this thing
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 26, 2024 12:11:44 PM ⇱ Me

The back of my car looks like someone’s closet
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May 26, 2024 12:12:11 PM ⇱ Me

OK, enough money for coffee and egg bites and do some work
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May 26, 2024 12:12:20 PM ⇱ Me

$10
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May 26, 2024 3:00:17 PM Me

Crushed

May 26, 2024 3:01:31 PM Me

Can’t get ahead. I’ve been toggling my card on and off so no bills can sneak in fucking Apple just jumped right in and fucking took my money

May 26, 2024 3:01:49 PM Me

That was $20 for dinner and charging my car to pick up my parents. My dash ended at 2 o’clock. I’m totally fucked.

May 26, 2024 3:02:17 PM Me

Goddamn, I can’t even get ahead at the fucking ground level. Do you see or understand why I want to give the fuck up

May 26, 2024 3:02:33 PM Me

Beat the fuck down always put back in your fucking place

May 26, 2024 3:04:20 PM Me

I’ve hustled my ass through two DoorDash today and end up with five dollars in my pocket there is no way at least right now. I see how I can pick up my parents tomorrow because I have no money to put anything in my battery plus the stomach I’ve had growling all day isn’t gonna get fed so I’m just so disheartened by working so hard and ending up with nothing.

May 26, 2024 3:04:52 PM Me

But hey, at least the corporations are getting their money. You know we wouldn’t want them not to get their fucking money. What about me is an unemployed worker fuck you you can survive on your own

May 26, 2024 3:07:08 PM Me

I can’t fucking do this anymore. I just got done DoorDash and I can’t get back in. I’m not on the schedule and I have five dollars. I had planned on taking a $20 bill out at the ATM so I could then go get some food.

May 26, 2024 3:07:33 PM Me

I’m so upset right now. I’m just a fucking bunch of tears driving to go park my car and do nothing for the rest of the fucking day because I can’t eat or recharge or do shit.

May 26, 2024 3:08:46 PM Me

😡🥹😭

May 26, 2024 3:10:47 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What is Apple charging you for?

May 26, 2024 3:10:48 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 26, 2024 3:10:58 PM Me

Cloud

May 26, 2024 3:11:23 PM Me

I’ve had it forever if I turn it off I can’t access my files

May 26, 2024 3:11:32 PM Me

It’s my backup for my phone, my laptop everything

May 26, 2024 3:11:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No external drives hanging about

May 26, 2024 3:12:03 PM +13038752587

How much data?

May 26, 2024 3:12:11 PM Me

You know it’s one of those things where bust your hump and then all of a sudden your head pops off like a champagne cork

May 26, 2024 3:12:49 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Unfortunately, I know this game. I’m a professional by now

May 26, 2024 3:13:23 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Is there are chance to dash, or Uber tonight

May 26, 2024 3:13:35 PM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

Last minute cancellations

May 26, 2024 3:14:04 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Dash will be paying some funds tomorrow- yes?

May 26, 2024 3:14:40 PM ⇲ Me

Maybe

May 26, 2024 3:14:40 PM ⇱ Me

Maybe
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May 26, 2024 3:15:28 PM Me

The stress of the situation is too much

May 26, 2024 3:15:45 PM Me

I’m losing my mind

May 26, 2024 3:25:14 PM Me

So you will love this. I looked and actually had $26 in my DoorDash account. Now I have a card that will let me go to an ATM at Rite Aid and for no fee take money out. I just went and did that and denied me the $20 so I called support. I just got off the phone to discover that they’re having technical issues and, DoorDash are reporting everywhere. They are unable to withdraw money. Can you fucking believe that I find a way to solve my problem and I’m stopped again.

May 26, 2024 3:25:41 PM Me

If you can spot me 20 on Venmo as soon as I can get access to that money, I can transfer 20 back to you on Venmo

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May 26, 2024 3:25:58 PM Me

I have my card locked, so nobody can get at the money

May 26, 2024 3:26:23 PM Me

I will until tomorrow to get access to my money because of the holiday and getting somebody to fix it

May 26, 2024 3:26:34 PM Me

Ugh

May 26, 2024 3:29:38 PM Me

Just ridiculous, I’m parking my car not moving I guess

May 26, 2024 3:30:01 PM Me

And what’s nasty is I’ve gotten to the point where I can finally smell my own body odor so my car is not a good place

May 26, 2024 3:33:33 PM (Read by you after 34 seconds) +13038752587

Sending 25 - get fuel, get food , get car deodorant/cleaner

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May 26, 2024 3:35:17 PM Me

I want to give up Universe is yanking me around and I’m fed up

May 26, 2024 3:36:06 PM Me

The last thing I need is more hassle to deal with

May 26, 2024 3:36:31 PM Me

Ok, going to go get things

May 26, 2024 3:36:37 PM Me

🙏

May 26, 2024 4:20:01 PM Me

Hey, just wanted to let you know I was keeping an eye on the DoorDash and somebody must’ve tossed up up spot because I got a time between 430 and 630 so I’ll get a couple hours of dinner time tonight and hopefully I can get some money

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May 26, 2024 5:46:47 PM Me

Wouldn’t it figure the first order I take I get there they’re out of what the customer wants, so then they asked me to cancel it and I have to go through a 10 minute chat with support to cancel the order, it was a little bananas, but it’s done still dashing right now only have $2.50 so far

May 26, 2024 5:47:10 PM Me

Just like in the game shows big bucks no whammy’s

May 26, 2024 7:12:33 PM Me

I did OK I made 30 bucks. And I’ve already spent someone food and I got myself one beer. My plan for tonight is right now. I’m at storage to clean out my car so there’s room for everybody and it’s not so smelly then I plan on driving down to Ventura And park in a spot I’ve parked before that’s near a Starbucks. That way in the morning I can get up go to Starbucks and chill because they’ll be a good chance. Train will And park in a spot I’ve parked before that’s near a Starbucks. That way in the morning I can get up go to Starbucks and chill because they’ll be a good chance. Train will be late. Thank you 100,000 times over for helping me out today. It does not go unnoticed or unappreciated at all.

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May 26, 2024 7:43:04 PM Me

Hey, I forgot to mention that my dart league has an end of season barbecue and tournament. It’s an open tournament for all league players and the winner gets a gigantic trophy and gets their name put on it sits the bar I play out of so I guess what I’m saying is I would like to be here to go to that. That’s been the one and only seeing that is completely taken my mind off of everything else and I really enjoy the people. And on Saturday that would be yesterday, but it feels like a week ago, we won our last match of the season. I played incredibly well after making some adjustments to my footing.anyway, the owner of the garage, the bar we play at with suddenly playing against me, Chicago style, 501 cricket and if you need it 30 one double in double out. Anyhow, Jason had played soft tip for about 15 years and cricket was his game. He beat my ass in both games, but I was right on his heels. He Oost himself and said to me, I’ve heard about you. Needless to say, I was stunned first off, and it took me a second to register that in my brain. So then I replied to him, I’m really curious what you’ve heard about me. He then said to me oh I’ve talked with Brett who is the president of the league and a few other league admin and they all say very complementary things about you and that you’re a very nice guy, good guy. My mouth was shut but emotionally. My jaw was on the floor just stunned, but I was masking it like I hear what he says every day. I did say, any sort of casual tone oh wow, that’s really nice of everyone. I had no idea they would say that about me and then went on with our game. Anyway, I wanted to share that it just popped into my head and it’s amazing. I have that memory and texting here is probably the only, no of it anywhere because tomorrow morning, I will have forgotten that it ever happened And that may be part of my problem is that I hear nice things but I don’t let them pierce the veil I receive them but then it’s like when nobody’s looking, I kind of drop them. the analogy would be the kid who doesn’t want to eat peas on the dinner plate and when everyone’s looking, he takes a spoonful and puts it down into his hand so he can put it in his pocket.

May 26, 2024 7:43:31 PM Me

Just want you to know that these gigantic blocks of text I sent you. I am just hitting the microphone icon and talking so that’s why they are gigantic. I keep on talking and forget to send.

May 26, 2024 7:44:40 PM Me

And could I ask an annoying favor that is kind of neurotic And that is can you turn on read receipts just for me? That way, I know when you’ve seen my stuff and I don’t have to wonder. I am far more at ease once I know you’ve seen what I’ve sent. Let me know if that’s OK. And if not, that’s cool. I’ve lived with it like it is but it’s something I notice.

May 26, 2024 7:45:19 PM Me

Oh, and I’ve been working on T-shirts. I may be able to send you some designs later tonight when I get down into Ventura. I may go park outside of the Starbucks down there by where I’m going to sleep and do some last-minute Wi-Fi.

May 26, 2024 10:48:52 PM Me

Second lowest

May 26, 2024 10:49:08 PM Me

11 miles on The Hague

May 26, 2024 10:49:13 PM Me

Gauge

May 26, 2024 10:49:17 PM Me

Haha

May 26, 2024 10:49:31 PM Me

Parents In Arizona

May 26, 2024 10:50:11 PM Me

Charging fully then go to Ventura for the night

May 26, 2024 10:50:32 PM Me

Check Amtrak in morning They’re in flagstaff now

May 27, 2024 11:10:02 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

How do you spell Darragh name

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May 27, 2024 11:10:23 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Meme and me are having a debate

May 27, 2024 11:13:09 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

No worries we settled it - one of us thought we had been wrong for years. 😀

May 27, 2024 11:34:34 AM Me

Darragh

May 27, 2024 11:34:50 AM Me

Hamilton Noble Mahoney

May 27, 2024 1:09:21 PM Me

Only took my dad 10 minutes to get a verbal jab in on me based on my situation. I nearly said something, but I just let the silence sit.

May 27, 2024 1:44:37 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 29 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Good job - he can not relate/understand your situation.

May 27, 2024 2:04:24 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Hold the space- he is doing the best he can and he does love and care about you 😍

May 27, 2024 4:57:34 PM Me

Emailed zip of 10 tshirts

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May 27, 2024 4:58:06 PM Me

I should have time later tonight to get probably one or two shows done. Once I get the first show done and have a template then it should move quicker.

May 27, 2024 4:58:37 PM Me

I’m editing scripts on my phone while I charge my car since my laptop is at my parents hotel charging

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May 27, 2024 5:00:16 PM Me

Let me know when you’ve had a chance to check out the shirts. There is one that is far more elaborate than the others See if you get the reference

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May 27, 2024 5:05:27 PM Me

Also, DJ who is the developer I mentioned. I brought up your name and skills and threw out the idea of you potentially joining us as your skills compliment both of ours. Business, strategy, marketing, analytics, advertising, client liaison, etc

May 27, 2024 5:05:43 PM Me

He would love to have you join us on a zoom

May 27, 2024 5:05:54 PM Me

He seemed stoked

May 27, 2024 5:06:19 PM Me

I’ve already started building a WP beta site

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May 27, 2024 5:06:48 PM Me

Software Consultantancy as a Service

May 27, 2024 5:06:53 PM Me

🤣

May 27, 2024 5:07:10 PM Me

We’ve had 3 online meetings so far.

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May 27, 2024 5:07:17 PM Me

He’s our age

May 27, 2024 5:07:39 PM Me

That’s why I called it Group X

May 27, 2024 5:08:02 PM Me

Group X = Gen X

May 27, 2024 5:08:44 PM Me

Pitch as we know our shit since Commodore 64 bitches!

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May 27, 2024 5:08:45 PM +13038752587

I’ll be offline for a bit. BB

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May 27, 2024 5:09:20 PM Me

Ping u later

May 27, 2024 9:58:47 PM Me

Dude, my dad just put hard press on me about a whole bunch of things. He told me that I don’t have a good earnings history. I don’t have a good job history. You know a lot of judgment. He literally said you never made any money and literally 30 seconds later he saying something entirely different and I said wait a minute you just told me you just said it literally look at that. He stopped me that isn’t what I mean. I say to him you said something and simple but that’s not what you mean? Like how the hell else am I supposed to take that? You never made any money like my working life.

May 27, 2024 10:01:10 PM Me

I’m venting a bit. They want me to stay at the hotel with them. And I don’t want to. Honest. Something my father can’t seem to understand is that I have to do this thing in my life my way. I have to process this and get over this through this my way you know just because I’m not taking a shit job at you know AutoZone, just you know so I can be fucking miserable every day. No I told him I have applied to the shit jobs and I still get rejected. I have applied more than once many of them. They first rejected me in New York before they rejected me and California. Anyway, I’ll stop now. I’m over at my storage place. Grabbing a few things and just getting an energy break from him. I’ve been with him since 1112-ish today so nine hours of my dad’s solid. That’s like going from zero to the international space station in that period of time

May 27, 2024 10:02:34 PM Me

I honestly can’t believe how fucking wiped out I am. Now that I’m away from his energy, and I had to stand there and defend myself and simultaneously by my tongue. And I had to be straight and direct with him. He kept wanting to draw comparisons to himself And while I appreciate him sharing his experience, I reminded him that the world is not like that anymore. People aren’t at the same job for 30 years. They don’t look at things the way they used to. I said if someone is at a job more than 24 months Younger people think that’s weird working 6 to 8 places inside of 10 years is a no-brainer

May 27, 2024 10:03:36 PM Me

My dad just can’t seem to wrap his head around that he doesn’t understand the Internet economy or the way people in the Internet work. He said to me tonight if you’re so experienced and so good why aren’t you working And I said because for every job, I’m well suited for as good as I am for that position there are probably 15 to 20 other people that have equal chops to me, so the hiring manager can pick exactly what they want and unless I’m exactly what somebody wants I just gotta keep going

May 27, 2024 10:05:47 PM Me

I mean, I know that one way to get out of this is not to keep looking for an opportunity, but for me to create my own opportunity. As much as I would so love to do that things like depression and CPTSD and ADD get in my fucking way. Really The business negotiation financial shit is just quantum physics to me or organic chemistry. It’s or mandarin Chinese. I just can’t get my head around it.

May 27, 2024 10:14:10 PM Me

It just sucks to be really good at what you do and not find somebody who needs your help. So if I make my own opportunity, what is that look like. Is it a consultancy like I’m noodling with? Is it doing my art? I have no idea One thing I know for sure is that my father is completely brainwashed into capitalism and the idea that money makes you happy. He threw a hypothetical out there and said well if you could have extra job and blah blah blah and I said no, wouldn’t do that because I’d be more miserable than I am now.

May 28, 2024 12:36:18 AM Me

I’m dealing with a lot of things in combination now and all at once. Feeling as if intensity increases everyday we get closer to graduation Also feeling VERY shutout by Elizabeth. I’m a ghost 👻 once again. I don’t know how to break through to her

May 28, 2024 2:14:13 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 52 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Keep breathing. One moment at a time. Keep things as simple as you can.

May 28, 2024 8:52:11 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 😃 Have a wonderful day Heading to sleep. I’ll be able to review designs tonight

May 28, 2024 10:39:33 AM Me

Hey 👋

May 28, 2024 10:40:50 AM Me

Been helping parents get car in Vta this morning

May 28, 2024 10:41:06 AM Me

Si we can go get your mom at Santa Barbara around noon time

May 28, 2024 4:16:06 PM Me

This is hard

May 28, 2024 4:16:20 PM Me

Much harder than anticipated

May 28, 2024 4:16:35 PM Me

Being around people

May 28, 2024 4:17:21 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Give yourself some free time go for a walk or coffee

May 28, 2024 4:17:31 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Go dash for a few hours

May 28, 2024 4:32:43 PM Me

There is no I have no dashing I can’t dash until Thursday and I was just parked in storage where I never have to fucking move and a dude just asked me to move like really the only fucking place in the Ojai Valley I can fucking hang out and I got a move

May 28, 2024 4:33:21 PM Me

I also just discovered that I missed the end of the year dart party. Huge tournament brisket tons of people tons of fun. I missed it.

May 28, 2024 4:33:58 PM Me

Can someone please fucking explain to me why I am alive other than to sit in this.

May 28, 2024 4:34:28 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It will all be explained later n time

May 28, 2024 4:35:09 PM Me

I’m kinda at the point where numbing isn’t really doing it distractions definitely don’t do it. I have nowhere to go to distract me. I have no friends no fucking life. I get the fucking Spanish Inquisition from my parents about what the fuck I’m doing after June 1. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing after today.

May 28, 2024 4:36:11 PM Me

It’s impossible for me to relate to people. It’s hard when nobody understands. Nobody gets it. My combination of shit is quite unique and I don’t think I’ll ever find anybody. Who gets it. Kind of sucks.

May 28, 2024 4:36:36 PM +13038752587

You will

May 28, 2024 4:36:47 PM Me

Anyway, I didn’t mean to take you off course your day go about your business and yeah, just I’m good

May 28, 2024 4:37:38 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Suggestion go for a hike

May 28, 2024 4:37:51 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Breathe in the calm air of the hills

May 28, 2024 4:39:50 PM Me

I’m sitting in a parking lot in my car, staring a carpet

May 28, 2024 4:40:48 PM Me

I’m in a brain flatline zone. I just don’t wanna be around people

May 28, 2024 4:41:12 PM Me

I’d rather just stare into the oblivion and let my brain think about absolutely nothing then I have to interact with people

May 28, 2024 4:41:34 PM Me

When I have to interact with people, I have to think about reality and reality is too hard to live inside of

May 28, 2024 4:41:49 PM +13038752587

Ok, we’ll go for a hike

May 28, 2024 4:42:00 PM +13038752587

When is your next people obligation

May 28, 2024 4:42:07 PM Me

I have nothing with me in order to hike. I’m wearing fucking crocs and pants.

May 28, 2024 4:42:32 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok go for a walk

May 28, 2024 4:42:33 PM Me

My next obligation for people is Friday night at dinner for Darragh’s graduation

May 28, 2024 4:42:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Days away 😃

May 28, 2024 4:44:07 PM Me

Anyway, dude, you just don’t have to deal with me. I just was texting you back and I just happen to be dealing with feeling pushed out.

May 28, 2024 4:44:29 PM Me

Last night at dinner, Darragh shared something with me that made me realize he’s going off and getting a father figure to step in for him so there’s that too

May 28, 2024 4:44:50 PM Me

One of Liz’s friends from the ranch Gary took Darragh to the Ojai gun range for a day of shooting real guns

May 28, 2024 4:45:28 PM Me

Dude, there’s pictures of Liz in the boys in Vegas on a vacation and picture of them in the Christmas card they sent out to everybody. I have been kicked out of my family that is still operating as normal.

May 28, 2024 4:46:41 PM Me

Going to have I am going to be challenged in a way that I have yet to face going into that fucking dinner on Friday night and honestly, I don’t know if I can do it. I know that if I walk to that dinner table and Liz has somebody there with her that I’m going to need to leave There is no way in fucking universe or any other that I’m gonna be able to sit there and do that

May 28, 2024 4:47:20 PM Me

That woman won’t even speak a fucking complete sentence to me. She’s the one that wanted a cordial coparenting relationship and I’m ready for it and she again won’t give me the fucking time a day acknowledge that I fucking exist So fuck her and every horse she’s ever rode in her fucking life

May 28, 2024 4:48:33 PM Me

I so wish I could make few people feel the levels of stress that I experience. Both psychologically and physically.

May 28, 2024 4:48:56 PM Me

Ok, bye

May 28, 2024 4:52:45 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I feel you on some level. Been through emotional roller coaster of ending relationships/

May 28, 2024 4:52:48 PM Me

Just found out I missed 2, TWO dart tournaments this past weekend with everyone from the league.

May 28, 2024 4:52:57 PM Me

Gutted

May 28, 2024 4:53:14 PM Me

Only this that makes me forget everything

May 28, 2024 4:53:43 PM Me

I’m crying a river right now it’s that impactful

May 28, 2024 4:56:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cry for a little bit. Then let it go.

May 28, 2024 4:57:35 PM Me

How weird is it that I’m more comfortable hanging out in my car by myself parked on the side of a random road. Rather than hanging out with my parents at a hotel with a pool

May 28, 2024 4:58:03 PM Me

In the past 24 hours, I’ve spent almost every hour with them

May 28, 2024 5:00:37 PM Me

I was thinking today about what it would take for me to feel what I might consider normal again and it’s a lot. This experienced has changed me in ways that I’m not proud of or excited about. And something else I’ve noticed is I’m catching a lot more people staring at me, and I don’t know why that is. I could be getting schizo. I don’t know what I do know is that I’ve been pushing for years now. Shit ain’t getting better.

May 28, 2024 5:01:50 PM Me

A hug from Jenica would be perfect right now

May 28, 2024 5:02:06 PM Me

She knows how to hug

May 28, 2024 11:33:05 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 29 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

❤️

May 28, 2024 11:42:32 PM Me

Headed to sleep in my car I’m about to let my mom know that I’m not coming back to the hotel. I would have to share a bed with your mom and one thing I have no control over is when I sleep I sometimes go to fight club and Jenica told me this. I had no idea that I did this but in the middle of the night I start fighting throwing punches kicking yelling. It’s not a one off either. I do it a lot. It explains me at least why I wake up feeling so exhausted because I’m living an entirely another life in my subconscious while I’m sleeping. So the last thing I wanna do is your mom and I am more than OK sleeping in my car. I’ve been doing it for a long time and I am actually very comfortable being inside this vehicle by myself. It’s a safe space.

May 28, 2024 11:43:53 PM +13038752587

Did you stay with your parents last night?

May 28, 2024 11:43:53 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 28, 2024 11:44:17 PM +13038752587

How was dinner? Where did you go?

May 29, 2024 9:11:01 AM Me

I stayed in my car last

May 29, 2024 9:13:32 AM Me

Went to Lisa’s Cantina. It was good but I have alcohol and I get animated too much. As if my preoccupation of 24/7 survival living get turned off and suddenly I’m loud.

May 29, 2024 9:13:51 AM Me

I don’t feel well at all

May 29, 2024 9:14:31 AM Me

Catch 22 of wanting more rest but needing to hustle

May 29, 2024 10:20:14 AM Me

SPRAVATO® (esketamine)

May 29, 2024 10:20:14 AM Me

My psychiatric nurse recommended this today when I brought up the topic of treatment by ketamine or psilocybin. She said that she had very good results with patients. Many of them she never sees again because this medication takes care of their issues with whatever other treatments they’re getting, she said it’s FDA approved and I guess I’d have to figure out if it would be covered by insurance or how much it cost out of pocket. It would certainly be something I would be willing to try not to feel like shit anymore.

May 29, 2024 10:54:33 AM +13038752587

Cool - do a little research into it both the drug and the cost

May 29, 2024 10:54:59 AM +13038752587

Were you able to get to that event on Tuesday?

May 29, 2024 10:56:03 AM Me

I’m not sure I know what event you were referring to? I spent yesterday getting my parents to their rental car and then picking up your mom from the airport.

May 29, 2024 10:56:26 AM Me

I did confirm that I missed two dart tournaments this weekend

May 29, 2024 10:56:47 AM +13038752587

The one to help with California Medicaid and snap

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May 29, 2024 10:57:31 AM ⇲ Me

I was in the middle of getting all the elders in the right spots yesterday yesterday and the window of time that was open was right in the heart of when I was busy

May 29, 2024 10:56:52 AM Me

The president of the dart association texted me yesterday to see if everything was OK. He was surprised not to see me, and I said I’m not on Facebook so I didn’t know it was happening

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May 29, 2024 10:56:53 AM +13038752587

Etc

May 29, 2024 10:57:31 AM ⇱ Me

I was in the middle of getting all the elders in the right spots yesterday yesterday and the window of time that was open was right in the heart of when I was busy
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 29, 2024 10:57:57 AM +13038752587

I bet - next Tuesday

May 29, 2024 10:58:18 AM Me

The only other time I think is either Thursday or Friday, but I may be busy doing things with them all. Yes, I just saw your text. I imagine it will be next Tuesday after everyone’s gone and graduation is over.

May 29, 2024 10:58:30 AM Me

This Week is a very heavy load to carry

May 29, 2024 10:58:57 AM +13038752587

You doing great

May 29, 2024 10:59:34 AM Me

I woke up feeling pretty damn bad. I did speak to my psychiatric nurse this morning about my meds. Hence what I sent you I was able to pick up my installment from my client which was nice and I am about to go into Starbucks get into Sigma and bust a move on his prototype I want to, get the interactivity as far along as possible and send him a link. I will likely send it to you as well.

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May 29, 2024 11:00:30 AM Me

Also, let me know what your schedule looks like in terms of finding a time that me you and DJ could get on a Google meet or hang out together. I told DJ I would find out your availability map it over mine and then tell him when we’re both available. he is in Alabama so East Coast time and he does not have southern accent 😃

May 29, 2024 11:00:54 AM +13038752587

Next week

May 29, 2024 11:01:28 AM Me

I would be so stoked if the three of us could combine our superpowers. I will push more on the website set up a little later today. I Pomodoro my day so I take a break five minute break every 25 minutes.

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May 29, 2024 11:01:36 AM +13038752587

Monday evening or Tuesday morning

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May 29, 2024 11:01:59 AM Me

After 5 = evening

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May 29, 2024 11:02:14 AM Me

Before? On Tuesday

May 29, 2024 11:04:36 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Between 9-12 MST

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May 29, 2024 11:02:58 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’m in hour 20 right now - I may get a small nap before Lilly’s graduation from preschool at 2:30

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May 29, 2024 11:03:37 AM Me

May 29, 2024 11:03:59 AM +13038752587

Had a work meeting this morning

May 29, 2024 11:04:26 AM Me

Did you tell them you need more money?

May 29, 2024 11:04:36 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Between 9-12 MST

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This message responded to an earlier message.

May 29, 2024 11:05:19 AM +13038752587

I did and said I was looking

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May 29, 2024 11:05:53 AM Me

I think that’s pretty fair. It’s better than you just dropping the piano from the sky on them. At least they have an inkling.

May 29, 2024 11:17:26 AM Me

Hey! Check out this awesome quote on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

May 29, 2024 11:17:28 AM Me

https://insig.ht/84ngAtvZZJb

May 29, 2024 2:45:57 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

This is fire

May 29, 2024 2:45:58 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 41 seconds) Me

X (formerly Twitter)

May 29, 2024 2:46:07 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 32 seconds) Me

In @ChromeDevTools , AI via Gemini can now help you understand what the problem is and how to fix it, straight from the Console!

May 29, 2024 2:46:22 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 17 seconds) Me

No more jumping around

May 29, 2024 2:47:06 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 33 seconds) Me

Also this news:

May 29, 2024 2:47:10 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) Me

Opera Newsroom

May 29, 2024 2:47:46 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 53 seconds) Me

So much moving all at once. This is Tsunami level change coming

May 29, 2024 3:28:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Talked to DJ, whatever day you’ll be more “awake” would be best.

May 29, 2024 3:28:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know

May 29, 2024 4:01:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Tuesday

May 29, 2024 5:06:04 PM Me

Ok

May 29, 2024 5:06:13 PM Me

I’ll let him know

May 30, 2024 2:16:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi, 9am next Tuesday is when we’ll meet with DJ

May 30, 2024 4:20:09 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

✅

May 30, 2024 2:18:34 PM Me

Sent invite.

May 30, 2024 4:20:09 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

✅
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 31, 2024 9:05:28 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning 😃 What’s the days agenda with graduation?

May 31, 2024 10:51:49 AM Me

Right now I’m DoorDash Ing. Then I am working. Then I take Declan to jury duty until 5 o’clock and then I have to haul ass back to Ojai to make it to the senior dinner by 630.

May 31, 2024 10:51:59 AM Me

Graduation is tomorrow at 9 AM

May 31, 2024 10:53:15 AM Me

I’m feeling quite depressed about everything overall. People have said congratulations to me and I find that weird. And people are very happy for me, but I didn’t do anything. Dora did all the work it’s about him. It’s not about me plan on being as small as possible, getting noticed by anybody I want to avoid people

May 31, 2024 10:58:10 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

You played a significant part in the person Darragh has become. Do not underestimate your value.

May 31, 2024 10:54:49 AM Me

If I feel any during this celebration, it’s failure. I failed my kids. I failed my family and I failed and I failed myself.

May 31, 2024 10:57:13 AM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Did Declan get selected to be in the jury?

May 31, 2024 10:58:54 AM ⇲ Me

He isn’t in a jury

May 31, 2024 10:59:09 AM ⇲ Me

He has to show us and see if he ends up in one

May 31, 2024 10:58:08 AM Me

That’s why I’m wearing all black. To me this is the funeral for my departure from campus

May 31, 2024 10:58:10 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

You played a significant part in the person Darragh has become. Do not underestimate your value.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 31, 2024 10:58:38 AM Me

I honestly don’t feel like I did all that much

May 31, 2024 10:58:54 AM ⇱ Me

He isn’t in a jury
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 31, 2024 10:59:09 AM ⇱ Me

He has to show us and see if he ends up in one
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 31, 2024 11:00:15 AM Me

I will not be able to not compare myself to other parents that are there. Captains of industry tons of incredibly successful people Darragh has his unemployed homeless father with him.

May 31, 2024 11:00:28 AM Me

Loser

May 31, 2024 11:00:36 AM Me

His loser father

May 31, 2024 11:01:13 AM Me

Being around all of that, I’m gonna have a very hard time keeping my composure

May 31, 2024 11:01:27 AM Me

I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to excuse myself more than once in order to gather myself myself

May 31, 2024 11:01:48 AM +13038752587

You are comparing yourself to others. You do not know about their personal life

May 31, 2024 11:02:17 AM Me

The awkwardness I already feel and it’s not even started is ridiculous. It’s off the charts.

May 31, 2024 11:02:19 AM +13038752587

Stop the internal negativity game

May 31, 2024 11:02:43 AM Me

I’ll just be quiet

May 31, 2024 11:03:01 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No - get it out and be done with it

May 31, 2024 11:04:44 AM ⇲ Me

No one wants to hear what I have to say, in particular, Elizabeth. I have an earful for her.

May 31, 2024 11:03:57 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You gave your boys the best thing ever. Time and love ❤️

May 31, 2024 11:04:11 AM Me

I’m good at being smart and invisible and that is how I plan to operate this weekend. I’m going to try not to be seen by people. I especially don’t want to see people. I haven’t seen in a while because they will ask me how things are going and probably. Lose my shit The amount of energy and internal fortitude I have to generate to be at one of these things with the way my life is right now incredibly fucking hard

May 31, 2024 11:04:44 AM ⇱ Me

No one wants to hear what I have to say, in particular, Elizabeth. I have an earful for her.
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 31, 2024 11:05:00 AM Me

I don’t think the dinner table at Senior banquet is the place for me to unload

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May 31, 2024 11:05:12 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

There will be a time for that. Not today though

May 31, 2024 11:05:21 AM Me

I will have a full audience there, and it is a good time to speak the truth and put it out on the table and call her out in front of her boys

May 31, 2024 11:06:23 AM +13038752587

Today is about celebrating Darragh and nothing else. I know you know that.

May 31, 2024 11:07:07 AM Me

Yes, I know that. But it is very awkward for me to be on that campus, and all these people who had known knee and seen me around for a long time, and have also seen me vaporized for a long time, all of a sudden see me there.

May 31, 2024 11:07:20 AM Me

Already happens on campus now I get stared at and I feel like people are whispering while they stare at me

May 31, 2024 11:07:46 AM Me

Can’t take that. Feel like there’s some kind of shared fucking secret going on about me and people talking behind my back literally right in my face.

May 31, 2024 11:07:56 AM Me

I feel awkward with my kids now

May 31, 2024 11:08:06 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok that sounds like paranoia

May 31, 2024 11:08:11 AM Me

I can feel there awkwardness with me

May 31, 2024 11:08:24 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

People have there own shot to deal with

May 31, 2024 11:08:55 AM +13038752587

It your awkwardness you feel and your projecting on to them

May 31, 2024 11:08:55 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 31, 2024 11:08:59 AM Me

For me, it’s energy and frequency. I can feel it energetically.

May 31, 2024 11:09:55 AM Me

I know you’ve had that sensation in your life at least once where you’ve been somewhere and it just doesn’t feel right. I have that all the time everywhere I go I can feel those feelings whether it’s a good place to be or bad

May 31, 2024 11:10:11 AM Me

I pick up on the collective energy of a space when I walk into it

May 31, 2024 11:10:13 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

My suggestion for you is when/if triggered remind yourself why you are there - to celebrate your sons milestone

May 31, 2024 11:10:14 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

May 31, 2024 11:10:28 AM Me

Ok

May 31, 2024 11:11:04 AM Me

I'm just sick of feeling like shit all the time

May 31, 2024 11:11:19 AM Me

Never content. Never relaxed.

May 31, 2024 11:11:31 AM Me

Never ever happy

May 31, 2024 11:11:59 AM Me

Only bright spot in my whole year was time with Jenica.

May 31, 2024 11:12:52 AM Me

Puddle of tears, ugh

May 31, 2024 11:13:30 AM Me

Does one of those days where you’ve been awake for two hours but you’ve psychologically and emotionally lived an entire week

May 31, 2024 11:14:24 AM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

I know - and after today we will put full attention on getting you the assistance you need to get past this. You have put in lots of work and for the next part a little guidance from a professional and new therapy (ketamine et al )

May 31, 2024 11:17:48 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

My love and support are with you all day.

May 31, 2024 12:00:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thanks

May 31, 2024 12:32:52 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Havent watched the talk. But the idea of moving forward with grief and loss, VS moving on… Wow. Mentally that’s enormous. Somehow made to feel that one needs to move ON and LET GO. Sometimes one never lets go—I get it.

May 31, 2024 12:32:54 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it

May 31, 2024 12:33:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its a would so deep it never fully heals

May 31, 2024 12:33:30 PM Me

WORD

May 31, 2024 1:12:15 PM Me

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May 31, 2024 2:35:58 PM Me

I want to text Jenica badly. I miss her dearly. But my situation hasn't changed. want I want to be able to contact her and ask her out on a date but with me working. Even if I had a shit apartment she wouldn’t care she just wants me to have a place of my own.

May 31, 2024 2:36:36 PM +13038752587

That’s good motivation

May 31, 2024 2:37:48 PM ⇲ Me

I’ve been motivated for a new role for over a year. I was motivated the day after I got dropped. What I can’t get is any fucking traction. I’m sitting at Starbucks right now and going to work on a different way of telling my story on my homepage that is not like typical Designer websites

May 31, 2024 2:36:39 PM Me

Really appreciate your perspective on this

May 31, 2024 2:37:48 PM ⇱ Me

I’ve been motivated for a new role for over a year. I was motivated the day after I got dropped. What I can’t get is any fucking traction. I’m sitting at Starbucks right now and going to work on a different way of telling my story on my homepage that is not like typical Designer websites
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 31, 2024 2:39:32 PM Me

Maybe I get real

May 31, 2024 2:39:53 PM Me

A “what does it take?” story

May 31, 2024 2:40:22 PM Me

I'm thinking parallax with moving typography

May 31, 2024 2:40:46 PM Me

I'll have AI help me tell my personal story

May 31, 2024 2:59:08 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Traditional job searching is almost like playing the lottery

May 31, 2024 2:59:31 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

There most be a better way

May 31, 2024 3:00:03 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Stop tweaking your website

May 31, 2024 3:00:37 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Start posting what you are doing with AI -case study/teach

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May 31, 2024 3:02:42 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Another thought. - how I used AI to build a UI(website,etc)

May 31, 2024 4:39:23 PM Me

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Hey! Check out this awesome quote on Insight Timer, the world's largest free library of wellbeing content.

May 31, 2024 4:39:24 PM Me

https://insig.ht/x21SNWkG3Jb

May 31, 2024 7:21:23 PM Me

May 31, 2024 7:21:24 PM Me

That’s an old fucking man

May 31, 2024 7:39:48 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 16 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Looking sharp

May 31, 2024 10:04:56 PM Me

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as much disassociation and never felt like I’ve not belong somewhere before like that It really sucks to be at this event unable to enjoy it. Instead it’s a mild form of torture for me

May 31, 2024 10:07:13 PM Me

Truly, it sucks to be unable to enjoy this weekend at all. This is something it’s looked forward to my whole fucking prayer during life and here it is and I’m gutted I’m sitting in a space where the site and feeling of everything I have lost is in my face. Liz and all three of the boys having all this fun and giggling together I didn’t like they always have like their lives are just going on like they always have .

May 31, 2024 10:07:41 PM Me

The feeling of not wanting to be alive is really big right now

May 31, 2024 10:08:52 PM Me

It sucks because every graduation year at the end of the senior banquet they have desserts, music and dancing for the seniors in their parents. Tonight after dinner, my dad fell and scraped his and banged his head, so brought everybody back to the hotel and now I’m in my car Just before 9 o’clock and I’m trying to find a street to park on sleep

May 31, 2024 10:10:04 PM Me

Shame embarrassment. All kinds of feelings floating up. I just I just don’t wanna be alive anymore. It’s no fucking fun. Every day is a fucking pain in my ass struggle and I’m just fucking sick of it everything.

May 31, 2024 10:11:54 PM Me

So now I find myself parked on the side of the road while the rest of my family is up at the school dancing and having desserts and having a good fucking time. Meanwhile, I get to hang out in my car, fucking homeless and unemployed and complete fucking loser

May 31, 2024 10:12:19 PM Me

I want to go to sleep and not wake the fuck up

May 31, 2024 10:14:42 PM Me

This world isn’t for me anymore. I don’t fit in. I have failed at life. And honestly, a whole life felt that way.

May 31, 2024 10:15:25 PM +13038752587

Go back and dance and have desserts

May 31, 2024 10:15:53 PM +13038752587

Bust some moves

May 31, 2024 10:18:12 PM +13038752587

You have not failed at life.

May 31, 2024 10:19:04 PM +13038752587

You are looking at things through a lens that doesn’t allow you to see your success.

May 31, 2024 10:27:19 PM Me

Just sent to Liz — Had thought about boys graduating from Thacher long ago and here it is, but I’m in a different reality and it’s intensely painful. Seeing you and the boys laughing and goofing around shows me all I lost and makes my current existence hard to bear. I simply try to exist without being a burden or cause trouble. But being alive hurts. All the time. it’s incredibly difficult and intense to exist I’m so sorry for everything I’m sorry you wasted your life with me.

May 31, 2024 10:28:23 PM Me

I’m not going back onto the campus where I don’t feel welcome

May 31, 2024 10:28:43 PM Me

I don’t feel welcome at Thacher anymore. Not after I got those emails.

May 31, 2024 10:29:00 PM Me

I don’t like the place anymore and actually have kind of a growing distain for it

May 31, 2024 10:29:01 PM +13038752587

Oh my friend, my cousin, your and Liz’s time was not wasted life or time.

May 31, 2024 10:29:13 PM Me

Yes it wa

May 31, 2024 10:29:32 PM Me

Feels Like a comolete waste to Me

May 31, 2024 10:29:50 PM Me

You haven’t lost everything you don’t know what this feels like

May 31, 2024 10:30:09 PM Me

It’s just so fucking hard to be alive right now

May 31, 2024 10:30:28 PM Me

It really fucking hurts. The sword is stuck in my chest and somebody is turning it left and right it fucking hurts.

May 31, 2024 10:31:04 PM Me

The other thing that’s incredibly painful is to see everyone so fucking happy so incredibly joyful so much intense happiness

May 31, 2024 10:31:28 PM Me

When you’ve been in the headspace, I’ve been in being around that it feels fake. It doesn’t feel real.

May 31, 2024 10:32:07 PM Me

I mean, we did a big photo of everybody together and Liz and the boys are on one side and I’m off on the fucking other side. I’m not a part of the world. I’m not a part of my families world anymore.

May 31, 2024 10:32:13 PM +13038752587

I have lost “everything” a few times. And it does hurt However I want you to know is does pass in time.

May 31, 2024 10:32:19 PM Me

I nailed it. I am not a part of my families world anymore. They still have their world. I just got kicked the fuck out of it.

May 31, 2024 10:33:14 PM +13038752587

Yoy and Liz separated - you will always be the boy’s father

May 31, 2024 10:34:03 PM ⇲ Me

See that’s just it like I’m in this fucking reality. I don’t wanna be in but everybody else is in a normal life pattern. It’s just a mild blip on their radar. Where is my entire fucking life has been blown the fuck up

May 31, 2024 10:33:15 PM Me

Remember the thing I sent you about moving on or getting beyond something I’m carrying this with me. The rest of my fucking life which is gonna be fucking brief. I can’t do this much longer.

May 31, 2024 10:34:03 PM ⇱ Me

See that’s just it like I’m in this fucking reality. I don’t wanna be in but everybody else is in a normal life pattern. It’s just a mild blip on their radar. Where is my entire fucking life has been blown the fuck up
This message responded to an earlier message.

May 31, 2024 10:34:35 PM +13038752587

That is why your going to do a more intensive therapy- do heal your brain and mind.

May 31, 2024 10:35:28 PM Me

I’ve been in this fucking space for over a year and I fucking had it. I’m done so right this minute. I had a way to fucking end my life because it would be over. It would’ve been over a long time ago. I don’t know why the fuck I’m hanging out and continuing to fucking suffer just to make other people happy I just gotta keep living my life and suffering just so I don’t inconvenience other people with my choice to end my own life because I am not satisfied.

May 31, 2024 10:37:29 PM +13038752587

I believe you are going to win this current struggle because you know there is a purpose to all of it.

May 31, 2024 10:37:47 PM Me

Truly, that to me really feels why I’m still here. It’s just so I don’t upset everyone. How fucking sad of a life is that

May 31, 2024 10:38:17 PM Me

I wake up every day to another miserable day, just to make other peoples days and lives go by

May 31, 2024 10:38:58 PM Me

Just so fucking angry that Elizabeth abandoned me

May 31, 2024 10:39:59 PM Me

I would never fucking abandon her I would never give up on her and I lived my life like that was going the same way towards me. But it wasn’t and I didn’t fucking know that and then gets dropped on my fucking head day the end.

May 31, 2024 10:41:57 PM Me

Actually, I could eat my whole bottle of beta blockers. That would slow my heart down to the point where it would stop

May 31, 2024 10:42:15 PM Me

Fuck

May 31, 2024 10:42:37 PM Me

Ok, I need to sleep

May 31, 2024 10:42:51 PM Me

Good night

May 31, 2024 10:43:57 PM Me

The last thing I’ll say is that I just feel incredibly sad to be disassociated on a weekend where I should feel fully immersed in it and I should feel happiness. But I don’t feel happiness and I don’t feel immersed in it. I find it incredibly heartbreaking.

May 31, 2024 10:44:29 PM Me

It’s just so sad to find your son’s graduation heartbreaking

May 31, 2024 10:45:18 PM +13038752587

Are you going to be ok tonight

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May 31, 2024 10:46:38 PM +13038752587

Sleep sounds like a good plan. Eating a whole bottle of beta blockers not a good.

May 31, 2024 10:48:13 PM +13038752587

Keep chatting a bit longer

May 31, 2024 10:49:29 PM +13038752587

Answer me a couple of questions

May 31, 2024 10:51:06 PM Me

I'll be ok

May 31, 2024 10:51:22 PM Me

Things hurt harder than EVER

May 31, 2024 10:52:07 PM +13038752587

I wish I was there to give you a hug.

May 31, 2024 10:52:17 PM Me

And I'm trying to not show it or let it out. It will scare the hell out of everybody basically.

May 31, 2024 10:53:03 PM Me

And yeah, I would just scare people if they heard the shit coming out of my mouth. I just find it incredibly sad that I’m sleeping in my car the night before my kids graduation because I’m unemployed and homeless.

May 31, 2024 10:54:30 PM +13038752587

If the darkness gets overwhelming, will you call the hotline and talk with a counselor?

May 31, 2024 10:54:43 PM Me

Part of it for me is never reconciling or even pretending to fucking reconcile. The feeling of just being cut loose and fucking abandoned.

May 31, 2024 10:55:08 PM Me

I can't not feel that All the time And intensely

May 31, 2024 10:55:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Get your headspace straight, then that can be worked on

May 31, 2024 10:56:14 PM Me

I feel completely abandoned by my family because I'm mentally ill

May 31, 2024 10:56:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The boys have not abandoned you.

May 31, 2024 10:56:55 PM Me

I'm simply tired of waking up

May 31, 2024 10:57:07 PM +13038752587

They might not know how to best relate to things

May 31, 2024 10:57:20 PM Me

And having to face this existence every day

May 31, 2024 10:58:21 PM (Read by you after 26 seconds) +13038752587

Repeat - that is why you are doing new therapy. Time to rewire the pathways

May 31, 2024 11:00:00 PM Me

Maybe, maybe not

May 31, 2024 11:01:53 PM +13038752587

I believe the chances are good

May 31, 2024 11:01:59 PM Me

Said it once I’ve probably said it dozens of times I’m just too fucking tired from all of this past year. I don’t want to build a new life. I’m just too fucking tired to do it.

May 31, 2024 11:02:30 PM Me

I probably lived 20 fucking years in this past year. It’s made me feel very old and worthless.

May 31, 2024 11:04:40 PM Me

Again, I’m being forced into a life that I don’t fucking want. Why can’t anybody hear that part of what I’m saying. Apparently Liz can make a decision and I just have to fucking swallow it. What have I done to deserve this treatment? Why do I have to put up with it

May 31, 2024 11:05:05 PM Me

When do I get to make a decision that she just has to fucking deal with?

May 31, 2024 11:06:08 PM Me

I’m just so angry and I will be angry forever about this. I know that to be true and part of the reason this will never be something I will get over. I’ll live with it. I won’t move on from it.

May 31, 2024 11:06:29 PM Me

And that makes me even more angry

May 31, 2024 11:07:22 PM Me

I did not deserve this treatment in my life. I am being treated like a fucking criminal. I’m being forced to carry out a painful sentence that no one else sees. I wake up in mental fucking prison every fucking day.

May 31, 2024 11:08:00 PM Me

I mean, the woman won’t acknowledge my fucking existence at a dinner table dude like what the fuck

May 31, 2024 11:08:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes, others can’t see it.

May 31, 2024 11:08:30 PM Me

Maybe if I said hey fuck face instead of hey Liz, she’d pay attention to me

May 31, 2024 11:08:49 PM Me

Or better yet hey bitch

May 31, 2024 11:09:01 PM +13038752587

Probably, but not the attention you are seeking

May 31, 2024 11:09:18 PM Me

Or go hard with C U N T

May 31, 2024 11:09:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That is a hard word here in the states

May 31, 2024 11:09:43 PM Me

She has no fucking idea what I’ve been through

May 31, 2024 11:10:10 PM Me

She’s apparently this kind empathetic person, but I haven’t seen seen that since the boys were born

May 31, 2024 11:11:56 PM Me

I would just love to know why she was so afraid of me before all this happened. She when she reached out to you. That was a period of time when I was a fucking ghost I didn’t exist to her. She didn’t talk to me at all, so I got fucking depressed. I was smoking a shit ton of pot to numb myself because my wife fucking made me feel invisible. Then I get told to get the fuck out. I’m glad I stopped at the self-help center at the county offices today. I’m gonna start filing for divorce. I’m gonna put in the financial papers. I want fucking alimony. I want her to pay for an apartment. I want her to pay for a lot of things she’s gonna put me up Just like her dad had to do for her mom.

May 31, 2024 11:12:29 PM Me

And if she doesn’t wanna give up half of all the stuff in the house, half of the painting collection and half of her retirement, she shouldn’t have fucking done this. Because when that paperwork comes, I’m just gonna look at her and say sorry bitch

May 31, 2024 11:13:02 PM Me

If anything, I’ve been really fucking kind not filing for divorce and getting alimony money a while back

May 31, 2024 11:13:40 PM Me

Like if I’m gonna put up with this mental anguish, maybe I can put some pocketbook fucking anguish on her side of the equation and she can feel a fucking

May 31, 2024 11:14:29 PM Me

I mean, the whole gist of it was we got into the situation we were in because she wouldn’t fuck me. So maybe now I can really fuck her hard in the pocketbook.

May 31, 2024 11:14:47 PM Me

I'm so fucking pathetic

May 31, 2024 11:18:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You went to the self help center 😀

May 31, 2024 11:18:46 PM Me

Yes

May 31, 2024 11:19:15 PM Me

Next Tuesday I can watch a webinar at 1:30 where they show you how to file for a divorce by yourself DIY

May 31, 2024 11:19:49 PM Me

I mean if she wanted the divorce so Bad why hasn’t she started the paperwork?

May 31, 2024 11:20:08 PM Me

Because she knows she’s gonna have to show me the fucking money

May 31, 2024 11:21:12 PM Me

May 31, 2024 11:21:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

On the greatest scenes

May 31, 2024 11:22:17 PM Me

Jun 01, 2024 9:07:31 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Jun 01, 2024 9:30:05 AM Me

👋

Jun 01, 2024 9:59:16 AM Me

It's a cloudy morning, cool and slight mist in the air

Jun 01, 2024 9:59:44 AM Me

I feel better, but not 100%

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Jun 01, 2024 12:51:08 PM Me

Standing in watching the boys and Elizabeth and everybody just acting like they always have and happy and such I am so disassociated right now I had to walk away from people and be by myself

Jun 01, 2024 12:53:20 PM Me

The day just got far more intense and the day hurts now. And I still have to go out to a lunch with everybody. I just sit there quiet and don’t say anything. It’s very fucking weird.

Jun 01, 2024 12:54:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Why don’t you speak

Jun 01, 2024 4:58:36 PM Me

Lunch is over now I’m away from everybody and I guess now I have to figure out what the fuck to do with myself. Reason or purpose of me even being alive was to be at that event. That event is over.

Jun 01, 2024 4:59:00 PM Me

No purpose

Jun 01, 2024 4:59:05 PM Me

No tether

Jun 01, 2024 4:59:17 PM Me

No reason

Jun 01, 2024 4:59:22 PM Me

To stay

Jun 01, 2024 5:00:49 PM Me

Great I just fucked up my car at getting into storage. I just smashed the Sideview mirror and think I broke the outside casing

Jun 01, 2024 5:00:54 PM Me

Oh well

Jun 01, 2024 5:02:17 PM Me

I need to make the car payment, which I have money for. But it’s June 1 and my car registration ran out yesterday. I’m $100 and something short and being able to pay for my car registration. I also have an overdue ticket from the city of Ventura from some fucking needle nose Patrol in training kid who dinged me for a plastic cover over top of my license plate. I called him when he was writing the ticket and I said are you serious? And he said yes and I said great thanks I’m homeless and unemployed I could really use that ticket, and he just fucking handed it to me and Ann went. I could’ve fucking kicked him in the ass.

Jun 01, 2024 5:02:47 PM Me

Anyway, I get to sit in my own stew for the rest of the day and be miserable and depressed. I’m just so looking forward to tonight.

Jun 01, 2024 5:03:41 PM Me

I could try to distract myself with working on my client project or working on my website or something towards finding a job. But I do that every fucking day all day long. And I’m so fucking tired of it. I’m just really tired of being alive.

Jun 01, 2024 5:04:15 PM Me

And now I have nothing in front of me keeping me here. Checking out is so tantalizing right now truly

Jun 01, 2024 5:05:21 PM Me

Just a simple idea that I’m gonna have to work my ass off even more to get my back on my feet is so discouraging. Already feel like I’ve been working my ass off and now to say no dude we need more from you is something I don’t know if I have the juice for. I have think I’ve fucking put it all out there so far and I don’t know if I have anything else to give

Jun 01, 2024 5:05:42 PM Me

Today was a great day for Darragh. I’m very happy for him and in the same breath, it was one of the hardest days of my life.

Jun 01, 2024 5:06:19 PM Me

Now that I’m away from everybody, I started to cry and just keeps coming and I can’t stop it. I’m just sitting here not wailing. There’s just water falling out of my eyes constantly.

Jun 01, 2024 5:08:03 PM Me

It just really sucks not to have somebody to fucking lean on. Liz was supposed to be that person for me, but for some reason she didn’t seem to want that responsibility even though she took a vow to fucking do that. That’s why I find her dishonorable. Taking a vow of marriage is a solemn promise and to abandon that is to abandoned person you made that promise to. And to do that to them when they are at the lowest point in their life is incredibly heartless and cruel.

Jun 01, 2024 5:08:39 PM Me

I have more than paid the fucking price for whatever the fuck she thinks I did

Jun 01, 2024 5:09:07 PM Me

I mean, come on. I’m ready to end my life over this. Isn’t that enough?

Jun 01, 2024 5:09:29 PM Me

When is the fucking universe going to take its fucking boot off my neck?

Jun 01, 2024 5:10:46 PM Me

No one has any idea what my life islike . You’re the only person that even has a fucking whisper of what it’s like. I wouldn’t wish my existence on my worst fucking enemy somebody I hate viscerally. What I’m going through is torture, mental torture.

Jun 01, 2024 5:11:48 PM Me

Absolutely sure that everybody thinks I’m like everyone else and that I’m just happy and OK with everything that’s going on and life is good I’m literally convincing myself every day not to check the fuck out

Jun 01, 2024 5:12:37 PM Me

I'm all full, cant take no more

Jun 01, 2024 5:12:52 PM Me

If something should happen to me, please tell Elizabeth I’m sorry and that I never meant to hurt her

Jun 01, 2024 5:13:23 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What’s up

Jun 01, 2024 5:13:31 PM Me

Please tell her I wanted so much to heal this and come back together.

Jun 01, 2024 5:13:32 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Just getting your text

Jun 01, 2024 7:24:01 PM Me

I have a question about reaching out to Jenica. When my parents arrived, they asked about her and I told them that we had stopped seeing each other and I don’t know if I felt like they were bummed. They weren’t gonna meet her and Jenica seemed very excited to meet my mom, and they’re only here one more day tomorrow. So is it wrong of me to reach out and say hey?

Jun 01, 2024 7:30:22 PM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

I think it’s best to wait. I don’t know her though. Are you ok if she declines the invitation?

Jun 01, 2024 7:31:04 PM Me

Good point

Jun 01, 2024 7:31:45 PM Me

It could piss her off. If I had my shit together it wouldn't be an issue

Jun 01, 2024 7:34:46 PM Me

It's sad that I'm stopped from being in her life because of my situation. Honestly, it hurts doubly so.

Jun 01, 2024 7:36:10 PM Me

We both know we’d be good together over time. We talked about lots of life and were VERY open with one another. We get each other

Jun 01, 2024 7:41:06 PM Me

I think of her every day

Jun 01, 2024 7:41:39 PM Me

That was her birthday party in March

Jun 01, 2024 8:44:23 PM Me

Just got a huge blast of deeply deep wave hit 👊 me hard The kind where I wonder why I'm sticking around to not make others suffer, while I carry all of the suffering from this fallout

Jun 01, 2024 8:45:10 PM Me

I feel abandoned by Liz and to a certain extent the boys.

Jun 01, 2024 8:47:40 PM Me

And I feel a discomfort from each of the boys when I interact with them 1 on 1. I can't pin it, just feel a disturbance in the force. Only thing I would wager is that Liz said something about me either to them or around them when in Jo’s company for example

Jun 01, 2024 8:47:45 PM Me

Anyway….

Jun 01, 2024 9:01:13 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Are you out with the parents?

Jun 01, 2024 9:02:23 PM Me

No

Jun 01, 2024 9:02:51 PM Me

I’m at the storage cleaning up because it's a mess

Jun 01, 2024 9:03:05 PM Me

Practicing dark right now and then likely to go catch a shower there

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Jun 01, 2024 9:03:10 PM Me

Darts

Jun 01, 2024 9:35:07 PM Me

Jun 01, 2024 10:45:22 PM Me

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Jun 01, 2024 10:52:44 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 02, 2024 8:43:30 AM Me

Good morning I woke up between six and 630 with the realization. I have less than 20 miles on my battery and didn’t have any money to put juice in my car. And I was thinking about going to play darts today but no juice no drive to Ventura. So, I open the DoorDash app and it said I could dash. I wasn’t scheduled but sometimes when they’re slammed, they’ll let people jump on to deliver stuff and get through the slam I did and my first order was a $21 delivery. So I’m done with that and now got some coffee and I am charging my car And I have no idea why I’m telling you this other than telling you this

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Jun 02, 2024 9:25:18 AM Me

Jun 02, 2024 9:26:53 AM Me

Now I have to pay $413 to register my car. It cost me more because I don’t have money. Plus I have to pay a Ventura ticket in order to pay this to have everything I need for my registration right now. I have $700 450 of which go to pay for the car, the rest can go towards the registration, but I’m still, like 250 short. I’m fucked because if I get pulled over by the sheriff or highway patrol I have a ticket and I have an expired registration. What the fuck will happen to me I have no idea.

Jun 02, 2024 9:29:55 AM Me

I have cash, but I don’t have any way to digitally pay anybody unless I pay rite aid 10 bucks to put money on my reloadable debit card

Jun 02, 2024 9:32:02 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

What is due exactly?

Jun 02, 2024 9:32:31 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Pay your registration first

Jun 02, 2024 9:34:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Registration.

Jun 02, 2024 9:34:29 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

When is the due date for car? When does it become late?

Jun 02, 2024 9:34:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ticket

Jun 02, 2024 9:34:41 AM Me

Car Payment

Jun 02, 2024 9:34:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

All past due

Jun 02, 2024 9:34:51 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’m confused

Jun 02, 2024 9:35:03 AM +13038752587

The first thing is a ticket?

Jun 02, 2024 9:35:10 AM +13038752587

The image?

Jun 02, 2024 9:35:15 AM Me

My life is past due. Feel like I’m past my expiration date.

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Jun 02, 2024 9:35:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Image is my registration

Jun 02, 2024 9:35:35 AM Me

Went up $73 today

Jun 02, 2024 9:35:40 AM +13038752587

That is a priority

Jun 02, 2024 9:35:52 AM +13038752587

Pay that first

Jun 02, 2024 9:36:31 AM ⇲ Me

OK. I can pay cash this instant, but need to go over to Rite Aid and PAY to put cash on my card.

Jun 02, 2024 9:35:55 AM Me

Going online to see if there’s any lift for homeless unemployed.

Jun 02, 2024 9:36:31 AM ⇱ Me

OK. I can pay cash this instant, but need to go over to Rite Aid and PAY to put cash on my card.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2024 9:36:31 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

How much is the ticket?

Jun 02, 2024 9:37:33 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Or you can ask your parents to put it in their card and you give them the cash - save $10

Jun 02, 2024 9:38:24 AM Me

I can look it up

Jun 02, 2024 9:38:25 AM Me

One min

Jun 02, 2024 9:38:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can scan QR code

Jun 02, 2024 9:38:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

80

Jun 02, 2024 9:38:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

$80

Jun 02, 2024 9:39:14 AM Me

I lose track of all these dates with everything going on and only being able to see 48hrs out 😟

Jun 02, 2024 9:39:19 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Is that the initial amount, what does it escalate to if not paid by when

Jun 02, 2024 9:39:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Even if they’re in a calendar I can’t pay what I dont have at the time

Jun 02, 2024 9:39:40 AM Me

Ok, here’s everything

Jun 02, 2024 9:40:08 AM Me

Ticket $80. That’s it now. Registration

Jun 02, 2024 9:40:12 AM Me

Ticugh

Jun 02, 2024 9:40:15 AM Me

Fuck

Jun 02, 2024 9:40:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Starting over

Jun 02, 2024 9:40:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ticket was 40

Jun 02, 2024 9:40:29 AM Me

Now 80

Jun 02, 2024 9:40:35 AM Me

Registration was 288

Jun 02, 2024 9:40:38 AM Me

Now 413

Jun 02, 2024 9:41:02 AM Me

Car payment is $440, but will not be $470ish because its late

Jun 02, 2024 9:42:08 AM +13038752587

Step one pay registration

Jun 02, 2024 9:42:48 AM Me

And all the money I have in this world cash and card is $724

Jun 02, 2024 9:43:02 AM Me

1, ok

Jun 02, 2024 9:43:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then ticket

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Jun 02, 2024 9:45:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ticket??

Jun 02, 2024 9:45:02 AM Me

Leave car payment?

Jun 02, 2024 9:46:28 AM Me

Also, I have to text Liz and ask her to cover the cell phone again and car insurance. I paid everyones cellphone this whole past year up until a month ago. And I paid a whole year of car insurance for Declan’s Subaru which Liz uses constantly in lieu of driving her jeep into the ground.

Jun 02, 2024 9:47:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

However, its triggering to ask her for money. There is an enormous wave of shame and mentally beaten humility that takes over. I can feel my neck and occipital region getting tighter by the second as I type this.

Jun 02, 2024 9:48:23 AM Me

Just the thought of it and putting it in text is triggering the physical sensations but not in the mind—wild.

Jun 02, 2024 9:48:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, I digress.

Jun 02, 2024 9:49:52 AM Me

OK, going to take my chances and drive from by Vons over to Rite Aid now and put $500 on the card

Jun 02, 2024 9:50:01 AM Me

$413 for registration

Jun 02, 2024 9:50:08 AM Me

$80 for the ticket

Jun 02, 2024 9:50:18 AM Me

I’ll pay both once the money is on my card

Jun 02, 2024 9:50:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What say you?

Jun 02, 2024 9:50:37 AM Me

Potentially done in the next 20-30mins

Jun 02, 2024 9:51:50 AM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

Nonsense / the idea that you paid insurance and mobile phone for everyone for a year when you didn’t have a roof over your head is amazing. No shame in asking her to cover it now.

Jun 02, 2024 9:52:48 AM +13038752587

This card is not connected to bank - right

Jun 02, 2024 9:53:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Correct. I was informed by the bank last week my account was closed with the -$370 and I get a report on my credit account.

Jun 02, 2024 9:54:40 AM ⇲ +13038752587

That’s ok - cash and carry right now is good. They earned enough in fees from you

Jun 02, 2024 9:55:23 AM ⇲ Me

More that $370

Jun 02, 2024 9:55:45 AM ⇲ Me

$35 per ding, and over the years I’ve paid on the order over 100

Jun 02, 2024 9:52:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I feel ashamed and embarrassed to ask

Jun 02, 2024 9:52:57 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Fuck that.

Jun 02, 2024 9:54:15 AM ⇲ Me

It’s part of the illness. I’ve been this way my whole life

Jun 02, 2024 9:53:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Correct. I was informed by the bank last week my account was closed with the -$370 and I get a report on my credit account.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2024 9:53:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So that account doesn’t even work anymore

Jun 02, 2024 9:53:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I haven’t tried

Jun 02, 2024 9:53:51 AM +13038752587

In my mind the two older boys and Liz should have been paying their phone bills

Jun 02, 2024 9:54:15 AM ⇱ Me

It’s part of the illness. I’ve been this way my whole life
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2024 9:54:40 AM ⇱ +13038752587

That’s ok - cash and carry right now is good. They earned enough in fees from you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2024 9:54:52 AM Me

I’d rather just go away and say fuck it but right now I’m about to slip and fall down the drain never to come back.

Jun 02, 2024 9:55:05 AM Me

Fuck crying now that I thought and typed that

Jun 02, 2024 9:55:23 AM ⇱ Me

More that $370
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2024 9:55:45 AM ⇱ Me

$35 per ding, and over the years I’ve paid on the order over 100
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2024 9:56:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

20 years of course

Jun 02, 2024 9:56:12 AM +13038752587

Listen we will get you through this. Let me know once registration and ticket is paid.

Jun 02, 2024 9:56:20 AM Me

I’ve never been able to pay bills on time my whole life, even with help

Jun 02, 2024 9:56:43 AM Me

It stresses me the fuck out

Jun 02, 2024 9:57:02 AM Me

You know what a kernel error is on your laptop?

Jun 02, 2024 9:57:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Black screen, gobbly gook text making no sense to you what so ever?

Jun 02, 2024 9:57:49 AM Me

You think its code, but no idea.

Jun 02, 2024 9:58:04 AM Me

My brain has kernel errors.

Jun 02, 2024 9:58:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It eventually reboots and I get even, but those brain errors fuck you up.

Jun 02, 2024 9:59:05 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

ok, off to rite aid. Put me in a bubble 😊

Jun 02, 2024 10:04:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One thing. Being largely offline over this past week with my visitors I’ve felt torn between not working enough to move myself forward, and not done enough to spend time with people. One pathway that is ever present in my brain is seeing the negative first and foremost. Its part of what makes me good at what I do. I see broken shit everywhere, it jumps out at me. Anyhow. I’ll text again when I get those two things paid.

Jun 02, 2024 10:04:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Would have been $80 cheaper had I done it yesterday. Fuck 😟

Jun 02, 2024 10:07:08 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No doubt - Been there a few times myself.

Jun 02, 2024 10:07:08 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No doubt - Been there a few times myself.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 02, 2024 10:07:08 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 02, 2024 10:09:11 AM Me

I have no idea what the Ventura County Sheriff was doing, but they just had a flashing red light at the Vons intersection with shit three sheriffs standing at every crosswalk like they’re waiting for something with cars and lights and shit and I just drove through that with my one or two day expired registration Freaking the fuck out

Jun 02, 2024 10:11:01 AM Me

Parked at Rite Aid

Jun 02, 2024 10:11:05 AM +13038752587

Weird - well you’re through that!

Jun 02, 2024 10:11:22 AM +13038752587

Cool - once paid you are good

Jun 02, 2024 10:11:27 AM Me

Ok

Jun 02, 2024 10:11:53 AM Me

Not gonna I’m not driving away until I have screen capture confirmations in my photo library so I could show an officer if need be

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Jun 02, 2024 10:13:04 AM Me

This cash I’m using is the thousand I had from my last invoice so once I have all this shit paid I’m back to Ground Zero. Or I should say wallet zero.

Jun 02, 2024 10:13:23 AM Me

I’ve coined a new term

Jun 02, 2024 10:13:34 AM Me

Wallet Zero

Jun 02, 2024 10:13:59 AM Me

Funzalo

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Jun 02, 2024 10:16:33 AM Me

It’s the first Sunday of the month and that means dart tournament. The next one is it until July and I don’t even know if I’ll be here then.

Jun 02, 2024 10:20:58 AM Me

Jun 02, 2024 10:31:08 AM Me

I just paid to put the money on the card, I just paid the ticket plus some processing fee and now they want to hit me with another processing fee on top of the fucking late fee and I am. I’m fucking not even a dollar short.

Jun 02, 2024 10:31:43 AM Me

I tried to process the card and it rejected it and I nearly shit my pants because I just walked in there and put 500 fucking dollars on the card and I’m $.50 short to pay my registration and I gotta go in there now and pay five bucks to put $.50 on my card that I don’t want

Jun 02, 2024 10:31:50 AM Me

😡😡😡

Jun 02, 2024 10:32:19 AM Me

Nothing goes smoothly

Jun 02, 2024 10:32:45 AM Me

So I guess I walk back into Rite Aid and pay five bucks to put like 10 bucks on the card otherwise I can’t pay my registration. I’m gonna sit here in the fucking parking lot all day.

Jun 02, 2024 10:34:55 AM Me

Venmo refuses to allow me to transfer my dollar 76 to my 400 and something so I can pay my registration. I think it’s because it’s less than 10 bucks. I have no idea. Trying to solve my own problem here and again more shit getting in the way.

Jun 02, 2024 10:35:19 AM Me

Realize I better shut the card off before like Apple comes in and takes 50 bucks or Adobe

Jun 02, 2024 10:37:23 AM Me

Was Able to turn off the card still saw my $420 there. I just looked on DoorDash and somehow there was a half an hour hour of dashing available from 1130 to 12 so if I’m lucky I can make 10 bucks and do all this, but that means driving around without my registration paid in order to pay it Simultaneously, that is the time when my mom is having breakfast with Aidan and Declan and Darragh and your mom. My last chance to see them all together. However, it’s my life. I’m between a rock and a hard place and I just got a fucking do what I Gotta do.

Jun 02, 2024 10:38:02 AM Me

| I’m going to stay parked here for the next two hours until I can DoorDash. Period fortunately I’m close to Starbucks and McDonald’s so hopefully I can get an order really quick and make enough money.
Edited 12 seconds later | I’m going to stay parked here for the next two hours until I can DoorDash. fortunately I’m close to Starbucks and McDonald’s so hopefully I can get an order really quick and make enough money.

Jun 02, 2024 10:38:43 AM Me

Like it’s not even 10 AM and my day has already been stressful

Jun 02, 2024 10:40:05 AM Me

I hate feeling like I get fucked in the ass every time I try to do the right thing

Jun 02, 2024 10:42:27 AM Me

This has been a very hard week of treading, water and swallowing a lot of water and nearly feeling like I’m gonna drown

Jun 02, 2024 10:47:49 AM Me

One step forward, three steps back kind of week

Jun 02, 2024 11:00:42 AM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

How much do you need in your Venmo account to pay registration

Jun 02, 2024 11:03:36 AM Me

I believe 10 or 20

Jun 02, 2024 11:03:46 AM Me

Let me try again

Jun 02, 2024 11:05:12 AM Me

I’m trying one more thing I’m gonna re-add the card and see if that helps. Maybe it’s a technical piece of crap.

Jun 02, 2024 11:12:12 AM Me

OK, it didn’t work but the information I found on the Internet said it should. It’s asking me to remove the card and add it back in but it won’t let me add it in. So I guess if you put 10 or 20 bucks there I can keep trying until I make it work. I know my mom and your mom are meeting everybody for breakfast in about 20 minutes so, then an hour from DoorDash so yeah

Jun 02, 2024 11:13:45 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

20 sent - go have breakfast with everybody

Jun 02, 2024 11:14:32 AM (Read by you after 41 seconds) +13038752587

Have them pick you up

Jun 02, 2024 11:15:11 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Unless you’re able to get the registration paid with what o just sent

Jun 02, 2024 11:15:27 AM Me

Jun 02, 2024 11:15:45 AM Me

Going to restart my phone and try everything all over again

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Jun 02, 2024 11:16:14 AM Me

i’m tempted to just walk into Rite Aid and spend five bucks to put five bucks on the fucking card

Jun 02, 2024 11:16:30 AM +13038752587

That’s an option

Jun 02, 2024 11:16:32 AM Me

My head hurts

Jun 02, 2024 11:16:37 AM +13038752587

Get something you need

Jun 02, 2024 11:17:43 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

If you spend 5 you will need to put 15 on the card to be sure ther is enough on it

Jun 02, 2024 11:18:36 AM +13038752587 unsent a message.

Jun 02, 2024 11:21:57 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

If that does not work - take a break from it - have them pick u up for breakfast and do it after

Jun 02, 2024 11:22:23 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Be sure to turn the card off before breakfast

Jun 02, 2024 11:25:24 AM Me

Ok

Jun 02, 2024 11:25:43 AM Me

Just ready for day to be over

Jun 02, 2024 11:37:42 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

I know how frustrating it is to juggle bills with low finances and have shit 💩 complicate the process. Deep breath 😮‍💨 it will be all good.

Jun 02, 2024 11:37:55 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Send a pic from breakfast

Jun 02, 2024 11:46:28 AM Me

Ok

Jun 02, 2024 11:47:23 AM Me

After about 20 minutes and five different ways of trying to pay, I was able to do a bank transfer via account number from DMV to my DoorDash card. It actually charged me no fees doing it that way so that eight dollars wasn’t even taken so yeah I’m sorry that all of that happened and I, all that stress out at you

Jun 02, 2024 11:47:38 AM Me

I’m in the car and driving over to breakfast right now

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Jun 02, 2024 11:58:40 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 02, 2024 1:43:13 PM Me

Power on my phone has been out for well over an hour and just came back on. First question did you get the picture from my mom?

Jun 02, 2024 1:43:56 PM Me

Second question which is a bit more urgent there is a dark tournament the first Sunday of the month buy in tournament that only happens once a month and I missed last month. Is it wrong of me to want to go to this?

Jun 02, 2024 1:57:15 PM +13038752587

Yes

Jun 02, 2024 1:57:59 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

No - when is the tourney

Jun 02, 2024 2:07:33 PM Me

I actually just left the hotel after talking with them. They’re spending the afternoon packing their crap up so by dinner time they can just relax for the rest of the evening. My parents takeoff at 7 AM tomorrow and I need to get your mom to the airport in Santa Barbara by 1230.

Jun 02, 2024 2:08:09 PM Me

They told me to go play and I’ll get Don about somewhere between five and six and I plan to go back to the hotel and I think we will all end up at dinner tonight

Jun 02, 2024 2:11:05 PM Me

I’m hoping to turn my 10 bucks into 40 or 50 depending on how many people show up. That usually determines the size of the pot. This past couple weeks I’ve made a couple of adjustments to my approach and my hold and my release. Lots of changes, but when practicing and darts are flowing, I’m hitting whatever I focus on

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Jun 02, 2024 6:32:43 PM Me

Won $60

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Jun 02, 2024 6:32:49 PM Me

And won the day

Jun 03, 2024 8:14:17 AM Me

👋

Jun 03, 2024 8:16:25 AM Me

How are you?

Jun 03, 2024 8:25:06 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Tired. Awake 26 hrs. About to go sleep

Jun 03, 2024 8:25:55 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

What time does the train depart?

Jun 03, 2024 8:35:46 AM ⇲ Me

Parents left. There train leaves at 9:30

Jun 03, 2024 8:36:08 AM ⇲ Me

Taking your mom to Santa Barbara for 12:30 arrival

Jun 03, 2024 8:26:15 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Meme 12:30 - yes?

Jun 03, 2024 8:35:46 AM ⇱ Me

Parents left. There train leaves at 9:30
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2024 8:36:08 AM ⇱ Me

Taking your mom to Santa Barbara for 12:30 arrival
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2024 8:36:22 AM Me

Her plane is 2:45

Jun 03, 2024 8:37:03 AM Me

Today feels weird and different

Jun 03, 2024 8:37:10 AM Me

Not bad weird

Jun 03, 2024 8:46:19 AM Me

I’ll leave here just before 11:30am with your mom headed to Santa Barbara

Jun 03, 2024 8:46:55 AM Me

Need to brainstorm on how I can make $$$ for car payment

Jun 03, 2024 8:47:27 AM Me

And send out more applications today

Jun 03, 2024 8:57:10 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes) +13038752587

How much do you have? How much is the payment

Jun 03, 2024 9:38:22 AM ⇲ Me

Have 150, payment 440

Jun 03, 2024 9:38:32 AM ⇲ Me

290 diff

Jun 03, 2024 8:58:44 AM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Check linked in - I sent you a messsage.

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Jun 03, 2024 9:35:31 AM Me

Showering now. At hotel 🏨 with your mom.

Jun 03, 2024 9:38:22 AM ⇱ Me

Have 150, payment 440
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2024 9:38:32 AM ⇱ Me

290 diff
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2024 3:41:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://heatherbcooper.substack.com/p/generate-an-e-book-in-minutes-with

Jun 03, 2024 5:23:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I may stay in Ventura tonight since I need to be down here in the morning.

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Jun 03, 2024 5:57:21 PM Me

I can do our 9am meeting and then go to the help center thing. Then head back to Ojai once I know what’s up with everything

Jun 03, 2024 5:59:07 PM Me

Think I’ll go to Poseidon brewery to practice darts tonight

Jun 03, 2024 5:59:50 PM Me

Stay for maybe a beer and then go park and chill for the night

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Jun 03, 2024 7:01:24 PM ⇲ Me

Unfortunately they’re closed today.

Jun 03, 2024 7:01:48 PM ⇲ Me

I’m chilling at the beach Front row

Jun 03, 2024 6:23:20 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 03, 2024 7:01:24 PM ⇱ Me

Unfortunately they’re closed today.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2024 7:01:48 PM ⇱ Me

I’m chilling at the beach Front row
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 03, 2024 7:03:03 PM Me

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Jun 03, 2024 7:05:33 PM Me

Jun 03, 2024 7:21:54 PM Me

You’ll see them in my vodkas

Jun 03, 2024 7:22:00 PM Me

Vodcast

Jun 03, 2024 11:41:25 PM Me

I just got done on the computer at 2011. I am parked in Ventura however, in the last hour, I have felt wave of sickness come over my body. It’s I feel extremely tired and I feel that cold achy fever feeling.

Jun 03, 2024 11:46:02 PM Me

I will let you know how I feel when I wake up. At the very least, I can check in at the beginning of the meeting. I do introductions and then maybe I could let you guys talk and just listen. I’m not sure if my parents brought a bug with them or Cut something from all the meals and things and just I’ve done more interacting with things outside by typical bubble paragraph One thing I am noticing while I was walking at the beach tonight it’s catching the eyes of cute women however I am still trying to work on keeping a friendly look rather than the feeling I have now which is rooted in feeling inadequate and not enough. We can trace that back to report cards since the beginning of school. You know that I’ve told you my report cards were never good enough even I would have, I would have one C or two sees on a five grades. Everything else is in bees and he would be bonkers. I can’t even imagine if I had AI when I was 14 1315 somewhere in there. Being able to ask you questions to help me understand things that I have trouble with, namely mathematics. OK this is one long audio recording. I am sorry this is a monster text. I am off to sleep and I’ll talk to you in the morning and text you my status when I open my eyes

Jun 04, 2024 8:01:07 AM Me

?

Jun 04, 2024 8:01:22 AM Me

Not sure phone is working

Jun 04, 2024 8:10:23 AM Me

Phone is weird today

Jun 04, 2024 8:35:13 AM Me

Restarted phone multiple times and it still will not connect to the web

Jun 04, 2024 8:35:30 AM Me

Won’t connect to DoorDash

Jun 04, 2024 8:51:19 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Here - getting kids ready for the day

Jun 04, 2024 9:10:13 AM Me

Cool

Jun 04, 2024 10:00:37 AM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Who’s hosting the meet

Jun 04, 2024 10:00:42 AM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

I’m here

Jun 04, 2024 10:59:59 AM Me

Cool

Jun 04, 2024 11:00:02 AM Me

That was good

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Jun 04, 2024 11:00:32 AM Me

I need to shift gears and head over to this thing to see what’s up

Jun 04, 2024 11:00:51 AM Me

Once I’m done there going to head back to Ojai. Probably Starbucks

Jun 04, 2024 11:01:24 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Definitely- let me know what you learn and hopefully get some benefits

Jun 04, 2024 11:02:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok

Jun 04, 2024 11:02:45 AM Me

Will do

Jun 04, 2024 11:45:16 AM Me

The line to get in was about 75 people deep. What’s the there for about 10 to 15 minutes in the line moved two people. And it appeared to be more for people dealing with immediate chronic issues like wounds, etc. I’m gonna have to figure out a different way to figure all this out. Standing in line staring at the ground for an hour and a half is not really a good use of my time when I feel OK right now.

Jun 04, 2024 12:27:13 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

If it yields $250 in snap and Medicaid it might be time well spent.

Jun 04, 2024 12:28:16 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Are you still there or did you leave?

Jun 04, 2024 12:55:03 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I left long ago

Jun 04, 2024 12:55:22 PM Me

😞

Jun 04, 2024 12:55:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

JOSEPH MAHONEY, Unfortunately, the payment to your auto loan ending in 1795 on May 18, 2024, for $433.70 wasn’t posted to your account because of a problem with your payment account.

Jun 04, 2024 12:55:53 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I have to figure out how to pay this and do it again in 2 weeks. Damn

Jun 04, 2024 2:26:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

In Colorado, we can call or text for assistance. Still takes time but at least it’s virtual

Jun 04, 2024 2:26:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Refresh me on expenses

Jun 04, 2024 2:30:37 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 54 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

So, I can best help, send me your monthly expenses

Jun 04, 2024 2:30:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 54 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Email please

Jun 04, 2024 4:25:02 PM Me

Ok

Jun 04, 2024 5:08:25 PM Me

Have bad energy now

Jun 04, 2024 5:08:31 PM Me

Ugh

Jun 04, 2024 5:08:45 PM Me

Ride the wave 🌊 Here we go

Jun 04, 2024 5:18:07 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Your a pro surfer 🏄‍♂️ You got this!

Jun 04, 2024 5:35:40 PM Me

I see Liz while dashing

Jun 04, 2024 5:36:05 PM Me

I’m tired dude

Jun 04, 2024 5:37:17 PM Me

And having a really hard time

Jun 04, 2024 5:40:19 PM Me

I can’t get over the fact that Liz honored nothing she said to me Her vows Her ask for space and time then talk I can’t accept this when I don’t understand why. She made no effort to make it work. None.

Jun 04, 2024 5:53:17 PM Me

I’m in this weird headspace where I feel energy to do something, at the same time I don’t want to do anything, and there’s another part of me that’s beating myself up for not doing anything

Jun 04, 2024 5:57:24 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Meditate 🧘

Jun 04, 2024 5:57:49 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Then see where you are at.

Jun 04, 2024 6:03:30 PM Me

Right I’m busy writing your email

Jun 04, 2024 7:39:53 PM Me

$35 dash 2.5 hours

Jun 04, 2024 7:41:12 PM Me

There was a 5:30 AM to 6:30 AM slot and I discovered picking up an order from the market yesterday that they open at 5 AM for grocery orders so I’ll see what an hour early in the morning is like

Jun 04, 2024 7:41:21 PM Me

See if there’s any money worth getting up for

Jun 04, 2024 8:36:44 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Hmm 🤔 let me know

Jun 04, 2024 9:51:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Take look when you can.

Jun 04, 2024 9:51:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://bertm18.sg-host.com/

Jun 04, 2024 10:23:25 PM Me

https://gamehaschangedevent.com/save-my-spot

Jun 05, 2024 11:17:23 AM Me

It struck me this morning, that my entire married life was lived on that campus. It’s difficult to not feel attached to the place in some way, and breaking my connection has wrought havoc with both my conscience and my subconscious in more ways than I’ve already understood and underestimated. Living in this liminal space literally and figuratively has stifled my ability to step out and beyond to establish myself independently. Until I’m able to plant 🌱 new roots I’ll maintain awareness

Jun 05, 2024 11:18:08 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Great insight

Jun 05, 2024 11:18:50 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Are you dashing? Did you do the 5am one?

Jun 05, 2024 11:25:26 AM Me

Yeah. I did 5:30-6:30 am. Stayed in my sleeping bag. Didnt get an order and slept until 8am which is SUPER late for me.

Jun 05, 2024 11:26:25 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

$15 for being on call. Not bad 😀

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Jun 05, 2024 11:26:42 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Are dashing more today?

Jun 05, 2024 11:26:55 AM Me

No. None on the calendar.

Jun 05, 2024 11:27:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Today I get to push on the client project, the app, and get ready for my JSC meeting tomorrow

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Jun 05, 2024 11:27:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I made some progress on the setup of the GroupX site

Jun 05, 2024 11:27:52 AM Me

Have two different text scrollers going here:

Jun 05, 2024 11:27:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://bertm18.sg-host.com/

Jun 05, 2024 11:28:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Need to get the woman’s text to white

Jun 05, 2024 11:28:26 AM Me

I have multiple hero images stacked if you scroll down. Trying different ideas

Jun 05, 2024 11:28:34 AM Me

One with text embedded in the image

Jun 05, 2024 11:28:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dude with hands on face is perfect

Jun 05, 2024 11:29:00 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No group x - clarify for me. Are ideal client is an early stage startup whose needs help getting to an mvp?

Jun 05, 2024 11:29:09 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

*our

Jun 05, 2024 11:31:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I believe we have multiple types of clients. Early stage is one. Established companies who dont have in house software people, or they do, but staff is small. —these orgs need help getting work done. Either supplementing staff, or doing the whole project

Jun 05, 2024 11:32:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So small biz, looking to grow to medium size, and medium size needing supplementation to go big

Jun 05, 2024 11:32:17 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - who do we target first

Jun 05, 2024 11:32:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Who has the resources to pay our fee

Jun 05, 2024 11:32:40 AM Me

By small biz I mean greater than 100 employees — they have a budget and a focus

Jun 05, 2024 11:33:24 AM Me

I have all the Bureau of labor statistics websites. If I could create the right prompt AI could scan that data and tell me what I want to know.

Jun 05, 2024 11:33:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

But I dont know what to ask it in this realm

Jun 05, 2024 11:34:03 AM Me

It’s a business / marketing question. Look at data, do x, then y, and tell me z

Jun 05, 2024 11:34:08 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ask AI to help you know what to prompt

Jun 05, 2024 11:34:15 AM Me

Haha

Jun 05, 2024 11:35:01 AM Me

OH, and I need to email you expenses. Going to do that first

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Jun 05, 2024 11:36:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Are you awake during the day today, or going vampire

Jun 05, 2024 11:36:07 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Cool do that and then we can pick up here

Jun 05, 2024 11:36:25 AM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

Awake 24 hrs to day,

Jun 05, 2024 11:37:08 AM ⇲ Me

😶‍🌫️

Jun 05, 2024 11:37:08 AM ⇱ Me

😶‍🌫️
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 05, 2024 11:37:17 AM Me

Man of the Ether

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Jun 05, 2024 11:38:05 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Tomorrow morning sleep, night at hotel Thursday too then a Friday interview at bonfire coffee - day shift opportunity.

Jun 05, 2024 11:38:25 AM ⇲ Me

Psyched to hear about coffee opportunity

Jun 05, 2024 11:38:07 AM Me

were you up all night>?

Jun 05, 2024 11:38:25 AM ⇱ Me

Psyched to hear about coffee opportunity
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 05, 2024 11:38:26 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Not last night

Jun 05, 2024 11:38:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Jun 05, 2024 11:38:39 AM Me

Getting to that email now

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Jun 05, 2024 11:39:07 AM Me

I’ll ping you to look at things during the day, mine, the clients, or groupX stuff

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Jun 05, 2024 12:05:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, just emailed you link to google spreadsheet containing the current info.

Jun 05, 2024 1:05:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola, here is the discord server address DJ shared with me:

Jun 05, 2024 1:05:46 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Discord

Jun 05, 2024 1:14:07 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

😎

Jun 05, 2024 2:16:05 PM Me

Not having a home, or a place I can sleep that is the same and is dependable, is taking a toll on me. So many things pulling on my brain and attention that are related to the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid. Until I can get my basic needs locked in, nothing else feels possible. I feel like I took a wrong turn somewhere 😟

Jun 05, 2024 2:18:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You have entered the Twilight Zone

Jun 05, 2024 2:18:09 PM Me

Part of the reason I easily drop into dire straights mode and feel ready to check out. of course I’m assuming that having those needs taken care of and solidified will somehow make the darkness go away

Jun 05, 2024 2:18:19 PM Me

It won’t

Jun 05, 2024 2:18:40 PM Me

might not feel as intense, but it will be there. I’m just SO FUCKING TIRED of this

Jun 05, 2024 2:18:52 PM +13038752587

What you are saying makes sense? Let’s research getting you medicaid

Jun 05, 2024 2:19:18 PM +13038752587

What’s the progress - did you file with the state?

Jun 05, 2024 2:21:31 PM Me

Insightful realization that I could go get treatment, and not have to worry about things if I do in-patient for a month, but when I come back out, I go right back to this. Dependable source of income, not solved. Homelessness, not solved. Buried in debt not solved.

Jun 05, 2024 2:21:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No, you don’t

Jun 05, 2024 2:21:51 PM Me

I walk right back into the stressors

Jun 05, 2024 2:22:05 PM +13038752587

You will be in a completely different mindset

Jun 05, 2024 2:23:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Might be true, but the situation is still there. Back into this life will be triggering. No one is infallible to the triggers. Yes, I may not go full depression, but I’m going to have to reckon with it every day like now. I can deal with the depression. I can’t deal with the basic needs not being met for this long and ongoing for as far as I can see

Jun 05, 2024 2:23:23 PM +13038752587

Also, step by step. Get mind healthy is the first step.

Jun 05, 2024 2:23:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Might be true, but the situation is still there. Back into this life will be triggering. No one is infallible to the triggers. Yes, I may not go full depression, but I’m going to have to reckon with it every day like now. I can deal with the depression. I can’t deal with the basic needs not being met for this long and ongoing for as far as I can see
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Jun 05, 2024 2:24:37 PM Me

The depression feels nice compared to the crush of no job no money

Jun 05, 2024 2:25:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no house, no life.

Jun 05, 2024 2:25:13 PM +13038752587

Depending on the program - you may be able to pursue both at the same time

Jun 05, 2024 2:25:52 PM Me

I was thinking about it again the other day and its going to take me time to get back into normal life.

Jun 05, 2024 2:25:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Even when brain is okl.

Jun 05, 2024 2:26:02 PM Me

Ok

Jun 05, 2024 2:27:26 PM Me

Anyhow, going to go into software and get lost in dragging lines all over the place.

Jun 05, 2024 2:27:32 PM +13038752587

Possibly - I don’t know - perhaps, things snap into place, perhaps it takes some time. I do know that everything will look differently when you have depression in check or better yet conquered.

Jun 05, 2024 2:27:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its hard to focus on work when so many other things aren’t ok.

Jun 05, 2024 2:28:00 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wait - tell me where you are with assistance from the state?

Jun 05, 2024 2:30:10 PM Me

I have to pick mail from the house today. Declan texted me to let me know. Its likely to be CC companies screaming for their money, but I hope its something about how to go about getting care. BTW, there is no way the state will pay for what I want. Besides they will want to run me through 2 different medications and find them to not work. That I know is the protocol. So even if I do get care, I doubt I’ll get that covered, or if they do cover it, I’ll have to wait even longer. So my hopes are not up on this.

Jun 05, 2024 2:30:58 PM +13038752587

Perhaps, but it will be a relief to know they will help with food and medical

Jun 05, 2024 2:31:10 PM Me

I’m sure if you pay full price out of pocket you can do it.

Jun 05, 2024 2:31:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The eternal pessimist filter

Jun 05, 2024 2:32:11 PM Me

Somedays, and sometimes, I want to give up on everything. I know one foot in front of the other, but this feels different than achieving a bucket list item

Jun 05, 2024 2:32:12 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

We will find a way

Jun 05, 2024 2:32:55 PM Me

I have to think about a way to describe this to neurotypicals

Jun 05, 2024 2:33:33 PM Me

Neurotypicals think depression is a bad episode of sadness hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Jun 05, 2024 2:33:50 PM +13038752587

True most likely

Jun 05, 2024 2:33:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hehe

Jun 05, 2024 2:33:58 PM Me

I’d love to drop people in my head for 5 minutes

Jun 05, 2024 2:34:08 PM Me

GTFO would be all you’d hear

Jun 05, 2024 2:36:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Here is my take - your mind is FUCKED UP and communicating that to anyone is a waste of time unless they are professionals or have/had to deal with it too. SOOOOOO, let’s work on getting you mind UNFUCKED!

Jun 05, 2024 2:37:31 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 13 seconds) +13038752587

1. Have you talked to medicine provider about the three options - ketamine, her medication and psilocybin

Jun 05, 2024 2:39:17 PM ⇲ Me

Yes. She suggested that nose spray I shared previously.

Jun 05, 2024 2:37:55 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

2. Have you talked with your therapist about said three paths?

Jun 05, 2024 2:39:26 PM ⇲ Me

Have not.

Jun 05, 2024 2:39:17 PM ⇱ Me

Yes. She suggested that nose spray I shared previously.
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Jun 05, 2024 2:39:26 PM ⇱ Me

Have not.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 05, 2024 2:39:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What is the nose spray?

Jun 05, 2024 2:39:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Just saw this,

Jun 05, 2024 2:40:08 PM Me

Only thing is, Not sure I have 15 more years

Jun 05, 2024 2:40:30 PM Me

And honestly I’m too fucking tired to wait that long

Jun 05, 2024 2:40:53 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You ahead of this curve - I suspect 1-3 years

Jun 05, 2024 2:40:55 PM Me

Make that months instead of years and I would consider it

Jun 05, 2024 2:41:38 PM +13038752587

To get to the promise land 😊

Jun 05, 2024 2:42:16 PM Me

I mean suicidal ideation is a frequent visitor. Honest share. I dont share when that happens all the time. Only when it fucking with me super hard.

Jun 05, 2024 2:42:49 PM Me

Fucked up to think how many times I’ve considered it over my entire life

Jun 05, 2024 2:43:17 PM Me

16 was earliest, and I nearly did it. Just needed to take one step and done.

Jun 05, 2024 2:43:51 PM Me

Anyhow, I’ve been in Starbucks for 5 hours now.

Jun 05, 2024 2:43:58 PM Me

Feel like I need a break

Jun 05, 2024 2:44:13 PM +13038752587

Ar you. In Ojai

Jun 05, 2024 2:44:19 PM Me

yeah

Jun 05, 2024 2:44:28 PM +13038752587

Go for a hike

Jun 05, 2024 2:44:38 PM +13038752587

Breathe in the mountain air

Jun 05, 2024 2:45:03 PM Me

its in the 80s now after parents left. Feels really hot outside. I would be a complete schvitz it I did that

Jun 05, 2024 2:45:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I dont have shower access. So its baby wipe showers

Jun 05, 2024 2:46:01 PM +13038752587

Not that you can bathe fully - but are there shower by the beach?

Jun 05, 2024 2:46:24 PM Me

Yeah, I lknow where they are.

Jun 05, 2024 2:46:33 PM Me

I used to see them clearly from Jenica’s view

Jun 05, 2024 2:47:15 PM +13038752587

Cool, hike, dip in ocean, shower

Jun 05, 2024 2:47:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not a bad idea. Costs battery. So there is a trade odd

Jun 05, 2024 2:47:44 PM Me

Off

Jun 05, 2024 2:48:10 PM +13038752587

- you can dash for cash tomorrow

Jun 05, 2024 2:48:15 PM Me

Ocean is freezing as well, 50s

Jun 05, 2024 2:48:38 PM Me

But Ventura would be good. Even just being at surfers point is nice

Jun 05, 2024 2:48:40 PM +13038752587

Awesome - cold plunch - it will be invorgating

Jun 05, 2024 2:49:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Sweet - you have a plan 😊

Jun 05, 2024 2:49:18 PM +13038752587

Now put it into action

Jun 05, 2024 2:49:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Haha

Jun 05, 2024 2:49:41 PM Me

actually thinking of Ventura for tomorrow afternoon.

Jun 05, 2024 2:49:59 PM Me

Then go practice darts at the bar where I play on Thursdays.

Jun 05, 2024 2:50:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Except season is over. Practicing for end of dart year tournament on the 22nd — one of the only things holding me here.

Jun 05, 2024 2:51:05 PM +13038752587

That’s all it takes -

Jun 05, 2024 3:02:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, changing locations. But staying in Ojai. Nee dot change up location and what I’m doing.

Jun 05, 2024 3:54:46 PM Me

Hola, a guy inside the slack JSC shared a spreadsheet with ALOT of freelance websites. I’ll share the link in a moment. Making a copy.

Jun 05, 2024 3:55:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

114 of them

Jun 05, 2024 3:56:44 PM Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fspreadsheets%2Fd%2F18NYcigKBRWMaJMwSCW0mGPjPq_QZChtIMbaF3BFADcc%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&followup=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fspreadsheets%2Fd%2F18NYcigKBRWMaJMwSCW0mGPjPq_QZChtIMbaF3BFADcc%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&ifkv=AS5LTAQ3XsaKcqtbznlDXVSt0DXJdPsiTjp7tVgNmWVxi735m9DmkJWf1RP1T2QCaQHLPSYvHt8x<mpl=sheets&osid=1&passive=1209600&service=wise&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S-1593207100%3A1717624602158095

Jun 05, 2024 3:59:02 PM Me

Going to look through them later, but wanted to share now while it was fresh

Jun 05, 2024 4:17:57 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Cool

Jun 05, 2024 4:18:25 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

On your expenses how much for food?

Jun 05, 2024 4:18:57 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Monthly car power

Jun 05, 2024 4:21:13 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Meds?

Jun 05, 2024 5:33:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Food, $300 month Car Power $80 month Meds $80 every 3 months

Jun 05, 2024 5:35:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OK, just tighten up some things on my site. Had AI review the UX and make a task list for me. Dont want to get caught with something under the hood not in working order. At my level, if I were hiring, I would look for that in a candidate. If they do that, they know their shit, and they CARE.

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Jun 05, 2024 5:37:20 PM Me

“I want to make beautiful things, even if nobody cares.” ― Saul Bass

Jun 05, 2024 5:37:59 PM Me

That’s why I keep tweaking. And yes there is an end to it, but right now I have a list. 😊

Jun 05, 2024 5:39:09 PM Me

Ok, changing locations again. Going back to Starbucks for an hour on another project and then calling it a day.

Jun 05, 2024 6:53:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

At Starbucks. Time for some LCD Soundsystem and in the next hour I’ll finish the framework of the new Group X home / landing / page for us to look at and begin filling out content, sharing with close ppl and getting some feedback and then actually promoting it.

Jun 05, 2024 7:17:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

applied here:

Jun 05, 2024 7:17:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://talent.andela.com/

Jun 05, 2024 7:17:51 PM Me

And here:

Jun 05, 2024 7:17:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Business Talent Group

Jun 05, 2024 8:34:38 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Check my site on laptop and mobile. Made lots of spacing and slight animation tweaks.

Jun 05, 2024 8:35:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Still want to explore parallax storytelling. When done well you can’t not get sucked in.

Jun 06, 2024 8:54:22 AM Me

Hey

Jun 06, 2024 8:59:47 AM Me

Just saying good morning

Jun 06, 2024 10:21:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just received unsolicited commentary from a woman who walks into Starbucks frequently to get coffee in the mornings. She happened to walk in not more than 5 mins ago, I’m sitting to the right immediately after you walk in the door. She opens the door steps in and glances right, I happened to look up because I wasn’t deep into something. I see and recognize her, like I said she comes here a lot. I slightly smile at her because I know her visually. The slight smile must have been a signal to say something to me. She stops dead in her tracks, looks at me and says “do you ever leave here?” I chuckle and say yes I do, I’m using wifi and working. She just looks at me and says “different world” and walks over to the counter to get her coffee. On her return I catch her attention because I want to share that I never see some of the Starbucks staff leave. She replies, “but yeah, they’re getting paid to be here. Different world.” And before I could retort she stepped through the door and gone. I wanted to share that I’m getting paid too, but then thought wait not really. And it induced a massive self-reflective trigger and I started to get incredibly self conscious, started to feel the loser vibe, and demeaning myself for being unsuccessful and lost. And now I sit here typing this feeling compelled to share it. Why? I think because I want to know if I’m being paranoid and delusional. If being in Starbucks all day working makes me a weirdo — when we all know I’ve been a weirdo long before. Haha. Anyhow. Not sure what to make of it all. Am I looking for meaning where there is none? Am I wanting to fall into a morning mind-trap (like a bear trap on your leg) holding you in a mind-space that fucks with you in some manner — anxiety, depression, malaise, melancholy, whatever — it has you in its grip, the harder you fight the more it hurts? Is that what I’m up to?

Jun 06, 2024 10:21:55 AM Me

Another mind fuck from my past came forward the other day and its relevancy, to me, is prescient.

Jun 06, 2024 10:30:31 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I remembered how much my father harped on me when I started spending time breakdancing all the time. The ever-present refrain was “why are you wasting your time with dancing, you’ll never make any money doing that.” I head that many, many times when I was early mid-teens looking for self identity and finding something creative, expressive, and fun that I felt good enough at to do in public. For me to do anything in front of other people, or to share myself is something I can do, however my internal standards are set to sky high levels until that’s achieved and the mind is ready to go, does the share happen. I’m incredibly resistant to people who want me to dance like a monkey — hey bert do some dancing for us! …. uh, no. The other comment in the same line of thinking came when I was in college. I entered as a 3-2 Engineering major, getting 2 degrees in five years, one being in engineering. FIrst semester of college nearly knocked me out of it. Took art and found a rabbit hole I wanted to go down and declared an art major. When that happened and my father became aware that I was no longer living my life in accordance to his plans and agenda. His criticism was sharp and to the point — you’ll never make money doing art, you’ll be broke. And weirdly in this moment I realize that I made that dream of his come true. I am an artist of sorts and I am broke, living the dream. Wow, what a mind fuck.

Jun 06, 2024 10:35:16 AM Me

Now before you get on your cheerleader horse and start telling me it’s time to live my dream and fuck his comments. I wish it was that easy. If it was I wouldn’t be where I am. I wouldn’t have made every choice in my life out of fear and making people either unhappy, or not like me. I mean I’m still stinging from his first comments to me when I picked him up on his arrival last week. Wow, only up 90 mins and already a heavy mental load…

Jun 06, 2024 10:35:25 AM Me

Every day I go next level.

Jun 06, 2024 10:36:43 AM Me

“I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me...” Certainly identify and feel that lyric deeply — I need it on a t-shirt.

Jun 06, 2024 10:37:56 AM Me

Ok, time to push pixels, check email, get rejected, feel like shit some more, find other things to apply for, apply so I feel like I did something. Then work on client project, group_x, and then my art projects.

Jun 06, 2024 10:39:14 AM Me

Find a place to park for the night, watch YouTube, go to sleep, wakeup and do this again. The fact I’m doing it at Starbucks is no matter. I’d be going through the same mind stuff no matter the location.

Jun 06, 2024 12:23:06 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 15 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

Just done with JSC call. Everyone is feeling it. All in the dip, the low part, of the cycle. The whole experience is cyclic.

Jun 06, 2024 12:23:15 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 14 minutes, 56 seconds) Me

Sine wave

Jun 06, 2024 12:29:39 PM (Read by them after 3 hours, 8 minutes, 32 seconds) Me

Oy, gut punch

Jun 06, 2024 12:42:07 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 56 minutes, 13 seconds) Me

Good stuff here:

Jun 06, 2024 12:42:09 PM (Read by them after 2 hours, 56 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/mattgray1_im-34-when-i-was-younger-i-battled-to-activity-7204092847967322112-ZuiK

Jun 06, 2024 2:43:20 PM Me

Hey dude, I posted an update on the beta site for group X. I put the link on discord. I am taking a food break then going to work for two more hours then I think I’m gonna head to Ventura and play darts at Poseidon brewing because the set ups are nice, otherwise not much else going on. I mentally fried. Had an hour plus job search council meeting today and three out of four of us aren’t doing great which one of them is me one of us the leader of our group is actually on the cusp of landing something so exciting for him. OK text later if you want. Talk to you later.

Jun 06, 2024 2:54:35 PM Me

Just had a wild experience at a red light light turned green. Everybody in front of me moved. I press the accelerator and a kid on a skateboard materializes on my right front bumper and proceeds to go across the front of my car while I slam on the brakes and then yell what the fuck out the window.

Jun 06, 2024 2:58:13 PM Me

Dude, I’m crying right now because I missed a phone call from a recruiter on May 15 for something I applied for it was with Deloitte and they needed a UXUI person. I just called her back to let her know that I am still available and looking, and she confirmed that the position had been filled That’s like a knife in the heart

Jun 06, 2024 2:59:02 PM Me

But then again, I’ve been ghosted by a recruiter. I had a great 15 minute conversation with too. So. Yeah, it’s one of those days.

Jun 06, 2024 3:00:09 PM Me

And paying my car payment is persistently on my mind

Jun 06, 2024 3:01:13 PM Me

OK, I’m parked in the shade on the street somewhere. It’s 80° and kind of warm so I’m gonna chill here eat and maybe try to meditate to get my head back in the right spot. It just sucks to be kind of close but not making headway.

Jun 06, 2024 3:48:12 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes) +13038752587

Wow - big insightful day / lots of material for podcast. I’m just waking up and helping the girls with some things.

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Jun 06, 2024 3:56:09 PM Me

Cleaning out the car at the moment and getting my gear in there for tomorrow. I have many DoorDash is tomorrow. But I may stay in Ventura tonight, it just depends on how I feel after I practice darts. I’ll let you know.

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Jun 06, 2024 5:34:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wow. read this:

Jun 06, 2024 5:34:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Quora

Jun 06, 2024 5:34:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Plausible

Jun 06, 2024 5:34:50 PM Me

I have every symptom to a degree.

Jun 06, 2024 5:57:00 PM Me

Had Tap 9 at VCBC but did not see Jenica. Probably best. Would crush me to see her with another guy. But that’s life

Jun 06, 2024 5:57:34 PM Me

Already had enough nerve jangling for 10x lifetimes

Jun 06, 2024 6:01:39 PM +13038752587

How do you go about getting tested for adhd?

Jun 06, 2024 6:10:36 PM +13038752587

Napping for a bit. Long day tonight/tomorrow. 8:30pm- 11:00am

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Jun 06, 2024 7:26:36 PM Me

Have 🎯 to myself. Nice

Jun 06, 2024 8:40:01 PM Me

Jun 06, 2024 8:56:58 PM ⇲ Me

At Transmission brewing. Took a chance that anyone I know thru hanging with Jenica would be here and nope.

Jun 06, 2024 8:57:53 PM ⇲ Me

End of year party is happening at Thacher right now. I coached but otherwise was persona non grata on campus.

P

Jun 06, 2024 8:56:58 PM ⇱ Me

At Transmission brewing. Took a chance that anyone I know thru hanging with Jenica would be here and nope.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 06, 2024 8:57:53 PM ⇱ Me

End of year party is happening at Thacher right now. I coached but otherwise was persona non grata on campus.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 06, 2024 8:59:32 PM Me

I’m in a place full of people and all alone at Transmission. Which is ok, it’s normal for me to be alone. But there are times when it hurts a lot. Thanksgiving was one. And now When people are socializing after work and a long day.

Jun 06, 2024 9:06:05 PM Me

I’m ready to get the fuck out of this liminal space.

Jun 06, 2024 9:23:23 PM Me

I was texting Liz a lot last week. I expressed a lot. More than she’s comfortable with. I told her that the life I’m living is something I would never wish upon anyone, even people I dislike. Having to live through this experience in its totality and complexity is its own form of living hell. It’s no wonder that people want to check out from the anguish. One feels like it will never go away because of its omnipresence; it’s always there just a matter of how much attention it’s demanding of me on any given day or moment.

Jun 06, 2024 9:24:52 PM Me

I’m ready for something else. If that’s checking out so be it.

Jun 06, 2024 9:25:39 PM +13038752587

Are you getting this out of your head or is the darkness descending?

Jun 06, 2024 9:27:15 PM Me

Not feeling dark

Jun 06, 2024 9:27:34 PM +13038752587

Ok 👌

Jun 06, 2024 9:27:48 PM +13038752587

When do you talk to therapist next?

Jun 06, 2024 9:30:11 PM Me

Been texting all week and last about getting to talk and never happened. It’s okay. I’m getting through the hall of mirrors. It’s slow, but I’m learning more than I know

Jun 06, 2024 9:33:13 PM Me

I have ZERO idea what Im dealing with or living thru looks like from the outside. Care to offer a perspective? It would help me to hear it put into some kind of comparative context. Analogy or metaphor

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Jun 06, 2024 10:35:58 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Are you talking about how you feel Liz didn’t honor her word about talking through things?

Jun 06, 2024 10:50:59 PM ⇲ Me

I guess so, I mean, yes that is going drive me nuts till I go to my grave. And yet she thinks of herself is this very principal person which is totally not fucking true because if she was, she’d sit the fuck down and talk with me.

Jun 06, 2024 10:52:36 PM ⇲ Me

Sorry, I got carried away there for a minute. I guess yes I wanna know in general what it’s like but also maybe what she thinks you might your take on what the fuck she thinks I’m up to like I’m out here having a grand old fucking time every day or that life is great or even OK it’s the worst it’s ever been. And yeah somehow I’m still fucking here sticking around for God knows what fucking reason.

Jun 06, 2024 10:54:14 PM ⇲ Me

I am talking this into the phone so it is a lot of rambling nonsense. I understand that. I really do want to know what other people think. I honestly guess that a lot of people have no fucking idea. It’s because of a combination of my excellent masking abilities And people are just too fucking busy with their own lives to give a shit about what anybody else is doing honestly

Jun 06, 2024 10:59:03 PM ⇲ Me

I just parked for the night. I am right where the 126 and 101 freeways connect. I just stopped at the market. Got a good deal on a package of turkey bag of chips and a bag of granola. Zone on some videos. Let me know your thoughts on the group X website stuff. I would like to run multiple heroes but not right after one another so put that in the back of your head in terms of marketing and tactics

Jun 06, 2024 9:34:13 PM Me

For example, am I making this out to be more than it truly is?

Jun 06, 2024 9:34:29 PM Me

Am I milking it?

Jun 06, 2024 9:34:45 PM Me

Playing for sympathy/empathy?

Jun 06, 2024 9:37:56 PM Me

Here’s where I am. About to leave and go work on my art/podcast. As much as I want an attractive mid 50s hot woman who’s lonely in her beachfront home to suddenly find herself enamored with me, I have a better chance of getting hit by lightning or meeting the Dalai Llama

Jun 06, 2024 9:38:20 PM Me

Jun 06, 2024 9:44:05 PM Me

I’m just angry and fed up being in prison

Jun 06, 2024 9:45:10 PM Me

Ok i’m leaving this brewery. It’s the third one I’ve been to and the third beer I’ve had tonight which is enough for me. Fortunately I don’t have to drive far and I’m not wasted and I’m actually not even buzzed. I’m sleepy.

Jun 06, 2024 9:49:42 PM Me

OK, off to the beach, and maybe some french fries

Jun 06, 2024 10:35:58 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Are you talking about how you feel Liz didn’t honor her word about talking through things?
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Jun 06, 2024 10:36:34 PM Me

Being in the market during this period of time reminds me of all the things I can’t buy and eat. It reminds me I can’t get what I want. Makes me have to compromise. It makes me have to bargain with myself and my wallet. And it’s every day and every time I walk into, any supermarket it’s more acute when I’m with the boys and cannot buy them what they want

Jun 06, 2024 10:50:59 PM ⇱ Me

I guess so, I mean, yes that is going drive me nuts till I go to my grave. And yet she thinks of herself is this very principal person which is totally not fucking true because if she was, she’d sit the fuck down and talk with me.
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Jun 06, 2024 10:52:36 PM ⇱ Me

Sorry, I got carried away there for a minute. I guess yes I wanna know in general what it’s like but also maybe what she thinks you might your take on what the fuck she thinks I’m up to like I’m out here having a grand old fucking time every day or that life is great or even OK it’s the worst it’s ever been. And yeah somehow I’m still fucking here sticking around for God knows what fucking reason.
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Jun 06, 2024 10:54:14 PM ⇱ Me

I am talking this into the phone so it is a lot of rambling nonsense. I understand that. I really do want to know what other people think. I honestly guess that a lot of people have no fucking idea. It’s because of a combination of my excellent masking abilities And people are just too fucking busy with their own lives to give a shit about what anybody else is doing honestly
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Jun 06, 2024 10:59:03 PM ⇱ Me

I just parked for the night. I am right where the 126 and 101 freeways connect. I just stopped at the market. Got a good deal on a package of turkey bag of chips and a bag of granola. Zone on some videos. Let me know your thoughts on the group X website stuff. I would like to run multiple heroes but not right after one another so put that in the back of your head in terms of marketing and tactics
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Jun 06, 2024 11:22:53 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 14 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check it out

Jun 06, 2024 11:34:13 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 2 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Overall - I believe people can’t see beyond their own experience. Meaning if you don’t do what they think they would do given in a situation, it’s challenging for them to comprehend anything outside of their own mind. I believe she is concerned for you. However, she will keep her distance for now. This could be to protect herself emotionally. I believe once you get mentally healthy and “on your feet”, conversations will be possible. I know this has been your goal. And I believe you are close. I believe a focused therapy period with new medications will get you there.

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Jun 07, 2024 7:56:38 AM Me

I need to figure out how to pay my car. I’m a payment behind. I’m going to owe another one in 15 days.

Jun 07, 2024 7:57:59 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok goal $880 in $15 days

Jun 07, 2024 7:58:03 AM +13038752587

Good morning

Jun 07, 2024 7:58:33 AM +13038752587

Let’s break it down

Jun 07, 2024 7:59:16 AM +13038752587

When will your next milestone on project be completed?

Jun 07, 2024 8:00:33 AM +13038752587

So it’s $62.86/day for 14 days

Jun 07, 2024 8:01:53 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

| 4hours/day dashing warns you a min of $60. Can you do that over the next two weeks?
Edited 1 minute, 42 seconds later | 4hours/day dashing earns you a min of $60. Can you do that over the next two weeks?

Jun 07, 2024 8:05:53 AM Me

I got the schedule for the next week is already cemented so I don’t know how many hours I have scheduled this week but I did grab some this morning. I’m driving from Ventura to Ojai right now to DoorDash. I hate my life.

Jun 07, 2024 8:09:07 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

This will pass and very 🔜

Jun 07, 2024 8:06:33 AM Me

I can’t bill the client again until I deliver the prototype and I have a ton of work to do on that

Jun 07, 2024 8:08:43 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok - what is your time frame on completion if prototyping?

Jun 07, 2024 8:11:06 AM ⇲ Me

I’m going to try and get it done within this next week. I had tried to get it done this week but coming off of graduation. It was too hard to get focused on it.

Jun 07, 2024 8:09:07 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

This will pass and very 🔜
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Jun 07, 2024 8:11:06 AM ⇱ Me

I’m going to try and get it done within this next week. I had tried to get it done this week but coming off of graduation. It was too hard to get focused on it.
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Jun 07, 2024 8:12:06 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - what will be the billable invoice

Jun 07, 2024 8:13:22 AM Me

1000

Jun 07, 2024 8:23:43 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Sweet that plus dashing 4hrs/day will create some breathing room

Jun 07, 2024 8:44:44 AM Me

I’m trying, but honestly, I’m so unmotivated to have to fucking bust my ass so hard just to keep my head above the water

Jun 07, 2024 8:45:07 AM Me

I’m just tired, gonna go to sleep and not wake the fuck back up

Jun 07, 2024 8:46:38 AM Me

I don’t think I can give any more than I already am

Jun 07, 2024 8:47:13 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you there - about to go interview in person for bonfire 🔥 position and I’ve been up all night.

Jun 07, 2024 8:47:31 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll check in with you after

Jun 07, 2024 8:54:32 AM Me

You’ll be showing your need for the job through your fatigue 🤣🤣

Jun 07, 2024 8:54:59 AM Me

I just had an interesting shopping trip for DoorDash, Plan B, contraception, and a package of Trojans

Jun 07, 2024 9:49:40 AM Me

Monster headache today

Jun 07, 2024 10:33:06 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Get a monster aspirin 😏

Jun 07, 2024 10:33:50 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Meme has 500mg Tylenols for big headaches

Jun 07, 2024 10:34:14 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Interview went well. Hear back next week.

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Jun 07, 2024 10:34:51 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes) +13038752587

Going to sleep before I hit 20hrs awake. I’ll check in later

Jun 07, 2024 10:43:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Check ur email. Got this from Ben Hardy: Happy Friday, Looking at the past week, where are you seeing yourself show up more powerfully? Just the past week... since June 1st, what are the most important realizations you've had? Looking ahead and finishing Q2- what's the most important results you'll create this month? -Ben

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Jun 07, 2024 10:58:47 AM Me

Followed up with 3 recruiters who reached out today. One of the 3 might be possible. Taking a proficiency test from a site called Andela, andela.com to become part of their talent network.

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Jun 07, 2024 11:49:09 AM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Passed their online assessment and was prompted to setup an interview. Monday at 10am. Earliest I could get.

Jun 07, 2024 1:11:03 PM Me

I’m having a weird day. Have this deep fatigue where I feel like sleeping. I may have had one of those fight club nights sleeping last night. I know I woke up probably three or four times in the middle of the night and not sure why have no memory of any type of dreaming at all in fact the last time I remember, anything dream wise was last summer

Jun 07, 2024 1:12:22 PM Me

And before that, it was well over a year. I think the amount of stress and pressure I feel does not allow for any kind of loose relaxed interpretation or creativity. My creativity is incredibly stifled when I feel like this and I’m in this state of mind I’m just, not the best version of myself. What sad is that I can think across my entire entire lifespan I don’t think I’ve ever been our best version of myself. I’ve always had mental illness as far as I can remember.

Jun 07, 2024 1:32:24 PM Me

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First time I’ve seen the new all electric VW van The 21st-century version

Jun 07, 2024 2:05:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dooooooood. I just stumbled across Trevor Nielsen, a designer with 13 yrs experience killing it online. His website has many things I plan to steal conceptually and functionally.

Jun 07, 2024 2:05:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.trevornielsen.com/

Jun 07, 2024 5:33:06 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Going to create a page like this asap:

Jun 07, 2024 5:33:08 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

TidyCal

Jun 07, 2024 5:58:30 PM Me

3 hours into 4 hour dash. Just got first order for $3. Crap 💩

Jun 08, 2024 10:38:39 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Dude you keep forgetting the min $15/hr. Plus you can be scripting podcast episodes at the same time

Jun 07, 2024 7:03:04 PM Me

Willow in the future

Jun 07, 2024 7:03:08 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 07, 2024 9:27:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Check the site. Slider 4 with the marquees crushing his skull:

Jun 07, 2024 9:27:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://bertm18.sg-host.com/

Jun 08, 2024 1:42:08 AM Me

Feeling sadness I really want to reach out to Jenica. Been 3 weeks. Longest I’ve not been in contact since we met

Jun 08, 2024 1:42:39 AM Me

I cry a lot when I think of her. I miss her terribly

Jun 08, 2024 10:38:39 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 11 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Dude you keep forgetting the min $15/hr. Plus you can be scripting podcast episodes at the same time
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Jun 08, 2024 10:43:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ashamed to admit my brain is so tired that creativity and problem solving is impacted ALOT.

Jun 08, 2024 10:44:23 AM Me

I try to do what you mention, but the random interruptions is the oil to the water of my workflow.

Jun 08, 2024 11:33:22 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Check out my new LinkedIn Banner

Jun 08, 2024 11:33:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/in/bertmahoney/

Jun 08, 2024 11:36:08 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Jun 08, 2024 11:36:48 AM Me

Took me a few trips to get the elements lined up with the page, but I like this much better. Simple and straightforward. No BS

Jun 08, 2024 11:37:08 AM Me

[

Jun 08, 2024 11:38:13 AM Me

Let me know what you think.

Jun 08, 2024 11:41:30 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Jun 08, 2024 11:41:50 AM Me

Patti Smith

Jun 08, 2024 11:52:45 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Out and about Bbl

Jun 08, 2024 12:51:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I read this wondering if I was this type. Once I did I laughed out loud because this is true for me 24/7. At times, people with the INTJ personality type may wonder whether dealing with other people is even worth the frustration.

Jun 08, 2024 5:42:05 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Lets make everything visual please — helps my neurodivergence

Jun 08, 2024 5:42:11 PM Me

That’s a good one for the kids

Jun 08, 2024 7:08:12 PM Me

Jun 08, 2024 7:11:43 PM Me

Judging myself as a weak fearful ineffective man. When I look back from high up that’s what I see. Someone who lived in fear of making people upset. And look where I am.

Jun 08, 2024 7:53:06 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you - too many of us operate out of fear. However we now know more than we did then.

Jun 08, 2024 7:53:44 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t sit in judgement, sit on what have you learned

Jun 08, 2024 8:03:19 PM Me

I walk the aisles of the supermarket to pass the time and dream of food I used to eat like Tri Tips and asparagus.

Jun 08, 2024 8:04:14 PM Me

It was interesting when my parents arrived and we went out to dinner. It was my first hot meal in about two months living on processed turkey meat and cheese, sometimes bread, sometimes chips, sometimes granola.

Jun 08, 2024 8:04:25 PM Me

Depends on money.💴

Jun 08, 2024 8:06:14 PM Me

One positive if I do get a fat paying gig is, I basically don’t eat so I’m not gonna spend very much on food. In fact, I remember hanging out with Jenica and it was very apparent to me. How little I eat and how much everybody else around me eats. Again, I have that thing driving through town seeing people enjoying themselves and hanging out with friends special people in their lives or family and everyone’s relaxing and having a good time enjoying their lives. It hurts to know you had that

Jun 08, 2024 8:09:57 PM Me

And that to the most part this past year has been pretty crappy. I had some excellent time with Jenica, but even then part of my head was not there. It was thinking about a job and money. It’s all I think about all day every day. I work on it every day. I’m about to end the DoorDash. I did three of them today and was available for maybe eight hours and I think I made $30 in deliveries for eight hours. I just hope to God that the pay for sitting around shows up.

Jun 08, 2024 8:14:37 PM Me

Anyway, I’m on my way to hang out by myself. Or maybe I should say I’m going to hang out with all my friends. Yeah, I realize I’m being a whiny bitch. However, I think I may have earned just a little bit of slack that will allow me to bitch cause I don’t have everything on the bottom motherfucking Maslov’s pyramid taking care of maybe when I have all of that locked in I can stop bitching

Jun 08, 2024 9:03:45 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

❤️

Jun 09, 2024 8:52:26 AM Me

Not a good start to the day

Jun 09, 2024 8:53:03 AM Me

It’s a story, not in my head, but I’ve real stuff that woke me up before I wanted to be awake

Jun 09, 2024 9:17:37 AM Me

Most days I feel like I’m just doing the same thing over and over again. Feeling jaded

Jun 09, 2024 10:36:54 AM Me

All I see around me today as I drive around town are things that I had that I no longer do have. It’s just like being awake and walking around living your life. I am getting triggers everywhere I fucking look. It’s hard do this every day. Part of the reason I’m so fucking exhausted every day is I am tapping down my triggers. I have tension headaches every day now because the muscles in my neck are so tight that I just have pain on both sides of the back of my neck all day long I tried to stretch my neck anything to alleviate it. it never goes away. It’s just chronic fucking stress, my neck muscles feel like bones that’s how hard they are.

Jun 09, 2024 12:01:17 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

It may be time for a change of scenery

Jun 09, 2024 12:02:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe

Jun 09, 2024 12:03:40 PM Me

Here until the 22nd at least. 15th is Sallies memorial. 22nd is the BIG end of year darts party at a historic barn nearby built in the 1880’s. I have to stay for that 😊 Also, the president is asking me to join the dart league.

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Jun 09, 2024 12:04:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Your mom mentioned getting out of here too.

Jun 09, 2024 2:27:05 PM Me

I beat myself up over everything, non stop in my head. I think it does it without me even noticing, it for sure does

Jun 09, 2024 2:34:06 PM Me

I was on side of the road waiting for orders and nodded in and out of sleep thanks to Mr koombyah at seven in the morning with his fucking acoustic guitar. I could’ve smashed over his fucking head. Anyhow I suddenly hear the ding for an order so I accept it and drive to get it while I’m waiting for the order to come up, I look at my text messages, and apparently the DoorDash app was pinging me, but I didn’t hear it which is weird because it’s loud and I always hear it. I looked at the text and it appears as though I missed five or six deliveries, which is mind blowing that ring six times and I wouldn’t hear it Anyhow, I don’t have anybody to talk to about this and maybe I should just text myself or text dead end instead of bugging you with this bullshit anyhow that’s it

Jun 09, 2024 2:36:01 PM Me

I got a funky feeling that it’s gonna take me as long to get out of this fucked up headspace as it did for me to get into it and I’m not talking about taking psychedelics for the depression. I’m talking about the bitterness de jadedness the fuck you to everybody. I don’t think that’s gonna go away pretty quickbecause I’m just not happy and there’s a difference between being depressed and unhappy that I know of course

Jun 09, 2024 2:37:55 PM Me

And if you’re curious what I’m beating myself up about, even when I’m actively trying to do the right thing I still somehow fuck things up. And I have the receipts. It just sucks to have negative shit all the time I can’t see what’s adequate or wrong or not up to par? It’s what I fucking, I’ve done my whole life

Jun 09, 2024 3:29:03 PM Me

This is good Worth watching. The narrator of the video had an chat with different AI models and posed many questions. What is cool is the replies are AI generated videos talking with fake voices that look fucking real

Jun 09, 2024 3:29:06 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 09, 2024 3:30:20 PM Me

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Jun 09, 2024 11:27:13 PM ⇲ Me

Bladerunner 0.15_beta

Jun 09, 2024 7:06:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I could pitch a tent in your yard hahahahahahah

Jun 09, 2024 8:20:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I changed my apple avatar to that, hahahaha. That face is how I feel. It looks uncomfortable, AND he looks VERY unhappy, which is the qualifier for me. Hahah

Jun 09, 2024 8:39:44 PM Me

https://chatgpt.com/

Jun 09, 2024 8:40:16 PM Me

I shared a conversation I had with the box comparing the pros and cons about letting credit card companies come after me versus declaring bankruptcy. Thought you would be interested.

Jun 09, 2024 8:40:33 PM Me

Box equals bots

Jun 09, 2024 8:41:11 PM Me

Also, I have anecdotally heard that ChatGPT five will have avatars. In other words, a fake person you look at and talk to, and it just talks back at you.

Jun 09, 2024 8:41:29 PM Me

Which we kind of are used to in some sense with Siri and Alexa, etc.

Jun 09, 2024 11:21:51 PM Me

I’m parked for the night and have a 5:30 AM DoorDash. Want to work on project and want to sleep. Still peeved about kumbayah George singing his heart out with his acoustic guitar at 7:15am

Jun 09, 2024 11:21:59 PM Me

Asshat

Jun 09, 2024 11:23:25 PM Me

Can u meet and talk this week about moving forward with DJ, or maybe if not meet post on discord what you’re thinking

Jun 09, 2024 11:26:38 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Limited availability to talk - tomorrow, tues afternoon - heading camping 🏕️ Wednesday for a few days.

Jun 09, 2024 11:25:38 PM Me

Bladerunner 0.7_beta

Jun 09, 2024 11:26:38 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Limited availability to talk - tomorrow, tues afternoon - heading camping 🏕️ Wednesday for a few days.
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Jun 09, 2024 11:27:13 PM ⇱ Me

Bladerunner 0.15_beta
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Jun 09, 2024 11:27:36 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

Creepy

Jun 09, 2024 11:29:47 PM Me

This was very good and worth 20mins. Talks about previous promises of Big Data, Crypto, Web3, iOT,

Jun 09, 2024 11:29:51 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 09, 2024 11:30:26 PM Me

Interesting take because he compares this to past innovations

Jun 09, 2024 11:30:44 PM Me

Good channel btw, just discovered

Jun 09, 2024 11:32:19 PM Me

Watching this now. It’s funny because it doesn’t freak me out basically because we were crawling under our desks doing nuclear ward drills and grade school when we were kids. The threat of nuclear war in the background always being plausible and real with something we grew up with and watching this episode it’s interesting to see this guy’s reaction, the host the CEO guy. This is worth watching as well.

Jun 09, 2024 11:32:21 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 09, 2024 11:32:52 PM Me

He’s is quite the interviewer

Jun 10, 2024 7:32:33 AM Me

Hi

Jun 10, 2024 7:34:52 AM Me

Discovered today that minimum wage is only for some cities so I made $6 hour last week for 25 hours of dashing last week Have 150 in acct and I’m scheduled to dash today tomorrow every day forward. Problem is I need to come up with about $700 in a week. I don’t think I’m gonna make that dashing.

Jun 10, 2024 7:39:21 AM Me

ugh

Jun 10, 2024 7:50:54 AM Me

Massive bummer and problem

Jun 10, 2024 7:56:06 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Keep dashing - it will bring insome cash - which will help the cause

Jun 10, 2024 7:56:13 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Income

Jun 10, 2024 7:56:51 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll can chat with you this afternoon

Jun 10, 2024 8:25:19 AM Me

I’m just dashing now and yelling at everybody cause they’re going to fucking slow

Jun 10, 2024 8:33:37 AM Me

7-9, 11-1 are dash times

Jun 10, 2024 9:41:08 AM Me

Just read about a role at a company called Butter. — The Role We're looking for a passionate, highly motivated and creative product designer with the experience and depth of skills to comfortably take on complex UX, UI and interaction challenges. You're an open minded and open-hearted human being that loves interacting with the people you work with and believe that collaboration is necessary in order to deliver exceptional product experiences that delight users. A well-rounded and pragmatic designer that knows and loves crafting high quality designs and beautiful details, but at the same time understand that scrappy conceptualisation, swift decision making and snappy execution is critical . We imagine that you are curious, humble and motivated to design and deliver the high quality, delightful and user-centered experiences that are needed for Butter to become the world's best platform for virtual facilitation. You'll be joining the Butter Product Design team and working closely with Chris, our CPO and co-founder. Together you will own the end to end design process and further fine-tune the role of product design in Butter going forward. We expect that you hold yourself to high standards, and bring care and craft with you to help us.

Jun 10, 2024 9:42:02 AM Me

I think I match that pretty well. Thing is how do they know you have those human qualities on your resume and and portfolio.

Jun 10, 2024 9:42:45 AM Me

Here’s the link:

Jun 10, 2024 9:42:47 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Product Designer

Jun 10, 2024 9:46:58 AM Me

Working on a cover letter and resume updates. Getting it submitted asap.

Jun 10, 2024 10:00:52 AM Me

Example. 2 hours, 7-9am

Jun 10, 2024 10:01:35 AM Me

Did 5:30am-6:30am and got nada

Jun 10, 2024 10:01:54 AM Me

So been up since 5:25am

Jun 10, 2024 10:02:02 AM Me

I’m tired

Jun 10, 2024 11:01:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola, from DJ

Jun 10, 2024 11:01:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

djscruggs — 06/08/2024 6:23 PM can we schedule some time monday or tuesday? monday i'm free except 11:30 to 1:30 (pacific time) tuesday i'm free all day except 9:30-10

Jun 10, 2024 1:36:19 PM Me

Headache from stress is hitting hard now

Jun 10, 2024 2:00:49 PM Me

2nd dash $10 an hour

Jun 10, 2024 3:35:53 PM Me

Bought one beer 🍺 so I can work in a different place, diff vibe. Change of scenery

Jun 10, 2024 4:03:45 PM Me

Funny cuz it aint helping. Now have Tmobile telling me they’rere going to shutdown my line for past due bill of 300. At this point I dont care. I’ll have to live without a phone can’t afford it. Have to take calls with laptop and schedule them. That’s all. I have a google voice number that should suffice — thoughts?

Jun 10, 2024 4:06:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You may suggest asking Liz but her moms service is this upcoming Saturday and I dont want to disturb the chi – if you know what I mean. Did a lot of deep thinking today about things. I’m actually ok in this very moment. What is destroying body and mind is time travel with the mind — the habit that is the bane of my existence. Triggers set me off on a wild mental roller coaster who’s tracks and travels are never the same.

Jun 10, 2024 4:15:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Looks like I need to go in store to cancel the phone. Sux because then no dash.

Jun 10, 2024 4:57:24 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Keep your phone. I’ll call you in an hour or so

Jun 10, 2024 5:03:11 PM Me

Ok. Need to charge it. Still at Topa but plan on going on a walk after this

Jun 10, 2024 5:05:11 PM Me

Been a long tough day. Like every day 😛

Jun 10, 2024 5:57:16 PM Me

Jun 10, 2024 6:33:46 PM Me

Jun 10, 2024 6:55:21 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful

Jun 10, 2024 7:50:43 PM Me

Just done with my walk and I went to the market and saw two beautiful women there. I can’t not see beautiful women right now. And they look back and I then get discombobulated 😕 I really want that companionship. It’s what I wanted in my marriage with Liz but she was always too tired 🥱 at the end of every day. We tried a schedule. That always got pushed off and then would never happen. I never said to Liz that it was unacceptable to be in a relationship and we’re just roommates who share a bed for sleeping and nothing else. I can’t tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep since 2013, yes 13. The rejection was awful and what drove me to smoking weed to numb myself out. Funny cause she uses the weed smoking as justification, part Of, divorce. Never asked WHY I would do it, just I can’t believe you were doing it. She didn’t want to understand. So simple and it kills me to distill it to that. She didn’t want to understand me, or what was wrong. She never once asked me what was wrong, just more ghosting and drove me deeper into depression and weed.

Jun 10, 2024 7:50:58 PM Me

So mad ashamed pissed off

Jun 10, 2024 7:51:22 PM Me

Everyone else’s life went on like always

Jun 10, 2024 7:51:41 PM Me

| I’m left to carry all the fucking pain
Edited 1 minute, 44 seconds later | It’s like you’re dead to everyone. Their lives are the same and you’re not in that life with them anymore. You’re dead and in pain. And there wasn’t even a funeral.

Jun 10, 2024 7:53:26 PM ⇲ Me

In

Jun 10, 2024 7:53:26 PM ⇱ Me

In
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 10, 2024 7:56:14 PM Me

Been up since 5:30. I applied to three jobs today which took a fair amount of time because I customize the résumé and cover letter for every single one. You have to. If you really want the gig you don’t surface if you don’t customize it I also reached out to Thacher alarm from the class of 2003 who I happened to have been his faculty advisor. I looked him up on LinkedIn over the weekend and he’s a founding partner of venture capital firm up in the bay area. so I sent him a message today and was straight to the point and told him you know I’ve been mangled up in this big tech mess and I know he’s connected to founders and people who are building companies. It’s the right environment, it’s the right space to be in to meet those people so I’m hopeful By the Darts, but I don’t feel the darts right now. I’m feeling more veg on a video and then maybe work on the project which I have been

Jun 10, 2024 7:57:11 PM Me

I’ve gone down a rabbit hole and have coded my own application that runs on my laptop that turns my text into an audio file of a voice reading. Now I tried getting into the play dot HTAPI and connect to the voice that I made on their platform, but it won’t let me in unless I pay. So I am now working with AI to set up Mazzola’s model on my machine and I’m going to teach it and then have it create a voicemail for me

Jun 10, 2024 7:57:26 PM Me

Mozilla Voicemodel

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Jun 10, 2024 10:20:30 PM Me

Read this tonight and it hit. — You are strong—and you struggle. These two points co-exist. — I love duality especially in liminal spaces

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Jun 10, 2024 10:24:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This whole thing….

Jun 10, 2024 10:24:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You feel like there’s something you should be doing, but you’re not always sure what it is. You want to stop scrolling all the time. You want to find what matters and do more of it. You are strong—and you struggle. These two points co-exist. Also within you, a sense of insecurity causes you to second-guess yourself. You have ideas but don’t always follow-through. You worry about what other people think of you. Then you get mad at yourself for worrying about it. But you still worry. Sometimes you get stuck. You don’t feel like doing anything at all! You just want to give up and do whatever energy-depleting activities you gravitate toward.

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Jun 10, 2024 10:24:41 PM Me

K, going to park and sleep, good night

Jun 10, 2024 10:26:25 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes) +13038752587

That’s good - definitely feel that too

Jun 10, 2024 10:27:26 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be up all night 😵‍💫

Jun 10, 2024 10:28:08 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Yesterday was a long day - 26 hrs

Jun 10, 2024 10:41:20 PM Me

I feel the tired too

Jun 10, 2024 10:41:34 PM Me

Tomorrow I m up at 5:30 am again

Jun 10, 2024 10:51:05 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Get the best sleep you can

Jun 10, 2024 10:55:33 PM ⇲ Me

Right, hopefully I don’t have fight club tonight

Jun 10, 2024 10:51:38 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Good night 💤🌙😴

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Jun 10, 2024 10:55:33 PM ⇱ Me

Right, hopefully I don’t have fight club tonight
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 10, 2024 11:04:15 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 11, 2024 8:27:51 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

This was great. Sharing with Sarah too

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Jun 11, 2024 8:28:21 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning and good night. Off to sleep 😴

Jun 11, 2024 8:28:33 AM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Bb at 2:30pst

Jun 11, 2024 9:22:45 AM Me

Good morning. This was in my insight timer feed. 3 mins. Incredibly simple concept and if awareness is attuned it almost becomes a facepalm at how easy it is to do and it works already used it this morning.

Jun 11, 2024 9:22:48 AM Me

https://insig.ht/R3ZYVCUqlKb

Jun 11, 2024 9:41:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This was interesting.

Jun 11, 2024 9:41:46 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/6-ai-business-models-every-founder-needs-know-deboshree-dutta-o3cvf

Jun 11, 2024 11:27:11 AM Me

some good items on this list:

Jun 11, 2024 11:27:15 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

X (formerly Twitter)

Jun 11, 2024 2:03:18 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Hey there. FYI, Sent some emails. One is sales customer related — acquisition of clients. DJ and I got on a hangout and We’re working inside a Miro file to layout the panels and text — a group whiteboard for us to collaborate on. DJ is working on content for each panel following the words from the closing sales content I sent. 1. Why or What (define it, Identify) 2. You 3. What if 4. Imagine 5. Easy

Jun 11, 2024 4:04:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://ugurus.com/launch-challenge-thank-you/

Jun 11, 2024 4:20:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Took me 3 hours to churn email and go through all the job stuff. Did that and GroupX stuff. Switching gears right now and going up to get Weston and go walk and rub our belly on the grass together. After that I’ll be getting back online to push on the Last-Known Prototype. Made some progress yesterday and want to keep that going.

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Jun 11, 2024 4:20:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then more work on audio.

Jun 11, 2024 5:37:56 PM Me

I’m wondering how to pay car still and phone

Jun 11, 2024 6:14:51 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Let’s chat tonight when I’m at hotel

Jun 11, 2024 6:14:16 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 11, 2024 6:14:51 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Let’s chat tonight when I’m at hotel
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 11, 2024 6:51:35 PM Me

Ok

Jun 11, 2024 6:54:32 PM Me

Question when you have a minute to watch this short. This woman summarizes exactly what Elizabeth and I have never truly done. She refused to participate in opening up deeply with me. She cannot show weakness or be vulnerable. Not even when our relationship was at its “best” My question is should I send it to Liz? Because I want to very badly

Jun 11, 2024 6:54:37 PM Me

| Let me know is
Edited 8 seconds later | Let me know

Jun 11, 2024 6:54:54 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 11, 2024 6:55:14 PM Me

Sitting down and unpacking never happened.

Jun 11, 2024 8:05:02 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes) +13038752587

I listen in my way to work and give you my thought

Jun 12, 2024 6:51:14 AM ⇲ Me

?

Jun 11, 2024 9:02:06 PM Me

K

Jun 11, 2024 9:02:30 PM Me

| I am headed to practice starts because I have the tournament on the 22nd and I don’t want to be out in the first round
Edited 32 seconds later | I am headed to practice darts because I have the tournament on the 22nd and I don’t want to be out in the first round

Jun 11, 2024 9:03:04 PM Me

There are no handicaps so you have to bring it A game 🎯

Jun 11, 2024 9:04:21 PM Me

By the way, I have a lot of applications out right now and have more activity and connections happening on LinkedIn so I think I’m going to write my article and publish it and it will be cool because I will piss off a lot of people and that gets you attention besides I was validated by an old school on LinkedIn who’s been on the web since the 90s like us 30 something millennials these kids were in kindergarten when we got on the web or they weren’t even born anyway

Jun 12, 2024 6:51:14 AM ⇱ Me

?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 12, 2024 6:52:38 AM Me

Good morning and good night

Jun 12, 2024 6:53:13 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Wrapping up at hotel

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Jun 12, 2024 7:49:02 AM Me

At Starbucks writing an article for the UX community

Jun 12, 2024 7:49:19 AM Me

All about titles and terms

Jun 12, 2024 7:49:47 AM Me

Then ideas about sharing my AI experience using it so far

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Jun 12, 2024 7:52:06 AM Me

Interesting being in Starbucks before the madness ensues

Jun 12, 2024 7:52:35 AM Me

Currently dashing since 5:30am. No orders yet

Jun 12, 2024 7:52:46 AM Me

Dash until 10am

Jun 12, 2024 7:54:45 AM +13038752587

Off to sleep 💤

Jun 12, 2024 7:56:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok. Any thoughts on that vid about sending to Liz

Jun 12, 2024 7:57:04 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I would not send it

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Jun 12, 2024 7:57:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did you think it summed it up?

Jun 12, 2024 7:57:43 AM +13038752587

It does

Jun 12, 2024 7:57:49 AM Me

I need to watch it again this morning.

Jun 12, 2024 7:58:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And share it with Laurie. And maybe Joanna.

Jun 12, 2024 7:58:23 AM Me

Actually no on Joanna

Jun 12, 2024 7:58:32 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Agree

Jun 12, 2024 7:58:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dont worry I won’t be stupid;

Jun 12, 2024 7:58:36 AM Me

Sleep well. What time you up?

Jun 12, 2024 7:59:03 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

12 ish - taking girls camping for a few days

Jun 12, 2024 7:59:10 AM Me

Oh wow

Jun 12, 2024 7:59:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Then down to pick up Meme on Saturday, she’s coming for a couple of weeks

Jun 12, 2024 7:59:49 AM Me

Cool! That will be fun. Hear back on coffee shop?

Jun 12, 2024 8:00:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI I did updates on group x, it’s good until we come up with content. DJ is working on that — copywriting

Jun 12, 2024 8:01:03 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes - the made an offer. Things at hotel changed too - may have day hours and higher pay. No decisions until next week

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Jun 12, 2024 8:01:30 AM ⇲ Me

This is good news

Jun 12, 2024 8:01:30 AM ⇱ Me

This is good news
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 12, 2024 8:02:09 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Group x, or voice AI is best

Jun 12, 2024 8:04:04 AM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Would be better options

Jun 12, 2024 8:04:31 AM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Overall, I feel things are in motion.

Jun 12, 2024 8:04:44 AM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Signing off

Jun 12, 2024 8:38:49 AM Me

K, sleep well

Jun 12, 2024 11:10:38 AM Me

5:30 am to 10am Not too bad but still $10 hour

Jun 12, 2024 12:33:36 PM Me

Hi, I am in this weird headspace that is not depression. It’s more of empty anxiety about not knowing what the fuck to do. It’s like being frozen like a deer in the headlights. You gotta fucking move, but you’re frozen. You have no idea which way is up which way to go I just sent Liz a text about some thing I learned with regard to Darragh and it really pissed me off. Apparently he went to the gun range with one of Liz’s male friends. I hate guns and I don’t want my kids exposed to. So I sent her a text that said I would appreciate the courtesy of consideration when you’re making decisions about what my son is exposed to. Granted he’s an adult in a week but the point of this is courtesy. I also said to her you threw me out of the family because you were unhappy with what I exposed Aidan to when he was rummaging around and found the weed I was smoking for years because I was numbing the pain from your years of rejection. She never asked me why I was smoking weed ever. And all these years. And I just laid that at her feet. She’s the one that caused me to decide to numb because she wouldn’t pay a fucking attention to me.

Jun 12, 2024 12:34:03 PM Me

I decided to use weed big whippy Doo. It would’ve been different if I had decided to use another woman to numb my pain.

Jun 12, 2024 12:34:35 PM Me

I need to get the divorce papers filed and get some fucking alimony coming. I’m sick of fucking scraping.

Jun 12, 2024 12:35:48 PM Me

Also, I didn’t mention this in the text to Liz, but I don’t like her putting other men in a father figure role with my boys. Fuck that I will not allow that.

Jun 12, 2024 12:36:06 PM Me

And I will walk right up to her fucking face and tell her exactly how I feel about it

Jun 12, 2024 12:36:34 PM Me

Is anyone in this situation has a right to be pissed off at this point in time and has an absolute right to scream it to the fucking hills it is me and guess what kids it’s showtime

Jun 12, 2024 12:37:29 PM Me

I’m sick of being invisible. I’m sick of being looked through. I’m sick of being small.

Jun 12, 2024 12:44:14 PM Me

Something happened yesterday that caused well... I’ll just not say it because I don’t want to jinx it if it continues I’ll share. I’ll just say that it’s very positive and transformative we’re talking about mind shifts.

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Jun 12, 2024 3:10:04 PM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be off the grid until Saturday morning around 11

Jun 12, 2024 3:35:26 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

FYI - Ugurus is based in Denver

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Jun 12, 2024 3:45:55 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Have a great couple of days. I catchup with you on Saturday. 😀

Jun 12, 2024 4:12:08 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 1 hour, 5 minutes, 13 seconds) Me

OK. Wanted to brainstorm car payment and phone pmt stuff with you. 😟

Jun 12, 2024 4:12:24 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 1 hour, 4 minutes, 57 seconds) Me

K, I won’t explode. I’ll stay busy job hunting.

Jun 12, 2024 4:12:41 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 1 hour, 4 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

PS. Just published my first article on LinkedIn. Not a post, and Article.

Jun 12, 2024 4:12:53 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 1 hour, 4 minutes, 28 seconds) Me

An opinion piece of sorts.

Jun 12, 2024 4:38:55 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 38 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

The root of frustration, dismay, and dissatisfaction, is expectation. Remove it by practicing acceptance.

Jun 12, 2024 8:22:31 PM Me

Jun 13, 2024 3:14:34 PM Me

4 hours

Jun 13, 2024 5:55:27 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 48 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

In a brief window of signal. I’ll call you on Saturday on my trip to pick up Meme

Jun 13, 2024 7:44:02 PM Me

Jun 13, 2024 10:17:52 PM Me

NPR One

Jun 13, 2024 10:17:52 PM Me

Memorializing loved ones through AI

Jun 14, 2024 1:14:12 PM Me

Not feeling good. Just mentally in. A 🪣 I find myself thinking about Jenica daily. I really miss her

Jun 14, 2024 1:18:55 PM Me

Dashing for another 45 mins. Been up since 5:30 am Feeling a lot of anxiety Not feeling well today at all. I miss my connection to her badly. It’s hurting today. Feeling incredibly compelled to reach out to her. Yesterday was one month since she texted me. She said she really didn’t want to be in connection anymore and that fucking killed me and I didn’t never texted back after that. I never got on my mind and what’s in my heart.

Jun 14, 2024 1:25:37 PM Me

Alone Adrift Alienated

Jun 14, 2024 2:02:37 PM Me

4 hours of dashing today and got this much. I know yesterday was good but $0? I was in the hotspots from 11am to 1pm and $0 dollars

Jun 14, 2024 2:34:39 PM Me

| The intensity of not wanting to be alive right now is enormous. I’ve been fooling myself for a long time thinking that everything is gonna be OK and just work out. But the longer I’m the more I lose if I even had any to begin with.
Edited 58 seconds later | .

Jun 14, 2024 3:25:58 PM Me

The thing that’s probably most frustrating is that I don’t have anything positive in my life. The last thing I had was Jenica and she’s gone. And I absolutely do not feel right in pursuing relationships because I’m financially worthless. I think I’m just overwhelmed from having an interview and I’m pretty damn sure it’s not gonna go beyond just that interview so I’m sort of morning having an interview and having a BVN at the same time. I’m not optimistic. Why should I be? I’ve got no reason to be I’ve been here for going on 14 months and as far as I know, I’ll be here for 14 more that won’t happen because I will absolutely check out. There’s no fucking way I can do much more.

Jun 14, 2024 3:27:59 PM Me

Venting

Jun 14, 2024 3:29:00 PM Me

90° here today. Sweating like a swamp donkey.

Jun 14, 2024 4:52:54 PM Me

OK, remind me to tell you about late afternoon stress about the phone bill and asking Liz to pay the last 300 on it so I can switch the line over to just me because right now. It’s a business plan phone and I can’t switch it until it’s paid, and I guess if she doesn’t pay then I lose my phone so if you can’t get a hold of me by the phone tomorrow, you know I lost my line

Jun 14, 2024 4:54:08 PM Me

And if you can’t get a hold of me because I lost my phone, I’ll let you know. I reminded Liz I paid for the phone for the entire family from last May onwards when I was homeless and unemployed, I didn’t mention that I paid with retirement money for that and liquidated myself, but that’s not the point, the point is I paid when I should’ve been covering that bill and put me on my own line. Anyway, I’m freaked the fuck out so.

Jun 14, 2024 4:54:23 PM Me

Hopefully you hear from me tomorrow. If not, I don’t know have a conversation with Liz. I don’t know what the fuck to do.

Jun 14, 2024 4:54:45 PM Me

I just feel like I’m getting fucked more and more and more no matter what

Jun 14, 2024 5:01:55 PM Me

Please pray 🤲 or whatever spiritual vibe connects you to the source of the universe. For me Thx

Jun 14, 2024 6:50:14 PM Me

It’s just hitting me a minute ago that I really don’t have anything to live for right now. I got nothing going on in my life no job no house. I just got a pile of shit in storage in a car so I mean it’s a good time to check out there’s not a lot of shit to deal with when I’m gone, least I’m thinking about others. Getting sets of depression. I’m borrowing the analogy of set of waves. So I get a wave it subsides it comes again. It’s subsides. It comes again. It subsides it comes again and then it subsides for maybe a while and then my mind will be right back at it again I’m fighting my brain . And I discovered that I’m too lazy to commit suicide

Jun 14, 2024 6:52:52 PM Me

I also discovered this afternoon that if I don’t eat, my brain is more susceptible to go off down a rabbit hole of despair. When I have had something to eat, I am able to be more vigilant and catching myself and refocusing before it turns into nasty shit.

Jun 14, 2024 6:53:09 PM Me

And I am literally talking like two bites of something

Jun 14, 2024 8:23:41 PM Me

Liz paid the $300 on the phone

Jun 14, 2024 8:25:26 PM Me

Been so frazzled all day that after my interview this morning I stayed at Starbucks until 11am and then the stress, anxiety, pressure triggered my depression and cycle 🔄 of toilet 🚽 thinking.

Jun 14, 2024 8:25:37 PM Me

Shit 💩 thinking

Jun 14, 2024 8:26:27 PM Me

I’ve been up at 5:15 or 530 for probably more than half of the last seven days and I’ve been off until maybe midnight every night because I’m having a hard time falling asleep because of the stress and when I wake up it, there’s no going back to sleep The sense of urgency or feeling that I can’t stop is ever present

Jun 14, 2024 8:28:04 PM Me

If I sit still, and do nothing, not even enjoying myself, just not working on something. I am very upset with myself that I should be working on my art. If I’m not on my art, I should be looking for a job when I’m too tired for the job I should go back to the art and then back to work sort of ping-pong when I get sick of when I go to the other vice versa

Jun 14, 2024 9:07:27 PM Me

Pink moment B/W = mask with hat/glasses Color = rawness

Jun 14, 2024 9:15:19 PM Me

I ❤️ Matilda My 🚗. I’m worried because she needs a break job badly. Have driven it across country and back and the only thing I’ve done is replaced two tires no brakejob no anything. It’s way overdue for an inspection by Volkswagen. When I got her she had 28,000 miles on her for a four year old car. She now has 45,000 miles on her. I put 17,000 miles on this car in one year. I nearly have driven around the equator. it’s roughly 25,000 miles if I’m not mistaken I still kick myself in the ass for not contacting Volkswagen sponsor me cross country in this vehicle with the small battery and I did it back-and-forth. I think that’s kindanotable. But I could be wrong.

Jun 14, 2024 9:19:50 PM Me

I’m beginning to think that after tomorrow I have one more week till the dark tournament and then nothing tethering me here other than my storage space and my two boys. One of whom is about to take off into his own independent life. What an exquisitely exciting time for him I brought tears thinking about his accomplishments. I’m super proud of him because I couldn’t ever get into a place like Lewis and Clark tbh Dial received academic scholarships. That’s a largely the reason he can afford to go to that institution. They gave him the best package/offer. So he goes there as an academic scholarship, and told me at graduation. He is planning on training all summer so that he can walk on to their soccer team next year , College teams, even division one, have an open tryout day for any student at the school. I know this because Hartwick did it back in the day for their soccer team. The thing is coaches have no idea what hidden talent lies among the student body, who weren’t the people who were scouted. Darragh has a lot of talent and a lot of skill and should he make the right decisions and make the right connections he could end up playing professionally for real

Jun 14, 2024 9:21:22 PM Me

He has enough talent, raw talent, that is a very good set of coaches got their hands on him. They potentially could turn him into a lethal scoring machine. He has the speed the strength and now the size. He’s taller than me five times faster than me and as strong as me And he’s not 18 for another week. He won’t hit his and mental prime until the ages of between 25 and 29 if he wants to pursue Soccer professionally.

Jun 14, 2024 9:23:42 PM Me

I know you’ve been off-line and I’ve given you homers Odyssey in text messages to read and I apologize for that. I’m thinking that perhaps after the dart tournament I get out of here and drive to Colorado. I could fly to Colorado? And maybe Elizabeth would allow me to leave Matilda with her at the house. Only then I don’t have a set of wheels which kind of puts a kink in getting out camping or if I wanted to take a lady friend out somewhere

Jun 14, 2024 9:24:42 PM Me

If I were to drive to Colorado, it would be prudent for me to bring this car to the Volkswagen dealer and have them run it through its pieces. Especially battery testing. It seems fine, but you never know what’s going on. Besides I’ve never owned an electric car before I haven’t filled up at a gas station in a year nor have I changed the oil in my car

Jun 14, 2024 9:26:08 PM Me

I know for a fact that the drive from St. George Utah north to Grand River is doable, but it’s the stretch from grand River in the Colorado that has the bit of elevation and just enough distance that it makes it sketchy for me. I think you recall the story I told where I had only 5 miles left in my battery. That was on my journey from here to you

Jun 14, 2024 9:26:25 PM Me

And homer says the end. At least for tonight

Jun 15, 2024 3:23:16 AM Me

Still awake at 2:30am

Jun 15, 2024 3:23:40 AM Me

I'm angry 😡

Jun 15, 2024 7:45:19 AM Me

Awake for about 20mins now. Heading over to storage going to put on my black suit, then head over to Starbucks and get some coffee until I go to the service

Jun 15, 2024 7:46:23 AM Me

I’m feeling pretty raw this morning

Jun 15, 2024 8:30:45 AM Me

Jun 15, 2024 12:26:10 PM Me

I am done with Sallie’s service. It was challenging to keep my composure but I did the entire time. I imagine I looked quite stoic to many people. I saw Elizabeth’s brothers and Greg’s wife Anita who seemed pretty distraught that Liz and I were not together. I have some DoorDash in to do for the dinner time hours today and it’s getting hot right now supposed to be in the 90s and

Jun 15, 2024 12:27:14 PM Me

I’m not sure what to do. The president of the dart association told me he is going to shoot Darts at 1 o’clock at a brewery in Ventura. There is a part of me that wants to do that. Part of me sees this as foolish waste of money that I don’t have.

Jun 15, 2024 12:29:46 PM Me

However, there is a part of me that says it’s important not to have my head in front of the screen every waking minute. It’s hard to buy into that when you’re not working consistently. I’ll admit I was rather incredibly ashamed today when asked how I was doing and how things are going by people I have not seen in a long time. I had to mask and I lied. I don’t want to tell people the truth at somebody’s memorial service it’s just not the place Anyway I think I’m going to go to Ventura and then come back up to Ojai tonight to DoorDash

Jun 15, 2024 3:09:19 PM Me

Another weird day

Jun 15, 2024 4:17:32 PM Me

Lmk when you are onli

Jun 15, 2024 4:17:36 PM Me

Online

Jun 15, 2024 4:36:37 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Missed first bus 🚎 catching on at 5:20 - will be available then

Jun 15, 2024 5:11:22 PM Me

5:20 your time

Jun 15, 2024 5:11:30 PM Me

Or me?

Jun 15, 2024 5:19:18 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Mine

Jun 15, 2024 5:22:17 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

In the bus 🚎

Jun 15, 2024 5:22:55 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

On

Jun 15, 2024 5:38:07 PM Me

Today was pretty fucking hard. As was the past couple weeks it’s been really fucking intense and I’ve had no relief. No escape or release valve on the stress and pressure And I cannot stop thinking about Jenica.

Jun 15, 2024 5:40:27 PM Me

I’m currently driving back up to Ojai right now to DoorDash. I’m trying but things don’t seem to be working out for me. I spent a lot of time reflecting in the church today and I don’t know I’m not. I’m not heading into direction. I wanna go. I just feel so Done with everything people life waking up taking a shit eating food but I barely eat food now anyway so I’m just fucked up in my life and that’s just the way things are

Jun 15, 2024 5:41:04 PM Me

And honestly, even if I did have a clear path right now, I’m so fucking exhausted and tired and just burned out from being alive

Jun 15, 2024 5:42:11 PM Me

I mean last night Elizabeth, her brothers cousin Dylan, my boys basically everybody in Sallie’s family other than me went out to dinner last night. I was not invited to it. I am not kidding when I say I am kicked out of the family.

Jun 15, 2024 5:42:25 PM Me

I got nothing more than a wave and a hello to both of her brothers today

Jun 15, 2024 5:43:02 PM Me

I’m just having a hard time reconciling shit I’m experiencing and making sense of things because right now nothing in my life makes sense and I hate living

Jun 15, 2024 5:53:48 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

Sorry to hear the services were tough.

Jun 15, 2024 5:57:32 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

I understand that sounds like a huge understatement. The only other word that comes to mind is that sucks

Jun 15, 2024 6:04:24 PM Me

Oh yeah, and I’m two car payments late now as well The end is nigh

Jun 15, 2024 6:04:37 PM Me

Things got so bad for me today that I started texting Declan and sharing stuff about my depression

Jun 15, 2024 6:05:04 PM Me

My kid shouldn’t listen to his father struggle with thoughts of just staying alive

Jun 15, 2024 6:05:21 PM Me

Even if he is 21 no one should have to hear that from their father

Jun 15, 2024 6:05:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Ok - sounds simple stop it

Jun 15, 2024 6:05:31 PM +13038752587

Car payments solvable- when do you get next project payment- did you complete prototyping

Jun 15, 2024 6:05:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Ok - sounds simple stop it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2024 6:06:11 PM +13038752587

That’s what I’m here for

Jun 15, 2024 6:06:17 PM +13038752587

Or Russ

Jun 15, 2024 6:06:48 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I saw you have an interview with Hilton -

Jun 15, 2024 6:07:16 PM Me

I know you know the feeling when you want something to be over so that you can just get on with the next thing. We’ve all had that experience watching a movie or being at some thing that’s dragging on and you’re thinking let’s just get this the fuck over so I can move on. That is exactly how I feel right now with living. Let’s just get this the fuck over with shall we? I tried. I’ve had enough. Game Over

Jun 15, 2024 6:07:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Benefits are good 70 highly discounted stays per year $40-50

Jun 15, 2024 6:08:18 PM +13038752587

With living or the current state of life?

Jun 15, 2024 6:08:20 PM Me

And last night, Sherry tells me that Elizabeth and Joanna think that I am choosing not to work. I nearly lost my fucking mind. What the fuck does Elizabeth think I am doing? She’s obviously clearly fucking clueless.

Jun 15, 2024 6:08:42 PM Me

That made me so angry about her entitlement that if she was in front of me, I would’ve punched her in the teeth

Jun 15, 2024 6:09:28 PM Me

And then Sherry tells me dude you’re too angry blah blah blah Again I nearly lost my mind because I feel angry and I feel it that it’s justified. Please tell me if I’m wrong you know I will hear it

Jun 15, 2024 6:09:30 PM +13038752587

She thinks you are refusing to get any job - and holding out for the ideal job - is my guess to their thoughts

Jun 15, 2024 6:10:14 PM Me

That is absolutely not the case. I had my first interview of this year a few days ago. It took me 500 applications to get that interview. Recruiter told me there were over 400 people applying for that job and I got an interview.

Jun 15, 2024 6:10:27 PM +13038752587

Feel angry 😤 is normal when communication is off or there is lack of communication

Jun 15, 2024 6:10:49 PM +13038752587

However, it doesn’t help the communication problem

Jun 15, 2024 6:11:05 PM Me

All I am begging for is to be seen and understood

Jun 15, 2024 6:11:30 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Here is what I think it will take for Liz to really talk with you …

Jun 15, 2024 6:11:47 PM Me

I sent a text the other night to Elizabeth asking for simple courtesy, and consideration when things are going on with the family and please include me in the communication. Then I find out today that everybody went out to dinner last night except for me

Jun 15, 2024 6:12:34 PM Me

Darrell, she doesn’t hear me. She doesn’t see me. She doesn’t recognize me acknowledge me. Somebody else needs to talk to her and tell her what the fuck is going on for me with me for real. It’s that or maybe I’m dead and then everybody can talk it over.

Jun 15, 2024 6:12:50 PM +13038752587

A heads up that that was happening and a quick message that she did think it was best for you to be there

Jun 15, 2024 6:13:02 PM Me

That’s kind of where I’m at that woman has no fucking idea what kind of life I’m living and it’s not my fucking choice to live this life. It was her choice.

Jun 15, 2024 6:14:04 PM +13038752587

They can’t see that. Back to my comment about them expecting you to do what they think they would do

Jun 15, 2024 6:14:04 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 15, 2024 6:14:18 PM Me

She has some fucking fantasy story in her head about how I’m living. Maybe I should record it on my phone and show her my car and how I have it set up in park and where I am at night and show her everything that I fucking do every day She should be paying for my living she wanted me out she should pay fuck her

Jun 15, 2024 6:14:55 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Last part is an option

Jun 15, 2024 6:15:30 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 53 seconds) +13038752587

That would take you researching cali divorce laws

Jun 15, 2024 6:18:29 PM Me

I’ve already done the research. I need to file paperwork and submit my financials. Once I’ve done that and they process my paperwork, they will then issue papers to Elizabeth to say please submit all your financial information so we can sort out this divorce. It’s at that point the court decides what the fuck happens and since I have zero money for retirement and I’m living on DoorDash, she’s gonna have to fork up a lot of fucking money

Jun 15, 2024 6:19:05 PM Me

All that money she making with her art and riding horses on the side is going to disappear. And you know what to fucking bad because she decided to ride horses instead of spending time with me. She chose horses over her marriage. She chose Iron Man over her marriage c’est la vie.

Jun 15, 2024 6:19:56 PM Me

I’m filing on Monday in fact, I’ll probably have it all pulled together tomorrow and then just pull the trigger Monday. I should’ve done this the day. I arrived back in October because by now the divorce would be final and I wouldn’t be living like this.

Jun 15, 2024 6:30:19 PM Me

Do an ad DoorDash for $3.55 and it has sent me the wrong way to the wrong place three times already

Jun 15, 2024 6:30:31 PM Me

I’m having such a good night

Jun 15, 2024 6:32:08 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 9 seconds) +13038752587

“How does it get better than that?”

Jun 15, 2024 6:32:35 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Seriously- that’s the question to ask

Jun 15, 2024 6:46:30 PM Me

Delivering delicious food that you can’t afford is not fun

Jun 15, 2024 6:48:35 PM Me

Driving around to the restaurants and seeing everybody sitting inside having a good time driving through town and everybody socializing with their friends and having a good time. I just don’t have that life. I don’t have A life.

Jun 15, 2024 6:48:59 PM Me

It’s basically why I want to check the fuck out who wants to to wake up to my life every day

Jun 15, 2024 7:01:08 PM +13038752587

Hum. Based on where you are what life would be worth the effort

Jun 15, 2024 7:19:49 PM Me

I don’t have an answer to that. I’m too tired.

Jun 15, 2024 7:21:09 PM Me

Like I’ve said before, even if I get all the bottom needs of Maslov’s pyramid in place, it’s still gonna take me half a year to a year to get my fucking head straight and I don’t wanna wait a year or two to get my life going again. I’ve been waiting too long.

Jun 15, 2024 7:22:17 PM Me

I’ve got three years behind me and I’m in year four so am I supposed to say yeah let’s just have six years of life as a void I guess it’s OK because I’m in capable of forming any memories because I have too much stress in my life. I can’t remember what happened three days ago or two days ago.

Jun 15, 2024 7:23:45 PM Me

I almost started crying when I saw my sister-in-law Anita. She was a bit teary and distressed with me finding out about me and Liz. I don’t think she knew about it until yesterday. I’ve known her since before she and Greg got married back in the late 90s. One of my favorite pictures of me and Liz is from that day

Jun 15, 2024 7:23:56 PM Me

I don’t wanna build another life. I’m just fucking done.

Jun 15, 2024 7:26:06 PM Me

OK, I’m gonna be quiet now. Just sit here and wait to see what happens in the next 35 minutes and then I don’t know maybe stare often into space until I go to bed.

Jun 15, 2024 7:28:40 PM Me

Question if you get to reading this far because honestly, I wouldn’t read all this shit that I’m writing to you. I just skim over it because it’s basically the same fucking story over and over again. The question is this since tomorrow is Father’s Day is it incumbent upon the father to organize stuff on that day? Or is it incumbent upon the children and well I don’t have a spouse but They usually come in arrange things right or do I have it wrong?

Jun 15, 2024 7:34:05 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

| I read it all - I hear to really listen and help if I can.
Edited 1 minute, 2 seconds later | I read it all - Im hear to really listen and help if I can.

Jun 15, 2024 7:34:46 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

As for Father’s Day - i always thought it was Dads day off to do what he wanted to do

Jun 15, 2024 7:36:30 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Question- are you in a state of anger and frustration or has the darkness crept in?

Jun 15, 2024 7:40:18 PM Me

All 3 It's a soup at the moment

Jun 15, 2024 7:40:57 PM +13038752587

Gotcha

Jun 15, 2024 7:41:03 PM Me

Dark is here, always over my shoulder. If I get still I can tell

Jun 15, 2024 7:41:24 PM +13038752587

As long as it doesn’t take over

Jun 15, 2024 7:42:44 PM Me

Dark has been here and turned on for me at some level since 2018. 6 years Why I'm tired

Jun 15, 2024 7:45:29 PM Me

I don't have weapons or access to them If I did I wouldnt be here Thanksgiving all alone eating cold turkey meat while my former family continues to live life like I never existed Feel like a fucking sperm donor sometimes

Jun 15, 2024 7:45:58 PM Me

Last Thanksgiving I would have done it For sure

Jun 15, 2024 7:46:20 PM Me

That was a punishing day

Jun 15, 2024 7:46:56 PM Me

No escape or turning it off

Jun 15, 2024 7:48:55 PM Me

I get stuck in this weird Logic paradox where I want to check out because of how much life hurts, but in order to not hurt my kids I have to stay alive and live with how my life hurts. I have really no fucking escape. I just have to live it I wasn’t lying over a year ago when I said to people, I am going to carry everyone’s pain for the rest of my life And I knew it and I am right

Jun 15, 2024 7:51:34 PM +13038752587

There is a better life waiting for you. A life where the hurt is gone. I know you don’t see it right now. Have faith it exists

Jun 15, 2024 7:52:17 PM Me

Only got about 10 minutes left and haven’t gotten any orders. Today sucked. I made $15 today. I don’t know what I’m gonna do about my car and in another week I have to pay for my storage place too. I had an idea where I would take a carload of stuff with me every time I leave storage and just leave my stuff randomly on corners all over Ojai just free somebody can pick it up and take it

Jun 15, 2024 7:52:51 PM Me

That way, I can slowly empty out my storage space and not have a lot of shit to carry around because when I lose my car, I am one of the walking homeless at that point. I think that’s when shit gets real for me

Jun 15, 2024 7:53:47 PM +13038752587

You will it lose storage or car

Jun 15, 2024 7:54:13 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Where are you in prototype project?

Jun 15, 2024 7:54:42 PM Me

I was invited to play darts today by the president of the league. He invited a bunch of guys to play darts at a brewery and Ventura. I went down and shot Darts and then came back up here for my 5 o’clock to 7 o’clock DoorDash, which got me 15 bucks and that he doesn’t even cover the two beers I had Ventura so I could pretend that I was normal and could buy a beer like anyone else, but I really couldn’t

Jun 15, 2024 7:55:35 PM Me

For example, not one soul in my dart league knows that I don’t have a job or knows that I’m living in my car. No one from the league knows that And if I were to tell some of them, they potentially could shit their pants.

Jun 15, 2024 7:56:33 PM Me

Everyone in the league sees me as this nice kind easy-going guy who likes to laugh and it’s sad that’s all a fucking act I should get an Oscar I’m that fucking good

Jun 15, 2024 7:56:56 PM +13038752587

You dint have to by beer to fit in That’s a choice you make. If you drank water no one would care

Jun 15, 2024 7:57:24 PM +13038752587

It’s not all an act

Jun 15, 2024 7:57:42 PM Me

Peer pressure I guess. Besides, it comes up against me in the whole idea that I shouldnt even be enjoying myself at all in the first place

Jun 15, 2024 7:57:52 PM +13038752587

It’s the real you - who is allowed out from under the cloud

Jun 15, 2024 7:58:47 PM ⇲ Me

Actually, it’s not it’s completely driven from anxiety and fear. I’m coming from a place where I’m worried about rejection I’m people pleasing. I’m not being myself.

Jun 15, 2024 7:58:05 PM Me

I don’t deserve it, and I haven’t earned it therefore I shouldn’t have access or be given

Jun 15, 2024 7:58:22 PM +13038752587

No sense you deserved joy

Jun 15, 2024 7:58:47 PM ⇱ Me

Actually, it’s not it’s completely driven from anxiety and fear. I’m coming from a place where I’m worried about rejection I’m people pleasing. I’m not being myself.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2024 7:58:50 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Everyone deserves it regardless of their so

Jun 15, 2024 7:59:19 PM Me

When I’m my real self people can’t hang around me that’s why I have to put on a fucking act

Jun 15, 2024 7:59:57 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 46 seconds) +13038752587

That’s not the real you - that’s the depressed you

Jun 15, 2024 8:00:39 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 4 seconds) +13038752587

I’m talking about the diamond underneath all the crap

Jun 15, 2024 8:01:36 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Loving, thoughtful, funny, witty, smart

Jun 15, 2024 8:02:42 PM Me

Hard boiled eggs? Or turkey lunch meat For dinner. I have to go to the store and spend five bucks and get one or the other for dinner.

Jun 15, 2024 8:02:55 PM Me

And that’s my night

Jun 15, 2024 8:05:42 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Thought 💭 how’s Santa Barbara for dashing? Ojai does not seem to be a place for it

Jun 15, 2024 8:06:25 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

To know for sure - give it a week and see if they money is better there

Jun 15, 2024 8:10:53 PM Me

It will cost me possibly two battery fills Wanted to get there and back and then one for dashing there. Anyway, I have to drive almost an hour just to get to the heart of the place.

Jun 15, 2024 8:11:18 PM Me

And if I’m there, I’m gonna stay there and sleep there not drive back-and-forth to Ojai. Why the fuck would I do that? Only if I needed to come back to storage place?

Jun 15, 2024 8:11:47 PM +13038752587

Makes sense - sounds worth the effort

Jun 15, 2024 8:12:00 PM Me

Right it’s going to be more effort than what I’m doing now for probably not much more money

Jun 15, 2024 8:13:26 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Maybe maybe not - only one way to know - cut the cord from Ojai dashing it not feeding you properly

Jun 15, 2024 8:12:21 PM +13038752587

Btw - what’s up with prototype - you have not answered that question

Jun 15, 2024 8:12:37 PM Me

I didn’t even see that question

Jun 15, 2024 8:14:41 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Ok and status is??

Jun 15, 2024 8:13:26 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Maybe maybe not - only one way to know - cut the cord from Ojai dashing it not feeding you properly
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2024 8:14:41 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Ok and status is??
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2024 8:14:45 PM Me

I can try Ventura or Santa Barbara but I’m gonna need to be up until midnight every night when the schedule gets released. Within 20 minutes, Ventura is gone or less.

Jun 15, 2024 8:15:15 PM Me

All the driving slots get taken up really fast. Ventura typically doesn’t have any driving slots available that I ever see and the only time I’ve seen them is at 12:30 in the morning.

Jun 15, 2024 8:16:00 PM Me

I mean DoorDash isn’t away to live. It’s a supplemental income thing so it makes sense. The one thing I do know is that to get X number of dollars per hour you have to be in a city like Los Angeles.

Jun 15, 2024 8:16:55 PM Me

The prototype hasn’t been getting as much attention as it should the past few weeks with graduation and Sallie service have been exponentially more stressful. Of time for me and I just have not been able to concentrate on it.

Jun 15, 2024 8:17:43 PM Me

I definitely need to focus on that and get it working, but that will take time and otherwise I got nothing

Jun 15, 2024 8:19:07 PM +13038752587

That will pay you - so that should be on your daily schedule to get it completed. Graduation and Sallies service is now over.

Jun 15, 2024 8:19:34 PM +13038752587

When is your interview

Jun 15, 2024 8:19:38 PM +13038752587

BRB

Jun 15, 2024 8:19:41 PM Me

Yes, but unfortunately, I can’t take the suit of stress off my body. I feel like I’m walking around with an 80 pounds on Me

Jun 15, 2024 8:28:00 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Can’t go over it Can’t go under it Can’t go around it Have to go through it

Jun 15, 2024 8:28:11 PM ⇲ +13038752587

80lb suit and all

Jun 15, 2024 8:20:01 PM Me

My interview was yesterday

Jun 15, 2024 8:26:57 PM +13038752587

How did it go

Jun 15, 2024 8:28:00 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Can’t go over it Can’t go under it Can’t go around it Have to go through it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2024 8:28:11 PM ⇱ +13038752587

80lb suit and all
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 15, 2024 8:30:54 PM Me

2.75 hours $19 On a fucking Saturday night

Jun 15, 2024 8:35:17 PM Me

OK, all done. DoorDash Ing gonna go to the market and get a couple of hard-boiled eggs and that’s it end of the day is all these days and months and weeks are going by and they’re awful and I don’t get it this time back That’s what makes me so incredibly sad. I have to live through this and lose all this time I could be really living my life and enjoying it

Jun 15, 2024 8:35:48 PM Me

I get to suffer and watch each day just piss away being miserable unhappy, and I’m gonna go to bed tonight knowing that is what my day is tomorrow

Jun 15, 2024 8:36:20 PM Me

Do you see how that starts to feel like Groundhog Day how that’s pretty uninspiring and would really kind of defeat a lot of people it’s pretty much beat me

Jun 15, 2024 8:38:00 PM Me

Other thing I realized is, you’re the only person I engage with in any fashion. I really don’t talk to or communicate to anyone else It makes me feel really fucking hermit like which I don’t mind being a hermit. It’s being a lonely hermit. That’s a fucking killer.

Jun 15, 2024 8:41:23 PM Me

By the way, I would definitely do it today if I had the tools it’s that strong right now But as we know that never happens and I’ll just keep on the suffering I’m just tired, hungry alone, homeless and unemployed. I am just not feeling great, OK I’m headed into the market. Hopefully, I don’t see anyone that I know.

Jun 15, 2024 8:57:18 PM +13038752587

If the darkness takes over call me, or call hotline

Jun 15, 2024 8:58:05 PM +13038752587

Tomorrow do one thing differently then you have been doing

Jun 15, 2024 9:00:12 PM Me

I am feeling like I have crossed a line and I might not come back. That is the line of just being permanently fucked up from this mentally like no matter what I do for the rest of my life I’m gonna be fucked up in the head from this And be unable to recover. I just caught myself acting in a really strange, fucking way that I don’t like and if I’m turning into that person, I’m not up for that.

Jun 15, 2024 9:01:40 PM Me

I mean, I literally parked on the side of the road, staring up at the sky through my windshield at nothing for 20 minutes fucking solid without moving my eyes You get put into the sort of catatonic spaces where I’m inside my head and I can see that I can hear. I really kinda can’t move and I can’t talk. I’m just kind of there

Jun 15, 2024 9:02:15 PM Me

It’s like if you went to the mental ward and a guy was sitting in a chair, staring at the wall in the corner and not moving. I turn into that guy

Jun 15, 2024 9:03:17 PM +13038752587

And you are aware of it all?

Jun 15, 2024 9:03:49 PM Me

For moments, it comes and goes there periods where I’m kind of just flatlined. I’m not thinking or doing anything. I’m just looking, but I’m not thinking and not moving.

Jun 15, 2024 9:04:26 PM Me

I can go in and out of that state fluidly now. I’ll never forget the first time it happened. I sat on the side of the bed, staring at the floor for 45 minutes solid

Jun 15, 2024 9:04:46 PM Me

Didn’t fucking move at all just the floor

Jun 15, 2024 9:05:27 PM Me

And then I just kind of fucking snapped out of it. My best guess is my brain is just overwhelmed and can’t deal. And it just needs to fucking shut down the factory for a few minutes.

Jun 15, 2024 9:06:02 PM +13038752587

Self preservation

Jun 15, 2024 9:06:08 PM +13038752587

Makes sense

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Jun 15, 2024 9:06:22 PM Me

Dealing with one of the things I got on my plate is a lot for somebody. I’ve got multiple and it’s exponential and I’ve been at it for over a year. I can’t tell you how much my neck and shoulders and head hurt from all the tightness and stress hurts right now this very moment like a throbbing headache, but there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s just there every day now, that showed up this weekend and has never gone away

Jun 15, 2024 9:07:17 PM Me

It is self preservation. I think my brain goes to a stress overload point and hast to like turn off the human part and just focus on what’s going on the inside, but it doesn’t let me know what the fuck is going on.

Jun 15, 2024 9:08:08 PM Me

The brain says OK body don’t move eyes look at the floor and don’t engage the face and turn off thinking and then it goes and does shit and leaves me hang in there for a while and then I come back. The thing I don’t know is those dudes in the psycho movies that are staring at the corner. Were they born like that or they like me and go into one of those modes and never come back the fuck out

Jun 15, 2024 9:08:56 PM +13038752587

Good question

Jun 15, 2024 9:08:58 PM Me

Honestly, I so wish I could find Jenica right now and get a hug

Jun 15, 2024 9:11:56 PM Me

It’s officially been over a month now since we’ve communicated. I wonder if she ever thinks about me at all or tries to block it out.

Jun 15, 2024 9:12:24 PM Me

I really wanna text her so badly. I just send three words. I miss you.

Jun 15, 2024 9:12:42 PM Me

But I’m unsure if that will trigger her

Jun 15, 2024 9:15:18 PM Me

It’s probably best for me to do nothing and let her reach out if she wants to. In the meantime until I have the means to give her what she wants and she deserves very much I won’t reach out to her

Jun 15, 2024 9:15:29 PM +13038752587

Your path is clear to me Stop smoking Stop drinking Get profess help Then a job - interview how’d it go Then many doors will open - including a relationship

Jun 15, 2024 9:19:17 PM Me

The interview went OK I guess it was hard for me to gauge. I was trying to stay, relaxed and focused on the questions, but also be observing the overall quality of it. Typically, when I think I do well and an interview things don’t work out and when I think it went bad or I’m not sure Usually has worked out and this to me like the latter it was very much. I’m just not sure how that went. What I can tell you is this, there were over 400 people appliance for that one position and they picked me out of that pile so, that’s kind of a win, but I don’t get any money

Jun 15, 2024 9:20:37 PM Me

I told me everything so what happens next is if they want me to continue I will know by end of day Monday when I will meet with Director of Design for an hour if that goes well and then meet with the whole Design team for an hour, and after that, they make their decision he said they have to have a tiebreaker will meet with one of the VPs people so that’s in a nutshell and it’s a new role. It’s not replacing a warm seat and they’re looking to bring the person on board at the end of July.

Jun 15, 2024 9:22:26 PM Me

And the job is lead user experience, designer for the mobile app so if I were to get this, I would be in charge of the Design of Hilton’s mobile app

Jun 15, 2024 9:22:55 PM Me

And that’s global so I have to work on localization to be able to handle different languages

Jun 15, 2024 9:25:20 PM Me

I’m so exhausted right now and I want to just zone on YouTube and fall asleep but there’s a part of my brain says I’m a lazy motherfucker for not doing work. Honestly I want to do so much art but not having a dedicated space where I can set up my stuff and leave it is prohibitive OK, I will sort of go quiet, but I’m just here begging out on videos

Jun 15, 2024 9:25:51 PM Me

Vegging not begging

Jun 15, 2024 9:29:41 PM +13038752587

Tree and Dion just picked me up- will reply later

Jun 15, 2024 10:01:54 PM Me

Ok

Jun 15, 2024 10:13:56 PM Me

This really is a hard night. It really is feeling like a motherfucker. I have this awful combination of peak, depression and overthinking. So instead of overthinking about preparing for something fun all you’re doing is overthinking about awfulness and depression. It’s really a shitty combination.

Jun 15, 2024 10:22:17 PM Me

| I’m sure you can understand why people wanna make it stop. OK, my car is somewhat ready for me to climb in the back and go to sleep. Although I have set my alarm for 12:30 AM and wake up so I can get first pick at the DoorDash schedule for the next day which is a week out. the only thing I have left here is next Saturday’s end of year dart party after that, the only reason to be here is my stuff and my kids. Just hit me that is taken off at the end of this summer. Aidan’s already gone and kicked on the curtain after fucking giving my life for that woman to do that race. This is the fucking thanks I get for a life of committment and dedication to support her racing. All I see is a self serving entitled avoidant emotionally and psychologically abusive narcissist now. Some may say “bitch” but I find the word Cunt to be much sharper and one less letter
Edited 20 seconds later | I’m sure you can understand why people wanna make it stop. OK, my car is somewhat ready for me to climb in the back and go to sleep. Although I have set my alarm for 12:30 AM and wake up so I can get first pick at the DoorDash schedule for the next day which is a week out. the only thing I have left here is next Saturday’s end of year dart party after that, the only reason to be here is my stuff and my kids. Just hit me that is taken off at the end of this summer. Aidan’s already gone and kicked on the curtain after fucking giving my life for that woman to do that race. This is the fucking thanks I get for a life of committment and dedication to support her racing. All I see is a self serving entitled avoidant emotionally and psychologically abusive narcissist now. Some may say “bitch” but I find the word “Cunt” to be much sharper and one less letter

Jun 15, 2024 10:23:37 PM Me

Another thought that has come to mind more than once is What her parents think of her actions? I tried to broach the subject with Sallie before her passing, but she got instantly defensive with me to the point where I had to leave the house. It was super uncomfortable. Sadly, that was the last time I interacted with her.

Jun 15, 2024 10:25:36 PM Me

Like now that Sallie has passed on She would see the truth and be presented the full facts and plate of evidence. Not just one person story. She never asked me what happened or wanted to know my story about what happened. I found that interesting that she was never curious or brought it up.

Jun 15, 2024 10:26:10 PM Me

I spent a lot of time driving her to and from Ventura for doctors appointments and such so we had many conversations. I just wonder that’s all.

Jun 15, 2024 10:29:00 PM Me

Part of my problem is that I can’t find a way to have my heart full of love. I know that’s the fucking secret. If I am able to maintain presence and quality of openness, that being openhearted I would transcend all the bullshit. I know this to be true, I have read enough studied enough people who teach meditation, etc. that is about heart space

Jun 15, 2024 10:33:09 PM Me

My issue right now is my heart is filled with a lot of anger, contempt and fucking rage, man I’ve had my fucking future taken away from me If every right to be pissed off, but dammit, I wanna get the fuck over this honestly, too have to say I don’t think my head and heart would be in this space if I had my basic needs taken care of. And she should be helping me considering the situation I’m in But it’s my understanding from what I heard today that she believes I’m being picky about working Please do me a favor and communicate to her about my work situation my money financial situation. She has no fucking clue what’s going on for me. I try to tell her, but I start getting too pissed off text message and I can’t control myself. In fact I rage texted her yesterday and copied and pasted it out into Grammarly and did not send it, I should copy and paste and send it to you.

Jun 15, 2024 10:33:20 PM Me

OK, I’m gonna drive to the park now

Jun 15, 2024 10:36:39 PM Me

Oh, that’s the other thing too her brothers, rightly so, have been staying at Sallie‘s house this weekend but other than them staying at Sallie‘s house it sits empty. And I am out here on the streets because Elizabeth doesn’t want me under the same roof as her because she doesn’t feel “safe“ Around me She could have offered me the opportunity to stay there, in the second bedroom, of course, but to think that’s available and she doesn’t offer that to me knowing my situation? Dude that’s not right.

Jun 15, 2024 10:36:52 PM Me

That’s intentionally fucking cruel

Jun 15, 2024 10:37:44 PM Me

OK, I’m parked and pissed off. Good night.

Jun 15, 2024 10:38:25 PM Me

You should text her and ask her that. Hey Liz, why don’t you let Bert stay in the empty fucking house?

Jun 15, 2024 10:57:37 PM Me

Last thing I’ll say only because I’m sitting here inside my head thinking and that is don’t really have any reason to be here meaning this liveness this life I feel like I’m done with this life. Don’t know how to describe it. Other than that. I feel like it came over like I’m done and even if, even if Even if I were to heal my mind, I’m still going to have to spend years rebuilding my life. I don’t wanna do that. It doesn’t sound fun to me. It does not sound exciting or anything that I’m looking forward to in any capacity. I am tired. I don’t want more work. Building a new life is work and I’m all fucking tapped out

Jun 15, 2024 11:06:01 PM Me

If you don’t hear from me tomorrow morning, I’m parked in Libby bowl parking lot across from the house we lived in during sabbatical.

Jun 15, 2024 11:36:31 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I need you to reply tonight actually. Let me know what’s happening for you to send this message

Jun 15, 2024 11:10:48 PM Me

Crying myself to sleep and it makes my face and head all hot and sweaty. I cry myself to sleep every night.

Jun 15, 2024 11:28:12 PM +13038752587

Hey

Jun 15, 2024 11:28:23 PM +13038752587

Just read through

Jun 15, 2024 11:28:42 PM +13038752587

Are you ok?

Jun 15, 2024 11:28:58 PM +13038752587

I fully expect to hear from you tomorrow morning

Jun 15, 2024 11:31:06 PM +13038752587

Sending you a hug

Jun 15, 2024 11:36:31 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I need you to reply tonight actually. Let me know what’s happening for you to send this message
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 16, 2024 7:42:05 AM Me

Woke up, but I wanted to die in my sleep. that way you knew where my car was if you didn’t hear from me.

Jun 16, 2024 7:43:06 AM Me

I ask for that a lot, to be taken while sleeping, but always end up awake in my living hell every day

Jun 16, 2024 8:10:27 AM Me

I woke up in my phone started pinging me about orders. So I I’m not even really awake and I’ve already done a delivery. I really fucking wish I didn’t wake up.

Jun 16, 2024 8:54:16 AM Me

Happy Father’s Day to you out there in Colorado. I’m pretty sure the girls and Sara probably have something fun cooked up for you. Hope you have a good day.

Jun 16, 2024 9:01:35 AM Me

My Father’s Day pretty much looks like DoorDash with a couple of hours to do some work on the computer. I think Aidan is actually here in Ojai and as a car however, the chances that he and his brothers will a remember that it’s Father’s Day and be do something is a huge leap They're young and forgetful

Jun 16, 2024 9:03:25 AM Me

I don't feel it's my job to celebrate fathers day for myself. For my dad yes, but not myself. I'm not my father

Jun 16, 2024 9:27:42 AM Me

As I drive DoorDash this morning, it’s so clear to me. I have no purpose for existing. The only reason for me to exist is to make others lives, uncomplicated, and pain-free. Is it really my job to continue to live a life that I hate it’s full of suffering and it goes on forever just so that other people don’t cry and feel bad.? To me that is my sole purpose on this earth right now to be alive only so other people don’t feel uncomfortable

Jun 16, 2024 9:28:00 AM Me

| I’m I’m screaming. I hate life out my window as I drive through downtown Ojai.
Edited 11 minutes, 15 seconds later | .

Jun 16, 2024 9:39:28 AM Me

Ive definitely crossed a line of not giving a fuck anymore.

Jun 16, 2024 9:39:53 AM Me

And it’s kind of wild DoorDash at 7 AM when there’s nobody on the fucking street and you see how the morning gets busy

Jun 16, 2024 9:42:54 AM Me

Getting weird brain 🧠 feeling today. Dizzy and head feels More weird when turning it

Jun 16, 2024 9:43:01 AM Me

Brain zaps

Jun 16, 2024 10:07:58 AM +13038752587

Happy Father’s Day- just getting ready to pick up meme and head back west

Jun 16, 2024 11:33:13 AM Me

I’m about to finish my DoorDash in one minute. Then the rest of my day I have no DoorDash I found myself crying a lot in the last hour, sitting waiting for orders in Starbucks and the donut shop where I would just start crying and come out of my eyes and I couldn’t stop it and there wasn’t really any particular thought or anything on my mind. It’s just like stress, squeezing it out of me or some shit. It was incredibly embarrassing and at the same time I kind of didn’t give a shit and just sat there with tears ru running down my face

Jun 16, 2024 11:39:06 AM Me

Driving around aimlessly the rest of today. No desire to open computer, nothing. Feeling intensely disassociated.

Jun 16, 2024 11:48:57 AM Me

Dash is done and it's getting hot in Ojai today. Do or dash, Starbucks, charging station, storage

Jun 16, 2024 11:49:01 AM Me

That's my life

Jun 16, 2024 12:14:16 PM Me

I’m not sure how much I got left in me For real.

Jun 16, 2024 12:36:00 PM Me

I have this incredible urge to write a letter to everybody and just lay everything there in the letter and then get the fuck out of here i’m a little sick of waiting for the universe to fucking crack the door open and let me move on from this. I’m just sick of fucking waiting. And I use the term waiting loosely because I’m not waiting. I am fucking actively working to get my ass out of this space, but I can’t catch a fucking break .

Jun 16, 2024 12:40:24 PM Me

Driving all around town today all I see are families celebrating fathers and it’s painful

Jun 16, 2024 12:54:06 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Pick up the dog 🐕 go for hike or head to the beach

Jun 16, 2024 1:17:44 PM ⇲ Me

I’ve got the vibe where you don’t wanna do anything. If I had an apartment, I would be in my bed right now. I’m not coming outside today, but I have to be outside so yeah.

Jun 16, 2024 1:18:07 PM ⇲ Me

I just bought myself a Father’s Day coffee because it’s buy one get one from 12 to 6 today. If you use the Starbucks app so go get yourself a coffee.

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Jun 16, 2024 1:18:54 PM ⇲ Me

I’m gonna sit in the air conditioning at Starbucks for a few hours get on the laptop. I haven’t been online since around Friday at noon. Right around then my head started to spiral and I lost the rest of the day. No productivity at all.

Jun 16, 2024 12:54:24 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Back on the road

Jun 16, 2024 1:14:36 PM Me

K

Jun 16, 2024 1:17:44 PM ⇱ Me

I’ve got the vibe where you don’t wanna do anything. If I had an apartment, I would be in my bed right now. I’m not coming outside today, but I have to be outside so yeah.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 16, 2024 1:18:07 PM ⇱ Me

I just bought myself a Father’s Day coffee because it’s buy one get one from 12 to 6 today. If you use the Starbucks app so go get yourself a coffee.

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Jun 16, 2024 1:18:54 PM ⇱ Me

I’m gonna sit in the air conditioning at Starbucks for a few hours get on the laptop. I haven’t been online since around Friday at noon. Right around then my head started to spiral and I lost the rest of the day. No productivity at all.
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Jun 16, 2024 1:19:47 PM Me

Plus, I need to check and see if I have any updates on Hilton and, otherwise I’m just pushing to get to next Saturday. It’s the next sort of date in the calendar that I can aim for.

Jun 16, 2024 3:17:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Are you done driving?

Jun 16, 2024 3:17:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You stationary and just hanging out?

Jun 16, 2024 3:20:00 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Yes / going to take 22mins rest. Have to work tonight.

Jun 16, 2024 3:22:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oh

Jun 16, 2024 3:22:16 PM Me

about to send this to liz, could you read?

Jun 16, 2024 3:22:33 PM Me

I’m upset that I’m hearing rumors and BS.

Jun 16, 2024 3:22:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No one ever reaches out to understand or ask questions, so people know nothing. When there's a void, people feel the impulse to fill the space. I have no friends, no money, and no place to stay. I'm alone 99% of the time, and Darrel is the only person I text. I've been working 8 days a week for over a year trying to get the missing items from the bottom of Maslow's pyramid put in place. If anyone thinks for a nanosecond that I'm choosing to be in this space or stay here—or that I'm not trying or being picky about a job — in fact, I had my first interview OF THIS YEAR this past Friday selected from over 400 applicants for this one position. All roles in my field have hundreds of applications—true documented fact. I'm about as earnest as they come. I'm really at the point where I have nothing to lose except myself.

Jun 16, 2024 3:29:19 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This seems ok (of course you are missing an “L” in my name 😉) Sharing information is good- I too have been guilty of filling in the blanks. Back to my comment we expect people to do what we think we would do

Jun 16, 2024 3:25:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No mention that I have 1-2 pints and that’s it when I play darts. Otherwise I dont drink. I kept thinking about that after you mentioned stopping drinking. That’s easy, and so is stopping weed. I’ve stopped stuff before (smoking, drinking) So its doable and no problem

Jun 16, 2024 3:30:27 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 29 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Cool 😎 Do it

Jun 16, 2024 3:30:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 10 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I believe you will feel better

Jun 16, 2024 3:27:03 PM Me

This period of time and these events have really pushed me to nearly a breaking point. Good thing is I learned some things.

Jun 16, 2024 3:32:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

You are strong and smart

Jun 16, 2024 3:27:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Jun 16, 2024 3:29:19 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 37 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This seems ok (of course you are missing an “L” in my name 😉) Sharing information is good- I too have been guilty of filling in the blanks. Back to my comment we expect people to do what we think we would do
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 16, 2024 3:30:27 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 29 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Cool 😎 Do it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 16, 2024 3:30:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 10 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I believe you will feel better
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 16, 2024 3:32:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

You are strong and smart
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 16, 2024 3:35:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Jun 16, 2024 3:36:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey when can you meet with DJ??

Jun 16, 2024 6:19:47 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Hey, serious question. Please be honest. Am I an narcisist? Do I play victim all the time? Again, frankness and honesty is appreciated.

Jun 16, 2024 8:01:31 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Never thought about it Why are you asking?

Jun 16, 2024 8:33:05 PM ⇲ Me

I got an email from Quora and one of the topics was about narcissists so I clicked what people were saying about how narcissist act and I do know that I get caught in victim mode and whining, and crying about my situation someone in Gaza would trade places with me and a nanosecond

Jun 16, 2024 8:03:52 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Battery is about to die - getting ready for shift - I’ll be back online around 9pm PST

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Jun 16, 2024 8:33:05 PM ⇱ Me

I got an email from Quora and one of the topics was about narcissists so I clicked what people were saying about how narcissist act and I do know that I get caught in victim mode and whining, and crying about my situation someone in Gaza would trade places with me and a nanosecond
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 16, 2024 9:02:34 PM Me

Jun 16, 2024 9:03:10 PM Me

Jun 17, 2024 7:27:58 AM Me

Good morning

Jun 17, 2024 7:28:14 AM Me

Up dashing

Jun 17, 2024 8:53:18 AM Me

You must be sleeping

Jun 17, 2024 9:06:16 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning worked 11 hrs

Jun 17, 2024 9:06:17 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 17, 2024 9:06:31 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Eating something- then to bed

Jun 17, 2024 9:13:53 AM Me

OK cool, just done with the DoorDash and made some money to eat. Headed to Starbucks working on my client project all day. Ping me when you wake up. By the way, I actually feel normal today. I think I was going through something processing something in someway that I’m not entirely clear about, but I’ve moved through whatever it was.

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Jun 17, 2024 9:15:05 AM Me

The intensity and duration of my episodes were longer and more intense this past weekend. Maybe because I am around Elizabeth entire family. Half of whom no only rumors of why we are split.

Jun 17, 2024 9:36:51 AM Me

Jun 17, 2024 10:09:01 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

This is progress - more interviews are coming

Jun 17, 2024 10:09:16 AM ⇲ Me

🙏

Nope 👎

Jun 17, 2024 9:53:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to go over to T-Mobile, walk in the store and change my plan to this.

Jun 17, 2024 9:57:30 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Looks good - have you communicated with Liz and boys that they will need to set up a new plan

Jun 17, 2024 9:58:14 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Or can you just remove yourself from the plan?

Jun 17, 2024 10:08:26 AM Me

They’re already on their own plan

Jun 17, 2024 10:09:01 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

This is progress - more interviews are coming
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 17, 2024 10:09:04 AM Me

They left my plan, and mine is a business plan for 200mo

Jun 17, 2024 10:09:16 AM ⇱ Me

🙏
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 17, 2024 10:10:00 AM Me

Jun 17, 2024 10:10:00 AM Me

Moving forward

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Jun 17, 2024 10:10:13 AM +13038752587

Sweet - $160 savings

Jun 17, 2024 10:10:17 AM Me

Once I have fee waived I file

Jun 17, 2024 10:11:03 AM Me

I consulted with Sherry Owen who I believe you know. She had been through a nasty divorce and given what she knows of my situation said that it’s best I stay quiet about what I’m doing and then just show up and hand the paperwork don’t communicate anything to her until you are ready to “serve the papers”

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Jun 17, 2024 10:11:26 AM Me

I kinda like that. A “drop it like it’s hot” move

Jun 17, 2024 10:12:06 AM Me

It’ll be a nice piano falling out of the sky for her and whatever day I happen to be able to drop it. I’m gonna move as fast as the courts allow me. They actually might expedite me given my situation in the car for a year, blah blah blah blah.

Jun 17, 2024 10:13:17 AM Me

You realize that since Sallie’s passing her house is sat empty? Elizabeth knows how much I helped her and Sallie with runs to the hospital and whatever she needed. I was there for her. And the fact that the house sits empty and Liz let me sleep on the street in my car, pretty fucking cruel IMO

Jun 17, 2024 10:13:48 AM Me

I am going to get half of everything she has and won’t stop until I do

Jun 17, 2024 10:14:00 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Fading - I’ll check in when I wake up

Jun 17, 2024 10:14:13 AM Me

I know she has over a quarter million in retirement money so I know I’ll get half of that

Jun 17, 2024 10:15:19 AM Me

I am pretty sure I remember vividly Nat not enjoying how much he had to provide Sallie when they split. But that was his choice so he had to pay. And this situation mirrors that but an even more stark contrast in living situations. Sallie was never going to sleep in the car or on the street.

Jun 17, 2024 10:16:13 AM Me

I’ve been more than kind and patient, I have been a bit irritable and angry, but hey, I’m human and I’m dealing with a lot of shit so please everyone the world included. Just give me a little bit of wiggle room.

Jun 17, 2024 10:17:15 AM Me

It’s like when you’re a kid riding a bike like a bat out of hell and you wipe out and kinda get fucked up and have to sit there for a bit, but you’re dying to get back on the fucking bike. I am dying to get back on the fucking bike

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Jun 17, 2024 10:28:25 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I signed up for a “how to file” webinar on the 27th. I’m also sending this to the court—there’s a self-help email where people will answer your questions. Im asking about expedition. — If one has been unemployed and homeless (living in car) for over a year now with a monthly income of 1000, and you've been separated for 3 years after a 20-year marriage, how quickly could spousal support be granted? I have no money or means to pay (no assets as I’ve spent everything to live. Have no retirement money, property, or stocks) and I am filing form FW-001 to waive my fees. I'm curious if there is any expedition process since I've been living on the streets, and my ex lives in an exclusive gated community on the East End of Ojai. Thanks for any help you can provide. With gratitude and be well, Bert

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Jun 17, 2024 3:11:50 PM Me

Lindsay Cordero Art - Conservation | Literacy | Art

Jun 17, 2024 4:37:46 PM Me

You among the conscious?

Jun 17, 2024 4:38:46 PM Me

On another dash until 5pm. Then Starbucks lobby until 7:30 for AC and wifi

Jun 17, 2024 5:47:16 PM Me

I just did a gigantic adult in thing. I went into T-Mobile to get my account converted from a business account to an individual account. I couldn’t do the whole process in person, I had to call the support line and talk to a specialist because yeah it’s a unique change, not doesn’t happen all the time anyway it took me, an hour total of being on the phone and being in person half hour for each. But now my phone is a individual single line and I am on the 55th five and over plan so get the same plan that I had with everybody on my plan, but instead of 300 something dollars a month I’m going to pay 65

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Jun 17, 2024 5:47:33 PM Me

Now that being said, I will see how it goes and if I need to, I’ll jump through hoops again and go to something like mint mobile

Jun 17, 2024 5:47:56 PM Me

Where I’m at in life right now I need path of lease resistance and big red easy buttons to hit

Jun 17, 2024 5:48:37 PM Me

Jun 17, 2024 5:51:01 PM Me

It’s interesting, I am reflecting on completing that task. That is something, doing something like that, is like climbing Mount Everest for me, psychologically when I am contending with my depression. When I am in that depressed, bitchy whiny mode I can’t do adulting and be an adult and take care of my responsibilities although Somehow I’ve been able to fucking do it up till now. I mean, I’ve held the fucking plane together with duct tape, bubblegum, and wire as long as I can.

Jun 17, 2024 6:22:10 PM Me

I’m delivering my last DoorDash of the day, and I had to go to Vons to pick up two orders. On my way out I see Elizabeth sitting in her car talking on the phone so I made a point of walking in front of her car and pouring at her until she recognize me and then I waved. She saw me hustling It’s not just a bullshit story. It’s the goddamn truth.

Jun 17, 2024 6:22:55 PM Me

I’m very excited to get my reply from the county court later this week about alimony and support. It would be outstanding if there was an expedited process for people that have already been separated for years as we have

Jun 17, 2024 6:23:35 PM Me

It would be really weird and ironic if I hand her the papers and the piano that falls out of the sky makes her real life. She’s signing away half of what she has just because she wanted her way.

Jun 17, 2024 6:24:49 PM Me

It’s a cost of your decision that you have little to no realization of in that moment. I have no idea other than the house what she inherited from her mother, but I would have to imagine that me taking $125,000 or more out of her retirement account is going to sting just a little bit

Jun 17, 2024 6:25:55 PM Me

Plus, if I’m still unemployed and homeless when this case comes before the court, I am going to be given likely a substantial alimony at least enough to live on which out here is one and a half times more expensive than the average in the nation one bedroom one bath apartments Don’t go for any less than $2000 anywhere

Jun 17, 2024 6:26:06 PM Me

And that’s just the apartment I need to eat

Jun 17, 2024 6:26:52 PM Me

Maybe after the court decision sometime in the future. I might send the following words to Elizabeth via text

Jun 17, 2024 6:27:07 PM Me

In life, the dildo of consequences rarely comes lubricated

Jun 17, 2024 6:27:41 PM Me

We’re going to to see me turn from angry to calm and we’re gonna see her turn from calm lit like a fucking Roman candle

Jun 17, 2024 6:31:21 PM Me

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So close but need to take some away so I can eat tonight and tomorrow. But I do have three solid blocks tomorrow so I should be able to get over 440 which is my payment. That being said in two more days my next payment is due. The fucking hustle never ends I’ve not felt truly relaxed or had a vacation in a long fucking time

Jun 17, 2024 9:56:27 PM Me

YouTube

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Jun 18, 2024 8:17:50 AM Me

Hi

Jun 18, 2024 8:17:57 AM Me

U awake

Jun 18, 2024 8:19:57 AM +13038752587

Yes for about 30mins

Jun 18, 2024 8:20:45 AM Me

Been dashing about 30mins already. Lady gave me $10 cash tip on a delivery

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Jun 18, 2024 8:24:26 AM Me

I can’t stop thinking about Jenica. I know she texted she didn’t “really” want to be in contact. We left it as friends and I started texting her like a friend and I think that made it harder for her So… I want to let her know that I think about her. That’s about it. I don’t expect a reply, but I never replied to that last message when she sent the “really” message Let me know if I think sending that text would be harmful to my connection to her

Jun 18, 2024 8:33:00 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Are you ok if she doesn’t reply or replies that she rather not be in contact? If yes, message away.

Jun 18, 2024 8:33:01 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 18, 2024 8:36:56 AM Me

Do I wait until I have my next job that was the only thing wrong with me was that I didn’t have a roof over my head and a way to pay for my own shit

Jun 18, 2024 8:37:15 AM Me

I checked every fucking box for her, except for that and it breaks my fucking heart

Jun 18, 2024 8:43:38 AM Me

There’s no sense in reaching out until my circumstances are different. That’s what my gut is telling me right now I’m gonna go with that.

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Jun 18, 2024 8:45:36 AM Me

Think about this, I was driving on my way towards you. I think at this point a year ago. So I’ve been in the same position for a whole year. So does it make sense now when I bitch about losing a whole year of my life. That’s what it feels like, and it feels honestly longer than that because the depression has been fucking with me that long

Jun 18, 2024 9:09:14 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Going to sleep

Jun 18, 2024 1:48:01 PM Me

Hola, DJ emailed and I’ve not responded yet because I’ve been dashing since 7am Done at 1 and more later. I’m tired. 🥱

Jun 18, 2024 1:55:48 PM Me

I’m ready to get out of this space ( metaphysical ) and get on with my life

Jun 18, 2024 4:18:05 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Things are shifting for you. There is movement in that direction. Have you noticed?

Jun 18, 2024 4:18:40 PM Me

I’ve noticed a couple of things but otherwise I’ve just been super busy

Jun 18, 2024 4:19:00 PM Me

Are you now among the living? What’s going on?

Jun 18, 2024 4:20:14 PM Me

I’m heading to Starbucks and then have to dash at 4:30 so until then I’m gonna go drink cold coffee and I need to share something with you. I got in the mail from a company based in New Hampshire, it’s a good idea for the business idea we’ve been thinking of.

Jun 18, 2024 4:23:02 PM Me

I got some printed materials in the mail from them, including a sticker, a little take away card and a letter. It wasn’t hand signed, but the content is good. It speaks to what we are proposing and presents some things in my mind. I wasn’t thinking about.

Jun 18, 2024 4:23:28 PM Me

So let me get to Starbucks and sit down then I will take pictures of what I got in the mail and send it to you.

Jun 18, 2024 4:24:09 PM Me

Also, I need to know if you’ve read what DJ sent, I have not because I wasn’t ready for it in the morning just yet. If you happen to read the email, let me know. Thanks.

Jun 18, 2024 5:09:24 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll read things when I get to hotel.

Jun 18, 2024 5:24:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K. What time so I stop bugging you?

Jun 18, 2024 5:36:06 PM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

9pm PST

Jun 18, 2024 6:34:52 PM Me

Ok

Jun 18, 2024 6:37:33 PM Me

I should be online then. Planning on washing my car at the DIY place in town after my dash is over at 7:30.

Jun 18, 2024 9:12:27 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 18, 2024 10:09:16 PM Me

Lmk on dis email 📧 I was hesitant to click on it because I’m having a modest day not full of many triggers and darkness so he seemed a little peeved just in the preview like I’ve been trying to get you guys. Where are you? So if you could read it and let me know if it’s Hard-core or anyway you know

Jun 18, 2024 10:22:41 PM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Straight forward email - asking if we our progressing together on this or not - communication has been not ideal. I have not been getting notifications from discord.

Jun 18, 2024 10:24:37 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Suggest we set up a meeting. I can do tomorrow after 2pm mst or Thursday between 11am and 3pm MST

Jun 18, 2024 11:01:16 PM Me

Okay I know an online tool for picking meetings and send it

Jun 18, 2024 11:01:41 PM Me

And me either on discord Do u have app installed??

Jun 18, 2024 11:02:15 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jun 18, 2024 11:49:01 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 18, 2024 11:54:16 PM Me

Your memory and your imagination make you suffer. What a brilliant thought.

Jun 18, 2024 11:54:19 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 18, 2024 11:54:47 PM Me

Isn’t it so?

Jun 19, 2024 8:20:39 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Can you do a 3pm mst zoom with DJ?

Jun 19, 2024 8:20:40 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 19, 2024 8:33:26 AM Me

Yes

Jun 19, 2024 8:33:47 AM Me

Sorry was dashing when you texted

Jun 19, 2024 8:34:21 AM Me

Today would have been the 25th wedding anniversary 😢😭

Jun 19, 2024 8:34:34 AM Me

Little upset today

Jun 19, 2024 8:35:47 AM Me

Crying a lot now

Jun 19, 2024 8:35:54 AM Me

Just texted liz

Jun 19, 2024 8:36:05 AM Me

| I wished you a happy anniversary because technically we’re still married
Edited 7 seconds later | I wished her a happy anniversary because technically we’re still married

Jun 19, 2024 1:18:30 PM Me

Applied to this this morning:

Jun 19, 2024 1:18:31 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Oracle

Jun 19, 2024 1:18:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Would be an outstanding gig. They have all the benefits.

Jun 19, 2024 2:44:45 PM Me

Hey there, I am in the car and on my way to a place where I should have good Wi-Fi. I may be running a minute or so late, but I’m in route please send me the meeting info.

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Jun 19, 2024 2:56:43 PM Me

Parked

Jun 19, 2024 3:00:49 PM Me

On computer, getting things setup

Jun 19, 2024 3:07:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 54 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Zoom link email

Jun 19, 2024 5:02:18 PM Me

Hola, Headed to Starbucks for the Wi-Fi and will crank on things. Are you at the hotel tonight? And if you heard from the coffee shop.

Jun 19, 2024 8:47:46 PM Me

Relatable

Jun 19, 2024 8:47:55 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jun 19, 2024 8:48:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Intense

Jun 19, 2024 8:48:15 PM Me

4 me

Jun 19, 2024 11:28:52 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jun 19, 2024 11:29:13 PM Me

I agree

Jun 20, 2024 9:47:05 AM Me

You going to sleep?

Jun 20, 2024 9:51:03 AM Me

I seem to be ruminating on everything. I’m finding my current situation is too comfortable meaning there’s not enough suffering going on. Things feel like they’re moving slower than glaciers.

Jun 20, 2024 10:24:24 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes) +13038752587

Be ready. I believe the ice jam will break soon and things will begin to flow.

Jun 20, 2024 10:25:15 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Was up for a call 📞 Going back to sleep 💤 for a few more hours

Jun 20, 2024 10:30:43 AM Me

K

Jun 20, 2024 12:18:18 PM Me

First day I've seen my approval drop below 5.0 This is good. It challenges my people pleasing

Jun 20, 2024 4:41:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hola

Jun 20, 2024 4:41:43 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Got two built, rest will be there EOD. Taking longer than thought

Jun 20, 2024 4:41:46 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

https://bertm18.sg-host.com/

Jun 20, 2024 4:41:54 PM Me

I like it tho

Jun 20, 2024 4:41:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Where its headed

Jun 20, 2024 4:42:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, more updates soon.

Jun 20, 2024 6:08:39 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎 I’ll be functioning more tomorrow

Jun 21, 2024 7:34:31 AM Me

Hi Woke up this morning and not feeling great. Just sad and crying all the time, or numb and dissociated. That or distracted by laptops or DoorDash. That’s my life in its entirety now. I feel disconnected from society and the world for a long time now. It really messes with your brain Ok, time to go be dissociated and disconnected more. I’m up and off to work at 6:30

Jun 21, 2024 7:35:39 AM Me

I’ll likely eclipse 50hours in 4 days

Jun 21, 2024 7:40:05 AM Me

Discouraged from over a year of all of this combined. I’m the definition of a loser in life and love. Maybe, sadly, my purpose is To feel deep hurt for a long time. Karmically I did something awful and I’m here to pay 💰 with suffering and tears.

Jun 21, 2024 7:42:45 AM Me

That’s how I see myself and my life now.

Jun 21, 2024 7:46:22 AM Me

Woke up this morning Some sketchy homeless dude voice walking around the outside of my car looking for something Not really a great way to wake up even though the guy probably harmless he looks very sketch and yeah, just really fucking weird way to wake up

Jun 21, 2024 8:31:44 AM Me

Having a really hard time this morning. Feeling that I want this over. Not searching, life. I don’t want to live anymore.

Jun 21, 2024 8:33:18 AM Me

Everyday is more of the same over and over 400+ days in a row.

Jun 21, 2024 8:33:45 AM Me

Nothing changes

Jun 21, 2024 8:34:31 AM Me

I’m not sure what I’m going to do but this is ending

Jun 21, 2024 9:06:57 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

The tide is turning - stay strong

Jun 21, 2024 9:07:12 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

I can chat 💬 momentarily

Jun 21, 2024 9:14:17 AM Me

Hey

Jun 21, 2024 9:32:14 AM Me

Jun 21, 2024 9:39:14 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Summertime

Jun 21, 2024 9:39:16 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 21, 2024 9:40:50 AM Me

It’s called sweating my ass off in my car

Jun 21, 2024 9:41:07 AM Me

The full moon is going to hit in about 28 minutes and I’m pretty sure it’s why I’m feeling all fucked up this morning

Jun 21, 2024 9:44:32 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Definitely has an effect on things

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Jun 21, 2024 9:43:46 AM Me

It’s been months honestly since I have felt any margin of relaxation or just feeling human. That would’ve been when I was last with Jenica. I’m not saying I can’t live without another person I can if I had my own place right now my head would not feel this fucked up. Not having a job and busting her ass to want to get one and then not having a place to live as long as I have just it’s a cultural thing it’s a society thing because look at the Indians. They moved around all the time anyhow I have to DoorDash in 15 minutes, my whole body hurts. My brain hurts. Which is feeling burned out on life

Jun 21, 2024 9:44:32 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Definitely has an effect on things

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 21, 2024 9:45:01 AM Me

What’s your schedule today and through the weekend to Monday?

Jun 21, 2024 9:45:17 AM Me

Are you among the living?

Jun 21, 2024 9:46:25 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes among the living. Kids today. Figuring out the weekend. back to night shift on Sunday.

Jun 21, 2024 9:47:01 AM Me

I know I’ve asked you, but I don’t think I ever saw the answer. If you heard anything from the coffee shop.

Jun 21, 2024 10:18:14 AM Me

Full moon and summer solstice

Jun 21, 2024 10:18:36 AM Me

In my mind by summer solstice, my current situation was long in the rearview mirror yet here I am

Jun 21, 2024 10:19:18 AM Me

It’s painful because I can remember my optimism at the time, knowing that if I worked hard things would happen and that hasn’t happened this time

Jun 21, 2024 10:36:55 AM +13038752587

Coffee shop made offer. I declined because we may not be here after August. I did not want to start and quit a month later. Ultimately, I have a salary that covers everything and Sarah will stay home with the girls.

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Jun 21, 2024 10:36:58 AM Me

Feel really bitter today and I’m fed the fuck up if anybody fucking pokes me today they are gonna get a fucking mouthful of fury because I’m just about fucking had my cup is full

Jun 21, 2024 10:38:01 AM +13038752587

When do you have a break from dashing? Go for some time in nature even if it’s only 15m

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Jun 21, 2024 10:53:10 AM ⇲ Me

I’ll try. Have a really hard headache from crying the first few hours of the day. Difficult to stay hopeful when you rejection is already waiting

Jun 21, 2024 10:40:26 AM Me

L I mean it’s a Friday full moon summer solstice. It’s like a fucking awesome day and people will probably be out having fun with all their friends today and tonight all over the place and I will be alone sleeping in my car in the park and that’s just yeah my whole life, not my whole life rather my life currently is just blowing by. I mean, you know I can walk. I’m mobile all that shit you know 20 years from now fuck 20 days from now. Who knows the fuck I’m gonna be doing I got a message about something I did three weeks ago and I thought it happened three fucking months ago that’s how skewed my head is, fuck

Jun 21, 2024 10:42:20 AM Me

All I know is is for some damn reason I end up sticking around better be fucking good. It better make my fucking toes curl and sing hallelujah

Jun 21, 2024 10:53:10 AM ⇱ Me

I’ll try. Have a really hard headache from crying the first few hours of the day. Difficult to stay hopeful when you rejection is already waiting
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 21, 2024 12:42:36 PM Me

So tired today. Think I may have had fight club last night My jaw kills and my teeth are slowly grinding down. Company I paid $2k to fix my teeth went out of business

Jun 21, 2024 12:42:49 PM Me

No recourse

Jun 21, 2024 1:02:42 PM Me

Left my card unlocked so car payment could go through. Going to cry. That’s all my money to live NOW, gone.

Jun 21, 2024 1:03:24 PM Me

Car doesn’t process payment immediately online. Happens sometime in a 48 hour window.

Jun 21, 2024 1:03:50 PM Me

I’m fucking crushed and embarrassingly crying in Starbucks right now

Jun 21, 2024 1:04:15 PM Me

Now I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.

Jun 21, 2024 1:09:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have no money for end of year dart party tomorrow. 😟 Its a pot luck, and I can’t bring anything. Makes me not want to go.

Jun 21, 2024 1:09:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Whole weekend is fucked now because of FUCKING ADOBE

Jun 21, 2024 2:02:40 PM Me

They took more than half the money I made yesterday. Just sucks sucks sucks sucks. Fucking destroys my weekend. I get to sit in my car all weekend now. Yay me

Jun 21, 2024 3:05:01 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

No it’s not - how much was Adobe

Jun 21, 2024 3:29:32 PM Me

$60

Jun 21, 2024 3:30:23 PM Me

Btw do you have a clean updated copy of divi theme?

Jun 21, 2024 3:38:24 PM Me

Could you email it to me or a link where I can download it, as much as I love the theme I’m using to build the group X site. I can probably do it faster and

Jun 21, 2024 3:39:42 PM Me

I know I can do multiple background images with text and buttons on top and treat them like sliders.

Jun 21, 2024 4:22:51 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes) +13038752587

Will send when I get home or making me admin on the site and I will install it

Jun 21, 2024 4:28:58 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok

Jun 21, 2024 4:54:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Are you home yet?

Jun 21, 2024 4:55:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

If not I’ll work on something else at the moment. 30 mins til my last big block for a few days. 4:30-7:30. I’ve had a headache all day long. I think the brightness of the sun fucks my eyes. Dont have contacts, and done have shades for prescription frames so I’m stuck drinking in the bright sun squinting all fucking day.

Jun 21, 2024 5:01:15 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Just got home

Jun 21, 2024 5:14:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Jun 21, 2024 5:39:47 PM Me

Any chance to send?

Jun 21, 2024 5:39:55 PM Me

Ive gotten nothing done today

Jun 21, 2024 5:40:00 PM Me

And tomorrow not sure.

Jun 21, 2024 5:41:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I dont go to darts, which is looking like it’s the case — no money for charging, entry fees or food. That was my $60. I have made $15 today, 4 hours. Doing 3 more now, but not optimistic. My gut is usually right with the app. When I feel like it’ll be busy, BAM. Same with slow.

Jun 21, 2024 5:41:57 PM Me

Anyhow…

Jun 21, 2024 5:42:49 PM Me

Darragh asked me to help him train this summer to prep for college. How can I say no to that? Once he takes off for school, he’s on his way to his adult life. 🥲

Jun 21, 2024 5:46:26 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Sweet

Jun 21, 2024 5:43:11 PM Me

Ok, got an order. Have to get off lap top.

Jun 21, 2024 5:43:19 PM Me

No wifi when not at Starbucks

Jun 21, 2024 5:43:36 PM Me

Send the link when you can. I’ll try tonight

Jun 21, 2024 5:46:12 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Link sent

Jun 21, 2024 6:34:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Looking in email and dont see it

Jun 21, 2024 5:46:26 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Sweet
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 21, 2024 6:05:11 PM Me

I know right? When he asked me in that split second my brain said OK you’re staying here for the summer so yeah that’s the plan right now. I just have to find a way to make more with the same amount of time invested because dollars per hour, this is less than minimum wage.

Jun 21, 2024 6:12:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Parked waiting for a delivery. Delivered a pizza. Now wait.

Jun 21, 2024 6:13:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

There must have been less people yesterday because I had more deliveries and I’ve had a lot of hours this week.

Jun 21, 2024 6:14:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Weird feeling I’ll maybe make $20 when this is done.

Jun 21, 2024 6:16:11 PM Me

Unfortunately no darts tomorrow sux 😟 busted my ass this week, 60 hours easily and was looking forward to that. Hell been looking forward to it since I heard about it most ago I was going to take a spot on the board for webmaster, but not sure I can make the commitment.

Jun 21, 2024 6:18:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can’t play dart league this summer, can’t afford to play. Got invited to go to a tournament with a bunch of guys from the league via the president of the league. Travel, hotel rooms, the whole weekend type of bullshit thing — again no money no equity and can’t go. I have to make up a bullshit reason. Dont really want to divulge my situation to the dart league.

Jun 21, 2024 6:18:45 PM Me

Fuck its hot in this car. 90+

Jun 21, 2024 6:19:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No ac, eats too much battery and dont have money for recharges 😟

Jun 21, 2024 6:21:03 PM Me

All of that bullshit being said above… I accept it. It is what is so. And in this moment, that is what it is. It could change in my favor, however, I’m pessimistic its even plausible.

Jun 21, 2024 6:21:23 PM Me

Remember there is only now.

Jun 21, 2024 6:21:34 PM Me

And right now, I’m in a shit situation

Jun 21, 2024 6:22:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I accept it, even tho bitching about it.

Jun 21, 2024 6:34:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Looking in email and dont see it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 21, 2024 6:45:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Any ideas?

Jun 21, 2024 6:45:55 PM Me

Was hoping to have this done today. Its dragging on me

Jun 21, 2024 7:34:59 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Email full - did not send

Jun 21, 2024 7:35:06 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Working on it now

Jun 21, 2024 7:43:20 PM Me

Oh

Jun 21, 2024 7:43:21 PM Me

K

Jun 21, 2024 7:44:19 PM Me

Doing a delivery right now.

Jun 21, 2024 7:44:30 PM Me

Then about 30 mins left

Jun 21, 2024 7:48:16 PM Me

Fuck have 20 miles left

Jun 21, 2024 8:13:22 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Sent

Jun 21, 2024 9:10:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Dont see it

Jun 21, 2024 9:11:00 PM ⇲ Me

Is there a link to a dropbox, or something?

Jun 21, 2024 9:11:03 PM ⇲ Me

iCloud?

Jun 21, 2024 9:11:17 PM ⇲ Me

Googledrive?

Jun 21, 2024 8:46:16 PM Me

Cool thx

Jun 21, 2024 8:47:40 PM Me

Got down to 8 miles on last delivery Charging now then buying water. Sweaty today

Jun 21, 2024 8:48:34 PM Me

Haven’t had a beer all week

Jun 21, 2024 8:50:06 PM Me

I may have one tonight. Been a long week and going to practice lots of darts tonight. I’ve almost got my throw back. Been throwing since November. 7 months. Makes sense I was off the board for a year

Jun 21, 2024 8:51:08 PM Me

What I love is the better players in the league see my game progressing faster than anyone 😜 Once I can finish solid, it’s game on

Jun 21, 2024 9:10:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Dont see it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 21, 2024 9:11:00 PM ⇱ Me

Is there a link to a dropbox, or something?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 21, 2024 9:11:03 PM ⇱ Me

iCloud?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 21, 2024 9:11:17 PM ⇱ Me

Googledrive?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 21, 2024 9:37:51 PM Me

The card and it automatically took $20 out of my Dasher account. So the money I made on my last cash is gone. I don’t have any water I’m kind of fucked

Jun 21, 2024 9:38:32 PM Me

I tell you man without fail I get an inch ahead and something comes in and takes me out at the fucking knees every fucking time

Jun 21, 2024 9:39:50 PM Me

Okay off to bed then Not going to work. I’ve been working since 730 and it’s 8:40. I do this every fucking night and I beat myself up because I don’t think I’m doing enough and I’m fucking spinning my wheels 13 hours a day just set up man.

Jun 21, 2024 9:40:15 PM Me

A pop

Jun 21, 2024 10:04:15 PM Me

My bet is you fell asleep when the girls to bed which wouldn’t surprise me so I guess send me again or send me the link. I’ve been eager to get my hands on it and for whatever fucking reason it’s nowhere on any of my drives which mystifies me. I wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass about it if I could find. OK, sorry to pollute timeline.

Jun 21, 2024 10:09:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok, I have it distilled. The sense of loneliness in the midst of people everywhere.

Jun 22, 2024 8:49:00 AM Me

Hello

Jun 22, 2024 8:49:10 AM Me

I am sad 😔

Jun 22, 2024 8:59:08 AM Me

No end of year dart party for me today. 😢 Made hundreds of dollars to pay my car and I only have $15 left. Dashing now but no orders. Its potluck and byob. I'm not going to show up empty handed that's not ok with me. I probably caught some breaks making money this week to pay the car, which is great, but then to not be able to go have fun (how often is that in my life now?) really sucks when I've been looking forward to it for months. Ok. Done ranting. I have one more 30minute window for dashing before the party today. The other 2 dash spots I have today are during the dart event today. So I can go make a lillte money ($15) while I miss the event. I accept it. It's my life

Jun 22, 2024 9:11:28 AM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Go to the reduced section of the grocery store and find something cheap to bring. Drink water. You have to put out positive vibrations to attract positive outcomes. The universe will give you what you expect.

Jun 22, 2024 9:11:59 AM Me

I’ve accepted that I’m not going and I’m gonna go sit and work on the computer. I have plenty of things I need to take care of.

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Jun 22, 2024 9:12:16 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 22, 2024 9:12:30 AM Me

I’m just really upset

Jun 22, 2024 9:13:02 AM +13038752587

Resent link 🔗 to berchman@me.com

Jun 22, 2024 9:13:12 AM +13038752587

Google bounced it last night

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Jun 22, 2024 9:13:17 AM Me

I rarely Get to do anything I find truly enjoyable, and this was one of the reasons I stuck around in California. But now I’m kind of regretting it.

Jun 22, 2024 9:15:31 AM Me

Could’ve blown out of here right after graduation, which is like almost 3 weeks ago

Jun 22, 2024 9:17:00 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

But then you would have missed the real reason you are there. To surprise time to work with Darrag on his game.

Jun 22, 2024 9:21:21 AM ⇲ Me

Potentially true because I Would have left before he asked me. He did not ask me until well after graduation.

Jun 22, 2024 9:16:02 AM Me

I’m just angry. I’m angry pretty much all the time.

Jun 22, 2024 9:16:07 AM +13038752587

If it means that much to you and you can get there(battery)… GO! Stop with the limiting beliefs you need xyz - people will be happy you came and not care about potluck -(there will probably be too much anyway)

Jun 22, 2024 9:16:33 AM Me

I have zero patience, and zero tolerance for any bullshit. I’m incredibly fucking mean to myself and it just goes on every fucking day.

Jun 22, 2024 9:17:00 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

But then you would have missed the real reason you are there. To surprise time to work with Darrag on his game.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 22, 2024 9:17:18 AM Me

Doesn’t matter which pill I take which fucking YouTube channel I watch doesn’t matter if I sleep upside down or with a dildo on my ass something outside of me shifts I can shift. I’ve already shifted enough in this whole fucking thing and I’m done.

Jun 22, 2024 9:21:21 AM ⇱ Me

Potentially true because I Would have left before he asked me. He did not ask me until well after graduation.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 22, 2024 9:24:25 AM Me

I’m sorry for dropping my bullshit on you. I need to figure out another way to rent then to pollute your text thread.

Jun 22, 2024 9:28:07 AM Me

I carry a lot of shit every day around in my head and I just don’t have any fucking patience. I don’t have the ability at least right now given my current state to relax at all, at any time. I get frustrated with anything or anyone who are in my way.

Jun 22, 2024 9:30:46 AM Me

All I have are limiting beliefs.

Jun 22, 2024 9:32:25 AM Me

I can not be kind to myself. That has to be earned and come from outside me. Something I learned VERY EARLY “you can't have it because you don't deserve it” That has ruled me

Jun 22, 2024 9:33:10 AM Me

And logically I can't get around the “you get when you earn” crux

Jun 22, 2024 9:33:29 AM Me

That's capitalism

Jun 22, 2024 9:37:41 AM Me

Other thing Im aware of is loneliness. Weird juxtaposition of feeling insanely lonely, but not wanting to be out in large crowds. I'm alone at least 23+ of every 24 hours. You're the only person I text every day. Most ppl get a text when they send something to me, or I need to ask something

Jun 22, 2024 11:36:29 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Something that is on my horizon. Siteground renewal for $300 and change. I dont have that. 😟

Jun 22, 2024 11:39:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey, still not seeing Divi

Jun 22, 2024 11:39:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😟

Jun 22, 2024 11:54:54 AM Me

Something that just crossed my mind. It’s not easy to get over $450 piled up when all these deliveries are four and five dollars. And then I get shit like a Dobie. I’m barely keeping enough in the account for the car payment to hit. It still has not hit and driving me nuts

Jun 22, 2024 12:14:57 PM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

Cancel adobe

Jun 22, 2024 12:15:38 PM Me

Spotify

Jun 22, 2024 12:15:54 PM +13038752587

Work on prototype- that’s a paying project. Set assure group x until that’s completed

Jun 22, 2024 12:19:11 PM Me

Ok

Jun 22, 2024 12:19:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Still would like the theme 😊

Jun 22, 2024 12:19:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m at Starbucks working now.

Jun 22, 2024 12:19:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Done dashing. Made $20

Jun 22, 2024 12:21:20 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Send me login for site and I will install it but but activate it

Jun 22, 2024 12:35:01 PM Me

Ok sounds good

Jun 22, 2024 8:10:11 PM Me

Hi

Jun 22, 2024 8:10:41 PM Me

I want to text Jenica I'm afraid if I wait until my life is perfect it may be too late

Jun 22, 2024 8:11:17 PM Me

Thinking about her alot

Jun 22, 2024 8:12:29 PM Me

I'm sick of the lonliness

Jun 22, 2024 9:36:10 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Off to bed - just seeing this

Jun 22, 2024 9:38:23 PM Me

Ok

Jun 22, 2024 9:38:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Take action in the direction of what you want. Do not take action from a place of fear.

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Jun 22, 2024 9:38:49 PM ⇲ Me

Makes sense

Jun 22, 2024 9:38:46 PM +13038752587

Hope you had a good time at darts 🎯 glad you went

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Jun 22, 2024 9:38:49 PM ⇱ Me

Makes sense
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 22, 2024 9:39:10 PM Me

Just done

Jun 22, 2024 9:39:58 PM Me

I can’t decide if I should go from here to the bars in Ventura and see if I can run into her. But I don’t know if I should try to force it.

Jun 22, 2024 9:45:38 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

If you go out and don’t see her, are you ok with that? If you go out and see her and she does not want to talk are you ok with that?

Jun 22, 2024 10:05:30 PM Me

Yes and yes

Jun 22, 2024 10:06:34 PM Me

I'm at Transmission Brewing and don't see her. Or anyone from her crew

Jun 22, 2024 10:07:16 PM Me

Going to head back up to Ojai.

Jun 22, 2024 10:08:05 PM Me

not going to hop around

Jun 22, 2024 10:12:19 PM Me

I have a soup of emotions right now. I'm really unhappy with so much

Jun 22, 2024 10:13:12 PM Me

I was thinking tonight at darts How nice it would be to go home to a place rather than driving to some parking lot Standing there, realizing that everybody there has a place to go but me

Jun 22, 2024 10:16:19 PM Me

I also had suicidal ideation going on inside my head at Darts, which I found really fucking interesting. I was thinking of the way that I could use my current pharmaceutical blend. Fuck me up in a way that would just take care of business. Paragraph it’s just impossible to convey the sense of loss and loneliness that I have.

Jun 22, 2024 10:21:48 PM Me

I'm never going to shake this feeling and way of thinking The overwhelm of rejection and loss.

Jun 22, 2024 10:32:23 PM Me

Feel like I’m having one of those hundred thousand foot moments of clarity and that is my life simply is not worth living. I’ve had a year of rejection that season no end, I put myself out there because I just wanna make a connection and I made the perfect one only to have it disappear on me like I haven’t dealt with enough rejection and lost but to meet her and then have that happen. It’s just so fucking cruel.

Jun 22, 2024 10:34:45 PM Me

I’m driving back up to Ojai and I’m almost there and I gotta say I don’t wanna wake up tomorrow and DoorDash keep on doing this bullshit every day

Jun 22, 2024 10:35:03 PM Me

I can’t fucking take this anymore. I got a good mind to go over to Lake Casitas and just drive off the fucking cliff.

Jun 23, 2024 11:07:05 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning.

Jun 23, 2024 11:09:59 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey

Jun 23, 2024 11:30:08 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Glad to be speaking(texting)to you 😀

Jun 23, 2024 11:30:24 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Has the darkness retreated

Jun 23, 2024 12:08:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not really. Was here hard this morning again. First two hours of every day are really hard. Like I’ve lived a whole day in a couple hours. 11am over here and exhausted.

Jun 23, 2024 12:09:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I texted Jenica this morning. She replied by I’m hesitant to click and read the reply. Not sure I’m ready to read it for fear of triggering myself and being useless all day.

Jun 23, 2024 12:22:21 PM Me

Trying to get Darragh to commit to a schedule for training. Since it’s summer mornings make the most sense I’m just not sure he’s gonna be awake for that ha ha ha ha

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Jun 23, 2024 1:22:39 PM Me

Hey, I can hear on that call. Don't know how I'm connected Now that Darts is over officially for the summer, except there is summer league, I don’t have any reason to stay here other than to spend time with him. Probably last time I'll have the chance to hangout with him a bunch.

Jun 23, 2024 1:27:38 PM Me

I was listening to you on my dads speaker phone but can't hear anymore.

Jun 23, 2024 1:29:01 PM Me

I know ur talking about me and my situation.

Jun 23, 2024 1:29:40 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Yes and how we can help

Jun 23, 2024 1:29:50 PM +13038752587

I’ll text you after

Jun 23, 2024 1:30:01 PM Me

K

Jun 23, 2024 1:55:55 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Hey, OK the conversation was about how we help you cover your basics expenses during and after and help you find a program to get you mentally healthy. Lots of love ❤️ out here for you.

Jun 23, 2024 2:02:49 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be unavailable until 3

Jun 23, 2024 2:52:17 PM Me

Ok

Jun 23, 2024 2:52:24 PM Me

I dash at 3-4

Jun 23, 2024 2:52:40 PM Me

Then 6-6:30 That's it

Jun 23, 2024 2:54:46 PM Me

Also, heard back from Jenica. Wasn't what I wanted to read or hear, but I know her perspective now. Sadly, it was FUN while it lasted. Anyhow

Jun 23, 2024 2:55:14 PM Me

Feeling waaaaaaaay less stressed today. Just sad

Jun 23, 2024 2:56:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m dissociated — life is easier this way, at least for the moment.

Jun 23, 2024 4:19:50 PM Me

Let me know when you have caught up on my texts

Jun 23, 2024 4:20:03 PM Me

I’m dashing right now until four next top of the hour

Jun 23, 2024 4:28:13 PM Me

I’ll share that in contacting Jenica today. I have closed the loop and closed the door on that possibility. I don’t feel sad. I feel light. there is knowing that I’ve now forked off onto another path; she’s not in it. I no longer have that gnawing sense that I'm missing out. Should’ve would’ve could’ve. I have no doubts now. I'm clear. I feel as if there’s less stuff going on in my head if that makes any sense. More free in the mind.

Jun 23, 2024 4:28:41 PM Me

Also over 100° right now

Jun 23, 2024 5:56:40 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Got your messages

Jun 23, 2024 5:59:06 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Taking some down time before getting ready for work.

Jun 23, 2024 6:04:05 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Knowns, even unwelcomed ones, are much easier to navigate than unknowns. Knowns are what they are. Unknowns are the land of imagination.

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Jun 23, 2024 6:14:08 PM Me

More bandwidth now. Like a pressure valve honestly. Going to buzz my beard off. I'm done with this chapter within a chapter. Need some change

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Jun 23, 2024 6:15:13 PM Me

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Jun 23, 2024 6:35:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, you should have an email for website

Jun 23, 2024 6:36:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Can you install divi or throw my way? I want to get the framework setup so you and DJ can get in there and start doing the content adjustments. I can go back in and style tweak as needed.

Jun 23, 2024 7:28:05 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Installed not activated

Jun 23, 2024 7:28:06 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 23, 2024 7:28:16 PM Me

| I got to say, I’ve been feeling it over the past 23 weeks leading up to the full moon as you know from my texts over the past many weeks, then fucking banana shit crazy. I wouldn’t blame anyone for thinking that the house is on fire in the midst of, I have been feeling a giant shift and didn’t want to say anything but today it feels very significant like I mentioned that lightness. You know how I am to every single Adam in my body and I’ll just say that things feel much better today
Edited 1 minute, 3 seconds later | I got to say, I’ve been feeling it over the past 2 to 3 weeks leading up to the full moon as you know from my texts over the past many weeks, then fucking banana shit crazy. I wouldn’t blame anyone for thinking that the house is on fire in the midst of, I have been feeling a giant shift and didn’t want to say anything but today it feels very significant like I mentioned that lightness. You know how I am tuned into every single atom in my body and I’ll just say that things feel much better today

Jun 23, 2024 7:31:04 PM Me

I'm also now in The zone where the higher dosage meds are kicking in

Jun 23, 2024 8:41:29 PM Me

The data don’t lie. You can see the hustle. That dip from four weeks ago was when my parents and your mom were here and you see the week before that. I was crushing it around 250 and then for whatever reason I think it’s algorithms it takes time to build up reliability I guess , not sure. I did have my single best day ever this past week I made over $100 but that was a lot of driving.

Jun 23, 2024 8:43:48 PM Me

Under $500 for 37 hrs being on call. You see what I mean. I ain’t slacking

Jun 23, 2024 8:44:11 PM Me

Jun 23, 2024 8:44:28 PM Me

Most are multi dash days

Jun 23, 2024 8:45:44 PM Me

I really think DoorDash is the perfect thing if you have something you want to buy that is $5000 or less in a few months doing it a few days a week, not humping it like me, you’d be able to get there on a slow drip

Jun 23, 2024 8:46:07 PM Me

It’s a perfect thing for building vacation funds

Jun 23, 2024 10:50:51 PM Me

Dude, are you awake? Are you at the hotel?

Jun 23, 2024 10:51:30 PM Me

Don’t stress everything‘s OK I’m not in a hysterical fit of emotional circus

Jun 23, 2024 10:52:10 PM Me

I’m simply curious if you got the email to get into the site

Jun 23, 2024 11:32:39 PM +13038752587

Awake at hotel

Jun 23, 2024 11:32:56 PM +13038752587

Divi is installed but not active

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Jun 24, 2024 1:19:52 AM Me

Good night and good morning. Just crashing. Up at 5:30 to dash

Jun 24, 2024 1:24:38 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

😴 well

Jun 24, 2024 7:51:28 AM Me

Hey 👋 So far nada orders

Jun 24, 2024 7:51:41 AM Me

How r u?

Jun 24, 2024 8:20:44 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Just leaving work

Jun 24, 2024 8:20:56 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Tired - 🥱

Jun 24, 2024 8:21:24 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

But morning time energy too

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Jun 24, 2024 10:50:03 AM Me

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Jun 24, 2024 5:14:30 PM Me

Hola. Check in with DJ about meeting up

Jun 24, 2024 5:15:34 PM Me

Also I emailed this to Darragh just now. Saw him in Starbucks on his way to LA to watch Brazil 🇧🇷 play ⚽️

Jun 24, 2024 5:15:44 PM Me

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR ADULT 🎈😁 And please let me apologize for not reaching out yesterday. Mea culpa—Please forgive me 🙏 It's hard to believe you are now an official adult with all the rights and privileges. I remember the day you were born very well. One thing that stood out was they didn't let me in to see you born. Aidan and Declan yes, but I think hospital changed the policy. Anyhow, you were an awesome little person and now your an awesome adult. So proud of your accomplishments and hard work, and dedication. Remember two things: 1. Confidence vs Fear I can tell you I regret letting fear stop me over my life in so many different situations worried about what other people think. Stop for a moment and reflect on how much time you spend dwelling on others? Exactly. In the moments of fear I'm blinded to the fact that I don't get do overs. Some chances only visit once and offer themselves. I've lived that multiple times in this life. Consider this a heads up for you going forward. obviously, be prudent, but I think you get what I mean. ☺️ — 2. Never doubt yourself a. Everyone fakes it until they make it. b. Everyone makes it up as they go along, even the ‘experts’ Both are 1000% true. — I love you Darragh You've unlocked the accomplishment of “Proud Papa” I look forward to seeing where life takes you. ❤️Papa ps. Srsly don't hate me for not reaching out yesterday 😔

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Jun 24, 2024 6:45:51 PM Me

Hey, taking a break, going to go get food and then I’ll be back on group x

Jun 24, 2024 6:45:58 PM Me

We’re meeting tomorrow morning, correct??

Jun 24, 2024 7:33:51 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Did we set a time? Mornings the next two days is not good for me

Jun 24, 2024 9:03:12 PM ⇲ Me

I believe it’s tomorrow. Said he was going to send an invite

Jun 24, 2024 7:40:35 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

DJ wanted to meet this morning. I reset discord as I did not get notifications 📣

Jun 24, 2024 7:41:24 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Q- what’s up with app project? I don’t believe you responded the last few times I asked

Jun 24, 2024 8:13:05 PM ⇲ Me

Been working on it

Jun 24, 2024 8:13:10 PM ⇲ Me

More tonight

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Jun 24, 2024 8:13:05 PM ⇱ Me

Been working on it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 24, 2024 8:13:10 PM ⇱ Me

More tonight

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 24, 2024 9:03:12 PM ⇱ Me

I believe it’s tomorrow. Said he was going to send an invite
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 24, 2024 9:03:29 PM Me

Haven’t looked Just done with my walk

Jun 24, 2024 9:03:52 PM Me

I’m feeling sad.

Jun 24, 2024 9:11:53 PM Me

honestly, I don’t think I feel anything other than the sad is my new normal, rather not new normal. It’s been my normal for a few years now. I think that’s why I feel dissociated so much. For example, today I go walking and I go by people people I say hello no communication. It’s as if I go through the world and people don’t see me. For real it happens all the fucking time to me. That’s why I get so fucking angry and I start swearing calling everybody a fucking ass fuck! I have a real distain for people right now. Like being in crowds or out where there’s loud music like a concert or something. I don’t want to do those things anymore. I don’t wanna go out and be around and socialize just a fucking waste of time.

Jun 24, 2024 9:13:38 PM Me

Like that’s the thing everybody still has is this optimism that things will turn around. When you in my situation, there’s a certain point where you lose that Too many days in a row of lost hope. It’s very much why the fuck bother mode.

Jun 24, 2024 9:16:01 PM Me

Really wish I had my own place. This sux

Jun 24, 2024 10:36:23 PM Me

you online tonight

Jun 24, 2024 11:34:02 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 32 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jun 25, 2024 8:07:24 AM Me

I just finished my first delivery at 7 AM. I’m not fucking around as a lot of people might think I’m having a fucking grand time sitting on my ass, but I’m fucking hustling 14 hours a day and I’m getting up there on the number of days in a row I’ve done that.

Jun 25, 2024 8:08:10 AM Me

I’m also sick of it and for whatever reason have a gigantic amount of Shame

Jun 25, 2024 8:32:48 AM +13038752587

I feel you! Shame comes from judgement. Be proud of your effort. Change the vibration from negative to positive

Jun 25, 2024 8:33:39 AM +13038752587

Long day/night Off to sleep 💤 Be back around 3 PST

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Jun 25, 2024 9:34:44 AM Me

By the way, I am meeting with DJ and his friend in France today at 9:30 so I will see if I can either record it or have AI transcribe it or something. And at the very least I’ll have notes and can share them with you. I just know that DJ is eager to, get the horse out of the barn and I’ll be working on that site today too as well as the mobile OK. OK I am off to coffee and just done dashing for two hours 630 to 830 only made 14 bucks for one more hour today 330 to 430 so todayis work on your project and get shit done day

Jun 25, 2024 11:47:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dude. Just off call with DJ and Vic. Vic is sharp, super nice guy, deep finance background and is into design thinking. He described his core role as figuring out strategy, what is the customer going to use, where is the money?, and using that information to make informed decisions on where to target. I like his thinking because he comes at things from a space I have little knowledge in other than topical/superficial. Vic is CFO level, guy. Look out for DJs email, we’re going to meet again on Friday. I think if we can find the right target and get into that space we could line up some work. Vic has some interesting ideas on how to get into spaces through Conferences and Reports.

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Jun 26, 2024 8:35:28 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 26 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep 😴 I’ll be up in this afternoon and online.

Jun 26, 2024 8:35:43 AM +13038752587

Have a great day!

Jun 26, 2024 8:49:22 AM Me

Ok

Jun 26, 2024 8:49:26 AM Me

Dashing

Jun 26, 2024 10:24:16 AM Me

Not too bad 2.5 hours

Jun 26, 2024 2:08:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Is it hard to break a narcissist's heart? Breaking a narcissist’s heart is completely different than breaking a normal person’s heart. A narcissist is influenced by other things, and in order to break his heart, you must first understand how the narcissist’s mind works and how his brain works. A narcissist doesn’t care about love and closeness. He cares about power and control. A threat to his power or control will break his heart. - Dude… hreat to his power or control will break his heart I upset her horsecar. Her power, and she didnt like it none. She still cannot converse with me in person. She is unable to look at me at all. I look at her face when I’m in her presence and she avoids eye contact or looking at me — QUITE intentional, naturally when relaxed people gander everywhere. Anyway, the simple fact that I can stand, relaxed, and look her straight in the eye without saying a word, and she cannot — and has never been able to for 30 years. She always said it was too much, as if feeling the emotions full firehose level is no can do. I had the ability to stare deeply into Jenicas eyes. She could hold a gaze with me. For me, that’s such an important part of the intimacy — simply hug/hold one another and look into one another’s eye’s, no words, no sounds, just being with the other being. Huge reason I was so hot for Jenica. Its intense, and I LOVE it. 😊 OK, back to work. I noticed some typos on my website when looking at another thing. Went full paranoid and I’m combing through the site now and double checking everything

Jun 26, 2024 4:55:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Already did 8.5 hours today. 4 more to go.

Jun 26, 2024 4:56:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also I never know what day it is anymore. They are all the same to me now.

Jun 26, 2024 4:56:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K, on the move. Will ping when I’m stationary again

Jun 26, 2024 5:32:36 PM Me

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Jun 26, 2024 8:01:43 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 26, 2024 8:02:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I just emailed Greg my mobile app client 19 screens that are designed, their screen captures because the interactivity still has some bugs in it, but I wanted to give him an update. He hasn’t seen anything in a couple of weeks since actually graduation so. I wanted to let you know I sent that to him today and I’m doing my best to stay on top of all my shit and all the plates I got spinning

Jun 26, 2024 8:02:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m at the market now getting some dinner food and then I will be working on my art

Jun 26, 2024 8:07:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I miss being a family man

Jun 26, 2024 8:07:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Enjoy it Sux I’ll never have Xmas the same

Jun 27, 2024 8:38:29 AM Me

Hey

Jun 27, 2024 10:26:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, I am Direct Messaging with the Chief Experience Officer at Quicken. Yes, that Quicken. They’re hiring a designer. 3 days a week in LA. Lead Product Designer for Quicken Loans (Comp: $145K-193K +10% bonus target)

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Jun 27, 2024 10:26:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2 other days are remote

Jun 27, 2024 10:27:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I could easily take that salary 😉

Jun 27, 2024 11:26:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is a link for you to write a review about me on the house sitter website. Mention my love of animals and that I’ve had them all my life. I vibe with them. let me know if you have ?s

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Jun 27, 2024 11:26:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.trustedhousesitters.com/provide-reference/afa1a215fbef3ecb/?utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=reference-request&utm_campaign=reference-request

Jun 27, 2024 12:27:50 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

On my way down to the front range. We have a benefit for Lucas on Saturday so I am driving for the next 3 1/2 four hours. I can talk but I can’t text and I haven’t had chance to read all your text see something you might be hiking this weekend. I’d be awesome.

Jun 27, 2024 1:12:24 PM Me

I have a lot moving right now. Had my JSC meeting today. Two people out of the five of us now have jobs. Christina got a job at Disney the second person to get one. Iris and Kerry are both hot on things right now and have interviews and I think I’m in last place among my contemporaries.

Jun 27, 2024 3:41:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dooooooooood. Just finished my divorce webinar.

Jun 27, 2024 3:41:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know all the steps and forms to make shit happen now.

Jun 27, 2024 3:42:25 PM Me

If I hustle, I could get my forms in tomorrow. Mainly because I have no assets, just the shirt on my back.

Jun 27, 2024 3:43:57 PM (Read by them after 21 seconds) Me

The fact I was married for 22 years before separation means I will get a judgement in my favor, especially in light of my fee waiver because I’m on Medi-cal. No dispute. On medi-cal? AUTOMATIC fee waiver! I am the poors. So I can file tomorrow if I can get it all filled out in the next 24 hours.

Jun 27, 2024 3:44:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The other thing. In CA, if you’re married > 10 years its considered “long term” marriage and you can get spousal support in perpetuity

Jun 27, 2024 3:45:02 PM Me

😜

Jun 27, 2024 3:45:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

She may be working to provide me a life I had become accustomed to.

Jun 27, 2024 3:46:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And separation of all assets during our marriage. Her retirement account is going to me half mine. > $100k Furniture, paintings

Jun 27, 2024 3:46:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I remember saying to her….

Jun 27, 2024 3:46:38 PM Me

One day, you will regret this.

Jun 27, 2024 3:46:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I might have that day penciled in soon. Serving her the summons. 😊

Jun 27, 2024 3:47:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She has NO IDEA its coming. She’ll be surprised that I have my shit together that much to file on my own.,

Jun 27, 2024 3:47:59 PM Me

I know she’s distracted by her mom (and I dont get any of whatever Sallie left her because that happened after our separation)

Jun 27, 2024 3:48:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It helped SO MUCH to spend an hour and go thru that.

Jun 27, 2024 3:48:21 PM Me

I want to take the guy out for a beer

Jun 27, 2024 3:48:48 PM Me

OK, back to work now. Been going since 6:30am

Jun 27, 2024 6:17:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Emailed you something to look at. Its for my website

Jun 27, 2024 7:36:00 PM Me

Hello??

Jun 27, 2024 7:39:31 PM Me

Yeah tomorrow morning from 930 to 1030. I think we scheduled that because earlier this week you said that late in the week mornings worked

Jun 28, 2024 8:35:23 AM Me

Can you do the meeting today?

Jun 28, 2024 8:36:47 AM Me

Oh, and good morning

Jun 28, 2024 8:45:54 AM Me

Supreme Court allows punishment for homeless sleeping

Jun 28, 2024 8:46:00 AM Me

https://www.npr.org/2024/06/28/nx-s1-4992010/supreme-court-homeless-punish-sleeping-encampments

Jun 28, 2024 10:01:42 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

I may be able to do a get meeting. Just me and you or for group x

Jun 28, 2024 10:04:17 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Groups

Jun 28, 2024 10:04:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

25 mins

Jun 28, 2024 10:23:35 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Just checked and I can’t do today. Have otter record it.

Jun 28, 2024 10:23:53 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Celebrating Sarah’s bday

Jun 28, 2024 10:29:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ok. I can tell him, but can you ping DJ?

Jun 28, 2024 10:40:02 AM (Read by you after 3 hours, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Vic is unable to attend today as well.

Jun 28, 2024 10:40:33 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 59 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Check discord.

Jun 28, 2024 1:43:30 PM Me

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Jun 28, 2024 2:34:26 PM Me

I’ve lived that

Jun 28, 2024 2:34:41 PM Me

World taking it all away

Jun 28, 2024 2:34:47 PM Me

Sux

Jun 28, 2024 2:35:37 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

😢

Jun 28, 2024 2:36:05 PM Me

Nobody gives a shit 💩 about you, unless you give a shit 💩 about you —me, reflection on what I’ve learned

Jun 28, 2024 2:36:15 PM +13038752587

True

Jun 28, 2024 2:36:36 PM Me

That said

Jun 28, 2024 2:47:17 PM Me

I’m still learning to give a shit 💩 about myself. Honest. I know there’s no magic 🪄 day, place, time, person, place or anything that is going to make me feel good from my roots. So many live lives chasing shit 💩 to fill the holes 🕳️ I feel sadness for them. Because whenever they get it It doesn’t matter or make it better. It doesn’t heal you. So I’ll not go on I’ll simply say There is no there, There is no someday, There is only the perpetual here & now. Now and now again. Over and over Infinity There’s no forward There is no back There is only now Each moment a chance to choose something else, something new Now and now again Over and over Word!

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Jun 28, 2024 6:04:34 PM Me

I’m livid mad right now I could fucking scream. DoorDash serves me up a $30 delivery I accepted the delivery walk to my car car disappears

Jun 28, 2024 6:06:57 PM Me

Just so fucking angry that would’ve made me be able to pay storage

Jun 28, 2024 6:07:06 PM Me

No, I’m still short to pay storage and I can’t fucking eat

Jun 28, 2024 6:08:03 PM Me

I’m just kind of losing my shit right now and I don’t have any fucking recourse

Jun 28, 2024 6:16:13 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Car disappeared?

Jun 28, 2024 6:16:14 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jun 28, 2024 6:20:43 PM Me

No, the order disappeared off of my app after I accepted it’s like they took it away from me after I said yes

Jun 28, 2024 6:20:54 PM Me

I was pissed because I could’ve done that one delivery and been done

Jun 28, 2024 6:21:24 PM +13038752587

Ahh

Jun 28, 2024 6:21:45 PM Me

I just did a delivery and I think I have enough to pay for my storage unit so they don’t lock me out of it.

Jun 28, 2024 6:22:11 PM Me

I still have 40 more minutes on this DoorDash. I still have more work to do and I’m fucking exhausted all week. It’s been 6:30 AM to 10 PM.

Jun 28, 2024 6:22:52 PM Me

I just don’t wanna do this anymore

Jun 28, 2024 6:23:01 PM Me

I hate my life

Jun 28, 2024 6:23:38 PM Me

I get to spend all day tomorrow, filling out, government forms for health insurance and for the divorce

Jun 28, 2024 6:26:05 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Will you get snap

Jun 28, 2024 6:24:16 PM Me

Meanwhile, time moves on, and I’m just so disconnected from everybody and everything. I have a giant feeling I just being left behind

Jun 28, 2024 6:25:04 PM Me

Other thing I realize is all never find somebody that gets gets me

Jun 28, 2024 6:26:19 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Not true

Jun 28, 2024 6:25:23 PM Me

Probably the thing I want more than anything

Jun 28, 2024 6:26:02 PM Me

I’ve had a crushing headache all day I’ve already done over 10 hours of work and there’s at least two more

Jun 28, 2024 6:26:05 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Will you get snap
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 28, 2024 6:26:18 PM Me

I have no idea what I’m gonna get

Jun 28, 2024 6:26:19 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Not true
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 28, 2024 6:26:40 PM Me

That is true because I am not putting myself out there. Period. I can’t do it nor do I want to do it.

Jun 28, 2024 6:26:54 PM +13038752587

One step at a time.

Jun 28, 2024 6:27:06 PM +13038752587

Get state benes

Jun 28, 2024 6:27:06 PM Me

Too many variables out of control, and I’ve had enough fucking disruption in my life for multiple lifetimes

Jun 28, 2024 6:27:29 PM Me

I mean, I still walk around with buckets of shame and embarrassment for where the fuck I am

Jun 28, 2024 6:33:07 PM ⇲ +13038752587

How’s your that working for you?

Jun 28, 2024 6:28:01 PM Me

Felt around Jenica it was like what the fuck you can’t get your shit together dude? Come on man get your fucking

Jun 28, 2024 6:28:11 PM Me

Shit together

Jun 28, 2024 6:30:30 PM Me

apparently, it’s a holiday weekend and I had no fucking idea that it was even the weekend. Which means I have to watch a lot of people enjoying themselves and having a fucking grand old time all over Ojai. Plus the Fourth of July was the night Liz put the pillow over her face and then claim she was getting raped so yay anniversary. don’t fucking care anymore. I just do not care what happens to me.

Jun 28, 2024 6:31:22 PM Me

In one of those moods, where if I was on the Golden Gate Bridge, I jumped the fuck off

Jun 28, 2024 6:32:13 PM Me

And I’ve not been in a fucking mental pit for the last two days in this app. Bullshit triggered me so fucking hard.

Jun 28, 2024 6:32:58 PM Me

What I was trying to say is that the past two days have been better than 99.99% of the days I’ve had in a long time

Jun 28, 2024 6:33:07 PM ⇱ +13038752587

How’s your that working for you?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 28, 2024 6:33:28 PM Me

Not well

Jun 28, 2024 6:33:47 PM Me

Impossible to shake the feeling

Jun 28, 2024 6:35:06 PM +13038752587

I don’t believe you. I know you can shake the feeling. You are the one in control.

Jun 28, 2024 6:36:09 PM Me

Control or Free will is an illusion

Jun 28, 2024 6:37:33 PM ⇲ +13038752587

+13038752587 unsent this message part 9 seconds after sending!

Jun 28, 2024 6:36:28 PM +13038752587

You need to go over the the window open it up and shout I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it - That should release a bunch of it - then go into nature

Jun 28, 2024 6:37:26 PM Me

I've tried walking. Gets me thinking about how empty my life is

Jun 28, 2024 6:37:33 PM +13038752587 unsent a message.

Jun 28, 2024 6:37:44 PM Me

Full of survival and stress

Jun 28, 2024 6:37:54 PM Me

There is no joy

Jun 28, 2024 6:38:00 PM Me

No relaxing

Jun 28, 2024 6:38:04 PM Me

No fun

Jun 28, 2024 6:38:20 PM Me

Those are hard to come by

Jun 28, 2024 6:39:16 PM +13038752587

Stop the negative spiral. 🌀 Find one thing to be grateful for today.

Jun 28, 2024 6:39:37 PM Me

I can pee standing up

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Jun 28, 2024 6:39:46 PM Me

And that I can per

Jun 28, 2024 6:39:48 PM Me

Pee

Jun 28, 2024 6:39:51 PM Me

That's 2

Jun 28, 2024 6:39:54 PM +13038752587

Love it

Jun 28, 2024 6:40:01 PM +13038752587

Me too

Jun 28, 2024 6:40:12 PM Me

Just fed up

Jun 28, 2024 6:40:30 PM Me

And that won't go away until BIG CHANGE

Jun 28, 2024 6:40:51 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It ok to feel fed up - feel it And then…

Jun 28, 2024 6:41:38 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Jun 28, 2024 6:41:44 PM Me

It's like being fed crumbs and everyday someone says Don't worry the feast is coming!! It's been over a year

Jun 28, 2024 6:41:46 PM Me

I'm hingey

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Jun 28, 2024 6:42:11 PM Me

Fed up waiting

Jun 28, 2024 6:42:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The crumbs have been getting bigger

Jun 28, 2024 6:42:36 PM Me

like what the fuck am I waiting for, honestly I think I’m waiting to check the fuck out because nothing is changing for me. Nothing is shifting.

Jun 28, 2024 6:42:51 PM Me

remember, I don’t see beyond 48 hours so I don’t see much

Jun 28, 2024 6:42:59 PM Me

NOR, can I remember yesterday?

Jun 28, 2024 6:43:07 PM Me

I can't remember yesterday

Jun 28, 2024 6:43:10 PM +13038752587

Keep moving - things are changing- you are taking action to change things

Jun 28, 2024 6:43:21 PM Me

every day is so much like the other, there’s no difference between them

Jun 28, 2024 6:43:42 PM Me

I don’t know what day it is. I don’t know what fucking week it is almost didn’t even know what month it was couple days ago.

Jun 28, 2024 6:44:02 PM Me

like somebody who’s hiring me doesn’t know they’re hiring really fucking damaged goods

Jun 28, 2024 6:44:18 PM Me

It’ll take me six months to a year to even unwind from this

Jun 28, 2024 6:44:39 PM Me

I mean, I could probably shit diamonds if I ate charcoal

Jun 28, 2024 6:45:17 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Ooh then you’d be rich. You’d be the golden goose 🪿

Jun 28, 2024 6:44:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Or it could happen spontaneously

Jun 28, 2024 6:45:17 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Ooh then you’d be rich. You’d be the golden goose 🪿
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 28, 2024 6:45:25 PM Me

you know the feeling of being fed up when you’ve had enough of something and you want to put a stop to it like yesterday. I know you know that feeling multiply times 100

Jun 28, 2024 6:45:45 PM Me

It’s intense and it won’t let go of your neck

Jun 28, 2024 6:46:13 PM Me

I feel like taking the money I made for storage and going and buying a beer

Jun 28, 2024 6:46:47 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Harnesss it - use its power to your advantage

Jun 28, 2024 6:47:17 PM Me

Can't too fucking tired living

Jun 28, 2024 6:47:42 PM Me

Actually surviving I wouldn’t call what I’m doing living

Jun 28, 2024 6:47:59 PM Me

living means you feel alive and I feel dead

Jun 28, 2024 6:48:56 PM Me

it’s like I died last year and I’m just a fucking invisible zombie I mean, it makes sense whenever I walk around it’s like people don’t fucking see me or are aware of me. I have this translucency about me.

Jun 28, 2024 6:50:19 PM Me

for some reason, I’ve been sitting here and I’ve missed four orders, four deliveries. My phone isn’t vibrating or notifying me.

Jun 28, 2024 6:50:34 PM Me

that really sucks. I only have 10 minutes left in my window. I missed out. I’m probably 20 to 30 bucks.

Jun 28, 2024 6:50:57 PM Me

you can’t win when you’re a loser

Jun 28, 2024 6:52:28 PM Me

Well, in about 10 minutes, I’m gonna go spend the rest of the night alone sitting in my car in a parking lot Like I have for over the past 180 days

Jun 28, 2024 6:53:44 PM Me

Should I have a beer, or should I have a drink? I don’t know

Jun 28, 2024 6:54:18 PM Me

I mean, I do drink alone. I’ve done it for over a year.

Jun 28, 2024 6:54:30 PM Me

It’s what happens when you don’t have friends

Jun 28, 2024 6:55:43 PM Me

I’m incredibly uncomfortable meeting new people and getting into all the small talk chitchat bullshit. It feels incredibly in authentic, and I despise that people are more concerned about coloring their hair and getting liposuction and talking about real life.

Jun 28, 2024 6:56:30 PM Me

It’s the rejection that’s really the culprit

Jun 28, 2024 6:57:29 PM Me

One would think you callous from that and you don’t

Jun 28, 2024 6:58:09 PM Me

It doesn’t get easier. You get numb to it

Jun 28, 2024 6:58:42 PM Me

Going to work on art

Jun 28, 2024 7:00:03 PM Me

They put it off to the end of every night and I never get to fucking do it cause I’m too tired. I’m really getting tired of life if I wanna be straight up fucking honest. It really does feel like a pendulum swing to me now. It’s as if you’re tired of it and then it swings the other way and you’re not and then it swings back at your tired of it again.

Jun 28, 2024 7:20:55 PM Me

OK, I’m all done with that. For today I mean not forever, but I’m done with the bitching for today. One thing I’m learning to do is to follow Bob Newhart and to stop it. This past week I’ve had a kind of breakthrough I guess where my, normal state is way more relaxed and certain

Jun 28, 2024 7:22:21 PM Me

I’m just learning how to move my head out of the nasty space

Jun 28, 2024 7:22:29 PM Me

After I fall

Jun 28, 2024 7:22:32 PM Me

In

Jun 28, 2024 8:13:44 PM Me

Jun 28, 2024 9:29:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This one feature may make me move to Claude. Idea that I can have a set of design files and google docs it has access to… wow. Funny in 10 years this will be like dialup

Jun 29, 2024 8:19:06 AM Me

Hey

Jun 29, 2024 8:21:53 AM Me

Feeling pretty dissociated this morning

Jun 29, 2024 8:22:44 AM Me

And deeply tired

Jun 29, 2024 8:30:32 AM Me

And wondering why I’m here. There is no logic to all this nonsense and bullshit. I’m dealing with. Is probably the hardest part because there’s no figuring this the fuck out. It’s basically sit and fucking suffer until something outside of you changes because I can make myself anything I want right now, but it isn’t gonna get me work until someone makes an offer

Jun 29, 2024 10:19:17 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

One - mandatory reading

Jun 29, 2024 10:19:19 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

https://antilogicalism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/mans-search-for-meaning.pdf

Jun 29, 2024 10:20:42 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I know the story , own the book but have not read it completely. Book club time - no excuses- I chapter a day and we can discuss it

Jun 29, 2024 10:21:45 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 42 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

One chapter

Jun 29, 2024 9:00:26 AM Me

So two days ago, the boys were panicked because they needed their IDs for their drivers test yesterday. So I late at night went down and ripped through storage to find their stuff ended up breaking my big Buddhist statue in the process only to find out yesterday that they didn’t need what I had to dig through. They needed something else. Then Elizabeth proceeded to drive them to my storage space And they went through my stuff until they could find what they need. Now it’s my kids I have no problem with that but in principle, I have a big fucking problem with that. I sent a text to Elizabeth this morning and said please respect my boundaries. You would not like it if someone just showed up and went through your house and your stuff unannounced without you knowing And then I reminded her that respect goes two ways. I’m done fucking around

Jun 29, 2024 10:19:17 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

One - mandatory reading
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 29, 2024 10:19:19 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

https://antilogicalism.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/mans-search-for-meaning.pdf
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 29, 2024 10:20:42 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I know the story , own the book but have not read it completely. Book club time - no excuses- I chapter a day and we can discuss it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 29, 2024 10:21:45 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 42 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

One chapter
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 29, 2024 11:06:29 AM Me

Right now I’m straddling being able to pay my storage space. I am just about there with the money, $190 but I may not have anything to eat. Really depends on how much money I get dashing this afternoon.

Jun 29, 2024 11:08:56 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 36 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

190 per month?

Jun 29, 2024 12:45:32 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Yeah

Jun 29, 2024 12:45:37 PM Me

Sorry had text off

Jun 29, 2024 12:45:54 PM Me

Applying for house sitting and pet sitting

Jun 29, 2024 12:48:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“All that we think we own will wash away with time. Hold what you have lightly, and when it is gone, be grateful.”

Jun 29, 2024 4:53:56 PM Me

What’s going on over there?

Jun 29, 2024 5:25:54 PM Me

Warm here. But don’t feel like summer, at least for me. I associate summer with relaxing with cocktail and bbq on the grill. Sadly not part of my life anymore, sux Only can afford processed turkey. Better than nothing I guess

Jun 29, 2024 5:28:09 PM Me

Hard to see positive, upside to anything When your life has been shattered and upside down for years. Lots of times in the dark halls of the mind I find myself thinking about a word that can accurately describe my thoughts now

Jun 29, 2024 5:33:52 PM Me

Spent morning filling out paperwork for medical Going to see if I can print out something at the library here in town. Divorce papers

Jun 29, 2024 5:34:04 PM Me

On my way there now

Jun 29, 2024 5:35:09 PM Me

Also I received a text message from credit monitoring service that said one of the companies charged off one of my debts so my credit is now on its way to complete complete destruction

Jun 29, 2024 7:23:30 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 43 minutes, 58 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Let go of this false belief - I have been through it. You rate will drop temporarily and will bounce back quickly

Jun 29, 2024 5:35:29 PM Me

I wonder if the court will take that into account that my credit is getting destroyed off of debt she’s responsible for two

Jun 29, 2024 5:38:00 PM Me

Are divorces fair no. And I’m not bitching about getting a divorce, but what I am bitching about is she wanted this and I moved out and she hasn’t help me really at all the bills she has stepped in and paid our bills that I’ve been paying while she’s been working Over this past year can’t wait to write that letter and put it in my divorce papers for the court I’ll be as diligent as I can and print out all the receipts from online of everything I paid maybe I can get that back plus interest and I don’t know if courts can write to credit card companies and tell them to straighten my shit out

Jun 29, 2024 5:38:46 PM Me

I shouldn’t be having my credit destroyed over this She wanted it I acquiesced and I’m getting the dildo up the ass

Jun 29, 2024 5:38:55 PM Me

I shouldn’t be living on the street

Jun 29, 2024 5:39:08 PM Me

I should be living the life that I had become a custom to for a quarter-century on that campus

Jun 29, 2024 5:39:37 PM Me

And that is precisely what I plan to ask the court for plus remunerative damages for my mental health and well-being. Plus, I’d like some money for pain and suffering too. I’m gonna fucking liquidate her.

Jun 29, 2024 5:40:32 PM Me

I’m gonna talk to ChatGPT lawyer ChatGPT, California family lawyer, and ask him or the bot rather if I can sue for being put through this because she wanted it

Jun 29, 2024 7:02:05 PM Me

Jun 29, 2024 9:13:38 PM ⇲ Me

You are not stupid I actually doubted that when I read it Someone not stupid wouldn’t be in my spot

Jun 29, 2024 7:23:30 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 43 minutes, 58 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Let go of this false belief - I have been through it. You rate will drop temporarily and will bounce back quickly
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 29, 2024 9:13:38 PM ⇱ Me

You are not stupid I actually doubted that when I read it Someone not stupid wouldn’t be in my spot
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jun 29, 2024 9:15:22 PM Me

Another 12+ hour day

Jun 29, 2024 9:15:25 PM Me

Just done

Jun 29, 2024 9:16:14 PM Me

Lonelier than Tom Hanks in that movie he’s stranded with Wilson. I don’t even have a fucking Wilson

Jun 29, 2024 9:18:02 PM Me

It’s so fucked up feeling this alone when you’re standing near people and even talking to one every once in a while I’ve noticed that I come across as incredibly, eager, chipper and ready to people please whenever I talk with somebody and I don’t fucking like it. Feels inauthentic

Jun 29, 2024 9:20:21 PM Me

Part of me is excited I’m not a ghost and really alive. I’ve gone half a week without saying a word to anybody or even interacting with somebody to the point of something as simple as moving out of the way of somebody when you’re walking towards one another. Zero interactions with humans and I’m all around them. It’s one thing to be off in the fucking Sierra’s backpacking off the grid and being alone, but it’s mentally fucking crazy to feel , more alone than I do in the wilderness and I’m around all these people

Jun 29, 2024 9:21:07 PM Me

Not kidding I’m fucked in the head I’m very aware of it

Jun 29, 2024 9:22:53 PM Me

Do you know what else sucks never being able to buy ice cream, or frozen foods or anything you have to cook. I think. I can count on one hand the number of hot meals I’ve had in the last year. OK, two hands

Jun 29, 2024 9:37:31 PM Me

Was able to get a single José Cuervo for 479 so I get to have a margarita special treat

Jun 29, 2024 10:24:58 PM Me

It’s AWESOME

Jun 29, 2024 10:25:01 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 30, 2024 8:08:37 AM Me

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Jun 30, 2024 10:44:03 AM Me

A man drove by me while walking back to my car with a DoorDash order and said, “Chicken” In a normal non threatening way. And I kept walking and thought 💭 Yeah he’s right I have been a chicken for most of my life

Jun 30, 2024 10:44:18 AM Me

No idea why he said it

Jun 30, 2024 10:44:39 AM Me

Been dashing for 2 hours already

Jun 30, 2024 10:47:45 AM Me

I’m sick of scraping by each day. My horizons have shrunk from looking at tomorrow, 48hrs, but has narrowed down to the day in front of me until sleep. Can’t plan on anything beyond that. I’ve entered daily survival mindset 24/7. Eat minimum to keep stomach from hurting, so I can keep working

Jun 30, 2024 10:48:34 AM Me

Notices that days are the same but have given up thinking about it

Jun 30, 2024 10:49:40 AM Me

I’m now a homeless townie who’s nice but also weird. And would rather be left alone

Jun 30, 2024 12:01:25 PM Me

Q Why do I have absolutely no tolerance or patience for people? I mean I’ve got none People that are driving on vacation. Guess what? I’m not on vacation drive it or fucking park it. And so many people walk around like their fucking on Quaaludes.

Jun 30, 2024 12:01:48 PM Me

And then when they snap out of it, they’re like oh I’m so sorry. Oh shit you’re sorry you’re a fucking entitled shit.

Jun 30, 2024 12:30:59 PM Me

3.5 hours ☹️

Jun 30, 2024 1:01:26 PM Me

I’m angry at everything and everyone Just grinding my teeth And tension Don’t know why other than I hate my life

Jun 30, 2024 1:24:04 PM Me

Storage paid

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Jun 30, 2024 2:17:16 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Cant afford anything. I mailed, snailmail, all my credit card companies and told them of my situation and provided my information and said its pointless until I can get cash I cannot pay them. I cannot give them what I dont have.

Jun 30, 2024 2:18:03 PM Me

Hard to believe we’re almost a month since graduation. Feels like 6 months for me.

Jun 30, 2024 2:38:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Just sent a lengthly reply to a collection agency for AMEX. I ended it like this… — ps. My resume is attached. If you help me find work, I can pay. Have a great day.

Jun 30, 2024 2:38:46 PM Me

If they want my money, help me find a job, or better yet hire me.

Jun 30, 2024 2:38:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The email they sent was broken.

Jun 30, 2024 2:39:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

CSS barfing all over. And its their first contact with me. I could make sense of it because I coded them for years at AGIA. Told them that in my reply. Told them my story. THen the ps.

Jun 30, 2024 2:41:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Realized now have to start saving for car payment again. Ugh. then storage again. then the car again. then storage again. then the car again. then storage again. then the car again.

Jun 30, 2024 4:14:51 PM Me

Doood 105

Jun 30, 2024 4:25:04 PM (Read by them after 22 seconds) Me

And this

Jun 30, 2024 4:25:08 PM (Read by them after 18 seconds) Me

Scripps News (SNEWS)

Jun 30, 2024 5:13:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just thinking I need lead time to move my websites over to your hosting.

Jun 30, 2024 5:14:03 PM Me

My portfolio site is sensitive

Jun 30, 2024 5:14:11 PM Me

Because people are visiting it

Jun 30, 2024 5:16:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Let me know when I might be able to get the access to the web server. You know I’m handy inside a c-panel and command line 6 websites 5 domain names to move

Jun 30, 2024 7:19:13 PM Me

At that point where the burnout from the week hits

Jun 30, 2024 7:56:51 PM Me

This companionship, I miss having somebody to hang out with. I didn’t have that for a long time with Elizabeth. It’s really sad when I think about it. Part of why I think she wants a divorce is because she realizes deep down just how much she ignored me and gave up on me It’s still blows my mind that she never asked me once if I was OK, I feel all right, can I get you help? I got you need to go see someone. On the one hand, she said I don’t wanna be your therapist. Which is fine and dandy but then do I not talk about anything that’s on my mind or that I’m struggling with? That’s where I got lost so I just didn’t share anything because everything I had to share was related to me not feeling good. They were depression and yeah , it just blows my mind. She isn’t honoring her vows and like not even trying like she phoned it in which is it insult to the injury for me like compound that I’m invisible.

Jun 30, 2024 8:00:18 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Just got back to glenwood- getting ready for night shift - I catch up later

Jun 30, 2024 9:15:59 PM Me

Bumper sticker on his bass “Support your local freak”

Jun 30, 2024 9:16:20 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 30, 2024 9:22:39 PM Me

Hey, I wanted to let you know I’ve been working with AI to find tune my homepage for my portfolio website right now it’s fine, but really it’s kind of brochure wear and my mind. I’m not solving a problem my own problem which is differentiating myself from every other designer website out there. If there’s one thing a designer should know how to do stand out in the crowd. To me that is the paramount issue at hand. Without question if they look at my résumé, they are going to visit my website. No one reads my résumé could not stop their curiosity of seeing what kind of work I do So if I know my target audience which I do recruiters human resources, people, fellow designers people inside of the corporate world and people inside of business. And they’re looking to see if I have the ability and the skill to do what they’re asking I have to look at this as a design problem, not as my website or my portfolio. So when I look at it like that, what I have to do is my audience and then speak to them and speak to their pain points. And have them imagine a world where they go away and then let them know that it would be really easy to connect with me because I can make that happen, call action at the bottom. I already have the copy written it is simply a matter of production now it will be five full page panels. One side with the text the other side with graphics of some sort. I have some ideas of using abstract elements rather than my own work. Then at the end I invite them to look at my work to contact me the call to action. I’m not gonna build the whole thing , but I’ll set it up quickly in sigma and send you a screen capture of the layout I’ll be using my dynamic script to unscramble the words and phrases in each section. I think it could be really cool.

Jun 30, 2024 9:23:08 PM Me

What I do know is it’s unlike any other designer website because they all say hi I am Joe and I am a designer and I like to make things fun and happy

Jun 30, 2024 9:25:47 PM Me

By the way, do you remember the website it was called the Webb economy bullshit generator? You click the button and it came up with something like immersive next generation, technologies, or transformational economically viable solutions Just total vapid bullshit

Jun 30, 2024 9:26:43 PM Me

I’m gonna use AI in the matter of an hour bill the website that is the web economy bullshit generator of today. All I have to do is scrape a bunch of job descriptions that are currently out there. In fact, I already started

Jun 30, 2024 9:27:04 PM Me

I’ll unleash it on LinkedIn and see if it gets me any attention

Jun 30, 2024 9:27:34 PM Me

What would be great is to allow people to enter additional terms, but in order to do that they have to give me their email address

Jun 30, 2024 9:28:02 PM Me

😜

Jun 30, 2024 10:22:56 PM Me

Wow

Jun 30, 2024 10:23:50 PM Me

This is great art. There’s a creepy vibe to it It’s the uncomfortable feeling when you feel the need to leave or run

Jun 30, 2024 10:23:58 PM Me

YouTube

Jun 30, 2024 10:24:09 PM Me

I find it inspiring

Jun 30, 2024 10:25:21 PM Me

I finished the final edit to the video intro for my series. What I shared before was only the first draft. Next step is to put music, my audio some filters and some background effects. I’m gonna do that in about a half an hour and I hope to have it uploaded to you too 11 PM Pacific

Jun 30, 2024 10:28:27 PM Me

I managed to upload I’ll share

Jun 30, 2024 11:08:00 PM Me

Spotify

Jun 30, 2024 11:51:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Intro Bumper

Jun 30, 2024 11:53:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 01, 2024 8:45:22 AM Me

Up dashing

Jul 01, 2024 8:45:41 AM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

On my way to sleep

Jul 01, 2024 8:46:04 AM Me

Spotify

Jul 01, 2024 9:20:03 AM Me

Jul 01, 2024 9:21:06 AM Me

Neither a partner nor a friend

Jul 01, 2024 10:16:42 AM Me

Look what I found

Jul 01, 2024 10:16:48 AM Me

Lucid Therapeutics

Jul 01, 2024 10:17:02 AM Me

Let me know what you think

Jul 01, 2024 10:19:50 AM Me

Just thinking…

Jul 01, 2024 10:19:54 AM Me

Forget it

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Jul 01, 2024 12:49:29 PM Me

I can dash anytime for a whole month. And they give me more orders when it’s slow

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Jul 01, 2024 12:49:40 PM Me

Nice benefit actually

Jul 01, 2024 2:11:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Episode 1 — Piano from the Sky

Jul 01, 2024 2:11:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tqoTWn6plA&feature=youtu.be

Jul 01, 2024 2:15:28 PM Me

Here’s the intro that should be in front of it. Takes 2 hours to upload, ugh

Jul 01, 2024 2:15:29 PM Me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va9f-ucsDW0&feature=youtu.be

Jul 01, 2024 10:22:44 PM Me

Jul 01, 2024 10:24:07 PM Me

Word. This.

Jul 01, 2024 10:25:41 PM Me

Jul 01, 2024 10:27:00 PM Me

This is attractive

Jul 01, 2024 10:31:19 PM Me

I think once I submit paperwork. Set intention for 2 weeks. If I can get one thing behind me that will help me mentally I can tell you while still sad that this is happening I’m no longer shedding any tears

Jul 01, 2024 10:32:02 PM Me

Was feeling open and optimistic

Jul 01, 2024 10:32:49 PM Me

Jul 01, 2024 10:35:05 PM Me

Jul 01, 2024 10:36:05 PM Me

Is this telling me to stop chasing a job at a company?

Jul 01, 2024 10:37:16 PM Me

🤯

Jul 02, 2024 1:41:58 PM Me

Sorry for that barrage of screen captures last night. I was getting hypnotized by what I was reading. I’m a bit more grounded today because the stress and normality of everything hits me all at once every once in a while Today feels like it’s going to be one of those days I’m trying my best to distract myself and I have a meeting with somebody. I might housesit for later this month later today but stress of my situation is it just getting to me again and instead of just blowing my top and bitching and moaning where is me? I’m just calmly stating what I’m feeling And that’s it

Jul 02, 2024 5:08:02 PM Me

I just had a FaceTime meeting with a housesitter gig in Ventura at the beach. I’m going to be housesitting for a week from the 20th to the 26th down in the Pierpont area walking distance to the beach. I’m watching a dog named Elie. She is seven years old and really cute.

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Jul 02, 2024 6:05:31 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Awesome

Jul 02, 2024 6:05:33 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 03, 2024 9:14:20 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 26 seconds) +13038752587

DJ planned a meeting for 8::30 pst

Jul 03, 2024 9:14:49 AM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

Email invitations sent

Jul 03, 2024 9:15:56 AM Me

Missing 4

Jul 03, 2024 9:31:37 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

We are on the meeting

Jul 03, 2024 9:39:39 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Are you joining us?

Jul 03, 2024 9:39:41 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 03, 2024 10:30:15 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Getting sleep - I’ll check in later

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Jul 03, 2024 10:46:18 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

booked my first 2 weeks of pet/house sitting!

Jul 03, 2024 12:21:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling not well today — tired, challenging to focus, it’s a weird mix. My depression meds are working. I’ve had a lot less puddle days. However, things are still not sunshine and rainbows. This mornings meeting I think triggered many things for me that I’m grappling with both sub+conscious being prodded to shift. Universe is sending me lots of signals.

Jul 03, 2024 12:22:30 PM Me

I did some work after the meeting — processed lots of email. And then couldn’t focus.

Jul 03, 2024 12:23:14 PM Me

Grappling with wanting to beat myself up for not being able to deal with this and just keep going.

Jul 03, 2024 12:23:52 PM Me

Since I don’t know how to properly step away, and I’m terrible at time management, things can end up crashing and burning.

Jul 03, 2024 12:24:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Terrible at time management” is me cloaking/hiding/covering ADD.

Jul 03, 2024 12:25:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its a Christmas miracle I get anything done and have managed to take care of myself with the Depression and ADD biz.

Jul 03, 2024 12:25:57 PM Me

Biggest IF ONLY

Jul 03, 2024 12:26:15 PM Me

I could have taken care of this in my 20s early 30s

Jul 03, 2024 12:26:27 PM Me

Life would be very different

Jul 03, 2024 12:26:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The root cause of my current situation. My mind.

Jul 03, 2024 12:27:19 PM Me

And when that actually sinks in — blows your fucking mind.

Jul 03, 2024 12:27:32 PM Me

🤯

Jul 03, 2024 1:47:15 PM Me

I don’t know what is referenced in first paragraph. I have no intimate relationships My chance to take? Take what?

Jul 03, 2024 4:12:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Thank you for your interest in the position of Principal User Experience Designer-239656. We know it takes time and energy to apply, so we appreciate you considering us. The hiring manager has chosen to move forward with another candidate so we will not be able to explore this particular role further at this time.”

Jul 03, 2024 4:12:10 PM Me

Oracle

Jul 03, 2024 7:38:59 PM Me

I’m so fed up

Jul 03, 2024 7:39:25 PM Me

I’m not feeling good either

Jul 03, 2024 7:46:29 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Bummer in the job

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Jul 03, 2024 7:46:53 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 22 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

How goes the unlimited dashing

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Jul 03, 2024 9:48:44 PM Me

Are you at the hotel tonight?

Jul 03, 2024 10:09:58 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

No - catching up on sleep

Jul 03, 2024 11:37:48 PM Me

Ok

Jul 03, 2024 11:38:10 PM Me

Let me know what ur doing on the 4th

Jul 03, 2024 11:39:22 PM Me

Have this weird feeling or urge to pivot and drop the resume dumping

Jul 03, 2024 11:40:18 PM Me

Try to get either this thing off the ground with Vic and DJ Or do art and figure out how to make money doing art

Jul 03, 2024 11:40:52 PM Me

SO much effort and time for so little

Jul 03, 2024 11:41:14 PM Me

Take that time back and make art or build a business

Jul 03, 2024 11:41:40 PM Me

Time better spent IMO and my situation is still the same

Jul 03, 2024 11:42:17 PM Me

| But at least I feel like I’m pursuing something I want to do. Not that I don’t want to work for a big company it’s more security thing with all the fat benefits that come with working for a gigantic company. Do you know what
Edited 11 seconds later | But at least I feel like I’m pursuing something I want to do. Not that I don’t want to work for a big company it’s more security thing with all the fat benefits that come with working for a gigantic company.

Jul 03, 2024 11:43:31 PM Me

I’m thinking I could start a YouTube channel as well and I was thinking of borrowing an idea from a guy I follow online that talks about knowing your worth and value and he does these 30 second short on YouTube and has literally thousands of followers and I was thinking of doing something similar for Design and client and Stuff like that like all the little things that people don’t know about things that don’t know that you don’t know unless you’ve been doing it forever

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Jul 04, 2024 9:07:57 AM Me

This morning is interesting. Other than town having half its roads blocked off because of a parade the DoorDash this morning is the best ever.

Jul 04, 2024 9:40:21 AM Me

Oh happy 4th. If there wasn’t a parade in our town today, I would have no idea it was a holiday

Jul 04, 2024 9:48:43 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

“Thank you for your interest in the Senior Product Designer position at 80Twenty in San Francisco, California, United States. Unfortunately, we will not be moving forward with your application, but we appreciate your time and interest in 80Twenty.”

Jul 04, 2024 9:48:45 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

More of the same

Jul 04, 2024 9:52:00 AM Me

“Thank you for your interest in the UX Mapping Consultant position at On-Demand Group in Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States. Unfortunately, we will not be moving forward with your application, but we appreciate your time and interest in On-Demand Group.”

Jul 04, 2024 9:52:02 AM Me

Ugh

Jul 04, 2024 6:52:49 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Happy 4th of July!! We went to a parade in Redstone and then met some folks who live there. No signal land. Just catching up on messages now

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Jul 04, 2024 7:43:03 PM Me

Weird lonely day. At laundromat doing my laundry 🧺 Then market to buy turkey and cheese as usual. And some water. Then go park for the night. No fireworks or celebrations. Not much to celebrate here. So be it. Doesn’t matter.

Jul 04, 2024 7:45:11 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

No fireworks here - to much fire danger

Jul 04, 2024 7:45:29 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

It was a pretty low key day

Jul 04, 2024 7:46:06 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Lilly is asleep already

Jul 04, 2024 8:01:28 PM Me

Cool. Check Miro Open boxes to read details

Jul 05, 2024 10:22:09 AM Me

Thx for note about hosting.

Jul 05, 2024 10:22:17 AM Me

Sooner is better in case of any bugs 😊

Jul 05, 2024 7:22:05 PM Me

Hey

Jul 05, 2024 7:22:21 PM Me

Hotel?

Jul 05, 2024 7:51:45 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

No - Sunday night

Jul 05, 2024 8:05:11 PM Me

Ok

Jul 05, 2024 8:05:22 PM Me

What’s up in your world?

Jul 05, 2024 9:05:00 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Kids / house

Jul 05, 2024 9:44:10 PM Me

Cool

Jul 05, 2024 9:44:46 PM Me

| I miss sent a link to you later on. If I do, I will likely email it and text you and let you know.
Edited 11 seconds later | I may send a link to you later on. If I do, I will likely email it and text you and let you know.

Jul 06, 2024 8:47:36 AM Me

GM

Jul 06, 2024 8:47:46 AM Me

Big question this morning…

Jul 06, 2024 9:17:38 AM +13038752587

GM

Jul 06, 2024 9:17:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

am I living the wrong life? did I make a decision/choice/turn somewhere that put me into this ‘black mirror’ version of this life? I somehow got onto a dimension where my life doesnt work out. Its a quantum thing. Wildly successful Wildly failed I’m more grounded, but also more confused.

Jul 06, 2024 9:18:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow. Been at Starbucks for an hour already working

Jul 06, 2024 9:18:33 AM +13038752587

If so, step back through the mirror

Jul 06, 2024 9:18:45 AM ⇲ Me

Yeah, right

Jul 06, 2024 9:18:45 AM ⇱ Me

Yeah, right
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 06, 2024 9:19:18 AM +13038752587

Working in tree newsletter- bb in a bit

Jul 06, 2024 9:19:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, dont want to get stuck in a mind rat hold today

Jul 06, 2024 12:46:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi

Jul 06, 2024 12:46:51 PM Me

Have an important update

Jul 06, 2024 12:49:18 PM Me

I have filled out all Divorce paperwork as far as I can take them without the advice of the self-help center at the county govt center. 1. Need to Print everything 2. Need 3 copies of everying —me —Liz —Court 3. Appt w/self-help to confirm my paperwork is getting me what I want 4. Submit paperwork with county clerk 5. Serve Liz the paperwork somehow 6. Get court date for spousal support hearing

Jul 06, 2024 12:49:36 PM Me

Then go from there.

Jul 06, 2024 12:49:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Shits about to get real

Jul 06, 2024 12:52:31 PM Me

For her that is Outside of the emotional + psychological she’s lived completely unaffected inside the cocoon of campus. Shes... Not had to give anything up Not lost her job Not homeless Not dealing with major depression

Jul 06, 2024 12:53:44 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Wow! Getting things in order. When do you meet/get advice from self help center?

Jul 06, 2024 12:55:47 PM Me

They post open hours each morning. First come first serve. Only so many spots.

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Jul 06, 2024 12:55:58 PM Me

Will try on Monday and the day I get in will be the day I file.

Jul 06, 2024 12:56:09 PM Me

I’ll have all fees waived

Jul 06, 2024 12:56:19 PM Me

So other than correcting a form, full steam ahead

Jul 06, 2024 12:56:41 PM Me

I get Medical. Automatic fee waiving

Jul 06, 2024 12:57:18 PM Me

My hope is that I can have served her divorce papers next week.

Jul 06, 2024 12:57:47 PM Me

I was hoping to do it on the 4th of July to commemorate the day she ended it

Jul 06, 2024 1:00:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think she has no idea that I’m getting my shit together on this. I know she’s been dealing with her moms estate, so I dont think she’s had much bandwidth. Anyhow, I asked her this time last year where the paper work was. DO you remember that? I was staying with you then. She said no paperwork until I got a job and got my own insurance. Instead she cuts my insurance so she doesn’t have to pay for me anymore — thus breaking yet another promise which at this point one can simply not trust a word that comes out of her mouth. Multiple lies to my face, double-faced, ghosting, and phoning it in when it came time to honor her vows.

Jul 06, 2024 1:03:16 PM Me

And everyone looks at me like I’m the bad guy that destroyed the marriage. I was sick. I still am but I’m managing it now. I got to where I am largely on my own. You, my bro, and parents have helped.

Jul 06, 2024 1:06:51 PM Me

There should be NO WAY someone with my brain and situation should be able to bootstrap their ass out of where I am. For a year I felt like I was barely breathing, unable to take a full deep breath—no time, need to move. Now I’m still in the same situation, but my brain, body, and probably most important my being have transformed into something else. Anyhow, what I’m getting at is I shouldn’t be where I am. Staying alive day by day is what success looks like to me, and so far I’ve been able to do that. There are times I want to give up and check out. Too tired, too this or that. I am tired. Tired of this dimension I find myself in. I know there are others.

Jul 06, 2024 5:18:01 PM Me

It’s a humbling experience delivering a pizza to a house where you brought your son when he was younger to play with the kid who lives here. That was 10 years ago still just fucking weird.

Jul 06, 2024 5:26:21 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 57 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you - had that this winter with ups

Jul 06, 2024 7:25:54 PM Me

Well, I’m not entirely done. I have been working my ass off for 72 hours on the fucking wire frame/prototype. If I share a link with you shortly, would you be willing to click through? I don’t wanna be the only one to click through before he does. I’m sure you can appreciate that handing off something to a client that’s not been seen by anyone other than you.

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Jul 06, 2024 9:01:14 PM Me

Thx

Jul 06, 2024 9:03:06 PM Me

I gotta admit that there is a reason to all this madness and it all fucking makes sense to me now. Of course I’m by myself of course I’m miserable because I’m not comfortable being with myself even though I don’t like being near people I also don’t like being by myself, which is this weird paradox. I think I’ve explained to you that it’s easy for me to be in crowds and dissociate and feel very comfortable. In fact, it might be the best thing ever for me. Imagine being at a rock concert and sitting there and enjoying yourself but you’re not interacting with a goddamn soul because you’re there by yourself and nobody knows you and they’re all with their friends I think that makes sense Anyhow I’ll send the link shortly. I’m practicing Darts for tomorrow’s monthly $10 buy in. If I spend about three hours and $10 investment with some good throwing, I could turn that into 6x, 60 bucks.

Jul 06, 2024 9:03:46 PM Me

Here ya go… Blast from the past

Jul 06, 2024 9:03:50 PM Me

Spotify

Jul 06, 2024 9:03:56 PM Me

The Fixx

Jul 06, 2024 9:04:26 PM Me

And this one. I know u remember these

Jul 06, 2024 9:04:29 PM Me

Spotify

Jul 06, 2024 9:05:41 PM Me

| Anyhow, I wanna get back to the paradox and that is the universe is telling me what you’re comfortable in your own fucking skin and you are your own best company and you quote love yourself” then maybe things will move forward
Edited 17 seconds later | Anyhow, I wanna get back to the paradox and that is the universe is telling me what you’re comfortable in your own fucking skin and you are your own best company and you “ love yourself” then maybe things will move forward
Edited 11 seconds later | Anyhow, I wanna get back to the paradox and that is the universe is telling me when you’re comfortable in your own fucking skin and you are your own best company and you “ love yourself” then maybe things will move forward

Jul 06, 2024 11:35:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here’s the prototype. Have some tweaks but nearly there:

Jul 06, 2024 11:35:55 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

Figma

Jul 07, 2024 8:44:30 AM Me

Just spent two minutes writing a message Only to have a disappear. I am starting my day at 7:30 after ending it at 10:30 PM. My whole weekend is been out with people, among them, but not talking with them so that feeling of loneliness and isolation is pretty fucking huge. I have Darts today but honestly don’t feel like going because of the fatigue. Wants to go because I love Darts and I love playing, but my body is exhausted and I’m sick of being broke. Waking up every day, not knowing where you’re going to sleep and not knowing if you’re going to make enough money to eat every fucking day gets a little tiring after a while

Jul 07, 2024 8:46:19 AM Me

I’m beginning to develop a strong belief that there is no there there. Just ready to give up. Sick of this nonsense and existence. It’s not as I’m not putting in the effort or I don’t have the will to want to get out of this I do but the rest of the fucking universe isn’t cooperating so…. Fuck it

Jul 07, 2024 11:08:27 AM Me

Over 2 hours of dashing and no orders No money. No darts today. Sux Only social thing I do and can’t even afford $10 buy in

Jul 07, 2024 11:08:37 AM Me

Hate this shit

Jul 07, 2024 11:56:00 AM Me

Seems just a tiny bit unfair that I have essentially work almost 3 weeks nonstop every day and when it finally comes for me to take a chance to try to enjoy myself it can’t happen I don’t really have much in my life in terms of enjoyment right now. It seems like nobody’s ordering shit today

Jul 07, 2024 12:00:57 PM Me

3.5 hours total today $6

Jul 07, 2024 1:52:55 PM Me

2 more hours of dashing and made $10 to charge my car Yay

Jul 07, 2024 1:54:49 PM Me

Dart Tournament starts in an hour. Takes 30min to get there and going to take 45mins to charge car which is happening now

Jul 07, 2024 1:55:05 PM Me

So pissed I can’t go and play

Jul 07, 2024 1:55:46 PM Me

Get to sweat in the car remainder of today. Still hot as fuck here

Jul 07, 2024 1:57:24 PM Me

| fed up with this Once I deliver this project I’m beholden to no one. Ain’t doing this anymore All full and overflowing for months
Edited 38 seconds later | fed up with this Once I deliver this project I’m beholden to no one. Ain’t doing this anymore All of this shit has been overflowing for months

Jul 07, 2024 2:00:53 PM Me

“Hang in there Shift is coming” I’m at the “yeah right” stage with all of this. I’ll be dead before then lol 😆

Jul 07, 2024 2:04:42 PM Me

Sadly, There is no joy There is no fun There are no seasons in the sun

Jul 07, 2024 2:14:10 PM Me

Depression is back, full force. Triggered

Jul 07, 2024 4:13:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey, just emailed this to my client. FINALLY sent him the prototype links. — Hi Greg! I hope you had a nice holiday. I'm sorry for the late email. Getting bugs out is always fraught with what I'd liken to landmines. They show up unexpectedly, and you deal with them as you go. I've been inside the prototype file for a long time and am ready to share it. I'll share that there are still small things here and there I'm tweaking, but overall, it's 99% done. You stare at it so long that tiny things can get by. That said, I've created a short video to show you what objects you can click on for each page's interactivity. For example, a form could have a success or error page. I have links so you can see both from the form page. As you click through, I'll continue tweaking things on my end. When I make changes, you see them immediately in the prototype. Note the red box in the screen capture below. Those arrows allow you to move through the prototype linearly, like a slideshow. So if you ever "get stuck," you can always try clicking a few forward or backward. image.png The video of my brief walkthrough link is here. 7mins The link to the live prototype is here. I also have a form where you can submit individual issues you may run into. This way, I have a ticket for each item and can take care of them individually. That is set up as a Google Form inside my account. It's private, and you can submit as many issues as possible. Please let me know if you have any questions. Thank you very much for your patience as I ramped back up after those first couple of weeks of June. I am back in the flow now, so we should quickly dial things in. Also, I will connect you to my developer friend DJ and send a separate email, as I know you want to NDA directly with him. Be well, and we'll talk soon. Bert -- Bert Mahoney Software Designer bert.mahoney@gmail.com

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Jul 07, 2024 4:14:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Lmk what you think

Jul 07, 2024 4:14:28 PM Me

Prototype is here: The link to the live prototype is here.

Jul 07, 2024 4:14:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Figma

Jul 07, 2024 5:21:04 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 28 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

At hotel now til 12am - switch shifts for a couple days

Jul 07, 2024 7:50:26 PM Me

Cool

Jul 07, 2024 7:50:49 PM Me

I’m just done with DoorDash Ing and shit. I’m over by the land Conservancy and going to go for a short walk because I’ve done nothing but sit on my ass all day.

Jul 07, 2024 7:50:58 PM Me

Then I plan to work on my art tonight and I may shave my head

Jul 07, 2024 7:51:23 PM Me

I’ve let the hair grow out a little bit and it’s really not serving a purpose. Other than being a mess all the time it’s not like I’m attracting women with it.

Jul 07, 2024 9:20:48 PM Me

Finally stopping the car to eat and then probably sleep

Jul 08, 2024 9:34:30 AM Me

Awake?

Jul 08, 2024 9:34:44 AM Me

Go

Jul 08, 2024 9:34:50 AM Me

gM

Jul 08, 2024 11:05:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Maybe ur asleep.

Jul 08, 2024 11:07:23 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Feeling numb today. Was pushing myself so hard since parents left. Like a whole month of pushing hard. I paid my car and storage, that’s about it. I can’t put in all those hours every month for just my car and storage.

Jul 08, 2024 11:09:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Self-worth is generated from inside, BUT when one has nothing outside them reflecting back equal value… Why the fuck bother? Really? I’m just tired of this, mentally, physically, figuratively and literally. Tired in all ways possible.

Jul 08, 2024 11:09:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Can’t say I haven’t been trying to get out. But damnit, at some point, WTF???

Jul 08, 2024 11:13:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

‘Just around the corner’ and “keep going its happening soon” bullshit I’ve been hearing for over a year, at this point is insulting When I read or hear it a tiny voice in my head says “fuck you!” I’m just incredibly fucking frustrated and vehemently livid.

Jul 08, 2024 11:14:18 AM Me

The world, on the whole, for me is a heartless place. People are everywhere, but humanity is not.

Jul 08, 2024 11:15:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

People are selfish, self-centered, fuckers. Individuals are kind.

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Jul 08, 2024 11:16:09 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

The meaning and importance humans assign to things and the clinging to that meaning causes more suffering than people know.

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Jul 08, 2024 11:19:40 AM Me

Maybe I’m burned out. I sound like I am.

Jul 08, 2024 11:21:58 AM Me

Anyhow. I dont have any friends here, no one to converse with about anything really. Whole holiday went by and it was like a series of any other set of days I’ve lived during this time, but with less crying because I’m on more medication. I’m not mean, I’m nice and will talk to people, but I’m never, ever going to force myself on someone—fucking rude. Anyhow…

Jul 08, 2024 11:22:00 AM +13038752587

Gm - worked til 1:30am last night then up at 7:30 to take girls to camp. Had to hang with Willow to get her comfortable. Picking up lunch for Willow and Lilly. Then home to get ready to go back to hotel 2-11

Jul 08, 2024 11:22:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wow

Jul 08, 2024 11:22:35 AM Me

My complaining seems petty now

Jul 08, 2024 11:24:31 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

No - it’s good to get it out.

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Jul 08, 2024 11:25:17 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Similar struggles to keep afloat and ascend - different situations

Jul 08, 2024 11:48:10 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

When you can, get me the server info. Need to start moving data over. May take a little bit to move it all. 5 websites, but not mountains of data. LMK

Jul 08, 2024 5:54:37 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Plan to have it up tomorrow morning

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Jul 08, 2024 1:09:18 PM Me

I’ve been craving the idea of having the mobile app project put aside so I can focus on some other things like art

Jul 08, 2024 1:13:29 PM Me

I’ve basically spent the past four hours being semi zombie like. I did process all my email applied to two things and think I’m gonna work on a few things this afternoon including an alternative homepage for my website. This may be the last significant change I make to my website in pursuit of user experience job. Pretty soon I’m gonna give up on finding a UX job and call it a day on doing that for a living because it’s pretty much been a monetarily void pursuit. I’ve never really made even proper money for my skills in digital design. I’ve always undervalued and under sold myself. really sucks to be on this side of shit. Really feeling the big give the fuck up vibe.

Jul 08, 2024 1:14:09 PM Me

Part of the reason I have no retirement or anything to fall back on it because I never made enough money in the first place to put anything away. I had to spend my money to live and raise three boys even though we had our fucking house and taken care of.

Jul 08, 2024 1:15:36 PM Me

I also now have T-Mobile after me for my phone bill and I don’t have the money to pay it so I’m gonna have to just start fucking DoorDash basically 10 hours a day because I have to pay the phone the car in the storage place so 800 $900

Jul 08, 2024 1:16:00 PM Me

That will probably take me two weeks of 10 to 12 hour days DoorDash ashing

Jul 08, 2024 1:16:16 PM Me

It’s becoming very apparent to me that this is unsustainable

Jul 08, 2024 1:17:46 PM Me

Part of it is, I can’t even think clearly because of the stress depression in the limited horizon I work with every day. The fact that I can even come up with one creative idea is fucking mind blowing to me. I mean, if I was brain, healthy, and employed, and Engaged imagine the shit I could create if I had the right environment and support. Sadly, it’s a fucking ethereal dream.

Jul 08, 2024 4:17:55 PM (Read by them after 11 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

Worked on GroupX, VCDA website,

Jul 08, 2024 4:18:03 PM (Read by them after 11 minutes, 22 seconds) Me

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Jul 08, 2024 5:54:37 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Plan to have it up tomorrow morning

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 08, 2024 8:46:38 PM Me

not feeling too good

Jul 08, 2024 8:51:28 PM Me

Really want to text tell her that I’m stunned still after all this time I just how selfish she was has been and is. I don’t know if I’m correct, but how she shows up for me kind of lines up with a narcissist. Very self-absorbed doesn’t really care about what you are into or what you were doing. You only exist when they need you.

Jul 08, 2024 8:51:52 PM Me

Am I wrong? Because when I read it, I could see her saying I’m the self-absorbed one I’m the narcissist.

Jul 08, 2024 8:52:04 PM Me

Please send me straight

Jul 08, 2024 8:52:19 PM Me

I’m really struggling tonight

Jul 08, 2024 8:53:59 PM Me

I’ve been struggling hard all through last week through the holiday over the weekend and today. The deep, deep sense of loneliness and ostracization I feel from society is really big for me like monster big

Jul 08, 2024 8:55:11 PM Me

It’s not can’t hang out myself. I’ve been doing it for a fucking year plus. I’m perfectly fine being by myself doing my thing and not bothering people, it’s my preferred way of being. But deep down I’m not just a robot. There’s this weird human need to share stuff like with a real person in front of you not on the computer on a fucking screen.

Jul 08, 2024 8:56:01 PM Me

I don’t have that in my life. I don’t have that person. I thought Liz was that person, but that wasn’t true. I honestly it’s probably the loneliness that will kill me not myself hatred

Jul 08, 2024 8:56:47 PM Me

Like it’s never gonna jump out and stab me in the chest, but combined with everything else it’s the perfect stage for some kind of terminal illness to develop in my body, which is the manifestation of all the evilness in me

Jul 08, 2024 8:58:02 PM Me

I want a do over and I can’t get one. I wish Liz at least fucking pretended to try to care when I wanted to sit with the therapist and talk. She was so fucking off and stoic. It was really downright fucking disrespectful.

Jul 08, 2024 9:00:05 PM Me

I have to write up a document for the court explaining to them my unique situation and when filing for this divorce, what do I explicitly want when walking away? The attorney in the webinar said if you do not clearly state what you want they will not give it to you. It won’t even be considered. If it’s not in the documentation. They don’t infer things or make assumptions. I’m going to attempt tackling this tomorrow morning when my mind is fresh and I would like to share it with you to review before I print it out and submit it to the court, , Liz will get a copy of this

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Jul 08, 2024 9:00:10 PM Me

OK, I’ll shut up now

Jul 08, 2024 9:00:37 PM Me

I literally don’t have anyone to talk to. I think I might use a GPT. I know there’s one called a friend.

Jul 08, 2024 9:00:59 PM Me

And in the same breath, help pathetic is that for companionship I have to talk to a fucking robot

Jul 08, 2024 9:04:32 PM Me

When I get on these mental rips is when I talk myself right up to the fucking ledge, i’m just incredibly fucking tired from doing divorce, unemployment and homelessness simultaneously

Jul 08, 2024 9:04:58 PM Me

I can’t continue doing this much longer, so I’ll file paperwork and hopefully get divorce finalized and then my rear fucking mirror

Jul 08, 2024 9:05:17 PM Me

Grant me what I want

Jul 08, 2024 9:05:30 PM Me

Speech to text isn’t working properly. It’s fucking up everything. I’m trying to communicate sorry.

Jul 08, 2024 9:16:56 PM Me

Crying as I walk with Weston because I know these walks will likely come to an end sometime soon and I’ve spent some of the best times in my life hiking with him. The sense of gratitude, love and overwhelming smash of emotion has really thrown me

Jul 08, 2024 10:01:57 PM Me

Just like that, my brain is in ideation right now. Least, if I did it all the bullshit would stop. For real. Won’t be unemployed anymore. I won’t be homeless anymore. I won’t be anything anymore and that right now is so attractive.

Jul 08, 2024 10:02:40 PM Me

The idea of not feeling the way I feel is so attractive

Jul 08, 2024 10:04:51 PM Me

Don’t worry, not. gonna do anything, but it really is an attractive option

Jul 08, 2024 10:29:19 PM Me

Home sweet Home

Jul 09, 2024 8:07:46 AM Me

Gm

Jul 09, 2024 8:21:54 AM Me

I find myself angry right from waking up

Jul 09, 2024 9:57:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And my back is tweaked. 😟 I’m in some pain. Ugh

Jul 09, 2024 9:59:39 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Getting more emails and alerts that payments are overdue, 1password, hosting, car insurance. Fuck

Jul 09, 2024 10:00:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

My anxiety is so fucking high I can’t read an email

Jul 09, 2024 10:28:42 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Get rid of 1 password

Jul 09, 2024 10:29:01 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

Hosting will be a non concern later today

Jul 09, 2024 10:29:34 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Go for a walk, mediatate and recenter yourself

Jul 09, 2024 10:29:53 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Then go dashing - earn some dollars

Jul 09, 2024 10:30:12 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Take advantage of the unlimited time to bank as much as you can

Jul 09, 2024 10:30:22 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

When does house sitting start

Jul 09, 2024 10:31:23 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

You have funds coming from prototyp too - right?

Jul 09, 2024 11:08:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Projects not done yet. I delivered prototype but not final deliverables

Jul 09, 2024 11:08:22 AM Me

House sitting 20th

Jul 09, 2024 11:08:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dashed for 1.5 hours this morning already 7-8:30am

Jul 09, 2024 11:08:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to watch Euro Semi Finals with boys at 12 noon today

Jul 09, 2024 11:09:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And tonight is first night of Summer Premier League Darts in Ventura. Dont think it costs to play so I might go

Jul 09, 2024 11:09:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have had 1password since it came out, 10+ years.

Jul 09, 2024 11:10:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That is a lot of passwords I have to look up 😟

Jul 09, 2024 11:10:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oh well

Jul 09, 2024 11:59:27 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

How much does it cost

Jul 09, 2024 11:59:37 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

One password

Jul 09, 2024 12:19:33 PM Me

Checking

Jul 09, 2024 12:20:58 PM Me

17.94

Jul 09, 2024 12:21:04 PM Me

Ayr

Jul 09, 2024 12:21:09 PM Me

Per year

Jul 09, 2024 12:41:13 PM +13038752587

What does it do that Google pw manager doesn’t

Jul 09, 2024 12:41:14 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 09, 2024 3:19:51 PM Me

I have no idea and would have to take time that I don’t have to research it

Jul 09, 2024 3:20:25 PM Me

Just dropped off Declan and Darragh and going back to work for the rest of the day. Been going since 7 AM and I’m fucking tired.

Jul 09, 2024 3:21:11 PM Me

I’m not sleeping at night. I am unconscious, but my brain is living an entire another life in my subconscious. It’s like I’m in fight club in my brain every night. Wake up fucking exhausted every day and I’m getting between seven and eight hours of unconsciousness. Because I’m not sleeping I’m just unconscious.

Jul 09, 2024 3:21:47 PM Me

I also just backed my car into a brick wall because a drink fell on my lap and, yeah, so I got a nice big smash on the back of my car

Jul 09, 2024 3:24:26 PM Me

As I know you’re well aware of I really hate my existence and sucks so heavily to work so fucking hard and not get anywhere. I told my job search council that I’m ready to give up and they were quite empathetic.

Jul 09, 2024 3:43:06 PM +13038752587

Bummer about the car - Totally feel you about spinning wheels and going nowhere Instead of looking for a grand slam - what does a single hit look like?

Jul 09, 2024 3:56:27 PM Me

Honestly, I don’t know at this point losing or have lost my capacity for creative thinking simply because fatigue, stress, and pressure

Jul 09, 2024 3:56:51 PM Me

I just really have nothing left

Jul 09, 2024 3:58:19 PM Me

It's 90+ out and in my car sweatinf and in serious back pain. Knife in the back level pain. I can barely get in and out of my car

Jul 09, 2024 3:59:39 PM Me

Fed up

Jul 09, 2024 4:24:22 PM Me

I show gratitude when things go my way. But apparently gratitude doesn’t count, even though everybody says it does.

Jul 09, 2024 4:25:51 PM Me

Tonight is the first evening of summer league for Darts and they are doing something called the Premier league of darts. It will play every Tuesday as an open tournament, but the top four players don’t have to play in the entry rounds. They’ll do this every week on Tuesday for the remainder of the summer. I’d like to go, but as of right now I can’t afford to

Jul 09, 2024 4:26:51 PM Me

I missed Sunday’s tournament because I couldn’t afford it either. It’s weird now I’m a board member and I don’t go to the events because I’m too poor.

Jul 09, 2024 4:27:22 PM Me

I’ve been dashing for the past hour with zero deliveries, zero dollar

Jul 09, 2024 4:29:47 PM Me

Darts right now is the only thing when I do it I forget that my life is a fucking disaster. The only thing that makes me forget. it hurts alot that I can’t go and play.

Jul 09, 2024 4:31:10 PM +13038752587

Put out that you will get orders to have the money to go

Jul 09, 2024 4:31:20 PM Me

I’ve got nothing else to do other than work so my DoorDash ended and I’m gonna go work on the laptop some more and I’ll keep the DoorDash active but doubt I’ll get anything

Jul 09, 2024 4:32:01 PM +13038752587

You have to change your attitude to I will get orders

Jul 09, 2024 4:32:26 PM +13038752587

I thought darts were free this week??

Jul 09, 2024 4:33:05 PM Me

I’m pretty sure there’s an entry fee. There’s not been any dart thing I’ve done with the league that hasn’t had a fee.

Jul 09, 2024 4:34:41 PM Me

I’ve had the positive thinking approach pitched to me 1 million times and my brain does not work that way. I’ve tried it doesn’t work that way. My brain is never worked that way my entire life. My brain is the world’s leading expert at finding something wrong or something that doesn’t measure up my brain sees lack it doesn’t see positive it sees emptiness

Jul 09, 2024 4:35:09 PM Me

This has been as far back as I realized I had a brain 🧠 Or maybe I don’t and that’s the problem

Jul 09, 2024 4:36:09 PM Me

Anyhow….

Jul 09, 2024 4:36:12 PM +13038752587

Change it

Jul 09, 2024 4:37:13 PM ⇲ Me

It feels incredibly inauthentic. and I am incredibly uncomfortable when things aren’t authentic

Jul 09, 2024 4:36:22 PM Me

Just same brain bullshit

Jul 09, 2024 4:37:04 PM +13038752587

Only you can remove the cloud 🌧️ following you

Jul 09, 2024 4:37:13 PM ⇱ Me

It feels incredibly inauthentic. and I am incredibly uncomfortable when things aren’t authentic
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 09, 2024 4:37:32 PM Me

I’m just sharing the way. My brain goes. I’m not trying to argue.

Jul 09, 2024 4:37:59 PM +13038752587

You are uncomfortable out of your misery comfort zone 😃

Jul 09, 2024 4:38:05 PM Me

I’ve had shooting back pain all day and I’m uncomfortable sitting standing or lying down so it’s been a pretty fucking miserable day

Jul 09, 2024 4:38:29 PM +13038752587

Sooo - what are you going to do about it

Jul 09, 2024 4:38:56 PM +13038752587

What benefits do you get with California aid?

Jul 09, 2024 4:39:01 PM Me

I can’t do anything about it right now. I don’t have money to buy medicine if I wanted to and I can’t afford a chiropractor or a doctor visit because I don’t even have a primary care doctor.

Jul 09, 2024 4:39:41 PM +13038752587

You can go to the ER - county hospital and get seen

Jul 09, 2024 4:40:13 PM Me

And that’s because of paperwork Not having a mailing address makes me get everything mailed to me a month late so I miss every deadline they sent to me. I’ve called in and left messages and yeah, I’m just stuck in bureaucracy.

Jul 09, 2024 4:40:47 PM +13038752587

Are you not still using Thacher mailing

Jul 09, 2024 4:41:20 PM ⇲ Me

I am, but no one up there ever tells me when mail comes in and I can’t drive up there every day to check for mail

Jul 09, 2024 4:40:56 PM Me

I think I’m covered, if I had to go to the ER for a car crash or something. But regular routine shit I’m pretty much going on my own

Jul 09, 2024 4:41:20 PM ⇱ Me

I am, but no one up there ever tells me when mail comes in and I can’t drive up there every day to check for mail
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 09, 2024 4:41:43 PM +13038752587

You can text daily about mail

Jul 09, 2024 4:43:47 PM Me

Remember, I am depressed like being organized and getting shit done is incredibly challenging for me. The fact that I get anything done is kind of mind blowing to me. I don’t have a regular brain and it sucks because I probably wouldn’t be home less than unemployed if I didn’t have childhood trauma that fucking screwed me up

Jul 09, 2024 4:44:47 PM Me

I mean, I’ve never been Mr. happy go lucky ever. I’ve always felt sour for as far back as I have memories.

Jul 09, 2024 4:45:23 PM Me

It’s just when I was young. I hit everything. I didn’t let any of the pain or trauma show. I just stuffed it down because I figured if I let it out I just get more ass beatings.

Jul 09, 2024 4:46:02 PM Me

Whenever I expressed emotions and it wasn’t the right time for my parents schedule, I was told to stop it. So that’s what I did. I stopped processing my emotion packed it up and put it into the fucking warehouse.

Jul 09, 2024 4:47:56 PM Me

Anyhow, I’m still sitting around with my thumb up my ass being completely completely useless, which is which defined me pretty well seeing that culture society capitalism and my old family don’t want me anymore. The rejection is hard to ignore. Everybody says it’s not you. It’s them which I would love to believe but then being in my line of work I would then ask the question what’s the common thing in every situation and that’s me that’s the problem.

Jul 09, 2024 4:48:26 PM Me

I am the common thing every time that’s why the rejection happens every time I’m the constant

Jul 09, 2024 4:49:33 PM Me

Aren't I allowed to feel fed up with this? So many times I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling what I’m feeling because it’s wrong or inappropriate or not the right time we’re not the right place or not the right day or week or year or life

Jul 09, 2024 4:54:29 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Feel the way you feel

Jul 09, 2024 4:54:44 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Vent it out

Jul 09, 2024 4:55:56 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Everything in your life revolves around you - you are the one constant in every part of it. Knowing this is what allows you to shift it

Jul 09, 2024 4:55:57 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 09, 2024 4:56:40 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Expecting others to change is energy wasted usually

Jul 09, 2024 4:59:44 PM Me

I have no expectations of anybody changing. I know that trying to change people as fruitless.

Jul 09, 2024 6:16:29 PM Me

Drove to Ventura by cause its 30 degrees cooler

Jul 09, 2024 6:16:59 PM Me

I’m just feeling defeated

Jul 09, 2024 6:18:34 PM Me

And I feel like I’ve already experienced as good as my life will ever get. I don’t think it can be any better than it was.

Jul 09, 2024 6:20:44 PM Me

I’m quite certain no matter what I do it won’t change my perspective that I had it and lost it all. I’m just too fucking tired. I don’t want to rebuild my life. I said that a fucking year ago I mean, had I checked out last year during that time. Look where I am now, I’m in the same fucking spot, pretty good chance I’ll probably be in the same fucking spot of year from now Again what the fuck am I here for there’s no purpose to my existence .

Jul 09, 2024 6:21:41 PM Me

And again I’ll submit why is it my job to suffer just so other people don’t have to. Another words I’m just gonna live the rest of my life miserably. Meanwhile, everybody else has a fabulous life and I don’t inconvenience them.

Jul 09, 2024 6:22:46 PM Me

I’m pretty sure it’s not my job to make other people happy. I think that’s what I’m supposed to be learning here. But apparently I have to fly in the face of Logic, which doesn’t make any fucking sense.

Jul 09, 2024 8:43:02 PM Me

Back spasms are bad. Lots of cramping, tightness and pain

Jul 09, 2024 8:52:12 PM Me

Hoping I can stay healthy otherwise. Not feeling well. Feeling run down and exhausted. I can't get sick. No where to go. Have to be sick in my car in a parking lot somewhere.

Jul 09, 2024 11:16:22 PM Me

Finished top 8 of 22

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Jul 09, 2024 11:44:19 PM Me

I’m parked in Ventura on a random street. I find myself crying to sleep tonight alone.

Jul 09, 2024 11:46:32 PM Me

Cry to sleep and wake up feeling like I never slept. Go work (or whatever the fuck I'm doing for 12-14 hours and do it over and over. I'm tired of this

Jul 10, 2024 12:41:40 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 58 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s chat tomorrow after meeting.

Jul 10, 2024 8:40:42 AM Me

In Ventura where temps will be in 70s today, vs going up into Ojai where it's 100

Jul 10, 2024 9:08:08 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Back is still in pain. Makes me miserable without even trying.

Jul 10, 2024 9:33:09 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

U close?

Jul 10, 2024 9:34:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hello>

Jul 10, 2024 9:38:54 AM Me

Hello??

Jul 10, 2024 9:38:59 AM +13038752587

Still at hotel

Jul 10, 2024 9:39:03 AM Me

You joining us

Jul 10, 2024 9:39:23 AM Me

Can you join by audio?

Jul 10, 2024 9:39:25 AM Me

On the phone?

Jul 10, 2024 9:39:27 AM +13038752587

I can join in 5m

Jul 10, 2024 9:55:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Missing out on our talk about energy market

Jul 10, 2024 9:57:30 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Last minute meeting at work - been up 27 hrs. - take notes

Jul 10, 2024 9:57:41 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 11 seconds) +13038752587

I’m a zombie 🧟

Jul 10, 2024 9:58:59 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Ok

Jul 10, 2024 10:12:34 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Still in call

Jul 10, 2024 10:13:43 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Are you still on the call?

Jul 10, 2024 10:30:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just off

Jul 10, 2024 10:32:11 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Was good meeting. Vic walked us through the energy sector and we got down to an area where we may be able to step in. We’re now going to work on building credibility by creating a report and reaching out to companies for some interviews with players in the industry to help us understand it better. Check the miro boards and tune into Slack, we

Jul 10, 2024 10:32:22 AM Me

We’re going to keep conversation going over there.

Jul 10, 2024 10:32:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Did u still want to talk?

Jul 10, 2024 10:52:27 AM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Later - taking an hour nap before picking up Lilly

Jul 10, 2024 10:52:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K

Jul 10, 2024 2:11:30 PM Me

Hello

Jul 10, 2024 2:13:25 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Hola

Jul 10, 2024 2:34:32 PM Me

Tough dash. Started at 11 and just wrapping up now. Delivering last order. Then have to recharge car, and back to computer work.

Jul 10, 2024 2:35:17 PM Me

Then I’ll dash from 4-6:30

Jul 10, 2024 2:37:53 PM Me

One of my credit cards was charged off

Jul 10, 2024 2:38:11 PM Me

Got a notice via text

Jul 10, 2024 3:34:13 PM Me

I just had the realization that if I had focused on my art really hard last year and never let up I might be making a living off of my art by now. I don’t know it certainly worth making some art and seeing if it will sell I got lots of material.

Jul 10, 2024 7:32:05 PM Me

Hi

Jul 10, 2024 7:32:11 PM Me

You at hotel?🏨

Jul 10, 2024 7:32:48 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 10, 2024 7:33:25 PM Me

You’re in a muppet movie? 🎥 rainbow 🌈 connection

Jul 10, 2024 7:33:52 PM Me

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Jul 10, 2024 7:33:55 PM +13038752587

Not at hotel 🏨

Jul 10, 2024 7:33:56 PM Me

Parked oceanfront

Jul 10, 2024 7:34:18 PM Me

Ocean is right over that railing

Jul 10, 2024 7:34:26 PM +13038752587

Dinner and bed - long day with little sleep

Jul 10, 2024 7:34:31 PM Me

Right

Jul 10, 2024 7:34:34 PM Me

Btw

Jul 10, 2024 7:35:08 PM Me

Meeting today was very good. I think we’re headed in the right direction and Vic really knows his stuff in terms of how do we find these people and then how do we connect with?

Jul 10, 2024 7:35:44 PM Me

I think Vic uses a note recording app because it was in the meeting today. Perhaps you or I ask him on Slack if he could share that. That way you’d have a transcription and you could have AI read it to you🤣🤣🤣

Jul 10, 2024 7:37:35 PM Me

I made about $60 today, but had to charge, buy food, etc. Have $39 Have to pay my phone and then the car and then storage. A lot of dashing

Jul 10, 2024 7:40:11 PM Me

Going to take a walk along coast. Need to move. Living in the car means I sit or drive Too little walking

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Jul 11, 2024 7:42:07 AM Me

Him

Jul 11, 2024 7:42:21 AM Me

Gm

Jul 11, 2024 8:52:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

LMK what ur schedule is like

Jul 11, 2024 9:01:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Curious about the hosting too 😊

Jul 11, 2024 9:10:31 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I have 7 days of hosting left. I would like to get the DNS and everything moved over before that date if possible.

Jul 11, 2024 9:11:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

People are looking at my LI profile and website. I have the analytics and can see it. I have a TON of applications out right now. Dozens over the past 3 weeks actually. And with hundreds of respondents per offer it takes a long time for teams to weed their way through all those apps to find the good ones.

Jul 11, 2024 9:15:54 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Hosting will be done first thing after I drop girls off - about 1 hour

Jul 11, 2024 9:53:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cool.

Jul 11, 2024 9:53:25 AM Me

See my post about Final Forms?

Jul 11, 2024 9:53:30 AM Me

They’re based on Boulder.

Jul 11, 2024 10:30:32 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

PW 20Hosting24!

Jul 11, 2024 10:30:57 AM (Read by you after 41 seconds) +13038752587

Emailed login info and url for parent url

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Jul 11, 2024 10:33:00 AM Me

I’ll set things up right now and let you know if I have any issues. I have my never search alone group meeting in one hour starting at 10:30 Pacific after that meeting I’m going to grab some pants and warmer clothes for Ventura. It’s below 60 in the mornings with the fog, and you feel kind of naked with a T-shirt and shorts on. It’s definitely at least a fleece on top.

Jul 11, 2024 10:33:45 AM Me

Tonight is the first night of summer dart league. Somehow I didn’t get on a team which bums me out, but I’m going to go anyway and watch because I do nothing else social and the people I play with are cool.

Jul 11, 2024 10:34:43 AM Me

And I think I told you I’m a board member now and I am officially the webmaster of VCDA. I should add that to my LinkedIn profile. I’m on a board!! And how cool is it? I can add the title webmaster back in!! So 1997

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Jul 11, 2024 11:27:59 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Hola, so FYI.

Jul 11, 2024 11:29:07 AM Me

I logged in to the hosting server but I dont see a way to transfer files. Confused and going into my never search alone meeting until as long as 12 noon.

Jul 11, 2024 11:29:13 AM Me

I’ll check back in with you.

Jul 11, 2024 11:29:24 AM Me

I AM logged in using google email.

Jul 11, 2024 12:26:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Done with the call.

Jul 11, 2024 12:49:40 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 11, 2024 12:58:13 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

They will migrate sites for 🆓

Jul 11, 2024 1:23:48 PM Me

Ok, will check that out.

Jul 11, 2024 1:23:52 PM Me

Meanwhile…

Jul 11, 2024 1:23:54 PM Me

Link to FinalForms website Success! Your interview has been scheduled. You will receive an email invitation. Company: FinalForms Job Title: Lead Product UI/UX Designer Date: Monday, Jul 15, 2024 Start Time: 12:30 PM America/Los_Angeles End Time: 1:00 PM America/Los_Angeles

Jul 11, 2024 1:48:37 PM Me

Need a hosting plan to initiate the transfer process.

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Jul 11, 2024 1:50:37 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 9 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

I sent you access to hostinger.com

Jul 11, 2024 1:51:29 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

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Jul 12, 2024 10:18:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

GM

Jul 12, 2024 10:18:59 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This is interesting:

Jul 12, 2024 10:18:59 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://support.anthropic.com/en/articles/9547008-publishing-and-remixing-artifacts?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

Jul 12, 2024 10:19:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Artifacts” is an interesting idea

Jul 12, 2024 10:26:59 AM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

It is - I have not dove in to them yet

Jul 12, 2024 11:00:13 AM Me

You among the living during normal hours today?

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Jul 12, 2024 11:01:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, sidetone — while Ventura is cooler, it is also covered in clouds and its depressing in a way that’s hard to describe. Going to do some research on FInalForms company

Jul 12, 2024 11:22:29 AM Me

No hosting tab

Jul 12, 2024 11:22:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Jul 12, 2024 11:22:42 AM Me

Not sure why

Jul 12, 2024 11:24:03 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

It’s now in the websites tab

Jul 12, 2024 11:24:17 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

You have the updated menu -

Jul 12, 2024 12:17:10 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Oh

Jul 12, 2024 12:17:11 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

thanks

Jul 12, 2024 12:18:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Just applied to a website called braintrust. They did a 4 question video interview and I’ll hear back in 3 days if I’m onboard their network for freelance gigs with the “big boy” companies.

Jul 12, 2024 12:19:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is my website tab. I dont have a hosting tab

Jul 12, 2024 12:19:41 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

Jul 12, 2024 12:20:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Logged in with gmail email

Jul 12, 2024 1:53:25 PM Me

My cell phone bill is now overdue and it’s $216. I’m about to lose my fucking mind.

Jul 12, 2024 1:54:54 PM Me

I have seven dollars to my name. I’ve been DoorDash but not making enough money. I’m just getting enough to buy food and barely charge. I just got done charging because it cut me off. It couldn’t reload cause I don’t have money so it always leaves five bucks on your account and I submitted a request to the support people and said that’s bullshit. I want to spend it down to zero I want to buy all the charge I can get and they say that’s not the way it Works And I replied in the email and told them fuck you I want you can’t hold onto my money without my permission. Fuck you.

Jul 12, 2024 1:55:05 PM Me

I’m really fucking stressed out more than I have been ever

Jul 12, 2024 1:55:41 PM Me

I have this incredible sense of panic, anxiety, and fear. I have the sense that I need to go somewhere really fast right now, but I have no fucking idea where to go and I’m starting to hyperventilate which is.

Jul 12, 2024 1:55:45 PM Me

Fun too

Jul 12, 2024 1:57:09 PM Me

I don’t know why, but I got prompted on Instagram to apply for disability. I’m really thinking about it because I’m not sure if I can work anymore. Honestly, my head kind of fucked up I’m ashamed to admit it, but I can’t focus anymore and I can’t come up with new ideas. It’s like my brain stopped working, I’ve had too much stress for too long time. I just can’t do it anymore.

Jul 12, 2024 1:58:33 PM Me

| right now is a perfect example. I wanna meditate but I don’t have any money so I need to work and that just stresses me out more and then I never take time. Amen vicious fucking cycle that it just feels like there’s no fucking escape from this now
Edited 13 seconds later | right now is a perfect example. I wanna meditate but I don’t have any money so I need to work and that just stresses me out more and then I never take time. I’m in a vicious fucking cycle that it just feels like there’s no fucking escape from this now

Jul 12, 2024 1:58:49 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll read in detail later What I caught is dashing not paying enough And lots of stress And nit focusing

Jul 12, 2024 1:59:04 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Are you dashing on Ventura

Jul 12, 2024 1:59:24 PM +13038752587

When do you complete next phase of prototype

Jul 12, 2024 2:00:13 PM ⇲ Me

I was going to try to focus on that this morning, but I realized I had eight bucks to my name so I’ve got a late phone bill a late car payment and elite insurance payment right now.

Jul 12, 2024 1:59:33 PM Me

I’m in Ventura and it’s dead and of course Ojai is very busy right now but it’s also like being in an oven

Jul 12, 2024 1:59:39 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you on financial stress

Jul 12, 2024 2:00:13 PM ⇱ Me

I was going to try to focus on that this morning, but I realized I had eight bucks to my name so I’ve got a late phone bill a late car payment and elite insurance payment right now.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 12, 2024 2:00:40 PM Me

I feel frozen like a dead deer in a headlight

Jul 12, 2024 2:00:50 PM +13038752587

Won’t prototyping pay all those

Jul 12, 2024 2:01:43 PM ⇲ Me

Could but I’m not done with the project. I can’t bill him for the last amount equal to the estimate when I’m not done with the project. Unless I’m not making sense.

Jul 12, 2024 2:02:44 PM ⇲ Me

And right now I have the project scheduled to be finished at the end of this month because I have to wait for his feedback which I got some feedback today but like I said, I can’t focus knowing I only have eight bucks no charge in my car. nothing to eat, and all those bills due It’s really hard to focus

Jul 12, 2024 2:01:02 PM Me

And of course, all of this is triggering every fucking thing in my head you can imagine so. It’s hard to contend with and quiet my mind.

Jul 12, 2024 2:01:43 PM ⇱ Me

Could but I’m not done with the project. I can’t bill him for the last amount equal to the estimate when I’m not done with the project. Unless I’m not making sense.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 12, 2024 2:02:12 PM (Read by you after 32 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like step one is meditation Then dashing until you hit your daily goal Then eat and finish prototype

Jul 12, 2024 2:02:44 PM ⇱ Me

And right now I have the project scheduled to be finished at the end of this month because I have to wait for his feedback which I got some feedback today but like I said, I can’t focus knowing I only have eight bucks no charge in my car. nothing to eat, and all those bills due It’s really hard to focus
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 12, 2024 2:04:59 PM Me

Hard to dash with less than 1/2 full battery but fuck it, If I crash and burn, lose my phone-I’m fucked. At that point it’s really not worth continuing. Just not worth the effort hassle or work involved. Too fucking tired from existence

Jul 12, 2024 2:05:29 PM Me

Sorry to bother you and always be a drag

Jul 12, 2024 2:08:34 PM Me

Exasperated

Jul 12, 2024 2:59:23 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Dash - you will earn enough to charge car and eat before 1/5 battery

Jul 12, 2024 3:01:28 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Thrivebots@gmail.com And the pw I sent Is not getting you into the dashboard??

Jul 12, 2024 3:01:56 PM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

No cap on thrivebots

Jul 12, 2024 3:40:58 PM Me

I’m dashing right now. I’ve got 20 bucks. Wanna try to get to 60 might take me the rest of the day into probably mid evening like 9 o’clock at night. I’ve been up going since 7 AM and this 12 hour day thing has been going on for almost a month now and I’m tapped the fuck out.

Jul 12, 2024 3:48:29 PM Me

Fucking DoorDash directions just sent me on a 3 mile loop to get somewhere when I literally needed to turn the fucking corner

Jul 12, 2024 4:33:03 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Hum / maybe you can put address into maps and see if it’s shorter another way in the future

Jul 12, 2024 4:33:12 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Dash hacks

Jul 12, 2024 4:55:11 PM Me

Now I’m down to 37 miles on my battery so I got to go charge again and spend another 10 bucks so I just made almost 30 bucks and a third of it has to go to my car immediately. I’ll need to spend at least 10 bucks to eat and then I’m left with 10 bucks

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Jul 12, 2024 4:58:34 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 12, 2024 5:00:58 PM Me

It sucks. $40 is ALOT of money to me now

Jul 12, 2024 5:01:12 PM Me

And it’s takes hours to make it

Jul 12, 2024 5:01:41 PM Me

Feel like I’m working at McDonald’s at the age of 16 making $3.35 a fucking hour

Jul 12, 2024 5:03:34 PM Me

I’m so incredibly jaded now. I was somewhat before but it feels like a permanent part Of the new me

Jul 12, 2024 5:04:00 PM Me

I honestly can’t think of not being jaded it’s I’m 24 seven

Jul 12, 2024 5:04:27 PM Me

Basically everything is bullshit. Everybody’s a pain in the ass. Everybody’s fucking annoying everybody’s horrible driver and in my fucking way.

Jul 12, 2024 5:05:00 PM Me

Oh, and everybody is on some kind of fucking mental vacation when I got shit to do

Jul 12, 2024 9:08:49 PM Me

Spotify

Jul 12, 2024 9:09:35 PM Me

This is really funky groove and never heard it done quite like this ever before. It’s a really interesting mashup. I need to listen to it more. But it’s safe to put on loop in the background while you’re in the kitchen getting shit done.

Jul 12, 2024 9:36:12 PM Me

Are you still awake? Are you still on the living? What’s your schedule like?

Jul 13, 2024 7:23:11 AM ⇲ Me

Hello?

Jul 13, 2024 7:23:11 AM ⇱ Me

Hello?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 13, 2024 8:06:32 AM Me

7:05 am After 1:30 am falling asleep

Jul 13, 2024 8:28:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

convenience and lack of friction win Read that in a sentence from GaryV this morning and literally if we can do those two things, save time + make it easy, people will say take my money. Te need to think this way with GroupX

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Jul 13, 2024 10:40:58 AM (Read by them after 43 minutes, 55 seconds) Me

Just sent a password reset for thrivebots@gmail.com

Jul 13, 2024 10:41:06 AM (Read by them after 43 minutes, 47 seconds) Me

I dont have the password

Jul 13, 2024 10:41:26 AM (Read by them after 43 minutes, 31 seconds) Me

When you sent me that link, I signed in as bert.mahoney@gmail.com

Jul 13, 2024 10:41:27 AM (Read by them after 43 minutes, 31 seconds) Me

Not thrivebots@gmail.com

Jul 13, 2024 11:27:46 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Use the pw I sent you

Jul 13, 2024 11:47:08 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

I created a new one - just emailed to you

Jul 13, 2024 12:49:27 PM Me

Ok

Jul 13, 2024 12:49:39 PM Me

Dashing right now in OJAI

Jul 13, 2024 12:50:05 PM Me

Dashing for another hour and a half, and then I will try to login.

Jul 13, 2024 12:50:41 PM Me

Also check LinkedIn I’m writing posts and putting them on there about how I’ve been using AI while I’ve been looking for work, I mentioned the proverbial question “so what have you been doing since you lost your last job?”

Jul 13, 2024 12:51:07 PM Me

It’s a summary essentially of what I’ve been up to these past 14 months

Jul 13, 2024 12:52:29 PM Me

I didn’t even touch on what I did for my own website what I did for my mobile app project, I’m going to write a bunch of short 500 700 word Posts and then I’ll #ThemAndSlowDripTheContentOverTheWeek. IHaveSomeThingThatI’mGoingToShareWithYouLaterTodayJustBeReadyForSomething

Jul 13, 2024 12:57:59 PM Me

FYI, I got great feedback from my client in his response to me today. Some good actionable items to make the app better and he had some open questions for me and I had answers and it felt so really good too. Move a project forward. So what I did was invoice him for the last grand of the estimate. I ran a report on my time and. I went into prototyping and blew the roof off the fucking budget I’ve invest grand extra of my time. I did mention in my note that I’m invoicing for the last bit because I’ve gone over the estimate but that’s on me. That’s my issue with estimating not his issue.

Jul 13, 2024 12:58:15 PM Me

Anyway, I’m hopeful. I can get my hands on that payment on Monday. Then I can get that cash in the bank.

Jul 13, 2024 4:09:51 PM Me

This is what I want out in the woods

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Jul 13, 2024 4:10:00 PM Me

YouTube

Jul 13, 2024 4:10:13 PM Me

The bed coming down from the ceiling at the touch of a button sold me

Jul 13, 2024 5:59:05 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 13, 2024 5:59:10 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

River mermaids 🧜‍♀️

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Jul 13, 2024 6:57:39 PM Me

Need to work on it more but I think you get it

Jul 14, 2024 8:05:10 AM Me

GM

Jul 14, 2024 8:07:35 AM Me

I concur

Jul 14, 2024 11:09:59 AM Me

Hey there, I have a question and that is I am wanting to take the boys to lunch at Fresh Grill and watch the euro finals at noon. I’m currently DoorDash for one more hour but as of right now, have five dollars from dashing and that is all the money. I have invoiced my client and I will be picking up money tomorrow however that doesn’t help me today so I don’t know if you can spot me through Venmo but I thought I would ask it doesn’t happen unless you ask.

Jul 14, 2024 12:27:06 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 44 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Wish I could - scrambling for funds - middle of the month big expenses

Jul 14, 2024 12:27:23 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 44 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Can you see if Russell can front you

Jul 14, 2024 3:12:26 PM Me

Russ was able to help me out. Thanks for following up. I appreciate that.

Jul 14, 2024 3:13:03 PM Me

And just so you know, Spain beat England two to one and a very exciting soccer game Spain scored first then England tied it up with 20 minutes left in the game and then Spain scored the winning goal with less than five minutes to go a thriller is what they would call it

Jul 14, 2024 3:13:19 PM Me

It was definitely worse, watching and worth watching with my guys

Jul 14, 2024 3:13:57 PM Me

Currently headed to charge my car for a short bit so I can DoorDash dinner

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Jul 14, 2024 5:02:07 PM Me

You at hotel tonight?

Jul 14, 2024 5:03:47 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Jul 14, 2024 5:45:55 PM Me

Ok

Jul 14, 2024 7:03:55 PM Me

I’m done DoorDash Ing primarily because I’m exhausted. And I’m exhausted of this existence. Find myself sitting alone in the storage parking lot on a beautiful evening all by myself when I should be in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife but well, how did I get here? You know I’m watching the days go by And you know what is it now I’m gonna go 15 months man. This is a fucking year and a quarter. What the fuck

Jul 14, 2024 7:08:56 PM Me

Let me know when you’re paying attention

Jul 14, 2024 8:21:41 PM Me

I’m not feeling OK

Jul 14, 2024 8:54:54 PM Me

extremely comfortable in my own skin Yet extremely lonely tired of the present state Hopeful for change towards No one knows The end

Jul 14, 2024 9:11:46 PM Me

Lonely Like the sound of water Dripping in an underground cave Alone and lonely With the sound of your own breathing, steps on the ground, heartbeat in your head With thoughts that echo off nothingness No one within 7miles Or 7inches It’s all the same kind of dark matter loneliness

Jul 14, 2024 9:12:10 PM Me

The voids of the mind

Jul 14, 2024 9:13:54 PM Me

Liminal spaces in the mind I’ve been there for long times It’s where u go b4 u go away

Jul 14, 2024 10:13:48 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 27 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Hey

Jul 14, 2024 10:14:37 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 27 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Just reading you post -

Jul 15, 2024 8:56:41 AM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

GM just about to go to sleep. Be awake around 3 pst

Jul 15, 2024 8:57:36 AM Me

k have my interview with FinalForms today

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Jul 15, 2024 8:59:21 AM Me

Something has to shift for me. I’ve shifted and continue to, yet the world of capitalism will not shift and meet up with me

Jul 15, 2024 12:29:41 PM Me

FYI -- Have 3 site transfers in progress berchman.com bertmahoney.com Group-x.com

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Jul 15, 2024 5:22:33 PM Me

Hi

Jul 15, 2024 5:39:40 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 35 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Jul 15, 2024 7:37:39 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 37 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

I will get notified when migration is completed ✔️ I’ll text you

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Liked by Me

Jul 15, 2024 7:48:47 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 26 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 15, 2024 7:48:47 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 26 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Quick walk before 🏨

Jul 15, 2024 9:53:09 PM Me

At Garage bar shooting darts practicing darts

Jul 15, 2024 10:07:51 PM Me

There is karaoke going on. People are dancing and one woman in serious platform shoes, gray hair, black glasses keeps looking 👀 at me and dancing as if to shake her tail feathers and I’m supposed to jump to my feet and dance to a song I don’t know with a woman I don’t know. Besides honestly, I can’t do that to somebody else. I’m not sure if you understand what I mean when I say that

Jul 15, 2024 10:10:41 PM Me

I learned an important and valuable lesson from dating Jenica and that was I shouldn’t be out messing about in relationships or even flirting and fucking around until I’m grounded. It really sucks because honestly if I had wanted to, I know I could’ve honestly worked my way into that woman bed tonight. Maybe 60 great legs and could dance. I don’t know how to react in those situations right now.

Jul 15, 2024 10:12:27 PM Me

I’m typing this sitting outside in my car alone. Going out into public is a double edge sword for me right now. It’s like I need to be around other human beings but then a situation like tonight comes along and there’s a part of me that just wants to follow that and see where it goes, but there’s a part of me that’s like dude you can’t do that to other people, you know the woman finally gets around to asking me so what are you do? Where do you live blah blah blah? I’m not gonna fucking lie to her. You know even if I met her five minutes ago I’m not gonna do that to somebody and fuck with their head, not right.

Jul 15, 2024 10:15:53 PM Me

Lie to her so I can get in bed? Not my style. So fucking ironic that Liz wants to divorce me because I don’t respect her boundaries. Dude, I’m respecting boundaries of women. I don’t even fucking know. It’s so ridiculous. This whole mess that my life is just doesn’t make any sense and it’s really torture. Tonight is torture Because I know if I wanted to, I could probably walk right back into that bar and walk up to that woman and say you know how are you? Just wanna introduce myself I saw you looking at me while you were dancing and go from there. It wouldn’t be hard to do, but I don’t know, any resources. I don’t have a place. I don’t have money to buy her drinks or whatever take her somewhere for nightcap to talk more and then go to her place. Who knows I’m just rambling now.

Jul 15, 2024 10:16:09 PM Me

I’m going to ask a question and I would love perhaps both an objective and subjective answer from you if it’s plausible

Jul 15, 2024 10:17:21 PM Me

Do you think something like tonight where I know I have an opportunity to meet someone it more than just friends perhaps friends with benefits. Honestly, that would be ideal if I could have six friends with benefits, one for every day of the week and a day of rest.

Jul 15, 2024 10:18:02 PM Me

Anyhow, I’m headed to the market and then to go park and sleep. I need to wake up and get to work on the final tweaks to the prototype.

Jul 15, 2024 10:18:30 PM Me

I had T-Mobile call me yesterday and today my bill is late and they I fear will shut my phone off. Still waiting for the greenlight from my client on the payment. I’m hoping I’ll see that from him tomorrow.

Jul 15, 2024 10:18:42 PM Me

OK, time to drive

Jul 15, 2024 10:27:57 PM Me

By the way, I followed up and sent an email to Tara the woman I interviewed with today. Some thing I discovered when browsing their website was it CSS error in the drop-down navigation. There was a link that was not wrapping. So it just kept going outside the box and Upon what was behind it would either show up or disappear because it was black. So I sent a screen capture with that explanation and also obviously pro forma thinking etc. I also mentioned to other things which was that I didn’t mention to her about my coaching license, my national one and then the other was, oh I didn’t get to mention both systems and design thinking and how they are basically the dominant ways I get shit done I think about Design problems and then I think about all those problems not just the system. I’m working on but the system that works with what I call the echo of the changes or the solution to be implemented There are always systems outside. What your solving for that are impacted in someway and system that could be a human.

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Jul 16, 2024 7:59:07 AM Me

Hi

Jul 16, 2024 8:00:57 AM Me

Woke up Not sure what day it is Not sure if it’s Monday or Thursday or Saturday They’re all the same now

Jul 16, 2024 8:01:41 AM Me

Feeling nothing Feel numb

Jul 16, 2024 8:02:08 AM Me

Going to get coffee and pretend to work

Jul 16, 2024 8:46:48 AM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep 💤 bb up around 3 pst

Jul 16, 2024 9:17:43 AM Me

I treated my back really hard packing up the car this morning and find it hard to sit stand or walk kind of constant pain. Not having a good morning.

Jul 16, 2024 9:17:50 AM Me

Tweaked

Jul 16, 2024 2:26:58 PM Me

I think I ate something not good for me, or I got a bug 🪳 from probably handles on doors to stores? Anyhow have been largely fetal position all morning in my car outside Starbucks by the 101 and 126 meetup. I have had eggs this morning and coffee Everything staying down but weird burps. Also holy old man tweak your back muscles moment I felt fine this morning and was able to get from the back up into the seat with no problem as I usually do, and then after I was sitting down, I was reaching forward while sitting sort of leaning and reaching for the phone and then something happened with my back muscle Instantly spasmed and then got really tight and I couldn’t move froze frozen for a bit and once the muscle started tightening up then it was like a chain reaction tighten up.

Jul 16, 2024 2:28:20 PM Me

It still hurts when I move and stretch. I tried back healing frequency videos on YouTube and they seem to help for a little bit but not completely.

Jul 16, 2024 2:35:42 PM Me

Also had the thought that my body in mind conspired this to make me slow the fuck down and stop working 10 hours a day every fucking day of the week nonstop

Jul 16, 2024 2:35:53 PM Me

Because I haven’t even looked at my fucking email today let alone do fuck all on the laptop

Jul 16, 2024 6:17:08 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Riddle me this? What is the revenue/compensation model for group x? Are we creating a company or partnership? This has been on my mind.

Jul 16, 2024 6:45:57 PM Me

That’s an excellent question that I don’t know the answer to but needs to be talked about. I drove to Darts tonight and turned around and I’m headed to the beach to try to relax. My back and stomach cramps have been going all day and I just don’t have the energy, even the sit at the table and watch. I will be in too much pain because I’m in pain right this second now.

Jul 16, 2024 6:58:52 PM Me

| I need sleep. My eyes were closed and I was unconscious but I think I was at fight club tonight
Edited 16 seconds later | I need sleep. My eyes were closed and I was unconscious but I think I was at fight club last night

Jul 16, 2024 9:12:58 PM Me

View it as you would an abstract painting

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Jul 17, 2024 9:27:00 AM Me

Let me know what your day is like

Jul 17, 2024 9:32:16 AM (Read by you after 55 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

So we have a call right now

Jul 17, 2024 9:33:54 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Do*

Jul 17, 2024 9:34:08 AM (Read by you after 53 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Looks like one is on the calendar

Jul 17, 2024 10:27:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I realized it right after I texted and jumped on

Jul 17, 2024 10:29:21 AM Me

I like where this is going. I think the web3 energy crossover is a space for opportunities

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Jul 17, 2024 10:49:10 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep 💤 for 4 hours

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Liked by Me

Jul 17, 2024 4:06:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

having a hard day mentally

Jul 17, 2024 4:06:17 PM Me

feeling really lost

Jul 17, 2024 4:06:24 PM Me

and alone

Jul 17, 2024 4:08:32 PM Me

lonliness is so bad I’m crying

Jul 17, 2024 4:11:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

been in the same spot for over 6 hours. going to change locations. wont help much but at least not in the same spot all day 😟

Jul 17, 2024 4:11:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the form of isolation I’m living in is hurts

Jul 17, 2024 4:14:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Its very hard to make friends as an older adult, mainly because people already have their set of friends they’ve collected over their lives. Peoples lives are full.

Jul 17, 2024 5:37:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

This is a false belief. Many accept this as reality. The fact is there are many people seeking friends but let this get in there way.

Jul 17, 2024 4:14:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyohw I was htinking you were awayke no big, going to go sit more in the car somewhere else

Jul 17, 2024 4:14:43 PM Me

speaking of which in 3 days I’m 2 car payments behind

Jul 17, 2024 5:38:14 PM ⇲ +13038752587

When do you get prototype payment

Jul 17, 2024 4:15:01 PM Me

I’m sick of doordashing

Jul 17, 2024 4:15:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m sick of this existence

Jul 17, 2024 4:15:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and talk of “it will be over soon” will only be met with more time due. That’s a fact.

Jul 17, 2024 4:17:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

because everytime its said weeks go by… I know. I’m tuned into weird shit. My brain attaches itself to things. -- OK done being a PITA I’ll text tomorrow

Jul 17, 2024 4:18:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

forgot to mentionone thing.... I find that I feel more comfortable in the place I dont want to be, alone. Lovely paradox.

Jul 17, 2024 4:19:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and I’ve spent all day fighting webservers because they turn off my hosting today.

Jul 17, 2024 5:40:06 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Pay siteground for one month - 35

Jul 17, 2024 5:40:21 PM ⇲ +13038752587

That should give you enough time to move shit

Jul 17, 2024 4:19:30 PM Me

my portfolio website has been down all day.

Jul 17, 2024 4:19:42 PM Me

I hope the FinalForms people arent trying to look 😟

Jul 17, 2024 4:19:50 PM Me

would be my fucking luck

Jul 17, 2024 4:20:35 PM Me

it will be really sad if I miss out on this job because of that

Jul 17, 2024 4:20:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

crying thinking about it,

Jul 17, 2024 4:47:23 PM Me

Feeling very fucked over I shouldn’t be living like this. To put someone through this, do nothing and watch is inhumane and cruel beyond words in my opinion. I would have helped her if the shoe was on the other foot. I should remind her that her mom never lived out of her car. Her father at least had the humanity to make sure she was safe. FUCK FUCK FUCK

Jul 17, 2024 5:40:57 PM ⇲ +13038752587

What’s up With divorce paperwork

Jul 17, 2024 4:48:23 PM Me

For real. I mean can we exhibit MORE self centeredness than that? Not sure it’s fucking possible

Jul 17, 2024 4:48:31 PM Me

Thoughts?

Jul 17, 2024 5:37:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

This is a false belief. Many accept this as reality. The fact is there are many people seeking friends but let this get in there way.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 5:38:14 PM ⇱ +13038752587

When do you get prototype payment
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 5:40:06 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Pay siteground for one month - 35
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 5:40:21 PM ⇱ +13038752587

That should give you enough time to move shit
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 5:40:57 PM ⇱ +13038752587

What’s up With divorce paperwork
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 5:41:36 PM +13038752587

Offline until later - no hotel tonight

Jul 17, 2024 6:48:17 PM Me

The back pain and spasms I’ve been experiencing or also manifesting as pain going down right into my right testicle all the way down the nerve and I think it’s degeneration doing that which is great because that means it’s just gonna get worse and I’m gonna need fucking surgery stat

Jul 17, 2024 8:46:42 PM Me

Liz can’t pay insurance I’ll have no car insurance on Friday at 12:01am. I can’t do this anymore I can’t take the fucking stress

Jul 17, 2024 8:46:53 PM Me

I really don’t want to be alive

Jul 17, 2024 8:48:59 PM Me

I’m not ok

Jul 17, 2024 9:10:18 PM +13038752587

Deep breathing 😮‍💨

Jul 17, 2024 9:11:09 PM +13038752587

In a few days you will have a bed to sleep on. A roof over your head.

Jul 17, 2024 9:11:59 PM +13038752587

You have money coming in from prototype

Jul 17, 2024 9:27:12 PM ⇲ Me

Won't be here soon enough

Jul 17, 2024 9:20:12 PM Me

My insurance will cost even more to restore. My phone is overdue $200 Storage is $200 end of month And I owe $880 on the car. So fucked.

Jul 17, 2024 9:21:07 PM Me

I don’t think people understand my brain doesn’t work right so trying to call places and get things organized and make appointments and do all that kind of shit is impossible for me right now. I am frazzled and fucking mentally shot.

Jul 17, 2024 9:21:28 PM Me

I’m literally shaking like a fucking leaf. I can’t stop shaking and I’ve been shaking for 20 fucking minutes.

Jul 17, 2024 9:22:09 PM Me

Mentally I'm done

Jul 17, 2024 9:23:34 PM Me

I'm going to walk in the store and buy a package of turkey meat because that’s all I can afford tonight

Jul 17, 2024 9:23:54 PM Me

and I don’t know what to do about my car. I have 24 miles of Charge and I’m stuck at target because I can’t reload my charging card.

Jul 17, 2024 9:27:12 PM ⇱ Me

Won't be here soon enough
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:28:38 PM Me

Supposed to meet dog sitter Place on Friday I'm fucked for next week. No car, no money, no food. I have to cancel the house sit 😢

Jul 17, 2024 9:40:11 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Do not cancel house sit

Jul 17, 2024 9:40:51 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Stop being so defeatist.

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:14 PM ⇲ +13038752587

You have two days to make shit happen.

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:28 PM ⇲ Me

No 27 hours

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

How much is car insurance

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:44 PM ⇲ Me

Goes off midnight tomorrow

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:53 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Did you dash today

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:54 PM ⇲ Me

12:01am Friday

Jul 17, 2024 9:42:06 PM ⇲ Me

$30 dashing

Jul 17, 2024 9:42:23 PM ⇲ Me

Can't get car charged

Jul 17, 2024 9:42:31 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Why not

Jul 17, 2024 9:42:34 PM ⇲ Me

I might be here all nihht

Jul 17, 2024 9:29:59 PM Me

I asked Liz to pay the car insurance because she has the Subaru and it’s on the insurance and I’ve been paying it for since last year and she told me she can’t pay because she has tuition and she’s helping Aidan pay his rent. I nearly fucking blew my mind when I heard her say she’s helping him pay his rent and I am fucking homeless. he can live in that fucking house she gets for free

Jul 17, 2024 9:30:23 PM Me

I have so much shit to do not enough time to do it and I’m losing my fucking mind

Jul 17, 2024 9:30:42 PM Me

i’m really on the fucking precipice I don’t know what the fuck to do

Jul 17, 2024 9:31:10 PM Me

One thing I do know I’m not gonna stick around before it gets fucking super painful and ugly

Jul 17, 2024 9:31:36 PM Me

I mean inside my head I’m already there and I’ve been there for a long time, but I am losing my car is the end of the fucking line for me

Jul 17, 2024 9:32:11 PM Me

sitting here, fucking frozen, unable to charge my car and eating turkey meat and water for dinner. Yay.

Jul 17, 2024 9:40:11 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Do not cancel house sit
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:40:51 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Stop being so defeatist.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:14 PM ⇱ +13038752587

You have two days to make shit happen.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:28 PM ⇱ Me

No 27 hours
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

How much is car insurance
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:44 PM ⇱ Me

Goes off midnight tomorrow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:53 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Did you dash today
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:41:54 PM ⇱ Me

12:01am Friday
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:42:06 PM ⇱ Me

$30 dashing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:42:23 PM ⇱ Me

Can't get car charged
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:42:31 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Why not
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:42:34 PM ⇱ Me

I might be here all nihht
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 17, 2024 9:43:45 PM Me

The app for the charging company will not reload with my money from my bank. And I haven’t changed any settings. It just isn’t working. I even went past my defeatist mentality and called support and they could not help me all they told me to do was wait 10 minutes and try again So I’m about to try again, but I’m not really hopeful. And I tried using the physical card on the front of the charging unit and that won’t work either.

Jul 17, 2024 9:43:50 PM +13038752587

Why can’t you charge your car

Jul 17, 2024 9:44:34 PM +13038752587

Ok chill then - the app will come back online

Jul 17, 2024 9:44:35 PM Me

you need to put money into your charging account and then you can charge your car. My charging account has $1.25 in it. They won’t let me charge. It needs to be reloaded with $10.

Jul 17, 2024 9:45:05 PM +13038752587

What’s the hold up on reload

Jul 17, 2024 9:45:13 PM Me

i’ve completely lost the entire evening from this and there is no fucking way. I am coming up with $250 in 27 hours.

Jul 17, 2024 9:45:34 PM Me

I could try to DoorDash, but there is no way I’ll make that much money in 24 hours and besides DoorDash won’t let me do that many hours in a row

Jul 17, 2024 9:45:36 PM +13038752587

Bull shit - it can be done

Jul 17, 2024 9:45:57 PM +13038752587

What else is possible

Jul 17, 2024 9:46:03 PM Me

maybe you in the state of mind you’re in right right now. But me and my head in the situation I’m in. I can’t do it and you could have Tony Robbins next to me hyping me up. It isn’t gonna fucking happen.

Jul 17, 2024 9:46:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Besides. Dashing

Jul 17, 2024 9:46:36 PM Me

I have nothing besides dashing. The only other thing would be to sell shit from my storage unit, but how the fuck am I gonna do that loaded up in the car and put it out on the street and sit next to it? I don’t even have enough juice to get back to fucking Ojai.

Jul 17, 2024 9:47:00 PM +13038752587

Step be step

Jul 17, 2024 9:47:05 PM Me

I’d have to advertise and let people know. I’m selling my shit somewhere but I I just don’t know dude I’m fucked. That’s just it. It’s done.

Jul 17, 2024 9:47:33 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

First is to wait until the app can work to get a charge

Jul 17, 2024 9:47:43 PM Me

I'm done

Jul 17, 2024 9:47:54 PM +13038752587

Then be ready to dash tomorrow

Jul 17, 2024 9:47:57 PM Me

Done and over

Jul 17, 2024 9:48:12 PM Me

I have JSC meeting in morning

Jul 17, 2024 9:48:26 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

Does that make you money

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Jul 17, 2024 9:48:39 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

How long is the meeting

Jul 17, 2024 9:49:21 PM Me

1.5 hours but usually less. Likely hour

Jul 17, 2024 9:49:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

When is check from prototyping arriving

Jul 17, 2024 9:49:35 PM Me

I’m the host of the meeting

Jul 17, 2024 9:50:11 PM Me

No idea on prototype money. I sent him the invoice with my last update on Sunday. He sent me changes to be made and I’m still making them. I think he’s waiting for me to finish, but I won’t be done tomorrow or in time to get money tomorrow.

Jul 17, 2024 9:50:40 PM Me

I just don’t have the mental capacity to organize and keep track of shit

Jul 17, 2024 9:50:58 PM +13038752587

That sound like the priority- dash far power and food then all other time in finishing prototype

Jul 17, 2024 9:51:00 PM Me

The stress and depression and anxiety and the whole fucking soup in my head makes it impossible. Given the situation. I’m in. It’s just so fucking stressful.

Jul 17, 2024 9:51:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

One bite at a time

Jul 17, 2024 9:51:36 PM Me

I’m sitting here wondering why the fuck I wanna be alive

Jul 17, 2024 9:51:42 PM +13038752587

Dash for fuel and food

Jul 17, 2024 9:51:49 PM Me

I’ve been I’ve been sitting around doing this shit for a year. I don’t wanna fucking do this anymore.

Jul 17, 2024 9:52:14 PM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Indeed hear you and

Jul 17, 2024 9:52:56 PM +13038752587

Your are literally two days away from a reprieve

Jul 17, 2024 9:53:14 PM Me

I keep trying to convince myself this is worth continuing, but I don’t know anymore for real

Jul 17, 2024 9:53:29 PM Me

And by continuing, I mean breathing

Jul 17, 2024 9:53:39 PM +13038752587

It is and will be

Jul 17, 2024 9:54:37 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

So are you in board with the simple plan for tomorrow?

Jul 17, 2024 9:54:51 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

*on board

Jul 17, 2024 9:55:07 PM Me

I don’t even know what the plan is

Jul 17, 2024 9:55:20 PM Me

i’m too busy, shaking, hyperventilating and crying into the palms of my hands

Jul 17, 2024 9:55:27 PM +13038752587

What time is meeting

Jul 17, 2024 9:55:27 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 17, 2024 9:55:33 PM Me

I look up to catch my breath and wipe my eyes and see if you’ve texted back otherwise it’s moore crying and

Jul 17, 2024 9:55:58 PM Me

I was moving my car that’s why it said it was driving

Jul 17, 2024 9:56:24 PM Me

meeting is from 10:30 to 12 but it’s usually been getting done at 11:30

Jul 17, 2024 9:56:42 PM Me

in 57 miles I will have 50,000 miles on this car when I got it last year it had 28k

Jul 17, 2024 9:59:41 PM Me

Card reloaded. Charging now. I may not get all of the $10 worth though when it gets to five it tries to reload and if it can’t reload it stops, it won’t let it run down to zero. I already contacted support about this and said I don’t want you keeping five bucks of my money and making interest off it? I want to use all my money to charge my car and they said that’s part of the terms and conditions and that they mail you a check for whatever your balances if you decide to close your account.

Jul 17, 2024 10:02:12 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok - Plan is 1 hangout where you are until app is functional and you can charge car 2 sleep 3 wake up and dash 4 meeting 5 dash to make $40-60 6 finish prototype work Then we can figure out next steps - don’t even think about anything until these steps are completed

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Jul 17, 2024 10:03:02 PM Me

Don’t forget, I’ve got a stabbing backache for the past 48 hours too. Still going to

Jul 17, 2024 10:04:45 PM Me

honestly, think that’s why I’m falling apart. Dealing with this fucking backache and the stress of not doing work or looking for work and hardly being able to DoorDash because it hurts too much. I’m already stressed the fuck out just because of that and then the car insurance and then the car payment and then the storage payment, it just all comes at me all at once and in this state of mind I just can’t do it

Jul 17, 2024 10:05:56 PM Me

yesterday and today I’ve basically sat around, squirming trying to get into a comfortable position that isn’t painful and then when I do, it’s just a matter of time until that hurts and I have to move and try to find another spot where it doesn’t hurt. and the pain is bad enough. I can’t focus on anything. I can’t listen to podcasts watch YouTube videos and try to learn something. I can’t focus because of the pain and then the stress on top of it with my life.

Jul 17, 2024 10:06:27 PM Me

i’m sorry you have to deal with me

Jul 17, 2024 10:06:39 PM Me

truly, because I don’t like dealing with me, so I know what it’s like

Jul 17, 2024 10:07:18 PM +13038752587

Take some aspirin to help best it can and do the best you can

Jul 17, 2024 10:07:25 PM Me

And I did meditate the fuck out of today. I did over two hours of meditation.

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Jul 17, 2024 10:07:33 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Putting girls to bed

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Jul 17, 2024 10:07:34 PM Me

and I’m still losing my shit

Jul 17, 2024 10:07:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Do some more

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Jul 17, 2024 10:08:19 PM Me

there was a moment today where I would’ve gone and sat on the beach for hours on end and just sat there in my head thinking of nothing

Jul 17, 2024 11:06:38 PM Me

Thanks for your help tonight. Heading to a spot in town for sleep

Jul 17, 2024 11:10:10 PM Me

I realized later on that I was in a mental storm. That's when my brain 🧠 can't function and I send you 100 texta

Jul 17, 2024 11:10:45 PM Me

thank you for your patience time and effort on my behalf

Jul 17, 2024 11:11:56 PM Me

Even though I get off the rails I'm present to your help. So thanks 🙏 and sweet dreams. I'll start early and see what I get

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Jul 18, 2024 7:21:52 AM Me

Up

Jul 18, 2024 8:56:49 AM Me

my personal website is still down. Been down for a day now. DNS wont propogate. This is the universe conspiring to keep me where I am. I know the ppl I interviewed with are looking at my stuff. If this causes me to lose this opportunity I’m done.

Jul 18, 2024 8:57:44 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Stop - change your thoughts pattern

Jul 18, 2024 8:59:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have 17% battery on laptop and have to do an hour long video stream. No coffee shops in ventura have outlets — no idea why. Every starbucks in VTa has all outlets coverd with solid plastic covers.

Jul 18, 2024 8:59:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

May have to drive up to Ojai for meeting just to go to starbucks for power

Jul 18, 2024 9:00:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

have had 2 deliveries in 1.5 hours

Jul 18, 2024 9:00:29 AM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Find a local coffee shop-

Jul 18, 2024 9:01:20 AM ⇲ Me

dont have outlets, and the only independents around here are PACKED everymorning. I couldnt get a seat if I wanted one

Jul 18, 2024 9:00:41 AM Me

I’ll be doing this for 12 hours today.

Jul 18, 2024 9:01:20 AM ⇱ Me

dont have outlets, and the only independents around here are PACKED everymorning. I couldnt get a seat if I wanted one
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 18, 2024 9:01:41 AM Me

I’ve tried multiple times

Jul 18, 2024 9:02:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I bring my battery back up, but that’s empty. Been down here since Monday

Jul 18, 2024 9:02:20 AM Me

BTW 41 days until Darragh starts school

Jul 18, 2024 9:03:40 AM Me

not sure what I’m going to do. I’ll not be able to go up for the opening weekend. no means — $$$$, flight, hotel, food, uber’s.

Jul 18, 2024 9:04:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I may just sell all my shit in storage

Jul 18, 2024 9:04:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

no fucking idea, other than I’m tired and want off.

Jul 18, 2024 9:07:51 AM Me

Right now need another $230 to pay insurance

Jul 18, 2024 9:08:14 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And that is without charging car ,or eating

Jul 18, 2024 9:13:55 AM Me

I’m dashing here in Ventura until 9 AM. I think I’m going to drive up to Ojai after that so I can do my meeting and not lose power. Then I will DoorDash up in Ojai because honestly it’s roughly the same money per hour more or less I don’t make more Ventura like I thought I would.

Jul 18, 2024 10:07:38 AM Me

After last order in Vta my 2 hr dash was done. So headed to Ojai and turned on the dash app. While using restroom at Starbucks I get a delivery from Starbucks. Only $6 but better than 0

Jul 18, 2024 10:08:07 AM Me

I'll dash until 10:15 then prep for my meeting at 10:30

Jul 18, 2024 10:09:10 AM Me

After I'm done with meeting I'll turn dash app back on and work at Starbucks until I get next delivery

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Jul 18, 2024 11:10:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“…today is the anniversary of the day I was born. In this moment, I do not sense a connection to the term “my birthday.” In the practical way, I understand the meaning, and there is nothing wrong with this term at all. In fact, I am grateful to this term, because it has given me the opportunity to think. In this moment, I can see that this birth, and this life, are so precious to me. I see my deep self as the steward of my body, my mind, and my karmic inheritance. I am enjoying my duty to care for them, and am doing my best. I understand that this body was born on this day, but I do not think of it as mine anymore. As long as it is in my care, I will protect it, but because I cannot keep this life, I know it is not mine. All told, I don’t want to keep this life, but as long as I am connected to it, I will honor it.”

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Jul 18, 2024 11:10:11 AM Me

🤯

Jul 18, 2024 11:10:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wow

Jul 18, 2024 11:10:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one of the buddhist teachers I follow and meditate with

Jul 18, 2024 11:15:28 AM Me

Jul 18, 2024 1:45:20 PM Me

4 hours of dashing so far

Jul 18, 2024 1:45:29 PM Me

40

Jul 18, 2024 1:52:47 PM Me

been going nonstop since 630 and haven’t stopped to take any kind of fucking break Gonna stop dashing at 2 o’clock and start back up at four because I don’t want to miss the 730 to 930 window. You get three extra dollars per delivery which realistically I’ll make about 10 bucks extra bucks in those two hours, that’s about it. As things stand right now I’m at just over $40.

Jul 18, 2024 1:53:17 PM Me

i’ve been asking the universe to show me the money all morning and so far I don’t know

Jul 18, 2024 1:55:09 PM Me

did I mention it’s in the 90s up here and I’m sweating like a fucking swamp donkey

Jul 18, 2024 1:56:28 PM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

So far it’s shown $40 👍 Appreciate it Be grateful for it Ask how does it get better than that? Then what else is possible?

Jul 18, 2024 1:57:29 PM Me

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Jul 18, 2024 2:06:47 PM Me

any thoughts on my plan on using 2 to 4 to finish the prototype and if that gets done jump to divorce paperwork which I almost have done. I need to write out in detail specifically what I’m asking for in terms of splitting assets. The lawyer in our presentation was very clear that you cannot make assumptions of any kind, you have to explicitly say exactly what it is. It’s very black and white and the judge takes that and decides what to do based on their interpretation of the situation which I have to say I’m infinitely curious to see what a judge would decide in my case.

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Jul 18, 2024 2:12:37 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 18, 2024 2:54:55 PM Me

I was just asked if I can be a substitute at summer league darts tonight… of course

Jul 18, 2024 2:55:11 PM Me

Texted by prez of the league

Jul 18, 2024 2:55:26 PM Me

Asking me to sub for his wife 😊

Jul 18, 2024 2:56:55 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Be careful of distractions that pull you away from your goal

Jul 18, 2024 3:17:43 PM Me

ballistic here Shelley there’s no way on God’s green earth that I am going to get to $250 before I run out of hours that I can drive I’ve done and I’ve got 70 bucks

Jul 18, 2024 3:17:54 PM Me

6 hours 70$

Jul 18, 2024 3:18:11 PM Me

so big deal I waste six more more hours to get to 140 that doesn’t pay my insurance and then I get screwed out of Darts

Jul 18, 2024 3:18:15 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What haywith 84 order

Jul 18, 2024 3:18:16 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 18, 2024 3:18:40 PM +13038752587

*happend

Jul 18, 2024 3:18:42 PM Me

Fucked no matter what

Jul 18, 2024 3:19:03 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Your mindset is wrong

Jul 18, 2024 3:19:21 PM Me

Dude, I can have all the positive thinking in the world. It’s not gonna make me $100 out of thin fucking air.

Jul 18, 2024 3:19:39 PM Me

I dreamed of money trees, my whole life, and they ain’t never shown up so

Jul 18, 2024 3:19:56 PM +13038752587

Of course not - but there are many ways to make money

Jul 18, 2024 3:20:07 PM +13038752587

Thought plus action

Jul 18, 2024 3:20:26 PM Me

I mean fine I’ll text him. I’ll pass but that means I’ll likely get skipped over when I can sub, but then I won’t be able to drive anyway because I won’t have car insurance.

Jul 18, 2024 3:20:30 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Negative thoughts lead to no action

Jul 18, 2024 3:20:42 PM Me

dude, I’ll take as much action as possible. I’m telling you there is no money.

Jul 18, 2024 3:20:59 PM +13038752587

Let re phrase

Jul 18, 2024 3:21:07 PM Me

and if there is money, somebody’s fucking hiding it because I don’t know where the fuck it is

Jul 18, 2024 3:21:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Right thoughts and right action

Jul 18, 2024 3:21:16 PM Me

Don’t you think I would’ve figured that the fuck out by now instead of sitting in this fucking hole?

Jul 18, 2024 3:21:40 PM Me

I’m sorry, man I know you’re trying to do the right thing but my back is against the wall and I’m kind of fucked

Jul 18, 2024 3:22:00 PM Me

DoorDash Ing isn’t gonna get me there

Jul 18, 2024 3:22:13 PM +13038752587

Only if you think you are

Jul 18, 2024 3:22:24 PM Me

I know I’ll text the president back and tell him I can’t sub because I have to make money to pay my car insurance

Jul 18, 2024 3:22:30 PM +13038752587

But it gets you part of the way

Jul 18, 2024 3:23:13 PM +13038752587

Stick to the plan

Jul 18, 2024 3:23:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Dash, prototype = cash

Jul 18, 2024 3:23:50 PM Me

Hey, I thought positively and it got me a quarter of the way there, I should be half

Jul 18, 2024 3:24:06 PM Me

prototype is not money. I get my hands on today and that doesn’t help me.

Jul 18, 2024 3:24:34 PM +13038752587

You should be where you are 1/4 is good - be appreciative

Jul 18, 2024 3:24:54 PM Me

but I don’t wanna piss away the two hours I get to pretend to be relaxed. When all I’m doing right now is crying in public cause I can’t keep the fucking stress inside me anymore.

Jul 18, 2024 3:25:06 PM +13038752587

Today tomorrow who ares the effort brings money your way

Jul 18, 2024 3:26:05 PM ⇲ Me

so then it’ll cost me $300 for my insurance and then I can’t pay my phone which is past due and my car which is two payments past due and then I have another $200 due in 10 days

Jul 18, 2024 3:26:17 PM ⇲ Me

$1100 like right the fuck now

Jul 18, 2024 3:25:32 PM Me

you know it’s gonna be the fucking irony of this. I’m gonna get through this and then I’m gonna find out I have cancer because I have all the fucking stress

Jul 18, 2024 3:26:05 PM ⇱ Me

so then it’ll cost me $300 for my insurance and then I can’t pay my phone which is past due and my car which is two payments past due and then I have another $200 due in 10 days
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 18, 2024 3:26:08 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Wow - negative rules the land

Jul 18, 2024 3:26:17 PM ⇱ Me

$1100 like right the fuck now
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 18, 2024 3:26:48 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

How much is prototype

Jul 18, 2024 3:27:07 PM Me

I’m just looking at everything I’ve the money is only one thing. Like in the insurance is one thing. There’s also eating and to sleep and not umping off a building or finding a rope and hanging myself.

Jul 18, 2024 3:27:29 PM Me

I’m just I’ve been up since 6 AM and this is the first time I’ve stood still for longer than 10 minutes

Jul 18, 2024 3:27:53 PM Me

when you’re hustling like your life, depends on it and you realize you’re not gonna get there. It’s not fun.

Jul 18, 2024 3:28:13 PM Me

add that on top of the fucking buffet plate I’m already carrying

Jul 18, 2024 3:28:23 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Stop telling me and yourself your not going to get there

Jul 18, 2024 3:28:37 PM Me

I mean, pylon the fucking stress I mean, I can take it

Jul 18, 2024 3:28:56 PM +13038752587

Stick to the plan

Jul 18, 2024 3:29:08 PM Me

stress isn’t gonna break me in half. I can be turned into a fucking diamond before that’ll happen. I just I’ve just been in this too long like I’ve told you it’s gonna take me a year to get my head straight. I have a perspective that is very hard to change.

Jul 18, 2024 3:29:34 PM +13038752587

Interesting story

Jul 18, 2024 3:29:39 PM Me

and this perspective has come about because of my living situation and what I deal with on a daily basis every day over and over and over again and not having any kind of future to look forward to other than having to rebuild your fucking life from the ground up when you’re already fucking exhausted from living

Jul 18, 2024 3:30:05 PM Me

I know, bitching complain, bitching complain, but dammit

Jul 18, 2024 3:30:14 PM Me

I'm fed up

Jul 18, 2024 3:30:31 PM Me

i’m on the fucking amusement ride at the county fair and I can’t get the fuck off

Jul 18, 2024 3:30:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok - no that it’s out - you can let it go

Jul 18, 2024 3:30:40 PM +13038752587

Now

Jul 18, 2024 3:31:22 PM Me

now that what is out?

Jul 18, 2024 3:31:28 PM Me

I don’t think I’m tracking you

Jul 18, 2024 3:31:40 PM +13038752587

The bitchin and complaining

Jul 18, 2024 3:31:57 PM Me

Fine

Jul 18, 2024 3:33:16 PM Me

Jul 18, 2024 3:33:34 PM Me

happily enjoying a cup of coffee at Starbucks right about now

Jul 18, 2024 3:34:04 PM Me

OK, I’m going into prototype mode when it’s ready for clicking I’ll send you a link

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Jul 18, 2024 5:34:16 PM Me

😔

Jul 18, 2024 5:36:00 PM Me

I'm doordashing again. Turned on

Jul 18, 2024 5:37:30 PM Me

Why is it when I could actually have fun with other people I can't. I have zero social life so to miss that really sucks

Jul 18, 2024 5:46:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

here’s the link to the prototype:

Jul 18, 2024 5:46:58 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Figma

Jul 18, 2024 5:47:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

About to record a short video walking him through my changes.

Jul 18, 2024 5:47:35 PM Me

Once he approves it I want to polish things up a bit.

Jul 18, 2024 6:13:53 PM Me

delivering delicious smelling pizza that I can have sucks

Jul 18, 2024 6:36:01 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

client notified of prototype update

Jul 18, 2024 6:51:21 PM Me

now now it’s Chalupa‘s and nacho fries in my car. I don’t know what the hell they put in that stuff but they make the smell really appealing.

Jul 18, 2024 6:52:38 PM Me

i’m dashing until 630 then I’m going to charge my car because I’m at about 30 miles left so I can be ready for 730 to 930. They have a promo you get three dollars extra every order so like I said it might be 10 more bucks, but yeah, I’m probably gonna end up with about 140 for just under 12 hours of driving

Jul 18, 2024 7:06:35 PM Me

this was a good run. I never knew what day this would end for me but looks like it’s today. I won’t even dare DoorDash without car insurance because if something were to happen, I might end up in jail who the fuck knows. So I’m kind of done. right now, my plan is to maybe drive up to 33 as far as I can park the car and then just go walk into the wilderness

Jul 18, 2024 7:10:52 PM Me

enjoying a dinner of slice of gluten-free bread and turkey meat. That’s it.

Jul 18, 2024 7:12:07 PM Me

I just realized I won’t be able to drive to my beach sit tomorrow

Jul 18, 2024 7:35:02 PM Me

Been going 12 hours

Jul 18, 2024 8:00:30 PM Me

How long do I wait to let the house sitter know I can't come down?

Jul 18, 2024 8:00:56 PM Me

I'm stressed all the way the fuck out

Jul 18, 2024 8:01:02 PM +13038752587

Why are you not going?

Jul 18, 2024 8:02:01 PM ⇲ Me

My car can't move

Jul 18, 2024 8:01:02 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 18, 2024 8:01:49 PM Me

I'm not driving I'm charging

Jul 18, 2024 8:02:01 PM ⇱ Me

My car can't move
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 18, 2024 8:03:19 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Why

Jul 18, 2024 8:04:44 PM Me

No insurance. Just never thought i d REALLY be on the streets. I drop a level on the homeless chart now

Jul 18, 2024 8:05:11 PM Me

Car can't move after midnight

Jul 18, 2024 8:05:19 PM Me

And I have no fucking idea where to park

Jul 18, 2024 8:05:28 PM +13038752587

I want you to call your parents and have them pay for your insurance

Jul 18, 2024 8:05:37 PM Me

Cry my fucking eyes out trying to think and I can’t

Jul 18, 2024 8:05:51 PM Me

My dad’s in the fucking hospital today, dude I can’t call them

Jul 18, 2024 8:06:01 PM +13038752587

Is it just yours? Why have you been paying for Liz’s ?

Jul 18, 2024 8:06:08 PM +13038752587

Why?

Jul 18, 2024 8:06:15 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Is he in the hospital

Jul 18, 2024 8:06:33 PM ⇲ Me

Bleeding out his ass

Jul 18, 2024 8:06:17 PM Me

I'm donr

Jul 18, 2024 8:06:19 PM Me

Done

Jul 18, 2024 8:06:32 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Not hearing that noise anymore

Jul 18, 2024 8:06:33 PM ⇱ Me

Bleeding out his ass
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 18, 2024 8:07:02 PM +13038752587

Ok - probably pollups

Jul 18, 2024 8:07:28 PM Me

I’m already in our 13 right now and I haven’t fucking taken a break and I’m kind of at my fucking wits end. I’m really thinking about going up into the mountains and never come back.

Jul 18, 2024 8:07:50 PM Me

It’s a place I like and I feel safe and nobody can find me

Jul 18, 2024 8:08:06 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Quit that way of taking and thinking

Jul 18, 2024 8:08:36 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) +13038752587

Do not I repeat do not miss this house sitting gig

Jul 18, 2024 8:10:16 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This is the breath of fresh air you need

Jul 18, 2024 8:09:00 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Drive done there tonight and park close by

Jul 18, 2024 8:09:05 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

*down

Jul 18, 2024 8:09:16 PM +13038752587

*talking

Jul 18, 2024 8:10:16 PM (Read by you after 30 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This is the breath of fresh air you need
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 18, 2024 8:11:15 PM Me

It just sucks. I got so close. I’m so mentally spent right now. I almost can’t hold it together anymore.

Jul 18, 2024 8:11:28 PM Me

Water just keeps coming out of my eyes and it won’t stop

Jul 18, 2024 8:12:04 PM Me

OK, I’m gonna try to take the next 20 minutes and stop crying because I have to start DoorDash ashing again in 20 minutes for the next two hours until it dark and then if I don’t have enough money, I’ll keep going and then I’ll just fucking go away

Jul 18, 2024 8:13:17 PM Me

I’m sorry about the negativity dude but you haven’t been in my shoes for almost 15 months. I know you can empathize, but this is a mindfuck beyond all mine fucks.

Jul 18, 2024 8:13:43 PM Me

I haven’t had a day without stress for almost a year of fucking half

Jul 18, 2024 8:18:45 PM Me

Hey

Jul 18, 2024 8:19:21 PM Me

Russ and my mom are going to help me until my client pays, then I pay them back

Jul 18, 2024 8:19:40 PM Me

He's venmoing me $$$ now

Jul 18, 2024 8:20:01 PM Me

🙏🙏🏿🙏🏻

Jul 18, 2024 8:21:53 PM Me

I’m still going to DoorDash at least for one more hour till 830 and see how I feel. I woke up at 6 AM on some street in downtown Ventura on my DoorDash order in 10 minutes and I have not stopped since.

Jul 18, 2024 8:30:03 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Good to hear

Jul 18, 2024 8:30:34 PM +13038752587

And you are doing the house sitting gig - RIGHT?

Jul 18, 2024 8:30:40 PM Me

yes

Jul 18, 2024 8:32:17 PM Me

just paid

Jul 18, 2024 8:32:19 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

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Jul 18, 2024 8:38:41 PM Me

❤️

Jul 18, 2024 8:38:51 PM Me

I can sleep tonight instead of not

Jul 18, 2024 8:39:14 PM Me

up wondering WTF am I gonna do?

Jul 18, 2024 8:39:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, I sent the links did you get them?

Jul 18, 2024 8:40:17 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - will review later

Jul 18, 2024 8:40:26 PM Me

cool thanks!

Jul 18, 2024 8:41:48 PM Me

I need to work out some minor kinks and some fake content (all easy). Be nice to see this move to the next step and get built

Jul 18, 2024 8:42:28 PM +13038752587

Offline for a bit

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Jul 18, 2024 8:42:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Greg, my client, is full go on this. I believe he’s going to take it all the way to the app store

Jul 18, 2024 8:42:40 PM +13038752587

Are you building it?

Jul 18, 2024 8:43:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no, I’m looping DJ in.\

Jul 18, 2024 8:43:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

already put them in touch for NDAs

Jul 18, 2024 9:22:58 PM Me

I just got a DoorDash eight minutes before I wanted to stop and it’s taking me to Vons to do shopping which I wanted to do anyway so serendipity I’ll do my shopping while I do this. Go shopping. I pick up four things for drop it off on the other side of town and then I think I’m calling it a nightout a bit before I crash I might be online. We’ll see OK.

Jul 18, 2024 9:46:30 PM Me

wow, that was a good punch. I just got done DoorDash and hit the turn in turn it off whatever I turned the corner and there’s this couple had to be like around our age generation walking holding hands, crickets in soft you know moonlight.

Jul 18, 2024 9:46:52 PM Me

it’s like rubbing my nose. In the fact I am alone. That’s what I see when I see that. I don’t see a couple holding hands. I see Bert is alone that’s fucked up.

Jul 18, 2024 9:48:25 PM Me

I mean, I want that in my life. I’ve wanted that in my life and I’ve craved it. I just wasn’t getting it from Liz for probably 10 years and it was an instant it was a slow taper, but yeah, she withdrew and then that triggered me into a depression and then I withdrew like a fucking hermit and that made her wonder what the fuck was going on with me and the more she ignored me the deeper and darker I went so you know that’s what it was, and I remember at least a dozen times standing in the shower crying while she’s laying on the bed watching shows

Jul 18, 2024 9:49:37 PM Me

but I’ve just not my head is just been an awful place for awfully long time so I wanna be positive and I wanna feel good and I know you’re beating the drum and believe me I want to do that, but I gotta feel my feels and not deny it because that’s what I’ve done my whole life I deny myself my own emotions and just push them down because I think whatever is no big deal. But you do that over 50 years and sudden you got a fucking landfill of no big deal.

Jul 18, 2024 10:20:43 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 8 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Good insights and reflections

Jul 18, 2024 10:20:43 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 18, 2024 10:21:06 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 8 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep

Jul 19, 2024 9:07:48 AM Me

Just awake. Overslept

Jul 19, 2024 9:07:51 AM Me

Feel exhausted

Jul 19, 2024 9:08:15 AM Me

My phone has no Internet. Just text and talk.

Jul 19, 2024 9:08:26 AM Me

Can't door dash 😔

Jul 19, 2024 9:12:53 AM +13038752587

Why no Internet

Jul 19, 2024 9:14:20 AM +13038752587

Pay the bill

Jul 19, 2024 9:14:34 AM Me

Short $110

Jul 19, 2024 9:14:51 AM Me

I have 90, its 200

Jul 19, 2024 9:15:03 AM +13038752587

Why 200

Jul 19, 2024 9:15:15 AM +13038752587

I thought you just reduced it

Jul 19, 2024 9:15:57 AM +13038752587

What amount is past due?

Jul 19, 2024 9:16:23 AM +13038752587

Strange they would only stop internet?

Jul 19, 2024 9:17:41 AM Me

I'm overdue on bill. They're going to shut it off

Jul 19, 2024 9:17:41 AM Me

No idea.

Jul 19, 2024 9:17:41 AM Me

200 past due

Jul 19, 2024 9:17:41 AM Me

Hard to text u it’s like it’s going through a cocktail straw

Jul 19, 2024 9:18:02 AM +13038752587

Throttled down

Jul 19, 2024 9:18:02 AM Me

Takes 2 mins for it to send

Jul 19, 2024 9:18:18 AM Me

No internet

Jul 19, 2024 9:18:28 AM Me

Can't connect with anything

Jul 19, 2024 9:18:50 AM Me

Fucked, I am

Jul 19, 2024 9:19:13 AM +13038752587

I thought Russell helped you out / did you only ask for help with insurance

Jul 19, 2024 9:19:27 AM ⇲ Me

Insurance

Jul 19, 2024 9:19:18 AM Me

It never fucking ends…

Jul 19, 2024 9:19:27 AM ⇱ Me

Insurance
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 19, 2024 9:19:44 AM Me

Can't do this

Jul 19, 2024 9:20:02 AM +13038752587

Ok. What can you do to get internet

Jul 19, 2024 9:20:11 AM Me

Starbucks

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Jul 19, 2024 9:20:20 AM Me

Laptop

Jul 19, 2024 9:20:31 AM +13038752587

And phone

Jul 19, 2024 9:20:43 AM Me

Have to pay bill

Jul 19, 2024 9:21:00 AM Me

Cell phones are a scam

Jul 19, 2024 9:21:13 AM +13038752587

No - phone service won’t work but phone should still connect to internet

Jul 19, 2024 9:21:33 AM Me

I ONLY text, call once every 6 months.

Jul 19, 2024 9:21:43 AM Me

I’m basically paying for a text machine that can access the Internet

Jul 19, 2024 9:22:03 AM +13038752587

So you need 110 to get working

Jul 19, 2024 9:22:14 AM Me

Anyhow, I don’t know what the fuck is gonna happen to me.

Jul 19, 2024 9:22:21 AM Me

I don't feel well

Jul 19, 2024 9:22:54 AM +13038752587

When do you start house sitting

Jul 19, 2024 9:23:09 AM Me

Saturday

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Jul 19, 2024 9:23:58 AM Me

Like not cold sick, deeply sick inside. It's like I can feel something in me that's not right but can't pinpoint it

Jul 19, 2024 9:24:39 AM Me

I'm done trying

Jul 19, 2024 9:25:06 AM Me

just going to be, and let the world fall apart

Jul 19, 2024 9:25:19 AM Me

My world fall apart

Jul 19, 2024 9:25:44 AM Me

Ready to stop

Jul 19, 2024 9:26:07 AM +13038752587

It’s already has - that’s why you are were you are. Straight talk

Jul 19, 2024 9:26:49 AM Me

I don't live, I exist I don't dream I don't make memories anymore and don't remember huge sections of my life

Jul 19, 2024 9:27:47 AM Me

I lived my entire life in a place of fear I know of nothing else no other existence No other perspective or perception No other way of being

Jul 19, 2024 9:28:40 AM +13038752587

You have to stop the woe is me shit And get on with things Starting on Saturday you have some space to breathe I suggest you take a day of rest on Sunday

Jul 19, 2024 9:28:42 AM Me

try as I might, with as much desire and want that any person can muster, this seems to be something either unattainable or some reason the universe isn’t allowing things to happen

Jul 19, 2024 9:29:12 AM +13038752587

Stop putting the power outside of yourself

Jul 19, 2024 9:30:05 AM ⇲ Me

perfect example of something I can’t stop. I can’t stop it because I don’t even realize that. I don’t see that.

Jul 19, 2024 9:29:16 AM Me

The only thing I have left to do is to give up and check out because I’m really done pushing this fucking rock up the hill

Jul 19, 2024 9:29:51 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Understandable - so stop pushing it up hill - push it down hill

Jul 19, 2024 9:30:05 AM ⇱ Me

perfect example of something I can’t stop. I can’t stop it because I don’t even realize that. I don’t see that.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 19, 2024 9:30:17 AM Me

There is zero awareness or presence to that at all

Jul 19, 2024 9:30:38 AM Me

and when things are in the realm of things, I don’t know that I don’t know. It’s really fucking hard.

Jul 19, 2024 9:30:52 AM +13038752587

Yesterday - things shifted a bit with you and that affected the income you made

Jul 19, 2024 9:31:35 AM Me

it’s a good try on the spin. I’ll give you credit for that. What transpired is what I had known and predicted and that was I was not going to make that money, DoorDash and no matter what.

Jul 19, 2024 9:32:54 AM +13038752587

You made almost 3x what you though you would - you didn’t hit the goal partially because you “knew” you wouldn’t

Jul 19, 2024 9:33:12 AM +13038752587

What do you have the you can pawn for 200$

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Jul 19, 2024 9:33:22 AM +13038752587

Get resourceful

Jul 19, 2024 9:34:50 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

And also the insurance got paid, part of your creation too

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Jul 19, 2024 9:35:38 AM +13038752587

Is. Your phone attached to T-Mobile or unlocked?

Jul 19, 2024 9:38:00 AM ⇲ Me

I think it’s unlocked

Jul 19, 2024 9:37:21 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Get cleaned up

Jul 19, 2024 9:37:33 AM Me

it's fucked they say we've turned off your ability to call and access the Internet but here is a link for you to click and go pay your bill. I click the link and I can't access the Internet on my phone. Nice fucking job T-Mobile really thought out.

Jul 19, 2024 9:37:36 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I need to take care of a few things here

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Jul 19, 2024 9:37:59 AM Me

Trying to text u an image of a T-Mobile text saying that my monthly service has been suspended. I won’t be able to make calls send messages or access data until I pay my past due balance and a $20 per line restoration fee.

Jul 19, 2024 9:37:59 AM Me

I need to finish taking my medicine and cleaning my face so I can walk into Starbucks and use the Wi-Fi

Jul 19, 2024 9:38:00 AM ⇱ Me

I think it’s unlocked
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 19, 2024 9:38:16 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll text you in about 30m

Jul 19, 2024 9:38:28 AM Me

A company worth so much fucking money and make you pay thousands and thousands of dollars a year for fucking vaporware

Jul 19, 2024 9:38:41 AM Me

and they can’t get their shit, right

Jul 19, 2024 10:59:37 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 19, 2024 10:59:51 AM Me

came across my radar for some reason and thought i’d share

Jul 19, 2024 11:48:20 AM Me

Jul 19, 2024 11:51:46 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

My phone is solved, for now. Had to pay 89 immediately and agreed to pay it over next 2 weeks.

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Jul 19, 2024 11:51:58 AM Me

that, I believe is the over due monthly

Jul 19, 2024 11:52:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I should look at Ryan Reynolds, MINT mobile

Jul 19, 2024 11:54:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, 11am Friday and finally have the stress set aside — not gone mind you — just off my lap and set next to me. Stress is like a 900lb french bulldog that likes to sit in my lap. Lots of pressure.

Jul 19, 2024 11:54:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So now frenchie is sitting next to me, not on my nuts

Jul 19, 2024 11:55:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Deep Thoughts…. by Jack Handy… I hope that I end up with a mansion and a yacht like Elmer J Fudd. That way I can look back on these times and laugh. Yeah, that’s it.

Jul 19, 2024 11:57:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI — working on getting kinks out of bertmahoney.com on hostinger. Data is transferred but font settings, etc got borked. Having to go thru and “re-save” setting to get it back where it was. DNS change is already submitted to point to hostinger.

Jul 19, 2024 11:57:49 AM Me

Praying that no one went looking at my website while it was offline.

Jul 19, 2024 2:22:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

—

Jul 19, 2024 2:22:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

serious question, and you may need to think about this.

Jul 19, 2024 2:29:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If nothing works out, meaning I’m not in the process of interviewing, or engaged in finding a company gig, After my house sit in August for the same people I’m watching for this next week, and Darragh is up north…. I was thinking of driving your way, meaning Colorado. Declan and Aidan are still here. I’m close with Declan, but Aidan has issues with me. He’s woven into his mother which makes sense, but in that connection there is a shared disdain for me. Though I have no evidence, I know this to be true in a very deep way, inexplicable but I know its true. Anyhow I digress… unsure if my idea opens a mental can of worms for you or????

Jul 19, 2024 3:02:59 PM Me

Just a heads up that I am on the move. Headed to Sherry’s so I can shower before I drive to Ventura and meet the dog and the people OK talk soon.

Jul 19, 2024 4:12:54 PM Me

hey there, wondering if you’re among the living

Jul 19, 2024 4:13:46 PM Me

I just got done hanging out at Sherry’s house talking with her about Elizabeth Joanna and that whole side of the story in front that they’ve got going on. Although not explicitly said Sherry suspects that Liz is nervous about filing because she’s going to have to give up stuff

Jul 19, 2024 4:16:15 PM Me

so the reason I was told she wasn’t filing, so you have health insurance, which I don’t now, and she still has not filed kind of proves that to be a lie for her, not filing. I would like to submit that in my paperwork to the judge because legitimately I was waiting for her to file because she wanted the divorce. I’m also explicitly going to lay out the psychological and emotional damage I suffered from a combination of being homeless living in my car being unemployed and being rejected over 800 times by companies and I can submit my Excel spreadsheet as proof of the places I have applied, also I will submit that I paid for her cell phone. I paid for the car insurance and the Netflix subscription while I was homeless and I used my retirement assets to help pay for that which now I am completely pennyless. This is so important to get right and layout properly to judge so that they completely understand what the fuck is going on and they have some really good questions for Elizabeth like did you do nothing? Well you saw him and knowingly be homeless did you offer help in anyway. I would like that question to be asked by the judge and I would love to see and hear her response.

Jul 19, 2024 4:46:44 PM Me

I’m down in Ventura now. Meeting is at 4:30. i’m less than a mile from the location. On my drive down here while my mind was quite fresh in dredging up everything about Elizabeth and this divorce business. I put on my digital cassette tape recorder and just said everything that came to mind about my situation and the things that have transpired , and what things have come out of those things and then caused other things to transpire. Goal here is to produce a piece of writing that succinctly clearly accurately sums up the context of this situation. This goal is very important to me because it is unquestionably the thing that has to be understood by someone else to fully grasp the situation.

Jul 19, 2024 4:48:14 PM Me

I do have a question for you and that is this. By doing this and writing this am I making too big a deal of myself.? What I’m fearful of is arrogance or the whiff of entitlement. I want to avoid the sentiment of entitlement and the, vibe of whininess or poor me! please let me know what you think before before. I take the recording and start investing time in text edits.

Jul 19, 2024 4:48:47 PM Me

like I said, I am pretty close on having this done. I really just need to write this out and pull together all the supporting receipts.

Jul 19, 2024 4:49:30 PM Me

my goal is to have this submitted in total while I am in Ventura this week. It is a perfect time for me to be able to get into the self-help center that has limited access.

Jul 19, 2024 5:08:00 PM Me

Another Goal Have everything drafted for submission by Sunday AM I am going to share my document and write up with you so I can get your perspective and feedback. Since you probably know more than most. I’m also curious if you think sharing it with my brother and or father for feedback would be wise? another thought would it be wise to share with my cousin George LaMarche who is actually an attorney in New York State. He’s not family law, but he might be able to see something obvious I’m overlooking would love your thoughts.

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Jul 19, 2024 5:13:28 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

On the road- I’ll read when I get stationary

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Jul 19, 2024 5:15:01 PM (Read by you after 38 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 19, 2024 5:17:05 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

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Jul 19, 2024 5:18:26 PM Me

Have house dog Sit meeting now

Jul 19, 2024 6:30:32 PM Me

I met with Michael the owner. His wife was already gone on her business trip, Elie the dog is super cute and totally a lover. It’s going to be a very chill week at the beach for me. We are one block from the sand so I get to go, walking on the beach every morning. They take off tomorrow around 6 PM so that’s fine. I have a busy day of paperwork and writing and then want to get my paperwork as far along as I can.

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Jul 19, 2024 7:13:44 PM Me

Spotify

Jul 19, 2024 7:19:06 PM Me

Word Replace shyness with Fear I've lived that.

Jul 19, 2024 7:21:12 PM Me

Jul 19, 2024 7:23:50 PM Me

Just realizing how fucking weird Morris’s lyrics are

Jul 19, 2024 8:37:30 PM Me

I miss George

Jul 19, 2024 8:37:33 PM Me

Spotify

Jul 19, 2024 11:55:00 PM Me

Jul 20, 2024 12:01:10 AM Me

https://plus.kikoff.com/facebook?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=paid_social&utm_campaign=FB_Video_LP_IHC106&utm_content=FB_Video_IHC10_V2&utm_adid=120209924957510338&utm_id=120209924881460338&utm_term=120209924957500338

Jul 20, 2024 8:57:54 AM Me

DavidJi Live from LA at 8am PST He's great!!

Jul 20, 2024 8:57:58 AM Me

Spotify

Jul 20, 2024 8:58:15 AM Me

https://insig.ht/e/XDy2vSz8nLb

Jul 20, 2024 9:05:47 AM Me

“I believe in dogs, not dogma” Genius.

Jul 20, 2024 9:06:11 AM Me

He could be cast as Gandalf yesterday

Jul 20, 2024 9:09:38 AM Me

Giving a full moon talk Happens in 18 hours

Jul 20, 2024 9:21:07 AM Me

I've spent enough time inside my mind to know that we utilize so little of our minds, and we’re dopamine addicted, everyone has their thing that gives them a vibe or buzz. Everyone

Jul 20, 2024 9:21:21 AM Me

We'd rather chase dopamine and distract ourselves than get deep.

Jul 20, 2024 9:27:36 AM Me

Too much fear in the world.

Jul 20, 2024 10:32:19 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

you around?

Jul 20, 2024 10:32:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

offkline?

Jul 20, 2024 10:36:12 AM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

I just wrote 2000 letter beginning of an open letter to Elizabeth laying out lots of shit. Its gets real and I confront her with things. I did all the audio recordings of my recollections yesterday. Taking those to put together a narrative at a high level of what transpired to destroy a 20year marriage and 30 year relationship. Additionally I spent time talking to AI while walking on the beach presenting it hypotheticals that match my situation and asked it to respond as a california family lawyer. I have a good plan on how to state my sitation and case. I went as far to ask about any counter arguments to what I’m asking for, what I can anticipate and provided me responses to anticipate those.

Jul 20, 2024 10:38:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I spent time talking to Sherry yestertday. She still hangs out with Liz and Joanna sometimes, but says shes not as close since this happened. She shared with me that Liz has a story she’s told about what happened and of course Joanna, etc. take her at her word without hearing my side. Sherry sat and heard my version of events, and having heard both stories says there is alot of distance between them.

Jul 20, 2024 10:39:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I kept quiet about my mental health issues with Elizabeth. I felt it wasnt her problem and I didnt want to distract her training. She already had alot on her plate. I was operating from a place where I thought I was being a good supporting husband, but was sewing the seeds of my ruination.

Jul 20, 2024 10:39:57 AM (Read by them after 40 seconds) Me

so fucking sad

Jul 20, 2024 10:40:06 AM (Read by them after 31 seconds) Me

because this was all avoidable

Jul 20, 2024 10:40:16 AM (Read by them after 22 seconds) Me

and shes unwilling to open up and heal with me

Jul 20, 2024 10:40:35 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

this is undoubtedly HER LOSS

Jul 20, 2024 10:43:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m feeling that in the end, I may come out of this in a better situation than I had at Thacher with her. Not that I’m wanting revenge or get the upper hand, no, I feel deeeeep sadness and grief for losing hold of myself inside my life and losing it all. I have to live with that the rest of my life. I HAVE accepted this fact and that it will not go away. I’ve learned to reflect and learn from it and move the fuck onward.

Jul 20, 2024 10:43:08 AM Me

Thats what I’m working on today.

Jul 20, 2024 10:44:11 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I’m working to reestablish my identity as Bert, not husband, father, or coach. I lost him along the way.

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Jul 20, 2024 10:45:26 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

I refuse to accept or be labeled anything less than an excellent husband and father. I know in my soul that who I was for my boys and her. I showed up for them all, all the time. And sadly lost me.

Jul 20, 2024 10:45:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

in the process

Jul 20, 2024 10:46:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Unsure i’ve ever been as clear about all this as I am today.

Jul 20, 2024 10:47:04 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

In Steamboat- Bosley gathering for the weekend

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Jul 20, 2024 10:47:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont feel heaviness when thinking about any of it, at all any more.

Jul 20, 2024 10:47:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

let me know when you’ve had a moment to read and digest the littany of what I’ve sent this morining.

Jul 20, 2024 10:48:48 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

up for a few hours and alot has already transpired today

Jul 20, 2024 10:48:59 AM Me

shits moving on a quantum level

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Jul 20, 2024 10:51:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ironic that she always told me I was good husband and father and that I was awesome because I put up with her weirdness and shit. (she wrote that out on more than one valentine card). I never believed her.

Jul 20, 2024 10:53:03 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

no self belief, no self identity on top of an anxious cptsd mind that had not fully dealt with and healed its early trauma, and was traumatized again from rejection by my wife.

Jul 20, 2024 10:53:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not for weeks, not for months, FOR YEARS.

Jul 20, 2024 10:56:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She cannot with a sound mind go to court and say that she did not reject me. She’d be lying and I’d shout at her in court “LIAR” and dont give a shit what happens. In fact, I already had visions of being in the court room with the judge and her. She’s suddenly facing reality, the judge asking her uncomfortable personal questions, shes crying and uncomfortable. Meanwhile I look at her expressionless. No feeling other than basic humanity. Its sad she’s unhappy, but this is part of the process SHE wanted to pursue and I didnt. But here we are. There may be a moment where she regrets it, not sure, but would love to know.

Jul 20, 2024 10:57:24 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

ok, be at the beach tonight. going to get some work done now.

Jul 20, 2024 12:16:27 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

I did a manifestation meditation this morning. Was really powerful. I shifted my vibration higher. Sounds woowoo but I can feel it. You focus inside yourself long enough you;ll be amazed at your experience.

Jul 20, 2024 12:16:49 PM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

what you can pick up on.

Jul 20, 2024 12:16:59 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

your internal radar powers go exponential

Jul 20, 2024 12:18:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I focused on being with someone I know wants to be with me, like Jenica. I focused on having a way to make a living that felt effortless. I focused on living by the beach. felt pretty good.

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Jul 20, 2024 12:18:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to meditate the fuck out of this while I’m down at the beach, and she’s less than a mile away at her house. Going to attempt to project my consciousness 😊

Jul 20, 2024 12:21:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I heard from someone that when you focus on someone with intense love and are working to manifest being with them, they will suddenly think about you. You’ll “pop” into their head somehow. But they for sure think about you because you’ve put a ripple out into spacetime and its vibration is high enough that its a transmission of sorts, if they’re even slightly ‘awake’ and self aware they will totally find you dropping into their mind. I thought that quite a cool concept.

Jul 20, 2024 12:22:02 PM Me

I’ll manifest it.

Jul 20, 2024 12:23:43 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

And when I ultimately do see her, because I know I will at some point. I know we’ve met for more than just that brief time. The connection with her initially was mutual and SO intense. I honestly never had that reciprocal expereince at that deep a level or intensity EVER with Liz. She wouldnt open up that much vulnerability.

Jul 20, 2024 12:24:10 PM Me

I’ll ask, have I been showing up in your thoughts? 😊

Jul 20, 2024 12:24:26 PM Me

of course when moment is right. not in a creepy way

Jul 20, 2024 3:41:20 PM Me

I'm still in Ojai at Starbucks. Have worked on app project all day making changes then recording video walkthrough Uploading now. Then switching to gather information for divorce paper work

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Jul 20, 2024 6:07:09 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

Just done with therapy session with Laurie. Was really really good to tell her all that’s gone on. Too much for one hour, but she’s caught up on the big picture

Jul 20, 2024 6:08:08 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

She’s writing up documentation regarding my diagnosis and treatment. Along with dates I had sessions with just her alone, and with Elizabeth (3 of us). Shows the court I made a good faith effort to heal my marriage before getting to this point.

Jul 20, 2024 6:08:31 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This will be helpful documentation, as my claims are she contributed and triggered my state of mind.

Jul 20, 2024 6:09:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it became a feedback loop of her ghosting, me diving deeper, then more ghosting, then deeper. You know. I’m pretty sure 😊.

Jul 20, 2024 7:40:08 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

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Jul 20, 2024 8:15:05 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Tight

Jul 20, 2024 8:28:32 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 20, 2024 8:36:44 PM Me

Got sarahs seaweed dance

Jul 20, 2024 8:37:31 PM Me

Jul 20, 2024 9:32:10 PM Me

Excited to buy things at the market I can put in a refrigerator and cook another time, or just having appliances to cook period

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Jul 20, 2024 9:58:55 PM Me

Hot gluten free pizza 🍕 OMFG

Jul 20, 2024 9:59:16 PM Me

My gratitude meter is going to break this week 🤣

Jul 20, 2024 10:00:46 PM Me

This is inspiration being here. I want this. And being here I can be feel and act as though I have it because I do. That’s incredibly powerful for manifestation. The feeling of already having arrived is an incredible magnet.

Jul 21, 2024 1:04:06 AM Me

YouTube

Jul 21, 2024 11:34:00 AM Me

🤣🤣🤣

Jul 21, 2024 11:34:28 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Exactly

Jul 21, 2024 11:40:12 AM Me

I knew you'd love that

Jul 21, 2024 11:40:39 AM Me

It's what you preach. I actually think of it as your credo

Jul 21, 2024 11:46:17 AM Me

Slept until 9am Haven't slept that late in a very long time. In fact I'm still feeling bone tired. But I don't have to move or have that nagging open ended day, where will I sleep tonight?

Jul 21, 2024 11:46:57 AM Me

Not having that persistently on my mind makes me cry

Jul 21, 2024 11:47:11 AM Me

So fucking grateful

Jul 21, 2024 11:48:39 AM Me

When you have tried your damdest to olay by life's rules and get fucked over hard, anything that relieves any burden mental or physical feels like a miracle

Jul 21, 2024 11:50:27 AM Me

Spotify

Jul 21, 2024 11:50:41 AM Me

Ev er y day

Jul 21, 2024 12:48:17 PM Me

What's ur day?

Jul 21, 2024 1:48:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey, this was really good. he uses a great sports analogy with Dallas Cowboys. And he highlights some other really important considerations that are getting blown over and says you’ve got to speak up and be vocal for yourself. Definitely worth a listen. Just him talking at the camera. No charts or data. So its a listening one. But I’m subscribing to his channel and going to check out his vids. He’s GenX and has 3k subscribers, but damn he knows his shit and drops the truth.

Jul 21, 2024 1:48:22 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 21, 2024 4:37:11 PM Me

One reply. U r busy

Jul 21, 2024 4:57:49 PM (Read by you after 56 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Driving back to Glenwood

Jul 22, 2024 10:05:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey

Jul 22, 2024 10:05:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you around today?

Jul 22, 2024 10:43:51 AM Me

interesting

Jul 22, 2024 10:43:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.signs.com/branded-in-memory/

Jul 22, 2024 10:53:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also, feeling discouraged about job search. honestly feel like giving up, but then WTF?

Jul 22, 2024 10:53:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know we’re working on GroupX but not sure how long that will take to get off the ground

Jul 22, 2024 11:55:25 AM Me

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Jul 22, 2024 4:41:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Interesting- I feel more the opposite. Things on surface appear to be falling apart and under the surface is coming together in a powerful way.

Jul 22, 2024 4:45:02 PM ⇲ Me

Could have it right but flipped

Any truth to that?

Jul 22, 2024 3:34:20 PM Me

U must have hotel tonight

Jul 22, 2024 4:41:59 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Last night, tonight and tomorrow

Jul 22, 2024 4:41:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Interesting- I feel more the opposite. Things on surface appear to be falling apart and under the surface is coming together in a powerful way.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 22, 2024 4:41:59 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Last night, tonight and tomorrow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 22, 2024 4:45:02 PM ⇱ Me

Could have it right but flipped
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 22, 2024 4:46:21 PM Me

Slept alot again last night Still feel deeply tired. But it's as if my entire physical being was/is constricted, not just my jaw.

Jul 22, 2024 4:46:49 PM Me

Meditating and napping too

Jul 22, 2024 4:48:53 PM Me

I need months of this. And the YT frequency channel to play harmonic frequencies. Ooo going to do sound bath tonight. Nice speakers here at house - sonos everywhere

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Jul 22, 2024 4:50:12 PM Me

Realizing how much I’ve been missing out on life all this time White knuckled living prevents joy from showing up

Jul 22, 2024 4:51:07 PM Me

Doing TMJ frequency now Ahhhhhh

Jul 22, 2024 4:51:26 PM Me

While working on wireframe

Jul 22, 2024 4:51:46 PM Me

Almost there. Update in about an hour

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Jul 22, 2024 4:52:26 PM Me

got to say Figma is pretty cool, but the Younghans don’t understand that it will go away

Jul 22, 2024 4:52:44 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

While you are stationary - see if you can line up a few more pet sitting gigs. Link them together so you go from one to the next ideally 😀

Jul 22, 2024 4:52:59 PM Me

There are a lot of sigma boys out there that focus solely on that application and mastering every single option available

Jul 22, 2024 4:53:14 PM Me

Reminds me of flash developers. Poor fellas.

Jul 22, 2024 4:53:35 PM Me

Me and the older guys on LinkedIn keep telling him quit spending your time, mastering the software and focus on the craft of design

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Jul 22, 2024 4:53:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

As long as they are prepared to master what’s next and understanding the tech is evolving rapidly

Jul 22, 2024 4:54:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I like your statement master the core skill and use tools as they come and go

Jul 22, 2024 4:55:01 PM Me

That’s just it they don’t. They were born into this. And they have little sense of using multiple tools over a long period of time and because of the advances in technology things come and go. They don’t have that nor can they have that experience. Multiple times I’ve talked about Adobe Pagemill and go live cyber studio and net objects fusion.

Jul 22, 2024 4:55:48 PM Me

They don’t hear us they fall on deaf years. Even though sigma is has AI in it it still going to die like every other thing. Some application application that hasn’t even been invented yet. It’s gonna take it down. That’s my look into the crystal ball.

Jul 22, 2024 4:56:41 PM Me

I should do one to three minute rants on YouTube about all the friggin nonsense. I see young Design people talk about. I could attract quite the following. I will be like where I was born in bread a sarcastic New Yorker, who doesn’t hold back like we’re in an art critique and I don’t care about your feelings.

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Jul 22, 2024 4:57:17 PM Me

Crit w/ Bert

Jul 22, 2024 4:58:15 PM Me

It’s definitely a certain kind of humor and some people either won’t get it or will hate it, but there is a crowd. I know that will not only totally get it but likely howl away

Jul 22, 2024 8:34:59 PM Me

I find myself at this very moment. Extremely sad this was provoked by shopping target. Whenever I’m in a store it’s immediately apparent to me that I just I can’t buy whatever I want. It’s not like I got 100 bucks sitting in my wallet that I can just burn easy Peezy

Jul 22, 2024 11:27:25 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 30 minutes, 12 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Feel you here

Jul 22, 2024 8:38:30 PM Me

I’m also feeling lonely

Jul 22, 2024 8:39:25 PM Me

That one’s a weird one for me because it’s like a double edge sword I don’t want to be codependent, but they’re still that want for that desire so you know having that like having the knee or the desire I mean I think it’s legitimate with me. I’ve been alone a long time anyway, everything fucked up

Jul 22, 2024 9:50:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 22, 2024 11:27:25 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 30 minutes, 12 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Feel you here
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 23, 2024 8:00:52 AM Me

Hey GM

Jul 23, 2024 8:44:48 AM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

GM

Jul 23, 2024 8:45:05 AM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Prototype look good

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Jul 23, 2024 9:42:32 AM Me

Thanks.

Jul 23, 2024 9:43:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its incredible how tired I am still. Body feels slow and hurts to walk still from muscle pulled in groin area (yay) I can’t have just mind shit going on I need my body to fall apart too 😊

Jul 23, 2024 4:27:56 PM Me

hey.

Jul 23, 2024 4:28:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

made $50 at lunch today which was great. I need $45 in there for my phone on Friday. Today took stress off.

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Jul 23, 2024 4:30:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been looking into CPTSD more. Specifically disregulation of the nervous system. If you’re nervous system is in anxiety/panic mode for a long, long time you can get massively disregulated. Meaning my nervous system baseline, was another kids anxious nervous system. Make sense?

Jul 23, 2024 4:32:01 PM Me

Also, I have an extremely high correlation to mild autism based on symptoms and patterns that show up in undiagnosed adults. Some, like me, create their own systems inside themselves to work the worlds reality, while our minds are busy either despising themselves of freaking out about something. Total madness.

Jul 23, 2024 5:31:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

My sense of time. How much has passed when I go beyond 24 hours is VERY strange. And I came across a set of files I downloaded 8 days ago to print. I downloaded them today, went to get them, and see the others from 8 days ago. That was days before nearly losing my insurance.

Jul 23, 2024 5:31:28 PM Me

fuck

Jul 23, 2024 5:31:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Right now I probably would qualify for mental disability

Jul 23, 2024 7:31:11 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 2 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Have you talked with California services about aid - you should at least be on SNAP

Jul 23, 2024 9:35:56 PM ⇲ Me

I’ve tried getting on all the things I’m qualified for, but I don’t have a mailing address. And when I use campus, I’m only up there every once in a while so whenever I do get paperwork, it’s always too late or past deadlines and I’ve tried multiple times it’s if you don’t have an address it’s a fucking nightmare.

Jul 23, 2024 7:34:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 59 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Send me divorce docs before submitting if you want me to look them over

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Jul 23, 2024 9:35:56 PM ⇱ Me

I’ve tried getting on all the things I’m qualified for, but I don’t have a mailing address. And when I use campus, I’m only up there every once in a while so whenever I do get paperwork, it’s always too late or past deadlines and I’ve tried multiple times it’s if you don’t have an address it’s a fucking nightmare.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 23, 2024 9:48:33 PM Me

I should have the divorce docs totally dialed in tomorrow. I just got back from playing darts with the dart league and had fun but when I got back or on the way back, I got incredibly sad and started crying spontaneously. When that happens, I know that depression is pushing me hard, spontaneous crying is really strange. It happens OK I’m gonna chill the rest of the night. I spent my day working on divorce paperwork so it was productive although I don’t wanna get divorced because it’s a pain in the ass

Jul 23, 2024 10:00:40 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://openai.com/chatgpt/mac/

Jul 23, 2024 10:00:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

install it on the desktop

Jul 24, 2024 8:39:10 AM (Read by you after 37 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

I won’t be able to be on call today. I check in with you this afternoon

Jul 24, 2024 9:22:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey

Jul 24, 2024 9:22:56 AM Me

you going to be in meeting

Jul 24, 2024 10:45:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my website has been down all week. DNS will not resolve

Jul 24, 2024 10:46:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

in the middle of an interview process and having my website down sucks

Jul 24, 2024 10:46:28 AM Me

been on chat and “have to wait” for propagation. Been over 128 hours

Jul 24, 2024 10:46:34 AM Me

5 days

Jul 24, 2024 11:04:46 AM Me

Feeling very unworthy Like I’m being bold or misbehaving I think it’s stems from my inability to get my feet on the ground

Jul 24, 2024 11:07:20 AM Me

Like I don’t belong

Jul 24, 2024 12:09:37 PM Me

interesting that today feels out of my control, as if my own ablity to make decisions and get shit done is on vacation. Not sure what’s going on but I’ll suggest that my brain has been wired so hard for the homeless thing and this is a release of some kind because I’ve been indoors for 4 days

Jul 24, 2024 12:10:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

reached out to my last psych nurse to see if she can help me out with refills. I have 5 days left on depression meds then cold turkey. I’ve taken action and have to wait now.

Jul 24, 2024 12:11:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, DNS for bertmahoney.com is still not resolved since last Friday. My domain is at Squarespace and I’m pointing to hostingers servers but somethings messed up.

Jul 24, 2024 1:13:48 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll look at it from my end this evening

Jul 24, 2024 2:43:57 PM Me

I got bad news.

Jul 24, 2024 2:48:59 PM Me

Final forms. The company based in Boulder that I interviewed with. I was told other candidates whose background and experience line up blah blah. They serve schools. Something I’m intimately familiar with both public and private schools from k- college. I worked for a school, I know how they work. I know the users really well. I know them personally. My previous employer was an education technology company. I coached kids as young as seven up to the age of 18 and still coach. I have all the design and technical skill you could want from an employee

Jul 24, 2024 2:49:58 PM Me

This rejection hits hard because they’re small company making a difference. Would have had a lot of influence over design.

Jul 24, 2024 2:50:14 PM +13038752587

Bummer.

Jul 24, 2024 2:50:14 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 24, 2024 2:50:17 PM Me

It’s the hardest rejection to date

Jul 24, 2024 2:51:27 PM Me

Ageism. What else would stop me from going to next interview?

Jul 24, 2024 2:51:40 PM Me

I want to call it out

Jul 24, 2024 2:51:50 PM Me

Fucking sick of it

Jul 24, 2024 2:52:17 PM Me

I should rip capitalism a new asshole on LinkedIn

Jul 24, 2024 2:55:22 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

This is ingrained bias. Not capitalism

Jul 24, 2024 2:52:47 PM Me

Just don’t care anymore at month 15

Jul 24, 2024 2:54:16 PM Me

Anyhow I’m headed back to the house to work on divorce papers. I saw their email today and thought I was still in it

Jul 24, 2024 2:54:39 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Three options Give it another go. Write them a letter on why you are the best candidate Seek out employment lawyer and see if you have a case - ageism is illegal Let it go.

Jul 24, 2024 2:55:10 PM Me

I got excited before I read it in detail And then bomb goes off

Jul 24, 2024 2:55:22 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

This is ingrained bias. Not capitalism
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 24, 2024 2:55:49 PM Me

Ageism is a byproduct of capitalism and culture

Jul 24, 2024 2:56:17 PM Me

Unquantifiable bias

Jul 24, 2024 2:56:19 PM +13038752587

A thought - the video you sent me from LI - is that public?

Jul 24, 2024 2:56:38 PM ⇲ Me

The guy riffing

Jul 24, 2024 2:56:38 PM ⇱ Me

The guy riffing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 24, 2024 2:56:56 PM +13038752587

You driving around -

Jul 24, 2024 2:57:13 PM Me

I’m sitting by the beach sulking for a bit before I go back and do paperwork

Jul 24, 2024 2:57:16 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The one you made

Jul 24, 2024 2:57:52 PM ⇲ Me

The video I made that’s on LinkedIn? I didn’t put a video on LinkedIn.

Jul 24, 2024 2:57:28 PM Me

I’m just really bummed and I was already not having a good day to begin with

Jul 24, 2024 2:57:52 PM ⇱ Me

The video I made that’s on LinkedIn? I didn’t put a video on LinkedIn.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 24, 2024 2:58:12 PM +13038752587

YouTube?

Jul 24, 2024 2:58:50 PM Me

Every day I’ve been here down at the beach in the evening. I’ve had the goal of working on my art and I haven’t done it once.

Jul 24, 2024 2:59:03 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Make it happen

Jul 24, 2024 2:59:06 PM Me

I’m always too fucking exhausted after about 6 o’clock

Jul 24, 2024 2:59:20 PM Me

The amount of fucking gear spinning my brain does all day burns me the fuck out

Jul 24, 2024 2:59:30 PM +13038752587

Change the belief

Jul 24, 2024 2:59:40 PM +13038752587

Get up early and paint for an hour

Jul 24, 2024 3:00:25 PM ⇲ Me

I’m trying to get a lot of sleep for self-care because I don’t sleep much when I’m sleeping in the car

Jul 24, 2024 3:03:33 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Then focus on that and don’t overload schedule Wake up - dash for cash to hit $ goal for the day - work on one important priority (divorce paperwork, mental health program) - meditate

Jul 24, 2024 2:59:42 PM Me

I realize today just how fucking much I’m in the way of myself and I kinda there’s parts of it. I don’t control.

Jul 24, 2024 3:00:25 PM ⇱ Me

I’m trying to get a lot of sleep for self-care because I don’t sleep much when I’m sleeping in the car
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 24, 2024 3:00:41 PM +13038752587

What’s the plan for the rest of the week?

Jul 24, 2024 3:01:08 PM Me

Finish paperwork

Jul 24, 2024 3:01:22 PM Me

Nothing else really

Jul 24, 2024 3:03:07 PM Me

Just feeling more rejected and confirmation of things I attempt to convince myself of otherwise. This repeats. You’ve hung out with me long enough to see it. I’m not making shit up. It’s just a lot of rejection and I don’t even mention I get probably half a dozen emails a week saying thanks but no thanks it’s you get numb to it but it’s still fuck your head up.

Jul 24, 2024 3:05:52 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Stop 🛑 putting yourself in the position to be rejected. Demo your capabilities with tutorials on how to use AI in design and let folks reach out to you

Jul 24, 2024 3:06:13 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Flip the rejection paradigm

Jul 24, 2024 3:03:33 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Then focus on that and don’t overload schedule Wake up - dash for cash to hit $ goal for the day - work on one important priority (divorce paperwork, mental health program) - meditate
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 24, 2024 3:04:02 PM Me

Scatterbrained

Jul 24, 2024 3:04:08 PM Me

Every day

Jul 24, 2024 3:04:21 PM Me

Try as I might

Jul 24, 2024 3:05:10 PM Me

I can do shit. The overwhelmed for me comes in the form of taking all the shit that needs to be done and knowing how to stack them up the best way, so everything gets met.

Jul 24, 2024 3:05:52 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Stop 🛑 putting yourself in the position to be rejected. Demo your capabilities with tutorials on how to use AI in design and let folks reach out to you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 24, 2024 3:06:10 PM Me

I tried to be good. I’m only put four things on my list today. One of which is trying to get my prescriptions refilled for my depression medication. I’ve got five days of it left and I’m hoping I can get a refill. My paperwork isn’t fully in. Medi-Cal. I mailed it Two weeks ago.

Jul 24, 2024 3:06:13 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Flip the rejection paradigm
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 24, 2024 3:06:29 PM Me

I don’t flip it so much it just fucking ignore it

Jul 24, 2024 3:06:47 PM Me

When I get the emails now, it’s a big whatever

Jul 24, 2024 3:07:08 PM Me

But this one really hurt because I don’t know how to better fit what a company is asking for primarily and secondarily

Jul 24, 2024 3:08:14 PM Me

Part of me wants to write her back and ask the question you have mentioned. And there is another part of me that just wants to let it go and not even bother spending energy on it.

Jul 24, 2024 3:08:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Stop applying Start demonstrating your abilities

Jul 24, 2024 3:08:39 PM Me

A “their loss” moment

Jul 24, 2024 3:10:05 PM Me

Alright I’m going to drive to the market and buy two bottles of water and then go to the house for the rest of the day. Just feeling really down in general It’s like having a big wet blanket on your day

Jul 24, 2024 3:11:11 PM Me

It’s heavy and cold and uncomfortable. All right, I’ll be stationary again in about 30 minutes or so and at the computer probably spinning my wheels inside of email for two hours not really doing anything but pretending that I am working and doing something. I hear you. on the demonstrating your abilities, but I feel at once on that

Jul 24, 2024 3:15:48 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Stop it - two hours of email - sounds like a waste of time and energy

Jul 24, 2024 3:16:13 PM +13038752587

Why are you buying water? It’s free at the tap in the house

Jul 24, 2024 4:47:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I remembered that when in the store. I got reeses peanut butter cups

Jul 24, 2024 3:21:10 PM +13038752587

That’s two hour of art time

Jul 24, 2024 4:11:06 PM Me

OK, I’m back at the house and I just did poop patrol in the backyard and it was a big accomplishment because there was a lot of poop 💩

Jul 24, 2024 4:13:59 PM Me

I have feedback from Greg the mobile app project, my prototype I’d like to put more time in the divorce paperwork because I actually have to write out statements of fact regarding retirement accounts and side businesses of hers. I’d like to do some art I have to check the DNS on my website make sure it’s functioning properly and also install the SSL certificate. I’d like to send an email update to people I interviewed about my job search progress. I emailed them once but it’s been more than a month and I owe them that. And I have group X research I would like to do.

Jul 24, 2024 4:14:14 PM Me

Those are the items I would pick from to work on

Jul 24, 2024 4:14:31 PM Me

And because it’s me because it’s personal my stuff I can’t see the Eisenhower matrix

Jul 24, 2024 4:14:56 PM Me

Mainly because I’m so fucking tired and stressed out I just wanna do shit, but somebody say here this is the order you should tackle this bullshit

Jul 24, 2024 4:34:09 PM Me

btw:

Jul 24, 2024 4:34:12 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Meta AI

Jul 24, 2024 4:47:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I remembered that when in the store. I got reeses peanut butter cups
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 24, 2024 5:22:05 PM Me

gave ai my tasks. it sorted 😊

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Sent with Normal effect

Jul 24, 2024 5:22:15 PM Me

sorry to bug you

Jul 24, 2024 5:25:11 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Have no idea how that sticker got there- so ignore it

Jul 24, 2024 5:25:17 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Fat fingers

Jul 24, 2024 5:25:38 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

At bday party with girls

Jul 24, 2024 5:25:59 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Ttyl

Jul 24, 2024 5:29:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Jul 24, 2024 5:29:34 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

have fun 😊

Jul 24, 2024 5:29:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I remember those times

Jul 24, 2024 11:02:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

another mentally exhausting day

Jul 24, 2024 11:04:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll send you PDF of my divorce paperwork in the morning. I have to face it and get the final writing and money bits in place. I’ll send you what is done so far, and then the other when they are done sometime in the morning.

Jul 25, 2024 10:35:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey

Jul 25, 2024 10:35:04 AM Me

how r u?

Jul 25, 2024 10:35:07 AM Me

u ok?

Jul 25, 2024 10:38:35 AM Me

hope ur good

Jul 25, 2024 11:23:39 AM Me

Jul 25, 2024 12:29:31 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Good day

Jul 25, 2024 12:29:43 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Hanging with the girls

Jul 25, 2024 12:35:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, cool. 👍 Just done with my JSC meeting. Going to go DoorDash until 1pm see if I can make $20.

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Jul 25, 2024 3:51:13 PM Me

back at computer. my anxiety is weirdly very high right now

Jul 25, 2024 4:23:55 PM Me

hi, here is what I think will be the final prototype update

Jul 25, 2024 4:23:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Figma

Jul 25, 2024 4:28:38 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Can you email this image?

Jul 25, 2024 4:29:07 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

One suggestion the capture button is off screen

Jul 25, 2024 5:08:00 PM ⇲ Me

Why? Offscreen? How the hell do you tap it then?

Jul 25, 2024 4:29:42 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Jul 25, 2024 5:04:58 PM Me

Yeah just need five minutes to finish my break. I work for 25 minutes and then I take a break.

Jul 25, 2024 5:08:00 PM ⇱ Me

Why? Offscreen? How the hell do you tap it then?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 25, 2024 5:12:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It is off screen now - you need to scroll to get it. It needs to be one screen and able to hit it without scrolling

Jul 25, 2024 5:12:36 PM Me

Wow

Jul 25, 2024 5:12:53 PM Me

Then again it’s not responsive. It’s set for an iPhone 14.

Jul 25, 2024 5:13:37 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Ah - that was what I suspected- final version will be responsive

Jul 25, 2024 5:14:10 PM Me

Yeah. It’s so much additional work to get the thing to perform responsibly

Jul 25, 2024 5:14:25 PM Me

Do you still want me to send the button or rather the screen capture?

Jul 25, 2024 5:14:58 PM +13038752587

Screen capture to see whole flow diagram

Jul 25, 2024 5:15:42 PM Me

Oh that’s too big to look at on the phone unless you want to be pinching and zooming all day should I email it actually I see blind CCed you on my reply to my client. There is a link to the current prototype in there and to the updated what I call wireframe or flow, check your

Jul 25, 2024 5:15:47 PM Me

Email

Jul 25, 2024 5:26:56 PM Me

I somehow found Medi-Cal pharmacy online and I’m chatting with an agent to figure out how to get a prescription refill because I only have four days left on one

Jul 25, 2024 5:41:58 PM Me

saw this today: Ashleigh

Jul 25, 2024 5:42:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

haha

Jul 25, 2024 5:42:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

link didnt copy

Jul 25, 2024 5:42:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://mistral.ai/news/mistral-large-2407/

Jul 25, 2024 5:42:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Mistral Releases Large 2 : an Open Source Multilingual LLM w. 80+ Coding Languages

Jul 25, 2024 7:08:34 PM Me

Hey, I just got $22.50 to deliver Wendy’s from Ventura to Oakview

Jul 25, 2024 7:10:28 PM Me

I wasn’t gonna go out for dinner – but I sat around for a half an hour and then I got that order. So I think I’m going to head back to Ventura. I have paperwork for the divorce. I worked on while I was waiting. I did all the mass For how much I was making etc. and then I have to put values on items in the house like the washer and dryer I paid for and her bicycle that I paid for or at least my credits getting destroyed for it so should I to be reimbursed, three grand for her bike I mean she doesn’t have to pay the bill and she got to ride that bike at Kona

Jul 25, 2024 7:12:31 PM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Once finalized send it my way

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Jul 25, 2024 7:12:36 PM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Enjoy dinners

Jul 25, 2024 8:06:08 PM ⇲ Me

That was speech to text weirdness. I just stopped at the store and because I have the markets app on my phone I get deals that aren’t advertised and it’s on shit. I buy like cheese and lunch meat and granola.

Jul 25, 2024 8:06:08 PM ⇱ Me

That was speech to text weirdness. I just stopped at the store and because I have the markets app on my phone I get deals that aren’t advertised and it’s on shit. I buy like cheese and lunch meat and granola.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 25, 2024 8:07:55 PM Me

I got a box of good fins, gluten-free Parmesan and garlic rice crackers for $1.97. I got a 8 ounce package of provolone cheese with 20 thin slices for $1.97 and then I got a dollar off Hampshire sour cream the Knudsen one I don’t know if you have that out there. Anyhow, I’ll tell those strings three things cost almost 7 bucks with the deals and the little over 12 without. And five bucks for a guy like me is a big deal

Jul 25, 2024 8:10:01 PM Me

OK, headed to the house done with dashing going to take the dog out to the beach just for a quick loop. I know she’ll wanna go then back to the house and I will send you the PDFs of the divorce paperwork. I am also going to send it to, my father just because I know he’s fastidious about documentation. He used to do his own taxes, long form at the dining table until he had too many variables at Play so it made sense to hire somebody who knew shit. He didn’t know the way things are unfolding I think it will be next week whenI have everything in order and I can go to the help center to confirm. It’s good before I walk to the court clerks desk and submit it to get a case number.

Jul 25, 2024 8:10:15 PM Me

When I get a case number, that’s when divorce gets real

Jul 25, 2024 8:12:52 PM Me

And once she’s served the summons which will be the paperwork I walk away with from the clerk. She has 30 days to respond to the court on all the things I claim for splitting up like her retirement money. She may fight that and say well that’s his problem. However, I’d like to remind her of her mother and father’s separation and her father took very good care of her mother Despite the situation. I could not imagine Sallie going homeless in that situation so I still have something in the back of my head about all this that I’m still holding onto and anyway I’ll talk about that another

Jul 26, 2024 10:48:55 AM Me

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Jul 26, 2024 11:22:23 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll read divorce docs later today. One thought is to ask for all you are legal able too. This will allow you to have negotiation room.

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Liked by Me

Jul 26, 2024 11:35:13 AM Me

Working on them now

Jul 26, 2024 2:52:53 PM Me

Hey there, just got done DoorDash Ing for about an hour and I’m now headed to the house for a cleanup and a pack up and then I’m gonna stay in Ventura tonight and walk the beach later cause I’m working on these divorce papers and it’s you know, even though it’s like not emotionally crying it’s still heavy and feels dark

Jul 26, 2024 4:28:59 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Did you line up another house sitting gig?

Jul 26, 2024 5:35:23 PM Me

Not until I sit for these guys again in August

Jul 26, 2024 5:35:30 PM Me

Been busy

Jul 26, 2024 5:36:03 PM Me

Trying to not spend all my time here with face to screen

Jul 26, 2024 5:41:37 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I have an acquaintance who lines up stays over 4-6 weeks at a time. Not one gig but 4-6. My guess is she puts in initial effort to get the ball rolling then just minimal to always have 4-6 weeks lined up.

Jul 26, 2024 5:44:29 PM Me

You have to look out a couple months

Jul 26, 2024 5:44:58 PM Me

Plus, this is my first one ever and I’m hoping these guys give me a nice review and that will of course incline other people to have me sit at their place. Especially if I’m in Oprah’s neighborhood in Montecito.

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Jul 26, 2024 5:45:00 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

There are last minute gigs tonight people cancel

Jul 26, 2024 5:45:17 PM Me

This is true I will look but right now I am urgently trying to get out the door before they get home like I said I’m busy

Jul 26, 2024 5:45:47 PM +13038752587

Get on it 😀- talk to you later

Jul 26, 2024 5:51:09 PM Me

K

Jul 27, 2024 7:53:46 AM Me

Hi

Jul 27, 2024 7:54:43 AM Me

Woke up sad over here And worried So a normal day for me 👍

Jul 27, 2024 8:09:00 AM Me

Trying to find gratitude

Jul 27, 2024 9:22:08 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

hope ur doing well.

Jul 27, 2024 9:22:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

whats up for you this Saturday? Been in starbucks for 30mins already. Having my first panic attack in a LONG time right now.

Jul 27, 2024 9:26:36 AM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

not sure if going back into the car is triggering anxiety. What I do know is that my neck is messed up. I need some serious chiro/massage combination. Sucks is I have no money to get ANY kind of treatment. And that’s the least of my troubles now. Over 2 car payments behind. Still waiting for payment. Have 2 days left on one of my 3 depression meds. I can’t get a refill. I’m not with Cerebral anymore, they were costing $85 a month so had to cancel. Cerebral is where I worked with the psych nurse over 18 months to get it dialed in and over this last month I’ve felt better, not great, but not crying everyday.

Jul 27, 2024 9:26:46 AM Me

I’m between insurances right now.

Jul 27, 2024 9:27:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Can’t go back to old doc, and dont have paperwork to go see new doc and get a new script.

Jul 27, 2024 9:30:31 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Found a chat line for Medi-Cal Rx. Texted with a real person. Told them the situation. They said hands are tied by policy and cant renew for me, despite the fact I’m not changing anything, just more of the same. Still no. They said I have 2 options. 1. go to an ER I said on text that’s ridiculous and waste of resources, not to name inefficient 2. Call the 24 hour Nurse line He gave me a phone number to call and see what, if anything, they could do for me. They may not be able to do anything, but that’s the only route he could see until I meet with my new doc — I sent paper work in 2 weeks ago. Unsure what’s next.

Jul 27, 2024 9:32:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, need to drive up to Ojai, which means I have to doordash for 2 hours to affored to be able to drive up to Thacher, storage, and back down here. So more doordash today, and everyday is exactly the same. I’m well past “beginning to” lose my mind. My mind was lost long ago.

Jul 27, 2024 9:36:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Having to deal with the outside stress of car, storage payments, pharmacy, etc. on TOP of the ‘where or what is my work going to turn into??’ Plus the rejection from apps every day Plus getting contacted daily about all the credit card accounts getting charged off and destroying my credit. They contact and say, call us so we can make a plan. I dont call because they will want money I dont have, and I can turn red in the face — they dont seem to GET my deal and think that I have money somewhere. Besides I wrote ALL of them a formal printed letter to each of their customer support mailing addresses and told them of my situation. Told them, happy to pay, just freeze everything, DONT charge me interest, and I can pick back up when working again. NOPE.

Jul 27, 2024 9:36:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I stare in any direction long enough there are stressful things to deal with.

Jul 27, 2024 9:37:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

All day, all night. It never ends, or has the appearance, experience, and perception of it.

Jul 27, 2024 9:38:16 AM +13038752587

Why is the ER not an option - can you get meds there?

Jul 27, 2024 9:38:25 AM Me

I can distill everything I feel into a 4 word sentence right now.

Jul 27, 2024 9:38:27 AM Me

I

Jul 27, 2024 9:38:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

am

Jul 27, 2024 9:38:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

losing

Jul 27, 2024 9:38:34 AM Me

hope

Jul 27, 2024 9:38:51 AM +13038752587

If you had the money can you get cerebral back up

Jul 27, 2024 9:39:12 AM Me

probably

Jul 27, 2024 9:39:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

they send me emails saying that

Jul 27, 2024 9:39:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my reply is I need your help, but I cant afford you, so I get to suffer

Jul 27, 2024 9:40:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Being back in the car has put me back into the vice, literally and figuratively.

Jul 27, 2024 9:40:45 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

feeling squeezed in every direction

Jul 27, 2024 9:41:00 AM +13038752587

Keep it simple

Jul 27, 2024 9:41:09 AM +13038752587

Dash for cash you need

Jul 27, 2024 9:42:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I do, but with shame. Can’t shake it.

Jul 27, 2024 9:41:19 AM +13038752587

Then deal with the next thing

Jul 27, 2024 9:41:28 AM Me

Capitalism wont give Corporation wont give Somethings got to give

Jul 27, 2024 9:42:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I do, but with shame. Can’t shake it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 27, 2024 9:42:41 AM +13038752587

Stop the shame - shoveling shit to pay the bills is a job to be proud of

Jul 27, 2024 9:42:51 AM Me

trying to get the divorce paperwork done right now.

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Jul 27, 2024 9:43:09 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Send them my way when complete

Jul 27, 2024 9:43:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feeling triggered from all sidrections

Jul 27, 2024 9:43:27 AM +13038752587

Have to go for a bit - I’ll check in later

Jul 27, 2024 9:43:41 AM Me

back to crying just sitting here

Jul 27, 2024 9:43:52 AM Me

ok, take care of your shit

Jul 27, 2024 1:06:17 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

MSN

Jul 28, 2024 8:30:29 AM Me

GM Woke up sad 😔 Feeling hopeless I was here a year ago, wtf? Giving up on hope and optimism. Fuck those things they’re worthless. Total fucking waste of energy. How’s ur day?

Jul 28, 2024 8:44:17 AM Me

Part of me has calcified and died. I just don’t give any shits anymore. 2 car payments behind. Storage payment coming up. Can’t get refills on depression meds so I’m going cold turkey.

Jul 28, 2024 8:44:42 AM Me

Ideation huge this morning

Jul 28, 2024 8:44:57 AM Me

| I want off
Edited 46 seconds later |

Jul 28, 2024 8:46:22 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Feeling the stress’s of payments due is understandable.

Jul 28, 2024 8:47:01 AM Me

Stepping in front of a fast 18 wheeler would do it pretty quick

Jul 28, 2024 8:47:04 AM +13038752587

Did you ask you client for final payment? Not just invoice but a follow up request all work is completed

Jul 28, 2024 8:48:03 AM ⇲ Me

Handoff is not done

Jul 28, 2024 8:47:21 AM Me

But could live thru it

Jul 28, 2024 8:48:03 AM ⇱ Me

Handoff is not done
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 28, 2024 8:50:11 AM +13038752587

What’s left?

Jul 28, 2024 8:51:38 AM Me

So not entirely done. So I get the payment then I pay other things to get me current And then I’m right back to barely having my head above water For what exactly???? So I can live in my car, some more, stress some more, sleep poorly, eat poorly, have no friends… I mean WTF am I doing this for? Only reason I see is so I can stay in this space longer.

Jul 28, 2024 8:52:11 AM Me

I’m delaying the inevitable

Jul 28, 2024 8:52:55 AM Me

I said this to you well over a year ago. I’m gonna walk this earth and carry everybody’s pain with me for the rest of my life. And that is exactly what the fuck is happening and this is not a life I signed up for.

Jul 28, 2024 8:53:08 AM +13038752587

The negative projection of the future is disempowering

Jul 28, 2024 8:53:17 AM Me

That’s all I got

Jul 28, 2024 8:53:36 AM +13038752587

What is a positive projection of the future

Jul 28, 2024 8:55:11 AM Me

Nothing in my life or mind sees positivity in the future. I see 48hrs ahead at most. I’ve been in this headspace 24/7 for well over a year. I’m fucked up

Jul 28, 2024 8:55:26 AM Me

I only see stress

Jul 28, 2024 8:55:34 AM Me

And discomfort

Jul 28, 2024 8:55:53 AM Me

Rather they’re the default

Jul 28, 2024 8:56:09 AM Me

Stress and discomfort are a good day

Jul 28, 2024 8:58:32 AM Me

Anyhow, off to spend my day pretending that I matter to myself and convince myself to stick around another day.

Jul 28, 2024 9:00:44 AM Me

Every morning I find myself in a hole 🕳️

Jul 28, 2024 9:00:55 AM Me

Every damn day

Jul 28, 2024 9:01:45 AM Me

Sex Pistols said it well “No future, no future for you!!”

Jul 28, 2024 9:02:31 AM Me

Been up 30 minutes and I’m ready for the day to be over

Jul 28, 2024 9:11:50 AM Me

I’m doing that thing where my brain clicks out and I stare at something for a long time. Today’s gonna be fun

Jul 28, 2024 9:17:23 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

What’s your plan for the day.

Jul 28, 2024 9:20:56 AM Me

Not sure. I literally don’t have money so there’s that That's everydat, hustle for 3 hours for $20 to eat

Jul 28, 2024 9:21:22 AM Me

Pretend to work

Jul 28, 2024 9:21:30 AM Me

Pretend to apply for jobs

Jul 28, 2024 9:21:39 AM Me

Pretend that I matter

Jul 28, 2024 9:22:06 AM Me

Honestly nothing matters

Jul 28, 2024 9:22:38 AM Me

People make things a matter No people Nothing matters

Jul 28, 2024 9:23:26 AM Me

Probably have long periods of time where I click out today, now its already happened on e

Jul 28, 2024 9:24:26 AM Me

Ffor real I’ll open my laptop and just be an ADD mind in there all day. distracting myself by pretending to be busy looking for a job that doesn’t exist

Jul 28, 2024 9:25:08 AM Me

One thing I do know is that if you ever need a person to be critical or negative in any capacity, you’ve got the world leader right here. You’d be hard-pressed to find somebody more negative than me.

Jul 28, 2024 9:25:28 AM Me

Weirdly, I actually take a lot of pride in that

Jul 28, 2024 9:26:00 AM Me

Simply because I can get really incredibly fucking negative I don’t even share some of the negative shit that’s in my head

Jul 28, 2024 9:27:52 AM Me

Honestly don't know what I'm doing today. Sitting in my car in a giant parking lot. Watching people walk around and wake up to their Sunday in this really sleepy way that I know person personally I’ve not experienced in years

Jul 28, 2024 9:29:19 AM Me

Already cried buckets today and barely up an hour

Jul 28, 2024 9:32:04 AM Me

Let me know when you’re done looking at those divorce papers. Not that turning those in is gonna instantly turn my life around, but maybe I’ll feel better when it’s done.

Jul 28, 2024 9:32:39 AM Me

I am really close to my breaking point though I gotta say I’m dancing right around it

Jul 28, 2024 9:33:07 AM Me

I for real don’t know how much longer I can live like this

Jul 28, 2024 9:33:47 AM Me

There’s a certain level of emotional and psychological torture that I’m being put through by Elizabeth through this experience And I will never fucking forget it

Jul 28, 2024 9:35:22 AM Me

TOTAL KUNT

Jul 28, 2024 9:36:52 AM Me

I guess I’m gonna sit here in my car in a parking lot until 11 and then try to DoorDash so I have money to buy water. Then I’m probably just gonna sit in my car more. That’s what I do. I sit in my car in parking lots that’s life now

Jul 28, 2024 10:13:14 AM Me

NordVPN and Adobe want their money

Jul 28, 2024 1:43:11 PM Me

I'm among people, but impersonal and invisible. I tred thru each 24 hour rotation of the Earth and find myself in the same place Mentally and physically. Everyday. There's been no movement and I am feeling done. This experience has fucked me up In the head that is for sure. Hopefully it s not permanent

Jul 28, 2024 1:44:05 PM Me

Found out this morning Liz is taking all 3 boys to Las Vegas for the week. Must be nice to have money to gamble with cunt.

Jul 28, 2024 2:04:14 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Just a vacay? Or some event

Jul 28, 2024 2:09:34 PM Me

Vacation

Jul 28, 2024 2:09:46 PM Me

That must be nice to have one of those

Jul 28, 2024 2:10:00 PM Me

I don’t even know what it’s like the shit on my own toilet

Jul 28, 2024 2:10:34 PM Me

I have two modes, DoorDash and and stressing the fuck out that’s it

Jul 28, 2024 2:11:15 PM Me

And mark my words, mark this date in your calendar I have cancer I can feel it in my body and it’s gonna be the end of me thanks fucking God

Jul 28, 2024 2:15:31 PM Me

Even when I don't feel stress or anxiety its there. My body has made That default mode now

Jul 28, 2024 2:21:53 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

—/ Let’s get out of doom and gloom What is your cash target for today? How much for food and meds( how much to get account active plus the meds)?

Jul 28, 2024 3:13:15 PM Me

All my meds together are $70 $85 to Activate Cerebral for one month. Basically pay $85 to get a prescription written for me. It doesn’t provide counseling it’s a prescription writer. That’s why I stopped it.

Jul 28, 2024 3:14:26 PM Me

Right now I have 10 bucks in my pocket. I just got done DoorDash Ing for two hours and I was now going to take a break and work on the divorce papers and then I’ll stop that and go right back to fucking DoorDash and I’ll work more than 12 hours again fucking today I don’t even know the last time I had a day where I did absolutely nothing related to work finding work or fucking working for peanuts

Jul 28, 2024 3:15:07 PM Me

I just saw my boys for about all of five minutes and picked up my mail. They were running off to go play basketball with their friends.

Jul 28, 2024 3:15:29 PM Me

And as I was leaving campus, Aidan drives by me. I waved Adam and he just stares straight ahead. Totally fucking ignoring me.

Jul 28, 2024 3:15:42 PM Me

Fuck that kid he had a big hand in all of this bullshit

Jul 28, 2024 3:16:04 PM Me

I am really upset with him, and I have no way to express that

Jul 28, 2024 3:16:21 PM Me

But then again, it’s almost like I don’t even give a shit

Jul 28, 2024 3:17:54 PM Me

I mean, come on my boys. Don’t call me on my birthday. They don’t reach out and call on the holidays or anything. They don’t remember that they have a fucking father.

Jul 28, 2024 3:18:29 PM Me

It’s like I don’t fucking exist. Shit outside of me outside of my control confirms when I believe that I’m fucking worthless and I don’t fucking matter.

Jul 28, 2024 3:22:39 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t read into it he could have been zoning out.

Jul 28, 2024 3:25:08 PM Me

I have half a loaf of bread, maybe three scoops of peanut butter jar of jelly so I have food for the rest of today. I can eat that.

Jul 28, 2024 3:26:31 PM Me

I am now stopping at my storage unit for a quick minute since I haven’t been up here in a week just gonna drop off and pick up some stuff from my space. Then headed to Starbucks in Ojai for the Wi-Fi and air conditioning and I may head to Venturaso I can enjoy cooler weather. It’s 90° up here and hot.

Jul 28, 2024 4:04:27 PM Me

I just wanna take a moment and apologize to you for being such a whiny bitch today

Jul 28, 2024 4:07:04 PM Me

I know you want to help and I know you want me to stop it. If it was that easy, I would’ve done it. There’s something deeper going on and I don’t know. I haven’t cracked the nut or whatever the fuck it is yet. I know that there is not a destination or a place I need to get to. That’s not what this is about.

Jul 28, 2024 4:09:01 PM Me

It is if someone or something metaphorically has its boot on my throat. Isn’t going to take it off until I crack mentally and turn into whatever the fuck

Jul 28, 2024 4:10:38 PM Me

OK time to drive to Starbucks sit my ass down and send the document 150 that’s not locked and the statement

Jul 28, 2024 4:18:15 PM Me

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Jul 28, 2024 6:02:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, done at starbucks ojai

Jul 28, 2024 6:03:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

racing down to ventura for dinner dash a bit, then to ocean. I need to air out after all this divorce document shit

Jul 28, 2024 6:03:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its had my head in a space I dont like to be in

Jul 28, 2024 6:03:15 PM Me

For the past 3 days

Jul 28, 2024 6:03:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Probably why I’m such a whiny cunt today

Jul 28, 2024 6:03:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, send me good money vibes

Jul 28, 2024 7:57:23 PM Me

I think I’m on my last order right now not sure. But I need to charge my car again which means another 10 bucks. If I could afford the seven dollar a month fee I would get or pay less per kilowatt

Jul 28, 2024 8:38:47 PM Me

Putting $10 charge in. I’m in Camarillo Someone conspired to pay me $16 to deliver some Tommy’s hamburgers from Ventura to Camarillo.

Jul 28, 2024 9:04:16 PM Me

I am hopeful that tomorrow my brain doesn’t go tripping the fuck out like it did today and like it has a lot recently quite honestly. I mean, I’m under a crap ton of stress and have been for a actually too long, a time

Jul 28, 2024 9:19:04 PM Me

Back in Ventura. Didn’t get a beach walk in tonight. Maybe do it in the morning.

Jul 29, 2024 8:01:46 AM Me

👋

Jul 29, 2024 8:23:17 AM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Jul 29, 2024 8:24:23 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I was on able to read 12c other files said deleted.

Jul 29, 2024 8:24:42 AM Me

I’ll resend

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Jul 29, 2024 8:24:42 AM +13038752587

Can you resend?

Jul 29, 2024 8:24:53 AM Me

Yes

Jul 29, 2024 8:25:03 AM Me

Walking into Starbucks

Jul 29, 2024 8:25:40 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I highly recommend you ask for everything the law allows. This will give you room to negotiate.

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Jul 29, 2024 8:26:25 AM Me

The law in California is 50-50. Once you get over 10 years of marriage.

Jul 29, 2024 8:26:43 AM Me

I can simply say I’d like 50% of all of her assets

Jul 29, 2024 8:26:58 AM Me

Is that were earned while we were married?

Jul 29, 2024 8:27:15 AM +13038752587

You are still married

Jul 29, 2024 8:27:37 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Legally

Jul 29, 2024 8:28:16 AM Me

According to the law, yes, but the key date is the date of separation, which would be when I moved out last summer. After that date anything she gets I don’t have any hands on So anything she’s inherited from her mom just now I have no claim to. However, the fact that she has inherited significant assets from her mother proves that she has the resources to provide me support

Jul 29, 2024 8:29:05 AM Me

That’s the key she has resources and assets to provide me support. She may not want to sell the house that her mother gave her but she may have to in order to pay me roughly $16,000 in credit card debt thousand 400 and fees for storage plus a whole Lotta other shit

Jul 29, 2024 8:29:31 AM Me

I’m asking for half of her $200,000 plus retirement account

Jul 29, 2024 8:30:19 AM +13038752587

Ask a lawyer about the inheritance and the role you played in taking care of her

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Jul 29, 2024 8:30:22 AM Me

I just really want to get my head out of this divorce paperwork headspace I’m not doing OK

Jul 29, 2024 8:30:52 AM +13038752587

Makes sense

Jul 29, 2024 8:31:12 AM Me

And the key is helping Sallie out. I did many times at Elizabeth’s ask or request and I will state that clearly. So not only was I helping her mom out I was helping her out so she could go ride fucking horses.

Jul 29, 2024 8:31:47 AM Me

Might as well ask for 50% of her Sallie inheritance and then will negotiate from there

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Jul 29, 2024 8:32:23 AM Me

I told Elizabeth straight to her face and looked her right in the eyes over a year ago and told her one day you will regret this and I think that day might be coming up soon

Jul 29, 2024 8:32:46 AM Me

She is going to pay a pretty heavy monetary price to divorce me

Jul 29, 2024 8:33:17 AM Me

I hope it keeps her up at night disturbs her sleep. I hope it stresses her out, gives her anxiety, maybe even trigger some depression and all of that can last for months on her as far as I’m concerned.

Jul 29, 2024 8:33:43 AM Me

I’m so done with her and this bullshit

Jul 29, 2024 8:34:23 AM Me

I wonder if the judge will take note that this whole time she’s had the ability to at least make sure I’m not ending up on the street, but she’s done literally nothing

Jul 29, 2024 8:34:43 AM Me

She only paid the phone bill because her phone was fucking cut off

Jul 29, 2024 8:35:03 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

One would think , but I don’t know how these things go

Jul 29, 2024 8:35:31 AM Me

That’s kind of fucked up isn’t it? I think it’s far to subjective even with the judge making the call it’s subjective.

Jul 29, 2024 8:35:52 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Within the parameters of the law

Jul 29, 2024 8:35:55 AM Me

There is definitely the male female bias going on

Jul 29, 2024 8:36:06 AM Me

Females are always the victims and they’re always the ones that needs support

Jul 29, 2024 8:36:33 AM Me

I’ll get some extreme left, leaning lesbian that hates men for my judge

Jul 29, 2024 8:37:01 AM Me

And once she close into the fact that Liz is a lesbian, she’ll totally give her what she wants

Jul 29, 2024 8:37:44 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

With in the parameters of the law

Jul 29, 2024 8:37:03 AM +13038752587

It’s was based on precedent until recent times - women were usually financially dependent on their husbands

Jul 29, 2024 8:37:44 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

With in the parameters of the law
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 29, 2024 8:38:12 AM Me

Just the hypothetical of me filing all of this and walking away with nothing is in my mind

Jul 29, 2024 8:38:58 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Not possible

Jul 29, 2024 8:38:25 AM Me

That’s totally possible here

Jul 29, 2024 8:38:39 AM Me

Liz could end up hiring Johnny Cochran bring him back from the dead

Jul 29, 2024 8:38:44 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok off to sleep 💤- I’ll read docs around 4pst

Jul 29, 2024 8:38:50 AM Me

K

Jul 29, 2024 8:38:58 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Not possible
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 29, 2024 8:40:33 AM Me

I’m just not doing OK. I think for a long time been telling myself I am, but I’m really not OK. I changed mentally in ways that are hard for me to articulate because they’re so new, anyhow when I’m able to finally stay in the same place for longer than a week Longer than a month then I can start to get my brain put back in order

Jul 29, 2024 8:41:43 AM Me

I’m just hyper aware of anything that goes on inside of me. I’ve excepted the idea that I am an overly and highly sensitive person that is dialed in to minutia that other people are not. I see things other people don’t see all the fucking time.

Jul 29, 2024 8:42:25 AM Me

And it’s not like I go looking for this shit it just jumps out at me. It’s like having lenses on your eyes that allow you to see shit and you can’t take them off.

Jul 29, 2024 8:43:22 AM Me

You wonder why I’m so negative all the time it’s because I’m really really good at finding broken shit and shit that isn’t quite right. I am beyond Yoda level at doing I can walk into any place. I’ve never been and I will instantly be able to point out all the little things that are not correct in that place And it’ll start within seconds

Jul 29, 2024 8:43:51 AM Me

Go looking for it I don’t ask for it. It just says hey here I am look at this. I’m broken.

Jul 29, 2024 11:06:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

great poem came across my radar today

Jul 29, 2024 11:06:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Refuse to struggle and you will see just how much you struggle. Refuse to judge and you will see just how much you judge. Refuse to make this moment anything other than what it is and you will see just how much you resist. If you don’t want to carry on this way, refuse to keep going this way… For every step taken that declines the invitation to repeat the past, a new future is born.

Jul 29, 2024 11:06:59 AM Me

really like that

Jul 29, 2024 12:28:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.yearofmentalhealth.com/p/8-ways-to-have-more-time

Jul 29, 2024 1:51:54 PM Me

got a monster headache, ugh

Jul 29, 2024 2:50:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

these are SO COOL!!! I would love one of these.

Jul 29, 2024 2:50:19 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Oat Foundry

Jul 29, 2024 2:50:58 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jul 29, 2024 2:51:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Picture Flap is mezmerizing

Jul 29, 2024 2:59:39 PM Me

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Nice

Jul 29, 2024 4:59:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey

Jul 29, 2024 5:00:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how r u?

Jul 29, 2024 5:30:43 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

In recovery mode August brings lots of changes Feeling a bit anxious - mostly due to procrastination from not breaking the pattern of urgency/distraction over important. Flipping that equation going forward

Jul 29, 2024 5:32:51 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Reading the 8 ways post you sent - coincidence I think 🤔 not

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Jul 29, 2024 7:46:57 PM Me

Portrait ala David Lynch

Jul 29, 2024 7:49:31 PM Me

In this one it’s hard for me to look at my eyes I can see all the pain behind them. I don’t look the same anymore

Jul 29, 2024 7:52:31 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 8 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Powerful portraits

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Jul 29, 2024 10:06:16 PM Me

Parked. Long Beach walk. 20 min meditation with Davidji on the shoreline. Felt gratitude and good. Now just feel tired.

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Jul 29, 2024 10:06:56 PM Me

Hope Liz enjoys Vegas. Might be last vacation in a long while methinks.

Jul 29, 2024 10:07:38 PM Me

However I have no idea how it will play out. Prepare for the worst Hope for the best

Jul 29, 2024 10:09:12 PM Me

If nothing major shifts I may head Colorado way after Darragh leaves for school

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Jul 30, 2024 7:41:34 AM Me

👋

Jul 30, 2024 8:13:09 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Morning

Jul 30, 2024 8:27:49 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Off to sleep

Jul 30, 2024 8:38:07 AM Me

Numb

Jul 30, 2024 8:38:17 AM Me

Over here

Jul 30, 2024 8:38:26 AM Me

Lost

Jul 30, 2024 8:38:36 AM Me

Confused

Jul 30, 2024 8:38:44 AM Me

Sad

Jul 30, 2024 8:38:54 AM Me

Down

Jul 30, 2024 8:47:01 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Lots of processing in sure while doing the divorce papers. I read thrm over - I had a couple of things but don’t recall right now - I’ll reread later and follow up

Jul 30, 2024 8:47:33 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Meditate fir 20 and let the feelings pass

Jul 30, 2024 8:47:41 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

😍

Jul 30, 2024 8:48:01 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be back in about 6 hrs

Jul 30, 2024 9:04:40 AM Me

ok

Jul 30, 2024 9:08:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just got coffee and sitting in a starbucks. going to do some stuff onilne, go thru email and find the daily rejection email, review supporting documentation. Make sure I have it all so I can print it. There is open darts tonight. I’ll go because I need distraction that will take my mind away from all of this. But I’ll also be on the down-low, not going to engage socially, or at least initiate it. I’ll talk, just wont start it. This isn’t easy to do.

Jul 30, 2024 9:10:35 AM Me

Need to protect my energy and the space around me. I’m feeling more fragile and vulnerable now than I ever have, I’m aware and I’m taking action. I was feeling it yesterday when around people. I was putting out, please fuck off and dont bother me vibes.

Jul 30, 2024 9:13:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One thing I’ve become acutely aware of is that I have lived in fear and that has guided and influenced my entire life. There wasn’t a choice other than fear until recently.

Jul 30, 2024 9:14:13 AM Me

Liberating in some sense, but incredibly heartbreaking

Jul 30, 2024 9:16:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Always worried, never present. I dont have lots of memories of my life, because I wasnt present. My mind was off worrying about something—the future, the car, the weather, how am I going to pay the bills? Always worried, mind always somewhere else. It guts me — there is no do over.

Jul 30, 2024 9:17:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, crying all over my laptop while writing this. Need to collect myself and get shit moving.

Jul 30, 2024 9:21:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Here I find myself again. One hour into the day and I’ve already mentally lived 24 hours in it. Mentally exhausted right now. All of that I just typed was a stream of words. I was just typing and not really thinking about it. When I type I look at the screen and dont think about the hands or fingers moving—I look to see the word appear on screen. I think and the word is here. Anyhow, brain digressing because its tired, and it just woke up.

Jul 30, 2024 10:12:20 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

this poem is so good. so spot on.

Jul 30, 2024 10:12:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Refuse to struggle and you will see just how much you struggle. Refuse to judge and you will see just how much you judge. Refuse to make this moment anything other than what it is and you will see just how much you resist. If you don’t want to carry on this way, refuse to keep going this way… For every step taken that declines the invitation to repeat the past, a new future is born. — A gentle reminder that each moment presents us an opportunity to choose actions distinct from our past behaviors, thereby unlocking endless new possibilities.

Jul 30, 2024 10:13:15 AM Me

Been following this woman from Sweden for over a couple years now. She’s on insight timer and found her website and signed up for her emails. She sends stuff like this all the time.

Jul 30, 2024 10:13:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

SEZ KRISTIANSEN copied that

Jul 30, 2024 10:13:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yes, SEZ is her first name

Jul 30, 2024 10:19:12 AM Me

Was just thinking that this moving out and trifecta of shit 💩 divorce, homelessness, unemployment… I think this has put me in its own unique PTSD over 15 months of this. Any thoughts on that??

Jul 30, 2024 11:53:29 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Disturbing and Haunting image AI created of me inside Photoshop today. I’m kinda freaked out. Its as if my subconscious took control of Pshop on a quantum level and sent me its picture. Damn spooky

Jul 30, 2024 11:55:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I asked it to fix something in the picture of me, extend the arms and make shoulders, and it gave me back what you see above.

Jul 30, 2024 11:56:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Reminds me of an artist Liz likes, a photographer who took pictures of people at a mental hospital in the 50s and they were dressed for halloween. Creepy as all fuck.

Jul 30, 2024 11:57:06 AM Me

Its like my inner demon is saying “Helllllloooooooooo” LIke Mrs. Doubtfire

Jul 30, 2024 11:57:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Might make that my Apple Avatar hahaha

Jul 30, 2024 12:16:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Jul 30, 2024 12:16:19 PM Me

there, here, everywhere

Jul 30, 2024 12:31:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

here’s a link to an function/feature outline I created for Greg. Asking for review and then estimate:

Jul 30, 2024 12:31:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Jul 30, 2024 3:17:22 PM Me

I got everything sent to my client, Greg Updated prototype outline for the admin area to manage website, data or rather data and an outline to build a tutorial that will be included in the app to show people how to use it. That was included in my original estimate so I drafted an outline and presented it to him and said review this give me feedback. I’ll give you an estimate and we’ll build it and then, the outline and the admin let me know if I got everything covered. If I do, I’ll give you an estimate on the build that so that’s what I spent my morning doing taking a break for a little bit changing location and then gonna finish gathering all the documentation. Another update when I’m done today

Jul 30, 2024 3:17:58 PM Me

And invoice 🧾 I actually mentioned to him that I have a car payment waiting for it, which is the gods honest truth

Jul 30, 2024 3:18:12 PM Me

People in this day and age get it

Jul 30, 2024 4:46:49 PM Me

Update v_2.51

Jul 30, 2024 4:47:09 PM Me

New Vault page to show how many uploads etchttps://www.figma.com/proto/UZ605muR31OjCjzb9k4wro/Last-Known.com%E2%80%94Prototype?page-id=3%3A2578&node-id=2437-19052&viewport=386%2C353%2C0.13&t=lXQMVHuu32PVivfJ-1&scaling=scale-down&content-scaling=fixed&starting-point-node-id=2478%3A5173

Jul 30, 2024 4:47:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Figma

Jul 30, 2024 4:47:38 PM Me

click thru when you can

Jul 30, 2024 4:47:55 PM Me

unsure at any time just click the hamburger menu

Jul 30, 2024 11:11:57 PM Me

Jul 30, 2024 11:12:09 PM Me

Jul 31, 2024 8:33:39 AM Me

👋

Jul 31, 2024 8:33:53 AM Me

Heart hurts a lot today

Jul 31, 2024 8:34:09 AM Me

Heartbroken

Jul 31, 2024 8:34:28 AM Me

Exhausted

Jul 31, 2024 8:34:45 AM Me

Mentally spent

Jul 31, 2024 8:35:06 AM Me

And not been awake more than an hour

Jul 31, 2024 8:36:13 AM Me

Not sure I’ll ever feel “good” And my good is on par with others barely tolerable.

Jul 31, 2024 8:37:37 AM Me

How much more of this I can endure is unknown but there’s not much more than I can take or endure much farther

Jul 31, 2024 8:37:50 AM Me

I know that

Jul 31, 2024 9:13:20 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Question - do you still have meds? Will there be a lapse in them?

Jul 31, 2024 9:27:40 AM ⇲ Me

I’m all set. Solved my problems for now.

Jul 31, 2024 9:15:17 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

I’m not going to be on meeting today

Jul 31, 2024 9:17:14 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

I Did check out links DJ sent? Energy field definitely has the money flowing into it. And it’s a necessity for the future of technology

Jul 31, 2024 9:18:16 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Green app - People also will want to know if what they’re using is truly green.

Jul 31, 2024 9:19:49 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

What is our value proposition? What do we offer? Do people want/need it? Will they pay for it? How/what is the compensation plan for each partner?

Jul 31, 2024 9:20:01 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll follow-up later

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Jul 31, 2024 9:27:40 AM ⇱ Me

I’m all set. Solved my problems for now.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jul 31, 2024 12:26:21 PM Me

Jul 31, 2024 12:54:43 PM Me

posting an article to LinkedIn about my use of AI on side projects

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Jul 31, 2024 1:12:43 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/embracing-ai-ux-ui-design-game-changer-articulating-visual-mahoney-udacc

Jul 31, 2024 1:21:01 PM Me

hi, ping me when you’re up

Jul 31, 2024 1:37:55 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Driving right now, you can give me a call or I can text you in about 30 minutes

Jul 31, 2024 3:01:12 PM Me

Hey, just dashed for 2 hours $14

Jul 31, 2024 3:01:19 PM Me

Jul 31, 2024 3:01:51 PM Me

Sux. Been working since 7:30am. Feeling incredibly tired

Jul 31, 2024 3:02:32 PM Me

Maybe nap at beach. Just don’t know Indecisive because of the fatigue

Jul 31, 2024 3:02:38 PM Me

Feel defeated

Jul 31, 2024 3:09:53 PM Me

Feel disaffected like I don’t give a shit what happens it just is what it is and if I get taken the fuck out, so be it

Jul 31, 2024 3:18:52 PM Me

Well, looks like I can’t access the beach for the week because of the fucking county fair

Jul 31, 2024 3:18:58 PM Me

County fair can suck my dick

Jul 31, 2024 3:19:24 PM Me

Some guy had the nuts to tell me that a public space was not a public space today and I almost said to his face fuck you in the fucking boat you rode in on it fucking grease ball

Jul 31, 2024 3:20:29 PM Me

I get to go spend the rest of my day in parking lot

Jul 31, 2024 3:20:42 PM Me

I also realize today’s the last day of July and I don’t even have any sense of fucking summer at all

Jul 31, 2024 3:26:01 PM Me

Parked in a supermarket lot. Being alone, and not having a partner sux. I’ve wanted that all my life and never truly had it

Jul 31, 2024 3:27:08 PM Me

To be with someone as long as I was with Liz and not truly know her is fucked up and I don’t I never really ever did she didn’t let me in

Jul 31, 2024 3:28:58 PM Me

Honestly, I’m just sick of fucking waiting around. And it’s not like I’m waiting or with my thumb up my ass like somebody’s gotta do everything for me. I do feel like I’m working my ass off but maybe I’m not. Maybe my perspective is wrong and I’m just blinded by my position and all of this.

Jul 31, 2024 3:29:34 PM Me

I’m completely open to the idea that I’m delusional and I’m fucking crazy for thinking what I think

Jul 31, 2024 3:38:08 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

I think part of it is you have been working hard mining for gold (traditional job market) and the mines only have trace amounts of gold left.

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Aug 01, 2024 9:29:27 AM ⇲ Me

GM Or trace amounts NOW

Jul 31, 2024 3:38:10 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jul 31, 2024 8:02:47 PM Me

Hey there, not sure if you’re up all night working or what. Just saying hi and that I just don’t feel well.

Jul 31, 2024 8:29:58 PM Me

I imagine it’s the paperwork still on my back and my mind. OK driving back to Ventura now I have my cushions and I’m off to buy some food just to get me through the night didn’t make a lot DoorDash today under 40 bucks.

Aug 01, 2024 12:01:44 AM Me

Aug 01, 2024 9:15:06 AM Me

Aug 01, 2024 9:15:07 AM Me

Have you thought about cloning yourself to get all your work done? Where this is going.

Aug 01, 2024 9:29:27 AM ⇱ Me

GM Or trace amounts NOW
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 01, 2024 9:29:50 AM Me

Today starts month 16

Aug 01, 2024 9:30:04 AM Me

Aug 01, 2024 9:47:22 AM Me

Feeling ungrounded and lonely. Unsure of next thing to do

Aug 01, 2024 9:50:42 AM Me

Literally order coffee, fire up Instagram and this is staring at me.

Aug 01, 2024 9:53:39 AM Me

Instagram

Aug 01, 2024 9:53:44 AM Me

Whole post

Aug 01, 2024 10:53:26 AM Me

Just signed petition No hesitation No emotion No tears Just signing a piece of paper A formality as we’re long since divorced from the hearts and minds of one another.

Aug 01, 2024 10:57:59 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes) +13038752587

Are you breathing a little easier knowing this step is completed

Aug 01, 2024 11:06:46 AM Me

well… not entirely complete. for me complete is having everything submitted and processed by court. And docs are to be served. i think when i get the service form back after shes been given the summons will be the real moment.

Aug 01, 2024 11:06:56 AM Me

then i know she kniws

Aug 01, 2024 11:07:05 AM Me

then its real

Aug 01, 2024 11:08:21 AM Me

not some ephemeral "divorce" she wants to go through with it she will have to pay i dont see how i walk away with nothing given whats transpired

Aug 01, 2024 11:10:39 AM Me

today i add ti the letter a new fact. after sallies passing and lizs inheritance of the house she let it sit empty, despite there being a guest room to stay in. she had means to provide me shelter with no out of pocket costs that has to reflect upon her charcter

Aug 01, 2024 11:10:44 AM Me

what say you?

Aug 01, 2024 11:11:55 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Yes, that is interesting 🧐

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Aug 01, 2024 11:12:51 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’ll be driving for the next 4 hrs - off camping 🏕️ in Wyoming

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Aug 01, 2024 11:15:04 AM ⇲ Me

I don’t know how you do it

Aug 01, 2024 11:13:24 AM Me

And that’s only one example post separation. I have one or two others where it’s hard to see anything other than intentional harm.

Aug 01, 2024 11:13:53 AM Me

Or maybe rather having the knowledge and means to alleviate some of my situation yet chose not to consciously

Aug 01, 2024 11:14:34 AM Me

I’m not going to make a claim that her actions imply anything I will simply state the facts. Her mother passed the house set vacant. Liz inherited it and put in there, but chose not to.

Aug 01, 2024 11:15:04 AM ⇱ Me

I don’t know how you do it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 01, 2024 11:20:21 AM Me

the irony is The person I’m becoming is who Liz wants to be with. Self assured, calm, smart and fun. No drama, no spats, nada. Not the old version of me.

Aug 01, 2024 11:20:38 AM Me

Too bad She had her chance

Aug 01, 2024 11:23:52 AM +13038752587

Yesterday was a stretch Home at 8am Sleep 9-12 Pack and do first leg of trip 4.5 hrs Hotel at 1:30a 33.5 hrs awake with a 3hr nap

Aug 01, 2024 11:36:26 AM Me

Dood

Aug 01, 2024 11:36:43 AM Me

No bueno And I know u know

Aug 01, 2024 11:37:30 AM Me

Don’t set yourself up for burnout. That’s the thing I fear for you is you’re so focused on all the shit that you might put some of your wellness and self-care on the back burner. I know I do it insanely and it’s something I have now shifted so I’m trying to inspire you to do the same thing.

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Aug 01, 2024 11:38:00 AM Me

Be aware of it and when it shows up in front of your face, it’s there for a reason it’s telling you time out

Aug 01, 2024 11:38:40 AM Me

OK enough preaching back to the computer for me. Going through checklists making sure I have everything before I go make one complete set of copies of everything. All government documents and all supporting information and paperwork.

Aug 01, 2024 11:39:05 AM Me

I should have a bowtie on this tomorrow

Aug 01, 2024 3:15:42 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Did you ask George if he or perhaps a colleague with divorce knowledge can do a Quick Look

Aug 01, 2024 3:42:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

no

Aug 01, 2024 3:48:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m going to self help center at courthouse. Going to make an appt first thing 8am tomorrow. First come first serve every morning for limited spots. Been waiting until my paperwork is ready for review. They will review it to make sure its complete and nothing is missing. I will ask them based on what you see here, is anything missing that the court would expect? Are there any “incomplete” areas or dead-ends inside this legally? Missing or incomplete statements? Any vulnerabilities? If so, what/where are they? What is most efficient way to resolve these to support the overall case?

Aug 01, 2024 6:35:59 PM Me

Wow. Depression BOOM 💥

Aug 01, 2024 6:37:28 PM Me

just went off in my head feeling incredibly triggered

Aug 01, 2024 6:37:40 PM Me

Wow 🤯

Aug 01, 2024 6:37:55 PM Me

Never had it drop in like this

Aug 01, 2024 6:38:33 PM Me

The equivalent would be walking in the straight line, stopping turning around and walking the other way, but when you turn around your head is just in a completely different space

Aug 01, 2024 6:41:05 PM Me

I think my anxiety is getting triggered. I’m really worried about submitting all this paperwork and then not getting enough support. I suspect when she gets served, she will likely connect with a lawyer somehow perhaps through connections working on her mom‘s stuff. I suspect she’ll hire a lawyer to protect as much of her shit as possible, And if that were to happen, the lawyer might come after me and say that I’m a drunk I’m a drug addict and I exposed my kids to all of that shit when they were little. But I’m unstable all of that bullshit that will make me come off as if I’m some kind of fucking loser slacker who did nothing to support her or the family.

Aug 01, 2024 6:41:36 PM Me

I’m crying really hard right now because I’m so worried about this going forward and just everything blowing up in my face

Aug 01, 2024 6:42:03 PM Me

I very much feel like David and Goliath. Kind of paradigm right now.

Aug 01, 2024 6:47:29 PM Me

My anxiety and depression are tweaking pretty hard right now. I’m supposed to be a sub on team right now honestly not feeling it. Just not in the right mindset.

Aug 01, 2024 6:48:25 PM Me

I have to walk in and be among a lot of people and interact and talk and all I wanna do is go hide from the world. It’s funny I’ve felt that my whole life, the feeling of wanting to hide from the world

Aug 01, 2024 6:49:53 PM Me

Shame is here In all her largess and glory

Aug 01, 2024 6:50:40 PM Me

I’m so tired of this And of living if I’m being honest

Aug 01, 2024 6:51:13 PM Me

Not much to look forward to each day other than breathing

Aug 01, 2024 8:54:14 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Worry about what she may do is normal. However, it will look

Aug 01, 2024 9:07:49 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Continue message However, it looks, the law is what it is. Do you think she will want to go to court and publicly go over the relationship? Playing out different scenarios is good so you can be prepared, but do this from an intellectual level and set aside emotions. These are possible scenarios and have nit occurred. No need to feel to what is not and may never be

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Aug 01, 2024 9:07:59 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Offline the rest of the night

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Aug 01, 2024 10:02:25 PM Me

Played summer league tonight as a substitute player. Came down to 701 tiebreaker. Each team all players in rotation. First to zero wins. HAVE to double out to win. Was left with 32 left to win. Hit double 16, outer ring and my team wins the night. Step to the oche. Like meditation, in breath, Out breath. All good whole time focused on the slice of board I need to hit. First dart 🎯 MAGIC DARTS !!!! HIT IT SOLIDLY with authority Got 👋 high fives from every single player on my team or not. We win. 🏆 So rewarding and incredibly satisfying to look at the dartboard pick a spot, focus, deep breath. I’m one of 10 people playing the game taking turns. Im shooting “cleanup” at the end of team rotation. There are 20+ people watching from the bar area, including bartenders watching in background ( you’re very aware of their eyes on you, everyones anticipatory energy in the air, but I’ve learned to make them disappear ) Look at the slice of double 16 bottom left and visually see the arc I need to throw in order to land it. I aim, then I don’t think, a snap of the arm back and forward to release… Before anyone else can tell, I see it leave my hand and go exactly where I was looking 👀 all the time not thinking about the movement of my hand rather I’m think about the arc and getting the dart on the right path. It lands dead center and I immediately fist pump and then everyone realizes that I hit, first dart. MAGIC DARTS!!!

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Aug 01, 2024 10:27:33 PM Me

YouTube

Aug 02, 2024 9:28:25 AM (Read by them after 24 seconds) Me

hey there

Aug 02, 2024 9:43:26 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

are you offline for a while?

Aug 02, 2024 10:14:34 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be online about 1 hr am and 1hr pm

Aug 02, 2024 10:15:26 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 02, 2024 10:21:41 AM Me

Are you stationary or moving around?

Aug 02, 2024 10:22:55 AM Me

I’m headed up to campus today. Getting my meds. Maybe some print outs of paperwork

Aug 02, 2024 10:26:42 AM Me

Darraghs here until 20th. He heads up to L&C for camping trip before school starts So…

Aug 02, 2024 10:26:56 AM Me

Have to begin thinking about what to do

Aug 02, 2024 10:27:14 AM Me

Stay, go, evaporate?

Aug 02, 2024 10:37:43 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Go

Aug 02, 2024 10:38:01 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

What will it take to make that happen?

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Aug 02, 2024 10:38:29 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 02, 2024 10:48:53 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Start with logistics

Aug 02, 2024 10:50:16 AM Me

I have to DoorDash today to eat. That’s a logistic and that is Primo

Aug 02, 2024 10:50:45 AM Me

I can’t plan beyond 48 hours. It’s not possible with the way. I’m living. Things are too unpredictable and I get surprises every day.

Aug 02, 2024 10:51:18 AM Me

That’s what nobody gets. They think it’s like fucking relax time. Hey, I’m unemployed and I can just fucking lay in the sun all day. That is a crock of shit.

Aug 02, 2024 10:54:00 AM Me

The thought actually crossed my mind this morning that I’m feeling burned out from being unemployed and homeless. And I thought to myself how the fuck is that possible? But that’s the feeling I have in me, I know it well because I’ve had it from burnout at work in years past, I’ve done it 34 times. Anyhow, I’m feeling burned out.

Aug 02, 2024 10:54:25 AM Me

Like my brain feels tired enough at all I can think about is today

Aug 02, 2024 10:55:06 AM Me

Not saying poor me. What I’m saying is no one knows.

Aug 02, 2024 10:59:46 AM Me

OMG

Aug 02, 2024 11:01:06 AM Me

I just remembered that t mobile is going to looking for 45 bucks in my account today. Fuck. I have $5 in there. Shit. This means all fucking day door dashing. Fucking hate this

Aug 02, 2024 11:01:31 AM Me

New money stress every day

Aug 02, 2024 11:02:03 AM Me

Almost behind 3 car payments Haven’t heard back from my client Greg all week

Aug 02, 2024 12:31:42 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Call him

Aug 02, 2024 11:02:17 AM Me

Behind on phone and car insurance too

Aug 02, 2024 11:02:34 AM Me

I could do 12 hour door dash days….

Aug 02, 2024 11:04:09 AM Me

Or I could just do nothing and give up on everything. It’s actually an appealing option right now. Join the people who live on the streets. Let everything go

Aug 02, 2024 11:05:46 AM Me

Choose not to play societies game I’ve tried to get in, but it’s like when I was a kid. Nobody wants me on their team, looked over and picked last.

Aug 02, 2024 11:07:21 AM Me

Honestly don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. Six months until divorce will see a courtroom Push thru six more months of this living in the car?

Aug 02, 2024 11:08:00 AM Me

I want to go into a dark space and just cry

Aug 02, 2024 11:10:37 AM Me

I’ve been surviving life for a long time now, I’m not living it. it’s unenjoyable

Aug 02, 2024 11:12:42 AM Me

At no least I’m a good worker on some fucking level.

Aug 02, 2024 11:15:23 AM Me

Ok. I’m sure I have Shit to do of some kind. Getting a coffee. Spending some of the $8 to my name. Just realized too I am a payment behind on my storage unit and I likely can’t get into my stuff until I pay them

Aug 02, 2024 11:15:55 AM Me

Storage 200 Insurance 250 Phone 100 Car 880

Aug 02, 2024 11:16:09 AM Me

Client check, 1000

Aug 02, 2024 11:16:27 AM Me

I don’t see any of it to eat

Aug 02, 2024 11:16:45 AM Me

Why is it so difficult for me to find work?

Aug 02, 2024 11:16:53 AM Me

What’s wrong with me?

Aug 02, 2024 11:34:07 AM Me

Depression is in the house today

Aug 02, 2024 11:39:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont know why I’m here I dont want to be here

Aug 02, 2024 11:48:36 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k, its nearly impossible to focus on the computer today feeling more scatterbrained than ever. Going to drive to Thacher, get my medications, and then maybe head back to Ventura. Going to be 90+ up here. I can already feel it and honestly dont want to sit in my car waiting for orders sweating—its fucking miserable, I’ve done it enough.

Aug 02, 2024 12:31:42 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Call him
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 02, 2024 12:31:42 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 02, 2024 12:33:19 PM Me

Trying to speech to text a minute ago and it didn’t work. I’m driving on my way back to Ventura right now because it feels like an oven roaster in Ojai.

Aug 02, 2024 12:33:50 PM Me

I am not doing well today. I haven’t felt this bad since before I stayed at the beach. It’s like whatever respite the beach provided has worn off now.

Aug 02, 2024 12:34:44 PM Me

Anyhow, I’m kind of on the road to fucking destruction so I kinda don’t give a shit

Aug 02, 2024 12:35:56 PM Me

I’ve already had a good cry, thinking about the boys and it breaks my fucking heart

Aug 02, 2024 12:56:14 PM Me

Moods will pass

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Aug 02, 2024 1:10:56 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Offline for a while bbl

Aug 02, 2024 1:36:30 PM Me

290 in 4 days. Plus 45 for phone today Im at $15 right now I have no food or water

Aug 02, 2024 1:36:54 PM Me

I deserve this for some reason

Aug 02, 2024 1:37:23 PM Me

Can’t figure out why or what I did to deserve this experience

Aug 02, 2024 2:31:31 PM Me

Got my first collections letter today. Amex charged off the account

Aug 02, 2024 2:35:46 PM Me

Feeling frozen. Not as in cold, but unable to do anything artwork nothing sounds appealing at all.

Aug 02, 2024 2:40:28 PM Me

I am a loser who i losing

Aug 02, 2024 3:00:43 PM Me

2 hours

Aug 02, 2024 3:30:15 PM Me

Need another $22 to pay phone. Then I deliver so there is money to eat something. Have one slice of bread and half jar peanut butter.

Aug 02, 2024 3:40:34 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 19 seconds) Me

I’ve followed up with client. I emailed him last on Tuesday, and had not heard back. I know he can get super busy and I know he has secret clearance, so he could be on a job where they don’t talk to the outside on their devices so they’re not tracked, etc.

Aug 02, 2024 3:42:27 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

He works with all the major aviation companies that MAKE jets for the military and other types of planes. He’s a jet safety inspection specialist with a marine corp background. He’s a good guy and have no worry about him vaporizing as I’ve had clients do in the past once it was time to pay. Anyhow.

Aug 02, 2024 3:43:33 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

Been online for about 30mins now. FIrst time today at 2pm. And my first coffee too. Could Coffee and laptop be such a dependency that to not have it, like today, derails me? Was this morning a fluke? A one off? Or a symptom of pattern behavior?

Aug 02, 2024 3:44:04 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 49 seconds) Me

Have to say I feel alot calmer in front of the laptop, that is, until I’m not.

Aug 02, 2024 3:45:36 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 17 seconds) Me

I need to find a way to harness all this emotion and experience into something I can share easily. Maybe its the podcast — actually that is probabaly 30 mins from having the first version totally solid.

Aug 02, 2024 3:46:18 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 35 seconds) Me

I know Laurie, therapist, has said that to me more than once. Not selling, rather find a way to share emotion and experience through art.

Aug 02, 2024 3:49:15 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 38 seconds) Me

I’ve been thinking maybe I need to get back to canvases. I left that all behind once I got online — sad actually. Even if I did one hour per week over all those years I would have amassed a body of work. But then what do I have artistically? Not much. Nothing I would call art. My design work for software does have an artistic aspect to it, but the craft is dominated by other interests influencing direction, namely business goals 😊

Aug 02, 2024 3:50:29 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

Another sad reflection is that I have a lot of art ideas in my head. Designs, messages, all kinds of shit. Total mashup of culture from when we were kids to present day — half a century of material.

Aug 02, 2024 3:50:44 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 6 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

Maybe make GenX_Art

Aug 02, 2024 5:20:15 PM Me

Hey 👋 In better headspace Was as if a storm was rolling thru the brain. This was the most removed I’ve ever felt during an episode of this. Prior I would be consumed and not able to see beyond that moment, that shit will pass. When you’re in that consumed mindset there is no reasoning with or trying to convince them anything other than their experience It’s that headspace where ideation and flirting with checking out is plausible. That’s definitely the mind space we’re falling into that is ridiculously easy.

Aug 02, 2024 5:22:45 PM Me

I just started dashing 20 minutes ago have my first order it’ll put me at $30 still need 15 more to pay my phone bill and then even more money if I want to eat

Aug 02, 2024 6:32:24 PM Me

I gotta say it’s painful driving five full McDonald’s meals, two humongous bags in my car and I don’t have any money to eat. It sucks.

Aug 02, 2024 8:44:15 PM Me

I’m just so fucking angry. I’m angry at everything

Aug 02, 2024 8:44:43 PM Me

It was easily up there on the top 10 worst fucking days I’ve had since this whole shit started

Aug 02, 2024 8:45:06 PM Me

I’m just ready to tap the fuck out. I’m just I’m all filled up.

Aug 02, 2024 8:45:43 PM Me

Whatever fucking point this is trying to prove ain’t working because at this point, I’m just fucking angry and I don’t give a shit anymore. Everybody can fucking sit on a dildo and spin as far as I care.

Aug 02, 2024 8:46:30 PM Me

And BITTER

Aug 02, 2024 8:47:12 PM Me

I’m really fucking bitter Actually might be more that than angry

Aug 02, 2024 9:48:13 PM Me

I just checked out of target, was able to buy turkey and cheese, so I’m good. However, it was interesting to see a guy with a beard who looked like a contemporary a register. And we caught each other’s eye for a second. I thought to myself why the fuck wouldn’t they hire me? Obviously I have no idea what his story is. But it proves to me they’re not ageist

Aug 02, 2024 10:02:13 PM Me

I just had an idea. You know how communication arts has a design annual people pay to submit their stuff to be judged and then they get awarded whatever and people can say oh I’m a gold medalist at communication arts design awards, blah blah blah How about I start an organization, that bestows design awards to cannabis companies. It has to be in the cannabis category to be eligible for design awards. What made me think of this was the different packaging and the amount or lack there of in terms of packaging. For example you buy a pre-roll, which is a single joint, and there is some packaging that is ridiculous. I wonder how many trees died to put a package around that joint that is inside a glass tube with a piece of cork and then inside a paper box printed with gold foil. It’s absolutely beautiful but obscene at the same time In contrast, there’s a company called West Coast cure that has a tapered small tube with a little screw cap on the end that is minimal. Does the job better than Glass because he you can’t crush it or sit on it and break it so it holds the shape of the joint I think this could be fun. People will have to send in samples of their packaging and I would encourage them to include the insides as well. We have to judge everything. 😄 I then recruit for top design people out there to judge along with me. I would follow the same format communication arts uses, which makes voting anonymous and private yet at the same time you’re all standing in the same room moving around tables.

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Aug 02, 2024 10:02:32 PM Me

Thoughts? I don’t know if this exists yet I haven’t opened my computer.

Aug 02, 2024 10:16:32 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 41 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Dig deeper - do more research

Aug 02, 2024 10:16:38 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 41 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Good night

Aug 03, 2024 8:42:55 AM Me

Omg

Aug 03, 2024 8:42:57 AM Me

Omg

Aug 03, 2024 8:42:58 AM Me

Omg

Aug 03, 2024 8:43:47 AM Me

I just ran into Jenica at Starbucks and her boyfriend was with her She was less than pleased to see me

Aug 03, 2024 8:44:06 AM Me

I could sense the annoyance in her voice, and it breaks my fucking heart

Aug 03, 2024 8:45:06 AM Me

Dude, only been up a half an hour and I’m already got a fucking knife in my heart

Aug 03, 2024 8:46:05 AM Me

It’s really not what I needed

Aug 03, 2024 8:46:39 AM Me

Serious this fucking hit me all at once

Aug 03, 2024 8:47:18 AM Me

I was hoping to see her, but not see her with another guy, knowing that the two of them just came from her house and he had spent the night there.

Aug 03, 2024 8:47:30 AM Me

Maybe this is the universe telling me to fuck off

Aug 03, 2024 8:50:00 AM Me

How the fuck do you get this out of your head?

Aug 03, 2024 8:51:45 AM Me

Actually, I did need to fucking see that. As much synergy as there was between us, she is a very decisive woman and when she makes a decision that’s it. It just hurts so much because we clicked right off in the way that I never have with anyone not even with Liz It felt fucking electric

Aug 03, 2024 8:52:32 AM Me

Sad too because it’s a fucking beautiful morning here and I’m just miserable And not even awake for an hour

Aug 03, 2024 8:57:10 AM Me

Why all this suffering?? Am I supposed to get to the point where I let it go and it’s not suffering? I am having a hard time making it thru every day.

Aug 03, 2024 8:58:49 AM Me

I simply want to know wtf I need to do in order to move forward. I’m obviously not doing something right.

Aug 03, 2024 9:00:44 AM Me

Why does each day start so fucking intense for me? I can’t catch a break

Aug 03, 2024 9:04:53 AM Me

| And I obviously have something very wrong with me. I can’t make friends, and have none. I’d rather be alone than with people. But I feel loneliness with an empty intensity that makes me want to continue living Today is one hour old. Woke up one hour ago and already lived an entire day
Edited 1 minute, 3 seconds later | And I obviously have something very wrong with me. I can’t make friends, and have none. I’d rather be alone than with people. But I feel loneliness with an empty intensity that makes me NOT want to continue living Today is one hour old. Woke up one hour ago and already lived an entire day

Aug 03, 2024 9:06:45 AM Me

Currently find myself sitting alone in a parking lot for a park watching people pull in get out of the cars happy with friends and family and walk off into the beautiful park to have a nice time.

Aug 03, 2024 9:08:07 AM Me

My life is over That’s how all this feels

Aug 03, 2024 9:08:29 AM Me

I get scraps the rest of my days

Aug 03, 2024 9:12:35 AM Me

| An existence of suffering with no purpose other than to make other people not have to deal with heavy emotions. So I have to stay alive and suffer so that other people don’t have to suffer. That’s the fucking paradigm I’m in. End it, my suffering over, everyone has to deal with their demons and how they interacted with me. Leave everyone their own set of questions they’ll ask themselves till the end of time, and they will never find out the answer Or I keep living out of my car crying every day because I’m a giant loser who can’t get his shit together so other people can keep living their lives essentially unaffected and blissful?? Stay
Edited 15 seconds later | An existence of suffering with no purpose other than to make other people not have to deal with heavy emotions. So I have to stay alive and suffer so that other people don’t have to suffer. That’s the fucking paradigm I’m in. End it, my suffering over, everyone has to deal with their demons and how they interacted with me. Leave everyone their own set of questions they’ll ask themselves till the end of time, and they will never find out the answer Or I keep living out of my car crying every day because I’m a giant loser who can’t get his shit together so other people can keep living their lives essentially unaffected and blissful??

Aug 03, 2024 9:14:07 AM Me

I’ve said this over and over, for over a year now. No one is able provide a satisfactory answer.

Aug 03, 2024 9:16:52 AM Me

I’m carrying all the suffering of my own and Lizs. Only until they feel this kind of pain will they ever understand what my daily existence is like. And people have said “what about the boys?” They’ll have their mother, and she can spend the rest of her days, trying to make sense of her selfishness and how she put that before the marriage and the family.

Aug 03, 2024 9:18:21 AM Me

I can’t see a good reason to keep doing this

Aug 03, 2024 9:18:31 AM Me

This = living

Aug 03, 2024 9:19:50 AM Me

What’s the definition of an idiot? Someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over again and never gets thru

Aug 03, 2024 9:22:36 AM Me

I don’t have a family anymore

Aug 03, 2024 9:22:57 AM Me

I have some kids, but no family

Aug 03, 2024 9:25:50 AM Me

I feel like one of those random guys who has kids but never really around them and rarely communicates I know the street goes both ways and I’m VERY active in reaching out and wanting to engage I only ever hear back from Declan It’s like I don’t exist to Aidan and Darragh

Aug 03, 2024 9:30:04 AM Me

Ok That’s a fair amount to digest

Aug 03, 2024 9:35:36 AM Me

There is a dart thing at 12:30 that will distract me and then I meet with Laurie at 2pm After that who knows? I can’t see beyond where to park tonight Let alone figure out how to spend an afternoon other than sitting alone in a car in a giant parking lot watching the world go by.

Aug 03, 2024 9:35:51 AM Me

Feels like best days are behind me

Aug 03, 2024 10:09:13 AM Me

I’ve been sitting in the same spot in the front seat of my car for a straight hour now. I haven’t moved at all. Frozen Staring into space and clicking out

Aug 03, 2024 10:11:22 AM Me

How do I get her out of my head?

Aug 03, 2024 11:32:29 AM Me

Aug 03, 2024 11:56:11 AM Me

Hey This came up when I checked in at InsightTimer As if messaging was tailored to my situation on this listening I’ve heard it before But it SPOKE this time. Highly recommended meditation

Aug 03, 2024 11:56:14 AM Me

https://insig.ht/KwvYr2LzLLb

Aug 03, 2024 1:18:13 PM Me

By the way, I’ve totally processed this morning only took me couple hours. Honestly meditation helped and I just got done writing her a follow up text message to not throw me in a stalker bucket thinking I’m following her around. I sent her the house sitters link because that’s the Starbucks I go to in the Pierpont area so anyhow, so be it. She’s moved on and so have I.

Aug 03, 2024 1:41:03 PM Me

Aug 03, 2024 1:43:06 PM Me

Wowowow what?!?? I just did all that. And for months, the app was telling me I would have to do something. I had never done before and to just do it like don’t be afraid. Because that’s how I usually operate in the world would be oh my God there she is with her new boyfriend I am going to hide. Does all this make sense? It’s really weird how this one app kinda lines up a lot with the shit that’s going on for me.

Aug 03, 2024 3:47:07 PM Me

Hey

Aug 03, 2024 3:54:32 PM Me

Feeling super lost right now. Done practicing darts. Clueless what to do next. I could dash but I’ll wait for dinner hours. I’m just super alone. Even with coming here, it just distracts me from all the other plates I’m spinning.

Aug 03, 2024 3:54:53 PM Me

Now practice is over I go back into reality

Aug 03, 2024 3:55:16 PM Me

Aug 03, 2024 5:10:51 PM Me

This is my job hunting issue in a nutshell

Aug 03, 2024 5:13:30 PM Me

This

Aug 03, 2024 6:15:07 PM Me

Wondering how you are? Weird for you to be this quiet 🤫

Aug 03, 2024 7:04:34 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Long day on the river

Aug 03, 2024 7:04:50 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Just got back to 🏕️

Aug 03, 2024 7:05:12 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Phone about out of power

Aug 03, 2024 7:38:23 PM ⇲ Me

Cool. Just nice to hear back and know ur ok

Aug 03, 2024 7:39:05 PM ⇲ Me

Usually when I download like that you’ll acknowledge at the least So was a touch weird

Aug 03, 2024 7:38:23 PM ⇱ Me

Cool. Just nice to hear back and know ur ok
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 03, 2024 7:39:05 PM ⇱ Me

Usually when I download like that you’ll acknowledge at the least So was a touch weird
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 03, 2024 7:39:43 PM Me

Going for beach walk right now. Feet on sand to ground myself and soak up negative ions

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Aug 03, 2024 9:01:15 PM Me

Despite the beautiful evening I had tonight, I felt alone Another weekend of life goes by and I’m sleeping in my car. At least for the time being.

Aug 03, 2024 9:02:10 PM Me

Meaning may not have a car much longer

Aug 03, 2024 9:02:41 PM Me

Then just an even harder climb back.

Aug 03, 2024 9:03:39 PM Me

K, getting dark here. Getting in car for the night. Can’t shake the overwhelming feeling of loneliness

Aug 03, 2024 9:04:10 PM Me

Why I’m in an episode of black mirror inside my life

Aug 03, 2024 9:06:04 PM (Read by you after 54 seconds) +13038752587

One I love you Two You are loved Three everything shifts when you live you

Aug 03, 2024 9:11:56 PM ⇲ Me

There’s something about losing the love of the woman who you’d do and did anything for whom you love with every fiber of your being

Aug 03, 2024 9:08:07 PM Me

Yeah, well that’s a problem No easy solution I can say it But do I feel it the way I feel love for others No

Aug 03, 2024 9:09:25 PM Me

I’ve accepted that this is how things are. I just want to get out of the car. Eat a hot meal, and not worry about someone fucking with you overnight

Aug 03, 2024 9:09:46 PM Me

Or thinking about where I’m gonna park the car tonight, which is something I’m thinking about right now

Aug 03, 2024 9:10:17 PM Me

I’ve been in this too long. It’s normal to me now. I don’t want it to be, but it feels that way.

Aug 03, 2024 9:11:56 PM ⇱ Me

There’s something about losing the love of the woman who you’d do and did anything for whom you love with every fiber of your being
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 03, 2024 9:12:29 PM Me

That’s hard. Really hard seeing how long we’re together

Aug 03, 2024 9:12:54 PM Me

Some days I just don’t want to go on

Aug 03, 2024 9:13:52 PM Me

I know tomorrow will hurt like today. I know there’s more rejection coming. Both repeatable many times over

Aug 03, 2024 9:14:38 PM Me

| So much so they are part of normal. I can count on crawling tomorrow and I can also count on having a little pity party and also being a bitch to myself
Edited 17 seconds later | So much so they are part of normal. I can count on crying tomorrow and I can also count on having a little pity party and also being a bitch to myself

Aug 03, 2024 9:16:55 PM Me

I just have no life dude. I don’t have a job. I don’t have a family to hang out with. I don’t have a place I fucking live. I don’t have a toilet I don’t have much Do you get it? Or see it? Sometimes I feel like I’m just talking to the fucking wall and nobody understands me like I’m some kind of fucking alien or shit

Aug 03, 2024 9:59:31 PM ⇲ +13038752587

I get it I know loneliness I have not truly known homelessness but have been homeless I have been without a job I have had my heart broken All of this is to say I have an idea of what you are going through but not the exact mix you are dealing with. No one can truly walk in another shoes. I know this It’s all up to you

Aug 03, 2024 9:21:35 PM Me

Bit of a mess right now, crying my eyes out in the car

Aug 03, 2024 9:22:06 PM Me

I have to accept the fact that maybe things aren’t gonna work out for me. Maybe the rest of this existence is a continuous uphill battle for me.?

Aug 03, 2024 9:23:10 PM Me

Huge part of this is the depression. This existence triggers my depression on a daily basis. It’s like a stick poking me every day reminding me OK I need to leave this parking lot and drive to another.

Aug 03, 2024 9:23:29 PM Me

Ps I’m sorry to bother you

Aug 03, 2024 9:23:52 PM Me

Maybe I text rant with the suicide line people

Aug 03, 2024 9:24:47 PM Me

I’ve been thinking about that a lot again past couple days I don’t know it comes and goes just like the intense bouts of depression. I think I am depressed 24 seven another words my normal is depression, and then I have these incredible spikes where you’ve read my text messages I fucking mental and I’m ready to jump off a building.

Aug 03, 2024 9:25:20 PM Me

So for me, my baseline is depression. That’s my normal.

Aug 03, 2024 9:25:59 PM Me

I’m on a lot of meds and I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I shouldn’t be getting caught up in the thought loops then again I’m trying to process this shit. I guess I don’t know. I’m tired and confused.

Aug 03, 2024 9:26:36 PM Me

I wake up at really weird times like today. I think I was up at 5:30 or six in the first hour of the day blew my fucking head off seeing Jenica and especially with another guy right?

Aug 03, 2024 9:28:02 PM Me

Seeing that confirmed to me she’s definitely past me, or she’s trying to forget me. She seemed pissed off to see me. I could hear it in her voice which made me sad

Aug 03, 2024 9:28:27 PM Me

Good night

Aug 03, 2024 9:59:31 PM ⇱ +13038752587

I get it I know loneliness I have not truly known homelessness but have been homeless I have been without a job I have had my heart broken All of this is to say I have an idea of what you are going through but not the exact mix you are dealing with. No one can truly walk in another shoes. I know this It’s all up to you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 04, 2024 7:06:41 AM Me

I’m up before 6 Jenica in my head. I don’t want to think about her but she’s in my head. I consciously got mad at myself and said stay in the present DONT GO BACKWARDS And it doesn’t seem to change anything. Mind still thinking of her. WTF???

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:03 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Feel the feelings without judgement then let them go

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:23 AM ⇲ Me

👋

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:29 AM ⇲ Me

💩

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:42 AM ⇲ Me

On a cone day!

Aug 04, 2024 7:07:03 AM Me

I’m already tired and it’s 6am

Aug 04, 2024 7:09:23 AM Me

I’ll say it, this isn’t going to end Or it won’t end well

Aug 04, 2024 7:10:00 AM Me

Either way I lose

Aug 04, 2024 7:10:32 AM Me

I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me.

Aug 04, 2024 7:12:01 AM Me

Instead of seeing possibility with the day ahead, I see a day of misery ahead. I wake up with that in my head every day today is just gonna be another horrible fucking day, deal with it

Aug 04, 2024 8:42:12 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

And this is what you experience A mindset shift is necessary every time

Aug 04, 2024 7:13:25 AM Me

Other than sleeping in a bed for a week I have nothing good about summer. Hell I don’t even know it’s summer

Aug 04, 2024 7:15:58 AM Me

| Having to rebuild my entire life is too much to ask I don’t want it And I don’t want it Only end up with more of what I have now, not much, other than breathing
Edited 13 seconds later | Having to rebuild my entire life is too much to ask I don’t want to And I don’t want it Only end up with more of what I have now, not much, other than breathing

Aug 04, 2024 7:18:22 AM Me

It’s fair to say I’ve mentally given up. I’m simply trying to survive to the next day. Over and over again to what end? Misery. Can’t do this anymore

Aug 04, 2024 7:19:42 AM Me

I really have had enough of this experience and existence

Aug 04, 2024 7:21:17 AM Me

I’m about to be three car payments behind. I’m late on storage. I’m late on car insurance and I’m late on my cell phone.

Aug 04, 2024 7:21:43 AM Me

I’m racing to end

Aug 04, 2024 7:23:43 AM Me

I’m not making any progress Treading Water and that’s not good enough so… When you can’t play a game anymore, you usually stop playing the game why would you want to keep playing the game? Exactly what I’m thinking

Aug 04, 2024 7:23:59 AM Me

Game over

Aug 04, 2024 7:24:57 AM Me

K, have to spend time trying to find a toilet to start the day, and hope I don’t shit my pants before I find one

Aug 04, 2024 7:25:43 AM Me

Thought just came to mind, if I had any courage, I’d already be gone

Aug 04, 2024 8:47:18 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 41 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

That is not courage, that is the opposite of courage. Courage is fighting the battle against all odds.

Aug 04, 2024 7:27:17 AM Me

So true

Aug 04, 2024 7:59:14 AM Me

There’s a $10 buy in tournament today for darts. I honestly don’t feel like going and it’s one of the only things I like to do. Depression is pressing hard today

Aug 04, 2024 8:22:51 AM Me

I don’t know why but today feels extra hard

Aug 04, 2024 8:23:11 AM Me

And it’s an hour and a half later and I’m still sitting in the same spot

Aug 04, 2024 8:24:09 AM Me

I feel too tired to be any type of creative

Aug 04, 2024 8:24:49 AM Me

Ok i’m about to move my car and start surviving today

Aug 04, 2024 8:32:42 AM Me

Maybe I’ll go to darts and watch. Don’t have $10 to play

Aug 04, 2024 8:37:43 AM Me

My brain just keeps going…

Aug 04, 2024 8:39:02 AM Me

So… DoorDash Follow up with Greg Research for GroopX applications Work on new website strategy and design

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:03 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Feel the feelings without judgement then let them go
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:06 AM Me

Dart website too

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:23 AM ⇱ Me

👋
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:29 AM ⇱ Me

💩
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:42 AM ⇱ Me

On a cone day!
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 04, 2024 8:42:12 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

And this is what you experience A mindset shift is necessary every time
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 04, 2024 8:47:18 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 41 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

That is not courage, that is the opposite of courage. Courage is fighting the battle against all odds.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 04, 2024 8:47:20 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 04, 2024 9:00:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m not driving. I’m sitting in Starbucks

Aug 04, 2024 9:00:36 AM Me

phone was wrong

Aug 04, 2024 9:02:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I’m beginning to feel the walls closing in. Too many bills due. Client money will help, but I’m still behind 8 ball. Feel frozen on where to spend time/energy? I spend it doordashing I’m not looking for a gig and vice versa. I CANT job search in the car while dashing. I’ve tried to, its too distruptive and too many distractions.

Aug 04, 2024 9:02:56 AM Me

You know

Aug 04, 2024 9:03:32 AM Me

maybe I’m just meant to not be happy. maybe the best has passed maybe as good as it gets has come and gone

Aug 04, 2024 9:03:42 AM Me

those are all plausible

Aug 04, 2024 9:04:02 AM Me

not going to put on a shiny happy positive optimistic face

Aug 04, 2024 9:04:05 AM Me

I’m being real

Aug 04, 2024 9:04:47 AM Me

trying to convince myself otherwise, is no different than the argument against suicide.

Aug 04, 2024 9:05:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“stick around, things will get better” Sticking around isnt the problem Proof that things will get better is

Aug 04, 2024 9:06:17 AM Me

If someone said, you can have the life of your dreams if you’re willing to do ‘X” X being well defined.

Aug 04, 2024 9:06:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sure no prob, I’m in because there are edges and I know it will end.

Aug 04, 2024 9:07:58 AM Me

What I’m hearing is You can have the life of your dreams but you have to be in your situation for an unknown duration a week,if your willing to survive

Aug 04, 2024 9:09:59 AM Me

What I’m hearing is You can have the life of your dreams but you have to be in your situation for an unknown duration a week, a month, a year, a five years, who knows?!?!?!?!? just have to be willing to survive knowing there are no edges and no end in sight?

Aug 04, 2024 9:13:02 AM Me

In a liminal space been here long walls are friends invisible to most I feel less than mostly. not good enough.

Aug 04, 2024 9:13:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Reejeckshun

Aug 04, 2024 9:14:31 AM Me

inn vis ibl

Aug 04, 2024 9:14:53 AM Me

deep ress ionn

Aug 04, 2024 9:15:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

suff er ing

Aug 04, 2024 9:17:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyhow.

Aug 04, 2024 9:18:13 AM Me

i’m a mental handful. I’ll be over here.

Aug 04, 2024 9:18:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

go have fun with your family

Aug 04, 2024 9:20:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have to stop doing this to you. I’m aware of it, the intensity and probably a giant feeling of helplessness because not in person. If I put myself in the hypothetical I would be FRUSTRATED but would’t share it with you. Harmful, I get it. I’ll start a new note in Notion and scream into that

Aug 04, 2024 9:20:51 AM Me

Its more just getting it out of my head than anything else. Keeping it in makes it worse

Aug 04, 2024 9:23:24 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Keep getting it out if your head

Aug 04, 2024 9:23:40 AM Me

I should have been doing that during my relationship. I’d probably have a couple books worth of material from 30 years, ya think? Fuck, reminds me about 1998 thinking “why the fuck would I start a blog, nobody gives a shit about what I think.” If only I had it would be an amazing repository of work, projects, experiences, and moments many of which are totally lost in the mental archives. At this time I would find it interesting to say “5 years ago today… 10 years ago today… 20 years ago today… 30 years ago today…” Every day gives you these signposts looking back. Really powerful

Aug 04, 2024 9:24:08 AM Me

all lost

Aug 04, 2024 9:24:11 AM Me

oh well

Aug 04, 2024 9:24:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its like I dont know what the fuck to do with myself

Aug 04, 2024 9:24:43 AM Me

what to work on?

Aug 04, 2024 9:24:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

worried that wrong focus will add to my crash and burn

Aug 04, 2024 9:25:25 AM Me

forget all the other bullshit how do I not fall off the cliff?

Aug 04, 2024 9:25:46 AM Me

my toes feel like their wigging over the edge.

Aug 04, 2024 9:26:57 AM Me

sux to have ideas and not be able to make them real

Aug 04, 2024 9:27:17 AM Me

good at starting shit, suck at finish and follow thru

Aug 04, 2024 9:30:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

all my shit is trauma based from childhood. even though I’m confident in my processing things from then, any current event can be a trigger, right? We face triggers all day long. A MAJORITY of my triggers activate old wounds. There is a moment where the subconscious takes over and it becomes automatic transition into vortex thinking of some kind.

Aug 04, 2024 9:30:55 AM Me

Awareness never really has a chance to survive that wave when it comes in. (been watching lots of waves)

Aug 04, 2024 9:31:08 AM Me

Just overwhelm

Aug 04, 2024 9:32:22 AM Me

Anyhow, I want to see if I can do anything creative this morning. Something other than checking email, applying, worrying, crying, or driving hours of doordash in silence, alone.

Aug 04, 2024 9:34:54 AM Me

One perception I’ll add. People are on all types of spectrums. Mental, financial, etc. Not everyone can be on the awesome side of “life” There are people who are on the shit end of the curve Its real, I see them, I am them.

Aug 04, 2024 9:37:27 AM Me

Obviously I wasnt awake when I was married and raising kids. Lost in my anxiety and depression 24/7 without even knowing it — it was my baseline ‘normal’ and I just kept accepting less and less from Liz. I’m as much to blame as her. Takes 2 to tango, and I know because I’ve actually tangoed with Liz during dance lessons. Sucks to be awake now and not get your life back. I mean it would be another episode of Black Mirror if Liz suddenly had a change of heart and wanted me back. Amirite?

Aug 04, 2024 10:20:41 AM Me

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Word.

Aug 04, 2024 10:29:14 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

somtimes I wonder what my life would have been like without the childhood trauma, anxiety and depression.

Aug 04, 2024 10:30:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

for about 10 secs, then on to something else. probably ripping thru 10-20 thoughts per minute in the morning.

Aug 04, 2024 10:30:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no wonder I’m dead tired in a few hours

Aug 04, 2024 10:31:26 AM Me

frustrated too. dont want to doordash I want to chill out because stress but have to go stress about making money endless fucking loop

Aug 04, 2024 10:32:16 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

when you feel no progress… you start to question why the fuck you’re doing it.

Aug 04, 2024 10:33:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wake up every day and already know what my day is going to be like not much changes

Aug 04, 2024 10:33:48 AM Me

probably why I wake up and my mind’s in the toilet in the first hour of the day

Aug 04, 2024 10:34:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

it makes things feel hopeless when you dont see or feel any progress or movement

Aug 04, 2024 10:34:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

especially when you’ve applied to as many things as I have. I stopped counting and keeping track — that was stressing me out.

Aug 04, 2024 10:35:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

need $10 to play darts today 🙁 that’s probaly hour to 1.5 hours and 2 deliveries door dashing

Aug 04, 2024 10:36:17 AM Me

Then I have $10. That’s a realistic estimate

Aug 04, 2024 10:39:47 AM Me

Adobe Joseph, act now to avoid account suspension. We discovered a billing issue on 08/04/2024. Please review and update your payment details in Adobe Account Management before 08/20/2024: Another wall closing in.

Aug 04, 2024 11:02:16 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I just discovered broken links on my website case studies. You can access them

Aug 04, 2024 11:02:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

🙁

Aug 04, 2024 11:02:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

makes me really sad to think how many ppl hit that and said, “oh well…”

Aug 04, 2024 11:02:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fuck…

Aug 04, 2024 11:03:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, know what I’m doing next couple hours now.

Aug 04, 2024 11:03:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no darts. cant fix this and make money. all good that’s life

Aug 04, 2024 11:04:11 AM Me

this is how my days go. something blows up, then I’m on it for rest of day. end up not getting everything done I want to and then I enter the mental vortex

Aug 04, 2024 11:04:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wash, rinse, repeat 🙁

Aug 04, 2024 1:23:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

LInks should be all ok. Updated Resume color to match website. They were color disconnected.

Aug 04, 2024 1:23:25 PM Me

only shit I would notice.

Aug 04, 2024 1:23:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, going to go watch darts

Aug 04, 2024 1:23:48 PM Me

take a break for a couple hours, then more computer and dash.

Aug 04, 2024 1:24:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW I can feel the pre cursors to MASSIVE panic attack This website thing makes me realize my last interview they were looking at a badly broken website. Not like one thing, benefit of the doubt. Talking widespread.

Aug 04, 2024 1:25:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No bueno. Makes it hurt more.

Aug 04, 2024 1:25:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, have to try and stop shaking like a leaf. My hands are trembling and I feel like I need to get the fuck out of here.

Aug 04, 2024 1:25:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😊

Aug 04, 2024 1:25:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

good time

Aug 04, 2024 1:27:15 PM Me

if you could click thru just to make sure I’m good that would be appreciated

Aug 04, 2024 1:27:25 PM Me

Bert Mahoney — Designing complex ideas into compelling digital solutions from 0 to 1.

Aug 04, 2024 1:32:25 PM Me

Today may be the first time in this entire experience where I’ve legitimately felt scared of the future

Aug 04, 2024 1:32:44 PM Me

I’m feeling it right now and my eyes can’t stop leaking water

Aug 04, 2024 1:33:24 PM Me

I cannot go another peg lower on Maslovs pyramid

Aug 04, 2024 1:45:23 PM Me

Fuck Anxiety

Aug 04, 2024 1:48:19 PM Me

And I don’t have an answer to why I’m here. This period of time all of this bullshit makes no fucking sense. It just makes me bitter and angry and resent everything.

Aug 04, 2024 1:49:34 PM Me

I really have no purpose right now other than suffering. That’s all my experiences right now every day and I choose to be happy but that to me it’s just being fucking delusional about my situation.

Aug 04, 2024 1:50:32 PM Me

I’m gonna go hang around the dark people because I’m honestly scared about hanging out by myself

Aug 04, 2024 1:51:53 PM Me

I feel like I’m nearing some kind of tipping point, but I don’t know what the fuck that is

Aug 04, 2024 1:52:34 PM Me

I’m just sitting here thinking of myself I make no fucking sense. So lost.

Aug 04, 2024 7:22:10 PM Me

Jenica back in my head agin

Aug 04, 2024 7:24:46 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Do some serious meditation 🧘 To get to the place of nothing Sit in the emptiness

Aug 04, 2024 7:27:36 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Aug 04, 2024 7:27:38 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 04, 2024 7:28:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 11 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Embrace it the moose. She is!

Aug 04, 2024 7:28:54 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Embrace the moose. She IS!

Aug 04, 2024 8:40:25 PM Me

It’s gonna take someone extremely special and/or unique to top her. She is a one of a kind I won’t find another woman even close to her.

Aug 04, 2024 9:05:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

You will find even a greater partner

Aug 04, 2024 8:52:57 PM Me

I just bought food. I’m putting 10 bucks in the battery, I’ve got $20 bill in my pocket from Darts and this is my balance, I need 45 to pay the phone on Wednesday so right now I got four extra bucks. What’s worrying is that I’ve emailed Greg three times now and have not heard back from him which is weird. He’s a marine and not the kind of guy that slacks on shit. He’s pretty punctual. At least that’s my impression of him and I’ve met him in person and spent probably about a good 56 hours with him He flies a lot. I don’t know. I don’t know if there’s been any airline issues or incidents but it’s just weird.

Aug 04, 2024 8:59:29 PM Me

10.72 dinner

Aug 04, 2024 8:59:50 PM Me

And that’s super dirt cheap. I’m buying the cheapest shit I can find.

Aug 04, 2024 9:00:08 PM Me

It’s a big change from my days of eating tri-tip in organic vegetables every night of the week

Aug 04, 2024 9:01:57 PM Me

I mean, that’s probably something I miss the most is just eating halfway decent food. I eat a lot of reconstituted chicken and reconstituted turkey and it’s fucking gross. If I ever get a job again I will never eat that shit ever again in my life. I’d rather eat hard-boiled eggs

Aug 04, 2024 9:04:05 PM Me

Another thought came to mind and that was way back when when I moved out here from New York I would’ve had a job and been moving into an apartment. If that were the case, I’d be with Jenica still because having your shit together financially was important to her you know you had to have a fucking job at and place at the very least and I didn’t if I had a 40 hour a week job at fucking 7-Eleven and rented a room somewhere she probably would’ve stayed with me, just have to pay for it I mean it breaks my fucking heart that’s what happened. I got a respect her because she’s got fucking standards right but I for whatever fucking reason can’t fucking deal. Just big fucking loser vibes. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fucking get over that

Aug 04, 2024 9:04:34 PM Me

It’s like I’ve never been not allowed to be with somebody because I didn’t have money

Aug 04, 2024 9:05:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

You will find even a greater partner
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 04, 2024 9:05:32 PM Me

Just fucked up and it hurts a lot. It hurts deeply because she had IT, she had it. And like I said, she was amazingly special and I don’t think that person exists

Aug 04, 2024 9:06:14 PM Me

I don’t think that’s gonna happen dude. Two introverted and what not Think about it. I would’ve never walked up to Liz in introduced myself not in 1 million years.

Aug 04, 2024 9:07:17 PM Me

I see really amazing attractive women every fucking day out here and I look at their hands and I don’t see wedding rings. I’m so tempted to introduce myself and I honestly think I have the nuts to do it. But I can’t in good conscience put myself out there with my situation the way it is I can’t try to be in a relationship when I don’t have a fucking job. It’s just not possible.

Aug 04, 2024 9:07:28 PM +13038752587

I’m going to share wisdom with you. We don’t have one soul mate. Many of the souls of the world form connections

Aug 04, 2024 9:07:41 PM Me

Like I’m so fucking lonely and I wanna hang out with somebody but I can’t put myself out there when I don’t have resources

Aug 04, 2024 9:07:59 PM Me

It’s that every day over and over

Aug 04, 2024 9:08:17 PM Me

That is at the pit of what eats at me every fucking day is not having resources to get shit done

Aug 04, 2024 9:08:57 PM Me

It’s really hard for me to get motivated for ephemeral things when I have to figure out how to eat every day and I don’t know where I’m gonna take a shit or sleep

Aug 04, 2024 9:10:06 PM Me

I mean, I honestly don’t know what fucking day it is unless I look at my phone. I’m just so disconnected from everything just everything. People Society Businesses

Aug 04, 2024 9:10:19 PM Me

I feel cast off

Aug 04, 2024 9:10:24 PM Me

Thrown away

Aug 04, 2024 9:10:29 PM Me

Discarded

Aug 04, 2024 9:11:37 PM Me

Sitting in my car in a parking lot staring at the floor. No music no sound Just silence and clicking out

Aug 04, 2024 9:11:54 PM Me

It’s a trauma response

Aug 04, 2024 9:12:14 PM Me

Thing is This entire experience is traumatizing

Aug 04, 2024 9:14:09 PM Me

A job would be nice but I still have so fucking far to go Like I said years ago I don’t want to rebuild my life. I’d be happy being alone if I had Maslows pyramid of bacics. Looking at that the other day, and I realized that I’ve never gotten above the second tier in my life and there’s like five or six tears like I’ve never gotten to the happy part of life

Aug 04, 2024 9:14:53 PM Me

Going to try and do one art thing before parking and sleeping.

Aug 04, 2024 9:15:09 PM Me

Woke up at 5:30 with Jenica on mind

Aug 04, 2024 9:25:29 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

I love you. Phone almost out of power Need to find electric power tomorrow

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Aug 04, 2024 9:46:28 PM Me

YouTube

Aug 04, 2024 9:46:36 PM Me

Cool

Aug 05, 2024 7:46:24 AM Me

👋

Aug 05, 2024 7:47:41 AM Me

Good morning

Aug 05, 2024 7:49:17 AM Me

Still waiting to hear back from Greg. I’m beginning to wonder what is up.

Aug 05, 2024 8:08:46 AM Me

I texted him and waiting to hear back

Aug 05, 2024 8:08:55 AM Me

Hope he’s ok

Aug 05, 2024 8:14:14 AM Me

Wow

Aug 05, 2024 8:14:34 AM Me

Just got hit with the cricket bat of emotions

Aug 05, 2024 8:16:08 AM Me

Realizing “I’m not good enough” Is really true. If I was good enough I’d be with Jenica and be in control of my life. Instead I’m constantly being shown how I’m not good enough on a daily basis

Aug 05, 2024 8:17:03 AM Me

I’m a loser baby

Aug 05, 2024 8:17:32 AM Me

So why don’t ya kill me.

Aug 05, 2024 8:17:51 AM Me

Rather I’ll need to kill me.

Aug 05, 2024 8:18:12 AM Me

Going to meditate on this right now

Aug 05, 2024 8:21:10 AM Me

.. Why is everyday an hour or two of mentally kicking my ass hard, crying, letting held back emotions out. Honestly I think I could sit and cry all day long if I let it go I always feel the need to collect it and get shit together and move on

Aug 05, 2024 8:22:02 AM Me

My whole life I’ve “hurried up” or just stuffed it down and tried to forget

Aug 05, 2024 8:22:12 AM Me

It’s all come back

Aug 05, 2024 8:22:36 AM Me

50+ years is a lot of 💩

Aug 05, 2024 9:11:23 AM Me

—-

Aug 05, 2024 9:11:32 AM Me

Lost a $20 bill I had

Aug 05, 2024 9:11:54 AM Me

That was food and charging

Aug 05, 2024 9:12:10 AM Me

Every fucking day

Aug 05, 2024 10:14:03 AM Me

That was my dart win money, so bummed

Aug 05, 2024 10:23:44 AM Me

All of this

Aug 05, 2024 11:03:10 AM (Read by them after 1 day, 2 hours, 19 minutes, 12 seconds) Me

Hey.

Aug 05, 2024 11:04:33 AM (Read by them after 1 day, 2 hours, 17 minutes, 49 seconds) Me

I texted Greg, my client this am. And i head back. 🙏 just followed up on text and forwarded him the thread. told him I was grateful to hear back because I know he flys ALOT and the mind can wander… Anyhow, comms loop is closed with him.

Aug 05, 2024 11:09:02 AM (Read by them after 1 day, 2 hours, 13 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

pray for me that I find that $20 in the sleeping bag or somewhere else in the car. The idea it fell out of my pocket makes me want to cry. $20 is like $200 to me Two benjamins falling out your pocket would sting just a little. That’s a good meal for 2 @ 200. Or its a #1 double-double at in-n-out, with change

Aug 05, 2024 11:14:21 AM (Read by them after 1 day, 2 hours, 8 minutes, 1 second) Me

— Observation, because I was just spacing out. Last night, good darts, lots of compliments and high fives. I came in 2nd. Bert’s conditioned thinking ditch he’s fallen into his entire life with no awareness… Not Good Enough. 2nd place is the 1st Place Loser.

Aug 05, 2024 11:15:08 AM (Read by them after 1 day, 2 hours, 7 minutes, 18 seconds) Me

Reinforced with the thinking this morning of not being good enough to have a gig and missed out on being with an AMAZING woman. Fuck I’m crying again after writing that.

Aug 05, 2024 11:18:15 AM (Read by them after 1 day, 2 hours, 4 minutes, 7 seconds) Me

People stare at me watching the tears come down my face as I keep looking at these letters and words show up on the screen as I think them. It’s wild because when I think of a word my hands auto-pilot a pattern. This what musicians must feel when they get to the patterns being in the subconscious. Cool Anyhow, above is prime example of the incredible ways in which my mind will wander off onto some estoteric or existential thread.

Aug 05, 2024 11:19:28 AM (Read by them after 1 day, 2 hours, 2 minutes, 58 seconds) Me

as I stare out the widow and watch traffic at the intersection do the patterned dance and game of “red light, green light”

Aug 05, 2024 12:03:31 PM Me

Feeling anxiety high in my chest. I'll try meditation

Aug 05, 2024 12:06:05 PM Me

Aug 05, 2024 12:06:18 PM Me

Wow

Aug 05, 2024 12:52:29 PM Me

Meditation was good. Went outside and went thru everything and no $20 bill Not losing my shit, just disappointed in myself that I could allow this to happen. that’s an hour or more of DoorDash My sense of time money and value is fucked up now.

Aug 05, 2024 12:52:43 PM Me

$20 is a lot of money for me

Aug 05, 2024 12:55:42 PM Me

No idea what this means. Nothing really just what we assign. Ready to pause what exactly? And that last part

Aug 05, 2024 12:58:55 PM Me

Aug 05, 2024 1:01:04 PM Me

So confused Romance?!? Right! 🤣🤣🤣 What a joke

Aug 05, 2024 1:06:54 PM (Read by them after 1 day, 15 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

got an email from DoorDash: Joseph, you've unlocked 30% off DoorDash Its so I can order food and have it delivered. Thing is I can’t afford it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aug 05, 2024 2:06:54 PM (Read by them after 23 hours, 15 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

could you take a look at this idea?

Aug 05, 2024 2:06:56 PM (Read by them after 23 hours, 15 minutes, 37 seconds) Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F14EeRfZ58gSDsbvNDOXWF3IV-4SzDoJnkZo8PzODX_3A%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&followup=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F14EeRfZ58gSDsbvNDOXWF3IV-4SzDoJnkZo8PzODX_3A%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&ifkv=AdF4I77QJyiwmvDQQA9lXrck5xF55PKir_n2i4BfJ-LV725Ul3l-gcdJRx4NEbAeUlbszzg7yana<mpl=docs&osid=1&passive=1209600&service=wise&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S1578673780%3A1722888415028819

Aug 05, 2024 2:07:26 PM (Read by them after 23 hours, 15 minutes, 8 seconds) Me

Use this link.

Aug 05, 2024 2:07:28 PM (Read by them after 23 hours, 15 minutes, 7 seconds) Me

Google Docs

Aug 05, 2024 2:15:14 PM Me

5 panels. Dynamic text on one side, imagery/graphics on the other Trying to speak to their pain points

Aug 05, 2024 2:15:29 PM Me

Would be new homepage

Aug 05, 2024 2:29:15 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 53 minutes, 20 seconds) Me

Been fixing little padding + margin issues through out responsiveness

Aug 05, 2024 2:29:26 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 53 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

suspect some of this may be costing me interviews

Aug 05, 2024 2:29:43 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 52 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

k, Been here 5 hours. Need to go walk

Aug 05, 2024 2:30:10 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 52 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

get outside, meditate again, then come back to work on VCDA.org Dart website. Need to push on that for about an hour.

Aug 05, 2024 2:30:43 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 51 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

Then if you’re back to me on the homepage I may push on that. Just dont want to spin my wheels and I dont think my site is doing a good job at standing out in the sea of sameness.

Aug 05, 2024 2:30:49 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 51 minutes, 46 seconds) Me

you know what I mean.

Aug 05, 2024 2:31:02 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 51 minutes, 33 seconds) Me

ok, i’ll be on the phone.

Aug 05, 2024 2:31:58 PM (Read by them after 22 hours, 50 minutes, 38 seconds) Me

still stressed about money. Even with greg paying me I’m still coming up short by hundreds of dollars. I can doordash however beginning to get concerned about the car. its making noises that dont sound good.

Aug 05, 2024 6:33:15 PM Me

OK, I’ve sat at Starbucks by the beach long enough. I’m headed to the park and walking and meditating. today has been probably the most challenging day I’ve ever had in trying to focus on the computer and do stuff. I’m noticing that it’s slowly getting harder and harder for me to spend extended periods of time on the laptop now. I’m guessing it’s a side effect of my situation and stress. What I hope it’s not is some kind of aging thing. OK, hope everything’s all right. Haven’t heard from you all day.

Aug 05, 2024 8:13:24 PM Me

https://www.assurancewireless.com/partner/ca-bwin

Aug 05, 2024 8:13:25 PM Me

Just applied I should be able to get free cell phone service 6 GB of data a month and a free smart phone zero dollars per month. I just applied.

Aug 05, 2024 10:08:08 PM Me

I am feeling sadness and loneliness They loom large at night

Aug 05, 2024 10:13:03 PM Me

and come to think of it they loom every night and have for years with the exception of my time with Jenica. I felt lonely inside my marriage going back to at least 2016. I can remember that.

Aug 05, 2024 10:13:42 PM Me

By 2019 things were not good. I was severely depressed and she was ignoring me and ghosting me.

Aug 05, 2024 10:21:20 PM Me

I know why I am alone right now and probably why the universe didn’t let me stay with Jenica. And that is the fear I would fall into codependency with her. That I have not learned to be by myself and love myself. To love being by myself. Which honestly I really do love being by myself, But that’s it, ONLY by myself. Holy shit that’s a good looking woman with beautiful legs I’m sitting in the parking lot of the supermarket and I just walked this incredible brunette with lovely legs walk to her car it was like weston seeing a beautiful squirrel anyhow the loneliness stems from being by myself 24 seven 365. I don’t have any friends or anybody to hang out with so it’s pretty fucking lonely and the people at Darts are dark people there acquaintances I would consider them friends but friends to me are people I do everything with not just one thing not sure if that makes a damn bit of sense but anyway I am going shopping for a few things and then I think I’m parking the car for the night

Aug 05, 2024 10:21:38 PM Me

I really do hope everything is OK and that you and all the ladies in your life are good

Aug 06, 2024 8:19:18 AM Me

👋

Aug 06, 2024 8:19:46 AM Me

Another morning and still the same bullshit

Aug 06, 2024 8:20:28 AM Me

Welcome to my current version of living hell, im bert and I’ll be your host

Aug 06, 2024 8:22:07 AM Me

Believe me no one is actively trying to get closer to me

Aug 06, 2024 12:46:31 PM Me

Really sucks when you’re standing in line because they don’t have self checkout open and the line is really long and you get a message on your phone saying the car is not charging so we’re gonna charge you money for it sitting there parked not letting other people charge. So I have to just drop my shit and leave the store because I can’t afford that

Aug 06, 2024 12:46:52 PM Me

Everyday bullshit

Aug 06, 2024 1:06:40 PM Me

So I’ve done a couple of hours of work already and hour and a half of DoorDash and I don’t know I’m having a hard time getting through every day. My physical reality and circumstances create a giant challenge to get my head in a space of being OK or Feeling happy. Until I can get a roof over my head and a job there is no happy. In fact there’s not a lot. Everything I want rejects me. Elizabeth, all the places I’ve worked all the places I’ve applied to, Heidi and Jenica.

Aug 06, 2024 1:08:23 PM Me

Rejection Lost Lonley

Aug 06, 2024 1:09:07 PM Me

Dominate the brain pretty much 24/7. Its default now, the new normal or baseline

Aug 06, 2024 2:05:14 PM Me

🤣🤣🤣

Aug 06, 2024 2:06:33 PM Me

Believe me, you dont want me to say a word, because i have alot

Aug 06, 2024 2:07:30 PM Me

People are here standing next to a rack of reading materials. Looking like their hunting for feeble minds

Aug 06, 2024 2:07:43 PM Me

🤣🤣🤣

Aug 06, 2024 2:16:09 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Driving today - will catch up on messages later tonight

Aug 06, 2024 2:16:16 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 06, 2024 6:05:54 PM Me

Get out of the car at Darts and look down and see this and go wow that looks a lot like the headphone I’ve been missing all week. Sure enough it is. It fell out of my pocket last week and now I’m here to play and I back up right over the top of it

Aug 07, 2024 10:00:34 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey

Aug 07, 2024 10:03:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how goes it? lots moving over here. things are getting worse money-wise Owe 3 car payments, Car Insurance, Cell Phone and Storage are all due or past due. Totals over $1500. May be the end of the line for me

Aug 07, 2024 10:05:00 AM Me

No new work, no prospects, just rejection How the fuck you supposed to get work when no one will fucking hire you? (rhetorical)

Aug 07, 2024 10:05:40 AM +13038752587

Good morning

Aug 07, 2024 10:06:11 AM +13038752587

Tough spot for sure

Aug 07, 2024 10:06:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Super stressed about divorce papers. Cant get appointment to get them reviewed. Cant afford to pay a lawyer to look at them. So, I guess I just submit them and hope for hte fucking best? No idea. I have too much on the plate and feeling fractured.

Aug 07, 2024 10:06:34 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Oh well…

Aug 07, 2024 10:06:40 AM +13038752587

No get them reviewed

Aug 07, 2024 10:06:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It will be a beautiful destructive ending

Aug 07, 2024 10:06:56 AM +13038752587

Did you reach out to George

Aug 07, 2024 10:07:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

no, fighting the freeze reponse of depression that doesnt want me to help myself

Aug 07, 2024 10:07:23 AM Me

my end is coming. All too much to deal with simultaneusly

Aug 07, 2024 10:07:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

no, fighting the freeze reponse of depression that doesnt want me to help myself
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 07, 2024 10:08:13 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Stop it

Aug 07, 2024 10:08:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Despite medication, the depression stll exerts massive influence

Aug 07, 2024 10:08:29 AM +13038752587

Reach out or have Russ reach out

Aug 07, 2024 10:08:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I cant stop what I. cant control

Aug 07, 2024 10:09:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s my curse. Crystal clear awareness Not a damn thing you can do about it

Aug 07, 2024 10:09:13 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Use the tools you have taught yourself

Aug 07, 2024 10:09:38 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I do. Relief is temporary if it shows at all

Aug 07, 2024 10:10:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

When mind isnt occupied with a task, its worrying.

Aug 07, 2024 10:10:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

worrying of freezing, clicking out and staring into space for long periods of time

Aug 07, 2024 10:10:47 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Are you dashing

Aug 07, 2024 10:11:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

yes. only reminds me of my lack.

Aug 07, 2024 10:10:47 AM Me

its a trauma response

Aug 07, 2024 10:10:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m living a trauma

Aug 07, 2024 10:11:05 AM Me

ridiculous

Aug 07, 2024 10:11:20 AM +13038752587

What else can you do today to earn cash

Aug 07, 2024 10:11:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

yes. only reminds me of my lack.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 07, 2024 10:11:31 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did Greg become a ghost

Aug 07, 2024 10:11:57 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I told you he replied in this thread somewhre

Aug 07, 2024 10:12:08 AM Me

just off meeting with DJ and Vic

Aug 07, 2024 10:12:16 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did not read everything yet

Aug 07, 2024 10:13:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Woke up after 8am and hustled over here to starbucks to get on the meeting. I have less than $5 to my name right now. Maybe enough for coffee. I’ll need to doordash today to survive the day/night

Aug 07, 2024 10:13:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow… I’m going to go distract myself so I dont explode from the pressure.

Aug 07, 2024 10:15:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I live in a constant state of overwhelm, depression and fear. Living from inside a trauma response 24/7 is all normalized for me now.

Aug 07, 2024 10:16:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thing is when I’m in the middle of it I feel calm mostly because I’m used to being in the space. Its totally weird. There’s a calmness I feel but also feel the stress too

Aug 07, 2024 10:18:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If we suddenly were told an asteroid is going to destroy Earth, people would freak the fuck out. Meanwhile, I’ll be sitting in a chair with a coffee watching everyone freak out.

Aug 07, 2024 10:18:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Its like I’ve lost “shock value” Like Jane’s Addiction, “Nothing’s Shocking”

Aug 07, 2024 10:19:07 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Spotify

Aug 07, 2024 10:19:36 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

great album. that will be todays soundtrack

Aug 07, 2024 10:20:30 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

hope camping was good

Aug 07, 2024 10:30:17 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Realizing I dont want to do this anymore. Any of this. I’m sick of knowing I can kick the shit out of any role I’m applying for, yet I can’t get the time of day from someone. I’m too tired, stressed, and dealing with a mental illness to try and rally after a year and a half of this. I have to rally to make it through every day let alone our an extra 20% effort on something. I’m not operating from, or am I in a space that ANYONE else is inside of. Homeless, jobless, and divorce. If you want to know what can break you, having all that on your back for as long as I have and not seeing a shred of fucking daylight to the other side.

Aug 07, 2024 10:32:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I didnt have to take 4 medications a day to operate then yeah, maybe then I could rally and get myself out of this. I’m telling you all I can manage is survival right now. Flights of fancy are a fucking waste of time. No joy, no happiness, no respite. Every

Aug 07, 2024 10:32:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Every Day Sucks over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over

Aug 07, 2024 10:32:59 AM Me

I have over 500 days as proof

Aug 07, 2024 10:33:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m really fucking bitter too

Aug 07, 2024 10:33:38 AM Me

I’ve turned into something I dont like

Aug 07, 2024 10:35:02 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

So, life dealt me a shit hand. Not everyone gets the white fence and rocking chairs on the porch. Some people end up on the streets. Someone ends up there — and its looking like one of those spots are being saved for me to occupy.

Aug 07, 2024 10:35:39 AM Me

I have to practice acceptance

Aug 07, 2024 10:37:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve lost the ability to play this societies song and dance game. If I fight things, it makes it worse. Accept my situation. Accept my plight

Aug 07, 2024 10:37:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m already on the on-ramp to it. I can see it really well

Aug 07, 2024 10:37:59 AM Me

just curious what car reposession is like

Aug 07, 2024 10:40:41 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

I’m simply burned out from, and tired of, this situation. I’m at the point where why keep trying? trying only keeps me where I am. If I dont try things will change, maybe not how I want, but they will.

Aug 07, 2024 10:41:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Trying isn’t making change. So I’ll do some ‘not trying’ to make change.

Aug 07, 2024 10:41:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Can’t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result.

Aug 07, 2024 10:44:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know what if feels like to the marrow in my bones to be invisible and inconsequential Its what the world reflects back to me.

Aug 07, 2024 10:45:01 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I cry in a store when someone working there says “Hi sir” and simply acknowledges that I exist and that I’m standing there in a store. That’s fucked up and not normal yet its what I find myself doing all the time

Aug 07, 2024 10:46:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyhow… just a bunch of nonsense, all my rambling and bitching. Fucking weak ass bitch I am

Aug 07, 2024 10:52:40 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You are much stronger than most

Aug 07, 2024 10:53:00 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

And much stronger than you believe yourself to be

Aug 07, 2024 11:09:54 AM ⇲ Me

I feel weak and pathetic. A chicken shit afraid of his own shadow

Aug 07, 2024 10:47:52 AM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

This Sunday I house sit again for a few days. After that I have no idea what’s going on with my life. Darragh leaves the 22nd, 2 weeks.

Aug 07, 2024 10:49:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

for reference takes about 3 hours a day to make enough money to eat, and put juice in the car. Roughly $20

Aug 07, 2024 10:51:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feel like I should write an article, tell all, and post it on LinkedIn. Tell the corporate world to “suck my dick”

Aug 07, 2024 10:52:40 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You are much stronger than most
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 07, 2024 10:53:00 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

And much stronger than you believe yourself to be
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 07, 2024 10:55:26 AM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Question- are you 3 months beyond currently on your car or will be

Aug 07, 2024 11:08:02 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I am 2 months behind now, 3 is coming

Aug 07, 2024 11:09:54 AM ⇱ Me

I feel weak and pathetic. A chicken shit afraid of his own shadow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 07, 2024 11:10:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

whatever it looks like I have no idea, I know what it feels like

Aug 07, 2024 11:12:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I find myself sitting in starbucks. $1.25 to my name, and frozen in front of a laptop. Its like I have no fucking idea what to do. Don’t know where to begin. When all your efforts have gotten you NOWHERE for over a year you begin to wonder. Its impossible not to

Aug 07, 2024 11:13:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m on an amusement ride I cant get the fuck off of

Aug 07, 2024 11:15:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

today, I can alreay tell, will be fruitless in terms of getting anything “important” done. Today feels like another day of survival, not living. So, I’ll find myself here in this same shit spot tomorrow. Every day is the same.

Aug 07, 2024 11:18:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is where I’m at:

Aug 07, 2024 11:18:49 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

WebMD

Aug 07, 2024 11:21:55 AM Me

Anhedonia is the inability to feel pleasure.

Aug 07, 2024 11:22:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Most people understand what pleasure feels like. They expect certain things in life to make them happy. Maybe you enjoy riding your bike, listening to the sounds of the ocean, or holding someone's hand. But some people lose the ability to feel joy. The things that once made them content are no longer fun or enjoyable. That's anhedonia.

Aug 07, 2024 11:22:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have this 1000%

Aug 07, 2024 11:24:09 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Anytime I have a feeling that hits it, I cry uncontrollably. Like when people in a store say hi. They actually see me, I’m not invisible that is so intensely moving to me that I cry

Aug 07, 2024 11:24:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

that is fucked up

Aug 07, 2024 11:29:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

btw, take what I send with a grain of salt.

Aug 07, 2024 11:30:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m not crazy, at least yet, but the entirety of my situation is sitting fully square on my shoulders today. Its hard to turn my head left or right because. muscles are THAT tight

Aug 07, 2024 11:31:03 AM (Read by them after 13 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

It would be better if no one had to deal with this bullshit I’m generating, especially you.

Aug 07, 2024 11:31:05 AM (Read by them after 13 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

Sorry

Aug 07, 2024 11:31:48 AM (Read by them after 12 minutes, 41 seconds) Me

really feeling the “give the fuck up” vibe strong today

Aug 07, 2024 11:33:34 AM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 55 seconds) Me

I’m just tired of being this way and feeling this way. I know there is something else, but for whatever reason, I’m not allowed to have it. and of course things like this reinforce the idea, as it has MY ENTIRE LIFE, that I’m not good enough. I’ll never be able to shake that feeling as long as I have a pulse. Its in the fiber of my being

Aug 07, 2024 11:34:00 AM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 29 seconds) Me

ok, quiet time now.

Aug 07, 2024 11:34:39 AM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 50 seconds) Me

but I cant shake the feeling that removing me from the equation makes all my bullshit go away — so appealing.

Aug 07, 2024 11:35:38 AM (Read by them after 8 minutes, 51 seconds) Me

And I get it now. The idea of not living doesn’t matter when you can make all this suffering and pain stop. Having the feelings and thoughts go away is all you want.

Aug 07, 2024 11:36:49 AM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

Unless you’ve had these feelings, there’s no way to say it that I can think of. You simply know, deeply, that checking out is a positive outcome for you because things will change.

Aug 07, 2024 11:37:26 AM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 3 seconds) Me

People at large cant understand why someone would EVER take their life and I know the secret. I’m living it.

Aug 07, 2024 12:00:10 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Hey, in a few hours this storm will pass

Aug 07, 2024 12:00:23 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

I’ve been having stormy mornings for weeks now

Aug 07, 2024 12:00:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its Oscillation between states of mind, that’s all

Aug 07, 2024 12:01:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I just happen to jump from one shit state of mind to another.

Aug 07, 2024 12:01:15 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

🤣🤣🤣

Aug 07, 2024 12:02:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, I just posted to Instagram that I’m not good enough.

Aug 07, 2024 12:02:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.instagram.com/berchman/

Aug 07, 2024 12:02:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Instagram

Aug 07, 2024 12:41:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Greg emailed me back. Going to review and make tweaks as needed. I’ll keep you posted.

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Aug 07, 2024 12:42:09 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

BTW, other than having me blow up your phone, what you got on tap today?

Aug 07, 2024 12:42:21 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

You still driving, or you back in CO? Western Slope?

Aug 07, 2024 12:59:38 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Aug 07, 2024 1:08:52 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Haha. Bert: Is the light green or red? Darrell : Yes. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aug 07, 2024 1:09:36 PM Me

BTW, I have this random woman who texted me this morning. She mistakenly must have typed a number wrong. I’m seeing if its a catfish trying to con me.

Aug 07, 2024 1:20:34 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

wicked ear ringing going on

Aug 07, 2024 1:37:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

first message about my car. tears in my eyes as I send this.

Aug 07, 2024 1:37:16 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Aug 07, 2024 1:37:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Feeling the pressure BIG TIME today

Aug 07, 2024 1:37:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I knew this day was coming

Aug 07, 2024 1:42:49 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

What payment plans are available

Aug 07, 2024 1:43:02 PM Me

I’m looking into it right now.

Aug 07, 2024 1:44:58 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

Pay X up front, then split the remainder in two payments in the future, but only 2 weeks per payment. So room, but not much. Just read from Greg he can have the payment ready this Friday. Meaning I can put the cash into DoorDash bank account and then they can take $600. Remainder will pay for storage $200+ and something else I’m forgetting

Aug 07, 2024 1:45:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Going to set that up online with CapOne now for the VW and then fucking PRAY.

Aug 07, 2024 1:45:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

T-Mobile got their second payment today. Got a message this morning.

Aug 07, 2024 1:56:41 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

2 weeks from today is as far out as they will let me push this. Going to do that. Really dont have any other choice. Dont want to lose the car. I don’t want to take my mind there—too frightening for me. The “unknown” in that hole is too much to take on right now.

Aug 07, 2024 1:59:19 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Changed it to monthly. Gives me more time in between payments instead of every other week. This makes it include another payment.

Aug 07, 2024 1:59:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

less pressure

Aug 07, 2024 2:00:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, car stress can kicked down the road

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Aug 07, 2024 3:12:16 PM (Read by them after 12 minutes, 32 seconds) Me

doing my best to distract myself by working on the dart league website.

Aug 07, 2024 3:13:25 PM (Read by them after 11 minutes, 23 seconds) Me

logged into doordash and for some reason I’m not platinum status any longer, now gold. Not sure if I can dash whenever I want. If that’s changed and can only dash on times I’ve reserved I’m kinda fucked. That means back up to Ojai. Getting time slots down here is HARD.

Aug 07, 2024 3:13:41 PM (Read by them after 11 minutes, 7 seconds) Me

So making money may have just gotten harder. I’ll know more later.

Aug 07, 2024 3:13:52 PM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 56 seconds) Me

Kick one issue down the road.

Aug 07, 2024 3:14:10 PM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 38 seconds) Me

Here’s another to fuck with you more so you cant focus on important shit

Aug 07, 2024 3:15:10 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 38 seconds) Me

strong feeling to get in my car, drive to a spot in a big parking lot where I’m away from people and feel private, and just cry.

Aug 07, 2024 3:15:42 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 6 seconds) Me

Its like walking uphill in everydirection in quicksand

Aug 07, 2024 3:32:22 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 45 seconds) Me

Yeah, so I need 100 deliveries over past 30 days. So I need 5 or 6 deliveries today get back there.

Aug 07, 2024 3:32:40 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 27 seconds) Me

So basically the universe is telling me… YOU’RE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH

Aug 07, 2024 3:32:46 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 21 seconds) Me

what the actual fucking fuck

Aug 07, 2024 3:54:18 PM Me

I’m realizing in this moment and every day I wake up and my entire world is fucking crumbling. Then by miraculous intervention by the universe my world is suddenly survivable by the afternoon.

Aug 07, 2024 3:55:44 PM Me

Then by around 6 PM I have enough money to eat and put juice in my car. Then I calm the fuck down. Then I typically meditate and go for a walk feel like my shit is back together then I go to the market and eat that I’m so fucking exhausted Making myself go bananas out of control in my mind I’m wiped the fuck out. I wake up and do it all over again

Aug 07, 2024 3:56:31 PM Me

I am no doubt living the same day over and over again. And I’m the one creating it and making it a big pain in my ass every day

Aug 07, 2024 3:56:53 PM Me

I’m realizing in this moment I could choose to be cool as a fucking cucumber all day long not have any stress and still be in the same exact spot I’m in

Aug 07, 2024 3:57:03 PM Me

It is perception and perspective unquestionably

Aug 07, 2024 3:57:33 PM Me

I’m just sick of the bullshit

Aug 07, 2024 3:58:04 PM Me

Like I mean how the fuck can I have absolute clarity and then you know 10 minutes later I’m fucking drowning in what I just perfectly articulated

Aug 07, 2024 3:58:41 PM Me

| That right there is the crocs or Nexxus of my exact problem
Edited 47 seconds later | That right there is the crocs (fucking crux stupid speech to text motherfucker)or Nexxus of my exact problem

Aug 07, 2024 4:00:39 PM Me

My brain has the ability to be completely prescient. Then there’s some sort of amnesia of all knowledge and wisdom, while I fall down that fucking hole. Then after nearly killing myself literally I wake the fuck up and start all over again

Aug 07, 2024 4:01:22 PM Me

| It really is as if I’m repeating the same shit again and again and again with the slight tweak of things being different and very slightly nuanced way
Edited 18 seconds later | It really is as if I’m repeating the same shit again and again and again with the slight tweak of things being different in a very slightly nuanced way

Aug 07, 2024 4:01:55 PM Me

I know I’m beating myself over the head with a cricket bat.

Aug 07, 2024 4:02:11 PM Me

I see that I’m doing that wake up to that fact and I put the cricket bat down

Aug 07, 2024 4:03:35 PM Me

Then I’m triggered from something, I then pick up the cricket bat and start pounding myself in the head like I did previously forgetting all about the lessons learned the wisdom gained the experience of it all is somehow all forgotten. As if I never fucking lived it It’s like I can’t learn my fucking lesson and hold onto it, I have to keep beating myself with it over and over again on the head until I wake the fuck up

Aug 07, 2024 4:06:30 PM Me

It’s as if I’m a world-class teacher on how to avoid traffic when crossing the street. And every time I cross the street I get hit by a car

Aug 07, 2024 4:07:03 PM Me

I can see it and acknowledge it have complete awareness and can teach it but I can’t do it

Aug 07, 2024 4:07:15 PM Me

It’s like those 5 foot six white guys who coach in the NBA

Aug 07, 2024 4:07:37 PM Me

They can totally master the game in their head but there’s no way they could step on the court and play with guys who are six and 7 foot tall

Aug 07, 2024 4:08:09 PM Me

I’m not sure if there’s literally something missing in my brain that won’t let me hold onto these lessons because I should not be beating myself up over this shit for as long as I have

Aug 07, 2024 4:08:27 PM Me

I’m pretty sure you would agree that you’ve heard repeated themes from me

Aug 07, 2024 4:14:31 PM Me

And losing that $20 from darts hurts now

Aug 07, 2024 5:05:43 PM Me

If only…

Aug 07, 2024 5:07:19 PM Me

Closure to what?

Aug 07, 2024 5:08:27 PM Me

Taking a meditation break

Aug 07, 2024 5:09:04 PM Me

I don’t think it matters how long I meditate It’s not gonna completely shift my mind right now. I’m in one of those weird fucking places where I can’t concentrate and it’s very hard to work my brain just won’t fucking focus

Aug 07, 2024 6:01:34 PM (Read by them after 13 minutes, 53 seconds) Me

hey

Aug 07, 2024 6:02:26 PM (Read by them after 13 minutes, 1 second) Me

I understand not responding. its essentiality stokes me to continue ranting

Aug 07, 2024 6:03:02 PM (Read by them after 12 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

think its why you dont engage and I totally get it

Aug 07, 2024 6:03:35 PM (Read by them after 11 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

you’re the only person who hears from me on a daily basis. I dont even text the boys every day which is sad

Aug 07, 2024 6:31:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Texting with the Declan and super triggered by the feeling of being an outsider to what I was once a part of. The people and place hasnt changed. Only I’ve been removed. That hurts because they all feel better with me gone.

Aug 07, 2024 6:31:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

that is fact

Aug 07, 2024 6:32:38 PM (Read by them after 59 seconds) Me

I cant dash in Ventura Right now. I dont have dash anytime privledges because I didnt dash yesterday. Only day off in forever and I lost Platinum level.

Aug 07, 2024 6:32:57 PM (Read by them after 40 seconds) Me

I can dash in Ojai, but dont have the juice to get there, and dont have the money to recharge

Aug 07, 2024 6:33:03 PM (Read by them after 34 seconds) Me

fucking stuck

Aug 07, 2024 6:42:05 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

having a hard time calming down inside. lots of unsettled self right now It hurts SO FUCKING MUCH

Aug 07, 2024 7:07:27 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

chatting with someone on 988 right now

Aug 07, 2024 7:33:50 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

no doordashing available for me in Ventura, but there is in Ojai right now. If I drive up there and dont get anything I’m stuck. wont have charge to get back down here to Vta

Aug 07, 2024 7:35:28 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

I have $7.50 to my name right now. Cant charge cause charger only does $10 refills

Aug 07, 2024 7:37:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

think i’ll go take a walk at the beach, then drive up to Ojai. I’ll spend the night up there at the park and then hopefully can dash enough to get money to charge. Ojai is in the 90s every day so I dont want to stay up there. I’ll die

Aug 07, 2024 8:38:53 PM Me

It doesn’t really matter to seem what I think or what I do I just don’t wanna be alive I’m in my car driving to Ojai burning up the miles and not knowing if I’ll have enough money to fucking recharge my car. I find myself crying uncontrollably as I drive up to Ojai because I can’t stop thinking about all the rejection in my life and the rejection doesn’t stop What are you doing when nobody or no thing wants you??

Aug 07, 2024 9:48:23 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Start wanting yourself

Aug 07, 2024 9:48:56 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Do not make your life conditional on other people.

Aug 07, 2024 9:49:21 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

I love you. ❤️

Aug 07, 2024 9:49:42 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Your brother loves you 😍

Aug 07, 2024 9:49:57 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Your parents love you 🥰

Aug 07, 2024 9:51:55 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Your boys love you 😘 (Remember they are young and don’t always know how or what to do - forgive their naivety)

Aug 07, 2024 9:52:39 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

If it gets too heavy tonight call the hotline!

Aug 07, 2024 9:54:21 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Phone plugged in downstairs- I’m off to bed after long day of travel

Aug 07, 2024 10:46:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, thanks.

Aug 07, 2024 10:47:27 PM Me

saw this tonight. Not that expensive, and if I had it I’d already be taking it yesterday.

Aug 07, 2024 10:47:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://www.mindbloom.com/pricing?p=new-clients

Aug 07, 2024 10:47:45 PM Me

At home ketamine therapy

Aug 07, 2024 11:25:54 PM Me

Somehow, bargain shopping i got $14 of stuff for $7 with coupons

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Aug 10, 2024 10:20:50 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning We went and are in Longmont until tomorrow.

Aug 10, 2024 10:36:46 AM Me

Instagram

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Aug 11, 2024 12:04:25 AM Me

YouTube

Aug 11, 2024 10:45:28 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Great segment Did you read the blog post? Did you listen to the ketamine podcast?

Aug 11, 2024 11:16:43 AM Me

No

Aug 11, 2024 11:18:01 AM Me

I want to do ketamine. Its class 3 so you can get it for home use. It’s not a schedule one drug according to the feds. That’s why you see so many companies selling it online. I would do it alone but it would probably be best to have somebody around so I don’t wonder off into traffic 🤣🤣🤣

Aug 11, 2024 11:18:50 AM Me

I’ve seen it for less than 200 bucks out-of-pocket and no insurance which is what I’d probably have to do. I really wanna make it happen because I know it will flip a switch for me and likely improve at least my mindset by potentially exponential factors

Aug 11, 2024 11:20:28 AM Me

thing is I don’t know if I’ve ever known life truly without being depressed. Because I know I tried to commit suicide at 16 with the kitchen knife that was serrated I remember it well. And I’ve lived since then with it and was never diagnosed or medicated until almost 30 yrs old and that was for anxiety not depression.

Aug 11, 2024 11:21:28 AM Me

Please stop what you’re doing and for 10 seconds think about that. The entire life not knowing what Neurotypical is like. It’s in one sense totally tragic, but in the same breath if I could flip a switch and live at least time I have left different way it would be nice

Aug 11, 2024 11:22:27 AM Me

Crying my fucking eyes out hard in public. I dont hide my human condition from others

Aug 11, 2024 11:23:17 AM Me

If human emotions make you uncomfortable, u need to check-yo-self IMO

Aug 11, 2024 11:23:45 AM Me

IOW… U gotz issues child

Aug 11, 2024 11:24:01 AM Me

K back to work

Aug 11, 2024 11:24:03 AM Me

No

Aug 11, 2024 11:24:06 AM Me

Days

Aug 11, 2024 11:24:07 AM Me

Off

Aug 11, 2024 11:24:34 AM Me

I have 2 feet on the gas

Aug 11, 2024 11:26:34 AM Me

One week life will be different. I will begin to publicly talk about my divorce once filed. Remember…

Aug 11, 2024 11:26:36 AM Me

Spotify

Aug 11, 2024 11:26:59 AM Me

Dont you forget… 🎶🎵🥁🎸

Aug 11, 2024 11:27:13 AM Me

u know that track

Aug 11, 2024 11:56:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Click to download SafetyPlan.pdf (63.18 KB)

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Aug 11, 2024 1:00:50 PM Me

Spooky

Aug 11, 2024 4:53:04 PM Me

Just got voicemail. Getting payment tomorrow. 😁 Will alleviate stress momentary

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Aug 11, 2024 4:57:29 PM Me

I was able to do some deep stretches today and my abdomen and my hips in front. Imagine yourself when you were a kid and you put your hands up in the air and then leaned backwards and formed a backwards arch Well the front of me is really tight from sitting forever so when I try to stretch the abdomen the nerve response I feel is as if I let go and I will lose function of my limbs. My body does not want to let go. However I have sat with it a few times and it let’s go And the release of tension and relaxation of the muscle is so deep and so profound it’s another world. I just spent about 20 minutes with my back like that and it felt fucking amazing. I’m about to go on my beach walk then I’m gonna go either throw some darts for practice at the garage, or work on my art. Someone in my NSA asked about what I was going to do and not to get discouraged however I know shit is real and I got a deal. Fuck that’s a great quote I’m gonna put that on a shirt Shit gets real and you gotz to deal

Aug 11, 2024 4:57:48 PM Me

Anyhow I haven’t felt relaxed like this so long I can’t remember years

Aug 11, 2024 5:06:10 PM Me

So what I shared with them is I’ve made a decision to do something that upon reflection is something I’ve actually been conditioned in a subconscious way not to do. When I was young fifth grade through high school I suddenly discovered art and I enjoyed the shit out of it I was fun I thought I made some cool shit and holy cow people were digging what I was making. However upon my absorption into the art world, and my decision to pursue a degree in fine arts created the constant echo from my father that I’ll never make money doing art. This came up for visual art and also when I was breakdancing he would say that you’ll never make money doing that. Because in his mind You should be spending your time investing and things you would do for a living or things that will make you a lot of money. My father was driven by lack, as a child I was driven by passion and desire to create art. Now I did get my degree I did do my senior exhibition for college but I stopped painting after that and went right into a way I could use my art skill with computer skill and make a living Which was all fine and dandy but I never picked up the paintbrush again. I never ventured outside the computer I never went back to analog. And I find it really interesting that my life is in this inflection point and I get lots of messages from outside my own brain that I should use art as both a tool for healing myself and as a way to express myself and as a way to potentially make money . I would not limit myself to anyone medium. Nor would I limit myself to anyone style or genre or whatever. In other words I could create a logo or graphic that is really cool for a sticker, or I could do a cool illustration of the chief mountain of Ojai and sell that as a poster or a T-shirt, and that has potential to become a hot thing likewise I would do the same thing for the Topa Topa And with that one I would play on the word Topa Topa. I would illustrate it red then Shift it diagonally in blue and make it look like a 3-D set of glasses hence Topa, Topa And I have so much photography, nature photography that is easily good enough straight from the camera to be sold Printed framed and put on the wall. It’s a resource I have on hand with the photography and with a little bit of work setting up payment channels. I can jump on the limited social media I do have and promote it, and potentially get an influx of some money. I’m very interested to hear what you think

Aug 11, 2024 5:07:42 PM Me

Of course I would not waste my time seeking perfection rather functionality. I can always double back improve SCO improve aesthetic and design etc. but I come up with shit tons of ideas and they don’t go anywhere beyond my brain and, I don’t know if anybody would vibe with my stuff so the only way you know is put it out there.

Aug 11, 2024 5:08:54 PM Me

I’m always reminded of the quotation from Michael Jordan, “you miss 100% of the shots you never take.” And like I’ve shared previously I know that fear has caused me not to take shots over the course of my life and I definitely have missed 100% of those. Maybe the lesson I’m supposed to be learning is to live without fear. I don’t know what the lesson is but that is certainly something that is in my face and I am keenly aware of it

Aug 11, 2024 5:10:53 PM Me

And, hopefully this is the last thing I share before I takeoff to walk the beach and get some exercise. I know that fear for me shows up in all areas of my life professionally through imposter syndrome personally through fear of coming off as an asshole, just fear of rejection and disapproval. All of those things are not hardwired but really shitty programming

Aug 11, 2024 5:12:11 PM Me

I know you know the whole brain computer code analogy and I’ll leave it at that. All of this is to say I don’t know if things are improving but I feel as though I’m potentially getting some clarity by connecting a few dots that are things focused on individually but never together or thinking they would overlap in someway or connected in someway OK that’s it

Aug 11, 2024 5:13:57 PM Me

| Last thing. It’s part of the human condition. Fear. Every single human being has a fear. It may only be one, but they have one. And I think it is true fear I will find connection with others
Edited 11 seconds later | Last thing. It’s part of the human condition. Fear. Every single human being has a fear. It may only be one, but they have one. And I think it is thru fear I will find connection with others

Aug 11, 2024 5:14:51 PM Me

FEAR False Evidence Apearring Real

Aug 11, 2024 5:15:05 PM Me

T shirt soon

Aug 11, 2024 5:43:25 PM Me

Aug 11, 2024 8:54:17 PM Me

I just spent about 15 minutes talking with an incredibly attractive blonde woman with tattoos and her really super cool French bulldog I am a sucker for dogs and when I see a cool dog I have to meet them if the opportunity presents itself. I saw her, Cassie, at the bar with her dog Named big Mac. And big Mac was a big kisser, sloppy licks and saliva all over your face. Cassie says he really loves ears, and I have no qualms with a dog licking my ears clean because they love all that salty wax and shit that’s in there so I let big Mac a snack on my ear.

Aug 11, 2024 8:55:55 PM Me

I just pulled out of my parking space and as I was driving down the street I saw Cassie walking big Mac out for a P break. I looked directly at her hoping I would catch her eye. She absolutely saw me before that moment sitting in the car and turned towards me as I was driving by her we shared a moment of locking eyes and smiling and there was this incredible sweetness, a kind and caring sweet energy coming from her to me and I could feel that. And I could see it clearly in her face. It was pretty powerful that’s the whole goddamn reason I’m even sharing this story with you

Aug 11, 2024 8:57:59 PM Me

If I had a job, and an apartment, I would turn the car around this very second and go back and hang out with Cassie and big Mac she couldn’t have been older than 30., But fuck it, if I have a young woman into me and we are Vibin and things are consensual,it’s on

Aug 11, 2024 9:00:24 PM Me

She had a really cool energy about her. I don’t know what the fuck that is, but I can somehow feel that when it’s happening It actually reminds me back when I was in high school there were girls who emanated a really negative vibe towards me without saying a word I knew it was pointless to engage with them so I steered clear of them. I suspect that was likely based in the fact that Tonya Sadusky, a girl I grew up with since grade school had a massive crush on me in high school. And I never knew this and she never shared it even though I sat every day with her in study hall eating bagels and talking shit.

Aug 11, 2024 9:06:52 PM Me

She easily had the best ass in a pair of jeans in the entire high school. I can remember her ass right this second in my mind in those jeans. I could’ve been having that ass for years is upsetting. I feel it is based in the fear category. Simultaneously I did not know, but, come on, I had the fucking hots for her secretly. I got to hang out with her and would have a hard-on during study hall in my pants, talking with her and Maribeth Taylor. I’ve always had a fantasy of a two-on-one with them. They were both cheerleaders for the basketball team, and to think I could’ve been pulling those skirts down at 18 is upsetting. However, I see it as a lesson learned; I have been purposely looking towards women in the eye hoping to catch eye contact. I’ve been doing it a lot this past week, and I always have a friendly toothless smile or grin on my face. And I always get a smile in return. This is very reassuring for me and I’m picking up on it. It helps alleviate the idea of imposter syndrome that I somehow don’t deserve to connect with nice women

Aug 11, 2024 9:09:33 PM Me

And sidenote, Maribeth Taylor reached out to me recently. She still lives in Waterford, and is essentially the caretaker for her mom. Her parents are a little older than mine, more like your mom‘s age. Anyhow she never married and does not have kids. Which honestly blows my mind, because she has a great personality and sense of humor, and she’s a brunette with blue eyes with a beautiful smile and a great ass and big tits. Anyhow, she told me that if I come back to Waterford she has a empty apartment above the garage that I could move into if I want. That’s kind of tempting I have to say. There is no doubt in my mind that if I were back in Waterford I would absolutely look her up despite the apartment situation. But I know she does not have a boyfriend because she is in sales and travels on airplanes and insane amount so that’s why she never settled down

Aug 11, 2024 9:10:02 PM Me

Basically if I were to go back to Waterford I can probably be fucking her brains out within a week of getting into town and connecting with her

Aug 11, 2024 9:10:53 PM Me

I would not object to that. And certainly would not object to being in a relationship with her because, fuck I know her since fifth grade. And I had the hats for her and Tonya in high school. But I had imposter syndrome and didn’t think I was good enough to ask them out on a date or Say hey do you wanna be my girlfriend kind of shit

Aug 11, 2024 9:11:03 PM Me

OK I’m shutting up now I’m parked at Starbucks gonna work on my stuff then go to bed

Aug 11, 2024 9:12:58 PM Me

Let me know what you think about all that, I am house and dog sitting at the beach from the 15th to 25 August, when I’m done with that I was thinking of perhaps driving your way. However I need money to get new tires and get my car not just looked at but I am certain it needs brakesand probably some other things. I do not want to drive it to Colorado without it being looked at by a professional. It’s just fucking common sense imprudent I’ve driven through the Utah desert twice last summer I know that I do not want to end up in that space down without a spare tire and be unable to either reach AAA or get help of any kind.

Aug 11, 2024 9:13:31 PM Me

OK, shutting the fuck up now. Sorry I wrote Bert, the Odyssey just now

Aug 11, 2024 9:15:40 PM Me

I do know that I want a monogamous relationship with an insanely awesome woman that I vibe with in just about every way. Even 80/20 is acceptable 😂 My point is that I’m not gonna settle, and I plan to get naked with as many women as I can. Sexual compatibility is important to me. I don’t want to end up in this situation like my marriage with a woman who doesn’t wanna fuck like a rabbit

Aug 11, 2024 9:17:01 PM Me

Probably why I am going to date women who are 44 years of age or older. Those women were born in 1980, they are the youngest of Gen X. Jenica is 44 and easily the top woman in my life that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and loving

Aug 11, 2024 9:18:02 PM Me

| There’s a certain kind of confidence that some women exhibit I find irresistibly sexy. At the same time they haven’t irresistible groundedness and humbleness about them.
Edited 20 seconds later | There’s a certain kind of confidence that some women exhibit I find irresistibly sexy. At the same time they have irresistible groundedness and humbleness about them.

Aug 11, 2024 9:20:05 PM Me

OK, got to use my time outside of Starbucks and the free fucking Wi-Fi prudently I’m on it now and I just list my nag champa insence in my car. I like the smell of that over what smells like a cubicle a human has been has been sleeping inside of for many months

Aug 11, 2024 9:20:54 PM Me

Going forward I will do my plum best to only share positive news with you

Aug 11, 2024 9:21:36 PM Me

I know I’ll have bad days, but going forward I wanna drive the bus, not my fucking crazy emotions

Aug 11, 2024 11:49:13 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 10 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

At hotel / I’ll read thread in a bit

Aug 12, 2024 9:19:24 AM Me

This was the first thing I saw this morning, microwave man 🤣

Aug 12, 2024 9:19:42 AM Me

Instagram

Aug 12, 2024 10:43:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

From one of my teachers today: When you make any relationship for only your own benefit, it doesn't last long. Take great care to avoid selfishness in your relationships. True love is a commitment.

Aug 12, 2024 10:43:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Boy, dont I know that

Aug 12, 2024 10:44:05 AM Me

Comitted I was, to the mental asylum 🤣🤣🤣

Aug 12, 2024 10:45:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, 24 days in a row of meditation. Only mention it because I’m feeling the benefit of not missing a day. Yesterday was first day in a long while where I didnt have at least one cry/breakdown. Anyhow, wanted to share

Aug 12, 2024 2:14:02 PM Me

Aug 12, 2024 2:14:10 PM Me

😅

Aug 12, 2024 2:15:00 PM Me

How do I spell relief? MONEY not ROLAIDS

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Aug 12, 2024 2:16:21 PM Me

Headed to Ojai Starbucks for air conditioning and to work until about five. Then I will DoorDash the dinner hours up here in Ojai. Then maybe a hike over in the Meadows then stay up here for the night and tomorrow will likely head into Ventura for the duration, meaninguntil I start housesitting

Aug 12, 2024 7:50:06 PM Me

I’ve sent invitations to all my boys to come spend a day and night with me while I’m down at the beach if I’m considering heading your way at the end of the month it’s an excellent opportunity and setting that is relaxing and not stressful where we can enjoy time together Before everything changes

Aug 12, 2024 7:53:13 PM Me

This Thursday morning I meet with the self-help people in Oxnard Friday afternoon I have a meeting with the court clerk to file my case and get a case number at that point when I leave the courthouse will update everybody on my situation

Aug 12, 2024 7:53:35 PM Me

Saturday morning starts a new chapter in my life

Aug 12, 2024 7:53:45 PM Me

And I gladly welcome it

Aug 12, 2024 7:56:16 PM Me

This cycle I’m living isn’t working here. In a lot of ways. I have 10 days at this house starting Wednesday I’d like you to give some consideration to the idea that I would come to Colorado. I could stay with Trisha and Don, but Don and I go at it in text over politics. I’m trying to get the guy to wake up, but he’s too distracted by what he’s being fed through his media sources he talks about some weird shit. Anyway I know Tricia said I always have a place to stay at her house and of course I don’t want to impose myself on anyone for longer than absolutely necessary. Part of the reason why I am where I am. I am my own problem I am doing my best not to make me or my problem other peoples problems. You may have noticed a decline in the number of texts I’ve been sending you.

Aug 12, 2024 7:58:13 PM Me

This is both conscious and effortless. I feel as though I had a shift between Friday and today in my perspective and seat in the bleachers. It says if I’ve changed my seat and I’m sitting in a different section. Things are different inside my brain I haven’t figured out exactly why But I am still in a shitty situation. But I see one way I can use my own skill and backlog of resources that I personally own digitally and set up an online art business not very different than elizabeth has done. Except mine will be Bert

Aug 12, 2024 7:58:35 PM Me

bert.forsale -

Aug 12, 2024 7:59:42 PM Me

I’ve been working with AI on both strategy for getting things set up quickly and functioning. And I have given it specific instructions to ignore SCO etc. for the time being, let’s just get the goddamn thing up and I can come back and do all the med later. I can promo on Instagram and Facebook and Threads and LinkedIn

Aug 12, 2024 8:01:28 PM Me

And I was thinking today about the idea of partnerships. For example the los Padres national Forest in the sespe might be interested in a lot of my photography of the backcountry at all times a year. Likewise I have incredible photos of the Ojai Valley which with the right SCO could be a nice source of passive income with the artwork I know that I have in my catalogue. I’m not talking 10 or 20 photos I’m talking hundreds. This is 30 years of hiking photos in the Sespe,

Aug 12, 2024 8:01:50 PM Me

And a whole bunch of other places I hiked on the West Coast like Zion and arches in Moab and Colorado in the Rockies. I have so many photos

Aug 12, 2024 8:02:37 PM Me

And that’s just photography. I also plan on selling prints of my paintings and I also plan on selling posters and T-shirts and stickers. I’m gonna use third-party fulfillment so I do not have to print anything and likely will have it white labeled and shipped directly to the customer Without a receipt inside the box. That way I can do markup

Aug 12, 2024 8:03:35 PM Me

OK shutting up for now because I want to finish getting my car loaded and head to Ventura. Actually come to think of it by the time I get down there it will be nearly dark and I won’t be able to get into the marina park where I’ve been hiking and walking lately since the county fair shut down surfers Point

Aug 12, 2024 8:04:08 PM Me

It will be nice to get back to surfers point this weekend and walk along the Ventura oveanfront

Aug 12, 2024 8:04:37 PM Me

Oh, that’s a whole Nother category I have to is the ocean and surfing. I have a lot of photos of both. Many of which are really cool

Aug 12, 2024 8:06:25 PM Me

I got a promo from a guy who’s probably our age and it said hey turn your 20 or 30 years of experience into a course or a blah blah blah and that triggered me to think about well what could I sell that isn’t having to create a course Art was naturally it for me I have a fucking degree in art So I’ve dropped the fucking idea that I’ll never make money with my art that my father burned into my brain and I’ve fucking thrown that out the window and I am gonna publish my work and put it out there And hope that it’s appealing to people and they might want to buy a poster a car a sticker a print or whatever. Shut up

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Aug 12, 2024 9:50:51 PM Me

Working with AI on my new art store idea

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Aug 12, 2024 10:14:23 PM Me

Are you at the hotel tonight

Aug 12, 2024 10:17:31 PM Me

And I would love any feedback or reflections on the bucket loads of shit I just texted recently most notably my ideas around coming to Colorado at the end of the month. The last thing in the world I want to do is disturb the Chi in your family, or the Chi your mom your sister or her her husband. Thing I have discovered about myself is that I am highly sensitive to other peoples energy in a subconscious way. Another words when I am around people if they’re suffering and silent about it I can feel their suffering if that makes any sense. It’s hard to describe because it’s it’s a feeling. The closest thing I can come to is sticking your tongue on a 9 V battery That is indeed a feeling

Aug 12, 2024 10:18:39 PM Me

But the feeling I’m talking about does not feel like that fortunately. But I do feel it. The more I meditate the more I become aware of it. I can feel peoples energy when they walk by me on the walking path along the beach. I can tell if somebody is happy or sad or depressed or anxious without them saying a fucking word

Aug 12, 2024 10:18:47 PM Me

I could almost be a carnival act

Aug 12, 2024 10:19:30 PM Me

It’s energy but it’s also theater as well. Theater of the body and their energy manifesting itself through their physical expression

Aug 12, 2024 10:19:59 PM Me

It’s like shit I can see in soccer before it happens. It’s like the matrix kind of thingP

Aug 12, 2024 10:20:31 PM Me

OK quiet time until I hear back I don’t wanna flood you and I would like a response

Aug 13, 2024 2:04:29 AM (Read by you after 6 hours, 15 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

I think the idea of pursuing your art is good. Glad to hear things have shifted in your brain. 🧠 Let’s chat on Thursday about Colorado visit. It would be good to see you. 10 days on the beach 🏖️ will be nice. Hopefully the boys take you up on the invite.

Aug 13, 2024 5:13:05 PM Me

Just spoke to house sit folks. Excited. Play last night of summer darts yonight and then to the beachouse After 12pm

Aug 13, 2024 5:13:16 PM Me

10 days 👀

Aug 13, 2024 5:13:45 PM Me

I might actually get to truly unwind this time

Aug 13, 2024 5:16:31 PM Me

Im also going to text Jenica tomorrow and let her know I’m at the beach house until the 25th and that it would be great to see her before I takeoff at the end of the month. I’ve been reading her horoscope since I saw her and it’s been saying she’s having a lot of doubt and uncertainty I’m guessing it’s with her relationship. But who knows. I put my intention into the universe that I want to be brought back together with her somehow and I’m not going to be neurotic about it I know I spent untold amounts of energy worrying about Liz leaving me and it came true. So I know this shit works

Aug 14, 2024 10:05:41 AM Me

Good morning

Aug 14, 2024 10:12:47 AM Me

Yes please. Then it doesnt fester. I’m eager to get my shit in check. This is what i liked about Jenica. Sensitive to energy shifts and would ask “whats up” in this incredibly compassionate way. 180° the experience of my marriage. That was more, “why are you complaining? You have it good” and thought yeah, I could be living on the street Still cannot understand why she watched me fall into a giant pit of depression. As if she was watching a car crash in slow motion over a year and did nothing to intervene. Not even, “are you ok?” And ironically here I am.

Aug 14, 2024 2:02:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

which one?

Aug 14, 2024 2:02:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Aug 14, 2024 2:02:51 PM Me

using Bert’s color scheme. Design follows “Bert dot forsale”

Aug 14, 2024 2:05:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Or this last option no black box. You notice the orange more on this one.

Aug 14, 2024 2:05:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

headed to house sit this moment 😊

Aug 14, 2024 7:11:01 PM Me

You at hotel???

Aug 14, 2024 7:30:40 PM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Not tonight - rounding up girls for bed time. School orientation tomorrow

Aug 14, 2024 8:10:18 PM Me

Wow

Aug 14, 2024 8:16:15 PM Me

I may send you links to stuff. By the way Greg my client is meeting with me this weekend to talk new projects

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Aug 14, 2024 8:22:22 PM Me

He needs an admin website to manage the app and the subscribers period plus he needs a public facing app that promotes the application and explains how it works support links all that standard stuff. He has nothing set up right now. So I could be looking at two very small projects. There aren’t all terrible amount of work and if I can get them hosted from the same location like AWS etc. then it might work

Aug 14, 2024 8:24:25 PM Me

I have one question for you I’ve been keeping a tight eye on the horoscopes. And it seems Jenica is going through a rough time right now and if I’m to believe how it aligns with me, I know it aligns with her because we’re both affected by energy that way. I want to text her And let her know I am here at this address until the 25th and then I’m likely leaving California and don’t know if I’m coming back and that I would like to see her one more time before I go if for coffee or beer or the best would be to cook her dinner and have her come over I miss her terribly

Aug 14, 2024 8:25:07 PM Me

It doesn’t hurt me to extend the offer, however I was thinking I might pitch it as helping me celebrate submitting my divorce paperwork because honestly I do wanna celebrate but I don’t have anybody to celebrate with

Aug 14, 2024 8:27:50 PM Me

So I guess I answered my own question, I am going to text her, however I’m gonna wait until tomorrow night after I see the people tomorrow morning and confirm my paperwork is good to go. Then Friday morning is a formality. So if I text her tomorrow After I confirm my paperwork is in good order the invitation extends from Friday afternoon until I’m here all day on the 24th because I leave on the 25th I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the concept of twin flame, which is the idea of meeting someone You feel deeply that you know. Jenica and I have this intensely and we both talked about it at the same time and we had moments where we stared deeply into each other eyes and it could go on and on, it was something incredibly special to look into her eyes and I doubt I can find that somewhere else easily

Aug 14, 2024 8:28:34 PM Me

Thoughts and reflections are welcome Just back from the supermarket and I bought myself a frozen pizza which is like ordering up filet mignon and caviar

Aug 15, 2024 12:34:42 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

You have answered your question. I have met people for the first time I’ve known forever it seems

Aug 15, 2024 12:35:00 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

How did the meeting go with divorce paperwork?

Aug 15, 2024 12:55:36 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Just read other thread - do that step is completed. - how are you feeling?

Aug 15, 2024 12:58:17 PM Me

Im numb

Aug 15, 2024 12:58:22 PM Me

And really sad

Aug 15, 2024 12:58:26 PM Me

Crying

Aug 15, 2024 12:59:11 PM Me

Just got to the car after finishing. I was kind of a zombie in the building sort of disassociated honestly. I was present but I had to dissociate so I didn’t start crying in front of people

Aug 15, 2024 12:59:22 PM Me

Deep in my heart I don’t want this but I have no other choice

Aug 15, 2024 12:59:33 PM Me

I can’t make somebody love me

Aug 15, 2024 12:59:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I imagine a lot of emotions flowing through.

Aug 15, 2024 1:00:13 PM Me

Feeling kind of fucked up, I’m headed back to the beach house now and need to take the dog for her walk because I was preoccupied with paperwork this morning

Aug 15, 2024 1:00:33 PM Me

The rest of today is gonna feel fucked up I can feel it

Aug 15, 2024 1:00:35 PM +13038752587

That will be good for both of you

Aug 15, 2024 1:02:51 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 28 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The dog and you

Aug 15, 2024 1:01:27 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Take time to allow the feelings to flow and then let go as much as you can.

Aug 15, 2024 1:02:29 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

I feel you and am giving you a big hug virtually

Aug 15, 2024 1:02:51 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 28 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The dog and you
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Aug 15, 2024 1:14:38 PM Me

I just backed my car into something

Aug 15, 2024 1:14:47 PM Me

Smashed up my back and a bit

Aug 15, 2024 1:14:58 PM Me

Oh well

Aug 15, 2024 1:15:12 PM Me

It’s gonna be one of those kind of days

Aug 15, 2024 1:16:43 PM Me

Aug 15, 2024 1:30:03 PM (Read by you after 51 seconds) +13038752587

Oh shit and I agree “oh well. “ Slow down your mind. Stay present. Lots of deep breathing 😮‍💨

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Aug 15, 2024 2:15:32 PM Me

Hey Siri, or cloud come over my head feeling like I just fucked myself in someway. Like I did it wrong or did something I don’t know It’s not too believe I did the right thing, it’s Moore I sucked up in the filing in someway I don’t know I won’t get what I deserve etc. The woman kept saying to me California is no fault state and it’s pretty much 50-50 on assets and death so we’re that’s where we’re at I’m asking for support but if she tests it we don’t have court dates until 2025 like March. So I’d be looking at another year before I’d be getting support. That’s what I mean by feeling fucked over like I did something wrong

Aug 15, 2024 2:17:14 PM Me

You know me I ruminate the fuck out of everything so I think of every possible fucking permutation plausible inside the cells of my brain It’s something I acquired during childhood. I’m sure you can imagine 75,000 to Sunday of the permutations my dad might show up as, so my brain defaults into that mode after something significant happens it wants to map out ramifications and prepare for them

Aug 15, 2024 2:17:29 PM Me

It’s a survival instinct burned into the synapses of my fucking brain

Aug 15, 2024 2:20:54 PM Me

When do you go to sleep? In other words when can I not get a hold of you

Aug 15, 2024 2:47:09 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Next three days around 9pm

Aug 15, 2024 2:23:14 PM Me

August 15 2024 Official date of death

Aug 15, 2024 2:46:34 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Of marriage

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Aug 15, 2024 2:46:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

?

Aug 15, 2024 2:46:34 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Of marriage

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 2:46:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 2:46:42 PM Me

just pinged Laurie for some advice. Let her know what I did today. Mentioned I feel compelled to work and get busy. However fear the possiblity of “stuffing it down” and not allowing space for whatever needs to happen, grief, sadness, optimism, etc. Essentially let the brain process

Aug 15, 2024 2:47:09 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Next three days around 9pm
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 2:47:11 PM Me

She suggested “Take a long hike and listen to an affirmation heavy podcast. Even hypnotherapy.com would be wonderful. Let the grief be there be present to it. It will pass in due time.”\

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Aug 15, 2024 4:02:38 PM Me

I want to text Jenica the following verbatim: Filed for Divorce this morning. At 2661 Pierpont Boulevard Here until the 25th Leaving California soon. Would be nice to see you before I leave Be well, Bert https://maps.google.com?q=2661%20Pierpont%20Blvd,%20Ventura,%20CA%2093001&ftid=0x80e9ad2dbd16b83b:0x7003857a2402fc2f&entry=gps&lucs=,94208286,94224825,94227247,94227248,47071704,47069508,94218641,94203019,47084304,94208458,94208447&g_st=com.google.maps.preview.copy — Thoughts?

Aug 15, 2024 4:14:22 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Change one line … It would be great to see you for (coffee, drink, lunch, or a walk on the beach) before I leave.

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Aug 15, 2024 4:41:04 PM Me

I will not ask for a reply or say let me know or anything I’m just going to leave it open

Aug 15, 2024 4:41:33 PM Me

I typically like to close with Be well. And I think that’s appropriate here

Aug 15, 2024 4:42:22 PM Me

And thanks

Aug 15, 2024 4:43:51 PM Me

Also I no longer have dash at any time. I could only get 30 minutes today from 4 to 430 so I am hoping I can make at least 10 bucks to put a charge in my car

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Aug 15, 2024 4:44:11 PM Me

I only have about 30 something miles so hoping I can make it work

Aug 15, 2024 5:32:16 PM Me

This sucks, I didn’t get any orders and I can’t dash anytime I want. I need to go to Ojai which eats a bunch of my battery. It’s almost as if being down here is worthless because I have to go back up to Ojai and spend my days up there DoorDash instead of fucking relaxing I gotta chase money I fucking hate this

Aug 15, 2024 5:33:08 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Why did unlimited door dashing go away

Aug 15, 2024 5:33:54 PM Me

Because my total deliveries went under 100 over the past 30 days you have to maintain 100 deliveries over 30 days. So while I have it today tomorrow I could drop from 101 down to 91 and suddenly I don’t have it the rug gets pulled out from under your fucking feet

Aug 15, 2024 5:34:21 PM Me

I have to go up to Ojai if I want unlimited dashing until I can get to the hundred level

Aug 15, 2024 5:34:37 PM Me

And I need to make money and the last thing I fucking wanna do is anything right right now

Aug 15, 2024 5:34:58 PM Me

Sitting in a parking lot alone crying. My life sucks

Aug 15, 2024 5:36:20 PM Me

I texted Jenica and she always had the delivered notice on so I knew if the text message got to her. Not read receipts just delivered. And I sent her the text and I didn’t get a confirmation that it was delivered. I don’t know if that means she’s deleted me from her phone and I don’t get a message back. Or what that means if anything I guess I just have to let the world go

Aug 15, 2024 6:22:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 38 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t read into it - you put it out there- no surrender judgement of any outcome

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Aug 15, 2024 5:59:21 PM Me

I discovered that elizabeth started factly meetings today. So there’s a good chance tomorrow the sheriff might show up at a faculty meeting to serve her the divorce papers. That would be kind of fitting to have her served in front of all her peers Then she gets it and how is she gonna sit in that meeting, continue to sit in that meeting when she’s just been dropped a piano into her lap

Aug 15, 2024 6:00:39 PM Me

She has the start of school happening, hast to go camping for a week and is driving Darragh‘s stuff up to Portland. And kicking off the school year. All of that happens for her over the next 30 days and that’s exactly how much time she has to respond to the summons So she’s going to be served divorce papers at the absolute worst time

Aug 15, 2024 6:01:08 PM Me

I did warn her long ago there will be a day that you regret this and that day could be coming up soon

Aug 15, 2024 6:02:07 PM Me

To say it but there’s a part of me that would have smug satisfaction to be the fly on the wall and see how she emotionally deals with all of this. She’s been so goddamn stoic and just non-fucking emotional during all of this it’s kind of mind blowing All of that is to say I have not seen her shed one tear over our marriage

Aug 15, 2024 6:03:18 PM Me

And last thing weirdly I was talking to Derick Perry this past weekend and he threw a question out there. He said would you ever consider going back? I was honestly stunned. And then it made me think for a moment that Liz may not want to go through with this because she hast to give up a lot financially But the law is 50-50 so I’m just thinking out loud OK I’ll stop

Aug 15, 2024 6:25:26 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

What was your response?

Aug 15, 2024 7:34:15 PM ⇲ Me

Are you fucking kidding me?!? It was TOTALLY unexpected

Aug 15, 2024 7:34:33 PM ⇲ Me

Aug 15, 2024 7:36:17 PM ⇲ Me

$3.77 every week for the mystery tap. Get 9 stamps and you get the glass. 4 more weeks for me. Might miss the end

Aug 15, 2024 7:36:30 PM ⇲ Me

Aug 15, 2024 6:22:23 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 10 minutes, 38 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t read into it - you put it out there- no surrender judgement of any outcome

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Aug 15, 2024 6:25:26 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 35 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

What was your response?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 7:34:15 PM ⇱ Me

Are you fucking kidding me?!? It was TOTALLY unexpected
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 7:34:33 PM ⇱ Me

This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 7:36:17 PM ⇱ Me

$3.77 every week for the mystery tap. Get 9 stamps and you get the glass. 4 more weeks for me. Might miss the end
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 7:36:30 PM ⇱ Me

This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 7:37:01 PM Me

Sitting here out with people. Lots of good looking women.

Aug 15, 2024 7:37:45 PM Me

Actually, I’m now technically “off the leash” in my mind

Aug 15, 2024 7:38:05 PM Me

A woman knowing that Ive filed papers knows Im serious

Aug 15, 2024 7:39:51 PM Me

Thats why i needed to let Jenica know. She told me to “go take care of your shit” and this is a BIG taking care of your shit moment

Aug 15, 2024 7:58:40 PM Me

Aug 15, 2024 8:26:18 PM Me

Walking around downtown feeling lost.

Aug 15, 2024 8:26:49 PM Me

I’m gonna go head to the water because the circus is out of town and you can get back to surfers point in your car

Aug 15, 2024 8:36:42 PM Me

Sucks i cant find a friend

Aug 15, 2024 8:36:57 PM Me

No one to hang out with

Aug 15, 2024 8:49:05 PM Me

Like this is when I get into “I’m a loser baby so why don’t you kill me” mode

Aug 15, 2024 8:51:38 PM Me

Like a simple example as I am absolutely dying for a hug. And it’s awesome nights like this that make me really fucking bitter and hate bitter and hate and want to get knives and stab things I wanna hurt things. Nothing cares about me I don’t give a shit about anything

Aug 15, 2024 8:52:28 PM Me

Let me ask you a serious question. The age were at would you like to have to rebuild your fucking life from zero?

Aug 15, 2024 8:52:48 PM Me

Like I said when all the shit started that was something I didn’t fucking sign up for

Aug 15, 2024 8:53:23 PM Me

I have 23 miles left on the car no way to DoorDash and no way to recharge. Totally fucked

Aug 15, 2024 8:54:41 PM Me

To me is really getting down to the point where I’ve totally had enough of this existence.

Aug 15, 2024 8:55:09 PM Me

It’s just been too much bad news for too long and not enough good news in between. I’ve just had enough of this

Aug 15, 2024 8:57:16 PM Me

Going out for a beer was not a good idea And I don’t think texting Jenica was a good idea. I suspect she’s blocked me. I don’t think you get notified when someone’s blocked you, do you?

Aug 15, 2024 8:59:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Stop reading into it

Aug 15, 2024 8:59:18 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Let it be

Aug 15, 2024 8:59:56 PM ⇲ +13038752587

| If you hear from Her great If that’s ok What’s important is you reached out
Edited 7 minutes, 26 seconds later | If you hear from Her great If not that’s ok What’s important is you reached out

Aug 15, 2024 8:57:32 PM Me

In an event it’s 8 o’clock here and I’m just gonna go inside and cry myself to sleep

Aug 15, 2024 8:58:03 PM Me

Pray the lord my soul to TAKE

Aug 15, 2024 8:58:37 PM Me

To go in my sleep would be sublime. I wouldn’t have to wake up back into this 🥹

Aug 15, 2024 8:59:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Stop reading into it
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Aug 15, 2024 8:59:11 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 15, 2024 8:59:18 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Let it be
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 8:59:56 PM ⇱ +13038752587

| If you hear from Her great If that’s ok What’s important is you reached out
Edited 7 minutes, 26 seconds later | If you hear from Her great If not that’s ok What’s important is you reached out

This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 15, 2024 9:00:32 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

Putting girls to bed

Aug 15, 2024 9:01:08 PM Me

Spotify

Aug 15, 2024 9:09:36 PM Me

Question. If someone blocks you do they get your texts or not? Probably not.

Aug 15, 2024 9:10:33 PM Me

🥺🥺🥺

Aug 15, 2024 9:10:43 PM Me

| he would drive me bananas if she never sees that
Edited 12 seconds later | It will drive me bananas if she never sees that

Aug 15, 2024 9:14:49 PM Me

Scratch that, on my computer and messages it’s showing me that it was delivered. Which makes me feel a lot better. Because it lets me know that it got to her phone and it did show hey here’s a text from Bert

Aug 15, 2024 9:15:34 PM Me

She is a very passionate woman who feels deeply and I know cares about me but is trying not to care about me so she can move on So there’s a high likelihood I won’t hear from her unless things are not going great with her new boyfriend who I met

Aug 15, 2024 9:16:55 PM Me

It sucks because hanging out with her I suddenly was introduced to her social circle and made a ton of friends around here in Ventura through her. But I feel wrong for wanting to continue friendships with those people. Is it wrong for me to have friendships with those people because I met them through her but I’m not with her anymore? The last thing I want to do is upset her more than I have by texting her because I know texting her makes her mad but there’s probably another part of that that I’m texting her

Aug 16, 2024 9:04:29 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No - if you clicked with some people and want to hangout, that’s cool, probably not in gatherings where she is at though.

Aug 15, 2024 9:17:06 PM Me

She’s still getting confirmation that I care about her a ton

Aug 15, 2024 9:17:53 PM Me

I love the woman. I really do and it seems absurd in some sense to say that but she connected with a part of me and woke up a part of me I didn’t know existed

Aug 15, 2024 9:18:18 PM Me

I sit here and melt just thinking about looking into her eyes.

Aug 16, 2024 9:04:29 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No - if you clicked with some people and want to hangout, that’s cool, probably not in gatherings where she is at though.
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Aug 16, 2024 9:10:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey. hope all is well. Imagine with School underway you’ll begin to find much more uninterrupted time 😊 They won’t be little long, and then they will be too busy with outside interests and friends that you become second-fiddle.

Aug 16, 2024 9:11:31 AM Me

Eventutally you end up where I am, nothing but unfettered time in front of me all day

Aug 16, 2024 9:15:54 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Highly aware of the limited time I have with them. I appreciate the reminders as the urgencies of life can blind you to the fact. I was just thinking this morning, how some parents weren’t at drop off in the first full/official day of school. You only get 12, and probably less when they hit high school. Time you don’t get back. This has been the struggle to reconcile in pursuit of a career. It’s why I believe a flexible schedule is mandatory. Off with Sarah this morning for a bit. BBL

Aug 16, 2024 9:20:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

K. agree flexibility is paramount. the challenge is the right balance. I’ve struggled with unstructured time vs meeting time. In other words you only have to show up for the meetings, otherwise get the work done on your own schedule. HOWEVER, the work should be done as you’ve had no schedule or pressure. Totally get it.

Aug 16, 2024 9:21:13 AM Me

I need to find a money tree, or a treasury printing press.

Aug 16, 2024 9:21:18 AM Me

I need money badly

Aug 16, 2024 11:07:45 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Yo tambien. On the hunt.

Aug 16, 2024 11:11:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just had to turn down a dash because I dont have enough battery. Sucks

Aug 16, 2024 11:12:01 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

was $9, and $10 is minimum in the charging account to make it work

Aug 16, 2024 11:31:32 AM Me

Aug 16, 2024 11:41:33 AM (Read by you after 31 seconds) +13038752587

Go for walk either your head down looking at the ground and you will find the money you need

Aug 16, 2024 11:42:05 AM +13038752587

Just popped into my head. Inspiration from the universe??

Aug 16, 2024 11:42:42 AM Me

Well right now I’m at a point where I can’t drive my car to make money because there’s not enough charge in it

Aug 16, 2024 11:42:47 AM Me

Good times

Aug 16, 2024 11:44:07 AM Me

I mean maybe I’ll get some new projects with Greg and the app, but he’s likely to be spending money with DJ getting the app built right now. No sense in building the website until you have the app is what I’m thinking. Anyhow always coming to this point where my toes are over the edge of the precipice is too stressful and it’s happening over and over and over again

Aug 16, 2024 11:50:34 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Not necessarily- having a website and building up demand I’d good marketing

Aug 16, 2024 11:51:23 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Now the feeling all to well of toes over the edge - letting go of that identity yesterday

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Aug 16, 2024 11:44:28 AM Me

That feeling that I’m just gonna fucking collapse and game over for me

Aug 16, 2024 11:44:43 AM Me

I’ve come too close to that too many times and I’m feeling it right now.

Aug 16, 2024 11:45:23 AM Me

And honestly people doubting what’s going on with my divorce filing doesn’t help my mind because then I just get depressed that I fucked up the filing and I’ve fucked myself

Aug 16, 2024 11:53:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

No doubting here - just ideas to ask - and nothing in your request is permanent or overrides the law. Don’t stress about it - you have to wait for a response. At this stage

Aug 16, 2024 11:45:56 AM Me

Which, maybe I have and so be it. That’s what the universe decided is happening, I accept my fate or whatever you wanna call it

Aug 16, 2024 11:47:12 AM Me

I do what I can with what I have at any given moment and I have hustled a lot to keep myself afloat not for my benefit for hers. And I’m just tired mentally emotionally physically. I wanna walk away from that life

Aug 16, 2024 11:50:34 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Not necessarily- having a website and building up demand I’d good marketing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 16, 2024 11:51:23 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Now the feeling all to well of toes over the edge - letting go of that identity yesterday

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Aug 16, 2024 11:52:24 AM Me

I meant to ask did you meet with DJ and Vic this week

Aug 16, 2024 11:52:40 AM Me

It was the first week that I could not

Aug 16, 2024 11:53:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

No doubting here - just ideas to ask - and nothing in your request is permanent or overrides the law. Don’t stress about it - you have to wait for a response. At this stage
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Aug 16, 2024 11:54:33 AM Me

Also, I think elizabeth is going to be caught off guard by being served. She knows I don’t have any money, so she’s probably thinking since I can’t hire a lawyer she never see paperwork or a summons. She’ll see in the paperwork I don’t have a lawyer it’s just me filling out the documents. Took me a few months to do that

Aug 16, 2024 11:55:10 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I’m serious go for a walk look down- money truly is everywhere. Shit what else you got to do anyway? Take the dog.

Aug 16, 2024 11:55:24 AM Me

And I suspect also since her best friend Joanna has gone through this process she may already have contact with a lawyer who specializes in this. And Liz has means to pay for a lawyer so I have no idea if I’ll be standing in a court room going up against the lawyer in front of a judge

Aug 16, 2024 11:55:55 AM Me

Thing is it’s not like I’m trying to fuck anybody over here

Aug 16, 2024 11:56:13 AM Me

If anybody’s got the fucking over it’s me and my asshole is sore from all the pounding

Aug 16, 2024 11:56:16 AM +13038752587

She may want to be done with it all too. And just agree

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Aug 16, 2024 11:56:44 AM Me

She may, but I know she’s worried about her mothers inheritance and that I could get half of that

Aug 16, 2024 11:57:00 AM Me

Which I can’t because the date of separation was prior to her mother’s passing

Aug 16, 2024 11:57:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

She will discover that then

Aug 16, 2024 11:57:31 AM Me

I mean I was homeless while Sallie was still alive she knew I was living in my car and I tried to have a conversation with her about elizabeth and I remember her getting very upset with me like don’t go there anyhow just rambling

Aug 16, 2024 11:58:12 AM Me

And it’s weird for me to think that Nat and Sallie are gone

Aug 16, 2024 11:58:14 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You have played your turn no need to speculate hers as you have no control over it

Aug 16, 2024 11:58:52 AM Me

OK thanks. I’m gonna do the meditation again that Laurie sent me that specific to divorce. I did it yesterday and found it helpful. After that I’m back online and working on building my art store

Aug 16, 2024 11:59:25 AM Me

My art is one of the resources I can use for passive income because I don’t have to remake it over and over and over. What I need to do is have excellent SCO and I tap on Tyler shoulder for that

Aug 16, 2024 11:59:55 AM Me

I have a lot of incredible photography from all my 20 years of hiking up and down the West Coast

Aug 16, 2024 12:00:16 PM Me

Nevada Arizona and Wyoming and Utah as well

Aug 16, 2024 12:00:28 PM +13038752587

Don’t make a store - post it on BBC social social and say message me if you want one

Aug 16, 2024 12:00:37 PM +13038752587

BBC is a typo

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Aug 16, 2024 12:00:55 PM +13038752587

Ok - go meditate

Aug 16, 2024 12:01:00 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ttyl

Aug 16, 2024 12:01:11 PM Me

K

Aug 16, 2024 4:52:10 PM Me

my blog is back online. I have landing page, single post, archives, and search results pages in WP all designed and ready to go.

Aug 16, 2024 4:52:12 PM Me

Bert Mahoney — Designing complex ideas into compelling digital solutions from 0 to 1.

Aug 16, 2024 5:07:41 PM Me

Just saw this

Aug 16, 2024 5:30:52 PM Me

My anxiety is going through the roof right now and I’m not sure why other than my car has 18 miles of battery left

Aug 16, 2024 5:46:01 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Did you go for a walk yet?

Aug 16, 2024 5:39:26 PM Me

Overwhelming sense of doom. It feels like I’m waiting for something to hit me hard is really fucking with me

Aug 16, 2024 5:47:01 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Old stories, identity and depression rearing their heads - beat them back

Aug 16, 2024 5:59:37 PM ⇲ Me

Yeah I get it about the old song and dance but the divorce and the serving of paper still hanging out there is just I don’t know anxiety time

Aug 16, 2024 6:00:15 PM ⇲ Me

I it’s like done and dusted and like the judge has signed off on whatever the deal is going to be and everybody knows what’s up I think I’ll be better then

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Aug 16, 2024 6:06:34 PM ⇲ Me

I got the first installment of money in there Car is charging right now headed into target for cheap supplies

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Aug 16, 2024 5:46:01 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Did you go for a walk yet?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 16, 2024 5:46:01 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 16, 2024 5:47:01 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Old stories, identity and depression rearing their heads - beat them back
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Aug 16, 2024 5:59:04 PM Me

Interestingly had to pay 10 bucks in order to get $700 on my DoorDash card

Aug 16, 2024 5:59:37 PM ⇱ Me

Yeah I get it about the old song and dance but the divorce and the serving of paper still hanging out there is just I don’t know anxiety time
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 16, 2024 6:00:15 PM ⇱ Me

I it’s like done and dusted and like the judge has signed off on whatever the deal is going to be and everybody knows what’s up I think I’ll be better then

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Aug 16, 2024 6:06:34 PM ⇱ Me

I got the first installment of money in there Car is charging right now headed into target for cheap supplies

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Aug 16, 2024 6:21:38 PM Me

Short of breath

Aug 16, 2024 6:22:11 PM Me

Do you know all my ducks are gonna fall in row and then I’m gonna fall, drop the fucking dead all this fucking stress driving me bananas

Aug 16, 2024 6:26:14 PM Me

That old familiar feeling of not being good enough, or that I don’t deserve something, like staying at this beach house. There’s a part of my mind that thinks why the fuck are you staying there what have you done that special

Aug 16, 2024 6:27:32 PM Me

I just got nailed by big headache just fucking fell out of the sky and throbbing

Aug 16, 2024 6:31:04 PM Me

I need two weeks of absolutely nothing to do. No responsibilities and no commitments just two weeks of doing nothing. Not having to find a parking spot to sleep not having to hustle for juice for the car not having to hustle for money for eating. Just tired

Aug 16, 2024 6:32:04 PM Me

I don’t realize how tired I am from doing that, until I don’t have to do that. Meaning I’m staying at the house so I don’t have to think about electricity and parking. And that’s a huge amount off my brain but then I feel the rest of me wanting to just let go

Aug 16, 2024 6:49:51 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

I imagine

Aug 16, 2024 6:57:54 PM Me

Overwhelming sense of loneliness.

Aug 16, 2024 6:59:06 PM Me

Depression is kicking it hard

Aug 16, 2024 7:07:57 PM Me

I don’t think I wanna do this anymore. I don’t like my life and I don’t like where it’s going and I didn’t want this

Aug 16, 2024 7:08:45 PM Me

I just want everything to be over done I just don’t wanna do this anymore I don’t wanna wake up tomorrow and still be in this spot I just I’m sick and fucking tired of it

Aug 16, 2024 7:11:30 PM Me

I’m just needing an outlet event or something not event vent. I know the saying if you’re sick of the same result do something different in I have been doing that and nothings changing

Aug 16, 2024 7:11:49 PM Me

It sucks to feel like you are getting absolutely nowhere every single fucking day

Aug 16, 2024 7:13:47 PM Me

I spoke two words to another human being today, thank you. I just feel like a social outcast. I don’t feel part of the world in society or the bullshit all the happy people are doing

Aug 16, 2024 7:14:07 PM Me

I feel like I felt in high school but on a global scale

Aug 16, 2024 7:14:19 PM Me

The fucking outsider nobody wants to fucking hang out with

Aug 16, 2024 7:14:33 PM Me

OK done

Aug 16, 2024 7:17:10 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - if you really want to talk to folks - go somewhere, where you have common subject - darts or soccer and walk up and say hi to 10 people

Aug 16, 2024 7:46:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Aug 16, 2024 9:17:05 PM Me

This is one of the things that got me thinking about having all that other art I have online. People who come to my mahoney.com could also end up on the other site and see only goodness this guy has a lot of work he’s done lots of stuff anyway that’s what’s behind it

Aug 16, 2024 11:42:53 PM Me

Going to bed very depressed Not anything new i just never share thats how I find myself every evening before bed. It really sucks to have no joy or real fun in my life. No friends No family No colleagues No money im simply living an unloveable, unlikeable, and unwanted existence.

Aug 17, 2024 9:20:59 AM Me

Hey. Hope things are good there. Still alone, lost, and outcast. Same shit, for another day. I’m so done with this

Aug 17, 2024 9:25:48 AM Me

I literally hate being alive. But, cant upset other people, so ill put my wishes on the back burner like ive done my WHOLE LIFE. Stay around so others aren’t inconvenienced by me. I called this shit out over a year ago. Nothing has changed in over a FUCKING YEAR and Im sick of waking up into a reality not of my choosing. Just hate everything right now

Aug 17, 2024 10:49:04 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

It’s up to you to change your life. Ending it is not a change, it’s an end, PERIOD. If you really want to live the life you wish, then go make it happen. I realize you are starting from zero (which means nothing to lose really - so very little risk except false pride and a bruised ego - which are lies to keep you from being who you really are!) and you have to navigate depression (which you have learned how to do and are getting better at it everyday) Tell the negative futurist to shut the fuck up AND tell fear it has no power over you anymore. Take action today with selling your art. 🖼️

Aug 17, 2024 11:14:53 AM Me

K

Aug 17, 2024 11:30:15 AM Me

forwarded you an email from a guy I subscribed to on LI, Matt Gray. He has a process for you to discover “lost time” and find ways to automate and eliminate alot off your calendar. Be sure to check for it, worth a scan for sure.

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Aug 17, 2024 11:30:59 AM Me

My teacher Bhante today: Don't wait. Don't wait for the right time, the right place, or the right setting. Life is not waiting for you; it is simply ready for your attention.

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Aug 17, 2024 3:36:53 PM Me

Had therapy today. Also something good happened. A friend bought me tires for my balding ones. Have them installed next week.

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Aug 17, 2024 3:37:34 PM Me

Just need car to get ok from dealer and i could drive to CO after this sit

Aug 17, 2024 3:38:59 PM +13038752587

When is the sit over?

Aug 17, 2024 3:39:29 PM Me

25th

Aug 17, 2024 3:40:04 PM Me

I’d need a day to pull some things out of storage but then I could go.

Aug 17, 2024 4:43:23 PM Me

I just got hit in the head with the depression cricket bat. I find myself alone depressed and angry. Largely angry because I’m alone and don’t have anybody to share anything with Just sucks because it makes me more depressed it’s like a fucking demon feeding itself

Aug 17, 2024 4:50:24 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - do you want to sit and hang out with it and keep feeding it?

Aug 17, 2024 4:51:58 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Use it to create art. Get online and chat with someone Go for a walk and say hi to people I know the depression would talk you out of it, but do it anyway

Aug 17, 2024 4:52:16 PM Me

Nothing feels right nothing feels correct. Everything feels wrong, and that’s pretty much most of the time. That’s why I get in these fucking vicious loops I’ve been in a dark negative place so long it is my fucking default mode and I don’t like it. I am trying everything in my damn power to fight it but I spend my day fighting myself that’snot enjoyable at all It feels like I lose no matter what I do

Aug 17, 2024 4:54:05 PM Me

Very much “why bother”

Aug 17, 2024 4:54:13 PM Me

You just end up in a shit place no matter what

Aug 17, 2024 4:54:36 PM Me

Ultimately that is it for me. No matter what I can’t fucking escape it and I may never will

Aug 17, 2024 5:01:41 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

If you want to, you will

Aug 17, 2024 5:01:57 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Depression can be beat

Aug 17, 2024 5:02:06 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Your mind rewired

Aug 17, 2024 5:02:41 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

I am going to send you two emails , listen to this guy. Short videos

Aug 17, 2024 5:12:20 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

3 emails

Aug 17, 2024 5:12:34 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Listen - you will relate to his story

Aug 17, 2024 5:12:50 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be out of service for 3-4hrs

Aug 17, 2024 5:38:39 PM Me

Ok

Aug 17, 2024 9:18:11 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Did you watch them?

Aug 17, 2024 11:12:06 PM Me

Watching 3rd right now

Aug 17, 2024 11:16:10 PM Me

He keeps asking me what I want; I only want a hug. Liz gave me shit about asking for hugs saying it was needy, and I hugged in a way that she didn’t like. It felt like I was hanging on her like a wet towel. So I stopped asking for hugs and never asked for hugs from her ever again that was at least 10 years or more ago. and I just amplified my whole feeling like shit and got me crying for a good half an hour beating myself up because I’m mental illness is what destroyed my fucking life

Aug 17, 2024 11:21:37 PM Me

| I am living a life I don’t fucking want. He keeps asking what do you want to experience out of this life and honestly I come up fucking empty. I feel abused neglected and discarded like the fucking trash Tries I might I cannot shake the feeling of being rejected over and over and fucking over again and most of all but the woman who took a vow with me and then broke them I feel done with this life, honestly. I mean in a way Jenica confirms it too because she rejected me as well. she didn’t said she would be my friend and rejected me yet again after telling me she wasn’t rejecting me. All I get is messages of rejection. I get multiple rejections a day from email everyone is pursuing a new direction except for me I’m stuck in some fucking nightmare I just have no desire to rebuild my life I j
Edited 1 minute, 15 seconds later | I am living a life I don’t fucking want. He keeps asking what do you want to experience out of this life and honestly I come up fucking empty. I feel abused neglected and discarded like the fucking trash Tries I might I cannot shake the feeling of being rejected over and over and fucking over again and most of all but the woman who took a vow with me and then broke them I feel done with this life, honestly. I mean in a way Jenica confirms it too because she rejected me as well. she didn’t said she would be my friend and rejected me yet again after telling me she wasn’t rejecting me. All I get is messages of rejection. I get multiple rejections a day from email everyone is pursuing a new direction except for me I’m stuck in some fucking nightmare I just have no desire to rebuild my life that's what I want I want it to be over if I'm being honest. And obviously I’m too much of a chickenshit to go through with anything so I just have to wake up tomorrow morning and go through this all over again
Edited 2 minutes, 22 seconds later | I am living a life I don’t fucking want. He keeps asking what do you want to experience out of this life and honestly I come up fucking empty. I feel abused neglected and discarded like the fucking trash Tries I might I cannot shake the feeling of being rejected over and over and fucking over again and most of all but the woman who took a vow with me and then broke them I feel done with this life, honestly. I mean in a way Jenica confirms it too because she rejected me as well. she said she would be my friend and rejected me yet again after telling me she wasn’t rejecting me. Its awful because she made my heart fucking melt. so the universe takes that away from me too just when I had one thing in my life that felt good it gets taken away All I get is messages of rejection. I get multiple rejections a day from email everyone is pursuing a new direction except for me I’m stuck in some fucking nightmare I just have no desire to rebuild my life that's what I want I want it to be over if I'm being honest. And obviously I’m too much of a chickenshit to go through with anything so I just have to wake up tomorrow morning and go through this all over again

Aug 17, 2024 11:27:38 PM Me

I feel out of step in this world and out of sync in this reality. Nothing can save me. It is what it is.

Aug 17, 2024 11:28:44 PM Me

| I accept, I'm grateful, and fuck everything esle
Edited 11 seconds later | I accept, I'm grateful, and fuck everything else

Aug 17, 2024 11:29:04 PM Me

Good nite

Aug 18, 2024 8:06:12 AM Me

Hi

Aug 18, 2024 8:07:45 AM Me

Woke up middle of night crying, Don’t know why and that’s never happened to me before it was weird. And I woke up in a depressed state Days that start like this for me, historically or not great

Aug 18, 2024 8:08:45 AM Me

I’m hopeful that today will not be as mentally torturous as yesterday was

Aug 18, 2024 9:37:06 AM Me

Meeting with Greg this morning. Wish me luck 🎱

Aug 18, 2024 12:35:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ouroboros of the mind

Aug 18, 2024 12:35:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m just not fit for purpose

Aug 18, 2024 12:38:56 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Feel like I connect to other realities in my dreams and fight. Heidi told me this, Jenica told me this. Dog wasnt in bed this morning and looked at me with slight fear in her eye, like “please dont do that again” There are other versions of me living a better version of reality I can remember no details of any dreams, just that I wake up exhausted like I haven’t slept at all. OK, off to hopefully not piss away another whole day being a useless twat/asshat

Aug 18, 2024 12:40:15 PM Me

Just another day in a mind that wont fucking cooperate.

Aug 18, 2024 12:40:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve lost hope. That’s why when watching all three videos yesterday I couldn’t come up with what I want.

Aug 18, 2024 12:41:24 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

I cant think that far ahead, or something. I just know that I come up empty when I imagine what I want life to be. Nothing there

Aug 18, 2024 12:42:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, time to stop the whiny bitch shit

Aug 18, 2024 12:42:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I hate this

Aug 18, 2024 12:43:02 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

| Though drops: super depressed:
Edited 13 seconds later | Thought drops: super depressed:

Aug 18, 2024 12:43:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.notion.so/Journal-34878c3ca8834cdc9be35fcbb8625d1a?pvs=4

Aug 18, 2024 12:55:23 PM Me

I would love to put myself out there again and try to meet someone and move on past Jenica. However I don’t feel right doing it because my life is unsettled and I am unable to support myself. That’s not really attractive.

Aug 18, 2024 1:02:08 PM Me

Meditating right now to try to get the fuck out of this hole

Aug 18, 2024 1:03:52 PM Me

After I sent you that text about putting myself out there I went back to the app screen and the bumble dating app is staring me right in the face when I haven’t used it since I connected with Jenica. In fact I deleted my account we both did. We didn’t wanna date anyone else Thought it was a good match However she has things she wants in a partner and one who is being financially stable and that’s not me. It hurts so fucking much that the reason I lost her is because of money. It makes me so angry

Aug 18, 2024 1:06:25 PM Me

When you have a second could you help me decipher this particularly towards the end I kind of lose the point they’re trying to make about having answers and the focus of my life

Aug 18, 2024 3:43:39 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

What I get is no one has all the answers (no gurus). You have some answers, don’t discount them.

Aug 18, 2024 3:45:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 17 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Be prepared for change mentally and intellectually and in your ability to communicate it.

Aug 18, 2024 3:47:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I feel this happening already—its fucking confusing and draining simultaneously—makes me fragile and unstable

Aug 18, 2024 3:49:01 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t be too sensitive to what you are learning and don’t be too stubborn ( know it all or that’s ridiculous ). I love the line spite needs no advocate

Aug 18, 2024 3:49:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I feel a pendulum swing. Last Sunday was bliss and I was sleeping in my car. First day I approached normal in more than a year. This Sunday I’m a mild mess. Try to push against my procrastination and giong down rabbit holes in the mind and not doing shit. Then beat myself up and cry to sleep

Aug 18, 2024 3:55:36 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Simplify

Aug 18, 2024 4:01:46 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 19 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Set aside the professional career path- it takes a lot of time and has proven fruitless. Seek another steady means of reliable income - there is an hourly position out there. This will give you a base. Seek a series of house sitting gigs - no excuses. You have 7 days with a roof over your head. Create a basic - I mean bare bones online shop for selling your art. How did meeting with Greg go?

Aug 18, 2024 4:04:58 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Posting in the VCDA seems a good idea. Network it baby. Hey all im currently in between gigs and am looking for additional work if you know anyone who is looking for help I would appreciate an introduction. I am skilled at many things. Maybe list some.

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Aug 18, 2024 4:11:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Meeting went well. Intro to DJ, got NDA done and DJ now has access to all my work for Greg. He’s digesting it all and said he can come back on Wednesday with some ballpark stuff.

Aug 18, 2024 4:12:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Part of this next phase is building the public website—which I said to him I can do—but his focus (and money) is going into development to get it off the ground. Imagine in the next month he’ll kickoff with me. The promo public site should be done same time app is done, maybe a bit before

Aug 18, 2024 4:14:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I can look for house sitting gigs. however, I need to know if I can head your way. Financially I can’t. Need to get car looked at, have phone bill due soon, and 1st of 3 car installments is this Wednesday. If I look for house sitting I should look at Colorado if I;m headed that way. People book way ahead. That’s been my take.

Aug 18, 2024 4:18:03 PM ⇲ Me

OK, going to ping Dart people today. Spending 25 mins to get some web updates done and post that web update at the same time. I should fill you in on what I’m doing for the dart league’s website—slowly phasing in WP. Using it as the “news & events” section. Maybe get fee payment for tournaments online going. Live Site: https://vcda.org My dev site: https://dev.vcda.org

Aug 18, 2024 2:02:01 PM Me

Challenged by feeling that everything I’m doing is not right, ie, not what I should be doing.

Aug 18, 2024 2:21:50 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I want to post a note on VCDA board members Slack that I’m looking for work and attach my resume. I feel shame, but beyond that is it ethical? Am I stepping over a line I dont see?

Aug 18, 2024 3:42:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cant stop crying today

Aug 18, 2024 3:42:20 PM Me

my heart is hurting alot today

Aug 18, 2024 3:42:41 PM Me

“owner of a lonely heart”

Aug 18, 2024 3:43:39 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

What I get is no one has all the answers (no gurus). You have some answers, don’t discount them.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 3:45:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 17 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Be prepared for change mentally and intellectually and in your ability to communicate it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 3:47:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I feel this happening already—its fucking confusing and draining simultaneously—makes me fragile and unstable
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 3:49:01 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t be too sensitive to what you are learning and don’t be too stubborn ( know it all or that’s ridiculous ). I love the line spite needs no advocate
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 3:49:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I feel a pendulum swing. Last Sunday was bliss and I was sleeping in my car. First day I approached normal in more than a year. This Sunday I’m a mild mess. Try to push against my procrastination and giong down rabbit holes in the mind and not doing shit. Then beat myself up and cry to sleep
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 3:49:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“spite needs no advocate” fucking brilliant

Aug 18, 2024 3:50:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going in my t-shirt store

Aug 18, 2024 3:50:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

T-shirt saying what people think all the time but never say in polite company

Aug 18, 2024 3:51:41 PM Me

thinks t-shirts like cards against humanity

Aug 18, 2024 3:52:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“I’ve seen a midget shit in a bucket”

Aug 18, 2024 3:52:07 PM Me

weird shit like that

Aug 18, 2024 3:54:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

—— Doing my best to be present to my location and access to the beach, a bed, shower, etc.

Aug 18, 2024 3:54:56 PM Me

Interesting that once I have those, my brain spins the hamster wheel on other things

Aug 18, 2024 3:55:36 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Simplify
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Aug 18, 2024 3:55:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

message of make things simple, or simplicity

Aug 18, 2024 4:01:46 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 19 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Set aside the professional career path- it takes a lot of time and has proven fruitless. Seek another steady means of reliable income - there is an hourly position out there. This will give you a base. Seek a series of house sitting gigs - no excuses. You have 7 days with a roof over your head. Create a basic - I mean bare bones online shop for selling your art. How did meeting with Greg go?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 4:04:58 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Posting in the VCDA seems a good idea. Network it baby. Hey all im currently in between gigs and am looking for additional work if you know anyone who is looking for help I would appreciate an introduction. I am skilled at many things. Maybe list some.

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Aug 18, 2024 4:11:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Meeting went well. Intro to DJ, got NDA done and DJ now has access to all my work for Greg. He’s digesting it all and said he can come back on Wednesday with some ballpark stuff.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 4:12:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Part of this next phase is building the public website—which I said to him I can do—but his focus (and money) is going into development to get it off the ground. Imagine in the next month he’ll kickoff with me. The promo public site should be done same time app is done, maybe a bit before
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 4:14:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I can look for house sitting gigs. however, I need to know if I can head your way. Financially I can’t. Need to get car looked at, have phone bill due soon, and 1st of 3 car installments is this Wednesday. If I look for house sitting I should look at Colorado if I;m headed that way. People book way ahead. That’s been my take.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 4:18:03 PM ⇱ Me

OK, going to ping Dart people today. Spending 25 mins to get some web updates done and post that web update at the same time. I should fill you in on what I’m doing for the dart league’s website—slowly phasing in WP. Using it as the “news & events” section. Maybe get fee payment for tournaments online going. Live Site: https://vcda.org My dev site: https://dev.vcda.org
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 18, 2024 4:18:04 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Clarify the last part. You want to come to Colorado but can’t due to finances - is this correct?

Aug 18, 2024 5:22:01 PM ⇲ Me

| Yes, that's correct. I mean it’s plausible I could have enough money to get me to Las Vegas then I could DoorDash there to get me enough charge to jump to the next place and right now you know I just don’t know what the most prudent way is. Obviously the more risk reduction the better. I’ve been living in my car for a long time so my sense of risk is skewed compared to other people. I parked my car in some sketchy areas. Anyway yes finances to get my car a check up, then post check up what if it needs something Like it for sure needs brakes. I’ve had this car over a year and I’ve never put brakes on it I drove it cross-country and back I’ve never put brakes on it only two tires. Figure electric car tuneup and a brake job. Tomorrow morning I can call Ventura Volkswagen service department tell them my meat you know you’re making model And have them give me some ballpark numbers and say I’m trying to line up the money to get these things done to my car I need to know how much I’m looking to get. Beyond the car, then it’s money for charging and food. I can sleep in the car the whole way there I mean Christ I’ve slept in it for months what the hell is 34 more days gonna be and I’ll be in I think Better places I’ve been although truckstops are notorious for being super sketch but if I park in a lit area I know they have cameras, and besides once I park I never even open my doors I climbed from the front seat into the back and climb back into the front and drive away I never leave my car and my sleeping location
Edited 1 minute, 46 seconds later | Yes, that's correct. I mean it’s plausible I could have enough money to get me to Las Vegas then I could DoorDash there to get me enough charge to jump to the next place and right now you know I just don’t know what the most prudent way is. Obviously the more risk reduction the better. I’ve been living in my car for a long time so my sense of risk is skewed compared to other people. I parked my car in some sketchy areas. Anyway yes finances to get my car a check up, then post check up what if it needs something Like it for sure needs brakes. I’ve had this car over a year and I’ve never put brakes on it I drove it cross-country and back I’ve never put brakes on it only two tires. Figure electric car tuneup and a brake job. Tomorrow morning I can call Ventura Volkswagen service department tell them my making model And have them give me some ballpark numbers and say I’m trying to line up the money to get these things done to my car I need to know how much I’m looking to get. Beyond the car, then it’s money for charging and food. I can sleep in the car the whole way there I mean Christ I’ve slept in it for months what the hell is 34 more days gonna be and I’ll be in I think Better places I’ve been although truckstops are notorious for being super sketch but if I park in a lit area I know they have cameras, and besides once I park I never even open my doors I climbed from the front seat into the back and climb back into the front and drive away I never leave my car and my sleeping location

Aug 18, 2024 5:22:08 PM ⇲ Me

I just fucking recited a manual

Aug 18, 2024 5:22:43 PM ⇲ Me

I’m sitting in the parking lot of Vons DoorDash Ing. The app said it was busy and I could dash so it let me go on for another half an hour and I’m hoping I get something. Last time I did this I sat around for an hour and a half and got nothing

Aug 18, 2024 5:22:01 PM ⇱ Me

| Yes, that's correct. I mean it’s plausible I could have enough money to get me to Las Vegas then I could DoorDash there to get me enough charge to jump to the next place and right now you know I just don’t know what the most prudent way is. Obviously the more risk reduction the better. I’ve been living in my car for a long time so my sense of risk is skewed compared to other people. I parked my car in some sketchy areas. Anyway yes finances to get my car a check up, then post check up what if it needs something Like it for sure needs brakes. I’ve had this car over a year and I’ve never put brakes on it I drove it cross-country and back I’ve never put brakes on it only two tires. Figure electric car tuneup and a brake job. Tomorrow morning I can call Ventura Volkswagen service department tell them my meat you know you’re making model And have them give me some ballpark numbers and say I’m trying to line up the money to get these things done to my car I need to know how much I’m looking to get. Beyond the car, then it’s money for charging and food. I can sleep in the car the whole way there I mean Christ I’ve slept in it for months what the hell is 34 more days gonna be and I’ll be in I think Better places I’ve been although truckstops are notorious for being super sketch but if I park in a lit area I know they have cameras, and besides once I park I never even open my doors I climbed from the front seat into the back and climb back into the front and drive away I never leave my car and my sleeping location
Edited 1 minute, 46 seconds later | Yes, that's correct. I mean it’s plausible I could have enough money to get me to Las Vegas then I could DoorDash there to get me enough charge to jump to the next place and right now you know I just don’t know what the most prudent way is. Obviously the more risk reduction the better. I’ve been living in my car for a long time so my sense of risk is skewed compared to other people. I parked my car in some sketchy areas. Anyway yes finances to get my car a check up, then post check up what if it needs something Like it for sure needs brakes. I’ve had this car over a year and I’ve never put brakes on it I drove it cross-country and back I’ve never put brakes on it only two tires. Figure electric car tuneup and a brake job. Tomorrow morning I can call Ventura Volkswagen service department tell them my making model And have them give me some ballpark numbers and say I’m trying to line up the money to get these things done to my car I need to know how much I’m looking to get. Beyond the car, then it’s money for charging and food. I can sleep in the car the whole way there I mean Christ I’ve slept in it for months what the hell is 34 more days gonna be and I’ll be in I think Better places I’ve been although truckstops are notorious for being super sketch but if I park in a lit area I know they have cameras, and besides once I park I never even open my doors I climbed from the front seat into the back and climb back into the front and drive away I never leave my car and my sleeping location

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Aug 18, 2024 5:22:08 PM ⇱ Me

I just fucking recited a manual
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Aug 18, 2024 5:22:43 PM ⇱ Me

I’m sitting in the parking lot of Vons DoorDash Ing. The app said it was busy and I could dash so it let me go on for another half an hour and I’m hoping I get something. Last time I did this I sat around for an hour and a half and got nothing
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Aug 18, 2024 5:24:32 PM Me

Sorry about those massive fucking text blocks. It’s when I’m talking those happen

Aug 18, 2024 6:32:40 PM Me

Dashed for an hour and a half and got $11 off of two deliveries. Ventura is hard to make money in

Aug 18, 2024 6:37:41 PM Me

My tinnitus is off the fucking charts

Aug 18, 2024 10:05:56 PM Me

Don’t forget that shit you heard I love microwave man

Aug 18, 2024 10:05:59 PM Me

Instagram

Aug 18, 2024 10:06:21 PM Me

He is all about positivity and he really rips some rubber on his skid sliding in you’ll love this guy

Aug 18, 2024 10:06:49 PM Me

I’ve watched him for about a week now he’s got a lot of good videos all about telling people that that shit get them down and just stay positive and you got this he’s like a hype man

Aug 18, 2024 10:07:20 PM Me

| It’s like if you didn’t feel motivated to do something microwave man just come skit up in your front door and say don’t forget that shit you heard
Edited 24 seconds later | It’s like if you didn’t feel motivated to do something microwave man just come skid up in your front door and say don’t forget that shit you heard

Aug 19, 2024 12:04:27 AM Me

Instagram

Aug 19, 2024 9:49:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ugh

Aug 19, 2024 9:49:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

good morning over there

Aug 19, 2024 9:49:51 AM Me

are you on hotel hours?

Aug 19, 2024 10:22:41 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

No - not until Wednesday night - change in schedule

Aug 19, 2024 10:22:48 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

In an ai meeting

Aug 19, 2024 10:37:53 AM Me

k, emailed Liz about helping pay car insurance. I was flat honest with her and told her the truth about my mental state and my situation. I know she’s clueless about my sitiuation, and probably doesnt give a shit, but I have to try.

Aug 19, 2024 10:38:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Honestly, today is the first day I really feel the walls closing in on me.

Aug 19, 2024 10:38:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its really unsettling and I’ve been unable to stop crying since I’ve been up. I woke up in the middle of the night crying in my sleep too.

Aug 19, 2024 10:38:53 AM Me

Shits fucked up.

Aug 19, 2024 10:39:28 AM Me

BUT…. I’ll do my best to pretend I’m neurotypical like all the “normal” people in the world.

Aug 19, 2024 10:39:57 AM Me

Just pushing through another day to survive.

Aug 19, 2024 10:40:18 AM Me

I dont live, I’ve been survivng for years and its fucking with my head

Aug 19, 2024 10:44:12 AM Me

I dont like me, and honestly I could look in a mirror and say “I love you” until I die and nothing will change. I wake up everyday thinking “I dont want to do this again or anymore” and I have the same day over and over. People say “its a choice” and it may be for YOU, but in my head there is no choice, because it is WHAT IS. I see self love as totally narcissistic and deeply self centered. Just like when you run into obstinant self entitled asshats who think their shit dont smell. —those people. They are who I think of when I hear “self love” the self absorbed.

Aug 19, 2024 10:49:42 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 48 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Those people don’t actually feel that way it’s a front to protect them acknowledge their short comings. Self love is the most selfless act. It’s how you give the best of you to others

Aug 19, 2024 10:46:25 AM Me

I hate waking up wanting to get alot done. only to have my mentall bullshit sidetrack me all day, every day. Its frustration on multiple levels and takes 10x the work as “neuortypicals” to get the same shit done because I’m dealing with more in the head.

Aug 19, 2024 10:47:51 AM Me

I’ve come to terms with the fact there will be no epiphany where suddenly the world snaps into place for me like a LEGO.

Aug 19, 2024 10:48:18 AM Me

ok. I’ll take my rants to AI sorry about this

Aug 19, 2024 10:48:21 AM Me

habit

Aug 19, 2024 10:48:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can “riddle me this” with AI about this bullshit all day and not fill your phone with all my negative energy

Aug 19, 2024 10:49:42 AM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 48 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Those people don’t actually feel that way it’s a front to protect them acknowledge their short comings. Self love is the most selfless act. It’s how you give the best of you to others
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Aug 19, 2024 10:50:42 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t go down the rabbit hole - meditate, walk in the beach instead

Aug 19, 2024 10:51:02 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

What exact did you message Liz?

Aug 19, 2024 11:12:01 AM Me

Real quick, I always feel all the time like I’ve done something wrong

Aug 19, 2024 11:12:20 AM Me

As a kid as an adult as a teenager I always feel like I’ve done something wrong it just flutes in the air

Aug 19, 2024 11:12:34 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

I feel that too.

Aug 19, 2024 11:13:03 AM Me

But then there’s this somebody’s gonna find out and then it’s all fucking over

Aug 19, 2024 11:13:20 AM Me

It’s it’s an anxiety and it kind of underpins everything

Aug 19, 2024 11:13:32 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I wonder where this stems from. Part of imposter syndrome??

Aug 19, 2024 11:14:08 AM Me

Most likely and could be triggered by rejection as well. I see rejection and imposter syndrome sort of as cousins

Aug 19, 2024 11:14:21 AM Me

One minute cleaning up dog poo on the beach

Aug 19, 2024 11:16:16 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Phone charging- bbs

Aug 19, 2024 11:44:10 AM Me

I emailed Liz about car insurance to see if she can pay. Its overdue and if they turn it off, I can’t drive. The subaru is on it and I’ve been paying for it since I moved out.

Aug 19, 2024 11:45:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I mentioned that I covered the last one borrowing money (truth) and she had said she was helping Aidan, so couldn’t pay. And now I’m asking again. I also mention my current state of mind and what up for me. I’m telling her what I’m struggling with. Thing is I held all this back from her when together. I shouldn’t hold on to these things.

Aug 19, 2024 11:46:44 AM Me

here’s the email. — Hi, Can you cover this insurance this month? I paid last month by borrowing money from someone after you told me you couldn't because of helping Aidan. I've paid for Subaru's insurance while unemployed and homeless, liquidating retirement funds (I have no retirement money of any kind). I have zero personal resources, I have $8 in my pocket right now. If insurance is lost, I'll be on the street. I have no other options. Could you please help me stay off the street? I need more runway, but I can't seem to find it. :-( -- Side note: Depression has been off the charts. I've had my hardest days ever recently. I'm on max medications. It's hard to do basic self-care because I don't want to; because why bother? There is no future, hope, or optimism—I've lost all that; you lose it. You wake up with more rejection coming from all angles of my life, dreading every day for over two years. I wake up wondering why I woke up. I just take up space and am of service to no one. No one needs me; I'm unloveable and unworthy, so I want to go away. I'm simply trying to exist, and that is a struggle. And honestly, I'm not sure if it's a struggle worth continuing. I don't see anything hopeful or positive ahead for me. Every day, I wake up and go through the day only to have it show me there is no hope. Only more suffering and pain—that's all I've had every day for years now. Kindness was my default, and now I struggle to find it. I'm not trying to play you, pluck heartstrings, or manipulate you in any way. I'm telling you about my situation, daily recurring thoughts, and my current daily life experience, which is not something I would wish upon my worst enemy (not that I have one). At a point where I don't have many options left. And even with all that, I hope you are well and think of you often. Be well, Bert

Aug 19, 2024 11:48:16 AM Me

I know there are things I could have said a different way, or phrased a different way — but that’s just it, if I take time to polish it, is it real? Is it true? Or varnished truth? Anyhow, I sent it. There are no lies in there. I know you’ve heard everything in there multiples times. It is what it is.

Aug 19, 2024 11:49:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That is the shit running around in my head on a daily basis.

Aug 19, 2024 11:49:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I’ve discovered I use Kindness as a mask

Aug 19, 2024 11:49:35 AM Me

So is my kindness genuine? Or manufactured for survival?

Aug 19, 2024 11:49:52 AM Me

Endless hall of questions

Aug 19, 2024 11:50:20 AM Me

k, just back from beach. Going to try and meditate. It’s going for noon and I’ve been useless today

Aug 19, 2024 11:50:36 AM Me

🥺

Aug 19, 2024 11:57:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, working on making a daily plan for myself. not one tied to the clock, rather, steps, or consistent things I do every morning. I dont have that at all. I have to figure everything out every day. draining. I’ll cook it up with AI. For example, it takes at least one hour from waking before I’m on the laptop, meditate, coffee, etc before touching keyboards of phones. lmkw

Aug 19, 2024 12:08:59 PM Me

I did just send another email to Liz making clear I have no intention of harming myself or taking my life. That last email on re-read has parts that are weird. Sent this for what its worth: — Hi Elizabeth, I want to apologize. My last email to you was a bit dire to re-read. I wrote in a stream of consciousness and didn't edit. I want you to know I have no intention of harming myself. I have no intention of taking my life. I want you to know these things. I could never do that to the boys; leave them that way. Not how I would want them to remember me. You don't have to worry about any of that. That's all. Be well, Bert

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Aug 19, 2024 12:25:20 PM Me

Cool I’m glad you gave that a thumbs up that helps alleviate some stress

Aug 19, 2024 12:26:52 PM Me

I just got done moving my hosts two cars to the other side of the street because they have street cleaning early tomorrow morning and the cop cars follow the street sweeper down the road and issue tickets immediately so they asked if it was any inconvenience of me to move their cars. It made me Laugh. 🤣🤣 I just texted them a photo of where their cars are parked and told them what two streets it’s between and said I wanted to send this to you for peace of mind you will have no parking tickets 🤣

Aug 19, 2024 12:38:53 PM Me

whats up for you today??

Aug 19, 2024 1:51:09 PM Me

do answer the ? above. i did a good 20 mins with Daviji. At Starbucks outside the harbor for a change of scenery. See people go by and not feel so isolated. Watched a good crappy childhood fairy video today where she talked about how we isolate to protect ourselves from being triggered, but then you turn into the grouchy old man you see barely leave his house who takes the balls from kids who are unlucky to kick theirs there.

Aug 19, 2024 1:54:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to work on VCDA website, Check in with DJ on ?s, and work on bert.foresale, and then make art later. Boys are supposed to come down all day tomorrow, but Darragh cant spend the night so take him back up after dinner. It will be the last time I see him for an unknown amount of time. I know he’ll be at Thacher for Thanksgiving and Christmas of course with Liz. However, who knows where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing. Right now if I could do only one thing—timetravel back to my college art studio space so I could paint like I did back then.

Aug 19, 2024 1:54:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I remember it being a huge release when I would go to studio

Aug 19, 2024 1:55:03 PM Me

I have ALOT of shit I can put on paper—lots of internal material. Content volume like Basquiat, but a totally different style.

Aug 19, 2024 1:55:45 PM Me

thing is I cant pay bills doing paintings like that. it’s plausible, but who knows if it will happen.

Aug 19, 2024 1:55:54 PM Me

ok to the laptop. ping you soon

Aug 19, 2024 2:01:54 PM Me

| ps. Did some adulting (not adultery) which is hard for me. Taking care of responsibilities on deadlines is a bitch when you’re inside my head. You fight yourself internally to hit them—all my life. I digress. Contacted VW Ventura about an electric car service and pricing. Once it gets in there, they’ll estimate the brake job which I’m 90% sure will need to happen ($~600) Its a fucking nightmare trying to find yourself, or reinvent yourself and get back on your feet, and have it feel real and authentic not dissociative or liminal. I simply would like whatever this childhood trauma monster is to get its boot off my neck and go the fuck away. You’ve done your work of protecting me, and now you’re fucking me up.
Edited 21 seconds later | ps. Did some adulting (not adultery) which is hard for me. Taking care of responsibilities on deadlines is a bitch when you’re inside my head. You fight yourself internally to hit them—all my life. I digress. Contacted VW Ventura about an electric car service and pricing. Once it gets in there, they’ll estimate the brake job which I’m 90% sure will need to happen ($~600) pss. Its a fucking nightmare trying to find yourself, or reinvent yourself and get back on your feet, and have it feel real and authentic not dissociative or liminal. I simply would like whatever this childhood trauma monster is to get its boot off my neck and go the fuck away. You’ve done your work of protecting me, and now you’re fucking me up.

Aug 19, 2024 2:15:07 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Catching up on life

Aug 19, 2024 2:25:12 PM Me

You’re catching up on life? How so?

Aug 19, 2024 2:25:58 PM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Yes - biils, kids school new work

Aug 19, 2024 2:26:27 PM Me

Ah, gotcha.

Aug 19, 2024 2:27:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Like walking in and tiding up the kids room. Shits everywhere, its all there, but it makes no sense, no order, etc knda like that?

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Aug 19, 2024 2:27:31 PM Me

Groking it, or “wrapping your head around it”

Aug 19, 2024 2:27:50 PM Me

I should ask AI to illustrate that one: wrapping your head around it

Aug 19, 2024 2:29:08 PM Me

Question, should I text Don and Tree to ask about staying at their place? Or are you already doing something/have something in the works?

Aug 19, 2024 2:30:36 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I have not yet / do you have estimated dates? What’s the plan once you get here?

Aug 19, 2024 2:33:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

havent gotten that far yet, what I’m doing when there. Obviously keep working on my art, and then I’ll go find something at a brewery or some shit that needs a body. Not sure if there are any of those jobs around. I could ALSO work at a dispensary because I have extensive knowledge and first hand experience, and I’m good with people and customer service. I could be valuable to the right place. Just thinking, if you know someone by extension who works in that world, I would be very interested to get my foot in the door in that industry honestly. Shit tons of money moving around, we all know that.

Aug 19, 2024 2:34:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

everyone I’ve come across in that world is not an asshole, go figure hahaha

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Aug 19, 2024 2:44:10 PM Me

Also out there I don't know anyone. So I don’t have that subconscious stigma of working at Starbucks or a grocery market and seeing the parent of a kid I used to coach 10 years ago. Have them look at me and go what the fuck? Possibly out loud not just in the head. I just did not want that happening Just two triggering and the amount of masking that would have to happen would be off the damn charts. To survive the encounter I could probably pull it off because I’m an Oscar worthy performer you have no idea when I’m doing it because it’s that fucking good. Maybe acting?

Aug 19, 2024 2:44:15 PM Me

Haha

Aug 19, 2024 6:25:29 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Sent job lead for Carbondale

Aug 19, 2024 6:28:57 PM Me

I just saw that — OMG

Aug 19, 2024 6:29:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I may pray on my knees for this.

Aug 19, 2024 6:31:42 PM Me

Actually going to email Cynthia at Sepse Creek. As her to vouch for me. I know her really well, we’re freinds so I know if I ask her to either call, or email him and say, “hey, this is (who she is) and I know this guy Bert who has applied for your advertised position. You should talk to him. Knows digital inside and out, plus VERY experienced consumer and knowledgable of the product, strains, and terpenes.”

Aug 19, 2024 6:32:36 PM Me

Here’s Hiring Manager info. Maybe you know someone who might know him. Maybe has kids in school?: Sam Claytor Co-Founder and President at Hygenix

Aug 19, 2024 6:32:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sam-claytor-946243185/

Aug 19, 2024 6:37:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ll apply tonight and reach out to Cynthia. If this could work out, holy shit. I could drive out and already have this lined up. Wishful thinking but he has to find someone. I know I have the chops and more. Its almost riducuous to say not hiring me might an error. 🤣🤣🤣 I know I could crush that work

Aug 19, 2024 6:38:00 PM Me

k, dinner and walking dog

Aug 19, 2024 6:38:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

DJ and I met today to talk over project. He’s feeling the squeeze on funds too.

Aug 19, 2024 7:07:02 PM Me

I chose not to choose life I chose something else

Aug 19, 2024 7:07:05 PM Me

Spotify

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Aug 19, 2024 7:42:19 PM Me

I’m sure you remember that from Trainspotting

Aug 19, 2024 7:42:32 PM Me

I found a Trainspotting playlist on Spotify going to paint to it

Aug 19, 2024 8:02:55 PM Me

A blank canvas one block from the ocean k

Aug 19, 2024 9:06:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the building where the biz is in carbondale is in teh same building I got my weed. Goodflower.

Aug 19, 2024 9:07:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know Beck from Goodflower. Talked on way out and back. I could get a reminder to Beck and see if she could put in a word for me.

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Aug 20, 2024 8:48:34 AM Me

Hey good morning, I am on my way to pick up Declan and Darragh at Starbucks in Ojai and take them down to the beach for the day. Have to bring them up tonight because Darragh has to pack his trip is 48 hours from now so he doesn’t want to spend the night and wake up and he’ll just feel stressed so I’m like cool you know we’ll do your thing soanyhow wanted to let you know.

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Aug 20, 2024 8:49:46 AM Me

Also let me know about staying somewhere I know I’m applying to this Carbondale thing and if it falls into place great I can get a place I can get on my feet. But if it doesn’t I won’t have a place. So should I reach out to Tricia and Dawn? Or are you talking with everybody on that side that I might be coming? I don’t wanna show up and have it be a surprise for everyone for sure I don’t want to be somebody else’s problem because I’m not

Aug 20, 2024 9:07:02 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 19 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

I will give all a heads up

Aug 20, 2024 9:36:42 PM Me

Just had an incredibly emotional goodbye with Darragh. Texting this to you right now is triggering me. He was composed all day until he got out of the car to walk upstairs as he gave me a hug he started to cry and Declan comment why are you crying and answered Saying he’s realizing he doesn’t know when he’s going to see me again. And that reality sunken really hard

Aug 20, 2024 9:43:14 PM Me

I’m in a weird space at the moment.

Aug 20, 2024 10:06:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, back at the beach and just discovered that Liz has been served the Divorce papers.

Aug 20, 2024 10:07:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I did a search and confirmed. She was served yesterday around noon.

Aug 20, 2024 10:07:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So now its weird to communicate with her. Should I still?

Aug 20, 2024 10:18:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I want to text her and say… I realize you have the divorce paperwork in hand. I didn’t want this, but you said you did. I was under the impression I was going to be on healthcare until I have a job. 2 procedures I was working on getting taken care of now have stopped. Back surgery for disc degeneration and something else. So since i’m not on your healthcare anymore and you aren’t moving on the filing then I did. I can’t wait around. I need support which I should have been getting from day one . I’ve been emotionally and psychologically tortured having to live in my car. I filed because I have no other choice to move forward with my life. I’m done waiting around. If you didn’t want paperwork, then you should have said something to me. As it is now I don’t want to EVER see or talk to you EVER again. Should you cross paths with me you will feel my fury without guardrails. Consider yourself fairly warned about MY BOUNDARIES you will respect as I have HONORED YOURS.

Aug 21, 2024 10:09:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

any thoughts on this? Of course the morning after I see shit… I just dont know if this is worth sending. The comments about never see or talk again. I could make it more if I see you I wont engage with you because I have a boundary and you’re not allowed in my world. Also, I’m wondering if she’s having second thoughts now that she’s staring at the paperwork.... Its a different thing to say it, and then see it in your hands…. I have not access or insight into what’s going on for her so I’m lost as to what to do, other than be quiet, which is what I always do and don’t want to do in this instance.

Aug 21, 2024 10:28:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

forwarded an email. today is another hard day for me and only been up an hour. I feel numb, mentally and physically. As if I just want to stop doing anything that is ‘TRYING” and give up. Nothing is working. No one wants me. I feel so done today and I have to go door dash because I only have $9 to my name Realizing if I had checked out last summer I would have saved myself an entire year of this bullshit. Its like… you want another year of this?? Because nothing is indicating its going to get any better. Maybe I’ve not hit “rock bottom” yet? I fell like I have, but who knows? Maybe I have even farther to fall, more to do, more to climb. What I know right now, today, is that if my life is like this on Dec 31, 2024 I am going to seriously reconsider living — that will be Jan 1—Dec 31 + of this shit existence. I’ve simply had enough of this world.

Aug 21, 2024 10:30:23 AM ⇲ Me

| I don’t want to be here, in this dimension, because it hurts every day and have no feel no joy.
Edited 13 seconds later | I don’t want to be here, in this dimension, because it hurts every day and have no joy.

Aug 21, 2024 10:31:21 AM ⇲ Me

RIght now, in this moment, NOT living is way more appealing to me. Not that I’m going to do anything, but walking around 24/7 not wanting to be here is no fun.

Aug 21, 2024 10:31:36 AM ⇲ Me

its torture to be alive

Aug 21, 2024 10:31:53 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t send anything

Aug 21, 2024 10:32:03 AM ⇲ Me

emotional and psychological torture

Aug 21, 2024 10:32:09 AM ⇲ Me

on a daily basis

Aug 21, 2024 10:32:17 AM ⇲ Me

for over a year

Aug 21, 2024 10:32:21 AM ⇲ Me

it fucks you up

Aug 21, 2024 10:33:26 AM ⇲ Me

| I spend half my days just getting this bullshit out of the way so I can pretend to do something that contributes to something thank feeling self-absorbed, self-centered, narcissist only worrried about themselves.
Edited 58 seconds later | I spend half my days just getting this bullshit out of the way so I can pretend to do something that contributes to something. I feel like a self-absorbed, self-centered, narcissist only worrried about themselves.

Aug 21, 2024 10:34:45 AM ⇲ Me

anyhow, back to the bullshit

Aug 21, 2024 10:36:26 AM ⇲ Me

feeling frozen, not sure what to do or work on, or push on. Nothing seems to work, so makes me unsure.

Aug 21, 2024 10:36:43 AM ⇲ Me

Feels like I spend all my time on things that dont matter

Aug 21, 2024 10:36:48 AM ⇲ Me

because nothing changes

Aug 21, 2024 11:12:02 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 6 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

One - it seems the incentives are out there to snap you out of the funk. If you want to go to college drop off - make it happen, period. No excuses. Reaching out to Liz and asking if she still wants to proceed with a divorce is a fair question. Are you prepared for a “no” response? Do you want to reconcile? (At a minimum it requires no alcohol, no weed, getting consistent mental health counseling - which from an outside perspective is what you need to do to get yourself healthy period). I understand you are focused on surviving but what if you focused on a step over surviving. As I have mentioned the career path has not been productive. Any hourly position would have you in a better place. I know you submitted a few, but I think a temp agency would be helpful fastest path to decent cash. Seek the possible.

Aug 21, 2024 1:29:56 PM ⇲ Me

that’s an interesting question, if she said no. I wonder if I did nothing if she would reach out if she’s feeling or would she just go through it out of spite or stubbornness.

Aug 21, 2024 1:31:05 PM ⇲ Me

and honestly I’d be fine with no alcohol or weed. I don’t drink now and when I can smoke I do but again I don’t have the budget to afford that so I am where I am. I don’t think that would be any kind of challenge for me

Aug 21, 2024 1:34:30 PM ⇲ Me

The challenge I see. Or, is that I I have a condition on my side of any agreement to reconcile if I’m not doing alcohol in the weed etc. We better be fucking a lot. No sex no reconcile. I will not live without physical intimacy on a regular basis if I’m to be in a relationship with someone I also don’t wanna be fucking ghosted just disappearing and not telling me where the fuck you’re going or what you’re doing is weird maybe that’s the way your parents did things but I don’t wanna do that

Aug 21, 2024 1:34:58 PM ⇲ Me

They’d have to be a ton of fucking marriage counseling

Aug 21, 2024 1:36:28 PM ⇲ Me

honestly, she said it to me when I called her from Colorado if you recall that night I went over to your mom‘s house and we had dinner with Andre. She told me that it’s been really nice not having you here. I don’t think that’s changed for her I think she likes me there and has enjoyed not having me in her life. I straight up asked The last night if she has a boyfriend and they said no

Aug 21, 2024 1:37:05 PM ⇲ Me

if there is to be some kind of reconciliation like don’t we need somebody between us to like bring everybody together so there’s no explosions on the way or do we just try to wing it on our own?

Aug 21, 2024 1:40:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

I highly suggest regularly counseling as part of a potential reconcilation

Aug 21, 2024 1:40:59 PM ⇲ Me

So there are a lot of questions there: should I sit and wait? I know she’s going up for the parent's weekend 28th 29th thing. That would be the kind of event where we’re both there for one of our kids, but we would be brought together somehow. I don’t know. I guess I got a look inside my heart and see if there’s anything there for her. Right now, I don’t feel it. I’ve gone through so much trying to get to where I am and get some semblance of valance that I haven’t had in a long time

Aug 21, 2024 1:42:35 PM ⇲ Me

right now I’m stuck with 17 miles left in my battery and I am waiting in line 2nd car deep waiting for a charger I have my dash unpause but that only lasts for 30 minutes and then they kick you out. So I gotta I can get on a charger soon and hope that toggling the weight is will work and keep me on the dash

Aug 21, 2024 1:55:12 PM ⇲ Me

Hooked up, 14 mins until they take me off the dash. Had to take $20 for charging car. Down to $530 😞

Aug 21, 2024 1:56:05 PM ⇲ Me

Today's word is: fucked F. U. C. K. E. D. Say it with me. 😁

Aug 21, 2024 1:56:37 PM ⇲ Me

Spend one day with boys no dashing and I get buttfucked for it.

Aug 20, 2024 10:19:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anything other than honoring and respecting my boundaries will be met with the likes you’ve never seen.

Aug 20, 2024 10:20:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wow I have so many emotions going on right now I almost cant take this

Aug 20, 2024 10:20:38 PM Me

ugh

Aug 20, 2024 10:27:06 PM Me

I feel so incredibly alone

Aug 20, 2024 10:32:14 PM Me

I hate it so much it makes me want to leave this existence. that and having my heart broken so fucking hard by Liz I'm still crying because of it and likely always will. She'll never know how much I loved her until she's on the other side. All of it drives me Towards oblivion It’s hard to be positive forward looking an optimistic While you experience your life being destroyed from under your feet. This entire experience has been far too much consequence for anything I have ever done The feeling I have is of someone who’s been sitting in a prison forever for a crime they didn’t commit

Aug 20, 2024 10:33:47 PM Me

I just wish that somehow I could make this all go away. I can’t but I can make me go away. But that’s not an option so I have to stay in suffer because it’s what I choose

Aug 20, 2024 10:36:34 PM Me

It’s not so much choosing it it’s choosing something else and by default I end up in this space which is I don’t wanna fucking be here living this life I didn’t sign up for this and I don’t want it so I should be able to make the decision and call Dr. Kevorkian and make a plan and get the fuck out of here. To me the logic is flawed. I should be able to make a decision about my life and do with it as I please. If that means I don’t wanna live anymore then that’s my choice. But other people want me here and I don’t wanna be here . So where does that leave me and my wishes and my decisions? They end up right where they have my entire life on the back fucking burner for somebody else. I’ve lived my whole life that way. I’ve always put myself on the back burner and I’m frankly fucking done with that

Aug 20, 2024 10:37:27 PM Me

If I see 2025 I will be surprised.

Aug 20, 2024 10:39:54 PM Me

I’m just struggling I’m not doing anything stupid I’m just talking and struggling with all of this

Aug 20, 2024 10:40:23 PM Me

I just don’t know who I fucked over to get dealt such a shit hand

Aug 20, 2024 10:42:46 PM Me

Every day of my marriage I tried to be the best possible husband I could be for her. And it shows in the birthday cards and such I got from her. With those sentiments on those cards just empty slogans? Was it all fake? I feel like I’ve lived my whole life and I haven’t really done anything Other than take up space and upset people and feel like I’m not good enough to be here. Like just to exist. I don’t feel good enough to be alive because deep down I’m not good enough

Aug 20, 2024 10:43:25 PM Me

Ok I’ll stop ranting apologies for filling your phone again, I need to be doing this with the AI

Aug 21, 2024 8:33:18 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning. Just read this all now. Lots of emotions flowing out. It’s good to get them out of your head.

Aug 21, 2024 9:05:01 AM Me

Yeah. Its alot

Aug 21, 2024 10:09:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

any thoughts on this? Of course the morning after I see shit… I just dont know if this is worth sending. The comments about never see or talk again. I could make it more if I see you I wont engage with you because I have a boundary and you’re not allowed in my world. Also, I’m wondering if she’s having second thoughts now that she’s staring at the paperwork.... Its a different thing to say it, and then see it in your hands…. I have not access or insight into what’s going on for her so I’m lost as to what to do, other than be quiet, which is what I always do and don’t want to do in this instance.
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Aug 21, 2024 10:28:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

forwarded an email. today is another hard day for me and only been up an hour. I feel numb, mentally and physically. As if I just want to stop doing anything that is ‘TRYING” and give up. Nothing is working. No one wants me. I feel so done today and I have to go door dash because I only have $9 to my name Realizing if I had checked out last summer I would have saved myself an entire year of this bullshit. Its like… you want another year of this?? Because nothing is indicating its going to get any better. Maybe I’ve not hit “rock bottom” yet? I fell like I have, but who knows? Maybe I have even farther to fall, more to do, more to climb. What I know right now, today, is that if my life is like this on Dec 31, 2024 I am going to seriously reconsider living — that will be Jan 1—Dec 31 + of this shit existence. I’ve simply had enough of this world.
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Aug 21, 2024 10:30:23 AM ⇱ Me

| I don’t want to be here, in this dimension, because it hurts every day and have no feel no joy.
Edited 13 seconds later | I don’t want to be here, in this dimension, because it hurts every day and have no joy.

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Aug 21, 2024 10:31:21 AM ⇱ Me

RIght now, in this moment, NOT living is way more appealing to me. Not that I’m going to do anything, but walking around 24/7 not wanting to be here is no fun.
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Aug 21, 2024 10:31:36 AM ⇱ Me

its torture to be alive
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:31:53 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t send anything
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:32:03 AM ⇱ Me

emotional and psychological torture
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:32:09 AM ⇱ Me

on a daily basis
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:32:17 AM ⇱ Me

for over a year
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:32:21 AM ⇱ Me

it fucks you up
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:33:26 AM ⇱ Me

| I spend half my days just getting this bullshit out of the way so I can pretend to do something that contributes to something thank feeling self-absorbed, self-centered, narcissist only worrried about themselves.
Edited 58 seconds later | I spend half my days just getting this bullshit out of the way so I can pretend to do something that contributes to something. I feel like a self-absorbed, self-centered, narcissist only worrried about themselves.

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Aug 21, 2024 10:34:45 AM ⇱ Me

anyhow, back to the bullshit
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:36:26 AM ⇱ Me

feeling frozen, not sure what to do or work on, or push on. Nothing seems to work, so makes me unsure.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:36:43 AM ⇱ Me

Feels like I spend all my time on things that dont matter
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 10:36:48 AM ⇱ Me

because nothing changes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 11:12:02 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 6 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

One - it seems the incentives are out there to snap you out of the funk. If you want to go to college drop off - make it happen, period. No excuses. Reaching out to Liz and asking if she still wants to proceed with a divorce is a fair question. Are you prepared for a “no” response? Do you want to reconcile? (At a minimum it requires no alcohol, no weed, getting consistent mental health counseling - which from an outside perspective is what you need to do to get yourself healthy period). I understand you are focused on surviving but what if you focused on a step over surviving. As I have mentioned the career path has not been productive. Any hourly position would have you in a better place. I know you submitted a few, but I think a temp agency would be helpful fastest path to decent cash. Seek the possible.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:20:38 PM Me

right now I’m just focused on surviving today

Aug 21, 2024 1:25:16 PM Me

I didn’t mention that yesterday we went to lunch at In-N-Out, and the boys each ordered what they wanted and I didn’t have enough money to buy myself lunch. So I just bought them lunch and sat and just talked with them. It was incredibly to me and I’m sure they weren’t thinking anything of that but I know they were awareabout me not ordering and they knew not to say anything because they knew I didn’t have the money

Aug 21, 2024 1:26:00 PM Me

I mean that’s some damn good kids right there

Aug 21, 2024 1:26:19 PM Me

they never once brought it up the whole goddamn time or the whole day

Aug 21, 2024 1:29:56 PM ⇱ Me

that’s an interesting question, if she said no. I wonder if I did nothing if she would reach out if she’s feeling or would she just go through it out of spite or stubbornness.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:31:05 PM ⇱ Me

and honestly I’d be fine with no alcohol or weed. I don’t drink now and when I can smoke I do but again I don’t have the budget to afford that so I am where I am. I don’t think that would be any kind of challenge for me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:34:30 PM ⇱ Me

The challenge I see. Or, is that I I have a condition on my side of any agreement to reconcile if I’m not doing alcohol in the weed etc. We better be fucking a lot. No sex no reconcile. I will not live without physical intimacy on a regular basis if I’m to be in a relationship with someone I also don’t wanna be fucking ghosted just disappearing and not telling me where the fuck you’re going or what you’re doing is weird maybe that’s the way your parents did things but I don’t wanna do that
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:34:58 PM ⇱ Me

They’d have to be a ton of fucking marriage counseling
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:36:28 PM ⇱ Me

honestly, she said it to me when I called her from Colorado if you recall that night I went over to your mom‘s house and we had dinner with Andre. She told me that it’s been really nice not having you here. I don’t think that’s changed for her I think she likes me there and has enjoyed not having me in her life. I straight up asked The last night if she has a boyfriend and they said no
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:37:05 PM ⇱ Me

if there is to be some kind of reconciliation like don’t we need somebody between us to like bring everybody together so there’s no explosions on the way or do we just try to wing it on our own?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:40:21 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

I highly suggest regularly counseling as part of a potential reconcilation
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:40:59 PM ⇱ Me

So there are a lot of questions there: should I sit and wait? I know she’s going up for the parent's weekend 28th 29th thing. That would be the kind of event where we’re both there for one of our kids, but we would be brought together somehow. I don’t know. I guess I got a look inside my heart and see if there’s anything there for her. Right now, I don’t feel it. I’ve gone through so much trying to get to where I am and get some semblance of valance that I haven’t had in a long time
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:42:35 PM ⇱ Me

right now I’m stuck with 17 miles left in my battery and I am waiting in line 2nd car deep waiting for a charger I have my dash unpause but that only lasts for 30 minutes and then they kick you out. So I gotta I can get on a charger soon and hope that toggling the weight is will work and keep me on the dash
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:45:32 PM Me

Adobe fucked me over. I turned off this and they still took money. Now my car payment is going to fucking bounce because I don’t have $600 in there

Aug 21, 2024 1:49:02 PM Me

I am literally fucking shaking at this moment. I had $610 in there to cover my car payment. I don’t know how Adobe got the fuck in there and took money. But they have fucked me. I have no idea if I can hustle 50 bucks. Right now I’m still waiting for a fucking charger and I’m gonna lose my DoorDash. , and at this point I’m likely to lose my fucking car. I cannot fucking get ahead

Aug 21, 2024 1:55:12 PM ⇱ Me

Hooked up, 14 mins until they take me off the dash. Had to take $20 for charging car. Down to $530 😞
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:56:05 PM ⇱ Me

Today's word is: fucked F. U. C. K. E. D. Say it with me. 😁
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 1:56:37 PM ⇱ Me

Spend one day with boys no dashing and I get buttfucked for it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 21, 2024 2:10:26 PM Me

Just sitting here in silence staring at DoorDash trying to get money to fall out of the sky

Aug 21, 2024 2:30:53 PM Me

Dashing done. Paid for the charge

Aug 21, 2024 2:31:22 PM Me

Have another dash from 4-7:30 Pray I make $70

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Aug 21, 2024 2:34:58 PM (Read by you after 34 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Be grateful for what you have - lots of negative energy

Aug 21, 2024 2:35:42 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

You have to practice mindfulness and be constantly reframing every into the positive.

Aug 21, 2024 3:10:00 PM Me

some basics that will get me probably three meals maybe four eggs

Aug 21, 2024 5:17:04 PM Me

$68 short right now. Out dashing for 3 hrs. Haven't been able to walk dog yet. Feel bad. Earlier was feeling wrong or I didn't belong, or I had done something bad. I have to stop letting myself fall into these traps my psyche lays out in front of you

Aug 21, 2024 6:40:07 PM Me

$55 short still

Aug 21, 2024 6:41:22 PM Me

I still can't believe this it’s such bullshit because now I’ve spent the whole fucking day trying to chase something and I’ve lost a whole day of applying or doing something productive to try to get me to make money faster than fucking DoorDash and

Aug 21, 2024 6:41:54 PM Me

Like work on the computer when I get done today by the time that happens it will be 9 o’clock and I’m gonna be fucking spent and I won’t have any energy. I am never getting out of this fucking hole and now my car is gonna be taken away I’m so fucked

Aug 21, 2024 6:42:35 PM Me

For an hour and a half I’ve been doing a lot of positive thinking about money I’m gonna make money this isn’t gonna be a problem and I’ve made 15 bucks I need 55 more dollars

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Aug 21, 2024 6:50:45 PM Me

On a $10 delivery now

Aug 21, 2024 7:28:31 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Keep going

Aug 21, 2024 7:45:47 PM Me

Close

Aug 21, 2024 7:47:17 PM Me

40 mins left $25 shy

Aug 21, 2024 8:16:19 PM Me

I’m super tired as I predicted. I’ve got 15 minutes left Need the $25

Aug 21, 2024 8:18:42 PM Me

I just got a $13 delivery order which will take me past my end of my dash time. So all this hustle to be 10 fucking dollars short to pay for my car. I am just gutted. Can’t fucking win matter what I do

Aug 21, 2024 8:21:49 PM Me

I’ve got the order and on my way to deliver it but like I said my dash will be over and I won’t be able to make any more money tonight so it was a good run I tried but now I lose

Aug 21, 2024 8:22:38 PM Me

And even if somebody were to give me money I have to withdraw it physically and then go pay money to put it on the card to pay for the car it’s fucking madness

Aug 21, 2024 8:22:53 PM Me

I’m just tired and fucking giving up

Aug 21, 2024 8:23:37 PM Me

I’m delivering hamburgers that I can’t even afford

Aug 21, 2024 8:24:12 PM Me

It’s gonna suck to lose my car. I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do

Aug 21, 2024 8:24:49 PM Me

my credit is fucking destroyed I can’t get a loan or anything so fucked

Aug 21, 2024 8:25:40 PM Me

If I had a gun I’d go into the Adobe offices right now and shoot every motherfucker on site I’m so angry at Adobe they’ve ruined my fucking life I fucking hate Adobe

Aug 21, 2024 8:33:08 PM Me

$8 Shy of being able to make my car payment thanks to fucking Adobe

Aug 21, 2024 8:35:01 PM Me

Aug 21, 2024 8:37:39 PM Me

I don’t know how or why but if I drive up to Ojai right now I can get 30 minutes of dashing. It doesn’t promise me the $11 I need but it’s an opportunity and by taking it I haven’t walked the dog today. Unless I walk her when I get home which will be like after 9 o’clock

Aug 21, 2024 8:39:10 PM Me

Pray for me and send me Mojo I need money

Aug 21, 2024 9:03:13 PM Me

I am in Ojai praying for deliveries over the next 30 minutes all I need is 11 bucks

Aug 21, 2024 9:22:38 PM Me

$6.39 shy 8 mins to go

Aug 21, 2024 9:42:58 PM Me

Aug 21, 2024 9:44:10 PM Me

I can’t believe I fucking did that. I didn’t think there be enough opportunity but there it is. I’m so exhausted I have no energy left I’m in Ojai and now headed back to Ventura to go to sleep

Aug 21, 2024 10:07:14 PM Me

I’m back down in the beach area. On the drive down my mind shifted from car worries to heart worries. I can’t seem to shake Jenica. She just will pop into my head every day even though I’m not trying to think of her. I am trying to let her go as best I can. One thing I learned from her is what it feels like to be wrapped in someone’s love. I felt love and intimacy in ways that I never had before. She expressed to me she wanted to do all the things with me. And time cut that short 😔

Aug 22, 2024 9:49:16 AM Me

Aug 22, 2024 10:04:47 AM Me

Hosts at house are Offering me first right of refusal to sit at the house on Labor Day weekend August 30 to September 2. They texted this morning about it and my impulses to say yes because I don’t think between this Sunday and the following weekend I’m gonna have my shit together to get out of town I still need to get the car looked at and get the tires on. But the tires should be done tomorrow. Anyhow let me know what you think on me taking Labor Day weekend down here and then possibly taking off right after that September 3 fourth fifth somewhere in there. Let me know if that all makes sense if I were to leave on those dates I’d arrive probably for or five days from departure

Aug 22, 2024 10:05:24 AM Me

Conscious effort to not pollute the text thread today

Aug 22, 2024 11:30:56 AM Me

This is two hours of dashing today. A very different story than last night. Three bucks for two hours sucks

Aug 22, 2024 12:30:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This hits hard today… do read

Aug 22, 2024 12:30:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The Marginalian

Aug 22, 2024 2:40:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

wondering if I should share with Liz. Its what we’ve experienced.

Aug 22, 2024 1:30:48 PM Me

3 hrs $13

Aug 22, 2024 1:45:26 PM Me

More dashes today. Have to pay the phone. Might lose car insurance, dont have money to pay. Asked Liz, she probably silently moved the Subaru to her policy and doesn’t care what happens to me. So if I don’t come up with $290 in a few days I’m fucked plus I owe the phone company $89 in two or three days both are those are due around the same so $380 in three days.

Aug 22, 2024 1:47:03 PM Me

This kind of I need ex money by this day is fucking mentally and psychologic psychologically and physically exhausting it’s scraping by I’ve done so much wishful thinking and positive affirmations and work in my fucking ass off and I don’t know I can’t catch a break, either the brakes are there and I’m not seeing them or I’m just not getting them. Oh well

Aug 22, 2024 4:58:55 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 14 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You made it happen yesterday- you can do it again

Aug 22, 2024 4:59:58 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

And speaking of breaks, you were gifted new brakes- things are happening all around you Keep the mind focused on positive outcomes

Aug 22, 2024 5:00:09 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Jumping in a call - bbl

Aug 22, 2024 5:01:29 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) ⇲ Me

Spotify

Aug 22, 2024 1:47:31 PM Me

🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Aug 22, 2024 2:03:37 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Aug 22, 2024 2:03:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

good one, talks about business idea that is up your alley

Aug 22, 2024 2:04:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“if you’re looking for a new gig, this is the sort of project you can build a business around.”

Aug 22, 2024 2:40:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

wondering if I should share with Liz. Its what we’ve experienced.
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Aug 22, 2024 2:41:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She’s said nothing, but she has to feel something if she’s human

Aug 22, 2024 4:43:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my app is in to carbondale gig

Aug 22, 2024 4:58:55 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 14 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You made it happen yesterday- you can do it again
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Aug 22, 2024 4:59:58 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

And speaking of breaks, you were gifted new brakes- things are happening all around you Keep the mind focused on positive outcomes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 22, 2024 5:00:09 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Jumping in a call - bbl
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Aug 22, 2024 5:00:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, heading out on dash until 5:30—next 1.5hrs

Aug 22, 2024 5:00:40 PM Me

been working on shit

Aug 22, 2024 5:01:29 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) ⇱ Me

Spotify
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 22, 2024 5:01:55 PM Me

I truly need a miracle ev a ree day!!

Aug 22, 2024 6:57:16 PM Me

Aug 22, 2024 11:47:19 PM Me

You awake?

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Aug 22, 2024 11:47:44 PM Me

Yep. Not silenced

Aug 22, 2024 11:48:34 PM Me

I’m consciously making an effort not to think about Jenica but she keeps showing up in my head happened a lot today. No drama no tears but I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about her or why she won’t stop showing up in my mind

Aug 22, 2024 11:49:22 PM Me

| Like I know she has a boyfriend and I know she wants a guy with money and is shallow as it is that’s not me unfortunately at that time and she had no patience
Edited 47 seconds later | Like I know she has a boyfriend and I know she wants a guy with money, and is shallow as it is, that’s not me unfortunately at that time, and she had no patience

Aug 22, 2024 11:50:15 PM Me

Commas

Aug 22, 2024 11:50:48 PM Me

It pains me to Think had my shit been together and I had an apartment I’d still be with her today unquestionably

Aug 22, 2024 11:51:04 PM +13038752587

The future is not written in stone. There are others you will connect with powerful energy

Aug 22, 2024 11:51:22 PM +13038752587

Time traveling doesn’t help.

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Aug 22, 2024 11:51:33 PM Me

Honestly I’ve had so much rejection I don’t think I’m gonna put myself up out there again. Maybe ever again

Aug 22, 2024 11:52:19 PM Me

I just am probably gonna become a hermit of some kind

Aug 22, 2024 11:52:33 PM Me

Connected to a few people but otherwise just doesn’t socialize

Aug 22, 2024 11:52:37 PM +13038752587

One step at a time. Get you well Get your finances back on track Then answer the question of meeting someone

Aug 22, 2024 11:53:11 PM Me

Like I said many times I don’t want to rebuild my fucking life

Aug 22, 2024 11:53:32 PM Me

I did not sign up to do it twice in this lifetime no thank you it’s in the fucking fine print

Aug 22, 2024 11:54:06 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No rebuilding required - it’s one life just keep building

Aug 22, 2024 11:54:21 PM Me

I mean. Honestly there is a part of me that doesn’t want to do this and I am fighting against that. Plus my depression plus all the fucking other pieces of my life that are broken

Aug 22, 2024 11:54:53 PM Me

I mean I’ve been in a house for a week and I still feel the same

Aug 22, 2024 11:55:18 PM Me

I don’t feel any better my back still hurts my mood hasn’t improved I’ve had a couple of days of fucking absolute head popping bullshit

Aug 22, 2024 11:55:43 PM +13038752587

Coming back to ketamine - do you think it could help you break the pattern of depression?

Aug 22, 2024 11:58:01 PM ⇲ Me

From the literature I’ve read and the last psychiatric nurse I spoke to had multiple patients who did really well with the nasal injection kind

Aug 22, 2024 11:58:35 PM ⇲ Me

I would have no problems signing up tomorrow morning and walk into a place or I think they deliver it to you now in the mail because it’s not a schedule one drug a schedule three

Aug 22, 2024 11:57:18 PM Me

What I need is like three months to do fucking nothing but sleep. Then maybe I’ll get better if you have to keep working I’m never never gonna resolve things. there is always gonna be some other shit other than just depression and other bullshit in life that I am fighting against simultaneously like I am now I’m fighting like six battles at once it’s fucking bananas

Aug 22, 2024 11:57:28 PM Me

No wonder I can’t get anywhere I’m trying to push nine different ways

Aug 22, 2024 11:58:01 PM ⇱ Me

From the literature I’ve read and the last psychiatric nurse I spoke to had multiple patients who did really well with the nasal injection kind
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 22, 2024 11:58:35 PM ⇱ Me

I would have no problems signing up tomorrow morning and walk into a place or I think they deliver it to you now in the mail because it’s not a schedule one drug a schedule three
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 22, 2024 11:59:02 PM Me

Anyhow yes I would definitely do ketamine. What the fuck do I got to lose

Aug 22, 2024 11:59:17 PM +13038752587

I think doing sessions with therapy is ideal

Aug 22, 2024 11:59:56 PM ⇲ Me

You mean going in to a therapy session and taking the ketamine there and doing whatever therapy we are supposed to do

Aug 23, 2024 12:01:02 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

Aug 23, 2024 12:01:23 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Or talking you through what’s happening as it occurs

Aug 22, 2024 11:59:22 PM Me

I mean the only way I get worse is if I kill myself but then I get better because then I don’t have to deal with the bullshit anymore but then everybody else isn’t better

Aug 22, 2024 11:59:56 PM ⇱ Me

You mean going in to a therapy session and taking the ketamine there and doing whatever therapy we are supposed to do
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 23, 2024 12:00:33 AM Me

I highly doubt it’s gonna be like I am going to develop a ketamine habit 🤣🤣🤣

Aug 23, 2024 12:01:02 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 23, 2024 12:01:15 AM Me

From what I understand you can buy it online for a few hundred bucks for the whole program all the dosages you need etc. I think it’s three if I’m not mistaken and the people that have done it says it cracks the fucking nut

Aug 23, 2024 12:01:23 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Or talking you through what’s happening as it occurs
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 23, 2024 12:02:04 AM Me

All the studies say it helps people. I know they’ve used it a lot with soldiers that have come back with PTSD being fucked up from war

Aug 23, 2024 12:02:07 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You sent a link about a week ago. Do you still have it

Aug 23, 2024 12:02:23 AM Me

I can find it I mean not right this moment because I’m wiped out tired

Aug 23, 2024 12:02:44 AM Me

I think I texted it to you in this thread but that’s like scrolling for five minutes back in time

Aug 23, 2024 12:02:46 AM +13038752587

When you do resend it

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Aug 23, 2024 12:03:24 AM +13038752587

Jumping into work for 1 hour - complete paperwork for hotel

Aug 23, 2024 12:03:31 AM Me

I know there is a place in Santa Barbara called lucid life. If you google lucid life ketamine Santa Barbara they probably will come up. It’s run by an MD and they do sessions in their offices for people. I’ve seen their ad on Instagram and YouTube

Aug 23, 2024 12:04:25 AM Me

If you type in ketamine depression treatment and then the name of the city or region you’re in you’ll get results for people that do it, meaning provide therapeutic application

Aug 23, 2024 9:18:32 AM Me

Good morning or should I say good night Yes yesterday my delivery count had fallen to 74 and I’m up to 88 the goal is 100 that’s platinum level and that is unfettered dashing whenever the fuck you want. It’s hard to keep your deliveries that high unless you’re doing 3 to 4 deliveries a day. If you miss a day you gotta make up those 3 to 4 on some other day so the more days you miss The more you gotta do each day spread out overtime if that makes any damn sense at all. I was only able to get one today

Aug 23, 2024 9:31:06 AM Me

Dash just ended and I got 15 bucks. I won’t sneeze at it so the rest of today is Computer and working on all my shit. I don’t have a life otherwise so pretty much I can sit on the computer all fucking day

Aug 23, 2024 9:38:17 AM Me

And I gotta make the comment driving around in society and seeing happy people makes me mad I want to be happy too but I don’t have the foundation upon which to make that happen at this moment. People will say you need nothing to be happy just being. Fuck that, that’s bullshit. Psychologically it’s impossible trust me I would be there if it was possible. You need to have your basic needs met. I’m the last motherfucker that wants to suffer. I’ve lived my whole life avoiding suffering from my father and then at imaginary bullshit in my life so I’m well-versed in this world of suffering. it’s just frustrating not to have basic needs taken care of this long it fucks your head up. I know why so many truly homeless are so mentally fucked up because it screws with you hard-core it destroys your sense of self and worth . It just fucking obliterates it that’s why you see so many homeless people that look like fucking zombies they’re just lost they’ve lost their identity and essentially lost their humanity because they don’t feel part of this world that we’re all walking around in with lattes in our hand

Aug 23, 2024 9:39:04 AM Me

| The disconnection homeless field is incredible it’s like you’re physically stuck in this dimension with all these other people yet feel totally invisible as if you’re surrounded by mirrors so no one sees you they just see reflections of their beautiful selves
Edited 15 seconds later | The disconnection homeless feel is incredible it’s like you’re physically stuck in this dimension with all these other people yet feel totally invisible as if you’re surrounded by mirrors so no one sees you they just see reflections of their beautiful selves

Aug 23, 2024 12:19:50 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Aug 23, 2024 12:20:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

word. been there, done that.

Aug 23, 2024 4:49:38 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes) +13038752587

So true

Aug 23, 2024 4:50:08 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Just waking up - be online at hotel 🏨 tonight

Aug 23, 2024 4:59:47 PM Me

K

Aug 23, 2024 5:01:59 PM Me

I’m starting to feel more like shit as the day goes on. The shit being depression and being alone and lonely on the weekends when everybody’s having fun with friends or their lovers. I have to face the fact it’s gonna be a very long fucking time before I have that. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had that longer than a few months. Hell I’m not even sure I had that. I think I did it one point but I lost my fucking way

Aug 23, 2024 5:03:24 PM Me

I’m not time traveling but I can’t deny the fact that all the shit I’ve gone through is put me in where I am right now. A lot of that has to do with negative thinking and that is a fucking nut that is next to impossible to crack for me. I’ve been negative thinking as far back as I have memories I always see what’s not there what’s lacking. I never see what is there what is good I just see what’s missing, Broken, a skew or out of place

Aug 23, 2024 5:29:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, weekends are the hardest because everyones out having fun. Sitting home alone because I have no resources to go have fun. Really sucks

Aug 23, 2024 5:29:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its depressing

Aug 23, 2024 5:29:53 PM Me

anyhow, feeling shit and going to meditate. Not that it will shift anyting.

Aug 23, 2024 5:30:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve come out as confused and tired as I have going in before. just calmer about it.

Aug 23, 2024 5:34:30 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Pretty sure if I were to turn that dating app back on I could go out on dates soon. HOWEVER, without resources can’t do. Not bitching its just reality. Also I was thinking about what you said the other day about Liz. Now that she has the real thing in hand, is she reconsidering it? I want to know, but I’m definitely not the one to ask. it would be triggering I’m wondering if you can find out somehow? Thru Joanna? You could say you wanted to check in and see how she’s doing since you know I sent the papers. Joannas been divorced so I’m sure she’s Liz’s in-house counsel. I know Joanna defends anything Liz thinks or says, even if based on nothing but Liz’s opinion.

Aug 23, 2024 5:37:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I know there is no winning arguments with Liz. She’s too stubborn. Her stubbornness may be what stands in the way of her rational mind seeing that reconciling might be the way to go. Just not sure. If she were to reconsider I know like you said there will be “rules” I would like the rules to go both ways. She gets what she wants, I get what I want. I’m not going to do all the shit and get none of what I want. That’s the story of my marriage—not going to do that anymore.

Aug 23, 2024 5:40:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont know what crawled into her brain and changed her. She’s likely to say its me who changed. Yeah, depression changes you when your wife abandon’s you for sure.

Aug 23, 2024 5:40:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, looks like I’m headed to a depressed angry friday night battling inside my head — sux Wasted fucking days and going on 2 years of this fucking repeat shit show.

Aug 23, 2024 7:06:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

🙁

Aug 23, 2024 11:46:51 PM Me

Hello

Aug 23, 2024 11:47:29 PM Me

Wanted to ask u a few things before sleep 🌚

Aug 23, 2024 11:56:45 PM Me

Ugh. I have Something weighing heavy on my mind and I want to text Jenica something because I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I just want to communicate to her and get this shit off my chest. I think once I communicate this I will feel a whole lot better.

Aug 24, 2024 12:03:37 AM Me

Ultimately, she treated me like I’m some random asshole, when she stared deeply into my eyes and said she loved me—was that fake?!? She’s shown that she’s selfish ( no patience with or belief in me, again if its love…) and rejecting ( promised she wasn't going to but W👀W ) and dismissive ( not even replies to texts ) The Great Wall of Jenica is what I’m experiencing and I deserve at least human decency.

Aug 24, 2024 12:05:00 AM Me

So close to simply texting: “The Great Wall of Jenica”

Aug 24, 2024 12:06:18 AM Me

I should probably do nothing Letting her know I’m out here still isn’t going to change anything. That’s just it it just reinforces the idea that nothing’s gonna fucking change

Aug 24, 2024 12:06:38 AM Me

OK I’m gonna go eat a half gallon of ice cream and then cry in the empty container

Aug 24, 2024 12:07:04 AM Me

This is why life hurts this is why life is painful this is why life is no fun

Aug 24, 2024 7:39:19 AM Me

???

Aug 24, 2024 7:50:29 AM Me

Everything OK

Aug 24, 2024 8:12:46 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Just driving home from hotel

Aug 24, 2024 8:19:48 AM Me

Ah ok

Aug 24, 2024 8:20:42 AM Me

No texts from you overnight so I was wondering if everything was OK. Usually you replied to one or two things I’ve said

Aug 24, 2024 8:22:05 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Didn’t read messages until 3am - did not want to wake you

Aug 24, 2024 8:24:38 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t send a text. Her not responding is probably a protection mechanism for her feelings.

Aug 24, 2024 8:24:45 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes) +13038752587

Focused on driving

Aug 24, 2024 8:32:22 AM Me

DoorDash right now and sitting by Starbucks where Jenica would order coffee on the weekends for us. And I’m sitting here in the window of time when she would order coffee. There is a chance she will order coffee and I will deliver it. If the universe does that I might not know what to do

Aug 24, 2024 9:12:59 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Deliver it 😁

Aug 24, 2024 9:10:33 AM Me

Let me know how late you’re up this morning. It might be worth catching you for five minutes on FaceTime instead of like 50 text messages. Let me know if that works

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Aug 24, 2024 9:12:01 AM Me

I’ve got 20 minutes left in this dash to the bottom of the hour. And then I’m headed back to the house to start cleaning and packing. The hosts arrive tomorrow morning so I need to wake up and go I won’t have time for deep cleaning anything

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Aug 24, 2024 9:12:59 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 10 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Deliver it 😁
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 24, 2024 9:13:21 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll text when I wake up

Aug 24, 2024 9:21:40 AM Me

Ok. Facetime then?

Aug 24, 2024 12:20:44 PM Me

Aug 24, 2024 3:02:50 PM Me

Aug 24, 2024 4:20:03 PM Me

Loneliness and the lonely heart are gigantic right now

Aug 24, 2024 7:25:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

lmk, when you’re around. Going to take dog on beach walk now. Back in an hour Signed up for this:

Aug 24, 2024 7:25:30 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://makeartyourliving.unitedartspace.org/

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Aug 24, 2024 8:07:51 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I’m tired tonight 11 hrs last night and only 3 hr nap Tomorrow am - text me when your awake

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Aug 24, 2024 9:07:05 PM Me

I’m processing a lot of shit. I’ve begun the shadow Work and it’s pretty intense I’m not sure how long it will take to get because there’s no standard

Aug 24, 2024 9:07:20 PM Me

Also do you or maybe sarah know a good tattoo artist

Aug 25, 2024 10:18:21 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 45 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No , I’ll ask some friends with tattoos

Aug 25, 2024 7:52:58 AM Me

Im awake. Meditating now and then busy packing Hosts arrive about 12:30

Aug 25, 2024 7:54:20 AM Me

Sad. Dont want to leave a bed 🥹 and Jenica keeps showing up in my mind. Seems like no matter what I do or think alternatively she just keeps showing up.

Aug 25, 2024 10:18:21 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 45 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No , I’ll ask some friends with tattoos
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 25, 2024 12:05:20 PM Me

I’ve spent every waking moment since 630 cleaning and packing. I’m at the point where I can leave. I have two DoorDash this afternoon one and Ventura from 1 to 3 and then Ojai 4 to 7. I’m so depressed and so sad to leave this place. Just leave a bed and place where I don’t have to think about where I’m gonna sleep every night. And it’s so back to the bullshit

Aug 25, 2024 12:19:43 PM Me

Ok, about to leave. The thought of not knowing when I will sleep in a bed again it’s pretty unsettling

Aug 25, 2024 12:41:16 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Get on house sitters and see what’s available

Aug 25, 2024 12:32:29 PM Me

Darrell, today I might lose my fucking mind something else just came in and stole money and now I don’t have enough for my car payment again

Aug 25, 2024 12:32:38 PM Me

Some fucking random thing from PayPal I don’t even know what the fuck it is

Aug 25, 2024 12:32:53 PM Me

I can’t live like this it’s too fucking stressful I’m I can’t do it anymore

Aug 25, 2024 12:33:42 PM Me

So now I get to spend all fucking day just trying to get the money back to make the payment and won’t have any money to eat

Aug 25, 2024 12:34:01 PM Me

I really just wanna fucking give up I’m so done with this shit

Aug 25, 2024 12:34:26 PM Me

Today seems like good as day is fucking any other day right I’m just done I’m fucking done with this life and all of this bullshit

Aug 25, 2024 12:37:05 PM Me

I’m serious this whole like fucking paddling like a motherfucker just to keep my mouth above the surface of the water only to get another fucking boot in the face. I’m just sick of this I’m not learning any lessons through this other than being ready to fucking check out it’s all it makes me wanna do I just don’t wanna deal with this kind of bullshit anymore it seems like no matter what the fuck I do I can’t get beyond my current situation so fuck it

Aug 25, 2024 12:37:51 PM Me

I mean I have a $90 phone payment installment in two days so I gotta come up with the 3040 bucks this fucking bullshit thing stole from my car and then I got to try to save up 90 bucks and I gotta try to find money to eat Just fuck this fuck all of this

Aug 25, 2024 12:43:14 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Make it happen you can do it

Aug 25, 2024 12:43:33 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Also find out what he payment was for and get it refunded

Aug 25, 2024 12:41:16 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Get on house sitters and see what’s available
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 25, 2024 12:43:14 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Make it happen you can do it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 25, 2024 12:43:33 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Also find out what he payment was for and get it refunded
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 25, 2024 12:43:40 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Aug 25, 2024 12:43:53 PM Me

I’m D O N E

Aug 25, 2024 12:44:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not chasing anymore

Aug 25, 2024 12:44:11 PM +13038752587

What is fabulous

Aug 25, 2024 12:44:11 PM Me

shit doesnt get paid fuck it

Aug 25, 2024 12:44:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont CARE

Aug 25, 2024 12:44:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dont care if I’m on the street or dead at this point honestly.

Aug 25, 2024 12:44:46 PM Me

every time I try to stand up I get my legs taken out

Aug 25, 2024 12:44:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fucking done

Aug 25, 2024 12:45:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

if you’re in my bleacher seats you see it clearly

Aug 25, 2024 12:45:27 PM Me

there is no way for you to see what I’m seeing

Aug 25, 2024 12:45:32 PM Me

its fucking OVER

Aug 25, 2024 12:45:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fed up

Aug 25, 2024 12:45:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cant do it anymore

Aug 25, 2024 12:46:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll door dash today, I’ll go thru the fucking motions

Aug 25, 2024 12:46:27 PM Me

but I dont fucking care anymore

Aug 25, 2024 12:46:31 PM Me

TRULY

Aug 25, 2024 12:46:48 PM Me

it would be a blessing if a bus would blow the red light and crush my car

Aug 25, 2024 12:47:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m sorry this sucks to be on your end

Aug 25, 2024 12:47:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sorry 🙁

Aug 25, 2024 12:47:57 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

So what is fabulous

Aug 25, 2024 12:49:03 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I looked it up - has the app been beneficial

Aug 25, 2024 12:49:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I havent used it at all. I probably downloaded it to see what it was like and never deleted.

Aug 25, 2024 12:50:49 PM ⇲ +13038752587

So cancel and ask for a refund

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:01 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Nothing to lose by asking

Aug 25, 2024 12:49:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FUCK

Aug 25, 2024 12:49:57 PM Me

besides

Aug 25, 2024 12:50:04 PM Me

$40 is like $150 to me

Aug 25, 2024 12:50:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

10 is like a 50

Aug 25, 2024 12:50:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what doesnt work is even if they refund

Aug 25, 2024 12:50:49 PM ⇱ +13038752587

So cancel and ask for a refund
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:01 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Nothing to lose by asking
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:08 PM Me

the car payment is already processing

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:12 PM Me

it hits any minute

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

then it bounces

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

then I’m fucked in the ass

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:25 PM Me

that’s how this works

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:29 PM +13038752587

Why does is voice

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:33 PM +13038752587

Bounce

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dopt wint

Aug 25, 2024 12:51:59 PM Me

its a $600 payment, There is $572 in there right now thanks for FUCKING FABULOUS

Aug 25, 2024 12:52:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had more than $600 in there by eating chips for dinner

Aug 25, 2024 12:52:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

see. I fucking give up eating to pay my car.

Aug 25, 2024 12:52:37 PM Me

and then this happems

Aug 25, 2024 12:52:54 PM Me

FUCK THiS REALITY

Aug 25, 2024 12:53:06 PM +13038752587

Lesson I see is get on top of all these little things expenses

Aug 25, 2024 12:53:32 PM +13038752587

Can I get real with you?

Aug 25, 2024 12:55:02 PM ⇲ Me

Go ahead. I cried on the beach this morning realizing that I wouldn’t be there if I had checked out. Leaving the house 20 mins ago I felt like things were stable for a few days.

Aug 25, 2024 12:53:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I see you aint going to get ahead no matter WTF you do

Aug 25, 2024 12:55:02 PM ⇱ Me

Go ahead. I cried on the beach this morning realizing that I wouldn’t be there if I had checked out. Leaving the house 20 mins ago I felt like things were stable for a few days.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 25, 2024 12:55:46 PM +13038752587

How much does dashing make you in average for an 8hr shift?

Aug 25, 2024 12:55:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and here I find myself contemplating it again

Aug 25, 2024 12:56:27 PM +13038752587

After expenses- power for car

Aug 25, 2024 12:57:04 PM Me

-30-40

Aug 25, 2024 12:58:01 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - so an hourly job at $15 would make you 90 after taxes

Aug 25, 2024 12:58:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I talked to Laurie about this yesterday. Finding other ways to make money.

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Aug 25, 2024 12:58:42 PM Me

I have a list of places to look and go

Aug 25, 2024 12:58:43 PM +13038752587

It seems that getting any hourly j o b would be better for you.

Aug 25, 2024 12:59:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes it would. been regected at every one I’ve applied to

Aug 25, 2024 1:00:16 PM +13038752587

Have you gone to temp agency

Aug 25, 2024 1:00:26 PM Me

So now I get to waste time fucking around with Fabulous instead of working on the list laurie and I talked about

Aug 25, 2024 1:03:29 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Fabulous is either a quick call or email. Then create a quick profile on fiverr. Then check out local gig work on Craigslist - what about Tasker too

Aug 25, 2024 1:04:19 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Big hug! You can do it.

Aug 25, 2024 1:15:35 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

that’s just it, I dont want to

Aug 25, 2024 1:15:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

already did it once, fuck it

Aug 25, 2024 1:15:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

aint stressing like that again

Aug 25, 2024 1:16:16 PM Me

easier to let it go and deal with consequences

Aug 25, 2024 1:16:41 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I’m trying to find how they charged me, or where. Its a dark pattern

Aug 25, 2024 1:16:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I didn’t consciously sign up for this.

Aug 25, 2024 1:16:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not at this point in my life

Aug 25, 2024 1:17:05 PM Me

too broke

Aug 25, 2024 1:18:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fabulous is non-us

Aug 25, 2024 1:18:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fucking scam

Aug 25, 2024 1:23:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

holy shit

Aug 25, 2024 1:24:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

they refunded. Now it takes a few days to get back int here. Doesnt help me in the immediate, but at least I get it back.

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Aug 25, 2024 1:25:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I wasnt feeling stressed at all, until this shit blew up on me.

Aug 25, 2024 1:26:21 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

fuck and now back into the bullshit of never getting ahead.

Aug 25, 2024 1:26:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hamster wheel to nowhere

Aug 25, 2024 1:28:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyhow. I start dashing at one and not done until seven. Totally depressed. Summer is gone at the end of the week and that makes two summers I’ll never get back

Aug 25, 2024 1:29:31 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I was already feeling stressed about getting back into the car for sleeping and stuff.

Aug 25, 2024 1:30:34 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I also have to find time to sit at the tire store and get the tires put on, which is great, but I’m so far away from affording the car checkup and brakes. that will likely be $1k

Aug 25, 2024 1:31:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyhow. I’ll go talk to myself instead of filling your text up.

Aug 25, 2024 1:32:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a long fucking road ahead and I’m not feeling it. the chance to reinvent yourself and I’m too fucking tired right now.

Aug 25, 2024 1:33:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

No fun and no play make little bert a motherfucker

Aug 25, 2024 1:33:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

word

Aug 25, 2024 1:33:23 PM +13038752587

Driving - catch up in a bit

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Aug 25, 2024 1:33:54 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

A thought - what about a deliver job for local pizza joint

Aug 25, 2024 1:34:16 PM ⇲ Me

to that with doordash its who they use

Aug 25, 2024 1:34:13 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Just drove by one

Aug 25, 2024 1:34:16 PM ⇱ Me

to that with doordash its who they use
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Aug 25, 2024 1:34:38 PM +13038752587

No this one had its own crew

Aug 25, 2024 1:34:50 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

So do Pizza Hut, domino’s etc

Aug 25, 2024 1:38:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its easy to think of things when you’ve had your basic needs met and haven’t gone without. I’m working from that lacking space. Add depression and ADD Add a mind that has been traumatized from this experience and divorce, and trying to heal both of those, and the deep shadow shit. Not giving excuses, just pointing out that I have to put out alot of effort just to get to your baseline, and then pushing beyond—which I’ve done all fucking summer. Still in the same place

Aug 25, 2024 1:40:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I hope you can see/understand my frustration with having to output a shit-ton of effort and energy to get out of this. No one else sees this shit. This is the invisible part of mental illness — the part where people, neurodivergents , work their assess off to be wiht and hang out with, neurotypicals.

Aug 25, 2024 3:37:25 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I know it takes a lot more energy and effort and you are doing an amazing job all things considered

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Aug 25, 2024 1:40:19 PM Me

Been doing it my whole life

Aug 25, 2024 1:41:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k, dashing in 20 mins. Getting refill on coffee and then starting dash. Going to look online for part-time stuff. Its been a while since I have.

Aug 25, 2024 3:30:03 PM Me

30mins left in dash of ventura Then up to ojai to start at 4pm Its 82 down here. Bet its 100+ up there

Aug 25, 2024 3:30:24 PM Me

🥵🥵🥵

Aug 25, 2024 3:37:25 PM (Read by you after 35 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I know it takes a lot more energy and effort and you are doing an amazing job all things considered

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Aug 25, 2024 3:39:13 PM Me

Ive had help

Aug 25, 2024 4:03:21 PM Me

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🙏

Aug 25, 2024 4:03:34 PM Me

I’ve been noodling with AI while sitting here trying to figure out a strategy for the best way to get my business online

Aug 25, 2024 4:04:13 PM Me

Now on my way to Ojai to start dashing at four

Aug 25, 2024 4:11:10 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

The art business?

Aug 25, 2024 4:42:45 PM Me

The art business for me is multifaceted. I have T-shirt designs that are graphic ones that are just words then I have a whole collection of old ThinkGeek shirts that don’t exist anymore and I’m going to redesign them and re-issue them. I’ve not been able to find any copyright information so fuck it I’m gonna do it and if I put that out on social mediaone or two things are gonna happen I’ll make money or I’ll get a cease and desist letter

Aug 25, 2024 4:44:27 PM Me

The thing other than T-shirts is selling my nature photography from my 25 years of hiking up and down the West Coast I have somewhere between 3 to 5000 photos and from those if I have 5% that would be 100 and something photos that I could put up online worthy of printing and purchasing or getting on notecards or gift wrap or whatever. What Liz does with her photography she puts it on everything I’m gonna do that too I’ve got the photos they’re sitting around doing nothing

Aug 25, 2024 4:45:09 PM Me

The third one which will take the most time to both get online and to get a business is my own part which I would have to price appropriately that’s why I signed up for that ladies course. I’m interested to see what’s been tried and what’s worked and what’s not

Aug 25, 2024 4:45:39 PM Me

My first order of business though is to get a couple of things done on my personal website

Aug 25, 2024 4:46:05 PM Me

Have you used the Tasker website at all

Aug 25, 2024 5:30:59 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes - I painted about three jobs - good program

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Aug 25, 2024 4:48:53 PM Me

In Ojai and hot, haha

Aug 25, 2024 5:30:59 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes - I painted about three jobs - good program

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Aug 25, 2024 5:38:02 PM Me

A couple of things. This just happened at storage whole bunch of shit just fell down and I’m in the middle of a DoorDash which doesn’t help. Also I dinged the corner of one of the hosts cars with the back corner of my car earlier in the week and then I totally forgot because I was so freaking out about making money to pay the car . Anyway I apologize profusely and sent them a photo of my insurance information and I’m hoping they can take care of it all and get what they need

Aug 25, 2024 6:18:37 PM Me

Im exhausted. Hopefully I can get tasker working cant get it to install on phone

Aug 25, 2024 6:34:29 PM Me

You have to pay $25 to sign up for Taskrabbit

Aug 25, 2024 6:37:04 PM Me

I’ll look into others I’m still in the middle of the dash. It’s been an hour and a half and I’ve gotten nothing. Fortunately tomorrow money in your account for all the hours with nothing anyhow going to buy some thing to eat I have $10 to spend right now And after that I got nothing other than car payment money and whatever DoorDash gives me tomorrow The other thing of note is that Tasker says Los Angeles and orange county. There is no mention of Ventura or Santa Barbara anywhere on that app so I don’t know if it’s going to work for me

Aug 25, 2024 7:38:58 PM Me

Aug 25, 2024 7:38:58 PM Me

W👀W this is a cool idea. Let me know what you think.

Aug 26, 2024 8:00:38 AM (Read by you after 59 seconds) +13038752587

Interesting- 🧐 Will need to play with it

Aug 26, 2024 8:02:33 AM Me

U awake or going to sleep?

Aug 26, 2024 8:02:59 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Going to sleep - been up 24 hrs

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Aug 26, 2024 8:03:00 AM Me

Doordashing already over here

Aug 26, 2024 8:03:39 AM Me

Feeling down, go figure

Aug 26, 2024 8:04:10 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Only two more night me of graveyard Switching to day and early evening hrs next week

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Aug 26, 2024 10:48:50 AM Me

My car insurance is due today. $290. Asked Liz a few weeks ago because I paid the last one. Haven’t heard back. Hesitant to poke her about it. thoughts?

Aug 26, 2024 10:49:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I dont pay by midnight I dont have car insurance. I shouldn’t be driving.

Aug 26, 2024 10:49:35 AM Me

Getting really tired of all this stressing about paying every fucking bill.

Aug 26, 2024 10:50:39 AM Me

2 hours of dash this morning for $6.50

Aug 26, 2024 11:00:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just done with email and doing adult things—getting new tires queued up to get put on my car today. Cross your fingers.

Aug 26, 2024 11:02:48 AM Me

Now have 2 pomodoros until my next doordash from 11am-2pm. Then going to head to VTA for tires. They close at 6 and I wont leave Ojai until 3. Have to go get tires out of storage and then head down. I’m glad to have new tires.

Aug 26, 2024 11:38:13 AM Me

Busy day. Looking at otther places to make money.

Aug 26, 2024 1:29:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

applied here:

Aug 26, 2024 1:29:32 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

craigslist

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Aug 26, 2024 1:31:07 PM Me

this for you check it:

Aug 26, 2024 1:31:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

craigslist

Aug 26, 2024 1:51:56 PM Me

2 hours and no dashes One more hour to go up here and then I head to Ventura to get the tires put on. We should talk about the possibility of me driving out there

Aug 26, 2024 2:01:58 PM Me

I’m having a hell of a time getting Task rabbit to work. I can’t install it on my phone because Apple wants a payment method but the fucking app is free give me the fucking app. So it wants a valid payment method so we can just charge me for fucking Shit I owe money for but I can’t do that because I don’t have it but I can’t get fucking Taskrabbit without it plus Task rabbit wants $25 to just fucking get started

Aug 26, 2024 2:02:06 PM Me

What the actual fuck

Aug 26, 2024 2:02:51 PM Me

I just spent the last two hours non-fucking stop looking for local work trying to find something I can do here and it’s fucking hard. Even painting jobs they want somebody with experience and their own fucking tools I don’t have any of that shit

Aug 26, 2024 6:01:51 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 57 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You have a lot of experience. Tools can be acquired free and or cheap

Aug 26, 2024 6:02:03 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Be vague

Aug 26, 2024 2:03:30 PM Me

I’m just frustrated that every day I’ve run into bullshit I can’t have a day worth shit just fucking works I always have to come into some technical bullshit I’m just fucking fed up I don’t need extra fucking hoops to jump through I’ve got enough bullshit on my plate

Aug 26, 2024 3:03:42 PM Me

Aug 26, 2024 4:21:50 PM Me

At tire shop. You can track the status

Aug 26, 2024 4:21:50 PM Me

https://waitlist-mobile.discounttire.com/journey/?id=NZB646eQQAfiSx21HDQNu4cjHQZltv5TeFihCKDO3a3P9Fm6OzLQbGG%2Bt9vAtbOjIHYXcNYb6g4dCSlJoccNqrYm%2FaG7DiUyEMIdpaQDZGM%3D

Aug 26, 2024 4:23:33 PM Me

Probably stay down here until later. HOT 🥵 94° in Ojai. Hotter in my car. Its 75° here in Ventura. Why I want to live here. 60-75 year round, and the ocean and mountains

Aug 26, 2024 6:01:51 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 57 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You have a lot of experience. Tools can be acquired free and or cheap
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 26, 2024 6:02:03 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Be vague
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Aug 26, 2024 6:29:14 PM Me

I have new tires on my car I am excited. But wow the tires were getting installed I have more bullshit to deal with. I have to call AAA and get the Subaru off the policy because Liz has it covered on her policy. I also have to deal with Capital One on the car payment. Remember I said I got screwed well I got a notice today from Capital One that said the money wasn’t enough money there. And it just so happens they try to get it in the little window when I don’t have enough in there so now I gotta get on the phone and try to work out. I’m gonna spend my whole fucking day on the phone tomorrow it’s just frustrating is all fucking hell

Aug 26, 2024 6:30:22 PM Me

Just frustrated that I get one thing done and two more show up. And this eats all the time that I would spend on looking for a job

Aug 26, 2024 6:31:14 PM Me

I can’t get on Tasker or Taskrabbit. I don’t have a credit card to put into Apple so I can download the app nor do I have the $25 to start. I tried using my DoorDash card but they won’t take it

Aug 26, 2024 6:33:50 PM Me

I’m headed now to the beach in Ventura by surfers point and going to get my shadow work meditation on then maybe hang down here for a couple more hours for it to cool off in Ojai

Aug 26, 2024 6:44:29 PM Me

Serious motherfucker

Aug 26, 2024 6:47:07 PM Me

And I look fucking old

Aug 26, 2024 9:10:39 PM Me

Awake or asleep?

Aug 26, 2024 10:38:30 PM Me

OK maybe you’re asleep now. Actually what would be great is if you had a fucking Google calendar that you shared and showed your work blocks on it. Then I would know when the fuck you’re awake. I’

Aug 26, 2024 10:40:30 PM Me

So my treads are all good I will contact the dealer tomorrow and discover the costs related to a regular service and a brake job. I am pretty sure it’s going to need brakes and then celebrator pad the thing I used to capture energy and put back into the battery it actually has a pad like brakes do that gets worn downanyhow. That’s next item once my car gets the thumbs up from the dealer and they say yeah you can make it from here to Denver it should not be a problem then I’m ready to go

Aug 26, 2024 10:41:37 PM Me

I need to pay my cell phone on Wednesday $90 and I’m calling insurance and getting the Subaru off of it and right now Liz and all the boys are on my policy too so I’ll remove them and just have me as the only driver on this one car and hopefully my price will go down. Or am I locked in for the term of the insurance like six months or a year

Aug 26, 2024 11:43:53 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No, it should go down and you can retro it some too. I’m guessing she has had it on her own insurance for a couple of months.

Aug 26, 2024 10:42:27 PM Me

I’m also have Declan ready to go. He’s going to help me go through storage and weed shit out. Hoping I can reduce my stuff to the point where I can move into a smaller unit a 5 x 5 which should get me almost half price so instead of 200 it’ll be 110-ish Guessing

Aug 26, 2024 10:42:51 PM Me

And until I know what is up with my life, I’ll just keep that stuff there. There’s no sense in dragging it around

Aug 26, 2024 10:43:19 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

A hotel - I’ll catch up in a bit

Aug 26, 2024 10:43:47 PM Me

K

Aug 26, 2024 10:45:03 PM Me

I’m up in Ojai. Just done charging I have 15 minutes to get across town and in and out of storage before I get logged in. I’m trying to fetch

Aug 26, 2024 10:46:14 PM Me

The two old cushions I use to sleep on in the back of my car. I am doing about 40 across town right now. I’ll let you know if I get my pads and get out of storage alive

Aug 26, 2024 10:46:58 PM Me

I actually slept relatively well in the back of the car last night it was more psychological than physical. I think a week in a bed helped my body correct itself

Aug 26, 2024 10:48:04 PM Me

Fuck I just caught a red light why is it red I stopped for fucking nothing this is fucking ridiculous total bullshit

Aug 26, 2024 10:50:32 PM Me

We have red lights show up when there is literally no one and nothing in the cross traffic it just turns red and just fucking stops you The government contributing the global warming forcing people to stop their cars and then accelerate for no fucking reason

Aug 26, 2024 10:51:01 PM Me

That’s the kind of weird shit that gets in my underwear. I’m at storage I’m running in and gettingmy cushions

Aug 26, 2024 11:09:08 PM Me

I was able to make it in and out of storage with three minutes to spare or four. What was fun is I turned on my video camera on the iPhone and it was recording me and I was just rambling talking while I was speeding across town to get into storage and I explained it all as I was driving and then what I get out of the car and I go into I just kept the video riding and I got back in the car and I hustle to the thing and I disappear I go punch my code in I come back I have a great idea get it in the computer and then take the audio and I have an idea what to do with it but keep the audio normal take the video and put it to like Keystone cop speed if you know what I mean anyway I’ve done so much Design and Design in my head that when I start thinking about things like it’s like an octopus it’s just starts growing out and all the directions

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Aug 26, 2024 11:43:53 PM (Read by you after 33 minutes, 13 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No, it should go down and you can retro it some too. I’m guessing she has had it on her own insurance for a couple of months.
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Aug 27, 2024 12:17:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and not say anything to me, knowing how tight I am on money

Aug 27, 2024 12:17:52 AM Me

you know who does that kind of shit

Aug 27, 2024 12:17:55 AM Me

KUNTS

Aug 27, 2024 12:19:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I bet she’s pretty pissed about divorce paperwork. I heard she just had her moms estate sale last weekend. I had no idea. Liz is having to get her moms house empty I guess. No idea. She never talks or commuinicates to me unless its something that will benefit HER.

Aug 27, 2024 12:20:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Pretty sure she’s a covert Narcissist. She’s AWUFULLY self-centered to sit and watch her husband fall into a pit of depression and tell him he should go get himself help

Aug 27, 2024 12:21:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She’s either going to hate the new me once I integrate my shadow.

Aug 27, 2024 12:21:25 AM Me

OR

Aug 27, 2024 12:21:41 AM Me

It’s going to be the biggest turn on in the world for her.

Aug 27, 2024 12:21:46 AM Me

who fucking knows

Aug 27, 2024 12:24:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

All I know is she’s wanting a divorce over a story she’s made up in her head and she has others blindly believing her truth without EVER speaking to me, or asking me what happened. Thats honestly fine. When Liz is on her deathbed it will haunt her — what she did to me. If will fucking haunt her.

Aug 27, 2024 12:24:19 AM Me

Once I’ve confidently integrated my shadow

Aug 27, 2024 12:25:28 AM Me

I am then going to conquer lucid dreaming and remote viewing. I’m going to get inside her head while she sleeps. How fucking delicious that would be — someone would be my bitch 🤣🤣🤣

Aug 27, 2024 12:26:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, just rambling over here.

Aug 27, 2024 12:27:50 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I hung out with Sherry last night and discoverd that Liz apparently knows that I had a girlfriend. I dont know what if any details she know, but apparently she knows. I wonder if she knows I slept with 2 women, one a whole lot (and it was fucking AMAZING 🤯🤯🤯

Aug 27, 2024 12:38:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I mean both were amazing, I just had the good fortune of being Jenica’s boyfriend for a short time. It would be so nice to have all my ducks in a row and then send her a one minute video to say hi and tell her where I’m at and if she’s free call me. That is literally my next step with her. I did promise her that when I did land on my feet I was going to let her know—because I know if the shoe was on her foot I would want to know simply because I care about her. Thing is I know she still cares about me. There is no way you can have that intensity and not still have feelings. I honestly think its going to turn out to be a weird story. Kind of like Liz, where I meet her once, go away and dont see her for a while, and then have my shit together and meet her a second time. You know you were there. I really want that second time with Jenica. I’ve thought about it alot and I’m pretty damn sure I would marry her, for real. I know she wants to get married and have a REAL ceremoney, the dress, ring etc. She never had that when she escaped her abuser and ran off with her former husband. They were young, had two kids, but he couldnt show up for her. They are technically still married but they’ve been separated going on a decade I believe. OK, enough. I put it out there because I want it to happen, really do. I want to be back with her again, and I’m pretty sure it could happen. I know this: she may have a boyfriend, but she is very particular AND I know she will be particular about a long term partner. I had the makings of that with her, minus being on my feet.

Aug 27, 2024 12:39:16 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I cannot share the thought that if I had even a basic whatever job and had an apartment she’d still be with me, for sure. Would not matter the job. It was the apartment, a place where she could get away from HER space and chill for a change

Aug 27, 2024 12:39:37 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

we even talked about her having a shelf in my bathroom for her shit. 🙁

Aug 27, 2024 12:39:53 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just heartbroken at the moment

Aug 27, 2024 12:40:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, need to calm down and get off to bed. nearing midnight and I have 7am dashing.

Aug 27, 2024 1:12:31 AM Me

https://share.icloud.com/photos/0dff73wNILUvAUCey-3ll1d6Q

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Aug 27, 2024 7:50:14 AM Me

Good Night

Aug 27, 2024 8:20:11 AM Me

I’m wondering if you saw my note about some kind of loose plan for me to get out that way.

Aug 27, 2024 8:24:21 AM Me

A sidenote apparently Joanna is not divorced she’s just separated did not go through the paperwork. I had the thought yesterday and I had it again this morning and that is Elizabeth wanted the divorce but she never went through with the paperwork. I don’t know if that is emotionally driven or financially driven What I honestly don’t know is if she’s had second thoughts and I would love to know that however I don’t think I have a way to know that unless someone other than me broach the topic

Aug 27, 2024 8:24:55 AM Me

I’d be willing to talk with her, in fact I’ve been willing to talk since the beginning. She is just incredibly guarded

Aug 27, 2024 8:25:53 AM Me

It’s just psychologically fucked up to spend nearly half your life with somebody and then have them not want to be with you anymore. Anyhow I feel like I’m headed into another day of rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic

Aug 27, 2024 8:43:24 AM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

I did not see your note about getting out of the way. Hum, maybe Derrick can enquire? The sound of crickets is comforting to me. The video did not come through until I got home. Off to sleep until 1:30 - I have to pick up the girls at 2

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Aug 27, 2024 9:35:18 AM Me

I may have something for you to look at when you are up. I’ve been working on a streamlined version of my bertmahoney.com website. A document was shared with everyone on Slack for never search alone. It was a designer, a senior designer so my role, and he got a job in under six months in this climate. And he went through a list of things because he’s been close to the recruiting world, so it’s as if he has insider knowledge on what to cut, what to streamline, what to optimize Fortunately my résumé didn’t need anything. It was in line with his recommendations. But the website is another story. I have far too much on my website. It is, as we say, information dense. That is my enemy when trying to communicate, it makes people look away or click away. Maybe that’s why Site Kit is telling me the average visit is 30 seconds

Aug 27, 2024 9:39:42 AM Me

So one key recommendation is with case studies. He said 3 to 4 visuals and one to two sentences for overview, problem, solution, results He clearly articulated the Mount Everest of portfolio data recruiters and hiring managers have to plow through. He said if you’re dealing with 50 or more, any website where you feel it’s too much. Just like you would with any other site. When it’s not working for you, you get the fuck out of there. I know recruiters are doing the same. So while I may have some really good case studies in content they aren’t looking at it because they see 100 pounds of content that appears like they have to read the entire thing to understand what you’re talking about, and they just do not have the time. So if I can succinctly communicate the projects the solutions in the impact in a few sentences for each one with a few visuals, he said the Recruiter will talk about the projects in an interview. You don’t have to put everything about the project on your website

Aug 27, 2024 9:40:38 AM Me

It’s almost as if I should think about it from a mobile perspective then on tablet and desktop I simply present mobile content designed for the larger viewport

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Aug 27, 2024 10:27:48 AM Me

Doood. this speaks of Jenica to me right now. I would be so incredibly happy with her. I know we’d have shit to workout, but thats any relationship and the key to success. She was more than willing to talk about her feelings all the time, and would offer it up even if not asked. Shes expressive in a way that balances my tendency to be quiet.

Aug 27, 2024 11:08:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Chrome Extension for Notion has a free, and $6 premium subscription model. I would buy this if I could afford it.

Aug 27, 2024 11:08:02 AM Me

https://www.savetonotion.so/

Aug 27, 2024 11:08:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, you using Notion?

Aug 27, 2024 6:07:57 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Not really

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Aug 27, 2024 11:24:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If not, and I arrive at some point in the future, I will take a 3 hour block of your time and take your current info management processes and be able to see it ALL and access it ALL. I have 2 people I follow. Thomas J Frank (Notion Wizard) and Tiago Forte (PARA Method) I honestly feel better knowing all my shit is in there. Projects, Personal, Private, etc. I have nearly all my digital life linked into Notion. Let’s put it this way — You could build a dashboard to all the information in your life. Imagine having a button for each of these and clicking you see all projects, tasks and resources related to that area of your life… Family Personal Business Research Investments Colleagues { Anything else in your brain }

Aug 27, 2024 11:28:16 AM Me

Spotify

Aug 27, 2024 1:23:53 PM Me

Waiting for Aaa to call me back on my insurance. I had a claim submitted two days ago for a fender rub I did with another car and just waiting for the adjuster to figure out what it’s gonna cost and then that will determine how much I pay basically if the repair is under 1000 stay the same if it’s over then I get dinged and pay more for insurance Please cross your fingers for me. The last thing I need right now is for my life to get more expensive

Aug 27, 2024 1:27:36 PM Me

I got to admit this is a real test me keeping my emotions balanced. Typically when something like this is hanging out there unresolved I’ll spin myself into an anxiety spiral and act like chicken little in the sky is falling. Right now I don’t feel that, however it is a conscious and subconscious effort to choose different. I’m getting much better at this particular skill

Aug 27, 2024 6:04:03 PM Me

There is a company in Virginia that is looking for someone just like me. They are a custom software shop very much like Art & Logic. I’m going to apply and then reach out to my friend Daisy who is the art Director at Art & Logic and ask her to be a reference

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Aug 27, 2024 6:05:13 PM Me

Fully remote company based in Virginia and I’d be pretty stoked

Aug 27, 2024 6:05:41 PM Me

Exactly exactly the size in variety of work I’m looking for. Now just to get them to notice me

Aug 27, 2024 6:06:17 PM Me

And hopefully don’t have their ageism hats on

Aug 27, 2024 6:07:57 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Not really

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Aug 27, 2024 6:08:20 PM Me

By the way I had a lot of hours of dashing today and like no money. We’re talking like 56 hours and making like 20 bucks

Aug 27, 2024 6:10:18 PM Me

I had to deal with car insurance stuff today which I did and also car payment crap too

Aug 27, 2024 6:14:05 PM Me

I’m almost to surfers point to go on a walk. I’m feeling really uneasy right now. I don’t feel too well and feel scared

Aug 27, 2024 6:19:04 PM Me

A really big feeling of a impending sense of doom. As if a fucking piano is gonna fall out of the sky on my head.

Aug 27, 2024 6:24:01 PM Me

| Another thing Jenica is in my head again today. All positive of course but you know I want to manifest it but I can’t make somebody like me so I have this incredible somebody else so I stop thinking about her which is kind of awful
Edited 25 seconds later | Another thing Jenica is in my head again today. All positive of course but you know I want to manifest it but I can’t make somebody like me so I have this incredible urge to find somebody else so I stop thinking about her which is kind of awful

Aug 27, 2024 8:27:58 PM Me

Are you at the hotel tonight

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Aug 27, 2024 9:34:19 PM Me

Actually maybe you’re asleep

Aug 27, 2024 11:00:58 PM Me

Having incredibly evening. I got triggered and got angry and went into a tailspin. I had that state of mind where if I had the tools I wouldn’t be texting this right now. It’s weird too I felt not great today but also not like I feel now. I’ve done a lot of shadow work yesterday and today when I got triggered tonight my anger came right the fuck out and was ready to destroy everything. Like a pent up rage from this experience. I’m so angry not just for being put in this place, but the willful ignorance of my situation by someone who I fucking married. How fucking cold a heart does she have? She could help me. But she chooses not to hopefully in about 20 days the court will tell her to fucking get out her wallet and get me a fucking apartment in the lifestyle that I become a custom to the East End for the past quarter century

Aug 27, 2024 11:02:22 PM Me

Last summer I was still a fucking weak ass bitch. Why else would I pack up my shit and move out with nowhere to go. I should’ve stayed in that fucking house until she jumped through all the fucking hoops to have the sheriffs show up and escort me from the building. I should have said well I’ll build a fucking place to live down in the garage and get an air conditioning unit so I can live down there and you can live up here in the fucking house. At least then I would’ve been somewhere, not out here in a fucking parking lot

Aug 27, 2024 11:04:49 PM Me

I mean really I’m supposed to be cordial and civil with her going forward in my life. What happens when the boys get married. I don’t wanna fucking see her so she better not be there She got her way during the marriage and I’m gonna get my fucking way after the marriage. And I don’t give a shit anymore I don’t care about making a scene or whatever we’re upsetting the boys I don’t give a fuck not one microscopic piece of a fuck. I will happily roast elizabeth in front of her boys and all the people there that know her. I’ll tell everybody about how she puts a pillow over her own face during sex and nobody knows what the fuck that is about. When she did that I had to stop . I got the fuck up and was like what are you doing that’s weird. I was told that the lights are bright in the room when the fucking room was dark

Aug 27, 2024 11:05:40 PM Me

My closing line would be Elizabeth, Karma is a bitch Mic drop

Aug 27, 2024 11:06:21 PM Me

Aug 28, 2024 12:04:07 AM (Read by you after 8 hours, 47 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Good release

Aug 28, 2024 9:15:10 AM Me

Good morning are you joining us at the meeting this morning

Aug 28, 2024 9:25:44 AM Me

Hello?

Aug 28, 2024 10:30:58 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Hola, we had a good meeting today. Chatbots actually came up and thought “damn, I wish you were on the call” because I know you have deep knowledge there. We may still use chatbots, but we’re now working on narrowing our pitch to a single page website so we can use it when reaching out to companies.

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Aug 28, 2024 10:56:14 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

I think this is the 3rd or 4th account that is in collections now. I’ll send collections the letter I sent all the CC companies. Hi, I’m unemployed and homeless and have been for nearly 18 months. I can’t give you what I don’t have. Your calls will go unanswered because like I said, I have no money to give you. And I don’t care about credit ratings—they are fictitious numbers invented to keep people down.

Aug 28, 2024 10:56:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have an incredible day! Yours, under a pile of debt,

Aug 28, 2024 10:56:54 AM Me

Bert

Aug 28, 2024 11:42:29 AM Me

Instagram

Aug 28, 2024 11:42:45 AM Me

He’s great

Aug 28, 2024 12:03:45 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

You’re first person I’m sharing this with. I learned about ‘twin flames’ from Heidi last summer, who told me about hers and she met him in high school. Not sure if you know what they are. But essentially, souls/spirits/energy that has reunited. I am convinced, like deep in my gut, that is what my experience with Jenica was. We agreed when discussing it that we both felt a really strong deep feeling we knew each other already. That’s why when she stared into my eyes I sent to place I’d never been or seen before—at least in this human experience. Anyhow. I read an article that gave me hope (which is weird because I tend to live in logic not hopeful hearts) Here’s the article. If you dont know the twin flame concept this is worth a read. It will make sense to you.

Aug 28, 2024 12:03:47 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

mindbodygreen

Aug 28, 2024 1:05:44 PM Me

This is stress release for me now mentally. Now phone due today too. Need $20 to charge and eat. $80 with as little action I get up here… unsure. I always try.

Aug 28, 2024 3:54:40 PM Me

Hey there, my lunchtime – was not very productive. I – from 4 to 630 and then I’m done for the schedule I’m trying to get up to 100 deliveries over 30 days for platinum status so I can dash anytime I want anywhere I want that’s what got me down into Ventura for so long I had dash anytime in Ventura And used it a lot it was great.

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Aug 28, 2024 3:56:54 PM Me

I’m definitely ready for something new. I don’t know if I told you but when I was dating Jenica she started doing a podcast with the guy next-door she’s known forever and the relationship she’s in now is not with him. My point being I found the podcast and I’m listening to the episodes right now and it’s really wonderful to hear her voice and hear her laugh and hear the smile in her voice when she speaking. I’m not trying to be creepy I just know that when I’m making money and I have an apartment gonna reach out to her and tell her I’m ready for a do over, how about you She lives big and loves big and that’s what I love about her. She has a big heart

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Aug 28, 2024 3:58:48 PM Me

Y ktttytgnkkr

Aug 28, 2024 6:16:16 PM Me

Struggling

Aug 28, 2024 6:35:23 PM Me

You ok?

Aug 28, 2024 6:35:32 PM +13038752587

Tired

Aug 28, 2024 6:36:07 PM Me

Really? Why 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aug 28, 2024 6:36:24 PM +13038752587

Very tired / only slept 2 hrs - Lilly was home sick and Sarah got food poisoning

Aug 28, 2024 6:36:38 PM Me

Ok

Aug 28, 2024 6:37:45 PM Me

Are you going to sleep soon or are you up for a while

Aug 28, 2024 6:41:44 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Ok he up to around 9

Aug 28, 2024 6:42:31 PM Me

Ok

Aug 28, 2024 6:45:33 PM Me

I’ll text you in a little bit I have something I want you to look at

Aug 28, 2024 6:50:40 PM Me

Having a weird day. Was ok in am. Shifted about 3-5pm

Aug 28, 2024 6:51:36 PM Me

Dash for 40mins and i want to go to beach. Shadow work is like a dredge

Aug 28, 2024 6:58:27 PM Me

I had this point in my day yesterday where I felt just like this. I’ve also had a headache all day kind of like one of those headband headaches like you’ve worn a hat too tight it’s now turned into one that’s like pinching right above your nose between your eyebrows. Unrelenting

Aug 28, 2024 9:25:54 PM Me

YouTube

Aug 28, 2024 9:57:32 PM Me

Trucks blind me when they drive by at night. No wonder they are at my eye level sitting in my car I just parked facing one. Those the top of those headlights are at my mouth This is like a serious hazard because I get totally fucking blinded and I’m doing like 4550 somebody’s gonna die

Aug 28, 2024 10:39:16 PM Me

| Depth of loneliness Only you know Sleeping in your car Nowhere is home I know no-one And no-one is me a message in a bottle My heart and mind Feel lost at sea Into the abyss Of loneliness I go I go with the flow With nowhere to go Some might say This is your time Working on your being And you wonder If living another day Is really worth Getting up Showing up And the effort almost 600 days Lost at sea The message in the bottle The message is me.
Edited 1 minute, 30 seconds later | Depth of loneliness Only you know Sleeping in your car Nowhere is home I know no-one And no-one is me a message in a bottle My heart and mind Feel lost at sea Into the abyss Of loneliness I go I go with the flow With nowhere to go Some might say This is your time Working on your being And you wonder If living another day Is really worth Getting up Showing up And the effort almost 600 days Lost at sea The message in the bottle The message is me The hamster wheel calls With promises of progress To nowhere

Aug 28, 2024 10:41:18 PM Me

Me Shitting Words

Aug 29, 2024 1:04:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey there. I wrote a long text to Liz,. I had this as the ps. and was going to send it. However, the end I think I come off as smug when I say I have qualities (kind, sweet, loving, sensual, etc) Its all below. It became a stream of consciousness I nearly let her have. There are parts I do want to send to her so she knows some of what I’ve been doing because I’ve shared nothing. She hears things through other people which at this point is only Derick abnd Sherry, because Sallies no longer here. Speaking of which I havent spoken to Derick since Liz got the papers. I wonder if he’s spoken to her. I’ll reach out tomorrow. She may have texted him thinking he may have knew something was coming. However, I shared nothing about that paperwork with him for precisely that reason. Don’t show my cards, and I’m sorry the timing isnt great, but neither was timing to force me to move out. Here it is below. My thought today. I only spent time on the divorce paperwork not any money. So for me it WOULD be easy to rip them up and throw it out. However, its like getting Israel and Hamas at the peace table. If Derick or you and Derick mediated some kind of conversation. She just no longer speaks freely in front of me. Its all very short and controlled. I feel like she treats me like I murdered her parents. Kicked me out of her life and wont speak to me. Barely replies related to boys things. Anyhow. here is what I didnt send lmkw ——- ps. I’m been doing some deep healing work for a while now, well over 1000 days of meditation. I’m now working on integrating parts of myself that were repressed and hidden from when I was a kid—behaviors where I was told to stop, and stuff it away. I never learned how to be outwardly upset to others—ever. I didn’t know how to communicate my dislike or discomfort of anything—stuff it down, crank up the anxiety from both stuffing it down, and the fear of letting it out. A really terrible cycle of living and being that ultimately made you get distant from me. I didn’t know how to communicate some basic things to you because I simply did not have the skills. Why am I sharing this? Because I wan’t you to know that I’m working hard at being better. There are parts of me that don’t exist anymore, and there are new parts of me I am discovering by facing my shadow and integrating parts of it that are positive into me (Carl Jung). For example, I’m no longer quiet when I do or do not want to do, or have, something — ie. something I know bothered you — I share my opinion as openly as my emotions. I’m still kind, but I no longer extend kindness just to get someone to like me. I’m kind when I want to be to whom I want to, because I know I am very kind, and very sweet, loving and sensual. I have qualities a woman would beg to have in her husband. Ok, enough… Off to bed after a shadow work meditation. The shadow work continues

Aug 29, 2024 8:13:35 AM Me

Hey

Aug 29, 2024 8:14:45 AM Me

Between the time I spend every day dealing with my mind and dealing with homelessness and unemployment make it a little harder than normal to find any kind of success

Aug 29, 2024 8:15:45 AM Me

When are you done with the graveyard? I thought that was coming up soon

Aug 29, 2024 8:40:30 AM Me

Figures. Crying because there's a woman I love and, at least for now, I cant be with her. I can see the why behind this. To allow me to get shit together, and her time to see that I can do it. I might be FAR more attractive when I have Maslows needs met. Like anyone, duh

Aug 29, 2024 8:42:41 AM Me

Timing wasnt right to STICK together, but it was right to meet. There's a "if u love someone set them free, and if they come back its meant to be" aspect to this.

Aug 29, 2024 8:43:15 AM Me

Its how my relationship with Liz went. And I married her.

Aug 29, 2024 10:29:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

howdy. The link is upcoming sits in your area. Wondering what time frame I shoudl be looking at:

Aug 29, 2024 10:29:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.trustedhousesitters.com/house-and-pet-sitting-assignments/?q=eyJmaWx0ZXJzIjp7ImFjdGl2ZU1lbWJlcnNoaXAiOnRydWUsImFzc2lnbm1lbnRzIjp7InJldmlld2luZyI6ZmFsc2UsImNvbmZpcm1lZCI6ZmFsc2V9LCJnZW9Qb2ludCI6eyJsYXRpdHVkZSI6MzkuNDAyMjEsImxvbmdpdHVkZSI6LTEwNy4yMTExNiwiZGlzdGFuY2UiOiI0MGttIn19LCJmYWNldHMiOltdLCJzb3J0IjpbeyJwdWJsaXNoZWQiOiJkZXNjIn1dLCJwYWdlIjoxLCJyZXN1bHRzUGVyUGFnZSI6MTIsImRlYnVnIjpmYWxzZX0=

Aug 29, 2024 10:30:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

LIke this sit in Glenwood Springs in Oct that has no applications.

Aug 29, 2024 10:30:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.trustedhousesitters.com/house-and-pet-sitting-assignments/united-states/colorado/glenwood-springs/l/865157/

Aug 29, 2024 10:30:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Pretty sure I would get that if I applied. My reviews from M+K are pretty good.

Aug 29, 2024 10:31:47 AM Me

https://www.trustedhousesitters.com/login/?next=%2Fuser%2Fprofile%2Fedit%2Fprofile-preview%2F

Aug 29, 2024 12:26:55 PM Me

Been at it 4.5 hours already today

Aug 29, 2024 2:10:46 PM Me

Feeling pretty down right now. Did some shadow work and doing the integrating I can feel it I’ve integrated huge portion of my anger because it’s on the surface. I find that the anger gives me a foundational confidence in a way that is basically saying if you fuck with me I’m gonna bring it physically verbally whatever. I am not putting up with what I feel is abuse towards me. Those days are long fucking gone

Aug 29, 2024 5:50:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sam pinged me on LI. Wants to talk. Told him I know of Goodflower. Stoked. Told him no matter the outcome I would still like to meet for coffee

Aug 29, 2024 5:51:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its the marketing biz dev for the cannabis company.

Aug 29, 2024 6:31:23 PM Me

Watermelon Mint Pilsner. Fruit forward

Aug 29, 2024 6:31:51 PM Me

3 more to go and I get a glass

Aug 29, 2024 7:25:08 PM Me

Hey man you around

Aug 29, 2024 7:25:33 PM Me

I just had the most awkward experience. And I don't have an outlet for it

Aug 29, 2024 7:26:54 PM Me

I have what I’ll call toxic soup going on

Aug 29, 2024 7:28:27 PM (Read by you after 39 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll catch up in a bit Girls home today Mama sick Papa now drinking a margarita 🍻

Aug 29, 2024 7:30:25 PM Me

I'm feeling Really strong vibes I just don't wanna be here. I just ran into to Jenica's really good friends one with her husband who I know and the other with a new boyfriend I didn't know. It was so fucking awkward It was the first time either of them have seen me since March and it's like they didn't know how to talk to me. Like I was some kind of freak

Aug 29, 2024 7:30:41 PM Me

I thought they were friends but man maybe it was all just fake

Aug 29, 2024 7:32:37 PM Me

I’m just feeling incredibly alone at the moment and I don’t want to be here. And by here I don’t mean Ventura I mean earth I mean consciousness

Aug 29, 2024 7:33:04 PM Me

Man I didn’t realize just how goddamn triggering that was until I walked away

Aug 29, 2024 7:33:38 PM Me

To me it just reinforces what I already feel and presently have as truth

Aug 29, 2024 7:57:56 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

These are your thoughts not theirs

Aug 29, 2024 7:59:02 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It’s awkward whenever people run into an ex - been there many times.

Aug 29, 2024 7:37:47 PM Me

Loser

Aug 29, 2024 7:38:27 PM Me

I’m just sick of all this bullshit

Aug 29, 2024 7:39:29 PM Me

I’m sick of having emotions that are just overwhelming and draining.

Aug 29, 2024 7:42:57 PM Me

The thing that was kind of annoying was when I walked up they just kept having their conversation and didn’t stop. The one woman carry turned to me and was kinda like oh yeah hi how are you kinda like half conversation. I was on my way out and happened to see them and hadn’t seen them in six months so I thought it would be friendly to say hello. But I felt like I was an enemy or some kind of shit

Aug 29, 2024 7:43:40 PM Me

Anyway I’m just sick of feeling fucked up and alone and depressed and feeling like a loser because my luck won’t change I really feel the tap out urge strongly

Aug 29, 2024 7:44:51 PM Me

I’m gonna drive across town and see if I can find a way to go walk at the beach. I was hoping to hear about the sit this weekend but I don’t think it’s happening

Aug 29, 2024 7:45:58 PM Me

I’ve got Declan reserved to work with me on Saturday which is the last day of the month so I can take all my stuff out of storage and pull out the things that are have to go to second helpings and the things that should go in the trash and I’m hoping to get it down to 5 x 5 and move it but who knows. At this point I don’t even know what’s happening 36 hours beyond right now if that

Aug 29, 2024 7:46:51 PM Me

Past couple days I have felt marginally what the fuck will I call it marginally not getting fucked over by my own brain that’s the best that’s the best way I can put it

Aug 29, 2024 7:50:54 PM Me

I got 40 minutes until the sun goes below the horizon so I’m gonna try to catch that unfortunately For me I will be doing it with a very lonely heart tonight. Yesterday I fucking lost it and started screaming at the top of my lungs at the universe for fucking me over by allowing me to meet her and then take her away from me. There’s a cruelty to that on top of what I’m already dealing with divorce wise in terms of my sense being

Aug 29, 2024 7:51:15 PM Me

My fucking idea of who or what the fuck I am is vaporware

Aug 29, 2024 7:53:17 PM Me

Find myself dancing with the devil again tonight

Aug 29, 2024 7:54:30 PM Me

I’m definitely not trying to find myself in other things or look for some kind of codependency I’m just straight up fucking alone

Aug 29, 2024 7:55:59 PM Me

It’s like hey yo I’ve had enough fucking alone time like for real I don’t need anymore it’s all filled up. It’s not like I don’t like being alone it’s just that I’ve done so much of it that it’s too much Being alone for me has been far too much of a good thing

Aug 29, 2024 7:57:56 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

These are your thoughts not theirs
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 29, 2024 7:59:02 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It’s awkward whenever people run into an ex - been there many times.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 29, 2024 8:03:35 PM Me

I’m calming down somewhat. It’s just interesting that when I get triggered it instantly jumps right the fuck out takes over my brain.

Aug 29, 2024 8:04:15 PM Me

That reaction I have is rooted in my shadow it’s not anger it’s something else perhaps rooted deeper

Aug 29, 2024 8:05:36 PM Me

I’m about to go meditate at the beach and do a shadow meditation. That’s the other thing I forget is I’ve been dredging depth of my being the past few days I’ve felt a bit fucked up. There’s a part of me that wants to stay here andget on my feet so I can be with her I don’t know what the fuck to do

Aug 29, 2024 8:08:25 PM Me

I don’t wanna walk away from what could potentially be one of the greatest relationships Ever. I just don’t understand why I feel that leaving me and choosing not to be in a relationship with me simply over money does feel shallow I’ve sat and thought deeply about the idea of truly loving someone. When you really love someone everything else is irrelevant. I know this because I had that feeling for decades with Elizabethand that slowly died on the vine which is incredibly sad. If she had stuck it out with me she’d be so fucking stoked right now because I am so different than I was before. You will see for yourself at some point if I ever make it out there

Aug 29, 2024 8:17:53 PM Me

In this is exactly the music that’s behind in the background all Miner keys all depressing

Aug 29, 2024 8:17:57 PM Me

Spotify

Aug 29, 2024 8:19:02 PM Me

If my depression anxiety and ADD were not in front of my face every day for me to UGG against to get anything done. I would probably get 5 to 10 times more done simply because of focus. I FLIT from thing to thing or topic to topic. It’s like those old plates spinners on the variety shows you gotta run around and keep spend a little on this plate spin a little on this one spin a little on this one to keep them all fucking going that’s kind of what every day feels like me to mefrom the moment I wake up I go to sleep I’m spinning plates

Aug 29, 2024 8:20:22 PM Me

Feel this

Aug 29, 2024 8:20:24 PM Me

Spotify

Aug 29, 2024 8:34:06 PM Me

Couple of observations My intuition is telling me that it’s important for me to communicate my shit. I don’t know how to say it other than that. It’s gonna be some combination of photography art design maybe the podcast idea I don’t know it’s a soup of that. I’m glad I took photos of my journey last year but I regret not Doing even five minutes of talk at each charge. I’d be able to string that together as one long monologue of traveling across the country. No reason to cry over it I don’t have it but I do have the photos. I was thinking of actually sending copies of all my photos my journey on the map and send it to Volkswagen. Who knows maybe they want to do an ad or some kind of shit with my story you never know

Aug 29, 2024 8:34:22 PM Me

| I realized I should’ve had them sponsor me last summer I could’ve blocked across the country
Edited 14 seconds later | I realized I should’ve had them sponsor me last summer I could’ve blogged across the country

Aug 29, 2024 8:36:17 PM Me

I probably have a book if I could get my text messages from the start of my trip in June. Actually there’s the narrative with the photos. Maybe I’ll noodle around with that later tonight and have AI help me figure out how to do it

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Aug 29, 2024 9:35:48 PM Me

https://www.gaiagps.com/public/Ff23oXLPwwS775utdxJELtlW/

Aug 29, 2024 9:35:58 PM Me

I’m done with my walk along the beach and out to the pier and back

Aug 29, 2024 9:39:42 PM Me

I have no idea if you read anything I wrote about running into Jenica’s friends who I thought were my friends but tonight made that abundantly clear to me

Aug 29, 2024 9:40:50 PM Me

The reason I asked is because my walk along the beach after my encounter with them and getting incredibly triggered etc. it’s made me realize that with running into Jenica like a month ago I don’t know if I want to be here at least right now. I love Ventura would live here by a house the whole thing it’s wonderful. But my shit is not together and.

Aug 29, 2024 9:42:15 PM Me

I had a vibe develop in Ojai it started at Thacher but I have it in Ojai now where I feel incredibly uneasy just being there. And I’m feeling that after reflection from the experience tonight like and I don’t want it to start to make me not like Ventura or feel like I can’t hang out here because right now I don’t feel like I can hang out here Simply because I can’t plant my feet

Aug 29, 2024 9:42:41 PM Me

It’s Mazzola’s hierarchy of needs plain and fucking simple

Aug 29, 2024 9:48:54 PM Me

Missing nearly entire bottom. From Green Down For almost 18 months. If that is not some kind of fucking shade of torture when you throw my depression and all the other bullshit like divorce in there. It’s a mental hellscape

Aug 29, 2024 9:48:58 PM Me

Aug 29, 2024 9:49:20 PM Me

Sometimes it does feel like I have all those nails in my head

Aug 29, 2024 10:33:31 PM +13038752587

I imagine how it may feel. I did read it - responded briefly. Hope the walk helped. I’m off to sleep 💤

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Aug 29, 2024 10:33:31 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 30, 2024 7:31:16 AM Me

GM

Aug 30, 2024 7:33:19 AM Me

I have the president of the dart league asking me if I’m on a team this yet for fall league. No one in the dart league has any idea that I’m thinking about taking off and I just became a board member. They might be the only people I know that don’t judge me Anyhow I’m gonna reply to him today and say I’m not gonna be on a team and then he’s gonna wonder why the fuck why? Right now with no plan or anything going forward I just don’t even know what the fuck to say to him or anybody for that matter.

Aug 30, 2024 4:24:28 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Grab a spot - if you aren’t in the area then they can replace you

Aug 30, 2024 7:35:12 AM Me

Last night running into those friends of Jenica prove to me I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing I don’t know what the fucking say. I’m just a big fucking mess. It’s sad because I just don’t want to fucking keep going

Aug 30, 2024 7:36:53 AM Me

I’m numb to living Every day I just go through these fucking motions. I wake up the next day and do it all over again.

Aug 30, 2024 7:37:22 AM Me

No hope no purpose

Aug 30, 2024 7:38:50 AM Me

I’m burned out on being alive

Aug 30, 2024 7:39:28 AM Me

And that’s something I never even contemplated before. But it’s how I feel. Burned out from life is perfect perfect almost

Aug 30, 2024 7:46:23 AM Me

And I have the enjoyable prospective spending yet another weekend alone

Aug 30, 2024 8:03:30 AM Me

I spend all my time energy and focus on staying alive. That and mental illnesses. I’m just done

Aug 30, 2024 8:04:01 AM Me

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired of living like this

Aug 30, 2024 8:21:48 AM Me

And if something was gonna work and get me out of this situation I think I would’ve found it by now Maybe I’m not supposed to get out of this. Maybe I am supposed to go homeless? All the messaging I’m getting is disappear and go away. People are pretending when they talk to me. And a bunch of them are really bad at that I can see right through the transparency. I just don’t wanna fucking do this anymore I don’t wanna be alive I don’t wanna live like this I just would rather be dead sorry if that upsets people but I don’t wanna fucking be alive

Aug 30, 2024 8:22:59 AM Me

Need for me right now there feels like there is literally nothing for me to get up in the morning for. I mean every day just sucks who the fuck wants to wake up to another shitty day

Aug 30, 2024 8:23:33 AM Me

I’ve done positive positive thinking I’ve manifested my asshole through my mouth I mean what the fuck else do I Gotta do

Aug 30, 2024 8:50:08 AM Me

I just need to get it through my head that she left me because of money. Real love doesn't care about money, it finds a way Or am I wrong?

Aug 30, 2024 8:50:24 AM Me

I may be

Aug 30, 2024 8:58:13 AM Me

No weekend at beach house :-(

Aug 30, 2024 8:59:24 AM Me

Labor day weekend living in the car. Working every fucking day no days off Not happy

Aug 30, 2024 8:59:47 AM Me

Actually when am I ever happy? Never

Aug 30, 2024 9:00:16 AM Me

Or if I am it comes and goes so fast its like a sneeze

Aug 30, 2024 9:01:00 AM Me

I keep getting pushed to check out Like that's supposed to happen

Aug 30, 2024 9:03:25 AM Me

I'm tired of being alive

Aug 30, 2024 10:39:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

UGH

Aug 30, 2024 10:41:26 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

ok. Thanks for letting me shit in the text thread 💩 I’m going thru alot right inside the head, I think its progress, we’ll see. Done door dashing for today. Did a 7am start. Couldnt get anything else today. So I’ll focus on the computer stuff.

Aug 30, 2024 10:43:13 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

What I dont know is what am I working towards/for? Hard to think beyond a day. ok, working towards having a longer horizon to see more of nothing coming at me.

Aug 30, 2024 11:40:10 AM Me

African proverb: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Aug 30, 2024 11:40:49 AM Me

I’m alone, very alone. And not going fast at all 🙁 I’m a loser baby, so why dont you kill me

Aug 30, 2024 12:02:26 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

In the middle of paperwork and then a meeting at work. I’ll catch up this afternoon

Aug 30, 2024 12:02:43 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Hang in there - use the tools you have.

Aug 30, 2024 12:24:38 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 30, 2024 12:24:54 PM Me

Its weird Hit me

Aug 30, 2024 12:26:46 PM Me

I'm soooo tired. I fall asleep during meditation And yeah I can keep using the tools But it doesn’t matter what the fuck I do nothing changes. I’m just done with this shit

Aug 30, 2024 2:31:54 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

my dns for bertmahoney.com is all fucked up again.

Aug 30, 2024 2:32:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

found out cause a guy in england pinged me on LI and said he couldnt email me. 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

Aug 30, 2024 2:34:13 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Also, had a really stylish woman sit down next to me at Starbucks. I caught her eye on the way in and exchanged smiles. I’m not sure but I think she was looking over at my screen to see what I was up to — coding web shit.

Aug 30, 2024 2:34:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I was having a devil and angel on the shoulder argument over whether to talk to her. Her energy said, talk to me.

Aug 30, 2024 2:41:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

However, given my life situation its wrong of me to meet people for 2 reasons. 1. I have no way of ‘funding’ any part of any kind of relationship, including friendship—not really a great way to start a relationship 2. I don’t feel awkward, but when I tell people of my situation they have a “HOLY FUCK” 😳 moment or two—and then THEY feel awkward because suddenly the typical bullshitting pattern of “so how’s work, how’s the family, etc” I had a thermonuclear weapon go off. I’m in a nuclear winter. I shouldn’t be putting myself out there because ultimately it boils down to being selfish wanting to connect and if I were to put myself out there I could end up in a Jenica situation again. I can’t do that again. My heart and head are still fucked up from that.

Aug 30, 2024 3:24:16 PM Me

No holiday weekend for this guy I just had a thought and that was filing for divorce and serving Liz the papers, is giving her what she wants. Which is what I do. What a great way to have my final act be to give her what she wants this divorce. I’m about to handover second batch of paperwork she hast to fill out for financial disclosure I am going to ask her if she’d like to sit down and talk about this to see where she’s at, I’ve always been open to talking

Aug 30, 2024 3:24:21 PM Me

Thoughts?

Aug 30, 2024 4:30:21 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 33 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Worth asking - be mentally prepared for either answer

Aug 30, 2024 4:23:17 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

Catching up now

Aug 30, 2024 4:23:20 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Aug 30, 2024 4:24:28 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Grab a spot - if you aren’t in the area then they can replace you
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Aug 30, 2024 4:24:30 PM Me

I just had an incident with Aidan on campus at the house. I’m extremely pissed off right now

Aug 30, 2024 4:24:58 PM Me

He kept telling me to get the fuck off campus, told me he knows the story of what I did to Elizabeth, and then gave me the finger as I drove away

Aug 30, 2024 4:25:33 PM Me

As you can imagine I’m having a little heart bit of a hard time with that. And the fact that he’s telling me I need to text him before I come up on the campus and I also need to text him if I want to talk to Declan. And I told him no

Aug 30, 2024 4:26:26 PM Me

I also just called elizabeth and left a voicemail and said that I was on campus picking up my mail and that Aidan was being weird and that I need her to call me

Aug 30, 2024 4:28:14 PM Me

He will not listen to me but I need to ask Elizabeth to speak with him and ask him to stay out of this. I just asked him to stay out of this. And told him that my relationship with his mother is none of my business

Aug 30, 2024 4:29:03 PM Me

He was pissed off that I filed for divorce, he said you just wanna take half of everything mom has. He doesn’t know that she asked for the divorce. She wanted it last summer but sat on her hands and wouldn’t file because she knows she has to give me half of everything. so I’m gonna text Aidan that right now so he knows the real fucking story because I’m sick of his bullshit quite honestly and I am not gonna stand for it

Aug 30, 2024 4:29:27 PM Me

| This is part of Angry Birds being integrated now I am upset but I am not out of control
Edited 18 seconds later | This is part of Angry Bert being integrated now I am upset but I am not out of control

Aug 30, 2024 4:30:21 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 33 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Worth asking - be mentally prepared for either answer
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 30, 2024 4:33:01 PM Me

I am prepared for either answer. I just dropped off the paperwork she needs to fill out for the next step in the process. I left her a note with that saying filing those papers was the hardest goddamn thing I’ve ever had to do because I don’t want it. But I’m giving you what you want and I realize sometimes talking about it and facing reality are different. So I’m here if you wanna talk and that’s it

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Aug 30, 2024 4:33:45 PM Me

I left a voicemail with Elizabeth asking her to call me and I didn’t give her any details. I also left sent her a text message that said please listen to your voicemail

Aug 30, 2024 4:33:46 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It makes sense for him to be upset. The eldest child usually takes divorce the hardest. Letting him know this was not your idea is legit.

Aug 30, 2024 4:34:07 PM Me

I am not texting her about this. I want to speak to her directly and ask her to have a conversation with Aidan because he’s ready to start punching me and start a fight

Aug 30, 2024 4:34:24 PM Me

I can see it. I’ve been around enough angry people to know when they are going to pop and he is ready to go

Aug 30, 2024 4:39:44 PM Me

I just texted Aidan the two following bubbles

Aug 30, 2024 4:39:48 PM Me

Aidan your mother asked me for a divorce back in 2022. Last summer I asked her for the paperwork. She told me she wasn’t filing because I didn’t have a job or health insurance. She took me off her health insurance this May and then didn’t file any paperwork And it’s been over a year and I’ve been waiting for her to file. Instead of getting angry at me maybe ask your mother why she waited over a year to file. She’s the one that wanted this Aidan and that is the damn truth

Aug 30, 2024 4:40:32 PM Me

The emd of this marriage and family has been your mother’s choice. I have been ready and willing to talk and heal and resolve anything. Your mother simply refuses

Aug 30, 2024 4:41:59 PM Me

I just pulled into the Vons parking lot all this is starting to fucking hit me and I’m losing my shit

Aug 30, 2024 4:42:17 PM Me

This is like a whole Nother fucking level of pain to this thing

Aug 30, 2024 4:42:26 PM Me

And I didn’t see it coming

Aug 30, 2024 4:53:44 PM +13038752587

Somehow I thought the boys were clued into Liz’s desire to end the relationship.

Aug 30, 2024 4:54:11 PM Me

Dude I have no idea what she’s telling them but she’s not telling them either the whole story, or she’s making shit up I don’t know

Aug 30, 2024 4:54:14 PM +13038752587

I forgot how hard my parents divorce was on Bobby and Ellen

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Aug 30, 2024 4:54:51 PM Me

I mean there was nothing bad and what I sent Aidan that’s just straight up information. And if he brought any of that to Elizabeth I don’t think she could deny any of that. Am I right there? I’m so close to this I can’t see clearly

Aug 30, 2024 4:55:12 PM +13038752587

Sounds right

Aug 30, 2024 5:04:03 PM Me

K, the last thing I wanna do is give him something that’s like meat on a bone, or is some kind of like evidence he can hold onto. I’m kind of frozen right now man I’m parked on the side of the road in the piece of shade on the side of the street in the middle of kind of nowhere. I should be getting back to the computer and getting on my shit but I can’t think straight

Aug 30, 2024 5:04:17 PM Me

you saw my crap from this morning, shit like this brings me right back to that headspace

Aug 30, 2024 5:06:22 PM +13038752587

You have to process this as much as you can on your side. He will have to process his side.

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Aug 30, 2024 5:09:28 PM Me

I think I got to go walk at the beach again.

Aug 30, 2024 5:10:06 PM Me

Being alone right now and this weekend is not good. No beach house sit. I’m sleeping in my car all weekend and for the foreseeable future. I don’t have any pet sitting scheduled or any prospects at the moment

Aug 30, 2024 5:11:07 PM Me

I’m headed back to the storage place to see if I can move into a smaller unit, and picking up my Darts because I might go throw some darts and Ventura by myself

Aug 30, 2024 5:12:15 PM Me

My head is in one of those I have no fucking idea what to do with myself spaces I hate this

Aug 30, 2024 5:12:43 PM Me

And I don’t have a place, like an apartment I can sit in. I have to fucking keep moving around which is so annoying

Aug 30, 2024 5:14:44 PM Me

Overwhelming feeling of being lost and cast off

Aug 30, 2024 5:18:12 PM Me

Oh, you mentioned that I should just join a team and then get a substitute. It costs 60 bucks to join the team league and 100 bucks to join singles league and I don’t have money for either so I can’t join if I wanted to

Aug 30, 2024 5:19:13 PM Me

Kinda like when I took the boys to In-N-Out last time and they both ordered double doubles and then the guy said how about you and I said nope that’s it, asked again a second time and I said no I’m good because I don’t have the money to buy my own lunch I bought my kids lunch. my boys I could tell felt horrible

Aug 30, 2024 5:19:51 PM Me

Every day for me has bad news and I’ve just had enough

Aug 30, 2024 5:21:31 PM Me

I’m at storage right now putting some things away and grabbing Darts because I have some kind of fantasy that I’m gonna go play. Even if I went to play darts the bar will be full of people and I’ll walk in not say a word to anybody. I’ll probably play for 30 minutes or so and then I leave without talking to anybody. Remember I can’t be a part of society right now

Aug 30, 2024 5:21:47 PM Me

This culture is paid to play

Aug 30, 2024 5:22:22 PM Me

OK that’s enough I’ll leave you alone the rest of the night take care of yourself I know you got a family to take care of

Aug 30, 2024 5:23:27 PM Me

Last thing. Bet you $100 Liz doesn’t call me or text me back when I explicitly asked her to both in text and voicemail

Aug 30, 2024 6:19:52 PM Me

I was just thinking that I should tell Aidan he should be pissed at his mother for being so dishonorable at not honoring her wedding vows.

Aug 30, 2024 6:25:55 PM Me

how do I answer the dart club president asking me if I’m on a team yet when I don’t have the money

Aug 30, 2024 6:28:53 PM Me

??

Aug 30, 2024 6:31:45 PM Me

I’m still sitting frozen at the storage place. I was gonna go to Ventura but I don’t feel like going anywhere is gonna change anything. I feel really uncomfortable inside my own skin right now

Aug 30, 2024 6:32:20 PM Me

kind of hard to navigate all this alone

Aug 30, 2024 6:32:33 PM Me

I feel like the bad guy

Aug 30, 2024 6:33:34 PM +13038752587

That’s a normal feeling. / almost default. Not sure where it comes from I almost always feel that way

Aug 30, 2024 6:33:56 PM Me

I don’t know how to answer Darts

Aug 30, 2024 6:35:03 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Send a messsg- saying you respond after the holiday weekend

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Aug 30, 2024 6:34:05 PM +13038752587

Willow fell on bike - calming her down - dint think anything is. Serious.

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Aug 30, 2024 6:35:03 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Send a messsg- saying you respond after the holiday weekend

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Aug 30, 2024 6:35:16 PM Me

| Remember when we would get up and brush the rocks out of the scabs on her knees and get back on the bike and keep on going? Kids today…. weak ass shit 🤣🤣🤣
Edited 10 seconds later | Remember when we would get up and brush the rocks out of the scabs on our knees and get back on the bike and keep on going? Kids today…. weak ass shit 🤣🤣🤣

Aug 30, 2024 6:35:54 PM Me

There was I remember there was some kind of trail system in the crest

Aug 30, 2024 6:36:00 PM +13038752587

her friend ran over her arm - 50 lb tire roll

Aug 30, 2024 6:36:41 PM ⇲ Me

Oy

Aug 30, 2024 6:36:58 PM ⇲ Me

I bet you she has a cool tire tread tattoo now😀

Aug 30, 2024 6:36:04 PM Me

For bicycles through the woods

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Aug 30, 2024 6:36:16 PM +13038752587

A few

Aug 30, 2024 6:36:41 PM ⇱ Me

Oy
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 30, 2024 6:36:58 PM ⇱ Me

I bet you she has a cool tire tread tattoo now😀
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 30, 2024 6:40:29 PM Me

something I just remembered from that encounter with Aidan, at one point he said, “oh what’s the matter are you gonna start crying now?” kind of sounds like his mom’s attitude coming through him

Aug 30, 2024 6:41:14 PM Me

I got a really good mind to write a letter, perhaps on Google Docs. And then send a link to the boys and into Elizabeth and it will tell everything to the finest detail that I can remember

Aug 30, 2024 6:42:03 PM Me

I do not want them making opinions about me based off of Elizabeth’s story I told Aidan you’ve only heard your mother’s story. What she believes to be true. However that story is not the truth because it doesn’t include anything that I experienced

Aug 30, 2024 6:43:13 PM Me

I mean I’ve got her quote from therapy, “I decided to let it happen” when you decide to let something happen you are giving permission. I took nothing she gave permission end of fucking story

Aug 30, 2024 6:44:06 PM +13038752587

Going offline for a bit - I’ll catch up once giris are in bed

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Aug 30, 2024 6:56:53 PM Me

oh, I just remembered that tomorrow at midnight I have no car insurance

Aug 30, 2024 6:57:18 PM Me

so there’s that to deal with tomorrow and I do not have 200 and something dollars to pay it. I think I got 10 bucks right now

Aug 30, 2024 6:57:38 PM Me

That’s why I was texting earlier in the week I think the end of the show is coming up

Aug 30, 2024 7:05:40 PM Me

| I was just thinking Aidan thinks he’s somehow defending his mother’s honor like he’s her husband. Thing is there’s no honor to defend. supported by the fact that she did not uphold the vow she spoke to my face at our wedding. I don’t know how to make it any simpler than that. I wanted to abundantly clear I am not the fucking bad guy here. Maybe I need somebody else to shout that. Maybe I need to have Derick have a talk with Aidan. is somebody I know Aidan would listen to. And Derick understands me. The thing is Aidan and I are so fucking alike it’s ridiculous that’s why we are at heads with each other we trigger each other
Edited 19 seconds later | I was just thinking Aidan thinks he’s somehow defending his mother’s honor like he’s her husband. Thing is there’s no honor to defend. supported by the fact that she did not uphold the vow she spoke to my face at our wedding. I don’t know how to make it any simpler than that. I wanted to abundantly clear I am not the fucking bad guy here. Maybe I need somebody else to shout that. Maybe I need to have Derick have a talk with Aidan. Derick is somebody I know Aidan would listen to. And Derick understands me. The thing is Aidan and I are so fucking alike it’s ridiculous that’s why we are at heads with each other we trigger each other

Aug 30, 2024 7:07:14 PM Me

I just don’t understand how I go from being an amazing husband at my birthday in May 2 suddenly after the Fourth of July she suddenly wants a divorce because of one thing. Yeah I was drinking but you know what I can work on that and happy to do it. In fact I can’t even remember the last time I had a beer I can’t fucking afford it

Aug 30, 2024 7:08:20 PM Me

I just left the storage place after sitting staring at the cement for two hours. I’m going to head to the beach see how I feel when I’m there and then probably shoot darts if I’m feeling it otherwise I’ll just go park and go to sleep on some fucking random street I have yet to find

Aug 30, 2024 7:49:08 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Have not read yet - suggestion allow Aidan space to feel how he feels. While he is in the matrix, nothing will connect.

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Aug 30, 2024 7:56:17 PM Me

I was in no way trying to provoke him but he was triggered. I mean come on if there’s a person that knows what it looks like somebody gets triggered it’s me

Aug 30, 2024 8:01:10 PM Me

hey yo, just so you know I realize that coming and staying with you and your family may not be cool with Sarah and I totally 1000% get that It’s easy for me to go stay with your mom or trea

Aug 30, 2024 8:26:27 PM Me

The sun literally just set on the Pacific

Aug 30, 2024 8:26:49 PM Me

as it got close to the horizon it had this rippling effect that I’ve only seen in movies period I’ve never seen it for real and it happened tonight

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Aug 30, 2024 8:27:25 PM Me

I won’t lie dude I feel like I’m in a minefield

Aug 30, 2024 11:02:49 PM Me

I just wrote this from my heart in Elizabeth’s text channel and nearly hit send. However I would like you to read it before I send it you should also know I hand wrote a note to her and left it with her response paperwork. I reiterated to her that I don’t want this and that I am still open to talking this through

Aug 30, 2024 11:03:04 PM Me

If there’s anything you know about me is that I’m willing to do the work and put in the effort

Aug 30, 2024 11:05:00 PM Me

Even if that looks like me living somewhere not with her, but we are going to therapy, and maybe on small dates where we simply go to dinner relax and try to talk and get our relationship back. I know what the fuck went wrong what the hell I’ve been doing the past two years but is thinking this through and reflection I know exactly what the fuck

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Aug 30, 2024 11:06:13 PM Me

Needs to change on my side of the equation. It’s quite easy I need to return to how I was in the relationship before 2008. It was when Darragh was two or three years old when I first felt something weird in terms of her Relations with me

Aug 30, 2024 11:06:33 PM Me

What I left today was the response paperwork. A part of me still doesn’t want this. And you should know that straight from me. A part of me will never give up on you. That part of me wants to actively listen to the person i gave my heart to before I walk away. Only for understanding to be a better person, and to simply listen. My heart is wide open. But if its to be, And if you don’t want me, fine i accept it and I need to move on. Sitting in a liminal space is good for no one.

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Aug 31, 2024 9:51:06 AM ⇲ +13038752587

You left this in writing or you want to send it

Aug 31, 2024 9:51:31 AM ⇲ Me

I wrote something to her it’s not this but a shorter lighter version of this

Aug 30, 2024 11:06:49 PM Me

Please read that and let me know what you think. Let me know if there is anything I should perhaps edit it or take it out

Aug 31, 2024 9:17:15 AM ⇲ Me

GM. The Bum is awake.

Aug 31, 2024 2:32:58 AM Me

19.5 hours awake

Aug 31, 2024 2:33:10 AM Me

Time to sleep

Aug 31, 2024 9:17:15 AM ⇱ Me

GM. The Bum is awake.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 31, 2024 9:18:15 AM Me

Never thought of Myself as that but it weirdly fits.

Aug 31, 2024 9:52:05 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Not really - a bum is someone who doesn’t actively seek to change their situation

Aug 31, 2024 9:18:30 AM Me

Totally defeated

Aug 31, 2024 9:18:57 AM Me

Why bother? Nothing gets better Nothing changes

Aug 31, 2024 9:19:47 AM Me

“Keep going” and “keep pushing” are easy to say But not to do.

Aug 31, 2024 9:20:20 AM Me

Hope Willows arm is ok

Aug 31, 2024 9:52:38 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I think just a good bruise hopefully

Aug 31, 2024 9:22:49 AM Me

— Oh and tonight at midnight I have to park somewhere so Im close to things in VTA. no car insurance So can't drive, park and live in it.

Aug 31, 2024 9:23:19 AM Me

Have to adjust somehow

Aug 31, 2024 9:26:38 AM Me

And I feel sickness coming Yay me!

Aug 31, 2024 9:28:05 AM Me

Oh I'll need to get to Ojai so I can get what I need out of storage because today’s the last day of the month and I don’t have next month payment so they will lock my stuff in the unit and I won’t be able to access until I can pay, or they auction off my shit

Aug 31, 2024 9:28:45 AM Me

So only need about $500 to show up out of thin air today

Aug 31, 2024 9:56:01 AM ⇲ +13038752587

So ask the question how does $500 come into my life with ease?

Aug 31, 2024 9:57:01 AM ⇲ Me

I just asked myself that very question and the answer is it doesn’t happen.

Aug 31, 2024 9:32:12 AM Me

I think I'm going to quit

Aug 31, 2024 9:55:17 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Not allowed 🚫 😍

Aug 31, 2024 9:33:26 AM Me

K Hope u have a good day 👍 Bye

Aug 31, 2024 9:47:00 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Good day

Aug 31, 2024 9:47:07 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Solo dad day

Aug 31, 2024 9:47:22 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

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Aug 31, 2024 9:51:06 AM ⇱ +13038752587

You left this in writing or you want to send it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 31, 2024 9:51:31 AM ⇱ Me

I wrote something to her it’s not this but a shorter lighter version of this
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 31, 2024 9:51:47 AM Me

I’m just feeling the need to reiterate because I we don’t communicate at all

Aug 31, 2024 9:52:05 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Not really - a bum is someone who doesn’t actively seek to change their situation
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Aug 31, 2024 9:52:07 AM Me

do you know if she’s so fucking worried about losing half her money then don’t get a divorce sit the fuck down and talk with me

Aug 31, 2024 9:52:38 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I think just a good bruise hopefully
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Aug 31, 2024 9:52:49 AM Me

if we sit down and talk and spend some fucking time digging through this one or two things is gonna happen we’re either gonna realize we can heal, or we realize it ain’t gonna work. But at least we tried. The thing that’s bothering me is I’m getting a divorce without even trying to save it

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Aug 31, 2024 9:53:20 AM Me

and it blows my mind she’s just like cool with kicking my ass to the curb and never talking to me again

Aug 31, 2024 9:53:57 AM Me

and the whole idea that I need to be around here for the boys. I will not go to any weddings or anything she is at I cannot be in the same room with her if this is to be the way it is

Aug 31, 2024 9:54:23 AM Me

if she’s going to get her divorce this way then she’s gonna live with me telling her to fuck off for the rest of her life and I will say it to her face

Aug 31, 2024 9:54:25 AM +13038752587

Reach out to your parents/Russ for help with insurance- how much s it

Aug 31, 2024 9:55:15 AM ⇲ Me

I can find that out. But please can we note for the record that I consistently say oh here’s another weird bullshit Rando thing I gotta deal with today and then we wonder why I don’t get anything done

Aug 31, 2024 9:55:15 AM ⇱ Me

I can find that out. But please can we note for the record that I consistently say oh here’s another weird bullshit Rando thing I gotta deal with today and then we wonder why I don’t get anything done
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Aug 31, 2024 9:55:17 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Not allowed 🚫 😍
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Aug 31, 2024 9:56:01 AM ⇱ +13038752587

So ask the question how does $500 come into my life with ease?
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Aug 31, 2024 9:56:07 AM Me

and I love my parents but I’d rather be dead than go to New York. And if I do go to New York I will be dead that I am sure of

Aug 31, 2024 9:56:37 AM Me

until I can get my shit together I can’t go back there. Far far too triggering

Aug 31, 2024 9:57:01 AM ⇱ Me

I just asked myself that very question and the answer is it doesn’t happen.
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Aug 31, 2024 9:57:55 AM Me

They’re really is not much I can do today to generate $500 I have a few hours to DoorDash that’ll get me 50 bucks but I’ve got six in my pocket I need to eat I’ve got 30 miles in my battery I need to charge

Aug 31, 2024 9:58:13 AM Me

so at the end of the day I’m under $20 again this is my life

Aug 31, 2024 9:58:30 AM +13038752587

I did not ask for a response - ask the question to the universe

Aug 31, 2024 9:59:01 AM ⇲ Me

I’ve asked the universe for a lot and it’s not been good I’m not sure anything or anyone is listening

Aug 31, 2024 9:58:32 AM Me

I barely make enough money to eat and charge my car and get to the next day

Aug 31, 2024 9:58:43 AM +13038752587

I did not ask what you can do

Aug 31, 2024 9:59:01 AM ⇱ Me

I’ve asked the universe for a lot and it’s not been good I’m not sure anything or anyone is listening
This message responded to an earlier message.

Aug 31, 2024 9:59:44 AM Me

I am fine asking I’ll ask until my face turns blue what I’m saying is the reality at least the one that we are in, that skill is not in my toolbox I wasn’t in line when they were handing that one out

Aug 31, 2024 9:59:53 AM +13038752587

Ask anyway

Aug 31, 2024 10:00:02 AM +13038752587

And then let it go

Aug 31, 2024 10:00:07 AM +13038752587

Do what you can

Aug 31, 2024 10:00:07 AM Me

K I will

Aug 31, 2024 10:00:19 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Off with the girls Bbl

Aug 31, 2024 10:00:25 AM Me

I’m not stressed and I’m not freaking out I’ve totally accepted this if today’s crashing burn day so be it

Aug 31, 2024 10:00:52 AM Me

I know the end is coming for me someday. And one day today will be it. How do I know that that’s not today?

Aug 31, 2024 10:02:15 AM Me

I talked to Laurie later today around 5 o’clock. However a one hour therapy session feels like I get five minutes out and it’s over with there’s just too much to cover too much to go into I need like a whole fucking solid week with a therapist.

Aug 31, 2024 10:03:17 AM +13038752587

Pick one core issue and stick to it

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Aug 31, 2024 10:03:35 AM Me

go take care of your kids

Aug 31, 2024 10:04:09 AM Me

| Work on keeping a good relationship with him otherwise you don’t know 15 to 20 years from now they could be calling you a bum 🤣🤣🤣
Edited 9 seconds later | Work on keeping a good relationship with them otherwise you don’t know 15 to 20 years from now they could be calling you a bum 🤣🤣🤣

Aug 31, 2024 10:04:44 AM Me

I can’t get that fucking word out of my head now

Aug 31, 2024 10:05:33 AM Me

how I would love a day to do just absolutely fucking nothing and not feel like I’m slacking by taking some time for myself

Aug 31, 2024 10:10:18 AM Me

sometimes I feel invisible like people won’t see me for real. I just had a first time experience where someone didn’t see me or the car they just stood in the middle of the road and acted like I wasn’t there pulling keys out of their pocket getting their phone and then picked up their head and kept on walking it was like I wasn’t even there

Aug 31, 2024 10:43:54 AM Me

so the question is still out there should I send what I pasted as a draft to send to Liz. I just have no idea. It’s like you said you gotta be ready for both answers. I just want to make sure I’m not fucking something up because I can’t see it

Aug 31, 2024 10:46:07 AM Me

also it doesn’t help that I’m door dashing and I’m driving right by her exit and I can see her house from the freeway I see it all the time in Ventura. I know it’s up when you’re on the beach you can see it. I’m I’m never closing the door on her but I’m giving up the idea that she’s somehow magically gonna come back to me now which that would just isn’t gonna happen unless my shit is together she’s yeah she’s too smart

Aug 31, 2024 10:46:44 AM Me

part of me thinks with intuition, rather her intuition is usually good. So it makes me worried that her senses were right and then I’m about to blow up or crash or whatever the fuck

Aug 31, 2024 12:15:08 PM Me

didn’t see it till just now, look at the top above my head. No dollars no sense. 10% left. And a help button on top of my phone at the bottom. Kind of sums it up nicely. it should be a GoFundMe for “Bert the Bum”

Aug 31, 2024 12:15:14 PM Me

Done with first dash 12$

Aug 31, 2024 12:47:37 PM Me

Second dash in 15mins Exhausted. So much to do. And nine bucks and a charged car that's what I got

Aug 31, 2024 12:55:36 PM Me

look at the primary message of the horoscope today. I just don’t know what the fuck I’m waiting for. do you see it because I don’t

Aug 31, 2024 1:29:51 PM Me

I realize I give you so much that I don't even get answers to have to shit. Just wanted to share that I'm less than 12 hours away from the insurance thing it's on my mind so like I say I never have a lot of runway perfect example I got 12 hours I got to figure out what I need from storage because that's gonna get locked and then I need to figure out where the fuck to park that's close to a bathroom? I don't know I haven't thought that far and I still have 2 1/2 hours in this dash so at 3:30 I have to haul ass to Ojai. I realize I may not have enough Charge to get me back down to Ventura and I'd rather not stay in Ojai because it's too hot. We'll see I gotta figure out a place I can park the car and not move it. And I don't know where the fuck that is right now

Aug 31, 2024 4:31:19 PM Me

this is 3 1/2 hours from noon to 330 just now. It’s the only I have today other than the morning one that I did. The rest of my day should be productive but I am going to basically be shitting my pants about car insurance

Aug 31, 2024 4:37:58 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Or drive without insurance if you have to. How much do you owe on insurance

Aug 31, 2024 5:00:13 PM Me

Done dashing. Had a slice of bread with PB+j on it. Some water. Hanging out with friends, in pic 😝 We’re all going to the beach in a bit after I do some file prep for Greg, my client. He dropped on me out of the sky a request for a hardcopy of all the data and research, and also also a file so I have a 16 GB USB three drive for the files include my file PDFs all my notes the whole fucking basket. I have the print out already but there’s some wonky pages because of Notion handling wide tables of data is fuck it up

Aug 31, 2024 5:00:26 PM Me

I remembered the pause and hit send otherwise I would’ve talked for another 10 minutes

Aug 31, 2024 5:01:54 PM Me

i’m wondering if somebody could add me in my car to their policy?. And what the likelihood somebody’s gonna want to fucking do that on a Saturday Labor Day weekend just to get to a person and be whatever the fuck you gotta do that’s I’m asking a lot of someone. I clearly don’t have the money to pay the fee I’m gonna look and see what it is right now I think I have it in an old email I will let you know shortly

Aug 31, 2024 5:02:44 PM Me

Aug 31, 2024 5:02:57 PM Me

I finally got my fucking domain name propagated today. It took three days to get it done

Aug 31, 2024 5:16:44 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

THIS JUST IN >>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> INSURANCE UPDATE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Aug 31, 2024 5:17:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Aug 31, 2024 5:17:51 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I just got an email saying the following: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Dear Joseph, Due to nonpayment of your automobile insurance premium, your policy was canceled at 12:01 a.m. Pacific Time on August 30, 2024. If we receive the minimum payment amount due of $297.57 immediately, there may be time to reinstate your policy with a lapse in coverage. A lapse means there is no coverage in effect under this policy between the cancellation and reinstatement dates. You can pay online by logging in to your account.

Aug 31, 2024 5:19:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So, $300, I have $38 at the moment for it, Need $20 for charge and food.

Aug 31, 2024 5:19:54 PM Me

LMK when you can

Aug 31, 2024 5:53:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just realized I need to get up to Ojai to get a few things from storage. I need to drive safe beacuse my insurance is in no mans land.

Aug 31, 2024 6:20:27 PM Me

I am currently in the car on my way to Ojai and then I think back in town here because I scheduled all my DoorDash down here thinking I was going to be at the beach. I really want to get out of here. Not that I was ever having fun but it’s even less so now

Aug 31, 2024 6:23:23 PM Me

i’m supposed to talk to that guy about the business development marketing thing next week. He actually reached out to me. I don’t know if I told you that or not and I don’t know why he reached out to me I’m gonna find out but anyway I told him my mom my way out there he knows he actually said if you’re here next week we could have coffee so kind of cool

Aug 31, 2024 6:25:49 PM Me

feel I’m really angry at the moment because I’m driving through Ventura and I’m actually paying attention to the people now and I see lots of happy couples holding hands and people having fun downtown Ventura is a fucking sardine can there’s people bands in the streets all kinds of shit going on. I can’t be a part of that shit though Sux

Aug 31, 2024 6:25:57 PM Me

feel like a fucking outsider to the world

Aug 31, 2024 6:26:56 PM Me

Anyhow on my way up to Ohio I’m almost to the 33 I’m just feeling kind of pissed off and unhappy just sucks to bust your ass and not get what you need

Aug 31, 2024 6:27:29 PM Me

K the 33 up to Ojai trying not to burn a lot of my battery this is my last chance to get into storage tomorrow they’ll put a lock on it because I haven’t paid

Aug 31, 2024 6:46:55 PM Me

I would like to know whether you think I should send that text to elizabeth

Aug 31, 2024 6:52:03 PM Me

By the way I haven’t read the text yet. But I texted my brother just a little tiny bit of my stuff and he sent me back something really huge that I’ve skimmed I think making pitch for me to go back to Waterford and New York He says things like “we all have our stuff, Jen had a tough upbringing and we all have our stuff. You know that’s fine and handy but my stuff is in my way I can’t live my life with my stuff in my way. My fear, and it is fucking valid my guts telling me no. My gut is saying do not go to New York to live. Find a visit but not living . There is just something about it’s not Waterford it’s the entire region the entire Albany Troy Rensaeler, capital District area it has a depressing quality that seeps into my bones it does not matter the season it’s just there

Aug 31, 2024 6:54:48 PM Me

OK I am at my storage unit it’s a few minutes before six I do not have a solution for my car insurance so. I guess I have to start spending my brain power now figuring out where I’m gonna park close to a bathroom or something. I mean I can drive without insurance but the DMV knows you are driving without it and I think it goes out to all the cops and all the cars and all the places so it’s typically a matter of time especially if you had a cop pull up behind you you had a red light they just sit there they like let’s run that license plate I’m sure they run every fucking license plate they pull up behind I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a camera on the front of the car looks at it and looks it up automatically and just fucking displays it on their screen without them even lifting a finger

Aug 31, 2024 7:10:55 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

I am just seeing your thread - busy with girls and Tree Don and Meme came today

Aug 31, 2024 7:11:11 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll read once it comes down here

Aug 31, 2024 7:28:47 PM Me

K

Aug 31, 2024 7:30:59 PM Me

I got some stuff out of storage so I have some things to wear while I’m locked out

Aug 31, 2024 8:36:28 PM Me

So I am 4 1/2 hours away from having to park. I think I can float around where Starbucks and Chuck E. Cheese is at least until I figure something out but I’m supposed to DoorDash tomorrow and like in good conscience I can’t go DoorDash without insurance because if something were to happen not because I’m stupid because some other person stupid and it’s me.

Aug 31, 2024 8:37:13 PM Me

Today was weird and hard because contending with Aidan calling me a bomb and then not having a conversation with any other person today. I have had a substantive conversation with somebody in a really really fucking time

Aug 31, 2024 9:00:04 PM Me

triggers are everywhere man the hotel two floors down three windows in in that room the last time I had what I would call moderately decent sex. That would’ve been 2018

Aug 31, 2024 9:59:09 PM Me

Done with the beach and on my way to the supermarket to get food to eat probably some slices of turkey and cheese that will be dinner it’ll probably cost me 10 bucks and then yeah I’ll just go park somewhere another exciting weekend evening for me did a lot of shadow work meditation today was good. We shall see how it integrates

Aug 31, 2024 10:07:02 PM Me

I’m grateful I hustled enough to buy some food and charge my car so that I can charge cash tomorrow and do it again. I didn’t get much done today other than get my website back online

Aug 31, 2024 11:53:40 PM Me

So feel all of what he says about depression

Aug 31, 2024 11:53:47 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 01, 2024 9:23:51 AM Me

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Sep 01, 2024 11:12:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hi, only things is no car insurance 😬

Sep 01, 2024 11:45:04 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Sep 01, 2024 11:45:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sep 01, 2024 12:02:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have 2 dashes today and don’t know if I should drive and take the risk to make maybe $20-$50. If I’m hit, it costs me much much more. Driving w/o insurance in CA is no bueno — to be caught. I dont want to end up in jail.

Sep 01, 2024 12:02:33 PM Me

thoughts?

Sep 01, 2024 12:03:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

East coast is offering to fly russ out, drive uhaul with all my shit and car to NY. I dont want to be that far away from my boys. Not yet at least. That idea above makes me cry. Its giving up. Its letting the demons win.

Sep 01, 2024 12:04:12 PM Me

I hope you can see that. LMK

Sep 01, 2024 12:04:22 PM Me

Dash is in one hour, 12PST

Sep 01, 2024 12:05:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I told russ of colorado plan and I want to stay close as I can to Pacific. He gets it, and I know you get it — its your kids, no matter how old they are.

Sep 01, 2024 12:05:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll see where my meeting with Hygenix goes this week. Who knows, I could have an offer at the end of next week…

Sep 01, 2024 12:06:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one morning, without anyone knowing, my life will be completely different from waking to sleeping.

Sep 01, 2024 12:06:44 PM Me

I want that to be positive direction.

Sep 01, 2024 12:07:21 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ve put my intentions out to the universe. OK queit now. Chatted my brother a long time this morning. Longer than past 3 months combined in one thread

Sep 01, 2024 12:07:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had to break shit down for him. He only sees from outside my snow globe.

Sep 01, 2024 12:08:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

great visual, a human, but instead of a skull on top, they have a snow globe showing emotional dysregulation like a snowstorm.

Sep 01, 2024 12:09:37 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

or rows of them (warhol) and each snowglobe skull has a different thing in it. bottom typeset... Neurodivergence.

Sep 01, 2024 12:09:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

i

Sep 01, 2024 12:09:57 PM Me

i’ll wait now.

Sep 01, 2024 12:48:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hello?

Sep 01, 2024 12:51:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll blow off 12-3:30. I have 5:30-7 in Ventura later so I can wait to hear from you. I dont want an accident. My gut says stay put. And if there’s something I’ve learned is to trust my own intuition (gut), and don’t doubt myself — I’m cutting myself off at the knees with that.

Sep 01, 2024 12:51:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m pushing on bertmahoney.com The update is going to be very good. MUCH more succinct on the homepage than now.

Sep 01, 2024 12:51:55 PM Me

Designing for the people on the other end.

Sep 01, 2024 1:09:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I started my noon dash. However I have platinum level now as you probably saw.’

Sep 01, 2024 1:09:14 PM Me

I have the dash on pause until I hear back your thoughts

Sep 01, 2024 1:09:23 PM Me

needing perspective

Sep 01, 2024 1:10:54 PM Me

car insurance and liz. trying to breathe and not lose my shit. I’m being challenged in a huge way.

Sep 01, 2024 1:26:17 PM Me

Dashing anytime with platinum helps

Sep 01, 2024 1:28:26 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Look what I found out

Sep 01, 2024 1:28:35 PM (Read by you after 9 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 01, 2024 1:29:25 PM Me

Mmm

Sep 01, 2024 1:31:07 PM Me

Hustled my ass off yesterday to get to 100 deliveries in a month. I woke up yesterday with 87 deliveries to get 13 in a day is not typical it’s on the high end of rare. And I have almost 600 deliveries so I know what I’m talking about

Sep 01, 2024 1:32:18 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

All day dashing?

Sep 01, 2024 1:33:15 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds like you have coverage - go forth and prosper

Sep 01, 2024 1:33:51 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

I can catch up on thread once I run a few errands

Sep 01, 2024 1:39:51 PM Me

Just emailed the boys

Sep 01, 2024 1:42:01 PM Me

Im frankly exhausted. Getting in a car and being a bobble head for hours on end and catching the sun glare off of chrome and windshield that pierces your retina. those are one option versus sitting and working on my shit that will get me to something beyond that routine. I literally have an afternoon of work for this overhaul and it’s ready for prime time. That means. That could be very helpful Next Week when I talked to Sam and hygienics

Sep 01, 2024 1:42:48 PM Me

The entire idea behind this overhaul is to make my homepage speak to my target audience. There are people I know who are coming to look for a very specific thing. I’m not gonna bullshit around they don’t have time, that’s what this new page will do

Sep 01, 2024 1:43:37 PM Me

It does it effectively efficiently and elegantly. The three Es

Sep 01, 2024 1:45:45 PM Me

Then I write a blog post about the website update posted to my blog and then post it to LinkedIn and maybe Substack, or medium. I think if I connected my blog to one of those larger platforms it would get more exposure maybe. I hate to say it but it falls in line with building a personal brand. In this thing you need if I don’t have that I won’t get attention. And in this day and age everything fights for attention, everything is attention marketing. You know this

Sep 01, 2024 2:00:44 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Balance website and dashing. - focus on dashing during peak earning times. Can you review your stats to see when your optimum earning windows are? Actual data

Sep 01, 2024 2:12:22 PM Me

Yes

Sep 01, 2024 2:12:36 PM Me

High level averages

Sep 01, 2024 2:17:07 PM Me

Send you links when i have them. New case study layout is VERY good. So much better where this is headed. Ill be able to balance it. Feeling very motivated at Hygenix prospect. Really comes down to the conversation. He mentioned coffee, so I imagine its likely not a stuffy clipboard interview (county job). If its a relaxed conversation, I may have a decent chance unless hes got someone else already in mind and is perhaps just performing due diligence before he pulls the trigger on an offer for someone else. I’m always thinking hypotheticals, especially -negative ones ha ha ha ha ha ha

Sep 01, 2024 2:18:41 PM Me

It’s a byproduct of my childhood brainwashing and anxiety regimen. Thinking about hypotheticals in the future with my father was a survival technique it made me think about if X happens or Y happens then I need to take Z action

Sep 01, 2024 2:19:09 PM Me

I lived the “be prepared“ boy Scout motto my entire fucking life

Sep 01, 2024 2:19:41 PM Me

This experience is very mature about not being prepared. I was not prepared for divorce I was not prepared for unemployment this loan I don’t do well with unprepared things.

Sep 01, 2024 2:20:33 PM Me

I can get my MacGyver on, just like I know you can make magic happen with the shit at hand. However having to pull a MacGyver every day for over a year is tiring

Sep 01, 2024 2:21:45 PM Me

The analog to this is the guy that tried to do a triathlon every fucking day for one month. So do a triathlon in roughly 12 hours and the other 12 you’re sleeping and traveling to the next location. A guy actually did that. I don’t know if you know about that but it’s real. That’s that’s what I would equate this with

Sep 01, 2024 4:35:51 PM Me

Have things moving well Feeling anxious

Sep 01, 2024 5:30:15 PM Me

Hey there. I suddenly developed an acute sharp pain everytime I swallow. Drinking water doesnt make it go away.

Sep 01, 2024 5:31:17 PM Me

Dont know if its the anxiety but it hurts

Sep 01, 2024 5:32:50 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Could be ? Don’t stress about it - do a healing meditation

Sep 01, 2024 5:33:13 PM Me

Having a crying pabic attack in bathroom

Sep 01, 2024 6:18:06 PM Me

I’m DoorDash Ing and some fuckhead nearly crashed into me just now. Should I really be out here fucking risking this

Sep 01, 2024 6:18:16 PM Me

To deliver a fucking pizza

Sep 01, 2024 6:18:57 PM Me

I had to slam on my brakes and all my shit in the back of the car flew forward all over the place that kind of almost fucked me up

Sep 01, 2024 6:21:00 PM Me

I’m currently having a panic attack trying to deliver this pizza I’m doing my deep breathing I’m calm but I can feel the panic underneath the surface. Trying not to hyperventilate trying to breathe deeply trying to do my stuff skills whatever

Sep 01, 2024 6:32:15 PM Me

Pietz dropped off lingering anxiety and now depression is here

Sep 01, 2024 6:38:45 PM Me

If I call you I’ve been in an accident and likely will be put in jail Ventura. So be ready

Sep 01, 2024 6:41:27 PM Me

In these moments I wish I wouldn’t cry and have a little more fucking nuts

Sep 01, 2024 6:42:08 PM Me

And for the record I haven’t had it a substantial conversation with another human being in a little while now other than hate yelling at me

Sep 01, 2024 6:46:14 PM +13038752587

Take a moment. Pull over by a park. Go stand in the grass barefoot for 5mins

Sep 01, 2024 6:49:08 PM Me

Today is really hard day

Sep 01, 2024 6:49:58 PM Me

And if I’m lucky enough to have a police car or sheriff pull up behind me at a red light I may as well start shitting my pants right there

Sep 01, 2024 6:53:50 PM +13038752587

No - we went over it / you have insurance coverage

Sep 01, 2024 6:54:30 PM +13038752587

Switch the storylines to positive ones if you are going to create them

Sep 01, 2024 6:59:51 PM Me

Should I ask Elizabeth if she has spoken to Aidan? In particular about the bum thing because he’s obviously getting his information from her it’s not me. Any thoughts on that because I’m not OK with her telling him shit and not the full picture give him the whole thing or give him nothing

Sep 01, 2024 7:08:55 PM ⇲ +13038752587

You have no control over their conversations. All you can do is speak your truth when he is ready to hear it.

Sep 01, 2024 7:56:14 PM ⇲ Me

Yes but the idea of me “taking half of her money is an idea that had to be planted

Sep 01, 2024 8:35:19 PM ⇲ +13038752587

| Sure - she may have said something about that - but it’s not her money legally- if you stayed together you both would have spent it together Stories created to justify one’s viewpoint - the facts separate stories from fiction
Edited 16 seconds later | Sure - she may have said something about that - but it’s not her money legally- if you stayed together you both would have spent it together Stories created to justify one’s viewpoint - the facts separate stories from reality

Sep 01, 2024 8:36:07 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Let go of what you can’t control

Sep 01, 2024 7:00:26 PM Me

I mean I already had my issues with him prior to this he is basically tuned me completely out of his life now probably forever

Sep 01, 2024 7:09:34 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Not forever. The anger will pass.

Sep 01, 2024 7:08:55 PM ⇱ +13038752587

You have no control over their conversations. All you can do is speak your truth when he is ready to hear it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 01, 2024 7:09:34 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Not forever. The anger will pass.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 01, 2024 7:17:16 PM Me

Doing alcohol delivery DoorDash and once I’m done with this I’ll be close to 30 miles on the car so I’ve done three trips made maybe 20 bucks or something and yeah I don’t wanna push it I don’t feel great I can charge the car and then go watch the sunset and then go to sleep maybe I don’t know. I’m totally distracted by a lot of things

Sep 01, 2024 7:17:50 PM Me

Jenica is one of those things that keeps coming up in my mind despite efforts to put it out of my mind

Sep 01, 2024 7:56:14 PM ⇱ Me

Yes but the idea of me “taking half of her money is an idea that had to be planted
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 01, 2024 7:58:07 PM Me

I just got a little bit of charge I’m slightly over half a battery I picked up some water a thing of drinkable yogurt maybe feel good on my throat and what else that really good mouthwash there’s a brand that’s really fucking good doctor Braun not Dr. Bronner that’s the soap

Sep 01, 2024 8:14:14 PM Me

Contemplating what im doing wrong

Sep 01, 2024 8:35:19 PM ⇱ +13038752587

| Sure - she may have said something about that - but it’s not her money legally- if you stayed together you both would have spent it together Stories created to justify one’s viewpoint - the facts separate stories from fiction
Edited 16 seconds later | Sure - she may have said something about that - but it’s not her money legally- if you stayed together you both would have spent it together Stories created to justify one’s viewpoint - the facts separate stories from reality

This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 01, 2024 8:36:07 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Let go of what you can’t control
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 01, 2024 8:37:48 PM +13038752587

Contemplate what your doing right instead

Sep 01, 2024 9:23:22 PM Me

Routine

Sep 01, 2024 9:25:04 PM Me

Despite all the bullshit somehow I’m still here.

Sep 01, 2024 9:26:24 PM Me

Other than my connection to you and support via text I have done this up to now largely by myself.

Sep 01, 2024 9:27:00 PM Me

I did get some support for Jenica for it period of time too

Sep 01, 2024 9:29:52 PM Me

I can’t wait for the day I can send her a big bouquet and a bunch of gift cards as a thank-you for everything she did for me during that period It was so short, but it was easily one of the best times in my life. That’s why it’s so tough to lose her, to lose her the way I did Sort of through no fault of my own, and that hurts

Sep 01, 2024 9:31:09 PM +13038752587

Bedtime for the girls

Sep 01, 2024 9:31:24 PM ⇲ Me

Ok

Sep 01, 2024 9:31:13 PM Me

who knows? Maybe she'll be single again. She’s looking for a specific type of man

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Sep 01, 2024 9:31:24 PM ⇱ Me

Ok
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 01, 2024 9:32:12 PM Me

Probably me too. At my car at surfers point at the moment. But now heading over by where I sleep a few miles away by the Starbucks and the Chuck E. Cheese.

Sep 01, 2024 9:32:31 PM Me

Today was really tough day but I did get a lot done so I’m happy with that

Sep 01, 2024 9:32:57 PM Me

I’m grateful I have food I’m grateful I have a charge in my car I’m grateful I still have eight bucks and grateful for DoorDash to be able to make the money to make that happen

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Sep 01, 2024 9:34:29 PM Me

However I find myself still incredibly lonely, certainly a very lonely heart I also find myself bored. I don’t know where that stems from my guess is the routine for me is this exactly the same every day., Every day. I get up, I go get coffee I get on the computer I DoorDash, back on the computer, DoorDash, go buy food, go find a place to park, go to sleep, get up and repeat it for over 300 days

Sep 01, 2024 9:35:40 PM Me

I don’t have money to have a social life really. I don’t have money to join the dart league and I’ve been invited by the league president and the number two player in the league to be on either one of their teams. Sadly I don’t have the money and I’ll likely be out of town. Again who knows. Like I said one day I’m going to wake up and when I go to sleep my life will probably be very different

Sep 01, 2024 9:36:25 PM Me

If you don’t fall asleep putting the girls to bed be sure to check your phone because I may send you something to look at online

Sep 01, 2024 10:25:59 PM Me

34°15'14.9"N 119°13'48.3"W

Sep 01, 2024 10:26:00 PM Me

Where I'm Parked

Sep 01, 2024 11:15:17 PM Me

I know somebody who needs to see this.

Sep 01, 2024 11:15:24 PM Me

Instagram

Sep 01, 2024 11:20:00 PM Me

Instagram

Sep 01, 2024 11:22:13 PM Me

This

Sep 01, 2024 11:22:15 PM Me

Instagram

Sep 02, 2024 10:37:25 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Listen to that over and over

Sep 02, 2024 10:37:36 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 34 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The other two were good too

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Sep 01, 2024 11:22:34 PM Me

U will like that

Sep 02, 2024 1:46:30 AM Me

It’s past midnight actually quarter to one. I am up thinking about Jenica. I miss her so intensely. I want to feel her love again. Something is telling me not to give up on her. It’s a why she keeps coming into my head when I don’t want her to.

Sep 02, 2024 1:47:47 AM Me

I lay here alone squished in the back of my car thinking back to when I got the spoon with her in bed. Easily one of my favorite places on earth

Sep 02, 2024 9:31:37 AM Me

U ok

Sep 02, 2024 9:49:37 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Just getting everyone in motion

Sep 02, 2024 10:10:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I would like to get my ass to Carbondale. However, I know not what is happening in the Rockies. Last I recall you said, “let me talk to everyone.” And that’s where I left it because I had to drive myself crazy with some story or bullshit.

Sep 02, 2024 9:56:52 AM Me

Sep 02, 2024 9:56:52 AM Me

9am

Sep 02, 2024 9:59:59 AM Me

I should have a new streamlined homepage up and running today All responsive framing yesterday. Content, graphics, and responsive content, as well My intuition says this is worth the investment and is a very smart move.

Sep 02, 2024 10:01:09 AM Me

I keep reading critiques from recruiters and hiring managers talking about all the crap, shit, real garbage they see portfolios. And I know if you’re being or going for a high-level position there’s likely a nerd on the staff it’s gonna look at your source code that’s who this website is aimed for that guy 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 02, 2024 10:01:53 AM Me

Not really, it’s Moore about targeting the page to specific people rather than speaking to everyone. And to be insanely respectful of their time

Sep 02, 2024 10:10:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I would like to get my ass to Carbondale. However, I know not what is happening in the Rockies. Last I recall you said, “let me talk to everyone.” And that’s where I left it because I had to drive myself crazy with some story or bullshit.
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Sep 02, 2024 10:11:29 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I can work with AI to come up with a plan/outline for me. Then I can tweak and share. But not until I hear from you.

Sep 02, 2024 10:29:31 AM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

When do you talk to hygwnix

Sep 02, 2024 11:09:40 AM ⇲ Me

waiting to hear back from Sam. He may be on holiday

Sep 02, 2024 11:10:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

talk to Ben Tregoing Wed am to see if I am a fit for a program he and colleagues have developed. And simply network.

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Sep 02, 2024 11:10:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

https://www.linkedin.com/in/bentregoing/

Sep 02, 2024 10:37:25 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Listen to that over and over
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Sep 02, 2024 10:37:36 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 34 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The other two were good too

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Sep 02, 2024 11:09:40 AM ⇱ Me

waiting to hear back from Sam. He may be on holiday
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 02, 2024 11:10:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

talk to Ben Tregoing Wed am to see if I am a fit for a program he and colleagues have developed. And simply network.

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Sep 02, 2024 11:10:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

https://www.linkedin.com/in/bentregoing/
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Sep 02, 2024 11:46:58 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

“When you feel cold, fire can warm you. But, if you get too close to fire, it will burn your body. In the same way, when you are attached to something or someone, it can make you happy, but when you get too close it can burn your mind.”

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Sep 02, 2024 1:39:25 PM Me

Just finished loading a brand new 16 GB sand disk thumb drive with two fig my files and a PDF file. One is the prototype one is the wire frame and the other is a PDF of the documentation. I’m excited to hand this off.

Sep 02, 2024 1:41:26 PM Me

Just spent two hours straight on that taking a break for my brain having something to eat and then I’m gonna get back at it for a couple more hours Then instead of a nighttime walk at the beach I’m gonna do midday, and then head up to Ojai. Meditate at the ocean in the middle of the day with the sun I think will be better My friend Sherry who I think you remember is letting me use her shower. I could use a shower shave on my rough looking ass

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Sep 02, 2024 1:41:56 PM Me

And Sherry has Wi-Fi and is going to be out of town so I might hang out at her house for a bit and use the Wi-Fi this afternoon. We’ll see how I feel, I’m feeling just fucking drained

Sep 02, 2024 1:42:43 PM Me

I know you’ve had this feeling. You’ve been pushing yourself really hard, you’re really tired, and you know you’ve got to push more and you feel like you’re on the precipice of getting sick, not like a cold, like I’m gonna knock you on your ass sick

Sep 02, 2024 1:43:12 PM Me

That’s how my body feels exhausted as hell and my my brain is 🍞

Sep 02, 2024 4:49:54 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Can you stay at Sherry’s for a night or two while she is out of town?

Sep 02, 2024 3:25:48 PM Me

Hey there I’m down by the beach I’m about to do my meditation for shadow work which I think it’s working I had a very powerful yesterday. My kindergarten self facing my great grandfather told me I was to be seen and not heard and instantly turned me into a mouse 🐀

Sep 02, 2024 3:26:28 PM Me

It’s part of the foundation of I’m not good enough which is woven in with my father’s shit but I am largely processed my father’s shit it’s shit like this that it’s connected to still out there. Once I integrate this shit I feel like a whole person

Sep 02, 2024 3:28:57 PM ⇲ Me

But you give me a straight up answer on this shit

Sep 02, 2024 3:32:01 PM ⇲ Me

One thing I’ve noticed and it’s very clear to me is I have become far more discerning, and far more decisive. Meaning that sort of innocent gullible isn’t there

Sep 02, 2024 3:32:58 PM ⇲ Me

I’m going with my gut now. I’m not second-guessing myself, or doubting myself anymore It’s actually probably gotten me into more trouble than kept me from trouble. Except I’m too close to the fire to know

Sep 02, 2024 4:52:19 PM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

The caution is to know whether you are rebelling against the old identity or following your true identity

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Sep 02, 2024 3:26:43 PM Me

Am I off base there? Or am I reading too much into the woo woo

Sep 02, 2024 3:28:43 PM Me

Also on my drive from here in Ventura back up to Ojai I’m going to a take the back road, and give Derick a call. It’s been over a week since Liz has had the papers and my suspect if they haven’t talked Liz has talked to Molly or at least informed Derick and Molly About the paperwork. It comes to mind that the last time I talked to Derick he brought up the topic of reconciling. Never ever ever in any of our discussions had ever brought that up. Makes me think he talk to Liz and there some kind of second-guessing shit going on? I have no idea but the conversation will be illuminating. I’ll let you know

Sep 02, 2024 4:52:56 PM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ask

Sep 02, 2024 5:53:17 PM ⇲ Me

Spoke to Derick and he knew Liz had divorce papers because she told Molly. We talked for an hour and had a great chat and I filled him in on what I’ve been doing regarding working on myself. Mentioned jung and shadow work. He knew of it

Sep 02, 2024 3:28:57 PM ⇱ Me

But you give me a straight up answer on this shit
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 02, 2024 3:32:01 PM ⇱ Me

One thing I’ve noticed and it’s very clear to me is I have become far more discerning, and far more decisive. Meaning that sort of innocent gullible isn’t there
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 02, 2024 3:32:58 PM ⇱ Me

I’m going with my gut now. I’m not second-guessing myself, or doubting myself anymore It’s actually probably gotten me into more trouble than kept me from trouble. Except I’m too close to the fire to know
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 02, 2024 4:48:52 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 02, 2024 4:49:54 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Can you stay at Sherry’s for a night or two while she is out of town?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 02, 2024 4:52:19 PM (Read by you after 59 minutes, 22 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

The caution is to know whether you are rebelling against the old identity or following your true identity

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Sep 02, 2024 4:52:56 PM (Read by you after 58 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ask
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Sep 02, 2024 5:53:17 PM ⇱ Me

Spoke to Derick and he knew Liz had divorce papers because she told Molly. We talked for an hour and had a great chat and I filled him in on what I’ve been doing regarding working on myself. Mentioned jung and shadow work. He knew of it
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Sep 02, 2024 5:54:51 PM Me

At sherry. Getting cleaned up and likely back to Ventura after charging up here

Sep 02, 2024 5:55:08 PM Me

Dashing is better down there

Sep 02, 2024 6:05:22 PM Me

I’m really feeling the effects of my shadow meditation was not light I’ll put it that way I was visualizing sitting across from my shadow and understanding what’s there still that needs to be integrated

Sep 02, 2024 6:06:05 PM Me

I hear a lot online how people struggle with shadow integration I’m doing it right because I am following the directions and I can feel it, but I don’t feel any struggle. It feels effortless as if it’s time

Sep 02, 2024 6:06:46 PM Me

It feels as if once I focus on the shadow and I can see that part of my personality that I repressed good and bad, I just open my heart and visualize in integration and then I literally feel it in my body

Sep 02, 2024 7:09:59 PM Me

How r u??

Sep 02, 2024 7:10:05 PM Me

U doing ok??

Sep 02, 2024 7:11:35 PM Me

Done at sherrys. I’m going to charge my car here in Ojai probably 80% and then head to Ventura for the night. More options for sleeping and the DoorDash is more profitable because they’re simply more of it

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Sep 02, 2024 7:11:59 PM Me

I’ll try to create an outline for a plan to get my ass to Colorado

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Sep 02, 2024 7:17:10 PM Me

Sep 02, 2024 8:20:31 PM +13038752587

Long good day here - family leave tomorrow- start new better hours at hotel 2-10ish

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Sep 02, 2024 8:20:42 PM +13038752587

Girls bedtime

Sep 02, 2024 9:42:15 PM Me

Are you going to be back among the people online after the girls are asleep?

Sep 02, 2024 9:53:04 PM ⇲ +13038752587

No going to sleep

Sep 02, 2024 9:48:05 PM Me

Heads up. Today is start of the new moon set intentions for this month today tell the universe you want shit to happen by the end of this month whatever it is you’re trying to manifest. But now is the time to do it tonight. I did mine at the beach And I feel like it’s a secret and I shouldn’t tell you or it won’t come true. I’m not trying to manifest ginormous abundance trying to be realistic. And I’ve come to accept the fact that no matter how I try Jenica is going to keep showing up in my head

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Sep 02, 2024 9:51:36 PM Me

So that being the case I accept it and I remember the good times we had and I think forward to good times we will have and I manifesting that future with her right now. We met at the moment we did because it was the universe timing, Not hers and not mine. Neither one of us went out on the date that night thinking we were going to meet someone that lit us up like we’ve never felt before. You’re lucky if you meet one person like this in your life. There is no way I’m going to live the rest of my life without trying to get back with her. I know I have to wait and see what plays out with Elizabeth and the divorce. However no matter what I want to have a real relationship again with Jenica where I am on solid footing. As great as it was to be together, if I had resources during the period of time I could’ve given her the things she wanted.

Sep 02, 2024 9:53:04 PM ⇱ +13038752587

No going to sleep
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Sep 02, 2024 9:55:15 PM Me

Looking back right now on that period of time though December January February and in March. I was still not in a good headspace, I still had to work on my shit and she knew it and told me “go work on your shit“ I remember it vividly And I think her meaning was layered meaning go resolve your shit meaning divorce and putting all of that behind me, and getting myself on my own to feet, and healing myself, doing things like my meditation and long walks, my shadow work course, which has been amazing . I feel a difference, and I think I’m going to go through and do the whole course again so I can get deeper and I think maybe a second pass through now that I know what is coming will allow me that opportunity. When I come out the other side of that, 10 days time two weeks, I may, just may have fully integrated all the repressed parts of myself into me as I am today.

Sep 02, 2024 9:58:26 PM Me

I will leave you with this. In two weeks I will be a version of Bert no one has seen not even me. I’m integrating traits and qualities of these repressed parts of my personality, and feeling lighter, more certain, self-assured, self-confident, stable in my being This shadow work maybe one of the most powerful things I’ve done. And I’m not sure I could’ve done it until now. I now have the ability to sit in silence and stillness for any duration of time that I like. And because of that foundation it allows me to take it another level so that I can really work these parts of my personality forward.

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Sep 02, 2024 10:00:09 PM Me

I completely understand when people say shadow work is really hard. There are a lot of people who for whatever reason are incredibly challenged when trying to integrate their shadow. Perhaps they’ve not sat in the depths of their soul contemplating their existence in this reality. And whether to check out.

Sep 02, 2024 10:02:14 PM Me

I feel strongly that all the bullshit, as I will call it the suffering the wailing the moaning the begrudging the whoa is me. That bullshit. Going through all of that experience cleared all the weeds and cobwebs out of the way so when it came time for the shadow work I had nothing stopping me from getting right to the heart of the matter. Whereas other people who may try shadow Work that haven’t had significant life changing events to cause them to contemplate their existence. They just haven’t put in as much work simply in self reflection

Sep 03, 2024 9:33:44 AM Me

Hey

Sep 03, 2024 9:51:49 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 24 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

GM - I’m a project for a few hours Glad to hear the shadow work is going well 😀

Sep 03, 2024 11:16:36 AM Me

K

Sep 03, 2024 11:17:04 AM Me

Dealing with anxiety

Sep 03, 2024 11:46:17 AM Me

https://insig.ht/eLQJm990AMb

Sep 03, 2024 11:46:17 AM Me

Just finished day 10 Wow. Feels different but need some time. Going to do the course again, but thought u might find it helpful if you find yourself dealing with anger triggers etc

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Sep 03, 2024 12:07:45 PM Me

Who in the fuck is relying on my expansive mind for inspiration? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sep 03, 2024 1:28:38 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 31 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

They have yet to show up. The lessons you are learning have value beyond you

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Sep 03, 2024 3:09:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

At work through 10pm

Sep 03, 2024 3:10:00 PM Me

I think I told you I had an hour long conversation with Derick yesterday. I was surprised by how little Derick seem to know about the work that I’ve done or have been doing. Which makes me think Liz has no clue that I am an entirely different person Than the crazy person that I was back there. She’s operating like I’m still that guy It’s sad she’s going to divorce me because she can’t let go of an idea

Sep 03, 2024 3:15:19 PM Me

I wish someone would tell her

Sep 03, 2024 3:15:45 PM Me

The thing is I just don’t know if she’s heard me that healing this is an option if she wants it. But it’s not gonna be easy work for her

Sep 03, 2024 3:16:00 PM Me

It won’t be easy work for me but I’ve done so much fucking work in this past year and a half I’m like an Olympic acne right now

Sep 03, 2024 3:16:07 PM Me

A big zip

Sep 03, 2024 3:16:14 PM Me

Zit

Sep 03, 2024 3:36:08 PM Me

It’s 100° in Ojai, now you know why I stay in Ventura it’s hot as fuck up here

Sep 03, 2024 3:43:23 PM Me

Dropped off my clients thumb drive with all his files on it. Nice to have that done and had to drive up here to Ojai to deliver it. I’m gonna stop in Starbucks at Ojai and use the Wi-Fi for a bit fortunately I don’t have to recharge to get my butt back to Ventura. I’m gonna head back there perhaps – some of dinner but I want to go maybe go shoot darts at Poseidon later. I can go shoot darts without having to buy beer

Sep 03, 2024 8:37:15 PM Me

I just shut down the Ojai Starbucks. I’ve been just working on my website all fucking day because it fucking needs it dude I just see all this shit that I realize it’s probably costing me some interviews honestly so I’m headed to Ventura Poseidon brewery specifically to shoot some darts for an hour. And then call it a night and go to sleep somewhere in Ventura and then tomorrow morning I’ll DoorDash stay in Ventura on the computer actually I have a meeting tomorrow morning with the guy in the UK. I have to follow up with Sam I didn’t hear from him today OK that

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Sep 03, 2024 10:24:29 PM Me

Tonight at Poseidon

Sep 03, 2024 10:24:29 PM Me

3 red bits

Sep 03, 2024 10:24:39 PM Me

With witnesses

Sep 04, 2024 7:38:44 AM Me

Sep 04, 2024 8:15:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hey GM

Sep 04, 2024 8:15:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you going to the meeting today?

Sep 04, 2024 8:43:48 AM Me

Hello??

Sep 04, 2024 8:44:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Got this email from Liz today. Feels so impersonal, and stiff. Like she didn’t write it. Someone else did, AI, or a copy/paste job. Doesn’t sound like her. -- I received the divorce papers. I want you to know that I’m committed to handling this process as amicably and respectfully as possible. Divorce is difficult for both of us, and my goal is to reach a fair agreement that considers both our needs and circumstances. I believe we can work together, either directly or through mediation, to come to an arrangement that feels fair and reasonable for both of us. Liz

Sep 04, 2024 8:45:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“both our needs and circumstances” Uh… mcfly?

Sep 04, 2024 8:46:01 AM Me

Mine are pretty fucking dire and I needed help last year

Sep 04, 2024 8:47:06 AM Me

Anyhow. Slightly triggering email. I wish I could communicate to the real Liz. She’s hiding behind a veil of fiction.

Sep 04, 2024 8:47:27 AM Me

I want to reply. Its going to be measured, emotionless, and cold.

Sep 04, 2024 8:47:42 AM Me

Devoid of humanity or concern _ can you help me with that?

Sep 04, 2024 8:48:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I still dont know why shes divorcing me. Its not entirely clear. its not that one night. Apparently she has a warehouse of shit I dont know about.

Sep 04, 2024 8:49:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m so angry about the vows

Sep 04, 2024 8:49:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thats what pisses me off to the top[

Sep 04, 2024 8:49:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

she prides herself on her “integrity” She has ZERO fucking integrity. No one can disagree with that statement

Sep 04, 2024 8:49:46 AM Me

Not even her

Sep 04, 2024 8:56:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I mean I do refer to her as my Ex Wife and have for months now

Sep 04, 2024 8:56:55 AM Me

just sux

Sep 04, 2024 8:57:06 AM Me

shes awesome, but lost in her story

Sep 04, 2024 9:33:19 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll catch up 🆙 n thread later Are you meeting with the guys this morning?

Sep 04, 2024 9:35:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Sep 04, 2024 9:35:57 AM Me

just off call in UK

Sep 04, 2024 9:36:03 AM Me

jumping over

Sep 04, 2024 10:33:00 AM Me

done with mtgs Any thoughts on Liz’s emotionless email text?

Sep 04, 2024 10:33:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

? r u done with graveyard shift for now?

Sep 04, 2024 10:33:58 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Yes

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Sep 04, 2024 10:33:33 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 59 seconds) +13038752587

She is keeping it short and civil

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Sep 04, 2024 10:33:49 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Seems to be her MO

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Sep 04, 2024 10:33:58 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Yes

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 04, 2024 10:34:25 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Can you jump on a call at 10 your time?

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Sep 04, 2024 10:35:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

in 25mins?

Sep 04, 2024 10:35:50 AM Me

4 what?

Sep 04, 2024 10:35:52 AM Me

fun?

Sep 04, 2024 10:35:58 AM Me

or a client call?

Sep 04, 2024 10:57:18 AM Me

3 mins Im here

Sep 04, 2024 11:00:19 AM Me

Yo, here

Sep 04, 2024 11:00:27 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Br there

Sep 04, 2024 1:18:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

feeling super anxious all of a sudden. its about money for sure

Sep 04, 2024 1:19:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feel like I’m bad not doing the right thing being stupid Not sure to trust that voice, or its the critic. its ahrd to tell

Sep 04, 2024 1:22:55 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

It is an interesting feeling

Sep 04, 2024 1:23:05 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

What are you currently doing?

Sep 04, 2024 1:31:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

working on my website. cranking out case studies.

Sep 04, 2024 1:32:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had to rebuild everything the other day. Something got fucked up. Lost 2 days of work. But I’m on the precipice of publishing a far more streamlined homepage.

Sep 04, 2024 1:33:08 PM +13038752587

Are you dashing today too?

Sep 04, 2024 1:40:02 PM Me

yeah, but dont want to. the thought of it makes me cry

Sep 04, 2024 1:41:05 PM Me

think the crying is a release related to something i’m unconcsious of

Sep 04, 2024 1:44:55 PM Me

in the back of my mind is replying to Elizabeths email. I have to. Otherwise it will eat at me. If I draft something later could you look at it? Didnt realize her email was going to hit like this. Took a while but I KNOW thats whats going on. Other than money stress.

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Sep 04, 2024 2:52:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

when you have a moment you can have a sneak peek at the new homepage. The text in the top will be put down to 5 centences that cycle. Everything is responsive—I got all the weird crap out. Try laptop and phone, tablet if you have it and rotate too. LMK https://bertmahoney.com/september2024 Going to take a break right now. Already meditated today, was good. Take a short walk by the ocean and then maybe draft my reply to liz

Sep 04, 2024 2:52:07 PM Me

lmk on the website

Sep 04, 2024 2:52:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney — I design reasoned solutions to complex ideas

Sep 04, 2024 2:59:24 PM Me

I wanna update this little thing so it actually shows a graphic

Sep 04, 2024 3:02:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

followed up wtih Sam

Sep 04, 2024 3:04:27 PM Me

Imagine you’re on your way to work.

Sep 04, 2024 3:41:38 PM Me

I’ve been listening to one of the musical artists on Insight Timer and she plays the cello and on my walk I’ve been sitting here crying for 10 minutes crying to the point of heaving and losing my breath. I had a vision that my chest opening up like they would do an old school open heart surgery And her mother, but the ideas opening my yes fucking heart wide-open.

Sep 04, 2024 3:43:08 PM Me

Anyhow, headed back to the car and back to Starbucks for Wi-Fi for a bit until dinner time it’s full DoorDash for a couple of hours I’m feeling highly sensitive right now and just exhausted. I never honor

Sep 04, 2024 4:57:42 PM Me

Nice forgot to lock bathroom door abd someone walkked in

Sep 04, 2024 5:00:01 PM Me

And my website went down

Sep 04, 2024 5:01:50 PM Me

Think i fucked up the master CSS and JavaScript

Sep 04, 2024 5:06:37 PM Me

Im stressing Lost platinum status. Thought i had it all month but no

Sep 04, 2024 5:07:14 PM Me

I have $8 47 miles 3 dashes tomorrow and 🙏 for money.

Sep 04, 2024 5:08:19 PM Me

Btw i have no insurance, behind on storage unit payment, and phone.

Sep 04, 2024 5:08:45 PM Me

And another car payment of $400 plus in 10 days.

Sep 04, 2024 5:08:53 PM Me

| This isnt goos
Edited 8 seconds later | This isnt good

Sep 04, 2024 5:08:56 PM Me

Good

Sep 04, 2024 5:23:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

having a hard time trying to fix my broken website.

Sep 04, 2024 5:24:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my eyes are full of tears it seems no matter where I apply myself, something is there

Sep 04, 2024 5:24:46 PM Me

seeing if I can restore a backup from an hours ago or somthing

Sep 04, 2024 6:10:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

dude. still here fixing my site. the css and javascript are fucked

Sep 04, 2024 6:11:41 PM Me

overwhelmed at moment

Sep 04, 2024 6:24:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

feeling isolated and extremely alone. my situation amplifies lonliness by an EXPONENTIAL factor

Sep 04, 2024 6:24:43 PM Me

you dont know it until you experience it

Sep 04, 2024 7:15:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its back online.

Sep 04, 2024 7:15:30 PM Me

only took two hours of meticulous manicuring code inside the database.

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Sep 04, 2024 7:15:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Need to get some chips or something. Only have $8

Sep 04, 2024 7:22:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Package Handler (Warehouse like) in Glenwood Springs Colorado | FedEx Careers

Sep 04, 2024 7:27:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FedEx seems to be hiring in Oxnard $22-33 an hour 7:30 am - 2pm daily

Sep 04, 2024 7:27:54 PM Me

would be perfect for me

Sep 04, 2024 7:28:02 PM Me

afternoon to get some of my shit done

Sep 04, 2024 7:28:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

application is already going in for Oxnard. I could apply to Glenwood Spring too and see what happens

Sep 04, 2024 7:44:58 PM Me

Hello Depression my old friend… Here we meet again

Sep 04, 2024 7:46:53 PM Me

It is getting tiring as fucking hell. I hope to God I’m not going into a big dip

Sep 04, 2024 8:05:52 PM Me

Dinner. Bubble water, larabar, chips and sour cream

Sep 04, 2024 8:10:19 PM Me

Grateful for it 😃

Sep 05, 2024 8:12:07 AM Me

GM

Sep 05, 2024 8:12:33 AM Me

Dont have money and today is only door dash for 4 days

Sep 05, 2024 8:13:32 AM Me

I thought I was on platinum status so I could dash at any time for the month. However you need to keep it above 100 constantly so I have to keep going every single fucking day.

Sep 05, 2024 8:39:38 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Bounce it back up

Sep 05, 2024 8:14:32 AM Me

I have one dollar and 40 miles on my battery. I’m praying I can get enough to charge my car but I basically can’t move for four days. Because because I can’t drive and drain my battery if I have no money

Sep 05, 2024 8:15:02 AM Me

Maybe this is the end for me

Sep 05, 2024 8:15:54 AM Me

No car insurance. Im kinda fucked

Sep 05, 2024 8:40:17 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Did you find out your grace period?

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Sep 05, 2024 8:17:50 AM Me

Makes me want to sleep and not wake up. This existence isnt worth continuing simply because Im fucking tired of it after all this time. Im just tired of living and life. I feel very done here.

Sep 05, 2024 8:18:50 AM Me

To look forward is to only see more. For thats whats been on tap 18mos. and not stopping anytime soon.

Sep 05, 2024 8:21:13 AM Me

Soon Ill lose the car and phone. Then communicating with anyone. Simply a matter of time

Sep 05, 2024 8:22:44 AM Me

It’s not like I’m sitting on my hands. I’m trying to do the best I can

Sep 05, 2024 8:23:05 AM Me

I just can’t catch a fucking break

Sep 05, 2024 8:23:20 AM Me

K have a good day

Sep 05, 2024 8:25:14 AM Me

Not sure what Ill do here. Probably just sit in parking lots for a few days. Talk about please put pencils in my eyes Anyhow… Im not your problem C ya

Sep 05, 2024 8:29:00 AM Me

Worst No money for coffee Headaches are coming 😬

Sep 05, 2024 8:39:38 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Bounce it back up
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2024 8:40:17 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Did you find out your grace period?

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Sep 05, 2024 8:46:37 AM +13038752587

Back to priorities 1. First thing everyday is to make cash everyday. As much as you can - no maximum limit. 2. Apply for hourly positions 5/day 3. Work on your website as you have time. 4. 1 hr meditation / walk That’s it! No social, no news,!!

Sep 05, 2024 8:49:30 AM +13038752587

Sep 05, 2024 8:50:10 AM +13038752587

Just looked this up

Sep 05, 2024 8:50:18 AM +13038752587

Ups is hiring too

Sep 05, 2024 8:50:46 AM +13038752587

Pizza Hut

Sep 05, 2024 8:51:26 AM +13038752587

I think the delivery jobs working directly with a company have the best pay

Sep 05, 2024 8:57:40 AM Me

I just don’t wanna do it I don’t wanna do anything I just wanna stop

Sep 05, 2024 9:08:24 AM Me

I’ve been a perpetual fucking motion machine for a year and a half and I haven’t had a fucking break Its everything hitting all at once I'm in this fucked up space and its fucked me up

Sep 05, 2024 9:10:29 AM Me

Yes I'm lucid and great moments of insight and growth and progress But that ain't shit really Doesn't matter Nothings matters

Sep 05, 2024 9:22:28 AM Me

For the record I don’t do the news and all that shit I’m pretty much on my stuff all day that’s why I’m so fucking upset

Sep 05, 2024 9:22:46 AM Me

You reach your point where you’re just fucking fed up

Sep 05, 2024 9:23:34 AM Me

Right now I’m down to 20 miles

Sep 05, 2024 9:27:11 AM Me

It’s embarrassing I’m delivering peoples shit while I’m crying

Sep 05, 2024 9:37:35 AM Me

Stopping dash Because I’m under 20 miles and I don’t wanna get an order that requires me to drive 8 miles both ways which happens

Sep 05, 2024 9:38:08 AM Me

So so I’m having to end this dash early by 20 minutes oh well

Sep 05, 2024 9:49:41 AM Me

I don’t know what it technically a nervous breakdown is but I think Im having one

Sep 05, 2024 9:54:28 AM +13038752587

You have a place to go re charge your batteries

Sep 05, 2024 9:54:37 AM +13038752587

What happen with Sam?

Sep 05, 2024 9:55:06 AM Me

I'm charging now. Reached out to him yesterday

Sep 05, 2024 9:55:40 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I meant personally recharge

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Sep 05, 2024 9:55:53 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Glad you getting juice in the car

Sep 05, 2024 9:57:15 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I know. Just good to know you don’t have to crash and burn. I know you can achieve what you desire. Keep the focus narrow and the actions simple

Sep 05, 2024 9:55:19 AM Me

I haven’t been online yet today. I honestly honestly don’t feel like going online or doing anything

Sep 05, 2024 9:55:40 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I meant personally recharge

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2024 9:55:53 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Glad you getting juice in the car
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2024 9:56:00 AM Me

I have no where to go

Sep 05, 2024 9:56:50 AM Me

Today is first day where I really feel failure really hard

Sep 05, 2024 9:57:15 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I know. Just good to know you don’t have to crash and burn. I know you can achieve what you desire. Keep the focus narrow and the actions simple
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2024 10:00:10 AM Me

I am not achieving anything and at this rate nothing’s gonna change so I have to be done with this. Just like Liz gets to choose a divorce without consulting me. I can choose to end my fucking life without saying a word to anyone You just wont hear from me anymore because I'm gone. Just like Elizabeth abandoning me, I’m want to abandon life I don’t want what I have and I don’t want this future or the rest of this life because it’s not what I want

Sep 05, 2024 10:01:39 AM Me

I did everything everybody fucking wanted from me and I always gave everybody everything I could and everything I was capable of I try to obey all the fucking rules be good Apparently I’m not good enough

Sep 05, 2024 10:02:08 AM Me

Now I get to spend the majority of the day wrestling with my fucking brain

Sep 05, 2024 10:02:30 AM Me

I fucking hate falling into this hole all the time

Sep 05, 2024 10:03:05 AM +13038752587

No the rules were designed by others Design your own rules now Live by your own measure

Sep 05, 2024 10:03:21 AM Me

I am and I’m failing by every measure

Sep 05, 2024 10:03:47 AM Me

I have no value I have nothing worth anything to anybody else

Sep 05, 2024 10:03:57 AM +13038752587

You aren’t exactly. There are some universal laws you have to incorporate

Sep 05, 2024 10:04:55 AM Me

If I had any value or worth somebody might wanna hire me or be my friend but I don’t have either so what the fuck does that say It says get off the fucking ride you already had your turn

Sep 05, 2024 10:05:16 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yesterday - you were own point. You know you have value to share. You are stuck in a rut that sucks but you know it well and it is safe

Sep 05, 2024 10:05:18 AM Me

I haven’t spent time with other people in weeks I’m going fucking mad inside my own skull

Sep 05, 2024 10:05:37 AM Me

This does not feel safe

Sep 05, 2024 10:05:51 AM +13038752587

Go say hello to someone - strike up a conversation about the weather

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Sep 05, 2024 10:06:05 AM +13038752587

In your subconscious it does

Sep 05, 2024 10:06:31 AM Me

I mean it’s 9 AM and I’m ready for the day to be fucking over

Sep 05, 2024 10:06:47 AM Me

I’ve lived an entire day in three hours

Sep 05, 2024 10:07:07 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Do the work you know how to do to get out of the depression and then get on with the day

Sep 05, 2024 1:10:36 PM Me

Hey

Sep 05, 2024 1:10:47 PM Me

How r u?

Sep 05, 2024 1:15:41 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - a bit of a cold - off to hotel now

Sep 05, 2024 1:20:41 PM Me

Sep 05, 2024 1:23:15 PM Me

The president of the dart league wants to know what team I would like to be on and if I’m playing singles

Sep 05, 2024 1:23:49 PM Me

Deadline is tomorrow. I don’t have the money. And I don’t know where I’ll be in three weeks let alone Next Week

Sep 05, 2024 1:24:05 PM Me

$100 singles $60 team

Sep 05, 2024 1:24:25 PM Me

| It literally is paid to play
Edited 17 seconds later | It literally is pay to play

Sep 05, 2024 1:29:36 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Team - can you make the payment at first tournament

Sep 05, 2024 6:12:13 PM ⇲ Me

Dont know

Sep 05, 2024 6:12:25 PM ⇲ Me

I’m gonna have to bow out. Which is really fucking weird since I’m on the board

Sep 05, 2024 1:30:36 PM Me

It’s 86° in Ventura it easily has to be a buck 10 in Ojai

Sep 05, 2024 2:08:00 PM Me

“Freaky wild card self”

Sep 05, 2024 2:43:50 PM Me

Realizing that I won't be able to eat in a few days. No money for food. Made some today but some already charged car and ill spend the rest tomorrow and next day. Then sun and mon no money for sure and stuck

Sep 05, 2024 3:13:42 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Did you already apply to dominos, Uber eats, Pizza Hut, the other delivery services

Sep 05, 2024 3:20:33 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Do what I can now

Sep 05, 2024 3:22:28 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I know where FASTSIGNS is in Ventura and I can walk in there tomorrow and ask them if they’ve seen my application. That would be a gig that at least is graphic and design in someway. I could definitely do the customer service position and that’s what they need

Sep 05, 2024 3:29:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The voicemail from the storage place where my shit is Apparently the sprinklers went off or there was a leak and water came out from under my door. I have DoorDash at five of down here won’t be able to get up there till tonight but my entire storage spot could be soaking fucking wet all my shit

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Sep 05, 2024 3:30:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I do I do pay a little extra every month for insurance, but I have no idea how extensive the coverage is. I’m just thinking I have so much shit exposed it’s going to be ugly

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Sep 05, 2024 3:31:20 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

And Darrell can we go to the record. How often do I say every day fucking piano fall out of the sky. Storage plate = piano

Sep 05, 2024 3:33:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Once I figure out what the status is I’ll let you know. I might be staying up in Ojai tonight

Sep 05, 2024 3:35:43 PM (Read by them after 23 seconds) Me

And maybe the universe is Helping me clean out my storage space. I know I had planned on going through it with Declan. So tomorrow if I’m not dashing I should take the opportunity with Declan and pull all the shit out if it’s wet and sort through it. In the trash to Goodwill And hopefully not everything is ruined and some I can have. I’m thinking of a really nice monitor for doing my work it probably got soaking wet however if I leave it outside and dry Ojai for like a week there won’t be a drop of water in or around that thing and I bet you it would plug-in and start up and not burn out OK I will shut up I’m on Starbucks Wi-Fi I need to apply to a few things follow up with Sam again

Sep 05, 2024 3:38:17 PM Me

And yesterday when you noticed I was cool as a cucumber. That’s because at that time I still assumed I was on platinum status and could go anytime I wanted

Sep 05, 2024 3:55:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

At 96 deliveries 4 more and platinum tomorrow

Sep 05, 2024 3:56:13 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I could dash essentially all day in Ojai tomorrow. But it might be 1,000,000° In which case I’ll use my platinum down here in Ventura and if I do 3 to 4 hours I know I can keep platinum every day but I have to do 3 to 4 hours to keep the deliveries over 100. It was taking a couple days off and it dropped to 90

Sep 05, 2024 3:57:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Spoke to the storage unit people they’re having a repair man come look at the sprinkler tomorrow at noon and I’m gonna let them into my space and then I’m gonna take a look at it tonight to see what if anything is damaged. If anything‘s truly ruined I’ll probably just chuck it they have a dumpster there Then I’ll make the assessment on Declan tomorrow maybe in the morning up until noon before it gets too damn hot I’ll buy him a Trenta Starbucks whatever 🤣🤣

Sep 05, 2024 3:58:48 PM (Read by them after 17 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

Did u see new page??

Sep 05, 2024 3:59:42 PM (Read by them after 16 minutes, 32 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney — I design reasoned solutions to complex ideas

Sep 05, 2024 4:08:26 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 48 seconds) Me

“Do what makes you happy, not what others want from you.” Simplistic yet true

Sep 05, 2024 6:12:13 PM ⇱ Me

Dont know
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2024 6:12:25 PM ⇱ Me

I’m gonna have to bow out. Which is really fucking weird since I’m on the board
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 05, 2024 6:12:42 PM Me

It’s like the credit cards I can’t give you money I don’t have

Sep 05, 2024 6:13:10 PM Me

Sux because that’s the only thing that even comes close to me being social and interacting with other people and any substantial way other than talking about whether

Sep 05, 2024 6:22:02 PM Me

I have the president personal text phone number we have an active thread. I was thinking of being transparent and humble and telling him I just don’t have the scratch right now to do it but I don’t know I could ask him to spot me I don’t know if that’s rude he knows I’m going through a divorce he saw that I posted my résumé on the Slack people if they know anybody in the industry actually one guy does and his company might be looking for a guy like me very engineering and he’s pushing to get a designer on staff Anyhow have to turn on my DoorDash in 10 minutes dashing for two hours till sunset and then I don’t know I want to go up and look at my shit but I mean at this point what can I do you know it’s no big deal if it wait till tomorrow

Sep 05, 2024 6:22:48 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 1 minute, 34 seconds) Me

Any thoughts on that? I mean what I want to do is go shoot darts at Poseidon for a little bit and then call it a night maybe I do that and then drive up to Ojai. And stay up there. I know I will get up there too late to get into storage it will be locked at 9 PM

Sep 05, 2024 6:23:16 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 1 minute, 6 seconds) Me

And I feel a strong pole to like do something other than DoorDash and staring at my computer stressing

Sep 05, 2024 6:23:38 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 44 seconds) Me

I did a good meditation today started a new course working on manifestation

Sep 05, 2024 6:23:57 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 25 seconds) Me

I think I’m up to 50 days straight meditating

Sep 05, 2024 7:24:06 PM Me

Sep 05, 2024 7:26:48 PM Me

Dude did you go off-line where are you

Sep 05, 2024 7:52:24 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Are you driving over the mountains or some shit you just like went off the radar

Sep 05, 2024 7:52:36 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

All my text messages to you or green oh except that one was blue

Sep 05, 2024 7:53:21 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I’m in the middle of my DoorDash I’ve had today more double ups which means I have an order and while I’m picking it up I get dinged to deliver something on the same trip and I’ve had three or four of those today

Sep 05, 2024 8:05:31 PM Me

5 deliveries Platinum

Sep 05, 2024 8:07:34 PM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

So I have platinum status now I confirmed it and that means whenever – now is available I have it like pretty much all the time at least for tomorrow I gotta keep my total over 100

Sep 05, 2024 8:08:42 PM Me

President of the dart league invited me out to play darts with him and the number two player in the league so I'm going to play darts with the two best people in Ventura County right now. That's my treat for getting my ass back to platinum and go shoot darts with those guys and have a beer that's it Then it'll be bedtime for Bonzo

Sep 05, 2024 9:26:49 PM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Work

Sep 05, 2024 10:16:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

You must be off work now because it’s 1016 in Mountainland.

Sep 05, 2024 10:18:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just finished playing darts for a couple of hours with some guys from the league and had fun. I think I won a single game. But I’m playing against the top five guys in the entire entire county and they’re good

Sep 05, 2024 10:19:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Has blown away by just how young people are in bars. There are some young women who don’t look over 16 kind of like Liz back in the day just made Me laugh

Sep 05, 2024 10:20:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just realized Elizabeth’s email to me said she hopes that we can be amicable etc. period But she doesn’t communicate with me. How can I be amicable when you don’t communicate. If anything it pisses me off that she won’t communicate with me like I’m a normal normal human being it’s like I’m some kind of fucking thing or disease that she has to keep away

Sep 05, 2024 10:20:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m sick of being treated like I’m some kind of fucking problem by her and I really wanna fucking lay into her about that

Sep 05, 2024 10:20:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She should just be fucking happy she should be paying for my apartment right the fuck now

Sep 05, 2024 10:22:53 PM Me

I just don’t understand why the fuck I gotta wait. Like give me I need the gig now I would like the partner of the rest of my life right now like TikTok bitch I don’t got much time to live

Sep 05, 2024 11:13:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Was texting Liz tonight Trying to get her to respond to me at all. I’m just asking for her to help me understand her and she will not communicate with me. So I said to her if you want things to be amicable you have to communicate with me otherwise it’s like you don’t fucking exist to me

Sep 05, 2024 11:14:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The one thing I do know is I sleep really well at night despite sleeping in my car because I’ve upheld my vows to you. I know I did everything with in my power and abilities to try to heal the relationship. I did everything you asked of me. Yet even in doing that you broke promises to me on the path to healing. why you’re broke your promises I will never know. I don’t know who you’re talking to or what’s going on in your head because you don’t communicate. You know this to be true. And sadly you’ll have to sit with all of this the rest of your days and wonder. You have no idea who I am anymore you don’t talk to me you don’t communicate with me so… Why did I waste the last 10 years of my life sitting around with you ? you watch me fall into a whole of depression and did nothing. You didn’t even ask me if I was OK ? I’m your fucking husband not some random asshole on the street and yeah I couldn’t even get compassion and caring from you

Sep 05, 2024 11:15:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I didn’t send that but I almost did I sent her a whole Lotta other shit though. I’m simply trying to get thread of communication going with her. If she won’t talk to me how the fuck does she expect me to be friendly with her

Sep 05, 2024 11:18:00 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

Glad you didn’t send all that and in that tone. Understand the frustration. I’m off to sleep - turnaround in 7 hrs back to hotel 🏨

Sep 05, 2024 11:20:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I simply cannot respect her because number one she didn’t honor her vows that she took to me in front of her mother and father and other relatives that are no longer with us number two she is someone who pride herself on Word of honor and integrity. Beyond the vowels she promised me many things if I gave her time and space to heal I gave her a third of an entire year of space and time without any communication. I literally gave her everything I fucking could It just hurts deeply

Sep 05, 2024 11:20:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll go back and copy what I sent to her and paste it so you can read it. I probably was insensitive but dude I don’t give a shit

Sep 05, 2024 11:21:57 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Spotify

Sep 05, 2024 11:21:57 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

True? Did you want this? I want to make certain That you want this I filed because you hadnt And thought this is What you wanted Thats why it showed up Dont have to answer now You have forgotten… You are my sunshine my only sunshine. I find it heartbreakingly sad to not have an honest down to earth conversation about this before signing all this paper I’m not trying to manipulate you, I’m asking for an opportunity for a conversation. I’m simply looking for understanding. It simply drives me nuts to be going through all this paperwork when deep down I don’t know why I’m doing this It’s just a real shame. The other night I remembered you losing your mind when we were visiting Miss Denny in Wyoming. The boys were young and you were really angry with me because I wasn’t supporting you with triathlon. I remember I was complaining in the car while we were driving there You told me that instant if you don’t change I’m gonna fucking leave you when the kids are old enough. You burn that into the synapses of my brain. You were so incredibly angry with me. Then all I wanted to do was correct the issue and not be a problem I did nothing but support you as best I could And you made it to Kona. All those years ago making the sacrifices watching the boys while you bicycles to magic Mountain and I would pick you up either from cycling or you’re running in 110°. Back then I did that knowing that sometime in the future all this sacrifice him being apart would be worth it because we’d be able to be together again after the boys got older It just simply breaks my heart eternally This whole time I feel kind of stiff armed to borrow a phrase kept at a distance You saying very little As if by communicating with me in an honest way is somehow going to lead me to believe that there’s some kind of Rosie future here. I just wanna understand you. I’ve spent more than half of my life with you and leaving you without understanding why really hurts 😭😭😭 You said in the email you want to be amicable. For that to happen You have to communicate with me. There is no being amicable without communicating with me. I know you won’t reply to these text messages, which proves my point. Again there is no amicability without respect and communication And I’ve communicated both in handwritten messages email and text that I am more than willing to have a conversation. We can go through all the paperwork but there is no moving forward in amicability until you talk to me it’s just a simple as that For someone who prides themselves on Word of honor and integrity, I find your behavior in complete conflict to that. How do you handle that contradiction?? Totally gobsmacked by you and your behavior.

Sep 06, 2024 12:23:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow I gotta stop texting Liz right now I’ve been texting her for a bit getting some shit off my chest which is A-OK and totally fine. I’m not trying to start a fight or anything I looking for understanding. Like I said to her in the text I’m going through all the motions of this paperwork and I have no idea why the fuck I’m doing it

Sep 06, 2024 12:25:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I also questioned her integrity and her claims of being honorable She can’t claim she has integrity or any honor when you don’t honor your wedding vows without any kind of explanation

Sep 06, 2024 12:26:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I don’t care who you are you don’t honor the vows you made in front of God every relative you have. At least put in the fucking effort. She put in no effort and made lots of promises and broke them all. I just can’t tolerate that shit. Not the person I am now I don’t put up with that shit anymore I’m sorry if she’s rubbed the wrong way fuck her She fucked me over for far too long

Sep 06, 2024 7:54:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Set this morning…. —- Couldn't sleep. Remembering the psychological and emotional abuse of you withholding affection. Always on your terms, always “make it quick” Glad I’ll never have to BEG for hand jobs as only form of intimacy ever again.

Sep 06, 2024 7:54:55 AM Me

All true. None of it can be denied

Sep 06, 2024 7:57:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I also mentioned the podcast about my story and it’s gonna go on the Internet. And she’s gonna be in it and I planned to share it on Instagram and Facebook so everybody gets my side of the story. I’m really done with this fuck her and the horse she rode in on

Sep 06, 2024 7:59:42 AM Me

Remember the video I shared with you that woman Heidi Prieb. She explained Elizabeth behavior to a fucking T. And I said to you I want to send it you said no and I didn’t. I want to send that now and I wanna let her know she’s a narcissist

Sep 06, 2024 10:30:24 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 58 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Are you trying to create goodwill or trouble? I recommend goodwill. Sending any communication that can be construed in a negative or antagonistic does not further your cause.

Sep 06, 2024 8:01:18 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oh forgot to say good morning. Today’s going to be a hard day because I have to go see how bad storage is

Sep 06, 2024 8:02:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Crying alot this morning

Sep 06, 2024 8:44:39 AM (Read by them after 1 hour, 2 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

Just off of FaceTime with my mom who is 75 today!

Sep 06, 2024 10:30:24 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 58 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Are you trying to create goodwill or trouble? I recommend goodwill. Sending any communication that can be construed in a negative or antagonistic does not further your cause.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 06, 2024 10:42:37 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

When you vent to her right now, you are creating a perspective of yourself that will not serve your efforts in the divorce. Stop communicating with her.

Sep 06, 2024 10:48:44 AM Me

Ok

Sep 06, 2024 10:49:33 AM Me

I just have to get some things out of me dude I can’t hold onto them. That’s just part of healing for me I can’t hold onto some shit. I don’t care if it helps her it hurts I gotta get it out of me so that I can get my body regulated instead of dis regulated

Sep 06, 2024 11:57:33 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 45 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Understandable

Sep 06, 2024 10:49:54 AM Me

I just pulled into storage and I’m about to go into my space and see just how wet my shit got.

Sep 06, 2024 10:50:25 AM Me

I’ve almost made it to three hours of being awake and haven’t lost my shit yet so it’s starting out OK I’d like to keep it this way.

Sep 06, 2024 10:51:44 AM Me

Also just for the record there’s nothing wrong with what I said to her I’m just wanna make sure she wants to go through with this and the fact that she’s not talked it through with me is a big problem I told her it says to me you lack integrity because you will not honor your vow. There’s nothing incorrect about that And I don’t care about peoples sensitivities because you know what she didn’t care about mine for a long fucking time So if I say a thing or two that comes across as insensitive well guess what if you deal it you you gotta take it

Sep 06, 2024 10:52:34 AM Me

I almost told her that I was tougher than her because I don’t think an Iron Man can do what I am doing now 18 months of this is mentally way harder than an Iron Man. I’ll die on that hill

Sep 06, 2024 10:52:59 AM Me

She’s not gonna like it when I want half of her medals 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 06, 2024 10:53:10 AM Me

I’m kidding of course

Sep 06, 2024 11:01:55 AM Me

it’s much smaller impact than I thought. The sprinklers didn’t go off. Which means there is not water all over everything. There is a pipe up in the ceiling that has a butt on it it just ends inside my space and the water is coming out of that and dripping straight down. The unfortunate thing is it drip down onto a bunch of cardboard boxes Cardboard doesn’t do too well when it’s wet🤣🤣🤣

Sep 06, 2024 11:02:23 AM Me

so I am taking pictures for storage and insurance and then gonna go through and see what’s ruined and what I can keep

Sep 06, 2024 11:57:33 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 45 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Understandable
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 06, 2024 2:43:33 PM Me

Still here 😊

Sep 06, 2024 5:04:28 PM Me

Just left storage 112° here

Sep 06, 2024 6:08:37 PM Me

Hey Watch this video. Then tell me if that is Liz. What the video is saying I am experiencing but objectively I don’t know

Sep 07, 2024 10:36:07 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I do not know Liz that well. I also think narcissism is a spectrum.

Sep 06, 2024 6:08:44 PM Me

Instagram

Sep 06, 2024 6:10:42 PM Me

I hate to think that I wasted 30 years of my life. But I married the wrong person.

Sep 06, 2024 6:11:14 PM Me

When I needed her most she pushed me away and ghosted me and acted as if I was the problem

Sep 06, 2024 6:13:21 PM Me

She controlled the relationship entirely. She would use affection as a tool or weapon. In other words Denying me intimacy. There was a period of 24 months where we had intimacy less than 15 times that’s 700 days and 15 of those days we were intimate the other 600+ was I’m sorry maybe tomorrow Tomorrow never came. And I can say that to her face and she can’t deny it at all because she knows it’s the goddamn truth

Sep 06, 2024 6:14:16 PM Me

I don’t know how to see her other than a narcissist now

Sep 06, 2024 6:14:32 PM Me

| However if I said that let’s say to Joanna she would laugh in my face and say Liz is a narcissist. And that’s a trained professional
Edited 38 seconds later | However if I said that let’s say to Joanna she would laugh in my face and say Liz isnt a narcissist at all!!!! And that’s a trained professional She’d probably go on about how kind she is and that she gives free lessons to people on the horses and blah blah blah. Fuck her too

Sep 06, 2024 6:16:12 PM Me

It’s fine she can sit with her friend all she wants but she Joanna doesn’t know the whole fucking story. And I asked Liz straight up who did you talk to about our relationship and who helped you make a decision because it wasn’t me. She got pissed about that and said nobody’s making my mind up. Grrrrrrr

Sep 06, 2024 7:18:35 PM Me

Hey dude are you around? Sorry for raging on you about Liz.

Sep 06, 2024 7:21:43 PM Me

I spent pretty much the whole day at the storage unit dealing with the shit in the pictures you probably have seen and spent the afternoon talking to the sprinkler system guys that came to work on the pipes. Turns out it was a father and son who were there and I didn’t know it until he said it at the very end. You know how I say to you I have that incredible sense of loneliness all the time, well these guys were really down to earth nice guys and I just struck up a conversation and ended up talking to them for four hours today. Discovered that the father is a history buff Served in the Navy three of his four years and was discharged after a court Marshall. He told me that I did not probe I figured that’s all I need to know for now 🤣🤣

Sep 06, 2024 7:22:36 PM Me

So even though I wasn’t on the computer doing things I’m not beating myself up over it because I actually feel OK about what I did today taking time just to talk with somebody about stuff and we talked about life stuff and raising kids it was deeper than talking about weather

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Loved by +13038752587

Sep 06, 2024 7:26:05 PM Me

Psychologically for me it was really good. Because I didn’t know these guys from any other human in the world before noon today so it was interesting and they were cool when I asked questions about what they were doing and how they analyze things or find where the problem is etc. They’re dealing with sprinkler systems design to suppress fire it’s very special heist it’s not like a plumber They ended up being a pinhole in the pipe that is caused by electrolysis there is a live wire touching the pipe and touching the wall and all of that creates corrosion overtime I learned all kinds of stuff about different fire suppression systems today. I asked for example what do you do in a place like museum of modern art or the Louvre? If those buildings were to catch on fire there is not time to get all that irreplaceable artwork out. Even though it’s in case in Glass. He said they use these things called halon systems and it binds to oxygen molecules so that the fire can’t use them as fuel it literally takes oxygen out of the air so it’s important people aren’t in the space when they let it rip

Sep 06, 2024 7:26:36 PM Me

He told me there are people who’ve been caught in a halon release and he said it burns the inside layer of their lungs 🫁

Sep 06, 2024 7:26:55 PM Me

You end up breathing the halon in with the oxygen but your body can’t use it

Sep 06, 2024 7:27:13 PM Me

Crazy shit

Sep 06, 2024 7:27:25 PM Me

I didn’t know that kind of shit existed it’s wild

Sep 06, 2024 10:09:56 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 07, 2024 9:59:27 AM Me

Hey GM

Sep 07, 2024 9:59:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

how r things going for you?

Sep 07, 2024 10:02:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I slept until 8:15 am this morying. Unhead of for me. Body and mind is telling me something…. At starbucks already. Heard back from Sam last night! He wants to meet early this week. I Replied back this morning and can meet him either day. Crossing fingers on this. This could be a great start for 2 reasons.

Sep 07, 2024 10:04:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

1. A new gig in another state. Total restart, everything new. 2. Foot in the door of the cannabis industry. Which if you’ve ever talked to people who work or own them — money, money, money. People want them to take their money. I dont think that is going to change until people can grow good weed at home like a chia-pet.

Sep 07, 2024 10:05:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Once in that industry with my tech background I think I’d be an attractive team member. I bring ALOT to anything — a fucking digital swiss army knife. I should have AI turn me into a swiss army knife

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Laughed by +13038752587

Sep 07, 2024 10:42:28 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Good idea

Sep 07, 2024 10:42:39 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 12 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

AI 🤖 Bert

Sep 07, 2024 10:36:07 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 29 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I do not know Liz that well. I also think narcissism is a spectrum.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 10:39:15 AM Me

Agree. But like the Heidi video this explanation FITS my experience of her

Sep 07, 2024 10:40:03 AM Me

This in the Heidi video explain my experience of her and her behavior far far better than I ever could That’s why I’m so drawn to the explanations There are very clear and match precisely with my experience

Sep 07, 2024 10:40:13 AM Me

| I Spark would say, totally logical
Edited 12 seconds later | As Spock would say, totally logical

Sep 07, 2024 10:46:52 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 59 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Humans are not totally logical though.

Sep 07, 2024 11:24:10 AM ⇲ Me

Precisely and that’s what drives me bananas

Sep 07, 2024 10:42:28 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Good idea
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 10:42:39 AM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 12 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

AI 🤖 Bert
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 10:46:52 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 59 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Humans are not totally logical though.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 10:53:32 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

One thing I believe is important is not to be a victim. You chose (probably not fully aware of it, all the time - my guess is you had moments of “Fuck this, I’m out of here!”) to stay in a relationship that did not fulfill you regardless of Liz’s personality. Being the “good husband” you just sucked it up. Now, that doesn’t mean she is faultless. It takes two to tango.

Reactions:

Loved by Me

Sep 07, 2024 11:28:31 AM ⇲ Me

The amount of rejection for intimacy over 10 years, one 24 mos stretch with ~12x. 12 of 712. So 700 days of not even a hug. Dozens and dozens are ghost days. Honestly I wish I had someone closer to me to confide in. Would have said, wake up dude. Tell her she needs to sit and talk about the future of us.

Sep 07, 2024 11:31:22 AM ⇲ Me

Never happened and SHOULD have. The narcissist didn’t have to work after that she had me trapped and obeying her Because she made me feel like a bad husband. I wasn’t being paid attention to because I wasn’t worthy of attention I didn’t do anything to deserve her companionship. That’s what the depression was telling me. You know big picture is really really fucking sad because all of this was avoidable I had been in the hands of a good therapist for a long period of time they would’ve picked up on this. Honestly things shifted big time in 2016 to once Trump was elected Liz got turned into a different person after that for real that’s when she got even More closed off and then harvey weinstein and the “me too” movement.

Sep 07, 2024 11:32:04 AM ⇲ Me

She ALWAYS had top power in the relationship. I was simply a servant

Sep 07, 2024 11:32:16 AM ⇲ Me

An unappreciated unrewarded servant

Sep 07, 2024 11:33:07 AM ⇲ Me

Who felt he deserved it because of his depression. Anyone not depressed who had any snippet of self-worth or value of themselves would’ve spoke the fuck up that kind of shit started. Derick Perry and I talked about this. He said to me brother week one we’d be sitting at the kitchen table and having a discussion like this is got to change

Sep 07, 2024 11:24:10 AM ⇱ Me

Precisely and that’s what drives me bananas
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 11:28:31 AM ⇱ Me

The amount of rejection for intimacy over 10 years, one 24 mos stretch with ~12x. 12 of 712. So 700 days of not even a hug. Dozens and dozens are ghost days. Honestly I wish I had someone closer to me to confide in. Would have said, wake up dude. Tell her she needs to sit and talk about the future of us.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 11:31:22 AM ⇱ Me

Never happened and SHOULD have. The narcissist didn’t have to work after that she had me trapped and obeying her Because she made me feel like a bad husband. I wasn’t being paid attention to because I wasn’t worthy of attention I didn’t do anything to deserve her companionship. That’s what the depression was telling me. You know big picture is really really fucking sad because all of this was avoidable I had been in the hands of a good therapist for a long period of time they would’ve picked up on this. Honestly things shifted big time in 2016 to once Trump was elected Liz got turned into a different person after that for real that’s when she got even More closed off and then harvey weinstein and the “me too” movement.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 11:32:04 AM ⇱ Me

She ALWAYS had top power in the relationship. I was simply a servant
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 11:32:16 AM ⇱ Me

An unappreciated unrewarded servant
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 11:33:07 AM ⇱ Me

Who felt he deserved it because of his depression. Anyone not depressed who had any snippet of self-worth or value of themselves would’ve spoke the fuck up that kind of shit started. Derick Perry and I talked about this. He said to me brother week one we’d be sitting at the kitchen table and having a discussion like this is got to change
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 07, 2024 1:32:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

brain fog today

Sep 07, 2024 1:32:47 PM Me

feeling lost and hard to focus in any direction

Sep 07, 2024 1:34:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

went down rabbit hole of trying to delete duplicate files on iCloud. ran out of disk space and cant but more

Sep 07, 2024 3:17:14 PM Me

U around today or working??

Sep 07, 2024 3:34:23 PM Me

Feeling really stuck in mud today. I miss having a partner. Had one for so long its something I miss ( and mine wasnt very affectionate )

Sep 07, 2024 3:34:45 PM Me

An affectionate partner would be nice

Sep 07, 2024 3:37:15 PM Me

Yet EVERYTHING feels so far away from me. Ive been cast off to the Kuiper Belt past Pluto Feels like I’ll never get back to this place right now. That’s all my experiences been for the past year and a half is being cast off and unable to reconnect. That’s why I feel like I’m never coming back That’s why they come back doesn’t feel like it’s going to happen it’s been so long since I’ve had positive news on the professional front

Sep 07, 2024 3:38:05 PM Me

| I’m just sitting here alone in my car in a parking lot crying cause it feels like I’m going to be in this fucking space forever. Even though I intellectually know that theological the feeling overrides it it just kills it like a tsunami
Edited 18 seconds later | I’m just sitting here alone in my car in a parking lot crying cause it feels like I’m going to be in this fucking space forever. Even though I intellectually know that intellectually the feeling overrides it it just kills it like a tsunami
Edited 18 seconds later | I’m just sitting here alone in my car in a parking lot crying cause it feels like I’m going to be in this fucking space forever. Even though I intellectually know that intellectually the feeling overrides it just kills it like a tsunami

Sep 07, 2024 3:39:14 PM Me

I just feel like if things don’t shift for me soon I’m gonna fall back into a deep pole again and I don’t want that because then I have to start all over again

Sep 07, 2024 3:39:50 PM Me

It’s like making it to the last Basecamp of Everest and then being set back down in the valley to start climbing the mountain all over again

Sep 07, 2024 3:40:50 PM Me

This will blow over in a couple of hours I’m gonna work another two maybe three hours and then go play darts by myself and then go to sleep by myself

Sep 07, 2024 3:41:38 PM Me

Tomorrow I will get up go get coffee by myself then I will go work at Starbucks by myself and then I will probably DoorDash to make money by myself. Then at some point I might walk on the beach by myself and then of course go to sleep by myself

Sep 07, 2024 3:42:03 PM Me

Now please repeat that for over 500 days

Sep 07, 2024 5:07:44 PM Me

Hello?

Sep 07, 2024 5:08:10 PM +13038752587

At work

Sep 07, 2024 5:08:48 PM Me

Oh

Sep 07, 2024 5:43:04 PM Me

Drove across town after soending $20 charging and they left before i got here. Want a beer to be a patron and shoot. I feel weird walking in using the boards and leaving. I have $6 Beers are 8 :-( Sux. Want to shoot. I could drive over to Poseidon and get a half pint for four bucks and shoot darts. Sux being alone

Sep 07, 2024 7:32:13 PM Me

Weird feeling im going to Live alone the rest of my life A hermit. Its what im conditioned too For example I was thinking what it would be like to go shopping at the market and have a kitchen where I can put things in the fridge and actually cook shit. But then I thought I’m gonna psychologically have to push myself to do that because I’ll have two things going on I won’t buy needless shit and I’m gonna be watching money like a fucking hawk because had to do that now for a long fucking time. I’m just sick of my life right now I just don’t wanna live my life anymore

Sep 07, 2024 7:32:51 PM Me

Is you know if it wouldn’t piss other people off or leave other people psychologically damaged and I was alone. Done deal I’d already be gone

Sep 07, 2024 8:45:54 PM Me

Feeling disconnected

Sep 07, 2024 8:47:01 PM Me

Stuck And broke. No dashing. Have $1

Sep 07, 2024 8:49:39 PM Me

Im very disheartened and glum Not much positive other than I haven’t gotten into an accident and I don’t have any insurance knock on wood. And I almost got caught for speeding today which would’ve been very bad

Sep 07, 2024 8:49:55 PM Me

Wasn’t meaning to speed but there it was and there was the cop and he didn’t move

Sep 07, 2024 8:50:43 PM Me

Cant find motivation And before you say how about the motivation to get out of your situation. I’ve been in this situation long enough now that I’ve kind of got 1 foot in the giving up all hope bucket

Sep 07, 2024 8:52:25 PM Me

The people in my JSC when I say that they completely get it. There’s myself and one other woman that are not getting any traction. Anyhow it’s almost 8 No social life otherwise I would try to go out and be with people. And I was thinking about the prospect of working and finally getting somewhere to live and I’m still going to be alone and like I said earlier I’m just I’m planning for it let’s put it that way

Sep 07, 2024 8:54:08 PM Me

I’ve had far too much rejection and I can’t put myself out there and be rejected by women Jenica crushed me and all I want is to get back to her. But she has a boyfriend. I was hoping somehow my shit was gonna get together and I could text her and we could start over

Sep 07, 2024 8:55:31 PM Me

I want that so bad I think about it every night before I go to bed I literally envision her in my mind and being with her. 😭😭😭

Sep 07, 2024 8:55:49 PM Me

Cry to sleep thinking about it.

Sep 07, 2024 8:57:08 PM Me

I've been thru alot and hope 🙏🏽 something, anything I’m thinking about will become real for me. Truly manifest it.

Sep 07, 2024 8:58:03 PM Me

K Leaving surfers Point I have some nice photos of sunset from out at the end of Ventura pier. I’ve already started collecting photos that I’m going to sell. And with the help of AI and some good strategic SCO I could get my photos showing up for photos of Ventura or Ventura Beach photos

Sep 07, 2024 8:58:16 PM Me

I’m going to do that sit alone in the parking lot by myself thing

Sep 07, 2024 8:58:44 PM Me

I'm in a melancholy mood so it's either the Smiths or Radiohead

Sep 07, 2024 9:08:08 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 07, 2024 9:53:52 PM Me

| What to say about #9? it was not a flippant decision by her food I
Edited 15 seconds later | What to say about #9? it was not a flippant decision by her

Sep 07, 2024 9:53:56 PM Me

Instagram

Sep 07, 2024 10:01:38 PM Me

Had thistyped Up last night in Lizs queue. Fell asleep before sending Also, part of her consequence s for not sitting down is me reminding her a lot about how awful and mean she was to me. And ill cc joanna — Couldn't sleep. Remembering the psychological and emotional abuse of you withholding affection over many years. Always tomorrow, but Tomorrows never came. Always on your terms, always “make it quick” Glad I’ll never have to beg for hand jobs EVER again I mean WTF was your problem?????? Made me fucking FURIOUS and I said NOTHING over 5 years. Total waste of time staying with you all those years.

Sep 07, 2024 10:53:56 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 46 minutes, 14 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t send text like this!! Don’t send any actually.

Sep 08, 2024 8:41:11 AM ⇲ Me

Nothing factually incorrect

Sep 08, 2024 8:41:16 AM ⇲ Me

GM

Sep 08, 2024 8:41:33 AM ⇲ Me

Just woke up worried

Sep 08, 2024 8:43:27 AM ⇲ Me

Wake up into this. Never a slow confused wake up Have had one of those since I was younger than 10. Whole life Ive woken up to a busy mind in the middle of something. Feels like u never rest

Sep 08, 2024 8:43:42 AM ⇲ Me

Sux

Sep 08, 2024 8:43:53 AM ⇲ Me

Like most things do

Sep 08, 2024 9:21:28 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

These messages can easily be viewed as antagonistic. They also show anger and blame. And, could justify her feelings of fear. (You are going through a divorce, Liz may agree to your terms or counter or be willing to go to court - anything that can strengthen her position (whatever that may be) will become evidence - do not send anything other than courteous replies if she messages you!) Your frustration and anger of these things is understandable. Directly it at Liz does not help. Write them down, feel them, then rip them up or burn them, then let go

Sep 07, 2024 10:03:53 PM Me

| I want to rip her a new asshole, and believe me at some point I will. Maybe giving a speech at one of the boys weddings. “ I mean we’re lucky these three boys are alive. Liz had sex with me 70 times in 20 years of marriage.” Good odds
Edited 31 seconds later | I want to rip her a new asshole, and believe me at some point I will. Maybe giving a speech at one of the boys weddings. “ I mean we’re lucky these three boys are alive. Liz had sex with me 70 times in 20 years of marriage.”

Sep 07, 2024 10:04:54 PM Me

Sep 07, 2024 10:12:51 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 07, 2024 10:27:19 PM Me

Having a very lonely evening after a lonely day with brain fog. Feel increasing isolation and loneliness every additional day this goes on.

Sep 07, 2024 10:28:12 PM Me

That's why I fear becoming a hermit or eternal loner

Sep 07, 2024 10:33:05 PM Me

Its September and an entire calendar year of this existence is about to come up If it somehow becomes January and Im still stuck... Yeah, Depression will be back probablyharder than ever. K, off to sleep. Didnt get much done at all today. ☹️ Tired brain fog, LOTS of staring into space losing touch with now

Sep 07, 2024 10:38:33 PM Me

Perfect

Sep 07, 2024 10:38:38 PM Me

Instagram

Sep 07, 2024 10:39:02 PM Me

Its sums up my marriage.

Sep 07, 2024 10:52:30 PM Me

Trying to sleep and theres a loud band playing nearby.

Sep 07, 2024 10:53:56 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 46 minutes, 14 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t send text like this!! Don’t send any actually.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 8:41:11 AM ⇱ Me

Nothing factually incorrect
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 8:41:16 AM ⇱ Me

GM
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 8:41:33 AM ⇱ Me

Just woke up worried
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 8:43:27 AM ⇱ Me

Wake up into this. Never a slow confused wake up Have had one of those since I was younger than 10. Whole life Ive woken up to a busy mind in the middle of something. Feels like u never rest
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 8:43:42 AM ⇱ Me

Sux
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 8:43:53 AM ⇱ Me

Like most things do
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 9:18:07 AM Me

GM no dashing today None scheduled because I thought I had premium for a month anyhow no money Almost no water Almost zero prospects WTF am I here for other than to suffer more? K, dont know what ill do today. Going to go mad. Fucking hate this

Sep 08, 2024 9:21:28 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

These messages can easily be viewed as antagonistic. They also show anger and blame. And, could justify her feelings of fear. (You are going through a divorce, Liz may agree to your terms or counter or be willing to go to court - anything that can strengthen her position (whatever that may be) will become evidence - do not send anything other than courteous replies if she messages you!) Your frustration and anger of these things is understandable. Directly it at Liz does not help. Write them down, feel them, then rip them up or burn them, then let go
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 9:21:29 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 08, 2024 9:22:22 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Why no dashing?

Sep 08, 2024 9:22:34 AM Me

The way to think of this is being unwanted. You’re unwanted by every business you apply to. Your unwanted in the places you show up in Your unwanted by people whose expectations you don’t meet Just unwanted wherever you go and buy a whoever you come in contact with That’s my life right now and has been my life for a while and people can’t seem to understand why I don’t wanna fucking be around. Nobody wants me so I wanna leave

Sep 08, 2024 9:23:25 AM Me

I see little to no purpose of me continuing or being alive I do nothing for no one I’m just a fucking leech on the world

Sep 08, 2024 9:23:50 AM Me

Sick of living

Sep 08, 2024 9:23:56 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

That is your skewed view - stop looking outside - do things for you!

Sep 08, 2024 9:24:30 AM ⇲ Me

I do things for me I walk on the beach I take some time and not stare at the computer and I meditate

Sep 08, 2024 9:24:41 AM ⇲ Me

NOTHING CHANGES

Sep 08, 2024 9:24:24 AM +13038752587

The validation must come from you first.

Sep 08, 2024 9:24:30 AM ⇱ Me

I do things for me I walk on the beach I take some time and not stare at the computer and I meditate
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 9:24:41 AM ⇱ Me

NOTHING CHANGES
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 9:25:19 AM Me

BITTER

Sep 08, 2024 9:25:22 AM Me

ANGRY

Sep 08, 2024 9:25:27 AM Me

FUCK EVERYTHING

Sep 08, 2024 9:25:32 AM +13038752587

These are good - now start producing money to get you out of poverty

Sep 08, 2024 9:25:44 AM Me

I’m just at the point of not caring or giving a rats fuck anymore

Sep 08, 2024 9:26:18 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Did you apply to dominos, Pizza Hut - at least you will have a consistent schedule and pay - dashing seems sporadic

Sep 08, 2024 9:26:21 AM Me

If I could make money fucking magically show up in the air it would be great. I seem to have no value or worth to any company or any business or anything so if I have no value and I have nothing to give I can’t make money

Sep 08, 2024 9:26:33 AM Me

| This is going to end and I am going to put it into it
Edited 14 seconds later | This is going to end and I am going to put and end to it soon

Sep 08, 2024 9:27:16 AM Me

Just done with society

Sep 08, 2024 9:27:27 AM +13038752587

You have tons of value - you seem to be pigeonholing your self. It’s this or that or nothing.

Sep 08, 2024 9:27:45 AM ⇲ Me

If I had value somebody would’ve seen it by now

Sep 08, 2024 9:27:45 AM ⇱ Me

If I had value somebody would’ve seen it by now
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 9:28:02 AM +13038752587

Not if you don’t show it to them

Sep 08, 2024 9:28:06 AM +13038752587

Directly

Sep 08, 2024 9:28:09 AM Me

I simply don’t want to fucking do this anymore.

Sep 08, 2024 9:28:22 AM Me

I am done with this I want to check the fuck out of this place

Sep 08, 2024 9:28:50 AM Me

This isn’t coming from a crying weeping place this is coming from a really angry place this is coming from a different part of me that I’ve not dealt with before

Sep 08, 2024 9:29:07 AM Me

This is what shadow Work gets you into

Sep 08, 2024 9:29:12 AM +13038752587

The shadow

Sep 08, 2024 9:29:24 AM +13038752587

Thinking the same thing

Sep 08, 2024 9:29:33 AM Me

You fucking right and the shadow don’t fuck around

Sep 08, 2024 9:30:05 AM Me

I can say unequivocally I do not feel inside my body or my head like I normally do, whatever normal is

Sep 08, 2024 9:30:10 AM +13038752587

Good / do they recommend how to work through it?

Sep 08, 2024 9:30:29 AM Me

No

Sep 08, 2024 9:30:43 AM Me

It’s part of my personality

Sep 08, 2024 9:30:57 AM Me

Stuffed so far fucking down I didn’t even know I had it

Sep 08, 2024 9:31:36 AM +13038752587

Not part of your personality Feelings that need to be released

Sep 08, 2024 9:32:06 AM Me

Anyhow I don’t wanna eat up your day you have a family and a wife and things to do. I’ll still be sitting here in my fucking car at the end of the day and nothing will have fucking changed. Wake up tomorrow and repeat it for the nearly 600th day

Sep 08, 2024 9:32:16 AM +13038752587

Suggestion Go somewhere and go Gestault on a rock

Sep 08, 2024 9:32:28 AM Me

Wut

Sep 08, 2024 9:33:14 AM Me

I mean I appreciate you reading these and replying. It’s really nice to see somebody fucking care. I’m sorry but it’s not enough to keep me here

Sep 08, 2024 9:33:41 AM Me

I just simply don’t wanna fucking be here It’s really simple

Sep 08, 2024 9:34:21 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Basically - treat the rock or tree or anything as the person, thing you are angry at and let it rip. Scream at them/it, literally Get it out

Sep 08, 2024 9:35:24 AM ⇲ Me

I’m way past that point

Sep 08, 2024 9:34:23 AM Me

I just don’t wanna do this anymore. On the kids stuck on the fucking Ferris wheel and they can’t get them off. So he’s decided to unbuckle his belt and just jump the fuck off

Sep 08, 2024 9:35:06 AM Me

I’m stuck somewhere I can’t get out of and I don’t want to spend more time here

Sep 08, 2024 9:35:24 AM ⇱ Me

I’m way past that point
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 9:35:45 AM Me

I’m on the given up side of things now

Sep 08, 2024 9:35:54 AM +13038752587

No, I don’t believe that, I hear the anger in your texts

Sep 08, 2024 9:36:27 AM Me

Yeah you can read lots of anger in my text I am angry but it’s pointless for me to scream at an inanimate object just won’t do anything for me I’ve already done the screaming

Sep 08, 2024 9:36:47 AM Me

I will scream and be right back here exactly where I am in my head

Sep 08, 2024 9:36:50 AM +13038752587

It will - you have to releas it

Sep 08, 2024 9:37:35 AM Me

I haven’t pulled out of my parking spot where I’m sleeping yet and I want to drive to the parking lot or I guess I’ll spend the day in my car

Sep 08, 2024 9:38:19 AM Me

I get to hang out in my car in a parking lot. And the thing is I can’t get my brain to do work I get kind of spicy and daydream me.

Sep 08, 2024 9:39:08 AM Me

K have a good day.

Sep 08, 2024 9:39:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hey - when do you talk to hygienic next

Sep 08, 2024 9:39:38 AM Me

Dont know waitin

Sep 08, 2024 9:39:53 AM +13038752587

Did you speak to him last week

Sep 08, 2024 9:39:58 AM Me

No

Sep 08, 2024 9:40:10 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Call on Monday

Sep 08, 2024 9:40:23 AM Me

I followed up with him twice. He got back to me on Friday

Sep 08, 2024 9:40:34 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What did he say

Sep 08, 2024 9:40:36 AM Me

And I’m just waiting to hear back. I can’t call cause I don’t have a number

Sep 08, 2024 9:40:54 AM +13038752587

How are you communicating

Sep 08, 2024 9:41:17 AM Me

Linked in messages and he said nothing really other than he wants to talk

Sep 08, 2024 9:41:35 AM Me

I really don’t have any idea what he’s up to or what his sense of urgency is or any of that

Sep 08, 2024 9:42:24 AM +13038752587

Contact him tomorrow and suggest some times- one in am one in pm

Sep 08, 2024 9:43:13 AM Me

That’s fine but beyond that it’s a real stretch for me to think that he might hire me simply because I don’t have a gigantically deep analytics background

Sep 08, 2024 9:44:07 AM Me

My text messages with you are the only conversations that I have

Sep 08, 2024 9:44:23 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Actually wait until tomorrow afternoon to reachout - give him time to contact you. Then send a message

Sep 08, 2024 9:44:36 AM Me

Otherwise I’m in my head all day all night I have nobody I interact with in any substantial way so I’m fucking weird because I’m with myself all the time too much time

Sep 08, 2024 9:45:01 AM Me

I find it harder and weirder to interact with people

Sep 08, 2024 9:45:02 AM +13038752587

You just told me yesterday about a four convo and you went and played darts with folks

Sep 08, 2024 9:45:38 AM ⇲ Me

I showed up to Play and everybody was gone

Sep 08, 2024 9:46:19 AM ⇲ +13038752587

No with the president and number one player- a few days ago

Sep 08, 2024 9:45:12 AM +13038752587

Four hour

Sep 08, 2024 9:45:38 AM ⇱ Me

I showed up to Play and everybody was gone
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 9:45:45 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ok - need to run - be patient and kind to yourself.

Sep 08, 2024 9:46:19 AM ⇱ +13038752587

No with the president and number one player- a few days ago
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 9:46:19 AM Me

It’s it’s a subtle reject

Sep 08, 2024 9:47:07 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Text away here to get thoughts out of your head

Sep 08, 2024 1:12:15 PM ⇲ Me

Feeling loneliness again. when these feelings come on and I get overwhelmed by them they completely disable me from working I can’t focus when things are that strong and that in my head. At the laptop getting some website stuff done and working on my insurance submission. I found out today that my iCloud isn’t backing up and it won’t because I can’t pay for more storage. Every day it’s a new thing

Sep 08, 2024 2:14:04 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 52 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I may have some cloud storage available- not iCloud

Sep 08, 2024 9:47:17 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Go for a walk too

Sep 08, 2024 9:47:35 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

I love you 😍

Sep 08, 2024 11:49:09 AM Me

I just randomly logged into the Dasher app to see if I could dash and there was one hour available and I did two deliveries and got money for today . I can charge the car and eat now

Sep 08, 2024 1:12:15 PM ⇱ Me

Feeling loneliness again. when these feelings come on and I get overwhelmed by them they completely disable me from working I can’t focus when things are that strong and that in my head. At the laptop getting some website stuff done and working on my insurance submission. I found out today that my iCloud isn’t backing up and it won’t because I can’t pay for more storage. Every day it’s a new thing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 1:12:32 PM Me

A new thing that I’m unable to tackle because of a lack of resources

Sep 08, 2024 1:12:55 PM Me

And yes I’m trying to change that I am fucking work at it every day and when I take a break I beat myself up because I don’t deserve time off I haven’t fucking earned it

Sep 08, 2024 2:14:38 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

There is a balance

Sep 08, 2024 1:54:48 PM Me

Realizing I dont have a sense of days. Meaning a few things, I see time in short clips. Only next two hours, beyond that isnt worth thinking about because things are too unpredictable and change on me. Sleeping location Money in pocket Battery % Always variable, always top of mind 24/7

Sep 08, 2024 2:15:35 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I believe there are free charging station in Ventura through county

Sep 08, 2024 2:17:51 PM ⇲ Me

Not that im aware of. I can look online. But again, ultimately it will bring me more of the same, so i dont want to bother. Can you at least see that if not understand?

Sep 08, 2024 1:58:04 PM Me

40% of day/brain/time thinking of those because essential and totally unpredictable. 30% sleep, 30% everything else: meditation, dashing, trying to find something more than I have going on for money

Sep 08, 2024 1:59:34 PM Me

Emotional dysregulation eats some of that 30% too. sucks alot

Sep 08, 2024 2:00:26 PM Me

And that is also variable in duration, intensity, and direction mentally (focused on money, feelings, relationships)

Sep 08, 2024 2:02:03 PM Me

| Ive never felt over something quite like this. The “im so done/over this” But for me it feels that way towards being here every day
Edited 26 seconds later | Ive never felt over something quite like this. The “im so done/over this” it feels that way towards being here every day

Sep 08, 2024 2:06:08 PM Me

living is miserable Existing for more of this? No thanks. Nearly at Ppoint where im going to stop doing anything to better the situation. Wasted energy and effort.

Sep 08, 2024 2:09:45 PM Me

Feeling Very Why bother? Nothing changes in significant ways. All the hours of effort and Im right where I was May 16, 2023 Im entitled to feel discouraged because if this isn’t the definition I don’t know what is

Sep 08, 2024 2:14:04 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 52 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I may have some cloud storage available- not iCloud
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 2:14:38 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

There is a balance
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 2:15:35 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I believe there are free charging station in Ventura through county
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 2:17:51 PM ⇱ Me

Not that im aware of. I can look online. But again, ultimately it will bring me more of the same, so i dont want to bother. Can you at least see that if not understand?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 08, 2024 2:19:25 PM Me

Getting to point where I just dont want to continue, not just here — everywhere in this current existence. Everything feels like wasted effort

Sep 08, 2024 2:58:09 PM Me

Sadness and loneliness are dominant and all encompassing

Sep 08, 2024 3:06:55 PM Me

| Until I can get basic needs under my feet. Like a place, some kind of work. Until I have those two things in place it’s going to be very hard for me to stay “up“ I can try as hard as I want, but I can’t fight the pendulum swing from forced effort to feel good then when tired swinging back hard into pity despair crying basically falling apart. Until I can get a roof over my head I will continue to have that falling apart happening .
Edited 48 seconds later | Until I can get basic needs under my feet. Like a place, some kind of work. Until I have those two things in place it’s going to be very hard for me to stay “up“ I can try as hard as I want, but I can’t fight the pendulum swing from forced effort to feel good then when tired swinging back hard into pity despair crying basically falling apart. Until I can get a roof over my head I will continue to have that falling apart happening .

Sep 08, 2024 5:14:42 PM Me

At Poseidon brewery and found out that Jenica and her beer club are in the next room over having an anniversary party for the club

Sep 08, 2024 5:15:13 PM Me

Shes not even 200 feet away on the other side of the wall

Sep 08, 2024 5:15:34 PM Me

Why is this happening?

Sep 08, 2024 5:15:47 PM Me

Should I leave here?

Sep 08, 2024 5:16:07 PM Me

Unsure what to do.

Sep 08, 2024 5:16:26 PM Me

Ur insight would be helpful

Sep 08, 2024 5:16:58 PM Me

I dont want to do anything that could fuck something up

Sep 08, 2024 5:17:12 PM Me

Its like i feel wrong for being here

Sep 08, 2024 5:17:35 PM Me

And im shivering/shaking nervous after a heavy beer

Sep 08, 2024 5:17:47 PM Me

Help!

Sep 08, 2024 5:18:52 PM Me

Anxiety off the charts

Sep 08, 2024 5:25:55 PM Me

One of the women i kniw just came in this side Think i caught her eye Will be interesting. Going to keep throwing

Sep 08, 2024 6:09:02 PM Me

Saw 3 of her very good friends come over to this side.

Sep 08, 2024 6:09:21 PM Me

Imagine shes over there with her boyfriend

Sep 08, 2024 6:09:29 PM Me

So fucking confused

Sep 08, 2024 6:09:34 PM Me

What to do

Sep 08, 2024 6:10:00 PM Me

Its stressing me out

Sep 08, 2024 6:18:16 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Either stay and enjoy your game Or Leave What feels right? If you are going to frequent the same places you will run into each other. If you don’t want the uncomfortableness find another brewery to play darts.

Sep 08, 2024 6:19:45 PM Me

Its an anomoly were near each other again

Sep 08, 2024 6:20:14 PM Me

This is THE place for darrs in ventura

Sep 08, 2024 6:20:18 PM Me

6 boards

Sep 08, 2024 6:21:50 PM Me

Why are we this close? Universe made it happen. She knows im over here. Cant imagine they wouldnt tell her unless clung to boyfriend

Sep 08, 2024 6:21:58 PM Me

Anyhow, shes moved on

Sep 08, 2024 6:22:09 PM Me

Breaks my fuxxking heart

Sep 08, 2024 6:23:22 PM Me

Alison, who works here at the bar keeps flirting with me Said she was going to spike my drink and I said to her do you mean you’re going to slip me a Mickey? She looks at me squints on high it says I can’t afford this kind of drugs you’re gonna get what I can make

Sep 08, 2024 6:23:48 PM Me

I just don’t know what to make of her interaction with me if she’s just being comical or is she hitting on me?

Sep 08, 2024 6:24:34 PM Me

That’s what I mean dude I never ever know when women are giving me some kind of sign that they’re interested in me I just wasn’t handed that equipment. I know that when I met Jenica it was overwhelming although we were together for six hours straight when we first met

Sep 08, 2024 6:27:48 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t over think it. She’s flirting. Flirt back.

Sep 08, 2024 6:28:18 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

Bed time process for girls

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Sep 08, 2024 6:29:04 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Have fun. Stay out if your head. Speak your truth if you run into Jenica.

Sep 08, 2024 6:29:05 PM Me

I do

Sep 08, 2024 6:29:30 PM Me

I should just be straight up and ask her

Sep 08, 2024 6:47:56 PM Me

Just now 3rd was short

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Sep 08, 2024 6:58:35 PM Me

Well I have 7am doordash

Sep 08, 2024 6:58:40 PM Me

Im still here

Sep 08, 2024 6:59:20 PM Me

I dont want to make moves on any woman when I dont have a place.

Sep 08, 2024 7:01:28 PM Me

Only have 2 pieces of bread and an little PBJ and tortilla chips. Need to charge car.

Sep 08, 2024 7:01:55 PM Me

Just around lots of people but still alone

Sep 08, 2024 7:02:33 PM Me

Dont know when to head up to Ojai?

Sep 08, 2024 7:03:02 PM Me

Dont know what to do with myself.

Sep 08, 2024 7:20:16 PM Me

Deciding to stay here and keep shooting

Sep 08, 2024 7:21:24 PM Me

My accuracy has gine up alot

Sep 08, 2024 7:22:42 PM Me

And need to build more stamina

Sep 08, 2024 7:23:42 PM Me

Playing in singles you need to win six of 11 games so there is the potential for you to play all 11 games. Five games to five and then have to play the final game so I don’t know if you know but that is a lot of throwing two things happen your shoulder will get really tired And your accuracy will go out the window or your accuracy go out the window and you won’t know why it’s weird

Sep 08, 2024 7:24:17 PM Me

I’m gonna go charge the car after they close here at seven and then probably head up into Ojai because I have to dash in the morning from 7 to 9 AM

Sep 08, 2024 7:57:50 PM Me

“It feels like people are avoiding you”

Sep 08, 2024 8:35:21 PM Me

Tried 2 chargers and neither worked

Sep 08, 2024 8:35:31 PM Me

With my car

Sep 08, 2024 8:35:50 PM Me

Stressing somethings up with car

Sep 08, 2024 9:16:44 PM Me

I basically got nothing done today and just a waste of fucking space

Sep 08, 2024 9:17:07 PM Me

I’m a waste of space and whatever little resources that I consume

Sep 08, 2024 9:17:37 PM Me

I’m sick of not being able to eat normal food

Sep 08, 2024 9:19:01 PM Me

I’m right the fuck where I was this morning which is I just don’t wanna fucking keep doing this every day. Yet here I go gonna go sleep on the fucking street and wake up tomorrow morning and do this bullshit all over again

Sep 08, 2024 9:19:25 PM Me

I’ll feel the same way I’ll have the same fucking attitude and hello Groundhog Day

Sep 08, 2024 9:23:55 PM Me

Can I send pictures of what I have for dinner to Elizabeth with just the word dinner. You know pictures of water and tortilla chips.

Sep 09, 2024 8:34:09 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No

Sep 08, 2024 9:27:23 PM Me

OK done charging in Ventura now driving up to Ojai on the slow road so I don’t burn too much of my battery.

Sep 08, 2024 9:33:05 PM Me

I think I’m gonna stop texting you so much. I don’t think it’s good or healthy

Sep 08, 2024 11:46:18 PM Me

| Going to bed here rather I’m going to sleep I don’t have a Of course can’t get her out of my mind and I find myself laying here thinking about writing her a short email and say if you ever find yourself single and lonely call me
Edited 14 seconds later | Going to bed here rather I’m going to sleep I don’t have a bed Of course can’t get her out of my mind and I find myself laying here thinking about writing her a short email and say if you ever find yourself single and lonely call me

Sep 08, 2024 11:49:44 PM Me

One thing that was surprising was the women I did run into today that are Jenica‘s friends that I was introduced to we’re all very surprised to see me. They said I thought you were going to Colorado? I thought I was too but I don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore. I had so much shit go through my mind today it’s overwhelming how much goes through my head. For example I have this habit of being mentally exhausted two or three hours after waking up. I see other people and realize there’s not a lot going on in their head right now they’re just kind of breezing through the day especially on the weekends when I see people at coffee shops. Meanwhile I’m white knuckled white haired

Sep 09, 2024 8:30:22 AM Me

GM

Sep 09, 2024 8:31:11 AM Me

Today is the day

Sep 09, 2024 8:34:09 AM (Read by you after 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 09, 2024 8:35:53 AM Me

No money, no food. One more hour of this dash and have made $0 so far. Only dash of the day

Sep 09, 2024 8:35:58 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

GM - make the day your day.

Sep 09, 2024 8:36:12 AM +13038752587

Are you dashing in Ventura or Ojai

Sep 09, 2024 8:36:14 AM Me

Kinda fucked with no money or food

Sep 09, 2024 8:36:33 AM Me

I can’t make today my day when I don’t even have something to eat

Sep 09, 2024 8:36:48 AM Me

At least I have 1 gallon of water that’s it

Sep 09, 2024 8:37:34 AM Me

My next DoorDash isn’t until tomorrow morning up here in Ojai. I do not want to sit in Ojai today while it’s 500° and I have nowhere to go. Starbucks is closed up here because they had a fire at the end of last week

Sep 09, 2024 8:37:53 AM Me

So if I drive to Ventura to stay cool I won’t have any battery to get back up here tomorrow to dash

Sep 09, 2024 8:37:58 AM +13038752587

I thought you said Ventura is better for dashing

Sep 09, 2024 8:38:26 AM ⇲ Me

I don’t have platinum status so I can’t dash whenever I want I can only dash on a schedule and this is all I could get

Sep 09, 2024 8:38:04 AM Me

And I don’t have free Wi-Fi or air-conditioned place

Sep 09, 2024 8:38:26 AM ⇱ Me

I don’t have platinum status so I can’t dash whenever I want I can only dash on a schedule and this is all I could get
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 09, 2024 8:38:53 AM Me

Plus I’m just fucking burned out

Sep 09, 2024 8:39:06 AM Me

I don’t wanna do anything any day ever

Sep 09, 2024 8:39:25 AM Me

Just so fucking unmotivated I’m just gonna go sit in the shade somewhere and fucking cry all day

Sep 09, 2024 8:41:48 AM Me

So I’m driving without a car insurance my phone bill is due past due I have a car payment coming up All I want is a coffee. I’m gonna end up with one of those fucking stabbing headaches today

Sep 09, 2024 8:42:17 AM Me

I haven’t even been up an hour and I’m already fucking miserable upset and just ready for the day to be over

Sep 09, 2024 8:42:35 AM Me

I hate living

Sep 09, 2024 8:42:55 AM Me

Truly and deeply

Sep 09, 2024 8:43:08 AM Me

Dont want this anymore

Sep 09, 2024 8:43:24 AM Me

Sorry

Sep 09, 2024 8:43:36 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Dude -you can have a roof over your head and a job. It just requires going to NY. Or have you applied to Pizza Hut, dominos etc. where you work a set schedule?

Sep 09, 2024 8:44:22 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Dashing is too sporadic

Sep 09, 2024 8:44:30 AM Me

Ny living = death

Sep 09, 2024 8:44:53 AM Me

I can’t take on the additional mental stress of being in that area

Sep 09, 2024 8:45:09 AM Me

Waterford and New York and all whole place is nothing but triggers

Sep 09, 2024 8:45:39 AM +13038752587

But it relieves stress of housing, food, money, bills

Sep 09, 2024 8:55:01 AM ⇲ Me

The cost benefit in my head isnt worth it

Sep 09, 2024 8:45:42 AM Me

I will go into an even darker depression if I go to New York and I know it will be the end of me

Sep 09, 2024 8:46:05 AM Me

I will become one of those catatonic depressed people that won’t even get the fuck out of bed

Sep 09, 2024 8:46:42 AM Me

I’ll just be honest the people back there make me fucking depressed

Sep 09, 2024 8:47:21 AM Me

Go do your day

Sep 09, 2024 8:49:38 AM Me

I wish I had courage to check myself out so that this would end

Sep 09, 2024 9:15:15 AM (Read by you after 46 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Stop wishing for the end of you. It comes soon enough. Start wishing to get the proper counseling/program to permanently shift your mind

Sep 09, 2024 9:17:23 AM ⇲ Me

I may be treatment resistant. In other words current therapy don’t work for me. It’s kind of like a half assed Band-Aid it sort of helps but then there’s periods of time where it doesn’t

Sep 09, 2024 8:53:40 AM Me

Its the never ending quality of this situation that makes this hard to motivate

Sep 09, 2024 8:55:01 AM ⇱ Me

The cost benefit in my head isnt worth it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 09, 2024 9:15:15 AM (Read by you after 46 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Stop wishing for the end of you. It comes soon enough. Start wishing to get the proper counseling/program to permanently shift your mind
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 09, 2024 9:15:48 AM (Read by you after 13 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - home with girls today due to schools shooting threats

Sep 09, 2024 9:16:15 AM Me

Whoa

Sep 09, 2024 9:17:15 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

| Colorado & Texas and isolated on penn, nJ too
Edited 19 seconds later | Colorado & Texas and penn, nJ too

Sep 09, 2024 9:17:23 AM ⇱ Me

I may be treatment resistant. In other words current therapy don’t work for me. It’s kind of like a half assed Band-Aid it sort of helps but then there’s periods of time where it doesn’t
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 09, 2024 9:18:00 AM Me

But we dont have a gun problem.

Sep 09, 2024 9:19:34 AM Me

Heading to VTA in 10mins I cant do the heat up here when Starbucks is closed. No place with AC and wifi

Sep 09, 2024 10:16:37 AM Me

Hey. Sorry about my blow up. In Ventura. I always get triggered when I have no money and feel incredibly fucked. Trying to focus on other things down here. At starbucks usuing wifi for a bit. I have to submit my insurance claim for my storage space and all the shit that got wet. I actually might get a check back from that I’m not sure for how much but we’ll see

Sep 09, 2024 10:28:40 AM Me

When this period passes I owe u a beer

Sep 09, 2024 10:29:02 AM Me

😁

Sep 09, 2024 12:41:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

When you have a chance take a look at this:

Sep 09, 2024 12:42:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert Mahoney — I design reasoned solutions to complex ideas

Sep 09, 2024 12:42:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is the new homepage. Only 3 case studies, much shorter experience on the homepage and looks better IMO LMK

Sep 09, 2024 12:53:17 PM Me

If you think that looks good I’m gonna publish it and take the other one down

Sep 09, 2024 12:53:40 PM Me

Meanwhile I am working on my storage place insurance claim reimbursement. The sooner I get that in the sooner I get a check

Sep 09, 2024 12:54:01 PM Me

And that money could help me out significantly

Sep 09, 2024 12:54:10 PM Me

Literally buy me more runway

Sep 09, 2024 1:27:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Help

Sep 09, 2024 1:28:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Liz emailed me. remember the texting I did that one night (after getting triggered?) She wrote saying email is best to communicate _ dont disagree. I wrote a draft reply. Could you read it? I would like to send yesterday. Thanks! Note: I’m appealing to her humanity in my reply, but also pointing out lack of integrity and honor — simple facts.

Sep 09, 2024 1:28:58 PM Me

LMK

Sep 09, 2024 1:42:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

just emailed you a link to a google doc containing it all.

Reactions:

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Sep 09, 2024 1:42:47 PM Me

back to insurance for me.

Sep 09, 2024 3:19:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you there?

Sep 09, 2024 3:23:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just over 4k in stuff damaged by water

Sep 09, 2024 3:23:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

used photo to markup, then put into spreadsheet, do research on pricing, and total. Now entering each one and submitting today.

Sep 09, 2024 3:23:54 PM Me

will ping when thats done.

Sep 09, 2024 3:36:06 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll read enail momentarily

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Liked by Me

Sep 09, 2024 3:47:24 PM Me

Claim submitted. And following up with the manager by email to let them know my claim is in. The insurance company sends them a document for the storage place to approve and say yes this did happen yes he his stuff got ruined

Sep 09, 2024 7:20:18 PM Me

Go ahead and check out that link I sent you earlier to the new homepage I have two minor cosmetic things to adjust one is the letters or one are the letters B on top I’m gonna change their color so they’re not as so much the same

Sep 09, 2024 7:21:12 PM Me

I would really like to flip the switch on that page if you could take a look because there has not been a second set of eyes on it at all

Sep 09, 2024 9:09:11 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 09, 2024 9:36:49 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 09, 2024 9:55:13 PM Me

Hey there, I would love your feedback on the email I would like to reply to Elizabeth and do you think I should ask her if she has a lawyer

Sep 09, 2024 10:00:04 PM Me

Also knowing that I was on the other side of the wall from Jenica yesterday yeah I didn’t see her makes me know that she avoided coming to that side and seeing me once she heard from her friends that I was over there. And her friend Carrie who I consider a friend Was wondering why I hadn’t left for Colorado yet because that’s what I said was going on and I replied that I was waiting to hear about this job interview because that will determine how fast I get out there. That said there’s still a lot I need to have happen moneywise like thousands and thousands of dollars needs to show up for all the things I have to pay and if that money fails to show up it’s time to fold up the tent

Sep 09, 2024 10:06:21 PM Me

My point is Jenica knowing I was there probably wonders why I am still here as well. Definitely not something she would say out loud but she would think and wonder why. I know she has a boyfriend. However my bond with her is way deeper than now it goes back I can’t explain it but I felt it hard-core and still do and she said the same thing to me and I know she can’t deny it. I’d like to email her and just explain my situation but I also have to share that I still have incredible feelings for her and that even though I am trying to put her out of my mind and move on, I wake up with her on my mind every morning Now I’m crying 😭 when I talk about her my feelings literally come right out of my heart and up my throat and it’s overwhelming. I simply want to say to her that when my shit is together and I feel like the time is right I want to reach out to her and see if by chance she’s single, and hopefully with any luck she is and we get to do this over again properly I'm a fucking sobbing mess now.

Sep 09, 2024 10:07:38 PM Me

| Honestly I feel more upset losing my connection to Jenica can I do Elizabeth. With Jeni knew where she stood and I knew without question she loved me and she thought I was handsome and told me to my face something I’ve never experienced before. Just simple adoration it’s something I am not a custom too yet I crave. Like in the way you crave chocolate
Edited 26 seconds later | Honestly I feel more upset losing my connection to Jenica can I do Elizabeth. With Jenica I knew where she stood and I knew without question she loved me and she thought I was handsome and told me to my face something I’ve never experienced before. Just simple adoration it’s something I am not a custom too yet I crave. Like in the way you crave chocolate

Sep 09, 2024 10:10:13 PM Me

| A sidenote. I’d like to ask Elizabeth why I should abide by anything she wants when she’s knowingly sad on her hands while I’ve been homeless and struggling. Like to ask her where her humanity and compassion is an empathy. But I’d also like to say that I’m not surprised because I never saw it her
Edited 32 seconds later | A sidenote. I’d like to ask Elizabeth why I should abide by anything she wants when she’s knowingly sad on her hands while I’ve been homeless and struggling. Like to ask her where her humanity and compassion is an empathy. But I’d also like to say that I’m not surprised because I never saw it diring the marriage

Sep 10, 2024 12:28:49 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I would also like to ask Elizabeth if her father would have let her mother go homeless after divorce? I mean its a legitamate question in my mind because NO he wouldn’t. I want her to see the hypocrisy she lives. I want to call her out on that AND in front of the boys. Shes dishonorable, callous, and spiteful and stoic. She “phoned in” her couples therapy sessions with me. I’m NOT going to send all this to LIZ, I’m going to send JOANNA the fucking tell all. All the dirty little fucking details Elizabeth left out of her story she sold Joanna. Joanna had the gall to say to me… “Elizabeth could have had anyone, she could have married anyone” when she picked me up from the airport when I came back from colorado.

Sep 10, 2024 8:23:16 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t contact Joanna.

Sep 10, 2024 8:23:49 AM ⇲ +13038752587

That last part is a compliment btw she picked you.

Sep 10, 2024 12:30:21 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I am going to send Joanna a list of FACTS about living with elizabeth. Cite specific examples of her lies, her ghosting. Joanna needs the “Golden Child” image she has of Liz fucking SHATTERED into a million fucking pieces. So dishonorable, and deceitful by not telling the whole story.

Sep 10, 2024 8:24:57 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Joanna will not be swayed in her loyalty. Please do not be in contact with her. It will just add unnecessary tension to the divorce.

Sep 10, 2024 12:30:32 AM Me

You know who does that kind of shit?

Sep 10, 2024 12:33:06 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

| — was going to send this to Liz jus now, had it in her queue: If you haven’t told Joanna the whole story, now is your chance. I’ll be sharing my version of events with her. Including your years of emwtihnal and psychological abuse manipulating me wtih sex for YEARS, my dear.
Edited 3 minutes, 40 seconds later | — was going to send this to Liz jus now, had it in her queue: — What would your father think of you and your actions? Dishonorable is my guess. I have the audio of your father’s speech on our wedding day. I wanted to share it with you on our anniversary but you brushed me off — we never watched it, but I have it all on DVD. Had it converted at Costco. I bet you would love to hear what he had to say on your wedding day, considering at this point he was divorced from your mother. And… If you haven’t told Joanna the whole story, now is your chance. I’ll be sharing my version of events with her. Including your years of emotional and psychological abuse manipulating me wtih sex for YEARS, my dear. And after all the sacrifice to get you to Kona.

Sep 10, 2024 8:26:06 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t send any to Liz

Sep 10, 2024 8:26:47 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Stop antagonizing the situation It will come back and bite you

Sep 10, 2024 12:36:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

New name. The Kona Kunt

Sep 10, 2024 12:40:06 AM Me

Call her a prude is being generous beyond belief

Sep 10, 2024 12:44:22 AM Me

I have so much to say

Sep 10, 2024 12:44:25 AM Me

Spotify

Sep 10, 2024 12:44:49 AM Me

Just sent her this song only. We have a dave mathews connection

Sep 10, 2024 8:28:40 AM ⇲ +13038752587

LAST TIME - STOP SENDING ELIZABETH TEXT MESSAGES!!

Sep 10, 2024 8:29:54 AM ⇲ +13038752587

You are creating a folder of evidence that can be used against you in divorce.

Sep 10, 2024 8:41:07 AM ⇲ Me

GM.

Sep 10, 2024 8:42:15 AM ⇲ Me

Creating a folder of irrefutable facts. All the bits she cut out to make her look like the victim (which is bullshit)

Sep 10, 2024 8:44:36 AM ⇲ Me

its her problem she cant deal with her uncomfortable behavior No one has EVER SPOKEN UP OR OUT AGAINST HER!?!? why is it when men cry foul its crickets? Or shut up?

Sep 10, 2024 8:45:14 AM ⇲ Me

Anyhow I texted so much yesterday and I had a lot of questions. I’m sitting up in Ojai until 9 AM I’m on a DoorDash since 5:30 AM this morning it’s 7:45 and I’ve delivered zero things

Sep 10, 2024 8:46:02 AM ⇲ Me

Tonight is first night of dart league singles I play the number two guy in the area, Tim the Rastafarian from England

Sep 10, 2024 8:47:29 AM ⇲ Me

Have you had a chance to look at my new homepage?

Sep 10, 2024 8:49:23 AM ⇲ Me

And did you see my questions about emailing Jenica?

Sep 10, 2024 8:59:35 AM ⇲ Me

Btw shes feeling “ threatened“ by my words. I’m feeling suicidal because of her actions. I think I win that arm wrestling fight And I think there’s nothing wrong with me saying to her in response well you and your actions make me suicidal. It’s a fact and it’s the fucking truth and she needs to hear it. She needs to hear everything. That’s part of her choice is that she now has to put up with the shit that comes with her choice and that is me never shutting the fuck up for the rest of my life about how I was treated by her

Sep 10, 2024 8:59:59 AM ⇲ Me

Her problem is she’s uncomfortable with me opening my mouth and speaking up. Total fact every time I open my mouth and that relationship she would get frustrated and shut down

Sep 10, 2024 9:00:18 AM ⇲ Me

She simply frightened at an empowered Bert

Sep 10, 2024 9:00:38 AM ⇲ Me

She’s used to mouse Bert who sits in the fucking corner and doesn’t say shit when he’s getting a fucking dildo stuffed up his ass with no lube

Sep 10, 2024 9:01:28 AM ⇲ Me

I’m entitled to being angry and I’m entitled to express myself however the fuck I want because I have a first amendment right and I don’t give a shit what she thinks she can suck my fucking dick, which she did a total of three times in 30 years

Sep 10, 2024 9:01:58 AM ⇲ Me

Those are the kind of things she doesn’t want people to know and I do want people to know and I’m happy to tell them all about my sex life with Elizabeth

Sep 10, 2024 9:02:23 AM ⇲ Me

Or should I say the barren wasteland of sex

Sep 10, 2024 9:59:56 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 48 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It’s how you say what you say. The judge decides if it goes in front of a judge. Grace is your friend. Don’t not communicate with her beyond communications about divorce and/or boys

Sep 10, 2024 10:02:57 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Be careful with blaming others for your thoughts and actions. It makes you a victim and takes away your power to choose.

Sep 10, 2024 10:06:17 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 27 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I not asking you to repress your feelings. Think about how you’re expressing them. Find another outlet right now, then communicating to Liz.

Sep 10, 2024 10:08:10 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I worry that your messages will be used against you if she has a lawyer.

Sep 10, 2024 10:08:53 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

And if anyone can spin words to have different meanings it’s a lawyer

Sep 10, 2024 12:50:31 AM Me

I need an outlet for this If i cant say it to her Im making Art and its going on instagram. — Think Warhol… Chastity Belt image repeated “Works wonders in keeping husband doing my bidding” —- Lots of ghosting art —- Lots of depression triggered by the person who u thought loved you

Sep 10, 2024 12:52:13 AM Me

It was courteous of me to mive out I could’ve been a prick and made her go through the headache of paperwork to get me forced out of the house and create a fucking scene. I should’ve done that instead look what I get for my fucking courteousness to her bunch of fucking stoic language that’s heartless and cuntful.

Sep 10, 2024 12:52:25 AM Me

So fucked over by her.

Sep 10, 2024 12:52:45 AM Me

And I’m simply going to make sure that she never ever forgets it as long as I’m breathing

Sep 10, 2024 12:54:12 AM Me

Like taking an image of a woman pegging a man up the ass and I’ll cut out her head and put it on the woman pegging the man up the ass and I’ll put my picture on that Or better yet. I’ll use Bert‘s head from Bert and Ernie, and on the woman I’ll put a horse head like the Godfather and she fucking rides them. If I put an image out like that you tell me people that know me aren’t gonna know what the fuck that means .

Sep 10, 2024 12:54:48 AM (Read by them after 27 seconds) Me

Sep 10, 2024 12:57:07 AM Me

Im so goddam excited to do this. My first amendment right of self expression and part of the healing process of being mentally tortured by her like i am NOW BEING FUCKING HOMELESS

Sep 10, 2024 12:57:23 AM Me

She should be paying for a fucking apartment right now and should have from the day I fucking moved out

Sep 10, 2024 12:57:54 AM Me

I mean the goddamn woman tortured me for years with holding sex and she still torturing me by having to live like this and I can’t move the fuck on

Sep 10, 2024 12:58:48 AM Me

Do you see how it’s like I’ve had a peg up my ass from her since like 2016. I’m finally done being quiet about this and I’m sorry if she’s uncomfortable or feel scared I have every right to express my feelings and I’m not gonna fucking tiptoe around the tulips for her fuck That if she doesn’t like my language or my emphasis in tone fuck it

Sep 10, 2024 8:43:20 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Tip toe for your benefit

Sep 10, 2024 1:00:11 AM Me

She can get a fucking restraining order whatever I don’t wanna get near her but she’s not gonna shut me the fuck up. I have a first amendment right to express myself and goddamnit that’s what I’m gonna do fuck her All her students from the past are going to know too because they all follow me on Instagram Again fuck her

Sep 10, 2024 1:00:34 AM Me

I told her long ago right to her face and pointed right at her and said there is going to be a day I don’t know when that will come but you are going to regret this forever

Sep 10, 2024 1:01:50 AM Me

And could you please ask her where she gets this idea that I am threatening and scaring her? I’ve never been or rather I have never threatened her in my entire existence in my entire relationship with her I have never threatened her verbally like for example “I will hit you I’ve never said anything like that I’ve never threatened physical violence have I sworn and said well fuck that yes People say that I’m not threatening her by using profanity

Sep 10, 2024 1:02:44 AM Me

She claims that she’s scared and fearful because I raise my voice and I swear that’s it When I told that to your mom and my mom when they were here, they both laughed out loud

Sep 10, 2024 1:03:10 AM Me

I think the quote was from my mom “she doesn’t know shit”

Sep 10, 2024 1:04:46 AM Me

And my mom is telling the truth because I was awake for most of it inside my room shitting my pants in my PJs. And Elizabeth thinks that I can somehow commit violence against a woman any woman especially my wife? After I watched listened and had to be terrorized by my father my mother throwing shit at her breaking things. How in the fuck am I going to be violent towards my wife I can’t do that I am poor so I don’t know where the fuck she gets this idea that I’m going to hurt her. It is just bat shit crazy. It’s smacks of the me two bullshit

Sep 10, 2024 1:05:24 AM Me

I have DoorDash at 5:30 AM up here in Ojai wish me luck

Sep 10, 2024 1:08:36 AM Me

I’m just sick of not being listened to by her, and her buckets of fucking disrespect. Her oldest son has that penchant as well One day that kids gonna wake up to the truth and he’s going to see his mother very differently

Sep 10, 2024 8:23:16 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t contact Joanna.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:23:49 AM ⇱ +13038752587

That last part is a compliment btw she picked you.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:24:57 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Joanna will not be swayed in her loyalty. Please do not be in contact with her. It will just add unnecessary tension to the divorce.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:26:06 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t send any to Liz
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:26:47 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Stop antagonizing the situation It will come back and bite you
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:28:40 AM ⇱ +13038752587

LAST TIME - STOP SENDING ELIZABETH TEXT MESSAGES!!
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:29:54 AM ⇱ +13038752587

You are creating a folder of evidence that can be used against you in divorce.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:41:07 AM ⇱ Me

GM.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:42:15 AM ⇱ Me

Creating a folder of irrefutable facts. All the bits she cut out to make her look like the victim (which is bullshit)
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:43:20 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Tip toe for your benefit
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:44:36 AM ⇱ Me

its her problem she cant deal with her uncomfortable behavior No one has EVER SPOKEN UP OR OUT AGAINST HER!?!? why is it when men cry foul its crickets? Or shut up?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:45:14 AM ⇱ Me

Anyhow I texted so much yesterday and I had a lot of questions. I’m sitting up in Ojai until 9 AM I’m on a DoorDash since 5:30 AM this morning it’s 7:45 and I’ve delivered zero things
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:46:02 AM ⇱ Me

Tonight is first night of dart league singles I play the number two guy in the area, Tim the Rastafarian from England
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:47:29 AM ⇱ Me

Have you had a chance to look at my new homepage?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:49:22 AM +13038752587

You can feel anger. You can’t direct it at Liz in a direct manner right now. Find another way to vent. Like here or a journal. Capisce?

Sep 10, 2024 8:49:23 AM ⇱ Me

And did you see my questions about emailing Jenica?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:50:17 AM +13038752587

Again, let it go for now. Go get your shit together first. Action speaks louder than words

Sep 10, 2024 8:50:44 AM +13038752587

Home page looks good - one suggestion I’ll email in a bit

Sep 10, 2024 8:50:51 AM +13038752587

Girls home sick today

Sep 10, 2024 8:59:35 AM ⇱ Me

Btw shes feeling “ threatened“ by my words. I’m feeling suicidal because of her actions. I think I win that arm wrestling fight And I think there’s nothing wrong with me saying to her in response well you and your actions make me suicidal. It’s a fact and it’s the fucking truth and she needs to hear it. She needs to hear everything. That’s part of her choice is that she now has to put up with the shit that comes with her choice and that is me never shutting the fuck up for the rest of my life about how I was treated by her
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 8:59:59 AM ⇱ Me

Her problem is she’s uncomfortable with me opening my mouth and speaking up. Total fact every time I open my mouth and that relationship she would get frustrated and shut down
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 9:00:18 AM ⇱ Me

She simply frightened at an empowered Bert
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 9:00:38 AM ⇱ Me

She’s used to mouse Bert who sits in the fucking corner and doesn’t say shit when he’s getting a fucking dildo stuffed up his ass with no lube
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 9:01:28 AM ⇱ Me

I’m entitled to being angry and I’m entitled to express myself however the fuck I want because I have a first amendment right and I don’t give a shit what she thinks she can suck my fucking dick, which she did a total of three times in 30 years
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 9:01:58 AM ⇱ Me

Those are the kind of things she doesn’t want people to know and I do want people to know and I’m happy to tell them all about my sex life with Elizabeth
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 9:02:23 AM ⇱ Me

Or should I say the barren wasteland of sex
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 9:02:52 AM Me

I married the wrong fucking woman

Sep 10, 2024 9:03:20 AM Me

I actually regret the last 15 years of my life

Sep 10, 2024 9:22:19 AM Me

Why another day? I dont want this existence 18 miserable hours and 6 unconsciyos, now repeat for 600 days

Sep 10, 2024 9:25:44 AM Me

Realizing I’ve never felt truly content. I’ve never been at peace I’ve never felt real satisfaction because there’s always a worry right behind once something is done there’s no time to bathe in anything new if anything it’s time to get the fuck on OK I’m gonna go talk to myself for the rest of the day because that’s what I do. Maybe that’s why I am sound like I’m going crazy cause I literally talk to myself all day I don’t have people to talk to so there you go

Sep 10, 2024 9:26:56 AM Me

I wonder what it would be like to have a normal brain or a Neuro typical brain like the people I see walking around yawning like still asleep.

Sep 10, 2024 9:27:18 AM Me

Anyway I’ll go start talking to myself and leave you alone

Sep 10, 2024 9:27:28 AM Me

It’ll be a great day when this is over

Sep 10, 2024 9:59:56 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 48 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It’s how you say what you say. The judge decides if it goes in front of a judge. Grace is your friend. Don’t not communicate with her beyond communications about divorce and/or boys
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:02:57 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Be careful with blaming others for your thoughts and actions. It makes you a victim and takes away your power to choose.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:06:17 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 27 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I not asking you to repress your feelings. Think about how you’re expressing them. Find another outlet right now, then communicating to Liz.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:08:10 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I worry that your messages will be used against you if she has a lawyer.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:08:53 AM (Read by you after 51 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

And if anyone can spin words to have different meanings it’s a lawyer
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:12:20 AM Me

I’m done DoorDash in Ojai I’m on my way to Ventura

Sep 10, 2024 10:12:31 AM Me

I’m having a lot of suicidal ideation today just want you to know

Sep 10, 2024 10:12:55 AM Me

I just can’t take this anymore

Sep 10, 2024 10:13:53 AM Me

My head right now I feel an incredible amount of pressure inside my head like it’s gonna fucking explode. I can’t do this stress anymore I can’t do this every day anymore

Sep 10, 2024 10:14:57 AM Me

I’m driving the car right now so that’s an option I forgot all about it. I go head on into one of those gigantic fucking dump trucks that thing won’t get a scratch on it and I’ll turn into a fucking bug on the windshield. I imagine the faster I go the less I’ll feel

Sep 10, 2024 10:15:39 AM Me

Instead of me sitting here with everything in my fucking lap and having to deal with it I’m gonna check the fuck out and then Liz can have it all in her fucking lap and she can explain to the boys why her father why their father killed himself because she was a Cunt

Sep 10, 2024 10:25:25 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

She is not and will not be the cause of your choice. Don’t be fooled by the depression. It may have fueled the depression monster 👿. But it’s not the cause

Sep 10, 2024 10:25:56 AM ⇲ Me

She’s the trigger

Sep 10, 2024 10:16:14 AM Me

Seriously fuck everything everything fucking go to hell

Sep 10, 2024 10:16:33 AM Me

I don’t know why I didn’t think of a car sooner

Sep 10, 2024 10:19:15 AM Me

I don’t care the cell phone bill is due I don’t care that I don’t have car insurance I don’t care that my car payment is due I don’t care, I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care. I would actually take pleasure and committing suicide and then watching Elizabeth have to fucking cope with that the rest of her life especially when I leave a note behind that says I did it because of her and she drove me to it. And I’ll make sure everybody gets a copy

Sep 10, 2024 10:19:44 AM Me

Like I’ve had my whole fucking life destroyed I have a goddamn right to be fucking angry as hell and everybody can suck my dick

Sep 10, 2024 10:19:58 AM Me

And I don’t care I’ll tell people suck my dick right to their face they can fuck off

Sep 10, 2024 10:22:39 AM Me

I’m done shutting my mouth I’m done holding back. And I don’t care if she doesn’t like it too fucking bad I didn’t like being manipulated for 15 years

Sep 10, 2024 10:22:57 AM Me

Dish dish shit you got a fucking take it sunshine

Sep 10, 2024 10:25:23 AM Me

When it comes right down to it I wanna see her fucking suffer. She should suffer as hard as I have going through this. And I don’t think she has

Sep 10, 2024 10:25:25 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

She is not and will not be the cause of your choice. Don’t be fooled by the depression. It may have fueled the depression monster 👿. But it’s not the cause
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:25:40 AM Me

And besides I’ll fucking terrorize her after the judges decision especially if things aren’t equitable then I’ll really fucking annoy her

Sep 10, 2024 10:25:56 AM ⇱ Me

She’s the trigger
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:26:08 AM Me

And her weak ass actions and decisions

Sep 10, 2024 10:26:42 AM Me

Dude she phoned in her effort on couples counseling. She sat there Stoic is fucking hell and said about three words anytime she was asked something. She gave no fucking tries healing so fuck her

Sep 10, 2024 10:27:01 AM Me

This is called consequences and she’s gonna fucking deal with them

Sep 10, 2024 10:29:30 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Consequences are - divorce, 50% of assets and having to reconcile her part in everything

Sep 10, 2024 10:31:02 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Your choice to end your life is not one of the consequences she will deal with beyond telling herself and others that the depression won.

Sep 10, 2024 10:27:24 AM Me

That’s the thing about people like me I will take a bullet for you or I’ll stick a knife right in your fucking throat

Sep 10, 2024 10:27:47 AM Me

To me she’s a fucking uterus now the uterus that gave birth to the children

Sep 10, 2024 10:28:15 AM Me

And I’m not kidding if I go to the boys weddings and I get the microphone I am going to tell the crowd it’s lucky we’re here today because Liz has sex so infrequently we’re lucky the boys are here alive

Sep 10, 2024 10:28:46 AM Me

Then I’ll put the Mike down I’ll look at her a smile and then I’ll give her the big fucking finger and then I’ll blow her a kiss

Sep 10, 2024 10:29:21 AM Me

She abandoned me when I needed her the most she can fuck off

Sep 10, 2024 10:29:30 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Consequences are - divorce, 50% of assets and having to reconcile her part in everything
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:29:51 AM Me

She’s going to reconcile her pardon everything what are you talking about? She’s not doing any of that

Sep 10, 2024 10:30:04 AM Me

You think she’s gonna own this? She’s gonna admit that she was at fault in anyway?

Sep 10, 2024 10:30:21 AM Me

Dude you better wait for fucking icebergs in the Sahara that ain’t happening

Sep 10, 2024 10:30:46 AM Me

She has laid this entirely at my feet

Sep 10, 2024 10:31:02 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Your choice to end your life is not one of the consequences she will deal with beyond telling herself and others that the depression won.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 10, 2024 10:31:30 AM Me

But she still can’t explain my birthday card written in May telling me how amazing a husband I am and how I put up with her shit and then two months later she wants a divorce how did I go from that to being evil and physically threatening? No fucking idea.

Sep 10, 2024 10:32:17 AM Me

She can explain it to me there is no fucking history of violence in our relationship at all Agaian AT ALL

Sep 10, 2024 10:32:40 AM Me

That’s why I think a judge would laugh her fucking ass out of court if I told them every fucking detailed what happened in that bedroom that night The judge would turn to her and say you shouldn’t have been such a fucking prude

Sep 10, 2024 10:32:42 AM +13038752587

Have to focus on girls

Sep 10, 2024 10:32:53 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Text away / I’ll read later

Sep 10, 2024 10:33:07 AM Me

She didn’t like being submissive That is exactly at the core

Sep 10, 2024 10:34:13 AM Me

I don’t wanna text anymore it’s makes me more angry

Sep 10, 2024 10:34:26 AM Me

I just wanna go away and never come back that’s my goal

Sep 10, 2024 10:35:39 AM Me

Did 3 1/2 hours of DoorDash Ing this morning and got zero deliveries I made zero money. And I don’t have any money for charging eating or anything

Sep 10, 2024 10:36:27 AM Me

I have to get back up to Ojai tomorrow for DoorDash but don’t know if I’ll have enough battery to do that so this is probably maybe today’s the end all I know is when it comes I’m gone. If I fall any farther I’m checking out I can’t deal with it

Sep 10, 2024 10:38:11 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

See if there are any pickup times in Ventura

Sep 10, 2024 10:38:25 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Go apply at Domino’s and Pizza Hut

Sep 10, 2024 10:38:36 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Today!

Sep 10, 2024 10:51:31 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Just read email and response I will add notes to it this afternoon.

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Sep 10, 2024 10:56:39 AM Me

i know theres venting in there

Sep 10, 2024 10:56:49 AM Me

Also go here

Sep 10, 2024 10:57:13 AM Me

Bert Mahoney — I design reasoned solutions to complex ideas

Sep 10, 2024 10:58:57 AM Me

Oh, cloud space??

Sep 10, 2024 11:20:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have an idea — instead of blasting your text with my rants. I’m going to record audio/video on my phone to capture it. Wont pollute you but I still feel somethings taking note ( Like a text message )

Sep 10, 2024 11:46:33 AM Me

— OK, 2 things 1. cloud storage access 2. Insurance Claim. They say I have a balance of $199 (I do) and they cant process the claim until account is brought current. — Today’s piano from the sky

Sep 10, 2024 11:46:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So I have under $5 to my name. Apps in everywhere and nothing doing…

Sep 10, 2024 11:55:56 AM Me

signing up for online user studies. $150 - $250 a pop for 60-90 mins

Sep 10, 2024 12:20:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Applied to 5 online User Studies.

Sep 10, 2024 12:21:22 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Follow up with local business call them after lunch rush - around 2

Sep 10, 2024 12:25:53 PM Me

FastSigns

Sep 10, 2024 12:49:17 PM Me

Thats me

Sep 10, 2024 1:17:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sign up:

Sep 10, 2024 1:18:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Notion

Sep 10, 2024 1:19:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you will love notion. If my ass ever ends up out there, I’ll make you jealous when you see how much shit I can see at once that’s all moving in different directions. Literally track anything and everything _ + AI + Automations and killer API

Sep 10, 2024 4:23:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hey, I need to try ketamine. I can’t keep fighting myself everyday to get anything done. Let alone feel like shit about myself, which getting nothing done is fuel to the fire of worthlessness

Sep 10, 2024 4:24:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

50% of my day is spent dealing with neurodivergence

Sep 10, 2024 4:24:13 PM Me

Frustrating, unproductive, depressing

Sep 10, 2024 4:26:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Think about it. I have NO IDEA what its like to NOT be depressed. I dont know what that experience is like. As far back as I can remember its anxiety which goes hand in hand with depression for me. Why else would I stand with a serated 12 inch knife pushing into my stomach with handle against edge of kitchen sink. I told myself. Just take one step forward FAST. I was 16, I tried to do it, but something stopped me. I had no idea why I was doing that. All I knew is I felt bad and didnt want to be alive. Didnt tell anyone

Sep 10, 2024 4:27:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

whole life has been a pendulum swing from anxiety to depression and back again.

Sep 10, 2024 4:28:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

It will feel foreign to me likely Like I have nothing on my mind — my mind is occupied 24/7/365 except during meditation.

Sep 10, 2024 6:10:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Confirming tomorrow morning meeting with Sam. He responded this afternoon and wants to connect tomorrow am. Going to cancel on groupx so I can have this open. Besides I have dashing in Ojai all morning tomorrow.

Sep 10, 2024 6:38:32 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 9 seconds) Me

Applied to Starbucks shift supervisor 25-30 hr

Sep 10, 2024 6:38:58 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 43 seconds) Me

k, enough time online for now. Going to take a break until sunset then head up to ojai when its dark.

Sep 10, 2024 6:40:30 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

looking out for sams contact back to me

Sep 10, 2024 8:25:00 PM Me

No money today. Have 1.50 on doordash card, 1.72 on Venmo. already had my East Coast people help me pay my storage fee so I can have my insurance claim processed Mmm…

Sep 10, 2024 8:25:48 PM Me

Feeling defeated

Sep 10, 2024 8:29:08 PM Me

Wont eat unless I make money tomorrow morning. Same for charging. No money Applied to Starbucks, and a bunch of roles at companies. If i can get to Ventura tomorrow Ill go to FastSigns

Sep 10, 2024 8:31:19 PM Me

Loneliness hurts deeply when it runs this long Its made me bitter

Sep 10, 2024 9:13:14 PM Me

| I just tried to buy groceries and couldn’t period really embarrassing having to leave groceries in front of the cashier and walk out out of the store empty-handed
Edited 36 seconds later | I just tried to buy groceries and couldn’t really embarrassing having to leave groceries in front of the cashier and walk out out of the store empty-handed

Sep 10, 2024 9:14:03 PM Me

No dinner, nothing

Sep 10, 2024 9:14:21 PM Me

And people wonder why I get upset with Elizabeth I don’t have any fucking food

Sep 10, 2024 9:14:35 PM Me

Meanwhile that Cunt gets whatever the fuck she wants

Sep 10, 2024 9:15:08 PM Me

The one time she didn’t get her way in our relationship she wants a fucking divorce there you go

Sep 10, 2024 9:16:09 PM Me

I’m going to park in the park right now with my stomach grumbling and I’m gonna try to go to sleep And you wonder why I don’t have a fucking Rosie outlook on life

Sep 10, 2024 9:17:11 PM Me

The angry brain I wake up in is already here tonight

Sep 10, 2024 9:17:23 PM Me

I’m just so fucking angry right now I could I could literally fucking kill someone

Sep 10, 2024 9:17:35 PM Me

Least then I’d have a roof over my head and food

Sep 10, 2024 9:17:48 PM Me

No freedom but I don’t have much of that anyway so what the fuck

Sep 10, 2024 9:18:47 PM Me

I definitely would rather be dead right now 100% sure

Sep 10, 2024 9:19:07 PM Me

And I get to close my eyes open them back up and be right the fuck back here to do another episode of fucking Groundhog Day

Sep 10, 2024 9:19:31 PM Me

Except I’m not eating. I’ve already lost 10 or 15 pounds

Sep 10, 2024 9:19:45 PM Me

I’m like 172 I haven’t been this skinny since my 20s

Sep 10, 2024 9:20:06 PM Me

It’s because I don’t have enough food to eat I’m basicallymalnourished

Sep 10, 2024 9:20:44 PM Me

But you know Liz gets what she wants doesn’t matter that Bert’s homeless doesn’t have a job doesn’t have money doesn’t have food and is now fucking malnourished And Liz wants me to be calm and civil fuck her

Sep 10, 2024 9:20:58 PM Me

Let me see her do 18 months of live in the fucking car living on 10 bucks or less a day Cunt

Sep 10, 2024 9:21:34 PM Me

A uterus and a Cunt

Sep 10, 2024 9:22:14 PM Me

Maybe I’ll just walk up to the house at Thacher and go into the kitchen and grab the big fucking long knife and just slit my throat right in front of Elizabeth That oughta make the point

Sep 10, 2024 9:23:34 PM Me

It’s not normal to think about killing yourself every day and I’ve been doing that for over a year dude it’s just not fucking normal

Sep 10, 2024 9:24:11 PM Me

It’s always there it’s just some days it’s really bad and hard to control

Sep 10, 2024 9:24:37 PM Me

Remember what I said I don’t know what it’s like to not feel depression your whole life

Sep 10, 2024 9:25:24 PM Me

How fucking sad is that 55 years of this I wish someone would fucking understand me.

Sep 10, 2024 9:25:45 PM Me

I don’t even know if there’s a fucking another soul among these billions of people that’s in the same boat as me but I don’t fucking care I just want this over

Sep 10, 2024 9:28:05 PM Me

I mean I’m just gonna start posting shit on Instagram like I don’t wanna live anymore I think about suicide every day I’ve never been not depressed and so on It’s gonna be disturbing shit

Sep 10, 2024 9:28:23 PM Me

I need to do this. It’s like mind of an ex

Sep 10, 2024 9:30:36 PM Me

I’m serious I’m really fucking serious Either this situation I’m in ends soon or I end soon. simple

Sep 10, 2024 9:31:19 PM Me

Thing is I have no control over either one. Because if I really am gonna go through with it I’ll be in a state of mind that will not stop

Sep 10, 2024 9:32:55 PM Me

it’s the thing I lacked the four times I’ve tried. However tapping into the shadow, my shadow I’ve gotten to known this part of me that is incredibly strong-willed and will take no shit from anyone and doesn’t care who the fuck they are.

Sep 10, 2024 9:33:47 PM Me

And I gotta say the more I flex this part of me I really fucking like it. I kinda like telling people to fuck off. My whole life I’ve bit my tongue and I’m not doing that anymore people can suck my dick that don’t like it. And my dick needs some sucking bitch

Sep 10, 2024 9:34:17 PM Me

Angry art

Sep 10, 2024 11:44:18 PM Me

Watch this. He speaks my truth. Listen to someone other than me explain these feelings and thoughts. I want to share this with my parents and brother. But i dont want them to worry. Liz should see this. You should send it.

Sep 10, 2024 11:44:22 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 11, 2024 8:36:43 AM Me

Awake for another day of not wanting to be here

Sep 11, 2024 8:37:37 AM Me

No food no money. And 40 miles on my battery. Today might be the day

Sep 11, 2024 8:44:53 AM Me

| Passive SI in less than an hour of being awake. Today sucks and I’ve been awake for one hour
Edited 21 seconds later | Passive SI in less than an hour of being awake. Today sucks already

Sep 11, 2024 9:11:31 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

It might be the day of a massive breakthrough. Find the light in the day.

Sep 11, 2024 9:12:00 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

At hotel pretty much all day

Sep 11, 2024 9:12:36 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes) +13038752587

Follow-up with Sam this morning.

Sep 11, 2024 9:17:17 AM Me

I have to be at storage all day for them to fix the pipe. I don’t think today’s the day

Sep 11, 2024 9:18:04 AM Me

Having to miss the group x meeting and I followed up with Sam twice yesterday I’ve already checked again this morning and he hasn’t replied I’m not gonna bug him again this morning because that just smacks a fucking desperation even though I am desperate

Sep 11, 2024 9:18:25 AM Me

I don’t feel right today. Something feels very different to me in my brain I’m really fucking scared

Sep 11, 2024 9:20:35 AM Me

Stomach growling like a fucking bitch And I feel like I’m gonna puke. I have a headache I’m dizzy and just don’t feel well at all

Sep 11, 2024 9:20:59 AM Me

But I’ll just keep fucking pushing like I do every day I’m just driving myself into the fucking ground

Sep 11, 2024 9:21:44 AM Me

Not even a quarter mile from me is the turn to Lake Casitas and I know I could go over there and drive my car off the fucking cliff I almost did it in 2014 driving to work at that fucking insurance company I’m sure you remember me and how fucking happy I was back then

Sep 11, 2024 9:22:25 AM Me

If I could click a button on a screen or just smack a button and just have this all be over I would do it right now

Sep 11, 2024 9:22:29 AM Me

Gone

Sep 11, 2024 9:27:13 AM Me

If you don’t hear from me the rest of today today. You know why

Sep 11, 2024 9:28:56 AM Me

3 hours of dashing done $0

Sep 11, 2024 9:29:20 AM Me

End of rope

Sep 11, 2024 9:29:41 AM Me

Thanks for being there for me

Sep 11, 2024 9:34:42 AM Me

Closed accts, write offs and more to come

Sep 11, 2024 9:45:20 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 14 seconds) +13038752587

No more dashing oppty to today?

Sep 11, 2024 9:47:06 AM ⇲ Me

Unless theres a busy time up here in Ojai no

Sep 11, 2024 9:47:41 AM ⇲ Me

I have I have to be at my storage unit today so they can cut the pipe so I sit here at storage while they need the door open to my unit

Sep 11, 2024 9:45:21 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 11, 2024 9:47:06 AM ⇱ Me

Unless theres a busy time up here in Ojai no
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 11, 2024 9:47:41 AM ⇱ Me

I have I have to be at my storage unit today so they can cut the pipe so I sit here at storage while they need the door open to my unit
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 11, 2024 9:48:29 AM Me

I need a charge so I can go pick up Declan he was gonna help me clean out my storage unit today and try to throw shit away but I don’t think that’s gonna happen today I’m just not up for it I’d rather be dead honestly

Sep 11, 2024 9:48:49 AM Me

I have this perpetual crying thing going on I can’t stop crying

Sep 11, 2024 9:49:14 AM Me

It’s like having a runny nose but it’s tears you can’t control it it just keeps happening

Sep 11, 2024 9:50:52 AM Me

I’m walking around with “I don’t wanna be here, I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna be here, I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna be here, I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna be here, I don’t wanna do this Make it stop”

Sep 11, 2024 9:51:47 AM Me

Wish i had a gun

Sep 11, 2024 9:52:13 AM Me

Just I’m just so over all of this it’s just I’m done I’m just fucking done with everything

Sep 11, 2024 10:52:57 AM Me

Had to turn this delivery down. Not enough battery Dude.

Sep 11, 2024 10:53:14 AM Me

That would have made my day

Sep 11, 2024 10:53:18 AM Me

😭😭😭

Sep 11, 2024 10:53:24 AM Me

😭😭😭

Sep 11, 2024 10:53:27 AM Me

😭😭😭

Sep 11, 2024 10:53:30 AM Me

😭😭😭

Sep 11, 2024 10:54:07 AM Me

I so wanted that delivery

Sep 11, 2024 10:54:43 AM Me

I'm going to check out I can't do this emotional rollercoaster everyday

Sep 11, 2024 10:56:19 AM Me

I’m just simply tired of this existence I don’t know how many fucking times I gotta say it

Sep 11, 2024 10:56:50 AM Me

I’m the kid stuck on top of the Ferris wheel who they won’t let off and he decides to just jump jump from the top of the fucking Ferris wheel I’ve just had it

Sep 11, 2024 10:57:45 AM Me

I mean the next step for me is like getting a job at Walmart or like you said Dominos or whatever and yeah just feeling fucking as worthless as I have for the past couple of years and guess what I’m not doing that I’m gonna check out because I have that choice and I’m just done with dealing with the same shit every day

Sep 11, 2024 10:57:57 AM Me

Liz has her freedom to choose whatever the fuck she wants and so do I

Sep 11, 2024 10:58:21 AM Me

I want what I want I don’t care what other people want and me just being around here suffering just so other people can have a nice life too fucking bad

Sep 11, 2024 11:07:50 AM Me

I'm simply done I walk around disassociated every day numb to living. I'm surviving (barely) and not living, not thriving ( don't know if Ive ever had that )

Sep 11, 2024 11:08:21 AM Me

Tmobiles calling, they want money I don't have

Sep 11, 2024 11:24:13 AM Me

Hey at least I tried. This wasn't meant to be Nothing shifting or getting better I have had enough of this This was liz’e choice, not mine She’s responsible for this When I figure out where someone can find me I’ll let you know Then, peace out

Sep 11, 2024 11:26:53 AM Me

No coffee food or charge This IS THE END

Sep 11, 2024 11:27:55 AM Me

I SIMPLY LOST AT LIFE

Sep 11, 2024 11:28:15 AM Me

I don’t ever wanna come back and have a human experience ever again fucking hate this

Sep 11, 2024 11:29:14 AM Me

I’m sitting parked behind a gas station staring at the fucking ground and can’t stop I’m in a fucking dissociated mindset and I can’t fucking shake it. I just wanna die I want to be dead I don’t want to be here

Sep 11, 2024 11:29:53 AM Me

I look forward and I just see more MISERY why the fuck do I wanna stay for that???

Sep 11, 2024 11:39:48 AM Me

I'm just a mess

Sep 11, 2024 11:46:24 AM Me

Want to go to Ventura but no battery And no food or coffee Feel awful

Sep 11, 2024 11:54:56 AM Me

Reached out to Sam and have not heard back. I see that he’s online on LinkedIn and even though I reached out to him there he hasn’t gotten back so yeah there’s that’s that. In the meantime I’m hungry need coffee and don’t have a charge and I don’t have money so I’m sitting in Ojai on the street and I guess that’s what I’m gonna do for the rest of my life I have no way to move forward

Sep 11, 2024 11:55:18 AM Me

I just can’t think anymore I can’t think straight my brain fog is off the charts

Sep 11, 2024 11:55:28 AM +13038752587

How much for full charge

Sep 11, 2024 11:55:57 AM Me

$10

Sep 11, 2024 11:56:18 AM Me

Roughly

Sep 11, 2024 11:56:45 AM Me

I've decided to stop and give up

Sep 11, 2024 11:58:11 AM Me

I just can’t wake up and do this everyday to infinity and beyond

Sep 11, 2024 12:00:26 PM Me

I have failed

Sep 11, 2024 12:01:38 PM Me

Headed over to storage to check on my unit the guys are cutting the pipe over there. I’m going to sit on the road outside of the storage place I guess. That’s where you can find my car

Sep 11, 2024 12:04:23 PM Me

I got a good mind to leave the car here and go hike into the Sespe forest and just never come back

Sep 11, 2024 12:04:37 PM Me

That feels like the best plan to me right now

Sep 11, 2024 12:05:10 PM Me

Just leave everything behind and go away. That’s how I’ve been made to feel my whole life

Sep 11, 2024 12:05:48 PM Me

Be quiet, go away

Sep 11, 2024 12:06:00 PM Me

So I’ll do what I’ve been taught

Sep 11, 2024 12:06:57 PM Me

I know I’m quiet ask my parents sometimes I don’t talk to them for over a month. Same for my brother, I’ll go months without saying a word with him, and even then it’s just texting not really talking

Sep 11, 2024 12:38:16 PM Me

I forgot until just now

Sep 11, 2024 12:38:31 PM Me

Happy Birthday
Sent with Confetti

Sep 11, 2024 12:39:09 PM Me

Hope u have a good day

Sep 11, 2024 12:57:10 PM +13038752587

I’ll can Venmo some fuel ⛽️ and food 🥘 funds

Sep 11, 2024 12:59:22 PM ⇲ Me

🙏🏽

Sep 11, 2024 12:57:48 PM +13038752587

How long does claim from storage take to go through

Sep 11, 2024 12:59:11 PM Me

Check should be in mail today.

Sep 11, 2024 12:59:22 PM ⇱ Me

🙏🏽
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 11, 2024 12:59:43 PM Me

Still at storage waiting. Stomach is doing flips

Sep 11, 2024 1:29:55 PM Me

I’m done at storage going to drive over by the charger and hang out

Sep 11, 2024 1:31:49 PM Me

Still no word from Sam

Sep 11, 2024 1:44:25 PM Me

I’m parked in the shade at the charging place. I’ve done absolutely nothing today and I’m worried

Sep 11, 2024 1:45:48 PM Me

I’m going to sleep

Sep 11, 2024 1:50:23 PM (Read by you after 28 seconds) +13038752587

Fuel up

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Sep 11, 2024 2:08:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thank you for the funds

Reactions:

Loved by +13038752587

Sep 11, 2024 3:17:47 PM Me

I'm charged. Down in Ventura Where it’s cooler temp wise. Although it’s not 120 in Ojai it’s still in the 90s and too hot to live in the car up there at that level

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Sep 11, 2024 3:33:50 PM Me

Btw do you have the cloud storage??

Sep 11, 2024 3:34:21 PM Me

Don’t know if I mentioned but the check is in the mail already from insurance company my coverage was $2000 so that’s what I get

Sep 11, 2024 3:35:03 PM Me

That could potentially help me get pay the car and get it looked at and cover any immediate things like brakes. Then I could theoretically pack up and go I just gotta pick a point in time and make it happen

Sep 11, 2024 3:36:54 PM Me

Unless you tell me to hold off which I’m fine doing If I suddenly get employed and I’m here I’ll probably gonna get an apartment here. I like it in Ventura at least for now

Sep 11, 2024 3:37:21 PM Me

I want to try to stay close to my kids, as close as possible

Sep 11, 2024 3:37:33 PM Me

But I don’t wanna live in Ojai I’m done being up there

Sep 11, 2024 3:38:00 PM Me

I want to find my version of Ojai somewhere out there in the world. People come there and are mystified I need to find that again

Sep 11, 2024 4:33:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!

Sep 11, 2024 4:34:43 PM Me

I just saw this on my phone after hanging up with Sam

Sep 11, 2024 4:35:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sitting here at Starbucks and happened to look down at my phone not knowing it was ringing…

Sep 11, 2024 4:35:22 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

It was Sam

Sep 11, 2024 4:35:54 PM Me

My heart went up into my throat. I was just in the car still in a deep funk that I’ve been it all day.

Sep 11, 2024 4:36:02 PM Me

Had to make a choice in that moment

Sep 11, 2024 4:37:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

99/100 — I send to VM, deal with it later. Family, you, my kids, I answer. But not for someone I don’t know. There is risk, there is fear. But there is also my mask & my winning formula—my swiss army knife of social skills that get me out of weird moments in conversation

Sep 11, 2024 4:38:38 PM Me

Its mask up and lets go, or go home and listen later.

Sep 11, 2024 4:40:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I decicded to answer, despite Ella scatting in the background full throated. I say hello, and then hear Sam say hello. I ask if its too loud, mention I’m in starbucks using wifi. At this point I want to put my apple wired headphones into the phone so I can hear clearly, plus the microphone is better.

Sep 11, 2024 4:42:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I ask for his patience while I unfurl the spaghetti that is my headphone cord. Old bert would be swearing at himself inside his head, saying “look at how slow you are MF” Or swearing in the head at the wire — which, as we know, always works wonders. Kept my cool, got untangled, plugged in and the conversation began full stop

Sep 11, 2024 4:46:31 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

After inital pleasantries, Sam wanted to give me the 100,000 view/story of his product, the company, his customers, his goals, where things are currently at. He’s been a one man band doing all the product dev and testing with overseas comanies and is up all night talking to them online, and then up in the day doing alot of what he needs taken off his hands so he can do other things, but still be invovled in all the strategic moves. He’s very much a startup that’s been around for years that’s poised to be successful. Currently at 35 skus of product

Sep 11, 2024 4:47:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cleaning products for bongs. Since its cleaning products and doesnt touch cannabis, the product avoids ALL the cannabis regulation—cant say just how HUGE an edge is for his biz in that industry.

Sep 11, 2024 4:49:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

He knows the industry inside-out. The players, movers, shakers. He’s very focused on high quality product for a reasonable price and finding as many people that need his product. He said “I want to run a clean business, so if sometime down the road it looks attactive to a larger group…” But then just as quickly said, I’m not looking to sell my business, I simply want to run a solid, profitable, successful company. I’m down with that.

Sep 11, 2024 4:51:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Right now its him-Sam, a woman he hired from the Denver area named Char for 3 days a week to help him with things to start. Beyond him and Char, he has and an investor he started working with late 2023.

Sep 11, 2024 4:51:58 PM Me

They’re looking to release a new product line he’s been working on for 8 mos. and getting someone on board now will help Sam go after other things. Guy does it all.

Sep 11, 2024 4:54:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I said, its going to sound cliche, but I am a digital swiss army knife. I’ve designed in eight disciplines: advertising, editorial, packacing, branding, books, marketing, software, mobile apps And in 30 industries. I can design anything. I can run ad campaigns and analytics. I can manage and maintain any type. of website and social channels. etc

Sep 11, 2024 4:54:42 PM Me

It was a really good conversation.

Sep 11, 2024 4:55:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hes checking out my site tonight, and then he said the decision will be early next week (for who he’s hiring, need to get it moving)

Sep 11, 2024 4:57:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Asked me to send him other materials I’ve designed. I told him my focus has been software past 10 years, but I ran MASSIVE marketing campaigns to MILLIONS of email addresses per week at AGIA. I told him I wrote the custom code for responsive emails because it was a new thing and there were no templates.

Sep 11, 2024 4:57:20 PM Me

I think he may be interested.

Sep 11, 2024 4:57:25 PM Me

Crossing fingers

Sep 11, 2024 5:02:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

he built his initial business to seven figures by himself fresh out of college

Sep 11, 2024 5:02:31 PM Me

This is his second go, So my guess is he’s a young man.

Sep 11, 2024 5:21:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just contacted self-help at courts to make appt for Next Step in the process. Then we wait 6 months unless Liz agrees to what I proposed (which I doubt)

Sep 11, 2024 5:35:30 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Good news with Sam!

Sep 11, 2024 5:38:55 PM Me

Yes

Sep 11, 2024 5:39:00 PM Me

Felt good

Sep 11, 2024 8:49:18 PM Me

Did you read all my notes above about my conversation with him? I spell pretty much all the big points we talked about. I am currently on my Way to Ojai. I have a DoorDash from 9:30 PM to 11. And there’s a promo bonus of three extra dollars per delivery. DoorDash does this sometimes they’ll run promos essentially get more people out to deliver because sometimes I think they get caught understaffed

Sep 11, 2024 8:50:06 PM Me

Speaking of Sam and his company. I was thinking that I have really good relationships/friendships with people at three different dispensaries here in Southern California. One of them is embark EMBARC

Sep 11, 2024 8:51:14 PM Me

Embark has about eight dispensaries all over Southern California. Into the desert down into LA Orange County etc. I know I could get the product in that chain. Reason being I know they don’t carry cleaning products for bongs or accessories of that nature. We would be the only product on the shelf in that place and That could be a good deal

Sep 11, 2024 8:59:08 PM Me

We talked a lot about business and technology. I mentioned nothing to him about my connections to local dispensaries around here and how I can get them hooked up with business. It would be fun to fly back and do marketing tours and travel to different dispensaries and do promos and handout freebies

Sep 11, 2024 11:16:48 PM Me

This is great documentary

Sep 11, 2024 11:17:12 PM Me

Watch it in chunks it has chapters but it is definitely worth watching it’s really good

Sep 11, 2024 11:17:17 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 11, 2024 11:17:37 PM Me

It’s three hours but it’s not a wasted three hours

Sep 11, 2024 11:21:49 PM Me

I think I have another hour of dashing left, but they gave me two orders were deliveries to a place that’s closed like it’s a convenience store but they closed at 10 and it sent me there at like 10 after and then 1015 so I got paid half the amount on both of them which may be seven bucks but free money

Sep 11, 2024 11:22:51 PM Me

by the way I told my mom to tell your mom to get on the rosary for me put in a favor to hook me up with this job because it would be really awesome to come out there and have this lined up and be able a few weeks of getting there get my own place. You can come help me pick it out because you know the area and I know you guys have gone and looked at a bunch of places before so you know what the deal is out there

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Sep 11, 2024 11:23:20 PM Me

remember I’ve lived in a snow globe for 25 years I don’t even know what to look for when moving into a place or what to ask is probably the better thing like does it have this utility is this included I don’t know what those are

Sep 12, 2024 9:54:22 AM Me

Sep 12, 2024 9:58:51 AM Me

I hope you have a good day today and are doing something fun. I imagine you are. You definitely deserve it for putting up with me and I just want to thank you for that. Pulling together my samples for Sam this morning and sending them on their way And crossing my fingers that this is gonna work out with Sam.

Sep 12, 2024 9:59:29 AM Me

And honestly I’m just excited about his product and company and getting my foot in the industry, I almost don’t care what I’m getting paid as long as it’s enough for an apartment and pay my bills and eat. Other than that I’m good

Sep 12, 2024 2:32:42 PM Me

A portfolio question for you. I’ve more or less followed the prevailing wisdom that your portfolio should focus precisely on what you are after I don’t disagree with that, but I feel excluding the other types of work, examples of good design in things that aren’t UX, should be included in my online portfolio. For example I have more than a half a dozen nice Logos that I’ve designed as part of branding systems. And I have less than 10 good design examples of printed materials. Stuff from Thacher and Owasco from my uncle

Sep 12, 2024 2:33:08 PM Me

Do you think it’s worth the time to put those online? My gut says yes but the sense of urgency isn’t there right now

Sep 12, 2024 3:30:39 PM Me

Please call me I left you a voicemail I have a really tough decision to make and I don’t know what to do

Sep 12, 2024 4:18:07 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Call you soon

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Sep 12, 2024 5:31:23 PM Me

Thank you for taking time out of your birthday day to talk to one of my mind fucks which honestly I got beyond all by myself so maybe next time I don’t call you and tell you what’s up I just deal with it on my own and then go from there

Sep 12, 2024 10:53:21 PM Me

Two questions. One is the email reply to Elizabeth. And two is whether or not. Fuck it I should email her. I want to email Jenica and give her an update on my situation. As I told her when we were saying goodbye that if the shoe was on the other foot I would wanna know What’s up or what happened or what did you go with your life, she’s too important to blow off in my mind. I would like to stay in touch with her forever she would allow it

Sep 12, 2024 10:56:31 PM Me

She told me she would she was never rejecting me but I feel so stiff armed by her ultimately and I think simply because she had to create a hard boundary to move on emotionally because she felt extremely attached to me. It’s still just stab me in the heart so fucking hard that I would still be with her if I just simply had a fucking job

Sep 12, 2024 10:57:04 PM Me

I end up crying and just guttef

Sep 12, 2024 10:57:51 PM Me

Gutted

Sep 12, 2024 10:58:47 PM Me

If I write a draft email to send her way I’ll share it with you too give it a look.

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Sep 12, 2024 11:01:01 PM Me

In a way for me communicating with her by email and sharing where I’m at and my feelings in a way is closure for me, I can feel good about moving on if she’s not interested in me because I will have communicated my feelings to her and that’s it that’s all I can do . I just wish I could send her the news that I have a new gig and things are gonna be OK for me but it sucks that I’ve not been able to do that. Part of the reason I’ve been a hermit is because I didn’t want to go through having my heartbroken again like I did with Jenica otherwise I would’ve still be going out to try to meet Women My hunch is Jenica probably thinks I’ve gone on and kept on dating or something. She has no idea I’ve been a hermit. It will make her sad to hear that but my depression and other mental shit gets in the way

Sep 12, 2024 11:01:59 PM Me

It’s just sad to be 55 and never felt to deep happiness and satisfaction with where I am and not feeling uneasy or that I haven’t done enough or I’m not good enough

Sep 12, 2024 11:03:33 PM Me

I know it’s clinging to stories it’s just fucking hard to let go it’s so habitual

Sep 13, 2024 8:46:44 AM Me

GM Another day with no $$

Sep 13, 2024 8:47:30 AM Me

Ate an entire box of honey nut cheerios i got for $2 for lunch and dinner

Sep 13, 2024 8:48:01 AM Me

No food no money ☹️

Sep 13, 2024 8:50:38 AM Me

No place, no purpose Why the fuck am I here? Why do I exist when I do nothing for anyone? Happy inside Fucking furious with outside of me— world can fuck off

Sep 13, 2024 8:51:05 AM Me

Woke up with headache too

Sep 13, 2024 8:51:18 AM Me

Another day of pointlessness

Sep 13, 2024 8:51:36 AM Me

😔

Sep 13, 2024 8:53:14 AM Me

Defeated and feeling very done with life and living Its been a living hell for years Why am I here again??? Oh thats right so other people can have comfortable lives and no mental issues.

Sep 13, 2024 8:54:28 AM Me

Meanwhile, AS I POINTED OUT YEARS AGO, I carry EVERYONES SUFFERING so they dont have to feel it Not sure I signed up for this

Sep 13, 2024 8:54:49 AM Me

D O N E

Sep 13, 2024 8:56:22 AM Me

Another great start to the day… I dont want to fucking be here! I lost count how many mornings I think that because its every morning now.

Sep 13, 2024 8:57:52 AM Me

Even with a job and money its going to take me YEARS to really get on my feet. Do I want more years of this? NO. And I dont plan to.

Sep 13, 2024 9:00:31 AM Me

Not fucking around. If something doesnt move or give soon, be for end of September, done. Tapping out Not going thru fall and winter like this. I remember vividly how depressed I was a year ago, know what Ive been thru this past year and NOPE been there done that.

Sep 13, 2024 9:01:55 AM Me

I cannot, and simply refuse, to continue living. It feels like life is playing a game of chicken with me. I intend to win

Sep 13, 2024 9:05:14 AM Me

I spend all day, everyday, hundreds of them ALONE, physically and mentally CUT OFF from others and society. Its not like Im going to miss much, other than suffering more.

Sep 13, 2024 9:06:19 AM Me

Just thinking about how many mornings Ive woken up only wanting to be dead inside of 10mins of being awake

Sep 13, 2024 9:08:33 AM Me

NO ONE SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND… I HAVE NO JOY FEEL CAST OFF FROM MY FAMILY AND SOCIETY. GETTING THRU EVERY DAY IS A FUCKING MIRACLE AND A STRUGGLE

Sep 13, 2024 9:09:24 AM Me

JUST DONT WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE IT SUCKS HERE

Sep 13, 2024 9:10:50 AM Me

IF I HADNT BEEN A CHICKEN SHIT… I could have tapped out a year ago and saved myself A WHOLE YEAR OF LIVING IN MY CAR AND SUFFERING

Sep 13, 2024 9:11:29 AM Me

WTF? AM I EXPECTED TO JUST KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS??

Sep 13, 2024 9:11:46 AM Me

Have a good mind to record a video and send it to Elizabeth and say I killed myself because of you

Sep 13, 2024 9:13:26 AM +13038752587

I will catch up on thread. - do not send Liz any messages

Sep 13, 2024 9:13:33 AM Me

Your rejection did this Your selfishness did this Your narcissim did this Your lack of love, empathy, and compassion did this Your STONE COLD HEART did this

Sep 13, 2024 9:15:08 AM Me

Going to disappear And play a game Find Berts body

Sep 13, 2024 9:15:22 AM Me

Fun for the whole family

Sep 13, 2024 9:16:48 AM Me

Boys get to ask their mother why she did this to me the rest of their lives. Me pasing the suffering right back into her lap And i leave this place and the endless, senseless suffering and bullshit behind

Sep 13, 2024 9:18:33 AM Me

Something in me keeps getting in my gut and saying thats how this ends i take my life And the world goes on

Sep 13, 2024 9:19:00 AM Me

Keeps coming back everytime.

Sep 13, 2024 9:20:13 AM Me

All i know is Ive already run out of patience. Simply tired and beaten from trying to live.

Sep 13, 2024 9:21:36 AM Me

Havent had a stress free days in YEARS Nor have I had a day OFF where Im not hustling for money or seachimg in fruatration for a gig

Sep 13, 2024 9:21:56 AM Me

Feel like im going to explode

Sep 13, 2024 9:23:08 AM Me

Right now I get to spend my day bouncing back-and-forth between trying to make a few bucks to eat and trying to find a fucking job

Sep 13, 2024 9:23:33 AM Me

I do that every day all day over and over and over and over and over a fucking again

Sep 13, 2024 9:23:52 AM Me

I’m going a little fucking bad shit crazy from doing this every fucking day without anything different

Sep 13, 2024 9:24:37 AM Me

It’s turned in its own fucking stress being alive is stressful 24 seven 365 for me and it NEVER fucking LETS UP

Sep 13, 2024 9:26:16 AM Me

I’m alone and spend all day inside my head I’m doing this song and dance every day just fucking surviving I didn’t fucking sign up for this I’m getting so angry right now that I’m gonna fucking go through with it. I’m getting beyond the weepiness of facing suicide and getting to the side of it where I’m gonna fucking do it

Sep 13, 2024 9:26:37 AM +13038752587

I love you ❤️ I’m going to speak straight and clear. STOP being a victim of your childhood. STOP being a victim of your marriage. Stop being a victim of your depression. Stop being a victim - it doesn’t serve you as you now too well I now have a deeper understanding of depression and I know better now the way effort you are putting out daily. STOP struggling on your own. Find a way to get professional help. I will help in anyway I can. There is a better life waiting for you.

Sep 13, 2024 9:26:39 AM Me

I’m angry and fed up

Sep 13, 2024 9:27:24 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Get a journal out and write it all down

Sep 13, 2024 9:29:01 AM ⇲ Me

I’ve tried it doesn’t help and I’ve never been able to turn it into a habit so it’s never been a tool for me to use

Sep 13, 2024 9:27:36 AM Me

I can barely keep myself alive every day let alone take on more stuff to do

Sep 13, 2024 9:27:57 AM Me

I’ve told you I spent half my day fighting my brain all the text messaging above that shit is going on in my brain all fucking day long

Sep 13, 2024 9:29:01 AM ⇱ Me

I’ve tried it doesn’t help and I’ve never been able to turn it into a habit so it’s never been a tool for me to use
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 13, 2024 9:30:13 AM Me

I’m just gonna go spend the rest of my day rotting in my car a fucking parking lot Sitting in a parking lot in your car every day it’s driving me fucking insane

Sep 13, 2024 9:31:18 AM Me

I have an easy way to stop all my suffering and all the bullshit. The problem is it helps me but pisses everyone else off. I just got to get comfortable with checking out and pissing everybody off

Sep 13, 2024 9:31:49 AM Me

K later

Sep 13, 2024 9:32:03 AM Me

Off to suffer all day

Sep 13, 2024 9:32:27 AM Me

One day I’m not gonna reply to a text message and you’re gonna know what’s up

Sep 13, 2024 9:33:01 AM Me

I’ll try to be really responsible and make sure my phone is juiced up as possible and has the find my iPhone business on

Sep 13, 2024 9:33:34 AM Me

I’ve literally just decided that I am going to do it I just don’t know when and I’m gonna put the plan together and I’m done

Sep 13, 2024 9:34:05 AM Me

Like I said life is playing a game of chicken and I’m gonna win

Sep 13, 2024 9:34:47 AM Me

I mean dude I don’t even have money to buy fucking water this moring let alone eat

Sep 13, 2024 9:35:06 AM Me

Alomst 170

Sep 13, 2024 9:35:15 AM Me

Basically cause I don’t fucking eat anymore

Sep 13, 2024 9:37:21 AM Me

You can see how my text messages jump all over the place that’s what it’s like inside my fucking brain it’s bouncing all over the place every fucking day all day and I can’t stop stressing

Sep 13, 2024 9:38:51 AM Me

It sucks having no money and being hungry and thirsty There’s a special kind of cruelty

Sep 13, 2024 9:39:52 AM Me

And I get to sit and watch everybody around me just go about their lives like nothing is fucking wrong

Sep 13, 2024 9:40:36 AM Me

☮️ out

Sep 13, 2024 10:11:41 AM Me

| Misplaced my giant rechargeable battery. Cant find it in the cat
Edited 9 seconds later | Misplaced my giant rechargeable battery. Cant find it in the car

Sep 13, 2024 10:12:44 AM Me

Lost my Yankees hat too Cant find it

Sep 13, 2024 10:13:22 AM Me

Battery is important. Fuck

Sep 13, 2024 10:13:53 AM Me

I cant do this

Sep 13, 2024 11:04:44 AM Me

Well I am delivering a DoorDash for nine dollars. It will get me a coffee and I think I have a dollar on my Starbucks card so I can probably get egg bites

Sep 13, 2024 11:36:18 AM Me

3 hrs dash left 4 today

Sep 13, 2024 11:43:49 AM Me

I’m talking to myself telling myself jokes and making myself laugh out loud This is not normal

Sep 13, 2024 11:48:26 AM Me

I can’t believe my fucking eyes they setting up the fence and the tent for pumpkins and Christmas trees already holy fucking shit

Sep 13, 2024 11:54:31 AM Me

So I’m in another jam I have nine dollars on my DoorDash card I have 32 miles on my car I need to DoorDash to get it over 10 to load my battery and at the same time I’m draining my battery and threw all of this I still have not eaten anything or had coffee or nothing . This is what I mean it’s almost noon and I’ve done nothing productive other than trying to fucking survive

Sep 13, 2024 11:54:41 AM Me

Sep 13, 2024 11:54:54 AM Me

I didn’t fucking sign up for this
Sent with Slam

Sep 13, 2024 11:55:19 AM Me

I’m gonna go sit in a parking lot and cry

Sep 13, 2024 11:55:34 AM Me

Seems to be the only thing I’m fucking good at these days

Sep 13, 2024 11:57:58 AM Me

What I just described above the whole thing about spending half your day surviving that’s what nobody knows that I do every day They think im on the beach chilling doing nothing Far far from it

Sep 13, 2024 12:03:54 PM Me

Im living in a different world than everyone around me. I get looked at I feel the energy I don’t like it I looked in the mirror in the bathroom this morning and didn’t see my face I saw an old, tired, grey homeless guy who looks beyond sadness Withdrawal and resignation in the eyes Watching myself die as I live it

Sep 13, 2024 12:06:27 PM Me

Sep 13, 2024 12:07:42 PM ⇲ Me

Feels like home and a prison

Sep 13, 2024 12:07:19 PM Me

I don’t wanna be where I am, but I have nowhere to go that I want to be.

Sep 13, 2024 12:07:42 PM ⇱ Me

Feels like home and a prison
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 13, 2024 12:10:33 PM Me

Eyes red and swollen From crying all morning Headache like an elephant stepping on my skull Entire body tight and tense Teeth grinding 24/7 Teeth and skull hurt from that

Sep 13, 2024 12:11:21 PM Me

When im this off track Everything feels like mount everest

Sep 13, 2024 12:12:20 PM Me

All my life ive shown up and climbed all the mountains But im not 20 or 30 or 40 anymore Im tired

Sep 13, 2024 12:13:54 PM Me

Sitting in my head In the parking lot Until I can get one dash to then charge car. But then still fucked on eating. See how it goes

Sep 13, 2024 12:14:57 PM Me

27 miles on battery Pray 🙏🙏🙏

Sep 13, 2024 12:17:41 PM Me

T mobile about to kill my phone. Past due on the past due. Theyre calling and texting Driving w/o insurance too

Sep 13, 2024 12:21:40 PM Me

Going to sit here until 12 Dash starts Pray for money Stressful Charge battery Dont eat today Day over for me at 3pm Park in a lot somewhere Wake up tomorrow and do this again Might be less stressfull or not Dont kniw What I do know is that survival is my routine now

Sep 13, 2024 12:22:23 PM Me

K, hope u have good day 😊🙏

Sep 13, 2024 12:29:11 PM Me

None of this

Sep 13, 2024 12:33:23 PM Me

Sep 13, 2024 2:08:54 PM Me

It’s 1 o’clock and I have to end my DoorDash early because I only have 15 miles on my car fortunately I had two deliveries so I can charge my car. But not much else so going to charge my car now and then sit in a parking lot

Sep 13, 2024 2:10:14 PM Me

Still no food or coffee

Sep 13, 2024 2:10:29 PM Me

Lots of tears

Sep 13, 2024 2:11:11 PM Me

What I’m doing every day serving no fucking purpose other than extending my fucking misery

Sep 13, 2024 2:11:24 PM Me

Until I’m off the street my attitude ain’t gonna fucking change

Sep 13, 2024 2:12:36 PM Me

Spent 6 hours Make $10

Sep 13, 2024 2:12:43 PM Me

Wtf?

Sep 13, 2024 2:16:29 PM Me

Sep 13, 2024 2:17:37 PM Me

Think im going to sleep while its charging. Not much else to do. Not near wifi

Sep 13, 2024 3:05:35 PM Me

Im feeling broken

Sep 13, 2024 3:08:24 PM Me

Unfortunately my day has gotten worse not better. Usually the days get better the longer I get into them but not this one it’s turning worse

Sep 13, 2024 3:22:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I dash at the top of the hour for one hour. Last hour I have for today. Have more tomorrow, but my mouth is underwater with my nose above

Sep 13, 2024 4:21:35 PM Me

Believe it Or not simply a cup of coffee changed my entire brain. I feel at least onto 2 feet right now not like I’m spinning down a toilet

Sep 13, 2024 4:24:44 PM Me

Things that I really want to pursue like creating things artwork etc. those require two important things preparation and space, and time. Both of those are in short supply every single day in my life simply because I spend more than half the day wrestling with my brain

Sep 13, 2024 4:25:44 PM Me

Why the fuck I haven’t gotten ketamine treatment and at least see if it fucking does anything for me I don’t know but I’ll just keep living a life of bang in my head against the wall every day I mean this isn’t about a choice this is about mental illness I can’t choose out of my mental illness Because believe me if I could I would’ve fucking done that along time ago

Sep 13, 2024 5:09:26 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 37 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Once you get settlement - make it happen

Sep 13, 2024 4:35:24 PM Me

Grateful My battery was at Poseidon Brewery. Left it there last night from darts Middle of last Dash Got a $15 delivery 🙏

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Sep 13, 2024 4:43:40 PM You unsent a message.

Sep 13, 2024 4:45:04 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 13, 2024 4:49:32 PM Me

I have a very deep feeling in my gut that I’m living the wrong life. Meaning I’ve been doing things that aren’t tapping into everything I can do. All these decades in front of a computer and what body of work do I have behind me kind of nothing, just disposable shit.

Sep 13, 2024 4:49:41 PM Me

Kind of makes you feel disposable

Sep 13, 2024 4:49:50 PM Me

Specially when you’ve been living outside the snow globe of society

Sep 13, 2024 5:09:26 PM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 37 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Once you get settlement - make it happen
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 13, 2024 5:57:30 PM Me

I may not be able to. If by chance God willing and the universe lets it happen Sam will want to hire me. I have to make a car payment no matter what, and if I’m driving to Colorado to start a job I need to get this car in the shop before I drive it across the desertearly. It’s still hot out in Vegas and Utah

Sep 13, 2024 5:58:19 PM Me

He told me early next week and he has had this position advertised for months and I’m sure he’s ready to pull the trigger. He told me he’s not getting sleep because he’s up all night talking to the product manufacturers on the other side of the planet and then up during the day to do his Biz with people awake in this hemisphere

Sep 13, 2024 5:58:57 PM Me

This is one of those things where from my perspective it’s like a no-brainer period I can step in and literally lift everything off of his hands that has to do with Design the web or apps

Sep 13, 2024 6:00:07 PM Me

When he was describing the location of the business, he talked about making a turn and I said that’s where the gas station and the car wash are, and he said yes enthusiastically and I felt like those little things create good rapport. I’m preparing myself for the worst

Sep 13, 2024 6:00:37 PM Me

Him either not contacting me at all and ghosting me. However I did not get that feeling from him

Sep 13, 2024 6:03:17 PM Me

The other preparation is for him calling and saying that as much as he wants to bring me on, he’s going another way

Sep 13, 2024 6:03:55 PM Me

Of course I want a positive outcome but I mentally have to prepare myself for the alternative so that I’m ready for it mentally

Sep 13, 2024 6:04:09 PM Me

Did you get that? I mean mentally

Sep 13, 2024 6:04:12 PM Me

🤣

Sep 13, 2024 6:04:52 PM Me

how crazy are Winters in that area? If I do come out that way do I need to buy a snowsuit

Sep 13, 2024 6:06:26 PM Me

It’s 5 o’clock and I’m just now about to sit at the laptop. I’ll try to do something for an hour and then I’m going to the beach. I have about 80 miles of battery, I’ve had a coffee but nothing to eat

Sep 13, 2024 6:08:06 PM Me

by the way I’m used to not eating so don’t freak out about that it’s like inter fasting thing I guess. I’ll go 16 to 20 to 24 hours without eating and then eat. Even still I’m not eating anything cooked, not eating vegetables, not eating any fresh foods because I have no way to store them or prepare them. So I went from first class organic living to live out of 7-Eleven basically

Sep 13, 2024 6:08:56 PM Me

I can feel it in my head and in my body I honestly think I’m not as mentally in good shape as I was last summer even though I was more depressed last summer. I think my brain is just fucking exhausted

Sep 13, 2024 6:09:42 PM Me

The idea of not having anything to do for 24 hours and sit on a couch binge watching my numbing spirit crushing shows and sleeping as much as possible

Sep 13, 2024 6:10:16 PM Me

my brain just needs some time to chill the fuck out and rest I’m just burned out from living this way

Sep 13, 2024 6:13:30 PM Me

I feel as though at this point I have successfully survived today and now brain 🧠 will be too tired for creative thinking

Sep 13, 2024 6:15:19 PM Me

I’ll find somewhere to sleep and park on the street somewhere. Then wake up tomorrow and do this all over again

Sep 13, 2024 6:15:45 PM Me

I’m so excited, I just can’t hide it

Sep 13, 2024 6:22:22 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 13, 2024 7:50:49 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 13, 2024 7:51:21 PM Me

Peter Tosh for your Friday night. And this is a good tune actually

Sep 13, 2024 10:52:04 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I listen on drive home

Sep 13, 2024 10:45:40 PM Me

Alone for another friday night Preparing for sleep knowing that…

Sep 13, 2024 10:46:35 PM Me

Tomorrow morning we’ll do this again

Sep 13, 2024 10:49:17 PM Me

So done. Every night is same shit. Go to bed thinking that something will change but never does

Sep 13, 2024 10:52:43 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

It will. Keep the faith 😍

Sep 13, 2024 10:52:04 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I listen on drive home
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 13, 2024 10:52:43 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

It will. Keep the faith 😍
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 13, 2024 10:53:05 PM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Driving home. TTY tomorrow

Sep 13, 2024 11:34:11 PM Me

K

Sep 14, 2024 9:08:27 AM Me

😞
Sent with Invisible Ink

Sep 14, 2024 9:08:59 AM Me

Why?

Sep 14, 2024 10:24:05 AM Me

Sep 14, 2024 10:24:43 AM Me

😢

Sep 14, 2024 11:49:26 AM (Read by them after 1 hour, 51 minutes, 51 seconds) Me

Morning Coffee with Bhante Sujatha today….

Sep 14, 2024 11:49:53 AM (Read by them after 1 hour, 51 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

| The end of the difficult hike will bring you to a beautiful place. Be patient and keep walking.
Edited 10 seconds later | The end of the difficult hike will bring you to a beautiful place. Be patient and keep walking.

Sep 14, 2024 11:51:17 AM (Read by them after 1 hour, 50 minutes) Me

👀

Sep 14, 2024 12:03:25 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

from Tim Ferris

Sep 14, 2024 12:03:35 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 42 seconds) Me

Storyworth and Remento for recording my parents’ stories and memories for future generations. Both allow you to capture cherished moments into beautiful books. I chose Storyworth’s written format for my dad, and it provides prompts from a library of 100+ questions. I picked Remento for my mom, which is audio-first and requires no writing on her part. I tested them both after your responses to my question on the best products for preserving parents’ memories! They worked better, and delivered more, than I ever could have hoped. A+ investment.

Sep 14, 2024 12:03:47 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 30 seconds) Me

https://welcome.storyworth.com/

Sep 14, 2024 12:03:56 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 37 minutes, 21 seconds) Me

https://www.remento.co/

Sep 14, 2024 12:06:17 PM (Read by them after 1 hour, 35 minutes) Me

Remento is $99 and you get a printed book

Sep 14, 2024 8:01:17 PM Me

Tomorrow almost over U alive??

Sep 14, 2024 8:01:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

At work

Sep 15, 2024 8:44:18 AM Me

😞

Sep 15, 2024 8:48:57 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Emailed you

Sep 15, 2024 10:06:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

See it thx. Looking shortly. Had to change it up with my routine and schedule today.

Sep 15, 2024 10:07:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

Unsure I’ll have enough $$ at the end of the day. only two tiny dashing slots today in Ventura.

Sep 15, 2024 8:49:09 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

On my way into work for a few hours

Sep 15, 2024 9:11:21 AM Me

Sep 15, 2024 10:06:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

See it thx. Looking shortly. Had to change it up with my routine and schedule today.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 15, 2024 10:07:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

Unsure I’ll have enough $$ at the end of the day. only two tiny dashing slots today in Ventura.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 15, 2024 10:07:47 AM Me

This is coming on Friday

Sep 15, 2024 10:07:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 15, 2024 10:08:14 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Put it out to the universe- you will make the money

Sep 15, 2024 10:11:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bhante Sujatha email this morning: Many of us have moments where we desire to "change our lives." We can change, but we can't change the nature of life. Our job is to learn to look closely, see clearly, and develop wisdom. Doing that work is enough. Change will come naturally.

Sep 15, 2024 10:14:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

- from my own experience over this time. I feel slightly different inside, but unsure if I am truly “different” than I ever was before. I have no outside reference. Subjective, objective, or otherwise. Someone who has known me previously—in person—and recently, not someone basing me on long ago memories.

Sep 15, 2024 10:16:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

they may be able to see, sense, or experience something different — what that is, how it shows up, etc. is all conjecture, daydreams and wishful thinking

Sep 15, 2024 10:16:50 AM Me

from my vantage point

Sep 15, 2024 10:46:41 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

just put a bunch more content into the email. Its all in RED. lmkw

Sep 15, 2024 10:48:47 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Have to dash in VTA in the afternoon. Feeling completely tapped. Haven’t had a stress free day in years. Easily over 1000 days without a “vacation” from depression, unemployment, and divorce. I have one or any combination of the four going at different levels of intensity every day.

Sep 15, 2024 10:49:18 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Until some of these things are behind me or better managed I’m afraid I’m stuck in life.

Sep 15, 2024 3:33:37 PM Me

I’m not feeling well

Sep 15, 2024 3:34:57 PM Me

I’m incredibly stressed about getting the news from Sam

Sep 15, 2024 3:39:08 PM Me

In a parking lot really not know what to do with myself. I have one hour of dashing from 3 to 4 PM Pacific. I don’t have anything else for the day other than taking up space and resources

Sep 15, 2024 3:40:32 PM Me

I just delivered DoorDash near Jenica‘s house and of course being in her neighborhood brings her to mind. I’ve put my intentions out there in the universe regarding her. I would happily spend the rest of my life with her in a nano second.

Sep 15, 2024 3:40:49 PM Me

Im preparing myself for bad news

Sep 15, 2024 3:41:51 PM Me

Hinting at the thought brings me to massive tears. I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket, rather every time I get this close it all crumbles. I’m just not looking forward to having that experience again with how long I’ve been out here

Sep 15, 2024 3:42:22 PM Me

It scares me because it’s the type of thing that could trigger me and really push me over the edge

Sep 15, 2024 3:43:03 PM Me

that part of my shadow that I’ve been introduced to that takes the reins and doesn’t give a shit is the one I fear taking control once bad news arrives

Sep 15, 2024 3:43:39 PM Me

There’s kind of no stopping that part of my personality it’s untrained and unbridled intention

Sep 15, 2024 3:44:14 PM Me

Once it knows what the fuck it needs to take care of it’s game on. It doesn’t fuck around and have a conversation about it, Doesn’t dillydally or deal with gray areas

Sep 15, 2024 3:47:46 PM Me

I have 57 miles on my battery. And eight dollars in my pocket which isn’t enough to charge. I need 10 minimum in my account to start charging. And that is without mentioning food.

Sep 15, 2024 3:47:53 PM Me

The past two nights the main dish for dinner was chips. Probably why I’m not feeling so great today.

Sep 15, 2024 3:47:57 PM Me

I am hopeful that the one hour of dashing I have left today will get me perhaps two orders for 10 bucks each and then I have enough to get me runway to wake up back in this mess tomorrow morning

Sep 15, 2024 3:50:36 PM Me

I’m grateful to have a car I’m grateful I have clothes I’m grateful for a lot of things. But I’m missingsome things. I hate to think that having a place to live and having a job with pay me to have resources to live is somehow going to “make me happy“ Is that placing false hope in something that may not happen? Or does the place to live and resources create a platform for to come around

Sep 15, 2024 4:33:01 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Yes , a platform is a good analogy. Then the animal brain can relax. Basic needs are met. And yes you will feel happy as there is less stress. Be sure to recognize it.

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Loved by Me

Sep 15, 2024 4:35:42 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

As for Sam. The worry about negative news is a waste of energy. Simply be grateful for the opportunity. Set your intentions. Then release your attention on it.

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Sep 15, 2024 5:02:33 PM Me

I am done dashing for today and have money for Charge but not food

Sep 15, 2024 5:11:50 PM Me

I tapped my brother for 10 bucks last night to get me today ugh

Sep 15, 2024 5:15:58 PM Me

I’m feeling pretty depressed and alone

Sep 15, 2024 5:17:18 PM Me

that feels normal now And besides remember I said I don’t think I’ve ever known life without depression in some form

Sep 15, 2024 5:18:52 PM Me

It’s a bunch of days in a row I’ve come up short on money and when I get that fat check that’s going to all the big bills I won’t get to touch that really.

Sep 15, 2024 5:37:52 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Stretch it

Sep 15, 2024 5:19:13 PM Me

OK time to go stare at a parking lot until dark

Sep 15, 2024 5:37:52 PM (Read by you after 47 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Stretch it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 15, 2024 5:40:33 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Go to the grocery store and get a salad 🥗 or hot prepared food- no prepackaged items tonight.

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Sep 15, 2024 5:43:06 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 12 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Check Venmo

Reactions:

Loved by Me

Sep 15, 2024 5:42:03 PM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I am feeling tired tonight, my responses will be limited tonight - sleep is calling

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Sep 15, 2024 5:43:06 PM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 12 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Check Venmo

Reactions:

Loved by Me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 15, 2024 6:29:19 PM Me

Thanks

Sep 15, 2024 6:30:15 PM Me

Hoping tomorrow is better. However, if im to use previous experience to dictate we know what’s gonna happen tomorrow, more of the same

Sep 15, 2024 7:38:03 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

A few weeks ago you made good money dashing - use that memory as inspiration for more of the same or better.

Sep 15, 2024 6:37:21 PM Me

Great version

Sep 15, 2024 6:37:26 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 15, 2024 7:34:50 PM Me

$21.54

Sep 15, 2024 7:36:03 PM Me

Crazy expensive out here. That us unless you have a job

Sep 15, 2024 7:38:03 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

A few weeks ago you made good money dashing - use that memory as inspiration for more of the same or better.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 15, 2024 7:38:04 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 15, 2024 7:38:26 PM Me

I not driving

Sep 15, 2024 7:38:29 PM +13038752587

Putting girls to bed and will probably fall asleep 💤

Sep 15, 2024 7:38:29 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 15, 2024 7:38:48 PM Me

Parked at surfers point. Going for a walk and meditation. Third one of the day

Sep 15, 2024 7:39:22 PM Me

- Mind is challenging

Sep 15, 2024 7:41:49 PM Me

Me

Sep 15, 2024 7:41:54 PM Me

Now

Sep 15, 2024 8:59:23 PM Me

Done with walk at beach 2 miles Grateful Lots of thinking Relfecting Figuring out what to do next since i cant think beyond a day Thinking about Jenica Alot I am in love with her. Thats why I cant forget No matter how I try I feel compelled to chase her I keep getting messages to follow my gut

Sep 15, 2024 8:59:44 PM Me

Gut says dont let go of her just yet

Sep 15, 2024 9:02:14 PM Me

Gut thinks we met too early on purpose We met when neither one if us was ready. She still had overhanging court case with a previous boyfriend who needed a restraining order, and other unsettled things. She could deal with an ungrounded boyfriend when shes historically come in to save them.

Sep 15, 2024 9:05:35 PM Me

Its in her nature to help and i love that She told me I checked evedy box for her except being stable on my own feet So I realize she pushed me away against her own gut feelings. I know she was talking with her therapist. My hunch is therapist said let him go. If he gets his shit together and comes back around then maybe try again

Sep 16, 2024 7:53:25 AM Me

gm

Sep 16, 2024 7:55:11 AM Me

No internet on phone Way past due on bill 😞 No internet on phone = done

Sep 16, 2024 7:55:56 AM Me

Cant get dashapp working this am

Sep 16, 2024 8:30:08 AM Me

Wifi on phone is throttled Cant dash

Sep 16, 2024 8:30:39 AM Me

💀

Sep 16, 2024 8:30:47 AM Me

Reching u via starbucks wifi

Sep 16, 2024 8:52:15 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Give me the deets

Reactions:

Liked by Me

Sep 16, 2024 8:52:34 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

How much do you need to get phone active?

Sep 16, 2024 8:53:29 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

What are all current bills due this month with dates and amounts?

Sep 16, 2024 8:55:07 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

In a meeting until 10 pst

Sep 16, 2024 9:13:26 AM Me

Ill pull it all together.

Sep 16, 2024 9:13:46 AM Me

Have ALOT hitting

Sep 16, 2024 9:15:10 AM Me

Sep 16, 2024 9:15:31 AM Me

See my Insta from this am Pentaptych

Sep 16, 2024 9:15:32 AM Me

Instagram

Sep 16, 2024 9:15:47 AM Me

5 pieces are One

Sep 16, 2024 9:16:01 AM Me

K going online now

Sep 16, 2024 9:16:34 AM Me

— Hesitant to see an email from Sam saying hes decided to go another way

Sep 16, 2024 9:17:12 AM +13038752587

What about an email that says he wants to hire you?

Sep 16, 2024 9:18:07 AM Me

Interesting the fear thats there Whats wild is i dont feel the fear in my body. Rather it’s simply a thought or a word in my head. Typically a trigger like waiting for Sam would be all consuming. The thought the emotional response then my brain making it an all consuming affair

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Liked by +13038752587

Sep 16, 2024 9:18:50 AM Me

- Also noticing my startle response has gone down exponentially

Sep 16, 2024 9:48:10 AM Me

Im vibing at a diff frequency now

Sep 16, 2024 10:01:33 AM Me

— email from my teacher this morning. One way to find forgiveness is to remember that if we or others knew better, we would have done better.

Sep 16, 2024 10:47:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

TMobile — $120 ( past due ) Storage — $200 Car — $600 ( past due ) Insurance — ??? (new policy needed) Spotify-music- $17.99. ( due now ) iCloud Storage — $10 ( past due ) I have some other annuals coming up. Also domain name registrations.

Sep 16, 2024 11:04:30 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 21 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Looks like you have what annuals and how many and much for domains?

Sep 16, 2024 10:48:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

working in VTA now. cant dash with no cell waiting to hear from Declan that my insurance check has arrived. Been tracking it, its in Ojai, but dont know if its arrived at the house yet.

Sep 16, 2024 10:48:48 AM Me

Once I hear he has check then I have to figure out how to cash a $2000 check without a bank acct

Sep 16, 2024 11:02:15 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 3 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Open up a new account

Sep 16, 2024 10:49:07 AM Me

then get that money on my debit card (venmo)

Sep 16, 2024 10:49:15 AM Me

then pay car asap

Sep 16, 2024 10:49:37 AM Me

and storage my stuff isnt going anywhere fast at the moment.

Sep 16, 2024 10:54:41 AM Me

As you might imagine, feeling a touch distracted with the forthcoming news. Not knowing if its today or tomorrow…. Also preparing myself for not hearing back

Sep 16, 2024 10:55:18 AM Me

Ghosting prospects is a HUGE thing going on. Conversations are in the JSC Slack Channel.

Sep 16, 2024 10:55:50 AM Me

— I have to keep moving and not get lost in my head with wishful or magical thinking.

Sep 16, 2024 11:02:15 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 3 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Open up a new account
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 16, 2024 11:02:43 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 3 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

Make sure it’s a free account with no minimum balance

Sep 16, 2024 11:04:30 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 1 minute, 21 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Looks like you have what annuals and how many and much for domains?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 16, 2024 11:05:23 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 28 seconds) +13038752587

What’s the minimum to get phone active?

Sep 16, 2024 11:06:02 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 59 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Also great time to follow-up in person with local jobs.

Sep 16, 2024 1:06:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k

Sep 16, 2024 1:31:22 PM Me

I’ve been on the computer since about 7:45 AM and just taking a break now. I’m gonna sit in the park by the beach to my meditation and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And this afternoon I’ll follow up with who I can and apply to more local jobs.my only other option is tapping out

Sep 16, 2024 1:37:07 PM Me

Can you let me know if you got that

Sep 16, 2024 1:42:27 PM Me

It’s not sending these messages blue it’s sending them green text messages and I’m wondering if you’re getting them

Sep 16, 2024 1:43:28 PM Me

I’m not near Wi-Fi so I’m not sure if this works

Sep 16, 2024 1:44:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

I’m getting them - what’s is the minimum due on your phone

Sep 16, 2024 3:24:44 PM Me

Checking

Sep 16, 2024 3:24:58 PM Me

Just got back online at another starbucks

Sep 16, 2024 3:25:07 PM Me

Declan has my mail

Sep 16, 2024 3:31:10 PM Me

Reactions:

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Sans cuddling 🤣🤣🤣 Marinating 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 16, 2024 3:33:44 PM Me

$234 Declan says envelope with check has not arrived

Sep 16, 2024 3:36:02 PM Me

— My luck… Sam has been trying to call or text me while phones been offline

Sep 16, 2024 3:36:22 PM Me

So looking like I dont get check until tomorrow

Sep 16, 2024 3:36:52 PM (Read by you after 33 seconds) +13038752587

He has been trying to call?

Sep 16, 2024 3:37:24 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

How much is your phone bill normally?

Sep 16, 2024 3:37:47 PM Me

no, I’m saying my luck is that he’s trying to call

Sep 16, 2024 3:38:19 PM +13038752587

How quickly you predict the worst - interesting 🧐

Sep 16, 2024 3:38:33 PM ⇲ Me

I caught myself

Sep 16, 2024 3:38:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

toned the story down at least

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Sep 16, 2024 3:38:49 PM ⇲ Me

I had something far more elaborate brewing

Sep 16, 2024 3:38:21 PM Me

Not sure what phone is normally. Have not had a “normal” phone bill since Liz split the accounts

Sep 16, 2024 3:38:33 PM ⇱ Me

I caught myself
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 16, 2024 3:38:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

toned the story down at least

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 16, 2024 3:38:49 PM ⇱ Me

I had something far more elaborate brewing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 16, 2024 3:39:03 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

You got a new account- how much did you sign up for

Sep 16, 2024 3:39:30 PM Me

It should be under $80

Sep 16, 2024 3:39:42 PM Me

Actually maybe $40

Sep 16, 2024 3:40:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Do your around 6 months behind?

Sep 16, 2024 3:41:44 PM Me

looks like it.

Sep 16, 2024 3:42:16 PM Me

my stress levels are pretty high and I’m finding myself pushing it down

Sep 16, 2024 3:44:22 PM (Read by you after 49 seconds) +13038752587

Everything will be ok

Sep 16, 2024 3:45:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

got mike dillard email am I supposed to take away “go get tested for heavy metals?” Or The Churchill quotation?

Sep 16, 2024 3:46:14 PM +13038752587

Churchill

Sep 16, 2024 3:46:31 PM Me

I’m pretty god damn sure Ketamine would straighten me the fuck out. And I know why.

Sep 16, 2024 3:48:28 PM Me

In college, maybe 21 or 22, I got a hit of bad acid. It was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life, far far far beyond what we experienced the night your mom picked us up. My eyes were two black holes when I looked in the mirror. I was mentally fucked up for about three days.

Sep 16, 2024 3:48:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

You probabaly remember me telling you that story

Sep 16, 2024 3:49:04 PM Me

That was the last time I ever touched acid or schrooms, or anything that would go into hallucinations.

Sep 16, 2024 3:49:10 PM Me

I was too fucking scared to do it.

Sep 16, 2024 3:49:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

In retrospect, I think I may have fucked myself even HARDER with all the precursor conditioning of CPTSD, etc.

Sep 16, 2024 3:51:04 PM Me

That bad acid left me fucked up. Did it put my brain on some kind of pathway? No fucking idea. I think there’s plausibility that the bad acid tweaked me permanently.

Sep 16, 2024 3:51:43 PM Me

so when all my mental stuff goes down, its exponential because of that

Sep 16, 2024 3:51:56 PM Me

goes down = triggeredd

Sep 16, 2024 3:52:53 PM Me

not sure what to do with the rest of my day.

Sep 16, 2024 3:53:00 PM Me

I’m feeling exhausted

Sep 16, 2024 3:53:22 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Research cheaper phone service

Sep 16, 2024 3:53:46 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I sent a mint offer $90 for 6months

Sep 16, 2024 3:54:07 PM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

| Boost is $25 unlimited
Edited 18 seconds later | Boost is $25/m unlimited

Sep 16, 2024 3:55:37 PM Me

just got this mint offer. If I can pay it they’ll send me an eSim and my phone can get online today.

Sep 16, 2024 3:55:47 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 16, 2024 3:57:05 PM Me

4g or LTE data????

Sep 16, 2024 3:57:16 PM Me

I can tsee

Sep 16, 2024 3:57:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the mint one is LTE (5g)

Sep 16, 2024 3:58:00 PM (Read by you after 11 seconds) +13038752587

Google voice is free

Sep 16, 2024 3:58:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a google Voice number already.

Sep 16, 2024 3:58:29 PM Me

Cant take calls without wifi

Sep 16, 2024 3:58:41 PM Me

No wifi in phone, no dashing or maps

Sep 16, 2024 3:59:04 PM Me

Kinda fucked.

Sep 16, 2024 3:59:22 PM Me

Bet my # wont release either until the tmobile is paid

Sep 16, 2024 3:59:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m sure there’s some way for the carriers to not let the phones go

Sep 16, 2024 3:59:47 PM Me

anyhow

Sep 16, 2024 4:01:54 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

With a new eSIM you can function

Sep 16, 2024 4:02:12 PM Me

not sure eSim can rip phone away from TMobile

Sep 16, 2024 4:02:18 PM +13038752587

Phone is paid off - yes? The device

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Liked by Me

Sep 16, 2024 4:02:24 PM Me

I’m not saavy in the ways of phone service

Sep 16, 2024 4:02:49 PM +13038752587

Then it’s unlocked ideally

Sep 16, 2024 4:03:11 PM Me

not sure

Sep 16, 2024 4:03:33 PM Me

ok, so if it is. instead of $200+ I need $45

Sep 16, 2024 4:03:42 PM Me

or whatever

Sep 16, 2024 4:03:51 PM Me

I dont have that

Sep 16, 2024 4:05:56 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 16, 2024 4:07:57 PM (Read by you after 52 seconds) +13038752587

No $5 with hello mobile

Sep 16, 2024 4:08:04 PM (Read by you after 45 seconds) +13038752587

More manageable

Sep 16, 2024 4:11:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 16, 2024 4:11:11 PM Me

this one?

Sep 16, 2024 4:11:22 PM +13038752587

Yes

Sep 16, 2024 4:11:47 PM Me

I’ll blow thru 500MB of data in an afternoon

Sep 16, 2024 4:12:00 PM Me

I use over 20GB a month

Sep 16, 2024 4:12:13 PM +13038752587

Stop watching videos

Sep 16, 2024 4:12:27 PM Me

stare at the wall then

Sep 16, 2024 4:12:52 PM +13038752587

Throttle down your usage. Go to library for free internet

Sep 16, 2024 4:13:06 PM ⇲ Me

startbucks is free internet

Sep 16, 2024 4:13:18 PM ⇲ Me

and free coffee refills, and I usually get 3

Sep 16, 2024 4:12:56 PM Me

sorry, i’m tired

Sep 16, 2024 4:13:06 PM ⇱ Me

startbucks is free internet
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 16, 2024 4:13:18 PM ⇱ Me

and free coffee refills, and I usually get 3
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 16, 2024 4:13:52 PM Me

— I was feeling this deep fatigue and slowing down inside my body today that I never felt before

Sep 16, 2024 4:13:59 PM Me

Like the old man coming to get me

Sep 16, 2024 4:14:20 PM Me

its that, or I’m just bone fucking tired.

Sep 16, 2024 4:14:24 PM +13038752587

Cool - then set up in parking lot when they are closed

Sep 16, 2024 4:14:43 PM Me

that’s where I am. However they turn off when they close

Sep 16, 2024 4:15:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what sucks is Darragh said he was going to call me on the phone today

Sep 16, 2024 4:15:12 PM Me

🙁

Sep 16, 2024 4:15:24 PM Me

so, ok

Sep 16, 2024 4:15:35 PM Me

stuck where I am for 24 hours looks like

Sep 16, 2024 4:15:51 PM Me

have internet for maybe 3 more hours

Sep 16, 2024 4:15:56 PM Me

off at sunset

Sep 16, 2024 4:16:02 PM Me

🙁

Sep 16, 2024 4:16:31 PM +13038752587

There are many olaces with free internet- find them

Sep 16, 2024 4:16:54 PM Me

McDonalds

Sep 16, 2024 4:17:24 PM Me

Anyhow, feeling pretty depressed right now

Sep 16, 2024 4:17:31 PM Me

hopelessness is trying to move in

Sep 16, 2024 4:18:09 PM Me

just dont want to do this roller coaster anymore

Sep 16, 2024 4:18:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Keep In movement

Sep 16, 2024 4:18:22 PM Me

too tiredd

Sep 16, 2024 4:18:35 PM Me

feeling comatose depressed

Sep 16, 2024 4:18:43 PM Me

staring at the road for no reason

Sep 16, 2024 4:18:47 PM +13038752587

Shift that shit

Sep 16, 2024 4:18:51 PM Me

then snap opiut of it

Sep 16, 2024 4:19:09 PM Me

Sometimes I get lost in my head

Sep 16, 2024 4:19:17 PM Me

lost my way

Sep 16, 2024 4:19:34 PM Me

get stuck in liminal spaces in my brain

Sep 16, 2024 4:19:56 PM Me

some remind me of twin peaks. the david lynch show

Sep 16, 2024 4:20:04 PM Me

when the little midget man came out.

Sep 16, 2024 4:20:10 PM Me

that kind of freaky shit

Sep 16, 2024 4:20:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

u know what I’m talkn bout

Sep 16, 2024 4:21:02 PM Me

— bone marrow deep fatigue makes it challenging to shift shit

Sep 16, 2024 4:21:25 PM +13038752587

Find some images/art put a price on it and post on social media

Sep 16, 2024 4:21:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

even as much as I want to, and put the intention out there, I get stuck when I’m super tired

Sep 16, 2024 4:21:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

All these ideas of shit I’ve had in my head over a year

Sep 16, 2024 4:22:01 PM Me

cant get them out of my head

Sep 16, 2024 4:22:08 PM Me

because I fight my head

Sep 16, 2024 4:22:17 PM Me

just to survive and make mone

Sep 16, 2024 4:22:26 PM Me

no time for art 🙁

Sep 16, 2024 4:22:28 PM +13038752587

I’ve decide to open an online gallery. I’m starting by offering limited edition runs

Sep 16, 2024 4:22:41 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Use existing work

Sep 16, 2024 4:23:15 PM Me

today has been a struggle mentally

Sep 16, 2024 4:23:23 PM +13038752587

Look for the solutions Find answers

Sep 16, 2024 4:23:23 PM Me

just to keep mouth above water

Sep 16, 2024 4:23:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

depression is weighing me down today

Sep 16, 2024 4:23:59 PM Me

I’m simply in a weird mental space thats unusual for me

Sep 16, 2024 4:24:27 PM Me

— Its the not knowing which way the fork in the road is going

Sep 16, 2024 4:24:44 PM Me

— being out here this long and having the fork in your face

Sep 16, 2024 4:25:30 PM Me

I’m doing my best to navigate my mind and keep composure — and since 6:45am I have.

Sep 16, 2024 4:26:04 PM Me

— Otherwise you woudl have gotten the trail of tears for 2 hours straight from me. u know what I mean

Sep 16, 2024 4:26:22 PM Me

keeping composure is like masking

Sep 16, 2024 4:27:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— keeping composure and in check is on par energy wise with masking So, I’ve been masking for just about 9 hours now. You get tired, trust me

Sep 16, 2024 4:27:45 PM Me

— not to mention I am in public and also masking on top of the Emotional Intelligence check and balancing

Sep 16, 2024 4:28:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— state of mind is, I’m tired and want to zone out on something

Sep 16, 2024 4:28:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— turn off masking, and turn off emotional monitor

Sep 16, 2024 4:29:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— anyway, i’ll shut up now.

Sep 16, 2024 4:32:09 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

— last thing. I believe I’ve finished tweaking my website for now. I can switch over to the bert.forsale website. that’s one where I’m planning on selling artwork. SItes already started. But put whole thing on shelf to focus on me for a bit.

Sep 16, 2024 4:32:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I have a HUGE blindspot and will forgo taking care of myself to pretend I’m getting shit done

Sep 16, 2024 4:57:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

laptop is down to 10%. I have battery to get it recharged. I may drive over to beach and get a 2 mile walk in. Finding my left leg is giving me trouble.

Sep 16, 2024 5:03:15 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

— also, put more updates in Lizs email draft. Can you look?

Sep 16, 2024 5:08:09 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Here is insurance. Have until 29th to pay $297.57

Sep 16, 2024 5:10:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

try to call my number and see what you get. I’m curious if it goes thru, or gives you a message

Sep 16, 2024 5:12:39 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

Message / calls to this person are unable to go through at this time

Sep 16, 2024 5:12:59 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Pretty unassuming- you could be out of range

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Sep 16, 2024 5:14:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, going offline a bit. I’ll come back onilne, but likely not until near sunset. If its a good one I’ll stay otherwise I’ll head to Starbucks near where I sleep

Sep 16, 2024 5:15:17 PM Me

I’m thinking too that Sam is likely to simply reply to the email I sent him with the samples. I can see that he’s online on LI

Sep 16, 2024 5:15:28 PM Me

k, I’ll ping you later.

Sep 16, 2024 5:15:40 PM Me

👋

Sep 16, 2024 8:15:50 PM Me

Hey

Sep 16, 2024 8:16:02 PM Me

Back online just now

Sep 16, 2024 9:14:09 PM Me

you around

Sep 16, 2024 9:34:46 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Bedtime / giris

Sep 16, 2024 10:03:46 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

k

Sep 17, 2024 9:17:33 AM Me

Hola

Sep 17, 2024 9:17:46 AM Me

My dads getting a pacemaker today

Sep 17, 2024 10:09:52 AM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

At work

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Sep 17, 2024 10:20:28 AM Me

U around today?

Sep 17, 2024 10:21:32 AM Me

At starbucks until somethings shifts either good or bad

Sep 17, 2024 10:23:29 AM Me

— Im simply ready to move on to something else Whether thats here, or beyond this realm isnt up to me I’ll know soon My life will come together or will simply fall farther apart until I no longer exist here

Sep 17, 2024 10:24:07 AM Me

Simply trying to exist And that feels like a struggle at this point

Sep 17, 2024 10:24:57 AM Me

— Numb to life at this point Form of boundary to protect myself paychilogicalky

Sep 17, 2024 10:26:44 AM Me

— Sux The feeling of not being wanted The feeling of repeated rejection Personally And Professionally For as long as this has persisted Is a long drawn out form of slow bleed torture

Sep 17, 2024 10:27:29 AM Me

— Im close to bleeding all the way out I can feel it deep

Sep 17, 2024 10:28:24 AM Me

— If only i could VR what goes in in my head 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 17, 2024 10:30:38 AM Me

- Zero motivation today

Sep 17, 2024 10:31:21 AM Me

As if part of me has turned off ans isnt coming back online

Sep 17, 2024 10:31:51 AM Me

Have i reached my breakinf point??

Sep 17, 2024 10:32:35 AM Me

— Incredibly lost in my head today Liminal spaces

Sep 17, 2024 10:37:35 AM +13038752587

Go stand barefoot 🦶 in the sand or grass or sit barefoot and hands touching the ground.

Sep 17, 2024 10:45:24 AM Me

In concrete jungle at moment. Giant shopping plaza. Have to burn battery to get to do that. Have 50 in battery and unless I get more money right now, I have to wait and see if the insurance check shows up then I need to drive up to Ojai and figure out how I cash a check and get it in my Venmo.

Sep 17, 2024 10:46:01 AM Me

Getting check into card today is prime directive

Sep 17, 2024 10:47:27 AM Me

— That will allow me to take care of car, ins, and phone immediately Buys more runway Honestly, the long term stress ive been carrying is starting to carve me out hollow

Sep 17, 2024 10:48:40 AM Me

— Like ive been swimming in ocean for my life going on 18 mos, and still no land in sight. Not feeling drive to keep swimming Burned out

Sep 17, 2024 10:49:08 AM Me

Think ive reached “why bother” stage

Sep 17, 2024 10:49:37 AM Me

Honestly i have no fuvking idea what im talking about

Sep 17, 2024 10:49:58 AM Me

Its the enotions talking when i get sll twisted

Sep 17, 2024 10:50:40 AM Me

Havent done anything orher than look at email

Sep 17, 2024 10:51:05 AM Me

No juice in the tank

Sep 17, 2024 10:51:49 AM Me

K will try some pomodoros 25 min

Sep 17, 2024 10:55:05 AM Me

—- Realizing im going to need some time to simply sleep Most days i dont sleep full night Im in Fight Club living another life in my subconcious. All 3 women in past 5 years have told me ive woken them up with me fighting, fists and feet flying, and hitting them So not cool. But WTF is that about?!?

Sep 17, 2024 10:55:45 AM Me

No memories of it when awake

Sep 17, 2024 11:19:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— just bought audio book (I have audible credits)

Sep 17, 2024 11:19:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Audible.com

Sep 17, 2024 11:22:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know of Jerry Colonna hearing him years ago on a podcast. I was hooked listening to him. Incredibly insightful, down to earth, practical, real guy. No BS. Grew up as a kid in Brooklyn, now lives in Boulder by foothills of Rockies (we probably walked by his house when we went on that hike 🤣) He has the new yorker in him and I think that’s what drew me in. But he’s out west working with big names in Silicon Valley. Combination of Buddhism, Jungian Theory, and NO BS.

Sep 17, 2024 2:04:40 PM Me

How r u?

Sep 17, 2024 2:05:04 PM Me

U been far more quiet over past couple weeks

Sep 17, 2024 2:07:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

New job - working 6days

Sep 17, 2024 2:08:10 PM Me

No mas hotel?

Sep 17, 2024 2:08:12 PM +13038752587

Still at hotel - F&B manager

Sep 17, 2024 2:08:27 PM Me

Food and BevMo

Sep 17, 2024 2:57:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— FYI

Sep 17, 2024 2:59:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Been texting Declan. He went over to check for mail. Check isn’t there. Neither are my meds Both show being in post office yesterday morning. 49 miles on car — with elevation gain I’ll have around 10 miles on battery when I get up there.

Sep 17, 2024 2:59:56 PM Me

I have to go up there regardless.

Sep 17, 2024 3:00:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Been in starbucks here since 7:45. 6.25 hours Need a change of scenery I may drive up to Ojai Starbucks. Its on the way. And the charger in Ojai is between that and campus.

Sep 17, 2024 3:02:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Every day its something. Something to drop in your lap Something to be grateful for Something to care about Something to be aware of Something to avoid or reduce Something to do Something to be

Sep 17, 2024 4:05:13 PM Me

OK, I’m going to be out of connection for a while because I’m driving up to Ojai. Until I have money I’m stuck

Sep 17, 2024 4:06:37 PM Me

A bit stressed However aware and dealing

Sep 17, 2024 4:07:03 PM +13038752587

Did your check come n

Sep 17, 2024 4:07:45 PM ⇲ Me

That’s what I thought I was communicating. No it has not come in. Declan has gone up and checked and does not see it in the package room nor does he see it in the mail room. So it’s somewhere between the post office and the school

Sep 17, 2024 4:17:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 56 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

No chance to read thread yet

Sep 17, 2024 4:07:11 PM Me

Depressions here albeit low level So much so that I almost don’t notice it

Sep 17, 2024 4:07:45 PM ⇱ Me

That’s what I thought I was communicating. No it has not come in. Declan has gone up and checked and does not see it in the package room nor does he see it in the mail room. So it’s somewhere between the post office and the school
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 17, 2024 4:09:32 PM Me

— An observation. The added stress of this on top of the other shit makes it really hard to focus because so many things are in the air

Sep 17, 2024 4:10:53 PM Me

Where will I sleep tonight? How much battery will I have after I get up into Ojai? Will I have enough battery to get up to Thacher and back down to the charger? What will I do for dinner? And for water? No money to get anything. Have a little peanut butter and jelly. And I’m leaving Ventura so I won’t be near the supercheap supermarket

Sep 17, 2024 4:11:30 PM Me

These are all the questions in my head and everything’s gonna fall into place tonight today. I hope that helps illustrate how I can’t really plan for the future let alone tomorrow

Sep 17, 2024 4:12:10 PM Me

| Not to mention not being neurotic so you gotta throw depression in there which is here, and I have two panic attacks today which I haven’t had in months so good times are here 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Edited 38 seconds later | Not to mention not being neurotypical so you gotta throw depression in there which is here over my shoulder , and I have two panic attacks today which I haven’t had in months so good times are here 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sep 17, 2024 4:13:54 PM Me

— K, offline until at ojai starbucks I have no phone or data

Sep 17, 2024 4:17:49 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 56 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

No chance to read thread yet
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 17, 2024 5:50:50 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

k

Sep 17, 2024 5:51:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

well I sit in Ojai Starbucks Feels like a last stand before I go off into the hills and the sunset

Sep 17, 2024 5:51:37 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

27 miles left on battery

Sep 17, 2024 7:35:39 PM Me

Come to find out I had my first night of singles tonight and I drove to Ojai. If I had stayed down there I’d be able to play

Sep 17, 2024 7:36:18 PM Me

Anyhow I texted my opponent the number two guy in the county and said apologies something got me stuck in Ohio and I can play tomorrow night wherever you like

Sep 18, 2024 10:44:36 AM Me

Hey

Sep 18, 2024 10:44:36 AM Me

U around?

Sep 18, 2024 11:45:43 AM Me

?

Sep 18, 2024 12:09:08 PM Me

Be offline a bit. Going to pick up my mail from Declan and hopefully have my check, then I stop at storage to grab my laundry detergent Then I’m back down here at Starbucks and I will be doing my laundry and some more laptop time

Sep 18, 2024 12:09:22 PM Me

I have my make up dart match tonight at 5:30 in Ventura

Sep 18, 2024 12:09:30 PM Me

OK going off-line I’ll text you when I’m back on

Sep 18, 2024 12:47:06 PM Me

I just had a couple of intense moments

Sep 18, 2024 1:16:47 PM Me

I’ve not heard back from Sam yet. That’s not to say he won’t reach out still. The day he called me actually many days before that I had forgotten about him because it was far enough behind that I figured I was ghosted. But then he called. My gut is having a hard time reading this. Should I give him more time, or should I inquire? Obviously don’t want to seem like a pest but I definitely wanna shit or get off the pot

Sep 18, 2024 1:48:28 PM Me

Hey

Sep 18, 2024 1:49:07 PM Me

Venmo wants to charge me $100 to deposit immediately Free if i wait 10 days 😞

Sep 18, 2024 1:51:30 PM Me

Hola?

Sep 18, 2024 1:52:26 PM Me

What if i sent you the images of the check. Could u cash with bank and transfer thru venmo?

Sep 18, 2024 1:52:37 PM Me

I dont have bank acct

Sep 18, 2024 1:53:25 PM Me

Getting check into digital is problem

Sep 18, 2024 1:53:36 PM Me

K i'll see if Russ can help me out

Sep 18, 2024 2:14:44 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Possibly- we can try / I’ll be home in 30m for a about an hour before going back to hotel

Sep 18, 2024 2:19:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Sep 18, 2024 2:20:50 PM Me

OK cool, I was just about to text Russ but I’ll wait and see if it works with you. If it doesn’t then I’ll bug Russ. I’m at Starbucks doing some volunteer dart website work until my match in four hours. If I can get my hands on the money I can wash my clothes and wear something clean to my match 😊

Sep 18, 2024 2:21:03 PM Me

and I could get my eSIM card from mint mobile for 45 bucks

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Sep 18, 2024 2:21:26 PM Me

Then I’ll close my T-Mobile account and pay them when I get the money and go forward with mint

Sep 18, 2024 2:22:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Don’t pay full amount - set up a min payment plans. - keep your self flush with cash. Pay only necessary bills

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Sep 18, 2024 2:22:36 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Car, insurance

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Sep 18, 2024 2:22:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

By the way shop your car insurance \ might be something lower

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Sep 18, 2024 2:22:57 PM ⇲ Me

Those two things in my phone or top

Sep 18, 2024 2:23:23 PM ⇲ Me

I can’t wait to send an AI bot to go negotiate for me

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Sep 18, 2024 2:21:35 PM Me

by law can T-Mobile stop me? If I owe them money?

Sep 18, 2024 2:22:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Don’t pay full amount - set up a min payment plans. - keep your self flush with cash. Pay only necessary bills

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 18, 2024 2:22:28 PM Me

also, a sidenote I got the official response to the divorce from Elizabeth by mail I also got collection agency mail and I got just a lot of heavy stressful mail

Sep 18, 2024 2:22:36 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Car, insurance

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Sep 18, 2024 2:22:56 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

By the way shop your car insurance \ might be something lower

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 18, 2024 2:22:57 PM ⇱ Me

Those two things in my phone or top
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 18, 2024 2:23:23 PM ⇱ Me

I can’t wait to send an AI bot to go negotiate for me

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 18, 2024 2:24:17 PM Me

OK I’ll email you the photos of the check securely right now. Then I’ll text you to say the email is sent, and then I’ll wait to find out if you can make it happen

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Sep 18, 2024 2:25:14 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Is there a reason you don’t want a new bank account

Sep 18, 2024 2:25:42 PM ⇲ Me

Until I can put money in an account regularly and dependably I will just live with the reloadable debit card

Sep 18, 2024 2:25:23 PM Me

— Side note: teeth jaw and skull all hurt Bad headache all day

Sep 18, 2024 2:25:42 PM ⇱ Me

Until I can put money in an account regularly and dependably I will just live with the reloadable debit card
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 18, 2024 2:26:28 PM Me

Also not sure if you got my question about the follow up with Sam, you can answer it later if you like I’m about to pack up and walk inside Starbucks because I’m outside right now in my car

Sep 18, 2024 2:45:39 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 58 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Give him one more day- if you don’t hear back - send a message tomorrow morning

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Sep 18, 2024 2:27:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Getting Liz’s divorce paper response brings that stress forward in mind and body

Sep 18, 2024 2:45:39 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 58 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Give him one more day- if you don’t hear back - send a message tomorrow morning

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Sep 18, 2024 2:48:51 PM Me

This is SO YOU!!

Sep 18, 2024 2:48:56 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 18, 2024 2:49:16 PM Me

Whats making the sound?

Sep 18, 2024 2:57:47 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Drone

Sep 18, 2024 2:58:00 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Big air

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Sep 18, 2024 3:03:22 PM Me

K, just sent email Its going to make you confirm your phone before it will show. First time I’ve use this let me know how it goes

Sep 18, 2024 3:51:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ping me when you can, one you know on deposit 😉

Sep 18, 2024 4:22:35 PM Me

Instagram

Sep 18, 2024 4:29:56 PM Me

Along with the skiing I could see you doing all this at 15 on your bike

Sep 18, 2024 4:30:01 PM Me

Instagram

Sep 18, 2024 4:44:46 PM (Read by them after 48 seconds) Me

hi, im being impatient and honest 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 18, 2024 4:51:07 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Having issue login in my phone

Sep 18, 2024 4:51:38 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

I know speed is of essence - see if Russell can jump on it

Sep 18, 2024 4:54:10 PM Me

K

Sep 18, 2024 5:05:17 PM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

so russ bank wont allow it

Sep 18, 2024 5:05:26 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

lmk

Sep 18, 2024 5:06:28 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

hungry night otherwise. And I need to hit the road in about 20-25 and head to darts. If I dont get cash I’ll be stuck in VTA. Which is fine. Just thinking out loud

Sep 18, 2024 5:11:47 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 39 seconds) Me

I’ll let you know when I’m out of pocket traveling.

Sep 18, 2024 5:11:58 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 33 seconds) Me

sux to not have mobilt data

Sep 18, 2024 5:42:59 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

When you heading to darts

Sep 18, 2024 5:46:17 PM Me

Now

Sep 18, 2024 5:46:42 PM Me

In car

Sep 18, 2024 5:47:03 PM Me

About to drive I missed I missed last night I don’t wanna be late for him tonight

Sep 18, 2024 5:47:19 PM Me

I’ll be out of pocket right now

Sep 18, 2024 5:47:28 PM Me

I’ll try again when I’m at the brewery

Sep 18, 2024 6:21:34 PM Me

Hey

Sep 18, 2024 6:26:32 PM Me

Im at poseidon. Head and body are spinning and face is really hot

Sep 18, 2024 6:26:50 PM Me

Lmk when u can

Sep 18, 2024 7:06:58 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

I can spot you 20 bucks - I’ll find out about check when I get home

Sep 18, 2024 7:07:17 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Cool 😎?

Sep 18, 2024 7:12:17 PM Me

K

Sep 18, 2024 7:13:16 PM Me

Actually if u can do 30 i can charge and incur fee to withdraw money

Sep 18, 2024 7:31:55 PM (Read by you after 57 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Sent

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Sep 18, 2024 8:29:06 PM Me

Letting you know I got it

Sep 18, 2024 8:29:34 PM Me

I’m leaving Poseidon now so I’m in Ventura and will likely stay by the Starbucks I hang out at and will Updates as I can access Wi-Fi

Sep 18, 2024 8:31:03 PM Me

I lost my match to Tim the number two in the county he swept me 11 games to nil That said there were three games where I was ahead and had a chance to shoot and win the game in each one of those games and just missed and he stepped up and won the game so even though it’s a sweep I could have won three of those games And it could’ve been 11 to 3. This is a guy who has roughly a 60 point average for three darts which if you’re an amateur that is high high-level amateur because once you get into 70 and low 80s you’re at low end of the pros

Sep 18, 2024 8:31:42 PM Me

Out of 11 games only three had an average below 40 for three Darts every other game was above two games I had a 50 average in one and a 64 for three darts in another game those were the games where I was kicking his ass and could’ve won caught up and beat me

Sep 19, 2024 9:13:03 AM Me

GM

Sep 19, 2024 9:15:42 AM +13038752587

Gm

Sep 19, 2024 9:15:59 AM +13038752587

Can I call you in5m

Sep 19, 2024 9:20:16 AM Me

U may have to do facetime audio

Sep 19, 2024 9:20:26 AM Me

Cant receive calls

Sep 19, 2024 9:22:59 AM +13038752587

OK, well then we’ll have to do it this way talking and texting. Hopefully, it works well.

Sep 19, 2024 9:23:38 AM +13038752587

OK, so banks no longer will do third-party checks so you can’t endorse the check to me and they want a check. That’s obviously the person’s name is not on the account so I did some research for you in Ventura County.

Sep 19, 2024 9:24:41 AM +13038752587

What county is Ojai in? I believe it’s in Ventura. Please confirm.

Sep 19, 2024 9:24:50 AM Me

Yes

Sep 19, 2024 9:25:10 AM Me

Im in vta right now

Sep 19, 2024 9:25:17 AM Me

Darts last night

Sep 19, 2024 9:25:52 AM +13038752587

Cool check your email. I sent you a link to Ventura County credit Union and because your address is there which is on your license plate that’s the address you used to set up your account and license plate is on your license. You can set up an account, I believe the middle one would be the best option because it gives you sell as a way of making payments and this way you can control the money flow not share, if they give you a card with anybody pay via checking account I believe every vendor has that option. Let me know. I’ll talk to you soon.

Sep 19, 2024 9:26:42 AM Me

K, so check email

Sep 19, 2024 9:28:31 AM +13038752587

Yes

Sep 19, 2024 9:28:49 AM Me

Also, just say it again every day I have something new beyond the current load I’m carrying EVERY DAY AND I have to figure out, solve or whatever. That’s on top of dealing with my depression. Its not easy and feeling quite frustrated because it’s hard to move forward when people keep putting roadblocks in your way

Sep 19, 2024 9:30:03 AM +13038752587

Yeah, my kind of way I would look at this plan for yourself is to go set up and open up a new account deposit the check it’ll meet them in a requirement. They will give you a certain amount. You know they won’t cash the whole check probably like half or five or 600 bucks Immediately but they might because it is an insurance. It makes sense so get your account up. Get your phone immediately get online so you have phone and then and then deal with getting set up a payment plan with T-Mobile pay the minimum amount you need to research your insurance Confusing go get the set up cell phone access and phone call

Sep 19, 2024 9:31:30 AM Me

I have a JSC meeting from 1030 to noon otherwise it sounds like my whole fucking day is doing this and I’ll get nowhere on anything else Everything is extra fucking hard for me

Sep 19, 2024 9:31:54 AM Me

All this adulting and be here on this time and do this and check this box drives me fucking crazy

Sep 19, 2024 9:32:46 AM Me

You get to a point where you wonder why the fuck am I doing this? And why am I bothering?

Sep 19, 2024 9:33:09 AM Me

It sucks because this just totally derail my fucking entire day into unknowns

Sep 19, 2024 9:33:22 AM Me

I got enough fucking unknowns in my life I need more certainties more solid things I can put my fucking feet on

Sep 19, 2024 9:34:46 AM Me

I should’ve had the check in my hand and money ready to pay on Tuesday. Instead I get it on Wednesday and I can’t have money until I go jump through a bunch of fucking hoops. I need less things in my way

Sep 19, 2024 9:35:11 AM Me

Fedup

Sep 19, 2024 9:35:20 AM Me

Bitter

Sep 19, 2024 9:35:29 AM Me

Mean

Sep 19, 2024 9:35:45 AM Me

That’s what I’m turning into now because that’s what I feel pretty much all the time

Sep 19, 2024 9:36:51 AM Me

I put on a smiley mask when I have to deal with somebody but otherwise I don’t give a fucking rats asshole

Sep 19, 2024 9:40:02 AM Me

| Thank you for doing the research and pointing me in the right direction. I know you would likely do more if you could possibly find the time and resources I just want you to know I’m acknowledging your efforts and I understand that you have to put aside yourself in your family to focus on me I am grateful
Edited 25 seconds later | Thank you for doing the research and pointing me in the right direction. I know you would likely do more if you could possibly find the time and resources I just want you to know I’m acknowledging your efforts and I understand that you have to put aside yourself and your family to focus on me I am grateful

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Sep 19, 2024 9:52:40 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 19, 2024 11:07:42 AM Me

— UPDATE: I went through the process online of signing up for an account, and then when it came to funding the account the option to deposit a check was not available through online sign up only credit card bank transfer or transfer from another credit union account .

Sep 19, 2024 11:08:06 AM +13038752587

Go into branch

Sep 19, 2024 11:08:23 AM Me

| So as you can see in the screen capture I looked at the Ventura office and made the earliest appointment they had available and the last one that they have available this week it’s like it was held before me
Edited 7 seconds later | So as you can see in the screen capture I looked at the Ventura office and made the earliest appointment they had available and the last one that they have available this week it’s like it was held for me

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Sep 19, 2024 11:08:48 AM Me

On the sign up appointment form it says to become a new member is a one hour appointment that’s why it’s a scheduled thing

Sep 19, 2024 11:09:23 AM Me

| Having people drop out of the sky and taking up an hour of an employees time unscheduled could potentially wreak havoc and running Helena staff as I’m sure you are well acquainted with 🤣🤣🤣
Edited 13 seconds later | Having people drop out of the sky and taking up an hour of an employees time unscheduled could potentially wreak havoc and running a lean staff as I’m sure you are well acquainted with 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 19, 2024 11:42:20 AM (Read by you after 43 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Makes sense

Sep 19, 2024 3:08:39 PM Me

One more day. “There is a moment when you are no longer the person you once were.” I see that as nearly every moment. As now then becomes the past, you are now no longer the person you once were

Sep 19, 2024 3:12:24 PM Me

Hey! Check out this post from The Pattern.

Sep 19, 2024 3:12:30 PM Me

Sep 19, 2024 3:19:21 PM Me

Fyi, russ lent me some money to get thru to tomorrow

Sep 19, 2024 3:19:56 PM Me

— Im feeling alot of things right now. One being Jenica

Sep 19, 2024 3:21:29 PM Me

— Unsure about staying or going should things with sam not pan out

Sep 19, 2024 3:22:23 PM Me

— Winter is a terribly lonely season for me and Im headed there soon. It will test my resolve

Sep 19, 2024 3:45:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— overwhelming sense of being in a tiny boat lost in the middle of the Pacific. I can see bad weather on the horizon but can’t tell if its coming my way.

Sep 19, 2024 3:45:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Need to hit land

Sep 19, 2024 4:49:51 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

—

Sep 19, 2024 4:49:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Sep 19, 2024 4:50:29 PM Me

I submit that one’s “ledge” is as wide as resources are deep. My ledge is far thinner than others.

Sep 19, 2024 5:21:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— alot of adulting today. Got lots of VCDA.org done Got lots of Group X done Got a connection to Self Help Law to find out about next appointment Got the bank appt setup for tomorrow Led my JSC meeting for 1.5 hours. and its time for me to leave Starbucks.

Sep 19, 2024 5:21:16 PM Me

I’ll be off wifi for a bit.

Sep 19, 2024 5:21:19 PM Me

out of contact

Sep 19, 2024 5:22:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Click to download J_Bert_Mahoney—240917.pdf (76.06 KB)

Latest version of the resume. Shiny and updated

Sep 19, 2024 5:24:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 19, 2024 5:25:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, i’d still like to reply to liz’s email. whenever you can look would be superb

Sep 19, 2024 5:33:42 PM Me

OK in the car about to drive away from the Wi-Fi I should be back online and maybe an hour and a half

Sep 19, 2024 8:53:05 PM Me

👋

Sep 19, 2024 8:53:13 PM Me

Online

Sep 19, 2024 8:54:12 PM Me

Took good walk along beach for an hour. 2.6 miles out the boardwalk and back

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Sep 19, 2024 8:55:00 PM Me

Feeling inspired to do some art. Also will check if Sam sent anything

Sep 19, 2024 11:02:59 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Heading home from hotel Back at 9am

Sep 19, 2024 11:22:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, talk tomorrow

Sep 20, 2024 10:04:38 AM Me

GM

Sep 20, 2024 10:06:11 AM Me

I ‘overslept’ until 8:30 Woke up fully 2 times in middle of night Unusual for me

Sep 20, 2024 10:06:40 AM Me

At Starbucks on wifi until I go to the bacnk

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Sep 20, 2024 10:06:58 AM Me

— Haven't looked at email but no word from Sam yet

Sep 20, 2024 10:18:07 AM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Besides phone how have you been communicating

Sep 20, 2024 10:19:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Email, and LinkedIn Messages

Sep 20, 2024 10:19:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just got onlne with laptop

Sep 20, 2024 10:19:24 AM Me

had a weird interaction with a woman

Sep 20, 2024 10:22:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I left my coffee and phone on a 2 seat table and went outside to get my computer and big battery. When I came back in a woman was just about to sit at the table I had my stuff. I said, hi that’s my stuff I went to get my other stuff. She looked at me blankly. I pointed again to my stuff and said. I was here. She said “well I just wanted to sit down and proceeded to somewhat affronted get up and walk away. She seemed pissed off. I said you can sit there its fine with me. But she kept going. I put my head down and here I am typing.

Sep 20, 2024 10:22:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m not here to make people happy 24/7 anymore

Sep 20, 2024 10:23:16 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I wasnt mean. But I also wasnt bubbly friendy7

Sep 20, 2024 10:24:47 AM Me

anyhow, I digress

Sep 20, 2024 10:41:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

LMK if you have any thoughts on a strategy to contact Sam. I’m too close and dont want to fuck it up, so objectivity is hard to come by

Sep 20, 2024 10:45:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll have some things to show/share with you today — art stuff. I like it, and honestly dont care if others do. Going to put it up on my own website. Figure out a workflow that I can take a finished piece thru a process of getting it online, with meta data (se0), on my site and where ever else I have it—society6, etsy, amazon, etc. If I have this grand vision of getting my artwork (digital, photo, painting) I need to have a CORE workflow to get pieces online. If I can find a way to automate with AI — bonus. Anyhow, I know long term this is something I want to do.

Sep 20, 2024 10:46:21 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I got away from art — my idea of art - when I got my hand on a mouse for a paycheck. I can still see the world the way I did when I was a college art student, but I lost it, like the rest of myself.

Sep 20, 2024 10:47:35 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Book I’m listening to now—Reboot—seems as if parts of it were literally taken from my life, not bits—LARGE swaths of descriptions of thinking, ways of being, patterns, habits, its been interesting listening

Sep 20, 2024 10:48:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Once I heard the first synchronicity, then the second, suddenly I’m listening closer for more. And there are many many more.

Sep 20, 2024 10:51:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I thought one of the last 3 books I listened to was what my astrology was referring to—a book you’re reading will change you and you will not be the same. I think this is the book. When Jerry, the author, talks of what he deems his “superpowers” he developed as a child surviving an alcholic father and a subservient complict, with anxiety/anger simply aligned with me. — Hypervigilance in service to others (never the self) — Ability to see problems before they show up — a prescience of sorts

Sep 20, 2024 10:52:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

—Ability to empathize and “put yourself in others shoes”

Sep 20, 2024 10:52:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Like you can literally feel their feelings in mind and body — powerful shit

Sep 20, 2024 10:53:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve heard/read about highly empathic people who know they are complaining of being DRAINED when around people simply because someone theyre near/with is an energy vampire

Sep 20, 2024 10:53:56 AM Me

k quiet now and back to it

Sep 20, 2024 10:54:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hopeful I can find myself with a bill or two paid by the EOD. 😊 Would be nice for stress levels

Sep 20, 2024 10:57:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, finding that I’ve not had a super weepy morning in a while now. more stable in the morning — not crumbling from thoughts and emotions. Not that I dont have thoughts and emotions — I’m in control now and can choose to go that way or not

Sep 20, 2024 10:57:46 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

My emotions and dysregulation are at the wheel FAR LESS now

Sep 20, 2024 10:57:59 AM Me

which is a fantastic thing for me

Sep 20, 2024 10:58:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am by no means beyond “my shit”

Sep 20, 2024 11:01:18 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

if we’re all honest I dont think anyone ever is Its how you choose to react simple truth that is impossible to see thru emotions and dysregulation. A choice doesnt exist in that world. If you’ve been in a hall of mirrors and tried to get out, that’s the feeling. You want out, but have no fucking idea where you get out. Meanwhile the tornado or emotions and dysregulation take you where THEY want.

Sep 20, 2024 11:01:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Totally no bueno

Sep 20, 2024 11:31:30 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Set of headshots for my website. Insipired by old Playboy interview photoshoots. They always showed three shots in progression.

Sep 20, 2024 12:24:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Living does not mean just maintaining life but using all our senses to live mindfully.”

Sep 20, 2024 12:24:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going ok.

Sep 20, 2024 12:28:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

trying my best to live mindfully even give my situation. Some morning I find myself crying in the starbucks bathroom simply grateful to have access to it with a hassle — a damn privledge

Sep 20, 2024 12:28:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve seen raw, naked entitlement blind to the ways of mankind in a myriad of ways.

Sep 20, 2024 12:29:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I wont bore you with listing them here 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 20, 2024 1:14:20 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

worth the read. applicable to you I htink

Sep 20, 2024 1:14:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/move-authority-information-dan-mall-wqihe

Sep 20, 2024 1:48:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— U R QUIET

Sep 20, 2024 2:53:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey, about to go offline and see if I can create a bank account to move forward. Wish me luck. I’ll let you know.

Sep 20, 2024 3:02:16 PM Me

Also ur Sam thoughts

Sep 20, 2024 3:02:20 PM Me

Still nada

Sep 20, 2024 3:47:19 PM Me

Despite opening acct Which I need regardless, There is a 9 day hold on new checks for first 30 days of account. So my car pmt is due today. $600

Sep 20, 2024 3:48:13 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 1 second) +13038752587

What - they usually release partial funds

Sep 20, 2024 3:48:58 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

This is a check from a reputable business they can verify quicker than 9 days

Sep 20, 2024 3:50:11 PM Me

New hurdle today Waiting nine days with no money. And can't dash because no cell data. Here I thought I was going to have a relaxed evening taking off some stress

Sep 20, 2024 3:52:22 PM Me

So 9 days to prep for leaving here. Gotta start sometime

Sep 20, 2024 4:11:24 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

Borrow 100 from parents so you can work

Sep 20, 2024 4:11:59 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Get back into making money

Sep 20, 2024 4:15:57 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 20, 2024 4:15:59 PM (Read by you after 15 seconds) +13038752587

So nine days until you leave there what’s what’s the plan? Did you hear from Sam? Are you able to reach out? Yeah you gotta get yourself back on the phone so you can start making money so ask your parents to give you the minimum 50 bucks so you can start earning some money nine days is too long to wait but you can’t go that long without having a means to make some cash so let me know how that goes. I am on my way to the restaurant.

Sep 20, 2024 4:17:11 PM Me

Hi, back on wifi

Sep 20, 2024 4:17:28 PM Me

Every day is a new piano

Sep 20, 2024 4:18:22 PM Me

here I thought my stress levels would be going down and they’re going the opposite way even though I have the account set up I’m just wanting to give up how many fucking times do I gotta twist and turn and bend and jump through a fucking hoop? I’m just frankly sick of it all

Sep 20, 2024 4:19:18 PM Me

I was stressed all morning and thinking I was gonna have a less stress going to sleep tonight and I’m not.

Sep 20, 2024 4:23:48 PM (Read by you after 57 seconds) +13038752587

Text parent for help with phone

Sep 20, 2024 4:25:02 PM Me

I’m trying to do that right now and FaceTime audio and FaceTime video keep hanging up on me

Sep 20, 2024 4:44:26 PM Me

Well I made a connection on FaceTime after a lot of trouble. Once I could sort of explain the situation my father went right into you can’t live out there blah blah blah. When he was done I said I’m not calling about that at all I’m calling about something else. So as per usual it’s giant pain in the ass to ask for any kind of fucking help unless it’s on their terms

Sep 20, 2024 4:55:29 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Ok, instead of trying to explain it on a call I just wrote the whole thing out and texted.

Sep 20, 2024 4:56:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m headed to Poseidon because I can charge my battery for laptop and laptop. I have less than 5% in laptop.

Sep 20, 2024 4:56:19 PM Me

this is stressful

Sep 20, 2024 4:56:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, going offline to poseidon, should be about 10 mins to change location

Sep 20, 2024 5:15:01 PM Me

I’m actually about to head out now. I was able to get my dad’s help with 200 bucks and that will help me get things rolling I’ll keep you posted

Sep 20, 2024 6:43:35 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Get mint asap 😀

Sep 20, 2024 6:44:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 46 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Or one of the deals out there I emailed you

Sep 20, 2024 8:30:43 PM Me

K

Sep 20, 2024 10:02:56 PM Me

Testing thru mint

Sep 20, 2024 10:03:12 PM Me

Test 2

Sep 20, 2024 10:21:03 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Sep 20, 2024 10:24:47 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 20, 2024 10:25:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Sep 20, 2024 10:25:10 PM Me

from the debate

Sep 20, 2024 10:25:23 PM Me

i send these to don

Sep 20, 2024 10:25:29 PM Me

drives him nuts

Sep 20, 2024 10:29:42 PM Me

— ok off to charge car. I’ll see if i can still text and access things from charging. I dont have within wihtout phone there.

Sep 20, 2024 10:29:46 PM Me

ok cu soon

Sep 20, 2024 10:30:26 PM Me

— ps kinds bummed not to hear back from Sam. Granted I have no idea whats currenly going on for him.

Sep 20, 2024 10:31:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Also feeling the lonsome heart and wanting to be with Jenica again. I had AI help me draft a “final” email to her

Sep 20, 2024 10:32:13 PM Me

— I still cannot reason why that happened to us. Why make us meet if we’re only going to feel heartbroken.

Sep 20, 2024 10:32:27 PM Me

who knows. Met Liz twice

Sep 20, 2024 10:32:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Was great until I wasnt

Sep 20, 2024 10:32:55 PM Me

sad that our marriage was destroyed by my mental illness

Sep 20, 2024 10:33:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ais what it is

Sep 21, 2024 12:22:58 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Sep 21, 2024 8:27:48 AM Me

Gm

Sep 21, 2024 8:27:57 AM Me

U alive?

Sep 21, 2024 9:19:43 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

This version is better

Sep 21, 2024 9:19:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 21, 2024 9:23:04 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my heart is heavy this morning

Sep 21, 2024 9:23:42 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

most mornings it is, but is far outweighed (irony?) by whatever is the emotion du jour

Sep 21, 2024 9:24:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I think I may be past the morning breakdowns. I have tears when thinking fondly, but not a meltdown of the core

Sep 21, 2024 9:41:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

End of Seth Godins email today… If you’re not regularly getting better at your digital toolbox, you’re actually getting worse.

Sep 21, 2024 10:15:59 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Hum interesting thought 💭

Sep 21, 2024 10:17:05 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Are you dashing today?

Sep 21, 2024 10:18:41 AM Me

Yeah

Sep 21, 2024 10:19:43 AM Me

I want to make money with my computer skills or art. Honestly burned out on dashing

Sep 21, 2024 10:19:56 AM Me

Go figure

Sep 21, 2024 10:22:01 AM Me

— So I should head that way before winter hits hard. That is if Im going that way. Can't see past 48hours and right now I'm not leaving in next 48 Like I mentioned to my parents some likely heading up to Ojai to see if I can have my amount of stuff in storage so I can move into a smaller space

Sep 21, 2024 10:22:09 AM Me

Would likely cut the cost in half

Sep 21, 2024 11:14:42 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

How have you been primary communicating with Sam before phone went out

Sep 21, 2024 11:41:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Email and LinkedIn chat

Sep 21, 2024 11:41:34 AM Me

Email I sent him materials he asked for, email designs, websites, the stuff I dont have on my site

Sep 21, 2024 11:41:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

LI was coordination and logistics

Sep 21, 2024 11:41:52 AM +13038752587

When you spoke with him - was it a voice or video call

Sep 21, 2024 11:41:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

voice

Sep 21, 2024 11:42:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

today would be a good day to follow up

Sep 21, 2024 11:42:47 AM Me

when ur busy a week can blow by, and then the “oh shit, I forgot xyz MIGHT kick in, MIGHT not.

Sep 21, 2024 11:43:15 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

For sure - been happening to me all week

Sep 21, 2024 12:09:51 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

Any suggestion on Sam? I’m thinking email follow up. Short, sweet and to the point

Sep 21, 2024 12:10:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I also have a draft email to Jenica I plan to send. Could have you read that as well. I can send a link.

Sep 21, 2024 12:15:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

updated banner. less busy

Sep 21, 2024 12:15:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/in/bertmahoney

Sep 21, 2024 12:15:49 PM Me

recent photo, like a week or two old

Sep 21, 2024 12:54:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— So plan for rest of day. 1 more hour @ starbucks VTA Head to Ojai. Get Laundry started @ LMat next to Ojai starbucks Dash in Ojai late afternoon and evening.

Sep 21, 2024 12:55:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then sleep, get up do it again.

Sep 21, 2024 1:04:50 PM Me

— Jenica email for you to read thru.

Sep 21, 2024 1:04:53 PM Me

Google Docs

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Sep 21, 2024 1:13:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Just noticed on the job advertisemebnt sam posted it says. No longer recienving applications

Sep 21, 2024 1:13:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😬

Sep 21, 2024 1:14:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have the email draft. I think I’m going to send it. Take a look. Going to run and errand and then will see if you’ve replied. If not I’m sending it

Sep 21, 2024 1:16:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— email — Hi Sam, This is Bert Mahoney. I hope you’ve been well and everything is going smoothly with Hygenix! I am following up on our discussion the week before last about the Marketing Specialist position you’re hiring for. I’m still very excited about the opportunity to contribute to and help grow the company to the scale you envision. Honestly, I’ve been already thinking of things. I completely understand that things can get busy, so no rush on a reply—just wanted to touch base and reaffirm my enthusiasm for the role. Looking forward to hearing from you when you have a chance! Be well, Bert --- How does this sound?

Sep 21, 2024 11:57:18 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Less passiveness, be direct and to the point. Also if you are offering up ideas give an example. Don’t say “when you have a chance.”

Sep 21, 2024 1:48:13 PM Me

how about Sam’s email draft? And thank you for the Hart on Jenica’s email. I think that clearly states things and after sending that to her I can feel good that I communicated what’s in my heart that’s all I can do

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Sep 21, 2024 2:33:44 PM Me

Feeling lots of stress And depression pushing hard Fatigue Brain fog

Sep 21, 2024 2:40:50 PM Me

The side has entered my mind that maybe I don’t belong anywhere and I don’t belong with anyone. I’m just not sure what the fucking message and take away is from this

Sep 21, 2024 2:45:10 PM Me

i’m driving through the middle of Ventura and it says if everybody is out having a good time at all the bars and restaurants and I’m not included in some way it really is an awful feeling. It reminds me of when I was in grade school struggle to get picked for teams

Sep 21, 2024 2:45:48 PM Me

if there’s been one really bad negative about this experience it’s that my sense of being an outsider has been reinforced so hard in my life

Sep 21, 2024 2:46:34 PM Me

well there goes the feeling of just coasting on my brain and we’re now back in depression Land. Fucking hate this

Sep 21, 2024 2:47:00 PM Me

so done with this oscillation into depression. Basically the rest of my day is fucked now

Sep 21, 2024 2:47:34 PM Me

And I’m headed up into a hot fucking Ojai with no air-conditioning. So I get to watch everybody have a good time up there and sweat my ass off two dollars an hour

Sep 21, 2024 2:47:56 PM Me

It’s moments like this when I’m so pleased that I decided not to check out

Sep 21, 2024 2:48:37 PM Me

I’ve never felt the idea of giving up more than I do today

Sep 21, 2024 2:49:51 PM Me

just the intensity of everything gets pushed up exponentially and the desire to get out of this fucking headspace is paramount and you don’t care how it’s done

Sep 21, 2024 2:51:17 PM Me

— you know I can remain chippy and optimistic about my chances. But nobody fucking knows how anything is gonna turn around. That’s why I want to give up why fucking bother it all I’m gonna do is stay miserable it’s just not fucking worth it to me to sit around here and hate my life and hate being alive

Sep 21, 2024 2:51:49 PM Me

The only thing that’s been proven thus far for my efforts is that if I keep trying really hard I’m gonna get nowhere and continue to suffer

Sep 21, 2024 2:52:28 PM Me

I may have to get out my plan thing I don’t know I’m feeling very impulsive

Sep 21, 2024 2:53:22 PM Me

fuck it I’ve been living inside my head in a hamster wheel and now I actually am living in a fucking hamster wheel doing the same shit over and over and over and over Fuck this

Sep 21, 2024 2:55:57 PM Me

sticking around here it’s like I wanna suffer. That’s all I experience now is suffering or flatline there is no joy there is no delight there is nothing happy There’s nothing to look forward to other than DoorDash, yeah exactly

Sep 21, 2024 3:05:57 PM Me

Needed that rant

Sep 21, 2024 3:06:12 PM Me

Almost to Ojai

Sep 21, 2024 3:08:00 PM Me

by the way I’ve always had this deep deep inner anger and dissatisfaction my whole life and for whatever reason I feel like I might almost be getting to the bottom of it

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Sep 21, 2024 3:14:38 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 21, 2024 3:18:02 PM Me

I need your reply on the Sam email that’s kind of urgent I want to send it but I want another set of eyes on it

Sep 21, 2024 3:18:42 PM Me

I’m confident that the email is fine and I’ve had Grammarly check it out but it’s always good to have someone else take a peek

Sep 21, 2024 3:21:42 PM Me

😁

Sep 21, 2024 3:22:22 PM Me

for some reason the mint so far feels snappier with texting. I don’t know about streaming though, FaceTime will be the true test

Sep 21, 2024 3:22:47 PM Me

what I did discover yesterday when going through the sign-up process is that mint is on T-Mobile’s wireless network so I am literally on the same cell towers

Sep 21, 2024 3:26:48 PM Me

people are scratching their heads saying if you’re on T-Mobile‘s network how the fuck do you charge 15 bucks and in one of those funny Ryan Reynolds YouTube videos he simply says we don’t have the overhead they do we don’t have lots of fancy physical offices

Sep 21, 2024 3:27:16 PM Me

— At laundromat. I finally have enough extra money to do my wash. I haven’t washed my clothes in a couple of months

Sep 21, 2024 5:17:23 PM Me

— Sam email

Sep 21, 2024 5:17:48 PM Me

If you responded I didn’t see it

Sep 21, 2024 5:22:24 PM Me

Buehler? Buehler? Buehler?

Sep 21, 2024 5:22:45 PM Me

I think he’s sick

Sep 21, 2024 5:23:12 PM Me

Yeah my friends friend who is friends with one of his friends said this morning they thought he might be sick

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Sep 21, 2024 5:26:19 PM Me

🤣

Sep 21, 2024 5:43:37 PM +13038752587

I’ll read tonight when I get home

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Loved by Me

Sep 21, 2024 10:27:16 PM Me

Sam email?

Sep 21, 2024 10:27:37 PM Me

I would like to send tonight. That way he gets it on Sunday, and if by chance he doesn’t check email he’ll have it first thing Monday

Sep 21, 2024 11:46:50 PM +13038752587

Almost home

Sep 21, 2024 11:47:00 PM Me

Wow That’s my relationship after her father died

Sep 21, 2024 11:47:03 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 21, 2024 11:57:18 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 47 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Less passiveness, be direct and to the point. Also if you are offering up ideas give an example. Don’t say “when you have a chance.”
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 22, 2024 2:16:55 AM Me

Almost texted Elizabeth She’s lying to people about me How do I ask her to stop spreading lies?

Sep 22, 2024 2:18:17 AM Me

I don't want to call her a Kunt but I'm klose

Sep 22, 2024 2:19:34 AM Me

“Listen Kunt stop lying Or I tell everyone on Facebook and LinkedIn how you manipulated me with by withholding sex and intimacy and that you’re a fucking manipulating covert narcissist

Sep 22, 2024 2:20:22 AM Me

i’ll also ask on the Internet for you to explain why you hold a pillow over your head while having sex or better yet does anyone out there on the Internet know why someone would hold a pillow over their own face during sex ?

Sep 22, 2024 2:20:56 AM Me

— Inquiring minds want to know.

Sep 22, 2024 9:15:12 AM Me

Gm

Sep 22, 2024 9:17:21 AM Me

I'm struggling with biting my tongue I want to unload on Liz She's lying about me and telling a make believe story. I plan on calling her out on socials LIAR WIFE BRO KEN VOW DIS HON ORA BLE

Sep 22, 2024 9:17:47 AM Me

SU CK MY DI CK

Sep 22, 2024 9:18:06 AM Me

MAYBE not Last one

Sep 22, 2024 9:18:27 AM Me

what I heard last night got me so mad. She apparently has this big story about how she’s a giant rape victim

Sep 22, 2024 9:19:29 AM Me

I'm NOT OK with lies about me I don’t give a shit if you’re the fucking pope of the Catholic Church I am going to let you fucking know that ain’t OK

Sep 22, 2024 9:20:00 AM Me

She's used to quiet submissive Bert

Sep 22, 2024 9:20:54 AM Me

He's taking a rest now Probably forever since he's been masking for over 50 years

Sep 22, 2024 9:22:03 AM Me

The real me is a vindictive mother fucker you will rue crossing because I NEVER stop reminding u how u fucked me over

Sep 22, 2024 9:50:50 AM Me

I was just 10 feet away from Elizabeth I’ll tell you about it later

Sep 22, 2024 3:16:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

HOla

Sep 22, 2024 3:16:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

online at Starbucks

Sep 22, 2024 3:17:08 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dash for a bit from 3-4

Sep 22, 2024 3:38:02 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

— HOLA

Sep 22, 2024 3:38:09 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

SAM EDIT:

Sep 22, 2024 3:38:18 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

would love your feedback

Sep 22, 2024 3:39:15 PM (Read by them after 43 seconds) Me

— Hi Sam, I hope all is well. I’m following up on our discussion about the Marketing Specialist role. I'm genuinely excited about the opportunity to contribute to Hygenix's growth. I'm eager to hear your thoughts and look forward to our next steps. Be well, Bert

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Sep 22, 2024 3:40:06 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 54 seconds) Me

— Question is “our next steps” too strong?? Should it be “the next steps’

Sep 22, 2024 3:40:18 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 42 seconds) Me

dont want to be presumptuous

Sep 22, 2024 3:57:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, sending Jenica email today. In fact, sending it shortly. I read it to Sherry last night. She said it was very romantic, very considerate, and thoughtful while clearly expressing yourself. She’ll either answer or not. Pretty simple.

Sep 22, 2024 4:40:48 PM Me

Mcfly?

Sep 22, 2024 4:56:10 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

At kids bday party now

Sep 22, 2024 4:56:26 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

First day of fall

Sep 22, 2024 4:56:58 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 22, 2024 4:57:26 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Sep 22, 2024 4:57:32 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

First set morning

Sep 22, 2024 4:57:39 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Second afternoon

Sep 22, 2024 6:23:45 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Its been 10 days. He’s taken the add down. I’ve not heard anything.

Sep 22, 2024 6:24:43 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

discouraged honestly. was thinking based on his talk with me that he was ready to go. It felt like he was going to make an offer on the phone but caught himself.

Sep 22, 2024 6:26:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow. At starbucks. Depressed that my only dash got me $3 today. Have 100 miles in the car but $5 to my name. Nachos and drinks were over $20

Sep 22, 2024 6:26:53 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I’ve added a bit more to my Jenica email. Reflections back on some memorable moments — ones that make me cry because they are SO INTENSE

Sep 22, 2024 7:04:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— My email to Jenica has left the building. Sherry was very moved by it.

Sep 22, 2024 7:04:36 PM Me

I hope Jenica is.

Sep 22, 2024 7:07:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— not feeling well. feeling sick

Sep 22, 2024 7:07:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going to go for a walk while the sun sets.

Sep 22, 2024 7:07:34 PM Me

feeling depression coming on

Sep 22, 2024 7:07:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

random crying in the starbucks

Sep 22, 2024 8:01:27 PM Me

Went hiking. now it’s storage where I usually hang by myself in Ojai at night. Pretty lonely

Sep 22, 2024 8:01:56 PM Me

somehow I found a DoorDash from 9:30 PM tonight until 12:30 AM and then tomorrow morning 5:30 AM until 9 AM I’m gonna be pretty fucking wiped out so onward

Sep 22, 2024 8:02:19 PM Me

— and just in case you don’t read all these threads I’m feeling my feeling right now is that Sam is gone another way 10 days I would’ve heard something by now

Sep 22, 2024 8:05:35 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 22, 2024 8:06:09 PM +13038752587

Let go of any expectations of Sam. Send the email -know for sure - either way ids positive

Sep 22, 2024 8:17:55 PM Me

Sam email ok?

Sep 22, 2024 8:24:55 PM +13038752587

Good to send

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Sep 22, 2024 9:59:25 PM Me

I have a California family lawyer tuned language model through open AI that I got access to before I lost my subscription

Sep 22, 2024 10:00:07 PM Me

I told it exactly where I was paperwork wise It responded with a very long list of things for me to do but it’s excellent. I’m gonna post it to the thing with my parents because I know my dad loves reading that shit

Sep 22, 2024 11:29:27 PM Me

I just delivered DoorDash to Aidan and his friends at a house on Thacher Road. It was addressed to a person named Rachel and I was as surprised to see him as he was me. I know that he thinks poorly of me, but perhaps if he suddenly realizes I’m out hustling at 10:30 at night on a Sunday to make fucking money to eat Maybe he’ll realize I’m not a fucking bum

Sep 22, 2024 11:30:22 PM Me

At least that’s my hope. Fortunately I extended a fist bump towards him and said see you later, and he did fist bump me. I think he was still in a bit of state of shock. He was with a young woman was not his ex-girlfriend apparently someone new

Sep 22, 2024 11:30:32 PM Me

My son can find new women before I can

Sep 22, 2024 11:31:06 PM Me

Although I have not been looking or dating which kind of honestly sucks and magnifies my loneliness exponentially. However I don’t feel it’s right to put myself out there when I don’t have my shit together

Sep 22, 2024 11:31:57 PM Me

Anyhow I’m gonna see how many orders I get period I’m on this till 1230 or if I quit early. And I’m back on at 5:30 AM tomorrow because I need to make money I need to eat

Sep 22, 2024 11:32:25 PM Me

Also I may look on the Starbucks website and see if there are any barista positions available in Glenwood Springs or wherever

Sep 23, 2024 8:20:59 AM Me

Hey

Sep 23, 2024 8:31:00 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning- taking Sarah to work

Sep 23, 2024 8:40:44 AM Me

Depressed. Catatonic, No money. A repeat day

Sep 23, 2024 9:34:13 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just sent email to Sam.

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Sep 23, 2024 9:35:12 AM Me

I’ve already put my mind in “nope” mode. Better to be delightfully suprised and feeling good, than getting really hopeful and excited only to have your balloons popped.

Sep 23, 2024 9:35:28 AM Me

I know you may disagree

Sep 23, 2024 9:36:02 AM Me

but emotionally its far less a speed bump for me when it doesnt go as hoped

Sep 23, 2024 10:04:13 AM Me

5:30am to 9am Only dash i coupd get today

Sep 23, 2024 10:07:03 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

What about in Ventura

Sep 23, 2024 11:17:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

There are no open slots now. I would need to drive down into the zone and HOPE they are so busy they open up. It happens, but its pure chance.

Sep 23, 2024 10:36:18 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I had a tracker on Sam’s email. I can see he opened it just about one hour ago.

Sep 23, 2024 10:37:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Like I said. Operating like I’m about to get the rejection email. I want to work with him, but sadly no my call.

Sep 23, 2024 10:51:05 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

— How Prescient! Wise words from one of my teachers. He says what I mean by “operating as if rejection” is here — befriending it so it can be an ally His emails never fail to inspire… — Befriend unhappiness. Befriend dissatisfaction. Befriend trial and woe. We may not always agree with our friends, but it is much easier to work with allies than enemies. —

Sep 23, 2024 10:54:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I have befriended all 3 of those mentioned above deeply. They are all close, intimate friends of mine. They’ve travelled far and wide in my mind. I find it beyond my skill to articulate it in a way that does justice to the experience. At least in this moment. Perhaps my skills will come to be, perhaps they wont. Either way, I’m mentally ready.

Sep 23, 2024 10:56:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So the universe now knows I’m ready to hear the news. I’ve emailed Jenica — check I’ve emailed Sam — check Follow ups on apps — check Storage downsize underway — check Rough Plan for next 10 days - check

Sep 23, 2024 11:01:20 AM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

— FYI, I am planning on sleeping in my car until I can afford and get a place. I only ask that I may use your shower once and a while, and happy to do it when everyone is out during the day. I don’t want to be in your home or family space unless its for maybe a couple nights, like a weekend stay. I don’t plan on ‘moving in’ like last summer. I am avoiding strife with this plan, as long as it works on a logical level for you. If you can, try to stay objective. Remember, how I’m rolling is how it’s been for me non-stop since end of March. Its no big for me to maintain status quo — know that.

Sep 23, 2024 11:05:47 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— just had the realization that I’ve never owned an iWatch. For someone who has always been using new tech its weird that I’ve never has one and the UX

Sep 23, 2024 11:10:19 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

At hotel - for a few hours

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Sep 23, 2024 11:17:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

There are no open slots now. I would need to drive down into the zone and HOPE they are so busy they open up. It happens, but its pure chance.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 23, 2024 11:17:46 AM Me

Been going for 5 hours already and its 10am

Sep 23, 2024 11:37:22 AM Me

Store Manager and Asst Manager open at Starbucks:

Sep 23, 2024 11:37:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

http://starbucks.eightfold.ai/careers?location=glenwood%20springs&pid=481061332755&domain=starbucks.com&sort_by=relevance&location_distance_km=16.09&hl=en-US

Sep 23, 2024 11:37:35 AM Me

Store Mgr: $65,400-$91,600 annually

Sep 23, 2024 11:37:51 AM Me

expires in 3 days

Sep 23, 2024 11:57:18 AM Me

No slots. Would drive down with 60 miles in batteries

Sep 23, 2024 11:57:52 AM Me

Jenica just called Ripped me a new asshole Said to never contact her again

Sep 23, 2024 12:56:49 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 52 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Because of the email you sent?

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Liked by Me

Sep 23, 2024 1:34:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

It’s ok. Its behind me now with certainty

Sep 23, 2024 11:58:40 AM Me

Im sad, but my heart was already broken. Thats all behind me now.

Sep 23, 2024 11:59:10 AM Me

— The capper to today will be Sams reply

Sep 23, 2024 12:00:04 PM Me

— Kinda numb

Sep 23, 2024 12:00:39 PM Me

Dissociated Feels like you watching your life from the outside

Sep 23, 2024 12:55:48 PM Me

— Turning out that the present moment today is full of melancholy

Sep 23, 2024 12:56:24 PM +13038752587

Hold space for positive things too.

Sep 23, 2024 12:56:49 PM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 52 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Because of the email you sent?

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 23, 2024 1:34:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

It’s ok. Its behind me now with certainty
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 23, 2024 1:35:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One more 30 min block here at Startbucks. WIll make it 3.5 hours here, 3.5 dashing. Its only 1pm

Sep 23, 2024 1:40:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

- Feeling undeserving and simply worthless. No purpose, no value, undesireable. —Multiple things I experience every day reinforce this idea to support it being a fact of my life I can live in denial that I am undesireable, but then I’m masking—not my authentic self As if the idea of deserving something simply because I am… —this doesn’t exist in my world or mind. It’s out there but I don’t subscribe to the alternate one has to be deserving otherwise we have participation trophies and nothing means shit

Sep 23, 2024 1:41:27 PM Me

You’

Sep 23, 2024 1:42:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

youve been along while I’ve been going thru all this. its undeniable that the rejection FAR OUTWEIGHS interest or engagement of any kind.

Sep 23, 2024 1:44:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— At least I have awareness. I know things are fucked up, I am fucked up, and can acknowledge and see all of it

Sep 23, 2024 1:45:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Blessing and a hideous curse

Sep 23, 2024 1:46:00 PM Me

k, into last pomodoro. then going to storage to sift thru things now that its organized. Also talk to Mgmt to see if I can move into smaller unit

Sep 23, 2024 1:47:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— BTW, I lost faith along time ago. Asking me to stay optimistic is a fruitless waste of thought and expression.

Sep 23, 2024 1:47:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feel like I’ve crossed some kind of rubicon

Sep 23, 2024 1:48:06 PM Me

meant chasm

Sep 23, 2024 2:21:36 PM Me

I may go offline rest of the day

Sep 23, 2024 2:21:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feeling too sad to go on

Sep 23, 2024 2:25:24 PM Me

definitely in the why bother stage of things

Sep 23, 2024 2:36:44 PM Me

Spotify took the only money I had for today

Sep 23, 2024 2:38:26 PM ⇲ Me

— Feeling so done with life I was just going to take money out to buy some damn food because I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday

Sep 23, 2024 2:48:10 PM ⇲ Me

😡😡🤬

Sep 23, 2024 2:37:17 PM Me

1/2 jar of PB and 2 slices of bread

Sep 23, 2024 2:37:29 PM Me

91 degrees

Sep 23, 2024 2:38:26 PM ⇱ Me

— Feeling so done with life I was just going to take money out to buy some damn food because I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 23, 2024 2:38:49 PM Me

I just feel fucked over every day I’m gonna go sit somewhere and figure out how to get out of this fucking existence

Sep 23, 2024 2:39:53 PM Me

I’m just so overdoing this fucking song and dance every fucking day. It must’ve been more than six months ago I told you I was living in Groundhog Day and here the fuck I am doing it day after day after day.

Sep 23, 2024 2:40:25 PM Me

I give up

Sep 23, 2024 2:41:00 PM Me

Why in the fuck would you hustle only to find yourself in the same fucking spot the next day I am extending my own fucking torture

Sep 23, 2024 2:42:14 PM Me

To go I want to go drive my car into Lake Casitas high fucking speed right off the cliff sayonaraO

Sep 23, 2024 2:43:17 PM Me

I just gotta have the courage to do it, but if there’s anything I’ve learned I’m a fucking weak ass simple minded nobody who doesn’t fucking matter

Sep 23, 2024 2:43:26 PM Me

Fin

Sep 23, 2024 2:44:56 PM Me

What I just said above is kinda at the court and I don’t have much outside my head that speaks otherwise. I get multiple rejection emails a day and I just don’t want to go on

Sep 23, 2024 2:45:31 PM Me

And don’t tell me to hang in there or be patient or whatever. I’ve done all that and I’m still in the same fucking spot

Sep 23, 2024 2:46:07 PM Me

Like I’ve said before not everybody’s life turns out great. There are some of us who end up in this shit hole at the end

Sep 23, 2024 2:48:10 PM ⇱ Me

😡😡🤬
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 23, 2024 2:48:50 PM Me

Hey but at least everybody can stream music now, right? I’m glad I paid for that

Sep 23, 2024 2:57:04 PM Me

| — Not sure I need to say this but I will If you dont hear from me before EOD u know whats up. Ill have a time delayed email sent your way should I choose to go. I didnt get to choose this path, and I dont want it. I simply choose to refuse to live it. I want off the ride I didnt pick. That HAS TO MAKE SENSE because its logical. Why encourage another to continue down a path of unhappiness?
Edited 4 minutes, 25 seconds later | — Not sure I need to say this but I will I didnt get to choose this path, and I dont want it. I simply choose to refuse to live it. I want off the ride I didnt pick. That HAS TO MAKE SENSE because its logical. Why encourage another to continue down a path of unhappiness?

Sep 23, 2024 3:02:43 PM Me

I’m in a depressive funk. The kind where ur unable to do anything or help ur self, sux

Sep 23, 2024 3:03:22 PM Me

— Find myself screaming into the void everyday

Sep 23, 2024 3:04:53 PM Me

Life simply sucks every fucking day and Ive had my fill

Sep 23, 2024 3:06:23 PM Me

Instead of waking up thinking what a wonderful morning I wonder what exciting things will happen today, I wake up and wonder what the fuck is gonna go wrong today or what’s gonna show up that is gonna stop me from moving forward I get the latter every single fucking day And you know it because I tell you about it. It’s undeniable the track record I have with attracting crap, bullshit and nothing

Sep 23, 2024 3:08:09 PM Me

Plain and simple I just don’t wanna live anymore Living is pain misery and suffering every day for over a year headed towards two. And the depressions been longer than that. I don’t even know why the fuck I’m here

Sep 23, 2024 3:19:28 PM Me

— Shamefully texting Liz to see if she can give me $20 to survive into tomorrow

Sep 23, 2024 3:20:06 PM Me

Just how deep to the fucking bottom do I go??

Sep 23, 2024 3:32:59 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What happen to the funds your dad sent- 155 after mint right? And your money clears when? It’s possible it clears sooner than 9 days

Sep 23, 2024 3:33:39 PM Me

With all my friends doing all the fun things… The 360 is what everyday looks like other than bringing tacos somewhere or at Starbucks. Its a wonderful life 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 23, 2024 3:46:55 PM Me

In a parking lot somewhere crying myself to sleep for a bit in the shade, 96 in the car

Sep 23, 2024 4:01:51 PM Me

— Just dashed 2-3pm because they said it was busy. I got zero deliveries $0

Sep 23, 2024 4:20:34 PM Me

— Got desparate enough to ask Liz for help

Sep 23, 2024 4:29:52 PM Me

She was very kind and helped me out. I was able to sleep for a tiny bit because I only got four or less hours last night and I think that contributes to my mental fragility

Sep 23, 2024 4:30:40 PM Me

I know this about me now that if I haven’t eaten or slept well my propensity for flushing myself down the toilet in five minutes is a very high likelihood

Sep 23, 2024 4:32:29 PM Me

I’m headed to storage to spend maybe an hour or two sorting through things. Want to try an hour or two a day to get through it all

Sep 23, 2024 4:46:22 PM Me

I’ve been thinking about again the fragility and the ease it which I crumble and I’m convinced it is a combination of either sleep deprivation and or food deprivation in combination with my stress levels. I am carrying far far too much stress and as much as I can meditate and let things go, there’s still the Stark reality that life sucks right now

Sep 23, 2024 5:06:35 PM Me

Ps. I feel better now with the sleep and earung

Sep 23, 2024 5:06:38 PM Me

Eating

Sep 23, 2024 6:20:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— The friction I have felt all day has led me to believe that no matter what I want, or what I aspire to there will continually be something stepping in the way to delay, postpone, or take me off track in some way. Not making progress in any areas of life other than perhaps inside myself — but then I have an experience like today And I question why I’m here I’m not here for what I am experiencing now — and all indicators I have are pointing to more of the same. That is the dominant feeling. Feeling like a fucked up loser who literally had the life I wanted and mental illness fucked it all up and took it away from me. I have days where things feel ok (honestly its not that great, its just nice to not feel awful). Then I have days like today

Sep 23, 2024 6:22:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Sick of stories, sick of crying, sick of being unable to get anywhere I realized in all the bullshit I’ve texted to you today is me falling into a deep black well of me telling gigantic tales of suffering to myself — woe is me

Sep 23, 2024 6:23:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

part of me looks back on acting and allowing those decisions of behavior to happen.

Sep 23, 2024 6:24:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

OK, going offline in about 30 mins to go for a walk somewhere outside. Not a neighborhood. Somewhere I can get away from people and the snow globe of society

Sep 23, 2024 6:25:20 PM Me

I’ll be back online later.

Sep 23, 2024 6:25:35 PM (Read by them after 36 seconds) Me

Sep 23, 2024 6:27:03 PM (Read by them after 33 seconds) Me

— I really do. I am sorry. Please accept many apologies.

Sep 23, 2024 8:12:01 PM Me

❤️this song

Sep 23, 2024 8:12:06 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 23, 2024 8:34:33 PM Me

Did a meditation at this bench looking at the sky.

Sep 23, 2024 8:35:05 PM Me

Sep 23, 2024 8:43:25 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Beautiful

Sep 23, 2024 8:43:37 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

Girls bedtime

Sep 23, 2024 8:54:36 PM Me

— Hope u had a good day. Im done for tonight. Have an art idea i may try. Simple thing on computer Otherwise. Hardboiled eggs, cheese, and Alkaline water

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Liked by +13038752587

Sep 23, 2024 8:59:17 PM Me

I have a singles dartmatch tomorrow night in VTA

Sep 23, 2024 9:02:01 PM Me

This is short but I feel this message My problem is I swallowed my objections

Sep 23, 2024 9:02:15 PM Me

YouTube

Sep 24, 2024 8:27:42 AM Me

— Its Tuesday. Woke up the 6th time of the night just now. Feel like I don’t belong here, not my situation, here on Earth. If u were to ask whats the biggest thing Ive learned from this experience is that people can say they love you to your face and lie while looking u in the eye. To have never felt real love hurts. To have to rebuild your entire life from zero hurts To survive in your car for over 1.5 years while people around you live “normal” lives hurts. it not as if im doing nothing to get out of my situation. I have over 1200 applications to show for it Thats alot of rejection on top of being rejected HARD by women who apparently loved you. I have an empty life I mentally and physically self torture to keep going so other people can not have to deal with the pain I AM CARRYING FOR THEM. I didn’t sign up for this. I’m not doing this much longer. I cant keep waking up and being tortured every day with a combination of fear, hope, and despair. Not to mention the incessant rejection. It beats like a drum now.

Sep 24, 2024 8:30:22 AM Me

When I say life sucks I actually mean it

Sep 24, 2024 8:30:39 AM Me

And I got the receipts

Sep 24, 2024 8:38:37 AM Me

Sep 24, 2024 8:41:40 AM Me

— Also, Sam opened my email yesterday. Had a tracker on it. If I dont hear from him today I think its fair to say Im not it.

Sep 24, 2024 10:39:11 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

— I like this workflow. Saw it fly by and captured it.

Sep 24, 2024 11:27:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The force of depression is strong today. The dark side.

Sep 24, 2024 11:28:11 AM Me

its paralyzing

Sep 24, 2024 12:37:44 PM Me

— Just made a mistake on a website and lost alot of work and have to recode it by hand. No backups

Sep 24, 2024 12:40:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Fighting depression all morning. There’s no “settling in” Its Zombie useless staring off into space semi-catatonic Or push and mask to be a functional depressive and pretend my life is normal

Sep 24, 2024 12:40:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Dude, I’m tired of my life.

Sep 24, 2024 12:42:12 PM Me

Very much a “why bother” mindset. When efforts produce no results you wonder WTF you are doing.

Sep 24, 2024 12:42:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Not sure what’s going to happen to me

Sep 24, 2024 12:44:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feels like large chunks of time and life either wasted or taken away from me through no fault of my own fear plain and simple

Sep 24, 2024 12:44:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Your brewing a serious cup of coffee ☕️

Sep 24, 2024 12:51:05 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 35 seconds) +13038752587

https://dd.darrenhardy.com/dads-life-lesson-taught-with-boiling-water

Sep 24, 2024 1:53:27 PM Me

Done trying to do anything today Too depressed Have darts tonight and dont want to go

Sep 24, 2024 1:57:45 PM Me

Anyway… I’m going to leave starbucks shortly and maybe go to ventura early. No dashes scheduled. When i was offline on phone I couldnt schedyle dashes So unless they need xtra help Im SOL next few days. Money hits a week from Thursday.

Sep 24, 2024 1:58:31 PM Me

— Think its fair to say Sam passed on me I would have responded by now even if u didnt have things ready to onboard.

Sep 24, 2024 2:00:32 PM Me

Ok, getting in car. Going to go sit in a parking lot and stare at the trees

Sep 24, 2024 2:00:49 PM Me

Seems to be all I can handle

Sep 24, 2024 2:01:30 PM Me

K, maybe i’ll text later

Sep 24, 2024 2:03:03 PM Me

Ur only one i text, or communcate with, so levels of isolation are high. Im usually ok being that isolated but when depression hits hard the feeling of being outcast skyrockets

Sep 24, 2024 2:06:01 PM Me

—- Isolation Not feeling a part of the world and what everyone’s doing Everywhere u look u see people living lives and some having fun. I don’t feel a part of this place or this world anymore. Pretty simple.

Sep 24, 2024 2:06:32 PM Me

— Everything Ive tried Ive been denied Admission

Sep 24, 2024 2:07:09 PM Me

Anyhow… Gotta put my mask on in case I have to deal with people

Sep 24, 2024 2:07:17 PM Me

Peace out

Sep 24, 2024 3:47:32 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 24, 2024 4:17:32 PM Me

I find myself sitting in a parking lot staring off into space. This isn’t the life I want or imagined for myself. It simply needs to end

Sep 24, 2024 4:22:10 PM Me

I refuse to work at some rando dead end job just so I can perpetuate a place I dont want to be in. Why would I want to continue being here? I’ll tap out. thats a hell I dont want to live

Sep 24, 2024 4:27:32 PM Me

Go work at a job I don’t care about with people I don’t know or care about so that I can go home and sit by myself alone day after day? Fuck that Thats the future I face no matter what I do. I wake up to a nightmare every day, why TF do I want to keep doing that? Thats insane

Sep 24, 2024 4:28:20 PM Me

— Ready to fold my hand of cards, theyre shit.

Sep 24, 2024 4:30:17 PM Me

— I probably shouldnt go to darts. I don’t want to sour the only thing I even moderately enjoy. If I go there feeling like I do I just don’t wanna bring my mindset to Darts it’s it’s just defeatist I won’t have fun

Sep 24, 2024 4:32:48 PM Me

— Didnt think Id get ghosted. Didnt get that vibe during the call. Oh well.

Sep 24, 2024 4:33:04 PM Me

More fucking rejection

Sep 24, 2024 4:38:39 PM Me

I don’t think I’m coming to Colorado. I don’t know what I’m gonna do

Sep 24, 2024 4:41:17 PM Me

A dude walking around the parking lot yelling at himself just walking alone yelling at himself having to stop by my window of my car and asked me if I had some spare change and I didn’t It was as if he just broke out of his trance of yelling at himself to ask me for change and then went right back to it and walked away.

Sep 24, 2024 4:41:39 PM Me

| What’s wild is I talk to myself out loud now when I’m in stores and stuff. I’m so fucking alone I have to hear her voice so I hear my own
Edited 11 seconds later | What’s wild is I talk to myself out loud now when I’m in stores and stuff. I’m so fucking alone I have to hear a voice so I hear my own

Sep 25, 2024 11:31:40 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 54 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

Just got home after another long day

Sep 25, 2024 11:32:38 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 53 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

About to go to sleep 💤 back at it tomorrow all day. Text me when you get up in the morning

Sep 26, 2024 4:36:46 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Hello 👋 what’s happening today?

Sep 26, 2024 10:05:24 PM Me

Same shit. No food today. Depression story

Sep 26, 2024 10:05:35 PM Me

Same story

Sep 26, 2024 10:12:31 PM Me

On lots of depression meds and still depressed. Basically im giving up

Sep 26, 2024 10:21:48 PM Me

| I was done living what I thought was my life a long time ago. I didnt get a life, i got a life of anxiety and depression never feeling safe as a kid because of the people raising me. I was told no for every question I asked so I stopped asking, why bother. i dont want to wake up. Why would I want to wake up and repeat the same day ive had for over 547 times???? Its the definition of stupidity for me to wake up tomorrow and do this again, but thats whats going to happen. i have to keep going so others arent inconvenienced god forbid I simply want this experience to end because its INHUMANE TO BE HERE
Edited 3 minutes later | I was done living what I thought was my life a long time ago. I didnt get a life, i got a life of anxiety and depression never feeling safe as a kid because of the people raising me. I was told no for every question I asked so I stopped asking, why bother. i dont want to wake up. Why would I want to wake up and repeat the same day ive had for over 547 times???? Its the definition of stupidity for me to wake up tomorrow and do this again, but thats whats going to happen. i have to keep going so others arent inconvenienced god forbid I simply want this experience to end

Sep 26, 2024 10:22:14 PM Me

k bye

Sep 26, 2024 10:24:05 PM Me

I'm tired of being alive. Its painful every single day

Sep 26, 2024 10:24:25 PM Me

Cant say it simpler than that

Sep 26, 2024 10:26:00 PM Me

I wanted my life to end yesterday

Sep 27, 2024 12:02:08 AM Me

I dont care enough to live anymore. I dont want to live a life I didnt get to choose that was forced upon me. Im tired and have had enough sadness and suffering for multiple lifetimes. It sucks to have never had true love, or deep inner peace, safety, and groundedness. Ive never been at ease in my own skin, always doubting oneself Doesnt matter what changes my situation is what stays the same. K going to sleep hungry. Have 7:30 am dash for onenhour Another day of melancholytomorrow

Sep 27, 2024 12:17:02 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 44 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

I’m just leaving work in 15m - if you want to talk

Sep 27, 2024 12:17:02 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 27, 2024 8:59:51 AM (Read by you after 44 seconds) +13038752587

Gm - driving back to hotel

Sep 27, 2024 9:04:51 AM Me

dashed made no money no more dashing todaty have no money have no food have no water

Sep 27, 2024 9:04:57 AM Me

another great day on tap

Sep 27, 2024 9:05:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

rather be dead than do another day of this

Sep 27, 2024 9:09:49 AM Me

8am and I want day over and life over. Dont want to wake up into this shit anymore.

Sep 27, 2024 9:19:59 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

-- better off dead

Sep 27, 2024 9:21:02 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

— swimming in my suicide head right now

Sep 27, 2024 9:35:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— cant eat or charge today

Sep 27, 2024 9:36:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so that means I sit in a parking lot allday staring at teh dashboard

Sep 27, 2024 9:38:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

being poor sucks not having money sucks

Sep 27, 2024 9:38:48 AM Me

you cant do shit in this world without money

Sep 27, 2024 9:39:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow I’m begining to fill your text with my stupid ranting wihch goes on in my head non-stop everyday 24/7

Sep 27, 2024 9:41:33 AM Me

“After careful consideration and a thorough review of your application, we regret to inform you that we will not be moving forward with your application at this time. “

Sep 27, 2024 9:42:21 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— “After careful consideration and a thorough review of my life, I regret to inform you that I will not be moving forward with my life at this time.“ that’s what I fee

Sep 27, 2024 9:45:24 AM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

I sense a sense of humor 😍

Sep 27, 2024 9:46:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I wish

Sep 27, 2024 9:46:47 AM Me

I dont laugh anymore

Sep 27, 2024 9:46:52 AM Me

I do, but its fake

Sep 27, 2024 9:47:06 AM Me

I pretend so it doesnt seem weird to other people

Sep 27, 2024 9:49:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— sitting in a coffee shop to use wifi, but get to watch everyone drinking coffee and eating while my stomach does flips. So sit in here to use wifi and subject myself, or sit in my car alone crying all day

Sep 27, 2024 9:50:01 AM Me

anyhow I’ll leave you alone like I have past couple days.

Sep 27, 2024 9:50:12 AM Me

no one needs to hear my shit because I dont fucking matter

Sep 27, 2024 9:51:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just got to grow a pair so I can go thru with it — then this shit ends

Sep 27, 2024 9:52:41 AM +13038752587

When do you get your funds?

Sep 27, 2024 9:52:43 AM Me

its as if the message is, “the pain will keep coming until you check the fuck out” that’s what I see, feel and hear.

Sep 27, 2024 9:53:15 AM +13038752587

That’s depression lying to you.

Sep 27, 2024 9:53:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

money is next thursday lucky if I make it that long

Sep 27, 2024 9:53:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve dropped another level deeper in my head. Didnt think it went deeper, but it does

Sep 27, 2024 9:54:05 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

You will - you our strong

Sep 27, 2024 9:54:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

false belief

Sep 27, 2024 9:54:29 AM Me

not strong, dumb

Sep 27, 2024 9:54:30 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Use your tools 🧰 to shift the shit

Sep 27, 2024 9:55:02 AM Me

definition of stupidity is doing the same shit over and over and not learning your lesson Pretty much sums me up

Sep 27, 2024 9:55:02 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Going into meeting - will check in in a few hours - may have time for call

Sep 27, 2024 9:55:30 AM +13038752587

We can do stupid things , we are not stupid

Sep 27, 2024 9:55:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

dude, take care of yourself I am not your problem

Sep 27, 2024 9:55:52 AM +13038752587

I’m taking Monday off

Sep 27, 2024 9:55:53 AM Me

I am my own problem

Sep 27, 2024 9:56:07 AM Me

k, l8r

Sep 27, 2024 9:57:56 AM Me

just thinking about how to make it neat and tidy so its not a mess when I’m found fucked up to think about htis stuff but here I am

Sep 27, 2024 9:58:33 AM Me

in “taking care of affairs mindset”

Sep 27, 2024 11:21:54 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Did you check in with bank? Perhaps funds have cleared. Also, when you get money - try Ketamine therapy

Sep 27, 2024 11:27:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇲ Me

I’m positive they wont be released until the 3rd. They were very clear about that. Its because its a new account, and its a check–not cash.

Sep 27, 2024 11:29:21 AM ⇲ Me

I would love to try ketamine therapy. However, out here to pay for supervision would likely take the entire $2k for medical supervision, person with proper training, etc. Proper environment. I dont want to have it amazon’d to me and just pop it like asprin. Dont need to be more fucked up than I am

Sep 27, 2024 11:27:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) ⇱ Me

I’m positive they wont be released until the 3rd. They were very clear about that. Its because its a new account, and its a check–not cash.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2024 11:29:21 AM ⇱ Me

I would love to try ketamine therapy. However, out here to pay for supervision would likely take the entire $2k for medical supervision, person with proper training, etc. Proper environment. I dont want to have it amazon’d to me and just pop it like asprin. Dont need to be more fucked up than I am
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2024 11:31:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have to pay car—700 I have to pay storage -200 I have to pay for insurance — 400 to 700 to start up again. Then I need car looked at and I know brakes are on tap. That will likely take the rest of the money, if not be more than I can affored and CANT get brakes done

Sep 27, 2024 11:32:26 AM +13038752587

Research places that are available and costs.

Sep 27, 2024 11:33:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

you realize you’re asking a depressed person to help themselves Even if they do try to help themselves it will move at glacial pace. This I know. I’ve lived it.

Sep 27, 2024 11:32:32 AM Me

I could slowly door dash my way across country. Make enough money to pay for multiple charges

Sep 27, 2024 11:33:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

you realize you’re asking a depressed person to help themselves Even if they do try to help themselves it will move at glacial pace. This I know. I’ve lived it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2024 11:34:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

but 90% of the time they dont want to help themselves. depression is awful, but when you’re in the deep end you BELIEVE you are not worth it, worthless and dont save me mentality.

Sep 27, 2024 11:34:53 AM Me

Not there yet

Sep 27, 2024 11:36:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

the more things fall apart the more NY is where I’ll end up if thats the case, then so be it thats what this feels like to me universe doesnt want me in colorado otherwise gig would have fallen into place and I’d be on my way out of this fucking life hole.

Sep 27, 2024 11:41:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— email tracking shows sam opened it twice on the 23rd, 4 days ago, and that’s all the activity on it. I ended it “looking forward to the next steps” as if I’m assuming it will happen and perhaps that was brazen who the fuck knows… i’ve stopped caring at this point. I apply and if I connect great, otherwise still in a life hole.

Sep 27, 2024 11:43:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— What hurts is I have artistic ambitions but cannot get my brain out of the way. Meaning every time I set aside time to do that I’m either depressed, distracted, or dealing with something else. Have projects I’ve started that I want to keep pushing on, some have been idle for a year, its simply frustrating.

Sep 27, 2024 11:43:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and now my awareness is tuned into the lack of caring or finding anything in activities, etc.

Sep 27, 2024 11:44:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anhedonia, a facet of my depression. Lack of pleasure See link

Sep 27, 2024 11:44:06 AM Me

www.google.com

Sep 27, 2024 11:45:25 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Cleveland Clinic

Sep 27, 2024 11:49:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

What I’ve pasted below is from the page above. This description below is all accurate for me. — What does anhedonia feel like? If you experience anhedonia, you may not “feel” — like there’s an emptiness where you expect your feelings to be. It may feel as if you’re being followed by a dark cloud that’s blocking the sunlight. This can take the form of: Numbness. Boredom. Apathy. Negativity. You may have trouble spending time with people. You may feel like you have nothing to give, whether that’s love, affection or appreciation. This can lead to social isolation — I self isolate. Primarly because I have no resources and if I connect with people money eventually becomes involved and then I can no longer participate.

Sep 27, 2024 11:53:12 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— For example. I hit a 180 in darts last night 3 triple 20’s — the “lipstick” as its known that’s only the 4th one I’ve hit IN MY LIFE and I pulled my darts from the board, put in my score and walked back. I made no fuss. However, someone else did, and I masked a smile. -- then at the end of the night I was asked for $75 for jerseys and the team fee that’s split among the players. Where the fuck am I getting $75 from? I just stared at Tim, my captain who asked about the money, and then nodded my head and said, “OK” in the tone of ‘ no problem, I’ll get it to you “ No one knows that I’m not good for that.

Sep 27, 2024 11:54:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had high point of the night, and big deal. I dont FEEL it. I can see it, but it means nothing to me, it just happened and its there.

Sep 27, 2024 11:58:36 AM Me

let it go and return to the nothingness all night at darts I’m going to email the president of the league this weekend and tell him of my situation and ask to kindly and hopefully quietly let me bow out without any fuss. I’m ok with it and am not emotionally attached to anything, so I dont feel a loss of any kind. it just is and I have to accept what is — if there’s anything I’ve learned while sitting still its that, acceptance.

Sep 27, 2024 12:00:29 PM Me

For example, I have finally accepted my situation fully to the point where it can consume me like a fire would to fuel. The image of the monk, sitting still in meditation on the street while on fire.

Sep 27, 2024 12:00:32 PM Me

I feel that

Sep 27, 2024 12:01:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 27, 2024 12:03:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know what if feels like to have something in your mind consume you and you cannot stop it. No willpower in the world could stop it, no matter how strong.

Sep 27, 2024 12:03:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok. back to the numb

Sep 27, 2024 12:10:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

one last thing came to mind… the extent of my mental torture has elevated to the point where when fully consumed, I am the awareness who feels the emotions triggered by external forces. The awareness knows there is something else, some other way of being, like the 4th dimension. But the awareness can only see 3 dimensions not 4 no matter the amount of reflection only analogy i could think of

Sep 27, 2024 1:31:47 PM Me

— Had to delete or let go of a dash I had scheduled Ventura because I can’t risk eating up the battery getting there and not making enough money to fill my battery again

Sep 27, 2024 1:34:02 PM Me

I hope I can drive down later today because I have an 8 AM – scheduled for tomorrow morning in Ventura and if I don’t get there Oh well

Sep 27, 2024 1:34:28 PM Me

Going out of my fucking mind sitting in a car in a parking lot

Sep 27, 2024 1:41:33 PM Me

If I’m alive by the end of the weekend I’ll be surprised

Sep 27, 2024 1:42:00 PM Me

Every fucking button and trigger I got is getting hit

Sep 27, 2024 1:43:17 PM Me

Sep 27, 2024 1:49:08 PM Me

Spending the day avoiding the sun, no driving, and distracting myself from stomach. Have headache above my right eye, it’s hard to turn my head because my neck muscles are so fucking tight and I can’t get my brain off the hamster wheel. I can stay here next 10 hours then need to move. Going to go to sleep. I have lots to do but I blankly stare at screen Unmotivated 100%

Sep 27, 2024 1:50:41 PM Me

Its 1pm and ive only accomplidhed email today Got my daily rejection email from Nature Conservancy application and not much else

Sep 27, 2024 1:51:31 PM Me

| Used to beat myself up for not working every minute and being a slacker period and now I just don’t care I have this apathy where it just doesn’t matter
Edited 10 seconds later | Used to beat myself up for not working every minute and being a slacker. and now I just don’t care I have this apathy where it just doesn’t matter

Sep 27, 2024 2:19:22 PM +13038752587

Maybe some dash will open up in Ojai

Sep 27, 2024 2:33:07 PM ⇲ Me

It did and dashed for nearly an hour because of it being busy and did not score

Sep 27, 2024 2:29:24 PM Me

Sleeping to not feel hungry

Sep 27, 2024 2:29:39 PM Me

And to just make the day go by

Sep 27, 2024 2:29:51 PM Me

So I can wake up and do this all over again tomorrow I’m so so excited

Sep 27, 2024 2:33:07 PM ⇱ Me

It did and dashed for nearly an hour because of it being busy and did not score
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2024 2:34:28 PM Me

The algorithm prefers people who are scheduled over those added on I’ve done it enough to know that’s how it works. So the algorithm will ask you to dash as a buffer in case all the people scheduled are too busy But if the people scheduled are somehow able to get all the orders You won’t get any

Sep 27, 2024 2:35:57 PM Me

And to add to all of it I got to sit waiting to make a left turn onto the major road out of Starbucks and had to wait while Elizabeth turned in in her jeep. I gave a half smile and a wave and she saw me I was heading out on the dash at that time Proved to be fruitless

Sep 27, 2024 2:49:28 PM Me

I can survive on $20 a day. 10 for food, ten for charge. Thats how its been on average for months. There is no buffer or saving U spend to survive

Sep 27, 2024 2:50:17 PM Me

Days u dont make 20 u go with less food or dont charge in hope you don’t blow the battery until the next day trying to get 10 bucks to charge

Sep 27, 2024 2:51:08 PM Me

I have about 4 to 6 places that I park consistently otherwise it’s fine $20 to survive every day. Pretty much life now. Been this way for at least a solid six months now

Sep 27, 2024 2:51:21 PM Me

Post Jenica

Sep 27, 2024 5:57:17 PM Me

— Have 44 on battery. Going to VTA shortly Dash at 8am but may not have the miles to make enoigh $$ VTA deliveries can be 5-10mils one way

Sep 27, 2024 6:27:04 PM Me

Sep 27, 2024 6:27:17 PM Me

Now here

Sep 27, 2024 6:27:29 PM Me

Have 39 miles on battery

Sep 27, 2024 6:34:14 PM Me

— BREAKING: New Awarenesses Discovered. When I wake up and do not get coffee in me asap, i can go mental as witnessed today The “mental” part is creating fiction to intensify or justify the feelings inside. Thats fuel to fire. When I go mental on any trigger and spiral i write fiction. Now I can work on working with it, instead of just being slammed by it.

Sep 27, 2024 6:36:06 PM Me

I am depressed however this experience of trigger and spiral is layered on top of it

Sep 27, 2024 6:36:33 PM Me

So while I may not be in a spiral I am still feeling quite depressed

Sep 27, 2024 6:37:01 PM Me

Or it’s the aehnedonia, the lack of enjoying anything at all

Sep 27, 2024 6:46:58 PM Me

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I'm now parked front row to the ocean The 10 foot wide path which you can see from the pole with the wires across to a curb in my car is up against the curb

Sep 27, 2024 6:48:34 PM Me

— Since I’m in such a good parking spot I’m gonna chill here for a few minutes and then I’m gonna go to a walk to occupying mind and body. Stomach won’t fucking quit talking anyhow

Sep 27, 2024 8:06:30 PM Me

35 miles left on my car and still have some more miles to go to get where I want to be. I’m afraid I’m gonna run out of battery. As it is now I can’t charge or eat so I’m kind of fucked

Sep 27, 2024 8:08:03 PM Me

Why am I putting up with this shit when I should just simply fucking end this miserable fucking existence

Sep 27, 2024 8:08:16 PM Me

That’s a real feeling right now not a fiction

Sep 27, 2024 8:08:41 PM Me

I mean who does it did I fuck over to have to fucking starve and live in my car for going on almost 2 years

Sep 27, 2024 8:09:56 PM Me

Can’t anyone understand why I don’t want to live? I feel completely unheard completely not understood and largely just fucking floating out in the world on my own and fine

Sep 27, 2024 8:10:26 PM Me

I’ve got so much rejection I’ve got some for everybody. And there goes the warning on my car 31 miles and counting

Sep 27, 2024 8:11:59 PM Me

Depression is on me hard right now

Sep 27, 2024 8:12:09 PM Me

And so is being fucking poor

Sep 27, 2024 8:15:18 PM Me

Spotify

Sep 27, 2024 8:18:24 PM Me

— Never had this feeling before

Sep 27, 2024 8:19:39 PM Me

Sep 27, 2024 8:20:29 PM Me

Parked. deciding if I want to keep living

Sep 27, 2024 8:21:58 PM Me

The feeling of making the decision feels detatched, dissociated. Emotionless No crying about it Make a choice Move the fuck on Black and white

Sep 27, 2024 8:23:03 PM Me

Ive never felt this detached emotionally from thinking about it Means im not scared

Sep 27, 2024 8:27:56 PM Me

- Im no ones problem but my own And im certainly a fucking problem A bonafide reject with receipts

Sep 27, 2024 8:28:10 PM Me

Hundreds

Sep 27, 2024 8:29:07 PM Me

— Everything about my existence is telling me to stop existing — I have so much fun every day

Sep 27, 2024 8:31:04 PM Me

I should be distracting myself with YouTube or social media or something but I’m not I’m sitting here with myself that’s what I do I don’t spend time on the computer really anymore I get no enjoyment from any of that shit anymore

Sep 27, 2024 8:32:19 PM Me

I sit here in silence and just fucking stare at the battery go down

Sep 27, 2024 8:33:20 PM Me

Sep 27, 2024 8:43:27 PM ⇲ Me

No battery for dashing. That number is deceiving more like 10

Sep 27, 2024 8:38:30 PM Me

Maybe i just leave the car, with the phone inside and walk away from this life.

Sep 27, 2024 8:43:27 PM ⇱ Me

No battery for dashing. That number is deceiving more like 10
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 27, 2024 8:48:00 PM Me

That WAS tomorrows dash schedule. Unfortunately ran out of Money and miles

Sep 27, 2024 8:53:06 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 55 seconds) +13038752587

What do you need to keep the schedule

Sep 27, 2024 8:58:38 PM Me

$20 will charge (10$ min) And get me enugh. Other $10 is $5.99 for turkey and 3.79 for cheese Turkey and cheese can keep me fed for whole day, maybe more. I ration when i have to

Sep 27, 2024 9:00:38 PM Me

$10 will get me to ~65 - 85 miles Money i make from frist dash of day should pay for a second charge and get me thru rest of day and dashing. First is ventura Then drive to ojai for kunch and dinner

Sep 27, 2024 9:01:24 PM Me

2.5 in ventura has potential > $30 if busy

Sep 27, 2024 9:01:59 PM Me

I could have more than $50 EOD Tomorrow It literally just depends on how many orders show up

Sep 27, 2024 9:02:21 PM Me

Have I mentioned how much I hate being depressed?

Sep 27, 2024 9:02:32 PM Me

😀

Sep 27, 2024 9:04:05 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

So 20$

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Sep 27, 2024 9:06:50 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

?

Sep 27, 2024 9:07:05 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

At work - reason for short messages

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Sep 27, 2024 9:20:42 PM Me

Yes

Sep 27, 2024 9:50:13 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Sent

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Sep 27, 2024 9:50:23 PM Me

Darrell Ritchie paid you $20.00 ⛽

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Sep 27, 2024 9:52:41 PM Me

Life jacket to the morning dash

Sep 27, 2024 9:59:05 PM Me

Also, im listening to an incredible book called reboot I have enough stress that I don’t even know if I’ve shared that with you yet

Sep 27, 2024 9:59:23 PM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/0062932810?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=library_overflow

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Sep 27, 2024 10:20:04 PM Me

Sep 27, 2024 10:49:45 PM Me

Charging now

Sep 28, 2024 8:34:50 AM Me

Im up. Realizing im not looking forward to today Or any day forward right now Its all rejection and the psychology that comes with it Realizing that I dont want to put myself out there again to try and connect with another woman Being rejected in the heart hurts way more than job shit Im too fucking wounded and feral to be good to anyone Maybe thats what businesses sense when looking at me, a dead end rejected loser who isnt good for anyone.

Sep 28, 2024 8:35:46 AM Me

Turning into a bitter, angry asshole who isnt afraid to tell you youre an asshat to your face

Sep 28, 2024 8:37:14 AM Me

Bitter Angry Reclusive Outcast Rejected Did i mention bitter and angry???

Sep 28, 2024 8:39:56 AM Me

K ill be quiet. Im just fed up and I want to die. Don’t want to live this life anymore. Pretty simple.

Sep 28, 2024 8:41:25 AM Me

Everyday forward, if current living is taken into account, will be more of the same Sorry, I didnt sign up for this

Sep 28, 2024 8:47:33 AM Me

I’m going to email Sam again today and just say that since I didn’t hear back I take it he’s headed in a different direction than working with me and before I go pursue something else I wanted to confirm

Sep 28, 2024 8:48:02 AM Me

I believe I already know the answer but confirmation would be a bad thing

Sep 28, 2024 9:30:22 AM Me

I’m feeling a really strong urge to text Jenica that I got rejected by a gold digger. She always said I didn’t reject you. But she did and she rejected me because of money which is gold digging so I just wanna fucking say it out loud I’m hurt and I wanna say that

Sep 28, 2024 9:33:04 AM Me

I have so much anger in me right now

Sep 28, 2024 9:45:39 AM Me

I’m not made for this world I don’t belong here

Sep 28, 2024 9:47:54 AM Me

I’m pretty sure I can’t wait for mother nature to decide when I leave this world so I am going to take it into my own fucking hands You know it’s not like I didn’t try. I tried like a motherfucker but nobody wants you When that happens to me I just go the fuck away and that’s what I wanna do

Sep 28, 2024 9:50:21 AM Me

I don’t wanna be a part of this reality anymore

Sep 28, 2024 9:51:06 AM Me

There is nothing good here in my existence again I am the definition of fucking stupidity doing this same fucking day over and over again It’s like when the fuck am I gonna learn that ain’t gonna change and I need to check out and move on

Sep 28, 2024 9:59:42 AM Me

Feels good to get those words out of my head

Sep 28, 2024 10:50:37 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, I just sipped hot coffee. I feel ok now.

Sep 28, 2024 10:52:22 AM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I go mental in the mornings now until I get coffee. Ready for harakiri (腹切り

Sep 28, 2024 2:30:43 PM Me

Hey there, I had a counseling session with Laurie today and it was super helpful. I had a good talk with her about this week and all the ideation and breaking down and fiction. She was very supportive of the idea of me going to Colorado so much so she wants to know how much The charging will cost me from here to you and she said she wants to help me pay for that. She just wants to see me get out of this rut and new place after nearly a year here living in the car it’s time to change

Sep 28, 2024 2:33:04 PM Me

I just had a DoorDash to Thacher from Starbucks and was able to pick up my medication from Declan. And I got great news from Declan that made my day. He has a job his first job at the local supermarket and he starts this upcoming week he was whining about it already, and I told him that will go away as soon as you see the numbers on that first paycheck

Sep 28, 2024 4:01:22 PM Me

Sep 28, 2024 7:26:18 PM Me

Hey there, I hope you’re doing OK and your mental health is as good as it can be. I know I am self-absorbed but that simply because I’m buried in a sewer somewhere. At storage and figuring out downsizing. Downsizing my storage unit is the one thing that must happen before I go anywhere it will save me money until I figure out what to do with my stuff

Sep 28, 2024 7:27:44 PM Me

In my session with Laurie today we talked about this week and where I’m at and what should be going on or what my options are. We both agree that New York while it’s there is not the best option for me simply because it is fraught with triggers and would requirea lot of awareness diligence and effort on my part to be cool and the gang

Sep 28, 2024 7:28:31 PM Me

New York Winters as you know can be sunless. I can’t live without the sun because I get incredibly depressed. Exponentially compared to normal people affected by no sun So for me New York in the winter is out of the question

Sep 28, 2024 7:28:42 PM Me

Spring summer fall fine

Sep 28, 2024 7:29:02 PM Me

But not October to March, it is literally Gray 99% of the time

Sep 28, 2024 7:31:20 PM Me

You wanna know why New Yorkers are miserable?? that’s it

Sep 28, 2024 7:31:46 PM Me

The rest of the year the recovering. Then it comes back again and they just get crankier until summer hits and then they’re kind of in a good mood for a while

Sep 28, 2024 7:32:27 PM Me

I remember wearing sweaters and jackets and going into pizza places where they had the fucking heat turned up so bad and you just felt fucked up from having all that synthetic clothing on eating pizza and running around chasing kids having the adults yell at you to stop fucking running around

Sep 28, 2024 7:33:30 PM Me

If I could have one thing to do over in this lifetime it would be to have a loving safe supportive secure childhood and upbringing where I felt safe to express myself and confident in who I was and knowing who I am

Sep 28, 2024 7:34:25 PM Me

I’d simply want that one thing, because it would change the entire life I would live after that it would give me everything that I desire that is for whatever reason out of my reach because of mental illness red tape life curveballs Etc

Sep 28, 2024 7:35:01 PM Me

Sep 28, 2024 7:35:33 PM Me

Not too bad for 4 to 5 hours of dashing in Ojai got roughly $55 This is the best DoorDash day I have had in three weeks at least

Sep 28, 2024 7:36:06 PM Me

The morning in Ventura was not great only six bucks. Which is weird because today was like opposite day. Usually Ventura shows me the money and Ojai is sucking a bowling ball through a cocktail straw

Sep 28, 2024 7:36:40 PM Me

I’m staying in Ojai tonight. I only have one more DoorDash day in Ventura between now and next weekend and I think I’ll leave it at that. The rest of the week I’m gonna DoorDash here.

Sep 28, 2024 7:37:59 PM Me

— You know it’s not like I ask you for help or anything, but if you have a moment and could help me think of a way to tell my dart people that I’m going to leave town They play online all the time and I can certainly enter my scores remotely and play wherever the fuck I am at the same time they are playing in Ventura here. Could I stay and still play but they would have to make a gigantic exception for me. And I hope they will

Sep 28, 2024 7:40:22 PM Me

Here’s the thing, as I will tell them as far as I know this move is temporary I don’t know where I will ultimately end up but I would like to be back in Ventura County somewhere Even though Jenica is there, if I go away and am able to get my shit together and my ducks in a row and get life rocking and rolling to the point where I can come back here and afford to live then I will. I really like what’s here and I like the people and the vibe Ventura is Super chill. If I was speculating I would say Jeff’s spicoli was born in Ventura

Sep 28, 2024 7:41:45 PM Me

Sep 28, 2024 8:00:11 PM Me

— Let me know if you have 15 minutes or maybe a half an hour to either FaceTime or FaceTime audio. In session today, Laurie forced my hand and said you need to move on. Enforced me to make a decision, Colorado and New York

Sep 28, 2024 8:01:33 PM Me

We discussed the pros and cons of each. If I go to Colorado I could spend some time on one side of the mountains and then go back to the other and visit, in some sort of pattern where I’m not wearing out my welcome. At least until I can get on my own feet So that’s why I want to get on the phone it’s a lot faster than texting Homer’s Odyssey to figure out logistics 🤣🤣🤣

Sep 28, 2024 8:02:54 PM Me

note: in Colorado I am nobody. Ventura County especially Ojai I bump into people I know a lot. This discouraged me from taking a job at the supermarket or some other basic service thing like a barista or manager at Starbucks. You know what I mean. When I come out that way I can take those jobs and not have that in the back of my mind or have it as some kind of stigma/trigger

Sep 28, 2024 8:03:01 PM Me

you know what I’m talking about

Sep 28, 2024 8:03:42 PM Me

like I won’t mind working the graveyard shift at the supermarket restocking the shelves listening to audiobooks or music or podcasts getting paid to tidy up the shelves. I’d be really good at that

Sep 28, 2024 8:04:24 PM Me

You know me. Tell me what the fuck you need done, show me where shit is, asked me if I got any questions. If I don’t have questions when I do I will find you.

Sep 28, 2024 8:06:03 PM Me

If I dash tomorrow and can make an extra 10 bucks I might be able to afford putting my car into one of those total robot car wash things. Not like the ones where people take it and shine it up afterwards. These are the ones where you get on the little track make sure your windshield wipers aren’t going and your antenna is down and you go through the spaghetti With all the foam spinners and the water spray and then the big vacuum That’s what I’m talking about

Sep 28, 2024 8:06:47 PM Me

I feel so bad because my car needs love and I don’t have the resources to get what it needs. Once I get some resources I’m gonna pay for a top level detail

Sep 28, 2024 8:07:07 PM Me

I’m also gonna get it some new rims nicer tires

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Sep 28, 2024 8:07:22 PM Me

And get ceramic window tinting that keeps the UV out that makes your car heat up on the inside

Sep 28, 2024 8:07:40 PM Me

I’ve done the research because it gets fucking hot out here in your car you can burn your ass sitting down

Sep 29, 2024 9:37:51 AM Me

Seth's Blog

Sep 29, 2024 11:41:15 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

2 new “WORDS ON IMAGES” from a series I’m doing.

Sep 29, 2024 11:41:26 AM Me

Sep 29, 2024 11:41:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 29, 2024 11:42:54 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

All the words and phrases I have written down from this experience…

Sep 29, 2024 11:43:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Sep 29, 2024 11:46:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ll be using alot of my own photography like the one above to help ilustrate the statements

Sep 29, 2024 11:46:46 AM Me

Let me know what you think.

Sep 29, 2024 11:47:00 AM Me

The mental series could be powerful

Sep 29, 2024 11:47:54 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

certainly open up some eyes to people who think I’m was this über confident and chill dude when honestly I was just playing a role, a character…

Sep 29, 2024 11:48:57 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I was acting, playing the role of Bert, my whole life. My life, up until recently, was all about people pleasing, not upsetting the horsecart, and keep the peace no matter the cost to me personally because (as I thought) I don’t matter.

Sep 29, 2024 11:49:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I visted Sherry last night here in Ojai. She knows I want out of here. Anyhow, was sharing insights/downloads with her.

Sep 29, 2024 11:51:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She said to me, “My god you should be an actor! You’re expressive, energetic, you have a ‘look’ Made me think… I have enough life experience now that I can tap into MANY different mindsets and occupy it like yesterday. I can turn that on/off but unfortunately not depression

Sep 29, 2024 11:52:42 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

anyhow…. Let me know what you think about “words on images” and if its something worth continuing. I have lots of ideas I can pour energy and time into so I wont be hurt. I can switch to another idea.

Sep 29, 2024 11:53:06 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

thinking I could do one or two a day

Sep 29, 2024 11:53:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, its just about 11am here and I’ve been sitting in the same spot in starbucks for the past 3 hours. My ass hurts

Sep 29, 2024 11:56:02 AM Me

only slept 4 hours last night. was talking with sherry until 1:30ish she’s been thru divorce so she can relate, and she’s a highly spiritual person so shes infintely interested in personal growth etc. She’s also a great listener. I don’t have many people to share everything with, but I need an outlet that isnt me making things for just me to look at. It needs to be out there.

Sep 29, 2024 11:56:24 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

A “speaking my truth” operation u know what I mean

Sep 29, 2024 11:57:55 AM Me

working on a new image for my homepage using these selfies. My concept is good, have to see what it looks like in execution. Going to build a clone of my homepage with the new concept and send you the alternate URL

Sep 29, 2024 11:58:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

adding new headline Design Makes Money.\

Sep 29, 2024 12:24:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll send some screen caps before it goes live

Sep 29, 2024 12:24:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW — u there?

Sep 29, 2024 12:24:49 PM Me

Or am I texting into the abyss?

Sep 29, 2024 1:53:56 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Working lots

Sep 29, 2024 1:54:27 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

May have time later tonight

Sep 29, 2024 12:26:02 PM (Read by them after 28 seconds) Me

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… u would do that if you KNEW you could land safe, for sure

Sep 29, 2024 12:26:36 PM Me

imagine not seeing the bottom at all and jumping?? fuuuuuuck

Sep 29, 2024 12:27:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and as you fall, you suddenly find yourself in total darknesss with a pin hole behind you….

Sep 29, 2024 12:28:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

lmk, if or when we could talk about the idea of me driving out there. I have some ideas that I want to share, and I have a plan, but havent shared with anyone yet.

Sep 29, 2024 4:09:22 PM ⇲ +13038752587

Possibly this evening around 9 Or tomorrow evening

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Sep 29, 2024 1:53:56 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Working lots
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Sep 29, 2024 1:54:27 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

May have time later tonight
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 29, 2024 3:12:50 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 43 seconds) Me

new homepage idea LMK

Sep 29, 2024 3:12:53 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney — I design reasoned solutions to complex ideas | Systems + Design Thinker: AI, UX, UI, UCD, a11y

Sep 29, 2024 4:09:22 PM ⇱ +13038752587

Possibly this evening around 9 Or tomorrow evening

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Sep 29, 2024 4:09:23 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 29, 2024 10:28:38 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Driving home now

Sep 29, 2024 10:44:18 PM Me

K

Sep 29, 2024 10:44:31 PM Me

I am here in Ojai DoorDash until 12:30 AM

Sep 29, 2024 10:46:33 PM Me

If you have time you can try to call, however I get it because I am wiped out tired myself. I’m going to sit in Loan’s parking lot and wait to see if anything happens I’ll set an alarm for 12:30 AM in case I fall asleep and I get no orders Which is likely on a Sunday night in a tiny place like Ojai

Sep 29, 2024 10:49:06 PM Me

FYI there are many hybrid opportunities in Boulder and surrounding areas in the technology space and if I were willing to go into an office a few days a week I may be able to find a place that’s mutually beneficial to me and the organization. I have just started that two days ago Specific to that region I may expand it to Denver but I imagine there’s more technology in Boulder than Denver unless you wanted to work for the government or some gigantic corporation

Sep 29, 2024 10:57:25 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Just got back- goiig. To sleep. 💤 Let’s connect tomorrow

Sep 29, 2024 10:57:27 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Sep 30, 2024 9:20:19 AM Me

Gm Police woke me up with flashlights shining in my car in middle of the night. Told me I cant park in an empty parking lot over night as I have for a year. Didnt argue, just said ok, amd they left Pretty sure u cannot be ticketed for being homeless in CA but I need to research it Like i need anything else to do

Sep 30, 2024 9:20:34 AM Me

Great start to the week

Sep 30, 2024 9:22:11 AM Me

And now the sherriff is parked outside my car. Woke up and they were there. Unsure if I should drive away. They may have run my plate and know I dont have insurance and are waiting yo see me drive it and then I get a fat ticket. This sucks

Sep 30, 2024 10:41:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

-- great article from Chris Today:

Sep 30, 2024 10:41:37 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.yearofmentalhealth.com/p/getting-things-done-is-a-tower-defense

Sep 30, 2024 10:41:49 AM Me

never thought of GTD that way, but makes sotal sense

Sep 30, 2024 10:47:27 AM Me

— THIS is my top issue, or at least I had NO AWARENESS of it, or that it was happening. “Part of mindfulness practice is selective thinking, which is choosing the thoughts we focus on, instead of connecting with whatever thought that arises in the mind.”

Sep 30, 2024 10:52:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— LMK if you have time to talk on phone today. Cool if not, BUT send me bullet points, or thoughts about me coming out that way. If you think otherwise, I can always keep driving to NY. Not ideal, but its there. Better than the street. @Starbucks now. 3 priorities today: 1. Storage space time for downsizing 2. VCDA Board Meeting @ 7:30pm 3. Create new search criteria for job search — look for hybrid roles in Boulder or Denver area. Run the search. Look at output and decide Also, I need to move my body today. Been sleeping in car, walking into startbucks, back to car, get in/out of car and that’s about it. Hips and back are starting to feel it

Sep 30, 2024 10:54:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Also, i’m in normalized depression mode. This means I have light depression, and basically look and act like a neurotypical

Sep 30, 2024 10:57:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Seth's Blog

Sep 30, 2024 10:57:13 AM Me

this is really good:

Sep 30, 2024 10:57:14 AM Me

Seth's Blog

Sep 30, 2024 11:12:27 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— wondering why I’m doing anything today. feel deep, bone deep, fatigue in mind and body

Sep 30, 2024 11:21:43 AM Me

— years of running to stand still.

Sep 30, 2024 11:23:46 AM Me

Feeling the dark side growing now :-(

Sep 30, 2024 11:25:22 AM Me

Really sucks I know whats coming… ☹️ A throw away day where i get nothing done, feel like shit all day, and go to bed to repeat.

Sep 30, 2024 11:26:33 AM Me

Have had months of those days over course of the year Just gone. No memories of them because you dont make memories when depressed At least i dont

Sep 30, 2024 11:29:38 AM Me

Bye bye day 👋

Sep 30, 2024 12:25:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I sit alone in my head all day I sit alone inside technology all day I sit alone all day Greatest time of connectivity in humanity, and I’m more alone than I have ever been. —

Sep 30, 2024 12:29:13 PM ⇲ +13038752587

That’s a post to share - I imagine many people will relate with it.

Sep 30, 2024 12:25:58 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Fear kept me from developing lasting relationships with people.

Sep 30, 2024 12:29:13 PM ⇱ +13038752587

That’s a post to share - I imagine many people will relate with it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Sep 30, 2024 12:29:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Only reason you still talk to me, is because you’re related to me. Yeah, its partly choice now, but I was forced upon you since before you knew yourself. Have you ever considered that?? Look at me objectively, not your cousin or relative, but just some rando. Why is it I have literally no one who is not related to me, that would ever seek me out, for any reason. Say that again. No one has a reason to seek me out unless they’re related to me and need something, or some information. I can provide access to all of that information —

Oct 01, 2024 10:08:49 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 50 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Well I always called you my friend first who happens to be my cousin.

Oct 01, 2024 10:12:44 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 55 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You made a choice to keep others at a distance. You are male. (So many men I know do not really socialize). People are caught up in their own shit. Busy chasing the money to pay for a life that they were conditioned to need.

Sep 30, 2024 12:30:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can make all my information accessible. Then I’m no longer needed in any capacity

Sep 30, 2024 12:31:11 PM Me

— Truly... why the fuck am I hear other than to continuously fail to choose not suffering and stew in it?

Sep 30, 2024 12:31:52 PM Me

— I simply fucked somebody or something over REALLY hard to be here karmas a bitch and then you die

Sep 30, 2024 12:34:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I brainstream to you. Always end up shitting and barfing all over the text threads, and then I come back and apologize for the thing I’ve already done over and over — again whats the definition of stupidity??

Sep 30, 2024 12:34:46 PM Me

—

Sep 30, 2024 12:45:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Police Woke up this morning and they were parked outside my car for 45 mins. I was frozen inside thinking if I drove away they would ticket me for not having car insurance ( I dont, I cant afford it ) So I sat there for an hour until the other police car came, they sat and talked for 10 minutes, and then drove away. Feel like a marked man. Literally shaking uncontrollably as type this…. — Where do you go, when no one wants you, or wants you around? talk about suicide trigger jesus H fucking christ

Oct 01, 2024 10:16:10 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 29 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Is it possible it had nothing to do with you, since they did not engage you at all. Just coincidence?

Oct 01, 2024 10:17:34 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Sounds like they were just hanging in the area. Or waiting to go somewhere once the other car came

Sep 30, 2024 12:51:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Where does one go when no one wants you around, not even the public?

Sep 30, 2024 12:53:24 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— I want to text Elizabeth about the Police incident last night. Pretty sure she wouldnt like someone shining a flashlight into her bedroom window in the middle of the night when YOUR FUCKING DOING NOTHING WRONG BUT TRYING TO FUCKING EXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sep 30, 2024 1:58:41 PM Me

— hard to do anything at computer. concentration on screen is REALLY hard this sucks if this is a permanent thing

Sep 30, 2024 1:59:21 PM Me

leaving starbucks. headed to storage. Spend time going thru stuff to downsize. hopefully my brain can do that

Sep 30, 2024 2:00:30 PM Me

— again the idea of not having a solid good day in over 5 years is really depressing been depressed for so long I dont even know passing of time when depressed and memories are impossible in this mind

Sep 30, 2024 2:00:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I cant shake the feeling of being really stupid

Sep 30, 2024 3:16:40 PM Me

Was just thinking that as of right now I am still here. I’m not leaving California.

Oct 01, 2024 10:11:35 AM Me

Another miserable fucking day out here

Oct 01, 2024 11:33:32 AM Me

How are things going fer ya

Oct 01, 2024 1:26:44 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Under a pile at hotel. 🏨 hopefully this week I will get some systems in place

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Oct 01, 2024 12:16:16 PM Me

Hi, I'm a recruiter with Kforce. We have remote online part-time/full-time jobs! Your background and resume have caught the attention of several online recruiters, so we would like to offer you a job that you can do from home in your free time. This job is easy, with personal training and no time limits. Daily pay ranges from $200 to $1,500 and is paid on the same day. (Requirements: 22 years and older) If interested, please contact us by adding WhatsApp at +16028071287

Oct 01, 2024 12:16:26 PM Me

Text scam

Oct 01, 2024 12:16:46 PM Me

Not from kforce email. Some rando gmail

Oct 01, 2024 1:26:44 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Under a pile at hotel. 🏨 hopefully this week I will get some systems in place

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 01, 2024 2:12:50 PM Me

Anytime to talk today?

Oct 01, 2024 2:16:03 PM Me

I dont want to head that way without a plan. Im thinking of asking Don and Tree if I can crash downstairs until I can get any gig and start making $$$. I could pay them some $$ when Im making but not enough saved yet to move Make sense? I can start looking for gigs out here I’ve already adjusted my search terms for hybrid or in person work for the Denver Boulder area. There are a lot more of those positions than used to be

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Questioned by Me

Oct 01, 2024 7:51:18 PM ⇲ Me

???

Oct 01, 2024 2:16:43 PM Me

I just don’t wanna waste anyone’s time or effort. I don’t want to spin anyone’s wheels especially my own 😁 Im fucking tired

Oct 01, 2024 2:18:05 PM Me

— One part of my shadow i ❤️ is my ability to be drop dead blunt most times to the surprise of the listener 😂

Oct 01, 2024 2:19:12 PM Me

Im being nice by telling u the truth to your face. No mask of niceness Like i said read from the top.

Oct 01, 2024 4:29:05 PM Me

Oct 01, 2024 4:30:39 PM Me

Oct 01, 2024 7:51:18 PM ⇱ Me

???
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 01, 2024 8:05:27 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 55 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll catch up on thread on bus ride home tonight.

Oct 01, 2024 10:01:34 PM Me

Bus?

Oct 01, 2024 10:05:43 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

No bikes 🚲 on bus after 6pm?? Waiting for ride home from server who lives in the neighborhood

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Oct 01, 2024 10:05:44 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 01, 2024 10:06:13 PM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Some days I catch the bus so Sarah can have the car

Oct 01, 2024 10:08:49 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 50 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Well I always called you my friend first who happens to be my cousin.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 01, 2024 10:12:44 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 55 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You made a choice to keep others at a distance. You are male. (So many men I know do not really socialize). People are caught up in their own shit. Busy chasing the money to pay for a life that they were conditioned to need.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 01, 2024 10:16:10 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 29 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Is it possible it had nothing to do with you, since they did not engage you at all. Just coincidence?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 01, 2024 10:17:34 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Sounds like they were just hanging in the area. Or waiting to go somewhere once the other car came
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 01, 2024 10:24:13 PM Me

Im so tired that im going to bed now

Oct 01, 2024 10:24:41 PM Me

Thx 4’the replies 👍

Oct 01, 2024 10:25:56 PM Me

Ojai is 100 degrees tomorrow. Going up early to do storage work before it gets too hot

Oct 01, 2024 10:26:09 PM (Read by you after 7 seconds) +13038752587

That’s 🥵

Oct 01, 2024 10:26:40 PM Me

Still dont know about leaving here

Oct 01, 2024 10:28:56 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 36 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

What an adventure it would be to dash your way around the country. Can it be done? Watch me as I see…

Oct 02, 2024 7:07:31 AM Me

I wish I don’t have dash anytime status so I can’t just roll into a town and start making money As of right now I’m not going anywhere. I’m stuck here for the forseeable future Sux

Oct 02, 2024 7:08:16 AM Me

| I wake up into a reality I don’t wanna be in for over two years. When the fuck can I leave ???
Edited 18 seconds later | I wake up into a reality I don’t wanna be in for over two years. When the fuck can I leave reality ???

Oct 02, 2024 7:09:16 AM Me

I just woke up three minutes ago. My brain wakes up in this state of mind there is no other baseline for me other than miserable

Oct 02, 2024 7:10:02 AM Me

I simply don’t want to be here or anywhere in this reality. I just want this to end. I want me to end .

Oct 02, 2024 7:11:04 AM Me

| Good morning… Whatever that is. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good morning and my entire fucking life Well I can seem to remember is waking up panicked about whatever was the anxiety of the day period My whole fucking life is depression and anxiety
Edited 7 minutes, 39 seconds later | Good morning… Whatever that is. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good morning and my entire fucking life What I can seem to remember is waking up panicked about whatever was the anxiety of the day I always woke up worried about something. I was never taught what it was to relax or chill out. My whole fucking life is depression and anxiety

Oct 02, 2024 7:11:13 AM Me

Who the fuck wants to live that

Oct 02, 2024 7:20:39 AM Me

| — Frozen today. Not putting any effort into anything. Not moving storage Not dashing Just sit still until its all over
Edited 53 seconds later | — Frozen today. Not putting any effort into anything. Not moving storage Not dashing Just sit. No reason to put effort into something that is unknown. Done enough of that

Oct 02, 2024 7:24:03 AM Me

— Every day I wonder… Is this the day I check out? Not, Is today going to be (the day some substatially positive) happens

Oct 02, 2024 7:25:44 AM Me

— My focus is, and had been for a long time, on dying Not living or getting well Getting TF out of here

Oct 02, 2024 7:28:52 AM Me

— Was goinv to drive to Ojai early and go do storage work, But ive given up 100°. + up there today. Going to stay put in Ventura otherwise i am going nowhere nor do I have any plans beyond 24 hours. Feeling overdone Burnt

Oct 02, 2024 7:30:41 AM Me

— Alone screaming into the void for this all to fucking end already

Oct 02, 2024 7:34:27 AM Me

— Its as if “something” wants me to move forward with checking out, more than just thinking about it Its the pain wanting this to be over yesterday

Oct 02, 2024 7:39:05 AM Me

Staring a death sentence in the face

Oct 02, 2024 7:42:49 AM Me

Been staring at the floor for 40mins. Clicking out into voids in my brain. Places where theres no anything. There, but not there

Oct 02, 2024 9:05:51 AM Me

Going nowhere very fast

Oct 02, 2024 10:47:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— It is important to feel satisfied with our choices and actions. Feeling regret is unfortunate and costly. Therefore, practice wholesome deeds and mindful speech to prepare yourself for the inevitability we all one day must face. — oh my dude, i’ve already become well acquainted with the trails inside the valley of regrets.

Oct 02, 2024 12:18:17 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

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that last riff made me create and share this

Oct 02, 2024 12:28:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— currently frozen again uncertainty is fucking with me hard making me literally useless

Oct 02, 2024 12:43:33 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

It can do that

Oct 02, 2024 1:15:26 PM Me

Apparently im supposed to head east this weekend. As of right now, ill still be here come monday. No plan to leave yet

Oct 02, 2024 1:16:19 PM Me

Destination unknown

Oct 02, 2024 1:16:25 PM Me

Spotify

Oct 02, 2024 2:18:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oct 02, 2024 2:31:22 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Whispered

Oct 02, 2024 2:31:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Whispered helps executives accelerate their careers with free content and exclusive resources.

Oct 02, 2024 5:34:29 PM Me

I need to leave here and if I don’t leave here soon I’m gonna leave earth

Oct 02, 2024 7:38:20 PM Me

Where u at? Working??

Oct 02, 2024 8:12:26 PM Me

Very upset

Oct 02, 2024 8:13:43 PM Me

Kettle chips 4 dinner

Oct 02, 2024 8:13:49 PM Me

Anyhiw….

Oct 02, 2024 9:17:45 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 28 seconds) +13038752587

No dash cash the past few days

Oct 02, 2024 9:20:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

No, I didnt have anything on the schedule and no alerts to jump on because its busy. Tomorrow is when I get access to the money. Need to do all my payments asap. Should have it all done by 9am.

Oct 02, 2024 9:19:09 PM (Read by you after 4 seconds) +13038752587

At work right now

Oct 02, 2024 9:20:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

No, I didnt have anything on the schedule and no alerts to jump on because its busy. Tomorrow is when I get access to the money. Need to do all my payments asap. Should have it all done by 9am.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 02, 2024 10:10:07 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 28 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Go and get a good meal too

Oct 03, 2024 8:42:21 AM ⇲ Me

— Just woke up Realized I’m here for the foreseeable future never getting out of here

Oct 03, 2024 8:42:21 AM ⇱ Me

— Just woke up Realized I’m here for the foreseeable future never getting out of here
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 8:44:58 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Oct 03, 2024 8:48:32 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

I thought of another thing you can do is buy yourself a gift card at the grocery store chain you shop at. This will help you stretch the funds. Have you followed up with pizza places to get on board - in person?

Oct 03, 2024 8:59:12 AM Me

Pizza places? On board in person? What?

Oct 03, 2024 9:15:35 AM (Read by you after 55 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You applied to local pizza places for delivery- did you follow up in person?

Oct 03, 2024 9:19:35 AM ⇲ Me

No, i didnt apply. I applied to other local things. Never heard back. Too depressed to remember to follow up and then have yo motivate myself to want to go back to making pizzas. That’s what I did after I got out of college and made me question why the fuck I went to college because I could’ve made pizzas right out of fucking high school. And now 30+ years later I’m gonna go back to that? I’d rather pull the trigger on a gun pointed to my head

Oct 03, 2024 9:20:02 AM ⇲ Me

Besides every basic level job I apply to they will not hire me because I am overqualified

Oct 03, 2024 9:20:38 AM ⇲ Me

They all ask for a résumé, I hand them mine and they have no fucking idea what they’re looking at. What they realize is it somebody who’s been doing computers for a long time so they must be fucking smart and they’ll tell me how to do my job

Oct 03, 2024 9:20:58 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Stupid pride

Oct 03, 2024 9:21:11 AM ⇲ Me

— I said it years ago the thought is never left my mind and I will say it again Better Off Dead

Oct 03, 2024 9:21:35 AM ⇲ Me

No purpose, no reason for being here

Oct 03, 2024 9:21:37 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Dumb it down Tell the it’s a side job you going through divorce

Oct 03, 2024 9:22:18 AM ⇲ Me

— I thought I was leaving here Now I realize its where Im going to die

Oct 03, 2024 9:22:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

General purpose is to expand yourself - which you are doing After that choose your purpose and meaning

Oct 03, 2024 9:22:53 AM ⇲ Me

Waiting too long Today

Oct 03, 2024 9:24:06 AM ⇲ Me

— Im simply going out of my mind

Oct 03, 2024 9:24:19 AM ⇲ +13038752587

It’s your choice where live - you can continue living in Cali or go take some stress off - go to NY, roof food and job wait for you - get professional help

Oct 03, 2024 9:24:41 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Then recalibrated where you want to be

Oct 03, 2024 9:24:47 AM ⇲ Me

New York is a death sentence in winter for me

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:08 AM ⇲ Me

Barely survived summer

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:15 AM ⇲ +13038752587

California sounds like a death sentence

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:36 AM ⇲ Me

Ok, I’ll move to New York and then I’ll kill myself does that work?

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:44 AM ⇲ Me

Fuck

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:59 AM ⇲ Me

Nobody fucking understands that’s OK I’ll just shut up

Oct 03, 2024 9:26:09 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

If your in NY and your basic needs are covered and your working with a professional to get through this shit.

Oct 03, 2024 9:26:11 AM ⇲ Me

Bye

Oct 03, 2024 9:27:04 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I understand the story you have about NY and how you are owning it like there is no other alternative.

Oct 03, 2024 9:27:11 AM ⇲ Me

Cant do dark at 4pm Cant do alone in apt no sun, no outside, for 6 months

Oct 03, 2024 9:27:25 AM ⇲ Me

Dead

Oct 03, 2024 9:27:52 AM ⇲ Me

I absolutely fucking know I will kill myself if I am in New York during the winter and all that dark darkness

Oct 03, 2024 9:28:05 AM ⇲ Me

Does it matter if I was having Carl Yung is my fucking analyst it wouldn’t work

Oct 03, 2024 9:28:07 AM ⇲ +13038752587

I love you. Take the 2k and get professional help. Doing this own your own is not working and seldomly does for anyone

Oct 03, 2024 9:28:46 AM ⇲ Me

— Please dont make this I told you so

Oct 03, 2024 9:29:02 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Ok - so no NY.

Oct 03, 2024 9:29:08 AM ⇲ +13038752587

| Told you want
Edited 35 seconds later | Told you what?

Oct 03, 2024 9:29:31 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

I already know I can’t tell you anything. It’s all up to you.

Oct 03, 2024 9:30:14 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

And I don’t have all the answers to life and it’s challenges

Reactions:

Loved by Me

Oct 03, 2024 8:59:35 AM Me

Confused as fuck with the last questions

Oct 03, 2024 9:00:16 AM Me

I have less than $1 on me No coffee And stuck right now

Oct 03, 2024 9:16:04 AM (Read by you after 26 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

You have 2000$ today

Oct 03, 2024 9:16:21 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Only pay necessary bills

Oct 03, 2024 9:16:58 AM ⇲ Me

I have yet to be able to access it. I dont have a debit card

Oct 03, 2024 9:00:50 AM Me

10 days ago I thought today would be different But its the same like every other day

Oct 03, 2024 9:01:30 AM Me

Feel like screaming “I hate living” outloud whereever I walk

Oct 03, 2024 9:03:54 AM Me

— Why bother is what I feel now Nothing changes from the effort All wasted time

Oct 03, 2024 9:05:27 AM Me

Feels like huge sections of my life are filled with voids I have no memories Because brain was too fucked up doing depression, anxiety, and ADD every day my whole life

Oct 03, 2024 9:06:07 AM Me

Its sad, all I see in my past is failures And fear No fun

Oct 03, 2024 9:17:06 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

That because it’s all you are looking for

Oct 03, 2024 9:08:54 AM Me

— Even my wedding day ended bad. I cried and kept to myself in the limo ride from campus to the beach hotel. No love. She sat and said nothing after insulting me for being sensitive (narcissist) when i got in limo Checked into the room. Woke up next day and went to breakfast Great first night of being married

Oct 03, 2024 9:10:12 AM Me

— Should have never married her

Oct 03, 2024 9:15:35 AM (Read by you after 55 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You applied to local pizza places for delivery- did you follow up in person?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:16:04 AM (Read by you after 26 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

You have 2000$ today
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:16:21 AM (Read by you after 9 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Only pay necessary bills
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:16:58 AM ⇱ Me

I have yet to be able to access it. I dont have a debit card
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:17:06 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

That because it’s all you are looking for
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:19:35 AM ⇱ Me

No, i didnt apply. I applied to other local things. Never heard back. Too depressed to remember to follow up and then have yo motivate myself to want to go back to making pizzas. That’s what I did after I got out of college and made me question why the fuck I went to college because I could’ve made pizzas right out of fucking high school. And now 30+ years later I’m gonna go back to that? I’d rather pull the trigger on a gun pointed to my head
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:20:02 AM ⇱ Me

Besides every basic level job I apply to they will not hire me because I am overqualified
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:20:38 AM ⇱ Me

They all ask for a résumé, I hand them mine and they have no fucking idea what they’re looking at. What they realize is it somebody who’s been doing computers for a long time so they must be fucking smart and they’ll tell me how to do my job
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:20:58 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Stupid pride
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:21:11 AM ⇱ Me

— I said it years ago the thought is never left my mind and I will say it again Better Off Dead
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:21:35 AM ⇱ Me

No purpose, no reason for being here
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:21:37 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Dumb it down Tell the it’s a side job you going through divorce
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:22:18 AM ⇱ Me

— I thought I was leaving here Now I realize its where Im going to die
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:22:33 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

General purpose is to expand yourself - which you are doing After that choose your purpose and meaning
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:22:53 AM ⇱ Me

Waiting too long Today
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:24:06 AM ⇱ Me

— Im simply going out of my mind
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:24:19 AM ⇱ +13038752587

It’s your choice where live - you can continue living in Cali or go take some stress off - go to NY, roof food and job wait for you - get professional help
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:24:41 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Then recalibrated where you want to be
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:24:47 AM ⇱ Me

New York is a death sentence in winter for me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:08 AM ⇱ Me

Barely survived summer
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:15 AM ⇱ +13038752587

California sounds like a death sentence
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:36 AM ⇱ Me

Ok, I’ll move to New York and then I’ll kill myself does that work?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:44 AM ⇱ Me

Fuck
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:25:59 AM ⇱ Me

Nobody fucking understands that’s OK I’ll just shut up
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:26:09 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

If your in NY and your basic needs are covered and your working with a professional to get through this shit.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:26:11 AM ⇱ Me

Bye
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:27:04 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I understand the story you have about NY and how you are owning it like there is no other alternative.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:27:11 AM ⇱ Me

Cant do dark at 4pm Cant do alone in apt no sun, no outside, for 6 months
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:27:25 AM ⇱ Me

Dead
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:27:52 AM ⇱ Me

I absolutely fucking know I will kill myself if I am in New York during the winter and all that dark darkness
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:28:05 AM ⇱ Me

Does it matter if I was having Carl Yung is my fucking analyst it wouldn’t work
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:28:07 AM ⇱ +13038752587

I love you. Take the 2k and get professional help. Doing this own your own is not working and seldomly does for anyone
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:28:46 AM ⇱ Me

— Please dont make this I told you so
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:29:02 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Ok - so no NY.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:29:08 AM ⇱ +13038752587

| Told you want
Edited 35 seconds later | Told you what?

This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:29:26 AM Me

laurie even says NY is no good

Oct 03, 2024 9:29:31 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

I already know I can’t tell you anything. It’s all up to you.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 9:30:14 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

And I don’t have all the answers to life and it’s challenges

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Oct 03, 2024 9:30:25 AM Me

— Well 10 days ago I thought I was headed your way. But if I’m not headed there, and I’m not headed to New York, then I have nowhere to go.

Oct 03, 2024 9:31:25 AM Me

I kept asking about making plans or setting things up and I never got an answer so I didn’t do anything because I remember you telling me you had everything handled about talking to people there. So no big I will figure this out somehow. I’ve been able to almost survive Peace

Oct 03, 2024 9:38:21 AM Me

— Other than u i communicate with no one about whats going on inside my head. Parents, russ, nope. Laurie knows and u. Thats it.

Oct 03, 2024 9:39:48 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I reached out and told them you would be in touch Tree has been out of country for two weeks Don is recovery from infection from surgery on heel

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Oct 03, 2024 9:40:56 AM Me

My shadow side is powerful and enormous. Its blunt, decisive, and doesnt really give a shit. Its who is taking over now. Ive held this part of me inside forever because it woudlve made things harder on me as a kid. Its the part of me that will say shit right to peoples faces and then just stare holes thru the back of their head. Imagine peak Uncle Bert but subtle and silent…. A killer My shadow self wont blink about checking out Thats what Im dealing with.

Oct 03, 2024 9:43:24 AM Me

— And if you don’t want me there just come out and say it. I know theres more on your plate than I know and you’re not the only one calling shots. I get it and its fine

Oct 03, 2024 9:44:41 AM Me

— The prospect of a homeless, unemployed, mentally ill man coming to visit isnt too exciting I get it

Oct 03, 2024 9:46:54 AM Me

— Uh have never search alone meeting today. Its become the “never find a job and search alone” fer me

Oct 03, 2024 10:07:32 AM Me

Im online figuring out how to access money and pay bills I might calm TF down after I can pay

Oct 03, 2024 10:47:25 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 57 seconds) Me

—— SORRY FOR RANT SHITTING ON YOU THIS MORNING 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 ———————————————— That was a big pile.

Oct 03, 2024 10:47:44 AM (Read by them after 1 minute, 57 seconds) Me

Jack Tripper gif was perfect

Oct 03, 2024 10:49:28 AM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 58 seconds) Me

I was able to add the new account card to my apple pay wihtout having a physical card on hand. That was hands down the smoothest onboarding process I’ve experienced with a bank. And this is a county credit union. I was impressed when I walked in to make an appt. Wasnt like going to the trailer where the CU was back in waterford

Oct 03, 2024 10:50:08 AM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 18 seconds) Me

I need to find the card of the woman who helped me. I’d like to let the bank know how good their on boarding was — fer me

Oct 03, 2024 10:57:10 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— I want to send you something that will make you laugh and put a smile on your face. I know this bit I’m sharing because I watched his entire standup this was in. Never heard of Tom Segura before, but he’s a great storyteller and makes me laugh. This is less than 5 mins. Its a great story, told by a pro and its really good. I wont spoiler, just take 5 and watch. — And thank you, from the bottom of my heart—if there is a bottom—for putting up with my remote rants. I may as well be in a space capsule above earth spinning around watching everyone live their lives, while I text my rants from orbit via sattelite. Only missing the space capsule and being in outerspace. Ok, enjoy. And ❤️ U too.

Oct 03, 2024 10:57:14 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

TikTok

Oct 03, 2024 11:08:11 AM Me

— When your work feels like a never-ending set of tasks with little sense of completion, it's tough to stay mentally engaged. However, when you find small joys in daily progress, learning, and traction, that motivation will carry you through the most difficult moments. So, do you have a way of measuring your progress each day, or are you just moving a wall forward one inch at a time? How will you measure progress in your work today?

Oct 03, 2024 11:08:14 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Daily Creative with Todd Henry

Oct 03, 2024 11:12:00 AM Me

— this is good Seth:

Oct 03, 2024 11:12:01 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Oct 03, 2024 1:32:59 PM Me

pinged Tree and Don — you’re on the thread

Oct 03, 2024 1:34:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

need to get car insurance set back up. Otherwise remainder of day is getting car fully charged at Vta Mall; drive to storage in Ojai, continue getting rid of things, move stuff into smaller unit. Once that is done there is nothing stopping me from leaving here other than saying goodbye to the boys

Oct 03, 2024 1:35:12 PM Me

The downsizing may take until Saturday. Dont know how long until I’m done

Oct 03, 2024 1:35:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I’m exhausted’

Oct 03, 2024 1:35:35 PM +13038752587

Do you have things you can sell

Oct 03, 2024 1:40:15 PM ⇲ Me

Maybe, unsure. Declan got my desk and an aeron chair. Otherwise it was consolidation and trash. Did about 1/3 of unit so far

Oct 03, 2024 1:40:56 PM ⇲ Me

I already made a deal with Declan and that is if I have something to sell he will hold it with him at the house at Thacher and if someone buys it he can pack it up and ship it and I told him I’ll give him some of the money, and he was totally down for that

Oct 03, 2024 1:36:30 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

I will be offline at work until this evening

Oct 03, 2024 1:40:15 PM ⇱ Me

Maybe, unsure. Declan got my desk and an aeron chair. Otherwise it was consolidation and trash. Did about 1/3 of unit so far
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 1:40:56 PM ⇱ Me

I already made a deal with Declan and that is if I have something to sell he will hold it with him at the house at Thacher and if someone buys it he can pack it up and ship it and I told him I’ll give him some of the money, and he was totally down for that
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 03, 2024 1:41:12 PM Me

Then I don’t have to carry things with me that I may have on eBay to sell or craigslist if that makes sense

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Oct 03, 2024 1:41:15 PM +13038752587

Post things in Ffb marketplace for 25% of value

Oct 03, 2024 1:41:41 PM Me

Yeah, there is also a local Ojai give take Cell group on Facebook I know exists

Oct 03, 2024 1:41:51 PM Me

People post in the morning and sometimes things are gone before noon

Oct 03, 2024 1:42:03 PM Me

Like they’ve already come to your house and taking it away

Oct 03, 2024 1:42:08 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Or marketvaule to f worth more

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Oct 03, 2024 1:42:40 PM +13038752587

Ok going offline

Oct 03, 2024 1:43:07 PM Me

K

Oct 03, 2024 1:43:26 PM Me

Ping me later when you’re online and I can update you on where I’m at.

Oct 03, 2024 1:43:50 PM Me

Also two other things did you get the text I sent to Tree and Don? And remember Lori is going to help pay for my charging to get me to Colorado which will help big-time

Oct 03, 2024 7:01:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going to try The Habit tonight and get a lettuce wrap double char meal

Oct 03, 2024 7:01:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Habit Burger & Grill

Oct 03, 2024 7:02:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

let me know what ya think of the sticker.

Oct 03, 2024 7:02:22 PM Me

my chief and topa ones would be more detailed.

Oct 03, 2024 7:52:49 PM Me

This has a great groove in the background that I think you will like and it has an amazing bass riff it’s really good. Plus it’s Q-tip man you can’t go wrong

Oct 03, 2024 7:52:55 PM Me

Spotify

Oct 03, 2024 7:53:06 PM Me

That particular lyric hit hard

Oct 03, 2024 7:53:51 PM Me

That’s why I listen to my rap songs because stuff jumps out at me at the right times. It’s like the universe talks to me through my music Kinda like a ghost spirit box 🤣🤣🤣

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Oct 03, 2024 7:54:23 PM Me

Oh my God, Darrell I had it. You and I should start a paranormal investigation YouTube channel. The two of us would be fucking hilarious when we get scared

Oct 03, 2024 7:54:46 PM Me

I especially love watching the videos when people nearly shit their pants and run out of the fucking houses

Oct 03, 2024 7:55:32 PM Me

this one reputable guy listed the top 10 most haunted or paranormal active places in the United States. I believe there is one or two in and around Colorado environs

Oct 03, 2024 7:56:06 PM Me

I know there’s a mental institution in upstate New York that is pretty is on that list if not New York it’s the northeast

Oct 03, 2024 8:46:49 PM Me

I just asked the storage unit manager if I could over the next 24 to 48 hours move things to my new unit as they are ready to stay here. There is a lot I know that will stay and I can get it over there and out from the stuff I still need the sift which would be massively helpful Literally and psychologically looking at a giant pile

Oct 03, 2024 8:48:09 PM Me

She’s a super nice lady who is on maternity leave right now with her new daughter. They’re both doing very well. And I replied in the thread when they asked if I could help out when the fire sprinkler guys came to open up my unit. Which I did happily. But I was here all day, so I’m kinda asking a scratch my back because I scratched yours kind of favor. The guy who works here very much I can’t let you go into a new unit without a contract kind of move

Oct 03, 2024 8:49:13 PM Me

Anyhow I’m confident I will have an email tomorrow morning from her that says go for it I told her once I am cleared out of the big unit to just switch my contract over to the other unit. Besides I’m going down in price so there will be some pro rating likely where I get some money back. I just paid 199 and the unit I’m moving into is 128 a month so 70 bucks is food on the road for me

Oct 03, 2024 8:51:14 PM Me

Also, I was scanning my stuff I have monitors, Apple monitors flatscreen two of them 27 inches that retail for a lot of money, however they’re old but they’re beautiful and they work great. I think I should look up online what the Mac resale market says for those things And put that as my starting price. I’ve got tripod I’m gonna set up a place to take photos of shit so I can upload it to Facebook or craigslist or depending on what the fuck it is. I’ll likely set up all the accounts and logins and then have Declan manage it. He can deal with all the things when he needs to. Otherwise he does all the legwork and that’s how he gets some money out of the deal. I don’t have to deal with it I just drive up to campus and he put it in the garage until he sells it and ships it out of there or if they pick it up

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Oct 03, 2024 8:54:21 PM Me

I definitely have a plan here for getting storage taken care of. It is the only thing holding me here right now is downsizing this to save myself roughly 800 bucks a year which is huge to me that’s an entire month, actually that’s more than an entire month of money that I make Last month may have been the leanest month for me I lived on 500 bucks My tax return is going to be really interesting this year when I submit it. It will likely be submitted to the court because apparently this doesn’t get resolved until February. However I did talk with AI and there is something I can do I can file a certain form and it’s motion to have the court Review the living situation immediately and make a decision about financial support of some kind dude I’m not asking her for everything just a little bit of money to help me out every month would be fucking amazing. And I know she’s making enough on the side to do it. She’s doing custom painting of peoples pets now too

Oct 03, 2024 9:17:03 PM Me

— This is a very good video that includes current research from 2024 new insights into why we have afternoon slumps etc. They can actually point to science now and tell us exactly why. You will like this video, the reason is it’s intelligently presented and it’s Science based without being nerdy

Oct 03, 2024 9:17:08 PM Me

YouTube

Oct 03, 2024 9:17:22 PM Me

And his video animations are cool

Oct 04, 2024 10:11:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— GM Don texted directly to me yesterday after I sent the ask about staying… btw Tree says no I gave that a thumbs-up and replied 10-4, got it.

Oct 04, 2024 10:16:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

-- I’m likely to have storage done tomorrow and COULD leave as early as Sunday am HOWEVER, who wants to take off for 1,000 mile drive with “Destination Unknown” I’m sure its fine, but I’ve lost my ability to laugh at nuance…. especially around beds and toilets. 😊 Anyhow… dont know if you get what I mean but there it is.

Oct 04, 2024 10:50:02 AM Me

Oct 04, 2024 10:56:34 AM Me

Oct 04, 2024 10:57:07 AM Me

Oct 04, 2024 10:57:45 AM Me

Oct 04, 2024 10:58:55 AM Me

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Oct 04, 2024 10:44:28 PM Me

Spotify

Oct 04, 2024 10:45:55 PM Me

Cant keep runnin awayyyyyyyy

Oct 04, 2024 10:48:41 PM Me

Really good appointment with Laurie today. So I’m here at storage about to leave and I have stuff to go through tomorrow morning and basically did determine what I would pack and what would stay here and what I give away or sell the last of it it’s about 6 ft.² I think my tentative plan would be to leave early Sunday morning perhaps and I could maybe hang out with Declan tomorrow By the way took him to the habit and got a double chart with lettuce wrap and added bacon it was awesome Declan said he was incredibly full and I was Feeling perfectly satiated

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Oct 05, 2024 12:04:23 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 22 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Cool - let’s chat tomorrow- I will call you around 9am PST

Oct 05, 2024 12:04:45 AM (Read by you after 7 hours, 22 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Quick turnaround tonight -back to hotel at 7

Oct 05, 2024 7:29:47 AM Me

Gm

Oct 05, 2024 7:30:19 AM Me

Asleep at 12:30 AM back up at 6:15 AM on the road to get coffee and then to storage to get it all done

Oct 05, 2024 7:44:56 AM Me

YouTube

Oct 05, 2024 11:09:02 AM Me

Hola

Oct 05, 2024 11:09:42 AM Me

At storage sifting. Taking a break because yesterday Declan and I basically took no breaks and I’m feeling it in my body and energy levels today. So it may be slow and steady wins the race today. I may be here all day but today it will all be done

Oct 05, 2024 11:10:33 AM Me

Once I’m done with this I imagine that I’m gonna be pretty damn tired. If I have all my shit in the car I may say goodbye to Declan and then drive to Ventura charge the car full spend the night wake up 5:30 AM and hit the road tomorrow morning.

Oct 05, 2024 11:10:44 AM Me

That of course is the current hypothetical

Oct 05, 2024 11:10:51 AM Me

Let me know what your thoughts are

Oct 05, 2024 12:23:34 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

I will call you around 1 pst - with details for Colorado

Oct 05, 2024 12:34:37 PM Me

Ok

Oct 05, 2024 12:36:26 PM Me

Got a carload of stuff that I’m selling. Took a bunch of photos Taking the stuff to Declan for holding onto until I can post it online and sell it. When it’s sold Declan takes care of shipping and handling. And then I plan on giving him a cut of all the money we make

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Oct 05, 2024 12:57:26 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 05, 2024 4:06:53 PM Me

Got a text from Liz in a somewhat WTF mode asking why my stuff is showing uo there and that Im not her storage space.

Oct 05, 2024 4:11:38 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Tell her the truth. Declan is helping you sell it and earning a commission

Oct 05, 2024 4:16:44 PM Me

I did. — Nothing. Im selling some stuff and am paying Declan to help me get it gone. I’ll have the stuff listed online soon and its should go fast. Declan wants my desk and chair he told me hes putting it in his room. Aidan said he wanted the keyboard. Speakers are for either Darragh or Aidan. If neither want the Bose Ill sell that as well. All kombucha stuff is being sold. — Heres something else I drafted but did not send could you let me know if this is too much — BTW had ojai police shine a light in my car at 3 am telling me that theyll ticket me for being homeless and parking in an empty lot. That was interesting to wake up to. Imagine what it feels like to have someone randomly shine a light in your face while sleeping and then threatening you…. I moved out to make you feel safe and comfortable. An extraordinary kindness. While my safety sleeping on streets in Ventura and Oxnard is definitely not par to the living standards to which I have become accustomed to over nearly a quarter century living behind the gates of Thacher. 18 months of less than equal treatment. Says ALOT about you. I would not let you sleep in your car were the shoe on the other foot.

Oct 05, 2024 4:17:22 PM Me

Its blunt

Oct 05, 2024 6:39:07 PM (Read by you after 50 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Don’t send- save and present to judge at appropriate time

Oct 05, 2024 7:33:23 PM Me

Dude they don’t retro anything in this state so when I walk into a courtroom it’s not like they’re gonna give me money from all the shit in the past that I endured.

Oct 05, 2024 7:51:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

The judge may award you more. My point though is to demonstrate the disparity to create a stronger position for negotiation if needed. The only purpose sending emails like the one you wrote is to trigger Liz. That is how I believe it will be perceived. Only communicate when necessary and keep it short.

Oct 05, 2024 7:37:10 PM Me

When i go out in public I feel feral

Oct 05, 2024 7:37:32 PM Me

Feel out of place and dont want to be there

Oct 05, 2024 7:51:10 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

The judge may award you more. My point though is to demonstrate the disparity to create a stronger position for negotiation if needed. The only purpose sending emails like the one you wrote is to trigger Liz. That is how I believe it will be perceived. Only communicate when necessary and keep it short.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2024 7:51:18 PM Me

Do you know ended it’s really insult to injury when I drive by a restaurant and Liz is there enjoying a meal and I get to fucking eat honey nut Cheerios for dinner

Oct 05, 2024 7:51:56 PM Me

I have no idea who the fuck she’s there with but I got a good mind I just walk in and just stand there by her table and look at her and ask if she’s enjoying food because it’s really nice to have food especially warm food

Oct 05, 2024 7:53:00 PM Me

I’m in one of those really angry moods where I just hate fucking everybody. It’s simply because everybody’s lived their life for the past year and a half in my year my life’s been lost

Oct 05, 2024 7:53:37 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

That’s one version of things

Oct 05, 2024 7:54:21 PM ⇲ Me

There is no other version of those things than my version. No one can question my perspective from where I am because they haven’t been there and if they want to try to challenge me it’s the hill I will fucking die on

Oct 05, 2024 7:55:37 PM ⇲ +13038752587

You can challenge it. Also you don’t know what others lives are like.

Oct 05, 2024 7:53:37 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

That’s one version of things
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2024 7:53:38 PM Me

I’m burned out on being alive

Oct 05, 2024 7:54:21 PM ⇱ Me

There is no other version of those things than my version. No one can question my perspective from where I am because they haven’t been there and if they want to try to challenge me it’s the hill I will fucking die on
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2024 7:54:29 PM +13038752587

One more day and you on the road to Colorado to get in a fresh and supportive environment

Oct 05, 2024 7:54:54 PM Me

It’s feral dude

Oct 05, 2024 7:55:34 PM Me

It’s gonna take me a long time to Unfuck wind from living like this. I had CPTSD before this. And now I’ve got PTSD from this living experience for the past year and a half and I’ve got a fucking heal from that and I can’t start that until this fucking ends and moving in With you guys is awesome but it doesn’t end for me there

Oct 05, 2024 7:55:37 PM ⇱ +13038752587

You can challenge it. Also you don’t know what others lives are like.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 05, 2024 7:56:06 PM Me

I spoke to a woman who survived cancer and she looked at me like what I’m dealing with now was way more than what the fuck she was dealing with.

Oct 05, 2024 7:56:36 PM Me

I said no way to her, but this is a woman I’ve known for 25 years we took our kids to preschool together and had barbecues together. I know her well.

Oct 05, 2024 7:57:09 PM Me

I just told her the truth and she’s the first person been honest with when she said how is life and I told her I’m poor homeless unemployed going through a divorce and I don’t know who the fuck I am

Oct 05, 2024 7:57:40 PM Me

Oh and depression and anxiety and CPTSD plus the PTSD on top of it from the experience of being kicked out of my house and living in my fucking car

Oct 05, 2024 7:58:35 PM Me

I had somebody tell me the other day that I need to stop telling myself the depression story. When people say that if I have a weapon on me I will go at you. Knife a gun I don’t care. Depression isn’t a fucking choice and depression isn’t a fucking story I’m making up

Oct 05, 2024 7:59:00 PM Me

The problem I have is I don’t know what a brain feels like without it

Oct 05, 2024 8:00:26 PM Me

Anyway done ranting for now. I’ve been at storage 10 hours today and will be here for two or three more. Then I just go to sleep and wake up and do it again tomorrow I’m hoping to get out of here tomorrow but I don’t know what’s gonna happen so we’ll see

Oct 05, 2024 9:16:20 PM Me

— Im hurting hard

Oct 05, 2024 9:16:41 PM Me

Way way more than normal or usual

Oct 05, 2024 9:17:42 PM Me

— Dont Want To be alive Vibe 1011%

Oct 05, 2024 9:18:49 PM Me

Dont want to keep waking up Same shit different day. Soon to be same shit different day different location

Oct 05, 2024 9:19:42 PM +13038752587

That’s why your leaving Cali- new environment- new plan and support

Oct 05, 2024 9:20:33 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Things will not be the same here.

Oct 05, 2024 9:21:29 PM Me

I’m still not gonna like people in public that isn’t gonna go away just because I’m staying in a room. Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful as hell but the idea I’m gonna show up in a couple of weeks I’m gonna be fucking cool and the gang is a fairytale It’s gonna take me 18 months to get back to pre-homeless Meanwhile I still deal with the psychological wack a mole of unemployment. and socially I’m a fucking dead man walking or a ghost I am not fun to hang out with. I’m not conversational, I tend to answer in a couple of words. I’m not the same person I was last summer let alone last month

Oct 05, 2024 9:22:20 PM Me

It’s a Catch-22 I’d rather be sitting alone by myself but I crave the intimacy of a deep relationship with a woman

Oct 05, 2024 9:22:33 PM Me

I want the one thing I’ve never had in my life

Oct 05, 2024 9:22:56 PM +13038752587

I’m not expecting overnight changes but am hopeful for better than 18mos

Oct 05, 2024 9:23:02 PM Me

Jenica gave me this tiny taste of it and it was like a drug

Oct 05, 2024 9:23:16 PM Me

Part of the reason she’s so hard for me to get out of my mind

Oct 05, 2024 9:24:52 PM Me

Anyway, I’m at storage still. Been here about 12 hours solid now and I’m going to call it a night I’m just putting things away now. I’m not done yet I still have to figure out what I’m going to bring. I have no fucking idea what’s happening so It’s hard to plan Actually I haven’t had to plan for anything like traveling etc. in a long long time

Oct 05, 2024 9:26:16 PM Me

My mind is deeply deeply stuck in survival mode. It may take me a month before I even approach something like eating normally. I know I will keep eating weird for a while it’s what I am comfortable with Plus I’m not used to being around people who want to engage with me or talk to me so I tend to isolate and people take that the wrong way but anyway

Oct 05, 2024 9:27:13 PM Me

When my parents and your mom were here, they wanted me to hang out at the hotel with them but I couldn’t I had to go sit in my car. I wonder if I’ll even break the cycle of sitting in my car. I may find myself just driving to a parking lot somewhere in town and sitting in it because it’s familiar and it feels safe to me

Oct 05, 2024 9:28:13 PM Me

Like that’s the evening routine now you wrap up whatever you’re doing at five or six you go to the market you come out you sit in your car in the parking lot and eat whatever it is you bought for dinner maybe sit there and watch some more videos then you prep your car for sleep while you’re still in the parking lot and have the lights to help you see what you’re doing. And hop in your car and go find your Parking spot to sleep.

Oct 05, 2024 9:28:46 PM Me

Hopefully you pick a good spot and not one where truck drivers are loading and unloading all night, or a spot where people like to walk their dogs at six in the morning and they stand right outside your car and wake you up

Oct 05, 2024 9:29:15 PM Me

Or the best experience when the police shine their flashlight in your car at three in the morning and tell you if they see you again they’re going to take you for being homeless and nowhere to go

Oct 05, 2024 9:45:32 PM Me

— It’s days and nights like these that are so repetitive that make it really hard to stick around. I just don’t want these kind of days anymore and they’re not gonna go away fast no matter what the fuck I do. I don’t even know if they are gonna go away at all nobody knows . Like I said I’ve lived with depression my entire fucking life I don’t know what living is like without it

Oct 05, 2024 9:46:45 PM Me

For example I don’t hike. I used to because I used to like it. I don’t like it anymore I kinda don’t like anything. I barely like Darts

Oct 05, 2024 9:47:26 PM Me

Grouchy cranky old men who live by themselves and die alone come from somewhere. I think I may be one of them and that is my destiny.

Oct 05, 2024 9:47:49 PM Me

I’ve had the Walmart greeter thing in my head for a decade I know that’s where I’m gonna fucking end up

Oct 05, 2024 9:47:55 PM Me

🤣

Oct 05, 2024 9:48:14 PM Me

That would be really funny for one day, and then the next day it would be so depressing that I’d be gone within 48 hours

Oct 05, 2024 9:48:47 PM Me

Ok I think I’m done for the night I’m just too fucking depressed to do anything else then to sit and think more depressing thoughts of my brain

Oct 06, 2024 10:29:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— It is often most difficult to see what is directly in front of you. Begin observation with yourself, then move outward.

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Oct 06, 2024 10:30:01 AM Me

GM

Oct 06, 2024 11:27:13 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Gm - traveling through the hills - will be offline until this evening

Oct 06, 2024 11:50:03 AM Me

going to frontrange?

Oct 06, 2024 11:53:46 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

No heading southwest- Paonia

Oct 06, 2024 11:54:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok

Oct 06, 2024 11:54:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

headed to storage. should be the last of it

Oct 06, 2024 11:54:30 AM Me

spent

Oct 06, 2024 11:54:37 AM Me

bonemarrow tired

Oct 06, 2024 11:56:11 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

I simply want to stop moving around. I dream of a proper massage it brings tears to my eyes to imagine it

Oct 06, 2024 12:04:49 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

— Another text draft to Liz this morning. Would love your feedback. I think I could send this one. -- — Last time I saw Aidan he looked at me with laser eyes and said, “No one wants you here!” It hurt to hear him vocalize my feelings I have felt for more than 5 years now. I share this for you to contemplate being on this side of things. “No one wants you here” from your kid hits deep and hard. This is one example of the myriad of psychological mind fucks I’m dealing with.

Oct 06, 2024 12:06:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I share it because there is a fictitious story woven by Liz and Joanna about me. Aidan is wrapped up in it. When I bring it up with Declan he wryly smiles at me, he knows — I can tell by everything communicating with me but his mouth.

Oct 06, 2024 12:08:42 PM Me

— I’m going to put facts out there once I pull out of here, Ventura County, CA. Slow drip… Instagram… Present beautiful image I took With facts typeset on them And hard questions to answer? “Love inquires for understanding, anything else isn’t love.

Oct 06, 2024 12:10:25 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

— Have to say I feel as though I am tuned into a different radio station from you all I can hear your radio station, but I have one that makes no sense to anyone but me. When I share what I hear, people are often confused or offended. Oh well

Oct 06, 2024 12:11:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok, time to head to storage. dont want to, but have to

Oct 07, 2024 9:47:33 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— GM. Hope Monday is OK for you. Some thoughts from this morning that I texted Laurie. Thought you should read it. — Moving from one end of the storage unit to the other—hit me hard— I suddenly saw it as a pivot point. I got emotional walking away from my old storage spot. I had spent many days and nights there playing darts alone. I set my board up inside my unit and could stand outside it with the door opened wide, and stand in the hallway to shoot into my unit at the board I bolted to the gray cinder block wall of a storage unit ( I have photo receipts 😊 I moved into that unit from the house directly, so there was a mix of raw angry energy from the past lingering, lost and confused energy from the void times, and more recent energy that I’m unsure how to look at yet.

Oct 07, 2024 9:48:02 AM Me

There was a direct connection from that old storage unit to my past life. Going thru everything, much of which was just chucked in a box in haste to get out of dodge, dredged up ALOT of emotions looking at old photos of me, Liz, and the boys at happier times. I was thinking all weekend why I wasn’t feeling happier about whats upcoming, and it just struck me that going thru all that stuff, reviewing it, reopneing old wounds like scabs that havent entirely healed on their own. My scab is cracked from healthy skin on one edge and bleeding fresh from moving from one end of the building to another, reopening the would, but not destroying the majority of healing done. (I remember these well from my wild 12yr old bmx days)

Oct 07, 2024 9:50:03 AM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Good introspection

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Oct 07, 2024 10:14:19 AM ⇲ Me

I know you had that scab experience somewhere between 9-13yr old 😊 BMX times.

Oct 07, 2024 10:13:36 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So headed there in a few hours to get car properly packed to take off. Depending how long that takes will determine when I leave. I will leave at night for sure, and not wait until morning simply because traveling thru this terrain at night is far cooler and I think energy efficient.

Oct 07, 2024 10:14:19 AM ⇱ Me

I know you had that scab experience somewhere between 9-13yr old 😊 BMX times.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 07, 2024 10:14:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

kids back then, if they were outside on bikes all day, had lots a scabs

Oct 07, 2024 12:22:17 PM Me

— Song Delivered rando in AI selections. Love this lyric, and the style of spoken word and grooves in bkgd. Cool sound U will like this song fer sure

Oct 07, 2024 12:22:22 PM Me

Spotify

Oct 07, 2024 2:13:15 PM Me

Oct 07, 2024 2:13:44 PM Me

Hey! Check out this post from The Pattern.

Oct 07, 2024 2:13:49 PM Me

Oct 08, 2024 2:38:00 PM Me

It had better for $3.99

Oct 08, 2024 2:51:11 PM Me

Seriously beg to differ

Oct 08, 2024 6:42:32 PM Me

Im struggling hard today

Oct 08, 2024 6:51:42 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes) +13038752587

Positive input is necessary for long hauls what are you listening to

Oct 08, 2024 8:06:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

some rando music, morning news, some of reboot book — was really good but GOD DAMN that book hits so close to home. The mans personal experience in early childhood mirrors mine in many ways. His doesnt have getting whipped but the emotional and psychological is there in buckets.

Oct 08, 2024 8:06:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, going to go charge battery now.

Oct 08, 2024 8:06:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

want to get back on road and get to St George tonight.

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Oct 08, 2024 9:02:19 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 08, 2024 9:02:28 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Safe travels.

Oct 08, 2024 9:08:49 PM Me

Still waiting for a charger

Oct 08, 2024 10:25:31 PM Me

Word

Oct 08, 2024 10:38:05 PM Me

Hey there, I just got done charging at Law North Las Vegas. I got into this spot around 5:30 and it’s now 930 so this was not a great pitstop although I have not stopped moving in four days five days. So slight change of plan depending on how I feel on my Rival in Mesquite I may stay there if I’m tired it’s the last place in Nevada in St. George first thing in the morning actually maybe get breakfast there and Charge

Oct 08, 2024 10:38:40 PM Me

I can probably get myself up to Green River tomorrow which is the last charge station before Grand Junction. Or who knows maybe I’ll get lucky and make it to grad junction tomorrow

Oct 08, 2024 10:42:14 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Be sure to get rest along the way

Oct 08, 2024 10:42:14 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 09, 2024 8:52:27 AM Me

GM Hope not…

Oct 09, 2024 9:01:45 AM Me

Officially hitting the road right now leaving Mesquite Nevada next stop is in Utah

Oct 09, 2024 9:25:55 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Good morning

Oct 09, 2024 9:25:56 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 09, 2024 9:29:30 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Thought - Sarah and the girls are going to the front range tomorrow through Monday. I may head down on Sunday. So, you can have some down time in Glenwood.

Oct 09, 2024 12:42:56 PM ⇲ Me

OK, the way the battery is looking I might not get there until Sunday or worse. I was hopeful I would make really good progress today but it’s not happening and that sucks because it puts the brakes on my travel and it’s hard, very hard for me to try and connect Online, to email Slack etc. It’s hard to start and stop and start and stop and start and stop

Oct 09, 2024 11:01:51 AM Me

K the car started charging slower yesterday. I think because I drove it for 12 hours through 100° temps drained and reloaded the battery half a dozen times so I just don’t think batteries perform well in that kind of heat. It’s still a little slow today but not like yesterday. I’m hoping to get to Grand Junction today but the slow charge times are slowing me down so I may just make it to Green Riverbefore the giant stretch into Colorado

Oct 09, 2024 11:02:00 AM Me

I will keep you posted or check Instagram

Oct 09, 2024 11:03:09 AM Me

I am listening to my book reboot. I highly recommend this book. There’s a great deal in this book that I feel is applicable to you as well in relation to how your upbringing and your parents influence the rules by which you live your life by as an adult. Most people are fucking clueless but not all

Oct 09, 2024 12:42:56 PM ⇱ Me

OK, the way the battery is looking I might not get there until Sunday or worse. I was hopeful I would make really good progress today but it’s not happening and that sucks because it puts the brakes on my travel and it’s hard, very hard for me to try and connect Online, to email Slack etc. It’s hard to start and stop and start and stop and start and stop
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 09, 2024 12:43:56 PM Me

Also, I thought I was stopping to visit you guys but then keeping a move on to your mom‘s house. I had no idea I was going to stay for more than one night. Like I said before I don’t want to disturb your house and I want to be respectful of the boundaries of your family and in particular I want to be sensitive to Sarah‘s Sense of boundary. Not that you don’t matter ha ha ha ha ha ha

Oct 09, 2024 1:04:08 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Right - Sarah and the girls won’t be there. So no worries.

Oct 09, 2024 1:04:45 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 6 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s see your progress at end of day and arrival in Glenwood is flexible

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Oct 09, 2024 1:37:20 PM Me

Just under 10 mins and I try charging again. Let car sit in shade for an hour Its breezy, maybe 80

Oct 09, 2024 2:31:49 PM Me

Car will not start a charge. Been here going on 3 hours

Oct 09, 2024 2:31:54 PM Me

Doing research

Oct 09, 2024 3:05:49 PM Me

So I tried starting it with the car turned on that did not work. Next thing I’m trying is silicone lubricant on the charging cable lock pin. It gets stuck from dirt and shit and if it doesn’t extend the car won’t charge it will show a red light. if that doesn’t work I’ll try is unhooking my battery let it sit for a minute or two for all the juice to die out and then reconnect the battery and restart the car and then try to charge it and see what I get

Oct 09, 2024 3:06:03 PM Me

After that I’m kind of at a loss it has to be battery or some other shit that I can’t tell

Oct 09, 2024 3:44:35 PM Me

You there???

Oct 09, 2024 3:46:53 PM +13038752587

Call bounced

Oct 09, 2024 3:46:53 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 09, 2024 3:47:23 PM Me

Not driving

Oct 09, 2024 3:47:27 PM +13038752587

Are you able to troubleshoot online

Oct 09, 2024 3:47:43 PM +13038752587

Where are you currently

Oct 09, 2024 3:47:54 PM Me

I spent the past four hours doing that

Oct 09, 2024 3:47:57 PM +13038752587

Do you have AAA

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Oct 09, 2024 3:48:00 PM Me

I’m parked in front of a Walmart

Oct 09, 2024 3:48:15 PM Me

This is the last fucking thing I need dude

Oct 09, 2024 3:48:25 PM Me

I have no money to pay for any kind of fucking repair

Oct 09, 2024 3:48:42 PM Me

I dropped my car off to them and then I sleep on the street I guess cause all my shits in the car

Oct 09, 2024 3:48:58 PM Me

This just creates a fucking logistic nightmare I just don’t have the fucking bandwidth to deal with

Oct 09, 2024 3:49:08 PM +13038752587

It is what it is. Triple A is already paid for worth letting them trouble shoot it

Oct 09, 2024 3:49:23 PM Me

Mechanics know nothing of electric cars

Oct 09, 2024 3:49:34 PM +13038752587

You have no timeline you have to be here by -

Oct 09, 2024 3:49:43 PM +13038752587

Breathe

Oct 09, 2024 3:49:51 PM Me

Right now is perfect check out

Oct 09, 2024 3:50:02 PM +13038752587

So the 2k is spent

Oct 09, 2024 3:50:11 PM Me

Take my 36 miles and go drive out into the middle of the desert nowhere and just fucking be gone

Oct 09, 2024 3:50:44 PM Me

I’m not sure what the balances on the money I haven’t had a chance to look

Oct 09, 2024 3:50:53 PM +13038752587

I know a bunch went out to bills , thought you had a 500 to travel with

Oct 09, 2024 3:51:03 PM Me

I’m already living stressed the fuck out without this happening

Oct 09, 2024 3:51:19 PM +13038752587

It will be ok

Oct 09, 2024 3:51:39 PM Me

Total breakdown heree

Oct 09, 2024 3:51:45 PM +13038752587

Where is the nearest vW or electric car repair

Oct 09, 2024 3:52:12 PM +13038752587

Send me your location

Oct 09, 2024 3:52:23 PM Me

I already called sealer

Oct 09, 2024 3:52:28 PM Me

Talked to them

Oct 09, 2024 3:52:36 PM Me

I just need to get the car there

Oct 09, 2024 3:52:44 PM +13038752587

How far away

Oct 09, 2024 3:52:56 PM ⇲ Me

43

Oct 09, 2024 3:52:48 PM Me

I just don’t wanna have to deal with all this

Oct 09, 2024 3:52:56 PM ⇱ Me

43
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 09, 2024 3:53:11 PM +13038752587

Tow should cover that

Oct 09, 2024 3:53:33 PM Me

I really don’t wanna sit in a tow truck with a stranger for an hour right now I’m just not in the headspace for it

Oct 09, 2024 3:53:42 PM +13038752587

If you let me know where you will be I can look into a inexpensive hotel

Oct 09, 2024 3:53:48 PM Me

They’re gonna wanna talk about shit and I am in no mood for that

Oct 09, 2024 3:54:28 PM +13038752587

On a call at work - bbs

Oct 09, 2024 3:54:38 PM Me

Maybe just spend night here in car at wallmart

Oct 09, 2024 3:55:35 PM Me

— Knew I should have yaken it in for a look

Oct 09, 2024 4:06:03 PM Me

Dealer im aimed for

Oct 09, 2024 4:06:08 PM Me

Findlay Volkswagen St George · 4.5★(682) · Volkswagen dealer

Oct 09, 2024 4:06:41 PM Me

Calling AAA need to calm myself down This trip has me on the edge

Oct 09, 2024 4:22:32 PM +13038752587

See if there are Hilton’s in the area

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Oct 09, 2024 4:35:11 PM Me

1333 Sunland Dr, St. George, UT 84790

Oct 09, 2024 4:38:17 PM Me

Tru by Hilton St. George · 4.3★(785) · Hotel

Oct 09, 2024 5:29:40 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Nothing showing as a great deal through Hilton

Oct 09, 2024 5:29:52 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 09, 2024 5:30:00 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

What about area motels

Oct 09, 2024 6:11:51 PM Me

Oct 09, 2024 6:12:12 PM Me

Oct 09, 2024 6:12:20 PM Me

Right next door

Oct 09, 2024 6:18:00 PM Me

Scratch that place 250 a night

Oct 09, 2024 6:18:10 PM Me

Dude I might get my first taste of sleeping on the street tonight

Oct 09, 2024 6:20:06 PM (Read by you after 25 seconds) +13038752587

Go to Expedia

Oct 09, 2024 6:20:19 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

Rooms for 120

Oct 09, 2024 6:20:28 PM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Where’s your car?

Oct 09, 2024 6:20:49 PM Me

Im at the dealership with my car

Oct 09, 2024 6:20:57 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Stay in your car

Oct 09, 2024 6:20:58 PM Me

And my stuff

Oct 09, 2024 6:21:12 PM Me

U mean sleep here?

Oct 09, 2024 6:21:23 PM Me

In car?

Oct 09, 2024 6:21:25 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Why not?

Oct 09, 2024 6:21:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

They aren’t going to work on it until tomorrow right?

Oct 09, 2024 6:21:53 PM Me

Because that means I will live at a dealership for 24 fucking hours my hunch is that they’re not gonna be able to fix it tomorrow it’s gonna take longer

Oct 09, 2024 6:22:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Why?

Oct 09, 2024 6:22:32 PM Me

There’s nowhere for me to go I’m at a dealership there is a hotel next to me and a dealership on the other side and a giant highway in front of me I can’t walk anywhere or do anything

Oct 09, 2024 6:22:49 PM +13038752587

Uber

Oct 09, 2024 6:22:52 PM Me

I just sit and wait in the service lounge all day I guess

Oct 09, 2024 6:23:03 PM Me

I can’t do Uber I don’t have money to spend

Oct 09, 2024 6:23:22 PM Me

I mean I’m not even eating meals I live on fucking Trail mix and water

Oct 09, 2024 6:23:23 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Do you have money in the bank?

Oct 09, 2024 6:23:31 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Why?

Oct 09, 2024 6:25:31 PM Me

I $98

Oct 09, 2024 6:25:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I’m a few days you will food and shelter

Oct 09, 2024 6:25:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

in

Oct 09, 2024 6:26:24 PM Me

Am I at a dealer I don’t Have credit, and I don’t have money to pay for anything so they’re gonna tell me it’s gonna cost a lot of money to fix it and then I’ll say thanks and drive away WTF

Oct 09, 2024 6:29:58 PM Me

Panic attack

Oct 09, 2024 6:30:06 PM Me

Yay

Oct 09, 2024 6:54:21 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Wait and see what they say - don’t create negative narrative stories.

Oct 09, 2024 6:54:22 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 09, 2024 6:54:38 PM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Are they looking at it now?

Oct 09, 2024 7:04:55 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Go in and buy a hot ready to eat meal!

Oct 09, 2024 7:05:22 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

My treat - send me the receipt and o will Venmo you

Oct 09, 2024 7:09:42 PM Me

No they closed at six about 10 minutes before I got there

Oct 09, 2024 7:11:17 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Ok - hot breakfast

Oct 09, 2024 7:11:26 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 12 seconds) +13038752587

When do they open

Oct 09, 2024 7:13:03 PM Me

Not sure I’ll look it up online. Today has been a weird day

Oct 09, 2024 7:30:56 PM Me

Says 8am but i’ll go early

Oct 09, 2024 7:51:21 PM Me

Its hot in st george. Easily 80s at night.

Oct 09, 2024 7:51:41 PM Me

I should be there not here

Oct 09, 2024 11:02:28 PM (Read by you after 7 hours, 45 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Sarah sent me this…

Oct 09, 2024 11:02:33 PM (Read by you after 7 hours, 45 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

When I told the girls that Bert was coming to town at dinner tonight, Lillian’s face lit up. “Bert!! Bert’s coming?!? I love Bert” ❤️

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Oct 10, 2024 7:26:27 AM Me

Waiting at dealer. No one here. Once I know whats up w car ill let u know Pray that my battery is ok

Oct 10, 2024 7:27:15 AM Me

Bummed because Id be there this morning if I didnt have this happen

Oct 10, 2024 7:27:39 AM Me

Are u around today? Working at hotel?

Oct 10, 2024 7:27:45 AM Me

Lmk

Oct 10, 2024 8:18:09 AM Me

—- This clip. I want to hold hands like that That age and beyond Thats what im chasing

Oct 10, 2024 8:18:18 AM Me

Instagram

Oct 10, 2024 8:18:35 AM Me

The way he looks at her

Oct 10, 2024 8:52:22 AM Me

So Im stuck in St George for 7-10 days minimum. $630 - 900 for a week Motel 6 $3200 fix $4200 to move from CA to CO that I dont have

Oct 10, 2024 8:56:16 AM Me

A. Take estimate and drive car away. Do nothing since cant pay B. Take estimate and go somewhere else. But where? Not everyone works on a 5 year old discontinued model. Thats a day or research and calling, costing me time. Will have to take car and sleep in Wallmart until I know where to go C. Im basically fucked. Game Over.

Oct 10, 2024 9:14:49 AM Me

Sos
Sent with Lasers

Oct 10, 2024 9:14:58 AM Me

Haha

Oct 10, 2024 9:48:44 AM Me

Let me know if my plan sounds good. I’ll put it into action

Oct 10, 2024 10:54:13 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 31 seconds) +13038752587

How much would it cost for AAA tow t to Colorado

Oct 10, 2024 10:57:48 AM ⇲ Me

I can research that during the day today. Russ was telling me he was going to rent a U-Haul with a trailer to tow the car and fly out to Utah and bring it to New York I said to him that will cost more than repairing the car

Oct 10, 2024 10:55:43 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Do the plan is to rent a car- drive here and what happens with your car?

Oct 10, 2024 10:56:05 AM Me

Im at airport parking.

Oct 10, 2024 10:56:36 AM Me

Have to leave it here until I figure out what to do. $7 a day

Oct 10, 2024 10:57:12 AM Me

Cant charge it until its fixed.

Oct 10, 2024 10:57:38 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wait a moment

Oct 10, 2024 10:57:48 AM ⇱ Me

I can research that during the day today. Russ was telling me he was going to rent a U-Haul with a trailer to tow the car and fly out to Utah and bring it to New York I said to him that will cost more than repairing the car
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2024 10:58:02 AM +13038752587

How much to rent a trailer from U-Haul to tow the car with you?

Oct 10, 2024 10:58:28 AM Me

No idea but then i get there tomorrow

Oct 10, 2024 10:58:35 AM Me

Earliest

Oct 10, 2024 10:58:46 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Oct 10, 2024 10:59:07 AM +13038752587

The is no rush.

Oct 10, 2024 10:59:24 AM Me

Trying to move forward with hemmoraging least amt money

Oct 10, 2024 10:59:33 AM +13038752587

If you can save yourself driving or flying back to St. George it’s worth it

Oct 10, 2024 11:00:18 AM ⇲ Me

That would be the plan because my car is here in the airport parking lot and it has enough juice on it to drive it to the dealer should I end up going there

Oct 10, 2024 10:59:47 AM Me

Already cost me $450’i dont have

Oct 10, 2024 11:00:11 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Can you cancel rental car reservation

Oct 10, 2024 10:59:57 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Penny today for a pound tomorrow

Oct 10, 2024 11:00:11 AM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Can you cancel rental car reservation
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2024 11:00:18 AM ⇱ Me

That would be the plan because my car is here in the airport parking lot and it has enough juice on it to drive it to the dealer should I end up going there
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2024 11:01:02 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Before you commit to car rental - call U-Haul

Oct 10, 2024 11:01:22 AM Me

I have to rent a truck and a trailer

Oct 10, 2024 11:01:30 AM Me

Is there a U-Haul in Glenwood Springs that I could leave it at

Oct 10, 2024 11:02:01 AM +13038752587

Cool - one way with your car 🚗 Yes right down the road from us

Oct 10, 2024 11:02:13 AM Me

I dont want more to do honestly

Oct 10, 2024 11:02:40 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

So do this and it is the least steps over all

Oct 10, 2024 11:03:06 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No return to St. George - I can bring you to front range

Oct 10, 2024 11:03:10 AM Me

I was actually impressed with myself because I figured a way out that was cheap and bought me time

Oct 10, 2024 11:03:51 AM ⇲ Me

Considering the stress this added to my already overflowing cauldron of stresses

Oct 10, 2024 11:03:29 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Car can stay in Glenwood or possibly I can tow it to Longmont

Oct 10, 2024 11:03:51 AM ⇱ Me

Considering the stress this added to my already overflowing cauldron of stresses
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2024 11:04:35 AM Me

Talking to my car like its my kid. “Ill be back soon, promise!!”

Oct 10, 2024 11:04:47 AM +13038752587

You have strength beyond what you think is possible

Oct 10, 2024 11:05:07 AM +13038752587

The rental car adds to you todo list.

Oct 10, 2024 11:05:31 AM ⇲ Me

What do you mean I already have it reserved I walk in and pick it up right

Oct 10, 2024 11:05:12 AM Me

Funny Russ was trying to figure out how I could trade in my ego and drive out of there in a new car

Oct 10, 2024 11:05:31 AM ⇱ Me

What do you mean I already have it reserved I walk in and pick it up right
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2024 11:05:51 AM +13038752587

Cancel it if

Oct 10, 2024 11:21:40 AM Me

Ok. Truck + tow $517 However no tow equipment on hand at ANY uhaul in St George area. If i stat at motel 6 and try the next two days its still unavalable. So trucks available, not tow. They could get one in but not until early next week. Motel6 is $90 a night. I could justify staying until Saturday but still no tow

Oct 10, 2024 11:21:55 AM (Read by you after 37 seconds) +13038752587

In meetings for 30m

Oct 10, 2024 11:22:13 AM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

Good plan

Oct 10, 2024 11:24:15 AM Me

Going to take car rental and go. Where do I sit around here for five days. I’d have to park in Walmart and stay there the entire time and not move the car because I can’t burn more battery I have about 20 miles left. That would get me from here to U-Haul but like I said they are not gonna have a tow equipment in until next week

Oct 10, 2024 12:09:29 PM Me

So they wont take my card. Its Mastercard but its debit and they dont touch debit. Its corp policy.

Oct 10, 2024 12:10:20 PM Me

Had to walk away from my reservation So stuck in airport now. Note: she cant take cc over phone. Card needs to be present

Oct 10, 2024 12:16:49 PM +13038752587

Hum

Oct 10, 2024 12:16:59 PM +13038752587

Can you take a bus?

Oct 10, 2024 12:19:01 PM +13038752587

Checking on local contacts for you. Remember Mike from Utah- you met him at Carbondale house. He’s reaching out to someone

Oct 10, 2024 12:22:41 PM Me

Im feeling fucked over hard

Oct 10, 2024 12:23:24 PM Me

Do your work dont worry about me

Oct 10, 2024 12:23:51 PM Me

Seeing if i can rent with hertz

Oct 10, 2024 12:44:37 PM +13038752587

For shits and giggles have you tried to charge your car again, since the diagnosis

Oct 10, 2024 12:46:59 PM Me

Ok so this is FUCKED UP

Oct 10, 2024 12:47:27 PM Me

I cannot rent a car at the airport or in town because I do not have a credit card I only have a debit card

Oct 10, 2024 12:47:49 PM Me

I told the people inside what I’m doing and they empathized with me but they can’t get past the machines

Oct 10, 2024 12:48:29 PM Me

I haven’t tried recharging the car. It says it has 17 miles left on the battery and if I drive it one more time it’s gonna be stuck wherever I am

Oct 10, 2024 12:48:45 PM Me

Im sorry

Oct 10, 2024 12:48:56 PM Me

Sorry im such a pita

Oct 10, 2024 12:51:46 PM Me

Looking at flights

Oct 10, 2024 12:53:23 PM +13038752587

Your not - shit happens

Oct 10, 2024 12:53:40 PM +13038752587

What about a bus

Oct 10, 2024 12:54:08 PM Me

$400 flight to Denver

Oct 10, 2024 12:54:22 PM Me

Get there at 7:30 pm tonight

Oct 10, 2024 12:55:49 PM +13038752587

Bus to here

Oct 10, 2024 12:56:01 PM +13038752587

Oct 10, 2024 12:56:27 PM +13038752587

Bit longer than driving but lower price

Oct 10, 2024 12:56:30 PM Me

Adds another day in a cramped seat and 2 transfers

Oct 10, 2024 12:58:06 PM Me

at this point id soend the xtra 300 to be done and not drag this out another day

Oct 10, 2024 12:59:58 PM Me

If I go plane or bus I have to get my shit out and pack the right stuff now. I’m gonna have to leave all my shit here in my car

Oct 10, 2024 1:01:12 PM Me

I guess it comes down to whether or not someone could pick me up at the Denver airport otherwise I end up at Greyhound in Glenwood Springs somewhere

Oct 10, 2024 1:03:15 PM Me

Lmk flight is 5:30, bus 8:30

Oct 10, 2024 1:03:24 PM Me

Its 1pm now

Oct 10, 2024 1:10:00 PM Me

Doing bus. Be there tomorrow at 1:55 it says

Oct 10, 2024 1:10:16 PM +13038752587

How far away is this town?

Oct 10, 2024 1:10:26 PM +13038752587

Oct 10, 2024 1:10:55 PM +13038752587

Can you AAA it there?? With your car

Oct 10, 2024 1:19:33 PM ⇲ Me

85 miles I used 40 something of my 100 per year

Oct 10, 2024 1:11:14 PM +13038752587

In tow

Oct 10, 2024 1:12:01 PM +13038752587

Local contact / maybe able to help

Oct 10, 2024 1:12:06 PM +13038752587

Click to download CARD_8282.vcf (141.00 B)

Oct 10, 2024 1:12:29 PM +13038752587

Friend of Mike Personick

Oct 10, 2024 1:13:08 PM +13038752587

Maybe has a truck and can tow you to Kanab?

Oct 10, 2024 1:13:27 PM +13038752587

Call and see?

Oct 10, 2024 1:14:11 PM +13038752587

He said parking your car at his place is cool

Oct 10, 2024 1:14:28 PM +13038752587

1361 E Dellcorero St. George, UT 84770

Oct 10, 2024 1:16:52 PM Me

Oct 10, 2024 1:18:03 PM Me

Looks like the friend is on the other side of town way on the other side like I couldn’t get my car to him if I wanted to drive it there I would have to get it towed there.

Oct 10, 2024 1:18:47 PM Me

Was about to buy bus ticket

Oct 10, 2024 1:19:33 PM ⇱ Me

85 miles I used 40 something of my 100 per year
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2024 1:19:51 PM Me

Likely have to pay something. Anyhow

Oct 10, 2024 1:20:20 PM ⇲ +13038752587

How much?

Oct 10, 2024 1:20:20 PM ⇱ +13038752587

How much?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 10, 2024 1:20:39 PM Me

No idea until i go make reservation

Oct 10, 2024 1:20:51 PM Me

Go ask for a toe I have to go put in the request to see what happens

Oct 10, 2024 1:22:09 PM Me

Longest day of my life Feels like im going to have heart failure

Oct 10, 2024 1:22:22 PM Me

Stressing out

Oct 10, 2024 1:22:24 PM +13038752587

Find out how much to tow to U-Haul - kenab How much to tow to Adams

Oct 10, 2024 1:22:42 PM +13038752587

There is no rush on this. One step at a time

Oct 10, 2024 1:23:09 PM Me

Ok checking on tow

Oct 10, 2024 1:34:01 PM Me

Its $504

Oct 10, 2024 1:45:47 PM Me

Reservation made It said if they don't have it my reservation available they'll give me 50 bucks on the website

Oct 10, 2024 2:02:11 PM +13038752587

In meetings for 30m

Oct 10, 2024 2:09:50 PM Me

No tow

Oct 10, 2024 4:06:48 PM +13038752587

?

Oct 10, 2024 4:06:49 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 10, 2024 4:08:33 PM Me

I’m in the U-Haul however they did not have a towbar

Oct 10, 2024 4:08:54 PM Me

No one in St. George has a tow

Oct 10, 2024 4:08:58 PM Me

Bar

Oct 10, 2024 4:10:56 PM +13038752587

I know this is a lot

Oct 10, 2024 4:11:20 PM +13038752587

Take a moment, breathe, call me back

Oct 10, 2024 4:18:43 PM Me

Its a V8 and has a hitch

Oct 10, 2024 4:18:50 PM Me

It’s a brand new GMC

Oct 10, 2024 4:23:15 PM +13038752587

On hold with store / they are open to 7pm

Oct 10, 2024 4:23:36 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Confirm the have auto tow

Oct 10, 2024 4:24:02 PM Me

Ok

Oct 10, 2024 4:27:24 PM Me

On my way now

Oct 10, 2024 4:27:43 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Luke is the gentleman who can help yoi

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Oct 10, 2024 4:28:02 PM +13038752587

You can reserve it online - they have 2

Oct 10, 2024 4:28:26 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

I would pull over and make the reservation

Oct 10, 2024 4:29:45 PM Me

Ok

Oct 10, 2024 4:33:06 PM Me

For some reason the website isn’t letting me reserve just a trailer so I’m not gonna fuck with it I gotta get going

Oct 10, 2024 4:35:57 PM Me

I’m on the road and the map says I’ll get there at 6:05

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Oct 10, 2024 6:14:02 PM Me

Jsut arrived at place

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Oct 10, 2024 6:40:50 PM Me

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Oct 10, 2024 6:42:17 PM +13038752587

Is there an inexpensive hotel?

Oct 10, 2024 10:09:12 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 17 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Did you get a hotel?

Oct 10, 2024 10:34:33 PM (Read by you after 8 hours, 51 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

👋

Oct 11, 2024 7:28:13 AM Me

— GM Pulling out 375 miles Send me your address so I can put it in the map Think about me parking Im two parking spaces stacked in length. Cant make too tight a turn

Oct 11, 2024 7:28:52 AM Me

Didnt feel well this am. It’s as if I can feel my body holding off on breaking down on me and just getting really sick

Oct 11, 2024 7:29:27 AM Me

I think u know the feeling I’m talking about where you’re pushing yourself push push push and your body hasn’t had a chance to recoup and it just will make you sick to make you stop

Oct 11, 2024 7:48:50 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 56 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Gm

Oct 11, 2024 7:51:47 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Depending on what time you arrive - you may be able to find a spot in the neighborhood. if there’s nothing in the neighborhood then you can park at the school

Oct 11, 2024 7:51:48 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 11, 2024 7:51:59 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 53 minutes) +13038752587

What is your ETA?

Oct 11, 2024 7:53:29 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 51 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

1476 Crawford Way Glenwood Springs, CO. 81601

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Oct 11, 2024 9:45:21 AM Me

In Beaver UT

Oct 11, 2024 9:45:28 AM Me

Heading out

Oct 11, 2024 9:45:49 AM Me

Maps says 5hrs 9 mins

Oct 11, 2024 9:45:54 AM Me

From Beaver

Oct 11, 2024 9:46:51 AM +13038752587

Call

Oct 11, 2024 4:34:49 PM Me

— I’m in Grand Junction. I’m about to pull out and curious if you have a bicycle I can use if I wanted to go to the store or something. I don’t want to drive the U-Haul. Let me know when you can I’m at least an hour and 20 minutes out

Oct 11, 2024 4:43:57 PM +13038752587

Bicycle is with me

Oct 11, 2024 4:43:58 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 11, 2024 4:44:10 PM +13038752587

Sarah’s is in garage

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Oct 11, 2024 4:46:53 PM +13038752587

We have lots of provisions at the house and you can walk to the store by the gas station - you will drive by it on your way to our house

Oct 11, 2024 6:27:46 PM Me

I am in the elementary school parking lot. And not sure where exactly to park I’m in the staff and visitor parking

Oct 11, 2024 6:27:57 PM Me

There was zero parking on your streets

Oct 11, 2024 6:32:08 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 44 seconds) +13038752587

0815

Oct 11, 2024 6:34:32 PM Me

Inside

Oct 11, 2024 6:34:38 PM Me

All good

Oct 11, 2024 6:47:58 PM Me

Where is ur garage?

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Oct 11, 2024 6:49:44 PM Me

Behind house?

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Oct 11, 2024 6:52:27 PM Me

It has a second floor is that somebody’s apartment

Oct 11, 2024 6:54:20 PM Me

Do you have a padlock???

Oct 11, 2024 6:54:36 PM Me

I don’t have a lock on the back of my truck just a zip strip

Oct 11, 2024 7:00:53 PM Me

Cant shower until I have a padlock I’m not gonna open the back of my truck with all my shit in it To not fucking lock it that’s not smart

Oct 11, 2024 7:12:30 PM Me

I found a lock in one of your kitchen drawers the utility drawer it’s an old one with a chain on it I’m just gonna go slap it on the back of my truck and I’ll keep the key on me otherwise I can’t get the fuck in my truck

Oct 11, 2024 7:12:58 PM Me

— I was really hoping to stop at the dispensary to reward myself for completing this fucking Odyssey and I can’t get to an ATM or the dispensary I’m super fucking bummed out

Oct 11, 2024 7:28:45 PM Me

There are at least two open till and there’s one 3 miles away that’s open till 10 PM. So if I hear back from you on the bicycle I might do some night riding go to an ATM and then make my way back to the dispensary and then back to the house it would be a lot of peddling

Oct 11, 2024 7:49:43 PM Me

You could stop and get a single pre-rolled joint, preferably infused which means they add a boost to the THC so you get up in the 40 and 50% range And Indica or Indica leaning hybrid Indica puts you to sleep sativa is a stimulant

Oct 11, 2024 7:50:45 PM Me

In both dispensaries I frequent in California a single pre-roll is somewhere between $10-$15 but I always go for the highest THC

Oct 11, 2024 7:51:34 PM Me

Kind Castle Organic Cannabis Store (Glenwood Springs) · 5.0★(28) · Cannabis store

Oct 11, 2024 7:52:15 PM Me

My fav

Oct 11, 2024 7:52:24 PM Me

Goodflower — Dispensary, Carbondale Co. · 5.0★(783) · Cannabis store

Oct 11, 2024 7:52:38 PM Me

First ones open till 10 second one is open till 11

Oct 11, 2024 7:52:54 PM Me

The good flower I still have their hat and I have it with me I can’t wait to walk in and see if the people are still working there I knew from last summer

Oct 11, 2024 8:57:52 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 3 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Busy at work

Oct 11, 2024 8:58:46 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 2 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Believe it or not you probably could leave the truck open and everything would be there in the morning. However I completely understand locking it, I would too

Oct 12, 2024 1:09:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— https://maps.app.goo.gl/Yb7AnJEEBwLae1iq7 location to dropoff

Oct 12, 2024 1:09:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

finishing up with pricing

Oct 12, 2024 1:13:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

$50 more bucks

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Oct 12, 2024 1:13:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

done deal

Oct 12, 2024 1:13:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

We’re set for dropoff tomorrow

Oct 12, 2024 1:13:44 PM Me

in Longmont

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Oct 12, 2024 1:13:55 PM Me

😀

Oct 12, 2024 1:22:23 PM Me

Its not the one behind Target, However I did ask for a location that will have someone there to me to check in with instead of just leaving it there with no one to confirm.

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Oct 12, 2024 1:22:42 PM Me

Stoked

Oct 12, 2024 1:22:55 PM Me

had to call local scheduler

Oct 12, 2024 1:22:56 PM +13038752587

This is very close to Meme

Oct 12, 2024 1:23:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“around the corner” sort or way I figure

Oct 12, 2024 1:23:20 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Exactly

Oct 12, 2024 1:23:37 PM Me

unpacking will take less than 20 mins.

Oct 12, 2024 1:23:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

maybe 10 items in truck no bigger than a suitcase or smaller, and the car off the carrier.

Oct 12, 2024 1:24:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

once we arrive there I think we could unload, then drop it off, and be back to your moms in roughly an hour or less

Oct 12, 2024 1:24:50 PM +13038752587

I figure we can drop car at Memes and stuff first

Oct 12, 2024 1:24:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yes

Oct 12, 2024 1:25:09 PM Me

earlier is better 😊

Oct 12, 2024 1:25:11 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Great minds think alike

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Oct 12, 2024 1:25:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

nice to have that completed.

Oct 12, 2024 1:26:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

then on to my next hurdle _ the car

Oct 12, 2024 1:26:07 PM Me

and working

Oct 12, 2024 1:26:34 PM +13038752587

Going into focus mode for 50m bbs

Oct 12, 2024 1:27:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k

Oct 12, 2024 2:48:32 PM Me

| I just got back from my errand to the green Dragon I went across the Cardiff bridge which was really cool and there was actually two guys in a row Design for the rapids down below
Edited 17 seconds later | I just got back from my errand to the green Dragon I went across the Cardiff bridge which was really cool and there was actually two guys in a row boat Designed for the rapids down below

Oct 12, 2024 2:49:14 PM Me

Anyhow I am probably will be here the rest of the day unless I had to run to the market

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Oct 12, 2024 4:24:03 PM Me

Hopefully I’ll catch you before your super busy. Your speaker between the front windows the Klipsch Does it have a power cord? And if so where is it? I want a Bluetooth to it

Oct 12, 2024 4:24:41 PM Me

It had cobwebs inside the handle so I figured it hasn’t been used in sometime. It’s dead when I try to start it

Oct 12, 2024 4:25:10 PM +13038752587

Not sure where the cord is - it’s been mia

Oct 12, 2024 4:26:05 PM +13038752587

You can check the drawer to the left/right of sink. That’s my best guess

Oct 12, 2024 4:26:17 PM Me

K

Oct 12, 2024 4:26:19 PM Me

Thx

Oct 12, 2024 5:27:12 PM Me

FYI Sophia came by looking for girls

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Oct 13, 2024 3:06:21 PM Me

I have already called U-Haul and told them we are running late, they said no problem see you when you get here and thank you for calling

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Oct 13, 2024 4:43:00 PM Me

Went downstairs to do my session

Oct 13, 2024 4:44:18 PM Me

With laurie

Oct 14, 2024 9:46:05 AM Me

GM

Oct 14, 2024 9:46:17 AM Me

Slept wicked late for me

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Oct 14, 2024 9:47:02 AM Me

Ur mom just left on her hour walk with her friend across the way

Oct 14, 2024 11:54:14 AM Me

Whats ur ETA here?

Oct 14, 2024 12:01:10 PM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

30m ish

Oct 14, 2024 12:01:21 PM (Read by you after 28 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Have to stop by house to get mail

Oct 14, 2024 5:27:31 PM Me

— Im having very strong feelings I want yo communicate to Jenica because she hurt me really bad and when I meditated on it I boiled it down to what’s in this text message. I’m wondering what your thoughts are. I expect you to say that if you ever want to speak to her again you won’t send that I know that will be said but I’m really pissed and really hurt — — You need to read this. After many sessions of long and deep reflection and meditation its become clear to me at its most basic level. You DID REJECT me! And it was because of money. Some call that a gold-digger… ( aint hang with no broke n***az ) shallow behavior and decision making Have a good time with your PayPal

Oct 14, 2024 5:28:28 PM Me

Remeber i sent her my heart and she called and ripped a new asshole on me

Oct 14, 2024 5:33:04 PM (Read by you after 14 hours, 38 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

| What is your best gained by reaching out?
Edited 18 seconds later | What is to be gained by reaching out?

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Oct 15, 2024 8:16:25 AM Me

Other than getting final word, i’d be honestly telling her that the way she treated me was like a gold digger. And that I’ve never been that clear about it to her before. Plus I’m still fucking hurt and I honestly want to punch back after getting my asshole ripped open What I don’t know if that’s a boundary thing. Like hey, you have no fucking right to tell me XYZ. You can take that roll it up put it up your ass and get the fuck out of here I feel silence at the end makes you seem weak.

Oct 15, 2024 8:17:16 AM Me

Spotify

Oct 15, 2024 8:17:51 AM Me

I could just send that quotation from the song and the song itself I think the song says it all

Oct 15, 2024 8:23:38 AM Me

— I think I left my bread at your house

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Oct 15, 2024 1:12:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

check this:

Oct 15, 2024 1:12:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://mss.longmontcolorado.gov/ess/EmploymentOpportunities/JobDetail.aspx?req=20240320&sreq=1&form=CSTN&desc=APPLICATION%20SUPPORT%20ANALYST

Oct 15, 2024 1:12:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

only thing I lack is a valid colorado drivers license

Oct 15, 2024 2:21:51 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 48 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Easy enough to get one

Oct 15, 2024 6:35:16 PM ⇲ Me

Wonder if they make me road test

Oct 15, 2024 6:36:24 PM ⇲ +13038752587

They do not

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Oct 15, 2024 1:12:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Application Support Analyst. 7-8k a month

Oct 15, 2024 1:13:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Imagine I could walk into that tomorrow and start figuring out the job myself simply based on their description — just give me access to the equipment. Easy peasy to manage that setup

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Oct 15, 2024 2:21:51 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 48 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Easy enough to get one
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2024 4:08:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So, Uhaul charged me an additional $319.00 on top of the $700 I already paid them.

Oct 15, 2024 4:09:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Mileage change from Newcaste to Longmont at $1 per mile. Except its 203.3 miles between them. My bank account is —289.00 I still have not paid the $700 on my car. I have my car, but not for long (fuck)

Oct 15, 2024 4:09:44 PM Me

I just want some fucking pocket money I fucking hate this

Oct 15, 2024 6:35:16 PM ⇱ Me

Wonder if they make me road test
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 15, 2024 6:35:55 PM Me

Out dashing. Got first order going already. Changed my base from Ojai to Longmont

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Oct 15, 2024 6:36:21 PM Me

Signed up for 1/2 hour and now have 2 hours

Oct 15, 2024 6:36:24 PM ⇱ +13038752587

They do not

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Oct 15, 2024 6:36:26 PM Me

6-8pm

Oct 15, 2024 7:32:52 PM Me

Oct 15, 2024 8:45:45 PM Me

They figure if I can handle the freeways in LA that I’ve passed the test

Oct 15, 2024 8:45:48 PM Me

🤣🤣

Oct 15, 2024 8:46:40 PM Me

Made $25 Found that cool sandwich shop and got brought around to different parts of town I’ve never been before. That’s the one really cool thing about DoorDash is if you’re new to an area it’s a killer way to get to know the area and all the good places to eat It’s no-brainer

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Oct 15, 2024 11:07:39 PM Me

Btw Woke up with Jenica on my mind again And she showed up again tonight. It’s weird because I’ve consciously asked my subconscious to let it go, and I’ve meditated on letting her go and leaving it in the past. Even with all that intention she continues to show up and I don’t know what to make of that

Oct 16, 2024 9:46:13 AM (Read by you after 51 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Accept it without attachment

Oct 16, 2024 10:37:31 AM Me

Just woke up

Oct 16, 2024 10:37:37 AM Me

Holy shit

Oct 16, 2024 10:37:56 AM Me

Something let go to allow that to happen

Oct 16, 2024 11:47:35 AM Me

Hey! Check out this post from The Pattern.

Oct 16, 2024 11:47:41 AM Me

Oct 17, 2024 9:14:39 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Hey, GM. I DDshd this AM for 30 mins and made $16. At Starbucks on the corner of Ken Pratt and doing some work on catching up with email and then doing research on the company I’m interviewing with tomorrow. Going thru email and Uhaul issued me a FULL refund, not juist what I was asking for, they gave me the entire thing back. Screen cap below. Gratitude is far short of adequate for this type of good fortune. I get overwhelmed with emotion when I feel this level of gratitude. My heart feels really big and exposed and I cry. It’s both happiness and a release of pent up anxiety from being in survival mode for a long time. Like I said when in CA, its going to take me some time to unwravel my homeless mind. —

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Oct 17, 2024 9:15:08 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, drove ‘Matilda’ out for the doordash this am. Everything seems to be going reall well with the car.

Oct 17, 2024 9:16:20 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

However, when door dashing and being in that car I am back in CA in my mind, in survival mode. That may be a tough nut to crack. Plus going to starbucks after dashing this morning I did with intention, but I think also out of habit from homelessness. Where else to go? It is familiar and safe to me.

Oct 17, 2024 9:16:33 AM Me

Anyhow, enough brain dump for now.

Oct 17, 2024 10:12:23 AM Me

Hey! Check out this post from The Pattern. https://open.thepattern.com/deeplink/lens?billboard_id=daily_1270021186 This Is spot on for me

Oct 17, 2024 10:13:23 AM Me

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This!!!

Oct 17, 2024 10:26:30 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

There is a coffee shop in the plaza next to meme’s. Also check out cave girl, red frog coffee, Java stop, ozo coffee, Meco All good places

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Oct 18, 2024 8:48:51 AM Me

GM How goes things? Have my interview at 11am with KickUp Think good thoughts

Oct 18, 2024 9:07:47 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 45 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

GM Things are well. Good vibrations and energy are flowing your way!

Oct 18, 2024 11:35:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Interview was good. However they’re looking at 4 potential candidates already — late in application process

Oct 18, 2024 11:35:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, recruiter is sharp _ good network connection regardless. he’s orignally from NJ and played soccer in Oneonta — small world story.

Oct 18, 2024 12:47:05 PM Me

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Lookie where I am

Oct 18, 2024 7:27:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

—

Oct 18, 2024 7:27:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

☹️😕😞

Oct 18, 2024 10:16:51 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

dooood

Oct 18, 2024 10:16:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Oct 18, 2024 10:17:01 PM Me

insane

Oct 18, 2024 10:17:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

how. do u practice that?

Oct 18, 2024 10:24:49 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

WOW 🤯

Oct 19, 2024 12:46:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

how r u?

Oct 19, 2024 12:48:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feeling off out of sync with the world Looking into the fun inside from the window outside Not sure if this is some kind of safety mechanism or what. Also felt compelled to get out of the house this morning. Also compelled to Starbucks out of habit, predictability and a weird sense of safety and routine.

Oct 19, 2024 12:49:35 PM +13038752587

Break it up - go to cave girl coffee

Oct 19, 2024 12:50:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I know this is my fear of adjusting. Fear of unknown. I’m not delusional thinking that nothing will ever say consistent However that seems to be what the subconscious is grasping for consistency anywhere in life

Oct 19, 2024 12:50:46 PM Me

perhaps more of a want for something dependable

Oct 19, 2024 12:52:37 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

only dependable and predictable things for me…. I will go to sleep tonight—if something doesnt get me first The world will continue to change People will continue to change All with no matter to my existence or plausible impact in spacetime

Oct 19, 2024 12:53:11 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my head in stuck in existential dread

Oct 19, 2024 12:53:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Hey non-sequitor Have you listened to more of ReBoot

Oct 19, 2024 1:04:00 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 16 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

4hrs in

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Oct 19, 2024 12:53:55 PM Me

??

Oct 19, 2024 12:54:12 PM Me

I need to listen to that again.

Oct 19, 2024 12:54:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

That and Rick Rubin’s book on Creativity — fucking genius book that will still be used 100 years from now.

Oct 19, 2024 12:54:51 PM Me

That’s a must listen as well.

Oct 19, 2024 12:55:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I thought I knew alot about creativitiy and he made me head pop off a few times.

Oct 19, 2024 1:04:00 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 16 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

4hrs in

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 19, 2024 1:29:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

First of Mental Health Poster Designs

Oct 19, 2024 1:29:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Oct 19, 2024 2:23:51 PM (Read by you after 48 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Did you design this?

Oct 19, 2024 3:12:07 PM Me

Yes

Oct 19, 2024 3:12:09 PM Me

And this

Oct 19, 2024 3:12:12 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Oct 19, 2024 3:12:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to do a series of 16. All emotions I feel intensely.

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Oct 19, 2024 3:15:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Limerance Isolation Worthlessness Dissosiation Invisible Broken Purposelessness Unlovable Fear Anxiety Lonliness Shame Guilt Fright

Oct 19, 2024 3:41:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Oct 19, 2024 3:57:48 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Oct 19, 2024 3:58:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Oct 19, 2024 3:58:50 PM Me

One row done

Oct 19, 2024 4:38:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— feeling lonely and worthless I’m around people in public but that does nothing for lonliness. the feeling of lonliness reinforces worthlessness — if I wasn’t worthless someone might want to hang out alas, I got nothing but emptiness

Oct 19, 2024 4:40:22 PM Me

— Despite having a week of not sleeping in the car and showering more often… I have yet to feel like headspace is shifting into a more positive space. I am in the same place mentally, but not physically

Oct 19, 2024 4:40:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sux

Oct 19, 2024 4:45:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what makes it hurt more is the knowledge I’m working to get out of this space but seem to go no where. A few days of non-major depression, just regular flavored depression and then back to major emotions with ideation sneaking in here or there — hasnt since been here.

Oct 19, 2024 4:46:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I simply sit alone in my head and unhappy with life for many years. I’m still unsure if I’ve ever experienced life without being depressed — that itself is depressing. damn hamster wheel showing up everywhere.

Oct 19, 2024 4:53:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Pretty sure working a job just to have a job will be a temporary distraction, until it isn’t and I’m back in the deep depression space like always. The other thought I cannot get out of my head is that although things are changing I feel as if I am going backwards in some aspects of life. I feel a disconnection that is hard-wired in my brain. I’ve ALWAYS felt disconnected since I was a kid. Always the last picked for teams or games. No strong friends I’ve had over my life—everyone dissapears on me as some point…. Even Liz…

Oct 19, 2024 5:00:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Having a very hard time convincing—or is it fooling—myself that any of this is worth it. Dont fit in, dont belong anywhere, feel outside the snowglobe looking in, no sense of belonging to people, places or things — all untethered, meaninglessness and worthlessness dominates. Its a very familiar headspace that weirdly has become a safespace — no one to bother me, or be near me. Feeling inconsequential and invisible is status quo, and a confusingly comfortable space because I’ve been soaking in it for so long.

Oct 19, 2024 5:02:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— OK, think I’ll go walk around the ponds that I used to frequent when I stayed here before when you still lived at your old house. Likely organize clothes, maybe eat something, and go to bed to live another mental and emotional groundhog day tomorrow.

Oct 19, 2024 5:05:52 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 9 seconds) Me

flatline

Oct 19, 2024 5:05:57 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 4 seconds) Me

ugh

Oct 20, 2024 10:33:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Awake and another day of same mental bullshit

Oct 20, 2024 10:40:05 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

At least in CA I was friends with the coffee shop people and could socialize with them — took me a year to get to that point. I got nothin here and I’m not going to put myself out there when I don’t have a life of my own. I learned my lesson with Jenica — but at the same time I’m simply watching one day after another go by and I’m depressed and miserable every day Until I can get on my own feet nothing else happens If past history is any indicator I’m going to not be successful, at least how I might imagine my life. The universe wont allow what I want to happen I don’t see me working a min-wage job the rest of my life Rather be dead than stick around and compound my misery just staying alive to not inconvenience others

Oct 20, 2024 10:40:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Thats how I feel\

Oct 20, 2024 10:41:33 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Absolutely nothing to look forward to every day day after day after day after day after day after day

Oct 20, 2024 10:43:01 AM Me

— almost 2 years of my life with not much I’m honesty really over this being alive thing have had more depression, sadness, anxiety, and other BS in my head every day of my fucking life

Oct 20, 2024 10:43:22 AM Me

have had more depression, sadness, anxiety, and other BS in my head every day of my fucking life

Oct 20, 2024 10:46:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Just now I’m aware of the emotions and how they manipulate me

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Oct 20, 2024 10:46:58 AM Me

-- I was blind to it before and simply struggled and pushed my way thru life simply because I was scared. A life lived entirely from a place of FEAR

Oct 20, 2024 10:53:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— no wonder I text the shit out of you — otherwise I’m in my head 247365 Not comfortable talking about my mental issues with others, even family, because they dismiss it — and then start drawing comparisons to themselves and other family members as if I’m no as tough as they are I just need to suck it up and not be weak — that’s what I hear I cannot express my anger because there’s not a word that means that x1000 existentially. I shut the fuck down because I dont want to rip their fucking head off and then punt it into the fucking sky as far as I can Unless you’re in my head you have NO FUCKING IDEA what its like I dont care how much common DNA we may have — I submit anyone else would have already done themselves in — killed themselves — I’m just too stubborn to do it — Anyhow, its not even 11am and now have to push thru today mentally only to wake up and live another awful day

Oct 20, 2024 11:16:18 AM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Broken hearted warrior! Almost done with reboot, next listen through with journal on hand

Oct 20, 2024 11:16:42 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

When do you meet with Boulder County folks?

Oct 20, 2024 11:39:43 AM ⇲ Me

Waiting for call back

Oct 20, 2024 11:17:06 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to hotel soon for a few hours today. Big event next two days.

Oct 20, 2024 11:39:43 AM ⇱ Me

Waiting for call back
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 20, 2024 11:41:21 AM Me

Also 3 car payments behind. Over $1200 Imagine theyll be coming for car soon That will be fun

Oct 20, 2024 11:42:03 AM Me

Feeling pushed to exit

Oct 20, 2024 11:43:52 AM Me

Came on hard yesterday and its turning up the intensity Sux

Oct 20, 2024 12:16:20 PM Me

— Was going to dash but the “dash now” dissapered before I could get out there. No money, no friends, no places to go

Oct 20, 2024 12:16:47 PM Me

At least I had the beach in CA I got nothing here

Oct 20, 2024 12:17:02 PM Me

More isolated than ever

Oct 20, 2024 12:17:37 PM Me

And it has to be that way Until I have shit together which at this pace is never

Oct 20, 2024 12:18:10 PM Me

— Sitting in my car in a parking lot and feel at home Thats fucked up

Oct 20, 2024 12:18:17 PM Me

I hate this

Oct 20, 2024 12:22:34 PM Me

Dont even have $$ to buy coffee Cant go to coffee shops I may have a bed and a ahower but I mentally am feeling worse today than ever Hamster wheel wont stop and been going hard since opened my eyes. Anyhow… Another day of screaming into the void again Feeling so over done

Oct 20, 2024 12:32:01 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Dashing?

Oct 20, 2024 12:32:37 PM ⇲ Me

5:30pm - 6pm. Thats it

Oct 20, 2024 12:32:17 PM Me

Actually scraped enough nickels to get one coffee

Oct 20, 2024 12:32:37 PM ⇱ Me

5:30pm - 6pm. Thats it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 20, 2024 12:33:15 PM Me

Going to apply to usps.com If I get a full-time job maybe I’ll just go be a mailman the rest of my life and live alone and just disappear

Oct 20, 2024 12:34:26 PM Me

In the dip and i dont want to push my way out Never works out Why bother

Oct 20, 2024 12:50:01 PM Me

— Apologies for the verbal diarrhea Hopefully my headspace will shift soon Usually does but sux to lose time to the mental bullshit sidetracking me Im exhausted from treading water on the hamster wheel and screaming in the void

Oct 20, 2024 1:23:28 PM Me

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i dont feel belonging non-familial If youve not felt it u wouldnt get it

Oct 20, 2024 8:17:57 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This is part of my makeup - being a youngest child I think and having my sister telling me I was adopted over and over

Oct 20, 2024 2:08:12 PM Me

Cyclic habitual behaviors in thought, or an action

Oct 20, 2024 2:09:01 PM Me

Most people are invisible to these things, whereas I am the puppy whose face is smashed into the pile of shit.

Oct 20, 2024 3:49:07 PM Me

Adobe is about to suspend my account… nice.

Oct 20, 2024 7:45:43 PM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/1645470091?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow

Oct 20, 2024 7:45:43 PM Me

Listening to this today. Started at the begining Learning again about “Tonglen” practice If I can gain the skill from the practice I could potentially free my mind from the repeating BS

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Oct 20, 2024 7:57:39 PM Me

Oct 20, 2024 8:17:57 PM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This is part of my makeup - being a youngest child I think and having my sister telling me I was adopted over and over
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 21, 2024 2:00:42 PM Me

I find this downright funny. Theres nothing that aligns with this but apparently its HUGE

Oct 21, 2024 2:01:53 PM Me

This however does resonate

Oct 21, 2024 5:05:03 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Ugh

Oct 21, 2024 5:05:16 PM Me

Adobe has locked me out of their applications

Oct 21, 2024 5:05:21 PM Me

they arent fucking around

Oct 21, 2024 5:16:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

4 U

Oct 21, 2024 5:16:55 PM Me

https://g.co/kgs/nXjbgfr

Oct 21, 2024 9:03:00 PM Me

This city is always hopping every day

Oct 21, 2024 11:24:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

is it expensive to rent a one bedroom or studio up there?

Oct 21, 2024 11:24:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I would look for work up there if its a cool place to chill.

Oct 22, 2024 11:29:36 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 31 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

We enjoyed our brief stay there. It’s quiet town in the winter

Oct 21, 2024 11:25:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Had AI help me rewrite my resume so I can apply for jobs that require customer service. Using my same jobs but rewriting things. Not lying, but telling a different story with same information

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Oct 21, 2024 11:25:55 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Let me know what you think.

Click to download J_Bert_Mahoney—CS_102124.docx (861.02 KB)

￼

Oct 22, 2024 9:18:26 AM Me

— Dark side is strong today

Oct 22, 2024 9:22:05 AM Me

Insanely strong. Just want to dissapear forever

Oct 22, 2024 11:29:36 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 31 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

We enjoyed our brief stay there. It’s quiet town in the winter
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 22, 2024 11:30:00 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

There are some decent deals for the off season

Oct 22, 2024 11:31:24 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

At work until 3 then teachers conferences them back to work for a few hours. Hopefully home by 8pm

Oct 22, 2024 12:00:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

- k today I had one of those mental tough starts, but your mom had me out the door at 8:30am to appt that led us to Longmont Senior Center and made appointment with a woman who works there on Nov 21 — which is all fine. I applied to a range of jobs in Longmont late last night—I have no idea if I’ll like, but everything is pushing me into something I dont want, in a direction I dont want. Don’t know how to say it other than that. People dont understand what I’m saying and I get speeches. I dont want or need speeches. I want the speech effort to go into trying to understand. I want understanding, not comparison. What I’m dealing with pales in comparison to others. Distractions from core hurt. Put on your mask, and just suck it the fuck up.

Oct 22, 2024 12:03:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m ungrateful, weak, entitled, privileged, asshat brat who is having a pissy fit that things arent going his way. Just a bunch of fucking whining. Didn’t have that take until this morning.

Oct 22, 2024 12:04:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Still depressed as a mother fucker. This ad for mindbloom somehow showed up on screen today. At home, with online guidance. $$ is only thing from me signing up

Oct 22, 2024 12:04:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://welcome.mindbloom.com/

Oct 22, 2024 12:06:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

If it make 10% of the ppl who try feel better, I want to try. Dont know until you do. I’m not afraid of trying shit.

Oct 22, 2024 2:06:22 PM Me

— Extra White face paint for halloween? I have a brown suit.

Oct 22, 2024 2:06:27 PM Me

Going as him

Oct 22, 2024 2:06:31 PM Me

Oct 22, 2024 2:06:56 PM Me

Oct 22, 2024 3:17:23 PM Me

Lmk

Oct 22, 2024 3:53:26 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Did you do there online questions?

Oct 22, 2024 3:53:55 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

It is a good custom

Oct 22, 2024 4:03:17 PM Me

Yes I did their questions and it came out different than I would have thought.

Oct 22, 2024 4:07:34 PM Me

— Today has been depressingly hard in my head The idea of moving into a senior community… Wtf?? Am I that fucking done? Made me literally hold back tears. Just masked and kept going. Saying yes and thank you to shit i cant even remember what was said

Oct 22, 2024 4:09:07 PM Me

— Life feels very much… Just move along, pay no mind to those feelings. Theyre just weak ass shit you should ignore… And we wonder why ppl are fucked up

Oct 22, 2024 4:09:19 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What? What do you mean moving into a senior community

Oct 22, 2024 4:09:43 PM Me

Senior housing

Oct 22, 2024 4:09:54 PM Me

55+

Oct 22, 2024 4:10:04 PM Me

Apparently its cheaper

Oct 22, 2024 4:10:22 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What are all the options?

Oct 22, 2024 4:10:50 PM Me

A. Life I dont want B. Tap it

Oct 22, 2024 4:11:01 PM Me

Thats how it feels

Oct 22, 2024 4:11:20 PM Me

Of course I’m too much of a chickenshit to carry out B

Oct 22, 2024 4:12:37 PM Me

Its ok. Ill just deal Its what ive done my whole life Sorry to bug

Oct 22, 2024 4:12:57 PM Me

Just getting negative vibes from everything

Oct 22, 2024 9:45:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— to liz — I’m sick of how I hear you talk about me to others and make up fictional stories about me. Why does my oldest son think I’m coming to “take all your money?” Not intimidating question Liz, pretty damn simple. Answer the question, why would he say that? You talking shit about me in front of him? Whats the story morning glory? I want an answer in 24 hours please.

Oct 23, 2024 9:26:13 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

GM

Oct 23, 2024 9:26:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

didnt send that btw

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Oct 23, 2024 9:26:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a BIG problem

Oct 23, 2024 9:26:41 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Oct 23, 2024 9:27:10 AM Me

Your vehicle may be assigned for repossession in the next few days. If you can’t pay the past due amount,

Oct 23, 2024 9:27:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Past due amount:$1,134.80

Oct 23, 2024 9:27:55 AM Me

car breaking down fucked me. I got $20

Oct 23, 2024 9:28:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hyperventilating

Oct 23, 2024 9:28:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

wow

Oct 23, 2024 9:29:03 AM +13038752587

Ok - step one is to call them see what your options are? What is the minimum payment they will accept

Oct 23, 2024 9:29:36 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Actually first breathe find your center

Oct 23, 2024 9:29:48 AM +13038752587

Then call them.

Oct 23, 2024 9:29:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I cant access anything Adobe either

Oct 23, 2024 9:29:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

locked me out

Oct 23, 2024 9:30:10 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I cant do anything with any files online or off

Oct 23, 2024 9:30:31 AM +13038752587

Biggest frog 🐸 to eat right now is the car

Oct 23, 2024 9:30:35 AM Me

they lock you out when youre not online using their tools

Oct 23, 2024 9:31:01 AM Me

I need a little. I’m losing my shit inside my skull right now

Oct 23, 2024 9:31:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

massive mask

Oct 23, 2024 9:31:06 AM Me

I’m in public

Oct 23, 2024 9:31:28 AM +13038752587

Are you dashing?

Oct 23, 2024 9:31:46 AM Me

did 2 hrs of dash 7-9 made $20 — now at starbucks trying to follow up on apps and apply to more

Oct 23, 2024 9:31:49 AM Me

done dashing

Oct 23, 2024 9:33:29 AM Me

I know I have to call them. The level of shame is indescribable. Rather not call, be done with everything—leave shit as is + tap out

Oct 23, 2024 9:33:38 AM Me

Fucked up that Id rather tap out than call them

Oct 23, 2024 9:34:21 AM Me

I will call them I just cant do it this very minute or maybe hour.

Oct 23, 2024 9:34:33 AM Me

I will call them today when I can get my head in the right place

Oct 23, 2024 9:36:02 AM ⇲ +13038752587

Ok - what do you need to do to get your head in the right place?

Oct 23, 2024 9:36:49 AM ⇲ Me

time, some distraction, maybe a walk. sorta “reset” button of sorts

Oct 23, 2024 9:34:51 AM Me

I dont need more shit to deal wiht

Oct 23, 2024 9:34:56 AM Me

and here it is

Oct 23, 2024 9:35:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yesterday I was REALLY low and dark. Felt better this morning until seeing that email. It fucked with my head.’

Oct 23, 2024 9:36:02 AM ⇱ +13038752587

Ok - what do you need to do to get your head in the right place?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2024 9:36:06 AM Me

Anyhow. Going to sit here. Go through email and look for jobs

Oct 23, 2024 9:36:49 AM ⇱ Me

time, some distraction, maybe a walk. sorta “reset” button of sorts
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2024 9:37:09 AM Me

i’m getting sick of life

Oct 23, 2024 9:37:30 AM Me

just dont know how much more bullshit I’m going to put up with

Oct 23, 2024 9:37:39 AM Me

I keep getting pushed

Oct 23, 2024 9:37:44 AM Me

WTF?!?!?!

Oct 23, 2024 9:37:51 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Lay the fuck off

Oct 23, 2024 9:39:41 AM Me

I’m dealing with moving — one of the top stressors — and suddenly not working is even a bigger stress than in CA — I’m psychologically feeling an incredible amount of pressure to “SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT, get a job, cut out your whiny depression bullshit and put on big boy pants.”

Oct 23, 2024 9:43:36 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 42 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

That is your story (interpretation). People are attempting to help in the only way they know. Know it comes from a place of caring about you. They are unable to sit in your shoes and therefore can’t truly relate or even understand .

Oct 23, 2024 9:39:57 AM +13038752587

Straight talk. Stop the emails and job hunting. Go for a walk in nature, meditate, then call them. Once you know your options, then I can help with a plan of action.

Oct 23, 2024 9:40:21 AM Me

ok

Oct 23, 2024 9:40:44 AM Me

how much are you free today? Figuring out when I can bug you about it

Oct 23, 2024 9:44:33 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Until 1:30 I’m available

Oct 23, 2024 9:43:36 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 42 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

That is your story (interpretation). People are attempting to help in the only way they know. Know it comes from a place of caring about you. They are unable to sit in your shoes and therefore can’t truly relate or even understand .
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2024 9:44:33 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Until 1:30 I’m available
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 23, 2024 10:09:38 AM Me

ok

Oct 23, 2024 10:09:48 AM Me

just saw this. Its free:

Oct 23, 2024 10:09:49 AM Me

https://rsvp.withgoogle.com/events/google-generative-ai-intensive/home

Oct 23, 2024 10:10:03 AM Me

“It’s a 5-day online course on November 11 - 15 designed to help you deeply understand some of the fundamental technologies and techniques behind Generative AI. Created by a team of Google’s ML researchers and engineers, this program includes both conceptual deep dives and hands-on coding examples so you can tackle new Gen AI projects with confidence.”

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Oct 23, 2024 10:13:10 AM (Read by you after 40 seconds) +13038752587

Signed up

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Oct 23, 2024 10:32:50 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This is a smart article:

Oct 23, 2024 10:32:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Harvard Business Review

Oct 23, 2024 10:48:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

came across this tiny community:

Oct 23, 2024 10:48:50 AM Me

Feasts and Fables

Oct 23, 2024 11:24:32 AM Me

Hey! Check out this post from The Pattern.

Oct 23, 2024 11:24:37 AM Me

Oct 23, 2024 12:44:14 PM Me

Calling them shortly

Oct 23, 2024 12:44:55 PM Me

Is there a good hike around Longmont somewhere that’s short driveway? I’d even drive foothills boulder or wherever. Just wanna get away from people and trails in neighborhoods are full of people and bikes. I think you know what I’m talking about

Oct 23, 2024 12:45:03 PM Me

OK be in touch shortly

Oct 23, 2024 1:01:19 PM Me

— Nice. Spotify took my morning doordash money. 19.99 Have literally $0.01 To my name 😔

Oct 23, 2024 2:00:37 PM Me

I need 267.40 in my bank account by Friday. But then I have a $700 pmt in 3 weeks

Oct 23, 2024 2:01:38 PM Me

Let me know what you think.

Oct 23, 2024 2:02:22 PM Me

Im going to confirm. Have no other options

Oct 23, 2024 2:09:52 PM Me

— Going here shortly

Oct 23, 2024 2:09:58 PM Me

Niwot Loop Trail Trailhead · 4.8★(32) · Hiking area

Oct 23, 2024 2:19:36 PM Me

— Todays prevailing thought is “loser” I pay for this monerarily and psychologically.

Oct 23, 2024 2:19:37 PM Me

https://www.yearofmentalhealth.com/p/the-struggle-tax

Oct 23, 2024 2:19:52 PM Me

I pay this tax

Oct 23, 2024 7:47:11 PM Me

This

Oct 23, 2024 7:47:12 PM Me

YouTube

Oct 24, 2024 11:19:54 AM Me

Darkside is here today

Oct 24, 2024 1:04:06 PM Me

1pm and I’m still in bed

Oct 24, 2024 1:04:49 PM Me

think i’m staying here all day

Oct 24, 2024 1:06:15 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I really want to be done with this existence and feel as though I am being punished by being made to stay alive

Oct 24, 2024 1:06:53 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

keep suffereing sucker! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oct 24, 2024 1:10:12 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I can remember saying over a year ago I cant do this much longer AND WHAT THE FUCK….. WHY AM STILL IN THIS FUCKING PLACE ?????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Oct 24, 2024 1:28:20 PM Me

— The reaper is coming now I can feel it. Different this time

Oct 24, 2024 1:29:07 PM Me

My head is pounding HARD

Oct 24, 2024 1:36:05 PM Me

- Better Off Dead

Oct 24, 2024 1:39:02 PM Me

- How to reconcile a world that doesnt want me (and i dont want it) with people who want me here to feel good?

Oct 24, 2024 1:39:38 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Wow the darkness is in full swing

Oct 24, 2024 1:41:05 PM +13038752587

People want you here because they love you and want you to heal. Not so they can feel good. Be wary of the lies that come from the darkness. Its only goal is to consume you. Get up and get out in nature.

Oct 24, 2024 1:42:08 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Logistics tell me the breakdown of the car payments 270 tomorrow 700 when specifically Then what are the standard payments

Oct 24, 2024 1:45:24 PM Me

700+ a month X3 months February back to 440mo

Oct 24, 2024 1:48:33 PM Me

I was litteraly hitting myself hard in the head this morning cause I’ve simply had enough of this Never done that before. It just happened cuz i was so furious with everything And feeling incredible pressure to “snap out of it” and just ignore your feelings and distract yourself with something to pass the time.

Oct 24, 2024 1:49:09 PM Me

- im trying Thats all i can do

Oct 24, 2024 1:55:13 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

A big hug

Oct 24, 2024 1:55:20 PM +13038752587

And love ❤️

Oct 24, 2024 1:55:36 PM +13038752587

Stepping into meeting

Oct 24, 2024 7:51:00 PM Me

I cannot win

Oct 24, 2024 7:51:07 PM Me

Mom gives me money

Oct 24, 2024 7:51:16 PM Me

Brother sends to Venmo

Oct 24, 2024 7:51:59 PM Me

Costs $5 to transfer And now $2 ahort I cant do ANYTHING FUCKING RIGHT!!!!!!!!

Oct 24, 2024 7:52:41 PM Me

And if I don’t transfer this shit right away Apple will come in and eat like $100 and then I’m fucked hard again. Executive function just doesn’t fucking work for me I’m sorry this is what I call the executive function tax. I’m sure you remember me sending you the article the other day or I’m sure probably not

Oct 24, 2024 7:54:06 PM Me

Oct 24, 2024 7:54:25 PM Me

Oct 24, 2024 7:55:50 PM Me

Thats perfect 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Repossesed cuz $2.12

Oct 24, 2024 7:56:01 PM Me

Story of my life

Oct 24, 2024 7:56:16 PM Me

“Almost buddy, nice try”

Oct 24, 2024 7:56:33 PM Me

Now sit TF down 😁

Oct 24, 2024 8:40:47 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

What do you need

Oct 24, 2024 8:41:51 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Do you need 2.12$

Oct 24, 2024 8:44:54 PM Me

Yeah. But have to cover tranfer fe

Oct 24, 2024 8:45:17 PM Me

$5?

Oct 24, 2024 8:45:20 PM +13038752587

Where am I sending it?

Oct 24, 2024 8:45:48 PM Me

Venmo

Oct 24, 2024 9:01:25 PM Me

Darrell Ritchie paid you $15.00 ☕

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Oct 24, 2024 9:04:07 PM Me

TY I have it transferred

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Oct 25, 2024 10:30:25 AM Me

Gm. Yesterday was not a good day. One of the hardest hitting days of depression. Still depresed at bedtime but not total pits

Oct 25, 2024 10:30:42 AM Me

Literally just getting started

Oct 25, 2024 10:33:36 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

GM Today’s a new day - yesterday is gone Start your day with time in nature

Oct 25, 2024 12:26:40 PM Me

Hey! Check out this audio from The Pattern. https://open.thepattern.com/deeplink/posts/XYMVD_jnSxGRKQDm7DlDAg/audio/chapter/1?origin=dt_cms I am the wounded healer apparently

Oct 25, 2024 1:06:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Didn’t go outside first. I took things slow, buzzed my beard ‘nearly’ to nothing. Talked to your mom before heading to RedFrog Coffee today. I have all five of those places saved to a GMap list. Ozo(2x), RedFrong now, and I’ve driven by MeCo 2x dashing and its the farthest away but probably the next one I’ll head to.

Oct 25, 2024 1:10:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Today I’m going to focus on my stuff—I’ve been pushing on dart website and then otherwise been mired in my head. Going to work on more of those Mental Posters. The Coffin in the Brain stuff.

Oct 25, 2024 1:17:09 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

I think I could sell those designs. I’m setting up a way online for people to order them at Society 6. WIth a free Account I can only sell 10 things a time so I’ll start there.

Oct 25, 2024 3:39:27 PM Me

-- Hi

Oct 25, 2024 3:39:30 PM Me

QUESTION

Oct 25, 2024 3:40:19 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Game One of Yankees vs Dodgers in world series. whats a good sports bar with food in Longmont? Your mom mentioned the two of us going out to watch the game

Oct 25, 2024 3:40:29 PM Me

First pitch 6:08 MST

Oct 25, 2024 3:40:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Russ texted me to remind me

Oct 25, 2024 4:27:31 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Red zone

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Oct 25, 2024 4:38:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— hey thought dropped in subconscious is fighting my efforts with getting myself back dont know how else to explain things I should be better by now, but I’m not. I feel like I’m going backwards or treading water. I’m fearful of going in a direction that will STOKE depression and inflame it. I know how my head works and I’m prescient because its a child-developed survival superpower. I’m good at sussing whats going to happen to plan for the worst. Daily survival in the house for me growing up. Anyhow. Holiday Season is coming fast and I’m going to get triggered like a mother fucker. I could levitate off the floor meditating but I dont think that would hold off emotions relating to my kids. I know you know — only thing that tops the self is your kids

Oct 25, 2024 6:39:22 PM Me

Just avoided a numbskull pulling into my lane from a dead stop. I was doing 30, under the limit

Oct 25, 2024 6:39:57 PM Me

Hit the horn He stoooed and meekly backed up

Oct 25, 2024 6:40:02 PM Me

Still shaking

Oct 25, 2024 6:40:25 PM Me

Jacked on adrenaline.

Oct 25, 2024 6:40:31 PM Me

Oy

Oct 25, 2024 7:02:48 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

Wow

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Oct 25, 2024 7:02:49 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 25, 2024 8:01:03 PM Me

YouTube

Oct 25, 2024 8:01:40 PM Me

I could see you attempting that

Oct 25, 2024 8:02:10 PM Me

Crazy Parkour

Oct 25, 2024 11:28:11 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

interesting llisten

Oct 25, 2024 11:28:16 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Oct 25, 2024 11:28:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

he has good understanding of whats coming

Oct 26, 2024 3:27:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— hi. got this free blinkist today and thought youd be interested.

Oct 26, 2024 3:27:14 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Blinkist

Oct 26, 2024 5:29:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I found this hilarious

Oct 26, 2024 5:29:59 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

😄

Oct 26, 2024 5:53:10 PM Me

Hey! Check out this insight from The Pattern. https://open.thepattern.com/deeplink/posts/TH8L8EzrTx2jAsvcl0TDAQ?origin=dt_cms&guid=4569da61-229d-4ffe-a20b-7805bdbbc03f&transit_datetime=2024-10-26T23:51:29Z This is a nice idea but the last time I put myself out there I met an amazing woman that I would’ve gladly spent the rest of my days with but then judgment came in and I was dismissed so right now I don’t have much to offer someone, and the last thing I wanna do is be a burden . That’s why I’m having such a hard time being here

Oct 26, 2024 7:41:59 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

tomorrow morning.

Oct 26, 2024 7:42:03 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Boulder Shambhala Center

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Oct 26, 2024 7:42:11 PM Me

free

Oct 27, 2024 8:48:12 AM Me

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GM Guess where I am? Yes in front of this place right now

Oct 27, 2024 8:51:33 AM Me

Boulder Shambhala Center

Oct 27, 2024 8:52:27 AM Me

https://www.audible.com/pd/B077VYHMFQ?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow

Oct 27, 2024 8:52:27 AM Me

Listening to this now too

Oct 27, 2024 10:52:25 AM Me

Oct 27, 2024 11:32:15 AM ⇲ Me

Also this is where Pema Chödrön studied under chyogam rinpoche from 74 until 1987 So cool to be in the same building

Such a cool building. Meditation was great.

Oct 27, 2024 11:32:22 AM ⇲ +13038752587

| Great - I actually think u was only in it once long ago
Edited 36 seconds later | Great - I actually think I was only in it once long ago

Oct 27, 2024 10:52:39 AM Me

Almost 2 hours of it

Oct 27, 2024 11:29:00 AM Me

Been to 3 of the 5. Been here 3x 👍 Like the vibe here

Oct 27, 2024 11:32:15 AM ⇱ Me

Also this is where Pema Chödrön studied under chyogam rinpoche from 74 until 1987 So cool to be in the same building
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 27, 2024 11:32:22 AM ⇱ +13038752587

| Great - I actually think u was only in it once long ago
Edited 36 seconds later | Great - I actually think I was only in it once long ago

This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 27, 2024 11:33:06 AM Me

I may start going every Sunday. But this was unguided

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Oct 27, 2024 11:33:19 AM +13038752587

Which three

Oct 27, 2024 11:33:35 AM Me

Thirsday night 7-9 they have guided by senior student

Oct 27, 2024 11:33:40 AM Me

Free

Oct 27, 2024 11:34:51 AM Me

Membership is less than $100. If I want to get into classes i could but for now its a cool place to vibe with other meditaters

Oct 27, 2024 11:35:49 AM Me

They have ways to volunteer to offset costs. I may inquire about helping their website

Oct 27, 2024 11:36:36 AM Me

https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vQf_TQviasCXvTc0hzUfCjGEnpskI7GKVwwH-M4Siy5FumPeT4dg4NfyqWC_bLYgJqgGTcCDxMUj3CU/pub

Oct 27, 2024 11:36:36 AM Me

Also if you and sarah want yo meditate on 400 acres take a look

Oct 27, 2024 1:26:54 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Applied to gig at Anthropic. WIshful thinking but you never know

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Oct 27, 2024 4:59:31 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 28, 2024 11:20:00 AM Me

Can barely move today mentally. Feel brain dead. If I’m not working on my shit I feel worthless. Sitting around thinking ive nothhing to do isnt something Im comfortable with when my life is fucked. And Jenica is still showing up in my thoughts despite consciuosly letting go many times. My depression isnt going away. Doubt it ever will. What a fun time. The one thing I want, a relationship-someone to hang out with, isnt going to happen. I will remain a hermit until I feel worthy. And sadly that time may never come. Thats whats playing out now… Although not sleeping in my car and hustling to stay malnourished I dont miss, my head and thoughts arent moving. Im really fed up with being alive.

Oct 28, 2024 11:20:41 AM Me

Just dont want to be here or anywhere

Oct 28, 2024 2:09:29 PM Me

Got beyond dark morning

Oct 28, 2024 2:09:43 PM Me

Oct 28, 2024 2:10:10 PM Me

Going thru paperwork Will file my updates to court this week

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Oct 28, 2024 2:11:56 PM Me

Go to MeCo later today

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Oct 29, 2024 10:02:10 AM Me

Dark is here again and every morning Never made it to meco Whole day inside ☹️ yesterday Feeling worse or the same, there is no feeling “better” I’ve never felt what not having depression is like, and never will. Ive resigned myself to that because its what Ive lived and no amount of wishful thinking will change it. — I exist depressed, alone with zero prospects for any brighter future personally or professionally — Thats every day E V E R Y S I N G L E D A Y I T N E V E R C H A G E S O R G E T S B E T T E R — I have no reason to be optimistic or hopeful. Feel doomed to a dark existence no matter what I do

Oct 29, 2024 10:04:46 AM Me

— I’m on a ride that others enjoy with glee, I feel sick to my stomach and just want to get OFF THIS RIDE — it sux hairy donkey balls and dont want them in my mouth every day. No person in their right mind would

Oct 29, 2024 10:05:26 AM Me

Anyhow another day staring at and shouting into the void

Oct 29, 2024 10:06:49 AM +13038752587

When is the next meditation it buddiist temple

Oct 29, 2024 10:08:55 AM ⇲ Me

Thrusday night or Sunday again

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Oct 29, 2024 10:07:00 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Go to cave girl today

Oct 29, 2024 10:09:10 AM ⇲ Me

Ok, ill try

Oct 29, 2024 10:07:33 AM +13038752587

When do you speak with Laurie again?

Oct 29, 2024 10:09:27 AM ⇲ Me

I think this weekend. Shes travelling

Oct 29, 2024 10:07:34 AM Me

— I hate being alive I really want it over I have no way of making that happen So I sit and suffer in illness until something other than myself takes me out Fucking test of patience and ability to suck it all up

Oct 29, 2024 10:08:55 AM ⇱ Me

Thrusday night or Sunday again

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 29, 2024 10:09:10 AM ⇱ Me

Ok, ill try
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 29, 2024 10:09:27 AM ⇱ Me

I think this weekend. Shes travelling
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 29, 2024 10:11:35 AM Me

— Wake up depressed and heartbroken… EVERY FUCKING DAY Without failure, no matter how much medication, meditation or whatever

Oct 29, 2024 10:11:39 AM Me

Simply sick and tired of being alive Cant say it simpler than that

Oct 29, 2024 10:13:13 AM Me

Spend half my day swimming to the surface for air, only to be exhausted when it finally does subside. Then I try to push and get nowhere compounding all the feelings

Oct 29, 2024 10:13:15 AM +13038752587

Are you sick and tired of being alive Or Of feeling depressed and heartbroken?

Oct 29, 2024 10:13:27 AM Me

All of it

Oct 29, 2024 10:13:46 AM Me

Living, feeling, breathing Done

Oct 29, 2024 10:14:39 AM +13038752587

If you didn’t feel depressed and heartbroken, then do you think you would feel differently about being alive?

Oct 29, 2024 10:16:20 AM ⇲ Me

No idea as I dont know what not being depressed is

Oct 29, 2024 10:14:51 AM Me

As awesome as people say life is Ive not had that feeling Only anxiety, depression, or the overwhelming feeling of doing it wrong or being wrong

Oct 29, 2024 10:15:49 AM Me

And just internally resigning myself over my whole life

Oct 29, 2024 10:16:20 AM ⇱ Me

No idea as I dont know what not being depressed is
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 29, 2024 10:27:24 AM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Imagine for a moment, the darkness of depression is gone and your heart is filled with love. Sit in that place for a while. In fact, meditate in silence in that place. Text me back after 30mins of meditation.

Oct 29, 2024 10:53:16 AM Me

My mom is texting this morning alot. Ok, mediation now

Oct 29, 2024 11:35:13 AM Me

Meditation done. Lots of crying and sadness.

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Oct 29, 2024 11:58:34 AM Me

Another aimless day of unaccomplishment Every day I fail to move foward is another day in depression To think if I didnt have depression I’d likely be well beyond this. Not only do I pay the ADD executive function tax, I pay the depression tax as well Just sucks to work Twice as hard and twice as long to get to the same fucking place So frustrating. Makes me want to give up

Oct 29, 2024 12:02:24 PM Me

— I’m losing patience with whatever process I’m going thru. I want off the ride Ive had enough

Oct 29, 2024 12:45:50 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Have you been dashing?

Oct 29, 2024 1:10:09 PM Me

Every other day for 1-1.5 hrs

Oct 29, 2024 1:10:28 PM Me

Good thing I dont need it for food or charge

Oct 29, 2024 1:11:44 PM Me

Just walked into Cavegirl Was packed. No seating. Not my vibe at that moment. Felt shut out so I left. Now sitting alone in the car Figuring out where to go.

Oct 29, 2024 1:12:39 PM Me

My perpetual question of where do you go when you’re not wanted? I’ve had to not only contemplate that I’ve had to live that for quite some time and it’s very real for me it’s not something I just brush off as a fancy fucking delusion

Oct 29, 2024 1:13:37 PM Me

I feel a vibe in a place that says “you’re unwanted here. you should leave” Anyhow i digress

Oct 29, 2024 1:23:44 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Lies you are telling yourself

Oct 29, 2024 1:13:50 PM Me

— Does Cavegirl have 2 levels?

Oct 29, 2024 1:20:18 PM Me

Ok Going to go quiet. No one responds to me so I’ll not pay attention to phone for a while

Oct 29, 2024 1:23:44 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 23 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Lies you are telling yourself
This message responded to an earlier message.

Oct 29, 2024 1:27:53 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Ziggis on 5th and main Meco is more quiet on general

Oct 29, 2024 1:27:53 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 29, 2024 1:30:01 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Going into focus mode for 60m

Oct 29, 2024 3:16:38 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

took 1:15 to do email

Oct 31, 2024 12:34:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Happy Halloween 🎃

Oct 31, 2024 4:03:17 PM Me

girls ever seen this? I think they could handle it

Oct 31, 2024 4:03:19 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Oct 31, 2024 6:32:40 PM Me

Have you ever been here? I’ve picked up from here twice and the place smells incredible

Oct 31, 2024 6:32:54 PM Me

I have to come and try their Carnitas

Oct 31, 2024 6:43:43 PM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

We have not

Oct 31, 2024 6:43:43 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Oct 31, 2024 7:12:04 PM Me

This place has lots

Oct 31, 2024 7:21:56 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Newer place

Oct 31, 2024 7:22:20 PM (Read by you after 23 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Have not been to the food hall

Oct 31, 2024 7:46:25 PM Me

No chains seems to be all local business

Oct 31, 2024 9:17:56 PM Me

https://youtu.be/vDo1yCwzzxg?si=F3OqdBmWR8W4bilw

Nov 01, 2024 3:15:22 PM Me

Hey

Nov 01, 2024 3:17:30 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hey - 👋

Nov 01, 2024 4:29:30 PM Me

I’m down to my last 150 mg of depression meds. I’ve been trying to figure out how to get a refill for a few days between local resources. Losing insurance means you lose access to old doctors and they can’t help you anymore

Nov 01, 2024 4:29:47 PM Me

So I’m in this weird dead zone nobody thought of

Nov 01, 2024 4:31:33 PM Me

Unemployed and just moved to a new state, no health insurance in six months and no means to pay. Can’t access the old doctors to get the prescription transferred, or a bridge refill issued. Apparently only the issuing doctor can do a bridge refill.

Nov 01, 2024 5:17:47 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Contact the old doctor directly-we have had them do a prescription for Sarah months after not bring in their system

Nov 01, 2024 6:50:34 PM ⇲ Me

Already did. Cant do it

Nov 01, 2024 6:50:58 PM ⇲ Me

Theyre in another state and arent licensed innthis state

Nov 01, 2024 5:17:48 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Nov 01, 2024 5:18:08 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Last order was through Amazon- yes?

Nov 01, 2024 6:51:08 PM ⇲ Me

Yes

Nov 01, 2024 6:51:19 PM ⇲ Me

Already tried them no help

Nov 01, 2024 6:50:34 PM ⇱ Me

Already did. Cant do it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 01, 2024 6:50:58 PM ⇱ Me

Theyre in another state and arent licensed innthis state
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 01, 2024 6:51:08 PM ⇱ Me

Yes
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 01, 2024 6:51:19 PM ⇱ Me

Already tried them no help
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 01, 2024 6:51:53 PM Me

Ill end up spending a good chunk of my day in the waiting line at the ER to get my prescription tomorrow

Nov 01, 2024 7:30:49 PM Me

Took $27 of my money and bought this at Walmart.

Nov 01, 2024 7:30:52 PM Me

https://i5.walmartimages.com/seo/Narwhal-Kingston-Official-Size-Bristle-Dartboard-with-6-Steel-Tip-Darts_d8a79095-3fd8-415f-a9a7-efc99b3b9fea.4eadb3aaec74f55e896ce0005784e337.jpeg?odnHeight=2000&odnWidth=2000&odnBg=FFFFFF

Nov 01, 2024 7:31:19 PM Me

So, we can play darts - real darts 😜

Nov 01, 2024 7:31:51 PM Me

Thanksgiving, mimis birthday etc

Nov 02, 2024 10:01:52 AM Me

— I'm going cold turkey on my med. I've done it twice before. Its not pretty. I'll be useless for about 3 days. No solution without insurance, or money. I've tried everything here and they can't fill without a script from doc. I can't access old docs because insurance. Accessing new doc here will take more time than I have. Texting Liz to thank her for compounding my problems by cutting me off insurance she should know that if I commit suicide it’s her fault

Nov 02, 2024 10:58:36 AM Me

I did share my situation with her but didn't lay blame or make any accusations.

Nov 02, 2024 11:01:44 AM Me

Said to her Im simply sharing info. Didn't want her not knowing since she did cut me off insurance after she said she wouldn't If something we're to happen (not saying it will) she had a cause in it.

Nov 02, 2024 11:02:43 AM Me

K, online at moment. Trying to make sense of things. Med taper is here and already in headache mode

Nov 02, 2024 11:54:29 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Call the hotline - there has to be a solution locally

Nov 02, 2024 12:00:03 PM Me

what hotline? I saw no hotlines

Nov 02, 2024 12:00:19 PM +13038752587

Suicide

Nov 02, 2024 12:00:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

oy

Nov 02, 2024 12:00:25 PM +13038752587

Call me

Nov 02, 2024 12:00:31 PM Me

that’s a bit chicken little

Nov 02, 2024 12:00:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m not dying

Nov 02, 2024 12:00:44 PM +13038752587

Call me

Nov 02, 2024 12:00:51 PM Me

not feeling ideation

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:00 PM +13038752587

That’s not the point

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feel so so, but not bad

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:19 PM Me

I can survive the weekend and tackle on Monday

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can make it a few days

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

done it before

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:38 PM Me

phone is dead

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:40 PM +13038752587

Andwer you phone please

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no juice

Nov 02, 2024 12:01:54 PM Me

on laptop

Nov 02, 2024 12:02:06 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

It rang normally

Nov 02, 2024 12:02:10 PM Me

at starbucks but no charge cords 🙁

Nov 02, 2024 12:02:52 PM Me

I’m managing ok right now. Not planning on going off the meds

Nov 02, 2024 12:02:53 PM +13038752587

The hotline may have solutions for you to get meds

Nov 02, 2024 12:03:14 PM +13038752587

Not that your calling for a talk

Nov 02, 2024 12:03:22 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

About ideation

Nov 02, 2024 12:03:33 PM Me

my situtation is so unique that I fall through the cracks. No one on either side CA or CO can help.

Nov 02, 2024 12:03:54 PM Me

I’ve contacted people on both sides

Nov 02, 2024 12:04:04 PM +13038752587

There is a solution we just don’t know what it is

Nov 02, 2024 12:04:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

The ER but I want to avoid the huge waste of resources AND I can’t pay.

Nov 02, 2024 12:04:31 PM +13038752587

How did you get meds last time- you weren’t on insurance then

Nov 02, 2024 12:08:17 PM ⇲ +13038752587

You did not respond to this

Nov 02, 2024 12:08:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I think it was telehealth of some kind

Nov 02, 2024 12:04:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

The ER but I want to avoid the huge waste of resources AND I can’t pay.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 02, 2024 12:04:59 PM +13038752587

Stop justifying not getting what you need

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Nov 02, 2024 12:05:14 PM Me

I’m fine

Nov 02, 2024 12:05:26 PM +13038752587

Waste of resources and you can’t pay

Nov 02, 2024 12:05:50 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

The ER exist to help. Bill can be paid later

Nov 02, 2024 12:05:58 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

Hahaha

Nov 02, 2024 12:06:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can laugh at this

Nov 02, 2024 12:06:12 PM Me

its nice to laugh and feel it

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Nov 02, 2024 12:06:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not just have it be a sound coming out with no feeling

Nov 02, 2024 12:07:02 PM Me

that’s the thing about depression meds. They depress your emotions. Not just the bad ones, but the nice ones too.

Nov 02, 2024 12:07:25 PM Me

life gets kinda gray after a while when you’re on them

Nov 02, 2024 12:07:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not bad, but not great or fun either

Nov 02, 2024 12:07:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anyhow….

Nov 02, 2024 12:08:17 PM ⇱ +13038752587

You did not respond to this
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 02, 2024 12:08:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I’m working with what I have, at this moment in time.

Nov 02, 2024 12:08:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I think it was telehealth of some kind
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 02, 2024 12:08:55 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Do that again

Nov 02, 2024 12:28:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2 things. ~ $75 for online visit — cost is variable depending on who you use ~ $30—40 for medications — Amazon Pharmacy could probably get it here by Mon or Tues. Locally will likely cost more because I have no insurance. So, that’s $100—120 I don’t have, BUT I have ~$40 right now. I dash from 4:30—6:30 so I should make enough to at least have enough to pay for the online visit. I have dashs tomorrow and if I probably would make enough to pay for meds. Then this episode is behind me. Waiting for the next piano to fall from the sky

Nov 02, 2024 12:29:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just feeling like shit and dont feel like driving. But I have to.

Nov 02, 2024 12:30:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Suck it up buttercup. been awake 2 hours and already feel ready for bed. feeling downhearted and rejected

Nov 02, 2024 12:31:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Simply tired of being alive 🙁 That’s how it feels deep in my bones

Nov 02, 2024 12:32:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It’s like Madge and Palmolive. I’m soaking in it, and have for so long its seeped down to my marrow

Nov 02, 2024 12:33:43 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’ve drafted a reply to Liz about discussing an agreement for divorce. I put it in a google doc. If you could read it before you head to work and give me feedback that woudl be great. The sooner we have an agreement the sooner one thing is in the rearview mirror.

Nov 06, 2024 12:31:54 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Just seeing this message - will look for it in email

Nov 02, 2024 12:35:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Also, even though I’m not living in my car, I still feel quite homeless and “without roots” However, not having roots for so long is now something to which I’ve become accustomed and not phased by. Just want someone other than me to know that even though I am under a roof, I still feel homeless.

Nov 02, 2024 12:36:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

In some ways it feels like I’m here for an extended visit—not settling here—just a temporary stop along the way. No idea. My head is going in 1,000,000,000 directions

Nov 02, 2024 12:40:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just emailed you the link. and here it is just in case:

Nov 02, 2024 12:40:47 PM Me

https://accounts.google.com/v3/signin/identifier?continue=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1huzBRvJjHokdrbPQlr0RXvIB0dpoz-WGF4yJi9RrJV0%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&followup=https%3A%2F%2Fdocs.google.com%2Fdocument%2Fd%2F1huzBRvJjHokdrbPQlr0RXvIB0dpoz-WGF4yJi9RrJV0%2Fedit%3Fusp%3Dsharing&ifkv=AcMMx-dZ1Vtz0crKKbSomjUKHdtTc2ATxGVSg-gSuCtyA7DayCxmOLDiHW3HDn-yxbifzKTxj2U4Lg<mpl=docs&osid=1&passive=1209600&service=wise&flowName=WebLiteSignIn&flowEntry=ServiceLogin&dsh=S738405661%3A1730572847482876

Nov 02, 2024 12:44:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— also, trying to get setup on taskrabbit, writitng 2 new case studies for my website, updating items on my website.

Nov 02, 2024 12:45:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

working on my mental health poster ideas. I want to publish them and sell them. Also working on other art. I have a backlog of art I want to create. However my mind won’t cooperate and allow conditions to exist for me to be prolific in my output

Nov 02, 2024 12:45:47 PM Me

So much art created in my head, standing in line waiting to get out

Nov 02, 2024 4:13:16 PM Me

— Doordashing now Today has been kinda crap 💩 feeling more shitty than usual Being reminded I have no social life and no resources and another weekend blowing by. Very much WTF bother

Nov 02, 2024 6:52:47 PM Me

Done dashing Feel like shit

Nov 02, 2024 6:53:12 PM Me

Made $50 2.5 hours

Nov 02, 2024 6:53:31 PM Me

Should pay for telemed

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Nov 02, 2024 6:53:46 PM Me

I'll try tomorrow am

Nov 02, 2024 8:15:23 PM Me

— Weird times in Target. Fucked up attitude towards buying anything over $2 Spent an hour walking around feeling lost, alone, and isolated. Lack of familiarity and not knowing where there are places I could go alone to hang out, and not feel like an oddball or the loner every ones staring at. Strong desire to isolate and keep to myself. The less people I know the better only because I'm tired of masking and no one wants to hang out with an old cranky depressing person when everything out of their mouth is negative. Easy to see how I don't like being with myself. Anyhow, theres no value in sharing my brain 🧠 nonsense so I’ll stop.

Nov 02, 2024 8:24:26 PM Me

— I'm slowly realizing that depression will continue to fuck me and my life over again and again. There is no “better” out there like some magical unicorn 🦄 land I’ll one day arrive at and the remainder of my time would never see depression again. Living without depression and being depressed is not going to happen in my conscious life. I’ll always have it at some level. Really sux. I've had the last 11 years of my life be the hardest. No help, care, empathy or compassion from your spouse, instead you're told that you are too sensitive and you need to suck it up. And I tried like a motherfucker to make it all happen for her and I lose myself and my life in the process.

Nov 02, 2024 8:36:53 PM Me

— 11 years stolen by depression, and counting. Maybe that helps others understand? This isn't like I’ve felt depressed for a year or two this is a fucking decade + you remember me texting you when I worked in the insurance cubicle. Dark times. They never went away. I'm a gifted actor and masker I simply couldn't keep it up and keep stuffing it down And that's what I feel now BIG Time. Just exhausted and nearly don't give 2 fucks About what I say or who I say it to Anyhow, other than texting you I’m inside my head all day I don’t have places to go or anybody I know (my ageish) to chill with. So weeks of no social interaction Part of me thinks Id be happier back living in the car. At least back then I had the dart league and different places I could go throw darts and not feel like an outsider to society and life. Now Its like being outside the snowglobe watching everyone joyful and content with their lives and Im an ethereal wisp of energy that moves around places without really anyone ever noticing me. My life makes me feel like I don't exist and Im alive and stuck to be punished Living hell That's how it feels. Its the rule, not the exception

Nov 02, 2024 8:37:56 PM Me

Ok, have spent past 20 mins sitting in car in a parking lot typing to you.

Nov 02, 2024 8:38:43 PM Me

These empty nest years used to be something I dreamed of Never imagined the living hell waiting for me

Nov 02, 2024 8:40:19 PM Me

— Just tired of being alive and trying to make sense of it all while pressure continues trying to turn my carbon to diamond

Nov 03, 2024 9:28:31 AM Me

The best seat 💺 @Ozo Working on my website I was shocked when I went thru the other day. Tablet and mobile had lots of issues. A normal person wouldn’t scoff at them, but a professional looking at someone else’s portfolio and considering on hiring them? If you can’t take care of your own shit how are you gonna take care of my clients?

Nov 03, 2024 9:33:41 AM Me

GM btw Did $22 of dashing already. Computer time at Ozo. Get my personal site updated. Believe I'm going to change the splash / hero. First tho is getting shit in alignment

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Nov 03, 2024 10:19:34 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes) +13038752587

GM

Nov 03, 2024 8:21:32 PM Me

YouTube

Nov 03, 2024 8:21:35 PM Me

Cool mashup

Nov 04, 2024 1:05:40 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

Nov 04, 2024 1:31:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

are you offline?

Nov 04, 2024 1:33:26 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Work

Nov 04, 2024 1:33:31 PM Me

oh

Nov 04, 2024 1:33:37 PM Me

picture made me think offline

Nov 04, 2024 1:33:57 PM Me

just got meds renewed online with Amazon Pharmacy

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Nov 04, 2024 1:34:20 PM +13038752587

From yesterday

Nov 04, 2024 1:34:30 PM Me

interesting that I tapered my med (broke them up) and I feel better today and havent taken any at all

Nov 04, 2024 1:34:41 PM Me

just weird that I feel less depressed on the med

Nov 06, 2024 12:19:02 PM Me

— yo ga

Nov 06, 2024 12:29:30 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Hi Ya

Nov 06, 2024 12:31:54 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Just seeing this message - will look for it in email
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 06, 2024 12:38:56 PM Me

Thx

Nov 06, 2024 12:39:35 PM Me

Depression in the house today Meds arrive Friday

Nov 06, 2024 12:39:50 PM Me

Feel shit

Nov 06, 2024 12:40:06 PM Me

Election didn't help

Nov 06, 2024 12:42:07 PM Me

Felon as Pres US is fucked up Capitalism let run amok Were no longer “of the people by the people for the people,” rather, “for the money by the corporation for the greedy”

Nov 06, 2024 12:42:44 PM Me

I should get one way tix to denmark

Nov 06, 2024 3:45:38 PM Me

— — Observation: I’m isolated here. I could see Declan in person. Could soak up the wave energy at the beach knew where things were and where to go I knew a few people I had places to hang out even without money simply because I had lived there for decades Had the dart people in Ventura to hang with who all became great friends — Here, best way to describe the dissociation… I’m outside the snow-globe looking in. Im fine, but alone and have an invisible barrier between me and real life inside the snow globe. Im More the observer Than a participant living Im totally ok with that There are many ppl who Id rather avoid — I asked the nurse who helped me other day that if she didn’t read about my depression or need for meds, would she have the slightest inkling Im someone with major recurrent treatment resistant depressive disorder or any flavor of depression?? She said absolutely not, no way. I’m far too chatty and laugh too much when in conversation and make jokes. And shes a medical pro and couldnt see it in me—the average person has zero clue how damaged I am. There’s zero empathy.

Nov 06, 2024 3:46:10 PM Me

All that to say that adjusting to things is far more difficult than would appear on the surface and im done lying to ppl when they ask how im doing. Ive stopped a few grocery clerks stone cold frozen when they absorb what I say back. Simply honest, not mean

Nov 06, 2024 3:50:49 PM Me

Also, people comparing my situation to their lives and then telling me what I should do is the best way to keep me silent and at arms length. my situation isn't like anyone elses and is uniquely my experience There is no comparison And if I were to talk to a homeless person or someone depressed I would listen. Not offer advice, offer an open ear and heart. Comparisons are judgement No one wants to be judged or feel it

Nov 06, 2024 3:51:10 PM Me

Best way to turn ppl off

Nov 06, 2024 3:52:36 PM Me

K, going to sleep for a bit now. Then maybe walk at ponds before dark. Don't feel great ( mental health aside )

Nov 06, 2024 5:07:47 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 1 minute, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Have a good walk

Nov 06, 2024 6:09:47 PM Me

Mc Carthy's Pub · 4.2★(454) · Bar

Nov 06, 2024 6:09:47 PM Me

They have 4 dart boards

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Nov 07, 2024 8:21:59 AM Me

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Nov 07, 2024 9:21:04 AM (Read by you after 38 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Loved the Carlin bit - so true

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Loved by Me

Nov 07, 2024 10:00:31 AM Me

Nurture stupid people win stupid prizes

Nov 07, 2024 2:03:05 PM Me

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Nov 07, 2024 5:36:21 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Nov 07, 2024 5:36:31 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I saved that one yesterday

Nov 07, 2024 6:58:32 PM Me

| — Noticing antisocial isolation at a level I’ve never experienced Once aware I close off more and avoid interactions with anyone at all costs and use my accumulated skill and masking/acting to say “these are not the droids youre looking for” and then slip out a ‘back door’ to then be alone. — Far more comfortable alone than with any other person around
Edited 22 seconds later | — Noticing antisocial isolation at a level I’ve never experienced Once aware I close off more and avoid interactions with anyone at all costs and use my accumulated skill and masking/acting to say “these are not the droids youre looking for” and then slip out a ‘back door’ to then be alone. — Far more comfortable alone than with anyone

Nov 07, 2024 7:09:28 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Interesting juxtaposition

Nov 07, 2024 7:07:16 PM Me

Whats weird is all the astrological stuff is suggesting this is the time to meet people who could impact the remainder of my life However Im inspired to shut down and hide right now 1. My gut says hide 2. My heart says its lonely 3. My head says, “fuck you heart you always cause trouble—more than its ever worth so STFU and STFD” So isolated loner mode with variable depression continues into week 4 of the new experience, but now with grey skies and cold makes me think of NY ☹️🫥😢

Nov 07, 2024 7:10:12 PM ⇲ +13038752587

The sun will come out and the air will be clean and bright

Nov 07, 2024 7:09:28 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Interesting juxtaposition
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 07, 2024 7:09:31 PM Me

All told it makes me go inward deeper and isolate more. Which is fine by me. Less ppl less problems Got enough on my own

Nov 07, 2024 7:10:01 PM Me

Besides, Im not fit for purpose

Nov 07, 2024 7:10:12 PM ⇱ +13038752587

The sun will come out and the air will be clean and bright
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 07, 2024 7:10:43 PM Me

Barely human at this point. I look like one, but dont feel like one

Nov 07, 2024 7:10:45 PM +13038752587

I’ll reply later / back to work

Nov 07, 2024 7:10:51 PM Me

Hard to describe

Nov 07, 2024 7:11:36 PM Me

My period of social detachment is coming home to roost and manifest all kinds of new and fun behaviours

Nov 07, 2024 7:17:30 PM Me

Best I can make of it is I want to be left alone I would ideally like to have a small (studio) place to myself away from anywhere with ppl density Maybe visit others if the chance presented itself Otherwise id be content living alone, as in ted kasinki unibomber alone. Money, things, chasing shit.. All meaningless to me. I want for nothing but the suffering for all living beings to no longer exist and lift from their shoulders and allow healing.

Nov 07, 2024 7:19:09 PM Me

— For example chasing a job is acting from desperation and caring about outcomes TOO much

Nov 07, 2024 7:21:46 PM Me

What im questioning is this a conscious choice to not care? Or has my destroyed spirit and crushed soul knocked me to simply not care by subcosciously giving up?

Nov 07, 2024 7:26:37 PM Me

— I have no “fire in the belly” any longer Im simply fucking tired and still trying to make sense of why I continue to wake up and go thru another day In this head like a hall This mind full of mirrors No sense can be made Willingness is vacant

Nov 07, 2024 7:30:21 PM Me

Pushing with numb limbs and spirit To a place no one knows Other than saying it will get better. Really? Do tell I ask? What experience or insight parallels my experience in a way that would lend alignment? i ask simply because Ive yet to learn whatever the lesson of this current exitence is

Nov 08, 2024 8:56:39 AM Me

This is a consistent morning mind state. Day after day after after day after after day after after day after day. Would have kept selecting if they had more options.

Nov 08, 2024 5:39:07 PM Me

Ugh… Still waiting for meds. Fuck. Week of cold turkey Had 5 hours of dashing had yo give up today. Cant drive far. Get car sick and nauseous

Nov 08, 2024 5:39:28 PM Me

Nothing going right for me

Nov 08, 2024 5:41:17 PM Me

Past due on storage in Ojai. Car pmt $700+ coming soon. if money shows up great If not oh well Letting go of everything

Nov 08, 2024 6:00:49 PM Me

And just stare at the floor and count the threads in the carpet for a long time… Clicking out.

Nov 09, 2024 10:27:30 AM Me

— Sick of bullshit at every turn with everything. Doesn't matter WTF I'm doing or going sh*Ts f@cked up every single goddamned time. So done with everything. Hate is a kindest word I can think of about life.

Nov 09, 2024 10:29:27 AM Me

Life sucks a bloody hemroidal diarrhea asshole

Nov 09, 2024 10:40:09 AM Me

- Waking up crying into depression is the fucking worst.

Nov 09, 2024 10:40:54 AM Me

I know why people do suicide

Nov 09, 2024 10:41:56 AM Me

— Just to make this experience FUCKING STOP.

Nov 09, 2024 10:43:05 AM Me

Glady take the spot of a death row inmate at this point An act of mercy

Nov 09, 2024 10:43:12 AM Me

For me

Nov 09, 2024 12:50:24 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry you are feeling like crap. Hopefully the meds will arrive soon. Can you track them?

Nov 09, 2024 12:50:49 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be out of pocket after 2pm today

Nov 09, 2024 12:59:22 PM Me

https://insig.ht/psUehIknoOb

Nov 09, 2024 1:02:16 PM Me

— Ive decided to withdraw from being social with strangers. It reinforces lack, and triggers loneliness paradoxically Best to not stoke or trigger I got 99 problems and dont need more

Nov 09, 2024 1:12:17 PM Me

In other words im going a few layers deeper inside my russian nesting doll

Nov 09, 2024 1:12:33 PM Me

— Ive been dark for years

Nov 09, 2024 1:20:01 PM Me

Nov 09, 2024 4:44:13 PM (Read by you after 5 seconds) +13038752587

Are the upbeat options too

Nov 09, 2024 4:44:41 PM Me

If you say youre happy, yes

Nov 09, 2024 4:44:50 PM (Read by you after 14 seconds) +13038752587

Ah

Nov 09, 2024 4:48:06 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 36 minutes, 22 seconds) +13038752587

I was listening to this and thought of you for many reasons. Whatever reason this sing resonates for me

Nov 09, 2024 4:48:09 PM +13038752587 unsent a message.

Nov 09, 2024 4:49:49 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 34 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

I think it was this line

Nov 09, 2024 4:49:59 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 34 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe you'll find direction Around some corner where it's been waiting to meet you

Nov 09, 2024 4:50:49 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 33 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

| For some reason it under the full lyrics
Edited 32 seconds later | For some reason it unsent the full lyrics

Nov 09, 2024 4:50:53 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 33 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Look out of any window Any morning, any evening, any day Maybe the sun is shining Birds are winging or rain is falling from a heavy sky What do you want me to do To do for you to see you through? For this is all a dream we dreamed One afternoon long ago Walk out of any doorway Feel your way, feel your way like the day before Maybe you'll find direction Around some corner where it's been waiting to meet you What do you want me to do To watch for you while you're sleeping? Then please don't be surprised When you find me dreaming too Look into any eyes you find by you You can see clear through to another day Maybe it's been seen before through other eyes On other days while going home What do you want me to do To do for you to see you through? It's all a dream we dreamed One afternoon long ago Walk into splintered sunlight Inch your way through dead dreams to another land Maybe you're tired and broken Your tongue is twisted with words half spoken And thoughts unclear What do you want me to do To do for you to see you through? A box of rain will ease the pain And love will see you through Just a box of rain, wind and water Believe it if you need it If you don't, just pass it on Sun and shower, wind and rain In and out the window Like a moth before a flame And it's just a box of rain I don't know who put it there Believe it if you need it Or leave it if you dare And it's just a box of rain Or a ribbon for your hair Such a long, long time to be gone And a short time to be there

Nov 10, 2024 9:24:40 AM Me

Amazon has lost my meds

Nov 10, 2024 11:38:01 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Read your thread - are they resending meds?

Nov 10, 2024 11:54:37 AM ⇲ Me

No

Nov 10, 2024 11:38:47 AM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

How are feeling not being in them?

Nov 10, 2024 11:55:03 AM ⇲ Me

Want to puke every time i turn my head

Nov 10, 2024 11:54:37 AM ⇱ Me

No
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 10, 2024 11:55:03 AM ⇱ Me

Want to puke every time i turn my head
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 10, 2024 11:55:22 AM Me

Sharp headache between eyes

Nov 10, 2024 11:55:29 AM Me

Bright light hirts

Nov 10, 2024 11:55:35 AM Me

Brain zaps

Nov 10, 2024 11:56:08 AM Me

Despite that I have to go back on it ☹️

Nov 10, 2024 11:56:23 AM Me

Life sucks EVERY FUCKING DAY

Nov 10, 2024 11:56:46 AM Me

and you know im not bullshitting

Nov 10, 2024 11:58:00 AM Me

— Another day of “why the fuck am I alive? why am I here? Everything changes in life, except mine it seems

Nov 10, 2024 11:58:40 AM Me

hard for ppl to understand I dont care anymore Deeply dont give a shit

Nov 10, 2024 12:03:16 PM Me

| Even IF i were employed today, and had my own place shit still sucks Tired and have ZERO DESIRE to rebuild anything or do anything. Not in mood to meet new people or socialize. Would rather — Ive put out alot of effort with zero results. To keep trying is a waste so Im doing the intelligent thing and not trying anymore. Save myself more frustration
Edited 13 seconds later | Even IF i were employed today, and had my own place shit still sucks Tired and have ZERO DESIRE to rebuild anything or do anything. Not in mood to meet new people or socialize. Would rather be alone — Ive put out alot of effort with zero results. To keep trying is a waste so Im doing the intelligent thing and not trying anymore. Save myself more frustration

Nov 10, 2024 12:04:55 PM Me

Everything ahead of me is an uphill climb and im done. Not up for climbing. Too fucking tired from keeping myself here in this dimension

Nov 10, 2024 12:13:00 PM Me

So I sit and wait. I’m a friend of the end. Took a long time but me and the grim reaper can hang out. Ive done it alot actually. Its not as scary as one would think. In fact its fear of letting go, not fear of the reaper. I have no fear of letting go because its all I focus on now. No attachment. Maybe thats why tapping out seems like not a big deal to me. Im not attached anymore to ideas or “societies rules” or people, places, things or money. I guess this is where your head ends up after long periods of anhedonia. I find no pleasure in anything. Computer, music, art… feel like “whatever” Feels more burdensome to try and do things you enjoy only to find yourself in a deeply confusing and unsettled place. When your go tos are gone

Nov 10, 2024 12:13:38 PM Me

— Where 2 go when the go 2s are gone? —

Nov 10, 2024 12:18:01 PM Me

| My head is either thinking of nothing, or thinking of how little enjoyment I have with my eyes open and breathing day after day after day. Week after week after week. Month after month after month. Year after year. Yeah, that persistent and long. — Imagine living 2 years of your life stuck where I am Put on a timer and meditate on it for 3 mins. Based on what u know about what ive told you. Hold your mind in my space for 3 mins… — Then come tell me if you could do a full day, weeks, months, or years of this inrelenting bullshit.
Edited 27 seconds later | My head is either thinking of nothing, or thinking of how little enjoyment I have with my eyes open and breathing day after day after day. Week after week after week. Month after month after month. Year after year. Yeah, that persistent and long. — Imagine living 2 years of your life stuck where I am Put on a timer and meditate on it for 3 mins. Based on what u know about what ive told you. Hold your mind in my space for 3 mins… — Then come tell me if you could do a full day, weeks, months, or years of this unrelenting bullshit.

Nov 10, 2024 12:18:58 PM Me

— No one gets this because no one can comprehend having their life interrupted in the manner that I’ve been living for as long as I have been living this

Nov 10, 2024 12:20:42 PM Me

— No one gets me or my situation. I don’t have anyone that can truly relate to me look me deep in the eye and say “I understand you I know what you’re talking about, i feel you” That person doesnt exist

Nov 10, 2024 12:21:26 PM Me

But like I said before, I dont care. Its just an observation of living in a depressed bubble

Nov 10, 2024 12:25:13 PM Me

K. Nothing to do, no friends and no where to goI in the basement alone sleeping the day away. Pretty much the routine past month. Sleep, depressed, some doordash, coffee, maybe a walk, mindless youtube, back to sleep. Repeat.

Nov 10, 2024 12:28:48 PM Me

— Honestly felt better in CA even tho I was stressed I wasnt this isolated and depressed. At least i could go sit by the ocean, that helped. Going to sit in a basement all winter. Hooray! Would rather be homeless at the beach all winter like last. No being ungrateful, just didnt anticipate my situation being as isolating. Didnt think this move thru enough and now paying for it.

Nov 10, 2024 12:35:34 PM Me

-- Im comfortable in uncomfortable places for sure

Nov 10, 2024 2:25:07 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Are there any dart leagues here?

Nov 10, 2024 4:43:28 PM Me

Looks like up north of here. Costs $$$ i dont have ☹️

Nov 10, 2024 4:43:30 PM Me

Ft collins.

Nov 10, 2024 4:44:48 PM Me

2 places to play local. But feels very not cool to go shoot on boards and not buy anything from the place. So no go for me. Like Ive said before. Its pay to play in this world

Nov 10, 2024 4:57:47 PM Me

Of course shit like this is possible when ones shit is together. Im unfit for purpose.

Nov 10, 2024 4:57:53 PM Me

Nov 10, 2024 5:04:04 PM Me

— Im dysfunctional and broken for now. Useless is the norm for me for quite some time. Zero value add

Nov 10, 2024 5:06:17 PM Me

Non Plussed

Nov 10, 2024 6:23:33 PM Me

Thing is I’ll never resolve shit. So there

Nov 10, 2024 6:23:38 PM Me

Nov 10, 2024 6:26:48 PM Me

— Had some great ideas fall into my head while walking. Hiwever theyre like the other things that have been in my head for years. unable to executive function in any consistent capacity Scatterbrained

Nov 10, 2024 6:27:41 PM Me

— “Unfulfilled Potential” Title of my biography

Nov 10, 2024 6:37:30 PM Me

— Its existentially more painful to live in the knowing that I’ll never know. There were crucial voids in my early childhood development that are foundational to one’s self worth and sense of belonging. Without those in place you live in doubt every day. Unsure you belong. An everpresent uneasyness that all is not well and you dont fit in. Im painfully aware of my shortcomings and their root causes. partly why I would find talk therapy a waste unless taken on by someone with yoda level skills. Easiest way to explain it is I see thru psych talk aimed at manipulation, influence or coercion. I can see it coming parsecs away and it causes me to click out and not take whomever Im talking to seriously. zero effectiveness if there was any in the first place. Ready for day to be over

Nov 10, 2024 6:39:56 PM Me

One thing I weirdly seem to be good at is self critique and ripping myself many new assholes And like I needed any more assholeness than I already serve up

Nov 10, 2024 6:41:05 PM Me

“Unfulfilled Potential from an Asshole Merchant” The jbmv story

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Laughed by Me

Nov 10, 2024 7:16:48 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

From Gary Vee - had to share

Nov 10, 2024 7:16:50 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

You're great ... don't let anyone confuse you and if you've been confused .. even for a long time .. this test is to remind you.. the truth is you're amazing

Nov 10, 2024 7:30:46 PM Me

That has to be self generated

Nov 11, 2024 1:34:33 PM Me

Nov 11, 2024 2:52:20 PM (Read by them after 11 minutes, 40 seconds) Me

https://www.facebook.com/events/13782-e-i-25-frontage-rd-unit-b-1-longmont-co-united-states-colorado-80504/monday-darts-tournament/1490185704913920/

Nov 11, 2024 2:52:27 PM (Read by them after 11 minutes, 34 seconds) Me

tonight in longmont

Nov 11, 2024 2:53:07 PM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 54 seconds) Me

at this place:

Nov 11, 2024 2:53:08 PM (Read by them after 10 minutes, 54 seconds) Me

Knuckle Puck Brewing

Nov 11, 2024 2:54:26 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 36 seconds) Me

Sadly dont have desire to go and play. Feeling anti-social and guarded.

Nov 11, 2024 2:54:36 PM (Read by them after 9 minutes, 26 seconds) Me

Dont want to engage at all

Nov 11, 2024 3:39:00 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 24 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Go

Nov 11, 2024 2:56:30 PM (Read by them after 7 minutes, 32 seconds) Me

— Was hard for your mom to grok me not caring about anything the other day. She insisted that I cared about something. I insisted I don’t care despite what she may percieve. I’m merely here going thru motions to make other people happy. You know the story that if I had my way….

Nov 11, 2024 2:59:09 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 53 seconds) Me

Nothing I do, say, hear, think or feel matters outside my head. And it someone says it does, that is the meaning THEY are attaching to it, not me. I’m pretty stripped down when it comes to meaning. Not alot that has meaning to me when I meditate on it. A product of where my head has been and currently is.

Nov 11, 2024 3:01:03 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 59 seconds) Me

— Todays vibe is… I refuse the play the coy games society requires to participate. Inauthenticity is something I cannot tolerate and the entire world is soaking in it — just ask Madge and Palmolive

Nov 11, 2024 3:02:13 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 49 seconds) Me

— bitter and jaded are dominant

Nov 11, 2024 3:39:00 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 24 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Go
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 11, 2024 6:00:38 PM Me

Spotify

Nov 11, 2024 6:01:13 PM Me

New Robert Smith lyrics HIT HARD

Nov 11, 2024 6:01:38 PM Me

😮🤯

Nov 11, 2024 6:06:57 PM (Read by you after 15 hours, 9 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Send the song

Nov 12, 2024 9:17:44 AM ⇲ Me

Spotify

Nov 12, 2024 12:13:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hi. Do you know of Sticker Giant in Longmont? They are hiring a Senior UX person. The hiriing person is Brian Edwards. If you happen to know anyone connected to this it could make a difference in at least getting an interview. I messaged Brian directly and asked for coffee at Ozo and already submitted my resume. They want Hybrid. and Yes please.

Nov 12, 2024 9:18:02 AM ⇲ Me

Make sure ti read this

Nov 12, 2024 11:21:38 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 19 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I will see who may be I may be connected to

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Loved by Me

Nov 12, 2024 12:26:38 PM ⇲ Me

Sound like could be fun

Nov 12, 2024 12:13:28 AM Me

https://www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/4058631758

Nov 12, 2024 12:14:10 AM Me

Print and Digital — would be a good blend for me

Nov 12, 2024 9:17:44 AM ⇱ Me

Spotify
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 12, 2024 9:18:02 AM ⇱ Me

Make sure ti read this
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 12, 2024 11:21:38 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 4 minutes, 19 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I will see who may be I may be connected to

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Loved by Me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 12, 2024 12:26:38 PM ⇱ Me

Sound like could be fun
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 12, 2024 4:38:04 PM Me

Had a YT channel idea. Lmk when ur around

Nov 12, 2024 5:08:03 PM Me

StickerGiant · 4.8★(834) · Sticker manufacturer

Nov 12, 2024 5:08:41 PM Me

Thats company and location About 4 miles away

Nov 12, 2024 5:09:58 PM Me

Should I walk in front door? Pull an Uncle Nick and say I had a mtg scheduled for free stickers

Nov 12, 2024 5:11:31 PM Me

Actually, a handwritten note with my cell phone number folded up put it in an envelope with the guy who’s doing the hiring and drop it off at the front desk and leave it for him

Nov 12, 2024 5:11:51 PM Me

Put the dudes name on the envelope address it to him I don’t think that was clear

Nov 12, 2024 5:13:01 PM Me

https://www.stickergiant.com/

Nov 12, 2024 5:13:02 PM Me

Their website

Nov 12, 2024 10:50:07 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

You’ll enjoy this interview. I think you know DOAC. Great YT channel.

Nov 12, 2024 10:50:08 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Nov 12, 2024 10:51:14 PM Me

great conversation about seeing nuance in conversation. so much communicated without speaking. Enjoyed listening to him

Nov 13, 2024 12:55:49 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— It DONT COME FOR FREE my brother. WORD. https://youtube.com/shorts/OgKniL1UW08?si=5bz5mXfUlMM3T42H some great vids land in my view, its wild

Nov 13, 2024 12:55:54 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Nov 13, 2024 12:58:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Terence McKenna… Genius. Watched an amazing interview with him last night. Same age as my parents.

Nov 13, 2024 12:58:54 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Nov 13, 2024 1:32:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

depressions not there I can feel these things from my LONG periods of lonliness

Nov 13, 2024 1:32:24 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Nov 13, 2024 9:03:12 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

have mental assessment today I’m going to unpack the dark side and likely make the intake person uncomfortable I’ve not been doing much and still find myself entirely exhausted when waking in the morning.

Nov 13, 2024 9:16:27 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Expose it all. No masking. 😍

Nov 13, 2024 9:45:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I wear my masks when I like — on my terms. Fully in control of those. Might even go as far as stating I’m Jedi level at masking. Medical professionals cannot pick up on my depression in any way shape or form. They see me has a chippy lad.

Nov 13, 2024 9:48:35 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Exactly - let them see the unmask version. That way they may be able to help

Nov 13, 2024 9:48:42 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

great logo…

Nov 13, 2024 10:12:44 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes) +13038752587

I realize what I was saying is what you said originally “unpack the dark side”

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Nov 13, 2024 10:14:57 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Nov 13, 2024 10:15:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Nov 13, 2024 10:21:14 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

liking this last one

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Loved by +13038752587

Nov 14, 2024 4:26:39 PM Me

Not easy day for me. Feeling psychologically challenged. In terms of what i believe.

Nov 14, 2024 4:27:04 PM Me

Feeling burned out

Nov 14, 2024 4:48:57 PM Me

Spotify

Nov 14, 2024 4:50:16 PM Me

I forgot how funny this band is. They sing detachable penis

Nov 14, 2024 4:50:19 PM Me

Spotify

Nov 14, 2024 4:51:43 PM Me

What the actual fuck. I was just trying to take a picture and my screen went all glitch, digital glitch, and then went back to normal. It kind of freaks me out like I just clicked over into another dimension or universe or some shit anyway it was fucking weird

Nov 14, 2024 4:56:03 PM Me

Tonight

Nov 14, 2024 4:56:09 PM Me

Nofilter

Nov 14, 2024 4:56:30 PM Me

The pink IRL 🤯

Nov 14, 2024 5:00:50 PM Me

Nov 14, 2024 5:32:56 PM Me

It is a challenge at times. Particularly when disconnected and melancholy. Then turns into dissociation. The pattern ive discovered is dissociation comes on when my mind knows it needs to unplug for fear of being subconsciously triggered. As if my subconscious reaches into my conscious state and splits my mind. I was doing it this morning staring at my laptop before I opened it. I clicked out was staring at the top of the laptop for at least a good 3 to 5 minutes with zero thoughts zero I movement total stillness . So either I take that as my mind going into auto pilot meditation, or my brain clicking out because it doesn’t wanna deal. One thing I do know is I’m confused and very tired

Nov 14, 2024 6:04:53 PM Me

Hey! Check out this audio from The Pattern. Talking about intimate relationships which dont exist. Interesting that a relationship isnt what m looking for fear of codependence and helplessness

Nov 14, 2024 6:04:58 PM Me

Nov 14, 2024 6:13:28 PM Me

This is about my Sagitarius ascendant. When I listen to this what comes to mind is if only

Nov 14, 2024 6:13:34 PM Me

Nov 14, 2024 6:29:09 PM Me

Nov 14, 2024 6:29:10 PM Me

This one so weird i feel all of it And why is all my stuff “unique or rare” ? Would be interesting to have my chart red by someone knowledgeable

Nov 14, 2024 6:35:47 PM Me

This is just too fucking weird. This one talks all about having to fucking deal with hardship being really comfortable with dark topics when other people aren’t weirdly spot on

Nov 14, 2024 6:35:52 PM Me

Nov 14, 2024 6:48:16 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Notes

Nov 14, 2024 6:49:12 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

A couple I met at hotel - he works for Hilton. They live in Longmont. Call me before reaching out. I recommended you

Nov 14, 2024 9:34:06 PM Me

Having a hard night inside my head. Anyhow why dont u call me when ur free tomorrow and we can talk before I try to connect. Executive functioning is impaired right now because my brain. Having a brain thats fucked up while the neurotypicals tell me I need to cheer up or get religion. ugh. Being in this culture and society with its everpresent judgement at every turn is fucking exhausting.

Nov 14, 2024 9:37:01 PM Me

Things coming at me and Im unsure how to proceed simply frozen in an indecisive trauma state. Stuck at a mental cross roads that stretch straight and as far as the eye can see on a clear day.

Nov 14, 2024 9:38:06 PM Me

Told to use your intuition, what ur gut tells ya Bit there aint no feeling there Just emptyness

Nov 14, 2024 9:38:15 PM Me

A void

Nov 14, 2024 9:41:13 PM Me

Also dont know what to do about money for storage in Ojai (theyed emailed) and car payment coming up. Losing either will challenge me mentally in ways, places and distances Ive yet to be taken. Considering what Ive already covered thats a tall order

Nov 14, 2024 9:42:17 PM Me

there is a part of my brain that doesnt give a shit

Nov 14, 2024 9:42:41 PM Me

Wants to burn me down to ash

Nov 15, 2024 1:12:17 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

still awake

Nov 15, 2024 1:12:21 AM Me

crying

Nov 15, 2024 1:13:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

overwhelmed i still have to climb mt everest and eat an elephant

Nov 15, 2024 1:26:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so much to do so little time and another week goes by I have roughly 1,000 weeks of life left — gets me to 75 I’ve watch over 100 WEEKS go by inside this. TWO FUCKING YEARS. Two years ago I was at your house in Longmont. I remember being told how nice it was at home without me there — and said in that narcissistic way that “you’re too sensitive.” Yes that 2 years ago this Thanksgiving. I way more sensitive than the neurotypical person. So things affect me 10x a normal person. My depression 10x My anxiety 10x My capacity to push my mind to tolerate and mask extreme forms of both is pretty starting honestly. I can walk into it head on in a “bring it bitches” mode. Anyhow. up at 1:30 and need to try to get sleep. I’ve been learning alot the past two weeks. But I’ve also made no money because the meds made my head non-functional.

Nov 15, 2024 1:27:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok. hard times are coming for me. yes, I’m anticipating more red-tape and hoop jumping. Im not in the mood for it. I’m too fucking tired from swimming for my life to barely keep my lips above the surface of water to breathe. Its a suffocating feeling.

Nov 15, 2024 1:30:54 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m aware of regression — and that hurts deeply when taken in the entire context of everything. oh, never heard back on the liz email in google. February is a little over 8 weeks away. I will have to fly back and show up in court. I dont want that

Nov 15, 2024 1:30:59 AM Me

if possible

Nov 15, 2024 1:31:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I simply need to kick it into gear because she doesnt want to. She may want to drag my ass to court. That would be rich.

Nov 15, 2024 9:21:09 AM Me

— Hi. Dont want to be on Earth. This sucks, yet again

Nov 15, 2024 9:22:12 AM +13038752587

Hello, Lets talk at 11

Nov 15, 2024 9:22:17 AM Me

Starting every day like that sucks. Every morning I open my eyes to another day of struggling, underchievement, and uselessness.

Nov 15, 2024 9:23:45 AM Me

My existence feels pointless. As if Im merely here to suffer and be put thru this. There is no end to this until I end it. Thata become abundantly clear

Nov 15, 2024 9:23:56 AM Me

Only been awake 3mins

Nov 15, 2024 9:24:32 AM Me

My brain never shuts off. Feels loke another night of fight club.

Nov 15, 2024 9:27:06 AM Me

Zero motivation Zero desire No purpose No design No resources No success No feeling ok — Negative 247365 How many times do I have to repeat myself and living this day over and over and over

Nov 15, 2024 9:28:33 AM Me

No prospects No opportunities No network No value No contribution

Nov 15, 2024 9:29:22 AM Me

i could write that list all day long and likely never repeat myself. Thats how it feels, never going to end

Nov 15, 2024 9:31:34 AM Me

Simply grokking my insignificance in this dimension. No one wants to hangout where theyre not wanted

Nov 15, 2024 9:33:10 AM Me

Anyhow all hot wind and meaninglessness. Nothing matters other than the labels personally placed on them by people.

Nov 15, 2024 9:33:44 AM Me

So nothing TRULY matters when you take peoples emotions out of it

Nov 15, 2024 9:34:24 AM Me

- No labeling No meaning No emotion No matter

Nov 15, 2024 9:34:55 AM Me

Unlabeled items have no import on your life

Nov 15, 2024 9:37:40 AM Me

Nov 15, 2024 10:40:06 AM Me

About to drop into laptop for a few hours. Like i mentioned last night im aware I still have to eat the elephant WHILE i climb mt everest to get what society deems an acceptable existence. You know Im not like other people, not main stream. Ive been doing a song dance and tap show to survive

Nov 15, 2024 10:40:14 AM Me

Anyhow rather not talk Rather push pixels right now

Nov 15, 2024 10:40:21 AM Me

When u go to work??

Nov 15, 2024 10:56:52 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 42 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

2:30

Nov 15, 2024 10:41:36 AM Me

Pixel pushing is for me and my stuff. One + is that I can get ideas again. I was too tired survivng in CA with my broken brain

Reactions:

Liked by +13038752587

Nov 15, 2024 10:56:52 AM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 42 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

2:30
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 15, 2024 11:03:36 AM Me

ok

Nov 15, 2024 11:04:15 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Nov 15, 2024 11:04:25 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I deeply believe that

Nov 15, 2024 11:05:01 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

because I can be wide open vulnerable in a way that honestly makes alot of people extremely uncomfortable.

Nov 15, 2024 11:06:48 AM Me

I know I have yoda level skills in that arena — when lay people see it they pull back. Armchair shrinks ask questions until I make them uncomfortable with being open in a frank way that is a hard vibe and wave for people to grok honestly

Nov 15, 2024 11:07:11 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can ride it all day long, day after day

Nov 15, 2024 11:07:21 AM Me

its my flex

Nov 15, 2024 11:07:39 AM Me

haha

Nov 15, 2024 11:07:59 AM Me

whats funny is thats such a collection of EGO statements

Nov 15, 2024 11:08:06 AM Me

🤣🤣🤣

Nov 15, 2024 11:08:16 AM Me

literally made myself lol when I read back over that

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Nov 15, 2024 11:13:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

but srsly I do make ppl uncomfotable with my frank assessment of the human experience — it disturbs many as that’s been my literal experience.

Nov 15, 2024 2:34:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hope work is good. About to go take a nap. Have a headache of EPIC proportions. Then maybe go for a walk before dark. Then just stay in and go to sleep. No money, no life—at least in this society and culture.

Nov 15, 2024 2:34:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k out

Nov 15, 2024 2:35:22 PM Me

One bit Got zero done on my stuff Thanks executive function

Nov 15, 2024 2:35:35 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Go dash

Nov 15, 2024 2:37:09 PM ⇲ Me

20miles on car. Needs a day to charge. Cant go anywhere

Nov 15, 2024 2:35:56 PM Me

Anyhow super moon tonight last of year. Its in Taurus

Nov 15, 2024 2:35:58 PM +13038752587

Next week walk-in to sticker giant

Nov 15, 2024 2:37:09 PM ⇱ Me

20miles on car. Needs a day to charge. Cant go anywhere
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 15, 2024 2:37:31 PM Me

Have a good weekend

Nov 15, 2024 7:41:07 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

So you:

Nov 15, 2024 7:41:09 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Nov 15, 2024 7:41:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

takes some nuts to do that. flips and spins

Nov 15, 2024 7:47:50 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Nov 15, 2024 8:46:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— was watching a video, see people having a good time and get incredibly triggered life has been on hold a long time and truly sick of being sick. I’m simply fed up with being sick and not being able to live. I just find myself staring at the floor and my feet for long stretches of time not really engaged in anything other than a blank mind. I’m a semi-catatonic mentally ill person pretending that I’m ok and that everythings just going to work out swell — I found myself talking back outloud to a new audio book I;m listening to about suicide called ‘stay’ and its read by the author. I found the book from a recommendation from another depressed related thing. Anyhow one of the tenets she said was that one shouldn’t commit suicide because it hurts society, and instantly—without hesitation or thinking I shouted outloud as I walked around Golden Ponds…. FUCK SOCIETY and then caught myself in shock at how that just came out. My shadow. It can be nothing else. Its me, but the unbridled fuck you version of me thats the part of me that got stuffed away. I let that out and you can only imagine how happy my dad would have been. Anyhow, dancing with shadows over here. Like I’ve said and I’ll say it again… Everest and Elephants

Nov 15, 2024 8:46:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Amazon.com

Nov 15, 2024 8:47:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have the audiobook obviously. And note, she made me cry within 2 mins of listening. She spoke directly to me — it was fucked up.

Nov 15, 2024 8:51:17 PM +13038752587

Keep me updated on the insights you gain by reading it

Nov 15, 2024 8:58:20 PM ⇲ Me

One already. More people kill themselves than one can imagine. I never went looking for stats, but she drops it on you and 👀 Takes out more ppl than ANYTHING else. Anything. Not heart disease, car accidents, cancer, you name it. Suicide IS KING.

Nov 15, 2024 8:53:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— I’m simply tired of dragging my ass through every day And for what? Alone all day. Around ppl at coffee shops but my head is down working when there. Lots of interesting looking people—but I’m purposely NOT looking to engage. I can’t afford life so until I can, I dont get to have one. I learned a very painful and hard lesson with Jenica that brings incredible tears to my eyes as I type this—which is to say I dont think about her but she still had an incredible impact on me in an incredibly short period of time—INTENSE. So no ppl, I cant afford it mentally, financially, or spiritually. I can barely make it thru a day. I go walk around the pond. Then sit in basement. Today was really hard mid day. Unsure if its meds or brain just taking it up a few notches on me.

Nov 15, 2024 8:53:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I can tell you this. I havent felt this bad, for this long in a while

Nov 15, 2024 8:55:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Every day feels triggering. I’ve honestly yet to feel loose or relaxed. My entire body is so tight I literally feel pain. No healthcare, no money, no care. Honesltly…..

Nov 15, 2024 8:56:26 PM Me

I feel like when I first moved to Santa Monica from Waterford, just want to stay inside — but instead of ANXIETY ruining life DEPRESSION is now.

Nov 15, 2024 8:58:20 PM ⇱ Me

One already. More people kill themselves than one can imagine. I never went looking for stats, but she drops it on you and 👀 Takes out more ppl than ANYTHING else. Anything. Not heart disease, car accidents, cancer, you name it. Suicide IS KING.
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Nov 15, 2024 8:59:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She’s also named dropped many famous names from the past who did the deed and their method of choice. Drinking Arsenic didnt sound like a good way to go.

Nov 15, 2024 9:00:36 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— another night of being alone, tired and crying

Nov 15, 2024 9:02:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just not in the car. sometimes I’ll go park at a rando spot in supertarget parking lot and sit in the car by myself. feels familiar and mentally a safe space—so I feel at home in my car.

Nov 15, 2024 9:02:47 PM Me

fucking weirdo loser moves

Nov 15, 2024 9:03:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

honestly there really is no end to the mental torture of this disease

Nov 15, 2024 9:09:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Neurotypicals, notably buddhists, talk about states of mind being a choice. Happiness, anger, melancholy are seen as choices to outside triggers or stimuli. I submit, as a medically labeled neurodivergent, that certain states of mind—no matter how desirable—are simply unattainable for a duration that would make a difference. Any time spent in pursuit is lost and never regained. And when ones experience is to submit years of your life to this and feel nothing is beyond discouraging. WTF? is probably the closest expression that exists.

Nov 15, 2024 9:11:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

- other than texting you I’m in my head

Nov 15, 2024 9:11:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I text the boys, but they’re kids, they dont reply

Nov 15, 2024 9:12:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I can only imagine my dad texting me. I’d be like, yeah right 🖕

Nov 15, 2024 9:13:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— hope the hotel wasnt too bad

Nov 15, 2024 10:20:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I need more cowbell Fred

Nov 15, 2024 10:20:34 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Nov 15, 2024 10:20:47 PM Me

you’ll love this. Original 70s

Nov 15, 2024 10:26:39 PM Me

Heres another original for ya.

Nov 15, 2024 10:26:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Nov 16, 2024 10:31:15 AM Me

— Waking up sucks

Nov 16, 2024 12:31:00 PM Me

Even better WALK 1.5 miles to find the place u targeted closed early 2 hours ago today because why not?

Nov 16, 2024 12:31:29 PM Me

So now walk back Nothing done More wasted time

Nov 16, 2024 12:34:14 PM Me

Whatever. Honestly dont give a shit anymore anyhow Hard for ppl to understand Your mother kept telling me that I care I kept telling her I dont And i feel that DEEPLY She then told me I have an answer for everything. Which I did. And that reminded me Doing that with my father every time he’d come at me and challenge what I really felt and believed, and here I found myself doing it to your mom.

Nov 16, 2024 12:34:39 PM Me

When people try to tell me that I don’t really feel the way I do I feel so challenged I’m ready to go for the throat

Nov 16, 2024 12:36:58 PM Me

I have no patience

Nov 16, 2024 12:43:57 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

If nothing matters, then what others say shouldn’t either - yes?

Nov 16, 2024 12:47:06 PM Me

Correct. But having to listen to it is trigger

Nov 16, 2024 12:47:14 PM Me

And that right there is the ego

Nov 16, 2024 12:47:26 PM Me

I know I’m trying to break it all down

Nov 16, 2024 2:38:55 PM Me

This woman, a designer from Vietnam, reached out on LI. I’vehad this type of shit happen before and its easy to see scammer accounts. Anyhow, I have a free tarot reading with her next week on a Google Hangout. She reached out to ask me design questions related to my work history. She offered the tarot reading as a thank you.

Nov 16, 2024 2:38:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://vn.linkedin.com/in/annamolly-nguyen

Nov 16, 2024 9:06:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

-- I’m alone, in the basement. One more Saturday night. — over 80 weeks of it

Nov 16, 2024 9:09:23 PM Me

Today was another hard day. Weirdly I noticed that I didnt feel as angry. I’m typically ratched up all day — its just low level so ppl dont know. I noticied its absence BIG TIME. It was from fatigue. Meds fiasco still not over. Still feel shite.

Nov 16, 2024 9:11:05 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hopefully the meds and your body will regulate soon. How long did it take last time you went off the meds

Nov 16, 2024 9:11:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

6-8 weeks

Nov 16, 2024 9:11:36 PM ⇲ Me

this likely take a week or two

Nov 16, 2024 9:11:15 PM Me

All that said, I’ve been looking for a “UX” design job and will continue. I want to make and sell art. I see many people who have been and continue to be successful. I really gave up on real art once I started working at the newspapers. Its sad to think all I never made. I would have a sick catalog of work by now

Nov 16, 2024 9:12:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Think of all the art you can create.

Nov 16, 2024 9:11:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

6-8 weeks
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Nov 16, 2024 9:11:36 PM ⇱ Me

this likely take a week or two
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 16, 2024 9:12:08 PM Me

Begs the question — did I really need this additional layer of suffering on top of it all?

Nov 16, 2024 9:12:19 PM Me

More to slow me down

Nov 16, 2024 9:12:25 PM Me

More to deter

Nov 16, 2024 9:12:26 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Think of all the art you can create.
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Nov 16, 2024 9:12:39 PM Me

I have been for over a year

Nov 16, 2024 9:12:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have paintings, big ones, in my head painted — I can “see” them

Nov 16, 2024 9:13:45 PM +13038752587

What medium can you start doing now?

Nov 16, 2024 9:15:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a giant catalog of amazing photos. I have my mental health poster series I want to finish. Been working on digital paintings of Twin Peaks, The Chief, and the Topas. I have amazing photos of them for reference. And I have watercolors, but I find it hard to do well, because I dont do enought duh

Nov 16, 2024 9:17:18 PM Me

I also have T-Shirt Designs — Resurrect old Think Geek shirt designs — Dart Sayings, Dart themed T designs — WerdSherts by Bert: Different fantastic quotaions paired with the proper typeface and typeset beautifully

Nov 16, 2024 9:17:41 PM Me

I have all the raw material for all this already sitting on the computer

Nov 16, 2024 9:17:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve done all the culling and filtering

Nov 16, 2024 9:18:10 PM Me

Just need it online and then start pushing links out through socials

Nov 16, 2024 9:18:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I could get it together ASAP I could potentially do Holiday Sales

Nov 16, 2024 9:18:45 PM Me

I just realized that this minute

Nov 16, 2024 9:19:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Guess that’s better than it coming to me in the middle of January 🤣🤣🤣

Nov 16, 2024 9:20:13 PM Me

— Also listed to 2 more chapters of suicide book. Getting a full history of ppl in time like Socrates,.

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Nov 16, 2024 9:20:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

getting straight story tho which is helpful and clarifying what I know

Nov 16, 2024 9:21:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Are you working? Or off camping with family? Or just family stuff

Nov 16, 2024 9:22:49 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 38 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

At work

Nov 17, 2024 8:01:21 AM Me

Off to ozo for distraction

Nov 17, 2024 9:29:31 AM Me

BIG chrome update. If you use it alot I would update

Nov 17, 2024 10:53:18 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Ok

Nov 17, 2024 12:07:06 PM Me

working today?

Nov 17, 2024 12:07:40 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Not at hotel - getting online later though

Nov 17, 2024 12:11:06 PM Me

k

Nov 17, 2024 12:11:28 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going to go do Niwot loop trail

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Nov 17, 2024 12:11:30 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

AllTrails.com

Nov 17, 2024 12:11:51 PM Me

3.4 miles. Working on distance first. Then elevation.

Nov 17, 2024 12:12:08 PM Me

out of hiking shape. ass in a car seat most of the year

Nov 17, 2024 5:05:02 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Nov 17, 2024 5:05:35 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

1% power on phone until I get home in a hour

Nov 17, 2024 5:40:56 PM Me

K

Nov 17, 2024 5:42:36 PM Me

Question. I’m asking you first. I may be able to get a full-time job at a dispensary as a manager and in order to do that I need a bud tender license. Colorado is interesting because if you work at a dispensary you have to have this license and you pay $120 for it. I’m not sure if that is one time or per year. In any event, if they call me and offer me a job I would need someone to front me the 120 which I could pay back on my first paycheck. Let me know if that’s in the realm of possibility for you to help me out that way and if not, I totally get it. And I’ll try my brother next

Nov 17, 2024 5:43:22 PM Me

Another person I could ask might be Don. He could take advantage of my employee discount 🤣🤣🤣

Nov 17, 2024 5:43:51 PM Me

I get full benefits too Health 401k, paid time off

Nov 17, 2024 5:45:11 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Hum - they could be willing to pay for your license. I know I have to get updated on some certifications and the hotel will cover the cost

Nov 17, 2024 5:46:24 PM ⇲ Me

| I suspect the state doesn’t allow that. Because of some crazy reason otherwise it would even be mentioned in the application. They stay clearly that you need your MED card
Edited 16 seconds later | I suspect the state doesn’t allow that. Because of some crazy reason otherwise it wouldnt even be mentioned in the application. They stay clearly that you need your MED card

Nov 17, 2024 5:45:32 PM Me

I know id love helping people get the right herb. I DO know my shit with regard to strains and terpenes. Also amts and how FU u want to get or net

Nov 17, 2024 5:46:24 PM ⇱ Me

| I suspect the state doesn’t allow that. Because of some crazy reason otherwise it would even be mentioned in the application. They stay clearly that you need your MED card
Edited 16 seconds later | I suspect the state doesn’t allow that. Because of some crazy reason otherwise it wouldnt even be mentioned in the application. They stay clearly that you need your MED card

This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 17, 2024 5:47:10 PM Me

Anyhow I’m done with my DoorDash and just got a decaf coffee at Starbucks in Longmont. I’m at the corner of Ken Pratt and South Ken Pratt or South Pratt

Nov 17, 2024 5:47:29 PM Me

Check out vcda.org

Nov 17, 2024 5:48:49 PM Me

I just did a boot strap overhaul and cleaned up a lot of code thinking I should put myself on up Work as a boot strap guru. I know how to use the shit out of it and whule Old it’s very versatile

Nov 17, 2024 5:49:34 PM Me

Are you at home? Are you online or busy with the kids I imagine until bedtime

Nov 17, 2024 5:50:17 PM Me

I’m asking because I have some things for you to click through.

Nov 17, 2024 8:35:38 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 33 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Send me a link - I’ll check it tomorrow

Nov 17, 2024 8:35:38 PM (Read by you after 12 hours, 33 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Send me a link - I’ll check it tomorrow
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 18, 2024 9:09:25 AM Me

Hey gm Imagine kids off at school

Nov 18, 2024 9:10:48 AM Me

Heads not spinning today but LOTS of fatigue Working on my store setup and art Will send u links to look at things

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Sent with Normal effect

Nov 18, 2024 12:16:23 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

https://share.icloud.com/photos/084pTwKOPDy0xPzptB0CXLWxQ

Nov 18, 2024 12:16:23 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Just went through 7,000 photos of moutains I have and on first pass I was able to get it down to 365. Not all of these are going to make it, and many are the same shot and slightly different. However I do have some of the same shot at 3 or 4 different times of day and the light. Those could be cool as a set. Target Ojai ppl online. Here’s the link to the 365:

Nov 18, 2024 12:16:49 PM Me

Going to take a break. Oh, and the These are all the mountains Ive been near

Nov 18, 2024 12:17:27 PM Me

So That’s Tetons on front. And I need to adjust the color on that one and crop it better. But it could be a fantastic photo

Nov 19, 2024 11:19:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— GM

Nov 19, 2024 11:19:26 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

whats up

Nov 19, 2024 11:23:48 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— having a challenge reconciling my current situation I’m unable to do much. Cant go out to eat, or get a beet and play darts. Cant date. And my inability to be social when I want to — is discouraging. It makes me get inside my head and start to berate myself and how I’m not worth much. Then brain goes down the hole. Head just wanted to go there just now. Until I can get on my feet — things I’m stuck, stagnant, and enormously sad. LIke the biggest pile of sad you’ve ever seen

Nov 19, 2024 11:27:05 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

How goes the store set up? When do you interview for mgr position? Did you walk in to sticker giant?

Nov 19, 2024 11:34:50 AM Me

Nov 19, 2024 11:35:02 AM Me

Setting up woo to talk with stripe

Nov 19, 2024 11:39:42 AM Me

Mgr position, not heard back. Applied on Sunday. Have not walked into Sticker Giant. Could do that today but need to print my resume first

Nov 19, 2024 11:40:23 AM Me

About to meditate and nap. Then back online working on store and art

Nov 19, 2024 11:49:28 AM Me

— So incredibly stressed about money. Kinda fucked. Owe storage $120 now plus late fee Car pmt 700+ I have $40 Dont dash until Thursday, and then will schedule more.

Nov 19, 2024 11:49:51 AM Me

Car reposession is on my radar and horizon

Nov 19, 2024 12:08:38 PM Me

Another round of photo curation. From 365 To 62

Nov 19, 2024 1:08:49 PM Me

Being a bad boy, eh?

Nov 19, 2024 1:19:01 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

Feeling a bit ill 🤧

Nov 19, 2024 1:19:18 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

Sleeping in would be great

Nov 19, 2024 1:19:34 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

However off to the hotel in 15m

Nov 19, 2024 2:48:31 PM Me

U must be at work. I’ll gently remind you of your self care 🙂

Nov 19, 2024 2:49:10 PM Me

Take care of yourself. Not for the job For your family

Nov 19, 2024 2:49:41 PM Me

Remember. Companies don’t care about people

Nov 19, 2024 3:07:04 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— wow, just had a mild panic attack

Nov 19, 2024 3:07:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Nice

Nov 19, 2024 3:07:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Wouldnt that be swell. Have Peak Anxiety revisit me like it did in my late 20s.

Nov 19, 2024 3:23:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

something is attempting to hijack my day. — What is truly sad is to think I have NOT had ONE DAY without my mind affecting me in a way that is adverse to neurotypical behavior in…… eight or nine months. Since Jenica. And its more frustrating to have put in the time to working on oneself to only feel thwarted WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THINGS. Imagine if I didn’t have depression how different things would be for me. It sucks to have such clarity — double edged sword: one side to see ones issues, and the other to slice you open and eviscerate your mind.

Nov 19, 2024 4:54:46 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Paypal is hooked up and ready to take my money

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Nov 19, 2024 6:46:16 PM Me

I found this guy last night on YouTube. The algorithm served him up to me, and for whatever reason I really like his style, and his voice is very calming. I think you might like him and his channel is new.

Nov 19, 2024 6:46:18 PM Me

YouTube

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Nov 19, 2024 6:50:19 PM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Cool thanks

Nov 19, 2024 6:51:01 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

At home freezing under a blanket with no fever - strange

Nov 19, 2024 6:51:28 PM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I have the shivers

Nov 19, 2024 8:03:56 PM ⇲ Me

Let me know if you want any YouTube video recommendations I have lots of stuff I’ve watched and I know of good channels that are interesting to watch and very good distractions because they’re so damn interesting

Nov 19, 2024 6:52:00 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Body is resetting itself

Nov 19, 2024 7:17:42 PM Me

Cool rather not cool. I am backing into your mom’s garage to charge my car for tomorrow and about to head in and do a little more work on things.

Nov 19, 2024 7:18:20 PM Me

I found a job at the Saint Viens school district for an IT project manager. I’m going to submit my stuff because you work 248 days a year

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Nov 19, 2024 7:18:34 PM Me

😝

Nov 19, 2024 8:03:56 PM ⇱ Me

Let me know if you want any YouTube video recommendations I have lots of stuff I’ve watched and I know of good channels that are interesting to watch and very good distractions because they’re so damn interesting
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 19, 2024 8:04:54 PM Me

I really hope you feel better. It sucks not to feel well. I can totally empathize I do know what it’s like not to feel well in one form or another. And also the feeling of it “being in the way” so you can get on with shit

Nov 19, 2024 8:05:16 PM Me

I love that mindfuck

Nov 19, 2024 8:06:18 PM Me

However if you let go if your desire but on a subconscious level your brains tuned into it as much as you can be grateful that you’re not outside in some parking lot with a blanket wrapped around you like I saw this person outside a Walgreens last night. And I’ve seen dudes asking for money on corners and I see them they’re everywhere Around here I don’t know if people noticed them. They come into Starbucks and get water and use the bathroom all the time

Nov 19, 2024 8:07:48 PM Me

My point being you’re in a warm house you have cute little kids and a beautiful house, and a beautiful wife, how did you get there? don’t be like me and say “my God what have I done”

Nov 19, 2024 8:08:47 PM Me

Nov 19, 2024 8:39:43 PM Me

Pluto has entered Aquarius and left Capricorn. Wont be back for 230 years. Last time Earth and Pluto were in Aquarius was during American and French Revolution. Less than 2 mins. Worth a listen. I like this astrology app.

Nov 19, 2024 8:39:48 PM Me

Nov 19, 2024 9:24:00 PM Me

YouTube

Nov 20, 2024 12:16:29 PM Me

Once I have store ready to Test ill send u fake cc #s and have u try it if ok with you. I’m actually helping set up the dart association e-commerce today to on PayPal

Nov 20, 2024 12:17:01 PM Me

The thing I will be most interested in hearing from the purchase experience. How smooth is it to go through the process once you’ve picked out a piece of art

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Nov 20, 2024 12:27:02 PM Me

I lol’d because one of my contentions was Liz NEVER replied to text, vm, live calls, email, nothing

Nov 20, 2024 12:39:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

How do you feel today??

Nov 20, 2024 12:40:18 PM (Read by you after 42 seconds) +13038752587

Better. Still lightheaded . Sleep helped

Nov 20, 2024 12:41:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

dizzy? vertigo feeling??

Nov 20, 2024 12:43:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you at work?

Nov 20, 2024 12:45:27 PM (Read by you after 16 seconds) +13038752587

No just floating a bit

Nov 20, 2024 12:45:35 PM (Read by you after 8 seconds) +13038752587

In my way at 2

Nov 20, 2024 12:45:56 PM Me

When will be next time I see you and fam?

Nov 20, 2024 12:54:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇲ +13038752587

Sometime this month

Nov 20, 2024 12:46:24 PM Me

obviously if I hopped in the car, but when you headed over the mountain is mot precise a question

Nov 20, 2024 12:51:03 PM Me

— Also, met with Anna Molly from Vietnam this morning. We talked for 2.5 hours. She has over 10 yr experience but has questions about the “old days” saw something I posted on LI and reached out. I actually learned a few things when telling the stories and getting Q/A and I really liked that. Big things were how to deal with difficult clients, giving an estimate when you know little to zero about the project being pitched. What to do when a piano falls out of the sky — looney toones — in the middle of any project. How to know when the thing from the sky warrants involvement with anyone outside yourself — round up the wagons time 😊

Nov 20, 2024 12:53:10 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

It was reflective, and made me think about the warehouse of shit I have in my head that I forgot about. Example. Raspin Stuart, On the Boulevard, Studio City. Sitting behind me on deadline — literally in a chair — and pointing at my screen telling me to move this or that somewhere. I was his hands, nothing else. He didnt speak software, I did, I was the translator.

Nov 20, 2024 12:54:22 PM Me

Which is another theme thats helped me refine precisely what it is I do because all I hear on LI is everyone complaining that when they say theyre a UX Designer no one know wtf they’re talking about.

Nov 20, 2024 12:54:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) ⇱ +13038752587

Sometime this month
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Nov 20, 2024 12:55:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I solve problems between people and computers. I translate human misunderstanding into usable software that precisely solves their problems, makes them more efficient saving time and money.

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Nov 20, 2024 12:56:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am an experiential problem solver

Nov 20, 2024 12:56:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and translator

Nov 20, 2024 12:56:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I can explain to the layman whats going on using language they’re familiar with

Nov 20, 2024 12:58:01 PM Me

AND I can ‘Speak Engineer’ and spock mind meld in a way they understand what the layman is dealing with. This helps engineers understand where the edges of the problem are, and scale and scope — things that are BIG unknows.

Nov 20, 2024 12:58:21 PM Me

I was explaining this to her in the call.

Nov 20, 2024 12:59:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I may find what I do easy simply because I know how to communicate effectively with ppl on BOTH sides of the software problems

Nov 20, 2024 12:59:14 PM Me

NOT because I’m good with computers or design

Nov 20, 2024 12:59:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So many ppl are better than me at those two things. But not the comms

Nov 20, 2024 1:00:31 PM Me

— That’s my secret sauce and something AI can never do. Fall back on subconscious human nature that fuels the gut and the feeling it generates when intuition stirs you to take action.

Nov 20, 2024 1:00:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

you cannot program intuition

Nov 20, 2024 1:01:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow…

Nov 20, 2024 1:01:38 PM Me

— car pmt due in a few days. late on storage.

Nov 20, 2024 1:01:55 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

back to plugging away.

Nov 20, 2024 1:03:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I had a thought and asked Anna a question at the end of talking with her because I have an idea. Create 2-3 min vids that talk about one of those facets of what it is ppl like me do, and why so many struggle to COMMUNICATE with people in a way that makes the work WAY MORE FUN.

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Nov 20, 2024 1:03:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Disco Ball of Design

Nov 20, 2024 1:03:53 PM Me

Each vid is one mirror on the disco ball, because this problem is multi-faceted

Nov 20, 2024 1:04:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I create a YT channel and let it rip.

Nov 20, 2024 1:04:29 PM Me

It sinks or swims

Nov 20, 2024 1:05:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

These are not 30 min documentaries. More like short selfie videos

Nov 20, 2024 1:05:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— When I share this idea does anything come to mind other than “why didny you start this sooner??

Nov 20, 2024 1:05:58 PM Me

😕

Nov 20, 2024 2:15:28 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 29 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Best time to plant a tree 🌳

Nov 20, 2024 2:15:52 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 28 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Today is the day

Nov 20, 2024 6:10:11 PM Me

😂😂

Nov 20, 2024 6:13:19 PM Me

Not published yet. Think i’ll get 8 or so and push first batch at once. I will also have it on my website.

Nov 20, 2024 6:13:19 PM Me

A vlog

Nov 21, 2024 3:50:24 PM Me

kinda sucks today

Nov 21, 2024 3:51:53 PM Me

Hola, how are you? You feeling any better?

Nov 21, 2024 3:52:43 PM Me

been over a month of the same here. not complaining, grateful to not sleep in the car—especially in this weather.

Nov 21, 2024 3:52:53 PM Me

- One thing I feel is postponed

Nov 21, 2024 3:53:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

- simply tired of groundhog day and I have no control when it ends 🙁

Nov 21, 2024 3:53:55 PM Me

Only control effort and attitude. — cant control outcomes

Nov 21, 2024 3:55:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just feeling bigtime worthlessness — VERY COMMON for me to feel this vibe 24/7 for weeks at a time.

Nov 21, 2024 3:55:31 PM Me

And that’s not the dark stuff, more like vanilla than rocky road

Nov 21, 2024 3:56:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve had these incredibly weird moments where I just start weeping from what seems no trigger. Like I have so much sadness in me I’m leaking.

Nov 21, 2024 4:32:16 PM (Read by you after 41 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

At work - will reply later

Nov 21, 2024 5:15:04 PM Me

Im in the basement already for the day. May go to sleep soon Simply feel too depressed to be awake

Nov 21, 2024 10:30:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

| I’m awake and despite consciously opening my heart in meditaition to process pain and crying — its as if it doesnt matter how much I meditate or cry. This is never ending. It comes and goes, but always comes back. I’m really not excited about tomorrow or the day after that to be honest. I was here in this same brain space a year ago when I landed back in Ojai and I started coaching again last season. Its all very fresh in my mind—that experience. I was optimistic that I was going to land somethign soon. I find myself no better off mentally a year later—if anything I feel like I’ve gone backwards, and my chronic trauma of living in the car, going through an additional rejection and hearbreak took me down to really dark placed. I’ve lost more than a year of my life, and every day that passes is another day closer to the end. I’m seemingly kicking a fucking can down the road until I’m dead. I can proclaim time and again how unappealing being alive is. neurotypicals DONT get it, and they never will. Their brains work different than mine—its not about being special—its about having a fucking brain disease that ruined, and consistently isolates me because I’m a round peg in a square peg world. I’m tired of trying to fit in.
Edited 1 minute, 21 seconds later | I’m awake and despite consciously opening my heart in meditaition to process pain and crying — its as if it doesnt matter how much I meditate or cry. This is never ending. It comes and goes, but always comes back. I’m really not excited about tomorrow or the day after that to be honest. I was here in this same brain space a year ago when I landed back in Ojai and I started coaching again last season. Its all very fresh in my mind—that experience. I was optimistic that I was going to land somethign soon. I find myself no better off mentally a year later—if anything I feel like I’ve gone backwards, and my chronic trauma of living in the car, going through an additional rejection and heartbreak took me down to really dark places I didn’t want to revisit. I’ve lost more than a year of my life, and every day that passes is another day closer to the end. I’m seemingly kicking a fucking can down the road until I’m dead. I can proclaim time and again how unappealing being alive is. neurotypicals DONT get it, and they never will. Their brains work different than mine—its not about being special—its about having a fucking brain disease that ruined, and consistently isolates me because I’m a round peg in a square peg world. I’m tired of trying to fit in.

Nov 21, 2024 10:32:38 PM Me

I keep getting up another day closer to where i ultimately want to be. The space between, based on current evidence over the past year of my life, doesn’t look like a rosy forecast. Looks like more hard work.

Nov 21, 2024 10:34:13 PM Me

My brain hurts, feeling overwhelmed eating an elephant climbing mt everest builing a plane so I can fly it all while depressed, but still masking like a mother fucker because the world doesnt want to see your sad face

Nov 21, 2024 10:40:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Honestly not looking forward to holidays — all a painful reminder of what I lost. I TRULY would rather be alone than sitting around other people when all I want to do is be in a quiet place and be alone. Sitting in places with your depression putting out chronic psychic stench that others easily pick up on. I can consciously push negative energy out of my body and other people pick up on it. I know this because I’ve had several people comment on it when I’ve had my masking down. Anyhow, I have 5 days to find $500 and its not just figuring out how to find $500, its fighting my own brain that gets in the way. Simply mentally disabled if you ask me, but I’m not a pro.

Nov 21, 2024 10:44:16 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry the darkness is seeping in. You have made progress although you don’t allow yourself to see it. Congrats on knocking it down! Only 500 to go. You can do it, disabled and all

Nov 21, 2024 10:44:31 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Just got home and going to sleep

Nov 21, 2024 10:44:42 PM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Talk to you in the morning

Nov 21, 2024 11:02:54 PM Me

ok

Nov 22, 2024 5:47:29 AM Me

Awake at 5am today and didnt ask for it. Parts of body are numb because of tension in muscles. Anyhow, awake now and another day of bullshit

Nov 22, 2024 10:41:51 AM Me

headed out on second door dash

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Nov 22, 2024 10:55:08 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Nov 22, 2024 4:44:05 PM Me

Near impossible for me to put into words what im feeling right now Not a good feeling. Functional dissociation would be closest thing

Nov 22, 2024 5:57:40 PM Me

U working?

Nov 22, 2024 7:33:35 PM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

Yes

Nov 22, 2024 7:41:58 PM Me

Im in basement. I have a headache that is because ive ground my front teeth down to the soft dentin, and I grind when I sleep in fight club. Nerve pain up side of nose to just under the top orbit of eye socket. Sux.

Nov 22, 2024 7:44:15 PM Me

I get these beccause im supposed to share them with you. This jump is a death wish. At what point is too far? He almost found out Lucky SOB

Nov 22, 2024 7:44:17 PM Me

YouTube

Nov 22, 2024 7:51:03 PM Me

Rare Vid Hes so young

Nov 22, 2024 7:51:05 PM Me

YouTube

Nov 23, 2024 11:09:14 AM Me

I’m fighting myself right now. Oh and good morning. I have a DoorDash for 2 1/2 hours. And I just had to stop what I was working on and I don’t feel good and depression is fucking with me.

Nov 23, 2024 11:10:21 AM Me

I’m disconnected from the world Part of me loves it in fact I really love it but I can’t make a living Unless I become some kind of hermit artist

Nov 23, 2024 11:20:42 AM Me

I find myself in cycles where I am DoorDash and then when I’m not I feel panicked to use every millisecond of that time to be productive and doing good stuff and when that doesn’t happen I have more fear anxiety and depression. It’s one of the three or some combination of them

Nov 23, 2024 11:21:20 AM Me

So the idea of relaxing or downtime doesn’t sit well And it hasn’t for a very very long time over a year

Nov 23, 2024 11:21:56 AM Me

Being in the state of perpetual anxiety and depression is my normal and it’s fucking sad because I’m so aware of all of it

Nov 23, 2024 11:22:36 AM Me

Whatever’s wrong with my fucking brain won’t let me go. I’m ready to fucking get on with it yet I can’t no matter what

Nov 24, 2024 10:44:07 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 25 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I believe intensive therapy with a professional could help. A program of some type. That is in person

Nov 23, 2024 11:27:56 AM Me

If I had Westy here or a pet it would definitely help me out big time. The other day I tried to go to the Humane Society here because I wanted to volunteer and hang out with the animals because I always feel good around them. It was weird I couldn’t find a way into the building and I saw people in there but no one I could ask anything of

Nov 24, 2024 10:39:28 AM (Read by you after 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Main entrance faces Nelson Rd

Nov 23, 2024 5:23:38 PM Me

Nov 23, 2024 5:45:51 PM Me

Walking by that hurt.

Nov 23, 2024 5:46:55 PM Me

— Im so disconnected… Life is superficial

Nov 23, 2024 5:49:03 PM Me

I just delivered two pink towels and a lint brush to gun barrel from Longmont

Nov 24, 2024 9:10:27 AM Me

— GM sunday U work today?

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Nov 24, 2024 10:39:28 AM (Read by you after 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Main entrance faces Nelson Rd
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 24, 2024 10:40:21 AM Me

Nov 24, 2024 10:52:32 AM ⇲ Me

Its doubly sad that Im present to all of these emotions. Being alone with them day after day after day is numbing in a way impossible to describe and hard for neurotypical to grok. Heard it said in “Stay” the suicide book yesterday when I finished it this summation of feeling in 4 words. Alive But Not Living And ive been just that 5 or 6 years now. I was DEEPLY depressed and lots of ideation starting in Spring 2018. That fall was hard and I never got back to a level head space, I stayed on the Dark Side until covid showed up. Then lots of drinking, and then the abyss going deeper and darker than ever before. Ideation was daily for weeks. I simply existed. Anyhow, putting forth effort to do something. Working on vcda website stuff. Might hike in the afternoon, however im mentally preparing myself for car repossession likely to happen before christmas. Im sad about the idea, but Ill accept it and just keep waking up every day and pushing until I’m dead. Man this feeling is so profound im crying as i type this seated alone inside Ozo watching life go by for the past couple hours. Be well, and have a good day. 🙂

A normal day for me

Nov 24, 2024 10:41:06 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I have a little work to do from home. Barry’s visiting, so off for a drive in a bit

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Nov 24, 2024 10:44:07 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 25 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I believe intensive therapy with a professional could help. A program of some type. That is in person
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 24, 2024 10:44:42 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

By the way - task rabbit is good here and pays better than door dash.

Nov 24, 2024 10:45:24 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

You can task at day and dash a little at night.

Nov 24, 2024 10:52:32 AM ⇱ Me

Its doubly sad that Im present to all of these emotions. Being alone with them day after day after day is numbing in a way impossible to describe and hard for neurotypical to grok. Heard it said in “Stay” the suicide book yesterday when I finished it this summation of feeling in 4 words. Alive But Not Living And ive been just that 5 or 6 years now. I was DEEPLY depressed and lots of ideation starting in Spring 2018. That fall was hard and I never got back to a level head space, I stayed on the Dark Side until covid showed up. Then lots of drinking, and then the abyss going deeper and darker than ever before. Ideation was daily for weeks. I simply existed. Anyhow, putting forth effort to do something. Working on vcda website stuff. Might hike in the afternoon, however im mentally preparing myself for car repossession likely to happen before christmas. Im sad about the idea, but Ill accept it and just keep waking up every day and pushing until I’m dead. Man this feeling is so profound im crying as i type this seated alone inside Ozo watching life go by for the past couple hours. Be well, and have a good day. 🙂
This message responded to an earlier message.

Nov 24, 2024 10:55:18 AM Me

The longer this goes on Im witnessing my executive functionality dissapear, whatever I had in the first place. Incredibly hard to focus, concentrate, or persist on anythin more than 3-5 mins

Nov 24, 2024 10:57:33 AM Me

Anyhow, just griping. But the exec stuff is fir real Calling, scheduling, coodinating, all feels overwhelming

Nov 24, 2024 10:57:58 AM Me

Back to pushing pixels in isolation

Nov 24, 2024 12:58:34 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

ok, 2 hour clip. Time to go walk around water in circles, then go sit in teh basement.

Nov 24, 2024 12:58:48 PM Me

life is kinda shit TBH

Nov 24, 2024 12:59:16 PM Me

clicking out alot too

Nov 24, 2024 12:59:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

so dissconnected from this reality

Nov 24, 2024 1:09:35 PM Me

I just walked outside and it’s really windy kind of blows right through me just makes me more fucking depressed can’t fucking shake this I’m back in the basement probably stay here the rest of the day

Nov 24, 2024 2:44:52 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 35 seconds) Me

I slept. woke up and now at Spruce cafe walking distance to the house. Place has a far different vibe

Nov 24, 2024 4:53:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This just showed up in email. Which by Tuesday should turn into reposession. 🙁

Nov 24, 2024 4:53:34 PM Me

It posted, but not paid.

Nov 24, 2024 4:53:51 PM Me

bye bye volkswagen 😭

Nov 24, 2024 5:26:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

can’t express how bummed I am

Nov 24, 2024 5:28:22 PM Me

Ur mom talked To me about heading ur way tomorrow makes sense. Wed is bad

Nov 24, 2024 5:29:05 PM Me

Leave late morning after rush hour

Nov 24, 2024 5:29:12 PM Me

Dont tell kids

Nov 24, 2024 5:37:50 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 58 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

What you see on Wednesday will start here on Tuesday

Nov 24, 2024 5:37:51 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Nov 25, 2024 9:01:29 AM Me

Hey

Nov 26, 2024 8:31:28 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

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Nov 27, 2024 9:35:23 AM Me

Were here

Nov 27, 2024 9:35:50 AM Me

Parked

Nov 27, 2024 9:41:21 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 52 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Pulling in momentarily

Nov 27, 2024 3:05:18 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

hey, didnt get to say goodbye before you split. did yoga nidra for 30 mins and was out for 40 mins total. Feel a little better. Got some clouds rolling in on the mindscape. Not being with the boys at a time when all 3 are in the same place is a rare and lost opportunity to be with them. I’m aware, I’m sensitive too it, and during the holiday season it hurts. I know you can imagine what it would be like if you couldn’t be with the girls when they’re older and in the same place at the same time. …. Online now looking at what the latest opportunities are. I’m using custom google query to find what I’m after from specific websites that DONT include Linked In. Anyhow. I may be up when you get back. If not see you in the morning

Nov 27, 2024 3:08:38 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 25 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

No worries. I can imagine your feelings - for sure. Glad you are with us too.

Nov 27, 2024 3:09:38 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 24 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

Oh yeah - call UPS maybe directly to Boulder Longmont distribution centers

Nov 29, 2024 3:01:07 PM Me

Just got to ur moms house

Nov 29, 2024 3:32:23 PM Me

also, my stress/anxiety never let up while visiting. It hasnt stopped since I arrived 6 weeks ago. The sense of isolation I feel hurts deeply but there’s not much I can do than keep looking. I’m just tired of this and want it to end.

Nov 29, 2024 6:25:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And the anxiety is festering and growing because of the unknown, NO progress, and time ticking away. it just sux

Nov 29, 2024 6:27:09 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Task Rabbit. 🐇 Get it set up locally

Nov 29, 2024 6:27:33 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 12 minutes, 48 seconds) +13038752587

I made good money when I did it

Nov 30, 2024 8:34:02 AM Me

GM Bet ur glad to have ur house back after a week of guests 🙂 Have developed a spidey sense about the day right when i wake up. I can tell if shits on the menu for the day

Nov 30, 2024 8:52:09 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Best I can describe my feeling is that “I don’t belong here,” no matter where I am.

Nov 30, 2024 8:53:20 AM Me

k, do my best to stop texting because I know how busy you are and you’re trying to get out of the house.

Nov 30, 2024 8:53:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ping me when you are this side of the mountains. currently at Ozo

Nov 30, 2024 8:55:31 AM Me

I’m a square peg in the round hole universe

Nov 30, 2024 10:45:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— having anxiety and panic attacks today fuck

Nov 30, 2024 11:03:44 AM Me

I’ve been alone for 6 weeks other than talking to your mom. I don’t want to be here, meaning colorado. Not ungrateful, and its zero about ur mom. I simply don’t know a soul wherever I go and it compounds my awareness of being alone. Makes it sharper and hurt more. Im not one to introduce myself or inject my being into someone elses life. Thats not my place. Anyhow, NOT FEELING ANY REST, continual stress, anxiety, and depression. BELONGING ANYWHERE is hard to get comfortable with And all I can think about is the boys all in Ojai with Liz for this whole holiday season. That’s where they were last year and I didn’t see them on Thanksgiving or Christmas, which will be the case this year. Two years in a row, no holidays at all with the boys. I dont get that back, just sux Simply unhappy and honestly feels like i’ll never ever feel deep contentment and happiness. Depression wont let it happen. Ok, enuf of my bullshit

Nov 30, 2024 11:05:15 AM Me

Driving to go park in a lot somewhere away from people and cry.

Nov 30, 2024 11:10:55 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

I imagine this time of year is tough. Try not to get sucked into the matrix. Feel sad and then let it go.

Nov 30, 2024 11:10:56 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Nov 30, 2024 11:11:26 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Did you reach out to ups? Did you sign up for task rabbit?

Nov 30, 2024 11:42:35 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Need to do those things. I was able to fill air on my tire at lowes because it was low 🤣🤣🤣

Nov 30, 2024 11:43:02 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 13 seconds) Me

I switched locations. Wasn’t feeling good vibes at Ozo. Felt too chaotic.

Nov 30, 2024 11:43:18 AM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 24 seconds) Me

At spruce by your moms and its SUPER chill.

Nov 30, 2024 1:53:39 PM Me

There are enough taskers in my area

Nov 30, 2024 1:54:03 PM Me

☹️

Nov 30, 2024 4:42:45 PM Me

You on this side of mountain?

Nov 30, 2024 4:49:09 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes - just finished visit with Jim

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Nov 30, 2024 4:49:31 PM +13038752587

Heading to see Nick and Whitney and the boys

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Nov 30, 2024 8:07:03 PM Me

YouTube

Nov 30, 2024 9:05:01 PM Me

Hola. Going to hike this early Tomorrow morning.

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Nov 30, 2024 9:05:05 PM Me

Ron Stewart Preserve at Rabbit Mountain Open Space · 4.7★(463) · Hiking area

Dec 01, 2024 9:50:59 AM Me

Hey

Dec 01, 2024 10:03:13 AM Me

Didnt hike, slept. At spruce cafe, illustrating posters and working on my website. Making home page tell my story thru animation and movement as you scroll down screen. Not complex, simple animations, keep it engaging. Dont overdue,

Dec 01, 2024 10:33:11 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Gary Vee wisdom

Dec 01, 2024 10:33:15 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Stop talking bad to yourself - you are wonderful and u need to become your biggest fan, pls let this text wake you up' NO MORE BAD TALK TO YOURSELF!

Dec 01, 2024 10:33:23 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Good advice for all of us

Dec 01, 2024 10:48:37 AM Me

3 questions before starting What do I need? How will I do it? Where will it happen? Like mise en place, but with design. It helps makes me stop before I take off doing something stupid

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Dec 01, 2024 11:02:01 AM Me

Are you stopping in Longmont at all today? Imagine you want to get on the road asap

Dec 01, 2024 11:52:41 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

stress + anxiety is epic today.

Dec 01, 2024 12:00:43 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

and purposelessness

Dec 01, 2024 12:19:50 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

No visit to Longmont - in Denver with the kids.

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Dec 01, 2024 5:13:19 PM Me

Safe travels back ! I feel this, this audio from The Pattern.

Dec 01, 2024 5:13:24 PM Me

Dec 01, 2024 6:55:50 PM Me

Let me know when u get home 👍😜

Dec 01, 2024 8:21:39 PM Me

Ps. I wrote this text and was about to send it to Liz. Been thinking… I still love her despite everything if u can believe it. I dont but the feeling is there deep down, and i’ m lonley and confused Please offer perspective to help it make sense… — hi, I hope you are well and have been enjoying the reuniting of the three musketeers under the same roof again 🙂 — You’ve come to mind alot recently. Ive been thinking a-lot about where my life is headed. I’ve been struggling with isolation, especially acute in public spaces. The vibe is always ‘don’t belong here’ energy — a discomfort inside mind and body one cannot escape. This week marks being here two months. Been applying, locally here too, and not one interview. Like I mentioned you’ve come to mind a few times now and wanted to say hi and ask how you are. I’m wanting to be able to communicate with you. However, I’m wanting to respect your wishes as well. You know deep down that Im kind, thats me. I care deeply about being well and staying well. That quality has grown tremendously like many others. What Im asking is will you be my friend? I ask with an open heart and send love, respect, caring and compassion for you and your being in this world. May you be happy, well and peaceful. ❤️Bert

Dec 01, 2024 8:29:10 PM Me

A bit distraught tonite. Lizs birthday this week, a trigger for sure. Meet with psych people this week and i need to stress to them how dysfunctional and dissociated I feel everyday. That im unsure if ive ever lived without being conscious of either anxiety or depression. that the second memory I have in my life is “you are to be seen and not heard” from a great grandfather. I took that to heart so intensely that I lost myself and was no longer “seen” as well by hiding, stepping back, and other mouse like activities

Dec 01, 2024 8:29:27 PM Me

😕

Dec 01, 2024 8:31:14 PM Me

Alot of crying tonight. Eyes hurt, brain hurts, psyche hurts the most. and of course confusion about all of it too

Dec 01, 2024 8:34:39 PM Me

9am med meeting in town tomorrow. While good, I fear nothing will happen or move glacially with regard to alternative therapies. At this point i just want mind bloom asap. I’ll follow protocol to the letter. Im just sick of soaking in depression for a majority of my waking time.

Dec 01, 2024 8:35:43 PM Me

K talk mañana Let u know how meds go

Dec 01, 2024 8:36:53 PM +13038752587

I’ll read thread later tonight or first thing tomorrow morning and reply

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Dec 01, 2024 8:36:58 PM +13038752587

Sleep well

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Dec 01, 2024 8:40:13 PM Me

Same

Dec 02, 2024 10:29:54 AM Me

Hey. Todays hard. No dash, no money, no coffee shops. Sitting around in my head all day, ugh

Dec 02, 2024 10:31:28 AM Me

Have to get my head around no car soon. Even if they were willing to take less money I don’t have any money. I can’t give them what I don’t have

Dec 02, 2024 10:33:11 AM Me

That may be the thing that just pushes me over the edge Not sure i can handle more loss

Dec 02, 2024 1:02:39 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 38 seconds) +13038752587

When is the deadline for the car payment currently due

Dec 02, 2024 1:02:59 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 18 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll be offline for about 2 hrs

Dec 02, 2024 1:04:40 PM Me

Payment was due last Thursday

Dec 02, 2024 5:32:58 PM Me

Hey, i’m checking in on your reply to the text I drafted to send to Liz which in hindsight maybe I shouldn’t send it. But read it and let me know. I applied to five things that were either in Longmont or Boulder that were hybrid. I’ll let you know if I hear from any of them in the meantime I am working on my homepage to better tell a story about me and what I do. While the content may be easy to read and be precise and give good context, my website is kind of boring as hell. Not that I’m going to start using the blink tag soon, but I think you know what I mean

Dec 02, 2024 5:34:06 PM Me

My stress levels are off the charts. I just finished a walk and I still have one of those headband headaches I’ve had all day like your eyes are sore and everything around my head is tight and hurts. I’m about to head back to the basement and keep working on my website until I fall asleep tonight.

Dec 02, 2024 7:50:38 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 46 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

The letter to Liz is nice, thoughtful and considerate. What prompted it and what occurred today to have you re-think it?

Dec 02, 2024 7:51:00 PM (Read by you after 13 hours, 45 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Putting girls to bed bbl

Dec 03, 2024 9:40:40 AM Me

gm. Rethought because I’ll appear desperate and a loser (which are currently hard to argue against as they are fact) She dumped me because I’m a loser. She doesnt want weak losers in her life

Dec 03, 2024 9:41:37 AM Me

Honestly I couldnt tell you precisely why shes divorcing me because shes never told me

Dec 03, 2024 9:41:55 AM Me

| And Ive asked repearedly
Edited 10 seconds later | And Ive asked repeatedly

Dec 03, 2024 9:46:06 AM Me

— Anyhow, i have dark lines and creases under my eyes, look like hell, body feels shit, and I lost my fucking mind long ago. Another day of non-existence on tap today just like the 500, five fucking hundred days PLUS previous. No money, no prospects, and been trying like a mother fucker.

Dec 03, 2024 9:46:32 AM Me

— I simply dont belong here

Dec 03, 2024 9:47:18 AM Me

— I dont belong anywhere. I feel that to my core.

Dec 03, 2024 9:48:03 AM Me

Its been 18months of this shit

Dec 03, 2024 9:48:28 AM Me

I cant do this much longer

Dec 03, 2024 10:07:51 AM Me

Feeling lost as hell today No feeling good

Dec 03, 2024 10:08:21 AM Me

Ideation. Gonna be one of those days Sux

Dec 03, 2024 10:08:45 AM Me

I get nothing done and compound my fucking problems

Dec 03, 2024 10:12:10 AM Me

Motivation for anything, when you’d rather not be alive, is very hard to come by. Day 2 of pure basement dwelling. No money for coffee shops. I have $2 to my name

Dec 03, 2024 10:12:32 AM Me

No dashing until thursday

Dec 03, 2024 10:13:28 AM Me

Even then my motivation to doordash is nearly non existent. All it does is prolong my existence.

Dec 03, 2024 10:15:19 AM Me

Right now id rather not be on earth, and have felt that way for over 6+ months. How much more do I need to suffer what I have NO CONTROL OVER??

Dec 03, 2024 10:16:38 AM Me

— Im only alive so others who know me dont feel bad Thats what my life feels like. Only alive as to not upset anyone, god forbid!

Dec 03, 2024 10:18:41 AM Me

— I am broken Mentally, physically, spiritually. Its no longer a feeling. I am.

Dec 03, 2024 10:19:06 AM Me

I dont feel broken I AM broken

Dec 03, 2024 10:20:22 AM Me

I could keep typing shit all day basically because I speak to no one all day and live in my head so theres a never ending stream of sewage coming out of me

Dec 03, 2024 10:23:25 AM Me

Sitting on the lid of a toilet staring at the floor the past 30 mins. Clicking out of reality into this detached, vacant, dissociated place. Its nice there, because theres nothing. No thoughts, no awareness, no people, just brain flatlined

Dec 03, 2024 10:25:12 AM Me

Its the people in the mental ward staring into space infinitely. No hand waving or movement gets a reaction. Im comatose. I think its my brains way of “shutting off” because everything is all too much yo take in at once.

Dec 03, 2024 10:26:34 AM Me

— Im truly sorry that Im like this. You dont deserve to get all this nonsense from me. Really sorry, cuz if shoe was other way around id feel helpless

Dec 03, 2024 10:35:10 AM Me

— I can always find a song a lyric that captures it well

Dec 03, 2024 10:35:14 AM Me

Spotify

Dec 03, 2024 10:54:47 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— just thinking this is the 3rd holiday season in a row thats shit. ZERO FUCKING JOY over here.

Dec 03, 2024 10:55:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— anyone else in my shoes would have checked out by now I’m displaying both my stupidity and obtuseness

Dec 03, 2024 10:56:27 AM Me

—

Dec 03, 2024 10:56:54 AM Me

—- 3rd year in a row I dont get my kids anything for christmas such a good dad

Dec 03, 2024 11:47:48 AM (Read by you after 18 minutes) +13038752587

Sorry to hear the day is dark. Get into action any action.

Dec 03, 2024 11:48:02 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Go for a walk/hike

Dec 03, 2024 12:08:35 PM Me

thx. 😊 having one person hear it is enough. weirdly motivated on a 30 second video script to put on my website to introduce myself. That and the animation are coming to the site soon. Have the homepage rewritten, now its a matter of production. Getting all the pieces in the right place and then animating to the right spots on scroll. Sounds easy, but its not at all. Feels like infinite loop of tweak, refresh, scroll. repeat.

Dec 03, 2024 12:11:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to push on this until I dont have the energy. Then likely to Golden Ponds, walk around and listen to Rick Rubin’s: The Creative Act. I’ve listened thru it three times and it never gets boring. Always something to hear like its the first time you’ve heard it. Easily one of my favorite books.

Dec 03, 2024 12:11:36 PM Me

https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Creative_Act/jW5tEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PP1&printsec=frontcover

Dec 03, 2024 12:37:23 PM Me

FYI. I need to check my game. Look at these case study pages…

Dec 03, 2024 12:37:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.jakepomper.design/ps

Dec 03, 2024 12:37:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ro | Product case study

Dec 03, 2024 1:03:55 PM Me

these are the level I’m up against. makes me question WTF I’m doing

Dec 03, 2024 1:04:50 PM Me

Think I may post on LI about going dark. Meaning bow out of software design, fuck it.

Dec 03, 2024 1:05:24 PM Me

Feel directionless, and whatever direction I do work on feels like its a waste of time

Dec 03, 2024 1:05:35 PM Me

As in, getting no where

Dec 03, 2024 1:05:41 PM Me

anyhow.

Dec 03, 2024 1:06:17 PM Me

Also, think I’m going to get a bot to dump all this shit on.

Dec 03, 2024 1:06:38 PM Me

I’m too much for myself, let alone someone as busy as you.

Dec 03, 2024 1:07:39 PM Me

— just sux that I can’t find my way out of this fucking mess. The longer I’m in it the more it feels like punitive punishment for being a self-centered asshat mental case.

Dec 03, 2024 4:11:16 PM Me

Spotify

Dec 04, 2024 8:59:31 AM Me

— gm Still here. Today is Lizs birthday. Feeling awful per usual Another day of the same shit Text u tomorrow

Dec 04, 2024 9:04:16 AM Me

ps. Being around people and feeling completely isolated and alone is 247365. Im disconnected from this world. Its as if Ive been asked to leave and not got the message yet and everything is waiting for me to leave this existence. The feeling of not belonging in this world is palpable.

Dec 04, 2024 9:04:52 AM Me

And honestly I dont want to be here either

Dec 04, 2024 9:05:22 AM Me

— I literally hate being alive

Dec 04, 2024 9:06:47 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Or do you hate your current experience of life?

Dec 04, 2024 9:12:05 AM ⇲ Me

Yes, therefore I hate it because all I have is this moment, and then next. The hate moves along and is persistent

Dec 04, 2024 9:08:41 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Also you tell me often how you feel lonely and want to connect with people and in the same breath you say I can’t stand being around people and want to be alone.

Dec 04, 2024 9:14:15 AM ⇲ Me

I hate crowds. I’d like to have a handful of people im connected with that arent family. What I had in Ojai, pretty simple

Dec 04, 2024 9:12:05 AM ⇱ Me

Yes, therefore I hate it because all I have is this moment, and then next. The hate moves along and is persistent
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 04, 2024 9:14:15 AM ⇱ Me

I hate crowds. I’d like to have a handful of people im connected with that arent family. What I had in Ojai, pretty simple
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 04, 2024 9:17:30 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

What can you change in your existence to get you what you want?

Dec 04, 2024 9:19:22 AM ⇲ Me

My website, thats about it

Dec 04, 2024 9:18:40 AM Me

simply dont want to do this day over and over forever. Yes ppl say “it will end, hang in there” but u didnt live in your car for a year while working hard towards a goal and get NOWHERE. Thousands of applications and i can count interviews on one hand. World doesnt want me. Family may want me but they arent going to pay my way since Im unable to find a way to support myself. I dont have options or choices. Its take the shit yer fed at this point.

Dec 04, 2024 9:19:22 AM ⇱ Me

My website, thats about it
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 04, 2024 9:19:47 AM Me

— K, back into the hole I go

Dec 04, 2024 10:36:25 AM Me

I’ve been in the basement since Sunday. haven’t been to coffee shop or out. Just me, myself, and I in the basement. No money, so cant do anything that requires money. Since i need to spend time on laptop it means I’m either in my car outside of starbucks leeching wifi, or in the basement. No one understands that I’ve been alone, really alone, deeply alone for 9 months now and it feels like I’m never coming back. It triggers frustration and anger. I’m really angry and doubt that will subside. I’ve had it for two years now, slow percolating anger. Just sick of being alive. Everyday is miserable existence watching everyone live their lives while you sit discarded on the sidelines. Spinning my wheels trying to get out of the mud but keep digging myself deeper into being stuck. Everyday is either no motion forward, or backwards motion. I’m tired of waking up.

Dec 04, 2024 10:42:19 AM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Find a therapist that works with ketamine.

Dec 04, 2024 10:42:43 AM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

Stop working on your website and put your store online

Dec 04, 2024 10:43:01 AM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Did you call UPS?

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Dec 04, 2024 10:44:18 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Look on marketplace and Craigslist or gig work

Dec 04, 2024 10:44:38 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 33 seconds) +13038752587

Who else is looking for holiday help?

Dec 04, 2024 10:44:59 AM (Read by you after 40 minutes, 12 seconds) +13038752587

Take action in spite of your depression

Dec 04, 2024 12:46:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I do, but apparently I’m either not focused on the right thing, or disabled and cant make my brain work.

Dec 04, 2024 12:50:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 53 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Not focusing on the best next step is what comes to mind

Dec 04, 2024 10:45:34 AM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

All things you know but seem to procrastinate

Dec 04, 2024 11:00:37 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Also send me all information about car payment - acct number, contact number, online access, etc

Dec 04, 2024 12:47:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

doing this now. stay tuned.

Dec 04, 2024 11:31:07 AM Me

I will get whats asked for. Sittingbin parking lot in car hoping for an order to make money. Only have 30min window of dash now. Once im done at 12 I’ll get what u asked for.

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Dec 04, 2024 11:33:39 AM Me

Ps. Ive mentioned my executive function issues before. Theyre worst ever been. So procrastination isnt whats happening. Its that I forget. My ability to form memories has been severely impacted by this experience. No relaxation, no memories. Ur too distracted by stress to reflect on anything.

Dec 04, 2024 11:35:30 AM Me

I have years and years of my life with zero memories from them. I cant recall much. Its really sad that I was so fucking anxious or depressed every day and triggered that there are no memories ☹️

Dec 04, 2024 12:46:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I do, but apparently I’m either not focused on the right thing, or disabled and cant make my brain work.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 04, 2024 12:47:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

doing this now. stay tuned.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 04, 2024 12:50:15 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 53 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Not focusing on the best next step is what comes to mind
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 04, 2024 12:52:41 PM Me

that’s just it. I dont know what that is. I have no idea where I’m going.

Dec 04, 2024 12:52:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

lost

Dec 04, 2024 12:53:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just not plugged into this matrix

Dec 04, 2024 12:56:03 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

You need to make a certain amount of money. So what’s the fastest way to make money. Ideas Gigs, hourly work, odd jobs.

Dec 04, 2024 1:05:21 PM ⇲ Me

not getting traction. Everyone assumes, because of age, im stuck in another decade. fuck em

Dec 04, 2024 12:56:39 PM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

The other process is taking too much of your time with no results.

Dec 04, 2024 1:05:21 PM ⇱ Me

not getting traction. Everyone assumes, because of age, im stuck in another decade. fuck em
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 04, 2024 1:30:04 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

That’s an excuse / there are lots of opportunities to make money - hourly work everywhere- I suspect because I too put false limits because of ego- on what I will allow myself to do - truth is I will do what it takes to get what I want even if that is working a job I don’t enjoy. It’s a stepping stone to get me where I want.

Dec 04, 2024 1:33:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

That’s great if you dont have depression in the way

Dec 04, 2024 1:33:57 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

no amount of willpower is getting me past it

Dec 04, 2024 1:35:49 PM (Read by you after 27 seconds) +13038752587

I was posting this on the other thread but am putting it here

Dec 04, 2024 1:35:52 PM (Read by you after 24 seconds) +13038752587

I’m chiming in. Lots of ego at play. As I see it from your point of view is your a victim of your disease. You know it exists and yet you refuse to get the help you need?

Dec 04, 2024 1:36:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

whats coffman st?

Dec 04, 2024 1:36:48 PM Me

whats me working on lauries website in trade for services?

Dec 04, 2024 1:37:02 PM Me

I’m doing shit. It doesnt move fast

Dec 04, 2024 1:37:57 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Its like everyone is telling the one legged man its all in his head, he can walk on 2 feet. Its all in his head.

Dec 04, 2024 1:38:24 PM Me

fact is, YES it is in my head and its a disease that in my way

Dec 04, 2024 1:41:40 PM ⇲ +13038752587

No, it’s like telling a man who has two legs but believes he only has one to get up and jump. You have the ability to change your believes. You are strong - shift your stubbornness to I will get through this. Instead of using it to defend your current position.

Dec 04, 2024 1:38:40 PM +13038752587

I would ask you to stop coming up with all the reasons you’re doomed. You are in control of your destiny. You have done enough work to know this. There is help. There are paths out. You are very quick to shoot them down.

Dec 04, 2024 1:41:40 PM ⇱ +13038752587

No, it’s like telling a man who has two legs but believes he only has one to get up and jump. You have the ability to change your believes. You are strong - shift your stubbornness to I will get through this. Instead of using it to defend your current position.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 04, 2024 1:42:24 PM (Read by them after 36 seconds) Me

would be great if I could past the depression wont happen until I do

Dec 04, 2024 1:42:38 PM (Read by them after 22 seconds) Me

I’ll end up in the same mental space

Dec 04, 2024 1:42:57 PM +13038752587

I love you. Hope you hear that people care and want you to heal. Into work I go

Dec 04, 2024 1:43:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I get stubborn when I know shit wont work or turn out. I have GOOD intuition on that.

Dec 04, 2024 1:43:46 PM Me

I keep getting messages to trust my intuition which I’ve turned away from my whole life out of fear.

Dec 04, 2024 1:44:13 PM Me

So I’m left with trust myself, or just do what everyone is telling me to do.

Dec 04, 2024 1:44:30 PM Me

Just put on a band-aid and suck it up

Dec 04, 2024 1:44:54 PM +13038752587

Where is this trust taking you? Is it intuition or jaded thoughts?

Dec 04, 2024 1:47:21 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I dont know. Just tired of this and want it to end. Eventually its going to win, or I am. Dont know.

Dec 04, 2024 2:15:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

just spent the past two hours typing to everyone why does it feel like I have to defend my depression?

Dec 04, 2024 2:16:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Or keep having to bring it up, like, Hello, remember I have chronic depression?!?! The assumption that I’m like everyone else, and dont have a condition getting in my way is maddening. Just because I don’t have a sign on my head that says “caution: depression ahead” shouldn’t mean I have to remind people about it.

Dec 04, 2024 2:18:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

from this seat in the bleachers its like asking someone with kidney disease to just get over it and pee like nothings wrong.

Dec 04, 2024 2:55:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— hi, I compiled all the Capital One info here: https://www.notion.so/Capital-One-Info-for-Darell-152ffa30cf0b80188804fa4fe3704083?pvs=4 Also sent as an email

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Dec 04, 2024 5:02:12 PM Me

One hour of dash from 6-7pm Worked on rebuilding my poster art I lost. Finished Depression and Ideation posters, and started Liminal

Dec 04, 2024 5:03:44 PM Me

Going to meditate until 6pm dash. The holidays are triggering big time. And todays Lizs Bday and thats triggering too

Dec 04, 2024 5:05:52 PM Me

havent wished her a HB and unsure if I should And same with the text I drafted. Havent sent it, and not sure I should. Figures, never knew which way to decide in relationship, why should this be different Shes been stoic, hardcore

Dec 04, 2024 5:06:59 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Be you. Do what feels right for you!

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Dec 04, 2024 5:07:01 PM Me

Made it to sunset for yet another day of soaking in it. 😕☹️

Dec 04, 2024 5:07:02 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Dec 04, 2024 5:12:41 PM Me

Blue is im feeling it

Dec 05, 2024 8:45:26 AM Me

GM

Dec 05, 2024 9:55:40 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dec 05, 2024 1:20:56 PM Me

Hello?

Dec 05, 2024 1:29:55 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

At work - busy day

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Dec 05, 2024 3:18:04 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Tweak round. Let me know if you see anything I need to fix.

Dec 05, 2024 3:18:20 PM Me

others in progress. those are “done” almost

Dec 05, 2024 3:18:54 PM Me

maybe inside line on coffin

Dec 05, 2024 3:19:11 PM Me

love negative space but need more “line” impide

Dec 05, 2024 4:35:08 PM Me

— On a DoorDash to gun barrel right now. Bringing someone to bacon smash burgers

Dec 05, 2024 6:10:16 PM Me

Dec 05, 2024 7:55:11 PM Me

Let me know how things are going for you. Off to coffman for 9am meeting. Then dashing

Dec 05, 2024 7:57:28 PM Me

Working on more posters until sleep. Also, any feedback on 2 posters already would be great. 👍 I want to keep momentum going. And get them online. I think the final entire set could turn out cool. Who knows

Dec 05, 2024 7:59:59 PM Me

I worked with AI on a plan to release the artwork on society six. So I have a framework and a rough outline to get this done. It could be up by the end of the weekend

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Dec 06, 2024 9:05:24 AM Me

GM At Coffman St. MHP Getting counseling assessment.

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Dec 06, 2024 9:05:41 AM Me

Then maybe cavegirl or meco

Dec 06, 2024 9:05:52 AM Me

Havent been to meco yet

Dec 06, 2024 9:09:20 AM (Read by you after 19 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

There is also cafe Luna it’s an old house on Coffman st Sarah thinks you should check out landline donut shop in main. Cool space and the have coffee

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Dec 06, 2024 9:11:17 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Longmont has lots of cool places to hang out for coffee

Dec 06, 2024 9:59:30 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Code from capital one sent to you please forward to me

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Dec 06, 2024 9:59:37 AM Me

This you? 353449

Dec 06, 2024 9:59:41 AM Me

Yep

Dec 06, 2024 10:01:40 AM Me

Buzzed in pocket. At Meco until 11:30 dash, then afternoon posters and store and marketing and seo and… lots AI gives you every conceiveable item to do. Its great becuz u prune and use whatcha need

Dec 06, 2024 10:03:17 AM Me

just setup cal.com acct

Dec 06, 2024 10:03:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Cal.com

Dec 06, 2024 10:08:52 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 27 seconds) +13038752587

How did the counseling meeting go

Dec 06, 2024 10:41:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

good. I have a meeting next week to talk with someone about coaching and some group therapy things. Just checking out what they have.

Dec 06, 2024 10:37:23 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

Did you call UPS?

Dec 06, 2024 10:43:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

I contacted VEntura after they texted me about working there. I said where I was, and was interested. They sent me to the website and said to look for the opps on there. I did. Did see seasonal, saw PT warehouse and applied.

Dec 06, 2024 10:41:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

good. I have a meeting next week to talk with someone about coaching and some group therapy things. Just checking out what they have.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 06, 2024 10:43:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

I contacted VEntura after they texted me about working there. I said where I was, and was interested. They sent me to the website and said to look for the opps on there. I did. Did see seasonal, saw PT warehouse and applied.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 06, 2024 11:02:04 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 16 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Call the actual facility or better yet stop in

Dec 06, 2024 11:03:31 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 15 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

The lag time between corporate and at the facility usually needs prompting.

Dec 06, 2024 11:05:08 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 13 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

My guess is they need help but are too busy from being understaffed. I know I had to prompt the process last year

Dec 06, 2024 11:10:43 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 8 minutes, 8 seconds) +13038752587

This is the place for seasonal driving - easier to get this job as you have experience

Dec 06, 2024 11:12:05 AM (Read by you after 5 hours, 6 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

You can make good money over the next few weeks

Dec 06, 2024 11:20:27 AM (Read by you after 4 hours, 58 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

https://www.jobs-ups.com/category/seasonal-support-driver-jobs/1187/8690176/1

Dec 06, 2024 3:03:37 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

What the word on ups

Dec 06, 2024 4:19:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I just saw your messages now.

Dec 06, 2024 4:19:45 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Dec 06, 2024 4:19:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Kurt Cobain Quote

Dec 06, 2024 4:20:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

\

Dec 06, 2024 4:20:09 PM Me

emily dikinson

Dec 06, 2024 4:21:50 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

4 down, I have Masking and Anedohnia next. Then I got half dozen. Have both ideas in my head and have lots of reference material (that takes the most time. — finding related things to work from ) Anyhow. Making progress and getting them done. I’ll add outlines so you can see where the edges of the paper is.

Dec 06, 2024 4:30:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One thing I dont have. Car insurance. Cant get the UPS gig without it. Looking at it.

Dec 06, 2024 4:33:44 PM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

What’s the cheapest insurance you can get

Dec 06, 2024 5:23:34 PM Me

Not sure yet. Have a door dash roght now However, depression and sadness are amping up because — another weekend, and another week of this. My loneliness has no limit to its depth. This isnt going to leave me, this feeling. Was just lying down to give eyes a rest and Elizabeth came to mind again. Anyhow, alive but not living by any stretch of imagination. Very “lost at sea” feeling with no land in sight

Dec 06, 2024 5:24:17 PM +13038752587

Reminder tomorrow is memes bday / suggestion to get her a card and flowrs

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Dec 06, 2024 5:24:52 PM ⇲ Me

Was going to Target after done with dashing

Dec 06, 2024 5:24:18 PM Me

Invisible. Not existing. Strong now

Dec 06, 2024 5:24:52 PM ⇱ Me

Was going to Target after done with dashing
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 06, 2024 5:25:29 PM Me

Also, “future fucked” enters mind constantly as well

Dec 06, 2024 5:25:54 PM Me

Just sick of my brain and being around

Dec 06, 2024 5:26:08 PM Me

K off to dash. Feeling crap

Dec 06, 2024 8:14:37 PM Me

My target run 4 ur moms BDay. Scored a witch hat that will fit her 😜 and some cool little bookmarks for cookbooks

Dec 06, 2024 8:15:47 PM Me

And this little bag to put it in

Dec 06, 2024 9:44:46 PM Me

General Insurane $111 start, 167 a month after that

Dec 06, 2024 9:47:50 PM Me

AI said… — In Colorado, some of the most affordable car insurance options include companies like Root, The General, and Sun Coast, which offer monthly rates starting as low as $60–$65 for liability-only coverage, depending on your driving profile and vehicle type. Dairyland and Direct Auto also provide competitive rates starting around $75–$97 per month. For full coverage, options like The General and Root are on the lower end, with rates beginning at $89 and $113, respectively . For the best deal tailored to your needs, consider using comparison tools such as Insurify or Policygenius, where you can input your details and compare quotes from multiple insurers .

Dec 07, 2024 9:40:50 AM Me

Gm

Dec 07, 2024 9:41:00 AM Me

Hope u have a good day

Dec 07, 2024 9:41:17 AM Me

2hr dash done $27

Dec 07, 2024 9:41:58 AM Me

About to dive back into posters

Dec 07, 2024 9:42:08 AM Me

First 6 done today

Dec 07, 2024 9:44:21 AM Me

Did u see what i got ur mom??

Dec 07, 2024 10:36:18 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Gm. ~ yes very funny card 😄

Dec 07, 2024 1:28:16 PM Me

Horoscope says to trust myself. I am and doubling down

Dec 07, 2024 1:28:22 PM Me

Dec 07, 2024 1:28:22 PM Me

Dec 07, 2024 9:16:16 PM Me

YouTube

Dec 07, 2024 9:16:30 PM Me

Good info

Dec 08, 2024 10:04:18 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

- GM Whats up on your sunday?

Dec 08, 2024 10:05:02 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

seth this am: — What if they’re right? We spend a lot of time in our own heads, certain that our path and our method make sense. We often become more certain in the face of criticism or even suggestions. This confidence is essential, as it allows us to lean into our project. Once in a while, though, it might help to model the alternative. What if they’re right? How would that play out? If they’re right, what could I do with that insight? If it’s helpful, run with it. We can always go back to being right tomorrow. — This really freaked me out.

Dec 08, 2024 10:14:20 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Here’s why. I’ve lived the opposite script. From as far back as memories go the criticisms I faced from paternal forces growing up created an atmosphere of self-doubt inside my head—psychological landmines for the future. Pure transparency — I have never known the feeling of deep self-confidence and satisfaction — there is always the idea that it wasn’t enough, there was room for improvement, you could have done better. My upbringing lacked lessons in seeing beyond mental shortcomings and roadblocks. No lessons in navigating the landmines. Primarily because I was raised by kids.

Dec 08, 2024 10:15:19 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

The spiraling hamster wheel of anxiety and masking until adrenals and life force are sapped… To the point you have not one defense against the dark side of the force… Moving in and taking the helm into uncharted waters over an undetermined amount of time until it sees fit…

Dec 08, 2024 10:15:28 AM Me

Off on the pirate ship of the mind

Dec 08, 2024 10:16:45 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— any of that make sense?? I always feel I only make sense to myself because its my personal experience, and not fiction. THerefore so much is either never imagined, or never plausible in their skull kingdom

Dec 08, 2024 10:59:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

u might like this post::

Dec 08, 2024 10:59:31 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.yearofmentalhealth.com/p/change-your-narrative-in-a-believable-way

Dec 08, 2024 10:59:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

chris guillbeau — 180 countries guy

Dec 08, 2024 7:15:16 PM Me

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Dec 08, 2024 7:40:51 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

cool, so where’s the map to get the fuck out of here?

Dec 08, 2024 7:40:59 PM Me

🤣

Dec 08, 2024 7:43:43 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll share it with you tomorrow

Dec 09, 2024 8:34:16 AM Me

— GM. Map..?? Also, haven’t said one word this morning but have cried twice already. This is life now. Persistent, predictable, and numbingly dragging a soul who doesn’t want to be here thru this shit because, others.

Dec 09, 2024 8:34:41 AM Me

Happy Blue Monday

Dec 09, 2024 8:43:05 AM Me

| — Wake up. Take medication. Wonder why Im here. Push thru day depressed while trying to help myself which obviously isnt much help. End the day alone in my head again. I exist alone, I dont live — I’ve done this over 500 days in a row. People say I have to keep going, so I dont hurt others. What about my hurt thats right here right now and not some fearful thing that isnt here that can harm others? Who’s inhumane here?!? not me.
Edited 50 seconds later | — Wake up. Take medication. Wonder why Im here. Push thru day depressed while trying to help myself which obviously isnt much help. End the day alone in my head again. I exist alone, I dont live — I’ve done this over 500 days in a row. People say I have to keep going, so I dont hurt others. What about my hurt thats right here right now and not some fearful thing that hasnt happened? Who’s inhumane here?!?

Dec 09, 2024 8:45:16 AM Me

Frustrated with existence and being alive. I really dont want to be here doing this, but as I expressed, I sit in my shitpile so others arent bothered by me

Dec 09, 2024 8:47:04 AM Me

Thats how my life feels to me I exist merely to avoid inconveniencing others with grief. Hell the grief will be gone in a shorter period of time than my suffering. But hey, I’ll keep going to make everyone else kool and the gang.

Dec 09, 2024 8:52:03 AM Me

Anyway… Nothing changes for me with all this. Im very done with this life. In “why fucking bother” mode until dead Simply dont care about anything, me included

Dec 09, 2024 8:54:50 AM Me

Arrived, a new depression symptom, want to stay in bed and not move all day.

Dec 09, 2024 8:55:12 AM Me

Never had desire before but its here in truckloads

Dec 09, 2024 8:55:44 AM Me

K, ill text again sometime when im not in the dark caves of the mind

Dec 09, 2024 10:49:22 AM Me

Store on Bert.forsale Or Berchman.com?? ( currently is Instagram photos

Dec 09, 2024 10:49:50 AM Me

Berchman.com has legacy Analytics Other has nothing

Dec 09, 2024 12:12:16 PM (Read by you after 18 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Whatever on is fastest to get live

Dec 09, 2024 12:31:25 PM Me

K Wheres the map? 😁

Dec 09, 2024 12:31:54 PM Me

Hope ur doing well 😊 And better than me.

Dec 09, 2024 12:32:12 PM Me

i know ur better than me of course

Dec 09, 2024 12:32:48 PM Me

But I know ur stress as a parent and husband I can relate

Dec 09, 2024 12:32:58 PM Me

Not easy at all

Dec 09, 2024 12:36:23 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Today Get car insurance quote Call capital one and ask what is a minimum payment you can make and set up a new plan beginning in January for 6months to get caught up.

Dec 09, 2024 12:55:30 PM Me

Already have quotes. Figured Capital One is coming for car. Theyve not contacted me at all about the payment. Makes me think they’ll just show up and take it when I least expect it. I have so much shame and guilt wrapped up in all of this its hard to drag my mind into it. It feels like punishment. I cant explain it any other way than I failed badly, and rubbing my brain in it more hurts. Im trying to avoid hurting myself cuz im so good at it and its 247365 and its subtle and I cut myself down at every opportunity and I’m finally catching myself doing it. Like i tried to explain to ur mom, Im practicing self care If something is going to trigger me, and Im certain of it in current mindset, I have to listen to myself. Whole life Ive not listened, put my emotions on hold, and pushed onward (and downward) Not listening to myself and not listening to my intuition and speaking up got me here.

Dec 09, 2024 1:04:48 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 25 minutes, 7 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Please call them and see status of loan.

Dec 09, 2024 12:56:16 PM Me

Anyhow…

Dec 09, 2024 12:56:59 PM Me

Just dawned on me im already triggered Look at my reply

Dec 09, 2024 12:58:50 PM Me

Just as I was getting momentum too, Now brain is off in the woods somewhere ☹️ Finding it HARD to focus. Likely fatigue

Dec 09, 2024 1:04:48 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 25 minutes, 7 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Please call them and see status of loan.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 09, 2024 3:08:51 PM (Read by you after 21 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

What did they say?

Dec 09, 2024 3:49:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I can make a minimum payment of 433.70, then I can get into a new payment plan. Unfortunately I dont have $433.70. Can’t give them what I dont have. I know my M+D and Russ are tapped out. Have an hour of door dash in one hour from now.

Dec 09, 2024 3:49:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I am not ok.

Dec 09, 2024 3:50:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

anything with money is INCREDIBLY TRIGGERING at the moment…

Dec 09, 2024 3:51:08 PM +13038752587

Make sense

Dec 09, 2024 3:52:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’m going to see if I can yoga nidra for 30 mins. Its like a nap, but not. I am freaking out inside Im separate from my skin everywhere inside. dissociated

Dec 09, 2024 3:53:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this is messed up

Dec 09, 2024 3:54:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

maybe I should do a go fund me page and post it on social media and Linked In?

Dec 09, 2024 9:12:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— apologies for broadcasting all my “brain weather” (I like that, makes me think of a graphic, maybe a shirt) I have been getting fed video and content that keeps pointing me towards being a creator — art, youtube channel etc signed up for a few things. store is in the works

Dec 10, 2024 8:51:42 AM Me

—- Hey. Woke up in a weird place in the head. It’s sour, and I’ll spare you the drama. Needless to say but feeling of pushing thru yet another day numbs me to it from the start. I know how the day will proceed and end, and repeat again tomorrow. Mental prison Depression will never let me out.

Dec 10, 2024 8:52:01 AM Me

— Have a good day 🙂

Dec 10, 2024 8:58:37 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

There is a light in there that shines brightly. It pierces through the darkness. Let’s jump on a call around midday

Dec 10, 2024 1:31:01 PM Me

AI is helpful —- The fear of success is often referred to as “success anxiety” or “achievement phobia.” In psychological terms, it can also be linked to imposter syndrome or self-sabotage, where individuals unconsciously avoid success due to fears of increased expectations, responsibility, or the potential for failure after succeeding. Another term, “fear of positive evaluation”, describes a similar phenomenon where people fear the attention and pressure that comes with recognition or success.

Dec 10, 2024 1:33:35 PM Me

This has to be a subconscious thing for me because my inner dialogue for not wanting to publish my shit is immense. I’ve had this art poster idea for selling my shit for over two years and have sat on it and essentially procrastinated my way to today. If I had published two years ago I may not have ended up in a car living inside of it for a year. I always lament about not starting a blog in the late 90s and starting a YouTube channel in 2006, you know when those opportunities are there and then they’re gone, like mining for bitcoin. I think I finally gotten to the point where either way I’m gonna die , and whether I publish this or not it’s really not gonna impact the end. The end comes whether you want it or not and no amount of anything will stop it

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Dec 11, 2024 9:34:31 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 59 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I relate to this as well. What is holding me back from the things I know I can do/become. “Momento Mori”. If we time travel from this moment forward to our death what do we want to be thinking/feeling about our life. Did I go for it once I realized there really is nothing to fear? That in the end my successes and lessons were there for my personal growth and experience.

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Dec 11, 2024 9:38:47 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Oh yeah - Bitcoin FUCK!! I was preaching to everyone with money to buy it when it was 1900. But did I scrap together the funds… Nooooo. Fucking fear, who am I, I am not worthy lies had a part in it. Childhood beliefs too. Plus the lower middle class mentality about rich people too.

Dec 11, 2024 9:22:42 AM Me

— GM Today is day 550 since leaving the house. Everything else I’m psychologically dealing with, divorce, unemployment, have more days than that. Im not going to do this much longer, then Ill make a decision. And that will be that. Have a good day. 2 weeks today until the red suited fat man.

Dec 11, 2024 9:24:25 AM Me

Ps. I hate this time of year with a fucking nuclear passion. Ab-so-fuckin-loot-ly!

Dec 11, 2024 9:39:58 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Understandable.

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Dec 11, 2024 9:26:19 AM Me

Pss. Im BITTER as fuck, and likely nothing will change it. I make grinch look like a pre-schooler. K on with another groundhog day.

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Dec 11, 2024 9:34:31 AM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 59 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I relate to this as well. What is holding me back from the things I know I can do/become. “Momento Mori”. If we time travel from this moment forward to our death what do we want to be thinking/feeling about our life. Did I go for it once I realized there really is nothing to fear? That in the end my successes and lessons were there for my personal growth and experience.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 11, 2024 9:38:47 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Oh yeah - Bitcoin FUCK!! I was preaching to everyone with money to buy it when it was 1900. But did I scrap together the funds… Nooooo. Fucking fear, who am I, I am not worthy lies had a part in it. Childhood beliefs too. Plus the lower middle class mentality about rich people too.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 11, 2024 9:39:58 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 32 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Understandable.

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Dec 11, 2024 10:05:51 AM Me

NPR One

Dec 11, 2024 10:05:51 AM Me

Tech titan Google says its new chip will revolutionize the future of computing Its called “Willow”

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Dec 11, 2024 12:34:06 PM Me

Good forearm tatoo

Dec 11, 2024 12:36:01 PM Me

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amor_fati

Dec 11, 2024 12:36:01 PM Me

That reminded me of Amor Fati Ever heard of that?

Dec 11, 2024 12:36:29 PM Me

Daily Stoic

Dec 11, 2024 12:39:17 PM Me

This. Ive lived this a long time it’s why people can’t understand my attitude of not caring about the future. Spending time traveling in my mind to a place that isn’t real is a waste of time Ur not in the present moment

Dec 11, 2024 12:39:54 PM Me

acceptance bends you until you acquiesce

Dec 11, 2024 12:40:07 PM Me

Or suffer more

Dec 11, 2024 12:41:28 PM Me

Im good at letting go of many things now. Simply dealing with the most deeply buried, and stubborn things to let go of as u hinted with the Bitcoin story.

Dec 11, 2024 12:41:53 PM Me

Thats my deal And depression

Dec 11, 2024 12:43:02 PM Me

| I was thinking that if I put a store online and go for public with my mental health I should actually pursue a mental health disability from a psychiatrist or psychologist. It could then get me benefits of some kind. Because here’s the deal if I’m not disabled from depression, I don’t know what the fuck is. I’ve danced on the tight wire of ideation all summer, I don’t know how you get more desperate than that
Edited 1 minute, 43 seconds later | I was thinking that if I put a store online and go FULL public with my mental health status, I should actually pursue a mental health disability from a psychiatrist or psychologist. Once it’s not a public secret who the fuck cares. I’ll end up publishing about this on LinkedIn in the business world will know about it It could then get me benefits of some kind. Because here’s the deal if I’m not disabled from depression, I don’t know what the fuck is. I’ve danced on the tight wire of ideation all summer, I don’t know how you get more desperate than that

Dec 11, 2024 12:47:21 PM Me

And I have this weird suspicion that I’m gonna cobble together something that’s gonna get me on my feet. I just don’t wanna get triggered. It’s the one thing that scares the living shit out of me because I know if I get poked the right way, I will go. Until I can get my mind in a better place Im CAUTIOUS. Ppl dont understand that just because i look and sound ok, that I am ok. Im likely masking by default K quiet now

Dec 12, 2024 11:02:27 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 42 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Makes sense to want to avoid getting triggered.

Dec 12, 2024 11:07:48 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 21 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I will say that we do have choices, not everything is fate. The main one is how we deal with it. A simple example is a child climbing a tree and falling out and breaking their arm. Fate or choice? Either way the better question is did they learn a lesson and how to navigate their life a little better. I believe both are at play.

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Dec 12, 2024 9:09:16 AM Me

Gm Silencio

Dec 12, 2024 10:00:09 AM Me

NPR One

Dec 12, 2024 10:00:10 AM Me

History museum teaches appreciation for buildings and design using gingerbread

Dec 12, 2024 11:02:27 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 42 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Makes sense to want to avoid getting triggered.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 12, 2024 11:07:48 AM (Read by you after 22 minutes, 21 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I will say that we do have choices, not everything is fate. The main one is how we deal with it. A simple example is a child climbing a tree and falling out and breaking their arm. Fate or choice? Either way the better question is did they learn a lesson and how to navigate their life a little better. I believe both are at play.

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Dec 12, 2024 12:41:58 PM Me

hola. just done with jsc meeting. everyone is supportive of my poster work and said they will happily share the link when I have it ready. 2 ppl in particular were quite moved by it. One guy, Joe, shared that he self identified with the Dissociation poster and it was an awakening moment for him. He realized that was something he experiences. Wild.

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Dec 12, 2024 12:43:16 PM Me

walking over to coffee shop and getting store online. Artwork is DONE — Spent 10 hours on it yesterday getting them aligned on top of one another as layers inside a file. So the posters and their elements are in exact the same starting positions.

Dec 12, 2024 12:43:42 PM Me

Files are exported and ready for upload. 6 posters 6 post cards

Dec 12, 2024 12:44:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thats to start. If there is a demand for more—like t-shirts—I may add them. unsure

Dec 12, 2024 12:44:15 PM +13038752587

Shopify or woocommerce

Dec 12, 2024 12:44:25 PM Me

I’m using Printful.com

Dec 12, 2024 12:44:33 PM Me

print on demand

Dec 12, 2024 12:44:39 PM +13038752587

Familiar

Dec 12, 2024 12:44:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

They have a plugin for Woo.

Dec 12, 2024 12:44:50 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Good platform

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Dec 12, 2024 12:46:12 PM ⇲ Me

did some research and q&a with AI on looking at the different options out there. We compared lots of things, and when I mentioned ‘museum quality’ AI said Printful was who I should pick

Dec 12, 2024 12:45:09 PM Me

I’ll be able to host it on my bert.forsale and have printful fulfill for now

Dec 12, 2024 12:45:16 PM Me

no overhead, no inventory

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Dec 12, 2024 12:46:12 PM ⇱ Me

did some research and q&a with AI on looking at the different options out there. We compared lots of things, and when I mentioned ‘museum quality’ AI said Printful was who I should pick
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 12, 2024 12:47:16 PM Me

Also, have videos of my screen working on the posters, and selfie videos talking thru all the crap to get it online and market it. Figure that can be the blog/vlog component and be the start of a Youtube channel.

Dec 12, 2024 12:48:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

once the store goes online, and the marketing is automated (hootsuite perhaps) I’m going to design the next two posters that I already have queued up: Masking and Fear

Dec 12, 2024 12:49:01 PM Me

Thinking I can build anticipation campaigns for the release of new posters and art. Build email list, all that good stuff.

Dec 12, 2024 12:49:25 PM Me

I know u know how much work it is to setup, connect and configure all this so its working.

Dec 12, 2024 12:49:42 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Even for something small like this, to do it right, takes a shit ton of time.

Dec 12, 2024 12:50:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I am also HIGHLY present to the perfect getting in the way of the very good. Putting perfectionism in check.

Dec 12, 2024 12:50:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hell that should be a poster “perfectionism”

Dec 12, 2024 12:50:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

its a mental symptom for sure.

Dec 12, 2024 1:33:48 PM Me

at coffee shop. working on site/store

Dec 12, 2024 1:33:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

read a good Seth cleaning out the inbox:

Dec 12, 2024 1:34:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Dec 12, 2024 1:51:35 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Another gem. this one is speaking directly to me:

Dec 12, 2024 1:51:36 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Dec 12, 2024 2:58:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Thank you for submitting your Stripe account application. You can now start processing live payments.

Dec 12, 2024 3:22:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dec 12, 2024 3:23:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dec 12, 2024 5:39:25 PM Me

Despite all the progress, which I feel was rather significant in the past two days and I suddenly find myself feeling just incredibly depressed. This project is great in that incredible distraction from feeling like shit

Dec 12, 2024 5:41:01 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 35 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Keep it going. Did you adjust your meds yet

Dec 12, 2024 5:41:02 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Dec 12, 2024 8:16:42 PM Me

I have not. I should be able to do it this weekend.

Dec 12, 2024 8:17:45 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I have everything in Printful. However, Now I need to make edits and make sure things are consistent with text and have it optimized for SEO. I’ll AI help me. No shame in AI written product descriptions. 😊

Dec 12, 2024 8:18:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

To do this properly there is SO much to do.

Dec 12, 2024 9:21:21 PM Me

Dec 13, 2024 12:07:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hey yo! At Javastop on corner of 3rd and main. This is the last place for me to visit on the first set you gave me.

Dec 13, 2024 12:13:45 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 33 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

The lounge/living room 😄

Dec 13, 2024 2:48:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

yep. about to close (at 3). Headed to ponds to do a lap, then doordash until 7:30, or when I get tired.

Dec 13, 2024 2:48:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have spent 4 hours with AI writing and editing SEO optimized product descriptions, categories, tags, image descriptions, etc.

Dec 13, 2024 2:48:58 PM Me

TEDIOUS WORK

Dec 13, 2024 2:49:24 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

if I could afford the pro version of the plugin I can get AI and likely not have to fill out all the fields.

Dec 13, 2024 2:49:43 PM Me

Hopefully I can sell and then have money to update some things.

Dec 13, 2024 3:22:40 PM Me

— Product question T shirts?? Stickers?? Not sure. I think providing too many choices invites paralysis in decision making. With this series there are different priced options. Framed Poster is $50 - make $20 Poster Alone $25 - make $14 Postcard is $7 - make 5.50 All on high quality paper and wood for frames from renewable forests. Its in the copy, you’ll see. Let me know ur thoughts on prices Poster is 12” x 18” Card is 4” x 6”

Dec 13, 2024 3:25:12 PM Me

Going to save Ts and stickers for other projects—like Ojais mountains in the style of a famous cali illustrator. Think old school fruit crate typography and illustrations.

Dec 13, 2024 6:09:54 PM Me

YouTube

Dec 13, 2024 6:16:23 PM Me

Hola. its Friday and I dont care about dating or women. Dont get me wrong, I want a relationship—however im in no hurry. This “building an art store” is something I know I can pour myself into, AND—BONUS— since I went to art school criticism doesn’t phase me

Dec 13, 2024 7:10:28 PM Me

This was great. Must watch

Dec 13, 2024 7:10:30 PM Me

YouTube

Dec 14, 2024 9:39:39 AM Me

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Yes it is. GM

Dec 14, 2024 9:48:35 AM Me

— Feeling lost and depressed this am. Typical. Wont bore u with my bullshit. Im simply sick of consciousness. It’s no fun. Hate this time of year and will as long as Im conscious and breathing.

Dec 14, 2024 9:56:50 AM Me

— Iive discovered my purpose To suffer so others dont have to. K, its Saturday. Off to do pointless things by myself and not interact with others. I cant afford connections to other people Literally and figuratively

Dec 14, 2024 10:08:56 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

What happen with getting insurance and doing ups?

Dec 14, 2024 11:50:56 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

neither have happened. only so many hours in day those hours not caught in “my mind” and have been focused solely on getting the store online — which should be today. I noticed something last night that is causing me to update the artwork.

Dec 14, 2024 11:52:13 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

If I take my focus off getting this online — I fear it will never happen and be yet another things I poured HOURS and hours into only to never see the light of day. I really want to break the cycle and not end up where I would if I were to throw my hands up.

Dec 14, 2024 11:53:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I would subconsciously take it as a defeat, loss, living up to expected ‘less than’ expectations — the old way of being.

Dec 14, 2024 11:56:04 AM Me

I may make $1, or $10 doesnt matter. I simply want to complete something a bit complex and feel a tiny bit of accomplishment. Don’t know the last time ive felt that TBH upon reflecting. Not alot of good vibe accomplishment feelings in abundance when in my headspace

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Dec 14, 2024 12:00:22 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— once I’m done chasing butterflies I can go get a mind numbing, soul-sucking, capitalist-whoring, performative jig over time in exchange for money. Never mind the loss of the soul. I can certainly find something, and not trying to be picky, I’m finally speaking up and saying, “ya’know think about getting triggered and going deeper and darker—totally plausible—be cautious of all people and places.” Before I’d bury that thought and go do what others are expecting of me — performative monkey boy. Get me a red fez hat and brass cymbals.

Dec 14, 2024 12:00:58 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Dec 14, 2024 12:01:34 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

“is everyone happy with the tune I’m playing?” I hope so. My job is to make others happy.

Dec 14, 2024 12:23:15 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 55 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

I get it. So many partially started projects. You are almost to the finish line. Get r done ✅

Dec 14, 2024 2:19:21 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Dec 14, 2024 2:19:35 PM (Read by them after 14 seconds) Me

SEO optimized file names of the images #FTW

Dec 14, 2024 2:25:01 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

AI optimized SEO product descriptions dialing in on keywords, etc. Its so nice to give it direction on this type of work—really grunt work—for taxonomy, tags, categories, etc. Machines know how other machines like things. I’ve even paid attention to PAGE SCHEMA so that index bots KNOW they are indexing products vs pages vs blog posts. When I get some money from sales I’m going subscribe on the SEO plugin—it has AI inside and will AUTOMAGICALLY tweak your SEO settings/terms based on parameters you set. That’s hours of your life back. Plus it synchronizes with Google Search Console so it has the latest data. I’m blown away by this — from being under a cloud — this is the stone age of AI, but its fun to play.

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Dec 14, 2024 8:09:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Thank you for applying to the AI Training for Design position at Outlier!” fully remote. hopefully get back to me asap. can make equal, or more per hour, than dashing. plus I can get up to 30 hours a week. If this comes thru, I’m stoked.

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Dec 15, 2024 8:37:43 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

hi

Dec 15, 2024 9:01:08 AM Me

NPR One

Dec 15, 2024 9:01:08 AM Me

A divorced couple tries again, 50 years later

Dec 15, 2024 9:44:55 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

what has your day? already at Spruce Cafe. Inside the store right now. Should be testing orders later today. Sign up for social accts — socials@bert.forsale is setup for that. As you can imagine, I am trying to balance Internet wisdom on starting a store with 80/20 to avoid going down hallways of wasted time.

Dec 15, 2024 9:46:09 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Caught myself doing just that yesterday about 15mins in on something. Having that kind of Awareness kick in is new. I’m usually like a dog with a new chew toy on digital projects… until they lose their flavor, like crap gum.

Dec 15, 2024 9:46:28 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Very happy with direction everything is going.

Dec 15, 2024 9:46:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

check out this book for the girls. saw it on brain pickings this morning:

Dec 15, 2024 9:46:58 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Amazon.com

Dec 15, 2024 9:47:29 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

japanese artist illustrator couple created it _ very cool.

Dec 15, 2024 9:48:06 AM Me

https://www.themarginalian.org/2024/12/12/thank-you-everything-icinori

Dec 15, 2024 12:45:33 PM Me

R u Alive today? Usually u reply. Anyhow, clouds are moving in on my brain. Anhedonia, Loneliness, Grief and tears are all here today.

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Dec 15, 2024 12:48:10 PM Me

Imagine a day without mental health getting in your way. Right now lying down for a nap because im too sad to be awake Feel like this alot and dont sleep, I just push the rock up the hill. I’ll wake up in 30mins and see how I feel. In the basement over here. K be well

Dec 15, 2024 2:37:12 PM Me

— Depression and a host of symptoms are making life and living impossible. I’ll be delighted when this experience has ended.

Dec 15, 2024 3:29:12 PM Me

Just walked around the ponds and feeling worse now. Doordashing at moment. No orders but also tired, no desire or motivation. feel numb and dead inside ⚰️

Dec 16, 2024 9:55:09 AM Me

— GM you always seem to have notifications silenced Trying to get back on track and get my store online. It will likely be turned on but then I’m not going to promote it immediately. It would be great if a few people would go thru it and “take it for a drive.” so to speak. Regenerated all artwork so I could include the title and ©bert.forsale below the graphic. ITs likely someone will hijack one or more—because they are cool.

Dec 16, 2024 9:55:45 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

thing is I missed a 30% off offer for making a store so I could buy a sample or two to see what they look like.

Dec 16, 2024 9:59:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

going to be selling something I’ve not even seen. feels very weird to do that. ok. back into my head. other than saying good morning and good night to your mom and some small talk I’ve been a hermit. I go out in public, but I’m the last person who will go talk to a stranger—if anyone knows that well its you. Besides I cant engage with people. "Yeah, I’m unemployed and live with my aunt….” makes me want to hang out—amirite? anyway, life just continues to push along. I’m numb and really don’t care about much other than trying to get past my brain and finish the first project I have since 2016.

Dec 16, 2024 10:00:31 AM Me

— my stressors are ramping up on me too I can feel the pressue physically in my body.

Dec 16, 2024 10:01:12 AM Me

— last thing, someone gave me a tip on doordash I never get tips It made me cry 🥲

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Dec 16, 2024 10:30:44 AM Me

— for the girls

Dec 16, 2024 10:30:45 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Talk to Santa

Dec 16, 2024 10:31:44 AM Me

“Talk to Santa: ElevenLabs, a leader in AI voice generation, has launched a free service where you can “talk to Santa Claus.” While this is just for fun, it’s a way for you (and maybe your kids) to experience multimodal AI.”

Dec 16, 2024 10:34:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hahaha

Dec 16, 2024 12:42:47 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

I often forget to turn off do not disturb on my phone

Dec 16, 2024 12:42:59 PM (Read by you after 15 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

Seek your light

Dec 16, 2024 12:58:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

slowly getting there

Dec 16, 2024 1:30:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ve spent 3 or 4 days getting all my data right and into place.

Dec 16, 2024 1:31:04 PM Me

And I lost all my data

Dec 16, 2024 1:31:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

it was synced and deleted

Dec 16, 2024 1:31:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fuck

Dec 16, 2024 2:25:21 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 39 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

First scream 😱 Then Two choices redo it Ship it I vote for ship it! You can work on the redo after it’s live.

Dec 16, 2024 4:05:15 PM Me

I put it all back in. Done.

Dec 16, 2024 4:05:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.instagram.com/bert.forsale/

Dec 16, 2024 4:05:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Pinterest

Dec 16, 2024 4:05:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Dec 16, 2024 4:06:14 PM Me

products are done

Dec 16, 2024 4:06:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

now need some content on the homepage, and copy for the about page

Dec 16, 2024 4:06:38 PM Me

Have a dash from 5-7pm

Dec 16, 2024 4:06:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to make it live TONIGHT, likely after dashing.

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Dec 16, 2024 4:12:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dec 16, 2024 5:07:07 PM Me

I just got hit With a massive wave of depression and deep pit of my stomach sadness. For some reason the universe is highlighting the fact that I’m alone. It keeps putting things in my face that are triggering me about relationships.

Dec 16, 2024 7:52:46 PM Me

Done dashing and just back in basement. Im tired. Started dashing at 8am, coffee at Ozo, dash and back here. Im also feeling depressed. Triggered whenever in public, stokes it and just ☹️☹️☹️ all night long.

Dec 16, 2024 7:53:51 PM Me

May try to get the shopping cart tested. Also need to check mobile. Ill let you know when its online

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Dec 16, 2024 10:57:58 PM Me

Its online, but still needs testing

Dec 16, 2024 10:58:04 PM Me

Gnite

Dec 17, 2024 9:04:59 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

GM Site looks good - one error I found. Woo pay not functioning. See image.

Dec 17, 2024 9:05:11 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Dec 17, 2024 9:05:30 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

That’s on regular checkout

Dec 17, 2024 9:06:14 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

When you click buy with Woopay

Dec 17, 2024 9:20:24 AM Me

Yeah. Saw last night. Just up over here,

Dec 17, 2024 9:31:44 AM +13038752587

At work early today

Dec 17, 2024 9:36:58 AM Me

Cool, what time you done?

Dec 17, 2024 9:47:39 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 15 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

6

Dec 17, 2024 11:04:01 AM Me

cool. in my store setup travels thru websites I came across these guys. You and I could SO DO THIS. It would be more about managing workers, but the potential could scale. I know, I know another crazy idea…

Dec 17, 2024 11:46:17 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

Do you have a link to show me

Dec 17, 2024 12:02:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

not just yet. getting some css errors resolved.

Dec 17, 2024 12:02:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Should be in the next hour.

Dec 17, 2024 12:03:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Then going to shift to marketing focus once launched. Announce it on my existing social media sites (more than once) definintely going to be annouying )

Dec 17, 2024 3:25:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

JESUS

Dec 17, 2024 3:25:52 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

MARY

Dec 17, 2024 3:25:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

AND JOSEPH

Dec 17, 2024 3:26:39 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

what a PITA that was.

Dec 17, 2024 3:26:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have it working in sandbox mode!!!!

Dec 17, 2024 3:27:00 PM Me

I can now turn sandbox off and make money.

Dec 17, 2024 3:27:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

of course I’ll still need to update custom emails, and I have a mail service called mail poet that integrates with woo to setup funnel emails, new products, etc.

Dec 17, 2024 3:28:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Going to turn off sandbox and then go for a walk at the ponds, then in the basement for the night working on updates

Dec 17, 2024 10:49:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Hola. multiple payment gateways on and working. Using mailpoet and have setup email newsletter list for announcements. Tomorrow I link YT in and get the blog going.

Dec 17, 2024 10:49:23 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Bert.ForSale

Dec 17, 2024 10:49:45 PM Me

going to tweak that logotype as well.

Dec 18, 2024 9:37:18 AM Me

Gm

Dec 18, 2024 9:38:00 AM Me

I need to change that diaper color above. Shit dark tan

Dec 18, 2024 9:38:49 AM Me

A few tweaks and then marketing all day. BTW pricing

Dec 18, 2024 9:39:50 AM Me

45, 25, 7 Forget profit. Look at it like u really want a poster… Is 25 for a 12x18 poster too much $$

Dec 18, 2024 9:40:29 AM Me

Maybe 40, 20, 6 Just unsure. Im too close to it

Dec 18, 2024 9:43:53 AM Me

| I price lower, ppl will buy more than one. Especially postcards. I should do a set of all 6 for $30. Good profit margin I have an idea, I am create a Google spreadsheet with columns and put my base costs in for the different products then put a column for markup and then a column for total price and I could have a column for shipping base cost. I’ll share it with you so we can play with the numbers. This is where I get into an area of business I have a little 20 experience in. Pricing products so they sell
Edited 40 seconds later | I price lower, ppl will buy more than one. Especially postcards. I should do a set of all 6 for $30. Good profit margin I have an idea, I am create a Google spreadsheet with columns and put my base costs in for the different products then put a column for markup and then a column for total price and I could have a column for shipping base cost. I’ll share it with you so we can play with the numbers. This is where I get into an area of business I have a little to zero experience in. Pricing products so they sell

Dec 18, 2024 9:44:51 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Prices range in posters

Dec 18, 2024 9:45:05 AM (Read by you after 50 seconds) +13038752587

Who is the target market

Dec 18, 2024 9:49:47 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

39.99

Dec 18, 2024 9:50:13 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Set pricing is a good idea

Dec 18, 2024 9:54:04 AM Me

Price is framed vs unframed 45 v 25 Or 40 v 20

Dec 18, 2024 9:54:14 AM Me

Not a range

Dec 18, 2024 9:54:48 AM Me

Target is unkown at moment.

Dec 18, 2024 10:43:19 AM Me

what time you work today??

Dec 18, 2024 10:43:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

what time you working today??

Dec 18, 2024 10:45:36 AM (Read by you after 2 hours, 48 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

1130

Dec 18, 2024 3:54:02 PM Me

Until 6pm?

Dec 18, 2024 3:54:44 PM Me

At Spruce cafe. ❤️ their GF scones

Dec 18, 2024 3:57:32 PM Me

Did some adulting today. Emailed Liz about divorce. I have a suspended car registration. Got letter from DMV about it. Stuck there until I get insurance.

Dec 18, 2024 3:58:18 PM Me

Hopefully that can happen soon. They did give me a website to look for low rates and looking tonight.

Dec 18, 2024 3:58:40 PM Me

I’ll share update on website soon

Dec 18, 2024 5:00:23 PM Me

Ps. My self-doubt just reared its head. Getting literally body shivers of anxiety I’m unsure if it’s triggered by focusing on the divorce getting the DMV letter or stressing about car repossession. I guess if you add that onto everything I’m already dealing with being unemployed not in my own place and still trying to figure my life out

Dec 18, 2024 5:02:24 PM Me

The loneliness and social isolation, not being able to see my kids in person, Sometimes I realize how distracted I am from all this shit. When I just rounded it off and looked at it on screen it’s making me cry now Everything just feels so fucked up and so overwhelming it’s like you don’t even know where to fucking begin Trying to get shit sorted out And all of it is totally invisible to other people

Dec 19, 2024 9:58:24 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 3 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I just realized. You might want to talk to my friend Rob. His world got turned upside down when he got divorced. May have a different perspective to relate with you.

Dec 18, 2024 7:47:25 PM Me

U ok?

Dec 18, 2024 7:47:59 PM Me

Prob busy or dealing with 5 alarm fire.

Dec 18, 2024 7:49:03 PM Me

Working on videos Ive already recorded. Using a new video editing tool I read about from a YouTube creator. It will auto edit gaps out and automatically transcribe and put the words on the screen as you say them in the video. Gonna see how that goes with my videos and hoping it works

Dec 19, 2024 9:22:02 AM (Read by them after 13 minutes, 51 seconds) Me

hello?

Dec 19, 2024 9:58:24 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 3 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I just realized. You might want to talk to my friend Rob. His world got turned upside down when he got divorced. May have a different perspective to relate with you.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 19, 2024 10:00:14 AM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Busy morning/day. Kids events at school (last day before break). Meetings at work. Event at work. Plus running the shift. It’s a back and forth day.

Dec 19, 2024 10:26:06 AM Me

k. trying to push forward on site and stuff — but my brain isn’t cooperating. At coffee shop. Trying to complete and “about” page and other bits. Have my last JSC meeting of the year in one hour.

Dec 19, 2024 10:26:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Got notice from Capital One about car payment. 🙁

Dec 19, 2024 10:28:08 AM Me

— I feel like I’m doing everything wrong. this sux. I’m so fucking damaged from all this. Didn’t realize just how impacted my cognitive abilites have been affected by the DEPTH and DURATION of the headspace that I’ve been in for the whole year.

Dec 19, 2024 10:28:55 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— simply another day to push thru when you dont want to

Dec 19, 2024 10:29:47 AM Me

— just digs me deeper into the hole, and gets me closer to the dark side havent been stuck there since CA, but it has shown up, just not stuck around.

Dec 19, 2024 10:30:16 AM Me

“I feel a failure” - Bert

Dec 19, 2024 10:35:52 AM Me

Headspace is downer right now. The clouds have moved in and waiting to see what happens with brain weather the rest of the day. Either stays where I’m at, I feel better, or I feel worse. Have no control.

Dec 19, 2024 10:36:10 AM Me

lost access to spotify. cant pay.

Dec 19, 2024 10:43:30 AM (Read by them after 13 seconds) Me

Dec 19, 2024 10:43:45 AM Me

van gogh, sums it up nicely

Dec 19, 2024 1:26:00 PM Me

My phone service is up for renewal. Dont have $150. So heads up if u dont hear from me

Dec 19, 2024 1:33:21 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 43 seconds) +13038752587

When is it due

Dec 19, 2024 1:35:17 PM ⇲ Me

Today

Dec 19, 2024 1:33:40 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Have you been dashing

Dec 19, 2024 1:36:31 PM ⇲ Me

At 4pm. I wont have enough after tonight. Unless I launch site officially, then pound socials all night

Dec 19, 2024 1:35:17 PM ⇱ Me

Today
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 19, 2024 1:36:31 PM ⇱ Me

At 4pm. I wont have enough after tonight. Unless I launch site officially, then pound socials all night
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 19, 2024 1:38:25 PM Me

Then maybe. Not sure. I havent stopped working in over a week. Been working on website. Feeling imbalanced bigly Yesterday I was afraid to NOT be doing something with every waking minute.

Dec 19, 2024 1:39:04 PM Me

Im functional at the moment. But I am not well inside, but look fine from outside

Dec 19, 2024 1:45:01 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Call me now

Dec 19, 2024 1:45:28 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 7 seconds) +13038752587

I have a few minutes to talk give me a jingle

Dec 19, 2024 4:43:34 PM Me

Having a full blown panic attack. Hard to breathe and chest pressure. Just got email reply from Liz. Fuck fuck FUCK

Dec 19, 2024 4:44:40 PM Me

Crying my eyes out at starbucks waiting for an order

Dec 19, 2024 4:45:53 PM Me

Pushing it down Pushing on Have no other fucking choice than checking out. Sux

Dec 19, 2024 4:49:51 PM (Read by you after 48 seconds) +13038752587

Whats the deal with letter that has you in panic

Dec 19, 2024 4:52:17 PM ⇲ Me

It’s not the letter it’s everything all combined hits me all at once and fucking blows my mind

Dec 19, 2024 4:51:24 PM Me

It’s really embarrassing walking into Safeway with my eyes all fucking red and puffy

Dec 19, 2024 4:52:17 PM ⇱ Me

It’s not the letter it’s everything all combined hits me all at once and fucking blows my mind
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 19, 2024 4:52:28 PM Me

Email triggered it

Dec 19, 2024 4:53:14 PM Me

Not a good night But like I said I’ve got no time to take care of myself I’ve gotta keep on pushing

Dec 19, 2024 5:38:58 PM Me

Dissociation night

Dec 19, 2024 5:41:12 PM Me

Driving in silence and it feels like I’m in a movie like it isn’t real what I’m doing. I really fucking hate this. It’s worse when I know what it all is yet I can’t fucking stop it

Dec 19, 2024 7:38:11 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 32 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

Hang in there - at hotel until 10:30

Dec 19, 2024 9:11:00 PM Me

hey

Dec 20, 2024 8:39:46 AM Me

Hey. Brain is not in good place. Is it ever? Thinking I want to be alone on Christmas. Being around others will have me masking am Im simply tired of pretending everything’s fine and will sort itself out. I’ll be triggered all day long. Its been almost 2 years. This ends when I end. Simple as that. K, have a good friday. I dash tonight for dinner. Otherwise just taking up space and resources someone else could likely put to better use. ps. My self loathing is never ever going away. Ever.

Dec 20, 2024 9:33:10 AM Me

Ok. Sat with my shit. Now headed to fix the store, get vids on it and hit the socials and see if anything happens

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Dec 20, 2024 9:47:15 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

What did you find out about Mint monthly or shorter terms

Dec 20, 2024 9:56:07 AM Me

I looked but Id been going 12 hours non stop. I’ll look this am.

Dec 20, 2024 9:56:56 AM Me

| Making ppl pay for compressed air is fucked up. It air.
Edited 12 seconds later | Making ppl pay for compressed air is fucked up. Its air.

Dec 20, 2024 2:53:46 PM Me

Website online:

Dec 20, 2024 2:53:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert.ForSale

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Dec 20, 2024 6:22:15 PM Me

Only reason I can send this is Im on ur moms wifi. ☹️ Mint turned off just before 4pm. Couldnt dash ☹️ anyhow. Eating something and back to work on videos

Dec 20, 2024 7:12:56 PM (Read by you after 20 seconds) +13038752587

Contact mint - they have 3mo plans for existing customers

Dec 20, 2024 7:13:36 PM Me

But the deal I got is this payment plan. I’m not new

Dec 20, 2024 7:14:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

meaning I’m in a contract. Paying $150 is part of the deal and why i got 3 Montsh @ $5

Dec 20, 2024 7:14:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

$45

Dec 20, 2024 7:15:13 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 21 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

15 per month is there standard fee

Dec 20, 2024 7:16:10 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 20 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Did you contact customer support?

Dec 20, 2024 9:36:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇲ Me

no

Dec 20, 2024 9:36:53 PM ⇲ Me

pointless

Dec 20, 2024 9:36:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) ⇱ Me

no
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 20, 2024 9:36:53 PM ⇱ Me

pointless
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 20, 2024 9:41:04 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

done tweaking website for now. discovered half my videos had no audio. So that was fun. Did all this work and whoop de doo! Feeling a broke, alone, depressed, loser at the moment. Thing is I have that moment ALOT My head feels too fucked up to get myself out of where I am. Not even sure I could do a full time job. I’d be so fucking anxious…. Anyway my world isnt your problem. As of now I dont have cell phone service. I have 3 dashes tomorrow and then essentially nothing until after christmas. Have about $5 to my name. Spotify took their money. At least I can listen to music.

Dec 20, 2024 9:44:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, going to bed. my brain hurts alot. Way more than usual. Maybe I’ll have a brain hemmorage whilst sleeping. Then I wont have to deal with waking up into the same day over and over and over. Got hit with waves of intense emotions today when talking/thinking of Ideation times that literally took my breath away.

Dec 20, 2024 9:46:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One interesting observation. When I watch myself on video, I seem slow and soft spoken. No wonder I always feel like a glass door—invisible to others unless they walk into you I’m about as exciting as bacteria on a rock.

Dec 20, 2024 9:47:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Lots of effort this year. No fruit to show for it.

Dec 20, 2024 9:49:18 PM Me

— 2024 was easily WORST year of my 55 around the sun. Past 5 years are top 5 in my life. not sequential, but close. Only way it will be worse is to keep waking up. I pray the Lord, my soul to take Amen.

Dec 20, 2024 9:55:42 PM (Read by you after 11 hours, 21 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Let 2024 be just that. 2025 things shift. Sending you ❤️. Sleep well 😴

Dec 21, 2024 9:24:18 AM Me

Hey, thx. Just up (unfortunately) Navigating day and future with deficits everywhere. If things arent different by February…. I am done. I simply cannot live like this any longer. No one else has to be in my skin so u wouldnt understand. Its like a prison with no bars, and everything is just out of reach no matter wtf u do. Try hard, dont try, NOTHING changes.

Dec 21, 2024 9:26:12 AM Me

Supposed to dash all day. Could have made 70-80 today. Sux. Already missed morning run. Only thing I can do is work on my websites and pray I guess.

Dec 21, 2024 10:03:28 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Find a new phone provider with a start up deal. Switch to it. Get dashing. Some cash is better than none

Dec 21, 2024 9:29:54 AM Me

Dont even know what day it is or what day of the week because EVERY DAY IS EXACTLY THE SAME. “There is no love here…”

Dec 21, 2024 9:30:00 AM Me

Spotify

Dec 21, 2024 9:30:00 AM Me

My theme song.

Dec 21, 2024 9:36:25 AM Me

— If Im being honest with myself, Ive given up. Hard not to when u received HUNDREDS of rejections over 18 months and they keep coming. I thought I knew how to do things but apparently my prime time is a boat I missed long ago - thats the feeling. Looking back I made lots of mistakes because I was afraid of being alive. Now the feeling is Im too sad to be alive.

Dec 21, 2024 9:42:54 AM Me

— Ill ignore it all because I have to be here for others. Where the fuck does that leave me? My ENTIRE LIFE IVE DONE WHAT OTHERS FUCKING WANT FROM ME, ALWAYS!! Have to keep them happy so Im not rejected. Turns out Ive been living a life Im not sure I wanted. Thats what Im left with. I did life wrong.

Dec 21, 2024 9:43:37 AM Me

— Failure in its essence

Dec 21, 2024 9:44:30 AM Me

😭😭😭

Dec 21, 2024 9:46:57 AM Me

Wake up like this everyday and then proceed to be dissociated and numb all day to make it thru the day, all the while pretending I’m neurotypical and “why dont i have a job like normal people?” Maybe because Im not normal, hasnt that been established already?

Dec 21, 2024 9:47:48 AM Me

Ok, time to go spend the whole day in my head alone stressing about money all fucking day long

Dec 21, 2024 9:48:27 AM Me

At some point one of these texts will be my last

Dec 21, 2024 10:03:28 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 15 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Find a new phone provider with a start up deal. Switch to it. Get dashing. Some cash is better than none
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 21, 2024 10:12:06 AM Me

I cant, credit rating

Dec 21, 2024 10:12:29 AM Me

Cant get a new account when youre defaulting on everyone

Dec 21, 2024 10:14:18 AM Me

Going back to bed. Nothing to do, and better off away from ppl

Dec 21, 2024 10:57:54 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 47 seconds) +13038752587

Call mint and see about a payment plan

Dec 21, 2024 4:07:08 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Just spent my day so far doing laundry and cleaning up my mess in your moms basement. Been at coffee shop past 4 hours prepping Divorce files for Elizabeth. Emailed her this week to see if we could email files instead of mailing and she agreed. So had to do 4 multi page PDFs Income, property and withholdings declarations. It was long and drawn out, but its done. Have to file a doc with the court now letting them know I sent her the docs.

Dec 21, 2024 4:07:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

been a real shit winter soltice

Dec 21, 2024 4:12:11 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Do you want need an extra set of eyes on legal docs?

Dec 21, 2024 4:14:11 PM Me

no, already sent them

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Dec 21, 2024 4:14:18 PM Me

not much to declare

Dec 21, 2024 4:14:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I own nothing, and have no assets, just debt.

Dec 21, 2024 4:16:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

she’s the one that will financially lose in this scenario. And she made clear to me that she does NOT want to go to court for the first meeting in February. She said she thinks we can come to some agreement, which is fine with me. I asked in my last email if she was thinking we’re heading to court because I wanted to figure out how to get to the courtroom and be there. I was glad to read her reply.

Dec 21, 2024 4:17:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

So, I’m hopeful the two of us can figure it out. I’m, not going to be a PITA. I simply want closure on SOMETHING!

Dec 21, 2024 4:19:42 PM Me

getting divorce, unemployment, and homelessness behind me is ideal. However I’m skeptical for obvious reasons. I find myself feeling exceedingly “guarded” because I’ve been hurt enough.

Dec 21, 2024 4:21:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

also today… non stop tension headache across the occipital area on back of the neck. Still at coffee shop and will close it down at 5. Coffee shops are the only places I go besides the basement and doordashing. Anyhow I’ll shut up now

Dec 21, 2024 5:35:57 PM Me

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Dec 21, 2024 6:32:51 PM Me

Right 🤣🤣

Dec 21, 2024 6:33:54 PM Me

— Did a meditation. Im physically less tense but body is holding on to alot

Dec 21, 2024 6:34:02 PM Me

The body keeps the score

Dec 21, 2024 6:34:23 PM Me

More than just a book title, its truth

Dec 21, 2024 6:35:00 PM Me

End of year blog posts are coming out now

Dec 21, 2024 8:15:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ketamine treatment in Colorado:

Dec 21, 2024 8:15:07 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.nomatherapy.com/get-started

Dec 21, 2024 9:12:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dec 22, 2024 10:21:35 AM Me

— Hey

Dec 22, 2024 10:21:42 AM Me

Just woke up

Dec 22, 2024 10:22:38 AM +13038752587

Good morning- let’s get you phone service

Dec 22, 2024 10:23:09 AM +13038752587

Contact mint and see about 3 month installments

Dec 22, 2024 10:58:37 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Thats what it is now

Dec 22, 2024 10:59:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I go to a different data tier = LESS data I can renew for this much for 3 mos of service. Can’t break that payment up more. If i had money this whole escapade is a non issue.

Dec 22, 2024 10:59:56 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Have I told you how belittling this experience is?

Dec 22, 2024 11:00:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

It triggers all the bad feels of worthlessness

Dec 22, 2024 11:00:25 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

“dude can’t even scrape $100 together”

Dec 22, 2024 11:00:49 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

\

Dec 22, 2024 11:00:57 AM Me

$50 ish less

Dec 22, 2024 11:01:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I’ll get HALF the data I normally use

Dec 22, 2024 11:01:41 AM Me

I average 10 GB a month. Mostly map data

Dec 22, 2024 11:30:47 AM (Read by you after 17 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

114 for 3 months Or 150 for 12 months?

Dec 22, 2024 11:48:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

114 for 3 months 150 for 3 months Different data amounts per month

Dec 22, 2024 11:51:19 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— depression is awful sitting in the basement all day. no resources to go do anything fun or homies to hang with maybe colorado wasnt a good idea? So far I’ve only felt worse or the same. not sure how much longer I can take this

Dec 22, 2024 11:52:03 AM Me

I’ve been more isolated and alone since being here. sux.

Dec 22, 2024 11:53:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And its not like I’m in an outgoing positive mindset ready to go out and meet new people. Just not my style even if I wasn’t feel depressed.

Dec 22, 2024 11:55:05 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Besides even if money were to fall in my lap today — its not like my depression is going to magically go away. I’ll feel less stress for sure, but depression will still be here. Its not going away, ever.

Dec 22, 2024 12:14:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

__ Today I’ll sit in the basement all day and meditate on accepting that this is what my life is

Dec 22, 2024 12:15:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Just spent the past 20 mins unloading frustration, explatives, and tears on your mom. She was coming by to say bye as she’s heading out with Tree and Don to the play in Denver and then to a nice dinner. So I’m here at your mom’s alone all day now.

Dec 22, 2024 12:15:52 PM Me

I apologiezed for losing my shit.

Dec 22, 2024 12:18:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

She came down and asked me how I was doing. I started to share and it snowballed until I couldn’t stop articulating all the things I keep repeating and looping day after day. I’m simply fed up with not being able to live, and not just be alive. I’ve been alive and not living for 6 years now—mid - 2018 I was massively depressed after Nat’s passing and Liz never grieved with me at all. I never saw her cry over her fathers death. That was the real beginning of hard disconnect for me with her.

Dec 22, 2024 12:20:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Said to ur mom, if I had the resources/money I would have bought one of those Ketamine kits online and done the protocols on my own and be done with this shit — or at least have some fucking relief for a while.

Dec 22, 2024 12:22:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— People numb themselves so they dont have to feel like I do right now. I have suffered hard pretty much every day of this past week. I’ve been distrating myself with the website and artwork.

Dec 22, 2024 12:23:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, I’m simply tired of being alive and not being able to live or enjoy anything, even a cup of coffee

Dec 22, 2024 12:24:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If Santa can bring me a ketamine kit that would be great.

Dec 22, 2024 11:23:37 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 17 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Does the Colorado one you sent have in person sessions?

Dec 22, 2024 11:26:11 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 15 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Just read everything. Glad you got out for a walk today. Let’s chat tomorrow evening.

Dec 23, 2024 2:08:39 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Bumping this up

Dec 23, 2024 2:17:39 PM ⇲ Me

Even if I find the perfect scenario in Longmont to have access to this it won’t happen for weeks or longer. Back to unconsciousness Now I know why depressed people like to stay in bed and sleep. It’s the closest thing to being dead and not being conscious and having to sit in the darkness all day all night over and over and over and over again. Plus I don’t see everyone enjoying their lives and rubbing it in my face

Dec 22, 2024 12:42:37 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

— just sent this to my mom and brother and excluded my dad because I ripped on him…. --- — Not really. Sitting in the basement. Haven’t been outside. Too depressed and besides I dont have any resources or friends here to have any fun, or even just go do something. I only know 7 people in this state, 4 of whom live 3+ hours away by car on the other side of the Rockies. Seen Darrell once since I’ve been here, going on 2 months now. I was FAR LESS isolated in CA. I knew ppl and could see the boys in person, and had the ocean to be with when things were off. I have no contemporaries to hang with and ppl my age arent out making new friends. Besides I’m an introvert and last thing I want to do is inject myself on to people. So, big picture I’m not well, haven’t been well in over 5 years, and I’m in a place where the feeling is going backwards or stagnant. I’m fully aware of what my brain is doing, but have no ability to stop it or change it. The biggest frustration is to know that I was capable of SO MUCH MORE than my life has produced. I got into college and thru it in 4 years with 2 degrees — all the while depressed and not knowing it. It simply sux to know that the illness stopped me from reaching full potential. Fear and being afraid of the world and people stopped me. I never learned to not be anxious and on edge. Not to be worried about what’s coming or what happened. My brain was NEVER in the present moment. It was always worried about what was coming or going to happen and planning counter moves to not get in trouble or get hurt. All I can remember growing up is avoiding being punished. #1 priority, dont make dad mad or you’re done for. Ruled my life. I remember asking Mom how long until dad got home from work so I would know how long I had. I had to have the full set of personal radar and sonar going so as to not cause ONE RIPPLE of trouble in the Mahoney pond, or there would be fire, brimstone and hell to pay. Whenever dad was around I was anxious and worried from as far back as there are memories.

Dec 22, 2024 12:43:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

BTW, dont read anything into only seeing you once — they have no idea and think I hangout with you constantly. Giving them context.

Dec 22, 2024 11:23:37 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 17 minutes, 36 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Does the Colorado one you sent have in person sessions?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 22, 2024 11:26:11 PM (Read by you after 9 hours, 15 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Just read everything. Glad you got out for a walk today. Let’s chat tomorrow evening.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 23, 2024 9:08:57 AM Me

Morning (cuz not good 4 me) another day isolated in the basement. No resources to go get a coffee somewhere and use wifi. So in the basement. How fitting. Anyway. Have no idea why going online. Have no idea why Im doing anything honestly. Ur moms been talking about dinners and celebrations and honestly dont know if I can force myself to do it. It will be perpetually triggering the entire experience. I’ll only be thinking about not being able to see the boys. Havent seen them in person on holidays in years now, sucks. Didnt even get them a gift for couple years now. no xmas or birthday presents since 2022 🥺 Feel like a shit father ☹️ K, now to begin the push thru another groundhog day.

Dec 23, 2024 9:21:37 AM Me

- Not having $4 to get out of basement and go to anywhere for wifi and coffee hurts hard. The last thing that still let me pretend I was still part of this world, and I was out among people. I could daydream about not feeling this way, and get alot done on computer. In this basement I stare at the floor and walls alot and click out. Basically comatose. Sometimes feels like I should be in a mental institution, and Im no good for anyone. Anyway, ill stop now. U know this goes on in my head all day every day. U dont need a reminder 🙂 Have a great day with the family! Fun time of year when u have little kids.

Dec 23, 2024 9:44:00 AM Me

— Going back to bed and sleep Nothing in this day for me

Dec 23, 2024 9:45:26 AM Me

Sat around miserable all day. Not doing that again so I’ll unplug from this reality and sleep the day away, and maybe the rest of the week. Fucking hate this

Dec 23, 2024 1:30:43 PM Me

Just woke up and going back to sleep Be conscious sucks

Dec 23, 2024 2:08:39 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 40 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Bumping this up
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 23, 2024 2:17:39 PM ⇱ Me

Even if I find the perfect scenario in Longmont to have access to this it won’t happen for weeks or longer. Back to unconsciousness Now I know why depressed people like to stay in bed and sleep. It’s the closest thing to being dead and not being conscious and having to sit in the darkness all day all night over and over and over and over again. Plus I don’t see everyone enjoying their lives and rubbing it in my face
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 23, 2024 2:23:09 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 9 seconds) +13038752587

Search for one please / see what the options are?

Dec 23, 2024 3:20:53 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

dont know why I looked but got an email back from Liz. She seems pretty mad. I don’t know what to do? I guess I go to court? She should have worked things out with me if all this was that important. I dont know how I will do it, but I will show up in court and will be happy to let the judge know how I’ve been living. The law in CA says I should be provided “living standard to which I am accustomed” which is a gated community. Anyway, just the kind of email I needed to read. here it is —

Dec 23, 2024 3:20:56 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

I got your forms. I make nowhere near the amount of money you estimate. I make no money on the art. business. My two times at Art in the Park, any money I made paid for the space fees and the prints I sold. I may have actually lost money. I ride when I can to help pay Darragh's tuition. The tax return money from 2 years ago (or whatever year that was) never came to me. It was taken from the Feds to pay the back taxes owed that we had been paying installments on. The couch and chair are about worthless; you could maybe get 300 for both. I just did the estate sale at my mom's place, and used furniture has no value. The Cullen Roberson is not worth what. you listed. I will send it to you if you want it. -- Liz

Dec 23, 2024 3:21:15 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 17 seconds) Me

- Notice no “Hi” or anything.

Dec 23, 2024 3:44:05 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 21 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

You hear her. I just read the words. Seems to be a list of statements. Don’t feel any emotion in it.

Dec 23, 2024 5:06:09 PM ⇲ Me

Meaning u dont? Or I shouldnt?

Dec 23, 2024 4:51:45 PM Me

-back from walking. Not much help. In my head whole time, digging a deeper hole. Crying and wiping tears as other people walk by. Feel like I missed a train or a message somewhere. Liz's email has an attitude that I'm going to ask be stopped. Its triggering because she knows Im guessing at values, wtf? Thought crossed my mind that if I see the weekend it will truly be a Christmas miracle 🎅🏻 After I look for the treatment locally Im going back to bed. I want to stay in bed thru holiday. Being awake will hurt too much

Dec 23, 2024 5:01:35 PM Me

— Actually tomorrow Ill spend the day cleaning the car in preparation for the Repo Man. $700+ payment due tommorrow. I dont have enough to buy a single cup of plain coffee outside.

Dec 23, 2024 5:06:09 PM ⇱ Me

Meaning u dont? Or I shouldnt?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 23, 2024 5:18:59 PM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

Found 3 facilities that do in-person ketamine treatments. One does IV and has higher success rates because they tailor to the case, not a blanket approach which is what at home therapy is like.

Dec 23, 2024 5:19:30 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

One is in Longmont on Main One is in Niwot One in Boulder (does IV)

Dec 23, 2024 5:19:52 PM Me

This is the longmont location:

Dec 23, 2024 5:19:53 PM (Read by them after 12 seconds) Me

Klarisana

Dec 23, 2024 5:20:13 PM (Read by them after 11 seconds) Me

This is the Niwot location

Dec 23, 2024 5:20:17 PM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

Amavi Integrative Mental Wellness

Dec 23, 2024 5:21:50 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

This is the third. Their name says Boulder but they’re actually in FT Collins

Dec 23, 2024 5:21:51 PM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

Boulder Mind Care

Dec 23, 2024 5:31:06 PM (Read by them after 43 seconds) Me

got it in an email just now

Dec 23, 2024 6:17:27 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Is that your car

Dec 23, 2024 5:33:15 PM (Read by them after 48 seconds) Me

And I’m late on storage payment for December and will owe January in a week. 🙁 — Its like the last pieces of things I have are going to go away too. The universe is deciding to strip me of everything

Dec 23, 2024 5:35:50 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

How much is storage?

Dec 23, 2024 6:10:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dec 23, 2024 6:17:27 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 43 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Is that your car
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 23, 2024 6:22:19 PM Me

yeah

Dec 23, 2024 6:39:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— this has been a thoroughly awful day and not looking forward to the rest of this week I find myself a nuisance and an inconvenience more negative than imaginable not fit for purpose a stain on the earth a leech at my best a pita at my worst — that’s the vibe here

Dec 23, 2024 8:18:23 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dec 24, 2024 10:24:14 AM (Read by you after 25 minutes, 28 seconds) +13038752587

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Dec 24, 2024 10:50:18 AM Me

U working today?

Dec 24, 2024 10:55:01 AM +13038752587

Going in at 12

Dec 24, 2024 10:56:39 AM Me

Just finished 40min meditation. Was good. Working on seo and marketing. Asked AI to help create a social media marketing plan focused on specific platform’s. I got schedule, what content to post, title and tag suggestions, for 3 platforms over a 2 week period. The initial “hey Im over here” campaign. Measure what performed best on each platform using UTM codes and GoogleAnalytics. Make each one a “staple” format. Put new content in same layout/format, seo tuning, etc. utm measure, repeat. Figure after 2-3 months of that I’ll have an idea of what works for a start.

Dec 24, 2024 10:57:49 AM Me

Dinner with Tree and Don later. If ur not working we could FaceTime. Would be fun to see the girls before they get things ready for Santa. 🎅🏻

Dec 24, 2024 10:58:18 AM Me

Imagine u have good energy and vibes in the house.

Dec 24, 2024 10:58:32 AM Me

K going online.

Dec 24, 2024 11:05:37 AM Me

🤣

Dec 24, 2024 11:32:15 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

Dec 24, 2024 11:32:30 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

good examples-real examples

Dec 24, 2024 11:32:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

like this guys vids

Dec 24, 2024 11:46:59 AM Me

YouTube

Dec 24, 2024 12:19:42 PM (Read by you after 20 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Can you FaceTime

Dec 24, 2024 1:01:46 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Lost your signal

Dec 24, 2024 1:01:52 PM Me

breaking up

Dec 24, 2024 1:02:01 PM Me

lost you totally

Dec 24, 2024 1:02:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

go to work.

Dec 24, 2024 1:02:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

we’ll try to heads up. When tree and Don get here later for dinner we can facetime you for 5 mins.

Dec 24, 2024 2:58:01 PM Me

-- Despite feeling a bit more positive I'm still holding on to incredible stress. Got a letter from Capital One about the car. Why? Why do I need more problems that I cant deal with because I have no resources

Dec 24, 2024 2:59:24 PM Me

Dec 24, 2024 3:00:04 PM Me

Sucks not to even have that. Havent been anywhere but the basement and golden ponds

Dec 24, 2024 3:01:27 PM Me

— Its as if I have some kind of curse that keeps money away. So weird

Dec 24, 2024 10:05:05 PM Me

— Hi, hope all is well. Had a nice dinner here. Heading to bed. As much as I try not to go there I’m feeling alone and sad Somehow, Im not sure if I want to keep going, as in rejection. I’ve had more rejection this year than any other in my life. Jenicas rejection of me being a knife in the heart that has made me want to stay reclusive. Not sure I can fall for someone like that and get dropped so abruptly again. And not sure I even want to risk it anymore. Ive become hardened feom this experience in ways Im only beginning to discover. I can say unequivocally that I am fed up with being alive. It has nice qualities, but the tradeoff vs the dark side doesnt work for me. My existence is intolerable in my present state. Not a matter of if, but when suicidal ideation comes back like it was hanging out all day yesterday, I may not be able to keep the allure of being free from the persistent, intense, call of my end at bay. The day after tomorrow, my car payment, storage payment are still due. I could give a shit about phone service when the idea of losing everything of value I have in my life could be sold off at auction. I’m close to the edge I’m trying not to lose my head Its like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under

Dec 24, 2024 10:19:28 PM Me

— goodnight going to sleep with a wet pillow from all the crying the suffering is hard Hurts deep And Im trying my damndest to let go of the attachment but its core to the heart. And thats when my toes creep over the edge and I stare into the depths of the abyss of darkness. Sucks to be in the dark space in Christmas Eve, but I know whats waiting on the other side of Christmas… Alot of shit I dont have the energy to deal with I never wanted this life I have right now. Im still unsure I want it Its going to be a fucking BITCH to get back to operating at a level where I can deal. I’m looking ahead at more years of this. I didnt sign up for this and dont want it. I still feel that if Im done and want off the ride that should be my choice. Having me sit around existing in misery, alive but not living. Everyones happy I’m alive except the guy who’s having to live something he doesnt want to make everyone else happy. THATS BEEN THE PROBLEM MY WHOLE LIFE PUTTING OTHERS NEEDS BEFORE MINE THATS EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS PLAIN AND GOD DAMN SIMPLE So I’m supposed to evolve while still holding on to this people pleasing bullshit?!? Cant have it both ways. So, I’ll live another 365 days of misery. Didnt I just get done doing that 3 years in a fucking row?!? Yep. Fuck this existence like the cunt it is.

Dec 24, 2024 10:51:12 PM Me

Last bit. Im unexcited about a new year TBH. More of the same shit is my bet. Over 1,000 days, its going to take something massive to change that streak. I’ll be over 1400 days of this by next year. When is enuf enough?

Dec 25, 2024 9:22:21 AM Me

— Morning. Imagine its bedlam at your house. Quieter than an empty church over here. Weird morning. Struggling. Sent boys a short christmas greeting on video and lost it a bit at the end. It just hurts deep. Even tho theyre older, I still want to be with them this time of year and Ive not been able to do that for years now and it sucks hard. Anyhow soak in the kids excitement and have a fun day

Dec 25, 2024 9:22:59 AM Me

(Merry) Christmas. 🙂

Dec 25, 2024 10:17:30 AM Me

🤣🤣

Dec 25, 2024 1:36:31 PM Me

YouTube

Dec 25, 2024 8:39:14 PM Me

That youtube clip really hit me. Seeing all those ppl who I knew had depression, and see them laughing. I know that feeling, I know exactly where their heads are. And theyre right. Its farfar worse and more intense when alone. Nothing to distract you that’s out of your control

Dec 25, 2024 8:42:08 PM Me

I’m feeling very stressed about storage and the car. 🫣 Im going to start pushing and promoting the new website full blast tomorrow. Im hoping to see a few sales happen, need to sell about 13-15 posters to pay storage. And about 70-80 to pay for the car.

Dec 25, 2024 8:43:26 PM Me

Right now Im having a small panic attack and Im kinda tweaked so not sure I can go to bed ☹️

Dec 25, 2024 8:44:44 PM Me

— Simply impossible to feel relaxed in any form

Dec 25, 2024 11:17:31 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 1 minute, 15 seconds) +13038752587

I hope you were able to get to sleep.

Dec 25, 2024 11:17:40 PM (Read by you after 10 hours, 1 minute, 6 seconds) +13038752587

I’ll watch clip tomorrow

Dec 26, 2024 9:19:40 AM Me

I have message blocking

Dec 26, 2024 9:20:32 AM Me

Gm Message blocking has stopped lots of texts going thru. Anyway

Dec 26, 2024 9:22:14 AM Me

Im not resting. Headed to coffee shop shortly to put more hours into bertforsale and the mental health push on social media today and all week thru New Years.

Dec 26, 2024 9:22:44 AM Me

See if I can make any money if someone comes and visits

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Dec 26, 2024 12:16:45 PM Me

Just saw this. U know about it?

Dec 26, 2024 1:02:15 PM (Read by you after 22 minutes) +13038752587

No - but like it. Similar to an idea I I had

Dec 26, 2024 1:24:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

not a bad deal if you might be like me, in here often, would save money over one month of savings

Dec 26, 2024 1:25:06 PM Me

min $4 refill coffee visit]

Dec 26, 2024 3:46:21 PM Me

My newly updated branding. Less childish and halloween

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Dec 26, 2024 6:52:04 PM Me

In my horoscope today.

Dec 26, 2024 6:53:39 PM Me

And was reminded of this

Dec 26, 2024 8:12:12 PM Me

This came from universe today as well

Dec 27, 2024 10:37:36 AM Me

gm. its friday. and worried about car. I’m going to be incredibly sad to lose my car. I’ve gone thru alot with the car and I’m psychologically and emotionally attached to it. It’s my “boat” or vessel that kept me afloat for a year on california. It will hit me very, very hard. Have no idea how triggered the depression I’ll be, but I’ve not feared something like this since fearing I was getting a divorce. Anyhow, it may be a new year, but I have new bullshit to deal with. Have to start me year out from a place even lower than last year.

Dec 27, 2024 10:37:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

WTAF?

Dec 27, 2024 10:38:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, going to stare a the computer and spend all day on socials pushing out the website after I make new poster and postcard bundles.

Dec 27, 2024 10:55:08 AM (Read by you after 16 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Start marketing full force. Do not spend time making bundles

Dec 27, 2024 10:57:32 AM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Make a tictoc video for each poster. See what music is trending and add that to your post. Be informative, entertaining and shocking

Dec 27, 2024 11:02:03 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Dec 27, 2024 11:02:03 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Dec 27, 2024 11:12:21 AM Me

Time Im getting online today. Recorded lots of Audio and video yesterday about first two works of art.

Dec 27, 2024 11:13:25 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Are they posted

Dec 27, 2024 11:19:35 AM Me

Going to look them over once and start publishing on the blog, etc.

Dec 27, 2024 11:22:15 AM Me

Doing social media automation setup for as cheap as possible until the site can maybe pay for some subscription upgrades. Consulting AI alot Asking for options when facing lots of choices so Im not blindsided by unknown unknowns 🙏📿

Dec 27, 2024 11:25:22 AM Me

— ? 4 U When y’all headed over to Barrys and Sarahs brother? Ur mom was ballparking ur arrival. LOTS of variables I lived it - i get it. Especially holidays. Ur moms unsure if y’all get here sunday nite, Or Monday morning. Lmk when ya can

Dec 27, 2024 11:36:27 AM Me

Know that I know the barrell of monkeys the holidays are with kids ur age. Peak kid Peak joy Peak thats not fair! Peak cry & whine 🤣🤣🤣 Liverpool football clubs famous lyric says it all, You Never Walk Alone #ynwa

Dec 27, 2024 11:36:28 AM Me

YouTube

Dec 27, 2024 12:56:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Hey FYI, I just asked my uncle dave if he can help me make a 730.00 car payment by email. hoping….

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Dec 27, 2024 12:56:32 PM Me

k, now back to the bert.forsale already in progress.

Dec 27, 2024 12:58:05 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dec 27, 2024 3:51:27 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Using Klaviyo for CMS.

Dec 27, 2024 3:51:27 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

have SMS integration as well as email

Dec 27, 2024 8:59:41 PM Me

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Dec 27, 2024 9:00:40 PM Me

R u sour? 🥒☹️

Dec 27, 2024 9:00:45 PM Me

🤣

Dec 27, 2024 9:02:00 PM Me

Having some dinner. Taking break for 30 mins and back at it. Should have it all setup soon

Dec 27, 2024 9:02:32 PM Me

Waiting for WP dot com support reply

Dec 28, 2024 12:58:34 AM (Read by them after 9 seconds) Me

This is all set, ready for me to upload videos. Custom banner and icons and everathing.

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Dec 28, 2024 12:58:36 AM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

YouTube

Dec 28, 2024 1:30:50 AM (Read by you after 9 hours, 28 minutes, 18 seconds) +13038752587

Just got home - going to bed.

Dec 28, 2024 11:03:15 AM Me

Wow

Dec 28, 2024 11:03:18 AM Me

1/30

Dec 28, 2024 11:03:23 AM Me

U up?

Dec 28, 2024 11:04:00 AM +13038752587

Getting in the road. Been up and about since 7:45

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Dec 28, 2024 11:07:59 AM Me

Safe travels

Dec 28, 2024 3:29:19 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Inside Buffer, setting up Social Posting Management.

Dec 28, 2024 3:29:34 PM Me

All my socials to start with are up and running.

Dec 28, 2024 3:46:44 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

I dont have money. Irony is, in maybe a week or two I might have it from selling art. I have NO IDEA. REALLY SUCKS. They will only listen to money and payments immediately. Not promises of payments. If I call I have to be ready to drop $700+ Universe is taking it all away. Guess I need to spend tomorrow cleaning out car and vacuuming it out. Asked my uncle dave for help to see if he can help on the $700 payment but havent heard back. Dont know what else to do.

Dec 28, 2024 3:46:53 PM Me

k, going to pack up computer

Dec 28, 2024 3:47:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

go walk around the ponds and mourn the loss of Matilda. That car did SO MUCH for me.

Dec 28, 2024 3:47:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Its a MONSTER TRIGGER to lose the car—truly.

Dec 28, 2024 3:47:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, gotta deal

Dec 28, 2024 4:31:56 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 13 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

Question - will you go get any job and I mean any job to be able to keep your car?

Dec 28, 2024 10:28:57 PM Me

I would. However, it exposes me to very high risk triggers that make my illness far worse. I can likely push thru it as ive done all my life. But paradoxically doing that all my life brought me here. Ouroboros the question, to me, becomes this. Your life Vs Your Car. while knowingly putting my mental wellbeing and life in a risk pool. Im laying out my logic naked for you. Typing as I think it.

Dec 29, 2024 10:10:11 AM Me

GM weird morning

Dec 29, 2024 11:12:18 AM Me

How goes it?

Dec 29, 2024 11:43:50 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes) +13038752587

Good so far. Attempting not to work

Dec 29, 2024 11:44:16 AM (Read by you after 1 hour, 13 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Getting texts and calls. They can wait

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Dec 29, 2024 12:59:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Keep it that way. If you answer, you only REINFORCE the subconscious commons knowledge… Darrell will ALWAYS answer.

Dec 29, 2024 1:00:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Guess what? If you stop answering, when you’re not working…. they’ll find a way, a person, or a solution that is NOT you.

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Dec 29, 2024 1:00:15 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

put you and the family first

Dec 29, 2024 1:02:20 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Instead of always teaching them the answers Teach them that you have boundaries that are non-negotiable. Guess What? Ppl go, “Oh, ok no prob” and their brain starts working on another way that doesnt involve you

Dec 29, 2024 1:02:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Took me 40 years to learn that and finally have

Dec 29, 2024 1:05:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

—— non sequitor I’m contacting Capital One tonight to arrange a time for them to pickup the car.

Dec 29, 2024 4:25:50 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ask what your options are before giving the car back

Dec 29, 2024 5:53:44 PM ⇲ Me

Ok. Going to reach out after shower. Just got back to basement

Dec 29, 2024 1:05:21 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

😞 😟 🥺

Dec 29, 2024 1:06:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Likely lose my shit in ojai too. All my most valuable shit is back there. Left it because I figured I’d not be where I am an already found a way to uhaul my shit back here

Dec 29, 2024 1:08:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

grandfathers banjo I had restored. my entire art collecion of personal 30+ year old painting from my senior x. Lots of working technology Basically all my cool shit.

Dec 29, 2024 1:09:07 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Is the universe taking the car and that away? Feel like I should just strip naked and start from there? WTAF?!?!? simply annoyed and upset

Dec 29, 2024 4:21:09 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

This is not the universe, it was your decisions. You are not the victim of some great conspiracy against Bert. No doubt life has been hard lately. It’s time to take back control and get professional help. I will be researching the options you sent and we will get you into one of them. Cars come and go. Money comes and goes.

Dec 29, 2024 5:46:21 PM ⇲ Me

The universe lines everything up If it doesnt happen Universe lines it up again.

Dec 29, 2024 5:47:52 PM ⇲ Me

Please let me take part in decision making for care. Not a kid. If I dont vibe it will present more internal work.

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Dec 29, 2024 5:49:50 PM ⇲ Me

I know that about cars and money. I can detach if I have awareness. Its not simple or effortless, not yet.

Dec 29, 2024 5:54:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

“We” intentional put there meaning you and me

Dec 29, 2024 5:57:01 PM ⇲ Me

Thought u meant parental units

Dec 29, 2024 1:11:06 PM Me

this just makes my whole life take even longer to get back on track. -- I was at basecamp 4 looking for a way to make a push for the summit. Now its as if I’m back at basecamp one, feeling frustrated.

Dec 29, 2024 4:23:06 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 52 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

| I believe you are know at basecamp 4. The detachment from things is an amazing feat. You are primed to make the final ascent unencumbered.
Edited 14 seconds later | I believe you are now at basecamp 4. The detachment from things is an amazing feat. You are primed to make the final ascent unencumbered.

Dec 29, 2024 5:53:00 PM ⇲ Me

honestly there have been quark length moments of feeling as if nothings attached. I have so many outside instabilities: money, work my brain can handle,, a very small place on my own.

Dec 29, 2024 1:11:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my life keeps going backwards

Dec 29, 2024 3:39:59 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Bert.ForSale

Dec 29, 2024 3:40:06 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Ready to take everyones money

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Dec 29, 2024 3:40:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Videos are coming after I go walk around the ponds. Been gray here, like NY 🙁 With my car and storage unit stress I’m not doing ok today

Dec 29, 2024 3:49:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Dec 29, 2024 3:50:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dec 29, 2024 4:21:09 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 20 minutes, 49 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

This is not the universe, it was your decisions. You are not the victim of some great conspiracy against Bert. No doubt life has been hard lately. It’s time to take back control and get professional help. I will be researching the options you sent and we will get you into one of them. Cars come and go. Money comes and goes.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 4:23:06 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 18 minutes, 52 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

| I believe you are know at basecamp 4. The detachment from things is an amazing feat. You are primed to make the final ascent unencumbered.
Edited 14 seconds later | I believe you are now at basecamp 4. The detachment from things is an amazing feat. You are primed to make the final ascent unencumbered.

This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 4:25:50 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 16 minutes, 8 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ask what your options are before giving the car back
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 5:46:21 PM ⇱ Me

The universe lines everything up If it doesnt happen Universe lines it up again.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 5:47:52 PM ⇱ Me

Please let me take part in decision making for care. Not a kid. If I dont vibe it will present more internal work.

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This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 5:49:50 PM ⇱ Me

I know that about cars and money. I can detach if I have awareness. Its not simple or effortless, not yet.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 5:53:00 PM ⇱ Me

honestly there have been quark length moments of feeling as if nothings attached. I have so many outside instabilities: money, work my brain can handle,, a very small place on my own.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 5:53:44 PM ⇱ Me

Ok. Going to reach out after shower. Just got back to basement
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 5:54:47 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

“We” intentional put there meaning you and me
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 5:57:01 PM ⇱ Me

Thought u meant parental units
This message responded to an earlier message.

Dec 29, 2024 5:57:51 PM Me

Love my parents But not a kid. Likely a grandpa if im around a bit longer

Dec 29, 2024 6:01:14 PM Me

K showing. Back online Have 3 vids edited and uploaded to YouTube. Need to submit good seo meta data, and publish. Then embed into website inn proper places.

Dec 29, 2024 6:01:32 PM Me

I have origin story audio recorded for all artwork. Will publish that tonight on site.

Dec 29, 2024 6:02:17 PM Me

Also setting up 2 campaigns in Buffer with bitly links. They’ll go out before bed

Dec 29, 2024 6:02:59 PM Me

Having to build every damn thing Because its all “first time”

Dec 29, 2024 6:03:21 PM +13038752587

Awesome

Dec 29, 2024 6:03:25 PM Me

Hopefully next work i publish i can document

Dec 29, 2024 6:03:38 PM Me

Then gets systems in place

Dec 29, 2024 6:03:52 PM Me

Automate much as I can.

Dec 29, 2024 6:04:38 PM Me

Notion has true automation built in and repeatable tasks Plus AI baked in to help now

Dec 29, 2024 6:05:34 PM Me

Bert.ForSale

Dec 29, 2024 6:06:00 PM Me

U can see seo influence on site title

Dec 29, 2024 6:07:50 PM Me

copy link and share away Particularly Ppl unknow who either work in the field, or deal w/it themselves like me.

Dec 29, 2024 6:15:20 PM Me

1000% Odd logic 🖖

Dec 30, 2024 9:54:03 AM Me

— Gm When u in longmont?

Dec 30, 2024 9:57:23 AM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Around 1

Dec 31, 2024 9:48:49 AM Me

M Was about to post this to the thread with my parents and realized i This may mess with them. Not in a good place this am. Like the 700+ Ive already lived. — Morning fun thoughts. Thought of waking up tomorrow in a new year still in the same place I was a year ago, and the year before that is a daily nightmare continued for over 700 days. However, I have no say. I simply sit here in a mentally crushing state, while the world moves on. Wave a magic wand and make things ideal, its still going to take me more than a year to get my brain back or to be comfortable around others. ok enuf words today. Besides what I think or feel has no matter. I’m supposed to suck it up, and fall in line. Thats what Im brainwashed to do.

Dec 31, 2024 9:49:47 AM Me

I am far more broken than I care to admit.

Dec 31, 2024 9:49:59 AM Me

Or acknowledge

Dec 31, 2024 10:24:13 AM Me

— first 90mins Stared at floor. Blank mind. Thought about tapping out 3-4 times. Realize thats not happening and then start crying cuz I know where I am, and I’m not allowed to leave because of others

Dec 31, 2024 10:30:07 AM Me

- I would put my selfishness and the selfishness of others aside for someone in that situation. They’re alive for something they want no part of, simply to avoid others facing hard feelings. Ppl say suicide is selfish. Its the opposite. Those ppl want the depressed person to hang out and suffer more, so they don’t have to. Its backwards.

Dec 31, 2024 10:33:23 AM Me

And I know the answer for those left behind from a suicide. Why? Because of the incessant pain, dark, and misery thats on u 247365. And that others are too asleep in their own lives worried about the kardashians, whats for dinner, or someone bruised their ego.

Dec 31, 2024 10:37:51 AM Me

Even if I didn’t have depression, I’m not sure I want to be in this place or culture. I simply don’t think or operate likes other’s. Its an ncredibly stark contrast for me. Exhibit A. The vapid conversations about meaningless shit. I want to simply walk away. Pure waste and distraction. — Im just a rigid fuck now. No more performative hoop jumping or people pleasing

Dec 31, 2024 11:21:23 AM Me

— Just realized that if anyone WAS TRYING to call me about an interview they CANT REACH me because I have no phone.

Dec 31, 2024 2:30:31 PM Me

Got tire refilled at discount tire. Huge deal for me, considering how it feels to be inside my body/mind. I think it should be bodymind Like spacetime. Digress… Feeling like I do I had to mask hard (exhausting) but tire is full for now. I have filed for colorado medicaid and have a case number but not an official account yet. Sending pdf they gave me to Sarah. At Ozo, unable to login to amazon, so no refill on acebutelol for now. Have completed next step on divorce papers. Going to ask Tree if I can print the 2 pages to mail to court. Then I’ll email Liz to let her know I did that. We have weeks before I’ll need to physically be in a courtroom in Ventura, how I havent a clue. Unless Liz can figure out what the “offer” is. When you break it down she’s negotiating a release clause and figuring out the amount of the fine for wanting to break the contract with me and God. When u take emotion and feelings out thats whats at hand plain and simple.

Dec 31, 2024 2:34:13 PM Me

Also pinging capital one about the car. I vacuumed the car and have all my shit out. Only thing I need to take out is unscrew my subwoofer and remove. Also remove lights I have threaded thru.

Dec 31, 2024 2:35:11 PM Me

Maybe leave today with everything in others courts. Doesnt make any of it go away. So, no stress relief.

Dec 31, 2024 2:38:09 PM Me

After u left, reflecting on idea of feeling joy. Sadly I submit that I have been in a deeply depressed state for going on 6years. There are well worn habits, thought loops, and ruts I get stuck in. 1000% aware of every detail. The second, and doubling of, intensity of this all.

Dec 31, 2024 2:41:21 PM Me

I could spend a year at Disneyland, the acclaimed happiest place on Earth, and not find any joy. Ive been too deep For far too long Thats why I know, even with ketamine, its going to take more time to get “well”

Dec 31, 2024 2:45:12 PM Me

The disease in my brain has brought me to this very moment. And I fucking hate it. Every moment. The hate, deep down, is still in me for the potential I was robbed of by the insidious stealer of living and dreams, the darkside mofo. My clarity around this is crystal.

Dec 31, 2024 2:47:29 PM Me

Like youve heard, Im simply used to being in this unsavory headspace, for solid 6 years. Back to 2018. That summer before Nats passing was last time the dark shit was largely in check

Dec 31, 2024 2:58:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Deealing with a New Problem. Lacking a phone number I cannot receive texts to login to ANYTHING. Can’t reset Amazon password despite answering their email question correctly and jumping thru hoops. They need a phone number to reset. Ironically they ask you to call a phone number. 🤣🤣🤣

Dec 31, 2024 3:56:17 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

FYI what was sent to capital one. Dear Capital One, I received your notification regarding the possible repossession of my vehicle. I do not have a cell phone and can only be contacted via this email address. ​Likewise, I would like to discuss my payment options and explore ways to avoid repossession. Please provide me with the necessary information and instructions through email. ​I can still login to the online account. Note for my account: Since May 2023 (not 24), I have been both unemployed through no fault of my own, homeless living in the car, and going through a divorce and clinical Major Depressive Disorder and find myself unable to work. Note: I was able to make payments since May 2023, DESPITE unemployment and homelessness Yes, I've had late payments, that's because I'm hustling to find money. I have no savings, retirement, property or assets of any kind. I'm hopeful to be on my feet within the first quarter of 2025, after seeking professional Inpatient depression intervention within the next week. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Sincerely, Bert Mahoney

Dec 31, 2024 6:45:23 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 45 seconds) Me

eating dinner. work on store/site. bed before midnight And to think last year on this very night… Went to a cool NYE party with Jenica, who looked hot as hell. 🔥 🔥 🔥 I didn’t sleep alone last NYE. I’d say my NYE took a GIANT STEP BACKWARDS 🥺

Dec 31, 2024 7:51:50 PM (Read by them after 20 seconds) Me

FWIW

Dec 31, 2024 9:53:45 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

TWENTY years top to bottom.

Dec 31, 2024 10:30:39 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— I know you rarely look at the phone. Meaning large blocks of time go by without looking. has a very long text message chat from an old friend from Ojai who moved away about a decade ago to move to Louisiana. Everytime everyone asks how I am. I dont sugercoat a god damn thing. You’re used to it, but I have freaked out more ppl than you know with just the tiniest bits I’ve shared online out of frustration. I hear/read things people say to me about keeping it real, bravery, nice nice shit. Irony is I dont feel it at all. Like what you said to me last night, “you’ve spent more time on self introspection, inside work, than anyone else I know” which honestly was so suprising I almost said BULLSHIT to your face outloud but remembered the girls were around.

Dec 31, 2024 10:33:03 PM Me

Anyhow. fucking around online a bit more and then to sleep. “If I die before I wake, I pray to the Lord, please make that shit happen cuz this life hurts” Seriously not looking forward to tomorrow. I dread it—for real.

Dec 31, 2024 10:58:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This year has been a masterclass in endurance, in learning to exist when existence itself feels like too much.

Dec 31, 2024 11:03:39 PM Me

I had depression every day this year, with a variety of symptom's each day, all variable in existence and persistence.

Dec 31, 2024 11:16:08 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Bert.ForSale

Dec 31, 2024 11:39:53 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jan 01, 2025 9:02:26 AM Me

— Like last post from 2024 is ironic. Brain Fuck: Waking Up.

Jan 01, 2025 9:02:47 AM Me

Hope ur good. And hope kids are feeling better

Jan 01, 2025 9:43:57 AM Me

Trying damndest to not fall in a hole again today

Jan 01, 2025 9:45:51 AM Me

Feeling doomed. Nice first day of the year.

Jan 01, 2025 10:54:49 AM Me

— Weird morning. Heading over to spruce cafe. Then back to the basement. Having no money sucks Having no friends sucks Having nothing to do but stare at the floor sucks And soon having no car REALLY FUCKING SUCKS. This year feels the same as last. Remove the car and its already worse than last year. And that was worst of mylife

Jan 01, 2025 1:16:17 PM (Read by them after 35 seconds) Me

forwarded an email to you and here is what I wrote before the cap one email. — This is apparently my last chance to call them on the car today. There is shame that stops me from calling. Its been there all the time. Shame stops me alot. Non-existent self-worth. You could call and pretend you're me? Tell them you're going into a facility for depression treatment. See if a coporation has any compassion for a human being. You'll discover the person on the other side of the phone feels for you, "but there's NOTHING I CAN DO." I know this, because its what happened to me before calling about late payments on the car a while back. So 2 reasons I resist calling. Previous ‘cant help you’ and the shame. === I look at it this way. I go into a facility, my car goes away. I come out. Everyone cheers and goes on with their lives. There I am, going weeks upon weeks without a car to get started on my life. Yet another thing I have to prepare my mind for. Haven't even gone into get any treatment and already NOT looking forward to what awaits on the other side. My brain is WAY TOO GOOD at anticipating the future. How to do you think I survived my father with any sense of self?

Jan 01, 2025 1:23:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Also, when I left ur moms this morning she was adamant with me about letting her know when I’m ready to ‘Check In” up in Ft.Somewhere. I can’t just dump myself in there. I need to get my brain ready for it. It wont make sense to anyone else. I know if I go before my mind is ready, I’ll likely not really take to whatever they’re selling at treatment. My internal struggle with shame and facing all this… there is a giving up quality to all this I am feeling along with failure. In one sense, walking in there is giving up and admitting defeat. I wasn’t strong enuf, or good enuf to get beyond this “shit” I couldnt figure it out, tricky MF. Feeling an empty mind right now and body is so tight it hurts all over.

Jan 01, 2025 1:23:44 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

only been up 4.5 hours and its as if I’ve been thru 4.5 days psychologically.

Jan 01, 2025 1:23:50 PM Me

k, quiet now

Jan 01, 2025 2:00:53 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

“When sharing a life with someone, embracing your individuality and maintaining a strong sense of self can actually foster a more supportive and loving partnership, where you can empower each other to grow and thrive.” This arrived in an email and is what I failed to realize when in it. The slow slip into losing yourself.

Jan 01, 2025 5:24:40 PM Me

— Discovered that car repossession stays on your credit report for seven years and I don't know how they do this but they stick me with the bill for the repossession. It will suck well into my sixties. FUCK THIS COUNTRY AND CAPITALISM!! Soulless fuckers Like I need more bills like hello I couldn't pay the fucking car payments what makes you think I'm gonna pay some fucking stupid fee? They think I have money. 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Jan 01, 2025 5:29:33 PM Me

— Thinking about this for an hour. I go in. Car taken away. I come out. Still unemployed Still not on my own And now no car. It will be a remote only search if I get out. I fear coming out after working hard—and u know Im going to take the staff to places theyve not been with a depressive. No one can make me FEEL love for self or life no matter how hard they try. Non existent self worth is a core, pillar belief. Thats not going away in a week or a month. Its my identity.

Jan 01, 2025 5:32:49 PM Me

How can I find love for myself inside when I see nothing of value. People can then say good things about me, thats nice, but isnt going to jack shit to make me find that I think Im cool, or this or that. It wont budge my self perception Ive held for a half century.

Jan 01, 2025 5:33:16 PM +13038752587

At work now - was here last night til 4am. Shorter night today. I’ll reply more later

Jan 01, 2025 5:33:45 PM Me

I envision days of talking in circles getting nowhere And frustration sets in and Im done, tuned out

Jan 01, 2025 5:34:13 PM Me

Once I have the inkling its not going to help, game over.

Jan 01, 2025 5:34:49 PM Me

Meaning I could stay there a year and Id likely be in same mindset.

Jan 01, 2025 5:35:01 PM +13038752587

Did you contact capital one? Don’t fear credit report shit. It’s designed to keep you in fear. So many ways to car, credit, house even with major dings to credit report.

Jan 01, 2025 5:35:13 PM Me

No.

Jan 01, 2025 5:35:49 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Your depressed identity is fucking with you. Stop projected negatively into the future.

Jan 01, 2025 5:35:58 PM Me

I cant do it. I will. Start crying on the phone, the phone call is a massive trigger

Jan 01, 2025 5:36:25 PM Me

Shame, guilt, all that good atuff

Jan 01, 2025 5:38:42 PM Me

Been oscillating between dissociation, and anxiety since opened my eyes. K shutting up now

Jan 01, 2025 6:57:10 PM Me

— Informed parents and brother of impending reposession. — — FYI - got an email saying my car is scheduled for repossession Words cannot express what I am feeling Simply say I have failed, and wasn’t good enuf to keep it It severely limits where I can work, and simply makes everything harder. This puts me way, way back. Will take many months to save thousands of dollars for a down payment on any vehicle. I dont want this, but looks like its happening. More psychological shame and guilt to deal with on top of what I got already. More loss, more setbacks. Very inspiring. Yay me. ☹️

Jan 01, 2025 6:57:28 PM Me

Total loser. And not a thing will change my mind ever. Never ever. Its too ingrained and woven into my being. Its sadly become my identity.

Jan 01, 2025 6:57:43 PM Me

— I never been good enough at anything is the deeply dominant theme. Have had it since grade-school. 4th or 5th grade. Ive done enough self inquiry and introspection to know my clarity is crystal on this specifically.

Jan 01, 2025 7:00:37 PM Me

— It hit me hard on my walk tonight after I left for coffee. The belief Im not good enuf is my root cause. Had it since 10-11 years old. It was sadly, literally beaten into me, just in case I was confused as a kid.

Jan 01, 2025 7:01:46 PM Me

Also have discovered I am highly attuned and sensitive to everything at a level very few if any are dialed into. Makes most people tiresome and boring.

Jan 01, 2025 7:01:59 PM Me

Vapid is the word

Jan 01, 2025 7:13:16 PM Me

— If it were possible to try outpatient first, i would prefer that. My clarity and awareness around mental institution stigma is high and will be front of mind the entire time Obsessive compulsive thinking will not let go of that. And if cant do outpatient, then I guess put me into this place. My bet is they’re not going to let me leave until they are “satisfied Im better” however that is defined. Thinking if I end up being detained against my will, game over. I’ll go silent and they can fuck off. Then Im committed to the real institution under lock and key. Good times.

Jan 01, 2025 7:20:28 PM Me

Note: if Im unable to use my phone to record my self reflections and experience while inside, no dice. Same for computer. I want to be able to continue working on art and the website. If I cant do either. Stop all efforts, i’m not going into any facility. Switch to an outpatient solution. K. Going to try andwork on website Been off fer 3hrs now

Jan 01, 2025 7:20:58 PM Me

Apologies for logorrhea. ☹️

Jan 01, 2025 7:33:03 PM Me

— Just hit me. No car. No dating. Wonderful. 2025 is a another year alone. Outstanding - cant wait! I really dont need more hills to climb, and saving thousands to buy a new car is many months. Doesnt really matter if I go in, because I know whats waiting when I get out. Months and More hard fucking work to just get back to where I am NOW WITH A CAR?!? WTAF?!?!?! Make that make sense and I’ll go to the facility. How will I be in a better place with resources taken away that I need to get ahead? Highly fucking illogical is what that is. “Hey, youre going away to get better, and when u get out, you’re farther behind in the game of life than you went in.” Sign me up NOT!

Jan 01, 2025 7:36:18 PM Me

— Sadly, No matter what happens I cannot pass Go and collect $200 Fucked if I go Fucked if I dont wont have a car either way Fucking great 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Jan 01, 2025 7:40:14 PM Me

btw, cant call cap one No outgoing calls with no phone service. And lets not forget that my grandpas banjo will be auctioned off with all my other belongings too. Crap Never ends

Jan 01, 2025 7:41:25 PM Me

No pmt in Dec. and January is due now. Total ~$250

Jan 01, 2025 10:13:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 34 minutes, 3 seconds) +13038752587

The car is no longer a factor. And you won’t need thousands to get a car. Before creating stories about what will and won’t work with treatment. Find out the details of the programs. My thinking is pick the most intensive program.

Jan 01, 2025 11:47:38 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Bert.ForSale

Jan 01, 2025 11:47:47 PM Me

Where do I see the programs?

Jan 01, 2025 11:47:59 PM Me

Not sure what place ur talking about.

Jan 01, 2025 11:48:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube has first video published.

Jan 01, 2025 11:48:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Jan 01, 2025 11:49:06 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

next poster, masking after that

Jan 02, 2025 10:57:23 AM Me

— Hi GM. How are girls doing?

Jan 02, 2025 10:57:43 AM Me

How r u?

Jan 02, 2025 11:00:18 AM Me

I reached out to cap one Bout car. Tried calling but Mint wont let it go thru. Submitted form online asking how to reach them real time without a phone. Did u see if u have a line in ur plan ur not using?

Jan 02, 2025 11:32:45 AM (Read by you after 42 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Borrow meme phone

Jan 02, 2025 12:15:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

this is a MUST listen.

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Jan 02, 2025 12:15:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Jan 02, 2025 1:00:45 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 14 minutes, 52 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s have a chat in about 30mins.

Jan 02, 2025 2:34:36 PM Me

Love David Choe’s channel. His animations are awesome, content is great.

Jan 02, 2025 2:34:37 PM Me

YouTube

Jan 02, 2025 3:43:56 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

— Wanted to share my 2024 SHIT — list S - sleeping in car 12.5 months H - having to DYI divorce I - incessant rejections, over 1500 sent T - tyrrany of depression and ideation

Jan 02, 2025 4:00:28 PM Me

— Conscious awareness of not feeling as dark. Reason, holidays are behind

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Jan 02, 2025 5:59:20 PM Me

But weirdly dissociated when going into target. Ive noticed that whenever I go into big stores, with people, I have an overwhelming feeling of not belonging and major feeling of simply not on same wavelength or radiostation as the neurotypicals.

Jan 02, 2025 9:17:47 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

FYI, my brother bought a poster and six pack of cards 😊

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Jan 02, 2025 9:19:41 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

Watch/Listen to this from this link to a specific point in the show. “How can you hurt someone by helping them” Topic directly relates to you solving business problems when you are on your time, not company time. ps. I’ve listened to the whole thing. Its great.

Jan 02, 2025 9:19:43 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jan 02, 2025 9:20:58 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

this topic of helping is about 8 mins long, then they keep going. Point is, THIS PART speaks to you.

Jan 02, 2025 9:21:44 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

at least I see it speaking to the behaviour you not only talk about, but I witnessed and experienced first hand 😊 ❤️

Jan 02, 2025 9:22:08 PM Me

It may help shift thinking

Jan 03, 2025 11:06:10 AM Me

-gm

Jan 03, 2025 11:06:34 AM Me

Slept until 10:40

Jan 03, 2025 11:14:27 AM Me

-sux. i want to go to spruce or Ozo to get coffee and work on designs. $1.50 in paypal $2.00 in doordash $1.00 in cash Have enough for a cup, but using 3 payment methods to pay $4 is not doable. Any chance u could spot me $5 for coffee in venmo?

Jan 03, 2025 11:23:14 AM Me

Jan 03, 2025 11:28:46 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

got a thanks but nothank s from school district

Jan 03, 2025 11:35:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— today actually may be a “I dont leave the basement” day full troll mode

Jan 03, 2025 11:37:38 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

woke up feeling ok — which is weird not waking up feeling shit. however, I find myself settling back into this reality and gradually feeling like shit the more awareness I have.

Jan 03, 2025 11:37:40 AM Me

sucks

Jan 03, 2025 11:39:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

The “I dont want to be here anymore” chorus is now signing loud in my head. We’ve now resumed our regularly schedule programming.

Jan 03, 2025 12:21:31 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

What is your imei?

Jan 03, 2025 12:22:02 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 36 seconds) +13038752587

Settings>general>about>IMEI

Jan 03, 2025 12:26:16 PM Me

Jan 03, 2025 12:39:15 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

I found a 15 day free trial on visible

Jan 03, 2025 12:40:42 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Jan 03, 2025 12:40:54 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

No credit card required 😊

Jan 03, 2025 12:41:11 PM +13038752587

Check your email from visible

Jan 03, 2025 12:41:20 PM Me

K

Jan 03, 2025 12:41:48 PM (Read by you after 12 seconds) +13038752587

User is your email Pw is 2025Phone!

Jan 03, 2025 12:42:06 PM Me

K

Jan 03, 2025 12:43:01 PM (Read by you after 17 seconds) +13038752587

In the app you can get your eSIM

Jan 03, 2025 12:45:27 PM Me

Going to lose my phone number

Jan 03, 2025 12:50:04 PM Me

Jan 03, 2025 12:50:32 PM Me

So i guess i have this temp # now

Jan 03, 2025 12:54:13 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

What? Perhaps just temporarily

Jan 03, 2025 12:54:30 PM Me

I guess

Jan 03, 2025 12:54:35 PM +13038752587

Contact support and see how you keep youkeep your number

Jan 03, 2025 12:55:39 PM Me

If I lose my 805. Not good

Jan 03, 2025 12:56:11 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I think the number is attached to sim

Jan 03, 2025 12:56:16 PM Me

Every acct, tech, everything is tied thru that #

Jan 03, 2025 12:56:30 PM Me

anyhow

Jan 03, 2025 12:56:52 PM Me

I never use the phone anyway. Hate the phone

Jan 03, 2025 12:57:16 PM Me

Staring at the walls today ☹️

Jan 03, 2025 12:58:58 PM Me

One thing that will be a huge suck. No car. My depression is going to get triggered no matter what. Everytime I want to go somewhere, trigger!!!!! Cant fucking wait

Jan 03, 2025 12:59:02 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Jan 03, 2025 12:59:24 PM Me

Cool

Jan 03, 2025 12:59:29 PM +13038752587

Send me your login to Mint

Jan 03, 2025 12:59:47 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

I want to check some things out

Jan 03, 2025 12:59:53 PM Me

K

Jan 03, 2025 1:00:25 PM Me

Getting it

Jan 03, 2025 1:02:44 PM Me

My gmail is un

Jan 03, 2025 1:05:18 PM Me

Cant get in

Jan 03, 2025 1:06:30 PM Me

here is pw

Jan 03, 2025 1:06:32 PM Me

atUkgn6AwX(Y#Yr

Jan 03, 2025 1:06:43 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

no wonder I couldnt remember it

Jan 03, 2025 1:08:12 PM Me

u see any of my notes from this mornig?

Jan 03, 2025 1:18:10 PM Me

Thinking I could likely go into Ozo without buying coffee Kinda sneek in

Jan 03, 2025 1:49:45 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I go to coffee shops to fight isolation and loneliness. its the only place publically where I dont feel weird or triggered. Why I went every day when in CA. Otherwise I felt farther and farther disconnected

Jan 03, 2025 1:53:15 PM Me

When Im unable to do the little thing s that keep me tethered and sane, I typically dance with the devil rest of the day fighting off worthlessness and ideation. Thats the pattern. Been there enuf

Jan 03, 2025 1:54:04 PM Me

Fun times. Know what the rest of today is 😕

Jan 03, 2025 2:04:36 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

I owe you BIGTIME for this alone.

Jan 03, 2025 2:04:42 PM Me

🙏

Jan 03, 2025 2:31:07 PM Me

Had a thought last night. If I were to line up one or two tasks per day for u to complete - ur only focus - and I can build a platform - website, social accts, store all setup WITH your content. U just brain dump content. I build the infrastructure, design, visual branding, and do implementation and build automations. Let me write something up in Notion and share it with you. Ill explain in more detail what Im thinking. If u read it and are game, we start now. By the end if this year both our lives could be very different financially.

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Jan 03, 2025 2:32:36 PM Me

I watched creator X last night with Jason Lee and him sharing strategy. I watched and was excited and felt dumb for nit seeing things the way he presents them.

Jan 03, 2025 2:33:28 PM Me

Like “wow holy shit! I can make money if I set this up” I feel stupid fir not thinking if it

Jan 03, 2025 2:35:04 PM Me

Nutshell: Jasons “business” currently making $35k A MONTH is tapping on 6-8 revenue sources to make that amount.

Jan 03, 2025 2:35:23 PM Me

and theyre sustainable

Jan 03, 2025 5:51:46 PM Me

K, I’m going to produce an MVP Product to test the Internet and see if there is demand. I think we could create 4 or 5, 5-10 min videos These videos will be from scripts edited from your own words. Im going to teach AI to write how u speak. How will I do that? U need to visit app store. Install this App.

Let me know when thats done. I’ll tell you the connection settings so all recordings are saved to the cloud. And I take it from there. I will do all production. Happy to let u know wut I’m doing but ur focus is thinking deeply about the prompts I’m going to send you and simply answering with authenticity and caring. Prompts will likely be EASY for you to answer, and likely trigger u to think of other things. Thats great, let it rip in the audio recordings. Go down the rabbit hole and brain dump the whole trail. Then jump back to primary question. AI will edit the transcripts it creates into transcripts written how u speak.

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Jan 03, 2025 5:55:42 PM Me

— Here is your first task should u choose to accept the challenge. 🙂 Install the recording app I mentioned above. The UI is awesome and what is attached. U can tap the tape label and name ur files, thats the image with keyboard. Lmk when its installed. And guess what? You took the first step. Have a beer tonight. 🤣

Jan 03, 2025 10:51:29 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hola

Jan 03, 2025 10:54:51 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I drafted a full MVP project outline. I have FIVE options to pursue for an MVP. Follow the link to look it over. Be sure to use the toggles to dig down. I also have an entire full course concept outline at the bottom. If the MVP works, we create the full course.

Jan 03, 2025 10:54:55 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Bert Mahoney's Notion on Notion

Jan 03, 2025 10:56:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Once you consult on the content at a high level. I will then develop a series of prompts that will ask you different thing to ensure we cover the bulletpoints and deliver. All you do is record audio answers to the questions, save the file. That is it. Literally record a brain dump. Dont worry if you remember something later, we can edit in.

Jan 03, 2025 10:58:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I take the recordings, transcribe, edit to make it flow, then convert it into video transcripts. I have a FREE application that allows you to turn your laptop screen into a telepromper, and use your camera to record videos, reading the text. But for now, one step at a time. let me know what you think

Jan 04, 2025 12:54:38 AM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

https://answerthepublic.com/reports/39cebc53-046a-48c3-8bf2-ca7bb1189deb

Jan 04, 2025 10:10:45 AM Me

— gm Very Surprised to see no reply on any of that Heading to coffee shortly to push website on social media and see what happens

Jan 04, 2025 10:16:34 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 51 seconds) +13038752587

Worked to 12

Jan 04, 2025 10:21:16 AM ⇲ Me

Was up past 1:30am myself

Jan 04, 2025 10:16:44 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Just starting day

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Jan 04, 2025 10:20:28 AM Me

Jan 04, 2025 10:21:16 AM ⇱ Me

Was up past 1:30am myself
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 04, 2025 10:32:42 AM (Read by you after 26 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Quick Look at notion. Good stuff.

Jan 04, 2025 10:59:19 AM Me

Install the Recording app. It’s totally free and it’s awesome I’ve used it 100s of times

Jan 04, 2025 12:06:25 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 57 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Install

Jan 04, 2025 12:06:36 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 46 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Ed

Jan 04, 2025 10:59:30 AM Me

The link and everything is above

Jan 04, 2025 11:00:29 AM Me

Quick look is perfect. I’m going to send you next the first section of prompts you need to answer. All you need to do is record your voice while you talk answering the question you can do it in the car on the toilet, pretty much anywhere

Jan 04, 2025 11:01:36 AM Me

I will send you literally step-by-step what you need to do to record the questions answers and save the audio files in a place I can access. From there you won’t see the content again until I present you the first drafts of video scripts for the Teleprompter

Jan 04, 2025 11:02:52 AM Me

You’ll review those scripts for accuracy and perhaps personal touch here or there. And we build up a stack of Scripps, then I come stay at your place for one weekend and work with you to record, video record you reading the Teleprompter and recording the videos

Jan 04, 2025 11:03:53 AM Me

Then I take all the raw video edit it package it brand it Bag it, tag it, sell it to the butcher in the store

Jan 04, 2025 11:05:32 AM Me

U tell me… You want to do this?!? Im pretty sure an MVP product out there will prove validity. Remember, you miss 100% of the chances u dont take. 😁

Jan 04, 2025 11:06:23 AM Me

Only reason I’m suggesting all of this is because it came to mind the other day while working on my Bert for sale stuff. I’ve done enough building this Bert for sale thing that I realize I can duplicate it but make it for you and the restaurant in industry

Jan 04, 2025 11:07:55 AM Me

Instead of cranking out art and videos, we are cranking out incredibly valuable content people will pay for and videos like social media shorts that are 30 seconds to a minute long I get them on the website and in the funnel

Jan 04, 2025 12:06:25 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 57 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Install
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 04, 2025 12:06:36 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 46 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Ed
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 04, 2025 12:15:28 PM Me

Cool

Jan 04, 2025 12:16:15 PM Me

Send instructions shortly to install. Going to record a vid of my screen on phone 😜

Jan 04, 2025 12:32:04 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Side note - Sarah sent you an email.

Jan 04, 2025 12:45:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Yep, I saw it. Just havent had a chance to reply.

Jan 04, 2025 12:45:58 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Speaking of replies, waiting for this one. I shared my situation, and asked for compassion and empathy from a corporation

Jan 04, 2025 12:55:00 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Just in case- don’t leave anything of value in your car at any point. The repo man just shows up without notice

Jan 04, 2025 1:40:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ok.

Jan 04, 2025 1:41:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

i dont know if they know I’m in CO. I dont think I ever changed address with them

Jan 04, 2025 1:43:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ALso, just increased all my prices on the website. After my brother bought some at cost, and One other order from Laurie, I realize I am pricing them too low. 8x10s are selling for what I am charing for a 12 x 18. So single poster is $30. These are unique and exclusive. Once I get some traffic I may do limited edition prints. Anyhow, Once shipping, tax and everything else comes into play, ugh.

Jan 04, 2025 1:45:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Now prices are adjusted, and confirming on the site… I begin putting promos into Buffer this afternoon to get social traffic going. I will also post to my berchman instagram — have lots of people who follow me there — and tell them whats up in an image post. k, back to it.

Jan 04, 2025 11:47:51 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Bert.ForSale

Jan 04, 2025 11:48:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Bert.ForSale

Jan 05, 2025 1:48:09 AM Me

This is the dropbox link to a folder I created.

Jan 05, 2025 1:48:12 AM Me

Dropbox

Jan 05, 2025 11:47:31 AM (Read by them after 8 seconds) Me

— GM

Jan 05, 2025 11:49:17 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

get my links above to the dropbox? I also shared by email in case you need to do setup on laptop. Once you have it connected, let me know. You can record a test file and I can make sure I pick it up on my end. Then I can begin to build automation that will take your file, transcribe, and give it to me as a text file. From there its edited to make sense. OK, building social ads and pushing hard today.

Jan 05, 2025 11:49:34 AM Me

pushing announcements that the website exists.

Jan 05, 2025 11:50:23 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I realized yesterday I’ve been subconsciously procrasiting and finding ways to delay the push. “oh, I should fix this first…” but repeat 50 times 🤣

Jan 05, 2025 11:50:59 AM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

At least I’m self aware. Probably the best outcome of what I’ve been thru. I can see right thru myself if I get still enough.

Jan 05, 2025 11:51:31 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And paradoxically you need to get very still, in order to be found.

Jan 05, 2025 6:13:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 59 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

😀

Jan 05, 2025 8:13:55 PM Me

Were you able to get in drop off from inside recording app

Jan 06, 2025 9:22:43 AM Me

— Gm wondering if u were able to connect to the folder

Jan 06, 2025 9:23:11 AM Me

Wanted to start sending prompts to answer

Jan 06, 2025 9:58:19 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Well this morning just took a 180º

Jan 06, 2025 10:00:05 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

was feeling ok this morning until your mom triggered me with the mental hospital in Boulder. Which place is it?

Jan 06, 2025 10:00:32 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I refuse to walk into anywhere for treatment when I have NO IDEA WTF I’m walking into.

Jan 06, 2025 10:01:19 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

If I can look up the program online I can figure this out. Otherwise I may be headling to New York.

Jan 06, 2025 10:03:03 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— This really sucks. I was actually feeling what I would consider “ok” for like only the second day since September. thats all gone now

Jan 06, 2025 10:30:28 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— you around?

Jan 06, 2025 10:31:34 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

dont worry - i’m ok feels like a few pianos fell out of the sky this morning that I wasnt expecting

Jan 06, 2025 10:32:43 AM Me

lots of heaving to and fro

Jan 06, 2025 10:37:39 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FYI, just had a wild date span thing happen. I’ve been seeing this show up in multiple places. And coincidentally parallels a major astrological event — the synchronicity is very odd.

Jan 06, 2025 11:10:41 AM (Read by you after 7 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

GM Just getting to phone. Attempted to FaceTime you

Jan 06, 2025 11:18:31 AM Me

I was talking, FaceTime with my mom and I am jumping in the shower now. Then I’m going to see if all my stuff is out of the car. Then get some stuff together

Jan 06, 2025 11:22:16 AM (Read by you after 29 minutes, 31 seconds) +13038752587

I’m jumping in shower too. I’ll text you when I get out

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Jan 06, 2025 12:18:24 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 49 seconds) +13038752587

Hi

Jan 06, 2025 12:18:28 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Call me

Jan 06, 2025 12:23:19 PM Me

K

Jan 06, 2025 12:23:23 PM Me

One min

Jan 06, 2025 12:23:44 PM Me

Jan 06, 2025 12:23:59 PM Me

Jan 06, 2025 12:30:54 PM Me

FYI

Jan 06, 2025 12:39:59 PM Me

A note from last year

Jan 06, 2025 1:02:00 PM Me

To answer your question yes From what I understand if you can reach a deal before the repo man has it his hands on it you can keep it. I would imagine that would be true even if it was scheduled they would turn around and cancel them coming to pick up the car . That’s why connecting with my uncle Dave would be great but between taking the subwoofer out at this moment and getting all this business stored in your mom’s garage I will then be on my way

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Jan 06, 2025 1:02:28 PM Me

I just have no idea how busy I will be from the moment they except me in the door until I’m alone in the evening

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Jan 06, 2025 2:55:20 PM (Read by you after 3 days, 45 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

I’m proud of you for taking this next step. You are strong and courageous. I’m here for you as always.

Jan 06, 2025 2:55:21 PM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jan 07, 2025 12:05:52 PM Me

Cool. I dont have lots of access to my phone. Ill text when I can

Jan 07, 2025 12:18:41 PM (Read by you after 2 days, 3 hours, 22 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

Sounds good.

Jan 09, 2025 3:41:16 PM Me

Im back at ur moms

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Jan 09, 2025 4:04:34 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 39 seconds) +13038752587

How are you feeling?

Jan 09, 2025 4:12:01 PM Me

Sadly, Not great. Inside I weirdly felt free of my stress. And now feeling lots of stress about being back here. No job, no friends, isolated, no resources TO go anywhere to meet ppl anyway. And Im sure its only a matter of hours until I hear talk of finding a job. LIKE I FUCKING FORGOT THAT I NEED TO LOOK FOR ONE. Im a realist. This is what is so right now.

Jan 09, 2025 4:20:38 PM (Read by you after 6 seconds) +13038752587

Practice gratitude for what you have and let go of all the no this and that. those things will come in time. What is one thing you can do that creates space for you? Walk in nature perhaps. 🤔

Jan 09, 2025 4:23:43 PM Me

unsure, have a headache and I cannot stop stressing about my life situation. And I cant think about things coming in time, because I dont know if they will and why get hopes up only to have them crushed? anytime i get hope or optimisim i get crushed. Thats been past 7 years of my life

Jan 09, 2025 4:24:28 PM Me

Thats why I say I dont dabble in them anylonger Things will or they wont Thats it

Jan 09, 2025 4:27:28 PM Me

I appreciate you trying, but acknowledging what Im dealing with goes alot farther in terms of trying to help. Its a depression thing. The overriding feeling is that no one acknowledges what ur telling them, they only reply with ideas on how to fix things and blow by the pain that was shared

Jan 09, 2025 4:27:55 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Tell me about the past two days.

Jan 09, 2025 4:29:19 PM ⇲ Me

I wrote in my journal. Going to type it up on my blog. Didnt want to forget some things while there.

Jan 09, 2025 4:28:36 PM Me

Its “im sorry ur life is shit right now. That sucks. I hear you.”

Jan 09, 2025 4:29:19 PM ⇱ Me

I wrote in my journal. Going to type it up on my blog. Didnt want to forget some things while there.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 09, 2025 4:30:20 PM Me

Plan to do some vids for YouTube. Wanted to do daily recordings there but wasnt allowed my phone because its broken. Lots of rules ther

Jan 09, 2025 4:32:04 PM Me

K, going to help ur mom with some christmas stuff, then probably take a shower and have a good cry in there. Then maybe record a summary video of my experience, and then do a few different detailed ones about specifics.

Jan 09, 2025 4:34:03 PM Me

They are really good ppl there. You felt attention, your hirts acknowledged, and cared for from every staff member. Everyone there was working to help you feel better. I would go back if I needed it

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Jan 09, 2025 8:48:40 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

feeling depressed. go figure.

Jan 09, 2025 8:50:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Same as it ever was!” -Talking Heads

Jan 10, 2025 10:03:59 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Did you check your email to see if your uncle replied?

Jan 10, 2025 10:14:04 AM Me

No, i literally just opened my eyes. You and my brother already on me with texts about getting shit done. I dont need pushing or reminding. Im well aware of my shithole existence and that i need to do things What i dont need is pressure

Jan 10, 2025 10:14:59 AM Me

Already repiled to cap one last night.

Jan 10, 2025 10:19:02 AM (Read by you after 14 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

No pressure just a reminder- something you ask me to do for you if your stay was longer but since I don’t have email or number to your uncle I’m not able to reach him

Jan 10, 2025 10:39:25 AM ⇲ Me

I do want reminders. Its hard NOT to feel pressure today. I’ve already got a couple of truckfulls on my shoulders since waking up

Jan 10, 2025 10:35:34 AM Me

And ill go trolling for crap jobs today. Most likely wont hire me because they drug test, and i have lots of shit in my system. And other people don’t live my life so they don’t have the feeling to numb themselves from the life that they are inside of. Until you’ve lived on the streets in your car surviving on $10-$20 a day for a year then maybe you start to feel it

Jan 10, 2025 10:37:50 AM Me

And a friendly reminder that I said long ago it’s going to take me years to get back to where I was. This isn’t gonna take six months it’s gonna take 16 months or more. So everybody wanting to snap their fingers and get me working at Home Depot tomorrow needs to take foot off the pedal This happens on my timetable, not others. And the more others try to put their timetable on me the more I’m gonna withdraw and the more I will go dark and end up back in that fucking hospital

Jan 10, 2025 10:39:25 AM ⇱ Me

I do want reminders. Its hard NOT to feel pressure today. I’ve already got a couple of truckfulls on my shoulders since waking up
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 10, 2025 10:42:28 AM Me

Also, stuck inside all day in basement. Cant go anywhere cuz no resources which is always heavy and brings me down. Ive been in negative headspace for 5 years. I won’t begin to see anything positively until I catch some major breaks and get back up on my feet until then I’m miserable

Jan 10, 2025 10:57:55 AM Me

— Was hoping I made one sale on my website while away. I did put posts on social before I went in replete with tags and optimized seo text. Got nothing. Discouraging. Makes me wonder if its another time-suck idea going no where?

Jan 10, 2025 10:58:27 AM Me

K, know u head to work sometime so I’ll stop buggin u

Jan 10, 2025 11:01:15 AM (Read by you after 5 minutes, 59 seconds) +13038752587

Keep doing it if only for the cathartic aspect. Plus one person reading it could benefit from hearing your journey.

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Jan 10, 2025 11:02:58 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 16 seconds) +13038752587

Let’s also pursue the restaurant idea a little bit. I can start in it next week.

Jan 10, 2025 11:11:31 AM ⇲ Me

Yes!!!!! This came to mind while inside. I would like to make this happen and is something I can find both distraction and production inside of which will both benefit me. Only task Id like to complete sooner than later is to confirm u can save ur audio files directly to my dropbox Lmk when u can. Only a 10second recording of “hello world!” And upload. Then i look to confirm. On my side I’ll have an automation looking for nee audio files to take and transcribr to text and save it.

Jan 10, 2025 11:03:37 AM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 37 seconds) +13038752587

Is the phone number still functioning?

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Jan 10, 2025 11:11:31 AM ⇱ Me

Yes!!!!! This came to mind while inside. I would like to make this happen and is something I can find both distraction and production inside of which will both benefit me. Only task Id like to complete sooner than later is to confirm u can save ur audio files directly to my dropbox Lmk when u can. Only a 10second recording of “hello world!” And upload. Then i look to confirm. On my side I’ll have an automation looking for nee audio files to take and transcribr to text and save it.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 10, 2025 11:16:22 AM Me

— Feeling lost and unsure where to even start. Feeling a touch overwhelmed

Jan 10, 2025 11:17:47 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Keep it simple - can you do dash to get some cash- allow you to get some coffee out of the house? How does that feel for you?

Jan 10, 2025 11:19:59 AM ⇲ Me

I would like that however cannot dash. Not on the schedule, no time slots available. So I stay in the basement which is depressing to stay in all day no matter what I do or try.

Jan 10, 2025 11:16:22 AM +13038752587

What’s the drop box info again?

Jan 10, 2025 11:16:35 AM ⇲ Me

Getting it now

Jan 10, 2025 11:16:35 AM ⇱ Me

Getting it now
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 10, 2025 11:17:35 AM Me

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/k8kei52s4hlrl1z5uf2um/ALG5xndrkWpstBhZPDPyhUo?rlkey=3mx5ap0umq21ys7m2zsinhe3q&st=en8ccjbn&dl=0

Jan 10, 2025 11:17:36 AM Me

This link will take you directly into the folder

Jan 10, 2025 11:17:47 AM (Read by you after 14 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Keep it simple - can you do dash to get some cash- allow you to get some coffee out of the house? How does that feel for you?
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 10, 2025 11:18:29 AM Me

What I see from link

Jan 10, 2025 11:18:57 AM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Need to clean up device - memory full

Jan 10, 2025 11:19:18 AM (Read by you after 3 seconds) +13038752587

Can’t download new apps currently

Jan 10, 2025 11:19:59 AM ⇱ Me

I would like that however cannot dash. Not on the schedule, no time slots available. So I stay in the basement which is depressing to stay in all day no matter what I do or try.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 10, 2025 11:23:18 AM +13038752587

Get out for a walk at least

Jan 10, 2025 11:25:35 AM Me

I will probably if thats my only option. However, im still alone so I stew inside my head in walks at the ponds. Do laps and cry thinking about things. Doesn’t matter if I have music or podcast on.

Jan 10, 2025 11:26:00 AM Me

Always leave the walks with teary eyes

Jan 10, 2025 11:26:53 AM Me

Walking = Dredging That just came to mind and its a perfect description

Jan 10, 2025 11:27:57 AM Me

Thats my experience walking alone right now. Mind goes over and thru things and there are ALWAYS tears cuz things largely suck

Jan 10, 2025 11:31:05 AM Me

— Going to meditate, shower, and then I dare to open email and go thru it. I also have “Loneliness” poster ads ready for Insta, Pinter, and X. Ill post them online shortly. The Funeral Brain got no buys. Need to check analytics and see if anyone clicked on the social media links because I put them into bitly with UTM codes

Jan 10, 2025 11:31:34 AM Me

I’ll do the same for the loneliness poster create unique UTM codes for each platform

Jan 10, 2025 11:36:56 AM Me

Actually going to Humane Society and volunteering today would be nice. We had 3 therapy dogs come into the ward and it was so nice personally to get some pets and kisses, but also see other patients come out from the dark place and see them feel the love from the dogs and how they respond. Just like the dogs, no judgement on love—it was so nice to see. It made me want to do same thing sometime down road. Train a dog to be a therapy dog and go into hospitals like that. I liked talking with the owner/handlers who were taking dogs around and ask lots of questions about training etc.

Jan 10, 2025 11:37:22 AM Me

I have two of their business cards, each dog carries around their own personalized business card as a part of the Boulder community hospital canine corps

Jan 10, 2025 11:38:11 AM Me

Jan 10, 2025 11:39:00 AM Me

Luca, left, and Miss Pearl. Also met “Lindberg” named after the pilot. He was a Golden Doodle

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Jan 10, 2025 11:51:39 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

I have a small project you can do at our house. Probably take an hour between going to house to Home Depot back to house and apply caulking if you are feeling up to it.

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Jan 10, 2025 11:55:38 AM Me

Whenever? Or when? Also, not sure my vw will make it there without supercharger along the way. And forget slow drip plug into wall as that takes 24hours to

Jan 10, 2025 11:56:30 AM (Read by you after 1 minute, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Plug-in the car today. You can do project tomorrow

Jan 10, 2025 11:58:46 AM Me

I may need to charge car on way to u even with full battery. Climbing eats battery.

Jan 10, 2025 11:59:52 AM Me

So even if leave tomorrow I may not arrive until Sunday. I’d just sleep in car, but have to find a place to charge thats not a supercharger

Jan 10, 2025 12:01:10 PM Me

Also, think I have a flat from a slow leak on front right tire. More bullshit to deal with that frankly I dont have the will or patience for imho

Jan 10, 2025 12:02:03 PM Me

Keep telling ppl that my executive functions are impacted, but falls in deaf or denying ears

Jan 10, 2025 12:03:20 PM Me

K, been texting 2 hours straight between u, my mom, and derick. Need to go do email and meditate. I can feel my anxiety ramping up right now. Huzzah!

Jan 10, 2025 12:05:20 PM Me

| Simple paradigm. Berts life is a mess MEANS Bert is a mess. Until life issues are resolved I will continue to be a mess. I cannot WILL motivation or happinesswhen I feel like ahit.
Edited 46 seconds later | Simple paradigm. Berts life is a mess MEANS Bert is a mess. Until life issues are resolved I will continue to be a mess. I cannot WILL motivation or happiness when I’ve been depressed, suicidal, and feeling like shit for years.

Jan 10, 2025 12:36:43 PM (Read by you after 13 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Our house in Longmont

Jan 10, 2025 12:50:11 PM ⇲ Me

OOOHHHH. Yeah. I gotcha.

Jan 10, 2025 12:50:11 PM ⇱ Me

OOOHHHH. Yeah. I gotcha.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 10, 2025 12:50:28 PM Me

I can do.

Jan 10, 2025 12:50:45 PM Me

Just send details of what u need done.

Jan 10, 2025 1:20:12 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 26 seconds) +13038752587

The front stoop needs to be recaulked. The back on possibly too

Jan 10, 2025 1:32:49 PM Me

K

Jan 10, 2025 1:33:07 PM Me

Whats the going rate? 🤣🤣

Jan 10, 2025 1:33:41 PM Me

Srsly I’ll do it. Youve paid me before. i owe u.

Jan 10, 2025 1:36:17 PM Me

The last sentence is 10000% correct.

Jan 10, 2025 1:38:47 PM Me

Yes, true for me. All of it.

Jan 10, 2025 1:51:28 PM Me

— Laptop will not conncet to wifi in ur moms house despite zero settings changes.

Jan 10, 2025 1:53:26 PM Me

So Im making great negative progress today. WTAF?!? Cant anything important in my life just fucking work without some bullshit getting in the way??? These types of experiences breed discouragement and failure.

Jan 10, 2025 1:57:03 PM Me

Nothing works so no progress on store, art, or advertising Universe telling me this is NOT what I should be doing?!? Confused, stresses, and anxiety in my heartspace Yay me!

Jan 10, 2025 1:59:41 PM Me

When the fuck am I going to catch a significant break? Haven’t I suffered enuf? Do I need more sacrifices? How the fuck to move forward when EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE ITS AGAINST U? So frustrating Puts me in deep frustration and withdrawl from trying anymore

Jan 10, 2025 2:01:33 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 54 seconds) +13038752587

Is the internet down?

Jan 10, 2025 2:05:17 PM Me

No, YouTube works on TV

Jan 10, 2025 2:08:08 PM Me

Think I may just go walk in a circle outside, come back, and simply give up trying. Let it go. Nothing more frustrating than not being motivated, and pushing yourself to do things Only to be thwarted.

Jan 10, 2025 2:09:10 PM Me

Just trying to get my medical stuff done. Not even doing fun stuff Just sux

Jan 10, 2025 2:11:56 PM Me

Coffee shops might work, but cant bring myself to walk in and use wifi without being a patron. Feels too scammy and uncomfortable to me.

Jan 10, 2025 2:32:25 PM (Read by you after 2 seconds) +13038752587

Reset mom’s router if you haven’t tried that already.

Jan 10, 2025 2:47:24 PM Me

K

Jan 10, 2025 3:18:00 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I’m online on the laptop now. However, going to go walk in the cold before it gets too cold. Feeling very high anxiety. not a panic attack. Have sustained internal nervous tremor that wont go away 😬 its being driven by LOTS of FEAR.

Jan 10, 2025 3:18:48 PM Me

being reminded of all I need to do. brings up anxiety and fear of unknown

Jan 10, 2025 3:30:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

First Post-Visit Task Complete. Have reached out to https://www.boulderacudetox.org/ for info about going to access their free services.

Jan 10, 2025 4:21:34 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

They apparently have this today. unsure about going. dont want to show up and NOT be able to have services and have to wait until another day Would rather not show up and have to wait another day. Less stressful. I would be super discouraged to go and not get in.

Jan 10, 2025 5:23:09 PM Me

— My anxiety is the highest its been in a decade. No meds to deal with it so I have to just let it fuck me up until its done. 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Jan 10, 2025 5:24:21 PM Me

I simply cannot relax at all. Not talking couch lock, talking being able to not feel like I need to run and get away from impending doom

Jan 10, 2025 5:25:31 PM Me

Life feels like never ending doom on a daily basis. Thats been my reality for 18months. No wonder I have lost hope and optimism

Jan 10, 2025 5:27:11 PM Me

And always negative. Because negative is the truth of my reality right now. Yes I have access to resources other may not, but that doesnt mean things are any easier to process or mentally wrestle with.

Jan 11, 2025 9:00:43 AM Me

Gm Let me know details of what you need done at ur house. Note one tire on my car is flat. Deflated in the cold while in hospital. Need a portable air pump to fill it. Do u know if Don has one? Otherwise I could use ur moms car when shes back.

Jan 11, 2025 9:01:06 AM Me

Sucks I cant use the car.

Jan 11, 2025 10:36:47 AM (Read by you after 19 seconds) +13038752587

He may have a compressor

Jan 11, 2025 11:53:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fascinating:

Jan 11, 2025 11:53:22 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

https://danmall.com/salary-income/

Jan 11, 2025 11:56:18 AM Me

I got a decade on this guy, but not his notoriety and exposure. so fucking stupid for not going all in during 2009/2010 and start something different. I stayed small and hidden. Paying DEARLY for the byproducts of bad decisions made with a sicki mind. sux hard to know I could be coasting to $500k a year for all this time. Doubt I’d have the depression I do without life circumstances contributing and basically causing the deep depression episodes and suicide.

Jan 11, 2025 11:58:41 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— I’m relatively smart. Know how to build shit online all by myself. have other talents than computers and yet I CANNOT find a way to make money online when all these DUMBER asshats are making a killing. Makes me want to check back into the hospital. Wasnt thinking about all this shit inside that place. Why I felt good on day three.

Jan 11, 2025 11:59:02 AM Me

— Honestly feel same stress levels and mindfuck I had before going in.

Jan 11, 2025 12:01:17 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Spotify

Jan 11, 2025 12:02:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

sleep, shit, stifle, struggle

Jan 11, 2025 12:09:26 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— btw, don suggests I could refill it with your mom’s bike pump. Might take me an entire day to do that. Plus I know from pumping bike tires up to 100psi that it becomes impossible to put more air into tires when you’re.

Jan 11, 2025 1:06:03 PM Me

Hey, Imagine ur headed to work. Never heard about what you wanted done at your house. Day 2 stuck in basement. Good times for mental health! so triggered from processing email.

Jan 11, 2025 1:09:14 PM Me

Feel crap, mad, angry, pissed, broke, frustrated, and frankly just sick of this same shit every day. Well over 700days in a row of this shit existence. But hey, I’ll just hangout continue to feel crap. 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

Jan 11, 2025 1:09:40 PM Me

I love job hunting. Total waste of fucking time

Jan 11, 2025 1:45:51 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— Spent a few hours upstairs. Going to try and refill my tire with a bike pump. I’ll see how that goes. Then for a walk by myself, and then back into the basement for the rest of the day. Not many options for me to go or do anything other than staying in the basement.

Jan 11, 2025 1:47:10 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“Pure Hatred” is a kind phrase for how i feel about things right now

Jan 11, 2025 1:52:35 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Found this in my photo album. A screen capture from June 2022. If only… Sadly, I suspect I will never find this.

Jan 11, 2025 1:52:57 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Another good one

Jan 11, 2025 2:37:43 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— u ok??

Jan 11, 2025 3:22:36 PM Me

U OK?
Sent with Loud

Jan 11, 2025 5:22:26 PM Me

Wow Ur not ok OR u lost ur phone

Jan 11, 2025 5:26:07 PM (Read by you after 22 seconds) +13038752587

At work

Jan 11, 2025 5:26:11 PM (Read by you after 18 seconds) +13038752587

Skied with Willow today

Jan 11, 2025 8:15:32 PM Me

Depressed all day here. Level is roughly 6/10. I can mask it, but it was out in force. See the face.

Jan 11, 2025 8:15:58 PM Me

Jan 11, 2025 8:56:19 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 34 seconds) +13038752587

Sorry to hear Did they change your meds?

Jan 11, 2025 9:28:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

nope. same as it ever was.

Jan 11, 2025 9:28:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ketamine fell on deaf ears

Jan 11, 2025 9:28:49 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

“too expensive” I was told

Jan 11, 2025 9:29:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

and ppl have to keep going back for more, because its only temporary. Just give me the GODAMN KETAMINE NOSESPRAY and let me try it.

Jan 11, 2025 9:30:14 PM Me

This message was deleted from the conversation!

End of march will be here soon enough. tick tock

Jan 11, 2025 9:31:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

This message was deleted from the conversation!

aint fucking around either I will simply dissapear when no one is looking one day. no one will ever see me again. I simply refuse to keep living like this. Unsustainable.

Jan 11, 2025 9:31:35 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

sux to type those words.

Jan 11, 2025 9:32:32 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I got ZERO done today. Went outside for a 1 hour, 3.5 mile, walk in a big circle and back down in the basement.

Jan 11, 2025 9:33:20 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

simply tired of my life going absolutely NOWHERE

Jan 11, 2025 9:34:14 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

my mindset right now is I could easliy kill people. I feel no remorse right now. Like I could go find someone and fuck them up hard. Lots of rage inside.

Jan 11, 2025 9:35:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I actually would enjoy it — sick and disgusting to think that. HOWVER, the release of anger and rage for all that I’ve lost and time I continue to lose to this fucking disease would be electrifyingly cathartic

Jan 11, 2025 9:36:03 PM Me

Simply ready to destroy things

Jan 11, 2025 9:36:56 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fed up with economy, capitalism, and this fucked up country full of asshats and entitled fuckfaces

Jan 11, 2025 9:38:02 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

dont know how to process all that

Jan 11, 2025 9:38:49 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

“a walk” or “some excercise” doesnt fix that kind of thinking. All my walk did today was make me go deeper into it.

Jan 11, 2025 9:40:37 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Simply been too fucked up for too long. my depression has become my identity sadly I identify and depressive, anxious, and neurodivergent before I even acknowledge myself.

Jan 11, 2025 9:41:42 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k, done venting

Jan 11, 2025 9:42:01 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

going to head to bed

Jan 11, 2025 9:46:25 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

wake up and do this shit again tomorrow The lyrics to this song are visceral for me. When I listen, I can feel the words deep in my gut. The song literally gives me goose bumps and a weird sparkling hyper anxiety that partially takes your breath away. I feel these words deeply.

Jan 11, 2025 9:47:18 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

— I believe I can see the future 'Cause I repeat the same routine I think I used to have a purpose Then again, that might have been a dream I think I used to have a voice Now I never make a sound I just do what I've been told I really don't want them to come around, oh no Every day is exactly the same Every day is exactly the same There is no love here and there is no pain Every day is exactly the same I can feel their eyes are watching In case I lose myself again Sometimes, I think I'm happy here Sometimes, yet I still pretend I can't remember how this got started But I can tell you exactly how it will end.

Jan 11, 2025 9:48:08 PM Me

This message was deleted from the conversation!

k, gntie

Jan 11, 2025 9:51:56 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

— one last thing. I tried to explain to my mother tonight about how deeply I feel things. I’m not trying to say I’m somehow “special” I simply KNOW I take and feel things FAR MORE INTENSELY than neurotypical’s. My antennae are hyperactive, and hypersensitive conditioned from my surivial to AVOID ass beatings as a kid.

Jan 11, 2025 9:52:12 PM Me

here is what I sent her, copied from my thread with her

Jan 11, 2025 9:52:18 PM Me

| — I am insanely sensitive. I FEEL MORE DEEPLY THAN neurotypicals ( normal people ) Anything that hits me is 10x compared to others 1x We’re feeling same things, but the energy and force, up against my HYPERACTIVE AND HYPERSENSITIVE that I developed to keep quiet and not have Dad beat my ass. I anticipated an ass whooping every day. So every day I repressed myself. I stuffed myself down inside to avoid being a ‘normal kid’ who makes lots of mistakes. Im afraid of making mistakes to this day. I SUPRESS my opinions and thoughts all day every day. Until recently. I am deeply broken. I know it, I feel it, I am it. Just know that when I open my mouth about whats in my head, its ORDERS or magnitude deeper simply because my system can detect a butterfly wing moving a mile away. By the time I say something its been going on weeks or months. Ive been up against demons trying to coax me to escape it all. I FEEL this pressure 10x. What Im getting at is my depression is not garden variety. They couldnt even classify my specific type of depression because my skills living with it and being a ‘functional depressive’ for all my life. Im very good at being depressed, keeping it to myself, and no one can tell, even you. My masking skills are world class. Im very good. I know it because its one of my primary survival tools. I can turn it on/off in a blink of the eye. No one has EVER suspected i was depressed, even the docs in the hospital. Even a fellow patient, Billy, who commented that “you dont seem depressed at all” as I sat across from him having lunch together and conversing. Masking at work. I am a master. Yoda level.
Edited 27 seconds later | — I am insanely sensitive. I FEEL MORE DEEPLY THAN neurotypicals ( normal people ) Anything that hits me is 10x compared to others 1x We’re feeling same things, but the energy and force, up against my HYPERACTIVE AND HYPERSENSITIVE anntena that I developed to keep quiet and not have Dad beat my ass. I anticipated an ass whooping every day. So every day I repressed myself. I stuffed myself down inside to avoid being a ‘normal kid’ who makes lots of mistakes. Im afraid of making mistakes to this day. I SUPRESS my opinions and thoughts all day every day. Until recently. I am deeply broken. I know it, I feel it, I am it. Just know that when I open my mouth about whats in my head, its ORDERS or magnitude deeper simply because my system can detect a butterfly wing moving a mile away. By the time I say something its been going on weeks or months. Ive been up against demons trying to coax me to escape it all. I FEEL this pressure 10x. What Im getting at is my depression is not garden variety. They couldnt even classify my specific type of depression because my skills living with it and being a ‘functional depressive’ for all my life. Im very good at being depressed, keeping it to myself, and no one can tell, even you. My masking skills are world class. Im very good. I know it because its one of my primary survival tools. I can turn it on/off in a blink of the eye. No one has EVER suspected i was depressed, even the docs in the hospital. Even a fellow patient, Billy, who commented that “you dont seem depressed at all” as I sat across from him having lunch together and conversing. Masking at work. I am a master. Yoda level.
Edited 2 minutes, 49 seconds later | — I am insanely sensitive. I FEEL MORE DEEPLY THAN neurotypicals ( normal people ) Anything that hits me is 10x compared to others 1x We’re feeling same things, but the energy and force, up against my HYPERACTIVE AND HYPERSENSITIVE anntena that I developed to keep quiet and not have Dad beat my ass. I anticipated an ass whooping every day. So every day I repressed myself. I stuffed myself down inside to avoid being a ‘normal kid’ who makes lots of mistakes. Im afraid of making mistakes to this day. I SUPRESS my opinions and thoughts all day every day. Until recently. I am deeply broken. I know it, I feel it, I am it. Just know that when I open my mouth about whats in my head, its ORDERS or magnitude deeper simply because my system can detect a butterfly wing moving a mile away. By the time I say something its been going on weeks or months. I can tolerate more depression and suicidal ideation for longer than ANY other human being I know. Ive been up against DEMONS trying to coax me to escape it all. I FEEL this pressure 10x. What Im getting at is my depression is NOT garden variety. The doctors and nurses couldn’t even classify my specific type of depression because how good my skills living with it and being a ‘functional depressive’ are for all my life. "Depression — unclassified type” Im very good at being depressed, keeping it to myself, and no one can tell, even you. My masking skills are world class. Im very good. I know it because its one of my primary survival tools. I can turn it on/off in a blink of the eye. No one has EVER suspected i was depressed, even the docs in the hospital. Even a fellow patient, Billy, who commented that “you dont seem depressed at all” as I sat across from him having lunch together and conversing. Masking at work. I am a master. Yoda level.

Jan 11, 2025 9:56:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

k, now to bed. planning on having another frustrating unproductive day.

Jan 11, 2025 9:59:17 PM (Read by them after 5 seconds) Me

ps. I htink my visit to the hospital made me realize I NEED TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING NICE, and always acquiescing. I SIMPLY BRING MY DEPRESSED “fuck you and the boat you got here on” SELF TO THE FOREFRONT. Instead of me adjusting my personality and attitude to make every interaction kind and “chippy” I’ll simply look at people like I am in that picture. my fuck you face. 😊

Jan 11, 2025 10:00:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

they can deal and adjust. I’ll simply stare thru their soul, and not blink. its VERY uncomfortable for others to look at me like that.

Jan 12, 2025 9:42:19 AM Me

— Gm

Inner voice has alot going on.

Jan 12, 2025 9:43:26 AM Me

Jan 12, 2025 9:48:11 AM Me

That last one is 6 mos old. Only 3 months left Feeling fucked in general right now and cant shake it Too many parts Not enough brain that can deal Simply feel burned out Like a rusty hollow shell

Jan 12, 2025 9:48:36 AM Me

It’s really hard to pour energy into anything when you feel empty

Jan 12, 2025 1:04:51 PM (Read by them after 8 minutes, 32 seconds) Me

Day 4 of basement dwelling. Have not interfaced with any other human beings other than your mother since leaving the hospital last Thursday. Isolation and Loneliness are HUGE right now. I may go walk around the ponds by myself. However, nothing takes my stress away. Not hiking, walking or any kind of exercise brings any type of relief.

Jan 12, 2025 1:07:32 PM (Read by them after 5 minutes, 52 seconds) Me

— feeling thoroughly beaten down and defeated today worthlessness dominant

Jan 12, 2025 1:10:09 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 33 seconds) Me

"Same as it ever was” Another Day The Same Groundhog Day

Jan 12, 2025 1:11:02 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 51 seconds) Me

Jan 12, 2025 1:11:17 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 36 seconds) Me

“carry the water”

Jan 12, 2025 2:07:36 PM Me

— i take it Im not going to ur house in Longmont and fixing it

Jan 12, 2025 2:08:07 PM Me

Been waiting since yesterday morning for instructions

Jan 12, 2025 7:07:09 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Last I knew your car wasn’t mobile

Jan 12, 2025 2:09:00 PM Me

Going to go walk around the pond alone after I pump up the tire with a hand pump Then back in the basement I go.

Jan 12, 2025 3:03:02 PM Me

I cannot get suicide out of my head right now. Not that I’m gonna act on it but it’s not a lot of fun to sit around all day and think about that. just saying

Jan 12, 2025 3:49:14 PM Me

Jan 12, 2025 3:50:56 PM Me

Unfortunately not sitting in the basement. Im so done with all this

Jan 12, 2025 4:14:30 PM Me

— Miserable all day No respite. I go to a med check tomorrow. Perhaps I actually need to stick a knife in me tomorrow during my visit to make them understand how bad things are?? Do I REALLY have to make an true attempt to make people wake the fuck up?!? I am NOT well. 2 top depression meds MAX dosage, and I feel worse and more sketchy. The doctors think Im either a hypochondriac, or that I have light and mild garden variety. Or have no idea wtf is up. They will continue the soft glove approach with me, fine, let them. I’ll be dead in short order. And then everyone can look around puzzled wondering why the fuck it happened, and beat themselves up for not doing something before Im gone.

Jan 12, 2025 4:14:33 PM Me

— Been here 3 months and my condition has only worsened. I had hoped by now I’d be on my way to feeling better, and getting on my feet but Im losing, not gaining, ground. I was told I was going to get treatment. I spend 3 days in the hospital for nothing. Same meds, same shit different day. Instead of getting better Im FAR more isolated in a basement 23 hours a day thru no fault of my own. I’d rather depressed and miserable be in California. At least I had the beach and could visit Declan.

Jan 12, 2025 4:15:43 PM Me

Thinking about going back to CA because being here is frustrating and not working.

Jan 12, 2025 4:39:34 PM Me

A reply to Chris Guillbeaus post i made. Its a few weeks and thats a YEAR AGO. still treading water Still NO FUCKING END IN SIGHT 😭😭😭😭

Jan 12, 2025 7:07:09 PM (Read by you after 6 minutes, 5 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Last I knew your car wasn’t mobile
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 12, 2025 7:20:58 PM Me

hey. I pumped the tire up with a bike pump 😕 Have an appt tomorrow at Mental Health Partners at 10:30am and need the car to get there Then back into the basement. I wonder if I can be declared handicapped?? The illness in my brain prohibits me from LIVING Impacts EVERY SINGLE Day Start to finish. Anyhow, rambling

Jan 12, 2025 8:01:58 PM Me

Instagram

Jan 12, 2025 8:01:59 PM Me

I was always seen as “argumentative” and “too much” when I passionately raise my voice because I’m being treated like shit. FVKIN KVNT BEHAVIOUR

Jan 12, 2025 8:02:19 PM Me

Gaslighting someone you fucking ignore all the time

Jan 12, 2025 8:03:46 PM Me

| Cant wait to sign final papers THEN I will write her a letter. She will likely file a protective order, BECAUSE IM GOING TO CALL HER OUT ON HER NARSasist
Edited 43 seconds later | Cant wait to sign final papers THEN I will write her a letter. She will likely file a protective order, BECAUSE IM GOING TO CALL HER OUT ON HER NARCISSIST BEHAVIOUR

Jan 12, 2025 8:07:34 PM Me

Joanna still believes Liz’s lies about me. I’m collateral damage from the “ME TOO!” movement. That shit got under her skin. I know this. I NEVER MADE THAT WOMAN DO ANYTHING SHE DIDNT WANT. She said in session “I decided to let it continue…” But I raped her so angry.

Jan 12, 2025 10:03:11 PM Me

Instagram

Jan 13, 2025 10:24:23 AM Me

gm Downtown at MHP for appt. Let me know if u still need house fix done.

Jan 13, 2025 11:09:37 AM Me

Done with appt. Tension headache. Back to the basement.

Jan 13, 2025 11:15:13 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Yes

Jan 13, 2025 11:15:14 AM Me

I’m driving with Focus turned on. I’ll see your message when I get where I’m going.

Jan 13, 2025 11:16:05 AM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Let me check and let tenant know you will be working outside. Can you do it today and at what time?

Jan 13, 2025 11:19:19 AM Me

Right now I’m headed to the basement but I’m free between now and 3 o’clock. I have a therapy session at 3 o’clock at the mental health partners

Jan 13, 2025 11:26:43 AM Me

— Another day of depressed fun inside my skull today. Im on the medicine carousel again. Need to wait ANOTHER 6 weeks, never mind the past 6 that I waited on a new dosage to see what would happen and I ended up in the psych hospital. Next up is anti-psychotic drugs. Huzzah.

Jan 13, 2025 12:08:27 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

Let me know when you’re headed to house. From what I last saw you will just need to add sealant between concrete and house.

Jan 13, 2025 12:09:00 PM (Read by you after 1 minute, 37 seconds) +13038752587

I should have caulking guns in the garage and Robert can let you in.

Jan 13, 2025 1:18:23 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

Hi, how long will it take you think? I have a 3pm therapy appt and could do it before but want to make sure I have enough time

Jan 13, 2025 1:39:12 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 14 seconds) +13038752587

1 hr

Jan 13, 2025 1:39:54 PM (Read by you after 8 minutes, 32 seconds) +13038752587

Go assess Get caulking/sealant Seal

Jan 13, 2025 1:50:41 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

k, just read your note. I can assess. Cannot buy anything. $3.27 is all I got, and that is split between Venmo, Paypal, and cash. I can’t go to coffee shops or do shit — I dont make that up — its for real. Since we’re 70 mins away from my first therapy appt, I’m hesitant to start now because I dont want to be late or miss therapy. Guess that means I sit here until tomorrow.

Jan 13, 2025 1:55:52 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

| -- Been here meditating on asking God to take me while I sleep as an act of mercy. I never get, or feel better so I can feel alive and not depressed. And no one can help me getter better in short order. I cant get ketamine because I’m too poor. Simple Fact. I’m in another “wait 6 weeks.” Anhow, massive tension headache across back of neck and down into shoulder causing sharp nerve pain. Been a great day (NOT)
Edited 21 seconds later | -- Been here meditating on asking God to take me while I sleep as an act of mercy. I never get, or feel better so I can feel alive and not depressed. And no one can help me get better in short order. I cant get ketamine because I’m too poor. Simple Fact. I’m in another “wait 6 weeks.” Anhow, massive tension headache across back of neck and down into shoulder causing sharp nerve pain. Been a great day (NOT)

Jan 13, 2025 1:58:37 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

Over 600 days, 609 presisely, since I lost my job and moved in the car. Thats 87 weeks or 20 months -- ITS A PRISON SENTENCE

Jan 13, 2025 1:59:10 PM +13038752587

Call me - Im driving

Jan 13, 2025 1:59:16 PM Me

wonder if I asked the docs it theyd like their lives sidetracked for 87 weeks.

Jan 13, 2025 1:59:18 PM Me

ugh

Jan 13, 2025 2:50:39 PM Me

This is back door

Jan 13, 2025 2:52:17 PM Me

This is front door

Jan 13, 2025 2:52:17 PM Me

Let me know if the Vertical gaps should be covered too.

Jan 13, 2025 6:46:13 PM Me

— I dont know how much more I can take of sitting in the basement. I do NOTHING when there. And its where Ill be for the foreseable future. No fucking money for anything January has been $0. Sick of the bullshit

Jan 13, 2025 6:54:48 PM Me

Too many days in a row with ZERO positives The hole just gets deeper everyday at this point IM GOING BACKWARDS I feel worse in Colorado Feel more suicidal in Colorado Never had to deal with this depth for this long. Usually something changes. Now I dont want to go out. Get weirded out as if people see the BUM i am Aidan is right. I am a “fucking BUM!!!” And all I hear is that echoing my head. Good times Glad I signed up for this.

Jan 13, 2025 6:55:42 PM Me

🤬

Jan 13, 2025 6:55:44 PM Me

😡

Jan 13, 2025 6:55:54 PM Me

☹️

Jan 13, 2025 6:59:13 PM Me

— I despise being alive right now. Simply dont want any of this at all. I want to go back to CA. despite all that Ive done here with getting services Im feeling worse on too many fronts. Anyhow, Screaming into the fucking VOID cant wait to wake up and do this again tomorrrow

Jan 13, 2025 7:00:40 PM Me

— I just want to go away from everyone, be by myself, and never come back. Dead or alive

Jan 13, 2025 7:03:18 PM Me

This message was deleted from the conversation!

Making plans for Nigel

Jan 13, 2025 7:49:42 PM Me

Good vent above. Now in basement dissociated. Here but mind somewhere else Sit in stone cold silence staring at the floor, wall, whatever for 15mins or more. Some thoughts maybe but mostly “awake but offline” My brain dissociates by itself when Im in overwhelm.

Jan 13, 2025 7:50:23 PM Me

And hard to consciously “snap out” It has to wane in its own

Jan 14, 2025 9:11:37 AM (Read by you after 44 minutes, 20 seconds) +13038752587

GM I’ll see if tomorrow works for caulking with tenant. Thought 💭 Get back on the schedule for dashing. It gives you coffee money.

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Jan 14, 2025 9:58:53 AM Me

Gm Well done on your kudos at work. Ur mom showed me the card. Frame it. And send me a good photo of it for your website. Btw, u ready for prompts?? I can send you some today and you can record answers. Maybe on drive to work record them? Note dont worry about the order of things. If you happen to remember something that should go with something you previously said, do not worry about it because we can edit it in the script and move things around. That’s why I’m going to have you proofread the raw text to make sure the right things are in the right spots

Jan 14, 2025 9:59:46 AM Me

Cant dash until tomorrow.

Jan 14, 2025 10:01:15 AM Me

I’m publishing some YouTube videos this morning and then more social media posts to focus on the anxiety poster So far I’ve sent out social media for depression, and loneliness. I pushed them to Instagram, Pinterest, and X. I’m wondering if I should change one of those three to Facebook? On the free buffer plan you can only connect to three channels. Once I have money I can pay for a plan and connect to all of them

Jan 14, 2025 10:01:56 AM Me

My thought on Facebook would be to have it replaced Pinterest. But I also know posting to Instagram can also post to Facebook but I don’t know if that can happen automatically through Buffer I know you can do it manually and I’m trying to avoid manual social media posts

Jan 14, 2025 10:21:14 AM (Read by you after 27 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Run one week tests and track stats

Jan 14, 2025 10:48:40 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

yeah, have UTM’s so I can look for it in GA

Jan 14, 2025 10:51:06 AM Me

Just got this notice. I ❤️ Mogwai Scottish post rock band Want to go

Jan 14, 2025 2:16:13 PM Me

FYI, letting it rip on LinkedIn today. Posted lots of comments on posts.

Jan 14, 2025 2:16:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Some funny shit. Managed to mention Madge from Palmolive and Genghis Khan in them.

Jan 14, 2025 2:43:12 PM Me

Spotify

Jan 14, 2025 2:43:12 PM Me

— A Loooooooooooong Damn way for sure!!!

Jan 14, 2025 6:52:21 PM Me

— Hi Sent this to Liz today. I have yet to see a single financial document from her. Ive sent her both rounds of forms from me, and mailed to the court the form stating she has all my financial docs. — Hi, I was thinking we’re about 40 days away from going to court. I know you don’t want to go that way as you stated before in email. Any updates on your end? We have no agreement so as of now we’re heading that way. Let me know when you can.

Jan 14, 2025 6:52:30 PM Me

Thought’s???

Jan 15, 2025 12:02:22 AM (Read by you after 9 hours, 42 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Seems fine

Jan 14, 2025 6:56:23 PM Me

She’ going to lose well over $100,000. And thats only retirement. I have $28k in debt that destroyed my credit. Half if that is her’s. Does she have to come up with $14k and give it to me?!? No idea. All I know is when I sent the last round of documents she was clearly pissed off. — I should probably start planning for the possibility that I’ll need to travel to Ventura, go to court, and then head back this way. Think so?

Jan 14, 2025 6:58:59 PM Me

Its really sad that shes a narcissist who can only think of herself. She abandoned me a long time ago, and never showed any empathy or provide basic comfort or attention to me at all. Always a “toughen up buttercup” attitude.

Jan 14, 2025 7:00:57 PM Me

I realize that the woman I married is no longer in her body and mind. Pretty sure she’s either a closet lesbian, or shes bisexual. I know the lesbians on Thacher campus were hot for her and spent more time with her than me.

Jan 14, 2025 7:06:50 PM Me

And they were surprised to see me once long ago when I got back from my first trip to New York. It was on their faces, the shock and surprise was evident. I’ve never brought that up to her

Jan 14, 2025 7:08:01 PM Me

This dances are delicate line because when she has to give up all that money, it will impact her ability to pay for Darragh’s college. I’ve not put anything into his college, other than what we have saved through his gradeschool years.

Jan 14, 2025 7:08:01 PM Me

I’ll be honest, I spent 32 years of my life with that woman and there’s a part of me that still loves her a lot and would likely go back to her if she was only willing to own her shit in this relationship. However she’s been absorbed into the me to movement. It just sucks that I’ve become a casualty to it

Jan 14, 2025 9:27:08 PM Me

Dont know if ur getting messages

Jan 14, 2025 9:32:02 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 9 minutes, 50 seconds) +13038752587

At work

Jan 14, 2025 9:32:07 PM (Read by you after 16 hours, 9 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Check in a bit

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Jan 15, 2025 12:02:22 AM (Read by you after 9 hours, 42 minutes, 26 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Seems fine
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 15, 2025 12:04:27 AM (Read by you after 9 hours, 40 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Not sure how the debt thing works. There is probably precedence on it. It is possible you may need to go. Wait for her response.

Jan 15, 2025 9:45:39 AM Me

— gM Let me know about caulking porches today

Jan 15, 2025 9:46:08 AM Me

Also will be sending u prompts to get your recorded answers

Jan 15, 2025 10:30:08 AM Me

Fyi, i see Liz read my text yesterday, but no reply.

Jan 15, 2025 12:05:02 PM Me

About to go into the laptop for the afternoon. I need to work on and push my art. And working on vids for Youtube. There is alot to do, SO much work Ive already done setting everything up, yet… I worry that this will fall into all the other failures Ive had online. Investing myself deeply only to come out the other end disappointed at spending my time and getting no where. — I’ll keep posting to social media until I’ve published about each poster there. No sales, no comments, and checking Analytics today and see if anyone clicked at all. Realizng that while I may think the art is cool, its about feeling awful. How many people want to put posters on their wall reminding them of things robbing them of life?!? Just a thought

Jan 15, 2025 12:06:00 PM Me

— Attempting to let go of my feelings around this. However, doesn’t take away the uncertainty of time spent poorly. Already wasted enuf time and sick of being alive like this

Jan 15, 2025 12:06:00 PM Me

Kinda buzz kill for staying motivated on this project. 😕

Jan 15, 2025 1:01:05 PM Me

Looks like ur not getting my messgage

Jan 15, 2025 1:06:27 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Phone was offline

Jan 15, 2025 1:06:45 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

Slow day for me - feeling tired 🥱

Jan 15, 2025 1:09:47 PM (Read by you after 32 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

The "success" of the project is not predicated upon whether it makes sales or not. For me it's about bringing awareness to mental health from a first person perspective.

Jan 15, 2025 1:10:29 PM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

I have some thoughts around the marketing forming. When them come together I'll share

Jan 15, 2025 1:11:08 PM (Read by you after 30 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

Ps - I know making money is important right now too

Jan 15, 2025 1:42:11 PM Me

k

Jan 15, 2025 1:44:10 PM Me

was feeling kinda ok this morning. now at latop trying to do things, but endlessly distracted by bullshit.

Jan 15, 2025 1:45:20 PM Me

thought on the project is if money wasnt the object WhyTF did I spend so much time making it ecommerce?!? anyhow, discouragement is growing inside my head

Jan 15, 2025 1:45:22 PM Me

sux

Jan 15, 2025 1:45:40 PM Me

feel that worthless vibe, just not with SUPER STRONG depression

Jan 15, 2025 1:46:20 PM Me

Anyhow, been at spruce coffeeshop for just under an hour and feel like I just want to go back to basement and go to bed

Jan 15, 2025 1:46:39 PM Me

totally uninspired after thinking I was going to kick ass at production today

Jan 15, 2025 1:46:58 PM Me

-- hard to believe in anything

Jan 15, 2025 1:47:19 PM Me

especially myself I constantly dissapoint myself because I know that I'm capapble

Jan 15, 2025 1:47:50 PM Me

anyhow, back to my lonely world inside my head.

Jan 15, 2025 2:33:10 PM Me

-- Im back in the basement. Doubt i'll go outside again today.

Jan 15, 2025 2:33:23 PM Me

Going to sleep now

Jan 15, 2025 4:53:03 PM Me

Woke up from nap. Went thru pile of envelopes. All full of overdue bills, DMV registration suspension, and cancellation of insurance. Have doordash 5:30-7pm But is it really worth $5-10 and plausibly get in an accident?!? How fucked am I then? Dont think its worth the risk

Jan 15, 2025 4:54:08 PM Me

Also, suicide came on strong after nap. Guess subconscious trigger processing overdue bills

Jan 15, 2025 4:59:09 PM Me

-- Im self isolating HARD because I fear meeting someone I like and cant do shit about it other than to deny myself I cant in good conscience go out like I did when I met Jenica Which was over a year ago. Last november. At this point we were together solid Wasnt fair to her, and while I dont regret meetung her, i regret my lack of a life to keep her WE WOULD LIKELY HAVE CELEBRATED A YEAR TOGETHER..... only if Thing is That "only if" aint never coming Nothing in my life indicates anything but that outcome Suicide is really appealing. Wont lie

Jan 15, 2025 5:00:18 PM Me

Another day spent alone in my head. 616 days No end in aight

Jan 15, 2025 7:42:51 PM Me

Hi, Ur mom handed me her digital frame the she had in the closet. I got it working, and she wants to put new photos that she has been texted to her. She wants to pick which ones. Unsure of best way to do this. Going to use SD card in her sony camera to store images to play on frame. Anyhow ideas are welcome on getting all the photos in a folder.

Jan 15, 2025 7:52:56 PM Me

On reflection, I've been awake and aware since very young but simply thought I was just weird. I've NEVER had the ignorance is bliss feeling EVER

Jan 15, 2025 7:52:56 PM Me

https://youtu.be/cJ_fsOG2QtU

Jan 15, 2025 8:25:07 PM Me

hi, Here are 5 ideas for an MVP for restaurants product. Let me know which one you want to do first. Then I'll start sending prompts:

Jan 15, 2025 8:25:23 PM Me

1. Menu Development: Crafting a Profitable and Irresistible Menu

Jan 15, 2025 8:25:30 PM Me

2. Financial Planning: Restaurant Startup Budgeting & Cost Control

Jan 15, 2025 8:25:36 PM Me

3. Location Selection: Choosing the Perfect Restaurant Location

Jan 15, 2025 8:25:42 PM Me

4. Pre-launch Marketing: How to Pack the House for Opening Day

Jan 15, 2025 8:25:49 PM Me

5. “Restaurant Survival 101” Avoiding the Top 10 Owner Mistakes

Jan 15, 2025 8:26:36 PM Me

-- Recommendation for MVP Focus Fastest to produce:** *Crafting a Profitable and Irresistible Menu* Most universally appealing:** *Restaurant Survival 101* Highest value for aspiring owners:** *Restaurant Startup Budgeting & Cost Control*

Jan 15, 2025 8:26:52 PM Me

Let me know what you think.

Jan 15, 2025 8:27:39 PM Me

depression off the hook tonight. I had high hopes of publishing at least the social media notices about the Anxiety poster.

Jan 15, 2025 8:28:06 PM Me

I got nothing done today

Jan 15, 2025 8:28:41 PM Me

-- Being in Colorado is not unfolding how I imagined when I was told/sold to come this way.

Jan 15, 2025 8:28:44 PM Me

just saying

Jan 15, 2025 8:31:09 PM Me

I feel my depression has deepened farther since being here. So few positive things in my life. Mostly debt, unemployment, homeless, divorce process, loneliness—no friends, poor—no resources even IF I wanted to try and make friends.

Jan 15, 2025 8:34:18 PM Me

anyhow, I push and nothing changes for me. So many shit days of the last 600+ that is is EASILY MY NEW NORMAL baseline. Deep, dark depression is "new normal" and not much I can do about it, cuz I'm doing all the things.

Jan 15, 2025 9:46:32 PM Me

Klarisana

Jan 15, 2025 9:51:15 PM Me

reading the testimonials of the severly depressed who have used them, makes me depressed because they are all saying how AWESOME they feel, and they dont have to take meds anymore I NEEDLESSLY SIT AND SUFFER EVERY DAY WHEN THERE IS AN EASILY AVAILBLE POTENTIAL

Jan 15, 2025 9:51:19 PM Me

solution

Jan 15, 2025 9:51:35 PM Me

TO MY NEVER ENDING DEPRESSION.

Jan 15, 2025 9:51:53 PM Me

The fact that money keeps me from this makes me really fucking angry

Jan 15, 2025 9:52:01 PM Me

WTF

Jan 15, 2025 9:52:11 PM Me

Klarisana

Jan 16, 2025 8:01:29 AM Me

Ur not getting texts

Jan 16, 2025 8:02:13 AM Me

Seems that way

Jan 16, 2025 9:54:13 AM (Read by you after 49 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Jan 16, 2025 9:57:11 AM (Read by you after 46 minutes, 4 seconds) +13038752587

Good Morning Crazy day yesterday Let’s got the caulking done today. It’s warmer. What’s your schedule? Looks like between 12 and 2 for temperature

Jan 16, 2025 9:57:51 AM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Sent text to other line

Jan 16, 2025 10:03:32 AM Me

Other line?

Jan 16, 2025 10:03:52 AM (Read by you after 39 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

805

Jan 16, 2025 10:04:35 AM Me

I have JSC meeting 11:30am - 1pm I can do caulking after that

Jan 16, 2025 10:06:22 AM Me

Fyi, I have no money.

Jan 16, 2025 10:06:34 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 41 seconds) +13038752587

Perfect - borrow caulking gun from Don.

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Jan 16, 2025 10:07:04 AM (Read by you after 36 minutes, 11 seconds) +13038752587

Looking up cost of caulk now

Jan 16, 2025 10:07:06 AM Me

Caulk??

Jan 16, 2025 10:07:31 AM Me

You can probably order it online and pay for it. And I could pick it up. Don't know if that's a possibility

Jan 16, 2025 10:07:51 AM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Looking now

Jan 16, 2025 10:08:24 AM Me

Definitely should do it today because it gets a bit colder tomorrow and Saturday we are in single digits and below zero at night

Jan 16, 2025 10:09:07 AM Me

Another thought, if you want to remind me after the cold spell this weekend I could go over and double check the caulking to make sure there aren't any cracks in it after it gets below zero. It's likely to contract but wanna make sure there's no way for water to get in

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Jan 16, 2025 10:19:17 AM Me

Mental pattern im noticing Wake up in no particular state of mind. By noon depression moves in and destroys remainder of the day. Yesterday I was think about suicide all afternoon Having more of those days. Havent had a depression free day since ?????

Jan 16, 2025 10:25:11 AM Me

If I had enuf $$ Id be in the ketamine clinic yesterday. That would have been a great christmas present. Anyhow, i simply prepare for a depressed day because thats what I always have. And what am I waiting around for? I have enuf historical data that says - with confidence - what the next, day, week, and month will be. I really dont want to wake up each day. It would be a merciful action to take me while I sleep. Until SOMETHING changes outside of me, I will stay depressed. I cant fake real happiness. I can mask it, but its fake, and Im miserable inside. Anyhow, let me kniw whats up with getting caulk when u can. Think I may sleep for 20-30 mins. Feel crap

Jan 16, 2025 10:43:25 AM Me

any update on caulk

Jan 16, 2025 11:02:06 AM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 23 seconds) +13038752587

In meeting will take care of after

Jan 16, 2025 12:20:00 PM Me

hola. I've confirmed borrowing Don's caulking gun. Done with my meeting

Jan 16, 2025 12:20:22 PM (Read by you after 10 seconds) +13038752587

Is meme home

Jan 16, 2025 12:20:48 PM Me

she's waiting for Tree to go shopping

Jan 16, 2025 12:21:06 PM Me

but keeps going in/out of garage

Jan 16, 2025 12:21:30 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Ask to use her Home Depot card please

Jan 16, 2025 12:21:36 PM Me

ok

Jan 16, 2025 12:21:50 PM Me

will they check ID?

Jan 16, 2025 12:22:14 PM +13038752587

Have not in the past

Jan 16, 2025 12:22:33 PM (Read by you after 21 seconds) +13038752587

Only with store credits

Jan 16, 2025 12:23:26 PM Me

ok, I have the card

Jan 16, 2025 12:23:59 PM Me

let me know when the tennant has the heads up. 😊

Jan 16, 2025 12:24:26 PM Me

Also, let me know what kind of caulking you want to get. You can paste a link here

Jan 16, 2025 12:26:39 PM (Read by you after 2 minutes, 35 seconds) +13038752587

https://www.homedepot.com/p/Quikrete-10-oz-Concrete-Repair-Tube-862010/100318474

Jan 16, 2025 12:31:22 PM Me

k, have everything I need other than the green light to go and do it.

Jan 16, 2025 12:36:52 PM Me

??

Jan 16, 2025 12:37:03 PM Me

waiting for tennant to reply??

Jan 16, 2025 12:47:07 PM Me

Tree brought the caulk gun over. Only need to know if tennant knows I'm coming

Jan 16, 2025 12:48:16 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 3 minutes, 40 seconds) +13038752587

What time are you going over

Jan 16, 2025 12:48:35 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 3 minutes, 21 seconds) +13038752587

Just read the above thread

Jan 16, 2025 12:48:39 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 3 minutes, 17 seconds) +13038752587

Check now

Jan 16, 2025 12:50:57 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 59 seconds) +13038752587

You are cleared for takeoff

Jan 16, 2025 12:57:11 PM Me

Ok

Jan 16, 2025 12:58:09 PM Me

Heading out as soon as I get my shoes and coat on. it will likely take more time to buy the caulk than actually do it.

Jan 16, 2025 1:26:43 PM Me

Jan 16, 2025 1:27:33 PM Me

Got stuff Headed to ur house

Jan 16, 2025 2:05:31 PM Me

So I got it done But I'm really unhappy getting shit all over me

Jan 16, 2025 2:06:33 PM Me

I’m quite un fucking happy because I did everything right and pumping the fucking cock gun and nothing comes out I can see clear down into the tube and all the shit came out the back end of the fucking tube I did the whole fucking thing by hand scooping out the shit from the back of the tube with my fingers. Get in these chemicals all over my hands is not fun. I barely was able to cover all the spots. I’ll come back on Monday and look . If I need to I’ll have to go get another tube to plug the holes

Jan 16, 2025 2:09:40 PM Me

I wasn't about to take the tube and drive all the way back to Home Depot for a five dollar tube of shit the stuff inside was perfectly good the fucking nozzle didn't work at all

Jan 16, 2025 2:10:45 PM Me

I'm going back into the basement. It's a beautiful day but Jack shit I can do

Jan 16, 2025 2:11:01 PM Me

Just feeling depressed and don't wanna go hike

Jan 16, 2025 2:11:25 PM Me

It's really hard not to be depressed when your life sucks this fucking bad

Jan 16, 2025 2:13:53 PM Me

I'm officially back in my hole

Jan 16, 2025 2:17:05 PM Me

Having a good cry and screaming my fucking lungs out into a towel The thought of leaving this earth without ever living without depression just came behind and it's just so fucking sad

Jan 16, 2025 2:18:04 PM Me

I'm gonna go to sleep right now too fucking depressed to stay awake

Jan 16, 2025 2:21:43 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 30 minutes, 13 seconds) +13038752587

Thanks for doing what you could.

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Jan 16, 2025 2:32:40 PM Me

Its all covered. However it will likely do something when cold comes

Jan 16, 2025 2:37:38 PM Me

Ideation is on me HARD It thought that getting caulk in my hands and open cuts was good cuz now I have cancer causing shit in me. Cant catch a moment of NOT feeling shit End of March coming soon enuf

Jan 16, 2025 2:44:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 7 minutes, 44 seconds) +13038752587

How much does ketamine therapy cost? The latest one you sent.

Jan 16, 2025 3:00:13 PM Me

There are different levels of care. They dont list prices sadly

Jan 16, 2025 3:03:00 PM Me

Naps done Im going to try and work on website and youtube

Jan 16, 2025 4:06:52 PM Me

-- IMPORTANT -- Here are 5 ideas for an MVP for restaurants product. Let me know which one you want to do first. Then I'll start sending prompts: 1. Menu Development: Crafting a Profitable and Irresistible Menu 2. Financial Planning: Restaurant Startup Budgeting & Cost Control 3. Location Selection: Choosing the Perfect Restaurant Location 4. Pre-launch Marketing: How to Pack the House for Opening Day 5. “Restaurant Survival 101” Avoiding the Top 10 Owner Mistakes -- Recommendation for MVP Focus Fastest to produce: *Crafting a Profitable and Irresistible Menu* Most universally appealing: *Restaurant Survival 101* Highest value for aspiring owners: *Restaurant Startup Budgeting & Cost Control*

Jan 16, 2025 4:07:44 PM Me

lets get this going. you can record answers to and from work. doesnt matter if theres background noise.

Jan 16, 2025 5:35:08 PM Me

Something in me wants to send this post to Elizabeth

Jan 16, 2025 5:37:23 PM (Read by you after 4 hours, 35 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

Fuel to a fire. I understand but advise not to send. Good advice though

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Jan 16, 2025 8:22:28 PM Me

Any word on the restaurant stuff?? Sent it twice

Jan 16, 2025 8:33:47 PM Me

-- Also, Im broken badly. I feel it deeply. My consistent depressive experience of life has simply broken my brain. I doubt I'll ever see a day of my life without it ever again I mean that should be depressing even to a person who's never had depression like me But the idea of sitting around here for God knows how much fucking longer to live like this ??? Really?? I just don't want this conscious physical human existence anymore. Its been nothing but FEAR, ANXIETY, STRESS, DEPRESSION, DISSOCIATION, ANHEDONIA, IDEATION, AND MENTAL ILLNESS' version of SUFFERING. stop and think.. Ive had ZERO DAYS of any type of fun, joy, or vitality since arriving 10/16/24. Its 1/16/24 and every day here at your moms I feel pressure and stress. Hell I dont even know what "fun" is anymore because when I see someone having fun, I despise it Ive been depressed too long now. Mind aint coming back Im on 2 of the best modern depression meds at max dosage and Im still depressed and having suicide in my head at least once a day.

Jan 16, 2025 8:35:12 PM Me

I cant get well And no one will give me "permission" to leave I said it before and I will say it again. The only reason I am alive is so others lives are not inconvenienced with me not being here. That's boiling it down to its essence

Jan 16, 2025 8:37:16 PM Me

other than my three boys there is nothing absolutely zero things positive in my life right now and now that I'm out here I don't get to see my boys which is the only positive thing I've got. Thing is I text them and they don't always reply to me. Will they really miss me? Beyond the initial grief Ill be a footnote

Jan 16, 2025 8:47:26 PM Me

-- I've resigned all will to be here. My life has gone, and keeps going, nowhere at the speed of light. Over 600 days of black hole deep depression, and sadness. No one know WHEN or even IF, this will go away. I barely have any more patience or will to keep going. And for what? 600 more days of this??? What The Actual Fuck? May Day, my Birthday, is TWO YEARS OF THIS NO JOB, MONEY, HOUSE crap ON TOP of the depression. At this point Im basically on the edge of sanity. No one hears, sees, or understands what Im truly experiencing. I have SO MUCH depression inside I could make 50 people feel depressed. And out of those 50 there might be 3 people STILL ALIVE AFTER 2weeks the rest would kill themselves.

Jan 16, 2025 8:48:40 PM Me

-- U kill urself to make the depression stop. I know why people would rather be dead than live like this. Because I live it every day

Jan 16, 2025 8:51:10 PM Me

Honestly its what I spend the most time doing when conscious anyday. Being Depressed, ideating. Or if not deeply depressed Im thinking about one or the other. Spend maybe 1-2 hours a day on any and all computer stuff. Thats all I can do these days Brain is broken

Jan 16, 2025 9:18:04 PM (Read by you after 54 minutes, 57 seconds) +13038752587

I hear you. Let's find a way to get you Ketamine therapy. I'll call you tomorrow.

Jan 16, 2025 10:13:31 PM Me

I just read that David Lynch passed away today. The world has lost a great artist.

Jan 16, 2025 10:13:31 PM Me

www.google.com

Jan 16, 2025 10:26:35 PM Me

This is a VERY rare type of person to find. In fact this person, at least for me, does not exist here on this earth And I certainly would not want to meet them where Im at right now, depressed I dont like hanging out with myself, its simply lonely and depressing

Jan 16, 2025 10:30:24 PM Me

This statement is about the past nine months. From April 24 of last year up until the 24th of this month. I’d say I’m facing limits and boundaries and heavy pressure and I definitely feel like I’m missing out on something important like living . It’s telling me I have to confront myself and make decisions about where I’m headed but that’s a little hard when I have no ability to get myself better It says to let go of what is no longer serving me. This existence comes to mind

Jan 16, 2025 10:30:58 PM Me

And just so you know I really feel what it says in that paragraph I definitely feel like I am just in the wrong place in the wrong time in the wrong universe

Jan 16, 2025 10:31:23 PM Me

Look at it this way if I did not have children I would already be a memory to you

Jan 18, 2025 1:34:09 PM Me

Blue is true.

Jan 18, 2025 4:28:17 PM Me

-- It's been made abundantly clear to me that I don't matter in this world I dont belong here, and I don't want to be here Whats here for me other than 600 or 6000 more days of this bullshit? Doesn't matter what I say or do. It's gonna be the same fucking day forever. I'm not in control of this disease just like somebody doesn't control how cancer unfolds inside you. All I wanted to do is go to a coffee shop, sit, and not feel like a fucking mutant and i cant even do that Instead I sit/sleep alone in the dark basement day after day. If I go outside once a day I sit in public for a couple of hours I don't feel this awful. It's how I stayed alive in California. If no coffee shops, you would not be reading this text message staying isolated through no fault of my own simply reinforces that I don't matter Suicide ideation is here with me now. I'll be trying my best to fight it off the rest of the night.

Jan 18, 2025 5:02:33 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 5 minutes, 53 seconds) +13038752587

Go have a cup of coffee ☕️

Jan 18, 2025 5:03:20 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 5 minutes, 6 seconds) +13038752587

2 days worth just sent

Jan 18, 2025 5:03:28 PM (Read by you after 5 hours, 4 minutes, 58 seconds) +13038752587

Maybe three

Jan 18, 2025 5:11:42 PM Me

Im going to put a gofundme or patreon online (linkedin, instagram, and X) tell people whats up, and ask for help $$

Jan 18, 2025 5:13:06 PM Me

Thx 4 the $10. Too late for coffee now. Maybe tomorrow if I feel up to it. Can barely move my head without pain

Jan 18, 2025 5:55:42 PM Me

-- Non sequiter A heads up. I am seeing more and more videos from financial people on YouTube. They are warning about a recession depression that they see coming. They’re speculating that it will make 2008 Lehman Brothers collapse seemed like kindergarten. Reason I mentioning this is if you have retirement funds in any kind of volatile investment, stocks or real estate or anything that can fluctuate a lot. You should move that money into perhaps bonds or something far more stable. You may not make as much interest the next few years but you will likely save yourself tens of thousands of dollars of your retirement that won’t just evaporate in an afternoon.

Jan 18, 2025 6:55:29 PM Me

https://youtu.be/rguHublkxCQ

Jan 18, 2025 6:56:52 PM Me

https://youtu.be/zuY484ynNxY

Jan 18, 2025 6:58:02 PM Me

https://youtu.be/MUzGP_efirQ

Jan 18, 2025 7:38:14 PM Me

😡

Jan 18, 2025 7:40:08 PM Me

Ur mom is upset with me. All I'm doing is speaking my truth and reality. I had to leave the kitchen because I felt 5 yrs old being scolded for not doing what others want.

Jan 18, 2025 7:46:09 PM Me

--- People continue to think I can WILL myself out from where I am. I wish! Dont ya think Id already done that instead of sitting in this shit?!? Hello! McFly!! If anyone knows how much I hated living in the car, its you. I'll say it this way. If I get pushed, I WILL jump I have to let the universe do its thing. If people want me alive, stop telling me "I just need to walk into a store and ask for a job." Totally my style.

Jan 18, 2025 7:50:44 PM Me

I got triggered.

Jan 18, 2025 7:53:25 PM Me

--ur mom came down and we talked about why I just walked away from her in the kitchen. I explained that I got triggered by something she said and I felt like a little kid, and that before all this I would've just sat there and soaked and listened to whatever she said and just sit there in my trigger and beat myself up for not being good enough. So the only way right now I know how to not be around something that's triggered me is to get up and leave and walk away. If I stay with the trigger it's too overwhelming

Jan 18, 2025 7:53:42 PM Me

I think the DBT therapy will help me with this because it's behavior based on outside stimuli

Jan 18, 2025 7:57:44 PM Me

Anyway it's been an even more shit day than the normal shit day. I hit really deep pain today and has made me cry a lot Ive done nothing on computer or online in 3 days because the depression has taken away motivation, and the anhedonia takes any and all fun I would find there. Ive tried forcing myself, and for me, it simply doesnt work. K, think I may go to bed. All teary, headache and depressed.

Jan 18, 2025 8:00:40 PM Me

Sux. I woke up not feeling the depression in my head, but when I realized I was stuck inside it appeared. Not drastic like the anxiety attack I had upstairs, but slow moving like syrup. Its there and noticed. Then before you know it you're in the venus fly trap of depression.

Jan 19, 2025 2:37:47 PM Me

-- hey Made it to coffee at spruce. Felt the dark coming and got out in the cold before it took over. Pushing more social media out for awareness. Setup Patreon. Get it on the site. Post to my Instagram about new art and mission along with patreon. Going to ask ppl if they want to help hit me up on Patreon. I'll get the connected to all the socials. Then next focus is youtube channel. Have a backlog of audio and video to publish. Saw a guy on YT share a video about going homeless and how society abandons you — WORD! Thats going to be a video I need to record, ASAP Maybe make it a series, instead of one brain dump. Maybe rack up views and get some subscribers??? Who TF knows.

Jan 19, 2025 3:43:58 PM Me

hello?

Jan 20, 2025 12:11:11 PM Me

Jan 20, 2025 10:27:38 PM Me

https://www.fractionaljobs.io/blog/how-i-built-a-coo-agent-with-gpt-4-to-run-my-fractional-marketing-business

Jan 21, 2025 11:07:09 AM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Testing text thread

Jan 21, 2025 11:16:34 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Jan 21, 2025 11:17:43 AM Me

this is definitely worth the watch. If you want to pursue the restaunteur knowledge man ONLINE — BAM! These systems will help

Jan 21, 2025 3:46:23 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Jan 21, 2025 4:20:47 PM Me

Jan 22, 2025 2:33:37 AM Me

watched this whole thing. I have a god damn road map for the parts I didnt know how to do and this guy talks and explains in a way that TOTALLy makes sense to my spock brain.

Jan 22, 2025 2:33:39 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

Jan 22, 2025 12:25:50 PM Me

GM- These are the top five things that will get you traction in the digital world we live in. Make it scary, if it bleeds it leads. People are interested by strangeness. Sexy I don’t think I need to explain. There has to be free value in what you’re sharing. And the last is familiarity what you call Parasocial relationships. It’s like the idea you feel you know a musician because you listen to their music and watch their interviews even though you’ve never met them. That’s Parasocial relationship relationships And that breeds familiarity. You get this familiarity through seven hours of consumption over 11 interactions across four platforms — I check every box for my ideas, and I think your restaurant thing would do the same thing — Scary Strange Sexy Free Value Familiarity-ParaSocial—7/11/4 7 hours 11 interactions 4 platforms

Jan 22, 2025 12:26:09 PM Me

I imagine the little outline above makes sense to you because I know you consume a lot of the stuff

Jan 22, 2025 12:26:33 PM Me

I’ve never heard it put this way and like I said it makes sense to my brain so I can compartmentalize it and make it work for me

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Jan 22, 2025 3:42:18 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I had AI give me the entire text transcript of that video. And I may download a copy of the video. Have some new media plugins for the browser

Jan 22, 2025 3:43:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Drug Paperwork is moving today. Meet with CareCoordinator this Friday AM. Sent her links to PDF’s I already shared. Printed PDFs at Trees today. Walked over and back for Body Movin, we be getting down.,,.. Beasties… Sorry

Jan 22, 2025 3:44:35 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Anyhow, I have not felt this inspiried or motivated to get after it with something like this is in a very long time.

Jan 22, 2025 3:46:40 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Lets just say the universe is talking to me. What I’m focused on, and spending time on makes sense. Done convincing myself its not worth doing. I’ve done that for 30 years. I can remember sitting at JEnsen Design in 1998 thinkning, why would I make a blog talking about how to make websites. Jeffery Zeldman already does that and hes in NYC and WHY WOULD ANYONE LISTEN TO ME — WHO THE FUCK AM I TO SAY SHIT ABOUT THIS NEW STUFF????

Jan 22, 2025 6:53:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I Know this all too well

Jan 22, 2025 6:53:55 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Lots of opportunities slipped by due to imposter syndrome as well

Jan 22, 2025 3:47:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Always murdering ideas and ambition.

Jan 22, 2025 3:50:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I was up until 3am. Couldnt sleep after watching DOAC yesterday. So many things dredged back from the depths of memory while thinking through everything in my head in context of the content in that video. Here’s my deal.

Jan 22, 2025 3:50:18 PM Me

1. Chasing a corporate design job, while paid and insured well, has been fraught with misery working to make it happen — fact. Cant control outcomes there.

Jan 22, 2025 3:51:17 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2. Mental Health - currently fluctuates with the weather, and still not 100% managed, and in check to allow me unfettered investement of available time into the next bullet points

Jan 22, 2025 3:51:56 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

3. I am working on new meds, DBT therapy. Not sitting on my laurels. All good.

Jan 22, 2025 3:58:05 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

4. What do I have of value inside of me? 5. Professional Experience (30 years imagining, designing and buildng with every technology that’s come along since CSS in 1998) 6. Life Experience: 40 years of Depression, 2 college degrees-4 years. Raised 3 boys, coached competitive soccer (herding cats), managed personalities and their bubbles. 22 years marriage, 30 yr relationship that crashed. 18 months living in car, no job, depression, suicide, staying tethered. 7. I’m good at figuring shit out and solving problems where there aren’t many guideposts. 8. I learned ALOT on my own, through my own curiosity and trial/error — TEDIOUS crazy shit I used to do spend hours on something that can be done with AI in 10 seconds. U know.

Jan 22, 2025 3:59:53 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

9. AI presents SAME SCENARIO AS 1997 — Web before CSS — to me — is liken to AI showing up. NO ONE but the nerds who wrote browser code to implement CSS in browsers KNEW HOW TO USE IT. The rest of us were like kids in bumper cards trying things, banging into each other until you learned how the bumper car always tilts to the left…..

Jan 22, 2025 4:00:52 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

10. RIGHT NOW — as I saw in that video, we are in the same period of time as the early web. So many people have NO FUCKING IDEA what they are doing, but they’re doing — just like we did.

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Jan 22, 2025 4:02:27 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

11. NO GONADS WHEN 25 — I HAD THE CHANCE to share my stuff and get noticed back then and go public, write, speak at conferences, etc. IF I HAD BACK THEN — WTFK — I could be a modern digital media mogul right now. BUT the universe had other plans for me.

Jan 22, 2025 4:04:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

12. I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE. I dont care about posting crap online. I want to leave something online that has some value — AND ONE DAY — I’ll have Sir David Attenboroughs AI voice talk about the CAVE MAN TIMES OF AI when I’m doing all this work with AI right now.

Jan 22, 2025 4:04:56 PM Me

13. I’M TINKERING WITH AI THE WAY I TINKERED WITH HTML/CSS/JAVASCRIPT 27 YEARS AGO

Jan 22, 2025 4:07:25 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Document, edit, produce, publish my entire process of building a NEW BRAND, Bert.ForSale — from the perspective of an old-school web builder using AI to help him DO THINGS THAT ARE INATE in my head, but now I can ask AI to do the drudgery.

Jan 22, 2025 4:08:52 PM Me

What I document is shared through, video, YouTube, podcast, blog posts, and images. I share the process of FLYING THE PLANE AS I BUILD IT, AND YOU GET TO JOIN ME FOR THE RIDE!

Jan 22, 2025 4:13:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

1. AI is a SCARY TIME 2. I’m STRANGE. I’m Bert, nuff said. 3. I’m too sexy for my shirt, but would never say it out loud 4. Free Value sharing my early years experience, BUT now with AI. 5. ParaSocial — 7 / 11 / 4 1. YouTube — BertDotForSale 2. Podcast — Bert Not Ernie 3. Website — Bert.ForSale 4. Social Media — Insta, Pinterest, Facebook

Jan 22, 2025 4:15:36 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So I document and share building a platform to sell my mental health awareness artwork — which is in and of itself AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BRAND from Bert, the webguy…. who was that guy back then???

Jan 22, 2025 4:15:39 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

2009….

Jan 22, 2025 4:15:51 PM (Read by them after 19 seconds) Me

🤯

Jan 22, 2025 4:15:55 PM (Read by them after 25 seconds) Me

Berchman.com

Jan 22, 2025 4:16:34 PM Me

its been sitting around gathering dust, BUT been online continuously since 1998/99.

Jan 22, 2025 4:17:32 PM Me

Going to use Berchman.com to publish the blog, podcast, YouTube channel Documenting Everything in BUILDNG Bert.ForSale

Jan 22, 2025 4:18:42 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 25 seconds) Me

The mountain I’m sitting on is I know how to do all this stuff FROM SCRATCH. That’s my value and I can be real with people, not bullshit them, and help them NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.

Jan 22, 2025 4:18:44 PM (Read by them after 4 minutes, 23 seconds) Me

k

Jan 22, 2025 4:19:18 PM (Read by them after 3 minutes, 49 seconds) Me

done brain dumping. Back to media production. Already have first episode podcast recorded on my walk from Trees.

Jan 22, 2025 4:20:45 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 22 seconds) Me

last thing. I mention it in the podcast and it will be a BIG THEME throughout. FEAR. That’s what’s stopped me my whole life. Fear manifests in many forms and I’ll talk about that too.

Jan 22, 2025 4:20:51 PM (Read by them after 2 minutes, 17 seconds) Me

You’ll see

Jan 22, 2025 4:21:42 PM (Read by them after 1 minute, 26 seconds) Me

This all crystalized in my head this morning when I got up

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Jan 22, 2025 6:53:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I Know this all too well
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Jan 22, 2025 6:53:55 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 40 minutes, 2 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Lots of opportunities slipped by due to imposter syndrome as well
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Jan 23, 2025 10:29:06 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Jan 23, 2025 10:29:33 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Audio done. Now to edit with my video Channel Intro video — 60 seconds

Jan 23, 2025 10:29:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I have a TON of content already in the queue.

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Jan 23, 2025 10:30:03 PM Me

You will start to see it tomorrow.

Jan 23, 2025 10:30:09 PM Me

k, bed time

Jan 23, 2025 11:10:00 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

did you listen? that’s roughly 60 seconds. Tomorrow I’ll add motion to the words and have my YouTube Channel intro video 😊 I’ll also dual use it as intro for the podcast as well. 😊

Jan 24, 2025 11:42:52 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

hola

Jan 24, 2025 11:43:01 AM Me

ur mom and sister are well on their way

Jan 24, 2025 11:43:18 AM Me

you been living inside the tornado?

Jan 24, 2025 11:46:20 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I ask because something hit me hard this past week with LOTS of clarity. I have a HUGE blindspot in society/cultural memory. HUGE section of music I didnt listen to, so there are gaps. I discover an artist recently who i LOVE, but what I found is 10-15 years old. My point is — the years I was BUSY raising three boys, 2006-2018, I missed SO MUCH. You’re there right now.

Jan 24, 2025 11:48:44 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— PS, got Lizs documents for divorce paperwork. Next step is for me to draft a Marriage Agreement Document that spells out the specifics. I have an LLM that is a CA Family Attorney I’ve been using as a consultant to make sure I’m checking all the boxes and following process.

Jan 24, 2025 11:49:00 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I wrote the following in the email back to her, but cut it out just before sending:

Jan 24, 2025 11:49:06 AM Me

You should be liable for my living expenses since I removed myself from the house at YOUR request, and did so without objection. I could have stayed in the house and required a court order to force me out, but I did not. I have the right to live the lifestyle I had become accustomed to nearly 25 years of living on campus — as you know I was not living at that standard because I did not have the resources. I lost employement through no fault of my own. I was being extraordinarily gracious considering my personal circumstances. I put your wishes ahead of my need for basic life essentials—access to food and shelter—and did so for over 18 months. I've made no fuss about this until now.

Jan 24, 2025 11:50:43 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I realize its a petty part of my personality, part shadow, that always feels done over by people and simply wants to be acknowleged. So I told it thank you and we’re done.

Jan 24, 2025 2:59:49 PM (Read by you after 35 minutes, 46 seconds) +13038752587

Hey, the video pretty good actually really good. The one thing was the call the action at the end give a compelling reason like what’s in it for them instead of it’ll be worth your time. I actually what do they get by insights tricks tips and stuff that nature for your action, that was perfect and I know you can edit it, new action close out is good. I haven’t read the rest of your text messages yet. I will check them out when I get a few moments somewhere between now and the day. I’ll talk to you soon.

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Jan 24, 2025 4:34:09 PM (Read by you after 17 hours, 21 minutes, 43 seconds) +13038752587

Just re read that - talk to text missed some words. Basic message was add a new call to action to the end that has compelling reasons (what is in it for them) to sign up.

Jan 25, 2025 12:37:04 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

hi

Jan 25, 2025 5:41:51 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 52 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

Hello

Jan 25, 2025 5:41:57 PM (Read by you after 2 hours, 51 minutes, 56 seconds) +13038752587

Back at work

Jan 25, 2025 8:33:52 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

YouTube

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Jan 25, 2025 8:33:53 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

The name of the project. Modern AI Web Machine. Has its own channel.

Jan 25, 2025 9:11:16 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

YouTube

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Jan 25, 2025 9:11:38 PM Me

This message was deleted from the conversation!

YouTube

Jan 26, 2025 9:02:44 AM Me

— Hey. Gm Woke up feeling crap. Been stuck inside for 3days now. feel incredibly isolated and alone, but no means to go out. Its going to be like this for a long time. As soon as the car is taken I go backwards by a year. It will take me at lear a year before I’ll have a car again, if ever. Depressions triggered. So much for thinking anythings changed or going to be different. K, I’ll likely be in bed all day because I have no reason to be awake or alive. Im alive, but isolated from the world not living stuck in the basement.

Jan 26, 2025 9:06:14 AM Me

Yesterday on a FaceTime call my father asked me why I came to Colorado? I said because everyone wanted me to leave California. Or at least that’s what I thought. The way he was talking to me and acting towards me was an attitude of you’re making wrong decisions, you’re not doing things right And everything would be better for you if you moved to New York because we have a job for you we have an apartment for you and you have people here you know.

Jan 26, 2025 9:08:17 AM Me

The thing nobody seems to fucking understand is if I go to Waterford you’re punching my ticket to leave Earth If I go to Waterford I will die from my own hand. I know this to be true but it’s hard to tell my father if I come back to where I grew up I’m going to kill myself. That doesn’t go over very well

Jan 26, 2025 9:10:03 AM Me

So my Sunday is sitting alone in the basement with a new mindfuck and triggered into my depression. my plan today is to do my laundry, vacuum the floor maybe, and then lay in bed the rest of the day because I feel like shit and have no means to leave the house.

Jan 26, 2025 9:13:06 AM Me

This is really weird too because all my astrology for the past couple weeks has said I’m going to meet someone significant and potentially life-changing. Nothing like that happens when you’re sitting alone in the basement hot day at night. Knowing that makes things alot worse psychologically because there’s the idea or hope that something or someone is out there and I have no way to connect and move my life forward. I sit alone in the dark while time and the world blow by.

Jan 26, 2025 9:13:17 AM Me

K. Done

Jan 26, 2025 9:13:32 AM Me

Maybe text u tomorrow

Jan 26, 2025 12:27:37 PM Me

— Up awake. Depression and Ideation Full strength because Im going no where fast. Despite recording and doing a lot of shit I haven’t gotten anything of substance done online. I started building the website for the artwork back at Thanksgiving, it’s two months later and nothing’s fucking happened.

Jan 26, 2025 12:28:03 PM Me

Discouraged and want to give up.

Jan 26, 2025 12:29:05 PM Me

Anyway nobody’s paying attention to me today so I’ll just say fuck it all. Tapping out is REALLY STRONG

Jan 26, 2025 12:50:18 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 29 seconds) +13038752587

Skiing with the girls

Jan 26, 2025 12:50:32 PM (Read by you after 24 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Loved your first transmission

Jan 26, 2025 1:14:59 PM Me

Just dont want to be here. Or anywhere. Just want this all to be over.

Jan 26, 2025 1:15:02 PM Me

Everything is fucking pointless

Jan 26, 2025 1:15:33 PM (Read by you after 11 minutes, 15 seconds) +13038752587

Go out for a walk. Find gratitude for the things you have. Stop dwelling on what you are lacking.

Jan 26, 2025 1:17:28 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

I know the words are easily said and the motivation is low/why bother. Do it anyway.

Jan 26, 2025 1:16:38 PM (Read by you after 10 minutes, 10 seconds) +13038752587

By the way - did you ever get a difinitive answer from you your Uncle about the car?

Jan 26, 2025 1:17:28 PM (Read by you after 9 minutes, 20 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

I know the words are easily said and the motivation is low/why bother. Do it anyway.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 26, 2025 1:27:17 PM Me

I did and it didn’t help

Jan 26, 2025 1:28:06 PM +13038752587

Also, you have the whole house to hangout in - no need to isolate in the basement

Jan 26, 2025 1:29:19 PM ⇲ Me

I just stay in the basement it’s where I live. Going upstairs doesnt help. Its like Im on Mars. 10 feet dont help

Jan 26, 2025 1:28:15 PM Me

I cried the whole time and then got more triggered cause I can’t buy any food and can’t go to the coffee shop So sit alone and can’t get the fuck out of my head.

Jan 26, 2025 1:29:19 PM ⇱ Me

I just stay in the basement it’s where I live. Going upstairs doesnt help. Its like Im on Mars. 10 feet dont help
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Jan 26, 2025 1:30:47 PM +13038752587

Offline for a bit. Oh the football playoffs are on. Right now.

Jan 26, 2025 1:30:52 PM Me

Im punishing myself because I FUCKING DESERVE IT. Im a worthless loser. Have 19months of living and going nowhere to prove it.

Jan 26, 2025 1:31:01 PM Me

Cant shake it

Jan 26, 2025 1:31:08 PM +13038752587

Go get a cup of coffee

Jan 26, 2025 1:33:09 PM Me

Going to sleep away the day. No money for coffee. Have $2 and wont have money until I literally trade my blood for it

Jan 26, 2025 1:34:24 PM Me

— I need to catch a big break. Or Im not going to be around much longer.

Jan 26, 2025 1:35:03 PM (Read by you after 1 second) +13038752587

Are you sure you dint have money 💴

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Jan 26, 2025 1:37:02 PM ⇲ Me

$2, Ive checked and i only have lint and my incapable hands in my pockets.

Jan 26, 2025 1:36:55 PM +13038752587

Check Venmo

Jan 26, 2025 1:37:02 PM ⇱ Me

$2, Ive checked and i only have lint and my incapable hands in my pockets.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 26, 2025 1:40:15 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 54 minutes, 19 seconds) +13038752587

Check again

Jan 26, 2025 2:25:56 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 38 seconds) +13038752587

I sent 4 cups

Jan 26, 2025 3:34:45 PM Me

🙏

Jan 26, 2025 5:54:28 PM Me

I was texting my brother, and this idea crystallized in a response to him. This is something I’ve mentioned to you before, the idea of getting all of my text messages to you, anyhow I’m putting it in Notion as a side project — “ I had this great idea for another project. I know that my text threads with individual people like you or Darrell or my boys go back to the beginning somewhere. I’m working with AI to figure out a way to download all of my text messages from a single person as individual. TXT files in chronological order I have my living in the car experience chronicled in my text messages with Darrell. If I can get all of those out I could do a cool podcast having AI read it as my voice Hell, I could publish a book. Self publish on Amazon

Jan 26, 2025 7:47:59 PM Me

Jan 26, 2025 7:47:59 PM Me

Easier than typing

Jan 27, 2025 7:39:51 AM Me

gM How is ur leg?

Jan 27, 2025 7:40:05 AM Me

U home?

Jan 27, 2025 8:26:57 AM Me

Jan 27, 2025 11:51:46 AM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 24 seconds) +13038752587

Heading to get MRI

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Jan 27, 2025 11:56:23 AM Me

Keep me posted.

Jan 27, 2025 11:57:06 AM Me

Dont end up like him 🤣🤣

Jan 27, 2025 12:16:36 PM (Read by you after 12 minutes, 25 seconds) +13038752587

Haha - already doing laps on the stairs

Jan 27, 2025 12:29:17 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Diagnosis already?

Jan 27, 2025 12:41:47 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 8 minutes, 7 seconds) +13038752587

No - but crutches not slowing me down too much

Jan 27, 2025 2:50:30 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 2 seconds) +13038752587

What are the tennis shoes you like? Vivo Barefoot

Jan 28, 2025 9:25:25 AM Me

I like no drop shoes. Just thin rubber between u and ground.

Jan 28, 2025 9:25:30 AM Me

GM

Jan 28, 2025 9:25:44 AM Me

Let me know how your scan turns out and what your prognosis is

Jan 28, 2025 9:26:23 AM Me

Also, if you’re going to be sitting around on your butt, I could get you started on the restaurant project

Jan 28, 2025 9:40:25 AM (Read by you after 31 minutes, 45 seconds) +13038752587

Scan complete - waiting on doctor to read it and let me know. Appt with orthopedic tomorrow

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Jan 28, 2025 10:13:54 AM Me

Id remind them were in the age of AI. The minute the scans done a machine can give you a better diagnosis, and instantly. I can see exactly this issue playing out with doctors not wanting to relinquish control of that process

Jan 28, 2025 10:14:55 AM Me

I’ll comment that one of my pet peeves with the human experience is that society or the world moves too slowly when it comes to implementing change that will make things better from a logical common sense view

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Jan 28, 2025 10:42:50 AM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://www.brandbucket.com/names/futurepedia

Jan 28, 2025 10:43:58 AM Me

good channel :

Jan 28, 2025 10:43:59 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Jan 28, 2025 10:44:06 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ai art tools

Jan 28, 2025 10:44:16 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

so much free stuff

Jan 28, 2025 10:45:32 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Jan 28, 2025 11:26:55 AM Me

—

Jan 28, 2025 11:47:04 AM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

The enormity of my situation is crushing me mentally today. Triggers like the notice above, and the emails from Capital One. —Divorce paperwork, draft finished today —Doing this work depresses me no matter what —Ccrying as I write this and think about it —Health Insurance-new doctors for teeth and eyes —Blood Donation Appt need to be scheduled —Car Repossession — emailing me more and more. —Losing all cloud services, no $$$ —Storage Unit Pmt Due —Waiting on Spravato, earliest would be March. But its free.

Jan 28, 2025 12:49:52 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

good seth today:

Jan 28, 2025 12:49:52 PM (Read by them after 15 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Jan 28, 2025 12:49:58 PM (Read by them after 10 seconds) Me

Ties AI in at the end

Jan 28, 2025 2:51:18 PM Me

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/samipackard_im-turning-40-next-week-below-are-key-moments-activity-7287588755681488896-jf_9

Jan 28, 2025 2:51:19 PM Me

Like the way she took stock of the year. Good Template to prompt from.

Jan 29, 2025 9:41:58 AM Me

Gm Lmk what ur days r like now ur leg is tweaked

Jan 29, 2025 11:50:48 AM Me

Lmk

Jan 29, 2025 12:45:12 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Torn ACL, partial tear meniscus, sprain MCL, mild bone bruise on tibia Deciding on options for surgery and timing ⏱️

Jan 29, 2025 12:45:17 PM (Read by you after 1 hour, 27 minutes) +13038752587

Jan 29, 2025 2:12:31 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Reacted 🤯 to “Torn ACL, partial tear meniscus, sprain MCL, mild bone bruise on tibia Deciding on options for surgery and timing ⏱️ ”

Jan 29, 2025 2:17:47 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

very shitty — so sorry to hear that. knees are delicate, as you’ve disovered. you don’t realize how much until one is messed up. I watched Dale go thru that and lost some of his senior year of soccer because of gimp knee — cost him a scholarship somewhere for sure. You remember how good he was at soccer. He had one knee replaced, and not sure about the other… Anyhow I digress.. So injury/surgery/physical therapy… how much time you looking at? 1 month, 3 months, 6 months?? And help me out here. I seem to remember a big ski injury when u were younger.

Jan 29, 2025 7:14:28 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 46 minutes, 33 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

6-9months No major ski injury before Car accident

Jan 29, 2025 2:23:09 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

So, if you want, and you have the time/bandwidth, you could follow me along on my “Modern AI Web Machine” (I luv that f*ckn name BTW)

Jan 29, 2025 7:14:28 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 46 minutes, 33 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

6-9months No major ski injury before Car accident
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Jan 30, 2025 12:29:40 AM (Read by them after 7 seconds) Me

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Jan 30, 2025 1:05:46 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Jan 30, 2025 10:11:43 AM Me

GM keep waking up into fear I cant focus between the fear and depression Feeling pressure to “get on with it” and get my shit together. Get on where? What is it? Overwhelmed with failure today, and crying. Feeling broken and deeply wrong. Its money. Psychological attachment to it. Im not OK when I have zero$ Its a hard pattern with me. And since I basically never have money, Im NEVER relaxed or at ease. I wake up into stress and fear EVERY DAY Freaking out subconsciously all day about money. But no matter what, Im ALWAYS BROKE and I fucking hate it with a passion. Just feeling fucked over

Jan 30, 2025 10:17:26 AM Me

Ive stopped applying to jobs, pointless exercise right now

Jan 30, 2025 12:36:21 PM (Read by you after 46 seconds) +13038752587

What are the steps to get some funds coming in? 1. Phone 2. Dash while you have your car. 3. Are you doing blood donor still?

Jan 30, 2025 12:39:41 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

1. As in sell my phone? Done understand that one. 2. Have not dashed in a long time. No car insurance. Getting in accident with someone not paying attention so I can deliver someones $20 lunch for $5 in my pocket, isn’t worth the risk—to me. I’ll be arrested, and owe ALOT more than I’m making. 3. Yes. Following up with them today.

Jan 30, 2025 12:39:56 PM Me

To keep car I have to come up with $2k.

Jan 30, 2025 12:40:12 PM Me

$2k now. not over time. now.

Jan 30, 2025 12:43:30 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

I need to call them too. I dont want the car repossessed, but cant pay money when I dont have any. I’ve applied to King super 3 times, done the Target, HomeDepot, Lowes route — nothing. People suggesting to “walk in” and ask don’t understand that the employees tell you they dont do anything with that, including managers. They tell you “its all done online.” This is the world we live in now, and my parents and your Mom are in another dimension. They simply cannot understand why no one will hire me. I’m either overqualified, or if I dont mention my work history, they dont want me at all. All they see is OLD GUY.

Jan 30, 2025 12:45:24 PM Me

trying to be a non-shitty day but I’m here doing divorce paperwork realizing that I still harbor anger towards Liz for wanting to go thru with this divorce — after all the sacrifice to put Triathlon in front of everything else for 10 years and I get dumped right before Kona.

Jan 30, 2025 12:46:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And I know in Elizabeth’s circle I’m seen as some kind of monster — I know because why would Aidan be so AGRO towards me unless he’s hearing smack talk at Joannas house????

Jan 30, 2025 12:48:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Dont matter. When I share my story on YouTube I’ll mention all the years of NO sex, and the emotional and psychological abuse that came from that, and the triggering of my depression from feeling invisible in my own house.

Jan 30, 2025 12:49:33 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

RIght now just sad I cant go to coffee again. Spent all my coffee money. I finally figured out that its root cause is connection. I habitually go to coffee shops to maintain some kind of connection to society and the outside world. Otherwise I’m just in my head and the basement.

Jan 30, 2025 12:49:47 PM Me

ok, stuff to do and I’m depressed

Jan 30, 2025 1:08:59 PM Me

— I would be happy with $20 a day to spend. That, if consistent, would be more money than I’ve had since June 2023. K, I may try to go outside for a walk. Depression is intensifying because of “all the things” Money Work of some kind Divorce Car Repo Independent Living Now I have more on my plate with car repo ☹️ more stress, not less And having a basic car is not an ego thing it’s a practical functional thing. It’s not having transportation that’s the mindfuck. When the car is literally gone it’s gonna fuck me up and I know it

Jan 30, 2025 1:11:14 PM Me

I’m in this weird space where I’m too frozen emotionally and psychologically to deal with the stress of the car and all of this simultaneously it’s just too overwhelming to have it all in my head at the same time I’m in a space where I’m in capable of helping myself. For example the car people want me to call them yet I can’t get beyond the shame I have around not being able to pay . I have a lot of failure tied up in that and the shame of not meeting your obligations and failing at all of “the rat race”

Jan 30, 2025 1:12:31 PM Me

K, not sure if u watched my video or not. All morning been depression just got done with that meeting and now I am just gonna sit inside the rest of the day I just feel bad and I’ve got lots of depressed thinking going on in my head

Jan 30, 2025 1:12:52 PM Me

Not good enuf

Jan 30, 2025 1:13:10 PM Me

Core belief for me

Jan 30, 2025 1:16:56 PM (Read by you after 4 minutes, 30 seconds) +13038752587

One bite at a time / what’s is the top priority. Do just that one. And do it one bite at a time. Go for a walk. Breathe in the air. Meditate on a bench.

Jan 30, 2025 1:22:15 PM Me

thanks for the reminder of the Elephant I have on my plate 😊 I was riffing in my mind about it yesterday.

Jan 30, 2025 1:24:27 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

First is get the Marriage Settlement Agreement final draft done. Its 85%.there. I’ve been consistently pushing it off subconsciously. I know what behaviors are going on. Despite being enlightened, I still fall into my old ego suit and cling — because its familiar and comfortable, despite inflicting your own suffering thru a delusion, or story that you believe to your core.

Jan 30, 2025 1:27:12 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

Its a MASSIVE part of, and fuel for the depression my level of AWARENESS of every symptom, psychological sensations, body sensations, spacetime sensations. Aware of it all, and feel relatively well schooled in the topics so that I can have a slightly above par conversation with mental health professionals. Its not every day you hear someone mention their “anhedonia”

Jan 30, 2025 1:27:37 PM +13038752587

Good introspection- now finish 15%

Jan 30, 2025 1:27:50 PM Me

that’s going to be my personal YT channel — shit like the above

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Jan 30, 2025 1:28:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

with my love of metaphors and infographics

Jan 30, 2025 1:28:25 PM Me

would be fun videos to create

Jan 30, 2025 1:29:12 PM Me

— one question. how do your days roll out now with the knee? you’re obviously not on your feet, so wonder about work/home time.

Jan 31, 2025 8:58:58 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 56 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Each day I get more mobile. Not running around but able to move about.going to venture downstairs today to get house things done.

Jan 31, 2025 8:59:09 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Bills insurance etc

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Jan 30, 2025 1:46:09 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 42 seconds) +13038752587

At hotel

Jan 30, 2025 1:46:46 PM (Read by you after 3 minutes, 5 seconds) +13038752587

Less on feet time. Catching up on paperwork

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Jan 30, 2025 1:52:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

good seth today. I struggle with this question. Is focusing on what I shared in the video the right thing to work on. Or should I go bag groceries? “What sort of progress? Are you headed in the right direction??”

Jan 30, 2025 1:52:14 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

Seth's Blog

Jan 30, 2025 1:56:01 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

my existential crisis. share my experience with the Internet, or go back into my shell???? That is the crossroads I’m at. Go have a safe life, don’t take risks, and I got the pension and benefits. Great. I have to sell the remaining time I have on Earth making someone else richs with something I cant make more of. I know you know I no longer buy into this capitalist pyramid scheme.

Jan 30, 2025 7:36:59 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

getting caught in triggers all day/night. didnt sleep well last night. Tired.

Jan 30, 2025 7:37:06 PM Me

How are you doing? How is the leg?

Jan 30, 2025 10:12:51 PM Me

Buehler?

Jan 30, 2025 10:14:06 PM (Read by you after 45 minutes, 55 seconds) +13038752587

Just git home I’ll reach out tomorrow

Jan 31, 2025 8:58:58 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 56 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Each day I get more mobile. Not running around but able to move about.going to venture downstairs today to get house things done.
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 31, 2025 8:59:09 AM (Read by you after 52 minutes, 45 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Bills insurance etc

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Jan 31, 2025 12:28:53 PM Me

— GA. Universe is pushing lots of content my way related to what my brain has been focused on. Going to watch this one next.

Jan 31, 2025 12:28:54 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-build-profitable-business-2025-step-matt-gray--bkese

Jan 31, 2025 12:29:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

And this is amazing. click one button and auto-content.

Jan 31, 2025 12:29:16 PM Me

YouTube

Jan 31, 2025 12:29:34 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

YouTube

Jan 31, 2025 1:40:51 PM (Read by them after 4 seconds) Me

| Worthlessness is the core of everything. Its where everything started that made me into the freak I am today. Creating negative judgements is a practice that can consume our time and energy. "Creating negative judgements is a practice that can consume our time and energy.” So much so that it consumed the 50+ years of my life.
Edited 21 seconds later | Worthlessness is the core of everything. Its where everything started that made me into the freak I am today. "Creating negative judgements is a practice that can consume our time and energy.” So much so that it consumed the 50+ years of my life.

Jan 31, 2025 1:41:49 PM (Read by them after 6 seconds) Me

For 5 days I’ve been recording stuff with a mountain of content from the past couple of months.

Jan 31, 2025 1:44:03 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Feeling lost, confused, and general depression. - car reposession looming - divorce paperwork - finding a new doctor for everything - depression - unemployment - rejection - societal + capitalist outcast - no home of my own I feel each one individually

Jan 31, 2025 2:30:03 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— hola, any chance on earth I could bum $10? planning on coffeeshop weekend and really get this online. All the channels setup and with content. its incredible how much there is to do, just to get it off the ground properly. As a bonus, I’ll add you into my Top Tier Patreon membership for free 😊 $100 a month value (yes that’s my top tier — basically I’ll answer any questions for you on that level membership.

Jan 31, 2025 4:22:35 PM ⇲ Me

Following up

Jan 31, 2025 4:59:03 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 5 minutes, 29 seconds) ⇲ +13038752587

Sent

Jan 31, 2025 2:50:26 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

ping

Jan 31, 2025 2:53:48 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

I'm a po boy. cant even afford the "or" thats how po.

Jan 31, 2025 3:18:45 PM Me

wow. panic attack just now.

Jan 31, 2025 3:19:17 PM Me

havent had one of those in a LONG time. skin is crawling on arms, cold sweat. massive desire to pack up and leave fast

Jan 31, 2025 3:19:32 PM Me

the feeling is very old, but familiar.

Jan 31, 2025 3:20:14 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

fuck, no respite, no relief. working on divorce settlement draft, dealing with writing text related to money and what I want.

Jan 31, 2025 3:20:46 PM Me

more stressful than you can imagine. and you know how much psychological prep and thinking I’ve had related to this.

Jan 31, 2025 3:21:14 PM Me

going to try and do 20 min nap / meditation.

Jan 31, 2025 3:21:27 PM Me

this sux. today has been another lost day

Jan 31, 2025 3:21:38 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

FUCK ME

Jan 31, 2025 4:22:35 PM ⇱ Me

Following up
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 31, 2025 4:59:03 PM (Read by you after 3 hours, 5 minutes, 29 seconds) ⇱ +13038752587

Sent
This message responded to an earlier message.

Jan 31, 2025 7:10:34 PM Me

🙏

Jan 31, 2025 7:13:58 PM Me

"I have a churchy weekend ahead." Heard at dinner

Feb 01, 2025 10:14:07 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

"I have a churchy weekend ahead." Heard at dinner last night

Feb 01, 2025 10:14:14 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

GM

Feb 01, 2025 10:14:32 AM Me

Go Live is today ferme.

Feb 01, 2025 10:31:22 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

-with the help of AI, one of my goals today is having a folder set, so that, when a file shows up its processed and all the files/exports needed show up. This will use a combo of Shortcuts, Automator, and AppleScript to pull off one conversion. I’ve looked into some of it already. One thing I know is once I have the means to pay for IFTTT, Claude/Gemini/GPT, Make, and whatever else I need to.

Feb 01, 2025 10:32:29 AM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— Had an idea for you if you’re game. lmk

Feb 01, 2025 3:32:15 PM Me

fun times

Feb 01, 2025 3:32:16 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

llamacoder.io

Feb 01, 2025 4:20:57 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

u know this one?

Feb 01, 2025 4:20:57 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

https://whataicandotoday.com/

Feb 01, 2025 4:20:57 PM (Read by them after 3 seconds) Me

registry of what new app, bots, whatevers, are happening. Kinda like ProductHunt for AI

Feb 01, 2025 4:28:46 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— see if I can take one of the strategies I see online and make a headless/faceless TikTok channel. Will take this for a spin and let you know:

Feb 01, 2025 4:28:46 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Automate your video shorts like a boss.

Feb 01, 2025 4:30:13 PM (Read by them after 1 second) Me

— This is a VALUABLE tool. Get the entire transcript of any YouTube video.

Feb 01, 2025 4:30:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Task Mind

Feb 01, 2025 4:30:13 PM (Read by them after 2 seconds) Me

Useful for pulling text into AI and work with it.