# Bert's Graduation Closing Circle **Charlie Health — Wednesday Group** --- ## Opening: The Poem **Gina (Facilitator):** We could start with the poem and then go around? I don't know which comes first or the way that it's written in the script. The poem doesn't come first in the thing, but we can start with the poem. It doesn't matter. Bert, do you want to read the poem? Do you want me to read it? You want someone else to read it? **Bert:** You could read it. **Gina:** Alright. Please. I have to remember my manners. My mom would be so proud. Alright, everyone. So hopefully you could see this clearly. The poem is *Our Greatest Fear*. Charlie Health has inserted this poem as part of the closing circle ceremony of graduation. I just love it. It's adapted from M. Williamson. --- > *Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.* > *Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.* > *It is not our light — not our darkness — that most frightens us.* > *We ask ourselves, who am I to be so powerful?* > *Who am I to be so beautiful inside? So meaningful, so fully worthy to shine and be me in this world?* > *Actually, who are you not to be?* > *You are a child of the universe.* > *Your playing small does not serve the planet.* > *There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.* > *The light of the universe, spacious and expanding, is in you.* > *It's not just in some of us. It's in everyone.* > *And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.* > *As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.* > *And that is our greatest fear.* --- **Bert:** It's very interesting to hear that today compared to — I don't know — maybe the first closing circle, the first time I heard it. Where my head was, where I was psychologically, the soup I was in... I didn't hear it the way I heard it today. There were some things about it that, as you read them, I'm like — yeah, I feel that, I get that. Before, I didn't. For sure. For example, the getting small to make other people comfortable. I mean, I've done that since kindergarten. I still do it. Although now I'm very conscious of it — very aware of it. I know when I'm doing it. I know why I'm doing it. So that in and of itself is massive, in terms of being able to see it in yourself and sort of reframe it in a way that it's not *using* you. Not driving the bus anymore. When the emotions and the stories take over and take you places you don't want to go — yeah, the standing in your power thing very much falls into opposite action behavior. That dialectical tool of opposite action — it's not just opposite behavior, actually. It's an opposite way of *being*. Not just behavior. A deeply embedded way. Yeah, there were parts of that, when you were reading it, that really struck me differently than when I heard it earlier in the program. So yeah. I'm grateful. I don't know what other word to use. Good stuff. **Gina:** You should have recorded what you just said. Everything you just said spoke volumes to the progress you were expressing — the reframing, the opposite action, all those wonderful therapeutic interventions that you made sure you logged in for three times a week, three times a day. What I've said in an earlier session about showing up when you don't want to show up — those are actually the most important days. I mean, other than being really sick. But I'm saying psychologically — when you're not feeling up to it, those are... you'll come, and then everybody here will make you feel a lot better. I've seen it over and over again. Felt it myself. And I wish it were safe to do so, but if I could take a snapshot of everyone from the first group and compare it to the last group — that clinical observation goes so much beyond what people are saying. It's also about how you look, how you change your outward appearance. Because everything on the inside, not that you're 100% healed, but it shows. It comes through by the end of the program. Unfortunately, I can only tell you — you look better. I don't have anything to compare to. I wish I had a screen capture of your first day of group. --- ## Group Discussion: The Elder, Progress, and Contact Info **Gina:** And when Cindy left, it was like — oh, I'm the group elder. So wait — who's the elder now on Monday? Chris? **[Group cross-talk]:** Chris, Jim, and David were before me. **Chris:** I only have three more weeks. **Gina:** Alright. So now we will go around and say our well wishes to Bert. --- ## Well Wishes ### David **David:** Okay Bert, I guess I'll lead the way with this one. Since the first day I came to group, the very first session, you were talking about something and I thought — man, this guy is very profound, very thorough. And so it always put you up there, you know? Somebody to look up to, somebody to listen to. And then as we started going through all this stuff, I learned a lot about you. Your honesty and your transparency is at a level I'm working on, but you're at a different level with that. So just remember that — no matter what you felt about yourself when you got here, or what you feel now — there's always somebody watching everything you say and do. So just continue doing the things you're doing, because it's the right thing to do. Examples are led by actions, not by words. And you're very important to me in my life. I hope that we can stay in touch outside of here, because I would look to you for those perspectives — you have a unique way of looking at things that just makes a lot of sense, contrary to what I'm thinking a situation is. Sometimes just listening to you talk helps me take my own problems and look at them differently, where I'm baffled by myself. So I thank you for being here. I thank you for the time you put in for yourself. And it's helped other people. So just always remember that — whenever you're feeling down or like things don't matter, they do. There's somebody out there wanting to see you make it and help you solve your problems. Thank you. --- **Bert:** Thanks, David. That was really awesome. I'm really grateful. I got to flip it back to you and turn the mirror around — one thing I've appreciated about you is your frank honesty about your situation and what you're going through. And showing up on the days when you just didn't want to be there — you were just in a funk, but you were here. Like Jim said, it's an *observation day* — I love that phrase, that is such a great way to put it. I've gotten a lot out of your sharing too. So the feeling is mutual — listening to somebody else talk and being able to map it onto your own stuff, get a different perspective. That's what I find really helpful. Just a different angle on what you're dealing with. And trying to put language to things — like Sabrina yesterday with her husband, it was about suspending belief and how that's part of radical acceptance. When she said that to me, wow, I never thought of it that way before. And this is something that's been sitting in her head for like a decade. When I hear that, it's like — okay, maybe I do need to keep sharing more. Those kinds of feedback loops are really nice to hear. I appreciate you. I appreciate you a lot. --- ### Lisa (Lisa B.) **Lisa B.:** I'll spin off David since he and I have some commonalities with the intake and output. His output I was spot on with. I have seen improvement even in the six weeks I've been here — maybe half your time. I look forward to continuing however we can all communicate. Even if it's once a week, a text, a quick FaceTime or whatever. Because for us all to join an alumni group on the same day — some of us being in other parts of the country — would be hard. But yeah. The metaphors are off the hook and you'll be missed. --- **Bert:** Thank you, Lisa. --- ### Lisa **Lisa:** It's been super having you in group. I love your flat out honesty and frankness. It's like living life *unfiltered*, you know? And I can appreciate that because it's something I admire. When you're interacting with somebody who's like that, you know where things stand. There's no guessing. And I probably come off the wrong way like that. But I am so sick of being... look, I don't want anyone to think I'm going to eat the shit sandwich they're trying to feed me. I don't care who you are or where you're coming from. I look at it as a boundary thing. I don't know if I've ever experienced someone like — right off the bat — *here's my line. Cross it and you're done.* I was like, wow. Okay. **Bert:** Yeah — I know I take a lot before you get to the line. But once you're there... game over. **Lisa:** But the boundary thing personally is something I — my whole life — it's a part of that getting small thing. So you don't bother other people. It's like you apologize for existing. **Bert:** You shouldn't have to do that. It's completely the flip of that. It's like — *damn it, I exist. Here's my line. Take it or leave it. Like me or don't. This is who I am.* **Lisa:** So I've gotten tons from you. Thank you. From the boundaries angle especially, I've learned a lot. It's a skill I have a hard time with because there's guilt or shame associated with the idea of drawing a line. And you've got to protect your own heart and your own head. **Bert:** I hear you a thousand percent on that. And something I've come to learn going through the program is just how massive a castle and moat I've built around my heart — for real. I'm very aware of it. What I find interesting is that even though I can sort of keep my heart in a safe place — in the back room — I can still show up and be friendly and kind and plug in and just be authentic. Without... it's kind of weird. Like being really authentic, but not necessarily hanging my heart out at the same time. But it feels *heart-related* when I think about it. Because there's connection, I think. Yeah — the connection and the dialogue. When I have these dialogues with anybody in the group, it's the back and forth where all the benefit is. We keep probing, knocking on different things. And then you get those aha moments. Right? When it just *nails* it — suddenly you get it, even though you've heard it 10,000 times. Like — *it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.* The pain of the loss is awful. But what about if you never had that feeling your whole life? I've thought about that a lot. Yeah. That's part of the wall. **Lisa:** Something else I learned in a group from *Restoring Women's Hearts* — instead of building walls, let's learn to put gates up. And then you can pass through that gate as you see fit and how comfortable it is for you or not. Instead of being so rigid. Because I am rigid. I'm trying to have a gate to let those in and out as needed. **Bert:** That's a good visual. **Lisa:** I'm a visual learner. --- ### Chris **Chris:** Bert, you have been my rock — along with Cindy. And I just don't know what I'm going to do without you. You have brought me to a place where I never thought I would be able to be — just you being here. You're more than a friend. You're family. And you're definitely going to be very well missed. Like Lisa said, once I'm done, I hope we can talk outside of Charlie Health — be on alumni, the Discord. Staying in contact. Because I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I'm going to miss you, buddy. --- **Bert:** Thank you, Chris. I'm going to miss you too. And I want to say — the day you came into group and said you had mailed the letter to your daughter — that was like *dancing the jig day*. Leading up to that, there was so much apprehension, so much pent-up fear about taking that step. And you came in and just said: *yep, did it.* And the mailman already came and took it. You couldn't even go back and second-guess yourself. That was such a huge, brave step. And I feel like the group definitely contributed to you getting that bravery dusted off and put back on. So yeah, very grateful to have you in the group. And this isn't goodbye — it's *see you soon.* That's the thing. --- ### Jim **Jim:** It's hard for me to put into words what I think. I do so much better writing it out. But Bert — Your honesty, your steady presence, whether you wanted to be here or not on certain days, your wisdom and your sense of humor — it's got us through many hours together. Through the tough days and the small victories, we stood side by side and supported one another, reminded each other that we're not going down this path alone. You've been a huge encouragement to people — and probably at times when you didn't even know it. I've made so many notes about things you've said that have resonated with me. I could write a book. While your presence is going to be greatly missed, I'm so proud of you for how far you've come. And grateful for the time we've shared. It's been amazing, especially the last two weeks or so, to see the progress you've made. You've come so far and you should be so proud of that. But wherever your journey leads — you always remember that you've made a difference in our lives. And I hope we've made a difference in yours. We'll stay in touch. --- **Bert:** Yeah, big time. We will absolutely stay in touch for sure. Thank you for all that, Jim. It's been amazing having you in the group. And just to throw it back to you — I think there was one day when you came into group, and you had shared with everybody how you'd been struggling with anger, having that be a habitual way of reacting to stuff. And then there was *the day* you came in and you were like — *I actually didn't do that.* Like you chose another way, or something serendipitously put you on that other path. And you came in sharing about what an incredible experience that was. I was blown away by that. And I was just grateful to be part of it. To see that happen for you is a really big deal, because it's kind of like the first domino falling. It'll just continue from there — step by step. So thank you, Jim. And yeah, we'll be in touch — because I know I'll bug you again about my old radio any time. --- ### Monica **Monica:** You've been like someone I feel like I've already known, because you remind me of conversations I had with somebody else. It was kind of strange to come in and hear you talk because we had those kinds of conversations. I think you're amazing. And hopefully you do very well. I think you've done really, really good since I've been here. --- **Bert:** Thank you, Monica. You remind me of a friend I used to know. And I just want to applaud your ability to jump into group on the first day and be open to sharing yourself. I know for all of us, when we land in this group the first day, it can be intimidating — because so many of us have been hanging out for weeks, sharing our backgrounds and all the crap we deal with, making these connections we're all talking about now. So the fact that you're willing to just jump right into the deep end right out of the gate tells me that you're going to do well in this program. You're going to get a lot of benefit out of it because you're just willing to engage with it. If I could give you one piece of advice — it would be the skills work. The stuff we go over with Amy. Because in the weeks when things were really crappy for me, I was just really focused on skills — taking a lot of notes, listening to other people talk about a skill, what worked, what didn't. And just absorbing all of that. Because when you can start to apply those things and they actually *click* — that's the light switch flip for me. When I practiced these things, it turned out totally different than what I was expecting. It's that kind of moment — like I shared with Lisa — when somebody says something one time after you've heard it 10,000 times. An epiphany just happens. So definitely keep sharing and stay plugged in. I'm grateful that you're in the group. I'm grateful I'm leaving this group with a good cohesion — it feels well glued together. Yeah. And I'm happy for that. Like Cindy and Misty Anne, all the people before me — they kept hammering: *let the group go on.* So. Thank you for being here and showing up. Thank you. --- ### James **James:** I just want to say I really appreciate your insight into a lot of the skills, sharing your experience with them, your trials with them. And your background and your history has really helped me think about things in a different way. It will be missed. Unfortunately, Sabrina isn't here. But I was going to say — Sabrina seems like she's in that same realm as you. So she's kind of going to pick up that mantle, I think. But yeah, you have a lot of great insight and knowledge that you've freely shared. I appreciate that. --- **Bert:** Thank you, James. I appreciate that a lot. And I have to say — you've been with the group for a while. And one thing I've discovered about you is this stoic quality to you that I admire a great deal. The moments you share, I find incredibly valuable. There are a great many things I've learned from your sharing. It's reciprocal — you hear somebody share something, and it gets you to think about it just a different way. Those things cumulatively add up and suddenly turn into a noticeable difference. So I want to thank you for your sharing in group. It's been impactful on me. And I really, really appreciate it. And I really hope you can get back into your house soon and have all that nonsense behind you. **James:** Well, the nonsense will just be changing to me having a huge punch list of things I'm going to be fixing and tweaking at the house... **Bert:** Ha — well, I've already drawn up plans for the shelves. I just need to measure and adjust and get the material. At least I'm doing something while I'm here. --- ### Nate **Nate:** I don't want to say goodbye because we're going to be in touch. You gave me your YouTube channel. I will miss you in group for selfish reasons. But knowing someone like you was in the group made it easier to keep coming back. And to share. Because you're the focal point of my mind's eye for this group — like you're the face of the group. No offense. But it's just the way it worked out in my head. You'll be missed here and it's going to feel very weird when you're not in the group. But I want to thank you for your sharing, for just being vocal, and for your support. You're very supportive of everyone. When someone tells something, you relate to them and you let them know they're not alone. *I deal with that too.* It helps. It helps a lot. --- ### Lisa (Newest Member) **Lisa (new):** It's really — I mean, it's only been two days for me. But it's encouraging. Because you've obviously learned a lot — I can tell. And that gives me hope at the beginning of this process that I can get there too. And you're obviously loved. I've appreciated everything I've heard you say. So I'm looking forward to continuing, and I wish you the best. --- ## Bert's Closing Words **Bert:** Thank you, Lisa. And thank you, Nate. Since you guys are the newest members — just keep showing up, even on the bad days. I know that Monday will feel weird. I've experienced it many times where you show up and that person just isn't there anymore and you're like — *what's this going to be like?* My approach to things is sort of like surfing. I don't fight the waves. I try to go with them. That's a metaphor I use a lot because I've tried to fight the waves for a few years and I've gotten smashed by them. So I've learned a few things. Maybe that's why I can share stuff and it just comes out and helps people. I'm just grateful to have landed in this group. It was total randomness — the universe just dropped me in here and it's been an incredible experience overall. Things only really clicked for me in these last three or four weeks, and it was incremental. Little things slowly adding up. A momentum thing. I shared about the interpersonal thing where I tried a skill once, it worked. Second time, it worked again. Third time, worked again. Well, now it's like — not even a thing. That whole interpersonal friction I had just doesn't exist anymore. From the repetition of skills and applying them. Trial and error, guys. Trial and error. Just give it a try. Look — if you're brave enough to show up in group and share about your inner life, you've totally got the bravery to take any one of these skills and apply them to your life. Even with the person you have the most friction with. The person I had the most friction with was who I got this nice new interpersonal relationship with — my father. And inside myself, that's a big deal. Because I've been deathly afraid of that man since kindergarten. Even as an adult, there was still fear in me. And now I'm way beyond all that. In a different place. Just keep working. Here's the thing — on Monday, when you're all here, I'm going to be working this week too. I'm setting everything up to continue counseling once this group ends. More one-on-one counseling outside. That's a part of the process. The discharge plan. That's what's happening. --- ## Gina's Closing **Gina:** As long as you try to continue to show up, I think that would be a good takeaway from Bert's closing circle. Showing up and pushing through is going to pay off in the long run. Just remember — it is *your* journey. Don't compare yourself to somebody else's journey. What worked for them may not necessarily work for you. Right. So it is your journey. On that note, thanks everyone. Bert, you're going to be missed. It is two fifty-four. It's a huge accomplishment. I wish you well, Bert. I really, really do. **Everyone:** Have a great rest of your week. Bye. Bye everyone. --- ## After the Session *[The group lingered after the formal session ended.]* **Bert:** I'm going to stick around until they kick me out. That's what I did yesterday — I stayed on. When we're mid-sentence, right? And then they put the chopping block on. It was me, Nate, and Lisa. And Nate was in mid-sentence and it just went. **Lisa:** We got jipped out of three minutes, man. **Bert:** Yeah, I think we should put in the feedback forms — just let us stay. If we want to hang out and talk for another hour, just let us do it. Don't shut the room down. We'll log out when we're ready. It shouldn't be a problem. Especially if a lot of stuff gets stirred up. In some ways, it feels like it leaves you hanging. I mean, that's the best way I can describe it. But I also get the counterbalance — you need time to be alone and go process your stuff. Even if you're not consciously thinking about it, your brain is still working on it. In between days and weeks, I take a ton of notes, but I'll look back at them a week, two weeks later. Not like I'm revisiting them every night, but all the stuff absorbs somehow. It all sticks together. That's what I've found towards the end — things make more sense the closer you get to the end of the program. Over 50 years of trial and error — learning how to make conscious decisions about who I wish to keep, and at what distance. And I don't think just because I'm here at Charlie Health that I'm incapable or incompetent of anything else in my life. We're all here for a reason. And I plan to use each and every one of you when we get out. *[Session ends.]* --- *Formatted from audio transcript — Charlie Health Group, Wednesday Closing Circle*